#I HAVE BEEN SO EMOTIONAL OVER MY HEIDI TODAY SO TO SEE HIM MAKES ME ;;A;; !!!!!!!!!

[puppyboyplushie]

YAOI DAY WAS ABOU T THE BEST DAY EVER

[olicitymckono]

His Girl

I absolutely love Max but I'll always be a Charles girl.

Any errors are my own but I really hope you enjoy.

They were best friends, had been since they were 5 years old when they had first met at the karting track. Her father was an engineer for Ferrari and he had bought her to the track to watch her older brother Luke Sinclair as he raced around the track. Charles Leclerc was one of his competitors. For years she travelled along with her family to different races and she had struck up lifelong friendships with several young up and coming racers. Well actually they had become family, especially when at just 19 years old Luke had been involved in a boating accident with his friends. Losing her brother had been one of the hardest experiences of her life and had it not been for Charles and Pierre she might not have been able to go on. Luke was the one who pushed her to follow her dreams of becoming an engineer just like their dad and undoubtedly, he would be so proud of the fact that she had fulfilled her dream of working for Ferrari at F1 level. Things only got better when Charles officially signed his contract with the team. The two of them spend so much time together even spending family holidays together and when her parents separated a few years after Luke’s death, her dad moving to the other side of the world, Charles had become her constant. However, things started changing when his new girlfriend Charlotte came into the picture. He would make plans with Y/N only for them to change the moment Charlotte called. It had gotten worse because now instead of calling or texting Y/N to cancel or reschedule, he simply forgot to tell her. Just a few weeks ago he had told her to dress up as he was taking her to dinner to celebrate his latest success. She had been super excited and got all dressed up only to wait 2 hours for him not to pitch or even let her know he wasn’t coming. Then today when they had finished qualifying, he had pulled her aside and told to wait for him so they could leave together. After 20 minutes of waiting, she went in search of the Monegasque. Y/N checked his driver’s room but he wasn’t there or in the garage. “Hey Alessandro, have you seen Charles anywhere?” Her Italian colleague was busy checking something on Carlos’ car but looked up when she spoke.

“Hey Bella, sorry last I saw him he was headed to his room.”

“Thanks, maybe he’s in the paddock. I’ll see you later.”

“A piú tardi Y/N.” (See you later)

She walked outside towards the paddock, maybe he was talking to one of the other drivers. She spotted Max Verstappen and Daniel Riccardo and made her way over.

Daniel broke into a huge smile as she approached causing Max to look over at his friend. “Y/N, the most beautiful girl in the paddock.”

Shaking her head at the Australian, she chuckled. “You really need to stop flirting Danny, what would Heidi say?”

“Can I join?” he teased.

“Have any of you seen Charles?” she asked them.

Daniel shook his head no but Max answered, “He left about 15 mins ago.”

“He left?” had he really left her again?

Max noticed the look on her face and felt sorry for her. “Yep, him and Charlotte were headed somewhere.”

Y/N nodded her head trying to hide her emotions. He had done it again and she figured she should get used to it but it hurt. “Great.”

“Everything ok Schat?” Max asked putting a hand on her shoulder.

“He was my ride,” she replied.

“Well give me 5 minutes and I’ll give you a ride.” Max offered.

“It's ok. I'll call an Uber.”

“5 mins. No arguing.” Max had a feeling that there was something more to the story and Y/N was important to him. He told her to wait with Daniel while he went to speak to Christian really quick. She smiled in thanks.

Daniel wrapped an arm around her shoulders, “So about that Heidi comment......”

Driving back to the hotel, Max noticed how quiet she was as she stared out the window. “Schat?” he placed a light touch to her knee making her look at him. “What’s really going on?”

“I’m fine Max,” she smiled softly at the Dutchman.

“But...”

He really was a man you couldn’t hide things from. “Charles is acting different.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ever since he started dating Charlotte, he treats me different.”

“How so?”

She shrugged, “He always drops me as soon as she’s around. And I am fully aware that she is his girlfriend, she comes first. But then tell me. I get that plans change. I know he wants to spend time with her.”

“What happened today?”

“Pierre was going to give me a ride back to the hotel but Charles told me to wait, he wanted to grab lunch and talk about something to do with the car. I waited and he left.”

Max nodded in understanding. “He didn’t tell you.”

She shook her head. “Unfortunately, it's not the first time.

“How many times has he done this?” he asked.

“About 5.” Max whistled surprised. “This month.” She finished.

Max looked quickly over at her raising his eyebrows. “This month?” She nodded. “Seriously Y/N, how long has this been going on?”

She shrugged. “Since Charlotte showed up.” She ran a quick hand through her long ash blond hair before continuing, “At first he would at least send a message or call me to cancel but then he just stopped all together.” She looked over at her friend. “I sound like I’m jealous, don’t I?”

“Nope. You have every right to feel the way you do.” Max responded as they reached the hotel. “You deserve to be treated with respect and appreciation.”

She blushed slightly but smiled. “Thanks Max. For everything.”

He returned her smile. “Mijn plezier schat.” (My pleasure darling.)

Before climbing out the car she leaned over and kissed his cheek. No matter how the media portrayed him as a villain, she was lucky enough to know the real Max and he was amazing.

Several weeks had passed with not much going on. F1 was currently on a two-week break before heading to Italy for the next race and Y/N was enjoying some down time with her friends back home in Monaco while Charles was away with Charlotte somewhere. She had not brought up the conversation she’d had with Max. Speaking of Max, he had started to become a very important person in her life, taking up the role that used to belong to Charles. This had not gone unnoticed by the latter. As much as it annoyed him, Charles that Y/N was basically replacing him, he found himself in a position where he had no choice. Charlotte would constantly accuse him of having feelings for his best friend so in order to keep her happy, he had begun to spent less and less time with Y/N. However, after this break he had promised himself that he was going to make a better effort to spend time with her even if it pissed off his girlfriend. The idea of Y/N spending her time with Max or anyone else for that matter was not something he liked or wanted to see.

“So, Y/N, what are you and Charles getting up to on Friday?” Elena Roscon one of Y/N’s high school friends asked taking a sip of her Martini.

Friday was one day away and it also happened to be the day before her birthday. For as long as she had known him, Charles had always planned something the day before so that they could celebrate just the two of them.

“Not sure. He hasn't said anything to me. To be fair we haven’t spoken a hell of a lot lately.”

“How long are you going to punish him?”

“I'm not punishing him.” The brunette looked unconvinced at Y/N. “What? I’m not, I’m just tired of been unappreciated.”

“Y/N maybe it’s not him.”

Y/N scoffed, “So his girlfriend told him to ditch me all these times?”

Elena shrugged, “You never know.”

“Then he is whipped. Can we please talk about something else?”

“Sure, what’s going on with you and a certain Dutchman?”

Y/N chuckled, “Max and I are just friends.”

Elena hummed sarcastically, “I think maybe not.” Y/N simply rolled her eyes before Elena continued. “When do you leave for Imola?”

“Tomorrow. Gonna miss you though,”

“Don't worry I’ll make up for missing your birthday.”

“I know you will.” Y/N smiled.

The next day as soon as they had arrived in Italy, Y/N was called into a meeting. Charles was there and as usual he kept trying to make her laugh throughout. As soon as it was over, she was excited to spend some time with her best friend. Walking out the room she linked arms with him. He leaned over and kissed her head. “I missed you.”

“Me too,” she smiled.

“What you got planned tonight?” he asked.

“Not sure yet. How about you?” she replied hoping he would drop a hint as to what he had planned.

“Charlotte and Valentine are arriving in a few hours. We’re going to Ippocampus Ristorante for dinner. You should come with.”

“Oh,” she let go of his arm and walked a little ahead of him, her heart sinking. He frowned at the action but followed after her. “Thanks, but I really should actually call Pap Pap.”

“Is he okay?” Charles asked concerned for her grandfather. Pap Pap was extremely important not only to her but to himself as well.

“Just seems to be getting a weaker.” She wrapped her arms around her waist.

He quickly caught up to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Hey he’s tough.”

She nodded. “Thanks. I’ll see you later.”

“Wait, I thought we could hang out a bit. Charlotte is still going to be a while.”

She sighed softly putting a smile on her face, “Sure, what you wanna do?”

Two hours later Y/N found herself sitting in her hotel room. She had just finished up her Facetime with Pap Pap. He was doing okay but she had a sense that time was not on his side. Her time with Charles had been too short and along with her growing worry over her grandfather, Y/N felt sad. “I have to do something,” she told herself getting up. She walked to her suitcase and looked through it pulling out a little navy-blue dress she had pack. Biting her lip slightly, she decided she was going to go out. She headed to the bathroom and got dressed.

She found herself at a little bar and it wasn’t long before a group of guys approached her, offering to buy her a drink. She smiled softly and accepted. She wasn’t stupid and naïve so she made sure to keep an eye on her drink as she politely accepted their offer to join them. She wasn't going to lie and say that she didn’t enjoy the company or attention but it did feel different to how it felt spending time with her boys. Even though she worked for Ferrari everyone on the grid had become family and she spent a lot of her time with the guys and some of the wags as well. Isa Carlos’ girlfriend was definitely one of her closest friends but she wasn’t due to be in Italy till the middle of next week just before the actual practices began. But making new friends was actually pretty easy for her and the conversation flowed quite easily with the young men. They were some local college guys and they seemed like real gentlemen, making her feel comfortable. A few were actually surprised that she was an engineer but she held back that she worked for F1.

“Porca puttana.. È quello che penso che sia?" (Holy shit...is that who I think it is?) one of the guys, Antonio she believed asked staring at someone behind her.

She turned around and saw Max. She noticed he was by himself and had several girls around him. He looked around the place before his eyes landed on her and she saw a smile appear before he excused himself from the group of girls and made his way over to her. “Y/N!” he greeted her warmly as she stood up to hug him. He returned the hug squeezing her tightly. “What are you doing here?”

“Just needed a night out. You?” she returned the question.

“Same.”

“You know Max Verstappen?” one of her companions asked drawing their attention.

Max chuckled as she looked back at the Italians. “Yeah, I may have forgotten to mention I’m a Formula 1 engineer.” she said sheepishly.

“Wow.” several of them replied.

“Gentlemen, I hope you don’t mind if I steal Y/N away?” Y/N looked back at the Dutchman with surprised. He shrugged as he put a hand on her back. He leaned down and whispered in her ear, “I need some company.”

She nodded in understanding and excused herself from the group, thanking them for their hospitality.

“I thought you were only getting in next week?” she asked as they headed to the bar.

“Christian thought it would be a good idea to get a head start on things. He thinks Ferrari has a secret weapon.”

“Oh really?”

“Yep, care to confirm?” he smirked.

She shook her head and locked her lips.

He laughed. “What about you? What’s a beautiful girl like you doing here with a bunch of college boys?”

“Like I said, needed a night out. Usually, I would be doing something with Charles but he had other plans.” she reached for a chair.

“His loss. Come on.” he stopped her from sitting down and offered her his hand.

“What?”

“I’m taking you out for dinner.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know. I want to.”

She saw sincerity in his eyes and happily took his hand.

The night flew by and she was having a lot of fun spending time with him. He really was the sweetest guy off the track. After dinner they walked through some of the town while eating some Gelato, he offered her his jacket as he noticed she was getting cold. She felt goosebumps on her skin where his fingers had brushed against her but she wasn’t sure if it was because of the cold or something else. As they walked towards the hotel the conversation continued to flow.

“I had fun tonight, Y/N. Thank you for joining me.” he smiled as they reached her door.

“I did too. Thank you for inviting me.”

“Don't make plans for tomorrow night.”

“Why?”

“We’re celebrating.” He looked at his watch. “In fact,” he leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “Happy Birthday Schat.”

She blushed before noticing that it was already the next day. “Thank you.”

“Good night or Good Morning. I’ll see you later.”

She watched him head back to the elevator and waved as the doors opened. He stopped to greet someone she couldn’t see before giving her wink just before climbing into the elevator. Just before the doors closed the other occupant poked their head out. Charles. He gave her a weird look before having to get back in. She shook her head before entering her room.

She had just settled into bed with some mindless show playing in the background when her phone buzzed on the bedside table.

“What were you doing with Max?” Charles.

She rolled her eyes before replying, “He invited me to dinner.”

Two seconds later her phone started ringing and Charles face pop up. She contemplated not answering but knew better. “Hi.”

“You went on a date with him?”

“Firstly, hello to you too.”

“Y/N,” he whined.

She sighed, “We bumped into each other and then went to dinner. Not like I was busy.”

“You could have come with me.”

She leaned back against the pillows. “Didn’t really feel like being a third wheel.”

“You’re never a third wheel. I always want you there.”

He didn’t get it and right now she didn’t want to enlighten him. She was too tired for that. “Where’s Charlotte?”

She heard him close a door with a binge before answering her, “She’s with Valentine. Has an early meeting.”

“Okay.”

“We’re going on a hike afterwards. Please will you come with?” he asked.

“I can’t. I’m meeting Alessandro. We need to go over a few things regarding the cars.”

“Oh,” he sounded sad. “Dinner then.”

She thought about what Max had said about not making plans and part of her wanted to see what he had up his sleeve. “I may have plans already but I’ll let you know later today.”

“Plans....with who?” he asked with a note of annoyance in his voice. She brushed it off as now was not the time to deal with him.

“A friend.”

“Come on. I know all your friends.”

“Maybe I made some new ones,” she snapped.

“Hey,” he said softly. “What’s wrong?”

She sighed pinching the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just a little tired.”

He scoffed, “Well maybe next time end the date earlier.”

“Good night, Charles.” She didn’t wait for a response before ending the call. She would deal with him at a decent time. “Happy Birthday to me,” she mumbled as he hadn’t even done that.

Bright and early next day, entirely too early for her liking Y/N was awoken by what started out as a soft knock on her hotel door. She groaned and threw the covers over her head in the hopes that whoever was on the other side of the door would get the message and leave. However, she was out of luck as the knocking not only continued but seemed to get louder. Her phoned buzzed, “Abre la Puerta Cupcake.” (Open the door Cupcake.)

She squinted at the name. “Esperar.” (Wait.) She forced herself out of bed and opened the door when her eyes widened in surprise. Carlos Sainz was standing at the door with a bunch of roses in his hand, but it was the young woman standing next to him that surprised her. It was his girlfriend and Y/N’s favourite WAG. “Isa!”

“Surprise!” the young Spanish woman cried pulling her friend into a tight hug.

“What are you doing here?” Y/N cried wiping away a tear.

“We wanted to surprise you, Y/N.” Carlos replied.

She let go of Isa and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek.

“Happy Birthday!” he smiled.

“I love you guys,” Y/N smiled.

“We love you too, now let's get you dressed. We have a breakfast date.” Isa replied practically pushing her back into the room.

While Isa help Y/N gets ready, Carlos busied himself by putting the flowers into a glass of water. Y/N was like a little sister to him, so to be able to make her day by getting Isa on an earlier flight warmed his heart.

“Shit!” Y/N groaned as she picked up her phone.

“What?” he asked.

“I’m supposed to meet Alessandro this morning.”

Carlos shook his head. “Don't worry about it. I already spoke to him. Rescheduled too tomorrow.”

“You’re the best.” As they headed out, she checked her phone and found dozens of messages. Most of them were from the guys including Max, Checo and Lando and a few were from her family. She quickly replied to as much of them as she could. Nothing from Charles,

Y/N spent a wonderful morning with Carlos and Isa before she headed to the spa, a gift she had received earlier from Max. The massage was heavenly. He hadn't said anything about that night either then to tell her to be ready by 7pm and to dress up. Currently she was in her bathroom applying the final finishing touches. She was dressed in a knee length strapless black dress with matching heels. Looking at herself she could help letting her mind wander to her best friend. Usually, he would be sitting in the room awaiting on her so they could go to a small get together and normally he was the first person to wish her. Yet for some reason he had forgotten. Pascale had called her earlier making her promise to do lunch as soon as she got back to Monaco. Even Arthur and Lorenzo had sent her a message. As if by fate, she got a text from Charles. “Hey, you coming with us tonight?”

She sighed, maybe he had really forgotten. “I have plans. Just about to leave.”

“Fine!”

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked.

“Nothing. Have fun without me. Clearly that’s your new favourite thing. Or maybe you’re hanging out with your new friend Max!”

She rapidly blinked trying to keep herself from crying. “At least he remembered.

She shoved her phone into her bag and headed to the door as she heard a knock.

Standing at the door looking rather handsome in just a simple pair of jeans and a black button up shirt was Max. He smiled looking over her, “Wow! You look beautiful Schat.”

“Thanks,” she blushed. “You look good yourself.”

“Shall we?” he asked putting out his arm for her ever the gentleman.

Max had organised a surprise party for her with a bunch of their friends. Several of the drivers and their girlfriends had gotten in early to come and celebrate with her. The biggest surprise though was seeing Arthur and Lorenzo there as well. She loved spending time with her pseudo brothers particularly Lorenzo who had pretty much taken over the role when Luke died.

“You look beautiful Cherie” he placed a light kiss on her hand.

“Thank you, Enzo,”

“So, what did Charles have up his sleeve this year?” Y/N’s smile dropped at the mention of his younger brother, something that did not go unnoticed. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s not important.” Lorenzo raised a brow telling her he did not believe her. She sighed, “He forgot.”

“Forgot to do something?”

She shook her head, “My birthday. He hasn’t even wished me.”

“That doesn’t sound like Charles.”

“Well, he’s not here and he hasn’t said anything.

“Maybe he’s running late. You know he can be an idiot sometimes.” Lorenzo replied.

“Who’s an idiot?” Arthur asked as he approached with drinks for all of them.

“Charles.” Lorenzo muttered.

Arthur chuckled, “What he do now?”

“Forgot Y/N’S birthday.”

“No way.” he replied looking at Y/N hoping she would tell him Lorenzo was joking.

She shook her head sadly. Arthur reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. “What are you doing?” Y/N asked.

“Calling him.”

She quickly pressed her hand against his to stop him. “Please don’t.”

“Y/N?”

“No Art, if he doesn’t call or show up then that’s on him. Besides I don’t really feel like having Charlotte around.”

“That explains it.” Arthur muttered in annoyance as Lorenzo rolled his eyes.

She looked between the brothers before asking, “Am I missing something?”

Lorenzo leaned in a little closer, “Charlotte is not exactly our favourite person.

“Why?”

“We have our reasons Y/N,” Arthur answered. “But Charles forgetting today?” he shook his head.

“Well, I want to have fun, dance with me?” she grabbed Arthur’s hand and dragged him to the dance floor leaving Lorenzo howling at the look of surprise on his brother’s face.

A few hours later on the other side of the small town, Charles and Charlotte had just finished up dinner and were currently in the taxi. Charlotte had noticed that Charles was not only distracted but annoyed for some reason. He had been quiet and when he had spoken it had been short and snappy. It pissed her off as he was supposed to be paying attention to her. He pulled out his phone and began to scroll through his social media leaving her to fume and stare out the window.

“Oh my God!”

She heard him gasp and quickly turned to look at her boyfriend with a frown. “What is it?”

“I forgot her birthday!”

“Who?”

“Y/N’s” He showed her some of his friends Instagram pictures of at the party.

“So? Seems to me like she is having fun.”

“I forgot.” He rapidly told the driver to head to Charlotte’s hotel.

“What’s going on?” she asked as she barely understood Italian.

“I'm taking you back to the hotel.”

“But we’re supposed to go watch the fireworks!”

“I have to go fix this.”

“Is she your girlfriend, or am I?” she snapped.

He turned to her with anger in his eyes. “Watch it, Charlotte. I’m not having this fight with you again. She is my friend.”

The rest of the drive was silent with a tense atmosphere. But Charles was not going to back down this time. Once they reached the hotel Charlotte got out and slammed the door shut. He didn’t even bother to get out.

“You having fun Schat?” Y/N was currently dancing with Max and couldn’t have asked for a better birthday, except for maybe her best friend being here but seeing as the night was almost over, she resounded herself to the fact that after 21 years of being friends he had actually forgotten.

“I am. I never thanked you for doing all this. Especially in such a little period of time. You really didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to. You’re my friend and you deserve to be celebrated.”

“I wish the fans could see this side of you instead of Mad Max.” she chuckled.

“Maybe I like been Mad Max?”

“You do play him well.” they both laughed as he pulled her closer.

Meanwhile Lorenzo was on the phone with Charles. His little brother had called him up demanding to know where they were so that he could try and make it up to her. After much back and forth with his older brother, Charles decided he would wait for her at her hotel room. Most of the people were leaving now anyway. Lorenzo just hoped his brother didn’t stuff it up more than he had. Nobody thought they noticed especially Y/N but they had. They had noticed the way Charles had been treating her ever since Charlotte came into their lives. It was just one of the reasons that neither of them like the girl. Y/N was important to them and truthfully both of them thought the two friends would be perfect for each other.

A few hours later Max walked her to her door. “Thank you for the best night ever.” She pulled him into a hug, which he swiftly returned.

“Good night Mooi meid.” He leant down and brushed his lips against hers causing her to shiver in delight. He looked at her with a cheeky grin causing her to blush a deep shade of red. (Good night beautiful girl.)

“Good night, Max.” she whispered. As soon as she got into her room she fell down on the bed with a huge smile on her face. She didn’t know why that simple kiss had made her feel giddy especially given the fact that she and Max had been friends for a few years. She had never thought of him that way but maybe there was something there. Over the years she had been too busy to really put time into relationships but she had had a boyfriend or too. They never lasted though and she never knew why.

A soft knock at the door pulled her out of her thoughts and she quickly jumped-up thinking Max may have forgotten something. When she opened the door though she found herself staring at a huge bunch of Orchids. Her favourite. Slowly the flowers moved and she saw Charles looking at her with a guilty look on his face. Her face fell slightly something that made his heart ache. She said nothing just simple walked back into the room leaving him to follow.

“Mon amour je suis tellement désolé d’avoir oublié” (My love I am so sorry I forgot.)

He sounded so sad but honestly Y/N felt he didn’t deserve to feel that. She was the one he had hurt. He put the flowers down on the coffee table as he followed her out onto the balcony. Standing next to her he reached out a placed his hand on hers, gulping as she pulled away. “Please let me make it up to you Mon Cherie?”

She finally turned to look at him. He loved her eyes, how they changed shades of green to reflect how she was feeling. And he could see how disappoint she was in him. “How could you forget?”

He stepped closer to her, “I have no excuses. I just need you to know how incredibly sorry I am. I know I hurt you and that was never my intention. I never wanna hurt you.” Thankfully when he touched her this time she didn’t pull away.

“I wanted you there tonight. But I didn’t want to have to tell you.”

“Mon amour, I wasn’t there tonight but I’m going to make it up to you, I promise. Please baby forgive me?”

She mentally brushed aside the fact that he called her baby as well as the feelings it brought up. “I'm not going to make this easy on you. I mean the flowers are a start,” she shrugged.

He smiled brightly before pulling her into his arms. Heart leaping at the fact that she had forgiven him.

Imola, Monaco and Barcelona had come and gone. Ferrari had put up a fight in the last few races which pleased Charles, it wasn’t the wins he had been hoping for but at this point in time he was just really in a good mood. Y/N and him were back to being best friends and things with the car was looking promising for the next race. One problem for Charles though was her growing friendship with Max. He noticed how the Dutchman would look at her and it made him feel jealous. She was his. Y/N on the other hand was enjoying hanging out with Max and they had been doing a lot of that since they had had a break back home in Monaco. She wasn’t quite sure what she was feeling for him but she knew that it was growing. Currently she found herself sitting on the deck of his boat just off the coast. He had invited her and a few friends to spend the day before they had to catch a plan to Canada He was drawn to the young woman and he’d be lying if he didn’t admit to having a bit of a crush on her growing up. Problem back then was Charles had always had her attention. He wasn’t much of a guy for a pissing competition even though the media would disagree and Charles was his friend, but Max couldn’t deny that the idea of stealing her away from the Monegasque thrilled him. He looked at her, watching how she interacted with friends. She had this way about her that just drew people to him. She noticed him looking at her and smiled at him. He might just be falling for her.

Several days later things took a devastating turn. She was having dinner with Isa and Carmen the night before Qualifying when she got a phone call that would change her life for ever.

“Hello?”

“Y/N Pap Pap is gone.” Her cousin Gabriel had been the one tasked with sharing the news.

Y/N felt her heart shatter. Her two friends noticed the change and instantly knew something was wrong. They waited as she rapidly spoke in French not been able to understand but Isa got up and moved closer to her friend, wrapping her arms around the girl. As soon as Y/N had put down the phone her whole body just sank against Isa.

Carmen reached out her hand and grabbed hers. “What happened?”

Y/N looked broken and said softly, “My grandfather just died.” Isa gasped and held her tighter as Carmen’s hand tightened. “I have to call Fred....I have to get back home.

“Y/N breathe. We’ll help figure it all out. Just breathe.” Carmen reminded her.

Isa and Carmen shared a look over their heartbroken friend. “I need to make a call. Look after her?” Isa asked Carmen who nodded. Quickly moving away from the table Isa called Carlos.

Just an hour later Y/N was on her way to the airport. Carlos had spoken with Fred who organised for the Ferrari jet to be ready to fly as soon as she got there. Carlos looked at his friend via the mirror and noticed how she just looked out the window. She hadn’t even cried, too numb. Y/N couldn’t believe he was gone. But she couldn’t breakdown...not now when her family needed her. She barely registered any of the conversation that was going on between her two friends but quickly gasped when she heard Charles’ name. “Shit, I have to call him.” She rapidly searched her bag pulling out her phone and quickly found his name. She took a deep breath as she waited for him to answer.

“Hello?” it was a woman’s voice.

“Charlotte?”

“Yes, what do you want?”

Y/N ignored the tone and question. “I have to talk to Charles. It’s an emergency.”

“Well, his busy.”

“Please, it’s important.” She begged.

Charlotte sighed. “He’s in the shower. I will ask him to call you back.”

Y/N simple responded, “Thank you.” She put her phone back into her bag and stared out the window.

“What did he say?” Carlos asked.

“He was in the shower. Charlotte will get him to call back.”

Sitting on the plane hours later on route to Monaco. She had yet to hear from him. Grabbing her phone, she quickly texted him, “Pap Pap is gone. I need you.”

After an 8-hour flight and another 2-hour drive, Y/N had finally made it home and was currently sitting in her childhood bedroom. Qualifying was long over and she had yet to hear anything from her friend. He had read her message but no response. She was pissed but knew that she needed to focus on her family especially her grandmother. Her phone buzzed and she quickly picked it up. “Hello?”

“Hey Schat.”

She smiled sadly hearing Max’s voice. “Hi.”

“I wanna ask if you’re okay but that would be a stupid question.”

She shook her head before realising he couldn’t see her. “It's not stupid. I don’t know how to answer that.”

“I wish I could be there with you,” he sighed.

“I would have loved that. How did Quali go?”

“I got pole and Charles and Checo 2nd and 3rd respectively. “

She sighed, “At least there’s that. But I’m proud of you.”

“Danke. You know I’m tempted to forfeit tomorrow.”

“Don’t you dare. You work hard.”

“I’m on the next flight back though. You shouldn’t have to deal with this on your own.”

“You’re amazing.”

“No, you are. Don’t forget it. Listen I have to go do some interviews but I wanted to check in on you.”

“Thank you. It means a lot.”

“I'll call you later Schat. If you need anything, call.”

“I will.”

Qualifying had been weird for Charles. Yes, he had made P2 but Y/N was not there. He had looked for her but no one seemed to know where she was. He hadn’t had a chance to speak to Carlos all through Quali as he had gotten to the track late, but he knew that Y/N had gone out the night before with Isa. Maybe she had had too much to drink but that wasn’t like her. He went in search of his team mate, finding him leaving his driver’s room. “Hey Carlos?” he jogged to catch up with the Spaniard but Carlos seemed a bit offish with him. “Wait up!”

Carlos eventually stopped and waited. “What do you want Charles?” he asked annoyed.

“Woah, what’s wrong with you?”

“Me?” Carlos snapped.

Charles gave him a questioning look. “Well, you’re the one biting my head off for no reason.”

Carlos pinched his nose in annoyance. “Long day. Look what do you need? I need to check in with Y/N.”

“Well, that’s what I wanted to ask. Have you seen her? I’ve been looking all over for her.”

Carlos looked at him confused. “You’re joking right?”

“Why would I be? Carlos what’s going on man?”

“No, no she called you.”

“Huh?”

Last night. On the way to the airport, she called you. Are you telling me you never called her back?”

“Carlos, I have no idea what you are talking about. She never called me. Just tell me what’s wrong?”

“Charlotte said you would call back. Her Grandfather died.”

The colour drained from his face and Carlos realised that his friend didn’t know. “Charlotte never told you.”

Carlos quickly reached for his friend as he sank against the wall. Charles shook his head. “Is she ok? No of course she isn’t. I have to call her.” He pulled his phone out his pocket and dialled her number. It rang several times before going to voicemail. He tried again, same outcome. Trying one more time his call was declined. “She isn’t answering.”

“Give her some time.”

“Fuck,” he hit the wall.

“Hey calm down.”

“How am I supposed to be calm Carlos. I should be there with her. But I’m here. And clearly, I’m the last to know.”

The two men turned as they heard a pair of heels against the hard floor and saw Charlotte smiling as she approached. Charles felt his blood start boiling. Carlos laid a hand on his shoulder. He understood that Charles was angry with her as was he but he also knew Charles couldn’t lose his temper, not now. “Charlotte, now is not a good time.”

“Why?” she frowned.

Charles started cursing her in French physically making her stop in her tracks.

“Charles!” she snapped back.

“I think you need to leave. Carlos told her as he stood between the two.

“What had gotten into him?”

“You know what you did. Right now, I’m inclined to let him have his say but because of the media I won’t. You screwed up Charlotte. Go before I call security.”

“I don’t...” she began. But the look that Charles threw her made her stop. With a sigh she turned and left.

“I need to go home.” Charles ran a hand threw his hair.

“No, what you need to do is get through the race tomorrow then go.”

“I can’t think about the race now.”

Carlos placed a hand on his shoulder. “You have to. She’s worked hard on these cars. She will want you to race.”

He slowly nodded his head. He just needed to talk to her.

No matter how many times he called or messaged her, she ignored it. She couldn’t nor did she want to deal with it. She had been busy helping her mom organise funeral arrangements. The older woman was not handling her father’s death too well and Y/N took it upon herself to do what needed to be done, no matter how much pain she was in. She had managed to arrange the chapel and the minister, scheduling the funeral for the upcoming Friday. And with just a few days to go she still had so much to do. The Leclerc’s had been a God sent through out. Pascale had been there with her through all the planning and knew that at some point Y/N was going to crack. She knew that the young woman needed support and the fact that Charles wasn’t here disappointed her tremendously. She knew that he was on his way but it didn’t make it any better. She had seen how Y/N had been his support after both Jules and his father had died. And Pascale knew that it would have meant the world to her if he had done the same. Of course she knew that Y/N would have forced him to race that Sunday but he could have reached out. Charles hadn’t told his mother what Charlotte had done. As Lorenzo drove Pascale and Y/N back to her mom’s house the older woman looked over at her, noticing just how tired she was. She was rubbing her head from the bridge of her nose. Pascale had seen that look and action before, after Luke had died and it worried her. She took her hand and smiled at Y/N when she looked up at her second mom. She weakly returned the smile before looking down at her lap taking a deep breath. “Its ok to let go Y/N. Its not going to fall apart if you do.”

“I know. I just can’t. I feel empty.”

“Cherie, that’s ok too.” Lorenzo said from the driver’s seat.

“Am I am awful person for just wanting this to be over?”

“Oh hunny,” Pascale reached over and pulled her into a hug. “No it doesn’t.”

She just nodded.

Pulling up into the driveway the black Pisa was hard to miss and Y/N felt her heart freeze. He really wasn’t who she wanted to see right now. “Lorenzo can you....” she started but he didn’t let her finish pointing out the two men sitting outside. Max and Carlos.

Max was the first to reach her when she got out the car. He pulled her tightly to his chest and kissed her head. “Hi.”

“Hi,” she smiled sadly. “How did the race go? I never got to watch.”

“Don’t worry about the race cariño.” Carlos said as she moved to hug him. “ How are you?”

“Been better.” She shrugged.

The two men greeted Pascale and Lorenzo before the former ushered them inside for tea. As she walked into her childhood home she spotted Charles standing at the kitchen table talking to her grandmother. He straightened up and approached her only for her to walk the other way towards her grandmother. She kissed her grandmere’s cheek and quickly told her what had been discussed with the minister. The older woman held her hand and squeezed. “You need to rest Petal.” Her childhood nickname.

“I will.” She replied.

“Y/N?” Charles asked. “Can we talk?”

“I’m gonna take a shower.” She directed towards her friends and family completely ignoring him. All he could do was watch her walk away.

The day of the funeral arrived and not a moment to soon. Everyone was worried about Y/N. She had yet to cry, scream or show any emotion at all. It was like she was a robot. At any minute she could lose it. Several of her friends were there along with Max and Carlos. The one person who wanted to be there holding her hand was seated behind her as she still refused to acknowledge him. He knew he had fucked up so many times but he had generally been blindsided by his girlfriend or former girlfriend should he say. He respected her so he didn’t his luck, just watching over her, ready to catch her when she fell. Problem was when that moment came it wasn’t him she reached for. It was Max.

Gabriel had just given his eulogy and the pianist began to play Pap Pap’s favourite song when it all hit. Max who was sitting next to her noticed her hands starting to shake and her breathing getting shorter. He looked at her face and saw her eyes watering. He leaned over grabbing her hand and whispered. “You want some air?” She nodded. He stood up and guided her outside, as soon as the air hit her face she broke. He grabbed her tight as the tears that had been built up began to fall. They were silent and plenty. Max rubbed her back as she cried. Spotting Charles making his way over Max said to her, “ Schat, I know you don’t want to but you need him.” She lifted her head and turned to see him watching them. She gulped before looking back at him. Her eyes gave him an answer and he motioned for Charles to come over. As he reached them he pulled his friend into his arms. He didn’t talk, just held her close as he too felt the tears fall. He had loved Pap Pap too.

Unfortunately for Charles after her moment of weakness, she was still hurt. Sitting on the balcony, the night air on her face, he approached her. “Hi,”

She looked up at him. “Hi.”

“Can I sit?”

She nodded.

“I’m sorry. Charlotte never told me.”

“Carlos told me.”

“I would have been here sooner.”

“I messaged you....from the plane.”

He shook his head, “I never got any message.”

She scoffed, “You left me on read.”

“Mon Cheri,” he made to take her hand but she stood up and walked to the wall and leaned over.

She heard him get up and come closer to her. “Baby, I swear, if I got your message I would have been on the next flight. Regardless of the damn race.”

She looked at him. The look on his face told her he wasn’t lying. But the problem was that it was not just this. Every time he has cancelled on her, forgotten her, it was becoming a pattern and she didn’t like it. “I believe you.”

“But we’re not okay are we?” he asked sadly.

She sighed. “I just need some time.”

“I understand. But I need you to know that I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be here.”

She nodded with watery smile. “I’ll see you in Austria.”

Two days before free practice and although she was talking to him, their relationship wasn’t the same. She had forgiven him but she had had sometime to really think. She realised that she needed space from him. He had been a constant figure in her life for so long. And she realised that she was in love with him. It was why she had allowed things to go on for as long as it had. It was also why none of her relationships had lasted. As soon as Charles called or needed her, she had rushed to his side. He had consumed her life without her even realising it. “I’m going to leave at the end of the season.”

“What?” She was sitting across from Max who was surprised at her comment. The whole grid was currently enjoying a night out before the grand prix consumed them. She and Max were the only two at the table at the moment.

“I can’t be around him all the time. I don’t want it to be this way. But it hurts, knowing I don’t matter to him.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

She looked at him. “Actions prove louder them words.”

“He’s trying.”

“What about when he gets another girlfriend?”

“You love him?” Max asked.

She sighed, “I think I do.”

“But you don’t want to.”

“I don’t know.”

“Schat,” he took her hand. “I don’t know what to say. But you can’t leave this job. You love it and everyone loves you. You’re family.”

She shook her head, “I don’t know what else to do. Working for Ferrari means having to be near him. How can I figure myself out if he’s always there.”

“Give me a few days. Don’t make any decisions yet. Please?”

“Ok.”

On the day of qualifying Y/N was headed towards the Ferrari garage when she was approached by a none other then Christian Horner team principal of Redbull. “Y/N? Hi you got a second?”

“Um sure,” she replied.

He indicated for her to follow him which she did. “ So Max talked to me. You thinking of leaving Ferrari?”

Y/N was stunned to say the least. “I’ve been doing some thinking but haven’t decided what I want to do yet.”

“Well I’m going to be honest here. I want you on my team. You have done some incredible work with Ferrari. You’d make a great asset here.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Think about it. If you choose to leave Ferrari. There’s a spot for you with Redbull.” He patted her shoulder before heading back to work.

She stood there for a minute before Max came up to her. “You ok?”

“You spoke to Christian?”

He nodded. “Like I said, you’re family and we can’t lose you. Besides it would be cool working with you. We’d be unstoppable.”

“Cool you’re heels champion. I haven’t decided yet.”

The day of the race and the atmosphere was electric. P2 and P3 for her Ferrari boys and the car was doing amazing. She was alone in the garage as everyone was getting ready. She walked around each car touching the tyres for good luck, smoothing her hand over the front of it. Just before the race was due to start she walked up to Carlos and kissed each of his cheeks wishing him good luck as she always did. He smiled at her before heading to his room to get dressed. She saw Charles looking at her so she made her way over to him. “ She looks good and feels good. I believe you can do this today.”

“My good luck charm is here.” He winked at her.

“Good luck Charles.” She made to walk back to her station but he grabbed her hand. She looked back at him.

“Where’s my good luck kiss?” he asked.

She leaned up and kissed his left cheek and made to kiss his right when he moved slightly causing the corner of her lips to meet his. She stepped back and blushed slightly. He had this look on his face that she hadn’t seen before and it made her stomach flip. “Go...go get ready.”

“I sure am ready now .” he smiled.

The Ferrari garage erupted in cheers as Charles crossed the finish line in first followed closely by Max in P2 and Carlos in P3. The minute he spotted her in the group he ran up and hugged her. She chuckled before pushing him towards the rest of their team. But when she stood on the podium with her team he made sure to pull her close to him and away from Max. She felt his hand against her back and she knew she had to make a decision before her heart was broken for ever.

In the week of the next grand Prix Y/N asked Fred to talk and brought up the fact that she was considering leaving and about Christian’s offer. He was very understanding and asked her to think long and hard about her decision. He didn’t want to lose her. She had promised and they both agreed that nothing was to be said before she made her choice. However that didn’t not go as planned.

During the first free practice something went wrong and Charles ended up having to retire for the day as something in the car was just not working. To say he was pissed was an understatement. He managed to limp the car into the garage but once he got out the car he lost his temper and began cursing in French. Y/N quickly walked after him to try and reassure him that they would figure it out. But he turned and snapped at her saying something she would never forget. “I don’t know what you did to the car but fix it.”

“What I did?”

“You don’t fucking care about us. Everything was great till you decided to abandon us for Redbull! Can’t have us beating your boyfriend or new boss can you!”

Without a word, she slapped him so hard that the entire garage went deadly silent. “Fuck you!”

Working right through the night she was able to find the problem and they managed to fix the issue just in time for the next set of practices and qualifying. Neither of them said a word to each other. Charles bagged P2 and the belief was that he could win again. Shortly after qualifying Y/N and Alessandro were going over some final notes when Fred joined them. He noticed how her eyes were rapidly blinking and how she was constantly rubbing her head while moving her neck around and around. Honestly she didn’t look good. “Y/N, you need to go get some rest. You don’t look good.”

“Honestly I don’t feel so good,” she said rubbing her temple.

“Go. We can finish up here.”

“Thanks.” As soon as she got into the cab she leaned her head against the back rest. Truthfully she hadn’t been feeling well for a while but things had been so hectic that she had tried to push through it. It’s not something she hadn’t dealt with before.

“Hey,” Charles walked back into the garage and saw Alessandro packing up.

“Hey.”

“You seen Y/N?”

“Fred sent her to rest. She didn’t look so good.”

“What do you mean?” Charles asked concerned.

“She’s been rubbing her head and neck a lot. Heard her say something about a migraine.” He placed his bag over his shoulder. “You should get some rest too. You both have been a bit edgy.”

Charles nodded before saying goodbye. On his way to the car he pulled out his phone. “Hi Maman.”

She was laying on her bed rubbing her head, trying to get rid of the headache that had been bothering her since Pap pap’s death. For days she had been able to fight through the pain, but the last two days it had gotten worse and tonight she was not able to hide it. Hopefully she would feel better in the morning just in time for the race but somehow she doubted it. She closed her eyes, willing the pain to go away when she heard a knock on the hotel door. She groaned before slowly getting up.

“Hey Mon Cheri.” Charles held a large paper bag in one hand and two steaming cups of coffee in his other. “I brought supplies,” he said with a tiny smile. She stepped back and let him in, no energy to argue. He placed the bag and cups down before looking at her fully. “How long?”

She knew what he was talking about. “Since Pap Pap.”

“Mon Amour, why didn’t you say anything?” he knew how bad the migraines could get and it hurt that she hadn’t said anything, even though he knew it was his own fault.”

“I thought I could get there it.”

He nodded grabbing one of the cups on the table, giving it to her. “Its your favourite. Caramel, salted latte.”

“Thanks,” she smiled.

“Ok, sit down and drink your latte. I’m going to get it ready.”

“Get what ready?” she asked.

“Just trust me.”

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously but sat down none the less watching him take a few things out the bag before picking up the bag and heading towards the bedroom. She had just finished her latte when he beckoned her to come into the room. He led her to the en suite where she found he had drawn her a deep bubble bath. Lining the tub were dozens of candles and a few lite incense candles which smelt a lot like, “Lavender?” she asked.

“Yep. I remember once when you got sick, Mamam did this for you. I thought it might help again.”

She felt her heart leap. “ Thank you.”

“Always.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly selected some soothing music. Setting the phone down on the sink before turning back to her. “Get in and relax. Forget everything. Don’t get out till I come call you.”

“Is that an order?” she joked.

He thought for just a second, “Consider it is.” He winked before leaving and closing the door behind him.

After a long time, she could feel how her muscle had started to relax and the pain subsiding just a little. The music that was playing was something she had never heard before but it was so beautiful and relaxing that she felt like she could stay here forever. A gentle knock sounded before the door opened just a jar. “Mon Cheri, you can get out now. Come join me in the kitchen.”

“Ok.”

After drying herself off, she wrapped herself in her gown before making her way through to the kitchen. As she entered the room she saw him standing at the counter tossing what look like a salad. He had laid two plates out with some wine in the middle. Looking up at her he quickly went to pull out a chair and indicated for her to sit. “I ordered some Italian. The salad is home made though.” He sheepishly remarked. He wasn’t the best cook around and the last thing he wanted was for them to get food poisoning. She sat down watching him as he took the seat opposite her. None of them addressed the elephant in the room but the company was pleasant and it almost felt like everything was back to normal. Except it wasn’t.

By the time they had finished dinner and cleared up, Y/N brought it up. They were currently sitting on her bed. He had put a movie on, The Mummy, her favourite and he was sitting behind her gently massaging her shoulders and temple. “Cha?”

“Yes, Mon Cheri?”

“Why are you doing this?” she asked.

“Because I care about you. And I’m sorry.”

She moved so that she was looking at him. He instantly missed the feel of her skin. “It seems like you’ve been saying that a lot lately.”

He nodded, “I know. I can’t justify everything that’s happened but I need you to know how sorry I am for everything. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know.”

“Y/N,” he began but she stopped him.

“How could you think I would ever do anything to hurt you or Ferrari?”

Looking down in shame he responded. “I have never wanted to take something back as much as I wanted to do after I said that. I was angry and I took it out on you. You didn’t deserve that.”

“I’ve worked hard to get where I am.”

He grabbed her hand, “I know that better then anyone Mon Cheri. Like I said was angry at myself for not been focused. Because it was my fault. I could tell something wasn’t right with the car but I pushed it. I was too much in my head and not focused. Are you leaving?”

“I don’t know yet. Christian did make me an offer and I am thinking about it.”

“Why?”

“Why did he ask me or why am I thinking about it?”

“I know why he made an offer. You’re amazing and any team would be lucky to have you. Why are you considering? Ferrari has always been your dream.”

“Dreams change. Circumstances and....people change things, ideas.”

“It’s me isn’t it? You want to get away from me.” She didn’t answer him. “You hate me.”

“No!” she placed her hand on his cheek making him look at her. “Charles, no matter how hurt I am, I could never hate you. I love you.” The way she said that told Charles that she meant more than just a friend and it made him happy. Charlotte had been right, he was in love with his best friend. However her next words broke his heart. “And that’s the problem.”

“What?”

“Charles, I don’t mean to hurt you but you can be selfish.”

“Meaning?” he asked and she could hear the hurt in his voice.

“You consumed my life in every way. Every relationship I have had had ended because I have always put you first. Every success, ever failure I have been there supporting you. But have you ever stopped to think how I must be feeling? Those failures are mine too. I work day and night trying to make sure that we have a car that’s capable of challenging Redbull. When something doesn’t work, I feel like a failure. That I let the fans, the team, you down.”

“Y/N,” it was now his turn to place a hand on her cheek, looking at her deeply. “The fans love you. The team works together. You could never fail me.” He pulled her closer making her sit on his lap. “I know I’ve screwed up, but please don’t leave.”

She placed her head against his chest. “I don’t know if I can stay.”

“Your right, I am selfish and I’m going to be even more selfish now. Please don’t leave me. I need you, I’m in love with you and I can’t watch you be in that garage, be with him.”

She looked at him when he said he was in love with her. “What?”

“I was angry but also jealous.”

“Of Max?”

He nodded. “Seeing you with him, it drives me crazy. Just the thought of his hands touching you..... I hate it.”

“We just friends.”

“Really?” he asked.

She nodded. “I do care about him and for a while I did think I might be falling for him. But he’s not you. Besides I think he still loves Kelly.”

“Does he know?”

“Yep.”

He leaned his head against hers and she could feel one of his hands rubbing her bare thigh causing goosebumps. “What does this mean for us? I want there to be an us.” He refused to break eye contact and wouldn’t allow her too either. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”

She just looked at his eyes feeling a tear break loose and run down her cheek. He quickly wiped it away and without a hesitation he leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. She didn’t pull away but kissed him back. As the kiss intensified she felt his hand move further up her leg reaching the top of her thigh before he could go any further she stopped him and pulled away. “You have a race tomorrow.”

“Are you throwing me out?”

She shook her head. “No, but you should rest.” She climbed off his lap and headed to the bathroom to change. When she came out he was gone and she closed her eyes. The fresh tears were her own fault this time. Her phone buzzed. “I’m not letting you go without a fight.”

Charles Leclerc wins the British Grand Prix!!!!

There had just been so much going on that day that neither of them had a chance to talk to each other but that didn’t mean that they hadn’t stolen glances, catching each others eyes ever so often. Charles had been focused and determined to win and show Y/N just how much he appreciated the hard work she put it. He made it a point in his interviews to celebrate her too. And when he stood on the podium in first place he kept his eyes on her. He meant what he said, he was going to win her heart. Y/N had being doing a lot of thinking that night after he left. Her thoughts of leaving Ferrari had made her feel nostalgic and she had pulled out a photo album she always carried with her. Seeing her brother smiling back at her from the pages helped her make her decision. After the race and paddock celebration she had disappeared.

Back at the hotel Charles was getting ready for the after party trying to get hold of her but her phone was off. The joy he felt after the win started to diminish after she had disappeared. He hoped that he would at least see her tonight. He picked up his keys and phone and headed to the door. As he opened it he found her standing there hand raised as if she was about to knock. Her makeup was done and her hair flowed down in soft waves. She had on some heels and a black coat. “Hi,” she smiled.

“Hey.”

“Can I come in?”

“Of course,” he replied stepping aside.

“So I made a decision.” She replied rocking slightly back and forth nervously.

“And?” he asked stepping closer to her.

She took his hands and placed it on the belt of her coat. “Open it up.” He looked at her curiously. “The colour represents my choice of team.”

He looked down and began to slowly undo the belt. As the coat fell open and he saw red peaking through, she indicated for him carry on and take it off. He moved his hands up and he pushed the coat back till it fell off her shoulders. He felt a rush flow through his body from his head down to his toes. He gulped, feeling his jeans tighten in the crotch. She was standing on front of him in a red, silky pair of lingerie. “The outfit, it is for you and your alone. You don’t have to fight.”

He grabbed her and pulled her into a deep, longing kiss. His hands felt like fire against her skin. He broke the kiss only to trail his lips down her throat causing her to moan as he reached a certain spot. She moved closer to him feeling his cock against her stomach. “I need you to touch me,” she whispered.

He pulled back and looked into her eyes. “You sure?” he asked.

“I wore this for you to take off.” She said taking his hand and moving it down to her panties.

“God your wet.” He moved his hand across her covered pussy. “If I start I’m not going to stop till you scream my name baby.”

“Ok,” she smiled as she moved her other hand against his cock causing him to groan. He grabbed her making her wrap her legs around his waist and he carried her to the bedroom.

That night not only did he get the win but he got his girl, the girl who would become his wife and mother of his children. The girl he would spend the rest of his life with and both had never been happier.

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Pendant (The Volturi x Reader)

You were quiet and often kept to yourself. That being said, you were still a joy in people's lives and that wasn't any different for the Volturi. Demetri was a charmer and made it his goal to make you blush multiple times a day. Felix seemed to follow suit although was slightly more protective of you as well as Heidi. The twins kept their distance but you hadn't felt their wrath and so that was a good sign. Alec had even said some brief sentences towards you without any malice but his expression was always completely blank. You couldn't read him at all. The leaders treated you no differently but it was apparent in how they thought of you. They thought you to be a child and you must have been in their eyes. Caius was always a little more patient with you than usual, Aro was just as keen to know your mind since you rarely spoke it. Marcus gave you your space with advice given here and there. He was more nurturing than the rest of the group and in your eyes, he for sure saw you as a child. 

You passed by Marcus' door with Aro and Caius before halting almost immediately just as they did. "Brother?" Aro tilted his head. Marcus was knelt on the floor, his back to the door, hunched over something. Aro entered the room and Caius was quick to out a hand on your back and push you forward and into the room with them. You looked down to see in his hand a ruby, encased in what looked to be solid gold. It must have been worth hundred of thousands at least. Then you noticed some oddities. The ruby was out of place, slightly jutting out. The gold chain lay in the floor with a small piece of gold hanging from it. Then it hit you what had happened. It was a pendant and it had broke. "Is that-?" Caius began. "Didyme's." Marcus said quietly, looking down at it. "One of her favourites." "What happened?" Aro asked. "It's old. The chain gave out and in the fall the dresser knocked the pendant." You were devastated for Marcus, your expression turning to one of heartbreak. Marcus lifted his gaze, catching eyes with your pained expression. "You mustn't worry. Things get old and they break." He looked down at the pendant. It was oddly fitting coming from him. Marcus was an old soul at heart even to this day and sadly, his heart was broke when Didyme died. Marcus let the pendant fall out his hand as he stood up. "It doesn't matter." Marcus left the room leaving the three of you in silence. 

Slowly you moved forward, out of Caius' grasp and you bent down picking up the chain and the pendant. Aro looked at the pendant in your hands. He obviously remembered it well and to see it was a heavy reminder of his sister's death. "What is it, my dear?" Aro asked finally. You looked down at the necklace for a moment before reaching out your hand. Aro took it. "You needn't worry about this, (Y/N). It was inevitable." ‘Let me try. Please let me try to fix it.’ “What is it?” Caius looked between the two of you. ‘Please.’ You pleaded internally. Aro dropped your hand. “Very well.”

You did a lot of research for a number of days after that. Marcus didn't even ask where the pendant had gone. You began to wonder if perhaps Aro and Caius told him of your plans. The chain itself would be the easy fix. The jewel itself would be an issue. You were worried that if you tried to push it back then perhaps it would break and how would you weld the jewel back onto the gold bar hanging on the chain? That was when you realised you'd need more assistance than anticipated. 

After some time, you convinced Heidi to let you go out, promising you'd only be down the street and she'd know since she was out for the tours. You had no clue how much it would cost but...you wanted to try. The jeweler gawked at first and you quickly came up with the story that if had been passed down from generations and your grandfather was heartbroken when his deceased wife's pendant broke. "He's very lucky to have a grandchild like you." The jeweler said and you smiled slightly. "Would you be able to fix it?" He nodded. "Yes but...it wont be cheap." "How much?" He was reluctant to answer. "Tell me, how much do you have with you?" "Five hundred." You responded. "This is more expensive because of its value with evident age but you're a good person. So I'll give you a discount." The jeweler continued. "Come back at five. I'll have it done for you by the end of the day." Suddenly an idea sprung into your head. 

You knew you had no chance of convincing Heidi to help you again and she wasn't exactly discreet most of the time. So you decided to try and convince someone who you knew could keep a secret.    "Why were you in here?" Alec asked before you opened the door to the jewelers. The man greeted you both, box in hand. "Here you are." You thanked him before handing over the money. Alec eyed it almost immediately but said nothing and you both left. "Where did you get all of that money from?" Alec asked finally. "It was mine." You said. "Yours?" "I had money saved up." You explained. "Had? Was...was that all of it?" Alec's eyes widened ever so slightly. You nodded. "Yeah."  "Why did you...? What did you buy?" He asked incredulously. "I wanted to fix Didyme's necklace. Marcus looked so sad that it was worth it." "You're kind." Alec stated as though the extent had just been made clear to him. You shrugged lightly. 

You briskly walked to the throne room, immediately apologising for being late. Caius was about to give you a wicked scolding until the three leaders turned their attention to the box you had in your hands. "What's that?" Aro asked lightly. "Forgive me, it's the reason I was out later than expected." You began. "It's for Master Marcus." The three looked surprised as Marcus turned his gaze to you. "What is it?" He asked before holding out his hand. 

You moved forward and climbed the few steps before gently placing the box into his hand. Marcus looked slightly confused yet moved to open it. Aro rose off of his throne to take a look over Marcus' shoulder. Marcus' eyes widened as he looked inside whilst Aro gasped. You froze in anticipation. 

Slowly Marcus lifted the pendant out of the box. It looked good as new, fixed and polished. Although there was a new detail. On the back of the gold playing, there was intricate engraving. 'Didyme.' As the silence continued you began to grow fearful. Had you done something wrong? Didn't he like it? Should you have left it alone? A million questions rushed through your head all at once and suddenly Marcus stood up. 

He gently put down the pendant and the box onto his thrown before descending the stairs towards you. His eyes were glistening slightly and darkening by the second, and you could see the true emotions he felt. The ones he tried to desperately to hide by a empty facade. Absolute heartbreak. The worst of the worst heartbreaks that make one wonder how in earth they're still standing. Marcus placed his hands on your shoulders. 

After a moment of looking into your eyes with his own filled with pain he pulled you closer to him and just like that, Marcus hugged you to him. He towered over you much like many of the Volturi members. One arm wrapped around your back and the other hand cradled the back of your head with a feather-like touch. Slowly you hugged him back. Marcus couldn't bring himself to speak and so in turn he could only hold you that little bit tighter ad his thumb stroked the section of your head his thumb could reach. Finally you barely heard him whisper out as best as he could. "Thank you, little one." 

At around eleven at night. You had already gone to sleep around half an hour ago and Marcus could still only stare at the pendant in his hands. His book was long abandoned despite being in the library, reading wasn't on his mind. As Alec caught side of Marcus whilst entering the library he curtly nodded and greeted him. "Alec, might I ask something of you?" "Of course, master." Alec approached him immediately. "You escorted (Y/N) back to us today, didn't you?" Marcus asked. Alec nodded. "I did. It was at around five o'clock." "Did they tell you how they managed to get it fixed?" "Well I heard they spent a few weeks trying to fix it but couldn't so they took it to a nearby jeweler under the pretense it was a family heirloom. I discovered that it cost them their savings." Marcus paused. "Pardon?" "Yes, I had a similar reaction. They accessed all of their money and used it to pay for the repairs." Alec responded. "All of it?" Alec nodded. "Yes, they don't have any money. That was the last of it." Marcus paused. "Thank you Alec, that will be all." Alec nodded and wasted no time leaving. 

The next morning, you were surprised to hear that Marcus had summoned you to his private study. "I was surprised that you had decided you wanted to fix the pendant. Aro and Caius hadn't told me." Marcus began. "I know how much it means to you." You said quietly. "No, you don't." Marcus said. "You know only what I openly express and I can assure you, my dear, this pain isn't merely skin deep. It's bigger than I could ever be." You nodded, looking down at the wooden floorboards. "However, that doesn't make you ignorant and I am happy to know you have never dealt with such a pain as I have. As a matter of fact, it says how empathetic you are. Seeing as you went through all the bother to fix the pendant despite me giving up on it. Although even that appears to be an understatement. Alec told me what you did to get it fixed." You tilted your head slightly and Marcus continued. "Alec told me you used your own money to get it repaired when you couldn't repair it on your own. Even more so, you used all of it. Is that true?" "Yes, master." You nodded simply. "That generosity is very noble of you, (Y/N) and no one in this castle is deserving of such a kindness. Therefore I feel it only right that I replace that money you spent." Marcus said. "Oh... master there is really no need to. I'm more than happy to have done it. It means a lot to you and if I can do anything to help you, I will." Marcus stared you down for a minute. "This world had always been a cruel place, little one. Your kindness is a gift to all and I fear this world may swallow you whole. However, I don't think I could ever let that happen." Marcus picked up an envelope from his desk and moved towards you. He took one of your hands and made you clutch the envelope. "Take it. I insist."

[dbnightingale24]

Last Chance At Redemption

Chapter 7

~~

Happy Friday!! So, I’m really excited about this chapter and the ones to follow. The build up, to me, has been worth it! Yes, this chapter is going to leave you with questions and it’s long, but it’s going to be worth it (at least I think so)!! Anywho, as always, I hope you all enjoy!

Also, side note, the year is 2019. ALSO, there will be 2020 but there will be NO FUCKING CORONAVIRUS. That’s all :)

Warnings: Fluff, emotional cheating, swearing, angst, arguing, sadness...like a fair amount of it, ...uhhh...that’s it? Well, shitty writing (but you knew that).

Word Count: 6868

Songs That Inspire This Chapter: 

I Wanna Be Down - Brandy

Radioactive - Marina and the Diamonds

I do not consent to have my works/stories posted anywhere else.

~~

Abigail had been home for about 2 hours before she decided that being home was a terrible idea. So, she spent the rest of her day hiding out in her office at the restaurant. The entire staff, aware of what day it was, didn’t really bother her. She spent the day working up a menu for Halloween and getting a jump start on the Winter menu, deciding that keeping busy would be the best thing for her.

 When she finally bothered to call Lisa back, she was more than annoyed to find that she was just looking for someone to watch Willow so she could go out. After a small argument, Abigail just hung up on her. Slowly after that, her first breakdown happened.

 After that, they came at random every hour.

 Nonetheless, despite her desire to crawl into a hole and die, she had made it through the day. She had just shut off her computer, when there was a soft knock on her door.

 “Yeah” she answered, grabbing her hoodie and pulling it over her head.

“Sorry, I meant to give this to you earlier. Today was extremely busy because of…anyway, this came for you. It’s uh…it’s from your father” the hostess, Danielle, finished softly and handing Abigail the letter.

“Oh” was all Abigail could get out, taking the letter.

“I’m so sorry. I meant to…I’m sorry” Danielle sighed, before walking out and closing the door behind her.

 Leaning back against her desk, she took a deep breath and ripped open the envelope. She examined the two folded pieces of paper inside, before pulling them out and letting the envelope fall to the ground. It was dated September 10th, 2018.

‘My dear Abigail,

If you’re reading this, that means I went through with it. I am so sorry for the pain I’ve caused with my actions, but I just don’t see the point in going on anymore. Maybe you’re not in pain. Maybe you finally feel relieved and I wouldn’t blame you. I’ve been a shit father and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for all of it. I tried not to turn out like my father, and in the end, I was just like him. Maybe even worse. I want you to know that I love you all so much. I wish there was a way to fix all of this. Turn back the clock and just get it right. Your mother, as much of a pain in the ass as she is, she’s the love of my life. She has been since I was 16 and somehow, I lost sight of that. I’ll never be able to earn back her love or trust, and I don’t blame her. I’d hate me too. I do hate me. Lisa…she won’t even take my calls. I miss my daughter and my granddaughter so much, but if she wants nothing to do with me, what can I do? You’re the only one who is willing to try, but I know you’ll always have your reservations. You’ll never truly forgive me and I don’t want you to. I don’t deserve it. With Heidi…I really fucked that up, didn’t I? She was so young and now she’s in love with the shell of a man. I don’t blame her family for hating me. I’d hate any man that put you in the position I put her in. Every time I finally thought I was fixing something, I just ended up making it worse.

 I want you to know that I am so proud of you. Proud of the woman you’ve become and the woman you’re continuing to become. I know that you don’t need any of the things I’ve left you, but I want you to have them. It feels like the right thing to do. A house for you to start a family and business I know you’ll be good at. I know how much you love cooking and creating things, and that’s the whole reason I opened it. I figured we’d run it together one day, but I know it’s something you can handle on your own. You’ve always been so kind, loving, and forgiving. I don’t know where you get your big heart from, cause it sure as shit wasn’t from me or your mother. Wherever it came from, don’t let this fucked up world take it from you. Be tough when you need to, but don’t forget to let love lead the way with all of your decisions. Also, settle down with someone who isn’t as fucked up as me, please. I know that a lot of men are after you, but please…pick someone that’s good for you. That centers you and brings you peace. Someone who will love and cherish you for the woman you are, and not the woman they want you to be.

 Please let my youngest daughter know that I do love her. None of this was her fault, and she was the last light in my life. I know you hate Heidi, but she and Hannah are apart of the family. I hope that you’ve been embracing them. At least Hannah, she doesn’t have an idea why there’s so much drama and conflict. She’s a good kid and she reminds me a lot of you. She loves you so much. I guess I’m just dragging this out. By the time you’ve received this, I’ll be long gone. I hope some good came from all of this. I hope I finally did something right. God, I love you so much and I’m gonna miss you, but know that wherever I end up, I won’t be too far from you.

 This is for the best,

Dad.’

 Abigail couldn’t stop the tears as they flowed freely down her face. If she hadn’t felt small stabbing pain in her heart before, she sure as shit could now. Why didn’t he just get help? Why didn’t he ask her for help? They were finally on a path to get somewhere, and then he just quit on himself. He quit on happiness. Why couldn’t he just answer her that night?

She stood up straight and took a deep breath. She hated crying in public and she needed to get home quick. ‘Shit. Home. Ransom! Jesus!’ she thought to herself, grabbing her phone and checking the time. 7:50pm. She couldn’t bail on him this short notice. Plus, he had spent the entire night being unusually kind and trying to cheer her up. It wouldn’t be right. Grabbing her purse again, she pushed her father’s letter inside and headed out of her office. She’d have more than enough time for a breakdown later.

**

Ransom had been waiting in his car for about 10 minutes, when he finally saw Abigail pull into her driveway. He was all ready with a snide remark about her keeping him waiting, until he saw her eyes puffy and red. ‘I’m clearly not getting laid tonight, either.’ he thought to himself, before grabbing his laptop and some notes and getting out of his car.

“I’m so sorry” she sniffed, fumbling around with her purse, trying to find her house keys, while balancing two bottles of wine and a carton of ice cream in her other hand.

“What happened? Calm down” he said gently, grabbing one of the bottles from her.

“My uh…my dad...where the fuck are my keys?!” she huffed, clearly frustrated and stomping her foot.

“Hey, relax. Take a deep breath and talk to me.”

“My dad…he arranged to have a letter sent to me today. I just…I wasn’t expecting it and I’m mad at him. I’m mad at him, I miss him, I love him, I want to hug him…all of this fucking sucks. Fucking finally.” she sighed, pulling the keys out of her purse, causing the letter to fall down. Ransom knelt down to pick it up as she finally got the door open. “Umm, just give me a minute to get my shit together, and we can get started. Uh, you can read it if you want. I highly doubt anyone in my family will actually give a shit, and at least you’ll understand when I randomly start crying.” she chuckled humorlessly, putting down the ice cream carton and wine. 

While she quickly made her way up the stairs, Ransom took a moment to look around. It’s not like he had really gotten a chance to the last time he was there. There were photos of her and Lisa when they were young, some of her and Taylor from when they were younger, one from Taylor’s wedding day, a few of her, Taylor, and some guy that seemed to be Abigail’s then-boyfriend. There was one photo in particular that caught his eye, and he couldn’t help but smile. She was had to be about 3 or 4 and she had a huge smile on her face. She was wearing a denim blue bucket hat, and her big black curls where a mess all over her. Her and her father were in a park together, and he looked just as happy as she did.

 Her father. She had given him permission to read it.

Ransom took a deep breath before sitting down on the sofa and opening the letter. The more he read, the more he wanted to hold her. Which was new to him; consoling someone. She was awakening all of these new feelings and emotions inside of him and he didn’t like it. However, for as much as he didn’t like them, he didn’t seem to mind them so much when she was around. She provided a certain warmth just by looking at him, and he knew he’d miss it once all was said and done. No matter what he was feeling, he was determined to stick to his plan. He didn’t have time or space for a relationship. He didn’t need it and he didn’t want it.

 “Where the hell are my sweatpants?” Abigail mumbled, running down the steps in just an overgrown hoodie.

‘I need to feel those legs around me’ he thought to himself, looking her over, as he finished the letter. “You don’t need to put on sweatpants.”

“Ransom-”

“I don’t mean…if you’re more comfortable. This is your house. Don’t feel like you have to change how you would usually relax because I’m here.”

“I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.”

“You came home with red and puffy eyes, two bottles of wine, and a carton of ice cream. Trust me, you’re not giving off the wrong impression.” he smiled at her, and she laughed softly. He didn’t miss or like the small feeling of happiness that gave him. The fact that he had brought her some comfort.

“I take it you read that.” she pointed to the letter, as she made her way into the kitchen.

“Yeah I did. That’s heavy as fuck and I really am sorry.” he called after her, before getting up and making his way into her kitchen. Looking around, he wasn’t surprised by all the different decorations and pretty warm colored plate ware. The house suited her and it felt like home. “Do you want to talk?”

“I don’t even know what to say. It all just hurts and that…I wish he would have just talked to me. I wish he would’ve spoken with someone. Now, I’m just angry at a bunch of people that I shouldn’t be angry at.”

“Your mom?”

“My dad, my mom, Lisa, his family. Hell, even Heidi. She should’ve noticed something. I know how this goes though and I know the signs aren’t always easy to see.”

“You’ve gone through this before?”

“Something similar. It’s all complicated and fucked. Just like everything else in my life. We’ve got work to do though.” she sighed, taking out a wine glass.

“We don’t have to if you don’t feel up to it.”

“You already spent all of last night trying to cheer me up. We have to actually get work done.”

“I don’t mind. It’s probably the only time in my life when I feel normal.” he admitted quietly.

“When I’m talking about my shitty family?”

“No, no!” he quickly interjected, mentally kicking himself. “I mean, being around you. Talking to you. We both had shitty upbringings, but you don’t try to hide from it, and you don’t lie about it or who you are. It’s nice to talk to someone who has an idea of what I’ve been going through and isn’t ashamed to say shit sucks and so does family” he finished softly. He made her feel so nervous and he hated that. He was confident about anything and everything, but whenever she came around he started to second-guess himself. Once again, yearning for her approval, but pretending he didn’t care.  

 “That’s what happens when you open up to people, Hugh.” she smiled at him. “You find out that you’re not so alone and you’re not the only who’s fucked up.” “Opening up to people is a waste of time. People just want to know your weakness so they can use it against you.”

“I thought you didn’t have any weaknesses” she teased, pouring herself a glass of wine.

‘You.’ “I don’t, but others do and I’ve seen how badly trusting people can go.”

“Not everyone is your family. Yeah, people do suck a majority of the time, but sometimes they surprise you.”

“Yeah? Name one person in my family who has surprised you.”

“You.” she replied softly.

 Why did she have to be….her? Any other woman wouldn’t have any affect him, but she was running the show when it came to his emotions. One word and/or one look, and she just broke him down. Desperate for something he wasn’t sure of, but craving her in the most primal and passionate way. She could see right through him, and while it scared the hell out of him, he needed it. She was the only person in his life who made him feel like he even had a real shot at redeeming himself. As desperate as he was to get rid of whatever infatuation he had with her, he was just as desperate to keep her around. As much as he wanted to resent her for softening him up, he just couldn’t hold any negative feelings towards her.

 “Do you mind if I have drink?”

“I thought you worked better when you weren’t drinking?”

“It’s been a long day” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.

“That’s fair” Abigail sighed, grabbing a glass. “Liquor shelf is the second shelf by the fridge. Help yourself” she smiled, before making her into her living room.

 Ransom grabbed a fresh bottle of whiskey off the shelf, filled his glass, and took deep breath before following her lead into the living room. When did mindless fucking become so complicated?

**

 Abigail and Ransom had been going back and forth about his story, and what direction it should go in, for about an hour. The conversation would range from minor disagreements, to yelling matches, then down to them laughing about something one of them said during the yelling match.

 “You’re making the story too predictable.” Abigail groaned, laying back on her sofa.

“What would you do then? Since you have all the answers.”

“For starters, I’d lose the fucking attitude” she snapped, and Ransom just rolled his eyes. “second, I’d have the killer seem more docile. Too kind and too caring. You’re giving him too much malice. Too much anger.”

“So, I should make him more like you?”

“Keep it up and you’ll find out, Drysdale” Abigail smirked, before taking a sip of her wine.

“I’ve already got one under my belt, I’m sure I can do another” Ransom smirked, while Abigail choked on her drink.

“Oh my God,” she laughed “that’s fucking terrible!”

“Hey, you’re laughing. You’re going to hell right along with me” he chuckled, as Abigail’s doorbell rang.

“Ugh” she groaned, closing her eyes. She pushed herself off of the sofa and slowly made her way to the door. “Fucking great.” She opened the door to reveal a very dolled up looking Lisa. “What do you want?”

“You really should be nicer when opening your door” Lisa mumbled, pushing her way in. “You have company? Hi Ransom, miss me?” she smiled devilishly.

It didn’t take Abigail long to put two and two together. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” she screamed at Ransom. “The one fucking thing…UGH!”

Abigail stormed past him, making her way into the kitchen, and started pacing. Why was she so angry? Yes, she had asked him to stay away from Lisa and she was mad that Ransom had to go and be….well, be Ransom. There was something else, though. Something she couldn’t quite place her finger on. Jealousy? Pain? Betrayal? Why would she feel those? She had made the choice to not sleep with him. It’s not like he hadn’t made it obvious over the years that he wanted (desperately) to fuck her silly, so it shouldn’t matter that he fucked her sister instead. Oh, but it mattered so much to her and she hated it.

“Please just stop” Ransom pleaded coming in after her.

“Get away from me, Ransom.”

He hated the venom that dripped from her voice when she said his name. “Abigail, just stop and look at me” he said calmly, placing his arms on either side of her. He needed to set this right and get their night back on track. Get his plan back on track. “I didn’t fuck her-”” “Bullshit!”

“Will you just stop and listen me? I didn’t fuck her. I swear, okay? She came to the club last night-”

“Of course this happened on the night you asked me over. How could I be so stupid?!”

“She came to the club last night and I tried to stay away from her. She followed me into the bathroom and blew me. As soon as she was done, I left and went straight home.”

“Like you tried to stop her.”

“I told her no, but your sister has a hard time with that word. Besides, it’s not like I could even…”

“Not like you could even what?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he wasn’t about to let her know that he couldn’t get off without thinking about her “what does matter is that I tried to do what you asked of me. You know that I don’t usually give a fuck about anything or anyone, but you have to admit that I have been trying with you. You know I’m not lying” he said desperately. He could tell himself that this was just about sex all he wanted, but deep down a part of him knew that he didn’t want to lose her. Not yet and not like this.

Abigail sighed and ran her hand through her hair. Ransom had a way about him and it was easy for her to tell when he was lying. He wasn’t, in this moment at least, and her heart swelled at the fact that he was so desperate for her to know the truth. His whole act of being a good guy may have just been a ploy, but she couldn’t help but fall for it. “I’ll deal with Lisa. You just-”

“Am I interrupting something” Lisa asked, making her way into the kitchen.

“When aren’t you interrupting something?” Abigail mumbled, starting to rub her temples.

“He’s a grown man, Abs. Let him do who or what-”

“WHAT do you want, Lisa?” Abigail practically roared, letting Lisa know she was skating on very thin ice.

“I know you said no to watching Willow but-”

“The answer is still no. Either get Heidi to watch her, or actually spend time with your own child.”

“I do spend time with my child.”

“Could have fooled me.”

“I just want a little break, okay? I’m with her all the damn time-”

“Except for last night, when you were giving out free blow jobs.”

“What I do in my spare time is none of your business!”

“I’m not going to argue with you tonight, Lisa. So, either have something worth saying or get out.”

“I just need you to give me a few hours, okay? Heidi has been crying all day, for God knows what reason, and I just need a few hours-”

“She’s probably been crying all day because today makes a year that her husband, our father, blew his brains out.” Abigail spat. Ransom still had a lot to learn about her, but he knew that he should probably take a hold of her arm to keep her from beating the shit out of Lisa.

“That’s not…I thought it was-”

“It’s today, you vapid bitch. So, why don’t you spend time with your daughter, and actually let her know that you love her? If you do at all.”

“Don’t.” Lisa warned, tears gathering in her eyes. “I love her more than you know.”

“Then fucking act like it for a change, instead of passing her off to everyone else.”

“I have to go” Lisa muttered, before practically running out of the house.

 As soon as the door closed, Abigail fell apart could feel herself coming undone. She knew she had been too hard on Lisa, she was too hard on everyone, but she couldn’t stop herself. What she should have done was console her and been there for her, but all she did was spew insults and venomous comments.

 Ransom was never good with tears. Even when he was younger and he saw other family members crying, he would just walk past with his head down. Emotion was an unknown thing to him and he wad fine keeping it that way. However, Abigail wasn’t some stranger or random family member. She was the reason he felt like he had a place in this world. “It’s okay” he said softly, wrapping her in a gentle hug.

 Abigail just leaned into it, quickly realizing that she didn’t want to be anywhere else. She didn’t want to be around anyone else. She let his warmth take over her, and sobbed into his shoulder, ignoring the guilt that was trying to push its way in. For the time being, no one was doing anything wrong.

 **

“I don’t understand how this is your favorite movie” Ransom slightly slurred, as they sat on the sofa, watching Cinderella.

Abigail giggled, “what’s not to love? No matter how shitty things got, she still kept a positive attitude and was kind towards others.”

“Yeah, she’s a fucking idiot. She should have run away.”

“Oh hush, you giant cynic.”

 After everything that had happened with Lisa, they tried to get back in a writing groove, but Abigail just couldn’t focus. So, Ransom decided to call it a night and suggested that they watch her favorite movie. She let him decide between a Disney film and a black and white film. Disney won.

 “It’s a fucking lie.”

“It’s a lie to you. Just because the world treats you like shit, doesn’t mean that you have to respond with the same attitude.”

“Sounds like you’re living in a fairy-tale” he mumbled, stroking her hair.

“So what if I am? I don’t hate it so much right now and neither do you” she mused, as her head rested on his lap.

 Ransom had been slouched against the couch, while Abigail laid across it, resting her head on Ransom’s lap. For a moment, Abigail forgot about everything else. She let herself live in the comfort of him. In the comfort of the feeling he was giving her. Security. She should be curled up with Todd, but he never really liked moments like this. He always complained about the movies she liked and killed the mood. While Ransom was complaining, it was in a fun and teasing way. He let her live in her happiness and understood that she just needed someone there. If he didn’t, he was good at faking it.

 Meanwhile, Ransom was content just having time like this with her. He hated that it made him happy that he was able to make her feel some level of peace. Some sort of ease. Usually, when a woman had her head near his legs, she was blowing him. As desperate as he was to feel her mouth on him, this wasn’t bad either. For a moment, he could pretend that this was how it actually was. It was just them. No family to stress them out, no shitty memories wearing them down, no Todd to get in the way, and no Lisa to try and cause chaos. It was just them and everything felt right with the world.

 Too bad peace doesn’t last long.

 The soft knock on the door caused Abigail to groan in frustration. The voice that followed just pissed her off.

“Hey babe, open up” Todd called.

Abigail sighed, sitting up and getting off the sofa, as Ransom opened back up the laptop and turned off the TV. Odd. “What’s up?” she asked opening the door slightly.

Todd gave her a look over and frowned. “You’re dressed like that and Ransom’s here?”

“What do you want Todd?”

“I know it took me all day, but I finally figured out why you were so upset, and baby I’m so sorry.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“We can do whatever you want tonight.” he smiled, pushing his way in.

“You can’t just barge into my house” she sighed, closing the door behind her.

“Something you don’t want me to see?” he questioned, eyeing Ransom who was typing away.

“You’re the one who bitched me out about helping Ransom. Now you’re mad about it?”

“I’m not mad about anything, I just wish you had pants on” Todd mumbled.

“Hey, you coming over to help us out?” Ransom asked, looking up from his laptop. Abigail didn’t miss the hint of annoyance in his tone.

“No, you wouldn’t want my help with all of this. You remember how shit I was in school,” Todd laughed, turning his attention to Ransom. “I wanted to spend some quality time with Abigail. Today’s the one year anniversary of her father’s death.”

“I know, we talked about it earlier.”

“You did?” he asked, turning his attention back to Abigail.

“He was actually here” she snapped, going back over to the sofa and making herself a glass of wine. Ransom raised an eyebrow, cause up until Todd got there, he had been the only one drinking. She had only had one glass the whole time he was there, and she had been nursing that for an hour.

“You told me not to come over.”

“Cause I didn’t want to argue! You asked me if I was emotional because I’m on my period!”

“It’s not like it’s not a fair question. Listen, I just wanna be here for you.”

“Well, I’m fine. Helping Ransom is actually helping me clear my mind, or at least, keep it busy” she huffed, taking a large sip of wine.

“Do you want me to go?”

“I want you to stop being an asshole.”

“I’m not being an asshole! I came over to console you!”

“Sure you did” Abigail mumbled, taking another sip of her wine, before going to refill it.

Something in Ransom was starting to stir. Anger? Irritation? He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he wasn’t happy that Abigail was getting upset. She had finally calmed down, and Todd ruined it in 5 minutes. It was time for him to go. “Hey, I hate to break this up, but we do have work to do. I have a deadline coming up.” he interjected.

“I’m sorry, man. I’ll go, she’s clearly in one of her moods, anyway. Good luck with that” he sighed at Ransom, before scowling at Abigail and leaving.

 “Of course it’s my fault” Abigail mumbled, digging through the pocket of one of her jackets that was hanging up. “I’m always the asshole.”

 She pulled a pack of cigarettes and her lighter. She stormed out of the living room, put on her slippers that were parked by the backdoor, and made her way out to the patio.

“You know it’s not you,” Ransom said softly, coming out behind her “you’re gonna freeze your legs off. Let’s go back inside.”

“No” Abigail huffed, practically stomping her foot. Ransom growled in frustration. “You can go back inside if you want.”

“Why do you stay with him? I’ve never seen you two happy, we both he doesn’t deserve you, he can’t even be here for you now. What is the point?”

“Not every relationship is perfect. We have our moments.”

“Well, when the hell are they?”

“When he isn’t around you.”

“So, this is my fault?”

“Jesus Hugh, not you too! You know what I mean! He’s not the same when you’re around, just like you’re not the same when it’s only me and you. You know I’m not blaming this on you. He’s a grown man.”

“Yet, you have more patience with me?”

“I haven’t been dating you for almost a year” Abigail chuckled humorlessly, taking a drag from her cigarette. “Plus, you have a reason as to why you’re an asshole. I’ve met Todd’s family. While a bit snooty, they’re good people who love him very much. They do a bunch of family shit, all the time, and they even have a family chat so they can always check on each other. He has no reason to act like this.”

“Then why-”

“Just because Hugh. There’s nothing that I can say that will make you understand, or help you to accept it. I know it doesn’t make any sense, believe me, but I have to try. Everyone has a few bad days in a relationship. If things don’t change soon…we’ll just see what happens” she smiled, finishing off her cigarette. “Let’s get back inside. You should have told me you have a deadline. We’ll get back to work.”

“I only said that to get him out of here. He was making you upset and you don’t need that right now” Ransom simply stated, opening the door and heading back inside.

“You didn’t have to do that” Abigail stated sheepishly, taking off her shoes and locking her backdoor. “I would have been fine.”

“While I’m sure you would have been, fuck Todd. He’s a piece of shit and he shouldn’t have come over here if he wasn’t going to actually be helpful. You have enough on your plate today.”

“Why do you care so much? Why does it bother you how he treats me?”

“I don’t fucking know.” Ransom mumbled, jaw tightening. ‘I know why, I just don’t want to to tell you. That makes it real.’ “Maybe, it’s because for as long as I’ve known him, he’s been bitching and whining about finding someone like you. He finally has you, and he treats you like garbage. Why piss and moan about wanting someone actually worth a damn, then treat them like shit when you have them? I’ve seen it too many times in my family. Whether it’s with people or things, they get what they want, then treat it like it’s nothing. My parents bitched about having kids to Harlan, for years, then they finally fucking had one. Look how great that went” Ransom chuckled, sadness apparent in his tone.

“Hey,” Abigail called softly, cupping his cheek in her hand “them being shitty parents is not your fault. You didn’t ask to be born and you couldn’t raise yourself. All of the parts they fucked up are on them. They can’t be all that pissed about how you turned out, when they’re part of the reason.”

“How the hell you turn out so great?”

“Lots of therapy and lots of Cinderella” she smiled, gaining an eye roll from him.

“This fucking movie, let’s go finish it” he groaned, getting a laugh from Abigail.

**

 The rest of the night seemed almost back to normal, but Abigail kept drinking. Todd really had fucked with her. Ransom tried to keep her smiling but he knew that there was only so much that he could do. By the end of the night, they were both pretty banged up. Ransom more so than Abigail.

 “I should get going” he sighed, once the credits started rolling.

“You already know I’m not letting you drive home. You’ve had too much to drink. C’mon Hugh” she yawned, sitting up.

“I can make it home, you said yourself that we don’t live too far from each other. I will-”

“You will stop arguing with me and just stay over. It’s not a big deal.” she mumbled, getting up and starting to turn everything off.

“You can’t keep holding me hostage at your house.”

“As if you don’t love it,” she teased, stopping by one of the pictures on her shelf, and letting out a heavy sigh “I miss you.”

“Who is that?” Ransom slurred, leaning against the staircase.

“Josh. Checked out a few years ago.” she practically whispered.

‘Maybe that’s what she meant when she said she had gone through this before?’ he thought to himself. “I have nothing to sleep in.” he joked, noting her uneasiness on the topic.

“Oh, but Mr. Drysdale, you d.” she smirked. “follow me please.”

Ransom followed closely up the stairs, as she led him into her room, and pulled out his sweatpants and t-shirt. Ransom couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re supposed to keep these.”

“If you feel so inclined, give them back tomorrow.”

“Abs-”

“Go change and sleep in the spare room” she scowled, a small smile playing on her lips.

 While changing into his clothes, Ransom knew he couldn’t sleep without her. He had, had one night of her warmth, and sleeping without her would be torture.

 “I hate big houses” he smirked, leaning against Abigail’s door, and she let out a loud laugh.

“Hugh, just go to sleep.”

“Let me stay with you.”

“Why?”

“Cause it’s nice. Falling asleep next to you is nice.” he stated, too drunk to lie.

“Hugh-”

“I’ll be on my best behavior. The minute I act up, you can kick my sorry ass out” he smiled, putting his hands up as if he were surrendering.

“One wrong move” she warned, turning back the covers.

“Yes ma’am.” he smiled, stumbling into her bed, quickly getting under the covers. “What the hell is this?” he asked, landing on some stuffed object.

“Be careful! That’s Desi! He’s my stuffed fox. I’ve had him forever.”

“You still sleep with stuffed animals?”

“Only Desi. My dad got it for me when I was born. He goes everywhere I go.”

“So sentimental. Is it okay if I put him on the night stand?”

“Only if you put him down gently.”

“Yeah, yeah.” he grumbled, placing the fox on her nightstand. “He’s safe and sound.”

“Thank you.”

“Mhm, whatever. Goodnight.” he sighed, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer to him.

“Hugh-”

“Just relax. Goodnight.” he repeated, kissing her shoulder.

Abigail slowly felt herself relax and sink into him, deciding that all the thoughts dancing around her in her head weren’t so terrible. Todd hadn’t even tried to stay. She wasn’t sleeping with Ransom or leading him on. She was just cuddling with a friend. That was enough…for now.

~~

taglist: @jennmurawski13 @goldenfightergir @princess-evans-addict @jeremyrennermakesmesmile

[meowdymista]

Van der Driscoll Pt 2

Arthur Morgan x Fem!Reader

You guys asked for more. Again, it is not perfect, BUT I accidentally wrote so much with so many perfect cut off points... Instead of smashing it in one post, I’m going to hit you up with Part 3 Saturday 9am GMT just coz

Word count: 1540

Warnings: Violence, abuse

Part One & Masterlist

Part Three

He stiffens at that, his eyes darkening introspectively. "Heidi?"

Hysteria bubbles in your chest. "You don't know her name? You don’t even-!” A laugh erupts from your throat. “How do you act so high and mighty when you don’t even know her name?"

"Y/N-"

"She wouldn’t have been there if it weren't for me! And then I went ahead and slept with her killer!"

"I weren't on that ferry-"

"But you stayed knowing what he had done!" You choke as the sobs finally overcome you. "You stayed with him and I stayed with Colm and… I thought you made it better, but this is so so much worse."

Arthur swears, reaching for you before retracting his hand hesitantly. "I'm sorry- if I'd have known…"

"You'd what? Leave them?" You try to scoff but the corners of your mouth are dragging too far towards your chin. “You have that luxury?”

He sighs, defeated. “You ain’t been in the game as long as I have. Sometimes things get messy.”

“Messy is a pile of lawmen. Messy is a couple of horses being lost.”

“I wasn’t there - things go wrong-”

“A job gone wrong is loss without a payday - it was a fucking massacre, Arthur! It was indiscriminate slaughter!”

“I’m sorry, ok? We’re all sorry about what happened!” He flicks the reins as if determined to leave the gang behind. “Nobody knows why, but everything blew up and bodies started hitting the deck. You ain’t the only one that lost family on that damn ferry - we lost more people than we have done in years. We tried to tell him it didn’t feel right- but no one ever imagined that...”

He trails off, his chin low, eyes only seeing the road ahead.  You shake your head, wanting nothing more than to curl up and cry, but the bonds are unforgiving so you stay as you are, looking anywhere but at the driver besides you.

Hours pass in silence. You catch him worrying in your peripherals occasionally, but it does nothing to help the ache in your chest nor the overwhelming exhaustion that has burrowed its way into your bone marrow.

Balancing a cigarette between his lips, he strikes a match on the bottom of his boot. When it’s lit, he offers it to you but you turn your head further away. 

“I’ve been smoking a lot lately,” he mutters, smoke curling from his lips. “I’m starting to doubt whether I’m breathing you in or smoking you out.” He throws you another glance, his eyes sad under the rim of his hat as he takes another deep drag. You close your eyes, trying to ignore the pain that ripples in his words.

“Didn’t expect to see you out here!”

Your stomach flutters as the familiar face grunts its way into view. He stretches his legs out, leaning back on his arms that have crossed over your own. Officially seated, he gives you a dazzling smile that makes you melt.

“Can a lady not enjoy some peace and quiet in this town?”

He chuckles, setting the worn gambler’s hat aside as he lights a smoke. “Surprised you’d want to.”

You nudge him playfully, accepting the proffered tobacco with fixed eye contact. You inhale the same air he’s blowing into the misty morning, trying not to let the blush creep up your neck. “What brings you back to Valentine? Outta supplies already?”

He rolls his eyes. “I wish.” You cock a flirtatious eyebrow, but he shakes his head, suddenly serious. “Where were you last week? I made the trip especially.”

“I was… visiting friends,” you lie.

“D’your friends know about me?”

“Do yours?”

His fingers caress your hand as he takes back the cigarette. “Touché.”

“What would you have done if it had been the other way round?” he asks eventually. “If you and Colm’s boys came into our camp… What would you have done?”

“I kill men - not women.” You open your eyes to meet his brooding gaze. “I… can’t imagine I’d have done well when I learned about the boy neither.”

“If they weren’t there?”

You swallow the lump in your throat as he looks away. “I wouldn’t have had a choice.”

“There’s always a choice,” he says lowly. “Is that what you tell yourself?” Your laugh is damp.

“This life…”

“Is shit.” You scoff as his lips thin. “We don’t go into it because we want to. The only reason we stick with it is because we’ve made too many enemies to go clean.”

“C’mon, it ain’t all bad-”

“Everything about us is fucked because we got caught in the crosshairs.” His mouth twists, your own disappointment reflected in his slouched shoulders. “You made me feel like… like all this mess was happening for a reason, but now…” Your voice breaks. “Even if I got away from Colm, you won’t leave Dutch. You wouldn’t have taken me back there if you could’ve. Everything is just… fucked.”

"How's your side?” he enquires gently.

"Least of my worries,” you mutter. You haven’t been able to sleep properly for weeks now, and when you do, your dreams are borderline hallucinogenic. The exhaustion has long since soaked into your bones, and now with your limbs bound for yet another unending hour, it wasn’t like the wound (or your broken tooth) were worthy of your concern.

Your giggles peeter out as you realise what he’s seeing. His eyes are soft and sad as his fingertips drink in the irregularities of your skin as gently as they can.

“Every one of them is a story,” you murmur, pulling his chin up and away from your body. “A story for another time.”

The corner of his lips tucks into his cheek. “Well, if we ain’t sharing secrets-” He leans back and pulls his shirt over his head in one swift tug. Your hands are small, pale and delicate against the muscles of his stomach. You comb them through the golden hair, trying not to linger on the silver scars that litter his body.

You wrap a hand around the back of his neck and pull him in, wordlessly thanking him. He responds firmly, his tongue tracing your lips as your bodies mould to one another. Despite your efforts, you realise with a sinking stomach that you have gone and fallen in love with him.

Graceful in defeat, you gorge yourself in this new emotion, allowing yourself to bask in the temporary bliss that is his company.

Dirt builds up behind your nails as you hiss back into the present moment.

“Done,” breathes Arthur, his fingers grazing the soft flesh of your hip as he cuts the thread. “I guess I should have guessed where all your stories came from. I didn’t mean to become one of them.”

You try to inspect the stitches yourself but they’re just out of your line of sight. Pulling down your shirt, you look around for the bedroll. Every string of every muscle is screaming for rest, no matter how temporary. As though reading your mind, Arthur tuts.

“You need to eat somethin’.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You should be. When was the last time you ate?”

“I don’t know. I don’t care either."

He lights another cigarette as you crawl across the grass of your small camp and collapse just inside the tent. You barely close your eyes before the smell of tobacco wakes you again.

“Eat.”

You groan loudly. “What about you?”

“Forget about me.” A cigarette is pinched between his incisors as he begins to pack away the camp. “If you don’t start eatin’, I’m gonna have to do something we’ll both regret.”

The weight of your arms with the small spoon of soup is laughable. You force your mouth to meet it, your entire focus taken up by the menial task. You manage half a bowl before surrendering. Arthur is watching you over the back of his horse, the lines between his brows digging six feet into his head. He looks away quickly, his mouth still a thin line despite his efforts.

“We got another while to go yet.”

“Where are we going?” You watch him unpin the tent and fold it up.

“East.”

“East?” you repeat, laughing at how your ears have warped the sound. Your stomach sinks as you watch him purposely avoid you. “You handing me over?”

“What? No! O’course not, Y/N, I ain’t stupid.”

“Then… why east?” You watch him closely and notice his knee jittering despite his weight. “Where are you taking me?”

“You can’t stay here.”

“And you can’t let me go. If Colm catches me-”

“I won’t let him.”

“Then… what?” You swallow the lump in your throat. “I know you ain’t going to let me stay with you after what I said about Dutch.” Your weak laugh comes out breathless. “Arthur?”

“I’ll make sure you get out of here alright. I owe you that at least.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” you state as calmly as you can. “I’ll be fine.”

The shadows under his eyes are darker today. You can’t help but wonder how much longer he stayed awake after you passed out. “I won’t be able to forgive myself if something happens to you, Y/N. Let me have this.”

[volturialice]

whumptober continues

ok so I missed a few days but we’re back bitches

no 5. where do you think you’re going?

On the Run | Failed Escape | Rescue

1,197 words

warnings: none. oops

rating: K

notes: had to live up to my url sometime. disclaimers: very unedited and I don’t speak italian

no. 5: fuori dalla città

There’s a flight out of Florence at 16:10, and she has to be on it, no matter what. Firenze to JFK, JFK to Philadelphia, and then it will be a simple matter to finally, finally find him.

For the first time in her life (that she can remember), Alice packs light. Nothing too flashy; she needs to blend in with the humans when she can. She allows herself the slightest indulgence with the Carolina Herrera dress—she has to look good when she actually meets him, after all.

Her jet-black cloak she leaves behind. Strange, how naked she feels without its familiar weight on her shoulders. (Or perhaps not strange at all. She silences the paranoid corner of her mind that insists it’s Chelsea’s influence at work.)

Bag packed, she waits in the corridor. There’ll be a three-minute window when Felix leaves to check the aboveground post office box—plenty of time to make it to the lobby and feed Gianna some excuse. Alice runs through a few decisions, testing to see which choice will raise the least suspicion. Master wants me out of the way today. Oh, something about keeping Jane happy, you know how she gets. I’ll meet Felix up topside for patrol.

None of her options are exactly solid, but she’s running out of time. Of necessity, Alice’s flight from Volterra could never have been premeditated—not when her thoughts are not her own. Today may be the only chance she’ll ever get.

She seizes it. The second Felix leaves, she’s off like a bat out of hell—which, as metaphors go, is a bit too literal for comfort.

Her heels make barely a click on the marble floor—that won’t do. Too suspicious. She wills herself to walk normally, like she would on any other day. To make pleasant, unhurried small talk with Gianna, like she goes on patrol with the ungifted gray-cloaks all the time. Gianna, who has never once seen her apart from her master’s side (when was the last time he allowed Alice to go anywhere? The rogue newborn incident of ’92, probably.)

If she had a pulse, it would be roaring in her ears as she steps into the elevator. Such a maddeningly slow, human contraption! Get used to it, Alice orders herself. If this works, you’ll have to play human all the time.

She holds her breath until she reaches the city wall, like a child walking past a graveyard. Another uncomfortable metaphor, considering the mass grave somewhere far beneath her feet. She adjusts her sunglasses, flipping through her visions to confirm that yes, the contacts she’s stolen from Heidi will last long enough to get her dark maroon eyes through passport control. And then—America, Philadelphia, Jasper. The words echo in her head, a mantra pulling her onward. Just a few hours more and her life can finally begin.

Demetri will have to be dealt with, of course, but Alice has every expectation of success. Between her supernatural ability and Jasper’s skill in combat, they’ll be able to cross that bridge when they come to it. And in the United States, there’ll be no shortage of vampires willing to come to her aid, too, Alice is certain—Peter and Charlotte, the Cullens. Just thinking their names sends a frisson of excitement down her spine.

She’s never actually had to drive before, but of course she knows how. Even Master’s cosseted dearest ones can jimmy a window and hot wire a vehicle. Alice is pleased at how smoothly it all goes, at the pop of the lock and the purr of the engine. Who knew cars were so much fun?

Intent on the shifting future, she hardly notices the countryside flashing by, and she barely manages to slow down in time to avoid the polizia—wait; make that doesn’t manage. She lets out a string of curses in six different languages as the blue Fiat merges into the lane behind her, but its lights don’t flash—can it be a coincidence? Just her luck, that the officer inside would pick this moment to head back to Florence. No self-respecting vampire drives the speed limit, scoffs an imaginary Demetri in her mind. But there’s no other choice. Alice can’t afford to be pulled over in a stolen car today.

Her hands are practically shaking as she takes the exit for the airport. To her dismay, the Fiat follows—infuriating! It occurs to her that she’s far enough outside Volterra to be allowed to kill whoever’s inside with impunity, and her throat burns distractingly at the though. If only she had the time. It would be best to find some sort of snack before boarding a plane full of humans.

Alice has no memory of what it felt like when her heart pounded—but it must have been something like this, she imagines, turning into the parking garage. Jasper’s gift would be going haywire, if he were only here to feel her!

She parks the car in a shadowy corner, slings her bag over her shoulder, and heads for the elevator. In less than an hour, she’ll be on a plane above the sea. What will it look like? She reaches for a vision and sees…stones? Stone walls—no—wait, that can’t be right—

Ding. The elevator door slides open.

“Hello, dear one,” says Aro.

“Going somewhere, Gorgeous?” quips Demetri. His arm is draped in black fabric—her cloak.

Alice says nothing. A quick series of visions confirm that no, if she bolts to the left she won’t outrun him—and definitely won’t outrun Jane, who smirks from their master’s other side.

Aro heaves a crestfallen sigh. “I did think you might be ready for some more wide-ranging responsibility, after all these years,” he tells her, “but Caius advised me to test your loyalty first. I do so loathe being proven wrong.” He holds out a hand.

Alice sets her jaw, her instincts still raring to fight or flee even as her rational mind recognizes the futility of either plan. She hates the Alice who lifts her hand to slide her fingers into Aro’s. For the first time in nearly sixty years, she feels the urge to flinch away from the familiar chalky, papery feel of his skin.

“Ingenious,” he murmurs without emotion, and Alice almost wishes he would rage at her, be the cruel master she could make herself rebel against.

He does no such thing, of course.

“My poor Alice,” he croons, stroking the side of her face. “So little acquainted with the outside world.”

And whose fault is that? Alice wants to spit. If Aro hears the thought, he doesn’t react.

“If I had known you were suffering so, I would have had the Guard retrieve your mate long ago,” he assures, releasing her hand.

Dread settles in the pit of Alice’s stomach. “That’s not necessary, Master,” she pleads. “You’re…much too kind to me.” (Jane scoffs.) “Truly, I don’t need anything.” Please, please, please leave him be.

“On the contrary, dear one. Clearly I have neglected you for far too long.”

He crooks a finger, and Alice steps into the elevator. Demetri settles the cloak around her shoulders.

.

.

ok it’s very late and I’m slightly buzzed and you can’t even begin to understand how tempting it was to make demetri say “are you lost, babygirl”

[knightmathias]

task 01: spring play audition ( macbeth ) !

notes: don’t give him macbeth thank u i want him to go batshit LMAO im kidding but rlly dont give him macbeth

i also couldn’t figure out how to put this in organically but mathias def knows that a LOT of the others are gunning for macbeth too!!! but he’s never been worried bc he knows for sure he’s always going to get the lead roles so he never really thinks about anyone else, i think it’ll be great for him to not only NOT get macbeth but not even a really big role full stop ? i don’t think it makes sense for heidi to give him a SMALL role maybe bc he IS technically really fuckin good but i also dont think heidi think it’s Best to give him a huge role anyway like she can see the Laziness in him and “acting for the wrong reasons” / not improving as an actor bc he’s never been in the spot to need to!!!!!!

Calling it a problem sounded so serious, you think derisively. Your hands are brushing over the small packet of coke you’ve placed on the desk, eyebrows furrowed. You’ve got ten minutes until your audition, and whilst Heidi doesn’t seem to be the type of person to appreciate tardiness, you’re not used to bending yourself to follow the rules. So you’ll be late. Big deal.

Calling it a problem, you continue thinking, getting your thoughts back on track. Calling it a problem was silly. An addiction would come in the form of your sister Ana, who could never stop herself. And even then, she’s fine. High every time you see her these days, maybe, but she’s fine -- Bad things don’t happen to the Knights. Only good things. Only good things.

Still, you sweep the bag into your desk drawer instead, out of sight. You don’t need it right now, the temptation was just a little too much when you have the bag in front of you; you’re certainly not nervous about this audition at all. Sure, you haven’t really worked on practising much -- but you never do, right? And sure, you’ve been more distracted as of late -- falling in and out of [the statue’s] bed, preoccupied by Orson’s death. But you either have the star quality or you don’t, it’s what your parents have always taught you. Working hard is good, but it’s for the ones that don’t have it, who want what you have. You’ve run through your lines a few times, you know it’s going to be good.

( And sure, you’ve taken to drinking more and smoking more and done a few more lines lately than would be considered smart. But you don’t talk about that. You don’t even think about that. What’s too much? What’s too far? When is enough enough when you’ve been like this, been around this, your whole life? It’s the glamourous life of theatre, baby, it’s just show biz. )

You take your phone out of your pocket to check the time. 4 minutes. Plenty of time then.

There’s a glass filled halfway of vodka and Coke on your bed stand, not quite finished from the night before. You pick it up and down it, even though it’s gone flat by now. The alcohol to take the edge off, but you won’t admit there’s an edge to you anyway. Liquid luck instead, maybe, but when have you ever needed luck? For the enjoyment, then, is what you reason. Why waste perfectly good alcohol?

By the time you arrive, Heidi’s voice cuts to you, unimpressed. “You’re twelve minutes late.”

“Had to make sure my hair was pretty,” you say charmingly, the cheek usually endearing to others. Orson would’ve loved your response, would’ve grinned and joked back, would’ve said something about the importance of appearance on stage. Orson would’ve ---

But it’s not Orson. It’s Heidi, and she doesn’t seem to think you’re being funny at all. 

“I think it’s best if you just start, since you’re running late.”

But you’ve already made your way onto the stage.

"Mathias Knight,” you say, stage voice on. Your teeth glint white in the light as you flash a professional smile, but Heidi doesn’t seem to return it. “I’m auditioning for the role of Macbeth. I’ve chosen to do Macbeth’s speech from Act 2 Scene 1 -- Enjoy.”

There’s no surprise on Heidi’s face at your announcement of choice, but you don’t let it deter you. Of course it’s predictable, to go for Macbeth and to do this scene, but does it matter what you audition with, when your talent will showcase either way? You want Macbeth and you’re going to get it, you always do. There was no point putting in more work than its worth, when performing Macbeth’s most famous soliloquy did the same job.

Heidi nods, so you take a deep breath and settle into your role effortlessly. You’ve heard the others talk about needing to have an emotional connection to the role they’re playing, and you’ve never quite understood it -- you’ve played characters you could hardly even fathom being similar to, but you’ve played them excellently nonetheless. Acting, for you, is not about the emotion, or the personal, or the leaving of your body behind. It’s about the skill and the technique and the way you perform it -- because that’s what it is, isn’t it? It’s a performance. It’s a performance and you’re conscious of that fact every moment you are on that stage, your own kingdom. You connect with the characters because you need to, but it’s always been on that surface level, knowing you are playing them. You are not Macbeth. That much is clear. But you’re a damn good actor.

“Is this a dagger which I see before me, / The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee...”

You’ve never known fear, or delusion, like Macbeth in this scene -- but that’s never been why you’re so good. You can push passion and emotion out of your voice so well that no one could ever see the difference, you can bend and contort your face in the same anguish and people will believe it. What is a tragedy to someone who’s never experienced the bad? It’s just: tragedy. It’s a word. It means nothing.

( Tragedy: a play dealing with tragic events and having an unhappy ending, especially one concerning the downfall of the main character. )

( Of course you’re the main character, you’re always the main character. There’s nothing forgettable about the way you hold yourself, the way you speak, the way you move. The downfall of the main character. But you’ve not done anything wrong, have you? You didn’t murder Orson. What’s the worse crime you’ve committed? A few stolen grams of coke? Petty thievery, small crime -- who is hurting from your lack of consequences? No one. You were born indestructible. You’re pretty sure you’re going to die that way too. )

( An unhappy ending. Darling, your story is hardly far from over yet. )

When you finish the soliloquy, that powerful feeling that settles in your bones every time you perform, you half-expect an applause. You were objectively good and there’s no other way that that could be twisted. Instead, you look out and only meet Heidi’s eyes, facial expression unreadable. For a moment, you’d forgotten, waiting for Orson to tell you how brilliant you were. 

But Orson wasn’t here. Isn’t it funny it only hits you in the gut every time you want something from him? His approval felt like an applause from an adoring crowd. His approval confirmed everything you’ve ever known about yourself, and you didn’t realise you craved it so badly until you were faced with the absence of it.

Several beats of silence. You’re waiting for her to say something, but when she doesn’t, you say, “So?”

Finally, Heidi shrugs. “It was an impressive performance. Truthfully, one of the best I’ve seen today.”

At that, you square your shoulders, basking in the compliment. What’s the best part of acting for you? You’ve heard others say things like slipping out of their own body and mind, into someone else’s. No, for you, you bleed yourself out on stage for this: the roaring approval.

But Heidi isn’t done talking. She adds, “I just don’t know if it’s enough.”

You blink. “Pardon me, but what?”

“What do you think about when you’re acting on stage, Mathias?”

The question takes you by surprise. “I think -- I think about the role I’m playing.”

Heidi shakes her head. “The thing is -- I just don’t think you do. I think you’re thinking about the praise you’ll get.”

“Is that such a bad thing?” You don’t have a bad temper, you’ve never been forced to. But irritation ignites within you, an uncomfortable and unfamiliar feeling. 

She considers you for a moment, and you’ve never felt self-conscious in your life, least of all on a stage. She considers you for a moment, and you feel suddenly very naked, like she’s looking at something deep within you and she’s not liking what she sees.

“Thank you for your time, Mathias,” she says abruptly.

“No,” falls out of your mouth first, because you’re not used to being dismissed, not used to failing. She said it was one of the best performances she’s seen today, but suddenly it doesn’t feel enough. 

Her eyebrows raise.

“You said it yourself that I’m good,” you say hurriedly. “I’m the best, and you know it. You can dislike me all you like --”

“Mathias, I don’t dislike you --”

“But I know I’m good,” you continue, as if uninterrupted. “When I’m on that stage, it doesn’t matter who likes me as Mathias and who doesn’t; all that matters is that the audience does. I’ve been playing the lead my whole life for a reason, and they’ll all call it arrogance, but there’s nothing wrong in knowing that I’m good. That I’m the best. Who cares if I’m connecting emotionally to the characters? I’m one of the best actors on this program and it’s for a reason, and I’m sorry it’s not the reason you want it to be, but talent is a reason in itself. That’s what Orson told me. Orson said I have what it takes. Orson said I was going to do big things. Orson said --”

“Mathias,” Heidi cuts off neatly, and there’s something in her voice that you can’t place. Pity, maybe? But you’ve never been pitied before. What is there to pity in you? You’re the star. You’re always the fucking star. “I’m not Orson.”

The sentence guts you in a way it shouldn’t, and you blink at the aftermath of your outburst. 

“Thank you for your time, Mathias,” she says again, firmer. 

This time, you move off the stage, towards the door. The only thing you can think about is how badly you need a drink.

[dailyaudiobible]

03/31/2021 DAB Transcript

Deuteronomy 16:1-17:20, Luke 9:7-27, Psalms 72:1-20, Proverbs 12:8-9

Today is the 31st day of March welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it is great to be here with you. If it's the 31st day of March then it's the last day of March and that's what it is, the last day of the third month of the year. So, the last day of March, the last day of the first quarter of the year. Whew! Can you believe it? It's just so weird, time. It’s just so elastic. It just…because I’m gonna be we saying the same thing to you in six months or whatever and it’s gonna be October and it will be like wasn't it just…wasn't it just March? But here we are. This is how it works. We just keep showing up. This is how it works. Show up, take the next step forward, show up, take the next step forward and we move all the way through the year together in community and through the Bible. And what a year it's been so far. So, anyway last day of the year. Congratulations for making it this far. If you have made it this far there is…you can do this. Like, it’s not a matter of whether you could or couldn't anymore. You can. You’ve made it a quarter of the year. We've got this. And, so, let's dive in. We are in the book of Deuteronomy as we reach the conclusion of our first quarter of the year. Moses is speaking. Moses is the speaker in all of Deuteronomy. These are the things that he needs to say before he is no longer the leader of this people before the transition of power or authority is bestowed upon Joshua and Moses becomes a part of history. And, so, Moses has everyone's attention. He has led them every step of the way and he's reviewing a lot of things and we’re reviewing a lot of the key aspects of the law at this point. Deuteronomy chapters 16 and 17.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we’ve already talked about how this is the last day the month, it’s the last day of the quarter. And, yeah, we’ll flip the page and tomorrow will be a new month and a new quarter and then the day after tomorrow will be good Friday. And, so, we’re in the middle of holy week and we’re coming to the end of the Lenten season for those who have kind of engaged in it to some degree. And we…we’re  moving toward Easter. And we very, very often just move past all of the holy week stuff, the contemplation of…of the sacrifice and just move into Easter and we’ve talked about that before too, about not doing that. And, so, this is kind of one of those times because we’re seeing this story where Jesus goes to Caesarea Philippi. And we talked about this story already but the question that comes out of the story - “who do you say that I am?” - there's not is not a more important question than that, maybe in life. But right now, as we are moving forward, moving forward into new seasons, and embracing where we are as…as we observe Good Friday and think of Jesus crucifixion and His death. And on Saturday just sitting with the loss, basically, because Jesus died and was laid in a tomb and laid in the tomb dead. Like all is lost and then all things are made new. And yet this question, “Who do you say that I am?” sort of burns its way through all of that and continues to come front and center because the answer to that question really truly dictates the trajectory of our entire life. And, so, it's fitting that we would cross this territory as we prepare to leave this quarter behind and move into a new month and move directly into Easter, that this question would sit there like the bookend at the end of a quarter, almost like everything that we have read and learned and thought about and contemplated in the Scriptures up to this point, almost like everything has been leading us to this question.

Prayer:

Jesus, we embrace that fully. We could answer like Peter, You are the Messiah, You are the son of the living God, and that is true, that is our declaration. And yet, how would we…where would we even start if we needed to say all that You are because You are more than we can say and You are more than enough. And yet even declaring that to You in a statement of worship it's also a convicting thing because we can say You are more than enough and then look at the way we live as if that's anything but true. And, so, this question “who do what You say that I am?” really does dictate where we’re going. We want to embrace that today and over the next several days as we move into and through the Easter celebration. What is our lives saying? Who do we say that You are? Come Holy Spirit into that question. Lead us down the pathways of our own hearts we pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it's the website, it's where you find out what’s going on around here. Of course, as I've mentioned many times if you are using the Daily Audio Bible app you can access these things from there as well by using the Drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner.

So, yeah, check out the Community section. This is where the Prayer Wall is. This is where we get connected.

Check out the Daily Audio Bible Shop. This is where there are resources in many different categories that we've developed over the years for the journey. This particular one, the one that we’re on, the one that is a voyage through a year and across the entire Bible, so that…well…by the time we’re done we’ve read every word, every sentence, every paragraph, every verse. And it's a big book. And, so, taking a journey through a year and investing a year of life together in community to take this journey, there are many resources for that journey in the Daily Audio Bible Shop. So, check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, if this mission that we share to bring the spoken word of God read fresh every day and given freely to anyone who will listen to it anywhere on this planet any time of day or night and to build community around that rhythm so that we know we’re not alone on this journey, we’re together and we’re going through the same kinds of stuff our brothers and sisters are going through all around the world. And just have that solidarity as we take this journey is so important and so meaningful. And if that's been true for you, it's important and meaningful than thank you for your partnership. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address, if that’s your preference, is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement you can hit the Hotline button in the app, which is the little red button up at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello this is Mountain Girl from New Mexico I just want to thank Brian and Jill and everyone that's involved in the Daily Audio Bible. I've been listening for 12 years and it has become a major part of my life. I would like to pray for Phil. Father I ask that You’d bless his son Andrew who is having open heart surgery. I pray for guidance and wisdom for the doctors, and I pray for healing for Andrew, and I pray that You'd lead and guide Phil. Kingdom Seeker Daniel, I pray for his son Daniel and his mental illness and I just pray for healing for his mind Father. You are a great healer and I ask You to heal his mind. I pray for the lady that called in and sang tis so sweet to trust in Jesus. That was absolutely beautiful. Thank you. Miley from Canada who's retiring from being a family doctor and persecuted for her faith. I just pray for guidance for you and for wisdom and the Lord would lead you to exactly what He wants you to do. Marla from Kentucky whose friend Steve had a stroke. I pray for healing. I pray Lord that You would help him and help him to recover, and I just pray that everyone involved would become closer to You through this trial. C with postpartum and the kids and her husband, Lord I just pray for emotional healing for emotional support. I pray Lord that You would help them and that You would heal her and guide her. For redeemed Rachel whose pastors leaving in a cross-country move. I pray Lord that so many changes but that you would be her constant through all this and that You would be her rock. Jaws of Life in New Hampshire, I pray for you marriage and I pray that God would heal your marriage. I pray that He would be the steady force in your life that would heal. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Heidi DAB Family this is Laura in South Florida. Today is the 28th day of March and this morning I heard a prayer request from someone who did not give their name, but it was a girl who is dealing with a sexual sin. And I just want to tell you dear sister whenever you ask God for to forgive you, He forgives. God is always honest and always truthful. Whatever He says is true and He says if you confess your sins, He is faithful and just to forgive your sin and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. My sweet sister you are forgiven. I love that word, forgiven. Believe me, I have…I have asked God to forgive me many times and I…I am so grateful for his forgiveness. And I just pray sister that you would just…just every time you feel an urge to sin that you would just say God, I can't do this without You. Please God Holy Spirit give me Your strength to do this and thank You Jesus.

Good morning Daily Audio Bible family my name is Julie I've been listening for many years, but this is the first time this introvert has called in and I just wanted to call because as we’re reading through Deuteronomy and listening to Moses his words for the people I can't help but think, you know, see what a compassionate person he is. Here he is not going into the promised land because of them yet he still loves them dearly and is still trying to teach them so that they can be successful. It's just…it is so wonderful, and I feel that this community is Moses too. I feel that we’re a compassionate people, the body of God helping each other, praying for each other. And I just wanted to call and say thank you to all of you are there for this community and keep…keep calling in with your praise reports, keep calling in with your prayers and, who knows, I might call in yet again. It only took four months this year before I made the commitment that I was. So maybe…maybe it won't take another four months for me to call in again but love you all. Thank you.

Hi DAB family this is your sister Julie from North Idaho. I just wanted to call and encourage my little sister that called and didn't leave her name on the podcast that was on March 28th. Sweetheart, thank you so much for making yourself vulnerable to the rest of us and you are in a safe place. And you called and asked the right people to help you out. We’re your brothers and sisters in Christ and we support you and we absolutely encourage you and want to thank you for asking for forgiveness. Honey, you're forgiven, first through the eyes of Jesus and then through your brothers and sisters in Christ in this DAB family. And we also want you to know that while you have been forgiven you need to forgive yourself sweetheart. And sometimes that's so much harder than asking for forgiveness from others. You need to know that you are washed and cleansed by the blood of Jesus, that He no longer counts your sin against you, and that just the fact that you are emotionally and spiritually asking for forgiveness and to be healed and restored, honey, know that it's already been done as soon as you asked Him. Lord we ask that you heal and restore our little sister. You know who…what her name is Lord and we just pray for deliverance and we pray for emotional healing, spiritual healing, and physical healing. To you be all glory honesty and honor Lord Jesus. We love you and honor you and thank you for hearing our prayer and putting your protection at our you're covering over our little sister. May she live in freedom praising you and thanking you for being her Lord and savior. We ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen. I love you my brothers and sisters in Christ. Have a wonderful day and happy Easter. He is risen!

This is Candace from Oregon I'm gonna be asking prayers for Karen in Florida but before I do that I just want to say that in my own life, I'm 64 years old now, but I had children starting as a very, very young person first one born when I was 21 and my husband was a really, really great husband a really good provider, did not have as much of a vision as a parent. He didn't ever, you know, get up in the middle of the night with a baby or change a diaper. He didn't…that just wasn't his desire or his thing. He didn't go, you know, throw a ball with his boy or anything like that. So, I raised these three kids alone…also because he was working 70- or 80-hour weeks or off and he was in Asia or traveling somewhere far away. So, I raised them alone although we had materially what we needed. And, so, it was a great relief to me when I turned…we both turned 58 and he retired early. And at the time our oldest child was living here with us with her 3-year-old son and they lived here with us for three years that it was just really wonderful to parent this little boy together rather than me just alone. And, you know, it was really three of us parenting this little boy which was delightful. So, Lord I pray for Karen in Florida, a single grandma raising a 13-year-old in a high…she’s in a highly demanding job. The 13-year-old is homeschooling, she's raising a 3-bedroom household by herself. So, Lord lift her up, be her husband, make this go incredibly smoothly. Let her feel Your support around her at all times and Your guidance and Your provision and we ask this in Jesus’ name.

[fallingprincess]

And they were roommates pt.3 (Ben Hardy x reader)

Or the one where Ben makes you kiss his friend, because he is totally not jealous

Long awaited Masterpost

For a chronological read start here

I was so excited to upload this!

Words: 1.6k

***

“When were you going to tell me you got cast in ‘We are the champions’?” Ben stormed into the living room, where you were cuddled up into a blanket watching a Netflix show. He had just gotten off the phone with his agent apparently.

‘We are the champions’ was the sequel to ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, a movie about the band Queen, Ben had played a major role in it two years ago. You had been unsure when your agent had sent you the papers with the words ‘You’d be great for it, you have that innocent devil face’ written on top of it. Nevertheless, you had gone to the audition and only two weeks later actually signed the contract.

“Because we both know I got that part mainly because our friends with benefits relationship will make for great publicity, Ben.” you explained calmly, never looking away from the TV. You had come to terms with that fact pretty fast. But you were not complaining. It would be great on your CV anyway. You were going to play Heidi, a German woman in the 1970’s that was according to Roger Taylor himself ‘the only woman that John and I ever fought over’. Basically she was John’s first, then turned into Roger’s. Apparently the producers wanted to use her to show a softer and more emotional side of Roger, instead of rolling out his sex god image once again.

“Well, I think it’s great and I wish you would have told me.” Ben simply stated, pouting just slightly, before cuddling up under the blanket with you.

You pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and snuggled into his shoulder. “I will next time, I promise.”

**

And this is how you ended up at the opening party one month later. The table read was planned to begin the next day and today was a chance for the old ones to catch up and the new ones to get to know everyone. You were the latter. Weirdly enough, you had never met Ben’s friends in person. You had seen them on facetime and heard them talking on the phone, but somehow with both of your work schedules so messed up and you not even being his girlfriend or anything, it had just never happened.

“You are (Y/N).” Lucy smiled, looking stunning as always, when you arrived with Ben. “I watched you on Netflix. Little witch. I loved it.”

You smiled back a genuine smile, already easing into your new surroundings. “Thanks! God, you are gorgeous in person.”

“Stop flirting with my girlfriend and flirt with your boyfriend instead.” A voice laughed sarcastically from the side as a hand extended towards you. “I’m Rami.”

“I’m (Y/N).”

“And she is not my girlfriend.” Ben cut in out of nowhere, engulfing Rami and Lucy in a hug.

“Thanks Ben.” you smiled, not so genuine anymore.

After a few more rounds of introduction, everyone being way too sweet to you, you ended up sitting in between Gwilym and Joe on a large leather couch. You were playing with the beer bottle in your hand as you listened to them catch up, all the while watching Ben. He looked incredibly great in his white button down and dark washed jeans, and you could have eaten him up just there. Every now and then he would glance in your direction, his smile widening just the tiniest bit, just for you to see.

“So, (Y/N).” Lucy suddenly said and all attention turned towards her sitting on Rami’s lap on an armchair nearby. “I just have to ask. You and Ben…”

“Are friends.” You finished for her as you always did and smiled. It wasn’t a lie. Ben and you were friends. Great, great friends.

“Oh, come on.” Joe groaned from your left, just as Gwilym laughed. “We will be at their wedding and they are still going to say that, I swear.”

“We are just friends, guys.” Ben repeated, his eyes never leaving yours. Asking. Longing.

“But you live together. And you sleep together. And you always hang out together.” Joe slowly stated, counting each argument on one finger.

“Sorry, but that is the definition of being a couple.” Rami introduced himself to the conversation and winked at Ben.

You watched Ben rub his palms on his thighs; he seemed aggravated to say the least. You were weirdly into it. “Well people that date have feelings for one another and we don’t.”

You nodded, although you were not sure on whether you agreed with Ben or not. You had weirdly dissociated, almost listening to the entire conversation in third person.

“So you wouldn’t care if someone else kissed her?” Joe asked, his eyebrows raised daringly.

Ben stared him down, his green eyes shining bright in anger, before leaning back on his chair. “Of course I wouldn’t. She can do whatever she wants.”

Were they even still aware you were here? And part of this group?

“I’ll do it.” Gwilym raised his hand, a smirk on his lips. “I’ll kiss her.” Yup, you were pretty sure they had forgotten you were an actual person sitting right here.

Ben just waved his hand in an indifferent manner and crossed his muscular arms in front of his body. “Sure, go ahead.”

Nope. Absolutely nope.

You basically jumped up, grabbing Ben’s arm and pulled him upwards to be on eyelevel with you. “Ben, can I talk to you in private for a second?” you murmured into his ear and he followed you out the door and along a hallway to a row of bathrooms.

*

„Ben, I am not kissing him just so you can prove a fucking point.“ you began as soon as the door was closed behind the two of you. The stall suddenly seemed small, the walls pressing into you from every side. You felt like you had no room to breathe.

“Oh, come on, it’s not that big of a deal! It’s just a kiss!” he protested, his hands on his hips.

“You go kiss him then!” you yelled back, trying to keep your voice low to not alert other people. Not everyone had to know you were also fighting like a couple.

“That’s not even up for debate!” Why was he so fucking stubborn? “(Y/N), you are blowing this totally out of proportion.” He could have just smiled a sarcastic ‘I’d be so jealous’ and moved on with it. But no. “It’s just a kiss, we kiss all the time. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Oh.” You felt something in your chest fall apart and crumble onto the floor like a pile of dirt. Suddenly anger flared up in you and you straightened your back. Fucking idiot. “Alright then.”

You stormed out of the little bathroom and straight back into the conference room, your heart beating more rapidly than it should. Stupid, fucking idiot.

Trying your hardest not to think rationally at this point, you interrupted Gwilym’s talk with Joe by straddling his lap on the couch, both of your thighs being pressed to the outsides of his thighs. You were thankful you had opted for jeans that night.

You threw a glance around your shoulder to make sure Ben had followed and was watching your show, and let your hands slide around Gwilym’s neck.

The man under you gulped as he watched you nervously, his body shifting slightly to adjust to your weight, his warm hands lingering lightly on your thighs. All eyes had settled on you at this point.

“Hi.” You smiled your brightest smile and then slowly lowered your lips onto his.

The first kiss was sweet and tender, testing the waters, nothing more than a sweet innocent peck. The second kiss was firmer, his hands gliding around your back, his nails digging into the small of your back as he pressed you closer and closer, wanting more. The third kiss was forceful, your hands digging into the hair at the back of his neck, a low moan escaping his lips as his tongue found yours to toy with. You tried to let yourself ease into it, but you just couldn’t relax. It was a great kiss, undeniably. But all you could think about was the man still leaning in the door frame, hopefully still watching you with his stupid beautiful green eyes. Fuck Ben. Fuck him. Honestly.

After a while you slowly retreated from Gwilym’s lips, pecking them one more time before letting yourself fall next to him into a sitting position.

Slightly heated you crossed your legs and picked up your beer bottle, pretending like nothing had happened. Taking a sip of beer, you met Ben’s green eyes hammering themselves into you.

With a smirk playing on your lips you rose and walked up to him, his eyes never leaving yours. Once you stood in front of him, you reached into his back pocket to steal his cigarette pack and lighter. “What’s the matter, Ben?” you whispered into his ear as you made your way past him to the smoker’s lounge. You couldn’t even tell what had possessed you in that moment, but it sure felt nice to have the upper hand in your weird game for once. You bit your bottom lip, your eyes as innocent as they could be. “It was just a kiss, we kiss all the time. It doesn’t mean anything, right?”

***

Up next: And they were roommates pt.4

More in the Masterpost :)

[smg4andbeetlejuicefanatic]

The New Girl

@frappsundies Writing for a different au this time, it sounds fun :) This one involves my cu oc Emily and what I think her backstory would be in this au. Hope that’s ok.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

George and Melvin were waiting for Harold outside Ms. Ribble’s classroom. He was taking forever to show up.

“AAH! I’m gonna bite him when he gets here!” George exclaimed, getting a little impatient.

“Would that really help anything?” Melvin asked, not looking up from his dictionary.

“I guess not.” George answered, crossing his arms.

“Sorry I’m late!” Harold shouted as he ran up to them, his bare feet slapping against the floor tiles.

“Finally!” George shouted in return.

“It wasn’t my fault! Heidi wouldn’t get out of bed!” Harold shouted again.

“Well, you’re here now. Let’s go, class is about to start.” Melvin interrupted. He closed his dictionary as he and his buddies went in and sat at their desks at the front. Harold was in the middle, and there was an empty desk next to Melvin.

Soon Ms. Ribble made her entrance. All the kids went quiet as she slithered in (my hc is that she’s a gorgon like Medusa).

“Good morning, class. Before we begin, I have an announcement. Today, we will be welcoming a new student.” she said. Two of the snakes on her head were snapping at each other.

The boys perked up when they heard this.

“She’ll be here momentarily. Your assignment today is to start a group project, so go ahead and pick your groups.” Ms. Ribble added, picking up a stack of paper.

Naturally, the boys formed a group of three while the rest of the class formed groups with their friends.

After all of that, Ms. Ribble handed a paper explaining the details of the project to each student and let them talk amongst themselves.

“I know we’re supposed to be focused on this project, but I’m too excited about the new girl. She could be a potential new friend!” Harold said with a smile.

“Yeah, and I’m curious to see what creature she is!” George added. “Me too!” Harold responded.

“So am I, but let’s at least assign roles to each other.” Melvin added, pointing to the paper.

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the classroom door and the class went quiet again.

“Line up in front of the desks, that’s her.” Ms. Ribble stated as she swatted at the two fighting snakes on her head to get them to stop. The kids put down everything they were doing and did as told.

Ms. Ribble opened the door, and when the new girl walked in, all eyes were on her.

She wore a dark gray hoodie with the hood over her head and dark ripped jeans and white sneakers. She didn’t look like any creature, however. No fur, no wings, no claws...nothing.

“What’s your name, young lady?” Ms. Ribble asked her.

She was hesitant, and she looked very nervous. “Um...E-Emily.” she answered quietly.

“Can you take off your hood please, Emily?” Ms. Ribble asked again.

Emily slowly did as told. When her hood came off, it revealed her blue eyes and her brown hair in a low ponytail.

But everyone’s smiles faded when they saw her like this.

She was human.

“Now you’ll say your names to her one by one, starting with George.” Ms. Ribble stated, gesturing to George.

“George Beard.” the vampire boy said, showing off his fangs.

“Harold Hutchins.” Harold said after, waving.

“Melvin Sneedly.” Melvin said with confidence.

Emily didn’t even listen to the others. She was captivated by Melvin. As she stared at him, her cheeks began to turn red and a small smile formed on her lips.

There was a warm feeling in her chest and butterflies in her stomach.

“So, who would like Emily to be in their group?” Ms. Ribble asked.

Nobody spoke. Everyone except the three boys gave her angry glares, which made her more nervous than before; scared even.

“We would.” Harold finally answered, raising his hand.

They were all glaring at them now.

“Alright. Now get back to work.” Ms. Ribble said before going back to her desk.

When the groups reformed, Emily had put her hood back on and she was assigned a part of the project. They now had time to talk about whatever.

“So Emily, tell us about yourself.” Harold said eagerly.

“W-Well...” Emily started. “I sometimes like to doodle, but I’m better at writing short stories. And I like math.” she finished. She was still nervous but felt a little better knowing that not everyone seemed to be against her.

“Melvin and I like to doodle too! And George writes! The three of us make comics!” Harold said cheerfully.

“Cool!” Emily responded.

The bell cut their conversation short, and they said goodbye to Emily at the door, since she had a different next class than they did.

They expected to see her again at lunch, and they did, but not in the way they thought. They were about to enter the cafeteria when she’d suddenly burst through the doors and ran down the hall.

And she was covered in trash.

“YOU’RE NOT WELCOME HERE, YOU STUPID HUMAN!” some random kid yelled after her. He and his friends laughed and high-fived each other; presumably the ones that bullied her.

They followed the trail of trash she left behind to the art room, which was void of anyone except for her. She was sitting in the middle of the room hugging her knees and sobbing quietly. The boys looked at each other before going in.

“Hey, are you ok?” Harold asked. She was startled at the sound of his voice, but quickly calmed down. “Yeah...” she answered with a sniffle.

“You clearly aren’t. We saw what happened back there. The end of it, at least.” Melvin responded. He, George, and Harold walked up and sat behind her.

She turned around and faced them. Her face was soaked with tears. “Everyone hates me because they think I’m a human. I’m surprised you guys don’t.” she said, looking down at the floor. She dragged her finger against the soft material of the rug that probably shouldn’t be in a room where it can be easily stained.

The boys’ faces lit up with shock. “Wait, you’re not human?” George asked.

“No.” Emily answered, still looking at the rug.

“Then...what are you?” Melvin asked.

Emily sighed. “I’m a werewolf.”

The boys were now confused. “How come you don’t look like one?” Melvin asked again.

“I was born with a rare condition that makes my eyes, ears, nose, and teeth look human instead of wolf-like in my human form. I also don’t have a tuft of fur on my chest.” Emily answered (another hc; that werewolves in their human form still retain wolf-like eyes, ears, noses, and teeth, and have a tuft of fur on their chest that’s never really visible because clothes :P). “But I can transform! In the night and day! But to do it in the day, someone has to make me really angry, and I don’t know if that’ll happen anytime soon.” she added.

“Ohhhhhhhh!” George and Harold said in unison.

“But nobody would believe me if I told them that...” Emily continued, looking back down at the rug.

The boys looked at each other again and nodded. “We’ll help you out!” Harold said happily.

Emily perked up. “Really?”

“Of course! We’ve always been taught that humans are mean, and you’re really nice! If we can get the others to see that, maybe they’ll realize that you aren’t what you seem!” Melvin answered. He was confident in his plan.

Emily stared at him like she did earlier in Ms. Ribble’s class. Her cheeks turned red again. He was even cuter than before, especially his tooth gap.

Suddenly, a hand waved in front of her face. “H-Huh? What?” she said.

“You went into a trance or something.” George responded.

“Oh! Sorry, I must’ve got lost in my thoughts. That happens sometimes.” Emily laughed nervously. “But...thanks, guys. This means a lot.” she added.

“You’re welcome!” the boys said all at once.

Emily laughed. She was happy to have such awesome friends.

As they talked more, they ate; the boys giving parts of their lunches to Emily so she wouldn’t go hungry. They asked her about her werewolf form and what it looked like, and she said it looks like everyone else’s werewolf form, except her fur was gray instead of brown, and her eyes turn red if she gets angry but stay blue for any other emotion.

The boys grew closer to the new girl quicker than they thought, but they didn’t mind.

New friends were cool.

[leoninapelliolovesconchitawurst]

ENGLISH TRANSLATION (by me)

ZEITUNG ONLINE 11/11/19

Interview: Rabea Weihser

https://www.zeit.de/kultur/musik/2019-11/conchita-wurst-tom-neuwirth-queen-of-drags-heidi-klum

Conchita Wurst : "For me as a man, this is very difficult to discuss"

Is drag cultural appropriation? Tom Neuwirth alias Conchita Wurst sits on the jury of the new Heidi Klum show "Queen of Drags" and must hear many allegations.

Tom Neuwirth just turned 31 years old. At 17, he reached the second place in the Austrian talent show "Starmania" and was a member of the boy band Jetzt Anders for a short time ! In 2012 he took part in the Austrian preselection for the Eurovision Song Contest (ESC) for the first time in the guise of his art figure Conchita Wurst. The protest was big: Should a woman with a beard represent the country? Two years later he tried again and won the biggest singing competition in the world for Austria. Now Neuwirth has gotten rid of the long hair and released his third album "Truth over Magnitude". As of November 14, he will appear on the screen of the casting show "Queen of Drags" alongside Heidi Klum and Bill Kaulitz on ProSieben. Since the announcement, there has been strong criticism of this broadcast format - especially from the queer community. How does Neuwirth handle it? We meet him in October in a hotel in Berlin, he sits down and hums a happy fanfare.

ZEIT ONLINE: Mr. Neuwirth, you have short hair and now appear as Wurst, without Conchita. From the press release for your new album, we take that is now your "masculine-edged" contrast program. Does it always need an art figure that embodies a certain facet, or at some point you can sometimes say, "My name is Tom Neuwirth and that's all"?

Tom Neuwirth: I have the feeling that I am now as close to my private person as never before. Maybe last was when I was 17 and at Starmania. I constantly get the question: Is it him or her now? I then always entice myself to open a drawer to explain to people what is actually going on. In the end, it's just me, and sometimes with a wig, sometimes without, sometimes masculine, sometimes feminine.

ZEIT ONLINE: Without this glamorous costuming you are probably much more approachable, even for the fans.

Neuwirth: Of course, I notice that without the wig the situations in which people recognize me become more and more frequent. And I'm not sure how funny that is. Barbara Schöneberger once said that she would not be recognized on the street if she did not wear make-up. I'm trying that too. (laughs out loud)

TIME ONLINE: Not really, right?

Neuwirth: Of course it's a double-edged sword. I have understood in recent years: The lightness and the world in my head are not always compliant with a First Lady Conchita in a pencil skirt and well-shorn hair. What I'm doing now is part of my personality that I have not lived up to now in a female appearance. I've always danced to electro music privately and thought to myself: Why do not I make music that I like?

ZEIT ONLINE: Does Truth over Magnitude mean a musical cut or is it more in your production?

Neuwirth: I had created a President's wife and worked and lived according to this protocol. I lost myself after the song contest. Musically, of course, it's a different sound, although on my first studio album, I already had numbers that were relatively electronic. But they did not get that much attention. And so, yes: it was probably the larger cut optically. It was the bald spot. It freed me.

ZEIT ONLINE: With this bald head you were in February at the side of the Austrian Minister of Justice Josef Moser (ÖVP) at the Vienna Opera Ball. When you won the ESC as a bearded lady five years ago, especially conservative politicians made a derogatory remark. Heinz-Christian Strache, Vladimir Putin, Jarosław Kaczyński ...

Neuwirth: Everyone was there. Thanks for the attention. (Laughs)

ZEIT ONLINE: How do you assess the situation of trans people and homosexuals in Europe today? Could you do something with your presence?

Neuwirth: I think that something has changed in the media mainstream. Even when I talk to teenagers, I notice a sensibility that I did not know before - that's when I'm being reprimanded when I say something wrong. And that, I think, is a beautiful development. But I tend to forget that I live in a bubble too.

ZEIT ONLINE: We have to talk about the great mustard yellow lacquer stilettos you are wearing right now.

Neuwirth: You can tell that I'm from Los Angeles. I looked at myself today and thought: Ah, there is a bit left over!

ZEIT ONLINE: You were in California to shoot with Heidi Klum and Bill Kaulitz the new ProSieben show Queen of Drags. This is a format inspired by Ru Paul's Drag Race, a talent show for drag queens that is very successful in the USA.

Neuwirth: Let's say what it's like: Ru Paul's Drag Race has shown a growing generation that individualism is great. This has been consumed in my community for ten years. And that has also made us a bit stronger. But when I see a couple of two women or two men in Vienna, I think it's nice, but I still notice how special that is. And I believe, as long as that is still the case, we can not say that there is equality.

ZEIT ONLINE: The German audience knows Dragqueens rather in the form of Olivia Jones, Lilo Wanders or Mary from the jam advertising. They called them Tunten and always liked to bring them as birds of paradise in front of the camera, if it should be colorful or even slippery. So, if you've only seen this before, you may be wondering, what is Drag?

Neuwirth: We all make drag. We go out in the morning with our worklook, our working face, and that is already a form of metamorphosis. In this culture of stage performance, drag is a total work of art by a person who must have an incredible number of talents. In the most understandable sense, it is the illusion of a female figure.

ZEIT ONLINE: ... portrayed by someone born in the body of a man?

Neuwirth: Not mandatory. There are also women who make drag. There are also heterosexuals who make drag. There are no limits, and that's great. At Queen of Drags, we have guys who portray their version of a female illusion. This is sometimes very close to reality, with beard, others have rather created an alienesque being. I said to all my friends, they have to try dragging once.

ZEIT ONLINE: Why is that important?

Neuwirth: This mask you put on makes you uncompromisingly yourself.

ZEIT ONLINE: If you put them back then ...

Neuwirth: No. Quite simply said: You disguise yourself and this shield is a bit unrestrained. You have other conversations, you are safer in your skin. One alienates and then comes to himself. The next day, when the make-up is down, you may not be as sassy as last night. But you have learned something emotionally, and you take that with you. To see how far your own character is, how much fun you can have with you: this is one of the most beautiful experiences you can do.

ZEIT ONLINE: Cologne Carnivalists would probably say so synonymous. Is it important for this borderline experience to change into the opposite sex?

Neuwirth: No. But the illusion of the opposite sex is a bit stronger than, for example, a toadstool costume. Because, in this case, you get in touch with your female side, which is what many boys do not do, gay or heterosexual.

ZEIT ONLINE: Drag is really a pretty committed subculture. Were you traveling in this scene before you thought up Conchita Wurst?

Neuwirth: I think I was in Drag for the first time when I was 15. I went out and never felt better and more comfortable. The Drag scene in Austria is not really big, but I was looking for my stages somehow. I moderated or sang shows, danced wherever I was allowed to. When I took part in the preliminary round of the Song Contest for the first time in 2012, suddenly there were so many opportunities for me. And I was allowed to travel. Here in Berlin, I met and understood Barbie Breakout, Melli Magic and Gloria Viagra: Ah, that's the sisterhood that everyone is talking about. I love this drag community so much because we can all be a little bit more than we want. With all our emotions and sensitivities and our ego sense of being. But when the going gets tough, we stand up for each other.

ZEIT ONLINE: Every year at carnival time is discussed whether in view of the colonial history, children are still allowed to disguise as Native Americans. Miley Cyrus was scolded in 2013 because she was twerking, and actually only black women with round butts do. Canada's Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is in for trouble because he went to the carnival 20 years ago with a dark face as Aladdin. If one wishes to continue this thought, one could also call drag a kind of cultural appropriation: men, who are generally in a stronger social position than women, play womanhood for entertainment. How do you see that?

Neuwirth: That's very interesting. And in certain parts that's probably true. I also found myself in situations when I worked with colleagues and the press afterwards wrote: I was great and she was vulgar. Then I realized: Oh, I'm still a white man. This imbalance prevails and it is absolutely right to think about it. It is true in part, it is an appropriation. But I think skin color is not a costume.

ZEIT ONLINE: What fascinates you about this appropriation of femininity?

Neuwirth: I was raised by strong women, I love women. The first almost 20 years of my life I listened almost exclusively to female singers, everything else I found boring. Empress Elisabeth or Maria Theresia were also such inspiring personalities, and that cultures inspire me is just as legitimate. But it is incredibly sensitive and difficult to handle properly.

ZEIT ONLINE: A flow of feminism criticized the Drag especially the representation of exaggerated female characteristics, while fighting for equal rights and reduce gender stereotypes. In modern societies, men become slightly more feminine and women more masculine. Why does the drag scene love the conservative female look?

Neuwirth: I breathe individualism. And I would find it terrible if suddenly we were all unified. I'm not concerned about gender roles. My point is that everyone recognizes his own color and paints himself with it. But why should not an overly feminine woman like Pamela Anderson be a feminist?

TIME ONLINE: This feminist current would now answer: she can not be a feminist because her looks are based on the satisfaction of the male sex drive. If she keeps dressing like that, she betrays women fighting toxic manhood.

Neuwirth: But why ... For me as a man, this is very difficult to discuss because I will never understand it authentically.

ZEIT ONLINE: This is the core of the discussion about cultural appropriation. The social or psychological pressure on marginalized people can not be understood from the outside. Do you have the right to disguise yourself as her?

Neuwirth: How could one find an answer to that? I put on clothes, because I find it stunningly beautiful. And not because I think about stepping on someone's neck ...

ZEIT ONLINE: ... or, if you agree with the image of those who may find it beautiful?

Neuwirth: Yes! I'm sorry, in my world it's all about me. I have only one life and I would like to have it as nice as it gets.

ZEIT ONLINE: The criticism of your participation in Queen of Drags must have met you. Especially drag queens have publicly lamented the sell-out of their subculture. Is not it also a kind of cultural appropriation by Heidi Klum, who is not a drag queen, to profitably use this subculture as an entertainment program?

Neuwirth: Maybe. I take this opportunity to bring the drag theme into mainstream and find that Heidi, even if she is not from that scene, has an absolute right to judge a performance. She comes from entertainment and is probably one of the most famous German-speaking people. Would this format have been achieved without her? Maybe not now, or maybe never. Or maybe on a slot, where nobody would have been interested. She is of course a multiplier and a very sensitive one. The criticism was incredibly loud, and I was a little bit confused, because our community always strives to be inclusive, inclusive and without prejudice towards people.

ZEIT ONLINE: I read a quote from the drag queen Dita Whip regarding the jury constellation: "Finally Conchita Wurst will sit next to the extrovert over the top Heidi and watch, powerless how Klum and ProSieben clog their pockets at the expense of queer culture."

Neuwirth: (laughs softly) I would not let that "powerless" stand. (laughs louder) I talked to my friends because I too needed to be sensitized, especially with regard to this cultural appropriation. I am relatively naive and draw my inspiration from everything I see and experience. I was told that financial enrichment was the main problem. And I can understand that for a while. I hope, but also that our Queens have careers according to this format and can do what they like most every day. I focus on that. Not that this statement is now total nonsense, but I think the truth is in the middle.

ZEIT ONLINE: Can I accuse you of opportunism?

Neuwirth: opportunism? I need a translator now, please.

ZEIT ONLINE: Once you said in an analogous sense: Maybe my career will last another 20 years, I just take everything with me. Let ProSieben pull you out of the car to bring credibility to the show?

Neuwirth: Oh, opportunism!

ZEIT ONLINE: There is money, attention, airtime. Is it justified to offend parts of the sisterhood? Or say, "Yo, run with me, that's the business"?

Neuwirth: I have received many such inquiries in the last few years. It took us until we got to the point of being able to realize this show. And I'm probably not an opportunist. I'm just fired up if anything interests me. I am a drag race fan and I come back from L.A. with a full heart. Of course it's a huge show and I love to be in the limelight, I love being in the spotlight. At the same time, I consider myself selective and do not do everything. I hoped that this project would be more personal to me than just a TV show. And that's what it actually has become. It was so much fun that I just hope it translates to the audience. It was just awesome.

[enkelimagnus]

Status: Illegal, Chapter 2

Clary/Izzy, Space AU

This chapter has a fight scene and some of the same themes of chapter 1. This chapter also has some sexual content.

I was asked to credit a mysterious dark stranger for the information on Alec's aiming eye/where the contact lens would be. So here we go. Thanks to a mysterious dark stranger for the information!

Shoot me an ask or a DM on my tumblr @enkelimagnus, or reach me on my Twitter @enkelimagnus! I have anons on and curiouscat so don't be shy!

Read on AO3

“Welcome on board, Izzy, Alec.”

“Good morning Tessa!” They both replied in unison as they walked into the cargo of their ship.

Izzy knew that Alec and Magnus had been up early in the morning before to clean it, which made her slightly anxious as to exactly what had been in her brother’s warrant. She didn’t like when he took dangerous warrants. She didn’t want him to disappear as well.

The ship was relatively small. Designed for a team of 3, it left for a lot of extra space to the two siblings. They each had their own rooms, with the extra room left empty for important passengers or friends. There was an extra bed in the small medical bay, and cots could be arranged in the cargo hold, as well as in the cockpit. Fortunately, they’d never had to come to this.

It was the place that Izzy considered her home, despite the fact that it was just a ship. She slept there almost every night, even when Alec slept in Magnus’ bed. There was something comforting to her about this place. It was theirs, and it would never be taken away. The Clave did not have ownership over what they had.

Alec left her to go directly to the cockpit, while she stopped by her room to change and shower. She selected dark leathery pants and a black tank top, something she knew she would feel good in.

She slipped out of her clothing from the day before and put her hair up in a ponytail, and stepped into the shower cabin. She selected a simple shower and her usual body wash on the panel and sighed happily as the hot water hit her.

She’d been tense lately, she realized as the hot spray massaged her back. It was probably due to the fact that the Rec was now abhorring a terrorist, fugitive from the Clave, who was actively hunted by the Clave forces.

Clary was interesting, and she was attractive, two things that didn’t negate the fact that she was a danger to everyone that stepped into the Rec, and something that could cost Alec and Izzy a lot. Thankfully, she seemed to understand that she had nothing to do in the main room of the bar when it was open.

Izzy stepped out of the shower rather quickly, and checked the levels of body wash and other cosmetics products on the monitor. They needed to go do some shopping. She got dressed, sliding on the pants over some shorts, a black bra under the tank top, and grabbed a blue jacket she’d put on later. She re-attached her holster to her thigh and added a knife to her boot.

“We need to get to the Supplier soon,” she called as she walked into the cockpit. While she showered, Alec had taken off. “We’re low on cosmetics.”

“And on fuel as well,” Alec nodded. “We can do that after the warrant, before coming home. We’ll just have to keep an eye on how much they are filling her up.”

He sat at the pilot’s seat, looking serene as he always did when he flew. Alec liked flying their ship. He’d told her once that it made him feel free. That made her heart ache a little. Alec didn’t often talk about his freedom status, but when he did, it showed how utterly miserable he was.

“Where are we on money?” Izzy asked after a moment, knowing it was why Alec didn’t want the ship to be filled up completely.

“We’ll have enough in a couple of warrants,” Alec replied, and his voice denoted how hard he was trying not to hope. “Enough for the both of us, enough to get all of this -” he shifted his head to make the earring dangle, “-off.”

Izzy sighed happily, sitting down onto the copilot chair and settling in it. “Good. Then we’ll finally be free.” She whispered.

Alec slid his hand towards the space in between their chairs, and Izzy reached to take it. They exchanged a look for a moment, before looking back at the void they were crossing, the landscape of their journey to their new warrant.

“Are you going to still drive me when you’ll be free, Alec?” Tessa asked in the silence.

Izzy had a bit of a chuckle. Their ship had a bit of a preference for Alec’s driving, and Izzy understood. Alec was the one who piloted her more often. And he was also much more interested in the mechanics. Izzy did sleep here more often, and she had good conversations with the AI, and she was her favorite.  

Alec smiled. “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere,” he promised.

“What are we going to do once we’ll be free?” Izzy asked. She’d been wondering that sometimes, but she never let her mind wander too far. She didn’t want to give herself the hope for a life that she might not get to.

“Maybe we could leave the SHA,” Alec shrugged. “All I know is that I want to wed Magnus.”

Izzy watched him with a smirk. “Will that be the first thing you do once they take off your earring and chip? Run to the Rec and ask to wed him?”

Alec chuckled, looking down at his hand. “Maybe. That wouldn’t be an unusual thing to do.”

Izzy smiled. Alec and Magnus were something else. She’d never seen two people that fit together as well as they did. There were many people in love, but they felt different to her. Maybe because she knew them personally. Alec looked happy when he was at the Rec with Magnus, much happier than when he was on a mission.

“The SHA isn’t that bad. I know we didn’t choose it, but it gives us some freedom,” Izzy hummed.

“It gives us some, maybe, but what will it feel like when we’ll be Freed? Maybe it will just feel like a reminder of the past,” Alec pointed out. “But it’s true that this has been our job for years now. We’re good at this, and I don’t really know what else we can be this good at.”

“I’m not becoming a Clave soldier for anything,” she muttered. “Or an Arapheli Priestess.”

Alec chuckled. “Really? You wouldn’t enjoy living in a sauna?”

“I only like bathhouses occasionally, thank you very much,” she laughed. “And come on, you’d really see me as an Arapheli? Walking around repeating Praise Araphel, the Star that Warms our World ?” She asked.

Alec shrugged. “Maybe you would enjoy the uniforms? I heard the Temple garb shows a lot of skin,” he teased her. “And Araphelim aren’t supposed to stay chaste.”

“Join a religious order just to bang all the priestesses? Not in my ten-year plan, Alec,” she shook her head, a smile playing on her lips.

They settled into a comfortable silence, but Tessa seemed to think it was annoying because she started playing some music in a low volume over the coms, providing a nice background to their way.

They were leaving Sham to get to another system, not far from theirs. Izzy couldn’t see the planets disappearing, since they were behind them, but she would be able to observe them as they went back. She loved the sight of the six planets and the star in the dark emptiness.

Usually, when the ship was taking them away from Maon, she felt her worries being left behind, but not this time. Clary Fray stayed in the forefront of her mind, sitting there asking for attention that Izzy didn’t want to give.

She didn’t know how to deal with this woman. She was glad she hadn’t had to keep sharing a bed and a room with her, because she was attractive, and it seemed that she had no qualms about being mostly naked in front of strangers.

There was also the staggering revelation that she’d been the perpetrator of the bombing of the Clave. What Izzy had started to see in the woman’s eyes as she interacted with her in the last day was the spark of brilliance. She was lethally intelligent. And that was probably how she’d managed to do something like the Circle bombing.

Izzy had seen the news report. The screens that were set up in the streets of Old Town Idris had shown the images over and over again, the fire and smoke coming out of the high window in the Hall of the Circle. They’d shown the families of the Circle Councilmembers, in their white clothing, still perfect and unmoving, even in mourning. Izzy had been supposed to see emotions in their eyes, but she hadn’t seen any.

They’d shown Valentine Morgenstern, and he’d threatened to find and kill the terrorist and everyone that had ever met them.

Izzy shuddered. That now included her.

“So what’s it gonna be today?” She asked, shaking the morbid thoughts out of her mind.

Alec hummed, moving his head to try and relax it. “Well, Level 3-DL. Named Heidi McKenzie. Human, woman, Free.”

Izzy grabbed her tablet and opened the warrant. “Heidi McKenzie.” She was a blonde-haired woman with something wicked in her eyes. Izzy read the information under the picture. “Several accounts of murder, conspiring to commit mass murder over a Clave-colonized planet in the J-W system.”

Alec nodded. “I’m almost surprised it’s Dead or Live, and not a Kill warrant.”

“You wouldn’t have let me come with you if it was a Kill warrant,” Izzy replied, putting down the tablet and reaching for the bottle of water that rested on the middle console.

“I don’t like you killing, Izzy, we’ve talked about this.”

Izzy rolled her eyes. “Yes, we have. And I still have the same thing to say. I’ve killed before, I’ll kill again, and it would be safer for you if I was on your side. Besides, I’m 26, I can take care of myself.”

Alec sighed, closing his eyes for a second. “What’s the point in having the same argument again? In a couple of warrants, we’ll be done with this. We’ll be done with having to kill people.”

Izzy swallowed. “I don’t believe that. The world of the Clave is made in a way that we’ll have to kill again one day. We’ve started, we can’t stop now. When we’ll drop out of the SHA, some might want to target us, as revenge for the warrants we took against them or their families.”

Alec stayed silent for a moment. They both knew she was right, but they were both willing to take the chance. Freedom was worth killing for, they’d decided that years ago, when they’d first been given to the SHA. They’d had a choice, kill or get killed.

They’d chosen to kill.

“It’s over, Izzy. There’s no use to us fighting about this anymore.” Alec whispered. “Soon, we’ll be free.”

Izzy sighed and stood up, walking out of the cockpit and down the stairs to the cargo hold. There, she grabbed a pair of knives and hit play on her training playlist, turning towards the large pair of targets. She grabbed a blindfold and slid it over her eyes. That made the entire exercise more interesting.

-------------------

Magnus stood in the calm of an early morning in the Rec. Alec and Izzy had left at sunrise, Alec leaving a warm empty spot in Magnus’ bed. He’d woken him up for a kiss goodbye and had trusted him to go back to sleep. Magnus hadn’t gone back to sleep. He never did.

He was not a big sleeper. There were too many things happening, too many people to watch out for, and he’d been used to short nights and small naps during the day for a long time now. Many people thought it was because of the bar, and his supposed history with nightlife. Magnus never denied that story.

The place was still empty, so after tidying around the counter and putting everything back in place, he walked downstairs to room number 6, where Clary Fray had taken residence.

The day before, he’d given her some Old Town-appropriate clothing. The dress she’d been wearing had been painfully obviously from New Town. New Towners had a way of dressing, expensive fabrics, simple cuts, thin and made for the comfort of warm houses.

The dress had been dirty, but it had been a Clave official’s dress. Magnus hadn’t asked questions. He never did, but he had the feeling there was so much more to this story than he expected. Clary Fray was unpredictable.

He knocked at the door. The door was unlocked soon after, and she let him in. “Good morning, Mister Bane.” She said with a smile.

“Please call me Magnus. No one calls me Mister Bane,” he replied, one hand up.

Clary Fray nodded, and moved back, holding her arms straight on her sides. There was Clave upbringing was still obvious in the way she looked at him, the stillness in her entire body and the stillness of her face.

“Thank you for helping me,” she said softly. “I know it’s dangerous for you and the people around you.”

Magnus had a small sigh. “I cannot ignore the Clave’s behavior towards the population,” he explained. “I’m perfectly aware of the risks, and I will never ask you to thank me for something I consider entirely normal.”

Clary bit her lip for a moment. “I wouldn’t. If I was in your place, I wouldn’t do it.”

“I don’t believe that. After all, you’re here.”

“I’m here because I’m running away,” Clary replied, crossing her arms and moving from her previously still and emotionless posture. “Not because I want to fight.”

Magnus chuckled. “In that case, you shouldn’t asked me to contact the Rebellion and help smuggle you to them. You should have asked for an escape to another system.” He pointed out, watching her with a smirk. “I get you’re lying to keep yourself safe, but it’s not good to lie to someone who already knows enough.”

“I’m not that used to Old Town. Or to being on the run.”

That was quite obvious. Magnus didn’t remark on that, he just went to sit down on the bed. He crossed his legs. “I contacted them. The smugglers will be here as soon as possible. In the meantime, you will be staying here, you will stay in this room as much as possible, and if you go outside, it will be during the night, and hidden. And never, ever, alone.”

Clary nodded. “I can accept that.”

“You do not have the choice of accepting it or not. That is it,” Magnus said simply. “I do not joke with this kind of situation.”

The young woman nodded again, staying silent this one. She watched him differently now and he could feel it. People did not know who he’d been. Magnus had been so much more than a bar owner. It was a fine profession, but his past was much more complex and much more… bloody.

Magnus smoothed over a wrinkle in the gown he was wearing. It was a knee-length grey and blue gown with a wide piece of blue fabric wrapped around his waist tightly. Underneath, he wore black pants. It was quite comfortable. And hid a knife in the folds of the garment. Magnus had always loved a good knife.

Clary was still stuck in her rigid posture and Magnus had a little bit of a smile. “You can relax, now. You’re not with the Clave anymore.” He patted down the bed next to him.

Clary walked over and sat down. At first, she kept her back completely straight, but she started slumping lightly. She had a small smile. “Thank you,” she said. Her voice was full of unspoken relief.

Magnus gently patted her knee. “You can breathe. You’re going to be okay.”

Clary sighed and nodded. She let herself fall back, laying on the bed with a happy huff. “It’s comfortable, for a cheap bar room rental.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow. “You make it sound as if you’ve been to a lot of cheap bar room rentals.” He teased and she chuckled.

She looked young then, like the kid she probably was. He could not resist the urge to ask that question. “How old are you?”

“I’m 24,” she replied.

So she was just a kid. Magnus was not much older - if he converted his age in human years - but he could feel the child spirit that wanted to desperately get out of the woman’s stoic upbringing.

“I apologize for fucking up something between you and the woman that had the room. I could feel she was mad at you when she left. And when she came back.”

Magnus shot her a look. Clary was looking up at the ceiling. He swallowed and sighed. "You did not fuck anything up," he reassured her. "You were a catalyst, maybe, but I would have told her what I had to tell her one day. Hopefully she will keep the information to herself."

"Are you worried she’ll rat you out?"

Magnus chuckled. "No. Izzy is many things, but she’s not a snitch. I’m afraid she’ll tell her brother. I love him very much, dear. I do not want him to be mad at me."

Clary licked her lips. "I think he’ll be, whether she tells him now or you tell him later."

Magnus laid down by her side, closing his eyes for a second. Yes, Alec would be mad at him, but at least he would hear the truth from Magnus himself, and not from his angry sister. That was an important difference. Izzy had some hyperbolic tendencies when she was emotional.

"Who are they?"

"They are bounty hunters with the Shadow Hunting Agency."

"I’ve heard of the SHA. They have deep ties with the Clave, even up to the Circle," Clary whispered. "Though I don’t know if they have them still, I think the terrorist killed the council member that dealt with the SHA."

Magnus shot her another glance. She said those things with certainty and he didn’t doubt for a second that she was right. "You know a whole deal of things about the Circle, don’t you?"

"My family was employed as assistants to the Councilmembers. I have personally worked with them since my 14th birthday."

"Ten years."

"Yes. Ten years, the day of the explosion. I very much enjoyed that birthday present."

-------------------

Alec and Izzy walked through the streets of the coastal metropolis of the planet of Qora where Heidi McKenzie had last been spotted. Alec’s wrists were encased in the fingerless bow gloves he was wearing, his favorite ranged weapon. When he turned to check on her, Izzy could see the silvery cloud of his visor lens over his left eye.

The streets were not very crowded for the time of day and they were both a bit annoyed about that. It was easier to hide themselves in a crowd. Right now, they really looked like two SHA agents, dressed in leather. Around them, the Qorani people wore cotton fabrics.

“We’re not really blending in,” Izzy muttered, as people around them turned to watch them.

Alec sighed. “Well, as long as we get the target, we’ll be fine.” He shrugged.

Izzy hummed and steadied her grip on the handle of her phaser. She could feel the steady weight of her sword in its sheath on her back. They turned into a smaller street, and there again, the people got rarer. Izzy frowned. It was high season for tourism on Qora, and usually, the commercial streets would be full of Sham visitors or Clave officials enjoying the heat of the sun, and the sweetness of the local cuisine.

Alec had noticed the same thing. “This city was crowded the last time we were here.” He whispered. “Something’s changed.”

“Maybe someone was made aware of McKenzie’s threats over the community,” Izzy pointed out.

“That sure would keep some people from coming around, but not this many.”

He was right. Izzy swallowed. “Let’s just go to her lair.”

They turned again into an even smaller street. The sky was obscured by long pieces of green fabric, stretched in between the building tops. It doused the street in a strange light yellow-green light, and… Stars, it looked like a bad filter on a movie from a small producing agency. Izzy did not want to be in this movie.

“I don’t like this, Alec,” Izzy whispered.

Just as she was saying that, a metal door banged open in front of them. Izzy felt them all immediately. The people that came through the door were not the only ones there, some had snuck up behind them as well. She shot a glance behind her and saw them, three tall people, with short hair and weapons in their hands. She heard Alec grumble a ‘fuck’ under his breath.

Out of the open door came another three people, and behind these three was Heidi McKenzie. Her hair was just as blonde as in the picture, her eyes just as wicked, and she held her hands behind her back.

Alec grabbed his tablet out of his pocket and held it up. “SHA agents. We have a warrant out for Heidi McKenzie. We ask that you come with no fight.”

The woman raised an eyebrow and laughed at them. “That’s so cute. Two Owned SHAs coming to try and capture me.” She looked at them. “Really adorable.”

“We don’t want any trouble, Heidi,” Izzy said calmly. “We just want to serve justice.”

Heidi walked towards them, stepping in front of her goons and looking at Izzy. She looked at her from head to toe. Izzy swallowed. The woman was a bit taller than her. She was always way less muscular. Way less ready to fight.

Heidi smiled at her and spat at her. It hit her jacket and started sliding down the leather. Izzy ground her teeth.

“Listen, Owned girl,” Heidi said. “The SHA doesn’t serve justice. We do. We are Clave citizens. The Qorani do not belong on our planet. You’re going to leave us alone now.”

There were a thousand things in Izzy’s head, on Izzy’s tongue, ready to be thrown back in her face. Qora was still the planet of the Qorani, and it was far from being Heidi’s.

“Please do not push us to use force,” Izzy replied, looking back at the woman. “That would be quite unfortunate for you.”

Heidi shrugged and took a step back. “Don’t worry, you won’t have to. You’ll already be dead.” She snapped her fingers, and in a second, the people that were surrounding Alec and Izzy attacked.

“Fuuuuuuuck,” Izzy groaned as she dodged a fist that was flying towards her face. She dropped to the ground, swatting her leg out to sweep the guy in front of her down. She grabbed her phaser in one fluid motion, the shot barely missing Heidi.

She could register Alec’s motions at the corner of her eyes, a flurry of black leather and shining white earring, white phaser shots and the blood red of the arrows his bow-gloves shot. Her own phaser shot a hole in the second man’s face.

She suddenly felt a flash of pain against her arm and cursed again. Blade, she guessed, wielded by someone that had gotten up. The someone had long hair and an arrow in the leg, but it didn’t seem to deter them.

Devoted to their queen, huh, Izzy thought.

Izzy changed positions, using one hand to gather herself on the ground and sending her foot first in the person’s knee, then right into their face. There was a loud crack but she didn’t give it any more thoughts. She rolled out and got back on her feet.

She made sure this one was dead too, with a phaser shot to the head. She ignored the pain of her arm and gathered herself, finishing another opponent rather quickly, even if he managed to punch her in the face.

Alec was busy with the remaining goons so Izzy moved forward. This time, it was going to be a bit more fun. Heidi was just not someone Izzy enjoyed having on the face of the universe.

Heidi was armed with a blade too, and Izzy almost rolled her eyes at how typical that was. Of course some Clave-obsessed supremacist would be using blades. At least it wasn’t an electrosword.

That thought brought the image of Clary, with her red hair and her hazel eyes and the chilling quality of her smile back, and Izzy missed Heidi’s first move. The blade shot towards her and Izzy felt it slice through her jacket, top and a bit of her skin as she scrambled out of the way.

She would have a nice horizontal scar above her left breast, but she would be fine. However, she was now quite mad. Izzy put her phaser back in its holster and slid the sword out of its sheath, the metal clashing against Heidi’s second try at killing her.

This time, Izzy could fight back. She’d trained herself for hours. She’d made sure she knew how to fight with every weapon she could get her hands on, she’d sliced her hands open on sharp blades when she was 13, mere months after her parents’ death, when she’d realized her survival didn’t hold to much.

Heidi sneered at her and Izzy almost rolled her eyes, pretending to surrender control to her and sliding her sword down. The blade caught right under the blonde woman’s breasts and sliced her there. Heidi howled.

Izzy moved back, avoiding the sword in Heidi’s hand that threatened to hit her as her opponent withdrew on herself from the pain and injury.

Izzy’s chest and arm were burning, there was blood trickling from her split lip, and she was starting to get a little tired. Guess she just needed some more training.

Heidi stumbled forward again but Izzy had the upper hand, and stabbed her sword into her heart this time. She fell to the ground. Izzy pulled her weapon out of the body and wiped it on the dead woman’s clothing.

Alec had been injured as well, and he looked over at her, panting. He always talked about how he didn’t want her to kill. Izzy knew he meant well, but she also knew it was unavoidable.

“So that went smoothly,” Izzy grumbled, unzipping her jacket to look at the wound. Great. Her jacket would need some stitches, and her top would need to be re-vamped to be wearable without straps, but it would be fine.

“We only need her,” he pointed out. She nodded.

The wound on Heidi’s stomach was deeper than expected and it was starting to gush out some things that would be better left inside of the body.

“You know, next time, we’ll just lure them into Tessa. Worst case, we’ll have to clean the cargo hold, but it’s just much better than having to carry that,” Izzy chuckled.

“Do you want to flip a coin on who’s gonna carry it, or are you gonna pull your weight?” Alec teased.

“Fuck off,” she rolled her eyes and closed her jacket again, and went to grab the feet. “Just take your side and let’s go.”

Heidi’s body was much heavier than it had looked when she was still alive, Izzy noted as she and Alec carried it through the streets towards where they had parked Tessa. They should have just taken her head and left the rest behind. The warrant had requested full proof of death though, and with the tourist species on planets like Qora, you never knew whether decapitation was really lethal or not.

Thankfully for them, they weren’t that far from the ship, and were able to put down the body in a freezing bag. Izzy huffed and walked towards the med area, stretching out her back. Heidi had just been too heavy.

She pushed open the door and walked in, opened a cabinet and looked over the boxes for the alcohol, some gauze and bandages. All the boxes were empty, and no matter how many times she looked through them, she could not find.

“Ah fuck this,” she grumbled and walked out of the med bay. “Alec!” she screamed, “we’re out of medical supplies!”

Alec cursed as well, loudly. “It’s fine. We’ll just ask Magnus.”

That’s great, Alec, but we need to go to the Supplier. Izzy didn’t reply, she just sighed and hoped they would get to the Supplier soon. This was all worrying. Alec was acting strangely and she didn’t like it. They could take more warrants if they had to, but they also needed to fill their ship with…. Everything.

Izzy closed her eyes for a second and shook her head. They had a whole flying back to do and then delivering the body to the SHA.

She took another shower, and took care of her wounds however she could, and it wasn’t long until they were standing outside of the prison part of the SHA base, a space station just off of Maon. They quickly delivered body and warrant, checked their bank accounts to see that the money had been added and left.

Then, it was only a few minutes until they were walking into the Rec.

It was, as usual for this hour, packed full of various people. The music was playing, loud as ever, the dancers were dancing, and Izzy was starting to feel a headache. She loved the Rec, it was basically one of the few places she felt comfortable in in the galaxy, but right now it was too much.

Magnus looked up as they approached the bar, and sighed softly. “Bad day?”

“Combative warrant,” Alec replied. “Would you please have something for us?”

Magnus hummed, caressing his fingers against one another as he thought. “I probably have some scarring helper bandages upstairs. Catarina always leaves some in the room. I’ll be right back.” He walked away, not without gently tapping Alec’s hand.

Izzy sat down heavily on one of the tools. She needed scarring helpers now. Those were basically miracle workers, and she had two big gashes that she needed closed as soon as possible.

Alec sat down next to her and they asked for some whiskey. The bartender served the both of them, and soon after Magnus was back. He led them upstairs, to a big room with obvious medical use. Izzy took a sip of the drink she still had in hand and started looking through what Magnus had pulled out of various furniture.

She immediately grabbed the bandages she needed. Unfortunately, there was no rubbing alcohol to go with it. “It’s fine,” she mumbled, “I’ll just get it from the bar.”

She walked down the stairs and into the Rec, paid for a full bottle of the strongest they had, and went back upstairs. She hesitated, in front of the door. There was this knowledge that if Alec and Magnus were left alone in a room, you should not even think of going back in, because then you would walk in on something much too intimate.

So she took a deep breath, pushed open the door, and made a beeline for the bandages. She shot them a glance. Neither of them was naked, yet, but the way Alec was holding Magnus was definitely sign that that was not gonna last.

“Please take care of your wounds before you do anything,” she pointed out.

Magnus smiled. “Don’t worry, Izzy. I’ll make sure he’s all bandaged up.”

Izzy rolled her eyes and walked out of the room, and back to the main bar. She sat down at an empty table in the corner and slid off her jacket and rolled down her shirt. Some people looked at her but she didn’t care.

Back in the room she’d just left, Alec looked up at his boyfriend, smiling softly. Magnus watched him tenderly. “You need to get to the Supplier, love.”

Alec sighed, hands caressing Magnus’ clothed sides. “I don’t want to. I just want to do the next few warrants and go to the Clave for our freedom,” he whispered. “We’re so close.”

Magnus nodded. He understood perfectly what Alec meant but… “You won’t be able to be Freed if you die beforehand because of a lack of supplies.” He grabbed the various things and started helping Alec get clean and bandaged up.

As he’d told Izzy, he made sure that Alec was all fixed up before he put away the supplies and walked back to his boyfriend. Alec did look good when he was all scratched up. Hint of blood still on his face, disheveled and looking every ounce the rugged bounty hunter he was.

“I know that look,” Alec whispered, licking his lips.

“Well you’re all bandaged up, and looking absolutely gorgeous,” Magnus shrugged, going to lock the door.

Alec stood up and let his eyes roam over him. “And you do love when I get dirty like this, don’t you?” He asked, taking a few steps towards him.

Magnus tilted his chin up, raising an eyebrow. “I do.”

Alec pulled him towards him, pulled him up in his arms, and quickly carried him over to the small bed in the middle of the room. Magnus opened his legs, letting Alec settle in between them.

“I love when you’re wearing something like this,” Alec pointed out. “So easy to access,” he smiled, sliding his hands under the hem of Magnus’ gown and starting to slowly slide up.

Magnus was a bit ticklish, and it wasn’t long until he started giggling. Alec’s smile was wide and luminous, as he looked at him like he was the most beautiful person on Maon, before leaning in to kiss him deeply.

Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck, keeping him close as he kissed him back. Alec’s hands travelled upwards again, sending goosebumps and light giggles up his skin.

Alec kissed him back for a moment before he let go of his lips and started kissing down his neck to the crook of Magnus’ throat, kissing and licking and sucking marks there until Magnus was making soft moans against him, and the giggling was forgotten as Alec’s hands reached his hips.

“You’re not wearing underwear,” Alec whispered against Magnus’ ear, the low grumble sending shivers down Magnus’ spine.

“Discarded them when I heard you were coming home,” Magnus shrugged. “Thought it’d be much easier for both of us that way.”

Alec bit his lip and grabbed his hips a little harder, moving to pull Magnus closer to the edge and to move in closer too. Magnus’ hands left his hair and travelled down to undo his belt and take down his pants. He felt Alec’s erection and smirked.

“Told you it would be easier,” he whispered.

“I don’t need you going commando to get hard, baby,” Alec replied. “Don’t you dare imply that,” he teased.

Magnus batted his eyelashes, looking up at him. “I guess you’re gonna have to show me how you don’t need anything to get you going.” He shrugged.

Alec’s smirk was wide and wicked when he dived in to kiss Magnus again, stealing his breath away and moving a hand to start preparing him for what was to come.

Back in the Rec, Izzy was now alternating drinking alcohol and dousing her wounds and scratches in it. She knew perfectly well that Alec wouldn’t come out of the upstairs room before the morning. Whatever they were doing now, they would probably follow it up with going to bed.

Izzy smiled. Magnus and Alec almost succeeded in fooling everyone into thinking that they were just together for the sex. Almost. She knew better. She knew the way they looked at each other. It was almost sickening how in love they were.

Well, she thought, seeing as a tall Seelie woman was looking at her bare cleavage with sure hunger, she guessed she could definitely follow her brother’s example and get some tonight. She took another gulp of alcohol, and walked towards the Seelie’s chair.

[igottoomuchwriting]

For Forever Chapter 2

Series: First Part/Previous Chapter/Next Part

Connor Murphy: i stg if this mom doesnt chill tf out i will find where she lives and fight her

It has been a month since Connor and Evan started talking. At first, it was awkward, but slowly they broke the barrier through text messages and small conversations during English. Slowly they were learning more and more about each other.

Connor loved to read. Any book that they read as a class, Connor loved, even if it was an older one that everyone else thought was boring. One day in English, Connor had overheard a kid talking about how much they hated Pride and Prejudice and Connor started whispering to Evan about how the kid didn’t no good literature, how Lizzy was a feminist icon of the time, Darcy was the best boy and the romance was correctly written and “he was just pissy because he is a fucking white boy that doesn’t understand the hardships that women of those days have had to go through!”

He also loved TLC shows, especially Say Yes To The Dress. That was a shock to Evan, but Connor was talking about different dress one day and Evan was curious on how he knew. Connor was nervous to share, but he knew that he could trust Evan.

That’s what he was texting Evan about now. Hulu had put out new episodes and Connor was watching them while live texting Evan about everything that is going on.

Connor Murphy: SHES CRYING NOW AND THE MOM STILL WONT BUDGE

Connor Murphy: thats it

Connor Murphy: im flying to georiga. Ill see you later evan

Evan Hansen: I know you have that ability so please dont

Connor Murphy: like my parents would let me

Evan Hansen: Find something nice in Georgia that your mom would love to see. I’m sure that will get her going

Connor Murphy: well which is it hansen

Connor Murphy: should i go punch this lady in the face or no

Evan Hansen: Definite no

Evan never really was interested in those shows, but he did watch one episode to see what he loved so much about it. It was a good show, and he really did love Randy and most of the brides that came through the shop. His mom had walked in when he had it on the TV, which sparked a conversation of how they were and who Evan liked.

“You know this is a safe place, honey!” Heidi had cooed.

“I know,” Evan mumbled, looking down at the ground awkwardly.

Since then, he’s been trying to pointedly show that he likes girls, and only girls.

Connor Murphy: oh good the bride won

Evan Hansen: With Randy on her side, how could she not

Connor Murphy: true

Connor Murphy: shit

Connor Murphy: my mom is home

Connor Murphy: i have to go to my bed and pretend to get some sleep

Connor Murphy: night

Evan Hansen: Goodnight

Evan decided that he should probably go to bed too. He had a test tomorrow, and he needed to sleep so he wouldn’t freak out as much when the time came.

He quickly turned off the TV and headed back up to his room.

---

Evan did not get any sleep. Right as he was about to fall asleep, his mom came home. Since he was still delirious, he thought it was a burglar. Suddenly he was awake and on alert, ready to do what he needed to.

Without getting out of bed and drawing attention to himself, of course.

He stumbled off of the bus, shoulders slouched over and tired look in his eyes. His classmates shoved past him in a hurry to get to the cafeteria for breakfast, but Evan just slowly made his way to his locker.

“Acorn!” he heard Jared call. Evan turned around to see Jared walking towards him, same amount of confidence in his walk as he always had. His backpack was slung over his shoulder, so Evan assumed that his first period teacher is either late or has a sub who is late.

“Please don’t call me that,” Evan mumbled.

“Aw, come on! It’s a term of endearment. All fun and games, ya know?” He threw his arm over Evan’s shoulder and they continued the walk to their locker. “It’s a playful jab at a silly mistake you made.”

Evan’s hand shot to his cast, holding onto it gently.

Yeah. A silly mistake.

“I’m gonna come over today after school. My mom’s been wondering why we haven’t been hanging out lately.”

“Oh. Uh, okay.”

“You still got Mario Kart, right?” Evan nodded his head. It was the last gift his dad had gotten him before he left, and even though Evan is not fond of his dad, he still tries to hang on to when life was good.

“Cool! Then we can play that today!” Evan just nodded his head again and opened up his locker. Jared continued to talk about a girl--or the same girl that he met over the summer, he doesn’t know anymore--and Evan turned his head to the side to see Connor at his locker. He was slouched over and seemed to be angrily putting stuff into his backpack.

“Sorry, uh,” Evan spoke, interrupting Jared’s sentence, “I’m gonna go talk to Connor.”

“Really?” Jared turned to look at Connor as threw a book into his locker. He flinched. “I don’t think you wanna talk to that dude right now. He seems like he is in a bad mood.”

“That’s why I wanna, um, talk to him.” He started playing with the bottom of his t-shirt. “I want to see if he’s okay.”

“Your funeral, man,” he said with a shrug. He gave Evan one last violent pat on his shoulder before walking away.

Evan closed his locker and took a deep breath. Connor hasn’t been in a super bad mood since they started talking, so Evan was worried if Connor would even want to talk to him or not.

“Hey Connor,” he mumbled. Connor whipped his head around and shot a glare at Evan.

“What?” he snapped. Evan took a step back and looked down at the ground.

“Well you seem like you’re in a bad mood so I wanted to come over and see if you’re okay but you barely know me so I don’t know why you would even want to talk to me about it. I’m sorry I should’ve have even come over, I’ll leave, I’m sorry,” Evan stuttered out. All his words started blending together and he was stumbling over his words.

Connor sighed and hit his head against the top of the locker.

“No, I didn’t mean to snap at you. You did nothing wrong.” Evan glanced up at him before looking back down.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me,” he mumbled. Connor was silent for a moment. Evan was just about to turn around and leave him alone when he started talking.

“My parents took my fucking phone last night because they didn’t believe that I was texting someone other than a fucking drug dealer. I told them that no goddamn drug dealer would be answering fucking calls at that hour because they were trying to act like normal fucking people but they took my phone anyway!” He slammed his locker closed and Evan jumped. “They don’t believe a fucking thing I say and it pisses me off because I was actually telling the truth this time!”

Evan looked around the hallway and saw people giving Connor both confused and dirty looks. He didn't know what to do. Jared never came to him for emotional things, and since Jared has been his only friend growing up, he never had anyone else come to him for anything. The closest that he has come to comforting someone was when he walked in on his mom having a breakdown, but even then she turned it around and made sure that he was okay.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “That’s--That, um, sucks.”

“Understatement of the fucking century,” Connor grumbled.

The first bell rang, signaling that students have five minutes to get to class. Connor turned towards the doors at the end of the hallway.

“Wait, where are you going?” Evan anxiously called.

“Anywhere but fucking here.” With that, he was gone.

Evan watched Connor’s dark figure disappear around the corner outside, wondering if he should tell someone. What was Connor going to do? Would he hurt someone?

Would he hurt himself?

“Get to class, Mr. Hansen!” Evan heard a teacher call. Evan looked behind him to see Ms. Asher--the English teacher that no one liked--raising an eyebrow at him. Saying nothing, Evan moved on to his first class.

---

Evan hasn’t seen Connor all day. It was lunch time now and the boy still wasn’t here. Since they started talking more, he and Connor started sitting together at lunch. Connor never ate anything, and Evan did try, but sometimes his anxiety became too much and he just couldn’t stomach what the school was giving him. During those days, Connor tried his best to calm Evan down enough to where he would get Evan to each at least some bland tater tots.

That wasn’t the case today. He sat alone in the corner of the cafeteria, untouched food in front of him.

It’s not like he wasn’t used to this. Jared would never sit by him, always opting to work on programming by himself and not be seen with Evan, and since he had no other friends, he was pushed to the corner of the room.

Evan was deep in thought when he heard a voice.

“Evan Hansen?” Evan snapped his head up, only to freeze when he saw Zoe Murphy standing there, kind smile on her face.

“Oh, uh, yeah. That’s me,” he stuttered out. How long has she been standing there? Was she just waiting for Evan to notice her?

“Sorry to bother you, but can I ask you a question?” Oh okay, straight to the point. Evan wiped his palms on his jeans.

“Yeah! Yeah, of course.”

“Are you and my brother friends?” That’s not what he was expecting.

Are they friends? He doesn’t know if Connor considers Evan a friend, but does Evan?

“Uh, yeah,” he drew out. “Yeah, I guess.”

Zoe raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. She looked around the lunch room before sitting down across from Evan.

Oh God.

“Do you guys text?”

“Yeah, why?” Did something happen? Why would she need to know if they texted?

“Were you guys texting last night?”

“Yes?” Evan was about to have an anxiety attack. Did Connor tell her? Did Connor spill everything that Evan told him? Is Zoe making sure that this is the Evan Hansen that he is talking to so that she can go around and tell everyone?

“Okay,” she mumbled. She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “I’m sorry for asking these questions, but Connor got his phone taken away yesterday and my parents wanted to see if who he was texting went to our school.”

“Oh.” Great, so Connor’s parents read their text messages? There was private stuff in there. He hasn’t even met these people and they already know his fears? Did Connor delete the texts he sent when he was having a mental breakdown?

“I haven’t seen the messages!” she quickly added. “My parents only asked if I knew the name ‘Evan Hansen’ and so I wanted to make sure it was you.”

“Okay,” he mumbled. They sat in a silence for a moment, neither knowing what to say.

Zoe broke the silence.

“When did you two start talking?” The questions continue.

“About a month ago?”

“Why?” Well that’s not going to be shared. How would Evan even say that? Yeah, you’re brother stole something of mine and flipped out on me but I was able to calm him down and get it back and now we are basically becoming best buds!

No.

“He, uh, wanted to apologize for getting mad at me in the hallway on the first day of school.” That was kind of the truth.

“And you guys kept talking because…?”

“He was nice.” Zoe immediately rolled her eyes. Oh no. Did he say something wrong?

“He’s not nice, Evan.”

“Wh-What?”

“He’s a druggie who will turn on you when you make one little mistake.” Evan stared at Zoe in disbelief. Here is Connor’s sister, who is known for being happy and helping others, staring at Evan with an angry look in her eye. She’s spending her time, giving Evan a warning.

“He--I don’t think--would he really?”

“He’s done it to me countless times.” Before Evan could say anything else, she stood up. “I’m not telling you what you should do. I’m just warning you that my brother is a loose canon.” With that, she left.

Evan stared at the spot she had just occupied. Zoe has obviously been with Connor her whole life and she knows more than Evan. If she is giving him a warning, he should listen.

Shouldn’t he?

---

When it was sixth period, Evan didn’t know what to do. Surprisingly, he didn’t have any homework to do for that day. He didn’t want to write a letter to his therapist either, as the only thing that happened today was talking to Zoe.

He decided to walk home. It was the last period of the day, and no one was going to be waiting for him. He also wanted to make sure his house was clean before Jared came over.

Evan didn’t get far off of campus before a truck pulled up next to him. With his headphones in, he didn’t hear the driver call out to him. He did hear the car horn, however.

He whipped his head to see Connor sitting in the truck, looking at him threw the passenger window. He quickly pulled out his headphones.

“Connor?” he asked.

“Get in, Hansen.” Evan didn’t question, he just walked across the grass dividing the street and the sidewalk and into Connor’s car.

Connor pulled out into the road before Evan could buckle his seatbelt fully.

It was silent between the two. Evan wanted to know where Connor went in the beginning of the day, if he was doing better, if he was okay in general.

“I didn’t mean to flip out on you earlier,” Connor stated.

“I know,” Evan mumbled. It was silent again. You would think after talking for a month, they would be a little better at talking to each other.

Evan watched all the trees go by. The radio was playing in the background, and the sky was blue with only a few clouds. Always a little strange for October weather.

“Have you ever been to the orchard?” Connor asked. Evan shot him a confused look.

“What orchard?”

“So I’ll take that as a no.”

“Where is it?” Evan asked.

“Well, it’s closed now, but it was almost like a forest reserve for people to go to. You could have picnics, there was a creek, all that fun stuff.” Evan hummed.

The rest of the car ride was filled with small talk. At some point, they had gotten onto the topic of bands they liked, and it blew up from there.

“You’ve never heard of Hollywood Undead?” Connor laughed. “How the fuck have you not?”

“They’re not a very popular band, obviously,” Evan shot back. Connor turned to him with a look as if he had personally attacked Connor’s work himself.

“They are popular!”

“Sure, Connor.”

“You shut the fuck up, Mr. ‘Taylor Swift is a better country singer than pop’.”

“Well, she is--”

“You have no taste.”

It wasn’t long before they reached where Connor was taking them. Evan looked around as Connor turned off the car and saw trees everywhere, as well as a gate with a sign that said “NO TRESPASSING”.

“Uh, what are we, uh, doing here?” Evan asked.

“We’re gonna walk around.”

“W-Wait, what?”

“Come on, Hansen,” Connor called, ignoring the panic rising in the boy. He hopped out of the car and Evan quickly followed, leaving his backpack in the car.

“We can’t go in!” he called out. Connor rolled his eyes.

“Trust me, it’s fine.”

“What if someone finds us? What if they see your car and come searching and then we get in trouble? What if we get arrested? I can’t have my mom bail me out of jail, and your parents won’t--”

“Evan!” Connor yelled. Evan immediately stopped talking. “It’s fine. I come here all the time. I was just here earlier, and no one found me. No one even thinks about this place anymore.”

Evan nodded his head in understanding and looked down at the ground. He heard Connor take a deep breath.

“Just… Come on. You can trust me.”

Evan followed Connor to the fence. Right under the trespassing sign was a cut part of the fence that looked like it was able to be pushed back. Connor pushed the fence piece back and held it open, motioning for Evan to make his way through.

Evan made it on the other side, careful with his cast, and Connor followed suit. Evan looked around in amazement. How come this place was abandoned?

“This place got closed down after they opened up the park as a national park,” Connor answered his unasked question. “Apparently people feel like going to a national park would be more fun than an orchard, even though it’s the same fucking thing.”

Connor stared walking into the trees and Evan was quick to follow.

It was gorgeous. It was a surprise that he has never seen this place. His mom and dad would always love to take them out and show him the nature, the flowers, the birds. It was a big part of his life, and a big reason why he loved trees. Participating in the Junior Ranger program was a way for him to try and go back to those times.

Happier times.

“So homecoming’s coming up,” Connor stated. “You going?”

“Well, uh, probably not?” Those kind of things were never Evan’s thing.

“Even if a cute girl asked you out?” Connor laughed as Evan blushed. The only girl Evan would even want to ask him out is Zoe, but after their conversation, he has been questioning his relationship with her.

“If someone asked me out, that’d be a shock in itself.”

Connor laughed. “Fair enough.”

“What about you?” Evan asked. “You going?”

“No. No way.”

“Not even if a girl asks you?”

“There’s no girl that could make me go to any dance.” Evan hummed.

“What if your crush asked you? There is a girl you like, right?” Connor gave him a side look and coughed.

“Yeah. A girl…” He didn’t say anything after, and Evan didn’t want to push it, so they fell back into silence.

“We’re here.” Evan gave him a confused look.

“Wait, where?”

“Look.” Evan looked anxiously at the space past the trees Connor motioned to before walking forward.

Past the trees was a big open grass field, surrounded by trees. The wind was blowing the long grass gently and the sun was peeking out from behind the threes, just getting ready to set for the night.

Evan was in shock. This place was gorgeous.

“I assume you like it?” he heard Connor call.

Evan shook his head. “Connor, this--this is amazing! How did you find it?”

“I was just walking around one day and stumbled upon it.”

Evan stared at the whole place. Connor watched him with a smile.

“You said you like to climb trees, right?” Connor asked. Evan stiffened up.

“Um, yeah,” he stuttered out.

“Come on. There’s a tree with really low branches.” Connor started walking away towards a tree that Evan saw stuck out from the rest. It was slightly out of the circle of trees, and Evan understood why Connor chose that one. The branches are definitely lower than the others, and easier for the boys to reach.

“I--I don’t think I can climb right now,” Evan called towards him. Connor turned and gave him a confused look.

“Why not?” Evan just held up his cast. Connor looked at for a second before realization hit. “Fuck, that’s right. I’m a fucking moron.”

“Sorry,” Evan shrugged.

“Why are you sorry?”

“You wanted to climb the tree, and I can’t.” Connor sighed and shook his head.

“That’s not your fault, man.” Evan nodded his head and decided not to say anything else.

His phones started buzzing in his pocket. He quickly pulled it out to see who is was.

It was Jared.

“Shit,” he mumbled under his breath. Connor was next to him now, looking down at his phone.

“Kleinman? What does that fucker want?” Evan opted to not comment on Connor’s obvious hatred of Jared.

“I forgot I was supposed to hang out with him today.” He hit answer and turned away.

“Evan! Where are you?”

“I’m sorry, I was walking home but Connor wanted to hang out--”

“Connor? Connor Murphy? You’re with him right now?”

“Yes, I’m sorry, I am headed back right now--”

“Did he kidnap you or something, dude? You guys never hang out outside of school. I never even thought the guy was stable enough to do something.”

Evan anxiously shot a look at Connor, but he was picking at his nail polish, so Evan was sure he didn’t hear Jared.

“He can. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I’m heading back now. Just go inside, I’ll be home soon, ignore the mess.”

“Whatever you say dude. Bye.”

With that, Jared hung up. Evan turned back to Connor, fiddling with his phone.

“I’m sorry Connor, can we--”

“Yeah, we can go back.” Connor clipped. Evan flinched. He looked down at the ground anxiously.

“Sorry, this was fun, but--”

“I know,” Connor forced a smile across his face. “You and Jared had plans. Nothing wrong with that.”

Connor started walking away, and Evan couldn’t help but get the feeling that Connor was truly upset.

He quickly followed Connor back to his car and tired to calm down his anxiety.

“Thank you for taking me here,” Evan said when they got back into Connor’s truck.

“Yeah. We can come back.” Evan looked down to hide a smile.

Connor actually wanted to hang out with him again. Hang out, in public, for no reason other than to hang out with Evan.

Is this was real friendship is like?

[tessatechaitea]

Teen Titans Spotlight #8: Hawk

Whenever I wield a flamethrower, I like to do a bit of grappling with my enemy first.

And right out of the gate! First fucking panel! Christ, Hank Hall!

This comic book is from 1987 so even though I had a gut feeling that "zipperheads" was super racist, I still had to look it up to make sure. So now my Google search history contains a search for "zipperhead"! Man, I hope I don't get gunned down in a mass shooting over the next few days! Not like anybody will be able to log onto my laptop by guessing my new super racist password!

Visually, I don't like what this panel is implying!

How long did Hank Hall carry that stupid hang glider kit around with him before some editor huffed, "Just give him fucking flight powers already!"? I love when a comic book introduces a sexy woman and then has the main character instantly refer to her as a "kid." Way to make me feel like a pedo, comic books! I mean, I expect to feel like a pedo when reading Deathstork. But not Teen Titans Spotlight On Colon! Two soldiers begin following Hank and the Sexy Kid but Hank knows how to deal with them! First he calls them dinks which is weird because how does he know they're a committed couple with no children? And you'll never guess what he does second! Oh, you guessed. Yeah, he punches them in the face.

Ha! I bet Hank is feeling pretty dumb about his dink comment now!

The sexy kid's name is Lupe. She works for the Queen of the Hive whom Hank has traveled to South America to see. She was a huge fan of Hawk's sneaking panel last issue so she wanted a memorable walking away panel of her own.

You would think she's running away because of the violent man comment but really she's just headed to the Jeep. I have no idea why a couple Slendermen make an appearance.

I only included the second panel in the above image to show I wasn't lying like I totally hardly ever do. She really was just heading back to the car. Hank and Lupe drive into the jungle to meet with Arachnid, the creature composed of billions of other insects. He's waiting to give them a ride on a gigantic tick that's also probably composed of other insects. If these insects have such great powers of transformation, why can't they take the form of a limousine or a helicopter or Heidi Klum? I'm not too impressed. Arachnid and the giant tick take Hawk and Lupe deep into some jungle ruins to relax before meeting the Queen of the Hive. Relaxing means eating dinner topless and now I regret never having relaxed with anybody in high school. Although after eating, Hank is swarmed with bugs so thankfully that regret only lasted a few seconds. I knew it was a trap, Gabrielle Ruggero! Although now that I'm remembering Gabrielle, how likely would it have been to die from bug bites?! The regret is back! Lupe drugs Hank so that when she reveals the big surprise (that she's the queen! Surprise!), he'll be too fucked up to remember that she's a kid when he puts his face in her pleasure region. Hank's main concern isn't that Lupe might be a little young but that he might be sticking his dick in a vagina made from cockroaches. "No homo, dude!" is probably what Hank would say when he learned his cock touched a cockroach.

"She told me she was as ancient as the first life that crawled on Earth" is no excuse for statutory rape. Better play it safe and go jerk off in a bush, Hank!

Queen Lupe tells Hank her life's story which doesn't include any proof that she's older than sixteen. I thought she would be all, "I was born within the buzzing chaos of a hornet's nest!" But instead, she's all, "My whole village was slaughtered and I followed a butterfly to safety where it taught me how to spell and rub my genitals on the soft moss of the river rocks while thinking of someone like you."

Don't worry. She's probably nine hundred and sixty-two here.

The Queen of the Hive didn't just bring Hank Hall all this way to fuck him. She also needs his help defeating a white colonialist named Toxicator. I'm not sure what his power or his plans are but who cares? You don't call yourself Toxicator because you're looking to make the world a better place. Hank asks Lupe her age one more time and she's all, "Older than you!" So that cinches it and they fuck all night. In the morning, Lupe is all, "Um, I don't mean to be rude but could you get the fuck out of my bed and go defeat the Toxicator already?!" I bet while she was fucking Hank, she was dreaming of a mossy rock by a waterfall. Seriously, Hank doesn't seem the type of guy to care about a woman's needs. Hank wastes valuable time putting his PVC hang glider together before finally heading off to stop the men ruining the environment. It's not the kind of thing he usually cares about but he got some action out of it and now feels slightly obligated to give a shit. What a hero. On his way to talk to the lead man behind the deforestation, the rest of the man's crew begins shooting at him. It's a good thing because now he knows he can be as rough as he wants! It would have looked bad if Hank just showed up and started punching a guy in the face without getting his side of things. Maybe the Queen of the Hive just doesn't want the white man discovering her nuclear testing facility!

Apparently nobody on the board of the Comics Code Authority could speak Mexican Spanish.

Just like any good Californian, I've always known the phrase "Chinga tu madre" to mean fuck your mother. I've also never put any thought to the phrase than that. Apparently, it's got a lot more subtlety and nuance that I've been ignorant about. And used in this context, where a guy just yells "Chinga!", I can see why maybe it wouldn't offend (especially to some East Coast editor who didn't grow up with the phrase "chinga tu madre" and was just working from an English-to-Spanish dictionary). Or maybe they just didn't care? I certainly don't! Or maybe the person who reviewed this issue let it go because they were working on The Flash and the memo in the background reads, "Buy The Flash by us guys!" The Toxicator interrupts Hawk's interrogation of this guy who is probably just a secretary. He looks exactly like the rejected G.I. Joe action figure you'd expect him to look like. He and Hawk talk mercenary trade secrets for a bit until The Toxicator is reminded that he's getting paid a lot of money to protect this deforestation company. At that moment, he shoots Hank in the face with his super-soaker full of what I'm assuming are toxic chemicals. One of the guard's speeches is translated with a note that it's translated from the Portuguese which is when I realize this is taking place in Brazil. Whoops! That also explains the "chinga" thing although in Portuguese, "chingar" means "to scold." So I don't know if it totally explains it! Sometimes when a guy crashes through my front window causing me to shit my pants, I yell, "Scold!" I should have know they were in Brazil since the first panel says Hank is landing at an airfield in "Matto Grosso." But since it's spelled incorrectly, I can pretend that I thought it was just a made up place! Hank's lungs are now full of something called u-cyclotron so he has to escape on the giant tick. To revive, he has to suckle at Lupe's breast. Man, I really wasn't paying enough attention to this comic book in 1987! I could have told Gabrielle that my lungs were full of u-cyclotron and there was only one remedy!

"So, uh ... cough cough ... Gabrielle. Um, I've got a weird ... cough cough ... request?" "Who the fuck are you, nerd?"

Oh yeah. That's totally how that would have went down. My regrets are many but not hitting on Gabrielle Ruggero definitely isn't one of them. You gotta remember your limits! Hank comes up with a new plan after tripping balls off of Lupe's breast milk. He tells her to gather all the bees together and make sure they drink deeply of her titty juice. Then he has them sting all of the invaders so that they're out of their minds from the hallucinations. At that point, it's just a simple matter of telling them he's God and that they really need to change their ways. Being backwards Brazilian Catholics full of Portuguese and Native superstitions as opposed to logical white oppressors, they're all, "Chinga me! Chinga me, God! Tell me what I've done wrong my entire life and fix it!" Boom! Problem solved and Hank Hall got laid to boot! Teen Titans Spotlight #8: Hawk Rating: B+. It's a good thing the writer clarified that Lupe was older than sixteen. I mean, she didn't offer any valid proof or anything. She just said she was! But it's not like a sixteen year old would lie about her age just because she was thirsty for some big super hero dick, right?! Also, she's completely fictional so who fucking cares?! Anyway, it was a decent story that ended rather abruptly and super weirdly (even if I lied about the breast milk which was really just rare pollen used to make healing mead). How can you go wrong with a comic book that shows an ass, uses the slur "zipperhead," and swears in another language?! I bet Comicsgaters hold this comic book up as a triumph of what the medium can produce!

[la-appel-du-vide]

06•14•19

After the cookie class, Kena and I went to grab some food. She took me to HuHot, which is one of her favorite Mongolian places. We started eating, and the food was actually really good! And that's when I got the scariest phone call of my life.

Whitnie was calling, and when I answered, I first thought that she was laughing. Everything that she was saying was incoherent, and I told her she needed to speak more clearly. That's when I realized she was not laughing, but actually crying. Basically all that I could make out from the conversation with her is, "Dad's hurt. Mom's crying. You need to come home."

From there, it's a bit of a blur. I remember trying to ask her what happened to Dad, but she had no information for me other than it was serious and my mom needed me home. We rushed out the restaurant and Kena drove me to my house to meet the family. I knew that Dad had been up at a Fathers and Sons camp-out for the stake, so my mind was racing wondering what could have happened. 

When I got home, there were a few visitors and mom was still on the phone. I started to learn a couple more details, like they were working to get a pulse and he wasn't breathing. Someone up at the campground with him told us they were life-flighting him to the hospital, and we should meet them there. It was a rush to collect our things and our emotions, and drive up to Ogden Regional Medical Center. We were met there by Heidi and Sean Brophy, President and Sister Jacobson, Isaac and one of Dad's coworkers Jay. It was a confusing time as we were hearing different pieces of the story, and waiting for Dad to get there. Mom had to go fill out some medical paperwork, and the rest of us sat in the waiting room. Once Dad arrived, they let my mom and siblings go see him. He was awake, but completely out of it. All he kept saying was, "Help me." It is so hard to see such a tough guy in that kind of state. Really shook me up. They'd cut all of his clothes off of him, and he was connected to all kinds of machines and wires. I'm not really sure he knew we were there, and he definitely didn't know what was going on. We stayed back there a few minutes, then went back to the waiting room while the staff worked to stabilize him. 

That's when President Hjorten showed up, and told us the story (I'm also adding some details we learned later from the two men that saved Dad's life.):

They had just finished a devotional, and Dad had helped pass around doughnuts as refreshments. Then he went and picked up his camp chair, and sat near a large fire-pit, with only a small fire going. Brother Brown, and his son Alex, and Brother Zimmerman, and his son Christian, had just come over to stand around the fire when they noticed my Dad's head suddenly drop, his phone fall out of his hand, and his body begin to slump. They tried to ask him if he was ok, but they got no response.  Brother Zimmerman pushed his body back up in the chair, and realized there was no pulse and that he wasn't breathing. He yelled at him and tried to get a response, but there was nothing. Luckily, Brother Brown happens to be a doctor. He instructed Zimmerman to get Dad on the ground and start CPR while he called the paramedics. They did CPR for nearly 30 minutes waiting for the ambulance to arrive, and the decision was made at some point during that time to send a life-flight helicopter in as it would be a faster route from the campground to the hospital. President Hjorten said that after 15 minutes of CPR, he was pretty sure they'd lost him. His eyes had rolled back into his head, his body was cold, and it was starting to turn blue. The doctor had the inspired idea to ask for an epipen. They could use the burst of adrenaline to help kick-start the heart. A nearby man happened to have one on him, so they quickly shot it into Dad's stomach. They said when they did this, Dad became semi-conscious for a minute and looked around and took a couple of breaths, but then went back into unconsciousness. They yelled out for another epipen, and after a couple of minutes, a kid came running with two. They used one more just a couple minutes later, and got the same kind of response. Finally, the ambulance arrived, and they were able to shock his heart back to life. He woke up and became kind of angry, they said, fighting the paramedics trying to strap him to the board so he could be placed in the helicopter. They had six or seven guys holding me down, because he is STRONG. Then they flew him to Ogden Regional, where we met him. 

They got him stabilized, and then moved him to the ICU. He was in and out of it, but the doctors were amazed at his condition, for 30 minutes of CPR and lack of oxygen. He never had to be intubated, and he was pretty alert. Confused, for sure, but alert. They put him through many tests to find out what happened, but learned that there really was no explanation for it. His CT scan and EKG came back normal, he was free of blood clots and blocked arteries, and he didn't have a heart attack. The random event is kind of scary, so they decided to keep him in the ICU where they could keep a close watch on him until they could implant a defibrillator, which basically monitors his heart rate 24/7, and shock it back into normal rhythm when needed to try and prevent a life-threatening situation from happening again. 

We were all at the hospital pretty late that night, but Aubrey, Isaac and I left for home about 3 AM to grab some stuff for Mom and Dad, who would be at the hospital for awhile. And Whit couldn't get herself to leave. We slept for a couple hours, and then headed back over there with all the needed stuff. 

Dad seemed to be more conscious on Saturday, but clearly had short-term memory problems. He asked the same questions over and over and over again: How did I get here? Where is my truck? I was supposed to cook breakfast at the camp-out this morning... Did anyone track down any stoves? Isaac and I had an appointment at the car dealership today - He should probably call and cancel. So we went over and over those details, but within 10 or 15 minutes, he'd ask them again. One funny side-note: Each time we told him that he had to be life-flighted to the hospital, he'd get a look of pure shock on his face, and go: "What!! That's going to cost like _______." And each time, his estimated cost went higher and higher. He started with $5,000. Then $10,000. Then $15,000. Then $30,000. Then $50,000. And by the end of the day, we got: "That's going to cost like, $100,000!" Hahaha every single time he began his response, we'd all look at each other in anticipation of what amount he was going to say, and try so hard not to laugh. 

He remembered very little from Saturday. He had all kinds of visitors, but by Sunday, he'd forgotten seeing anyone at all.

Saturday night, we all left (except mom who stayed with Dad the whole time) around midnight and went to get some Father's Day stuff ready for Dad. (Sad, right? Father's Day in the ICU?) It took us way longer than it should have, but it was fun to take Dad a candy poster and some presents to try and brighten his morning and celebrate him a little extra for sure. He seemed to like it, but apparently forgot all about it, because he never remembered opening his presents when he saw them all again at home later. I also made him a buttermilk pie for his Father's Day dessert, because they're his favorite.

It was a long few days in the hospital. So many drives back and forth, trying to keep the house cleaned and take care of Archie, but also be there for Mom and Dad, and bring everyone what they needed. We had mostly awesome nurses, but on Sunday, encountered one who wouldn't even let us all go sit with him at the same time. Not even on Father's Day. When most of the other nurses would even let non-relatives in to see him! Basically ridiculous. We were heated.

I was getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night, which is more I'm sure than my poor mom who was sleeping on a hospital floor, but I was still exhausted. By the time I rolled into work early Monday morning, I was physically and emotionally spent. I would cry at the smallest criticism, or sometimes at nothing at all, all day long. The hospital and the trauma really takes a toll on you. 

Dad got his defibrillator put in on Monday, and they said they'd monitor him for 24 hours, and then he could go home. We were relieved because no one was getting the rest they needed while at the hospital, and Dad was truly just miserable there. But after 15 attempts during the operation, the doctor was never able to get the wires in a place he was happy with. X-rays and ultrasounds afterward proved that. So he had to go back in on Tuesday, and get his incision re-cut open, so the doctor could try again. Depression really started to set in at this news. This time was easy, the doctor said. He didn't know why, but it only took him one try to get the wires in a place he was happy with. And because he was so confident, he allowed Dad to finally come home.

Dad's extremely sore from 2 broken ribs caused by the CPR, and complains about a lot of headaches, but he has a beating heart and we are so thankful. So many things lined up for him that night: it happened when people were around, instead of an hour later when he would have been sleeping alone in his truck; a doctor happened to be at the campground, and one of the only two men near dad when it happened; and they were able to use two epipens to help the resuscitation efforts. If this had happened at home, he may have already gone to bed for the night as he goes to sleep early, and we never would have known. It could have happened while he was driving, which would have been tragic no doubt. But it happened at the right place, at the right time. And he's made a truly miraculous recovery. His short-term memory has returned, and he never lost any long-term memory, which is a miracle because his brain was without oxygen for so long. 

We are so grateful to still have him with us, and for the reassurance that the implanted defibrillator gives us that this won't happen again.

Now he just needs a few weeks for the ribs to heal, and he is practically good as new.

We sure love our Dad.

[a-secondhand-sorrow]

Chapter 3: i’d hide and pray for the the thunder and the rain to quietly pass me by

And here’s chapter 3 of sweet words, brought to you straight from the hell zone that is my brain. This chapter is much shorter than the first 2, and it’s also thin on plot. This is mostly just me having Emotions about Heidi and Evan’s relationship.

a lot of this dialogue is from the musical so. it’s not mine. please don’t sue me.

chapter title from from “sweet child of mine” bc I’m completely sapped of creativity

read on ao3

prologue | chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 4

Trigger warnings: suicide mention

***

Evan slipped through the door, hoping to escape up to his room and give himself time to think over the evening before his mom got home.

Someone moved in the kitchen.

“Evan?”

Shit. He’d forgotten his mom was getting home early tonight-well, earlier then usual. He quickly swiped at his eyes, hoping that his face wasn’t too puffy.

“Yeah?” He called back, trying to keep his voice even.

Heidi came into the room, still in her scrubs, a hint of concern on her features.

“Didn’t you-didn’t you have class tonight?”

“It got cancelled.” Heidi frowned, clearly seeing through Evan’s attempts to hide the fact he’d cried for the whole walk home. “How about we sit for a minute, sweetheart?”

He really couldn’t say no to his mother, as much as he wanted to. And besides, he barely saw her anymore, not with her picking up extra shifts and taking night classes.

As he sat next to her on the couch, she cleared her throat a bit. “You know, I-I got an email from the school today. About a boy in your grade who killed himself? Connor Murphy?” Her tone was gentle, and slightly inquisitive. “Did you know him?”

Maybe, another night, he would have had the definitive way to respond. He didn’t want to worry her by admitting one of his only friends had killed himself, but he also didn’t think he could lie to her.

Especially not tonight.

“Well, I-we-I didn’t-”

“Evan, honey,” Heidi reached out, grasping his unhurt arm.

He didn’t realize he’d started weeping again.

Heidi’s eyes stared into his, probing him, yet she remained silent as Evan tried to pull himself together.

After a moment, in the same gentle tone, her hand still resting on Evan’s arm, she asked, “did you know him?”

All Evan could do was make a sort of hopeless noise in the back of his throat, trying to hide his face. He nodded, trying very hard to hold back another tirade of tears.

At the same time, Heidi must have caught sight of Connor’s name on Evan’s cast, because she suddenly blurted “oh, honey,” and pulled him into a tight hug, his face buried in her shoulder.

For the first time since he’d found out Connor was dead, Evan allowed himself to truly fall apart.

Between sobs, Evan attempted to choke out the story: how they were best friends until they had a falling out during the summer, and they had another altercation at school the day Connor killed himself. He’s not sure if Heidi understood any of it, but he does know that the words die on his tongue as another wave of memories hits him and Heidi soothingly whispers “shh, you’ll be okay, I’m here.”

After calming down a little, he said “I just... they asked me to come to dinner. To-to talk with them. About Connor.”

“Oh, Evan,” Heidi said, still rubbing circles on his back.

“That’s where I was.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Evan slowly shook his head.

“Maybe another time, then. Tonight’s not the night. Hey, how about I bag my shift next Tuesday? When’s the last time we did a taco Tuesday?”

“Oh, you don’t have to...”

“No, honey, you’ve already been back at school for a week and I feel like I’ve barely talked to you. We could talk about your dinner, or just how school’s going.”

“...yeah. I’d like that.”

“You know what else we could go over?” Heidi shifted a little awkwardly, it was obvious to Evan she wasn’t quite sure how to move forward. “Look what I found online today: college scholarship essay contests. Have you heard of these?” As she spoke, one arm still around his shoulders, she reached to the side table and picked up a stack of papers.

“I think so...”

“NPR did a whole thing on them this morning. There are a million different ones you can do. A million different topics. I spent my whole lunch break looking these up.”

“Wow.”

Noticing Evan’s quietness, Heidi, most likely in an attempt to cheer him up, said “college is going to be so great for you, honey. How many times in life do you get a chance to just... start all over again?”

“No, I know.”

“You’ve got so much, so many wonderful things ahead of you. High school isn’t always... well, the only people who like high school are cheerleaders and football players and those people all end up miserable anyway. Yeah, you’re gonna fun yourself in college. I really think so. I mean, I wish I could come with you, but...” during her spiel, she must have realized that Evan wasn’t really enthused. “I just thought these were...it seemed like a good idea.”

“It is. For sure.”

She shifted, putting the stack of papers down, moving to look more at his face. “You know that... if you ever, if you want to talk about anything...I realize that lately it must seem like, I’m always working or I’m in class-“

“It’s fine.”

“Well, I’m here. And if I’m not here, I’m a phone call away. Or text. Email. Whatever.”

“Yeah, I know.” There was a moment of silence, which Evan suddenly couldn’t handle. “I might just go to bed.”

Heidi frowned a bit, pushing a lock of hair back from his forehead. Her arm lossened a bit around his back. “Yeah, of course, sweetheart. I know you had a long day.”

Evan stood stiffly and trudged up the stairs to his bedroom slowly, flopping down into bed without changing his clothes.

Instead of drifting off to sleep, he replayed Cynthia’s crying face, Larry’s distant glance, Zoe’s stony features over and over in his head, all paired with that one perfect afternoon in the mostly-dead orchard.