#I NEED TESTOSTERONE
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fuck... even though i got my injection at the right time i feel angry and like ive been stabbed in the guts. its hard to walk
#why does this happen#i shouldn't be bleeding if im supposedly not injured#tw period#surely this is just a bizarre mutation that happened at some point in human history#no animal benefits from bleeding everywhere and being in too much pain to move#and when it happens to me...#it feels unnatural#this should not happen#my body is violating me#im trapped in a womans body#everytime this happens i barely get out alive#tw suicide#before my medication for it#it was just a monthly suicide attempt#i have panic attacks every time#its not worth living if my body is going to force me into womanhood#i know im a man#but i still feel trapped in this body#i need surgery#i need testosterone#i need a male body#oh god my chest is swollen too#i feel mutilated by puberty#thats the only word to describe how i feel
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HEHEHE HOWS IT FEEL TO BE THE MOST HIMBO OUT OF ALL US ????/aff
SCREAMING CRYING 😭
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hhnngg....i wan...t.....testosterone........ooöuugh..
#uvoidrants#ftm#i NEED testosterone#ok so 10 pounds of testosterone#18 poungs of mints#n 7 tranmds gener stripers#but make sure none of em are white i cant see the t on them if they r
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I want to be a bear sooooo bad
Let me be a bear
I would look sooo good, pretty and hairy and strong and chubby and hot. But I'm literally 155cm tall and hairless, and people just think I'm a fat girl (not like there is anything wrong with that, but I'm not one). I just want to go into a gay bar and make people sweat a bit because my luscious tummy hair is showing from my crop top, and I look like I could bench press them. Is that too much to ask for
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wanna sleep but in too much pain aughhhhhhh. i deserve to be tucked in and kissed on the forehead. maybe even given a snack.
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forgot what it felt like to sit back and watch your body slip away from you via dysphoria... my voice is already softening and i can access almost all my original falsetto
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in the mood to steal testosterone just because I don’t wanna hear my voice anymore. Fucking hate speaking
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#martymctboy#tdickposting#autoandrophilia#forcemasc#boy hypno#testosteroticism#transmasculinity#fuck i need testosterone#can't wait for my gf to suck my tdick
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[ID: Drawings of Martin Blackwood from The Magnus Archives on gray backgrounds. He is a fat white man with freckles, dull red hair with white streaks, and a matching beard. His eyes are a pale gray.
The first image is two headshots of him making a disappointed expression. He is wearing round glasses and a white collared shirt. The first drawing shows him with his hair down in a mullet style, bangs falling over his eyes, and the second shows his hair slicked back with only a couple strands hanging down.
The second image is a full-body drawing of him in a three-piece suit. It is a very dull blue. He is also wearing matching shoes and a pale gray tie, and his glasses are drawn gold. He also has a gold chain hanging from his vest pocket. He is standing with one hand in his pocket, the other adjusting his jacket. His hair is slicked back, and he is looking over his shoulder with a neutral expression.
The last image is just Martin's eyes over the seasons. Seasons 1-3 (one drawing) are a rich brown, and his eyebrows are bright red. The expression is wide and friendly. Season 4's pair is a pale gray with pupils frosted over, and the eyebrows are the duller red. The expression is tired. Season 5's are the rich brown with bright red brows, but with a ring of gray around just the pupil of the eye. The expression is annoyed, eyes rolling. end ID]
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finally finished the lonely martos. enjoy his hairline
#fg's art#the magnus archives#tma#martin blackwood#i feel like i need to recede it More especially in the middle#he jokes that testosterone gave him all that body hair but it had to take it from his hairline#also the hairline isn't. strictly a lonely thing btw. he's been like this the whole time#it's not a symbol of his deterioration it's just How He Is
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I find it a bit strange how it's okay and normal to say trans men have 'afab privilege' but if you say trans women have 'amab privilege', that's bad and wrong and incorrect and also maybe you should kill yourself. strange stuff
somehow trans men were 'socialised female' and therefore can 'get away with being women' but trans women were not 'socialised male' and can't 'get away with being men' cos there's something inherently feminine, inherently queer about them.
though, i spent my whole life being called gay, getting asked if i was a butch lesbian, getting asked if i was a tranny, cos i wore pants [girls!] instead of skirts, cos i wore shirts [girls!] instead of blouses, cos i wouldn't wear dresses and would prefer [girls!] formal wear that weren't dresses, cos i liked bionicle instead of dolls, cos i played video games, cos i swore, cos i liked heavier music, cos my favourite colour wasn't pink, cos i wore caps. i would not say i fit into girlhood at all, actually.
but this masculinity was inherent to me, it still is, i couldn't and can not change it (despite trying, very hard, to my detriment) so i ALWAYS stuck out as being 'too masculine' for other girls. and then i come into queer spaces and i'm 'too masculine' for other queer people - but that's besides the point, currently.
so, currently, when i see people say 'trans women aren't "socialised male," that's not real, they always stick out as "other"' and then turn around and say 'trans men have afab privilege, they can be women to get away with things, they fit into girlhood so well' I can't help but become incredibly fucking frustrated. this is not true and actually it's something we have in common! neither of us were socialised 'correctly' cos we're both trans and raised amongst peers who were not trans!
everything from masculine girls to trans men do not fit into 'girlhood' cos masculinity is not what girlhood is meant to be. this shouldn't be hard to grasp. this is why the 'socialised' concept is bullshit cos it's founded on whatever was forced upon you as a kid and if you don't fit that standard you will not be socialised that way due to, in large part, being fucking ostracised from everyone else. and that doesn't mean there won't be things to unlearn, i know very many trans men who were very feminine for a long time and the opposite for trans women, but someone who clearly cannot fit what's being pushed onto them is going to come off as 'strange' and 'uncanny' to the people who can fit into what's pushed onto them.
but the way people talk about this really highlights to me that yous don't want to consider us trans in the first place - transness is for trans women and not for trans men, socialisation concepts are fake when it comes to trans women but real when it comes to trans men cos they're not really trans, 'amab privilege' would get you branded a TERF or radfem saying it to a trans woman but it's fine to say trans men, trans men have 'afab privilege' cos we're not trans, we're just women. you know until we get a little too rowdy and then we're not trans, we're just men.
maybe i'm just jaded and bitter. idk
#transandrophobia#hopefully this makes sense i need to go put my testosterone on and i'm hungry. lol#i also think a lot of you think trans men speaking up for themselves means that trans women will get less now. which is not true#i ALSOOOOO think a lot of you think there is things that are inherent to 'boyhood' and 'girlhood' despite not believing in 'socialisation'#like you still deeply believe there's a right and wrong way - inherently - to be a boy or girl#when it's actually just all made up#but that's another essay for another time
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The interesting thing about medically transitioning is how you might just be treated with the wrong framework.
When I get my hormone levels checked, for instance, they check it against the wrong type of person, so everything is flagged. Did you know that testosterone encourages hemoglobin production? Well, my hemoglobin is perfectly in line with male levels, but my levels are checked for the wrong endocrine system. Before I realized this, I was really confused as to why my hemoglobin was two grams over the range given, and was confused as to why that happened, and worried about if I should be worried about that. But it was a normal consequence of my testosterone levels, which are also flagged though they are well-within the range that is typical for my age and health categories.
The way we treat and measure for trans people and trans patients will affect the treatment and education they receive. There are ways in which hormones especially can influence how one's body operates, and with that in mind, you also have to change the way you interact with a trans person. With my testosterone levels, if you were to measure them against the incorrect endocrine system, you would fail to treat me in reality - that being the way my body has changed and maintained homeostasis since being on T.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#trans medicine#i still need to get my levels checked but i've been busy#but since going on T they have been very satisfactory#like even going 'they should go on assigned sex' wouldn't work for somebody like me.#like. i am still on testosterone. and it's changed me and my body. therefore the way i am treated and measured ought to reflect that#hemoglobin is a fun word to say though. try it. say it. out loud. say it (are you afraid.)#i use myself again as an example because i think that experience perfectly encapsulates my frustrations
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let trans men&mascs romanticize testosterone.
keep your “you’re not going to look like an anime boy or whatever, you’re just going to look like your dad” to yourself.
keep your “but what about the balding and the acne and the anger problems and the gross hair everywhere and the horrible painful bottom growth and and and” to yourself.
keep your “once you look like a man you will scare people and you can never stop thinking about that” to yourself.
keep your “testosterone is poison and don’t you dare even suggest that saying that might hurt you” to yourself.
we are not obligated to take on your fears and traumas around testosterone as our own, nor are we obligated to let them influence our relationship with it.
we are not obligated to sit here in a world that heavily restricts and constantly threatens our access to it and listen silently as you contribute to stigma around it.
we’re already tired of watching cis society as a whole try to rip it away from us; we don’t need fellow trans people and supposed allies giving credence to their cause.
for many of us testosterone is life-saving medicine, it’s liquid gold, it’s the nectar and ambrosia of the fucking gods.
is it so hard to just let us have that? to let us believe that and say it and celebrate it without being given a million reasons to question it? is that really too much to ask?
if you can find it in your heart to let other trans people romanticize their transitions, i promise you can let us do it to.
testosterone is a beautiful thing. it makes people hotter and even more importantly it makes them happier and anyone who wants it should be able to have it because it’s so life-changing and magical and wonderful and incredibly important to so many people who deserve the happiness it offers.
#got some screenshots from a post talking about the whole ‘testosterone is poison’ thing#and it just 100% confirmed to me that it’s so much more than the ‘just venting’ people try to play it off as#and im just thinking a lot about how all these things are tied together now#how so many people including people in our own community are committed to making us feel bad about wanting/needing t#i’ll probably post those screenshots at some point but for now here’s this#posts about t always seem to get people Passionate so uh. wish me luck#love when the stuff i need to live a happy life is also like. one of the most controversial and hated substances ever apparently#transandrophobia#transandromisia#transmisandry#virilmisia#virilphobia#anti transmasculinity#trans men#transmascs
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the day my body hair stops getting thicker i will be ending it all btw
#testosterone please. i need more#i’m hairy but i want to be furry and i think my chest hair has a ways to go
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v1 gives the most painful t shot ever, asked to leave hell
continuation of this sketch
#ultrakill#gabriel ultrakill#v1 ultrakill#ultrakill v1#ultrakill gabriel#ultrakill fanart#ultrakill art#gabv1el#v1/gabriel#cw syringe#artists on tumblr#radio's art#my art#i need a robot partner that gives me my testosterone#(projects onto these idiots)#hello lgbt community#im really not happy with the proportions of his chest but i could not spend more time on this stupid lil sketch
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