#I WANT TO MAKE MY INNER CHILD HAPPY
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"You should find more joy in your inner child"
-Laudna
#THE TEEEEEEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FAAAAAAAACE#I WANT TO MAKE MY INNER CHILD HAPPY#FOR HER OF NOT FOR MYSELF#*spends my entire paycheck on shit I couldn't get as a kid*#critical role#criticalrole#critrole#crit role#cr spoilers#critical role spoilers
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the candle.
a comic about rediscovering passion and recovering from burnout.
creative notes:
#this comic ended up feeling so much more somber than i think i originally intended#i hope the conclusion at the end comes off more settled and happy than it does reluctant or disappointed#since i do feel that way. happy that is#its a cliche but returning to your inner child#just making stuff that YOU'D like to see more of#it does wonders for making you feel less like being a creator means giving away parts of yourself#im sorry if this is coming off as preachy#obviously you can do what you like#and im not ever gonna be the wisest person in the room#im barely into my 20s#but i spent almost a year torturing myself over what i wanted to be#deciding to just...do what i thought would be cool ended up being the best possible decision#its 10pm#this series makes me really marinate in my own issues#very pretentious but at this point its my brand#comic art#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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Every day I wake up and remember that Hoyo never gave us the Aventurine magical girl transformation he (we) deserved and I cry
You don’t get it
I wake up and I remember my dreams of Aven twirling around with cute sound effects with slight manic laughter as he’s magicked into his funky hat and cool mask and cunty boots and I mourn
#WE WERE ROBBED#I WAS ROBBED#AVENTURINE THE MAGICAL GIRL YOU ARE#YOU KNOW IT’S ONE OF THE WHO THINGS THAT WOULD MAKE HIM HAPPY DONT LIE#Please hoyo#this is literally the only thing I want#besides more ratio backstory#but other than that#I want magical girl aventurine#I need him to do a bunch of iconic magical girl poses#heal my inner child plzzzzzz#aventurine#hsr aventurine#aventurine honkai star rail#honkai star rail#marrapost
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Happy Buddy Daddies Friday! I wanted to do a redraw from ep 4 since it came out about a year ago. Also a little doodle of a scene I like to think happened offscreen 🥰
#something about seeing Rei looking so happy and peaceful cuddling his stuffed animals just makes me 😭#his inner child is so happy in this scene#god#I love him#also kazuki thinks it’s adorable and no one can tell me otherwise#I might start posting more doodles#bc I have so many things I want to draw for them#but don’t have the time or energy to fully color and shade all of them#buddy daddies#kazurei#my art#reikazu#buddy daddies fanart#kazurei fanart#rei suwa#buddy daddies friday#buddy daddies redraw#redraw
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I am so serious it is so integral for adults to have toys to play with. Whoever decided having toys past a certain age should be blown up to thousands of pieces. Looking at peoples' collections of toys as something inherently derogatory or an indicator of their maturity is a crime punishable by going to hell.
#antihibikase.txt#literally who gives a fuck. if someone wants to collect toys past their 30s then let them!#the phenomenon of wanting to grow up asap or to be judged by your peers is awful. having to grow up at age 14 to not seem childish is insan#i am 22. i collect beanie babies and tamagotchis and many other toys.#when i have extra money that im not using for necessities or my family's needs i buy toys. i get calico critters as treats.#i bought my tamagotchi uni and it is one of my best purchases this year. it makes me happy#not even just a “heal your inner child” kind of thing
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#i know I’m trying to make my blog here a safe place not just for me but for others too but..#I need to vent some self hate rn 😭#it’s my birthday and oof. the fear and uneasy feelings today#I don’t like celebrating it at all. but family out here all aaaaa#just 💀💀💀 I don’t want to be reminded how old I am now.#I just want to be forever happy with my inner child#the amount of times I’ve had panic attacks. fear. stress.#ugh. sorry to anyone reading this. fr.#just needed to get it out of my system. ya’know?#cw negativity#cw self hate
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just ordered tabinof :3 ^_^ :p
#i've been trying to do things that I wasn't able to when I was younger and it is making me genuinely so happy#i guess you could call it an “inner child” thing#but it's more just stuff that I've always wanted to do but had to repress/ignore because I wasn't allowed or I was too ashamed#and inner child sounds like it's not still an active part of my personality ?#because i'm trying to look and dress how 12 year old me pictured 18 year old me#but the only reason I don't already is because I masked so hard that I stopped trying to get there#very interesting gray thank you
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Soooo. It's almost valentines day and my gorgeous waifu @schattensaenger surprised me with a lego set and I.LOVE.IT.SO.FUCKING.MUCH. THANK U MAKO!!❤️
#she really knows how to make my inner child so happy and understood#i've always wanted Legos 🥺#i used to build them a lot back when i was younger but stopped bec they see it as childish#yet here she is... spoiling me with lego sets#i love you so much u dont even know how much#hmpfff#even if u expose me on here abt my poops i still love u more than ever#prsnl#bunbun#loml#mako#potat#waifu
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Working through the handful of ocs in my next gen, too, might as well.
Gayle, the sole Griffon in Ponyville's weather team! He's Sky Pulse's boyfriend, very affectionate and protective of her.
The gem is plastic. This is important information.
#mlp fim#mlp next gen#I think I just really wanted to make a purple griffon because that makes my inner child happy#Made him thicker in this iteration of the design#Because that works better#Doodles
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HOLY SHIT IS FIFI THE DOG A REFERWNCE TO THE VAMPIRE CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE BOOK BY R.L. STINE????
#this show is giving me everything i couldve wanted#i love it so much#also nathan bratt getting more story#i was sad originally bc i loved all the characters esp lucas and i was worried they wouldnt get more development or screentime#and all just be one off jokes#but theyre doing them all such justice#and just. i'm so happy#all the tiny references to other books#this is making my inner child so so happy#the only thing that would make this better is if they actually do get transported to horrorland and it kickstarts a s2 horrorland series#BUT i've just always wanted horrorland#anyone else want an actual horrorland amusement park? just me?#i used to obsessively pour over the map and imagine being there#goosebumps#r.l. stine#painting roses
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who gave sharp the audacity to be so kind, loving, sweetest person. D:< no amount of words i can put up will ever be able to contain the vibe he has; i desperately need a drink with him and i dont even drink and he doesn't even exist!
#smiletalks#ipeak#that man...............#that man instantly turns any of my ideas into a therapy session; hang on i wrote a fic in tags again#im working on a fic and it has 4.4k words chap where it's just him and mc talking through some ministry related topics#she s been down lately because interrogations took a toll on her despite not leaving a slightest shadow on her marks#sharp isnt pleased she used studying as a method for coping with everything#and it didnt escape him mc didnt want to think farther than her owls or rather the day she will leave the school for the summer break#WHICH HAD CAULDRON OF THE PROBLEMS POTION OF ITS OWN#tldr; mc is an incredibility tough for her age but crucially inexperienced to hold up the pressure put on her#and the amount of decision making#gurl is tired#let her sleep bring back the happy-go-lucky kid she used to be#WRITING FICS IN THE TAGS AGAIN.#idc ill keep on so sharp is wlling to save the day#“She might have grown up faster than her peers -- which shouldn't at all matter for her inner child still enjoys pumpkin fizz and snidgets”#“Although her penchant for brandy worries me. Why would a 16 years old young witch need so much?.. DOES SHE SMUGGLE UNDER MY WATCH. PEEVES?#“nvm turned out she has a granian somewhere; evidently it was stolen by poachers and kept in misery until taken into her care.”#“Also the reason her shoulder was dislocated a couple of weeks ago; *dares not mention he needed its hair; gets it for birthday as a gift*”#*doesnt know what to do absolutely flustered and loosing it but thanking mc she sent a package rather than handed it after class*#*or hed refused it or talked a way out of such a convenience*#*FAVORS MUST REPAY*#*his turn of not accepting refusals now*#“Always a pleasure to have students with high standards for discipline. Although. In her case -- someone needs to keep an eye on her.”#“We had a talk. Talks. We needed to be sure we'd pestered each other enough with 'silly questions for obvious answers' as she had put it.”#“I am up for the responsibility; her inverted sense of danger makes her jump at your presence Matilda I am so sorry I couldn't fix it in --#“-- in a few months. I truly mean an apology but neither of us should worry atm as her summer has been delegated to Mrs Sweeting.”#“I won 30 btw. Oh. Ask Dinah. Or Mirabel. I'm not disclosing until you know full details but I do wonder what were your suggestions.”#“........Thinking on it now how miserable I'd become should she chosen your nephew. Seeing is believing; she put up quite a play.”#“Until she blew everything up like an erumpent but I wouldn't say more. So.”
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Mordred as a persona is so refreshing for me to draw because while I put a lot of thought into other persona designs with Mordred I just went "big dark half rotten dragon :]" and ran with it
#oc tag#literally just me saying fuck the rules and having fun#by rules i mean general design conventions + my own rules lol#whenever im really pissed off about something i draw him its so cathartic#its also really fun because ive always wanted to draw dragons but never knew how#so im kinda learning through him and its really fun making inner child me happy u know#you could argue that mordred not looking like a persona is like deliberate cause his awakening is unnatural#but eh whatever hes really just self indulgent#ive been thinking a lot about him and black mask lately ngl#id love the share the new design with ye but honestly most of these sketches im doing are for me and me alone so#sorry u guys know i love talking about my persona designs and im just not having a good time rn so#ramble about the big scary dragon persona time it is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Uh. Like month... 4... Without an big breakdown and im 😳 what.... Wha
#miranda talking shit#I always say this but holy shit what the fuck i didnt think medication could have so much impact#I thought be being numb would be the best case. But here i am like 👍 life's not so bleak. I have loved ones. There's more for me to see#Like what the fuck.... Ive been sucidal since i was 11... I thought that would just be permanent for me... That it would kill me one day#But here i am just.... Like...living?#I mean im still not living life to the fullest mainly bc im still not used to just ... Be and not feel like garbage#I still have many problems and inner battles but they don't .... Send me into the abyss or worse#Anti medication people can probably argue if im ACTUALLY happy or just high of my meds or something but i...#I just feel like myself but ...kinda like when you put on glasses after being without them for a while#You see things clearer again and you had forgotten that your eyes were bad#I see the same things who would make me smile for 1 second. Now i see them and they make me smile for half a minute or more#I feel i think a lot more and notice smaller things. Smaller delights. A little cute bug flying by. An pretty flower outside. Someone#Laughing with their friend. A child playing outside. They all make me happy now and i just ... Yeah.#I am not the most positive person alive or am super happy all the time... But having actual ... Normal days#Actually be just... Just fine. Not 'i have managed to not cry and kept my mental health in check somewhat etc' but actually just#Things are fine. On an scale more in tune with others version if fine. Im used to my okay days just being like... Oh i was awake today#I ate a meal today. I didn't cry. But i still had my usual bad mental space but it was fine bc it was a bit more manageable#That was a fine day. Now I'm like... Id describe my days now as great days. I usually have one or two of these days#Per year ... Now i have them like daily... Theyre just fine. It blows my mind...#Ive always been positive to medication despite not finding one that helped me as much as i... Wanted. But now it's like#Holy shit yeah. Wish i found this medicine at age 15 when i started and not 10 years later but man im glad i finally found it#So glad i decided not to just settle with the one i had. When i brought up i wanted to try new medication again#Doctors were like what... But why? And it's like.... Yeah that one i had was.... The best i had found at the time and i had kept it for 3#Years. But it did only help me to stabilize some. I still felt like garbage... And explaining that to a doctor is like... Idk how to do that#Like id say my old medication helped 25% i know it helped mostly with my general anxiety. But it wasn't like to a point i felt#It was a GOOD medication for me. Just ... It was the best i had tried so... It was fine...
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My coworker: have you considered staying at a hostel instead?
Me: knowing full well that hostels don’t take locals bc they’re selling themselves as a place to travel distances for cheap: I mean it’s cheaper than rent if I got the max bed dorm :P (*I’ve checked. Still over 60% of my pay though)
Bc the friends I would be willing to rent with aren’t local at all. And I don’t trust strangers tbh. So. Yeah. I feel fucking trapped. It’s definitely not good for me. But. I don’t pay market rent for a room (plus another basically) in a house. With in house laundry. And I. I’m just tired of it.
#the family saga#whining#my bones creak ever more wishing to snap like my hope#I keep thinking I’m resigned to it and then I keep having#hope#and then the cycle begins anew#vent#like. we’re both bad for each other.#but I’m FUCKING TRYING.#I want to want to live. I want to live. I want to do fun things. I want to fall in love. I want cats. I want to be happy.#and I know some of this will pass and fade into the background.#but you don’t get to have it both ways where you treat me like a child in terms of privacy and freedom and urge me to grow up/graduate.#it’s easier to stay.#it’s easier financially to stay bc it allows me to go on fun trips that make me look forward to them#it’s easier space wise bc I have a lot of hobbies and things I love#it’s easier paperwork wise bc OOF#but I also feel like the extra scrutiny bc I ‘lied by hiding my inner thigh tats’ is#going to prevent me from my hopeful temporary T and hopeful top surgery.#like. I was kinda just hoping to pass it off as a very large reduction to her and if dad asked it’ll make running easier on me.#…I don’t want to go inside.#I need a Third Space so badly.#also my hip(s) STILL hurt and my toe is still bruised (probably not broken) and my wrists and knees and ankles aren’t happy either#(I’m not going to talk about my back)#I want to throw up. but instead I’m going to go inside and go eat something bc I’m hungry. and then go for a little outing to pick up sister#I really don’t want to go inside though.
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Sigh. It begins (being forced to see the worst aro hcs I've ever seen in my life because ppl have a talent for finding the absolute worst characters to be their token aro hc)
#rat rambles#hey pros of oni. no fandom to make shitty aro hcs#cause like you just know ppl would roll out their aro jackie fanart and Id have to delete my blog#and like normally with shitty aro hcs for things I like its not even that I don't share the hc just that I dont trust allo ppl#but jackie isnt even aro to me shes allo as fuck#I could dig some arospec olivia tho#Im also an enjoyer of aro joshua and aro otto#anyways time to block the wx tag but like for realsies Im not dealing with this shit#anyways happy pride months. Im going to spend most of it being the evil homophobic acearo that they warned you abt <3#I jest I will be trying to enjoy it on my own time I just hate fandom culture and ppl having shit takes#honestly be glad I don't touch sekai tags anymore or Id start posting some real unreadable shit#its so hard being an aromantic person who hcs mafuyu as aromantic and romance repulsed because they're just like me fr#because god damn would that be a red flag to me if it were anyone else's hc lol#oh also does a little dance kanade is unlabeled as hell and no one can convince me otherwise#anyways I should make some dst pride art but its abby and walter in their aromantic echo chamber arguing with everyone that love isn't real#like I've said before its me healing my inner child who had too much of an anxiety disorder to be the obnoxious aro kid I couldve been#I bet both of them are like a wall to argue with but in different ways#walter will do the age old strat of just stating his points over and over again like it makes them right#and abby will do the 'prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt or you're automatically wrong' approach#because theyre both lil bastard kids who drive ppl around them crazy when they feel like it#wendy is also a bit of a wall but more in the sense that he will just plain refuse to believe things that he doesnt want to believe#because his coping mechanism is trying to wallow in his misery in hopes that it'll start to hurt less if he expects the worst#and I think if you tried to correct his stupid emo quotes he'd get all pissy abt it since its not abt accuracy it's abt his shitty coping
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#i really wanted the lop rabbit & lion sonny angels bc they're so cute and they remind me of HL#AND GUESS WHAT#i got them both!!!!!#lucky pulls for me (& my sister) yesterday <3#this new gacha hobby of mine is kinda expensive but like#when you get the one you want :((( it makes me soooo happy#also my way of healing my inner child tbh#*ri
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