#I KNEW IT WOULD BE GOOD FROM THE SNIPPETS I HEARD BUT HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT . HOLY SHIT . MY HIGH EXPECTATIONS WERE SURPASSED

[messrmoonyy]

Come to mommy

Tess Servopoulos x Fem!reader

Prompt: this is an whole amalgamation of the absolute onslaught of Mommy!Tess requests. To name a few snippets of some of them ‘ okay but mommy tess with the strap? 👀’ , ‘ can you write Tess fucking reader over the table or the counter ‘ , ‘ mommy!tess gives off big ‘ wearing the strap under clothes ‘ energy. Do with that what you will ‘, ‘ honestly need mommy Tess to fuck me brainless ‘

A/n- first of all, everyone say thank you to my fav anon Tess thirster for bringing up the idea of Mommy!Tess and sending you all cuckoo for coco puffs. so. Ugh. Yeah. I did not realise how feral you all were for Tess with a mommy kink. Like. Holy shit. I had just, so. So. Many varying asks asking for something or other that included it so I honestly just smashed them all together into this.I only proof read this once. EDIT: this fic has been reading weird if you are viewing in app, I recommend reading on browser or over on my ao3 instead! The link is over on my masterlist

Warnings: 18+ || tess, smut; soft Dom mommy kink tess, use of sex toys ( a strap on ), fake p in v ( reader receiving ) , praise kink, overstimulation, mild dumbification, tiny bit of choking, oral ( reader receiving) , mild degradation

Word count: 4.5k

Masterlist

Reblogs and comments are always appreciated <3

The first time it happened it had been an accident.

You were a sobbing mess of a woman, shaking and sore and overstimulated beyond belief. She’d been working at you for hours. Well, that’s what it felt like at least, you’d long since passed the point of even knowing your own name never mind telling the time.

She’d gotten jealous after some nobody on your work detail had flirted with you, Taken you home and made sure you remembered exactly who you’d belonged to, her hands, her mouth, even the small selection of toys she’d scavenged over the years had made an appearance. And you were a total wreck.

And it had just… slipped out.

“ mommy please “ she’d froze, the hand currently fucking open your abused cunt with… you didn’t even know what toy it was at that point, stuttering for a moment. You hadn’t entirely even realised you’d said it, far too spaced out to process a straight thought. But Tess had processed it. She’d heard it. And Lord did she like it.

“ I know pretty girl, you’re doing so good for mommy arent you? “ she continued her prior actions, dragging the toy in and out of you at a brutal pace and eyes locked firmly on your face. Not that you could see clearly anymore, eyes blurry with tears and so drunk on the sheer presence of her “ come for mommy baby, it’s okay “

You’d never come so hard in your life you were certain of it, half hour after you were still shaking and floating. Brain on vacation somewhere sunny and warm and no longer in your body. To say it had been intense would have been an understatement.

You’d not discussed it at all afterwards. Maybe because you didn’t actually have a one hundred per cent certainty on if you’d actually even said it, or just simply imagined the whole thing.

But you had. And it had unlocked something practically primal inside your girlfriend.

She’d waited a few weeks before bringing it up again, leaving you to stew on the idea of whether or not you’d actually said it. Some internal debate on whether or not you should be embarrassed as hell or not. Was she not talking about it because she thought it was weird? Or because you’d not even said it? You didn’t know. And you weren’t about to ask her either. So you tried to forget it.

But it soon came back around.

Tess could always tell when you were in a bad mood. Granted, You weren’t exactly good at hiding it but she could read you like a book. She knew from one glance what mood you were in. But you weren’t exactly subtle about it in that moment. So you were not in a mood to talk to her that morning.

It was a rare thing for you to leave without saying goodbye, even if she was sleeping you’d shake her awake enough to drop a kiss to her lips and tell her you’d be back soon. But you’d woken up in a foul mood, whiskey hangover lingering in your skull even though you’d not drank half as much as Tess and Joel had. They could handle their drink. You couldn’t.

You’d debated staying in bed all day, but you had shit to do. So you’d reluctantly gotten up, silently changed, grabbed your bag and headed for the door. Thanking your lucky stars that Tess’ usual ability to wake up at the slightest sound was hindered when she was sleeping off an entire bottle of whiskey. So you’d scribbled a quick note and left.

The fresh morning air actually helped your head a little. October was in full effect, the air crisp and the early morning sun granting a little warmth as it cut though the fine layer of fog covering the QZ. The city air wasn’t particularly what you wanted, you wished you could be outside the wall and inhale some mildly fresher air. But you had shit to sell, and you weren’t stupid enough to go out there alone.

You started with the FEDRA officers. Knowing they were a little less dickish in the morning, not enough time for someone to have pissed them off yet. You knew who wanted what, and how much you could get for it. Knew exactly who to avoid too. Some of the guards would have arrested you on the spot, others would’ve taken far too much advantage of the fact that you were a woman. But you’d been at this for years now. You knew your clients.

So after a couple hours the pills, cigarettes and varying other stuff you’d taken out with you were gone. The space in your bag had been replaced with stacks of ration cards, ammo and a few other bits and pieces.

At least by the time you made it back to your apartment your head was much clearer, Your little hangover practically gone but still a niggling feeling of annoyance scratching at the back of your mind. The same way it had been for the last 3 weeks debating if you were gonna bring up the whole… mommy thing again. Or wait for her to. It was silly that it was still bothering you. You’d been with Tess for years, you should just talk about it.

But what was it. Maybe some sense of embarrassment that yes, it had slipped out by mistake, but it had only slipped out because you’d been thinking about it. That you’d wanted to say for ages and unfortunately in that moment you’d slipped up. Is that why Tess hadn’t brought it up? Had she thought it was weird? Had she thought talking about it would only embarrass you more?

Either way. It was pissing you off.

You unlocked the front door to find her sat at the table, looking far too alert for someone that had drank as much as she had the night before.

“ where the fuck have you been? “ she asked, eyes following you as you kicked off your shoes and headed for the kitchen.

“ working “ you said, dumping your bag on the counter and pulling the box of ration cards from your bag ready to count them. You heard the chair she was sat in scrape against the floor, the sound of her heading your way. She came up behind you, arms looping around your waist as you continued counting out your cards, her chin resting on your shoulder.

“ what’s going on? “ you didn’t answer her, counting under your breath and stacking the cards into piles “ baby “ you sighed as you lost count of the stack in your hand, her lips pressing softly against your neck distracting you immediately.

“ nothing “ you didn’t have to look at her to know she was rolling her eyes at you. You stacked the cards neatly as her arms tightened around you with a sigh, placing the cards into the box you stored them in ready to be tucked away under the floorboards again.

“ nothing “ she said, sarcasm lacing her words “ come on, tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours. Why’d you leave without waking me up? “ you sighed debating just coming out with it and asking her. But you really weren’t in the mood for that conversation.

“ I just woke up in a funny mood. I’m fine” you reached into your bag again, making a note of how many cards you had and what stock was left. Tess shifted slightly behind you, her fingers slipping under the hem of your sweater.

She was quiet for a little while, watching you jot things down until you sighed. Putting down your pen, fingers pressing at your temples as your hangover threatened to make itself known again.

“ headache? “ you nodded and she pressed a kiss to the side of your head, then trailed her lips down across your jaw, nuzzling her nose behind your ear in a way that actually made a smile tug at your lips.

You almost hated her for how simple it was for her to pull you out of a bad mood, just by being sweet on you.

“ is that a smile? “

“ no “ you felt her smile against your skin and you forced yourself to suppress your own. Just to prove a point.

“ but you look so pretty when you smile, why are you in a bad mood? “ she was kissing at your neck again, her cold fingers moving further under the warmth of your sweater “ do you need mommy to make you feel better? “ you tensed as she said it, her voice in that low sultry tone that made you wet instantly. Never mind when she was saying… that.

“ i- Tess- “ words failed you, brain short circuiting as you tried to comprehend what was going on. What she’d just said. She’d really had you worrying all this time, when she liked it? Had she been worrying too? Or had she done it purposefully, waited a while to get you wound up thinking about it ready to pull the rug from under you by dropping it so casually?

She was evil

“ is that a yes? “ the way you could feel her grinning as she pushed at the collar of your sweater to nip at the juncture where your neck met your shoulder. She grabbed a hold of your hips with her hands, pulling you back against her and you gasped at what you felt.

“ is that- “

“ answer the question “ she said, pulling at your collar again to try and find more skin to smother in kisses. You wiggled your hips, trying to determine if you really were feeling what you thought you were.

“ yes “ you breathed out, hand reaching behind you and slipping into her sweats. Your breath stuttered as your thoughts were confirmed, fingers wrapping around the warm silicone of her strap “ you’ve been waiting for me to get home? “ you turned around in her embrace, resisting the urge to moan just at the sight of her.

“ figured when you left without telling me you were in a pissy mood. Only way to fix that is to fuck you until you forget why you’re mad in the first place. Isn’t it?” Your cheeks flushed and more embarrassingly, you could feel your clit throbbing in your pants as if it had its own fucking heartbeat.

God you were fucked.

She stepped impossibly closer to you, your back pressing against the edge of the counter, fingers nudging under your chin so you’d look at her face and not down at the phallic shape between her legs.

“ and I know nothing else gets you more braindead than taking mommy’s cock, isn’t that right pretty girl? “ your brain short circuited at her words, glitching as it attempted to process what she was saying to you. Whilst looking down at you like you were tiny, vulnerable. You could already feel your brain turning to nothing but a pile of mush inside your head.

Because she was right. Of course she was. You loved nothing more than letting her mould you and use you and turn you into brainless little toy, not a single care or thought in your head. Nothing to worry about except for her. The most perfect escape.

“ yes mommy “ it came out as a whisper, your voice already starting to fail you. You were certain you caught her breath hitch as the name fell past your lips, clearly enjoying it just as much as you were.

She captured your lips suddenly, a kiss so desperate that told she really was enjoying this. Your fingers grabbed at the hem of her shirt as she kissed you, hard and bruising in a way that would leave your lips swollen when she was done with you. Not that you cared.

Her hands were pushing at the waistband of your leggings, shoving them down as far as she could without breaking her lips away from yours. She grabbed at your waist then, hoisting you up to sit on the counter and standing between your knees and pushing your leggings the rest of the way off.

You whimpered as the toy brushed over your still covered cunt, already becoming desperate for her. You pulled away from her lips, pushing her shirt up and urging her to take it off.

“ please. Wanna see you “ she let you take it off, smirking at the way you practically drooled at the sight. Your fingers ghosted over the scars and bruises that littered her chest, her ribs, her stomach. When she was feeling particularly accepting of your affections, she’d let you smother every single one with kisses. Replacing the harsh memories and the pain, with your gentle touch.

You leant forward, unable to resist the urge to touch her when she was standing so close to you. Exposed in a way only you saw. Eyes flickering up to hers, waiting for her to stop you as you took a nipple between your lips. You sighed dreamily when she didn’t tell you to stop, relishing in the joy you got any time she let you touch her. She laced a hand into your hair as you covered every inch of her that you could reach in kisses, taking the opportunity to graze your teeth over her skin and mark her how she so often marked you.

You knew any other day she’d have scolded you for it, but today she was feeling nice. Letting you get away with things you wouldn’t normally because you were in a bad mood. Or had been anyway. It was impossible to be moody when you had a woman like her half naked in front of you.

“ feeling better already? “ she asked, her voice low, tugging lightly on your hair in a way that made your scalp prickle but not enough to hurt

“ mhm “ you mumbled, happy to just sit there and keep your lips on her tits all day. But she’d never let you do that.

“ I guess you don’t want me to fuck you anymore then “ you let go of her immediately, a pout on your face.

“ no no- please “ she smiled, a smugness that was almost annoying. You looked back down between you, wrapping your fingers around the toy as if to prove your point. That you very much did want her to fuck you. God you wanted nothing more.

Her eyes were locked on your hand, watching intently as you shifted closer to the edge of the counter, as you ran the tip of her cock against your still covered cunt. You sighed softly at the small amount of relief you got at finally having some kind of contact.

“ someones eager “ she gently moved your hand away “ baby girl you’re wet for me already? “ your cheeks flushed pink, squirming on the counter under her gaze. Her fingers brushed over the wet spot on your underwear and you let out a shaky breath “ what does my pretty girl want? “ she asked, pushing your underwear to the side, too impatient to even bother taking them off.

“ need you to fuck me “ you whispered, watching with blown out eyes as she spit onto her fingers, rubbing her hand over the toy in a way that shouldn’t have made your cunt throb the way it did “ god. Please “ you whined “ please mommy “ you sounded pathetic. Desperate.

“ shh baby I know, I know. Mommy’s gonna make you feel better “ she cooed, one hand grabbing onto your hip and the other pressing her cock against your clenching hole. You whimpered as she pushed in, adding inch after inch until she was flush against you “ such a good girl, look at you taking every inch of mommy’s cock “ you looked down at where your two bodies met, marvelling at the way you managed to take the whole length of her.

You eyes fell closed, trying to make your brain think a single tangible thought. But all you could think about was how full you felt. How deep she seemed to be inside of you, your walls clenching around the silicone.

“ fuck “ you breathed out as she started moving, her movements proving she was just as eager as you seemed to be. You wrapped your legs around her waist to keep her as close and deep as you could get her, nails digging into her shoulder as she drew a string of lewd sounds from your mouth.

“ that’s it baby, taking me so well “ you forced your eyes back open, locking them on hers as she fucked into you an increasingly brutal pace “ you like that, hmm? Like it when mommy fucks you like a little slut? “ you couldn’t answer her, high pitched moans the only thing leaving your throat. Her hand slipped around to the nape of your neck to keep you looking at her “ answer me “

“ yes “ you said breathless, forehead dropping onto hers for a moment. She was hitting the perfect spot with every thrust of her hips, pushing you closer and closer to the edge with every bruising move. It had only been a few minutes and you already were creeping closer by the moment.

You didn’t know what was more addictive, the look on her face as she slowly worked away any remains of your bad mood, or the feel of the tip of her cock as it brushed over the spot that made you see stars over and over again. In the past, with your ex, you’d found it incredibly difficult to come. So the way Tess could have you there with such ease baffled you every time.

“ fuck it’s so good “ she smirked at you as you tightened your legs around her waist, clinging onto her for dear life as you tried to stave your orgasm off. Not wanting it to be over yet. But she knew you too well.

“ already baby? “ you shook your head and tried to focus on keeping it away. But all you could think about was the stretch of your cunt, the pressure of her fingers on your hips. She’d pushed you into that far off space in your head, where your mind drifted and you didn’t have a full control over your body. It didn’t take much anymore.

“ don’t stop “ you begged, letting yourself drift further and further into your own head, arousal clouding your thoughts.

“ look so pretty when you’re taking cock baby” she said, breathless, that smug grin still plastered on her face “ taking it so fucking well for me “ you were reaching a point where it felt impossible to hold on any longer, your orgasm so close you could taste it. Silently you begged she wouldn’t make you hold it off, wouldn’t be her usual mean self and edge you for hours.

But it was like she read your mind.

“ I won’t make you beg baby it’s okay, come for mommy. Show me how pretty you look when you come on my cock “ her filthy words were the final piece of momentum you needed, eyes screwing shut as your first orgasm hit you like a freight train, cunt squeezing around the thick silicone buried inside of you “ that’s my girl, that’s it “ she said a softly, slowing her movements until she came to a stop.

You leant your head back against the wall behind you, trying to catch your breath. Your mind wasn’t your own, far off somewhere leaving you with no control over your own body. Brainless, unable to form a single thought other than Tess.

She pressed kisses across the damp skin of your neck. You pulled weakly at the hem of your sweater, too hot to leave it on any longer. She gently pushed your hands away and took it in her own hands “ i got you baby girl “ she said softly, pulling it over your head before going back to trailing kisses across your skin. You arched into her touch as she pulled at the cups of your bra, kissing at your neck as she squeezed your tit in her hand. You moaned as her thumb brushed over your sensitive nipple, cunt fluttering around the toy that was still buried inside of you “ was that good baby? “

“ yes mommy “ you sighed, eyes closing again as she grazed her teeth across your neck.

“ can you give me one more baby? Mommy wants one more “ as the afterglow began to lift you gave her a nod, opening your eyes again to look at her “ that’s my girl “ you whined as she let you go and she pressed a soft kiss to your lips to silence you. You winced as she slipped out of you, feeling too empty without her there “ can you stand pretty girl? “ your legs felt like jelly but you gave it a try anyway.

She held your waist as you slipped off the counter, grabbing onto her arms to keep yourself steady for a moment. She finally helped you out of your soaked underwear, then took your face in her hands once you got your balance, brushing her lips over yours for a moment before kissing you. You melted into her, hands wrapping around her wrists to keep her there. It was so unbelievably gentle compared to the way she had just fucked you. It always baffled you how quickly she could switch between the two.

The way her body pressed against yours had you getting worked up again embarrassingly easy, squeezing your thighs together in an attempt to find some relief. She noticed your squirming, reluctantly pulling away from you and glancing down at the way you were squirming around.

“ aw baby girl “ she cooed, reaching down to cup your sticky cunt with her hand. You whimpered at the touch, hiding your face in her neck in some desperate attempt to be closer to her. She pressed a kiss to the side of your head and you just thanked your lucky stars that she was being nice to you today. Granting you the chance to come without begging, even wanting you to go a second time and not spend hours edging you until you sobbed.

“ mommy “ you whimpered into her neck, nuzzling your nose against her. Her other hand cradled the back of your head as she pushed a finger between your swollen, sticky lips.

“ I know baby I know “ she gently circled your clit as you whimpered against her skin, gripping onto her bicep “ so needy huh? “ you hummed an answer as she kept up her gentle pace on your clit. She loved it when you were like that. Desperate to be close to her, clingy and needy. You wrapped your hand around her wrist, trying to urge her to give you a little more. As if she hadn’t just fucked life out of you once already “ turn around for me baby “ she said after a few moments. You reluctantly let her go, turning around as she gently pushed at your back “ that’s my girl, just like that you got it “ your breath hitched as you felt her brush the tip of her cock between your sensitive folds, gasping when she caught your clit.

“ please “ you said, voice quieter than you’d expected. But she heard you anyway.

“ so fuckin needy “ she said, hand sliding down over your waist to your hip and squeezing lightly “ don’t worry baby. Told you. I got you “

You whimpered as she re entered your over sensitive cunt in one smooth thrust, giving you a moment before settling herself into a steady rhythm again. She was slower this time, but just as deep. Just as bruising. And you knew you wouldn’t last long at all.

Your brain was shattered. A pile of broken, useless mush rattling around inside your skull. Able to think of nothing but the feeling of the heavy silicone dragging against your tender walls, Tess’ fingers pressing at the flesh on your hips, the obscene wet sounds your body made as she used you. Tess.

You gripped onto the edge of the counter as her hips snapped against your ass with every thrust she made, knuckles blanching with how tightly you were holding on.

“ fuck baby you look so pretty like this “ she gripped tighter to your hips, pulling you back as she fucked you harder “ doing so well “ she praised, earning another whine of an answer from you as you relished in the words that left her lips “ taking mommy’s cock so well baby. Such a good girl for me “ her words shouldn’t have made your cunt flutter the way it did, words so filthy but said with such a gentle tone.

Your legs were shaking and you were almost afraid your knees would buckle beneath you, especially once your already looming orgasm hit you.

“ I need- I’m gonna- mommy “ you were far too deep inside your own head to form a coherent sentence. But she understood. She looped an arm under your waist and pulled you back up against her, your head falling back onto her shoulder.

“ want to come for me baby? Gonna come on mommy’s cock again? “ you nodded, unable to keep your eyes open anymore. The new angle was almost too much, the way she fucked up into you making your vision blur, hitting a spot you didn’t even know existed. Her fingers wrapped lightly around your throat, squeezing gently “ god look at you “ she breathed out “ mommy’s braindead little slut huh? “

And with that you were gone. The lack of oxygen reaching your already useless brain made it somehow more intense than the first. Your eyes rolling back as your whole body shook, trembling as you came for a second time.

“ that’s it. That’s my girl, there you go “ if it wasn’t for her arms around you you were certain you’d have fallen. Your body didn’t feel like your own anymore. Your bones made of jelly, your mind blank of anything but the woman who still had her cock buried in your aching cunt “ I want one more “ she said softly by your ear, nuzzling her nose against your cheek “ one more pretty girl. I know you can give mommy one more, can’t you? “ you weren’t entirely sure you could. You didn’t think in that moment you could even recite your full name, your legs were useless, your brain was gone. She’d done as she always did, turned you into a wreck.

“ I don’t- fuck “

“ you can take it baby girl, I know you can. Hmm? “ as much as your body felt done, you were actually curious if she could draw another orgasm out of you. It had been a while since she’d kept you going that long.

So you nodded, trying to steady your breathing.

“ that’s my special girl “ to your relief she scooped you up into her arms, carrying you over to your bed and laying you down. Thankful that she wasn’t going to make you try and stand any longer. You watched through half open eyes as she rid herself of her strap, climbing on top of you and pressing a kiss to your cheek and then your lips “ you’re doing so fucking well baby “

“ thank you mommy “ you whispered and smiled up at her, keening at the praise and sighing as she started trailing kisses down your body. She took her time, kissing along your neck, your collarbones. Take extra time to toy with your nipples and lick at the underside of your tits in a way that made your cheeks burn. She carried on further, lips trailing over your tummy and thighs. She gently nudged your legs apart, soothing her hands over your still trembling legs.

“ you gonna be a good girl for me and give me one more? “ you gave a small nod, lifting your hips off of the mattress to urge her to move. She gave a small laugh, patting your thigh lightly before dropping a gentle kiss to your cunt “ okay pretty girl, I got you “

It bordered on a little too much as her tongue made contact with your swollen clit, still sensitive from your previous two orgasms. She was the most gentle she’d been since you’d started, small gentle licks from your clit down to your abused hole.

You looked down at her, watching as she slipped her other hand down between her body and the bed. If she hadn’t wrecked you so much you’d have begged her to let you help her. But you knew in that moment she wouldn’t let you. And you were okay with that. Watching her devour your cunt, whilst toying with her own clit was enough to make you drool.

“ fuck “ you whimpered at the sight, feeling her smile against you as she suckled at your clit. Your skin prickled with goosebumps as she worked you towards the edge again. Your nerves were frayed, every single one buzzing from the never ending stream of pleasure you were being gifted.

Watching her hand pick up speed made you want to force your exhausted body to move and replace her hand with your own. It made your entire body blossom with warmth that she was so turned on without having even being touched by you. That fucking you, watching you, touching you, was enough to have her chasing her own orgasm.

As your back arched off the bed, orgasm number three wracking your body, you felt her hand tighten its grip on your thigh. A stuttering breath leaving her as her own climax peaked. You forced your head up to watch her, desperate to see the way her eyes screwed shut at the pleasure washing over her. You had the face committed to memory, seeing as you so rarely got to see it. It was often an image you replayed to yourself when she disappeared from time to time, using it to get yourself off.

She took a moment to compose herself before crawling back over you, a gentle hand cupping your cheek

“ hey baby girl “ she said softly, brushing your hair way from your damp forehead “ you did so fuckin well. So good for me “ you leaned into her touch, eyes too heavy to open now “ I’m gonna clean you up okay? “ you shook your head weakly, grabbing at her arms and tugging her down next to you

“ no “ you whined “ not yet… stay. Please “ she hesitated a moment but then moved to lay beside you, pulling you to lay on her chest. You snuggled against her, pressing your face into the crook of her neck and sighing dreamily. Looking well and truly fucked out “ hmm…better “ she stroked your hair softly as you both caught your breath, and you let your mind piece itself back together again.

And you took a moment to try and remember why you’d even been mad in the first place.

[lookingfts]

Jesus Christ. How is this woman real? 🔥🥵

Had to send you these because everyone is raving about the sleek white number, and yes, stunning. 🥰

But this one I felt fit more your lane/atmosphere. I wonder what kind of snippet you could come up with being inspired by this. And more importantly which of your Anthony’s are losing their god damn minds right now? 😄

Okay, this is a deep cut but I immediately thought about one of my drabbles from "For you, I am fragile" that I’ve always wanted to continue. You can read it here, it’s very short, but the general gist is that Kate and Anthony get off to each other’s thirst trap photos but neither of them know it.

*sexy snippet below*

Holy shit.

Even after months of pining after Kate pathetically through her Instagram, Anthony still finds himself blown away by her latest photos. She’s flawless; her wild curls spilling over her shoulders, the black leather of her dress gaping at her breasts, her legs endless as the slit rides up her thigh.

He barely even argues with himself anymore. Just reaches into his boxers and takes his cock in hand, measured strokes that will only last a few minutes before he loses all control. It’s a routine now. A lonely, slightly depressing routine, but fuck it. She helps him sleep.

Anthony still thinks she would probably kill him for having these thoughts, for finding his pleasure in her without her knowledge, but he can’t stop. No one else makes him feel this way. Kate Sharma has more power over him in a photograph than anyone else does standing right in front of him.

It’s a shame she hates him, really. She has no idea the pleasure he could repay her.

Forcing himself to draw it out, Anthony imagines getting on his knees for Kate. Pressing kisses from her ankle to her knee, higher and higher until he finally licks into her. Finally hears her little satisfied cry as he tastes her cunt, flicks his tongue against her clit, swallows her arousal. She would taste so sweet; he just knows.

He unravels at the thought of her whimpers, her hands tight in his hair, her hips bucking against his face. Using him to reach her peak until he’s rewarded with her release on his tongue. It’s a little embarrassing that Anthony’s balls are already tightening, fire in his veins as he stares at her, desperate and open-mouthed. When he gets too close, his eyes screw shut and he nearly crushes his phone in a death grip.

Entirely unaware of the fact that he is calling her.

--

Kate gets a lot of attention on her photos. She looks good in them; Ben is a fantastic photographer.

It’s funny – he’s taken a lot of Anthony’s photos as well, probably with a significant amount of eye rolling behind the camera. She wonders what Ben would say if he knew that he’d captured most of her erotic material for the past few months.

God, she’s pitiful. All this attention and she pines for the attention of the one man who doesn’t give it. The one man who probably doesn’t even look at her photos. Or at least, he’s never done anything about it.

As if she conjured him – though to be fair, he is never far from her mind – her phone buzzes with a call through Instagram. From Anthony.

Her heart is in her throat as she answers. The video is just blurry beige, but that’s not what captures her attention. She’s a little distracted by the sounds.

It takes a second to understand what she’s listening to. Just heavy breathing at first, and then panting, and then the filthiest moan she’s ever heard in her life. And Kate is pretty sure that a) Anthony is jerking off and b) he has no idea that he called her.

She almost hangs up, embarrassment and arousal warring within her. She’s slick so quickly, an ache deep inside at every hiss and catch of his breath. Kate has spent an inordinate amount of time imagining Anthony making those sounds as she sucked his cock, as he fucked her into the mattress.

“Anthony?” she asks, tentatively, not wanting him to stop but not wanting to violate his privacy, either. “It’s Kate.”

Everything goes quiet, and then Kate hears fuck! and Anthony turns his video off. She thinks he’ll disappear, but he stays on the line, strangled breaths as he tries to calm down. He was so close.

“Shit,” he sighs, and her mouth goes dry at the roughness in his voice. “I didn’t mean...that wasn’t…”

“It’s okay,” Kate says, curling up on her side against her pillows. She doesn’t want him to hang up, she realizes. Now that he’s there, she just wants him to stay. “It was a mistake.”

“A mistake. Yeah.” There’s something strange in his tone as he says it. “It wasn’t intentional, I swear. I wouldn’t do that. I was just…”

He was just masturbating. Looking at photos on Instagram.

All at once, it dawns on Kate. The most likely reason that he would have accidentally called her is because he was looking at her profile. Her photos.

It gives her some courage. She doesn’t have anything left to lose by finding out, except maybe a blow to her pride.

But if she’s right-

Kate swallows. “You don’t have to stop.”

There’s an eternally long silence on the other end. “What?” he croaks.

“Keep going,” she encourages. “I could join you.”

--

Fuck it. Anthony is dreaming – that’s the only explanation. He fell asleep with a sticky hand and is now dreaming about the most beautiful woman in the world offering to touch herself for him.

Whether it’s a dream or reality, Anthony has no interest in wasting his chance. He takes a breath, feeling a little out of his mind as he starts to rub his cock again. “What do you want me to do?”

“Tell me what you were thinking about,” she says, already sounding a little breathless. The idea of her fingers circling her clit, slipping inside her, makes him absolutely delirious. “Before you called me.”

There will never be a better moment for honesty. “I was looking at your pictures,” he admits, a groan falling from his throat as he brushes his thumb over his tip. He’s been on the edge for too long, but he wants to hear Kate come first more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life. “The new ones with the leather dress. Fuck, Kate. It’s like you’re trying to kill me.”

“Don’t stop,” she says, a sweet whimper leaving her lips. “Keep talking.”

“I was thinking about how I would go under that skirt and eat you out until you were begging. Your thighs wrapped around my neck and your heels digging into my back,” Anthony growls, his fantasies spilling out of him now as Kate makes the most delicious sounds in response. “That flimsy little top. I could easily put my hand under there and tease your nipples. Suck on them while I fill you up with my fingers.”

Kate whines, sounding frustrated. “Anthony.”

“I know. Your fingers aren’t the same as mine. But I’ll stretch you out on them soon,” he promises. “And your hair, Kate. I dream of grabbing a perfect handful and pulling until the sting makes you come.”

That tips her right over the edge. She muffles a cry into her pillow as she finishes, and Anthony barely makes it to the end of hers before he’s spilling messily into his hand.

For a long moment, there’s nothing but panting. The dreamlike atmosphere fades, replaced with the heavy weight of reality. Holy shit.

And then Kate…laughs. A deep, throaty chuckle that Anthony can’t help but mirror, the two of them bursting into near-hysterical laughter.

“Fuck,” she breathes. “We should have done that forever ago.”

“Did you want to do that forever ago?”

Anthony feels a little scared of the answer. If he discovers that he’s had a shot this whole time, he might jump off a bridge. “For a while, yeah.”

So much time wasted. But at least he can vow not to waste any more. “Can I take you to dinner, Kate?”

“Like as a date? Or like hey, here’s dinner as a pretense for me to fuck you?”

His head is too fuzzy to discern which is the right answer. “Um, both? Or whichever one you want. I want it to be a date. But I also have wanted to fuck you for a long time, so…both.”

For the eighth time that night, Kate makes the very strange decision to give him a chance. “Pick me up on Friday, then. I’ll wear the dress.”

[halowritesthings]

“Tout est nul, putain,” Remy said while stomping his way inside. He shook the snow off his body like a wet dog, specifically because he knew it would annoy Scott when he eventually came inside and saw the partially melted snow on the hardwood. “I hate de cold.”

He shucked off the winter cap and gloves he borrowed, but before he could bend over to unlace his boots, a southern drawl emitted from the doorway, “So Ah’ve heard.”

Looking up, he saw Rogue leaning on the frame of the entrance to the common area of the mansion, a blanket bundled in her arms. His mood suddenly perked up significantly, “Well, good ol’ North must‘ve finally caught me. Why else would such a stunnin’ ange be here t’greet moi?”

Rogue rolled her eyes as she got off the frame to stand up straight, “Quit bein’ a drama queen, Swamp Rat. Everyone has had to shovel the walkways at some point.”

Remy pouted, leaning down so he could get back to stripping off the boots, “You say dat, yet why is tonight de first time I seen Specs do his fair share, neh? Gettin’ down an’ dirty too much a hassle for Fearless?”

“Ya know that’s just because ya always hightail it out of the room before the drawing of straws can begin,” Rogue said. “Ah think he’s already maxed out his shoveling duties for the season, but he joined ya tonight anyway, specifically to make sure you would do yer job for once.”

When Remy got both boots off, he looked up at Rogue with zero guilt in his eyes. His pout might have gotten bigger, actually, “So mean to Remy.”

He was quick to slip on his moccasin slippers that he was forced to abandon just an hour prior. If he wasn’t feeling so stiff, he would honestly be willing to bend over even further to place a kiss on the tips of each of them. Plus, he already got called dramatic once in this conversation; even though it was true, he would like to keep the factual observations to a minimum tonight.

As he stood back to his full height, he was suddenly assaulted, darkness enshrouding his vision and his movement becoming restricted. He struggled for a second before remembering what he was just looking at and held himself still. He was swiftly rewarded when a pair of gentle hands messed with the covering at his face and adjusted it so he was snuggly wrapped everywhere that didn’t impede his line of sight. 

Once he was able to see again, he was met with Rogue looking at him with that same fond exasperation he loved to bring out in her. “Don’t chu’ worry,” Rogue began, finalizing the details of her current attempts to encase Remy where he stood. “Jubilee went and made us a bunch’a different kinds of hot coco, and knowing yer daily sugar intake, you’ll be reawakened in no time.”

With a lopsided smile, he grabbed one of her hands, using his blanket-covered fingers to wrap excess blanket around her knuckles before placing a kiss to the top of the hand while looking her in the eyes. She was of course wearing one of her nighttime pair of gloves that she wore when they hung out after hours, but recently he had been making sure to add extra layers between them whenever he could to ease whatever leftover anxiety plagued her mind, “Mon sauveur, what would dis scoundrel do wit’out chu?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Rogue said with another roll of her eyes. “Love ya too, ya greaseball.”

woe 🫴 halo x-men fic be upon ye shout out to the 4 people who unanimously voted "yes" to the poll on my main asking about whether or not i should post this WIP snippet to tumblr lol. i have zero idea as to when i can get this completed due to a.) the dreaded blockage of writers as per usual and B.) the dreaded schoolwork which is in a constant revolving state of "maybe i won't have too much work this weekend" and "holy shit i'm falling behind so hard i'm gonna die-" this snippet is rather contained tho so it can work as a standalone pretty well. maybe i just need to embrace shorter ficlets as my main form of writing. certainly would be a nice break from the "can't make a oneshot less than 6k words" train i've been riding since day one LMAO anyway feel free to ignore my yapping; i hope you like my first foray into this fandom!

[hinamie]

ok i have composed myself i have transcribed the lyrics for wish you were here as best as i could. i am going to listen to this and only this until i lose interest or the ability to hear, whichever happens first

this song is SUCH a bop the soft guitar intro in2 the main beat is so good but can we TALK . about how . HE STARTS IT WITH A "MWAH" WHAT A FUCKING ICON I LOVE HIM I LOVE THEMMMMM the percussion is so good i love the soft offbeat claps in th bg they add such a nice lil pep n especially in verse 2 after "love you even if you hate my guts" they add like 4 extra clap beats and i am !!!!!!! ASCENDING

verse 1 is iconic i love the line "pack up my head might mail it back to your house" its so fucking funny it reminds me of that post thts like "i didn't know how to deal with the fact that i had a crush so i wrote her a note that said get out of my school" . but listenok listen. verse 2 is the one they posted a snippet of last year and first of all i love the electric-y/tv-turning off/guitar slide/quiet video game laser effect as the vocals start it makes my brain buzz aNYWAY this verse is my favourite between the two and has absolutely s tier lines such as "as long as you think of me I don't care what" and "love you even if you hate my guts" PLUS the lil clappy bits i mentioned they r so GOOD. not to mention his voice pls.,,, he sounds so good when he belts,,, his voice has a slight rasp to it that they lean into with the slightly muffled old speaker sound god he sounds so good all the TIME his vocals are so clear when he hangs on the words "singing" and "myself" into the chorus PLS. also the bg vocal 'a t-t-t-touch too sentimental' is so gd CATCHY

speaking of the chorus oh my god the CHORUS. the desperate cry of "don't you miss me? / don't you want me around?" is so devastating and heartfelt head in HANDS also the lyrics . im so excited abt them i cannot put into words how !!!!!!!! they make me just. gestures helplessly

wishful thinking is all that’s holding me down  lost on a blue moon  i wish you were here right now

in chorus 2 especially the way the beat cuts out after "lost on a blue moon" n comes back after "I wish you were here"??? AUDIBLE SEROTONIN TO ME ((plus in the final chorus changing the "lost on a blue moon" to "not like you used to" ??????? OW ???????????? that had a lil kick that got me a bit.. , being stuck with ur own wishful thinking as a stand-in for the physical affection of the person u like,,, ....fushiguro touch starved megu- *is shot dead*)))

HOWEVER the absolute lyrical Backbone of this song is the fucking bridge. i knew it would be i heard the snippet ages ago and i was like holy shit these lyrics go hard what are they from only to b dismayed to find that whatever song they were from did not yet exist. but now it DOES and i can listen to the way the bridge sounds like lights dimming. like headlights passing through a hazy window. it sounds like clouds parting

nobody else in this life or next  will ever have me the way that you do nothing in hell, heaven, earth, or the rest could ever take me away from you

THAT FUCKING EMOTIONAL BOMBSHELL against the original soft guitar from the intro drop the drums just reverb-y lyrics and background vocals and some of the most romantic fucking lyrics i've had the pleasure of reading let alone hearing one of my favourite artists sing.

i am going to once again fuse my fv brainrot with my megumi brainrot. realistically ik this is probably a missing your ex song but i do not care. this is a longing megumi song to me i dont CARE argue with a WALL (said to no one). the verses and chorus are pine-y and a bit snarky n very i like-like you and don't know what to do with how much i miss you. it's wry and frustrated n just tsundere enough but then u get to the bridge n there lies the sheer undying devotION god im unweLL this is all i'm going to listen to. this was worth waiting a year for if this is part of a new album they have in production im actually going to die

[newtonsheffield]

Little random but I would love to see a snippet of Lavender Haze Anthony reassuring Kate after she’s had Neddy. Cause let’s be honest most women’s bodies don’t bounce back to how they were before and I can imagine Kate being conscious of that because of the media.

Lavender Haze Anthony has such a trump card in the fact that he's driven so insane by the fact that Kate had his baby that he actually has to stop himself from being a sex pest, honestly.

Kate hated that she felt this way, really, she did.

She'd never considered herself to be a very vain person. She knew she was an attractive woman, or at least that a lot of people found her so but it wasn't something she spent a lot of time thinking about. She'd finished school the year she turned sixteen, completely anonymous it felt like and when she'd gone back after summer, her hair grown out a little, her skirt maybe a little shorter than it had been, and Rick Matthews had nearly broken his neck to stare at her when Mary had dropped her off outside. And for once, the boys weren't nudging one another to get a glance at Mary.

"Holy. Fucking. Shit." She'd heard him whisper, "When the fuck did she get those legs?! Dibs!"

She had gone out with him actually, three months later and he'd finished in his jeans when she kissed him and gotten so mortified he'd left her three streets away from her house and let her walk home while she shrugged it off.

And she hadn't really thought much about it, it wasn't as though she was going to change everything about herself just because men that were far too old to be staring at a teenage girl stared far too long. That was their problem, not hers and she fully believed that what she looked like was the least interesting thing about her.

She ignored clients who flexed their muscles like Tom Dorset, and personal trainer who fancied himself a drummer and chuckled with Sophie when they left, and if her boyfriends asked her to dress a certain way, or do something for them she brushed them off with an arched eyebrow and told them to go and fuck themselves instead.

But then there was Anthony.

Jesus Christ, Anthony.

She'd had good sex before Anthony, she really had, the kind that you still thought about long after you'd broken up but Anthony seemed to be on a different level entirely. It wasn't that what he did was anything extraordinary, though it was spectacular it was more the fact that every part of them was compatible. They knew where to push the other, where to ease up, when to nip and bite and grope and when to be soft and gentle and hold the other's gaze until it felt as though they were going to explode. It was much more about how he made her feel. How his eyes roaming over her made her feel like the most confident woman in the entire world (an area she'd never really been lacking). He let her wield power over him, who could have overpowered her so easily and even when he pressed her against the tiles in the shower and his hips snapped against her until they were both bruised: she was in charge. They both knew it.

She was comfortable, confident in his presence and in who she was. But then they'd had Edmund.

She loved Neddy, of course she did. Named for his father and hers with his chubby cheeks and little dimples and dark curly hair and the little furrow in his brow that Anthony had. She was in love with their tiny family. In love with Anthony as a Dad, in love with the baby they'd made together with nothing but love. And that, most of all was why she hated feeling like this.

She hated feeling as though her body didn't... fit anymore. Women's bodies changed during pregnancy, that's what everyone said: She knew that. But she hadn't thought about what she'd look like, even two months after she'd given birth. She hadn't thought about how her hips would be wider, and her thighs thicker and the extra weight that still clung to her stomach and the dark stretch markers that still sat on her skin, mingling with the ink.

She felt different, now, more self-conscious in a way she'd never been before and she couldn't stop staring in the mirror. Couldn't stop staring at Anthony and all the ways he hadn't changed since becoming a father. He was still the same man she'd met. His chest tightly muscled, his hair a little more flecked with grey in a way that didn't make him look anything other than sexy. And the worst part was, she knew that Anthony knew she was different.

She'd never been embarrassed about nudity. Never, not even when they first started dating, she'd wandered around his house in nothing but her underwear, she'd done it even when she was pregnant and Anthony had groaned and fallen to his knees in front of her. But now she couldn't bring herself to. She found herself shying away from Anthony who always wanted to sleep like a giant Teddy bear, wrapped completely around her, with his nose pressed into her neck.

Most nights now she pretended to be asleep when he came in from the shower with his hair still wet, the masculine scent of his soap clinging to him in a way hat made her ache for him. And she only ached more when he hummed gently and tucked the blankets up around her before he kissed her cheek. Love you, Babe.

She tried to distract him when his hands fell to her waist when he came in from work and met her in the kitchen, his eyes shining.

"Look what Neddy did today!"

She hated it. But eventually, he spent longer in the shower, his eyes slipped guiltily over her as he slipped into their ensuite and that only made her feel worse.

"How's things?"

Kate made a noncommittal noise staring at her sister and her fiancée across the table, waving her hand nonchalantly. "Same old same old. Cute husband, cute baby. Living the dream."

Edwina's eyes narrowed, assessing her before she clicked her tongue. "You and Anthony aren't having sex."

Kate started, trying to cover it with a clear of her throat, "well, I just pushed something the size of a watermelon out of my vagina: She's suffering. When you two have children: one of you will understand her pain!"

Edwina rolled her eyes, "That's not the problem. What's really going on? Do you think Anthony's not going to be into you since you had a baby? Because if he's said anything I'll-"

"No," Kate cut her off quickly, "He's been... really sweet, and he's a great Dad which is really hot it's just... I don't feel... sexy anymore. And I know that Anthony knows that and he feels weird and-"

"Can I just-?" Josie cut in awkwardly, surprising both of them, "This might not be my place but Kate, you're hot. This is totally normal: You had a fucking baby. You love your husband, and He loves you... honestly a disgusting amount. You don't have to do everything all at once just like... Do something that the two of you used to do together that was sexy and fun and just get back in touch with each other, slowly."

Kate blinked, uncertainty churning in her stomach but the longing was stronger. "I guess we could-"

"Woah!" Josie snapped, "we don't need to know what it is. Just... when you feel ready, reconnect with yourself and him."

Kate had been thinking about it for days, Josie's advice, the truth that had rung in her chest when she'd said it. She checked the baby monitor quickly, her chest feeling a little tight. Neddy was sleeping, his tiny brow furrowed as he slept and she made her choice.

She stood from the bed, feeling a little ridiculous to be so nervous when she hadn't even felt this nervous the very first time they'd had sex. But she supposed she hadn't been saying Hey, the doctor gave me the all clear, stick it in me! She'd think of something else. They'd start with showering together. That was always something they'd both craved.

She could hear the shower running, the steam filled the ensuite as she nudged the frosted glass door open, anxiety curling in her stomach and then her heart stopped.

Anthony was standing under the hot water, clearly visible with one hand supporting him on the glass. His eyes were clenched shut and his chest heaved as he bit back a moan, his hips bucking against his hand.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry!"

Anthony's eyes flew open as reeled back in horror, his mouth a ridiculous surprised O! as he slid to the floor. "I'm sorry! I wasn't wanking!"

They stared at one another in shock, something slightly ridiculous bubbling between them, and suddenly, Kate couldn't hold back her laughter.

"Honey, you obviously were."

Anthony groaned as he dragged himself off the floor, slicking his hair back in the water his chest rippling. "Okay, yes, I was."

"That's... why you've been disappearing in here all the time isn't it?"

He shot her a guilty look, "I just... I don't want to put any pressure on you. But apparently this is something of a kink for me."

Kate blinked at her husband, "... Wanking in the shower?"

Anthony chuckled, stepping out of the shower, leaving it running, leaning against the bathroom counter, unembarrassed in his nudity as water pooled around his feet. "No, I find it... unbearably sexy that we had a baby together and every time I look at you these days: I'm hard as fuck. But you just had a baby and I'm not going to be the arsehole that begs his wife for sex when she just did pretty much the most incredible thing for me."

Kate's mouth fell open, fumbling for the words. "I've... been... not really feeling like myself since Neddy- No, I'm totally happy and in love with our family," Kate said quickly as Anthony's face fell into concern, reaching for her. "I just... I don't know, my body feels awkward in a way it didn't before and I feel so stupid because I love Neddy but I just feel different and I don't know how to connect with you like this."

Anthony let out a soft hum, tucking her hair behind her ear, his eyes serious, "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Even more so now. You had a baby and that's beautiful. I love every single change to your body, everything because you made our family. That's incredible to me. I love you, so much I can't breathe and nothing could ever change that. You're everything to me and yeah you're sexy as hell, Babe."

She relaxed against his chest, tears pricking at her eyes, "I love you."

"Love you too. Always."

Kate sighed, confidence sinking into her bones, "You're really into the Mum thing hey?"

Anthony moaned, "Yes. Yes I am."

Kate stepped back tugging her shirt over his head, letting her pyjama shorts slide down her legs, heat coiling in her stomach as Anthony's eyes roamed hungrily over her as she held out her hand for his. "Well, it'd be rude of me not to give you a little inspiration while you finish then."

And she tugged him back under the water.

[laffy-taffy-creations]

Presence and Presents

Secret Santa Snippet for @hufflepuffwritingstuff2! I'm sorry it took a bit longer to get out, but holy shit was this a long piece.

What the fuck do you mean it was 2618 words???

My prompt was: fluffy hero gets "kidnapped" by Villain because they've been sick, and Villain wants to take care of them <3

Which I may or may not have slightly strayed away from? Unsure

Anyways, here you go!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today was rough on them.

Hero was sick, they knew it. They also knew that they definitely weren't going to get better with how they were treating themselves, but they had to keep trying because they didn't want to be caught slacking over something as minor as the flu, especially not during the holiday season.

The crime rate always goes up into its yearly high right around the end during Christmas, this was no time to try and take a break over a small sickness, though they probably should be taking a bit better care of themselves in general to help get through.

"Hey Hero! Ready for our patrol tonight?" Other Hero asked.

"Yeah!" they responded, trying to keep themselves looking on the bright side.

At least they would have some company, and the agency was nice enough to enforce a district-wide mandate that all the heroes have a costume change in the winter to new suits that not only covered more than their spring through fall ones, but also had built in heaters to help with the chill.

As they set out on their path that would likely be checked at least 20 times throughout the night, Other Hero once again started up some conversation. "So, I heard from the coach over seeing our training area that you tried lifting some of the heavier weights today?"

Hero had been hoping they wouldn't bring that up, but it seemed pretty obvious they weren't in their best shape recently and today was definitive proof.

"Uhm, yeah, I did," they replied.

"They told me the amount but it seemed like what you usually do… are you doing okay? They mentioned you had some struggles, but that's not like you…" they said.

"I'm fine, just haven't been feeling that good recently is all, it'll pass." Hero tried deflecting their statements.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Just need to be a little careful."

"Okay…" Other Hero didn't seem convinced but they moved on from the topic anyway, the conversation continuing as they finished making their first go-round.

On the third time though, something was off. There were small traces of preparatory activity of a villain now in the area, a few things that if used right could access roofs were out of place, glass showed security cameras being wiped out at random in their general vicinity, and there were at least three nearby jewelers that were potential targets for a robbery of some kind, so the two split to find the culprit.

This turned out to be a bad move, as when Hero turned a corner to check down a street something hit them in the back of the head, and suddenly they were waking up in…

A house?...

Yeah, they were in someone's house, waking up in presumably the guest bedroom.

It seemed like a normal place, there was nothing to suggest this might be anywhere other than a civilian residence, but they still had no memory of how they got there.

"Hey sleepy-head, are you finally awake?" a voice came from the doorway. Hero squinted as they tried to see the person's face. They could make it out pretty clearly, but something felt…off.

Familiar, somehow.

"Y'know heroes are meant to be able to take care of people, not the other way around, right?" they said as they got closer.

That was when Hero realized they were probably still in uniform. "Right, uhm… Mx…?" they questioned.

"You know me as Villain, but for right now, just call me Civilian. I don't want to confuse my family," they stated, leaning in close and turning their voice down to a whisper.

So that's why they felt familiar.

"Villain? What, was standard kidnapping not enough, you wanted to get your family in on the action?" they accused.

Villain arched a brow. "Are you kidding? We both know I don't do things without reason. Why would I risk involving my family if all I wanted to do was kidnap you? I may be a criminal, but they're innocents who don't know anything about my double life. Much like they don't know about yours, so I'd suggest keeping your conversation about work low, [Hero's Civ Name]."

The use of their true identity startled them.

"How the fuck do you know my name?" they questioned.

"Don't worry about it right now. Just stop talking about work, okay? And get out of bed, breakfast is ready."

Breakfast? But wait, it was only a few hours after nightfall when they split up during patrol… how long were they out for?

Reluctantly, they followed Vil- er, Civilian to the dining room, noticing that someone had changed them at some point when they were knocked out.

They were now wearing some comfortable, soft, slightly loose pajamas instead of the costume. Probably Villain's doing.

They sat down at the empty chair left for them at a table already filled with others, all harmless innocents just like Villain had said.

There seemed to be a total of 2 adults, and 3 kids, one of which was still in a high-chair and probably still had troubles speaking. "Guys, this is [HCN], [HCN], meet my family."

Civilian went around introducing everyone, one by one. There was their spouse, a designer, their kid who was now in 4th grade, their sister who was visiting for the holidays, and her two kids aged 2 and 6.

They said their hellos, and Civilian went into the kitchen and returned with pancakes and hashbrowns, as well as an extra glass of juice for Hero. There was some conversation, all light and cheerful and very much…normal.

That was until their body decided to remind them they'd been struggling with the flu for the past few days, and they started coughing a lot.

Apparently this was expected however, as Villain's sister asked if they needed some water or to go lie down again. They accepted and Villain went with them to help settle.

They were left alone in their room to rest, but were unable to sleep with the constant reminder of who was laughing on the other side of the door.

Maybe two hours later, Villain came in to check on them.

"Hey, get any sleep?" Hero shook their head.

"Well, that sucks. You really need some. You weren't sleeping well before I picked you up, right?"

Of course Villain knew about that. It was probably obvious to them how little sleep they'd been getting and how they had skipped a meal or two in the days before.

"Yeah, that's right…" Hero replied. Villain looked at them for a minute, evaluating, then left only to come back with a drink.

"Hope you're a fan of tea, here, this is my family's signature recipe," they said while handing the warm beverage to Hero.

"It should help you sleep, and with your cough."

Hero just stared at the swirling liquid. Why was Villain helping them? They slowly raised it to their lips and drank.

It was sweet, tasted really good, and felt nice running down their sore throat. Without realizing, they drank the whole thing and Villain giggled. "It's good, right?" they asked.

Hero nodded. Villain wasn't kidding, they were actually starting to feel sleepy after not being able to shut their eyes for the past few hours.

Villain took the cup back and began to leave.

"Wait," Hero said weakly.

Villain turned.

"Why are you doing this?"

Villain laughed. "I think it's better to answer that after you wake back up. You look exhausted."

"Sweet dreams~," they said as they left the room, and Hero's vision faded to black.

They next thing they remembered was Civilian's sister shaking their shoulder to wake them up. "Hey, hey, [HCN], are you awake?" she asked.

"Hnnggghhh…" Hero groaned in response.

"C'mon, wake up. You need to eat something."

Hero opened their eyes, struggling to keep them open as they slowly regained consciousness, which became less of a problem as they smelled something good.

"What did you bring?" Hero asked, sitting up and noticing the bowl Civilian's sister had left on the bedside table after rubbing the sleep out of their eyes.

She looked at the bowl strangely. "I'm not sure. Civilian said- no, insisted that you'd like it. I think they said it was chicken noodle soup on top of mashed potatoes?" she said.

Hero giggled. People usually had a funny look on their face when finding out what Hero's favorite food was. "Thank you," they said once their small laughter died down.

She watched as they started eating, and Hero was amazed that Villain had remembered to make the soup thicker, so that it could act as a better gravy to the potatoes once it was mostly finished.

"So…" she started, and Hero paused to look up at her. "How did you and Civilian meet?"

Hero was glad they swallowed because if not they would've spat out their food at the sudden question. "Uhm, I met them while we were both working," Hero answered, not confident enough to properly lie to her.

"Oh, you're a gadget engineer too?" she asked, clearly interested.

"Uh, yeah. But I usually do the field testing, and report back with the flaws," Hero lied to keep up appearances like Villain had told them to, "that's why you'll probably see several scars on me."

Civilian's sister nodded, satisfied with the answer. "Alright, well I'll leave you alone so you can eat. You can join us when you're done if you want, the kids want to play with you," she said, and left the room.

Hero finished the rest of their soup-mashed potatoes combo and contemplated getting up and meeting with Civilian's family again. They decided it was worth a shot, plus they'd been out for a while and needed to use the bathroom so they would've had to get up anyway.

After stumbling around the house a little bit, they found the bathroom and then a few minutes later, the living room, where Civilian's spouse was currently watching over the kids.

They had their sister-in-law's 2 year old on their lap while their 9yo and her 6yo played around with a puzzle on the coffee table. Upon seeing Hero, they instantly said hello and offered a spot on the couch nearby, without getting too close since Hero was still sick.

"Hey [HCN], feeling better?" they asked.

Hero nodded in response.

"Oh, are they awake?" Civilian called from another room. After receiving approval they came into the room with something, a small pill and a drink.

"Here, it's some medicine to help with your flu," they said, offering both to Hero. They accepted and downed the pill almost instantly, but left around half of the drink they'd been given in the glass.

Civilian seemed satisfied, and after they turned to go back to whatever they were doing, Hero stopped them again. "You never answered my question, uhm, why did you bring me here to help me?"

Civilian laughed and turned back to face them. "Because you said you had the flu and when I went to go check on you I found you passed out, no way am I letting you try to take care of it yourself," they said and left.

This somewhat made sense to them, but they knew they weren't going to get a clear answer unless they spoke to Civilian alone so they didn't have to keep up this game.

But without the ability to do that yet, they decided to turn their focus back to Civilian's spouse and the kids. Speaking of the kids, Civilian's 9 year old was now asking them to play.

They obliged, and started a game of fantasy with the two hyper kids. They got to chase the two around as a dragon, learning the layout of the house in the process, and humoring the kids with one or two blasts of their power, which the two were stoked to see in person.

"Hey, [HCN]! Are you gonna be staying tomorrow for Christmas?" one of them asked out of the blue.

They blanked on the answer. They really didn't know. Was Christmas already tomorrow?

"Yes they will, remember what I said?" Civilian came to their rescue while carrying some laundry to the living room for folding.

"Right!" their kid said, seeming to remember something and giggling.

Hero was perplexed, but it seemed like that was the point.

They continued playing with the kids until dinner, and then they all played a few family games of Uno, which usually involved Hero +4-ing Civilian out of spite.

Then it was bedtime, and Hero was sent to bed with the kids because they were sick (not before getting another dose of medicine though).

They had a lot to think about. With laying down after spending a fun filled day with Civili- no. Villain and their family, it came with a realization that they'd never properly thought about before.

All the villains they fought, all the people they arrested, they were all, well, people. People with lives, people with families, people with lovers, and siblings, and kids. And this applied to every single one, not just the one they were being cared for by.

And with that, they decided that was enough thinking for one night, and almost forced themselves to sleep, partially aided by the medicine they'd taken.

The next morning came quickly after a dreamless sleep, and this time a kid was waiting for them to wake up.

"C'mon [HCN], it's Christmas! It's Christmas!" the kid cheered from their bedside.

Hero groggily sat up after a bit of stretching and groaning, which the kid found hilarious, or was maybe just laughing from excitement.

They followed the excited kid to the living room, where the stockings were filled and there were lots of presents under the tree.

"Hey you two," Civilian's sister laughed from the hallway, "breakfast first."

There was a disappointing groan from the kid, and Hero decided to lighten their mood by saying the quicker they get done with breakfast, the sooner they get to open the presents, which worked wonders in getting the kid to rush to the dining room.

Civilian's sister apologized, recognizing that the kid probably woke Hero up.

"It's fine," they reassured, "I know I was the exact same way as a kid." She smiled and they went to take their seats at the table, where today on the menu was eggs, waffles, and fruit.

Hero slightly regretted what they'd told the kid about getting breakfast over with quickly, because they downed their food so quickly they might've gotten sick as well if Civilian hadn't told them to eat slower.

After that, to the living room they went, and presents and stockings were passed out. To their surprise, one was placed in front of them.

"Alright, everything's been passed out. [HCN]?"

Hero perked up at the sound of their name.

"Would you care to start us off?"

Hero got extra confused. "Oh, I, uhm… me?"

"Of course, you're our guest!" Civilian said.

"Okay…" they said, and started unwrapping their present. It was… a necklace. With their name as the pendant, and some small jewels in the letters.

Hero was stunned. "It's beautiful…" was all they could say. "Thank you, uh- who got this for me?" they asked.

"Santa did!" The six year old exclaimed.

"Duh, who else would it be?" Civilian said with a wink.

Hero laughed. "Right, right, my bad."

Hero didn't know what to think of it. The present unwrapping continued, and they were trying to figure out how to tell Civilian thank you. They weren't sure if they could.

However, they were sure they'd be wearing it underneath their suit everyday from now on.

[lovesung127]

thoughts on nct dream's istj

my bitches had a comeback you know i gotta react!!!

ISTJ: this song is actually wild bc why tf is it so good. god damn. the mv omfg overwhelmed me in a good way. it's so alice in wonderland core ugh so good. they all looked sosososo good. chenle's parts had me floating. renjun's lines had me screaming. haechan ate down. mark devoured. jeno served. jaemin slayed. MY MAN JISUNG GAVE IT HIS ALL OMFG ASHFUHSF. the prechorus is tooo good. the bridge is life changing. it got that superhuman set up if u get what i mean. i knew istj was gonna serve cvnt from the snippet i heard but it REALLY DID

Broken Melodies: lowkey at first i was like eh BUT NOW IM LIKE BROKEN MELODIES. its sosos good. jeno's opening is so good. i love jisung's part. the chorus is so 1d core and as a directioner myself i gotta support. also the bridge slays.

Yogurt Shake: stop this is so cute like the opening. it's very like idk how to describe this is probs a bad description but like the instrumental sounds like a cartoon ost and this song is something i would expect to see in like those aesthetic tiktoks about like beauty or kpop or whatnot. love jeno's rap in this. their voices all sound so good

Skateboard: OKAY THE BEGINING NOTES GIVE MISFIT. I LOVE LOVE THE INTRO. it's so disney core like camp rock/hsm core lmao. OKAY JISUNG SLAY. the chorus is so upbeat and catchy. so 2000s kid core if that makes sense. okay haechan's high note and renjun's little adlib yuh

Blue Wave: AAHHHHH THE OPENING!! AHHH HAECHAN AND RENJUNS LITTLE FAST SINGING THING I LOVE IT

Poison: whoooa WHOOOAA OASJSDHFHDVKFLKV good lord. they grown DIJSVJJ when i saw the track video i was gagged but omg now ik the whole songn shkfhddjboojj oij why they all eating. this is so cvnt so slay im like lost of words. got me dancing in my seat. their voices are all so smooth and ugh the chorus is a little too goood, oh god the ending?? FLOATING

SOS: omfg. stop this is so cool. MARK'S ENTRANCE OH GOD NO ONE SPEAK TO ME. HOLY SHIT RENJUN? CHENLE? jisung?? WHAT THE AIHFFNVFDO. ngl this song got me shaking ass. oh god the little muffled bridge!!! HAECHAN???

Pretzel: okayyy!!!!! WHOEVER IS IN THE OPENING JAEMIN? LIKE SERVE. THIS IS TOOOO GOOODD! yassss vocals. like renjun? tooo good

Starry Night: stop the prechorus like the build up is wild the chorus is so groovy. JISUNG'S PART HEHEHE gotta hype up my man. this song is so chill and cute

Like We Just Met:YUHHH OKAY JISUNG OPENING IT UP YUHHH! MARRRRKKKKKK AHHHHHHHH THE RAPPPERS SINGING MY LIFE IS HEALED. this song is so cute so like i feel like im in love lmao. CHENLES VOICE IM LIKE FALLING DOWN A WALL

in conclusion, nct dream came to slay and slay they did. not one bad song🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️!!!! but yea love love love this album. my faves so far are poison, pretzel, sos, skateboard, istj, pretzel, broken melodies.... i might as well just name all the songs lol. go stannnnn<3

[the-duke-of-nuts]

The Florist and The Tattoo Artist

Day 1: Tattoo Shop/Florist @dukexietyweek

Author’s Note: It’s Spooky Gays week bbs! You all remember last year when I said I'd write a fic to this exact prompt based on my post? Of course you do! I of course did not write it yet B U T don't scroll away just yet I promise there's something. I've written a little snippet (I say snippet as if it isn't literally half of one of the chapters) on one of the scenes that happen in the story but I made sure to write in a way where you don’t really need the whole fic to understand what’s going on. With that being said enjoy I guess!

Summary: Pretty much just Remus coming up with a tattoo design for Virgil and asking him out on a date.

Pairing: Dukexiety

Word Count: 1018

Warnings: Food Mention, I guess Remus mentioning his ass I don't know there's not really much here so I think just those should be fine

"Y'know for a tattoo artist I'd expect you to have at least one." Virgil commented as he started watering the beautifully grown plants in the shop. "Oh I do I gave myself a tentacle sword one on the right side of my ass." Remus answered casually. "How did- Y'know what I don't wanna know." The tattoo artist cackled at seeing Virgil shake off the impressive yet disturbing thought. 

"Trust me I'm gonna get more soon. So what about you, have you ever thought about getting a tatt?" 

"I mean... I wouldn't mind getting one I just don't know of what." The florist shrugged as he finished watering the plants and walked back to the counter. "Well for starters where do you want it?" Remus asked. Virgil thought about it for a moment. Despite the florist's appearance he never thought that far ahead about where'd he even get a tattoo let alone hoped for one in the first place but knowing the tattoo artist, the mustached man would probably come up with a big or possibly suggestive kind of design for him so he went the safe route. 

"I don't know probably like..." Virgil started rolling down his sleeve and pushed his wristbands and bracelets out of the way and pointed to his wrist and forearm. "On my wrist or forearm or somewhere around there." "Hmm..." Remus suddenly took Virgil's arm and started lightly tracing the design he had in mind on the emo's wrist area. The florist fought back from shivering at the touch already knowing the smug words that would come out of the tattoo artist's mouth if he did or looked back up and saw how much he was blushing but luckily Remus was still distracted with figuring out the design. 

How did we get to this... One moment we're working across from each other and I'm trying to kick you out of here as much as possible on the daily and next thing I know I can't get enough of your stupid flirting...

"Got it." 

Virgil immediately snapped out of his thoughts once he heard Remus speak again. "I think something like a stormcloud with patches on your wrist would look good. Something like... OOH! Do you have any paper?" Virgil looked under the counter and found his sketchbook and handed it to Remus with a pencil. The florist mentally hoped and prayed the tattoo artist didn't carelessy flip the pages too fast and see the drawing of him on the very last page. 

If he asks or says anything just tell him it's Freddie Mercury but edgy. 

But Virgil instantly relaxed when Remus thankfully started sketching the design on the first empty page he spotted which was in the middle of the book. 

Remus was known to be fast with his sketches but he made sure everything was detailed and perfect to the point where he didn't even need to use the eraser. After a minute or two Remus finally finished the drawing and looked at it satisfied. "Like this."

Once the tattoo artist flipped the sketchbook over to reveal the design, Virgil stared at it amazed. When Remus said a stormcloud with patches he certainly delivered. It was so detailed that the emo even immediately knew what colors he wanted it all to be. 

"Woah holy shit that actually looks pretty badass!" "Thank you! I tend to give only the best for my Muses~" Remus winked smirking as he put the sketchbook back down.

Wink at me with those damn pretty eyes one more fucking time and I'll give you something to be smug about  

Virgil cleared his throat blushing. "I'll think about it." "Cool just let me know and I'll give it to you for free." The florist went wide eyed at hearing that. Normally people would be grateful for not having to pay for a tattoo but the thought of Remus possibly needing the money one day just didn't sit right with Virgil. 

"What? Ree no no no I can't but what if-" 

"No butts except yours getting the tatt for free Vee Vee!" Remus booped Virgil's nose to which the florist sighed defeated trying to swat the tattoo artist's hand away. "Fine." Virgil playfully huffed and crossed his arms looking away. "Good..." Remus suddenly smirked. "Fair warning though tatt's on the wrist hurt like a bitch but I'll gladly hold your hand if you need me to~" He teased wiggling his eyebrows. "Shut up." A flustered Virgil playfully hit a cackling Remus' shoulder. 

"But if you really wanna pay me back I'll also take a date as a form of payment~" 

"Not that I'm immediately saying yes or anything but what did you have in mind?" 

"There's an Italian restaurant down the street... I know how much you love pizza and bread sticks~" Remus took Virgil's hand and kissed it smirking as the emo's face became even redder. 

Can you stop making me wanna fucking kiss you for 10 seconds!?

"Alright fine you had me at the pizza and bread sticks." Virgil said not letting go of Remus' hand. The tattoo artist beamed at hearing that. "Really? Well how does tonight after we both close sound?" Virgil couldn't help but smile at Remus' eagerness. He missed seeing that pretty spark of excitement in the tattoo artist's eyes. "I'd like that." "Yes!" Remus fist pumped whispering victoriously to himself. 

"You won't be disappointed-" 

The tattoo artist was cut off by his phone alarm ringing to which he dramatically sighed and turned it off. 

"Looks like my lunch break is over... Meet back outside of here later?" 

"Sounds good." 

Remus smiled at the approval and before he could turn away and leave Virgil tugged him back to him and kissed his cheek causing him to freeze and blush.  "Now go before I change my mind and you mess up your schedule and if you do, that won't be on the lips tonight." Virgil teased. "Yes Sir~" Remus smirked and quickly ran out of the shop and back to his job. Virgil chuckled and shook his head. 

I'm in love with a dork.

[thefootnotes]

hit me hard and soft first listen

four step scale: skip, playlisted, green heart, life altering

SKINNY

beautiful melodies oml

"THE OLD ME IS STILL ME AND MAYBE THE REAL ME AND I THINK SHES PRETTY" HOLY SHIT BARS BARS BARS BARS BARSSSS

the vocals on "cry" are fucking beautiful

i get kind of jazz vibes from the instrumental of the bridge?? like. idk

just a beautiful and heartbreaking track

STRINGS?????

the gaspy breath in the background oml

life altering

LUNCH

already heard snippets of this one before (as in the chorus on tiktok mostly)

omg??? the transition is so smooth but they're such different vibes

well that's kind of gay

"it's a craving not a crush" is so. yes

the bass is sick

did i cringe at the rhyme of "enough" and "stuff"? just. just a lil

"you need a seat? i'll volunteer" gives me absolute throwbacks to the time my partner volunteered to be my vigilante shit chair (long story) bEFORE WE WERE DATING

the echo and then the the what the fuck is this synthy shit??? it's????? agh?????

the gasps at the end are. odd

playlisted

CHIHIRO

i've heard people talking about this one

the delivery of the run-on lyrics is beautiful

yOUouOUouOU (/pos)

oh wait that's a hard hitting lyric shit my b

the high vocals???? king shit

what's with all the gasping on this album is this a sex thing or a sad thing or just a billie thing

THE SYNTH THERE SHIT THIS IS A MASTERPIECE

okay lyrically SKINNY is my favourite so far but i'm loving the musicality on this one

the PAUSE gkdjejduufsjjsofjrje

green heart

BIRDS OF A FEATHER

wait i think i heard this on tiktok

"Til i rot away, dead and buried" 🤝noah kahans "til we're food for the worms to eat"

this is just a really beautiful "i fuckin love you" track and ughhhhhhhhhh

a lotta "hm"s in this second verse

you're so full of sHIT

all the overlaying vocals agh agh agh that's the good shit

playlisted

WILDFLOWER

so far it all flows together so beautiful agh

"things fall apart and time breaks your heart" first lyric of the track. prediction: i'm gonna cry

"i see her in the back of my mind, all the time, like a fever, like i'm burning alive" EVERYBODY GO HOME THIS IS FEELINGS™️

consulting genius because i'm losing some of the meanings here

THE BUILD UP TO THE CHORUS FUCK ME

outro???? beautiful vocals

just a very beautiful very sad very fjdksiucudhshsb song. yk

green heart

THE GREATEST

the big breath at the start djfjdijddn

the little plucking is beaut

"you don't wanna know how alone i've been" just take my heart and my will to live and also my soul

yes you are the greatest :(

the build up shit shit shit i'm gonna bawl

ALL THE TIMES I WAITED FOR YOU TO WANT ME NAKED MADE IT ALL LOOK PAINLESS MAN AM I THE GREATEEEEEEEEST

SHIT SHIT THE BEAT DROP AND THE FJDITIFJJRJRJEJDUDJDUJEJE

the backing vocals are beautiful and the drums and the snofirjwkdirhssjmsksjej

JUST WANTED PASSION FROM YOU JUST WANTED WHAT I GAVE YOU

this is sickening. i am sickened /pos

the- i- "man am i the greatest" -> "you could've been the greatest" is sickening spfmkrisjshdhe

life altering

L'AMOUR DE MA VIE

the sass in her tone lmaooo

"i said youuuuuu youuuuuuu were the love of my life"

is this just a "yeah fuck you i tried" song because that's the vibes i'm getting

WHO IS THIS SON OF A BITCH (i don't follow her personal life like. at all. i just know she dated that one really ugly dude who was way older than her)

"ITS NOT MY FAULT I DID WHAT I COULD YOU MADE IT SO HARD LIKE I KNEW YOU WOULD"

"i was the love of your life but you were not mine" ciritjdiuendiwisisjsjsjsjduududhdud

bestie what the fuck is happening the. vocoder??? okay sure bestie.

i'm ngl i don't love this bit but. solid track

oh shit wait the percussion and the- the 80s vibes the fuck what in the found heaven is this

woah there cowboy easy up on the vocal production this sounds like fckn barbie girl

okay not my fav. it was good but it got...really odd and two very different vibes and i just don't think they worked together for me personally. loved the first vibe but. not the second one

skip

THE DINER

okay so that's weird

the echoes are. weird. cool but weird

i don't know it's like. it's okay but it's not really my vibe

wait that's gay-?

"if something happens to him, you can bet that it was me" bestie??????????

did she just- dox the- okay. 8229931670 ass bitch.

yeah no it was alright ig but really just not my vibes

skip

BITTERSUITE

what is it with pop singers and 80s synth in 2024

oh???? oh!???????? the drop down to the bass and vocals is gorgeous

"i've been having dreams" reminds me of trampoline by someone (i don't remember her name. shayd maybe?) and zayn

the little beat in the back is gorgeous

that beep shit caught me the fuck off guard

brother what does lamour de ma vie mean-

oh oH OH ALRIGHT oliver stark is l'amour de ma vie

what is this- what is. okay

wait what did she say

playlisted

BLUE

WAIT IVE HEARD THIS ONE

fucking depressing no more to add

green heart

THE ALBUM

it's really beautiful how it all fits together and every track flows into the next

i don't know how i feel about so many different vibes packed into ten songs but the product is a solid album so i'll take it

lyrically some of my favourite work of hers

the bass throughout the whole album is really strong and beautiful

i forgot to do an introduction when i first listened so. no intro on this reaction. my bad

overall i didnt fall totally in love with the album, but there were some songs that really hit the mark for me.

[heademptynothoughts]

ok i've had enough time to process post human: nex gen and i think this is one of my favourite bmth albums ever. it's so good and i love the concept.

so song-by-song thoughts below (not including [ost] dreamseeker bc that's just an intro and too short)

youtopia:

the first time i listened to the album i was honestly surprised that this was the first song. it's a lot calmer than i was imagining for the intro into the album. it also has a really hopeful tone which i wasn't expecting. after listening to the whole album though, i think it's the perfect first song. the lead into kool-aid and the rest of the album too turns it from hopeful to sinister, and makes me think that youtopia is actually the cult that’s overarching this whole concept

kool-aid:

fuck i love this song. i think it would be awesome to hear live, especially with the chanting of "is this what you wanted? no! do you want some more? yeah!" it's just so fun

top 10 statues that cried blood:

this is my favourite of the new songs. the chorus is perfection and i will fight anyone who says otherwise. the breakdown is also soooo good. 10/10 no notes

limosine (feat. aurora):

i love the tempo and melody of this. i think aurora's voice blends so well with oli's and her verse is probably my favourite part of the song. the switch up at the end is great too

darkside:

another banger of a song. heart-wrenching lyrics. nothing more to say

a bullet w- my name on (feat. Underoath)

i really love this song too. second favourite of the new ones. i don’t actually know underoath, but holy shit that screaming is awesome. also the lyric “the beat in my chest sounds like a swan song” just hits and the gun shot at the end… oof

[ost] (spi)ritual:

distorted cult chanting with an added "oh shit somone's coming," what more could you want? it's a great lead into n/a too, like were the people chanting also the group meeting?

n/a:

i’m sorry, i know it’s just what people say at n.a. meetings, but i can't hear the beginning without thinking of i'm not a vampire by falling in reverse. it is what it is. more heart-wrenching lyrics. the melody is so fun though. i love the juxtaposition of dark lyrics with a fun melody that makes you wanna jump around

lost:

another chorus i absolutely love. this song just resonates with me, i feel it in my soul. also the breakdown breakdown is top tier. saying “i think i’m gonna breakdown” in the breakdown, hello???

strangers:

heard this one live last summer, so amazing. i love the line “we’re dying to live and we’re living to die”

rip (duskcore remix):

this is such a good hate song, high school me needed this. awesome bridge. and then the lead into amen! with the funeral speech👌

amen! (feat. lil uzi vert, daryl palumbo & glassjaw)

this song goes hard, a heavy banger. also i can’t believe we’ve had the title of the album for a year and didn’t know it. all hail nex gen

[ost] puss-e:

i don’t even care what the deeper meaning of this is, the absolute ridiculousness of one of the only clear audio snippets being “what would you do for puss-e?” is fantastic

die4u:

what do you mean this song has been out for 3 years?? what is time?? also heard this one live and again so amazing. i adore the bridge

dig it:

ending it with probably the most conceptual song of the album. “life is a grave and i dig it.” the lyricism. the glitches and distortions throughout are very smart. and then the minute and a half of absolute silence. i had to check to see if the album was over my first listen bc i knew there was no way that was 7 minutes and i was so confused. m8 has such a cute robot voice (i know that’s not the takeaway here, but it’s my takeaway lol). i think it’s the perfect way to end the album and drives home the post human concept.

[clockworkowl]

I’m combing through all the old random shit in my Evernote trying to find one specific song film idea (I frequently get entire stop motion films in my head when I listen to songs and I used to actually document them in case I ever developed enough executive function to create them so I could see them)

But instead I’m just seeing the vast array of completely vague and random things I apparently thought I would somehow understand what I meant at some later point.

For the record I don’t know if these are from me being drunk, or like sleep typing (and by sleep typing I mean lack of sleep where I had probably been up for like 72 hours plus and might as well have been asleep for all my conscious brain was working. I used to get really extreme insomnia. Now so just can’t sleep for like 32 hour chunks regularly, which is much more manageable) or whatever but anyway…

Here are some choice examples:

✏️Note title: ‘Most times a ghost is a wish’ followed by a note body that is also just ‘Most times a ghost is a wish’

✏️no title merely the words:‘Desaturated Chicago’

✏️Title: Butlers then what I think is a quote from a book and not something I composed as it is in quotes ‘Did butlers have some sort of secret society where they looked down upon the less than holy gentry.’ Then merely ‘um hell yes’ this in a notebook called plot ideas

✏️No title not categorised just the sentence: ‘I think his world was over before he entered it, but he did a marvellous job maintaining.’

✏️No title absolutely no context just ‘something like if Weekend at Bernie’s were a Stephen King coming of age horror film’

Another category are clearly snippets of dialogue but they don’t go to anything like my brain’s inner monologue got bored and was just spacing out doing improv with itself and my conscious brain heard a part of it and was like ‘yeah, write that down, you can totally use that for something I bet’ but like all of them seem like my inner monologue is like a pair of posh British private detectives in the middle of a bitchy divorce with an affect for snarky arguments.

✏️No title not categorized just:

-I think you’ll find I can tell a hawk from a handsaw.

-Always?

-Most of the time, depending on weather.

✏️No title or context just:

‘It was meant to be a battle of wits, but yours has an extra T.’

(To be fair this one is pretty good, I might actually use that sometime.)

✏️No title, no context (I have no idea who these character names are)

-For fuck’s sake Blackthorne, I made a mistake, I’ve already admitted that, are you really going to weave that into your own noose? There’s no time to be petty.

-My dear Dashiell, there is always the time to be petty.

✏️No title no context merely:

‘What’s a little murder accusation between friends?’

✏️No title just a random exchange of very stylised affected dialogue;

-‘Never mind him my dear Horatio, I knew we’d not escape the evening without being subjected to another poor Yorick.’

-‘Poor Yorick?’

-‘Indeed, a man of infinite jest; for everything he believes is merely an expression of poor wit once it is taken in the offense he meant it in. Should the wind prove north by northwest that is.’

-‘Ah, I know them well.’

[metalshea]

Examining Death through A Perfect Circle's "Blue" lens

Trigger Warning - this post discusses death, drug abuse, and overdoses, and includes a couple graphic descriptions from my time working at a morgue.  We are all at different places in our life journeys and have each been impacted by our own unique circumstances and experiences.  If these topics could spark difficult emotions for you, please do not feel compelled to read further.  Instead go gently and know that “there will come a day when the memory of those you’ve lost will bring a smile to your face before a tear to your eye”.

-- 

So it’s been a little shy of three years since my last post.  My last rant discussing the spindly and cancerous fingers of the NSBM scene through case examinations of Alcest, Behemoth, and Agalloch was all the way back in January of 2020.  In that time a lot has happened: a global pandemic led to my being laid off from my job in big tech, I started a great new job at a startup that has been nothing short of a trip, and, oh yeah, I HAD A KID. So yeah - career advancement plus guiding a small human on the path towards not being a shit head adult leaves little time for outside interests compared to less demanding jobs and… uhhh… not being a parent, I guess?  So something had to give somewhere.  Sorry Tumblr.  It’s not like I was a super prolific poster or that this blog ever went viral, so it’s probably fine, right?  Sorry to anyone that did read my stuff–the good news is you now have more words on a page to pour over from a now early-middle aged (holy shit when did that happen?) white dude that would have loved to have been a metal journalist.  While we're at it, sorry for that last post I did on A Perfect Circle… kind of, I guess… I mean I’m writing another post about them, right?  Anyway, I got super excited about what I imagined to be the parallels between the song “The Doomed” and Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol and kind of maybe went down a rabbit hole that was at the time super cathartic but, rereading it now, was probably a bit convoluted.

But here’s the thing, though, I absolutely LOVE A Perfect Circle.  They're near the top of a short list of artists who siginificantly impacted my development as both a person and musician, along with the likes of Metallica, Jimi Hendrix, Devin Townsend, and Zakk Wylde. When I first came across APC my musical tastes hadn’t yet expanded to the point where I had even heard of Tool, let alone knew who Maynard James Keenan was.  I remember first seeing an ad on either MTV or VH1 (probably both if we’re being honest) for Mer de Noms that had song snippets from “Judith” and I knew I had to get my hands on it.  Maynard’s screaming, biting: “Talk to Jesus Christ as if he knows the reason why” lyric immediately resonated with me: the kid of hyper-religious, conservative Catholic parents.  I had yet to start learning guitar at that point in my life, but the octaves that made up the main guitar melody were like nothing I had ever heard before in any other song.  When I finally scavenged up enough money to buy the CD, the coded letters that were all over the packaging became a new hieroglyphic language that allowed me to write my own hidden notes, and I practiced writing that code near daily.  I would go see APC live a few months later in what would be the first ever concert I would attend without an adult (just me and my closest friend on our own making bad decisions that night).  The ticket stub to that show is actually still taped to the wall of my parent’s basement along with all sorts of other music posters, guitar ads, and other random mementos from my preteen and teenage misadventures.  With Mer de Noms, APC hit that absolute sweet spot of atmosphere, melody, heaviness, avant garde, and mystery to absolutely captivate a young and ostracized adolescent that craved something esoteric to give him a sense of having stumbled upon something special.  Hell, if we really want to get into it–-and why not at this point?–opening up a CD case only to find a picture of the lingerie-clad ass of a smoking hot woman on the inner lining was enough to inspire a bit of a sexual awakening, too… Now that everyone is uncomfortable, I should probably mention that the music on Mer de Noms is freaking great.  That helped a lot.  Probably more than the other stuff. When APC dropped Thirteenth Step in 2003 I was beyond excited but when I actually listened to it, I was actually a bit disappointed.  It felt darker, bleaker.  I still listened to it on near constant repeat for months, but it made me feel uncomfortable, on edge, and put me into a place that made me start to feel the first twinges of what would become a lifelong battle with major depression.  Mer de Noms wasn’t exactly every day listening either–it had its own sense of melancholy and angst–but Thirteenth Step was just darker.  And it makes sense that it would be darker: Thirteenth Step is a concept album about overcoming drug abuse and flips between the first person perspective of both the junky and the junky’s loved ones.  It’s ambitious, but its heavy shit, man.  And in retrospect I’m not sure I had the life experience when it was released to really appreciate what the album was trying to accomplish, and how scary the picture it paints really is at times.

Earlier today I listened to the song “Blue” off Thirteenth Step for the first time in a couple years and it took me on a journey, inspiring a couple of very powerful flashbacks.  When I got out of graduate school I worked for a Medical Examiner’s office.  I actually worked the overnight shift at the morgue–which was an experience!  Part of my job involved performing autopsies, but most nights I was working scene dispatch, performing intake on bodies, cataloging and storing a decedent's belongings, and doing some evidence collection.  Occasionally, I would go out into the field to do recovery which saw me traveling across the state and bearing witness to the rawest forms of human agony, grief, curiosity and depravity first hand. My job as a mortuary and forensic technician lasted about two years before I jumped ship to the private sector, but it doesn’t take long for an environment like that to leave a freaking mark.  My time also coincided with the start of what the CDC calls the Second Wave of Opioid Overdose Deaths in 2010.  Constantly being forced to confront literal death on a daily basis as part of my profession shaped me in ways I think I’m still processing on an unconscious level, and being a “last responder” on the front lines of the then burgeoning Opioid Crisis certainly gave me a new perspective on the world around me.

“Blue” is the fourth song on Thirteenth Step.  At this point in the album’s storyline, the protagonist has acquired drugs to temporarily sate their addiction (“The Package”), realized their need for help (“Weak and Powerless”), and are starting to confront the resulting guilt and shame that nags at them (“The Noose”).  “Blue” reveals the source of that guilt and describes a memory where the protagonist witnessed a female companion overdosing.  Rather than helping, the protagonist watches with fascination while at the same time mentally tries to distance themselves from what is happening.  The protagonist doesn’t intervene and the implication is that the woman dies.  The lyrics are haunting--“I just didn’t want to know… She’s turning blue”--and the dense and dissonant atmosphere of the song lends itself well to supporting the hazy but all too raw memory.

There were two cases I worked while at the morgue that pull heavily on the threads of my own memories when listening to this song:  Myself and a colleague responded to an overdose in a public housing complex.  The apartment was far from what I’d call a home.  The furniture was spartan at best and was clearly either donated to the renter by well-meaning charities or purchased at thrift stores like Good Will or Salvation Army.  The renter was still in the house and was clearly still high–he sat on a couch in the living area off the small kitchen.  A police officer was talking with him when we arrived. The body of the victim was in the middle of the kitchen area.  Since the room was so intermittently furnished, the corpse might as well have been the centerpiece tying the two spaces together; a macabre coffee table of sorts that would certainly be a conversation piece.  When we searched the body e found heroin and a needle in his pocket.

The dead man’s companion–I hesitate to call him friend, I have no idea what their relationship really was–watched us from the corner of his eye as we worked to catalog everything on the body and hand over evidence to the officer on scene.  He never said a word.  He tried to feign disinterest.  He seemed somehow ashamed and tried to hide it.  “I just didn’t want to know….” Several months later, I was at the morgue performing my nightly duties when a body was dropped off by one of the funeral homes we contracted to do recoveries during off hours.  When I worked the overnight shift, I was alone - literally the only living person in the building--so the funeral homes would help out by picking up decedents from public scenes like car crashes.  Like I said, working that job was an experience, man, and trust me when I say I have lots of stories. On this night the funeral home dropped off an overdose victim.  This one was a woman; mid-twenties.  She had been missing for several weeks.  She was found in a building known to local police as a drug house.  It was clear that she had been dead for maybe 2-4 days and was in early stage decomposition by the point our paths crossed.  Her blood had coagulated, liver mortis was clearly evident, and rigor had released, but she wasn’t yet bloated and the smell was pretty tame.  When she was alive it would have been fair to call her pretty.  Lying there on the gurney there was no way I would ever call her pretty – there was too much pain: an addict that had gone too far, a desperate family putting in a missing persons report that would never again see her alive, parents who lost their daughter.  Whatever attractiveness she had in life was nullified by the symbol of wasted potential, selfishness, and grief laying on the gurney.  Her face was still blue.

Listening to Thirteenth Step resonates very differently to me these days.  It shouldn’t be surprising having had the proximity to addiction and death that I did.  But listening to the album today, especially “Blue”, shook me.  Music has a way of doing that–giving us a medium to contextualize our memories.  Mer de Noms is a positive walk down memory lane for me.  It is the nostalgic Member Berry that encourages me to reminisce about what was one of the most transformative points in my life: when I started playing guitar, dating girls, sneaking out at night, and going to concerts. I listened to that album right as I began laying the groundwork for what would become my adult personality, and it shaped me deeply.  Thirteenth Step encourages a different set of memories, ones that are equally valuable in their own way, I guess, even if they are certainly uncomfortable.  What was originally a somewhat disappointing album release from a band that I deified is now terrifying and existential to me–and I both adore and fear it.

Wrapping up this post I have to say, I’m not really sure why I wrote it.  I’m even less sure about why I’m choosing to put it up on a public forum for literally anyone to read.  I guess I can package this up as an exercise in contrasts, or a story about how music contextualizes our experiences and personal growth, or even how a piece of music can have different meaning to us at different points of our lives. But I think more than anything else this post is cathartic and allows me to give structure to what were two very significant and still raw personal experiences and start to come to terms with them?  Maybe? I guess if I could leave you with any parting thoughts they would be: Music is powerful.  Drugs are bad.  Hug those close to you often. Thank you for reading. Horns up, Shea \m/ 

[cjsinkythoughts]

It’s All in the Perspective

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 4491

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Gun Violence, Minor Character Injury, A Peek at Angry Bucky, Explosions (if that’s a warning), Mentions of Stevie (I really miss him, guys)

A/N: So! Here it is! Part 4.3! After long hours of laboring and slaving away - kidding, kidding. I had a bit of trouble with this part, not gonna lie, because there’s a lot of feelings I wanted to try explaining. To do that, there’s a little sort of twist at the end that, once I decided to put in, made the chapter much smoother to write. I wasn’t happy with it at first, but now I’m satisfied.

There’s a lot of things happening in this one; it’s longer than I had anticipated because of the little snippet at the end I added. It’s got a few scene-for-scene things, but I kinda blew past it just to get to the characters’ emotions and stuff. Plus writing action like the shipping yard scene is hard when you’re not focusing entirely on that scene, which I wasn’t.

You’ll notice that the last little bit with Ayo (the Wakandan) isn’t in this. That’s because I couldn’t really find a way to fit it in and I’m assuming it will fit in better with next week’s episode.

Not beta’d, so please excuse any mistakes! Thank you wonderful people for reading and commenting! I enjoy hearing your opinions and what you like about the show and the series! Enjoy the final Part for Episode 3 and stay tuned for an announcement tomorrow about the One Shots I’ll be doing in relation to this series!

FATWS MASTERLIST

cjsinkythoughts MASTERLIST

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

You and Bucky kept sneaking glances at each other as you walked through the dock, weaving between the different colored shipping containers with Sharon leading the way. Every time you caught his eye, his ears turned red and he looked away, scanning your surroundings. Not that you were any better, immediately turning away when he turned your way.

You almost kissed him. Fuck. You couldn’t let that happen. He was your friend. Your teammate. He was the best friend to the man you fell in love with, who just so happened to be your best friend. Your best friend who left you. Your best friend who you promised you would watch out for Bucky. 

Bucky…who you also fell in love with. Whether or not it was because of Steve, the fact of the matter was: you loved him. You loved both of them. And you’d never loved anyone like that before. And one left. And the other was trying to navigate through his shitty life. And you weren’t any better. Which is why, you decided in that moment, that no matter how much you wanted to - and holy shit did you want to - you wouldn’t pursue. 

Yet. Maybe. Ugh! When did feelings become so complicated?!

When you started having them.

You silently grumbled to yourself, shaking your head clear. You had to focus and be in the moment. Now was not the time to sort out what to do about the suddenly rising emotions towards the cerulean eyed brunette currently burning with you with a gaze you refused to return.

“Alright.” Sharon stopped, making the group stop as well. “He’s in there. Container 4261. I’ll keep an eye out while you guys talk to Nagel. But hurry; we’re on borrowed time.”

You each grabbed one of the earpieces she held in her palm, slipping it comfortably in your ear. “I’ll stay back with you.” Sharon went to talk, but you cut her off. “I’d feel better knowing it’s not just you out here.”

She pursed her lips, before nodding. “Alright. If that’s what you want.”

“Doll-”

“I’ll be fine, Buck.” You insisted, checking your gun to make sure it was loaded. Bucky stayed quiet, nodding in begrudging acceptance.

You and Sharon headed off as the boys went towards the storage unit. “Just like old times, huh?” Sharon raised an eyebrow at you.

You grinned, shoving your gun in the thigh holster she let you borrow. “Let the good times roll, babe.”

“Absolutely.” Sharon winked, before you two split up to cover more ground. It wasn’t long before Sharon announced company and you took off sprinting in her direction.

You got to her just as more thugs approached her from behind, immediately lunging into action.

“Hey, so, we never finished that conversation!”

You grunted as you roundhouse kicked a guy, hooking your knee over his shoulder and pulling him to the ground by the neck “Really?! You wanna do that now?!”

“Sure! I’m not too busy!”

You rolled your eyes at her reply, seeing her knock a guy unconscious before she turned around to knee another one in the face. “What were we talking about?”

“Why’re you holding back?”

“It’s complicated!” You elbowed a guy in the ribs, flipping him over your shoulder and twisting his arm till a sickening crack sounded.

“Because of Steve?!”

“Yes - no! Kind of!” 

Sharon was on the floor choking a guy out as you slammed a guy’s head into a shipping container, pushing him at another guy. “You loved him didn’t you?! And I mean, like in love with him!”

“Who?!” You laced your fingers around the back of his head and brought his face down onto his knee.

“Director Fury!” You gave her a look which she snorted at. “Steve, you dumbass! Who else?!”

“Yeah! No shit I was in love with him!” You ran up the side of a storage unit to do a backflip and land on some guy’s shoulders, choking him out. Before he fell, you rolled off, tripping a guy in the process and elbowing his throat.

“Well at least you’re admitting it now!”

You were hit in the back of the head, thrown into a wrestle with another guy on the ground. You bit his hand, making him cry out, before you headbutted him. 

“You couldn’t even hear his name without having to remind people you were ‘just friends’!”

“We were just friends, Share! You know that!”

You heard her shoot of a gun a few times as you smacked someone in the back of the head with the butt of your gun, trying to save ammo. “You really never did anything about it?!”

“No!”

She glanced at you incredulously from across the way, bodies now littering the ground. “And you don’t regret that?”

“No.” You sighed at her look, relenting. “Yes. Kind of. I dunno. I mean…he’s happy with his decision, and for me that’s enough.”

“But doesn’t it hurt?”

“Of course it hurts. It hurts like hell. But-”

“But you still have him so it’s all good.”

You bit your lip, shrugging. “Something like that.”

Sharon tilted her head, confused. “So why don’t you tell him?”

“I dunno. I don’t think either of us is ready.”

“C’mon. I saw you two earlier. You should’ve just kissed him.”

Rolling your eyes, you frowned when you noticed something missing. “Ah shit. My ear piece. It must’ve fallen out earlier.” You looked around, but Sharon stopped you, nodding her head between a couple shipping containers. 

“Don’t worry about it. Mine broke a little while ago, too. Let’s go get the guys. Tell them we need to leave.”

You nodded and started running with her to the unit Nagel’s lab was in. You followed her around the corner, only to widen your eyes and shove her out of the way. Two gunshots rang out, Sharon catching the guy right between the eyes, while the man’s bullet grazed your shoulder.

“Ow, fuck.” You hissed, hand immediately going up to clamp your wound.

“Dammit! You shouldn’t have done that, you idiot!”

You gave her a look. “You’re welcome.”

Rolling her eyes, she quickly tore off part of your shirt. “Hey!”

“First off, this is my shirt. Second, I’m just making it more of a crop top. Third, it’s your own fault, so quit your whining.”

“Touchy touchy.” You grumbled, wincing when she tied it around your arm.

“Just come on. And hey,” she turned to you as she sprinted with your wrist in her hold. “My advice? Don’t wait. Seriously. I know it must be weird, the whole he’s his best friend, he was your best friend, now he’s your best friend, thing you’ve got going on, but there’s nothing else stopping you. Steve made his choice. And he’d be fine with whatever you choose as long as you’re happy.”

You shook your head. “But Bucky’s still healing-”

“So? He’s already been on dates. I think you’re just using that as an excuse to protect your heart from hurting again. Trust me; Barnes isn’t going anywhere.”

Not able to respond since you were making your way to the guys in Nagel’s lab, you bit your lip, hating that she got the last say in the conversation. She definitely planned it so she would. “We’re outta time, fellas.”

As if things couldn’t get worse Zemo - that fucking snake, you knew he was gonna do something stupid - took out a gun he got from who knows where. You sure as hell didn’t let him have a gun. Before you could stop him, he shot Nagel, your best, your only, lead.

“Goddammit!” You growled as Sam and Sharon restrained him. “You fucking-”

The explosion came next, again happening faster than you could react. Bucky grabbed you and pulled you underneath him, covering you with his body as glass and metal flew around you. With ringing ears, you groaned, squinting your eyes open.

“Y/N, are you okay?”

You were vaguely aware of the alarms going off, a red light blinking behind Bucky’s head. You nodded, his worried eyes softening just slightly at your response. “We gotta get out-”

“I know, I know. C’mon.” He helped you up, eyes catching sight of the makeshift bandage on your arm. “Dammit, what did you do?”

“I’m fine.” You pushed his hands off. “Go help Sharon. We’ve gotta move. Now.” He huffed, but nodded and moved over to get Sharon. You tried to see where Zemo went through the smoke, but he was already gone.

You four made it just before the whole thing combusted due to the chemicals in the lab. So much for any evidence or leads.

The moment you got out, you were thrust into a gunfight, rolling your eyes as Bucky and Sam, once again, did their own thing.

“Are they always like this?”

“Usually it’s worse. Wait until they start arguing about who was right.” Sharon gave you an unamused look to which you nodded at, ducking when a bullet whizzed by you. “I know. It’s so annoying.”

Sure enough, when Bucky ran out of bullets, the bickering commenced, making you huff and Sharon shout at them. “Are they serious?”

You shot a few more bullets before your gun started clicking. “Dammit. Unfortunately.”

“I’m out!”

“Me too!”

Another explosion and a person you couldn’t see clearly through the haze caused a distraction for you guys to get away, Sam practically shoving you and Sharon into an open shipping container as Bucky took care of a couple more bounty hunters.

“What happened? Both of your comms went out.” Bucky growled once he came in behind you, grabbing your forearm to study your wound.

“It’s just a graze. Chill your ass down. I lost my earpiece and Sharon’s broke.”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed, his voice low with warning. “What. Happened.”

“We rounded a corner, the guy was there. I shoved Sharon, he shot, she shot, I got hit, he’s now dead. Happy?”

“You promised.” He snapped, finger tightening on your arm. “You said you’d save yourself first.”

“Buck, let go.” Grabbing his wrist, you tugged a bit, wincing slightly. “Seriously. Stop. That hurts.”

He blinked, his features slacking and his fingers immediately dropping your arm. “Doll, I-I…fuck.” He turned to go punch through the back wall to get out of the unit you were in.

Before you could respond and tell him it was fine, the Baron himself drove up in a slick blue convertible. You groaned at Bucky’s response to Zemo. “We need him.” God, you were getting tired of hearing that.

“You’re lucky I don’t bash your head in.” You growled at him. 

“If you try that shit again-”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Sam raised an eyebrow when Bucky got into the passenger’s seat with no hesitation, looking at you. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but you shrugged and slipped into the back with Sam. Bucky and you always took the back seat. You had ever since the dumb little blue car Steve got.

You hugged Sharon in parting, knowing she couldn’t come with. “Hey.” She looked at you sternly. “Take a leap.”

“We’ll see.” You told her, sitting down and buckling.

“Do better than that, Y/L/N. And get me that pardon you promised me.” She told Sam, pointing at him..

“Thanks for everything.” She nodded, before jogging off in the opposite direction you’d be heading. Sam turned back to the front, an annoyed expression crossing his face. “You’re not gonna move your seat up, are you?”

“No.”

You snickered as Sam shot you a glare, Zemo starting to drive the car out of the shipping yard, away from the chaos.

****************

You collapsed onto the seat in front of Bucky, leaning onto the knee he had propped up against the back. He glanced up at you, face blank, before looking back down at his metal hand he was cleaning.

“Here. Let me see-”

“I got it.” He grumbled, shifting away from where your hands reached for his.

Your eyes widened, stunned at his reaction. “Bucky, just let me-”

“I said no, Y/N.” Your name. Again. You can’t remember him calling you ‘doll’ since before the shipping yard explosion.

“Are you okay?” He merely grunted. You straightened off his leg, swatting his knees with the back of your hand. “Hey.”

He shifted again, planting his feet on the floor. “Stop.”

“No.”

He shot you a warning glare. “Y/N-”

“Stop calling me that.”

“It’s your name, isn’t it?”

“What is wrong with you?” You scrunched up your features in confusion and concern. “Is this about my arm? I told you it’s fine.” You got no response except his eye flickering to your now properly bandaged shoulder. “Why are you acting so weird?”

He shrugged. “I’m not.”

You scoffed in disbelief, jaw dropping. “You’re not.”

“Nope.”

“Fine.” You stood up, brushing your legs off, the bare skin having splotches and smears of dirt and dust. “If you wanna be like that, go ahead. Brood. Be a child. When you’re ready to talk to me about whatever the hell is bothering you, like an adult, I’ll be in the back room.”

You only took two steps before he called out for you. “Doll.” You turned around, an expectant look on your features as you crossed your arms, shifting your weight to one foot. He looked up at you nervously, before looking down and picking at the metal plates of his hand. “I got scared.”

Your features softened, your head tilting gently. “Scared?”

“When you stopped talking. You and Sharon…you were talking. But both of your comms went down around the same time and I…it scared me. I-I don’t get scared anymore. Not the way I did when your voice stopped. I didn’t mean to hurt you…” His voice got quieter at the last sentence, his eyes looking to the purple handprint on your forearm.

“It was an accident, Buck.” You reassured him, settling back down in front of him. “It’s fine. You were still reeling it in from the bar. I know it’s hard for you to judge your strength like that. Steve had problems like that too.” You looked down at the rag he was holding, putting your hand out.

He licked his lips, before handing you the rag. You got off the couch to shift so you were sitting between his legs, his chest to your back. Holding his metallic hand between both of yours, you set to work, gingerly wiping away the grime, picking at the filth that wedged itself between the plates.

“He,” you chuckled, shaking your head at the moment you were remembering. “He accidentally gave me a concussion once when we were sparring. At first it was awesome; he got me my favorite take out and took me to the movies and all that. But then he just started getting annoying. Wouldn’t even let me reach for the TV remote on the coffee table a yard away.”

“Can I ask you something?” You hummed, tilting your head slightly when you felt his chin hooking on your shoulder, giving him more room. “How long did you love him?”

Freezing, you raised an eyebrow and turned to face him. “What?”

“You and Sharon. When you were talking…your comms were on.”

“How-” You swallowed thickly, a lump suddenly forming in the back of your throat. “How much did you hear?”

“Yours went out right after you admitted you were in love with him. Hers went out after you said you were just friends.”

Holding in a sigh of relief, you went back to cleaning his hand. “I don’t really know exactly when it happened. After the Battle of New York, maybe. So 2012, I guess? I dunno. I was getting up from falling for him, though. A few years later.”

“Was?”

“I - yeah. I kind of…fell again.”

He hummed, leaning back, taking his chin off your shoulder and unwinding his arm from your waist. “He’s an easy person to fall for. Hell, I’m pretty sure I had a crush on him once upon a time.”

You chuckled at that, raising an eyebrow over your shoulder at him. “I never said I fell for him again. But, yeah. You’re right.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “You like someone else?”

“It’s…complicated.”

“Oh…” He cleared his throat as you went back to his hand. “Uh…so you don’t still love him? Steve, I mean?”

“He was the first person I really loved, Bucky. A part of me will always love him.”

Bucky fingers twitched in your hold, the fingers on his other hand tapping against his thigh. “You know…he loved you too.”

You sighed, closing your eyes. “Don’t do that.”

“It’s true-”

“He left, James. If he loved me, why would he leave?”

You could feel his hesitation as his next words left his lips. “I-I dunno.” That was a lie. You could hear it in his voice. If there was one person Steve trusted more than you, it was Bucky. Of course he knew.

“Listen, I really don’t want to talk about this-”

“It’s in the notebook.” You bit your lip as Bucky shifted, pulling out the little notebook from his pocket. “He made lists - he liked lists. He made lists of things you said that made him laugh. Songs that reminded him of you. Little quirks you do that he noticed over the years. He missed you every time you went on a mission and prayed you’d get back safely.”

“James, please-”

“He didn’t want me to let you know. But I had to tell you. You have to know. He loved you.”

You let out a shaky breath as he placed the book on your thigh. You stared at it for a moment, before grabbing it and placing it in his left hand, closing his fingers around it and standing up. “I think…I’m gonna go rest for a bit in the back room. Holler if you need me.”

You didn’t wait for a response, moving quickly to the small back room of the plane which you got dressed in only a couple days ago. It only had one arm chair and instead of a door there was a curtain, but you were fine with that, plopping down in the chair and reclining.

Why? Why would he bring that up? Did he hear more than he said? Was he trying to let you down easy before you could even tell him how you felt? Did he get spooked after dancing? After the almost-kiss?

You never thought of Steve in the wrong. After all he’d done for the world in his life, he deserved to be selfish - to be happy. And Peggy gave him that. But why? Why would he leave if he loved you so dearly? If he really did what Bucky said? He wouldn’t. He’s not cruel. He wouldn’t up and leave, without even saying goodbye, knowing how deeply you loved him and feeling the same about you. This was Steven Grant Rogers for crying out loud! He wouldn’t…right?

But Bucky…he wouldn’t lie to you. He wouldn’t tell you that, especially knowing how much you missed the lovable blonde. And you knew his words held at least some truth. Actions spoke louder than words, and as something Bucky said repeated itself in your mind, you started slipping into a memory, your eyes shutting and your breaths evening out.

“He missed you every time you went on a mission and prayed you’d get back safely.”

~

The incessant knocking made you groan, shouting that you were coming and mumbling curses. You barely threw open the door before his worried voice hit your ears. “Are you okay? Were you hurt?”

“Stevie.” You sighed, rubbing your eyes and looking over at the clock on the wall. “Bubs…it’s two in the morning. I just got back, like, an hour ago.”

He shuffled, pink lips in a pout, eyes round and distressed. “I know, honey. I know. I’m sorry. But I heard you got hurt-”

You shook your head, a small giggle of amusement leaving your lips and you lifted your right hand, letting him see the black split holding your ring and pinky fingers. “I jammed my fingers in a door. The doc said I’ll be fully healed in a month at most.”

His eyes darted across your face and down your body, scanning for any more injuries. After glancing at your hands again, they finally landed on your eyes once more. Next thing you knew, you were being held against his chest, his face in the crook of your neck. You hummed softly, running your fingers down his spine, moving the two of you deeper into your apartment so you could shut the door.

“Don’t ever do that again. I gotta have faith in something and if you come home hurt, it’ll be crushed.”

Your eyebrows knit together. At his strange wording. “What’s that mean?”

“It means you have to promise me you’ll stay safe, honey.” He pulled back and held your face between his hands. “Please.”

“I can promise I’ll try my best.” You teased lightly, smiling at him and booping his nose, making him grin, although it was strained. “Why don’t you stay here tonight? We’ll turn on some TV in my room and you can keep me safe while I get much needed sleep.”

That made his grin relax into a real one, his head nodding in agreement. “Sounds perfect.”

“C’mon, bubs.” You took his hand, leading him to your room. “Maybe we’ll get lucky and you’ll catch some zzzz’s too.”

~

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

“What the hell was that?”

Bucky turned to Sam, who was gaping at him in utter disbelief, looking from the assassin to the doorway Y/N just walked through. “She needed to know.”

“Buck, she’s been dealing with some shit. And we both know something’s going on that she isn’t telling us. Her “zoning out” isn’t just zoning out, and we know that. She doesn’t need you confusing her even more.”

“Confusing her?”

Sam blinked, his troubled expression falling into a deadpan. “Are you fucking with me? No. There’s no way you’re that naive. Seriously?! Man, c’mon!”

Bucky scrunched up his face. “What?”

“She likes you, man! Everyone knows it!”

The brunette shook his head, forehead creased. “No. No, you heard her, Sam. She’s in love with Steve.”

“Was in love. As in past tense.”

“But-but she said- she likes someone else-”

“Barnes!” Sam threw his hands up, exasperated. “You are someone else!”

“I thought you two were already-”

Bucky pointed warningly at Zemo. “Watch it. Wait, wait-” He turned back to Sam. “But I heard her-”

“Bucky…man…” Sam sighed, shaking his head. “Listen, I can’t tell you everything. I’m not about to break my girl’s trust like that. But you gotta hear me when I tell you she likes you. What do you think almost happened at the party?”

“She - I - it was…an accident?”

Sam spluttered, eyes wide. “An accident? You two grinding and nearly making out was an accident?!”

“Woah! We were not…grinding-”

Zemo hummed. “Hmm…you kind of were.”

Bucky glared at him. “Thin. Fucking. Ice.” He whipped back to Sam. “I just remind her of him.”

“What?! That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! You remind her of Steve? Yes, granted your both dumbasses, but she knows both of you enough to know there’s quite a few big differences.”

“Wilson-”

Sam held up his hand, shutting Bucky up. “You like her. Yes or no.”

Bucky huffed, looking down at the hand she was holding only minutes ago. “Yes.” He finally relented. “Since the first couple months in Wakanda.”

“Steve liked her. Yes or no.”

He ran a hand through his hair, nodding his head. “Yes. Yes he liked her. I wasn’t lying about that.”

“So explain something to me.” Sam crossed his arms. “Why is it that Steve isn’t here, and you are?”

Bucky crossed his arms, brooding - although he’d never admit it - while staring out the window. “Steve…knew. I liked her. And, yes, he loved her, but he also loved Peggy. So he…”

“He told you to take your chance with Y/N, and he went back to be with his first love.”

HYDRA’s former fist nodded with a sigh. “Something like that.”

“You need to tell her.”

“I can’t.”

Sam groaned. “Why not?!”

“Because!” Bucky took a breath, trying not to shout and alert the sleeping girl in the room over, his ears tuning into her slowed heartbeat to make sure she was okay. “Because Steve has her heart, Sam. The whole thing just…I’m jealous of him. Because he got her first. And then I get mad because he didn’t do shit about it. And then I feel guilty because all the shit he put up with for me and here I am complaining…and then I just get…depressed because he’s not here. I used to be the one who fixed his problems. But after I got out…he’s been the one fixing mine. And I just…I don’t know what to do.”

Sam shook his head, rolling his eyes. “I get it. That’s valid. But stop whining and moping around about it. It happened. And you need to get your shit together. If not for your sake, for hers. Because she lost him too. And she’s probably feeling those exact same feelings.”

“But…she’s his girl-”

“No. She’s not. He made his choice.” Sam nodded towards Bucky. “Now you gotta make yours,  Buckaroo.”

He shot him a glare. “You can’t call me that.”

“Why not? Y/N calls you that.”

“Y/N has a plan.”

“We both know that’s not true, Buckaroo. Hey! That one rhymed!”

Bucky shook his head with a scowl. “I will beat your ass, Wilson.”

Sam scoffed, shoving Bucky’s head playfully. “Stop being a dumbass and tell her. Buckaroo.”

“That’s it!”

Bucky tackled Sam to the ground, Zemo giving them an amused expression before leaving to talk to Oeznik. They were so wrapped up in their wrestling session, they didn’t notice the woman leaning against the wall, tired eyes barely opened as her eyebrows raised, unimpressed.

“Are you fellas done?’

They both stopped, shooting up when they noticed her. “Doll, I-”

She shook her head. “Don’t, Buck. Not right now. I’m just really tired.”

“Did we wake you?” Sam winced.

She shook her head again, yawning. “No. I just needed to use the restroom.”

Bucky couldn’t help the small smile as she rubbed her eyes, stretching her arms overhead, making that ripped crop top ride higher up. She was too cute. And she didn’t even realize it.

“Sleep well, doll. We’ll try to keep it down.”

She nodded, turning and waving over her shoulder. “You two try getting sleep, too, alright? Goodnight, Sammy.”

“Night, cher.”

“Sweetheart?” She peeked through the curtain, tilting her head slightly. “You know I love you, right?”

A small smile quirked up her lips, but it was sadder than the ones his question usually elicited. “As long as you know I love you.”

He nodded, returning the half-smile. “G’night, doll.”

“Goodnight, Buckaroo.”

[mistresscurvy]

Frank Iero Podcast Excerpts - Transcripts

So in March of this year, Frank linked to a podcast interview he had done on The First Ever Podcast. It's hosted by Jeremy Bolm, who's the lead singer for a post-hardcore band and is very much Frank's music contemporary - they have a lot of personal and professional contacts in common. As is probably obvious from the title, the podcast has a question format that focuses on a person's "first evers," so Frank talks about the first album he bought, the first instrument he played, the first band he formed, his first ever gig, etc. While listening to it, I had the thought that there were a couple of snippets about My Chem that would be worth transcribing, but I didn't, and then the moment passed me by.

That moment has returned, friends! I am not transcribing the whole thing because writing up a ninety minute podcast is a bit more than I can do lol, but I do recommend listening to it all because Frank is a delight as per usual and it's nice listening to him chat with a guy who clearly gets it. I am putting in time stamps for the parts I am transcribing, in case you want to go to these bits and hear them in Frank's voice. Enjoy!!! OUR BAND IS BACK, YOU GUYS.

36:57, on how he joined My Chem

Jeremy: So I know around that time My Chemical Romance had started, and you were aware of them, like you saw them play and all of that. Was it kind of serendipitous that your band was ending and they needed a guitar player?

Frank: Yes. But it was still very sad, because like the remnants of Pencey, we made it home [from tour], and we tried another go of it, like alright, we'll do another [iteration] of this band, we'll write some new songs, and we'll do something. And then, as that was going--it was arduous, you know, so the drummer eventually was over it, didn't want to do it anymore, and I was holding on so tight to try to keep it together, and that's when, you know, I met the guys in My Chem. And they were--they had three songs, they did a demo in their drummer's attic, and they were like the best songs I had heard of any band coming out of the scene. I was like holy shit, like this band is so good, and like they were kids that I hadn't really seen touring around or playing around. It felt like they came out of nowhere and just wrote these songs. And so, they were like hands down my favorite band that was coming around. So I said to them, I was like listen, we have this practice studio, you guys are too good to not practice. You gotta just come here and we'll hang out and you guys can share the room with us. And as my band was ending, they were starting. I remember when they came to my house one night, it was like really late, and I had this like dead end street by my house. And they're like yo uh, come with us and we're going to take a walk and talk to you about something. And I was like, alright, I'm either at the end of this going to be in the band, or they're gonna kill me, like--

J: They're gonna jump me.

F: (Laughs) Yeah, like I've been in both situations, I don't know how to read this. But I felt like I could maybe take one or two of them, so that was okay. And we ended up going for the walk and they told me that they knew that Pencey was, or whatever that band was at the time, I think it was called I am the Graveyard, was ending, and they wanted another guitar player, and they thought it'd be awesome if I joined. And I joined the band that night. And it was fucking awesome. I got to join my favorite band. 

39:42, on whether he missed singing when he joined My Chem

J: Did you feel a relief about, okay now I just get to play guitar?

F: Fuck yeah, fuck yeah, yes, finally. (giggles)

J: I just wondered if you had any sort of like, oh I'm gonna miss being the singer. 

F: No, zero aspirations to be the singer, never ever ever. I like to write songs, and I do get that tinge of like, uhhhh, giving a song over to someone else to sing, because it feels weird sometimes to do that, but I would much rather not have to be on a microphone and just play guitar. I do feel like also, if you listen to--say you listen to like My Chem, right, if you were to listen to those songs, especially like the ones when I'm really in the band, like Three Cheers and Black Parade and Danger Days, if you listen to my guitar parts, they are like a backing vocal a lot of the time. And that's stuff that I've always enjoyed doing is finding those melodies that support or kinda fight the main vocal, and without actually having to do it with my voice. That's always been my thing, it's like how do I talk and not use this. 

J: That's super interesting, so like, when it comes to the songwriting process with My Chem, was the structure usually there by the time you were like going to add to it, because that comes to mind because if Gerard had a vocal melody, were you like, okay, well if you're going to do that, well I'm going to fucking do this?

F: That was always the thing for me, I like to write when a structure is there, especially for My Chem. If I know what Gerard's going to do, then it's easier for me to cement my parts, as opposed to just kind of going for it and imagining where he's gonna like [go]. But it's weird, it's only like that in that band, which is kinda strange. Like other bands, it's a lot of you know, nailing down structures and then kinda letting the singer do his thing on top and seeing where things are. I like to, I don't know if it's the way that Gerard sings that makes it so fun to do that, it's strange because him and Ray especially, the way that their brains work are unlike anyone else that I've ever played with. The melodies that they go for and just, Gerard can hum something and then Ray will go underneath and he makes a choice that's so bizarre that I never would have thought of, that it's fun for me to then go on top and add another flavor to it. It's one of those bands that should not work, but it does. It's really fucking weird. And for a long time it was one of those things where it was hard for me to, like, put into words, it still is, that band is an anomaly, it's really really strange how that works. 

J: When those people come together and find all those different things, you just hear it back the first time and you're like, I guess this song makes sense. It shouldn't make sense, but it makes sense. And not only does it make sense but it's got an appeal to it, it's far reaching. So um, whatever you figured out, I think it worked out alright. 

F: Thank you, I appreciate it. So far, so good. (laughs)

43:53, on joining the writing process of Bullets

J: So when you went into the first record, I Brought you the Bullets record, I think I saw that you had written a couple of songs on that, but maybe a lot of it had already been written. Is that fair?

F: Yeah, a lot of it had been written. And I think that was one of the things too, coming into it. I didn't want to, you know, like, it's hard. Because like, they're a band and they're writing a record, their debut record, and they've asked you to join, so like, what is that like. Do you come to the room and take your dick out and piss all over everything and make your mark, or do you take a step back and see how things are working, and then, almost like subversively, like, put your stuff in there, without stirring it up too much? I wanted to take a backseat and see what I felt like I could bring, without like, you know, mucking it up too much. Plus, this was the first time I had ever been in a band with people that were essentially strangers to me, really. Like I didn't know any of these guys really well. We met at parties at the eyeball house and we hung out at the studio, but I didn't know them. They had all grown up together, of course Mikey and Gerard are brothers, but they knew Ray and Matt--Otter--for a long time, so I was the new guy in. So It was weird. I didn't want to rock the boat too much, but I also knew that there were some things I could add. Three songs we all wrote fully together, the rest were just kind of like, alright what do you want on this song, let me see what I can do. 

101:08, on pressures going into Black Parade:

So then going into Black Parade, I think for us it was like yeah, there's a lot of pressure, a lot of people are concerned, you know, because it's the sophomore thing, but we were under the impression that everyone was going to hate that record anyway, like it's your sophomore major label record, like no one's supposed to like it. So we were like okay, so if we're going to go and make a record and everyone's going to fucking hate it regardless and we're going to lose all our fans, like let's make the most craziest batshit record we can make, and that was really our mindset, like alright, get into the bubble, don't listen to fucking anybody, make all the wrong decisions, the ones that we always wanted to make that no one can tell us not to, because this is it. Like the working title of the record was The Rise and Fall of My Chemical Romance, we're planning on like, now we're getting really big and now we're going to make this record and everyone's going to fucking hate this thing and that's it. That's where our heads were. So I think the pressure inside was like, alright, make the best thing you can because this is your last chance to do it. 

So yeah!!! Just a couple of snippets, and like I said I really do recommend the whole thing, it's just a great overview of Frank's career both in and out of My Chem. Can't wait to fucking see him play in his favorite band again this summer and fall <3 

[beepbeepstfu]

ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE AU SNIPPET N.2

“Shit!”

The car swerved left, then right as Bill white-knuckled the wheel and the tires screeched.

“Oi, Big Bill! You're the only one here with a license so fucking act like it!”

Richie yelled from his place in the trunk, next to Mike and Bev, swinging his bat at the few zombies able to run fast enough to keep up and get too close.

“I'm truh-t-tr-truh-tr-fucking trying!”

Then came a rattling sound, followed by another, slightly louder and then one, two beats of silence that reminded Richie of the time all the losers had brought Firecrackers to the Quarry and he had lit the first one.

“Billy, what was that?”

They had waited for one, two, three seconds, holding their breaths.

“I- I don't know- G-Georg-Georgie.”

And then boom, a loud burst and they jumped, flinched and laugh.

Only they didn't laugh this time.

“IS THAT SMOKE?!”

Eddie's voice was panicked and raspy, like he had just swallowed a thousand tiny shards of glass, and sand, and rocks.

“Holy shit the CAR IS SLOWING DOWN BILL, WHY IS THE CAR SLOWING DOWN?!”

Bev cried as Mike hit a zombie and it tumbled off the trunk, hitting the road with a nasty squelch and the distinct cracking sound of bones clinking together. Richie stared, throat burning at the sight, and felt like wretching.

“I- I Duh-Duhn- I- I- I- duh- shit! I DON'T KNOW!”

“Stop, stop the car, it's dangerous to keep going uh- stop it-”

Stan tried, his breath heavy and his words frantic as he pushed back into his seat, trying to melt and become one with the leather.

“Guys what- Fuck! Shit!”

Richie felt the car jump, Ben scream, then Georgie shriek, then the car rattle some more and, with a final puff, it stopped, the bitter scent of smoke meeting the unbearable stench of rotten meat.

“Bill! What happened?! Why did you stop?! They're- They're getting closer!”

Mike jumped off the trunk and Bev fired and fired. A bullet hit a zombie's arm and it flew off, scattering blood and moldy pieces of meat on the ground. Another hit a zombie square in the head, in the eye, making it explode with a wet sound that made Richie's stomach churn.

He could feel himself starting to shake, his hands sweating so much he lost his grip on the bat, and he heard his father's voice in the back of his head; “Oh Maggie, the boy's pale as a sheet, he must have a fever!”. He thinks he can hear his mother's quick steps down the hall, but once he blinks a couple of times he realizes it's gunshots. No, not just gunshots, Bev's also yelling at him. And so is Mike, and Ben, when did he get out of the truck?

“Richie can you fucking hear me?!”

Ben sounded desperate, and Richie knew that if his shoulder hadn't been broken he would have jumped into the trunk and thrown him off and on the road.

“Y-yeah I-”

he tried, but his father, in his head, cut him off before he could finish; “Get him to the car! We need to go to the hospital!” and his head spun, he swayed, the ground slipped from under his feet, and in a moment he was throwing up his guts on the asphalt.

“Jesus Christ man!”

His sight were blurry and his mind blank for a few secons.

“Eddie! It's Eddie! he wants you!”

Ben's voice sounded far, far away, but heaving out a sigh he pulled himself up and clenched his hands.

“Where is he?”

“In- in front of the bonnet!”

Bonnet, what the fuck is a bonnet? He thought, nodding and heading over to Ben, hopping off the trunk.

“Guys we could USE some fucking help! Tell Bill to get his ass out here!”

“Bev, shoot!”

“Sorry, Mike--I'm-I'm almost out of bullets do you have another re-load or recharge ro whatever the fuck it's called?!”

Richie could see Ben itching to help and, suddenly, felt bad that he couldn't. He knew Ben, he knew the big heart inside the big boy worked hard to be useful, and kind, and lovable. And he was, he always was, but most of the time he didn't see it, because that's how it works. People are good, and nice, and selfless, but they never acknowledge it, they never have the guts to. He's seen this in Bev too, and the way she plays around with compliments, in Mike when he sniffs and laughs at them without ever really addressing it and hoping no one notices, in Stan and how he smiled a tightlipped smile that means “Not really, but thank you.”, he's noticed it in Eddie, how he can't look anybody in the face without glowering, and Bill too, who hummed a “Thanks” and looked away. He's noticed it in himself too, the dire need to get the attention off of him as soon as he received a compliment, the unsettling crawling feeling in his stomach that sounds like its growling “not fair! not fair!”.

Following Ben Richie found himself in front of what was, apparently, a bonnet and next to a pasty Eddie who looked moments away from fainting.

“You know how to fix cars, Eds?”

“No... Well, I have no practical experience but I've read enough, I think I can do it, god I hope I can.”

“Since when are you into cars?”

“Since always. It- with my father.”

Richie froze. Eddie never mentioned his father, and if he did it was only to Bill or to talk about cancer and how deadly cigarettes could be. It stung a little bit, because of course it did, but none of them wanted to be pushy so they had dropped the subject years ago, and Richie still remembers the grateful spark in Eddie's eyes, the quiet “Thank you.” that came so naturally to him.

“Okay, what do you need me to do?”

“Just- hold the hood.”

“What?!”

“What?”

“You ʼneed me hereʼ just to hold the the hood?! ”

Eddie seemed hesitant for a few seconds, scanning Richie's face and opening and closing his mouth a couple of times like a fish.

“I- Not just- just hold the fucking hood okay?!”

“Eddie I should be fighting with the others now!”

“But I need you here, Richie! I have never done this and-and I can't do it alone! Last time I touched a car it was with him. I- I need you here.”

Frank again. Richie's mouth snapped shut. He blinked a couple of times and nodded, popping open the hood and holding it above both their heads. Almost immediately a bluish cloud of smoke wafted back into their faces and he heard Bill yell;

“Puh-Please muh-m-muh-mm-MOVE!”

And then a crashing sound, a wail and Richie coughed and coughed until he feared he would hurl again.

“What's with the smoke?!”

He asked in a raspy voice.

“The- it could be the water tank but uh- that'd be steam, so no. I- I think it... shit uh... Oh god I can't do this. I can't just- I don't know what I'm doing! And-”

Richie could feel Eddie's chest tightening around his lungs, could feel the tears in his eyes.

“Eddie, Eddie, Eds. Look at me.”

He grabbed his face, one hand on either side, and looked him in the eyes.

“You can do this, okay? At least you can try. Now breathe for me.”

“But what- what if-”

“No 'what if'-s, let's just try. I'm here, we all are. Bev, Mike and Bill are fighting for us, Ben is ready to jump into action—no I'm serious, he's dying to help.— and Stan is- where's Stan?”

“He's in the truck, trying to calm Georgie down.”

“See? We're all here, now go play. You owe it to yourself.”

Eddie nodded and took in a deep breath, almost entirely unbothered by the smoke.

“Okay, I can do this. I know how to do this.”

“That's my Eddie-bear!”

He scowled at him, Richie smiled and pulled away, stuffing an hand into his pocket and holding the hood open with the other.

“So, what can cause the uh, car to smoke?”

“Uhm...it could be the spark plugs, an oil leak, or the uh, the head gaskets could be blown?”

“Ok. I have no clue what that means but how can we know which one it is?”

Eddie bit his lip and scrunched his nose, thinking.

“The... the engine?”

“Uuuuh..?”

He fiddled around with a hand through the smoke, touching here and there until he found what he was looking for and waited a couple of seconds.

“Ha! If it's not overheating it's totally an oil leak!”

“Yes, keep going!”

He furrowed his brows and tried to see through the bluish blurriness in front of him.

“I need to check the oil.. dipstick, the dipstick...”

“Rich coming from me, but now is really not the time for name calling, Eds.”

“No you moron! I'm looking for the dipstick!”

Eddie laughed and Richie felt a little happier. Maybe it wasn't the time, maybe they should get a move on, but he knew well enough Eddie wouldn't do well under pressure, certainly not this.

-

“Give me your shirt.”

Without hesitation Richie pulled his shirt off his shoulders and handed it to Eddie who used it as a cloth to touch... something?

“I'm not gonna get that back, am I?”

“Nope. Sorry.”

“Right.”

A few minutes later a panicked Mike appeared by their side, clothes dirty and splatters of blood on his face.

“There's- there's an horde in the distance. We need the car.”

Richie looked at Eddie, saw his eyes widen, his breath stutter and his resolve crumble.

“I- I've checked the oil, when's the lats time you changed it? how long has the truck been doing this?”

“Been doing what?”

“Smoking and leaking oil!”

“I have no clue! It... I've never..? I don't know. But we last changed the oil like uh, two months ago.”

“Okay, that's fine. We're low on oil, and I think.. I think it's the engine gaskets. Do you have spares or something?”

“No, but I think I have some oil leak additive?”

“That works yes, that can work.”

With a nod Mike set off to rummage in the trunk, and Richie realized he had tuned out the sounds of Bev and Bill grunting and of the corpses squelching and tumbling.

“You're doing great, Eds.”

“I feel like I'm about to fucking faint, Richie.”

“Well you look like it too.”

He punched Eddie's shoulder softly and received a tiny grin in response that made his stomach twist.

“Okay, I'm here, I also found some motor oil and I think we have some gas in here.”

“Mike you're our fucking savior.”

“Bill got the oil last time we went to Derry.”

“Then you and Bill are our fucking saviors.”

Eddie leaned back under the hood and poured something somewhere, changing the oil, Richie guessed.

“We need the car! Now! Is it okay?”

Bev arrived, panting, gun poking out of her front pocket.

“Yeah, it should be fine for at least another 3000 miles or so.”

“God, thank you, you're fucking amazing.”

She stepped forward and wrapped Eddie into an hug. He hugged her back and laughed, exhilarated and happy.

“Mike, can you put in the gas?”

“You got it Eds, you guys get in the truck in the meantime.”

-

When they open the door and slipped inside Stan was sitting in the backseat, Georgie fast asleep in his lap. He shushed them before they could say anything, and whispered;

“I just got him to calm down, he was terrified. How'd it go with the car?”

“Turns out our little Eddie-bear here isn't just a tiny doctor, he's also a tiny mechanic!”

Richie threw an arm over his shoulder and squeezed, his chest swelling with the affection gushing from his heart.

“Shush, Richie! And don't called me that! We still don't know if it works or not!”

Eddie said, but both him and Stan were smiling as Georgie snored softly.

“Oh you should have seen him, Stan! He was all like ʼoh valves and oil and dipshit!ʼ ”

“It's dipstick!”

“That's what I said.”

Richie thought he could be happy again, then. With all his friends by his side he didn't mind having to fight disgusting, bloody, dirty, rotting corpses.

——

another one! another one! This is just a concept I couldn't find get out of my head, so excuse the way it's written, and feel free to point out mistakes typos an whatnot :)

Ideas are always welcome and my inbox is always open!