#I WISH ID GONE WITH YOU. YOU MADE AN EXCEPTION FOR ME. YOURE DIFFERENT. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS DEAN.

[cawcawbeech]

SIX OF CROWS AND KISSING !!

(Welcome to this silly but intricate guide nobody asked for)

Just so everybody knows and is fully aware, I literally never kissed anybody in my whole damn life. I dont much care to try (for now) unless your name is Amita fucking Suman (jkjk, or not), but that doesnt mean I didnt do some very extensive research on the topic just so I can write what are hopefully non-generic scenes where all of my favorite characters make out till the following sunrise without a single other thought plaguing their empty little minds (exception being if the said thought is used to deepen 'the plot').

Before I say much else, I would like to note that THIS is just a very detailed bullet point list on kissing for all of my boys and girls separate of their partners assigned to them in canon or by the fandom. We will get to how it would actually go in different scenarios with different ships a bit later on if I decide it wont be a waste of my time. PS: No, not every kiss / kisser has to be extraordinary or unique or have whatever traits I ended up slapping on these characters here, Im just extra like that. And its not like anybody can stop me. Deal with it and simply enjoy (whatever this may be)!

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JESPER LLEWELLYN FAHEY

Jesper has had his fair share of practice in this particular field, we all know it. That is no reason to say that he is a perfect kisser, there are many who have done way more, constantly brag about it, and yet still leave you disappointed. But, this is Jesper we are talking about. Kuwei has said that he is a great kisser too, I choose to trust him on that. That joke he made to cheer up Wylan at Olendaal, the one about kissing Nina / Matthias 'with tongue', it doesnt have to mean anything, but I like to think he is a tongue kind of guy. I also like to think that he is adaptable to any type of person though, he aims to please through-and-through. It saddens me to look deeper, to think about how that may be a result of his low self-esteem, but in moments like these, it makes him happy most of the time, and it is all I could hope for when it comes to my boy.

The first relationship he had been a witness to, the one his mother and father shared before her death, had been a very healthy one. I wouldnt call Colm the perfect father, certainly not after his wife was gone, albeit he is significantly better compared to the hands the rest of our favourite characters have been dealth with, but he was good to Aditi. Most kids, including myself, were the type to be grossed out by PDA, especially when its between their parents, and while thats not in any way a bad thing, we can clearly see that Jesper was not of that type.

Despite his many faults, he was raised fairly well. He knows how to make a comfortable environment, to recognize a clear invitation, what to ask and what not to ask, what is acceptable and what he shouldnt do without a more in-depth discussion. He knows how to create and opportunity where one could deny him if they so wished. I wouldnt say its some overly high bar to jump over, if anything it is the most basic standard any and all should hold themselves to, but I call Jesper 'the consent king' for a reason.

Its said in the book that his mind empties when he kisses the right person, that thinking of methaphors clearly means something is wrong, but hes still pretty descriptive in his POVs if you ask me. Its also very clear that he likes to kiss deep, slow, and involve other sensations throughout which is the part where Id like to include some of my very own hcs (slight temperature / texture play where he drags his rings over skin, hair pulling is a given but I can see him also liking to touch peoples ears a lot, talking in between and whispering during the few subtly initiated pauses, etc). Jespers favourite type of kiss would probably be those he iniciates as soon as he wakes up in the morning. It rains often in Ketterdam, its normal, so he would also probably be one of the rare creatures among the regular Kerch citizens who finds kissing in the rain romantic.

KAZ BREKKER (RIETVELD)

Kaz will have to go through some major healing first, no doubts about that, but Id say he would probably be one of the elite members of the 'Im keeping my eyes open for this' club (until he isnt). I doubt he does much analyzing during, mentally he is on another planet thats probably many lightyears away as he tends to do with a lot of other even remotely intimate things, but theres lots of squinting, eyelid fluttering... Kaz is basically a personafication of that cliche 'when did I close them' quote. In my own experience, I can barely hold eye contact when talking, but I dont really see this as a bad trait. I also dont see it as a trauma response either like some would assume it would be for Kaz, I think its just a him thing. If this man didnt want to kiss somebody, you would not be kissing him, end of.

He likes to focus on teeth, whether by unconsciously (or consciously) biting his partner, having your teeth bump into each other, or licking his own after youre done. Theres lots of shuddering, youll feel him there more than youll hear him, but he is not completely silent either. I dont think he would like beeing cornered, picked up or lifted in any way except on very rare occasions. Just like the pulse thing where he feels for it on the wrist (or neck once he is more comfortable), feeling his weight including the pain of his leg serves to ground him. Perhaps he might also like feeling of you breathing through your nose on his face for the same reasons? He doesnt like leaving things unfinished, even if its just a peck, he will make sure it feels 'complete', I dont know how else to put it. If anybody could overuse the words "Again?", it would be Kaz motherfucking Brekker.

Im in no way saying he will be good, in fact, theres lots of traits here that many wouldnt like, but he tries when he wants to (and again, you would not be kissing this man if he didnt want it), he will learn and he will remember the smallest of details (so that he can ponder over them later). The only thing we hear about Kazs appearance related to his mouth is that there is a scar running through his upper lip. I never got it when people talked about kisses having a taste, but Kaz seems to often call people light-weight, so clearly, he handles his alcohol well, perhaps having developed such a habit to settle down his own supposedly non-existent nerves. It might not be the main reason, we heard about him being on the receiving end of many fights that in certain circumstances and with the ways they are handled lead to similar results, but liquor does leave one dehydrated and with chapped lips.

WYLAN VAN ECK (HENDRIKS)

Unless he is particulary fired up, Wylan likes to start slow and chaste no matter if you are the first, the thousanth person he has kissed or just a person he has kissed a thousand times. Unlike Kaz, he has some experience, sheltered kids know how to have fun in secret (and Im the last person who would ignore that 'lie' about him being kicked out for bedding the tutor, theres some truth to everything), but he is also nowhere near the level of Jesper or Nina or Matthias. We know he likes when his partner feels calm and like they are actually in their body before he goes in for the kill, we saw it with Jesper, but we also see that he isnt the type who needs to ask every time and will just do it when 'the time feels right'. Look out, he just might squeeze into your shirt while youre wearing it and do a makeshift 'surprise attack' from there if he is determined enough for it.

From that, we could say he might have some other habits, including but not limited to the familiar one of guiding his partner through breathing patterns. Maybe sometimes he likes to hold onto your forearms more tightly than necessary (not forcefully though), have your knees touch and bump into one another, straighten his own / your items of clothing, compare hand sizes while making weirdly-intense eye contact, use his thumb to subtly rub at a random tensed muscle, touch foreheads if he is tall enough or rub his face along the side of your neck, anything that would focus your attention to him and the moment... Ironically, as a follow up to the last point and as the kiss drags on, he forgets that he is an actual person who has a weight to them and has to lean back against something with the help of his partner before he falls down and cracks his goddamn skull open.

He likes to leave an effect on whoever he is kissing, but he also likes to 'clean up after himself' as much as possible after its done, which once again serves to bring both of you back down. So yeah, he would probably do something like twirling a stay peace of hair around his finger before neatly tucking it back in place, running that same finger across a brow, down the nose or along the jawline, nudging you playfully with his shoulder, hips or elbows, swaying a bit to slowly return the atmosphere back to relaxed as he secretely links your pinky fingers together. Lips would be his main focus, and he especially likes the soothing effect it has when he is sleepy, but he could also grow to like eyelid, nose, tummy or thigh kisses when it comes to placement.

INEJ GHAFA

Inej has had many men kiss her throughout her life, and unfortunately, theres no need to debate whether she truly enjoyed any of them. Oh how I would love to say that every shitty person is also shit at every other skill they try to master, however, that doesnt have to be the case. The fact that she was a brothel girl doesnt have to mean all of her kisses were bad (to specify, that refers to the technique). That being said, I think she would appreciate the message more than the way its done. It also might result in her not exactly caring about the placement of a kiss, palm, knuckles, hair, cheek, neck, lips, any of them would be equally as intimate to her, platonic or otherwise. Its somewhat similar to what Wylan also likes, but very different too once you look further.

As is with Kaz, you would not be kissing the Inej we know now unless she didnt want you to. I probably should have said this earlier, no, I dont mean that any of the other Crows would enjoy a kiss that was not what they wanted, they wouldnt ignore the signs and will fight the person off if needed, but I hope you understand why Im emphasizing it for these two in particular. I think her kisses would be short, but sweet, a petite little package that can deliver a punch under a right set of conditions, just like she can, the same going for her ship. Physically, we know her lips have an upturn to their shape. As is true with alcohol, salt water has the same drying effect that is only made worse by licking.

One other feature that might make Inejs kisses unique is a possibility of her aquiring more jewellery during her travels. I always imagined that the Suli find piercings to be very meaningful. Perhaps she had some since a very young age, perhaps they were taken from her too during her time at the Menagerie, maybe the holes closed naturally over the long months, maybe she got more whilst working for Kaz, and although it was not put there for such a reason, a lip ring (just as an example) has quite a pleasing effect for either side.

She holds a special appreciation for people who remember their first kiss, or at least remember their first kiss with her, a courtesy she will offer in return as well. It takes special kind of brave to get close (she knows better than most) and never lets the feat of overcoming fear go unappreciated. For some reason, I can see her counting the seconds, not for any reason at all. I wouldnt say its something particulary good nor bad, but Inej doesnt give me the 'let me kiss your words away' signals no matter the situation. The phrases that would fit more would be "We will get through this", "Stay strong, for you", "Lets face it together" or "We shall see each other once more". She seems like the type to keep her affairs secret, but at the end of the day, I also dont think she would mind PDA all that much.

KUWEI YUL-BO

I know the fandom likes to joke that Kuwei is the bad kisser between the two, seeing as to how Jesper was left 'disappointed' even before knowing the truth behind who he was actually kissing... But I dont think that had to do much with the kiss itself. We were told that Jesper liked Kuweis body plenty enough, but even if it were really Wylan (both in shape and spirit), Jesper wasnt in the right space, and Kuweis silence and mannerisms didnt do much to help.

Now, this is a personal headcanon, but one of the habits I think he might pick up in the Little Palace would be scratching his nose or covering his mouth before he goes in for a kiss. Or well, I like to imagine that being his tell among all the snarky comebacks, vicious flirting and sly glances. And seeing as to how playful he is with his powers and how much he grows to use them for mischief and otherwise in KOS, I like to think that his face is always warm to the touch as Kuwei himself is constantly touching it. Random instert, this man unironically likes lemons and you will without a doubt taste quite an assortment of teas while with him.

Some people care about the emotional setting, some like keeping it casual, and some like having that perfect mix of both. Kuwei might acknowledge that in different ways and act accordingly, but I also think he might care more about the physical setting and connect good actions with places rather than specific people or mutual feelings. This man is a certified tease, unless you pull him towards you which is exactly what he wants, he is 100%, absolutely ready to keep a partner on the edge of their seat, kiss the corner of their mouth, or maybe with the lips barely touching. Instead of licking his own lips out of habit or to seduce, he would lick yours. Kuwei being a tease might also be a way for him to set up walls? In a sense that hes reminding both himself and the person hes kissing that this is just a kiss and it doesnt mean anything. And when hes kissed by someone he loves and trusts, hes downright pathetic, super soft and annoyingly sweet about it.

I dont know where else to put it so it will have to be here, but I like to think he chewed on his lips a lot as a child and whilst in captivity, leaving him with barely visible indents once he reached adulthood. When it comes to the type, Id say he could end up enjoying goodnight kisses next to the fireplace or lit by the flame in his own hand more than he would like doing anything in the early morning. Kuwei tends to get frustrated and bored easily so that might lead to certain effects as well, more specifically the speed, angle and desperation. He has hid for long enough and doesnt much care about who sees what, only whether they got a nice view from wherever they were standing at the time.

NINA ZENIK

Nina has practiced CPR from a very young age (I wouldnt call any of those a true kiss by any means, but it will make slightly more sense in just a moment), we see her perform one on Kaz in the books without hesitation, so I doubt her first 'kiss' was particularly enjoyable or wholly consentual or that she even remembers it. Perhaps from that, her kisses would grow to be particulary breathy in the future, although that doesnt mean its some kind of rule or that its not just a result of her personality being put into how she goes about it. We already know temple kisses are her thing among some other stuff, but she also doesnt seem to have a similar kind of bond with any other type that is not at neck level or above. Shes fine with them, but always seems to go to certain spots herself when she has a choice, singing and laughing through all of it. As Matthias tends to say a lot, the chase is a game to her, whether on top or beneath, she still wins.

Her skin is said to be soft, and supposedly so are her lips, plus the girl is a Heartrender and that surely results in many privileges. Surprisingly enough, I wouldnt say she is particularly experienced in the world of romance, even if her talent at sweet-talking might suggest otherwise. Perhaps shes had flings, one or two, maybe even a relationship at some point, but I dont see much more in my visions of her backstory. "Dont you want to play with me?" and "Cant you handle it?" are some of the repeating phrases in her vocabulary, but oh, it only gets worse once she feels well and truly romanced, swept off her feet as one might say, and that takes lots of effort. Its a good thing we know Nina has some high expectations, that way all of us can be her personal wingmen.

If anybody could obtain the famous movie achievement of leaving a string of saliva to connect her lips with her partners for just a few more moments, it would be Nina. Speaking of such things, she may also be the only one for who the 'let me kiss you against this wall so that they dont spot us' scenario might actually work (in theory), or at least give her enough time to incapacitate them during their confusion since she tends to be quite loud appearance wise. Likes being attended to and coddled, and no kiss has a chance without a firm grab or two. Will die if you do a tango dip with her in your arms. She is one of the biggest fans of mistletoes and finds it extremely romantic. Sometimes, when she is invited to watch a play or show, she will turn around and kiss her partner whenever the actors do. "Consider me madly in love. With the kisses, not you. ... But maybe also you if you did it again."

MATTHIAS BENEDIK HELVAR

And finally, we have our romantic-at-heart of the group, Matthias. Now, his and Ninas romance is the most obvious and out-in-the-open throughout the whole duology, and frankly he is the one I had the most trouble with writing, but the difference between seeing their first kiss from Ninas perspective and the one of Matthias is that theirs was his first kiss ever. All of his actions leading up to it, as well as those after, are a promise in some way or another, and Im not only talking about his vow to her. Nothing could have prepared me for when he lifted Nina straight off her feet and held her there as he kissed her, yet it was also the most in-character thing he ever could have done.

Matthias will absolutely, every time, start an hour long conversation on what led him to this moment, if it is the right time, the right place, the right everything... He will continue up until he himself is basically internally shouting at his own mouth to shut itself (he has very low patience despite everything mentioned above) or his partner takes the initiative themselves. The second option is prefered by both parties and a 5-star whine is the expected plus-one to excellent service. He is the type to gulp when you get too close. Will go mad if you can tell when he is holding on by a thread despite his lack of many facial expressions, especially if told something along the lines of "Just lose control, love".

He is particularly sensitive for textures. All humans are to some extent, the lips have more nerve endings in them than fingertips, but Matthias is the one who is fullfilled by it the most and frequently says stuff related to it like "Are you wearing chapstick?" or "I can feel the dip of your scar". Often acknowledges indirect kisses. Matthias has once said that kissing isnt about romance, that it should be proper and only done as a follow up to a conventional Fjerdan courtship, and while lots about him has changed during his canonical relationship with Nina, I think he might still enjoy going through at least some of these with somebody who might appreciate his efforts. Matthias is still highly religious even if he is now seeing the world from another perspective and there are some cultural things that for him go deeper than just tradition. In a very specific headcanon of mine, he has grown up fantasizing about having to lift up your chin to do it, and so now he does so even with taller partners who can reach his mouth just fine.

He would 100% take the 'Will you love me if I was a worm' jokes way too seriously. "How am I supposed to handle a worm? I could hold a butterfly, maybe kiss you if you were a wolf (but thats after a very extensive inspection of your molars)". Kisses the back of your neck after putting on a necklace. Pretends that lipstick stains dont turn him on to the highest setting.

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[boogiewrites]

a03 tag game

rules: post the first lines of your 10 most recently published AO3 stories. if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics.

I'll tag @chestylarouxx no pressure to actually do this, this took a few minutes to put together and I know you're busy. <3 Thanks @blue-mossbird for tagging me!

Here's mine! I'm all over the place.

Hindsight’s Always 19/84 (single dad eddie munson x reader)

You walked down the stairs from your apartment onto the street. The sunset painted the town in nostalgia. Muted colors like looking back into your memories surrounded you. It all felt different and somehow exactly the same. You’d been back for about a month now. But with the exception of holidays, you haven't spent any time in Hawkins for over a decade. You didn’t even go to your 10-year high school reunion. You’d had no expectations of coming back here. Certainly not without an exit date firmly scheduled prior. But life is funny that way. You never expect to get divorced when you get married. You never expect to quit what once was your dream job. You never expect to move back to your hometown in some potentially pathetic, you hadn't decided yet, attempt to find yourself. Along with a lot of other lessons you were finally learning, expecting the unexpected was one being driven into your life hard.

Repentance (eddie munson x reader best friends to enemies to lovers)

“One day I’m gonna be the prettiest, most popular girl in school, you’ll see!” you shouted proudly, full of optimism at the age of 12 to your best friend.

“Uh-huh, sure.” he nodded, rolling his eyes with a crooked smile.

“I am!”

“People like us don’t get popular.” he sighed, the defeat of 2 more years of life experience, a teenager in middle school who was getting even more life lessons than those he’d already learned the hard way at a young age.

“Well…” you pouted your lips and sunk back in thought. “Can I still be the prettiest?” you perked up with newfound hope.

“Sure.” he chuckled to himself. “You can be the prettiest.”

Now, 6 years later you’d achieved that bold goal. But you hadn’t… couldn’t have known what it was going to cost you. The biggest hurt and the first was losing your best friend. The very same boy that had told you you could do it (at least half of it anyway) In hindsight, you wish you’d listened.

Seeing Stars( eddie munson x f!oc witch)

It was a hot summer night, the heat coming off the asphalt as he made his way up the driveway to the front door. This would probably be the last party of the summer before school started back. Since it wasn’t being thrown by a high schooler, Eddie was inclined to go. He hoped there’d be good drinks and weed since things had been slim since Rick had gone to jail. He wasn’t excited for school to start back, only eager to get it the fuck over with this time. The third time’s a charm after all.

Cherry Bomb (eddie munson x f!oc cherry shy/virgin)

As of late, she’d been regretting her track record of chronic GOOD decision making in her life. However, the trust earned from being a good girl for 18 years was paying off and allowing her to savor tiny tastes of rebellion for the first time.

She couldn’t have stood out more from the other patrons of the bar on the outskirts of town. The doorman had put a big X on the back of her hand when she’d shown him her ID. He was half surprised she wasn’t trying to pretend to be older, if she hadn’t been in the Hawkins High shirt, she might’ve been able to pull it off.

Another Man (Frankie “Catfish” Morales x reader)

It wasn’t like you to stand and gawk. Let alone at a man, but before you was the man you’d known for months and grown quite fond of. His shy and wounded exterior was now gone and showing a certain and practiced fighter with nearly black eyes and no inkling of hesitation in his body. Your lamp sparked on the ground at his feet, the room had gone dark. The only light to illuminate the interior of your home was the light from lamp posts outside and a faint glow from a kitchen fixture above the stove.

You watched, breathing heavily from exertion and now rising arousal. His forearms flexed, just visible outside of a loved and well-worn utility shirt, cuffs rolled up tightly just below a now strained upper sleeve where another man’s throat was being choked. Warm chocolate eyes were black under a heavy brow, no longer puppy eyes that you’d teased him for. His trusty hat still stayed on a head of messy waves that was always just too long of looking groomed. The unconscious body hits the floor and you’re left gazing at a different man than you’d known just a few minutes prior.

Choking on Sapphires (Alfie solomons x f!oc Genevieve crime/romance)

You find yourself making a handful of trips back from your home near Paris as uses for your particular sets of skills are to be had with the Peaky Blinders. You’d spoken on all holidays over the telephone and visited on a few. You speak to Polly most frequently, mostly of Charlie as you sent all the children gifts often when you traveled. 

For the first time, you initiate the call to Tommy in the wake of your fast decision to move to London. You make your way out to his country home. You explain to Tommy of your intentions of starting new for yourself. You have a different last name to hide your nobility connections and forged paperwork and records to weave together a fake past. You tell him about your legal business plans, your honey, and your berries. You whisper to him about your illegal business, mostly art theft, some jewels and a touch of persuading others to do your bidding because of your connections and violence. The latter he was a skill he was well acquainted with. He welcomes you with a closed mouth smile.

Never Break the Chain (javier pena x f!oc thief/enemies to lovers)

The air was as still and silent as a hot Texas summer night could be. The buzz of the insects and the rustle and call of the nocturnal animals felt familiar to Esme and were a white noise that made her feel she was home. The moon was high and bright, illuminating the rushing and recently risen river below her. Summer storms had made their way through, a brief break to the smothering heat and filling the formerly waning river bed. It made for a great day on these rare summer occurrences, floating about lazily and working on her tan, drinks were plentiful between friends and you could let any stress you had floated down the river after you left. As she gripped the old iron railing of the backroad bridge, feeling the failing paint flaking under her anxious hands, she knew those golden days of youth and summer were falling behind her now. The river would take her trouble away tonight, but in the morning a whole new set would emerge in their place. Even so, this is what she wanted, deep down she knew the conversation she was about to have wasn’t going to be one with a happy ending, and she’d prepared for that. Still, until she heard the words from his lips herself, that last bit of naivete she had left would hope against hope that this night wouldn’t end in tears.

Burning Star ( din djarin x reader )

You couldn’t recall the exact BBY you’d met The Mandalorian. But then again, you weren’t even sure of your birth year, so dates tended to blend into one another in your memory. You recalled every encounter though, every mission he’d asked you to assist him on, the times you’d healed him and his ship, and especially the time he’d come to your planet for refuge with a strange but endearing little green creature. Your small, backwater planet didn’t have much. But that was one of the main things that had drawn you to it. Your parents were nomads, and you’d adopted the same after their death. So you made yourself a home on a green little planet after years of travel. It homed tiny hubs for weary travelers dotted along with the mountainous surface. But the one they called Mando always came to yours.

NO. 9: The Body (diego hargreeves x f!oc discovery of superpowers)

From the view from her apartment window, only slightly obscured by the fire escape, Eve looked out on the gloomy sunrise falling over the New York City street below. The fog and steam from the light drizzle on the street grates blended with the haze of her coffee cup as she took a moment to gather herself, feel the calm at the moment before the chaos of her job began.

Eve was all about function over fashion these days. Her childhood had held many questionable punk ensembles and thrifted, or even stolen pieces that were worn down to bare threads. But now her clothes usually consisted of scrubs, so she opted for comfort usually. She savors the last of her coffee and the peace of her small home and makes her way out into the world to begin another long, chaotic 12-hour shift.

Mae Flowers (alfie solomons x f!oc Mae white witch/immortal soulmate au)

The year is 2018, a long, long way away from his birth year of 1893. He stands in front of the Miss Robichaux's Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies in New Orleans, Louisiana. A place that had been around longer than he had. This place and the supreme, Fiona Goode had served as a haven and an ally for him for many years. It seemed no matter the type of witchcraft, save for the spat between the witches and the voodoo practitioners, this place could serve as a resting place, a pause in whatever journey anyone with powers might find themselves on.

He'd been drawn to New Orleans, his inner voice, his darkness kept pointing it out to him, whispering it to him. It'd all started about a year ago, only growing in intensity since. Once the odd dreams had started, and for the life he had lived, odd was saying something. Once they had started, his usual blackness, an endless, timeless void that lay before him in his unconsciousness, there started to appear small specks of light.

Nightmares were eased with more pleasant thoughts and memories that were not his own. Once he felt his darkness recoil from the light in his dreams he knew something had changed, something was different. He'd heard of awakenings like these from others of his kind but it'd been so long that he'd been alone in his own dark soul that he had thought that he would be alone there forever.

[undeanlich]

4.15 truly is one bitch of an episode followed by 4.16, another bitch of an episode

[iceeckos12]

tma fic recs

I’ve seen a couple of fic rec posts floating around. since ive been reading so many excellent fic recently, i thought that id make one as well! please note this list is going to be 99% jonmartin. also buckle up, because this is going to get long.

Completed

the umbrella by Wildehack (tyleet)

"And to think—all of Jonah Magnus’ carefully laid plans, the centuries of scheming, the murders, the sacrifices, all of that work could have been completely undone if Martin Blackwood had gone back for an umbrella" - holdthosebees

Notes: This is probably my go-to fic if i want an apocalypse never happened scenario. The jonmartin is wonderful, as is the h/c.

Diary and Prenon-nous la main by luftballoons99

Diary summary:

Not for the first time since they ran away together, a camera reel of all the things they don't know about one another whirs behind Martin's eyes, and he can't help but look at all the sprawling magnetic tape and wonder if they’re going to wind up a romance or a tragedy.

or: Office parties, garage bands, and the joy of being known.

Prenon-nous la main summary:

They still haven't talked about it, any of it, not even to pass the time on the long train ride to Scotland. Instead, Martin fell asleep in the seat next to him, pressed into his side from shoulder to knee, and Jon thought about love confessions and verb tense and how the two fit together when you think you're dying.

or: Good cows, mediocre poetry, and other crucial topics of discussion.

Notes: Do you love impeccable safehouse jonmartin characterization? do you love characters grappling with the mortifying ordeal of being known? do you love softness so tender that it makes you want to weep? please read these fic. im begging you.

i’ll tell you about all the times i’ve smiled because of you by cryptidkidprem

Summary:

Martin thinks about their shoes, sitting beside each other on the floor by the bed. Thinks of the way Jon wears Martin’s cardigans more often than he wears his own, the way Martin’s started keeping elastics around his wrist because Jon always forgets his own when they go out.

He thinks about all the gentle touches and fussing over each other they’ve done, and how much is still to come over the next… however long Jon will have him.

They have a long way to go, an entire life to build out of the wreckage Jonah Magnus and Peter Lukas left them, but laying together in a comfortable, sleepy quiet, Martin thinks they’ve got a good start going.

Or, Jon quits the Institute, saves the world, and it turns out to be exactly what he needs in order to heal and start moving forward towards building a life with Martin.

Notes: how many times have i reread this fic? more than i can count. jon quits the institute and it’s just full of soft jonmartins. they get married! god i love them.

go softly by doomcountry

Summary:

And there is nothing else besides this.

Notes: every time i remember this fic i reread it. please heed the tags because martin is blinding jon, but he’s like. blinding jon in the most heartbreaking way possible. idk how the author made this so tender but i know i was certainly crying so!

The Reverb in These Holy Halls by  Wolftraps (AlwaysBoth)

Summary:

Undoing the apocalypse would have been enough for Jon, if all his people survived. Without them, Jon's only recourse is making it so it never happened in the first place. He's going to do better this time.

Notes: Do you like time travel fixits? i sure like time travel fixits. reverb is an excellent one. heavy on the h/c, I wanted to hug jon so so badly. 

Yesterday is Here by  CirrusGrey

Summary:

"Who the hell are you?" Jon could feel his hands shaking. The man laughed, taking a step forward and raising a hand to point at him. "I'm you, from the future!" he said, then swayed, eyes going unfocused, and collapsed to the floor in a dead faint. -------- Post-season-four Jon and Martin time travel back to the season one Archives.

Notes: Yet another time travel fixit! also excellent. the teasing was HYSTERICAL. also Im just going to say this now - CirrusGrey in general writes incredible tma fic. You can’t really go wrong.

unassigned supplementals by  bibliocratic 

Notes: I won’t put in a summary just because it’s a long series of oneshots, but bibliocratic’s writing is amazing. Again, you can’t really go wrong with one of their fic!

let the soft animal of your body by autoclaves

Summary:

Standing in the warm kitchen, slats of sepia light filtering through onto the counter in front of him, Martin doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He half expects them to go through the countertop entirely, glossy and solid as it is. He isn’t used to any of it, yet. The safehouse. Jon. Beams of sun pouring into his hands. After being deprived of everything of significance for so long, the longing that crashes over him is almost painful in its tangibility. He wants to laugh, to sob, to scream and hear it echoed back against the neat, square walls of the safehouse.

In the end, he doesn’t do any of these things. He makes eggs instead. He can do that, can’t he? Use his hands for something simple and plain and good.

(Or: In the safehouse after it all, Martin starts cooking.)

Notes: this fic really speaks to me a) because i project on martin like crazy and b) because food is also my love language. this fic is incredibly soft and it’s all about cooking!

“Have you tried turning it on and off again?” by shinyopals

Summary:

I hope you find your new role as Head of the Institute as rewarding as captaining the Tundra, wrote Elias Bouchard, to Peter Lukas. There are so many people working there: all with their own interesting lives, and all desiring your attention and support. I'm sure you will relish the challenge it will bring and enjoy every moment spent with the fine men and women of the Institute. In time I'm confident they'll become like a family to you.

The Magnus Institute has a new boss. The Magnus Institute also has a new tech support technician. These two facts are unrelated, except they both happen at the same time.

Meanwhile Jon's woken up from being dead for six months and for once he's trying his best. He just wishes Martin would stop avoiding him and answer his messages...

Notes: if you’re looking for a good laugh, this fic is SO SO SO FUNNY. i was dying. basically the magnus institute being an absolute bureaucratic nightmare.

hello my old heart  by  firebirdsuite

Summary:

Peter’s wrong, of course. When it’s all over, Martin does still want to tell Jon everything. It’s just—well, there’s a few things they need to work through first before they can get there.

Martin and Jon find each other again in Scotland.

Notes: it’s all about the yearning. and trust me, the yearning in this fic? im just. i sure do love jonmartin, and this is such soft, loving jonmartin it just makes you want to cry

two ships passing by pyrites

Summary:

Gerard Keay is 10 years old the very first time he tries to run away from home, right around the time that Jonathan Sims has just come into possession of his first Leitner.

Or: One dropped stone can change the way the whole ocean moves.

Notes: again, JONGERRY. MY GOODNESS. this fic is beautiful, the writing is absolutely breathtaking and it owns my heart. im so in love with it. the author said you’re going to have emotions about jon and gerry and jongerry and i said OKAY

Terminal Sight by viv_is_spooky

Summary:

Spider silk weaves through the visions of two Seers. Monstrosity is dawning on them both.

Notes: I’d never read a gerryoliver fic before this, but the execution is EXCELLENT and now im sold on the ship forever. This fic has wonderful prose and great characterization and i love it a whole lot.

Incomplete

assistant archivist au by  PitViperOfDoom

Notes: I won’t put a summary since I’m reccing an entire series, but. it is absolutely no secret that i adore jongerry. pit’s assistant archivist au slapped me over the head with some gorgeous jongerry oneshots and then gave me the gift of the main fic (which is still in progress) about head archivist martin. i love this au so so much

dustsceawung by  callmearcturus

Summary:

Martin had always been favored by the summer courts, and moving up north to the little village of Lacuna is a difficult adjustment. It's rainy and lonely and everyone seems to have a strange, distant relationship with the local faerie court.

However: there is a strange man in a cloak who walks past Martin's remote little cottage every few days.

However: there is a moth that keeps getting stuck in Martin's house during the rain.

These events are not as disconnected as they first appear.

Notes: you ever just read a fic that you didn’t know that you needed until after you read it? yeah. featuring the fae and moth jon and excellent characterization.

Illicio by ThatOneGirlBehindYou

As the new Archivist debates between life and death, the Eye ponders on what to offer him in order to avoid an encore of the unfortunate situation with his predecessor.

-----

Gerard Keay opens his eyes at what feels like fuck-ass in the morning, inside a room with far too little space and far too much dust.

Notes: This is also the moment where I reveal that im a sucker for jongerrymartin. please read this fic. gerry is brought back from the dead in s4 and everyone is far better off for it.

where there’s a will, we make a way by bubonickitten

Summary:

"So, what does happen if an Eye learns to See within itself?

What happens is this: the Archive Beholds the Watcher – and the Watcher blinks first."

________________________

Jon goes back to before the world ended and tries to forge a different path.

Notes: this time travel fixit is shaping up to be an absolutely incredible read. i love the way this author writes jon so so much, and the characterization is spot on. this whole fic just satisfies some little part of me. god. also!! bubonickitten’s writing in general? beautiful. please check out their other works.

The Timeline of Theseus by Applea

Jon tries to force the Spiral to send him back, but the Sprial's corridors never twist things quite the way you want them to. Back in 1996, Elias has no idea why or how the Eye made such a powerful Avatar out of an 8 year old, especially when said 8 year old doesn't actually know he has any powers at all. Clearly such a child cannot be left outside the Institute's care. 

Notes: This fic is legitimately brilliant. The author manages to capture the big ADHD mood and the precociousness of baby Jon while managing to write a wonderful storyline. Time travel! Elderly lesbians! A Jonah who is wildly in over his head but was walloped over the head with paternal instinct! Baby Gerry! What more could you possibly ask for?

rooms full of people who do not love each other yet by seaer

Summary:

“Wanted to ask about a book.” The boy has his hand on the counter, and he leans into it, nonchalant. The library is air-conditioned, but by no means frigid, and Jon can’t help but feel sweaty just looking at the layers he’s wearing; what looks like old leather over an olive-green Magnus pullover over his school shirt. “Do you have A Journal of the Plague Year?”

Jon says, tetchily, “We’re about to close.”

“I know. Do you have A Journal of the Plague Year?”

Notes: I am so in love with this author’s writing style and the way they write the characters!! The jon and gerry friendship is PERFECT and the character interactions are all darling.

if you read these fics please send the authors some love, they definitely deserve it!! 

[yeoldontknow]

🖊writerly conversation tag

tagged by @j-pping to do this amazing interview/reflections tag. of course she put together one of the most amazing tags ever because she is brilliant. thank you for tagging me angel! 

questions below the cut!

2020

what was the most challenging part of writing this year?

gosh...i think for me the hardest bit was staying both motivated and inspired. a lot of my inspiration comes from being out in the world. im an introvert but i enjoy being out in the city around the noise and the people and the buildings on my own. the majority of my writing used to be done while riding the subway or on a weekend after id gone out somewhere. a lot of my fics are inspired by locations, and experiences within those locations. being inside for the majority of the year made it hard for me to remember how...people interact with or relate to the spaces around them. so i felt like a lot of the time staying inspired was coming from places within just me that felt inauthentic. i think my writing benefits from my ability to see multiple perspectives, so i felt like a lot of dialogue or writing itself was suffering just coming from me alone. it took a lot of work to ensure that it wasnt like that. 

and then, motivation was also so hard. the internet and the news and everything about america, the planet, the everything was unrelenting and draining. we as people were privy to so much trauma this year, to the collapse and fracture of communities, lives, governments. there were several weeks at the end of may and into june where i just...couldnt. i had no energy for anything. it happened again in november after the election and the windfall of it. energetic tensions were so high it just felt so hard to push out words when things were breaking everywhere. like there were more important things i needed to focus on, and healing was one of them.

what was the most enjoyable/rewarding part of writing this year?

i enjoyed the new community of writers/friends i found by writing for bts again. they challenged me and pushed me to better myself. @jamaisjoons is so inspirational in the way she generates community and encourages relationships between storytellers. doing the summer bucket list pushed me out of my hermit hole for camp nano, and i cranked out molotov cocktail and felt so proud of it. it mattered so much to me because it was the first long thing id written after a period of feeling deceased, and it was so enjoyable because there was a sense of community around it. its easy to forget how essential having a support system in your creative community is.

what piece has left the most impact on you and why?

probably ciperion. words cannot express how proud i am of that story and the direction its going in. i read it back sometimes and i realize that my writing was elevated because of that piece. tbh molotov was responsible for that lift, but ciperion was just a whole other tier. ive also never written anything like that story before and it felt so good exploring the themes of seafaring and pirates. 

what have you learned about yourself through the process of writing in the past year?

that i absolutely am someone who took for granted how inspiring the world is even if i see it as a stressor. but also that writing isnt necessarily about being inspired. its about pushing on when its hard. some of my best pieces came from that kind of push this year. 2020 felt like...a slog through most of it, but i kept pushing myself to write even when i was low and tired. i realized that some of my best writing comes from that push, when its not easy and when its difficult and i have to think harder. thats where i grow. 

how has your writing changed in the past year? how have you grown?

i think im more syntax and detailed focused than i used to be. lately ive been experimenting with making the act of reading feel like pleasure. my favourite books are the ones where i read a sentence, and im moved because it felt nice to read or it felt powerful. the sentence itself had power, not the image it was trying to convey. somehow separate, if that makes sense. theres a lot i need to learn before i could go off comfortably and try to write a book, and this is what ive been trying to master. my attention to detail has grown, and sometimes i think thats a detriment. i think sometimes im too detailed and i dont leave my reader enough power on their own. im still finding that balance, but i think im pleased right now with what im trying to push myself to master.

2021

ignoring your wips for a second, if you had all the time and energy in the world to write your magnum opus piece, what would it be about? why is that the dream story you’d write, all other things controlled for?

ive had two books in my mind forever. one was originally being written as a fanfic in a different fandom before i stopped and realized its too big and so much more important, and is worth being a book id like to write. if i wrote an opus like this it would actually be a book id submit to publishers but ~

- hundreds of years in the future, society has learned how to cure most diseases. for those we cannot, the sick person can be cryogenically frozen for a period of time until a cure is found. there is, however, a limit to the length of time they are frozen. no one has ever been frozen for over 100 years, and the main character is a scientist embarking on the experiment to do just that. it is, effectively, time travel. the main character is rash, selfish, sarcastic - not a very nice person; invested in their work and science and little else. they freeze themselves and wake up in the future. during their time in rehab they have to confront the horror theyve made of themselves, the horror people have made of the future, learn to be vulnerable. they end up falling in love with another scientist etc etc. theres so much more to this story and the world is enormous. one day ill revisit it

- a fictional play on orpheus in the underworld where a female main character’s brother was sold by their mother to the goddess of the underworld (helena instead of hades) for eternal youth. the gods all live in a hotel (the concept of this main thing is being used in elysian fields but its not remotely the same) after they were removed from the heavens. main character (ophelia) must gather several totems from the gods to prove her worth and survive her trip into the underworld to rescue him. id like to not focus on a woman finding romance, and instead a woman finding herself, her strength, her devotion to family, her power, and connecting with her history.

how do you want to grow in your writing this year?

this year id like to find balance, like i mentioned above, with my need for detail and my trust in my readers. the balance between detail and dialogue. i want to try to condense my writing again so not everything is a goddamn series. the ideas i have are huge and thats great but i need to remember how to parse things again, while still maintaining impact.

what’s one thing you’d wish to see in the fan-writing community this year?

i want more community, in general. as a multi fan, i see pockets in the kpop fandom where it exists and im well and truly aware that its recently become incredibly hard to foster on the exo side. ill just say that. maybe i dont witness it or its happening amongst blogs i havent found or have not found me. i want to see less dialogue about ‘popular blogs,’ whatever that means; less focus on notes; less worries about statistics. i want people to remember that fandom is not about numbers, and the moment you make it about that is the moment you stop having fun. i want less fear from writers regarding sharing work they read and liked, less shame around it. i want to see more vocal communication for the things people like and don’t like, more engagement and more interaction. the concept of popular blogs is so ridiculous to me, because no one has any control over the metrics. no one has control over who follows them or reads their work except the person doing the actual reading. i want people to realize they hold so much power - a person with 10k notes has as much power as a person with 2 notes because sharing is what fosters community. i want this fandom to remember to share again.

name one new thing you want to try doing in your writing this year.

gosh i really love postmodernism in writing. think like mark z danielewski, who plays with the shapes of words or the act of holding a book - the physicality of it. id like to maybe write a choose your own adventure, or do something that encompasses multiple platforms. or even, more importantly, finish as still as sound and time runner. those are more reasonable goals. time runner actually is done, i just need to stop pressuring myself about it and edit it to get it up. asas, too, is largely done i just need to get my ass together. i have so many other ideas no one has ever seen i need to finish what ive started. thats a real goal.

tagging: @yehet-me-up @jamaisjoons @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @luffles424 @yoonia @shadowsremedy @chillingkoo @onherwings @inkedtae @ninibears-erigom @imdifferentshadesofpurple @readyplayerhobi @ditzymax @sugaurora @snackhobi @yeojaa @sahmfanficbts @xjoonchildx @johobi and anyone else who wants to do this. as always please only do so if comfortable or you want to!

[nekoannie-chan]

Regrets

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Mutant! Reader.

Word count: 1545 words.

Summary: Steve had made a decision, but another fact will make he realizes it was the wrong one, can he fix it?

Warnings: some smut references, nothing explicit, mention of deaths of characters, angst, sad.

A/N: This is my entry to the @distractedgemini‘s Kay’s Decade of Music Writing Challenge with the song prompt #35:

“Someone like you” by Adele.

And my entry to the @kitkatd7 ‘s Kits’ 250 Writing Challenge with the dialogue prompt #1:

“Don’t you understand? You were her happy ending”.

And my entry to @jtargaryen18 ‘s 30 days of Chris.

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistake please let me know and I will correct it.

I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics be posted in other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don’t steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other’s people. The only exception is the ones I gifted ‘cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and is not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own Marvel’s characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

My other media where I publish: Wattpad, Ao3, ffnet.

If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

  I heard that you're settled down That you found a girl and you're married now I heard that your dreams came true Guess she gave you things, I didn't give to you

 2005

 You came into your house after returning from school, everything was supposed to have changed, the mutants no longer had to hide, and weren't taken to the Garland Detention Center.  

"I'm home," you said after closing the door.  

There was no answer, maybe they didn't hear you.  

"Mom, Dad," you called as you walked down the aisle.

It was strange to you that they didn’t say anything, you returned to the hall, maybe they left you a message there and you hadn't seen it yet, there was no note, probably something had happened, some last-minute mission, although it was rare that you hadn't been warned.  

While they weren't your biological parents; Clarice and John had adopted you after yours were killed by the Purifiers when you were a baby, although the fact that you were adopted didn't care much because you were happy with your family, even your last name was Proudstar and they love you as her daughter.

But when you entered the kitchen, a scream came out of your throat; there were their bodies, you could tell at first glance that they had tried to defend themselves, even though it was not enough.   

"No! Mom! Dad!”

You tried to move them, you were hoping they'd still be alive, even if they were badly hurt, you didn't get the idea that they were dead.   

 I heard that you're settled down That you found a girl and you're married now I heard that your dreams came true Guess she gave you things, I didn't give to you

 "There's someone here," a woman said.  

You didn't even hear when someone came into your house; for a moment you thought they were your parents’ killers who had come back or listened to you.  

“Are you Y/N? Y/N Proudstar, Clarice's, and John's daughter? The woman questioned.  

You nodded, you didn't know if to trust, you didn't even know who that woman was, within seconds a man came into the kitchen.

"When did you arrive? Fury asked you.  

"About 10 minutes ago," you replied scared.   

"You'll come with us, Coulson, accompany her to take her belongings and help her," Nick said.  

 "What? I'm not going anywhere, I don't even know who you are, how can I be sure you're not going to do me the same as my parents?”   

"We are S.H.I.E.L.D. we received your parents' message asking for help and that we take care of you.”   

“How do I know they are S.H.I.E.L.D.?”  

Your parents had told you everything, yet without proof, you couldn't believe them.

Fury and Coulson showed their IDs, they weren't lying, you sighed, you went to your bedroom followed by Coulson and you started storing things in suitcases and backpacks, they hadn't specified any item limits on you, so you'd take as much as you could.

 Old friend, why are you so shy? Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it I had hoped you'd see my face And that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over

 2012

 You walked as fast as you could, that day you were late, you were carrying the report of the last mission you were gone to.   

You didn't pay attention around you, so you crashed into something hard, you thought it had been against a wall, because of the impact, you fell.  

"I'm sorry, miss, okay?” The ‘wall’ said to help you lift.   

"Captain, I'm sorry, I didn't see it," you apologized.   

Steve help you pick up the leaves, within a few seconds Coulson showed up.

"Agent Proudstar, the report," he asked.  

"I was already taking him to his office right now," you replied. 

"I see you've met, your next mission will be together," Coulson said.  

You knew who Steve was, but you remembered he didn't know who you were, you still didn't show up.  

"Agent Y/N Proudstar," you said, smiling.

 Never mind, I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you, too "Don't forget me, " I beg I remember you said "Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead" "Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead"

 2018

 "I know we've lost a lot these days, but you remember I was going to ask you something the day Bruce called us. You know when Thanos...” 

"Yes," you answered while you were accommodating some things 

Steve took your arm to stop and pay attention to him.  

"What's going on?”   

"Marry me," he asked.  

"Just like that? Are you sure? I mean, you always told me you wanted Bucky to be in...” 

"We try to get everything back to normal, Thanos is dead we can't do much, but we can try to be happy and get on with our lives, it seems like that's all we can do.”  

"I think it's going to be enough for Nat to be there," you said. 

He took your answer as if he ‘I do’ and kissed you.

 You know how the time flies Only yesterday was the time of our lives We were born and raised in a summer haze Bound by the surprise of our glory days

 2023

 You looked down, you knew Steve had told you a lie... or worse he had lied to you all that time.   

As soon as he left you started running towards the trees, you didn't want to know anything anymore, if you could... If you could... you probably would have done the same thing and prevent your parents from being killed.  

“Y/N!” Bucky called you.  

You didn't listen to him, you kept running, you wanted to go as far as you could, you'd like to somehow forget everything and Bucky finally caught you, grabbed your arm, and stopped you.

"He's gone, he went with Peggy," you started sobbing.   

Bucky hugged you, he didn't know what to say or do to comfort you, he knew what you were saying was true.   

"He left us... Bucky, he left us...”  

Yes, Steve had left them, but Bucky didn't understand exactly what you meant, you hadn't even had a chance to say anything, you didn't know now what to do, the feeling was a thousand times worse than when you lost your parents.

 I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it I had hoped you'd see my face And that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over

 1947

 Steve peeked into the door of the house where Peggy was living.  

He saw her pass, at least now he was sure he hadn't got the wrong house; he needed a few more minutes before knocking the door and that's when he saw Daniel kissing Peggy and after the couple split up, she took the baby from the crib.

Peggy found her right partner after Steve had ended up on the ice...   

Steve stayed a week in that time, it would probably be a month after the last time he had seen them...  

You didn't expect to be welcomed... but he would do his best to recover what he had ruined.

 Never mind, I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you, too "Don't forget me, " I begged I remember you said "Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead"

 2019

 "Orphanages are full," you said while you're taking the last picture you'd been taken with your parents.  

"Everything is complicated," Steve replied, and he was reading the newspaper.

"We should adopt some or some of those little ones, I was very happy when Clarice and John adopted me," you said looking at the picture.  

"You think they're going to let us? We’re superheroes, I don't think they want to expose children to danger," Steve replied, taking his eyes off the newspaper.   

You kept thinking for a few minutes, Steve was right, you didn't know exactly if another threat would show up, no one knew.  

"You're right.”  

"But we can do some," Steve proposed, approaching you.  

"Captain," you said seductively.

 Nothing compares, no worries or cares Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

 2023

 Steve returned to where he belonged, took everyone by surprise, as soon as they heard the machine activate Bruce and Bucky immediately went to see what was going on, Bruce had installed it at the Compound in case it was necessary, they feared it would be some other enemy, no one expected him to return, as soon as they saw him a sepulchral silence took over the room.   

Bucky decided to take him outside, no one dared say what had happened. 

“And Y/N?” Steve asked

Steve had immediately noticed your absence, Bucky bit his lip, and he didn't know how to explain it.  

"Buck, and Y/N? I know she must be angry...” 

"She didn't make it on the last mission," he finally confessed.   

"What?”   

"Something went wrong and...”  

Steve turned around and started walking inland from the Compound.

“DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND? YOU WERE HER HAPPY ENDING…!”

Steve didn't keep listening to what his friend was saying, he went to the base and went straight into the room that you and he shared, and if he hadn't left... if it hadn't been so hollow head... you'd still be alive.  

He opened the drawer of your nightstand where you kept the photos, he wanted to see you, he saw that something flew out when he took out the album and it was frozen as soon as he saw the object.

She took the positive pregnancy test, the day he left, you seemed so nervous, so you insisted that he wasn't the one to return the Stones.  

There was only one way to get you back, this time I wouldn't ruin it, he took some things from the room and headed to where the time machine was.

 Never mind, I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you "Don't forget me, " I beg I remember you said "Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead"

 2010

 You knocked on Fury's office, you were sent to call, and you thought it was for a new mission.  

"Agent Proudstar, I'm glad you came," Nick said.  

“What do you need a Director?”   

"This is Steve Rogers, Captain America," Fury said, pointing to Steve.

"Captain, I'm Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Y/N Proudstar," you introduced yourself smiling.  

Your smile, Steve had missed her so much.  

He stretched out his hand to greet you and smiled, he was going to fix everything that had happened, he would love you again and no mistakes this time, and he was going to make sure you were happy together.

.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you, too "Don't forget me, " I begged I remember you said "Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead" "Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead"

[new2otomelol]

Maid to the Rescue - A KBTBB Fanfic

I have not posted in a looong time, but miss it! I will be going back, fixing some of my older posts (fix my writing, lol) I’m still not a great writer and being a teacher takes a lot of work, but this is a nice escape from the world every once in a while. This is for one of the awesome people that have read my stuff and liked it (a thousand thank yous!)

This story is developing and this is the first part. I don’t own the rights to Kissed by the Baddest Bidder, Voltage does. This is a fanfic for fun!

It has been a year since that fateful day in the lobby. God, my life was so different back then. I was always at the beck and call of “the boys” as I called them. My saviors as well as my proverbial pains in the rear. There are times I miss them, and others when I wish we could have all met under different circumstances.

You see, more than a year ago I use to be a maid at a famous hotel called the Tres Spades. A hotspot in Tokyo and one of the many business ventures of my former supposed boyfriend, Eisuke Ichinomiya.

My life was put in danger more times than what I would’ve liked during our pretend relationship; a situation that also opened up backlash from some of the employees at the hotel. Eisuke decided he didn’t want to see me suffer and thus ended our affair in grand-fashion in front of the staff and clients. This gesture alone successfully put an end to relentless bullying in less than a few seconds. 

Even though I completely understood the situation and told myself countless of times that I was fine, it still hurt.  Eisuke and I had gotten close during our time together and even felt like barriers he had put up were beginning to cease. But enough was enough, I was tired of being labeled “plain,” “stupid,” and other things by people. I wanted to feel like a person of worth that could stand on her own two feet. I took Eisuke’s breakup announcement as my chance to run and do what I have always neglected to do, self-care and growth.

That day, I stood up my co-worker on a date, packed my bags with only my essential needs, emptied my savings jar and fled. I tried to be smart about it, ditched my identity, left the money Eisuke had deposited in account untouched, destroyed my phone, you name it.  I knew the boys would eventually seek me out, but I needed time.

I had made a friend  through Chisato who helped me create a new identity and assisted me with finding a small place to live in that was well hidden. Eventually, Gage, as he called himself, had me join a few of his friends. Together we formed a small “gang” of sorts. Our activities may have not always been on the legal side of things, but they are just and necessary. 

We have become a family and enjoy working with each other, but I know that eventually I have to go back to my old life and start anew. I’m no longer that shy girl who followed others blindly and gave up so much of herself. I’m strong, in fact, I always was; I just never could find the time to build my confidence. Those days are gone and I’m ready for what I must face.

I wipe the sweat off my brow as I wait on top of this old, dilapidated roof and stare at my computer screen. Enough reminiscing, time for action. “Siren! It’s time!” I hear the command through my earpiece and enter a code in the computer. “Entered, security systems are down, including firewall. Lucy, begin download.” I give the command and hear “roger!” from my friend Lucy. A beeping sound goes off on my computer 2 minutes later and I know our time is up. “Alright everyone, it’s 2:00 a.m. and as planned they have caught on. My location has been made, initiating cleanup sequence, let’s roll!”

I pull a tab on my computer that I had installed to a small little bomb, which I had put together and crafted into my laptop’s hard drive earlier in the day. My 20 second countdown begins as I reconnect my harness to the rope and slide down to another rooftop across the way. I enter the stairs through the roof access and quickly make my way down. Through the windows of the stairwell. I can see dark figures running towards the building I just had been in. Goodbye jerks! I’m gone and out of sight.

I take dark alley ways and finally make it to my scooter and drive away. I’ve gotten so used to the adrenaline rush of it all that I don’t panic anymore. A few minutes later I make it to the warehouse with all the others. 

“Siren! Great job girl! We got the assholes!” Gage comes up to me and high fives me as I dismount my scooter. I take off my helmet and breathe in the air, letting that wonderful feeling of accomplishment settle in.

“I can’t believe that we were able to pull it off this time! Did Lucy download all the files we needed?” I ask and Gage smiles widely, “that and more my friend. We found that the company has a connection to a crazy cult-like organization called AID. We will unleash the company’s doings to the media and let that fire start and take over. We have finally avenged Nyx!” He starts to do his little victory dance around my scooter as the rest of the gang shows up.

Nyx is a fellow member of ours that had been employed by a major corporation. She was great at her job and handled the accounting for her employer. Unfortunately, the corporation went under new leadership and things went awry quickly. Looking for a scapegoat, they shifted the blame on our friend that we refer to as “Nyx” and she was arrested and charged. Tonight, we took the information we needed to clear her name and set her free.

We all move to the day room area and  take a beer in celebration relaxing on our old worn-out couch. “Siren, I think it’s time for you to also clear your name and face your destiny.” Gage whispers to me as he takes a seat next to me. Of course, the others pick up what we are talking about and quickly get excited. “Yes Siren! It’s time for you to conquer your love!” Lucy states happily. I laugh and throw a pillow at her from the couch. “I know, I know and I feel ready to go back and face it all; but remember, I must do it on my own." 

We continue to talk about plans that we’ve all made since we got to the sanctuary.  Gage is  a computer programming specialist and professor in real life. He took us in, taught us everything we know about computers, hacking, etc. Some of us in the group specialize in other things and so we learned from each other how to fight (thanks to "Net”), weaponry (thanks to “Lucy), languages (thanks to "Nikia”) and the hotel industry/customer relations, thanks to yours truly.

We’ve kept our names a secret from each other in order to teach ourselves to protect our identities. Not once have we ever revealed our real names, except to the professor, Gage. 

Each one of us had a rough patch in life and ended up here. Once we solve our past issues and restore our names, we move on with our lives with the promise to help others along the way. A “pay it forward” if you will.

After an hour of celebrating we begin to head out to go home and rest. Gage taps me on the shoulder and asks me to stay behind to talk. “Lisa, listen, it’s been a year for you already and I agree with the rest of the family, it’s time for you to face your past.” I had a feeling he wouldn’t let the topic slide. “I know Gage, and trust me, I’ve been working on it.” Gage smiles and motions for me to follow him to the kitchen area where he makes some coffee for the both of us. “I’m sure you have researched your friends plenty and have prepared." 

"Yes, I sure have. With the information from tonight, not only do we have evidence to free Nyx, but I have evidence to help out one of my friends and expose some of the corruption in his workplace. I also have found some other information about my ‘ex’ that tells me there is danger up ahead.” Gage sits back and sighs. “Oh sweetheart, there’s so much going on with each one of those men. In fact, I just found out something…” he’s cut off by the sound of the ringer coming from my burner phone. I gasp and look at the professor. “Answer it, quickly!”

Chisato’s ID appears on the screen and I immediately pick up. “Siren! Listen to me please. They’re all gone. Eisuke, Mamo, Baba, Soryu and Ota. We all thought they were on a trip, but it’s been two days!” The news hit me like a cold shower. “Chisato, please, calm down. I’ll be there tomorrow afternoon. Take the chip out of that phone, break it and the phone and throw it away. Don’t worry.” The call ends abruptly and I take a deep breath and look at Gage.

“Told you Lisa, it’s time. Do you know who you are up against?” Without a doubt I do. I feel my blood rush and my fists tighten. “Gage, I can do it. The masked man, AID, many of these people that the guys have come up against have one person in common, the Prime Minister.” Gage smiles and leans forward holding my hands. “We’ll help you with the evidence to take him down. Your friends won’t see the connection because they’re dealing with the middle-man again.” “Gage, I don’t want to get any of you in trouble…” he pats my hands. “Lisa, you know we’ll be completely anonymous when releasing the information and helping you. We’ll all be worried about you going in to the line of fire, but you’re the most skilled in sneaking around and fighting. I know you can do this!” The professor stands up, gives me a kiss on the forehead and puts up our empty coffee cups.

“Gage, I can’t ever begin to pay you back for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you, thank you so incredibly much for taking me under your tutelage and helping me grow.” I bow to him and he laughs. “Lisa, you’ve helped many people while being in this group and this isn’t goodbye dear. I may be in my 50’s, but I’m not dying yet.” I laugh and attack him with a hug. “No one will die, I’ll make sure of it.”

He pats my back and releases me from the hug. “Okay sweetheart, go get some rest and get ready, tomorrow is another day!” ************************************ Back in Tokyo…. “Eisuke! Wake up, come on! Shake it off! Damn this shit!” Soryu curses as he struggles against his tight restraints. “S…Sor… what the fuck is going on?” States Baba as he begins to wake up from his drug induced stupor. “I don’t know, but it looks like we were all drugged at the party and here we are. Who the fuck could havd done this?”

“Maybe it was one of your gang rivals Sor” said Ota as he licked his dry lips and shook his head in an effort to re-stabilize his sight. “Not one of mine; this is not their typical ammo.” Rustling noises come from one of the corners of their dark enclosure. “Nah kid, at this stage, it could be either Baba or Eisuke’s enemies. What the actual fuck did they give us? My head is 'bout to rip the fuck open!” Groans come from the center of the room as Eisuke comes to. “What the fuck?” Soryu rolls his eyes, “we just established that part. Do you have any bad deals going on right now? Anything we should know?” Eisuke shakes his head and tries to re-moisturize his dry mouth. “The usual. Maybe that masked freak is at it again? Whoever it is, I wasn’t anticipating this, and usually I can see it a mile away. This is bigger.”

“For sure it wasn’t me. I’ve been in France for a month” said Baba. “Well, whoever the fuck it is, they have a flair for the dramatic. They should have just taken us out of the equation if they were able to get all of us.” stated Eisuke. The lights turned on and the mens’ eyes sting with the introduction of the harsh brightness. “So you are awake, perfect! I’ll notify the boss soon.” Said a man with a familiar voice as he entered the large warehouse area. The men re-adjust their sight and look upon their captor. “I called it! Masked dude it is!” said Ota. “Oh buddy, I’ve been nothing but a pawn in this and will continue to be to fulfill my boss’s every desire. Unfortunately, he’s been a busy body, so I will entertain you until he’s ready. Continue to enjoy your accommodations men, you’re here for the long haul.” The man laughs and quickly walks away leaving the bidders in their metal chairs with what seems to be mechanized handcuffs, the likes they had never seen before.

[lailannajacobs]

Empire of Angels | Part One

Pairing: Bucky x ofc!Amelie Novak

Summary: Amelie Novak moved from New York to Boston to escape a shitty ex and to get a killer story. She just didn’t realize she’d meant that literally. 

Warnings: none! 

Word Count: 4.5k

A/N: Technically this part has already been published under a different name, but it’s been seriously editied and changed with parts added so it’s quite different? Anyways, I’d love to know what you think! <3

Empire of Angels | Part One

“I need someone to go after ex-sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. You ever heard of him, Novak?”

Amelie nodded, but her boss Cary, kept going as if she hadn’t. Typical. It wasn’t like he took her any more seriously than an intern.

“He’s ex-military. Defected five years ago and has been working as a hitman ever since. I’m sure you must have heard of him. If the cops are right, then he’s to blame for over a dozen high profile kills since. I got a source telling me he’s in Boston, ‘bout to hit his next target. I want you to find him and get me killer story before anyone else even thinks about it. And before you say a thing, I know you’re a reporter, not a cop. But this could be huge for the Globe and I need someone on this.”

Like hell she would say anything. Cary was finally giving her a real story. When Amelie had moved - more precisely, run away - to Boston looking for a change, she hadn’t expected to get sidelined. She was a damned good reporter and everyone at the Times knew she was good at her job. So like hell she’d say a thing and ruin her chance at proving to her new employer that she was the best he had.

“Do you know who the intended target is?” She kept her voice clipped, professional like his favourite boys did.

Cary shook his head, “My source wouldn’t say. But I need to know you’re okay with this, Novak. He’s dangerous and cunning, practically a ghost. I don’t want you walking into this expecting peaches and roses like the rest of the stories you cover.”

Amelie almost mentioned that the reason all her other stories had been peaches and roses was because he wouldn’t let her cover anything hard hitting, but nodded instead, afraid to look anything other than absolutely capable.

“It’s no problem. This will be my number one priority. I won’t let you down,” She promised with conviction.

With a curt nod, he waved her out of the office, apparently satisfied. Amelie could barely contain her excitement, and purposefully slowed her walk toward the conference room door. Her curiosity got the best of her before she could walk out.

Glancing over her shoulder as nonchalantly as possible, she asked, “Why me?”

He kept his gaze on the papers he was now leafing through, “They told me when I hired you, that your biggest asset as a reporter is that you’re constantly being underestimated. I figured the best way to get to him was to send someone like you,” He paused and looked up at her, “Am I wrong?”

She shook her head.

“Didn’t think so. Now get to it, Novak. Somehow I doubt he’ll be here for long.”

Amelie left the conference room, unable to wipe the smile from her lips, ignoring the curious looks from her coworkers.

Staring at the computer screen, Amelie finally understood why Cary had sent her after such an important and dangerous story. The dozens of articles she had found on Barnes made it clear that this story Cary wanted her to cover wasn’t something he expected her to succeed at. He didn’t expect anyone to find Barnes at all and hadn’t been about to waste one of his better employees on a fruitless task. She didn’t care. Cary had finally given her a story worth covering and she was sure as hell going to get it done, even if her first thought had been that the police, FBI or even a PI would have been better suited for the job. There was no way she’d turn the job down now. Not when there was no way she could lose. If she got the story, she’d be bringing in one of the biggest stories the Globe had seen in years. If she failed, well, no one expected her to succeed anyways.

Her research on Barnes - otherwise known as the Winter Soldier - had led her to two conclusions. He was extremely dangerous, and he was extremely talented at what he did. And what he did, was take out criminals before anyone even knew that’s what they were. The hit would lead to an investigation, which would then lead to the exposure of skeletons no one knew were hiding in the deceased’s closet. His MO didn’t make any of his vigilante kills any less of a crime, it only meant that getting the story before anyone else would be huge for her and probably save a life in the process. All Amelie had to do was find the scumbag Barnes was targeting before her little hitman found him first.

Get a story, save a life, put an asshat in jail, get promoted. All in that order. That simple.

The problem - the biggest one at the moment - was that no one was able to figure out who Barnes’ next target would be before the body dropped. The deaths appeared random, but she knew it couldn’t be. Anyone who worked as meticulously as the Winter Soldier did had to have a process. Figuring it out would be the key to her success.

Amelie had reached out to other reporters across the country, including an old friend from the Times who had covered the deaths accredited to Barnes, but all anyone could say was that he was ghost.

So, the other major problem was finding him.

But that’s where she came in.

Finding people was something she had always been good at. Although she had never figured out how exactly, Amelie had an uncanny ability to be at the right place at the right time. Trusting that gut feeling had never steered her wrong in the past, and she wasn’t about to doubt it now. Any reporter could follow up on a lead and dig up dirt. But not every reporter had her instincts. Amelie had to believe that it was what was going to put her ahead of the dozen or so journalists who had gone up against the Winter Soldier in the past.

Her printer spat out a photo of the sergeant’s military ID, the most recent photograph she could find of him. She didn’t doubt he looked nothing like the picture. The cropped dark hair and clean-shaven face were probably long gone, and she had to assume that, like the security cameras unable to get a clear image of him, she wouldn’t recognize the man from the picture. The only saving grace was that she had never seen ocean coloured eyes so striking, even on a low quality, home printed scrap piece of paper. She figured she’d recognize them if - when - she met his gaze.

The military uniform and crooked grin seemed at odds with the infamous hitman she was hunting, but Amelie knew that dangerous men came in all shapes and sizes. The facts were that this man had killed almost a dozen high profile businessmen and politicians in the past five years and that each hit was in a largely public area, creating mass chaos, which was, if she had to guess, his escape route.

Scoping out Boston’s most popular public areas was where she would start. Tomorrow. She wouldn’t be able to find him running on half a muffin she’d had for supper and little to no sleep. Resting and getting her things in order was her priority. Tomorrow it would be the Winter Soldier.

* * * * *

Amelie wandered through Quincy Market among families decked out in Celtic’s green, ready for the night’s big game against the Raptors. The town square was alive with laughter and shouting, one of the last warm, autumn days brightening everyone’s mood. She let herself get stopped by tourists asking for directions, wandered into a coffee shop and popped into gift shops, looking to send her New York friends and family a little sign that she was adapting to just fine. No one had really understood her move from the New York Times to the Boston Globe, but then again, none of them had dated Brian for as long as she had. The only exception had wished her well and sent her off with an understanding smile. One of these trinkets was for them.

Every ball cap in sight caught her attention, though none hid incredible blue eyes under the lid. It was a gamble on her part to assume that he’d be wearing one, but the best way to get through a crowd, antsy for tonight’s game, was to blend in. And judging by the amount of ball caps in her five-foot radius alone, the odds were in her favour that she’d find him under one. Her instincts had gotten her this far. She wasn’t about to start doubting them during what was probably the most important story of her career.

Before she could decide where to wander to next, she was thrown to the ground, pain searing through her wrists. Where the hell that basketball had come from was beyond her, and she pushed herself back up, wincing as the assailant rolled away.

“I���m so sorry miss, are you all right?”

Amelie took in a deep breath and forced a cheery laugh, “I’m fine. Happens to the best of us. Let’s just hope none of that happens to our team tonight, right?”

The washed-out looking man in a stretched thin jersey picked up the ball and handed it back to his son. The man smiled, most likely pleased by her kind smile, cheery attitude and the fact that she wasn’t chewing his son out for his pathetic aim. They always were. Nice was usually seen as a weakness. Nice was never looked at twice. But underestimated and forgotten were some of the reason Amelie was able to do her job so well.

He finished with another apology and a slightly creepy wink before whisking his son away. She wanted to roll her eyes but kept her well practice act in place, keeping her gaze trained on them as they wandered through the crowd. That was when she spotted someone far more important behind them. The cap, which was what had immediately caught her attention, was a dumb choice on his part. The navy colour only brought out his eyes, which had made him that much easier to spot.

Amelie grinned.

It was time to pay her little hitman a visit.

She wove through the crowd with purpose, keeping an eye on her target. Stalking him wouldn’t do any good. She could do that later if need be. Right now, he was probably hyper aware of people trying to tail him, and less wary of people actually trying to talk to him. The latter was exactly what she planned on doing.

Amelie knew she shouldn’t have been feeling anything other than fear, but this was what she had come to Boston for. A fresh start and a killer story. All she could feel was the adrenaline coursing through her veins, her senses coming alive. It didn’t matter that she was tailing an accomplished hitman. She was damn good at her job. She could do this.

When she got close enough, she tapped on his shoulder, “Hi! I’m a reporter from the Globe’s sports section and we’re conducting a survey to see who’s watching the game tonight and where. Mind if I ask you a couple questions?”

He turned around, brows furrowed, and eyes narrowed as if surprised to have been spotted in the first place.

“No,” He answered gruffly, striding off.

Amelie hurried after him, “Technically no means you don’t mind!”

He kept walking.

“Please,” She begged, “I’m never going to be taken seriously if I can’t even get this silly task done. I, like, really, really, really want to be promoted to fashion. I’m sooo done with sports. Please, can you just answer this one tiny little question for me?”

He sighed, but thankfully stopped, “If you want to be taken seriously then lose the ditsy attitude.”

Rude.

“I’m asking you a question, not asking you to act like an as-” She cut herself off, cursing the slip in her act. She was better than that.

“That’s better,” He smirked, “You get one question.”

Amelie couldn’t roll her eyes at him, no matter how much she wanted to. The last thing she needed was an attitude that drew attention to herself or flagged her as threatening or even suspicious. He had asked her to drop the ditsy attitude, but that was the last thing she intended on doing. A cheery woman, somehow stuck doing an article for the sports section was exactly who she would be because that was the woman her hitman wouldn’t have a second thought about after they parted ways.

“If you’re watching the game tonight, are you watching at the Garden, at a bar, or at home?”

His face was the perfect image of boredom. Amelie couldn’t help but wonder if he practiced it in the mirror every morning.

“I see why you don’t want to keep asking these questions.”

“I’m glad you agree,” She answered dryly, unable to help herself.

He kept his blue eyes solely on her, which meant he wasn’t looking out for someone else. He obviously didn’t want to be here answering questions - the way he kept all his weight on his toes made Amelie think he was going to take off at any second - but he didn’t appear to be in a rush to get somewhere else either. Whoever his target was, he or she wasn’t here. Either that meant that her hitman had been fed false information or he was scouting a location rather than looking for a person in particular. Amelie had to bet on the former. It wasn’t much of a clue, but it was something.

“Let me guess,” She returned to the perky act, hoping she could get a solid answer out of him this time, “You seem like the kind of guy who would go to a bar to watch the game.”

He narrowed his eyes and her stomached knotted. This wasn’t how she wanted him to be looking at her. Amelie leaned even further into the act, widening her smile. She couldn’t slip up when she was so close to an answer.

He sighed. If he had been suspicious, he had quickly dismissed her as a threat, “Is that your way of trying to prove your journalistic instincts?”

“Is that your way of evading the question?” She countered.

“Maybe,” He smirked, a dangerous quirk of his mouth that sent her pulse racing, “How about you?”

“Maybe.”

Amelie held that piercing blue gaze, refusing to be the one to back down first. Arching a brow in a silent challenge, she waited with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Yes,” He conceded, “I’ll be watching in a bar tonight.”

She let out a sigh of relief, “Thank you! See, was that so hard?”

He snorted and walked off without another word.

“Have a nice day!” He called after him with fake chipper, muttering asshole beneath her breath.

Barnes didn’t turn around - not that she expected him to - and she watched him go until he was out of sigh. Hopefully, she was already out of his mind.

The game didn’t start for another couple hours, which gave her time to figure out which bars were playing the game tonight. Amelie had been disappointed when he hadn’t said he’d be watching the game at the Garden. A stadium was a hell of a lot easier to canvas than all the bars in Boston. She couldn’t even be certain that he was telling the truth - odds were that he wasn’t. Fortunately, Amelie’s gut feeling told her the opposite. Rude hitman didn’t necessarily mean liar.

Another sigh escaped her lips, the adrenaline wearing off. It had been risky giving herself away, but she banked on the fact that not many people, especially someone to small compared to him, would knowingly approach a wanted hitman. She had incorporated as much truth into her lie to make it as credible as possible and just had to hope that he wouldn’t check up on her.

The thought should have scared her, but it didn’t. Barnes was nothing like the articles described him as, and quite frankly, the only adjectives she would have used to described him were grumpy and rude. The man she’d just met was nothing like the terror described in the other articles. She didn’t know if her reaction made her stupid or brave. Maybe it was neither considering that no-one else had actually gotten close to him.

Not wanting to tail him all afternoon and most likely alert him to her presence, she decided to go home and get some more research done. It wasn’t going to be easy trying to find him tonight, but Amelie had always considered herself as someone who was lucky. She could get Barnes, but she was also going to need a little luck on her side tonight. 

* * * * *

Amelie had tried five different bars before finally finding him in a pub known for its connection with the Irish Mob. Her feet were sore, someone had spilt a drink on her lap at bar number two when the Celtics had scored, and it had taken an extra fifty just to convince the bouncer to let her in, but it was worth it.

She’d found him.

Finally.

The whole process of trying to find him had taken up so much of her energy that she’d forgotten to actually plan what she wanted to do when he found him. Not wanting to do something stupid, she did nothing. She’d somehow found a seat at the bar, despite the packed Friday night crowd, close enough so that she could see him but far enough away not to attract any unwanted attention. The pub was just as noisy as every other place she’d been at, drunken cheers and insults being shouted at the televisions sporadically. Amelie ordered another beer, still not sure what to do. Without a gut feeling to tell her what to do, she sipped away, keeping tabs on him from time to time. That was, until he wasn’t there anymore.

Cursing herself for being so sloppy, she downed the beer and pushed off the seat, only to run into a broad chest in a red henley and a dark leather jacket. She didn’t have to tilt her head back to know she was face to face - face to chest? - with the exact mad she was looking for. His narrowed eyes probably meant that their running into each other wasn’t accidental or a good thing.

She smiled.

He dipped his head, breath hot on her ear when he growled, “Sit down.”

Her eyes widened in the nonexistent fear she should have felt and followed his order while he slid into the free seat on her right. Barnes ordered a drink, not saying anything as they waited for the barman to come back with his beer. He probably hoped to ramp up her supposed fear by letting her stew, but it only succeeded in giving her time to think of a way out without killing her chance at getting this story. She had to give him credit though. She figured most people would have been afraid. But he had no idea that she wasn’t most people.  

“Who are you?” He demanded after the bartender had moved on.

“Oh! Right! You didn’t get my name earlier. I promise I’m not stalking you or anything, it’s purely personal,” Amelie could tell the sweetness in her voice had thrown him off guard, so she continued, laying it on even thicker, “It’s not every day I get to interview someone so… handsome, you know. I just thought that if I can into you tonight then-”

“Who are you?” He repeated, cutting her off with a cold look.

Obviously, manners weren’t his thing.

She forced a giggle even if it was getting harder to keep up the charade. What she wanted to do was shake him and tell him that manners were for everyone, including international hitmen, but she looked away for a second as if embarrassed.

She extended her hand, “Amelie Novak.”

He looked at it as though it might bite him, but he summoned all of his dangerous, brooding bravery and took it, “I wasn’t expecting such a firm grip.”

She shot him a pointed look, filling in the unspoken words, “From someone so ditzy?”

Amelie couldn’t help it. His condescending attitude made it impossible not to want to answer in the same tone. She needed to get her act together. Now. In the last five years, she had never broken character on the job, and now, she had twice in the same day. She reminded herself what was on the line if she slipped up and shot him another smile.

He let out something that might have been a laugh, if hitmen did indeed laugh. Judging by the looks of him, it wasn’t something he did all that often. At least no in from of other people. Or ever.

He stood, “I’m flattered by your…interest, but I have to go. If you’re lucky, some overgrown frat boy will come in a take my place. Seems more your type anyway, sweetheart.”

Amelie smiled through gritted teeth, holding it in place until he was no longer looking at her.

“I tried that,” She muttered when he was too far to hear, thinking of Brian, “Didn’t work out.”

Ordering another drink, she followed him out with her eyes, waiting to see what he would do next. After having seen her twice in the same day, she couldn’t tail him. There was nothing left for her to do. Or at least, that’s what she thought before realizing that he was following someone else out of the bar; someone Amelie very much recognized. And if that man was her hitman’s target, then all she had to do was find that man’s dirty little secrets. Fast.

She pulled out her phone. There was only one person she could count on to get the kind of information she needed and who could get it to her before the night was over.

* * * * *

“What do you got for me?” Amelie perched on the corner of Detective Sam Wilson’s desk and flicked the Paul Pierce bobble head.

He barely spared her a glance, focused on the document on his computer screen, “Nice to see you too, Novak.”

She sighed, “Come on, Wilson, you know I’m not one for pleasantries.”

“You were when we first met,” He pointed out, typing away.

“That was when I thought I could get something from you that way,” She grinned, “Turns out you were a lot less gullible than I thought.”

He pushed back from his desk, chair rolling far enough that he could extend his legs, “I should’ve encouraged manners. A simple how are you would have been nice.”

“Fine, fine,” She rolled her eyes, “How are you, Wilson? How was your day?”

“I’m fine, Novak,” He smirked, “How are you?”

“Hoping to be better once I hear what you’ve got.”

He crossed his arms, “What made you start looking into this guy anyways?”

There was no need to tell him that she’d just gone toe to toe with an international hitman, so she simply said, “I got a hunch.”

He raised a brow, “A hunch, huh?”

“Yeah,” She nodded, knowing he was too good a cop for her to risk lying even more to him, “A hunch.”

“You should have been a detective, Novak,” He chuckled, “I think you missed your calling.”

She laughed, “I never could have passed those physical tests. But I’m assuming that you found something if you’re telling me this?”

He nodded, eyes bright.

She leaned forward, “What is it?”

“Oh, you know, police business.”

She nodded, “Of course, police business.”

“I’m going to the bathroom. My computer’s been having trouble lately and won’t seem to shut off,” He winked, standing, “You’ll be gone when I’m back.”

“Yup.”

He put a hand on her shoulder, “Sorry I couldn’t be of more help, Novak.”

“No problem, Wilson, I understand,” She grinned and whispered, “Thank you. I owe you. Next time I’ll come bearing coffee.”

He pulled back, “It better be one of those fancy coffees.”

“Obviously,” She hopped off his desk, watching him leave.

“With cinnamon,” He called over his shoulder.

Amelie bounced onto Sam’s chair and stared at the document he’d left open. Her excitement built as the words for her article began to string themselves together in her mind.

* * * * *

The article had gone viral. Hers. Amelie Novak’s. Cary, after having cursed her out for banging on his home door at midnight, actually smiled after reading it. It had managed to get enough press that even her friends in New York had heard about it. Thinking about it still made her giddy, even days later. God, she loved her job.

The man, a corrupt CEO working with the Irish Mob, had been placed in protective custody, despite his white-collar crimes. Putting him in jail was too dangerous, a prison too flimsy for a good hitman.

Amelie probably should have felt better about having saved a life, but it was hard to feel proud when the made she’d save was a grade A scumbag. Among other crimes, he’d stolen from hundreds of families in the area and hurt so many other people through his connections with the Mob and those were only the crimes Wilson had been able to dig up overnight. Since then, other crimes had surfaced and all her articles since then had been recaps of the cops’ investigation.

Fumbling with her keys, her grip slipped on her grocery bags and she scrambled to get into her apartment without dropping anything. The place was dark, the late evening light gone long before she had left the office and the city lights barely poking thought the cracks between the adjacent buildings.

The light switch was too high to reach with the weight of the five-pound sack of potatoes in one hand and the jug of milk in the other, so she wandered blindly into the kitchen of her new studio apartment.

“I’d have to say, I’m impressed.”

Amelie shrieked, almost dropping the bags again. Her heart pounding her chest as if it was begging her to leave, but she didn’t move or turn on the lights. She didn’t need to. Amelie recognized the voice.

Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, professional hitman, the Winter Soldier himself, was in her kitchen, and he was most definitely trespassing.

[dearmyblank]

to sitra

i’ve always wondered if id ever get the chance to see you again and…a chance to tell you how sorry I am. And tell you how much I still love you. i have imagined for myself a way for me to fall back in love with you.. but how do I do that, if i never stopped loving you?

Making the decision to walk away from our relationship was the scariest thing i ever had to do. I wanted to do something good. And I wanted to save you; from some of the pain. Maybe for a short while I didn’t save you from anything. Maybe you lived with the pain every day until you didn’t. I blame myself for thinking I knew what was best for you. I blame myself for thinking i knew what was best for me; when it was you that was best for me. I don’t believe that being in love absolves you of anything. I no longer believe that all’s fair in love and war. I’d go so far as to say your actions in love are not an exception to who you are. They are, in fact, the very definition of who you are. But It’s very easy to rationalize what you’re doing when you don’t know the faces and the names of the people you might hurt. It’s very easy to choose yourself over someone else when it’s an abstract.

I’ve got a lot of good inside me. A lot of pain, too.. about the past, about you. I wrote this because i don’t want to be living with regret. You can only forgive yourself for the mistakes you made in the past once you know you’ll never make them again.. I went back to the graveyard a few times and i sat there and wished things had happened differently, but I can’t just wish away the bad stuff. I have to think about all the good stuff I might lose, too. I couldn’t lose the thought of you. I truly believe we were meant to love each other. I needed a chance to remember that. I’m not saying we’re gonna be together. I don’t know that. And if it doesn’t work out, I’ll miss you so much, i’ll barely be able to move. I’ll feel i have no purpose… no reason to go on. But there’s nothing to do but wait. Wait and it’ll get clear to me. i’ll get on with my life.. Just as i have. I think I have to believe that life will work out the way it needs to. If everything that happens in the world is just a result of chance and there’s no rhyme or reason to any of it, that’s just too chaotic for me to handle. I’d have to go around questioning every decision I’ve ever made, every decision I will ever make. If our fate is determined with every step we take … it’s too exhausting. I’d prefer to believe that things happen as they are meant to happen.

i cannot just un love you. that i know is the hardest thing i have ever tried to do. I have looked in so many other girls to stop it. Protect me from it. But I’m young.. It’s not just that you make me a better person. You do, but, I impact you too. I challenge you, surprise you. I make you question your life, beliefs. anybody you date after me is different. Their love is pure and they’ll always be good for you. But i’m either the best thing for you or the worst. We had the best and we’ve been through the worst.. now i want forever. if you love someone, if you think you could make them happy for the rest of your life together, then nothing should stop you. You should be prepared to take them as they are and deal with the consequences. Relationships aren’t neat and clean. They’re ugly and messy, and they make almost no sense except to the two people in them. That’s what I think. I think if you truly love someone, you accept the circumstances; you don’t hide behind them.

We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has only happened once. It was a once in a lifetime thing. I hate to think it, but I bet it’s true. It’s too bad for us that our once in a lifetime happened when we were too young to handle it. And that’s why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I’ll never forget a single moment of it. I still remember every story you told me. Whether it be about your family, your past, your friends.. I know it all. But I tell myself that I know you, and then when I think about it, I realize that I don’t. Not anymore. The scariest thing about distance is that you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget you.

When you chose him, in time the hurt began to fade and it was easier to just let it go. At least I thought it was. But in every girl I met in the next few months, I found myself looking for you, and when the feelings got too strong, I’d write you another letter. But I never sent them for fear of what I might find. By then, you’d gone on with your life and I didn’t want to think about you loving someone else. I wanted to remember us like we were. I didn’t ever want to lose that. From the moment i saw you i knew that I loved you. I also knew that I would never fall back from that love, never try and never want to. I never reached out to you but i’ve loved enough to know that love isn’t selfish and that love is kind. Most nights it took everything in me to not message you. I want you to be happy. But I also know that’s not true, not fully at least. And part of loving someone, part of being the recipient of trust, is telling the truth even when it’s awful. I could only imagine what you must’ve thought of me and i was scared of what you might tell me. When you chose him, that initial anger I had felt turned to sadness, and then it had become something else, almost a dullness of sorts. Even though I was constantly in motion, it seemed as if nothing special ever happened to me anymore. Each day seemed exactly like the last, and I had trouble differentiating among them.

Every now and then, I’d meet someone. And I think that we were getting along great, and suddenly I’d stop hearing from them. Not only did they stop calling, but if I happened to bump into them sometime later they always acted like I had a virus. I didn’t understand it. And it bothered me. When i saw you, you still, all these months later, shine brighter to me than other people. Even after I moved on from you, I was never able to extinguish the fire completely, as if it’s a pilot light that will remain small and controlled, but very much alive. Every good thing that has happened to me, I wanted to tell you. And every bad thing..I wanted you to hold me. And when I was alone at night, I wanted you and I cried for you. But the thought of you, always put me to sleep, even when i was losing my mind. Without you in my arms, I feel an emptiness. I find myself searching the crowds for your face.. I know it’s an impossibility, but I cannot help myself. You were always like coming up for fresh air. It’s like I was drowning and you saved me. It’s all I know.

With time, it got harder and harder to keep blaming the girls that i came in contact with, and I eventually came to the conclusion that there was something wrong with me. That maybe I was simply meant to live my life alone. But that’s just it.. i would stop hearing from them because although my head was in it.. my heart wasn’t. You know I never had anything close to a real relationship since you. One girl, I really liked, but she left. Or I let her leave. I should have made it work, but sometimes it’s easier just to let things fall apart. It was almost as if i wanted it to fall apart. I met her and it was an amazing distraction from you. It was a frivolous; not having any serious purpose or value, and fun and insane and highly unrealistic..and i liked her..but i loved you. They say your first love is everything all at once. A love so big, so strong, it never dies, never fades, never loses its electricity. The kind of love you fight for. I’m just going to do my best and live under the assumption that if there are things in this life that we are supposed to do, if there are people in this world we are supposed to love, we’ll find them. In time. The future is so incredibly unpredictable that trying to plan for it is like studying for a test you’ll never take. I’m OK in this moment. I don’t need to find the perfect thing all the time. Just need to find one that works, and go with it.

There was a point where i just wanted a chance to see you and to talk to you. To heal a little. To love you again. People spend their whole life looking for that and they never find it. And i wanted to be the lucky one that did. No matter what happens, Sitra, I want you to know how grateful I am. because at the end of it all…l get to say I know what it’s like to have loved someone. Truly love someone, because l’ve loved you. Looking at you now, recalling what it used to be like between us, how I liked myself around you, how I felt good about the world and my place in it with you by my side, how I ached when you chose him, I remember what it feels like to truly love someone. For the right reasons. In the right way. When I see you again, I’ll believe we’ve been given a second chance. That the universe has decided to give us that. You may have commitments, I understand, and you may want to keep them. I can only love you more for that.

I was reading about different theories about the universe. I was really taken with this one theory that states that everything that is possible, happens. This is happening every second of every day. The world is splitting further and further into an infinite number of parallel universes where everything that could happen is happening. This is completely plausible. It’s a legitimate interpretation of quantum mechanics. It’s entirely possible that every time we make a decision, there is a version of us out there somewhere who made a different choice. An infinite number of versions of ourselves are living out the consequences of every single possibility in our lives. What I’m getting at here is that I know there may be universes out there where I made different choices that led me somewhere else, led me to someone else…And my heart breaks for every single version of me that didn’t end up with you.

So here i am writing this to you because If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it will cause problems. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it and you don’t turn back. If I simply ignored the feeling, I would never know what might’ve happened, and in many ways that’s worse than finding out in the first place. Because if i’m wrong, I could go forward in my life without ever looking back; over my shoulder and wondering what might have been.I think… that when it comes to us, anything is possible And you are the love of my life. Even if we both move on with other people later on in life.. i know that we’ll find our way back.. I would be lying if i didn’t hope to see you again someday. Just know that when we were together..it was the best of my life. I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I’ve ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we were together, was the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours. You were my best friend, as well as my lover, and I did not know which side of you I enjoyed the most. I treasured each side, just as I have treasured our time together. I loved you so much it sometimes burned in my chest. I know what it means to miss you. and I don’t ever want to feel that again. As I write, I am struggling with the ghost of someone I loved and lost. I now understand more fully the difficulties people were going through, and I realize how painful it must have been for them to move on.. especially when they still love. I don’t want you to date other people. This may not be enough for you, but I’m trying here so I don’t want you to date anybody but me. That’s it. Except I’m scared as hell to want you. But here I am wanting you anyway. And the fear means I have something to lose, right? And I don’t want to lose you.. not anymore then i already have. I believe that we can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart. I can live without you, but i don’t want to. I don’t ever want too. I love who I am when I’m with you, Sitra. You are my dearest friend, my deepest love. My first love. You are the very best of me. You have always been it for me.

forever alisha.

[creator-zee]

133

I could hardly blend in in this form, so I was forced to wait. To wait until dark, until I was just another monster in the shadows. I saw the tall man, handsome, some may call him, but I didn’t see that. All I saw was the red target painted on his back. He was going to die tonight and he was going to die by my hand. He was walking on a side street, completely deserted except for himself - and me. I slipped out of the alley I was watching from and slipped into his shadow. I was a mere foot from him, and yet he had no idea. Cat and mouse. He was the mouse. I was the cat. And he had no idea.

I pounced.

I covered his mouth with one hand and wrapped one arm around his chest, lifting him up and dragging him into a deserted alley. His screams were muffled by my hand. I slammed him into the wall, knocking him out. I dropped his limp body before crouching over it and ripping out his throat. I slashed my claws, once, twice, across his chest. Blood poured out of him. He was dead.

I leveled my gaze with the man across from me. He was short and stoutly, sporting a large bushy beard. I didn’t know him, but he was the only other sober person at this bar. How he could stand to be sober around all these drunken idiots was beyond me? He clearly wasn’t a vampire, like me, and unable to get drunk, so I couldn’t understand his choice. Most sober people don’t go to bars alone.

“What do you want?” He growled.

“Nothing.” I raised my hand in the sign for surrender.

“Stop staring at me then.” He grumbled.

I nodded and slid off my stool. I didn;t need to get into another fight. I clearly wasn’t going to find anyone here capable of giving consent so I might as well move on. I left a five for the bartender on the bar and slipped through the throngs of people and out the door. I breathed in the fresh air and turned down the street.

I let out a gasp as the air was shoved out of my lungs. A large furry mass pinned me to the wall. I felt it bite me on the neck and I returned the favor, gagging as the taste of werewolf blood filled my mouth. At least it caused them to let me go. I shoved them off me. It wasn’t the full moon. How was a werewolf shifted? Were they newly turned? Why attack a vampire?

They stared at me for a split second before running further into the alley. I gave chase. I was fast, but so were they. I could barely stay on their trail, much less close the gap. I gave up, when we left the city and entered the rolling hills covered with woods. It wasn’t worth it. It was just one bite. It would heal by morning. I covered my hand over the bite. It was bleeding a surprising amount. I would probably need blood. Great. Wonderful. I pulled out my phone and looked up the nearest blood bank. I can’t say I miss the days where I had to kill for food, but it was certainly more convenient. But, I suppose that’s the price for no longer being staked or burned on sight.

I walked in the sliding glass doors, blinking at the harsh white of the room. I groaned when I saw the line. I went over to the little machine and took a number. 436. They were “now serving” 395. I take back what I said earlier. I miss the old days. I sat in a chair next to a little old lady, and occupied myself with a game on my phone, one hand still pressed over my bleeding neck. Weird. Why hadn’t it stopped yet?

“Are you going to go to the police?” The lady asked. It took me a second to realize that she was talking to me.

“What?” I asked, somewhat stupidly.

“Are you going to report whoever bit you?” She asked again.

I shook my head, immediately regretting it when the bite began bleeding more. “No. It’s just one bite. It’s not worth the effort.”

I shrunk under her penetrating gaze. “Besides, the human police don’t like vampires. Especially, not ones with records. They wouldn’t take it seriously. What’s the harm after all. It’s just a vampire who can heal. Not a big deal when you're dealing with homicides”

“Ah, racism.” The little old lady said. “Never goes away, just changes. I should know.”

I turned to her interested, when you live forever you begin to collect stories. Yours, others. THis sounded like an interesting story.

“Do tell.” I said, perhaps too eagerly.

“Oh really,” She laughed. “A young man like you would humor an old lady.

I chuckled. “Careful who you call young. I might be older than your mother.”

Her eyes crinkled as she smiled. “Perhaps, but I doubt that.”

“So, you’re story...” I prompted.

“Ah yes... well, when I was a young girl...”

I listened attentively to her story of growing up black in the rural south. Unfortunately, I had heard many stories like hers, but I still appreciated the small differences, filing it away in my brain. I was almost sad when I had to go when my number was called. I walked up to the counter, looking at the sleep-deprived human. If only they trusted vampires (whose natural clock was nocturnal) instead of forcing humans to work graveyard hours.

“What can I do for you?” The exhausted human asked, mechanically.

“Two blood packs please.”

“That will be ten dollars.” He informs me, typing something on the screen in front of him.

I regretfully hand over 10 dollars. Another thing about the old days. Never had to pay for food.

“Thank you, please come again.” He says and hands me my order.

I nod and leave. I glance over at where the old lady had been sitting, but she’s gone. I shrug and leave, opening one of the blood bags and greedily slurping it down. I remove my hand from the wound. It’s finally stopped bleeding and I can feel the skin knitting itself back together I ran my fingers over the freshly healed tissue, feeling the slight raise of a scar. Well damn. That sucks. I don’t normally scar. I sighed and quickly downed the second blood bag before throwing both away. I made my way back to my apartment. It was almost sunrise. I was exhausted.

Cup of coffee in hand, I stared at the gruesome murder scene before me. A man was lying face up in a pool of his own blood. His throat had been ripped out and claw marks were racked against his chest. His forehead was also covered in blood. Judging from the blood on the wall, his head had been slammed against it. A medical examiner was crouched over the body.

“These bites are definitely from a werewolf.” She said, looking up at me.

“But, last night wasn’t a full moon.” I pointed out.

She stood and shrugged. “Could’ve been newly turned. When they are first bitten, they transform.”

I sighed. “Anything else that will help us identify the killer, since I doubt we will just find a werewolf running around town.”

“They weren’t very careful, so it’s possible they left some DNA behind. I will look into it.” She told me, crouching back down.”

“Do we have an ID on the victim?” I asked.

An officer to my right shook his head. “Nope. We are going to run his DNA and fingerprints too.”

“Thank you.” I told them, turning away, and heading back to my car. I would look into the victim back at the office, maybe I would find some hints of who he was and who would want him dead. If this wasn’t just a random kill caused from the first shift. Some days I wish I didn’t work in the supernatural unit. I sat down at my desk, and sighed. I began looking up missing person reports and cross-referencing them to see if any matched the victim. No luck. So this guy was a nobody.

My phone rang. I picked it up.

“Hello, detective?”

“Yes?”

“We found a business card on the victim, for a ‘Mike the Magician.’ I’m sending you a picture of the card. That might be a place to start. We also found his phone. We sent it to our Torres for her to open it up”

“Thank you.” I hung up the phone. I opened my email. A new file had been sent. I opened it up. It was a picture of a business card. I called the number. No luck. No answer.

I sighed. Maybe Torres would find something to help me ID this guy. My phone rang again. It was Torres.

“Please tell me you have something.” I said. “I’ve reached a dead end with trying to figure out who this guy is.”

“I’ve got something. Someone called his phone just a few seconds ago. I’m tracking the number now.”

“Great.”

“Not so great Detective. It’s your number.”

“Oh, so he’s Mike the Magician. I just called the business card they found in his pocket.”

“Oh, well, he hasn't made any recent calls or texts or emails. His phone is basically bare bones. I’m not sure why he has it.”

“For his company?” I suggested. “I’m going to look into it. Keeping trying to dig something up.”

“Of course. I’ll call you if I find anything.”

She hung up and I sighed. Great. Another dead end. I looked up Mike the Magician, but only found references to a different Magic Mike who looked nothing like the victim. I sighed again as I closed the tab. I was getting nowhere.

I called Torres back. “Hey, Torres. I’ve got nothing on his business card.”

“Nothing on his phone either, and forensics came back. His fingerprints and DNA don;t match anything in the system.”

“Great, so we have nothing.”

“We do also have the DNA of the werewolf, but it doesn’t match anything either.”

“Let me know if you have any more leads. I’m going to go get lunch.”

“Will do.”

I hung up, grabbing my jacket and leaving the office. Dead end after dead end. Not even an ID on the victim. Only thing we know about the killer is that they’re a werewolf, recently turned. Makes sense that their DNA wouldn’t match anything. It changes when someone is turned. I pulled my jacket tighter against the brisk air as I walked down the street. I buried the lower half of my face in the collar to protect it from the cold. As such, I was staring down at the sidewalk and caught completely unawares when a large figure suddenly appeared in my peripheral. I startled, stepping backwards and looking up. I froze for a split-second as my eyes landed on the large, gray, humanoid form of a werewolf.

“You’re under arrest.” I said, pulling out my gun.

The werewolf looked at me with an unreadable expression, but raised their hands in surrender.

I holstered my gun, and pulled out my handcuffs, turning the werewolf around and tightening them.

“Come on, let’s go.” I said. We were barely a block from the police station. No need to call a car to pick them up.

I walked them through the front doors, addressing the shocked officers. “Finally found a suspect.”

Two of them took the werewolf away and put him in an interrogation room.

“Can you get a DNA sample from him?” I asked them, and they nodded. Maybe this case wouldn’t be so hard after all. I just had to show that the DNA matched, and I was home free. Luck seemed to be on my side.

Luck was not on my side. The DNA didn’t match. I was still keeping the werewolf though. If they weren’t our killer, but were still recently turned, then they had to have been turned by a different werewolf, perhaps the killer. Unfortunately, this meant I had to wait until the werewolf could talk. And, depending on when they were bitten, that might be several hours. Assuming they were bit after the murder last night, then that places the time of being bit around midnight. The first shift generally lasts around 24 hours, so we had some time to wait. I would continue looking for other leads in the meantime.

Maybe somebody could identify the body. Maybe it was time I let the media have at it and wait for someone to come to us demanding us to figure out how their -blank- was killed.

I picked up my phone. “Hey, Bruno. Can you get the media to publish something about this recent werewolf murder. We’re hoping someone can ID the body.”

“Yeah, I can do that for you detective. If anyone knows this person, we’ll find ‘em.”

“Thanks again Bruno.” I hung up the phone, and pulled out the current file on the murder. There wasn’t much, except  an autopsy report. I grabbed it and began looking through it. Nothing seemed particularly notable. I sighed again. How was I supposed to find a killer? Even if someone had seen something the killer wouldn’t be a furry beast for much longer, and it's almost impossible to ID werewolves when they’re in different forms. I would just have to hope that this wolf could give me something.

One minute I was asleep, the next I was in agony. Then I was at gunpoint. And, now, now I’m in an interrogation room, staring at a pile of clothes waiting for the shift to wear off. I didn’t understand. I was a vampire, how had I been turned into a werewolf. It shouldn’t be possible for a werewolf to turn me. I’d never heard of it before. But apparently it was possible. And I was not happy about it. When I found that werewolf I was going to rip his head off. Wait, I had bitten him. If I was like this now, then would he be a vampire. That’d be a nice surprise for him. He should have fun dealing with that hunger. It wouldn’t go away, not tomorrow, not ever.

I still wanted to rip his head off.

As soon as they let me go, I am finding that douchebag and ripping his head off. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t kill him, but it would still be satisfying as hell.

I had only intended to turn another, so that the suspicion would be placed on them, but this had worked better than I ever could have imagined. The vampire had bit me back and freed me of my curse. I was human again, at least human form. I was a vampire now, but that was manageable. I could finally go back in town.

Walking around the streets, I relished in the small things. The wind on my face, the clothes on  my body, and the wonderful feeling of people not cowering in fear. I walked into a small coffee shop and ordered a cup of tea, something I hadn’t been able to do in months.

I sat back in the chair and picked up the newspaper, reading it. Yet another simple task that had been stolen from me. I almost spat out my tea as I read an article headline. John Doe killed by Werewolf - Police requesting any help with the investigation or IDing the body. 

I suppose I hadn’t exactly been subtle, but it was still frightening. The police were looking for me. It was unfair, no police ever looked for him. No one ever wanted justice for me, now they just want it against me. I finished the rest of my tea and threw down the newspaper, storming out of the quiet cafe.

They wouldn’t find me. No one could ID me, because I wasn’t a werewolf anymore. Y DNA wouldn’t match. They had no evidence. I would not unfairly pay for simply doing justice.

The shift finally wore off. It wasn’t nearly as painful the second time, but I didn’t like the fact that there was a window into the room. I hurriedly pulled back on my clothes to maintain some semblance of modesty. The door opened. A lady walked in, the same one who held me at gunpoint.

“I’m Detective Sallow. I have a few questions for you regarding a murder that took place last night at about midnigt.” She introduced.

I glared at her, unimpressed. “So why do you think it’s me?”

“The victim was killed by a werewolf. It’s not the full moon, so the only one who could’ve done it is a freshly turned werewolf.” She explained.

“Well, I didn’t do it. As of yesterday, or Friday, I don’t know what day it is, I was a vampire. I didn’t know it was possible for a werewolf bite to turn a vampire.” I shot back, irritated.

“We know you didn’t do it.” She decided to finally tell me. “You’re DNA doesn’t match. We think whoever turned you is our guy.”

“Well, by now he’s probably a vampire. I bit him in self-defense. If im like this now, he’s probably a vampire.” I told her, shrugging.

She sighed. “You said you used to be a vampire. What does a newly turned vampire do?”

“Kill.” I said plainly. “They’ll be hungry. Most try to resist but that only lasts about a day. Considering he’s already killed I’d say you’ll be finding another body soon.”

“Do you know anything that could help us find him? Do you know Mike the Magician?” She pressed.

“He ran into the forest last night when I chased after him. If you didn’t get any reports of a naked man coming back into town, I’d assume he had stuff out there. Might be worth a shot looking.” I suggested.

“Thank you. “ She said, and stood to leave, but turned back to me. “Why didn’t you ever file for assault last night when he bit you?”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you really that naive? The human police places priorities on humans, not vampires who heal in minutes. How much effort would have gone into an investigation on who assaulted me?”

She didn’t answer, just stood up and opened the door. “You’re free to go. Please call us if you have anymore information.”

I didn’t respond just walked out the door, and back to my apartment. It was the middle of the day and I had been up for hours. It was long past my bedtime. I would worry about finding this douchebag later. 

I woke to someone practically beating down my door with their knocking. It was only slightly less annoying then waking up because I was shifting into a werewolf. Despite being forced to wake up for centuries I still hated it. I rolled out of bed and stumbled to the door, opening it.

“What could you possibly need at this time of day?” I demanded.

“One, it’s almost 10pm. And two, I wanted to see my boyfriend. Is that a crime?” The intruder explained.

I blinked my eyes and actually registered who I was yelling at. It was Blake my significant other, or as I liked to jokingly call them, my goyfriend. 

I opened the door, letting them in. “Sorry Blake I’ve had a weird past couple of days.”

They walked inside. “I’m always up for a story.”

I waved them into my living room. “Well, it’s a weird one.”

“Now you have to tell it.” They joked, sitting down.

“Well friday night a crazy werewolf attacked my and bit me, and I bit them back. And now I’m a werewolf and they are probably a vampire. But they commited a murder a few hours before turning me and alfmost framed me for it, anf im on a revenge path trying to find this idiot so I can rip his head off.” I explained.

“Wow. That’s a lot to take  in.” They said, stricken. “I didn’t know that vampires could be turned into werewolves or vice-versa.”

I shrugged. “I didn’t either.”

“I could turn you back?” They suggested. “And help you figure out how to catch this guy.”

“Really? That’d be awesome.” I said, excited. I really wasn’t looking forward to being a werewolf for the rest of my days.

“Yeah?” They said, slightly uncertain. “I just have to bite you, right?”

“I think so.” I held out my wrist, pushing up my sleeve. “Here.”

“This is so weird.” They commented, but bit down anyways. I flinched, but it was relatively quick, if not painless.

“Thank you.” I repeated. “It will probably take a few hours to take effect, but let’s go see what we can find on this bobolyne.”

“You know you’re angry when you slip into a old-english insults.” They joked.

I just scowled good-naturedly in return. “I’m going to get dressed real quick, feel free to help yourself to anything.”

I made my way to my bedroom and quickly threw on some more acceptable clothes than pajamas and joined Blake again in my living room area I stopped in my bathroom real quick to throw a hasty bandage around my wrist, and then pulled my shirt’s sleeve down over it. I patted my pockets to make sure I had my phone and wallet and keys, threw on my jacket, and I was ready to go.

“Ready Blake?” I asked.

“Yep.” They nodded.

I grabbed their hand and pulled them out the door, briefly pausing to lock the door.

“I was thinking that we should start at where he bit me and then go from there.” I suggested.

Blake smiled. “This is your murder quest Eddie, you can take the lead.”

“Why thank you, kind mir.” I joked.

“You really need to just stop combining words when you can’t think of a gender neutral term.” Blake chastised, but they were grinning. “Eventually, you’re going to accidentally call me something that’s actually a word, like a broom.”

“But that’s the fun.” I returned. “But how would I end up calling you a broom?”

“Bride and groom.”

I raised an eyebrow. “So, we’re getting married?”

Blake sighed and answered sarcastically. “I don’t know. We’ve only been dating a century. We should definitely wait another for good measure. You know it takes three centuries to properly get to know someone.”

“Shut up.” I complained, elbowing them. “In my defense, it's only been legal the past eight years.”

“Technically,” Blake began, still with a silly grin. “We aren’t the same gender so it was never illegal.”

“Shut up.” I muttered. “Oh look, we’re here.”

“I see a grand total of.... Nothing.” Blake commented, looking around.

I also looked around, and had to agree. I pointed down the alley. “They ran that way when I shoved them off after biting them.”

“Lead the way.” Blake said, bowing dramatically.

I chuckled at them. “Come on you goofball. Keep your eyes peeled.”

We walked in silence for a while, I was trying to think of other ways to find this son of a bitch, but i was coming up blank.

“Found something.” Blake said.

I turned to look at them and follow their gaze. A dark splotch on the wall.

“Blood.” Blake explained, “from your bite probably.”

“Can you track it?” I asked. “Is there more?”

“I can try.” They shrugged.

“That’s all I can ask.” I told them.

They smiled, and we began following the trail.

The hunger was growing. It was gnawing. I should’ve expected it. I didn’t. I had no idea how strong it was. Every person who walked by could be my next meal. I wanted to lungs to kill, to feed. I wanted it so badly, and it disgusted me. They didn’t deserve to die. I didn’t want to kill them. Yes, I had killed Blaise, but he had deserved it. He wasn’t innocent, not like these people. 

Were any of them truly innocent? How different was Blaise from these people? 

Very different. Very, very different. He had to be. He was terrible, horrible. He deserved to die. He got what was coming. Justice. It was justice. I would get away with it because it was justice. He deserved to die. He had to. He definitely did. He wasn’t like these people. I did the right thing, killing him. 

Didn’t I?

I had decided to take the silver werewolf’s advice and check out the woods, while Torres continued looking for any more leads into the who the victim was. In hindsight I realized to woods were very large and finding one possible existing campsite was a longshot, but as I had no other leads. This was my best bet. I had recruited the help of the forest rangers, and they were currently searching through the woods while I waited with the lead ranger at the truck to hear anything.

“We found a vampire and a uh, ex-vampire, now werewolf, soon to be vampire, in the woods poking around an old campsite.” Crackled through the radio and the ranger looked up at me.

“Sound familiar?” She asked.

I nodded. “I think so. Thanks.”

She nodded to me. “I'll have Ben here take you to them.”

“Thanks again.” I said as I followed Ben through the woods.

All the trees looked the same to me, but Ben seemed confident as he went through the woods. His confidence wasn’t misguided as we soon ended up in a small clearing around the remains of a fire joined by four other people, two rangers, the werewolf from yesterday, and someone else (presumably the vampire).

“Who’s this?” I asked, pointing to the stranger.

The werewolf replied. “My partner.”

“Names?” I sighed.

“I’m Edmond, they’re Blake.” The werewolf said shortly.

“What are you doing out here?” I asked.

Edmond raised his eyebrows. “Looking for the fool who bit me. He’s not here, and none of his stuff is here. He probably won’t come back now that he’s not in beast form.”

“Great.” I muttered. “More nothing. Without his belongings we can’t use dogs to track him.”

“Who’d this guy kill again?” Blake asked.

I turned to them. “We don’t know. Some ‘Mike the Magician.’ But, we can’t find any trace that he even existed.”

“That’s because his name isn’t Mike.” They said, and I turned to them in surprise.

“What? You know the guy?”

They waved me off. “Know is a strong word. I met him once, maybe 10 years ago, in a casino. He was cheating, using magic to rig the bets and get a bunch of money.”

“What’s his real name?” I demanded.

“Uh, Blaise, I think. Like I said, I didn’t know him, but he used the pseudonym Mike so that anyone who caught onto him couldn’t follow.” Blake shrugged.

“How do you know his name?” I asked, confused.

They shrugged again. “I asked, he was drunk, he slipped up. Said something like ‘I’m the great Blaise Deermouth how could you not recognize me?’ And then he continued to ramble on about his great exploits as a witch.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” I repeated. “This helps a lot. If we can look into the victim we can figure out who might want him dead.”

Finally, I had something. I called Torres. “Hey Torres, can you look into a Blaise Deermouth. We think that’s our vic.”

“Yeah, of course detective. I’ll call you if I find anything.”

My hands shook, I was trembling all over. I needed to kill. I needed to feed. Every pumping heart was just food. I needed it. I needed it but I don't want to. I don’t want to kill them. I don’t want to kill. I don’t want to kill. I don’t want to kill. I don’t want to. I don’t want to.

But I did. I did and it was wonderful and terrible. He deserved. He killed my family. He cursed me. He needed to die. I needed justice.

Was it justice? The police were justice. I wasn’t police.

It was though. It was justice. Sometimes the police are wrong. Justice. Justice. I was was justice. I was just. I had done the right thing.

Had I?

Did he not deserve a fair trial? Did I not deserve a fair trial?

No. I wasn’t him. I wouldn’t kill again. I only killed for justice.

I needed to kill. I needed to feed. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I wasn’t a murderer.

On the drive back to the station, Torres called again.

“I got something good detective.”

“Hit me with it.” I said, impatient. Finally, something.

“Blaise was arrested just three months ago in a casino for magical manipulation. The person who caught him was a croupier, a dealer, at the casino. Blaise escaped late Thursday night, police are still unsure how.” She paused, but quickly continued. “And guess what? The dealer, he was a werewolf. He may be our killer.”

I suppressed a groan. “That’s a lot of good information torres, but the dealer can’t be our killer. Our guy was freshly turned.”

“Dammit, you’re right.” She groaned. “I thought I was onto something I even found a newspaper article talking about how the dealers family’s house was burned down by an unknown cause. They never found the dealer’s body.”

“Thank you anyways Torres. Can you keep digging to see who else this guy might have pissed off?”

“Course.” She sighed and hung up.

I groaned. Another lead down the drain. And the dealer really seemed like he could be the guy, but of course he couldn’t be.

Blood. Blood everywhere. On my hands. On my face. On my clothes. All over the sidewalk. All over the body.

I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to. I tried not to. I wasn’t him. I wasn’t Blaise. I wasn’t a killer. He was. I wasn’t. I was getting revenge for my family and for myself. He deserved to die. This person didn’t.

I didn’t fight it as the cop shoved me against his car and tightened the wrists around my cuffs. I deserved it. That person shouldn’t have died. I wasn’t a killer. Blaise was justice. They couldn’t connect me. I was a different species. I would get my justice and this person would get theirs. Blaise got his. Did he? Did he really though?

Blake and I were cuddling on the couch watching Criminal Brains on Zetflix, when my phone started ringing. I regretfully had to shift out of my comfortable position to reach my cell phone which was discarded on the coffee table.

“No, let it ring.” Blake complained, grabbing me and holding me to them.

“It might be important.” I told them. “I have to get it.”

“I know.” They groaned. “Fine.” They let me go, and I grabbed my phone, answering it.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Edmond?”

“Yeah?” I answered hesitantly. “Who’s this?”

“Torres, from the police station.”

“How’d you get this number?” I interrupted.

“It’s in your file. The detective wanted me to call and let you know we found a possible suspect. Thought you and your boyfriend-”

“They’re my partner.” I corrected.

“Right, sorry. Your partner might want to come in.”

“Tell the detective thanks. We’ll be right down.” I hung up.

I turned to Blake, who was currently sprawled on the couch. “Sorry, but you have to get up.”

“I know, I know.” They groaned. “Time for head-ripping-off.”

“Unfortunately, that’s slightly illegal so I can’t do that in the middle of a police station.” I sighed with drama. “I guess I missed that chance.”

Blake raised their eyebrow. “Oh no, how will you ever continue?”

“I really have no idea.” I continued, then broke into a laugh. “Come on, let’s go down to the station.”

Why was I in an interrogation room? They had a billion witnesses seeing me kill the dude. They know I did it. Why wasn’t I already in jail.

A detective walked in and sat down across from me, setting a case file down in front of me. “What did you do Kenelm Dark?”

What was her angle? “You know what I did. I didn’t mean too. I didn’t want to.”

“You didn’t want to do what?” She repeated.

“Kill that man.” I finally said, giving in.

She set two pictures in front of me. The first was of the man from a few hours ago and the second was, was Blaise. What? They couldn’t know.

I pointed to the first. “This one of course. The second was killed by a werewolf.”

“We happen to know that Blaise Deermouth was killed by a werewolf who was then turned into a vampire. Judging by your lack of control, you were newly turned.” She said.

I felt the panic growing. They couldn’t take my justice away from me. Was it justice?

“So you just picked any freshly turned vampire off the street, you’re going to need more evidence than that.” I pressed.

“We have some.” She said calmly, as she slid a picture in front of me. It was a picture of a bite pattern. “If you would so kindly show me the bite left by the person who turned you. If you are really innocent then it won’t match.”

I was cornered. They knew. I exploded.

“It was justice.” I spat. “He murdered my whole family, burnt them to the ground. He cursed me. Forced me to be in beast form everyday except the full moon. He escaped scot free, and I lost everything. He deserved to die. What I did was justice. I’ll admit the second man was a mistake and I deserve to go to jail for that, but not the first one. I was getting justice. You fight for justice. Don’t take my justice away from me.”

She hesitated a second before calmly responding. “What you did was not justice. It was wrong. You will have a lot of time to think about that while you’re rotting away in a cell.”

She gathered her papers and walked out of the room. I realized seconds later why. I had given her what she needed, a confession. I was done for. I would be rotting away in a cell.

I rose with an ashy taste in my mouth, and a single-minded goal. I barely spared a glance at the hooded figure next to me as I stood. It was time for revenge. That god-forsaken wolf would die.

I marched out the door, up the stairs, and down the street, ignoring the cires off shock, disgust, and outrage that followed me. I walked to the police station where I stood at the door, my hand raised.

Fire. Fire. Fire.

Fire spewed out my hands and caught onto the building. It quickly spread, fueled by my magic.They would all die, but most importantly that filthy beast.

Blake and I stood, watching through the one-sided glass at the man currently sitting cuffed inside. He looked so weak and frail. I was surprised he was the same beast from friday. But, he had confessed. He had done it. The bite mark they asked me to do, forced him into it. I had to give credit to the detective on that one. It was pretty ingenious.

Blake elbowed me. “I guess you really missed your opportunity. He’s going away for life.”

I shrugged, smiling at them. “I may have, but life in prison is infinitely worse.”

“And how would you know that?” They teased, knowing full well the answer.

I humoured them anyways. “Beleive it or not homosexuality used to be a crime. And my defense of ‘they’re not a male, they’re non-binary’ was apparently not an adequate defense.”

“Apparently.” Blake sighed, grabbing my hand. “Come on, let’s go home. I want to finish that episode.”

“You’ve watched it five times already.” I complained, but let them tug me out of the police station.

“It’s still good.” They defended.

I just smiled, giving into their antics.

[atmilliways]

Are you still doing the prompt thing? If so can you do 46 please?

I am always and forever doing the prompt thing, gentle reader. Sorry for taking so long. 

(prompt meme)

This one is “Nathan, baby.” I’ve actually written something for this before, which you can read here if you like, but here’s something fresh off the top of my brain as well. In other news, this was originally going to be a different pairing, but it, ah… took a turn. In other other news, Skwisgaar is a sex addict and no one is surprised. 

–

When Toki first joined the band, they all figured he was the youngest out of all five of them. He was scrawny, kind of high-voiced, and relentlessly optimistic. It was the natural assumption. Even Toki had thought that. Then it came out — at some point after their new manager had tracked down Toki’s birth certificate and obtained things like a work visa and valid passport on his behalf — that he was born in late March. Which would have been fine. Except… Nathan had been born in May. Of the same year. The jokes were relentless, and there wasn’t really anywhere he could go in their shitty shared apartment to escape them. Doesch baby want hisch bottle?Mine eyes ams older then yours, can you reads what dats say to me?Dood, I’m gonna have ta see some ID before I letcha have this. Yous, kid! Gets off my lawn!You’re the youngescht, you get up and do it. So, whens am you olds enough to drink legalies?Jest call me Grandpa! … Wait, no, don’t do theat. I’m drunk. … Sonny. Nathan hadn’t wanted to strangle a group of guys to death more since he’d made the varsity football team at fourteen and the older boys had singled him out for hazing. And the most unfair part of it all was that when he confronted Offdensen — whose fault all of this obviously was — in his swanky corner office in the nice part of the business district, the guy wouldn’t let him throttle so much as one of the bastards. “We, ah, can’t afford to miss any performances this quarter,” Charles explained patiently, “and, well, giving any of your bandmates a beating might injure their arms or hands, rendering them unable to play. Crystal Mountain won’t appreciate their newest signed band having to postpone their first official tour.”Nathan growled in frustration. Charles raised an eyebrow. “I could… speak to the rest of the guys on your behalf, if you want.”“No! That’ll just make it worse.” Nathan slouched angrily into one of the chairs in front of the desk. “Fuck. Who cares if I’m younger than Toki? It’s only by a month and a half, and I’ve done way more shit than that fucktard. Did you know we had to explain what sex was to him a couple weeks ago? He didn’t even know.”“I see.” Pausing only to jot down a note for later on a post-it, Charles folded his hands and regarded the frontman seriously. Which Nathan appreciated, because Charles wasn’t giving him any crap or just saying something dismissive and waving him off so he could get more work done. “Perhaps it would help to brainstorm some, ah, ways you might demonstrate that being the youngest doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be taken seriously.”Nathan blinked. “Uh… okay. Well… I’m the leader, right? Dethklok is my band.”“Yes, that’s one point,” Charles said. “But that might be a little on the abstract side. Best to play to your strengths, Nathan.” “You just told me I couldn’t punch or tackle anybody!”“First of all, not exactly. I told you not to punch and tackle your band mates in order to facilitate solving this particular problem, at least for now.” Charles inclined his head just a bit. “Secondly, that would be too easy. You are by far in the best physical condition out of anyone in Dethklok — although remind me to have a conversation with you about the results from your most recent liver panel, once this has been resolved.”Maybe it was shallow, but Nathan perked up a little at the compliment, while at the same time tuning out that bit about his liver completely. “You think so?”Charles nodded and steepled his fingers. “Absolutely. Toki is probably the next strongest, but he’s still recovering from the effects of malnutrition and a few other downsides of living on the streets.”Nathan found himself nodding in agreement. “Yeah, he keeps complaining about those rabies shots. I mean, it’s just a shot, why does he have to be such a pussy about it? I wish I were at risk for rabies, fucking brutal…” “Yes, well.” Charles gave him a perfunctory smile. “I wouldn’t know about that. But I hope this little chat has helped and that, ah, we should be able to stay on schedule for the upcoming tour?”It was pretty clear after that that Charles had work he wanted to get done, so Nathan left. He walked back to the apartment, hands in his pockets, idly mulling over some ideas for a song about getting bitten by a bat and turning into a rabid vampire while knowing he probably wouldn’t do anything with it. What Charles had said in his office had made sense to Nathan, at the time. The longer he walked, though, the more dissatisfied he felt. Advice was all well and good, and getting compliments on his physical prowess was a decent bonus, but it didn’t actually settle anything. So he couldn’t actually hurt any of the guys — that was fine, he could figure out some way around that. He just had to beat them at something. Maybe even just one of them. … Toki. Toki was new, the weak link. All Nathan had to do was prove he was the crybaby. Once was probably all it would take to cement that reputation with the rest of the guys forever. When he finally reached the apartment, he was disappointed to see that the van was gone. They’d pooled their money, back before they’d really had any, and bought one of those white vans that only perverts owned — there had been a token effort to repaint the thing black, except they’d put Murderface in charge of getting paint and he’d gotten the wrong kind, so it looked even shittier but in a dull, lumpy kind of way. But the thing still ran, on a good day, and getting it to start usually meant celebrating with a bar crawl. Which was kind of a bummer to be left out of, but Nathan figured that at least it gave him more time to come up with a plan to take Toki down a notch. Maybe if he started scribbling down ideas in his trust notebook, something good would jump out at him. When he let himself into the dingy three-bedroom, he heard something. A soft, rhythmic squeaking. Heavy breathing… Two sets of heavy breathing. Nathan rolled his eyes in annoyance. It wasn’t exactly unusual for Skwisgaar to stay home and invite a skank (or three) over for some fun while the rest of them were out, but he and Nathan shared a room. He knew from experience that whatever the guy had going on in there could take hours. Better to just barge in with his eyes screwed mostly closed to avoid seeing anything that might scar him for life, get his notebook, and get the the hell out. Ideally without tripping over any discarded granny panties like last time. Ugh. Or maybe it would be someone young and actually still hot… It was a toss-up, really. You never knew with Skwisgaar.He put one hand on the doorknob, the other over his eyes, and bellowed, “Skwisgaar, I’m coming in!”Three things happened immediately. Nathan pushed the door open with a little too much emphasis, sending it against the adjoining wall with a bang. It bounced back and he caught it with both hands to keep from getting smacked in the face. Skwisgaar, with a yell of “WAITS,” tried to jump up and lunge for the door, but got his feet tangled in the blanket. He ended up rolling off the bed and landing on the floor with a hard thud. Toki shrieked and grabbed for a pillow to hide his naked chest. For a moment, there was nothing but deep, awkward silence as Skwisgaar picked himself up and sat on the edge of the bed with the blanket covering his lap. “What…” Nathan looked back and forth between the two guitarists, before finally settling his glare on the lead. “… the FUCK, Skwisgaar! What did I fucking tell you? No screwing anyone who’s in the band! That’s how your last seven bands ended up breaking up!”“Knowds I shouldn’t had tells you dat,” the Swede grumbled under his breath. “And you!” Nathan jabbed an accusatory finger in Toki’s direction. “What the hell are you doing, covering yourself up like a damn girl? You don’t have tits!”“Sorries,” Toki squeaked. He did not release his death grip on the pillow, or lower it even slightly. Nathan pinched the bridge of his nose, unconsciously mimicking something his mother had always done whenever she was particularly exasperated with him. “And god, don’t even get me started on how fucking gay this is. This is really going to fuck with the band dynamics.”“Pft, no it won’ts,” Skwisgaar said dismissively. “We’ve already beens fucking for a weeks and none of yous jackoffs notice, no big deals. Besides—” He smirked. “—I don’ts remembers no complaints to suckings yous off dat one times.”Toki’s eyes widened even further, and he stared at the frontman with a cross between nervous solidarity and mild jealousy. Through the roar of blood rushing to his face, Nathan wondered if it was possible to open your eyes so wide that your eyeballs just fell right out of their sockets. “That’s… different,” he mumbled. “We were both really drunk, so it didn’t count. And… I didn’t realize you remembered. That.” Just thinking about it, to his continued embarrassment, sent some of his blood rushing south as well. Drunk or not, that had been a pretty good night. “Well I does, so whats?” Skwisgaar shrugged, his long blond hair clinging slightly to his sweaty skin. Whatever he and Toki had been doing before Nathan had barged in, he must’ve been really into it. “You had never hads your cock sucks by a guy, and little Tokis here never hads sex with anothers porsons evers. Now you both has. No big deals, you don’t gots to be a bigs baby abouts it.”The word baby made Nathan’s eye twitch, and he was one hundred percent sure that was intentional. Part of that insight was gut instinct; the rest was the way Skwisgaar licked his plush lips and winked lasciviously. Nathan knew he was being manipulated, but it was working anyway. By the time he kicked the door closed behind him he already had his sleeveless t-shirt over his head and onto the floor. “Anyones here ever dones de threesome befores?” Skwisgaar asked with a shit-eating grin. “Noes? Well, pays attentions, school ams in session—”Nathan reached the older man’s bed and shoved him down flat on his back, landing across Toki’s lap. That took care of the leer. He straddled Skwisgaar’s hips and barely had to press down to feel his arousal pushing up beneath the blankets. Toki must have seen it too, because he let out a gasp and followed Nathan’s lead, grabbing for Skwisgaar’s wrists to pin his hands above his head. The younger guitarist looked up at Nathan with an earnest puppy dog look. He really just wanted to fit in and be accepted. Nathan, flushed with pleasure at coming out on top in this situation both literally and figuratively, magnanimously gave him a nod of approval before turning the majority of his attention back to the struggling Swede. “You’re not in charge here, Skwisgaar,” Nathan growled, putting more of his weight on him to prevent any real squirming around. He was starting to regret not taking his jeans off yet — what little movement the trapped guitarist could manage was targeted and stimulating — but there would be time for that soon. Right now he had a point to prove. In fact… He’s the weak link, Nathan realized with a feral, triumphant grin. Skwisgaar, not Toki. Of course! Offdensen had even said it, Toki would probably be among the strongest of all of them once the malnutrition wore off. Murderface was borderline scrawny but the guy bounced back from most things like a rubber ball and always had a knife on him, and Pickles was small but scrappy, and claimed to know twenty-two different ways to kill a man with a broken bottle. But Skwisgaar, his default approach to life was fucking. His libido was legendary, but it was also his weak spot. Anyone who’d ever been within fifty feet of him on the rare occasion a girl took off and left him with blue balls knew that. Making him submit would get him and Toki both to shut up about the whole baby thing, and the other two guys would get bored faster if they were the only ones making the jokes. Teeth still bared, Nathan leaned down and nipped at the pale skin connecting Skwisgaar’s neck and shoulder. He felt Skwisgaar suck in a sharp breath under him and, beneath that, Toki’s legs tensing. The kid was wound so tight that, Nathan realized belatedly, his erection was pretty much right in their faces… Time to see how far this situation could be pushed. Skwisgaar’s eyes widened as Nathan grabbed his chin between one thumb and forefinger. That other time they’d messed around, it hadn’t been anything more than straight-to-business pleasure, and he could tell Skwisgaar was wondering if some sort of kiss was about to happen. It was tempting — just to mess with him, of course, of course, what kind of guy would Nathan be if he admitted to himself that kissing was more than just a means to get ladies to agree to have sex — but no. He turned the blond’s mouth towards Toki and gruffly ordered, “Suck it.” And although Skwisgaar rolled his eyes, his pupils dilated at the command, and he did as he was told. Toki’s head hit the shitty plywood headboard with a thunk. Fuck, Nathan thought as he watched Skwisgaar go to town, rolling into the task with gusto. He really, really wishing he’d taken his jeans off earlier. Last time he hadn’t exactly been in a position to, you know, watch, but he remembered how good those lips had felt.

Nathan scrambled back up onto his knees on the edge of the bed and yanked on his zipper so hard it nearly came off, but holy shit it was a relief. For a moment he got lost in just watching and just palming himself through the front of his tented boxers, but then Toki whimpered. What a baby, Nathan thought, and that reminded him of the increasingly forgettable point of all this. He scrambled off the bed to shuck both his pants and boxers in one go, and sat next to Toki at the head of the bed. Skwisgaar was kind of in the way, but Nathan just threw his legs over the guy and used his bony-ass hip as a leg rest. Then he grabbed the rhythm guitarist’s hand and shoved it towards his cock.

The hand gripped, and Nathan groaned. In this, it seemed, Toki needed little to no instruction, presumably because he’d been practicing this particular activity on himself for longer than he’d known what to call it. No willing to be outdone, a second later Skwisgaar’s hand was there too, taking over any of Nathan’s length that needed attention. The frontman even couldn’t muster any shits to give when Toki’s head thumped down on his shoulder, mouth turning wetly against his skin to muffle the squeaky little sounds that Skwisgaar was wringing out of him, or when Skwisgaar started grinding against the backs of his thighs. It felt too good, too warm, too temporary to bother with second thoughts, and he really hadn’t ever had a threesome before.

Maybe this was something to look into doing more often… With, uh, chicks, of course. Obviously. It didn’t take long after that. Toki came with a choked cry into Nathan’s hair, his grip spasming just right to bring Nathan to the edge but disengaging as he slumped bonelessly in the other direction. Nathan growled and groped blindly until he found a handful of blonde hair and tugged Skwisgaar’s obliging mouth over to finish. He felt immensely pleased with himself for managing to turn an otherwise aggravating day around, with very little resistance or backtalk from the other two men. That was real leadership. Nathan’s last thought before he went over the edge was that if anyone was a big gay baby it was probably Skwisgaar, for being so into sucking cock. And for swallowing both times. And getting off to it into his own hand. Nathan waited a few minutes to get his breath back, then languorously got to his feet. He surveyed the battlefield of tangled sheets, strewn pillows, and sweaty, limp guitarists with a warm glow of dominance and superiority, then left without comments to take a shower. It wasn’t until he was under the hot spray and working some 2-in-1 shampoo into his hair that he realized, none of them had the excuse of alcohol to hide behind. He’d been basically sober — at least, as sober as anyone who’s breakfast had consisted of beer and potato chips could be — and he hadn’t smelled anything particularly strong on Skwisgaar or Toki’s breaths. So what did that mean? Shit, what if it happened again?After a moment of silent contemplation, Nathan shrugged and continued washing. As far as he was concerned, his problem was solved. Everyone would still be able to play for the tour, so Offdensen would be pleased, even though this probably hadn’t been what he’d had in mind when advising Nathan to use strength to his advantage. And however things went from this point, he sure as hell wasn’t going to let it fuck up his band.

[killjoy-loveit]

Hack This Part 10

A/N: You may or may not know the drill by now, but here it is anyways: this is in 1st POV (like my other stuff), I hope it will be 10 parts (if it isn’t I will make it very clear), and I would also like to clarify that everything written in this story is complete fiction. I didn’t proofread this or have someone else go over it like I typically do, so as mistakes are found I will edit it. Sorry for the long wait, I lost inspiration for this story for some reason but I managed to gain some back to finish it.

Summary: Reina devises a plan to get them both out from the boss’ influence.

Word Count: 3, 952

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

Bonus Scene

***Warning violence and gore?

    Finally, it was done. I had accumulated the necessary funds to free Z from this life, to erase the debt that bound him to the mafia. All that was left to do was actually get it to the boss, with the message of what the money was for. That was going to be the hardest part. There was no way Z would be let go willingly, even if his family’s debt was cleared. They would try to find anything else to get him to stay, threaten him, or kill him if they couldn’t convince him to stay. He needs to disappear once I do this. He won’t ever get to stay in one place again, he’ll be on the run for the rest of his life. This is something that I can do only with his permission.

    Hesitantly I step out of my room into the living area, immediately spotting Z slouched over on the couch. I know he wants to be free of this life, but I’m not sure how he’ll react knowing that he finally has an out. Treading softly I make my way over to him, plopping down beside him on the couch. He smiles widely at me, wrapping an arm around me to pull me in close.

    “What’s with the face?” Z questions, muting the show on the tv.

    I bite my lip, looking away from him for a second before the words come tumbling from my lips. “I did it. There’s enough money to clear your family’s debt.”

    “What?” He asked, freezing.

    “I put my hacking to use and gathered enough money to clear your debts. The only problem being is I need your permission to go through with it and send it in to the boss because when I do it, you’re going to have to run. I don’t believe that he’ll-.” I get cut off by his lips on mine.

    It was a brief, almost chaste kiss, one that showed his excitement and gratitude. But it also showed that he’d stopped listening about halfway through. With a gentle push, I moved him away from me, earning a confused look.

    “It might help if you actually listened and let me finish speaking before you celebrate, Z. This isn’t going to be what you might expect, you know, finally being out of their grasp.”

    “What do you mean?”

    “I mean there’s no way they’re going to let you go without a fight! Before I even send in the money, you need to be gone, completely disappeared. A new identity, new appearance, new everything. There’s no telling what they’d try to do to have you stay. So, before I do anything, I need your decision.” My words seemed to stunt the excitement that had been building in his eyes, causing it to fade away.

    “What about you?” He asked quietly.

    I furrowed my brows at his question. “What about me?”

    “In all of this planning about how I need to disappear, you never mentioned anything about you other than sending the money in. Where are you planning to be when all of this goes down?”

    I sigh quietly, wishing he hadn’t asked that question. Although knowing him, it was almost inevitable and I really should’ve seen it coming. “I… Have to stay behind. Both of us can’t just disappear, someone needs to be here to maintain a cover. I have to make sure you can get out safely.”

    Z jumps to his feet, looking at me like I just said the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. “No! There’s no way in hell I’m letting you do that, Reina. I won’t leave you behind, we leave together or we stay. There is no splitting up. If you think something could happen to me for trying to leave, what do you think they’d do to you for helping me?”

    “I don’t care.”

    “Reina, what the fuck? How could you say that? I care about what happens to you, how could you even think I wouldn’t?”

    “It’s not that I didn’t think you’d care, I was more hoping you wouldn’t ask.” I mutter, looking away from his searing gaze.

    Z scoffs at my response. “You didn’t really think I was that dense did you?”

    “No, Z, I don’t think you’re dense. I just… I didn’t want you to realize I wasn’t part of the plan. I knew you wouldn’t agree to it, but there’s no other way.”

    “There’s got to be another way. Nothing’s happening until we find a way for both of us to get out.”

    Z meant what he said. Nothing happened for weeks, at least, not in regards to getting out from under the thumb of the mafia. Life carried on as it had been, what with Z going back to do work for the boss. It felt like no progress had been made and we were just back to existing. Except this time I knew there was a way out, and it was killing me not to do anything. There was nothing I hated more than feeling like I was at a stand-still, or trapped. Essentially that’s what the situation had become. We were trapped, unable to think of a plan that could free both of us.

    Each plan we came up with was flawed, in such a way that only one of us could safely make it out alive. Of course Z preferred to stay right where we were if it meant I’d be safe, this did not suit me at all though. He thought I didn’t see it- the pain in his eyes, the hatred he felt for himself burning like an all-consuming fire. This pain, this hate, was brought on by the work he was forced to do. Everytime he came back, sometimes with little bits of blood on his clothes, I could tell how much he abhorred it. There was only so much I could do, short of turning in the entire operation to the authorities, which Z wouldn’t let me do.

    His rationale is that we have friends within that are doing good things. To a point I can agree with him, as I’ve gone through the files so I know that the majority of people taken out have done some despicable things. But this also raises the question of what makes this group any different from those they kill? Are they better because they only kill those deserving of it? If so then that brings up that, by their own logic, eventually they too will be taken out due to their misdeeds and criminal actions.

    But I’ve had enough of our run-around conversations, I don’t want more excuses for why we can’t do something. I need action to be taken before I lose my mind doing such menial tasks and remaining stagnant. I came up with a plan over the past few days that could manage to get us both out safely, albeit a few potential risk factors linger. Simplified, the idea is to get him out before I send the money in, afterwards I wait a day or so then cause a distraction that would allow me to escape and meet up with Z.

    Storming out of my room, I make my way to Z’s, where I know he’s probably conked out but I can’t stay quiet anymore. “Z!” I yell out in front of his door, slamming my hand on the wood a few times for effect.

    It takes a minute for him to reach and open the door, during which I hear him clambering and bumping into things. “Yes?” He blinks slowly, reaching a hand up to rub at his eyes.

    “I can’t do this anymore. Either you agree to this new idea or I will turn in the entire organization to the authorities- friends and all.”

    Even tired as he was from being abruptly pulled from sleep, he understood my threat instantly, causing his eyes to widen. “What?”

    “You heard me.”

    “Well then tell me the plan I have to agree to.”

    I explained it to him in detail. It’s a lot like my original plan, where I stay behind only this time I create a diversion of some kind to drag their focus off me so that I have adequate time to escape. Throughout the explanation I could tell he wanted to protest, but he apparently decided to hold all of his objections in until the end. Leading to him to all but explode at me once I finished my final sentence.

    “That plan has too many holes, Reina and you are completely aware of that! Firstly, there’s no guarantee they’ll even let you close enough to a computer so that you could set up a distraction. Then you’re also assuming they’ll leave you completely guardless once your diversion takes effect, which they won’t. If you thought there’s no way they’ll let me go without a fight, I know there’s not a chance in hell they’ll let you live if they can’t have you.”

    “I can’t live like this! Something needs to be done. You remember my threat, so it’s either this or the whole operation. Choose, Z.” I state, raising my voice to denote my anger at this situation.

    “Fine, I’ll go along with your stupid plan but the second something goes wrong it’s canned.”

    “No. Either you go with this to the end and trust me, or I turn everyone in.”

    Z ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “Fuck! Fine, Reina, have it your way.”

    “Good. Tomorrow we start setting everything up.” I respond, effectively ending the conversation.

    It didn’t take more than a few days to set everything up. Fake IDs and passports were acquired easily, as well as plane tickets to get us both out of dodge. Z’s hair was cut and dyed, he also had to get rid of his piercings and gather a new wardrobe. Other than leaving me behind, that was the other part of the plan he disliked, claiming that the clothes I chose were “boring and lame”. My rebuttal was that boring and lame blends in to the crowd, and that’s exactly what we needed. With everything ready, there was nothing holding us back from setting the plan into motion.

    But Z was still putting up a bit of a fight. “I just don’t want to leave you here, you could get hurt.”

    I sighed and shook my head at him. “I’ll be fine, but you will get hurt, by me, if you don’t leave now. I already set a time for the money to be delivered electronically a few hours from now, and if you aren’t out of here soon you won’t have enough time to disappear and could ruin the entire plan.”

    “Alright, alright. But I hope you know if you aren’t at the airport, I will wage war to get to you.” He said, voice wavering with emotion.

    “I’m aware, now go.” I murmur, lightly pushing him forward.

    With a chaste kiss as his parting, he finally left. Now all I had to do was wait. This would be the boring part, seeing as I’d already set up a program in advance to detect when his face was caught on security cameras and erase the footage immediately. The program was completely untraceable and practically invisible, which would allow him to move freely without fear of being caught digitally. Hours passed by slowly, my heart rate not lowering a bit due to the anxiousness I was experiencing. Thirty minutes past the time the money was sent, a knock sounded at the door. It was time for me to start lying.

    I opened the door quickly, seeing no point in trying to drag out the inevitable. The boss barged in with numerous men behind him, and two people I recognized: Jongup and Noah. I wasn’t expecting to see them, so I was slightly thrown off when the first question came at me.

    “Where is he?”

    “What?” I asked, turning my head to find the person who’d asked the question.

    “Where is Z?” The nameless guy rephrased and stepped forward in what I suppose was meant to be an intimidating manner.

    “I don’t know.”

    The guy cracked his knuckles stepping forward once more, towering over me. “That’s a lie.”

    I glanced at Noah briefly, her face was blank, completely devoid of emotion. “I truly don’t know where he is.”

    No one believed this response, thus when the boss spoke it came as no shock to me. “Take her and search the apartment.”

    With that command two guys with muscles obnoxiously large grabbed me by each arm and practically dragged me out of the apartment. I was shoved into a large dark vehicle and both men took a seat on either side of me to prevent an escape. The time in which I waited allowed me to think through why Jongup and Noah had been brought along. Obviously they were closest to him, aside from myself, so the boss must have figured they’d be useful in this situation. All I know is that if they reveal anything, I will destroy them- friends or not.

    It wasn’t long before the boss and another man got into the vehicle with us and it was set in motion. I knew where we were going, it was clear based on the way each man had his shoulders set stiffly. They were mentally preparing themselves for something, which leads me to believe that either they’re going to torture me to reveal information on Z’s whereabouts or torture me until I agree to track him. This option revelation wasn’t too shocking to me, I’d prepared myself for this. After a certain point in the torture process, I was going to agree to track him- I could plant a false lead that would make everyone run off to catch him, allowing me the perfect chance to run.

    Once we reached the warehouse I’d been to once before, I was ever so gracefully removed from the car. Being dragged through hallways I had already deemed cold and oddly clean from my previous visit was a new experience, one I wasn’t too fond of. I kept my eyes trained ahead of me, occasionally making eye contact with people we passed on our way. Unsurprisingly, they took me up the stairs to the room Z had been tortured in. The scene was about to be recreated, only with a substitution as the person being beaten.

    As the boss made his way over to an ornate chair that screamed of its importance, he asked me the question I’d been asked a mere hour prior. “Where is he?”

    My answer remained the same. “I don’t know.”

    The boss was expecting this of course and with a simple wave of his hand, one of the brutes beside me slammed his fist into my ribs. “Do you have anything to say?”

    I shook my head, glaring at his confident expression. A slightly different hand motion gained me a flurry of hits, each with a significant impact which would have cause me to fall if one of the men hadn’t stepped forward and held me up. This cycle continued, blow after blow landing in attempts to make me talk. I didn’t budge, even after they started using spiked brass knuckles. Each new blow resulted in ripped skin and fabric, leaving my shirt in tatters. A small pool of my blood was beginning to form on the floor below me, to the point I could see my reflection in it. Tears began to flow from my face against my will, joining the puddle of blood.

    “Now do you have anything you want to share?” The boss asked, a leering grin present on his face.

    I glared at him, my hate of him shining through my eyes. “I don’t know where he is.”

    His hand raised immediately to get the men to continue their abuse, but my voice had him freeze. “But I can help you track him, just stop, please.”

    “This is… Unexpected. Fine, they’ll stop. Though I can’t expect you could track him in your current state. You’ll get some basic care by the doctors downstairs, and an hour or so of rest. Then you will find him for me.”

    The boss stayed true to his word, and maybe three hours later after being fixed up and having two hours of restless sleep, I was sat in front of a computer. Time for me to start the diversion. Normally, I’d have no trouble creating a false trail, even while being watched, but my brain wasn’t letting me focus. Everything was distracting me, and time was ticking by faster and faster. The code in front of me blurred together as my head throbbed. I ran my hands through my hair in annoyance, I need to get this done. I can’t let them find him, and he will come after me if I don’t manage to get out of here- which could lead to his death. That can’t happen.

    With a new sense of urgency and determination, my hands fly over the keyboard, typing furiously. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything so fast in my life, but I went over it multiple times, checking for errors that could be deadly. A small smile came to my face as I found it was free of mistakes, this was it. It’s go time.

    “I found him.” The lie passed my lips with ease.

    Two hours later the warehouse was devoid of most people. So many people were taken as they had taken the bait that Z had decided to hole up with a rival of theirs, and they needed to prepare for a fight to get to him. Of course this wasn’t true and I’d just led them to start a full-on war. To my surprise the boss only left one man to guard me, though he was the beefiest looking brute from what I could tell. Now I had to disarm him and get out.

    I stood up quietly, my voice soft as I spoke. “Could- could I lay down somewhere? I feel faint.”

    The man nodded as I made my way over to him. When he turned around to lead me from the small room we were in, I stumbled into him apologizing profusely as my hand freed his gun from the holster on his hip. Without hesitation I pressed the barrel of the gun against the back of his head.

    “I know there’s got to be a spare vehicle around here, tell me where.”

    He froze, caught completely by surprise at the gun pressed against his head. “There’s a garage near where we brought you in, a lot of vehicles around there along with keys.” He choked out.

    The boss may have chosen the strongest guy to keep watch over me, but he also chose the stupidest. I averted my gaze from him because of what I was about to do. I pulled the trigger, and felt his blood spray back on my face as the shot rang out. His body hit the floor with a dull thud and ran. I sprinted through the halls, quickly making my way back to where I’d been brought in. Minutes later I found the garage, eerily I hadn’t even run into anybody.

    Hooks lined the wall by the door, keys dangling from each one. My hand shook as I reached out and grabbed the first one I saw. I pressed the unlock button on the key fob and watched as a small nondescript car lit up. Before rushing over to the car I hit the button on the wall beside the keys to open the garage. My heart pounded as I put the car in reverse and sped out of there. I was surprised that no one had come to investigate the shot, I knew there were still people in the building. It almost felt too easy, but I can’t worry about that now. I need to get somewhere to clean myself off so that I can get to the airport to meet Z.

    A small gas station twenty minutes from the warehouse is where I stopped. The gun I had taken from the guard tucked into the back of my jeans, the safety on of course. I tried to keep my hair covering my face, but it was difficult seeing as I have relatively short hair. Inside the gas station I was greeted by a cool blast of air which managed to make me shiver as I made my way to the bathrooms. As expected of a gas station bathroom it was a little shoddy, but I made do. It took five minutes of scrubbing to get all the blood off my face and out of my hair. Through the speckled mirror I could tell I looked haggard, my eyes were red and my skin dull.

    Relief surged through me as the thought that we were almost free entered my mind. I just had to make it to the airport where Z was waiting for me. A fresh burst of adrenaline surged through my veins making the exhaustion I was feeling almost nonexistent. All I had to do was get to him. That’s the only thing, and then we’d disappear.

    People were rushing about the airport when I arrived, everyone bumping into each other without a care as they raced to their destination. I scanned the crowd, looking for Z, who despite being quite tall was appearing difficult to find. I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt a hand land on my shoulder, and my heart raced in my chest as I turned to face whoever it was. As I laid eyes on the person, my pulse calmed and I let out the breath I’d been holding.

    “You were almost late.” Z complained. “Let’s go.”

    After I changed, we made our way through security, joining the large crowd of people trying to rush through. I kept feeling like it was too easy as we moved through the airport to our flight departure gate. I’m certain that my heart won’t stop racing until we’re on that plane and it’s taken off. While I recognized that Z and I blended in seamlessly, I still was afraid that we stood out, what with our height difference. Maybe we should have taken separate flights. That would have been safer, and would turn less eyes if anyone managed to recognize one of us. Though now it’s too late and I also don’t think that Z would have gone along with that, seeing as how he barely let me stay behind in the first place.

    “You need to give her your ticket.” Z murmured, lightly pushing me forward.

    I smiled at the attendant and handed her my ticket and passport. With a quick check she verified the ticket and my passport and waved me through, though I did stand and wait for Z to get passed too. Walking the ramp onto the plane eased my anxiety, we’re almost out. At our seats, as I tried to put my bag in the overhead compartment, my shirt rode up revealing bandaged skin. Z’s hand shot out, tracing the edges of the bandages.

    “You didn’t tell me.” He whispered.

    I sighed, giving up on my attempt to put my bag up, handing it to him before sitting down. “It wasn’t urgent.”

    Z scoffed at my words as he quickly shoved both of our bags into the overhead compartment. “That doesn’t matter, you still should have told me. How bad is it?”

    “Well, let’s just say I’m going to need a lot of help once the adrenaline leaves my system.”

[hydrospanners]

filling the table They have a saying back on Corellia that the only way you can ever really know a man is by taking his credits. They also have a saying that you should never play cards with a Corellian because Corellians always cheat, but she's betting Doc never heard that one. SWTOR. F!Jedi Knight x Doc. 1800 words. AO3.

Filling the table: In some rare occasions, a round of pazaak could be won if a player could place 9 cards on the table without busting.

 It’s well after lights out when Rea wanders into the mess, her fingers tapping out a nervous rhythm against her thighs. The base is like a graveyard at this hour, dark as a black hole and damn near as quiet. With the generators offline for the night, there’s no sound but the distant echo of blaster fire and the rumble of answering explosives. It’s fucking unsettling. She’s too used to the not-quite-quiet of ships and stations and cities. Too used to the hum and tick of machinery, to the murmur of distant voices, to the sounds of life.

 This quiet makes her skin crawl. It’s got her itching to go somewhere, to do something, but there’s nowhere to go and nothing useful to do. Not at night. The Imps have eyes everywhere on this planet. Too much movement, the slightest pinprick of light… The last thing Rea needs is to draw an air raid down on the only people who can get her that stupid fucking prototype.

 At this hour, after a day like this one, she’s expecting to find the mess empty. She figures the Resistance will be tucked away in their drab little cots, dreaming of better days. When she spots the figure settled at a table in the center of the room, she almost turns around and walks right back out--she’s not really in the mood for another lecture on duty and ethics and the moral bankruptcy of the Republic--but then she sees the outline of a familiar mustache in the dim glow of a datapad screen.

 That changes things.

 Rea finds herself smiling as she settles onto the bench across from the doctor, pushing away the empty packets of energy pudding he seems to be eating direct from the wrapper. She’s never minded much about the taste of her food, but even her stomach protests the thought of that. Poor bastard needs it, though. She hasn’t seen him since their meeting with Warren, but the dark circles under his eyes tell her he’s been keeping himself entertained. No shortage of work for a doctor in a combat zone.

 At least one of them has something to do.

 “Long night, Doc?”

 “Is it night?” He asks, looking up from his datapad to toss her a tired smile. He starts to turn back to whatever he’s reading when he freezes, looking at her again like he’s just realized she’s there. His whole demeanour shifts to something more open and relaxed. “Time really flies when you’re having fun, Gorgeous, and we had a lot of fun today.”

 “Don’t know a lot of people who think of ‘exit, pursued by colicoid’ as a good time.”

 “Anything’s a good time when you’re in good company,” he says, waggling his eyebrows in a way that would be ridiculous on anyone else. Actually, it’s ridiculous on him too, but ridiculous works for Doc.

 “Smooth,” Rea laughs, then gestures at the datapad in his hand. “Not interrupting, am I?”

 Doc drops the datapad like a hot rock. “What could be more important than talking to a beautiful woman?”

  So predictable. Rea tries not to smile too much as she whips out a deck of cards from her belt pouch and starts to shuffle. His eyes follow the movement of her finely-sculpted arms with open appreciation. “You ever play pazaak?” She asks.

 “My gran used to make me play with her. Hosted a game twice a week. She liked to sneak brandy in her tea and make me listen to her friends go on about how great things were before the Mandalorian Wars. Which, coincidentally,” Doc draws his attention away from her exquisite musculature to give her a significant look, “is the last time anyone under eighty played pazaak.”

 He’s been teasing her about her ‘advanced age’ ever since Kira mentioned, absolutely deliberately, that Rea’s a year older than him. The difference can’t be more than a few months, but that hasn’t stopped the torrent of old lady jokes she’s been taking from both of them all day.

 She rolls her eyes, but doesn’t bother arguing. “You a betting man, Doc?”

 “Only when I gamble,” he says. “You?”

 "I'm Corellian," Rea grins. "What do you think?"

 Four hands later, she’s fifty credits richer and Doc is rooting around in his pocket for something to scribble another IOU on. She knows he’ll never make good on it, but Rea’s happy to accept his empty promises if it keeps him playing the game. She’s overdue for a bit of fun.

 Doc watches her curiously as she deals the fifth hand. “So where’d you learn to play? You can tell me they teach pazaak in Jedi school, but I’m not gonna believe you.”

 Rea shoots him an amused look. “Jedi school?”

 “Gotta learn Jedi stuff somewhere, don’t you?”

 She almost wishes Rhese was here, if only to see the shade of violet he’d turn at hearing a decade’s worth of finely-honed skills reduced to ‘Jedi stuff’. “Afraid you’re asking the wrong Jedi. I never went to school.” Even if she had, she wouldn’t have lasted long. Rea’s always had a complicated relationship with structure. And rules.

 “You never went to school?” He gives her a piercing look that quickly shifts from skeptical to horrified when she shakes her head. “ Any school? Not even before the Jedi?”

 “Not all of us can be delicate Core flowers, Doc.”

 Doc raises a brow. “Core flower, huh? You been checking up on me, Gorgeous?”

 She can almost hear Ranna in the back of her mind, giving her that old familiar warning. Everyone will betray you if you give them the chance . She used to worry so much about Rea, about how freely she talked and how careless she was about who listened. She was always warning her to watch her back and keep her mouth shut. Always smiling that bittersweet smile, telling her ‘ you can’t trust anything in this life but family, Turhaya.’

 She’d been wrong about that, of course. You can’t trust family either.

 “I know money when I see it,” Rea tells him, which is true. She learned to read a mark before she learned to read her own name. She doesn’t mention she’s also had Teeseven mining the holonet for information about him since they got back to base. He hasn’t found much so far--a birth certificate, transcripts, a few publications in medical journals--and she can’t decide if that’s promising or alarming. People with posh backgrounds like Doc’s aren’t usually so mysterious.

 He snorts. “Glamorous as it is, working for the Resistance doesn’t actually pay that well.”

 She’d be surprised if it paid at all. “Lucky you’ve got that trust fund for hard times.”

 His brow sails nearly up into his hairline. He seems more impressed than angry, which is encouraging for the plans Rea hadn’t realized she was forming until just now. “You really have been checking up on me.”

 “Just a guess actually,” she grins, “but thanks for confirming. I’ll remember that when it’s time to call these in.” She gestures to the half-dozen IOUs in the pot.

 “And what else have you ‘just guessed’ about me?”

 “Well…” Rea folds her arms over her cards, leaning forward on her elbows. “Aside from how much you like to talk about yourself--”

 “There’s a lot to say.”

 “--you’re from the Core, but I’m guessing somewhere more focused on creds and culture than politics. Somewhere on the Perlemian, probably. How am I doing?”

 “Ralltiir,” he confirms. “And I’m halfway to impressed. What else?”

 “You’re good and you know it, so you’d only have gone to a good school. Coruscant probably, cause it’s the best of the best, and you took to medicine like light to a black hole. You had to be talented to finish school early even after blowing all that time in the underbelly of Galactic City. I’m guessing that’s where you got the notion to do this--” she gestures to the darkened Resistance base around them “--with all that fancy education of yours.”

 The shrewd look he gives her tells her she hit the nail right on the head. She resists the urge to high five herself. “Are you fucking with me, Gorgeous? Or were all those banthashit stories about Jedi reading minds actually true?”

 Rea laughs. “I’m no mind-reader, Doc. Not saying it can’t be done--Force shit’s weird--but it’s not my kinda Force shit. All I ever learned were the punching bits.”

 Doc’s expression says he doesn’t quite believe her, but he doesn’t push. Rea starts to suspect he might actually be as smart as he thinks he is. “So if it’s not a Force trick, where’d you learn it?”

 She shrugs. “Wasn’t always a Jedi.”

 “Don’t they pluck you people straight from the cradle?”

 “They made an exception for me. Not even the Jedi could resist all this.” Rea grins, gesturing to herself with a careless sweep of her hands as she leans back to give Doc a better view of everything the Jedi couldn’t resist. He accepts the invitation eagerly, eyes roving every inch of her he can see in the dark.

 “Can’t say I blame ‘em, Beautiful.”

 Rea smirks, pleased by the hungry way he’s looking at her. Every nerve ending in her body is sparking to life, tingling with anticipation. She hasn’t had a chance like this in weeks, and now that there’s a familiar, delicious heat starting to build inside her, Rea’s skin is practically itching with impatience. She’s never been shy about chasing what she wants, but she forgot how good it feels to have what she wants chasing her .

 How many hours did you have to know someone before you could ask them to fuck you on a table?

 She opens her mouth to ask Doc for his opinion, but two sharp beeps from her holocomm kill the words on her tongue. Warren’s ID flashes red across the screen.

 The heat in her veins couldn’t have vanished faster if she was streaking through a blizzard on Hoth.

 “You should get some rest,” Rea sighs, sweeping the pazaak cards into her palm in one smooth motion. “I’ve got a feeling I’ll be collecting on those IOUs sooner than later.” And not in the way I wanted , she thinks dismally.

 But maybe there’ll be a chance for that later.

 If she’s very lucky, and if she does her job very well, then maybe they’ll both make it out of this thing alive. Maybe Balmorra will be more-or-less in one piece. And maybe, just maybe, she’ll have time before the next crisis to show the doctor everything she had planned for that table.

[zenonaa]

Chapters: 4/? Fandom: Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Fukawa Touko/Togami Byakuya, Fukawa Touko/Togami Byakuya/Kirigiri Kyouko, Fukawa Touko/Kirigiri Kyouko, Kirigiri Kyouko/Togami Byakuya (Dangan Ronpa) Characters: Togami Byakuya, Fukawa Touko, Kirigiri Kyouko Additional Tags: Togami Kijou, Togami Shinobu - Freeform, Naegi Makoto - Freeform, Yukizome Chisa - Freeform, past Maizono Sayaka/Kirigiri Kyouko, Later chapters are e-rated, mentions of csa, au where despair didn't happen and junko was content, with leaving the fridge open and moving things slightly everyday, Genocider Syo - Freeform, Chisa Yukizome - Freeform

Summary: Togami hires Kirigiri to solve a mass murder that occurred at his wedding anniversary party. One hitman was apprehended, but he refuses to say a single word, while the other got away. The mastermind could be anyone, but the list of suspects is getting shorter, and Kirigiri finds herself learning more about the Togamis than she anticipated.

“Hello?”

“Is this Anastazja Togami?”

“Who is this?”

“I’m Kyouko Kirigiri.”

“Who?”

Kyouko, sitting on the short edge of her bed with her notebook and pen on her lap, shifted her position a little, but she didn’t become much more comfortable on the soft mattress.

“First, please confirm your identity,” said Kyouko, holding her phone to her ear.

The voice on the other end of the phone huffed.

“I am Anastazja Togami. You got through to my personal phone, somehow.”

“Thank you.” Kyouko carded her hair with her fingers. “A member of staff gave it to me. I’m the detective assigned to the case of the mass murder at your son and daughter-in-law’s anniversary party.”

“What is it that you want?” Anastazja clicked her tongue. “I sent you a witness statement via email. Did you delete it without reading it?”

“I read it,” said Kyouko with professional patience, “but that’s not exactly what I’m calling about.”

A pause.

“How well did you know the victims?” asked Kyouko.

The next pause was longer.

“I’ve met them,” stated Anastazja tersely.

“Enough to talk about the sort of people they were like?”

“Hm.”

Kyouko didn’t know what that meant.

“Is that a yes or a no?” she asked Anastazja.

A third pause.

“I could talk about them,” said Anastazja.

“Is now a good time?” asked Kyouko. She picked up her pen from between the exposed pages in her notebook and readied it to write. “Also, if you have any photographs of them, I would like to see them too.”

“I don’t understand how this is meant to help you with your investigation. Didn’t these dead people have families? They’d be able to provide you with more information.”

“I have spoken to them, but I was hoping to get another perspective, as well as ask you more about what happened at the party,” said Kyouko. She rolled her shoulders and her neck. “And there is another reason I wish to talk to you - I have a request. Would you be able to send me any photographs of the victims?”

“Look,” said Anastazja, raising her voice a bit, “I tell you what. This Thursday, I can come over in person, and we can talk face-to-face and I’ll bring what I have.”

Kyouko blinked. “Really?”

“What do you mean, ‘really’? I just said I would. If we’re going to have an interview, I don’t want to do it over the phone, and I don’t want to send anything else in text where who knows who can read it. Besides, I think I would like to examine you. So, this Thursday at noon, all right?”

“That’s fine. Tha-”

Anastazja hung up. Kyouko lowered her phone and stared at the screen. Evening was a tired blue outside.

***

“Kyouko Kirigiri...”

The word slushed around between Anastazja’s cheeks as she tasted it.

“Yes,” said Kyouko, seated at Byakuya’s desk but interviewing a different Togami this time. “That’s me.”

Blonde hair, blue eyes, a sharp nose and dressed formally, in appearance, Anastazja resembled her son greatly. She lacked his staple white glasses though, and her makeup consisted of a lot of nude tones with the exception of her lips. Those were pink.

“So you’re that woman,” said Anastazja, whatever she meant by that. “The former Super High School Level Detective.”

Anastazja’s frown deepened, and she drummed a finger against her armrest.

“Please stand up,” said Anastazja.

“Pardon?” asked Kyouko.

“Stand up. Just for a few moments.”

Kyouko gave her a puzzled look but complied.

“Spin,” said Anastazja, twirling her finger, and Kyouko allowed Anastazja a complete view of herself. Anastazja’s finger became still with the rest of her as she seemingly studied Kyouko, who only completed one circle. Some seconds later, Anastazja said, “You may sit now.”

So Kyouko did.

“167 centimetres, about 50 kilograms. Your chest is about 80 centimetres,” said Anastazja.

“That’s all correct,” said Kyouko with a slight nod of her head, keeping her eyes on Anastazja.

“Your body mass index is roughly the same as Byakuya’s wife. Far too low.” Anastazja curled her lips. Kyouko pulled a faint grimace that Anastazja paid no notice of. “So, anyway, Detective, if you’re supposedly the very best in your field, why is it that more than a month and a half has passed yet you haven’t made any real progress?”

“I was assigned to this case less than three weeks ago,” Kyouko pointed out. In that time, she had gone through countless witness statements, examined the crime scene and evidence, requested and carried out interviews and visited where the conglomerate were keeping the captured gunman, though she hadn’t been able to extract any information out of him as he refused to say a single word.

Anastazja clucked her tongue.

“If I had been contacted earlier,” started Kyouko, only for Anastazja to raise a hand and interrupt.

“That’s nothing to do with me. Kijou had certain criteria in mind for who he would allow to take charge of the case, and after everyone involved was paid off, Byakuya needed to form a convincing argument to persuade the conglomerate to authorise your employment.” Anastazja dropped her elevated hand to her lap. “That takes time.”

Kijou was the name of Byakuya’s father.

Kyouko quirked her brow. “Paid off?”

“You know, the families of the victims, members of the press, guests...” Anastazja lifted her hand again and waved it. “They all needed to be persuaded to keep hushed about what happened.”

“Why?”

“Why? What sort of message would this send out?” snapped Anastazja. “People getting assassinated... Bad publicity. Bad reputation. Bad image. Too much attention. There are some unrelated things that we wouldn’t want unearthed during an investigation.”

“Like what?” asked Kyouko.

Anastazja crossed one leg over the other, laying eye contact on thick.

“Secret documents... Certain police reports... Certain ledgers... Top secret projects...” None which Kyouko saw while in the storage room. Those must have been kept elsewhere. “The Togami Conglomerate is one of the entities that control the world. Everyone, people like you, are puppets. Not just anyone can breeze in here. They’ll happen upon things that ordinary people are not ready for.”

She leaned forward and laced her fingers together into a ball over her chest. At no point had Anastazija smiled, and she didn’t smile now either. The smell of her perfume became stronger, honey mixed with various flowers accords. Maybe powdery iris. Most of the time, Kyouko didn’t bother with perfume, but Sayaka had been an expert.

“Now, Kirigiri, as you ought to know, the shooter who they caught had someone else’s ID on him,” said Anastazja. “A trusted supplier who couldn’t attend because he was in America at the time. What sort of people would hire hitmen to infiltrate a party?”

Kyouko focused. “A rival company?”

“Maybe,” said Anastazja. Her eyes narrowed above her aquiline nose. “Maybe they weren’t hitmen, but came of their own accord, with their own agenda.”

“That’s a possibility,” admitted Kyouko, glancing away. She dragged her gaze back. “However, he doesn’t have any fingerprints, he’s underweight and his behaviour under interrogation has been unshakeable, so I’m inclined to think this is his profession, rather than that he was brought here by his own motives.”

Anastazja nodded, the highest praise given out so far.

“If we go with them being hitmen, with someone else’s ID, a hitman could have gone in another person’s place, which he did,” said Anastazja.

Kyouko cupped her chin. “And no one noticed that they weren’t who they claimed to be?”

“Why do you think that happened?” asked Anastazja. She reclined, settling into her seat, and folded her arms over her chest.

“There were a lot of guests. And with a clever enough disguise...” Kyouko rubbed her chin and trailed off.

“Finally, the gears in your brain seem to be whirring. Yes, there were a lot of guests, many whom Byakuya invited just to build good work relations,” Anastazja chipped in. She examined her nails. “Wives, husbands, children, bodyguards... It was a very publicised event. There were bound to be unrecognisable people, and all these hitmen had to do was fool the guards to get in. You can imagine how much work it required for everything to be smoothed over after.”

“Was this Togami-kun’s idea? The bribing?”

“Byakuya? Not just his. Everyone agreed this would be the best course of action.”

“... Right.” Kyouko cleared her throat. “Anyway, let us get to the matter at hand. I assume you brought what I asked for.”

Anastazja ducked down and snatched up a canvas bag by her feet. She placed it onto the desk. An envelope could be seen through the opening and when Kyouko pulled it out, she found that it was the only thing in there.

“Is this it?” asked Kyouko, prompting Anastazja to turn up her nose.

“You said you wanted photographs for the investigations. These are all I have of people who died,” retorted Anastazja.

It would have to do. Kyouko opened the envelope and flicked through the contents. She had seen most of them before, but there were photographs from the party and two group photographs that she hadn’t seen yet. Nothing about the photographs taken at the party stood out, though there was one of Byakuya giving a speech of some kind while Touko smiled fondly at him, which Kyouko thought was sort of sweet. In regards to the photographs prior to the party, one depicted Kijou and the victims, and another showed a younger Byakuya alone with Osamu, where Byakuya was holding a violin.

Osamu smiled with his hand on Byakuya’s shoulder. Byakuya didn’t smile and stared right at the camera.

Even at what must have been about ten years old, he had perfected his stony countenance.

“What was Sugawara-san like?” asked Kyouko, examining the photograph.

“Oh, I don’t know... He liked music,” said Anastazja, which would imply she did know something. “Whenever we had guests over, Byakuya would perform a few pieces for everyone to enjoy. I liked to show him off. Sugawara often asked for an encore, and he would visit Byakuya backstage to ask him questions and compliment him... not that that’s strange. My son is very talented. I didn’t talk much to the man myself, but he came here somewhat regularly.”

Kyouko flicked back to a photograph that included Ikari and Shiba. She pointed. “And them?”

Anastazja leaned forward and peered at the photograph, which Kyouko rotated and held out toward her. While Anastazja studied it, Kyouko used her phone to take photos of the photographs.

“Hm? Them? Oh, I recognise them,” said Anastazja, touching a manicured nail to it. “I saw them even less. Ikari-san was a family man and Shiba-san smelled of cigarettes most of the time. I know Sugawara-san better. He saw potential in my son so would stop by to visit, years before Byakuya became the heir.”

“Became the heir?” Kyouko’s gaze darted to her face. “Isn’t that something someone is born...?”

For whatever reason, Anastazja tensed and almost cracked some emotion, but it was like a door opening up to a dark room.

“Don’t worry about that. Now, is that all?” asked Anastazja, her voice failing to hit the same note as the smile that she slapped on. Kyouko didn’t get a chance to reply. Anastazja nodded, took back her photos, got to her feet and turned away, already walking off as she said, “Good. I’ll let you get back to work.”

She glided across the room, at the door within seconds.

Kyouko reached out a hand.

“One last thing,” she said.

Anastazja lingered in the doorway.

“How did Togami-kun seem after the ordeal?” asked Kyouko.

“Shaken,” replied Anastazja, not bothering to turn around or look at her. “That’s what I was told, anyway.”

Kyouko wanted to discuss the events at the party, but she gained some interesting information regardless. After Anastazja left the office, Kyouko read through her notebook. The first word on the first page was ‘Byakuya Togami’.

***

Less than an hour after her interview with Anastazja, if one could call it that, Kyouko left the manor. But unlike Anastazja, who slipped into a limousine, Kyouko sat at the back of a black car with tinted windows, driven by one of Byakuya’s chauffeurs. She had expected to get into a limousine as well, but on further thought, doing so would draw attention to them. Still, that wasn’t to say that Kyouko disliked the hour long journey in the more modest car. The seats were soft and the back was roomier than most cars, with a minibar that she poured one drink at as Beethoven played on a radio station which she selected on a remote. Time didn’t pass too slowly.

As intended, no one paid the car more than a glance by the time it parked in the driveway of someone’s house. Kyouko didn’t know who the house belonged to, but the owner didn’t matter. She put her coat back on and gravel mumbled underfoot as they left the car, and she and the chauffeur walked half a mile in midday warmth to their destination.

Stone walls awaited them, surrounded by an outer wall of barbed wire fencing. They arrived at a set of gates built into the fencing, and Kyouko pressed a button on the intercom beside it.

“Name?” came a voice.

“Kyouko Kirigiri,” she replied.

“Purpose?”

“I’m here to speak to the nameless assassin,” she recited, not looking at any of the bug-eyed cameras around her.

Only five seconds could have passed before three security guards waltzed up to them, coming out through the door of a security guard cabin next to the gates. After they showed the security guard their passports, one of the guards held up a bulky, handheld device to their faces, scanning their retina. While this happened, the two other security guards searched them. A woman with a stubby ponytail dealt with Kyouko.

Satisfied by what they found, or rather what they didn’t find, one of the guards barked, “Clear,” into a walkie-talkie. The gates screeched open and Kyouko and the chauffeur were marched in. As soon as they passed through, the gates shut behind them. Kyouko reminded herself of the sections of grass either side of the pavement that they walked across, seen during earlier visits, and she saw no one else as the guards escorted her and the chauffeur through.

At the stone walls, they underwent another check by different guards, and then they were let inside. Security guards patrolled around them and after several twists, turns and stretches of dreary corridors, Kyouko strode into a small room occupied not by a guard but a man in a suit. The room was dimly lit, and a one-way mirror built into a wall revealed another room tinged green. Kyouko reached under her jacket and pulled out her notebook, then a pen. Her heels clicked as she approached the glass.

“He might as well have cut his tongue off,” said the man in the suit, standing next to Kyouko.

She continued peering through the one way mirror. The eyes of the bald man sat on a chair in there drilled into the wall opposite him. Over the past few weeks, she had seen him several times, and not as many times, she had spoken to him. During those occasions they had sat in the same room, with her staring at him from across a desk while he stared through her. He never uttered a single word.

“It’s good that he was apprehended at the scene,” the man in the suit told her. “No fingerprints. No anything. The only ID he had was a forged one of a guest who couldn’t attend. It’s no one that we know or the Togami Conglomerate know. If his accomplice, or accomplices, are anything like him, it’ll be hell to track them down.”

Kyouko didn’t reply. The man in a suit turned his head toward her.

“We might get some information out of him if we’re given permission to deploy certain methods,” he said.

“No,” replied Kyouko without missing a beat.

He glowered, straightened up and held his hands behind his back.

“Then I look forward to seeing if Togami-sama chose the right person to lead this investigation,” he said with his chin high, and he faced forward again.

Kyouko narrowed her eyes.

“I would like some time with him,” she said.

“Go ahead,” said the man in the suit, looking at the bald man.

Two guards accompanied her into the interrogation room, where the air was stale. The prisoner ignored her, as usual. She sat on the chair opposite him, a guard either side of her. He had two guards behind him. At first, she didn’t talk, watching him, though he didn’t move much, blinking occasionally.

“On 4th April this year, you entered a party thrown by Byakuya and Touko Togami, and you killed five people in the main hall, where the party was taking place,” said Kyouko. “Correct?”

She gave him the opportunity to respond, but as with their previous encounters, he didn’t reply.

“Who do you work for?” Kyouko asked.

Nothing.

“After you were let in, you managed to sneak away from the celebrations and get above the ceiling, and from there, by moving panels aside, you were able to shoot down at the victims. Security incapacitated you after you killed five people, and your comrade killed another in a side room before escaping.”

Still nothing.

“Up to now, you haven’t been tortured or humiliated,” she said. The prisoner gave no indication that he heard her. “It is not because they don’t intend on doing so. I have requested that they don’t... for the time being.”

Again. Nothing. The room buzzed, louder than him.

“Don’t think of me as a good cop. I’m not a cop. It’s just that I’m sure you’ve done this before so torture would be a waste of time,” she said. “Your fingerprints have been shaved off. You would have undergone different techniques in your training, such as hooding, deprivation of basic necessities, time disorientation and more. Many of them are illegal, but then again, you’re in an illegal line of work, and you are in the hands of the Togami Conglomerate, not the police.”

Her lashes fluttered.

“Not that it matters. The police are under the conglomerate’s thumb,” she added quietly.

Kyouko waited again. He helped her try to fill the room with silence. She sighed and rose to her feet. Her chair screeched as it was pushed back.

“This isn’t a matter of trying to prove that you’re guilty. You are guilty,” she told him. “You better hope that your training has prepared you for when I lose my patience. I’m human. So are you. Remember that.”

His silence followed her out of the room.

***

On Friday, Kyouko returned to the storage room and browsed through the files. On her first visit, she had been focused on finding photographs, but now she skimmed through the other documents there. Like Byakuya and his mother suggested, there were a lot of private files, though none of them could ruin the Togami Conglomerate to the best of her knowledge. Kyouko recognised a few case files. Even worked on some of them in the past.

They weren’t what she was interested in at the moment, however.

Byakuya arrived back at the manor in time for dinner, but he didn’t come alone. Kyouko first sighted him in the dining room, already seated, and with him wasn’t just Touko, but a slim woman with long, black hair who Kyouko recognised.

“Shinobu Togami,” said Kyouko.

“I know you,” said Shinobu, monotone but smiling politely. She was covered in old scars. “We’ve met. You interviewed me a week ago and we were in the same school, yeah? You’re the headmaster’s daughter.”

Kyouko’s lips flattened together. Shinobu blinked her left eye. Her right eye remained open, the blue iris giving off a glow. The eye was mechanical, had been during their time at Hope’s Peak, and Kyouko had never found out why.

That wasn’t the only robotic body part that Shinobu had. In addition to her eye, her right hand was silver, metal. She raised it and offered it to Kyouko.

“I’m here for my detective status, not as a daughter,” said Kyouko, her face still stiff with annoyance, but she still shook Shinobu’s hand. The dining table could seat ten people, but the other three had sat together, with Byakuya beside Touko and Shinobu opposite them, so Kyouko sat beside Shinobu. Dinner hadn’t been served yet, but they each possessed a cup of tea. No one thought to get Kyouko one, but a maid dashed into the kitchen after Kyouko claimed a chair for herself.

“You’re probably wondering why I’m here,” said Shinobu.

She pressed a finger against her right temple. The pupil in Shinobu’s right eye shrunk and the iris spun, the pale streaks in it whirling around, and she waited quietly, giving Kyouko the chance to guess, but Kyouko remained quiet.

“It’s just a family call,” Shinobu revealed. Her robotic eye stopped spinning. “Did you know that I’m writing my baby brother’s biography?”

Byakuya glared at her, about to take a sip of tea. “I’m hardly younger than you.”

“We all used to call him the runt,” said Shinobu.

Touko shot Shinobu an icy look.

“Who is ‘we’, exactly?” asked Kyouko.

“Me and our former siblings,” said Shinobu, motioning to herself and Byakuya, her shoulders low and loose. Casual.

“Former?” said Kyouko. “What does that mean?”

Byakuya lowered his cup and heaved a sigh.

“I suppose I may as well inform you of the system in place for selecting the heir to the conglomerate,” Byakuya drawled. He gave a pause, maybe for dramatic effect. “My father has over one hundred children.”

Kyouko’s eyebrows raised.

“All of us were conceived in private fertility clinics, and only women deemed to be of high enough quality by my father, his father and advisors were allowed to be fertilised with his seed. Then, after a few decades, my father decided to select the new heir. I was the youngest,” said Byakuya.

“And the youngest never ever wins,” Shinobu piped up, wagging a finger. “First, we did a series of challenges, and after each round, a certain number of competitors - ”

Siblings.

“ - were eliminated.” Shinobu cast her eyes down to her cup. “They were stripped of their identity and status, and forced to live as nobodies. Unknowns.”

“Basically killed,” remarked Byakuya.

Both spoke like it was a minor inevitability.

Kyouko didn’t say anything, frowning into space as a maid placed a cup and saucer in front of her.

“The last round involved sixteen competitors,” said Byakuya and when she glanced up, he had a bitter twist to his mouth. “I lost in the previous round despite my success in every challenge. With a bit of digging around, I discovered that one competitor had bribed by father with a cow that could supposedly bring good luck, and he took my place. I found out where the last round would be held and flew there in disguise.”

“As Polaris P Polanski,” Shinobu interrupted without raising her voice. “A mute girl, the assistant of the late elite detective, Suisei Nanamura.”

That might have explained the photographs of Byakuya with long hair. Kyouko paid it little thought, however, and homed in on another detail.

“Suisei Nanamura?” Kyouko said. Her heart skipped, just for a moment. “I knew him. He specialised in homicides and committed suicide at thirty-seven years of age.”

More words made their way up to her mouth but she shut her lips tight and blocked their path just before they could come out. They bounced around until they disintegrated, forming a crust. She didn’t mention that Suisei killed himself after murdering several people. His work with Byakuya couldn’t have been that long before she met Suisei when she was a young teenager. Suisei would have been useful to have on this case, able to read people by their expressions, posture and wrinkles like no other human could, but he was dead.

“I was one of the last people in the competition,” Shinobu carried on. “We were kidnapped from our homes, dropped off on an island and told to survive. Cameras everywhere watched our performance. But then...”

Her face and voice didn’t change, but when she moved her head, where the light hit her face and where shadows resided shifted.

“... people started getting murdered. Corpses, found charred. Stabbed. Bludgeoned. Poisoned. Our number dwindled. Soon, I realised that we were killing each other, and a set of twin sisters drugged me and tortured me. Then, they were shot...”

“Kirigiri doesn’t have to know this,” Byakuya cut in.

Kyouko was about to be annoyed.

Shinobu shook her head. “It’s fine. They amputated my left arm and my right hand, and gouged out my eye.”

Touko shuddered. Kyouko realised that Byakuya told Shinobu that she didn’t have to continue for Shinobu’s sake. Her brow creased.

“I thought I was going to die but then, right there in front of me, they were sliced up, and I was face-to-face with my adopted brother, Kazuo, who had followed me there, somehow.” Shinobu clenched a fist and her eye clouded vacant. “He rambled, saying how I would win and we would work together, becoming one, and he called me beautiful...”

She stared into space, her eye dry. No one rushed her.

“Sorry,” said Shinobu, making herself grin slightly. Her eye didn’t match. “If I could, I would cry, but after what he did to me, I haven’t been able to shed a single tear. I don’t feel hope or despair. I don’t feel anything... Just a numbness. I’m like a plastic bag being tossed about on a windy day.”

Byakuya turned his head to the side, arms folded over his chest. Touko fidgeted.

“But then, I was saved.” Shinobu placed a hand over her heart and bowed her head. “Nanamura and Polaris burst into my room. They fought Kazuo and Nanamura became injured, but then Pennyworth swooped in and with a katana, he sliced Kazuo in half, totally fulfilling the badass grandpa trope. It’s unfortunate that he’s not at the manor today.”

All that, said with no lilt, no inflection.

Kyouko cupped an elbow with one hand and balled the other into a loose fist under her chin. “Are you okay with that?”

“I don’t feel anything about it,” said Shinobu, meeting her gaze. “I was ready to be disowned. Polaris revealed herself to be Byakuya and became winner of the competition, but he let me stay his sibling and become his secretary. But I think it’s because I’m his sister too. I haven’t done secretary work for him in ages.”

Byakuya kept his face blank, unreadable.

Touko clasped her hands together on the table. Her face quivered. “She’s also writing his biography, even though I’m more than qualified.”

Shinobu shook a finger.

“Nope, it has to be me. I already started it, and you’ve got other things to write, like this I-Novel of yours,” said Shinobu. She tapped Touko on the nose. Touko flinched and Shinobu withdrew. “I’m very good at seeing things from the background and reporting on what I see, seeing people for who they are. And with my scars and Borges, people like to stay way back and act like I’m the Sun. Too blinding to look at directly.”

“Borges?” asked Kyouko. Shinobu pointed at her robotic eye.

“I could have got a regular-looking eye, but I like this one. I get to keep one eye open at all times. I know to many people, I appear ugly, but I don’t care,” said Shinobu. She set her arm down. “I don’t care about being beautiful. I don’t want to be beautiful.”

Touko perked up and waved a fist energetically. “Wear your ugliness with pride!”

A maid brought out their dinner and for the first half of the meal, no one said anything. Cutlery spoke in its secret language of clinks and scrapes. Touko cooed and tried to feed Byakuya a mussel from a bowl of creamy soup, but he batted away Touko’s hand. Her shoulders sank and she sucked on the flesh in the shell, pouting a bit.

“Togami-kun,” said Kyouko when she was someway through her grilled mackerel.

Byakuya didn’t look at her. “What is it?”

“Would you obtain something for me?”

“It depends what it is.”

“Personal phones. Personal email addresses and passwords.”

He narrowed his eyes at her.

“I will get them for you,” he replied.

Touko tried to feed him again. This time, she succeeded, and she beamed. Shinobu continued eating but slower than before, obviously listening in. Byakuya swallowed.

“Do you think you will find something on those?” he asked Kyouko.

“Perhaps,” said Kyouko. “I’ve been through the victims’ work phones and emails, but I didn’t find anything out of the ordinary.”

He pushed his glasses up and said, “You suspect that you might find something there instead? Blackmail?”

Kyouko tilted her head to one side. “If this has crossed your mind, I wonder why you didn’t do this yourself already.”

Touko glowered.

“B-Byakuya has been busy! You’re the one supposed to be looking for leads,” snapped Touko, then falling silent as Byakuya steepled his fingers and inclined his head forward.

“I have read through all of the personal addresses that I know about,” he told Kyouko. “I didn’t find anything suspicious on them, but perhaps you will miraculously find something on them that I missed. For all I know, there are other emails that weren’t supplied to me. I encourage you to sleuth for them. However, I do wonder...”

He paused to show his teeth in a humourless grin.

“... It sounds like you’re treating them less like victims and more like suspects now, Kirigiri.”

Kyouko gave him a level look. “I’m keeping my mind open.”

[04loved]

To A Happy 2018

This isn’t a follow forever or mutual list, I just wanted to give a little personal shoutout to some of you who make tumblr a place i want to keep coming back to.

There are many more wonderful people I didn’t mention, but I hope in the coming year to step out of my comfort zone a little and try to talk to you all more, even if it is only over anon.  To everyone who has sent me an encouraging message or anon in recent days, I was truly touched and I thank you so much.  To all of my followers, i love you and you’re doing great and i hope you have a soft 2018 filled with love and good things!!

@bbhsavocado i feel like i learned so much about u pricilla that night of the bbh in panties talk aldkjsgljk how validating to see my kinks shared n sub bbh appreciated like that, but it was also awful n i hated it. i love all ur bisexual bbh-loving content n ur friendship with some mutuals is so adorable i hope u all find great gfs this year <3 i have no idea y i took so long to follow u bc ur everything i want in a blog

@bbhsthighs nicole, u want to be a person who gives happiness like the boy who inspired ur url, and u do, u really really do. ur hilarious and adorable in ur tags and ur interactions with ur other friends on here. i can tell how much you love them and how much they love you back <3 maybe some ppl first liked u for ur humor and light, but love means accepting u when ur hurting and when u dont feel like u can shine anymore. pls dont be afraid to share that side of you with those who deserve ur trust, bc thats what a true friendship is. pls treat urself with the same kindness u give to everyone else. asking for help isnt being selfish and it isnt letting anyone down. u do not have to shine for everyone else while being blind urself. following u has been a wild ride from the day i first found ur blog and ive enjoyed every day since. this year i hope the world becomes a bright and beautiful place for you.

@bobohu elaine, im not sure who you want following you since u changed ur blog...i think u left while i was taking a break from tumblr, but i found you again from a post about the kinds of love you feel for exo, i knew there was only one person who writes like that, so beautifully and so full of love. you were one of the first exo blogs i followed and you have always been someone who radiates good vibes and sunshine. i want u to know i appreciate every one of ur positivity posts, and even in your selfies, your smile, you look exactly how i would expect from the kind of cute content you have. i want to genuinely thank you for being a fan for so long and doing what u can to make others happy. i love seeing your posts and im very happy i found you again

@boxianb ive been following u for so long and like idk how u do it but u reblog every single baekhyun post i have on my blog without fail. always. u r just all baekhyun all the time and u know what i admire that i respect that so much that is dedication and i see u and appreciate that, its exactly what i want and need in my life, thank you !!

@byunchen mel, ive seen your posts lately and how you are lonely and missing friends on here, and ive been following you for like...two years now..and we don’t really talk, im shy and you say ur shy and bad at talking.... but here’s me saying that i see you and i appreciate the time you spend on here blogging and talking. im not really active enough anymore to promise to interact a lot but this year i will try to talk more and i wish you many adorable anons and people to call friends !! thank u for coming this far and being an important part of my dash

@exolgbt around when i first followed u i was questioning a lot if i was actually a lesbian and somehow ur blog just like...comforted me ? made me feel good ? helped me try to understand myself ? seeing someone so proudly a lesbian and also so in love with exo... ive come to terms with being bisexual but i admire you and really love your content and all the exo mlm appreciation !! ur doing good work <3

@imagine-baekhyun i dont know who is running this account but ur literally ruining my life thanks i hate it !!!!!!

@kjonginswife i have to admit ive wanted to talk to u for a while alkjgslkjg its nice to see someone my own age on here, i did see ur universe reaction and i think youre adorable haha i dont follow a lot of non-bbh stans and honestly i think i followed you at first by mistake but i have never regretted it !! idk how to put it into eloquent words but basically u give me such good friendly vibes and i love seeing your posts and your tags and your personality and just know someone on here really appreciates you and would miss you if u left

@kkaeb-my-song one of the holy first baekhyun blogs i followed <3 from the beginning you struck me as a very sweet person so cutely in love with baekhyun and that hasn’t changed, ive only come to appreciate you even more. you’re a constant on here and being in this fandom wouldn’t be the same without you !!

@mochibaeks I LOVE YOU i know youre not as active lately jelly but I LOVE YOU youre like the sweetest cutest squishiest most adorable person ive seen on this site i just...love...everything you say and make!! im p sure i first followed u bc u did like the bias audio challenge a while ago...u sounded so friendly and adorable, ur voice is very fitting for you haha you are so warm i hope you stick around for a long time because i love you soooo much

@rosybbh ive been following u sophia for a while and we’re mutuals but we havent talked a lot and im still honestly intimidated by you lol idk how u feel about this view but i see you as a very strong person, just the way u talk seems confident in some way to me, whether u feel like that or not. i dont really have the right words, but i admire that. i LOVE everything u say about bbh...all ur posts for bbh n about u n bbh...damn u always got me daydreaming about him too :( except ok there was this one pic of chanyeol and u said smth like ‘imagine him manspreading’ and id like u to know that that actually ruined my life and i havent forgotten it so thanks. for u especially i hope u have a very bright and healing year

@r-velvets vivian i know u have been gone recently but still lurk, and u have one of my fave blogs content wise and gifs and personality. u r still like THAT way too cool mutual i get so excited to see...especially bc you’re also so kind and during that really hard night after the news of Jonghyun, idk how or why but just those few words u said made me feel a lot better. i miss you online but i hope youre doing well in your real life and finding happiness

@sefuns i dont have a lot to say bc im really shy but u were the FIRST exo blog i ever followed and you have given nothing but great content since i found you two years ago, and when u followed me more recently i could not believe the notification aglksjgljk i have no idea how u found me but knowing we’re mutuals made me very happy and gave me a little blush and i just wanted to let u know that

@thundaelights fey, i dont think this will mean much to you coming from a stranger, but after following you for two years, i feel like i know you some, and i want to say that i hope this year you see many beautiful sights, and your heart feels light, and you are surrounded by things that give happiness. i hope something happens soon that makes the whole world look different, look brighter. its funny how life can change so fast and without warning. i wish you not just strength but also a safe place to fall apart and hope to put yourself back together. may you find countless reasons to smile

@wangeun we talked a lot for a while and then i just kind of disappeared i think as i often do rip but i still love following you and i just want to say real quick that i see you and i notice you and i would miss you if you left and i hope youre finding a lot of success in your life

to new mutuals @cuddlyjd @okaybaekhyun @baekhyuns i still get so shy and happy when anyone follows me back but thank you !! you are all three cute and adorable and funny n kenzie i hadnt followed a great jongdae stan in a while since the old dae-biased blogs i followed became inactive thank u for loving jongdae so well alkgjs

@sebyun @winterbyuns @etherealbbh @progamerbyun @dearbyun @baeksee @byunvoyage @solobaek @queenbyun @baekhyy @baehkhun @ethereal-baek i love all of u bbh stans giving baekhyun the love and adoration he deserves n giving me the positive baekhyun content my heart needs. esp solobaek (kiki, right?) u have the cutest most wonderful tags i love reading them all and seeing so many heart emojis

im sorry i dont have the most to say but im thinking of you all and wishing you the best!!!!

[jiminsbootyhoe]

92 Truths Tag

i was mentioned by @tsujido thank you ily <3

rules: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (i’m just gonna tag my fave mutuals at the end)

NAME: Isabella 

AGE: 16 

BIRTH DATE: June 3rd <3

THE LAST


1. drink: Jasmine Green Tea


2. phone call: Mum <3

3. text: Friend joyce trying to decide what bag to buy <3

4. song you listened to: PSY- “I LUV IT”

5. time you cried: Few days ago :’))((

6. dated someone twice: nope 

7. been cheated on: nope


8. kissed someone and regretted it: nope 


9. lost someone special: yes :’(

10. been depressed: yes 


11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nope


LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:


12. blue

13. purple

14: yellow

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 


15. made new friends: yes, but the ones irl not sure if im willing to keep (suspiciously borderline toxic)

16. fallen out of love: yes ;((


17. laughed until you cried: yes yes :DDD

18. found out someone was talking about you: yes but oh wells I pretty much bet that it was her talking crap about me ;)))

19. met someone who changed you: yesss :’(((((((((((((((

20. found out who your true friends are: not anymore, confused :’)) (exception  tumblr friends ily guys <3)

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: yes


22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: 90%

23. do you have any pets: I used to have a pet hamster dwarf but we weren’t allowed to bring her into Australia when we moved here so we had to leave her behind :’((((((((((((

24. do you want to change your name: Yes my last names :’)))))))

25. what did you do for your last birthday: had a small private gathering with only close friends- ended up horrible :’))))))))) but all g im waiitng for this years one bc i know its gonna be great !!! :DD

26. what time did you wake up: 6 am - school XD 

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: thinking about life

28. name something you cannot wait for: 2 meet my true love <3333

29. when was the last time you saw your mother: 20 mins ago 

30. what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: small things 


31. what are you listening to right now: cute PSY songs ( i love his adorable faceu <333)

32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes- primary school i think 

33. something that is getting on your nerves: EVERYTIME I HAVE FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE ONE OF MY SO CALLED FRIENDS suddenly tries to get in with him :’))))))))))) it doesnt work pls get UR OWN MAN 

34. most visited website: youtube (??)

35. elementary: I went to a few in Greece, one in China and one in Australia :’)))))))) i was going to go to one in Japan 2 as a child but my family ended up deciding not 2  (mad regrets tbh)

36. high School: Australian one been to  three so far and i now go to a private school in the city :)


37. college: haven’t gone yet but hoping to go to one in Sydney or overseas tbh

38. hair color: Light brown with Golden streaks naturally but because of chemicals to make my hair straight the color is more of a dark brown now  TT  ( i have got to stop doing the treatments tbh ;(((()

39. long or short hair:  medium- i cut my hair short recently so its growing back 


40. do you have a crush on someone: Yess


41. what do you like about yourself: My eyes ??( Im not sure lol )  oohh maybe my similarities to my mother <333

42. piercings: 3 lobe ones 2 on 1 side 1 on the other and one cartilage 


43. blood type: idk lol i dont remmeber 


44. nickname: loulou, bella, issie, ishy fishy (bc i was my school’s champion swimmer back in the day :’)))))))))

45. relationship status: single 

46. zodiac sign: Gemini


47. pronouns: she/her


48. favorite tv show: hmm i dont really watch much but 13 reasons why was pre good !!!

49. tattoos: nooope i dont think ill ever want one either 

50. right or left hand: right

FIRST… 


51. surgery: never (thank goodness)


52. piercing: ears

54. sport: Swimming- used to be champion but havent trained in ages- will start again soon !!!! <3

55. vacation: Amsterdam 

56. pair of trainers: Adidas Japan 

RIGHT NOW…


57. eating: i eat anything and everything lol 

58. drinking: Jasmine green tea

59. i’m about to: eat

61. waiting for:  love 

62. want: to be content and happy <3


FUTURE…

62. want kids?: yes ofc !!!! <3

63. get married: Yes OFC!!!!!! <33333

64. career: hmm something to do with fashion and hopefully internationally 

WHICH IS BETTER… 


65. hugs or kisses: both <33333

66. lips or eyes: eyes 

67. shorter or taller: if  its for a dude i would want to date id prefer taller 

68. older or younger: older 

69. romantic or spontaneous?: romantic 

70. nice arms or nice stomach: both (i love u no matter what <3)

71. sensitive or loud: not too loud so maybe sensitive 

72. hook up or relationship: relationship <3


73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant 

HAVE YOU EVER…


74. kissed a stranger?: no

75. drank hard liquor?: yes


76. lost glasses contact/lenses?: nope


77. turned someone down?: yes

78. sex on first date?: nope

79. broken someone’s heart?: yes (im so sorry)

80. had your heart broken?: yes by my most trusted people (not parents)

81. been arrested?: nope


82. cried when someone died?: yes ofc 


83. fallen for a friend?: yes but in a platonic manner (?? does this make sense)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 


84. yourself?: yes !

85. miracles?: yes!!!!!


86. love at first sight?: yes!!

87. santa Claus?: hmm i believe that he is indeed a spirit but not in the commersialised manner anymore 

88. kiss on the first date?: yes !!!

89. angels?: yes!!!!!

OTHER…. 


90. current best friend’s name: hmm for irl one im really not that sure TT 

91. eye color: Dark Brown but changes colour under lighting and is often misstook for multiple different colours !

92. favourite movie: spirited away <3