#I HAVENT EVEN BEEN EXCOMMUNICATED

[olive-heathcliffe-notbps]

how DO alternates get attached, anyway? what does it even do other than make you not wanna kill people?

wish i knew bro it would make shit so much easier on me

but fr. its hard 2 really give a concrete answer bcuz us alts see attachment as like. taboo basically. if gabe catches you getting attached to a human it uh. its not pretty. other than the torture you get for disobeying Him you get like... exiled almost, or... whats the word He used once?

excommunicated. yeah  that one.

there have been studies on attachment though, i think the u.s... uh... well idr the exact name but it was some fancy shmancy government dept thats done a couple . havent read em though LOL

anyways. ig i can try to explain as best i can from my experience w attachment . n atlas can chime in if he wants too idk and uh . ill try to make it make sense (spoilers it probably still wont lmao). this isnt a definitive like... guide or anything im basically just posting general rambles abt what ive learned over my days lol

so. i think all alternates want to be loved, no matter how far down theyve buried that want. were conditioned from creation to think that gabriel is the only one who can love us, but He wont unless we follow His command to the letter. and what that translates to is killing humans senselessly . and not only that but like. us alts... we like violence. we want to kill. its integral to our beings. none of us can really be "nice" or "good" 24/7 and that uh ... tends to sound scary to the average person . so even if we did all collectively decide to turn against gabe and humans like... magically forgave us for killing and kidnapping thousands of people, its not like we could ever be "normal" members of society. its not like we could ever be loved. so no one really bothers trying.

anyways, from what i can tell, alternate attachment happens when that kinda barrier between humans and alts gets broken (at least from the alt's perspective), and it typically happens when an alt is in close proximity to its assigned victim for a long period of time. that time varies from alt to alt too, like it deffo took a lot longer for atlas to get attached to cesar than it did for me to get attached to mark. nd i could be wrong abt this but i also noticed like. the more a victim interacts w their alternate, even if theyre doing it in a threatened or scared way, the more likely it is for the alt to get attached. "taking an interest" in a specific human is the most telltale sign of attachment, to the point that the phrase is pretty much "slang" for it among alts .

also just to clear this up: while alternate attachment can be romantic, it absolutely doesnt have to be. not at all. id describe my attachment to mark as like. familial honestly. and sometimes there arent even human words to describe an alts attacemt. its a spectrum yk? so dont think any of this is inheritly romantic or some shit cuz ill beat you up

as for what it does. well .

you dont know when u first meet a human that youre gonna get attached. i certainly didnt  . so u just kinda do ur thing n shit, but sometimes it doesnt work and the human lives so ur like. okay ill try again . or maybe youre just doing a long job and ur learning all of ur victims habits n shit. and thats where it kinda begins

the first thing you notice is that like. even though its ur job to kill your human its like. its fun to keep them alive . yk  . you grow to like the sound of em screaming in terror , or them freezing up when they see you . whcih. yeah that sounds kinda fucked to you guys but . just bear w me okay  .

anyways. eventually it gets to the point where, even if youve been given several opportunities to kill your human, you dont take them cuz its just that fun to mess w em. this is kinda where the "taking an interest" thing comes in  too . and then THAT goes into "ok wait . do i rlly have to kill them eventually  ?? i dont want to do that theyre funny :(((("

eventually you realize that like. shit . i dont want this human to die at all. like. at ALL. to the point you'd fight off other threats just to keep them safe. and you get this just- rush of an emotion youve never felt before whenever youre around them. aand you realize. thats love. you feel love towards them, no matter what kind of love that is. its. it feels so wrong at first and- and you hate it, but it just feels so right to the point where you cant imagine feeling any other way about them.

and as you may have guessed. you start to see the human as your own. its kinda hard to really describe but,, it makes sense if you experience it. you need to protect them and love them and hold them so so close or else they might get away from you. and you change yourself so that you can be worthy of being loved back. its. ough its a crazy ass feeling for sure

this, uh,, doesnt come without problems thouugh. for one just cuz an alternates attached to a human doesnt mean the human necessarily likes them back. in fact its honestly really lucky that both me and atlas got attached to humans that actually didnt hate us. (for a while at least.) theres a fuck ton of rumors that get spread around of those who got attached and excommunicated, only for the human they were attached to kill themself because they couldnt live with an alt constantly following them around and trying to talk to them.

...i cant describe how lucky i am that mark came back.

not to mention you hafta constantly live in fear all the damn time cuz you could get discovered n tortured at any moment. its. its really shit but damn it if your human doesnt make it all worth it. damn it if you wouldnt endure any kind of danger just to stick with them. damn it if you dont want to comfort them and feel murderous rage whenever theyre sad and.

damn it if they arent yours.

[rippeds0cks]

10/21/2023

This staying positive shit is ROUGH i havent had a good day in literal years theres been decent moments here and there and ill frequently say “i had a good day” but thats just me lying to myself cause shit hasnt been good. I’m entirely alone on everything and the only person who wanted to be by my side is entirely excommunicated ill never get to talk to them again. No one cares to hear what i gotta say no one wants to hear me on anything. No conversation i have is meaningful cause the couple friends i do have i dont really talk to all that much anymore. Bubbles and i barely talk anymore cause we’re both goin thru it. Natalie and i talk about everyday stuff but that’s just about it, i also never really talk about me. Benj and glad i talk to em everyday but its mostly just us sending stuff from twitter. I dont enjoy listening to music anymore. Eating food isnt enjoyable either. I ate something i been wanting to eat for a while today and it was just whatever. I dont like working out, i hate how i look in the mirror. I hate looking at these tired empty eyes. Im just a zombie at this point. I always told myself if my life got monotonous id kill myself and now my life is work out come home watch movies go to bed so i should get to it. But i can’t cause i need to firefight so that i can do at least one thing right before i go. I havent had a good nights sleep in years too which doesn’t help. Im literally Bella when edward left cause im waking up in cold sweats every night and staring out a window all day. Rewatched new moon today btw. Love that movie. It also doesn’t help that i cant rationally solve anything in my head. All my brains answers are just to go do something insane and see if that helps. I don’t know i just wish things could be good for even a little. Just a little break to reset myself. On the other hand i feel life sucking is just me paying up for being a piece of shit in my past. Who knows. I’m going to bed

[brood-mother]

jadedimp replied to your post: i live my life every day with the burden of...

Did you not kill enough englishmen? I can’t remember who he is but he sounds like someone who would be fighting the English.

i’ve barely killed any sassenachs, i’m a failure to the family name

[surprisebitch]

so my bishop talked to me earlier cause he wanted to check on me since i last spoke to him. im Mormon btw for context. been born in the church so yeah my fam is. but anyway, it was pretty nice cause he asked me first how uni was and it turns out he studied in the same faculty and uni. and then when it came to the spiritual stuff, he asked how im doing. i already told him that ive been “seeing people” since. and now, i just cut to the chase and said “i like men”. he went that’s okay, “you’re gay, you were born this way”. but he did say that the church doesnt recognise marriage between the same sex cause of the book of Genesis and the law of chastity. and he was really careful about his words which i appreciate. but he did say that God’s plan for gay people is celibacy. and i was honest and said “i do find it unfair that gay people are expected to be celibate like it’s sugar-coating acceptance”. he said that God still loves you but he just has a different plan and it is up to me to decide what I choose to do. and i just told him that “i have no intention to be celibate” and i told him it’s bizarre that when i told my previous bishop this when i was in London.. and i wasnt excommed. and he said that maybe because i was younger then and was experimenting so there’s room for change. and i said “well honestly i want to marry a man” and he said it’s okay. he said that he doesnt wanna excommunicate me. he even kinda got teary eyed lol which is nice.. but he asked my permission to bring it to the stake president to see what actions will be required.. probably probation or excommunication. i said i am okay with the latter. but he did say that i should feel loved and not judged. he also mentioned that there is a member in church who’s gay and used to be married to a woman then just confessed “i cant be living a lie” then got divorced and has been happily married to a man ever since. even though he is excommunicated, he still goes to church. he is loved by many in the ward though and he is open about it. so he still encouraged me to go even just for the potluck gatherings or sacrament. he did say i could lose my privileges and priesthood, which is fine by me cause i havent taken the sacrament for months. he said he will let me know what the process will be like and he will organise them when im not busy cause he knows midterms season is coming and even wished me luck for them. it was surprisingly nice tbh. like if i will be leaving the church, it is nice it would be in these peaceful terms.. 

[thearchaeologicalwitch]

Why "Arbitrary" Doesnt Mean "Worthless"

Part of the fun of studying Anthropology is when you realize mutliple facets of your daily life have been "arbitrarily " constructed. Typically we think mindless things are arbitrary, like our choice of clothing one particular day, our favorite foods, ya know, personal stuff. But really think about the things you thought were iron-clad and permanent. Things like time and borders. You realize that time is a concept constructed by humans, and that every minute of every hour, every day of every month is completely, irrevocably, an arbitrary definition and everyone in the world has a different conception of time. You have a moment in class where theres a cascade of realization that the holidays, work hours, birthdays are not necessarily real, and your knee-jerk reaction is to scoff at the whole convoluted scheme that forces you to wake up at 5:30 am for work. It really must feel like humanity is seriously trying to kill you with these hours, am I right? But then try showing up late for that job and telling your manager that time is arbitrary.....

Yeah, it doesn't turn out well.

Thats NOT because your manager is a sheeple and isn't woke enough to accept that its all arbitrary. Its because you havent "awakened" to the idea that "arbitrary "=/= "worthless ". Culture is a soup we all swim in and our concepts of time are an essential part of that matrix, and our worlds cant really function without it. Take our calendar, since the new year is about to turn; its a mishmash compromise between a lunar calendar and a solar calendar, which is why we have leap years and uneven months. It is arbitrary and a bit weird, but it didnt come out of thin air!

Its a product of a huge cultural negotiations between conflicting groups. Its inefficiencies and weirdness is the tell tale signs of wars, trade, cultural revolutions and more. Even the dates for religious and secular holidays may be random at face value, but when you look at the historical contexts, they reveal more about our predecessors ideas about the world they inhabited. More wars, scandals ,and excommunication have happened over the date of Easter for petessake! And can you really say that you don't mark your birthday in some way, even if its in a self-deprecating, "well fuck Im old" kinda way? Time, calendars, dates, and hours are important because we as humans say they are. To this day we argue about what holidays are still meaningful to us as a society, and in the future it will all seem arbitrary to our descendants.

So to everyone out there, have a Happy Arbitrary New Year, and may 2021 mean better things to come!

[emmabebe0906]

am i missing something??

edit2: https://emmabebe0906.tumblr.com/post/612866650824474624/banned-from-gay-in-time

edit: i had a conversation w/ @snatchersnatched over this (thank you <3) and i am much more Knowledged now

people who hate me please read this ahgfjhglfk

https://sta.sh/01m0c17hqb55

--------------------------

genuinely, i cannot understand what im missing in this drama and everyones just vagueing about me instead of asking me about this directly??

all i posted was this 2 days ago, and ive been banned from 3 different hat in time discord servers, vagued about by like half the fandom, and lost friends because of it. i havent even talked in any of the servers this week oh ym god ive just doing college work and i come back to this

if people can’t understand what i was saying, i want to make it Crystal clear. im not a “Vanessa Apologist.” she’s an abuser, murderer, generic bad person character. im not part of the “Vanessa did nothing wrong” people. she’s a villain and romanticizing abuse is wrong etc etc i already said this

my message is simple, and i thought, common sense??

liking an evil character doesn’t make you a bad person.

how many fandoms are there where the favorite is a villain? bill cipher, flowey, joker, darth vader, tumblr favorite onceler, literally every disney villain, every video game villain, every villain ever everyone loves villains and loves exploring alternate universes where they arent villains!

anyways i said liking vanessa as a character and making AUs where she’s not evil doesnt make you problematic and ive been excommunicated from the fandom with no warning.

(and the people who are excommunicating me??? THEIR FAVORITE CHARACTER IS SNATCHER?? FAMOUS MURDER OF THOUSANDS OF INNOCENT PEOPLE AND CHILDREN?? LITERALLY EVERY MAJOR CHARACTER IN AHIT HAS ATTEMPTED CHILD MURDER I) i cant comprehend anything man i just wanna talk about this without people being like lmao look at this clown without even explaining their side i Dont know what im missing