#I LITERALLY CAME BACK FROM NEVER WANTING TO POST JUST TO SHARE THIS ALBUM BTW

[hwrryscherry]

HARRY x MODEL Y/N  facts part.1

HARRYxMODELY/N masterlist is here.

Credits: The middle manip on this edit picture (the one with Harry’s yellow suit) was made by the beautiful @/94sbells.

Author’s note: HEY GUYS! I know that I’ve been kinda gone lately, but I have reasons for that. My summer vacation ended, and I had to go back to school. We’re still studying online, but I had to take a diagnostic test this past week so they’d know how’s my scholarity level. So, because of all the studying and trying to keep up on a new school (yes, I moved from schools.), I didn’t have any time to write or finish my writings. I’ll try finishing a request today because I’m feeling super creative and nostalgic BUT to everyone who follows HARRYxMODELY/N series, like it and miss it, I just did this ‘’facts-timeline’’ in a hope to feed you guys lol. Anyway, this is like a time line of 2017 and how their relationship developed on that year. I plan on doing one for each year till 2020 and post it on the break between posting the requests. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and maybe discover things about them that you didn’t know yet. Love you all and thank you for the support and love! TPWK and remember that you’re so golden.

The first ever communication between them was on May 12th, 2017(Model Y’N’s 20th birthday) AND the realesing of HS1 album.

She sent a DM to him on instagram congratulating him by saying she loved the album and wished him all the success.

No, they didn’t know each other and she honestly thought that he’d never answer to her.

After a few hours, Harry answered to her message and she freaked out but never answered back because she didn’t want to bother him.

They officialy met on November 28th, 2017 when Harry performed on Victoria Secrets Fashion Show that occured in Shanghai, China.

It was the first time that Model Y/N ever walked for Victoria Secrets.

She walked the Goddesses segment while Harry sang ‘’Only Angel’’.

Harry literally got on his knees when she walked past him.

He likes to describe his emotion at that moment as “mesmerized”.

Even though she knew that VS models and the singers are supposed to flirt a little on stage to create a teasing sensation, she was so surprised by his actions.

After the show was done, Harry wasn’t going to attend the VS after party but decided to attend last minute because he wanted to know her.

He approached her very calmly and gentle and invited her to ‘’hang out’’ with him and his band through Shanghai as he was going to leave on the next day to complete his tour.

She asked Bella to go with her because she didn’t want to hang out with him and his bandmates alone as they didn’t know each other.

But she did felt a huge connection between them almost immidiately.

Through Shanghai, Harry was hitting on her the ENTIRE time! He was complimenting, being super nice, and flirting as well but she honestly thought he was just being nice.

Harry thought for a while that she was playing it hard to get until he realized that she wasn’t.

They spent the whole night going through Shanghai.

They went to Nanjing Road and walked around seeing the lights.

They bought those film cameras and took the funniest pictures ever. They still have those films but never digitalized it to the computer.

They went to all those mini bars and had a few drinks while eating chinese food.

Btw, Harry and Model Y/N LOVE chinese food.

They were on the same hotel.

They didn’t go back yet but plan to do so when quarantine is over.

When it was about 8am, they came back to their hotel.

They both agreed that they would come back to Shanghai one day to go to disneyland.

So Harry went back to his tour and Model Y/N went back to NYC.

On the night out in Shanghai they exchanged numbers because Bella Hadid(Model Y/N’s bff)noticed that Harry was interested on Model Y/N, so she casually told them that they should get each other’s number.

The media was crazy about them. First it was the VS move and then there was tons of paps photos of them out in Shanghai.

The media was trying to sell the story as if they were already dating before the VS, which wasn’t true.

They talked for months as friends because of the number exchange.

They talked via texts, calls and face time all the time but it wasn’t anything more than friendship to her.

Model Y/N and some friends of her was planning on traveling to Ibiza, Spain to celebrate New Year’s Eve and as she and Harry were getting really close to each other she invited him and told him that he could take whoever he wanted.

Of course she thought he was cute and had a small crush but nothing extreme.

Harry did invited her for some of his shows but she couldn’t attend any of it.

That made Harry think that she didn’t like him.

She thought he was going to take a girlfriend.

Harry took Gemma and her boyfriend to the trip with him.

Yes, their whole group of friends were there as well but midia acted like there was only them in it.

They were in Ibiza from December 28th, 2017 to January 3rd, 2018.

The group of friends that was in Ibiza with them included Bella Hadid, Fai Khadra, Imaan Hammam, Grace Elizabeth, Gemma Styles, Machine Gun Kelly, Model Y/N’s brother, etc.

And yes, there were TONS of paps in Ibiza following them because the media was selling the whole ‘’Harry Styles’s new girlfriend’s thing.“

Harry is super private about relationships and Model Y/N had ended a serious relationship early that year so they just didn’t address any rumors because they didn’t care about what the media said.

They “saw” each other as friends and that was what mattered.

It was probably the most random group of friends that she ever traveled with, but it was fun on the same way.

They had a really cool and funny vibe, and it was really easy to everyone to get along.

When fans noticed that Y/N’s friends were following Harry on social media they really thought all the rumors were real.

Their house was really close to the beach, so you could actually see it by Harry’s bedroom barricade.

They usually went to the beach or stayed by the pool during the day and went out at night.

Honestly, they used to come home from the nightlife of Ibiza at 3/4am.

They’d wake up after noon for sure.

Harry wouldn’t eat his breakfast until Model Y/N’s woken up.

He’d cook an avocado toast sandwich to her every morning and wait for her to wake up.

He’d do it because on one of their late night talks, she had told him that she loved it so much.

They’d eat at the barricade while watching the beach.

Model Y/N HAD always been obsessed with Harry’s hair and she’d tell him that he needed to moisturize his hair as they were under the sun all the time.

It was just an excuse to touch his hair.

So they’d exchange it. She’d put oil on his hair, and he’d put on hers.

If they had to go to the beach, Harry would convince her to do the craziest things like fly board flying, going on jetskis together and those things.

He was the only one to convince her to do it because she is TERRIFIED of swimming in the ocean.

They’d all go out for lunch on some restaurants and after going shopping before the sunset.

Harry would always come to her saying like “oh, this would look good in you” whenever he saw a piece of cloth that he liked.

Some fans would post pics of them on social media only making the rumors go hard.

Then one fan would post that met up with them and they said they’re just friends, which was true at that time.

Back at the house, they’d get ready to enjoy the Ibiza nightlife.

They’d dress a little better and go out to some bar or club.

Do you know those videos of Harry dancing in Anguilla? It would be the same vibe. Harry and Model Y/N would vibe so hard to the songs, and dance and shout and sing. It would be really funny.

Model Y/N used to go to his room at 4 am when they came back from the street because they usually sit by the barricade and talked for hours.

They’d talk about all the things that mattered to them, like: career, fashion, music, video, paintings, friends, family, how fame changed their lives.

They’d laugh about all the dating rumors as well, but it would be that type of laugh like “lol I wished it was true.”

They’d tell each other dad jokes and stories about their lives and experiences until the sunrise.

By the afternoon of December 31st, 2017, they were all talking about their new year’s kiss and they decided that Harry and Y/N would be one of the pairs to kiss.

Model Y/N agreed but it was more of a joke to her than a real kiss; she didn’t take it seriously.

They all got ready to celebrate NYE on the beach.

On the next day there were tons of videos of them dancing on the beach and them with fans as well.

When the New Year came, they had their first kiss and of course that changed everything.

Both of them felt sparkles and by the effect of a few drinks that both of them had on that night, they did share some other kisses here and there on that night.

For a miracle, no one captured them kissing on camera.

FACTS OF HARRY & MODEL Y/N’S RELATIONSHIP THROUGH 2018 WILL BE CONTINUED ON THE NEXT POST.

[betterdaysareatoenailaway]

Sleep Tight For Me...I’m Gone

Lately I’ve been writing these Better Days Are A Toenail Away™️ posts in Microsoft Word, selecting all and changing the font to Garamond, which is so readable and beautiful, and posting the Word docs, paragraphs by paragraph, inside these Tumblr drafts. It makes things look nice, to my old fashioned sensibilities, but fixing errors is a time-consuming and needlessly convoluted four-step process.

First, I have to copy, then delete the paragraph containing the error. Then I open the doc. and paste the error-ridden paragraph back into Word. After I find and fix the error, I need to save it and copy and paste it back into the post. It's time-consuming because I’m not just copying a paragraph. As you can see from more recent post, what I copied looked more like a photograph of the paragraph, not the words themselves written in Tumblr’s default font Arial. For an example of this, see below. I like the way it looks like old newspaper clippings. I posted an article about how my fent dealer John Smith kept getting robbed, and had resorted to putting a machete in front of his front door as a way of preventing this, a lever of sorts, which is plainly visible in the video I posted,

So today I’ve given up on trying to make my posts look like books or zines, and have given into the Tumblr font, which is about as pretty as a horse with his snout shot off.

There are two much longer posts I’m working on right now, one about Nirvana and one about Soundgarden, respectively, and how both bands were very unlike their public perception, but those posts are taking a lot of work so I’m putting them on the backburner because today is some dumbass corporation’s day where it tries to synthesize mental health and profit and the end result is as baldly capitalist and clumsy as you would expect. 

I’m not gonna name the company, or repeat their stupid fucking slogan. As far as I can tell (which isn't very far), talking about my trauma has never made me feel better. And in fact it has sometimes made me feel worse, because in telling you what hurts and scares me, I’ve given a part of myself away that I can’t get back. When you’re like me, and you’ve lost everything multiple times, sometimes the only form of power you have is how you choose, or do not choose, to tell your story. And in a world where everybody wants to tell “their truth,” silence is power. 

You don’t get to know me, sorry. I’m not gonna hand you my life, both my bad and good experiences, and conclude: “Welp, that’s why I’m so fucked up. Case closed.” 

Honestly, I used to be a little confused, or miffed that my former partner (who is an amazing person btw, in every respect) almost never spoke about some of the traumatic things she’d experienced in her past. I took it as a sign that she either didn’t trust me, or she didn’t think I would be a sympathetic listener, or the mere fact of my gender precluded her from sharing because I couldn’t truly understand what it was she had gone through. It’s not like I ever asked her to talk about it, but I did say, once or twice, “hey if you ever wanna talk about that stuff, I’m around.” She never took me up on it, and I let it go. 

But as I watched her, and saw her life unfold, over the years we spent together, I began to realize I wasn’t exactly in any position to be telling her how to live her life or how to be mentally healthy. After all, she has found success in a number of avenues, both creative and occupational, and I’ve found neither. I'm not saying the fact that she didn't talk much about her trauma is the reason for her success. I'm saying that she's forged a better path through life than I have, and maybe I should take a cue from that.

She never told me what to do, per se. It was more like living by example. But because I’m pretty dense, and a severe addict, our time together actually sorta reminds me now of that Cornell lyric from his first record: She’s going to change the world. But she can’t change me.

I have certainly found that talking about how shitty my life is only makes me feel more shitty, not free, or unburdened, or better. If you wanna talk about your problems, and you find it helpful, more power to you. Just don’t wait for a corporation to tell you it’s okay to not be okay. 

When Chris Cornell died I was so shocked. Of all the grunge icons he seemed the most stable, and he'd survived the rise and fall of two major label rock bands. If anyone had survived the media machine that chewed up and spat out Staley, Cobain, and to a lesser extent Andrew Wood and Shannon Hoon, it was Cornell. He would be the last guy to support hashtag activism like #StarbucksMyLifeSucks. Chris Cornell actually loved to fuck with the best laid plans of corporate rats. Molson once had a few promotional concerts in Tuktoyaktuk, Northwest Territories, called Molson Canadian Rocks Arctic, with both Hole and Soundgarden playing to a crowd of flown-in grunge fans and bemused locals. But the whole anti-corporate thing grunge was known for actually came through when Courtney Love told the crowd she “use[d] Molson Canadian to douche.” Lol. Here’s a photo of Love arriving in Tuktoyatuk.

Cornell told the same people “so we’re here because of some beer company? Labatt’s?” Both artists’ jabs are funny. Cornell’s was a bit more subtle, but that’s what Cornell was like. 

So today’s post is about Chris Cornell’s suicide, more specifically the media’s reaction to it. For whatever reason, when Cornell died, every single news outlet, from CNN to Fox to CBC, posted “Black Hole Sun,” as if it’s the only song he ever fucking wrote, or – and this is far worse – the only song he wrote that’s worth hearing. The problem with this is more than twofold or threefold. It's fucking hydraheaded. 

Not only is “Black Hole Sun” a mediocre piece of music, it’s a complete misrepresentation of Soundgarden’s sound. 

Now, I’m a huge fan of the A.V. Club series HateSong, in which public figures gleefully talk shit about the one song they hate more than any other song in the world. The Max Bemis (Say Anything) one where he talks about Nirvana’s “Rape Me” as a terrible rewrite of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” is terrific, but comedian Anthony Jeselnik’s HateSong takes “Black Hole Sun” apart, and I love it. I think the best line is: I think the more I hear it, the worse it gets. AVC: After the song became a huge hit, Chris Cornell said that he’d written it in about 15 minutes. AJ: I totally believe that. I don’t believe that Soundgarden likes that song. Like, I remember Eminem once said that he knew his song “My Name Is” was going to be a huge hit because the first time he heard it he was annoyed. It’s something about an annoying song that just grabs onto people. But I don’t think that anyone likes “Black Hole Sun.” I’ve never heard of anyone who likes it. I don’t understand why it gets played so much. It’s become a summer jam, and it’s not a summer song at all. Jeselnik is right that Soundgarden didn’t think much of the song. Guitarist Kim Thayil wasn’t kidding when he disparagingly called it the “Dream On” of their live show. And Cornell himself, known for a meticulous approach to his songwriting, had admitted that with “Black Hole Sun”was “probably the closest to me just playing with words for words’ sake, of anything I’ve written. I guess it worked for a lot of people who heard it, but I have no idea how you'd begin to take that one literally.” I mean it’s obvious from the opening lines that Cornell is just playing with words and how they sound: in my eyes/indisposed/in disguises no one knows What songs would have been more appropriate for Cornell’s untimely death? Glad you asked! Cuz there’s like…fucking at least ten that would have been better. I’m not tryna be one of those “the deep album cuts are better maaaaaan,” but with Soundgarden, it happens to be true. With some bands, the single are their best work. With other bands, the singles are the hors d’oeuvres for the entrees. So what deep cuts would have celebrated Cornell’s death a bit better? Well, to begin with, Superunknown’s strange and stately closer “Like Suicide” would have worked, for obvious reasons.

“Tighter and Tighter,” a song that is actually about the moment of death and what it might feel like, is one of my all-time fav Soundgarden songs. Not only is it a creepy and prescient prediction of what Cornell’s death by hanging himself may have felt like, it’s opening line is a good description of the personification of death: Shadow face/Blowing smoke and talking wind

Another sample lyric: “A sucking holy wind will take me from this bed tonight/and bloody wits another hits me and I have to say goodbye/sleep tight for me, I’m gone/and I hope it’s  a sweet ride/here for me tonight/cuz I’m feel I’m going/feel I’m slowing down.” 

The morning after Cornell’s death hit the news my buddy and bandmate James told me that en route to work his phone, which was playing music randomly through his car speakers, landed on “Tighter and Tighter” and he had to pull over because he was tearing up. 

“Fell On Black Days” is another song about depression and mortality. Cornell had the following to say about the song: “Fell on Black Days” was like this ongoing fear I’ve had for years ... It's a feeling that everyone gets. You're happy with your life, everything’s going well, things are exciting—when all of a sudden you realize you’re unhappy in the extreme, to the point of being really, really scared. There's no particular event you can pin the feeling down to, it's just that you realize one day that everything in your life is fucked! 

Now, if that’s not a cogent and even-tempered explanation of suicidal thoughts, what is? Why else would Cornell have admitted to being “really really scared” by his depression unless he knew what that depression could ultimately leasd to? Here’s some lyrics to “Fell on Black Days.” Dig the high literary use of “whomsoever” and “whatsoever.” Whatsoever I’ve feared has come to life Whatsoever I fought off became my life Just when every day seemed to greet me with a smile sunspots have faded and now I’m doing time cuz I fell on black days

Whomsoever I’ve cured I’ve sickened now Whomsoever I’ve cradled...I put you down I’m a searchlight soul they say but I can’t see it in the night I’m only faking when I get it right I sure don’t mind a change but I fell on black days how would I know that this could be my fate?

Eagle-eared listeners might think this version different from the album version. They are right. The rendition in the video was recorded live off the floor @ Bad Animals, the Seattle studio owned by Heart, where Soundgarden would record Down on the Upside. 

“Boot Camp” is a scary meditation about loss of agency that for years was tied with Zeppelin’s “I'm Gonna Crawl” for Creepiest Song to Cap a Discography, until Soundgarden reunited and released King Animal.

“Taree” is about ghost light, influencing events after dying and features Cornell’s most exhausted, convincing “yeah” @ 2:57.

“Applebite” is a Matt Cameron-penned ponderous clunker about Adam’s original expulsion from Eden. Doomy and death-laden.

“Let Me Drown” is a song about letting someone die.

“The Day I Tried To Live” is frequently cited as Soundgarden’s finest achievement, its odd time signature somehow sounds straight, thanks to Matt Cameron’s brilliant time keeping.

“4th of July” is a song about a post apocalyptic urban landscape, where the speaker isn’t sure whether he is seeing fireworks or bombs. 

“Limo Wreck” is a cool death song and has an eerie 9-11 prediction. “Building the towers belongs to the sky/when the whole thing comes crashing down don’t ask me why.” 

ANY of the above songs would have been better than that fucking asinine dirge-like major key fuckaround that has somehow not just become Soundgarden's signature song...but their ONLY song. 

Does nobody remember Johnny Cash covering “Rusty Cage?” 

“Outshined?”

“Burden In My Hand?”

“Blow Up The Outside World?”

Did none of these other songs get stuck in the electric head? (The electric head is Rob Zombie’s term for the technologically advanced culture we have found ourselves enmeshed in, or imprisoned by. It was the subtitle for White Zombie’s 1995 hit album Astro-Creep 2000: Songs of Love, Destruction, and other Synthetic Delusions of the Electric Head.)

For my money (which ain’t much honey), the song that best fits both Cornell’s artistic integrity and the sad circumstances of his suicide is “Tighter and Tighter.” I once wrote a whole article on the way artists use “yeah” as a placeholder or as a way to convey emotion when words themselves aren’t adequate. Dig that tired, world-weary exhausted “yeah” at 5:35 of “Tighter & Tighter.”

Or the creepy line going into the first chorus: remember this...remember everything’s just black or burning sun. Not that I agree with such a bleak worldview. It’s a writer’s line. And Randy Bachman has said, “when you’re a writer, you’d step over your own mother.” That’s the Cornell I want to remember. Not that he would step over his own mother. By all accounts he was a committed family man. I mean, I want to remember the Cornell who created strange atmospheric sonic worlds, who explored the dark side that sadly, eventually won out. His otherworldly beautiful music is what I choose to remember about Chris Cornell, not his estate tastelessly exploiting “Black Hole Sun” by using a line from the song to title a posthumous Cornell album of covers No One Sings Like You Anymore. Sigh.

First Cornell’s widow said this was “Chris’s last album.” Okay. What about the Soundgarden songs he recorded vocals for before he died? Kim Thayil was pretty diplomatic about it when asked recently. Cornell did record vocal tracks for the follow up to King Animal.

Kim Thayil: “Given our love for Chris, I do not see us reconfiguring without him.”

But he makes it clear in this interview that Cornell’s widow Vicky has those tracks and won’t release them to the band. Maybe because she blames the band for Chris dying that night? She’s not wrong to believe that they would have known, and seen, what kind of shape Cornell was in, at least at the venue, maybe not later at the hotel.

Kim Thayil: “It’s entirely possible that a new Soundgarden album will be released. Certainly. All it would need is to take the audio files that are available. I tighten up the guitars. Ben does the bass. We get the producers we want to make it sound like a Soundgarden record.”

Interviewer: “Is there an obstacle stopping that?”

Kim Thayil: “There shouldn’t be. There really isn’t. Other than the fact that we don’t have those files.”

Interviewer: “They’re not under your auspices?”

Kim Thayil: “Right. It would be ridiculous if [the record wasn’t made]. But these are difficult things. Partnerships and...property.”

You’re just gonna keep those wav files? And why title his covers album Volume 1 if it’s his “last album?”

Oh right. $$$

No one does sing like Cornell, but is “Black Hole Sun” really the best thing he ever did? The best song he ever sang? Should an album of covers be the last thing he gives to the world?

The only honest answer is no.

Sleep tight Chris. You’re gone.

[faithsummers11]

Love never dies❤

A/N:- Hey!!! Guess what it's my birthday but that's not important what's important is that its harry's birthday. Well it's a different story that it's on the same day. So what im going to do is post a lots and lots of harry i have like 3 already in my drafts, so stay tuned.

Well someone requested me to write a oneshot about harry where "he's your friend for long time but then he finally deside to break the boundaries and make you his" but apparently i have written somewere similar to this plot oneshot about Niall so i decided to mix it up with another request well it's not a request something my sis wants me to write "where you are celebrity friends turned patners with some jelous harry and a bit of celeb drama"

Both of them are anyway cheesy but i thought I'll give it a go, so this is what i came up with i hope you guys like it. Sorry tht it's quite long. And Again english is not my first language so pardon me for any mistakes.

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"Umm.. I just wanted to ask like.. Umm... only if you're ok with it... will you be my like.. girlfriend" he asked with a bit nervousness "I think we should start it off with a friendship before getting into a relationship " i said politely denying his offer and forwarding a hand of friendship which he gladly shook. That event to today's day is something I'm utterly proud of and most regreted moment of my entire life

Oh how much i love him only if i could tell him this is the exact reason i regret rejecting him back then, it's not like i didn't like him back then, i did but we were kids he was 16 i was 15, if we would have got into a relationship back than then we would have ended even before we started, moreover i was just starting my career and so was he, i didn't wanted to go out of focus. But now that I've my roots in this industry and been so close to him that i even know his deepest darkest secreats, seen him in his most vulnerable state i have found myself fallen for him so hard that it was getting impossible to get up. But he probably was over that thing and was happy with the friendship we had, and had a lot of not-so-long relationship, not to mention he was now The Harry Styles who had millions of girls dieing for him.

"Mam the car is ready " my driver told me taking me out of my own world. I quickly grabbed my clutch and headed towards the car, i was going to this party which was held to celebrate all the sucessful music and movies of the year and i had been invited to, it was all celeb part so everyone was coming and being one of renowned name in both music and movie industry i was hell bent instructed to go, i quickly slipped into the car, and the driver started heading towards the destination.

As i was looking out of the window all the memories come back to me. It all started at the x-factor i was a selected to perfom as a celebrity performer with the boys, taking i only had one album out and was just starting my career i wasn't supposed to be there but considering that i worked for Simon's lable got me as a celebrity performer, i spend 4 days with the boys we got along so well, we also wrote copule of songs and performed a very orignal track on the show, which everyone tend to fall in love with. Especially Simon

After the performance was when harry proposed me and i said a no but fate had something saved for me since I worked with Simon's lable, Simon liking the song which me and the boys came up with, got me hooked with the boys. "I really like the chemistry " was what simon said and there after i was like the 6th member of the band. We went on tours together we shared arenas first day they performed 2 days later i performed in the same arena, we literally shared same crew same management and same hotel.

We travelled together, sneaked out of places together, pranked and drinked together, every thing i did they were with me, every thing they did i was with them this whole thing got us all together i became so close to the boys, zayn was like a brother to me, Louis was the patner in crime, liam was the gym buddy, niall and harry were the idiot friends, but out of all of them harry has always been the closest. Our friendship was something everyone idolized all the directioners love all the vedios i posted of all the nonsense we did, they also like it and considered me a part of them. Did i ever mentioned this made me one of the songwriters on a copule lot of their songs.

But this was only till their 4th album 'Four' was set to release and my tour for my 4th album was about to get over, that i decided to leave Simon's record lable, i was working on my 5th album and due to my work in a movie i was getting a lot more movies offer, but Simon wanted me to forget about acting, which triggered . Me truely speaking the management was already bitchy about every thing and controlled every thing we did and when simon added that i made a final decision and then realeased my 5th album under Capitol records. Well even after that i was friends with them we still used to do get together & meet ups when everthing started going wrong zayn left the band and they didn't actually talked after that but he was still a friend of mine he even introduced me to his now girlfriend Gigi and the boys went on break and all went solo well that was their decision and that never changed anything I've always been there for them if they needme, me and harry are still the closest I still run up to him even at 3 in the morning if he needs me. Only niall is been really flirty nowadays.

"We're here " my driver announced snapping me out of my flashback, i quickly had a look at the mirror and prepared myself for the flashing cameras.

The moment i stepped out all the cameras flashed i heard my name been called from different directions. Even if it was a party it had some kind of red carpet. I possed for the cameras for some time and moved forward where a lot of people were interviewed, i was making my way when a interviewer caught me he asked me about my upcoming movie and about my tour for the current album but then what he asked was something i wasn't prepared for. "So y/n what do you think about harry styles and (anyone you want)'s breakup? "

"Oh umm.. I don't know.. I mean what can i say .... there decision i say.... Ya. Umm i don't know"

"You are his closest friend as he say, so do you think you will now have a chance with him, cause trust me no this a lot of people out there ship you two, do you like him?"

This question by the interviewer got me, i cannot help the blush that creeped on to my cheeks it took all in me to not to scream in his face about how happy i was with the breakup and how much i loved him "umm.. Well we are just friends " was all i said before leaving.

I was glad i was inside, i quickly grabbed a drink and found a group of friends who i got into a conversation with. I was in a conversation when i heard someone call my name, i turned to see it was niall standing in a corner with harry, ed And ed's girlfriend. I excused myself and went over to them i greated every one with smile and hugs, being in this industry for 8-9 years now i was friend with everyone i knew, ed being close one again because of harry, he was close to harry and so to me.

"Hey mate how you doing ". i asked niall getting out of his warm hug.

"Nothing much, just the album and stuff, btw what about you heard you got paired with Rayan Gosling for your upcoming movie, you must be dying happy isn't he your celebrity crush" Niall said all exited

"Yep he is, you know when i came to know about he being my patner, i truely lost my shit i was jumping around my entire house like a crazy maniac " everyone busted out laughing on how exited i was, ofcourse it was like a dream come true for me.

"Looks like you've been stalking her niall " harry kinda snapped

"Umm.. No mate it's all over the internet i was just happy for her and a..." Niall said but was cut by harry "Dosen't matter mate it's ok don't bother me about it, she has already worked with some legends in the industry that dosen't change her winny self, stop thinking of yourself like god y/n" harry said more like dissed me i was expecting a congrats but he was acting a bit bitchy towards me lately ever since the last meet at award show some days ago. He didn't picked up my calls or spoke to me without throwing shade at me, and he being rude hurted me to hell, cause it was the last thing i wanted i loved him beyond belief i couldn't have afforded the loss of our friendship at any cost.

Ed probably senced that he being the only one who knows my feelings for him, spoke " wohh mate easy there you being rude now, you two share the best friendship i know so plzz now" "Whatever " harry said rolling his eyes. I was literally holding back tears at this point.

Just than Charlie puth came up "Hey Y/N, here you are, hey guys i hope you are doing fine, sorry to disturb you but can i just borrow your friend for a minute just need to talk some business" charlie said excusing both of us. I was so thankful to him about it cause if i would have stayed there a minute more i would've bursted into tears.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harry's p.o.v:-

She left with Charlie with sad and teary eyes, not as her cheerful self, not as she arrived i knew i made her sad, and i hate myself for doing that, i can't belive i was doing that to her, she has been by my side whenever i needed her, without any ulterior motives she never did that because she wanted to sleep with me or for my fame, she was more famous than me at the end.

I don't know what I'm doing but if I've to get over her this is the only way, she has me crazy about her but don't seem to wanna be mine. She has this effect on me ever since we first met, i love her since then, and my love for her dosen't seem to fade away even after all the years infact i found myself falling for her even more. All my attempts to get over her failed all those girls and relationship i had to get her out of my head all failed nothing ever worked, my last girlfriend i don't even wanna talk about it i litraliterally fucked her to y/n's thaught screaming y/n's name, i never spoke to her after that, but she seemed to have spilled the beans with her friends cause i remember y/n telling me about how all my ex girlfriends were acting bitchy with her, even if some of them were her good friends. She didn't saw the pattern there but i did.

This all was not my fault that i can't get over her, it was all her, she first said a no to me but became so close to me that i literally didn't felt no need of a gurd around her, she was the one who sneeked me out for some fun or ice-cream when i felt down or home sick, stayed up all night and look after me when i was not well, always been there whenever i needed someone to hold me at the depths of my despair, she was the one who soothed me when i felt down with all the hate comments. She was the one who made me feel worthy when i felt worthless, she was the one to run to me just on a phone call even 3 in the am not to share a bed with me but sit by my side and listen to all my nonsence, she was always one call away, but never let me call her mine or should i say i never got the guts to propose he again after that.

Well that's what niall said, i remember the award show we attended some days ago Niall was flirting with her the whole time, which got my blood boil so after the show i cornered him wanting an answer

"What the fuck are you doing niall!??"

"What mate what's wrong??"

"Why were you flirting with y/n the whole time??, your eyes never left her " I bit yelled at his face.

"Whohh mate chill down there i was just trying, ya know i kinda like her and ya see she is single im trying mate "

"Stop then! Stop trying your luck ok you ain't getting her keep your distance from he.." i was cut off

" Or what will you do, see mate i know you have feelings for her but, mate i have waited for you to make a move long enough now, you ain't doing anything, i mean.. Have you seen y/n she is one of the biggest names in the industry, beautiful like no other, purest soul with heart of gold and hot as hell, hotness drips down every inch of her body, c'mon mate every man wants her. And I'm no different, if you don't have the guts to confess your love to the closest person to you not my fault mate, being your friend I'll suggest you mave a move before someone else get her or just forget her"

Niall left me with no word he was right, i couldn't even count how many men have showed intrest in her, I just wanted to go tell her but then all the bond we had i feared losing it, feared losing our friendship, but still i don't know why but i decided to go the other way and try to forget her. Thus, ending up being everything she disslike, been all shady and bitchy, cocky little shit.

I was all in my thoughts when Niall nudged me "looks like Charlie is getting what you think is yours" he said making me look in the direction where y/n and Charlie were standing. There she was giggling and laughing her famous laugh something i died for, Charlie was saying something to her wispering in her ear being all touchy and shit, even she was laughing on with him her hand constantly on his chest or on his shoulder, sometimes going in his hairs. That seemed nothing like any business talk.

I know he was into her, how? Well Liam told me, when Liam worked with him he told me how obsessed charlie was with y/n and how he requested liam to set his meeting with her, no wonder he fancied her collaboration was just a cleaver means, for him to get to know her and by the picture i was getting he was pretty much succeeding.

I was satring at them with bloodshot eyes. My anger has taken over me now, i didn't know what i was saying or doing anymore. I didn't know when i just raged towards them.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/N's :- P.o.v

I was talking to Charlie, we were talking about the upcoming song that we were working on, well i know it was not just about the song I'm not a fool to not understand that he fancied me, and was trying his best to impress me, little did he know i already had my Heart for someone else, that's one of the biggest disadvantage of being single, everyone who likes you tries to hit on you, not even trying to understand once why you are single.

I have to admit that Charlie is one funny person to be around, we were just talking and he was telling some funny ass stories from his tour days, which had me laughing to death, just when i felt eyes on me and when i turned to look in the direction i saw harry's bloodshot eyes boring into me and charlie.

In my complet time of knowing harry i haven't seen this kind of rage in his eyes a mixture of anger and frustration with something which i wasn't able to put my fingure on. I turned to look at Charlie and continued talking, just a moment later i felt a hand on my shoulder it was harry, he lightly squeezed my shoulder, looking straight into my eyes, i was not able to understand what was on his mind, he looked at me and then looked at Charlie shooting him a glare.

"I hope you're done with your business talk, i want to talk to you y/n" harry said pressing the word 'business'.

"Yes harold say what you wanna talk about"

"It's abit personal, can you plzz come with me for a minu.." harry was cut off by Charlie

"Sorry mate but we aren't finished talking yet can you just wait for some time"

"Nope, y/n it's important, you are coming with me now " harry said with stern voice.

"Hey mate! you don't own her so stop making your own decision " Charlie said adding fule to harry's anger

"You're coming with me or not?" harry asked me through gritted teeths. I wasn't able to understand what was going on, why was harry so angry, my brain was trying to figure out everything, and till i could respond harry yelled "Fine" and started leaving.

"Harry wait" i called as i put my glass down and started going behind him. His anger was over the top, his normal gentlemanly behaviour was thrown out of the window, he knocked and pushed everthing and everyone in the way, when i finally caught him.

" Harry wait, what's wrong talk to me "

"None of your business " he said starting to walk away again, but i hold on to his arm and made him to stop.

"Tell me, what's bugging you, i can help"

"You cannot, just let me go "

" No way in hell are you leaving without telling me what's upp "

"Why.." Harry started his voice was raised but he quickly stopped looking around and realising we were still in the party. He grabbed a strong hold of my hand and dragged me out of the party, he was still angry i don't know why but he was, his grip on my hand was tightening not bothering of leaving marks he was dragging me from different hallways full of people, Not giving a shit about me tripping on my own legs or people watching us, till we reached the parking lot.

He opened his rover's door for me and commnded "Get in" his voice stern and angry.

"Harry for god sake are you going to tell, what's this all about, where are you taking me??"

"I SAID FUCKING GET IN" harry yelled right in my face, this scared me i know harry will never hurt me not intently, i got in the car and harry came in the drivers seat and started driving

I put my hand on his lap and started "Harry.. "

"SHUT UPP" he yelled again, slapping away my hand from his lap. I was literally on the verge of crying, his rude behaviour was killing me, but i knew not to bother him taking his yelling and rudeness in his behaviour. I kept my mouth shut for the entire ride, looking out of the window trying to figure out what i did wrong.

I was just starting out of the window remembering all the good old memories that i had with harry not even realising the tears that slipped my eyes. I wiped the tears when the car came to an halt. I realized it was harry's place. I wanted to ask him why he has brought me here, but before i can ask him any thing he was out opening my door and pulling me out and dragging me into his house and litraliterally throwing me on the floor this got anger bubble up in me, he was crossing his limits, he got me angry all pooling in my eyes.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU" harry yelled his anger out, not bothering picking me up. I quickly got up, collecting myself and yelling on top of my lungs

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??, WHY ARE YOU ACTING RUDE AND SHADY?? WHAT DID I DO?"

Harry burst a sarcastic haugh "What did you do? Stop acting innocent, you know what I'm talking about"

"Oh for fuck sake harry, keep it clear what did i do?"

"Whay are you being all slut, being all over Niall and that Charlie guy, why don't you FUCK THEM ALREADY ".

His words had venom in them i was shocked, my eyes wide in amazement.

"Why would i do that, they are just friends, and even if i do it's none of you business " i chocked the word out.

"Ohh plzz it's all my businesses, you cannot be friends with them, or go all the way flirt..."

"And do what harry, they are the only people good to me nowadays, you been shady to me, you are my best friend but you ain't even talking to me, and don't even get to me on what you said to you ex'es because even my best friends are being bitchy with me, so plzz.."

" I didn't did anything, its you all you", he said tears forming in his eyes his voice lowering . " Everthing is wrong, it's all my mistake, all because of you " harry said breaking down, his voice cracking. Fuck how rude he was, but seeing him break, ached my heart.

I went close to him took his hands in mine and calmy asked "what's it harry tell me, I'm here for you, I'll always be" he looked deep into my eyes the rage was back, my heartbeat increased, my stomach did flips, the next thing i remember he had me pinned to the nearest wall, hands above my head, his body pressed to mine, i was breathing his breath, his lips hovering over mine, my heart was beating out of my chest, harry has never been this close to me, sure we have cuddled and hugged but never been this close physically.

"I don't know but you are the only thing i want y/n , i don't know why i was shady, just cannot take you with anyone else, i can't do this anymore i want you to be mine only mine, i can't be in all the friendzone shit when all i want to do is fuck you mindlessly, go on dates with you, do all the cheesy copule shit with you, hold your hand in front of everyone and scream on top of my lungs how much i love you, i re..."

I cut him by kissing him, when our lips met all this frustration and tension was released, which both of us were holding, now i understand the emotion in his eyes it was jealousy. I was over the moon to know he felt for me the same way i did for him.

He broke the kiss and looked stright into my eyes, "So should i take that you love me the same way as i do " harry said with sparkling eyes, "ofcorse you idiot i love you too, what took you so long" harry kissed me again his lips gental yet hungry, he licked my bottom lip for entrance, i ggladly opend my lips for him to deepen the kiss,.

Soon the way to his bedroom was marked with our expensive cloths, my body was pressed under him, his naked chest pressed to mine, his hands massaged my breasts, he pinched my nipple and i yelped into his mouth, he chuckled, and trailed kisses down till he reached my breast and took my nipple in his mouth, sucking on it "you have no idea how long I've waited for this" harry said switch to my other breast, "well that goes both wayssss.." i half gaspd when his hand reached my clit and started playing with my folds "so, wet for me already aren't you?" harry said inserting his long digits into me, he started pumping in and out as he increased his pace i was a moaning mess under him, just as i thought i was close to my release he removed his hand, i wimphered at the loss, A long moan left my mouth when he sucked on his digit.

I felt him line up at my entrance "wait you don't want me to suck you off first" i asked taking him in my hand. He laid me down back pressing his tip at my entrance "we'll have a lot of time for that but now, if i don't fuck your brains out, i would probably burst " with that he pushed all the way into me, he was bigger than my imaginations, it took me some time to adjust to his size, but once igave him the green signal he went all the way from slow and steady to pounding into me relentlessly, hard and fast, he was diving me crazy. Long moans and skin slapping on skin were the only voices to be heard in the room.

I felt my orgasm fast uproching, the knot in my stomach tightned and my walls clenched around him, "let it go baby girl" harry wispered in my ear before kissing me, that was all i needed to let go. My body felt light, the plesure taking over me, my breathing heavy, when i felt twitch inside me, his pace wasn't slowing, i thrusted my hips upwards to meet his, so he can go deeper, soon i felt him spill inside me and he crashed on top of me. Heavy breaths slowing down as we were coming down from our highs.

After a minute or so harry pulled out, i wimphered at the loss, he went in the bathroom and came with a damp cloth and cleaned me. After he was done he plopped beside me and i snuggled into his chest

"You know what y/n"

"What??"

"I might know why my ex'es are being bitchy with you"

"You know??, why are they doing that?? Tell me"

"This is embarrassing, but you know i my last girlfriend.. " harry said turning to look at me

"Yep, what abot her?.."

"Umm.. I kinda fucked her.. Screaming your name"

I sat up shocked not believing my ears "No fucking way, tell me you are lying " i half chuckled and half shocked.

"Well that's true, and she seemed to have spilled the beans, and Thats why they are acting wieard with you"I laughed out loud "oh my god harry, you had so many girlfriends how am i going to deal with this " i said snuggling back into him "you really love me that much" "i love you beyond belief y/n i love you so ao much " Harry said before doseing off into deep sleep. It's truely said that love never dies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I Hope you guys like it if you like it let me know Also give me some ideas for writing harry imagines for his birthday week, smut or not dosent matter, I'll definitely write it, drop them in the ask box.

Also go check my previous writtings,links here 1.Best punishment ever. 2. Dream come true 3. Get away pt1, pt2, pt3. 4. Roommates pt1, pt2. 5. Friends!! ain't we?.

[channiekyun]

chick or chic?//cube ent./pd101//seonho

pairing: yoo seonho/reader genres: fluff, bullet list word count: 1870 summary: “he always stayed by you because of your smile, but what happens when the reason you lose your smile is him?” a/n: i think this is the longest thing i’ve ever posted but, dear by lord i love this boy. pls support him and his debut!!

baby chick debuting with a mini album?

an hour to write before I fall asleep?

bring it on.

ok,

you and yoo seonho have been friends since you were like 6 bc your moms both dropped you off at the same daycare center

how convenient right

but you haven’t met seonho ‘till a while so bear with me here

I like me some backstory to the story

you’ve been coming to the daycare center for 4 months

you were so-so at making friends, kinda shy, but most of the times energetic

like literal spikes of energy could be seen coming out of your back lmao

sometimes you’d be called out on it by some of the kids or supervisors but like

u didn’t care 

anyway, you’ve pretty much gotten your name thrown everywhere in the daycare center 

and you were just playing with blocks and crashing toy cars into them (that’s what kids do right?)

then suddenly some of or supervisors start coming to you with a cake with lit up candles

“happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear (Y/N), happy birthday to you!”

and your 6 yr old brain was all like-huh?

but then they told you to make a wish and you blew out the candles

and you know how things done can’t come undone?

well, there’s your explanation for that being done

and then everyone just started cheering

plus the supervisors were all like: “I can’t believe your already 6, (Y/N)! you’ve grown so much!!~”

but again you’re just like: “im already 6??!??”

but your 6 yr old self just thinks that this atonement for not celebrating your birthday before you even went to the center

keep in mind you’ve only been there for 4 months so

ppl kept crowding you and the adults just starting distributing the cake

and this boy that you’ve never ever seen before sits next to you 

and he just whispers into your ear “it’s my birthday too.”

“oh really? it’s not even my birthday today anyway!” you giggle

and this boy’s like huh

but seonho doesn’t do anything

nuh uh

he likes it when you laugh and smile

so you share your big slice of cake with him and play with him the entire day

you guys got picked up at the same time so your moms were just waiting by the door and you were saying bye and your moms were like “isn’t that just cute aww”

then suddenly one of the supervisors came and started bowing

“I’m sorry Mrs. Yoo and Mrs. (L/N), we switched up (Y/N)’s and Seonho’s birthdays so we ended up celebrating (Y/N)’s birthday today!”

and your moms were just like “that’s fine” but Seonho just looked a tad bit disappointed

and an unhappy Seonho makes an unhappy you so

you started crying, legit out of nowhere bc you felt so bad for him

plus you started screaming stuff like “it’s all my fault” and yea

and the adults try calming you down, but no, that didn’t work

but then seonho comes up and hugs you

and you surely calmed down while you held to his shirt

you felt reassured

and the grown-ups found this amusing

like you only met today but who knew?

next morning you brought a huge cake+a gift for seonho to make it up to him (ofc with your mum’s consent though)

you tell him to open his present and he did

what laid inside was a chick stuffie

it wasn’t big or anything, just average

and seonho’s grateful and all but he asks why you gave him that

“because you remind me of one?” you laugh

he likes to think that that laugh was also a present for him

and you play with him for the rest of the day

fast forward, your moms became acquainted then soon began to hang out with each other

which made you happy bc you got to see seonho more

when you guys were still at the daycare center you would bring him food

like juice boxes

but then like juice boxes turned to chocolate bars and then that turned into muffins

fast forward a little bit more to where you were now, both of you 14 and in high school, and you were still close af

oh and muffins turned to legit rice lunches bc he never had enough to eat lol

and you called him out on it a lot and he would either act offended or not care at all 

that’s where he got his love for food from~

there were a couple loose strings here and there but that happens

you shared secrets, shared friends, shared test answers

you even got close to his brother and he got close to your sibling(s)

but everyone knows there’s gotta be a secret here and there somewhere

but you made several plots at 2AM to get to the bottom of whatever he seemed to hide even though it may not be your business

you were each other’s businesses anyway, right?

anyway

seonho had a dream of becoming famous

you admired him for that

and the school was going to be hosting an event where he would be starring in

and you were proud and almost started shedding a few tears

you: *sniff* so proud~~

him: not again (Y/N)

when the day of the show came on, he acted like a stuck up celeb 

and you weren’t sure whether this was all just an act, or if it was just him but you weren’t gonna have this

you pulled him out of the corridor and slapped him just for him to get his sense back+you also gave him his rice box so

during the talent show when seonho was performing with the piano and singing you were videotaping him while standing up 

you: “yeS, WORK IT SEONHO. gUYS THATS MY BEST FRiEND” (a total regina goerge’s mom moment here guys)

you were that extra lmao that seonho was mixed abt what you did but he felt so happy so you just cuddled (non-romantically) at his house after the show

next morning, you were waiting for seonho out of his house so you could walk to school together

but oh

he JUST HAD TO WALK OUT OF THE HOUSE WITH A LEATHER JAckET INSTEAD OF HIS REGULAR OL’ CARDIGAN HUh ASDFGHJKL

((i tried to look up seonho in a leather jacket and there were no images, pls someone get him into one i will die omfg lord))

and you just walked like you usually do, but this time in silence and no hitting or kicking

was he acting cold again?

he wasn’t talking at all

and even ppl started to stare

you just kind of avoided him for the whole day

it’s the type of thing that would get on celeb headlines: ‘(Y/N) Splits From a Cold Seonho?!?’

you were walking down the hall just mindlessly, wondering what to do with that extra rice lunch you had in your bag

but then you hear a couple girls whispering in a corner:

“oh my god, did you see seonho at the show last night? he has so much talent”

“but like did you see him today? he’s wearing a leather jacket and acting all cold today haha”

“he even drove (Y/N) away today, and they’ve been friends since they got here”

“that’s pretty chic though to be honest lol”

and there were murmurs of agreement to the last girls statement

and once you got outside you started laugh

cuz they just started calling seonho “chic”

you never thought that you would’ve ever lived to the day where someone would call that tall, clumsy, cutesy boy something along the lines of “chic”

but you felt a pang of jealousy when the girl’s started talking about him

yes, you were aware of your own feeling, you weren’t stupid like that

you went to his house, said hello to his mom, and went to his room

you didn’t want to mess around with anything but there was one thing couldn’t keep your eyes off

that chick plush you gave him when you were 6

it was sitting on his bed

you picked it up and admired it but quickly set it down

on the high bookcase shelf there was another chick plush

so you reached for it and looked at it in your hands

it was the exact same one but with a bow? which makes you confused

“what are you doing?” you hear behind you

oh shit

“um-really nothing” you turned around to seonho still in his leather jacket

“uh, then (Y/N), why are you holding that?”

you dropped the plush on the ground

“holding what?”

seonho just looked at the floor, not responding

and naturally..

you took the opportunity to slap him

“why were you acting like that the entire day? why with the jacket, dude??”

and he looked up at you with honest eyes and quietly said “for you”

that’s when your entire world started crashing down

“..for...me.?”

“i thought that if i acted cool you’d like me better, I guess that didn’t work though..” his eyes still tracing an outline of the floor

“you acted cool, just so i would notice you more?”

“i guess.”

and naturally...

you took that opportunity to kiss him

and his eyes grew wide and he just hugs you like you usually would and it was all just so damn perfect

you pulled away and was all like “seonho, honey, I love you but can we get you into that cardigan instead of this stupid jacket”

and he just jeered at you with “I love you too (Y/N) dearie”

that’s how you went from making out with seonho in a leather jacket to cuddling on his bed with seonho in his oversized white cardigan (which was fckn adorable btw)

man, you would love having a relationship with seonho, anyone would tbh

you even spoon fed him the rice lunch you had packed in your bag

his mom would call your mom to tell you what the hell was happening at her house

you and seonho’s mom fangirling over your relationship with each other

at the next show, you and seonho had a duet with him playing the piano and you singing

he got you a matching leather jacket and you were like “ew no,” but after he saw your reaction he made puppy eyes and said “but couple’s outfits” and you just said “i’m sold, just for gags though, seonho”

a happy seonho

a beagle seonho

you match each other so perfectly bc if soulmates were real, and they are, you found your match

one time you were helping seonho catch up on homework in an empty classroom after school and you got curious

“hey, seonho, what was that chick plush doing on top of your bookcase. it looks similar to the one i gave you”

he blushed and shyly said, “i was going to give it to you for your birthday..”

and you just kiss him

and when you pull away you say: “I can’t believe they would call a baby chick chic..”

ps i realized how bad i was at summaries mianhae

[donghun-s]

the very large sp3arb tag

so @sp3arb has tagged me in a total four tags recently and i’m finally getting around to all of them!! tysm for all the tags, meri (btw i love your name?? i think its super cute!) and i hope you learn a bunch of unnecessary stuff abt me lmao (under the cut bc this is a long ass post)

i dont have a name for this tag

1ST RULE: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

im not tagging anyone bc im bad at things and most ppl i wanna know about, meri has already tagged so

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true.

APPEARANCE: - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo - I have at least one piercing - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY: - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know- I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing maths in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority  - I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES: - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol - I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

MY LIFE: - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling - I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS: - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily - I have had a crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM: - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie  - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages [i don’t speak two, i speak one and sign in another] - I have made a new friend in the past year

alphabet tag

Rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better

I was tagged by Roxanne ( is it ok if I call you Roxy? I like Roxy) Actually @lxx-fxlix  And for some reason it did not give me the notification you did, I was casually stalking your blog when I saw:

A: age? 16 (01 liner)

B: birthplace? North Carolina

C: current time? 7:53 pm

D: drink you had last? Arnold Palmer (half sweet tea, half lemonade)

E: easiest person to talk to? for me, it’s my irl best friend gwen and my best friend on here, krys

F: favorite song? oof i’m super indecisive so i’m just gonna commit to mayday by got7 (it always changes but mayday has stayed on my constantly rotating playlist for nearly six months now; most are on for six weeks, max)

G: grossest memory? uh probably when one of my swim lesson kids tried to eat a bug (they were like four) and i had to make them spit it out into my hands 

H: hogwarts house? proud slytherin!!

I: in love? i love a lot of people, but i’m not IN love

J: jealous of people? not anymore, my self-esteem has gotten so much better in past years

K: killed someone? uhm a couple of times in fics (*cough* jinjin in not like this *cough*)

L: love at first sight or should i walk by again? not love but pls walk by again bc i’m probably enjoying your aesthetics

M: middle name? christine

N: number of siblings? one, an older sister

O: one wish? to adopt a kid with no family or an unhealthy one (obvs when  older and financially stable)

P: person you called last? my sister called me yesterday morning, and before that i had called my friend to tell him abt a near death experience when i was driving

R: reasons to smile? something good will happen to you, you’ll meet someone wonderful, and there’s always new experiences to happen

S: song you sang last? poet by bastille (an underrated fave)

T: time you woke up? about 8 am

U: underwear color? light heathered grey

V: vacation destination? i’d love to go to greece someday! santorini would be my first choice, and then my great-grandparents old village near thessaloniki

W: worst habit? probs my dermatillia (picking at acne on my face until it bleeds, then picking at the scabs, leaving a bunch of scars that will never go away)

X: x-rays? i got one on my tailbone one time, two years after i sprained it bc my mom didn’t believe me

Y: your favorite food? uhhh most anything tbh; i quite like the honey butter chicken sandwich from pdq

Z: zodiac sign? libra

✨ Fun Facts Tag ✨

Rules for this are:

Have fun with it!  

Tag some of your mutuals

1) Favourite colours:

orange!! and after that, any kinds of pastel or muted darks

2) Favourite song at the moment:

lotto by exo has been on replay in my head, my car, and my earbuds

3) Last book you read:

the sun and her flowers by rupi kaur

4) Last TV show you watched:

i tried to watch part-time idol bc hyunbin from jbj was in it, but within the first 15 minutes they set up an unnecessary relationship so i had to nope out of there real hard; i then reverted back to rewatching white collar for the fifth time

5) Last movie you watched:

does john mulaney’s nerflix comedy special comeback kid count?? if not, probably nightmare before christmas way back around christmastime

6) If you have a pet whats their name?:

four dogs: pheonix, kino, midge, and bess; three horses: little man, gem, and andy (ironically i’m allergic to dogs and horses, and my dad keeps buying more)

7) If you have siblings how many?:

one, my older sister

8) Favourite thing to do on a weekend:

i love doing my swim lessons and seeing all my kids!! i haven’t been able to lately bc of the weather, 

9) Best tumblr friends:

i only talk to @cheesyramynry on a daily basis, but i have a lot of blogs that i consider friendly acquaintances or casual friends as well!!

10) Favourite thing about yourself:

i value my compassion and empathy above all else; i am very much the mom friend and love to be it

11) Favourite memory:

ah i have so many; i think rn i’m gonna go with this past christmas, bc it was my last one with my grandfather

12) 3 weird habits:

swallowing gum, taking all my pills in descending size order, i tend to mimic how a singer sounds when i sing along to the song (ex: if they have a british accent, i’ll subconsciously sing in a british accent; if they stress certain syllables in certain ways, i’ll do it too)

13) What would you call your style?:

comfortable (stretchy jeans, t-shirts, hoodies) and with a few signature Gay Things (jean jacket, flannels, oversized mens’ button ups, a couple gay/bi pride shirts)

14) Odd talent:

if i have lyrics in front of me to a song i’ve never heard before, i can predict the pattern of the tunes and rhythm and sing along the first time

15) Do you have a tumblr crush?:

literally all of aroha and all of the sk fandom (y’all are the loveliest fandoms i’ve ever been a part of)

the stray kids tag

Rules: answer the questions in a new post, and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better.

I’ve decided that in celebration of Stray Kids pre-debut album I needed to create a tag. The ultimate goal for The Stray Kids Tag is to learn about your Tumblr mutuals, and have fun answering the Stray Kids related questions!  Here we go:

1: When did you decide to join the Stray kids fandom?

i saw a thread of information abt the suspected nine members before they were officially announced and was like ‘yes i must stan them and love them with all of my heart.’ so uh,,,,, back in august or september??

2: What is your favorite episode of Stray Kids? uhm, i’m gonna expose myself rn and let y’all know that i’ve never actually seen a full episode of the show; as soon as i heard it was gonna be a survival show, i knew that i couldn’t watch it bc my heart was too weak and i was emotionally incapable of becoming too invested while watching it; but from clips, i quite like the episode with the 3:3:3 mission, and also the last episode when all nine were reunited and told they were going to debut together

3: Who would you say is your bias in Stray kids?

my initial one was chan, and they i got rlly confused, and then slowly came to realize that it was jeongin (anything else after that is a fucking mess)

4: Who would you say is your bias wrecker in Stray kids?

literally kill me all of them bias wreck me so hard bUT hyunjin, jisung, seungmin, and chan have been wrecking me so hard in particular lately

5: What line would you want to be apart of in Stray kids? uHHH not dance line bc swimmers have 0 coordination on land; i quite like singing even tho i’m not good at, so probably that, but i can also hit all of chan’s english rap parts in 3racha songs, and keep up with lafayette’s raps in hamilton, and a lot of the english rappers i like too so uh,,, sign me up for rap line too

6: What is the first song you heard of Stray kids? hellevator

7: What is the first song you heard of 3racha? i think it was either hoodie season or runner’s high

8: What is your favorite song on their pre-debut album?

young wings or school life or yayaya (or grr or 4419 or glow or hellevator)

9: What is a concept you’d like to see Stray Kids try in the future?

i love their current optimistic and slightly rebellious teenager concept rn bc its an Eternal Mood; but i always love myself a soft boyfriend concept 

10: if you could meet with the members of Stray kids for one day what would you say to them?

how proud of them i am, and how proud of themselves they should be; i would tell them about how they’re saying things that resonate deeply for their fans and i love that they’re talking abt real world problems; i would also make sure to tell them (chan and 3racha especially) to make sure to rest more, and eat well, and take care of themselves emotionally as well as physically; and finally i’d like to tell jeongin how wonderful he is and that he’s doing so much at such a young age (lmao he’s actually eight months older than me but that’s no the point) and to never lose his cute little smile

finally done!! meri, if you actually read all of this, uh thank you????? i hope you now know everything you wanted to know abt me, and probably more than you wanted to know

i’m bad at tagging people, so if you also made it this far and haven’t done some of these tags, choose one, or a couple, or all of them and do them yourself!! just say that i tagged you!!

[hwallsgrl-archive]

kconla ‘17

this is more or less a post for my own reference bc i tend to forget things rlly easily... and i really don’t want to forget this weekend!! sorry if this is unreadable.. like i said, it’s mainly for my own reference ghfjdksn

friday convention: pretty uneventful seeing as it’s only the first day... me n my friend lined up to try for the w1 hitouch but we were told to come back at 2pm. we had heize’s audience engagement to go to at that time, so we just ended up buying w1 banners and nametags anyways bc tbh.. we didn’t have a chance at winning LOL.. (i heard fansites bought all the merch tho? so at least we got our stuff before that madness). a lot of people were selling their heize passes, so the rest of our party bought them to go in and honestly.. it’s a loss for the people who sold them !! heize is one of the sweetest n down to earth people i’ve ever met/seen... someone in the hi-touch area got her an olaf backpack and she was so excited!! she also said she really liked the vibe of la and that more people showed up than she expected (which broke my heart HJKDS). she also describes herself as a “srapper/ringer” bc she says she likes both singing and rapping... im gna fast forward to the cosmic girls audience engagement which was.. life changing tbh.. they’re all so pretty and cute irl, but bona couldn’t make it for some reason :( yeonjung sang miracle + secret, dawon did eunseo’s “hing~”, and meiqi did luda’s “mollah-ah”. they were also asked who they wanted to switch bodies with and from what i can remember, dayoung wanted to switch bodies with dawon (bc in her words, dawon is “hot, tall, and sexy” HJFSHLJ), and luda wanted to switch bodies with seola (bc she’s really pretty.. and i agree!! all of them are!!!) cheng xiao is my bias but unfortunately she didn’t say much..... also every idol whose never been to la wants in n out but i don’t blame them, it’s good!! i didn’t have that great of a view either bc the people in front of me were already tall + they were against the barrier which adds another inch or so to their height.. but overall it was a cute n fun audience engagement!! we went home afterwards bc there was nothing else left to do..

saturday convention: we went early bc my friend had sf9′s audience engagement so while we waited for her to finish that, me n the rest of the party just went around the convention hall and got free stuff :’)) when she came back, we went to juncurryahn’s meet and greet. he’s rly nice and talented, but i don’t watch his videos so i didn’t know what was going on majority of the time... afterwards we were going to get food and i was going to line up for seventeen’s audience engagement, but on the way out i saw people already lining up outside? when i asked what was going on, a guard told me to wait in the indoor waiting area but when i went there, vixx’s audience engagement hadn’t gone in yet. i asked the woman scanning bracelets but she told me to go outside. when i told her the situation, she then said i could stay inside. thirty minutes later, more people came in and started complaining so she told us all to.. go back outside lmfao... when i headed back outside the guard said the waiting area was full, so i’d just have to sit around until they started letting people line up again... i did meet a few more carats in line tho so i guess? it’s fine.. i also got a mingyu fan from one of his fansites, like u! it was super hectic inside bc a lot of people were crowding me and i was getting anxious, but the carats i met in line were nice enough to check up on me every few minutes to make sure i was okay... and seeing seventeen..... made my heart stop.... i couldn’t get a good view bc 1) im short and 2) people brought posters and constantly held them up whenever their biases talked.. it was a good experience but the only thing that bothered me was people screaming whenever a member tried to talk... i’d hate to be biased but seeing dino in the same room as me was the most memorable.. like he actually glows irl and he’s so handsome and pictures don’t do him justice!!!!!!! also junhui? ethereal. he can’t exist like.. he’s too handsome. they then played a dice game where each number means they have to do a certain thing.. dino got freestyle dance (how fitting...), seungkwan and wonwoo got fav pop song (when we were young + see you again, respectively), jeonghan and joshua both got aegyo, dk got random dance (and he threw the dice inflatable into the crowd and.. mightve hit someone ? idk i only heard him apologizing!!), and mingyu got sexy dance (hgfjdkl it was funny bc he started off fine but got rlly awkward n shy). everyone and their mothers are hip hop team stans btw... after that i left to go find my friends at the mwave stage, where they were doing signed album giveaways. oh my girl was having a fansign at star square in thirty minutes and i happened to be near the barrier where they walked by... in the midst of waiting for oh my girl to come out, my friend’s number was called for an album and he got the night version of astro’s dream pt 01 signed by all members!! literally 3 minutes later oh my girl came out and??????? they’re so pretty i was FLOORED.. i could only get a good look at jiho’s face before a guard stepped in front of me tho.. but i did see all the other member’s side profiles and? i love girls. wow. once that was over, we went to go get food and line up for the concert when the friend who won the album said he didn’t listen to astro.. and he gave it to me....... i started crying

saturday concert: HJFKDSLHJFK IT WAS WILD TBH!! the pre show was really good w/ juncurryahn playing crush’s beautiful on the violin and dancing to not today.. then it was krnfx and he beatboxed a few songs.. also lydia paek joined him for bs&t which was cool!! the first mc’s for the night were scoups, joshua, and vernon and i kind of.. lost my shit HJKDSLHJFK.... i don’t rmr the exact order but i do know that sf9 was the first act and they performed fanfare, jungle game, and easy love. also when they did the whole robot acrobatics thing in jungle game? my face was like :O the whole time!!!! chani looked like a cute lil pumpkin and zuho... is spicy... after that was cosmic girls and I LOVE!!!! THOSE SPACE ANGELS!!!! SOO MUCH!!!!! they performed happy, i wish, and secret (though i really wanted them to perform miracle...) i’m not a big fan of girl’s day but they’re sooo beautiful and they performed i’ll be yours, something. and ring my bell.. i knew nothing about suju d&e but they did 3 songs! the only song i can recall the name of is oppa oppa, which is really catchy... vixx’s act was really good!! they performed shangri-la, black out, and fantasy, but i was thinking about haknyeon and ravi’s lil head twirl part the whole time ghjdfkl.... vixx had a thing called ‘pinata time’ and got photo session, and they made cute poses around the stage so fans could take pictures of them. seventeen was the last act and ................ it was life changing, truly... they performed don’t wanna cry and I STARTED CRYING BC I LOVE THOSE BOYS SO MUCH AND WORDS CAN’T DESCRIBE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO ME AND HOW MUCH THEY’VE DONE FOR ME.... they had a pinata time and got everyone in the venue to dance to mansae which made me tear up again... they shot signed tshirts into the crowd in reserved seating!! mingyu + jun + woozi had to share a gun and after they shot one shirt, mingyu was trying to put the other shirt in and almost broke the gun HJFKLHJSDK... jun was interacting w/ the crowd all while woozi n mingyu were trying to figure it out.. like he was just shrugging and being his cute bubbly self.. eventually a staffer had to come up and help them lmao.. they also performed boom boom and aju nice which put me in the happiest mood!! i wanted them to perform pretty u which is like.. my fav song.. but i would have started UGLY CRYING so i’m glad they didn’t... somewhere in between cosmic girls invented the song i need u and sf9 covered sorry sorry... both groups danced together for the last chorus or so for sorry sorry..... also all of svt’s units performed a song! performance team did swimming fool, vocal did habit, and hip hop did check in. but saturday’s concert was amazing and seventeen.. really did change my life..... i also hope hoshi is feeling better !!!

sunday convention: got lost on the freeway and we all started freaking out bc we thought we’d miss wanna one at the innisfree booth. fortunately we made it in time, but the booth was already packed and there were people pushing and shoving. the security was really rude and told people near the back “if you cant see anything you’re wasting your time, what are you doing with your lives??” though i get he was doing his jobs.. there’s better ways to just tell us to back up lmao... i also i stood next to a baejin fansite (cheese bae) and they gave me a banner! my friend and i got claustrophobic and left, but i’m glad i did bc the people in front of me were a good 7 inches taller than me and when wanna one showed, the pushing got so bad that kcon threatened to end the session. the rest of the party stayed and said that they were only there for 5 minutes and that they looked visibly upset (understandable bc of the whole airport incident. i don’t blame them if they hate la lmao). they did get a blurry video of baejin and daniel tho so.. they airdropped that to me. we did pretty much everything the convention hall had to offer and no workshops/panels really interested us so we just hung around the toyota booth for astro... there i got a sanha fan from a fansite, but their name isn’t on the fan so i can’t find them :(... kard was said to make an appearance at the state farm booth right next to the toyota one, so it got crowded and my friend and i left. we just sat in the entrance hall near an outlet until astro came out, and we stood near the elevator so we could see them walk out... sanha is unbelievably tall. like.... what’s he so tall for. why. also while waiting i got a taeyong banner from leetaeyongbar! we then decided to go back inside to hopefully see wanna one at star square, so we went to the area where we stood for oh my girl. luckily not a lot of people cared to stand in the back so we got right up by the barrier. i also talked to a wannable and she was rlly sweet!! i mentioned getting anxious abt crowds of people against me and she also made sure i was okay, which is nice.. also a fansite stood behind me and i told her that if i was in the way, she could just let me know.. i dont know which fansite she is but she was nice n was thankful!!! wanna one came out and i only got a good look at guanlin (who is tall, but not sanha tall) before staff stood in front of me.. after they walked by a bunch of people left so i got closer and waited for them to come out... i’m glad i stayed bc i actually saw them walk out... and jisung!!!!!!!! waved!!!!!! in our direction!!!!!!!!!!!! my heart almost burst out of my chest bc he’s so handsome irl and he’s so cute and he looked really happy... after that we left to line up for the concert

sunday concert: sunday’s crowd was a lot bigger than saturday’s, and i’m pretty sure everyone there was a got7 stan... while in line i saw papa tuan (mainly bc he was dressed as their lightstick, which was cute)!!! inside the venue, the girl sitting next to me as also an aroha so we talked abt astro while we waited for the concert to start!! the preshow was a band called iamnot (correct me if i’m wrong, i couldn’t read their logo ghjfdk) and they were really good.. i liked their act a lot!!! the night’s hosts were mark and jackson, and they did a good job hyping up the crowd (tho everyone in there was a got7 stan so.. who wouldn’t be hyped lol). when they were calling up all the artists, heize brought the olaf backpack on with her and my heart!!!!! exploded w love for my mother!!!!!! once again i don’t remember the exact order, but i do know that the first act was kard, who performed don’t recall, hola hola, and oh nana. we also sang happy birthday to somin who teared up :’)). also j.seph is super cute n shy........ heize performed don’t know you. after a small ment, a sign asked us to turn on our phone flashlights... the music for star started and heize started to cry bc of all of the lights hjgfdklhg :( she only performed two songs... oh my girl performed coloring book and closer, and yooa is sosososo pretty!!! arin is super cute too!!! also binnie doesn’t have bangs anymore and my heart almost stopped!!! my robong DIED during coloring book bc me, being the fool i am, reused batteries from my carat bong... the aroha next to me gave me her spare batteries which was so nice of her... but then her robong died during closer so i gave back the batteries bc i knew astro as her ult, n she needed those batteries more than me LOL.. when wanna one performed, the girl saw me with my banner and she asked to record for me and i’m so grateful!!! they performed energetic and burn it up, and i think me and my friend got on the screen for like 2 seconds HJKDLSHJGKL... astro did a collab with kim taewoo and they did so well!! the dance was super energetic but their voices still sounded so good!!! kim taewoo then performed and his voice was really nice.. i can’t recall the song names but i believe his last song was love rain? astro performed should’ve held on, breathless (with a transition into polaris), and baby!! sanha was soo cute during the ment :(( they also had a pinata time and made tshirts to throw to those in the pit. they also had tshirt guns and shot those to the reserved seats... also i recorded the performance for the aroha next to me in exchange for the w1 videos... nct’s stage was.. so hype.... they performed firetruck, limitless, and cherry bomb!! some of the mics weren’t working during the ment so mark leaned over to let taeil use his in-ear mic and everyone in the venue went wild... also sicheng’s self intro was “my name is winwin!!! today.. we winwin!!!!!!!!” HJFKSLHJSF HE’S SO CUTE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I’LL FOREVER BE SICHENGSGIRL NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I CHANGE MY URL.... once again, the aroha next to me recorded nct for me and i later recorded got7 for her.. jj project performed, and they did never ever, hard carry, and?? correct me if i’m wrong but confession song?? idk.. they had a pinata time as well and a lucky fan got proposed to by three members, who i think were bambam, jaebum, and jackson. somewhere in between, wanna one came out again in navy colored school uniforms and perfomed never and nayana.. and i teared up during the latter... after the concert was over, me n the aroha airdropped each other the videos... i never got her name but she was super sweet and im glad i got to sit next to someone who didn’t consider my screaming obnoxious (she apologized for screaming during astro and got7 but.. we get each other LOL)

overall i’m so happy that i saw 6/6 of the groups i stan at my very first kcon!!! it’s rlly a memory i want to keep forever.. but i probably won’t go again in a long time (unless ofc.... wanna one or seventeen decide to come again :’))) )

[shikungigi]

After getting lost in Madrid, I came back to my comfort zone for a week then headed out the next Saturday to Marseille. I was very anxious about this trip to France because it was going to be loooooong. When I say long, I mean very long. Why? Because cheap is expensive. As a newbie, I am not an expert at looking at the best flights with the shortest layovers, neither was my friend. Plus we let these flight booking sites trick us with their cookies. So much so that we later discovered that people who booked different flights months after, all got even cheaper rates and better flights. SMH. So it’s not even a matter of cheapness, it’s inexperience.

Anywho, the day came and I got relieved a bit. Etihad Airways is a cool airline with female and male cabin crew that sport very striking lipstick and perfect hair cuts respectively. And it was my first time on such a large plane. I sat next to this American girl who was quite chatty at the beginning, with some braids on her blonde hair. LOL. Total hippie. Plus since we booked these flights via Alitalia originally, I could not book seats in advance so I ended up next to the lavatories. LOL. So you keep hearing that loud vacuum flushing all the time. I can’t seem to remember what I watched during this leg. I think it was The 15:17 to Paris. I had to Google the title now. I was not sleepy yet, the best was yet to come. I got to Abu Dhabi at some minutes to 9. A few minutes into walking into the terminal, I met up with this other Kenyan who had an even longer layover, but we lost each other at the security check.

Abu Dhabi International Airport is a real swanky airport. They have poured a lot of their abundant money into making it the airport of choice for layovers. I was going to spend 6 hours here, so I decided to find the best seats in the terminal of my next flight. If I was sleepy, these would have been very helpful. I was not. Yet. I grabbed something to eat and chat up my people. I am not exactly sure what I did for the rest of the six hours. What I remember is too much a/c and people running across the terminal to their flights. I finally moved down to my gate about an hour to my flight. I was obviously starting to get real tired, so I did not like the next flight much. But hold that thought.

Real nice, right?

I think this is when I watched The Greatest Showman in my utter fatigue. And even then, I was so enraptured by the movie, even in this poor airplane quality amidst that continuous annoying drone, I cannot stop playing the soundtrack album now. A Million Dreams is playing in my ears right now, while I’m in the belly of a different drone — a hairdryer. I will not deny I watched it on and off, between dozing off, trips to the loo and munching some bits and pieces of Etihad supper. That notwithstanding, I really had to fight off my tears, an endeavour I failed at miserably. I ended up with a serious lump of pain in my throat by the end of it. If you’re into musicals or looking for a movie you can watch with little ones, I think this is it. I am definitely rewatching it in better quality soon.

Off to Fiumicino, Aeroporti di Roma (Rome) a.k.a. Leonardo da Vinci, my last and longest layover before Marseille. And the 8 hours were tortuuuuuure. I got there some minutes to 7AM, Sunday. And let us not forget crossing time zones just makes it even more confusing. Abu Dhabi is an hour ahead of us. Rome is 2 hours behind us. I think. And remember, I have not really slept since 8AM, Saturday. We all squeeze into the transfers hall which seems a bit too cramped for my liking and I already know I will not like my stay at this airport. The only flashy things that could not help me one bit were the luxury stores across Terminal E on two floors. I was in Italy, after all. Dolce&Gabbana. Pandora. Gucci. Burberry. The seats were not going to help in my sleepy misery, so I just sat there and played with my phone until my flight was finally displayed on the screens. I went through passport control as I was now really entering the Schengen area and went on to more shops and uncomfortable chairs. Try as I might, I could not sleep. So, again, I do not know what I did with those 8 hours. This is also mixed with the fact that I could have sworn I watched Modern Family for hours on Netflix but I can neither confirm this from my watch history nor from searching on Netflix. I was definitely not day-dreaming because my Google history tells me I was on Netflix all afternoon. But the other Google says Modern Family has never been on Netflix. Wacha tuachie hapo kwanza. What I am sure about is that I finally found myself inside a small Alitalia flight to Marseille in the early evening. I sat next to a polite boy who was all Bonjour on me. That was the first time I acted like I learnt French from my mum.

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———————————————————— Marseille is definitely hot. It’s a coastal town. I have never been happier to alight from anything in my life like I was when we did at Marseille. I just wanted to sleep! The immigration lines were so long I almost gave up. But since I had already got the stamp in Rome, the guy did not look at my passport twice. I ventured out into the Arrivals hall to wait for my people to get me. We headed out into the Alps (Alpes in French) some minutes after that. This is where we were going to spend most of the time in France. Destination, a little village called Saint Jacques. Why? Wedding Bells!!!!! How? All under the auspices of my dear loving friend Leilah and her very beautiful family. Just writing this almost made me tear up, so let me stop and will pick that up later. In private. Where no peering eyes are wondering why this crazy black girl is crying on a plane. LOL. I have clearly written this post for many days in different places and spaces, so don’t even try to envision my writing pattern.

So from Marseille, the capital of Provence-Alpes-Côte d’Azur region (south-East France basically), the roads are a delight. They literally pay for them highways at toll gates. Cars stick to the right here too. I will never get used to that. The drive was a feast for my sore eyes as we drew nearer to the Alps. I temporarily forgot I was tired and sleepy. My new road trip friends offered some very sweet bread too. I mean, how else was I to really know I was in France? There was a bit of a drizzle too. Darkness had covered the mountains by the time we got to the village. And that is to say a lot considering the sun goes down late. Again, a warm welcome awaited us as the family ushered us into the most ageless home I have ever walked into right next to a church. I remember walking in and commenting on how I smelt history around. And great food! And books! And French! Oh my goodness. Was I not supposed to be sleepy btw?

After the warm dinner, mamé walked us to what we would call home for the next few days. I was in awe. This was the second most antique home I had ever walked into. She showed us everything and kept apologizing because she believed this was not good enough for us. I was confused. Why was she apologizing? This was like walking through a dream for me. Like walking into one of those fairy tales I had read as a kid. Red Riding Hood, perhaps. Or living inside the set of Once Upon A Time. Just look at these pics and tell me I am wrong?

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Anyway, I finally got over my awe and slept like a log. I think we woke up at 11 the next day. On a Monday. I mean, what else would I want in life than to wake up like that and open wooden shutters into the most awe-inspiring view of the Alps outside. Sigh. I want to go back.

Monday was chill, with more bread, cheese, chicken and sausages. We had lunch outside in the luscious green compound outside the main house. Then we attended mass in the church. Legitimately the most ancient church I have walked into. The experience was made all the more exotic because most of the mass was in French. I could not wait for the next day, wedding day!

And it came! A beautiful summer morning with everyone getting ready for the occasion. Leilah looked exquisite! She has always had a way with elegant gowns. Speaking of elegance, the wedding was the epitome of admirable simple-elegance. Sorry, what did you say? I can’t make up words? Not today. It made me rethink my whole wedding dream. I do think that the fact that we were already in a naturally beautiful place that needed no expensive and unnecessary decor contributed to this. And the people who streamed in to share in this joy. What else do you really need? Nothing. It was a lovely ceremony which included the baptism of the couple’s adorable baby girl. You should have seen me singing along to French hymns! 😀 You would have thought I had been there for months.

After the church ceremony, we spent some time out in the sun on some drinks and snacks. We then headed out to the wedding party. It was an intimate affair, not much different from the Kenyan ones we know with speeches and good food. Let me not talk too much about this from here. I will let the pictures do that for us.

The evening was wonderful! I never thought I could dance in public until this night. I guess I was still in a dream. We danced for hours in the open to all kinds of tunes, from African to pop, to reggae and samba. Suffice to say, my limbs were in pain the next day. I got over that real quick though as we headed out for a little hike in the Alps that afternoon. The views here are to die for, even when you’re not into climbing stuff. Worry not. You can just come here to stare.

The weather has a funny way of communicating, because after all the sun, the Alps decided it was time for rain on Thursday. So we tucked in and spent the rest of the day just making some Kenyan noise and eating. I could have sworn I had gained many kilos during my stay here but I actually didn’t.

We headed back to Marseille, with a short stopover at Gap. A little town that left nothing imagination, especially after experiencing dreamy Alps, but I did love these!!!

I got to experience Marseille for a few hours when the temperatures had dipped a little this time. The sights from Basilique Notre Dame de la Garde were amazing, including the sunset.

I also got to feast on the biggest burger I have seen in my life. Generally the short experience in France encouraged me in my quest to learn French. And to experience the love of a people brought together by love that supersedes all the many unnecessary complications we insist on bringing upon ourselves. The next time I am back there (because there will be a next time), I will have more to say about the city. Or maybe even drop by Paris. No, not maybe. Definitely. By then, I will be a master of French.

For now, I bow out, with a dreamy smile on my

&nface. À bientôt, mon amis!

An Alpine Affair After getting lost in Madrid, I came back to my comfort zone for a week then headed out the next Saturday to Marseille.

[ohh-kaye]

Why I love Dear Evan Hansen (even though I’ve never watched the musical)

Dear Evan Hansen,

Today is going to be a good day and here’s why. Because today, today at least you’re you... and that’s enough.

*sigh*

I’m listening to soundtrack as I write this and still weeping. I just really need to get all of this out of my system because it’s literally eating away at me.

To start off, I haven’t watched it yet nor would I ever get the chance to because I live in a different continent and I’m broke af.

Back when the musical first came out (or when it was getting a lot of public attention), I saw many videos of this dude from Pitch Perfect singing on late night shows and promoting the musical but I was like “Eh. Don’t really care much for this” so I never ended up watching any of it.

Fast forward to August and I saw Evan Edinger post a video on why he loved this musical and then songs from the soundtrack started appearing on my recommended list. I was honestly so intrigued with the album art.

Look at that. Ugh. Beautiful.

I first listened to “Waving Through A Window” which by the way I haven’t stopped listening to since July 30. I just love how I relate to it so much. I’m pretty sure everyone relates to the song one way or another but this song hit me so deep that I actually cried when I first heard it (and cried a couple more times since then). My heart sinks every time when he sings “Give them no reason to stare / No slipping up if you slip away / So I got nothing to share / No, I got nothing to say”. Like fuck maaan. ALSO! When it gets to “When you’re falling in a forest and there’s nobody around /  Do you ever really crash or even make a sound?” and it builds up. Holy shit the song is amazing and it hurts so bad.

Don’t the tears just pour. (I respect you if you know the reference)

Long story short, I adore the soundtrack. Obviously. A couple stand outs for me (apart from the song above) would be “Sincerely Me”, “Only Us”, “For Forever”, “Anybody Have A Map”, “If I Could Tell Her” and “Requiem”. But this doesn’t mean I didn’t like everything else because THIS SOUNDTRACK IS PERFECTION.

tbh i could go through each song individually and ramble on why i love it. (but knowing me i will probably ramble enough by the end of this post)

Because I haven’t watched the actual musical yet, I resorted to reading the story line on Wikipedia and watching summary videos of it and I get the overall gist of it. soz.

Evan is socially anxious. Which btw if you didn’t know, I am too.

Connor commits suicide and shit goes down with Evan because of a letter and he ends up making up this elaborate story of how he was friends with Connor (which they weren’t) and everything kind of slowly unravels while he ends up getting everything that he wants (friends, family, the girl of his dreams).

I mean I understand how everything snowballed for him and how trapped he must’ve felt with having to lie. But he had good intentions. He started The Connor Project because it could be a source people could reach out to when they felt alone (similar to what Evan or Connor felt) and he didn’t anyone else feeling that way. And I love that.

Although I have a pretty solid family, it gave me a perspective on how my parents are with trying to keep us all together when they themselves are falling apart. And it’s sad. My family is just a combination of the Hansen’s and Murphy’s (it sounds confusing i know).

There’s this scene in particular somewhere when Evan was talking to imaginary Connor and he asks “How did you break your arm Evan?” and oh my god I began to bawl like a disgusting child when he asks “Did you fall or did you let go?”.

And it all made sense to me. The cast. On how depressed he was. Like he actually intended to die from the fall. So Waving Through A Window hurt even more after I heard the whole exchange.

I felt like the ending was perfect and was so real. It wasn’t a happy ending but it wasn’t a bad ending either. It wasn’t an “Okay, you’re forgiven.  And you can go to college. And you’ll have friends and yadda yadda” and DONE. I can’t explain it properly but I saw it as like an anything can still happen but everything is alright. It just made me feel hopeful. That’s the word I was looking for - hopeful.

i hate my life. wtf was that summary?!

i just love this musical okay? i’m just really sad (all the time) and this makes me feel less sad but still a bit weepy on the inside.

*still listening to the soundtrack*

**still crying**

[jrtuliao]

Day 3: The night I fell in love with New Orleans

After 2 days of consistent nights of hanging out with friends. For the first time in my life I found myself alone, not lonely, but by myself. My friend Kaitlyn was tired from work and had to help her boyfriend pack for his move to a new apartment. My Godbrother Antonio was at work till late so we couldn’t meet up until past 9 pm. I found myself at a crossroads at my friends house on what to do. Her room mate Trey (a really cool dude through and through) suggested that I go to Frenchmen street by the French quarter just a little ways off from the main Canal area. He described the area that it was rich with Jazz and blues, food and a great time. Sadly he couldn’t join me on this adventure for he had work ( he’s an Uber driver). So I said fuck it, why not, little did I know that my personal introverted self felt a little uneasy being alone in a place I had no idea what to do, where to go, and no one to mentally cling onto as a crutch in an unknown place. Little did I know about the fearlessness inside of myself. So Trey and I get into his car and as he’s driving me, he’s describing the area of how awesome it is. Also how many bars were there, cool shops and interesting people. Meanwhile inside, I felt a slight scream within me, with questions about who will I be in this situation, who will I become after?  Will I change? or stay the same? Will I make a friend? I never thought or said these words, but I know I felt them right in my gut. Right at the core of my shy self back in high school.

The moment Trey dropped me off in front of Dat Dog (this cool hotdog spot). I instantly felt out of place. I constantly looked at my phone, pretending to know where to go. I walked into this cool knick knack shop, that had all sorts of books, postcards and random magazines (Oh! there was also a ton of gay porn and paraphernalia). I also wandered into this kickass record shop called Music Factory. It had a ton of original print records. Some Simon & Garfunkel, Rolling stones, Count Basie, John Coltrane, Led Zeppelin, Etta James, Aretha Franklin,etc.  I was interested in getting a couple of records, but decided not to. I didn’t feel a necessity. A necessity to anything honestly. Like, what’s the point if I didn’t share any of these special moments with someone. That was until I met Michela.

Now, fast forward a few, let’s say 15 minutes of awkward wandering, listening to the amazing street performers, I noticed this woman, just walking outside of this bar. She kind of slumped to the side and started crying. I noticed it right away. I wanted to talk to her, not because she was beautiful, not because I felt alone, not because I felt like I needed a companion. I wanted to make her smile. No, I wanted to earn her smile. 

I initially decided not to linger and stare from afar, but due to my initial hesitance and cowardice, I left her to cry and wandered more. (Btw Frenchmen street is like 2-3 fucking blocks, so I did laps left and right). When I came back around the street on the other side, she was sitting by the side of Dat Dog where I had started my lone adventure. She was smoking a cig and still a little teary eyed. I stood there on the corner of the block for contemplating if I should talk to her. I didn’t want to seem like a creep to be standing for an uncomfortable long time, but I didn’t want to leave. I made a decision and whispered to myself, “No regrets, be better”. I shoved my phone into my pocket and walked over.

I said hello and asked if it was okay for my to sit next to her. She thought I was asking for a smoke, so I had to clarify again, but a little less confident, but more warm She said it was okay and so I took out my own cig (Malboro Golds), lit it and sat down. There was a cool silence between us (no more than 10 seconds). So I started talking to her. I introduced myself with a handshake, “My name is Jed” She shook back and said “Michela”. I learned that she is Italian and came to visit, sadly this was her last day. I had also learned, that she came here to the U.S. to speak English. (She knew english, took classes in Italy, but wanted to get better at speaking it). So I started asking her about herself, and why she chose to travel to America. Turns out she was visiting multiple parts of the U.S. She started in California, then here in New Orleans, from there to Texas for family and then finally New York. And then I asked, “Why do I see sadness in your eyes, when there is love everywhere” She brushed off the question, with a “don’t worry about it, it’s nothing, really” She said she was more said, that she had finally found a place that she absolutely loved on her final day. And then... something amazing happened.

A silenced settled in, as we both started to smoke a second cig. These two women were playing guitars and singing across the street on the corner started singing 4 Non Blondes’ “ What’s up”. I started singing subtlety and slowly she started singing along with me too. And before we knew it, there were to people singing in unison, harmonizing together, singing, “Heeyyeaahhyeaahyeaaha, HEYYYYYEAAAHHYEAAAH, I said HEY! WHAT’S GOING ON!”. It felt like peace.  When the song stopped, we finished our cigs and she said, “Hey would, you like to accompany me to this shop here? I want to get a post card”. I said, “of course”. It was the shop I had first visited, with all the knick knacks and Gay Paraphernalia. We both had been inside that shop prior to. As we browsed, I continued to inquire about her with questions about her major (she is a bio major, planning to go into, economic studies on pollution for masters). As we walked in between the cramped aisles of books, dust and random thrift, I found a cool guitar. I asked if she knew any instruments, she knew how to play piano. I was very intrigued. And then I asked the big question, about the universal language we all feel at some point in our lives. I asked about what kind of music did she like, love. She spoke about rock n roll, jazz and the blues. Her favorite band is The Beatles and through them and of course many other greats, she fell in love with the blues. I spoke about the record shop up the street. And she had been there prior as well and wanted to go back before it closed. She ended up not getting the postcard from that shop. We then rushed up to Music Factory around 7 (the store closes at 8). And we browsed the records together.

I asked if she was eyeing any records in particular as we continued to talk about, Jimmy Hendrix, Neil Young, Etta James, Eric Clapton, Arethra Franklin and many more. She told me, she wanted this Album by Neil Young, “On The Beach”. I told her to get it, she felt guilty spending money. She ended up getting 3 albums (with my push for her to do so!) On the Beach, an album by the Beatles, or the Beach Boys, and the third one I can’t really remember. I ended up picking up some records also to my surprise. Elton John’s “Don’t shoot me” and Mott the Hoople “All the Young Dudes”. She also bought 2 pins from the shop, I ended up buying one. (I found out later she had bought the extra one for me). We left a few minutes past closing and decided to go find someplace to eat. We wandered for a few minutes, took pictures of graffiti and random wall art as we walked and decided on this cool bar restaurant that had an upstairs to it. Live music was playing on the main floor, while people ate upstairs. We were seated a little closer towards the window and some wall furniture with a mirror on top of the shelf( it was nice).We had the most energetic waitress who was really sweet. We spent a good while deciding on what to eat, because we were busy talking about what was on the menu. I was helping her understand some words and how to speak some phrases. At one point we had to literally google shrimp and veal to see what it looks like. (because she wasn’t sure on what that was) (Oh! also she knew was shrimp was but in Italian). We had a fun time googling most of the things on the menu and finally decided on a shrimp salad and Veal Pasta with a nice glass of Pinot Grigorio ( white wine) to accompany our meals. It was a grand time.

We spent roughly more than an hour there, probably maybe even two. And every minute we laughed, talked, asked questions about each other, shared music with each other. I had never heard of the band Morphine and she had never heard of Fleetwood Mac.We talked about movies, she had suggested this movie by Woody Allen, called Zelig (we both weren’t sure of the spelling). I had suggested Madment and Baby Drive. Every time we’d share something cool, we took out our little notepads and moleskins and had each other write in the other’s book the suggestion, phrase, song, move random fact, or book. We talked about books a lot. I had mentioned, Ready Player One and then Brave New World and 1984. The moment I mentioned Huxley, she began to share these awesome facts about his family. How his grandfather was a primary support of Darwin and his Evolution thesis, and I think his brother, or uncle started the World WIldlife Foundation. She had such a glow in her eyes, when she would share all these facts with me. I loved her company, and she loved mine. By the time finished our food, it go cold. We laughed about how much we spent talking and less eating. Once we finished up, I had payed for our dinner, she felt bad and offered to buy me a beer. I took her up on that offer. And thus began a night of smiles and warmth (btw it’s still hot as fuck).

When we left the restaurant, we went looking for a bar to get a drink. Stumbled into one which had this kickass live band called InBusiness. They played a mean funk, hard, fast and belching. They had so much energy. As we drank and stood within the crowd watching, I started dancing a little bit (i never dance, and I felt like I danced awkwardly haha). Small head bobs, and knee bouncing, just feeling the music. And she did too, she started swaying with me and smiling. Oh how awesome it was. We left to find another bar, and then Etta James came ringing us in.

We stood outside at the door first as we watched this band sing Etta’s,” I rather be blind” and just like a moth to a flame we were entranced by their music. I saw she started tearing up. So I started singing along with them, and so did she and the tears went away again as we felt the blues together. And then when it was over, man... they were on fire, the band started playing some awesome tunes and then she turned to me and asked, “ Want to dance?” I stupidly said, “ I don’t dance very well”. She replied with a “Me too”( This was a lie, she was amazing). And then we just went in there and really started feeling the music. 

We slowly swayed with it, then bopped to it and shook to it. And the next thing I knew, we had put our stuff down at a table and really started dancing! The two lead singers was a bald headed powerful black women with a swagger I never knew and a Big bold black woman with a voice that just hit your soul with some funk. The bald headed woman, turned to the crowd and scream “ Y’ALL WANT SOME FUNK?!” she turned to her band and said “NOW PLAY ME SOME FUCKASS BEAT!”. And boom a electrifying energy washed over us as Michela and I continued to vibe off of each other immensely. They played  this dope ass funk version of “Lean on Me” which really got us both jiving. She said it got a little hot, so she wanted to change. I was by myself really feeling the music for a short bit and when she returned, I was stunned. She had this beautiful dress on, I didn’t know what to say ( My dumbass finally complimented her a little later). We danced a little more and then left. We walked and talked and made friends with these 3 cool cat poets on the street, who did poetry for any donation, as per their words, “ It can be from nothing to a million dollars, it’s entirely up to you!”. I had one written about Freedom (I’ll share that later) and she had a poem about change. Both were really Ginsberg -esque and they were awesome. We stopped by this street vendor who sold jewelry. It was funny because the main dude kept trying to hit on her, while trying to get me to buy her some stuff. I didn’t care, I had the honor to see her smile. I joked with the guy as we haggled and watched this man with a tuba play with this other guy across the street with a trumpet. They were really popping! The guy made all of his stuff with his friend by hand, and was nice enough to give her these two beautiful earrings they made, while she bought a wrist band from them. We continued on into the night talking, dancing, smiling. Enjoying each other. Walked into this one live performance where this Filipino dude was killing it on the mic with his dope voice, while her and I danced more. Every time she turned and smiled at me, I felt warm. I became braver with myself as I continued to dance with her, not caring for all the guys trying to do so as well. I grabbed her hand and twirled her around as I made steps I never took before (dancing and in life, double meaning and all that shit haha). When we left the place, she had told that I was a very good dancer. That was the first time I was ever told that. 

We went into another bar to cool off, and watch a smooth jazz band play. bought a couple of drinks for us and we just talked about our adventures here in New Orleans. We shared pictures from the sculpture garden, funny pictures of graffiti and talked about other stuff we did during our time. She felt sad that she only had 4 days to be there. She was even sadder that, when she’d be in New York, I would still be here in NOLA. ( from the 21st to 30th I think, she’d be in NY, I was here till the 30th). Oh man did I wish I would be in New York when she’d touch down, just to see her again.

When it was time for us to go, she realized she had lost one of the earrings somewhere. We went hunting for it. I said, let’s check out the previous bar we went to (the one with the dope ass Filipino singer). And she found it. She was so happy, “Good karma” I said. When we started walking to a corner to get her a cab, she told me, “ You are such a gentleman, and beautiful person” I told her, “ You are too, and I am lucky to have been honored with your company”. She smiled. I had ordered a Lyft for here, she was staying in the India House Hostel on Canal. And we hugged and kissed each other. She said, “I’ll never forget you Jed”  I said ”I’ll never forget you too Michela”. And she went in to the car and off she went, waving goodbye....smiling beautifully.

There are a many things in this universe where the energy ebbs and flows. But sometimes you just need to take a dive. I wish I could’ve went home with here for many reasons and the obvious. Maybe I clearly missed my mark. But I made a friend. I had a perfect night. Two complete strangers, sharing and loving. I never learned about why she was melancholic. I didn’t even ask if she had someone back in Italy. I don’t know if we will ever see each other again. We promised to stay in touch. She has my number, and we have each other’s Facebook. That night we had zero expectations of each other, we just knew we loved music, we had the blues, but we always smiled and danced. We just, loved. 

We just,

loved.

For Michela, I’ll never forget you. And remember Lasciati traspoztale olal oliveztimeuto

or

Tenere i tempi buoni a rotolarsi

July 17, 2017 Frenchmen Street <3