#I WOULD BE EVIL CACKLING IF I WAS DANA

[rainbowangel110]

BRUH

Basically What Happened

Flapjack : [died]

Sarah-Nicole Robles, Luz’s VA : NO TAKE ME!

Dana : well~

[litfeathers]

Before Hunter's Palisman Observations... Before Lilith's Letter... Before Luz's Diary Entry...

A witch's quill scratches on paper, her eyebrows furrowing in thought as she fills a well-worn book with her thoughts and desires and fears.

She smiles at the yellow bird who is fast asleep on her extra pillow, and with a snap of her fingers extinguishes the light spells that had been illuminating her cozy bedroom.

She sleeps.

She dreams…

She dreams of a strange world. A world without magic. A harsh world of rules, and penance, and fear.

A man stands in front of a bonfire, the glow of the firelight dancing on his wild blond hair. He is surrounded by a screaming crowd, torches and pitchforks and fists waving in the air.

"No," she begs. "No, no, no, no."

She calls his name over the cacophony of violent chanting, her voice muffled by the roar of the growing conflagration.

He turns.

She screams.

Blood. Smoke. Fire. The flash of a knife. It all happens too fast.

He is gone.

...and she wakes up.

Welcome to Evelyn's Journal.

Credits: -The phenomenal cover art was drawn by the absolute legend @bananadramaaa. Thank you so much for your help! -The script and Evelyn's voice were written and recorded by Birdie (that's me!) -It's probably pretty obvious, but this project was directly inspired by the audio recordings a few of TOH's VAs did for one of Dana's charity livestreams. Look them up if you have never heard them. They are fantastic!

The audio and script will also be available at AO3 on (or some time after) Sunday, March 26th. You may find it at litfeathers if you would like to give this project some love over there too!

The complete script can be found under the read more, so you may follow along if you wish.

Grab a snack and get comfy. We have an almost 15 minute runtime! Enjoy! 🔥🪶

Scaburary 10th

I had to cover for Bileadona at work. She never showed up for her shift, and so Goldie and I were forced to make an unexpected trip to Bonesborough.

Extra disappointing, since I was planning to spend the afternoon in the garden with my sketchbook. I wanted to redo my blue jay drawing, as I am not quite satisfied with it.

Ah, well. I’ll draw in the garden tomorrow.

Scaburary 11th

UUUGHHH DAMN RAIN!

Goldie has been moping and staring out the window at the sizzling forest all morning, desperately wishing she could have her early morning flight through the trees. I have given her a handful of seeds to help her feel better. She seems pouty still, but has cheered up slightly. She is currently ordering the seeds from most to least appealing. Heh. This should take her a while.

Only two days are left!

Scaburary 13th

Work, work, work. I couldn’t stop watching the sunlight and shadows slowly move across the library floor and sighing impatiently. Bileadona happened by my cart as I was shelving books, and asked why the calendar at my desk is so strange. I told her it was an old-fashioned solar calendar from the bloodievil period. She didn’t seem to buy it, but didn’t push the subject.

I also made a quick…detour before I went home. Just to say hello to some dear friends. Some very special friends who are going to severely regret their actions from last week.

*evil witch cackle*

As an added bonus, I finally managed to nab one of their…creative drawings of me. It is now proudly displayed on my living room wall, just above the couch. Truly, it is a work of art, and I am humbled by their kindness.

I just hope they find my return offering just as humbling ehehehehe.

I have been getting more and more excited for every visit to the Human Realm. Not that I have been there recently. I most definitely have not. Don’t be absurd.

But anyway. This week has dragged endlessly! I cannot wait for tomorrow.

It’s nice to have a friend.

Scaburary 14th, Human Realm year 1623

Today was nice.

It was a Friday in Human reckoning, so Caleb and I enjoyed the usual supper on a blanket in the snowy woods. I made sure to include dragon bacon sandwiches and deviled griffin stew in the spread, as they are his favorites. And of course, a thermos of hot apple blood to warm us up. It was a marvelous feast!

He looks a bit better lately. His skin is less pale, and the shadows under his eyes are less prominent.

The moment I landed at at our spot, Caleb immediately asked me if I had anything to do with the recent vandalism of the Gravesfield meetinghouse. I plead innocent. He grimly informed me that someone had scribbled all over the siding, and that one of the drawings bore a striking resemblance to Goldie. I expressed my deepest sympathies for the poor soul who would have to clean it up. He further informed me that the words “Evie was here” were scrawled over the front door. I told him that since my given name isn’t Evie, it’s Evelyn, he was clearly looking for another culprit. He grabbed me by the shoulders, looked me dead in the eye, and told me, in the most fed-up of tones, that the drawings could move.

“Huh,” I said. “In that case, it sounds like you might have a witch on your hands. I hear they are pretty tricky to deal with, but seeing as you are such an expert witch hunter, you surely won’t have a problem rooting her out!”

At that he made such a ridiculously frustrated face, I could no longer hold in my laughter. It was the look he gets where his cheeks flush and his nose flares. The red even reached his ears this time! Fantastic.

He gave up at that point. He just sighed deeply and shook his head. But I could tell he was desperately trying to hold back a smile.

While we enjoyed our meal, we got on the topic of weather. After my previous deception, he didn’t quite believe me when I told him that rain boils in the Demon Realm. When I cast an illusion to show him a typical Boiling Isles thunderstorm, his eyes lit up brighter than the sun. As fun as it is to tease and banter with him, I think I vastly prefer those quiet moments between us. When the storm clouds lift from his eyes.

*trails off*

I can tell he’s lonely.

Last week, while we were on our owl watch, he mentioned offhandedly that he hasn’t received a proper hug in years.

I was about to feign ignorance and pretend to not know what a hug is, until I realized that…err. Well, we are two galdorpeas in a pod in that regard, aren’t we?

And no, I did not offer myself up. Because some walls are built for a reason.

Caleb is surrounded by pitchforks and torches and prying eyes.

His village is dangerous.

His brother has been asking more and more…questions.

I know I shouldn’t keep doing this. I know I can’t keep doing this. There is a line, and I am terrified that I am gleefully dancing towards it, and one day I am going to be unable to stop myself from crossing into something…

*deep sigh*

…something I cannot come back from.

I am unwilling to admit this anywhere but here. And this is difficult to write, even if my eyes are the only ones that will ever read it. But…

He scares me.

Hah! How silly is that? We’re the closest of friends. I am a powerful adult witch. And I am scared of him?

It makes no sense. Witch hunter my butt! I trust him completely. He is kind. Sweet, even. No matter how much sass and grumpiness he sprinkles into his words, it is abundantly clear that his heart is made of pure gold. His smile could melt snow. His soft words could tame the wildest slitherbeast. His laugh is pure music.

*embarrassed cough*

So, then. Why the fear? Why have I been finding myself so on edge around him lately? It’s incredibly frustrating.

Words are difficult to get out. My pulse quickens when he sits too close. I can no longer look him in the eye without my face heating up. What else could cause this but fear? It is clearly my body warning me that what I am doing is incredibly foolish.

Or perhaps it’s just the apple blood.

*sighs in frustration, then there is a long moment of silence*

No. I’m not that naive. I know it’s not the apple blood. It’s just that…I’m…

I’m not ready.

I don’t have much more I would like to say on this topic, so I suppose I shall end this entry and tuck myself into bed with a good book. Perhaps Goldie would like for me to read her another story.

Here’s hoping for some nice dreams. Titan willing.

Goodnight.

Scaburary 15th

I had the day off from work. I tried to draw in the garden, but my redo of the blue jay sketch came out even worse than the original. I ended up spending most of my day on the couch, half paying attention to a book I could barely focus on enough to read.

I had dreams last night. Dreams I absolutely refuse to relive by writing them down.

Please. Please, please, please let tonight be better.

Scaburary 16th

Oh, Titan. I hate this.

I have made a decision. A decision I am absolutely miserable to be making.

It’s something I can absolutely not back out on. Something I should have done ages ago.

Something I should have done before I got…attached.

No matter what, this will end in pain. But it must end. Before he is harmed. Or worse. I know what I must do. But it hurts. I have to protect him. This week will be rough. Please wish me luck and courage.

Scaburary 17th My chest hurts. My eyes are sore. Everyone has been giving me space at work. I am sure they can tell something is very wrong, but no one has pried. At least I managed to keep it together until I was halfway home. Be proud of my fortitude.

After I was done being sorry for myself, I got an idea. I am unsure if I will be able to follow through with my plan. But if I can find my courage, perhaps I can at least try.

When we say our goodbyes, I can at least ensure Caleb still has a friend.

I haven’t carved a palisman in years. Not since I made Goldie with Mother and Father. And not since they…

*chokes up for a second*

I don’t even know if I remember how. But there is a grove of healthy palistrom trees in the backyard. And I still have my knife.

I even know what he would want.

Fine. Tomorrow I will start carving.

Scaburary 18th I opened my journal to write, but I have nothing substantial to say. This week has been miserable. I wish it were Friday so I could get this over with. Goldie keeps offering me seeds to cheer me up. I’m sorry, Goldie. I appreciate the gesture, but not everything can be fixed with a tasty seed.

Scaburary 19th I sent Goldie to deliver my final rebus message. I got such an excited response back, I nearly lost it again. He has heard a saw-whet owl in the woods by the fields. He wants to take me out there to listen for it. Sounds lovely. I suppose it’s nice to look forward to one last owl watch. What should I do with the remaining Titan’s blood? Dispose of it? Donate it to a researcher? All I know is that I cannot keep the vials. Lest I be…tempted. I’ll miss the birds. Caleb’s gift is drying on the kitchen table. I wonder what wish he will make.

Scaburary 20th I am surprisingly calm. There is something to be said for allowing yourself to…feel. To let your emotions exist, acknowledge them, let them out. That isn’t typically how I operate, but perhaps it can be advantageous to…sometimes…occasionally…not bury everything? As much as I hate to admit it. I was even able to laugh at Goldie’s antics. She brought home a rattle worm and pretended to feed it to our new scarlet friend. She even feigned offense when he refused her gift by remaining silent and wooden. Silly bird! I don’t know what I would ever do without her. I think I will be fine. Once the dust settles. We will all be fine.

Scaburary 22nd I do not know where to start. It is late evening. I am sitting here in bed, journal in lap, as usual. But Goldie is perched on my shoulder instead of her usual spot on my extra pillow. Because my extra pillow is occupied. It is occupied by a blond human and a small red bird. Oh. He just reached out in his sleep to hug my waist. I suppose I’m trapped now. I’ve never been so happy. I’ve never been so happy, and yet so anxious? I can’t stop smiling. I don’t think I’ve stopped smiling or swooning or giggling since last night! How embarrassing. How completely and utterly embarrassing! ...Goldie, I know you are reading this. I can hear you laughing! Quit it! I think I’m still in a bit of shock-GOLDIE THIS IS PRIVATE. I haven’t quite processed any of this-I KNOW YOU CAN FEEL MY EMOTIONS AND HEAR MY THOUGHTS! I DON’T CARE! YOU’RE STILL BEING NOSY. WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE WERE BOTH SO OBVIOUS? I SAID STOP LAUGHING!!! Fine. You were right. Is that what you wished to hear? Are you happy now, you smug little feather brain? Good. Anyway. Where was I? Everything happened so…fast. The last 24 hours have been absolutely wild. And terrifying. And…intense. But I think I can finally admit something important, even if it’s only here for now. Let’s see if I can manage to actually write it. Goodness, my hand is shaking. Alright. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. Here goes… *swoons a little* I’m in love. Goodnight, everyone. Sweet dreams. *snaps fingers, and light spells are extinguished* Sung: You are not alone No matter how far you have flown Together we feel we’re at home In darkness light shines in your bones *As she hums the song fades out*

[notallwonder]

CME 17x09 spoilers probably.

- I guess I gotta rely on someone else to get good screen grabs of the BAU conspiracy boards

- but also who is the bearded guy on JJ's board supposed to be? Didn't recognize him at all

- side note I'm sure Doug Bailey's family is going to come into this at some point. The way Brian Garrity said "he had parents..." that one time. And now they name-checked Bailey again

- I like the Dana / Jade duo. Too bad that didn't last!

- Voit's "Toodles" made me cackle

- Garcia saying "rizz" also made me cackle but like differently, in a sad way

- Tyler is annoying again, paired up with Emily. idk why. he's just a lil boy and she's... Emily. like...the wine pairing is wrong

- Frank Church is quite a guy. Likes to push buttons I see. ...What the hell do I know him from?

- HOLY SHIT BALLS BATMAN. I checked IMDb. Tuc Watkins. He played Nate. In WH13. MOTHERFUCKING NATE. HG'S BEARD IN BOONE WISCONSIN NATE. FUCKING NATE!!! my god. FUCK

- the yell I let out

- fucking NATE, of all the things......christ

- i'm dying. I was following along with interest but now I'm like...activated (lol)

- if hg wells found out about this BS she would torture murder him SO HARDDD posthaste

- GOD. now I want Jaime Murray on cme as a hot evil sexy big bad. oh no now im daydreaming about her and paget going head to head. my life is ruined. RUINED

- alright........ forcibly moving on

- I like Garcia's jacket

- criminal minds but actually wait no, government / anti- government conspiracy manipulating and torturing children. like the Afghanistan storyline for JJ, another sick fuck co-opting covert state action to feed his own evil ends.

- makes it easy to root for Jade.

- this fucker. Nate. motherfucker!

- emily quoting gandalf, pls 😂

- oh, she's just walking in. Emily you badass. the memory of minimal loss echoing in my brain

- this episode is exciting.

- so what building is Jade blowing up? and like...is Emily in it by any chance???!!!! Aaaaaaaaa

- they really built that tension at the end! only one more episode, damn

........

I'm still so mad tho. Nate. NATE!!!

fuck!

[skyland2703]

Character ask: Conner McKnight, Katherine Hillard, Carter Grayson, Rose Ortiz, Prince Phillip, and Aisha Campbell.

THANKS FOR THE ASK!!! Sorry it took me so long!! I was kinda stuck on the MMPRs heheh

Conner McKnight:

• favorite thing about them: I love his hair I literally love his hair I WANT his hair!

• least favorite thing about them: his characterisation of the “standard jock” is just… mehhh. Not a big fan, there. A lot of his personality traits come from that and I would just like to avoid him more often than not.

• favorite line: when he said Dr. O is batman *cackles*

• brOTP: Conner & Trent. Also Conner & Kira

• ОТР: CONNER/ETHAN!!!!!

• ПОТР: …none yet

• random headcanon: he knows he’s taking his life to shit but he just always goes :D because if someone finds out he doesn’t have everything under control, they’re gonna think of him being weak.

Also his parents are going through a divorce.

• unpopular opinion: he doesn’t feel very much like red ranger material + dr O’s presence overshadowed that for most of the season anyway.

• song i associate with them:

• favorite picture of them: loved him in the SPD team up, so this:

Kat Hilliard:

• favorite thing about them: she was a cat.

• least favorite thing about them: she was a cat.

• favorite line: “Oh no, they're forcing Bulk and Skull to dance the conga!”

• brOTP: Tommy & Kat (and a lot of the MMPRs in general)

• ОТР: none yet,,, I mean I know a lot of people ship her with Jason or Tommy but idk. I haven’t watched enough of MMPR to make a definite opinion of my own…? But I feel like I wouldn’t vibe with it, somehow.

• ПОТР: Kat/Kim (Sorry to those who ship it, but too much pink energy is dangerous)

• random headcanon: she’s a hopeless romantic and loves looking at the stars at night and walk barefoot on the grass and all those soft things, and hopes someday she’d get to do the same with her lover/partner. Extremely high expectations of romance, and an equally high level of optimism and hope to meet those expectations. (i hope its in character for her. like i said, my mmpr knowledge is limited..)

• unpopular opinion: she owns a licensed pistol and will not be messed with. She’s still got a little bit of… uh.. evil left in her. It’s for the better though.

• song i associate with them:

• favorite picture of them: she’s so pretty abdfnsndnnr

Carter Grayson:

• favorite thing about them: he can go fucking blast GUNS at a giant monster— i don’t think ANYTHING gets cooler than that. This man is not afraid to die and it shows.

• least favorite thing about them: I don’t like the Lightspeed rescue suits and his battilizer is another level of 😬😬😬

• favorite line: “I see you're still keeping bad company.” From the TF team up~

• brOTP: Carter & Kelsey

• ОТР: ….Very inclined to say Carter/Dana, but I don’t think they fall into the otp category.. per se?? Ship, yes, very much, but I am open to other pairings. Maybe Carter/Ryan????

• ПОТР: Carter/Chad

• random headcanon: He likes hot cocoa and marshmallows and has a sweet tooth in general. The aqua base is always STOCKED with sweet foods for him— be it gum or candies or chocolates— he NEEDS to have something sweet on his person when they’re going for battle. Half his decisions are taken on a sugar high~

• unpopular opinion: he’s reckless and might just end up paying for it. Yes it’s cool, yes it’s badass, but it’s also dangerous. *runs and hides in a corner to watch the fireworks go off*

• song i associate with them: this one. Just. So frickin FIIITSSS

• favorite picture of them: THERE WAS THIS ONE PIC WHERE HE LOOKED LIKE A LIL GOLDEN RETRIEVER PUPPY BUT I CANT FIND IT

Rose Ortiz:

• favorite thing about them: HER ENTRY SCENE!! Her style in that moment the first time we see her THAT IS HOW YOU LEAVE AN IMPRESSION PEOPLE!!!!

• least favorite thing about them: how they went with a “I never had a regular childhood” but how there’s nothing “different” about her because of that, except maybe a superiority complex. They did it better with Dr K. Later on in RPM, and could’ve improved on Rose if they tried something similar.

• favorite line: “You’re rich. Buy an army” i love her sass so much

• brOTP: Rose & Dax. I just think it’s the perfect “he’s going to kill all my braincells” dynamic, because while she’s smart™️, he’s got absolutely nothing on the top floor.

• ОТР: N/A

• ПОТР: Rose/Tyzonn, Rose/Dax, Rose/any guy, actually.

• random headcanon: She has a collection of fridge magnets she buys from everywhere they visit for their missions. Like they keep na hour or two to visit the local markets because “rose wants magnets” and she just puts all of them on Hartford’s fridge, which is already crowded with so much shit as it is. Spencer is the only one who really appreciates her magnets 😔💖

• unpopular opinion: the entire overdrive team acts like they’re on drugs and Rose is no exception even though everyone considers her to be the smart/sensible one. She’s just as reckless/crazy if not more XD

• song i associate with them:

• favorite picture of them: I had such a crush on her asdfghjklhgds

Prince Phillip:

• favorite thing about them: I don’t think we have a lot of “existing royalty” characters in PR and I think this is an interesting concept DC played with, especially when he was trying to “buy” his good deeds and all that~ that entire episode was masterful!! And he really DID have a good heart!!!

• least favorite thing about them: they kept getting rid of him because he had to “run his kingdom”. Come on man— let him work at the Dino bite cafe a bit??!???? For just a couple episodes??

• favorite line: “Wait - aren't you the museum director?”

• brOTP: Philip/James Navarro. Both of them don’t show up a lot they can bond over that 😂 (ok honestly everyone who survived from S2E18 works ask brotp)

• ОТР: Prince Philip/Sir Ivan. I mean it’s basically a given at this point~

• ПОТР: Philip/Kendall

• random headcanon: he calls his pacha zord at times in Zandar and talks to him when he’s feeling lonely

• unpopular opinion:

• song i associate with them:

• favorite picture of them: love him when he’s all ruffled

Aisha Campbell:

• favorite thing about them: I love her especially in the comics!!

• least favorite thing about them: …nothing. At all. I love her!!

• favorite line: “it’s just the place where everyone thinks we’re idiots”

• brOTP: Aisha & Billy, Kim and Tommy

• ОТР: Adam/Rocky/Aisha

• ПОТР: none yet?

• random headcanon: she takes Adam and Rocky with her every time they go to get a haircut. The three of them, they do everything together. And she even makes Adam grow his hair out~

• unpopular opinion: I didn’t want her leaving the show 😭

• song i associate with them:

• favorite picture of them:

[thedeaditeslayer]

Crash Palace Interview: Catching Up with Dana DeLorenzo.

This interview briefly brushes over Ash vs Evil Dead and Dana’s latest projects.

Even though it has been over two years since Ash vs Evil Dead has been on the air, fans still clamor for their favorite badass, Deadite slaying heroine, Kelly Maxwell. Dana DeLorenzo, the actress behind her is equally adored and cherished by admirers of the Sam Raimi legendary horror franchise.  

So, as always, I was thrilled to speak with her about life after Ash, her latest movie, the heartwarming holiday comedy, Friendsgiving and what she has on the horizon. Welcome to the Crash Palace Interview with Dana DeLorenzo…  

The Denouement of Ash vs Evil Dead Crash Palace: Thanks for speaking with me, Dana. It’s always a pleasure. Let’s talk about life after Ash vs Evil Dead. As you know, Lee Cronin is helming the latest installment in the Evil Dead franchise, Evil Dead Rise. Fans were hoping that the Ghostbeaters would be a part of that venture. While we know it is going in a different direction, do you think Kelly Maxwell could show up some time in the future?  

Dana DeLorenzo: One can dream, right? Let me take this moment, right off the bat to say something I say often because I mean it, and I can’t say it enough. People who know me know this is not fan service. I say it when I’m not doing interviews; I say it to my closest friends and my family on the regular.

I am so grateful to the fans of Ash vs Evil Dead and the Evil Dead franchise all over the world. They have truly been my Jiminy Crickets throughout this insane, bizarre year that is 2020. They have gotten me through so many of the toughest days, just by keeping the bloody love alive. With every year that passes, even though we haven’t filmed a season of the show for three years, it feels like it’s fresh because of the fans .

So, to all you Ghostbeaters out there: I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope I get to meet all of you someday. But I can’t convey enough how your passion and love of the show has gotten me through this 2020 roller coaster; thank you for keeping Kelly’s ass-kicking spirit alive! On that note, I have really missed the show, I’ve missed playing Kelly. I posted some things recently about Ash vs Evil Dead, photos I hadn’t looked at in a while. I miss it a lot. I like to keep hope alive that someday, somewhere, the Ghostbeaters will be reunited. Even just for a quick Ghostbeaters fist bump.

Is Kelly Maxwell going to show up in this film? No. I won’t say never, but from what I understand, this is an alternate universe for Evil Dead Rise, separate from Fede Alvarez’s movie with Jane Levy and it’s separate from Ash vs Evil Dead. It’s a new adventure in the Evil Dead universe. And I can’t wait to see the new blood and guts journey Lee Cronin takes us on. I would like to think in the Ghostbeaters’ universe, we’re still kicking it and we’re still fighting evil. But I am loving that the fans are clamoring for it! They can keep pestering Rob, Sam and Bruce the way they have for twenty-five years before Ash vs Evil Dead came to be — their persistence is what got me that dream job.

So, if they want to continue to pester to bring us all back, I won’t stop them! Because we know the fans have the power to persuade. It might take another twenty-five years. But I am always down to play with those guys and our great crew.  

CP: Do you keep in touch with anyone from the show?

DD: Yeah, I try and keep up with what everyone is doing and shoot them a message to tell them I miss them like the sap that I am. I just miss seeing their faces every day, you know?  I miss Lucy’s face pretty hard, and not just because she’s ‘Lucy Flawless’! She’s got new shows left and right, she never stops! Ray and I randomly text Pablo and Kelly’s catchphrases to each other. “How are you holding up? / What is happening?!” We said that pretty much every episode so it still makes me laugh. Arielle and I chat often even though she lives in Australia, she’s like my little sister! Bruce often responds “ in character” with the latest Snapchat filter. He loves those — just check his Twitter feed — and it’s all my fault. I showed him how to make them while filming Season 3. He could probably do a show solely with Snapchat characters — I’d watch.  

Fall from Perpetual Grace

CP: Let’s shift gears for a moment and talk about another series that you appeared on. You had a great run on EPIX with Perpetual Grace, LTD working with the talented Jimmi Simpson, Luis Guzman and of course, Jacki Weaver and Sir Ben Kingsley. There was some talk about a possible movie to tie up all the storylines after the show ended. Do you know if that is in the works?

DD: I have no idea, but I really hope that happens. Steven Conrad is a genius and so was that cast. If you haven’t seen or become a part of the cult following of Patriot on Amazon or Perpetual Grace, you should. But the people he casts and the stories he writes and the beauty of the cinematography, all  create a piece of art that is in its own category. He has such a strong point of view, aesthetic and vision, you always know when you’re watching a Steven Conrad show.

I’ve been very lucky to be part of two shows where both casts were like extended family. Like Luis Guzman. We  talked recently, I adore him. Side bar: I feel like in a crazy, crossover world, Luis could be Pablo’s other uncle because of his giant heart and comedic delivery. Anyway, we’re both working on my friend Joe Ahern’s indie comedy, The Disappearance of Toby Blackwood, which he co-wrote with Doug Mellard. And I can’t wait for people to see Luis slay the screen, yet again. The filming process is pretty innovative during COVID, where everyone but the two main characters filmed their parts at home using an app. These guys were doing it before anyone else, so kudos to them.  

Friendsgiving: The Gift that Keeps on Giving

CP: I had the pleasure of watching Friendsgiving the other night and it was an enjoyable holiday film. You had some hilarious bits as Kat Dennings’ wise cracking sister, Barbara. What drew you to the project?

DD: Thank you for watching the film and I’m so glad you enjoyed it! It’s the kind of original comedy we all need right now.

I knew I was auditioning for Kat Dennings’ (Abby)  sister Barbara, whose part of Abby’s Jersey-Italian family. Within the first two lines of that family exchange, I was cackling. I’m drawn to anything that grabs my attention on the page and holds it for the entire sitting of reading the script. Those lines of dialogue, the way the family members are unapologetically who they are, and the fact they mean well but are constantly giving you their two cents when you don’t want it or ask for it, hooked me. And that kind of art-imitating-life comedy held up for the rest of the script for me. Nicol Paone hit it out of the park, both on the page and behind the lens. And I’m pretty sure it’s loosely based on a Thanksgiving that Nicol and Malin Ackerman shared.

The subject matter was also relatable. I’ve celebrated Thanksgiving with my family as well as a couple of Friendsgivings. And the bottom line is, the holiday is just dysfunctional, always. It might be a lot more fun with your friends but it’s still going to be dysfunctional.

That concept makes me laugh. It’s not funny when you’re the one going through the stress and drama of Thanksgiving. However, it’s very funny watching someone else go through it. It’s cathartic. That’s why I loved it.  

CP: With so many talented actors in the cast, do you have any behind the scenes anecdotes?

DD: There was a lot of laughing in between takes. It’s always a good sign when the crew laughs. Abby’s (Kat Dennings ) Jersey-Italian family was cast perfectly, and the actors were so damn funny! Rose Abdoo plays our mom, Nadya Ginsburg as Aunt Anna and Johnny Williams plays Uncle Sal. Like I said, it was already funny on the page, and Nicol being a New Jersey Italian herself really captured the essence of those family conversations. The actors brought Nicol’s words to life, and on a few takes she let us riff.  In one scene the Aunt Anna character was telling the scripted story of a sexual gesture; I remember laughing so hard at her adlibbing additional euphemisms for that particular act by referencing Italian food.

One of my favorite things Nicol did was add some of the funniest ad-libs and bloopers in the end credits. I love seeing those! Now everyone who sees the film will get to see those behind the scenes moments.  

The Show Must Go On

CP: When we were coordinating this interview, you told me that you were going into the studio to do voiceover work. Can you give us a hint about this upcoming effort?

DD: The show features a cast of familiar faces that might have worked together recently. I just realized what everyone is probably going to think when they read this.  

CP: Sorry everyone, it isn’t Ash vs Evil Dead. However, you have more work on the way. According to IMDb, you have completed a short film called PCH. What else can your fans look forward to?

DD: The Disappearance of Toby Blackwood which I mentioned before but we’re still filming that. I am so excited about this voiceover project because it’s completely original in every way, it really hasn’t been done before. And of course, Friendsgiving is out now in select theatres and VOD. It’s the perfect film to watch this Thanksgiving when we can’t celebrate as we usually do. You can laugh at the characters’ holiday drama and maybe even be grateful to take this year off.  

CP: Will you be appearing at any virtual conventions like Bruce and Ted are doing for Wizard World events?

DD: There are a couple in the works. But in the meantime, I’ve teamed up with this new platform called, Real Talk Live, which is both an app and on the web. It’s like a virtual convention where you can live video chat one on one, basically like a Zoom call. You can schedule the video call in advance or whenever catch me whenever I’m live. I think it’s a great solution, and personally I’m really looking forward to connecting with Evil Dead fans this way until live events pick back up. And it’s accessible worldwide so this will be great to finally see the amazing fans I hear from overseas. I miss interacting with them in the flesh, hearing their stories and seeing their badass cosplays! And do I miss pose-punching them in our epic photos. So I end with this, because I can’t say this enough: “Thank you, Ghostbeaters! I love you more than Ash Williams loves his Delta!”  

Many thanks to Dana DeLorenzo for spending time with me at Crash Palace. For those of you that haven’t had the chance to catch Friendsgiving, it is available online by buying or renting it as a video-on-demand on iTunes, FandangoNow and VUDU.

[intimidatingpuffinstudios]

Yet Another Public Commission!

My dudes, one incredibly kind patron has decided to gift you all with a 3700 words commission! That’s right, almost 4000 words of pure goodness, free of charge!

The pairing in this one is Daelynn/Eledwen/M!MC, and it starts sweetly and wholesomely with the family being out of a picnic with their kids and friends and ends in a scorching hot coupling sequence! This might just be one of the most explicit things I’ve written!

So, on that note, I’m going to post the first half of the story here, then the steamy half under a cut! I hope you all enjoy this!

~*~

You are sitting on a soft, comfy picnic blanket, breathing in the fresh air gently blowing away your white hair from your face. The sun is warming you with his rays and combined with the crisp breeze, your temperature is just perfect. The perfect day for a picnic.

Dana agrees with you— she is laying down on the grass a bit to your left and is patiently allowing your daughters to braid flowers into her mane. This mule is a true lady, and she has withstood everything for you.

Even now, she is going through torture in your name— your daughters are not the gentlest they could be with the old lady’s mane. And Daelynn isn’t much help in that regard.

The elven woman is sitting next to her daughters, helpfully providing them with all the flowers she has gathered for them, commenting on the patterns and color arrangements of the braids.

You chuckle softly to yourself, a slight shiver running through you— an involuntary reaction whenever you see these three blond heads put together. The twins are as rambunctious and lively as their mother. And when the little half-elves collude with their mother, even the most innocent-looking of activities can lead to disaster.

This is why the devilish trio must never be left alone, and Eledwen is usually on top of babysitting duty. She keeps the other three ladies contained, her quiet presence always a calming factor. But even your half-dragon love has her weaknesses. In this case, the weakness was DaeDae’s puppy eyes. The grey-eyed woman assured your dragon lady that she and the twins would be angels on earth. And Elly believed her— a mistake, really.

Your blue gaze turns toward the other side of the clearing, where Eledwen is sitting with Straasa, the two of them watching Morkai spar with your eldest son. Your heart swells with happiness as you take in the scene, the same happiness that fills it when you look at your elf and daughters.

Your very own family. The family you never thought you’d have— not after what happened to your mom, to Tristen. Not after everything that came after. And yet, here you are all, all the members of your little clan alive and well. Your noble steed, your women, your children. Your brothers.

When you met each and every single one of them, you felt a pull— like these people will be important to you, will become a part of you for the rest of your life. And you were right. Your intuition has never led you astray, always landing right on the mark. When you met the two women that would become your life, you thought life couldn’t get any happier.

You were wrong— because not long after you finally put the broken pieces of the world back together, you found him. Your son— a small child, alone and crying in an abandoned village, clinging to his stuffed toy. Eledwen took one look at the child and immediately knelt down to gather him into her arms.

To say that you were surprised would be an understatement— your draconic love was still somewhat uncomfortable with sudden physical touch back then, even when it came from Daelynn or you.  To see her so readily hug the child, and start stroking his fine hair while her deep voice cooed at him… well. It changed something in you.

Then DaeDae got pregnant, and the twins came. Mischievous little agents of chaos, just like their mother. And so your life was complete. Between you and your beautiful, strong women, you managed to wrangle one toddler and two infants— quite well, if you may say so yourself.

Morkai and Straasa helped too—well, Straasa helped. Morkai was just standing on the outskirts, as far away from the soiled clothing of the babies as he could possibly get and still be considered to be inside the room.

He helped in other ways, though. His steady presence and sometimes insistent prodding always helped you get out of the somber moods that sometimes assailed you. He and Daelynn were always the best at helping you get out of your own head. And now the once grumpy man was teaching your son ways to beat you in sparring.

And Eledwen was actually assisting him, giving the kid pointers and little tips on how to go about bringing his father to the ground. The traitor! You’d expect this sort of behavior from DaeDae, but Elly! The scandal! Straasa was the only one trying to remind everyone that sparring was meant to be fun, and not about giving one’s father bruises, but no one was paying attention to him.

Well. You’d just have to be extra careful from now on. And speaking of being careful, you suddenly notice a suspicious absence of giggling coming from your left. Daelynn and the twins are quiet. Uh oh. You immediately snap your head around to look for them but find only Dana, her mane thoroughly braided and your blond minxes nowhere to be found. Gods, you were a fool to take your eyes off of them!

Right as you think this, your worst fears come to life— you are assaulted by two little flying half-elves, their blue eyes twinkling as they float on top of you out of nowhere, their mother’s invisibility spell finally wearing off.

You immediately reach up to grab them, but that’s a mistake too. As soon as the tiny princesses are in your arms, they attack all your weak spots— they start tickling you to the sound of their mother’s cackling, a pair of strong hands taking hold of your legs to make sure you can’t escape.

You yelp and try to protect your tender sides from the minuscule but evil fingers, but it’s no use. Your women are relentless as they go about reducing you to a broken, giggling mess. You! Giggling! The ignominy! You can even hear Dana snort at you, probably enjoying her revenge— you didn’t help save her when she was the one under attack, after all. As far as she’s concerned, you fully deserve what you’re getting.

“Daelynn! Girls! Please! I give up, have mercy!” you cry out desperately, red in the face from the laughing fir that has been all but forced upon you. Your pleas go unheeded by the treacherous women holding you down. Daelynn even snickers wickedly at you, goading her daughters on.

“Get him, girls! That’ll teach him not to pay attention to us!” the blond devil instructs her minions, and said minions redouble their efforts in tormenting you. You are laughing so hard it hurts, and it’s starting to get difficult to breathe.

Then stong, scaled arms reach down to save you, descending on the squirming elflings as if from the heavens themselves. Eledwen grabs the two protesting girls with ease, pulling one under each arm and holding them like piglets. Which is apparently highly amusing, if the burst of giggling coming from the wicked angels is to be believed.

“It’s not our fault, mama! Didi told us to do it!” they cry out in unison, their cry of innocence obviously rehearsed. Eledwen promptly hands both girls to Straasa, who is standing right next to her and smiling at your trickster daughters as if they’re the cutest creatures on earth.

He takes them in his arms and then walks away while the elflings snuggle contentedly against him, more than happy to be held by their beloved uncle Straasa. Both have declared that they’re going to marry him when they grow up, after all.

Which leaves you and your women by yourselves for a moment. Both you and Eledwen turn sharply to stare at Daelynn, who is now sitting at your feet calmly, almost imperially. Like everything is as it’s supposed to be, and she has done no wrong whatsoever.

“Finally, now you’re paying attention to me,” she smirks at you both, batting her eyelashes cutely when Eledwen raises an unimpressed eyebrow at her. Her fingers are now at your ankles, massaging them tenderly— probably to soothe them from the death grip she had on them just moments before!

“DaeDae, we’ve talked about this. Using the girls as a weapon whenever you want attention is not an acceptable use of our children,” your brown-haired lover scolds lightly, but the sadistic elf you’re in love with shows no remorse.

The blond woman shrugs her shoulders carelessly and flicks her golden hair over her shoulder with flair. She also pushes out her breasts, putting her arms under them and perking them up, looking to draw your and Elly’s attention to them. You’re sad to say that it works.

“Why not? It works, doesn’t it?” the temptress echoes your thoughts, and Eledwen sighs, momentarily closing her eyes. She can’t fool you though— you saw the way her fingers twitched as soon as Daelynn put her little show on. Her fingers twitch like that only when she wants to touch.  You can understand the compulsion.

“Still trying to talk sense to the elf, Eledwen? Shouldn’t you have given up on the futile endeavor by now?” Morkai pipes up from across the clearing, and you glance over to see him putting his shirt back on. His training session with your son is over, and they are both looking sweaty and out of breath but very happy with themselves.

“You know you love me, sourpuss!” Daelynn shoots back at him cheekily, and the redhead chuckles in reply. Your son walks up to you, smiling brightly and all but headbutts Eledwen’s arm with affection as he moves to stand next to her, his mannerisms distinctly feline in nature.

The smile he gives you makes your heart go light and positively sing inside your chest. Then he notices his elven mother’s pose and immediately proceeds to groan in dismay. He glares at her, though it’s half-hearted at best, and vaguely points at the direction of her pushed-up bust.

“Mom, again?! Can’t we have one day without you flinging yourself at Dad and Mama the moment our backs are turned?!” he all but whines, putting his hand over his eyes to save himself from the cursed image of his mother making moves on the rest of his parents.

“Be a good darling and take your sisters and your uncles and head home, hmm? Your parents need some alone time, and you need to go wash off,” Daelynn instructs him with an unrepentant grin, and the boy glares at her in response.

“We really should get going. These beauties are ready for their afternoon nap, actually,” Straasa cuts in before things can escalate any further. And you have to admit— as much fun as you’re having right now, your elven woman’s display hasn’t left you cold and unbothered. Some alone time would be appreciated. And judging from Eledwen’s quiet intensity, she’s in the same predicament as well.

The golden-eyed woman runs a soft hand through your son’s hair, gentling him, and the boy immediately sucks up the attention, turning his face up to look at her. He always had a soft spot for her.

“Take your sisters home and wait for us. We won’t be long,” she quietly instructs him, and although he scrunches up his nose at that last part, he doesn’t talk back to her like he did with Daelynn. With a heavy sigh, he disengages himself from his mother’s side and moves to stand with Straasa.

Morkai is standing next to Dana, scratching between her ears and giving her what appears to be dried sweet beet paste. You can never figure out where he’s stashing the candy, but he always has some of it on him. Dana has gotten twice in size because of him!

With one final wave from Straasa and your son, the party heads back for home, your pretty mule in tow. The look she gives you as she walks away is knowing. Damn, even the donkey has your number now!

Once your friends and children are so far away that you can’t hear their voices, you brace yourself for impact— and sure enough, Daelynn flings herself at you, apparently having waited enough. You are grateful she waited this long, to be honest.

~*~

Okay, that was the first part of the story! Now comes the STEAMY PART! In case I wasn’t clear up till now:

This is NSFW! WARNING, WARNING, PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

The elf wraps her legs around your waist in a heartbeat, pushing her voluptuous body against you, and making you stay still.  Her soft hand grabs your hair tightly, and she all but thrusts your face toward her breasts.

Your face gets smooshed in softness as your hands mold themselves to the full bust, kneading and pinching her nipples over the thin fabric of her shirt. The moan she lets out in response sounds smothered, so you look up to see her kissing with Eledwen, the elf’s free hand holding Eledwen by the neck as she all but devours her lips.

The sight spurs you on, and you roughly lower Daelynn’s shirt to get her peaked nippled out in the open. You don’t need more than that— you don’t have the time for it. This coupling will be quick and passionate, getting just naked enough to get what you want.

As soon as the pretty breasts are out in the open, your mouth waters for a moment before you ravenously descend on them, sucking the nipples into your mouth and teasing them with your tongue, lips, and teeth.

You are so focused on your task and lost in your elven lover’s sinful moans that you don’t notice your other woman kneel next to you. Not until her strong hand goes straight for you clothed length, gripping tightly and massaging it over the fabric of your breeches.

You moan helplessly against the nipple you were suckling, your hips instinctually pushing forward to get more of the maddening sensation. Your lips unlatch as you blindly offer up your mouth for Eledwen to claim.

The moment your lips connect, you start licking them voraciously, demanding entrance. Gods, you’ve barely begun, and you’re already going mad with desire, your shaft dripping inside your breeches and creating a mess.

She lets you in, and you go about tasting every single last nook and crevice, saturating your mouth with her intoxicating flavor. You reach out with your hand and bury it in her short locks at the same time Daelynn starts sucking bruises on the tender flesh of your neck.

Then you are unceremoniously pushed on your back, Daelynn’s strong hands pushing at your shoulders until you are flat on the ground and looking up at her wantonly. She smirks at your dazed expression and gets up, ignoring your little moan of complain.

Her hands head for her skirts, and she reaches under them— in one fluid movement, she has grabbed her underwear and is pulling it on the string that is keeping it in place. Within moments, the soft fabric flutters down her legs and pools at her feet. You can see that it is already wet with her desire.

Then your member is abruptly taken out of your breeches and exposed to the cool afternoon air, twitching and drooling pearly liquid from the tip. Eledwen’s warm hand closes over it without hesitation, playing with the glans and gripping it exactly as you like it.

Daelynn quickly stops her, however. She grabs your draconian lover by the throat and lifts her up so she can get the other woman’s breeches off. Soon enough, Eledwen’s lower half is bare— she’s the one wearing the least clothing than all three of you. She doesn’t seem to mind, though, if her flushed cheeks and foggy gaze are anything to go by.

Daelynn is on her knees in front of the half-dragon, having just taken her underwear off, and she deposits a sweet kiss to the brunette’s mount before she moves away. Then both women look over at you greedily, and you know— your time has come.

Daelynn loses no time climbing over you until her thighs are bracketing your face— she holds up her skirts to give you access, and you swallow thickly as she begins to lower herself on your face.

Before your lips can make contact with her core, however, the fingers of your right hand are firmly gripped— then enveloped by the tightest, silkiest heat. Eledwen moans lowly as your digits enter her, and you lose no time setting up the rhythm you know she likes best, stretching your fingers inside her and going as deep as you can get. You tease the entrance to her womb with the tips, and she shudders almost violently in response.

Then your mouth is put to work as well. You are lost to Daelynn’s heat, her scent, her taste— your very soul sings as you push your tongue inside her, making her moan and tremble for you as her slickness dribbles down your chin.

You’re so lost in the feeling of your women, that you barely notice that your own swollen member is left unattended and forlorn— but it doesn’t stay like that for long. Eledwen, the doll that she is, has apparently enough coherency left to grab it, and start pleasuring it in proficiently.

Which probably means you’re not doing a good enough job of driving her out of her mind. With new resolve, you push your fingers in and out of her expertly, picking up the pace and stretching your digits on the pull-out, making sure to widen her reddened opening every time.

After so many years with your amazing women, you have become quite proficient at multi-tasking. You go about pleasuring them with gusto, your mouth sucking relentlessly at Daelynn’s core, flicking and rubbing her nub with the fingers of one hand, while the other is busy burying its fingers inside Elly knuckle-deep.

And still Eledwen keeps on massaging you, her thumb swiping over the swollen, wet head of your erection, dipping her fingertips into the slit and twisting her wrist on the up-stroke. But then she decides to use her other hand as well— her strong fingers grip your scrotum firmly, and roll around your orbs until your eyes all but roll back into their sockets.

It’s too much to handle— Eledwen’s walls are gripping your fingers so tightly it’s become a struggle to move them, and Daelynn’s wild riding is stealing your breath away as she tries to get your tongue inside her as far as it can go.

The ecstasy building in your core can no longer be ignored. Saturated in the smell and taste of your women, your mind long gone and your body functioning on nothing but instinct, your muscles begin to clench and lock as magma erupts from your throbbing shaft, bolts of lightning-intense sensation shooting down your raw nerves and scorching everything in their path. You spill thickly over Elly’s fingers, painting them white with the evidence of your desire for her and Daelynn, a desire that only grows stronger with each passing year.

Your moan of ecstasy is lost between Daelynn’s fold, and you fight not to thrash as the rapture all but incapacitates you— you need to keep going, you need to please them!  You need it as much as you needed your own orgasm, more than that even!

Then your wish is granted to you— Daelynn’s thighs become a vice around your face as she wildly thrashes on top of you, crying out and pushing her opening against you almost suffocatingly the moment her walls begin to clamp down on your tongue. A little explosion of slickness fills your mouth as she moans and trembles on top of you, feeding you all she has to give.

She slumps on top of you like a puppet with its strings cut, heaving and panting as she rides the aftershocks. Then it’s Eledwen’s time. Her own passage is clenching so tightly it almost threatens to break off your fingers, but she needs that one last push.

So you give it to her— you crook your fingers up,  and relentlessly hammer into the spot that drives her wild. Her body freezes the moment you begin the fierce assault, and a moment passes, two— then she is locking against you as a burst of liquid bursts from inside her, bathing your fingers and palm in her essence.

She is quiet in her pleasure, unlike Daelynn— she rides your digits with gusto, panting, her red tongue peeking between her half-open lips. You can feel her pulsing, the spasms so strong that you’re amazed she’s still conscious. Then it’s done, and she too falls on top of you bonelessly.

You grunt a bit— the woman is compact, but don’t try to move her. Daelynn finally decides that the time to get off from your face has come, so she gets up on shaky legs, but doesn’t move far. She kneels next to you, and gently reaches out to remove your fingers from inside Eledwen. The half-dragon moan faintly as your hand leaves her sensitive walls, but doesn’t complain.

Your blond seductress is looking at your hand with hunger— like the white covered fingers are a treat to be savored. And sure enough, she immediately leans forward and takes them in her mouth, cleaning away all evidence of Elly’s orgasm with her voracious tongue.

You chuckle darkly as you watch her, but the sight is quickly blocked by Eledwen’s face, the golden-eyed woman crowding you and pressing her mouth against you demandingly. You open up for her, and she goes about stealing your breath as well as sharing the flavor of Daelynn’s climax.

Then you’re all done. You slump against each other, taking a moment to just cuddle with each other. A moment where you are laid flat on your back, cradling both women against your chest as your breathing finally slows and you all start to nuzzle and softly kiss each other.

You need to get going— everyone is waiting for you back home. But you can’t help but cherish this blissful sensation, where the only thing that exists is just you, your amazing lovers and the sky above you.

It has all been worth it.