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danfanciesphil · 6 years ago

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Some Kind Of Folliful (New Chapter)

Edgelord!Dan x ObliviousBisexual!Phil AU [CHAPTER THIRTEEN] (based off the 80′s classic Some Kind of Wonderful)

Synopsis: Dan has one friend, and only because he was forced into it. Phil is loud, excitable, and irritatingly happy all of the time. Phil seems to find Dan’s perpetual attitude funny, and despite Dan’s best efforts to shun him and everyone else, wants to be around him all the time. That is, until Phil starts talking about Amanda Jones. Word Count: WIP (Estimated 12-15 chapters) updates every Tuesday Rating: Explicit Warnings: Smoking, swearing, heavy drinking, drug mentions, implied prostitution, broken home, class divide/classism, pining, light homophobia, sex

[Chapter One] [Chapter Two] [Chapter Three] [Chapter Four] [Chapter Five] [Chapter Six] [Chapter Seven] [Chapter Eight] [Chapter Nine] [Chapter Ten] [Chapter Eleven] [Chapter Twelve]

[Ao3!]

This chapter is NSFW. Explicit. Sex happens.

From: Dan To: Louise 13:23pm Can I have the weekend off?

From: Louise To: Dan 13:24pm This better be a damn joke

From: Dan To: Louise 13:25pm I worked the entire school holiday! Double shifts!

From: Louise To: Dan 13:25pm You also skived off two shifts to go get beat up by some rich kid

From: Dan To: Louise 13:27pm Please.

From: Louise To: Dan 13:30pm ughhhhhhHHHH FINE. I will give you today and Saturday off. Only because you never ask so I assume ur either violently ill or have a serious dick appointment.

From: Dan To: Louise 13:32pm :D thanks. srsly.

From: Louise To: Dan 13:33pm I expect details.

From: Dan To: Louise 13:34pm Don’t suppose I could wrangle Sunday too?

From: Louise To: Dan 13:34pm Don’t push it, Howell.

From: Dan To: Louise 13:40pm xxx

Despite his best efforts to remain cool and aloof, there eventually comes a point where Dan truly can’t resist looking over his shoulder any longer. He half-expects Phil to be looking right back at him. Instead, Phil is hunched over the small wooden desk in front of him, scrawling onto a pad of paper. His tongue pokes out of the corner of his mouth, a tiny pink rose petal, resting on the jut of his lower lip. Just then, Phil looks up, as if he can sense Dan’s break in resolve. His eyes are shining with excitement, which makes no sense, as they are stuck in detention with Mr Richardson for at least another twenty minutes.

Furtively, Phil looks to the front of the room, where Mr Richardson is steadfastly refreshing his LinkedIn page, and then back to Dan. He lifts the pad up to show him, beaming. Centre of the page is a pencil drawing of Dan, slumped over his desk, forehead resting on his hands, in the exact position he’d been in until about a minute ago. Dan rolls his eyes, mouthing ‘creeper’.

Phil puts the pad down, then holds up an index finger to Dan, a signal for him to wait a moment. Dan sighs, pretending that keeping his eyes trained on Phil is some great effort. Truthfully, he’s incredibly grateful for Phil’s presence here. Dan has spent a great deal of time in this very chair, at this very desk, wishing for any kind of distraction or entertainment. Usually he wishes for something banal, like Mr Richardson’s pen exploding, or the stoner kid who sometimes sits in the corner desk to catch his dreads on fire with the lighter he’s always flicking under the desk. But having Phil here is a miracle that Dan had never so much as dared to dream about. He’s a gorgeous beacon of pure light, sat just the other side of the room, all too happy to return Dan’s mildly creepy staring. He holds the pad up to Dan again; this time, there’s a message on it.

Still up for coming over for the weekend? After work obvs.

P.S ur cute

Shaking his head, Dan mouths ‘no work today’. The joy of this news lights Phil’s eyes an even more radiant blue. Dan lets the smile teetering on the edge of his mouth fall across his face. A cough startles Dan out of the moment, and he turns to the front of the classroom in time to watch as Mr Richardson strides down the few desks towards Phil. He lifts the pad close to his nose to read it, then sighs heavily.

“Touching,” he says, drily. “But I think Daniel can wait to hear how ‘cute’ he is until after detention, don’t you?”

Mr Richardson lets the pad fall to Phil’s desk with a loud thwack. It makes Phil jump in his seat, adorably.

“How’d you know it was directed at me, Sir?” Dan finds himself asking. It’s too tempting to resist; that little pulsing vein in Mr Richardson’s neck is pounding away as always, just begging to be engorged. “I think he was angling it your way.”

Mr Richardson whirls around to face him. “Would you like for me to double your sentence, Mr Howell?”

“He’s just kidding, Sir,” Phil jumps in quickly, which is probably good as Dan had been about to suggest he and Mr Richardson skip the courting stage and go straight back to his place. “I won’t write any more notes. Sorry.”

With what seems to be a great deal of effort, Mr Richardson lets go of the tension in his shoulders and nods to Phil, then makes his way back to the front of class. Phil sends Dan a look, which obviously reads ‘stop being a prat’, so Dan smirks down at the homophobic graffiti on his desk, and tries to be a good student for the next eighteen minutes.

On his way out of detention, Dan is so steadfastly trying to keep his head down and not meet Mr Richardson’s eye that he barrels straight into Megan, the girl he sees in here most days. Her jet black hair is pulled into two ponytails either side of her head; it’s too short to be tied up properly, so they stick out like bundles of feathers, secured by bright pink and purple bobbles. If Dan cared enough to ask her about her unusual style choices - the shiny lime green Doc Martens, the string of ropey bracelets and sweatbands up her wrists, the chunky neon beads she wears around her neck when she can get away with it - he imagines she might say she’s ‘Scene’. It doesn’t seem to bother her that the era of the Scene Kid has, thankfully, for most, been abandoned in the late noughties.

“Shit, sorry,” Dan tells her when he crashes straight into her, hot on Phil’s tail.

She glowers at him. Her kohl eyeliner is thick and scary-looking. “Sorry? That’s rich.”

“Uh, what?”

“You and the art ponce?” She jabs a thumb towards the classroom door, where Phil is lurking, watching Megan with a startled expression. “Really?”

Bewildered by her sudden hostility when he’s spoken less than a sentence to Megan in all the time they’ve been stuck in detention together, Dan just stares.

“Is there some kind of a problem?”

“After all this build-up between us, you go and date a random dude?”

“Build up?” Dan’s stare becomes a little panicked. He glances at Phil, who appears to be sniggering into his hand.

“You mean to tell me that you're in detention every time I am by chance?” She sneers derisively. “Pull the other one.”

“Um, Megan, is it?” Dan asks tentatively, taking a hasty but hopefully discreet step backwards.

She claps loudly. “Round of applause for the acting skill. Dan, is it?”

“Right, yeah.” He swallows. “I’m sorry but… I’m gay. Did you think…”

Something falls across her pale face, as if she’s been struck. “Gay,” she repeats, voice at a far more reasonable volume now. Her thick eyeliner just looks panda-ish, suddenly. She tugs her chewed cardigan sleeves down over her hands. “Not bi?”

“Nope,” Dan says. Crap, this is awkward. He’s never had to come out to a random stranger before. Although perhaps Megan would argue that they’re close friends. “Just boys.” He glances at Phil. “One boy, actually, now.”

“Oh,” Megan says. She looks hurt. “I thought… because you’re always in here when I am...”

“I’m in here pretty much every day,” Dan tells her. He gestures to Mr Richardson, who appears to have fallen asleep on his own shoulder. “Thanks to my number one fan over there.”

She closes her eyes, shaking her head. “It’s just… everyone’s bi now, y’know? I heard rumours about you some of the guys around town but… I thought you were just playing the long game with me.”

Dan is finding it very difficult to put himself in Megan’s shoes here - he can’t even remember a conversation he’s had with the girl, let alone a moment that might lead her to think he had some kind of romantic interest in her - but he nods sympathetically anyway, hoping it might lead to a faster escape.

“Sorry if I gave off signals or something,” he says, awkwardly.

She shrugs. “It’s okay.”

“Um, I’m sure you’ll find someone?”

She nods, sadly. “I guess. I mean, you did, right? Nobody saw that coming.”

“Yeah,” Dan says, inching around her towards the door. Phil is looking at him, eyes tinged with amusement. Dan sends him a withering look, then turns back to Megan. “Guess if I can snag someone, anyone can, right?”

“...you’re like one of those horses with the blinders on,” Phil tells him, hands either side of his eyes in demonstration. “You’re so oblivious to all the people lusting after you every day-”

“Oh, come off it,” Dan interrupts, eyes rolling backwards. “Lusting. Please.”

“Dan, you’re off-the-charts gorgeous,” Phil says. He grabs hold of Dan’s hand and tucks it into his coat. It’s because Dan doesn’t have gloves on - doesn’t own any, even. It’s a sweet gesture, but it makes walking beside Phil a little awkward, especially when other people are walking the other way and have to squeeze past them. “You must see how people look at you.”

Dan shrugs, embarrassed. “Creepy guys at Ozone maybe. Girls, though? Like, actual, reasonably attractive girls. Why the fuck would they want a lanky, perpetually bruised idiot with too many holes in his flesh?”

Phil stops them mid-pavement, pulling Dan towards him, until they’re chest to chest.

“Because, in an emo, heroin chic way, you’re extremely sexy,” he says, then kisses him. Dan tries to be annoyed that Phil basically just called him a 2002 Pete Wentz, but Phil’s tongue is distracting. It flicks against Dan’s lower lip, where the cut is still healing. “Miss the lip ring, though,” Phil murmurs. “That completed the look.”

“I can prob’ly re-pierce it,” Dan replies, muffled because Phil won’t stop kissing for even a second. “If it turns you on that much.”

Phil laughs, breaking away. “You don’t need a lip ring to do that.”

“I don’t like detention,” Phil says, then licks a long line up Dan’s throat.

“No?” Dan gasps out, fingers digging into Phil’s shoulders. He can feel one of the framed, childhood photos of Phil digging into his back, threatening to fall once Phil releases him. “I find Mr Richardson’s lectures on respecting teachers truly scintillating.”

“No, I don’t,” Phil says, pushing their mouths together greedily. “Two hours in a classroom, staring at you, nothing to do but think about all the time wasted that I could have spent doing this.”

“An hour and a half,” Dan corrects, so Phil kisses him harder to quiet him, hands planted on Dan’s hips.

In his time, Dan’s had plenty of selfish, greedy assholes backing him into corners, but nobody he’s ever actually wanted this badly. They’d barely gotten in Phil’s front door before Dan found himself pressed up against the wall of the entrance hallway; they’ve not even taken off their shoes. Vaguely, Dan registers a noise in the distance, and reasons it must be a dog in another room. Phil doesn’t seem to notice the noise, too focused on how far he can slide his hand up Dan’s shirt without removing it entirely. The noise gets closer, and Dan realises blearily, belatedly, that Phil doesn’t own a dog.

Just as this realisation crests, Mrs Lester rounds the corner. “Phil, love is that- oh!”

Phil jumps back at the sound of his mum’s voice, but it’s too late. She’s already seen the worst of it. Dan waits for the ground beneath him to split into a gaping hole into which he can tumble, but presumably because God hates him, it doesn’t happen.

“Mum!” Phil exclaims, breathless.

Dan runs a hand through his hair. “H-hi, Mrs Lester. Kath. Mrs Lester.”

She’s wide-eyed, cheeks rosy pink. In her hands she holds a pair of socks, which she seems to have forgotten are there. “Phil, could I have a quick word?”

Phil tosses Dan a look of apology, then follows him mum through the lounge and into the kitchen. Dan waits for a minute or so, straightening his shirt, trying not to think the worst, and then can’t battle his paranoia any longer. He creeps into the lounge, listening hard to the hushed conversation from the next room. If he stands in the space beside the bookshelf, he can just about make it out, whilst avoiding being seen.

“...thought you’d be gone already.”

“Yes, I can see that, love.”

There’s a pause; Dan can hear his own heart thumping.

“So, you and Dan are…”

“Yeah.”

“I see. How long have you been…?”

“Um, about two weeks? Just over.”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“Mum,” Phil says, clearly embarrassed.

“You could have told me, you know.”

“I was going to,” Phil insists. “I just… I wanted to make sure it wasn’t all going to explode. I don’t wanna pressure him. He’s even told me he doesn’t like people at school talking about us. He doesn’t even care about them. But he likes you, I know he does. I haven’t had a chance to ask him what he’d think about you knowing. If it might be a bit much for him. I’m just- I’m so scared I’m gonna say something wrong and he’s gonna bolt. You know what he’s like.”

Dan frowns. Phil is really worried that he’s going to bolt?

“Okay, I understand your concerns,” Kath says, kindly. “But I still think if he’s going to be staying here, I ought to be aware-”

“Yeah, I know, you’re right. I’m sorry,” Phil says. “But nothing’s changed really. He’s just been coming over for Buffy marathons and hot chocolate after he’s finished work, like always.”

“Hmm, well that certainly was not a Buffy marathon I just walked in on.”

Phil laughs, and Dan thinks he hears Kath tittering too. “Sorry you had to see that. So embarrassing.”

Kath sighs, and there’s shuffling noises. Dan thinks maybe she’s giving Phil a hug. “I’m happy for you, sweetheart. Hope you know that.”

“You are?” Phil’s voice is muffled, like he’s speaking into her shoulder.

“Just took me by surprise is all. I mean, I always wondered if maybe you had a little crush on him…”

“I think, in hindsight, it was quite a bit more than a little crush.”

Another long pause. “Well, Dan’s a very lucky boy, then.”

“You’re really okay with it? He can still come over in the week and stuff?”

“Of course,” Kath replies in that kindly, mumsy voice Dan loves her for. His heart aches at the sound of her easy, ready acceptance. She makes motherhood seem so simple. She’s an open book, filled with endless words of love and support, more than happy for anyone who needs it to rip out a page. She saves the best of her chapters for Phil, of course. But there’s some passages bookmarked especially for Dan, too. “Do be careful with him, won’t you, Phil?” Her voice is thick with concern. “That scary mask he wears might fool some people, but you and I know it’s made of thin, breakable glass.”

Dan frowns again, mildly irritated that she sees him as a fragile little flower, but he has to begrudgingly admit that Kath has never once fallen for his tough-guy façade. The first time he ever met her, he was his usual cagey and brooding self, unconcerned with making a good impression on any parent. But much in the same way Phil had, she wore his shell away with persistent sweetness. She invited him to stay for dinner, and gave him second helpings without asking, then chocolate biscuits with tea. She asked him a thousand questions, and didn’t mind if he preferred not to answer them, but listened intently if he did. She told funny stories about Phil as a kid. She told him to come back anytime he wanted, even though he was basically a dick all night. She’d been unrelentingly nice and caring, in a way that Dan had never before felt from an adult.

“Don’t worry,” Phil assures her. “I think I’d give him the whole world if I could.”

“And… what happened to that Amanda girl you brought round? I thought you were besotted with her?”

Dan’s stomach clenches.

“We’re just friends.” The surety in Phil’s voice is like a blanket Dan wants to clutch to his chest.

“Okay then. Well, I guess I’d better get going,” Kath says in a sigh. “I was just finishing packing.”

“Tell Auntie Pat I say hi,” Phil says. “And stroke Mittens for me.”

Alarmed by the movement he suddenly hears, Dan sneaks back through the lounge towards the hall, managing to make it out just before Phil and his mum exit the kitchen.

“Phil, just one last thing,” Kath says from the lounge, her voice so quiet Dan can hardly pick it up. “You two will be safe, won’t you?”

“Oh my God, Mum, please-”

“Phil, I’m asking for your own good-”

Dan has to clap a hand over his mouth to stop the laugh escaping.

“Yes, fine, wow, we’ll be safe I promise.” Phil says in a rushed garble. “Now I never ever want to speak about this again.”

Kath laughs quietly. “Fine. You’re sensible, I know. But I am your mother, I have to make sure.”

When Phil rounds the corner, he looks vaguely traumatised. Kath is right behind him, a calm smile on her face. Dan smiles back, unsurely, trying to seem as though he has no idea what they’ve been discussing. Kath crosses the hall towards him at once, and wraps him in her arms. Dan feels a little choked up, but manages to remain composed enough to return the hug, gently patting her on the shoulder. She releases him without comment, for which Dan is incredibly grateful, and then starts up the stairs.

“There’s plenty of food in the house boys,” she says as she goes. “Help yourselves, both of you. I’ll be back on Sunday.”

Once she’s out of sight, Phil begins spewing apologies. “...had no idea, I thought she’d have left ages ago because we were all that time in detention-”

“Phil, it’s okay,” Dan says, laughing. “Mortifying, obviously. But not the worst position I’ve been caught in by someone’s mum. And your mum is by far the coolest.”

“Bit of a mood killer, though,” Phil says, sighing.

Dan grimaces. “Yeah.”

They stand in silence for a moment, both reliving the look on Kath’s face as she’d first caught sight of them.

“Wanna watch a film for a while? Take our minds off it?”

“Absolutely.”

Three hours after Kath leaves, and they’re on their second film of the evening - Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It’s not helping ease the tension hovering around them, because Phil had said right at the beginning that he’d always kind of fancied Russell Brand, and now it’s all Dan can think about.

“Would you have sex with him?”

Phil wrinkles his nose. “Dunno.”

“Like, if he was here right now,” Dan persists. “Leather trousers, birds nest hair. Asks you to pop your kit off and join him in the cupboard.”

Phil laughs, playing with a popcorn kernel from the almost empty bowl. “Um, no.”

“No?” Dan turns, avidly interested, as ever, in Phil’s elusive sexual preferences. “Why not? He’s had the experience. So, he’d probably be decent at it, at least.”

“Yeah, well, even so.”

There’s something halting, maybe even reluctant about Phil’s tone. Dan might be imagining it, but he thinks Phil’s mildly uncomfortable with this discussion. Dan decides to prod just one last time, to see if he can get whatever the discomfort is out of him, and then he’ll drop it.

“Is it ‘cos he looks a bit, like, grubby?”

Phil laughs again; his cheeks have turned pink. He flicks the popcorn kernel away. “Look, I’m sure Russell’s great in bed. Fantastic, maybe. But right now, I only wanna have sex with you.”

The breath catches in Dan’s throat. As the unexpected statement sinks into his skin, the tension he and Phil have been stewing in fizzles away. He crawls across the sofa - Dan had jumped to the opposite side of it after a startling reappearance of Kath, hands over her eyes, shouting something about leaving her scarf behind and that she wasn’t looking - until he’s close enough to straddle Phil’s lap. He winds his arms around Phil’s neck and kisses him, slowly, taking his time, because they have oodles of it.

Phil is eager and responsive in the way that Dan imagines he might have been himself, if his first time had been with someone he actually liked. Dan had been too young to appreciate what he was losing, and to whom; he regrets it immensely. He’s determined that Phil’s experience will be different. This sweet, incredible boy deserves so much more than some vaguely nauseating fuck in the back of a car that’s over in less than a minute, and that the other party won’t even remember. If Dan is honest, he believes that Phil deserves more than anything Dan can possibly offer, but if Dan is what he wants, then Dan will do his best to make it perfect.

They’re just getting into it, just starting to find their way beneath hems and waistbands, when the doorbell rings.

They break apart, a little dazed.

“We could ignore it?” Phil suggests, and Dan is more than on board, so swoops back in to kiss him again.

A minute passes, and then it rings again.

Dan sighs, reaching for the remote to shut Russell up once and for all, then climbs off Phil’s lap. Phil stands a little shakily, smoothing down his school uniform, and goes to get the door. Dan idly flicks through his Twitter timeline on his phone, waiting for him to return.

“Amanda,” Phil says, somewhere in the background. Dan shoots upright, swivelling to look. He can just make out Phil, and a vague, familiar silhouette on the doorstep. Her brown curls give her away.

“Hey,” Amanda says. “Is this a bad time?”

Dan gets up, his feet marching him to the door without his permission.

“Well, actually,” Phil starts to say, but then Dan is at his elbow. Phil blinks at him, worriedly.

“She wanted to talk to you,” Dan says. “She told me. You should invite her in.”

“I can leave, if you want,” Dan says, because nobody is saying anything.

Phil sits up straight, staring at him. “No, don’t.”

“It’s okay, I can go for a walk or-”

“Actually, I wanted to talk to both of you.”

They both turn to Amanda, vaguely worried. She’s got her hair in a messy ponytail, and is wearing jeans, which Dan cannot remember ever seeing on her before. He doesn’t remember her being at school today either.

“Okay,” Phil says. “Did you want a drink or something? I’ve got tea, or-”

“No, it’s okay. I won’t stay long.”

Dan stares at her hands, clasped in her lap. Her French manicure tips are peeling off. She’s sat in the exact spot on the sofa where Dan had been perched atop Phil’s lap not ten minutes ago.

“I basically just wanted to tell you both that there are no hard feelings,” she says carefully. She aims a smile at each of them, though it doesn’t reach her eyes. “At least on my end.”

“That’s good to know,” Phil says, softly. The guilt is still coursing through him, it’s plain to see.

Dan doesn’t respond. He can feel his fingernails digging into his palm, the way they tend to do when he’s trying to suppress some awful emotion he doesn’t want to feel.

“I really am happy for you both,” Amanda continues. She clears her throat, a tiny, perfect crease between her plucked brows. “I know you feel like you used me, Phil. And Dan, I know you must think I’m, like, the ultimate cockblock.”

You have no idea, Dan thinks privately.

“But I’m glad that, even though I didn’t know it at first, I was able to help you both to get what you really wanted.” In her following sigh, Dan’s suspicions are confirmed; this touching speech is not the real reason she’s here. “But - and again, I’m not blaming you guys - after all that’s happened, I’m sort of... in a tricky spot.”

Phil is immediately alarmed. “Is it Hardy? Is he bothering you again?” Dan considers ramming his fingers in his ears so he can drown out the concern in Phil’s voice. He turns to Dan. “You said you scared him off.”

“How is this my fault?” Dan snaps. “If he’s harassing her it’s not because I didn’t punch him hard enough. It’s because he’s a knob.”

The response is about to trip of Phil’s tongue, but Amanda gets there first. “No, guys, it’s not Hardy. Well, not directly.” She shifts in her seat. “The Elite gang are pretty harsh about anyone that doesn’t follow la regle de jeu.”

“La what?”

“The rules of the game,” Dan mutters; Phil glances at him, surprised. “Their game. Shocker, really. They always seemed such an easygoing bunch.”

Amanda raises her eyebrows at him. “Yes, we’ve established that I’m an idiot for going anywhere near them, Dan.”

It’s infuriating that she doesn’t ever try to defend herself. Dan’s not used to having someone so readily accept their own folly. Her acknowledgments knock Dan’s insults right back over to him, and he’s never prepared to swing his racket in time to catch them.

“Wait, so, it’s all of them?” Phil asks, clearly not following the game. “The whole Elite gang are giving you trouble?”

“Have you ever seen Mean Girls?” Amanda asks. “It’s not like they’re knocking my books out of my hands, or shoving me into lockers. But they’re bitchy and they’ve got the whole school under their thumbs. Together, they’re perfectly capable of destroying my life, and they seem pretty intent on it.”

“Are you saying that going to Prom with Phil is akin to committing ‘social suicide’?” Dan asks bitterly, putting the Mean Girls term in a fake American accent. “What a touching sentiment.” He scoffs. “I’m so sick of this stupid playground drama. What are we, twelve?”

“Dan,” Phil warns.

“No, I get it,” Amanda says, looking down. “He’s right. It’s completely pathetic. Even when I was taking part in it, I hated it. Keeping up with the Elites was exhausting. The constant battle for Queen Bee. The lies and the backstabbing, everyone secretly despising each other. And being with Hardy was just embarrassing. Everyone knew he was cheating. The whole discussed it, laughed about it, and I had to pretend like I was too ditzy, too lovesick over him to notice.” She puts her head in her hands. “I thought that, maybe, if I took a huge leap, right back over the tracks, I could escape it. That’s why I said yes to you when you asked me, Phil. I saw a chance at some normalcy and I took it. It wasn’t fair of me, I know that. But in a way, we were both sort of using each other, right?”

There’s a lull in the discussion; Phil aims a worried look in Dan’s direction. Dan begins chewing the skin around his thumbnail.

“I’m sorry that I’m even asking this,” Amanda says then. She looks up at Phil, then at Dan, eyes shining. “But I need your help.”

Phil sucks in a breath. “What is it?”

Something in Dan’s chest crumbles and breaks away. It seems so unlikely that Phil could be over her, if he’s this willing to jump to her aid, even now.

“It’s not much,” Amanda says quickly. “School is over in a couple of months. I just want to get through it. Lillian and the others are turning the whole school against me. People say horrible things. They leave notes in my locker. They spread rumours. I’m sure you’ve heard.”

Now that she mentions it, Dan does recall hearing a few strange things about her recently. He hadn’t paid much attention - he’s usually bored to tears by high school gossip - but hearing that she’d been seen leaving the Savoy hotel in a new designer dress on the arm of a seventy year old man, or on the other end of the spectrum, dancing on a pole in a poor, cheap disguise at a seedy strip club two towns over, had caught his attention.

“What can we do?” Phil asks.

Dan wants to make it very clear right now that he is not, and will not ever be, getting involved in this. His mouth won’t seem to form the words, though.

“I need friends,” Amanda says. Dan waits, but this appears to be the extent of it. “Just to hold the rumours off a bit. If they think I have people on my side, maybe they’d be less vicious. All you’d have to do is sit with me a few times at lunch, or hang out with me outside of school now and again. Maybe I could come to the café every once in a while? Then you wouldn’t even have to make the effort-”

“Amanda,” Phil interrupts. “It’s fine. Of course we’ll be your friends.”

The relief on her face is too overwhelming to be faked. Even so, Dan is not willing to offer his own services as a friend. It’s taken him this long to be comfortable with having just one. Even Lee is still on a trial period.

“It’s just until school’s over,” she says again. “I just can’t take it on my own. I thought I could, and I tried, but they’re just… they’re terrible people. Lillian’s sister is in Aidan’s class, I’m so worried about what could get back to him-”

“It’s okay.” Phil’s smiling, happy this has all been cleared up so neatly. “I got you into this mess, it’s the least I can do.” He turns. “Right, Dan?”

Dan tears a strip of skin from his thumb with his teeth. He wants so badly to say no. He wants things to go back to how they were, for Amanda to crawl back to Hardy, who would undoubtedly be all too happy for the only believable beard he’s ever grown to fix itself back in place. But for some reason, Amanda “Elitist” Jones is suddenly hellbent on doing the right thing. Even Dan knows that to refuse being someone’s friend, for two measly months, is a dick move that cannot be justified, no matter how suspicious he might be of potential motives. If he says his no, Phil won’t understand. He’ll be angry. Their weekend will be ruined, and so might be their future.

So, Dan swallows it all down. “Yeah, totally.”

Phil beams at Amanda. “Oh, by the way, I have your jacket.” He stands suddenly, and Dan feels a little ill. “Wait here.”

He jogs out of the room before Dan can beg him to stay, leaving he and Amanda alone. She fixes him with a knowing stare. “You’re not happy with this.”

Dan thinks about lying, but decides against it. “No, I’m not. You could beg anyone to be your friend for two months. The Elites might be getting people to shun you, but you’re still Amanda Jones. Just smile sweetly and anyone in St Anthony’s would do whatever you say.”

“Exactly,” Amanda says. “I want real friends. People who I can actually talk to. Not Elite wannabes that put me on some ridiculous pedestal, only hanging out with me because they see an open position on the throne.”

“I just don’t see why it has to be him,” Dan says, gripping the arm of the chair.

“Him?” Amanda’s smile is as treacherous as it is sincere. “Dan, I want to be friends with you.”

As usual, the dust takes a while to settle in the wake of Amanda’s departure. Phil brings Dan a mug of tea, handing it over cautiously. Still sat in the same position in the armchair, Dan takes it from him, still mulling over all that’s happened.

“So,” Phil says, perching on the arm of the sofa. He sips from his own mug. “That was unexpected.”

“Mmm,” Dan says. His mind is whirring, producing the kind of noise Phil’s laptop makes when it’s overheating from excess Sims playing. “Guess we’re all besties now.”

“Is it a problem for you?”

Dan considers this, finger skimming around the rim of his mug. “I think... I can get past it.”

Phil nods unsurely, scrutinising Dan’s glazed expression. “You sure? If it really bothers you, we can try and find another way.”

Dan takes a sip of his tea. It’s faintly sweet, because Phil knows Dan too well to believe him when he says he doesn’t take sugar.

“Just don’t fall in love with her,” Dan says into the mug. He means it to come out as a joke, but inevitably it’s spoken quiet and sombre.

Phil puts his mug down, then walks to Dan. He takes him by the hand and pulls him from the chair, then wraps him in a hug. “No chance of that,” he says into Dan’s forehead. “I’ve got something a thousand times better.”

“No!”

Dan wakes up with a jolt, hands coming up to cover his face, because shouts usually mean he’s about to get smacked. He hears a quiet ‘shit’ and then arms come around his shoulders; his heart slows gradually, and then Dan remembers where he is, and that he’s unlikely to be in danger of getting pounded in Phil’s bedroom. At least not in any way he’d need to defend himself from.

He lowers his hands, blinking in the darkness. “The fuck?”

“Sorry,” Phil whispers, guiltily. “Didn’t mean to frighten you. We fell asleep.”

Dan squints, trying to piece this together. “So you screamed ‘no’ in my ear?”

“I’m annoyed at myself,” Phil explains. “We’re supposed to be in the throes of passion.”

Dan snorts, falling back to the pillows, exhausted. “Russell’s a bad influence on you.”

Phil prods him in the arm, then falls back beside him. “I’m sorry. I promised you a weekend of sordid, non-stop lovemaking. So far, the two worst people that could have interrupted us mid-sexy-times did, and now we’ve fallen asleep in our not very arousing Elmo and Game Of Thrones pyjamas.”

Dan laughs tiredly, eyes already re-closing. “We’ve got loads of time for all that.”

“Tomorrow I’m gonna ravish you,” Phil warns, though by the sounds of it he’s already half-unconscious.

“I’d better prepare my body for the ravishing ahead.”

Phil swats him in the arm. “You’d better, Howell.”

They don’t get up until noon, for no good reason other than Phil’s bed is ridiculously comfy. Dan wakes up with his nose in Phil’s neck, so he presses a kiss there, then another, and eventually Phil stirs.

“Hey,” Dan says, then rolls on top of him.

Phil’s blue eyes blink up at him, wide and surprised by the sudden change in positions. “H-hey,” he says. “What’s-”

Dan leans in and kisses the question away. Somehow, Phil still tastes wonderful, even first thing in the morning. Dan can’t be sure the same can be said about his own morning breath. He lets himself sink into the kiss regardless, hands beginning to wander beneath the covers, skidding over the strip of skin where Phil’s pyjama top has ridden up in the night.

Phil’s breath hitches, and then his hands come to Dan’s shoulders, gently rolling him off. Dan sits up, worried. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Phil says quickly, sitting up as well. The covers fall to his waist. He gives Dan a reassuring smile. “Sorry, just… too hot.” There’s a pause as Dan digests this lame excuse. “I’ll make some tea. Do you want some tea?”

“Um,” Dan says, thrown. “Coffee, maybe?”

“Sure,” Phil says, tossing the covers aside.

He stands up quickly, snatching the mugs they’d used last night from the bedside table. Once he’s left the room, Dan stays put for a second, trying to figure out the next what might have just gone wrong. Eventually, he decides to quell his pounding paranoid thoughts, and follow Phil downstairs. In the kitchen, Phil is whistling away as he clatters mugs and kettles about, happy as a clam. Though he finds this sudden turnaround odd, Dan makes the choies to just forget about it. Perhaps Phil was just hot and uncomfortable in the first few minutes of waking, like he said. Or, more likely, maybe Dan’s breath was actually too terrible to withstand the kissing a moment longer, let alone anything else.

“I’m just gonna go brush my teeth,” Dan calls to Phil, making him jump. He turns, hand on his heart, giggling at himself.

“Cool, do you want some toast?”

“Sounds great,” Dan says, then heads for the bathroom.

They eat toast on the sofa together, watching Good Morning Britain.

Licking the crumbs from his fingers, Dan says, “Piers Morgan’s definitely the kind of guy who’d refuse to go down on his wife, but expect her to give him a twenty minute blowjob.” Dan turns to Phil, who is staring at him dazedly. “Like DJ Khaled. Y’know?”

Phil’s eyes are glazed, fixed on Dan’s fingers. His plate of toast crusts is slipping off his lap.

“Phil?” Dan asks.

He focuses suddenly, snapped back into the room. “Hm? Sorry, what was the question?”

Dan regards him curiously, lowering his fingers from his mouth. “Don’t worry,” he says, turning back to the TV.

A couple of hours later, they’re still on the sofa, because they’re lazy and it’s the weekend. Dan has his feet on Phil’s lap, his back against the other end of the sofa. They’re watching Jeremy Kyle, one of Dan’s all time favourite shows, and laughing at the ridiculous drama erupting on stage.

“To be honest, if some chick told me my boyfriend had fucked her brother and her Dad, I’d probably tackle him on live TV too,” Dan says. He’s got one arm behind his head, and the other resting across his stomach, idly tickling the skin on show. He turns to Phil, amused by the antics on screen. “So don’t try anything, yeah?”

Again, Phil is doing that strange, distant stare. This time his eyes are firmly fixed on Dan’s abdomen, pupils moving in time with the back and forth of Dan’s fingers. A slow smile creeps over Dan’s face, and realisation dawns.

“Phil,” he says again. His voice is a fair bit lower now. “Phil?”

“Hm?” Phil’s eyes are still trained on his fingers, so Dan pushes them just under the waistband of his pyjama bottoms, and Phil looks up, cheeks pink. “Is there something you want?”

Phil swallows. “I was just…”

Dan sits up, feet lifting from Phil’s lap, and closes the gap separating them. He reaches for the remote, switching off the TV, and brings his mouth to Phil’s ear.

“You can have me whenever you want, you know,” he purrs. “If the staring isn’t doing it for you.”

A shiver goes through Phil, Dan can feel it. He slides onto Phil’s lap for the second time this weekend, careful to watch his face for any sign he might not be into this. There’s an uncertainty in his eyes that Dan wants to get rid of, so he settles himself atop Phil’s thighs, and brings Phil’s hands to his hips.

“You still up for some…” Dan arches an eyebrow. “Fun?”

Phil swallows again, his hands tightening on Dan’s hips. “Yes.” He sighs, eyes fluttering closed. “Sorry. I’m just… nervous, I think.”

“Of me?”

“No,” Phil says in a breath. Dan can feel his leg jiggling, because he’s sat on it. “I just… I mean, I know you’ve done this a lot.”

“Wow,” Dan says, sitting back a little. “Cheers.”

“I’m just kinda daunted,” Phil explains. “What if I suck?”

Dan has to fight the laugh that bubbles up rather hard, and he doesn’t entirely succeed. “Um…”

Phil pokes him in the side, making him yelp. “You know what I mean.”

“Hm,” Dan says, already sliding off Phil’s lap, onto the floor. He kneels on the carpet, a hand on each of Phil’s knees. “Sounds like your worries have got you quite worked up.” Phil’s mouth has fallen into a little ‘o’. Gently, Dan pushes Phil’s knees apart. “Let me…” Dan bites his lip, holding Phil’s gaze. “Help you to relax.”

He waits just enough time for Phil to have the option of refusing, but he remains blissfully, mercifully quiet, just watching Dan with wide, fluttery eyes. As Dan leans forwards, tracing his tongue along the seams running along Phil’s inner thighs, Dan imagines he can hear an Angelic chorus. He curls his fingers around the waistband of Phil’s trousers, inching them down, eyes locked on Phil’s, just in case he might protest.

“Lift,” Dan whispers once they’ve reached a point he can’t pull them past. It takes a moment for it to register, then Phil cants his hips upwards, and Dan tugs. The dark hair beginning at his bellybutton snakes down, spreading into a tight thicket at the base of a long, thick, flushed cock. Dan can feel his mouth filling with saliva at the mere sight. “Fuck-ing hell,” he breathes, wonderingly, and wraps his fingers around it, forgetting to stop and ask if it’s still okay. “Phil, you’re gorgeous.”

Phil’s hips twitch, and Dan reorients himself, remembering that this is, in all likelihood the first time anyone’s touched Phil this way, aside from his own hand. Dan moves his hand gently, watching the expressions of awe flicker across Phil’s face. He’s breathing in short stutters, hips twitching forwards, like he wants to thrust into Dan’s fist. It takes about a minute of gently pumping his curled fingers up and down, before Dan’s resolve breaks. He leans in, fist still wrapped around the base of him, and swirls his tongue around the head.

Phil sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth, one hand flying out to rest atop Dan’s head. “Fuck,” he says, eloquent as ever.

Dan lets out as snort of laughter, which comes out as a pulse of breath through his nose. Phil tastes so good. He tastes as delicious as he does everywhere else, like he’s got waffle syrup pumping through his veins instead of blood. Dan knows, the second Phil’s flavour spreads across his tongue, that he’s addicted to it. He sinks his mouth over Phil’s length, chasing more, already so blissed out it’s a wonder he can stay focused; he’s wanted this for so long that it’s practically torturous to finally receive it. Like giving a child access to an entire candy store, allowing it to gorge itself, after months of only peering longingly through the locked doors. A whimper falls from Phil’s lips, scraping past Dan’s ears on its way to the floor. Dan pockets it for later, knowing it will be very helpful for the late nights Dan spends alone, thinking about all the many, many ways he wants to make Phil come.

“Dan…” Phil chokes out, sounding strained. Blindly, Dan reaches out a hand, and Phil threads his fingers through it immediately. “Dan, fuck. I don’t think I’m gonna last very l-long.”

Ignoring him entirely, Dan just sinks deeper, unable to suppress a groan, born from the thrill that courses down his spine as he feels the length of Phil’s cock sliding down his throat. He goes slowly at first, letting Phil slip in and out of him gently as he bobs his head. But Phil’s whimpers are turning into needy little whines, his hips are threatening to push further into the cavern of Dan’s mouth. So Dan places a hand on Phil’s upper thigh, and picks up the pace. It’s beyond any kind of pleasure Dan’s ever known, to watch, to feel, to taste, as Phil completely falls apart under his ministrations. He meets Phil’s eyes, holding the gaze because he wants to witness every last second. Phil’s got a hand threaded into Dan’s curls, pushing the hair from his eyes. Dan’s name falls like dewdrops from his reddened lips.

And then, just as he warned, it seems he can’t hold on any longer. He tastes like sweet, sun-warmed rainwater as he floods Dan’s mouth. In Dan’s wildest imaginings of this moment, of which there have been many, he never once dreamed of spitting it out, and now, he wouldn’t do it if you paid him. He swallows all of it down, then lets Phil slip out of his mouth slowly, missing the thick, heavy weight of him on his tongue the moment it’s gone. He sits back on his ankles, breathing ragged, and untangles their fingers.

“Feeling a little less tense?”

Phil still appears to be struggling to glide back down to the real world. He sits up, with some effort, and latches his pupil-blown eyes onto Dan’s. “Come here,” he demands, croakily.

Dan’s never been one to deny Phil, and it would be hopeless to think he could start now. He hops up, clambering back into Phil’s lap happily. The moment he’s close enough, Phil drags him in for a kiss. Dan tries to stop him, knowing he’ll only be tasting himself, but apparently this doesn’t seem to bother Phil. He kisses Dan deeply, hungrily, hands slipping straight under his t-shirt, and then pulling it off entirely. Dan chuckles at his eagerness, and then abruptly stops laughing when Phil reaches between them, to press his palm against Dan’s erection, through his pyjamas. Instinctively, Dan bucks into the touch, hands going for the back of Phil’s head. Phil strokes his thumb across the very spot where the tip of Dan’s cock pokes against the fabric. Dan tilts his head to one side, and Phil’s mouth goes straight for the exposed neck, kissing and biting at it.

“Not fair,” Dan complains, though he’s urging Phil onwards with a hand on the back of his head. “You know that’s my weakness.”

Phil finishes sucking what Dan imagines is a very large bruise, then leans back, eyes sparkling. “I warned you I’d give you another one to match.”

“Lesters always follow through,” Dan jokes, and Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s bare waist, pressing a kiss to his chest.

“Will you come upstairs with me?”

Dan is a little surprised, but he nods regardless. He climbs off Phil’s lap, realising for the first time just how ridiculously, achingly hard he is, mostly because of how lightheaded he feels when he attempts to stand. Luckily, Phil, pyjama trousers pulled back up, takes hold of his hand and leads him up to his room. As soon as they’re inside, Phil shoves Dan backwards, sending him sprawling across the bed.

“Hey,” Dan complains, though he’s laughing. “Didn’t know you were into BDSM.”

“You would look pretty hot tied up,” Phil says unexpectedly, scooting around the bed to dig in his bedside drawer. “But maybe we could try that another time, when I’m less terrified.”

For a moment, the smile on Dan’s face freezes. “You’re terrified?” He watches Phil, concerned. “You don’t have to do anything, you know. We can just leave it for now-”

Phil jumps up onto the bed, pulling off his t-shirt. It’s a very effective method of shutting Dan up, as he’s got a gorgeous body, lean and tapered, with big shoulders and a defined waist. Dan reaches out to grab at him, his hopeless arousal muddying his conscience.

“I think I’d be terrified even if we waited for the wedding day,” Phil says, which makes Dan splutter. “You’re just…” Phil trails a hand down Dan’s torso, lightly sweeping across the skin, side to side. “You’re unbelievably beautiful. On top of everything else.”

Dan thinks about asking what ‘everything else’ is, but knows all too well that Phil’s misguided notions about Dan’s personality are difficult to listen to. Instead, he asks, “what can I do to make you less scared?”

Instinctively, Dan’s hand lands on Phil’s, stilling him as he brushes over the burn scar on his left side. But Phil reaches down and removes it, then leans down to press soft, careful lips against the shiny pink skin. Dan’s eyes sting.

“Just tell me if it feels good,” Phil says as he leans back up. He plucks what looks like a small bottle of lubricant from the pocket of his pyjama trousers.

“Phil, if you knew how many times I’ve dreamt of you... of this...” Dan starts to say, then shakes his head, smiling faintly. “I don’t think it’s possible for you to not make me come, like, ridiculously hard.”

He looks a little dazed at this information, but Phil nods, then slips his fingers into Dan’s waistband, and pulls. Dan lifts his hips so Phil can slide them off, watching Phil’s expression closely as he drinks in the sight of Dan’s entirely naked body for the first time. Dan’s cock twitches, as if it knows it’s being closely observed.

“Shit, Dan,” Phil breathes. His hands are free-roaming over the miles of Dan’s skin now on show. “I want to draw you like this,” Phil says. He trickles light, teasing fingers from Dan’s sternum to his pelvis. “Would you let me?”

“R-right now?”

Phil laughs. “No, not right now.” He settles into a position, half laid on top of Dan, then sends him a mischievous glance. “I have things to take care of.”

Phil picks up the bottle of lubricant, which has fallen to the bed, and uncaps it. He pours some into his palm, then pauses, and squeezes out a little more. He rubs it between his hands for a moment, then, before Dan can stop him, wraps a hand around Dan’s erection.

“Ah! Shit,” Dan exclaims, laughing a little.

Phil freezes instantly. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just freezing,” Dan replies, still chuckling. “Maybe warm it with your hands a little more next time?”

Phil joins in the laughter, nodding. “Sorry.”

He doesn’t get a chance to expand on his apology, because right then he starts moving his hand, the slick lubricant creating an indescribable friction, one that pushes a moan from Dan’s throat, has him arching his head backwards into the pillows. Phil drapes over him, hand still slowly pumping around Dan’s cock. He presses damp, messy kisses against Dan’s neck, bracing his face above Dan’s with an elbow beside his head.

“Does it feel good?”

Dan groans, hands finding Phil’s shoulders. “So fucking good.”

Spurred on by the news, Phil speeds up, at which point Dan’s eyelids screw shut, and he bows forwards into Phil’s neck.

“Look at me,” Phil whispers then. It’s an unexpected command, but Dan does it nonetheless, lifting his head to stare into Phil’s eyes.

He can only hold it for a moment before he has to look away again, but Phil is not having it. He releases his hold on Dan’s erection, which briefly makes Dan want to die. Phil reaches up to tilt Dan’s chin back around, forcing their eyes to meet again.

“Please, I want to see you,” Phil whispers, pressing their lips together. “Will you?”

Tears sting Dan’s eyes, and he’s not sure why. There’s something about this that feels too much, like he’s about to slip under a turbulent, roiling ocean. The press of Phil’s body on top of his is overwhelming; Dan can feel connecting of their skin seemingly at every join, can feel their hearts beating in rhythm, their breaths synchronised. Phil is warmth, and light, and sweet, pure love; it sounds absurd, but pressed together as they are, Dan can feel all of it sinking into him, through his pores, to the sinew and muscle beneath. He feels the incredible swell of Phil’s adoration, and it’s dizzying, maddening to know, deeply, that it’s all for him.

Phil’s hand wraps back around his cock, and Dan tries with all he has to keep his eyes locked on Phil’s like he wants. But two tears spill over, and he has to shut them, to blink them away. Phil kisses him fiercely, like he’s been missing out on the taste of Dan’s mouth for years. Like he’s been battling far away in some great unknown war, with Dan left alone, waiting for him, and now he’s returned, and he’s determined to drown them together, in the love they couldn’t swim in whilst they were parted.

Something cataclysmic builds in Dan’s chest, something terrifying and enormous, so unfamiliar that Dan wonders if he’s on the brink of death. He feels everything Phil is pouring onto him in this moment through their locked eyes, feels the weight of his suppressed yearning. And then it explodes through him, a tidalwave of blinding, electrifying ecstasy, ebbing out to the very tips of his toes. He breathes heavily, gripping onto the only life raft he has: Phil, still above him, floating on the edge of this tsunami, sure, and strong, and safe.

When it’s over, Dan washes ashore, back into the familiar blue and green bedclothes he’s been curled in so many times. Phil rolls to the side, and Dan crashes onto his chest, limp and utterly boneless.

“Was I okay?” Phil asks, tentative and unsure.

Dan doesn’t think words could ever possibly express the pure, raw, visceral phenomenon that he just experienced, so instead, he leans up, spreads himself over Phil however he can, and tries his best to show him.

(Chapter Fourteen - FINAL CHAPTER - Coming Next Tues!)

#skof #some kind of folliful #phan #phanfic

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survivor-rotuma · 6 years ago

Text

Ep. 7: “don't @ me I'm a gemini” - Marie

marie

well felix is not very happy

marie

mkay felix I get that you're pissed cause you don't rule the numbers but I frankly don't care. If you want to go for me go ahead because I wasn't the one who got blindsided

zest

so, it was the first blindside of the night. honestly, i was expecting it but I was also sort of confused about what happened. There is a lot happening socially and I am not sure if I can keep up. I am trying to. Really hope that the bruschetta alliance stays authentic, honest, and loyal. Cassie leaving was bittersweet. I hope she knows that I really did enjoy our conversations but I do have to remember that this is an individual competition.

marie

I hope my bye bye's don't become too iconic and noticeable oop Felix

These bitches are shady. I mean I already knew that these people were smarter than they let on, but I didn't expect such a dramatic twist. Brianna is their goat and Joey is mine. Let's see how this goes. I'll fight for a chance to stay, but I ain't playing kind anymore

Flint

Well that tribal did not go as planned. I need to step it up and form a new alliance otherwise I’m a goner

Felix

I am going to target Apollo for the rest of the game. He is an incredibly dangerous player and needs to go. I've told Marie (though I do not trust her at all) and Lysandre about how Apollo is in 3 different alliance chats and to not trust him. I am going hard on this because I feel secure that Apollo should go. I have an idol in case people do not want to follow my lead, and I'll hopefully get Apollo out this round. He needs to go so everyone can begin to either think for themselves or think for me. I want to do something about what has happened, but I need the power. My list is now Apollo > Marie > Brianna > Zest > Boris > Lys. This is my preferred order and I will go the end with my goats Flint and Joey.

Felix

Who do I trust? Joey and Flint Who do I plan on talking to? Lysandre and Boris Who am I targeting? Apollo and Marie Who is irrelevant? Zest and Brianna

Lysandre

So my plans ended up working out perfectly!!! Cassie went home in the end and Boris didn't recieve a single vote to my surprise. Felix, however, is pissed. He is really upset with me and Marie. Well moreso Marie because of the great plan I developed last round of making Marie look eager to make a big move while I didn't want to. I did this when Felix found out Marie said his name and I did it in order to save myself from losing Felix's trust and it worked out perfectly. He confronted the both of us and popped off on Marie while I sat there and ate my food. I simply had to further push the blame on Marie and Cassie.

Flint

Well it looks like the game is on. After that blindside I know where I stand within the group and have been approached by a few teammates with apologies of the Cassie blindside. I understand that it's part of the game but I need to find a way to orchestrate my own blindside, preferably Marie's.

marie

ok but like if I'm cross w/ you don't @ me I'm a gemini

marie

apparently to the people of this game I'm a social threat oop

marie

how am I a social threat???? I just convince people ton vote for who I want out, is that a threat??? ughhhhhhhhhh

Felix

I love playing cracked! This game is so much more fun when you don't give a fuck phew! Marie, 11:47 AM: how are ya doing 11:47 AM: I'm good Marie, 11:47 AM: thats good to hear! look, i can't force you to talk with me or work with me but i'd like to work with you 11:50 AM: Ok. But tell me this, who came up with the plan to vote out Cassie? Marie, 11:51 AM: it was a group of us that came up with the plan but the one who said it should be cassie was me 11:51 AM: Why Marie, 11:52 AM: i couldn't trust her and she really wanted some people i was working with out also she was a threat 11:53 AM: So you're working with Sumi then, right? Cause the main reason I hear that Cassie was wanted out was that she was targeting Boris Marie, 11:54 AM: i voted with sumi, yes. but that doesn't mean i'm working with them. according to someone i was talking to you apollo and i are the biggest threats. i was surprised to hear i was seen as a social threat 11:56 AM: And we wouldn't be if we had voted Brianna (kept it simple to make sure none of us had a target on our backs) and if you hadn't been saying my name and spreading it around like the plague. I was surprised to hear I was a social threat by you Marie, 11:57 AM: if i'm seen as a social threat what good would getting out other social threats do for me? it would make me a bigger target 11:57 AM: Then why get rid of Cassie? If she was a threat, then you should've kept her Marie, 11:58 AM: she's more of a strategic threat to me 11:58 AM: We need big targets in this game or else we'll be next on the chopping block Marie, 11:58 AM: and i'm not seen as one of those. no one thinks i'm a strategic threat and i'd like to keep it that way. if the threats worked together we'd be much better off and i realize that getting rid of cassie, a threat, isn't going to be helpful to me right now 12:01 PM: Is that the pitch you gave Cassie and Apollo when you made the Leaders alliance? I'll be honest with you. I do not trust you. But I trust Apollo even less. You can regain that rust my telling me exactly how this vote is going this round and keeping me in the loop Marie, 12:01 PM: the leaders alliance wasn't my idea. cassie and apollo came to me and said they wanted the tribe leaders to work together. i'll keep you in the loop, but i don't know who the vote is. who do you want gone 12:04 PM: Why do you want to know? So you can use it against me like you did Cassie? I'm not telling you who I want gone Marie, 12:05 PM: i want to know because i can't dictate who's going home. i need to know who other people want so we can pull in numbers. and when you say things like that it makes me think you're targeting me 12:07 PM: I'm not targeting you but think about like this: You got Cassie out because she was targeting people you wanted to work with. So, if I say who I want to target, then you could use that against me. I'm not going to trust you with that info because you've already proven that you cannot be trusted with said info. I'm not campaigning against anyone this round. As long as it is not me, I'm fine with whoever you guys tell me to vote. But do not expect that level of trust after you've just betrayed me Marie, 12:09 PM: i respect that because blindsides suck. i can probably pull most of these people in but there are only 2 people i would not vote out currently other than you 12:09 PM: Cool then I'm not taking a risk. Cause I don't know who those people are. I don't care to know either Marie, 12:10 PM: you can never have too many allies but you can have too many close one.i will work with anyone to accomplish a vote but just because i work with a group of people once does not mean they are my alliance like the group who voted cassie out, there are some whom i may never work with again who knows. if i dont know who you want out chances are we can't get that person out tonight unless everyone else wants that person too. i don't doubt that you might try to pull people in to blindside me or one of my allies, but its better if we stick together 12:17 PM: You're right: Who knows? I certainly don't, but that's the thing. I don't know if I can trust you. You have never proven to me that you want to work with me so why should I suddenly start working with you. Furthermore, by my account, your only actions in this game is going against me. You have your own agenda and I am not playing into it. I'll vote with you this tribal council, but I am not saying who I want gone.

Felix

Anyways, Marie is snake and she's sniffing around for names. She needs to calm down before making any moves. She so wants to be seen as this mastermind snake person, but I am not letting her have that. She also now wants Joey out which is a big no-no for me. I need to convince her to vote out someone else, possibly either Brianna or Zest, in order to make sure my final 3 comes to fruition.

Felix

Marie really thinks I'm brand new. We never had a true tribe swap in this game, so people are going to end up sticking with their original tribe because that's the people you bonded with for the majority of the game. She cannot understand that the reason people are targeting Joey is to get rid of numbers from the stronger tribe. Sumi will have a run of this game sooner or later if we do not start targeting them now. I can guarantee that Apollo wishes to have Zest and Brianna, two non-entities in this game, as his FTC. If Marie cannot understand that this is the game now, she will not win

Felix

I think I am at my most dangerous when I am playing reckless

marie

ok call me a snake all you want but this snake bites bitch so watch your fucking back and think before you call me a snake

Felix

Apollo is insinuating to me to not trust Marie or Lysandre. I mean I'll not trust them as much as I want because they ain't going to come with me to the end. I can't trust either of them. But, at the end of the day, it's good to know that he doesn't trust them either. The information will be good for later on. I just need to take out a Sumi this tribal council, no matter who it is. I want this immunity so bad because I want hat guarantee that these snakes cannot target me at all. Maybe then I'll have a vote that actually goes my way.

Lysandre

So the current development that is happening is a BIGGG altercation between Felix and Marie, two of my presumed allies. They're arguing in PMs and such. Felix is stuck on getting out a Sumi player and Marie is considering doing so but I'm not with it.. Felix ended up calling Marie a snake ajsjsjsjs so like drama but the only thing that mattered was that both of them still had trust in me. And both of them are going to protect me.

Flint

Talking with Marie a bit today and she is a very aggressive and upfront player. Definitely not my playing style but she has seemed to charm the majority. I hope to last longer then her but it might be hard to convince the group she has to go. a snake apparently (marie)felix is going home tonight as far as i'm concerned cause snakes bite bitch

Felix

These results are.... interesting to say the least. I was voted villain of the season, closest ally, should go home this round, least trusted, most likely to flip on my alliance, and most likely to have an idol. Absolutely wild. So if they think I have an idol, then I might as well play it. Though they know Apollo is going to win based on his track record. We'll see how this happens then

felix

Marie with the delusions! She really thinks she's running this game phew! She doesn't get numbers, she doesn't make her own moves, she's not sneaky. I've clocked her game already. I'd love to get her out ugh

Flint

Well it looks like I botched another immunity challenge. So far I’ve been on the bottom for both challenges and seems like I’m on the bottom of the tribe. Gonna be hard to fight back but hopefully I can find a crack to weasel into

Felix

Marie is the snake that I knew she was. She cannot keep her mouth shut or her info to her chest. She thinks she's playing THAT game but she is just Walmart to my Gucci. The nerve! I'm so glad Boris can be trusted and he is willing to vote with me. But I'll be using my idol this tribal council to make sure that I do not go home at all! I will outlast her and I'm not going down without a fight.

Lysandre

See Marie is both a blessing and a curse. She gives me access to info that I don't readily possess but she's also like a little teapot with holes in it, unintentionally spilling tea on the table instead of the teacup. She gives me a better social outreach than I have especially with Briana and well the now dead Cassie.

Lysandre

So the immunity challenge is touchy subjects!! I feel like its really early to have this challenge but I'm here for it not really?? I feel like Felix may win this one just because he's a good social player but lets see where that goes.

Brianna

Okay okay. So I haven’t confessed in awhile but here is what is going on. Apollo won the challenge good for him yada yada. Basically me and Marie have been talking a bunch of strategy based on current events. She started off with telling Felix that we wanted to target Joey which he wasn’t happy about. Then later after the challenge he said it needed to be a sumi out. Marie told me of course and she didn’t want to do it and it made us want to get out Felix more. So we decided to devise this plan. We are going to tell Felix that we will vote zest. Giving two votes to zest from Felix and Joey. Marie and lysandre will vote Joey. And sumi and flint will vote Felix. Don’t know if flint will do that we will see but it still shouldn’t be too bad if he doesn’t. I also brought up the idea of making an alliance of me, her, lysandre, and flint. She seemed on board for it. Of course this would give me my two main alliances of the BABes alliance with me, apollo and Boris and then the previous alliance I just mentioned. Meaning I get to be a messy middle player and hopefully zest and Joey will go out soon giving me that double sided protection for as long as possible.

Flint

Felix is my strongest ally in the game but with him being so visible and me being so invisible I wonder if and when is the best time to distance myself?

Lysandre

So the game is going on crazy!! Felix is targeting Marie and Marie is targeting Felix!! Apollo us immune so he can't go home. This is my crazy idea. Since Felix won the most likely to have an idol advantage I think that his advantage was a one round idol that must be played or becomes null. He's gonna use that on hisslef. I could use my idol on Marie this round and therefore save both of the people who are going to protect me in the end. And then I would vote out Zest or Joey. Thats a very risky play and I'm not sure if the outcome would be worth ut. In theory I could just stick with BorPollo but i think Boris has zest and maybe Briana as a number. If Felix goes home then there's gonna be a group of me, Briana, Marie, and Flint formed to most likely take out Apollo. If Marie goes then I lose my connection to Briana and therefore Flint. If felix goes then I become more of a threat. Its very tricky and I'm weighing my options.

Apollo

I’m super excited to win immunity, I’m busy all day today. I honestly don’t care who goes home as long as it’s no one from Sumi. I pray Boris and Zest make it through unscathed

Brianna

Well. Felix and Marie are arguing in the tribe chat...akjawjbeebkebe. All I can say is wow. The non sumi people are literally just...targeting each other??? Why??? Like I was trying to think of plans cuz I figured I’d need to jump off the sumi ship once it was seen as a threat by ratting out zest. But...like. Maybe I’m gonna be sticking with the sumi strong for awhile longer. FlintIt’s shaping up to be the clash of the titans, Marie Vs. Felix this tribal. I’m loyal to a fault so I will most likely stick with Felix but I don’t think we have the numbers to pull it off. However I have been approached with blindsiding Joey by Brianna which is also a strong possibility. It’s gonna be a tough tribal and my vote will remain up in the air until the last minute.

Felix

So much has happened today. I got into a fight with Marie because she is playing a very snake-y game, but she doesn't want to admit it. And I don't know what the Irrelevant people are so up her ass this whole time. Then again, Marie does not realize no one is going to take her to the end if she keeps going like this. Furthermore, I just don't like how she is acting all innocent about all of this. I'm going to take a risk with my idol now too. Lys said he is voting Joey, Apollo said he was voting Joey. I don't trust Apollo for shit, but I do trust Lys and that might be my downfall but at this point it doesn't matter. I just need Boris to come online to confirm to me that Joey is the plan. This has been one hell of a round though.

Lysandre

So it looks like I got what I wanted. Joey is going home and I don't need to use any advantage. Next round it looks Marie is going home and I'm fine with that. She's gotta go eventually right? Felix still trusts me and so does Marie and so does BoPollo so I'm feeling good as gold. The only possible threats to me are about to be eliminated but my eyes are on Apollo, Zest, Brianna.

Apollo

I’m super excited to win immunity, I’m busy all day today. I honestly don’t care who goes home as long as it’s no one from Sumi. I pray Boris and Zest make it through unscathed

Felix

So everyone is voting Joey. I guess that makes my idol play correct then. Hopefully they don't try to back stab me and vote me cause that would be the wrong play. But I'm insinuating that I have an idol that is being played on Joey. So we'll see how this tribal goes. If Tuai is still here, then we did it. If I leave tonight, I died fighting. Let's get this bread!

joey g

so touchy subjects was not kind to me lol. i was sort of hoping people would just see me as a goat after that, but it seems like i’m a target. felix told me to trust him & and i do, so who knows what the hell is gonna happen!! marie is on a crazy power trip so we’ll hopefully take her down this round, otherwise it’s bye bye joey g

marie

I handled that better than I thought I would

zest

ALRIGHT JAY, here is what's up. A few days ago, Apollo told me that Felix was trying to get me or Brianna off the island. NOT CHILL! I feel as though I have played an honest game and been a friendly person. So, this made me sort of sad. But, hey, that's survivor. I do not vibe with the villains of the Mauri Tribe, but, they don't know that. I was also surprised by some of the touchy subject answers as I noticed that I am not on many people's radars. I have been loyal to my bruschetta alliance and I hope to remain that way. Yet, Boris' response to this week's tribal question had me questioning his loyalty to me. I am pretty certain that he and Lysandre are working together. Just from context clues, I have discerned that Lysandre, Boris, and Apollo have either a)played this game before or b)played this game TOGETHER prior to Rotumna. I have to figure out if Boris and Lysandre's friendship is more important than the Bruschetta alliance. It seems to be like that, as Boris has changed since the merge. Apollo doesn't feel he is running this game and he's right, JAY is. Apollo is a great ally and has been an excellent confidant to me during this game. I think he is an admirable player and I hope that he or Boris win this thing. Last night, Apollo and I had a really great conversation about our loyalty to each other. I hope he is being honest and authentic. He is trying to reassure me and I am trying to believe him but it is so hard in this game to do that especially when you aren't in person. I have learned a lot through this entire process and am proud of my growth as a player so far. Trusting people has always been difficult for me. I have been betrayed in the past and that is causing me some anxiety. If Apollo is not being truthful, I will be sincerely hurt. I wasn't expecting this thing to get so intense emotionally. I think I have still a lot of determination to be in this game still and I want to keep competing in challenges. As for the Marie and Felix drama, I think Felix took it WAY too far. I am going to stay out of it because, I really don't want either of them to get to FTC. I have my own strategy and goal for how far I want to get.

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cosmosogler · 7 years ago

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hi guys. today didn’t go much better than yesterday emotionally. i didn’t even get in bed until 11:45. i didn’t get out of bed until after 8. i’m going to try to dial it back again tonight.

last night i dreamed for a long time, but at the end i was in an episode of sherlock. since sherlock stars beneboob cumberbumble i was kind of doing my thing off to the side while everyone interacted with him. i guess i was supposed to be watson, except i was myself and no one addressed me as dr. watson.

he was solving a mystery but i mostly was trying to figure out why there were so many projectors in the room on top of like, old dirty car shells and why the roof was leaking and the walls were water stained. there was a long separate part where i was trying to get produce from the grocery store but it kept rotting before i could get to the cashier to pay for it. and the aisles kept very subtly changing their configuration between getting from the front to the back again.

i love how weird dreams get sometimes but i also kind of hate it when it’s not fun? being unable to memorize the layout of the grocery store was not fun. wandering around a dark house with most of the lights out (except when lit by the projectors) and trying to interact with people when they are all more interested in the condescending asshole wasn’t really fun either.

the kind of, contrast between the warm dark soggy red walls and the cold white-blue projector light was interesting but it also made my eyes hurt. there were screens for a few projectors but not all of them. logically there must have been some kind of video playing but i can’t remember and logic doesn’t always apply in dreams anyway.

anyway i rolled out of bed and was kind of indecisive about whether i wanted to shower or not, even though yesterday i took it as a given. i always shower after my workouts on saturdays. well, “always” as in the last couple weeks since i moved here.

and i figured i might not get an opportunity to shower on sunday or maybe even monday. but i still really just didn’t want to. i did anyway but it didn’t feel good and i got lost in thought for a while.

snoopy really didn’t want to take her meds this morning. she turned her head downward when i tried to get the syringe in her mouth and the goop dribbled onto her bed and then she laid down in it.

i dunno. i just didn’t feel like doing anything all day. the weather outside was starting to look a little dodgy so i figured the corner store would be closed and i wouldn’t be able to get the supplies anyway. i know the grocery store was open but... i just... couldn’t.

i tried to at least do SOMETHING with my time so i listened to taz. i got through a lot. eventually mom called and told me i should get some sunlight before the weather gets too bad to go outside. i told her i really, really didn’t feel like doing anything today. she said to just try.

i thought about it a while. i went to attend to snoopy. she started petting my fingers so i took a video. then i grabbed my water bottle and keys and ipod and went out and walked along the bike path heading south from the apartment complex this time. i ended up in the woods or something. the path crossed a road with no crosswalk so i turned around there to head back about 20 minutes into my walk. 2 minutes into my trip back home it started raining. so that worked out about as well as i could’ve expected.

i actually wasn’t that wet when i got home. my shirt was wet, and the top of my head was dripping, but when i went to blow-dry my hair it was dry around my neck, and my shorts were dry enough to not have to change. i was kind of lucky in that regard. my ipod only got damp.

cat paws look weird without claws. like her fingers just kind of... end abruptly. they look scarred. i’m glad she was comfortable enough that, when i put my hand by her tail, she just reached out and poked me every few seconds.

eating sucked... i didn’t want anything but i knew i had to eat. i’m even hungry now but i still really don’t want to eat anything. i don’t have much here, and i know that doesn’t help my appetite at all, but even thinking about stuff i REALLY like is still more of an “ehh no thanks” feeling.

oh! a joke i made in a discord channel last night got called “autistic screeching” and that felt REAL GOOD let me tell you. i was also offended on behalf of the person whose other joke i had springboarded off of.

a lot of complicated things happened really fast when i talked to the channel’s owner about it. i don’t really feel like recounting it here right now. just, thoughts about how the other people in the channel might take the “screeching” comment, concern about the guy who made the comments, anger about mom and her comments, confusion about why “autistic” and “screeching” get put together so much when i haven’t really met anyone with autism who i would describe as screeching at any point? except when like they are on a roller coaster or getting slammed into the sand by the ocean or something. i am referring to my younger cousins there. except they do not also have autism so that example is even less applicable.

but mostly i came away from that conversation with concern about the rhetoric the others had used to get the guy to “calm down.” i had been asleep during the conversation. but it was mostly comments about how “it was only a harmless joke” or “it was satire.”

that made me raise an eyebrow because it wasn’t really true? i guess “they’re gonna blame the hurricane on them gays” can be considered satire, but i’ve had that literally happen before (not specifically from our fearless leader, but from multiple authority figures, some people just love the sodom and gomorrah story and how it’s about gay people and not about being rude to travelers and those in need of hospitality).

then it made me raise the other eyebrow because that’s word for word the same reason people use to defend weird... extremist views about women or skin color. or bad jokes that are just factually wrong and thus utter nonsense.

that actually almost made me more uncomfortable than the insult itself!

ok i know i said a few paragraphs ago that i didn’t really want to get into it but it felt weird being kind of cryptic and i knew i wouldn’t remember it later so i figured i would write it down now anyway.

asher let me yell about the adventure zone for a little bit today when i got to the, uh, the thing. at the end of the suffering game. you know the one. or you don’t, but you won’t hear it from me. gotta take the plunge if you want that nugget!!!

and now all the episodes for the rest of the campaign (except two) are going to be like 80+ minutes long ughhhhhhhhhh

i also tried to start a conversation with keegan about the weather but it didn’t really take so i gave up. i don’t always know what to say. hard to be casual and make friends with someone when i feel like i have to be extremely careful about how i handle the friendship.

that feeling started before he touched me during the happy hour thing. that was like the second conversation i had with him i was like “oh... gotta watch my step here.”

touched is such a weird word to use. he put his hand on my shoulder is all. i’m nervous... i want to be friends but i don’t want to give the impression that i want to be more than friends, especially since he got a girlfriend. i guess it was a combination of me not finding anything to dislike about him IMMEDIATELY and the sense that he seems to enjoy my company even though we haven’t spoken much.

and enjoying my company is bad!! and stressful!!! i feel confused. i don’t know how to navigate friendships with guys that i just... like. hell i don’t know how to navigate friendships with girls that i just like haha.

girls. women. dudes, guys, boys. men. referring to my peers as adults still feels very foreign to me. possibly because i’ve been a student for so long and i think of students as “boys and girls.” and thinking “those boys” instead of “those men” is a lot less scary.

just. i wish it was easier to divine people’s intentions right away. and to have more control over the way people interpret my behavior.

like... i’ve wanted to be friends with guys before and they just... they think i want to date or something. or i do want to date! but i still don’t want to kiss! and they don’t believe me!!!

that’s happened basically every time i’ve tried to date. i don’t want to do that again. it’s exhausting. and ends badly for me because... well, you know.

sometimes i just wanna play video games and be emotionally honest and not have that attached to crushes or dating ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i guess that was an extremely long and roundabout way of saying i feel nervous and conflicted. and i have a lot of reasons to feel nervous and not enough reasons to feel not nervous.

it’s, like, a little easier to navigate a business/friend relationship with someone like, i guess, taylor. because i caught on to something i don’t like, i guess, vibe-wise. something about the way the other students carry themselves immediately tips me off that i should be kind of guarded around them for now.

with others the instinct to be guarded is there but not the signal. and the disconnect is really weird and trips me up before, during, and after i interact with them. intellectually i know i need to be just as careful around these people while i get to know them, learn their habits and their talking preferences, and figure out how to read them. i guess it’s harder to read people when i don’t get the immediate indication to be kind of curt with them for now and the lack of warning feels like a warning in itself.

it’s... easier to handle when i am established in a student community and some freshmen come in and some seniors leave. being thrown in with ALL new people ALL at once is really hard. and getting to know snoopy on top of that is tiring. i really love snoopy but i still have only known her for four weeks.

tonight i was clicking through some music on youtube and i discovered an OLD FAVORITE!!!! THAT I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

new plan. find that itunes giftcard i had floating around on my desk and buy her album.

... tomorrow.

the music video is hard to watch because of all the powerful bright colors but i really love how the people in the video are just rocking out and having a great time against this horrible flashing gaudy background. so sometimes i like to click over to that tab and watch for a little bit until my eyes catch on fire and i need a break.

i am not sure how to proceed. i do... wish i had a partner. even though i know i would engulf their life with my too-muchness i still get lonely. i don’t get bored the way i used to as a kid, not often at least, which is nice. but lonely i definitely get. and so full of information that i feel like i’m gonna explode. it would be unfair to plow into a single person with the fire hose of my typing speed though. i know that. it is unfair.

but my current combination of close friends and not close friends is not working for me. i feel like i need to get to know all these new people as blisteringly fast as possible so i can go back to having a “normal” social structure in my life. i know from evidence that it takes me at least a year to consider people i see every day as long-term, actual friends. but the impatience is always there.

i guess that screws me in basically every aspect of life. that feeling of “gotta go fast!!!” because i’m gonna die soon! i don’t have forever!!! and i don’t like to be unhappy or in pain so if i can just push through the bad part REALLY FAST maybe i can go back to feeling not horrible!!!!!

that includes having all the bad thoughts at once, naturally. or rushing ahead without all the information (while forgetting that i do not have all the information, so it’s really hard to catch that one).

jumping ahead gets me into trouble a lot, as you’ve seen repeatedly.

i get kind of annoyed with hollywood movies that make everything happen really fast. the protagonist learns something important about a thing and suddenly they have all the skills! it’s annoying because i know it’s not true but it feeds the fast part of my brain and fools it into thinking it can do that too. and then i get frustrated and sad when it does’t work that way.

man, there’s so many ways to interpret my life and feelings. i can’t seem to settle on anything consistent! i talk about being stubborn and preferring to hold onto conclusions i’ve reached and i have so much trouble breaking out of my terrible, terrible social habits. but at the same time, look at this! i can’t pick a way to approach myself!!

my sense of reality is tenuous at best. that’s why i need other people to tell me what’s real. i need other people to tell me what i am because without that i am everything. but then i get contradictory labels from other people too so it’s like, whatever, what’s even the point. you know? please understand. i need someone to understand.

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idealisticrealism · 8 years ago

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Blindspot 2x10 recap

(Aka the one where Patterson suffers more than she ever deserves to, and the team begrudgingly adopts Roman)

So, here I am, back by... well, vague demand... to provide you guys with another overly long and rambly recap. It seems that, regardless of what this show does, I will inevitably have a lot of thoughts and opinions about it-- and surprisingly there's some of you who are actually willing to suffer through reading them haha.

So I hope everyone had a nice hiatus/holiday period, and here goes.

Okay. Shit. I have to say that this show totally got me here with the whole Borden vs Patterson pistol duel. I was convinced that Borden would be the one who was shot, because who the hell would dare harm our precious Patterson?? The writers, apparently. (Sadists, the lot of them). Also to Borden's credit, he does sound genuinely horrified when he realises he’s shot her, and I do really still believe that he truly cared about her. But sigh, way to sink my ship, show. And then ugh my lil baby slumping against the wall and being all “don’t touch me!” and ugh this is the worsstttt

Ok where did Jane spring this fancy-ass car from? Isn't the usual method to go for something old and nondescript that can be hot-wired, rather than something that probably has like inbuilt GPS or something? But ugh anyway poor Roman looks like a freaking mess. But come on, Jane, bringing him in on your own is a terrible idea. The moment he wakes he'll be like a frightened and cornered animal and just lash out. Aaaaand yep, there he goes, with the head-smashing and the almost-shooting. And then he literally goes, tossing himself out of the car. That was kinda cool, tbh. But sigh, Jane honey, mistrust is practically a part of his DNA, of course he's gonna flip out rn. I feel so sad for her though, she's literally always just trying to help and yet only ends up getting beaten and battered because of it (either physically or emotionally) and then abandoned. Ughhhhhh.

Naw Readey baby. I'm so glad you're okay. And apparently enjoying the morphine buzz lol. And aww Zapata has been there watching over him and ugh this friendship is everything

Interesting that when Nas recaps the mission and the explosion to Weller, she doesn't mention that Reade suggested aborting when they lost a cell signal and she was the one decided to press on. Honestly rn I can't tell if her guilt over the dead agents is genuine or she's more upset that Shepherd both outsmarted her and got away. But of course Weller reassures her, because he supports his team no matter what. I just wish he hadn't placed his loyalty in her. Also I know Archie is a fantastic actress but I literally cannot stand the slow, pausing, breathy way she makes Nas speak. It just sounds so stilted and makes it difficult to actually focus on the scene. But I'm sure gonna try and focus because Weller has finally pulled his head out of his butt and is actually making protecting Jane a priority. (Hallelujah). Then he tells Nas they need to find her and she's all "I'm not hopeful"-- and yeah, I bet you're not, lady. You're probably hoping Jane DID die, so there's no one around to stop you manipulating Weller. But ugh the tears in Weller's voice... finally, boy, you're realising just how much you cannot lose Jane. And just bc I’m feeling magnanimous, here's a hint for that thick skull-- it's because you LOVE her, you idiot. Gawd. Anyway, Zapata is once again being cast in to the role of Team Anti-Jane, which is kinda freaking repetitive and annoying, but hey, the writers need to put other characters in opposition to Jane just to make Weller's support of her stand out all the stronger, making us ~love how he fights for her~ so we forget all the times this season he was a complete ass towards her. Like don't get me wrong, I love Jeller, and I actually also look forward to the moment that Zapata and Jane come through this with an even stronger friendship, because that's undoubtedly (or at least hopefully) what this is eventually leading to. But sigh, even though I can somewhat justify Zapata's behaviour as a result of her fear and trauma over the explosion and Reade's injury, I just wish her attitude towards Jane could be a little more nuanced and complex than the current GRRRR JANE'S THE VILLAIN HERE GRRRRR. And Nas doesn't bloody help by planting the suggestion that if Jane returns, it could just be to continue spying on them. Thanks, devil-lady. Next time I'll ask if I want your input. But aaaaaaaanyway, I'm gonna move on from that and instead cry a lil bit over "Jane was-- Jane is loyal." Oh, son. Took you long enough, you giant idiot. She just had to almost die for you to get there. And then ugh next thing we know Jane's being dragged into the bullpen and ughhhhhh "Please I just need to see if they're okay" aND UGH SHE LOVES THIS TEAM SO MUCH IT HURTS ME, she loves them even despite how poorly they've treated her lately (yes, they had ~some~ reasons, but seriously). And then ughhhhh Weller is charging over there like an enraged bull and I love that for a moment Jane doesn't know if he's angry at the guards or her but then he demands the cuffs to be taken off her and ughhhh she has a second of relief before she's apologizing over and over and desperately telling him that she didn't know-- bc lbr, from her past experience she would totally expect to be blamed for this, and she's not wrong (lookin' at you, Zapata and Nas). And then Weller PULLS HER IN FOR A HUG and she's all ??????? because whaaaat? Affection and reassurance?? What are these strange things?? But ugh the way her eyes close and she sinks into him for a second ughhhh I JUST WANT JANE TO FEEL SAFE AND LOVED AT ALL TIMES PLEASE. THIS IS ALL I WANT. But lol he tells her that they understand and there's a little camera cut to both Nas and Zapata who are very dubious as to whether they do understand and sigh I can practically read the rest of the season's theme in just this few seconds of footage. But anyway then ugh there’s Jane's distress when she sees that not all the team is there-- the terror that they might have been hurt and just ughhhhhhhhhh. Also thanks for that totally wooden-sounding line about Reade's surgery, Zapata. I’ve decided I'm going to interpret the stiltedness of Audrey's normally flawless delivery as her not approving of her own character's attitude lol. But anyway Jane drops the Borden bombshell (naww, she says "he doesn't work for us", because she's on their side and always has been and ughhhhh) but anyway everyone has a collective "oh shit" moment as they realise Patterson and Borden are both AWOL. And then Jane brings up Roman and then has to explain what happened to her (that's right, guys, Shepherd planned to make her watch you die because she knew that YOU ARE ALL* (*minus Nas) JANE'S FAMILY AND LOSING YOU WOULD DESTROY HER. CAPICHE??? Ugh. But ugh Jane tells them everything Roman saving her and then about zipping him etc. And sighhh Zapata's got her angry pants and Jane-glare on yet again, but again I'm going to put it down to fear for her friend's life because that's the only way I can justify it without getting annoyed by it lol

Aaaaaahhhhh my baby Patterson. Waking up with your wound apparently fixed by the very man who shot you. Interesting that it seems (from the DWB thing) that he was officially trained in general practice/family medicine, and yet can also apparently do the job of a psychiatrist, AND perform surgery. Amazing. Such skills. Also okay I have to say some things bc I have such an issue with this bullet wound. Like people always seem to get shot in the abdomen in movies and shows (even like Jane did at the start of the season), and it's always all "oh it's okay, the bullet missed vital organs" but like uhhhmmm you know what fills up like the entire abdomen?? Bowel. You know what has a ton of blood supply that bleeds like mad, and also contains bacteria that can easily kill you if it gets into your bloodstream? Bowel. Ugh. And don't even get me started on how unsterile this whole environment is. But aaaanyway, it's tv and therefore she's totally fine and dandy rn, even magically managing to pull the IV from her arm with zero bleeding and disconnect the other end from the bag without it immediately gushing all over the floor. Maaaagic. Still, the fact that she's planning on strangling Borden with an IV line is pretty badass haha. Tbh the tubing would probably snap, but whatever. And then aaaaaaahhhh Shepherd is there and Borden tries to bargain for Patterson's life, even though all it achieves is torture rather than death. Welll.... you tried?

Meanwhile the team's still searching for Roman, and Weller comes into the lab where Zapata and Jane are already running a search, standing on opposite sides of the table. Mmm, symbolic. I wonder if they spoke at all?? Did Jane try yet again to explain herself, to beg forgiveness even though her crimes are long since paid for and now she has nothing at all she needs to be forgiven for? Sigh. But anyway, Zapata used her hacky skills to use Patterson's system to track Roman's phone. And finally he answers and is all ??!!!?????!, which is fair, and ugh my little crazy puppy is more like a little lost puppy at the moment. I kinda wish Jane had told him his name was Ian rather than Roman, tbh. But ah well. Then Roman gives very vague directions for where he is (seriously, man, you could be a lot more specific) and ugh he's just such a mess rn. He's actually literally like a puppy, and can’t concentrate on anything but the most basic of needs and sensations. Naw my baby

Ughhhh poor baby Patterson, suffering though both physical pain and emotional heartbreak. I had such high hopes for you two. And then ugh "everything I did was for my late wife" and lol Patterson and I have the exact same reaction: "just what every girl wants to hear" lol. Ugh, my poor baby. Borden truly seems a little unhinged rn, which is so sad. I miss my beautiful sweet cinammon roll of a man. I miss the Borden from our fics, the sweetheart who is as loyal to the team as any of them, who uses his training to help them and his empathy to support them. That Borden is long gone, now. But omg Patterson "Oh I'm sorry. Your side sounds really cool, so you should just go ahead and untie me, because I'm converted" lolll. That’s my lil sassmaster. And then in the other room Shepherd’s finding out that Roman's been zipped and wow this show is really enjoying these dramatic sharp-closeup camera shots rn lol

Ugh Roman's exchange with the little girl. Slightly disturbing with the whole fork thing (though lbr I'm not a huge fan of kids messing with my stuff either lol) but kind of sweet in a sad way when he asks if he knows her. He's searching for any connection and is so saaaaad. And then all the 'hunters' (haha, get it? Coz they’re hunting him?) come in and wow that's a lot of practically identical looking dudes haha. It's like a camo print and baseball cap convention in here. And he gets the lady and the kid out but there are other customers in this place, what about them? You can see them in the background briefly but there’s never any screaming from terrified bystanders when the shooting starts lol. But ah well, mere details. Thankfully Jeller arrive in time to be part of the shootout, which ends when Roman stabs the guy who's shooting at them in the neck. Which is a lil vicious, maybe, but let's not forget Jane nearly choked a guy to death on her first day out of the bag. These two seriously have both survival instincts and protective instincts up the wazoo. Granted, him more on the former and her more on the latter, but still.

Ugh and now Roman's cuffed in the interrogation room and Jane is upset about it and Zapata's like "Reade's injured bc of him" which is not entirely unreasonable since Roman WAS the one that got all the explosives and helped set up the trap, so.... but then Nas, in her usual manipulative way, supports Jane-- bc while she agrees Roman is ‘the enemy’, she still wants to use him and she knows a gentle approach is the best way to do that. Wow, snake-lady, Weller sure picked a winner for his rebound. Well done, my idiot son, I’m surprised she hasn’t bitten your head off during sex yet. But anyway speaking of idiots, now they're all telling Jane she has to lie to Roman about zipping him, because even though they vilified her for lying to them (when she did it to try to PROTECT them), they're suddenly fine and dandy with lying when it serves their own purpose. And yes, I can understand their perspective-- Roman might be their only way to save Patterson. But Jane lying to him now is eventually going to destroy anything she builds with him in the future. And my, my, doesn't this all sound familiar?? Then she goes in there and ugh my poor lil puppy is still so lost. And she promises that the team can help him like they helped her and tbh part of me is kinda dubious about that, especially the whole "they helped make me feel full again", given how they've treated her this season... but at the same time it is also kinda true bc in S1 they gave her a purpose and a 'family', and at least in S2 so far she has still had the purpose part. Plus, she says 'helped', indicating that they weren't solely responsible for making her feel full again. I think a lot of that she did herself, just with assistance from Weller and the team and a little from Oscar and Roman and Oliver and basically anyone that she connected with even briefly. But still, the fact that she lies to someone she loves because the team made her is upsetting to me...

Speaking of upsetting, Shepherd's getting her torture on. Although honestly, as far as torture goes, this is pretty weak. All talk and no action, really. Like yes, a perforated eardrum hurts. But like Shepherd herself says, it does heal. Which was obviously what the writers were aiming for, because it's Patterson, and you can't permanently injure her or disfigure her since she's a series regular. But dude this torture is actually kind of embarrassing. People can perforate their eardrums just from cleaning their ears. Such a minor injury is hardly effective torture. And reinserting the needle in the same ear, trying to get her to suddenly break and talk? Completely pointless. If she was serious about torturing Patterson, she'd take an eye. Or smash her fingers, like she vaguely threatens to do but doesn’t ever get close to doing. Or if she wanted to keep her hands intact (ie, she wanted to use Patterson for her skills later) she could rip off fingernails or toenails. Cut off toes. Slice a bunch of cuts into her body. Break her legs. Poke her in her wound. There are literally so many ways to inflict pain on someone, and the fact that Shepherd supposedly chose this one only is just too ludicrous for me to believe. I mean c’mon, writers. As much as I would have hated seeing Patterson hurt, YOU chose to put her in that position, so you at least do it right...

Awwwww Roman's in the magic lie detector machine and he looks so sad and worried and Jane's there watching over him and ughhhh he just wants to help her and have her approval and ughhh my puppyyyy. Then Nas just ups and leaves partway through and Jane chases after her but Nas just shuts her down, then basically outright says that it's Jane's fault that they can't find Patterson. At least Weller hears that and very obviously dismisses Nas before reassuring Jane, clearly seeing how much she blames herself. And okay it's out of frame but from the way his body moves he definitely seems to put his hand on her upper arm and ugh FINALLY, BOY. FINALLY SUPPORTING HER IN THE WAY SHE DESERVES. And then as he walks off, Jane's left there all overwhelmed bc of guilt/worry over Patterson, the anger from the others, Kurt suddenly being on her side again (she's forgotten what that felt like, I bet), and also the fact that she now lied to Roman for no reason, since he wasn't able to help them find Patterson anyway. Sigh. I wish she had just gone back to the room and told him the truth right then, explained as best she could and apologised. Maybe it would have worked.

Interesting that Weller sent Nas off like a good minute before he headed to the lab, but they both walked in at the same time. Did they have a conversation outside? Did she linger around the corner and listen in on what he said to Jane? Or idk whatever lol, it’s tv. And so now we find out that Sandstorm has communicated in some kind of code that they need to crack, and one second Nas is all "oh shucks this is very complicated it might take weeks" and then the next she's suddenly like "wait look at that random book in this miraculously appearing photo, that could be the key to a book cypher!" Like wow, writers. You really didn't put much work into that one, did you? Like I understand there are time constraints involved with an episode but seriously that was just embarrassingly convenient. And then the ridiculous way Nas was all "okay so if we convert this and do that, it just might-- oh it worked!" Oh geez. C’mon. Give us a little credit here. On a brighter note, props to the other Laura (gypsyscarfwoman) who I believe noticed the book a few eps ago and commented on its possible significance given that it's the history of Rome and there's been strong Roman themes (hehe) in this season.

Oh look who it is, Mr Director Man, my initial fave choice for the mole. Still disappointed about that, though lbr he's still being shady enough that he could still be up to something. Also wow is it midlife crisis time or something bc his haircut looks like that of a teenage boy who’s trying to get in with the 'in crowd' lol. But then he basically tells Nas to piss off and I instantly take back anything bad I ever said about him. Forgive me, Pelly. Your hair looks great and your suit is the most dapper of all. You are the bestest and I thank you for freeing me of Nas She-Demon Kamal and also for rightly ascribing (at least partial) blame to her for the deaths of those agents in the explosion. Now, if only Weller would shut up and stop trying to get her to stay, that would be great. Gotta say, it's really not fun to see him trying to protect her, bc it kinda lessens all the times he did the same for Jane. But whatevvvs, I'm terrific at only seeing what I want to see, so consider the Weller parts of this scene zipped from my memory lol

Great, we're back at the useless torture, and clearly Patterson is as impatient with it as I am lol. And daaaamn she's dropping some truth bombs about the lack of loyalty amongst Shepherd’s followers haha. But seriously if Shepherd lets THAT get to her, she's not the terrifying warlord she was made out to be lol

So they've cracked the code, brought in the chick that owns the garage at the listed location, and now they're making a whole lot of impossible threats (Gitmo? Really Tasha?) before she admits she provided a getaway car to Borden. A car that was fortunately VERY distinctive and able to be picked up on traffic cams. So handy.

Lol Shepherd is still in the midst of a tantrum and decides that Patterson has to die. Well, that was several hours wasted for nothing then haha. Borden convinces her to let him kill her, and I'm stunned to see that he's actually about to go ahead with it. Also shaking my head at the fact that the tourniquet is improperly positioned and not tight enough (though it appears to be wrapped around a fake bit of arm so whatever), and the fact that he inserts the wrong type of needle that shouldn't already be attached to a tube, plus he does it without palpating the vein, and seems to think he needs a whole bag of saline to prove that the vein is patent rather than just a quick 5ml flush. Sigh. But anyhow while he’s farting around, Patterson is doing such a good job of talking him out of it, and he admits that part of him loves her (*wails*). And then when he hears the team’s car he holds her hand for a sec and tells her goodbye and ugh dammit you two. We could have had it aaaaaaalllllll

And so the cavalry has arrived but run into a bit of a bit of a dilemma of their own, the car flipping when they hit a damn landmine. The most shocking bit of the whole thing, though, is that Zapata jumps straight out from the back and runs to Jane's door, frantically asking if she's okay before calling Weller over to help free her. Is this a weirdly written backflip of her attitude or is this her real regard for Jane breaking through the anger that had been masking it? Personally I hope it's the latter, bc I've always liked to think that Zapata does care about Jane, and needs her, because right now she needs an outlet for all her negative emotions and (unhealthy as it is) she knows Jane will bear it, will be that proverbial punching bag for her because JANE knows she needs it (and knows that it isn't actually about her specifically at all). Hopefully it's a situation that doesn't last much longer as Zapata eventually finds better outlets (and apolgises her ass off to Jane). I just really need Zapata and Jane to be buds again. Sigh. But anyway ugh Weller pulls her out and they're clinging to each other for a sec until she sees Borden bolting for the trees and Weller takes off in pursuit. Really, son? It's like a bear trying to run down a cheetah. But sure, knock yourself out. Meanwhile I'm more excited to see the ladies save their other lady friend and ugh my precious babies. Even if Zapata and Jane are at odds rn, they can agree they both love Patterson and would do anything for her. #TeamBlindspotLadies

So somehow Weller caught up to Borden (I suppose it’s true cheetahs aren't great over long distances) and now they're getting into a punch-up, and while I can believe Borden probably got some martial arts training after joining Sandstorm-- possibly from Remi herself-- I still struggle to believe that he would ever win this fight. I did pause it at a hilarious spot just now though where there's just an upside down foot about to smack into Weller's face haha. And then Borden manages to cuff Weller's hand to his ankle, which is amusing but I definitely call bullshit, because anyone that’s been anywhere near handcuffs would know they would definitely not fit around a grown man's leg, especially not over his trousers. Not a chance. But whatever haha. And then ugh he says that Borden can't shoot him and he's all "not yet" and ugh remember when these two were buds?? Guys that would talk about sports during Weller's sessions but then Borden also always listened when he needed to talk about his dad or Taylor or whatever? I am so sad we lost that. Goddammit writers why couldn't you have just listened to me and made Pellington the mole. I guess I have to be thankful that at least it wasn’t Tasha...

Noooo Pellington stay away from Roman!!! Stop hurting my baby pupppyyyyyy. Ugh and now there's the tears and the yelling and damn I am impressed with Luke Mitchell rn. He's absolutely killing it this ep. And then aaaaahhhhhh Pellington is gonna send him to the CIA to be tortured just like Jane and okay I take back all the nice things I said about you earlier, getting rid of Nas doesn;t make up for hurting my puppy. But ughhh Weller and Jane stand together against him, and then Weller threatens to quit if Roman is taken away (ugh the way Jane looks at him when he says that, just let me die right now). But I wonder if Weller’s threat is just because he knows Pellington doesn't want to have to find a replacement, or if he's starting to suspect that Pellington might have other reasons-- possibly Sandstormy reasons-- for wanting to keep him in that role??? And then ugh he argues to keep Nas, and while that initially bugged me earlier (I'm sure it's rather clear by now that I'm less than a fan of her, and especially of her thing with Weller), his language actually makes it clear that he wants her back because her needs her knowledge of Sandstorm, and doesn't think he can figure them out and catch them without her. And with that lightbulb moment, I'm back to being just a little less displeased with Weller. Not overly happy with how he's suggesting to use Jane and Roman's connection to get info, but then Pellington is pretty ruthless in his methods so Weller probably has to pretend to be that way too, even if he's planning on doing things differently. But dude, he is so setting himself up to be screwed over, and when that inevitably happens (*cough* when Nas betrays the team *cough*) Jane is the one that's gonna be there, picking his ass up off the ground. Because she loves him, and helping others is just what she does. Also ugh Jane with her hand on Roman's shoulder while he looks down at her... I can't even deal with these two.They are my babies and i love them

Firstly, I love Reade's apartment and I want it. Secondly, hmmm, a patient who had major vascular surgery going home the same day as he had his operation? Yeah, nope. Not ever. But again, tv land, so.... *shrugs*. The teasing Reade and sarcastically caring Zapata is so great until bam! the world's most unwanted kiss bursts awkwardly into the scene. Oh Gero. Gero, Gero, Gero. WHATREUDOIN. I seriously hope that this kiss-- and her reaction to it-- was just a way to get the "will they get together?" question completely out of the way by giving it a resounding no. Although lbr I don't trust the writers not to create a scene later where Zapata comes to Reade and is all "I was too scared to admit it to myself but I know now I'm desperately in love with you, let's ride off into the sunset together". Which would be THE WORST. Honestly like 99% of the time I am like YESSSS GIVE ME ALL THE ROMANCE but this has just never been a romantic ship to me. This has always been two people who love each other because they are BEST FRIENDS, regardless of the fact that they have different sets of genitals. And it's not just bc I want Reade and Sarah to find each other again, or to see Zapata fall for the 'forgetful terrorist' that she currently dislikes so much. It's because Zapata and Reade's friendship has always been one of the most beautiful and powerful parts of the show, and to imply that that kind of connection can only be had if you're also getting naked together... well that just pisses me off, because it cheapens the whole thing. So quit it, Gero. This is a ship that should never sail, okay??? Let's hope Zapata sticks to her guns and Reade realises that they never would have worked and they both just agree to forget it ever happened

Ughhhhh Jane bringing Roman food and reassuring him that it's all only temporary and then giving him the coooooin and ugh their haaaaaands and the "we'll figure it out together" and aaahhhhhhhh save meeeeeee

And then ughhh here's my next favourite brother-sister relationship, with Weller bringing sunflowers to Patterson who is talking adorably loudly and ugh he gets choked up as he gives them to her and he tries to encourage her to rest but lets her show him what she found anyway bc he knows she needs it and so she shows him the article about Borden's death-- or rather, Nigel's death (lol Nigel Thornton just makes me think of Nigel Thornberry. Smashing.) But ooooh that was clever by the writers--- this ep is titled "Nor I, Nigel, AKA leg in iron". Which could be interpreted as Nigel having his leg in irons, aka being trapped. Shackled. Like they're implying Borden was kind of 'chained' to Sandstorm, with no chance for freedom. Also she insults Borden's medical school which upon googling doesn't appear to be a real one, so that makes me wonder if Hardyshire is a name or a brand that one of the writers doesn't like or something haha, and it's their own little in-joke lol. Then she talks about the book code and he asks how she knows and she says “come on, I read the notes" which I do not understand? Which notes? And then Weller FINALLY gives her the phone belonging to the Sandstorm contact (still betting it was Remi) and lol after Patterson splutters about having "all of the questions" they easily decrypt it with the book key. And so they immediately find a video file (is there more on the phone or just that one file?? Will we see more next week?? It occurs to me now that I haven’t watched the promo yet lol). But yeah what is this leopard thing???? I always thought her neck seemed strangely uneven by just having the bird on one side. So I assume they scrapped the leopard tatt, right? Like didn't do it at all rather than it being in invisible ink or something. Which means that maybe Sandstorm thought it was somehow too revealing, like it could tie back to them somehow? Or maybe whatever the tatt was about is no longer an issue? Or something???? (also did you notice how well behaved I was just now and didn't make a single comment on Jane's great butt haha)

So sandstorm is altering Phase 2 but Weller's role in it is still important. BUT WHAT IS ITTTTTT GERO JUST TELL US

Awwww nooo my baby Roman is having his first mempory, but it's an awful one (statistically, I guess that makes sense, given so much of his life has been awful). But ughhhhh idc if he was a terrorist before I just wanna give him a huggggggg

#Blindspot #Blindspot recap #Jeller #ngl I kinda forgot I did these for a minute #good luck wading through this mess of feels and thoughts tho lol

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