#I LOVE GETTING TO WRITE ABOUT A/BEL

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

random hcs ask for abel this time:

worst trait.

best trait.

how aware of its nature is it?

does it feel any type of way about being a demon?

it is morally bankrupt. but does it realises so or is it simply a foreign concept?

═══ HEADCANON INQUIRIES ═══

Worst Trait

---Oh man this one is always hard for me to answer because of how A/Bel's...existence works. I've written this before but I'll just put it here: A/Bel is fundamentally inhuman, so its difficult to answer this as it ultimately doesn't really hold views that humans could hope to understand. Many villains are driven by something easily comprehensible to the human mind; love, power, safety--things everyone of us has felt at least once in our lives. A/Bel, though, is a demonic entity. It doesn't care about any of the things we care about and doesn't have any human motives--it can't. To it, humans are material to be used; meat. Hell--to say A/Bel views humans as a human views something like a cow is even an overstatement; humans are inherently compassionate--we are loving, we feel sympathy when we look into an animal's eyes, even if we've consumed it at a prior time. A/Bel is incapable of this, it doesn't have the necessary function in its mind to have that same level of connection. It can understand why that connection exists, but only in the same way a computer program understands code. It cannot feel it, it can only have the knowledge of it. To A/Bel, humans are like ants being paved over for new sidewalk--our deaths are inconsequential to it and it's sole purpose is to devour, to eat.

That was somewhat long winded, but I think its important to explain that speaking in human terms of morality-- everything A/Bel does is horrible and bad from the root of its actions. It manipulated and used its knowledge of the human psyche to exploit a grieving child before securing said child as a food source until death--and even then it will not let go. It dons aesthetics that, at the very end, will fade into nothing too; and those aesthetics only have one purpose--to give its vessel the slowly dwindling hope that a human could ever connect with it. That the weeks, months, years, and entire lifetimes MEANT something to it; right? Otherwise why would it stick around? But it doesn't...and its impossible. Hell it even uses Robin's late father's voice.

Robin, in himself, is the representation of how in the grand enormity of a compassionless existence--we do not matter to beings that fall outside of our own way of thinking. To any human, Robin's story is deeply traumatizing and horrendous, it naturally incites compassion and the want to protect. To a creature like A/Bel? Robin's vulnerability is the perfect nesting ground to burrow, and a canvas to create even more horror within...and everything about that is wrong.

So trying to grade his worst trait through the eyes of a human is difficult. Its actions and reasoning is so outside of human perspective I couldn't even try to understand it. The only thing I could ever say as worst is...all of it.

Best Trait

I alluded to this in another answer but I can put that here too and expand on it: Due to Abel coming into Robin's life at the ripe age of 15 - it has actually influenced quite a lot of his personality as, despite knowing better, Robin did naturally place Abel into the "family" compartment in his mind. It wasn't as though he had much choice. It walked beside Robin for an entire decade before both of their lives ended at the same time, but Abel - shockingly - used the last bit of its power to partially revive Robin in an act of mercy/love/survival (?) and it still doesn't know why it did such a thing.

It also, and this is very important: IT DOES NOT SABOTAGE HIM AS MUCH AS ONE WOULD THINK. I'd actually go as far as to say that it never does; Robin was never actually influenced by Abel once the contract was put into place. It did not ignite his obsession with getting his family back or his fall into darker magic, and it doesn't really push him to continue down the path he was on. It works to make Robin comfortable and happy in order to protect its meal, and gives Robin the means to an end to do certain things.

I would even argue to say that it has helped Robin in ways since it practically helped raise him. It was the influence he needed, weirdly enough. It comforted him, cooked him meals, taught him how to be confident - sure this all came from a place of selfish need for its meal but.... It did put legitimate effort into the act, it worked hard to make him feel safe, to make him happy (or what it could define as happiness since it cannot understand complex emotions), and to kindle his mind.

How aware of its nature is it?

Extremely. A/Bel and Robin both never forget what it really is throughout the entirety of their relationship. They don't speak of it outwardly but its something they are both highly aware of, and they do not even pretend otherwise. A/Bel also knows that it is a mask to wear and that its a recombinant lifeform, its a mish-mash of what Bel, the core, knows of humans. Without Robin being alive, A/Bel will also pass leaving just the core behind to continue onto its next meal, it isn't really "alive", it knows this and works hard to keep Robin safe because of it.

That being said, due to this acknowledgment it does keep its guise on VERY heavily towards other people. Humans cannot tell A/Bel is anything but a normal person, maybe a bit bizarre but nothing else. A/Bel is a tool, an instrument and a means to an end. Nothing more, nothing less.

I think this also comes through quite a bit when A/Bel speaks about Robin to others, ever since its conception it has never once called Robin by his name. It usually refers to him as "the boy" or "that one".

Does it feel any type of way about being a demon?

A/Bel is a biological tool, an instrument and a means to an end. Nothing more, nothing less. Despite its mask, intelligence, decision making and personality it is important to remember that A/Bel is just something to be worn and used for this momentary blip in the actual entity's existence. At the root A/Bel has as much individual will as a wrench. So it doesn't really...feel anything about it. Unless wrenches think.

The only time this becomes an actual issue is in modern au. Its been firmly established that A/Bel has returned to due Robin's soul being recycled and him being alive brings A/Bel back as was the basis of their contract, which lasts an eternity. Now its dealing with something it was never supposed to, it knows it died; and it isn't really sure how to..process it. So! It's feelings may change now that it has experienced the terrifying concept that is mortality but that's for the thread to toy with.

As of current its grappling with the issue quietly since it only really has Evelynn to discuss it with. So. Yikes!

It is morally bankrupt. but does it realise so or is it simply a foreign concept?

A/Bel, mask and core, cannot really...grasp human feelings in the same way we do, particularly complex ones. It can tell that humans would disagree with its methods but it doesn't understand why, nor does it try to. It also recognizes morally unwell characters and their influence on the world around them, it doesn't know why - again - but it has had conversations with Robin about having relations with more dangerous individuals and why its a bad idea. Ultimately its probably just to serve its need for keeping tis food safe but alas, it serves its function as being what Robin needs.

It is a mask that changes depending on the contract it makes and what its vessel needs, until modern au's explorations are complete this answer is ultimately impossible to come up with as its never had to recognize itself as alive or really think about what life means to it. However I don't think it will ever have the same revelations as @agonizedembrace's Evelynn - it might break its existence if it does. But! That's something to play with more in the future.

[tvrningout-archived]

before i go to bed, i just wanna say that i know i take forever to get writing and messages out, but i always always always am excited to interact with y’all!! i’m always happy when y’all show interest in my characters, when you wanna plot and ship and put in the effort to create a dynamic that we both can yell about!! i always appreciate when y’all reach out for the first time bc i know that’s hard, and i appreciate y’all indulging me when i get an idea stuck in my head!! no matter how long i may take, pls know you guys make being here so fun and rewarding and my snail-like pace is just bc i’m a slow writer with a small social battery!!

[eeriehowl]

interesting how i was obsessed with xanxus, just had a giant crush on him and talked about him all the time....and now, when i got back into this hole, the main thing swirling through my mind is mammon

[gucciwins]

Do you have any plans for anymore bel and Harry one shots or blurbs?

as much as i would love to write for bel and harry forever i don’t have any one shots/blurbs in mind to write for them. love doing small updates but nothing big coming for them anymore.

[blackynsupremacy]

A GLAMOROUS LIFE

boys with small talk and small minds

really don't impress me in bed

she said, "i need a man's man, baby"

diamonds and furs

love would only conquer my head

pairing: nicholas chavez x black!fem!reader

also starring: cooper koch and normani as valerie

summary: it’s the year 1987. you and your best friend, valerie, are rising college graduates and are part of one of the most affluent african american families of the decade. yachts, handsome yuppies, and diamonds, and grand soirées all sound like a ball, but to you, it’s so predictable. especially when it comes to dating. your not-so-friendly personality underneath all of that designer tends to be men repellent, until this one double date valerie sets up with a renowned tennis player and promising law student shifts your entire perspective.

inspo: fresh prince of bel-air, 1x19. cred to @fear-is-truth for the idea of an 80s au.

contains: lots of words, eighties au, reader is a bit toxic, yuppie culture, swearing, rudeness, alcohol consumption, arguing, nicholas gets reader together, enemies to lovers, fluff.

tags: @sabrinasopposite @supaprettyg @camiesully @zombigrlll @ellethespaceunicorn @rosiestalez @afrogirl3005 @afrowrites @elitesanjisimp @jkr820 @simply-the-best23 @gxuxhdjdu @tryingtograspctrl

“valerie, for the love of god, don’t make me go on this date. i swear on daddy’s credit card that i can get you backstage passes for the bad tour. hell, i’ll even let you get with michael if it would change your mind. just please don’t make go on this double date.”

you groan and plead while watching your best friend since birth, valerie hill, primp herself at her pristine, white vanity for a night on the town. she had a date with this tennis player named, cooper koch. apparently he was so talented in the sport, that he was well on his way to the olympics within the next year. valerie mentioned that he was bringing his friend, nicholas. she didn’t really ask about him, what he did, nor if you were down for the double date, so you were practically forced into this. you both were the heiresses of the richest black families in the nation, so going out on dates to the most exclusive and expensive restaurants with the richest bachelors were the norm for you both. for you, the norm was getting so damn predictable. all of the guys you’ve dated in the past only care about two things: getting paid and getting laid. it was enjoyable at first, but as you grew older, you realized that life shouldn’t just be about drugs, money, and sex, it should have some sort of substance, some depth, some purpose. these guys never challenged you. they talk a big game with their cars and lavish spending, but it’s all a load of materialistic bullshit. each time you give them a chance, it’s like you want to put a combination lock on your pussy and forget the numbers. that’s the energy you give out: cold, distant, snarky, rude, anything to get these yuppie ass wannabe’s out of your face.

but here you were, already showered and clad in a cream satin robe with curlers in your hair. valerie was the popular one out of you both. besides studying to take over the family business, she was a model. her face would be on commercials, billboards, and magazines. it’s no wonder why she had a line of men begging to breathe the same oxygen as her. you were studying business as well and in your free time, you would compose new masterpieces on the grand piano you were gifted when you were fifteen after perfecting the instrument since kindergarten. even with the pressure of performances, recitals, and competitions, you grew to love writing a new piece in different styles. your idols consisted of stevie wonder and quincy jones. your parents never really knew, but you were so lucky to have valerie be a support system for your passion.

your inner turmoil was interrupted at the ring of valerie’s telephone to which she picked up and answered with the customary “hello”. your brown eyes peer at her figure as your ears tune into the conversation she’s having.

“hello?… oh, hey, cooper!…uh-huh. yeah, i can’t wait either…oh, is he? well, she’s definitely looking forward to meeting him.” valerie pauses to cut her eyes at you, in which you respond with the rolling of your own.

“okay…yes, three eighty five willard lane is correct. i’ve already told the guard at the gate your names, so just give it to him and you should be good to go. thirty minutes? okay…see you then! ciao for now!” valerie blows a kiss to the receiver with a smile on her made up face and hangs the phone up. she turns to you with those alluring deep, brown eyes that’s captivated so many hearts. with a huff of her breath, she stands up from the vanity stool and saunters over to you, donning a long hot pink sleeveless evening dress that hugged her body just right. it was cut low with diamond straps paired with matching pink opera gloves and an assortment of genuine diamond jewelry that was adorned on her ears, fingers, neck, and wrists. you feel her palms on your shoulders and she gives you a knowing glance.

“i know that you’ve been burned before, but for some odd reason, i got a feeling down in my gut that this guy is exactly what you’ve been looking for. if he’s not what you expect within an hour, we can go home.”

“no bullshit?” you questioned with an arched brow.

“no bullshit, but please try not to have that stank ass attitude at dinner tonight, y/n!”

“i might bullshit on that, valerie. you know when i hear something stupid, my attitude can’t help it. i’ll try for you though! not my best, but i’ll try.”

you retort with a smirk and release yourself from a giggling valerie. you take the last thirty minutes to get ready. you don your white, shimmery strapless evening dress with matching fingerless opera gloves. you perfect your hair and makeup to your liking. to say you looked beautiful tonight was an understatement. you bashfully receive the encouraging compliments from valerie in which you reciprocate the kindness. there’s a knock on the bedroom door and valerie opens it to reveal one of the maids, letting you know that there are two gentlemen in the foyer waiting. your stomach starts to rumble with dread, but then it serves to your memory that you only have to give this man an hour of your time if he’s not up to par, so fuck it, just get it over with.

“ah, shit. is it too late to take back what i said about michael jackson?” you curse under your breath, rolling your eyes slightly.

valerie nudges you playfully, her excitement buzzing in the air, but still some annoyance towards your irritability. “girl, don’t start. they just got here, damn! you’ll never know, you might end up diggin’ on him when the night is over. now haul ass!”

you suck your teeth and quietly retort, “diggin’ my ass.”

you grab your fur boas and designer clutch handbags. valerie takes the lead and you exit her bedroom to descend down the marble staircase of the hill manor. you keep your head down to watch your step, but then you hear a male voice circulating in the room.

“wow, you guys look absolutely stunning. the talk around town certainly don’t do you ladies any justice. pardon my language, but i’d tell those shit-heads to eat every word.”

“oh, my. why, thank you, cooper! you didn’t have to get the flowers, you know.” valerie responds with an elated smile.

you look up to see two handsome, strapping young men in finely tailored suits with one of their hands casually stuffed in the pocket and each with a bouquet of red roses in the other. they were caucasian and stood tall in the six foot one range with dark brown hair. one had curly hair, the other straight. one had brown eyes, the other had green. as valerie scurries down the rest of the stairs to greet the curly haired green eyed suitor with an embrace and peck to his cheeks to graciously receive her roses, you were still a bit reluctant to move any further down the staircase. you swallowed and you slowly follow her path, your sweaty palm smooths your dress down your waist before approaching the man with the scrutinizing, yet amicable brown gaze. you’ve been all too familiar with this look before. that’s how they ease you in. to keep your end of the bargain, you simply flash your award winning smile when he guides the bouquet in your direction with a casual grin on his lips.

“i’m nicholas. nicholas chavez. you must be valerie’s friend—uh, y/n l/n, right? i have to say i agree with cooper here. you look absolutely gorgeous and it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance. these are for you. may i?” he greets with such an air of politeness. well, all of the guys have to with their background before they show their true colors.

“roses? cute. original. sure.” you somewhat dryly respond. you thanked him and took the bouquet in one hand and gave your free hand to his for him to place his lips on the back, your stomach fluttered and your cheeks heated when his eyes nor lips didn’t pull away from you for a second. you pull your hand back before things got too awkward. after valerie calls the maid to put the flowers in a vase of water, she’s already walking out the door on cooper’s arm, leaving you and nicholas standing alone in the foyer. he turns his large frame to yours and juts his elbow out towards you,

“shall we? we don’t want to lose the reservation.” he quips with a smirk. so insufferable! typical yuppie. with a tight lipped grin, you nod and your hand circles around his—bulging bicep. well, fuck! nicholas was indeed jacked. you don’t let the tingles of your lower region let your guard down though.

“mm-hmm. i guess we shouldn’t keep them waiting.” you and him step out into the starlit evening and you stop noticing two cars, one red ferrari f40 and a black chevrolet corvette. wait a fucking minute. why the hell are there two cars? you could’ve sworn that valerie said that all four of you were taking a limousine. nicholas led you to the ferrari, while cooper led valerie to the corvette. before they could go any further, you took your hand from nicholas’ arm and called out valerie’s name in a faux friendly tone and smile.

“i apologize, fellas, but valerie, a word?” you hastily ask cutting your eyes to your best friend that protested by standing closer to cooper.

“but, y/n, we’re gonna be la—” you cut her short by taking her hand and scurrying a few feet from your dates, so they couldn’t hear your griping.

“valerie, you sneaky ass skank! you told me we were taking a limo. you ain’t said nothing about going in two separate cars! what the fuck are you trying to do!?” you hiss in a whispered tone, you were hotter than a firecracker. dumbfounded, your best friend responds with a shrug and glanced over to the confused men, sending them a wave with an embarrassed smile before shifting her focus back to you.

“girl, i didn’t know either. i guess cooper changed his mind about it before he left! i’m not mad about it though. this is our chance to get to know them one on one. i might even get lucky tonight, honey! besides, i don’t need you to scare off your and my date. ride with nicholas and don’t be fucking rude. just give him an hour. you promised.”

“not exactly.” you deadpanned.

“y/n!” she hissed in the lowest, yet sharpest warning tone.

“ugh. fine, i’ll ride with him. i’ll be—civil.”

“perfect. now let’s get our fine asses wined and dined.”

you both hurriedly walked back nicholas and cooper. like the gentlemen they were, they opened the passenger doors for you and valerie to enter their respective vehicles and buckle up. cooper and nicholas agreed to having cooper lead the way to the restaurant while nicholas followed behind. once they entered the driver’s seats, you four made your journey. you and nicholas didn’t ride in complete silence. the radio was filling the car with phil collins’ “in the air tonight” faintly in the background. nicholas eyes glanced over to your figure briefly. you sat in the passenger seat, one hand in your lap, the other propped up on the door as you looked out at the glistening city lights through the window, not uttering a single word. you seemed so cold. was it something he did? something he said? what he said earlier wasn’t really bullshit though. nicholas has encountered his share of women who were forgettable after a night of passion, but he honest to god thought that you were a breathtakingly beautiful woman with the world at her fingertips. he’d think you’d share the same sentiment as he did, but given your bored expression, perhaps not. he took the opportunity to turn the volume knob to the left to make room for small talk. nicholas clears his throat as he slightly grips the steering wheel, his eyes focusing on the road as he trails behind cooper.

“so, uh, tell me, y/n. cooper has told me that you and valerie are studying business. i assume that’s going well.”

you sigh at hearing the “b” word. it felt like such a curse. your head hurts at the very mention. you muster up an answer that’s right to the point.

“yeah, i better be or i’ll bring the greatest shame to the l/n family, so i suggest you shouldn’t assume, nicholas.” you retort dryly, gazing at your rose red manicured nails. nicholas felt a twinge of a tingling pain in his stomach. it’s almost eighty degrees out, but it just got to thirty in here. talk about a cold shoulder.

“i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to pry or make you uncomfortable. i was just trying to make conversation considering it’s a da—” you cut him short.

“i know how a date works, man. what are you? a prosecutor trying to present to me the evidence of exhibit obvious?”

“matter of fact, i am, well— studying to be. i’m in the pre-law and criminology program at my university. just like you, it’s in my bloodline.”

“oh, well. i guess it’s a change from all the guys i’ve met. they’re always waiting for their folks to kick the bucket or step down, so they could inherit a position of power that’s worth twenty years of work, but get it because they were born. they’ll spend a shit load of money and the body’s not even cold yet.”

“woah—wow. i’ve never seen it in that perspective, especially not from an heiress like yourself.” nicholas’ brows furrowed and he exasperatedly whistled.

“wow indeed, nicholas. it’s a goddamn shame. what the hell does me being an heiress got to do with it, huh?” you quiz defensively, cutting your eyes to the male. nicholas takes a deep breath and combats with a firm and calm voice,

“hey, there’s no need to get defensive, y/n. i’m just saying most people from families like ours don’t typically share the same thought as you nor care—i believe it’s an interesting perspective, not a bad one, so i don’t blame you for believing that money could easily sway someone’s morals.”

“hm.” that’s all you could respond with and you returned your gaze to the window sitting in deep thought. who the hell did nicholas chavez think he was? why isn’t he combating you with the benefits of all that luxury? did this man just—sympathize with you? something was definitely up with nicholas and not to mention, you were being a bit of a bitch towards him and he was still holding a civil conversation with you. there had to be a narcissistic, egotistical bratty yuppie prick underneath that calm and collected gentleman-like demeanor. you had a scheme: you were gonna push that limit to make sure that asshole makes an appearance at that restaurant.

the guys smoothly pull up to the entrance where the security and valet are standing. they get out of their cars to open the doors for you and valerie before handing their keys and a handsome tip to the valet to get their cars parked. you gazed up at the illuminating skyscraper of the restaurant before you. THE OPULENT HAVEN flashed itself so vibrantly in the city that even the stars had some competition. it was hypnotic to say the least. you stop your gawking when you feel a large palm rest itself on the small of your spine. your brown eyes lean up to see the familiar pair of nicholas’, a grin playing across his chiseled face.

“i take it by the way you’re staring that this is your first time here. breathtaking, isn’t it?” he softly whispers in awe with a matching expression towards the structure. you inwardly groan as your stomach does that thing again. here he goes with this fake prince charming, nice guy act. who was he to assume that you haven’t been here? you’re y/n fucking l/n for god’s sake! oh, who the hell were you kidding? this was your first time at this place and it looked like a palace. you didn’t want to let him know that though. he’s probably been here a thousand times with a myriad of women. you never forgot your scheme to release the animal within him, so you smirk with a quirked brow in his direction before you shot back in the same whispered voice,

“and who are you to assume that i haven’t been here? it just looks very elegant, nothing more. you’re acting as if i’m a damn tourist to these kinds of establishments.”

“it’s not my intention to assume, y/n. i’ve just noticed that you could see and appreciate the beauty in this building like i do. if it makes you feel any better, this is just my second time around. you don’t have to be so guarded, you know? now, let’s get inside before our party leaves us behind. after you.” he gives you a once over to the see through revolving doors where cooper and valerie are standing at the hostess’ station awaiting your arrival.

“whatever.” you grumble under your breath, rolling your eyes.

“i beg your pardon?”

“nothing—let’s just get inside.”

with a silent nod and his hand still on your back, he takes the lead for you to meet with the other two. the hostess guides you all to your table and it wasn’t long before a waiter arrived. cooper takes the initiative to request the restaurant’s finest merlot, water, shrimp cocktails, and pâté as the starting course of the evening. when the server returns again, you all agree to settle on the main course of the beef wellington and lobster thermidor, and topping it off with the crème brûlée. cooper and valerie start to break the ice with everyone at the table. you sat with your eyes down at your purse and courtly spoke whenever spoken to without getting caught peering at the ticking clock every once in a while. who knew that a fucking hour would take a lifetime? it also didn’t help that when valerie was in her own world with her precious koch boy, nicholas tried every way possible to get you to open up and with every attempt, you respond to him with such a snarky and dismissive attitude. valerie tries her best to paint you as a decent human being to the best of her ability because she really likes cooper and the last thing she needed is you scaring him off because you’re pissed at her.

“so, nicholas! do you like music? y/n sure does. i bet you didn’t know that she’s very talented at the grand piano and has been doing performances and competitions when we coming up! she even dabbles in a bit of composing.” valerie chimed, gesturing her gloved hand in your direction like you were an exhibit on display.

“yeah, i love music and that’s actually really cool, y/n. how long have you been playing for?”

“since i was five. you’re about to be a top shit lawyer, right? you do the math and get the facts.” you retort as you take a sip of wine. valerie rolls her eyes and hisses your name as cooper places a hand on hers. his forest eyes giving her the reassuring look of “let it go”. cooper knew exactly what you were doing and as his best friend, he knew that nicholas’ politeness could only be pushed so far, they all just had to wait and see it all come to a head. after your response, you noticed how nicholas clenched his jaw, cleared his throat, and his composed expression returns with a tight lipped smile. what is this guy’s deal? where’s his backbone? he’s just like the rest of these sorry ass yuppie motherfuckers.

“shot in the dark, here. seventeen years?”

“ding, ding, ding! we got a winner!” you sarcastically cheered with a toast of your wine glass.

“that’s impressive. you must be really passionate about it. what type of styles do you typically play? classical? baroque? romantic? maybe jazz?” he leans back casually in his seat awaiting your answer. you were quite surprised that a pre-law student had such a knowledge in that area.

“anything that sounds good to my ears.” you announce with an air of confidence and shrug your shoulders. there was no utterance of a thank you, not nothing. you were gonna make sure this plan to expose him for who he truly is doesn’t all go to hell. it was pissing you off that with every brash comment you made, he would kill you with cordiality.

it was pissing you off so much that even the server was catching stray bullets from you.

“excuse me, would you tell whoever the hell prepared this dish to please remake this? there’s no way this was right because i’ve had better at a fucking cheesecake factory.” the server stood with such timidity and tried plead their case on behalf of the chef.

“ma’am, we understand your concern, but i assure that the head chef has made it—“

“wait a minute, you’re telling me this is the work of your head chef? well, i guess it’s time for him to head back to culinary school because this is fucking terrible. this is ALL terrible!” your voice rose with frustration as you throw your lap cloth down on the table like a child having a tantrum and stood from your chair with your arms firmly crossed. all you could think was fuck this restaurant, fuck this date, fuck valerie, and fuck nicholas for foiling your plan. before you could bitch and berate any further, nicholas also stood up from his chair. “wait, nicholas, don’t—”, valerie tried to open her mouth to protest and deescalate the situation, but cooper gently grabbed her wrist, shaking his head to let valerie know that nicholas had this. she just needed to watch. he was composed, but he held a perfect posture with his chest was puffed up, he kept his hands flat at his side, and he looked at you with such contempt, such disappointment, before his baritone voice dominated the room.

“no, valerie, this is not okay. i’m sorry, but i’ve got to get this off my chest.” he paused. his serious, deep gaze not pulling from your curious eyes before he resumes speaking, “y/n, your behavior this whole night was completely inappropriate and unacceptable. i’m not exactly sure what your problem is with me, but i’ve done nothing, but try to be civil. i don’t know what type of guy you may think i am, but where i come from, manners and decorum count a lot wherever and to whoever, so i can’t just sit back and let your nasty, smart-ass attitude continue. you owe every single one of us an apology, especially to that poor server. now, if you refuse, we’ll take you back home and continue the night without you. do i make myself clear?”

you stood there silently, still trying to keep your guard up, but the muscles of your crossed arms loosened. the furrow of your perfectly arched brows softened and a small smile crept on your painted lips while you listen to nicholas chavez set you, y/n l/n, in her rightful place. he was respectfully getting you all the way together and boy, did you get such a titillating rush from how he was so assertive yet, still had that integrity. he was exactly the type of man you’ve been craving for in your circle. the type of man that wasn’t afraid to stand up for what’s right no matter how many times he’s given the benefit of the doubt. he’d make one hell of a lawyer. it was like you were seeing stars when his eyes bore into yours, awaiting an answer. you were so stuck in staring at him, his colossal frame stepped forward to be in closer proximity to yours. the warm chocolate hue of his pupils turn darker as they continue to stare down into your own. nicholas takes the opportunity to repeat his question with an added firmness, considering he didn’t get an answer the first time.

“y/n, do i make myself clear?”

you swallow.

“yes, nicholas.”

you were so entrapped in his softening gaze when you gave in. valerie sat in awe and confusion as she witnessed you humbly apologize to everyone for your behavior, including the server and the night went on pleasantly. plus, you decided to give nicholas more than an hour, you decided to give him a chance. there was something about him that had some potential you craved to see more of. you weren’t always the one to get second dates, but as you attentively indulge in amicable conversation with him, you’d hope you were redeemed enough to get that chance to see nicholas again. alone. although you hated him less, he was still a fine specimen of a man. he gave you a sense of warmth. that warm feeling didn’t leave when he drove you home after dinner. it didn’t leave when he walked you to the door. it sure as hell didn’t leave when he bid you a sweet goodnight with another lingering kiss to your hand. the image of his beautifully sculpted countenance burned deep within your brain. nicholas was even the type of guy that made sure you entered your home first before disappearing into the night. a regular yuppie asshole would speed off as soon as you closed his car door. your heart pounded within your chest as you stared at the ceiling while immersed in your satin rose duvet. every single shitty word you’ve ever said and every judgmental thought you’ve had towards nicholas alexander chavez was immediately transformed into immense respect and burning desire.

[eroscomet]

Picking Up Pieces That Aren't Yours

Chapter one- Pieces of the Past

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Paring: Tara Carpenter x Fem!Reader

Context: You've known Tara for most of her life in Woodsboro, though you two were never close. After moving to NYC to escape everything she and her sister endured, she finds herself trying to regain control of her life despite being a wreck. After killing Amber, who had been her girlfriend for years, she has a hard time trusting new people as well as trusting relationships. During her time at Blackmore University, she finds herself getting closer to you. She unintentionally plays the push-and-pull game with you, pulling you in as if she wants to be more than friends with you and then pulling away when you actually seem to want to commit.

Warnings: Talks about death, murder, grievance, Trauma, PTSD, Mentions of forms of abuse, Mentions alcoholism, Mentions of weapons, bad writing. (Let me know if I missed anything!)

Word count: 2.5k

A/N: Hellooooo, lovelies! I am currently working on the second part of 'Make it Right', it will be out soon, I promise. For now, I've decided to also begin writing other one-shots or starting other stories! I believe I am going to write more fics for Jenna's different characters. It might've been just a bit inspired by 'Casual' by Chappell Roan but that'll come in later chapters.

╰┈➤Series Masterlist

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No one said it was going to be easy, especially for the Carpenter sisters. With everything that they have endured, they now carry emotional baggage that they feel will follow them everywhere. Or so Sam feels that way. Tara refuses forthat to be her path, she refuses to be someone who lets one event define her entire life. She saw it with Sidney, Gale, and all those who have been through the same thing as her. People who can never seem to escape or move on from their past.

Tara refuses to see the therapist that Sam has been in contact with for her therapy sessions. She truly believes that she can handle it all on her own. Which, in retrospect, sounds absurd. Planning to go through four years of university without any help with her mental and emotional baggage? She doesn't want to talk to her friends about what happened or even think about what happened.

A part of her is still somewhat grieving Amber, it's expected, though. They had dated for quite some while, but Tara is now left with the thoughts of, 'Was any of it real?' Was Tara a pawn in Amber's sick and twisted game? That's how she felt like, at least. Like she let this all happen. Like all of it was somehow her fault. These destructive thoughts allowed Tara to cave in on herself. Her mind was as much a battlefield as her life itself.

Did she survive? Yes. Did she escape? No. She thought that moving away from Woodsboro would save her, she thought it was an escape. Her mind restricted her of that relief, of that escape. She survived, but at what cost? She feels she has absolutely no sense of direction. She wanted to blame Amber just as everyone had and then moved on, but she couldn'twhen she blamed herself for somehow allowing this to happen. Even now that Amber is gone, she still plagues her mind. 

There is no excuse that she can give for Amber's actions, and she isn't sure that she wants to make an excuse for her.Every night for her is the same. The memory, the nightmare turned reality, haunts her. It's always the same but in a third-person point of view. She sees herself holding the gun, everything slowing down for her at that exact moment. The gun recoiled as the shot was taken, the noise ringing out from it. The look on Amber's face, the realization on her face.

Like every time, the bullet comes in contact with Amber's head, and just like that, she's dead again. The sound of the knife that she once held in her hand clattering on the floor. The sound had been almost deafening in her nightmares. It'salmost taunting the way that she watched as the blood splattered on her face. The blood that had belonged to her once beloved girlfriend.

Beloved. That's how Tara had seen Amber.

It's almost comical to you how Tara had ever seen Amber in any context but fake and off-putting. Amber wasn't the kindest, the easiest to get along with, or even the most caring. You'd almost feel guilty for not speaking out about it earlier if it weren't for others who had also felt that way and kept quiet as well. You weren't exactly friends with their friend group, you had always felt yourself to be a side character.

Chad had always been all over Liv. They were cute, sure, but there was no need for that PDA. Mindy was constantly going on about different horror movies, as well as still somehow complaining about not having a girlfriend and not wanting to commit to one. Wes was caring and all, but he could also get annoying at times. He had been the only one in the friend group who had felt the off feeling about Amber. It seemed like he and Amber were always bumping heads about Tara.

When Wes died, and the news got out about Amber being the one behind the killings along with Sam's boyfriend, Richie, you knew why he had been killed. Amber felt like he was an obstacle—blocking her path to Tara, stopping her from moving forward with everything. But what frustrated her the most was how much he'd begun questioning her, noticing how strangely she’d been acting. You felt almost thankful for keeping your mouth shut about how you felt. It could have been you.

In all honesty, you and Tara had been close at one point. Back in elementary, you had always invited Tara over to your house after noticing how Tara would spend hours waiting for someone to pick her up after school. She'd sometimes mention how she'd be locked out of her house because her mother wasn't home. You had let her come over, you never minded it since the two of you were friends after all.

Looking back at it, knowing what you know now, it's a bit bittersweet. Knowing the only reason it would take a while for someone to pick up Tara was that she had to wait until Sam got out of school, then walk from her middle school to Tara's elementary school, and finally bring Tara home. The times that she would say she was locked out of the house were either her mother was off getting drunk anywhere she could or her mother would lock her out as a form of punishment.

The thought of you not being there for her earlier had always stung. What about the times that it was raining? Was Tara out in the rain alone? You could never bring yourself to ask her, careful not to bring something up that could take her back to that time. You two had stuck together since those days in elementary when she'd come over constantly. Middle school is when it had gotten a bit rocky, Amber had finally come into the picture.

Amber was new, and Tara had always been too kind and understanding for her good. One day of simply showing Amber around the school had turned into having lunches together or hanging out after school. Days when you'd hang out with them or even with Tara alone, you had always felt Amber's burning glare and jealousy, even from behind. You always ignored it though, being able to hang out with Tara was worth it.

It was around this time that you had begun to like Tara and not in a normal friendship platonic way. It was easy to fall for Tara, or so you thought so. She was pretty, inside and out. Her face had always perfectly reflected her beauty on the inside. You were sure that Amber somehow knew that you liked her because of the constant glares. Still, you ignored her because you knew Tara way before Amber had ever known her.

Ignoring, however, had made it worse even though you were trying to steer away from conflict. Amber didn't take you ignoring her lightly. She began finding excuses to take you and Tara's time away from you. Saying anything that would make sweet and naive Tara feel guilty for leaving Amber behind. Hangouts between you and her had become hangouts between the three of you. Then, slowly, Tara slipped away from your fingers and right into Amber's arms.

You tried not to dwell on it too much, as was expected, but it had hurt how it had seemed so easy for Tara to forget and replace you. You weren't angry with Tara, but you were bitter with Amber, yet you held your tongue for Tara's sake.When high school rolled around, rumors had gone around during freshman year that Amber and Tara had begun dating.

This had set you off; your friends hadn't heard the end of it for almost that entire school year. Everything that you see them do, you feel more bitter. That never stopped your feelings for Tara, though, they had only grown since Tara stayed her usual sweet self that had always swept you off your feet. Sophomore year, you spent your entire time busying yourself with your studies and soccer practice. You shut yourself away from hearing things about Tara and Amber's'amazing' relationship.

That's when junior year rolled by, it seemed like you had some luck this year. You and Tara shared a math class, Algebra II, without a certain possessive girlfriend around to keep you away from Tara. You're sure that Amber noticed you two shared a class because Tara wasn't as talkative with you. Maybe you had grown apart? Or maybe Amber had told her to stay away from you? 

Senior year is when it all happened. It was hard to keep up with all the information that felt like it was being thrown at you. First, Tara's attack, then the following murders, Sam being back in town with her weird boyfriend, and Amber suddenly getting more controlling and possessive.

Tara, on the other hand, felt like she had been thrown into the eye of the tornado. She was both happy and bitter that her sister had returned after having no contact with her for so long. Just because she had gotten hurt, she returned? It sounded like bullshit to her, but a big part of her had missed Sam. 

Sam had been around to meet Amber, having left when Tara had been in 8th grade. She never liked Amber; she had always felt something was off about her, and no matter the countless times she told Tara that, Tara had always defended Amber. Upon seeing that Amber was still a part of Tara's life and now has a more important role than a friend, it irked her a bit. Amber had been bitter with Sam from the moment that she returned; maybe it was because of everything Tara had opened up to her about Sam, or maybe it was all a part of the act.

When it had been just Sam and Tara in the room, she had asked Tara where you had gone. "Whatever happened to her, I liked her." She had said. Tara had dismissed it with a small excuse, but hearing your name had tugged at her heart a bit, though she quickly ignored it. When Tara thought back to then, it made her feel stupid how she hadn't reached out to you sooner, but she knew that she was stuck in a position she couldn't leave. She was blinded by what she had thought was love with Amber. 

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Tara woke up on the couch in the apartment that she, Sam, and their roommate Quinn shared. Quinn was out, probably on some Tinder date that would end in her staying the night with her date. Sam had been working late shifts, still trying to afford both the apartment and now Tara's education as well. She awoke to the sound of a phone ringing, a small groan escaping her lips. 

She sat up on the couch, sighing before grabbing her phone off of the coffee table. She didn't care to check the contact name, she simply picked up the phone. All she had heard was a static noise, which caused her to furrow her eyebrows. A breathing noise was heard through the other end of the phone. Suddenly, the noise of the front door's knob jingling had caused her to be on high alert.

She felt herself retreat to the state she was never able to leave behind. Her hands shook as her heart began to pound, dropping her phone on the floor. A soft thump was heard as her phone fell onto the living room carpet. She completely froze, not knowing what to do and even if she had known, she was too paralyzed by fear to do it. 

Eventually, the door opened and she clasped her hand over her mouth, her other hand grabbing the remote from next to her on the couch. Felt tears beginning to prick from the corners of her eyes.

"Tara! Sam asked me to check up on you-" You had begun saying before you felt the remote hit you in the head to which your hand reflexively held where the remote hit you on the head. "Gah! What the-"

You felt your words die on your lips as you saw Tara in the state she was in. Her sigh of relief did not go unnoticed by you as you began putting two and two together that you had triggered her. Before you could say anything, you saw tears slip from her eyes and roll down her cheeks. You put down the bag of take-out that you had brought for her to eat onto the coffee table before rushing to her. Kneeling in front of her a waterfall of apologies escaped from your lips.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Tara, it's just me. I came to check up on you, Sam just wanted to make sure you were okay." You said as you leaned up, wrapping your arms around her. She quickly responded by wrapping her trembling arms around you.

Ever since attending Blackmore with Tara and her friend group, completely unplanned, you had gotten back into touch with her. You were one of the only 'outsiders' that she trusted with Tara to check up on her on nights like this. It would be considered a bit pathetic how you seemed at Tara's disposal. Everything she needed, you wanted to give her. 

So, for every message, call, and hang out, you'd immediately accept. Tara knew you liked her but she could never bring herself to be honest with herself about her feelings for you. She just knew it felt good to be cared for by you and to have your attention. All your actions were right, she just couldn't bring herself to trust to love someone and trust someone again.

The thought of a relationship was completely out of her mind until it came to you. This was quickly shaken away by her clouding thoughts of fear. She can't deny the pull to you, but she also cannot deny the thoughts that practically consumed her. Still, she continued to see you. She continued to call on you and be around you. She thought that the two of you had come to the understanding that things between the two of you were casual and light. 

Any time that you had begun to bring up wanting more than stolen kisses and secret cuddling, she'd quickly change the topic. You almost felt embarrassed for wanting to ask what you two were. Then again, you felt like it was better to have her this way than not at all.

"Are you okay?" You asked as you pulled away from the hug, your hands cupping her face to carefully examine her. Her tears had calmed, her breathing a little shaky and uneven, but she still had nodded.

"Yeah, I'm okay." She said with a small sniffle, "Just everything felt like... Never mind." 

"I'm sorry. I just came to check up and bring you something to eat." You said as you began peppering her face with soft and short kisses, trying to make her feel better and partially so she could forgive you. 

"You need to eat." You had added as you pulled away, tucking her bangs behind her ears as she nodded. Sending her a small, soft smile, you began to unpack the takeout for the both of you.

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A/N: I'm going, to be honest, I did not expect to write so much. I had to cut it short because I was going to go on and on. I'm beginning to contemplate turning into a fic as well. The words sort of flowed out of me, and there definitely is a plot that I can build on. I hope you guys enjoyed this! Again, I am currently making the next part to 'Make it Right,' this was meant to be like a little filler to keep you guys entertained, and I started a whole new fic. I'm going to hope to finish the next part of 'Make it Right' and post it sometime tomorrow. Thank you all for reading, as well as for the support on my last post! Bye, lovelies!

[churrochamp]

Let's talk about Merlin and lying. This isn't meant to be character bashing, but it might not be the most generous take either.

In All About Love, bel hooks writes: "In our culture privacy is often confused with secrecy. Open, honest, truth-telling individuals value privacy. We all need spaces where we can be alone with thoughts and feelings - where we can experience healthy psychological autonomy and can choose to share when we want to. Keeping secrets is usually about power, about hiding and concealing information."

(hooks has a lot more to say about the reasons why people lie in relationships, and our need for love and difficulty with love in general. Book is fantastic, highly recommend.)

The question is: was Merlin's years of lying about his magic, and all that he did in Arthur's defence, justified? Why'd he do it?

I've been trying to think through how the fandom generally interprets Merlin's character and choices in the show, and how this character makes me feel. It's really complicated and interesting (to me at least lol).

I often see the claim that Merlin lied about his magic for years out of fear for his safety, but it's never fully satisfied me as an explanation. Given that as a fandom we pretty much all agree that magic can be a metaphor for queerness, there's a natural alignment with the claim that queer people aren't ever obligated to come out, for any reason, but it's often said, especially if their physical safety might be jeopardized (which I agree with btw).

And it's true, given Camelot's genocidal laws, Merlin's life could be threatened if he revealed himself as a sorcerer. On the other hand, Merlin is basically all-powerful in the universe of the show, and I don't think the rest of Camelot could do much to him if he were prepared.

What's more convincing to me is the claim that Merlin's afraid of the potential emotional harm that could come from revealing himself. What if Arthur hates and rejects him? That's something his magic can't defend against.

I think Merlin's heart is in the right place. He believes all his work is done in service of Arthur and their joint destiny, which is the good of Albion. And he does save Arthur's life a whole dang lot.

The issue is, probably a good half of the show's major conflicts directly relate to Merlin's actions and inactions - usually, lies he's telling (Morgana, Mordred...). Conflicts that maybe could have been resolved with much less harm if Merlin, who often is the only one with crucial knowledge, had made different choices (and Gaius too oh my GOD). Dude is shooting himself in the foot. Merlin's lying isn't just about personal privacy and autonomy. It becomes a fundamental part, baked into his relationship with Arthur and his role in their prophecy (and the governing of a kingdom jeez).

In addition to plot SNAFUs, the way I see it, Merlin's lying has two major consequences for him:

His most important relationship, with Arthur, is deeply flawed and incomplete.

Merlin remains the most important, influential character in the show. His energies go to trying to keep the power for himself.

As bel hooks argues, there can't be true intimacy in a relationship if one or both parties withhold and deceive the other. This could look like lying to manipulate the other party to get what you want, or even lying to make the relationship go easier. Relationships built on untruth aren't fair to all parties - the deceived person can't make informed choices in the relationship, and the deceiving person robs themselves of the opportunity to be fully supported and loved for who they are. When Merlin lies to Arthur about magic, when he tells Arthur that magic is evil, even if it is for "his sake," he's taking choice away from Arthur often at crucial moments, for both their relationship and the well-being of the kingdom. Without knowledge of the truth about magic, and about Merlin, Arthur can't make fully informed choices as a king or a partner. Things go to shit, and it's terribly lonely for both of them, even if only one of them know about it. Merlin's reason for this might be fear of pain. However, when you don't give someone the opportunity to love or reject you for who you are, how can you feel held by that person? You deprive yourself of the chance.

Another reason to lie can be desire for power and control. By keeping the secret of his magic and their destiny, Merlin keeps all the responsibility and power to himself. This is the premise of the show: Merlin is the only person who can turn Arthur into a good king, save magic, secure Albion's future well-being--and he must do it all secretly. The show jokes about it, the characters joke about it. This premise is a kind of power-fantasy - being the secret power working from the shadows, using all your wit and guile to succeed despite the secrecy, risking life and limb for no recognition, but having the satisfaction of knowing that you are instrumental. It's very James Bond. Without the secrecy, what would be the point of Merlin? The secrecy might be part of what makes Merlin feel special, worthwhile.

As the years go by, the lies compound and the relationship becomes inseparable from them. The most significant on a personal level, probably Merlin's poisoning Morgana, Mordred, Ygraine, and Sophia.

Merlin can't control all the factors, he can't do it all by himself, he can't make Arthur into the ideal king and boyfriend of destiny, and from the start it's a doomed endeavour. Luckily Arthur loves him all on his own, and does get to see him at the very end, and they'll get a second chance.

So in summary, why does Merlin lie about his magic and his actions for so long? Fear, love, and power, is what I suggest. And ultimately it leads him and Arthur to ruin. It's not exactly exemplary behaviour, but it is very very human.

[anundyingfidelity]

NO SECOND CHANCES — Brother Day/Cleon XVII

Summary: A lonely space traveler happens to save from a certain death the most annoying person of the entire galaxy, the Emperor.

Pairing: Cleon XVII x female reader.

Word count: 8.1k. (oooops).

Warnings: well, spoilers for whole season 2. Language, angst (the reader wants to die, really). Talks about suicide, talks about suicide attempts, reader having nightmares, PTSD, reader is suffering too. Some hurt/comfort, some fluff? Filthy smut (included but not limited to hand jobs, unprotected sex, oral from both parts, dirty language, etc. etc.), and end of the world sex (to Beki's arsehole bitches yay🥂). Also Cleon refers to the reader as "woman" a couple of times lol. Reader has pierced ears? (wait for it). Bittersweet ending tbh.

Notes: just trying to make slow burn in a one shot because I'm a lazy fucker who doesn't like to write stories with chapters, otherwise I don't finish shit. Uh probably OOC Cleon??? I don't know. Fully inspired by my favorite trope ever: saving the bad guy and making him humble. I don't care we're four people watching Foundation, I need to write about this little piece of shit I love him so much. Cleon XVII is a himbo I said it. Not beta, we die like bitches of the Gossamer court.

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

Tagging: @curiouswildi hope you like it 🥺💘

GEN MASTERLIST!

I. BEYOND

The last thing wandering his mind was Bel Riose. Fucking Bel Riose. That idiot. They had won over him; over him, who was Empire and still meant to be for years ahead. Next, the cold feeling of space was embracing him. But he felt he was not floating around anymore.

Cleon was tied to a surface. It felt like harsh, uncomfortable metal under his back. He slowly forced his eyes open, moving his limbs and trying to escape whatever it was restraining him to do so. His wrists and ankles, as his waist, were tied by a light blue particle field preventing the patient to move at all. He was met with the roof of a ship and equipment, but it wasn't any Imperial one. In panic, he moved until he was able to shake the surface he was on, panting and grunting, feeling some pain and sting resurging all over him. The headache was becoming unbearable and the sounds coming from his dry mouth finally transformed into screams. The room doors opened and a strange voice catched his attention.

"Finally, you're awake."

Cleon obliged to follow the shadow moving around, his eyes focusing to try and see who was talking. He heard steps and the sounds of metal and glass clinking around, probably looking for medication and tools as he was know fully concius. The figure finally came to view by his side.

"I will inject this, so don't move," you said, grabbing his bicep. Cleon was about to protest, but the needle was faster and the medicine was welcomed on his vurnerable system, easing the pain and calming down the headache. "Welcome back, Eminence," you smirked to him.

"And just so, who are you?" he asked chuckling to himself, licking his lips. "What have you done to me?"

"First, I saved your life and cleaned all your bloody wounds. You should say thanks at least," you sat down dangerously close by his side, on the same surface he was on.

"I did not ask you for mercy."

"Oh, but I did," you replied, a smirk on your lips. "Perhaps I shouldn't have, right?" you took a small pencil-like device in your hand from the pocket of your pants and used it to scan his vital signs. You touched his face carefully with your fingers, examining his eyes, his heartbeat, and any anomaly that might be on his system from head to toe, but the scanner found none. Cleon watched you doing so until he asked again, his voice softer this time.

"Who are you?"

"Just no one as important as you are," you said, saving the scanner back.

"Where are we?" Cleon asked, looking around. He observed he was placed in a small medical bay.

"In space, in the middle of nowhere I suppose," you shrugged, getting on your feet again. "It seems you're recovering quite well and fast. At least that's what my scanner says. So first, I think you should want some water, which I am leaving right here," you put a flask on the small table next to him. "And before I give you this to drink, I want to make sure you will not restrain or fight back at me."

He laughed, that narcissistic smile on his face. You wanted to punch him.

"You're no match for me, woman."

"Really? Then I could just throw you out there again, you know, it's not difficult. I'm spending resources on you, surely I won't oppose to that idea," you snapped back.

His smile faded slowly, thinking. If it wasn't for you, he would be dead by now, it was true. But he was so used to be immortal and undefeteable that the situation was kind of new. He only had been vulnerable and exposed to his doctors in the palace, and you were a complete stranger. And still, you had the heart to take him in your ship and save his life. He sighed, rolling his eyes to the ceiling.

"Fuck, fine. What do you want me to do?"

So this was his way of cooperating, you thought.

"After I turn off the restraints, you will have to sit down on the stretcher. I will help you. Do not try to get up yet, you might feel dizzy."

With a nod he said to you the orders were clear. Next, the restraints disappeared in the air with a push on a button and Cleon felt a small relief. As you promised, you helped him to sit and he realized that the clothes he had before were replaced with a set of new pale grey robes that allowed him to move freely. You offered the flask to his lips, but he watched you with a questioning look on his face.

"Is only water, I swear. See?" you had a small sip from the bottle and he looked more at ease after you swallowed the liquid.

You offered the bottle again and helped him to slowly drink. Once he was done, you placed a small tray with fruits and dry seeds on top of the same table beside the stretcher.

"You might want to eat something," you said, breaking the silence under his fixed gaze. Even when he was sitting down and you on your feet it felt rather intimidating. "I'm still collecting supplies and food. You were certainly not part of the plan these days."

"So you travel alone," Cleon said, taking a small red fruit between his fingers and began to eat it.

"I do," you nodded. "Sorry if the taste of the fruit is not pleasant."

"You're doing your best," he said while eating, studying the room around him. You were not sure if he was mocking you or not. "What was your name again?"

You chuckled. "You're very interesting, Empire. Why don't you finish eating and rest before taking a bath?"

The next few hours, you left him to rest and escorted him to your quaters, the only place with a comfortable bed, so he could get proper sleep. Since there were no further questions from him, you got to your business and requested more provisions to the merchants. Traveling alone had made you some contacts and traders, from time to time you would request for food giving in exchange money or rare knick knacks, and within a day you had a small capsule with supplements heading to your coordinates with everything you needed. You just had to wait for now.

After checking the estate of your ship and confirming everything was working correctly, you went back to your quaters to see how the Emperor was doing. You were startled to see him sitting on your bed with a book between his hands. He looked like he just had a bath because his shirt was gone and his hair was wet, some droplets running down his skin. Quickly, you studied him. He was handsome, muscular, his skin had a beautiful tan, and he was tall and heavy as hell, something you noticed when cleaning his wounds and taking him inside your ship. The earring on his left ear was also interesting, you thought, for a member of the most important dinasty of the galaxy. Very rebellious for the emperor.

You also knew he heard you steping in but never looked up from the book because he was the first one to talk.

"Never I could imagine you would have books in here," he said, clearly interested on the pages.

"Yeah, not all of us are barbarians as you work so hard to convice yourself we are."

He chuckled to himself, looking at you for the first time since you entered the room.

"Are you from Korell?"

"The book gave it away, didn't it."

"This is very old," he said, closing the book. "You are for sure not allowed to have this in Korell."

"That is one of the reasons I left," you replied, looking around the place. It was obvious to you that he was pearing within your personal stuff because the old myth book was secured down your mattress. At least he didn't leave a mess and everything seemed in the right place. "I was a threat in my planet so Argo kept looking for me for some conspiracy shit and terrorism when all I did was oppose myself to his repression and freakshow," you continued, his eyes drew back to you. "They wanted me dead in Korell, but I am the only one to decide that, even when and where will it happen."

Cleon shifted on his seat, wondering why you were sharing a piece of your life to him when he didn't even know your name yet. Words and thoughts wandered his head on how would he answer to your words, compassion or empathy sometimes were difficult things to feel. But before he was able to speak, you interrupted his thoughts.

"I will leave you alone to rest for a while and will come back when it's around supper. I follow Kornell cycle of time, so you know... Just don't poke around my underwear, Empire," you dragged his title mockingly.

He laughed softly, going back to his reading.

"Thank you for the idea."

That was the first time you would hear him expressing gratitude.

II. GHOSTS FROM THE PAST

Around more than a week passed, and Cleon was healing and his wounds were not so visible now. You made sure to inject him every day and gave your quaters and bed for him to sleep and recover. He had took a pad you had in the room so he could count the cycle of days in Trantor. Hardly to admit, he found himself missing home rather than hatred. Sometimes the rage mixed with sorrow, but he forced himself to try and understand that it was a normal feeling due to the sudden lose of everything he once had.

Cleon had been up from some time now as he counted the end of the eighth day on the pad, and wondered why your daily visit was taking so long. It was a habit you had, to come in and wake him up with the medicine, and after it was done, you would tell him to eat some of the fruits and food on the tray you brought for him. He got on his feet and put a shirt on before leaving the room to search for you. On the pilot cabin, you had an improvised, small stickable mattress on the wall that had saved your life before, so you used it to sleep and rest the past few days while he cured. Cleon observed your figure lying down on the mattress, walking slowly and sensing something was not right. He found you shaking and trembling, eyes still closed and chest heavily breathing as your hand held onto dear life what he realised it was a gun.

He felt somehow frightened and confused. If you wanted to kill him, you would already have done it. You had made yourself clear on that. The tremor of your body seemed it was increasing and Cleon, with a gentless he did not know he possesed, tried to soothe you with his voice, removing the gun from your embrace.

"Shh... everything is fine," he mumbled, not sure of his words, his other hand touching your shoulder in soft circles. He was able to withdraw the gun from your hands and placed it on the floating shelf near by.

Your eyes squeezed and some tears flowed down your face as you sobbed still in your sleep. Cleon hesitated on what to do next to wake you up. He leaned again, his hand slowly tracing the skin of your arm, like he did when his brother Dawn was a child.

"Woman? Wake up," he whispered, shaking you a little bit and pating your arm softly, and when he talked again, his voice was a little bit louder. "You're having a nightmare, wake up."

And as he repeated his words over and over, your eyes opened wide, feeling your lungs able to breath again. But your senses still were coming to awareness, and automatically you slapped the face of whoever it was touching your arm. You heard him groan in pain and you rolled over the mattres, until you hit the floor, taking out a small blade from below the makeshift pillow of fabrics you used. The blade pointing at him as you looked around the cabin to find out it was only both of you.

"What- are you okay?!" Cleon questioned with a frown, rubbing his hurting cheek as he remained on the other side of your bed, the only thing separating you from him was the mattress.

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine!"

He rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Of course you are not."

"Then why the fuck would you ask that?! It's obvious I'm not fine!" you yelled. Your body was tense and ready to attack. You felt a knot on your throat, like if you were to cry again. Silence envolved you, trying to calm down. That inner voice in your head began saying it was just a dream, and you wanted to believe it. It was all in your head. It was not real...

"Do you want to kill me?" Cleon's gloomy voice echoed.

"What? No! I would never-"

"Then why are you sleeping with a damn blaster shot and a blade on your bed?!" he confronted, screaming at you, but not daring to move as you also remained standing in the same place.

"Because I wanted to kill myself!" you yelled back, pointing the sharp of the knife to you instead. His face became stern and you realised what you had said, and what was happening. Ashamed, you threw the blade back under the pillow. "Sorry, I don't want you to know that. Forget it."

You wiped the tears on your face under his piercing and concerning eyes. You forced your head to compose and burry your nightmares and memories deep inside before talking.

"I have to inject you," you said and walked back to the room, sure he would follow behind. Once you crossed the doors, you prepared the needle but Cleon remained standing near the exit of your room the whole time, arms crossed over his chest, observing you with utter worry on his face. Why? He really did not know. Probably because you were the only human and intelligent contact he had for days now, and you had the decency to keep him alive. Though he was not going to let that in his head - yet.

"Why don't you seat?" you most likely ordered. Cleon slowly made his way to you and remained standing, tall and kind of threatening. He was Emperor, after all.

"What is wrong with you?" he asked with a careful tone.

"Nothing, Empire. Just sit," you said, coldly, waiting for him to do as you requested.

"No, I need to know," he demanded, coming closer to you, jaw clenching. Anger started taking over your being and held his gaze as you replied.

"I have the right to decide whether or not speak about my personal life, I am not one of your subjects, so sit the fuck down so I can give you the last dosis of this shit."

"I need to know if I can fucking trust you after what I just heard coming from your mouth," his voice boomed around the place.

"You really want to know?! Fine, back in Korell I lost my family, my brother, my parents, my home - everything I had they took it from me! I was the last one alive and I escaped after they killed my brother in front of me and that day is still haunting me," you muttered and felt the tears forming on your eyes, but this time, of rage. "So if it concerns your own well being, like it always has been, no, I will not kill you. But you are no Emperor here, so stop that game. Some of us never gave a fuck about you or the Empire, or the Foundation and Hari Seldon, or the Church of the Galactic Spirit -I don't care! I'm tired, I just want to be free and live peacefully!"

You had not noticed you stepped closer to him, feeling the heat radiating from his body. His face was blank, as if he had been slapped again, but this time to reality. A reality he was not familiar with on his own bubble.

Quickly you grabbed his bicep and injected the dosis with him standing up. He whined in surprise. It was fast. So fast that you just removed the needle from his flesh and left the room.

III. WHAT YOU REALLY KNOW

According to the Trantor cycle, evening should be now. When you left him alone in the room, Cleon spent the next hours by himself, and since he watched you looking up for garments and food around the ship before, he made sure to get those without speaking to you. Not that you wanted to talk either. He noticed you sitting on the main pilot seat, looking at the stars and the void through the glass the whole day. He got concerned for a moment, but decided to let you be as he, also, understood that some time alone was necessary.

However, Cleon thought to talk to you finally and say something. Anything to get you back to reality and forget your bad dreams. So he found himself making his way to sit on the other chair of the ship. He prepared the words to say inside his head, but it was more difficult to speak out loud.

"I think I owe you an apology," he finally said, taking in the view of space. You nodded slowly your head. Nobody turned to see each other.

"It's nothing. But apology accepted I guess."

"It's not nothing. I rarely thought about what other citizens and planets are going through... I'm so sorry it happened to you."

"I would like to say that was not your fault, but since the Empire withdrawal from Korell, living there definitely became so much worse," you confessed, very aware of the genetic dinasty and some of the things previous emperors did, which did not change much. They were the same man after all. Cloning again and again...

"Probably should apologise for that as well," he said.

"Yeah, it's too late, but thank you."

Cleon could still sense a feeling of resentment in your voice. He thought you were right to feel that way, but he was also going to try and make you understand him.

"I never had a mother, or a father, and my brothers are the same man as me, so it's hard to understand that some people lose their family and loved ones. I was born with that loss already... That's why I wanted to end the genetic dinasty."

"You are the eighteenth?" you asked, not knowing exactly why he was opening to you.

"The seventeenth."

"That's a lot of you though. Do you remember anything from the past?"

"I do not. But our memories are always saved. Everything that happens in Trantor is recorded and kept as data. If I want to know something about a previous Cleon, I would just request it."

You turned your gaze to finally see him, he looked in awe with space as he spoke.

"So what was your motive to destroy a planet?"

He turned his eyes to you. "I believe you didn't care about Empire or the Foundation."

"That doesn't mean I want to see a genocide, your Eminence."

Cleon stirred on his seat, with a strange feeling of guilt, sadness and regret. For some reason, the title falling off your lips made everything worse.

"You saw it," he said. "How? You're no part of the Foundation, at least you're lying to me."

"No, I am not! I did a stupid space jump without course and I ended here, unfortunately." You were growing tired of the conversation. "I don't know why we keep talking. We're both shitty people anyway."

Cleon chuckled, not to mock you, but because of the whole situation you were in together.

"I know you are. Brave enough to kill yourself, taking another life is nothing compared to your own."

You locked your gaze with his, thinking if he was he judging you or flattering you.

"And have you, like, tried to end with your life at some point? You must feel lonely, under the shadow of a clone, not allowing you to be, well, you."

He let out a deep breath, avoiding your eyes.

"I have not, but my genes are already compromised and adultered. No surprise if any of us dared to commit suicide before," he replied, looking to the void. "In any case, if something out of the ordinary is to happen to my brothers or myself, we have another clone with our same memories, same age, everything; prepared to be woken up and take our place. Like if we never existed."

"That's fucked up," you scoffed. "We are never trully free, are we."

You got on your feet to look up for something to eat and forget your small talk. You knew he had searched for fruits and dry food because you heard him moving around and then leaving a couple of times, but you had nothing through the whole day. Cleon followed your steps, leaving enough space between you both as you took a couple of apples, giving one to him.

"The jump, how did you do that?" he asked, taking a bite of the fruit. "You don't have spacers."

"The rebels are smart people. A lot of members of the Foundation replicated your technology."

"I thought you were not involved with them," he insisted.

"I am not, but I would never deny any help. That my support doesn't rely on them doesn't mean I will let a chance slide."

"You're not answering my question."

You pulled the sleeve of your shirt up to show your bare wrist to him. There was the same device Hober Mallow and the Clerics had, inserted on your skin.

"I use this.”

"This is a whisper ship," he mumbled.

"Smart. Yes, sort of."

Cleon scoffed. "So that means we can land somewhere."

"About that, uh, we can't."

He moved to throw the remainings of his fruit with a confused look. "Why?"

He heard your sigh as you covered your wrist again, looking away from his deep eyes.

"I- I threw myself to space because I wanted to kill myself," you started, avoiding his gaze. "I didn't care how long would take me, I just wanted to blow up my ship. Just end everything. But then I saw you, floating, dying... and for some reason I couldn't let you die. I didn't know who you were but I saved you. There's no energy or fuel to make another jump. I don't have that. We are far from what Terminus was now. From any planet, form of life or civilization... plus you are unarmed. You still are weak and anyone could kill you," you finished, and waiting for some reason that he could forgive you for giving him any sort of hope. "I'm sorry, Empire."

Beyond madness, Cleon felt you were worried for him. Not the kind of sentiment his brothers or palace workers would do, but a real one. Because you knew saving him was condemn him to death anyway. But this felt much better than dying alone. He had sins, past despiteful decisions and ghosts hunting him, as so were you. You just addressed your feelings and your life together in less than a day. And you were right, none of you were never trully free, but as crazy as it might be, being lost in space with you felt like freedom to him. Finally, he was far away from everything that was keeping chained to a life and responsibilities he never asked for, living under the shadow of an egotistical emperor.

There was a strong impulse growing inside him and before his rational voice began to scream it was a bad idea to continue, he had cupped your cheeks between his hands and his lips pressing hungrily against yours. You whined, surprised of the warm feeling of his mouth, his tongue hurriedly asking for permission to taste you. When oxygen was not enough you pulled away, shocked and panting. You barely noticed your hand around his forearm, recovering yourself from the best kiss you had in some time.

"Cleon," he whispered, kissing your lips one more time.

"What?"

"Just call me Cleon. I'm not Empire anymore."

You kissed him in response with the same eagerness he had before, heart beating strongly in your chest. His hands caressed every inch of your body, from your neck, breasts, your hips, your soft thighs, your ass... he touched you with desperate fire while you moaned against his mouth, liking where was this leading you, more than you wanted to admit.

That was the first time you gave in to him completely.

IV. TO LOVE AND TO BE LOVED

You moaned against his lips, those that forcefuly broke the heated kiss you shared as he ruts into you desperately to reach his own climax. His flesh hitting against yours made an obscene harmony that echoed the confines the ship, far from civil and coherent noises fell from his lips as he sucked into the skin of your neck.

"Fuck, yes, right there," a broken whimper escaped your throat, your nails scratching his back, your walls clenching around his cock. "Cleon..."

The sound of his name being moaned by your sweet, raspy voice, caused him to slow down his thrusts just a bit.

"I still don't know your name," he whispered, bitting your bottom lip only to kiss you wet again.

"And yet you're fucking me, isn't that enough?" you teased, rolling your hips to meet his own.

He gave you a smirk, that fucking handsome smirk you hated so much. He took you with his strong arms, flipping you around so he was now on his back and you got control on top of him. You sinked down his dick setting a reckless rhythm, his thrusts matching yours every time you went down, his grip hard on your waist, marking and bruising your skin. One of his hands massaged your bouncing breasts, one after the other, pinching and then, you felt his mouth biting your nipples and chest, as he leaned your body to him for easy access, with slow grunts and groans that didn't sound human anymore.

His cock repeatedly hit that sweet spot from the position you were taking him, increasing the tension inside you. The sensation of his hands coming back to your sides and making its way to your ass cheeks to guide your bouncing hips became too much so soon. You cried as you felt drunk and high, muscles tense as you finally came. Cleon held you tight, fucking into you as you reached sweet release. His tongue traveled down your collarbone and breasts.

"Cleon," you moaned, your hands on his chest to support your body better. You felt him twitch inside you, knowing he was dangerously close too. Quickly, you slid off him, taking his girth, slick with your own wetness, between your hand you pumped him hard, easing his own release. His seed coated your palm, sprinkling on his abdomen.

"Shit, you're great," he praised, voice dark from lust. His fingers tangled into your hair, his forehead against yours as you recovered from the intense sex session you had for the second time that day. He kissed you sweetly, like a sweetness he only had discovered in the short time with you. "I wish I could know your name."

"You can call me your savior," you gave him a playful smile.

After a shared lazy kiss, you got on your feet, legs still shaking, and left the bed to clean yourself in the small place you called bathroom right next to the only room of the ship. Once finished, you threw the cloth away, and looked directly the mirror, or poor attempt of it. In the damp glass, you watched Cleon appear to embrace your body against his, your back touching his chest muscles and his hands roamed your abdomen while he left butterfly kisses on your shoulder. His big arms around you, pressing your figure to his own, huge in comparison entrusting protection.

The nineteenth day it was, and you spent it exploring your pleassures, talking nonsense and overall for Cleon, thinking he might love you. The confinement had flourished different kinds of feelings and sentiments inside his heart. He finally learned to feel something else besides hatred, power, or selfishness. The more you spoke to him, the more he grew to like you. You were far from perfect and so was he, and the way you opened your heart to him - the man who was to wed a powerful queen, govern thrillions of people around the galaxy and kill a few others - caused him to feel unworthy of anything coming from you. The man he grew up to be slowly disappeared as long as you had him under your light and spirit; his old self was fading away. And it scared him, but excited him at the same time. Even when he was very aware you were near the end together, he had nothing to ask for but to perish with you.

"What's in your head?" you whispered.

Cleon had no longer been tasting the skin of your neck, his chin pressed on your shoulder instead with his mind running a million thoughts by now. He took a glance at the damp and dirty mirror of how perfect you looked, bare and exposed in body and soul, only for his eyes to witness the true beauty of being alive. Of being human.

"You."

A loving smile curled up on your lips, looking directly into his enamoured gaze through the mirror. He decided he wanted to remember you like this in the afterlife.

You finished marking the last spot with an 'x', a wide grin over your face.

"I won."

"Yet again," Cleon chuckled. His laugh had grew sincere with you as he settled on the floor on the cold floor of the pilot cabin, just giving enough space for the board between you and him. "And what is your question, person-I-not-know-the-name-of?"

You just had finished playing another round of a silly game. It was an old Terran game, and you were surprised it made it this far across the galaxy. It was good to pass the time though. It kept you and Cleon thinking about other things besides dying. The fuel and energy, along with the water, were lowering on their levels. Food on the other hand was not a worry, you knew you could request to the traders as long as energy was functioning to make communication with them. However, the energy of your ship had to be loaded in land, just like fuel. And you had no place to go now to do that.

Being together as long as you had the resources was the main goal now. So many things crossed your mind as you talked about everything and nothing at the same time the past days.

"Have you ever been in love?" you asked after some time thinking.

You thought maybe it was the first time in Cleon's life that he was finally able to think and behave on his own, with no burdens about a dinasty to protect or pleasing his council.

He was taken by surprise as you spoke. He immediately remembered Demerzel, his loyal advisor. His relationship was merely sexual, but there were no feelings that would assimilate to what love is in reality. For sure, his own clone should have been woken up by now with no further consequences. For Cleon, it felt like he was actually erased from existence forever. He was disposable, just like his brothers. But thinking about your question, his answer was no. He never knew what love was. Not from Demerzel, certainly not from Dusk, Dawn was slightly different though, he did love Dawn but not the way you were referring to. He never knew the love from a mother or a father, nor family. Sareth hated him, so even if they got to marry he knew there would be no space for such sentiment. His own future children with the Queen of Cloud Dominion would have grown up without an essential part of being human.

"No," Cleon finally gave an answer, his gaze went soft as he realised what you just became to him in a matter of days. "However I sense something different when I am with you. And I don't recall to know what that is."

You smiled. "Isolation tends to create adjustments in those who suffer it."

"And have you?" Cleon asked back. "Have you ever felt it before?"

"I did... With my parents, my brother, my best friends, and a couple of assholes who broke my heart."

He chuckled, admiring the charm you had to brush off the hardships in your life. You smiled back at him. Gods you loved seeing him like this, like if he was happy and nothing had happened.

"And how is it?" he said.

"It's affection, it's addictive, not everyone can escape from it. You feel like you belong somewhere, that your life is strangely complete," you mumbled, locking your gaze with his own. "And it hurts a lot. But as you go through that path, you get to know the most beautiful kind of pain."

"Does it hurt now?"

You swallowed hard, that familiar knot on your throat. You were not expecting to feel this way. Not for the Emperor, not for the clone, not for Cleon. Yet one does not control love. You don't decide to love someone without a reason. And what else could two lost souls do in the middle of the galaxy with no purpose but to wait and die? You had opened your deepest fears and secrets to him, not expecting Cleon doing exactly the same. He trusted you and you trusted him. You slept in the same bed, ate the same food and fruits, fucked like animals everyday and yet there was an emotional connection in between you thought would never know again after so many years. How could you not fall for him when everything was crumbling? Finally, you nodded your head, feeling the tears burning in your eyes.

"I always have been alone, Cleon, but my soul seems to have a little love to give. In the end, love is what makes us human."

Cleon put the board of the game away and leaned closer to you, his hand caressed your cheek, cleaning the tears falling down your face as he pressed his forehead with yours. He kissed you softly, swallowing your pain, as a way to say he was hurting too.

V. VOYAGE

It was the thirtieth day on the ship.

Your last try to get and land in any planet failed. As much as Cleon told you to stop, that everything was fine, you felt you had to keep trying until your last day. But the ship was basically to zero fuel and soon energy will follow. You used the control panel of the ship, hopefuly to find a near by land, but luck was not on your side. There was nothing. You don't know exactly how many miles you traveled with no course for a month. It was getting beyond bearing.

Frustrated, you pulled away the holo of the map and the calculations you did in the air, throwing a lose screw of your seat directly to the glass. It did nothing, but you were starting to hate the view of the stars and nothingness sorrounding.

"I told you to stop that," you listened to Cleon, who seemed just arrived to the pilot cabin.

"I had to try," you stood up, walking towards him. Your arms embraced his waist and he took you in with the same warmth.

"You're worried."

"I am not," you whined. "I should have sent for help with the merchants."

Cleon broke your hug and cupped your face between his hands, leaning closer to you.

"No, we should end this now," he whispered, his brows furrowed.

"No!"

"Why not? You wanted to do it even before you found me."

"Because now ending me is ending you too!"

Cleon felt your pain, but there was no other option to make than to blow up the ship anyway. Even if you were to land somewhere, what was for him? You were not able to go back home, and Cleon was discarded at this point. The throne could not have two of the same in the middle. Hiding and running away sounded like a good choice, but still, where? There was nothing left, but he found comfort with you.

"I am okay with this," he said. "I told you. You have to do it."

"Cleon-" you plea was cut by his voice.

"How much time do we have?"

"I don't know, a couple of days at last."

"Then do it. You said you were to decide when and how you would die, this is the time," he remembered with a stern voice. "Take it."

You let out a shaky breath and pushed him to press your lips to his own, like saying goodbye. But you still would not accept this fate. Not like this. You kissed him with hunger and need, your tongues tangled up as your mouths danced together.

"I just have- I can't yet," you mumbled once the kiss was over, leaving you both seeking for air. "Can we just fuck each others brains again and pretend none of this happened for a moment?" you asked against his lips, your hand now on his cheek, caressing the stubble on his face. You always remembered to help him shave and that was one of the most normal things you had to do since you found yourself confined with him. The most casual and mundane things to do became

He nodded. "Yes, my love.”

Cleon kissed your lips with the same hunger and desire, his hands caressing every inch of you until he lifted you up, your legs quickly went around his waist. With eyes closed, you let him guide you to the bar fixed against the wall of your ship.

He made sure to throw everything that was on the surface to the ground to place you in there. Once you were sitting, he pulled your legs apart to stand in the middle of them, and full with lust, his lips and teeth marked your neck and collarbone. You moaned sweetly, palming his groin still covered with the fabric of his pants. He traveled down your breasts, kissing over your shirt until he took it off. He was lucky you decided not to wear bra anymore. He sucked on your tits and nipples, grinding his hips against your hand.

You tried to pull his pants away, but he finished the job first, pulling away from your chest. After his pants were discarded, his shirt followed. He also got used to no underwear so he stood exposed all for you. A true god he was, looking perfect and like if every inch of his body was created for you to worship completely.

Cleon hurried in getting you out of your clothes, and in minutes you were naked and feeling his tongue dancing on your belly. His fingers and massive hands teasing your thighs, avoiding the place where you needed them the most. You moaned when he finally used a single digit to rub your slit, collecting your wetness. He rubbed your clit, mouth going slow and dangerously close to your pussy.

You laid your back on the bar and Cleon grabbed your thighs to have you exactly at the edge of the surface, ready to eat from your heat.

"Cleon," you cried out his name, your fingers tangled on his hair as his tongue licked your most sensitive parts.

He kept your hips in place, fucking you with his tongue and licking your folds, going to your clit. You couldn't help but whimper and moan, removing his hair to see just how much he yearned your cunt.

You tried to roll your hips but his grip was too strong. He looked up to lock his dark gaze with you, his humming creating strong vibrations down your core. He played some more, using a finger to tease your entrance. You were about to cum just by watching him.

"Cleon, please-" you gasped when he inserted a finger inside you, thrusting slowly. "Please, I want to taste you too."

He stopped, looking your flushed face for a moment. Your eyes were begging to suck him right now. He released your pussy with an obscene sound, pulling his tongue and hand away, but your wetness still shined on him. You got on the ground with his help and started to kneel down, kissing his skin, from his chest and then abdomen, licking and biting to leave your marks on his sculptured muscles. You made sure to adore and suck the skin of his navel, knowing he was insecure with not having a belly button. Still without it, he was more human than he could ever get to accept because you have seen that on him.

Cleon grunted once your hand wrapped around him, his hand on your scalp. You gave him a far from innocent look from your position before licking the head, rolling your tongue around it, lubing it with your saliva. His desperate groans led you to wrap your lips around him, pumping with your hand what you couldn't reach with your throat yet. You had to learn he was big for you, so a little of warm up for your mouth was a good start.

He cursed under his breath, thrusting his hips a little to go further, slowly, and you welcomed his cock with a small gag once he reached the back of your throat. He moaned darkly, your rubbed your thighs together when he started to fuck your mouth. Both his hands taking the sides of your head as you choked and gagged around his lenght. You felt him throbbing but he quickly pulled out, and left you empty and with drool falling from your lips, your pussy now aching and clenching around nothing.

"So beautiful," he purred, the touch on your scalp soft now. "But I want to finish inside you."

You nodded, obedient. Cleon helped you to sit down on the bar again, he stayed between your legs, spreading them wide, you held onto him, arms around his neck. He entered slowly, the warmth of your walls swallowing his cock, inch by inch, until it disappeared completely inside your dripping cunt.

You shivered, broken moans falling from your lips. Cleon muffled your low cries with kisses, waiting for you to get used to him.

"Fuck me, Cleon," you mumbled against his swollen lips.

He complied happily, thrusting and pounding into your heat, with a frenetic and brutal pace you had learn to love. You hid your face in the crook of his neck, yor nails scratching his arms and back. His cock touched all the right places inside you and he whispered sweet nothings into your skin, fucking you right under the light of the stars and the void of space.

He moaned along with you, wishing heaven or whatever it was after felt exactly like this. Like you, with your arms around him, your sweet voice calling his name lovingly and whimpering for more, giving your soul to him and only him. Your walls started to clench and his hips stuttered, aproaching a craving release. But in between, he heard a word against his ear you never mumbled before, turning his lustful eyes to you and slowing down his thrusts.

You repeated it again, he was visibly confused but kept ruting into you.

"My name," you said, fingers now caressing his hair.

He smiled. He knew it now. The stranger who saved him had a name after all. Cleon kissed you fiercely, repeating your name again and again between wet kisses. You were close to release, feeling one of his digits rubbing your clit as you moaned together. The wave of electricity took your body first, clenching your pussy around his cock. Cleon followed soon after, rhythm slow and tense muscles, until he spilled inside you, coating your sensitive cunt with his seed.

Catching your breath, you remained together. He sucked on your neck softly, your name was the only thought inside his mind. And as much as you loved his touch on you, you remembered there was something to do still.

"Cleon," you called, getting his attention and feeling he was pulling out of you with a low groan. He looked at you with loving eyes and you smiled. You brushed his hair with your fingers pulling him to yet another smooth kiss. "It's time."

He knew it was. In silence his fingers found his earring, twitsting it and pulling it apart. He took it from his ear and placed it on yours carefully. You were always amazed at his touch, how rough and yet soft and gentle he could be.

"So you can remember me," he smiled when he was over. You let out a laugh and curved your llps in a grin. "It suits you."

"Thanks, Cleon."

Cleon leaned down to kiss you one more time before cleaning both of you. You dressed together as if you were not about to meet finally death. For some reason, you saved everything that was not on their cabinets or initial positions, packing all you could, like if you could take those belongings with you, most of which were from your family. One day Cleon asked why you had clothes that could meet his height, being taller than a lot of people around. You told him it was from your best friend. You thought every piece of clothes or souvenirs would help someday, but it never crossed your mind that it was going to be this way.

When everything was was done, you and Cleon settled in front of the control panel, however, before you could start the holo, a loud explosion could be heard. You frowned, turning to Cleon.

"Did you-? Ah!"

The ship almost overturned as something heavy hit the side, making you trip and fall over with Cleon on the ground. Again, an explosion was heard, far from the ship but clear enough to say it was getting closer, and seconds later, the ship got hit but this time on the glass, almost breaking it over. Quickly, you both stood up and saw what was happening.

"A black hole..."

"Look, there are debris around," you pointed a huge piece that looked the size of your ship, but that definitely was part of a much bigger one. You saw the debris and metal being swallowed and destroyed by the black hole. It wasn't pacing fast, but wasn't slow either. It looked like it was talking its time for much bigger things to eat, such as your ship. Cleon called you, taking your hands and pressing his forehead to yours. You could feel he was shaking, and your skin grew cold. You realised it was really happening now.

"Do it," he said. "Destroy the ship."

After a moment of hesitation, you gave a nod. He kissed you deeply again. You turned the holo to activate the ship and program its own destruction.

"Self-destruction mechanism activated," the computer confirmed.

"We have sixty seconds," you mumbled, tears already forming in your eyes. He cut you off with a kiss. You would miss those warm lips on yours.

"That's enough for me," he said. You smiled and he did the same.

"I love you, Cleon," you embraced his body with a hug. "I am happy I met this kind of pain with you."

He cupped your cheeks, pecking your lips, smiling down at you, saying I love you too. You, the one who saved him and gave him a second chance. Or at least a moment of relief. A place and a person who allowed him to be himself and find things he never knew would have.

"We have more in common now," he whispered. "We are both alone and hurting somewhere in the galaxy.”

[nakedisko]

Today's yap: Commedia dell'arte & Gay subtext; Why is Közi dressed as the Pierrot in Verte Aile?

I've talked about this on Twitter a few months ago but since it is now banned to me i'll post my thoughts here as well. Hear me out.

First of all, let's just summarize the plot: Gackt and Judith are a happy couple who live with the nobleman Kami, Judith's brother Yu~ki and Mana, a maid/prostitute. Everything was fine until Gackt dreamed that a misfortune would befall them. Worried, he and Judith go to visit a fortune teller who, after a blood pact, warns them that they are cursed and Judith will die. Gackt gets depressed and spends his days at the bar lamenting the inevitable. When Judith finally dies, Gackt is left with the regret of not having enjoyed the time he still had with her.

There is also a subplot involving the hooded man and the book that leads to Gekka no Yasoukyoku PV, but that's not the focus right now.

You see, the Pierrot is originally a Commedia dell'arte character. It was an improvised form of theater, the shows took place on improvised stages and carts, the actors using whatever they could find around. The plot of the plays usually revolved around stories of lovers who could not stay together or master-servant relationships. the actors wore masks to play their characters, which were usually the same regardless of the story. Here are the three most relevant ones: Arlecchino, Colombina and Pierrot.

The most popular script involving them is simple: Pierrot is in love with Colombina and writes letters to her in secret, as he doesn't have the courage to confess his feelings. Then he gets his heart broken when Colombina gets with Allerchinno, who is more charismatic and flirtatious. Basically a love triangle.

Now, what does this have to do with Verte Aile?The thing is that there is also a love triangle, although more subtle. Gackt, Judith and Kami, I wouldn't say Kami is in love with Judith though, but with Gackt.

Notice that while Kami's character is in the spotlight, he's always looking at the couple, especially at Gackt. His expression is not one of joy though, he looks upset. And just like Pierrot, he does nothing but watch.

back to Közi, in his pantomime play is interesting to note how the soundtrack gives us clues about the characters' feelings. The scene begins with Közi performing a cheerful song, we have a close-up on each of the characters watching the performance and then... when the camera stops on Kami, he is gazing at Gackt and the music becomes melancholic.

Közi then simulates crying in his performance and cut his wrist, which Kami also did soon after that.

Also, Közi was wearing a mask that he took off just before he cut himself. Kami is the only character to appear wearing masks after this (Bel Air PV.) The mask may symbolize the feelings he was hiding the whole time.

I believe Közi's Pierrot symbolizes Kami's feelings for Gackt. seems very plausible to me, since it's not the first time Malice Mizer includes queer elements and Gackt participated in the script writing. If you know him you know he includes BL in his works quite often.

If you don't like this theory, you can also just say that Kami was in love with Judith. But I honestly don't see him paying any special attention to her during the movie. So it's up to you! Maybe I'll write more another day. ^3^

[imissylou]

Hello, I'm Missy! I've created many challenges in the past, and I'm best known for the Herbs and Spices Legacy, which I co-created with my friend @sunboyish. If you know me, you know how much I love butterflies—I even have multiple tattoos of them! I searched everywhere on Tumblr but couldn't find the original butterfly legacy challenge. If you happen to find it, please tag me so I can give proper credit.

Since I couldn't find the original, I created my own version, and I hope it's refreshingly different for you. I get bored of legacy challenges easily (it's not you, it's me), so I designed each generation to stand out with unique traits and stories. Feel free to skip or modify any parts that don't suit your play style. This challenge includes elements from all the packs (except the Star Wars pack, ew). If it becomes popular, I'll make a base game version or add base game options.

You're welcome to add to this challenge or create graphics for it—just tag me! Without further ado, here are the RULES! [TW: Neglect, Abuse, Substance Use, Murder, Religion, PTSD, Abortion]

Rules and first Generation under the cut!

Click here for the Doc

Butterfly Effect: A Legacy Challenge

Rules

Start out with 0 simoleons or enough to make a starter home then take the money away

Each gen only takes 20% of the funds your last generation accumulated

I love mods, so go ahead and get every mod out there, but just don't make the challenge too easy, trust me it gets boring if its easy

All CC is allowed

You don't have to level up any skills to level 10, they're just there so you have an idea on what you're going to do that generation - mostly from the career you're doing

Must complete each goal before moving on to the next generation, optional goals are optional

You don't have to complete any aspiration, unless it says

Life span can be on any, it's up to you

Make sure you look ahead each gen there may be overlap

You don't have to make this a berry challenge, but i did put a colour pallet if you want to use it

I haven't played through it yet so feel free to comment any suggestions or email me at imissylou1@gmail.com

Please tag me in all posts that are about my legacy - I’m nosey and want to see your lets plays or sim making, if you use insta you can find me @ imissylou5

If you play this challenge please use the #butterflyeffectlegacy or #BEL

Have Fun, this is your game after all!

Let's kick off this legacy with the epitome of elegance and grandeur—the Monarch! As the trendsetter of the family, your fashion sense is unparalleled, radiating style and sophistication in every outfit. Your iconic looks make you unforgettable, setting a high bar for all generations to come. Along with your keen fashion sense, you have an insatiable curiosity and just can't resist getting involved in everyone's business. You may be the first, but you’re destined to be remembered as the most glamorous, stylish, and intriguingly nosy generation. Get ready to strut your stuff, gather all the gossip, and set the runway on fire!

Your Colours - Orange and Black

Traits - Self Absorbed, Perfectionist, Nosy

Aspiration - World-Famous Celebrity

Skills - Writing, Charisma, Photography, and Painting

Career -  Style Influencer - Trend Setter Branch

Start as a Young Adult

Date Multiple People - You're Polyamorous!

Become Pregnant as an Adult, but you don't know who the Baby belongs too

Woohoo every partner you have the night you want to be pregnant, so you don't know the other parent

Do this every time you want to be pregnant

All your kids look like you dressed them up (which you do, no kid of yours will be trashy)

Have at least 2 outfits in each category

Go thrifting every weekend to collect all the thrifting clothing items

Get the squeamish trait if it pops up!

Have the Hungry for Love and People Person Lifestyles - Try to keep them throughout your whole life

Everytime you talk to someone, gossip with them

Optional

Travel every time you're stressed - Monarchs travel approximately 4,000 kilometres

@ts4challengehub

[lucvly]

BEL AIR — chris sturniolo. ♪

warnings › tooth rotting fluff. not proofread !

author’s note › i miss writing fluff :(. this is just a 3 am scenario but in writing. also, i’ve been naming all my fics after the lana song i’m listening to as i write <3.

2:30 AM, JANUARY 5.

the feeling of your bed slightly stirring made your eyes flutter open, the small beams of light entering your bedroom making it harder for you to even attempt to go back to sleep. the light startled your eyes, causing you to rub your eyes slowly before yawning and looking over to your right, seeing your boyfriend still residing in a peaceful sleep.

he looked gorgeous, as always. something about watching him sleep was always going to do it for you. his messy hair from stirring in his sleep, his mouth ever so slightly open as he breathed steadily and rhythmically, and of course he was hogging most of your shared blanket, but that undoubtedly was the least of your concerns as you indulged in the sweet moment that was these moments with your boyfriend.

seems like he could feel your lingering gaze on his face, or he could simply feel the absence of your presence and warmth near him, because his eyes started to open, blinking a few times to fully wake him up.

a smile started to form on your face as you watched him wake up, and he mirrored it, a lopsided smile also starting to appear on his lips as he started to actually be aware of the moment.

“stop watching me sleep, creep.” his morning voice was so groggy yet so clear, a chuckle escaping his lips as he leaned in to press a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“fine, next time i’ll just kick you off the bed.” your reply was quick, the tone in your voice still sounded like you were half asleep, and was followed by a roll of your eyes, then a quick kiss to his cheek.

“morning.” he finally said, his tone dripping the sweetness that you loved. his lopsided smile and the sleepy eyes made it hard to concentrate on anything other than him. like the fact you both had places to be in less than two hours.

“morning, i missed you.” you admitted, a soft giggle echoing in the room as you slightly moved closer to him, just enough to rest your head on his chest. being able to listen to his heartbeat was comforting, instantly making a wave of sleepiness wash over you once again.

“i missed you too,” he pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head, one arm rubbing your back gently, starting to trace random shapes and patterns into your skin with just his fingertips, causing shivers to run down your spine as your head laid comfortably on his chest.

“i don’t wanna get up, seriously.” you let out a sigh, the warmth and feeling of safety he radiated was overpowering your will to fully get up, even though you were well aware you both had a busy day.

“me neither.” he groaned, placing another kiss on the top of your head once again, his hand moving to play with your hair gently. “what if we just stayed in bed all day?”

you couldn’t help but giggle. he was truly the sweetest, and if he continued pleading you were sure he would’ve convinced you to stay in bed with him for the rest of the day.

against all your wishes, you pulled away from his embrace and sat up on the end of the bed, still taking in the morning sun and the smell of the vanilla scented candle you left burning throughout the night, which you probably had to put out.

“c’mon, i’ll make breakfast.” you finally stood up, looking for your slippers before actually even thinking about making your way to the kitchen.

“come back to bed, i’ll just push the meeting with matt and nick,” he whined, his arms reaching for you as you leaned over to him and placed a quick kiss to his lips. “please?” his morning voice was still evident, and he knew this made it almost impossible for you to say no.

“fine. five more minutes.”

[raythekiller]

. . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Welcome ˎˊ˗ ⌨

hi!! I'm Ray (they/he/it), hope you enjoy your stay!

(yall can send requests in EN, PT or ES)

˗ˏˋ requests: open ´ˎ˗

╰┈➤ Rules

I write for: (BanningK's) Jeff The Killer, Ticci Toby, BEN, Eyeless Jack, Masky/Tim & Hoodie/Brian (u can request others tho, I'll probably check the creepypasta and write for them anyway, but these are my main ones) (pls request some creepy women I'm begging)

needless to say I won't do stuff like pedophilia, zoophilia, non-con or anything like that. I also won't do yandere for now.

NSFW however is totally allowed.

honestly just don't be weird. if you don't know if I'm comfortable with something, send it in and I'll let you know.

the reader is always gender neutral unless stated otherwise. I'll also write non x reader content (like general headcanons and such)

I also take drawing suggestions (not "requests" cause there's no guarantee I'll actually do it)

I delete asks when I don't have any ideas for them, so if I didn't answer yours, this is why. You can send smth else tho

tags: #ray.writes (for headcanons/scenarios) #ray.draws (for art) #ray.talks.shit (for random asks/ramblings) #oc.lane hellshire (for stuff about my child)

╰┈➤ Masterlist (UNDER CONSTRUCTION)

GENERAL HEADCANONS

- ,, # JEFF THE KILLER MASTERLIST - ,, # BEN DROWNED MASTERLIST

- ,, # TICCI TOBY MASTERLIST

- ,, # EYELESS JACK MASTERLIST

- ,, # LAUGHING JACK MASTERLIST

- ,, # MASKY MASTERLIST

- ,, # Personality HC (Jeff, Toby, Ben, EJ, Masky, Hoodie)

- ,, # Mean S/O With A Soft Spot For Him (Hoodie)

- ,, # Their Petpeeves (Jeff, Ben, Toby, EJ, LJ, Masky, Hoodie)

- ,, # Realizing They're In Love (Jeff, Ben, Toby, EJ, LJ, Masky, Hoodie)

- ,, # Plus Sized Goth S/O (Toby, Masky, Hoodie)

- ,, # Their Ideal S/O (Jeff, Ben, Toby, EJ, LJ, Masky, Hoodie)

- ,, # Their Music Taste (Jeff, Ben, Toby, EJ, Masky, Hoodie)

- ,, # Quiet Reader (Toby, Masky, Hoodie)

- ,, # Reader Who Dissociates (Toby, Masky, Hoodie)

- ,, # Corruption Kink (Hoodie)

- ,, # NSFW Headcanons (Nina, Jason)

- ,, # General Headcanons (Kate, Clockwork, Jane, Nina)

- ,, # Bimbo Reader (Nina)

- ,, # Their Kinks (Jeff, Ben, Toby, EJ, Masky, Hoodie)

- ,, # Reader Sucking In Their Stomach (EJ, Masky, Hoodie)

- ,, # Their Music Taste (Nina, Clockwork, Kate, Jane, Helen)

- ,, # Reader With A Quiet Voice (Toby, Nina)

- ,, # Reader With Narcolepsy (Clockwork, Hoodie)

- ,, # Reader Gets Hurt (Jeff, Ben, Toby, EJ, Masky, Hoodie, Clockwork, Nina, Kate, Jane)

- ,, # SFW And NSFW Headcanons (Lane - OC)

- ,, # Femme S/O (Clockwork)

- ,, # NSFW Alphabet (Nina)

- ,, # Reader Happy Stimming (Toby, EJ, Clockwork, Jane)

- ,, # S/O Making Them Jealous (Jeff, Ben, Toby, EJ, Lane - OC)

- ,, # General Headcanons (Cody)

- ,, # LGBT Headcanons (Jeff, Ben, Toby, EJ, LJ, Candypop, Masky, Hoodie, Cody, Helen, Clockwork, Nina, Kate, Jane)

- ,, # Their Ideal S/O (Clockwork, Kate, Nina, Jane)

- ,, # Jennifer's Body-Like Entity Reader (Jeff, Ben, Toby, EJ, Masky, Hoodie)

- ,, # Reader With Anxiety Tics (Jeff, Ben, Toby, EJ, Masky, Hoodie, Clockwork, Kate, Nina)

- ,, # Reader With A Thick Accent (Jeff, Toby, EJ, Masky, Hoodie, Helen)

- ,, # Innocent-Looking Hypersexual Reader (Toby, EJ, Nina)

- ,, # General Headcanons (Lane - OC)

- ,, # Vampire Reader (Jeff, Ben, Toby, Masky, Hoodie, Clockwork)

- ,, # Reader Who Gets Tired When It Rains (Toby, EJ, Clockwork, Jane)

- ,, # Slendermansion Headcanons

- ,, # Reader Who Uses ASL (Jeff, Ben, Toby, EJ, Hoodie, Jane)

- ,, # SFW Headcanons (Nina)

- ,, # Shy Reader (Jeff, Ben, Toby, EJ, Masky, Hoodie)

ASK GAME

- ,, # Dislikes Headcanons (Lane - OC)

SCENARIOS/DRABBLES

- ,, # Heaven And Back (Hoodie x Prude! Reader) (NSFW/suggestive)

- ,, # Mine (Lane - OC x GN! Reader) (NSFW)

ART

- ,, # Nap time (Sally)

- ,, # Goofy guy (Jason The Toymaker)

- ,, # Lane The Lurker (Lane - OC)

- ,, # Aishite (Lane - OC)

- ,, # Brahms The Butcher (Brahms - OC)

- ,, # Fanservice (Lane - OC)

- ,, # Amigos (Lane - OC, Ghost Boy - OC)

- ,, # Plushie (Lane - OC)

ANONS MY BELOVEDS

🪦 Anon

🫀 Anon

🦇 Anon

📚 Anon

Caliginous Anon

👾 Anon

🔪 Anon

🥩 Anon

🐚 Anon

🧸 Anon

🦈 Anon

Tulip Anon

🦐 Anon

🫧 Anon

🚙 Anon

🐦‍⬛ Anon

🐇 Anon

🌙 Anon

🌻 Anon

🍬 Anon

🗯️ Anon

🍒 Anon

🌲 Anon

[talknerdytome18]

Ranking All Books by Holly Jackson

Since I've read all of Holly's books, I'm going to rank them! Disclaimer: This is my opinion. If we don't have the same opinion, then respect that. Let's go!

Warning: this may contain spoilers for all books published by Holly Jackson. If you don't want to be spoiled, then scroll away.

6. Killjoy (2021)

I found this story cute! Very fun and fast-paced. I loved seeing how it all started and loved seeing the friend group's dynamic again. I just found this to not be the best out of all of Holly's books (granted this is a novella, but it's not my fave). Also, too much Ant Lowe in my opinion. I would have preferred more Jamie Reynolds. Also, I personally think Connor and Zach should've kissed but oh well.

Overall, fun book! If you wanna go back to where it all started, then this novella is worth it.

5. Five Survive (2022)

Guys... I have a reason why this book is ranked so low. I'm going to start by saying that I did not hate this book. I found the story intriguing and was engaged once the action started. For her first standalone, this book was really good and exceeded my expectations. My main problem with this book was that I found that I could care less about the characters. Personally, I found Red Kenny to be a weak protagonist in comparison to Pip and Bel and, not to mention how I could care less about Red and Arthur. Red and Arthur are cute, but honestly, I could care less if they got together or not.

Again, I don't hate this book. For Holly's first standalone, it was really good. However, I found that I didn't really care for any of the characters.

Overall, good book! Wish I connected more to the characters because the premise is incredible.

4. Good Girl, Bad Blood (2020)

All books in the AGGGTM series are five star reads in my opinion, but I find this the weakest book in the trilogy. Honestly, I love this book with my whole heart. Coming from being Connor Reynolds's biggest fan, I love how much he appeared in this book and how he aided in finding Jamie.

I think this book suffers from what I've dubbed "Sequel Slump" - meaning that the first book is so good that the sequel "slumps" in comparison. In this case, A Good Girl's Guide to Murder is so good that this book just "slumps" in comparison, and I think it's because it takes a while for the mystery to officially begin, since we're taken through a quick recap over the previous book's events and then the memorial.

Also, I personally think that Connor and Zach should've kissed. Connor going to Zach's house to play Fortnite after the memorial? Very fruity to me (joking... or am I?)

Overall, love this book. Wish it got more recognition in the fandom.

3. A Good Girl's Guide to Murder (2019)

LOVE THIS BOOK. This book is fast-paced, thrilling and mysterious. It has a healthy dose of mystery and romance, along with characters I truly felt interested in. Pip's an amazing protagonist who fought hard to prove Sal innocent and find the real killer under the guise of her EPQ, all as she got the guy (Ravi Singh) in the end.

I loved that this book kept me guessing until the very end. I was suspecting everyone (Max, Jason, Naomi, Elliot, etc) and was genuinely surprised finding out Elliot killed Sal. Holly had written him to be such a likeable person that I couldn't believe he would kill Sal just so he could frame him as Andie's killer. AND BECCA? Never would've guessed it. Holly Jackson knows how to write compelling thrillers and I love that for her.

My only real complaint is again, Zach and Connor should've kissed. Connor honey I get that you liked Pip, but Zach Chen is literally right there. You boys are soulmates and I pray that the show recognises that (along with LauCara).

Overall, AMAZING BOOK. Deserves all the hype!

2. As Good as Dead (2021)

AHHHHH I LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUCH. THIS BOOK IS HOW YOU END A TRILOGY GUYS. From the beginning, I was hooked by the mystery of Pip's stalker. This book broke my heart with Andie's email - poor girl was so scared of her father and died trying to escape him. I really like how this book doesn't give Andie a full redemption arc, rather it explains her actions. It really humanises Andie - a girl who grew up in a toxic environment and died trying to save herself and her sister.

My heart shattered when Pip broke up with Ravi. AND HIS SUGGESTION WAS TO MARRY SO THEY COULD GET SPOUSAL PRIVILEDGE??? RAVI FUCKING SINGH WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME???

The ending? EVIL. FUCKING EVILLLL BUT I LOVE HOLLY EITHER WAY. In my heart, I believe Pip got back together with him and they married. They also got another golden retriever in my mind after they got married.

Only complaint was WHERE WAS ZACH CHEN? CONNOR AND HIM SHOULD'VE KISSED WTF. Not to mention Lauren and Cara... Love my girl Steph though. Hoping that Lauren and Cara are a thing in the show though since we don't know much about Steph.

Overall, BEST BOOK IN THE TRILOGY GUYS.

The Reappearance of Rachel Price (2024)

HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

THIS BOOK... I WILL ONLY SAY ONE WORD: BRILLIANT.

When Holly Jackson said that this book was her favourite, I can see why it is. While I struggled to get into it from the beginning, once I read past 100 pages, I was hooked. Bel Price is such a complex protagonist that I could find myself relating to. All the characters were just so complex and you truly don't know who's lying until the very end, when we find out (spoiler alert) that Charlie (Bel's dad) had ordered his father to kill Rachel.

Not to mention how insane the sibling plotline was??? I NEVER WOULD HAVE SUSPECTED THAT CARTER WAS RACHEL'S BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER. My heart broke when Rachel spoke about how Patrick took Carter away from her when Carter was only two weeks old. The Price family are truly disgusting - Rachel, Bel and Carter deserved so much better.

Also, I preferred the romance between Ash and Bel over Arthur and Red. Ash is such a fun character and I was genuinely sad when him and Bel weren't endgame. I believe that one day, in the near future, they reunite and get together officially.

Overall, LOVE THIS BOOK. If you haven't picked this up yet, then do so now!

~~~~

That's it! If you wanna talk, then my inbox is open :) - Em

[caramello-styles]

that was my girlfriend bel 😭😭😭 everyone went nuts including me!! YOU GOT ME THERE ANGIE!! AND SHE IS COMING HOME WITH HIM!! this is just perfect 😭 beautifully done to close this book, you are incredible angie 🥹 each chapter got me hook with the perfect amount of angst and fluff 🥺 finally finished reading this book, their love, their journey— its bittersweet 😭😭 they are forever engraved in my heart, your piece brought so much joy in my life 🤍 I can see your brilliant mind throughout this series, thank you so much for sharing it with us angie 🥺🤍 once again, YOU ARE INCREDIBLE 😜

Home

tonight we say goodbye

Word count: 16646

A/N: hi friends! this is it, the moment you've all been waiting for the final part to love on tour. i know i made you wait some time, but promise this will be worth it. i love you and i do hope you know the door isn't closed for them, your favorite couple will return.

please remember to reblog! let me know what you thought!

warnings: smut, fluff, not a hint of angst.

love on tour series // previous part

New York, New York

“El universo te manda el amor que te mereces.” 

You're sitting in your papi's lap, head tilted to the side, eyes wide with curiosity. “¿Y qué amor es ese papi?”

He reached his hand up and stroked your cheek affectionately before booping your nose with his index finger, making your laugh ring around the room. 

“Uno que te llena de tanto amor que sientes que sale de ti.”

"¿Tienes eso con mami?" You asked, knowing very well what the answer would be. 

“Por supuesto. Tu mami es mi otra mitad. Mi alma gemela. Ella me llena de tanto amor, y hago todo lo posible para recordárselo todos los días.”

His smile is soft as if he's letting himself get lost in the memory, but you aren't done with the conversation yet. 

“Y yo, papi. ¿Encontraré a mi alma gemela?”

“Mantén tu corazón abierto, mi vida y lo harás.” He assures you. 

"How will I know?" Your face is filled with concern, wanting love just like your parents. 

Your papi chuckles, sensing your worry. He kisses your cheek, holding your face gently, making you look at his beautiful chocolate eyes that always leave you mesmerized. 

“Él sabrá la canción favorita de tu mamá.”

You nod, taking in the information. At only eight years old, you're already so curious, wanting to know all the answers to the universe but having to wait. For now, you'll settle for enjoying your parents' unconditional love.

"Did I lose you, querida?" Harry chuckles, grabbing hold of your hand, the cold press of his rings against your warm palm startling you. 

"Daydreaming," you chuckle, sitting up. You hold his hand tighter. 

"Of me?" Harry teases. 

You shake your head, "cheeky man."

"A guy can dream," he laughs, leaning in and kissing your cheek. 

"What were you saying before?" 

"Oh, that Gemma is on her way up." 

Your eyes widen. You feel your heart begin to speed up. 

"Already?" 

Harry chuckles, "come on, it'll be fine." 

You're grateful that he's trying to be reassuring, but it doesn't lessen your nerves. 

"Harry." 

"Yes?" 

"This is serious," your voice raising. 

"Bel," he shakes his head, "you've met my mum."

"I know," you sigh. 

"And she loved you," he reminds you.

You feel your face heat it up, but don't let it stop you. "It's your sister." 

"I'm aware."

You roll your eyes, continuing to share your concerns. "You look up to her. You've told me all these wonderful stories about her. How much you love and support each other. I'm aware of how important sibling relationships are." You take a deep breath. "I want her to like me." 

"We already know she does," Harry jokes. 

You muster up a slight grin. "No, H, want her to like me. Not the person you can see on your TV or theatre screens." 

"Oh, querida. Mi sol, I'm sorry." He kneels down in front of you. You can see the sincerity in his face for brushing off your concerns. Harry brings your hand to his lips, pressing soft kisses on your knuckles. "She's going to love you, Bel. Because you're kind, sweet, honest, and funny." 

"Promise?" You ask timidly.

"I promise, and if not, I'll give her a stern talking," he says, making you laugh. 

"Okay, let's meet Gemma." 

"And Michal," he reminds you.

"Right, of course." 

Harry stands up, and you follow right behind, stopping right by the door that will lead you to the living room, where Jeff is already greeting Gemma and Michal. You take a deep breath squeezing tightly onto the hand Harry allowed you to hold but knew he would soon be letting go to properly greet his sister and her boyfriend. 

"Love you, Bel." Harry reminds you as he begins to push the door open, giving you the final few seconds to nod and repeat the sentiment. 

As soon as he opens the door, you can see a beautiful pale brunette with similar facial structures, making you want to laugh because Harry was beautifully tan while Gemma burned when in the sun too long. Something she always envied she shared with you one time when you joined in on one of hers and Harry's facetime calls. 

The smile on her face was just as beautiful as Harry's, if anything, seemed friendlier. Less reserved than Harry was when you first met so many years ago. 

"Gemma!" Harry cheers loudly, holding tight to your hand as she steps away from Jeff to greet you both. 

"H, you look well." She brings him in for a hug, and at that moment, he lets go of you, but you don't feel like you're drowning. Instead, you feel anchored watching the two siblings hug and whisper to each other before pulling apart, laughing at a joke one must have told. In the next second, Harry is back by your side, intertwining your fingers. He saw you didn't need the support, but it was comforting. He gave you exactly what you needed, and you were grateful. 

"Gemma, this is Y/N Belmonte, my girlfriend," Harry tells her proudly. The twinkle in Gemma's eyes grows bright as she eyes your hand that is clasped in his. 

"Hello, Gemma. Lovely to meet you. Bel is fine if you'd like." 

"I'd like," she jokes. 

You nod, glad she's not as shy as Harry when meeting new people. You couldn't handle that right now. Not when you're focused on making a good first impression and trying to bite back a laugh at looking at Michal, who is hiding behind Gemma but failing to do so because of his tall frame. 

"Is a hug okay, or are you permanently glued to his side," Gemma teases when Harry tugs you closer to his side. 

"A hug would be wonderful."

You and Gemma meet in the middle, her hug warm and comforting, almost as similar to Anne if anything, she doesn't squeeze you as tight, giving you space to back away if you feel you need to.

"It's lovely to meet you, Bel." She whispers in your ear. 

"You as well, Gemma. I've been looking forward to it." 

You feel her laugh, "still mad mum met you first, actually more mad Harry met you first." 

"Why, think if you met me first, we'd be best friends instead of with your brother, Gemma, the best friend snatcher," you decide to joke. You tense up, pulling away to see her reaction. 

Gemma is still for a second before laughing aloud, bringing you in for another hug, much shorter than the first.  

"God, I love you. You're funny." 

You let out the deep breath you were holding, "I'm serious. I hope we can be friends."

Gemma nods, "I'd like that." 

"What did Bel say? I want to laugh," Harry whines, slipping his arm around your waist. 

"It's a secret," you wink at Gemma.

Harry gasps dramatically, "already teaming up against me, rude." The smile on his face says different. You know he's glad all your nerves are gone, and you feel comfortable with his sister. 

Now time to meet Michal, the quiet one. 

"Hi, Michal, right?" You wave, offering him a kind smile, hoping to get a response, but he moves closer to Gemma, who only nudges him forward, doing nothing to help him. 

"Michal, you're embarrassing me." Gemma fails to whisper, causing the entire room to laugh. 

"It's lovely to meet you," you try again. 

"He watched your film on the way here," Gemma snickers. 

"Gem," Michal scolds. 

"Oh, that's sweet." You look over at Harry, who's holding back a smile and only shrugs at you. 

"Well, of course, you're brilliant." He offers, before looking away sheepishly, his cheeks going red. 

You smile at him kindly, unsure how to move the conversation with him being so timid. 

"Now Michal, relax, stop flirting with my girlfriend," Harry teases, causing Michal to turn to Gemma shaking his head before turning to you. 

"I wasn't." He answers. 

"Kidding," Harry replies, and finally, everyone joins in laughing, cutting all tension. 

First meetings are hard, but you like to think it went well. 

You all sat down having breakfast together; Jeff had long excused himself and talked. All the nerves went away for everyone as you got to ask each other questions. Gemma mainly asks about your family, and Harry jumps in to tell them all about your family up in Minnesota, not wanting you to feel pressured to talk about your parents, and you were thankful for that. As much as you like Gemma and Michal, you aren't as comfortable pouring your life story as you were with Harry back in St. Paul. He tells them as much as he remembers before Gemma shuts him up with a gentle slap to his head. 

"Oi," Harry rubs his head while Gemma snickers lightly. 

"Want to hear from Bel, not you. Hear enough from you." 

"Gemma, you're being rude." 

You and Michal sit back, enjoying the siblings go back and forth with their meaningless teasing. Both the smiles on their faces are permanent. 

"Is it always like that when they reunite?" 

Michal nods, looking away from them to stare at you, seeing how you're taking it in, but it reminds you of Naomi and her siblings. "Always. Think you can get used to it?" 

You don't hesitate when you answer, "nothing I'd love more." 

After Harry finally settles down, giving his sister a kiss on her head, he leans back into you, the smile on his face shining bright, and it brings you joy that you get to enjoy these moments together. 

"What do you have planned for the week?" You ask them, having moved to the couch settling next to Harry as he holds on tight to your hand. You know he's doing his best to hold back on PDA, not wanting to make you feel embarrassed or make anyone uncomfortable. He respects you. 

"We want to tour Yankee Stadium," Michal tells you, practically bouncing out of his seat for excitement. 

You widen your eyes in surprise, "Yankee fans? Yikes," you grimace. 

"Not a fan," Gemma states. 

"Nope. I don't follow the sport much, but if I had to pick one, the Boston Red Sox is the only team." You tell them proudly. 

Gemma looks at Harry, who's frowning now. "H is a big fan of the Yankee's." Harry shoots her a deep glare for bringing it up. "Even has a Vintage Yankee jacket he had Lambert find."

"Nope, can't do this." You say while standing up, moving to walk away from him, teasing him. "End of relationship." 

Harry rolls his eyes at your dramatics, reaching his hands forward and wrapping his hands around your waist, pulling you into his lap where you fall back on him dramatically. He buries his face in your neck, peppering you with kisses as you giggle in his lap.

"Say you didn't mean it," his voice muffled, but you understand him.

"H,"

"Bel, please," he begs. 

You sigh and sink back into his hold. He tightens his arms around your waist, "didn't mean it, of course, I didn't." 

"Good," he confirms. 

You peck his cheek before asking him to release you. Harry does so reluctantly, looking up at his sister, who looks away quickly as if to try to hide she wasn't watching you both. You feel your face heat up at the thought of them seeing the private exchange. 

"Hey, she's fine with it. Think she enjoys seeing me happy." 

You nod, "I know, still not used to it." 

"Well, my love, I'll never stop showing you how much I love you."

"Hope you won't. I enjoy it." You remind him, "but–" 

"To an extent," he finishes for you. 

Gemma smiles at you both, deciding not to comment anything, and you appreciate it. You know Gemma will most likely grill Harry on this later, and well, he can share as much as he wishes. You all flow back into the conversation, you ask Gemma about her cats, and they express how nice it is to be taking a short vacation. They are excited to tour New York and get to see Harry perform. 

"Question," Gemma directs her attention to you as she takes a bite of her donut. "Do you ever just want to speak Spanish?" 

You tilt your head, "what do you mean?" 

She clears her throat, "was that rude?" 

You laugh and shake your head no. "Not at all, but what is your question? I do speak it often. One of my best friends speaks it when I call them. Comes naturally when we're together." 

"I just wanted to know if you ever just wanted to speak Spanish, letting go of English. Like I know a bit of French, and if I could, it's all I'd speak, such a beautiful language." 

You lean in, nodding, understanding where she's coming from. "That'd be nice. I grew up with both languages. Honestly, I'm comfortable speaking both. Especially when I'm alone, I like to speak to myself in Spanish to keep that part of my family alive."

"She sings it all the time," Harry chirps in.

"You enjoy singing?" Michal asks. 

You feel your face heat up. No one speaks about your singing, really, unless it's for filming. "Yes," you answer timidly. "I do enjoy belting my lungs to some classics."

Harry nudges your shoulder, "she's wonderful. Might have to get her to collab with me." 

"Thank you, amor. But I'll stick to acting, so no need to discuss my nonexistent singing career." You pat his knee, knowing he wasn't joking about having you sing with him.

Gemma grins but agrees to lets it go. 

"There are times I struggle with a word only knowing it in Spanish, and then Harry has to play a game of guess the item." 

"Does that happen often?" 

"No" "Yes," You and Harry reply simultaneously. 

Harry shrugs while you roll your eyes, "it happens enough that we can laugh about it." 

They don't inquire further, which you're thankful for. 

"How's your Spanish, H?" Gemma asks, smirking. 

"It's good, surprisingly." He chuckles. 

You smile brightly, placing a kiss on his cheek. "H knowing Italian is a big help."

"We can make out the difference." 

"Also helps that you both speak English," Michal jokes.

That gets you all laughing, 

"That it does, mate." Harry leans back on the couch, bringing you with him. 

You let yourself settle down next to Harry and take in the heartwarming environment, glad that this first meeting has gone well.

Gemma and Michal had excused themselves for the day, promising to come back later to get dinner together, leaving you and Harry to spend time together as you relaxed in your massive hotel room for the last evening before the final show. 

You thought Harry would want to go out with Gemma, but he promised you he was perfect at your side. That he'd have the time to spend with her for dinner later. It made you feel like you were imposing on his time, but his kisses assured you there was nowhere else he would rather be. 

Harry and you were lounging on the couch, reading your books snuggled close. He'd peek down at you every so often to take in your reaction to the part you were reading, which led to you pausing. Tilting your head up to look at him before you could even question him, his pink lips would connect with both of you losing your pages before pulling away, smiling down at your respective books, trying to find the page you left out on. 

This was love. 

This was everything. 

This was everything you didn't know you were searching for. It's all you would ever need. 

"You alright, haven't flipped the page yet," Harry asks, and you can hear the concern in his voice. 

You lean back, letting him see the smile you're giving him. "Perdida en mi cabeza."

"Silly, Bel. Come back to me." 

"I'm here," you promise. 

"Boring book?" He asks. "We can switch if you want." 

You shake your head, but grateful he offered, "like it just fine, promise was just thinking." 

"If you're sure, baby." 

"I am."

He leans down, leaving a kiss on your nose then your forehead. "Let's read for a bit more, then a bath, mi cariño." 

"Sueno bien, corazón." 

Harry had closed his book and pressed a kiss to the top of your head, "going to start the bath." He stretched as he made his way into the bedroom. You checked your phone to see that over two hours had passed. It meant it was time to eat, you thought to follow Harry to help him prepare for your bath together only to stop when you heard a knock on the door. 

You walked towards it, opening it up only to be met with Glenne and Gemma.

"Glenne!" You shout. "You're here." 

Glenne grins, walking in as you move, welcoming them both in. 

"Arrived a bit ago, spending some time with my husband." 

"Ah, of course. Help keep the grumpiness away." You laugh with her as she brings you in for a hug. It's welcoming, and you're over the moon to see her knowing that it might be some time before you get together again after these next few nights. 

"Hi Gemma," you offer her a hug, "glad to see you again." 

"I know. I know, not as cool as Glenne. I get it," she teases. 

"Not at all. It's just been a minute since I've seen her." You tell her hoping she wasn't offended by your excitement to see a mutual friend. "Oh, I forgot to ask earlier. I wanted to get your number. Want to stop having to talk through a middle man." Heading over to the couch where your phone sits with your book and Harry's. 

You walk back over, handing it to her as Glenne makes herself welcome, grabbing a drink from the fridge you had. 

"All set," Gemma says, handing your phone back. "I was tempted to put myself down as a future sister-in-law but thought I was getting ahead of myself." 

You laugh, shaking your head, "definitely too soon." 

Glenne butts in with her sparkling water in hand, "you never know."

"Whatever, time will tell." Your face is warm, and you just want them to change the topic, although you enjoy the teasing. Reminds you of Naomi, and it's nice to know you can have similar friendships with those in Harry's life. 

"We are here because we want to ask you to dinner, Bel." 

"That sounds great," you say excitedly. "Let me ask, H."

"No, Bel," Gemma stops you. "Just us. Well, Glenne and Sarah." 

"You want to have dinner with me and not your brother." 

Gemma nods, eager for you to agree.

You're shocked. 

"Really?" You check again. 

Gemma laughs, "why are you surprised? I want to get to know you."

You look down, feeling sheepish, and shrug. It's not often people who try to get to know you or that you let others in. 

"Come on, grab your coat, and we'll go." Gemma grabs your hand excited, and you nod. 

You tell them you'll be quick, needing to check with Harry first. 

"Amor?" 

"In here," he calls out from the bathroom.

You peek your head in to see him sitting on the tub's edge, watching it fill up. His hand dipped in to check the temperature, ensuring it's to your liking. A massive part of you wants to stay and enjoy this bath. You know Harry will tell you to go. 

"Gemma invited me out to dinner." You speak quietly but know he heard as he pulls his hand out, drying it on the lavender hand towel in his lap.

"Oh darling, that's great." The smile on his face is sincere, his dimples on display. 

"Yeah, wants to go now." 

Harry nods, "do you not want to go?

"I do," you quickly answer. 

"Then why do you look sad?"

You step in between his thighs, his hands resting on your waist. "Because we had plans." You raise your hand to run through his wild curls you've been playing with all day. 

"Mi sol, it's okay. There's always tomorrow." 

"But you were getting the bath ready." 

"Then I'll enjoy a bath by myself." 

You pout at the thought, and he catches on quickly. 

Harry clears his throat, "I meant that I'm going to have an awful time in the bath alone."

"You're mean." You're tempted to go out and tell the ladies no. 

"Teasing, baby." He leans his forehead on your stomach. "Go have fun. I'll meet up with the boys for dinner, then we can go to bed together." 

"Okay," you agree finally. "Okay, don't fall asleep without me." 

"I could never." He promises you. 

Harry pulls away, looking up at you, and you peck his lips quickly, "bye then." 

You go to leave, but he sticks his thumbs through the hooks of your pants, keeping you in place. 

"Wait, wait," There's a smirk on his face, and you know exactly what he's going to ask for. 

“What happened, corazón?” Acting as if you didn't know what he was searching for. 

"Need a proper kiss, baby." 

You smile because, of course, he does. You step in closer, bringing your hands up over his shoulders to rest on his cheeks, having him look up at you as you begin to lean down close. His green eyes shine bright as you nudge your nose with his before closing your eyes letting your lips finally collide. It's soft and slow, and neither of you rushed to have it end. His hands move to rest over yours, stopping you from pulling away, not that you'd want to. 

Harry stays kissing you, not letting up. Both of you, not caring to take a deep breath, instead continue to take more from each other. Just as Harry guided you to sit on his lap, your name was called, telling you to hurry it up that they picked up your coat. 

"Bye, amor." 

"Bye, baby. Be safe." 

"Te amo." You remind him as you're walking out.

"Love you, Bel," he shouts, and you know everyone in the living room heard, but you don't care. His love is not something you know he'll never hide. 

Glenne has a coat in hand, telling you she knows which was yours and ushers you out the door before Harry could stop you, she jokes. 

"Hi Sarah," you greet. "Sorry for the rush." 

She throws her arm around you, "it's fine." Sarah nods her head to the other two ladies pressing rapidly for the elevator. "Those two like to rush when together." 

You chuckle, "I can see that. How's the bubs?" 

"Great," Sarah's smile grows as she talks about her son. "Mitch said he'd visit Harry if he got rowdy." 

"Bet he'd enjoy that."

"Who more, Mitch or Harry?" Gemma chimes in.

"Harry," you reply. "He likes taking care of little ones."

"I can't even count how many children he godfathers," Gemma comments, shaking her head. 

You all laugh, "godchildren are precious. I like that he has so many." 

"Speaking of, Mitch said he gave you dibs on our second child."

You roll your eyes. "is that how he told you?" 

Sarah shakes her head no, "he told me the conversation you had, but the gist is, you have dibs still." 

"Hey, if you both agree to it. I'm all for it."

"Do you have godchildren, Bel?" Gemma asks as you all slip into the elevator. 

"I do. Her name is Violet. She's three, turns four in March." 

"That's a precious name. Do you see her often?" 

"I do. Vi lives in New York with her father and his partner." You unlock your phone leaning in closer to Gemma, opening up the folder titled "Vi" to show her all the photos you have that you're thankful Alexander always sends you. "This was her in Oregon recently." You show her a picture of Vi sitting in a pile of snow, a pout on her face and nose red close to tears. 

"She's a beauty. Is she coming to the show?"

You shake your head no. "Not this time." 

"Didn't they come down for a show when Molly was here," Sarah mentions remembering she met the young girl.

"Yeah, I introduced H to them. Got on well with him. Nice to have him meet more family." 

"Does she call you Flower?" Gemma asks.

You gasp in surprise, "she does. How did you know?" 

Gemma nudges your shoulder, "as if you don't know my brother, you're all my brother talks about." 

You shake your head, looking down at your boots, feeling overwhelmed at the information. It's nice to know he shares about you, and it makes you wonder if you'd be doing the same with your parents. They might have even met by now, and you know they would have loved Harry. You know it.

Walking out of the elevator and into the lobby, you can see out the windows and see the sun has begun to set. 

"Bel, your coat." Glenne opens it up, helping you slip it on. 

"Thank you."

"No worries, babes." 

"It looks warm," Gemma comments.

You pull it closer around you, "very warm." 

The coat is warm, too warm you feel. As well as a bit large not fitting you as your other coats do. You take in the coat's design and instantly notice it's not yours but Harry's. The red and yellow checkered Lanvin coat that he'd taken out to wear to dinner was resting next to your, and Glenne must have grabbed the first she saw.

"This isn't mine," you laugh, burying your face in the collar, taking in his smell; it's uniquely his of honey and a hint of vanilla. "It's Harry's." 

They all start laughing at the mishaps, "do you want to go up and snag yours quickly?" Glenne offers, feeling bad. 

"It's fine," you shrug, "I doubt anyone will notice." 

Gemma sighs dramatically, "keep telling yourself that." 

"With your combined fame, it's as if anyone can find anything." Sarah reminds you, knowing how secretive and careful you both have been through the tour. 

"I'll shoot him a text to let him know, but I'm fine with it, and that's all that matters." 

They let it go, and you all make your wait to the side exit, where security was waiting for you leading you all to the waiting car, taking you to dinner. 

Gemma had picked a Greek restaurant, something you were all okay with. She promised she had a friend here that helped get the reservation. You weren't worried about being recognized, not when you were with friends. 

Dinner had been going smoothly when Milos, your waiter, brought drinks to your table, something about compliments from a gentleman a few tables down. None of you dared to look over, fearing if you did, it'd bring the person over, and you were all in happy, committed relationships. You also felt bad not wanting the person to think you weren't grateful. 

Finally, you turned around, raising your drink in thanks only for the man to have his mouth drop open at seeing you. He looked to be panicking before looking away, making you laugh. 

"Did that go as bad as I thought?" You ask them to hand your drink to Glenne, who gladly accepts it, happy not to be paying for any alcohol. 

"Yeah, the man looked shocked." Sarah laughs behind her water. 

"So was it because I looked bad or because he recognized me?" 

They give you a once over before nodding, "you look bad," they all replied. 

You can't hold back your laugh, and soon they're all joining in. It's these moments you appreciate and know that when you all go your separate ways soon, you'll be in contact. These friendships don't happen often, and you may be overly sensitive, but you're glad Harry walked into your life because he's given you so much more than just his love. He's given you friendships. 

Milos comes back one final time to do the rounds, and instead of asking for more, you ask for the check. He walks away before coming back quickly, assuring you that it had been taken care of. You look at them surprised, and they don't seem to have a clue. You thank him, making sure to leave a generous tip, happy at how the staff treated you. As you're about to walk out, the hostess stops you saying someone left a message for you. She wrote it down for you. Her cheeks are pink, not looking up at you for longer than she has to. 

"Good night, Miss Belmonte." 

"Thank you, good night." 

You pocket it, knowing the ladies are waiting on you to exit. As you do, you hear the flash failing to see the messages on your phone about them warning you trying to get you to go through the back exit. The manager, Costas, has come to usher you to the back, which you appreciate, but the car is right there, and you decide it's okay. You ask to be escorted to your vehicle if possible and Milos, the server who had previously helped you, holds your elbow as you bend your head, trying to walk past the paparazzi as quickly as possible. You hear all the questions thrown your way. 

"When are you filming?"

"Where is Harry right now?"

"How was it to be his friend?"

"What did you think of Andrew Garfield's new movie?" 

Typical questions related to all the men surrounding you. You shook your head, thanking Milos before slipping in, and he blocked the paparazzi shutting the door, allowing your driver to exit the area. 

"We're sorry." 

"We didn't realize." 

You wave your hand, "it's okay." 

"That looked intense," Gemma comments, feeling bad. 

You pat her thigh, "I'm definitely not used to it, but we got out of there quick." 

All three of them feel bad, and you know they are close to calling it a night, but you don't want to end such a lovely night because of some paparazzi, so you suggest some ice cream. It seems that's something they all can't say no to. 

After giving Colin an address, he puts it in, assuring you he'd take the long route in case someone was trailing you. 

"How do you do it, Bel?" Gemma asks. 

"What?" 

"The constant camera's never leaving you alone. The first few years, my mum was always worried. I can't imagine your parents liking it. Feel like your fame shot up overnight just like H." 

You grimace, "my family was supportive, and I was cautious. Still am."

"The one downfall to living your dreams, huh," Glenne says, shaking her head. 

You know they've all had their fair share of experiences with Harry and if there is something you're grateful for, your parents did not have to see what news or gossip magazines say about you. Although you know they'd tell you to brush it off, you know your parents would have tried to sue everyone who attempted to slander your name. 

"Not all bad, brought all of you into my life." 

"Bel, are you going sweet on us," Sarah teases. 

"Me," you play along, "never."

Soon enough, you arrive at the small ice cream shop that has all types of flavors. Gemma is excited to try new Vegan flavors asking for two scoops while you ask for a single scoop of strawberry. One thing you forgot was how small the booths were causing you all to squeeze in tight, you next to Gemma and Glenne and Sarah across from you. 

They were quick to get lost in conversation. 

"I'm sorry," Gemma whispers.

You look at her confused, "for what, Gem?" 

"I keep asking about your family, and I can tell you don't like that." You shake your head about to tell her she was wrong when she interrupts you. "Not my place to ask, but do know I'm not doing it to be malicious. I just want to get to know you better."

"I appreciate that." You look down at your cup of ice cream before you feel her nudge you, looking at her. She's grinning. 

"What?" You ask.

"Nothing, just thank you for making my brother happy. As an older sister, it's nice to know he's being taken care of when he's not home."

"I love him, Gemma." You confess.

I don't doubt it. Not for one bit," she assures you. "And I know H feels the same." 

You giggle, "I know he does. Never forgets to remind me." 

"Sounds like him." 

"I hope I'm doing a good job at reminding him," you tell her. 

"The best always tells us something you did for him. God, it's all we ever talk about," Gemma teases. 

"Hope that doesn't bother you." 

"Are you kidding me?" She exclaims, "I adore it. I've thought you were perfect since you set up that family facetime call." 

"Not perfect," you laugh off.

"Maybe not, but perfect for him." Gemma declares, sending you a large smile before jumping into Sarah and Glenne's conversation. 

It's safe to say that the night was better than you expected. You know you didn't need Gemma's approval, but you were glad she liked you and supported your relationship. 

Instead of calling it a night after ice cream as you thought you would, they convinced you to go for a walk. You were walking hand linked with Sarah's hands in Harry's coat when you felt a piece of paper in your pocket and remembered the note. You pulled it out, unfolded it, and smiled, recognizing the writing. 

Dinner's on me, my love. Don't let the ladies know, although I think they'll have a clue. I'll be waiting for you. I love you. Tu amor, Harry 

You fell in love with a romantic. You tuck the note back into the pocket for safekeeping. 

"Bel?" Glenne shouts from in front of you.

"Yes?"

"Karaoke?" Gemma asks. 

"Really," you deadpan, knowing you all have a busy day tomorrow. 

"Just an hour," they plead, and you sigh, giving in. 

"An hour sound good to you, Sarah?" 

She nods, "my baby is fine. No need to worry about me."

"Yeah, Bel. Might want to check in on yours." Gemma teases. 

"Fine, let's go in."

An hour turns into two, and before you know it, it's ten by the time you're back in your hotel room. Jeff met you all downstairs, walking you to your respected rooms, telling you that he'd see you in the morning. You set your things down quietly on the sofa, knowing Harry must have fallen asleep waiting for you. 

You undress, careful not to make any noise, and grab the white shirt he was wearing earlier in the day he must have left for you on the edge of the bed. You step into the bathroom, turn on the low light, remove your makeup, continue your night routine, and see that your moisture is open. Harry had used it when he got ready for bed alone. 

After taking your time with your routine and turning off the lights, you take off the shorts you had slipped on earlier, deciding against sleeping with them on. 

You raise the blankets slipping in under them and wrapping your arms around Harry's waist, getting as close to him as possible.

"Bel?" He asks with a voice thick with sleep.

"It's me," you pressed a kiss to his shoulder, "girls didn't want to call it a night."

"Hmm.. how'd you get them back." 

"Reminded them Sarah had a big day tomorrow."

"That did it."

"Mhm."  

"It's still early," he groans, shifting, having peeked at the clock. You loosen your hold, allowing him to turn and bury his face in your chest. 

"I know," you shush, running your hand down his back, "but I'm here, and you can sleep now." 

"I wasn't sleeping." He tries to deny.

"Sure you were." You giggle, "could hear your light snores."

"I was," he groans, admitting defeat. "Only a little."

"Let's sleep then, mi vida." You try to coax, slipping your hand into his hair, trying to soothe him.

"No," he whines. 

"H,"

"Let's talk, please." He presses kisses to your collarbone, and you know he's won.

“Alright, amor. Lo que tú quieras.”

Belmont Park, New York The Final Show 

Without a doubt, you knew it would be a good morning when you felt the weight of a hand on your waist holding you close. His lips peppering kisses across your skin. 

The morning was bittersweet because it meant no more traveling or sleeping in a bus, but it also meant no more shows and no more seeing the crew you had befriended. 

You know Harry would be feeling emotional, not that he would mention it. He liked to sulk in his feelings before expressing them, and you respected that. Harry loved being on stage and his tour ending and not starting up until next year. He was sad he wouldn't see his fans for a few months. Although he was executed because he had an album to work on and a girlfriend to take care of his words, not yours. 

"It's cold," he mutters against your skin.

"I feel it." 

He cuddles closer to you, bringing the blanket higher, hoping to keep the cold out. 

"Don't want to get up."

"Me either," you agree. 

"I can warm you up." 

You don't need to turn around to know he's smirking, having a one-track mind. 

"By all means," he lets your words linger in the air for a moment before slipping his hands under your (his) shirt, beginning to push it up as you move the blanket out of the way. 

"Don't want to brush your teeth first," you tease, feeling him push against you, how hard he's become already, all for you. 

He sits up, pulling you with him, his hands resting on your waist, toying with the band of your panties. 

"I can if you want me to," he smiles, brushing hair out of your face. 

Harry fakes as if he will get out of bed, but you hold tight to his arm that's on your waist. "No!" you shout. "Stay." 

"I'll always stay," he promises, kissing your cheek.

Looking at Harry, you felt lucky that he chose to love you and also fortunate that he let you see these vulnerable parts of him. 

Your eyes linger on his tattoos, the peek of sunlight giving him an angelic glow. He seems to note your gaze but does nothing to stop you, only allows you to keep looking. You love the contrast of tattoos, and seeing him makes you want to finally go and get yourself one. Sit there and let someone stick a needle into your skin, etching a drawing or words into your skin, creating memories on your skin that you get to carry and share for others to see. 

It might not be something you do now, but it will be something you'll want him to be at your side to hold your hand. 

You lift your hands up, offering him a soft smile waiting for him to help you. He scoots forward on his knees, his hands toying with the hem of your shirt, not taking it off quickly like you had assumed he would. Instead, he leans forward, connecting your lips with his. You hum against his lips. The slow pace allows you to melt against him. Each kiss picks up, leading to his hands trailing up your waist, pushing the shirt up when you feel the chill air hit your breasts. It makes you whimper against his lips as you feel him giggle, pulling away for a single second to get the shirt over your head before throwing it behind him, not caring where it lands. 

Harry moves his lips down to your next, pressing kiss after kiss until he arrives at your breast, caressing one as he kisses and nips at the other before switching. Your moans begin to fill the air, and he only sucks harder wanting you to be louder, and you are never one to deny him. 

"Can we try something, baby?" He breathes against your chest before kissing your lips, finally meeting your eyes that had glossed over with lust. 

"What is it, amor?" You try to focus on your breathing, knowing your attention should be on him and not how your heart might be out of your chest for him 

"We don't have to, honestly." He starts, "you can always say no." He rambles. "I never want to pressure you."

You giggle, raising a hand to brush back his hair, trying to get him to relax. "Can't answer if you don't say what it is." 

"Oh…uh, can I–can," he takes a deep breath as you rub a hand down his chest. Seeing him take deep breaths and then breathing out before asking. "Can I blindfold you?" 

"Oh." You answer, surprised. You did not expect that. 

You think it over, looking into his worried eyes. He holds your gaze waiting for you to say something. To say anything.

"I can get behind that," you nod, squeezing your legs closed tighter at the thought. 

"And tie your hands," he adds. 

You pout at his suggestion. "No touching," you whine, thinking about not having your hands on him, not something you think you'd enjoy.

Harry chuckles, his thumb rubbing your cheek softly, leaning into his hold. "Only for a bit, baby," he promises. "Give me all the control. How does that sound?"

"Sounds nice." 

"Okay, you ready?"

You smile, "yes, and I agree to no touching because it's your special day." 

"How'd I get so lucky," Harry expresses and begins to help you lay back against the arrangement of pillows. 

You adjust your head on the pillows, hair sprawled out behind you. All exposed except for the panties he has yet to remove. 

"I'm ready, sir." You purr, a smirk on your face. 

"Bel," he threatens, eyes darkening. 

"Come on, H. I want to have my own fun as well." 

Harry gets off the bed, going to retrieve the black silk tie that was in his suitcase. He retrieves another, a velvet blue for your hands. You sit, closing your eyes and letting out a deep breath as Harry assures you that he's got you and will take care of you. 

You feel his hands on the back of your head, making sure not to pull your hair. "Is it tight?" 

"It's good."

"You sure?" 

"Promise." 

He helps you lay back once again, helping you get comfortable. 

"Now your hands, okay, baby?" 

"Okay, Harry. I trust you." 

You see nothing but the darkness the blindfold provides. Harry slowly touches your hands and moves them over your head to not startle you. He ties them to the header, careful not to hurt you. He checks one too many times to see if you're uncomfortable. He continues once he's assured you're not. 

You're nervous because you aren't sure what to expect, but you know Harry and know he's going to do his best to make sure you enjoy it as much as him.

You relied heavily on your hearing, as well as everything you felt. You felt his skin against yours as he pressed kisses down your exposed body. 

"You're beautiful." 

"Gorgeous."

Kiss. 

"Stunning." 

Kiss

"One of a kind." 

"Breathtaking." 

Kiss. 

"Harry," you moan, feeling so worked up, and all he's done is leave kisses all over your body. 

Harry carefully lifted one of your legs up to his lips, kissing your ankle and moving up your leg until his lips found a place between your thighs, kissing and biting, taking in the sweet sounds you let out for him. 

"Fuck," he swore as he saw how wet you were. His hands moved up your body, resting on your hips as he removed your panties. You found it harder to breathe, never knowing what his following action would be. "All for me." 

"Yes, Harry, all for you." 

His warm breath hits your skin, knowing it's so close to where you desire it. You moan and squirm, spreading your legs open wide, ready for him to take you and do as he wishes. 

"Need you, please, H. Please." 

"I got you, darling." 

He wasted no time continuing his kisses as you felt the warmth of his breath reach your wetness. He peppered you with kisses, each feeling more intense as he came closer to what he was seeking, giving you the pleasure you deserve. 

Diving in, wrapping his lips around your bud, you squeezed your eyes shut even if you could not see. Harry had a way of knowing precisely what you needed. You gasped, hips bucking up against his face, the only thing you had control of, until Harry pinned his hands on either side, holding you still. He was relentless; his pace didn't falter as he sucked and licked your clit, wanting to reach your orgasm. 

You were a lot more vocal, encouraging him and pleading for more. Not being able to touch him pained you, but God, it only made you wetter knowing you were powerless. You jumped as you felt a finger sneak close, teasing your folds. His touch is gentle and playful. His other hand snaked up slowly from holding your waist to your breast and began pinching your nipples and pulling. Every touch was overwhelming; you felt like he was everywhere at once. 

"Fuck, Harry!" 

He lapped at your clit feverishly, teeth lightly pulling as you felt your back arch so close to release, and he felt it. He hummed against your pussy, licking you clean as he knew he was close to making you come. 

His face was so close to you, feeling like he was going in with no mercy, ready for you to cry out for him. He inserted a digit in your pussy as he felt you squeeze him tight. He took it out, signifying that you were ready to scream for him. 

"Sing for me, darling." You just knew he was smirking. God, you wished to see it. 

As he sucked on your clit not stopping a single second, you felt a heat spread over your body as you cried out his name for all to hear. Harry did not stop licking until he felt you settle. You thought your heart would beat out of your chest as you tried your best to calm your breathing, knowing Harr was far from being done with you. 

"Gorgeous, Bel." 

"Harry," you whine.

"I'm here," he assures you, pressing his body against yours to allow you to know he was moving up towards your face. He pressed a small peck on your lips, careful to see how you respond, but all you can do is moan as you taste yourself against him, having missed touching him, and his lips are the closest thing you have. 

"Okay, to continue?" 

"Yes, good. Promise, amor." 

Harry nods, then laughs when he remembers you couldn't see him. He kisses your shoulder, then up your neck. "Laughing because I nodded but remembered you couldn't see."

You shake your head, giggling freely. "Dork."

"Still comfortable, darling?" Harry asks, feeling his hand rub your cheek tenderly. 

"Yes, H. Need you." 

You felt Harry shuffle around you. All that could be heard was your breathing as you said still. 

"Protection, baby." He reminds you.

"Honorable man, even when he ties up his girl." 

You can't see his smile, but you know he's there. Always been a fan of your teasing. 

"Baby, you ready." 

You nod, "fuck me, Harry." 

Harry settles over you, rubbing the tip over your opening, making you moan out for him. He pushed in slowly, and you fit him perfectly, snug and welcoming. Absolutely made for each other. 

You moaned as he continued to thrust in and out of you. His hands rubbed down your sides as his lips connected with yours, as he swallowed each sound you made. He moved quickly, his thrust never halting, always going at the pace you needed. 

It was wonderful and everything you wanted, it was always making love with Harry.

You whined, pussy clenching around his cock as you felt him move against you, but it was not enough. It would not be when you needed more. 

"Please let me touch you," you cry, "please, mi vida." 

That's enough for Harry to give you what you need. Anything you ask for, he'll give you.

"Shh..shhh, I got you. I got you." 

Harry unties the knot, and instantly your arms wrap around him. He'd thought you'd remove the blindfold, but having that hold on him seems to settle you immediately. Your hands hold tight nails sinking in, making him hiss, but the pain is good, and he craves it. He can't believe he let you hold out for so long. Your touch was like home for him. 

He snakes his hand down to your front, circling your bud, close to reaching your highs together. His lips pressed kisses on your neck, feeling the increase of your pulse. 

"Let go for me, baby," he breathes out. 

Only moments after that, you feel him take long, deep thrusts, and soon the feeling rushes over you. Moaning loudly for him as he groans against you. Both of you going through your high together. He slows down as he sees you begin to settle, wanting to see you calm down before pulling out of you. 

You lay there for a few seconds as he gets off the bed, assuming he's discarding the condom. 

"There's my love," Harry says as he pushes up the blindfold, his dimples the first thing you see. 

You grin at him, eyes blinking open slowly as you adjust to the light. 

"Hi," you whisper. 

"Hello, mi sol. You alright?" 

"Perfecta." 

"Good, good." 

Harry lays down, pulling you against him, your head resting on his chest, your hands constantly moving over his skin, wanting to make up for the time you couldn't. As fun as it was, you know touch is important. You love being able to feel every inch of his skin, feel the small bumps and scars he has. The feel of his abs as you trace your hand over, flexing his stomach at the slightest touch. 

You settle in bed, taking in the silence. After a beautiful moment of shared passion, just taking in the moment to be together. Melting in his hold, there is nowhere safer. 

"Shower, querida?" Harry asks after a while of resting in the peacefulness of the room. 

"Aún no. Abrázame."

"Whatever you need." 

"Te amo." 

"I love you, Bel. You're my whole world." He promises, pressing kisses to your head. 

"Que romántico," you giggle into his chest.

"Shh… let's rest."

And like that, you settle in his hold for a while longer before having to actually start your day.

The drive to the venue was loud, with lots of chatter from Gemma and Michal. Jeff and Glenne kept the conversation going, asking Harry how he was feeling, adding jokes every so often. Everyone was loud and cheerful, but you couldn't help but sit quietly next to Harry. You simply wanted to take everything in, and you were. This was his night, and you were a simple spectator, as would every person coming to the show tonight. To the opening show at UBS Arena.

Where Harry would be the grand opener for an arena that he'd be able to add to his success page. Closing out a sold-out tour at a new arena would send the news to every media outlet, and you were thrilled for him. You just hated to share him tonight selfishly; you wanted him to yourself to keep all his attention on you tonight, but you knew that wasn't possible. 

At the arrival at the arena, you pull into the back, followed by a few other cars making it seem inconspicuous to the already waiting fans. There you are greeted by a team of workers where you move to stand back by Gemma, wanting to blend in, but Harry keeps you by his side, needing you by his side. 

As they speak up, saying to follow them inside, you look at Harry, who stays standing in place, taking in the large venue. 

"Ready for one last show?" You ask, arm outstretched for him to take.

Harry grabs your hand, intertwining your hands together, squeezing tight. "With you by my side, I am." 

You assure him with a smile that you'll stay by his side as Jeff continues introductions of your entire party as you begin to head inside. Harry nudges you playfully when you get a very enthusiastic greeting from the staff. You roll your eyes and push him forward, ready for the tour. 

Jeff leads the way behind a group of workers leading you through long hallways decorated with words and photos of Love on Tour. There's a sign welcoming "Harry Styles," and a lot of the crew lingers there to take pictures and share them on social media. Passing through large windows from a distance, you see the "Love Bus," as everyone refers to it. Beautiful flowers are displayed everywhere, from red to pink to blue roses looking perfect for fan photo ops later. There are even guitar cases and suitcases around, adding to the effect of touring. It's perfect for tonight.

Along the walls are photos of Harry plastered from most of the tour dates, all pictures of Anthony Pham, Harry's photographer that has been here for the majority of the shows and who has made it today to capture and record all of the final performance. 

Jeff brings you all to the stop at a sign that reads, "... IT'S NEW YORK, BABY" in a lightened-up border, making all the fans' words shine bright.

It's packed to the brim, not a single blank space left. Harry approaches the sign taking in as much as possible, his eyes scanning it top from bottom. You see his eyes well up with tears and can't help but cling to his arm, offering him that extra comfort you know he is seeking. Harry presses a kiss to your head, thanking you. Jeff doesn't rush you, letting you take your time as you quietly read out small quotes to each other. Laughing at some that are so random and tearing up to fans who managed to pour their heart out and thank him. Overall, it's a healthy mix, and you're glad that UBS did this for Harry. Fan support is something he never takes for granted. 

"You alright, mi vida?" 

"Perfect," he whispers. 

Harry closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths before facing you, his eyes shining bright. "One last stop." 

And with that, you make your way to see the stage for one last time.

It's a beautiful view; you step forward smiling at the crew who pass you, continuing with their job to make sure everything is perfect and working for tonight. 

Harry clings on to your hard as you move to let go, wanting to step closer to the stage. Looking at both sides of the empty pit that would soon fill where endless amounts of dancing will take place. 

"Inhaler secure, H," Tom assures Harry knowing he's in for an adrenaline rushed show, and if it's anything like his final show from the last tour, he might never get off the stage.

"Thank you, I appreciate it," Harry tells him.

Soon enough, they get lost in conversation as you notice a lot of the crew beginning to come in, some looking confused and others waiting patiently. It isn't until Jeff comes to stand at Harry's side do you realize what's happening. You try to move away quickly, letting go of Harry's hand wanting all the attention on them as it should be. 

You had let go of his hand for only a second before his eyes widened, and he reached for your wrist, careful not to hold it too tight. You motion with your head that you'd only be a couple inches away standing next to Glenne, but it's not good enough for him. 

"Stay," he mouths, followed by, "please." 

You sigh, giving in because how could you say no to him. Harry intertwines your hands again, and that's when you notice the slight tremble in his hand. He was nervous and wanted extra support from you. Squeezing his hand three times, hoping he got the silent message as he began to speak to the majority of his crew. 

As Harry began his thank you speech, your eyes were on the crew huddled close together, listening intently to his every word. You saw everyone you had befriended and got to learn about. Yves was excited to go back to his family and continue to work at the flower shop he had opened up a few years ago. Kodi would go on to celebrate his engagement with a long trip and soon start planning a wedding. Anna and Bruce were best friends, having found a common interest in dogs, and were to begin visiting animal shelters when they returned home to Paris. 

Everyone here had a story to share, and you were grateful they all wanted to share it with you. You might not see everyone again, but you do know that friendships and memories everyone made would stay with you all.

"And I thank you for being here every day and working to make this show happen because this show doesn't happen without you. Here's to one final night." 

Cheers rang out as he laughed, hoping to hide the blush on his face. You nudged him playfully, smiling at him, hoping he could see how proud you were. He winked at you before telling them one last thing.

"As a small parting gift, we made you jackets!" 

Jeff holds one up, showcasing the back that says "Love on Tour" the 'o' a heart in bold white print. It reflected nicely on the silk black material of the jacket. 

He then turns it around, and you gasp as on the right side of the jacket is your first initial and last name delicately stitched; the other side has a bunny, the famous tour bunny. They made you a jacket, one they didn't have to as you did nothing but enjoy a show each night as much as you begged for something to do each time. 

You turned your attention to Harry as Jeff, and other staff began to hand out jackets to everyone excited at getting one of their own. 

Harry was grinning at your reaction. He gestured for you to turn around, helping you slip the jacket on. Once on, he slipped his hands down to your sides, spinning you around, taking in how you looked. You wrapped your arms around yourself, loving it, knowing it'd become one of your favorite new pieces in your closet. 

"Like it, baby?" 

"I love it. You didn't need to give me one." 

Harry scoffs, "and miss this reaction never." 

You laugh, "I wasn't expecting it."

"I know," he leans in, pressing a kiss to your cheek. "Come on, let's go relax for a bit. Jeff's got this."

You walked together with the biggest smile as you talked quietly, arriving in his dressing room. The door never shut, knowing everyone would be in and out today more than usual, and you looked forward to it. 

You weren't ready to say goodbye just yet.

"Bel," Harry says excitedly as he comes into the room, your phone in his hand. He had stepped out to speak with Naomi and Sarai, who called to wish him luck for tonight. As well as checking in on how Naomi's mother was doing. Very thoughtful. They originally called to speak with you, but Harry got a hold of the conversation, and well, you were forgotten, not that you minded. 

"Yes, amor?" 

You drop your book, Crying in H Mart, that you had been reading. You decided to continue when you spied it in Harry's bag when he had left you alone. He must have placed it for you earlier when you weren't looking. Harry knew that once you started reading a book, it's all that stayed at the front of your mind until you finished it. 

As much as you tried to get lost in it now, it was hard when all you could focus on was Harry and how proud you were of him. 

Harry sits down on the couch, joining, laying himself on your lap. 

"Okay, I was looking at the playlist you made for me."

"You already have it," you told him, confused.

"No, love. The one titled "mi vida."" 

Your face grows hot, "that wasn't for you." 

He pouts, "have a secret boyfriend?" 

You pinch his side, causing him to get more comfortable on your lap, rest his head on your chest, and shift the phone to give you a better look.

"No, but you already know which one I made for you."

His grin is large, and he nods, "para H," he says proudly, the playlist you made for him one night on the tour bus when you couldn't sleep. 

You lean in close and peck his lips, "exactly. Now why did you

"Well, I was curious. And you call me mi vida, occasionally.

"Okay, fine. I made it because those songs remind me of you." You confess bashfully. 

"Awe, you love me?" He teases. 

"Dork." 

Harry kisses your bicep, the closest part to him he can reach, before turning his attention to the phone. 

"Bel, there was a song I wanted to show you that I liked." 

"You only liked one," you asked, surprised, giggling as he gave you a deadpan look. 

"No, liked a lot, but there are a lot of Spanish songs."

"Well, they talk about love in a beautiful way and not a heartbreaking way as many others do in English." 

Harry takes in your answer before nodding. "I agree."

"Glad you think so. Now show me the song." 

"Right, right." 

Harry looks down at your phone, frowning when he sees that the screen is dark, before pressing the side button displaying your lock screen of you and Harry hugging, only your silhouettes can be seen. Harry took this by setting up the self-timer wanting to capture more pictures, and the sunset worked in your favor. He types in your password and struggles because his hands shake with excitement.

"Amor, relájate." You rub your hands up and down his sides to get him to settle. 

"Sorry, sorry. I got it." 

He clicks play and shifts in your hold, wanting to see your face, locks eyes with you as you take in the song's first notes, "ay, si nos hubieran visto," Franco De Vita's voice filling the room. 

Instantly your eyes welled up with tears causing Harry to frown, dropping the phone to the side, his hands moving to grab your face gently as he tried to wipe the tears you couldn't hold back. 'Te Amo' was a song you did not let yourself listen to a lot because it always made you emotional, but not Harry being the one to play it to you because it stood out to him in a playlist you made about him was special. It instantly reminded you of the conversation that came to the surface a day ago. 

"Baby, what is it?" His voice filled with worry.

"I'm okay," you promise because you are. You've never been better. 

"Then what is it?" 

"That was my Mum's favorite song," you confess. 

"Mi sol," Harry leans his forehead against your head, pressing your lips against his need to see that you are okay and what better way to express it than by a kiss. He pulls back only a little to look at your glossy eyes, "it seems your Mum, and I have good taste. The song instantly reminded me of you." 

You grin, "me too, that's why it's there." 

"Yeah, you love me." 

"You know I do, Harry. I hope you never doubt it." 

"I could never."

For a moment, you think about telling him about the recent memory that resurfaced about soulmates you had when you were eight and how your Papi possibly sent Harry to enter your life once again. But decide otherwise and keep the story to yourself because you know without a doubt that Harry knows that you were made for each other. 

Maybe one day, years down the line, you'll share the moment with him, but for now, you'll settle on loving him. 

"I promise to do everything I can to show you how much I love you every day."

Your words bring tears to Harry's mossy eyes; he kisses your lips, taking a moment to let your words sink in, locking them away for safekeeping.

"I promise to do the same but know this, Bel. I will never doubt your love. It shines bright, just like I hope my love for you does." He whispers against your lips. 

"Te amo."

"I love you."

Kissing Harry always feels special, but now at this moment, you wish to capture this moment in a jar to look back at because it's the most peace you've felt. Your heart doesn't feel as heavy. If anything, it feels lighter, and you know it's because it's in his hands. 

Maybe, before, you'd have been scared to hand your heart to someone else, knowing how vulnerable and scary the feeling is but with Harry, you've never trusted him more to take care of you. 

There's no rush in the kiss because you know you have all the time in the world together. 

Because in this life and all that follow, you know you're meant to find him, find Harry, and love him. 

One last time getting ready.

The final show where Harry will play the entirety of Fine Line. Next year, there would be shows, but it would be nothing like this tour because this special one, you got the chance to be along for the road; for it gave you, Harry. 

"One last time, to ogle me as I get ready," Harry teases, buttoning up his black trousers. 

You roll your eyes, "you implying something."

Harry freezes, looking at you, his eyes wide, quickly shaking his head. "No, I take it back." 

You laugh, "I thought so."

"Yes, because you'll get to see me getting ready tomorrow morning when I leave our bed."

"If you're lucky." 

He shakes his head, coming to stand in front of you. His hand resting on your cheek, making you look up at him. "Get on my knees if it means I'll be lucky."

You roll your eyes, "not necessary–"

"Ten minutes, H" is yelled through the door.

"Seems we didn't even have time for that."

"A tragedy," he moans.

You take him in, seeing him radiating and taking in these final minutes together. You genuinely believe this is where you were meant to be right by his side, being his support and his friend. 

"Last good luck kiss," you express, thumbing at Harry's lower lip, looking pink and ready to be kissed. 

"Don't say that." Harry sulks.

"Why?" You ask, confused.

"You're going to make me sad," he shares in a low voice.

"Harry," you reach your hand up, resting it at the back of his neck, playing with the ends of his hair, offering him comfort. "Why are you sad?" 

Harry leans in, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose, making you scrunch your nose, pulling away only for him to grasp your waist from moving too far from him. 

"You won't be there next tour."

"We talked, remember. I'll be there as much as I can." You assure him. 

He deflates, "I know."

You lean in, closing the gap and wrapping your arms around his waist. Both of you need this at the moment, the assurance, the safety. “Mi vida, recuerda que te amo.” 

He nods. 

"I love you, simple as that." You express wanting him to realize that the next few months might not be easy but that you'll fight for him and the relationship you have built together.

Harry lets out a deep breath leaning his head against you, "I love you, Bel. Thank you for sticking around."

"Thanks for having me." You joke, causing you both to laugh and let the moment pass. 

You feel the moment slow as he tips your head the slightest bit, looking into your eyes, and you feel vulnerable more than usual, knowing how special this kiss is. The first good luck kiss you gave him in Nashville and how you got to do it until now in New York for the last time to close out the tour.

His lips move slowly against yours. He tastes of strawberries that Gemma brought to share before giving you a moment alone. You hummed against him, holding tight to his bare waist, sinking your nails in to ground yourself. 

He pulls back breathless, smiling against you.

"One last piece and you're ready." 

Harry lets you go reaching for the gold sequin fringe vest he would wear for tonight, similar to his opening night outfit in Vegas and, most recently, night three in Los Angeles. The gold is fitting for him, and you know he'll shine brighter on stage. 

You make Harry turn around, having him slip in one arm and then the other before having the vest rest on his shoulders. You pat his shoulders, signaling you're done. He turns around slowly, a smirk on his face as he takes in your dazed reaction.

"That good," he teases.

"Yes, actually. Love when this is on display," you point to his stomach where the beautiful butterfly lies, taking your index finger and tracing slowly. A smile makes a way to your face when you feel him tense against you, pulling away, knowing there is no time to have extra fun when he's minutes away from going into his box for the final time. 

"Go on, rockstar," you nod, gesturing to the door. "Time to go."

Instead of heading towards the door, he kisses you once more, this kiss faster and burning, feeling every emotion he is pouring into the kiss. 

"Let's go." 

Exiting the dressing room, Tom and Gemma were lingering, having a conversation that halts seeing you both coming out.

"All done? Still had thirty seconds," Tom jokes.

"Shut up," Harry punches his arm, pulling you along as he hugs Gemma and tells her quietly how happy he is to have her here. 

"Only came because Mum said you get pushed into a box." 

Harry shakes his head, "I'm not pushed into it. I get in carefully and then roll towards the stage." He explains, also knowing she will be able to see. "I'll be sure to mention it to Mum later." 

"Not if I deny it." 

"I got a witness," Harry counters.

"You can't use Bel." 

"Why not?" 

"You know Mum loves her. Only speaks wonders of her. Makes it unfair." 

"Not my fault. She's perfect." Harry expresses proudly.

"Harry," you breathe out bashfully, knowing there are others around you. 

"Going shy on me, love." 

Before Harry can continue, he's called over to get situated and taken understage. The fans had waited long enough without an opener. 

He gives everyone a hug, saving you for last lingering a few seconds longer, giving you one last short kiss. 

Everyone began to leave, but you decided to stay, wanting these final moments with him. 

"Harry," you spoke up as he was about to step into the box. 

"Yes, Bel?' The look he gives you is kind and patient, and you know that if you asked him for anything at this moment, he'd do everything in his power to give it to you. 

You wanted to tell him so many things, but there was one thing you knew would capture it all. 

"I'm proud of you." 

Harry stills, and you see his eyes well up with tears, making you feel similar emotions. You don't know what you expected him to do, but stepping away from the box and rushing towards you, kissing you breathless, was not it. 

It's not long. It's short and passionate. The flutter in your stomach was familiar and intense all at once. The love he had poured into the kiss was something you easily felt. 

Time had stood still and did not resume until you pulled away. The smile on your face was genuine and significant, and you felt even giddier when you saw Harry mirrored the same grin. 

"Go, rockstar." 

The energy when you walked out with Glenne was something you'd never get used to. The arena was filled to the brim. Each seat was filled, and the cheers felt never-ending as the intro to 'Golden' began. 

Harry was made to perform, and each night he proved that. He loved being up there and sharing his music with everyone. You have never felt luckier than to experience the final night with him and everyone he loved. 

"Good evening, and welcome to the final night of Love on Tour." Harry cheers into the microphone, getting loud screams. "It's a pleasure to be here. It's a privilege to play for you. Thank you so much for having us. I am honored to be the very first show in this building. So thank you." 

You saw Jeff next to you already getting emotional because this show would be different from the rest because the fact is that come tomorrow, there would be no show to have to get ready for.

After a few songs, Harry did his iconic ass talk. He wanted to make sure the audience was in the right mood. 

"One hand in the air, give it a wiggle." Everyone in the arena copies having no idea where he was going with this. "And give yourself one of those," he pats his ass, getting endless screams and everyone in the arena copying his actions. 

It's these actions that make you laugh the hardest, knowing how much Harry values his own jokes. 

The concert continues with 'Cherry' giving you a wave and wink as he sings about heartbreak. The band only continued to play amazingly, leaving you stunned and sad that this would be the end of seeing them as well. 

'Lights Up' was as emotional as always, Gemma pulling you close to her side to dance with her. Making memories with her was something you were looking forward to doing, especially when visiting her in London next year. Harry is back to addressing the audience when the time comes and reads some signs. 

"Going to a sign I saw earlier." He points in a direction getting closer as he tries to find the person. "It says, can I read it? It says, 'My fiancé hates you, so I came with my sister instead.'" He gasps, stepping back, offended. "Okay, what's his problem? Alright. Sister having a good time? Where have you gone? You know what? Screw him! SCREW HIM!" He shouts into the microphone as he walks across to the other side of the stage. 

Harry laughs at the audience cheering for him as he receives their full support bashing the husband. He takes a moment to address his fans.

"A second to say to all of you that what you have given me on this tour is something I'll never be able to express to you because what you have shared with me every night, emotionally, you have been so generous to me, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart." You can hear the crack in his voice and how overwhelmed he is with emotion. "This is my favorite thing to do because of each and every single one of you. Thank you so so much." Harry walks by Mitch, who pats his back softly, giving him a second of comfort. "Unless you're her husband pointing back to the fan, screw him." 

You laugh, leaning against Glenne, who just shakes her head at Harry's antics.

"Now, fifteen minutes left, all gas, no breaks. Are you ready?" Harry yells, amped up to see everyone on their feet dancing and being free. 

You're out of breath by the time the final song ends, and Harry moves to center stage, guitar in hand, as he begins to play 'Fine Line' for the last time. 

"Before I start, a quick thank you to a couple of people." He clears his throat, looking out into the audience, in your general direction, but knows he can't see you. It's hard when there are so many people around you. 

"First off to my incredible band that is on this stage. It has been a pleasure to play with you all every single night. Thank you." 

Cheers for the band are loud, Jeff and you hollering loudly for them.

"Secondly, there is a large group of people who get here long before and leave long after. You will not see them, but they are there. They've gone above and beyond to make this happen. Make some noise for all the crew backstage." Harry steps away from the microphone to clap for them, knowing that their work allows him to be on the stage he is standing on. 

"I love you." Is heard distantly screamed, and you smirk, knowing what's coming. You weren't planning it, but you want to love him in public too.

"I love you too, sir," Harry replies, laughing.

You bring your hands up to cup around your mouth, hoping it'll be loud enough for him to hear and recognize. You take a deep breath and scream, "I love you." 

Everyone around you turns to look at you, but you keep your eyes on Harry, who, as soon as he hears your voice, turns his head and finds you instantly. His face is soft, with no show of emotion besides a smile. "I love you." He speaks into the microphone softly, and it might not have been heard if the fans didn't settle. 

Harry is quiet only for a second before stepping closer to the microphone, his hands fiddling with the guitar strings. "That was my girlfriend, Bel." 

As soon as the words leave his mouth, the screams are endless. It's the loudest they've been all night, and by the smile on his face, as shown by the large screens, he's damn proud. 

"Did he?" Glenne looks at you, surprised. 

"Why aren't you freaking out?" Jeff asks, looking panicked. "I'm freaking out." 

You shrug. The smile on your face could not be wiped away if they tried, "we talked about it."

"When?" Gemma peeps in, full of curiosity.

"Yeah, please share," Jeff urges. "Last I knew, you both were keeping it top secret."

Last night in bed, when you had gotten back with the girls, Harry woke up and didn't want to go to sleep even when you saw how tired he was. 

"This is it." He mumbles against your chest.

"This is it," you confirm. 

"No more hotel rooms or bus rides." He pouts, knowing you wouldn't be there for his flight home. 

"Just a final plane ride." 

"Right, to London." 

"No, silly. To Minnesota." 

"I know. Wanted to see if you'd let me kidnap you," Harry laughs but quiets down soon after.

You know he's sad because the holidays are coming up, and he isn't sure how that will work. Especially not being able to see you that long. 

You keep your hand in his hair, massaging his head, trying to get him to relax some more, knowing he's close to falling back asleep. 

"There's something I wanted to talk to you about." 

Harry notices the change in your tone and sits up with his chin resting on your stomach, looking at your face. 

"Yeah, what, baby?"

You bring your hand up and trace his lips, a giggle escaping you as he kisses the pad of your finger. 

"How do you feel about making a mini announcement?"

Harry frowns, "what kind?"

"Well," you look away, trying to downplay your following words. "I was thinking that since it is the end, you could announce that we're dating during the show." 

"Oh yeah," he raises his eyebrows, dark eyes locked with yours, "stop halfway through and tell everyone a round of applause for my girlfriend, Y/N Belmonte." Harry teases. 

"Jerk," you pinch his waist. "I'm serious."

"Thought you didn't want to confirm," he reminds you. 

"Selfishly, I want to keep you to myself, but I also want to prove that I'm not ashamed or scared. That I do love you and want to tell everyone I'm your girlfriend."

Harry sits up quickly, pulling you up with him. His hands promptly cradle your face, pressing kisses to every inch of your face until he pulls back breathless.

"Bel, darling, no. You don't have to do this for me." Harry assures you.

"It's not for you. It's for us." You promise him.

He stares into your eyes, trying to find any emotion that might contradict what you're saying, but he finds none. 

Harry lets his grin spread when he realizes you're serious. "If you're sure."

"I am." 

"Then how do we do it, angel."

You tell them the short condensed version that you thought it was the perfect time, both of you having time off and not resurfacing until after the holidays. You told him that he could slip it in, but he wanted a sign from you, and after that, it was up to him.

"You're insane," Jeff tells you but wraps you up in a hug, knowing he and Viola will have lots of work to do. Well, mostly, your publicist but all that could wait.

"Just a bit." 

The screams have not stopped, but Harry tries to keep going, ignoring the chant of your name. Only seems to get louder, and well, now you're a bit overwhelmed.

Harry stops trying and just shakes his head, letting the fans have their moment. "Think screaming her name will get her on stage?" He says in disbelief as the band laughs harder as the chants only get louder. "Well, it won't. If anything, it'll send her running for the hills," he chastises them. "Now, please, please settle down. This is her favorite song."

"You're perfect for each other," Gemma laughs as Harry finally begins to strum his guitar, knowing the show must go on. 

"Glad you think so." You tell Gemma because hearing those words mean the world to you.

"To each and every one of you, thank you very, very much. I don't get to do this if you don't come. If you've been supporting me for one, two, four, seven, or ten years, thank you. After tonight, we're going to go away for a little bit, and we will work on some stuff and come back to see you soon. Take a moment to remember how important these nights are with those you love and those around you. Remember that, and we'll be alright."

And like always, you don't bother fighting it. You allow yourself to get lost in this song about loss and hope. That good will come. You just have to wait it out. 

The show is coming to a close, but as always Harry takes a moment to introduce his band. The band that welcomed you in with open arms that treated you as nothing but a friend. 

Niji Adeleye is someone you could sit around chatting with for hours as he tells you all about his travels. That is always sending you new music to listen to, wanting you to broaden your horizons. The kindness he has shown you could never be repaid only to pass it forward.

Elin Sandberg is a friend, a confident, and the funniest person. Always has a smile on her face. Eager to listen to you tell stories and has the best style off stage. The promise of showing around her hometown is always a reminder, and how you know you'll be staying in touch.

Ny Oh, someone who had long been part of Harry's band but only recently met. Had the most incredible makeup and always a welcoming smile bringing you into conversations, always making you feel included.

Pauli Lovegood is a special person you hope knows their kindness impacted you. That they radiate with this warmth that you just want to be around. Pauli, who became so loved by all the fans on tour, shared his bracelets with you, saying that he wanted to share gifts with those around him.

Mitchell Rowland, the quiet but observant best friend. Meeting Mitch and befriending him was one of the best things to happen because he allows you to see the world from a different perspective. That he's intuitive to everyone around him. That as quiet and reserved he may be, he'd defend you no questions asked. 

Sarah Jones is the best drummer you have ever met. For allowing you to spend time with her and patiently teaching you how to play the drums when you asked. Let you get to know her family, her son, who has a special place in your heart. The wisdom she shared with you about relationships on the road and the tolls it could take, and how important it is to communicate and have interests besides each other. 

Each band member impacted your life in their own unique way, and you don't know how the next tour will be, but you hope they're all along for the ride. 

It's the night's final song, and you're amazed at the show Harry has played. He poured his heart out for them, leaving everything behind on stage. 

'Kiwi' is the perfect ending to the show, and as soon as he starts, so does the dancing until it comes to a sudden stop, making everyone freeze.

"Don't think you understand." Harry shakes his head, curls clinging to his face. "This is the last song," he emphasizes, "of the entire tour. I'm going to need a little bit more. Okay. we're going to try that again." 

Jeff is trying to hold back a grin but is failing. You're just ready, wanting to dance and scream the lyrics to the final song. 

Sarah and the band start again, Harry at the microphone singing when he stops much sooner. "Much better. Much better. Twenty more percent and good to go." He tells them, a smirk on his face.

"God, he's the worst," Gemma jokes. 

"He lives for this," you comment. "I've never seen him freer than when he's up there."

"I have," Gemma gloats. 

"Care to share," Glenne laughs, thinking she might have a similar answer.

"When he's with Bel," Gemma tells you as if it was the most obvious answer. 

It was not. 

You step back, shocked, "no."

"Yes." Jeff agrees. 

"You're right," Glenne adds. "Known that man most of his entire career. He's so free and honest with you." 

"I'm going to cry." You tell them honestly because having the closest people in his life tell you that only made you love them more and glad that Harry has them by his side. 

"Please don't. He might kill us," Jeff jokes.

For the final time, you all shift your attention back to the stage where Harry begins 'Kiwi' finally for the last time. Except he plays it again and again. 

Three times, because he did want the show to end, and you know the fans in the arena and on the live streams didn't want it to either. 

"You're going to have to kill me to get me off here," he shouts into the microphone halfway through the final performance of 'Kiwi.' You knew he'd come running off out of breath but high on adrenaline. 

"Dramatic," Gemma says, tears running down her face, looking at him as a proud sister.

The band plays the final notes, and Harry ends it with the last whale of the tour. The cheers are endless as he begins to bow and blow kisses in every direction. Harry stops at every band member giving them hugs and sharing small words with them. Sarah continues the final notes dragging them out with Mitch on guitar. 

Harry calls the entire band in for a final bow. He holds them tight as they thank the fans. The smile never drops for any of them as they move to the other side of the stage to do the same. He does not hurry to get off the stage as he did every night before. 

Tonight he takes his time, looking up and down, trying to take in every person in the arena. He bows at the edge of the stairs before walking down; just as he is in reach, he spots Jeff first but is stopped by a fan who has two bouquets of gorgeous flowers for him. Harry takes them, holding the fan's hand tightly for a few seconds before walking away. 

He walks straight to Jeff, bringing him in for a tight hug. Moving on to Gemma, who wraps him in a tight hug, trying her best to brush her tears away. Finally, he stops right in front of you. If there weren't thousands of fans watching and recording, he would have kissed you, but he still pulls you into his chest, and you feel him melt in your hold for the slightest second. Harry presses a kiss to your temple, holding eye contact with you for a second, handing you a bouquet of yellow flowers while keeping the other before walking backstage.  

Gemma links arms with you, careful with the flowers you are cradling. She gets close to fans calling both your names right by the barricade. 

"Hi everyone," Gemma greets. You send them a wave, holding on tighter to her arm. "Bye." 

She turns you both around, leading you back to Michal and Glenne, who stayed waiting for you. 

"Kind of you to do that."

Gemma shrugs, "felt a bit awkward." 

"Me too," you laugh, trying to make her feel better.

"How? You live for this." 

You laugh, "not exactly this." You gesture around you. "This isn't my element. It is Harry's." 

"I think you still shine." 

"For him." You confide. 

"Come on, I can hear him complaining now about how long you made him wait." 

"Lead the way."

The adrenaline is gone, the feeling has set, and it's over. Love on Tour has ended. 

Everyone is tired but not ready to call it a night. Since you arrived at the dressing room, Harry has not let you out of his sight. He kept you tucked right by his side, giving you kisses whenever he steals the chance. 

Sarah and Mitch are there sleeping baby sleeping in a bassinet. Not caring about all the ruckus happening around him. Loud music playing and lots of snack munching, not to mention endless amounts of drinks being made, everyone suddenly claiming they were a great bartender putting their skills to the test. 

After mingling with everyone, Harry steals you away, stepping away from his sister and friends, claiming he needs fresh air for a second, but goes toward the direction of the stage. 

"What are we doing?" You ask, holding tight to his hands as he goes up some stairs leading you through sections of the arena, a much higher view than you've gotten. 

"Let's sit."

You hesitate, "sure, this is okay? People are working." 

Harry grins, pulling your hand, wanting you to take the seat next to him. "I knew you'd ask, so yes, I asked for permission, and also, these sections have been cleaned." 

With that answer, you allow him to guide you to the seat next to him, never letting go of his hand. 

He doesn't say a word; instead just tucks you closer to his side, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as he sees his crew working to take down the stage for a final time. Harry had offered his help, but they shrugged him off and told him to go celebrate. 

"So," 

"So."

"What now?"

You're confused about what he's speaking about.

"What do you mean, H?"

Harry squeezes you tight, breathing you in and then out. "How are we going to make this work? You're going to be crazy busy, and I'm going to miss you."

"I'll visit."

"You will?" He asked, surprised although he was hoping you'd say that.

"Course. Why wouldn't I?"

"Europe is far from America." Harry reminds you.

"Good thing I'm not in America."

Now he's really interested. "Where will you be?"

"Australia for the beginning of next year but mostly London hence looking for a place to live."

"Will you really?"

"Yes, plus travel is much easier there." 

"Will sometimes be a train ride away when I'm touring, and you're home." 

"I'll find a way to get to you, H. Never forget that." You promise. 

"Me too, darling. I'll always be a phone call away." 

You lean in and hold him close, cupping his face as you breathe him in, getting lost in his soft lips that taste like the strawberry margarita Mitch made for him. Not your favorite taste, but against his lips, it's the sweetest taste. Harry cuts the kiss short, knowing you were far from eye view but also being respectful. He doesn't pull away, instead leaning his forehead on yours, lips close to touching still if you lean forward and steal a quick peck. The smile grows on his face displaying his beautiful dimples.

"I love you," he breathes against your lips.

"I love you, H." 

"We're going to be fine." He tells you needing to hear it out loud.

"We are." 

Harry closed his eyes, nodding his head. "Good. That's good." 

You settle against each other once again. This time your legs are resting in his lap as you lean your head on your arm, taking him in. 

"How are you spending the holidays? Don't think you've told me." Harry ponders, his hand shifting his rings onto your hand. 

"With Naomi and her family." 

"That should be fun." 

"It will. Are you going home?"

"I am." 

You hum in response.

"Can–can we meet for New Year?" Harry asks, hopeful.

You wince, "about that."

"What now?" He grumbles, causing you to giggle, only for him to look at you confused. 

"See, Naomi and I met a bet back in September when we went to this concert together. Don't ask who you wouldn't know the artist." You tease.

Harry tenses up, knowing very well that you're talking about him, "what was it?"

You shake your head, fiddling with Harry's cross necklace, filled with nerves and excitement to tell him. "Naomi swore you'd recognize me, and I was sure you wouldn't." You shrugged like it was nothing. "I was wrong."

He agrees. 

"She bet on Christmas in London, and I bet on New Year's in Italy. She chose London because she knew I was thinking about making it home." You share, although he knows this already.

"What are you saying, Bel?" His eyes are shining, gleaming with tears. 

"How would you feel about five of us joining you for Christmas?" You beam at him, letting out a nervous laugh. "Naomi's siblings can't make it. They will be spending it with their in-laws since their parents got them for Thanksgiving." 

"All of you?" He asks, stunned. 

"Course, a package deal." You laugh, knowing it's a lot to ask for someone else's family to join you for a holiday, especially as a new couple. Though you know that you and Harry are very different from others. There was an instant connection in St. Paul that has only gotten stronger over the last few months. 

"You'd come to Holmes Chapel." He repeats, wanting to clarify that is what you mean.

"Yes, that is what I'm saying. Got to see where you came from, don't I? Where you got your first kiss, first job, that lake you always talk about." 

"I'd have to ask Mum about the extra company, but you're welcome. Of course, you are. No way she'd say no," he tells you excitedly. 

You try your best to hold back a smile but know you're failing miserably, "you're Mum knows."

"Bel."

"She does." You laugh, "I mentioned it to her in Los Angeles. She was thrilled. The morning before, you took me golfing."

"I-what." He pauses, before frowning, "the day before our fight."

"Yeah," you wince.

"I'm an idiot."

"A bit," you joke.

"You could have told me."

"I thought you'd pick up on me being extra giddy." 

"Always happy with me." He presses a kiss to your temple, and you know he's getting lost in thought. 

"I am sorry about that night."

"I know." You squeeze his knee in assurance. 

"It's just–"

"–H," you try to stop him.

"No, I won't let you down. You're everything Bel, nothing I could have dreamed of. I find it hard to explain how much I love you."

"I love you." 

The easiest words you can say to him to express how you feel. 

Harry looked at you with so much emotion that you thought your heart might stop. His eyes told you everything, how grateful he was to have you, how grateful he didn't have to say goodbye and that he loved you with everything he had. Looking at him soul to soul, you knew nothing would tear you apart from him. 

Time seemed to stop when his lips met yours, the flutters in your stomach ever-present as well as the safety of being loved washed over you. You focused on how in sync you moved together, how perfect this kiss was, wrapping up all you couldn't say and expressing it, knowing that you both got the message. 

You pull back, breathless, smiling at Harry as he thumbs at your plumb bottom lip from all the kissing. 

 "Surprised you didn't I." 

You look pleased as you tell him, just taking him in. How radiant he looks, his cheeks pink and eyes gleaming with joy.

"You did," Harry admits. "Can stay with me. I have lots of space."

"Good, I was worried I couldn't afford a hotel," you quip.

"Bel, "he deadpans.

"Kidding."

Harry rolls his eyes playfully. 

"Another favor I have to ask you."

"What?"

"Go house hunting with me, there's a few I have to see but need a good opinion, and you've got a mansion or whatever, so you have a good eye." You can't hold back the excitement, practically bouncing in your seat. 

"Could always—"

"Don't even finish that."

"Too soon."

"A bit."

"That's fine."

"So you're coming home with me."

"I am."

"Best news ever." He says, beginning to shower you in kisses all over your face, and you let him loving the feel of his lips against your skin. He whispers sweet nothings after each kiss, expressing how excited he is. How he can't wait to show you off to his entire family.

But most importantly, to have you for a long time.

To have each other, forever.

"I love you."

“ I love you, mi estrella.”

You honestly had no idea what the new year would bring you but knew you'd do anything to make it work with Harry by your side.

Love on Tour had brought you exactly that, love. 

If you've made it to the end here I just want to thank you. thank you for taking the time to read my story, whether you were here from the first time I posted in September to now months later posting the last part in April. I never saw myself writing a series, nevertheless this long. It was all thanks to you for your support, all your reblogs, comments, and sweet messages that kept me going. I appreciated every single message more than you can know. I love you and I love how you loved this story. I am so proud of the story I've written and now it is for you to read and share. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and I hope you continue to support my writing. I love you.

taglist: @alienorknight @harry-is-my-sunflower @myfavfanficsever @springholland @michellekstyles @harryismyfwend @japanchrry @onlyamylee @golden-hoax @itsmycorneroftheinternet @harryspirate @tenaciousperfectionunknown @thurhomish @thelovecayon @shawnieeboyy @dontworrysunflower

[horce-divorce]

something something about the power imbalance inherent to being an unhoused person, how similar it is to the dependency that abusers intentionally foster in their relationships to keep victims from leaving. but if you're homeless and someone is putting you up, especially if it's for free/some kind of exchange other than rent, you're basically expected to put up with whatever indignity they can imagine for you and still just be grateful. And if you set a boundary or speak up for yourself in any kind of way, that's Taking Advantage of this poor kind person who's doing SO much for you already, how could you?

sorry its 2am and I'm trying to write a better draft about this for later too but its like. being homeless is a huge, huge vulnerability. ppl people will look to exploit that, intentionally or not. and doubly so if you're homeless because you're disabled.

also something the ableism involved... about how I know so many fellow disabled people who have struggled with homelessness, and we all have similar stories about people we trusted, friends or loved ones who seemed all too happy to help and take us in, and how we repeatedly impressed upon them the nature of our health and the situation, and they swore up and down that they understood and that we were on the same page about boundaries and expectations... only to have them blow up and kick us out at the absolute first sign of conflict or miscommunication, or because we didn't get jobs fast enough, or because we didn't contribute financially even after being told that wasn't expected, and so on.

and how, I know so many housed people who have never been through this, who all have very similar stories about how they tried to help a friend in need once, and they were SO lazy and horrible and took SO long to get their shit together that they clearly were just a freeloader taking advantage who should've never been trusted, just like all homeless people, and that's why we give them socks and canned beans instead of money.

I was never allowed to complain about ableist expectations or abled people ignoring my boundaries in my parents' home. Especially not after I became a disabled adult who still needed help with housing. And that's been true of most of the couch-hopping I've done since then, too.

Currently we have a fairly nice situation... we live with a trusted and pleasant friend. It's a whole house, not an apartment. Not even in the city. We have our own entire room. We don't have to pay rent or anything. It's temporary even aside from our discomfort, it's just been a nice place to land for the cold months.

However. Friends parents are not so chill. Their dad is the most disgusting man alive and has repeatedly gotten us sick bc he's always got something, bleeds all over and never cleans it up, never washes his hands, leaves his dentures on countertops and tables with food still stuck on them, coughs all over our stuff and never masks, is actively making the mouse infestation worse with all the food he leaves out, and puts our health at risk in SO many ways.

he used to work in Healthcare btw. His wife still does. They know we're here bc we're homeless; they know we're both disabled and immunocompromised; neither of them will wear a mask. Both of them are constantly coughing everywhere and not even covering their mouths. We've tried to politely bring this to their attention multiple times and nothing changes. They just ignore us.

We could literally die from this. We could get lifelong health complications even worse than what we have now. Bel lost his sense of taste today and now we're terrified that it's gonna be long covid or something else that sucks what little joy is left from our daily lives.

You lose everything, and then you're supposed to just say nothing and accept your lot, no matter how much danger you're in, because beggars can't be choosers. If you're disabled and poor you'd better just be fine with people abusing you and putting your health and safety at risk indefinitely, because you're lucky they're even helping you at all instead of JUST abusing you.

You dont get to have a home. You dont get to collect things, or keep sentimental things, or have a whole, adequate wardrobe. You get what you can carry with you and what won't get stolen or destroyed by others, or by the nature of moving so much. You dont get to have safety and stability and roots and community. You dont get the dignity of boundaries or your own space. You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. And be happy and say "thank you" if people are merely ignoring you instead of actively silencing you. And if the people "helping" you actually give you the thing that kills you, at least you didn't die of exposure, I guess? Or something?

Its just. Every single thing you do as both a homeless & disabled person reminds you how utterly worthless you are to the """normal""" people around you. Every day. It's so demoralizing.

[seulszn]

Can you do the “24 Hours with” and “beauty secret” thing they do with Vogue but with Y/N and Bella Ramsey. idk why it sounds better in my head. 😭

24 Hours with Y/N and Bella Ramsey | Vogue

Pairing: Bella Ramsey x fem reader

Sypnosis: you and Bella do the 24 hours vlog for vogue

Warnings: N/A

No this is actually a really good idea honestly I will totally LOVE to do the makeup one with Bella I’m gonna have to brainstorm some things tho 😭 also I hope you enjoy this little fic. (This is my first time writing for Bella so give me feedback please 🙏🏾)

“Good morning Vogue Bella Ramsey here with my lovely sleepy girlfriend and this is our 24 hour vlog.” They say leaning on you and stuffing the camera into your face.

“Leave me alone Bella I’m tired” you said pulling the covers up to your face and turning away from them. They only snickers before getting up and walking into the bathroom that is connected to her master bedroom. “It is currently 4 o’clock in the morning and we are in my hometown of Nottingham England.” They say talking into the camera. Bella was so excited about this vlog that they didn’t exactly know if you felt the same way. You came to England with Bella for a little vacation away from home and they had so much stuff planned for you to do.

“Y/N usually wakes up really late but I just won’t allow it this time” He adds as you shuffle into the bathroom with the blanket wrapped around your cold body “it’s too cold Bels” you groan looking at him sitting on a small stool, leaning on her she wraps his hands around your waist. “I’m sorry dear” he whispers before turning their attention back on the camera. “we have a long day today of photo shoots, clothes fittings, etc” they say as you turn to face the camera. “I wanted to stay in for real but he insisted” you say into the camera as Bella rubs your back.

“But why? We should spend as much time with each other as we can before you go back home!” They say looking at you. The thing is you didn’t plan on leaving, you didn’t plan on it you wanted to stay with Bella but you have no clue if she wanted the same. With a small smile on your face you kiss her forehead before getting up. “Fine as long as we can stop by a bakery to pick up some pastries then we are good” you add walking out of the bathroom and over to where you put your suitcases.

“Anything for you dear”

You and Bella have been dating for a little over a year you two met through the show you guys were working on “The Last Of Us” playing as a couple in the show wasn’t easy but it got better as you guys got to know each other. One of the things that was annoying about being a couple was paparazzi they were everywhere they harassed the two of you guys before you guys were a actual oficial “Couple”. But hey that’s what being famous is all about

“Me and Y/N always wear matching outfits when we can” Bella says talking into the camera as you fix your fishnets “the vibe today is cozy yet cute” they say placing the camera down on their vanity table and grabbing a jewelry box from out of a drawer. “Oh look at what Y/N made me for my rings” they say showing the camera a jewelry box you made for him “ain’t it cute?” They add giggling before opening the box and removing the rings they wanna wear. You walk over before stopping behind Bella. “Bels how is my outfit?” You ask trying to get his opinion on a fit you feel is a little to much. He turns around before smiling “You look cute” he squeals grabbing ahold of your hands. You smile at him “are you ready?” You ask as he nods his head.

——

“What kind of pastries do they have?” You ask as you and look at the glass with weird looking dishes “uhh a lot” they say scratching the back of their head trying to think of what to get. “I know that silly I’m asking what is good” you giggle as Bella smiles at you. “Get the scone it’s a all time favorite here” they say before pointing at a pastry with blueberries on it. You nod your head before turning to the cashier “yea I’ll get that” you say as the man nods his head and placing it into a small little oven to heat it up “what are you getting?” You ask Bella as she points to a chocolate croissant. “Well here you two lovebirds go” the cashier says handing you guys the pastries with a smile you had him some money before he stops you “please it’s on me, I’m a huge fan of you” he says as you smile.

“No please I can’t just take it” you say as he shakes his head walking off you turn to Bella as he’s stuffing his face “come on Y/N” she says as you shake your head no not wanting to leave without paying so you just place the amount on the counter as you walk off Bella just stares at you before following after you.

“Is it good” you ask Bella as she nods her head as he pushes it towards your face making you try it “it’s alright I don’t like dark chocolate” you say with a smile as Bella rolls her eyes and whispers something under her breath. Pulling the camera from out of her bag she opens it before recording. “So right now we are on the way to the studio to take pictures to promote the last of us, then after we have to get fitting for some award shows, and then after that it’s dinner with Pedro” they say discussing the day you guys have.

“Dinner with Pedro? Hmm this will be interesting.” You say as Bella laughs at you. Pedro was you two’s biggest supporters he knew that day you and Bella met each other a spark would happen he was your dad’s best friend and ever since he died he has kind of been a little bit overprotective of you he didn’t want anything bad to happen to you but he’s learned to back off a little bit now since you and Bella got together cause he feels like you would be safe in his arms.

“Y/N get comfortable please your so tense.” Your outfit designer Naomi says placing the finishing touches onto your outfit for your photo shoot. “Sorry just a lot going on” you say bitting your nails before a stress ball was placed into your hand “what happened? Fill me in? Was it Bella? DON’T TELL ME YOU GUYS BROKE UP!” Your best friend Sabrina who is also your manager yells gripping your arm.

“What- no we didn’t break up it’s just i don’t know I’m suppose to go back home soon and I don’t want to” you says as Sabrina nods her head scrolling though her phone “I’m guessing you don’t wanna leave her here is that correct?” You nod your head as Naomi groans leaning her head on you in disappointment. “Y/N if you love him why is this even a thing to be stressed about” she adds before poking you accidentally. You yelp before shrugging your shoulders “I mean Bella deserves her personal space and I don’t wanna invade that because I don’t wanna be alone” you stated as the room goes silent. You look over at Sabrina, and Naomi side eyeing you.

“What?”

“Y/N are you hearing yourself?” Sabrina says as you don’t say anything just stare “have you even told Bella how you felt? About moving in with her?” Naomi ask as you space out before shaking your head as Sabrina groans and Naomi face palms herself. “What! I was thinking about telling her…one day hopefully” you say mumbling the last few parts in hope that they didn’t hear you. “Aren’t you guys going out to dinner?” You nod your head as Sabrina claps her hands with a smile on her face. “Good why not ask her then?” She says as you shrug your shoulders once again “I don’t know I don’t-” “Oh My Gosh Y/N stop making up excuses just this once” Naomi says before backing up to look at your outfit.

“You look beautiful dear” Bella says before looking at the camera posing, you smile at the before looking at him “Bella I need to talk to you about something later tonight” you offer as Bella nods her head with a smile on their face. “Sure dear how about at dinner tonight” they offer as you nod your head before turning your attention back onto the camera.

——

“Here we are at a five star restaurant with Mr. Pedro Pascal” your girlfriend says introducing the guest at the table he waves to the camera with a smile on his face. He takes the camera out of Bella’s hand before speaking into it. “What is this for?” He ask looking over at Bella who is looking at a menu. “It’s for vogue” he answers as Pedro nods his head before talking to the camera. You smile at him before pointing at something on the menu “they have Tofu Bella” you say as Bella’s face changes she smiles at you “They have a whole Vegan category right here” you point once again as she squeals.

“Do you know how hard it is to find vegan stuff at restaurants?” Bella answers as you smile at how cute they are. “Oh what would I do without you? Your always looking after me!” He says before grabbing your hand and pressing kisses to it. “So what are you gonna get?” You ask as Bella shrugs her shoulders before glancing at something on the menu. “Wanna share this spaghetti with me?” They ask before turning to you with a smile. You shrug your shoulders “I never had Tofu before” Bella eyes widen at what you said before shaking her head in disbelief “all this time since we have been dating you never once had tofu?” They ask as you look up into space trying to find at least a time you have had it….but nothing is clicking you shake your head. “We have to change that” they say as you giggle.

“You know it’s kind of unfair” Pedro says as you and Bella turn to him with the camera still in his hand. “What’s unfair?” You both say in unison. “You know how come vogue asked you guys to do the 24 hour thing before me!” He grumbles as you and Bella look at each other before laughing “it’s not funny! This is not funny it’s quite unfair actually, why didn’t they ask me huh? Do they think my life is that boring? Well I’ll tell you what my life is actually full with thrill” he says once again you and Bella don’t say anything you just stare at him. “Well maybe you might be the next person they ask” you say as Bella nods her head in agreement. Pedro mumbles something under his breath you roll your eyes “you know I was in shock when they asked us to do it y’know?” Bella confessed.

The waiter walks over with a smile on his face “what can I get the three of you guys today?” He ask as Bella points to his menu with a smile on his face “this Tofu spaghetti-” “with Mushrooms” you add interrupting her ordering Bella glances over at you before looking back at the waiter “with mushrooms, and vegan cheese on top” he adds as the waiter writes it down. He turns to you before you order a shrimp Alfredo but with extra shrimp on the side. The waiter leaves after he gets everyone’s order.

A good twenty minutes go by of everyone talking until Bella interrupts you “So Y/N what did you need to tell me?” Bella says as you stare at them in confusion before remembering. “O-oh yea um I n-need to tell you something” you stutter as Bella nods her head with a big smile on her face and ushering you to go on you start playing with your fingers not knowing what to say. “Come on babe say it I won’t judge you” she reassure you which calms you down slightly. As you open your mouth to say something the waiters comes over with your food “Tofu Spaghetti with mushrooms, Shrimp Alfredo with extra shrimp and your food will be out shortly” the waiter says before leaving to get Pedro’s food.

The night went of with ease Pedro and Bella cracking jokes, you making fun of Pedro, him recording cute moments between the two of you. It almost made you forget what you wanted to ask Bella until Pedro got up to use the restroom the table goes quiet for a few seconds before Bella grabs ahold of your hand.

“W-well you know how we have been together for a while now?” You question as Bella nods their head slightly confused. “Well don’t you think it’s time to take our relationship to the next level?” Bella tilts her head not knowing what you are trying to get at. “Babe what do you mean?”

“I just don’t wanna leave you-” “what do you mean leave me?” Bella says interrupting you, you sigh before grabbing Bella’s other hand “I go back to America in forty eight hours and I don’t wanna continue this long distance relationship anymore” Bella looks at you taking in what you are saying “I love you Bella I really, really do and this has been on my mind all day but I really want us to move in together. You can say no it’s totally fine i would understand one hundred percent if you want your personal space-” Bella stops you before you continued to ramble on and on. “Is that really what has been bothering you? Y/N I wanted to keep this a secret from you but I have been apartment searching since you came here” he reveals as you stare at him.

Really?” you ask as he nods with a smile on his face. Pedro walks back over to the table sitting down as you and Bella continue with your conversation “Aw Bella I love you so much” you say before hugging her and planting kisses all over her face. Pedro looks at the two of you confused but with a smile on his face at the cute little scene in front of him. “Me and Bella are moving in with each other!” You yell excited as Bella laughs at you.

“Fucking finally” Pedro says as you glare at him he snickers before placing the camera into Bella’s hand “if I can help you guys move in it would make my day” he offers as you nod your head turning to Bella with a smile on your face

—

“Me and Y/N are finally moving in with each other” Bella’s says as you nod your head wrapping your arms around his waist and planting kisses onto his shoulders. “It was such a fun day” he says “a long day” you add on as they snicker. “Well vogue this is 24 hours with Bella Ramsey and Y/N L/N and we hope you had a good day with us today until next time!” They say as you both wave at the camera. Bella closes the camera before turning to you “new adventures await m’lady” they stated as you roll your eyes with a smile on your face you honestly can’t wait to spend the rest of your life with her.

I hope you enjoyed this I tried my best with this fic (and I feel as if I rushed the ending) I take criticism so please give me feedback and please request :) orevwa Ⓒ︎ bellaxellie.