#I KNOW THAT. THE ETHICS OF IT ARE HORRIBLE AND ALL AND THAT THE WORLD WHERE MECHS EXIST AND ARE USED FOR WARFARE JS A FUCKED UP ONE BUT...

[mossyflowers]

if you love mechs and you know it clap your hands

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[seeingivy]

casual

suguru geto x f!reader

**loosely based on casual by my beloved chappell roan

—

in the three months that you spend with suguru geto, he leaves a sour taste in your mouth and it’s not only because he tastes like black coffee. and in the two months that follow, before your deeply unfortunate circumstantial reunion, the last five words that you uttered to him, the sentiment behind them, only seems to grow. 

you can go to hell. 

and it’s all you can think when he shows up to the emergency room – a pinkish sunburn across his nose, his hair messily tied back – and eyes dripping in a concern that fills you with a rage. and it’s a deep sigh that he gives you, before reaching for your hand. 

“what happened to you, peach?” 

--

the general education class that you choose to satisfy your values and ethics inquiry is the sociology of religion. counting all the stakes – a stellar review on rate my professors, a night class at the start of the week, and minimal homework – it makes for the most ideal choice. 

“so what’s your major?” 

the downside? the midterm and final project are group assignments. and on any other occasion, you would have appreciated it – getting to split the work, taking some of the load off and sharing the work with someone, except for the fact that you didn’t know anyone in the class – and for the most part, you were expecting some half-brained idiot that would make you do all the work. 

you suppose it’s at least fair that he’s not horrible to look at. in the dimmed lights of your apartment, there’s something almost off putting about your partner, suguru geto. you count seven piercings across his ears – dangling silver pieces almost shining in the glint of the light – and the smallest rim of purple around his eyes. harsh cheekbones, a hard jaw, and wrinkles by his eyes. 

“educational studies. what’s yours?” you state. 

“computer science.” 

you hum in response, filling the two glasses with water and snatching one of the peaches from its container before taking your seat across from him, noting that he has a dimple on the left side when he smiles in response to your gesture. 

“did you want some?” you ask, holding the peach in between the two of you. 

he shakes his head, slumping against the counter in what seems an almost unnatural pose – his long limbs spreading into the space underneath your chair. you wonder if he always had an unusual way of taking up space. 

and it seems that as time goes on, he gets more and more unusual. quietly working through the portions that you split up, except for a few deep breaths here and there, though he would stop once in a while and would almost ask for approval of what he had written, waiting for some confirmation from you that it was okay with you. 

“you’re comparing adam and eve to…orpheus? i’m not really familiar with that.” you state. 

suguru nods, before turning towards you to explain. his eyes waver in the slightest as he turns over to you, his gaze flitting down to your lips, before looking back up at you. 

“you don’t have to be polite. you really can have some if you want, it’s really sweet.” you state. 

suguru smiles. 

“maybe later.” 

you shrug. 

“so orpheus…” 

“it’s a really old greek myth. orpheus and eurydice. to kind boil it down, eurydice is in the underworld with hades. and orpheus is trying to convince hades to let her return to the mortal world, with him.” 

he scoots his chair a little bit closer to you and you’re able to note one thing – that there’s a resonance in his voice, that it hums in his chest when he talks. 

“hades tells him that he’ll let him take eurydice with him, but on one condition. she has to walk behind him.” 

“that’s not that hard.” 

suguru grins. 

“isn’t it?” he asks. 

you pause. 

“you’re being told by this big, all powerful god, that she’s walking behind you. but you can’t look. you wouldn’t even consider the fact that you were being fooled? that maybe she had decided not to follow?” 

“i mean, i guess. i don’t think it would really cross my mind, i…i think i’d just follow out all the way til the end because i’d kind of have faith if that’s what i was promised. and that she’d want to come with me too.”  

suguru pauses, like he’s almost taking in what you’ve said – like it’s the first time he’s heard it – and responds rather slowly. 

“you’re rather trusting, aren’t you?” 

you roll your eyes. 

“is that such a bad thing? what do you think about it?” 

suguru shrugs. 

“it was a worthless pursuit in the first place. there was no way that he wouldn’t have turned around and looked back.” 

“what do you mean?” 

“it’s simple. he loves her. if he hears something that deceives him – like the sound of her tripping over a rock – he doesn’t think. he looks back. if he thinks that she isn’t there, he won’t be able to get over it and he’ll turn around.”  

you pause, mulling the thought over. and you suppose it’s true – that if you really did love something, it would be almost impossible not to check for the promise of their presence. 

“i guess. so what? she goes back to the underworld?” 

“yeah. it’s one of the most tragic love stories.” 

“i guess it’s kind of romantic. that he loved her so much that he had to look back, like it was almost an instinct.” 

and in the split second that the two of you stare at each other, he leans forward, pressing his lips to yours, with the strong taste of coffee lingering on his lips. 

you’ve kissed three people before in your life – the boy you sat next to in the seventh grade, your date to the prom, and now suguru geto. 

the first was overwhelming. a quick locking of the lips, that at the time, made you nearly erupt into a puddle of butterflies. the second was lackluster. waxy from too much chapstick, abrupt from the fact that he was quick to shove his tongue in your mouth. 

and the third was indescribable. only because you could feel it – something lingering under his demeanor that you couldn’t exactly place. there wasn’t a word for the feeling it gave you – though there was one that was close enough. 

curiosity. about what that feeling is, about who suguru geto was, and why he felt so inclined to kiss you upon your third meeting. 

you wanted more of it. 

“you’re right, you know?” he murmurs, breath warm against your lips. 

“about being trusting?” 

he laughs. 

“no. about the peach. it really is sweet.” 

he leans back, eyes fixed on the reading in front of the two of you again, as you reach up to touch your lips, the sticky sweetness of the fruit gone from your skin. 

--

suguru comes around often after the fact. always here and there, an almost abrupt and concise text testing the waters. 

[suguru]: is your roommate home? 

[you]: nope. she’s at the district. 

[suguru]: can i keep you company?

[you]: okay! 

and he always arrives promptly twenty minutes after the fact, to the point where you wondered if he lingered around just to get there as fast as he could. and never empty handed – with dinner, dessert, or a flower that he plucked out of the cement in his hands. 

that was the thing that confused you about him. 

after the very first time you kissed, he had made one thing very clear. 

no attachments. you’re not together. 

but yet, he’d show up sometimes and do nothing but kiss your forehead and sleep in your bed next to you. or make you do something entirely mundane – like watch toy story three with a sheet of cookies in your oven – or watch you study. 

and in the two weeks you had known him, you knew better than to question. your curiosity never stopped you, but you found that you were always left with more questions than the vague answers that he gave you.  

“hey peach?” 

“yeah?” 

“your mom is calling.” 

you widen your eyes, immediately snatching the phone from him, and giving him a weary smile. and you side shuffle into the walkway between the laundry and your bedroom, pressing the phone to your ear and murmuring under your breath. 

“hi mom.” 

“hi doll. how are classes?” 

you pick at the loose thread of your sweater, nearly breaking the seams of the sleeve, noting suguru’s curious eyes – that he’s very poignantly trying to hide – from the kitchen. 

“they’re good, ma. what’s up?” 

“right. i’m so sorry to do this to you, my sweet, but i won’t be home when you get back.” 

“what?” 

“we’re going on a trip to see sheila in new york. and well, her vacation is only during those dates and we want to spend as much time with her as we can.” 

you sigh, the frustration tempering in yoru chest. 

“i already paid for the tickets. i saved up for a month trying to buy a flight back.” 

“darling, i know. i’m really sorry, but you know how it is. she just gets so stressed out that we just wanted to go out there and make her holiday nice.” 

“and what about my holiday? you don’t want me to have a nice christmas with my family?” 

you can feel it burning in your cheeks – that embarrassing feeling that’s been simmering in your chest since you were kid. a mix of an insurmountable amount of envy and dejection, from trying to vie for attention from the second that you realized you never had it. 

“don’t try to make me feel guilty.” she scolds 

“i’m not trying to make you feel guilty! i just wished you would have thought about me too.” 

you hear an irritated sigh on the end of the line, which is your first sign that you had made a mistake. because if there was one thing you knew how to do, it was push your mom’s buttons. 

you wonder if it’s because she sees herself in you – and that utter hatred that she has for herself was now placed on you instead. 

“do you always have to be so curt with me?” 

“i’m not being curt, i just…” 

“maybe when i die, you’ll think back and wished that you had appreciated me more. been more understanding that i’m not just your mother, i am someone’s friend too. that i have my own life. and that at the very least, my friends like to call me here and there. acknowledge me while you do god knows what wherever you are.” 

“okay, well, i –” 

“enjoy your christmas. we’ll see you in the spring.” she states. 

there’s a static on the other end of the line and you drop your phone, staring at the dark screen in your hands for the few seconds that follow. and you must have been standing there for too long, because a few minutes later quiet footsteps accompany you in the dimly lit hallway, suguru’s head obscuring the light from the bulb. 

“hi peach.” 

“did you hear all of that?” 

“no.” he responds. 

you look up at him and glare. and he reaches forward, hands soft on your cheek wiping away the wetness that you hadn’t noticed. you’re not sure when you started crying. 

he leans forward and presses a kiss to your cheek.

“you’re a liar. if you’re one thing, it’s nosy.” you respond. 

he smiles. 

“maybe when it comes to you. what happened, pretty girl?” 

you shake your head, his grabby hands coming around your waist as he presses you closer to his chest. you can hear his heart thumping against your ear, the metal of his necklace cold on your cheek, as you heave a sigh. 

“nothing.” 

“oh, come on, peach.” 

you look up at him, expectant and full brown eyes waiting for an answer, as you give in. 

“i just thought i would be going home next week for break. but i think i’m just going to stay here.” 

“because your parents are going to…” 

“see their friends in new york.” 

suguru frowns. you can’t tell if it’s pity in his eyes. 

“it’s not a big deal. i just was expecting to go home, that’s all. and it’s not that big of a deal that i’m going to stay here, the weather is nice and it’s probably frigid cold there.” 

suguru pauses. 

“you’re going to be here alone?” 

“yeah. my roommate is from the east coast.” 

“you should come home with me, for break.” 

you look up at him, eyes wide. 

“what?” 

“s’not that far from here, i usually just make the drive. there’s a nice coffee shop on the way that i always stop at for some energy. and my mom is really nice.” 

you shake your head, almost too violently. 

“i can’t just go home with you. i wouldn’t want to impose.” 

suguru pulls back, his fingers fast on the screen, as he murmurs under his breath, his voice uncharacteristically soft. 

“you’re not an imposition to me, peach. i can’t leave my baby here alone.” 

“sure. but to your parents, and…and staying rent free in your house.” 

suguru grins, handing over the phone to you, as you read the texts on the screen. 

[suguru]: can my friend come home with me for break? her name is y/n. 

[mom]: YES!!!!! 

[mom]: A GIRL! 

[suguru]: not like that

[suguru]: but she’s sweet 

[mom]: I’M GETTING EVERYTHING READY 

you look down at the phone, noting the sweet heart emoji that he has near her contact name, the contact photo a picture of the two of them when he was considerably younger, hugging cheek to cheek. 

“and i stay rent free in your apartment all the time.” 

“suguru, this is…weird. i can’t just come home with you, that’s…that’s too much.” 

he shakes his head. 

“it’s casual. we’re just friends, you’re just coming home with me for break so you won’t be here alone.” 

right. you’d almost be inclined to believe him – if it wasn’t for the fact that the time you spent around him, the more curious you got. 

the more that feeling festered in you, wanting to know anything and everything about him, wanting to crawl deep into his skin and memorize everything and make sense of why he was the way he was. 

“you promise?” 

“for sure.” 

--

“you’re a loser.” 

mei mei is never one to mince her words. and you’re grateful for it – because it’s something that you need when you return from your two weeks stay in long beach with suguru over the break. 

because despite the words that he told you, the ones that you didn’t really believe anyway, you come back in a worse state than you expected. 

you think you love him. 

because in the days of uninterrupted time that you spend together, you let your mind wander too far. because in the quiet moments that the two of you had – knee deep in the passenger seat outside the stupid coffee shop you stopped at, giggling in the bathroom when you went to dinner, and tangled in the bed sheets with him every night – you let yourself taste too much. 

let your mind run a little too wild. thinking about meeting his friends at the pier he showed you, of living together in an apartment in the following year. 

and the two of you teeter a dangerous line. putting each other as emergency contacts, swapping your wardrobe in between your flats, and showering together every morning – his soft hands massaging the shampoo into the roots of your hair.  

“don’t be mean.” you state. 

“i’m not being mean, i’m just saying that…” 

mei mei sighs, cheeks in her hand, with an almost irritating look in her eyes – wholeheartedly judgemental. she just didn’t get it. 

“look, he’s friends with todo. that guy i know from the finance club? and i asked around about him, apparently he loves to brag about how he gets girls off all the time. now either he’s talking about you – clearly not the way you talk about him – or he’s talking to someone else.” 

you sigh. because you can’t even put it past him. because in the months you had known him, he was impossible to understand. a futile effort to read. impossible to touch. 

“look, i’ll just ask him later.” 

and when he comes around your apartment, well after mei mei has left, he brings a slice of peach cobbler that his coworker insisted that he take home with him. 

“peach cobbler for my peach!” 

you wince. 

“that was corny. even for you.” 

“i saw an opportunity and i took it.” suguru responds, shrugging as he loops his arms around your waist, chin resting against the top of your head as he eyes the pot of boiling ramen on your stove. 

and you bite the bullet as fast as you can. 

“do you see other girls?” you ask. 

“huh?” 

you swallow hard, dry patch in your throat, as you feel the sweat tickling the top of your forehead. it’s from the heat of the stove. 

“do you see other girls? or guys?”

“no. do you?” 

you shake your head. and you’re unsure how to word the next question – because there was something humiliating, too bare about having to admit that you want more to him – when things were so sweet as they were. 

perhaps you should have known better. coffee was always bitter at the end. 

“why do you ask?”

you shrug. 

“dunno. was just thinking about us. and how we spent break together and all that.” 

suguru presses a kiss to your hairline. 

“yeah? did you have fun?” 

you hum in response. 

“yeah. i really liked the city. and your mom and your sister. it was really sweet of you to take me.” 

you pause, wincing as you decide to be as blunt as possible. 

“and i like you.” 

he laughs. 

“well, i like you too.” 

“no, no, i like you. well, i more than like you, but i…i can’t say those words.” 

there’s a silence. and his arms feel like loose limp noodles around you. and you realize now, that you made the wrong choice. you turn around, only to find hollow brown eyes staring at you, the makings of a frown on his face. 

“suguru?” 

he winces. 

“i can’t.” he whispers. 

“why not?” 

and you’re not sure what it is, but it throws him into a panic. with his facial features scrunched up, eyes hollow, and nervous hands running through his hair. 

“i just can’t.” 

you cross your hands over your chest, the bitter contempt of rejection blooming in your chest, as you look down, picking at the scab on the inside of your palms as you ask again. 

“i said i didn’t want any attachments.” he adds. 

“i know. but can you blame me for being confused? you took me home to see your family.” 

“as a friend.” 

“you didn’t act like my friend while we were there.” 

suguru groans. 

“and that’s my fault, i know that but –” 

that one stings. admitting that he regrets it. 

“okay, well. that’s alright. maybe you should leave now, then.” you state. 

“wait peach, no. i don’t want to leave, i just..” 

you scoff. 

“you don’t want to leave?” 

“no?” 

it comes out meek, almost timid when he utters it. a question. like he can’t even admit it fully – that he wants to stay. and it fills you with anger, searing red hot anger on the heels of being cast aside so nonchalantly, that it comes to a head then and there. 

“do you really think so little of me?” 

“what? 

“i’m not good enough to be your girlfriend. but whatever else you want, that’s fine. i…i thought you thought of me better than some girl you just fuck around with.” 

suguru sighs. 

“you’re not some girl i just fuck around with.” 

“am i not, though?” 

suguru shuts his eyes, the look on his face is so pained – so miserable – that it irritates you. 

“you’ve made it abundantly clear. that you like me a decent amount, but not enough to care about whether or not you’ll lose me.” 

you bite down so hard on your lip that the taste of metallic blood fills your mouth, coupled with warm tears in your eyes. 

“and for that, you can go to hell.” 

--

“what happened to you, peach?” 

you scoff, curling your nose at the old nickname, as he yanks the closest stool – his legs still too long to even be comfortable on the thing as he leans forward, noting the dried blood on your forehead. 

“a car accident. you can leave now.” 

suguru frowns, almost resembling a kicked dog, as he shakes his head. there’s something softer about his expressions now – something you’re sure is a byproduct of the time you spent apart or the fact that you have a broken rib – and you choose to ignore it for the time being. 

“i can’t just leave.” he whispers. 

“and why not?” 

suguru shakes his head. 

“you have a broken rib. and a deep cut on your forehead. forgive me if i’m concerned about you.” 

“i can’t. knowing you, you’ll casually linger around here for a few days, and when you figure it’s appropriate to leave, you’ll be gone with the wind.” 

the two of you sit there in silence, the harshness of the words hanging in the air between the two of you. 

and yet again, suguru geto leaves you with a never ending pit of curiosity. about what he was doing here, to ask how he is – to make it a note to him that his cheeks look fuller, that his eyes aren’t rimmed red anymore, and that he looks good. 

that you like the new hairstyle. that it killed you when he wasn’t around anymore. that you still want him to go to hell. 

suguru twists the silver ring on his pointer finger a few times – a fourth, a fifth, and a sixth – before you break the silence, your curiosity getting the best of you another time. 

“why are you here?” 

“they called me. i’m your emergency contact still.” 

“no, i gathered that. why are you here?” 

suguru pauses, swallowing hard before responding. 

“if orpheus hears something that deceives him – like the sound of eurydice tripping over a rock – he doesn’t think. he looks back.” suguru states. 

you scoff. vague again. 

“right.” 

“no, really. i got the call. and i didn’t think and just showed up. i just…just had to see you.” suguru states. 

he pauses. 

“it’s kind of romantic, don’t you think? that he loved her so much that he had to look back, like it was almost an instinct.”

you turn to glare at him, at the audacity of him repeating your own stupid words back to you. 

“is it? because his carelessness left her in hell with hades.” 

suguru scoffs. 

“i never did tell you the end of the story, did i?” 

you roll your eyes. 

“orpheus becomes so distraught that he uses his lyre to charm death – just so that he can return to the underworld to be with her. and people debate how it happens, him being ripped apart by irate women or getting killed by the menades, but it does happen. he dies and goes to the underworld. and in some versions, people think that he reunites with her in the underworld. and she forgives him.” 

“and why would she do that?” you ask. 

“because he tried his best to do right by her. he was asked to do one thing – to stay away. and that’s what he did, because…because i know you’re right. because you do deserve better, i do think the world of you and think you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you, the way that you want.” 

suguru pauses. 

“it’s not my fault that i can’t help but look back. i can’t do anything about the fact that i love you.” 

you swallow hard, an embarrassing amount of regret – mixed in with that deep longing that he left in your chest – searing through you. 

“in the casual way, right?” you respond, sarcastically. 

he groans. 

“it’s not casual at all. it wasn’t casual when i leaned forward to taste the sweetness of the peach on your lips – especially when i fucking hate peaches. and it wasn’t casual when i took you home with me, it was…i just couldn’t stand the thought of you being alone. and it’s not fucking casual that i drove three hours when i was supposed to be home this weekend just because i the thought of you sitting in this room alone, in pain, was driving me crazy.” 

you wince, turning to look at him. and it seems that in the mere acknowledgement of his presence by locking his eyes, it seems to fill him with something – something that puts the whisper of a smile on his face. 

“what?” 

“i turned around for you. i didn’t know i would, but now that i have, i…i realize that i probably always would have.” 

“okay?” you whisper. 

“are you going to forgive me for it? not doing it earlier, for…for not getting it right the first time?” he asks. 

you pause, mulling the thought over. and the silence, he takes it as an invitation to plead his case. 

“i’ll beg. i’ll get on my hands and knees if that’ll do something to make it better.” 

you turn to look at him. 

“you…you’re special. i haven’t forgotten about you and…and i know we had something. just let me fix it? i’ll get you a hundred gifts, i’ll tell you a hundred times and i’ll - oh!’ 

he reaches into his bag, shoving his arms into the depths of the pockets, before yanking out a little napkin and reaching forward, opening your hand and placing it in your palm. 

“a tissue?”

“open it.” 

and you oblige, unfolding the tissue to see four little gummy peach rings in the napkin, before turning back to him. 

“peach rings?” 

“for my peach! i eat them all the time now, even though i fucking hate peaches. i only had a few left so i grabbed what i had left when i ran out. and i ate some on the way on accident because i was nervous, worried about you and all..” 

you look down, the sugary crystals on the candy almost sparking in the light, as you look back at him. and he's wholeheartedly different - not the cool, cold guy you left behind, but a weird mess of awkwardness and jitters, and maybe even the tiniest hint of desperation.

he seems wholeheartedly more touchable this way.

“you make no sense.” you state.

suguru frowns. 

“i know. but i’m trying.” he responds. 

and you sigh, wiping your hands at your side, before eating one of the candies. bitter at first, but sweet at the end. 

“suppose that’s my problem then. i’ll have to figure you out.” you respond. 

suguru’s face splits into a smile, his motions so eager as he leans over the railing of the bed, the angle entirely off as he leans forward to kiss you. and it’s entirely different from every other time you’ve kissed him – full and whole, a warm and tender promise behind it. 

“you’re wrong, you know?” you whisper. 

“about what?” he murmurs. 

“the peaches. they taste good.” 

he laughs. 

“is that right?” he whispers, his thumb tracing the outline of your lips, as he wavers his eyes up again, to the cut on your forehead. 

he leans forward, pressing a kiss to the bandages, before pulling back, lips lingering over yours. 

“i think i need one more to decide.”

--

an: idk.

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[serejae]

anyone else but you | x.minghao

pairing : idol!minghao x reader

WHAT ! - painting minghaos nails (reader likes doing nails),

warnings: petnames, kisses, established relationship, self indulgent

you sat in the living room practicing on the practice nail hand minghao had bought you when he found you wanted to start doing nails, while spotify was playing in the back. minghao walked out of your guy's shared room noticing you working. he leaned against the wall softly smiling at the sight

there was something so comforting about how your posture was horrible but the small light on the coffee table that was originally supposed to help you see the nails clearer emphasized the features on your face more as well as how your brows furrow and your lips softly pout out as a result of focusing.

feeling a gaze on you, you turn to look and see minghao propped against the wall, when he realizes he got caught he closes his eyes for a second and chuckles in embarrassment, but he knows he could only blame himself due to the fact he didn't try to hide it.

minghao walked over to where you were sitting looking at his nails that you painted for him about a week ago and how some were chipped due to practice for seventeen's upcoming comeback.

he sat in front of you and you noticed his nails. holding his hand to take a closer look, "do you want me to repaint them?" he nodded and smiled at you "thank you"

you slid the practice hand aside and grabbed your acetone removing the old polish. as he looked for inspiration on his phone, a design caught his eye. he saw how it matched the comeback colors as well as the aesthetic, gently sliding the phone toward you

"can you do this one for me please?"

"yeah anything for you"

although you've been in a relationship for a while he couldn't help but smile each time you agreed to do something for him, because out of all people it was for him.

as you started on the base coat, the song had finished and a new song was playing

"oh i love this song" you said excitedly turning the volume up

minghao just sat in front of you as you worked on his nails making them look pretty smiling at you as he listened to you sing the lyrics quietly

"i dont see what anyone can see in anyone else, but youuuuu" you sang and you moved your head from side to side with the beat

laughing slightly at your movements he mirrors them tilting his head with you and synchronizing with you as he hums to the beat

as you worked he broke down each of the lyrics and applied it to your relationship

"i kiss you all starry eyed, my body swinging from side to side"

he wish he could kiss you right now but unfortunately, you were too focused on his nails for him to swoop in and kiss you, but he will swing side to side with you.

"just because we use cheats, doesn't mean were not smart"

smiling at the lyric he remembers when you two were still in high school and that one algebra 2, the class where he met you. oh, he hated that class so much but loved it for bringing him to you. his mind traced back to when you would send him looks as a way to ask for the answer to a question on the quiz, he knew you well enough to read you and then give you the answer with his expressions. and like telekinesis, you nodded like you understood him (you did) and circled the answer on your paper

sure wasnt the most ethical thing to do, but you both survived the horrible math class

"my name is adam and im your biggest fan"

minghao couldnt help but laugh at that lyric, cause it was so him.

his name is minghao and he's your biggest fan

he hates public attention but if he had to shout it to the world, he would. anything you dream or want to do, he will always be your backbone to rely on

you looked up at him laughing and raised your eyebrow

"whats so funny?" you asked

minghao smiled at you and softly pushed back a piece of hair from your face

"nothing, i'm just your biggest fan"

smiling at his words you continue working on his nails

"i'm your biggest fan too"

he's never listened to the song, but he was sure about one thing

he didn't see what anyone else could see but you

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

End Game 10

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, stalking, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your gaming buddy asks to meet up but it doesn’t go exactly as planned.

Characters: Andy Barber

Note: the best way to spend you Tuesdays is pissed at an old man.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

You sleep for a few minutes here and there. The rushing traffic, the motion of the car, and the general unease of your circumstance wakes you several times over until you give up. You recognise the highway signs and sit up, rubbing your temples as you try to focus your vision. 

You gulp as you contemplate what’s ahead. You peek over at the man next to you. How do you explain this? 

You mull it over as you peer through the windshield and daze out at the license plate ahead of you. Kara isn’t easy to lie to and you’re a horrible liar. You don’t lie, you just don’t always tell her everything. You sigh and Andy shifts in his seat. 

“You alright, sweetie?” He asks, “we’re almost there. Can stretch our legs soon.” 

“She can’t know,” you say abruptly. 

He winces and shakes his head, “what do you mean?” 

“Kara. She can’t know... you’re a lawyer. My grandmother knows you. Or you’re an old friend of my parents. You’re doing me favour but in front of her we’re not... not...” you struggle to push the truth through your tight throat, ��together.” 

“Right, makes sense.” 

“You’re getting her off the hook. That’s all she needs to know.” 

“Got it,” he replies crisply. 

You close your eyes and cringe. You shake your head. This is humiliating. You’re negotiating with him for your own pride. You can’t imagine telling Kara everything. You know that creep I told you about, he owns me now. Ugh. The thought makes you want to hurl. 

“I understand, sweetie, you gotta ease into this. I think it’s better we keep it on the down low anyway,” he speaks over the steering wheel. ‘Down low’, is he trying to be hip? “Wouldn’t be very ethical for me to represent your friend based on our relationship so...” 

“Yeah,” you mutter. Ethical.

It’s more than that. It’s that you would have to say it all out loud. That you would have to admit that you are nothing. That even though you want desperately to say no, to tell him to go away, that you did over and over, that you have no ground to stand on. The only person that wants you in this world is him and that’s just pathetic. 

“How about once we have everything sorted, you spend the day with her? Catch up with your friend? I’ll be at the hotel, give you some space to get your head on,” he offers gently, as if he’s doing a favour. In his eyes, everything he does is generous. “I mean, who knows the next time you’ll get to see her.” 

That last part hits you like a kick in the stomach. Will you see her again after you go off with this man? You still don’t understand what’s in his head. What exactly does he have planned? Are you going to be his plaything? His dirty little secret? He’s an attorney, rather famous by Google’s metric, so can he really be flaunting around with a woman half his age? Less. 

“Yeah, I guess,” you agree flatly and cross your arms. 

Your stomach lets out a long growl, filling the silence. You turn your face to the window, embarrassed. He chuckles and reaches over you pet your arm. 

“Hungry? Me too,” he goads. 

“I’m fine,” you insist and lean away from him. 

He puts his hand back on the wheel and switches lanes as you approach your exit. He sighs and merges onto the ramp. You grit your teeth to keep from screaming. He knows you don’t want this but he continues to pretend like it’s so normal. You don’t know if he’s gaslighting you or if he’s actually delusional. 

“How about you and Kara go get lunch? I’ll venmo you some money and--” 

“Jesus Christ!” You throw your hands up, “I get it! I get it! You’re such a good guy and I’m the poor fucking girl who can’t take care of herself, but goddamnit Andy, let me think. I still have a fucking brain.” 

He sucks in sharply through his nostrils and juts out his chin. The quick glance of his profile startles you. His anger ripples hotly in the air and makes you shiver. Why did you say that? 

“I’ve already told you not to talk like that. Profanity isn’t cute,” he snips as he grips the wheel tighter, his knuckles paling. “I know you have a brain, sweetie. That’s why I like you. You’re smart.” He takes measured breaths as you hear the tenuous control in his timbre, “I’m not trying to control you, I’m trying to help. I think I’m being pretty nice. Hm. I could just drag you back onto the road without stopping, couldn’t I?” 

You look down at your lap and squirm. Something flickers inside of you. A memory itches in your head. Another car ride, another angry man, telling you what he’s done for you, telling you he’s done giving and not getting. Your cheeks pinch with the threat of tears. 

“Sorry, dad,” you choke out. 

“What?” He hisses and nearly swerves. 

“Andy,” you cough and sit up straight, “sorry, I was mumbling. I’m sorry. Alright. I’m stressed and I haven’t slept.” You shake as you make yourself say what he wants to hear. “I know you’ve done a lot for me and I’m not... I’m not good enough. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Alright? I’m sorry. I just--” You swallow and roll your eyes up, “I’m sorry.” 

He lets the silence hang over you. He slows as he joins the local traffic. You recognise the streets. You’re reminded of the convention and how it all turned sour. All because of him. It feels like a rotten sort of irony that you’re back there together.��

“Sweetie, we’re both exhausted and it’s been such a long road,” he says quietly, “I forgive you but you need to watch your mouth. It’s not pretty when you talk like that.” 

You flinch. What the fuck? You try not to let the frown break through and flare your nostrils. 

“I’ll do better,” you utter. 

“I know you will,” he declares victoriously, “you’re a good girl, sweetie.” 

You don’t say much else. As he pulls up to the station, you mentally prepare yourself. You wish you could tell Kara everything. She was always the best shoulder to lean on but you know that’s too dangerous. She would flip out. You can imagine her confronting Andy and getting herself right back into trouble. No, this is your problem. 

“Might take a while,” Andy warns as he gets out. He opens the back door and takes out his jacket. As he pulls it on, there’s a marked change. The full suit completes that attorney picture. “Did you wanna come in? You’ll have to wait in the lobby.” 

“That’s fine,” you shrug. You’re restless. You just want Kara out and safe. “Are you sure you can fix this?” 

“Trust me, honey. I do this stuff all the time. Bonds and whatnot. I know what I’m doing,” he assures you. Oh, he definitely is all too aware of what he’s doing. 

“Alright.” 

“This shouldn’t be too hard. First offense, young, hanging out with the wrong guy,” he checks his beard in the side mirror, “easy.” 

The way he talks to lightly about the situation makes you sick. Does he think so little of other people and their lives? Is that why he just demolished yours? You nod and look away. 

“Okay, let’s just do it then.” 

You follow him past the police cruisers and to the front door of the precinct. He enters with confidence, holding the door for you. He points you to the chairs along the wall and promises he won’t be long. You sit and watch him, arms crossed as he marches briskly up to the front desk, shielded by panels of plexi-glass. 

“Andy Barber,” he says as he gets his wallet out, “my client is here. She’s asked for her right to an attorney...” 

You shrink in the chair. You are small compared to him. Look at how sure he is. Of everything. Of himself. He has had a lifetime whereas yours is already over. You barely keep from breaking right there. You could just keel over and dissolve into a puddle of self-pity. 

Andy’s led behind the heavy metal door to the left of the desk and you turn your attention to the wall. You drift into a mindless trance. You don’t want to think. The time ticks by as you lean back, your head against the cold brick. 

The ambient noise of the station buzzes around you and fades into the background. The ceiling turns fuzzy in your vision and your body detaches from your mind. You just sit there, waiting. 

Your name carries across the lobby and you snap up, nearly tipping yourself out of the anchored chair. You stand up as Kara runs across the tiles and throws her arms around you. Andy walks calmly behind her, keeping a good breadth between them. 

“Oh my god! You saved me,” she releases you, her eyes tired and swollen. She’s still in her pajamas. You can only think of the chaos that consumed her the last day; of how frightened she must have been. “How?” 

“Uh...” you look at Andy then at Kara. “Family friend. I was so worried, Kara.” 

“You were? I was,” she squeals, “I can’t believe...” she stops herself and spins around, “Mr. Barber, thank you.” She scurries over to him and shakes his hand, “thank you so much.” 

“Well, you know, I owed her grandma a favour,” he smiles. 

“I know but... oh, I’m just happy to be out.” 

“Nothing at all,” he assures and sends you a smug smile. “Unfortunately, I do have to get back to my other clients, so...” he checks his watch. The way he plays his role so smoothly unsettles you. “You two have a good day. You got my number if you need anything else.” 

He struts off and you stand in uncertainty. Shit. You need to come up with a story. Ugh. Your purse buzzes as Kara turns to you and you reach into it. ‘Andy Barber has sent you money.’ Fucker. 

You exhale and do your best to smile, “crazy...” 

“Oh my god, you have no idea. It was so cold in there. They took my shoes!” She looks down at her fluffy slides, “or slippers.” 

“Jesus, Kara, that must’ve been so scary.” 

“Yeah, it was. I didn’t think... I... I can’t believe did all this.” 

“Er,” you glance over at the officers behind the counter, “let’s get out of here.” 

“Happily,” she agrees and skips past you to the door. 

As you come outside, she sighs and stretches her arms above her, “wait, how did you even get here?” 

“Andy drove me... but I have a bus ticket for the way back. Tonight.” 

The lies are too easy. You hate that. You don’t want to lie for him. 

“He’s so nice,” she says, “wow, I... I’m just still so fucked up about this.” 

“What about Calvin?” 

“Oh, he got out last night. His parents. Loaded,” she sniffs, “left me in there all by myself.” 

“Oh, Kar--” 

“Whatever,” she snarls, “I’m about done with him anyways.” You plod along, aimless as you follow her lead. “Wait, alright, wait,” she snaps her fingers, “girl, you never told me what happened with that guy.” 

You’re speechless. You don’t know what to say. Fuck. 

“The catfish? Some old creeper? Ew. Nasty.” 

“Right,” you murmur and clear your throat, “you know, I blocked him. Told him to get fucked.” That’s true, you did, it just didn’t work. “Ugh, the magic of technology, huh?” 

“Sure,” she says, “some men are so nasty. Most of them, I swear.” She huffs and yawns as she checks her phone. It’s all she has on her. “We can catch a bus on the next block. Oof, fuck Calvin, I’m getting me a sugar daddy. I can’t do this shit no more.” 

“Kara,” you groan. 

“What? Men don’t give a fuck. If I’m gonna get anything out of them, may as well be money,” she scoffs. 

“Kara,” you repeat as your stomach churns. You need to explain things, not the real things, but you need to give her a good story. She’s clever and you can’t leave the ends untied. “How about I buy us lunch?” 

“Oh fuck yeah, I’m starving,” she exclaims, “I couldn’t handle that shit they gave me. The egg salad smelled like feet.” 

“Mm, we can order to your place?” 

“Sure,” she smiles, “what time are you out of here?” 

“Bus doesn’t come til eleven,” you dart your eyes around. 

“What’s wrong with you? I mean, I know it’s been a weird ride but you’re not telling me something.” 

You stop by the sign for the bus. You look this way and that. Just say something. 

“I’m moving.” 

“Moving?” She echoes. 

“Yeah, um, my grandma, she’s kinda done with me,” you speak quietly, carefully, weighing every word, “I got a transfer to a different school and uh, they offered me a scholarship...” 

“Wow, you really sound excited,” she remarks dryly. 

“Well, it’s a big change,” you shrug, “I’m still... tryna figure it out.” 

“Of course. That’s huge. Is it far?” 

You nod. 

“Oh,” she hangs her head, “right. Yeah, that’s shitty. But good. Good,” she smiles and lifts her chin, “you need to get out on your own. Away from your grandma. It’ll be great.” 

“Yeah, I’m sure,” you agree softly. “But I’ll miss you.” 

“Miss you too but I mean we’re already in different towns, so what’s a few extra miles,” she says, “when do you leave?” 

You stare across the street and your eyes glaze with tears, “tomorrow.” 

[nanakah]

hello hello, I took the alien stage pill. howdy fellow sufferers

Honestly, my first reaction to basically everything was "awww, they come in sets and are all without exception horribly doomed no matter their specs (loops cool music and vids)"

I'd seen some of VIVINOS' team works without realizing it was the same artist (my favorites being Beloved and Otomeroid) so it was rather shocking to learn of a "series" with a fandom as active/relatively large as Alien Stage without ever actually stumbling upon it before...

Anyways. I like the concept, and Hyuna+Luka in particular, a whole lot. In spite of all the jokes about only yuri and yaoi losing, my spider sense says they'll get their turn of crashing horribly soon and I wanna stay here to witness it burn beautifully, of course.

TL;DR OMG HYULUKA IS SO DELICIOUS

general yapping about all alien stage duos under the cut and some Hyuna/Luka considerations and theories

disclaimer: long, chaotic post ahead - i wrote most of it during revenge bedtime procrastination so I'm kinda just rambling/discussing my general impressions and vibes here instead of formatting it nicely or properly illustrating my points. good luck if you choose to stick around and make yourself comfy

alien stage impressions under read more - also SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

funny thing - I got into alien stage completely by chance after checking out some related vids to my Love and Deepspace twitter spree and avoiding my responsibilities. Ivan's Black Sorrow made a very strong impression and I loved his eyes, so I kept going deeper down the rabbit role and felt fascinated by the web of dynamics between the characters each time I took in a little more of the plot.

(His eyes are so cool and expressive.....I was already loving everything prior and was excited to continue, but Ivan was definitely the one to sell me on the concept more strongly and eat up the rest.)

It was interesting seeing "love" portrayed under such dire conditions and I kept wondering how come the aliens are so stupid they chose a 1vs1 PVP combat format with their beloved pets instead of the optimal formation of idol units and at least duos versus each other to utilize their feelings of love. Why would they do that?

That first innocent musing made me realize how clever the team behind ALNST is. The whole thing seems to be operating as a metaphor/commentary about how predatory the real idol industry is (the concept of anakt garden really sounds like the average idol trainee camp experience and the bonds they form with their group mates) and how heartless guardian (parental) figures can be in a society that is heavily utilitarian and barely gives agency to either their own children or sentient beings like animals that we keep as pets.

So in that world, the sacrifices of being an idol are literal and humans themselves are "pets" - with all the implications that come with "being dependent on a species that does not properly comprehend them". At times, the way they refer to the fandom of each character even seems to be tongue in cheek as to how "we" too are watching the story for entertainment and making fanbases for each character and reacting like some of the in-universe alien fans.

Therefore, it's no brainer that the answer to my initial question was: aliens/Segyein don't understand how to utilize human bonds and emotions to their maximum efficiency in the first place. They know interaction between humans seems to be important and produces more beautiful songs. However, they probably experience those feelings differently and most of them are likely unable to truly empathize with human pain, ethics or feelings. (And believe me, even some people have a hard time believing other species benifit from socialization, so aliens being that way is understandable). Perhaps the awful acts of the Segyein mutilating their pet human is no different from pulling a butterfly's wings to a human or injecting colored fluid into a flower. The glimpses of their buildings and tv show that they have the same sort of "do they have rights?" feelings and similar moral conflicts to what we have in the real world about species we don't understand fully.

I think it's really challenging to analyze a work attempting to guess future developments when you don't know the creator too well. In spite of looping OTOMEROID I wouldn't say I know VIVINOS and her team deeply as an admirer. But from the overall tone of the videos in her channel, I could pick up on a fascination with "extremes" of emotion and exploring the hypocrisy of society. Human/animal experimentation and materialism/religion/consumerism are topics that come up often. Love is also hardly ever portrayed as a simple or benevolent feeling alone - there's unrequited love, obsession, insanity, many facets of that feeling on the channel. Some works are more straightforward and focus on the visual presentation, others seem to have a deeper story behind it.

The technical quality of the Alien Stage MVs is extremely impressive, I had a blast looking at the patreon storyboards and feeling like "wow, a person actually made this". It seriously got me inspired to feel like drawing more to get out of my own artblock and to pick up on old OCs to show them some love. In the era of AI, this is a joy to get to feel. It all definitely feels like a well-put together labor of love. I'm super weak to things brimming with passion like this, it's contagious!!!!

Now that I've tried my best to make an eloquent opening and act like I'm not at all just a fangirl foaming at the mouth with this intense concept (I keep crying that I wanna see either Aka or Ohkawa try their hand at a death game scenario) and at the sight of a tragic toxic duo with a backstory of a deeply rooted mutual obsession/love and fall out (wiping drool out of the corner of my mouth as we speak), let's talk a little more about the story. In order to make sense out of my ramblings and projections, let me explain my thoughts on the other duos besides my bias first.

Mizi and Sua set the tone to their universe as well as serve as an explanation as to why "idols" work well to represent their conflict and struggle - I'm fresh out of Oshi no Ko here, so this feels equal parts like a comfort zone and everything but comfortable and hellish to go over again. But, to put it briefly, the adoration of someone as an entertainer that you want to support also overlaps with the word reserved for adoring "an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship" - idol.

Humans, stripped of their power and autonomy after arrogantly believing they were superior to everyone else and were the only beings in the vast universe, have been subjugated by other species. Because of the bleak, unforgiving circumstances they were faced with afterwards, the surviving ones were turned into luxury pets and stripped of their freedom. Free will made them children of God before, so people have forgotten all about the "God" who couldn't answer their prayers/save them. But, as Mizi says, the belief in God is innate to human nature. You are more likely live in this world successfuly if you have someone to look up to or a reason to survive.

When God seems so far away and so cruel...what they can do is look to each other as their "Gods". Because a belief in God is ultimately, a cry for salvation and acceptance...."The Bible makes it clear that “God is love” (1 John 4:8). He isn't just loving, but he is the very definition of love."Therefore, all characters are, in some way, looking for salvation and being constantly tested and brutally being forced to show off their humanity through the lens of how love affects them - and not at the privacy of their inner thoughts or anything. All of that in order to portray different aspects of "love", adoration and what it means to be human. To have a belief on the unseen - "what is essential is invisible to the eye".

IT'S ALIEN AMERICAN IDOL MEETS DANGANRONPA. WHOO.

(gOD I wish we could have gotten Luka vs Sua or vs Ivan in some way. That feels like it would be extremely close and entertaining to see. Am I losing my humanity? Why is my keyboard slimy? Am I becoming a Segyein ....?)

Of course, because I fell for all those deliciously doomed themes like the good CLAMP/Akasaka foolish nerd I am, I bought patreon access day one. Although some setting details were unexpected, I was pretty satisfied with my overall initial grasp on most of the characters. If you found me through the tags and didn't already follow me, my disclaimer here so you get to know me is that I easily gravitate to polarizing characters or doomed ships like a curse. There are also certain Themes that follow me like a plague and I could see some of my favorite characters' shadows on the doomed kids I liked right away. Like an itch to spot something more to what is being shown.

Therefore right away, Luka and Hyuna caught my eye big time. (literally, when I watched sweet dream I kept pausing and going - whOA WHO IS THE COOL GIRL WITH THE CIG. Wait wait wait show me more of the boy that looks dead inside overstimulated by the flashing lights!)

I don't really have any pretension to be quoted on anything here or say things verbatim (Patreon says it's fine to produce derivative content based on what's there, but as expected, it's enforced not to directly share it so I can't really go argument-evidence here by presenting it) and have only seen pictures of the artbook secondhand by a friend, so I'll have my fun here making commentary loosely based on extra content and sporadically showing off pretty MV captures.

Anyway.

We're introduced to this universe through the jarring cruelty of ROUND 1, contrasting a harmonic, beautiful, lullaby-like melody with a harsh outcome. Like Mizi, unless we got spoiled beforehand, we don't really know anything about what's about to horrifically transpire. And though she got education, it feels like the teachings about what death or the Alien Stage would be like were horribly sugar coated or distorted to her, as incentive to give their best performances - like sacrificing themselves was a good thing. The extra materials back this up with Mizi's first interview about "My Clematis" - it's like they're told they're simply going back to their "origins" entity (The Grand Ankt) and it's a pretty and peaceful thing. We're shown how bad humans have it in their society and simultaneously get a montage of a cute, healthy, heartwarming relationship between the two girls and a deep "pure" love, as well as feel the weight of Sua's sacrifice and how badly it hurts Mizi. You're told that Sua is her God, her Universe in a Godless world - only to have her ripped away and "God" basically slaughtered for cheap entertainment. Some of the extra materials put it as a certain "mutual love" between Sua and Mizi.

It's interesting how we're shown a stage and don't know what to expect at first - since the girls seem "calm" and happy to express their love, but there's an increasing sense of dread until the finality of Sua's death hits and the pretty, shining girl we see in the flashbacks becomes an empty husk. The MVs seem all to be roughly designed around creating a surprise at the end or recontextualizing something we have seen previously.

I won't discuss Till and Ivan at length at this time, because that would get too long and demands it's own post (I sure as hell rewatched Unknown, Black Sorrow and Cure many times though), but the key part for me here is - they similarly express "love", but through another facet - obsession of a one-sided love and the desire to reach salvation or a reason to endure the world because of that, too. To the point of choosing the chance of love over salvation, expressed by Till letting go of Ivan's hand when they had a chance to escape (not wanting to leave Mizi behind most likely) and Ivan's kiss and decision to strangle Till to give his own life in exchange for his/finally getting to express his "shallow emotions" he perceives as something that won't deeply scar Till (but it does, and it mattered, far more than he could ever have known). It's interesting that although Mizi calls Sua a God, they develop something closer to a balanced, mutual relationship, as much as their lack of understanding of "human relationship" allows - they connect deeply. Ivan, according to the comics, sees himself in Sua, but it's deeply frustrating how he couldn't build the same sort of connection with Till and felt like he could only maintain a bond through violence.

Mizi seems to be the only human who was raised in a "stable home" (her alien seems to actually love her closest to a mother), but that's not enough to protect her from pain - after all, the alien's reasoning was that if Mizi likes singing, she should join. Yolo! Your human baby's life is so short! Sounds like outdoor cat owners to me. Ugh. All other pet humans are going through some flavor of parental abuse, and it all reflects in how they express their emotions and what sort of decisions they tend to take.

Till, in contrast to all that, more closely resembles the definition of looking at Mizi like an oshi/idol as a comfort to run from the pains of his life - he always looks hurt or abused, but Mizi is like medicine that even watching from far away makes him feel "saved" due to nurturing that "first love" that is heavily idealized. It's interesting how his character that is first introduced as somewhat violent or wild because of the smashing guitar and "addict"/drug imagery turns out to be one of the most sensitive.

The cloaked figure of Mizi in Blink Gone seems to resemble a saint or Mary (mother) holding a child in her lap as he takes his last breaths. She rushed into the crowd in a desperate attempt to save or at least comfort him in his predicament. Till's final position even resembles that of being crucified.

All that, however, makes Till unable to see Ivan properly - who is constantly around him and yearning for his attention, protecting and loving him in desperate ways that he doesn't realize until the very last minute. He is also seemingly detaching himself from the "real" world as a very "pure" child (shown in the way he loves with full devotion and his artistic inclinations), which of course, makes Ivan painful to face - who is a grounding entity and a reminder of the real world. The one who touches his wounds, who is "there" and not unreachable like a flower at the top of a mountain. That love between Ivan and Till got expressed in a way that was painful to both, but a very human act of a clashing selfish and selfless-ness.

None of them are built for this. They're trying to survive.

So far, what I've got is...Mizi and Sua set a standard of what is closest to a mutual love that was growing together in a relatively equal and healthy way. Ivan and Till were reworked to avoid overlap with them and are chosen to portray the sense of an immature, obsessive love and clashing emotions. It's interesting to me how much the creators stress the "one-sided" and controlling nature of Ivan for behind the scenes, and I feel like this does not mean that Till couldn't possibly return his feelings - after all, the Actor AU does show great chemistry between them. It's more like, within their living conditions and because of the emotional immaturity of both of them, they literally could not see eye to eye - Till looking at an idol out of reach (Mizi), and Ivan choosing to seek out his attention through violent means that confused Till, thus he was unable to respond to the intensity of what he felt and grow into it.

NOW. TO THE MAIN COURSE THAT IS ROTTING MY BRAIN: HYULUKA.

If we've got all those bases covered so far...where does that leave Hyuna and Luka?

(This is the most Mello/Near-like I've ever seen another ship pull off. My inner 13 yo is screaming. They're both incredibly gorgeous. How is a hetero couple simultaneously so BL and yuri-like in DRAMA AND IMAGERY? CLAMP would be proud...)

You see, there's no official answer about the true nature of their bond yet.

But I have a lot of speculations. It clearly looks like a rotten, strangled-by-the-red-string-of-fate sort bond that is just up my alley. THE MOST FUN IS GETTING TO BABBLE BEFORE GETTING AN ASSERTIVE ANSWER. I'm all for making a fool of myself, so let's get down to it.

To put it simply - I believe Hyuna and Luka's role is expressing the extremes of the setting itself and what "to love" means within it, with a turn for the worse and the tragedy of "not understanding" even if there is love.

How do you conquer an oppressive world in which all odds are against you? Would you overtake it through rebellion or would you strike at it from within?

In a world in which God's teachings have become lost to time and difficult to believe, does love strengthen or weaken you? If it causes pain and destruction, can it still be called love?

I think Hyuna and Luka are standing at opposite sides of those beliefs, and cannot understand each other's mindset.

Seems simple enough to write Luka as a mere villain final boss since he seems to be enjoying himself at the evil death game and Hyuna as the nice rebel who wants to save everyone, right? But it's confirmed Hyuna wasn't really trying to rescue more people like she had an opportune moment to do for Mizi.

The artbook also says something incredibly interesting about what the "Luka Syndrome" mentioned in one of the MVs really means - Luka's prestige as a performer is raising the prestige of pet humans. He also believes "Hyuna would be safe with him" - Why is that?

I think they might actually have similar goals and a similar stubborness in which they believe themselves to be the correct one and the other to be pitiful and foolish. Hyuna is trying to overthrow a system that is well-established and has far more power or influence than them, therefore she needs to resort to drastic measures and flashy means to assert dominance over the alien society.

Luka on the other hand, feels like he is using the system against it and exercising his own humanity while at it. Rather than tackling the incredibly daunting task of being a rebel with guns blazing, Luka became a master of the stage in a way that makes humans gain influence and thus become more valuable.Even if I try to think of it as "he's just trying to survive", that doesn't feel enough - because whenever he is not on stage, Luka looks dead inside already.

Especially in the arts he looks like a younger child or teenager, except for the ones after he seems more consistently approached by Hyuna. It's hard for me to think what moves him is a survival instinct. He is also portrayed like the typical "golden kid" syndrome victim - someone so systematically beaten to satisfy their narcissist guardian figure and submitted to so much pain that they eventually absorb part of that mindset as a way to have agency and autonomy over themselves. It gives the illusion of being successful and thus that the abuse was "effective", but it's like a curse that is difficult to break from.

I think both of them are older for a thematic reason. It feels like it could represent what it feels like, as adults, to no longer be able to hold onto naive or idealistic things about the world or society due to ignorance and having to choose a path to express your ideas and reach your goals through your "work".

Hyuna is guns blazing and "adult pleasures" - singing to an underground stage, trying to scrub off the wounds of her past with alcohol, and it's interesting that her guardian alien is portrayed like an "absent" parent figure - they have an interest in humans, but doesn't care about watching Hyuna when she first was eligible for Alien Stage. I wonder if they even are the one looking for her at all - seems to me it's more of an alien police thing because of her "crimes". Under that seemingly "thick" skin though, it seems clear that Hyuna is deeply affected by Luka still, and the loss of her brother. She deals with her wounds by not really dealing with them at all and guess what - it's a weak point. Her song is uplifting and refreshing, but she clearly demonstrates that closing your eyes to trauma and purely moving forward doesn't make them go away. In that sense, Mizi is a way she is trying to "mentor" someone navigate through loss.

I love outcasts and mildly autistic-coded characters, so I gravitated to Sua, Ivan and Luka right away.

(Extroverted cutie and the doomest doomer of the bunch. As a side note, their character design alone and contrast is genius and gorgeous. I'd expect 90% of the time for Luka to be the designated BL character and hardly do I ever see his archetype paired with the sort of sharp, striking beauty that Hyuna has so I definitely got giddy with them right away. She reminds me a lot of Michiko Malando and Luka reminds me of Near, two characters I love a whole lot and funnily enough have the same mbti types the artbook describes them as - ESTP and INTJ. Ankt garden Luka looks somewhat closer to the AU versions of Luka, so gotta love both his origins and his twisted post-alnst/hyuun woo self)

I believe Hyuna bundles Luka with that trauma of grief and loss, and it's still unclear what their roles are in it and after the fact. While singing all in verses "We only get one life, so I'm living mine for me/'Cause I'm the one from your wildest dreams", Luka's face flashes through Hyuna's mind before even her brothers, like it's something that's always on the back of it and barely suppressed.

See...since VIVINOS loves the "more than meets the eye"/twist concept, something I'm expecting is for Hyuna's feelings not to be as black and white as blaming Luka and actually. It obviously was dysfunctional and isn't that....delicious???

I feel like a one-sided love or obsession wouldn't make sense to repeat as themes, and because of the heavy trauma associated in the backstory, it's not like a "healthy mutual love". To bridge the themes of MiziSua and IvanTill, I think Hyuna and Luka are being told in a way to express love as something that can also destroy instead of save, and their clashing ideologies come from a place of wanting to think "-I'M- right and want to be your god", instead of ever having been able to understand each other properly.

They have a similarly "corrupt" love that has a lot of guilt and regret built into it. Even with something awful as what happened to her brother, it's curious that Hyuna's mind first thinks of Luka in an "enamored" light - the scene looks pretty tender - but that's also attached to the weight of Hyun Woo's death.

I think It's likely that the twist is Hyuna having been the one who hurt her brother, even, considering the dynamic in these comics:

Luka and Hyun Woo compete for Hyuna's attention, and it's to be expected that none of them understand the boundaries and definitions of love too well. Hyuna and Hyun Woo seem to be naive and relatively raised in a decent way, submitted to superiority tests like the rest, but not directly abused. They seem to express their love for each other in a cheerful, healthy way, Hyuna probably because of her closeness to her brother (which is unusual for other pet humans to be able to do) is extremely physical in how she shows affection. She doesn't really reprimand Luka, and that creates an unhealthy dynamic in which Luka plays the victim - in spite of starting things - to enjoy Hyuna's attention. There is a cute comic that looks silly, but encapsulates it all:

Luka is a little shit that wants to be pampered. He knows he is physically weaker - if you come across a rabbit being hurt by a wolf, you wouldn't suspect the rabbit provoked it. So Hyuna constantly seems to take Luka's side regardless of what happened, wanting to have that protector role.

Luka on the other hand, has no reference of what it's like to be "loved". He is systematically abused and treated like an object - therefore, he perceives relationships in terms of "ownership". And I don't think Hyuna truly understands just what she is enabling when she encourages Luka to act the way he does or thinks his neediness is "cute".

Honestly, I think there's strong sexual abuse imagery in Luka's art and the presentation of his stage image as someone taking charge of their objectification. His clothing for stage always shows off his body one way or another and both Hyuna and him have this sensual imagery and approach to others, as if "reclaiming one's own body". The contrast of Luka's blank expression and the red collar indicating a mental breakdown in that artwork above featuring Heperu's shadow approaching him is truly chilling.

That boy has no reference of what a familial bond or love is like. And both his introspective nature and abuse seem to make it even worse for him to connect with his peers- in the artbook his only relationships listed are Hyuna and Mizi, in very negative ways. He is also said to have retreated deeper into his own world, because "no one can understand him". Again, checks out with the imagery of "gifted son" that is treated like a narcissistic parent's doll and that becomes desensitized to many things over time.

His alien guardian Heperu even looks vaguely phallic and Luka has body language of "trying to disappear" or soothing himself when not up the stage - hugging knees, looking smaller, sucking on sleeves, stimming with toys (rubik's cube). The scars on his chest seem related to the abuse of submitting him to pain to overcome fear and I theorize the scars on the side may have been for plastic surgery like abdominoplasty or even possibly removing ribs. Normally that would be done from the back, but hey - alien science, and he already had "tainted" scarred skin on the front, so it would make sense to try preserving his back. His waist is drawn really really thin. It's also mentioned that he had a strict diet even though he is a big eater - that is, Heperu is deeply violating his agency in accordance with Lookism.

Luka has all the makings of a really tragic character and reminds me of Kamiki Hikaru's construction in Oshi no Ko. A victim turned abuser in some ways, as a way to seek autonomy, self expression and living for their ideals and love, no matter how twisted it has become.

There's a comic that has a "flashback" of anakt garden and Hyuna being asked by Luka if she likes to sing. The POV of Hyuna's face looks as soft as Luka's does from hers. She tells him that they don't have freedom for anything else, but when she is up at the stage, it's like her life is "her own", so she likes it. The image of Luka singing as an adult suggests that even now, those are the words he pictures and that is the image of Hyuna that is alive in his mind.

In a way, both of them are deeply attached to the past, and while Hyuna wants to shut it down completely and regrets it having happened, Luka's feelings are twisted.

We don't know much about the kiss. Considering the "sucking on forehead" comics, I get the feeling Hyuna was startled by the sudden escalation from Luka acting as a passive, cute pet and jumping her with so much intensity, but may not necessarily have pushed him away. The following fight could either have happened because Hyuna became withdrawn as a result of suddenly becoming aware of the effect she was having on Luka and what their feelings for each other were (since previously, she might not have been able to tell the difference between being all over her brother and all over Luka) /or/ the scenario played out like the forehead sucking. She didn't dislike it, but Luka became insistent or they got caught in a way that Hyuun Woo had no context for, thus assuming Luka was forcing her.

And there is a third option too that now I think about it, seems the /most/ likely: the growing proximity to Hyuna made Luka's feelings of "wanting ownership and exclusivity" even deeper because of love and lust, as simply being assured he is "loved" doesn't seem to be enough for Luka. It could be that Hyuna in fact disliked his attempt of kissing her and became more distant to him. Thus, he orchestrated for Hyuna to take his side once again for validation in a reckless way - but the results were "better than he thought" when it resulted in Hyuun Woo's death. Because, that is a price so heavy that it feels like "wow, you actually chose me".

This scene is super interesting, I love Luka's expression. It's joyful in a "perverse" way. He was successful in trapping his beloved Hyuna. And it seems that the emotion is so intense, like he is finally free from the mask of pitiful wounded animal with no agency over himself that the sheer ecstasy might have caused a seizure or heart attack, hence his eyes looking glassy afterwards and his fingers finally turning the blue/purple hue we see on his older design.

Skimming through the patreon posts, I was pleasantly surprised to realize my gut feeling about Ivan and Luka having a similar core wasn't wrong. Sua in comparison is the scenario of someone who doesn't go off to the deep end as the two of them. It's often stressed that the team was worried about establishing Luka and Ivan as distinguishable - their personalities are similar, but their masks are different. Ivan presents himself as the "big bro", while actually being a boy struggling with properly expressing emotions that went as far as practicing smiles and expresions at the lake. Whereas Luka is like a porcelain doll and passive - austere, even...but what about his real self?

We're cleverly prevented from seeing an introductory MV for Luka, as round 4 doesn't happen. And for the subsequent videos, Luka shows himself partially by not disclosing his POV, but showing important sides of himself - the urge to control and the attempts to "become whatever is desired of him". A blank slate.

In a sense, that's implying to me Ivan and Luka's stage presence is an expression of their "inner selves", where their feelings and thoughts become bare. Ivan does so by casting aside his big bro warmth and stepping in as the image of a serious-faced, strongly devoted man that is coming apart at the seams with the weight of his immaturity, sadness, love and obsession.

Luka's stage presence is a distant cry from his image of passiveness and class behind the scenes. On stage, he is a seasoned performer and a calculating prince that enjoys pulling the strings to reach the ideal performance as seen in his inner world. He cunningly displays a different expression between the audience and his partners to achieve the ideal results. Luka acts like both a director and an actor while performing, in order to construct his vision - He's bold, confident and invades people's personal spaces.

(What a condescending little shit. I love him. His expression seems to be saying something like..."Done already? Hmph. I expected more of you. You need to do something for me to do my part and shine, too."

A point I theorize about Ruler of My Heart - Hyuna says in the artbook, I think, that Mizi reminds her of herself. Luka would be able to pick up on that also, especially since Mizi had just been broken by the loss of the one she loved most and formerly had that spark of "hope and dreaming high" in her eyes. Luka may have chosen the song specifically to have Mizi recreate the "role of Hyuna" envisioned for it - as in, he never expected her to be obedient at all. He was riling her up to feel what Hyuna might have responded like to this song. But the Hyuna in his idealization is probably "blazing, absolute and strong" - instead of shutting down and giving up singing. Mizi lets herself get intimidated by his provocation into silence, but when she loses it to punch him in the face with no regard for the consequences - like Hyuna surely would do - is when he finally smirks. It's also a mockery of letting emotions take her over, securing his win and further reinforcing he is "in the right". )

Another interesting tidbit is that Luka's personality isn't of the ethereal "pitiful-but-nice" character, but rather something that "fits VIVINOS taste". He is also compared frequently to Ivan in personality/mindset, who is described as a "bad boy" with a possessive/manipulative streak. If the sides of Ivan we get to see that related to Till are fairly tame and the team worries so much about contrast, that seems to imply that Luka embraces the more extreme parts left out of Ivan.

Even more interesting than that is the core of Luka's character inspiration - "the little prince", which I assume most people have read before. It's a children's book about an adult meeting a little prince from space and basically sharing life lessons.

If we look a little beyond the "cute blond kid"/moon motif...the most striking aspect about the Little Prince is probably the idea of the rose and the fox. The immature prince is taught the concept of love and responsibility by a wild fox - that to tame someone is to make them unique, and it's the time spent nurturing that love that makes it precious. The prince had been frustrated by a Rose he thought he loved, but grew annoyed by because he could not understand her. He also was confused upon realizing there were many roses in the universe, but his was too selfish and flawed. So is she not as unique as he thought? He starts missing the rose, and learns that there IS a difference - none of the roses are "his" or sound like "his" - because if they have tamed each other, going forward, he isn't just any little boy to his rose anymore - he is "the" boy, and she is "the" rose, unique in the universe.

This feels extremely relevant to a character presented as a "product" of gene editing and, basically, being created in a lab. The implication to me is that there may be many other "Luka"-like humans - the vast array of congenital diseases he manifests such as heart disease, Raynaud syndrome, asthma and chronic migraine all make him sound like their universe's equivalent of a white pug dog with dubious origins to boot.

What makes that test tube baby, raised by a ruthless alien that doesn't care about him as more than a way to vicariously live a life of success and luxury, unique in that case?

Love.

And my take is that, the fox and rose to his little prince are the siblings Hyun Woo and Hyuna.

(I'm suddenly reminded of the Vanitas no Carte Louis-Domi-Noé trio. Why do those never end well?)

IMO the rift created between Hyuna's brother and Luka wasn't necessarily there from the start. Before getting more strongly attached or opening up to Hyuna, Luka looks extremely detached. Hyuna's brother looked like the picture of excitement and youth, so it feels like he could have reached out to the quiet boy first and Hyuna tagged along. The settings mention something along the lines of Hyuna not quite being the origin of the "dreamer" outlook, but being inspired by her brother, and I can picture it.

Hyuna's MV All in and her relationship with Mizi painted to me the picture of a girl that is naturally attractive - her drive and sunny disposition are simply dazzling. But, underneath, there seems to be "something" doesn't it? I think Hyuna's charm comes from a mix of strength and vulnerability. She seems like the type of person to cope with humor and being flirty in order to lift people's moods and surprise them, but Hyuna herself can have quite heavy and serious feelings. The somber look suits her, and it's overall impressive that she didn't completely break because of her brother. It's like her innate talent for performing draws people to her, but at the same time she can sustain an illusion of "closeness", her true worries and wounds are kept deep inside and she doesn't let others truly see into her.

So.

What's shown in Blink Gone to me is that Luka's not merely surviving a death game, he is enjoying the show and trying to feel alive. To someone like him that probably already feels dead inside all the time and was "abandoned" by Hyuna, there is nothing much to look forward to. We don't know what happened between Hyuun Woo's death and their first alien stage run (quite a lot, since Hyuna even lost a leg) ot the timing of their relationship fall out. Given their memories and image of eachother, it does seem to be implied they were already going separate ways right after the incident.

It's likely that what connects Luka to Hyuna's memory the most is the feeling of performing itself - the one time he gets to be free. Luka acts like he is superior to the other pet humans for having "figured out" the system and feeding into it, and looks down on them for having no control over their emotions. But does he really have total control over his own?

In spite of all the abuse he embraced as his own will or believing he could truly get any power by playing the game according to its rules and "overcoming fear", someone as unpredictable and impulsive as Till is the natural enemy of someone like Luka. He had the upper hand as long as it stayed within his plan, but Till suddenly going as far as going back to the green light indicator was worrisome. Luka's Stamina is actually rather crappy, so if Till did decide to go all out, he might have been cooked.

I think, to Luka, it's probably about more than keeping himself alive. And Till flipping the game then would have made him waste his life on a performance that was supposed to be easy -and- it must be annoying that Till strayed off-script. My hypothesis is that he wants to reach out to Hyuna, still - either by increasing the influence of humans to shift the world closer to the one she envisioned, or by putting his life in the line at the stage as many times as possible to feel the "weight" of her presence as if she still were by his side or to grow so famous that she cannot ignore or escape him.

Deliciously hypocritical of him to look down on others so much, when Hyuna's unannounced presence shook him so badly he turned his back to the stage and stared at her with an expression we'd never seen before.

My take is that her walking in like this is seriously the worst scenario to him. Luka expresses in the artbook that he pities Hyuna and that her safety would have been guaranteed with him, so - because of his influence - I think he might actually have gone to the Alien Stage again to secure his power status AND request to keep Hyuna out of it. A condescending sort of domestication we know she would hate, but would keep her safe.

But see. Even if she wasn't under his care, being out there causing a ruckus is one thing - she's alive and kicking, not really in the slaughterhouse. He can live with that. So, he sings to his heart's content. And...

His sneering that people are suuuch rookies at controlling their emotions...

Sooo weak to let their emotions and regrets dominate them and make them lose sight of the stage, compared to his Super Competent self that can overcome fear and control his own heart rate...

All came back to bite him in the ass, like an idiot.

All other characters were pitted against their worst case nightmare scenario, and I doubt the Prince will be an exception. I really don't think his type of obsessive is wanting to be superior to or beat Hyuna at performing either, even if it's his guardian's mindset (it seems Heperu feels inferior to Hyuna's guardian and adopted Luka simply as a means of beating him - so seems very possible he will push for having the two face off and prove Luka's "superiority").

No matter what he does now, it's either Hyuna against Mizi at the risk of death or Hyuna against him. Hyuna's a wanted criminal - there is absolutely no talking a way out of that one. Not only that, Hyuna's bleeding from her wound already. Luka facing against Hyuna as the second time champion would mean being forced to choose - keep rulling the stage, or chose the one who was his guiding light in the first place?

The imagery from the sweet dream opening (as well as Luka having covered that song) is "release" - Luka dying at Hyuna's hand even if it's not something she can truly do with pleasure, no matter how much she copes with her past wounds by hating him. I wonder if it's a red herring or if it will play out, I particularly want whatever will allow to explore their character, feelings and motivation the deepest.

I don't think Hyuna wandered onto the stage for his sake - it seems like it's for Mizi, who is completely frozen. Hyuna probably has up until now coped with hating Luka because he represented everything she was rebelling against - the "system" itself. A nasty cog in the engine of the aliens who, even if not directly, ultimately were the cause of the entire context that stripped her away of her freedom and lead to her precious brother's death.

However...

My guess to what's happening here isn't "wow your outfit is so slutty" or "you've grown". It's more like...Luka suddenly looks too human.

He wasn't supposed to.

...Phew. That's all for now. The ADHD gets strong when I'm talking about something that tickles my brain, so I hope that wasn't too messy/unintelligible to follow with the back and forth jumping timelines or repeating points of interest I did.

Well! I really, really wish there was more for me to keep going, but for now I'll live with overthinking with what we have. I might do separate analysis/speculation for the MVs if I have a deadline I'm procrastinating on come up the time.

Bottom line is, I think all those characters are very interesting, but Hyuluka are the ones I'm rotating like a rotisserie chicken in my mind. Plz hurt me more VIVINOS team and thanks for the good fucking food

[acti-veg]

I have some horrible news to vegans, there's actually alot of non-vegan/animal products used in building houses :(

alot of the more "non-toxic" and eco friendly installation is actually wool, shellac is used to seal and stop woods from scratching and drying out, animal fats and such are used in resins and sealants.

not to mention more I don't even know.

so if your building a house (I doubt) you will probably want to know this.

I'm so sorry for this sad PSA

Ah don’t worry, I don't think you'll encounter many vegans who don't already know that many of the products we use in our daily lives involve animal exploitation. That is part of the reason why veganism is defined the way it is. Your car, your home, your job, your medications, your furniture - it is near impossible to live a lifestyle that is truly cruelty free. Vegans avoid exploitation as far is possible and practicable.

The fact that we can't reasonably avoid all animal products is a problem for vegans since we reject animal exploitation, but it's not something that in some way makes veganism impossible, or makes vegans hypocrites. We are not dogmatic, our ideology is actually very sensible and flexible. If there is no viable option for an item or a process that is realistically a necessity, then you go for the best option you can. That's not only true of veganism, it's also true of just trying to make ethical choices in general.

There is no need to be sorry, anon, you're not telling vegans anything that we don't already know. Pointing this out is not going to make us feel bad about the choices that aren't ours to make. We live in a non-vegan world where the exploitation and abuse of animals is ubiquitous in all facets of our lives, which is precisely what makes our animal rights advocacy so important.

Thank you for raising awareness for the cause though, take care of yourself!

[thepurplewombat]

The Sin List

okay, so as we all know, it is vitally important that any character we stan must be morally pure and a good example to emulate in real life.

So I have decided to create a list of MDZS characters and their sins, which everyone can easily refer to in order to make sure that they are not following some horrible criminal or murderer!

This was a lot of work, but I'm very proud of it. Just doing my bit to ensure the moral purity of the fandom!

Wei Wuxian - Necromancy, disrespecting his elders, disrespecting the dead, killed Jin Zixuan, punched Jin Zixuan in the face one time, cannibalism, mind control, deviant sexual fantasies, trespassing, oath-breaking, urged Wen Qing to perform untested and possibly fatal operation on Jiang Cheng without his consent.

Lan Wangji - Defied his elders, broke the Lan Clan rules, sexually assaulted Wei Wuxian, deviant sexual fantasies, GBH (JGY)

Jin Guangyao - betrayed and killed Wen Ruohan, betrayed and killed Jin Guangshan, murder (NMJ), murdered assorted people, disrespecting the dead, assorted Spy Things for Wen Ruohan.

Nie Mingjue - Killed a lot of people during the war, verbally abused Nie Huaisang, burned Nie Huaisang's stuff, attempted murder (JGY), attempted murder (JGY), attempted murder (JGY), murder (JGY), killed the Mo family (well, his arm did anyway). In favor of the genocide of the Wen Remnants

Jin Guanshan: Sexual assault, rape, murder, ordering human experimentation with resentful energy to be done by his sect, played both sides during the war, didn't take responsibility for his children, ultimately responsible for getting WWX killed because he wanted the YTT so bad

Wen Ruohan: Attempted world domination, murder etc

Lan Qiren: has a stick up his ass

Su Minshan: Refused to die for the Lan, supported JGY in his efforts to prevent undead Da-ge from killing him. Also cursed Jin Zixun.

Sect Leader Yao: Weathervane politician

Jiang Wanyin: strangled Wei Wuxian that one time, keeps trying to talk to him but is way too tsundere about it, killed many during the war, didn't immediately forgive WWX for getting JYL killed, threatens to break Jin Ling's legs weekly.

Jin Ling: rude. rude rude rude. Also stabbed WWx one time

Lan Jingyi: not respecting his elders, rude rude rude. Also loud

JFM: shit dad, throw him in a volcano

Madame Yu: Angry mom, beat Wei Wuxian for things that weren't his fault, yelled at JC a lot, didn't appreciate JYL, very mean.

Lan Xichen: killed people during the war. Randomly starts doing flute solos in conversation

Meng Shi: was a prostitute. Told Meng Yao his dad was amazing and he should totally look him up later.

Madam Jin: awful person, she can go into the volcano with JFM. physical and verbal abuse (JGY)

Nie Huaisang: killed cats, nearly killed the juniors, let his sect fall into ruin, traded obscene materials, disrespecting his sect's traditions, lied to Lan Xichen to make him kill JGY

Wen Qing: went along with WRH's plans, performed surgery on JC without his consent

Wen Ning: Was part of the burning of LP

Mo Xuanyu: Summoned Satan to murder his relatives, harassed his brother

Jin Zixun: asshole, rude, broke the Geneva Convention on the ethical treatment of prisoners several times. Useless person

FOR THE SAKE OF SAFETY AND YOUR MORALS YOU ARE ONLY ALLOWED TO STAN THE FOLLOWING CHARACTERS

Jiang Yanli

Qin Su

Lan Shizui

[solahsaavan]

Some of the criticism of the show is valid and some of it is just...people lacking any sort of nuance or comprehension skills.

1) "They are stupid and irresponsible for being together in the public". Yes, but also the public doesn't know ji han is a chaebol and ah jeung is a no name actress. The public also doesn't know who Dohan's financee is. Only the wedding has been announced. It's not surprising at all that the two dumbasses thought they could be together without being seen. Ji han has no reason to believe his step siblings would send a reporter after him knowing it's Dohan's position they are after. Something so obvious shouldn't be have to be spelled out by the writers for you lot.

2) "How could that bitxh Ah jeong have the audacity to have feelings that don't revolve around Dohan? She should have continued being miserable and uncomfortable because it is only Dohan's safety and comfort that matters." No woman should put herself through so much pain for another man not even for her gay best friend. If you want to watch women make decisions centered around their relationship with a man then plenty of shitty BLS and works by incels with one dimensional fl characters exist.

3) Dohan, ji ahn and ah jeong are flawed human beings. None of their mistakes deprive them of their humanity and their right to love and be loved.

4) kdrama viewers have a meltdown every time a character makes decisions that are not the most ethically, culturally or rationally correct. It's not bad writing if a character makes a terrible choice CONSISTENT with their character.

5) But the outrage is always more loud for a FEMALE character every single fucking time. Like clockwork. Not only are you guys consistently boring with the demand for characters to stay conventional but also consistently MISOGYNISTIC.

6) Both ji han and ah jeong fought their feelings for each other before finally giving in. It wasn't immediate. They both are clearly guilty. Both of them wanted to talk to Dohan about this. He was the first person they wanted to talk to. He was on their minds on the date too.They only went out together as a couple to a STRANGE PLACE for ONE DAY where they thought they would be safe. Why are people acting like they have been hiding their relationship for ages? They didn't even get the chance to be public yet. NO, THEM ROAMING IN A STRANGE PLACE DOESN'T COUNT AS PUBLIC BECUASE NO ONE AROUND THEM KNOWS.

7) MEDIA SHOULD NEVER CATER TO YOUR MORALES OR FEELINGS. This world consists of average people who make horrible choices and who hurt themselves and others. I like watching them on screen. Hope more kdramas are courageous enough to experiment with genuine character flaws that aren't just being 'quirky' or a 'tsundere'.

8) None of the characters one this show are 'morally dubious or gray'. They just are people with flaws. Idk maybe read a book or two or watch peaky blinders.

[rosinkreutz]

PLEEAAASEEEE elaborate on ur thoughts abt RK and R# that’s so fascinating. if u feel up to it ofc

This made me go back and look at Asuka's arcade mode transcript, which made me notice something interesting with the writing but I'll get back to it later. Also, for the record, R# is in fact the only clone. All the people RK fights in the arcade mode are a simulations created by R#, including the final boss. So, in typical Asuka fashion, RK does not tell R# why he made him, and R# naturally wonders the meaning for his existence. He comes up with a few ideas. RK says it's because he wanted to see if he could make a perfect lifeform after seeing ABA and the Valentine sisters (what about Jackie...?). R# figures it's because RK was lonely after not seeing another living person for months. Both of these aren't wrong, but they don't get to the bottom of it. This leads R# to the following: His hypotheses. R# never says directly what they are, but does they involve the facts that R# likes himself and RK does not. These are both the true reasons for R#'s existence. RK wants to commit suicide, but feels like he can't because he has a duty to the world. So, he makes R#, a "better" version of himself to be his replacement. On the first point, if you're looking for any proof, see the following: 1.) Most obviously, this line from R#: "But at least tell me you'll keep walking. Even if you lose your way. As long as one person out there cares about you… It's worth it just to try to keep them happy." 2.) RK literally has to fight for his life against himself at the end of the arcade mode. 3.) R# is wearing the color scheme that has been synonymous with RK throughout the entirety of Guilty Gear, because RK intends for R# to be the "new" Asuka. But the point of Asuka's arcade mode isn't just R# trying to save RK, it's R# trying to show RK that he can't just rip out the parts of himself that he doesn't like. It harkons back to one of GG's big themes of self-actualization and one's sense of self. RK deliberately makes R# to be chatty, friendly, and to like himself, but goes on to be continuously surprised throughout the arcade mode that R# acts like a different person and not just "me but better". Because RK doesn't want to face himself, he doesn't want to self-reflect and comes to terms with who he is, he just wants to tear it apart and be done with everything. The point R# is trying to make is that there is no "me but better". It's just him. If he's going to keep living, RK needs to accept all parts of himself, no matter how horrible he thinks they are. Which isn't to say that RK can't change, it just means he can't deny that parts of himself exist. After all, RK has spent pretty much 90% of his entire 200 or so years of life playing the role of a monster. He says in story mode that he's pretty much never done anything for himself. There's things that he likes and dislikes, but beyond that, he has no idea who he actually is. (In regards to the interesting thing I noticed- It's R# that uses the words "ethically bankrupt monster". RK just says "pathetic ineffectual nerd" to describe himself. Which feels like it should be the opposite in terms of severity. It might just go back to RK's rejection of himself, but it's not like RK isn't acutely aware of the first thing, and he obviously knows very well that it's the reason he wants to die and not the nerd thing. My theory is that he just thinks that he still has the mindset of the ends justifying the means, no matter the cost. He still feels like he needs to take care of the world, but just doesn't see a way that can always be done with a moral lens. Hence R# not having morals. Yeah he's doing it from a distance now with his radio show, but if a large Universal Will-level threat were to show up again, I highly doubt he'd just sit there. So, he wanted R# to have an easier time making the necessary decisions and not being tormented with them later.)

[nynyhaha]

Neon Nostrade and the naivety of evil

Neon is hated on by both Chrollos and Kurapikas stans.And I never really liked her as well,tho I don’t think she deserves the hate.As a character,she’s actually brilliant!

She sure is naive.But she’s not evil.She actually shows a wish to help people.I wonder if she’s aware what kind of people she’s helping with her ability,but I doubt it.

As someone who loves finding bones in the wild and making necklaces from them,who is interested in the way human remains look,I have to remind myself not to be like neon.

Because to her,the scarlet eyes are just a fun accessory.A part of the yorknew arc I overlooked when first watching HxH was the way her whole essence affects Kurapika distructively.

Kurapika is breaking his moral compass as he allies himself with such a brutal organisation as the Nostrade family.Yet his job is rather harmless:protecting the Bosses teenage daughter.

Someone who is naive,spoiled and throws tantrums,but not someone who’s a bad person.I believe that Kurapika really wanted to protect her and keep her safe.

But she’s the customer. She is on the demand end,Chrollo does the supply,and Kurapikas family is the product

I don’t know why the troupe murdered the Kurta clan.But I know they sold their eyes because there were people willing to buy them.If not for people like her,the Kurta eyes wouldn’t even be on the black market.People who harvest human eyes and sell them are worthy of Kurapikas wrath,but people who buy those eyes and create the demand should be too.

Remember how Kurapika and Melody had to obtain body parts so they would be hired?Well,how do we know those body parts were ethically sourced?

What gives Neon the confidence,that the eyes aren’t from someone who was killed for them? But she doesn’t ask that question.

I doubt she knows how they were gathered,but she doesn’t know because she doesn’t even THINK about it.

That is sociopathic behaviour,but just like it’s normalised to eat meat in our society without thinking much where it comes from(I am myself guilty of that but I don’t feel guilt)in the world Neon grew up in,the history behind the desired treasure is not relevant.

This is also so interesting because out of Kurapika,Chrollo and Neon,Neon is the most innocent.

Kurapika is going down a dark path of working with the Mafia such as Neons father and actually killing someone.Chrollo is the reason for that.And who is on the other end of Kurapikas loss and Chrollo’s crimes?

A cute little girl.She hasn’t ever killed anybody.She’s valued by her father just for her ability.She wants some independence so she goes out and talks to Chrollo.

The phantom troupe turns out to be more human than Kurapika could’ve ever imagined.That results in him questioning his worldview where only the most evil psychopaths could do what the troupe did,but the troupe doesn’t consist of psychopaths.

And what about Neon?Shes not only a human with feelings,but she doesn’t even have bad intentions.She is not even a bad person.

Tserri is.And we would all expect someone like him to be on the demand end of the pipeline.

But there’s another type of person happy to have kurta eyes,someone who is looking at them with genuine,childlike wonder.

The phantom troupe teaches us that people can do unspeakable things while still having the ability to care about their friends,still having family like bonds with others.It’s possible to be a ruthless criminal who is selfless enough to sacrifice oneself for a loved one.

But Neon is the opposite of that.You can be a cheerful,delusional rich girl who doesn’t what to hurt anybody ,and yet be part of something as horrible as the body part market.

If the phantom troupe are monsters with feelings,Neon isn’t a monster at all.That’s what makes her even more terrifying.

Rather than ending up as Kurapikas or Chrollos,it seems that we are most likely to end up as a Neon.Because we are not required to kill to be affiliated with evil

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

would i be the asshole for contacting my ex to ask them if they could stop talking about me online to a community that knows who i am? (🥐)

tw: kinda emotionally abusive relationship

bg info

me (24f) and my ex (28) were in a three month relationship three years ago following a whole year of friendship. they were my first partner and i came out as a lesbian to everyone during our relationship. when we were together, they were 24 and i was 20. i was very emotionally dependent on them when i was 20 due to mental health issues and so were they which is probably one of the reasons why our relationship was as explosive as it was. i looked up to them, my whole emotional world revolved around them, and our friendship/relationship was the only thing i had in my life at the time. they constantly asked me "hey is it even ethical that im dating you, im 4 years older, you tell me please, oh i feel like such a bad person", yet, they still continued dating me every time they would ask.

our fights were horrible and truly explosive as they broke their stuff in front of me out of anger, threw things at me and insulted me as stupid, amongst many other things. our fights usually ensued because i would ask them for reassurance and they would start panicking and screaming at me to shut up. to be fair, i would cry every time i was asking for reassurance which probably made them feel scared about losing me, so i consider myself 50% at fault for everything that happened in our relationship, i shouldve been able to talk to them in a secure manner that wouldnt trigger their abandonment issues. our fights were quite jarring and made me walk out on them several times out of fear. yet i always came back and apologized and took the whole accountability, even though i dont consider myself the only one at fault. walking out several times during fights was probably one of the worst things i could have done but at the same time i was simply scared. even when i walked out after our last fight, they begged me to come back, which i did, i apologized under tears, and yet, told them that i cant promise them to stay no matter what.. and left.

we met through tumblr and were in a medium distance relationship. after our relationship, i went to a clinic and had to learn a lot about myself, what i experienced and what i want from life. im in a very happy and healthy place now and since the end of 2021 im with my current partner whom i want to be the love of my life and whom ive started to build a life with.

context

i have my ex blocked on all social media because they used to do hour long deep dives into my blog, even as of recently (i have statcounter installed for my safety bc im paranoid about them sending me anonymous asks). at first i also used to visit their blog after our break up but stopped doing so after moving on with my life. one year after breaking up i temporarily unblocked them and explicitly asked them not to look at my social media (or at least to do it in a way in which i dont notice aka asked them not to watch my instagram stories).

while i dont visit their blog/social media because i dont want to know whats going on in their life, tumblr mutuals frequently dm me stuff like "hey i think you should know that your ex posted about you/shit talks about something that you posted". i havent asked my mutuals to tell me whenever this happens but i imagine they do so because within the tumblr space we exist, everyone kind of knows everyone (so my ex doesnt have to mention my name for people to know who theyre talking about). sometimes mutuals send screenshots of the posts so that i dont have to visit my ex's blog. last ive heard my ex joked about throwing jewelry at me and posted extensively about a tattoo that i got. my ex's behavior makes me uncomfortable and feel just as helpless as i did back then.

why i might be the asshole

im scared that they might be venting because i was more at fault in the relationship than them and that i am unconsciously deflecting. however, i talked about every detail of the relationship and this fear extensively with my therapist, friends, and partner who are of the opinion that i was young, scared, and intertwined in a relationship that was incredibly toxic. im still unsure though because my emotions frequently triggered theirs.

why they might be the asshole

i asked them once to stop visiting my social media and i feel like venting about our relationship that broke off 3 years ago to a tumblr community of friends and acquaintances is kind of unfair. however, i might be the asshole and they might just need the space for venting. i could just ignore the vents and let them heal in their own way from what ensued.

WIBTA if i confronted them again and told them that i want them to stop talking about me online? or would i be a party pooper because every person needs a space for venting?

What are these acronyms?

[pain-indeed]

Let's talk about Mecha Knight

Well, well, well, would you look at the time. It's "me writing too much about Kirby" 'o clock ! And it seems like Mecha Knight will be the topic.

So, the reason I am writting this is that I see more and more people say that Mecha Knight is an overused subject and it doesn't deserve to have so much angsty fics, art, etc. I strongly disagree and I will explain why. I know people won't change their mind with a single, random rant, but I just want to share my opinion on the matter. With that in mind, here I go, describing how the whole Mecha Knight thing is indeed messed up.

First I want to objectively describe the situation. So the Haltman Company invades popstar, starts mechanising everything and everyone. Meta Knight has the Halberd blown up, and we don't hear about him untill world 4. We discover that he had tried to fight the corporation by himself, then failed and was captured. Then he was turned into a cyborg forced by mind control to work for the guys who are actively destroying what he was trying to save against his own will, and forced to try killing one of his friends/rival twice, before being freed and helping the heroes.

I think we can all agree that this a bad thing to happen to anyone. Kidnapping, enslaving and modifying someone without consent is pretty horrible, and there is no denying that. Everyone who has basic ethics and empathy would know that. So logically, people sympathise with Meta Knight, and they can show it by imagining what it must have felt like for him trough art.

So, why the heck would some people try arguing why it actually was'nt that bad and artists should stop "milking angst" out of this ?!

Here's their argument ; Some have said that Meta could'nt have been badly hurt, as he is seen seemingly fine after fighting Haltman. As if being fine physically means you are fine mentally. If you were mechanised, do you think you would'nt feel at least a little bad ? Is it wrong to think the victim of this situation may keep some scarring memories ? Or is it that you think Meta Knight having trauma is contradictory to his character and he should'nt be allowed to ?

Well, in fact, if you look back at his personality, having trauma out of being Mecha Knight make perfect sense as it goes against his most defining trait ; stenght.

Normally he is very powerfull, physically, mentally and politically. His character practically revolves around power ( he is often shown trying to be more powerfull ). So imagine what it must be like, having all that strenght completly taken away from you and used by his ennemies against his allies. How it must feel to go from leader to slave. Not being able to move an inch by yourself while your body moves on its own. And it's only made worse by how in every other instance of him being posessed, he was shown to have tryied resisting evil influence. Even in RoMK he was revolting against lazinness. Here, the only clue we have about him trying to resist was the title of his battle theme, commonly known as "inner struggle". But the fact you can't even see that in game prooves how powerless he was, how vain his resistance was.

Even if having been turned into a robot did'nt disturb him, not being able to do anything against it definitly could have made him question himself. It could have shattered his ego and confidance in his abilities. It make perfect sense.

And, well, being turned into a cyborg must have been terrifying anyways. We don't know how mechanisation actually worked, but according to the number of screws in the mechanised people's design, how we only see him after a while and Kumazaki's habit of impliying terrifying stuff going on behind the scenes, it's understandable to assume it was painfull. And it must also suck to be treated as an actual object.

So, yeah, the situation was indeed pretty fucking bad, and seeing people trying to say it’s not unnerves me. I think they either are Meta Knight fans who feel like him being allowed to feel the slightest of insecurities would make him weak, MetaSusie fans who are trying to defend her actions by minimilizing them or just fan that have enough to see it over so many other topics. Like, bro, feel free to make your own art instead of complaining. Or potentially write countless paragraphs to share your opinions like I do ( just kidding, it’s actually pretty anoying ).

Basically, it's normal to see angsty art and fics of an event that was objectively pretty horrible and complaining about it is weird.

Either way, if you’ve read trough all this, congratulation. Must have been long. Thank you for your time and patience, and I hope you have a wonderfull day.

[staykidss]

A stray kids guide for beginners!

A hopefully helpful guide to anyone trying to get into stray kids!

NOTE: (if some info is inaccurate or has changed let me know!! If there’s an issue leave a comment and I’ll update!! This is just from research I have done)

Member # as of posting: 8 (group use to have 9 members when it first was created but due to personal reasons one member left leaving 8, the 9th member was Kim Woojin.)

Fandom name: STAY

group name: Stray Kids

Abbreviation: Skz

Group mottos: “Stray kids everywhere all around the world” & “you make stray kids stay”

Who’s Jyp?:

JYP entertainment is Stray kids record label / producer (like the company their group is represented by) (the guy himself is often made fun of by the members 💀 due to his rather unique takes on the choreography and vocals…)

When did stray kids form?

Debuted as a group of originally 9 on March 25th 2018. They formed in 2017 initially from a reality Tv show called JYP entertainment. In that show Felix and Lee know were originally eliminated from the group, Felix due to his Korean not being the best and Lee know because JYP labelled his raps weak so to speak. However after their initial elimination they worked hard and enhanced their skills leading to them later in redemption episode they were eventually brought back into the group.

Members:

Felix (Felix Yongbok Lee): known to be the sunshine with deep voice, 24 yrs old, 1/2 Australians in the group, crys on stage a lot, birthday is September 15th, sub rapper & dancer.

Bang chan (eng name: Chris): leader, single father of 7/j (his “kids” are his group members it’s a fandom joke), 26 yrs old, oldest, 2/2 Australian in the group, Known to be very kind hearted+protective of stay, very strong work ethic, birthday is October 3rd, like the groups leader + producer.

Seungmin (Kim Seung-min, English name is Sky):

Dubbed the “Puppy” of the group, our favourite comedian, 24 yrs old, ceo of roasting his members, pretty chill, Birthday is September 22nd, main vocalist.

Hyunjin (Hwang Hyunjin, eng name is Sam): the artist of the group, ceo of side eyes, sassy+drama queen (we love), age 24, Birthday is March 20th, Lead dancer & visual.

Lee Know (Lee Min-ho, English name is Rhino): cat dad, almost like the mother of the group/j, can be quiet + struggle to express emotions, doesn’t like conflict, age 25, birthday is October 25th, main dancer.

Han (Han Ji-sung, English name is Peter): constantly munching /j, very playful+charismatic, age 24, birthday is on September 14th, main vocalist & lead rapper.

I.N (Yang Jeong-in, English name is Bob): youngest of the group, sweet but can switch up so fast, age 23, birthday is on February 8th, vocalist & maknae.

Changbin (Seo Chang-bin, English name is Lewis): Is so sensitive bc he’s just so hungry/ref, tries to act cute and makes very horrible jokes+puns sometimes (we still love him tho), Age 25, Birthday is on August 11th, Main rapper.

Official accounts (admin posting doesn’t use tiktok so I’ll only be sharing the socials I know of)! //

Stray kids official accounts on insta:

@realstraykids

@straykids_official_jp

Felix’s Insta: @yong.lixx

Lee know’s Insta: @t.leeknowsaurus

Han’s insta: @_doolsetnet

Seungmin’s insta: @miniverse.___

I.N’s Insta: @i.2.n.8

Hyunjin’s insta: @hynjinnnn

Bang chan’s insta: @gnabnahc

Changbin’s insta: @jutwae

Mascots: stray kids have these mascots for each member called “Skzoos”! Every member has one!

- Bang Chan is Wolf Chan

- Lee know is Leebit

- Changbin is dwaekki

- Hyunjin is jiniret

- Han is Han Quokka

- Felix is Bbokari

- Seungmin is puppyM

- I.N is Foxl.Ny.

Where to watch their live streams:

Often in more recent times you can catch them live on the stray kids Official YouTube, their personal Instagram accounts, and sometimes on platforms like TikTok ?¿? (Don’t use tiktok so unsure abt last one)

There isn’t really a set streaming schedule!

* They also are regularly active on the platform “Bubble” !! (This is a subscription based platform! If anyone wants more info on such just say!)

Where do people often watch their content outside idol stuff:

Often times you’ll see compilations of the skz members interacting with each other most of the clips are from their series on YouTube called “Stray Kids Code”! It is free to watch and has an English sub.

You can also look up various stray kid interviews by just typing “stray kids interview” into YouTube!

Where can you get Photo cards? (More reliably)

- Amazon (generally sold in packs)

- Etsy (can purchase individual or packs)

- Albums (normally they come with a few)

(Other merch can also be found on these platforms some official and some not!)

If your also looking for official merch and your uncertain of various sellers online than you can also get it directly off the JYPshop website ! (if it’s a popular item like a skzoo plush it’ll sell out super fast! As of time of posting there’s quite a few items sold out on there)

Note: if you’re looking for super cheap unofficial photocards I highly recommend the user JustBTSArt on Etsy! (Not sponsored just someone who’s bought a lot from them!)

Wanting to get into their music? Here’s some of their most popular songs that could be a good gateway into more of their music!

- Chk Chk Boom

- JJAM

- I Like it

- LALALALA

- MANIAC

- MOUNTAINS

- Gods Menu

- S-Class

- Case 143

- Charmer

- Thunderous

- Red Lights

- ETC.

Where to listen?

Stray kids music is on pretty much every streaming platform,YouTube, Apple Music, Spotify, etc.

Who is 3Racha?

Like stray kids in house producing team! Made up of Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han. They make some of their own music and also compose a lot of the music for stray kids.

That’s all for now <3! Hoped this helped!! If you have any comments, questions, concerns, feel free to leave a comment or dm !!

[whetstonefires]

I think a part of the reason I feel so connected to JGY and XY is that I, too, think everyone is lying about what a good person they are. Sure, there may be a few genuinely good people, but those are in the minority and never claim the title.

I don't know about never; some people are pretty straightforward.

And in some ways the whole point of the concept of 'a good person' is that the feeling of losing the right to consider yourself one can impose instinctive recoil from doing wrong, in situations where you don't have the leisure of working your way through an ethics diagram and choosing the logically moral path before reacting to a situation. It has practical utility.

But that system can backfire pretty horribly too, in a lot of ways. It can be hijacked by definitions of 'good' that actually make you recoil from ethical acts because they're deviant. It can lead to disappearing up your own ass lmao.

And definitely the threshold for 'talking about how you're a good person' enough that it makes you suspect as either a) a liar or b) someone who values that self-image over objective reality and other people's wellbeing is. Not very high.

Jin Guangyao, ironically, is one of those people who's so performatively A Good Person in his public life that in retrospect it looks like a red flag. Which knowing this about himself in an ongoing fashion ofc just reinforces his own cynicism about everyone else lmao.

Even Lan Xichen, who I think he may see as a genuinely good person, he also sees as an easy mark who will reliably choose what is comfortable over what is 'right,' if you just structure the scenario to make that an easy choice that's easy for him to justify.

Xue Yang's bitterness is in many ways more exciting than Jin Guangyao's because he has a way more unusual relationship to reality, but it does share a lot of notes.

The role of deception in his psychology fascinates me because as far as I can tell he's as instinctively straightforward a person as Lan Wangji, albeit along quite different lines involving a total lack of impulse control, but has adopted 'deceit' as a weapon against the wicked world in the same way he has adopted 'murder.'

But when he feels someone is not merely lying but papering over bad behavior with principles they are not living up to he is livid.

People claiming to be better than him because they're 'good' when 'good' is a construct of privilege, is the underlying idea he's not equipped to articulate. Except he takes that and applies it to 'hitting me to interrupt my random murder of some guy who happened to be within arm's reach when I wanted to hurt someone.'

Which isn't like philosophically perfect, but the underlying problem he's actually reacting to is that he understands the social contract as a lie that has never protected him but seeks to control him, while protecting rich men it has no power to control.

Which it is fair to be mad about, but then his feeling is that since that's the nature of the world and all people, he is entitled to amass for himself the power to inflict hurt without consequences as much as he possibly can, and to use it against the vulnerable for fun, and no one is entitled to interfere.

Which brings him to a place where he is violently angry at anyone talking about trying to treat other people well as a value, because either they're a hypocrite and a liar or they threaten his entire system of rationalization for why he can be The Worst and still In The Right.

'Everyone is equally bad, actually' is like, an understandable take for anyone who's had cause to become embittered. Everyone is free to make whatever philosophical peace they can with the world and by and large there's no ethical weight to any such opinion, in itself.

But it's an ideological crutch people tend to wind up leaning on very heavily when they can't or don't want to take responsibility for their own behavior.

Which is an approach that Xue Yang, Jin Guangyao, and Su She all share, and which not only is shitty of them, it...traps them in a wheel of doubling down on their own worst impulses because rather than going 'that was bad and I shouldn't do it again' they've repeatedly invested all this energy into making what they did actually the correct thing, according to their interpretation of the context. Which means they're more likely to do it again.

(I think this is how Jin Guangyao became a serial killer, for example. He followed a doing-a-murder-impulse and then internally doubled down on how he had nothing to be ashamed of, so he was more likely to do it again, every time.

Wei Wuxian's strain of self-righteousness about his revenge was less...thorough than Jin Guangyao's, because he had the benefit of going after people on the opposite side of a war from him while Meng Yao's first known murder plot was against a shitty boss. But it probably didn't help him not try to solve army-shaped problems with mass murder, even after that stopped being allowed.)

If any of them had just like, zero moral sensibilities they would have created very different problems, and very possibly fewer of them. It's making a central goal of your operations 'self-vindication in your own internal narrative, created retroactively via reframing' rather than 'figuring out what I think I should do and trying to do that' that traps them in the self-reinforcing murder pissbaby vortex.

So if you look at it one way, these three villains are themselves perfect examples of how pursuit of the 'feeling of being good' (or at least 'not the bad guy') can make you worse.

Notably Wei Wuxian was also extremely sensitive to hypocrisy in his youth; it was the only part of Madam Yu's behavior he was ever shown objecting to. But he's sufficiently mellow and cynical from regret and burnout by the 'present' timespan after his resurrection to just get disgusted and alienated about it, rather than outraged.

He wasn't even all that mad at Xue Yang, though honestly that may be partly because he stopped entirely characterizing him as a person at some point during their interaction. Like, there's no point being angry at someone whose moral sensibilities operate exclusively on the plane of 'is this unfair to me' for manipulating and destroying people who were good to him, and then getting obsessed with his own self-pity about it. This is not a person who understands how not to be, metaphorically speaking, a cannibal.

And Wei Wuxian did know better and still got roughly the same result, so what business does he have getting angry?

Anyway yeah those two villains are both delightfully relatable if you sit down and put their perspectives together; they are clearly operating with the same basic suite of human needs and emotions as everybody else, without that being in itself particularly exculpatory, which is honestly refreshing. They've just got the most fantastically toxic interpersonal habits that knowing them counts as some level of Suffering A Curse.

Jin Guangyao and Xue Yang do both stand as scathing rebukes of the society that created them. But within the narrative, wherein they're people, the fact is that each of them had agency and one of the things they chose to do with it was develop rationales for why they were the most special little guy and everything was someone else's fault.

And their moral nihilisms, while also grounded in serious trauma, ping me as emotional masturbation of this variety.

[asylumdream]

Drawing project of my Hero Rosario (Nicknames Rosy or Ari) for every 10 levels I gain in Dragonfable-

Closeups and story under the cut

Rosario was from a poorer hunting family, just trying to get by. One winter was particularly harsh, and being the youngest mouth to feed… They saw the writing on the wall, and fled. Deciding that at least their memories of their family wouldn't get tainted. If they ran away themself there was a chance they wouldn't have been abandoned. They got spotted and picked up by a Guardian who had happened to be wandering about, and from that moment on was a kid of Falconreach through and through. They were thoroughly obssesed with books, burying themself in any they could get their hands on. They would spend days locked away in the library at the gaurdian tower pooring over history books, tactics books, magic books… they loved it. Their dayly routine was to wake up, go early to Cysero to beg him for any books he would sell them for their measly 3 coin weekly alownce (and some days he would have one he'd be willing to give up in exchange for a favor or two) then help serve breakfast in the messhall. After that they would jump head first back into their studies until they had to be guided away from their books for dinner. Then they would read until lights out. When they were old enough to venture outside the wall without supervision they would make the treck to warlic's tent to beg books off of him, and anyone else who'd be willing to spare some litterature for them. They became quite the shut in, so bad that they had no friends their age nor did they ever go outside save for the early monring. Their caretaker had had enough of it, and forced them to join the heros of falcon reach to 'Put all that brian power of yours to good use lad! You love your magicks so much? well learn to cast a spell out there!". And so kicked out they were, to face the wide open world of lore.

between doing random chores for the knights of the Pentaganol Knights and stealing the egg back from Drakath they are keen to keep up their studies…. But find that this whole 'adventureing' thing is kind of fun actually! Twilly isnt half bad company and will listen to them ramble on and on about magic theory without interupting them.

Their dragon egg has hatched! to their awe and amazment, an adorable little baby is introduced to the world. they name the dragon 'Sweetpea' after the flowers it enjoys burning to a crisp while it sneezes. And with Sweetpea born Rosario is off to the races, spesifically the race against Sepulchure to secure the elemental orbs and prevent his usage of them. They've heard of the orbs before and know the history and Awesome Power they hold- and though Rosario can't fathom why Sepulchure wants them it can't be for anything good.

With Sweetpea at their heal Rosario goes to convince anyone with any access to the orbs to help them keep the orbs safe- The Sandsea was horrible, they were picking sand out of there armor for weeks, but at least zhoom is a reasonable person with a respectable work ethic. Then he offers to teach them to become a ranger- To Teach Them??? Say no more. Rosario has always been a quick study, and having been banned from their library for the foreseeable future the next best thing is to get taught in the real world. At every opportunity then on they try and learn all that they can, trying to find this paladin they've heard of… And it turns out that paladin shares their love of clever puns and wordplay! Useing light magic to kill undead while learning the ways of a paladin (and necromancer, and deathknight) is a dream for them, and Artix makes surprisingly good company! He isn't patient enough for their lectures on the mechanics of magics, but at least he's polite to nod along. They find they dont mind it too much.

Being a veracious learner, is it any wonder they took to soulweaving like a duck to water? No mater their misgivings about Tomix's… Friend… They are honored to be taught a whole new skill they've never even Heard of before. Not to mention… It's fun being the one teasing instead of the one being teased for once- and Tomix is a bit of an easy target. The whole endeavor, as stressful as managing greed was, was a much needed break after the…. water orb….

Things were good! They had secured the orbs and backtracked to learn the ways of the Pirate and Ninja! things were looking up! Then Sepulchure got the orbs anyways. Fine! Sure! They'll deal with it! So they do. And it's great! the world is saved and they can rest! Not ten days later fire imps attack Falconreach with refugees pooring in from portals and Warlic is nowhere to be found but Fine! Sure! They'll deal with it! So they do. The spell that this Jaania was under… it is as facinating as it is terrifying to them, and they greet the girl who was broken out- a spite fire, but they feel a kindered spirit in her. They want to pull her aside and explain everything that's happened so far, give her the complete information they know they'd crave in her position- but then the professor is ushering them all to a grand battle without so much as a 'how do you do'. Wargoth by Rosario's observation seems to create mana when casting, rather then destroy it. So if they can provoke him to cast fast enough, they are sure they could burn him out, the only problem is the massive amount of free floating mana that would create- it would wipe out half the planet for sure. But they've not researched magicks their whole life for nothing, they know of and even collect the seeds of a spicies of plant that rapidly absorbs mana when it grows, if they can just- But no, the professor has a Better Idea. Fine! Sure! They'll deal with it. They sure hope their old caretaker is proud of how accommodating and understanding they are being. And they defeat Wargoth, with much collateral damage and close calls- but at least Warlic is back together and now they can focus on the Important Things of rebuilding after Sepulchure and this damage- as well as meeting with and learning from the people who fled from Wargoth's advancments. Sweetpea is safe and sound and all is-…

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Sorry for being gone for so long, I haven't been feeling great both physically and mentally, so that was awesome...anyway:

Look, Eddie wasn't that picky when it came to companions. He wasn't much of a catch either - as a bard, it was already expected of him to cause chaos, but with his choice of songs, the result was less of a bardic inspiration and more of a "turn everyone against each other" or "make everyone extremely horny". Which...actually worked when they needed to avoid combat, but by ancient gods, he didn't need to see that group of orcs going at it.

Anyways. Eddie wasn't picky, but Steven Harrington was becoming a bit too much for him.

First: he was a rich kid. Eddie was a proud trash raised in a cottage that barely held together and he had no patience for people who never washed their own laundry (not that Eddie did, well, not too often, but still).

Second: he was effortlessly handsome. Annoyingly handsome. Bad hair day? Steven fucking Harrington didn't know those. His moles were placed in perfect places. Eddie had nearly invisible freckles and his only moles were - embarrassingly enough - near his groin and if you squinted hard enough, looked like a daisy petal. So uncool. But uncool was a word Steven Harrington apparently lacked in his vocabulary.

And third...this. Just...all of this.

Eddie didn't want to think of himself as a prejudiced person, he really didn't. But there were two things he didn't like in this world: lawyers and necromancers.

And Steven somehow managed to blend both of those into a horrible combination that just. Fucking. Worked.

Eddie was strumming on his lute and watched Steven open a bag full of old bones, yet another unlucky trader, adventurer or whoever had died in the woods before them. He placed them carefully on the ground, arranging them - admirable knowledge of anatomy, Eddie would give him that - and muttered an incantation. Green light, weird whooshing, some sparkles, yadda yadda and the skeleton reassembled itself. It sat in front of Steven and they started working in hushed tones over a pre-prepared contract. Eddie could only make out phrases as "a work opportunity," "being dead must be boring," "do you have any family that could use a percentage of the spoils from this quest" and the best of all, "no pressure, if you'd rather be left alone, just say the word." From what Eddie had seen in last few weeks, very few of them did say the word, and if they did, Steven would honor his word and bury their remains where they desired.

It was a really decent thing to do and Eddie hated himself for even admitting it.

One discussion about details ("do you want to be only reassembled when needed or would you like to accompany us the whole time?") and a bony signature later, Steven carefully stuffed the newest party helper (Arthur, Steven made sure to remember all of their names, another fucking decent thing!) in the bag and stretched himself next to the fire.

Eddie couldn't help but glare. That fucking guy. Built like a fighter from carrying half of a cemetery on his back, pretty, rich and for some reason also awfully nice and moral. Eddie wanted to barf.

"You know," smiled Steven and Eddie's traitorous stomach did a triple flip with a botched landing, "I love seeing you like this. Calm. Strumming those slow melodies. You look really pretty, too." He laughed to himself and turned onto his back, staring at the stars. "Well, you look really pretty all the time, especially when you're trying not to be bitchy, but these times you look the prettiest."

Eddie almost dropped the lute. Almost swallowed his own tongue as well. "Are you trying to kill me, Harrington?" he sputtered. "Don't you have enough to resurrect?"

Steven just shook his head, smirking. "That's a thought. But no. Breach of ethics - I'm pretty sure killing someone to resurrect them wouldn't make them want to join me. Plus, I was thinking less of a "fight for me" and more like "fuck me, possibly date me" - interested?"

Eddie stared at him with large eyes, moving his lips without any sound. "Uh...well, sounds good to me," he said, not very intelligently, but his brain was chanting kiss those moles pull that hair shut him up kiss him like right now maybe. "Do you...have a contract for that?"

Grinning, Steven - no, Steve, he asked to be called that several times and maybe this was the right time to give in to his wish - pulled Eddie to the ground with him. "For you? I'm sure I can draft something."

When Gareth, Robin and Chrissy arrived back from their supply run the next morning, they found Eddie and Steve curled against each other, fully clothed but very obviously satisfied. Robin just snickered and whispered to Steve that she wanted details, all the dirty, sticky and scandalous details, but Gareth just rolled his eyes. "And here I thought you disliked the guy when you said "Fuck him," he nudged Eddie as he unpacked healing potions.

Eddie closed his eyes and hummed a new melody that came to him with Steve's touches and gentle words. "It was open for interpretation," he laughed and reached for his lute.