#I Hope You Like This Conclusion

[lucabyte]

i'm so curious about your character gender reads now tho 👀👀

(You enter the kitchen and see me, eating shredded cheese out of the fridge by the handful)

(I turn around to face you.)

Hi. Do you want me to sell you on amab NB Siffrin? I'm going to try and sell you on amab NB Siffrin. And maybe even a little bit of tranfem siffrin and/or loop. as a treat. just for you.

So, (I put the cheese back in the fridge.)

This read of mine comes from a number of things, a lot of them to do with the game's themes, and to do with Siffrin being a narrative foil to the other characters. And Vaugarde as a whole.

(READMORE WARNING: THIS IS LIKE 6K WORDS LONG. YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW BY NOW I DON'T MAKE POSTS WITHOUT UNCONSCIOUNABLE AMOUNTS OF EVIDENCE AND EXPLANATION. IF ANYTHING I'M BEING RESTRAINED HERE. THUMBS UP.)

(Pre-readmore note: this is in response to me having given an analysis of how I personally percieve Sifloop in relation to asexuality and shipping. Which you can look at here. (x))

It is however, not what my like, no-holds-barred no-rules just-for-me headcanon for Siffrin would be. (which is intersex 'head empty no thoughts' siffrin, for the record). This is instead my close-reading-of-the-text-and-themes interpretation of Siffrin. This is why I'm gonna be saying Read and not Headcanon, to distinguish the two. (Anything I consider a little bit too much of a stretch vis a vis interpretive hard reads I will call a headcanon. But those are for the last bit of this post.)

Unlike *gestures at mass media* All That… ISAT is already packed to the gills with queer rep, to the point where I feel no need to grasp at straws and make overextended reaches into obviously unintended subtext. Like with, y'know, most media. Since here, the subtext isn't unintended. Like this isn't a Transfem Metal Sonic or Aroace Ash Ketchum situation where I know none of the evidence is on purpose and I'm just having fun making a conspiracy theory pinboard out of it. This is like… There's intentionality there. And I want to engage with it on its level, see what the text itself suggests. It's my personal preferred method of expressing deep respect to a text. (Not that it has to be anyone else's, obviously. This is just my way of showing I love a work.)

So yeah, I am, in general, very interested in hearing hard-fought arguments when it comes to interpreting texts. I'm glad ISAT has a lot to pick at here, and so, I will. (and since not a lot of texts ever have anywhere near this kind of depth in this arena, i don't wanna squander it… i'll try and keep my own biases as in check as i can, and already have done by hashing quite a bit of this interpretation out with two people of very different gender identities to mine. To put it mildly, binary-aligned or transfem I am very squarely Not.)

(Now that the cheese bag has been removed from the equation, I drop this framing device, sit you down at the table and begin to dredge up evidence from below it.)

Okay, so. What are my like… Core reasonings here? I think I can split it into three categories. Broadly, with an amount of overlap, so bear with me…

SIFFRIN AS A FOIL AND CONTRAST TO MIRABELLE, ISABEAU AND THE CHANGE RELIGION AS A WHOLE.

SIFFRIN'S HABITS OF CLINGING TO 'KNOWN QUANTITIES', SCAPEGOATS, AND THEMES OF RACIAL IDENTITY INTERSECTING WITH GENDER IDENTITY.

SIFFRIN, LOOP, DE-PERSONING, DEHUMANISING, APATHY AND SURVIVAL.

Okay so up top I'm going to split my argument for Siffrin's gender identity Present and Future here. This means, for now, I'm arguing for AMAB NB Siffrin alone. The transfem stuff is for later (and more for loop, in my mind, too).

I have a few direct observations of the text here that set things up. Here are the things in-game that make me assume that Siffrin, as of the start of the game, has not yet undergone any radical change to their identity in their life. Not on purpose, at least. These are ordered in a messy but logical flow, so uh, try and keep up. I'll synthesise at the end. I Prommy.

SIFFRIN AS A FOIL AND CONTRAST TO MIRABELLE, ISABEAU AND THE CHANGE RELIGION AS A WHOLE.

CHANGE & THE UNIVERSE: PERCEIVED OPPOSITES

When interacting with most objects in the Changing Room in the house, they express a genuine curiosity toward body craft. It seems they are legitimately unfamiliar with it on a deeper level than having simply heard of it.

Despite this curiosity (explicitly stating they've previously wondered about it), they dismiss it as too much work early on in the game. These points combined seem to suggest to me that they have never previously sought out any kind of real change to their appearance or identity. Either for gender reasons, or other body dysmorphia reasons. (Which, despite the dismissal, they do refer to their body as a 'meat prison', which is not particularly positive) However...

This changes in Act 3. In acts 3 and 4 they flatly state: "You're thinking about crafting your body. You seem to have all the time in the world now." While still never spoken aloud, their declining mental state corrosponds with a worn-down, almost nihilistic reckoning with the feelings they masked with the 'meat prison' joke in act 2.

[Image: Interactions with the change craft textbook in acts 2 and 3/4.]

In talking to Mirabelle, they are very self assured that one can stay the same/be comfortable with their born identity. They also seem a little unsettled by the change religion's flippancy in general, which makes sense, as they have been clinging to the famliar (even when painful) to cope with other traumas. (More on this later, section 2)

The Universe Faith appears to heavily disincentivise Wanting for oneself and other expressions of Free Will due to safeguarding against Wish craft. This seems to have impacted Siffrin's mental state majorly, even if they do not recognise it. The followers of the faith are (if Siffrin is to be believed) incentivised to 'go with the flow' and take paths of least resistance, and those that DO make big decisions will tend to justify things as being The Universe's Will. (See: The King's entire Modus Operandi, and the way Loop (and Siffrin) do the same rote actions, constructing worldviews (the play analogy, the Universe's Will) and justify that as what the Universe Would Want (despite a total lack of evidence to prove as such)) As such, it seems as if a follower of this faith as neurotic as Siffrin would be unlikely to act upon any Wants to Change Themselves without a lot of turmoil and backwards-justification. (Of note, Loop's forcible change coinciding with a dropping of pronoun. But that is again for later, section 3) As of the start of the game, they do not appear to have broached this kind of turmoil directly.

[Image: Act 5 interaction with the star journal, emphasis on it being a cautionary tale against reckless usage of wish craft, instilled so deeply to be a children's bedtime story]

Siffrin, in act 5, grows frustrated with both The Universe and The Change God, feeling abandoned by the former. They struggle with simultaneously anthropomorphising the Universe as a cruel onlooker, while also seemingly acknowledging them as a cold, almost scientific fact of nature. This would heavily imply that the 'blame' put upon the Universe by Siffrin in these moments is known to them, at least a little, to be potentially meaningless. It seems that somewhere in Siffrin's belief system is something, be it the core or merely a creeping worry, that the Universe is not a thinking, feeling, thing. And thus that their invocations of "The Universe's Will" are merely rationalisations of random chance and consequence. This is in DIRECT contrast to the Change God, proven to be an emotive sapient entity, who merely refuses to offer a helping hand. (Similar sentiments are, too, spoken by the Change God itself.)

[Images: Interacting with the window in the observatory in act 5, text from the change god meeting]

So. These are the bulk of my observations when it comes to how Siffrin is positioned in contrast to the Change Belief. It would seem to be that Siffrin, inkeeping with their role as an outsider, is a complete fish out of water in Vaugarde's change-centric world. This makes sense! It makes them a compelling foil to the Vaugardians in our cast, and allows the Vaugardians to challenge Siffrin's worldviews merely by existing. It also, more importantly, makes Siffrin an interesting lens through which to inspect our two most Change-driven characters. Mirabelle and Isabeau.

MIRABELLE.

Mirabelle and Siffrin's differing faiths are put on display the most frequently. Interactions like the circle key and the party's disbelief of Siffrin's facts about the stars make this clear. These interactions other Siffrin from the group further, and are another avenue through which Siffrin can ignore their own needs, not communicating with the party and allowing them to dismiss things he deems important.

Obviously, the friendquest is primarily about Mirabelle's struggle with her aromanticism and asexuality. But there's an implicit undercurrent of gender there too. Mirabelle has never made a big change, not like Isabeau. She has never 'changed completely', by her words. And Siffrin distinctly finds this an odd thing to be worried by. Whatever culture he carries has no pressure to explore these avenues, it seems. Siffrin is able to help her by sharing their honest opinions, that he's never felt the need to change these things, and he's happy (allegedly). Why should she?

[Image: Mirabelle's friendquest text] Siffrin is not thinking particularly hard when he first does the friendquests, they are just being themselves. By positioning Siffrin as this unchanged yet confident object, they are in the perfect position to help Mirabelle by being in her almost exact position, both sexuality and transgender status (albeit, with the caveats of potential alloromanticism, and a they pronoun), that they become her ideal foil. (And in fact, the subtle differences between their positions in canon add to this, showing a display of Perceived Genuine Truth, rather than simple in-group camaraderie)

Whereas…

ISABEAU.

When Mal du pays speaks as Isabeau, it says the following;

"I don't want to know someone who won't even try to change, who luxuriates in things staying the exact same like you do."

I don't want to know someone - Shame of being known, that's Isabeau's insecurity. Reflected back at Siffrin, who has become the worst thing imaginable to each of their friends, in Siffrin's own mind. He absorbs their insecurities like a sponge and incorporates them into himself. Empathy turned ill.

Who luxuriates in things staying the exact same - Now THAT'S interesting. This is not Isabeau's insecurity, it's Siffrin's own. But also, it appears as if, Siffrin, whom to Mirabelle was unflappable in that not changing was alright, has internalised some of her worry. That it is MDP's Isabeau saying this, though, shows this is about Personal Change, perhaps even Specifically Gender and Self Image, rather than Mirabelle's spiritual side.

Isabeau and his distinct change in personality and gender, to become someone who he actually likes… Diametric to Siffrin, who has been stagnant for a long time, presumably as far as they can remember. It would seem to imply they have no recourse against this argument. Siffin becomes, in his mind, the opposite to Isabeau, a man he deeply admires the bravery of when told the story of his Change. These are Siffrin's words against themselves, that they consider themselves to have never even 'tried' whatever it is they think Change to be.

So. These are my main points vis a vis: Siffrin as a foil. This reading would posit that Siffrin's He/They status is, well, almost accidental? Which I would imagine befitting of them. They are, at the start of the game, still the mysterious rogue who never elaborates upon anything. They aren't going to be correcting a they/them from a teammate who is likely far more cautious about assumptions.

Notably, Mirabelle excludes Siffrin from the label "man" in the bathroom monologues… But as does Siffrin when in the prologue poem room. Though one needs remember, Siffrin only expresses these thoughts internally.

[Image: Bathroom conversation featuring Isabeau identified as the party's singular man]

[Image: Prologue!Siffrin expressing that they are not a man in very certain terms.]

While I do wonder what Mirabelle's knowledge (or lack thereof, potentially! Did Siffrin actually divulge this to her, once? Or is she making assumptions again?) is here, this is pretty clear evidence that Siffrin doesn't see themselves As A Man. (that, and Adrienne's word of god "fella" comments). I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this… but.

The thesis here is, that Siffrin may want to explore their gender further; doesn't feel connected to Masculinity, and yet, keeps that He pronoun around? Well, the Universe does not, in Siffrin's mind, really allow for personal wants and desires. If their friends start they/themming them, then cool. They like it, but never requested it, so it's the Universe's will. But, asking? Making decisions and requests and rocking the boat? That seems to scare Siffrin a lot. It seems to scare them so much it causes a lot of, if not all of, the conflict in the game. I feel like it's a fair deduction that this aversion to humour their own desires pervades a lot of their existence.

Plus, I think there's meat there. By only allowing Siffrin to reckon with any potential desires to change only after growing closer with the family, you get to explore things like "How does Mirabelle feel that even the person who said she didn't have to change is changing." and the slightly less potentially harrowing (OR MORE, IF YOU WANT IT TO BE? IDK. I'M NOT YOUR BOSS.) "Isa's continued changing allows Siffrin a space to explore it, maybe even just by proxy, or maybe by joining them."

But mostly, this section is about how Siffrin not having Changed Yet makes them delightfully strong narratively; allowing them to relate to Mirabelle, and get cold feet when comparing themselves to Isabeau. I love this as a narrative strengthener. It's very rare in media that we get to explore a nonbinary character's thoughts and insecurities on whether or not they're "doing enough" to be nonbinary. Even less so Aligned nonbinary people. And reading that alignment and insecurity through the lens of a nonbinary person not fully disconnected from their assigned gender at birth? It's a very compelling exploration of a very common and raw and yet underdiscussed feeling, much like the rest of ISAT. I think this is an extremely potent element should it be read this way, and is only strengthened when taking Siffrin's other themes into account.

Speaking of which.

2. SIFFRIN'S HABITS OF CLINGING TO 'KNOWN QUANTITIES', SCAPEGOATS, AND THEMES OF RACIAL IDENTITY INTERSECTING WITH GENDER IDENTITY.

HOLDING ON TO WHAT YOU KNOW. (OR KNOW THAT YOU DO NOT.)

I explained above many of my thoughts on the Universe Faith, and trying to keep these two sections separate was difficult, but needed to be done for the sake of clarity. But this section and the above are deeply intertwined.

Siffrin… Holds on to the things they know. They do not know much. But man do they fucking hold. And yet, paradoxically, they are also avoidant about it.

It is made clear in the text, to the point where I really don't feel the need to rehash it here, that Siffrin's disconnection from their homeland is incredibly painful, but that they consider that culture utterly and irreplaceably important to them. They cannot face it, it is too painful. They cannot let it go, it is too important.

Knowing what we know of the Island's irl inspirations (though, word of god, the exact location is not supposed to matter, one can infer it from the text (and I did! within reasonable proximity!)), Siffrin is of an indigenous peoples of some description, more than likely. And at the very least, Siffrin carries with them inherent biases and ignorances that show that Vaugarde's conceptions of things don't quite mesh with their own. Bowing to the Vaugardian way of things could very easily be seen as assimilation, in this way.*

And identity? Gender? Presentation? Role? All of that has a cultural element. There's no telling what specifics Siffrin has lost in that arena, and that's the problem. Neither do they. How paralysing, the feeling, to know that should you change yourself you risk unknowingly erasing another piece of home? I wouldn't blame them for locking it off. Keeping their old clothes, keeping what little they can remember of themselves… It doesn't seem to me a conducive or safe mental space to get experimental.

And the Universe makes for a perfect scapegoat. As referenced in the section above, a lot can be justified should you call it "The Universe's Will", because who's there to call you on it? Hardly anyone. Your divine right to Freeze A Place In Time; Your Deserved Punishment for Wanting to be Loved: All of it the Universe-- If you want it to be. And thusly, if the Universe wanted you to be a certain way, wouldn't you already be? Wouldn't it make you so? (Wouldn't it take away your body, that which makes you human? If that is what it thought of you?) So best to put it out of your mind. Wouldn't want to accidentally wish anything.

But as the game itself puts it, personified by The King, you cannot stay mired like this forever. As Loop themselves puts it, they can "get so fixated, sometimes." At some point they need to allow themselves to grow in whatever direction they need, because in the end, they need to live their life. They don't need to abandon their country, their culture, but they can't let it restrain them either.

(* MASSIVE CAVEAT: im white as fuck boyyy. i cant say shit. im like technically Of The Land im like 90% pictish or something ridiculous like that so my particular line has never moved anywhere but. this is notttt something i have input or insight on. this is all gleaned from reading and listening to indiginous perspectives from wherever they may be. i am simply trying to infer from what the game gives us without inserting my own feelings on the matter.)

3. SIFFRIN, LOOP, DE-PERSONING, DEHUMANISING, APATHY AND SURVIVAL.

Alright, here's some less heady and purely-thematic points to round things out. And where we'll also address the fucked up star being in the room; Loop.

My last couple of reading points are the most potentially-transfem to me. Or at least the ones that really hammer home, to me, a seeming lack of want to be masculine-aligned.

ANOTHER NOTE ON THE 'NOT A GUY' THING.

Obviously, there is the aforementioned "Not a man/not that you're a boy" thing. This is rather straightforward, but also still pretty ambiguous. You can be masc-aligned and still Not A Guy. But it does seem to be of note that being a guy very much does not seem to be a goal of Siffrin's. I would posit this in direct contrast to… Isabeau.

But not Isabeau's masculinity. I would instead hold it up against Isa's femininity.

ISAT, as a text, has its characters have genuinely different levels of security in their gender identity, and Isabeau, despite still having insecurities, seems super chill on the gender angle specifically! Their internal strife comes not from their 'not feeling like a man enough' or 'hating being a woman', but instead from their self perception as a friendless nerd! Something that seems to be only tangentially related to Isa's gender, really?

The big dumb bruiser thing is certainly aided by being a dude, but Isa still seems completely comfortable referring to themselves with feminine language, calling himself a "mother hen" (prologue) and having "the heart of a fair maiden" (cookie snack time). (However, they also take being excluded from Mira's girly book club as a surprised compliment, implying they weren't expected to be excluded, and find it affirming.) And even further so, Isa states they want to continue changing further and exploring their identity more, being rather blatant that they might lean back into femininity (and more importantly, let themselves be outwardly smart again), since they're starting to feel hurt by everyone assuming they ARE genuinely stupid.

[Image: Prologue Isa calling himself a mother hen]

And man, this is such a breath of fresh air vis a vis representation. I don't think I really need to explain that. A character who's gender identity is driven by chasing euphoria, even if it started out by trying to drive out misery. Isabeau's character is so damn good. But this essay isn't about him, so get back in the crate, boy.

... So here we have Isa, who is genuinely comfortable reclaiming things about their birth gender, and Mirabelle who loves her traditionally feminine traits to the point where she feels a little guilty that she isn't rejecting them to foster change. And then we have Siffrin… who seems to reject masculine language…? Hrm… (… And then we have The King. A Masculine Title. Someone who Siffrin increasingly sees themselves in and deeply, deeply dislikes this.)

APATHY AND SURVIVAL

It should be clear by now that I see Siffrin's core character as being driven by avoidance and survival. This seems to lead to a lot of apathy, brushing off emotions that are too intense or events and occurences that are too painful. (See: just absolutely everything with Bonnie)

It's all Siffrin really seems to be able to do to Survive. They've travelled, seemingly alone, for what would be around a decade by what the game says about the island's disappearance. They've lived alone on the road as a traveller in a country that so openly welcomes strangers that THE KING and his whole motives can happen. Siffrin is avoidant and refuses to acknowledge problems or strive for help and comfort.

So. That line about the dress. Let's unpack the line(s) about the dress.

THE DRESS LINE, AND THE WAY IT CHANGES BETWEEN PROLOGUE, ACT 2, AND ACT 3.

Good god where to start with this. Full disclosure, the first draft here was way more vague in how I approached this line because I remembered it (and another line, I'll get to it.) way more tame, but going and getting the screenshots..... Siffrin. Buddy. We gotta unpack this.

In act 2, we have "You haven't worn a dress in forever!". This is a neutral, if seemingly a little joyous statement. All we really glean from this is the information that Siffrin at some point, wore 'a' dress. No real inferences there. (Maybe you could say that the singular as opposed to plural makes it more likely that they borrowed/only owned One Dress rather than owned several? But that's a massive stretch...)

Then, act 3/4 shuffles this off into a more general "You wonder if you'll ever wear different clothes again." Which is a more despairing and distant statement. Considering Siffrin seems to travel with only the items they can carry, and owns sleep clothes... It's unclear how many changes of clothing they have. The party seems to consider the cloak a pretty permanent fixture, anyhow. But this line doesn't really say much aside from 'oh god i'm losing myself to the time loop malaise'

NOW THE PROLOGUE. Prologue Sif, buddy, pal, Loop, if I'm allowed to call you that....

Thousands of loops in. We are wistful for specifically dresses. You've forgotten almost everything. You dream about someday seeing the sun again. To be anywhere but here. You want to wear a dress again.

I. Kind of do not know what to do here but point at it. Like I said, my first draft had me half-remembering the progression of this line and as such I was far more vague on what I thought it could imply. Instead this is just straight up yearning.

To, try and segue back to what I had initially written, we'll pick up here...

Siffrin expresses a want to wear other clothes, explore changing their body... But instead, they wear a ratty old form-covering cloak that keeps them warm and safe and is a last reminder of home. They are shapeless, formless, hiding their face under the brim of a wide hat. They do not voice their desire to wear a dress aloud. They once again, keep a desire to themselves, because they do not allow themselves to want publicly. Apathy is safer. Apathy and quiet means you do not risk retribution or hurt.

While I do not think the above is exclusively a transfeminine feeling, it really, really reads like one when taken part and parcel with assuming Siffrin has denied themselves prior exploration.

... And here I have to break my first draft again. I was being, once again, restrained in my reading when writing this. Because I had convinced myself I had maybe straight up imagined one of the lines I was basing my reads on, because I couldn't find it. Because it was a line that read so strikingly desolate to me that my brain had slotted it in during Act Five, meaning when I went looking for it neither me nor my friends could find it.

It's in acts 3 and 4. It's a line I already brought up.

"You're thinking about crafting your body. You seem to have all the time in the world now."

good fucking christ. sorry to break the academic tone but Jimminy Fucking Willikers, Siffrin. What's with that bit. The resignation and despair and guilty comfort we know the timeloop brings them, bleeding into the gender.

This. *taps my finger harshly on my desk* THIS, this feels transfem. this feels so wildly transfem to me. The knowledge that they've never changed before this line lends. The admission that they've been holding back because it's 'too much work'. I spent a lot of time during the game relating Siffrin not to myself but to my friends.

If I'm honest, really, truly, I'm not all too often in Siffrin's shoes. I'm the stable one, of my group. I'm the rock people ground themselves on. And I see so much hesitance, all the time. Denial of joy because what if it's taken away, again? Or futilely out of reach? It hurts more to try, and to fail, than to never try at all.

I wanted to shake Siffrin by the shoulders this whole game. Grit teeth beg them to accept help because for fuck's sake people are clearly offering it get it through your skull--

*coughs* Ah. Ahem. Right. The uh, academic tone.

Right. What I mean to say is, this read as transfem to me because of the way it relates to real-world experiences of denial. And this combo of the Dress line, and the progression of the Meat Prison line, the constant evidence of never having strived for what they want, and that insistance that you're not a man, seem to dislike being percieved as a man, but not being able to shed the outward signifiers?

Individually, yes, these points can be read in different ways. The total opposite ways, even, I'm sure! But as a gestalt it feels really, really transfem. Even if yeah, sure Vaugarde is a magical setting where being transgender is accepted, and this hesitance, specifically, around gender, might not 'make sense' in 'the lore'...

Diegesis isn't everything. Sometimes something that reflects a real-world feeling is important, even if it doesn't 'mesh' with 'the lore' of the world.

TANGENT: DIEGESIS AND READING INTO NON-REAL-WORLD-SETTINGS.

This is a Watsonian vs Doylist spectre that's been haunting this whole argument. In-universe (Watsonian), Vaugarde has seemingly no discrimination between genders, sexualities, and a lackadaisical approach to most things in the arena. Reading our own patriarchal/heterosexual/amanonormative/perisexist society unto it does not make sense, not in this context.

In the real world, however (Doylist), ISAT is a text made in our prejudiced society. A text that is distinctly flavoured by those bigotries which it is kicking back against. Because of this, it is not the whole story to simply read the text while discarding our real-world-informed inferences. Isabeau is a big example of this. While perfectly accepted in Vaugarde, he is very obviously a revolutionary character in our real-world space! He has so much to say, specifically BECAUSE things about him that are not readily accepted here, are accepted there! Same with Mira's struggles, and yes, Siffrin's too.

ISAT was written with the knowledge of how it would play against our real world in mind, we know this, clearly, from many an interview. This is most present in how it engages with asexuality and aromanticism (and immigrant identity), but make no mistake, it influences the Whole Text.

Ergo, just because I view certain writing choices here in the context of Our Real World Perspectives On Gender and not Vaugarde's In-Universe Perspectives, it does not make them an invalid read. They are simply a Doylist read.

There's been an admittedly loosey-goosey lack of delineation here between things I'm reading with either lens, because for the most part all of these points have been a vague synthesis of both that I can't quite decouple. Unprofessional, I know, but I'll admit to not having written my thoughts down like this in a good long while. Usually I just hash this out verbally over discord voice to a small number of weirdo literature and classics student friends who are willing to humour me. I'm an arts student too, but animation hardly required I actually write an essay to a literature degree's standard. Lol.

DE-PERSONING. AND LOOP. OH JESUS . LOOP .

Siffrin de-persons themselves a lot. I say de-person rather than dehumanise because, well, there's a subtle difference there. Siffrin doesn't see themselves as vermin or an animal or an object, but they do seem to see themselves as lesser, not requiring the respect they grant others. They aren't, you know, a 'real person'.

People get to have things like thoughts and wants and identities. Siffrin is, at best, Just Siffrin. They have what they have and they don't ask for more and they don't (CAN'T) feel too strongly on what they do have!

When Loop at first offers their pronouns they offer the Royal 'We'. This is at least a little bit, a joke. A nudge toward their true identity, a potential dig at themselves for becoming so understanding of The King. Mostly though, a joke on the first thing…. and a sign that they do not see themselves as a separate entity to the Siffrin stood before them.

When Siffrin rejects this, they settle for they/them. Loop drops the he/him, presumably partially to cover their tracks, but… They just showed their hand with the 'Royal We', and if you wanted to go even further with this, there's no way for us to know whether Loop is treating this pronoun as singular or not. They presumably are, but it is still a potentially plural pronoun.

Loop… Clearly does not see themselves as a person. It's, I would say, a completely reasonable assumption that the form they have taken reflects implicit feelings toward themselves as less than a person, an actor, a monster, a tool, a means to an end. They are rendered inhuman by The Universe, frivolous distractions removed. No mouth, inventory and clothes confiscated, nothing between the legs. Formed roughly in the shape of a person to allow them to do their only job: Help.

Loop's body does not make logical sense, given their continued ability to sleep, dream and their continued habit of deep breaths to self-soothe. It would seem to me, it was made in the image it was, with only the tools it needed to Help Siffrin. Why obfuscate their identity? Because giving the game away too early would likely make them lose hope. Why so deeply, thoroughly star themed? An instant signal, that even if a stranger, they are an ally. They are home.

[Image: Loop saying that they take naps and dream, and evidence of Loop habitually attempting to breathe in the twohats lose-to-loop ending]

And they… Degender themselves. No longer with any bodily signifiers of masculinity, and cruelly disallowed the ability to hide themselves beneath fabric, they are null. The spoiler Q&A (paratext, as it were) states that:

Q. Is Loop: 1. Actually comfortable with both he and they, but only gave the one pronoun to emphasize the distance? 2. Only using they/them because a large life event led to a shift in identity/ how they’d like to be perceived? or 3. time lops stole he from they they :( A. Mostly that first one. But all three of those reasons have a bit of truth to them.

While the 'mostly the first one' comment does imply that Loop would not baulk at being he/him'd (similar to how Siffrin does not), the other reasons, especially the second, having 'a bit of truth' does lend credence to this reading. That Loop's self-perception has shifted, and what I posit, is that this shift is in tandem with a disconnection with humanity. Due, presumably, to the dehumanising experience of the timeloop.

Loop has no biology to speak of, and yet they remain blind in one eye. I take this as an implication that they considered this so core to themselves, to who they could remember being, that it stayed. Even if they had forgotten their own face, trapped in a part of the house with no mirrors, they knew they couldn't see. They kept this, and yet seemingly they, or The Universe, or both of them in tandem, discarded all else.

This isn't like…. Healthy behaviour. That is for certain. But it is interesting that Siffrin and Loop seem to hold on to their masculinity by a thread, and that Loop, when actually given the excuse to make a choice, chooses the Neutral Option. Siffrin might de-person themselves, but Loop, Loop is absolutely dehumanising themselves. From Loop's own mouth (or lack thereof) do they call themselves a Corpse. That's… pretty damn bad.

TANGENT 2: POTENTIAL IMPLICATIONS OF THE JAPANESE TRANSLATION.

Did somebody say 'distance'? Yeah turns out that has some more potential evidence. In the form of First Person Pronouns. See, English, with its third person only pronouns relies on others to gender you. Japanese, you get to gender yourself. And Siffrin specifically has an interesting discrepancy in the way he refers to himself.

(DISCLAIMER: I . DO NOT KNOW MUCH ABOUT JAPANESE. THIS IS SECOND-HAND KNOWLEDGE. SOURCED FROM THIS TUMBLR POST AND OTHER QUICK SKIMS OF WIKIPEDIA)

Loop and Siffrin use the same, very neutral "mostly male but could go either way" pronoun of 僕 boku. Safe, soft friendly pronoun. Used by people on the younger side of adulthood, not so impolite that you can't use it in a formal setting. Such a neutral all-rounder that female singers in japan tend to use boku in their songs to relate to the audience with quiet confidence.

And in their internal monologue? Siffrin uses a completely different pronoun. In his head, for himself, he uses 自分 jibun. Now, this may be an artefact of the monologue's english second-person "You", since jibun can also be used to mean a very neutral "self". A "myself/herself/himself" type 'self'. But when used as a first person pronoun, it has a connotation of being… distant, introspective. Which is… a fascinating implication, if that was the intent.

But I don't know anything about japanese so ! If I'm off the mark, discard this!

LOOP, PART 2: MAYBE NOT A GREAT STATE TO BE IN.

While Siffrin I can comfortably argue that they can like, keep their current gender presentation, whatever you may perceive it to be, once the game is over, Loop, I cannot.

Siffrin's potential issues with their identity are ones that honestly feel like they would best be explored with gentle refinement and searching. They don't need to violently seperate themselves from what they are now, far from it, in fact. They need to learn to grow comfortable in their own skin, and with the people they love. To become open and trusting, with an open mind to where it may lead.

Loop has already lost this battle. They don't get to refine anymore, just pick up the pieces. While I don't necessarily think radical change is Good for Loop, I think they may Need It. For them, resting will probably become stagnation (see: napping all day under the tree, resigned, really, to the idea they're stuck there forever.), they need a shake-up in order to re-find their feet. Even if they end up right back where they started, they still need to do the actual painful process of soul-searching first.

Problem is, they're still rather avoidant. So it basically becomes a question of getting them into a situation where this exploration is forced upon them. At which point, that's a whole new plotline. This becomes fanfiction. Hence, why while I think Transfem-Egg Loop is a Valid Read when extrapolated from Siffrin… I must concede any actual adventures into them acting upon that as headcanon territory. I just do not know how you would get them there without making a whole new Thing, at which point it stops being Just A Read of the text haha. It doesn't help that Loop and Siffrin (grudgekeepers supreme) both have reason to spite the Change God after who was phone.

As for whether this egg-read reflects directly back on to Siffrin? Maybe! They are the same person. But I think that, especially with Vaugarde's lax views, and their actual differences (Loop's general worse mania // Siffrin's incentive to stay a reminder to themselves and Loop of their country) means they could easily go two different routes, along the road to becoming their own distinct individuals. (And in all honesty, growing into their differences is probably the more healthy option in the long run if you're keeping Loop around? But again, we are going so far into the future here this is no longer a read. And I am not here to dispense baseless headcanons without massive disclaimer, so…)

Tl;Dr:

Siffrin's Survival-Apathy and hesitance to change feels really thematic to their being 'what's left' of their homeland

They seem unsettled by the flippancy of the Change Religion at times, clinging to the familiar to cope with the trauma of displacement.

Mal du pays speaks of them that they have not 'tried' to change, showing an insecurity there, even outside of the literal stagnance of the loops.

They are self assured to Mira that one does not have to change, in a very genuinely personal impulsive statement.

They and others exclude themselves from being "A Man", but Siffrin keeps desires to explore their expression to themselves.

The Universe belief, seemingly in Siffrin's view of it, disincentivises Free Will and Wants very heavily. It is not hard to assume they extend this to all elements of their life.

They have self-admittedly never pursued tangible change, likely due to this aversion to choice. Despite this, they express interest in changing, seeming nonplussed with their body, and house at least some desire for more traditionally feminine expression.

Oh Good God. Loop Sure Does Not Treat Themselves Like A Person. Why Does That Come With A Pronoun Change? What Does That Mean?

But most of all:

It makes them such a fascinating foil and lens to Change and characters who believe in it! It makes them eerily similar to The King! It opens up such fascinating debate between characters like themselves and Mirabelle, Isabeau and Loop, on whether or not they want to change in future, or if it truly is okay to never radically change yourself! What genuinely fertile ground for dialogues. And man if I'm not heavily drawn towards dialogues.

(End of essay! Congratulations for making it the whole way! 🎉 I hope this nightmarish deep dive helps with understanding some of the ways I've been writing Siffrin and Loop too. Since while I've not ever focused on the gender side of it (and probably won't in comic form) this does pervade my view of the two, since it would be impossible for it to Not. As you can see, I do think it is pretty relevant to both their themes.)

(Now for some bonus material)

ADDENDUMS:

PERSONAL BIAS NOTE:

Not included in this analysis since this is more a Pet Theme of my own (usually kept quarantined to the realms of my OCs), but something else I see in Siffrin is a reflection of the Dude Issue(tm) of patriarchal irl society disincentivisng Dudes(tm) from ever fucking introspecting ever.

I'm curious about nonbinary/trans characters who have no idea they’re nonbinary/trans because they’ve been disincentivised from thinking/doubting their identity due to societal power structures or simply tradition. I dig around the themes of “a lot of guys are trapped in a societal prison without ever knowing and it makes them miserable but they can’t escape because they don’t even see the cage” like, a lot, in my personal work. It intrigues me. So bleh, cards on the table there. That mode of interacting with nb/trans characters is one I'm inclined to.

This kinda goes hand in hand with the watsonian vs doylist situation i took an aside to mention. But it is so far along the doylist side that I didn't want to include it, since it is a little too assumptive of the text for my comfort. I don't think the game necessarily has much commentary on this specific Societal Bind. But if it does, then hey, there's my thoughts on it.

STRAY SIDE NOTES AND HEADCANONS ABOUT OTHER CHARACTERS (AS A TREAT FOR GETTING THIS FAR):

MID-GAME OBSERVATION ABOUT BONNIE AND ODILE THAT I NEVER WENT BACK TO VERIFY:

I got the impression that Bonnie heavily favours they/them pronouns for Siffrin, and Odile he/him, as a bit of presumed character voice. I don't know that I am right, literally at all, in that observation, because it very well could've been confirmation bias.

BUT! It did give me the impression that one of the things Bonnie was idolising about Siffrin was a degree of "wow!! older person with my gender!! wow!!", which is just like, cute. I like it even if I don't have any solid evidence.

ODILE, WHAT'S HER DEAL?:

Oh she stays just as mysterious as she intends to be, huh? Even with her comments in the Changing Room alluding to knowing things about underground changing operations, you can't draw much of a conclusion about her. I appreciate verily that she's word-of-god unlabelled and also poly. That shit's great. Woman who has stopped drawing lines or caring what she's up against. Nice characterisation flavour I think.

Anyway, I do think that transfem Odile is a really, really nice take. I have no evidence in either direction for her in either direction, and her being a woman of any description makes her relationship with her absent mother something interesting to chew on, but the idea that she pursued womanhood intentionally lends an interesting texture. I've not much to say, but it's a thread to pull on. Makes you wonder what other female role models she had in her life instead. Anyway she's mysterious as fuck I can't extrapolate Jack nor Squat. Shrug! I'm also made curious by the idea of her potentially moving away from womanhood as she feels the weight of her history lifted. This goes either way, really. Diagnosis: mysterious.

HEADCANON NOTE: INTERSEX SIFFRIN

I don't have any in-text support for this so this entire thing is an unbased headcanon to me. but i DO like it because 1. fun and 2. potential for more thematic exploration

haha gotcha its fuckin themes again. its always themes with me.

But yeah. Not much to say here besides drawing a parallel (that I believe I've seen drawn elsewhere in the fandom already?) between ISAT's comments on how a society that values change would view Aroace identities, and how Mira feels about not wanting to change with the real world experiences of Intersex people having alteration and conformity forced upon them, saying the Change Belief would likely be just as bad for them as it is for aroace people.

So, adding it to Siffrin's situation further drags them into the opposition-to-change foil role. Which like I said, think has a lot to explore.

HEADCANON NOTE: A POTENTIAL METHOD FOR GETTING LOOP OUT OF THEIR GOD DAMNED COMFORT ZONE

I think utilising Loop's contrarianism is an effective and funny way to get them to explore their gender. I personally think running with them trying to hide their identity from the party is a hilarious way to do it. Having them try to position themselves in direct opposition to Siffrin to "throw the party off their trail" (not that i think they really need to?), going full feminine-revealing-clothing because it's NOT what a Siffrin would do and accidentally growing accustomed to it. Funny to me. Especially when the party eventually do find out who they are and go . "????? what was the girl stuff about ??? is that something you wanna do now ???".

[Isabeau] "Ohhhh it was a bit! Haha you really are Sif, still a jokester!" [Loop] "HAHA YEAH . JOKES. LOVE THOSE. LOVE TO MAKE JOKES!" [Isabeau] "Yep! Anyway. Tell me if you need anything!"

Bonus bonus:

[Siffrin] "Okay, so, if you're a girl. Does this reflect on like… me?" [Loop] "No doubles. Get your own gender, parasite~!"

[canisalbus]

I found your art like right before you started featuring Vasco more prominently in the lore, and seeing the focus shift from "This sad wet cat of a dog man priest is doomed by the narrative" to "this sad wet cat of a dog man priest has a sunshiny gay lover who is his world" has been a fun trip lol

.

[stil-lindigo]

the candle.

a comic about rediscovering passion and recovering from burnout.

creative notes:

[lunarin64art]

That feeling when he can't stand to see you that way, no matter what you do, no matter what you say😩😭💔

[sunforgrace]

dean in season 13: if someone stole my car i would kill them dead.

dean the season prior when cas stole the colt hidden under dean’s pillow in his room and is passenger to kelly peeling tf out of there in the impala because he asked dean for the keys and dean gave them to him: he’s been having a rough time sam.

[skrunksthatwunk]

sorry just watched all of lacey's games (thru rabbit hole at time of writing) and i wanna talk about laceys diner can we talk about lacey's diner? we're talking about it now

tl;dr lacey's games is about the presentation and consumption of girls.

cw suicide, csa, incest, cannibalism. if you've seen the series, you know. i only speak of them vaguely here though

in lacey's diner her livelihood depends on how well people like her food, how it looks, how it tastes, how quickly she gets it to them on time. if any of these things falter, they reject her and reinforce her desperation (trauma around failure and acceptance + threat of extreme poverty via the restaurant closing).

eating her food is accepting her, choosing to be with her in some way. lacey gets eaten in the prior episode so her stalker can be with her forever, out of an obsession with her (/her body) that leads him to destroy her to better possess and consume her (like her uncle). she can't be late serving them herself, because that's not good presentation—her inability to get food out on time is a reflection of her flaws, and a cause to reject her. she must be available for others, punctual. she can't put the wrong ingredients in—elements of herself, her life—she must exclude them entirely from the part they eat, the part she gives away. she keeps the part that is filled with the disgusting, ugly, painful things in her life, about her.

and when she gets fed up and feeds those raw, authentic parts of herself to them (out of spite, tired of trying her best to no avail, to give them a taste of their own medicine), she is punished, not allowed to serve anyone again bc it's too gross and dangerous. she is punished for lashing out, for not keeping it all bottled up, and in her helplessness, resigns herself to death.

as seen in rabbit hole, jay was too boyish to be consumed happily by the audience (the mothers in the emails), so she was killed off and effectively haunts lacey. if she is not presentable enough, she too will be destroyed and discarded. if she is too presentable, she will be consumed too completely. she has no control, no say (as we know from lacey's wardrobe), no agency outside of pretending she's in a sparkly dreamy world. and jay—who said she would rather die than wear makeup—is forced by lacey to wear makeup in death. she's fixing her by making her conform to the same gender standards she's strangled by, saying that if she was less boyish she wouldn't have died. again, femininity and conformity (and thus being pleasant to others, presenting oneself to be admired and consumed) is safe to lacey, something she must perform to survive. yet, of course, lacey is hurt immensely for her being a girl, for her being a woman, and for her trauma resulting from those events.

all her talk of being ugly when she's grieving, of almost crying in front of him (her uncle iirc), of needing to be pretty even for the people who abuse and hurt her... and how she wished the world was ugly and grotesque when jay died because that was how it felt, but it was just sunny and oblivious. she was the one standing out for being upset, and the world was pretending and consumable and she couldn't anymore. she had to scrape herself together though because what else is there? when her job and stability and life is at stake, how can she afford to be traumatized? to not pretend, even when she's alone? augh. ough. look i just like lacey. i want her to be ok

i don't know that lacey herself is supposed to have a linear, consistent story. i kind of think she's an avatar for like,, girlhood suffering and trauma, and the traumatized people who come from that (hence her dying in multiple ways and coming back). perhaps as rocio's way of warning or comforting girls who went through similar things to her, or to vent her own issues because the thought of making something that's such a farce, such a forced, gussied up version of what it's like to be a girl, bothers her. the audience comes to the website to consume lacey at her best, at her most presentable, and are instead met with the harsh reality of cockroaches and used condoms. and yet, the audience of lacey games the video series consumes her too, only they are seeking out her trauma, trying to invade her mind and pick it apart. we're all consuming what we want, whatever we find appetizing, of lacey. and for rocio, you get the sense that she is also a tool, a way for rocio to express her inner distress. in that, lacey is put through all this unfortunate shit by rocio to make her more presentable and consumable to her. we are all using lacey, we all see her and eat her and destroy her. and she comes back to us and her cage because the pain's comforting in its familiarity.

in short, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. 👍

[akkivee]

I DIDNT FORGET WHOSE SPECIAL DAY IT IS THO HAPPY BIRTHDAY SASARA 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

[cluescorner]

I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc

[waddles-ex-machina]

Hiiii! So, I just started interacting with the fandom I realized there's a lot of Johanna x Kaisa shippers (Sketchbook is the name ship?), and I wanted to know what's the appeal of the ship cus it never occurred to me to ship them lmao

Anyway, all in good faith! Thank you if you answer it, but it's fine if you don't!

Hello! Welcome to the fandom!

That’s a totally fair question, I’ve been a sketchbook shipper for years so to be honest shipping them is just second nature to me now, but let me uhhh try and remember some of my (and the rest of the fandom’s) reasoning. gonna put this under a cut bc it got kind of long I’m sorry 😭

Soo my favourite reason and the thing I never shut up about is that Johanna and Kaisa fulfill VASTLY different roles in Hilda’s life and in the show itself - Johanna is coded to be this very safe stable character for Hilda who isn't all that into her adventures (I know she breaks out of this image later in the show, but it’s still a big part of her character. like. for the most part she just wants some peace at home with a cup of tea please) and Kaisa is there specifically to enable Hilda’s adventures and point her at the dangerous thing. and character dynamic-wise, this is just. very funny. POV you’re a single mother just trying to see her child to the next birthday and the weird lady at the library keeps giving her books that can raise the dead. they’re at such odds by design that it sets up a ton of potential for how they could start off on the wrong foot (enemies to lovers babeyy) or have to try and meet each-other in the middle. and they’re both involved enough in Hilda’s life that it really feels like only a matter of time til they get thrown together by one of Hilda’s shenanigans

also, design and personality-wise they have an “opposites attract” kind of vibe I think? for instance Johanna is outwardly very friendly and a bit of a people-pleaser, but takes absolutely no shit when Hilda is in danger, and Kaisa puts up this dark mysterious persona, but deep down is quite insecure and anxious (and also more caring than she lets on - you can tell she’s also got a bit of a soft spot for Hilda when the kid isn’t actively trying to steal swords) so it’s fun to imagine how Johanna and Kaisa’s personalities could play off each-other when they have such different outward appearances but are more similar deep-down.

Theres also some fun angst reasons off the top of my head:

Johanna has had absolutely nothing but bad experiences with magic and Kaisa is an actual witch, and is partially responsible for some of those experiences (tide mice, etc). you can spin like 1 million scenarios out of this and people already have and it's great bdhsgdjh

Johanna has spent most of her life being abandoned by the people she trusts (her parents, Anders) and Kaisa has been shown to (unwillingly) shut people out and withdraw for fear of not being good enough. You could read them as both having difficulty trusting and maybe being able to help eachother through their insecurities together

to steal a very good point I saw @the-hilda-librarians-wife make a while ago, they’re both outcasts in their respective communities - Johanna struggles to fit in with the other parents and isn’t shown really having any friends in the show, and Kaisa gave up being a ‘proper’ witch to be the keeper of the books, and the other witches clearly look down on her as a result. They lead vastly different lives, but do have similarities that they could connect over and support each-other through.

ALSO - now we know Johanna is also magical and lost a part of herself from having her memory wiped - there is that potential for them to find the things that they’ve been missing in eachother. Kaisa deals with all kinds of magic shenanigans as her day job and could arguably do with some peace and someone to lean on, but she isn’t shy about magic/danger/any other weirdness. Johanna has an adventurous side that was repressed along with her childhood memories for years that still feels very distant to her. They could help bring these things out in each-other and bring a bit of balance to each-other’s lives.

And, coming back to what I said about them having different roles in the show, it’s just very fun to picture them as a co-parenting duo for Hilda. normal mom & chaotic mom. Hilda would be absolutely unstoppable

Finally, imo Kaisa is absolutely a lesbian (years ago I made a joke post on here saying smth like “did the Hilda team know they were making a wlw icon here” and someone from the team replied with “yes” JDKHSJ) and I’ve been in the fandom long enough to know the effect that Johanna has on those, I rest my case 😌

I hope that explains it kind of!! also if anyone else has any other points to make for why they like the ship feel free to add on!!

[essektheylyss]

It took me like two hours to process that Caleb's description of dunamis actually was somewhat new information and then go back to grab the transcription because, uh, both "form of magic that exists between the fabric of all of forces of power" and "one of the oldest and most fundamental forces" are far more confidently firm descriptions than we ever got in campaign 2.

Was I actually roughly correct about what dunamis was??? HELLO???

VINDICATION?!?!

[angelmichelangelo]

my initial thoughts of tales of the teenage mutant ninjas turtles below the cut, don’t read if you’ve not already watched the show cos SPOILERS!!

off the bat i think this show is really good fun and overall i think i can say i enjoyed it! the style is good, the writing is just as easy and as realistic as the movie. each of the turtles do shine here in their own individual way. but alas if do have my gripes i wanted to share.

not so sure if anything that actually happens in this series is… even canon? maybe im just dumb but with the whole “leo making a comic book” and “raph dramatising a story for a school project” thing it’s not so clear as to whether the events in the series with bishop and the east river 3 are even real ?? kinda disappointing if not cos that’s honestly just as lame as “and it was all a dream!!” kind of endings you find in like. middle school creative writing homework.

also. just gonna say this now. splinter. if they couldn’t have gotten jackie chan back or gotten someone that at least sounds like him, i kind of wish they’d removed him entirely from the plot because raph doing the voice over for him in the entire second half of the series was. OOF. it really pulled me from the immersion especially when there was some really strong character moments from him, but it’s… raph? speaking in a gruff voice ?? for some reason? not sure what happened with jackie chan and whether they wrote all his scenes BEFORE they maybe realised he wasn’t coming back to voice him but… yeah. could have just gotten another va and made a gag that he had a cold or something rather than… whatever that whole thing was. i didn’t like it, sorry. pulled me out of the stronger moments for that character which was a shame.

i really liked the whole separated storyline. tmnt rarely does that and it plays no favourites in getting each of the boys to shine individually within their own arcs and play out their own strengths and weaknesses and their brothers own strengths !! and then a little reunion at the factory, especially raph and leo’s hug. very precious :D

but then… the second half of the series is that.. again?? feels kind of a waste of time to redo what we JUST saw. turtles separated (this time with a mutanimal) and have to think like the others to get out of a tough spot and then boom huggy happy reunion time. which brings us to like 2 whole episodes out of 12 where the turtles actually are all on screen interacting with one another…

i had the same issue with mutant mayhem that, whilst they are good characters in a group and alone, there’s never any like. closer interactions. aside from like, the leo raph hug or when raph gives mikey a noogie affectionately in the first episode, there’s never like any one to one interactions that makes it feel all that more believable to me. don’t get me wrong, ive been asking for a mikey centric episode where he gets to shine for YEARS now and we finally got it!! but in the words of rise donnie… something they feel more like roommates rather than brothers just because their interactions are so sparse and far between. that’s just how i feel so take it with a pinch of salt.

i feel like they tempered the whole leo april thing which, for me, isn’t really a big deal. she’s more like an sister to the guys in my opinion but if you were hoping for more of what we got in the movie, then only expect like. one or two moments where it reminds you leo has a crush on her before they’re acting like just friends again.

bishop was really cool! i loved her design and backstory!! they’re bringing in the EPF which i LOVE!! this franchise seems to swing heavily towards the whole anti-mutant thing which is always fun for me. love seeing the boys chased off or shunned especially since they’re known to the public (even if i… don’t super love that plot but here we are) so even if the whole bishop thing.. wasn’t canon?? im hoping they bring her back somehow.

the whole “humans have mutations too” thing was actually really clever, with rod and his different coloured eyes, i wish they did more with that!! i think i would have rather had an entire 12 episode series about bishop and her robots rather than the random mutant pearl heist just cos the bishop storyline felt more important. that way we could have done the whole separated storyline AND have the boys actually fighting together again.

even if i complained about the second half it was still really written and a lot of fun! donnie’s episode with wingnut and leatherhead was so good, maybe my favourite episode out of the lot, as well as mikey trapped in the bodega. im not hating on the show, i did actually enjoy it i promise lol

i think going into the show, i had an inkling that as far as plot was concerned, it wasn’t going to push itself out too far. often times when you have a tv series bridging between one movie and the next, you’re saving all your serious stuff for the thing people are most likely to see, which is the sequel, rather than the 12 episode series. if they were to add casey or shredder or Krang or put leo through an actual window as per tradition, and casual fans hadn’t watched the series but sat down to watch the second movie, they’d be confused as hell and it wouldn’t do as good. marvel do it too, where it’s just to fill a gap for a time being without any serious plot or arc. so i kinda had that anticipation going forward into watching the show and i guess i was right. so if you’re expecting your big leo trauma moment, know they’re probably saving it for the movie instead where more people are likely to watch it.

i really love the animation, the style, the voice acting. (though im just gonna say this in like the kindest way possible. mikey’s va needs to work on the fact that he delivers some lines like he’s reading straight off the page. im not a professional but it stood out to me a few times and that’s just my humble opinion. i do think he suits the character so so well though and i wish him all the best going forward as our michelangelo!) whether we ever see brady noon as raphael again is a nother story lol

overall, as a tmnt fan, it delivered. it was fun and punchy and honestly worth the watch if you’re thinking about delving into another series. it’s not rise nor any of the previous iterations and i think sometimes you gotta just step back and view it with a fresh pair of eyes, because in all honestly i came off the back of watching all the rise episodes in like 2 days to then watching this, so i was making a few unfair comparisons throughout, none of which i think were obvious in my above points but. yeah. i didn’t hate it!! I thought it was funny and silly and well crafted by people that genuinely understands the characters in this.

now im just looking forward to the sequel :D

[protagonist-art]

"Uh- I'm Arnold. Bennett. It's profoundly difficult to get your lifes works and studies accepted if your name isn't... yes, oh! Are you a fan of moths, sir?"

NEW RDR2 OC!! a reclusive, clumsy entomologist and bug collector; cooped up in his study of uniformed clutter

[nyxofdemons]

“one day im going to have to make like a three hour long video essay that's just called In Defense of Helluva Boss” Please do. I see more anti videos than I do with defense ones. Like the ones that say season 2 is terrible even though it’s barely completed and the ones that say Stolitz is a bad despite them barely having a relationship.

no literally i am sick of seeing more anti content than actual appreciation videos but the anti talking point i see most that drives me up the fucking walls is that it's "bAd RePrEsEnTaTiOn," as if that is all that queer people are allowed to have; just the vague nebulous concept of "Rep(TM)." the fact that if a straight character is a bad person then it's just that This Character is a bad person, but if a queer character is a bad person then This Is Bad Representation Of The Community And Is Homophobic. can we not just HAVE characters?? vehicles to tell a story??? tools to craft a compelling narrative??? this is part of why Helluva/Hazbin being adult shows is such a THING because i see this get shut down a lot under the guise of "uhh well just because it's an adult show doesn't mean that it can handle whatever topic it wants however it wants" and like. yeah buddy! that's true! and that's not what this is fucking about!! when people say "it's an adult show" what they mean is that it's made to be engaged with under the assumption that you would know better than to take information to shape your worldview and perception of other real life people from a fucking cartoon! the show doesn't NEED to tell you that Um Hey Guys Just So You Know This Isn't Actually Meant To Reflect How All Real Life Gay Relationships Are because you are an adult who should already be able to discern this.

"bad rep" doesn't mean "characters that are nuanced, morally gray, or just bad people." "bad rep" would be if helluva boss was a show that said "the REASON these characters are in toxic relationships / are bad people is BECAUSE they are queer, or at least directly correlated to that fact." which is. you know. very fucking different than "these characters are in toxic relationships / are bad people because they 1) live in a classist society that actively encourages them to be their worst selves and 2) are extremely traumatized."

[deiaiko]

#19.3 Unravel

It had been some time since Agni felt this nervous. Not even talking with Jinsung Ha recently had made him feel like this. He fiddled with the mask on his hand as he waited for Grace to come back. He had thought hard on how to deliver the news, but he knew that no matter how he phrased it, Grace would be upset. Velt nuzzled under his palm and Agni gave her a few pats, before deciding that she would be better inside her bowl in his lighthouse, just in case the shinsu acted up around Grace after he received the news.

Grace came back wearing the comfiest shirt and shorts Agni knew Grace liked to wear on lazy days. He joined him on the floor, and they ate dinner together. Agni always finished last, so while waiting for him to finish his meal, Grace told him about his day with Bam. Grace was intrigued by how much his way of thinking had changed, and how glad he was to be able to be by Bam's side when he was having a bad day. It reminded Agni of the hidden floor, when Grace faced his sworn enemy.

They left the used bowls on the coffee table and went to brush their teeth. Afterwards, they turned off the light and went upstairs to sit on their bed. Grace's curious gaze never left him, and Agni curled his feet nervously.

Grace was the one who broke the silence. "So…what is it?"

Agni's breath hitched. This was the part he dreaded most. "I talked with the crocodile earlier. Did you know that he could manipulate stone already?"

"Huh." Grace needed a few seconds to let the information sink in. "Didn't Rak learn it on the Hell train? How does he know it?"

"Turns out our crocodile also traveled back to the past like us. He found the young crocodile and taught him."

"What?!" Grace gasped, wide eyed. "That means our Rak is–!!"

"He's dead." Agni quickly snuffed out that hope. They had been in delusion for long enough; it was time that they faced the bitter truth. "He suffered a fatal injury from the explosion. He couldn't have lasted long without proper help." Agni omitted the actual cause for Rak's death, but still kept his words true. "I'm sorry."

"…Oh." Grace looked lost, just like Agni was. His lips parted a little, but they closed before any sound escaped.

Agni gently squeezed Grace's hand, encouraging and comforting as he let the silence stretch on, giving Grace some time to process the information.

"Agni…" Grace whispered, "do you think Hatz and Isu…?"

Agni bit his lip and avoided his gaze, as the nightmare of that day replayed in his mind. He witnessed Hatz get his arm ripped off when trying to protect him. He could still recall the clang of a sword hitting the floor, and Hatz's suppressed scream that gnawed deep at his guilt. He witnessed Isu get beheaded after being taken hostage, the memory of warm blood painting them both still vivid like it happened yesterday. 

Agni refused to acknowledge their possible deaths, because it felt like a nightmare that one day he could hopefully wake up from. He avoided the topic when Grace brought it up, so he wouldn't have to say it aloud and make it real. He had been so hard on himself, because he couldn't get rid of the feeling that he had failed Grace and everyone else involved.

Agni knew this had to change if he wanted to live better, now that they had gotten a second chance. So he swallowed down the lump in his throat that had built up over the years and asked mostly to himself; "What are the odds of their survival?"

"There's always a chance–"

"Grace." Agni looked him straight in the eye. "They were already severely injured before the explosion hit."

Grace fell silent and went still.

Agni felt a pang of guilt upon witnessing Grace's reaction. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap." Agni fiddled with his hands. He realized that he didn't know how much Grace knew of what happened. "My scar…do you know how I got it?"

"I…was told it was from the family heads' battle." Grace looked thoughtful. Agni knew he was trying to be careful with his words. "A stray attack?"

"It could have been worse." The memory of the scorching heat on his skin felt like it had only happened yesterday. He passed out right when he was about to heal Isu, and only found out later that he also lost sweetfish at that time. The days he spent recovering from the burn, to withstand the excruciating pain every second he was conscious, and finally coming to terms that it'd be a permanent scar, was one of the turning points that had changed him forever. Were Grace not there to care for him, he might have ended up destroying himself even more.

Agni hadn't realized he had his left hand clawing on his cheek until Grace pried his hand off and frowned, "You're doing it again."

"Maybe I should wear the mask…" Agni muttered to himself. After all, Grace gave it to him less so he could hide the scar but more to prevent him from unconsciously hurting himself. The only time he could safely take it off was when Grace was around.

Agni bit his lip nervously when Grace didn't reply. He no longer had the courage to look Grace in the eye that spoke so much concern, so he leaned close and rested his head on Grace's chest. "Rak, Isu, Hatz and Hwaryun were trying to get me out of that damned place. But we were caught while escaping, and…it was a bloodbath. I was…too occupied to react to the incoming heat. Rak shielded us from the explosion. And when I woke up…"

"They weren’t with you," Grace finished it for him after Agni trailed off a moment too long.

Agni nodded dazedly, "I've been telling myself that they're still alive, after a blow that could kill rankers. But…who am I kidding? I was lucky enough to survive with just this little–" Agni vaguely pointed to himself– "inconvenience."

Agni felt a hand gripping his arm, and he pulled away to see Grace looking at him with a pained expression. His eyes were glossy and his lips were pulled into a thin line. Trusting his instinct, Agni reached out to gently trace and cup Grace's cheek with his free hand.

"I'm sorry," Agni muttered. "I'm sorry, for not telling you sooner."

Agni silently witnessed tears that streamed down on his love's face. It was a bitter sight that Agni wished he'd never have to see again, that he had tried to avoid for so long by not telling him. He pulled Grace in and held him close to his chest, as if Agni was trying to gather his own crumbled heart back together.

Grace mumbled their late best friends' names as he held onto him tighter, shaking from each breath he took between sniffles.

Agni felt his own eyes sting with unshed tears. He remembered the years he spent climbing the tower together with his old team. Despite their banter being his source of headaches, Agni knew he too had come to acknowledge them as his cherished friends. Only when they were gone did Agni realize how much he'd miss having them around. Seeing the younger them didn't exactly close the gaping hole in his heart, but at least the emptiness was more filled.

Agni squeezed Grace tighter. "We have their younger selves with us now. We will protect them better this time."

Grace only nodded and sank further into his embrace. And Agni planted kisses on his hair, relishing the thought that after everything he had gone through, Grace was still a constant in his life. As long as he had him, everything would be okay.

When Grace started shaking again, Agni caressed his hair and hummed a comfort song they had known by heart. Still, it didn't make falling asleep any easier for Agni, especially not after admitting that his nightmare was very much real. However, as he had been through grief…this, too, would pass.

Masterlist

Previous

Next

Let me know your thoughts in the reblogs <3

☕ Buy me coffee ☕

[ultimatefartwizard]

EARTHSPARK MESSAGES AND SUBTEXT THATS NOT EVEN SUBTEXT

It's been a while since I have posted as I've been busy with finals, but I saw a post that absolutely made me spur a headache with just how utterly fatuous of a take I saw on Transformers Earthspark and the messages it sends.

DISCLAIMER: DO NOT USE THIS POST TO ATTACK OR HARASS ANYONE, THIS IS ONLINE DISCUSSION OF A WORK OF MEDIA.

THIS ALSO COVERS SPOILERS FOR SEASON 1 OF EARTHSPARK, IF YOU WISH TO AVOID SUCH A TOPIC PLEASE REDIRECT YOURSELF.

@monocle-teacup Won't repost your post as the way tumblr reposts works would have everything funnel onto your account, but I'll be pinging you and I did screenshot your post for viewer's context:

I have ALOT to talk about here, while also being completely in shock and disbelief how you end up BELEIVING THE SIDE THAT IS A GENOCIDAL LUNATIC WHO SEES THE TRANSFORMERS AS SUBHUMAN AND A DISEASE ON THE EARTH??? AND IS WILLING TO FULL ASS MURDER AND MUTILATE PEOPLE? From here any * you may see is likely a footnote mark to check details I put at the end for clarity. If I miss something, let me know and I will clarify.

Before I get into the meat of dissecting your clearly ill-informed and definitely not thoroughly thought out post, I need to get something out of the way because I believe you'll use this as a means of shielding yourself from incoming critique: It's okay to like and enjoy characters who are clearly bad people. There is a CLEAR difference between enjoying a fictional character and agreeing with whatever they might do or say. I enjoy many bad and morally reprehensible characters, including Mandroid/Doctor Meridian, but that doesn't mean I agree with them or don't find their actions and ideas deplorable. If you find yourself agreeing with someone who sees another group of people* as being subhuman or a danger to society you need to reconsider your ideologies and thought processes. Like ASAP.

Okay onto the actual deconstruction of your statements, why they are blatantly lacking a thorough reading of the messages in Earthspark, or even lead into uncomfortably ignorant territories both with Transformers and very real-life, human related things.

As a first point, you state that you hope this show re-examines the fact that hatred towards another group of people (even if they are fictional) automatically makes them a terrible person, and bring up the statement that the show makes GHOST's detainment of transformers look "cartoonishly evil" but does absolutely nothing to address Dr.Meridian's statements of transformers being dangerous.

Yes. Yes it ABSOLUTELY DOES address that throughout the entire show. In fact, the whole season is literally about deconstructing the notion that BOTH Dr.Meridian's and GHOST's ideals and methods are harmful if not downright discriminatory towards transformers as a whole.

GHOST's method of control is a guise under the US government by detaining any transformer they deem as "a threat", this can even mean autobots or non-aligned transformers who don't want to join their organization or are just doing their own thing. They will willingly classify them all as "Decepticons" to justify their inhumane treatment of them. This is paralleling how humans will stereotype and conflate other groups of people, as being all associated with one singular event or organization of people that is seen as bad or a danger to society* and use that stereotyped ideal to weaponize it against them and justify harming them in multiple ways; which is what Dr.Meridian ALSO DOES THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SHOW. Dr.Meridian is a scientist that literally works with and is a huge provider of technology to GHOST, he literally works with them and experiments on the detained transformers. You can't say "oh GHOST bad Dr.Mer not so bad" when he's LITERALLY PART OF GHOST AND YOU CANNOT SEPARATE THEM. HE IS EXTREME AND OUTSPOKEN ABOUT HIS HATRED THROUGHOUT THE SHOW AND ACTIVELY IS SHOWN TO BE ENTIRLEY IN THE WRONG BOTH IDEOLOGICALLY AND ACTION WISE. You clearly have not watched with a critical eye if you think they never address his points or somehow he is right about something. He never is and it shows just how harmful his mentality is. You don't even need words spoken out loud to know he's ALREADY HEINOUSLY WRONG AND BIGOTED.

Why should the show, one that shows transformers having to battle against racist and xenophobic hatred towards them from humans, re-examine that relationship? People are being discriminatory to people they don't like, and to them it doesn't matter if they are decepticon or not; they're all the same and dangerous in their eyes. Yes, there was a war brought onto earth's soil from pure happenstance of where the Ark and members of the two named groups had landed, and yes it was bloody and many lives were lost like any war is. Should the war, as well as atrocious acts of violence by a few and the circumstance that which the birth and type of being transformers are deem all transformers as dangerous? OBVIOUSLY FUCKING NOT. That's literally stereotyping. That's what Dr.Meridian is doing. He's literally grouped them all into one conglomerate in his head and sees them all as pests to be exterminated.

The transformers are both immigrants and refugees of war that had lasted thousands of millions of years and a desperate attempt to find any source of energon because they would STARVE TO DEATH IF THEY DIDN'T AND RESOURCES WERE DANGEROUSLY SCARCE ON CYBERTRON. They are thousands of lightyears away from home in a place that doesn't have the cultures they are familiar with and structures built for them which accommodates their needs. And to add onto it, most were never originally outfitted with guns and shit. They had to ARM THEMSELVES TO PROTECT AGAINST ATTACKS. JUST BECAUSE YOU SEE A GUN POP OUT OF THEIR BODY DOESN'T MEAN THEY ARE BUILT LIKE THAT NOR DOES IT MEAN THEY ARE AUTOMATICALLY ALL DANGEROUS. The only ones who are theoretically "built for war/violence" are war-frames like seekers, but they didn't even CHOOSE THAT LIFE OR WANT IT! THEY ARE COLD CONSTRUCTED* AND LITERALLY ENSLAVED INTO BEING CANON FODDER FOR WHATEVER SKERMISH THEY ARE DEEMED NEEDED FOR. Starscream wasn't even a warrior before this, he was just some nerd ass scientist. Cold constructed bots and War-frames are already deemed subhuman by other transformers. The entire war that you see is a continual millions of years struggle which the origins are in a fight against their own horrible systematic oppressions to try and bring freedom and put an end to the horrible reign back on Cybertron. How does them being robot organisms displaced by ongoing war, a continual brutal and bloody struggle for freedom back at home, and dangerous resource scarcity make them any more dangerous than your average person? And the "they are robots/walking death machines" argument doesn't count because you're only seeing them from a nonhuman lense in that case. Take off those nuts and bolts covered glasses and think of how this would be if they were all humans instead. The visuals of only seeing them for their robotics are blocking your ability to view this group as simply a mirroring of humans in nonhuman bodies. Humans are just as dangerous and ostracizing as them. Literally humans slaughter other humans frequently; bring upon hatred and obscene actions onto one another with or without robotic attachments and aid of machines. Just because the transformers are robotic extraterrestrials who are "different biologically/mechanically" makes it no different from the dehumanization and other forms of racism and xenophobia. Transformers are literally just... humans in a robot shell. You can't argue against this at all because most if not all have human forms, ALL of them have human minds, and just happen to come from a planet they need to be insanely large sized on, as well as already pre-armed due to conflict that they have escaped from.

The whole story of Earthspark is LITERALLY about the experiences of the Terrans; first generation descendants of immigrant refugees navigating the struggles that come with being just that. They make whole episodes surrounding their feelings of alienation and their struggle to have a place in the world, their culture and history and who they are. They want to feel they belong and feel they have a place in this world and be seen just as human and belonging as their human family. Their government and the world around them alienates them and treats them sub-humanly despite them being just as human, flaws and all, as us. Since I'm praddling on about this topic, did you even ABSORB ANY OF THE EPISODES HOME PART 1 AND 2???? IT'S ABOUT THIS TOPIC AND TEACHES HOW THIS MENTALITY OF TREATING THE TRANSFORMERS AS SUBHUMAN ALIENS THAT NEED TO GO AWAY OR NEED TO BE CLASSIFIED AS DANGEROUS/A INVASIVE "SPECIES" THAT NEEDS TO BE REMOVED IS BAD. IT SHOWS THE RACISM AND XENOPHOBIA THAT ESPECIALLY COMES WITH BEING CHILDREN OF IMMIGRANTS AND THE ISOLATION THEY FACE.

Please, I heavily implore you to go back and watch them. You somehow miss the entire point of the show and ESPECIALLY this episode. Many episodes cover different points of their existence as first gen children and the reality that the transformers have to face in general while being refugees on a planet with others being hostile and degrading to them but this particular episode is the one that tackles the points I make in this post the most. It may not go super deep into it due to forced time constraints and other executive nonsense that makes it harder to go into more detail but it still covers the topic very well.

Humans getting nipped at the heels for being bigoted towards transformers isn't some "ouugh you can't think the decepticons did bad things" type of nonsense and I absolutely hate the "oh because you can't be bigoted towards a group of people it means you suddenly can't criticize the actions of someone who happens to be someone of that group" mentality you seem to be concocting out of thin air. It's them associating the entire race of transformers as all bad, unbelonging or worthy of being seen as dangerous and to be wary around them or like they need to not be on earth and "go back where they came from". You go between "decepticons" and "transformers" interchangeably and seem to do exactly as the show heeds against heavily; conglomerating the actions of a FEW to encompass the overall worthiness of a WHOLE POPULATION OF PEOPLE.

Doctor Meridian is wrong and genuinely evil and disturbing with how he treats them and him seeing them as dangerous and a pest needing to be eradicated nor should any of his views be agreed upon, no matter how much you may try to defend him. There's more I could add but for simplicity's sake but that's what I mainly will state. The rest of clarity can be discussed in the comments.

I'm not sure whether your lack of understanding of the show and its messaging you are discussing or your love for one of the major villains is clouding your judgement, but please read EVERYTHING here to its fullest extent. Nothing here is intended as an attack on your character (if you're somehow seeing it that way) but as a heavy critique of your views on this show and how you are analyzing things. I might sound like I'm yapping to yap or "it's not that deep", but it literally is. The show and it's writing make it a big point and I will refuse to accept any iteration of "you're making a mountain out of a molehill" type statements. If you have any questions or comments you're free to bring them up.

-With confusion and annoyance, Wizard.

-Footnotes- *By group of people, I refer to sapient (human minded) beings who are grouped by either race, ethnicity, nationality, religion, gender, sexuality, disability, etc. By this classification, Transformers are considered a group of people; even if they are "nonhuman" *If you are somehow seriously confused or appalled by me pointing out real world racism and xenophobia as parallels to what is being done by GHOST, Dr. Meridian, and your average run of the mill civilian, you need to reread absolutely everything. Racism and xenophobia are a huge talking point in the show and I refuse to retract this statement. *Cold Constructed means the transformer was made in a factory, more often than not to be a worker slave for whoever is demanding they be produced. Two characters off the top of my head who are cold constructed is Starscream and Megatron.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Does gojo just fight for the thrill of it?…

Idkk I’m really confused tbf the manga really puzzled me 😭😭 (IM GONNA GO ON A RANT BEAR WITH ME PLSS 🙏 LOLL)

The afterlife chapter and how it’s shown, that he just fought sukuna for the thrill of it and not to protect others (students). I think that was implied by nanami when he called gojo a freak for enjoying and getting a thrill out of fighting them, while most sorcerers take it more seriously in a sense where they’re fighting for their lives and to survive/not get killed.. also what even is gojos motivation to keep going? This is a question I ask myself alot!! Is it his entire upbringing and how it was drilled into his head that he’s a weapon meant to be used or is it that he sincerely enjoys exorcising curses and it makes him feel superior (I find the latter more uncharacteristic of him tbh since why would he just do it for the sake of it?? It’s definitely draining to go on missions constantly and shoulder the responsibility of saving the world.. so does he view himself as some sort of a curse exorcising machine?…

Also many ppl on twitter call him selfish and uncaring towards others (his students,colleagues..) since he didn’t kill sukuna right after he got unsealed and waited for a month when sukuna got much stronger? Where he could’ve just finished sukuna off instead of dragging it into the shinjuku arc…

Also I really hate how in general gojo our smoll pookie baby gets soooo mischaracterized and gets called selfish, a philanderer, red flag, uncaring towards EVERYONE?? Some ppl even go as far as to say that he has a chronic god complex. <———— THIS ALL DRIVES ME INSANEEE

however, I kinda do think he has a superiority complex going on… Since he was put on a pedestal since birth and everyone praises him and considered him as the strongest and some kind of hero who’s only job/purpose is to constantly keep saving the weak… This may have gotten into his head a lil too much which shaped his perspective into him believing he’s superior than the other people who he must save from curses etc..

I WOULD LOVEEE LOVEEE YOUR TAKE ON THIS MY DEAREST ARI PLSS SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS (even if it’s multiple paragraphs 😋) ❤️❤️❗️

P.S I’m a new anon so call me bunny anon for any future asks 🥺

hiiiiii there my dearest little bunny anon!!!!! is this emoji okay? 🐰 or would you prefer this? 🐇 i’ll go with the former for now but please tell me if you’d like the other one instead <33333

NOWWW . okay okay okay. this was super interesting to answer, thank you sm for sharing your thoughts and letting me do the same!!!! and please keep in mind that this is all really just my own take :3 but i do have a loooot of thoughts abt this + the sukugo fight in general, so!!! buckle up.

long discussion + spoilers for chap. 236 under the cut!!

ALRIGHT . SO . i’m gonna try to adress everything in this ask but i am in fact scatterbrained so please bear with me 😭😭😭

well, first of all — yes, gojo absolutely fights for the thrill of it. the sukugo fight is a great example of this because it’s the only fight we see gojo let completely loose, but it’s an even better example because it also proves that gojo fights for a lot more than that. he obviously enjoys fighting, but i think you’d be missing a lot of key points of his character if you tried to say that’s all he fights for, you know? we know that gojo is fighting and training for the sake of making a change, of nurturing others, but more than anything else — gojo fights because that’s all he knows how to do. he was raised as a weapon. of course he’d grow to love fighting!! he literally has no choice but to live the life he was born into, and that’s the life of a weapon. weapons exist to kill.

i think his love for fighting is sincere, but it’s also a direct effect of being born as the strongest — do you see what i’m saying? gojo enjoys the thrill of a good fight, but there’s a lot more to it than that. and i personally think that he views fighting as a way to connect with others, not just an adrenaline rush. that’s kind of the whole point of the sukugo fight — they’re reaching out for each other.

aaaand that brings me to my second point!! i think the sukugo fight is like…. the most important fight to examine when discussing gojo’s character, because it tells us so much about him and why he fights in the first place. in this case — the manga almost outright states that he was fighting to teach sukuna about love. and this following part is just my own take!!!! but i think gojo cared about that on a personal level, that went beyond his duty to exorcise sukuna as a curse. gojo cared about sukuna. i think this is undeniable and that alone proves that he was fighting for something other than the thrill of it. he was having fun, but it wasn’t just because of the violence — it was because of sukuna himself.

(stan sukugo btw)

and!!! it was also because of his students!!! i think this point is also undeniable. i reaaaalllyyy disagree with anyone who thinks gojo doesn’t care about them because it’s so …. obvious??? that he does???? he may not be the perfect father figure that the fandom often depicts him as (<- not complaining btw i eat that shit up), but he’s a good teacher. and he cares for them. he’s fighting sukuna for a lot of reasons, one of them being his love for megumi, who i’d argue is like a younger brother to him / the most important person to him since suguru died. <- that’s just my own hc really, but either way gojo cares for him!!! it’s obvious that he’s fighting with his students in mind, because he mentions them so many times. he is fighting to protect them. his character is built on a desire to nurture the youth, even at his own expense.

(he loves them!!!!!!)

so, with that out of the way — let’s talk about nanami’s comment in 236. because i think a LOT of people misinterpreted it completely 😭😭 nanami mentions a scene back in premature death, where he exhaustedly asks geto why they can’t just leave everything to gojo. he then proceeds to say that gojo never cared about keeping sorcery going, or protecting people, and that his strength was all built on self satisfaction.

panels for reference:

…. but notice that nanami is speaking in past tense. he mentions a moment in his youth, and follows it up with what his thought process was during that moment — to put things really simply, nanami isn’t talking about our gojo in this scene, he’s talking about gojo during his teenage years. the reason why the cast appears as teenagers in this scene isn’t just because that’s when gojo was happiest, but also to highlight how far he’s come as a person. how much suguru’s defection changed him and his values. teen!gojo wasn’t a bad person by any means, but he was definitely more selfish than gojo is now. teen!gojo cared about the people around him, but he did fight for self-satisfaction above all else.

our gojo doesn’t. our gojo fights to protect people, to make sure no one is lonely — not even sukuna — and because he has to. because he enjoys it, but also because it’s his duty to do so. there is absolutely a purpose behind gojo’s fighting. he’s matured a lot. he cares about a lot.

so, to answer your question properly: yes, gojo fights for the thrill of it. he also fights for a lot of other things.