#I JUST SAW THESE AND HAD TO SAVE THEM
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Katekyo Hitman REBORN! - Retro Chic designs by Tapioca Online Shop (2023)
#katekyo hitman reborn#khr#khr official#reborn#sawada tsunayoshi#gokudera hayato#yamamoto takeshi#rokudo mukuro#hibari kyoya#sasagawa ryohei#lambo#vongola family#I JUST SAW THESE AND HAD TO SAVE THEM#its so cute ;A;
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messed up on bobettes size in comparisson 2 the rest of the holidays.. ive literally never played dandys world but that comic on tiktok by poilubsu (whatever this is) was so peak i couldnt stop myself from going deeper in2 the fandom. somehow a few of these designs r already slightly outdated to how i draw them ?? mostly the commons (SHRIMPO.) but it was still sooo much fun. due to rarity i only drew commons thru rares as post-twisting
misc doodles. i have such bad favoritism for shrimpo. and the number of drawing im holding from u bc its a rarepair is heartbreaking. maybe later !!!
ALSO. been really wanting to actually get into the game. but i do NOT play roblox EVER so if anyone has like. good dw server recs for beginners/first timers.. preferably not toooo big.. or just dm me !! also open to just making some fun fandom buddies :0)
EDITING TO SAY i have found a server !!! but you are still free to dm if you wanna be friends lol
had to come back and edit in some ms paint doodles
#dandys world#dandys world fanart#i have to tag EVERYONE ??? loooorrrddd save me#dw boxten#dw cosmo#dw poppy#dw looey#dw shrimpo#dw tisha#when i first saw looey. and i had been seeing a lot of dw in passing. i thought he was lowk fugly#but now ... i see the vision and im sorry#dw brightney#dw connie#dw finn#dw razzle and dazzle#dw rodger#dw teagan#dw toodles#brightney is such a funny character to me. why is shelly concerned abt being forgotten when brightney is right there#i know they gotta exist but i am yet to see someone whos favorite is brightney. love her tho !!!#dw flutter#dw gigi#dw glisten#dw goob#dw scraps#i was so mad drawing glisten bc gigi was SO FUN shes got such a delightful look. and glisten is just so GAY#but i do genuinely love his look. so fun to doodle#dw astro#astro novalite#MY SHAYLAAA i love taking a character with a big fluffy jacket or blanket and peeling them. he is now Small
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can you even call it a warm up if I'm going to bed without drawing anything big

and a sketch I made while sitting in the park today
#sketch#my art#bnha#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#all for one#midoriya izuku#bnha manga spoilers#only after I finished basically polishing this sketch did I notice how it's basically dark and light mode#also the first one is basically a redraw of illustration from vol 11#I know that translation of Tenko's words is different in official but eh#fanart#I've kind of recovered from recent chapters#and I was analysing those chapters all morning#I'm still thinking but otherwise the chapters are so good#also did you notice that AFO actually talked about how his other him didn't use that 'last thing' yet and that was in ch 410#and in ch 419 he did so it's real and it's still sad#but still AFO was never hiding it enough#from Tomura maybe but we as readers actually saw his plans play out#in any case I'm still just sitting with those two Izuku and Tenko interaction chapters#I waited long enough#and if you don't count AFO's return Izuku DID save Tenko and it's so interesting#since he now has to save his OTHER origin that was in ch 237 taught to kill whatever he wants#Tenko and Tomura both had 'origins' chapters and for now we only worked with 235 and 236#and even if Izuku helped with the start of 237 there's still AFO#in any case it was a hard week#also the second thing actually had them holding hands#and then I was like 'but at that point Izuku's hands are gone oh no'#and it was just Tenko holding air where the hand was destroyed#in any case that scene.
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Happy tdov to fat trans people. 🏳️⚧️ Biggest thing that helped me as a trans kid was seeing older fat trans people. There were a lot of really irritating "advice" posts going around early in my time on the internet with a lot of misinformation in them, but one that I constantly saw (in addition to people claiming you should wear your pants rediculously low or only wear button ups) were posts saying you had to lose weight to transition. Can confidently confirm that is completely untrue. 👍
#seal.txt#tdov#that 'sky and mike' image of the two old trans dudes hugging was one that I had saved to my phone as a trans teen#and i would look at it sometimes and just wonder how they had made it#idk its just nice knowing we live that long and its not a requirement to be skinnyin order to be respected and loved and get old#some of the old 'advice' posts i saw were really completely bizarre and a lot of them stick with me to this day in insecurities#this would have been 2016 ish tumblr so i know not that long ago but i would have been around 13 for reference#weird that i remember so many of the things i read back then. i could probably fill a post with things i was misinformed on due to Tumblr#specifically tumblrs run by people that i didnt really have the knowledge or awareness to understand probably didnt have my best interests#like 'trans rights ' blogs i would follow and not notice until much later were quite the opposite#this is the consequence of viewing social media before i knew all the secret codewords and my brain was much less developed than it is now
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i’ll find you again in every universe. let us be a little more honest, let us have a little more time.
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#despite it all though badlands rumble is like. the only universe where we get wolfwood thinking vash died first... and i think that means a#lot to their relationship and how it may bloom if there was more to badlands rumble considering vash literally saw wolfwood carrying a piece#of vash after his supposed death. u know! despite the short time they were together vash still meant so much to wolfwood that he couldn't#just move on or forget him in anyway. needed to keep a piece of him for himself and the rest of his days. but ofc vash lives and wolfwood#was like ill beat ur fucking ass into tomorrow. there's just so much honesty in vash being able to see that gesture bc he wouldnt know#otherwise just how much he might mean to him. ANYWAY. trimax with with the eternal pining featuring the two chapters where imo#where the both of them really fell for each other... i wrote my thoughts about this on another comic i did before#but vash solidifying his feelings during the hospital arc -- ww solidifies his when he realizes his allegiances are permanently with vash#98 my lovelies but also to me they are so one-sided bc ww pined like no tomorrow and vash only realizes after ep 23?24? his heart did tickle#whenever ww complimented his smile though#and tristamp vw my beloveds. it really just feels like they get the chance to be closer and closer and more honest with each other#with every version that comes about. in trimax they knew how little time they had but struggled so desperately to get closer. in 98 ww felt#more willing to forsake for vash. in badlands rumble theyre Angry but as mentioned earlier ^ more blatant truth... due to circumstances#mainly but has the chance to lead to discussions and tristamp literally. first day of knowing each other ww saves vash - 2 days later vash#saves ww like. Man. AND NOW THEY MAY POTENTIALLY GET EVEN CLOSER!!!! with s2....#ruporas art
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i'm sending this endless melody to a nameless you
#SKELETON ORCHESTRA AND LILIA I NEED YOU#project sekai#emunene#emu otori#nene kusanagi#pjsk#prsk#proseka#wxs cover wishlist copium.. 2!!#i have lots more of them i wanna draw but ill do st least one duet for each pair i think. maybe nnks next ive had one for them forever#Gyaaaa#Crying i have szks lunar new years art that idk how to render im missing the holiday. lord in heaven#Ik every leaker or whatever says this is going to mmj snd it probably will and i'll love the cover but still. emunene save me#wxs gets songs with nonsense lyrics its possible right Right right#i also wanted setsuna trip to go to emu in any duet but i looove the mnai cover so i won anways#Kind of too sleepy to do my usual. Sorry viewers who like reading theough my insane tags. Dont get covid it makes you sleep 13 hours a day#For the next month.#my friends saw me going nuts over this drawing actually and i gave up hard on nenes dress i just wanted to be done.. love how emus looks..#wait i actually can be insane in the tags THE WXS WORLDLINK SONG SJHDDYDJKYMY TGYAYDHUA!!! HAGSGYAAH!!!!! GY6;$;$;$;$;$ WHEHEHEHEHEH#WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH. Its so good please help. Wxs tetrad that illuminates the world save me.#why does the 2dmv have all of them under a WEDDING AROOOR WHY IS THERE A WEDDING BELL. CONGRATS ON POLYSHO MARRIAGE. HWATEVVRR!!!!!#wonderlands x showtime killing me taking damage augh Auughg akk akcghj
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Details in Stan's letter that still haunt me
(how long will I continue thinking about a two page letter that's technically not even that long because Stan's handwriting is fricking large? .....you don't need to worry about that.)


The bro code only shows up in the Lost Journal pages, and to me Stan's message feels like it purposely echoes Ford's "miss you" in the college photo (and for some reason the message doesn't appear in the website version of the photo?) ....or alternatively Stan simply noticed how distressed Ford was about this entire thing and wanted to support him in a way so he can be sappy but without the kids knowing, or both!


Stan's claim about the Oregon lottery contradicts what the Lost Legends website said about Tate McGucket's ability to predict the winning numbers!! ...but also breaking into the Lottery HQ is definitely a very Stan thing to do and it's not the first time small gags have been retconned


Despite spending most of his letter nonchalantly destroying him, the taunt about ripping a dollar bill in half is the only part where Stan is directly responding to Bill. Maybe it's the two of them having similar ways of thinking but it's rather specific considering Bill taunts the reader about it...
And after Bill spends an entire book calling Ford Sixer despite normally using a pretty wide range of nicknames for him, Stan then spends his letter mainly referring to Ford as Sixer, even though post-Weirdmageddon he tends to use a mix of nicknames. And it's not like he'd gotten to see Bill himself for long, let alone see him steal that childhood nickname (that is only used twice in the actual show btw!). Did Ford tell him what happened or...?
With all this and the website's "still on your mind" message, what I'm getting at is my tinfoil hat theory of Stan somehow seeing some of the pages the irl readers saw, even when it should be personalised to the specific reader, and he's been lying about it for some reason. Considering that the book flat out doesn't make an attempt at convincing Soos, I find it a stretch that whatever Bill was telling Stan via the book was an attempt to convince him either.
Wouldn't be the first time Stan's skimmed through a book and lied about what it meant to him.


(...Now I kinda wanna see a story about the family reading their versions of the book and making fun of it while Stan is improvising every single one of his pages and blatantly ignoring Bill's attempts to mock and taunt him)
But also I'm fascinated by the letters that only showed up on the website (aka the Soos+Wendy+McGucket+Pacifica ones). I'm assuming that Mabel had stuck them on after Stan's letter... but they were basically eaten by the book itself because seeing Stan's letter kick-started Bill's breakdown which takes up the rest of the book
#im wearing this tinfoil hat with pride i know something is up!!!!#like three things in one letter??? ...i mean the handwriting is another thing but for another reason that i already mentioned elsewhere#(of course i also love the idea of same coin theory being flat out the reason why stan's perceiving the book differently)#gf meta#stanley pines#stan pines#ford pines#book of bill#bill cipher#also i'm still kinda annoyed that pacifica got a letter over candy and grenda cos like.... she didn't really do anything in w3 lmao#meanwhile grenda literally ripped bill's eye out and the girls were the main ones holding him off!!! give them respect hirsch!!!!#they helped with the unicorn spell!!!! they're an extended part of the group!!!! they saved stan before!! give my girls respect!!!!!!#also some folks are assuming that the 'miss you' message was directed at mcgucket but if it was for him#i feel like it'd be scribbled on the page itself and not be part of college ford notes in the bg (and ford would use a different cipher)#mind you the photo itself is a day after he met mcgucket so there's no reason why ford would direct it at him#they literally just became besties!!!#and this is a ford recently estranged from his brother and is still trying to convince himself he only feels anger towards him#(i saw some saying that ford shared the bro code with mcgucket too and im ??? theres an entire page about him hiding his childhood stuff#i get there's the 'oh disney!!!' easter egg now but ford at that time was pretty touchy about anything regarding stan#(alex saying that if mcgucket had found his stan o war photo ford wouldve lied and#brushed it off as an inspiration to his career in science instead admitting that he's holding onto it cos he misses his twin)#plus he'd show another recent code that wasn't made by literally kids if he really wanted to share one imo#but also j3 is him using them to hide info from mcgucket!!!)#two sides of the same dollar bill#thisisnotawebsitedotcom
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sorry, no art this week. just edits of fem!ford of varying quality. her name's andromeda. grauntie andy. and i love her
#originally inspired by this totally real tweet by alex hirsch (not pictured) -#''I always imagine that Ford realized she was a girl when she was in the portal and she just wasn't out to her family yet''#- a very real quote from Alex Hirsch's twitter account#anyways i got carried away editing and kind of fell in love with her that's why there's so many of them#i need a nerdy middle aged woman with glasses and a ponytail to save me#gravity falls#stanford pines#transfem ford#had a long list of names for her before choosing andromeda as her name (i think 'grauntie andy' as a nice ring to it)#and upon looking up the transfem ford tag i saw someone called her nicole which is funny since that was one of my first options too#same braincells and all
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something ive been seeing lately with the link click fanbase people treating lu guang like hes an awful deceiving person & awful for going back in time over & over again to save cheng xiaoshi.. but did we forget season 2? 😭 cheng xiaoshi would do the same given the same circumstances.. stop making it one sided!!!!!
#idk maybe this is just my opinion but#season 2 episode 1 when cheng xiaoshi saw lu guang he was distraught & had the same glitchy reaction that lu guang has when he dies in s3#who knows! maybe cheng xiaoshi has gone back before!#like why does no one talk about the fact he was prepared fo take that bullet in ep1 of s3??#ALSO HE LITERALLY ASKS LU GUANG TO SAVE EVERYONE. SO HE DOES#also hate how people act like lu guang ONLY cares about cheng xioashi. he acts like he dont gaf but he gafs too much#lu guang sees the bigger picture & he KNOWS the consequences & he cant risk it#this is bringing me back to how people treat homura from madoka magica#why does lu guang have homura syndrome in canon & fanon senss FREE THEM#anyway rant is over who gaf…#link click#link click spoilers#link click season 3#lu guang#cheng xiaoshi#shiguang#silly speaks#edit here. i know its not actual s3 but using that to fit more into the tag is why i said s3#bridon spoilers#bridon arc#link click bridon#yingdu arc#yingdu spoilers#link click yingdu#i still think a lot of this is relevant to what will come up in season 3 though. they both have secrets & i hope they spill out in a mess
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whenever i think about prowlbee confessing i legit cannot picture either of them going to the other and admitting their feelings. prowl sees bumblebee as an obnoxious, impulsive, and aggravating bot he’d be embarrassed to spend time with in public. bumblebee thinks prowl has a stick up his ass with how often he’s nagging bee for some sort of “incorrect behavior.” if either of them had to choose between confessing to each other or going a month without energon they’d choose the latter
however. both of them are very close to bulkhead. bee and bulk went to boot camp together and bee made it clear he appreciates bulk’s friendship more than anything else. prowl decided to train bulkhead of his own volition and trusted him enough to request his help to secretly bringing the dinobots to their island, which he trusted nobody else with
so i can absolutely prowl and/or bumblebee going to bulkhead, rambling about how much they dislike the other and yet cannot get them out of their heads, and they need help. i just picture bulk in the morning listening to prowl rant about bee’s flaws and how he always has the urge to get up close to him for some unknown reason, and in the afternoon listening to bee complain about how uptight prowl is and how he enjoys poking fun at him because then he gets angry and up in his space, which is a normal thing to want
and bulkhead is just like. okay. and he has to listen to them so much that he can’t take it anymore and sets up a trap where they have to confess and be honest. which neither of them expected purely bc they didn’t think bulkhead was capable of pulling a trick like that
anyways that’s prowlbee confession to me and it takes them at least 4 months or longer for all of this to happen
#giving bulk this experience not only bc i picture it clearly in my head but bc its happened to me so many times#listening to two of my buddies talk to me abt how much they’re crushing on the other (whether they realize or not) and being like.#Sigh. Do they know.#and i think it’s a silly way to also involve bulks friendship with beeprowl#he gets bragging rights for making them finally get together#and i think in the case of prowlbee there’s just no way they’d confess to eachother without a third party getting involved#i mean we saw how much tension they had in the show and it went nowhere#wdym it was made in 2007 for children who didn’t care for romances and produced by people who especially didn’t care for queer romances#transformers#prowlbee#beeprowl#tfa bumblebee#tfa prowl#tfa#transformers animated#zo.txt#anyways if this happened prowl wouldn’t have died or something idk. yaoi saved his life#man no it didn’t jazz couldn’t even save him
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daily reminder that donna noble was always prepared to lay down her life for species and people she never even knew simply because she was one of the most compassionate people of all time.
daily reminder that donna noble turned a jaded suicidal doctor into one of the best and kindest versions of his people simply with her words both soft and sharp and her excitement and anxiousness to be around him and to travel.
daily reminder that despite everybody in her life aside from the doctor and wilf putting her down, donna noble stayed soft and loving towards them without any reason to be.
#donna noble#tendonna#just a hint#tenth doctor#wilfred mott#donna noble appreciation post#i love her very very very much#the fact that she stays so kind and gentle despite being made to feel like she is nothing but an awful failure by everyone is so special#her mother called her a failure#the man she loved called her an idiot to her face and tried sacrificing her for a spider goddess#and yet she still had sympathy for them#love for them#love for the WORLD#for the GALAXY#she saw how cruel everything was and instead of becoming bitter and jaded she chose to LOVE#to SAVE what she could#and that’s beautiful to me
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Someone posted variant comic covers on the subreddit and I thought you'd want to see this one lol
https://www.reddit.com/r/xmen/s/GYfFAoULml

im going to lose my mind at charles' fuckass hat and glasses HELP
#snap chats#if i had a nickel every time i got to see erik in a speedo this week id have two and i want to thank every cosmic entity thats led me here#ALSO i went to the og post and saw the other covers and gambit in the pool with cards--#just reminded me i own waterproof playing cards and theyre slippery as hell and i have no idea when id even use them In A Pool#heinous work ..... anyway thank you for this gift i will be saving it for nefarious purposes down the line
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I love how these two don't give a flying fuck about their own safety but when it's about the safety of their best friend? Their childhood buddy? Their good-time pal?? Their brother in arms?!
You better goddamn believe they'll take that seriously.

Dick's all 'oh a bunch of assassins and mob bosses are after me and I'm injured but it's fine, I got this handled-' and Wally already has the man tucked into the pullout couch bed at his house before he's finished the sentence.
Wally's all 'okay so I know that the future version of me is dead on the floor and I'm supposed to die after fighting a fire BUT I can't not help if there are people who need me, so I'll just fight this forest fire and-' Meanwhile Dick already has 60 tranq darts locked and loaded and the floor lined with anti gravity beams.
#dc#dc comics#the flash#kid flash#wally west#dick grayson#robin#nightwing#batman#i just love the difference in how they show that they care about each other#both thought the other had died and that they hadn't been able to save them. cause wally saw the building collapse on dicl#and dick saw the dead wally from the future#and now they're both in super over protective mode. like full on 'shut the fuck up im not letting you die' mode#but for Wally that takes the form of bringing Dick into the heart of Central City (far from the danger) into his home#and making him sleep and eat and hang out with his puppy and kids while Wally attempts to solve the case for him (he tried real hard)#and for Dick that takes the form of threatening extreme bodily harm and kidnapping if Wally doesn't comply#i just- i fucking love it. Wally's like 'you cant make me' then he remembers hes talking to dick fucking grayson#and hes like 'fuck.... this building is full of anti speedster stuff to stop me isn't it'#and DICK DOESN'T LIE. HE JUST STRAIGHT UP THREATENS HIM.#i love it. they're both so fucked up
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Mha sketch dump!

feat. LoV sleeping and other things
So there's that World Hero vote going now, BUT there's also basically a personal Top 5 thing too
I thought about my top 5 for a bit and ended up with this
But as it was I didn't like that we don't exactly have a way to make multiple characters have same place like that character sorter. But my top 3 would've shared 1st place
And also it gave me some inspiration so I sketched Izuku and later Tomura. And here started the sketch wave, bc choosing AFOmura for the Tomura pic is... A choice and so there are two Tomura's on the sketch, with AFOmura getting the 2nd amd Tomura 1st
I got a bit frustrated with how I drew them so I decided to try to redraw some stuff while keeping with mha style as close as I could

I was a bit... Surprised? To see my own progress as the last time I did a thing like this it wasn't that good

Trying to simplify the style instead bc I was getting sleepy didn't help
#fanart#sketch#my art#bnha#league of villains#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#midoriya izuku#toga himiko#dabi#toya todoroki#spinner#shuichi iguchi#mr compress#jin bubaigawara#Had isat ost on a loop for the LoV sketch#It was my last one and I like it the most#I wanted to sketch something like that for a long time even more so after... Final arc#Was thinking about stuff while drawing#Like how Izuku tried to save Tomura and yet the moment he (Tenko) was free from all those feelings#He just thought of his friends and later LoV and refused to give up on that#And it wasn't even a choice that could've changed anything with how he was slowly dying after that blow and AFO's involvement#Isat is so easy to crossover with mha actually just take Izuku's arc and boom#I thought about LoV tho#One would ask when don't I do that#Hyperfixation is slowly becoming durable so I'm mostly trying stuff out and mixing now#This sketch dump was a spontaneous thing just because I saw that one top 5 thing#Because drawing mha stuff is pretty painful! That's why I drew LoV sleeping#I was literally thinking of dropping the sketches halfway with most of them#But in any case LoV always has a special place in my heart it's been 5 years after all
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Thought posed:
Danny does the college stuff and interning for stuff at Wayne Enterprises while living in Gotham, but he doesn’t catch the Bats attention because he simultaneously is both Just Normal Enough while the Bats are Slightly Out Of Step of normal long enough that things with Danny don’t catch their attention. (Gotham as a whole is a huge ‘well this might as well happen’ place and after however many years…the threshold is a bit off for weirdness. Pair that up with normal Batdrama and role-code-switching and minor things are likely going to be subconsciously overlooked if not clocked as Dangerous.)
(Does Danny know the Bats’ IDs? … He would deny it if asked. Not his circus business though. He does think it’s smart that they at least try to cover their faces, unlike when he played the hero. He meets Clark before Superman and feels like he’s on the Office or something.)
Danny moves on with the astro-stuff (whether an astronaut, an astrophysicist, or whatever else) in another city and catches the attention of another hero as Not Normal, What’s Up With That Guy?? (two parts coincidence, one part Danny’s willingness to trust for the better, one part Uncanny) and they track his history to Gotham/WE and decide to ask the Batclan if they knew anything.
They find out nothing really is wrong with Danny (…the JLD was not called or conferred with, unfortunately for all) but it does spark the reeducation refresher of the Gotham Clan for Human Weirdness (that also educated the rest in just how messed up Gotham can be).
#and then at the end Danny shows up in space or whatever idk#part as just a normal thing he does that didn’t catch attention before#part because the heroes were not subtle and Danny wants to fuck with them#Danny’s stuff is more background to the reeducation of Gotham vigilantes’ perspective of normalcy#I figure that with enough time some things that were Big News is now not and therefore doesn’t reach far#especially is Gotham had a period of not being able to rely on anything but itself#adult Danny Fenton#he’s in his 30s#two decades dead and a year or two off of finding out he’s functionally immortal#GIW not really an issue#governmant agencies may be watching him to use him for nefarious purposes (saving money on budgets with this overpowered space weirdo)#I’m on the astronaut Danny fenton tag again#lol#dpxdc#ao3#op#Danny stared at Clark for 20 seconds without blinking during an interview and the déjà vu sense clocked him as alien#Clark was concerned when his interviewee spaced out mid word. saw him later when he saved him from a car later and the guy just…sighed?#the only thing he says as he walks away?#goddamnit wes. every effing time. should probably look into that.
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no but essek's abnormal behaviours in the last arc and especially in episode 140 are my roman empire. which is ironic because aeor is something of a roman empire itself. but in all seriousness, it was the episode that made me realise i love essek and his development so much and it kinda summarised it even before caleb's epilogue.
and i mean the "it's not fair" scene specifically. it's like, an epitome of his whole character progression from a person who put An Objectively Important Goal above all else without hesitation to someone who can't help but care for people around even more than his goal, no matter how big and relevant it is.
the mighty nein - and he alongside them - pretty much saved the world and freed an ancient city from thousand-year-long suffering. they defeated nine extremely powerful menacing entities who managed to stay out of everyone's sight for years and were so close to achieving their goal and dooming exandria in the process. they did the impossible and became heroes and somehow, they survived, even though they had bidden farewells a couple of hours ago because they had already understood what they had been facing. and nevertheless. they made it.
and none of them was celebrating.
mighty nein are basically essek's only friends. he knew them to be very unusual people, to put it lightly, loud and stubborn and completely inescapable once they consider you to be one of their own. and they showed him so much kindness and put so much faith in him, they were here playing the most atrocious music ever and digging clay in his backyard for a spell they invented just to help one of theirs and asking him if he could bring them pastries the day after they found out he was lying to them and had started a war. they were chaotic and weird and sometimes unbearable but most importantly they were carrying so much hope with them all this time - a hope they could end the war, a hope they could stop the angel of irons cult, a hope they could get better, a hope he could get better, and now, finally, that they could save their lost friend.
and that hope shattered, just like that, the moments after they'd already made the impossible. they saved so many souls - and then could not get back just that one.
for essek "my intentions were never good they were important" thelyss it just. shouldn't have mattered. they won. it could have been worse. people die and when they die they rarely come back. they should've been happy everyone else barely made it alive.
but for some reason, mighty nein being so defeated after they saved the world exposed him to that overwhelming feeling of injustice and unfairness. and i mean, there were many things essek considered to be unfair, but when i watched his first appearance and his interactions with mighty nein later on til their reunion in aeor arc, i wouldn't dare to guess that one of the things on that list would be something that personal. and personal not even to him.
the thing is, essek didn't even know who that guy was. why mighty nein cared about him so much. he had an idea, i guess, that he was their friend once, or someone in that body was. it was also a person who wanted to unleash a terrifying horrific aberration onto the material plane. it was a person very dedicated to killing essek and his friends - and they still didn't take any pleasure in fighting him. essek didn't feel strongly about lucien or molly, because he never knew them.
i don't think he mourned his death and failed resurrection. he mourned mighty nein's hope, the one they put in him when they had no reason to, the one they offered yasha in the cathedral and the one they kept after the spell for veth failed and the one they carried til the very end because they wanted it to reach molly. they had saved people with this hope. they had saved nations. they had saved the world. but they ended up feeling like it hadn't even been worth anything.
how desperate would it feel, witnessing people who for some reason always saw good in you when they absolutely shouldn't, who made literal miracles out of nothing, who ended wars and fought gods and tricked the hags and freed cities from horrors beyond anyone's comprehension purely because they thought it was the right thing to do and also loved their friends this much, silently crying over a dead body they couldn't bring back to life? how desperate would it feel to realise that with all your knowledge about time you dedicated your life to and threw away any principles for, you can't undo this? no one can. some things are left to fate alone and this time it wasn't kind to them. no matter how much good they did, they still got slapped in the face.
and it was, i think, such a genuine moment of empathy. like, essek is the character who prefers to put up a facade and act distant and self-composed but this time he just. walked away unable to watch this. the could only say to fjord that it wasn't fair. even when he was caught off guard in nicodranas he was able to explain himself and his motives to an extent even though he was a nervous wreck whose extra important plan went to hell the second the only people he cared about appeared. this time he had nothing to elaborate on. it just wasn't fair. it wasn't fair his friends didn't get what they wanted the most. it wasn't fair he couldn't do anything to make it right.
it is such a sad and beautiful and even cathartic scene because it is about person who started a war that destroyed so many lives - and then met this ragtag group of weirdos who saw a lonely stand-offish guy and said "hey, let's be friends!" and didn't even wait for him to answer. he saw them being serious and calculated and he saw them being ridiculous and extremely stupid, he saw their mistrust to outsiders and their loyalty to each other, he made spells with them and paid a visit to their hot tub, he ate their stale pastries and drank their hot chocolate mixed with whiskey, he was welcomed amongst them and in their wonderful home, both in xhorhas before they even found out what he had done and in the tower when they already knew - and then, he saw them mourning their loss, defeated and helpless, and he, a person who believed there were things more important than whole nations, let alone just one life, couldn't help but share the pain they felt. a pure display of compassion from someone who detached himself from it, who didn't believe he could grow into a better person capable of it again, but became one nonetheless without even realising it
#sorry. i cannot shut up about this. this scene stuck with me the moment i saw it and i just couldn't get it out of my head#i mean. i liked essek well enough. i just got attached to other characters more. but then 'it's not fair' happened and it sealed the deal#it was just. so beautiful. so sincere. so important for a character who just started to learn how to care about people#his reaction wasn't intentional. it didn't change anything. but it showed how humane he had become. how deeply he cared#mighty nein are no joke pal#they're gonna make you feel all these unknown emotions like sympathy and love and affection even when they're incredibly painful#essek experiencing closeness and attachment in all their forms. as something beautiful and something aching. is so important to me#they saved him because they had good hearts! and these good hearts sparked so much joy around them!#but if a good heart grants you an ability to experience joy so profoundly. it makes everything else feel like that#you get it. i hope you get it. anyway e140 did so much psychic damage on me i probably will never recover#in a good way mostly <3 but yeah. yeah. it makes me feel a little insane#the mighty nein#essek thelyss#critical role
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