#I THOUGHT SHE HAD LIKE A HEART THING HAPPENING OR A DIABETES THING

[bengallemon]

my mother gave me a fucking heart attack

Mother on the phone: I need to go to emergency

Me, thinking something actually happened: ??!

Her: I need nana milk (banana milk)

Me, now done with her shit: I'm ignoring you for the rest of the night

[milaisreading]

Sae acts cold, arrogant, and egoistic but when the reader is around him he turns into a soft and gentle simp for her.

🌱🩷: Someone asked me to do a one shot of that one post I made abt Sae simping for Isagi's sister. So I might as well write it like this! Hope u like it!

Warnings: Reader uses she/her. Requests are open

⚽️Blue Lock belongs to Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura ⚽️

"Sis, can we get these? Mom won't mind, right?" Yoichi wondered, pointing at the box of chocolate that he was holding. (Y/n) looked away from the list Iyo gave her earlier and at the item her brother was holding.

"Hmm I don't know. Didn't you have enough sweets already?"

"Please. I didn't indulge in them for months. Blue Lock is torture." Yoichi pleaded with her for a good minute until (Y/n) ended up sighing and nodding her head.

"Fine. Put it in." She said, showing him the basket.

"Thanks, sis. You are the best!" Yoichi cheered, causing (Y/n) to blush a little.

"Ahh~ me? No, I am not. Don't flatter me too much." She laughed a little, not noticing someone looking at them.

"Ah... You two are here?" (Y/n) and Yoichi jumped in surprise and turned to look at the familiar figure.

"Sae-san? What are you doing here?" (Y/n) wondered as Yoichi raised an eyebrow at that as well.

"Mom wanted us to visit some family friends here in Saitama. I just grew bored of her picking what to buy as a present." Sae shrugged, causing (Y/n) to laugh a little.

"Ah~ it's not easy to pick gifts."

"Wait, is Rin here, too?" Yoichi raised an eyebrow, earning a nod from Sae.

"Yeah. A few isles down." He pointed and Yoichi took off there. The two older siblings stayed rooted to their spots, blinking at each other for a moment.

"So... You are back from Spain." (Y/n) said, trying to break the awkward silence.

"Obviously."

"Hahaha..." The girl laughed nervously at his harsh tone.

"Oh! Looks! Uhm... beans... my mom wanted some..." (Y/n) said as she noticed the cans and went to pick up a few, which wasn'tthe best idea as they were high up and she hhad to tip toe. Sae stared at her back silently.

'Why is he so cold? And what am I going to do with beans?!' She thought while sweating.

'So adorable.' He thought. He was interrupted by a sudden crash being heard to his left.

"What..." He muttered and looked back, only to find that some guy had tripped and the things he was holding fell on the ground.

'Such an idiot. How can one be so stupid to trip on nothing? Losers all around-'

"Ow!" Sae turned to look back at (Y/n), who had fallen on the ground with a can of beans next to her. The boy's heart stopped beating for a moment as he noticed her frown.

'So adorable! She is so cute.' Sae felt his cheeks dust a bright pink as he observed her face.

'That frown... literally could give anyone diabetes.' Sae thought when a boy around their age approached her, extending his hand out in the process

"Miss, are you alright? Let me help you up-"

Before the guy could finish, Sae was already there, hand grabbing onto (Y/n)'s.

"I will help you. Mind your business." The boy looked at Sae and flinched as he noticed the glare.

"S-sorry."He said back as he quickly backed away.

"That was so weird." (Y/n) muttered.

"Yeah, weird." Sae said, going back to his usual stoic face as (Y/n) got up.

"Thank you,Sae-san. Sorry for embarrassing you like this-"

"You didn't. Accidents happen." The words and much softer tone from Sae startled (Y/n) a little.

"Uh... are you sure?" She asked nervously.

"Of course. Come on now. We need to look for our brothers." Sae hummed as he dragged her away.

'Her hands are so soft.' Sae thought as he looked down at the hand he was holding.

'Why is he glaring at my hand?!' She gulped in fear.

A week later...

'This is so awkward....' (Y/n) thought as she looked out of the window, trying to distract herself by looking at the snow falling. Now, why would she be distracting herself? Easy answer! Sae Itoshi was sitting right across from her, staring/glaring into her soul.

'Oh! He is probably mad that Yoichi still didn't agree on joining Re Al! Ahhh, poor me!' She cried inwardly.

'Ahh~ she looks even cuter today! (F/c) definitely suits her! My adorable angel! How can someone so clumsy be so graceful?' Sae put his had over his chest. Heartbeat on an all time increase.

"Here you go, sir, miss. Ice tea and hot chocolate. Enjoy." A waitress said, putting down the beverages.

"Ah! Thank you." (Y/n) smiled at the woman as Sae nodded his head.

'That smile! Nobody compares to it-'

"Ouch!"

"Are you alright?" Sae turned to the couple sitting to his right,curious as to what happened.

"Yeah, it's just that I burned my tongue on the coffee. I wasn't aware how hot it was." The man answered, clearly embarrassing by it.

'Can't these people think for themselves?! It's coffee! A hot beverage, of course it will be hot-'

"Aww, hot hot hot." (Y/n) silently chanted, putting her hot chocolate away. Sae, alarmed, turned to look at her.

"Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah... I just burned my tongue on my hot chocolate." She laughed a little with a flushed face. Sae blinked at her for a moment.

'Ahh! Her cheeks look so adorable! It's alright, (Y/n). Let me help you! She is so cute, I could never be mad at her. It's the hot chocolate's fault anyways. Why was it so hot?' Sae glared at the beverage as he handed her his ice tea.

"Take a little bit of it. The cold will help your tongue."

(Y/n) blinked at it for a minute.

"But it's yours-"

"I don't care, drink it." Sae demanded.

"Ok." She said back, taking the cup and taking a few sips.

'You will be dealt with.' The pro-player thought, glaring at the abandoned hot chocolate.

"So... today's meet up wasn't about Yoichi?" (Y/n) wondered as both her and Sae walked down the street. The boy nodded for what felt like the 10th time. Usually, he would feel annoyed if he had to repeat himself, but that wasn't the case here.

'It's my fault, I should have been more clearer with my answers.' He thought, even if he said 9 times a clear 'no.'

"Oh... Then why did you invite me-" The girl cut herself off as she slipped on the ice. Closing her eyes, she was prepared to hit the ground, but instead felt two arms wrap themselves around her.

"Whew! That was close, are you hurt?" Sae thought, feeling his anxiety spike a little. Opening her eyes, (Y/n) looked up at him and shook her head.

"N-no, I am fine. Don't worry."

Sae nodded his head, keeping his arms still wrapped around her as they stood there in silence for a moment.

"Y-you can let go of me now." The girl said in embarrassment, and Sae was about to agree when something hit him.

'What if she slips again and falls for real?! What if someone pushes her to the ground?! What if she hits herself?! No! I can't let that happen!' The boy nodded to himself.

"What are you doing?!" (Y/n) exclaimed as Sae lifted her up into his arms as started carrying her.

"Just making sure."

"S-sure?! For what? S-Sae-san, this is embarrassing." (Y/n) said as her face turned a dark red.

'So adorable!!' Sae thought, ignoring the confused stares of the people around them.

'She is so soft~' He sighed, looking down at her dreamily.

[chaewillriot]

*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*

RENTING A BEACH HOUSE WITH THE GANG!

(SBG X FEM! READER)

PART 2 / ?

"Why do you keep tossing in sweets? Do you want us to have diabetes?" Tyler scowls as he watches Aiden scavenge for more items; it seems like he's searching for a specific brand. The blonde doesn't look back at him but tells him to shut up with a single hand gesture.

Tyler groans, running a hand across his face. He has to mentally restrain himself from smacking the shit out of the dumbass. "Why are you like this?"

Ben quickly jots down a few words on his notepad before tapping Tyler's shoulder.

"It's for [y/n]. She loves gummies."

Tyler's face seemed to soften for a brief second but he immediately replaces it with another scowl. Damn, just the thought of you munching on some gummies made him feel weak. Your cheeks would look so cute all puffed up and—

He quickly dismisses the thought.

"Fine, whatever. Do what you want." The brunet ultimately sighs. Maybe, just maybe, he could let it slide this one time.

"Oh, but remember to not eat much! Those things aren't healthy." Logan reminds everyone even though he knows those packs of sweets are for you. Everyone just nods in agreement.

Back with the girls, all three of you weren't that happy to have waited an extra forty minutes for the boys to arrive. Although that anger subsides as today's supposed to be a day to have fun. After paying for the snacks and swimsuits, you all head to the van in the parking lot.

"Aiden, what are you doing?" You couldn't help but ask as you see him crawling on the floor. "You look like a caterpillar."

"Shush." He quickly says.

Tyler sees him acting all idiotic again so he calls him out to the driver. "Hey, mister. Someone's not in their proper sea—"

Aiden, hearing this, hits his head on the edge of one of the seats as he tries to get up from the ground. He silently curses and scurries back to his seat in the rear with Ben.

Everyone stifles in a laugh when they see that happening.

"Calling him out? They're acting like children again.." You mutter under your breath and Logan, who's sitting beside you, lets out a small giggle.

"Well, they're just enjoying their youth." He smiles at you. You smile back at him and reach out to fix his glasses so its not hanging off at the edge of his nose.

The trip would take a while, so you take a nap on Logan's shoulder. He didn't mind. He even intertwines both your fingers together. Everyone else saw that happening but tried not to let it get to their heads. There's plenty more time to bond with you at the Beach House.

By the time the bus comes to a stop, everyone was excited to step off the bus. Logan couldn't get his bags because you were still asleep on his shoulder. He got help from Ben, who easily carried you in his arms while you slept. No one had the heart to wake you up. You looked too cute.

You continued to nap while Ben carried you bridal style in his arms and into the resort. Aiden follows closely behind, carrying your bags and his.

Taylor feels really proud for being able to pull this one off with all of you. After all those hangouts that had been canceled.. This one really paid off. "This is it, guys. We're finally here!"

Ashlyn smiles at her excitement. She takes a look around. "Where do we check-in?"

The area was mostly just Beach Houses, and of course, the beach. The hotel shouldn't be that far. Taylor looks back at the group. "Hm, I'll go ahead and find the receptionist. Some of you guys should stay here. I think there's still a few stuff we've left at the van."

She loops an arm around Ashlyn and Logan, dragging the two to walk on the pebbled ground that probably leads to the hotel. "We'll get going then!"

Tyler sighs. He turns around to face Ben, who's still holding you. He'd be lying if he told himself he didn't want to hold you like that too.

"We should check up on the van," Then he turns to Aiden. "And you, moron. Stay here and don't do anything stupid."

Aiden didn't appreciate the nickname but he did appreciate being left alone, cause that would mean..

Ben gently transfers you to his cousin's arms since he didn't want to wake you up if he's going to get the rest of the luggage. Before he turns to leave with Tyler, he makes a little gesture pointing at your sleeping form, as if he's silently reminding the blonde to keep you safe. He's a bit reluctant as he knows Aiden's tiny (huge) crush on you.

Once the two of you are left alone, Aiden looks down at you, still maintaining that goofy grin on his face. He feels like he won the lottery getting to hold you like this.

"Hehehehe..."

It didn't take long for Taylor, Ashlyn, and Logan to come back. They were able to check-in and get the keys for the Beach House all of you will be staying in for the week. What they didn't expect to see is the luggages scattered on the ground and Aiden carrying you to the shore.

"Aiden!" Taylor almost shrieks out. "Don't you dare drop [y/n]!"

Ashlyn wasted no time running after the boy in order to save you incase Aiden drops you into the water, and Logan runs off to the direction where the van's supposed to be.

By the time Ashlyn caught up, Aiden just keeps running with you still in his arms, even laughing his ass off. Unfortunately, it's been long since you've woken up, but you have no idea what the hell's going on.

Taking a peek over Aiden's shoulder, you almost jump. Ashlyn seems pissed and she's sprinting towards the both of you.

Tyler and Ben came running back in a hurry because of Logan telling them about the commotion. Seeing Ashlyn chasing after Aiden, Ben joins in. He's more worried for you right now.

"Hey, dumbass! I'll kill you if you drop her!" Tyler yells. He couldn't do much as knows he can't catch up at this rate. Aiden's running too far now.

In the end, all of you managed to get back to the Beach House unscathed. Luckily, no one got wet. You're squished on the sofa in between Ashlyn and Tyler. It seems like they're shielding you from Aiden. Their glare could kill, no kidding.

"Petition to not let Aiden near [y/n] anymore?" Taylor suggested.

"Agreed." Everyone says (Ben writes it down) in unison, leaving the blonde with no room for arguments.

*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*

[buddiefix]

Fake Dating/Didn't Know They Were Dating Fic's (Part 1)

The following are some buddie fanfiction involving fake dating, or the characters realizing they've been partners all along.

What If I Fall In Love Backwards? by RedRidingStiles 

9-1-1 (TV)  

"I feel like we should go save him," Chimney said as he and Hen loaded their drunk and injured patient into the back of the ambulance (day drinking and balconies do not mix), nodding his head towards the small swarm of college girls surrounding a highly uncomfortable Buck. "And by we I mean you, Eddie." "Yeah I got this," Eddie reassured, cupping one hand around his mouth before shouting, "Hey Buckley!" "What's up, Hot Stuff?" Buck called back, his eyes holding crystal blue relief as they met Eddie's across the lawn. Eddie tried to bite back his amused smile but didn't succeed when his next words had Buck grinning like a complete fool. "You. Me. Tonight. Wear something pretty." "Edmundo Diaz, are you trying to ask me out on a date?"

 —or—

five Times Buck and Eddie saved each other by pretending to be together and the one time Christopher helps

Language: English Words: 9,879 Chapters: 1/1

baby, say you'll always keep me by hattalove

9-1-1 (TV)  

“Yeah,” Eddie says, and the darkness behind his eyelids takes on a white edge. “Be good. Nice to be married,” he yanks on Buck’s t-shirt, “best friend.” Finally, Buck takes a breath that sounds off somehow, but he laughs too, and that sounds normal, Eddie thinks. A normal laugh. “Sure, Eds,” he says, and there’s his hand in Eddie’s hair again, a puff of breath on the crown of Eddie’s head like Buck leaned in to press a kiss there and then stopped, but why would he stop—“I’ll marry you if you remind me tomorrow.”

—or—

The one in which joking about being married to your best friend is all fun and games, right up until you realize that you're not laughing.

Language: English Words: 8,251 Chapters: 1/1

I Hate Accidents (Except When We Went From Friends to This) by morganofthefairies 

9-1-1 (TV)  

“You should just move in,” Eddie said one night.  They were already laying in bed, Buck’s face half-buried in his pillow. “Where would I sleep, Eddie,” Buck deadpanned, sleep heavy in his voice. “Here,” Eddie said, not entirely sure how Buck missed that part.  “The same place you’ve been sleeping.” Bobby raised an eyebrow when Buck updated his address on all of the necessary paperwork, but Eddie wasn’t entirely sure what the big deal was.

—or—

The story of how Buck and Eddie went about their relationship in entirely the wrong order.

Language: English Words: 7,206 Chapters: 1/1

we could follow the sparks, i’ll drive by markofalover

9-1-1 (TV)  

“Oh! You must be Mr. Diaz!” someone says from behind him, and Buck spins around clumsily, all long legs, to find a woman with a Miss Perez tag stuck to her blouse. She’s smiling politely, white teeth against red lips, and it takes just a second too long to process what she says.

—or—

everyone thinks Buck is the other Mr. Diaz.

Language: English Words: 6,539 Chapters: 1/1

i'd never let you fall and break your heart by autistic_nightfury

9-1-1 (TV)  

Four times Buck and Eddie pretended to be in a relationship so people wouldn't bother them, and the one time they actually were together.

Language: English Words: 5,808 Chapters: 1/1

Say Cheese by S_lycopersicum

9-1-1 (TV)  

"Um... anything left to get?" "Snacks for that girl who has diabetes. Amy, Audrey, uh..." "Abby." "Pfff... I'd remember if she was called Abby," Buck half-heard Eddie say, but his focus was on the other end of the grocery store aisle, where at 11pm at night his ex-girlfriend Abby Clark was carefully assessing two different brands of provolone.

Language: English Words: 4,927 Chapters: 1/1

of bake sales and overdue realizations by brewrosemilk

9-1-1 (TV)  

Eddie doesn’t notice it until it becomes a thing that happens even when it’s just him and Buck, without Chris anywhere near them - but even then, he doesn’t find it strange, or give it much thought. Buck is the one who starts ending their phone calls with a quick ‘love you’ but it doesn't take long before Eddie does the same, often beating him to it. It’s never a big deal - most of the time it’s something along the lines of;

‘Hey, can you grab some milk on your way over? We’re out.’ ‘Yeah, yeah, I got it.’ ‘Great, love you.’ ‘Love you.’

Before long, they’re even doing it in texts.

Language: English Words: 4,823 Chapters: 1/1

the secrets we keep (the ones that spill out) by sparegarbage

9-1-1 (TV)  

The 118 is a close-knit family. It’s not surprising given how much time they spend together: endless hours at the firehouse, barbecues on the weekends, the occasional night at the bar. They’re a family, yes... but Buck and Eddie don’t have to tell them everything. They’re allowed their secrets, really, and it’s not… weird. Really, it’s not. It’s just that sometimes the 118 asks too many questions, and sometimes there’s just no good (or clear or logical) way to explain. Exhibit A: How Buck ended up in Eddie’s bed during a sleepover (and how he’s been sleeping there most nights since).

—Or—

Buck and Eddie comfort each other with cuddles, hugs, and kisses (platonically—or so they think).

Language: English Words: 4,624 Chapters: 1/1

With(out) A First Date by firstdegreefangirl

9-1-1 (TV)  

Buck and Eddie become boyfriends. Six months later, they start dating.

Language: English Words: 10,282 Chapters: 13/13

it's always been you by coupe_de_foudre

9-1-1 (TV)  

“What do I normally get from there?” Eddie asks him, chin settled back onto his shoulder. “The kung pao chicken.” he answers almost instantaneously, having all of Eddie’s usual take-out orders memorised by now. It comes in handy for when they need to get food in quick whilst navigating work and Christopher. It’s not weird. He, unfortunately, misses the odd look that Maddie sends him. As well as the way that Hen hides a snicker behind a cough.

Language: English Words: 8,700 Chapters: 6/6

(Friendly reminder I do not own any of the works listed in this post, and all can be located on archiveofoureown.org)

[dieabadass]

When you find out your husband and the disgusting ogre he cheated on you with tried stealing your identity and thats the reason I couldn’t get health insurance this whole time and had to pay thousands of dollars out of pocket for my life saving medication I take everyday and got the bill from her hospital stay last year…. It’s a good thing she’s fucking dead cuz id kill her if she was still living.

I found myself apologizing to this female , trying to do anything I could to get my husband back and said sorry for acting out as any wife / girlfriend / husband / boyfriend or partner would in this situation. Yet somehow she victimized herself, made it as if she was the one who was in the right, tried to fill my shoes LITERALLY. She stole my dog my husband got for me for my birthday, harassed my family with texts upon texts of threats against my life and put me down for having a medical condition saying : she and my husband couldn’t wait for the phone call we’re my mom ( who was battling stage 3b colon cancer at the time ) to call them with the news that I finally died & rid the world of me and the burden I put on everyone with my type 1 diabetes and level of care I need and that everyone could finally move on with their lives especially the two of them without me here.

She convinced my husband that I somehow hacked into her phone and sent myself all these messages and that she was the innocent one in all of this…. Seriously flattering & wish I could have thought of that one first but the amount of work and effort to actually hack into someone’s phone was impossible for even me to do… I even had receipts and proof after proof of shit printed from my account to show the time stamps were the texts were sent from and everything it still didn’t matter. It got to the point were I was lower then I’ve ever been before, dealing with my own mental health, sobriety and from all the years of never really taking care of myself the abuse on my own body was catching up to me and had to face some serious medical stuff no one should have to face alone , ESPECIALLY without the person they needed most. Funny looking back at all this now and all this happening October 2022 and her laughing at the thought of me possibly dying and the last thing I ever said to her was to watch her mouth and words because one day she might choke on those very words and shed pay for her own karma and a year later to the date October 2023 she drops dead like a fly from a blood clot in her lungs literally choking on her own words….. huh funny…..right?

So yeah

THANK THE UNIVERSE AND THE GODS FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED BECAUSE IN THE END I FOUND MYSELF AGAIN, AND I MAY BE FAR FROM PERFECT BUT I WILL NEVER EVER BE ANYTHING LIKE THAT HORRID GIRL. MY HEART AND WHATS LEFT OF IT WOULD NEVER ALLOW ME TO BEYRAY PEOPLE AS SHE DID OR ACT IN MALICE AS SHES DONE TO SO MANY PEOPLE. THE GOOD PART OF ME FORGIVES HER AND FEELS SAD FOR HER BUT THE BETTER HALF OF ME REMINDS ME THAT IF IT WAS SWITCHED AROUND AND SHE COULD HAVE IT HER WAY SHE WOULDNT SHOW ME ANY MERCY, AND TO FEEL BAD OR SAD ABOUT IT FOR NO MORE THEN A FEW SECONDS AND THEN BE REMINDED THAT EVEN THROUGH THE WORST TIMES THERES ALWAYS A REASON AND LESSON AND BEAUTIFUL MEANING BEHIND EVERYTHING EVEN IN THE UGLIEST PEOPLE OR THINGS

So again :

THANK YOU KARMA FOR TAKING CARE OF THAT AWFUL HUMAN BEING AND MAY SHE ROT BENEATH THE GROUND WITH THE WORMS FOR ALL ETERNITY FOR NO ONE TO EVER SEE OR HEAR FROM AGAIN EVEN IN THE INFINITE LIVES AFTER THIS AND MAY MY SOON TO BE EX HUSBAND BE REMINDED EVERYDAY THAT IM HIS KARMA HE WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH AND HASNT EVEN SEEN ME DO MY WORST

Amen

Blessed be

Thank you GODESS NYX

Hekate

The gods

And the universe

Always having my back

And showing me there’s

Always light in a world full

Of darkness

🤍

LADIES & GENTLEMAN,HE/SHE/THEM AND ALL BEAUTIFUL PRONOUNS A-LIKE LISTEN UP :

KARMA IS REAL

KARMA IS JUST

KARMA IS BEAUTIFULLY FORGIVING AND EQUALLY UNFORGIVING

KARMA WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU AND EVERYTHING OR ANYTHING IN YOUR WORLD

IF YOUR KARMA IS GOOD, EVEN IF YOUVE MADE MISTAKES , WITH BALANCE AND PUTTING GOOD ENERGY AND LOVE BACK INTO YOUR LIFE

KARMA WILL TAKE OUT THE TRASH AND ALWAYS HAVE YOUR BACK.

i know this now forever and always more than anything

All I had to do was believe in my higher power/dietys & gods and put it all in their hands and let karma and the universe do the rest without even waving my powerful little pinky 🤙🏻

I’d tell you to ask my enemies

BUUUUUUTTTTTTTTT…….

😎💀👻💀😵👻👹restinpiss💀😈👹😵 🪦🪦🪦 🔥

What and who was I talking about Again? Oh ya that’s right! See? Out of sight out of mind forever dealing with karma somewhere terrible and ugly and unforgiving serving out their karma for infinity ♾️

Amen

[hehey9098]

Loving you to death

Hey, I’m new in Tumblr.My second language is english, i hope my writing is good.It's a bit of a dark story, but I hope you enjoy it.

I remember when you were chubby, just chubby. When you could still walk and get out of bed, when you woke up and looked at me and told me it was the best for you. But everything took a 360 degree turn when you, the usual fat man… became motionless.

————————————————————————————————

“Honey, I'm just worried,” you told me, almost stopping eating. “My chest hurts lately, you know?”

“Yes I know, I think it's because of your fat family… with their heart problems and all that”

“Do you think I should visit the hospital? I mean, I used to leave the house, but now…”

“Oh fat man, we already talked about this, do you want people to see you like that? With your fat belly hanging out and your huge, greasy cheeks” - I scoffed a little - “how do I put you in the wheelchair?”

“You're right, you're the only one who really loves me,” her eyes were wet. “But you always leave the house and I'm scared.”

“Afraid of what?” “Are you afraid of running out of food while I'm not home?” I laughed out loud and he just looked at me sadly.

“No, you know what happens to fat people like me… heart attacks, cardiac arrests”- he said almost crying- “I don't want to die yet my love, I want to stay with you”

“What do you mean? You will stop eating for fear of death” - I walked away from his body - “You with your nonsense, I will be happy with you if you continue eating”

“Yes honey, I am gaining weight and I will continue to do so… we have our goal, right? I'll reach 450 kilos like you want,” he tried to smile but he seemed scared.

“Of course you'll keep swallowing if that's what you do all day,” I told him as he squished his cheeks. “Also, little one, why don’t we eat pizza?”

I fed him day after day, more and more each day, but there came a point where I stopped feeling love for him. I always wanted Agus to be eating, every part of him excited me… but only excitement without love. That night while we were in bed, I noticed him agitated.

-Rubí, I can't breathe- she was extremely agitated, but she was already prepared- Rubí, help me.

I hooked him up to an oxygen tank instantly, it was about time… I found it quite strange that he hadn't needed it before.

“Ruby, I'm hungry, please feed me,” he pleaded as she clutched her stomach.

“You already swallowed 8 minutes ago, I won't give you any more food” I feigned annoyance “Besides, pigs don't talk and you're just my pig”

“Ruby” He said with tears in her eyes. “Can I go to a hospital?” I'm not going to live anymore and you know it”

“You never know when our death will be, stop being an idiot” I sighed Stop talking, now I will feed you… I want to see how your fat expands

“Rubí, you only wanted me for your satisfaction” he closed his eyes and cried again ��why can't you love me? I thought you wanted us to spend a life together”

“Agus, for me right now it's easier to see you as a pile of fat just to satisfy me” I said smiling.

“I thought you loved me too, I will be fat…maybe my heart has filled with fat and my blood has sugar because of my irresponsibility with my diet, but I have feelings and you played with my life and my health”

“You are my pig, I will not leave you in a hospital… the day you die will be when you eat your last bite”

“Rubí my love… I am your prisoner, at least love me in this time that you have left with me” I sigh tiredly

“Agus, I can't love a pig like you”

Rolls and rolls of butter piled up on the bed, her fat arms and deformed legs… his cheeks were big and she was constantly sweating even though she did nothing. He had a sad look and I know that his health was in danger, while he was sleeping one night I took blood samples and understood about his diabetes, hypertension and other problems.

That night Agus had headaches and again clutched his heaving chest. He was eating hamburgers while he told me nice things and that he loved me. I looked at him with guilt for not taking him to the hospital, but I didn't want a diet for him, I just wanted him to gain weight so his face would be full of fat. I didn't think he really loved me until that damn night.

"Rubí, what do you think… if we have a romantic date at home," he told me with a small smile on his face. "Like when we were young."

“A date, huh? With wine and food for both of us?” I said taking him by the hand -“The two of us eating at the table? Fat man, you are immobile

“But with luck we can both be at the table, with your help and that of the firefighters” his eyes were hopeful “Plus it would be nice to have a date with candles and that”

“Of course, while stuffing yourself with food? I would be embarrassed if the strong, sexy firefighters saw me with a motionless pig.” I looked him into his eyes. “Can you imagine what they would say: “poor woman living with a disgusting pig who doesn't even know how to bathe.”

Agus looked down and I realized that I made him feel bad for my comments. I grabbed him by the chin and told him to look me in the eyes. His teary eyes broke me.

“Honey, I'm disgusting, right? You always have to humiliate me, I don't like it when you do it. Because I treat you like a goddess and you just make fun of me.”

“Oh come on, I was just joking” I smiled “You're not going to feel bad just because of some comments…”

“The comments are always there. You always humiliate me. Like when you told your friends: "He's very fat and I feel sorry for him," he wiped away his tears.

I left the room, I hate when Agus gets so dramatic. I don't have time for that sentimental shit.

August:

It was a bleak afternoon at home, my wife was at work, but I had a surprise for her. I put on my new shirt with tie and shorts… I felt agitated again, but it was worth it. I left the Chinese food that was our favorite on the bed and bought some candles and wine. I even combed my hair and shaved, I wanted him to realize when he arrived that I'm not disgusting and I try to do everything possible to make him notice me like before.

The door opened and she entered the room, I was very nervous and scared. She looked at me and sat on the bed without saying anything.

"Why are you doing this?" She said with disgust: "I'm tired, take this off the bed and let me sleep."

"Oh come on, don't play hard to get," I smiled. "He's from your favorite restaurant and do you notice anything different about me?"

"Maybe we can enjoy the food," she said, tasting it. "You look good little pig, what I said on Thursday about you being disgusting isn't true."

I knew that Rubí did not take care of my health, she only felt excited by my body and although what she told me hurt me… I had to accept it. I, however, loved her too much and she knew it, he was still the same shy, polite and romantic boy. I remember that when we were teenagers she would go on weekends to talk to her father to let her go out with me.

“What's wrong my fat man?” She took my hand. "What are you thinking?" “She said,” she said, wiping a tear from my fat cheek.

"You were my first love and you will be the only one I will always have" I sighed "We have been through so much… I want to stay with you forever."

“I know, but I don't want you to lose weight… if I take you to the hospital, the first thing they will put you on will be a diet.”

“I can die and you act like you don't care about my death.” I felt hurt at that moment and cried harder. “Rubí… when was the last time you told me 'I love you'?”

“I don't know, it was a long time ago” she drank some wine.

"I know, it's been a long time since you kissed my lips" I looked down. “It's been a long time since you hugged me.

I approached my wife and kissed her, she followed me. When she ended the kiss I moved again, I blushed… I had no idea why. I looked at her a little longer and prepared to hug her as she told her that she loved her. We drank wine and I was satisfied with the food, I put my chubby hand on my stomach.

That night she hugged me, she pampered me and above all she fed me but my body couldn't resist. My heart that always beat for her, stopped doing so. Some doctors said it was because of a diabetic coma and others because my heart was no longer working well. But Rubí knows that before she died she told him one last “I love you.”

💕💕

Story I wrote months ago, I guess I got bored and just put words. As a good FFA that I am, I write about the best thing that exists: “Fat men so greedy that they eat until they die”

[mm-lurking]

Die for you (Wriothesley)

Originally written for a friend, modified to suit readers. Wriothesley x fem! reader, no warnings needed, just pure fluff and diabetes I guess (Wriothesley + tension = best combo) Word count: 1379 --- I’m finding ways to articulate the feelin’ I’m going through

He knows she’s watching him. He can see it from the corner of his eyes. The Duke is perceptive after all, he is able to observe his surroundings easily. Why is it that any room he steps into, he looks for her first? Why is it when he scans the crowd he wants to see her figure?

I just can’t say I don’t love you

She watches him from a distance, afraid to get close and let her feelings slip. Clamy hands, flushed face, increased heartrate…she is no fool, she knows she’s fallen for him.

Cause I love you

He straightens his tie and clears his throat, not to the words coming out of the Pankraton ring’s manager’s mouth, but because he’s starting to feel like he’s suffocating from her eyes on him. He wants her attention, he wants her gaze yet he cannot handle it well.

It’s hard for me to communicate the thoughts that I hold

How many times has he tried to say something to her but only fail miserably? He has lost count about the amount of times he has nearly blurted out how he feels and covered it up with some nonsense that somehow sounded convincing to her.

But tonight I am gon’ let you know

How long is he going to continue hiding it from her? It's been weeks, months even. Why was he so afraid of letting her know? It's not like he was going to perish if she rejected him. He manages to finish his conversation with the manager and turns in her direction finally, only to see her gone. She left...

Let me tell the truth

He calls her to his office that night. And to his surprise she doesn't refuse, nor does she question it. He had asked a guard to forward his request to her in the dormitories and she sent back a message saying she agreed. Frankly, he wasn't sure if this was the right way to do this but he didn't what else to do. He needed an answer from her in the privacy of his office just in case things didn't go the way he wanted.

You know what I'm thinkin' see it in your eyes

The office door closes behind her and silence falls. She can hear the soft music of the gramophone playing and the rustling of papers but aside from that it is dead silent. The sudden change of atmosphere from the noisy machines outside makes her nervous and all the physical signs of her feelings rush back into her body. Slowly she walks up the stairs and finally faces him, the very man that's been playing with her heart. Neither knows that the moment they make eye contact, their heart rates shoot up beyond understanding.

You hate that you want me, hate it when you cry, you're scared to be lonely, specially in the night

It is for the first time she notices that he is breathing more heavily than usual. His face is flushed and he pulls on his tie continuously, fidgeting with it. Neither have broken eye contact yet.  These signs..., she thinks to herself, is he...? Does he feel the same way I do? Her eyes widen and she tightly clasps her hands. No...no way...

I'm scared I will miss you, happens everytime, I don't want this feeling, I can't afford love

He finally looks away and clears his throat. What should he say? What can he say? He pretends to look through a document and audibly mumbles a hi. She greets him back in a shy manner and silence falls once more. Unable to handle the fast beating of her heart she attempts small talk.

“So you wanted to see me?”

I try to find reason to pull us apart

“Yeah regarding your jail release papers.”

Lies. That was not why he wanted to see her. Here he was, avoiding the topic once again, just as he had been for the past few months. The woman curiously looks at him and tilts her head.

“Your Grace my sentence is not complete for another twenty years…I killed my friend’s perpetrator, remember?”

“Oh.” 

Of course, how could he forget? When he had first seen her papers he was immediately fascinated at the willpower she had exercised to commit such an act. A lifetime of jail and yet she chose to go this far. Somehow it reminded him of his own story…

It ain’t workin’ ‘cause you’re perfect and I know that you’re worth it

He slams the document down on the table and she flinches. He was upset at himself, frustrated at himself for being so stupid and silly. Why was he behaving like this? How hard was it to say three words?! 

“Y-your Grace…?”

He realises she was still in front of him and gets up to apologise. She watches him press the temples of his head before sighing.

“Forgive me, I just- this doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

She nods but her eyes are still wide. Something is off about him, she notes. I think he likes me but this is just…unexpected.

I can’t walk away, oh

“You.”

He walks around his table and finally stands in front of her. His heart is racing and his face is flushed again but he pushes through. She watches him, observing all his features, his large muscular biceps, the way his chest heaves up and down, the way his shirt is so tight that one button is all it would take to pop it off…she observes everything except his eyes. She can’t look into them no matter how hard she tries.

“There is something I would like you to know.”

He continues slowly. She blinks and he takes it as a sign to continue.

Even though we’re goin’ through it and it makes you feel alone, just know that I would die for you.

“I, I like you.”

He slowly says, exhaling with each other almost as if making sure he’s saying it correctly. She takes a step back out of shock and stares at him, her heart rate absolutely out of this world and her face so red even a tomato would be put to shame. His fists are balled up, afraid of rejection and afraid to know her reaction. The anxiety that races through him is one he has never felt. A few moments of silence follows as he waits for her answer.

Baby I would die for you, yeah

“I…I like you to your Grace…”

She shyly says while fidgeting with her fingers. She stares at the ground and her hair forms a curtain preventing her face from being seen. It’s a good thing he cannot see the cheeky smile she has on her face which has formed from amusement and disbelief. He stares at her in shock, not believing the words coming out her mouth.

The distance and the time between us, it’ll never change my mind ‘cause 

“You like me too?”

He asks her wanting to make sure he’s hearing it right, that this isn’t some hallucination of his from the twenty cups of tea he drinks. She stands tall and finally looks into his eyes with conviction.

“I like you. Very much.”

Baby I would die for you

“Well its a good thing we both feel the same way.”

He chuckles and smirks, the anxiety and nervousness vanishing as if it was never there in the first place. She smiles at how he returns to his normal self.

“So what are we?”

“Feelers.”

“Your Grace!”

“Call me Wriothesley, that title sounds too formal coming from you.”

“As you wish…Wriothesley.”

They both chuckle and she takes a step closer. He looks at her in confusion, unsure what she was planning. She tilts her head upwards and tiptoes causing his lips to almost touch hers. They both look at each other for a moment before letting go of the hesitation. He finds his arms snake around her waist automatically and hers wrapping around his neck. In the privacy of the office, no one would interrupt their kiss.

Baby I would die for you, yeah.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ ©mm-lurking 2024 do not copy, steal or reuse my work.

[maelysgriffonne]

Phil knew something was wrong with Etoiles the second he didn't notice Phil when he walked directly to face him. Probably he was lost in thought but the French man would have still seen him, he only reacted when the little light that sometimes showed around him seemed to get agitated and Phil started to speak to him.

When they all got to the red base Phil noticed that Roier seems to stay close to Etoiles and sometimes seems to tell him what's in front of him. The crow hybrid knew Baghera and Cellbit noticed too but didn't voice their worry. After finally arriving at the base Phil managed to get Etoiles on the side to ask him if everything was okay but the others simply brushed him aside saying that everything was fine then turned around to join the others, definitely hitting stuff on his way.

It stayed like this for a day, Phil asking Etoiles if he was okay and Etoiles told him he was fine and that he should stop worrying. But Phil keep noticing things proving otherwise, Etoiles keep hitting into stuff even if it's right in front of him, keeping his hand on the walls, saying people name out loud and wait until they respond or touch him, Roier staying close to him just at reaching point as if to tell Etoiles that he is indeed her, his white milky eyes with very faint star in them. Stuff kept adding up and Phil finally added enough when Jaiden told him something Etoiles told her when she asked about his eyes.

So after everyone left the base he pulled Etoiles aside for a last time. He knew what was happening but he wanted the warrior to confirm it, "So mate when were you going to tell me" Phil ask looking directly at Etoiles eyes ignoring the littles lights spinning around "What are you talking about Phil??" Etoiles was still smiling has if nothing was fucking wrong and it was drinving Phil even more crazy then he already was because of this fucking island. "The fact that you actually lost you sight and only Roier seems to fucking know" Phil respond with a bit more anger then he should have seeing has Etoiles just froze, smile totally lost, "Oh ……" was the only thing he respond with.

"Oh, oh! Is that your only respond not, oh I'm sorry I should have told you, I shouldn't have hid it, do you wanna know how I fucking figure it out, when Jaiden come to me and told me that you told her that you couldn't see shit. For god sakes Etoiles stop hiding those type of shit!!!" Phil was screaming by the end of his little rent, he was so lost into it he didn't notice Etoiles seeming to shrink on himself, wrapping his tail around his legs to make himself smaller. "I'm sorry" his voice was so small and faint that Phil almost didn't hear it but he did and that what snapped him back, "I just didn't want to seems to be a burden, other thinking that they have to go less hard on me because of this stupid shit and my body going fucking against me, what type of leader i would have been if i let my team get hurt because they were worried about me" Etoiles explains to him while Phil took deep breath to calmed himself down.

After a minute of silence after Phil had finally calmed down he took both of Etoiles shoulders and pulled him in a hug, Etoiles tried to hide his flinch and froze up until melting into the hug. 'Starved-touched, when was the last time he received a hug' tough Phil but decided to go back to the main subject "King we will not think less of you and go easier on you nor you would be a fucking burden for something you can control but I have to ask how did it happen?", Etoiles just breath a sigh of resignation, looking ready to cry "At the end of the second day, I think it's both because of the code corruption and my diabete, I lied multiple time about taking care of my health when you ask me, i couldn't do it when i had to protect everyone, I should have see that coming I'm fucking dumb" He told with tears running down on his face, "No your not dumb Etoiles, you just have a heart of gold putting other health before you own" Phil simply hold him while the french man cried on his shoulder, bothering ending up sitting on the ground.

When Etoiles finally calmed down Phil got up helping him stand up and silently walking him to the resting place, when both were sitting on a bed Etoiles just layed down with his head on Phil's lap. Phil simply ran his hand through the wild white hair, looking as if Etoiles got more comfortable, close to falling asleep. "Sleep king, everything is going to be okay" Phil slightly smiled down before himself falling asleep.

If the team came back to see a sleeping duo with Phil having his arms tightly around Etoiles as if to protect him, nobody would say anything. If Cellbit ended up putting a cover over them then there was nothing to be said.

-------

The Blind!Etoiles headcanon leave in my head rent free, I had to do something about it and I was in a writing mood. My friend Botan did a beta reading and corrected some grammar errors :).

@botankirishima look I post it :D, are you proud of me ,:3 ??

[phuljari]

a think piece on how arnav singh raizada realised his feelings for khushi

of course, it would have been discussed numerous times before, we all know what happened and when it happened. i'm thinking more along the lines of why it happened this way. why did it take him so long to realise that these visceral reactions he has over her did not really stem from a place of hate, that hate was just a byproduct, a reaction, because he didn't realise what his emotions meant.

that it was altogether a new feeling, to be so consumed with thoughts of someone (whom you supposedly dislike). he tried so hard to run from those feelings, misdirecting them to hatred, disgust, apathy and what not. it was new— an unknown feeling that made him uncomfortable. i think in a way this echoes what i said earlier too, that arnav never really believed in love. which is why it took him ages to figure out why the hell he was so obsessed with someone who shouldn't even matter to him. i think what he hates the most about feeling attracted to khushi (aside from the fact that he never imagined himself with a girl like her? ie. see how he berates her: status, class, money, god-fearing etc) is the way she makes him feel— weak. and that's the feeling this man has rarely, if ever, felt for anyone outside his family.

also, elaborating on the statement that arnav didn't believe in love (even though no one asked for it lol), it is imperative to add that he has seen love exist, only barely, with nana-nani or whatever stories he heard about them and between mama and mamiji. but what else did he also see? that his dad cheated on his mom. that anjali's first wedding got broken off. and even though anjali was relatively happy with shyam— it wasn't a relationship he had experienced in his childhood, which is generally the time when your experiences shape you the most. so maybe he believed that love exists, to some degree, but not the whole unfiltered ~i would die for you~ love. remember how he convinced mamiji to accept payal? with the 'raizada' reputation? so he hadn't really experienced the best examples of love either.

unlike popular belief that arnav never felt deserving of love, i think that he never completely believed in it. especially not for a man like him who has to be careful around every turn because everyone around him is expecting to benefit from him. remember, this man is hella confident, and believes completely in himself (almost to the point of narcissism, esp in the early ipk days) and his ego is justified, afterall he did do a lot by himself and he's not bluffing about any of it. this man doesn't doubt himself, he could have anything he wanted. even love— that lavanya was willing to give him. but he doesn't believe in his ability to love, not after what he had seen with his parents.

which is exactly why this new confusing feeling, these obsessive thoughts about khushi, the way he felt weak and defeated in front of her was so absurd for him that he couldn't even realise that he was attracted to her. (with her, he has realised his ability to love, to want someone so desperately.) but instead he kept challenging her in order to make her feel weak and defeated. projecting much, sir?

and to be fair, arnav has mostly been a man of his words— truthful. if he said he didn't believe in love before he experienced it with khushi, it means he genuinely didn't. anyway, that's my take.

i have so much more to talk about this man!! for example how his diabetes is literally a metaphor because he can't have 'sweet' things in life?? 'sweet' here literally meaning happiness! happiness translation: khushi. and having diabetes compliments his character so well too? like he was cruel, cold-hearted and bitter (esp about his past, that he never could overcome) and so it aligned pretty well with khushi's 'meetha khaiye meetha boliye' kyuki arnav ko toh meetha bolna hi nahi aata! usse toh meetha mana hai na!

if you're still reading, thanks for sticking around lol

[oneshotnewbie]

Maybe a oneshot where B!D gets diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.

---

You sighed and ran your hand through your hair for seemingly the three hundredth time in half an hour while you were nervously waiting for your GP, who had summoned your sisters and you to her office.

For weeks you had no idea what was happening to you, denying every symptom as if it were kind of like a flu that caused them but didn´t break out properly; the excessive drinking and double the amount of urination, the increased hunger and urge to eat while losing weight and throwing up at the same time, getting up tired from a nine hour sleep and the weakness your body carried with it.

Not to mention the most violent mood swings your sisters have ever experienced with you.

The silence and your ongoing thoughts were interrupted by a heavy swing of the opening door before your doctor walked in. She was young, in her early thirties yet she was far better than anyone that has ever treated you in your life. "Hello, Y/n. Nice that you could come so quickly."

"You said it was urgent so I wasted no time."

Convincingly, she nodded with a soft smile and shook hands with each of your siblings in greeting. Wasting no time, your doctor settled into her much more comfortable looking chair than you were sitting in, being careful over her coat so it didn´t crumple under her.

"So Y/n, I have good and bad news." she started to speak, looking down at her tablet to review your blood results, letting the panic in you rise further with each second that passed. "The good news is; your blood results are almost perfect and you have no signs of kidney failure or anything close to the symptoms."

At that moment, an incredibly large stone fell from your heart and the adrenaline disappeared from your body. However, the panic was not immediately banned; only afterwards did you think about her choice of words and got stuck on one- almost.

"Almost perfect? Doctor, what does that mean?" Kara had taken the question out of your mouth; she too was probably confused by what the doctor said.

"Well, all but one." your doctor now shifted her gaze between the blonde and redhead, probably to add depth to her words. "An increased glucose value can be seen in your sisters venous plasma, and auto antibodies can also be detected in her blood, which should not normally be there."

Alex shifted uncomfortably in her seat and leaned further forward to rest her elbow on the young woman´s wooden desk. She had covered her mouth with her hand and widened worryingly her eyes at you as if she knew what was about to come.

After all, she was the only one of the three of your who had completed medical school.

"Y/n, unfortunately I have to tell you that you have type 1 diabetes." Your heart suddenly dropped and your stomach felt like a roller coaster, the lump in your throat expanded to an abnormal size. You slumped back in your seat, eyebrows furrowed in uncertainty.

Diabetes. You´d had it for roughly four weeks, hence why you felt like crap.

"For understanding; Type 1 Diabetes is a chronic autoimmune disease caused by your pancreas not producing enough insulin. Insulin is the principle hormone in regulating the glucose in your blood and without it, the glucose will not be absorbed properly, resulting in higher blood glucose levels. Higher glucose levels can result in polyuria and polydipsia which means an increase in urination and in thirst which you´re already going through- they are the first steps into this illness."

You only understood half of what she said to you, some words that she had in her vocabulary so complicated that you would have needed a dictionary and a ten-page guide if she wouldn´t explain to you how the further process would work.

"You need to start poke your finger with this little needle poker device here." From a drawer in her desk, she pulled out a burgundy, funny-looking thing and laid it in your hands that you had already outstretched, longing for this device that´s gonna save your ass probably more times that you´re going to count.

Your sisters also leaned into you to see for themselves what it was. They listened intently to offer you the best support they could give you, swallowing every information they could get. "And then you have this little thing here, which will read the level of your blood sugar. Also you have to inject yourself insulin manually into your leg or stomach- wherever you´re comfortable."

You rolled your eyes and put the thing back on the table; annoyed.

To put it into other words- type 1 diabetes was a fucking annoying disease where your body randomly decided to give you a big "FUCK YOU!" and stop giving your body what it craved. And unless you got it under control, your organs could fail.

But you didn´t seem aware of this.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hiya cas! i hope youre well 😊

so, i have some medical issues (nothing serious!! probably - im still waiting for a proper diagnosis but ive had a few appointments and tests etc and have been assured its nothing to be concerned about) and so i obviously have to go to hospital appointments sometimes for the aforementioned tests and discussions. it was scary at first (i hadnt been in a hospital since the day i was born up until this point, and i was 18 when i had my first of these appointments) but its easier now, but im still a little stressed

im not technically estranged from my family - i still live at home with both parents, and we're on decent enough terms - but we dont really have any sort of important conversations. or any personal conversations either. so i guess we're just not really close? idk. anyway, this has meant i have absolutely no idea what any of my family medical history is. i had to find out through my older sister that my father was diagnosed with diabetes four years ago (and she only found out because she worked at the pharmacy where he got his stuff from), and my eldest brother was the one who told me my grandparents' causes of death (they died before my birth and my parents never mention them), but they dont know any more than that either

this hasnt been an issue for me before, because obviously ive never needed to know. ive never been asked about it, but now that my own health isnt right, i kinda need to know. in my first appointment i got asked about it, but i told the doctor i didnt know and would ask at home

i did ask, to be fair. i spoke to my mother and explained why i needed to know but she just kind of... brushed it off? idk if thats the right way to phrase it. she said there was some vague thing about heart issues but she didnt say anything specifically, or which side of the family it came from, or anything all thay helpful at all

its so frustrating because im not the first of their kids to need this information. my sister has medical problems too (different issues than mine though) and our parents were no help with her either

i spoke to a friend about it last autumn when i first went to hospital and he looked at me so oddly, it made me feel so broken, i guess. apparently discussing medical history isnt a taboo subject in most households, because he knew all of his and he's never been to hospital for anything. but the way he looked at me like i was weird or something for not knowing was awful. again, it made me feel genuinely broken and damaged. it was kind of one of those moments where you realise 'oh, my family isnt normal' and it sucked, because i thought id had that realisation years ago

its happened with some other stuff too (i.e. telling parents about a relationship, friends, interests, spending time with family etc) and it just... it really sucks. i dont know what else there is to say than that ig lol

i was going somewhere with this ask, but ive kinda gotten off track and now i cant remember, soooo.... have a good day! thanks for reading my ramble 🥰

Hi hon!

I’m so sorry, whose moments of realization suck, truly. Please know that you did nothing wrong <3 

Because this is a health thing, I do have some advice for you (ignore me if you want!) There are forms on the internet that have questions about family history. Print one out and just give it to your mom and dad. Don’t give them room to question it. Say your doctor needs it, and you need them to fill it out.

I wonder, though, if your parents don’t share their history with you, they might not know their parents history. A lot of times, these kinds of things that happen in families are passed down. 

But yeah. Just give them a form and make it a health thing. You deserve that info. 

Again, please know that you are NOT broken, and it has nothing to do with you <3

(naming you medical anon)

[theredmaynefiles]

My Story: A Journey of Loss & Depression

Let me start by saying this isn't a blog about Eddie. I'm not sure why I'm even posting this here, except that for the longest time, I've needed some sort of outlet for some of the things I'm struggling with... and as this is my only blog, I guess this is it. Maybe someone out there will read this & be able to relate. Maybe it will help explain why my blog on Eddie has gone largely silent. Or maybe no one will even notice. Whatever. I need to get this out.

So first of all, hey there, I'm Marci. You know me as an Eddie Redmayne blogger, but I'm also a mom to a son who has ASD & a person who has dealt with what seems - to me, at least - to have been a lot of crap to cope with over the past 8 years. And I've reached a point where coping is more like just existing but more on that in a bit. Maybe.

My dad was always the strongest person I've ever known. He wasn't perfect, but he was one of those dads that could fix anything & always knew the answers to anything you want to know. In October 2013, my dad was diagnosed with cancer - specifically non-Hodgkins lymphoma. My family wasn't new to this particular diagnosis, as my brother, Jeff, was diagnosed with the same cancer in 1999. At this point, Jeff was considered in remission after successfully completing chemo & radiation treatment. So we thought we knew what to expect. Thing is, dad's cancer was in his stomach (my brother's started in his neck) & it was extremely aggressive. I became my father's caregiver. Besides cancer, he was diabetic & dealing with kidney failure. We saw doctors 3-5 times a week for the next year+. My dad went through 3 different types of chemo, including one clinical trial. None of it made any difference, and the cancer continued to spread. In January 2015, he was put on hospice, & in May 2015, my dad died. I wasn't entirely unprepared for this - I mean he was on hospice, & I've worked at a hospital & nursing home, & seen how this sort of things goes many times, but seeing it happen to your own dad - & someone who was so freaking strong - was really rough. It was a horrible experience.

After dad passed, a lot of things changed. Jake & I moved into a house my dad had left us, leaving my mom (with whom I'd always had a very complicated relationship, to say the least) on her own. In late 2016, while watching 'Fantastic Beasts', Jake suddenly exclaimed, "Mom, Newt is autistic like me!" It caught my interest, & my blog was born of it. For the next year & a half or so, it was an amazing creative outlet for me. Eddie is an incredibly talented actor & a truly kind-hearted human being, who actually makes it a point to connect with his fans. I've spoken to him a few times during the fan interviews, & he even wrote me a letter during the pandemic, which was both shocking & awesome. To be honest, though, the best thing about my blog was meeting Charlotte, AKA @bespokeredmayne, who has become one of my dearest friends, & is an amazing person in her own right. (total shout out there!)

My mom didn't cope well with my dad’s passing, & in March 2018, she had a stroke. She died less than a month later. I've already said we had a complicated relationship - without going into that much more, my mom was a narcissist who enjoyed hurting people. My feelings about her are still not great, even after she's been gone for over 5 years. I have a lot of guilt about that, but it is what it is. What I don't understand is why, after she died, my creativity died, too. I couldn't blog anymore. Mind you, at this same time, I was dealing with some health issues - I'd been having mobility issues, which I started seeing a doctor for in early 2018, but mom's sudden passing kind of shunted all of that to the side. Still, I can't even begin to explain the way things changed for me, much less to understand why I was so affected.

The next year was okay, we went to England, which was a lifelong dream, & things seemed like they were mostly going well enough, despite my increasing mobility issues as well as memory issues. While sorting through all our parents' stuff to get their house ready to sell, my brother, Jeff, and I became closer - we'd always been reasonably close, I guess. We got along well as siblings, despite an age gap of just over 10 years (he was older). He'd looked out for me when I was  little & we were friends as adults, which is more than either of us could say about our other sibling, who has been estranged from us both since the 90s. So, yeah... we were pretty close.

So I mentioned about mobility issues, memory issues, etc. I had thought that at least part of this was some kind of ongoing complications from a car wreck I was in back in '95. Turns out, it wasn't - I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis 3 years ago. In the time since then, with the pandemic in full swing for much of the time, I became homebound. Besides the MS, I have asthma, & also a vaccine allergy. Between that & the autoimmune disease, I cannot be vaccinated, & I am at high rick for severe covid because of my health. Ironic, no? Add that to my increasing mobility issues & my life became more & more isolated.

The summer of 2021, my brother, in his 50s at the time, was diagnosed with heart failure. The cardiologist he was referred to said this was likely a complication of the chemo he'd had years earlier. In December 2021, just a few days before my birthday, he texted me that he was going to the e/r - this was around 2 in the morning. He texted me one more time after that, & then... nothing. I kept trying to get ahold of him, or the hospital, to find out what was going on, but no one answered until about 4 hours later, when I finally got someone at the e/r. To my absolute shock, she told me my brother was dead. He died less than an hour after his last text to me, of a sudden cardiac arrest. I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it. To this day, I cannot really cope with it. I don't know why it's hit me so hard - I see people who cope with loss & move on, & I did that with my parents, but this one, I couldn't. It was like it was too much, losing both parents & then my brother. It has destroyed me in some way. I'm not the person I was before. So much loss, & then everything else....

One the day my brother died, I went to the hospital to say goodbye to him. I didn't leave my house again until about 4 weeks ago when our cat needed the emergency vet. For a year & a half, I stayed home. (& I haven’t gone out again since bringing our cat home) I work from home as a data analyst. I pay my bills online, & have my groceries, etc, delivered. The only person I see is Jake. My world is so isolated & so depressing. I'm very limited in what I can physically do & that adds massively to the depression. Plus, & this will probably sound selfish, but it's true nonetheless, ever since my brother died, I've felt this sense of impending doom & hopelessness. Like I'm next & it's only a matter of time. I don't know what to do about any of it. I sit here, in my messy house (I hate mess, but I can't physically do most of the cleaning, & Jake doesn't really do cleaning, despite being a huge help to me in other ways) & I exist. Nothing much changes from one day to the next. I feel not only so depressed, but such a horrible anxiety about my life, & about what will happen to Jake if something happens to me. And yet I feel totally helpless to do anything to change any of it. I just feel so emotionally exhausted all the time, like I can't cope with anything at all.

So, yeah... that's me. If you've made it this far, you're probably either bored to tears or disgusted with my moaning. Still, if you've read this, thanks. If anyone reads it, at least I'm not keeping it all to myself anymore. Maybe offloading all of this here will somehow make it easier for me to cope with it. Either way, it's out!

[hermit-pride]

Day: 11. I got a notice in my mailbox today saying that my package could not be delivered because nobody was there to sign for it. USPS. The PS stands for Piece of Shite. Yes, we were home as evidenced by both vehicles being parked in the driveway. No, you didn't attempt to deliver. So tomorrow I get to drive ten miles to the post office to pick it up. No, we're not remote. Walmart, Petco, Office Depot and many other signs of civilization are all exactly five miles away. Ok rant enough.

So I was in the kitchen putting stuff away from our trip to Lake City and thought I better check on my wife who had been asleep in bed 10 minutes ago. I found her half in bed half out. Try as we might, we couldn't get her back into bed so she sat on the floor until she recovered her blood pressure enough for strength to stand up and get into bed; an hour after she took her meditation. Her blood pressure at first was 87/43. Mean arterial pressure (MAP) was 60. In the ER a blood pressure that low is likely to be placed on a continuous drip medication and sent to the ICU unless the blood pressure can be normalized some other way, like with loading her up with fluids. (All those things need to be done in an ER or ICU.

She then admitted that this happens occasionally and she doesn't consider it a fall because she eases herself to the floor.

Last year a similar situation happened while I was home asleep. She was getting off the toilet (apparently) and blacked out. She woke up in a pool of water. She had broken the toilet tank when she fell and the water was everywhere. She has Addison's disease and blood pressure regulation is often affected. There is no cure and she has to be on steroids the rest of her life. She has diabetes now because of the steroids and she has had fibromyalgia for at least 30 years. Last week she showed me her brush that was absolutely full of hair. Today she told me that she has lost about a third of it. And still losing. And with my effing schizoid personality I never know what to say when she needs to hear words of encouragement. She said I can go to Sweden or Switzerland because suicide is legal there. Stupid me should have thought it through. Wanna know what I said, "I think it is Switzerland". What a loser I am!

But by now she has learned that the stupid shite that comes out of my mouth isn't what's in my heart ...I hope.

I have been trying to list my schizoid traits that have a positive side. I can't think of a single thing good to say about my inability to think of comforting words in real time. If I could pick just one thing to "fix" it would be that. Of course, my ADHD doesn't help matters either.

Mood tonight is just a little below status quo. One more little step and I'd say I'm feeling blue. But thankfully it doesn't last.

Any amount of up or down is usually very temporary. Probably the only reason I can be certain that it's not depression🤍💛.

[ceciliasthings]

•Morning pancakes ♥️•

• Is there anything more delicious than pancakes with honey for breakfast? Well there is something more delicious but you have to read to see it •

Notes: consider this as a christmas fanfic,even though it's a week until christmas 😅 i wish you guys a merry christmas or happy holidays!

Eugene wakes up to the addictive smell of pancakes wafting into the room, he looks to the side and sees you're not in bed he quickly assumes you're in the kitchen,He stayed a few minutes in bed until he got up wearing only his underwear as it was just the two of you alone in the house that week as Abraham and Rosita had gone on a two week run and. he goes into the room and sees you only in your bathrobe maneuvering the frying pan,He smells the beautiful scent again he gives a slight smile and feels.

- Good morning..- he says monotonously

You startle slightly at his husky voice behind you, you thought he was going to sleep late and surprise him like coffee you turn your head to him and give him a gentle smile

- Good morning handsome- Your mouth curves into a smile as you turn your attention back to the fridge.- I didn't think you'd wake up so early, you don't want to go back to bed, I'll bring you breakfast in bed..

- No need, you made my favorite breakfast I would feel bad for you to spoil me like that - leans on his arms.

you smile as you take the five pancakes and put them on the plate while you get a jar of honey, you put the pancakes in front of him you give him a light kiss on the cheek as you serve them he blushes and gives a disconcerted smile.

- thanks... I'm glad Abraham and Rosita aren't here otherwise those pancakes would have been gone a long time ago.- he picks up the jar of honey and puts a big dollop on the pancakes as he devours them.

you stop him as he shoves them into his mouth he looks like he really wanted to eat, he looked like a kid with cheeks sticky with honey his mouth full of pancakes you laugh when you see this,He stops for a moment then looks at you he wipes his mouth and says:

- this is the most delicious thing you've ever made, have you always cooked this well? - He puts more honey on the pancake.

- My grandma made me pancakes when I was a kid, she used to say that cooking for someone you love is the best ingredient.- you snatch the pot of honey from his hand before he's done with it.

He blushes at your words he knew you loved him but every time you spoke he felt his heart beat faster.

- Hahaha you look cute when you blush, now eat because it's going to be a while before I make pancakes again- You blow him a kiss as you turn your attention back to your plate.

he pouts but he goes back to devouring the pancakes,when he was done he offered to wash the dishes since you had cooked.You hadn't even realized it but when you saw his ass in those tight briefs you felt a twinge in your core,You had nothing on under your robe you look down and see the pot of honey on the table until an idea comes to him, when he has finished he looks back and sees you spilling the honey over your bare shoulder.

- so you like things with honey right? - you feel the honey spill over your skin, he looks at you with wide eyes- Oops! How clumsy that I am can you help me clean up?- you smirk at him

Eugene stood like a statue for about 2 minutes trying to process if that was really happening, he quickly walked towards you sitting next to you.

- you're going to end up making me diabetic...- he licks your shoulder taking the sweet liquid out of him- you are already sweet and want to stay even more?

He takes the pot of honey and pours it over her breasts he licks the trail down to her nipples, you moaned feeling his mouth sucking in all the liquid you took some of the honey that was left on your body and rubbed it on your lips making it clear that you wanted to be kissed,he stopped sucking you and looked at you and smiled before licking your lips and kissing you.

While he was kissing you, you took off your robe. and began to rub honey on other parts of her body, Eugene seized and licked every part.

- You look so sweet y/n- He slowly licks your honey-smeared thigh while looking at you slyly.

- Eat me then Eugene! Eat me like you ate those pancakes..- you stroke his head trying not to get honey on his mullet.

he rubbed the honey between his folds and licked,you squirm in the chair as he sucks your honey-slick clit you relaxed while feeling the pleasure he gave,he tasted every part of you while you moaned and gasped,eugene's mouth was so calm and delicious that you couldn't hold back he stuck a finger in you,it felt so good you would come in record time.

- ahhhh Eugene dear I'm going to come!.. - you bring his head closer to your intimacy while he licks you fervently

when you cum he licks all your juices he runs his tongue all over your pussy looking at you while you were rolling your eyes. when he pulls away you see his mouth all sticky mixed with your juice and honey.

- this is better than honey- he licks his lips sensually.

you lose control this time you lay him on the wooden floor, while taking off his shirt you get on top of him and kiss him urgently,he didn't know why but you turned him on too much.

- now i want to taste you...- You say between his lips.

- not this time..- he squeezes your ass tightly-I want to satisfy myself inside you..

You gasped looks like the shy Eugene was gone, you liked that Eugene who said sexy things to you that made you wet just listening to it.

Eugene flipped you onto your back on the hardwood floor,caressing your beautiful back he took the pot of honey and poured it over them.

You felt a shiver as you felt the viscous, sticky liquid slide over your back and heading towards between your legs,

- This is going to be hard to clean up later...- you blush you felt indecent being in that position in the kitchen.

He presses your ass over his erection it looks like he's taken off his underwear- I'll help you clean it up later... especially the parts you can't reach...- He leans over you putting his mouth to your ear biting it as he whispers - like deep inside..

he saw that you shivered at his words,he ran his hands over your skin he took his member and placed it between your legs watching every reaction of your body,you loved him and loved the way he satisfied you..he entered you and you moaned out loud,he put his hand on your waist and the other hand went towards her sticky breast because of the honey and going towards your clitoris.you had just come it gave you goosebumps to feel his fingers again on your clit as he entered you slowly.you tried to hold yourself steady with your arms but all the sensations you felt made you soft as jello, your arms ached as you tried to get your ass up.

he leaned over you putting all the weight on your back, which made his mission to stay in the position more difficult he lifted you up and placed you sitting behind him doing the reverse cowgirl position, he lifted your legs leaving you even more exposed you felt his heavy breathing in your ear until he whispered in your ear:

- talk dirty to me my dear- his voice was deep

You couldn't speak he was hitting spots you didn't even know existed as he stimulated your clit.

- Come on, you can do it my dear..- he asks again while biting your ear.

you noticed that he had lost his shyness from before, leaving you in this position and saying those things, he squeezed your nipples with one hand while he squeezed your thigh with the other.

- what do you want me to say? - your body was getting hot with his every thrust you were close again.

- how much do you like having me inside you...- Eugene whispered in a warm voice

He lunged hard he had both hands on your legs now, and was starting to accelerate he wanted you to talk if you didn't talk he was going to make you talk..

- I LIKE- you scream when he reaches your "sweet spot"- I like it when you fuck me..- you look back and see that he had a serious expression but his eyes were shining with lust.

- tell me why my sweetie?- He laughs in your ear.

- because your body is so sensual and your voice with its beautiful accent makes me so excited- you gasped as you spoke you were seeing stars the more he hit that spot.

- Do you like it when i go deep like that?- He kisses your back and then your shoulder as he sank deeper into you.

- Yes!- you bow your head that feeling was giving you so much pleasure.

- Do you like it too? - he massages your clitoris lightly.

- yes a lot! - you were about to fall apart on that floor, you were feeling your orgasm again it looked like eugene was reaching the limit too.

- how do you want me to do it? - he accelerates the movements more he also wanted to come it was being great to feel your pussy squeeze every part of his penis.

- FAST!! FUCK ME QUICK - you feel tears of pleasure spill over your face.

- Anything you want babe! - he sinks deeper into you several times as he feels the knot in his stomach - don't you dare waste I want to feel my seed inside you...

as you squeezed his cock you felt his warm liquid inside you, you turned your head back and kissed him as you both reached your climax,You stayed a few more seconds in that position until he took you in his arms.

- Looks like we're going to have to do a long cleanup in this kitchen..- you chuckle

He chuckles as he wipes some honey off your cheek- But first let's clean you up baby

You two showered together and then with a lot of effort cleaned the floor later Abraham and rosita arrived, you were with Eugene on the porch talking until you hear Abraham scream.

- WHO WAS THE SON OF A BITCH THAT ATE ALL THE HONEY?!- Looks like he was running towards the porch

You and Eugene look at each other until you speak.

- We better run!

You take his hand and run to Glenn and Maggie's house.

[living-d3ad-gh0ul]

Sunday 9th June, 2:36am

Hey E.

I really hope you’re doing okay. It’s been quite a while since I’ve heard from you. I know that you were still recovering and getting better from everything, but please know you’ve not left my mind. I’ve still thought about you all the time, hoping you’re doing well and hoping that things are getting back on track.

I know you said before that sometimes when it’s been a while you worry about what to say or how to reply, but I just want you to know.. it really doesn’t matter how long it takes for you to write to me, I’ll still be here and still be reading. I just don’t want you worrying thinking that because it’s been a while I’m going to be upset or mad or anything, because I won’t. I just really do hope you’re okay, first of all. But I do need to ask you just one thing, and I don’t want to because it kind of scares me and I don’t want it to end up becoming some kind of self-fufilling prophecy, but I need to.. if you ever feel like you can’t keep writing to me or can’t talk to me again, please please at least tell me? Especially if it’s something I’ve said or done that’s made you feel that way. It’s not that I think you would just… disappear but.. idk, I really just worry about that sometimes. I guess I’ve just had a lot of people I care about up and leave without a trace..

I don’t really have much to write about right now, other than a couple things. I’m not sure if they’re exciting or not, I’ll let you be the judge of that lol.

I got another promotion at work. It comes with a proper pay rise this time, which I’m really happy about. It’s coming just in time for my birthday too at the end of this month. It’s a lot more responsibility (I’m a step below manager now… which is really fucking scary kind of) but I think I could really learn a lot, my manager seems to really believe in me too, it’s nice to have a good manager like her. I really like her. And a lot of my workmates are really helpful too when/if I need some help on something.

Gran is recovering well from her surgery, though she’s been back in hospital with a diabetes related issue (we were terrified because she was in a really bad way) and a couple infections, but she seems to be doing okay. Although.. they are kind of scared that her cancer has spread. They’re keeping a close eye on things and monitoring her lots, just to see what’s going on and make sure they catch it quickly if it has. I think she’s a little fed up with it now, but I’m still just trying to do my best to spend time with her and lift her spirits and make her laugh or smile or something, even if it’s just once every time I see her. I feel like I’ve grown closer to her and my aunt too this past year.

That brings me to the next thing I wanted to talk about.. dad’s anniversary is coming up on the 15th. I’ll be honest, I’m so fucking scared of it and I’m dreading it. Because I just know I’m going to be in pieces again, I’ve already had quite a few days where I’ve been really upset because of memories popping up from last year or thinking things like “oh today is the day that x y z happened last year”. It’s so fuckibg tough. And some days I feel like I’m right back there experiencing it all again, but this time there’s a massive hole in my heart because I remember that he’s not here anymore and then I just miss him terribly. My aunt and 2 of my cousins are going to come with me on that day to one of me and my dads favourite places, a little seaside town called Largs that we used to go to a lot. There’s a beach and some arcades and fish and chip shops and all the typical seaside town stuff. It can be really nice there, especially in the summer. There’s also a big biker community there and my dad would go there when he was young too with his friends on his bike. We’re going to scatter some of his ashes there, the remainder going down to be with my stepmum in Glastonbury where we scattered her ashes, but that probably won’t be til later in the year. I still need to figure all that out because it’s a bit of a journey for me. After that, I think we’re gonna go for some lunch. I’m off all this week from work, so I have time to feel my emotions and try and take care of myself and prepare myself for that day. I’m gonna go and get my hair done and have a little self care day on the Friday 14th, the day before, just so I can do a little something for me.

Other than that, it’s just been the same old same old really. Still just plodding along, still just trying to look forward to my trip to Manchester for my tattoos on my birthday, still just looking forward and prepping for my trip to London in July that my best friend is planning for me. I still don’t know a lot of the details about what she has planned, so it’s a little exciting to think of what might be happening. I’d be happy just to go to nice places and eat nice food and drink nice drinks with nice views or whatever. I’m not really fussy, that’s all I really want. Anything else would be an added bonus.

I really do hope you’re okay, and I know I’ve already said that, I feel like I’m just repeating myself but I just wanna make that apparent. You being okay and stuff comes first, above everything else. I really do hope I hear from you soon, idk if it’s weird of me to say but.. I miss you. I think it’s just because my anxiety is so high right now and I’m so on edge at the moment, because of the anniversary and stuff coming up. But I’ve been extra tearful and sentimental and shit. I don’t know if it’s cringey to some or anything, I guess that’s just how I feel.

I’m gonna leave you with some lyrics, as always. I hope that your recovery is going better now and that you’re starting to feel yourself again and if not.. I really will be keeping you in my thoughts, as I always do.

I really look forward to hearing from you soon, E.

N x

“All the bad dreams that you hide, show me yours I’ll show you mine”

[maelysgriffonne]

Phil knew something was wrong with Etoiles the second he didn't notice Phil when he walked directly to face him. Probably he was lost in thought but the French man would have still seen him, he only reacted when the little light that sometimes showed around him seemed to get agitated and Phil started to speak to him.

When they all got to the red base Phil noticed that Roier seems to stay close to Etoiles and sometimes seems to tell him what's in front of him. The crow hybrid knew Baghera and Cellbit noticed too but didn't voice their worry. After finally arriving at the base Phil managed to get Etoiles on the side to ask him if everything was okay but the others simply brushed him aside saying that everything was fine then turned around to join the others, definitely hitting stuff on his way.

It stayed like this for a day, Phil asking Etoiles if he was okay and Etoiles told him he was fine and that he should stop worrying. But Phil keep noticing things proving otherwise, Etoiles keep hitting into stuff even if it's right in front of him, keeping his hand on the walls, saying people name out loud and wait until they respond or touch him, Roier staying close to him just at reaching point as if to tell Etoiles that he is indeed her, his white milky eyes with very faint star in them. Stuff kept adding up and Phil finally added enough when Jaiden told him something Etoiles told her when she asked about his eyes.

So after everyone left the base he pulled Etoiles aside for a last time. He knew what was happening but he wanted the warrior to confirm it, "So mate when were you going to tell me" Phil ask looking directly at Etoiles eyes ignoring the littles lights spinning around "What are you talking about Phil??" Etoiles was still smiling has if nothing was fucking wrong and it was drinving Phil even more crazy then he already was because of this fucking island. "The fact that you actually lost you sight and only Roier seems to fucking know" Phil respond with a bit more anger then he should have seeing has Etoiles just froze, smile totally lost, "Oh ……" was the only thing he respond with.

"Oh, oh! Is that your only respond not, oh I'm sorry I should have told you, I shouldn't have hid it, do you wanna know how I fucking figure it out, when Jaiden come to me and told me that you told her that you couldn't see shit. For god sakes Etoiles stop hiding those type of shit!!!" Phil was screaming by the end of his little rent, he was so lost into it he didn't notice Etoiles seeming to shrink on himself, wrapping his tail around his legs to make himself smaller. "I'm sorry" his voice was so small and faint that Phil almost didn't hear it but he did and that what snapped him back, "I just didn't want to seems to be a burden, other thinking that they have to go less hard on me because of this stupid shit and my body going fucking against me, what type of leader i would have been if i let my team get hurt because they were worried about me" Etoiles explains to him while Phil took deep breath to calmed himself down.

After a minute of silence after Phil had finally calmed down he took both of Etoiles shoulders and pulled him in a hug, Etoiles tried to hide his flinch and froze up until melting into the hug. 'Starved-touched, when was the last time he received a hug' tough Phil but decided to go back to the main subject "King we will not think less of you and go easier on you nor you would be a fucking burden for something you can control but I have to ask how did it happen?", Etoiles just breath a sigh of resignation, looking ready to cry "At the end of the second day, I think it's both because of the code corruption and my diabete, I lied multiple time about taking care of my health when you ask me, i couldn't do it when i had to protect everyone, I should have see that coming I'm fucking dumb" He told with tears running down on his face, "No your not dumb Etoiles, you just have a heart of gold putting other health before you own" Phil simply hold him while the french man cried on his shoulder, bothering ending up sitting on the ground.

When Etoiles finally calmed down Phil got up helping him stand up and silently walking him to the resting place, when both were sitting on a bed Etoiles just layed down with his head on Phil's lap. Phil simply ran his hand through the wild white hair, looking as if Etoiles got more comfortable, close to falling asleep. "Sleep king, everything is going to be okay" Phil slightly smiled down before himself falling asleep.

If the team came back to see a sleeping duo with Phil having his arms tightly around Etoiles as if to protect him, nobody would say anything. If Cellbit ended up putting a cover over them then there was nothing to be said.

-------

The headcanon that Etoiles became blind in Purgatory lives in my head rent free, I had to do something about it and I was in a writing mood. My friend Botan beta-read it and even corrected some of the grammar errors so thank you again :).

@botankirishima look I post it :D, are you proud of me ,:3??