#I STARTED ANSWERING THIS LAST NIGHT & then ended up drafting it & forgot about it
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chilapis · 7 months ago
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hi again almandine !! i hope uve been taking care of urself too and eating well ; ur most recent post reminded me that i wanted to ask, what does a sparring session between u and ajax usually look like ? does he use his foul legacy form ? id love to hear abt the specifics on ur hcs for ur s/is powers 🙇‍♀️🫶 wishing u well !!
HIIII, hi, Clara! It’s such a delight to see you again, I hope you’ve been well! <33
I feel like playfighting is, a fairly popular pastime for us together? And by playfighting I mean “we’re leaving this interaction with water in our lungs and scorched skin that hurts to to the touch.”
I’m still slightly unsure which direction I want to take the Genshin self-insert in but having a comfort + universal s/i that is quite literally “just me does” somewhat allow me more freedom and creative liberty with with the former so I’m making little changes here and there pretty actively.
I know in yesterday’s post I was like Genshin Lapis “has killed millions & will do so again” but I think I’m more inclined to take her into a different direction of “has killed millions & now just wants to settle down peacefully” — meaning that I think GI Lapis would be on the same power level as his foul legacy form, but definitely goes easier on him on purpose during sparring. It’s not because he thinks of Ajax as weak (she’s lovestruck & probably regularly tells him he’s the strongest warrior she’s ever seen in the many years that she has roamed the planet) but rather because all things considered, GI lapis is still… you know, the pyro dragon sovereign? And despite harnessing the power of the abyss and utilising foul legacy, Ajax is still only human.
I should mention that I’m not a huge fan of mortal/immortal dynamics personally but I hardly doubt that Tartaglia subscribes to “mortality” as we know it; if he did, the use of his delusion and foul legacy would have destroyed and terminated him by now, so I view him as human but not… mortal per se? That said, Ajax would be insistent on going all out, both of them, but she scolds him because she knows how using his foul legacy affects his health and it worries her. They still spar a lot! Lapis isn’t into fighting that much anymore but she is absolutely invested in improving Ajax’s skills. Just because she is against using her own full power and adamantly against him using foul legacy in their sparring sessions (unless it’s a special occasion) does not mean she won’t literally make it rain fire on him. They are both utterly infatuated though so no matter who wins in the end, it still ends with the two giggling & telling each other throw well they did while cuddling into each other (despite being uh, soaking wet with water and sweat combined). Technically both are victors every round; one wins through combat skill, the other wins by getting pinned to the floor. Godspeed
You know that one dialogue Ajax has about even taking on the Harbingers? Yeah, she supports that idea 100%; she LOATHES the fatui and the tsaritsa (+ her harbingers) (lapis finds them pretentious) and her personal pride doesn’t find the idea of being on the absolute top of the food chain not too bad either, so, he needs to be used to breaking a few bones here and there. Plus, Lapis doesn’t engage in her previous aggressions anymore so, it’s good to get some exercise in, she supposes. It’s a win-win.
As for specifics on her powers! I’m going to be talking from a gameplay perspective here. First of all? I’m pulling the same stunt MiHoYo pulled with the Tartaglia boss fight; the atmosphere during it, the intense music, the panic when you first fight him as one of the first ever bosses (though he becomes literally the easiest one after, whoops), his foul legacy attacks, the way he dashes so fast, the magnificent creature he summons from hydro — it’s intense, it’s gorgeous. And then uh, there’s the playable Tartaglia — who is, you know, not bad! I love him even though I always have terrible luck on his banners despite the fact that I started playing in 2021. But he is still just a tad… underwhelming compared to the grandness of the version of him that we fought.
Anyway, you’re getting the same thing with GI Lapis. He isn’t fast like Ajax but she is, um, like twice the size of foul legacy in her dragon form if not even bigger so that isn’t necessary anyhow. I actually want her to be fairly tall and domineering in her dragon/boss battle form, just like… slightly smaller than Azhdaha? She doesn’t change elements or such however; she remains bound to pyro. I do however want her boss battle to be in a really shallow water body so that the player is almost constantly experiencing reverse vapourise unless they pull some fuckass geo structure bullshit. I want the boss battle music to be quite similar to the Bloodborne soundtrack OSTs but with some Doom themes. Something cathartic and visceral, you know? And then there’s… her as a playable character.
Best support character/sub-DPS for Childe you can imagine. First of all? Pyro and Hydro = vapourise, which is arguably one of the best — if not the best — reactions in the game. Secondly… I want to somehow add energy recharge to her kit (preferably through one of the active skills) so that it enhances Tartaglia’s riptide the way Raiden does. I may make her either a catalyst or a sword (or claymore!) user depending on how I feel, that part is still undecided. As for her passive skill, I think it’d be so much funnier if MiHoYo made it specific like “Increases full team’s ATK by 10% if Tartaglia is in the team, with an additional 10% ATK bonus if vapourise is performed using both character’s skills” Imagine literally requiring another character to fully be able to utilise one character’s kit? Can you imagine the profit they’d make? I could be the perfect cashcow. Non-game play powers also include knife throwing, skill with blades in general and oh! She naturally runs cold and craves warmth so she is constantly using a little bit of her pyro powers to keep herself pleasantly warm.
I also think all of this would tie in nicely with the fact that GI Lapis is no longer the fearmongering dragon warlord that she once was? He, like the other dragons we’ve seen so far, is… more or less just enjoying retirement and works in the legal field almost entirely for fun (and mora); so her being on the battlefield or fighting will literally always 100% be because Ajax is involved somehow and she would do Anything to protect this man, no matter how stupid the thing may be. Plus she likes having a “justified” excuse to be a menace from time to time anyway. To summarise the lore I have for her: war lord dragon sovereign who used to consider international peace a mere suggestion suddenly decides on giving up violence and settling down with some random anime-european man. So. You know.
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itsmeatballworld · 7 months ago
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| it ends in heartbreak |
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pairing | daryl dixon x f!reader
summary | you both knew he would break your heart. he couldn't help himself.
wc | 1400
warnings | cursing, sadness/heartbreak [aka the title]
a/n | I've had this in my drafts forever lol I forgot about this one! Also this is the first time I've ever written pure angst so go easy on me <3
continue... [ part 2 ] - [ part 3 ]
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You always knew this day would come.
There were signs pointing to the downfall of your relationship, signs you chose to ignore to enjoy the moments of happiness.
But the signs couldn’t be any clearer–it would never last. It couldn't.
It was the end of the world, for starters. Life was always in shambles. The group never stayed in one spot long enough. Even the prison wasn’t safe. With everything unstable, it should’ve been obvious this would happen, but you were naive to think you’d would be any different.
Because the reality was: this was always how it was supposed to end.
He was built on a fractured foundation. He set up walls and built his life around a broken base, worn down by his past that he couldn't escape. First, parents had cracked and hardened his outlook on life. Then his brother taught him he meant little to others by leaving him behind. Not once did he ever learn how to fix the ache in his heart.
Yet when he met you, things changed.
It was gradual. Pieces of him started to align and heal. The tough outer shell wasn't as indestructible as he first imagined. After some time he opened up and let you in.
But you both knew he would break your heart.
He couldn't help himself. It was in his nature to push back, to fight and wrangle away from anything that became too real. Too good.
But for the time being, you enjoyed the blissful moments of his affection.
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When he kissed you goodnight it was over.
He lingered, almost as if he was allowing his lips to memorize the feeling of your skin on his. His fingers fell against your curves as you pressed into the cellblock’s cool cement wall. It was in these seconds of quiet where you both had a chance to breathe.
Pulling back, Daryl rested one arm above your head. He leaned in close, gazing sweetly down at you. His other hand slowly traveled to your face and Daryl’s thumb brushed against your bottom lip.
Without hesitating you whispered the words he never imagined hearing from you.
Love you.
There. Right there. You saw the spark in his bright blue eyes dim. The crystalline color washed away into a deep ocean blue. Rocky and turbulent. Daryl’s eyes were no longer filled with love, but rather, fear.
You lost him, right there, pressed against the concrete wall of Cellblock D.
This was destined to fail.
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“Please don’t do this.”
“Have to.”
“No…no you don’t have to, Daryl.” Your chest tightened. It was like the air was on fire. No matter how deeply you breathed in and out, pain still resided in your chest. He was crippling you.
“Daryl–”
“Ain’t up for debate.” He stepped back, snatching his crossbow from the watchtower’s metal flooring.
Your hands fumbled to find your shirt, hating how he sprung this on you in the middle of the night. He didn't have patience to wait, apparently. Just break your heart and go, like it was nothing.
“I’m not trying to…I just…” you groaned. “What happened? Was it me? Did I do something?”
His eyes went wide. That scared, fearful expression washed over him once again.
Fuck, you squeezed your eyes shut. That was it. That look. It was just like the other night. When those stupid words stumbled out of your mouth, falling to the ground at Daryl’s feet. Just before he crushed them with his silence.
“Was it something I said?”
He didn't answer and his silence (unlike most nights) wasn't good enough. You needed answers.
“So that’s it then. You say ‘I’m done’ and leave before sunrise?”
The broody man fought to glance in your direction. Instead, he focused out towards the tree-line. He grabbed onto the windowsill and squeezed so tightly that the white of his knuckles appeared. But his tactics to avoid the conversation at hand weren’t getting past you tonight.
You shot up from the floor. “Daryl.”
“I ain’t got time for this.”
“You fuck me, say we’re done, and leave? Like this was all nothing? Like we mean nothing to each other?”
Daryl paused. He turned to you with lips curled into a tight frown. Even in the darkness of the watchtower, through the bright white moonlight, his frustration was clear.
“I said ‘I love you’, Daryl.” There was a desperation behind your words. Your voice was so deeply distressing it made your chest ache. It was heavy and exhausting to display your feelings out to him in the middle of the night. But you wanted more–deserved more–than a shitty ending to whatever you had with him.
“You think this is love?”
You gawked, “yes!”
He paced the small room like a caged animal ready to pounce.
You love this man.
“This ain’t love.”
You love this man. This jerk.
“Then what the fuck is this, Daryl? Tell me.” You paused, tears welling in your eyes but you refused to let them fall. “Fucking tell me!”
The shirt in your hands balled up tight around your closed fist. You were hurt. Everything about him was trouble and you let him in.
“I said ‘I love you’. I said it and now you’re pulling away.”
As he watched you, just for a moment, his eyes didn’t fill with fear or confusion. There was something there. Between the declarations, he looked apologetic. His blue eyes softened, letting the emotions he desperately tried to conceal slip past those walls he built back up.
“Well, shit! I’m sorry I said it. I fucked this up, didn’t I?” The gravel in your voice scratched your throat. Everything burned.
The apologetic stare turned pitiful. A deep scowl crossed his face and your heart sank. “Can’t mess it up when there was nothin’ here, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart. It was so condescending as his drawl pulls at the syllables. That tightness in your chest balled into a pit of rage. Fire that burned you before ignited an anger inside.
You moved closer towards him. “You sleep with me every night. You kiss me before leaving on runs. When you think nobody’s looking, you hold my hand. We talk about our past. Our future. This is real, Daryl.”
“Nah.” He grabbed his belt, twisting it through the loops. “This ain’t real.”
Your fingers tightened on the fabric as you tugged the shirt on. “That’s not true—“
He huffed, staring out into the cloudy night sky. “You’re better off without me anyway.”
“Don’t. Don't say that. I’m not better off without you. I’d be worse.”
Daryl paused.
But the hurt and anger fueling your body didn’t stop. “So don’t make me feel crazy for falling in love with you. Like it was a choice? If I was fucking smart, I would’ve ran far away from you the second we met. But I didn’t. Because I saw you for more than the asshole you pretend to be. So excuse me for feeling blindsided by your decision to leave me.”
“Leave you?” He spat. “Get it through your head, girl. You ain’t mine! You’re just some bitch I screwed.”
The frogs croaking down by the creeks ceased to exist. Trees stopped rustling in the breeze. Crickets no longer sang under the stars. The world froze as his words were thrown at you with such haste. Like he didn’t think twice.
Your arms wrapped around your waist, tugging at the fabric clinging to your body.
He didn’t look back at you. His eyes seemed to drift anywhere but you like he couldn't face the fact that he said it out loud.
No, no. He doesn’t really think that…
Your voice cracked as the tears from earlier were not going to wait much longer. “Daryl–”
He turned on his heels and was out the door. Down the ladder, each step was louder than the last. You paused, bawling your fists as the tears finally spilled across your cheeks. Loud and heaving gasps, muddled together with hot tears.
He broke you down within seconds. The tears and sobs continued on for what felt like forever until you finally had a moment of rest. The tightness in your chest subsided, thankfully, but this was the easier part. Tomorrow will be harder when you’ll have to put on a fake smile, wipe away tears in the dark prison hallways, and avoid him.
Forget him. Forget him…right like it would be easy. It’ll be fucking impossible to forget him.
You wished you could hate him. But you don’t.
So for tonight, you let yourself feel the heartbreak and planned to stand taller tomorrow. Because in the end you knew it would never last.
But it didn't matter.
You loved that man.
Yet after everything, he might have been right. You weren't truly with him.
And maybe he never really cared for you at all.
-xx-
-xx-
a/n 2.0 | daryl PLEASEE {as if I didn't write him to act this way}
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myeuphoricmindset · 4 months ago
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Eternally yours
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Summary: Eddie grapples with the realization that he exists solely in your imagination, while you cling to the fleeting moments you have.
Warning: I found this fic in my drafts from the end of last year. I completely forgot about it and reading it today made me incredibly sad. Why do I write things that hurt? Read at your own risk.
Word count: 744
Eddie stares at your hand resting beside his on the dock. He wonders how his hand can feel so real when it looks and moves just like yours. He can feel the wood beneath his fingertips. He can hear the water brush against the dock. He can see the moon casting a light on your face. It’s all so real, but he’s not. Suddenly, he is acutely aware of his body and the self-awareness causes him to feel uneasy.
Breaking free from his thoughts, you ask Eddie what he does when you’re not around. His voice trails off as he searches for an answer, realizing that his memories revolve solely around you. He musters the words, “I don't know…maybe I only exist when you’re around.”
The weight of your gaze intensifies the ache in his chest, as he grapples with the paradox of your presence while feeling his own absence. You exist and he doesn’t. How can he make sense of that when you're staring right at him, making him feel so alive?
“Do you think of me when we're not together?” He asks softly, feeling cracked open by his vulnerability. If he were to ask you what his lungs looked like, he'd swear you could simply peer down and tell him.
“All the time.”
That eases the ache and he smiles. The cool night breeze envelops both of you as Eddie tentatively lifts his hand, feeling the air flow through his fingers. However, a tremor runs through him, and you reach out to steady his hand with a gentle touch.
“Don’t get lost in it. Just stay with me.” You say.
Eddie tightens his grip on your hand, but his chest rises and falls quickly. He does not meet your eyes, because he is getting lost in it. The panic starts to set in. But then he feels your thumb brush gently over his hand. He hears his name on your lips, and it's as if you pulled him out of the hole he was falling into.
With his brown doe eyes fixed on yours, Eddie’s hand rises to touch your cheek. His fingers trace your face delicately, committing every curve and line to memory. He hesitates before asking, “Is this okay?”
You affirm with a single word, “Yes.”
Noticing a change in your expression and your attempt to control your breathing, Eddie’s thumb caresses your cheek as he asks, “What’s wrong?”
A small smile appears on your face before you admit, “I think about this all the time. You have no idea.”
Curious, Eddie asks, “Think about what?”
“You. And how your touch would feel…” Your voice trails off, cheeks flushing.
Eddie gently tilts your chin up. “How does it feel?”
Your eyes meet and he waits for your response, captivated by each of your breaths. But then, a tear falls from your eyes.
“Better than I could imagine, which is silly because this is all in my imagination,” you confess, your voice breaking as you look away.
Eddie wipes away your tears, his face filled with sorrow. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs.
Suddenly, you envelop Eddie in a tight hug, surprising him but easing his tension. He reciprocates, pulling you closer. Holding you tight.
“I miss you,” You whisper.
The words fall from your lips. Eddie is filled with confusion because he doesn’t know the pain you’ve endured because of his story. He doesn’t know how his fate ended, because this version of him lives on only within your mind—suspended in time. You met him in the middle, where his story was still happy and he was filled with promise of it being his year.
He lets his unanswered question dissolve, softly assuring you, “I’m right here.”
And he is, yet he isn’t. Time has passed, and the world has moved on from him, unbeknownst to Eddie. So, you securely hold him in your heart and mind, ensuring his existence continues.
“You know,” he starts, stroking your hair, “If I exist only because of you, then that’s a life worth living.”
The lake stills, the wind ceases, and just before Eddie can comprehend you're gone, he smiles. The world darkens, freezing him in an eternal moment.
Eddie Munson ceases to exist, residing only in the mind of a shifter, between the pages of the writer, the pen strokes of an artist and through the words of those who read him back to life in every possible scenario.
For every moment you experience in reality, he waits—until you meet again.
Masterlist
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inuiiwonderland · 6 months ago
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I’m sorry….
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A/n: Take this as an apology for me not being active on here😔
Word:678
Warnings: mentions of toxic relationships, slight hint of abuse, and angst (tell me if I forgot anything!)
Mitsuya x fem reader
-
Another knock on the door caused you to sigh as you got up from your bed to go answer it.
Walking down the stairs you could feel your heart pound with every step you took, knowing who is behind that door in the late hours of the night. You finally made it to the door, taking a deep breath and opening it to see your best friend. Mitsuya.
"Y/n…" You could see the dried up tears and how puffy his eyes were. Probably from all the crying he did before coming to your place.
"Just come in" You said as you stepped aside for him to enter your home. He quietly did as you said and walked in. You closed the door and walked to the living room where he was.
"So what happened this time?" He let out a sigh and sat down on the couch.
"She said I wasn't giving her much attention. I already told her how packed my schedule is because of the next fashion show for next month. But then she started saying how I'm lying and that I just don't want to spend time with her." You sat quietly on the opposite end of the couch as you listened.
"She also said that I don't love her anymore and that I'm losing feelings, which I'm not because I truly love her!" Your heart aches hearing those words but you tried not to show it.
"Last night she went out and emma sent me a picture of her going to a hotel with some guy. I confronted her about it today which caused an argument about me not having any trust in her. And I trust her! But then she said that she was going to break up with me because I'm always busy.." Your heart broke seeing him all stressed and scared of losing the one girl he loves. It wasn't anything new for Mitsuya to run to you every week after a fight with his girlfriend. You started growing used to it as time went by, but it made you even more sad and annoyed seeing him still be with her after everything that she has put him through.
You noticed earlier on that the relationship those two have wasn't healthy. More like toxic. She loves to control, lie and use him for almost everything. Even after he caught her cheating one time he still forgave her and stayed by her side. Which caught you off guard since you didn't expect that from him.
But what could you do? He has been in love with her since high school and was thrilled when she accepted his confession on graduation day. Which caused you to cry that night.
"Mitsuya…this isn't normal you know, she has put you through a lot and caused you so much stress! She cheated on you multiple times so why?! Why are you still hurting yourself like this?”
The boy stayed silent. His hands were shaking and he closed his eyes as he looked away.
“Y/n…she’s my girlfriend. The love of my life and I think people deserve second-“
“Bullshit. She already cheated on you gods know how much and lied to you on multiple occasions! Hell she even put her hands on you mitsuya! That’s not love takashi…”
“But…I know…I know she’s going to change. She’ll stop”
No she won’t
“Takashi…”
“I-“ He was cut off by the sound of his phone going off. Text after text and soon a call made Mitsuya stand up as he grabbed his phone.
“It’s her” He says. As he was about to accept the call, you gently took a hold of his hand.
“Mitsuya…” You pleaded.
“This isn’t Healthy and you know it. You can’t continue staying with her. So please…don’t” The phone continued ringing as his phone blew up with texts. His eyes went from the phone to you and then to his phone before finally going back to you.
“M’sorry…”
Your heart shattered as he picked up the phone and made his way towards the door.
-
This was an old draft from last year😭 so sorry if it’s ooc😓
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ultralightpoe · 8 months ago
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Sweet Nothing - Robert 'Bob' Floyd
Authors Note : I cannot believe this is only the second piece I had ever written for him because I loved him! This sat in the drafts a litte too long if you know what I mean.
Word Count: 3519
Warnings: - none I believe -
Requests: OPEN
Main Master list - - Midnights Event List
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(Thank you for the gif @topgundaily )
x Enjoy! x
I spy with my little tired eye
Tiny as a firefly
A pebble that we picked up last July
Down deep inside your pocket
We almost forgot it
Does it ever miss Wicklow sometimes?
It’s a weird feeling, knowing that you were so close to the end and not being ready for it. You wanted to dig your heels in the mud and fight away from the finish line, drag yourself back to the start. What you would give to go back to the beginning when it was still so sweet and happy. 
But you weren’t in a race, and you couldn’t fight your way away from the finish line this time. No, right now you are laid out across the bed of your guest room with the love of your life avoiding you downstairs. The end is coming. You both knew it, you just weren’t ready. 
You had been warned over and over, from your friends to your parents and you knew his own group had warned him as well. You should have listened. But you both thought you could beat the odds. 
He took you to the lake for a date, a fact that made your friends giggle amongst each other as you rushed around to get ready. Braiding your hair at first before panicking and not liking it so you rushed to brush through as your best friend chose the best bathing suit for you to wear and they all talked about your date. 
“-He is so cute. And he blushes whenever you are close, which is so cute.” Veronica smiles, playing with your waterproof mascara as your brush snags on a nasty knot in your hair and makes you gasp in pain. 
“Are you sure about this? He is a military man. We have the no dating military rule for a reason.” Samantha snaps, her eyes laid with mistrust and her body rigid as she leans against your wall. “I don’t want to get a call in the middle of the night of you crying to escape.”
That made you panic slightly, you knew Bob and he was always so sweet but how many females had fallen for the sweet act before. He was military and Samantha herself had gone through a military marriage that led to a broken cheek and nose, you had been the one to give her a place to stay. 
“It will be fine.” You shrug. “I have a good feeling.”
And you had been right, he took you to the lake and you both swam around for hours. He braided your hair when you got out so it didn’t get knotted and tangled from the lake water. You stayed huddled together in his car for warmth as you ate the greasiest burgers you could and laughed about the day you had. 
“I had a lot of fun today.” Bob blushes, fixing his glasses from where they were sliding down his nose as you smile at him. His cheeks were a little rosy from the sun and his knee was pressed to yours, his hair swept awkwardly. “Thank you for spending the day with me.”
“Thank you for inviting me.” You answer, both your voices low as you stare at each other. “I loved it.”
“You ready to go home, then?” He asks, his cheeks reddening even more past the burn which makes you smile a little wider.
“Or we could…. Well we could go to your place.” You offer to be near him a little longer. 
“I’d love that.” He smiles, moving to pull something out of the pocket of his swim trunks, placing it on the dashboard so he could start the car, and you blink at it. 
“Did you have a rock in your pocket?”
“Yeah. I thought it was pretty and I wanted to keep a memory of today.” He says lowly, looking at you nervously. “Is that weird?”
“No. Not at all.” You laugh, leaning to kiss his cheek. 
They said the end is coming
Everyone's up to something
I find myself running home to your sweet nothings
Outside, they're push and shoving
You're in the kitchen humming
All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing
That little pebble from the lake still sat on his dashboard, the day he crashed his truck he made sure to grab it and keep it in his pocket. When he got his flier from the military he kept it on that dashboard now. He always carted it around in the air, saying it was his good luck charm. 
The thought makes tears well up in your eyes as you drag yourself from the bed and shuffle around the room to get dressed for the day. It had been the very first time you slept without Bob, which meant you didn’t actually get any sleep and you were more than a little cranky. Tired, cranky and upset. 
Not a good mix. 
But you tried to keep it together while you got ready for the day, fixing your hair and slipping on shoes before heading downstairs to grab your bag and keys. 
When your love sees you he casts his eyes away, rubbing at his chest as he makes himself look busy. “I made coffee if you need-”
It hurt to hear his voice, tearing at your chest as you snatch your work bag and keys before storming out of the house without any coffee. Just like that the feeling of betrayal is back, slashing at your heart and making you angry once more. 
Even the sound of his voice upset you now. 
Bob knew the news was not going to be delivered easily, waiting for you to get home from work with his leg bouncing wildly out of anxiety. You would leave, he knew it. Not that he would blame you, it would just tear him up through and through. 
The front door stands and he rushes up, fixing his glasses and turning the corner to where you would still be taking off your shoes. “Hey.”
Your head snaps up at his greeting, smiling softly as you shuffle closer and lean up on your toes to kiss his cheek before you move to kiss his lips. You seem to read his body language then, the tight stance and the guilty way he doesn’t kiss back before you lean back and blink at him. “Everything okay?”
“I….. They are changing my… okay so you know how we always talk about how I might be restationed?” He mumbles, reaching a hand up to rub at the back of his neck. “Well I… they are restationing me.”
“What? How long do you have?” You blink, fully pulling back from him. His hands catch on the bottom of your jacket, trying to keep you close and failing when you take another step back. 
His face pulls in a grimace as he realizes that this is where the annoyance will kick in, where you will actually get mad at him. “I have about 2 weeks.”
“2 weeks! I’m sorry, repeat that because it sounds like you just said 2 weeks.” You snap, blinking at him as your face begins setting into anger. “Aren’t they supposed to give you more time? Why would they make this so short?”
“Well I found out… a month ago. I just didn’t know how to explain and I wanted to find an apartment that might work before I told you.” 
“What do you mean, might work?!” 
“For us. An apartment that would be big enough for us-”
“You expect me to drop my entire life in 2 weeks?!” And before either of you knew it there was a fight brewing. 
On the way home
I wrote a poem
You say, "What a mind"
This happens all the time
You can’t really concentrate at work, your pen tapping on your desk a little too quickly, your coworkers beginning to look at you with odd glances. 
The more you thought the more you began changing your mind. It’s not like you loved this job, you would be more than happy to give your two weeks. Hell, you would love to give your days notice.  You would not miss this job nor would you miss any of your coworkers. You would however miss your friends and family. 
But it’s not like phones didn’t exist, and it’s not like you couldn’t take vacations to come see them. But it still wouldn’t be the same, you would be tearing yourself away from your family and friends. Alienating yourself. 
At the end of the day your options are narrowed down to leaving Bobby behind or leaving your life behind. 
Would you be able to make that choice. 
“Are you okay?” Your boss asks, coming to stand at your cubicle with a stern look. “I haven’t received any of the reports I needed from you in the past hour.”
“I…..” You blink, sitting up straighter, the photo of Bobby you have on your desk catching your eyes. 
“Let’s talk in my office.” She snaps, nodding her head as you try to come up with a proper excuse to your behavior. 
A month into the relationship and your friends still were a little skeptical of your boyfriend, but things were easy and you were in love. 
Tonight you would be taking Bobby to your friends birthday party, which was a very important thing and your boyfriend was panicking. You were laying on his bed, watching him pace back and forth in his room as he tried to find something to wear. 
“Does it look kiss assy if I match you? Because you look great but I don’t want your friends thinking I’m…. or maybe these jeans won’t work. How dressy is this party?” He panics, finally looking at you and fixing his glasses. 
“I think you are stressing yourself out.” You mumble, patting the bed in front of you to call him over. He sighs, moving to sit by you with a grunt which has you crawling closer and laying your head in his lap. His fingers immediately comb through your hair as he smiles down at you. 
“I know your friends don’t like me, I just want to impress them.” He blushes, shrugging his shoulders. 
“They like you… they all just have thoughts on the military life.”
“Yeah?” 
“Yeah. They are scared you’re going to try and marry me and drag me across the country away from them and everyone. It’s a valid fear.”
“So…. you…. Well….. “ He blanches, nodding his head before moving to stand up. “I’ll stick with the shirt that matches you and the jeans.”
'Cause they said the end is coming
Everyone's up to something
I find myself running home to your sweet nothings
Outside, they're push and shoving
You're in the kitchen humming
All that you ever wanted from me was nothing
The drive home was filled with shaky hands and tears, you had to pull over once and swipe at your cheeks, taking a second to catch your breath before you continued your drive home. 
The house was dark, Bobby’s shoes gone and his key slot empty which meant he probably went to work or had some other stuff to take care of. You sighed in relief, thankful for at least a couple more hours before you would have to have this conversation with him. 
Instead you went upstairs, grabbing the stuff you had angrily dragged to the guest room last night and putting it back where it belonged before you hid and called your mom. 
Cowardly, you might add. 
You were in tears by the time you slammed the door to the guest room, hands shaking as you screamed at him to leave you alone, your breathing ragged and torn. 
How dare he? How dare he hide this from you and assume you would just up and leave? How dare he not tell you. 
A little forewarning, a little more understanding. Anything more than this. 
“Baby, can we please talk about this?” He asks through the door, a small thump telling you he laid his head on the door. “I…. we both knew this would happen. This doesn’t need to be this big of a deal.” “Go away. Just leave me alone.” You hated that he was right, that you had always known and had always been warned and yet still couldn’t imagine it. 
Industry disruptors and soul deconstructors
And smooth-talking hucksters out glad-handing each other
And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more"
To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it
It had been a long day that had followed a long night, and he was tired. 
All he wanted to do was crawl under your shared sheets and pull you into him, snoring in your neck the way you always complain about while laughing, tickling your sides and snoring loudly just to bother you a little more. 
But after the fight he was sure you would still have a couple more issues to comb through. He understood, he did. The way he threw  it at you was a bit much, and he should have told you sooner but he wanted to make sure everything was sorted before he brought it up. He wanted all his ducks to be in a row. 
He was used to this life, you weren’t. 
The house smelled like it normally does when he gets home, your key in it’s preferred spot and your shoes left by the door, but no you in sight which bothered him. He loved when you came to greet him and now the house just felt empty when he entered. 
Calling your name once, another try, one last time before he sighs and moves to find you without taking his shoes off. He heads upstairs, moving through the halls easily in search of you. Something melting in his chest when he sees you curled upon his side of the bed with your face pressed into his pillow. 
Shuffling closer and placing a kiss on the back of your head before closing the blinds to your shared room and making sure you are comfortable before heading downstairs and getting started on dinner. Concentrating on that rather than remembering your tear stained face from the night before. 
There were hundreds of ways he could have handled the situation better, and he tried to do the right thing and ease you into it. But he still did the wrong thing. 
He just wanted you, he just needed you. 
Nothing else mattered to him. 
“I can’t believe it.” You smile, from ear to ear, as you help him carry in the last of the boxes into your new shared townhouse. 
He had gotten news that his leave would be extended another 2 years, which meant he didn’t have to leave you yet. You both chose to find a new place together after 7 months of dating and build a home together. He couldn’t be happier. 
You were quick to set the box onto the kitchen table before dashing to jump into his arms which made him laugh loudly, nearly dropping you as he tripped up and ran into a wall. “What’s the first thing we do in our new place?”
“Oh there are so many options,handsome. We can cook dinner…. Or maybe set up our kitchen table properly…” You list off ideas, a mischievous glint in your tone. “Or we can fuck.”
He chokes on air, his cheeks tinting red as he blinks at you. “The last one. Definitely the last one.”
They said the end is coming
Everyone's up to something
I find myself running home to your sweet nothings
Outside, they're push and shoving
You're in the kitchen humming
All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing
By the time you wake up you have no clue how long you slept. More than a little disoriented as you crawl from the bed and shuffle down the steps of your home, still wiping the sleep from your eyes as you keep tripping on your way to the kitchen. 
He’s got his back to you as he hums, cooking over the stove, and the sight alone makes your eyes well up in tears. It had been almost 3 years with him, living together and building a life together. 
He doesn’t have time to turn as you dash to him, tears falling freely as you wrap your arms around him and cry into the shirt on his back, clutching the fabric between your fingers as he tries his best to hug back. “Hey hey. Take it easy.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said.” You sob, keeping him held tight. 
“It’s fine. We’ll figure it out.” He whispers, finally getting the perfect spot to turn and hug you back. “I can make trips down here, any time I get days off I can try to get back here. You don’t have to give up your life for me.”
“No.”
“Come on baby. We can’t just drop this.” He pleads, trying to move you both to the table so you can sit and have conversation. “I can’t lose you. I know we were both aware of this coming but it’s different now that it is here.”
“I quit my job.” You blurt, making him blink at you. “I quit and already called my mom to tell her. I’ll be going with you.” 
He can’t stop blinking at you, his heart stopping in his chest. “You didn’t have to…. You didn’t have to do that. I could have made the trips-”
“I don’t want to. I want you near all the time. I can’t live without you so if you’re being shipped to some stupid ocean side town then I will come with you and learn to swim.” You mumble out. 
“You can swim.” 
“Yeah…. In stillwater.” You laugh, the tears still falling. “I’ve given you 3 years. I’m not giving up now.”
“I know you don’t want this life ,marriage and being carted around.” He sighs. “But I was too selfish to let you go. And I can’t do that. I can’t let you go.”
“Is that what you think? That I don’t want to marry you?”
“Well your friends always sai-”
“I would love to marry you….. Okay you will actually have to ask me, this is not a proposal.”
“Okay, just take a breath.” Bobby laughs, watching you shake in the seat of his cockpit. “It’s just flying.”
“I’m not going in the air.” You snap a little too aggressively, the panic of being in the seat beginning to get to you. It was too high already, and you did not know how he did this on a day to day basis. “Let me out.”
“Okay, hold on. Take a deep breath with me now baby and just relax.” He orders, rubbing your arm comfortably. “Take a breath. You’re okay. Just take a look.” 
You do what he says and take a deep breath in, looking around his cockpit before you spot the small rock from your first date sitting under the sun on the dashboard. “You still have that?”
“Of course.” He laughs, reaching past you to grab it before beginning to point and show you all the cool things in the cockpit. 
They said the end is coming (they said the end is coming)
Everyone's up to something (everyone's up to something)
I find myself running home to your sweet nothings
Outside, they're push and shoving (outside, they're push and shoving)
You're in the kitchen humming (you're in the kitchen humming)
All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing
The new place had a weird energy. 
You were still getting used to not being so close to your family and days at the beach were not as amazing as you dreamed them to be. Bobby was a part of a ‘secret team’ and his days were pretty packed with a high paced training schedule at first so there were many days you were left alone to figure out what to do. 
You ended up getting another job, this one you liked a little more than the last but it was still so new to you. 
It would take you a while to get used to everything which was fine, you had never had to move like that before but it would all be fine. 
But today Bobby got time off, which you made sure would be spent well. Dressing up in a great outfit and driving out to the stadium to scream Taylor Swift at the top of your lungs. 
By the time he drags you home you have drunkenly decided that the poster you got from the Eras tour might help you liven your new house with.  Bobby agrees, smiling from ear to ear as you hang it up lopsided, knowing that if it makes you happy then he will 100 percent get more for every room of the house. 
You fall asleep in his arms, letting him whisper sweet nothings in your ear.
132 notes · View notes
xo-rihanna · 1 year ago
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Forget Him Part 2 - Neteyam Sully
A/N - Oh my fucking god its been like too many months since I've written something, god damn I apologise. I've been going through a bit of a storm lately and genuinely forgot that I had this account and these drafts🤭 I’ve had a few submissions so I’ll be getting started on them soon🫡 ALSO I FEEL LIKE THE ENDING OF THIS IS SHIT AND IF IT IS PLS LET ME KNOW AND I'LL REWRITE IT OR SOMETHING THANK YOU
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All characters are aged up. Warnings - arguing, swearing, p in v, oral (f receiving), fighting, Lo’ak is a dick but I’ll make up for it I promise🫶🏻 also this is not proof read so ignore any spelling mistakes or errors🩷 MDNI
"You're mine now." Neteyam whispered against your bare skin. The thick wilderness enclosing you gave the impression that it was just the two of you on the whole of Pandora. Just you and Neteyam, in your own bubble of lovesick air and wet kisses. You hummed gently as Neteyam once again found your nipple and took it into his mouth, your fingers found his braids and threaded themselves into them.
In the fog of the moment, you couldn't shake away what Loak's reaction to this would be. Rage is all you could think of. Red hot rage, no doubt he'd start on Neteyam straight away. You had no regrets, you realised in your first kiss with Neteyam that you'd be in love with him all along but you couldn't wash the guilt building in a pit in your stomach.
Like an instinct, Neteyam's firm hand found your hot cheek and his thumb stroked against the soft skin gently knowing your thoughts were creeping up on you. "Don't think about him, Y/n." He breathed into your neck, planting kisses along your jawline. Your body submitted to him in ways it never did with Lo'ak and you relaxed under the gentle rain of kisses.
Neteyam knew your body immediately and you finally understood the meaning of being someone's mate. You were emotionally, mentally and physically on the same level as him, and you now understood why you never mated with Lo'ak. You weren't compatible, you shared only a common sexual desire which could never be quenched. With Neteyam you were whole, you would never go thirsty. Lo'ak had some maturing to do but Neteyam was already there and that's what you needed.
Neteyam's eyes glinted and he rose, gently settling you on the forest floor. His fingers trailed your body, over every bioluminescent freckle and fluttered around the strings of your loincloth. You hadn't even noticed the slick pooling beneath it. A warm fire kindled in your womb and the thirst to feel him inside you crashed over you. Neteyam smiled, your desire for him was evident in your eyes which looked into his desperately. "Patience, tiyawn." He savoured every second of this, watching how your body reacted to his touch. Wanting this night to last forever.
With his eyes locked on yours, he took his time to undo your loincloth and drag it down your legs and finally completely off, disregarding it in the wilderness. You drew a sharp breath as the cool night air hit your bare core. Neteyam was almost in a trance, his breath hitching in his throat. He parted your legs, and kissed your stomach. "Don't be afraid to be loud." He gave you a small grin as you rolled your eyes and answered, "You wish, Teyam."
With a strong hold on your thighs, Neteyam explored your soaked pussy with his tongue. Tasting the nectar of your body and finding out exactly what you liked. Your sweet moans and whimpers forced their way from your throat. Your back arched off the cold forest floor and you clung to Neteyam's braids in desperation. Neteyam’s iron grip on your thighs made it impossible to escape his beautiful tongue as it worked on your sopping core. Your cries filled the humid air and Neteyam moaned as your juices filled his mouth and followed lusciously down to your cheeks, finding just as much pleasure in this as you did.
“Holy shit, Neteyam! I’m gonna cum!” You managed to let out these words between your uncontrollable moans, feeling a coil tightening in your stomach. Neteyam hummed and the vibration fluttered against your sensitive clit which was being rolled against his tongue, sending throbs of pleasure through your body. Your legs began to tremble and your mouth hung open in bliss as your release washed over you. You came into Neteyam’s welcoming mouth and he lapped up the excess like a thirsty puppy. When he resurfaced, his eyes were golden, the lust practically spilling out of them as they locked on your own which fluttered as you came down from your high. The evidence of your orgasm was still dripping luxuriously down his chin.
The warm fire in your womb was now raging and the pleasure from your first orgasm made you hungry for another. Neteyam released your thighs and they wrapped around his waist, pleading for his touch. A grin found his lips and they found yours, the desire to feel you around him now evident in his eagerness. “Think you can take me, baby?” His voice was cocky and you bit your lip, nodding your head.
“Use your words, yawne.” Your pussy clenched around nothing and you moaned at how he was dragging this out. “Yes Teyam, now please fuck me I can’t wait any longer.” The connection from your bond heightened your emotions and you could feel yourself losing it. Neteyam’s eyes darkened and while one hand cupped the side of your face, admiring your beauty in the reflecting light of the bioluminescent plants, the other untied his loincloth and let it drop to the ground. His cock sprung up already dripping pre cum.
Out of curiosity, you peered down at it and found that while he wasn’t much longer then Lo’ak, he was almost twice as thick. You shuddered, that’s never gonna fit. Neteyam must have read your face because he kissed you comfortingly and started to gently run his tip between your wet folds, “Don’t look so scared, I won’t ever hurt you.” He assured you. After making sure his cock was covered in as much of your slick as possible, he pushed himself gently into you. Only allowing the tip, to let yourself start to adjust. Your back arched significantly off the thick forest floor and a shocked gasp escaped your plump lips.
Neteyam groaned watching your face screw up in pleasure, but remained composed and resisted the temptation to slide the rest of his length into you. The hot feeling of being stretched to the brim quickly subsided and pleasure took over. You whined and wrapped your legs strongly around Neteyam’s waist trying to pull him further into you.
Neteyam chuckled and gave you what you want, “Someone’s needy.” He groaned. He was giving you slow, hard thrusts. Sweet sounds escaped your mouth when his hips made contact with your skin, a small slapping sound filtering into the echo of the wilderness. “Neteyam please don’t- I need you so bad.” Your eyebrows knitted as frustration set in, desperate for him to pick up the pace.
Neteyam hummed and kissed your neck, sucking at the skin so dark purple hickeys formed. Marking you as his. Neteyam’s slow thrusts began to quicken, pushing himself into you until he had nothing left to give. His tip kissed at your sweet spot effortlessly. Immediately, you became a hot mess under him. Your soft whimpers turned into intense moans and you felt your stomach bulge with every thrust.
Neteyam watched you in awe as he admired the faces you made, his own pleasure rippling through him. He groaned and felt a shudder of pleasure hit every nerve in his body, your beautiful faces we’re gonna send him to Eywa. “Fuck you’re so pretty tìyawn.” He moaned, unwrapping your legs from his waist and lifting them to his shoulders, thrusting passionately into you as you practically screamed his name into the night.
“Fuck Neteyam! You’re s-so deep!” You cried, your stomach felt tight like it couldn’t take anymore of Neteyam’s pounding.
“I know, I know baby. But this is what you wanted wasn’t it? You want to cum all over my dick, hm?” His voice was like velvet and his words sent you closer to your release. Neteyam rubbed his face into the crook of your neck biting down gently as he fucked into you relentlessly, your walls tightening around him was driving him crazy. Your hands clawed at his back, scratching at the beautiful blue skin.
“Neteyam p-please I’m gonna cum!” You moaned, losing yourself as your legs started to shake on his shoulders.
Neteyam nodded, biting his own lip as the pain from your scratches and the pleasure from his thrusting was threatening to finish him. “Cum baby. Cum all over my fucking dick.” He commanded.
With a loud trail of moans and whimpers, your legs began to shake violently. Your stomach contracted and you gushed all over his dick. Neteyam followed swiftly after, groaning as his thick cum coated your walls. He thrusted lazily to help you through your high before withdrawing, a river of cum oozing out of you, and collapsing onto the forest floor next to you.
His arms found you and brought you to lay on his chest, his heart thumped softly in your ear. A sudden tiredness washed over you and you almost fell asleep on Neteyam’s warm chest. “Neteyam.” You whispered.
Neteyam’s ears perked at your voice and he hummed in response. “I love you.” You murmured. A massive smile found its way to Neteyam’s face and he kissed the top of you head sweetly, soaking in your scent. “I love you too, tìyawn.” He told you.
The stars twinkled down onto you as you took a moment to just appreciate the night together. It couldn’t be more perfect. “I just wanted to tell you that before your likely death at the hands of Lo’ak when we go back.” You sighed, you didn’t want to go back. You were happy in your little bubble with Neteyam.
“Not gonna happen. I just got you, I’m not letting him ruin that.” He laughed slightly before sitting up and running his eyes over the marks he made on you.
You spent another hour cleaning each other up. Bathing each other in a hot spring nearby. You turned Neteyam around to run water over his back and gasped slightly when you saw the sight of his marked back. Hot pink scratches ran down his skin, and you traced them gently. “Don’t you dare apologise. I like when you mark me. It’s fair game. Plus it’ll just remind Lo’ak of who has you now.” You smiled and kissed his back tenderly.
You watched Neteyam intently as he cleaned you up, taking extra care when lifting your legs. You had never seen Lo’ak be so gently with you, but every movement from Neteyam was delicate. The way he wrung out the cloth that he washed you with, his fingers against your skin, the way he patted you dry. You didn’t think it was possible to fall even more in love with this man, but you were.
And when you finally had to return to the village, Neteyam engulfed you in his warm body as you flew on his ikran to keep you warm against the biting wind. As you saw the flickering fires of your village approaching in the distance, a nervous feeling settled into your stomach. “Can you stay with me tonight?” You asked Neteyam, just loud enough for him to hear above the flapping of wings.
Neteyam kissed your temple and nodded, knowing you must have felt nervous about confronting Lo’ak. After a few minutes, all the while your stomach churned with anxiety, Neteyam landed his ikran softly in front of your lonely hut. “We don’t have to tell Lo’ak tonight baby. I’ll stay with you and we can just tell him tomorrow.” Neteyam proposed, stroking your arm comfortingly before jumping gracefully onto the ground and helping you down.
You nodded, feeling some unease evaporate. You took Neteyam’s hand as you led the way into your hut. You quickly realised Neteyam has never really been in your bedroom. You blushed at the thought of him seeing your childhood toys you kept for sentimental reasons. As you opened the flap and stepped into your main space, your smile fell as you saw Lo’ak sat on your couch, glaring daggers into you.
Neteyam walked in after you and was just as shocked to see Lo’ak. Lo’ak smiled at his brother, “Thanks for bringing her home bro. You can go now.” He told his brother, his gaze returning back to you. How he hadn’t noticed your hands intertwined together you didn’t know but you were just waiting for him to explode.
“Where have you been Y/n?” Lo’ak asked, stretching I comfortably. It made you mad, seeing how comfortable he was intruding your home when you thought you had made it clear earlier you didn’t want him here. “Lo’ak I think we need to talk.” Neteyam spoke for you.
Lo’ak caught glimpse of your hands wrapped together and his chest visibility shuddered. You could see his jaw clench from where you were stood. To your surprise, he laughed gently as he stood up, his braids tied back in a ponytail. He approached Neteyam and pushed him slightly on the shoulder with a smile firm on his lips still, “Did you fuck my girl?” His voice was like venom and you felt the anticipation of a fist fight lingering in the air.
“Lo’ak please-“ You tried to push Lo’ak gently away from your mate. His skin was hot against your skin like it always was when he was raging. Neteyam pushed you back with his arm protectively, his eyes locked on his little brother. Lo’ak eyes faltered on the dark marks on your neck and chest, the sudden scent of his brother on your skin now pungent in the hot air. Lo’ak lipped his bottom lip. “Lo’ak we need to talk like adults here.” Neteyam spoke calmly but you could feel a hint of a threat in his voice.
Lo’ak nodded and smiled, it was a smile you recognised, a smile he gave when he was about to blow. “Talk like adults. Mhm. Okay. That’s fine.” He finished his sentence with a firm punch to Neteyam’s jaw, sending him stumbling back before regaining his balance.
“Don’t fucking touch her! She’s mine! Hear me! Mine.” Lo’ak roared, veins in his arm popping with rage. Neteyam dropped his jaw, moving it to assess any injuries. He knew his brother never intended to hurt anyone, he was a rebellious teenager who couldn't control his anger. He just needed some guidance. Still, he couldn't lie and say that it didn't sting. "Lo'ak enough! Please. We are mated, its done! There's nothing you can do now. I love him." Your voice softened as you reached the end of your words.
Hearing the word "mated" was a slap in the face to Lo'ak. The severity of the situation set in. He watched as you rushed to Neteyam, checking him over affectionately. As much as he hated to admit it, it felt right. He had no intention of mating with you, he couldn't give you what you wanted and he couldn't love you as much as Neteyam could. It was like you said, he had some growing to do.
"Y-you're mated?" He said softly, like he was trying to get it through his head. Neteyam nodded, "Yes Lo'ak. I'm sorry, but I don't regret it." He told his brother. You felt guilty, like you'd abandoned Lo'ak when he needed you. You bit your lip and wrapped your arms around him, allowing him to hug you. Lo'ak felt the realisation and buried his head into your neck despite the scent of your new mate flooding his nose. "I'm sorry Lo'ak. You'll make a woman very happy someday." You let him go and smiled, kissing his cheek innocently.
Lo'ak smiled ever so slightly, nodding to his brother. This didn't rid him of the betrayal he was feeling nor the anger which was now more directed at himself but he had come to terms with it. It was Eywa's will.
"We'll talk later?" Neteyam suggested to his brother, wanting to mend things over. Lo'ak nodded, looked to you and smiled before walking himself from your hut leaving whatever feelings he had for you with it.
Neteyam wrapped his arms fluidly around your waist, studying your features up close. "He'll be okay, we'll help him. Like you said, he'll make a woman happy someday. Just not my woman." Neteyam ended with a smirk and kissed you.
You were ready for this new chapter in your life. You were where you belonged all along.
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mxtantrights · 8 months ago
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Can you Do a Dick Grayson x Fem! Reader, where the Reader ends up in the Batverse and both discover they're Soulmates and crisis erased the readers earth, plus family. They bond and starting to talk about everything, he's comforting her and offers her to move in. Both fall in love and marry two years after, reader is a Chinese-German girl
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a/n: this has been in my drafts for a while and I'm so sorry about that. at first I was stuck because I wanted to write this but I didn't know how to write from the perspective of a Chinese-German reader. So I made the background neutral. I hope that's okay!
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so I loved this request thank you so much for sending it in! I didn't focus on the Chinese-German aspect, and left it fairly neutral. As always you can imaging this how you want.
The last thing you remember is going to bed. Everything was fine-everything was normal. You had work in the morning, you had already ironed your clothes and were thinking about which place to go to for lunch. Everything was fine.
Then you woke up in someone else's bed. The sheets were silky black. And the furniture in the room didn't look anything like yours. You try to wrap your head around it-maybe you had a one night stand and forgot to go home?
But wouldn't you remember that?
You get up with a start and look down at your body. Clothes are still intact. No one night stand, you sigh in relief. You crawl out of the bed and look for the door.
Once you find it, you pull it open. And right there waiting for you is the most gorgeous man you've ever seen. Blue eyes. Black hair. Pretty smile.
"Hi baby, I've got breakfast on the stove but I wanted to know if you wanna try the new creamer?" he asks.
You cock your head to the side. You understand every word he's saying, except one. Baby. Baby? Who was he calling baby? Was there someone else he was speaking to in the room? Were you in one of those invisible dreams?
All of a sudden his hand comes up and brushes your chin.
"Baby?" he asks again.
And it hits you then and there that he's talking to you! He's calling you baby! Your mind automatically think it's a dream. That you may have woken up but that was part of this dream. You were still sleeping.
Your only response is to hum. You watch as he glides into the bedroom, he says something about you being able to sleep through almost anything but somehow you were awake right now.
You don't feel like it.
This has to be a dream.
-
A week into this new life, you find out it is not dream. You keep going to sleep but waking up here. Here, in this world with Dick Grayson. Every night he comes home to you, kisses you on the cheek and says goodnight.
You've learned a lot about him while he's busy. When he's at work you look him up freely. Son of Bruce Wayne. Cop. Heartbreaker.
And you do your best to make all this information seem like old news to you. If you can't he'll see right through you.
There's also the fact that he comes in late at night or very early in morning. While you know what his official job is, you don't know what it is he does at night. What causes him to come home with bloody knuckles, cuts to the lip and fresh bruises.
You want to ask but you know that if you do, you'll give it all away. He'll know that this isn't your world. And you'll be out on the street with no way of helping yourself get back home.
So for a week you keep your questions to yourself.
Until you can't help it.
He comes in at two am in the morning. He's clinching his side and wincing with every step he takes. You get out of bed right then and there. You can't stand to see him in pain.
"Okay you have to tell me what's going on." you say.
Dick looks at you sweetly, "It's just a tough case baby. Don't worry."
"I don't think the department has great insurance to cover you getting beat up like this." you reply.
"This isn't that bad." he answers.
"Isn't that bad?! Dick you're barely breathing right now!"
He cocks his head to the side at your outburst. You curse yourself. If you didn't give yourself away this whole week, you just did it. He's a detective after all.
"You're not my girlfriend." he states.
You gulp, "I don't know what you mean."
"Don't lie to me. You've been different since that morning, you're not her." he explains.
You sigh and sit on the bed. With your head dropped to the floor you debate on the words to use. How exactly do you tell him that this isn't your world. That you come from a world where superheroes and vigilantes don't exist.
"I don't know how it happened. I went to sleep one night and then next thing I know I'm waking up on your silk sheets." you answer honestly.
There's a moment of silence. And then Dick grunts. You pick your head up to view him. He's pulling a jacket on over his clothes. You get up from the bed quickly.
"We need to talk to Bruce."
-
You're sitting in the dinning room. It's quiet except for the faint sound of voices coming from the other room. It's Dick and his father, and his brothers. They're all talking about you.
When you first got here, you were met with weary looks. Apparently they could all tell you didn't fit in here. But Dick hadn't caught it and he was the only person you talked to since you arrived.
You explained to them as best you could. And then Dick ushered you into the dinning room. They needed to deliberate the situation. Which meant they were talking about you in a whole other room like you were a problem to solve.
You wanted to go home badly. But you wanted to be a part of the process. What if they ended up sending you to another world? What if you got stuck there?
The door opens and you turn around to see who it is that's come to talk to you.
A man in a trench coat.
You don't recognize him. It makes you stand up from your seat.
"If you're gonna blast me to another world can we make sure it's the right one?" you ask, the words tumbling out of your mouth faster than you can think.
The man laughs, "I like this one."
This one?
You scoff, "This one has a name."
"Yeah, and apparently it's the same one as the woman of this world, but you're not her."
You notice the way he says it. Like he knows you. Or not you, her. The you of this world.
"You knew her?" you ask.
He nods his head, "She and I go back a bit. She'd want to come home."
"I want to go home too. I'd do anything." you admit.
"Good, because I need to look inside your mind."
You decide to not give him any backtalk. Why would you? You want to go home so badly. If you got a headache or a migraine from this you wouldn't care.
The man instructs you to lay on the table. Which freaks you out. But you try to not let your nervousness show. You do as he says and lay flat on the table. You shut your eyes.
He tells you to relax and that the process will be painless.
He lies.
Once you feel him in your mind, it feels like someone is scratching the inside of your head. It feels uncomfortable. And then when eh goes perusing into your memories it feels even worse.
As he gets to a week ago, you feel your skin getting hotter. Your breath shaky.
You can see it.
You go to bed. Everything is normal. Your alarm clock is set. Your clothes are laid out for the next day. All the lights are off. And you doze off.
Behind your eyelids you see it. How the darkness transforms into a blinding light. You open your eye at the last second but you can see nothing. Just a bright light, and how hot everything is against your skin.
You lurch off the table with a gasp.
In-between your distress your eyes catch people running into the room. Dick, his brothers and his father. Dick comes to your side and takes your hand into his.
"You're okay. Everything is fine." he tries soothing you.
You shake your head, "No it's not. None of this is okay."
You look over at the man who looked into your mind. He's looking at you with grim features. Nothing about what you saw was good, but looking at him makes you double sure.
"He clears his throat.
"She's from a crisis Earth. It got erased." he answers.
Crisis Earth? What does that mean? As you look at Dick you realize that it means something to the others in the room. Something bad, based on their faces.
-
It takes time to come to terms with the fact that you can't go home. It's explained to you over and over again but your brain doesn't let you believe it.
You walk around like a zombie for the first few weeks. Dick let's you take the spare room in his apartment. Sleeping in the same bed with him felt weird when you realized that you weren't leaving, and his you wasn't coming back anytime soon.
Constantine, the man who looked into your mind, told you that the mechanics of what happened were are. You came from one world to the next, and pushed the you of this world out. He didn't say if out meant that the other you was gone for good or just lost.
It makes you toss and turn at night. You feel like you're to blame for all of this. Even though you didn't do anything.
Sleep doesn't come easy to you.
One night you have a nightmare. You can picture it so clearly. That night when you went to bed and everything changed. How your skin felt like it was being burned. How you couldn't see anything but the bright hot light.
Dick has to wake you up. He grabs a hold of your shoulders and shakes you awake. You sob and sob. He consoles you the best he can knowing that you're not his. It's odd. It's unshakable. It's not right.
-
About six months in you have a job. You work enough hours to afford a place on your own. Which is what prompted you to get the job in the first place.
But as you're boxing up the few things you've collected since you're arrival, you find yourself not wanting to leave. Maybe it's because Dick is the only person who knows what you're going through. The only person to show you grace and help you out.
You do your best to power through it.
And when you finally get the last box tapped up, Dick comes bolting in your room. You had planned on leaving while he was at work, but that plan is thwarted.
"We're you just going to leave without saying goodbye?" he asks you bluntly.
You swipe your hands on the back of your pants.
"I know me being here is just a constant reminder of what you lost, I thought I'd save you the heartache." you answer sadly.
You pick up the box and move past him and to the other boxes that are pilled up next to the front door. He moves in sync with you. Living with him for six months meant that the two of you coexisted. You learned each other's routines, behaviors, habits.
Dick grabs the box from you before you can put it down yourself.
"I don't want you to leave." he says.
You look at him sharply.
"Dick, I can't thank you enough for all that you've done for me. But I can't stay here, it's not fair to you." you explain.
But you can see with the more words you speak, the more agitated he gets.
"Who said it's not fair? I didn't say that. Ask me what I think about this!" he replies.
You sigh, "You're not thinking straight. I have her face. You want her, not me."
Dick stops for a moment. He places his hands on his hips and gives you a look you can't read. You weren't good at reading him like he is you.
"I want you to stay. I don't want you to move. I don't want you out of my life, and it's not because I think you're her or that you're replacing her."
You look at him then. Confusion is all you have on your mind. Why would he want a constant reminder of what he lost around? Why would he want you to stay?
"I was supposed to sign the lease today."
"Please, please don't sign that lease. Please don't leave." Dick says.
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fitzrove · 1 month ago
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Musical questions! 28, 29, 30?
[To celebrate 400 followers I'm finally answering all these from my drafts :D]
28. What's a musical that you saw ages ago that you're still not over? What about it made you love it so much?
If watching a video counts as "seeing": Tanz der Vampire. I saw posters and ads on the street for the Helsinki 2016 production... but that was after it was already over, in April/May!!!!! I was so curious about it but forgot after the initial wondering. Then that summer I went to a two-week language camp/course in the UK (my first time abroad without parents!) where we were singing Total Eclipse in the music room and an older "camp counsellor" girl from Germany told us it's actually from a musical, and that night I took it as my sign to look it up and ended up watching sooo many clips on YouTube over and over for the rest of my time at that course, and eventually the whole 2005 proshot with English subs.
Something about it spoke to me in a way no other musical had before - I mean, I had liked POTO for years, that summer I also started listening to Hamilton, but neither of those rattled in my head to the same obsessive degree as TdV did <3
It came into my life at a special time, has come and gone since, and whenever I get back to it, it still hits the hardest out of any show I've ever watched. Whether it be the epic orchestral rock score (I'm not like an über Steinman fan but I like his stuff), the level of emotion (some would say melodrama <3) and the way the show itself has come to symbolise a lot of things to me over the years (freedom to leave an environment you're not happy in and remaking your life elsewhere; freedom to be yourself and go after what you want even if it goes against what's conventional or societally acceptable; the world belonging "to the shameless and the wicked" and the rest of us just having to roll with it). So yeah >:)
I've now seen TdV live three times: once in Stuttgart in autumn 2021, and twice in Hamburg this summer (2024). It wasn't perfect but it meant a lot :') I've also met Aris Sas and he liked my headcanons and hot takes, and wished me the best in my life and my studies 😭🙏
29. What's a musical that you used to really like but don't anymore? What made you fall out of love with it?
I think I'm falling out of love with Wicked!! It was one of the first shows I saw live (back in Finland) and that production left a lasting impression on me, but after seeing it in London twice (heheh) I think I'm satiated :') I will still want to see the movie though! I probably just won't have the energy to engage that much with the hot takes it will probably spawn kslsls. Plus I hate the discourse that the movie is stirring up about how the book is better and that should've been a movie instead dkkdldls. I think the book is kind of terrible and takes itself too seriously. Plus the sex scenes are bad bad bad bad....
Anyway - still like the musical, I think I have just overlistened to it and I don't usually find too much to "chew on" in the fandom space :D Especially since I don't know/care about Wizard of Oz lore 😭
30. What's a musical that's grown on you since you first saw it or listened to it? What made you appreciate it more?
Rudolf: Affaire Mayerling.......... I still think it's terrible but I keep making friends with people who know that it's inaccurate (and don't really care about defending its honor skkskd) and still love it for being camp 😭 I used to have a very negative view of it but now I can just listen to Du bleibst bei mir on repeat, enjoy wholeheartedly and pretend it's the whole show 😌 obligatory mention that I met and took a pic with Wietske at the Les Mis München stagedoor this year 😭😭😭😭🙏🙏
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jameui · 2 years ago
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i'm knocking your doors at 1 in the fucking morning to, idk, spread filthiness :) ANW,
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you and jaemin have a very contentious relationship inside nct ever since you debuted along with sungtaro, bc according to him, you're too frail and "untalented" to debut just yet. every rehearsals, he would throw snarky remarks to you even though you are doing great and being praised by your instructors,,,
fast forward,, you and jaemin are both casted in an episode of nct universe where both of you will drink along with the other sm rookies, after the filming, jaemin was really drunk that he started slurring out some things that you don't know of, including his feelings and the way you made him fall in love with your charm. he's supposed to hate you, and he started sobbing as he hugged you— u ofc don't feel the same way towards him, but the sexual attraction is there.
fast forward again, you both fell asleep in the same room and you told him about his drunken confessions last night and how embarrassing it was for him (basically u were using his own words of humiliation towards him), and that made jaemin feel so little around you. you seductively made your way towards him before straddling his lap, playing with his lips as you toyed with his submissiveness. the rest was history.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
ps. i'm sorry if i haven't answered your ask just yet :) they're in my drafts and i'm still quite not finished with it
pps. i may or may not have been writing this thirst right now
ppps. i love jaemin so much, and i'm willing to let him stuff me
pppps. HAPPY NEW YEAR !!
OMG, STOP! you know what reading this just made me eager for him SHKAOABQKABZLZBAO
ever since their debut, jaemin has always been my bias wrecker and may have not been betraying jeno for him. BUT enough blabbering.
i don't care what others may think, but just imagine a few of the dreamies accidentally barging, (kind of thinking of jeno, mark, and renjun) in on the two of you since obviously one of you forgot to lock the doors last night. they blush really hard and one by one they left the room, except jeno who had been eyeing since they of your debut in the group. you never really actually noticed him until now that he's standing right beside the door with nothing but boxers, fresh out of the shower. 'i don't mind a few extra work out with the two of you. i could maybe show you... a thing or two. show you just how hard i can get.' just you know something in between those lines. imagine jeno seducing you through his words and how the words just casuallu left his lips like it was nothing and well it ends up with you three having a really wet and wild sex. of course, the other two were just behind the door hearing your moans while jerking each other's cock off, but renjun being a sneaky little boy that he is, opens the door to your shared room with jaemin and mark falls on his back, while renjun stands outside of the door with his cock standing strong waiting for attention. and it ends up with a gang bang
-------
FUCKKK!! A WILD DREAMM I GUESS
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daggerzine · 2 years ago
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The interview: Inside the mind of Aug Stone.
Aug Stone is a writer, musician, comedian and probably a few other things i am not aware of. I first got turned on to him in his terrific book Nick Cave’s Bar. Then, shortly after that, came The Ballad of Buttery Ass Cake, his latest novel which was even better than the Cave one. I wanted to know what makes this guy tick so I shot some questions his way and he was more than happy to answer. 
Read on and check out his website, too (listed at the bottom of the page...lots o’ goodies there). 
Ladies and gentlemen, i present, Aug Stone!
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On stage in Brooklyn. 
When/where did the writing bug come from?
AS: I was working at a temp job at a bank in Boston after I graduated college in 1998 and I kept making notes on the adding machine paper. I had no real plans for what I was jotting down. But I was a voracious reader at the time, trying to devour all of Nabokov, Evelyn Waugh, and Martin Amis. At my next temp job, they only needed me for certain tasks so a lot of time was just spent waiting at my desk and I continued to write down whatever popped into my head. During this time I realized a novel was taking shape. I wrote a couple novels which were never published. Good practice. Though the best practice comes from just writing every day. As for writing about music, I clearly remember being on a train between Brussels and Antwerp in 2010 and it dawning on me that I should just start a blog. It comes from always being so excited about music and books and wanting to tell other people about them. I forgot about the blog thing for a few months but one night in March 2011, I went to a gig PennyBlackMusic was putting on in South London with The Hall Of Mirrors (Jessica Winter’s old band, excellent 60s-esque tunes) and Nick Garrie. I enjoyed the show so much, the next day I was inspired to start my First Kiss Lips blog. I just kept doing it and Bill from God Is In The TV soon told me if I ever wanted to write for them I could and I went at that with gusto. By the end of the year I had written my first piece for The Quietus and I was thrilled that John Doran emailed me when it was published that I should ‘write some more’ for them. Back in 2004 when I returned to the States after living in London for the first time, I had the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever had, so I knew I had to do it. I had been re-reading all the James Bond novels and I came up with the character of James Vagabond of the British Drunken Secret Service. I was really pleased with this and thought ‘well what can I have him do?’ Soon it hit me that he should go back in time to stop Prohibition from ever happening. I banged out a first draft of Off-License To Kill in about five weeks then revised it a few times over the years, and one last time after I quit drinking in 2012. It became a sort of ode to my drinking days, which were pretty fun for a while. It was around this time it was becoming easier to publish to self-publish so I decided to do that. After my best friend Andy died in August 2020, it was very important for me to get the Nick Cave’s Bar book out, as a tribute to our friendship. I had been telling the story live in the months before the pandemic hit and really wanted it to keep going. In fact, in the months after Andy passed away it became imperative to get it out there. I’d wake up every day and just have at it, wanting to share this bizarre adventure we went on as 23 year olds, trying to find a bar it was rumored our favourite singer owned, in a foreign country, without a clue as to its name or address, and which in the end turned out not to exist at all. Writing and publishing that was such a rewarding experience I’ve been full-steam-ahead ever since. Finished two books last year – The Ballad Of Buttery Cake Ass and a collection of tall tales about the role facial hair has played over the years in athletic competition, called Sporting Moustaches, which Sagging Meniscus is publishing next April. Hard at work on a new one as well.
Do you remember your first piece of writing as a youngster?
AS: Yeah. And it’s kind-of strange because it wasn’t really mine. Along with a couple others in my fifth grade class, I was picked to write a short story. I told my grandfather about it and he told me that he once had an idea for a story. My grandfather was a very creative man musically, artistically, but this was the only time I’d ever heard him mention writing. So I took his idea and added the details. The plot was about a scientist who is arrested and will most likely be sent to the electric chair so he lets it slip that as a safety measure he has invented and swallowed a device the size of a pea, that if connected to a surge of electricity has the power to blow up an entire city. Not the sort of thing I’d usually write. I also found recently some ideas for comics I wrote when I was even younger which were basically just Asterix rip-offs set in outer space and in feudal Japan (I was fascinated by martial arts as a child). I’ve got a couple comics scripts in the works as well. Would love to find an artist for them.
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Southpaw Beach Sunset
What’s the last book you read?
  AS: Ned Beauman’s latest novel, Venomous Lumpsucker. Which I very much enjoyed. I’m a big fan of his work. I took a chance on his Madness Is Better Than Defeat when I was driving across country in 2018. Loved it. And The Teleportation Accident is even better. I love how his work takes you all over the place and you never know where it’s going next, all while maintaining a strong narrative that doesn’t get knocked about by these wild waves. It’s quite unique. Very funny too.
Where did the inspiration come from The Ballad of Buttery Ass Cake?
AS: When my childhood best friend and I were teenagers we used to make up fake bands to ask for at record stores. And to this day, one of the funniest things I have ever heard in my life was hearing Bri ask the clerk at Cutler’s Records & Tapes in New Haven, CT one day during winter break in 1991 if they had anything by Buttery Cake Ass. The guy behind the counter really wanted to help, you could see it in his eyes, there were a lot of bands with strange names around at the time – Ned’s Atomic Dustbin, Poi Dog Pondering, Meat Beat Manifesto – and New Haven was a big college town with good taste in music. He asked us ‘Is there any particular album you’re looking for?’ Without missing a beat, I said the first thing that popped into my head ‘Live In Hungaria’. The guy looked even more puzzled. ‘Do you mean ‘Live In Hungary’. Bri and I got very serious, shaking our heads no. ‘It’s definitely Live In Hungaria’. And as that poor man walked away to go check their stock for a record we had made up only seconds before, holding in that laughter was a feeling of utterly absurd joy. A feeling I always try to get back to whenever I do comedy. So I decided to tell the Buttery Cake Ass story, based around two best friends who go on a years long quest to find Live In Hungaria and along the way, piece together the history of the band. It’s bizarre how much of my own life went into a book called The Ballad Of Buttery Cake Ass. But I ended up using a lot of what it was like in my early bands, when you have these huge ideas about music and what you want your place in it to be, all the while having little idea how to make any of that happen. And when I got to college my friend Vic and I went on some pretty epic record shopping extravaganzas around Boston. Ones that left both body and wallet utterly exhausted. I drew on those experiences quite heavily for the quest part of the story.
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At Repo Records.
Is the writing, music and comedy all intertwined in your brain?
  AS: Yeah. This all comes out in its purest form in my Young Southpaw stories. That’s really how my brain works, going off on wild tangents sparked off by some musical connection or other. Ideas like ‘what if David Bowie had replaced David Lee Roth as the singer of Van Halen?’ or ‘what if Gilligan’s Island had been a musical, with instead of Bob Denver get John Denver, have Geri Halliwell/Ginger Spice as Ginger, Professor Griff from Public Enemy, and of course Thurston Moore as Thurston Howell III’. I’ve really liked putting those stories to music in recent years, and I have a backlog of stuff I still have to record.
When was your first stand up gig? how did you feel before and afterward?
AS: October 4, 2018. I rarely make New Year’s resolutions but that year I did because stand up was always something I’d wanted to try. I’d recorded the first long form Young Southpaw story, “At The Movies”, in August so I finally had ‘material’. And I realized time was running out, 2/3 of the year was already gone. Now, I have a big interest in Chinese Metaphysics and within that realm there’s something called Date Selection, choosing the optimal time to do something. So I chose that date and then set about looking for open mics in Nashville, where I was living at the time. And there weren’t any! But there was one in Memphis, 210 miles away. And I thought, well, if I’m gonna do this, this will show the seriousness of my intent. I took the day off work and drove down, listening to the audiobook of James Montague’s excellent Thirty-One Nil: On The Road With Football’s Outsiders and occasionally going over my 5 minute set. Not too much, to keep it fresh. The feeling before was one of just pure intent and focus. I was going to do this. Though I had no idea what to expect. And it did dawn on me how strange what I was doing was, especially considering the out-there-ness of the Southpaw material. But I got to the place, The P&H Café, and there was a big painting of Elvis above the stage and I love Elvis. Everything seemed right, like this was what I was supposed to be doing. I went on sixth and it was AMAZING! That first laugh came about 30 seconds in and it was just the best feeling. The host thanked me for getting the crowd laughing, because no one really had been before, and people came up to me to say how much they liked the surrealness of it and all the musical references. I was on cloud nine. I mentioned Cynthia Rhodes in that very first set. She was my first crush after seeing her in Staying Alive and I remembered the final scene to that movie where John Travolta tells her what he feels like doing now is to strut so I strutted all the way back to my car and drove the three hours home feeling great the whole way, like my new life had begun.
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Aug in front of a window. 
What’s your top 10 desert island discs?
AS: (in no particular order) The Afghan Whigs – Black Love Dolly Mixture – The Demonstration Tapes Pharoah Sanders – Pharoah Miles Davis – Tribute To Jack Johnson Rancid - ...And Out Come The Wolves Hanoi Rocks – Back To Mystery City Girlfrendo – Surprise! Surprise! It’s Girlfrendo Guided By Voices – Human Amusements At Hourly Rates (is a Best Of cheating? I need this for the full-on rock version of ‘Game Of Pricks’) Van Halen - 1984 The Replacements – Pleased To Meet Me
The first band that made you want to give music a shot?
AS: It was seeing the world premiere of David Lee Roth’s ‘Yankee Rose’ video in the summer of 1986 that made me want to pick up a guitar. I thought Steve Vai making the guitar ‘talk’ was the coolest thing ever. I learned on an old acoustic that my grandfather built, the strings were 3 inches off the fretboard! But this convinced my parents I was serious and for xmas that year I got my first electric guitar, a white Japanese Squire Stratocaster. I immediately formed a band with my friends and we did very rudimentary versions of ‘Twist And Shout’ and ‘Jump’. A couple years later I discovered punk and was so drawn to its energy. I remember that same band doing a blistering version of ‘Anarchy In The U.K.’ one summer day in our drummer’s basement. But it was developing a deep love for AC/DC the year after that that got me writing songs with my friends. Funnily enough, the same summer day in 1986 that my father took me to see Rodney Dangerfield’s Back To School at the movie theatre, we went across the street to the mall afterwards and I bought David Lee Roth’s Eat ‘Em And Smile. I’m pretty sure that day set in motion the rest of my life, carried along by the forces of comedy and music.
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German Vegan
How’d you meet Bill Drummond?!
AS: I was writing a piece for The Quietus about the origin of The Teardrop Explodes’ name - https://thequietus.com/articles/09596-the-teardrop-explodes - and Bill was promoting his latest book, 100, at The Idler Bookshop, so I went down to talk to him about the Teardrops. I’ve always considered his work fascinating and it was great to talk to him. He was off to Paris the next day to do his The Lone Sweeper. I moved back to the States at the end of that year but on my subsequent visits, if he was free, we’d meet up for tea. I remember one particular conversation in 2016, where I starting telling him about a lady I was “smitten with”. It wasn’t going well and I was rather depressed about it. I often recall Bill’s words on the matter - “That’s the thing, it’s the work I’ve always been smitten with.” Damn good advice. Get smitten with the work. It’s really served me well in recent years.
What’s next in your world? Another book perhaps? AS: Right now I’m still focused on doing readings for The Ballad Of Buttery Cake Ass. The tour in February was great, awesome to hang out at record and book shops and talk to people about records and books all day. I’m still doing little jaunts. Heading down to Atlanta Memorial Day weekend with a stop at the very cool Epilogue Bookshop in Chapel Hill along the way. I’d really like to do more of this for as long as I can. I have an offer to go read in Seattle, which if I can find a couple other places to read in the Pacific Northwest, I’d love to make happen. I’d love to hit New York, L.A., Chicago, and Detroit too. And anywhere that has a cool record or book shop and wants me to come talk about music. Working on making all those happen. I’m really excited about Sagging Meniscus putting out Sporting Moustaches next April. Every day I continue to work on the book after that, about halfway done now. I also have a new musical project with Sean Drinkwater from Freezepop. We’re called FoxxMachine and it sounds very New Order/Depeche Mode. I also reformed my old punk band from 1995, Inbetween, to record a 7” that will feature a song that never made it to tape back then, and the definitive version of our set closer ‘Vampyro’.
Bonus question- Any idea if Nick Cave has read your book?
AS: I sent it to him (via his management) but I never heard anything back
www.augstone.com
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gaybitchfx · 3 years ago
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Omg omg omg I’m in love with your blog???
feel free to ignore this request if it does not interest you or if ya feel uncomfy!
Mitsuya, Mikey and/or Ran ( if you write for him!! If not just the other two are fine!) with a male reader who is like the definition of pretty boy 😚 and some random stranger starts flirting with reader and the boys get jelly and how they would handle the situation 👀 (I have a feeling Mitsuya and Mikey are the really jealous types 👀👀)
A/n: I totally forgot to post this it just sat in my drafts for who knows how long 😭
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Character(s): Takashi Mitsuya, Manjiro Sano (Mikey), Ran Haitani
Type of reader: M!Reader
Category: Fluff🥰✨
Warning(s): I can’t flirt-
Edited: ❌
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Mitsuya was attracted to you like a magnet
First seeing you was like a love arrow struck at his heart, you were honestly very beautiful
Your smile, your laugh, everything about you was pretty and perfect
After months of trying to figure out how he’d confess to you he finally got the courage to ask you out
And yes he did this in front of all your friends
They were expecting you to say no but when you said yes, everyone even Mitsuya was shocked with your answer
So now on your date with Mitsuya he was a nervous mess
He kept wondering if he smelt bad or he didn’t look appealing at all but when you told him he looked handsome his heart did multiple back flips
Close to the end of the date some guy came up to you and started hitting on you and you clearly didn’t look interested in him
Mitsuya looked jealous so you decided to play along with the guys flirting so you started flirting back
That just made him more jealous so he stepped in and told the guy to back off which he didn’t and pushed him aside
Mitsuya had punched him in the side of his face making him black out and you were shocked
You thanked him and before leaving gave him a small kiss and said you liked the date
Once you were far enough Mitsuya did a little happy jump before walking himself home
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Mikey here cherishes your beauty as if it was sent from the gods themselves
He’d always give you compliments no matter how many times a day he has to tell you you’re beautiful
Now today was your date night, Mikey would take you to random places he thinks you’ll like
At the end of the date as Mikey was walking you home someone approached the both of you and moved Mikey out the way so he could talk to you
You clearly looked uncomfortable so Mikey had to do something so instead of talking this out he kicked the poor guy in the head
This did knock him out instantly and you stood there shocked 🧍🏾
But also impressed
So as you two were at the front door of your house you told him you had a wonderful day and gave him a kiss on the cheeks before saying bye and going inside
Mikey stood there dumbfounded before a love sick look filled his expression
He walked back home feeling like he was on cloud 9
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Ran has tried multiple times to ask you out and you would of course decline each time he’d ask
So this last time he was going to give it his all
He stopped you at the front door of the school and without hesitation he went down on his knees in a begging manor
Did I mention in front of a bunch of people?
You quickly got flustered and told him if he got up than you’ll go in a date with him
He quickly stood back up and told you he’d pick you up at 5 with a big smile before running off to his brother boasting how he has a date with the pretty boy in his school
So at around 5 he did as he said and picked you up
At the beginning of the date everything was moving smoothly and you were having a blast since he took you to an amusement park
At the end of the date you were pretty happy since now you have a bear the size of a human and some candy
Ran had told you he’d be right back since he had to go get something and so you waited for him that was until some guy approached you and instantly started hitting on you
You were very uncomfortable by this and just at the right timing Ran came back and just looked really upset
So he went behind the person and tapped his shoulder
The guy turned around before receiving a punch to the nose and a kick to the groin
Ran let out a small huff before taking your hand and leaving
While walking you thanked him and he looked at you with a smile
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effielumiere · 2 years ago
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All I Want - Kim Namjoon x Reader
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Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Reader, OC x Reader
Genre: Romance? Idol AU, Drama, Angst?, Best Friends to (???)
Warning(s): Cursing/Language. Angsty angst? Get your tissues... i think... or not. Two shoes being thrown at Joonie .UNEDITED!
Word count: 12k (I'm so sorry, I got too carried awaaayyy~)
Summary: Kim Namjoon has been in love with his high school best friend ever since he first laid eyes on her. Nearly fifteen years later, he's known all around the globe as BTS's leader RM, but none of that matters to him personally, because all he ever wanted aside to live his dreams was to be with Y/n. However, it seems it's too late. She's about to get married in the following day and he's too afraid to watch her be forever in the arms of someone else that isn't him and for the first time since he's debuted, he wants to try and confess again, even though he knows that this time it's going to be different. He knows you're not going to stay. No amount of pleading and begging will make him yours. So, this time he's going to do that right thing and confess, not to make Y/n changer her mind, but to say goodbye. It's right thing to do anyway... Nothing could possibly go wrong .... right?
Author's Note: I *legit* forgot that this song existed until i read This Chapter of House of the Omegaverse by @sopejinsunflower and remembered it. Without giving much away, the scene goes with Namjoon and the reader looking at each other while the reader was singing it, and I remember how I felt like someone abruptly pulled my heartstrings leaving in a tiny angst mood. And that was moooonths ago btw lol. That story was an inspiration for this and this baby has been sitting on my drafts since House of the Omegaverse ended (please go check out @sopejinsunflower 's work 🥺) I'm a bit behind schedule but I'm pretty sure it's still September 30 in California ... Hopefully lmao. This was originally for Namjoon's birthday, but I got busy so here I am lol. Please leave your feed back in the comments or send me an ask teehee don't be shy😄 And btw, this is completely unedited most parts were written while I was half asleep and tired on the shuttle headed home lol. ENJOOOOYYY!
Armand (OC [Korean Englishmen/JOLLY]) is none other than this young man right here.
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Namjoon closed his eyes as the cool wind blew past his face, relished the last night he was going to spend with his long time best friend who was getting married when the morning comes. 6 hours. That's all he needed and that was all the time he got. The sun was already starting to set when he opened his eyes to gaze at the sight before him.
Her. She was wearing a pastel blue dress with small white polkadots, light make-up on her face that accentuated her eyes and enhanced her best features. Her eyes he thought Her eyes are the most beautiful set of eyes he's ever seen. She was looking around the floor watching happily as waiters walked past our table with food on the trays they were balancing elegantly with one hand.
"Oh, Joon," she smiles as she brings the wine glass to her lips to take a sip "I'm so excited for tomorrow, everything went as planned and tomorrow, I'm finally going to be a married woman and have my dream wedding"
"I'm happy for you," he gave her a smile "Truly?" she asks. Namjoon cocks his head to the side, a habit he's that shows his disappointment and sometimes, his disapproval of a certain situation.
"What is it?" she asks, her smile slowly fading, concerned for her best friend "Is everything alright?" Instead of answering, he picks up his glass of whiskey and downs it in one go, slightly wincing at the burn as he contemplates on whether or not he should spill his emotions and tell her how he truly feels, or hold back, let her be happy and never see her again as long as he lives.
"Namjoon" she calls him, making him slowly look up at her "I'm excited about tomorrow, but I'm also nervous"
"Don't be," he tells her in a low voice as he controls himself from talking more than he should.
"Joonie, remember when we went to the beach?" Y/n asks "You know, the place where we met up because I needed your help with my math homework" he simply nods at her not trusting his voice. He's drank enough whiskey for tonight to last a lifetime, he thinks. He motions for the bill at their waiter who was patient waiting for them to leave as they were the last customer of the restaurant for the night.
Namjoon planned everything for this particular evening, he planned of making sure that she had a relaxed night where she wasn't going to worry about anything, including the wedding but what he didn't plan was to entertain the nagging thought he had to tell her how he's really felt for the past 15 years of his life, but at the same time he was scared. Scared to lose her, he decided to shut his mouth and let her, watch her meet someone else, fall for someone else... love someone else.
The night of the engagement, Namjoon watched as videos and pictures of Y/n and her now soon to be husband to be all smiles and happiness on the timeline of his social media accounts, the comments filled with happy wishes and he felt... numb... and angry. No. Not angry. Furious. Furious at himself for being a coward and not trying hard enough, and not expressing what he really felt about her all these years.
~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^
He waited, until 5 years ago when he thought he'd visit her college campus to pick her up and take her out on a date, hoping she wouldn't say no. But he was too late, so there she was, walking out of the college building, laughing and smiling as she ran into the arms of a man he didn't know, and surprised him the most, they two kissed. And it definitely didn't look friendly. Namjoon unknowingly clenched his jaw and fists at the sight, crushing the poor stems of the bouquet of peonies and sunflowers that he brought for Y/n especially for this occasion.
"Are you okay, Mon-ah?" Jin asks from the driver's seat, looking at the rare view mirror.
"I don't think so, hyung," Yoongi answers for him from the passengers side, nodding his head at the direction Y/n was still smiling and laughing, then they're holding hands as they walked away from the building.
Jin didn't need words to start driving back to their dorm, and when they arrived the maknaes were outside waiting for them with an expectant gaze in their eyes. Parking the car, Namjoon quickly got out, slamming the car door with a bit too much force. Roughly throwing the bouquet on the nearby bin, he walks like a man on a mission to the end of the street.
"Let's go after him," Hobi says and they all nod as the maknaes look at their hyungs in confusion.
"What happened?" Taehyung asks
"Did she turn hyung down?" Jimin questions
"Is Rap Mon-hyung okay?" Jungkook asks in a small voice, his lips curling inward as he bites them nervously.
Jin sighs as he leads the younger boys to walk in the direction where Namjoon was headed. Wrapping an arm around Jungkook's shoulder he looks at them and simply says" Don't say anything alright? It didn't end the way we thought it would," he says in a quiet voice" And I think it would be best not to ask him anything related to Y/n for now. "
"What happened then?" Jimin asks him, still walking. Hobi and Yoongi were already ahead, trying to catch up with Namjoon's fast paced, angry stomps on the pavement. As Jin told the stories to the maknaes and watched the sadness and pity in their eyes grow, Namjoon was already at the park and was being to climb the big tree.
"Uhh... Namjoon-ah, please be careful," Hobi says nervously as he looks at Yoongi who also had no idea how to stop the brokenhearted boy from climbing the tree.
"Namjoon-ah, careful!" Yoongi yells "Please! I have no fucking idea how I'm going to explain to your parents why you're doing what you're doing right now if you get hurt climbing a damn tree because of a broken heart!"
"Oh shit," Jin yells as he heards the last bit of Yoongi's sentence "Namjoon-ah, get back down here!" he yells his neck and ear turning red from the fear and the anger he was feeling for the most clumsy person he's ever known his entire life climbing said tree.
"What is hyung doing?" Jungkook asks
"Don't you dare ever follow his footsteps kid, you could, but don't do reckless shit he does," Yoongi warns the youngest.
"I'm calling Bang PD-nim and Sejin-nim" Jin announces as he pulls out his phone to call their producer, but his actions were stopped when the loudest sound he's heard in his life made him drop his phone on the sand, startled.
"YAAAAAAHH!!! FUCKING BASTARD!!!" Namjoon yelled from the highest point of the tree that he was able to cry. He was breathing heavily, on the verge of crying "YOU JUST HAD TO TAKE YOUR FUCKING SWEET TIME, HUH?!" He yelled at the open air at himself "THERE YOU GOD DAMN GO, YOU IDIOT! YOU FUCKING LOST YOUR CHANCE TO DATE THE GIRL YOU WANTED FOR SO DAMN LONG"
Without giving it much thought, Jungkook started climbing the other side of the tree making sure his brothers didn't see him. Namjoon stared at the maknae once he was leaning on the branch in front of him.
"What are you doing here, Jungkook-ah?" Namjoon asks him softly after he was done yelling about, looking away from him wiping a tear discreetly but Jungkook saw it "I felt bad for you, hyung, so I followed you up here instead even though Yoongi hyung told me not to." he shrugged.
Bang PD-nim and Sejin-nim arrived "Mon-ah, get down from there," Sejin-nim said "You're gonna get hurt!"
"What's the maknae doing there with him?" Bang PD-nim ask Hobi and Yoongi who suddenly look around them only to find the maknae missing.
"You little brat!" Yoongi yelled "I told you not to climb the tree,"
"Don't worry, hyung," Jungkook called back, "I'd do the same for all of you," then turned towards Namjoon "What happened with Y/n, hyung? I thought you'd be happier when you returned."
Namjoon took another deep breath "She uh..." he cleared his throat before continuing, he felt like he was running out of air to breathe because of what he had witnessed earlier "She was with another guy, they're probably dating. She never told me that she was seeing someone else."
Jungkook bit on his lip as he listened to his hyung explain what happened when he was about to leave the car, go up to her and ask her out on a date but was rudely interrupted by a man who seemed to have already taken his place. After a few more minutes talking to Jungkook, thanks to his distraction, Bang PD-nim and Sejin-nim were up to date on what was going on and decided to make him face the music so to speak. Y/n arrived at the park, she was on a date with Armand, the exchange student who she's been seeing for months in secret, when she got a call from the boys' manager and cut the date short when they said that Namjoon was on a tree. It was enough to send her in a panicked frenzy to leave the date abruptly to somewhat save her best friend.
"Namjoon-ah," she called from where the other men were standing. Namjoon's dragon shaped eyes widened and his lips slightly pursed as his gaze shifted from Jungkook slowly to looking below him where Y/n stood, a panic-stricken look on her face and sadness in her eyes.
"Namjoon-ah, please get down here before you hurt yourself," she half begged half demanded
"Don't worry about me, I'm okay," Namjoon tries to reassure her
"Joonie-ya," she calls out to him, so far she's the only one who calls him that and he's allowed it because he has feels for her "I don't know what exactly happened, but you didn't have to climb a tree because you're mad that the girl you like didn't go out with you," behind her, Namjoon saw Yoongi was mouthing that she doesn't know it's her and Jin was giving him a thumbs up that all was well.
"Just get down here and let's talk about it if you wanna," she offers "if not, well... just write a song about it and rip it off like a band aid. You'll move on, Joonie, you'll love someone else, and I promise they'll love you back"
"That's not what I want, Y/n-ssi" he tells her "I don't want anyone else, all I want in this world is y-"
"Ya, Namjoon-ah" Hobi yells out to him, enough to cut his sentence before he said something he wasn't ready to say yet and Hobi's voice was loud enough for Y/n not to hear the end of what Namjoon said "Get down here before we call the firefighters to get you back down here!"
"Joonie-ya," Y/n called out to him one last time "We don't always get what we want, some of us just happen to be lucky. I just left my date alone because they said you're up, stuck on a tree like a stubborn cat."
"Y-you did that? W-why?" Namjoon stuttered "Because you're important to me Namjoon-ah!" she yells back at him, "And right now, I'm pissed because I didn't get to eat! Now get down here so we could go back to your dorm so I can cook Jjajjangmyeon for all of us, or you could just stay there are starve. You look like a dumb dragon perched on a small tree, you punk. I can't believe I'm yelling at an Idol who's stuck on a damn tree like a cat," she stomps her foot on the ground. The men around them watching the interaction found it funny that Hobi was taking a video for future purposes, mainly friendly blackmail. What made Hobi laugh was the way Y/n walked out of the park and headed for the grocery, maknae's (minus Jungkook) following her. When they were out of earshot Bang PD-nim chuckled at the sight before turning to Jin "Guess you only needed her help, get the receipt from the grocery and let me know her bank account to give her a refund. Get your groceries too," he says pulling out a couple of bills and handing it to him "Just in case." then he turned to the man on the tree "Namjoon-ah, get down there and take your girl's advice," he calls out to him grinning and he walks back to his car with Sejin-nim. That evening, Y/n cooked dinner with the help of Jin, Yoongi and Hobi. Despite the cramped space, they were able to walk back and forth in circles and prepare dinner. Namjoon was sitting in front of Y/n, he watched her with sad eyes as he ate. He didn't know whether he was supposed to break everything in his path or just cry, and it wasn't until she left the dorm that Namjoon went back to the nearest convenience store with notebook and ballpen on hand. After two cups on coffee, he wrote about how he felt into two songs, one of them later down the line gave them their first award and a gave them a lot of recognition, the other one... was something that he wanted tell her. But told himself that when they record the song he wanted it to sound almost like haunting accusation.
"I need you and run." he says to himself, cocking his head to the side sighing, he mutters "Please get the message," only to be disappointed that she didn't know it was about her.
~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^
"Hey, earth to Namjoon," you called out to him smiling "you still there?"
"Yeah, sorry," Namjoon shook the memory from his head a d chuckled "Sorry, I had a mini flashback that's all,"
"Ooh," she leans forward, elbows on the desk and a hand on her cheek "What's it about?"
"Remember when I went up a tree? After this girl didn't go out with me."
She thought about it for a second before she laughs "Is that the one where I cooked Jjajjangmyeon for us and you looked like you were gonna cry on your food?"
"Wait," his eyes widened slightly "You saw that?"
"It's hard not to see it, Joonie," she smiles sympathetically "Your aura screamed that you were heartbroken that's why I cooked, because if I remember it right, it's your comfort food in some sort of way"
Namjoon nods, he felt the exact same thing when your engagement was announced, and he went up the same tree again. To his surprise, the other members followed him and the maknae did exactly what he did that day, he went up the tree. But he didn't scream out his frustrations and their stay didn't last long because this time he came down without your help, and this time he cried in front of his brothers. Telling them that he's lost his chance with you.
"I still am," he admits "Not being loved in return by someone who you've loved for all those years is heart breaking." She nodded. Namjoon asks for the bill and as they get into Namjoon's car, he asks the driver to drop off Y/n first.
They were in front of the villa she was renting with her family and friends, including him and the other members, when Namjoon decided to end his pain. Ripping off a band aid, like she said.
"There's something I have to say, but there are two promises I need to know you'll keep as I tell you this story. The first promise is that you let me say everything on one go and ask me questions later,"
"Alright..." she trailed off hesitant "Go ahead?"
Taking a deep breath, Namjoon had a moment where he thought about letting it go and never letting her know, but there was also that selfish part of him that was begging to be let out. And he liked listening to that part of him.
"I was gonna ask this girl out years ago," he stared at her "I was ready to go out with her after knowing her for years. I've been... In love with her for the past fifteen years; that's from the moment I met her until today." he stopped gaging her reaction and so far so good, she was intently listening, so he continued.
"I met her in English classes." he bites his lip, knowing she's going to finally know how he's felt after all these years, and he didn't know what else to do other than let his mouth run, so he looked away from her. Watching the light of the room that she's staying in, the room that was joined with his, only to be divided by a large bathroom.
"She was wearing her uniform, with a lavander and gray hoodie on top, which made it easier for me to find her. You see I had a crush on her, she's really smart and well spoken, gentle and kind, full of light and laughter, and most of all she had kindness I could never compare to anybody else. When I finally walked up to her, I pretended not to know what our homework was to have an excuse to have her look at me past the glasses and the awful haircut, and you did, " he smiles at the memory before quickly glancing at her. She was slightly wide eyed with his last statement making him look at his hands, suddenly they were very interested to look at.
"I never asked you back then because... do you even remember how I looked like?! I had a bowl cut, it wasn't really hot or cool. So, I told myself, once we get into college I'll ask you out. But it took a while before college was something that I really had to do. I had to work first, we debuted and had to work even harder, I did everything I could to keep you. But that day, I had a bouquet of your favorites, peonies and sunflowers. I was in Jin-hyung's car with him, Yoongi and Hoseok, we showed up at the university. We came home from tour that day and I was really excited to see you, but instead I met you in a different circumstance. You kissed Armand right before I could even get out of the car, and I felt my heart shatter. Jin-hyung drove back to the dorm and we all walked to the park where you saw all of us. I ate dinner with a broken heart because I took too long to ask you out. I wrote songs about you. I need you and run were written that evening. Serendipity, Trivia: Love, Home, The truth untold, they're all about you and for you.
"I've been in love with you for these past fifteen years and I'm such a coward that I never told you in person and now you're going to get married to somebody else" he bit his lip as tears pooled in his eyes "It's so cliché for someone to fall in love with their best friend but what can I do, I'm just a human being who happens to be in love with you and now I'm losing you,
"I lost you to him," he looks out the window, he refuses to look at her not knowing that she too was crying at the secret that he's kept for so long. She's never seen him harshly wipe his tears away in frustration before except for time when the group was deciding on breaking up which never happened.
"I don't expect you to feel the same way or to back out of the wedding, but I wanted to let you know."
"Why now?" she asks in a small voice, Namjoon barely heard her if it wasn't for the silence ringing out in the car "Because the feeling has been eating me up. It's selfish of me do this because you're getting married in less than 12 hours, I know that. But you know me better than I know myself, baby." he whispers the endearment, not knowing she heard him.
Y/n turned to open the door, before she could get a foot out the door Namjoon speaks behind her "I might not stay for the entire ceremony tomorrow, I can't stand there in the aisle behind your husband to be and watch the two of you seal your marriage and your vows with a kiss, wishing it was me instead. I just can't,
"And I'm staying out of your lives, you'll never hear from me again in person. Consider it a wedding present." he states as Y/n finally gets out of the car, but not without closing the door with a bit more force than the usual. Namjoon flinched as his heart breaks, watching his security guard hold out an umbrella for her as it started raining heavily, quietly he lets his tears fall.
"Sir?" his driver asks hesitantly. Namjoon's driver has been around for 7 years now, so he has seen how madly in love Namjoon was with Y/n. Everyone saw it but never said a word to Y/n about it, the would even talk about how lucky she was to have caught the attention of Namjoon even before debut day. Some of them evwn assumed at one point that they were dating because of how Namjoon would look at her lovingly whenever she wasn't looking, "She'll come around, sir" he tries to lift the mood by giving Namjoon positive thoughts, but the only thing that would make Namjoon happy was to have her, but this was his reality and he knew that.
"Not everyone gets a happy ending," he says sad
"But destiny gives it to those who deserve it," his driver tells him
"I..." Namjoon started "I don't think I believe in destiny anymore... she... seems cruel to those she abandons..." his driver simply nodded as they drove back to the hotel.
Falling onto the bed, Namjoon stared at the ceiling letting everything he had just done marinade into his reality. Pick up his phone he quickly sends a text to his group chat with the other members before turning off his phone as notifications started coming in.
Namjoon: She knows everything. I asked the driver to leave the drive in her room earlier.
Back the house where Y/n in preparation for her wedding, everyone was fast asleep except for her mother who was waiting for her in yer room a paper bag on the table next to her.
"Oh good, you're back," she says smiling "Let's get ready for bed, you need enough rest for tomorrow,"
Nodding at her mom then at the paper bag beside her she asks, "What's that?"
"Oh, right," she lightly exclaimed "Namjoon's driver left it for you, he says it's a wedding gift." Y/n slowly opens the bag that her mom hands out before sitting beside her at the end of the bed.
Pulling out a heavy item that was as the side of a DVD but thicker.
"What is it?" her mom asks alout of curiosity, but she knew well what it was and what it possibly consisted.
With tears pooling in her eyes, she looks at her mother finally letting everything she learned tonight sink in.
"Do you think I'm making the right decision? Marrying Armand?" I ask her
"While you're very much in love with Namjoon?" she asks sighing "No. But if you're asking me for the sake of the feeling of because you just want to be married, then it's also a no.
"I love Armand, he's a great kid. Treats you right and all, but I don't think he's really ready to settle down. I have a feeling that you're just going to be an unhappy trophy wife when you get older. I even see you two probably getting divorced because I think you're only together for the sake of convenience, but I don't see you too completely in love with each other."
Y/n pulls her in for a hug, rubbing her back as she sobbed in her mother's arms, "You're the only one who knows the right answer, no one is forcing you to choose someone. It's your decision to follow your heart by following what you know in your head is right." Slowly her mom leaves her alone to rest once she's calmed down.
Picking up the hard drive she noticed two invisible sticky note on it, sitting on the chair in front of her laptop which was on a coffee table she reads the note that says,
Condition two: Before you plug this in to your laptop, promise me that you will forgive me for everything. For not telling you that I love you sooner.
I wish I did, it's something I'll regret until my dying breath. So please, humor this clumsy, old soul. Forgive me.
x. NJ.
Carefully taking them off of the surface of the drive and placing them on the empty pads of the laptop, she plugs it in only to be greeted by a password screen.
Your color of your favorite ice-cream that I'll never eat / Nature.
Letting out a chuckle and a quiet sob, she quickly types in 'green' then she had access. She was greeted with three folders each named 'Part 1- Start here', 'Part 2 - Dream of me.' and 'Part 3 - Farewell'. Deciding to respect his wishes, she opens the first folder, inside was one video entitled 'Open me' that she ended up playing. As the player loaded up, she was greeted by Namjoon's tired appearance. Chin on the palm of his hand that rested on the arm rest of his chair.
I guess this is gonna be the first video? he mutters to himself as she sighs heavily, sitting up to look straight into the camera
Okay... Hi? I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing. I just finished a whole bottle of whiskey with Yoongi hyung. He didn't exactly stop me so... I kept drinking. Today is... he pauses to look at the screen of his phone
December 28th. Y/n's breath was caught on her throat, it was the night of she announced her engagement to Armand.
Actually it's the 29th, it's past midnight. You probably know what today is - or yesterday, but I'll remind you because I'm good ol' pal of yours. he took a deep breath as he rubbed his temples You got engaged a couple of hours ago he sings sadly to himself Hence, whiskeeeyyyy. My best friend.. aside from the members... and you.
Namjoon pours the amber liquid on to a glass that had one ice, swirled it around a couple of times before drinking it in one go as if it was a shot of Soju.
I'm doing this... thing, he motions a hand to the camera as a farewell. Because you're going to belong to someone else, and that someone ain't me, baby, he takes another swig before continuing I'm gonna send you a copy of all of these, he grabs the camera from where it was placed and pointed it to the screen of his computer monitor that was showing organized folders dated by year.
I'm gonna turn this into a huge ass movie and give you a copy. Just to show you how much... I love you, he mutters the last part to himsepf probably knowing by now that the microphone picked it up. Namjoon puts the camera back to where it originally was then he looks directly at it, I'll always love you. But I wanna show you how I fell in love with you and why. I can do it in two ways: write you a song or pile all these up into a movie... or both.
He lazily grins at the camera before saying I've already done the first part, so now imma do this. Originally, I planned making this for you so that one day when I confessed my love for you and I proposed, I would play this as a proposal video or when ended up getting married, this was gonna be my wedding present. But since, neither of those are gonna happen this is gonna be my wedding and parting present for you.
He eventually stops talking and after a minute or two of spacing out he suddenly says Keep your end of the promise. Please. The second one is important. At least send me a text or tell someone to relay it to me if you don't want to talk to me directly. Just let me know you forgive me for my cowardice and for me never seeing you again.
The video ends and Y/n moves on to the enxt folder where she found a scanned file that she opens and finds a handwritten letter from Namjoon.
"You used to say you like romantic stuff like keeping pictures, handwritten notes, late night dates, random short dates, text messages about your day and sweet boba tea with snacks whenever you were sad. I gave you all that, I hope he does that and if he does hope he'll continue to do that for you even when you're old and gray, you deserve that. You deserve it."
Closing the image file, she moves on to the video and when her video player launched and the video was playing she was greeted by pictures of her with Namjoon from when they met from the first time when she transferred to Seoul. Pictures kept moving back and forth from the screen, even a few video clips played, including ones she's never seen before. The first one that surprised her was a video clip from her college orientation, the boys were already quite known around the country and they were already making a name for themselves abroad, and Namjoon surprised her by traveling back home to South Korea even just for a day to see her, months before he had to be convinced to get down from a tree. In the video, the college seniors made the freshmen perform and she was singing Dream a little dream of me, a song Namjoon knew but a talent he never knew she had. He was with Hobi when they sneaked in the auditorium and while she was performing Hobi took a video of the whole performance backstage with her on one side and Namjoon's side profile on the other. He was staring, jaw dropped at the sight before him. He was in love with her, that was the moment he fell and Hobi pointed it out as everyone applauded when Y/n performance ended.
"Holy shit, Hoba," he gapes
"Is that your girl, Namjoon-ah?" Hobi asked only to catch Namjoon's reaction on camera as he slowly nods and mutters "yeah... that's my girl right there... " Y/n heart dropped when she heard his words. The had to go back a few times when he said it, she wanted to believe it... so bad. Every picture was now a pulling at her heart strings and it was past midnight when she got to the last folder containing a video entitled 'Farewell.', and not having any other choice, she played it. Recognizing the background of the the hotel in Las Vegas when they had their concert for Permission to dance, she knew the video was fairly recent.
Hey, me again. Probably for the last time by the time you watch this. I'm not sure if I wanna watch you exchange vows with him tomorrow. I don't have the heart or the guts to face that, call me a coward all you want. Call me all the names you want to. I'm pretty sure I deserve it. he sighs, leaning back on his chair and stretching his largs arms out. I'm tired, but you came today to surprise us. He doesn't know you're here, and I love you for that, breaking all your rules for me, and it's taking everything in me to stop myself from knocking at your door that's across mine; to kiss you senseless and make you forget he ever existed but I have to stop myself he chuckles, shaking his head slightly so for tonight, before you join me in my museum hopping adventure across the country, I'll stay up wishing, hoping, praying even, that you will come knocking at my door asking if you could sleep over because your room feels weird. You used to do that when you joined us on tour for Love Yourself, you spent your entire summer vacation with us and I loved every minute of your presence. Even as you slept next to me in my hoodie.
He stops talking for a good second as he reminisces and he before he continued, he looked directly at the camera as if looking directly at Y/n and says I want to see you grow old beside me like that. But if I ever get the guts to see you one last time, may it be on the day of your wedding or the night before as long as you know how I feel about you. Whether you accept it or not, return it or, most likely, not. I'll live the rest of my days knowing that I never find anyone else who will make me feel the way you did, and I'll never look at another woman the way I look at you. If I were to be selfish, I want you. You. You are all I'll ever want to live in this world, fuck air... fuck water... fuck food, man. You. Are. All. I. Want. And. Need. You're my everything, from the day I laid eyes on you I knew you were the one, all it took was for you to sing Dream a little dream for me to realize I was in love with you. But I was too late. And here we are. Me, watching you be another man's wife. You, watching me do all of this, just to ask for your forgiveness and to never get mad me for being a coward and not telling you all this sooner. I love you, Y/n. I don't understand why you can't see that... Namjoon' places his head in his hands as he starts crying, Y/n started crying wondering herself if she was making the right decision marrying Armand just to be an unhappy trophy wife in the future. I love you so much, I don't want you to marry him but I love you too much to disrespect your wishes and stop you from marrying him. That should be me, jagiya... you know that I don't exactly like him but I know you know what's best for you. So I'll let you go. Your happiness is all I want to see.
Harshly wiping his tears away, he says his goodbye I'll always be here when you need me, you know where to find me. And I'll still welcome you with open arms, as if all of this never happened. I'll wait. I'll always wait for you to come back home. But for now... farewell, baby. Namjoon blows a kiss at the camera before turning it off.
Y/n did go to his room that night complaining that the bed was uncomfortable whuch was true and that it was too cold, that was a white lie to steal a hoodie and he let her willingly. When she asked why his eyes were glassy, he waived it off saying he was really sleepy and tired, and she bought it. Y/n cried harder, muffling her loud sobs with the throw pillow that she was hugging while she was watching their videos.
She didn't cry because she because she knew deep down tonight was the last time she saw Namjoon, but she cried because for the first time since she met Armand, she knew she didn't fully love him.
~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^
Bright light greeted Y/n when her mother and the bridesmaids pulled the curtains open letting the sunlight pour in, she spent the whole night crying as she rewatched all of the videos until she fell asleep at past 4am.And it wasn't even 5 hours since she was lulled to sleep.
"Good morning sunshine!!!" her maid of honor and best friend yelled, but stopped in their tracks when they saw her puffy face and reddish eyes "What in the world happened to you? You're not sick are you?!" she exclamed. Y/n shook her head saying that she just couldn't sleep, but the other ladies in the room knew otherwise. However, they decided not to comment on it.
Getting up to bathe, she tried her best to depuff her face specifically her eyes which felt very warm. While her make up was done and most of the swelling went down, Y/n eyes started tearing up and her lips started to quiver making the make-up artist stop to look at her mother and best friends for help, and help they did. Every one was rushed out of the room, once the door was shut Y/n couldn't help but cry harder than she did in the early morning. No words of comfort helped until her dad arrived, "I thought you had a wedding to prepare for, what's going on?" he asked concerned, as he closed the door and made his way to his daughter to pull her in a hug one her best friend asks "Is this about Namjoon?"
Y/n's head shot up as she looked up at her, "W-why would you ask that?" Y/n asks
"I saw him drop you off last night, I'm guessing the dinner didn't go because of the way I woke up past midnight and heard you crying in your room," she holds Y/n hand "When are you both going to stop being idiots?" Y/n mom asks
"Hey," he chuckles at his wife, arms still wrapped around his daughter in a hug "we're still idiots even at this age, the correct question is 'when are they going to stop being blind to what they really feel'."
Y/n stood up and walked towards her laptop bringing it to where her parents were sitting. Playing the videos her parents and best friend's reaction didn't change. Y/n kept her eyes on the floor, thanking God that they had enough time to spare before they did the first look of the bride and groom an hour before the wedding. Y/n parents looked at each other with a knowing look before looking at their daughter who was now quietly letting her tears stain the bathrobe and camisole she was wearing.
"Do you forgive him like he asked?" her mom asks to which she nods
"Do you love him back?" her dad asks to which she nods her head repeatedly and cries some more this time her sobs were heard throughout the room as her parents pull her in for a hug.
Back at the hotel, the rest of the boys were trying to convince Namjoon to get dressed but he just sat on the couch refusing to move, and none of them made an effort to make him stand up , not even Jungkook.
"Come on, man," Hobi says "You have to be there, call it a last glimpse or a last look at her. You'll never see her again after today,"
"I already said goodbye, Hoba," Namjoon said in a low whisper like voice "I don't need to do it in person,"
"Hyung," Jimin started "You told her she can ask questions right, then let her ask today, you might even get a chance to know if she forgave you,"
"Think about it, Namjoon-ah," Jin says as he fixes his neck tie "You'll get to keep the image of her walking down the aisle towards you forever embedded in your memory," Taehyung was able to tell off the eldest for being to mean but Jimin stops him before he could. Jin had a plan, and it was definitely worked the way Namjoon stayed silent before he slowly got up to head back into his room and they heard the shower running.
When they made it to the church, everyone was chatting about how beautiful the wedding was and how they couldn't wait to see the bride and groom. Namjoon sighs heavily for what felt like the hundredth time and it was just the afternoon. Namjoon sat down with the rest of Y/n friends and family, he didn't want to be there, but Jin somehow convinced him to. For an unknown reason, he wanted that. He wanted the image of Y/n walking down the aisle looking like a blooming bride in his memory until his dying breath.
Back in the villa where the first look was about to take place, Armand stood facing a tree covered with sheer golden ribbons and fairy lights reminding him of Christmas ribbons put on trees for decoration. Y/n was in the hallway having a word with one of production staff filming the wedding and the photographer, though her parents managed to get her in the wedding dress she didn't look quite happy as she wanted to be.
"It doesn't feel right," she comments when her mom was right in front of her fixing her dress
Her mom hummed "That's because you've been in love with your best friend and didn't even know it until last night," she smiles "You know the right thing to do, your dad and I raised you well to know what's right and to choose what makes you happy. You're a smart woman, you'll figure it out,"
And now, staring at her fiance's back she knew what to do.
~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^
Namjoon was on his third glass of champagne when they announced that the wedding was about to begin. With the glass being snatched away from him by Jimin, who drank it all in one go before returning it to the waiter that walked by.
"That was mine," he slightly glared at Jimin "Well, it's in my stomach now having a party with the hors d'oeuvres," he smiles at him smugly. Namjoon decided to drop the topic trying his best not to get too pissed or he was going to lose his mind and temper.
As soft music starts playing, everyone turns around to watch the entourage except for Namjoon, he stares straight ahead and when the groom finally takes his place their eyes meet. Armand nods at him and Namjoon returns it. When the maid of honor, your best friend was finally done walking the aisle, everine was patiently waiting for Y/n, but the modernized wedding march didn't play making the six members look at each other confused when Jungkook tells them she's at the door of the ceremony area. He even pointed it out, making them turn around discreetly and he was right, ends of your wedding dress was peeking at the foggy glass near the base of the door. It would appear for a second then it would disappear only to appear a few seconds later, Jungkook felt nervous for the groom but a part of him was happy. He knew you were pacing. Biting his lip to stop himself from disrespectfully smirking at the groom, he looks down to close his eyes from anyone seeing his hopefulness, but the other members except for Namjoon knew what he was thinking as the look each other with smiling eyes. Namjoon's farewell and last appearance did more than just evoke emotions that she's buried years ago. It was, at mere moments before her wedding, making her choose what she knew was right.
Behind the closed door, Y/n paced as she thought about what she was going to say. Her dad was relaxed but concerned with her pacing. It was a good ten minutes before she looked at her dad and finally nodded. He didn't know what was going on inside her head but he trusted her and her decisions. He just prayed she had known earlier so they didn't have to worry too much about spending on a wedding like this. Taking her dad's arm, the wedding planner and production team already knew what was about to happen but they weren't too worried.
As the wedding march played, Namjoon and Armand's eyes meet one last time, and Armand mouths something at him that he didn't quite understand, it made Armand chuckle and instead pointed at him mouthing you followed by a thumbs up. Still not understanding he turns around to look at Y/n who was a few feet away from him. The sight of her made him gasp quietly, Jin was right and he was glad he listened. It was worth it to see her in white walking down the aisle and remember it for the rest of his life. She looked beautiful it was painful to look at her, he wanted to tear his eyes away from her gaze, but didn't have the heart to look at the love of his life be a vision in white and ignore it.
Y/n was surprised when she spotted Namjoon standing with the rest of the members and her family. She kept her eyes on him until he turned to look at her and for the first time since she turned away from what she felt for him, she finally realized why she fell in love with him all those years ago. When Y/n finally reached the end the aisle, she and Armand smiled at each other before facing the pastor and before he could even get a eord out Armand beat him to it, "Give us a second please," he whispered which surprised the pastor but none the less respected it, turning to Y/n who was staring in space he gently calls her name making her turn to him slowly. Giving her a kind, small smile and nod he says "Go ahead, I'll take care of everything. You don't need to worry about it. I was the one who dragged you into this in the first place."
Y/n looked up at him with teary eyes, "But..."
"Remember what I said an hour ago?" he asks to which she nods in response "Do it."
Turning around, he faces their guests lightly touching her elbow as a way of letting her know she can go, and when he chuckles and tells her to go without making a second thought she grabs the however many yards of tulle of her wedding dress and runs for the exit.
"And she finally lives her Julia Roberts moment," he shakes his head in disbelief as he laughs while everyone gasps at Y/n's actions.
"Everyone calm down, it's okay," Armand reasures them. The seven boys including Namjoon who felt a chill down his spine looks back and forth between the groom and the door that Y/n just disappeared off to. While the entire guests were speaking amongst each other in loud volumes, Armand makes his way towards Namjoon grinning like a fool, "Go after her," he says making Namjoon stare it him as if he's lost his mind
"What?!" Namjoon says in disbelief that is sounded as if he squeaked "What the fuck are you going on about?"
"Just go. Go find her, you know where. Tell her hiw you really feel," Armand says
"I have no clue what you're talking about, man," he denies
"Stop lying to me and to everyone including yourself, Namjoon," Armand exclaimed with a chuckle "We all know you love her, and she's in love with you,"
"That-... that is not true," Namjoon denies once more "She's supposed to be marrying you,"
"Out of convenience because I needed to get married for my father to pass the business on to me and she knew that from the beginning!" he interrupts Namjoon "We fell in love but I she stayed because she was heartbroken after seeing you with somebody else!" The other six boys who were listening were finding the story entertaining and they listened intently with wide eyes and jaws dropped.
"Y/n has been in love with you even before I met her, she's told me that but when she saw all of you in a club and you were with another girl, she got jealous and told me she doesn't love you anymore. But, brother, I know the look she gives you and the looks you give her when no body else is looking, now go. You know exactly where to find her, "
" Go! " the other members start yelling at him and start pushing him towards the exit
"Hey bro," Y/n best friend yells out "Bring her back here and get married or I'm marrying Jungkook,"
"Hurry back, please," Jungkook whispers at him before pushing him to the exit, all the members behind him. Namjoon's driver was already waiting for him in the car at the valet and as soon as he sits his driver gives him a loud laugh as he drives to the main road yelling "I told you so!" as they sped away, not knowing the other members were all packed up like sardines in a car following them.
~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^
Y/n walked the halls of high school that he and Namjoon attended back when they were teenagers. It was pouring outside and she didn't bring a jacket or change out of her dress when she ran away. The students who saw her asked her if she was okay and why she was crying, explaining that they were tears of joy they waited on the roof of the school's entrance until their parents picked them up. Not being able to enter the school she walked around the building until she reached a nearby gazebo, the exact spot where she and Namjoon first locked eyes and exchanged awkward smiles at each other. The ends of her dress were turning brown with all the rainwater and mud she ran into, she was thankful that even though she was wearing heels they were closed shoes protecting most of her feet from rain.
Sitting on the gazebo bench, she leans down to take off her shoes, massaging her feet as she places both of it on the bench as she sat sideways. She was quite thankful that she was able to grab a taxi that took her halfway to the school with a small amount of money her best friend put in the pockets of her dress. Yes, she had her dress customized to have pockets and she was glad that it came in handy. Gazing out into the football field, she thought about how her body and her mind dragged her there. It was an unconscious thing that she did. Whenever she fought with Namjoon or Armand, or anyone for that matter, they would always find her here sitting on the gazebo. It was what Hobi called a Safe Zone, somewhere no one could get mad or attack her. It was her second safe zone anyway, first being Namjoon, but she stopped running to Namjoon unless she was devastated. He was the only one who was able to comfort her in ways Armand couldn't and he knew that.
That's why when he heard the faint footsteps of Y/n behind her, he had an inkling that the wedding wasn't going to happen from the way he saw her crying as she ran up the stairs and how devastated Namjoon looked as the car drove away. He knew that she finally found out that Namjoon was in love with her and he was okay with that, he accepted it. He even went up to her room hours after she arrived, he was about to knock on the door when he heard a loud sob and her quiet cries. He knew from that moment that the time he feared arrived but he wasn't angry, he was sad not for himself but for the both of them. For a precious friendship possibly broken.
"Armand?" she quietly calls for him making turn around and seeing her in her dress he thought she'd make a beautiful bride but not for him. Shaking her head with tears in her eyes, she starts apologizing to him.To her surprise, Armands steps forward and wraps his arms around her, rubbing her back gently "I know, I know. It's okay," he tries to soothe her "You can cry, it's okay. It's just us." And he let her. For a good few minutes he let her cry, tears staining his suit but he didn't mind.
"What am I supposed to do?" she asked when finally got the chance to breathe
"I'm not really sure what to tell you, Y/n, because as much as I want to marry you 'cause I love you and I can't force you to marry me when we both know that you're really in love with him."
"How come every one knows that?"
"Because we've all seen signs but chose to ignore it or shrug it off, simply because of the fact that we're dating. But every one could see right through the two of you, even I did.
"I'm not mad at you for being in love with him while you were with me, I just wished you realized sooner. It would've been less miserable and less painful for you both." he admitted, taking her hand he kisses her knuckles "I accept if you don't want to go through with the wedding anymore, but please do me a favor and walk down the aisle so they wouldn't think you just bailed on the wedding. You can run away right before everyone sits down. Just look around for a bit, you put a lot of hard work planning what you wanted,
"It just so happens that it's with the wrong guy," he smiles "Go be happy, love." he leans forward to kiss her forehead "You deserve happiness with the man you truly love,"
Namjoon asked to be dropped off at Y/n apartment thinking she would be there but tye receptionist mentioned that she didn't see Y/n enter the building making Namjoon runnto his building that was next door to see if she was waiting by his front door only to be disappointed. Walking back to the car he finally spots the car behind his driver and walks up to it, only to find his brothers squeezed in between the two rows of the Starex.
"What are you guys doing here?" he asks eyebrows pulling together
"Did you really think we were going to let run out to look for her on your own?!" Yoongi shot back at him "How in the world were you going to look for her?"
"You went to the most obvious places she would never go" Jin pointed out "She would never go back to her place or yours, it's not a great idea to wind down in a closed off area,"
"Well where do you think she went if you all think you're damned geniuses?" Namjoon exclaimed out of frustration "She's out in the middle of Seoul all alone in a fucking wedding gown and it's raining!"
"Watch your language, Namjoon-ah," Jin said in a stern voice that he rarely uses on his younger brothers "You don't have to be mad at us when all we're trying to do is help," Namjoon immediately backed down not wanting the eldest to be upset with him.
"I just..." he started "I need to find her, she gets sick easily and I don't want her to get hurt, she's out there all alone-"
"You're not kids anymore, Namjoon-ah," Yoongi tells him "She could handle herself, but I know what you mean about her being alonenand needing to find her asap. So start using that brain of yours to think about where she could go, somewhere only the two of you would know.
"There are so many places we went to over the past fifteen years, how am I supposed to remember all of them?" he says in a panic as a thunder rumbles above them
"Do you think she'd go to hyung's parents?" Jimin asks them
"To Ilsan?" Namjoon asks "It's too far away, and she wouldn't go there knowing my parents aren't..." he stops mid-sentence, looking at the road seeing that there wasn't too much traffic ahead, he was mentally calculating time
"What's wrong, hyung?" Taehyung asks him, looking at where he was looking
"Home," Namjoon finally says in a quiet voice "Home. I know where she is," he says in a firmer voice before running back to his car and tells the driver where to go and his brothers follow right behind him.
~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^
"I swear we're gonna get arrested, Namjoon-ah," Y/n says in a panic holding his hand in a death grip, but he didn't mind. They're both usually paired up together with a senior back in high school because of how clumsy and heavy-handed, but Y/n was naturally clumsier than heavy-handed, that talent was something that Namjoon excelled in. But what they're doing was completely reckless.
"It's not breaking and entering, babe," he teases, Y/n blushed at the endearment hiding her face on his shoulder "The gazebo is outside and the place isn't even gated, it's practically part of the park's property if you follow the invisible line"
"I don't care, out school thinks it theirs I'm not disrespecting their decisions considering the fact that I need to graduate and not get expelled or arrested for trespassing,"
"Let them try," he mutters as they walk nearer to the gazebo
"You're an idiot," she sighs "We both are..."
"Welcome home, baby," he jokes as they step into the gazebo, their surroundings were only lit by the moonlight and a street lamp "The baby's all tucked in bed and fast asleep,"
"Keep joking around like that and you just might have to marry me,"
"Don't dare me," he chuckles "It's gonna be your problem, I'm not Jin hyung or Yoongi hyung. I won't be able to cook for you,"
"Or keep the place clean," you laugh
"Ya!" he exclaimed too loudly making him cover his mouth and Y/n silently laughs "You're lucky you don't live with us,"
"What are you going to do?" she dared "Vacuum the place in the early morning? You must have forgotten that I'm a heavy sleeper,"
"You sleep like Jungkook, nothing can wake you up except for food," he smiles as he comfortably places his arm on the bench behind her. Behind them was a fence that separated the school from the park where there was a couple by the swing set.
"You know we could just get married and not tell anyone," he tries to dare her "The city hall isn't that far all we gotta do is wait for the next available date,"
"You're crazy," she chuckled "Focus on your debut and your dream, not to mention you have to finish school and all. When you're done with all of that, let's talk weddings and marriage, and every thing in between,"
"How about we live together till then?" he proposed "We'll have a little house, maybe two bedrooms one for us, the other for an office and maybe in the future it will turn into a nursery,"
"You're too drunk," she laughs off his offer nit knowing how serious he was "We should have stayed with soju instead of shifting gears to whiskey,"
"I'm serious," he protests eyes wide as he gently places another hand on the table, leaning closer to her "We could get married when I've saved up for a wedding you want once the debut becomes a success,"
"Namjoon-ah," she started "Listen to what you're saying. This isn't a joke, we have our own dreams to make come true. Are you absolutely sure you want to start family before you could even stand on your own two feet? Bangtan's debut is next week and you're thinking about getting married,
"If does become a success, you won't have time for a relationship let alone a family of your own until the dust has settled," she watches Namjoon's reaction as he looks away from her, he knew he should have confessed earlier before Bang PD-nim announced their upcoming debut. But deep down, he knew she was right. However, he was persistent he wanted to be with her before someone else could step in. He had a feeling he was going to lose her once his focus fully shifts to being the leader of Bangtan.
"For now, we can enjoy this friendship," she says smiling as she was rubbing his shoulder, but Namjoon thinks that it was his heart that needed to be in your touch to heal from this rejection "and we could call this little gazebo 'home' if you want. Our 'little home', a place only we know and the only place we can truly be ourselves and be comfortable."
"This gazebo is home if you're here," he partially agrees with her "If you're not here, this is just another gazebo. You're my home, Y/n,"
"Ditto, nerd," she sighs resting her head on the shoulder she was rubbing. Placing a small kiss on his shoulder she whispers "Go win their hearts, Namjoon-ah. I know the seven of you guys are gonna make it big. You have something others don't,"
"Hmm... And what would that be?"
"Passion, patience, determination, one dream and the best part, you have each other." Y/n smiles to herself, "But the biggest flex your team has is that they have you as their leader, it takes a great team to succeed, but a great leader will make a great team succeed be even better,
So, believe me when I say you'll make it big. And I'm gonna be right behind you, watching all of you reach your dreams and live it" she said proudly.
Namjoon let the tears flooding his eyes fall as he kisses the top of her head. He knew that he had to succeed to make her proud, he finally compromised with himself that he should make her proud and come back to her when the right time comes.
"Just don't forget about me, Joonie," she teases "I'll forever be your number one fan,"
"Don't be ridiculous, Y/n-ssi. You're going to be right next to me the whole ride, you gonna be with me all the time. I'll make sure of it."
That early morning, Namjoon walked her back to her dorm before going back home to his dorm. Not completely happy about being rejected by Y/n, but feeling more determined. It was like adding wood to a campfire, add more and the fire becomes bigger, that fire was his determination. Little did he know, she was gonna end up moving om with her life without him as he focused more and more on his job.
"YA! I've been looking everywhere for you," a voice says behind Y/n making her turn around quickly as she snaps out of her thoughts. Namjoon always thought that she never remembered that night because of how drunk she was, but that was the evening that Y/n found out that she had a pretty high tolerance with alcohol that over the years whenever the boys got drunk, Yoongi and Y/n would be the last ones standing. A secret that Yoongi kept, knowing that it would be a useful talent of hers in the future, and, man was he right .
"Do you know how fucking worried I was about you?!" he asks her his tone indicating a hint of anger with the concern laced in his voice "You could get sick with how reckless you are. Can't you see it's pouring and you're in a fucking dress?!" Standing in the rain, Namjoon's chopped blonde hair was wet and so was his dress shirt and coat. Y/n couldn't place the look he had in his face, no doubt he looked worried and mad, but there was something else. Longing, she decided, and hope. Both a very dangerous combination.
"Go home, Namjoon-ah," she says through the the noise of the rain splattering on the roof of the gazebo and the pavement "You don't have to worry about me, I'll just grab a bus home."
"Like hell you are," he scoffed "And I'm not done talking"
Y/n wanted to take her shoes and throw it at him, and she was seconds from doing so. Not like it was the first time she threw a shoe at him.
"What the hell happened?" he asks and she rolled her eyes "Why did you run away from the wedding? People are getting more and more worried about you, you should go back and get dried up. Armand sent me to get you."
"He didn't send you, dad did." Y/n says "Dad was the last person to talk to Armand before I walked down the aisle. So, it's most likely dad.
And don't fucking ask me what happened when you were the one who sent a hard drive filled of videos of you getting trashed," she started fuming "Stop pretending like you didn't say the things you said last night to put me where I am right now, you little piece of shit!" she grabbed her shoe and hurled it at his direction aiming for his head only to surprise her when he ducked to the side and dodged it like a pro making the boys in the car who were watching the entire thing happening with Jungkook and Hobi taking videos, howl at how impressive it was.
"Oooh!," Hobi chuckled "Oh he's gonna be in trouble for dodging that one!" all of them laughed as Jimin asked "We're such bad friends for filming this,"
"Hey, now," Jin said from the passenger seat "At least we came to support him, and we're not just his friends, we're family too,"
"You measly little fucker," Y/N gritted as she threw another one this time the show landed on his muscled bicep "You dare," she threw a bracelet she was wearing "fucking" she struggled with taking the viel from her head before bundling it into a ball and throwing it at him "dodge me. You asshole!" From the car, Hobi snort-laughed as they continued filming "Told you," making Jimin lightly hit his arm as they all chuckled.
"Call me whatever you want, Y/n, if it's going to make you sleep better tonight," Namjoon said to her his tone returning to how he started when he arrived "If it makes you fucking happier do it,"
"Why did you show up?" Y/n demanded as she walked up to him not caring about getting rained on, a part of Namjoon wanted to pull her back in the gazebo but he was frozen at the sight before him, just like how frozen he was in his place when she walked the aisle not less than 2 hours ago, "What made you think you could just show up?! Didn't you say you weren't going to be there? Did you finally muster up the courage to stop being god damned coward? You fucking bastard!" she yelled and cried, she was pushing him away from her over and over again, and Namjoon let her slam her fists on his chest repeatedly, but to his surprise she didn't hit him as hard as he thought she would. Gently grabbing her wrists, he wraps her arms around his torso pulling her close in a hug as he placed a hand behind her head and another one around her back. Y/n stiffened under his touch before she relaxed and quietly sobbed with her face on his coat, soaked in the rain and her tears.
Without any hesitation he places a kiss on the top of her head before gently holding her face with both hands and leaning down just so his lips were near hers, but he didn't move. Instead he waited for her, and when she finally understood why he didn't move and longingly stared at her lips, she did the one thing they've both been waiting for since they fell in love with each other in high school and finally, her lips met his. When Namjoon pulled away, resting his forehead on hers, he whispers to her "I'm never letting you go again. You're not going to get rid me that easily this time around," Y/n giggled as she leans up again for another kiss and Namjoon gladly kissed her back, finally tasting the lips he's been craving for so long.
Back in the car, the boys were giggling and smiling like high schoolers. Jungkook was still filming the entire thing and the audio surely caught all of their side comments and the noises they all made when they finally kissed for the first time.
"Now that," Jin pointed out his window, "Is better than any existing and upcoming dramas on TV,"
"Definitely," Yoongi smiled
"We finally don't have to deal with a grumpy Namjoon hyung," Taehyung sighed happily "Our world is finally at peace"
"You can't say that," Jungkook objected chuckling, "Now they're gonna get married and have kids, hyung. We're ginna have little Namjoons running around the office," Hobi laughed out loud, clapping as he did. Jimin stared at him with wide puppy eyes, "W-wait... But they're both clumsy," he pointed out, then he muttered to himself "that means their kids are gonna be... Aiiishh-"
Opening the window next to Hobi and pushing out most of his upper body out, not caring about the rain he yells out to the couple who we're smiling at each other through their tears that were getting mixed with the rain that was falling on them, "YA! YOU BETTER NOT BE MAKING KIDS SOON, YOU IDIOTS!" this time tue other members laughter reached their ears, the car no longer soundproof because of the opened window. Namjoon looked back at his friend and he tightened his arms around Y/n, "I got bad news for you, Jimin-ah," he smiles "You might see them sooner than you think," this time along with the sound of laughter mainly Hobi's due to his reaction to Jimin's wide eyed look at the couple, joined a few sounds of complaints mainly from Yoongi and Jin who knew immediately that they can't say no if the time comes for them to be babysitters for Y/n's kids, but decided to give complaining a try if it means it will buy them time to mentally prepare for mini-me's of the middle child of Bangtan.
Namjoon ignores the other members and turns back around to the gazebo walking towards it with his hand still holding Y/n as they sit.
"You ruined my wedding," she muttered lamely while they were seated inside the gazebo, arms still around each other.
"We'll have a better one," he promised her "that's if you want one. I mean it, what I said; I'm not letting you go again. It was the biggest mistake I made, I'm not going to make that mistake again."
"A wedding with you? And if I don't want to be with you?" she says almost in a daring manner, her chin resting on his chest as she looks up at his face
"Move in with me or start a family with me, either way, be with me; be mine and I'll be yours" He says, and at that moment Y/n recalls the early morning they got drunk and how he called the gazebo their home "I just want to be with you, that's all I want. Stay with me, please" Y/n watched Namjoon's every move and if back then he was recklessly discussing marriage with her with no clue about what the future holds for them both. Now, he knows exactly what he wants and it's to marry her, spend his life with her.
After a beat, she smiles and pulls him in to press a kiss on his cheek.
"Is that a yes?"
"Only one way to find out, Namjoon-ah" she grinned.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Epilogue anyone?🤣) Thank you for reading, please leave you feedback in the comments or send me an ask and please reblog if you enjoyed it.
Permanent taglist (always open) :
@lovergirl1316 @buttvi @borahae-reads @lemonadecandycandy @misshale21 @damn-u-min-yoongi @tattoomom11 @chimchimmarie @katskeigo
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lavendermilkandhoney · 2 years ago
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How much I love you
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Judy : So that’s why you didn’t pick up for 3 days... Was starting to think you’d forget about our little lunch.  
V : Yeah, sorry for confirming last minute. Turned off my phone alarm.
Judy : And you didn’t feel it buzzing?
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Judy : Did you?
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V : Glad you called Misty to check up on me, otherwise I might not have woken up before midday.
Judy : Well I was a little worried. Last time we talked, things seemed quite chaotic with the fam.
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V : Didn’t expect things to take a good turn in the end… 
Judy : Neither did I. But we pulled through. Now we can finally chill for once.
V : (laugh) Until things turn to shit again.
Judy : (laugh) Doubt something will ever stop you. You’re one of the most resourceful and bull-headed person I know.
V : Then that something would have to be incredibly distracting.
Judy : Heh…
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V : Alright, sorry about that again.
Judy : Nah it’s fine V, I get it. 
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Judy : But next time you shut down the rest of the world, don’t forget leave me a warning.
V : I will. Till next time Jud.
Judy : See ya.
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Continue below
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V’s thoughts : Christ, one hour feels like an entire day. Wish she didn’t have to leave so soon.
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V’s thoughts : Probably would have grown tired of me talking about it non stop anyway. Ugh!! I never been so impatient since… shit can’t even remember.
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V’s thoughts : I’m still gonna pray for him to call in the next hour, I can’t think about anything else.
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V’s thoughts : Well well, guess my prayers sent someone perfect to bother until I can get out of here.  
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V : Actually mind I join you in a bit? There’s something important I need to do right now, won’t take long.
Goro : Go ahead then, I’ll wait by the canal.
V : Great. Be right back.
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Saul’s voicemail : Hello V. Hum, Saul speaking. Heard about something big happening in Night City...
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Saul’s voicemail : Hello V. Hum, Saul speaking...
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Goro : What were you doing up there for so long? I don’t feel like meditating again.
V : You got games on your phone now, should keep you busy
Goro : They make me frustrated
V's thoughts : Why am I not surprised...
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Goro : You didn’t answer my question.
V : I was just... I was doing important stuff, told you.
Goro’s thoughts : Important... I am not blind. That stupid vague look...
V’s thoughts : Saul... Voice... Mmm... Warm... Saul... Everything... 
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V : (drunk) Think you could teach me that one? Don’t have my Strat on me, you living in the neighborhood? Wait, I’ll record and you just tell me the chords, kay? 
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V’s voicemail to Saul : ... anyway (drunker), just wanted to tell you cause... (deep breath) there was this guy playing guitar today and he played a song and I was just so moved cause it reminded me of how much i love you and I want you to hear it cause, cause... it’s just so good! You’ll see... or hear haha! I can’t wait to see you!! Okay byyyeee!!
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Goro : Huh, didn’t know you already declared your love for each other.
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Goro : You forgot something? ... Was it something I said? ... Hey.
V : One sec.
Goro : Why are you acting weird? ... V!
V : I’m trying to concentrate!! 
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Goro : Why are you panicking?
V : Cause he wasn’t supposed to know that! It’s way too early, now he’s gonna think I’m clingy and… fuck!
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Goro : I really don't think that would come to his mind. I’m sure he already knows how much you love him after everything you both went through. Sure he was expecting it to happen. 
V : But it wasn’t supposed to happen like that!!
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V’s texts :
yeah uh might seem like a weird request, but can you not listen to your last voicemail? if you could just delete it that would be even better, cause it’s really hum it doesn’t represent it’s just embarrassing okay? just delete it anyway see you later i guess... bye
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V’s voicemail : ... cause it reminded me of how much I love you and I want you to hear it cause, cause...
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Saul’s thoughts : ... how much I love you.
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hehe 🥰🥰🥰
That one stayed almost a year in my drafts... even made a teaser last year for it oh well... https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/lavendermilkandhoney/667757373025386496?source=share
Happens after this bit here cause, you know... https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/lavendermilkandhoney/667747445067874304?source=share
When something is important to me, I tend to wait for a perfect moment to share cause that's just my thing and sometimes that moment passes and doesn't come back before a while but that's fine. Can't rush anymore. Not the point.
I remember laughing with you guys about this serie. That's the kind of memories I'll always keep in the end. 🫂
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witchcraftingboop · 3 years ago
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Beginning A Book Of Shadows
Assess how your system works.
What do your spells and rituals rely on / process through / manipulate in order to work? Is your practice reliant on spirits, deities, religion, psychology, or manifestation/attraction/universe "stuff" (doesn't apply to me, so I don't know how to word it, hence quotes - imo "energy, intent, + will" falls under this category)?
What do you think a witch should/n't do?
Start by setting clear boundaries and standards for yourself. Don't lie to try to make yourself seem Great & Moral to some invisible audience; no one's going to read this, and even if they did, they're skimming, 100%. Do you believe in karma? Hexing? Love spells? Why do you cast? Are you actually comfortable with your spells being fully effective (a.k.a. if you get what you want, do you have hard feelings about it after, think that you ruined someone else's opportunity/life/relationship etc.)? What is your position on oath taking? On oath breaking? Etc. Go as in-depth as you please. Looking back later in life, it will be interesting to see how where you are currently as it compares to where/how-ever you end up.
What do you currently know?
Do not transcribe correspondence lists (colors, herbs, rocks, 1 crow is . . . 2 crows are . . ., angel numbers, etc.), year-and-a-day or holiday calendars, moon phase charts, your natal chart, or tarot anything that you have absolutely no connection to nor know off the top of your head. You aren't being graded on any of this. And let's be honest, you're just going to Google it later instead of flip back through your book should you need it anyways.
What are some things you'd like to know more about?
List the topics or areas of interest to you, possibly rank them by interest level. Draft on the side ideas on how these areas of interest might look when/if they are incorporated into your practice. Where do you see yourself implementing them or making room and time in your life for them?
Research, Practice, & Reflect.
Here is the meat of your book. Here lies the "secret" of fully utilizing and connecting with the contents of your journal, notebook, binder, collection of scrap paper, etc. It is not in someone else's correspondences or spells or rites being scribbled across the pages like a student who forgot to do last night's homework.
Research, commpare sources, document your lingering questions and theories, attempt finding an answer, fail/succeed, and record the process.
You will grow so much more if you challenge and process information on your own rather than take another's word at face value and copy it to a different screen or template.
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beibeimei · 3 years ago
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Letters on time
#6 Time flies
words count: 510 Words
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those two weeks were the best weeks that YN ever lived, they decided to do everything they wanted to do
like skipping school without their parents knowing or going to the lake for 3 days
they tried to spend the little time they had together as much as possible
forgetting about everything else; school, homeworks, grades and even the dance club which they absolutely love
but one thought didn't leave YN's mind:
the confession
everytime she saw some couples around the city she thought about her confession
what was she supposed to do?ignore everything and acting like nothing or just fuck it and confess right away?
her thoughts were eating her alive.
"just write a love letter" hikaru said helpinh her bestie
"before you leave, but you'll not hear his answer" she added
YN thought about it
does she wants an answer or she just wants to tell him about her feelings?
even if he accepted her, how could they be together? long distance relationship?
she was thinking so much that her head started to hurt but she arrived to a conclusion
she will write a love letter and give it to him before she will take the flight but he will read it only when they'll meet in the future and give her the answer
so she started to write at 9 pm, she wrote about 12 draft but only one was the perfect one.
the 11th one
after packing the letter she looked at the time and went to sleep.
the last day was the last day was about to end, they were laying down watching the stars of that night.
it seems like they were brighter than the usual
"when we'll meet again?" Riki said
"I dont know, I just know for sure that we'll meet again" YN answer
the silence was loud but comfortable, they wanted to be like this forever
a phone rang, it was YN's calling her to go home and go prepare the suitcase that she will bring at the airport the day after.
they all get up and started to walk towards thei houses
at the airport came the nishimura family and ezaki family to say the last goodbye to YN's family
everyone were crying except Riki. he did want to cry but didn't, a voice announced the flight to korea so YN said the last goodbye and started to walk.
a feeling hit Riki, he started to ran towards YN and give her the last hug
"don't do anything stupid while im gone"
"of course I won't, Who will I blame if something happens?" Riki says laughing
Yn gave the letter to Riki
"I almost forgot to give this to you, please read it when we'll meet again in the future" she said bowing and started to walk again towards her gate
Riki looked at the letter that his Bestfriend gave him
he put it in his jacket pocket and then wiped the first tear he shed that day
"YN, I will miss you" the boy said watching the airplane leave
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<prev | Masterlist | next>
Summary: you and riki were best friends, you were inseparable and spent hours together, you obviously had a crush on him but he only had eyes for a girl; Hikaru, your ex-best friend. but one day your parents decided to move to korea for work reasons but before moving you decided to give a letter to riki, a love letter where you explicitly asked to read it shortly before meeting you in the future. What if the future actually arrived and you casually met on 14th of february?
taglist: [if you want to be added send an ask or dm] @agoldsunsword @miminyuu @diestheticu @moonchildaera
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hinasakuino · 3 years ago
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Can you imagine Shikamaru as a boyfriend, Like Shikamaru genuinely dislikes the public and would rather avoid crowds but because reader asked to hang out he makes the effort of planning dates, whole time though reader much rather prefers spending time indoors while she watches her true crime docs he works on homework etc. She was drunk and mentioned going a on a date once and now that’s all Shikamaru does with any spare time.
Pls get out of my drafts , I was working on a hc/ drabble for Shikamaru cause I was like I need to get this out this should’ve been the first thing out, but anywho this was something from the h/c
Shikamaru loves seeing you smile, there’s nothing in the world that compares to the feeling to seeing you with a warm smile and that look in your eyes like he’s the prize.
Probably will start date nights every other weekend because he heard you on the phone one night cooing to your friends when they talked about their dates.
Secretly hates going out of the way to plan these dates just because he has to talk to people but seeing your face in the end is always worth it.
There’s this one time where he’s texting and blowing your phone up because you’re not answering the door, he panics thinking you forgot but when he opens the door to see you in your bonnet and sweat he knows it’s“bonnet hours” which means you have no desire to show your face in public and nothing he does will convince you to go out.
So he joins in, cancelling the dinner reservations and cuddles up to you while y’all watch your favorite show. “You know wearing a suit every Friday was starting to be a drag.”
“Honestly the bills are what you should’ve been concerned about, just handing the black card to the waitresses when they dropped the check off.” You say chuckling when he frowns. “Babe I saw the bill for our last date, we can do date nights but please let’s remember to be financial friendly because $500 every other weekend on mid food isn’t the wave.”
Will probably be confused but relieved that you’re willing to tone it down on date nights (even though it was his idea)
Will I ever post this head cannon? Idk but it’s really funny that you sent this ask in anon :)
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