#I KEEP ON REWATCHING HIS VIDEOS BUT NOW THAT I AM ITS LIKE OH MY FUCK

[lanadoeswriting]

OH MY GOD. HE JUST KNOWS WHAT HES DOING.

[fragmentedblade]

I've been reading about xiangqi a bit and now I'm even more obsessed with that one video of Jing Yuan

[yourgrantaire]

im rewatching the smosh liveshow and i wanted to keep track of my favorite moments so they are below the cut

angela's tippy tappy toes of joy at amanda's new jersey voice

amanda's "LOOK IT UP" for increasingly unrealistic things, and ending it with "are you at peace are you at peace are you at peace hello areyouatpeaceareyouatpeaceareyouatpeace anthony areyouatpeace DON'T GOOGLE ME"

tommy's "only a tragic life could lead to looking like if a motorcycle was gay ... i can say that, i'm a motorcycle" and him saying the meaning of anthony's tattoos was so that he could fuck goth girls. oh and how could i forget describing angela as an "amber alert on rollerblades"

the cool ass music when the guests came on, made by tommy bowe i think? i honestly would listen to the music from the show all on its own

brandon rogers' "let's. eat. anthony!" and then making a very emphatic pitch as to why it would be a great idea

THE HALF-TIME SHOW OF COURSE. i know that they mostly won't post the show on youtube but i really really hope they post the half-time show

also a detail i just noticed is josh playing that escalating carnival "do do do do!" when chanse and keith got iced

dan and phil's extremely explicit video message with dan's repeated references to jerking off onto anthony's sexy calendar

courtney as bikini girl while still wearing doc martins. and there's something about the rhythm of "get you a girl who can do both two things two one time! :D" that is so funny, as well as "women are so scawwy ooohh!! what's under your blouse, two perfectly round GUNS? OHH!!"

rhett and link showing up standing menacingly in the doorway, and their tag line being "A Jesus and a Lesbian Woman"

the multiple "ian loves drinking breast milk" jokes

the chosen: "you're probably wondering why i look so badass right now. its because we are on the cusp of the greatest battle in the entire history of the universe.

and also i got queso on my three wolf moon shirt.

and i fell off my razor scooter on the way here."

i am glad that even though they made him look cool as fuck, shayne still emphasized that the chosen is not nearly as cool as he thinks he is.

"worst of all, anthony padilla HAD SEX!" and then quoting the star wars prequels lmao

also shayne singing without any self consciousness was very funny to me, but i can't put my finger on what the song was

ian saying i love you but having to say it in a silly voice (and in the after show anthony saying he can say i love you back to ian because unlike ian, he's actually said it before)

anthony's joke about how he expected everyone to roast him about his "dick piercing" and the entire audience going "wait wait, go back to that, what did you just say" and him moving on with no further comment

anthony to shayne: "i won't talk about how you were once known for your promising tv career and now you're known for wearing a t-shirt with limes on it''

chanse just full on horror movie screaming when anthony said arasha was in an ad for a republican dating app. also arasha's faces for everything were so great

keith full on responding whenever someone addresses him (and sometimes reacts out loud just because), he did this in the other funerals as well but it delights me every time

anthony saying chanse slides into his dms all the time, and chanse immediately replying "you respond, bitch!" (and then later anthony saying that chanse can go with mythical and he "can call link daddy now" but "watch out, [chanse] dms")

i loved anthony's reference to tommy's show serving cunt

anthony to amanda: "you're like if jessica rabbit drove a mini van"

anthony to ian: "one thing we all know about ian is he might have some trouble showing emotions" ian proceeds to stare deadpan into the camera. it was fun watching ian's reactions because often he wouldn't react to a lot of it or he would react as part of the bit, i've already forgotten the one thing that he really reacted to, fuck so i might have to rewatch it again

and then my favorite part of the aftershow was amanda and tommy continuously leaning in to make out and then saying "no save it for the parking lot, save it for the parking lot", and no they were not going to go anywhere, they were going to stay in the parking lot at smosh and make out in the car

[quillyfied]

HEY GANG SO UH. Watched the episode twice, have absorbed a lot of fan speculation, and I think I’m ready to word vomit some gosh darned reactions. This episode spared my plot-side brain for the most part, which means the absolutely feral interpersonal character side FEASTED. Might have to rewatch the episode a third time to keep my brain on track so I’m not running all over the place like an overexcited chihuahua, oh no what a nightmare.

CALLED IT, SHORT ROBE IS APOLOGY TOUR AND FUCKING HATE SEX ENERGY OFF THE CHARTS. Also side note but can I live in Stolas’ backyard?? Also also GOSH HECK but the energy of this argument is just. It’s good? It’s so good, I love Stolas’ deadpan sassy energy, but also the genuine blows that land during this argument are so goddamn painful. Stolas insisting he’s uncomfortable and wants Blitzo to go: valid, fair, proud of him for voicing that. I just hate that that’s what it’s taking to really drive the point home that right now, despite everything else between them that they need to talk about, Blitzo is being the asshole for that, and establishing once again that Blitzo ignoring boundaries is one of his character flaws; luckily, this EXACT episode is also where we get to see him starting to acknowledge that he doesn’t like who he is and how he acts and wants to be different. But for the beginning of this episode especially, just in case we the audience forgot that Blitzo is an absolute asshole, we have to tee up how much of an asshole he can really be when he’s hurt and angry.

“I want to feel like I’m EARNING my way to Earth” Can we unpack that? Can we sit here for a goddamn second and unpack that??? Hang on have to peel my head out of my hands first because holy shit Blitzo. There are layers to that statement, to that sentiment. There’s the lack of self-worth and needing to be a self-made imp, and if his rich fuckbuddy just GIVES him this crystal without having Blitzo earn it in some way, he doesn’t deserve it and he doesn’t deserve his business. There’s the fact that Blitzo does want Stolas but this is the safest way for him to express that without being vulnerable. There’s the bid to return to the status quo, accompanied by “we don’t do words, we do sex.” There’s discomfort there, both with having the crystal no strings attached and with how things are between him and Stolas. It’s a lot.

So, small detour: I’ve been watching the Danny Motta reacts videos (not for everyone but I like them a lot) for the Hellaverse, and in his “I Was Wrong About Blitzo” livestream VOD from a few days ago, he says something about abuse victims and how they react to fights that’s kinda stuck with me when it comes to this episode. BIG disclaimer that I am not qualified or trained to talk about abusive relationships, I’m just repeating what I heard to make a point, and if this is wrong information, I would actually love to know that so I can fix it. Anyway. Paraphrasing, he said that a lot of abuse victims will get into a fight with their abusers and after the fact dismiss it as “oh, we were just angry” to try and rob the fight of its hurtful power as a coping mechanism, which can become maladaptive when in non-abusive relationships, because the abuse victim will be confused as to why they have to talk about something they’ve already written off as over and done and meaningless. Danny Motta applies this to the “Y?” text that Blitzo sends Stolas when Stolas asks if they need to talk about what happened at Ozzie’s, and now I’m applying it here to Blitzo saying “we just had a bad night.” This entire dynamic is happening because Blitzo’s damage and Stolas’ damage are crashing into each other head-on, and watching the pieces crumble is really cathartic in a way. This entire set of episodes where their Arrangement (shoutout to my GOmens girlies) falls apart is so painful but so necessary, because if the show is wanting to take Blitzo and Stolas to a place where they can both be better, not just for each other but for themselves and for what’s coming up in their lives very soon, there has to be the breakdown first.

Like Stolas being apathetic towards Blitzo’s fucky dirty talk, which puts Blitzo on the back foot. Frankly I’m waiting for an argument where they go “but I thought you LIKED when I—” “I cannot stand when you do that, I was faking it,” mainly bc I find that sort of argument very funny, but this might not be the place for one of those (and I can’t decide what I like more, Blitzo being honest about not being into Stolas’ dirty talk or Blitzo being honest about being REALLY into Stolas’ dirty talk, both sound plausible, but we have to get through this emotional hashing out first). ANYWAY. THE POINT. The point is that as much as these arguments and discussions hurt, they’re important. They’re clearing the air, getting the bullshit out from between them. And again, so much kudos and love for Stolas for being more vocal with his boundaries. Blitzo ignoring them is what he does, we know that, I’ve already said it once in this egregious mess of an essay, but it’s funny how in ignoring Stolas’ boundaries, he’s also getting his own pushed and broken—VERY NECESSARY, actually. Blitzo can’t be honest unless it’s being forced out of him somehow, and it’s Blitzo who’s heading the charge into crashing right through his own walls by refusing to back down from this fight.

There’s something really interesting too in the fact that we KNOW Blitzo knows he hates himself and doesn’t think he’s worthy of care, but he still has this very convincing, very loud bravado about his own sexual prowess. He’s very confident in himself as a lover. As a boyfriend, however…nah, he’s good, actually let him deflect immediately back to sex, which is easier and less emotional. It’s a nice complex touch for him. Like, the “love ‘em and leave ‘em” trope can get kinda tired, especially when there’s a string of vengeful exes behind it, but in a lot of ways it feels good for this to be another facet to Blitzo, if only because it’s accompanied by the fact that this character trait is often born from trauma and has more happening with it than is often explored in fluffier fiction. That’s not something I often see in comedies, actually.

BUT THAT CLAPBACK FROM STOLAS. “Oh, yes, relationships are boring…so what are you doing here, then?” BAM. YOU WANT POETRY, STOLS? BC YOU’RE PROVIDING. Goddamn. I love that owl man. Anyway. Blitzo immediately offering angry sex being the thing that pushes the next nugget of truth is AMAZING. Because first of all, Blitzo still being horny for Stolas but deflecting it as trying to prove that Stolas is horny for Blitzo, especially when they’re fighting, is just a delightfully twisty detail. Second, it’s digging into WHY Blitzo called Stolas a “rich pompous asshole,” giving Stolas context for that comment and further finally touching on how Blitzo has very real class disadvantage between them while also holding that against Stolas a little unfairly (comparing him to Striker is such a good move, because BLITZO HIMSELF has already realized that if he and Striker think alike on that subject…ew, that doesn’t feel good). On a wider class-based discrimination scale, Blitzo has every right to be suspicious and dismissive of Stolas’ wealth and station and the ways Stolas is socially and physically above him. On a more personal scale, it’s delicious to watch that crash head-on with the fact that Stolas has been TRYING SO HARD and SO PUBLICLY to get close to Blitzo, to make him happy, to spend some FUCKING time with him, and Stolas hasn’t been using his privilege in that way at all when it comes to Blitzo. The deal for the book was one they agreed on MUTUALLY; Stolas never withheld it from him even when things were uncertain after Ozzie’s. Stolas has bigotry and internalized misconceptions that he has to work on (and might even get to work on on-screen, if the trial episode goes how I think it will), but I think it means so much that Blitzo gets to HEAR that Stolas really doesn’t think he’s above Blitzo, that he doesn’t have a kink for getting dicked down by a rugged peasant, that Stolas doesn’t look down on Blitzo for being an imp the way Blitzo has needed to convince himself that Stolas does. THE GIRLIES ARE TALKING OKAY.

AND I CANNOT BELIEVE WITH MY OWN TWO EYES AND EARS THAT WE GOT AN ON-SCREEN CONFIRMATION THAT STOLAS HAD NO IDEA ABOUT THE HARVEST MOON ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT. I cannot believe it. I canNOT believe it. Holy crap the cows are coming home to roost and I think I got that saying wrong but I will not be changing it. If there’s any grander plot information in this episode, it would be this: Stolas learning of the first assassination attempt. If he gets the chance to think on that further beyond just the hurt that Blitzo never told him, he knows that Stella sent Striker the first time; it wouldn’t be a difficult logical leap to think Stella sent him the first time, too, and what that means, especially vis-à-vis divorce proceedings. Which now makes me wonder if there’s demonic law precedent for spousal assassinations being totally legal if infidelity is a factor. Did they have a prenup and can I see it please XD It might be the only leg Stolas has to stand on to defend himself legally, the fact that Stella hired an assassin to kill him TWICE. The abuse he endured is real, but there’s no way to prove it. There certainly are ways to definitively prove that Stella hired an assassin. The “Stolas and IMP are in deep legal shit” theory is more widespread than I thought, by the by, I NEED to get it condensed into one post before October.

ANYWAY.

I kinda hope that Blitzo gets to tell Stolas the things he’s said that have reinforced to Blitzo the idea that Stolas looks down on him, because that is one of the biggest legs that Blitzo has to stand on in this particular argument and I don’t much like the idea of it being taken out from under him because it’s chalked up to Blitzo’s own preexisting prejudice against royal demons. Because Stolas HAS made mistakes on that front, and while this episode is way more about the ways Blitzo screws up and wants to change, Stolas not being totally innocent in this breakup has been one of the key points of Full Moon and one the creator herself has confirmed. And Stolas getting to hear the ways he hurt Blitzo and getting to apologize and change would be SO HUGE, okay?? If this show isn’t gonna tackle the social issues it’s drawing on for drama and comedy alike, if it’s not going to meaningfully solve them Hell-wide, then can we at least solve them between Blitzo and Stolas? Like? Please???

Also. Way to make me a liar, Stolas, being all pissy that Blitzo didn’t come help you with Striker :P I do think that if Blitzo asserted that he was helping Loona and that was more important, it would have taken the conversation somewhere else, but this conversation wasn’t really about that anyway. It’s about how Blitzo and Stolas both truly did not think Stolas could get physically hurt, but in Blitzo’s case it just reinforced his belief in Stolas’ station above him, and in Stolas’ case it played into his romantic story fantasies of playing the damsel in distress without any real stakes. And this conversation is about Stolas being hurt at learning more in depth what Blitzo has been thinking and believing about him all this time, understanding where Blitzo’s coming from. Because Stolas got to spill his guts on Full Moon. It’s Blitzo’s turn. Once Stolas makes one more FUCKING thing clear, things that Blitzo would certainly have seen: how much Blitzo’s idea that Stolas is some uppity prince falls apart when you take Stolas’ very public affection into consideration. And I love Stolas for acknowledging that Blitzo doesn’t owe him anything, but what I so often don’t hear when people say “you don’t owe people shit” is what Stolas says, which is “you can’t just ignore all that.” Listen. Each situation is going to be different. But Stolas is 5000% correct in that his actions have been speaking pretty fucking loudly about where his feelings are, even if his words and the trappings of his station have fallen short (and don’t think that excuses Stolas for still not realizing the hypocrisy of sleeping with an imp even as he has imp servants whom he doesn’t necessarily always mistreat but doesn’t regard either). Blitzo doesn’t owe him love or sex or anything for Stolas offering these things, but even a “no fuck off” is acknowledging that Stolas is trying, that he fucking EXISTS. FUCK.

I know that there is some queer community banter about reclaiming slurs via jokes and memes, but I really do have to wonder what Blitzo’s goal was in both sending Stolas a bunch of “I smell a homosexual” horse memes and then here when he dismisses what Stolas is saying by calling it “the gayest thing he’s ever heard.” I, uh. Am not the target audience for that, I think? At the very least I don’t understand it beyond the tone and knowing that Blitzo is being mean with his words, but probably not the memes. Gonna have to wait for the discourse on that one, I guess. Also was animating that amount of spittle ABSOLUTELY necessary (I think maybe it was).

I also love how Stolas accidentally reverse-psychologies Blitzo into doing a whole apology tour, though. Because that is some classic “duck season/rabbit season” loony tunes shit. “I bet you’ve never apologized in your life” “FUCK YOU I’M THE BEST AT APOLOGIES I CAN APOLOGIZE SO HARD.” And I love that it’s BLITZO that finally says the quiet part out loud, who puts all the pieces together and lays it out nice and simple: he self-sabotages because he hates himself and doesn’t think he’s worthy of anyone’s love so he drives people away before they can care about him. He knows this about himself. He hates this about himself, too, but it keeps him safe. Except it’s not working now. He doesn’t want this, but it’s hard. Even when he’s screaming at Stolas that he can apologize to everyone so good, everyone BUT Stolas, he’s on the verge of tears, he’s shaking from anger, he’s seconds from melting down. He sees what he’s doing. He can’t stop himself from doing it.

But first, he has to uphold his pride and give a bunch of bullshit apologies with surprisingly thoughtful cheese and hot sauce baskets. Let’s watch the imp at work, shall we?

Because godDAMN this is a good comedy segment actually. Such a funny romp through all of Blitzo’s season 1 escapades (AND HOLY SHIT GET IT MRS. MAYBERRY, THAT’S THE FUNNIEST TWIST, HAPPY PRIDE EVERYONE). (Side note, how does Blitzo know where Martha lives? And he remembered her NAME, what the fuck. Does he actually keep tabs on former hits that wind up in Hell just so he can know to avoid them??). Don’t think I missed that Moxxie was on the top of that list, followed by the annoying kid from the pilot. And we go through season 1 almost perfectly: Martha from e1, Loo-Loo from e2, CHERUB from e4 (love the non-apology, keep that enmity alive), DHORKS from e6, HE FUCKING THROWS A BASKET INTO THE LOCKED UP FORMER DHORKS COMPOUND FULL OF ROTTING CORPSES, I HOWLED, the hot bouncer from e7. But interspersing all of that with the texts to Stolas he can’t send?? Fucking. OW.

THE GODDAMN FIZZBOT’S FACE ACTIVATED FUCK NO

Okay but WHY don’t I see more art of Blitzo in drag or in pretty dresses?? Canonically he’s been in more of them XD (listen I agree Stolas is so goddamn pretty and deserves to be in all the dresses but let’s throw Blitzo some love here once in a while)

“Looks like you missed some makeup there.” “Thanks, it’s my face.” I just. I need to lie down. I love Blitzo. He hasn’t even started the googly-eyes yet and I love him so much.

Oh, Stolas. I’ve never been to a house party like this and I don’t ever plan to, but I’ve been to enough social functions to know very well the feeling of sticking to a wall because you’re uncomfortable. I love that Verosika does her best to include him, too, welcomes him into this community she’s created. Also wait how the FUCK does everyone know Blitzo and Stolas broke up?? (Blaming a Fizz to Verosika pipeline somehow)

The demonic sacrifice to Stolas scene is so screamingly funny. It’s SO FUCKING FUNNY. I think it’s more funny because, like a lot of the gags in Full Moon, it’s a return of some of that s1 humor that I hadn’t really noticed was missing until it was suddenly back. We can thank Danny Motta for bringing that to my attention, too, but eh. I’m not bothered by it.

I also love that Stolas isn’t entirely comfortable being surrounded by evidence of people wanting to hurt Blitzo (through cathartic alternate means, anyway, though they are literal demons, so maybe in the actual way too). And later on, I love how it’s clear that most of these people don’t really want to hurt Blitzo, either, they’re just hurt themselves. Verosika is picking the pettiest method possible, but she’s doing a good thing here, making a support group for people in emotional distress.

Blitzo you don’t need to start keeping count, you need to start getting tested, because I’m legitimately worried for you. This isn’t slut shaming, this is just good health practices when you’ve fucked enough people to fill a mansion. What the fuck. This is JUST the hellborn population of exes, I imagine if we include sinners the number might be higher. Alright but also Dennis’ presence means he hasn’t actually actively fucked all the people here, right?? Right???? Anyway. It’s the fact that he remembers most if not all of them, too, enough to make specific apologies about things he did to them as he’s walking through them.

LEAVE DENNIS ALONE, HE DID NOTHING WRONG.

Stolas’ song. CHILLS. CHIIIIIILLS. I legit did not recognize Bryce’s voice during that, it’s so different from everything he’s sung before. But it’s so good. It’s EXACTLY what I thought it was going to be, too: not a tear-down anthem, not a belated defense, just Stolas singing about his pain. People who mistakenly think Stolas was shitting on Blitzo during this song can step up because I am very prepared to tell you how wrong you are. Someone in the tags had it right, this episode was practically spoonfeeding us all the subtext most of us had already guessed about the situation and characters, and yet people still didn’t get it. Sad. Anyway. The song. This beautiful anthem to the fuckedness of Stolas and Blitzo’s situation, and opening Blitzo’s eyes further to how his coping mechanisms to not get hurt in turn hurt Stolas pretty deeply. And just. Gosh hecking fucking darn, “I’m not a thief, you were mine to earn, but what if I came on too strong, what if I read this all wrong” FUCK. AND THEN THAT KID MONTAGE. RIGHT THERE. IN THE SAD FADEOUT AT THE END OF THE SONG. I JUST. I. HHHHHHHHHHHHH.

And then we come to the drunk conversation. Which. Again, on brand, doubtful that it would be these two trainwrecks if something weird wasn’t happening, but it’s so funny to us the audience to hear Blitzo make a comment about never seeing Stolas put it away like that before when we know that poor bird downs absinthe like it’s Gatorade when he’s upset. But. Even as they’re in a bad emotional place, even as they’re trying to clear the air, the casual intimacy and comfort they have around each other is really sweet. Wouldn’t be happening if Stolas wasn’t drunk, but still. Watching Blitzo take care of Stolas is always sweet. He just does it so deftly, like it’s second nature, that watching Blitzo fidget and hesitate to touch Stolas hurts all the more for knowing that he didn’t hesitate at all to catch Stolas when he was falling. I’m hoping it’s portents of what’s to come, in time, when they’ve both worked on themselves a bit. Or at least had a full clearing of the air. They get a good way into it this time, with Blitzo reiterating how he’s felt about Stolas and how inferior he feels and unlovable, and how much Stolas just wants to be cared about (with the implication that Blitzo didn’t make him feel that way), but that’s not the last conversation they need to have. The last one, I think, is when Blitzo will be able to admit out loud that even with all the shitty behavior and the casual classism and the fights and the apologies…he loves Stolas. He cares. He cares so much. And he’s so scared. Blitzo knows it. It’s the saying it that’s hard.

“Stolas, that’s…a rom-com.” He doesn’t even sound dismissive, he just sounds sad. Blitzo is so SAD that that’s what Stolas wants, because Blitzo doesn’t DO stuff like that, it’s not real, it’s cheesy and unrealistic and by Satan and Lucifer and Ozzie and whoever else I have to swear by, if we don’t get Blitzo pulling classic cheesy romcom moves in an attempt to really make Stolas feel special I’m going to TEAR MY HAIR OUT (and then write the fanfic). GIVE THE IMP A BOOM BOX.

But the way Stolas just stares at Blitzo, waiting for his input before he accepts the dance invitation from “Better Than Blitzo” Guy. The way Blitzo LETS HIM GO. I HATE IT BUT I LOVE IT AND IT HAD TO HAPPEN BUT IT HURTS.

AND NOW THE PART I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR MOST: BLITZO TALKING TO VEROSIKA. YEEEE

I love that it starts…kind of typical? Like, Blitzo went up there pretty quiet and reserved, calls her Ver (!!!!!!!), but once the back-and-forth very bitter arguing starts between them, he gets this grin on his face, like he’s glad to be back somewhere familiar. Before her lack of reaction just pokes that bear that’s been under his surface all day and he starts breaking down—the exact kind of breakdown he needs, the emotional one, the verbal five-gallon vomit of what’s actually inside of him and not just the bullshit he spews on the daily to distract others and protect himself. And it’s such a key piece of the Verosika puzzle, too, because this is how it went: Verosika said “I love you.” And Blitzo stole her car, left her to cover the hotel bill, ran three rings to Wrath, and maxed out her credit cards on shitty horse-riding lessons. Like. Wow. What the fuck, Blitzo. Which, given how catastrophically he felt he had to fuck that up…probably meant he loved her, too. Or even if he didn’t, even if he cared but didn’t care as much as she did, the fact that THAT’S what he did, rather than just ghosting her or breaking up over text or anything else a normal level of shitty? Like, what the fuck, Blitzo, I know you’re a trained clown and assassin but that’s brutal. And it’s an extreme example of how Blitzo responds to others being vulnerable by doing everything he can to cover up his own vulnerability, but between that and Blitzo thinking Stolas telling Blitzo he cares and wants Blitzo to stay is a new kind of sexual roleplay Stolas wants to try out…Blitzo doesn’t do measured responses. If there’s this many people still hurt by what he did to them and most of them were probably singular hookups, it really sheds some perspective on the scope of the problem. And the depth of what Blitzo means when he says he doesn’t want to be this way anymore.

“Why am I the bad guy just for sucking at relationships?” Look dude there’s sucking at relationships, and then there’s becoming a toxic black hole of self-hatred and self-destruction that takes out an entire city block with it when it detonates. And what Verosika says, too, how somehow she still feels bad for hating him—like HOOOOOLY SHIT. Paired up with Stolas pointing out that this many people wouldn’t hate Blitzo if they hadn’t cared about him so much first. Blitzo could RULE HELL if he could figure out how to properly weaponize that charisma XD On a more serious note, though, I think the examples are extreme partially because this is a comedy show and there is something very darkly funny about Blitzo’s nuclear response to affection, but also because if this show has been trying to do anything, it’s been exploring the depths of self-hatred and how that destroys everything around it, and if there’s one thing cartoons in particular are supposed to do, it’s exaggerate. The story is real. The details are fucked, but the feelings behind the story is so real. Verosika’s response is disproportionate but her pain is real. Stolas’ ballad is dramatic but his emotions are real. Blitzo’s trauma response is improbably destructive but the roots are real. Stories aren’t real; the emotions are. It’s what makes them meaningful.

Okay y’know every other time Viv has done the tongue thing, it’s read as really comedic to me, but this one was just…hot? Even with Blitzo’s world crumbling around him (TAKE THAT ASSHAT), with this new spike of jealousy in his chest, it’s really good to see Stolas getting to experience being wanted by people who aren’t Blitzo and KNOWING it. He’s wanted. He’s hot. People enjoy him and his company. GIVE HIM FRIENDS NEXT, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

Giving Verosika some kind of closure about them, though. I imagine it’s pretty nice for her to see Blitzo so messed up emotionally, even if it isn’t over her, and to get a genuine apology from him. Like her song says, she’s not over it, but she’s over him, and she’s made a community of people to support each other and have fun, and that’s amazing, actually. Charlie would be so proud.

And, like. Verosika so gently telling Blitzo that it starts with sorry saying good for Stolas, hope he gets some dick…Blitzo was kinda already there, with letting Stolas go to go dance with the guy. But it feels healthier? Less “he said he doesn’t want me here because seeing me makes him feel bad, I make him feel bad, I shouldn’t touch him or burden him with my feelings because I’m not worth it”, more “he deserves this, he deserves to be happy with someone who isn’t afraid to show him how much he’s worth, I hope he’s happy.” There’s hope for him yet, folks. Good job, Blitzo. Nurse that broken heart and lay on that horn all you want to, babe, you did a good job. Let’s keep that momentum going. (Like to be clear he’s still very much feeling bad for how badly he treated everyone at that party as he’s walking out, but. There’s something about it that feels better, I can’t describe it. Less toxic and blaming everyone else, more cleanly miserable because he owns it’s his fault and he’s gonna try to change once he stops crying.)

Now to do what I’d be doing anyway this summer and wait for October, only this time I also get to wait for a new episode too!

[seth-burroughs]

mdarc chapter 1 rewatch part 3, and yes, i am aware of the massive pile of asks i have on all my blogs however as always i shall keep running. no don't stop sending them i absolutely appreciate the attention its just i need to mentally prepare two weeks in advance and cry in order to give a sufficient response. you should give it a try and converse with yours truly again some more if the thought of torturing and killing me slowly sounds fun and exciting to you👍

oh look its the child extortion scene

you would think halara, who's got all that trauma from having their family get scammed and destroyed by a friend* they trusted as a child, would be just a tiny bit less comfortable with swindling kids out of their money rn but like you know that's just my thoughts......

they're Reclaiming it <3

*listen. like i know i can't be the only one that thinks that way, but so far so many people ive seen that played this game just went through this gab and thought "oh wow a middle schooler just scammed them that is so crazy lmao", and like. i was under the impression that halara was the one in middle school the entire time, and their "best friend" was just some adult con artist that gained Halara's trust (or just flat out groomed them, honestly) so they could scam their parents. like, you do know this interpretation makes infinitely more sense than... very nefarious 12 year old manipulator investment scamming adults or whatever

has nobody already made a halara "fuck them kids" joke or do i gotta pull out that art program again

this child is like fucking what, five?? literally crying what is your PROBLEM halara...... halara i don't even think he understands half of whatever you're saying to him right now.....................

they didn't even give it back to kei they just tossed it over to yuma???????? lmao?????????

still. they're so fucking cool. i'm giving them the highest honor i can bestow (narcissistic personality disorder and massive autism)

AH WAIT I FORGOT WE ACTUALLY INVESTIGATE SHIT IN THIS GAME OOOOoooooh. ooooooooooh.

i forgot to read the report by the way

*points at jiei colan* SYMMETRY TOOL LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

oh holy shit wait canon age??? jiei is 48??? ok now that is information i am going to blast into my mind permanently and not like. anything slightly more important

casual fatphobia jumpscare

pink blood scene *nods solemnly*

holy shit i know exactly who the culprit is you wont believe it. im so fucking smart. im a genius im a fucking god fondle my nuts while you blow me

i can already feel seth approaching rapidly because my eyes are getting teary and my chest is doing really funny stuff right now. the sense went off

once he arrives i will keep a list of "memorable and beautiful things seth has done in all his 4 scenes" as well as "memorable and beautiful things desuhiko has done in the entire game or perhaps his life" and then compare once we finish. wish me luck

chapter 1 >>>>>>>>>> every other fucking chapter. i am going to kill a man on this hill

THERE HE COMES .

I'm twitching like hell right now. my muscles yearn for the burroughs

UUAAAAAIIIIIGIHUGFFYDFUUUUUGHGHHHHGAAAAAAAAAAGHUSYDGHSDUUUUUHHHHHHHHGGHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! H H

HE HIS STUPID FUCKIDGFG WALK

take that rain cape off you fucking coward this is kanai ward. noticed his lil fox symbol on his back and got reminded of wackpedion's religious seth post but im not gonna look for it now. but yeah he's 100% metal fox church guy i told you this chapter got layerssss to it. this is cinema. video games lore have peaked at rain code chapter 1. scott cawthon has been really silent ever since rain code chapter 1 dropped

his face. its heeehhhhere. i am going tocommit vehicular manslaughter. and ask him why is his skin fucking gray

holy motherfucker I TOTALLY forgot how his japanese voice sounds. he sounds. slightly more normal actually. less pathetic if that was possible. its like he still has hope. help me he sounds so young

i like how. he just calmly extremely quietly tells them to stand up while standing like 20 feet away from them and knowing his voice usually doesn't reach above 30db. like he just stands there mumbling to them to plss get up now knowing they probably can't hear him. he jsut. gives it a try. maybe this time

maybe he's trying to awaken his telepathic abilities.

omg god a charlie radiohead wackpedion oc cameo???? i can't believe that wiki let spike chunsoft put charlie in their game in order to help increase sales it is so cool how they support smaller creators like that once again

that cunty stance. who stands like that.

its not fucking on. how did you notice its not fucking on. or did he just did but tried regardless. dead silence.

truly, a flattering introduction

and he. wasn't even that fucking mad he just gave him a very dissapointed look to go and fix that. which makes me think it has happened before. and numerous times

finally, seth has succeeded. you know whats crazy about that scene?? the peacekeepers were knocked out a solid while ago thats gonna be at least 15, if not just 20 entire minutes. realistically if youre uncounscious for that much time (and im pretty sure halara whacked them on the head) then you're gonna be concussed as fuck perhaps even have serious brain injuries (and im pretty sure halara whacked them on the head HARD) like youre not gonna be ok after this. his voice literally healed them. he commanded them to rise and so they did. combined with the blatant christian themes of rain code (makoto is satan. martina's motorcycle is the ark) the answer is obvious seth is jesus where was i going with this again

seth is so fucking chill its unbelievable. its the fourth time something has happened to him this moment, megaphone guy fucked up the fucking volume and he just. takes a few steps back motions with his arms and doesn't even say anything. if that were yomi he'd just bring out the whip. if that were martina she'd verbally abuse them so fucking hard they would not be able to look her in the eye ever again in their lives. if that were guillaume she'd start screeching at dominic to decapitate that man

i am going to look away whenever they mention Bodies Rotting Quickly In Kanai Ward from now on. i shall not. it is not worth it.

megaphone guy cringe moment

i would say something about the entire "public execution" moment but i think i already said enough before. so.

goodbye seth you absolutely fucking SLAYED it

[weerd1]

It’s Been a Long Road: Two decades after “Star Trek: Enterprise” I still have Faith of the Heart.

After the click, there are 2300 words of me doing a deep dive on my love for "Star Trek: Enterprise." You have been warned.

When I was in elementary school, I was a year younger than my peers. My mom had decided I didn’t need to go to Kindergarten as I was already reading ahead of my level, so she insisted I be placed at age 5 directly into 1st Grade. In ways she was right; I completed the reading and phonics program in my little Arizona school for the entire first grade before Christmas. To this day though, I am clumsy with scissors, paste, and all the “kindergarten skills” and I spent the rest of my school career smaller, weaker, and less coordinated than everyone in my class. 

This probably all worked out in the end; sure, I couldn’t play sports, but to avoid bullies and getting picked on, I got funny, and that’s worked out pretty well for me. But in those days when I would play a sport such as baseball, the opposing team would step a little closer, the coaches would advise me to take the walk; I was not as good as my peers, so allowances were made for my performance.

That is exactly how I looked at “Star Trek: Enterprise” for years. It was only four seasons, while its powerhouse predecessors all had seven. It wasn’t set in a utopian far future, but rather not too far from now meaning more modern and vernacular language. The science seemed a little spurious, with writers seeming to think the term “Rigel” was just some made-up word from older Trek series rather than older Trek series using actual star names for locations. The knowledge of Trek seemed a little lacking as well, with the first episode citing “Klingon Warbirds” and basing the hero ship on a design introduced in a then recent movie…that was set 200 years later. 

I watched though, as we were coming off of there being CONSTANT Trek on television for the previous 15 years, and this was what we had.

I groused then, a lot. The lack of continuity, the trivia gaffes, the over-sexualization of women characters (ok, that WAS more than a bit overdone, and I still grouse that point).

The theme song. Oh my lord, the theme song.

But eventually, this show won me over, almost in spite of itself. Then there was a major shift in tone for the third season, and it got to be pretty solid, and the FOURTH season was…STAR TREK! Like its predecessors, the show had taken some time to find its footing (c’mon, admit how uneven the first couple of seasons of TNG were), but had pulled itself together, and the show’s future looked bright in 2005!

And then there was a truly terrible last episode and ENT was cancelled and gone. 

Twenty years later, here I am, and though the absence of new Trek only lasted about four years—until JJ Abrams 2009 movie—I felt that absence keenly then. I am glad to report there has been Trek I really enjoy since then…and some marginal entries, but that’s not new either honestly. But with all this new material, I still find myself going back to revisit Archer and his crew. I’ve rewatched maybe two TNG episodes in the last 15 years. Maybe two or three Voyager episodes. But TOS, DS9, and ENT I hit regularly. Why does ENT keep forcing itself to the front of my Trek consciousness?

From the beginning, ENT suffered from some external pressures that weren’t helpful to its development. There was a tension between doing more of the same, successful formula Trek had been delivering since “Encounter at Farpoint” (the TNG pilot episode from 1987) and doing something experimental and new. Viewer fatigue was setting in a bit, but fans were vociferous in what THEY thought Trek meant. Anything that strayed too far would take a beating on the internet message boards. 

DS9 had just finished off their wartime storyline, and though there were adamant Niners, it was only just beginning to truly find its audience with the advent of home video allowing one to actually watch the whole thing. Meanwhile, the less arc-oriented VOY had added the character Seven. There had been a ratings increase, which the producers took to mean any new show needed an attractive woman in a catsuit. Remember also, we were in the midst of the Star Wars Prequel trilogy, so going BACK to a time when the story could be a little looser was floating in the zeitgeist. 

But it was also 2001, and though the visual continuity of the then modern Treks had maintained a history inclusive and accepting of TOS, putting a starship on screen that would look like a century’s LESS development than Matt Jefferies’ design from the mid-1960s was going to be problematic. 

I don’t know this is true, but I also suspect that since the previous shows had a British man, a Black man, and a Woman as captains, someone in Production wanted to make sure there was a white, American man back in the center seat. Maybe I’m wrong, but that’s my gut.

So all of this goes into the show, and honestly it kicks off as a bit of a hot mess. So much seems to be playing it safe. Some fairly cliched storylines that occasionally try something a little new. A few things it does try new are not quite there: That aforementioned over-sexualization of the women in the crew*. Cringy comments about relations with aliens. Archer watching water polo.

There are a lot of forgettable episodes, contradictions. And yet, I kept watching. Yeah, I was on message boards complaining about the tech looking too advanced. I’d gripe about how un-Vulcan the Vulcans seemed. I’d gripe about every violation of what I accepted as canon, that was often really just things the fandom had settled on in the 70s and had no basis on the show. And I was just a complete tool online when the first cloaking device showed up. 

And the theme song, oh my lord, the theme song.

But I kept watching. And before I knew it, I started to appreciate something about this show. I had to make a choice between griping that this modern show that I was actually enjoying didn’t adhere to a single line of dialog written (then) 40 years before for a show that wasn’t expected to last a year. I, a staunch Trek gatekeeper, was having an awakening about continuity and canon, and I had to figure out why. Finally it hit me. 

These characters, these performers, they were more than they should be. These characters were making me love them, even when the stories were mediocre or cliche or counter to what I believed was canon. 

Take Jonathan Archer, played with almost megaton-levels of earnestness by Scott Bakula. Archer’s earnest, do-gooder nature is so extreme…you know how a show like “Family Guy,” does a joke, and it’s ok, and then it keeps going way too long, and you get sick of it. And then it keeps going still, and somehow, this only kinda-funny joke goes so long or so far that it actually manages to somehow loop back around to being not just funny, but hilarious. That’s Archer’s earnestness, his naiveté.  His “oh gosh” nature is interesting and fun compared to Kirk’s bravado. Then, after he oh goshes his way into losing ANOTHER fight, he’s simply grating. THEN you start to think he’s just devastatingly boring. But if you keep watching, then it comes around to this unironic serving of safe-guy that doesn’t blink in how GOLLY he is as a hero and you smile when he all but winks at the camera. And then, in later seasons when he’s faced with some pretty devastating moral dilemmas, you FEEL it!

T’Pol, played by Jolene Blalock: she’s so attractive it almost hurts to look at her, but you realize soon after that while she somehow seems to keep ending up getting rubbed down in decon Jolene is BRINGING the performance. That her delivery, her tone; the micro-expressions which betray her stoic facade for the Vulcan emotions at a full boil underneath…you buy it. You realize her performance is wonderful, and she’s one of the best Vulcans in the entire franchise.

Connor Trinneer as the character I recently described as “Florida Man in Space,” Trip Tucker. He’s a walking cliche, his accent making “warp-field plasma conduits” sound like something you’d serve up with sweet tea and grits. He’s got Himbo energy that rivals the output of his anti-matter reactor, and still it works. His “I don’t really know much about anything, but I’m willing to learn…oh God I’m pregnant” (actual episode) speaks so beautifully to humans DISCOVERING things for the first time, screwing it up, but learning from their mistakes and going back for more! 

I could easily go on about Travis Mayweather, the kid who grew up in space and is both completely knowledgeable and blissfully ignorant of anything that goes on out there. Malcolm Reed, the British tactical officer who if his upper lip was any stiffer, he could use it as a weapon. Hoshi Sato who starts out completely out of her depth, and ends up loving it all. Dr. Phlox, your over-friendly, polyamorous uncle who brandishes optimism like a flame thrower and plays with eels. 

They are all just…TOO. Too this, too that, and in doing so, somehow all circle back to being absolutely perfect. Because as flawed as ENT is in its storytelling at times, and how mired it is in attitudes before #metoo, the IDEA of the show is a great one: How does humanity get from the mess we are now to the icons of TOS or TNG? Enterprise shows us it wasn’t a switch, but a road.  A long road, getting from there to here.

Yes, even the damn theme song, hokey and way too on the nose is EXACTLY RIGHT for what this show means.  

Somewhere along the line, we all knew we had to move in a little closer when ENT comes up to bat, but we all started wishing, hoping, that maybe it would get a home run.

And sometimes, just sometimes, these characters that are great in spite of themselves, and this design, that’s too good for what it should be**, and this show that’s just not on the level of its predecessors does exactly that and knocks one into the stands. Suddenly it’s season four, and Enterprise manages to sum up the humanity Star Trek has been serving up since 1966 better than any show before or since:

Vulcan Ambassador Soval: We don't know what to do about Humans. Of all the species we've made contact with, yours is the only one we can't define. You have the arrogance of Andorians, the stubborn pride of Tellarites. One moment, you're as driven by your emotions as Klingons, and the next, you confound us by suddenly embracing logic.

Admiral Maxwell Forrest: I'm sure those qualities are found in every species.

Vulcan Ambassador Soval: Not in such confusing abundance.

We’re not perfect, we’re not utopian, but we are AMAZING when we give ourselves the chance, and for me, Enterprise takes that idea and runs with it. It often swings and misses, but when it connects, we can smile and clap and let it take its run around the bases, because it makes us feel good. And if it weren’t for Enterprise teaching me how these lessons, these characters are more important that visual continuity or strict adherence to arcane canon, I wouldn’t have accepted the Kelvin timeline. The DISCO Klingons. The Strange New Worlds uniforms, sets, and character interpretations. Because as much as I love what Star Trek means, all of that deeper meaning is nothing if it isn’t entertaining. And Enterprise taught me how important that was. 

I could go on about how much better the show got when Berman and Braga took a back seat to Manny Coto, though there are certainly strong arguments that he got a little too fan-servicey. But in the end, the point is CBS took over and closed down Enterprise just as it found its footing. I hope the wave of nostalgia we’re seeing applied (perhaps TOO applied in shows like “Picard”) to modern Trek means we get more than a passing Lower Decks reference to the show. And if not, well, I’ve got my copies, and my fan fic, and my Tumblr memes. 

Most importantly though, I’ve got (I’ve got, I’ve got) Faith of the Heart.

*I will give the show credit at least that it was pretty willing to flaunt shirtless men as well, and biceps-a-plenty. 

**In regard to things looking more advanced, I will give credit to Brannon Braga for dropping a hint in an interview at the end of season 1 that the Enterprise-E coming back in “First Contact” had subtly altered the timeline, making things a little more advanced. Fans—and I regret to include myself—railed against that online, and it wasn’t really mentioned again. Recently, Strange New Worlds has revisited and canonized the idea that the timeline, even though it is the Prime timeline, DOES go through shifts and changes due to temporal incursions, evidenced wonderfully in the episode “Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow” when a Romulan time traveler admits to altering time so the rise of Khan happens not at the 1992 date that Spock gave us in the original series “Space Seed” to now to him still being a child 30 years later. It’s in-story shorthand for the fact that when a show goes for six decades some continuity has to change and THAT IS OK. I wasn’t ready to accept it then, but am glad it’s now part of Trek. 

[bandtrees]

for the warriors ask game :D

🗺 : first map you ever watched?

🖼 : first amv/pmv you ever watched?

(I used to watch MAPs religiously those are my jam)

yay thank you! warriors ask game except the questions are all weird and niche as hell!

know: my memory is bad. i've been into wc for... well over a decade now, so these are probably not accurate xP my first warriors video was i believe a spoof video about ashfur and squirrelflight, but my first map and amv? uhhh unsure!

🗺 : first map you ever watched? - i didn't actively watch maps as a small kid, or at least i don't think i did? the first map that i entirely remember watching was during my second major warriors phase by the time i was closer to... 15 maybe?? as opposed to my earliest memories of wc which are from when i was 10 or younger lol. little fang, which is making me genuinely super misty eyed to rewatch, it's just so so good, from the style to the designs to how well it gets into jayfeather and his family with only animation and music, the composition of every part is so good, the designs, all of it. the sole reason little fang is one of my favorite songs to this day it might, miiight, have also been evelyn evelyn? that one was certainly one of the first maps i ever watched that stuck with me. the dovewing kinnie has entered chat

🖼 : first amv/pmv you ever watched? - i cannot remember. i watched sooo many amvs as a kid. not my FIRST amv, probably, but one of the earliest i recall is ashfur's revenge, which is delighting me so much to rewatch. this one was formative for me, i miss the style of flash-animated warriors amvs that (obviously:() aren't around anymore. i also have such a soft spot for tigerclaw is not one of thunderclan, one i was thinking about the Entire Time i was writing the exile scene in spottedfur's pride lol. i still love it so much, this is my first time rewatching it in like... a decade, im sure. its so good. im kind of blown away as i rewatch these that they ARE as good as they are, cuz i feel like it's common in the warriors fandom to treat old amvs as some cringeworthy lost art (in general i have strong opinions on how (unintentionally)cruel the internet starts being to things as soon as they enter "nostalgia" territory) - but there's still, like, genuine talent in these. there's a reason these amvs were as popular as they were, and not because we were all cringe 10 year olds who didn't know better, lol. also reminds me of tigerstar and the dog pack(be prepared) - which is one i have the most vivid memory of watching on my family computer, hehe. in general i love corvus katana's stuff, past and current oh my god i will never get this ask posted because i keep remembering ones that helped, like, form a lobe of my brain growing up. HOW TO SAVE BLUESTAR'S LIFE YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS!!!! I AM TOTALLY NOT CRYING REWATCHING IT. YOU ARE. YOU ARE. cant believe i had a phase where i hated bluestar - i think everyone did because they spontaneously realized she was imperfect, immoral even at times, and made mistakes but hadn't developed the media comprehension to realize she was... actually meant to be complex and troubled and not just a perfect leader. god. bluestar. god. god. g (im also gonna use this question as a chance to gush about old amvs that i remember that are unfortunately lost to time: a hollyleaf one to hurricane by thirty seconds to mars (!!!! THIS ONE WAS SO FORMATIVE BUT IM LIKE 80% SURE ITS LOST MEDIA), bluestar heart heart head (PLEASE tell me im not the only one who remembers this one!!! i was devastated to learn it wasn't iconic or reuploaded anywhere (as much as i also think, again, in the nostalgia-sense, people act entitled to things like old amvs or people's art or whatever else)), NIGHTCLOUD GIRL WITH ONE EYE CHANGED MY LIFE?and... probably more of course that aren't coming to me now xP

i. didnt expect to ramble as much as i did with this? i just can't put into enough words how formative warriors amvs and the like were for me growing up :'DD they were my major start for digital art and animation (something i did a lot when i was younger but fell out of over time, but god i'd love to animate again, maybe do a classic wc amv to spottedfur's pride or something lol)

thank you for the question! I am so incredibly normal about warrior cats.

[acaplaya-musings]

Voiceplay Visuals - Sh-Boom

Time for a random "bonus" VoicePlay reaction! Why did I skip over this one at first? Why am I choosing this one now? Eh, idk, but unlike when I did most of my VoicePlay Visuals posts, I'm a VP Patron now, so I can also provide a little bit of fun BTS info here! (Nothing super "classified" or anything, and nothing more than what people share all the time in the comments of reaction videos anyway!) (I actually just rewatched the BTS video for this one to refresh my memory).

VoicePlay's video for Sh-Boom was released on the 31st of August, 2019, and so we're back with Earl and J None for this one! The main arrangement for this was done by Geoff (with some arranging for lead vocals done by Hannah Juliano), but Layne and Eli were in charge of the video production! And without further ado, let's get into this!

Starting out with a "retro" effect on the visuals, like I mentioned in "Christmas Don't Be Late", and like I've also pointed out in "In The Air Tonight"!

And while In The Air Tonight featured one vintage car, this video features multiple! VoicePlay filmed this at a place called Oliver's Classic Cars, located in Orlando, Florida. They showed off more of the place in the BTS video, and lemme say it's a pretty cool space! Like I'm not really a car personl, but they definitely have some neat cars there!

Shifting into a really vintage effect, for both the audio and visuals!

Also another random tidbit of info for ya - this was filmed on the 16th of August, Patrons got it on the 25th, and the public got it almost a week later!

Fun fact about Layne's jacket: it didn't initially fit him - it was a bit too tight! So Earl helped him out by loosening it a little... by physically ripping apart some of the seams/stitches 😂 (and Layne made like one snip in it with some scissors he had)

Layne: "It's still not gonna fit" Earl: "It will… (chuckles as he keeps tugging seams apart) Oh you're wearing it!" Layne: "No, you're wearing it!" Earl: "I'll wear it! Believe me! (Layne, Earl, and Geoff (holding the camera) all laugh). I'll split the damn thing!"

(Of course it ended up fitting perfectly)

Okay, now time for proper outfit talk!

Layne: Glad the jacket ended up fitting, because he looks great in it! Hair is great too, definitely very fitting for the aesthetic here (not that it's much different to how it usually looks, but I'm just saying)

J None: Fully embracing the nerd look! 😝 I'm not sure whether he actually ever uses/requires glasses in his day-to-day life, but these ones definitely look like they're just for effect/part of the outfit

Earl: Honestly the polka-dot shirt is really cute, and such a vibe. He looks great too!

Eli: Also going for the nerd look, or would "geek" be more appropriate here? (I'm just teasing, lol). Obviously his glasses aren't just for show, as he wears them in almost all of VoicePlay's older stuff (up until around 2021 iirc?), but he also went for a pale yellow shirt, light blue tie, and dark blue cardigan.

Geoff: Sleeveless Geoff! Sleeveless Geoff! This is one of the first times he was bare-shouldered in a VoicePlay video I believe, after Boy Bands In Five Minutes?

Kinda blurry but I couldn't help myself <3

Oh yeah and also check out how they're all sitting on different kinds of stools! (Except for Geoff, who's just casually sitting/leaning on a car, love that for him)

Also take note of how Eli, the shortest of the group, is sitting on the highest seat of all of them, and also has his feet resting on another stool, lol

More BTS info! This was filmed using a tripod on a dolly (a thick platform low to the ground with wheels on the corners), but the dolly didn't wanna stay on its track thing, so the cameraguy, someone named Chadd Winston, was often on his knees on the floor, manually adjusting its movements!

"Now every time I look at you" "(I look at you)"

Vibes of the Reflection bit from VP's ACA Top 10 Disney Heroes ngl 😝

Layne! Why are you looking so sus? 😂

(Also very similar vibes of that one bit in Classical Chaos, which I also got screenshots of)

"Something is on my mii-iiind"

(Geoff and his self-conducting movements, love them, love him <3)

(Again practising great restraint in not including even more Geoff screenshots in this post. His smile is so nice in this one!!!)

"And hoping we'll meeet-"

Oh and you know how I said about how this was filmed using a dolly? Well at one point during filming, the dolly was moving backwards, to zoom out on the shot, but the tripod + camera on it started falling! Thankfully Chadd was an absolute hero, and grabbed the camera before it hit the ground! (Extra lucky, because the camera was a rental!)

J certainly had some funky moves in this one! 😆

I also love his "head waggles", just a little before this bit

Uh, Layne? You good there pal? 😂

Also if you turn on captions (the proper captions), for this but it says "(Slow wind down like a tired robot with a hangover)" 🤣

Lol rip, I think Layne's batteries need charging! XD

(Also I love how Geoff isn't even looking at Layne, he's just like "yeah nah he does this all the time, nothing to see here" 😝)

So that's Sh-Boom! Fairly straightforward video, fairly straightforward post, but I hope you still enjoyed it, and there's certainly more fun posts coming your way! Until next time!

[void-chara]

thanks for being cool with me adding my analysis!!

no yeah i totally get being super dramatic about things right after theyve just happened, before you have time to really sit with them. i usually just keep my overdramatic not super thought through stuff in discord messages, rather than tumblr posts.

I have like a core memory from one of the earliest s4 streams I saw, don't remember which one or what was going on but Mapicc did something and I was like, 'woah that was actually, like, super honorable of him, despite the absolute bs that they pull off on this server. That's so awesome, you love to see that.'

no yeah this makes sense as something that would stick in your mind, thats so real. mapicc is so good about like, showing up to things and taking risks for the sake of having more fun and making better content for himself and others.

The context about bringing the wormhole up for the lying to others was definitely just me being a Zam-first fan, and how he kept the secret to everyone and anyone, lying to Planet and Bacon about it, despite how much he was unsure of it. Lol. Eclipse my beloved and how fucked up they were. And Spoke to Parrot.

ohhh yeah ok i can see how you got there then. yeah, its super easy to just think about the guys you watch most instead of the server as a whole, im guilty of that too

Versus how the old members molded it as they went and had the inside part of building that reputation. And how Youtube videos differ so much from streamed content. You're going to edit the betraying and scheming differently for a fast paced video in a way that can never express what it's like living it in real time. And living it real time will make it so the reputation grows at the same time you grow, as opposed to entering into that reputation down the line. That's more what I was trying to get at. And then my PrinceZam brainrot got the best of me lol.

oh i absolutely get what you mean about streams and videos feeling way different, yeah. but i do think a lot of the members who watched ls before joining did also watch streams, not just videos? i see familiar names in the chats in vods a lot whenever i go to rewatch, off the top of my head i think i can remember minute, derapchu, and kaboodle all appearing pretty frequently in lifestealer chats before any of them joined the server

Now I am thinking of more, like it was Parrot who betrayed the... Dirties? Because he was conveniently added to the group chat at the right time and took full advantage of it?

iirc i think it was team chaos who betrayed the dirties, and parrot who in turn betrayed team chaos? i could be wrong tho, i havent rewatched any s3 recently

You said you've been around since s2 started. That will pretty much do it. I will fully admit I found Lifesteal mid/late season 4 right after the Eclipse Betrayal and pieced things together and struggled greatly at figuring out which youtube videos went with which seasons and generally gave up in favor of watching streams. So I also don't have as much emotional attachment (and memory) to the betrayals of s3 and before, (not to mention "lore" didn't start until the end of s3 and that has shaped the old members a lot. At least the ones that played into it) and it was such a notable moment with Zam betraying so many people s4 and also spending so much time thinking about it that that really became my baseline for a story well told: Not betraying for the sake of betraying, but really thinking about it because the concept of "team" means something beyond your individual goals.

so actually, im in kind of a weird place with when i started watching? i had already been watching rekrap prior to him joining lifesteal, so when he joined ls i started watching his videos there too. but i didnt watch any other lifestealers, and tbh i prefered reks echocraft content and wanted him to do more stuff on there instead of ls. and then branzy, who i also already watched, joined lifesteal in s3. so i was watching branzy and rek, and then because i watched branzy i of course also started watching clown(clownzyGay), and i also started getting more invested in lifesteal, i believe this is also when i started watching vitalasy, roshambo, and probably a few other people? and then s3 ended, and none of my main povs were doing much in s4, so i kinda stopped paying attention to lifesteal. but randomly in january 2023 i remembered the server existed and got super obsessed with it out of no where, and started watching streams for the first time. i believe this was just barely a bit before zam joined eclipse federation? so obviously i got obsessed with those guys. january/maybe febuary 2023 is also when i started trying to get involved in the fandom! so ive technically been watching since s2 started, but because of how long it took me to expand my viewpoints and start obsessing, i dont know if i can really be considered an og fan or anything.

It's actually so interesting though. How are new fans vs old? How has the lore effect of s4 has made a whole new category of fan that is just extremely different in mindset to fans who have been around since the start?

im also really curious about this tbh! things felt kind of different when i was first getting into the fandom, but, im sooo curious what it was like before, i really wish id gotten invested and started watching streams way sooner than i did

Wemmbu being like "i don't give a shit if you give the heart back or not" was just annoying, like have an opinion bro, take a side. You're the leader, decide the result. That was one specific line I was thinking of when writing that.

tbh i like when wemmbu is an annoying little shit for no reason. hes a silly guy to me i enjoy him. he sucks <3 i do think wemmbus lack of care can actually be super interesting as a character trait! its really different and thats fun! but also i just like when theres an annoying little asshole who sucks for no reason

The killing randomly.. I am a Bacon supporter that killing innocents for the sake of killing innocents is not it. It has to have some sort of meaning behind it for me to be on board. Killing the new member over and over teaches them something. Idk maybe I don't agree with that anymore. Kab killing Planet had the effect of making Bacon think about getting involved so it really was useful. I was thinking about Hannah killing Bacon without Kab talking to him first, like that instantaneous kill that doesn't involve talking. I hate those. But I'm also a lore goblin.

i think part of the reason that i dont mind random killing, is that its still characterizing that some players are willing to kill randomly, just out of boredom or for fun or because they want hearts. it says something about who they are as characters and what they are willing to do and what they think is and isnt important!

you are talking about hannah killing bacon after incorrectly assuming he told mane where kab was, right? i havent been watching streams as much lately cause ive been busy with college, let me know if theres something else you're referring to im missing. anyway, tbh i actually like that hannah did that, i think its fun that she cares about kab so much that her immediate reaction was to try and get revenge for her!

I usually just need like a day or two to realize how the development will still be interesting even if it didn't measure up to my expectation.

no yeah this is exactly why i do my liveblogging, especially when im upset about things, on discord instead of tumblr. cause usually it turns out ok, and i realize i dont need to make such a big deal of it! and i dont wanna save my momentary frustrations somewhere public on tumblr, id rather have my blog be mostly more thought through stuff that im still gonna agree with later, instead of stuff i know doesnt matter and ill be over soon.

That is what I meant "for content" actually. I think. The concept of random people teaming up and seeing what comes of it. Maybe just saying "they don't know how to take risks for content" is the best way to say it. idk apparently I also don't know what I meant. Not my greatest writing moment I'll admit.

ohhh yeah ok this makes sense. i do also wish more players were willing to do risky things for content, i think its fun. i think some players havent realized that losses can also be interesting in videos, and even if everything doesnt go perfectly that doesnt mean the video is ruined. theres a rekrap video from s2 i think, where he spends the whole thing making a trap, and then no one falls for it and he even dies to it himself i think? and thats just the end of the video! he doesnt get someone with it in the end, he fails and ends the video! and i wish there were more videos like that on lifesteal, i think the failure makes it all feel more real, because it is, things go wrong sometimes! idk where im going with this. yeah.,

Thanks again! I loved this. You always have permission to make a reblog with analysis. I'll let you know if I'm ever like, this is stressing me out please don't do it again.

yay!! yeah i might take you up on that, im super busy all the time but this was really fun <3

Ok just caught up and like. What the fuck man. 

I literally all can do is just sit here and hope and pray that the old members stick it out and help the new members understand what lifesteal is actually about.

Because lifesteal has the reputation of being the lying and betraying and killing people server. 

But it is just Not That. Like obviously those things have happened on the server, fine. 

But lifesteal is far far far more about teammates. Believing that they will have your back. Working together to do cool shit. Trusting each other. 

It’s about commitment and honor and respect and working together on an interesting goal. 

It’s about not screwing over your teammates for a cheap moment that ruins the rest of your relationship on the server. (Mapicc showed this perfectly this week too! He ended the experiments because he’d rather have a teammate than execute a crazy emotional manipulation arc on Zam and really push him over the edge.) 

They sacrifice for each other. They protect each other. They pick each other up when they get killed by their enemies. They encourage them when they’re down. Help them be strong against their fears. Get each other gear and hearts and make sure they’re safe. Spend hours on each other’s arc together in vc all night. 

They lie to OTHERS for their team. They protect the wormhole for months even when they don’t want to or believe in it at all.

They do tiny little things that they know the other person will like just so they know they love them and appreciate them being on the team. They say it too, to each other’s faces. 

It’s about loving each other bro. There’s a massive fucking reason why there’s so much shipping fanart man. They fucking love each other platonically so damn much and so damn perfectly that you can make it romantic and it’s like not even like all that weird.

It makes me so fucking mad that you could boil down this beautiful server into lying and killing and go on it and be like, I heard princezam betrays every team he’s on obviously we should betray everyone and be on the lookout for every single person being a betrayer. 

Zam fucking lost his mind over betraying team awesome and eclipse. He AGONIZED for MONTHS before pulling the trigger for eclipse and he didn’t betray team awesome until after their massive arc together that he was completely loyal to, finished it out as a team, and only when they looked like they weren’t going to give up their unfair advantage did he seek to leave them. And he fought them and left.

The fucking respect he has for a team is insane.

And same goes for Bacon and Mapicc. 

as for others:

Ro only betrays if he gets a better offer (from mapicc) 

Leo betrays when it’s interesting for the story to have a juggernaut.

Spoke betrays only when he has his own bigger plan to execute that will create something interesting for the whole server to encounter. 

Clown only betrays when you go against his morals of creating content by chaos. 

I can’t even think of any notable betrayals from before s5. Most of the server does not betray ever. Most of the server never lies. 

They only lie and betray when it’s for the benefit of the content. 

And that’s what fucking makes me so upset about this. Bacon is doing this arc for the BETTERMENT of the server. He literally says he’s doing it to make other people’s lives on the sever more interesting. It ain’t even about him. He’s not even making a video about this. He just likes to do cool shit on the server because it’s fun to craft an overarching story for everyone to play into.

It’s never been about hearts man. 

The most valuable resource on the server is content. 

And Bacon understands this. In a way that quite possibly could make him a worldender like spoke and clown. He’s really getting into the role of strategizing fun things for the server to do for no other reason than someone has to do it and that it’s good for the server. 

But the new members just do not understand what “for content” means. They just kill randomly. They don’t defend each other. They don’t tell the other teammate to give the heart back bc it’s been proven enough that they’re innocent. They’re constantly suspicious and will only meet if there are no enemies online. 

It’s not about the hearts man. 

It’s about the team.

[prisonguards]

FR!!! Like oh my GOD I didnt even ship smallidarity before likeeeee I was just your average flower husbands fan, and I wanted to stick hard to the whole boundary compliance thing because I was part of dsmp twt for a year and. Well. That should say enough, iykyk. But then Joel just kept obsessing over Jimmy, Jimmy kept simping for Joel, and then the entire thing with the "he's just sooo cuuuute" and "can we just compare the size difference again, its my favorite thing ever" and whatever the fuck fixating on the noise Jimmy made was and it was like. Well. Bro. BRO. THEEEEN the having a CHILD together thing happened and I just fell into shipping them immediately from E2 alone. And now I'm watching E1 and I'm gonna rewatch 100h hardcore because your blog has just made it Worse.

This has been an entire tangent but the tldr is I didn't ship smallidarity until Joel was absolutely unbearable and obvious over just how much the cuteness aggression he gets over Jimmy Gets To Him.

Also I see your tags and I bring you this: in watching E1, am I insane or is the whole "Katherine was his first ally but I am his BEST ally, I will call her a coward and get genuinely angry at her for not going to the lengths I will to protect Jimmy" give off possessiveness. Not possessiveness as in jealousy, ownership, or anything like that but more in the sense that he takes great pride in being the one who takes care of Jimmy best, so to speak and to be the one who protects him when he needs it. This isn't really related at all to what you said but I'm doing my best and it's 6 AM as I write this, I have not slept and I should cut myself off before I spout even more nonsense.

- life series anon

ANON I LUV YOU AUSGEUE. I hope you get some good sleep friend aaueghd

I think that happened to a lot of people :3 smallidarity like was ramping up all season thanks to enemies to lovers being such a popular trope/dynamic but its Exploded in popularity lately and Im so thankful for that!!! whether it be from Joels fawning or their. insanity inducing innuendoes. the more fans the merrier ^—^

IM SO GLAD MY MADNESS HAS GOTTEN U TO WANNA REWATCH 100 HOURS :3c !!! its a comfort series for me for sure. and the episodes with Jimmy in them are. absolutely the best. ep 4 is one of my favorite episodes of anything ever. and if you want more Joel fawning over Jimmys cuteness…

YESSSSSS YES.. I ADORE THEM IN EMP S1!!! their dynamic is so unique there because of how wholly and overwhelmingly soft/positive it is. theyre allies from the start and BEST allies… auuughh.. yesshh Joel gets sooo defensive over Jimmy in s1 its beautiful. how quick he is to go absolutely murder mode for Jimmy. but how quick he is to be soft for him too. SIGGHHHHH. its my dream fr. the possessiveness.. YES.. theyre just SO important to eachother and it drives me crazy. he treats Jimmy so special. the way that he has little rooms for just Jimmy and Lizzie in his palace… the special roles they both hold… his wife and his best friend… there is def such a special connection there. and the possessiveness, Jimmy has so many more allies and close allies than Joel does. Joel just enforcing and affirming his station and specialness to Jimmy every once and a while.. by insulting his other allies augshs.. augh.. I just love them

also, for anyone else mulling over boundaries still; if you want specifics he just said he finds it “a bit weird” and iirc he didnt really say you cant do it. he just doesnt get it cause hes such a wifeguy. if youre concerned you can still tag it properly/keep it out of main tags. but if he was Really upset by it he would Not be encouraging and escalating it, and making the jokes he does, and putting them in his videos, and liking comments people make about them, and the tweets he makes, and and and and… if people are harassing u on behalf of him, they dont really care about what hes comfortable with, they just wanna punch down at someone. I get wanting to be respectful, but Ive also seen it used for such cruelty 💔 so I think the most important thing to keeping everyone, including the creators themselves, happy is to keep things to the right tags and spaces and being kind to yourself and others and blocking what you need and keeping out of peoples business.

[firstkokon0is]

okay hear me out that trend where ppl make someone smell their shirt but when they lean to smell they’re gonna kiss their forehead? can i request chifuyu, baji, sanzu and mitsuya for that 😭 thankss

yes hskxuowwhs im adding smiley bc he defo will do that trend

smell my shirt *muah

gn!reader //// fluff

its happens to be he’s scrolling through tiktok and saw this trend

“hey can you smell my shirt for a sec-” the guy in the vid said. the girl lean on to smell the guys shirt then all of the sudden the guy kissed her free forehead, earning a yelp from the girl and a laugh

and since he had a s/o too, he thought of doing this to you, he set up his phone on a place where you cant see so he can capture if ever you’re gnna fall for it and kiss your forehead

CHIFUYU

he’s all set up, the phone behind something u wont even pay attention to, he cant help it but smile because he cant believe he’s doing a stupid trend to you for his own entertainment. he put his thoughts aside and called for you

“y/n!! c’mere for a sec” he called, you turned to him and paused what you were doing.

“what is it” you said “can you smell my shirt for a sec? does it smell weird? because……” he said pretending to be smelling his own shirt with a weird expression, then he let you smell it, you lean on to smell and with that chifuyu kissed your forehead. “heheheheheheheeheh” chifuyu giggled like he’s proud of himself and you’re standing there like 😧

“I SAW THIS ON TIKTOK” you while looking around for his phone, “i got it on filmed haha” he said leaning over the desk to get his phone behind something, then you rewatch it together and laughed at your reaction. He ended up uploading it then, the video did pretty good mostly the other toman members commenting weird shits under it but whatever.

BAJI

he has some plenty of vids, mostly thirst traps and vids with the gangs but he doesn’t have a content yet from you so he’s gonna do this, he didn’t even set it up to hide, his phone is just….there so when he called you you’re so confused why is he filming and what for but you gladly ask what you need to to

“smell my shirt please” he said while flashing a smile, “okay…..baji…” you replied then do as he requested, you lean on to smell his shirt while look at the camera really confused….then his lips met your forehead but instead of stand away from his chest you hide your face on his chest saying “that’s cheesy mr. keisuke”

he chuckled, “im uploading this is it okay to you?” he’s now hugging you reaching for his phone

success he thought, and get his phone to rewatch it, then uploading it knowing it will do good because you guys are cute🙄✋

SANZU

this man dont do tiktok often and doesn’t even have a content, so he’s just gonna film it for himself and for his own entertainment.

another one who’s not even gonna hide the phone its just leaning on a water bottle, then he called for you “y/n!! c’mere real quick” he said, you stopped what you’re doing and go to him

“yes?” you replied “can you smell my shirt? i feel like that perfume didn’t even stayed in….” holding a pinch of his shirt up to you, you lean on to smell it then felt his soft lips on your forehead— lets say that you know this trend but you didn’t really imagine sanzu doing this to you, instead of backing away you look up at him in awe, while he’s flashing his smile on you and chuckled at your reaction “you’re liking tiktok so much sanzu” you said still on his embrace

“this vid is only for me you know, you’re too cute” he replied pinching your nose, the vid was saved on his phone and on his favorites too, watching it whenever he feel down or just missing you in general

MITSUYA

he dont upload everyday but he’s always on tiktok and thats how he met this trend. he’s already imagining your reaction while setting up his phone somewhere you cant see, then he’s gonna call you pretending to need your help so you actually come.

“can you smell my shirt? do i smell bad or smthng?” he said pinching a piece of his shirt, without saying a word you fell for it, he kissed your forehead and giggled, an “oh” escape your lips “what is this is this for a tiktok??” you exclaimed jokingly then he nodded

reaching for his phone and rewatched the whole vid, laughing at your reaction and also proud of himself for doing this to you, you agreed to upload it because he’s gnna make money out if it so… and even mentioned to you that there’s a lot of people that wanted to be in your place and be his gf but oh well, you’re lucky

SMILEY

we all know he’s a tiktok famous, and have some plenty vids with you too just to show you off online, so when he saw the trend he need to do this with you. he didn’t even set up his phone the phone is just on his hand

“hey babe come here, smell my shirt real good” he casually said, earning a what from you he shakes his head and lean the phone on a bottle “wait why are you filming this why am i gnna smell you, you stink” you said “hey c’mon just do the trend with me- smell it i swear i wont seize you” he said, confused so you just smelled his shirt, then his lips met your forehead

“see……im just going to kiss you” he whispered, ur now a tomato y/n…..then when the tiktok’s done he rewatched it over and over like is he gnna upload it or not “god dammit nahoya are you gonna keep on rewatching that” he shakes his head then uploaded the video

“i was just irritating you hehehe, anyways thanks for pretending that you didn’t know that trend” he said earning a laugh from you

[yostresswritinggirl]

@butterfly-mochi​ Rewrote this freaking thing thrice because it keeps getting deleted wth tumblr agjvahkfajkvk- I enjoyed writing it a lot tho and since I’m too weak to the characters I ended up writing for all of them (except for Sucrose, im sorry bb huhu, I ran out of brain power). This is my first time writing for so many of them in one go so please excuse me for any mistakes or blandness ywy thank you for letting me write for my baby Ganyu too hhhhh

Universe Reversal 2

Genshin Impact Character Reader and Modern Players with Zhongli, Childe & Ganyu (how they simp for you) (event masterlist / Part 1 / Part 3)

Zhongli the F2P

The most relatable out of the bunch because this man is still broke and can only rely on the primogems he can farm. And he had a LOT. The one thing he doesn’t have a lot on, however, is his luck.

So how did he manage to pull you?: Well after exhausting all his primogem on your banner with nothing but weapons and other characters, he has lost his resolve. But by some weird luck, there was a character bug that was fixed and in his email was the almighty consolation primogem. Enough for ONE pull. And by the Gods he FINALLY got you.

He’d nonchalantly post his screenshot of pulling you using a single acquaint fate in his friend group without any words and everyone else just loses their shit. “You got them in one pull?!” “Yeah” A riot.

This was partnered with the fact that not only is Zhongli an F2P player, but also barely has any five star characters.

He looks calm and apathetic over the news, but behind the screen he’s exhausted and relieved, silently livid.

He has no primogems left to squeeze for a constellation so you’re instead pampered with the best weapon suitable for you (because that’s all he keeps getting).

Zhongles spends most of his time farming for materials to quickly level you up, unlocking all your stories and voiceline, but he fucked up on your build (his artifacts are messy).

He follows communities, forums and videos regarding your character to know all the things he needs to perfect your build. You can barely make a dent against normal mobs, so he knew he was doing something VERY wrong.

Is the type of person to keep refreshing the page for new content, very updated.

Ask him a question about your character and he’s gonna bring you the word vomit that is his research. He’s not gonna stop- probably accidentally developed a copypasta for you.

Also follows your VA in both Tiktok and Twitter to indulge in every bit of content. He also has that screenshot of his pull saved and locked.

On his birthday, a friend of his gifted him a chibi plushie of you and he has treasured it ever since, treating and handling it like its a figurine.

“It is merely pure luck and grace from the gacha gods that I got this character, and I will make sure that they know I am very grateful for this fortune.”

Favorite Voiceline: Birthday Message

Childe The Whaler

This lucky wealthy bastard with no remorse for his money whales for EVERY character. He’s making a collection, which is to get all the characters, especially the five stars. So when your banner finally popped up, he’s gonna square up and trigger a whole ass meteor shower.

How he pulled you: Money. His luck with this games are actually not the best so he always compensates with money, he got you halfway through the first failed pity, almost giving him a heart attack that he might actually break the bank just to get you.

And then he pulls more to raise your constellation lol.

The first thing he does is look over your character info and read through it all; constellation infos, your base stats, artifact compatibility.

At the end when he’s maximized everything, he would then focus on playing around with your character *coughs climbing noises coughs*

He thought you’d just be another part of his collection but playing with your character was very enjoyable and in-line with his playstyle- oops 100 screenshots with the Kamera-

Any and all merchandise that he fancies would be his, and he’s definitely flexing it to the other sweetie nerds who call themselves simps. He’s fighting for the simping title, and he’s currently neck and neck with this fanartist in Pixiv.

Speaking of that fanartist, he definitely commissioned an expensive and detailed portrait of you, full rights and everything. No one else was allowed to use it but him.

Was also the first one with the audacity to call out your VA to create an account on Tiktok to create more content with your voice. He was successful.

His obssession also comes in the form of self-indulgent contents, and had been keeping track of the ship wars happening. During conventions, he cosplays as the character shipped with you the most (or the character he thinks should end up with you).

Silently scrutinizing those who cosplay you, only ever taking pictures with/of the best looking one, sorry haha

Definitely flaunts that you are his waifu/husbando and will fight for best girl/best boy during debates or polls. Has mobilized the community to vote for you once. He’s very persuasive.

“Hm? Why I’m just the best collector in the game, and I am more than happy to let everyone know that I am their number one fan haha, everyone who claims otherwise is definitely wrong!”

Favorite Voiceline: More About (Y/N) I-IV, (Y/N)’s Hobbies...

Ganyu the Employed

Ganyu, our dearest overworker, is one of the players in the older stage who actually has a job but still plays Genshin for their past times. The gorgeous sceneries and the music is her main focus in playing the game, not much of a try-hard but still decent in the combat mechanics.

How she pulled you: You came home within 50 pulls! And you appeared again after another 10 pull! Ganyu was so SHOOKT and so distressed because oh goodness, what does she do? She doesn’t know anything much about you!

Will rewatch your three trailers to try and understand your skills better, ended up saving the soundtracks from them because that was such a nice trailer music! Tnbee gains a new follower!

Ganyu will take a while before she can properly play or build you up because she’s so busy with work, she only ever plays when she feels fully done with her work.

During her break she plays with your character while multi-tasking on eating, earphones plugged in and sight on the phone as she farms materials and artifacts for you.

The moment she gets more help from her player friends tho, holy shit, you just ended up being so OP. She had so many good artifacts and weapons for you because she didn’t know what they were for before.

She loves how you’re so easy to use and can easily solo the enemies and even the boss fights. A huge breather, because now Ganyu can cheese the battles that takes a while, to give her more time to focus on the storyline and lores.

Since Ganyu plays for the story and aesthetic, she’ll find you almost always in her team. Still very proud of her pull, she makes the best screenshots of your fights or in the best angle through exploration.

Treasures you so much she starts talking to her phone- “Ah, no, please don’t fall.” “There’s violetgrass up there, let’s try and get it”

Blushes everytime you produce a sound when climbing, doesn’t change you anyways tho

Hums to your trailer music while working, and if permitted, would have the song on repeat while she buries herself in work. She finds it really refreshing and the time she spends in work miraculously flies by fast when she gets lost in the sound.

At one point, when she was given a day-off or if the convention was on her free time, she attends to look for cosplayers of you and take a picture. No one rejects her because she’s so adorable and cute when asking shyly.

Had brought a decent amount of merchandise, preferably the functional/practical ones like a phone cover, mug or keychain. Also has an earphones clamp with your little chibi self as the holder.

When asked, she would shyly announce that she likes your character the most.

“Their character theme and music really soothes me during work, it feels nice to have them, and I have not once regretted ever pulling for them. They are the best.”

Favorite Voicelines: Good Night/Afternoon..., About Us, Something To Share..., Interesting Things...

so enjoyable...

@moaa @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @dandelion-dreams @snackgod @rxsalinee

[secriden]

oh my gosh babe, no this is the absolute OPPOSITE of annoying i love LOVE it when people interact this way!! this is like the best part of fandom-- sort of dipping your toes into something, and then having someone friendly and nice be like 'LET ME SHOW YOU THE RICHES OF THIS KINGDOM'! *u* <3 (i have no idea who haobin is but I *think* I get the idea. xD)

re: Daou's enlistment

thank you for explaining the thai enlistment thing! but also...wow, daou was enlisted but still got time off to film Love in Translation? and do promotions? that's kind of cool (in that he could keep his career alive even while enlisted), although also sound so hard having to stay fit for military training. one of my good friends is in the infantry and the training is so brutal. but the buzz cut makes sooo much more sense now. i was wondering at the odd choice cuz its so 'rough and tumble' for the thai bl industry. although it definitely has its own aesthetic appeal.

all i know is that the whole clip where offroad jumps into daou's arms when he's in military fatigues is like... what kind of fanfic my lover who I thought was lost on the battlefield has returned to me scene am i watching come to life right now?? i could practically hear the swelling orchestral music. *w*

re: pentor & diamond

YES I made the connection about pentor shortly after i posted my reaction post. xDDD I'm still reeling from that. I really really really hope that if Mame decides to make Love Sand into a show that they recast Pentor. He was hilarious and I really enjoyed his scenes and he's SO SO handsome in that soft kind of winsome way. I WANT TO PROTECT HIM. Also I'm insanely intrigued by the way FortPeat seemed to be familiar/know Pentor fairly well in the BTS of Love Sea and I'm just wondering how?? like I'm wondering if its just from workshops or if they already have like an early friendship cuz of the overall tight knit thai bl actor community.

ohhh I'll check Diamond out! Are Laz1 broken up now that DaouOffroad are kind of focusing on their acting careers and Pentor is off doing another survival show?? IDK how I feel about him going the kpop route tho-- cuz he wouldn't have time for acting if he's going to be in training for kpop.

re: Daou's background/singing

oh damn ok if he's had Chinese opera training that explains how he can hit those insane high notes. like his range is .... very impressive. but yeah just off the few clips i've seen, it does seem like he hasn't been taught to really support very well? although i'm by no means an expert, but he seems to have a lot of tension in his throat when he's in that transitional zone between the mid to high range. then he nails the highest register cuz that may be the opera training kicking in. his singing kind of fascinates me - i wonder if i can find any videos of like a professsional singer analysing his singing style. :O

LOL WAIT DID DAOU RELEASE A SONG ABOUT THE WHOLE PHI/NONG thing??? or is that a cover of a song that already exists? I didn't realise phi/nong excludes romantic implications tho?? i kind of assumed it was kind of like the korean "oppa" which, yes can be used for biological siblings but also works for like a gf/bf (bf/bf) situation. :O its hilarious that he posted a whole ass clip in reaction to that tho. xD Their sense of humour/dynamic is so different from what I'm used to (ok mostly fortpeat) and i love it in its own way. xDDD

The use of the English partner is interesting. Like fortpeat use partner too but I think they mostly use it in thai (hmmm... I need to rewatch some interviews, maybe I'm wrong about this). I wonder if that's like a bl industry staple to avoid having to confirm/deny relationships. Cuz partner works for "professional/acting" and "romantic" relationships.

although idk how much they're trying to "hide" when they have apparently literally eXCHANGED RINGS ALREADY WTF. XD

what... what was offroad expecting?? did he think daou was going to feel the ring through the tissue or something? xD

also daou showing off the ring has the same vibe as fort (peat gave fort a ring a while back and he's quite intentional about wearing it at specific events and standing in such a way that draws attention to his hands when he doesn't really do that at events where he doesn't wear that specific ring ((although its a bit different cuz fp's aren't meant to be couple rings idt... its just a gift that peat gave fort))).

SO i've never heard of lakorns before. :O I looked it up and it says "thai soap opera" so like... basically the thai equivalent of a latin american telenovela? super dramatic and potential for unhinged family story beats?? xD how intriguing. I don't think I've seen a Thai before but I did grow up watching the Indonesian/Malay/Indian versions of these types of shows and I have very fond memories of them. I wonder what that looks like in a bl tho :O

....the one with the fox???? *so confused* I tried googling "century of love fox" and got this (which cracked me up):

*does a bit more digging*

OH. O_O I... I see.

re: the whole discussion about fanservice/"ship"

OK... OKAY yeah i can kind of see why DaouOffroad may be... has quite a bit of evidence. Damn, ok, Daou just saying "its not fanservice" with his whole entire chest is a lot. "It make me upset when people assume that". WOW.

But I actually really like the point he's making about how .... dismissive it can be to assume that it IS fanservice. I've never seen that take before, and it's very thought provoking. I think (although cmiiw please!), he's kind of making the point that implicit in the idea that they're "just doing fanservice" or "its all just for show" is the assumption of heteronormativity which on a fundamental level counteracts something they maybe feel strongly about in terms of representation. Like for them, its important that people not assume that they aren't a genuine couple.

I guess the whole "it's really not our business either way" is a good rule to follow because that kind of stops both extremes.

[Note: I personally don't like it when fans get overly invested with specific couples to the point of pressuring the people to act certain ways or getting mad if they interact with other people... cuz that's the other end of the toxic fandom space that made me leave the kpop fandom years ago. But Daou still makes an excellent point that I've never really considered before and that's so cool and very thought provoking. Hmmm.]

But on the other OTHER hand-- yes, your honour, me thinks they are in love. /sCREAMS

an introduction to daouoffroad: a record (mostly for me)

so, the lovely @luthienmpl was very kind and gave me a daouoffroad starter pack so i'm gonna learn about them!

i adore finding out about something this way because it's like someone shared their love of The Thing with me! how lovely! how lucky to catch a glimpse of how much joy The Thing gives someone else!!

this is literally just random stream of consciousness thoughts as i watch the videos so i'll spare anyone who isn't interested and put it under a cut.

oh my god they met as contestants on a survival boyband show wtf!? what kind of fanfic kdrama au start is this already!?

ok damn but daou's runs tho :O <3

nooooooo offroad is crying and thanking daou for his support how dARE YOU TOY WITH MY HEART LIKE THIS!? ;A;

ohmygosh is that the actress who plays P'Joy in LITA??? <3

fuck, the pressing the face into the tummy of the one standing thing. why is that so cute. ugh D:<

waitwaitWAIT is that a thing? do directors just... write stories/shows for couples who have good chemistry whatttt?? is this like a thai ent industry staple? (oh i guess mame kind of did that with fortpeat/mutrak) that's so funny omg. xDDD

laz1 is so kpop styled :O and i must add Last Kiss to my playlist imMEDIATELY its such a pretty song?? <3333

thiS BRIDGE i AM FEELING IT!?!?! DAOU WHAT IS THAT RIFF!?!??! HOLY SHIT THAT WAS SUCH A SMOOTH TRANSITION UP TO THE HIGH NOTE!? *O* <3

(was daou already an established singer before or something?? boy has pIPES!)

*faintly* d-did he try to... bite... the cat's... paw??

/SCREAMS nO THE HARMONIES yeah ok i'm a fan weLP THA TWAS QUICK

(i'm such a sucker for vocal line groups ugh dammit TwT)

wait, enlistment?? huh i did not know thailand also did that... is it the same as skorea?

oh-- oh my god he sent flowers? through his sister?? *whispers* that's so sweet ;u;

goodness, offroad literally running and jumping into daou's arms while daou is still in military fatigues-- guys this is either zero attempt at being subtle or the best cp marketing i've seen in my life wow

awww did offroad bring his graduation gown to the event just so he could get pics with daou?? that's so cute! ;A;

okAY SIR?? SIR NO the sleeping right pressed up to offroad as he pretends to snore but like daou is just paSSED OUT HALF ON TOP OF HIm NO SIR NO I CANNOT HANDLE THIS NOPE BYE

(the cut right as daou reaches up to shut offroad up had me cracking up tho, they've got a wicked sense of humour i really like them)

ahahahah the members playing along is really cute!! poor daou has to be relegated to the "jealous bf" -- this is SO interesting to watch coming out of old kpop fandom and kpop skinship to this xD like... i am enLIGHTEND *O*

*cries* what is this... poolside actual love confession proposal with rings and pLANNING to commemorate their.. working.. relationship!?!? i'm??? they are so LOUD wtf-- i'm not... used to this... !?! *incoherent noises*

sidebar: i'm struggling to get a handle on their honorifics... are they phi/nong? but sometimes dauo sounds like he's using mueng/guu when he addresses offroad directly?

ljsdfjsLfj THE FACE. IN THE TUMMY. ITS BACK <3

OH FUCK OFFROAD WITH THE ASH HAIR. *O* YEAH YEAH OKOKOK i'M NORMAL ABOUT THIS!!!!

oh oh NO did daou just push offroad to the inside of the road so he's on the outside like that's--t hat's so boyfriend coded wtf

bahahaHAHAH is offroad going on about the bracelet because now daou *has* to buy one for him? xD what a smart cookie. xDDD

wAIT DID IT WORK!? PAHAHA--

other thoughts:

pentor looks SO FAMILIAR and i can't figure out why??? ;A; is he in something else?? i'm so confused but i think i love him already WHAT AN ADORABLE DIMPLED BOI *O*

i know you included the Whats The Matter? MV but I'm sorry I'm going to live in Last Kiss for like the next 5 days especially thAT BRIDGE WTF <3

the acoustic/live version is so PRETTY omg ;A; that 3 part harmony in the first chorus *chefs kiss*

sOMEONE is doing like a really high harmony in the pre-chorus and its so thin and wispy and pRETTY ahhh <3

although also ngl i think daou needs maybe some more vocal training he sounds quite strained sometimes... and he's got a lot of tension in his throat but good GOD his range!! he's SO talented wtf; ALSO their youngest member has SUCH a nice tone UGH <33333

their 2 shows:

ok love in translation actually sounds like exactly my cup of tea hahahah it looks so cute <3 and potentially heartbreaking but like not TOO heartbreaking

century of love... yeah ok i'm gonna put that on my list of things to get to when i'm in the right headspace for that kind of angst but what an interesting concept!! its like comphet, the series. xD

wait both their shows are comphet the series? xDDDD they just swapped who was suffering from it.

hoboy they are SO LOUD already from the beginning wtf

(sidenote but I would KILL for fortpeat to go on something like this cAN YOU IMAGINE the sHINANIGANS!! peat being so happy at all the food. fort's teasing. ugh. where can i start a petition ya'll)

the heIGHT DIFFERENCE am i'm feeling some type of way about it, yes yes i am

bAHAHAH the mandatory piggyback ride that they actually just SAY is boyfriend material i'm-- i'm not use do this lack of wink wink nudge nudge skinship approach in my boyband duos like?? *confused noises pt 2*

oh oh my gosh they have auntie fans too??? how adorableeeee!!!?! damn offroad sounds so soft in southern dialect idk whats going on my ears are blessed *u* <3

I don't know why but daou's "Try traditional snack!" made me crack up xDDDD

i have just realised what a mistake it was to start this on an empty stomach T___T that all looks SO GOOD wtf

lol that poor lady with the corgi's just wanted to go on her way and she got way-landed by these insane boys xDD

wft the nUZZING INTO THE NECK THING. IT S STILL. SO MUCH. IHAVE FEELIGNS ABOUT THIS MOMENT Tu T <3

guYS-- GUYS you said you both paid half... so you don't... you don't still need to do the cheek kisse-- oh nevermind you did them already ok then

i mean ok but for real tho the amount of times offroad just cracks up at somethign random daou does is genuinely really sweet?? like they seem to really have this wavelength that is just their own *u*

[pradaksj]

Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I’m Bored (m.)

♤ pairing: jungkook/reader

♤ genre: 1920′s au, burlesque/clubsinger!reader, infidelity au , angst, smut.

♤ rating: mature

♤ word count: 17,000+

♤ warnings: infidelity/affair [plays a big role in story so please do not read if the topic makes you feel uncomfortable, hint: y/n is not the one getting cheated on LOL], A LOT of angst lol the smut is just an add on to the story basically, explicit language, cigar smoking, degradation, pet names, overstimulation, multiple orgasms (2), dirty talk, unprotected sex, rough sex, sub!reader, teasing dom!jungkook, slight dry humping, mirror sex, fingering, hair pulling, cockwarming, marking, edging, nipple/breast worship, pussy eating, spanking, light choking, possession kink.

♤ summary: Once you were on that stage you were someone completely different, the manifestation of someone’s secret desire, becoming whatever image had of you in their head. Some days you were the innocent girl next door, other days the good girl gone wild, but the days he came you became what you had been for the past year, the other woman.

━ ❝  You got me some type of way, ain’t used to feelin’ this way. I do not know what to say, but I know I shouldn’t think about it. Took one fuckin’ look at your face, now I wanna know how you taste… You can say I’m hatin’ if you want to, but I only hate on her 'cause I want you. .❞

♤ thank u next series masterlist

♤ author’s note: i got the idea to make this story 20’s themed after rewatching 2 Chainz ft Ariana Grande’s which you can watch ☞ here, while the storyline itself is loosely inspired by her song break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored. You can also reference this video ☞ here to see what I reference in terms of style when I say burlesque dancer and what y/n and her coworkers encapsulate because I personally hate the flapper era style LOL, i’m more of a hollywood glam person, so finding this video was a godsend.  

Also fun fact, the Hollywood sign was originally built reading “Hollywoodland” in 1923, which is why it’s referred to as that in this story, it wasn’t until 1949 that “land” was removed. and because i’m setting this story in the mid to late 1920’s, Hollywood is barely establishing its reputation as the land of dreams and heartbreak & alcohol was illegal in the 20’s which is why i refer to Joon’s job as “illegal” lol .

comment, send an anon, like, reblog, and most importantly enjoy! 🤍 

“She’s the girl of your dreams, the sugar to your spice, give a warm welcome to Miss Lola de Ville,” Al’s voice booms across the club. Peeping your head out the curtains, you try your best not to be seen as you scan the audience, until finally you spot what you’re looking for. Immediately you feel your heart skip a beat.

Quickly giddying your way back to Mina’s dressing room, you could feel the anticipation and joy bubbling in your stomach, “He’s here tonight,” you sing, leaning against her door frame, watching her as she did her makeup.

She’s quick to roll her eyes, “Oh when isn’t he,” she says, fixing her lipstick, “he sure does awfully love your performances it seems,” a blush appears on your cheeks, “Is she with him tonight?” she queries, you quietly nod your head no. “And what song are you performing tonight little miss Y/N?” she asks, changing the topic once she sees your face of uncomfort.  

Immediately your eyes light up, “Al’s been playing these songs by some man named Louis Armstrong on the record player all week, and oh how I love his voice, and the lyrics he sings!” you gush.

“Oh tell me about it, he’s going to have to buy himself another vinyl if he keeps playing it the amount of times he does already, it’ll be all scratched up by the end of the week,” she pessimistically says, causing you to shrug. It wasn’t like Al didn’t have the money to buy as many as he’d like, this club of his was bringing him bank.  

“God am I ready to go home,” she complains, taking off the shiny silver ring on her left ring finger and placing it in its case, as men didn’t like giving tips to a woman with a ring on stage.

“How’s the wedding planning going along?” you ask, Mina lets out a dramatic sigh in response.

“Oh you know Joon, he doesn’t like the whole planning aspect of it, so most of it has been in my hands,” she chuckles, “but I know he’s excited, he’s just as much of a romantic as me.”

Namjoon, Mina’s long time fiancé, was not only the illegal bartender of the club you two worked in, but a long time friend of yours, the two of you going back long before he had ever met Mina. In fact it was he who got you this job to begin with, something you’d forever be in his debt for.

Namjoon of course didn’t mind that Mina had to take off her ring because he not only trusted, but respected Mina’s job. Honestly it would’ve been hypocritical for him to be anything but supportive, considering he met her here when he first started working at the club a couple of years ago. At the end of the day he was secure about his relationship, and the person she was coming home to after a night of performing was him and only him.

“Y/N what are you doing here, you go on in five!” a voice interrupts, you turn to see Al with his hands on his hips in a dramatized fashion.

“Sorry, sorry, I’ll be out there right now,” you gulp, grabbing some perfume from Mina’s desk and quickly spritzing it on yourself., “How do I look?” you ask.

“You look good as always,” Mina reassures, despite only glancing at you for no less than a second, “hey and once you’re done tell Joon to have a cocktail ready for me by the time I’m done performing,” you nod, making your way out to the main stage.

“She’s got a voice sent from the heavens above, almost as smooth as a Friday’s glass of whiskey, she can sing, she can dance, she can act, she’s a triple threat of course! And to add to it all, she’s got the face of a doll, give a warm welcome for little miss y/n!”

Slowly, the curtains are pulled open, as you signal to the jazz band to start, another day, another dollar to make. You hear the cheers of men as you slowly take off your fur-made shoulder wrap, teasing the audience in what was hidden underneath. With every holler your ego only grows, knowing that all eyes were on you, including his.

Glancing in his direction, you find him staring at you in the same concentrated, sultry gaze he always did, purposely pouting your lips as you sang. You knew the power you held, the effect you had on those around you. Once you were on that stage you were someone completely different, the manifestation of someone’s secret desire, becoming whatever image they wanted you to be in their head, a figment of their imagination come to life so to speak.

Some days you were the innocent girl next door, other days the good girl gone wild, but the days he came you became what you had been for the past year, the other woman.

Unstrapping the leather of your heel, your feet immediately feel relief, as you kick off the black t-strap heels you had been wearing all night under your vanity desk. Though you loved wearing heels, the constant foot blisters caused by the cheap leather were definitely a downside.

Making yourself comfortable in your seat, you dump out the money from your tip jar, a smile appearing on your lips as you noticed the twenty dollar bill in the pile. Eagerly you grab it, excitedly crisping the sturdy green bill.

“They must've really liked that performance today,” a voice whispers to your ear from behind, catching you by surprise. You were used to him making a knock of some sort. Immediately you feel the tingle of goosebumps now prickling onto your skin, the giddy feeling in your stomach never getting old.

Slowly, he begins to give small pecks on your neck, every kiss lingering longer than the last. His lips then begin to softly suckle on your neck, causing you to push your head back in pleasure.

“Jungkook,” you complain, knowing exactly what he was doing.

“Too bad that tip wasn’t from me,” he shades, clear annoyance coming from his tone. In your distracted state, he snatches the bill from your hands, causing you to immediately get up from your seat in an effort to get it back.

“Hey,” you childishly groan, trying to reach his arm which was now lifted in the air. Seeing that there was no use in trying, you give up. He then relaxes his arm, and begins to inspect the bill, your eyebrow raising at his action.

“What are you—”

He scoffs, rolls his eyes, and suddenly rips the bill into shreds. Eyes widening in shock, you  place a hand over your mouth. But as quick as the shock came, it was replaced by anger even quicker, “What the hell is wrong with you!” you shout, eyebrows now furrowed.

“It was a counterfeit, a fake,” he reiterates, leaving you slightly taken aback, but you try your best not to give a reaction.

“And,” you stutter, “And how are you so sure about that, huh?” you cross your arms, still upset at how sudden his actions were.

“Because this,” he pulls out a twenty-dollar bill from his pocket, “is a real one,” he attempts to hand the bill to you, but is met with resistance on your side.

Pushing his hand away, you scowl, “I don’t want your money, I’ve told you that already,” you huff, feeling a slight tug at your heartstrings, your ego now bruised at both the fact that the bill was fake and that Jungkook felt compelled to replace it for you.

He hugs you from behind, rocking both you and him back and forth, “I know, I know,” he chuckles, “but seeing the way those men kept looking at you,” he pauses, now scowling, “I guess you can say I don’t like what’s mine being spoiled by others,” he ponders causing you to roll your eyes, still in his embrace nonetheless.

“It’s my job,” you jest, “not like I’m sleeping with them,” you shade, a sly smirk now on your face, as you feel his hardened member now rubbing against your ass, a clear sign that you weren’t the only feeling aroused.

“Feisty, huh?” he laughs, his right hand from behind slowly making its way around your neck, softly gripping your smooth skin. Soon enough, he begins to kiss you, your lips parting to let his tongue slowly go down further, the grip on your neck becoming tighter as the kiss deepens.

With his other free hand, he maneuvers under your robe, teasingly grazing over your thigh, almost as if waiting for the green light, “Just say the words,” he whispers into your ear, his fingers now tugging at the hem of your robe.

Without saying anything, you begin to untie it, the silk material dropping to the floor in a matter of seconds, now only in your bra and underwear, you whisper in return, “Fuck me,” and with that he’s quick to release the grip on your neck, turning you to face him. His kisses become sloppy as he signals for you to jump.

Now holding you up by the thighs, you link your arms around his neck as he places you on top of the vanity desk, careful to not push any of your perfume bottles, “I bet those men could only dream of having you like this,” he growls in between kisses, “Take off the bra,” he demands, his fingers now playing with the lace of your underwear.

With no second thought, you unclip the back of your bra, throwing it somewhere across your dressing room, desperate to have him inside you already. With one hand rubbing circles over the lace, the other rolls your hardened nipples in between his fingers, a smirk now plastered onto his face as he hears you trying to suppress your moans.

“Please Jungkook,” you whine, your thighs tightly wrapped against his waist, grinding yourself against his pants. Ignoring you, he sucks on the underside of your jaw, then to your neck, slowly making his way downward, until finally he’s softly sucking on your nipple.

“God that feels so good,” you pant, throwing your head back in complete utter bliss as he marks you, your hand gently tugging at his hair as he elicits the sweetest moans out of your mouth.

“All mine,” he groans, “I’m gonna fuck you so good, gonna have creaming all over my fucking cock,” continuing to suck on your nipples, his finger now slips under your underwear, placing them inbetween your folds, “Already this wet, kitten?” he mocks, “Those men out there have no idea how much of a whore you are,” his fingers begin to move up and down your clit, doing nothing but teasing you.

“Please Jungkook,” your voice shakes, the need to feel something, anything, inside you becoming much too overwhelming. Slowly he sinks his index finger into your pussy, pumping it in and out of you until gradually he slips in another, your wetness making it easy to do so. You arch your back against the vanity’s mirror in pleasure, “Mm, faster Jungkook,” you manage to breathe out, his two fingers soaked with your wetness.

“So tight,” he mutters his pace now quickening at your command, “Look at you, already wanting to cum,” he mocks, “How do you expect to take my cock huh?” he mumbles into your neck, ready to add a third finger, “Answer me,” he demands, bringing his other hand to your neck once again.

“Because,” you’re unable to reply, now feeling your release coming to light,  “I’m boutta—” you whimper, with every movement you feel it coming closer and closer until suddenly he slows his pace, very much denying you from your release only causing you to let out a cry in complaint, the pressure that had built up immediately slowing down, “Jungkook,” you whine.

“You didn’t answer me,” he teases, pulling your underwear off, now having you completely undressed. Getting on his knees, he parts your legs wide open, your pussy being nothing but a glorious sight to him. Gently he swipes his finger across your sensitive folds, knowing that your senses were heightened from the denial, “Such a pretty pussy,” he teases, now rubbing circles onto your clit, “I bet you taste so good,” he pulls his finger away, suckling on the wetness that coated his finger, “so it does,” he says.

“Use your tongue,” you needily whisper, not sure at how long you’d be able to handle all the teasing, “please,” you cry, hoping that he’d do something soon. He drops wet, messy, kisses along your thighs, your skin now prickling in anticipation. He was purposely taking his time, finding pleasure at your squirming. A part of you just wants to push his head for your selfish reasons, but you knew that it’d get you nowhere because at the end of the day he was in full control, and you would just have to deal with the pleasurable torture.

With every kiss, suckle, and lick, you could practically feel yourself trembling, “Please Jungkook,” you beg, but he only hums in response, continuing with his wicked game of torture. Unable to control yourself, you let go of his hair, now maneuvering your hand to your pussy in a desperate effort to soothe the ache that had long been built up.

But just as you’re about to begin to pleasure yourself, his own reflexes are quick to grab you by the hand, roughly pushing it down onto the desk in an effort to stop you, “Mm mm mm,” he coos, “A slut like you doesn’t get to be in control, remember that kitten,” he sings, making a nodding motion with his finger.

Soon enough, you feel his warm tongue on your clit, licking and sucking through your folds, his index finger rubbing at your clit all at the same time. “Oh my God, right there,” you moan, the tension you felt immediately being released as he indulged himself further into your folds, pumping his finger back into your pussy once more, this time rubbing at your g-spot, your folds completely soaked with both your fluids and his saliva. Your orgasm once again was building up and as a result your pussy clenched around his fingers, your muscles going limp as you knew it was coming closer.

“You’re gonna cum for me, kitten?” you vigorously nod your head in response, physically squirming at his words, “Cum for me,” he breathes out, the euphoric feeling overcoming you, as you felt the waves of your orgasm hit, leg trembling at the sensation. Immediately he begins to plant soft kisses among your thighs, softly caressing you as you came down from your high.

He gets up from his knees, beginning to gently place kisses onto your cheek, “What a good girl,” he teases, going in to kiss you. You place your hand at the back of his head as you deepen the kiss, transforming the kiss to nothing but tongue and saliva. The two of you now making out on the vanity once again, his hardened cock rubbing against your bare pussy, the fabric of his pants acting as the only barrier in between.

He groans once you playfully you graze your other hand over the fabric, the idea of having his cock filling you up only exciting you, “I need you to fuck me,” you whisper into his ear, arousal dripping from every word as you played with the waistband of his pants.

“Is that what you want, kitten?” he asks, now unbuttoning his pants, and pulling out his thick, large cock, “Such a little whore, singing and dancing for those men,” he seethes, the look of jealousy presently on his face, “if only they could hear the way you squirm for me,” he chuckles, “just how needy and desperate you become for my cock,” you gasp as you feel his head now teasing the slit of your entrance, “How I have you moaning my name,” he whispers, suckling at the nip of your neck.  

“Put it in already,” you whine, ready to have his cock thrusting in and out of you, and so with that he slowly pushes his head which was covered in pre-cum into your hole, your wetness from earlier making it easy for him to slip it in, while your hot walls take him in with ease just as the many nights before, but still the pressure of the stretch was something you’d never get used to.

“So fucking tight,” he grunts, impusivley pulling your hair from the back as his girth pushed it’s way inside of you, taking a moment to allow the two of you to adjust, his cock now buried deep within you, “Tell me when you’re ready Y/N,” he sincerely says, having seen the momentary look of discomfort on your face.

Nodding once you were ready, he begins to slowly thrust, the items you had on the vanity beginning to jump at the sudden movement of the desk. Your moans and the squelching sound from the movement of his cock and your wetness now fill the room, his pace quickening with every deep thrust.

“Oh fuck—” you cry, his own grunts and moans mixing with yours.

“This is my pussy, you got that?” all you can do is nod in response, his thrust getting harder and sloppier, until suddenly he stops, “Turn around and bend over the desk,” he commands, pulling out and pumping his girth with his hand, not wanting to lose momentum.

It was shocking really, the countless number of times you two have fucked in between show sets, prior, and after, and each and every time it felt as good and exciting as the first time.

Eagerly you turn around, laying your stomach flat on top of the vanity’s surface, your dripping soaked pussy in full view for him, the cold air of the room along with the lack of fullfiness in your cunt causing you to let out a small whine, desperate to have Jungkook’s cock warm you up again, “God, you’re beautiful,” he murmurs to himself, looking at your face from the reflection in the mirror as he began to stuff your pussy with his cock once again.

He begins to thrust again, each one feeling fuller than the last, “Fuck Jungkook,” you cry, his cock now hitting your g-spot in this position, “Faster baby,” the friction from his steady rythym now wasn’t enough, as you felt another orgasm incoming.

“Faster?” he asks, “You said it,” he laughs, now pounding against your walls at a pace that was so overwhelming, you were almost sure that anyone within ten yards could probably hear you. “You nasty little slut, just look at yourself,” he groans, yanking you by the hair and forcing you to look at the reflection of yourself in the mirror in front of you, “I’m the only one who gets to fuck you like this,” he quickens his his pace, the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room, “And only me, you got that?” all you could do was moan in response, resulting in a hard spank to your ass, “Answer me!” he groans, as you grip onto the corners of your vanity’s desk, his cock pounding harder and harder within your walls every passing second.  

“Mmhm only you Jungkook!” you cry, placing your hand on the mirror, trying not to lose balance of yourself, “I’m so close,” you manage to breathe out, the tight feeling in your abdomen signaling that you were going to cum any moment, his breathy moans also telling you that he was close to bottoming out as well.

He tilts down, the sounds of his panting now directly behind your ear, “That’s my girl,” he whispers, pushing your hair away from your neck to give you a small kiss. Seconds later, your vision goes white as you feel the final rush of stimulation washing over you, as he quickly pulls out and pumps his own release onto your back. The two of you now catching your breath, completely exhausted.

He buttons his pants back up, grabbing your things from the floor as well as a towel from your rack, gently cleaning you up as you remain in your position, too tired to even stand. “Come on,” he whispers, gently pulling you from behind so that he could pick you up, your body always feeling completely limp post-orgasm, add the fact that this was post-work as well, you had every reason to be tired.

Placing you on the small love-seat couch you had in your dressing room, which was generally used for—nevermind that, he helps dress you, guiding your legs through the underwear holes, laughing at your groans whenever you’d miss. “Come on, stop being lazy,” he teases, only resulting in another groan from you. You cross your arms again and pout like a kid, a huge grin now on his face. Gently, he cups your face, playfully squishing your cheeks in the process, just like he always does, only causing you to roll your eyes.

“Why do you always do that?” you manage to say, his hands still squeezing the life out of your cheeks.

“Because it’s cute,” he gives you a peck on the lips before finally letting them go, allowing you to place your robe back on, “You’re cute,” he nuzzles into your neck, the two of you to falling back on the couch, as he then begins to tickle you.

“Stop,” you begin to hysterically laugh, his fingers prancing around the sides of your stomach, “Jun—Jungkook stop,” you breathe out, a toothy grin on his face as he attempted to avoid your playful kicks.

To any other person, this loving moment between you two would cause nothing of the suspicion, hell, they’d probably even mistake the golden band on his finger as the sacrament of your holy matrimony. It was moments like these where you questioned where your relationship with the married man stood, where you’d ask yourself at what point had the line blurred between only doing this for fun and actually having feelings?

Slowly Jungkook stops tickling you once he notices that your laughs had begun to die down, and your face had become serious,“Hey what’s wrong?” he asks with genuine concern in his voice.

You shake your head, not wanting to dwell on your thoughts too much, “It’s nothing really,” you give him a small smile.  Momentarily he stares at you, seeming unconvinced by your answer.

“Let’s go home?” you stare at him wide-eyed, home?

“Wait what?”

“I asked if you’d like me to take you home?” he chuckles, though you knew you must’ve heard him wrong, the sinking feeling in your heart hurt just as much, a part of you secretly hoping that you were wrong.

“Oh um,” you respond, “no it’s fine Jungkook, I’ll just um,” you run a hand through your hair, “I’ll just ask Joon, I think he should still be cleaning up, and Mina is probably bored waiting,” you force a laugh. He furrows his eyebrows, unsure about leaving you here, but relents nonetheless.

“Hm, okay then,” he says, giving you a departing kiss on the cheek, “I’ll see you soon, alright?” you nod your head, the forced smile on your face quickly dropping the moment he walks out the door.  

“You sure are loud, Namjoon was complaining about wanting ear muffs while he cleans,” Mina laughs, now entering your dressing room, Jungkook having left several minutes ago. She expects you to laugh like you usually do, or even throw a smart remark in return, but instead you remain silent, staring at your reflection in the vanity’s mirror. Your eyes were puffy from crying, because in those minutes that Jungkook had left, a feeling of shame had washed over you. “Hey, what’s wrong kiddo?” she walks towards you, quickly grabbing a tissue from the tissue box you had on your desk, beginning to wipe the run down mascara from your cheeks, softly running her other hand through your hair in an effort to comfort you.

Sniffling, you shake your head in refusal to talk, “Hey, come on, you know you can tell me anything,” she reassures, “It’s better to let things out, than to have it build up,” she frowns, the sight of seeing you cry breaking her heart.

“I,” you struggle to say what’s on your mind, “I love him,” you whisper, voice breaking as you finally said what you’d long known. For a second she stares at you, her faint gasp quickly hidden as she continues to comfort you.

“Oh Y/N,” she sighs, sad that she is unable to find the words that could make this all better. If only Namjoon was—

“What’s going on he—” Namjoon furrows his eyebrows as he sees the sight of his fianceé comforting his long time friend, who now had her face buried in her hands.

“I love him so much, and everytime he comes here I just wanna tell him,” you pause, “I wanna tell him everytime he walks out that door that he could be with me, that I want him to love me,” you cry, “that the only reason I keep seeing him is because I hope one day he just magically wakes up and walks through that door to tell me that he wants to be with me and only me, not her.”

You push your hair back in distress, “And you have to understand I never meant for things to go this far,” you quietly mumble, “and at first it was just a one time thing, nothing but a tiny sin, I thought I wouldn’t ever see him again, but now it’s become so much more,” you sigh, “And I know what I’m doing is wrong, but I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t feel anything.”

Namjoon walks over to you, crouching down so that you could face him, “Hey, we’re not here to judge you,” he firmly states, gently pulling your hands away from your face so that you could make eye contact with him, “you have every right to feel the way you do, you hear me?” slowly you nod your head in response as he lets out a chuckle, “Hell, we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t act selfishly here and there,” he pauses, “but what you do need to do is tell him because you’re right, you can’t keep doing this, or else you’ll be stuck in the same old place forever, and we wouldn’t want that, now would we?” he flashes you his famous old dimpled smile, Mina rubbing small circles on your shoulder as an extra layer of comfort.

“I’m scared,” you whisper. It was true, you were, because what if he didn’t feel the same way? What if he told you that there was no way he’d ever leave her for you? That the feeling of love which had only been growing stronger for the past year would remain as nothing more than a fantasy.

“You’ll never know till you say something,” he gives you a small comforting smile, “Come on let’s get you home little miss Y/N,” he pats your lap, getting up from his crouched position, your Friday night coming to its end.

Jungkook opens the door to his home, genuinely tired from the long week, simply ready to go to bed. “So, where were you?” he hears a voice from behind say. Sighing, he turns around to face his wife of three years, who was currently dressed in her overseas designed silk-purple nightgown, one of the many she owned.

His eyes glance around the room, refusing to make eye contact, “I went out to get drinks with Jimin, you know... the usual for a Friday night,” he wonders how long she’s been waiting for him, honestly it had been a while since she pulled something like this.

“All the bars close at ten, it’s twelve,” she tries to firmly state, but instead her voice cracks, “I have Amelia calling me telling me that Jimin’s gotten hom—”

“Catherine,” he begins, his voice hoarse at how tired he was, “Can we just talk about this some other day? I’m just really tired and,” he shakes his head, combing his hand through his hair, hoping she’d understand.

Catherine momentarily stares at him in silence, an emotionless look on her face before turning and going back upstairs to their bedroom. Jungkook decides to serve himself a glass of whiskey before going to bed in hopes of getting rid of the heavy guilty feeling that weighed over him, and that maybe tonight it’d just be best to sleep on the couch.

“Blue or Red?” you dangle the two outfits from their hangers in front of Jungkook, who was relaxing on your dressing room’s couch, exhausted from the sex you two just had, “I’ve personally been told blue is more of my color, but I feel like red makes me pop out a whole bunch more, and well I need those tips,” you ramble, “So what do you think?”

It had been about two weeks since you last saw him, and since your little breakdown, and though you had taken Namjoon’s words into consideration, the courage to actually go through with it just wasn’t there. Instead you had decided that you needed to wait for the right moment to tell him, and though you weren’t exactly sure when that moment would be, you were definitely sure that when it did happen, maybe, just maybe, everything would turn out how you pictured it to be.

He stretches his arms, releasing a yawn, “Mm,” he hums, “how bout none and you call it a day,” he winks, resulting in a playful hit to the shoulder from you. You gasp as he pulls you to sit on his lap, “And what song are you singing tonight kitten?” he asks.

“Mm I don’t know yet,” you laugh, “might just come up with something last minute,” you joke, but secretly you always did want to venture into composing and writing your own music, weekly newspapers citing that across the country in Hollywoodland, people who could sing, dance, and act, could achieve overnight worldwide fame.

Hollywoodland was a dream, an unrealistic one of course, but a dream nonetheless. Who knows, maybe one day you could make it big out there, but for now you had to focus on where you were locally “famous” : Al’s Melody Noir.

“And become the next Hollywoodland star?” he teases, quickly squishing your cheek before you could knock his hand away.

You shrug, “Hey, you never know,” you smile, “someone in the crowd might just hand me a one way ticket,” you say causing him to roll his eyes and playfully tighten the grip he had on your waist.

“Why not audition for Broadway or something,” he pouts his lips, “they can always use a star like you,” he sings.

“Because I don’t want to be a Broadway star,” you say, “I want to be a Hollywood star,” you grin, “I mean no offense to those Broadway stars, they’re talented and all, but I’m telling you right now that in 50 years from now, the names that are going to be remembered will be the ones who are on that big screen,” Jungkook quietly hums in response, no longer wanting to entertain this topic.

Grabbing his wrist, you glance at his wrist watch, “Ooo, I’m about to go on,” you yelp, quickly getting up from his lap and making any final touch ups to your hair, he gets up as well now getting ready to head out. “Are you sure you can’t stay to see me perform tonight?” you plead, the doe eyed look on your face making it hard for him to say no, but he had to, it was the sole reason why he came to see you before your time slot.

“You know I can’t doll,” he gives you a small kiss on the lips, “I got a whole bunch of paperwork to catch up on tonight,” he sighs, he wasn’t lying either. The stock market was booming as of late, especially because of the newly profound industrial boom, being a stockbroker right now was not only a stressful job but one where any little mistake could cost absolutely everything, “Next time I’ll be there, I promise,” he plants another kiss to your forehead, “And don’t put on too much of a show for em!” he shouts as he walks out.

You look at yourself one last time in the mirror, “Let’s do this,” you whisper, ready to make that stage yours once again.

“Oh you should've seen us having to push that car down the road, whoever this Henry Ford man is needs to learn how to make his cars weight lighter,” Mina complains, you and Namjoon laughing as the three of you were now together at the bar, Namjoon still on the clock of course.

Despite it being a rainy day, tonight was a full house, the club full of upper New York socialites occasionally some of them with their wives and girlfriends. Gambling tables were surrounded by both business men and mafia members. It was clubs like Al’s where you’d see the two different worlds collide and openly interact with one another, but honestly most of these men went hand and hand with each other. Not like there really was that much of a difference between them.

Mina puffs out the smoke from her cigar, “Look, I even chipped my nail,” she flaunts her left hand, Namjoon laughs at her obvious attempt to show off her shiny engagement ring.

“Hey don’t go flaunting it around too much,” he playfully says, but both you and Mina knew that behind that joking tone, he was definitely being serious.

She leans over the front bar rail, dramatically puckering her lips, to which he of course places his lips on, “Hey, get a room!” you complain, “Al sees you two doing that on the clock and he’ll have you two written up!” you laugh.

“Hey I’m on my break,” she clarifies, “And so are you, and if I’m looking at the clock correctly you go on in forty, and you have yet to change.”

Getting up from the bar stool, you dramatically groan in annoyance, now pursing your lips, “Didn’t realize you wanted me gone so badly.”

“Ah you know I’m just joking Y/N,” she passes you her glass of whiskey, “A shot for good luck,” she winks, and so reluctantly you slug down the remainder of her drink, the burning sensation not at all feeling pleasant, as your nose immediately wrinkled at its taste.

“I don’t know how you two drink this stuff,” you say, a childish look of disgust on your face, “it’s banned for a reason you know.”

“You get used to it,” Namjoon comments, “Now get going! Because of all this small talk, you only got thirty minutes left, and we all know how long you take!” he scolds, making a motion with his hand for you to start walking.

“Yeah yeah yeah,” you roll your eyes, now making your way back to your dressing room.

“Remember to show em what you’re made of Miss Hollywoodland,” Mina shouts, as you now shook your head in laughter as you left.

You walk towards your dressing room, still laughing to yourself at Mina’s little comment. Tonight was already a good night, your tips seeing a slight increase after your new performance which of course you’d have to count singularly later to get exact numbers. But for now all you wanted to simply do was change, get your last performance over with, catch a cab, and go to bed. The sound of the rain pouring outside would be nothing but relaxing once you got home, that was for sure.

“Mina, Mina, Mina,—” you mumble to yourself, grabbing the handle to your dressing room, ready to just kick off your heels. But what you see in front of you once you open the door immediately confuses you, as someone was occupying your vanity chair. It wasn’t until you looked at the reflection of the mirror that the heavy feeling weighing on your chest dropped down to your stomach. Because there she was sitting with her legs crossed, fixing her crimson colored lipstick in the mirror.

Standing there in silence, your eyes study her body language. In a way she seemed eerily relaxed, her shoulders weren’t tensed like yours, and her breathing seemed steady. The complete opposite of you.

The tension in the room was so thick, you were unsure of what to say because really what was there for you to say? You knew why she was here, she knew why she was here, so then why did everything feel so uneasy, like a bubbling bottle ready to pop off at any moment.

You want her to scream, to tell you off, to do something that you would expect from her, but instead she hums a tune, continuing to fix her lipstick, not once making eye contact with you, until finally she breaks her silence. A quiet, sly, chuckle coming from her lips.

“You know when I first met Jungkook I remember my heart feeling as if it was going to leap out of my chest,” she calmly shares, “Our respective families had introduced the two of us to one another at some horse racing event in New Orleans, my mother pulling me to the side to tell me that he was an up and coming stockbroker, not that it mattered anyway, I had already been swept off my feet from the moment I laid my eyes on him,” she scoffs at recalling the memory, “and you know I’d like to think that just for that one day he felt the same thing I had felt for him.”

She pauses, hazily looking at her reflection in the mirror, still not having glanced in your direction. “We got married a couple months later, bought our first home here in New York, and every morning I’d make him his cup of coffee and kiss him off for work. I remember thinking about just how perfect my life had come out to be. I was buying custom dresses from Europe, and having my pearls imported from the southern China sea, everything a girl could dream of,” she looks down at the ring placed on her left index finger, shining as bright as ever, “I remember bragging to my friends about my perfect life, and they would tell me that all I needed was the kids,” she laughs, “The other housewives would gossip to me about husbands cheating on their wives’ and I would think to myself how Jungkook would never do that to me, that he loves me too much do something like that.”

“But what I had failed to realize was that I was always viewing things from my perspective,” she shakes her head, almost as if disappointed with herself, “I guess it’s due to the way I was raised, I mean I was a spoiled child who grew up in a wealthy family, never once did I see things from the perspective of others,” she comments, “because maybe if I had I would’ve realized that my husband had quickly fallen out of love with me, or hell he may have never been in love with me to begin with,” the lurching feeling of guilt resurfaces itself from the pits of your stomach, the need to vomit almost excruciating, “but I didn’t,” she bitterly scoffs.

“And so when a friend of mine and her husband invited us to some underground new club in town that was getting all kinds of reviews from the drinks, to the dancers, and the triple threat of a star who could sing, dance, and act. I thought sure, why not? We had gone to many different clubs before where there’d be dancers who walked around with nothing but tiny little stickers across their nipples, and not once did I have to worry about his eyes straying too far,” she finally makes eye contact with you through the reflection of the mirror, “until he saw you that night.”

Getting up from your seat, her heels clack on the wooden floor as she makes her way towards you. Her calm demeanor reminding you of a snake ready to bite at any moment, “I don’t know how you two started off, or who initiated it first because God I honestly stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago,” she pauses, closing her eyes for a moment, trying to prevent herself from breaking down, “At first I thought you were going to be nothing but a phase, something temporary, something he was just doing out of compulsion, that it could’ve been anyone that he was going to commit adultery with.”

She stares at you, her eyes watery, a pool of emotions found in her eyes, “So then when I found myself having to go to that damn club every week, just to,” her voice finally cracks, the pristine glass cup that she was finally breaking, “Just to have to see him stare at you with those eyes every night to the point where he wouldn’t even tell me to come anymore, he’d be going out in the middle of the night just to see you in that damn club for God’s sake!” she cries, her face now red at her lash out.

You stare at her wide-eyed, frozen in place as she’s only inches away from you, an intense chill going down your spine.

“He’s,” she pauses, “He’s my husband,” her voice trembles in hysteria, “My husband,” she repeats, as if trying to reassure herself.

Finally, you manage to stutter something out, “I—I didn’t know at—”

“First?” she scoffs, “Is that the excuse you’re going to give me? What about the second time? Or the third? And the fourth and every other time afterward, huh? All those times you’d spot him in the crowd with me only being a couple of feet away from him, or did you just block me out of your mind so you could sleep at night? Is that it?” she yells. “You just couldn’t do it, huh? You just couldn’t stay away from him, like the dirty tramp you are,” she spat, looking at you with nothing but disgust, “Well say something goddammit! Instead of looking at me with that stupid look on your face!” her voice shakes.

“I never meant for it to go this far,” you whisper, lowering your head in shame, “You have to believe me.”

“I don’t have to believe anything from the likes of someone like you,” she snaps. The heavy feeling on your chest only weighs harder as you realized you needed to tell her the truth, the truth on what you really felt. Slowly you raise your gaze to meet hers, the lump in your throat fighting against the words that were about to come out of your mouth.

“I love hi—”

The sound of the crack of skin contacting skin echoes off the walls, a deafening silence immediately following afterward. As if time was frozen in its place. She slowly looks at her trembling hand which was now vibrating in a pain that etched from the center of her palm to the tip of her fingertips, it’s bright red appearance matching the new welt on your face. You stare at her wide eyed, hand now clutching cheek in pain, no possible words articulating in your head.  

The look on her face is one that’ll haunt you to your grave, it’s the look of someone you had first-hand in breaking. The tears that were currently gracefully falling from her eyes weren’t from a place of sorrow, but the buildup of anger and pain.

She should've felt some kind of remorse. But she didn't. Not one organ in her body could produce a gland of guilt for her actions because at the end of the day this was the least you deserved. She glances at the mark she’s left on your cheek, bitterly scoffing, not because it was big or anything but because it was in fact a cut. A small one where her wedding ring had caught you, a permanent scar that’ll remind you every morning when you look in the mirror of what you’d done. And she hoped, no, she wanted you to feel shame whenever you looked at it.

“You stay away from my husband,” she pleads demands, quickly grabbing her bag from your vanity, and rushing her way out, leaving you there to reflect on everything that just happened.

Jungkook sighs, flipping to the next document on his desk, a night full of work ahead of him. New clients needed to be accommodated, considering everyone wanted a piece of the pie that was the New York Stock Exchange.

Tonight it was raining, a downpour in fact, the prelude to an up and coming storm. The thunder already beginning to cry out from the sky above, the trees around his home writhing and flailing against his window.

Getting up from his desk, he closes up the window as well as shutting the blinds, turning on his shaded glass lamp which provided the dim lighting he always liked working in. The muffled sound of the rain comforting as well.

Catherine was out to God knows where, mumbling something about a girl’s night out before walking out, which of course he didn’t mind, but it was getting quite late. He shrugs off the concern, instead continuing with his work.

Ah she must be back already, he thinks to himself, hearing footsteps coming up the stairs. Suddenly he hears his office door open, “So you’re back already,” he says, not bothering to look up from his paperwork.

He’s met with silence.

Looking up, he’s taken back by the woman standing in front of him. Because there she was, hair and clothes drenched in water along with mascara running down her eyes. A haunting empty look in her eyes.

Quickly he gets up, eyebrows furrowing in worry, “Why are you—Where—What happened?” he finally manages to ask, but she remains silent, staring off at the bookcase behind his desk.

“Catherine you’re soaking! I thought you went to Amelia’s?” he chides, but again she remains silent, until slowly she moves her pupils to his direction.

The two stare at each other for what seems like forever, words not having to be spoken in order to know what exactly was happening. He turns to break the gaze, the feeling of shame that he had been pushing off for so long bubbling in his stomach.

A low staggered laugh comes out of her mouth, steadily becoming louder and louder, booming across the room until tears are now falling from the corners of her eyes, as she goes into a fit of hysteria until finally she begins to sob. “I thought I could live with it,” she whispers in between, “I thought things were going to end at some point between the two of you—”

“Catherine,” he starts, but she’s quick to cut him off.

“But it never did!” she laughs, making a small motion to her head, “and it was there like an itch at the back of my mind all the time,” she lets out a breath in disbelief, “and I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

“Catherine, it’s not what you think it is,” he sighs, causing her to only laugh.

“She loves you, you know that right?” she bitterly scoffs, recalling your words from earlier, “And God help me, because I think you might love her too,” she finally cries out, finally saying the thought she’d kept buried in her mind for so long out loud. The feeling of suffocation finally coming to an end.

“For a wife to have to witness the entirety of her husband falling for another woman,” her voice trembles, “to have to witness the exact moment that you fell in love with her,” she whispers, vigorously shaking her head in denial,“ I don’t even wish that upon my worst enemy,” she lets out a choked sob.

All he could do is stare at her, no words at the tip of his tongue, nothing he could say or do to comfort her. “So,” she grimaces, as if fighting to get the words out of her mouth, but she needed to ask. She needed to hear him say it.

“Do you love her?”

He remains silent. He can’t even bring himself to deny it, she thinks to herself. You could hear a pin drop fall at how silent the room was.

“I’m going to bed,” she whispers, the feeling of defeat draining her as she walks out of the room leaving Jungkook to stand there by himself, the thunderstorm outside finally coming to an end.

“Al doesn’t pay me enough for this,” you groan, scrubbing the wood floors with your bristled brush. Tonight it was your turn to close up the club, and though Namjoon usually offered to stay and help you, he had sadly caught a cold, and so instead tonight you were stuck with Al himself to clean up, which of course meant you’d be stuck doing everything. He was already out front doing God knows what, most likely smoking a cigar or something.

It had been weeks since your encounter with Catherine, as well as your last visit from Jungkook, which you could only assume had to do with said situation. Honestly the whole situation had been anxiety inducing, having gone directly home after the whole ordeal, not bothering to say goodbye to Namjoon or Mina as you left, still stuck in the state of shock that you were in.

Even the usual taxi driver who normally drove you home after work was worried at your silence throughout the whole trip. Usually you kept him updated on the different things going on in the club, especially since he was always interested in, in his words, “innovations you young people are making.”

“She was dame, in love with a guy,” you continue to scrub the floor, now humming the song from a movie you had watched a couple a days ago,  “She stuck with him but didn’t know why,”  

“Everyone blamed her, Still they all named her,” you hear a familiar voice playfully sing, “True Blue Louuuuu,” Jungkook stretches out the final word, now standing in front of you, a warm smile on his face. He was dressed in his usual suit attire, his parted hair with no hair out of place only symbolizing his calm attitude for things.

Quickly getting up, you pat down your skirt of any possible dirt, “How did you—” Before you could even finish asking, your mind immediately answers the question for you, “Al,” you let out a laugh, that man will truly let anyone into his club.

“It’s not like he doesn’t recognize me by now,” he chuckles, opening his arms for embrace, which hesitantly you accept. Jungkook, taken aback by your reluctance, cups your face like he usually does and attempts to give you a pop kiss, which you quickly maneuver your way out of thus confirming something was wrong. “Hey,” he whines, pouting his lower lip.

Gently you push him off, picking up the bucket of dirty water from the floor, silently ignoring his antics, “Y/N,” he grabs your hand as you turn away from him.

Knowing there was nothing in this situation you could do but face him, you sigh, “What?” you harshly say, your attitude causing the dirty bucket of water to slip from your hands, “Ugh,” you groan, a headache now rising, “Look what you made me do,” you hiss.

He lifts his hands in his defence, “Hey, I didn’t make you do anything kitten,” your heart skips a beat at the pet name, but you’re quick to shrug the feeling off, huffing as you went to go get the mop from behind the bar stand, Jungkook only following. “I know you’re mad,” he begins, only raising a bitter laugh out of you.

You inhale a breath of fresh air, trying to keep your composure, “Me? Mad? No!” you narrow your eyes at him.

Laughing at your sarcasm, he responds, “And I understand why—”

You cut him off, “How could you possibly understand? You’re not the one who got slapped across the face,” you frown, clenching your jaw, “I even got a left with a scar because of it,” you angrily point to the small cut under your right eye, where her ring had caught you, “and this is my good side!” you throw in.  

“You can’t even notice it—”

“That’s not the point!”  you glare at him, “The point it, is that I can’t keep doing this,” you exhale loudly, “It’s-it’s” you stutter, firmly pressing your lips together, “it’s wrong,” you finally admit to him. Catherine’s words echo in your head, the image of her sobbing in front of you still fresh in your mind, “and so I,” you hesitate to say the next words, but it was now or never, “I think you need to choose, me or her? Because we can’t keep doing this, and you can’t expect me to stay in this position.”  

“We’re getting a divorce.”

“For the rest of my life, because— wait what?” you bring your ramble to an immediate halt, unsure if you heard him correctly.

“We’re getting a divorce,” he firmly repeats, completely making eye contact you, not even a twitch of the brow to signal if he was lying or not, “it’s why I haven’t been coming for the past few weeks, been filing paperwork and all that other time consuming stuff,” the two of you stand there in silence, the words barely sinking in for you as you owlishly stare at the wall behind him, nothing but a blank expression on your face.  

This is what you wanted … you just hadn’t expected the answer to be dropped as a bombshell like this one. Was it wrong to feel … happy? Overjoyed? Excited? He’s choosing you, you tell yourself. He’s choosing you, you repeat to yourself. He’s choosing to try and have a future with you. “Earth to Y/N,” he waves his hand in front of you, bringing you back to reality.

You glance at the ring that’s haunted you since the day you met him, it’s emptiness being nothing but a marvelous sight, the corners of your lips slowly twitching upward. Jumping into his arms, you scatter his face with kisses, the sudden burst of energy you felt was a high you were sure you’d never feel again in your life.

“There’s my girl,” he mumbles into your ear, both his arms grabbing you to keep you steady. A part of you wants to ask him what happened, the itch to know more details almost excruciating, but instead you choose to enjoy the moment, deciding you’d ask him some other day. With this news, you’d have an eternal amount with him.

Gently, he places you down from his hold, “And I have news that’ll have you near passing out,” you quirk your brows, there was more? “So I think you might need to hold on to the bar or something,” he grins, the feeling of anticipation now creeping under your skin.

“Well get on with it,” you rush him, doubting that the grin on your face could become even bigger.

“The firm I work under throws these annual um…” he looks up, trying to find the right word for the event, “balls,” he smugly grins, “and well a lot of Broadway producers attend, who certainly have connections with people in Hollywoodland, and well let’s just say I pulled some strings and,” he dramatically pauses, building suspension, “you’ll be performing a set for them in a week from now, as my date of course.”

Your mouth hangs loose at his words, “No,” you say in complete bewilderment, feeling as if your head was in the clouds, but your feet were on the ground all at the same time, “What am I going to where? Sing? Oh my—” you ramble, “Jungkook I,” you stop yourself from continuing, instead pulling him another hug, the warmth you felt being in his arms being truly indescribable. Things were looking up, and you were definitely excited for what was to come for the two of you.

“So is it a yes?”

“Of course—”

“Not!” Amelia, Catherine’s long time friend and Jimin’s wife of two years, sneers, her teeth grinding at the mention of you, “This is not your fault Catherine! So don’t you dare say that,” she frowns, the two were currently strolling through her garden, Catherine finally admitting everything to her friend.

“I know it's not,” her heels clack against the cemented paveway, her hands softly grazing against the roses next to her, “but I keep asking myself,” she scoffs, “could this have been avoided?” Amelia’s who was already about to say something is stopped by Catherine, who raises her finger to signal that she could explain, “I mean I could’ve saved myself the trouble, leave the first sign there was of not even the affair, but the first sign of him just not loving me,” she chuckles, “I don’t know, I just keep trying to find answers to all my questions when really they’re all right there in front of me … I just refuse to face them,” she tugs at the rose petal she’d been grazing her fingers on for the last minute, watching it as it fell to the ground.

Amelia scowls at Catherine’s words, “Maybe if that whore of a woman learned how to respect marriages,” she snarls, unable to comprehend how Catherine could possibly be making excuses for you and Jungkook, “then this whole ordeal wouldn’t be happening. She’s going to get what’s coming to her one day.”

Loudly, Catherine exhales a breath of air, exhausted of going in circles with this conversation, honestly she didn’t expect any good advice from Amelia, she just needed an outlet to keep herself sane, “I expected to hate him,” Catherine shakes her head in dismay, “ No, I wanted to hate him, something to masquerade my hurt,” the nights of wishful thinking and crying in bed begin to cloud her mind, “It was like I was desperately waiting for the feeling to consume me, hoping the feeling would wash over me all at once,” she blankly stares at the roses in front of her, “the same way the ocean washes over a seashore at night, you know? But instead I was forced to slowly experience every raw feeling that stemmed from this situation.”

Coming to a halt, Catherine pulls out a cigar from her purse, signalling to Amelia that she needed a lighter, only causing her friend’s face to scrunch in confusion. Catherine rolls her eyes, “Why are you acting like you don’t smoke, Jimin isn’t even here,” she callously says, “Come on, I’m waiting,” she murmurs, the cigar in between her lips.  

Begrudgingly she pulls out her lighter, bringing the flame to the tip of the cigar, an exhale of smoke immediately following after, “There’s rumours these things are addicting,” Amelia mumbles, watching as Catherine inhales another puff.

“There’s also speculation in the New York Times that they can kill you, but you don’t see me believing everything I read now do you,” Catherine laughs, the two continuing their stroll, different things on both of their minds.

“Cross, loop, under the bridge. over the loop, and,” Jungkook hums the tune once made to remind himself how to tie his necktie, “secure,” he breathes out, running a hand through his hair as he didn’t exactly picture himself getting ready in his firm’s office building. But today had been a long day and he didn’t have the time to go back home and change, especially since he still had to go pick you up, and well anyone who knew you, knew that getting ready on time was not your forte.

Instead he decided that his black suit, and a color change of tie would suffice. It wasn’t like the two of you were going to be there for too long, your performance was at the near beginning, the opening act per say.

He was excited to see what you’d pick out to wear, your outfits never failing to put a smile on his face, not because most of the time they were over the top and extravagant, but simply because it was you. Had it been anyone else wearing the things you dressed in, and he was sure he would’ve never bothered to spare even a glance. Honestly you could walk out with nothing but your nightgown and he would still do nothing but worship the ground you walk on.

“Tonight is going to be a good night,” he whispers, glancing at his now empty ring finger. It was going to be the start to something n—

A soft knock on the door interrupts, “Didn’t think I’d find you here,” a voice says.

Jungkook steps away from his mirror, surprised to find Jimin here at such a late hour, “Oh I didn’t realize you were still in the building,” he chuckles, “Thought I was the only one who did overtime tonight,” he glances at his wrist watch, time was on the essence, “Well I’ll see you at the event tonight, Amelia’s going with you, right?” Jungkook grabs his suit jacket from his chair, ready to make his way downstairs to the parking lot.

“Yeah, in fact I think Catherine is at the house helping her get ready,” Jungkook awkwardly tenses at the mention of his wife, the air in the room becoming stiff.

“Oh well that’s nice,” Jungkook gives him a small smile, making his way to walk out the door, “Like I said I’ll see you over there, I should really get going, my date is probably already waiting for me—”

“Y/N right?” Jimin casually asks. Jungkook stops in his tracks, mentally sighing to himself.

“Yeah you guessed it,” he gives Jimin an awkward superficial smile, his body slightly rocking back and forth in annoyance. Something about this interaction felt … uneasy.

“Actually I wanted to talk to you about that…”

Jungkook cocks his head in confusion, “Talk about what,” putting no effort to hide his annoyance. Jimin remains silent, as if contemplating his next choice of words, “Jimin I don’t have all day,” he sighs. Whatever this was was better be good, he thinks to himself.

“I,” Jimin pulls out a folded piece of paper from his pocket, “I need to show you something.”

Fixing your bright red lipstick, you hear the footsteps of someone entering the room, “I’m almost ready Jungkook, I just need to make sure these pins stay in place and I should be good to go,” you ramble, “Oh I’m so excited Jungkook! I couldn’t sleep all night yesterday, just thinking about performing was making me anxious, and well I just want to say thank you, you know? I know I wouldn’t be people’s first choice when it comes to performing at such a prestigious event, especially considering what a lot of people think of people who work in jobs like mine, but,” you fumble with your words, “but, it’s just so,” you clap your hands together, “oh I just can’t explain it! And to be your date,” your eyes sparkle. Tonight was going to be the night. Tonight you were going to tell him.

“To finally be given an opportunity it’s just—I don’t think I can thank you enough,” you finally breathe out, the feeling of excitement completely radiating off of you as you place your earrings on.

You wait for Jungkook to reply, to shower you with kisses like he always does when he sees you, but instead you’re met with complete silence, his figure from the reflection of the mirror completely frozen. Quickly you turn around, nose now wrinkled in confusion, “Jungkook?” you uneasily ask, the young man you were so enamored with only staring at you with a hardened gaze, his expression unreadable.

“Jungkook, what’s wrong?” you ask again, your voice laced with concern, “Did something happen? Do I need to change my setlist? Cause I can easily do that, I mean a perf—”

“You’re not performing tonight,” he harshly interrupts, your face falling as you hear the annoyance drip from every word.

“Oh,” your skin pales, your voice failing to hide its disappointment, “Can I ask why?”

“Because I told the committee you’re not, I managed to find a replacement last minute,” your face crinkles in shock.

“Wait what?” What the hell was going on? Why would Jungkook do that? Did you do something? Your heart begins to thud against your chest, the tingling feeling in the soles of your feet quickly spreading all over your body, “Why—Why would … why would you do something like that?” your eyebrows furrow, the feeling of anger now rising from the pits of your stomach.

Jungkook chuckles before pulling out a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket, “You really had me fooled Y/N,” he purses his lips, trying his best to contain his anger, “I cannot believe I let things get this far with you,” his voice shakes, every word seething with anger.

“What the hell are you talking about?” you cry out, genuinely lost. Uncrumpling the piece of paper, he turns it towards your direction, “Am I supposed to know what that is?” you snap, your face becoming red at his vague comments.

“You know you could really stop with that whole stupid act of yours,” he spits, “Honestly I should’ve known better than to trust someone like you,” he lets out a dry laugh.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” you clench your fist.

“Well here take a look at it for yourself,” harshly, you snatch the letter from his hands, your eyes quickly skim through the contents of it. 

“You think I wrote this?” your eyes widen in shock, now getting up from your seat and handing the letter back to him.  

“I know you did,” he laughs, flailing his arms in the process, “Really Y/N? Jimin? Of all people? Did you really think it wouldn’t come back to me?” he almost sounds disgusted.

“But I didn’t! This isn’t even my handwriting!” tears of both frustration and anger begin to well in your eyes, “You have to believe me!” your voice booms across the room.

“I don’t have to believe shit!” he finally yells, the veins from his neck now popping out, “Your signature and name are written in these Y/N! You know how embarrassing this is?” he presses, “All because you can’t keep your fucking legs closed!” your mouth gapes in shock,  “And God I can only imagine the amount of men you’ve probably tried seducing, I’m just the idiot who fell for it all,” he laughs, “And you know I kept trying to tell myself that you wouldn’t do something like this, that you wouldn’t try seducing a married man,” his words drip with sarcasm, “But you have!”

Rapidly you try to blink your tears away, refusing to let him see you cry, “You don’t mean that,” you whisper, shaking your head at his words.

“But I do!” he bites back, “But you know what it's fine,” he knew the next words that were going to come out of his mouth were going to be a low blow. And in the back of his mind he knew he didn’t mean them, but he was angry, no, he was furious. He didn’t care what he had to say, he wanted you to feel just as hurt as he was, “it’s fine because I’ll be able to sleep at night knowing you’ll be stuck here for the rest of your life doing God knows what like the who—”

“Can you stop,” you try to scream, but instead your voice comes out hoarse, your lower lip trembling in sadness, “please,” you whisper, no longer being able to take any of this, “I didn’t write those letters,” you repeat, desperate for him to listen to you, “I know you have reason to believe Jimin, he’s your long time friend, I understand that, and I know my job doesn’t exactly have the best reputation,” you ramble with your words, heaving in between, “But I wouldn’t do this to you!”

“And why should I believe you?”

“Because I,” your voice shakes, “Because I’m in love with you,” you cry out, “Don’t you get it? In love,” you emphasize, moving your hands in frustration, “You think I would’ve kept this going for so long if I didn’t feel something for you?” He remains silent, “I fell in love with you, okay? You!” you scream , “The way you kiss me, the way you touch me,, the way you laugh at every corny joke I make, the way you reassure me about myself whenever I feel insecure, the way your eyes light up whenever you talk about something that fascinates you whether it be boring old stocks to future industrial revolutions,” you let out a choked sob, “or the way you have this compulsion to squeeze my cheeks every time you tease me, and I could go on and on.”

“You’re my person,” you whimper, the final plea in this tragic story.

He turns his gaze to the floor, refusing to look at you, “I was never yours to begin with,” he mutters, walking out of the room and slamming the door behind, leaving you to ask yourself, What. Just. Happened?

Leaning against the door frame, Catherine exhales whatever’s left of her cigar, butting the stub on the wall. “You know, I really don’t mind moving to my parent’s country townhouse,” she casually says, calmly watching her soon to be ex-husband pack his office belongings.

It had been two weeks since your argument with Jungkook, and though he couldn’t confidently say that you hadn’t been on his mind everyday since, he was sure he would be just fine. Of course, he had been sad the first couple of days, then the sadness had become anger once again, until finally he was where he was currently at. Numbness.

Distracting himself with loads of paperwork, working overtime, and being in the midst of a divorce was doing wonders. Hell, he wouldn’t be surprised if now at the age of twenty-two, greys hairs started to appear because of the overwhelming stress he had to deal with.

Bringing himself back to reality, he’s quick to reject Catherine’s idea, “No, it’s fine, you picked out this place to begin with,” he chuckles, “Hell, I still remember how excited you were about decorating and the effort you put into all of this,” he gives her a small apologetic smile, “it’s only right that you stay. Honestly, I don’t see why you wouldn’t, you did an amazing job with this place.”

“Still, you paid for this place, it’s under your name,” she responds, “This place is just too much of a—” she hesitates.

“Reminder,” Jungkook completes, now having stopped his packing. The two stand there in what couldn’t be described as an awkward silence, but one of understanding.

“A reminder of what we illusioned ourselves in,” she looks down at her ring finger, smiling at its empty sight, “it’s funny,” she laughs, “even before you started the affair, I used to look down at my ring, and for some reason I never did feel,” she pauses, “what’s the word,” she takes a couple of seconds to regain herself, “I never truly felt… happy,” she states, surprised at how such a simple word could mean so much, “but now I look at the sight of it being gone, and I feel relieved, in fact, I feel... free,” she reiterates, her eyes now watery.

“We were young and pressured, I didn’t even have a sense of my own identity yet, and I mean not that it’s any excuse for what you did,” she emphasizes, “but I’m sure you didn’t have one either, I guess we were just too busy trying to please our respective families,” she scoffs, a smile now on her face, “I still even get your birthday confused sometimes,” she jokes around, causing Jungkook to flash his toothy grin at her, “Never did I bother to learn the small details about you,” she inhales and exhales a deep breath, “but she did,” she says, breaking eye contact with Jungkook, not because she was mad or sad, but because she’d come to realize something.

“I was in love with the idea of you, the things you would buy me, the compliments I would get from everyone around me, the idea of being able to flaunt a perfect life, but I think, no, I know I was never in love with you,” she looks at Jungkook once again, tears now freely flowing from his eyes, a chapter in their life now coming to its end.

“I don’t hate you for what you did Jungkook,” she blinks her own tears away, personally tired of all the crying she’s done, “nor do I hate Y/N,” she says, for the first time saying your name, the name smoothly rolling off the tip of her tongue, no ill feeling behind it, “I just wish things could’ve been different, in terms of us realizing that we were just never meant to be,” she finishes off, the final wave finally washing over her. The feeling of acceptance.

Catherine slowly walks towards him, embracing the crying man into a hug, giving him a small heartfelt kiss to the cheek, “I really am sorry Catherine,” he whispers, the words being nothing but genuine.

“I know,” she whispers in return. Gently, she breaks from the hug, wiping the tears that brimmed her eyes, “Come on, you gotta finish your packing,” she says, rolling the sleeves of her robe, and making her way to his desk.

“It’s fine really,” he starts, but she’s quick to ignore him and begin her rummaging of his things. So instead of fighting against her help, he goes back to continuing with what he was doing, the two quietly organizing things, finally at peace.

“I think that’s the last of it,” Jungkook huffs, taping the final cardboard box of paperwork. The two step back and look at the empty room, feeling proud of their hard work, “Well I’m gonna go take this down,” Catherine nods in response, Jungkook now leaving the room.

Her eyes scan the room one last time, making sure nothing was getting left behind, until surprisingly, she does in fact catch something from the corner of her eye. The edge of a piece of paper below the wooden bookshelf sticking out, “That’s weird,” she mumbles to herself, surprised at how she failed to notice it earlier.

Crouching down, she picks up the torn piece of paper, her eyebrows now furrowing at its incompleteness, with only half of the whole sheet being there. She turns the direction of the paper to where there’s writing, her eyes widening at what she sees, “Oh no,” she whispers to herself, trying to think quick on her feet, “The trashcan,” she says to herself, quickly grabbing it and tossing the remnants onto the floor, her breathing now uneasy as she sat on the floor, beginning to uncrumple the pieces of torn paper, silently hoping what she was thinking was all some twisted joke.

With her burst of adrenaline she somehow reassembles the ripped letter, her stomach dropping at the sight of the complete version, completely ignoring the footsteps that were making their way up.

To Jimin,

I’ve had my eye on you for a while now, you should come backstage sometime for your own personal show, just like your friend. I’m sure he won’t mind. Honestly, I’ve been getting a little bored of him these days. And don’t worry, I don’t mind seeing that ring on your finger. You know where to find me…

XO, Y/N.

“Mr. Olsen seems to have gotten a new ca—” Jungkook stops dead in his tracks, immediately tensing at the sight in front of him, “Catherine what are—” Jungkook doesn’t continue with what he’s about to say, the sight of Catherine’s shocked face now confusing him more than ever.

“Oh Amelia, what did you do,” she quietly breathes out, her face now frozen in place, and her hand covering her mouth.  

“What?” Jungkook’s eyebrows furrow, “Amelia? What does Amelia have to do with—” his face immediately falls, his heart sinking at his realization.

“This,” Catherine stutters, “This is her handwriting,” she says, now looking up at Jungkook, whose face was in just as much as shock as hers, “I swear Jungkook, I didn’t know she’d do something like this,” Catherine rubs her temple, “Last time I saw her, she was bad mouthing Y/N but I didn’t she’d—” she shakes her head in dismay, “Jungkook, if I would’ve known I promise you I would’ve stopped her,” Catherine’s words sound like nothing but echoes in Jungkook’s head, his mind currently racing through a countless number of thoughts. His words from the last time he saw you now echoing in his head, the look on your face etching into his mind, oh how you kept denying the letter. The sudden pang of guilt, much too overwhelming.

“I know Catherine,” he whispers, but  all he could do was stare at the letter on the floor. And as if time was frozen, he slowly glances at the mantel clock, his heart now pounding.

8:15 PM.

You should be performing in a bit, he thinks. Immediately he switches gears, hurriedly grabbing the coat on his desk and placing it on, “I,” he stutters, a frenzy look on his face, “I have to go,” he says, quickly running out the door. The only thing he could do was hope he’d catch you on time.

“Oh look who's back, it seems I haven’t seen you in a while,” the sultry hostess purrs, “oh and that ring of yours is gone, trouble in paradise?” she pouts, guiding him to one of the tables. Politely he makes a motion to her, as if to say that he was fine, “Mm well if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, you know where to find me hun,” she winks, making her way back to the greeting area.

Jungkook, feeling as if he couldn’t breathe, adjusts his tie. His leg now bouncing rapidly in complete anxiousness, feeling the stares of a certain someone. He turns to face whoever it is, finding both the bartender and his girlfriend, whose names he was unsure of, staring at him from the bar.

The woman slyly mixes her drink with her stirrer, eyes narrowing at the sight of him, refusing to look away. The man then whispers something to her, making her finally break away from the intense stare.

Jungkook turns back around, the heavy feeling in his chest making it hard to focus on the current performer, not that he really wanted to, but he needed a distraction, something to prevent him from drowning in his own thoughts.  

The claps mellow down as the curtains close, the famous club owner, Al, making his way to the front of the stage, mic now in hand. Jungkook felt as if his stomach was doing flips, both excited and nervous to see you, as he knew you’d probably be quick to spot him, only hoping he wouldn’t scare you off.

“She’s got a voice sent from the heavens above, almost as smooth as a Friday’s glass of whiskey,” Al starts off your usual introduction, Jungkook’s heart pounding with every word spoken, “she can sing, she can dance, she can act, she’s a triple threat of course! And to add to it all, she’s got the face of the doll,” the red curtain slowly begins to open, “she’s our newest star in the making, give a warm welcome for Miss Sally Rose!”

A young woman appears from behind the curtain, counting off the same way you always did, making the same exact motion you always do to the band. Jungkook could feel himself become sick as he heard the men begin to holler at her with every piece of clothing that began to drop, as long as they had something to satisfy their lust, it didn’t matter who was on that stage, as they were nothing but animals.

Where the hell were you? This was, no, this is your time slot. Maybe you’re out sick, he tells himself, no, you loved the stage more than anything. The same woman from earlier passes by with drinks in her hands, on her way to serve God knows who. He’s quick to flag her down, hoping she knew where you were, “What can I do for you handsome?” she winks.

“You don’t happen to know where Y/N is?” he politely asks.

The question causes her to scoff, “Oh darling, me and the girls have been wondering the same thing,” she chuckles, before walking away with her drinks, leaving Jungkook much more puzzled than before. Maybe you were late, he excuses, trying not to panic.

But as every performer begins and ends, the more restless he becomes, every drink he takes only causing the echoes from every holler to become more and more irritating, the world around him now spinning.

An hour later, the young woman comes out again, performing the final song of the night, just like you always would do. Truthfully speaking, he would’ve paid no mind to the performance, but something catches Jungkook’s eye. The woman seems to have her gaze fixed on a young man in the crowd, his wife chattering with the other woman sitting next to her. The same way Catherine would—he shakes his head in dismissal, blaming what he was seeing on his drunk state.

He’s quick to get up, deciding that it was best to momentarily take a step outside and catch a breather. You had to be backstage or something, he tells himself, deciding that he’d wait until everyone was gone to see you, just like he always did.

“Things will be just fine,” he whispers, mouth trembling from the cold weather.

Sighing, Jungkook takes one last look at his empty ring finger before making his way back inside, his nerves at an all time high. He knew you were avoiding him, and he knew he was probably the last person you wanted to see, but he needed to tell you that he was sorry. That what he said was something spoken out of anger, that he was hurt, and most importantly that he should’ve believed you.

Walking in, he sees the bartender flipping chairs on top of the table, presumably cleaning up for the night. Most nights, Jungkook would simply go straight backstage, as you had told him early on in the affair that there was no need for him to introduce himself to your co-workers, but tonight, well tonight he felt like an intruder.

He stands there momentarily, the stiffness in the room almost suffocating.

“She’s gone,” the young man bitterly scoffs, not bothering to spare a glance at Jungkook, “I thought you knew that already,” he mumbles to himself, as he continued to flip the wooden chairs and place them atop of the tables, finishing what was left of cleaning.

Jungkook stares at him for a moment, the words slowly processing in his head. What did he mean by you were “gone”? You wouldn’t leave, it was unlike you. Actually, no, you couldn’t leave, where did you have to go?

He shakes his head in dismissal, shooting the brown haired man a quizzical look, “What did you say again?'" he asks. Namjoon finally looks up from what he’s doing.

Jungkook expected a spiteful glare from Namjoon, one full of hatred for what he had done to his friend, but instead his eyes were hard-rimmed and fixed, immobile as the rest of his face. Almost as if he was studying Jungkook. The cold blank look on his face sends shivers down Jungkook’s spine, but he relents on breaking the cold stare, until finally Namjoon lets out a dry laugh.

“I knew you were a hard-headed person,” he nods his head in dismay, a superficial grin on his face, “you’re also a selfish one, so I should’ve known better,” he laughs again, in awe of how someone could be so … inconsiderate? Was that the word to describe Jungkook? Namjoon thought to himself, why were you so in love with this man, simply finding it hard to believe that you could fall for a man so self-centered.

“Haven’t you noticed by now that she’s been replaced?” Namjoon mocks, “or let me guess you thought you could waltz in here like a knight in shining armor, that she was on some kind of break or something and would forget the things you said, and then things would magically go back to normal,” Jungkook remains silent, “Well?” Namjoon deadpans.

“Y/N wouldn’t just leave like that,” Jungkook says, “it’s not like her,” Namjoon was lying, he had to be.

Namjoon shrugs, “Well guess what she’s gone, I could only wish I knew where. She just grabbed her things and left without a trace, no goodbye, no nothing, but go ahead, look for yourself,” Namjoon makes a motion towards your old dressing room.

Slowly Jungkook breaks eye contact, unsure of what to believe. Quietly he makes his way to the dressing room he’d been in a countless number of times in the past year, still in denial of what Namjoon just told him.

He lets out a deep breath before turning the door knob, a churning feeling in his stomach as he recalled the last time he was here, his words ringing in his head.

Immediately Jungkook feels his heart plummet as he sees the empty room, your vanity which was once full of makeup and bottled perfumes was now vacant of anything and the hangers which were once used for your extravagant outfits as well as your fluffy coats now hung unused.

Jungkook crouches to pick up the only thing that remained of you in the room, the golden glass-framed picture you had of yourself performing now shattered on the floor, a small snapshot of the star you were. He smiles in reminiscence, remembering the night the photo was taken, and how you kept rambling on about why Jungkook would spend so much to have the photo of someone like yourself taken, let alone a photo of your worst angle. But you had kept it nonetheless, hell you even hung it on the wall for safekeeping, only for it to be shattered by the same person who gifted it.

“You didn’t!” you gasp, picking up the framed photo which had been placed on your vanity desk, “When did you even take—how—” Jungkook quickly shuts you up by cupping your face, and giving you a kiss, immediately squishing your cheeks in the playful manner that he always did.

“Don’t worry about it,” he says, “I thought since you didn’t want to accept my gift last time, a sincere one like this would be something you just couldn’t deny.”

“Those pearls were too much,” you shake your head in disapproval, “and you know why I couldn’t accept it,” the image of Catherine pops in your head as he remains silent, but you’re quick to shrug it off, “but this,” you say, waving the picture he had seen a plenty of times before tonight to his face, “this is special,” you grin.

“I knew you’d love it,” he smiles, giving you another peck on the lips.

“Honestly, you shouldn't have,” you laugh, still in disbelief of the photo of yourself. Hell, to have a portrait of yourself taken behind a plain old wall was already something expensive here in New York, and so to have a photo taken of yourself while performing was truly indescribable. “Too bad they got my worst angle,” you complain, causing him to roll his eyes. Grabbing the framed photo from your hands, he places it over the empty nail on the wall.

“Won’t you look at that,” he smiles, his arm wrapped around your shoulder, the two of you now silently admiring the hung photo.

“Jungkook?” you break the prolonged silence.  

He hums in response, turning his head to face you, your heart feeling as swelled as the ocean once near its moon.

“I—” you pause, just get the words out, you think to yourself. Maybe things would finally change. He stares at you in the same doe-eyed expression he always did whenever he was attentively listening to you, curious as to what you were thinking, “I just wanted to say thank you… for the photo,” you awkwardly smile, Jungkook slightly raising his eyebrow at your sudden behavior, but he doesn’t dwell on it too much, instead placing a soft kiss on your forehead.

The memory being one for a lifetime. 

Jungkook dusts off the glass fragments, carefully trying not to cut himself as his fingers graze over the flimsy developed photo. And as he studies the photo, the realization finally hits him, you were really gone.

“I’ll be fine,” he whispers to himself in a distant, quiet, lifeless voice, “I’ll be just fine,” he grazes the photo again, slowly crouching into his knees, photo still in hand, until finally the sounds of silent muffled sobs is the only thing that can be heard from your dressing room.

Namjoon quietly sweeps the floor, humming some Duke Ellington, trying his best to ignore the thoughts that lingered in the back of his mind. Jungkook had left hours ago, Namjoon having heard the silent cries from your dressing room, and for a slight second even making eye contact with the red puffy-eyed man as he left, who had been mumbling inaudible things to himself.  

He didn’t think he’d cry, was what Namjoon had first thought to himself after hearing Jungkook silently sob in your empty dressing room. He honestly expected Jungkook to do anything but cry, hell Namjoon had even told himself to be ready to throw some punches just in case he tried anything stupid.

And so to see Jeon Jungkook, the man who had been coming to this bar for the past year, never failing to order a classic gin and tonic, and always seeming like he was on top of the world, break down in a tiny isolated room, was almost something unimaginable. And for some reason it bothered Namjoon. It wasn’t that Jungkook wasn’t allowed to cry...

Namjoon momentarily stops what he’s doing, sighing in frustration.

It bothered him because it went against everything he thought of Jungkook, the image he had created for Jungkook in his head. It would mean that Jungkook was someone who never meant to be so selfish, but was someone who was emotionally blind to those around him.

And isn’t the unknown always a bit scary?

The only problem was that being blind was something involuntary, and with the countless stories you’d tell Namjoon from time to time, sometimes it seemed like Jungkook was voluntarily choosing to ignore the feelings of those around him.

Namjoon could only speculate why, but maybe, just maybe Jungkook was the kind of person who had long ago put his personal feelings aside to please those around him, including his wife, thinking that it’d be what was best.That he could live a numbing life as long as it meant those around him were satisfied, that it was enough to feel fulfilled with, until you came into the mix.

And once you did, the conflict of choosing what made him happy versus what made others happy while trying to spare both sides’ feelings and opinions, only did more harm than good, stupidly choosing to blindly believe of a false letter. 

And now Jungkook was left with no one but himself.

Was it deserved? Namjoon was unsure now. Y/N. Y/N. Y/N, Namjoon thinks to himself.

The only reason he would excuse your actions was because to those around you, seeing you happy was like the sun shining after a storm, a shine so bright you’d think those happy days would last forever, but to see you sad, it was as if the world would storm on end.

But what Namjoon should’ve realized was that at the end of the day, what you and Jungkook had done was wrong, and there was no denying it.

Hell, it even went against Namjoon’s personal beliefs. Of course it didn’t mean that he was no better of a person because the same way you two had to face the karma of your actions, he and Mina would have to reprimand themselves one day as well for excusing your actions. For allowing things to have gotten this far.

“Jungkook really did love you,” he whispers to himself, shaking his head at the conclusion of this awful tale.

Namjoon sighs.

All he could do was hope that he had done the right thing lying to Jungkook about your whereabouts, and that the next time Namjoon saw you, you’d be the successful woman you were always meant to be, and that this period in your life would be nothing more than a small chapter to look back at.

“Ticket ma’am,” the conductor approaches you. Pulling out your ticket from your purse, you allow the conductor to both inspect and punch the ticket with his rustic clipper, “Now what is a pretty New York doll like you going all the way to the city of Los Angeles for?” he chimes, “You sure you ain’t lost little lady?” he jokes, causing you to laugh.

“I sure ain’t, I’m going to Los Angeles to follow my dreams in becoming famous! You might even catch me on the big screen soon!” you gush, causing him to let out a chuckle.

“Well little lady, I’ve heard that one before and I’ve told every single person I’ve come across that it’s almost impossible,” he mentions, “And I have yet to be proven wrong,”

“Well Mr,” you glance at his name tag, “Rosco, you better remember my name and face because I’m going to make it big in Hollywoodland, I don’t care if it’s as a singer or as an actress, but just you wait!” you declare, a toothy grin plastered on your face.

“Well little miss,” he glances at the ticket which has your name printed in a red colored font, “y/n, I’ve gotta say, I don’t think I’ve met anyone with the same amount of enthusiasm you got going for yourself,” a genuine smile comes across his face as he returns you your ticket, “I wish you nothing but the best on your endeavors,” he compliments, before making his way to the seated passenger in front of you.

Looking out the train’s window, the fields of grass along with the bright blue sky that were being passed by faster than a speeding bullet, for some reason make you feel a longing for home, it was probably because everything was barely hitting you. From the moment he had said what he did in your argument, everything onward had been nothing but a sporadic adrenaline-rushed blur.

“Jungkook?” you ask to an empty room, the shakiness of your voice coming to realize the reality of what has just occurred. The sinking feeling in your chest was what could only be described as heartbreak, though it felt like so much more.

He’s coming back, he’s going to come back. He has to come back, you keep repeating to yourself. Jungkook loves you. He didn’t mean what he said. He couldn’t.

You stare at the photo you had hung on the wall, which was now cracked on the floor, a result at just how harsh the door had been slammed. You could feel the lump in your throat beginning to take its form, but you refuse to let it out. He’s coming back, he has to.

The sound of the door knob twisting quickly grabs your attention, a feeling of relief washing over you. You knew he’d come back. You were his girl, you were the love of his life.

But just as quick as the relief had come, it had left even faster once you saw that the person you thought walking through that door was in fact not Jungkook, but Namjoon who stood there in silence, trying to hide the look of pity on his face. “Y/N…” he whispers in sadness.

“N-No,” your lips wobble, “No,” you begin to vigorously shake your head in denial, “No!” you quaver out, desperately trying to blink back the floodgate of tears that was begging to be released. Namjoon could feel his gut clench at the hopelessness of the situation, knowing that there was nothing he could possibly do because Jungkook was gone, and he was not coming back.

He watches as the tears slowly begin to freely fall, the silent sobs finally escaping from your mouth. Your chest heaves, until finally a cry so raw comes out of your mouth that you grab onto your vanity chair so that your shaking would not cause you to fall.

Quickly, he makes his way to envelope you in a tight hug, humming small comforting words to your ear despite knowing that you probably weren’t listening. You sob into his chest unceasingly, your hand clutching onto Namjoon’s jacket as he held you in silence, rocking you slowly as your tears soaked his chest, blinking back his own tears. The two of you stand there for what seems like forever, the sound of your muffled sobs filling the air.

The wet mascara that was mixing itself with your tears stinging your eyes, almost as if it was trying to force you to stop crying, but you just couldn’t. With every sob that forced its way out, your chest would rise and fall unevenly as you gasped for breath.

How could he do this? Why? Things weren’t supposed to end like this. Not at all. “Shh, shh,” Namjoon hums, “you’re gonna be okay, you hear me?” he reassures. You wanted to scream, to say something, anything, but nothing could come out. If anything you could feel your lungs scream for oxygen, your airway becoming compressed with every hysterical sob that was let out.

Quickly pushing off Namjoon, you feel as if the world is spinning and that the walls of your dressing room were closing in. You begin to gasp over and over, hysterically tapping on your stomach, “Get this,” you heave out, “Get this off of me!” you breathe out, lifting your dress up, and desperately trying to unknot the corset you were wearing underneath.

Namjoon quickly grabs some scissors from your vanity, cutting the piece of ribbon which held together the piece of fabric that clinched your waist. Immediately, you could feel the air return to your lungs, a feeling of relaxation now washing over you, as the riptide finally mellowed down.

You stand in front of the mirror, staring at the reflection across from you, your tears silently falling from your cheeks. Namjoon makes his way behind you, tucking your loose strands of hair behind your ear, “Hey, listen to me,” he whispers, “you are going to be just fine,” he firmly states.

“Joon?”

“Hm,” he responds.

“Can you,” your voice cracks, “Can you just take me home?” Your question is met with silence because instead he grabs a big oversized coat from your rack and places it over your shoulders.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” he says, watching you as you made your way out of the dressing room, for what he knew would be your last time.

Waking up to the feeling of a hand firmly shaking your shoulder, your heavy eyelids struggling to flutter open, the soreness from crying taking its toll. You must’ve fallen asleep during the car ride home, you reason, finally managing to open your eyes completely. You rub your eyes, confused as to where you were because this was definitely not the outside of your apartment building.

In fact, you were outside of Grand Central Terminal, “What the..” you turned to face Namjoon, who had a sad smile on his face, “Joon? What’s,” you falter your words, “What’s going on?” you ask, confusion now overwhelming you.

He lets out a deep sigh of sadness before continuing, “You’re going to California Y/N,” if you had been half-awake before, you certainly weren’t now, quickly jolting forward in shock, “Los Angeles or may I say Hollywoodland to be more specific,” he reiterates, a tiny chuckle coming out of his mouth.

“J-Joon,” you stutter, “you’re crazy!” you sputter, “Absolutely crazy!” you hit his shoulder causing him to let out a yelp in pain.

“Y/N I’m being serious!” he turns and points to the passenger seat of his car, “I even managed to pack most of your things while you were asleep, all the essentials are in those two luggage bags.”

“How did you even—” you shake your head, trying to stay on topic, “Joon I can’t just pack up my things and go, I have—” you hesitate with your next choice of words, what exactly did you have in New York that was holding you back?

Namjoon answers the question before you could, “Nothing. You have absolutely nothing here to hold you back, so why not go chase your dream huh?” he exclaims, “It’s what you’ve always wanted to do Y/N and I’m one hundred percent sure Hollywoodland is looking for a doll face like yours to go shake up the scene,” he laughs, “You can dance, you can sing, and you sure can act, especially those days you wouldn’t want to come into work,” he jokingly mumbles garnering him another slap to the shoulder, “Hey, hey, relax! Point is Y/N, you’re one of the most talented people I know, if not the most talented person I’ve ever met, and it’d be a waste of talent for you not to go out there and show people what you’re made of, Hell I even hear they’re beginning to develop sound films over there, and a voice like yours needs to be memorialized for future generations,” he says, as tears to begin to brim your waterlids.  

“But Joon—” you sniffle, “I don't, I don’t have the money to live out there, hell I barely have enough money in my purse to purchase myself a ticket,” you scoff because it was the truth.

“I know you don’t,” he deadpans, causing you to laugh.

“Then?” you chuckle. Slowly, he flips his coat and reaches into its inner pocket, pulling out and handing you what seemed to be a heavy envelope. You peep inside the sealed white envelope, it’s content causing you to let out a small yelp in surprise. There had to be at least 200 dollars in there! You quickly shake your head in disapprovement.

“Joon, no, no, no! You can't. You've been saving up for—!”

“Hey! Listen to me Y/N, look at me,” he demands, grabbing your hands which had been flailing around in denial. “This money right here means absolutely nothing to me if it means that someone like you can get the opportunity to pursue their dreams, especially because I know it’ll mean absolutely everything for you,” he smiles.

“But Joon, you’ve been saving up this money for your wedding for so long, I can’t, Mina’s going to kill you!” you fluster, Namjoon must’ve been going crazy or something. He’d been working so many hours for the past months, doing countless hours of overtime and being on his best behavior for some tips, how could he give it all up for some gamble at fame?

“I’ve already spoken to her about this and she had absolutely no problem with it!” he laughs, “A wedding is nothing but a celebration for a piece of signed paper, it won’t be the end of the world if we wait a little longer,” he reassures, “As long as Mina and I know we’re in this for life, then that piece of paper won’t change anything.”

“Joon I can’t—”

“You can and you will Y/N,” he firmly states, “plus you can always pay me back once you get rich and famous,” he teases, winking at you. “So, what do you say Y/N? You ready to go to Los Angeles?” You stare at him without blinking, a million thoughts racing through your head. This was your dream, the thing you’d spent a countless number of nights only imagining whenever you’d get up on that wooden stage to perform, and now you were finally going to get the chance to make it a reality.

“I don’t,” you hesitate, “I’m,” you feel your skin tingle with the words you’re about to say, now having made your decision, “I’m going to Hollywoodland,” you softly cry out in disbelief, a dimpled grin appearing on Namjoon’s face.

“Atta girl,” tears which weren’t of sadness, anger, but joy now falling from your face, as you quickly pull Namjoon into a hug. Slowly, he breaks away, “Come on, you gotta get going,” he glances at his wrist watch, which read a quarter past nine, “the train leaves half past nine, and I still gotta walk you to the departing area.”

Quickly buttoning up your coat and fixing your hair, you try your best to seem presentable, Namjoon grabbing your luggage from the backseat and exiting the vehicle, as you do the same, but for you it all feels different. Looking up to the building that surrounds the terminal, you soak in the final view of New York which you wouldn't be seeing for who knows how long. Years ago you’d imagine leaving home, but never like this, and for a moment it was as if time slowed down, almost like your brain needed a “photograph” to commemorate this moment,

The man playing on his saxophone outside the station for tips only adding a warm comfort to your fears, a reminiscent sound which was a balm to your mind, a reminder of the nostalgic chapter in your life that you’d look back to, whether it was with a joyful outlook was only for you to decide.

Slowly the two of you begin to walk to the departing area, your legs feeling more and more wobbly with every step you took. This was really happening.

“Here we are,” Namjoon announces, gently placing your luggage on the floor, and then placing hands against his hips in marvel at how gigantic the stationed train was. Your eyes glisten, once again pulling Namjoon into a hug. “You sure are emotional, you know that right?” he teases, causing you to only further tighten the hug.

You pull out the hug, “I’m going to write to you every week, I promise you!” you avow, causing Namjoon to immediately shake his head in disagreement.

“No, no, you have to focus on your career every waking minute Y/N, if anything just save a couple of bucks every month and ring me here and there, I’m always at the club most of the time and it’s not like you don’t know my schedule, plus I’m sure Al won’t charge me for using the telephone machine every once in a while,” he explains, voice slightly wavering, as his eyes were now glossy from trying to hold back his tears causing you to let out a laugh.

“Come on, you know you wanna cry,” you sniffle, pulling him in for another hug.

“Ah, I’m gonna miss you Y/N,” he laughs through his tears, “they don’t make em like you anymore.”

“This is the final boarding call for New York to Los Angeles which includes a stop at Chicago!” the conductor yells out the train, “I repeat, this is the final boarding call for New York to Los Angeles!” Namjoon quickly taps on your shoulders, rushing you to get on board.

Swiftly, you pick up the luggage cases on the floor, and begin to make your way inside the train but not before shouting something to Namjoon, “Hey, I expect to see a pregnant Mina the next time I see you guys, you hear me!” he facepalms himself, his cheeks becoming red at how loudly you announced it.

You quickly run to your seat, looking at Namjoon through the window, who remained where he stood, the train slowly beginning to move, while the conductor pulls the lever for the steam whistle, the final declaration to the new chapter in your life. You anxiously wave to Namjoon one last time, a grand smile on both of your faces, as he waves in return. The (what you assumed) family members of other passengers also waved goodbye, many teary eyed as you could only imagine the stories of everyone else on the train.

Once you were out of eyesight, you made yourself comfortable on your seat, slightly tilting your head against the window, a long unexpected trip now ahead of you.

Los Angeles from what you could currently tell was definitely different than to what you were used to in New York, but beautiful nonetheless. The cab you managed to pin down was currently driving you to the small motel you found on one of the welcoming pamphlets of the city.

Currently, you were being driven down the newly built Sunset Boulevard, where you could only hope you’d be living on sometime in the near future.

“Ah there it is,” the taxi driver points out the window, and immediately a wonderstruck look appears on your face, your heart now pounding in excitement at the sight of the word “Hollywoodland” appearing from the mountains. “Welcome to Los Angeles kid,” the man says, to which you only nod your head in dumbfoundedness, “you better make the most of it.”

“I sure am.”

a/n: i purposely left the ending ambiguous just because i felt like it should be your guys’ imagination as to whether y/n makes it big in hollywood depending on whether you like her or not LOL, so if you don’t like her you could always imagine she flopped or sum, and whatever jungkook does afterward being unknown as well. Catherine a better person than me, cause forgiving a cheater just aint in my heart LMAO.

also I wanted to dive further into namjoon and y/n’s friendship, as well as add a scene where y/n went shopping for her dress but I was burning out and so hopefully I did good conveying the sincerity of their friendship and the importance of the event to y/n + talk more about jk’s and catherine’s families but I think I put enough hints, that you guys would get the point and its effects on them as people. 

Feel free to comment, send me a message, or drop an anon! Anything is appreciated & if you can please like and reblog 💘 till next time.

[cherryonigiri]

S/O that thirsts over anime/game guys

reposted bc wasn’t showing up in the tags + I want to keep nsfw under the cut

@nononononojustno asked: Okay so could you write a headcanon where 2 random boys (can you pick then? I love all of boys from hq) and Ushi-kun where they walk on their gfs fangirling or thirsting over another anime/game character?And she was talking how hot he is? How they would react?👀😂 have a great day/night and dont forget to eat and get rest, love you💕

A/N: hahahahaha i laughed while writing this. FYI these are all based on legit crushes i had on anime/game characters at some point in my life - see if you’ve watched the shows i’ve watched :) ILY I PROMISE I’M DOING MY BEST TO EAT THREE MEALS A DAY AND GET ADEQUATE SLEEP MWAH. also i went overboard and added an extra boy bc why not. These are a little shorter since there were 4 characters but I hope you enjoy!

Content warning: implied nsfw for Atsumu + slight nsfw hcs for Matsukawa (both are under the cut)

PS: If anyone wants a spicy sequel/one shot for matsukawa i’m open to the idea 👀👀 let me know in my inbox!

Ushijima Wakatoshi

Ushijima definitely knows you’re into anime + games

Having visited your dorm room on multiple occasions he’s seen your extensive collection of manga, anime posters and you always seem to be playing on your switch whenever you have free time

Of course, he notices a significant portion of your collection is centered on male characters

And you’ve definitely mentioned a few games to him - Ikemen Sengoku, Code:Realize, Hakuouki (wow i’m really out here exposing myself) etc.

He doesn’t really mind though? Like - at the end of the day these are 2D men, whereas he is a very real boyfriend

At least he thinks he doesn’t mind

Recently, he notices that you seem to be on your phone a lot, and you seem to be texting the same group chat very often

He asks why and you laugh - it’s not actual text messages you’re just trying out a new otome/simulation game called Mystic Messenger. He finds the name silly but he just brushes it off he’s definitely J E A L O U S

Until one day he walks into your room while you’re calling one of your friends to freak out about that specific game

You sound kind of teary from outside the door “Oh MY GOD OH MY GOD I GOT THE GOOD ENDING WITH JUMIN!” and “[friend name] I THINK I CAN DIE HAPPY I’M MARRIED TO JUMIN HAN WHAT MORE DO I NEED IN LIFE” and “HE’S SO FREAKING ATTRACTIVE UGH I AM BLESSED”

He’s like who TF is Jumin and immediately bursts into your room looking pissed off

Poor babie is all like “you’re married?” and “if you had someone else you were interested in you should have told me.” “Who is this Jumin Han???” 🧐

Oh my god you start cackling, but you manage to tell him that NO you are not married and that Jumin Han is a fictional character from the game you’re playing

Ushijima looks confused after you explain - why would you find fictional men attractive when you’re already dating him?

Tendou almost dies laughing the next day when Ushijima tells him about what happened

Oikawa Tooru

Since practice finishes pretty late he usually goes to see you at your house at night, but tonight things wrapped up earlier - he’s excited to spend more time with you

You’ve finished up most of your homework so you’ve just been rewatching Attack on Titan since you’re super excited for the new season

You’re kinda distracted/have headphones on so you don’t hear your boyfriend knock on the front door. Your mom answers it and lets him in and he climbs the stairs

He can hear your fangirling (freaking out) over something as he walks towards your room

You jump in surprise when he opens the door, because you thought he would be a bit later but immediately release your pent up excitement

“Tooru just LOOK at him he’s such a bad ass like oh my gosh he literally has swords and he’s still running around slaying the MPs who have guns. God whenever he gets angry he looks so hot,” etc. etc.

You’re shoving your laptop in his face, showing him gifs and video of attack on titan, specifically the captain of the survey corps that you are obsessed with

Tooru gets it - for him its space, shitty alien films and astronomy. For you it’s video games and anime - or more specifically, handsome characters from said franchises

Even though he understand that it’s something you’re passionate about he still makes a whole show about whining how you’re in love with Levi Ackerman (lmao i still thirst over our favorite captain) instead of him

“y/n i’m taller than him! And more handsome! He has blood on him all the time! And he’s super annoying because he’s obsessed with cleaning.” *cue pouty Tooru*

You probably shouldn’t tell him that you are an avid follower of the levi x reader tag on tumblr

Tooru still somehow finds out you’re also reading reader insert fanfic and goes BERSERK with his pouting and whining - literally everyone and their mothers have heard his sob story about how “his darling y/n is leaving me for a short germaphobic asshole”

The rest of the team finds it hilarious - the end up pranking him by posting pictures of Levi in his school locker or texting them in the volleyball groupchat (Oikawa is Suffering™)

Makki and Mattsun get him a Levi keychain for his birthday and cackle when he chucks it violently into the nearest trash can

Miya Atsumu

Doesn’t really know you’re into anime/gaming at first

I don’t think that’s on purpose - Atsumu just has such a one track mind when it comes to volleyball and he’s always busy with practice

so he just kinda doesn’t really give all the anime merch in your room a second glance even though it’s a dead giveaway

I bet Atsumu secretly watches some superhero anime - probably shounen stuff like My Hero Academia, one punch man etc.

He probably starts to notice you’re into anime/games because you’ll play games on your phone/gaming device all the time

One day he notices you’re giggling + blushing while looking at your screen. He’s curious to he heads over to you when coach says they can have a break

Peeks over your shoulder because he wants to know what you’re playing - but instead he’s greeted by some 2D samurai guy called Harada Sanosuke asking you to marry him

“Huh, I didn’t know you were into this kinda stuff y/n” tries to sound playful but internally he is screaming / ?????? WOT I DIDN’T KNOW MY S/O WAS INTO OTOME GAMES

Atsumus pretty chill about it at first, he probably teases you a lot about playing the game but isn’t really bugged about it

“Maybe you should thirst over your boyfriend instead of a fictional character babe~”

I mean - he knows he’s attractive and why be jealous? You only really play the game when he’s busy and you don’t really let the game play seep into your dates/hangouts

But one time he walks in on you reading some ~spicy~ hakuouki x reader fanfic and he’s like are u serious

Like you were lowkey quiet screaming to yourself and muttering “omg omg omg” when he walked in and you definitely tried to close your laptop so he couldn’t see what was open in your browser

Too bad Atsumu has mad reflexes and manages to prevent you from making your computer go to sleep

Briefly skims whatever it was that you were reading and smirks at you

“Hey, if you really want something like this, why don’t you let your real boyfriend deliver” before kissing you

Matsukawa Issei

Look, Issei just wants a chill movie/tv show night where the two of you can bundle up on the couch and binge whatever anime you feel like

Has everything set up - this man is ready to go: snacks? he has all of your favorites, couch? filled with soft pillows + multiple pillows. Attire? Comfy sweatpants shirtless 🥵

Last time he chose the series for your binge sleepover so he let you choose what the two of you were gonna watch this time

Turns out you decided to watch Psycho-Pass - it seemed like a pretty cool show, he was down with the whole dystopia/psychological concept

Starts out pretty normal, is appreciating the action + mystery elements and is glad that you chose that show

About halfway through the anime you two decide to take a break - he goes to the kitchen to refill your snacks, leaving to stretch you back.

When he comes back with more food, he notices that you’re hunched over your phone, typing something

He sneaks up behind you after he puts the food down, “Whatcha reading there babe?” You squeak and try to hide your phone, but not before he sees the words kougami x reader typed into your tumblr search bar

Lit-rally exCuSE me what - he’s not mad (more amused than anything else) but he also kind wants to tease you (bc Mattsun is a little shit)

“Is that the reason you wanted to watch this show?” he asks playfully. “He’s pretty hot tho, I kinda agree with you there babe.”

Now that he’s released the floodgate, he can’t stop your occasional comments like “omg how does he look so GOOD when he’s punching someone” or “he could shoot me with his dominator and i’d still say thank you”

The thirst comments are kinda getting to him, so he decides to take things in a different direction

“Let me what I can show you with my dominator~” L M A O I’M SORRY THIS EXISTS

Suddenly you’re being pulled onto his lap, and pressed against his bare chest, Issei barely gives you time to adjust before he’s kissing you roughly, tongue plunging into your mouth

His hands wrap around your hips pressing your core closer to his own, and you can feel his hard-on pressing into your stomach

He’ll be sure to suck a dark hickey onto the side of your neck and his hands travel under your shirt, just to remind you who your real boyfriend is

Needless to say, you won’t remember a single thing about the second half of the show after the night is over couch sex? Couch sex 😏

[vampirecatprince]

Spoilers ahead, but I'm gonna just record my thoughts as I read this

*chanting* MOON EGG. MOON EGG.

Oh! This is that red forest from the The Love You Want video!

FUKCIGN BNNUY

Oh- there's no dialogue. At all. Huh. I like the choice. It feels right.

WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE. THE DANCERS FROM THAT VIDEO. *points between them and the ambush fighters rapidly*

BROS FACE EXPLODED INTO... SOMETHING. (Ah- this is that flavor of cosmic horror!!!!)

Oh- exposition! First- this font is AWFUL to read? That said- ooh, there's some juicy stuff in here. So, lunar anomaly. I like this Director character however. He definitely reeks of tragic cosmic horror protagonist and I don't want to call it early... But Vessel vibes? I like the effort to make this guy feel very empathetic.

Also- looking directly at the moon is what happened to that guy. Okay. Also implies that the people who did the ambush are cultists of some sort which I also dig!

Okay- so I just rewatched the The Love You Want video and I think this arc is supposed to be that video, just in a more literal sense? I don't know if I'm making sense here...

Okay- looks like we're in a new story now.

Gotta say, I really love the spatter effect on Sleep in these moon shots

DOGGO!

Oh- I have a bad feeling about his bc doggo is not following them wherever they're going.

Oh.

OH.

HELLO MR CHOKEHOLD.

I stg- I am getting such specific vibes from him. Like- specifically, the No Face that chases Chihiro mixed with Dark Souls vibes?

OH- ITS MR THE SUMMONING.

jfc- I'm getting even MORE Adeptus Astartes vibes from this fucker /pos

This would be a badass anime battle ngl-

I know that this band is known for its brevity but I would love some explanation here /pos

Ooh- more worldbuilding. Okay- he's not just a "director", but a biologist of some sort. I know it's probably just technobabble that I'm not supposed to be able to make much sense of, but I enjoy that it is very technical sounding. Especially in comparison with how poetic a lot of this character's previous writing has been, it really establishes him as someone who knows what he's talking about.

I also enjoy the reluctance he has about what happening? His reluctance to accept the world that he's been thrust into plus the very scientific sounding jargon he's just used really grounds him as a real person and it's in very effective choices with character writing so far.

Okay- part three.

Oh. That's a lot of dead people.

Oh DAMN- I LOVE this double page before and after spread???? It is objectively a tragic and really well done spread but there's also a part of my brain distantly chanting meat moss meat moss meat moss

Ohhh- it's growing out of their faces?

OH! ITS THE TMBTE ANGEL.

Oh- their protective masks stopped working?

I think they were transformed? But these bug things have six eyes!!!!!!

More exposition! So it appears that the actual laws of physics and reality are beginning to breakdown somehow? Also - there it is! There's that nihilism and existentialism I associate with this genre! I do like that this character isn't having the nihilism crush him though. He's sure he's going to die, yes. But that's a reasonable assumption given his situation. But he's choosing to face whatever happens instead of giving up and I like that. A steeliness under what we've seen so far.

Part four!

Ohhh-beady hidden eyes and scribbling repeated text is never a good sign

Oh. Reality is BROKEN BROKEN. It's a STUNNING spread though! I can't wait to see people post the spreads from the digital version because I'd really love to see a version of this without the page spine in the middle.

Oh- I vibe with this.

Oh- I love this. I really love this? Them embracing and sinking and them the moon embracing a rotted out Earth? Ohhhhh it's sooo tasty??? THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED.

Ohhhhh that last page at the end- Oh, my heart. "... will you let me keep my human fear"? This is some fantastic cosmic horror, holy shit.

I SO many questions, but in a way that I think was very intentional. And I really liked this! I like the character of The Director and the oddly sweet ending he got, especially for a cosmic horror protagonist? Like- he is broken now, he can never go back to what he was- but, he was treated with an odd amount of compassion by the entity. The idea that the world isn't dead, just... changed and he's somehow returning home even if home is something new and alien to him now is unusually compassionate feeling for this genre, but tracks with the vibes I've always gotten from this band?

I really liked this, honestly.

Damn- this cover is so clean