#I HOPE MY RAMBLES HELP. IT'S 1AM!!!!!

[ratcandy]

(Sending this in an ask so I don't spam you with four different comments on your disability post. 💀 No need to reply. Just getting this out there.)

*dumps*

I'm seriously dealing with this right now.

Working on a fic with a potentially disabled robot character. It's not explicitly stated in game, but it is implied.

As a chronically ill person, I really want to lean into it, explore it, and show that the character is loveable and awesome as a disabled person. That there's more to him than what's disabling him without minimizing the impact it has on his life. Because I would want that to be said about me.

But like. He's a robot.

There's no resources available to fix him (LITERALLY fix him. As a robot) where he's located, so his disability is plausible in-game. But if I'm exploring what happens after, where he leaves his current location, the thought of fixing him comes up. There'd probably be resources available in this other place.

I don't want to fix him. I think it would send the wrong message. But also. Not fixing him might send a wrong message too. It might put blame on him, by making it where the only thing keeping him from getting "better" is himself, you know? Implying that he would get "better" if he just let himself get better.

I would really hate for that to be the takeaway from the fic. It's a really crappy way of thinking, and I've had to face similar accusations myself.

So I'm in a bit of an uncanny valley right now.. Not sure what to do about it.

Excuse me for the ramble. I just think it's neat that you posted this when I started really focusing on the issue. Is this a sign. What does it mean for me.

Anyway. The disability removal trope in media has always rubbed me the wrong way with its harmful implications, and it's uncomfortably common. :( Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels that way.

Okay I'm done. Thanks.

I saw this ask, looked up from my phone in deep thought, went on a whole spiel out loud about it, and then promptly forgot it came from an ask buT I"M HERE NOW, and I wiLL reply because. I think I could maybe offer some thoughts

...And it turns out I have Many Thoughts.

I don't know this robot character you're messing with or to what extent he'd "need" repairs, but I feel there's a few easy questions to ask first before you could decide whether it's a good option for the story! Better, have him Himself grapple with these questions and allow him agency in the decision (aka: Whatever you do, don't force it on him sdhgk)

Since I don't know what disability this robot's got, let's just say he's got an arm that's totally dead. Just can't be used. But just popping it off wouldn't be easy due to the mechanics going on, and perhaps the damage goes further than just the arm.

He's already learned to adapt to how that arm sits. He's learned to balance with the weight of it, knows how to avoid bumping it into things, is totally accustomed to just using one arm.

Now, suddenly, he's in a situation with high-tech engineers who could replace that arm no problem and make it work just as it always did.

Now he's got to ask himself,

"Do I want to?" I mean, obvious question, but really. If he's totally happy with how he lives, not despite his disability but just With It, then what would necessarily be the point of going through a whole procedure? And even if he's not totally happy, but only mildly inconvenienced at best now that he's adapted, is going through with a Robot Surgery and all the struggles of adapting with a new arm worth it?

"Would I be able to adapt to having two arms again?" Depending on how long he's had his disability for, this could be amplified by a lot. If it's been almost his entire life with the disability, having another arm again would be almost totally foreign. He'd have to re-balance himself without the weight, get used to the feeling of electricity circulating on that side of him, learn how to control that arm again, go through whatever the robot equivalent of physical therapy is, and that's IF the arm replacement goes 100% right. Which is another thing...

"What's the chance that the replacement doesn't work?" Assuming he's not given a perfect solution that just will totally work no questions asked, there's always a chance it just won't work. The body may not accept a new arm, the damage may have spread too far and any replacements would have to go further than just the arm, and would he be comfortable with that? And what if it not only doesn't work, but instead makes it worse? Would jamming a new arm into a damaged socket just spread the damage further?

If you want to lean real far into the robot aspect, have an existential crisis but Ship of Theseus style, especially if there's a lot of integral parts that would need repairs. Yknow, the whole "if I replace all the parts of a ship, is it still the same ship?" but in this case, Robot.

Also, from a writer perspective... one of the reasons suddenly curing a disability is seen is Not Great is especially notable in cases where the disability was caused by an injury (as opposed to being born with it). Because then there's likely trauma attached to it. There's trauma that the person/character has had to work through, accept, and learn to move on with. And that's not easy, especially depending on the severity of the disability.

And once they've gone on that journey to live with and embrace their disability, gone through the massive life changes and mental adjustments that are required to proceed with life, suddenly providing a cure will make that journey seem... like it had moot point, kind of.

It'd be like. I dunno, say Character A's ancestor did a bad thing. And they spend the whole story grappling with that bad thing their ancestor did that they had no control over. Near the end of the story they learn to accept it, vow to be better than that ancestor, whatever. Only for the story to end by going "Surprise! That ancestor never did it at all, they were framed! Your bloodline is innocent! Hurray!"

Does that make sense? Suddenly there was no point to any of that. It damages the story As Well as having less than ideal implications.

ANd my last point ....... About the "the only thing keeping him from getting 'better' is himself, you know? Implying that he would get 'better' if he just let himself get better."

I mean... putting aside any implication that being disabled is somehow "lesser" than not being disabled, as I doubt that was your intention,

Again, it mostly depends on the extent of the disability. Is he gonna die without it being fixed? Is he in utterly horrific agony that he's screaming about the entire time while the button for a cure is in front of his face?

Because even THEN, "how will I manage when suddenly NOT disabled" is a question that's gotta be asked and addressed. It might be the totally reasonable decision to have him take a cure, but the Ramifications of sudden curing have gotta be acknowledged, especially if he's been disabled for a while.

Is he choosing to hurt for the sake of hurting, or is it due to being scared/uncertain of what a life not hurting looks like?

OR, if this disability hardly bothers him, then... like. Again. It would make sense to NOT want to go through all the steps to get it repaired if it could just cause more problems. Say it's as something as small as an annoying twitch. Like, say his hands twitch a lot, perhaps even shake. But he's used to it. It's been years and it's just part of how he is now. He doesn't necessarily care to get it fixed, because it's... just part of him. At that point, it'd just be weird to see him as "keeping himself from getting better," because he's... fine? Relatively?

I dunno. For that question I guess it mostly depends on Is He Happy Right Now/is he content with his disability already. Because yea, if he is content, like... who cares if he doesn't fix it. Even if it's more severe like the whole non-functioning arm idea I mentioned earlier. Or hell maybe he's totally paralyzed! Hasn't walked for years! Found other means of mobility and has learned to adapt to it! Is totally happy while being paralyzed! Not mentioning how complicated the ''adapting to suddenly not being disabled anymore'' becomes with something as complex as that If he doesn't mind it too much, then.......... why go through all that trouble if he's Fine, right? Who is being hurt by that?

anyway. That was a really long post. I hope my rambles??? Help you at all with that?? I mean like I said in my original post there can be totally innocent reasons to "cure" a disability in a story, it just has to be handled with care and sensitivity. Give the character some amount of agency in it!

...yknow, like. So long as you're not going down the "i'm so miserable with my disability it's either i get cured or i die" route. because . u know. I don't need to explain why that's not great hopefully sdghKSLJDGH

OK ENOUGH RAMBLING!!!!!!! this gave me many thoughts about robot disability, something I do not typically think about

[cold-neon-ocean]

short-ish vent/explanation as to why things have been so slow sobs

I don’t really feel the passage of time anymore but it’s crazy how much time I’ve lost just since February to just one after another dealing with the house pets. First our puppy’s neuter, then my sister bringing her cats into the house, her cats tearing things up and needing to be watched constantly (by me of course bc I’m the only one here), her cats then giving everyone ringworm which was a nearly 2 month ordeal that we’re still recovering from physically and financially, and now both puppies (one has seemed to recover now) are having some sort of intestinal issue the vets don’t know the cause of, but I’m just cleaning bloody diarrhea (its not parvo, the vet tested) and doing laundry all day.

I never really got the chance to recover from the introduction of the puppies back in September last year. I feel like my life has been overtaken by all these animals completely against my will and out of my control. Mom is just hemorrhaging money from all these obligations and vet bills she never planned/asked for, and I’m trying to help (despite none of these pets being mine) while also barely having the time to work that I used to. I used to be able to sit at my desk nearly all day without being interrupted but now dealing with all these animals by the time I get to sit at my desk I’m exhausted and it’s like 7pm but I gotta get up at 6am to give out medications and make breakfast for 5 pets.

Its starting to calm down but I’m just really upset over how all this affected my ability to work since these extended wait times reflects on my business very poorly and it’s just been killing me because this is not how I normally conduct things but I just had the rug completely snatched from under me and haven’t really been able to get back up. 

I also want to make clear that none of these animals are mine, nor did I have anything to do with the decision making to get them. I was told by my fam that it was expressly kept secret from me- literally until the animals came through the front door, because they knew I’d be upset because I’d have to watch them since I’m the only one home. The only pet that belongs to me is my leopard gecko who is a perfect angel boy who I’ve had not one issue with since getting him (he just turned 2 last month). 

Things are (hopefully) starting to stabilize, I’m praying that we can have just a little time without an animal having some sort of health crisis. I’m really sorry this has been such a long running thing, I never could have anticipated for any of it. I’m so grateful for the patience of my commissioners and am especially sorry to them, this isn’t normally how my business handles and I’m really ashamed of it.

[jinnie-ret]

chan getting a call from 9th member reader, its late and hes still in the studio. he hears readers quiet voice telling him that theres someone following her as she walks back to the dorms from a late night solo dance practice session. chan has that Protective streak that makes him Panic the moment he thought something was wrong with how they were speaking into the phone so to find out they were in genuine danger and not just scared because there was a spider?? i just know that man is Terrifying to anyone who puts his members in danger, especially their only female member knowing how dangerous the world is for women

night stalker

bang chan x ninth member!reader (platonic)

genre: angst

content warnings: stalking, violence

word count: 1.1k

summary: chan does his best to save you in time after you call him in a panic about someone following you late at night.

Hi! Sorry it's late but I hope that this fits the vibe you wanted! I ended up writing it as a platonic relationship but it is still a Chan focus x reader!

As always, like, reblog if you enjoyed, and my asks are open for any requests you may have. And let me know if you'd like to be tagged when I post :)

BANG CHAN'S MASTERLIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

Chan was a leader through and through. The leader of Stray Kids. A protector to his kids. Being the oldest member too, as well as being the eldest of his siblings, gave him these instinctual habits to always check up on his members. So when he got a call from you, at 1am, scared out of your mind, his brain went into overdrive. One, because the way your voice shook, and two, because he didn't know you were walking back to the dorms, alone and in the dark.

"Hey, Chan? I-I think there's someone following me..." you whispered into the phone, your hand shaking as you did your best to maintain your pace of walking.

Being the only female member of the group, and being the youngest, Chan couldn't help but look after you in a slightly different way to the other members. Of course, he loved all of you the same, but unfortunately there were differences in being a female idolised figure. The sexualising comments... he hated how it came with you being a girl. And he knew, that the fear of someone following you late at night, would have come true eventually. He just didn't prepare himself for how he'd feel when it happened.

"Y/Nnie? It's 1am... where are you? Talk to me," Chan rushed out his words, face frozen in horror as he pushed himself back in his desk chair and started grabbing his belongings to leave and find you.

To save you.

"They're definitely following me... shit. I'm near those 24 hour convenience shops," you did your best to inform Chan of your surroundings, despite the pounding of your own heartbeat overwhelming your senses when you realised your paranoia had struck gold this time because you were right to be scared.

One pair of footsteps followed yours.

"Ok, listen to me, Y/Nnie, stay there, I'll come and meet you and I'll take you home, yeah?" Chan rushed out of the company, speed walking his way along the route to where the road of convenience shops.

"No, no, I can't just stay where I am... what if something happens? I'm scared, Channie," your voice broke as you did your best to keep a hushed volume.

"I know you're scared sweetheart, but I'm on my way, just stay on the phone," Chan spoke through his slightly heavier breaths, doing his best to get to you ASAP.

"I'm going into a shop, I don't want to be outside anymore, I'm scared if something will happen to me," you rambled, the ding of the chimes on the door heard by Chan.

"Ok, tell me where you are, can you do that for me?" Chan reassuringly asked.

"I'm, in that blue shop, you know the one with the dodgy neon light?" you tried to calm yourself down, beginning your path of going up and down the aisles, but the chimes were heard once again, "they're here. They followed me in."

"I'm about 3 minutes away, just stay on the line, it's ok, it will all be ok, is there anyone else in the shop, Y/N?" Chan spoke firmly, wanting you to know he was close by.

"N-no, just an elderly cashier, but she wouldn't be able to help if-"

"There will be no if, Y/N, don't finish that sentence sweetheart, I'm nearly there," Chan cut you off, maybe because he didn't want you to take your mind to that place, or maybe because he didn't want to be in that place either.

"Ok, please hurry I'm - hey! Get off of me!" your whispers turned into shouts as you were grabbed and winded by the punch of your night time stalker.

"Y/N! Talk to me! What's happening?" Chan's fast footsteps pounding against the concrete roads would have been heard by you if it weren't for your phone's abandoned spot on the ground.

Your stalker said nothing, yet had clear intentions as he hauled you into a free standing shelf of jars of cooking sauces. And your body took it with you to the ground as several of them smashed.

"Ahhh!" your shout of pain was heard before your body went flying.

"Y/N?!? Shit, I'm nearly there, I can see the shop from here!" Chan's words speedily echoed into the night.

Your attacker fled. Like the true coward he was. Yet you were thankful for your saviour that entered the shop moments after.

"Y/N??"

It took you a moment to realise that it was his voice playing out in real life, and no longer over the phone.

You groaned as you sat up, crawling away from the smashed glass behind you.

"Y/N! It's ok I've got you, I'm here now sweetheart, I'm sorry, I should have got here sooner..." Chan fussed over you, lifting you into his arms and checking you over as you held your stomach and stood in wobbly feet.

"Home, want to go home," you cried out, but no tears left your eyes, you were just feeling overwhelmed and in so much pain.

"I know, I know, I texted our manager to meet near us in a car, we'll get you home," he hushed you, supporting your weight as you left the shop.

"Where? Are they here? Are they close?" you panicked, not wanting to be waiting around in the open any longer than you needed to be.

"It's ok, calm down, I've got you, yeah? The car is over there," he guided you into the back of the car and sat with you, dealing with explaining things to the manager as the drive home began.

"How badly are you hurt? Let me see," Chan pushed your hair back out of your face, looking for any trades of pain which were so clearly written amongst your features.

"My back and my stomach, it'll probably just bruise though..." you winced, head resting against the seat of the car.

"Do you think you'll need the hospital?" Chan worriedly asked.

"No, but... I think I'll need a break... maybe... I don't know I just need to get my head around this, oppa," you leant against him, reveling in the comfort that not only his presence brought you, but the soothing circles he rubbed into your shoulder.

"Ok, ok, we can do that, we'll take all the time you need. I'll get you straight to bed and I'll explain it all to the members, don't worry, ok, I've got you," Chan laid out his thoughts, his priority right now being you. Everything else that came later he would deal with. He didn't want to put you under anymore stress than the current experience you just had. It was only fair that way, he thought.

tagged: @skz-streamer @kiraisastay @backintomykpopphaseagain @hannahhbahng @sakufilms

[whimsyfinny]

He’s a Winchester

Chapter 5

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: It's been a long time since (Y/n) and Dean's paths have crossed. Last time they saw each other it was ‘98 and they were young and living in the moment. Nine years down the Line, their paths cross again, but (Y/n)s longest kept secret is about to become Deans reality.

Slow burn (ish), mom!reader

Warnings: language, alcohol, lots of feelings, small angst, bullying, reader being a victim

Chapter Word Count: 6639

MDNI 18+

A/N: sorry this took so long! Life has been a lot aha. I kinda feel like I’ve rambled on with this one, so I’m sorry about that… I also feel like this was kinda a filler chapter? Idk, I’m sorry if this one isn’t as exciting… Either way, I hope you like it! As always, it's only proofread by moi, so let me know of any errors. Also feedback is greatly appreciated!

A/N2: GUYS IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING but PLEEEEASE provide your age if you want to be added to the taglist and it isn’t in your blog. This story is tame now but it’s gonna get spicy, and my blog is strictly 18+. So pleeeeease save be a very long job and help a gal out.

Photos from Pinterest

New Readers Start Here: Chapter 1

Previous Chapter: Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Sunday mornings were the only time we could get away with being lazy. I would crawl out of bed at around eight o’clock - compared to my normal six o’clock - and shuffle downstairs in my pyjamas in search of coffee whilst Levi was either still sleeping or playing Guitar Hero on the PS2, quietly by himself. On this particular Sunday morning, however, I did indeed venture downstairs at just gone eight, and instead of finding one young boy playing video games by himself, I was greeted with the sight of him battling it out with his uncle whilst his dad sat and watched, critiquing his techniques. I padded in quietly, pulling my long soft cardigan around me further as I tried my best to watch on unseen, enjoying this moment just as much as they were and unwilling to pop their happy bubble. I watched for a few minutes, seeing how Sam didn't go easy on Levi just because he was a kid, and how Dean couldn't seem to take his eyes off his son who was entirely immersed in the game, a soft smile taking up permanent residence on his lips. Dean turned his head slightly and caught sight of me in the archway, that soft smile evolving into a pulse quickening grin. He stood quickly, striding over to me with those plaid pyjama pants distractingly low on his hips.

“G’mornin’ sweetheart, you sleep ok?” He was now a few inches away and smelt like coffee and warm linen - it was the sort of scent that wrapped around me and drew me in with an almost dangerous nature.

“Like the dead,” I grinned, looking up at him, “though I'm not surprised after all those beers and our 1AM bedtime. You're a bad influence Winchester,” I poked his chest and had to fight back a groan when I felt how frustratingly firm his muscles were beneath his grey henley. Instead of vocalising my ‘annoyance’, I bit my lip, which in its own way I suppose was worse. Worse, because now those mossy green eyes were looking at my mouth, their gaze lingering before looking back up to my eyes.

“What can I say except I had a good time? It was nice catching up like that. It was like…”

“Like we’d gone back to a simpler time?”

“Like we'd never been apart.” 

Those words held a sudden weight to them that thumped deep in my chest.

“Yeah,” I said quietly, my eyes not leaving him, “I know what you mean”.

We both seemed caught up for a moment, silent and unmoving - just watching each other. He seemed totally steady, save for the deep inhale he took when I held his gaze just a little too long. He cleared his throat, breaking the trance that seemed too quick to have ever even existed in the first place.

“Coffee?” He asked, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder towards the kitchen.

“Coffee sounds great,” I smiled, glancing over to Sam and Levi who'd still failed to notice my arrival.

Dean and I paced leisurely to the kitchen where I was pleasantly surprised to see a pot of coffee already brewed, just waiting to be poured. Dean reached into the overhead cupboard, already learning where things were and selected two mugs. Pouring the hot liquid into both of them before handing me one, we both leant against the counter as I relished the warmth seeping through the ceramic and into my fingertips.

“You know,” I took a sip, humming in satisfaction, “I could get used to this,” my words felt dangerous the moment they slipped from my lips, a part of me kicking myself for vocalising such internal thoughts. Deans eyes widened almost fast enough for me to miss before his gaze returned to normal, his lips parting slightly as his mug paused on the elevation to his mouth. But once that half a second was over, it was like the fleeting surprise never happened. He simply hummed in agreement, his eyes soft and warm.

“Did you sleep ok?” I said quickly, taking the attention away from my earlier slip of words. He grinned with a nod.

“You have no idea how nice it is to sleep somewhere that's not musty and dusty and a possible crime scene from back in the eighties.” I grinned much like he did, my mind suddenly filling with images of brown and orange decor, unwashed bedsheets and spiders who might as well pay rent because they’ve been there so long.

“Well I can assure you that you're safe from all of that here - though no promises on the eighties crime scene, I have no idea who lived in this house back then.”

Deans grin turned more self assured as he raised an eyebrow at me.

“You don't think the equipment I brought would've made a noise if there was something here that went bump in the night?”

“Equipment?” I almost snorted, “you mean the EMF thing that you made on ‘pimp my Walkman’?”

Dean practically clutched his pearls.

“How dare you - that thing is a work of art. Blood, sweat and tears went into that masterpiece,” by the end of his sentence he was grinning again, almost like he knew he was talking out of his ass.

“Uh huh. Sure thing baby.”

Shit.

Deans lips twitch upwards as the intensity of his gaze sparks up something hot before quickly dying out, his posture straightening as he lifts his mug to his mouth again. I kick myself a second time for letting the term of endearment roll off my tongue. I’d never had this issue before - accidentally calling people nicknames or anything of the sort. I’d dated guys who had perfectly reasonable names that I always remembered to call them. Yet Dean… he stood here, in my kitchen after almost a decade and somehow still managed to turn my brain to butter. It was hard to describe, as surely I couldn’t still feel that way for someone who I’d been parted from for so long with not a whisper of their name from anyone's lips but my own. I no longer knew him. Nine years of time and life and experiences will have sculpted Dean and everything that I knew him to be into a totally different person…wouldn’t it? Hell, maybe he’s even got a girlfriend somewhere out there who's waiting for him to return to her, but he’s just been too nice to mention it. That, or I’ve been too selfishly wrapped up in things that used to be us to even think of asking. Perhaps the mushy consistency of my brain was simply another symptom of some so-called ‘muscle memory’, as my current behaviour was always how I’d been around him. Flirty. Playful. Infatuated. Perhaps I simply didn’t know how else to act; how to be normal in his presence because I knew he’s seen every inch of me, both physically and philosophically. He’d seen my ugly days yet he’d still kissed away the turmoil without so much as a second thought. Maybe, just maybe, I needed to reel myself back in - take myself back to before we were star crossed lovers. Before the memories were made and our hearts beat to the same tune. Back when we were just two people who would laugh and joke and stay up late. Perhaps that would make this all easier.

“There’s that name again,” Deans low drawl snapped me from my internal debate, an unreadable expression dawning on his features.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I just- I don’t think my mouth and brain are working together anymore,” I sighed, fighting to keep some sliver of amusement in my voice. 

“Oh yeah?” a smirk appeared on Deans face, that playful glint returning to his eye as he chewed his bottom lip as though having an internal debate of his own. Who knows what side won, but I’m sure some form of sleep depravity was involved with his next few words: “I remember a time when your mouth didn’t need your brain and it worked just fine on its own.” If his aim here was to make me flustered, he’d sure as hell succeeded as heat bloomed across my cheeks and my mouthful of coffee was spat back into my cup with a splutter.

“Dean!”

He released an almost wicked laugh, clearly pleased with himself for my reaction. If he was going to be making comments like that on a regular basis, it was going to prove extremely difficult for ‘operation: we’re just friends’ to be in full effect. 

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I’ll stop,” his words were softer yet the edge of amusement was still present.

I scowled at him with as much venom as a fucking wetwipe, my own amused grin straining at my lips.

“You better,” I jabbed a finger into his chest before placing my half empty coffee mug on the counter, turning away from him to rummage through the kitchen cupboards. I turned back around a moment later and thrust four bowls in his hands along with four spoons and two large cereal boxes.

“Put these on the table before you say anything else that might cause me to choke on my coffee.”

I watched a choking innuendo pass right before his eyes yet he bit his tongue and pursed his lips, taking a moment before his eyebrows rose slightly.

“Were you always this bossy?”

“I’m not bossy, I just have a child who needs to be fed. Now, table,” I pointed to the items in his arms before pointing to their designated destination.

“You could at least say ‘please’,” his tone was growing taunting and it drew a sigh from my chest.

“Fine. Can you put those things on the table, please.”

“Hmm… I don’t feel like you meant that, it felt a little… I don't know… hostile?” The grin was now in full effect.

“DEAN.”

“Ok! I’m going!” he turned and did as I asked, finally setting the table for all four of us. 

Breakfast passed by with so much ease it was as though we’d done it every day of our lives. Sam and Levi continued to talk about Guitar Hero whilst Dean listened, chipping in the classic rock trivia where he could. The whole time, I just sat, listened and watched, absorbing everything about this moment in time and doing whatever I could to make this a core memory. I breathed in, telling myself to remember the smell of sugar and coffee in the air, along with the new and unfamiliar masculine undertone of cologne and old leather. I looked around, watching how the golden morning light made their hair and skin glow in shades of amber and white, the small dust particles in the air illuminated like fireflies. The sound of their animated chatter was soft, creating a serene ambiance that was as pleasant on the ears as notes from a music box. Everything about this moment was all I’d dreamt of; from the fully occupied breakfast table to the relaxed atmosphere, and the cherry on the cake was knowing that these men were family. Levis family. He had a dad and an uncle who wanted to cherish him and spend time with him, to make him feel so important and loved that it made up for nearly nine years of absence. I know, deep, deep down that part of this was from them feeling guilty - Dean more so than Sam - yet that was only a small part. Their love and affection for him stemmed from something real and it was so easy to see, so fucking clear on their faces, that it made me want to cry. And that feeling was so fucking strong that I had to excuse myself from the table and freshen up in the bathroom, barely able to utter a word to them as I stepped away.

After taking five and splashing some water on my face I emerged from the bathroom and headed back downstairs. Sam and Levi were back in front of the playstation, this time playing Need for Speed, and Dean remained at the table, another coffee between his palms as he leant forwards, staring into the liquid. He must’ve heard me coming as he looked up with a slightly concerned expression. 

“You ok?” he asked.

“Yeah,” my voice didn’t come out as level as I’d hoped, so I diverted the conversation. “I thought that’d be you over there playing Need for Speed. How come you’re over here glaring at your coffee?”

“Ahh, we’ve been up for a while and I spent about an hour on Guitar Hero with Levi before you came down. Plus…” the small smile on his lips that appeared when he looked over at his son was now directed towards me, “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Uh oh, I hate it when sentences start like that.”

“No, it’s nothing bad. I just…uhhh… well, last night when we were talking, you said something that I can’t stop thinking about,” despite his calm expression, his knuckles were starting to turn white around his cup.

“I said a lot of things last night, Dean, you’re going to ha-”

“Let me take you out.”

“What?” 

“Let me take you out,” he repeated, but this time softer and slower, “you said last night that you never get to go out for drinks anymore and that you’ve had some pretty shit dates,” we both grimaced slightly at the thought of that. “ Well… I’m here. Let me take you out. Levi is at a sleepover tonight so you have nothing to worry about where he’s concerned,” he took a deep breath and reached across the table to place his hand, warm and large, over mine. “Let me do something nice for you, like you deserve.” There was a pause as silence settled between us for a moment. He wanted to take me out. Like, a date, or just as old friends, or as co-parents…? I had no idea what his angle was on this. Did he want to have sex? Was that it? Was he just trying to get his dick wet? Old Dean would occasionally pull those tricks with me, though they were usually few and far between, but would the new Dean do that? Was it even a low bar thing to do? Maybe it’s a pity date, and he’s only taking me out because I’ve been so incapable of being able to replace him with someone who is better - who probably doesn’t even exist - that he’s now just feeling sorry for me. Why, oh why the ever living fuck am I even over analysing this? Dean wanted to take me for drinks so why should I care what his motive is. This is a fucking opportunity for me to relax and let loose a little. To not be mom for a few hours. To be me. And why should I care if he wants to fuck me? I should be flattered, right? That he possibly still finds me attractive? And I can’t deny that it’s been a while since I’ve had half decent sex - or any sex at all for this matter. 

“Yes,” I blurted, perhaps a little aggressively. 

“Yes?” he smiles again, that easy, contagious smile, “you’ll let me take you on a date?”

“So it is a date?” I couldn’t help but mirror his grin, adding my own amused tone.

“Wasn’t that obvious?”

“Well, no, you said you’d ‘take me out’. That could mean anything. You could’ve meant with a fucking gun.”

Dean erupted into laughter, shaking his head. That laugh. I remember likening it to a favourite song that was so easy to put on repeat. It was addictive.

“Ok, so I’m not taking you out with a gun. I’m taking you out on a date. Have I dumbed it down enough for ya’ know?”

“If you were any clearer you’d be transparent,” I said, my tone bordering on mocking. 

“Great, well, me and Sammy have a few loose ends to tie up from this case we’re on, so we need to head out soon. We’ll be back by the evening though, soooo…. Be ready for six?”

I nodded eagerly, watching as he stood from the table. The sight of him in the henley - plaid bottoms combo makes me want to have a cozy day indoors, watching nothing but scary movies and scarfing down popcorn and cookie dough. The sigh I heave from my lungs was totally involuntary. 

“Yeah,” I smile, “six is perfect.”

Kat and Toby arrived at the house around noon. Whilst the boys race upstairs to get on with God-knows-what, Kat strides in with a knowing smirk when she clocks the duffle bags that are clearly not mine beside the couch, along with the lingering aroma that's distinctly masculine intertwining with the pumpkin spice from my scented candles. As I studied her face for all but a few seconds, I braced myself for the flurry of questions that I knew were buzzing around her mind.

“Sooooo…” her tone was already amused as she flopped down onto the couch. “Anything you need to tell me?”

“What? Who do you think I am?” I scoff at her words, yet my pulse quickens at the thought of telling her about my plans for tonight. 

“I think you're a woman still in love with her childhood sweetheart and that he's already sweeping you off your feet.”

“I am not still in love with him. I can't possibly be in love with someone I've not seen for almost a decade.”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Bitch, don't ‘mmm hmm’ me. I'm not in love with Dean.”

“Would you fuck him?”

“God yes.”

“So you're keeping him around for the possibility of good dick?”

I threw myself down beside her on the couch, pulling a throw cushion into my lap.

“No, that is so not true. I can't believe you'd think me so shallow,” I held my hand to my chest in mock devastation. She hummed again.

“Didn't you do that to what's-his-face?”

“Who?”

“The guy you dated about a year ago, drove around in that Mustang?”

“Oh shit yeah! I think his name was Chad? Or maybe Brad…? Ok yeah, I did kinda keep him around for his dick… and his car. That car was awesome.”

“You shallow, shallow bitch.”

I threw the cushion which hit her square in the face, likely leaving a print of her lipstick behind on the soft fabric.

“But that was just some dude that was only with me so he could fucking tick ‘banged a milf’ off his bucket list. This is Dean I'm talking about. He's… well… he's Dean. And he's not here for me. He's here for Levi. Don't blame a man for wanting to stick around when he's just found out he's got a kid,” I gave her a look that said ‘I fucking love you but please can we drop this now’, and she did, one final hum moving past her lips. We stared at each other for a moment, her expression one of a studious nature and mine one of feigned innocence. This woman could read me like a book, and I both simultaneously loved and hated it. I loved it, because when something went wrong, and quite often in my life things did, she just knew. She knew to be at mine that same evening with a bottle of red and a bucket of popcorn, pyjamas on and the boys asleep upstairs. This woman had slept in my bed more times than any man as we continued to have sleepovers like teenagers well into our twenties. Alcoholic sleepovers. Yet I hated how she read me like a book, because like right now, if I was in denial about anything or for some absurd reason trying to keep a secret, she would just know. She was like a fucking mind reader. I chuckled inwardly at the thought of that being true. Maybe Dean should scan her with his Walkman and freak her out. Maybe then she'd get off my case about me still being in love with him. I'm not in love with him. 

“You still aren't telling me something,” her voice was even, the amusement fading slightly as she stared at me, waiting for me to stop beating around the bush. Under the heat of her stare I caved, sighing and slumping even further into the soft cushions behind me.

“He's taking me out…on a date.”

“I FUCKING knew it!”

“What?! How would you know that?!” I almost jumped as she flew forward in her seat, the gleam back in her eyes as she grinned like the Cheshire Cat.

“I didn't know that exactly, but bitch I knew you were hiding something juicy!”

“It's not juicy! It's casual - just drinks. I’m gonna wear jeans.”

“Oh yeah, because flaunting the curvature of ones ass makes it casual…”

“Aren’t you here to collect my kid or something?” I launch into my last resort to end this hellish interrogation - which involved kicking her out.

“Babes you can kick me out of your house but you can’t ignore this,” she stood slowly, her ‘all-knowing’ expression un-faltering. 

“Kat, it’s only day two of him being here! You are getting way ahead of yourself,” I stood with her, shaking my head. 

“Two days plus the whole freakin’ year you were dating. That man is not a stranger to you. Hell, you’ve probably had that coc-”

“THANK YOU, Kat! I love you, you are the yin to my fucking yang but please for the love of CHRIST - shut up!”

Her expression finally cracked and she practically cackled at my discomfort, making her way to the stairs to get the boys.

“Bitch, if I don’t get details about tonight then -”

“Ok I’ll tell you! But seriously, don’t read into it too much, it’s just drinks.”

She strutted to the bottom of the stairs before ascending, calling over her shoulder; “Sure, whatever you say honey!”

It took longer than I'd have hoped, but Kat eventually left with the boys for the remainder of the day. As soon as they'd left the building, it was like I could breathe again - like the house could breathe again. It was a rare occasion for me to have the place to myself for five minutes, let alone a whole twenty four hours. It was like I could finally hear my own thoughts again after the busy breakfast and Kat's dire interrogation. The silence was bliss. It was pure bliss as I made myself a coffee and settled comfortably on the couch, taking a moment to myself. It was blissful right up until my own thoughts started banging at the door in the back of my mind. Thoughts about Dean, and his motives and my motives. Suddenly my relaxing afternoon to myself was quickly becoming a caged-in trap for my internal thoughts to run wild, the drums of possibilities sounding in the far reaches of my brain, beating faster and faster the closer they drew. Almost as quickly as I'd sat down, I jumped up and headed to the store cupboard under the stairs. One thing that could distract me was cleaning, so that's exactly what I was going to do. 

I blitzed the house from top to bottom, hoovering, mopping, cleaning mirrors and windows, dusting and evening folding the pile of laundry that was starting to become part of the furniture. Much to my dismay, that only took up two hours of my time, so I was left with the only other task that I hate more than folding hundreds of small human sized pieces of fabric. Grocery shopping. 

After a manic stock take of the fridge, cupboards and pantry, I made a list, grabbed my bag, threw on my jacket and headed out.

I'd been shopping around the small town convenience store for around twenty minutes, browsing the aisles and throwing everything - plus some extras - from my list into the aggravatingly wonky trolley. I hated grocery shopping with a passion - the constant beeping from the checkouts, the passive aggressive road rage between trolley users, and the dozens of obscenely slow browsers frustrated me beyond belief. I was normally able to push it to a big haul every two weeks, but with the prospect of Sam and Dean staying a while, it was a safe bet to fill the house to the brim with snacks and meals alike. With the lifestyle that those two lived, I can't imagine that they're overly fussy eaters, and I have a hunch that Dean still loves turkey dinosaurs.

The cereal aisle wasn't supposed to be an eventful place - deciding between Cookie Crisp and Cinnamon Squares should be the highlight of this venture. However as my luck would have it, it became eventful.

“Oh hi! (Y/n)!”

I looked up from my crumpled list and was greeted with three faces that I recognised but not to the point of acquaintanceship.

“Uhh, hi? Can I help you?” 

“I just wanted to say that it's so great to finally see that Levi's father is around. It's just so important, isn't it? For a boy to have that male role model,” the first woman spoke; her peroxide blonde hair looked so overbleached it may as well have been straw on her head, and it almost distracted me from her painfully patronising voice.

“Excuse me? Do I know you?” My voice started to take on a defensive edge as my palms immediately grew sweaty, this situation already making me uncomfortable. 

She laughed, looking over at her friend's like I'd asked some stupid fucking question. 

“Our son's go to the same school - you should really know this.”

“Well, if our sons aren't friends, then why would I need to?” 

She took a deep breath. 

“I just think it's funny how someone like you managed to get someone like… what's his name… Dean? Isn't he a little out of your league?”

My pulse thrummed as my frustration grew with the sudden, unsolicited and blatant attack. How the fuck did they know Deans name? Someone must've overheard us at Jolenes'... or maybe at the track? And what the fuck did she mean by ‘out of my league’? If she was insinuating what I thought she was, then she's going to need to head over to the fucking freezer aisle real freaking soon.

“Excuse me?” 

She smirked, knowing she was sinking her plastic fucking talons into my skin already.

“Oh I think you heard me. Does Dean know? That you trapped him? When you got pregnant on purpose at nineteen?”

My blood began to boil as I white knuckled the handle of the trolley to stop myself from punching her square between the eyes.

“Fuck you; I didn't ‘trap him’. Is that really what you cliquey bitches think?” I was equal parts furious and heartbroken. Furious, because how fucking dare they assume that just because Dean is a God tier DILf that I fooled him into getting me pregnant all those years ago. And heartbroken because, well, is that really what the people in this town thought of me? If these women thought that, then who's to say half the town don't think the same? Or maybe more - maybe it's the whole freaking town with Kat being the only exception, and I've been living so cocooned in my own bubble that it never even occurred to me. But Dean has barely even been here a day, so I can’t exactly blame myself for being so wrapped up in my own life with everything going on. How can people form such strong opinions so quickly when they don’t even know the whole story? My story with Dean. Not theirs. They’ve somehow managed to put two and two together to come up with negative fucking ten, and I’ll be damned if I let them drag our names through the mud.

“Oh honey, we know that you tricked him. A man like that, with that face and physique would never have chosen you willingly, right? I mean, you really don’t look his type.”

“Oh, and you do? Because you know Dean so well?”

“That’s enough!” We were caught off guard by the oldest of the three, a woman perhaps in her fifties, snapping in a clipped tone. “Michelle, that’s quite enough, you’re taking this too far now. And you,” she turned to me with a stern gaze, “that man looks like trouble. We don’t like those sorts around here; you tell him to behave himself.” My anger and frustration was quickly melting into straight up irritation.

“Look, lady-”

“Karen.”

“Sure, ok… look, Deans a grown ass man, he can do whatever the fuck he likes - he’s here on a job. I’m not telling him to do shit.”

“Language! Such a foul mouth-”

“Is he single?” our heads quickly snapped to the third woman of the group - younger than the other two but still a little older than myself. She was a near double of the blonde from the hair to the clothes to the claws, yet she seemed to lack the spite.

“What?” yet another question that caught me off guard. What the fuck is wrong with these women?

“Dean, is he single? I mean, I’ve not seen him, but from how you describe him, he seems hot,” she twirled a lock of hair around her finger like a school girl despite likely being in her thirties.

“Hannah you’re married,” Karen chimed in with obvious disgust. 

That was it, the last fucking straw. I’d had enough of the ambush from three women that I barely even knew. I adjusted my grip on the trolley and quickly planned my escape route, spotting an opening in the crowd to the side. I gritted my teeth and steeled my gaze, the bitter taste of disgust, fury, and disappointment coating my tongue as I all but spat my words.

“This has been a riveting conversation, truely, but I’m leaving. Now,” and with that I hastily left them behind, finishing my shopping with the dark cloud of judgement looming over me. 

The urge to cry hot, angry tears in the car on the ride home was a battle I didn't want to fight. The intensity of the emotions brewing in the pit of my stomach and bubbling into my chest was so strong, so consuming that I didn't even realise I was pulling into my own driveway, having completed the short journey on what I like to call ‘blackout autopilot’. One tear was shed over the shitshow, and in my opinion, that was one tear too many. I was annoyed at myself with having let it get to me so much, knowing I'd grown thicker skin than this. It wasn't the first time I'd been confronted, like a fucking black sheep in a blindingly white flock, yet for some reason, this got to me. At this point, I was drained from even thinking about it, so I grabbed the groceries, making several trips to get them all in the house, put away the fridge and freezer items and left the rest on the counter to deal with later. Right now, I needed a large glass of wine and something to distract myself with. So I decided on the only thing I had going for me at this point in time.

Time to pick an outfit for tonight.

My bedroom was a modest size and the king-size bed practically consumed the room. I had a large, sliding mirrored-door wardrobe that was built into the structure of the room which I flung open and started to rummage through as soon as I made it upstairs.

I'd told myself - and Kat - that it was casual. Dean had implied it, so this shouldn't be too hard to find something nice to wear.

Wrong.

I must've spent the best part of an hour trying on dozens of different tops with my only pair of ‘nice’ jeans - those ones that hugged my ass and thighs just right. I tried long sleeves, short sleeves, chiffon, cotton, satin, opaque, obscenely translucent, bright, monochrome and in all honesty, I felt inadequate in every single one. I'd never really been one to feel overly self conscious of how I looked, but for some absurd reason, this date with Dean was making me flustered. It had me worried that he wouldn’t like how I looked, especially since I’d had Levi and my body had changed in a way that he didn’t know just yet. 

Just yet. 

I cursed myself slightly, shaking that idea from my head. Yes, I’ve had plenty of time to try and get myself back to normal, but some things just weren't the same anymore, and probably never would be. I hated the fact that I was even stressed about this. The safest option was to just go for something comfortable, so I donned a stretchy, low-cut and long sleeved black top and slid on a pair of black closed-toe heels before sitting down at my dresser. 

I’d just opened my makeup bag when I heard the door downstairs open and close, quickly followed by the oddly comforting sounds of Sam and Deans voices floating through the house and up the stairs. I turned to myself in the mirror, sighing at the tired looking woman staring back at me. Get your shit together, (Y/n), Dean is taking you on a date. I grasped my over-sharpened eyeliner pencil that was likely no longer than an inch in length and got to work. I suddenly flinched and nearly poked myself in the eye when Dean appeared in my bedroom doorway.

“Jesus, Dean! You scared the crap out of me - I didn’t even hear you come up the stairs.”

He grinned slightly as he leant against the wooden frame, large arms crossing over his chest. 

“Sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to…” his voice trailed off and I could feel his eyes on me, as though he was searching for something. A few moments went by in silence, and right as I was about to turn to him, he spoke.

“Hey, are you ok?” His voice was dangerously soft, and concerned in a way that could easily have me weeping in his arms. Because of the shitty afternoon I’d had, I feel like it wouldn’t take much kindness from him to have me crumble - no matter how much I’d hate myself for it afterwards. Instead, I pushed everything down as best as I could and turned to him with a weak smile.

“Yeah, I’m ok. I’ve had a bit of a weird, shitty afternoon but I won’t ruin your evening with it.” At my words he pulled a face, his own words quickly following.

“It’s your evening. And if there’s something eating at you, you know you can talk to me. Just like you used to,” his smile was back, warm and comforting and like a balm over a burn. I looked back at myself in the mirror for a moment, debating if it was even worth talking about. If it was anyone but Dean, I wouldn’t hesitate to keep this to myself. But it was Dean, and I hated to say it, but he was always good at dealing with me when I was like this in the past. I turned to him and let his calming presence seep into my bones, desperately trying to take it on myself.

“Ok,” I said quietly, “I’ll tell you at the bar. But I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, and I don’t want to talk about it all evening,” He nodded.

“Whatever you need sweetheart,” he stood up straight and said something about getting ready himself before he left the room, leaving me to finish up before finally heading downstairs. 

It was roughly another fifteen minutes before I made my way down; Dean already waiting for me in the archway to the kitchen. He looked up as he heard me coming, eyes brightening when he grinned at me.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” his voice was smooth and deep, a flirtatious undertone rumbling in his chest. 

“Not so bad yourself Winchester,” I walked up to stand in front of him, almost toe-to-toe. I looked him over, taking in the black shirt he wore, untucked and paired his jeans. The boots and brown leather jacket remained the same, yet I could see the damp patches on both from where he’d scrubbed either mud or blood from the fabric - perhaps both. It wouldn’t be the first time. I took a deep breath, my pulse quickening as his scent filled my senses. 

“Have you eaten yet?” he asked, removing a hand from his pocket and let it hang awkwardly at his side. I shook my head. 

“Not yet, I sometimes forget to eat when Levi isn’t around.” Dean shot me a look that could have been both concerned or protective.

“Ok, well I’m taking you for dinner too then.”

“What? No Dean, you really don’t have t-”

“Don’t argue with me sweetheart, I'm fucking feeding you,” his tone was final, leaving no room for negotiation so I sighed in defeat. 

“Fine, but we’re not going anywhere expensive.”

His smirk widened across his face as he continued to look down at me, finally placing that awkwardly hanging hand on the small of my back, guiding me to the door. He shouted a ‘goodbye’ to Sam over his shoulder and, without really waiting for a reply, he ushered me out of the house and towards the car, locking up behind us. I walked up to the black vehicle, the excitement starting to bubble at the thought of going for a ride in her again after all this time. As Dean walked up to me, he opened the passenger side door, letting me hop in first. I took my seat, quickly dumping my bag and jacket in the footwell so I could softly run my fingertips over the perfectly maintained leather seats, noticing how not a thing had changed - not even the box of cassettes on the back seat. As Dean slid into the drivers seat, his expression something akin to pride, he couldn’t help but comment on my reaction to being back in the impala.

“I bet you missed Baby more than you missed me,” he joked, turning the key and letting the engine roar into life. I bit my lip, leaning back in my seat.

“I missed you both equally,” the humorous tone came easily, my earlier worries already started to feel insignificant as they slipped away with every tick of the engine.

“Equally?” he echoed, feigning hurt, “you don’t even prefer me just a little bit more?”

I pretended to ponder intently, holding a finger to my lips as I crossed my arms over my chest. An obnoxious string of ‘hmmms’ slipped through my lips before I saw him roll his eyes, still grinning.

“Yeah, I guess I do. Especially since you're taking me on a date,” my own words made my heart flutter and luckily he'd moved his gaze from me to the road as he pulled out of my drive. My face felt warm and I cursed at myself for being so easily affected by him already, entranced by the way those long fingers wrapped around the steering wheel and the muscles in his jaw flexed under the glow of the passing street lamps. I couldn't deny that he was still painfully attractive, even after all this time. If I was being honest with myself, he was making it incredibly difficult to concentrate on much else right now. If drinks were soon to be involved, there was a very high chance of me making a total ass of myself in front of him.

Tonight was likely going to be one to remember.

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[only-luce-the-goose]

Relax

A/N: This is my first SPN fic, I hope it's good.

Sam Winchester x Female!Reader

Synopsis: Your tired boyfriend is trying to dig up all the lore he can on a new creature. He's been at it for hours and just won't take a break, it's a good thing you're pretty convincing.

Warnings: titty sucking, mommy kink (if you squint)

"Cmonnnnn Sammy, it's 1am, you can't sit there all night. You gotta come to bed at some point." You said as you walked over to him, coming behind him, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. He leaned his head into yours and sighed. "I have to figure this out, Y/N. Something doesn't add up and it's driving me crazy." You have his shoulders a squeeze as you replied "Why don't you come try again in the morning, give yourself a break and come back with fresh eyes. I'll even help you!" Sam chuckled, everyone knew you hated researching, reading was never on your to do list.

"Thank you for the offer gorgeous, but I'll sleep easier if I can just figure this out" the yawn that followed that sentence was far from convincing. "Guess I have to take a different approach." You swung your leg around, perching yourself on his lap "I'm gonna try something you've been wanting to try" Sam looked up at you as he said "What do you mean beautiful?" Your smirked and sent him a wink "You'll see, baby"

*Flashback*

You’re chilling on the bed you share with Sam when he comes sauntering in, “I have a question” he states as he stops at the end of the bed. “Well, hello to you too handsome” you chuckle “what’s up?” He comes over and sits next to you as he says “you know how I get in those research funks, how I just can’t figure it out and no matter how hard you try, you can’t make me leave?” You give him a look when you say “of course I do, I hate it when you get all funked”

Sam chuckles when you say funked. Even after being with the boys for years, hearing Sam laugh still gives you butterflies. “I think I know a way to make me forget about my funk for a little bit” he says. You raise your eyebrow “if you say sex, I’m gonna slap you!” Now Sam full blown laughs, “that’s not what I was going to say” then he starts stuttering “well-I-ya know-it-umm-when…”

After amusing yourself a little more, you cut him off. “Spit it out, Winchester!” Sam signed, a defeated look crossed his face when he abruptly says “I wanna suck your tits!” As soon as he realised the word that came out of his mouth, he turned beet red. He all but ran out of the room while you sat there shocked.

You quickly jumped up, running after him. “Sam, Sam wait! Please Sam, let’s just talk!” You caught him running I got the control room, catching the door before he could lock it. “I’m sorry Y/N! I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I know it’s weird and I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.” Sam rambled. You giggled a little, finding his word vomiting amusing. “What?” He leaned his head to the side. “Well, Sammy, what if I told you that I would be down to try that,” you started. “One condition though” you said as he nodded. I get to start it randomly, when I feel like that would be a really good time” you watched his face to gauge his reaction. “Ok” he replied with a smile.

*End Flashback*

“I remember” Sam said with a small smile. “Well” you said as you lifted up the hoodie, revealing to him that you had no bra “have at it.” Sam broke into a grin, placing his hands on your ass to bring you closer, kissing you as a silent thanks. He attached his lips to your right nipple and began sucking. He shoulder relaxed, arms shaking around your waist while yours played with his hair.

There was absolutely nothing sexual about what was happening at all, just a pure distraction. After a few minutes, Sam licked over your right nipple a few more times before switching to your left one, sucking on it as hard as the first. Dam signed contently as he eventually worked his way to the valley of your breasts, kissing and sucking the skin there.

You pulled his head back for a minute, sleep evident in his eyes. “Ready for bed Sammy?” He looked up with tired eyes, “yeah” he said he picked you up. Slowly, he made his way through the hall with you still wrapped around him. Upon finding the bed, he gently layer you both down as you drifted off to sleep, Sam’s head against your chest.

A/N: Hope you like it! Requests are open!

[robin-writess]

hi I'm the anon that was requesting the Sean thing

it was so late at night I wrote Javier instead of Sean in my request and it became really messy, I'm so sorry. It was all meant to be only about Sean idk why I wrote Javier...

(it's 1am rn it's again - really late, I'm sorry if the things I write make no sense, I'm struggling😭)

Ohh okay! Don’t worry I do the same thing sometimes😭😭 also I am so very sorry for the long wait!! Please forgive me if this is bad I really hope you like it !!

🎀Sean x Fem!Reader ; ‘you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen’🎀

• summary : You and Sean were invited to go with Dutch to a fancy party in Saint Denis, in which you’ll need to dress real fancy and nice. The whole reason y’all went was to find job opportunities, but Sean couldn’t concentrate on his main goal during all this, he’s too busy drooling over you.

“Come on!” You hear Dutch yell, “if we’re gonna make it to this party we sure as shit better clean up a little.”

You take that as your cue to get ready as you head toward the old, decaying house to get dressed. Around ten minutes later, you walk out in a beautiful long, flowy dress (something like this, or this), your hair done beautifully and your makeup so stunning.

Dutch and Sean stand near the stagecoach as they wait for you. “Ah there she is,” Dutch says as he stops talking to Sean and looks over at you, “you ready?”

“Yep, all set.” You say as he helps you up into the coach.

The two men follow behind you and take their seats.

“Now what were you saying Sean?” Asks Dutch.

“Uh- I uh.. can’t remember,” Sean stutters, causing Dutch to stare at him in silence before looking over at you and back to Sean with a knowing look.

There’s a smirk on his face as he chuckles, “well anyways, about this party…..”

—————

The coach comes to a stop as you’ve finally arrived. One by one you all step out and start making your way towards the entrance, handing all your weapons to the guard before entering.

“Sean, you do your thing,” Dutch says under his breath so only you and Sean can hear, “go talk to people, try to get as much information as you can. Y/n, you too.”

“Yes sir,” you both say in unison.

Stepping out onto the balcony, you see Bronte and a few other men. “Ah, the angry cowboys, you’ve arrived!” He says, “and you’ve washed!”

You take in your surroundings, hearing the sounds of people chatting and laughing together, music playing, and smelling the fresh air. You look around at all the fancy decor, the well dressed men and women in the crowd, but the feeling of someone watching you brings you back to reality. You see Sean eyeing you up and down from the corner of your eye.

‘That’s a little odd..’ you think to yourself, ‘he isn’t usually this quiet.’

“This is quite a party you’ve invited us to,” Dutch smiles and shakes Bronte’s hand. “Yes, quite something..” he replies.

The Italian man starts rambling on about the mayor, the natives, a major in the war and his young wife. It starts to bore you, you grow weary of the fake smile plastered across your face.

“Y/n,” Sean whispers, “I think we should get going.”

You nod in response. “We’ll be on our way sir,” you say to Bronte before going down to join the party with Sean.

Of course you still see that Sean’s attention is all on you as you make your way toward the crowd of people.

“Is there something on my face?” You ask, “something wrong with my dress or something? You’ve been staring at me the whole time Sean.”

“N-no there’s nothing wrong with your dress,” Sean nervously says, “and there’s nothing on your face.”

“Then what?” You chuckle.

“Uhm..” before Sean could even get his sentence out you all hear a loud noise, followed by “ooh”s and “wow”s from the crowd.

You both look up and see the most beautiful colors exploding in the sky, it’s like nothing you’ve seen before. It puts a huge smile on your face.

“Sean, look it’s so pretty!” You smile brightly at him before turning your attention back to the sky.

“You’re so pretty…” Sean says, not taking his eyes off of you despite the rare sight in front of him.

“Huh..?” You turn back to him, your smile faded into a confused look.

“Y/n, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen..” Sean starts, “especially tonight.. you look so pretty in that dress, your eyes are so stunning I just get lost in them every time you look at me.”

You feel your face heat up as he says all this. “Woah Sean, that was so random… are you serious?” You ask.

“I mean it.” He says.

You’re speechless. Did Sean really just say all of that to you?

“Sean I-” he cuts you off, his lips press against yours and his hand caressing your cheek.

“I love you, y/n…” Sean says as he pulls away.

“I-I love you too Sean…” you stare deep in his eyes, still at a loss for words.

[beardedmrbean]

Ravioli/raviolo anon here. It occurred to me that I never followed up on my story of how I escaped my roommate's various attempts on my life and I managed to dodge them all like some drunken Mr. Bean. (Is that what I said? I hardly remember, lol. For the record, I don't really drink so much anymore. After I walked home from a birthday celebration a few years back (it wasn't a rager or anything, the bar was just across the road and my birthday is in February so we didn't want to go far) and coldcocked my dome running at top speed into a fence (I was trying to make it into the exit gate before it closed, didn't realize there was a post that came out horizontally across because I don't see very well on account of the fact that I wear colored lenses), I cracked my skull and you can still see where I hit the fence (on my head, I mean, it was a wrought iron fence so I assume I didn't damage it but I never checked), so that's when I realized it was time to slow down).

So it WAS a true story, (I don't really watch television or read much though so if it does resemble a piece of media, I wouldn't know it, lol). Anyway, since I tend to ramble, I will make an effort to keep this in the realm of "less than a novel" but I can't exactly make any promises. I don't know how to add a "read more" or anything fancy like that so in the interest of shortening it I won't be offended if you screenshot only the important parts or even just don't answer it, lol.

There's a little bit of backstory about how I ended up living with the roommate and why he wanted to kill me, long story short he was in the hole about $1600 with me because he bought a motorcycle from me but was "still making payments" on it. He suggested I come room with him in this cheap apartment while we both drove for UPS for peak season. He got fired day two on the job, and so after that he planned to rob me as soon as I finished the season. (In addition to never paying for the bike). I'm a simple guy, though, so I really only had my truck (worthless) and a mattress, and I was just working for the love of the sport so I sent all my checks to my mother and had her send me back a hundred a week. So he can't rob me, so he decides at this point he's mad enough to kill me, and thinks himself pretty clever and that he can do it without getting caught.

About a week into this nonsense, he tells me he's got a job interview in NYC or something, he's gonna be gone tonight, whatever. I'm like, fine, no big deal, hope you get the job, buddy, I'm pretty terrible at this whole UPS thing so I'll be back at midnight or something when I'm done my route. I get home, and I'm about to go to bed, and that's when I decided at about 1AM I sincerely want a grilled cheese sandwich. So I got up, drove across town, and went over to a buddy's house for grilled cheese at 1AM. Come to find out we had a gas leak all night and my roommate is just VERY SHOCKED that we BOTH happened to be out, what are the odds. I'm all "hey, man, God is good, I'll drink to that, get me another beer".

Not long after that, I finish my route at who friggin' knows how late, I'm the last guy in the lot, even the security guards have gone home, and my truck (which cannot be locked, I don't have a key for the door so I leave it unlocked) is, what the heck, locked. I have no way of calling my roommate (same reason why I drove across town to find my buddy instead of just calling and asking: I didn't have a phone at the time), and it's looking like I might just freeze to death out here because it's -3F and it's after midnight in New England, so there's nobody out and about. Well, nobody, except this old Russian guy who sees me standing next to my truck, asks if I need help, and when I tell him I'm locked out, he tells me he's been in prison a few times for carjacking and will get me into my truck in no time. Which he does. So I bring him home with me and we have a beer (he had a few more than me, I had to work in the morning. You know how it is.) (And for the record I have never driven under the influence. I didn't go to college, my CDL is all I have. I don't dick around with that.)

So at this point, my roommate is pretty pissed. I'm either too hammered or too tired to notice. UPS is really kicking my ass. It's finally Christmas time, time to celebrate the end of peak season with a trip to the bar, oorah. He gives me a bottle of Poland Springs and says to drink the whole thing, it's water and we're gonna be drinking hard tonight, gotta hydrate or die-drate, bitch. I knock it back and wouldn't you know it, that son of a bitch didn't give me water, this is straight Everclear. I get to the bar and I'm already sick, I go straight to the toilet and barf all over the place. Somewhere along the line I went up to the bar and started dozing off, at which point they kicked me out, so roommate says "don't worry, I'm gonna take him home". Not sure what the plan from there was, tbqh. I DO know that I realized about halfway out of the city that we weren't headed back to our apartment, and that we were headed towards either Connecticut or NYC, and I told him I wanted to go back home because I did NOT want to go to NYC because if we were going to NYC, that meant we were probably going to watch Eric Andre with his boring cousin in Queens and I was really not in the mood. I'm pretty sure he planned on dumping me somewhere on the highway where I'd freeze to death, and I was slipping back and forth out of consciousness, but I was SO consumed by how badly I did NOT want to go to Queens and watch Eric Andre, I called the cops and told them I was being kidnapped to watch Eric Andre. They were more concerned about the kidnapping part for some reason, (criminal restraint, I think is actually what they called it), caught up to roommate and I halfway out of Clifton Park (we'd apparently been doing 110MPH on the freeway and he was swerving all over the place) and he got arrested.

The next morning the cops told me I should press charges, but that meant staying in the state (because I'd have to be there when it went to trial) and I had other plans. So, I let karma do its work on the roommate (no idea where he is now or what's become of him, but I do know he lost his license and later blew every cent he had on some raffle scam for a Toyota out in California), packed up my stuff, and moseyed on.

I'm marathoning The Twilight Zone with a friend online today (watching the same eps on the same service) this was wilder than any episode I've seen ever.

[luoisalunitic]

discussing HK stuff (spoilersers)

Hollow knight is certainly a funky game am I right? So, we know almost nothing about the void civilization or anything really, like TLC’s mother, (Heretic) Joni, where the fuck WL came from, and the whole bell situation in Silksong, I’ll be mossbag today and try to figure something’s out

Most of the things that I mention about the bells in Silksong is from mossbags bell video, like the notes that play when hitting the bell and as someone who works at a daycare with music stuff and in orchestra, I can say that mossbag is right about the notes being played. The notes seem to be a Pharloom anthem or something, as a bass version plays at the beginning of the trailer, whenever the bells are played and in a Lace fight if I remember the trailer right. Music seems to play a big role in Pharloom, from the music note like symbol on top of Hornets cage, to Hornet learning how to play her needle from the church person in the mossy pit area, and to Lace conducting those butterfly bird things. We can also tell that silk plays a big part as well, as addition to the symbol on Hornets cage, the ball looks like a ball of silk (haha get it? Silksong)

I’d like to discuss HK and PK next, we can guess that the idea instilled was the memory at the end of Path of Pain with PK and HK, but is it just that memory? surely other characters helped with the idea, right? like White Lady, maybe the Great Knights and Dreamers? Hornet definitely would’ve played a role in that, but, what if it was Ghost who instilled the idea? That one moment in the abyss.. two siblings facing each other.. one ending up falling while the other one joins the ranks of their father….. okay that’s enough rambling for me

Another things is what the fuck is Lost Kin doing? why the fuck is it in Ancient Basin if the door was sealed off and Deepnest is on the other side of the tram? PK must’ve taken Lost Kin, or maybe Ogrim? Like wasn’t Ogrim exiled?? maybe that’s why he was exiled idk guys, but that also means Lost is older than both HK and Ghost, and i can only assume that Lost died from someone attacking them, because how in the ever loving fuck do you trip and shatter your frontal lobe /silly

that’s kinda all tbh, hope you enjoyed my 1am ramblings

[alexturne]

My experience at the show at Spektrum Arena, Norway, 30th april 2023 ❤️

THIS WAS THE BEST FUCKING CONCERT EVER.

I loved the person who'd done a list of highlights/thoughts and here's mine. It helps me remember what the fuck even happened 😂

SO! I'd been looking so much fucking forward to this show, and it just meant so much to me. They've been my favourite band since 2005 and I've never had the chance to see them before. And it was just the most wholesome experience. That's the best way i can describe it. I'd expected to feel super emotional and cry my eyes out, but I was just happy. Perfectly and superbly and absolutely HAPPY! Blessed to be there and to get to experience being in the same room as my favourite band and sing their songs with them. I was so so so so so happy and kept smiling and recording to have everything to relive later, and they were in a great mood and they sounded INCREDIBLE and Alex was such a little sweetheart. The most adorable man on the planet!!!

I can't describe the endless happiness i felt in my heart getting to sing along at the top of my lungs to my favourite songs, to watch these guys I've been admiring for almost two decades and finally see them with my OWN TWO EYES LIKE FUCK! And watch them play and interact and Alex being so happy and chipper, and getting to watch them do their thing fucking expertly.

And being in a room of other people who share that joy was just amazing. All i want is to do it all again. It was perfect, everything I ever wanted, exactly what I'd been expecting. I'd hoped for a different setlist, but who fucking cares! It was amazing and I wouldn't trade anything for the world.

SO! Highlights and rambly thoughts incoming!

FLUORESCENT ADOLESCENT!!!!!!! I SCREAMED

Other highlights for me were teddy picker, suck it and see, mirrorball and body paint. I was genuinely blown away by how astoundingly beautiful mirrorball is and i got so emotional thinking back to when the video dropped and i was up crying at 1am and how we all shared it and it was just 😭😭 flashlight moment here also

R u mine and dancefloor fucking SLAP!! They're just sosososoos good and fun and they sound awesome!!

I FREAKED OUT SEING THE GUITARS!!!!!

In general i thought the audio was really good!! Alex's voice sounded incredible and the band played exquisitely!! The sound in the arena wasn't muddled at all and it wasn't so loud everything was drowned out. also the big screens are so pretty??? the big circle one ofc but also the others, the colour grading is superb and my photos dont do it justice at all! i loved watching when the circle would create an infinite image of circles and alex's face in the middle

I was the only one standing up and dancing in my entire section during brianstorm but i was too busy rocking out to care

He said "hellooooo... I'm over here... By the piano!" after the lights had gone down and he'd moved there in the dark, it was the most adorable thing ever. His voice was all small and smooth and cute and jazzy, like the lounge singer he is. Could so easily imagine him in a dark jazz club somewhere sweet talking everyone from behind his piano

His voice is higher in real life!!! Someone said it and it's so true!! Sounded so much like his older self

He was in such a great mood! So happy and excited to be there and he kept saying little things to us, saying "so many rockers gathered under one roof, Oslo!!"

During the big solo in body paint he went around to all his bandmates and played with them all, giggling and smiling and it was ADORABLE. And the solo itself was SO LONG AND COOL AND AWESOME !! He just kept playing!!!! AND he also did the piano thing at the same time! And before he started playing the solo he did a little headnod to himself

He did the bowling bit during pretty visitors!!! and celebrated himself for landing an imaginary strike

The crowd was a little dead, very much just TikTok people and dads with their little kids. At least in my area. Might've been better down on the floor tho

Before they went on during the preshow playlist the crowd did a big wave all around the arena!

There was a flashlight show during four out of five! and there was the red blinking lights and a slow ending!!

It was literally the most wholesome experience!!! I was smiling the whole time, so happy just to see them having fun and playing and being happy. It was exactly everything I wanted it to be

Except for the fact that they didn't play From The Ritz or Perfect Sense 😔

The lights and the mirrorballs were so pretty!!! People screamed for it!!! They had two! the one in the ceiling and the one on the set and they used that one during wanna be yours

At the end of R U Mine? Alex went up to Matt and they had a little chat and giggle and I caught it on the big screen and Alex looked like Humbug and taotu for a second and then his smile was so pretty and I'm !!!!! 😭😭😭😭🥰❤️❤️🥰❤️ Most adorable man in existence!!!!

And the end Alex didn't want to leave the stage and he kept blowing kisses and waving even after everyone else had gone and the lights had been turned off, he just kept waving 😭 i sent him so many kisses back i just couldn't help myself

He kept saying "Terrific!" and "Excellent!!! Really, excellent!!" and he mentioned he was having such a nice time!!

HIS VOICE DURING DO I WANNA KNOW WAS SOME OF HIS BEST VOICE WORK THIS ENTIRE TOUR.!!!

When they returned for the encore everyone was applauding and screaming and he tapped his heart and did a little shy gesture, like waving his hands at us like "oh stop it you" VERY CUTE

HIS VOICE IS SO BEAUTIFUL I CANT BELIEVE HOW GOOD HE SOUNDED THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE THING

It was really a lot seeing him irl with MY OWN TWO EYES on stage, and then on the two big screens and ALSO in the big circle screen!! That's a lot of Alex Turner at once and it made me emotional!!

He wore the red scarf when he entered the stage but took it off immediately after sculptures

They did a slow piano bit before why'd you only call me when you're high!

Also the low-key suck it and see intro, the slow solo in crying lightning and slow solo intro for don't sit down too!!! Very cool!!!

His hair was a big gorgeous mess at all times!

Toms guitar malfunctioned during the Arabella solo so Alex and the lights were just going crazy to nothing and i snorted at the view on the big screen of Tom not playing 😂

Star treatment!! "What doya ~*MEAN*~ you've never seen blade runner?" Alex did such a pretty high note and he looked so impressed with himself afterwards. wiped "sweat" off his brow too. also this song is so beautiful??? they do it so well live

Even if the upbeat rockier songs are my absolute favourites, the thing that really hit me at the show was that they really fucking excel at creating beautiful slow moments. The slower songs and the lights and Alex's voice and everything coming together - no one can fucking beat them at that. That's fucking growth, gentlemen. And it was glorious to behold.

Four out of five is so fucking funky when they play it like that! Alex's voice was GORGEOUS ON IT! It reminded me so much of a star wars soundtrack for some reason, like a super cheesy 80s one. also davey played bongos!!!!???

They played the new version of 505 which was great (even if i prefer the punch of the old one) but it was amazing still! Alex played guitar on the Vox Starstream which was a super treat and he seemed to enjoy himself immensely!

He played legit looked like he was going to smash his guitar for a second but then it was just the baseball thing after body paint. wouldn't have put it past him if he'd smashed it tho! his energy was through the roof!

DONT SIT DOWN IS A FUCKING BANGER AND IT KICKS MY ASS. Alex was stomping all over the stage to the beat and rocking out so hard!! It sounded SO GOOD and it's still one of my absolute favourite live tracks of theirs !! It's so fucking cool, the beat is so deep and heavy and the guitars are back it up and !!!! I WAS SCREAMING FOR THIS ONE!!! Lived up to all of my expectations!!

Also they did teddy picker and i was so happy!!!!!!!! Was rocking out so hard!!! I love that one and it works so well live and !!!! LOVED IT!!! Even if i knew it would probably be at the expense of Ritz

Sculptures REALLY PACKS A PUNCH!!!!!! ITS SO POWERFUL!!!! I was so sad that it was over so soon, we need it twice in the setlist!

THE CROWD WAS SO LOUD! Mostly during the popular songs BUT STILL IT WAS A JOY and I'm so proud so many people love this little band

Alex did a big wave your arms bit during pretty visitors and it was so much fun!

Also even if Arabella is kinda overplayed at this point it's still such a live banger!!! And they obviously have a lot of fun playing it

Alex did a really pretty note during Teddy Picker "that says that we ~*AREEEEE*~ defenders.." very cooooool loved the energy of this performance 🥰

Between don't sit down and why'd you only call me Alex sat down at the piano (see earlier point 😭) and played a little interlude where he sang "that was don't sit down cause i moved your chaaaaaiiirrrr oslo and now is why.. you only call me when you're hiiiigghhh...." very cool and smooth and jazzyyyyy

He generally said a lot of little things in between songs, saying OSLO!! all the time and little comments

The big mirrorball was lowered during big ideas and it was very pretty! He did the sit down slam thing on the piano! he looked very serious for a lot of the song!

He did a lot of spreading his arms and posing, lots of running hands through his hair, lots of stomping and waddling around on stage.. all in all very cute behaviour!!

[vampirecatsw]

*CLAPS HANDS AND RUBS THEM TOGETHER* NOW THAT I'M FINISHED ANSWERING YOUR ASK, CYN. (BLESS YOU, BLESS YOU!) PLEASE DO THE CHARACTER OPINION BINGO FOR KAITO, AOKO, SHINICHI, AND RAN. PRETTY PLEASE. MAY YOUR DAY BE SPECTACULAR!

Hi! Here's my ask with drawings (of various quality, you can see as I drew more I got more into the swing HAAHHAH. That's what I get for being so rusty - I don't actually draw that often.) The colours I used are ones I associate with the characters!

ft. my very informal writing style, probably like a thousand typos because I'm typing this at 1am, and many shoutouts to amazing dcmk creators 🥰

Also, please check out Anna's ask! https://akai-anna.tumblr.com/post/739521989281234944/hey-there-my-lovely-mutual-3-3-i-love-when-you

Anna, you're so lovely, fr. I hope this makes you giggle and swing your feet, I had such a fun time thinking about them! I added my own flair with my drawings <3

Feel free to ask me to decipher any handwriting

P.s. That character with the hat you'll see is my sona! I'm calling him Sol because that's another online name I seem to take up often. Feel free to call me Sol as well!

(Shameless plug: Check out my art blog - cyndraws - if you like my art! Also, it has some au ramblings too ^v^. https://cyndraws.tumblr.com/)

KAITO

Bingo count: 4 (well, If I ticked only more more box, I could have extra bingos for almost every extra box I ticked haha...)

The art: I gave up at first and just drew him as a stick figure. Then I added clothes to him, that's why he's so proportionally off,,, My beloved blorbo, I feel like I did you so dirty 😭

Fun challenge: Guess what I was inspired by when I drew Kaito's and Aoko's outfits.

I'm literally in love with him no joke. The love is too intense aughhdfk. What kind of love? Yes. I would do anything for him. I'd be so clingy fr.

Headcanons? Sooo many. Not even a joke. They're too integrated into my brain at this point so yeah haha

His HANDS. Slim and very fast and flexible. They have callouses - screw smooth hands. Callouses as a sign of his hard work throughout his entire life.

Fox? He's a fox. So silly, little trickster. https://www.tumblr.com/cyndraws/739418480470851584/look-me-in-the-eyes-and-tell-me-kaito-isnt-a-fox

Let's just link my simping art here too: https://www.tumblr.com/cyndraws/739224275061456896/im-such-a-simp-help-me-kaito-simps-unite-pls Please let me squish his cheeks please...PLEASE

Bonus: Old character opinion bingo for Kaito: https://cyndraws.tumblr.com/post/739190201679757312/everyone-if-im-going-to-expose-myself-as-a-kaito I got over the fear 👍 It's from a while back, like maybe... 2022? idk

I love unhinged Kaito

Gender? Please. I'll take any masc at this point HAHAH

Canon isn't real - Like it's amazing but also like... underwhelming. *Shakes it vigorously* GIVE ME MORE. MORE EKODA GANG. MORE SUPPORT FOR KAITO. LET KAITO CRY. I WANT MORE WORLD BUILDING ON AKAKO AND TO SEE THE KUROBA FAMILY MORE (+ a billion more requests.) PLEASE GOSHO IM BEGGING

(It's ok, I got the fics for these cravings 👍)

~

2. AOKO

Bingo count: 0

Wow. I realised just how little brain space I dedicate to her... but she's also so silly. I love her so much. She's a great character to pair up with Kaito (for any relationships, I love when they're having fun together.) She doesn't need more suffering <3

I love sm how in MK1412 they added extra scenes of the Ekoda gang! And Aoko looks so cute in it! (everyone else? ... it varies)

Snowball fight! ^

Now this is a hella hot take but I personally think KaiAo is much more interesting than ShinRan (for me). And fun too, because I've always been drawn to fun and teasing dynamics like these over the more romantic ones (if you get what I mean by more romantic). KaiAo and Shinran both are such wonderful couples though. *Bangs fists on table* THEY'RE BOTH SO UNBEARABLE CUTEEE

Someone told me I have very similar vibes to Aoko and I've been reevaluating myself XDD. No but I can see it. I think we have a similar energy (in my brain at least, I'm much more tired when I go out) and even preferred fashion.

Would give her a kiss anytime. Definitely. Let's go out on a picnic and have a fun hangout. We would be good friends.

Aolele theory by alizardjae: Please check it out!!! https://alizardjae.tumblr.com/post/134111960564/alright-finally-got-around-to-writing-this-thing Basically it's the summary I wrote up there. I whole heartedly believe in it, because it's a fun theory and I've done it before myself (...ehem annoying relatives) - so it's definitely believable. And I love the idea of Aoko Holmes being carried over from Nonchalant Lupin (<- Prototype of Magic Kaito. It's a fun read!)

~

3. SHINICHI/CONAN

Bingo count: 4

Drawing was inspired by that scene where Conan gets suspicious of Hanzawa-san (from The Culprit Hanzawa, a spinoff of dcmk.)

Ok, so the thing is, I have a very strange relationship with him.

He's so silly, right? He so fun, he's adorable, so caring and well meaning, but I'm scared of him. I wouldn't want to meet him. I'm terrified even though he's so nice 😭. So I'd rather observe from a distance (hence the drawing ^ but I'd definitely set off his senses a lot.)

(What does it say about me that I'm scared of Shin/Cone but not Kaito? I'm working on overcoming my fear of Conan/Shin, I promise *on my hands and knees* I REALLY AM)

(My irl friend understands why I'm so terrified, I've explained the crazy stunts he's done and his very illegal spy equipment to them... they actually got a nightmare about Conan that night. He's such a law breaking little gremlin (affectionate)) So...no kisses for you, detective... only because I'm too intimidated 😭 But I'll gladly make content dedicated to you and fawn over you <3

If it's not already obvious, Kai > Shin/Cone for me. But he's definitely a close second.

Shin's/Cone's aesthetic? So peak. His detective work and general vibes with the series is so banging. That clean formal attire - I love wearing more formal stuff out. Being judged for it? At this point I don't really care hahaha. His mismatching outfits are so endearing, but I don't really vibe with them.

Canon is kinda frustrating for me. Well, as usual, I love to pick out the pieces I love and keep them dear to my heart. Ugh I want more identity issues and character relationship focuses. And more Shinran, this is literally ridiculous for slowburn lol.

~

4. RAN

Bingo count: 0

I drew a masterpiece for her. As she deserves 🥰. (Fun fact, this is the first time I've drawn her properly.)

Drawing inspirations:

Sakura Class! It was so adorable. I loved seeing the povs of both Shin and Ran. The Sakura couple,,, 🥺🥺 why are they so cute

LavenderTowne! Her art is amazing and her art tips are always so helpful: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCD4XIm3ZFhT72WjqhIXMN9w

In particular, I used these two tutorials: Easy Background: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Zw5oB-ir5R0 Easy Lighting: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/shWoTarp_Vk

*ehem* Back to our ask now

Ran is so lovely! Such a queen, so adorable, such an icon! Have you seen her puff out her cheeks in chapter 1120? (+ many other instances of her being cute of course.)

(^ well, now you've seen it)

I love her with sass! It's so funny and fitting for her. And paired with her badassness? Wow. She's amazing. She has such a big heart too <3

I can see how Shinichi fell for her at first sight, she really is so pretty and cute. Her smile was such a direct hit to his heart XD

Obligatory shoutouts!:

Amazing Shinran analysis by rabbitsrants: https://www.tumblr.com/rabbitsrants/737479648281329664?source=share

Really REALLY cute Shinran art by detshin: https://www.tumblr.com/detshin/734222664310358016?source=share https://www.tumblr.com/detshin/734913462286909440?source=share Their blog also has really cute Shinran content!

For some reason, I associate the english localised names to the more sarcastic and witty characterisations in the funimation dub. That's why I wrote Rachel.

Maybe it's because of halfpenny_jones's amazing characterisation: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfpenny_jones/pseuds/halfpenny_jones/works?fandom_id=964594 Please check out their works too!

~

That's the end~ Thanks so much for asking! It was so enjoyable to ponder and draw. And I'll always take opportunities to talk about them.

Feel free to chat again whenever you feel like it <3 And also, feel free to ask about many other things too, like more character bingos or aus if you find them interesting. I hope you also enjoy them if you go through them.

See you next illusion~

[circular-bircular]

do you have any recommendations for any pro-endo spaces/accounts on here? we've been steadily going down the anti-endo -> syscourse unallogned -> pro endo route, and getting to the more pro endo side of things, we feel very. stuck. most of the good accounts we know and follow and enjoy the content of are anti-endo/unalligned. and we'd love to follow more pro-endo accounts or even join some pro endo spaces like discord servers. but its really intimidating!

like most of the time we've interacted with pro endos has been on the anti-endo side of the debate. and that means we've just seen the worst of pro endos. the racists the ableists the radinclus. and we don't really know where to go to find pro endos who arent. like that.

i think you of all people would 100% know what i mean. youve also had a hard time with the pro endo community and are also pro endo. so i thought you'd maybe have some advice or blog recs or discord recs or something!

Sure thing! I absolutely get what you mean. It’s hard constantly getting shit on by your own community.

In terms of pro-endos, shout out to @indigochromatic and @mournfall-syscourse for having a lot of good discussions with me constantly about various topics. They’ve been a huge blessing in my life, and have helped clarify a lot for me in terms of what endogenic systems are experiencing. I’m also close with the various moderators of SAS, almost all of them being unaligned or pro-endo — and the main moderator having experienced a fairly familiar journey to me, going from anti to more neutral to pro.

In terms of servers: the @debunkingsystemscringe server is great. Not sure if the mod still has a link to the server up, but I find it a great place for discussion and vents alike about syscourse topics. If you’d like to stray away from syscourse, but still want a fun recovery space with pro-endos, indigo introduced me to a great server — but I’m not very comfortable just posting the link to this charged blog. I’d DM them for the link!

Lastly, while I’m no longer in the server, Survivor’s Network was a home to me for long enough that I would be remiss to leave it out. While it has a large amount of anti-endos, they majority of them are the “I’m so tired of ableism” brand, which everyone can agree on, and it’s an actual mixed space server. There’s pro-endos there, and the fact is, the majority of syscourse discussions aren’t about origins; they’re about how CDD systems function, and the research into CDDs. Because it’s a CDD server. And the focus is recovery.

I’m sadly not in as many pro-endo spaces as I would like. I don’t feel welcomed in those spaces at all, especially lately. It’s very clear to me that many individuals are determined that I’m a horrible anti-endo in disguise, and being the person I am, I don’t want to make more people uncomfortable. I know that simply being in even the spaces I’ve listed, discussing my current insights and beliefs, has led to people not only leaving those spaces, but harassing me afterward for “invading spaces” I don’t belong in.

My suggestion to you is to ignore that, like I have tried to do. I have gained so much from being in those spaces that do accept me, regardless of what is believed or said about me, and it’s made me more understanding as a result.

Sorry this got so long! It’s 1am and I’m prone to rambling 😰 I hope this helps somehow!

[ghostartistrandomness]

I’m getting back into Doctor Who again! And I just gotta scream into the void because I’m so excited for how the new series is going! Be warned, minor spoilers! And also opinions, so please don’t get mad at me for having them. Reply or not, even if this gets not a single note, I just can’t not post this somewhere. It is a loooong audhd-fueled 1am ramble so yeah don’t mind me lol.

I got into Doctor Who about a decade ago. I was in middle school. A friend convinced me to watch it. And WOW, I loved it like the little middle schooler I was. I loved (and still love) those first four seasons. Those are defining parts of my childhood. There’s something magical about them.

But then… season 5 came along. The writing team changed. I could tell the moment that first episode played that the vibes were off. Something was different. Matt Smith did an excellent job, don’t get me wrong. But just… the vibes, the storylines, they just lost me. I get why most people like them, but the show changed. Season 7 came and I actually do prefer it to 5 and 6. Please, don’t hate me. A bit of the magic came back by then, but that was really cause it lost that really weird vibe the entire early 2010s had. It still wasn’t perfect. I got to Season 8 and it continued improving a bit. By the time I watched it, season 9 was about to come out, and I liked it even more, especially watching it live. Season 9 less so.

I lost it at season 10, and completely stopped season 11. Stopped watching live. Tried catching up later on, but the writing team had changed again. The vibes were all wrong all over again, and even worse this time. I don’t have high standards. The stories themselves don’t have to be perfect, as long as the writing is consistent and keeps the vibes I like. It killed my motivation the first time in season 5, and destroyed it for season 11. I didn’t even get halfway through season 12.

Now, the 10th Doctor has always been my favorite. Back in the day, I’d be called a David Tennant loyalist. And I do love his portrayal of the Doctor, and I always thought that was that. But the thing is, I do also with we got more 9th Doctor in the show. I always thought I just wasn’t a fan of the newer actors. Maybe my disdain for change gave me too much bias against the new actors that played the character. Well… that was part of it. But it had nothing to do with the actors.

I watched the 3-part specials a couple nights ago.

The magic is back. I was struck by my childhood seeing the 10th (well, 14th) Doctor and Donna together again! Literally felt like I was back in season 4! The characters, the story, the emotion and soul of the show was all back. It was as if nothing changed.

It didn’t stop at the specials lol. Besides the ending being so incredible it was the best closure I have ever gotten out of every TV show I have ever watched (a ramble for another longpost), it carried onto the main series, which is now the *new* season 1. I’m only five episodes in… and I feel like I’m back there as a kid watching the first four seasons all over!

I discovered it’s not who is playing the Doctor. I’ll like the show either way. It is the writing that counts. And yes, while the 10th Doctor will still most likely remain my favorite (nostalgia helps with that), as long as the writing fits the *vibes* I’ll be happy with the show. And the vibes are all here! Russel T Davies is the head writer again. I get that way back in the day, the head writers were a topic of debate, and I hope I don’t give out that impression in my text. I genuinely believe it’s his writing direction that really puts those perfect *vibes* into the show, the vibes that I fell in love with, the vibes that really speak to me. IMDB ratings of the show are iffy, so I must reiterate that my storyline standards are low in case the real fans’ consensus is that the show is bad or something like that. It’s the vibes that I took issue with, and the vibes that are bringing me back in.

What are vibes, you ask? Well… I can’t explain. They’re called vibes for a reason lol. They’re the general feel of the show. And it’s back. The vibes are back. The writing of all the characters has the right vibes. The stories have the right vibes. There’s a certain magic in the show again! Aaaaaagh it’s so good! It’s all so good!

[satorisoup]

lene hi!! if you don't mind could you tell me some info about some of ur haikyuu selfships? i'm constructing secret things for my self-ship mooties 😸

UWAHHH BELL MY FRIEND !! (>∀<*) teehee omigosh of COURSE i can !! i could ramble on about them all day i fear… HELP !! oowah secret things you say ?? :0 I’M SO EXCITED TO SEE !! forgive me for i fear i have gone overboard again… when selfship questions call i ANSWER !! >//<

koene : lene x bokuto 🍓

our favorite dates ?

ice cream dates, picnics, and diner dates with yummy milkshakes !!

our relationship type ?

outgoing guy x shy but warms up to you girl !! kou is extremely lovey dovey and he’s always making me feel like i’m on top of the world <3 he always makes my silly side come out !!

petnames ?

bokuto — kou, bo, baby, cutie, koto

lene — lenene, baby, wene, pretty girl

tying bows around his biceps, piggy back rides, cuddling, sharing food, cheek kisses, karaoke, strawberry lovers, loud laughter, wearing his big clothes, bubble baths, blushy cheeks, jumping in puddles, sharing a scarf, snowball fights, big hugs, and lot’s of “ i love you”s <3

keilene : lene x akaashi 🍨

our favorite dates ?

cafe dates, visiting bookstores, and flower picking !!

our relationship type ?

quiet pretty guy x quiet girl who’s absolutely infatuated with him since the moment they locked eyes !! keiji and i are the most romantic and loving couple <3 he’s extremely caring and surprisingly sarcastically silly !!

petnames ?

akaashi — kei, kashi, cutiekeiji, my love

lene — my love, love, sweetheart

reading outloud to eachother, fiddling with his hands, slow dancing around the kitchen, doing facemasks together, gentle kisses, library study seasions, memorizing eachothers cafe orders, flower bouquets, precious notes in the margins, soft skin, and messy morning hair :3

luroo : lene x kuroo 🍰

our favorite dates ?

stargazing, pumpkin picking, and sushi dates !!

our relationship type ?

flirty but nerdy guy x shy girl who finds his jokes funny. tetsu is such a sarcastic guy and i found him to be so silly <3 he deeply cares about me and is always bantering with me with his little jokes. he’s actually very endearing and i couldn’t help but fall in love !!

petnames ?

kuroo — tetsu, roo, baby, handsome

lene — leeners, baby, doll, sweetheart, cutie

soft giggles, sitting on his lap, forehead kisses, playing with his hair, sharing sushi, tickle attacks, cat cafe’s, biting his bicep, innocent showers, pinching cheeks, sweaters and scarfs, back rubs to sleep, tying my shoe laces, and getting flustered by his compliments >//<

lentori : lene x tendou🍦

our favorite dates ?

movies, reading dates, and baking !!

our relationship type ?

funny outgoing guy x silly shy girl who falls for him !! tendou always knew how to cheer me up and was super surprised when i expressed that i was in love with him !! he’s so silly and so fun to be around, he would do anything to keep me happy as i would for him <3

petnames ?

tendou — tori, love

lene — lenerwener, pretty, my love, cutiepie

nose kisses, late night laughter, curling into his chest, collecting manga for eachother, baking cookies at 1am, sharing the blanket, movie marathons, under the mistletoe, comforting words, matching slippers, sweet treats, and reaching for him on my tippy toes >_<

WAHHH thank you SOSO much for asking bell !! i’m always willing to talk about my silly lil selfships with these adorable cuties :3 i hope you’re doing well and im sending you the bestest wishes EVAAA !! MWUUUAH !! >//<

[ghoulsbian]

i've been having a very hard time staying asleep at night lately. i've rather consistently been only getting two to four hours of rest a night. i go to sleep around 1:30-2:30am most nights lately and usually end up waking up around like 4:00-6am.

this is really bizarre for me. i have a pretty wack sleep schedule (i can go to bed from anywhere between 1am and 7am, sometimes at the end of either side of the spectrum, back to back). so, usually i sleep in until 12pm to 2pm. i take a few medications with sedative effects at night and they're supposed to help me get to sleep within a decent time after taking them. they don't always work too well because i'm supposed to take them with food but i frequently don't do that cuz i'm not very hungry at that point. (though, they do make the symptoms they're meant to treat a lot more manageable! so that's something.)

i fell asleep on the phone with my crush last night, haha. she was just sorta talking and singing and it was relaxing to me. it's almost her birthday! me and my family made plans to take her out the day after. i'm very excited! though very nervous. it's been a little bit since we've seen each other in person. i really hope she'll like my gifts i got for her. i got her a lava lamp (she's been saying bc how she wants one for so long now!!), a plushie of a character from a game she really likes, and an old authentic mint condition nirvana concert ticket (her fav band!!).

i've been venting to her about my sleep issues lately, and she's very worried. i'm not as worried i guess, i'm mostly just annoyed. lack of sleep really messes with my brain. it is a very big trigger for my psychosis to start acting up. i haven't really been hallucinating but have been a bit delusional and paranoid. ultimately, i am coping on the account of my medication, but it's still sort of hard to deal with. dissociation has also been a struggle this last week or so.

i just hope i can get consistently good sleep soon!!! i don't really know what's going on to make it so difficult for me lately. perhaps it's how dry my room gets? my room is really small and there's also a radiator in here so it can get pretty hot and dry. to combat this, i typically leave my window open. i've started putting a window fan in there too to get more airflow. i also have a box fan going at the end of my bed lol.

i don't really know what to do to make myself sleep better :( i tried taking a nap after only sleeping three hours the other night and i couldn't manage to fall asleep for hours. it also made me super super shaky afterwards which was kind of concerning to me lol. i kind of wonder if it was because i ate some quite stale cereal (cocoa pebbles) previous to this. though i am not sure if such a thing would cause an affect like that.

anyways i'm gonna try and get back to sleep in a minute or two here. thanks for listening to my ramble! i just wanted a place to get out my thoughts and maybe some updates on my life. i have a desire to create content for this account but am really lacking in energy and motivation due to what i've explained here. hope everyone understands!

much love to all! ♥️💫

[gimyung]

Hi Jann!! I’d like to say, that I really like reading your thoughts on certain chapters of Lookism, and I ugly cackle every time because you’re so funny!!! 💀💞

Also, here are my questions for you:

How did Big Deal become your favorite crew?

Among the members of Big Deal, who do you think would tap out first if they were to all have a drinking competition? 🍺

Adding onto the drunk Big Deal members, what type of “drunk persona” do you think each member would have? 💀

Which Big Deal member do you think would have the best voice, if all of them were to go to karaoke together? 🎤

Do you think Samuel Seo would come back to be a part of Big Deal in the future? 😭

I’m sorry, that there’s a lot of questions! These are the thoughts I currently have at the moment about Big Deal, and I wanna know what are your thoughts on them. Been curious about this for a while now. 😅 In advance, thank you for taking the time to answer these questions and I hope you have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening/night!! 😌🖤

thank you cat for reading my ramblings in here 😭

big deal got that shōnen anime vibes to them.

strong yet respectable boys who worked towards a humble goal — protect its members & the residents of the street they're in

ideology things whatever that is /j

loyal, disciplined, united (plz they even got a uniform)

they trust each other

every member matters (lineman used to give me the ick i'm sorry but he's an important member too! 🫶)

they got lua lmaoooo (besides being their intelligence agent, she helped evacuate the girls to a safer place 💖)

2. for a drinking competition (ik they're minors but), lua and lineman shall be the strongest. jerry tho, we gotta nerf him so it's gonna be him tapping out first. :p jake taking care of drunk jerry wld be fun to watch.

more blocks of text ahead, will put a cut here!

3. drunk personas:

lua - talkative drunk. accidentally spills information she recently gathered 💀

lineman - he doesn't get drunk, but takes care of everyone instead

brad - "what did you say to me?!", gets heated outta nowhere, starts petty fights which nobody pays attention to

jason - emotional!, talks to random big deal members about big deal's history

jerry - blacks out, it takes 5+ members to carry him to bed or any comfy surface, although the first thing he does when he wakes up is look for jake

jake - he tries to keep it in but gets up when an upbeat song comes on, he's a dancing drunk

sinu - dancing drunk, talkative drunk, emotional drunk. he goes thru all phases of drunkenness 😭

yeonhui - doesn't drink, TAKES PICS AND VIDS OF EVERYONE

sammy - doesn't drink w them but lurks wherever they are & stays, just to make sure jake and the big deal babygirls get home safe and don't start shit/cause trouble while drunk (had to include him 🫶 he used to be their strict no.3) (he drinks alone by that gangseo lighthouse tho)

4. big deal best voice goes to jake!

the members pour out drinks for him bc they're trying to get him drunk first 🤪 it's what everyone looks forward to!

5. yes yes yes. one day he'll get over his inferiority complex and look back at the ones who actually has his back. gonna throw away all that pride, and actually help big deal thrive more despite its humble beginnings 🫶 i'm all for sammy character development.

thank you for this ask! and if you made it here, thank you for enabling me talk. i love you ˘͈ᵕ˘͈ it's 1am in rn as i type 🥲

[ryker-writes]

Hi! I don't know if this counts as a request or not but I was reading the rules and saw that you write about yourself in twst so I got curious. Where you teleported into their world like the main mc or are you there from the beginning? What dorm would you like to be in and what dorm would you actually be sorted in? Who would be your best friends?

I'm sorry for any grammatical mistakes. Thank you for the good writing it give me energy and I hope you have a good day,night or any other time you are currently in.🥰❤

Writing this one immediately because this is the first person to ask about the me in TWST thing. Also I don't really consider this as a request because it's writing me and not other characters. It's easier to write and I enjoy it a lot. Thank you so much my darling anon for the ask and thank you for your kind words! I'm super happy that my writing gives you energy and you enjoy it! Hearing that makes me so much happier than you can imagine. Thank you <3

If anyone has any more asks about this I would be very happy to write it but I understand this isn't as interesting-

Request rules and Masterlists

Me in Twisted Wonderland

I've been in Twisted Wonderland from the beginning!

I come from the northern part of the Shaftlands, the same area that Jack grew up in

It's very snowy and cold with a few mountains there

because of this, I'm a big fan of the cold and snow and the cold doesn't bother me that much

me and Jack have met before and we've hung out, but we weren't really close and didn't spend a whole lot of time together

I always liked to play in the snow and he often played with his siblings so occasionally we would play together

I'm not super athletic or sporty tho so I never went snowboarding

As for dorms, I would like to be in either Diasomnia because it's so cool

but I would be placed in Heartslabyul

I'm someone who memorizes and follows rules pretty well and I tend to be pretty strict with myself and how I do

I'm not someone who will break the Queen of Hearts rules often

and usually I aim to get pretty good grades in all my classes

because of this I would have a decent friendship with Riddle

I'm not sure if we'd be best friends, but we would have an okay friendship

Ruggie, Idia, and Silver would be my best friends

If I see Ruggie wanting food, I'd definitely give some of mine to him and he's pretty fun to talk to

I also try to help him with his errands for Leona when I can

Ruggie is like the one I can ramble on for hours with about random things going on around the school

he also has the latest gossip from around the school and I love to hear it

Idia and me get along really well

both of us play video games, watch anime, and watch horror

me and him play video games together and just lose track of time

how is it 1AM already??

honestly we could both go on for hours about video games and anime's and will likely not stop unless someone stops us

Ortho probably does just so we can sleep or something

Most likely me and Idia have had a few sleepovers because we stayed up too late playing video games and just crash

Silver and me are also pretty good friends

I tend to get anxious pretty often but Silver's presence is very calming

him just being near me would be calming

some people are pretty intimidating to me but with Silver around I don't feel as worried

Silver is very easy to talk to as well and I feel pretty comfortable around him

anytime I see him asleep, I'm finding something that I can use as a makeshift pillow

usually a jacket or sweatshirt bunched up works

I also try to help him with things he's supposed to be doing when he's sleeping

like taking notes or whatever task Lilia asked him to do

In school, my favorite subject has to be potions

I've always found that kind of thing cool and really interesting so it would be the most fun class to me

My worst subject is definitely PE

I am not athletic at all and sports really aren't my thing

Vargas definitely gets on my nerves about it all

As for clubs, I'm a part of the board games club with Idia and Azul

it's what I'm most interested in out of the options and I like board games

While Idia and Azul have opposite opinions on if they prefer strategy or luck based games, I prefer games that use both

speaking of Azul

in my mind we would be academic rivals

there wouldn't be anything that really prompts this other than the fact that he's really smart

it's a very unspoken thing and I'm not sure if he's even aware of it

It's just a need in my brain to get a grade that's equal to him in everything or above

even I have no idea why