#I actually have MANY wips that I really hope I get to finish them asap

[nau-the-duke]

Tired, overwhelmed and busy af, but doing silly Crowley doodles gets me going fr

Crowley knows what you are

[isabellehemlock]

Hiatus Announcement

Hi loves, so as I talked about here, I’m taking a semi hiatus.  I have two months of stuff queued up, so hopefully I can basically support content creators in our fandom - just from afar as I delete the app for at least one month, and potentially a little longer.

This is for a few reasons which I’ll talk about under the cut, but I’ll keep it vague for privacy reasons, and because it’s a bit exhausting to rehash all of this.  CW/TW for mental health issues, and c-ptsd mentioned, but not detailed, nor the reasons behind it.  Chronic health issues, and the American healthcare system is also discussed, though fairly vaguely.  But figured I’d mention it anyway!

I had shared back in March about needing a fandom break from tumblr, and though that was essentially only a small part of my fandom experience, it obviously had a pretty big impact on my mental health.  I returned in April, and wrapped up a big fic in May and basically tried taking care of my mental health by curating my feed as best as possible and changing my privacy settings and just really focusing on how I could offer the kind of support that wasn’t personally draining for me - which most consistently seems to be hyping up the content creators in our fandom :)  I love to see so many talented people in our fandom and cheer you all on!

I also focused on writing and drawing more than ever, and honestly I did mean what I talked about here on the anniversary, about how much this fandom means to me. 

However, what I haven’t shared - since this primary/personal blog has basically turned into a fandom blog - was that I’ve been dealing with some chronic physical health issues since the end of April.  Some dear friends are aware that I have a genetic condition that requires me to take weekly infusions to combat the long term effects of this. 

Unfortunately my insurance has been denying me this treatment since April.  I have now gone fifteen weeks without it. 

I recently learned (just last week actually!) that I won an appeal and my hospital and med team are coordinating to get me an infusion asap.  But it hasn’t happened yet, and I’m not sure when it will :/ 

All this to say that I simply do not have the mental, and physical energy, to keep up with real life of being a wife and mother (my kids have been home full time since March 2020, and bless them for their patience as we homeschooled with bundles, vs online school, but this new Delta variant is scary because they do not have options for vaccines yet), and helping take care of other family members who also deal with chronic health issues, and trying to nurture relationships that have fallen to the wayside during the pandemic, and embrace new ones I have made over the last year, and write, and draw as a way to combat stress and as art therapy for myself and be on tumblr trying to keep up.

So for now, I’m staying in a fandom server, and reshifting my focus on my WIPs which should keep me busy through October.  I genuinely hope to be back before then! 

I am hoping by taking a step back from one more app to manage, I can shift and refocus my limited energy to some things I need to take care of in real life (mostly med management, and organizing things before my kids go back to school next month).  People who are close to me know how to reach me, and please know my discord app is open for DMs if again there’s anything I need to update on a fic or a meta post of mine, or you need some encouragement from me in regards to something you created, or just want to talk :)

I am so grateful for the support you’ve given me so far, and I hope to return refreshed and restored!

Plus, maybe I'll finally whittle down my marked for later list (there’s currently 200+ fics for me to read!). 

I was hoping to wait till I finished the last two bingo fills - so feel free to keep an eye on them on my AO3 - but I’m not sure if that will take a few more days. 

So I’m logging off now, and wishing everyone well.

And please know my mental health is stronger then it was back in March (yay!), I just unfortunately am dealing with a lot of personal stress right now, but it’ll all be okay!  I will return, and until then fill free to browse my pinned posts.  And I hope you enjoy some things I queed.

Until then loves, be well and God bless ~ Katharina  

[thesleepyskipper]

Hi Valentine!

Happy Friday indeed! ❤️ I don't know about you, but for me, it has been a very long week in a very long month.

I'll be curious to hear what you think about the Stephen King book in particular. I didn't know what to expect based on the books he writes, but it's ended up being one of my favourite books of all time.

I have to laugh because I also have a no WIP rule, and the two you listed are both ones I am subscribed to and waiting to finish, although I see that If Not Now finished up this evening so I'll be reading that ASAP, and starting my reread of all of the Favored Nations series as soon as it completes too.

As for my favourite fics, it's a similar situation for me, I have so many. But I'll go with these ones that I've re-read multiple times:

bright lights

the touch of your hand

i'd swing with you for the fences

My Heart if Like Paper (yours is like a flame)

So, now a question to start the weekend! What other characters and/or pairings do you like to read about as background/secondary storylines?

Have a great evening! Talk to you soon!

scsv ❤️

Hello! Hope you had a great weekend! Last week felt SO LONG, so I feel you there! I was so glad and relieved just to make it to the weekend. And now it’s gone by too quickly!!

Yeah, I’m definitely intrigued because I don’t like horror so I’ve never actually read any of his work, but if it’s one of your favourite writing books, I’m super interested! I’ve put a copy on hold at the library, so thank you!

I’d love to hear what you thought of ‘If Not Now’ and I’m now more than halfway through OF, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to sleep tonight without finishing it. So it might be another late night for me! (But well worth it!)

Thank you for sharing your favourite fics! I’ve read them all and enjoyed them, but Fences and especially My Heart is Like Paper are top favourites of mine too!!! I am not generally a big re-reader but I have re-read that one multiple times. You clearly have good taste, Valentine! 😉

I love reading about Stevie and Alexis as far as secondary storylines go, I find they are both such interesting characters with such fascinating personalities. I love Stevie’s sarcasm and bluntness and I love Alexis’s confidence and go-get-em attitude. I often find they support David and Patrick so well in many fics, which I really enjoy reading.

Here’s to a better week for us both! ♥

[snickiebear]

yo nadia <3333 i'm bored in my online classes and u reblogged the questions thingy at the right time lmao, so get ready: 1, 4, 5, 9, 10, 17, 23, 24, 28, 30!!!, 34, 38, 39, 40 (the intimacy of being understood) (imma stop here lol) (also i'm sorry u're not feeling well, ily and hope u'll feel better soon!! <33333)

ELE ILY. (and thank you, i’m stayin home today cause,,, yeah. i appreciate you sm.) you’re the literal best, i adore you. 

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

The first fanfiction i read was for The Lunar Chronicles when I was like 11?? and it was 100% on accident and it scarred me because it was a hardcore porn one with a period kink and i was like WHAT IS THIS??? OH MY GOD???? LMAOOOOO i didn’t pick it back up until i was 13-14 and really got into the Fairy Tail fandom. I still reread my favorites on ff.net cause i love them. 

As for writing, I wrote a horrible, terrible x-men fanfiction when I was twelve. (my friend still brings it up and REFUSES to delete it so it still gets comments and views, that shit HAUNTS ME ELE.) then tried again for Fairy Tail, posted like two chapters before taking it down cause i wasn’t really feeling it. And then I posted The Intimacy Of Being Understood and here we are. 

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

OMGG okok 

@murd3rm1ttens ‘s The Problem How Time Works IF YOU HAVENT READ THIS YOU GUYS NEED TO HOP ON IT ASAP. MITTEN’S WRITING SO SO SO SO GOOD. SAKURA AND INO ARE TOTAL BADASSES. KAKASHI IS A SIMPPPP. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD. 

@mouseymightymarvellous ‘s We Were Screaming In Color (Only A Possibility) yes, yes I KNOW. i always point into mousey’s direction but i WILL always advocate that everyone reads her fics, they’re literally so beautiful???? i just happen to be rereading WWSIN rn 

@safelycapricious ‘s Shaking Up And Breaking Down series. I found this like?? idfk but i’ve been raving about it ever since. ALSO CHECK OUT THEIR FICS IN GENERAL. 

fuck i have more than three but also check out @ambivalens999 ‘s Masks

i do wanna make a fic rec thing where i just rav about my favs,,, might do that later or sum

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

Omniscient third person. I don’t like it. Like I can understand that it can be a little hard to stay in one person’s perspective but, in my opinion, if you can, it shows how disciplined you are as a writer. Plus, i just get so confused when I go from A’s thoughts to suddenly what B is thinking about A. 

When writers use ‘ ‘ instead of “ “. When writers put thoughts in ‘ ‘ instead of just italicizing them. It’s small things but like they just bother me sO MUCH. most of the time i can ignore it and try to enjoy but other times i just dip. 

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

@espoir-et-reves !!!!! THEIR SHISAKU FICS ARE SO SO SO SO SO GOOD. And they have a warring states one going on THAT I AM SO OBSESSED WITH. 

@writer168 idk if they’re really “underrated” but THEY HAVE SUCH GREAT FICS ON AO3. Like theres an AU with sakura, kiba, and shino that i reread constantly because it just. is. so. fucking. GOOD. and they posted a new one that i’m YELLING about. 

@eggtoasties okay they only have 2 in the naruto fandom (one shisaku which is still ongoing) BUT THEIR WRITING STYLE IS SO NICE?? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I still go back and reread their shikasaku one cause UGH i can’t get enough. I love it. 

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Fandoms: Naruto, Soul Eater, The Old Guard, ATLA

Parings: KakaSaku/ShikaSaku/ShiSaku/MultiSaku, SoMa, Joe X Nicky, Zukka

Character: SAKURA. I will read anything with Sakura as the main character and her being a fuckin badass or becoming a badass. I love her.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

aha.. haha.. well. I check my email like three times an hour. its the first thing i check in the mornings too. I’m literally a whore for praise and literally eat up feedback like its going out of style. I also reread a lot of my stuff because i make so many mistakes and spelling errors, or the spacing is weird oR SOMETHING. plus, literally any and all comments make my day, i go back and reread them cause they just make me feel so tingly and warm like “wow. this person enjoyed the fic/my writing enough to tell me. thats HUGE!”

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

Angry, feral, bloodied, morally gray women. They aren’t bad guys, they’re probably the good guy, but that doesn’t mean they cant be fucking raging at the world with raw knuckles and blood on their teeth. I just love an angry woman who struggles with her emotions and just has so much inner conflict but that doesn’t take away from her character or badassery, it adds to it. 

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

The fake dating or miscommunication troupe. LIKE GUYS JUST TALK. AND TELL EACH OTHER OMFG. the entire like obliviousness of “nah they dont like me” while the They holds their hand and kisses their cheek. MOFO WHAT. it makes me so impatient and like mad HAAHHAHA. its probably because i’m a pretty confrontational person so seeing stuff like that just “cmon bro, USE YO HEAD.”

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

I have yet to receive a negative comment! Which i was really surprised about tbh. As for deadlines or pressure to update, i just kind of do whatever. I do set goals, but i set them flexible enough that hey, if i can’t do it, that’s okay. 

I have a lot of mini goals, like “i want to write this chapter and get it done this week” and then the large goal is “FINISH BY END OF MAY” so i have time. 

Actually, now that I think on it, the entire pressure to update thing is probably why i’m waiting until I have all of OL&W written to post it weekly,, cause well. I wouldn’t wanna leave you guys waiting as I tried to write and work out the next chapters and stuff, you know?

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

AAAAAA YOU KNOW I LOVE THESE AHAHAHAH

Have you seen the way the dead dance, World Breaker? They roar, half mad and starving. Do you not wish, do you not hope to see them twist and bend and dance to your will?

Shikamaru snarls, looking behind his shoulders to where his Shadows lay. “Patience.” He spits. “Is of the essence, Things of Ancient. Know your place as the dark you are.”

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

None of my experiences match up to anything I write tbh,,, probably the only thing that is me in my writing is maybe the emotional turmoil? I’m pretty emotionally and mentally mature because from a pretty young age i started forming my own opinions, started looking into the world around us and being like “dude what the fuck this is not what disney advertised”. Then i started talking (read: arguing and debating) with my dad about a lot of it. So, like emotions are kind of hard for me. Like i’m pretty good at controlling them or understanding them, but still. idk its hard to explain ig.

Like the weight of stress, the anger, the sadness. It’s kind of therapeutic to write. Cause i don’t know how to put those feelings to verbal words so writing them really helps. 

As for my readers’ image? Probably like some kind of hunched over figure typing away in the dark with a maniacal grin on their face. I honestly don’t know AHHAHAHA but it is fun to think about. I think they’d see me as someone with potential but a lot of room to grow and someone who is imperfect but in a charming way LMAOOOO

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

I’m gonna be real honest. Its probably like a 2. I’m a bit of a control freak so I almost always go in chronological order, my writing is pretty linear. Unless, i get bored and jump to one of my fav parts. It's pretty much i sit down, i open the doc, read over my notes and just start writing. 

It’s a little boring to explain AHAHAHA but once i get into the groove of things its really fucking great, I can like feel myself in the world, I can feel what i want the characters to, i love it. I catch myself mouthing the words as i type too, which i find hilarious.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I rather like how raw my writing is sometimes. Which might sound really vain, but i do like the way i word things or describe things. I love juxtaposition and repetition, or making a good ole circle back to some minute detail that wouldn’t stand out until i repeat it at the end and you’re like “omg” AHAHAHAHA.

Like those little poetic snippets or certain wording i just sit back and go “damn thats kinda good nadia! go you!’ HAHAHA  

40. How did you come up with the idea for The Intimacy Of Being Understood?

AAAAA this fic is like my first child, my pride and joy LMAO

so the idea initially came when i was reading some fic, idk if it was even naruto, but i was like “i don't like this, but i do like the rain symbolism.” And I knew i wanted to write something kind of slow paced, something a little sad and angsty, but would show KakaSaku slowly but surely falling in love.

Idk if you’ve noticed but a lot of my fics, the pairings don’t change each other dramatically. They accept each other as they are and then they grow with together. Like that acceptance is something i just love writing, its so subtle, it isn’t something you declare. Its simply “I am going to love you. I am going to love you despite your flaws and faults. I am going to love you unconditionally because I know you, I understand you, and there is nothing you could do to drive me away.” 

The fic kind of wrote itself after that first scene. I kept going back to the rain, go being ghosts, and resurrection, and the small epiphanies one gets. I wanted to focus on each character’s growth with each other. They didn’t find light in life because of each other, but with each other. And i think that’s my favorite thing about that fic. 

I wanted something raw and real and just something beautiful. I’m actually really proud of it tbh. Would i go back and rewrite/edit it? Oh of course! I’d do that with every single one of my fics, but i’m not gonna cause i think its in its rawest form right now. :))))

ask me shit plz

[winterhawkremix]

These can also be found by clicking on the FAQ link on the blog.

What is a ‘remix’?

This is a tough question to answer, because everyone’s definition is a little bit different. Basically, you can change the length, the mood, the POV character, whatever you want. The only two things you have to keep the same are the pairing and basic plotline – otherwise it’s a whole new fic, and not a remix. 

For some examples of remixing methods, please see the Fanlore page about them: https://fanlore.org/wiki/Remix

Do I need an AO3 account?

Yep – all remixes will be posted on AO3. If you don’t have an account, send us an ask with your email address and we’ll email you an invite to join.

What if my fic isn’t on AO3 at the moment?

That’s fine! There’s a place on the sign-up to let us know where to find your fic

What counts as an eligible fic?

A fic is eligible if it’s at least 1,000 words long and a completed work, not a WIP. It must also focus on Clint Barton and Bucky Barnes and their relationship.

What’s the difference between submission and posting?

Submission is when all remixes have to be uploaded onto AO3 by. These fic will not be public at this point, so you won’t see them in the tags. They’re essentially wrapped presents – they’re there but you don’t know what they are.

Posting is when all the fic go live, and they all become readable, aka the fun unwrapping of the present. However, all the writers will still be anonymous at this point.

Author reveals is when you find out who the actual writer is.

So how do I post my remixed fic onto AO3 anonymously?

More details on that nearer the time!

What do I call my remix?

The usual format is ‘Original Title (The _____ Remix)’ similar to song remixes. The blank depends entirely on how you changed the story. You can see examples of remix titles here.

What if I need to drop out?

Please tell us ASAP! We can make sure your assigned person still gets a fic by asking if anyone wants to pinch-hit (aka sub in and write something on short notice).

Fandom isn’t the most important thing in the world and we understand that, but if you drop out without telling us, things get a whole lot more messy and you may be excluded from future WinterHawk Remix Challenges.

What do I need to take part?

Because this challenge involves taking someone else’s existing fic and remixing it, you need to have some existing fic. And everyone likes a little choice, so we ask that you have at least five fics of 1000 words or more, OR three fics of 3000 words or more, all focused on Clint Barton and Bucky Barnes and the relationship between them. You can also have a 'safe’ work, which you nominate, which your remixer cannot remix, the 3/5 fics should be in addition to this fic.

To make things easier for your remixer, you’ll need to have a place - such as your AO3 profile, or a tumblr post - which contains links to all the fic available for this challenge. You will be asked to provide the URL of this list during sign up and one of the mods will check you meet the minimum requirements.

What is a safe fic?

You can nominate one fic of yours that you do not want someone to touch – that fic will not be eligible to be remixed. You still need at least 2/3 other eligible fic to sign up for the remix.

Are polyships allowed?

Short answer: yes. Long answer: this challenge is focused on Winterhawk, so ideally Bucky and Clint will be the main characters in your fics and in the fic you write as part of this challenge. However, we want this challenge to be accessible to as many people as possible, so you can enter with polyship fics, as long as that polyship includes Bucky and Clint as major characters and they are the main focus of the remix fic you write. The remix fic you write should only include a poly relationship if the original fic is a polyship fic. If you do not wish to write polyships, you can mention this in the Do Not Wants section of the sign-up form.

How much do I need to write?

This isn’t a big bang, so the minimum word count isn’t huge. All remixes should be a minimum of 1000 words. There is no maximum word count, but bear in mind that there is a deadline.

When is the deadline?

Important dates for this remix are:

March 27th - sign ups open April 15th - sign ups close May 1st - remix assignments go out June 20th - fic submission to AO3 June 25th - anonymous fic reveal! June 30th - Author reveals!

That gives you just under 2 months to write your fic!

I don’t like [insert trope here] can I stop my remixer from using it/can I not remix fics with that trope?

The primary focus of this challenge is not a gift exchange, so we’re not as focused on likes/dislikes as other challenges. That said, we don’t want anyone to be triggered or upset by this challenge, so there is a section in the sign-up form so you can indicate any tropes you do not want to write/read. We’ll match you up as best as possible, but it’s possible your remixee might have some fics with tropes you don’t like, they should have enough other fics that you can avoid those.

As far as stopping your remixer from using tropes you don’t like, you can list things you absolutely can’t stand, but remember that we don’t want to limit the remixers too much, so try to keep this as limited as you feel you can. You know your own limits best.

I don’t like any of my remixee’s fics, what do I do?

That sucks. Sorry. But take another look and see if there are any ideas in there that might inspire you. While we hope you find fics you love, a fic doesn’t need to be your favourite thing ever for you to remix, in fact, if it were your favourite fic ever, that might be worse. The whole point of this challenge is to retell someone else’s story in a new and interesting way, so try to find a fic that you can retell in your own way. If you really can’t manage it at all and you want to drop out, then contact the mods at winterhawk.remix@gmail.com.

This is so much fun! Can I remix more than one fic?

Sure! As long as they’re finished by the deadline, you can definitely do more than one. You can even sign up as a pinch-hitter to help out if someone needs to drop out (please do, pinch-hitters are the heroes of every fandom challenge). You can remix any of your remixee’s eligible fics apart from the fic they have designated as their 'safe’ fic (if they have one). No one’s going to say no to more fic!

This is a cool idea, where did you get it from?

Well, we’ve taken part in remix challenges before. For a more comprehensive look at the history of the remix in fandom, take a look at the Fanlore page: https://fanlore.org/wiki/Remix

My remixee has fics that aren’t WinterHawk, can I remix one of those/can I make one of those WinterHawk?

We’re glad you found so much fic that inspires you! However, this is a WinterHawk challenge, so we ask that all fics involved have Clint and Bucky as the main focus, and the relationship between them. There are other remix challenges out there that are more general, or if you can’t find exactly what you’re looking for, it would be great to start one of your own.

Why are the fics being posted anonymously?

Partly for fun, partly to make sure this challenge isn’t too daunting to people who don’t write much fic or aren’t ‘big names’ in the Winterhawk corner. This seems the fairest way to give every fic a chance to shine, and every author a chance to be seen. We hope you find new authors to love!

Isn’t this plagiarism?

No more than fanfic is plagiarism in and of itself. Almost all of Shakespeare’s plays are based on pre-existing stories, but he retold them in his own way. Disney’s Maleficent is a remix of Sleeping Beauty from the antagonist’s perspective and Thor knows how many versions of Cinderella are out there. Mostly a remix is an entirely different fic, although in some cases dialogue might be copied from one to another - for a POV retelling for example. Don’t think of the original fic as a blueprint, think of it as a jumping off point. Don’t copy it, reimagine it. Don’t be afraid to let your imagination loose!

[gumnut-logic]

👍😍    Please, please another chapter for ‘We’ll Be Home For Christmas’!!! I love that story, and I’ve so been waiting for another chapter! 🥰❤️💕💖    I check every night, and 😭 nothing yet. Are you still going on it?    Virgil is my absolute favourite and that story is so sweet with him and the 🐋!    * 🤞*

Comment on Ao3

I’m gonna answer this here as well as on Ao3 as there is a certain amount of guilt that needs explanation.

I have two fic priorities at the moment - We’ll be Home For Christmas & The Hero.

So why haven’t I written either of these?

Two reasons.

The first is that both are large fics. When I start a fic, I can write it anywhere, usually with any state of mind. When I say ‘anywhere’ I mean it. When I’m crazy nuts inspired I write before breakfast, in the car, at lunch, at McDonalds, on the couch, in the backyard, even at my desk occasionally which is where I’m sitting now, proper back support and everything.

Because starting a fic is easy.

Once I’m over halfway into a large fic, it starts getting harder. The reasons for this are many, but mostly include:

The need to keep track of the story and not forget major points,

The need to hit major planned story points - because beyond a certain size a fic starts needing a plan, no matter whether it started with one or not (We’ll Be Home For Christmas was a planned fic from before I even started as I needed to do a lot of research to even know what the hell I was writing - what do I know about boats or the ocean north of NZ?)

The need to keep any OC’s consistent and yeah, I have a couple more of those in that fic who weren’t initially planned ::waves at Sam and Liam::

The need to keep track of story threads so I can bring each of them to a proper solution and tie them all together

The need to put my own brain back into the correct mood to write in a consistent way with the rest of the fic - I have an entire suite of music tied to that fic to try and rein in my chaotic brain and keep it in the right headspace in order to have the characters feeling the way they are supposed to - in the last chapter or two, you may have noticed Scott went nuts - he wasn’t supposed to do that, canon!Scott altered my interpretation of him and he got anxious and worried and now I have to dig him out of it again ::sigh:: But as you can see, if I’m not careful the characters can lose consistency.

So, all of these factors slow down the writing process, because I go from being able to write anywhere to needing my note book, needing to concentrate more and needing to get the right mood. There is also a little less excitement and a little more hardwork, because I’ve usually got the story where it was going to go and know what is going to happen, so it requires more motivation to actually do it.

So yeah, the writing process changes and becomes something that needs allotted time - something I am generally short on (my blog header says I should be doing something else and it is not lying :D).

Also, when you throw a fickle mood and muse and even my health into the pot it makes it even harder. I spend the majority of my life bribing myself to do what I need to get done. It is my way of working around a stubborn brain that has the capability of absolutely refusing to do what I want to do and in the process making my life hell. It’s a compromise - I can’t push too hard or the brain will rebel and dig in hard and nothing will get done.

So, long fics switch to allocated time off work to sit down and concentrate.

This leaves all those moments where my muse, which comes up with ideas all the frickin’ time and demands things get written. Also the need to keep my blog alive, react to the latest episodes that just came out, various fic requests and prompts, the occasional inspirational spark that hits me up the head sideways - these things do not stop (except the episodes ::wails::). So I have to cater to little bits of writing that pull me over to the side of the road and demand they get written down. Sometimes these bits become monsters and end up on the allocated writing pile alongside my other wips and that’s when I start having problems. I was really actually quite proud of myself last year when Dirt sidetracked me off VT Green. I was terrified I was going to lose the thread of VT Green, but no, I managed to get back to it and mostly give it the justice it was due. For a kid who had the depressing and life forming statement shouted at her repeatedly through school ‘you never finish anything!’ I feel I’ve come a very long way. Yes, I have a few WIPs on my fic list, but MOST of my fics are complete. And I have to think positively that I will complete most of those still hanging. I do know they are there and they nag me from time to time.

But back to We’ll Be Home For Christmas. I love this fic. It introduced me to a place on this planet I had no idea even existed. I’ve made new friends through this fic. I’ve learnt soooo much through the research of this fic. I will finish this fic.

Work has been intense over the last few weeks as I have been building a website to a crazy deadline on top of my usual routine. This week it got so bad, I actually stopped writing completely. That hasn’t happened in a long time and is a sign that I’m overtaxing everything. When Nutty doesn’t create, things are not good (I create everyday, I have to). So I’m being very kind to myself at the moment. Next week is also going to be disrupted as I’m having dental surgery (yay for the revenge of the The Dentist fic, Virg got me back for that one) and will likely be incapacitated for a bit.

So when am I going to write this fic? Well, I’m on leave for six weeks, so I’m hoping to get my teeth into it asap. Now that Scott will hopefully be a bit calmer, I will have more time and can destress to get my head in the right space.

Anyway, the purpose of all this dribble (I obviously haven’t written in a while, cos look an essay ::headdesk::) is to explain that it is not as straight forward as it looks, and I am trying, and will do my best to write some more of this fic as soon as possible. It may look like I’m ignoring it with all the other bits of fic turning up, but I’m not. I just need to find the right headspace.

So yeah, the fic has not been abandoned, apologies for the delay, I will do my best. Thank you for trusting me with it and for your kind comments.

::hugs::

Nutty

(the hardest thing about being me, is living with me in this mess in my head)

[aromantic-misguide-to-romance]

I also suffer with migraines (they give me full body nausea so my knees want to vomit 🤮) and am working on a fic piece featuring them for Obey Me! And saw your head canons. I wanted to say I loved them and I hope you won’t mind me still working on my piece and maybe posting it - if I ever get round to actually finishing any of the pieces I started writing for this fandom. I’m terrible at endings

Ohhh! Moar content! Of course I don't mind you posting something with a similar topic, I haven't copyrighted migraine, so I have no claims to migraine themed content. So definitely write the fic! 😁 I hope you can finish it, but I totally understand the struggle, I lost count how many WIPs I have never finished...

But if you don't mind, when it's done just tag me so I can reblog it asap, cause I can't wait to read it x3

I'm really glad you liked my headcanons, it's really heartwarming to see such a positive feedback! Thank you uwu

[babblish]

For the fic ask meme please!: 13, 15, 20, and as an option 28? I've often considered/fantasized publishing fan fiction (after a bit of reworking of course).

Thanks for the questions! This is my second at responding to this ask because I am a fool and should know better than to write my responses in the draft asks on tumblr, so I apologise if I word things a little too drily as I’m writing some of this from memory. [WIP Writing Asks]

13. Are there scenes that you cut already?

Oh boy, I’ve cut plenty. Many are spicy scenes that still exist, just with no intent of publishing publicly, others are ones I just completely backspaced into oblivion. I do have one scene I have sitting at the bottom of my .docx that I might resurrect from the dead, but at the moment it’s not going to make it into the actual fic since it’s something of a redundant conversation. I just couldn’t bring myself to delete it entirely because it has a line almost too good not to use.

“Do you want to know a secret?” Kozlóv asked, his voice low and hesitant.“Go on,” Scaarbach wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it.Kozlóv leant over him, smelling faintly of flowers, “I hate my new post.”“Don’t be ridiculous,” Scaarbach scoffed.“I wasn’t made for this,” Kozlóv continued whispering, clearly understanding how scandalous his words were.“You insult our Lady Creator,” Scaarbach replied, hissing under his breath.Kozlóv sighed, “I was made to serve, not lead.”“You disgusting grunt,” Scaarbach made a face.“The bowing and scraping, the wine, the too soft beds…,” Kozlóv whispered, “I don’t want this. I never asked for this responsibility.”Scaarbach nearly slapped him, “How dare you gloat with such humility!” he hissed.To his surprise, Kozlóv laughed out loud. He made a point of quieting himself down lest anyone heard them, “You really are a very funny little man,” he whispered, a playful grin brightening his features. 

15. Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.

If we have learned anything in our select experiences, it is surely that one must remain vigilant against our greatest respective enemy* lest our stone crumble away like castles of sand.

* The greatest enemy of a changeling being themselves.

20. What’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

“Write first; Edit later”

I only really learned this one in a business course during 2013 of places. But the principle works as well for fanfic as it does for resumes, reports, emails, and spreadsheets, and well anything else really.

Admittedly I do catch myself forgetting it, and completely ruin my workflow for the day by getting stuck researching whether or not dog sledding was at all a thing in pre-modern rural Russia, or what the minimum wage was for a adult male in Regency era London, or how in the actual fuck pounds worked back then, or rewriting the same sentence over and over and over again because I’m sure I can write it better if only I find the write verbiage. But mostly I try to work with the flow, and to go back later and systematically edit during re-reads, catching typos and grammatical errors, inconsistencies and downright mistakes as I go. It normally takes me several parsings, but it’s still a much faster method than stop starting all the time.28. Are you planning on publishing your WIP? If so, how?

Regarding The White Rabbit, I fully intend to start publishing on AO3 in a month’s time. [March 7, 10 am AEST] Technically, the translations into changeling lang are no where near that stage yet, but as it is intended as just an easter egg, I am going to go back and edit them in when I get to it. My main priority is to finish writing The White Rabbit ASAP. As I stand, I have enough buffer to get me until August, and am I hoping to scramble behind the scenes that I can have everything finished by December. It’s an ambitious undertaking, but after finishing Uhl fic, I am confident in my abilities to just about make it.

However, I feel like the real question you’re asking is “Are you planning on removing the fan from the fiction and publishing it as an independent piece?” And my answer to that inferred question is a resounding yes, hopefully, maybe, I’m not sure, it depends. I feel like thanks to my particularly defiant approach to writing fanfic (by which I mean, main characters, whomst? And have met you my OCs I casually invented for this setting? I have 50+) I am probably in a good position to fully make my Heart of Janus #I’m GDT now au its own thing entirely.

Having said this, I have decided to put the thought in the backburner until the project is finished, and to approach the idea after its had some time to breath. This is for two reasons. 1) it’s easier to adapt something that doesn’t have moving parts, and 2) I’m sure by that point enough emotional and critical distance will have set in between the fic and the source material in my head that the process would be so much easier to tackle. If I were to start now it’d be like trying to write on two nearly identical stories at the same time and that seems potentially… messy and confusing.

As it is, Uhl fic!Uhl and Canon!Uhl are two completely different (although admittedly similar) characters in my head. I could in theory start that conversion process with the narrative and setting for Whispers Within right now, but as it’s connected to Ottobiography through subtle but plot relevant threads my hands are somewhat tied. I’m not willing to try touching those moving parts until they’ve stopped spinning.

[blurglesmurfklaine]

Cornelia Street (7/9)

A/N: oh my god they were quarantined

yes. It’s one of those fics.

AU, obvs

I’m posting as I go and idk how many parts this is going to be, likely won’t be very long but I literally don’t know what I’m doing and should i be starting yet another WIP? definitely not but fuck it lets fucking go

Title is from T-swizzles Lover album, I’m OBSESSED

Summary: Three years ago, Kurt and Blaine went on a disaster of a date and never quite got off on the right foot. Now, just before they graduate from NYADA, there’s a national outbreak and they’re both self-quarantined in a mutual friend’s apartment.

Read On AO3

On Tumblr: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

Part 7

Kurt runs his hands through his hair, shaking off the last suds of his shampoo out of it before shutting off the water. Sara Bareilles’s voice is still leading him to thoughts about Blaine, and how he led him in the dance yesterday with the gentle swing of his hips. 

It had been nice, to say the least. Dancing with Blaine in his arms had felt like he’d finally found the missing puzzle piece he’d been searching for his whole life. Waking up next to a still sleeping Blaine should’ve been awkward, but only felt like the most normal thing in the world, a routine that was way too easy to settle into and—

Shit.

He is in way too deep and he hasn’t even kissed Blaine yet. 

Woah, yet? That’s a little presumptuous of you, isn't it? 

If he’s going to. If Blaine even wants him to.

Kurt needs to stop thinking about Blaine ASAP, but his brain has made it clear that that’s not quite an option at the moment, so instead, he just turns the cold knob on the shower.

He heads to the kitchen when he’s done, and he’s met with the sight of Blaine humming along to Despacito while he finishes cleaning the dishes they’d used for dinner last night. Kurt can’t keep from cracking a smile.

“Having fun?”

Blaine, obviously a little surprised by Kurt’s presence, lifts his head and his mouth twitches up into a grin. “Actually, yeah. I used to hate doing the dishes when I was a kid, but then I got this job at a fast food pizza place. I realized that as long as I was washing dishes, I didn’t have to deal with customers. It sort of pavloved me into liking it.”

“God, that's such a mood.”

“The other explanation is that I’m training to be a fifties housewife.” Blaine shakes his head and makes a face, placing a plate on the drying rack. “Sorry, that was dumb,” he mutters.

“No, it was funny,” Kurt raises an amused eyebrow. “And if we’re going by the fifties’s standards, I suppose that makes me the workaholic husband.”

“Well, have fun at work, honey!” Blaine calls out, face twitching up into a grin as he holds back a chuckle.

Kurt walks up to the door as if he’s going to head out (which, they both know he can’t actually do) and pulls a coat still hanging on the rack by the frame of it. He drapes it over himself and waves to Blaine. “I will, make sure to pick up the kids early from school today!”

“Oh yeah, little Feta has a soccer tournament this afternoon, doesn’t he?”

“Feta?” Kurt raises an eyebrow. 

Blaine shrugs. “Yeah, like fettuccine Alfredo? Alfredo is a valid name.”

“Okay, if you get to name our son that then I’m naming our daughter Audrey, as in Audrey Hepburn.”

“I support that.”

“Now that our kids have proper names, I suppose I should be getting to work, huh?” Kurt asks. “Those taxes aren’t going to file themselves. And I have a long commute from here to the computer.”

He turns to leave, but Blaine laughs and quickly grabs the nearly empty box of cereal on the table and holds it out towards Kurt. “Wait! Don’t forget your briefcase!”

“Silly me! How could I forget, thank you!”

Kurt doesn’t even think about it—he’s too into this strange and weirdly fun game they’ve set up. As Blaine hands him the cereal box in lieu of a fake briefcase, Kurt tucks it underneath his arms and leans forward to press a quick peck to Blaine’s lips. Blaine reciprocates, lightly placing a hand behind Kurt’s neck. 

It isn’t until they pull away that Kurt realizes what he’s done.

They go absolutely still for a moment, eyes locked, neither daring to move any closer or further from the other.

Kurt wonders for half a second if he accidentally crossed a line he shouldn’t have.

And then the next half of the second Blaine’s lips are on his, hands grabbing desperately at his waist, so sudden and intense that the momentum sends them stumbling backwards a little. They don’t stop until Kurt’s back hits the table, and he sinks his hand into Blaine’s satin soft curls. 

The gesture elicits a small gasp from Blaine, who slides his hands down Kurt’s back and tugs so that their bodies are flush against each other’s. Kurt reciprocates, pulls him closer, kisses him harder until they’re just this chaotic bundle of bumping noses and roaming hands.

They finally pull away, Kurt’s blue eyes wide as a prairie because he had wondered if Blaine was picking up on the same thing he was and… well, he certainly doesn’t have to wonder anymore.

“Sorry,” Blaine mumbles, shaking his head with a sheepish smile on his face. “I uh, don’t know what came over me.”

Kurt doesn’t hesitate to pull Blaine back in for another embrace. “Me neither,” he breathes. And in all honesty, he doesn’t really care. All he knows is that this quarantine thing just got a lot more bearable. 

*

“I don’t think you’re playing this right.”

“Nonsense, I used to play this every day at lunch with the New Directions. Cards were easily the best way to pass the time. Santana even showed us this one game called Chingasos… which is surprisingly violent for a card game…”

After making out for… quite a long time (like, a really, really long time, not that Blaine’s complaining), they’d set some blankets down in the living room floor and exchanged card games. 

Kurt is currently sitting across from Blaine, cross legged and explaining the rules of Spits as they play. There are two piles, and the point of the game is to get rid of all your cards by placing them on top of either pile, but only in numerical order. If both piles have the same number card, you could slap the top of the piles, say “spits”, and the opponent would have to take all the cards.

They both place 2s on either piles of cards, and Blaine jumps to press his hands flat on top of them. Kurt has been playing this game for years, though, and is too quick for Blaine, so his hands land on top of Kurt’s instead of the cards. 

“Eat ‘em and weep,” Kurt says with a cocky grin, shoving the pile of cards towards Blaine.

“Isn’t it read ‘em and weep?”

“You’re stalling.”

Blaine mocks a scoff, mostly because he is. “Are you implying that I’m causing a distraction in order to prevent my loss?”

“Okay, nobody talks like that, you’re definitely stalling.”

“No, this is stalling,” Blaine says. He tugs Kurt’s hands and rolls backwards on the blankets, pulling Kurt on top of him and leaning up to kiss him and abandoning their card game. He can feel the smile in Kurt’s lips and can’t contain a grin of his own. 

When they finally release each other, Kurt lets out a contented sigh and rests his head on Blaine, draping his arms over his body, fitting in in every space Blaine didn’t even know was waiting to be filled.

“This is gonna sound weird, and kind of random… but I feel really safe with you,” Kurt says.

Kurt’s head, resting on Blaine’s chest, lifts when he laughs. 

“Heard that, coronavirus?” he jokes. “Actually,” he continues, starting to absentmindedly trace shapes on Kurt’s back with his finger. “It’s funny that you say that, because you kind of make me feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff.” He realizes that may not have come out exactly as he wanted it to. “I mean, like, in a good way. Not in a I’m worried you’re going to push me off way.”

“You’re probably just about the only person I can stand in a ten mile radius, currently, so I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

“What about Adam?” Blaine finds himself asking. His heart is a canon in his chest, and he wants to pretend he doesn’t know why he asked that question, but he knows exactly why. 

He’s falling fast and hard for Kurt, and if he runs back to Adam the moment Blaine stops being his only choice, again, it’s going to suck. He’s heard stories about people who got stuck in elevators for twelve hours and then eloped the second they were rescued. And then the inevitable divorce that followed.

Blaine doesn’t want Kurt to want him because he’s bored; he wants Kurt to want him the same way he wants Kurt. 

“Adam and I over for a reason,” he finally replies calmly. 

The urge to just stupidly blurt out Which is? is so strong, and Blaine’s honestly surprised he doesn’t. Apparently, though, his silence is enough of a cue for Kurt to continue.

“I—and feel free to stop me… if it gets too weird or too–if you don’t want to hear this.”

“You can say anything to me,” Blaine answers without hesitation. Kurt’s cheeks pressing harder against Blaine’s chest tell him that he’s smiling.

“Okay… I think I just got swept up in the idea of finally being in a relationship, or of finally having someone who wanted me that I didn’t care if we weren’t necessarily right for each other. I mean, at the time I certainly didn’t have enough experience to know that it wasn’t right.”

Blaine hummed in encouraging agreement, urging Kurt to keep going.

“I think we were both hoping the other would evolve into the person we wanted them to be, if that makes sense. Like, I’m… I’m pretty naturally guarded. I don’t always wear my heart out on my sleeve and I think that bothered him.”

Blaine nods. Though he doesn’t feel like Kurt is particularly withholding around him, he can see why people would think that. Kurt has told Blaine all about what he endured during high school. That would be enough to make anyone a little wary of the world.

“And I don’t know if there are just parts of me I wasn’t willing to share because I’d be sharing them with him,” Kurt continues. “But there were parts of my life—little things, I’m not in like organized crime or anything—that were just for me. I’m fairly social, but if I needed an hour alone after he had friends over, he took it really personally.

“On the other hand, I always thought he took life way too seriously. Every single show or song we listened to had to have some sort of profound deeper meaning or else he labeled it as trash. What an exhausting way to live!”

Blaine chuckles. “I know what you mean. I dated Sebastian for a while, and he would constantly talk about his summer trips to Europe, which was interesting at first but after a few weeks I realized that that seemed to be the entire focal point of his personality.”

Kurt laughs. “Yeah…”

“Anyways, you were saying?”

“Oh, right... well, back in December I was watching When Harry Met Sally with Rachel and it was that scene where Sally says “We never do fly off to Rome at a moment’s notice”. And I just… realized. I went to get things from his place that night and applied to live in the NYADA dorms again for the next semester.

“I guess it was just never right with Adam. It took me way too long to figure it out. I think I might’ve figured it out sooner if we’d finished our date,” he mumbles absently, like he’s just thinking out loud.

Blaine has to bite his cheek to keep from smiling so damn hard.

They lay in easy silence for a moment, holding each other until a high pitched tinny noise interrupts them. Kurt whips out his phone and Blaine sees the Snapchat notification.

“Oh my god,” he sputters out incredulously.

“They really made a Quarantine filter,” Kurt says in awe.

Kurt unlocks his phone and presses the button to access the filter. It’s greyscale, with a blinking red dot in the corner, like it’s supposed to mimic a found footage movie. At the bottom of the screen is written “Day ___ of Quarantine”.

“Come on, let's take a picture,” Kurt says, casually hiking an arm behind Blaine’s neck and settling his head higher up in Blaine’s chest. He quickly snaps the picture of them cuddled up together.

Blaine watches Kurt, grinning when he types out the caption in two separate blocks of text.

Do you have your quarantine buddy? 

Yes, I have my quarantine buddy.

Part 8

[kira-ani-mcgrath]

I am redeemed You set me free So I'll shake off these heavy chains And wipe away every stain Now I'm not who I used to be I am redeemed

"Redeemed" by Big Daddy Weave

I drew this picture specifically to go with the personal story below the cut. Thank you in advance if you take the time to read it, but no worries if you don't. Either way, have a wonderful day.

Late December 2018 was when the Frozen II calendar leak began circulating. Included in the leak was information on the Russian caption for the page, translated to be a vague movie summary. This plot teaser stated that the group (Anna, Elsa, Kristoff, Olaf, and Sven) would be heading north into the forest due to some Arendelle-related mystery.

This was a bit of a let-down for me. You see, since my initial introduction to Frozen in 2013, I have been hoping and praying that the inevitable sequel would include Hans' redemption as part of the narrative (for various reasons that are too lengthy to detail here). Such a plot thread would be easier to accomplish if Frozen II involved travel to some other kingdom (or multiple kingdoms), especially the Southern Isles. With the information revealed in the plot spoiler, it was harder to picture a scenario where Hans would join the rest of the gang for an adventure. Yes, it could be done, but it would be more convoluted, possibly to the point of not being an option altogether. Perhaps I was being too pessimistic, but there was no denying the fact that I was feeling rather down about Frozen II.

A few days later, I was driving home with the radio on, but I wasn't paying attention to it. Instead, I was once again mulling over various ways Hans could be redeemed in Frozen II. Yet the more I considered possible scenarios, the more it seemed that the movie's revealed plot would make Hans' redemption an unrealistic feat. I reached the end of my train of thought, and, feeling disheartened, mentally chided myself, "I should just give up. Hans isn't going to be redeemed in Frozen 2."

At that precise moment, the opening notes of "Redeemed" began to play on the radio. Being quite familiar with the song, I immediately laughed and pointed an index finger to the sky. Not only was the title of the song the exact word my mind had just used, but I have long associated this song with Hans (one of many songs, but also one of my favorites). I had no doubt this was the Lord confirming something to me, as this was not the first time such a "coincidental" occurrence has happened.

It's important to know that, in the years since Frozen, I have created (and am still creating) multiple fanworks that posit different takes on how a Hans redemption could come about (and that's not including all the ideas I've had that aren't developed enough for full-fledged works). There have been several times when I've questioned the value of creating such things, only to have affirmation of my work come from unexpected sources at just the right time. Additionally, I have had many such question-and-confirmation experiences in my life, as well as a noticeable increase in the quantity of such instances within the past several months (albeit unrelated to Frozen and instead dealing with various other matters, such as my faith, my most recent pregnancy, and random everyday life things). Thus, when this specific incident occurred, I immediately recognized it as yet another such moment.

Since that night in December, I'd been internally debating sharing this anecdote with the world. Every few days or so my mind would recall the incident and I'd consider posting about it, but I'd always end up deciding against it. After all, it is highly personal, and it takes quite a bit of explaining to impart the importance of this experience (and I'm still leaving out personal details which make it much more powerful to me). This went on for some time. In mid-late February, I was once again musing upon the occurrence and whether or not I should share it. I jokingly thought to God: "If I hear 'Redeemed' on the radio this morning I'll take it as a sign I'm supposed to share this." And, since you are reading this post, you must know where this is going. I already had the radio on, and after getting back in my vehicle after child drop-off, I flicked through my presets to find a song I wanted to listen to. And, lo and behold, my second-to-last preset was playing the first verse of "Redeemed." (Granted, all of my presets are Christian radio stations, so that does put the odds more in favor of my "wager" coming true. On the other hand, the song is from 2012. That means it's 7 years old, and I honestly didn’t hear the song very often at the time, as more recent songs get played much more frequently. In my mind, the proposition was a joke, but I suppose I should have known better, since a lot of my recent question-and-confirmation experiences have been me joking and God proceeding to do the thing.) And thus, here we are. The large time gap between the second occurrence and this post is because 1) I take a while to get my thoughts out and refine them into something fit for public eyes, especially in a personal case such as this one, 2) it seemed appropriate to do some art to go with this, since I've been lacking in productivity in the creative departments for some time, and 3) life things requiring my attention.

On an interesting side note, I had three additional confirmations of this post while I was working on it.

#1) When I said, "There have been several times when I've questioned the value of creating such things, only to have affirmation of my work come from unexpected sources at just the right time," there's a particular incident that sticks out to me. One night in 2016, I stayed up late finishing chapter nine of my fanfiction, Frozen: Sacrifice and Forgiveness. Even though I posted the chapter, I was really depressed about it. Thoughts such as, "Is this really something I should be investing so much time in?" and "Does God actually want me to write this story?" weighed heavily on my mind, though I kept them to myself. After some internal arguing, I directed an unspoken question to the Lord: "Is this really what I should be doing?" Not much later, before going to bed, I checked my phone and saw an email from FF.net saying I had a comment on the latest F:SaF chapter. The comment was from a fellow Christian who had read through the posted chapters and was very encouraging about my story. It was just the right kind of affirmation at precisely the right time. Fast-forward to Wednesday, February 27th, 2019. I checked my phone in the morning and saw an email from AO3 that someone has left a comment on the last posted chapter of F:SaF. This was quite surprising, as I haven't updated the fic since September 21st, 2017. The comment was very positive, and it immediately reminded me of this post, which was a WIP in a computer document at the time. Not only did the new comment correlate to the aforementioned unexpected sources of encouragement, but F:SaF has been on my mind recently in terms of working on it again. Then, as the cherry on top, I was listening to the daily scripture reading on the radio while driving to work that morning, and the song that came on immediately afterward was "Redeemed".

#2) On Friday, March 1st, I had finished this post to my general satisfaction (as I knew it still required minor edits, plus I still had to finish my drawing) before getting ready for work. Upon entering my vehicle, I thought, "Wouldn't it be funny if 'Redeemed' played on the radio again?" I then instantly berated myself: "That's dumb. You don't need to be looking for confirmation of things all the time." I then flicked through my presets, and the first verse of "Redeemed" was playing on my second-to-last preset — the same song position and the same preset as when I was debating whether or not to make this post.

#3) On Friday, March 8th, I thought to myself as I was getting ready for work, “I really need to finish that post.” When I started my car, the radio was on, but I didn’t care for the song it was playing, so I jumped to my first preset. “Redeemed” was playing, starting from the very first word of the first verse.

Now, the question is: what was being confirmed to me with the original occurrence in December? The most straightforward answer is Hans' redemption in Frozen II. Mind you, not a redemption based on worldly methods such as "cleaning yourself up" and "earning it," but rooted in the Christian standard of unconditional love, mercy, grace, and faith. I'll admit, it seems far-fetched, given the fact that Disney is not a Christian company and the creative team has no Christians on it (AFAIK). Then again, "What is impossible with man is possible with God." Still, I have thought of other meanings for this incident. Perhaps it was simply a reminder to not get so depressed over a fictional character. Perhaps it was merely encouragement to keep going with my various fan projects, despite Frozen II looming in the distance. Perhaps it was a nudge that the sequel would contain a small hint of a future Hans redemption. Of course, that all sounds like me trying to talk myself out of trusting God for something amazing, as I am prone to doing. It's a struggle to wait on the Lord (especially for someone like me who hates surprises and wants to know things ASAP), but the truth of this incident will be revealed when the time is right.

One may wonder why God would care about a fictional character or a fictional story. It's not that He cares about those things in and of themselves, it's that He cares about His children and the salvation of humanity. My prayers (which are mostly just God-directed thoughts as I go about my day) regarding Hans' redemption were always something along the lines of, "Hey, God, it'd be really awesome if Hans gets redeemed in a way that reflects how Jesus saved us." Then I would mentally argue with myself about even making such a request, and always end at a variation of "Whatever is best, Lord." Though a fictional character's redemption is trivial in the grand scheme of things, God can use the most unexpected means to reach someone regarding a matter of eternal importance. He knows that, for me, this isn't just about a fictional character — it's about using that character's story to connect real people with the hope of the Gospel. Frozen was a movie with weak morals and a character that is looked down upon as irredeemable by the majority of viewers. If, by the grace of God, the sequel displays true love and redemption, then perhaps one soul out there will see the truth: anyone can be saved because Jesus can save anyone.

Feel free to message me if you aren't comfortable utilizing public replies or reblogs. Thank you for reading, and God bless you.

Update (Sept. 4th, 2019): So I’ve been lurking on a few Discord servers for a while now in addition to my Tumblr lurking, and overall there is a very negative attitude regarding Hans returning in F2. It’s coming from all directions: antis/haters who don’t want him in it, neutral parties who don’t see an available role for him to play, and fans who have lost hope due to lack of news. Last night I had an unpleasant dream on the subject. While the specifics are hazy, I know it involved the fandom discussing Hans’ absence in the movie. When I was going about my business this morning, I thought about the dream, this post, and the incident that brought this post into being. I mentally argued with myself, as I often do, about the situation. Lately, I too have been feeling disheartened on this matter. As I said, the fandom as a whole has been negative about this, so it was starting to get to me. In addition to that, as new leaks reveal more of the story, the chances of Hans appearing in any meaningful fashion get slimmer. However, no matter how bleak the outlook, I was given a supernatural sign to keep hope in a Hans redemption. Still, there was always the possibility I had interpreted the incident incorrectly, and adding in the other factors at play, this morning I was once again questioning God. I wanted another sign or some kind of spoiler-type proof, then scolded myself for being greedy and for seeking worldly validation of what God has said (instead of trusting Him to fulfill His promises). I had the radio on KLOVE as I was driving, and one of my “Hans songs” came on. It was a “lower tier” one (a.k.a. one I don’t like quite as much as others), so as I listened to it I thought, “It’d be nice if the next song after this was another good song, but one of the top-tier ones. It’d make me feel better about this whole thing.” Of course, I then chided myself, thinking, “Why are you always asking for stuff? Isn’t what you have already enough?” The song came to an end, and the next song began to play. It was “Redeemed.”

[lululawrence]

11 & 13 if you haven’t already done them, of course! :) stay rad xx

ooh these are fun ones! and i haven’t done either :D thank you so much!

11. What are you planning to work on next?

well, does this include what i’m working on now? if so, then i’m working on my sequel to Back to How it Was, or what i affectionately call “wibbly wobbly 2″. haha i’m writing it for @1dfanworksforcharity for the incredible @wait4ever and i just barely jumped back into it yesterday. if that doesn’t count as “next”, then i suppose next i’ve got to put finishing touches on a secret santa fic i’m also writing for an exchange as well as finishing my hannah montana au for @popularryculture fest :D

13. Describe your writing process

oooohhh my writing process is a mess. bahahahaha i guess i get the prompt or an idea and i brainstorm it a bit further so i know the characters and the ultimate object of the plot. i then just kinda...jump right in! sometimes that’s all i need, sometimes i need to have a bit more detail going into the plotting of it from the beginning, and sometimes there are particular scenes i need to figure out and then go from there. it’s a bit of this, a bit of that, and seeing what works, really. once it’s done, i can’t stand to read it through myself. i’m just SO HAPPY I FINISHED IT, so i go and scream in excitement to a few chats, verify who my betas and brit picks are for that fic, and then send it right to them in it’s completely unedited, writing fevered mess. i do not edit as i go, generally speaking, and i can’t bring myself to do so after finishing it either, so my betas have their work cut out for them and they’re amazing. they rip it apart, i go in and fix all the things they’ve found wrong, and then i post it asap. ta da! hahahaha 

if you’re talking about actually writing, i just. it’s hard to explain, but i have the characters in my head and they become real people. i know they’re based on real people, but my own fictional versions of them become real 3d characters i can kinda experiment with and learn more about as we go, so i just do that. i usually have a set time available, whether it’s a spring of as many words as i can get out in the 15 minutes before my kids come home from school, or a marathon like most saturday nights are where i have a few hours to sit and really delve in, but i just go in, refresh myself where we left off, remind myself of the goal for that scene, and just...write. hehe

this question was even more rambly than usual, i’m sorry. i hope you don’t mind! i really liked it!

send me a number about writing and wips and stuff and i’ll answer!!

[riskeith]

hi <3

tbh best hp is fic hp fuck jkr <3 if you do check it out just be prepared that it’s super filthy sjdkdhdk. i’m gonna check out running on air and to hurt and to heal, absolutely! both sound super angsty which is yummy imo.

you don’t read fics of the parings/fandoms you like? may i ask why not? also yeah i’d love some kagehina/iwaoi fics, whatever you have is fine <3

omg where should we take razor.... i feel like he’s enjoy mountain views and all the animals in liyue so maybe jueyun karst 🥺 that area is so pretty..

i do know some couples hehe, some didn’t stick but my friend started dating her husband when she was twelve and they’re married now. i think it’s super adorable i’m a sucker for the childhood friends to lovers trope. do you like it? also what’s your favorite “to friends” trope if you had to rank them?

omg... yeah thankfully they’re still updating the game i mean we only have two of the seven worlds unlocked right? the anemo and geo worlds? i imagine the updates will keep on coming for a long, long time. also i’ve been meaning to ask you: have you finished the main story yet? i’ve been curious about when it finishes and if it ever does.

more than 8... so you’re telling me there’s so much cluna content out there that i’m not experiencing? feeling distraught. feeling like an unfinished puzzle piece.

fairy floss sounds so adorable.... 🥺 why is aus the best place ever? and it’s a bit too sweet but i can’t get over the nostalgia so i do kind of like it? it makes me feel like a child eating it hehe. omg bleaching it? do you plan on going blonde? 😳

iwaoi has ^ those childhood friends to lovers except it’s angsty vibes that just hit different. i’m just a sucker for mutual angsty pining dude it’s crazy. have you heard the song driver’s license? i really wanna write something iwaoi based on that song bc i feel like it fits them so well.... with a happy ending ofc i can’t leave my babies feeling sad. thank you, i hope you find the motivation to start working on something soon too!! you never know when motivation strikes babe.. in the meanwhile i’m just gonna be https://archiveofourown.org/users/czqy shsjshsjdj. dude it’s because it’s oikawa and he wants the best for himself. it was probably him that possessed you if we’re being honest. 👑

YOU DO? i can’t come up with anything so it’s gonna be a surprise for me. and tbh i don’t wanna figure it out either so it can be a cute surprise. now this will definitely motivate me to rise up the ranks asap. also i need to spin for the boy as well... hopefully i’ll get him haha. thinking about me before falling asleep, are you? 😏

hope your weekend has been going great for far, you deserve the world babe. ♥️

hi hi!!

FUCK JKR!!!!!!!!!! 🗣🗣🗣 fhsksd note taken! omggg pls lmk what you think when you do!! they’re my top 2 fave drarry fics <33333

honestly i wish i could tell you 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i think it’s bc im so involved in it that i just.... don’t have any desire to read anything? like “i could just write x pairing/fandom, why should i go seek out content” but idkkkkk my friend has a theory that it’s bc i have a clear cut idea of who these characters are and what they’re like so it’s weird to read someone else’s interpretation? it’s something im trynna work on tho... lmao

okieee kagehina:  where the night goes // well, maybe i’m a crook // room to grow (not really angst but the vibes are so mellow and nice) // hum (not a lot of angst but this is one of my faves. also esselle is the kagehina/hq queen!!! all her stuff is so so so good.)

iwaoi: things that change, things that stay the same // In April //  the yellow room

also if i could offer your this oikage fic....  the more things change (i cry reading this every time....) 

i don’t bookmark fics so it’s hard for me to find stuff again fhskdjfshd but hopefully those are alright!!

yesss let’s take him to liyue <3333 omg do you think he would like to play in the water ���😩

omgggggggg they started dating when they were TWELVE?? that’s so cute 😭😭 i wish them all the happiness!! im only in touch with like 1 person i’ve known since i was 12 AHAHAH. i love childhood friends to lovers!! there’s just so much history there you know? such like a strong iron-clad bond... and to you mean “to lovers” trope? either way, hm. i think i might like enemies to lovers the most? (are we surprised) like that tension... coming together when no one expects it, not even them.... but yet their love is so strong.. .FSDJFHKSDF is childhood friends to lovers your fave?

yep!! only 2 ikr like how long am i gonna have to continue playing this game how many new characters will we get FHDKFSHDFS. people think inazuma (electro) is next!! it’s based on japan which is exciting.. omg wait what if it’s kinda like cyberpunk futuristic vibes.. ahaha. and i have finished all the main story quests that are out rn! i think the last one happens ~AR 35? 

fhsdkfhsdfs HAHAHA nah dw all my blogs are now inactive so you’re not missing anything 🤪 you got all my focus and attention here bb

oooo yes the nostalgia... wow now that we’re talking about it i haven’t had fairy floss in so long jfhsdjksd. and yes i want to go blonde so bad 😭😭😭😭 i wanted to do kenma hair but i shaved my head last year and i want to shave it again and dye it blonde........ 😩

yeah actually i feel like so many people interpret iwaoi childhood friends to lovers angsty for some reason? like i’ve never really seen any that was just them happily and naturally going into a relationship there’s always like miscommunication and pain fhdskfskjfsd. not that i’m complaining! lol. and i actually heard driver’s licence for the first time a few days ago!! i remember it clearly bc i thought the title was funny FHDSKJFHSKDFSD. but omg the angst....... whose POV would you have it be from? oikawa’s? i feel like people make him Hurt a lot... which is big mood hfsdfkjs. (semi related... do you have your licence? LMAO) also do you know memo by years & years? i have an iwaoi wip based on that song!! 

wait what does “in the meanwhile i’m just gonna be https://archiveofourown.org/users/czqy shsjshsjdj.” mean sorry i dont get it 😭😭 (also it took me a moment to register that url went to me AHHAHA i was like 😳)

I FREAKING HOPE OIKAWA POSSESSED ME!!! FEEL FREE TO COME BACK ANYTIME SIR 🙇‍♀️🙏

hehhe trust me it’s like THE best possible spot <33333 im extremely excited to take you there 😉😏 xingqiu come home for m.a. again!!! and what can i say, i’m looking forward to the date ;p

thank u! it’s made better by you 😍💘 hope your day is going well!! xx

[shippingeruri]

Tag Game - Questions for AO3 Writers

I got tagged by three awesome and talented writers - thank you @kittyboo8015​ @tsukareta-levi​ and @zedsdead1001​ <3

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

My original account name is “Zalynia” with the pseud “shippingeruri” [but I somehow fucked this up and now I am confused with my own names]. Zalynia is a name I use online since >12 years now. It was the name I used for my first WoW character and somehow I can identify a lot with it and have used it ever since. I love the letter “Z” and my own name has a “Y” in it. It is rather short but has 4 syllables, it sounds nice and yeah. I just made it up a few years ago and stick to it ever since.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

Bookmarks & Subscriptions & Kudos: Dirt & Velvet - 20 bookmarks & 27 subscriptions & 77 kudos

Hits: Can you hear me? - 1779 hits

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

I didn’t use an icon for most of the time and just recently added one.

I chose it because it is fucking Erwin Smith official art with fucking gloves. He’s my husband. And he looks fucking stunning and I think I might get pregnant from looking at him in this pic. [The whole pic (with Levi) was the reason for me to start watching & reading AoT 2.5 years ago because I was convinced that these two men are gay for each other]

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

I am very thankful for EVERY comment. Honestly. It can turn around my day completely. 

I usualy squeal like a shy school girl when I get a notif for a comment and my heart beats like crazy (before this mini heart attack moment until I am sure that it is not a negative comment).

My regular commenters are @zedsdead1001​ @kittyboo8015  and @absolute-eruri-trash ​and I’m very thankful that one of my Eruri RPG partners, who has problems with English, is nevertheless reading my fics too and sometimes leaves comments <3 Thank you - everyone of you!

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

Scarlet by spiderlillium [Warning: uncompleted work & underage Levi]

I’m in love with this work and I’m so sad that the last chapters are only available as summaries but I read the available chapters SO often I can’t even tell how often. This is movie material!

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

I don’t subsribe to stories but to authors. And I only have 38 bookmarks. I bookmark things that I want to read asap (or that I recently have read and are still on that list). My word document with “fics I should read” is A LOT longer...

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

I’m writing modern AUs most of the time. 

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

All in all >300

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

Underage Levi. Dub/Noncon. Sorry, not sorry.

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

I’d love to be able to write more regularly on my WIPs and find more time for writing in general. 

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

So far I’ve only writte Erwin x Levi (and some Erwin x Mike and Levi x Mike) and I’m open for some Erurimike.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

17

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

3 WIPs

2 outlines / ideas

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

Both. They start in my head and when I feel they get too detailed / big, I start to write down things.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Yes, Dancing in the Dark together with @zedsdead1001 for @kittyboo8015‘s birthday. It was awesome and I’d like to do that more often <3 

16. How did you discover AO3?

One of my first Eruri RPG partners (back in March 2015) showed it to me.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

No. Absolutely not.

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

Nope.

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

In the beginning not “an author” but far more all authors of all kinds of things I’ve ever read. Everything I read inspires me. Also my RPG partners encouraged me.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Something I should probably tell myself more often. You have nothing (!) to lose, you can only win. And your work reaches more people than the kudos & comments numbers are showing you. Enjoy yourself, be brave, experiment around, have fun!

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

Both.

For Dirt & Velvet I have a very detailed plotline (which is one of the reasons why I’m struggling so much to write atm.... maybe I should let go of the plotline?) - everything else is build on events I want to write and I fill in the rest while writing it. That is the way that feels most natural for me. 

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

Not yet. But I’m always afraid that people actually will take the time to leave a bad comment one day.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..) 

I feel like I’m struggling most with scenes where “not much is happening” but that are important for the story. 

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

Dirt & Velvet.... *coughs*

Son of לִילִית - smut fest in the making

Drabble requests from my inbox and my brain is already working on a new thing.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

Unfortuntaley yes - probably one of the reasons why I’m so slow with writing.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

No. It would completely fuck me up. I prefer to write when I feel like it. Then a 12 hour writing session can happen.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

I recently stumbled over some of my first drabbles on my blog and I felt ashamed and was thinking to myself: “Oh god, I would write that different now.” - so yes, I hope I have improved and will continue to improve!

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

Can’t decide. I love all of my babies and they are all dear to me.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

See above.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

I just hope I’ll be happy and I enjoy writing without the self doubt I do struggle with atm.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

I don’t know if there’s really anything “easy” about writing for me? But I do like that moment when I’m “in the zone” (which rarely happened the last weeks : (). Words just forming sentences in my head, flowing through my hands. When my own emotions, ideas and feelings mix with my own interpreatation of characters in a certain setting and it everything seems to make sense.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

ATM: finding the time / right mind set / mood

In general: publishing it because “everyone” will be able to read it and judge my writing. 

33. Why do you write?

When I was younger, reading was my escape.

Now, I guess, writing is my escape. It’s a coping mechanism, a break from life, I feel good when I’m in a writing flow, I love to plot stories, think about the characters. I love to write dialouge and smut alike. I love that my written stories are way more perfect than my real life will ever be (and I’m fully aware of it) but constructing theese hurt & comfort settings and exploring this deep mutual trust of Erwin and Levi is just making my heart feel light and easy. And the amount of feelings I feel while writing is just overwhelming.

I tag (and please ignore if you don’t want to or have already done this)

@minxiebutt @erurink @lostcauses-noregrets @ackbang @kaguneko @izuspp90 @world-war-eruri

[xennariel]

fanfic asks: all.

lol Thanks! This took me forever.

1. Do you have a word-count goal for 2018? - Not really, but another 100k would be nice to achieve.

2. Will you participate in any fandom exchanges or fic challenges, etc?- Hopefully Royai Week again and Royai Halloween week since I just was feeling crappy and was too busy to do it last year.

3. Do you anticipate writing for a new fandom in 2018? Which one? - Not really. I have been meaning to delve into WoW fanfiction for a few years now, so maybe that, but it’ll probably just be FMA and my own stuff again because I’m a loser. lol

4. Do you think you’ll stop writing for a fandom in 2018? Which one? - Who knows. It seems like my fics aren’t entertaining anymore or whatever, but I lost quite a few readers in 2017 so that may end up being a deciding factor in whether I continue FMA fanfiction or not. As of now, I don’t think I’ll stop writing for the series though.

5. Which WIP is first on your list to complete this year? Will you post a snippet? - I would really really like to finish Through Eyes of Flame, but it still has a long way to go and, again, because of lack of readers, my motivation to write it is very very low. I’ve had the next chapter halfway completed since September and every time I look at it to try to write for it, I just give up and work on something else. I’ve been working on that fic for almost two years and I just want to finish it already. I think I posted a snippet before, but here’s a bit of the chapter that’s been halfway done for months now:

Red light crackled around Gluttony’s wounds, each bullet hole closing within seconds. No matter how many vital points Riza hit with deadly accuracy, it all proved futile. The hulking homunculus held her off the ground by her throat as she continued to struggle and fire bullet after bullet into its skull. She grit her teeth as Gluttony’s hold on her neck tightened and the click click click of her gun’s trigger indicated she was out of ammo. She dropped her hand to her side and the gun fell to the ground with a clatter.

This was it. This was how she was going to die. She would no longer be able to protect Roy. But at least he would live. He would not be incriminated for what they were doing here. He would go on, working toward their goal without her, and that was enough for her.

6. Which yet-to-be-started fic is first on your list? - I would love to start writing the Royai mermaid AU I’ve been thinking about a lot. Also perhaps my “Riza was an alchemist the whole time” au. I’ve had so many ideas for those that were stewing around all year, but I didn’t start them because I wanted to finish TEoF first.

7. Will you change anything about the way you interact with other writers? - Definitely try to comment more. I comment every chance I get, but sometimes I still can’t figure out what to say or have a weird anxiety build up that makes me not want to comment, so I want to work on that and make sure every fic I read gets at least an “I liked this” or something. Also if I wasn’t so anxious I’d strike up conversations more often on here with other writers, but I feel like I just annoy people so I avoid talking to anyone unless they talk to me first. It’s stupid, I know, but I just feel like they’d message me if they wanted to talk to me, you know? I need to work on that.

8. Is there a story idea in your mental vault that you’ve never been brave enough to try writing? Is 2018 the year? - Ummmmm… I don’t think so? Well, scratch that, I have a lot of horror/tragedy/angsty ideas, but I can get very dark and I have found that I hold back quite a bit with fanfiction in that department. Like… I feel like people would avoid me and not read my stuff if it got that dark so I tend to just write fluff and minor angsty one shots. I even held back on my fic Hollow because I felt like it was getting too dark so I cut a lot of stuff out, rushed it, and lightened it up a bit. I realize people like angst and such, but I worry about scaring off readers. It’s weird. SO, with that said, I would like to write some kind of fic that’s super dark, but I don’t know if anyone would read it. That’s what my original novel is for. lol

9. Short term goals… what do you hope to complete this week or in January? - I would love to get the next chapter for Through Eyes of Flame finished and posted by my birthday (Jan. 31). Other than that, I have no plans, but that might change if people send me prompts or something. An anon keeps sending me the prompt “May wasn’t there on the Promised Day and Roy has to burn Riza’s wounds closed.” I like the idea, but I’m not confident enough to write it. I know nothing about the nitty gritty medical details that would go into that so I feel like my attempt would be bad and unrealistic and honestly the only outcome I could see would be Riza dying anyway because burning an artery and just that whole area is bad news and wouldn’t end well, especially because Roy would probably be nervous and have shaky hands and mess up.

10. Will you keep a record of all the fics you write and/or post this year? - Probably not beyond posting them to FFNet and AO3. I never really thought about keeping a record of the stuff I write.

11. Would you like to try any new fanfic genres or tropes in 2018? - I think I answered this above, but more Angst and stuff in that vein.

12. Will you change anything about the way you edit or rewrite in 2018? - I want to get better at description and make my prose sound nicer. Right now, my writing is very straight forward and not flowery at all. I don’t necessarily like flowery writing as sometimes I have no idea what the author is trying to say if it gets too flowery and purple, but I feel like my writing is very lackluster and missing something. So I’d like to get better at showing and not telling more often.

13. Aside from fanfic, are there any other fan works you’d like to try creating? Fanart, or fanvids, gifsets, or podfic?- I’d love to get back into drawing far more often. I used to draw all the time in high school. I gave it up for so long after I graduated and I miss it. I only drew a few times last year, but I’d like to pick it up far more often. Like, maybe even do a monthly request type thing where I take requests once a month and draw for people instead of going for, like, five months and then being like “I feel like drawing, send in requests.” I’d just like to do it more often.

14. Have you ever lost large chunks of your work in the past, due to not backing up your work? Will you change your methods in 2018? - Oh yeah. I’ve lost so much stuff because my hard drives have crashed several times in the past, like, ten years. All my old original writing was lost to the void in high school when my Mac’s hard drive crashed for the first time. I did manage to print some of it off though, which I found recently, but it was only a fraction of what I had written in my high school years. It honestly wasn’t great anyway, but it’s still upsetting to lose stuff I worked on for years. It’s why I use Google Docs mostly now and I do have a thumb drive that I download stuff onto occasionally now.

15. Do you foresee any personal or professional obstacles in 2018, that would keep you from creating fanworks?- I really really want to finish my original novel, so fanfics might take a backseat to that if I feel like I’m not keeping up with it well enough. My dream is to be a published author, even if that means publishing myself. Also my dog isn’t doing so well recently and if his ailments progress as rapidly as they seem to be right now… Well I hope it doesn’t come to anything serious, but losing him might take a huge toll on me and I know I’ll probably fall into a serious depression for a long time. Which is why I want to finish my original novel as soon as possible, because I know if I lose him I’ll never finish my book, at least not for a few years.

16. Do you have that one fanfic that you wrote a ton for, ages ago, but never posted? Will this be the year, come hell or high water, that it WILL get finished and posted? - Nope, I always post stuff, even if it’s a WIP multichapter. I tend to be proud of stuff and want to get it out to share it asap. It’s why lack of hits/comments/shares upsets me a lot of the time. I wouldn’t share my work if I wasn’t proud of it, but lack of hits and response makes me feel like everything I do is shit.

17. Do you typically answer all comments/reviews individually? Do you plan to change the way you interact with your readers this year? - Yes, especially on AO3. It’s a little harder on FFNet since you have to PM the person and I didn’t even realize you could respond like that until recently. I definitely plan to thank and respond to people individually more often so they know just how much I appreciate their comments.

18. Do you typically post multi-chapters as you write, or finish it all and then start posting? Would you like to change your posting method?- Honestly, I really should write the whole damn thing and then post it, but I post each chapter as I go. My problem is that I have a difficult time staying motivated to write something without feedback from people. It’s why writing my original stuff can be so hard at times. I really would like to finish a thing before I begin posting though because that way if I lose motivation, I don’t disappoint people by either not updating for a long time or never updating again.

19. Would you consider non-fandom writing events, like NaNoWriMo or writing contests?- I did Camp Nano where I managed to write 25k words for my original novel. It’s what really helped me get going with that. I wanted to do the actual NaNo event, but was depressed and busy during that time. I would like to do both this year though and maybe finish my book then (though I’d like to be done with my book sooner than that.)

20. Any plans to work on original fiction this year? - Yep, as I said before, I want to finish my book this year. Even if no one reads it, it’s been my dream since middle school to finish and publish it and this is the time I’m going to actually do it. No more sitting on it wishing it would just magically be written for me. Even if people don’t like it, I’m going to finish it because I like it.

[useyourrwords]

2019 Ahead // It’s Twentybiteen, You Ready?

I’m back! Again!

Your fave chaotic disaster queer took time off once again to get her shit together! Did I???? Kinda???

I’m glad I took the time off, I needed that time and space to sort out and find balance in my life and did I???? Kinda???

So now I’m back! There are going to be a few changes! But I’ll go through that a little later in this post.

2018 was fucking hard man. It was maybe the worst year of my life so far which is not an easy feat, let me tell you!

I’m glad it’s over, I’m thankful for the lessons it gave me but more than anything I’m grateful for the foundation in providing for the next chapter of my life.

2019 so far has been just getting through the delayed effects of the last part of 2018 honestly. But I’m hopeful it’ll only get better from here.

         TBR

So what are the books I plan to read this year?? Honestly too many but here are the books I definitely want to get to in 2019.

I was going to talk about my anticipated releases BUT literally, everyone has done that so it’s not like I’d be sharing new information with anyone. No shade! Y’all those lists are amazing and I love them because I am always behind on what is coming out. Those posts just aren’t for me personally to write. But mostly it’s because this year I am focusing on books I actually own and neglected all of last year while I was busy having a love affair with my library.

│The Raven Cycle│Maggie Stiefvater│

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I read the first book in 2017 and then my mum bought me the whole series for my birthday in 2018 and do you think I’ve read them yet??? Of course not! So I want to this year for sure!

│Shadow and Bone Series│Leigh Bardugo│

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I loved the Six of Crows duology and now that the Grishaverse is getting a Netflix series I have to read the first series! Undoubtedly I will probably reread the Six of Crows duology after.

│The Conqueror’s Saga│Kiersten White│

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I loved the first book in this series and I’ve bought the other two books as soon as they came out but did I read them??? No.

│Montague Siblings│Mackenzi Lee│

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I really enjoyed the first book in this series even though I was in a major reading slump and it heavily dampened my experience but I still enjoyed it so I’m looking to rereading it and then following it with the last book!

│Villains│VE Schwab│

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I loved the first book and I can’t wait for the second one to come out. I ordered it in December but I entered my address wrong so I ended up going to my neighbour’s house to ask if they had it and they did!!!! Thank god for that!

I think I’ll wait to read them until I can get the paperbacks though since I like to annotate but not in my special editions.

│The Dark Artifices│Cassandra Clare│

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I loved the first book so much and I meant to read Lord of Shadows asap but then didn’t??? Now I’m just waiting for the last book to come out in the small paperback so I can read the series start to finish.

│Harry Potter Series│JK Rowling│

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│ I’m not putting LGBT rep because it’s not actually in the book and JK’s intentions don’t seem genuine to me.

The first time I read this series was 2011. And I didn’t finish it. So I’m gonna try again and watch the movies as I go to compare as well! And every time JK does some dumbass shit I am thankful I bought my copies secondhand.

│Sharp Objects│Gillian Flynn│

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I fucking loved the TV series, it was so intense! I’m looking forward to reading the book!

│Sadie│Courtney Summers│

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I’ve heard such good things and I need to read it but there’s a huge wait at the library and they do not have enough copies across the state library network so I might just end up buying it??

│Sawkill Girls│Claire Legrand│

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I’m planning on reading this one this month if I can get a hold of it from the library!

│The Hate U Give│Angie Thomas│

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I neeeeeed to read this one pronto!!!!

│Rejected Princesses│Jason Porath│

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│Bygone badass Broads│Mackenzi Lee│

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So I decided on my new Structured TBR each month (More info in my Month Ahead post!) I’m going to read a certain amount of entries in these each month over the year.

│Simon Vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda│Creekwood Series│Becky Albertelli│

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I need to read the book for my fave romcom guys, I just have to.

│Children of Blood & Bone│Legacy of Orïsha #1│Tomi Adeyemi│

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I literally bought this the day it came out and so, of course, I haven’t read it yet.

│City of Ghosts│Cassidy Blake #1│Victoria Schwab│

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I have to read it, it’s a Schwab book. But I am pumped for it!!!

│Percy Jackson and the Olympians│Rick Riordan│

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A childhood classic I never fucking read as a child. Also, I now own almost all or Riordan’s books because they were super cheap secondhand and so I have to read them.

Past Grey Reads

 Book Review // Girl Made of Stars – I Am Broken

 Book Review // Everything Leads To You – A Quite Love Story

 Book Review // The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo – What Do You Mean She’s Not a Real Person???

        TBW

Basically here’s a bunch of movies and seasons released this year that I want to watch!

│The Hate U Give│

│Jan 31│

George Tillman Jr.│

Amandla Stenberg, Regina Hall, Russell Hornsby│

Australia sucks so this only just came out here but I am ready.

│On The Basis of Sex│

│Feb 7│

Mimi Leder│

Felicity Jones, Armie Hammer, Justin Theroux│

Looks like a good feminist film!

│Captain Marvel│

│Mar 7│

Anna Boden, Ryan Fleck│

Brie Larson, Gemma Chan, Samuel L. Jackson│

What is this??? The first solo Marvel film for a female Avenger??? I have been waiting!

│Avengers: Endgame│

│Apr 24│

Anthony Russo, Joe Russo│

Brie Larson, Bradley Cooper, Karen Gillan│

I am not ready. Not even a little bit. I’m just glad it’s confirmed that our lil spidey survives somehow.

│Detective Pikachu│

│May 9│

 Rob Letterman│

Suki Waterhouse, Ryan Reynolds, Kathryn Newton│

When I first saw the trailer I legit thought it was a very cleverly put together fan trailer and died when I realised it was real.

│Aladdin│

│May 23│

Guy Ritchie│

Will Smith, Billy Magnussen, Naomi Scott│

I am so excited, it’s gonna be so magical!

│Rocketman│

│May 30│

Dexter Fletcher│

Richard Madden, Bryce Dallas Howard, Taron Egerton│

I never knew I needed it but then I heard of it and then I watched the trailer and now I’m already a fan.

│Men in Black: International│

│Jun 13│

F. Gary Gray│

Rebecca Ferguson, Chris Hemsworth, Tessa Thompson│

This movie is for the bisexuals.

│Spider-Man: Far From Home│

│Jul 4│

Jon Watts│

Zendaya, Jake Gyllenhaal, Cobie Smulders│

Okay blogging secret, when it comes to the directors, creators and stars of this segment I always just copy and paste from IMDB because I’m lazy and can we just appreciate the fact that Tom Holland—the literal star of the movie, the person who plays the main character—isn’t even listed at the top as part of the top stars.

Also, I’m very excited to watch this. Tom and Zendaya are my children and they must be protected at all costs.

│It: Chapter 2│

│Sep 5│

Andy Muschietti│

James McAvoy, Jessica Chastain, Bill Skarsgård│

I’m ready for adult loser club thanks.

│Star Wars: Episode IX│

│Dec 19│

J.J. Abrams│

Keri Russell, Adam Driver, Richard E. Grant│

I’m always happy with a new Star Wars film.

│To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before 2│

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Susan Johnson│

 Lana Condor, Noah Centineo│

YES YES YES YES YES.

│Brooklyn Nine-Nine│Season 6│

│Jan 10│

Daniel J. Goor, Michael Schur│

 Andre Braugher, Andy Samberg, Stephanie Beatriz│

I’m so glad NBC saved this!!!!

│One Day At A Time│Season 3│

│Feb 8│

Gloria Calderon Kellett, Mike Royce│

Justina Machado, Todd Grinnell, Isabella Gomez│

This is probably mine and mum’s fave sitcom that makes us piss ourselves laughing but also makes us sob.

│Game of Thrones│Season 8│

│Apr 14│

David Benioff, D.B. Weiss│

Emilia Clarke, Peter Dinklage, Kit Harington│

I won’t make it to the end of 2019, not because of depression

 but because I’m going to die while watching this, I know it.

│Stranger Things│Season 3│

│Jul 4│

Matt Duffer, Ross Duffer│

Millie Bobby Brown, Finn Wolfhard, Winona Ryder│

I just want the gang together and happy.

│Mindhunter│Season 2│

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Joe Penhall│

Jonathan Groff, Holt McCallany, Anna Torv│

I gotta watch it and live text my thoughts to my aunt who is hugely into true crime (so much so that she is studying criminology). Because I’m hilarious and also I know she’ll appreciate it and also I no longer have a best friend to do this shit with.

│Big little Lies│Season 2│

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David E. Kelley│

 Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman, Shailene Woodley│

Big Little Lies rocked my world and made me realise I actually like thrillers.

│RuPaul’s Drag Race UK│Season 1│

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I’m just excited to see what a season would look like that isn’t hosted and judged by RuPaul.

Past Grey Watches

 Grey Watches // I Wanna Bone Jude Law and Kate Winslet – The Holiday

 Grey Watches // It Has To Be A Shit Show – A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding

 Grey Watches // I Hate It So Much I Love It – A Christmas Prince

Yes I know I said I wouldn’t change the appearance of my blog while I was gone but we all know I’m a dirty liar.

Besides, it’s only some small tweaks here and there and I won’t be going back through my past posts to edit everything to match. A year of posts is too many. I promised myself and my mum I wouldn’t do it again.

This year I’m going to be posting less! Like half the amount I did last year.

Last year I eventually got to a schedule of four posts a week and this year I will be doing two.

I’m doing this for a couple of reasons.

I exercise and eat healthy now and it turns out those two things take up so much time.

I wanna start actually dedicating time to working on my new WIP and maybe have a draft by the end of the year????

I’m planning on doing more Grey Watches post this year, and my book review posts will now be called Grey Reads and I might try and do more discussion posts called Grey Speaks and maybe WIP writing updates in Grey Writes??? It’s all about that branding.

But who knows what I’ll do, honestly I don’t even know myself! I’m terrible with follow through but we’ll see!

My Ancient Archive posts will be moved to once every two months as well because those posts take ages and as much as I love them I just don’t have that kind of time. And they’ll also get a rename—Grey Learns

I was also going to start requesting physical ARCs from publishers but ahhhh turns out I don’t actually enjoy writing reviews??? And there’s always the risk that I’m not gonna like it and I’ll feel obligated to finish it and I don’t have time for that either so I’m not doing that, I’ll be requesting far, far less from Netgalley.

I’ll be posting book reviews roughly once or twice a month, instead of once a week. I’ll still be writing reviews for all the books I read but they’ll be a lot shorter and I’ll mostly just post them on my Goodreads.

If you notice I am reading a book you wanna see a review of over on here, let me know and I’ll be sure to post it!

Past Month In Review

 Month in Review // Christmas is Over Thank Fuck – December

 Month in Review // November – I Already Hate Christmas

 Month in Review // July, August, September & October – New Post Series!

Goals

 Get to a point where I walk 10000 steps a day.

On the reg, like every day for the most part. At the moment I just have my step goal as 8000 a day because small steps literally.

But I hit my first 10000 steps on the 16th of last month so that was very exciting for me especially since it was on the day I don’t go for a walk and proved why that is my day off because it’s my shopping day so I’m clearly walking plenty, to begin with!

 Find a way to be more financially stable somehow.

Whether that be by a full-time job or maybe work out a way to get paid for doing what I love??

I don’t know. I’m trying to be more open to different paths to get to a place I want to be.

Also, it seems like I may be forced into this sooner rather than later thanks to things out of my control so that’s exciting but also terrifying because ANXIETY.

 Finish a draft for my WIP.

Have I started writing it yet? Absolutely not but I’m gonna try!

And I’m very excited about the concept. Think queer banshees and witches and strong women and girls supporting each other. That’s the plan.

 Read 50 books.

I read 100 last year and 130 the year before that but with focusing on writing and my health I feel that trying to keep reading that many books is just going to stress me out so I’m not doing it!

Also, I’m already struggling to get through a book a week right now and I need to if I have any hope of just reading 50.

 Legally change my name FINALLY!

And guess what guys that one is very close to being complete!

I’ve submitted to the paperwork and now it’s just the waiting for it to get approved and then I can pick up my new birth certificate!

I’ve been waiting for this moment for years so I’m very excited!

 Continue going to therapy.

I’m in a much better mental space than I was last year but I still need therapy. Especially since last year was basically just me venting about how fucked up my family is and this year is about me so I want to use my therapy to focus on my shit, get official diagnoses and maybe testing out medication???

Also find a better way to deal with my paranoia because guys, it’s been especially rough lately.

 Take regular mental health days

This is much needed!!!!!

And by mental health days I mean spend one whole day doing nothing but maybe watching Netflix and reading and crying if I need to.

My mum and I don’t really stop and so we get hit with emotions at really inconvenient times so I’m hoping that if we schedule a day where we can allow ourselves to be emotional then it might help?

I want to aim for once a month but we’ll see.

 Play more video games.

Because they’re fun and I like them and I keep telling myself I don’t have time because it’s not important but fuck important, sometimes you just gotta do shit because it’s fun and pointless.

Past Month Ahead

 Month Ahead // Happy Birthday To Me + Hiatus Announcement – January

 Month Ahead // December – I Already Hate It

 Month Ahead // November – New Post Series

2019 is all about growth and glow ups guys, I can feel it.

What are you doing this year? What are you reading? What are your goals?

│Blog│Goodreads│Instagram│Twitter│Tumblr│

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[potentiality-26]

What I’m Writing

Do Dis: List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets, whatever. 

I was tagged by @zombiisheep!  I’ve had to tweak the formula somewhat to fit my particular process. 

Tagging: I feel like most people have either already done this or been just tagged, but if you’re reading this and you want to do it, do it and tag me so I can see!  I will tag @futuredescending, though, mainly for expressing an interest in some of the fics that I list here.

(I put it under a read more because wow, it got long.  All the fics are for Kingsman, most are Hartwin but some not)

Fics I’m Actually Writing Editing/Reworking Now

- The Hartwin fic I previewed in my latest Sunday Six.  As you could probably tell from that, it involves Eggsy waking up in the hospital wing with Harry at his side and thinking he must be hallucinating, but I think I’ve done a fun twist on it.  Both amnesia and possible time travel are involved.  It’s already jossed by the trailer, but such is life.  Posted!

- A short(ish) fic also jossed by the trailer.  I wondered what (if anything) Merlin and/or Roxy might have done to keep the other Kingsman agents from doing what Harry did when Valentine turned the SIM cards on.  I came up with the idea of Amelia being assigned to get as many of them as possible somewhere safe, and discovering that Harry isn’t dead in the process.  It’s mainly focused on the interactions between her and Harry (and the other Kingsman), but there’s Amelia/Roxy (Roxelia?) and Hartwin in the background.  Posted!

- A companion to the above that picks up in Eggsy’s POV where the previous fic left off.  Mainly Hartwin with a side-order of Eggsy + Roxy friendship.  It’s shorter than I want it to be right now, so further shippy stuff might happen.  Maybe a little Merlin/Tilde?  Who knows.  Posted!  (Also two more originally unplanned sequels here and here, one from Harry’s POV and the other from Roxy’s.)

Fics That I’m Returning To Soon Making Slow But Sure Progress On

Note: if anyone reading this sees a fic (or two or five) that they would desperately like to see ASAP, please feel free to say so and I’ll try to put on a little more steam!

- A superpowers AU.  Pretty much every character has powers and appears in this fic, but the core group all live in a mansion together and work as private investigators.  It’s Merlin’s POV, but he’s a telepath with boundary issues so there’s quite a bit of Hartwin, Roxelle, and Percilot going on in the background.  Some Jamal/Ryan/Tilde also seems to be happening?  

- A Merhartwin(ish) fic.  In it Merlin is aro and he and Harry have a friends with benefits thing going on that really works for them.  The fic is mainly about the three of them figuring how Eggsy now fits into it.  It’s been tricky to make sure it isn’t too Hartwin + 1, but I really relate to Merlin in this fic so I think I can do him justice. 

- A Hartwin Angel Eggsy/Demon Harry AU that I actually started work on before Hope and Good Intentions, but it got stalled.  Hopefully I’ll figure out where I’m going with it soon.

- A Hartwin fic where Harry is the writer of a successful series of spy novels and he’s receiving threats.  Eggsy gets hired as his bodyguard and would you believe it they fall in love.  There’s a twist here but I don’t want to spoil it (how I will tag the story without spoiling it I do not currently know). 

- A Hartwin (+ Roxlin) regency AU.  Harry is a gentleman and war hero who takes Eggsy and his mother and sister under his wing.  It’s not based on any specific story from that period but the vibe is there, lots of slow burn and misunderstandings.  Also gay marriage is totes a thing in this universe because what is the genre without overwrought marriage proposals?

- A Hartwin fic based on the Star Trek: Voyager episode Shattered.  Different parts of Kingsman HQ are locked in different time periods.  Eggsy has to find a way to fix it, and he teams up with a version of Harry who is roughly his age and also another Galahad from the future. 

- A young Merlahad fic where Merlin is a scientist working for a potentially evil organization.  Harry is hired as his new muscle, but there’s more to him than meets the eye. 

- A Harry/Roxy (Harroxy?) marriage of convenience fic.  Harry needs a wife for Reasons.  He and Roxy get hitched and find it works for them.  Posted!

- An A/B/O AU with Harry/Eggsy/Merlin/Roxy (I know right?).  It’s alpha!Roxy’s POV because I always see people talking about the cool potential of lady alphas in this trope but I’ve never actually read a fic about one.  There’s lots of everyone figuring out their individual relationships and also how they work together as a group.  

- A Merwin-to-Merhartwin fic.  This is really just me trying to work through my hangups about Merwin in fic form, and though they’re both really crazy about Harry the story is largely about them figuring things out together while Harry’s busy being... like... Catholic (it makes sense in the fic).   

Fics That I Keep Putting Off 

Note: some of these are actually closer to finished than the ones above, but I’m just not feeling the mojo for whatever reason so they’re stalled.  Do feel free to poke me about any one of them too though.

- A 5 + 1 style Hartwin fic about the many times Harry and Eggsy get mistaken for a couple before they actually are.  I ended up putting a ton of my dog test angst and like all the PTSD in it, so it’s way less fluffy than that summary makes it sound.  There’s also some D/s.  IDEK. 

- A Hartwin magical realism AU where everyone has a fairy godparent who gives them a “gift” at some point in their lives.  That background is really just window dressing in a fic that’s mainly about Harry being a virgin.  Don’t ask me why that happened. 

- An established Merlahad fic about Merlin coming to terms with losing Harry and then finding him again.  It’s also jossed by the trailer but maybe it doesn’t have to be?  I don’t know.  I’ve mainly been putting off finishing it because I have some scenes written for a Merhartwin sequel to it, and in a perfect world I’d like to know where I was going with that before I took this one any further. 

- A Harroxy fic about Harry and Roxy being regular mission partners and eventually more than that.  It’s planned as part of a larger Harry/Eggsy/Roxy OT3 series, and therefore slow going. 

- A Hartwin Cinderella AU set in the Jupiter Ascending universe.  That makes sense in my head.  I also have a Gazelde The Little Mermaid sequel in mind, a Sleeping Beauty one with Eggsy and Gazelle being BFFs and saving their respective spouses, and a Beauty and the Beast one maybe with Roxlin. 

- A Hartwin soulmate AU?  Actually I’ve got three different Hartwin soulmate AUs.  One of them is like my soulmate magnum opus that starts before the first movie and then goes through it and changes the events quite a bit.  I’m thinking I’ll save it until after TGC because a) it’ll probably take that long to finish it anyway and b) since the plot of TSS is tweaked by it anyway, I could carry that through to the second movie and use it as a fix-it if necessary.  The other two are shorter, one set in the same universe as my James Bond fic Heartlines, and the other featuring amnesiac Harry posted here.

- Even more amnesiac Harry and/or time travel Hartwin fics.  I’m going to try to focus on just one or two of each, but I really can’t decide which.  I won’t go into detail about every single one since this is already so long, but feel free to ask for more info if you’re curious.  I’m always happy to cry about all my WIPs. 

- Two D/s AU fics, one Hartwin and one Merhartwin.  The first is classic dom Harry/sub Eggsy and largely mission related.  The other has switch Merlin, sub Harry, and dom Eggsy; it has quite a bit of pining Merlin, but in the end it’s very smutty.  I’m going to try to focus my energy on just one, but I haven’t decided which. 

I’ve also got a ton of shorter stories in the works, some sequels, and even more long WIPs, but these are the big ones I’m mainly hoping to get done with before we’re all old.