#I HATE Joe Joke

[pokaww]

I never want to hear from that guy again

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Your deep dive of ttpd was amazing💕 I just have one question. First off I despise MH and second I don't hate JA but I think he is a very depressing man who doesn't know what he wants out of life. Question is when TS performed at the 1975 concert with anti hero, were they involved then ? I am terrible at time lines not that it really makes a difference when he started to play her but he is so despicable I just wondered if they were together then.

Hi anon,

This is delicate and I'd also like to caveat that I am not privy to Taylor's personal life, nor is anyone else on the internet, so I can't speak in absolutes.

But going from the story she's laid out in TTPD: it's not necessarily likely they were physically involved at the time of that concert, but there were at the very least complicated emotional entanglements by then. IIRC in some article at the time of their relationship, someone (maybe Jack? idk) confirmed that they reconnected as friends (after years of not speaking) through Jack when he and Taylor were finishing Midnights in 2022 (and Jack was producing The 1975's album, hence the connection). I can't remember where I read this, but someone pointed out that Taylor and Matty were rarely if ever actually on the same continent until he showed up for Eras because of his band's touring schedule. But also don't take my word for it because I pride myself on knowing as little about him and his band as possible lol.

So like, the story we "know" is that they got involved for real when he showed up at Eras in Nashville in May, because he'd been on tour most of the year before then. As far as we know, Taylor and Joe broke up sometime between Arlington and Vegas tour stops in March of 2023. So there's at the very least murkiness re: the emotional affair, which she all but outlines in Guilty As Sin? and How Did It End?, but beyond that, what we know is what we she's shared in TTPD and what we saw play out.

TL;DR: there was probably risky (and ill-advised) flirtation happening at the time of that concert and an emotionally intimate relationship, but beyond that, we don't know, so I'm taking Taylor's word for it unless she offers other information in the future.

(Frankly, I also think if they'd been physically intimate at the time, Matty would have had no problem bragging about being "the other man" after the shitstorm in 2023 because he is the type and the fact that he hasn't leads me to believe they weren't, but I digress.)

[jakeabel]

can i be a cunt and say. if pete and patrick had hugged on stage we would’ve gotten 4k HD superbowl playback level footage from 86 different angles by now

[localemofreak]

Me when I saw the newest photo of Joseph:

[super-rangers]

I'm not really watching season 2 of Lioness but imagine how funny it would be if this happened:

"I don't want to talk about it," Joe grunts, glaring into space. She holds up a warning finger, even though she knows it's probably useless. "I dont - I don't want to talk about it."

She can feel Kaitlyn staring at the side of her head, and it prickles against her, makes her want to scrunch her elbows up against her ears. She doesn't flinch, of course. That's a weaknesses she hasn't allowed herself in years.

"This doesn't mean anything. It's not a pattern," she continues.

Joe sneaks a look at Kaitlyn. There's a smug, knowing look on her face that shouldn't be there. Because this is nothing. Maybe if she believes it hard enough she'll stop wanting to scream. There's this mortifying embarrassment crawling up her neck, slick with exasperation. Because the fucking mission. And the way the missions go sideways because of this fucking problem, this quirk that keeps popping up at the shittiest of times.

It's not about the meat of it, the emotions and actions behind what's happening. She does not have the time to be worried about that shit, although maybe she should the way this is going.

It's the fact that it gets messy and Joe ends up in a fire fight and a daring water escape. She doesn't fucking want to know what kind of high octane goddamn rescue she'll have to pull off this time. 

She has a migraine. She's had a migraine since Mallorca, and for a second she really thought she'd get a break.

She's never been lucky like that.

"Sure. It’s nothing," Kaitlyn says, a perfect eyebrow arching in a way that definitely doesn't make Joe grit her teeth. Doesn’t make her want to bite down and crack that perfect facade. "The fact that your new lioness is trailing kisses up and down the target's neck definitely isn't evidence that you seem to have some sixth sense for lesbians. A legendary feat of - what do the children call it - gaydar or whatever."

If it wasn't so frustrating, it'd be hilarious. Joe can admit that. As it stands, though, Joe needs a drink. Or five.

She rubs her temples, letting a breath rush out of her nose in a harsh burst. She /has/ to be more careful next time. Kaitlyn will never let her live it down if it happens again.

(I wrote this in like 30 min so forgive any mistakes lol)

[toongoons]

this was literally diabolical btw

[nerdy-talks]

Warning : This post is going to be a very personal rage dump/rant.

There are heavy topics involved, including cancer and death. Also explicit language.

Out of consideration and respect to those of you who would prefer not to read it (since I completely understand why you wouldn’t want to), I will continue under the cut

Also pictures of my dogs, to break up the doom and gloom ^^"

-------------------------

I absolutely despise, loathe, hate toxic people.

Especially when those toxic people are the “wolf in sheep’s clothing” type.

Especially when those people don’t have the fucking balls to confront others directly and just choose to slink about behind the scenes like scummy little vermin.

So… my uncle Joe passed away a few days ago.

It was expected. He had been battling pancreatic cancer, which ended up spreading into his liver and lungs.

With that being said, even though he will be dearly missed, at least he no longer has to suffer.

I was close with my uncle.

In fact, it’s no exaggeration to say that I was much closer to him than I was with my own father (my Dad was a permanent presence in my life up until the day he died, but we had an extremely tumultuous, dysfunctional, volatile, abusive relationship.)

We visited my uncle Joe regularly ever since I was a baby, all the way up until somewhat recently. He spent countless hours at our place throughout the years. He was super close with my parents, doing tons of outdoorsy activities with them. I spent a good amount of my childhood with his family. When his wife passed away, my parents helped him and supported him. He helped us move twice. My Mom took his kids places when she was just dating my Dad. When my Dad passed away, my uncle Joe was there for me without me even having to ask.

Literally everything was good between us, and always has been.

It’s also thanks to my uncle Joe that we gained a new furry member of our family last year, who we named Dandy 💙 my uncle’s dog had puppies, he asked how many we wanted, so we took one lol

(I’ll include a few poor quality pictures because… well, I should probably break up this message with a little “positivity”, right?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was Dandy when he was still just a baby, 4 weeks and 3 days old.

Look at the cute little potato 🥹

We visited my uncle Joe every week to see him grow and develop, anxiously waiting until he was old enough to bring home.

And this was the day he finally joined our family ~

Look at how tiny he was compared to my one Black Lab (sorry for the terrible quality picture. Our carpets are old, but I swear they don't look that dingy ^^")

And here's Dandy today, one year and five months later ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyway! Back to my rage-fueled rant :

My uncle Joe met someone about a year and a half ago, and she moved in with him pretty quickly.

Which certainly wasn't a bad thing. We were genuinely happy for him.

She seemed very nice, sweet, accepting, kind, receptive, and welcoming.

But for whatever reason, the dynamic changed the moment my uncle fell ill and the control landed in her hands.

Since my uncle Joe was sick, we all mutually decided that it would be best if communication was between my Mom/me and her (we would text her to check in to see how he was doing, as well as find out if/when it was a good time for us to visit)

This is where some inconsistencies started to appear.

For example :

She would tell us not to visit because my uncle was too sick (which was totally understandable!), but then would tell us a few days later how he was doing great and had fishing trips planned all week.

I 100% believed her at the time.

After all, everyone has both good and bad days.

But then when we would visit, my uncle Joe told us how he couldn’t fish anymore because the chemo was causing neuropathy in his hands, and he couldn’t hold his fishing pole or cast/reel the line in.

Though we just assumed he discovered those issues after she told us about those supposed fishing trips.

But the true eye-opener happened during our one visit. My uncle Joe welcomed us into his home, we talked, found out some updates about his health (which was declining), etc. He was open/transparent with us about everything.

When my uncle went to the bathroom during that visit, his girlfriend made the comment “I probably should have told you guys not to come here, since he’s in a lot of pain today.”

Knowing my uncle, I didn’t budge from my seat. I knew that if he wasn’t up for company, he wouldn't hesitate to tell us to leave.

And I’m glad we didn’t leave… because literally 10 minutes later, her granddaughter came waltzing in to visit her.

My uncle came out of the bathroom, sat on the sofa doubled over in pain as he was talking to me and my Mom (at this time, we asked him directly if we should leave, since we knew he was dealing with a lot and we didn't want to overstay our welcome. He told us not to leave, that we could stay because he felt like shit regardless).

But as he was sitting there, clearly in pain, his girlfriend and her granddaughter asked him to get up and carve a watermelon for them instead of doing it themselves.

What sense does that make?

'I should have told you guys to stay away, but I’m gonna make him strain himself and carve a watermelon for us even though he’s already suffering and struggling enough'

…. Okay. Fuck you too.

We obviously didn’t say anything. We just visited for a little while longer, then left with a friendly/cordial “goodbye, nice to see you again” to her and her granddaughter, told my uncle that we would be thinking about him and see him again, and wished them a good day.

Two and a half months passed before we heard from them again.

Why? Because she refused to answer our numerous calls and texts.

She deliberately ignored us, which actively prevented us from having an opportunity to see my uncle.

And she knew damn well that we wouldn’t just show up at my uncle’s house unannounced because we didn’t want to disturb him if he wasn’t feeling up for company.

We only got in contact with him again after he directly called our phone and left a message saying “hey, just checking in. I hope you’re both doing okay, since I haven’t heard from either of you in a while. Stop by when you can”.

So we went to his house.

When we explained the situation to my uncle Joe/passive aggressively confronted his girlfriend, her excuse was “oh, sorry. The reception here is bad so my phone was probably just acting up.”

For two and a half months?

Even though she was literally using her phone in front of us, which appeared to be working perfectly fine?

Even though she’s always on her phone every time we see her?

Even though she could have reached out to us, yet chose not to? Not even once in two and a half months??

I call bullshit.

My Mom even told her that she was on the verge of sending a text that said “okay, cunt.” since we thought she was ignoring us after not responding to our multiple texts/calls.

We all laughed it off as a joke, Joe's girlfriend even said “hahaha, I probably would have laughed if I got a text like that!” … but it most certainly was not a joke.

(My Mom is extremely outspoken and normally doesn’t hold back, especially when it counts. She’s the type of person you either love or hate, but she’s definitely one of a kind and the perfect example of a strong, independent woman who gives zero fucks lol)

Anyway, that visit went well. We behaved like usual, talked to both my uncle and his girlfriend normally, caught up on stuff, etc.

After that interaction, his girlfriend miraculously responded to every single call and text (bad reception, huh? Funny how she had zero service issues after we called her out in front of my uncle)

But basically every time we talked with her, she would say “it’s not a good time to come by, he’s really sick.”

And we would always respond with things like “we totally understand”, “thank you so much for letting us know”, “we wish there was something we could do to help”, “we’re here for you if you ever need anything or anyone to talk to since we know this also isn’t easy for you”, “we’ll check in next weekend”, “please take care of yourself”, “we’ll be thinking about you”, etc.

Then finally, my uncle Joe told us to stop up again two weeks ago. So we did.

He was extremely sick and remained in bed, but we said hello and he told us that we are more than welcome there and we could just visit with his girlfriend. So we did. The visit remained cordial and friendly.

The next day, my uncle called and apologized for not getting up when we were there.

We immediately told him that he has absolutely no reason to be sorry, that we completely and wholeheartedly understand, that we would understand even if he told us to leave the moment we arrived, and that we were keeping him in our thoughts.

The week after that, his girlfriend said he was too sick for company (which again, we obviously understood and thanked her for letting us know, wished them the best, etc).

We didn’t visit my uncle Joe after that. He passed away before we had another opportunity to see him.

Now, here’s where my anger starts to come into play :

His girlfriend didn’t let us know when he passed away.

We found out from my other uncle, Mike, two days later. (My Dad had 3 brothers. His eldest brother is my uncle Joe who just passed away. His youngest brother is my uncle Mike who let us know what happened.)

So my Mom called her and offered her condolences, asked how she was doing, told her that we’re here for her, and asked about the arrangements. My Mom also told her that Mike was the one who let us know about Joe.

She made the comment “there’s going to be a small ceremony, but only for immediate family.”

Which didn’t make sense to me or my Mom. We were both very close with my uncle Joe, we are family. So that comment seemed a bit… off?

But we dismissed it and instead talked to my uncle Mike.

We asked him to please keep us updated, since we wanted to pay our respects to my uncle Joe and our family.

Well… I don’t know what the Hell that lady said to my cousin (Joe’s son), but he told my uncle Mike not to tell us anything else.

That snake in the grass obviously ran back and told my cousin that we found out about Joe’s passing from Mike.

But uhh... We deserved to know.

Now, we literally just found out this morning that the ceremony was held yesterday. We weren't invited (the day/time wasn't publicly announced).

We were excluded. We were denied the opportunity to say our final goodbye.

I blame his girlfriend. Completely and entirely.

I especially find it super interesting that she didn’t attend the ceremony either… almost like she was afraid that we might possibly show up and confront her (which we would never do, purely out of respect for my uncle Joe)

When my uncle Mike told us, he apologized. But we told him that we don’t blame him, since we certainly didn’t want to put him in the middle of it.

It just pisses me the fuck off.

Bad enough she actively prevented us from seeing my uncle Joe, even on his “good” days. But then to keep us away from the ceremony too?

And she HAD to have fed my cousin a bunch of lies and bullshit to cause him to tell my uncle Mike not to inform us of anything. (Luckily for us, my uncle Mike loves to talk so he didn’t mind spilling the tea. He just felt guilty for not doing so sooner. But I understand why he waited, and I hold zero animosity towards him)

It’s especially confusing and upsetting since we always remained on good terms with all of my cousins.

We saw my cousins regularly, got along well with them, joked around with them.

Literally nothing that we did or didn’t do would warrant such a reaction from them.

If there was any fault on our end, I certainly wouldn’t be angry about this situation or waste my time typing this up. (I'm not the type of person who plays the victim, I admit when I'm wrong and own up to my faults/wrongdoings. That just isn't the case here.)

So it’s seriously a mystery to me… which is why I blame my uncle Joe’s girlfriend.

Absolutely nothing changed in the decades of knowing my uncle and his kids. Literally the only recent change was her coming into the picture.

(I also want blame my cousin, since he’s older than me and has a mind of his own… but I also know that he’s grieving the loss of his father, so I feel like that bitch took advantage of the situation to say whatever she wanted about us while my cousin is vulnerable and not thinking clearly/properly).

Regardless of the finer details…. I am absolutely livid.

It’s like a giant “fuck you” to us, like we aren’t good enough, like our feelings don’t matter.

And that pisses me off beyond belief.

I’m debating whether or not I should confront her.

On one hand, I probably should just let it go and move on.

But on the other hand… I want to play dumb, call her, and be like “How are you doing? Do you know when the ceremony is?“ just to see what she says.

And then tell her to go fuck herself.

Is that immature of me? Sure.

But I’m angry. Annoyed. Irritated. Fuming. My rage is boiling, my wrath is building. And I feel like exploding.

Needless to say… my Mom was right. That lady is a cunt. A toxic, festering, diabolical, oozing, gaping, pungent cunt.

If you’ve read up to this point, I genuinely apologize for dumping all of this off here.

I just needed to vent a bit.

I also owe everyone who has tagged me a HUGE thank you. You have all given me a much needed distraction from everything, plus I genuinely love being tagged.

So I will absolutely start posting/replying to those a little later (I've already started on them and have them saved in my drafts, I just want to finish them all and post everything at once lol)

[cunninghamchrissie]

i did not have “grace makes an anime version of herself and joe (and her other friends but idk them)” in my bingo card im gonna be honest

[heartsbreaking-migrated]

i can't wait to see how the joe stans are gonna try and justify thirsting after is character in gladiator 😂 you can say he looks like he's got lead poisoning!!! its okay!!

[pokaww]

Joe and his imaginary friends.🌸🌸

Bibulli 🐡🩵

Baflay 🦋💚

Lecalexa 🐈🩷

Xiuanlinlin☁️💛

[theholidayslingerlikebadperfume]

pairing last kiss with dorothea, blondie IS HURTING for that man bad

[frenchtwistresistance]

Match Game Syndicated Episode 262

Fannie, in a warbly, tear-streaked voice, to Pretty Girl Betty Kennedy:

I was just sitting here thinking: When I was young and pretty, I used to sit in that seat. I used to wear red dresses, get attention. Now I’m pushed down here. Pretty soon I’ll be in the audience.

Me, playing along at home: Girl, quit lying 😂. Number one, when you were in the Pretty Girl seat (for like three weeks before you were promoted to Weird Girl), never did you ever wear anything remotely sexy. Number two, thirty seconds ago the cameraman decided to shoot you just sitting there doing nothing so America could appreciate your perfect jawline and cheekbones. Number three, you are absolutely Match Game’s Mae West and not only do you very well know it but also nobody’s trying to make you forget it. 😂

[discloseddesire]

oh you like using chatgpt? you like a website telling you exactly what to do? oh what a submissive little baby!

[joeyfranchise]

cuz you know that it’s delicate

joe burrow x fem!reader

summary: what happens when joe’s teammate slips a joke about your size difference and it sends you spiraling? being in love with joe since college has been tough but what happens when he starts figuring it out and trying to unravel you more?

warnings: SMUT, 18+ ONLY, MDNI. heaaaavy size kink, joe being a smartass should be it’s own warning, language, p in v, fingering, oral (f. receiving), roughness. probably more? this one was so much fun, plzzz stick around til the end. 🤭

word count: 3.1k!

note: heyyy everyone! my first joey smut 🤭 i hope y’all love it and again MDNI!! (shoutout to my boo @slimshiesty, hate me later and that stray ball part is rotting in my brain, so i snuck a lil of it in here as an ode to you. ily bbg. 💗) (also another taylor swift title bc i fr couldn’t think of anything else plus i used it a bit.. i swear i’m not trying to steal anyones thing i love all the joey swifties)

tags: @slimshiesty @starsinthesky5 (plz message me or send an ask to be added!) part 2

sexual frustration has to be one of the worst things in the world. sexual frustration at the hands of your best friend, however, takes the cake.

it started at a party two weeks ago when you were invited out by joe, the star nfl quarterback, certified dweeb, and your very best friend all wrapped into one.

flashback

you were sitting around with joe and some of his teammates, listening in on their conversations and people watching the rest of the time. it was easiest for you to hang out with joe and ja’marr since you knew them from college, but the rest of their teammates and their teammates partners were really cool too, and all so welcoming to you.

everyone was laughing and joking, having a laid back time, picking on each other for random things. that was, until, someone mentioned how funny it was to see you standing next to joe, being that he was well over a foot taller than you.

“what? how’s it funny?” joe asked, glancing between you and his teammate. “because you make her look so tiny! like a little doll. get up and stand next to each other.”

you were reluctant to move from your seat, hating where this was leading. it was already hard enough having feelings for your best friend over the span of a few years, but this was crossing dangerous territory. kink territory.

for you, there was something about how much bigger than you joe was. he towered over you. his body was lean but built with thick muscles. he could quite literally pick you up and sling you around like a rag-doll. (and honestly if he did, you’d thank him.)

you hoped his teammate pointing out your size difference wouldn’t be turned into a big deal, but once joe pulled you out of your chair to stand next to him, it was like the gates of hell opened.

you stood side by side, your head barely even reaching his armpit. everyone around the table laughed, including joe. “damn, i guess i never really focused on how little you are, y/n.” joe laughed, and placed his forearm on top of your head like an armrest.

alarms went off in your head. ABORT MISSION. ABORT MISSION.

you cleared your throat quickly, and came to your senses, shoving joe off before getting back into your seat. “maybe i’m not small, maybe you’re just a freakishly large man.” you remark, trying to keep your voice even.

“nah,” he replied, sitting down next to you again, “you’re sooooo tiny.” he laughed, wiggling his eyebrows at you. you flipped him the finger. “fuck you big bird.” you snarked before downing the rest of your drink. god knows you need it. you hoped that your pink cheeks would be chalked up to the alcohol and that nobody else had caught on.

the next instance came a few days later, on a sunday, and it was much worse than the first. so, so much worse.

flashback to sunday

you came to the bengals’ home stadium to watch their game, and since it was early you figured you’d go down to the field to say hi to joe and some of your other friends on the team.

you made it down and waved hi to ja’marr, tee and sam before making your way to joe. he spotted you and smiled, walking in your direction to meet you halfway.

you decided on wearing one of his jerseys and a pair of jeans, something simple and comfortable. as soon as he made it to you, the first thing he did was look you up and down and then pick up the sleeve of the jersey before chuckling.

“damn, this thing is swallowing you!” he comments. you playfully smack at his arm. “shut up, joey.”

“it’s cute, though. you look nice. are you excited for the game?”

you don’t give yourself much time to process that “cute” comment. wtf does that even mean? who cares. ABORT MISSION.

“of course i’m excited! i can’t wait to watch you guys kick some ass today—“

your sentence is cut off abruptly as joe grabs you and lifts you, turning your bodies so his back is now facing the opposite direction on the field. his grip on you is so tight that your chest is pressed into his stomach. you look up at his face, his expression a mix between anger and concern. you can feel your cheeks heat up and your eyes widen in disbelief.

“um, joe, you’re bear hugging the hell out of me right now. wanna put me down and explain what happened?”

he lets you down gently, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. “stray ball was coming right at you. i didn’t want it to hit you, it would’ve hurt you pretty bad.”

you reach a hand up and pat his chest, feeling the thick muscles. “thank you!” you respond, once again monitoring your tone. “i’m gonna head up and talk to everyone, ok?” you ask, already moving to leave. “yeah, ok.” joe says, focusing his attention on the ground. you can tell he’s contemplating something, but you don’t want to ask. you want to get out of there as quickly as possible.

the final instance came a few days later when you went to joe’s house just to hang out and have dinner.

flashback to wednesday night

you park your car in joe’s garage and step out, tucking your phone and keys in your pocket before heading up the stairs. before you make it to the door, joe’s already opening it and waiting in the doorway.

“hi bub!” you call, pushing past him and stepping inside, kicking off your shoes by the door. he greets you back sweetly and the two of you go sit on barstools in the kitchen, just catching up on things that have gone on this week. you rant to joe about your job and he listens intently, offering what advice he can.

he rants back to you about things going on with the team, and frustrations he’s having on the field. you try to return the favor and offer him some advice, but you know you aren’t of too much help. joe appreciates it regardless.

soon after your food arrives, you find yourselves in the living room, sitting on the couch side by side as a movie plays. you and joe always loved just being around each other, you had so deep of a connection that oftentimes words didn’t need to be shared at all.

you both enjoyed those moments.

you felt yourself starting to doze off until joe laughed at something in the movie, the sound waking you a bit.

“oh, sorry. you can go to sleep.” he whispers, pulling you into his side and wrapping his arm around your shoulder. you appreciate his warmth and you rub your head on his shoulder as you get comfy. you hear joe chuckle.

“what’s funny?” you mumble, your eyes still closed. “it’s like i’m hyper-aware now of how small you are next to me. it’s so cute.”

you make no outward moves or sounds, but inside you are screaming. yelling. this is the worst one yet.

you don’t know it yet, but joe’s figured it out. he’s seen you get flustered three times now over these comments, and he knows something is going on in your brain when they’re said. he isn’t aware if you have feelings for him like he does for you, but he knows you liked when he picked you up so easily on the field the other day.

it was effortless to him, despite what you might think of yourself.

you sit next to him in silence, eyes still closed, trying to control your breathing. just try to fall asleep again you tell yourself, hoping that joe has no idea. if you only knew.

when you wake in the morning, you’re still snuggled on the couch with him as the soft morning light shines gold around the living room. you shake him awake.

“joey, i gotta get going. i need to go home and get ready for work and you have thursday practice.”

he pulls you in closer for a moment, hugging you bye, and then wishes you a good day at work. you bolt out the door and to your car as fast as you can, heading home to wash the previous day away in the shower.

end of flashbacks

so, this is where you are now.

it’s been almost a week since you’ve talked to joe, avoiding him because you aren’t sure what to say or do. part of you knows he has something figured out, but you don’t know what or how much.

you’re terrified to let him in on your feelings, what’s going on in your head, because you’re delicate and you don’t want to ruin something that has always been there for you.

the other part of you knows you have to tell him, you need to tell him. you love him, you lust after him. the comments that keep being made about your sizes are driving you to the point of insanity that nothing will fix it unless joe manhandles you as rough as you can take it and he fucks it out of you.

you’re pretty sure your vibrator is gonna be on its last leg soon.

alright, i gotta call him. i gotta get this over with.

you grab your phone off the kitchen counter and dial his number, listening to it ring for a few moments.

“hello?” he finally answers, sounding a bit upset.

“hey joey. sorry i haven’t been talking to you this week. i just— i think i need to talk to you about some stuff and.. would you mind coming over later?”

he says nothing for a moment, but you hear him blow out a long breath. “yeah, of course, y/n.” he finally says. “i can be over around 7?”

you check the clock on the stove, it reads 4:34pm.

“7 sounds great! see you then!” you say, hanging up quickly. now you play the waiting game.

all your chores are done, and you take a lovely everything shower to help calm your nerves, and you make sure to drink plenty of water and have a snack as you tell yourself affirmations.

it’s going to be okay, he’s my best friend. he will understand. he will still be my friend regardless, he’s always been there for me. if he rejects me, nothing will change that.

you sit on the couch and scroll your phone as you wait. there’s still just a bit over an hour before joey will arrive, so you waste time scrolling tiktok, cozy on the couch.

soon enough you hear the doorbell, and you jump off the couch to answer it, stepping aside to let joe in.

he sits on your couch, waiting for you to join him and start speaking. “joe, i, um.. i hav-“

he cuts you off. “you have feelings for me? you like it when people compare our sizes because it turns you on?” he smirks, leaning back on the couch, crossing his arms behind his head. he’s manspreading now, his thick thighs on full display. your mouth falls open for a moment.

“yeah. essentially exactly that.” you finally reply.

“so what are we gonna do about that?” he questions, pulling you into his lap. you place your hands on his chest instinctively, and before you know what’s happening he‘s pulling you in for a heated kiss.

his lips are soft against yours and he gently prods at your bottom lip, sliding his tongue past as you open it. he tastes like mint, it’s intoxicating you. one minute his large hands are splayed over your back holding you to him, the next he’s lifting you off the couch by grabbing underneath your armpits and carrying you down the hall, roughly body-slamming you on the bed.

“dude, save the UFC moves for ja’marr!” you groan, sucking in a large breath. joe jumps on the bed, caging you in by placing his knees on either side of your hips and his hands next to your head.

“no, i don’t think so.” he smirks, leaning in closer until your noses are nearly touching. you felt your cheeks heating up at his close proximity, and his eye-contact with you was starting to feel intimidating, even though you had just been sharing such a passionate kiss. you hated that you could feel your wetness soaking through your panties just from him trying to wrestle you.

he blows gently on your face and you shove at him. he laughs you off and leans even closer, pressing the tip of his nose to yours before moving away and leaning down to whisper in your ear.

“this would be a lot easier if you’d just admit that you want me to manhandle you. you want me to go rough, right?” he teases. you’ve had enough of his smugness. you grab the back of his neck and pull him in for another kiss, tugging at his hair and nipping his bottom lip. he groans into you. he stands from the bed, picking you up again, carrying you across the room before roughly slamming your body against the wall.

you let out a strangled moan, loving the feeling of him using all his strength on you.

“can i take your shorts off?” he asks, looking into your eyes.

“fuck yes, please.” you breathe out, exhilarated.

joe yanks your shorts and panties down your legs in one swift motion, kneeling down in front of you. he’s able to keep your body held up and pressed against the wall. he looks up at you with questioning eyes, making sure this is okay. you give him a soft nod in response.

he leans in and throws one of your legs over his shoulder. he starts by pressing the smallest kiss to your clit, and then licks a slow, languid stripe up your core. you hiss, your body arching off the wall at the new sensation. when you look down, you find him looking up at you, his beautiful blue eyes trained on your face.

your eyes roll back in your head as he continues his ministrations. you feel the hand that isn’t holding you against the wall rubbing circles on your inner thigh before joe slowly slips a finger into you.

you quickly approach your orgasm, your stomach tight with anticipation. joe doesn’t let up, working you there until your body feels like it’s being dunked into warm bath water, the feeling covering you from head to toe. it takes you a minute to regain your sense of self. joe pulls his fingers from your core and removes your leg from his shoulder, standing back up before lifting you so your legs are around his waist.

you waste no time pulling him in for a kiss. “holy shit, joey!” you moan, baffled at what just happened. he smirks into your kiss.

for the second time, you’re thrown onto the bed. you sit up, propped on your elbows as you watch joe stalk closer, his erection very obvious in his shorts. he pulls his shirt over his head and you do the same, unclasping your bra just after so that you’re completely bare for him.

you chalk your forwardness up to being comfortable with him, normally you wouldn’t have the confidence to act this way. neither would joe, actually, but you shrug it off.

you don’t remember seeing him strip his shorts off or climb on top of you, but you know you’re kissing him again. you can’t get over how good his lips feel. one of his hands traces your curves, he runs his fingers along your body until his large hand is cupping your breast.

he moves his kisses to your neck and you gasp, reveling in the feeling of him kissing and touching you softly and sweetly.

you look down at his throbbing cock and suddenly you feel intimidated. joe hears you gasp. he lets out a soft laugh.

“don’t talk a big game and then act scared of it, baby.” he teases, pressing light kisses to your cheeks. you swallow thickly.

joe reaches down and strokes himself, spitting on his hand to slick himself up. he looks at you once again for confirmation, and you nod to him. he helps you get comfortable beneath him, positioning your legs around his waist as he pushes his tip in. you suck in a harsh breath.

it stings, but it isn’t the worst thing. he moves against you slowly, sliding in inch by inch until he bottoms out. he looks down and you, your faces inches apart, and you giggle.

“what is it bub?” he asks, smiling softly. “they weren’t kidding calling you big dick joe.” you laugh out. joe laughs too.

after giving you a few minutes to adjust, he starts moving hips, rocking into yours slowly. you think this is what the peak of euphoria feels like.

he leans back down to kiss you, his hand finding your throat and squeezing ever so slightly. your back is arched, your chest pressed to his as your hands tangle through his hair. his hands move down, finding your hips and holding them down to the bed. you moan at the rough grip.

he starts going harder, his hips pistoning into yours as you continue kissing, both of you moaning out your pleasure.

“joey, i-i’m close.” you warn, your body covered in a sheen of sweat. you felt it again, you were so close to that warmth once again pulsing over your body.

until.

knock knock knock.

what was that? you thought. you tried to focus on joe but everything seemed to be slipping away.

then, there it was again. the knocking. and the shrill of your phone ringing.

you startled awake, sweat covering your body. you looked at your phone screen. 7:10pm. one missed call from joe.

you threw your throw blanket off, trying to gather your thoughts. what the fuck? what is happening?

you thought you’d just had the best fuck of your life, that everything would be okay with you and joe but… it was just a dream? you dozed off and you didn’t even know it.

“y/n, let me in!” you hear joe yell from the opposite side of the door. you’re panicking, your body is hot, your clothes are stuck to you. still, you get up and almost sprint to the door. you open it, taking in his appearance. just like your dream.

black shorts, black shirt. backwards cap.

“can i come in? are you okay?” he asks. you watch as he takes in your appearance. sweaty hair stuck to your neck, your eyes glazed over.

“um, yeah joe. i’m okay. come in.” you step aside, inviting him in, just like your dream. he sits down.

“so, what did you wanna talk about?” he asks. you sit down next to him, blowing out a long breath. this was gonna be a longggg conversation.

[yelenasbraid]

slip of the finger — joe burrow

summary — you and joe are recently married, and he swears he’s never taking off his wedding band. that sentiment stays until he loses it on the field during a game.

warnings — fem!reader, fluff, some suggestive comments, implied smut

requested by — anon <3

BEING NEWLYWEDS WAS EXCITING. the bliss, the laughs, and the memories that were wrapped up in a beautiful bow. beginning a new chapter with the man you loved was such a privilege, and one you couldn’t wait to live to the fullest.

you and joe laid in bed, the soft duvet covering your bodies as your hands were held up in front of you. it was so surreal to you that you married your college sweetheart, that you were married. you watched the diamond sparkled underneath the warm lighting, how joe’s ring perfectly accented yours on his finger.

“i can’t believe we’re married,” you whispered, watching joe grab your hand and press it to his lips.

“i can,” he hummed, shifting onto his side, “i’ve always wanted to marry you,” he added, a lovesick look in his eyes. he admired you, the way your skin glowed in the warm lighting, the way your eyes sparkled with the love you had for him.

his words sent warmth down to your toes, your mouth pulling into a smile. you shifted onto your side, keeping the cover over your naked body. being married had many perks, including enjoying your husband. his hand reached forwards, caressing your cheek. he was so in love with you, with every part of you. his eyes flicked over your face and your exposed collarbone. he could see the marks he made just a few moments ago.

joe leaned over, his hand sliding across your skin to cup the back of your neck. he pressed his lips softly to yours, rolling so he was on top of you. your hands looped around his neck as his lips met yours. you smiled into the kiss, your cheeks rosy and warm. joe pulled away and rested his forehead against yours, his hair tickling your skin.

“i love you,” he hummed, kissing you softly again.

“i love you,” you agreed into the kiss. he hummed, pressing another soft kiss to your lips. he pulled away and sat up, running his hands down his face. while he always enjoyed moments like this and he wished he could stay like that forever, he couldn’t. it was game day.

“what time do you need to leave?” you asked him as he got out of bed. he slipped on his boxers as he disappeared into your walk in closet. it was an away game, so joe needed to be at the airport a whole day before the game. you wished it was different, but you’ve lived and loved this life for several years. you were used to it.

“in like,” there was a pause, “15 minutes,” he finished as he gathered his game day outfit. he tossed a shirt over his head and tugged black cargo pants over his hips.

“we really passed the time, huh?” you laughed, pushing your hair out of your face. you watched joe emerge from his closet, dressed in something comfy yet stylish for his flight.

“we did, didn’t we?” he smirked as he walked over, kissing you sweetly on the lips. you smiled, stretching your taut limbs under the duvet. you saw the wedding band on his finger, snug as could be.

“please don’t wear that on the field,” you begged, watching as he packed a bag.

“i won’t lose it, i’ll keep it safe,” joe assured you, zipping up his bag.

“you better, can’t have someone thinking you’re not married,” you commented, watching him smirk and scoff.

“with those marks i just gave you, i don’t think that’s possible,” he flirted, grabbing his bag and giving you a look. damn you, joe burrow.

“uh huh, ok player,” you joked as he kissed you again. he always hated leaving you; marriage hasn’t made it any easier. in fact, it’s made it ten times harder.

“i love you,” he called as he exited the bedroom.

“i love you! be safe!” you reminded him. you weren’t able to make it to the game, but you’d watch. you always watched.

—

it was finally game day, and you were curled up on your couch. you invited robin and jim over, as well as some of the other WAGs to watch the game. charcuterie boards were on the coffee table, half eaten as the game closed out the third quarter.

the bengals were up, and watching joe’s expression loose and relaxed kept you in good spirits. you hated watching tight games; you could see the stress lines on his face. you stood up, walking into the kitchen with an empty wine glass. you unscrewed the cap of the bottle, pouring out the red liquid into your cup.

“what happened to his finger?” robin asked, diverting your attention from your glass to the screen. you watched as joe showed ja’marr his ring finger, his left ring finger.

without the ring.

“joseph lee burrow,” you tsked, shaking your head and pursing your lips. what did you tell him a couple of days ago? you walked back over, taking a seat back on the couch, careful not to slosh your wine too much. robin looked over at you, a grin blossoming on her face.

“you told him to take it off, didn’t you,” robin stated. she knew you asked him to, but robin also knew another thing: joe hated taking it off. he loved showing people he was married, and that he was married to you. it wasn’t just a ring to him, it was a symbol of commitment and undying love.

“i did,” you confirmed, not being able to hold back a laugh as you sipped your wine. you knew he was stressed, you could see it on his face. everyone could see it. joe was frantically moving his hands, gesturing on the field where he thinks he lost it.

“she told me to take it off,” joe told ja’marr, running his hands through his hair. the two of them were walking the field, trying to see if the sun would reflect just right and reveal joe’s lost ring.

“and this is why we listen to our wives,” ja’marr clapped him on the shoulder, earning a scowl from joe. it didn’t last long though.

“she’s probably watching the game right now, and i’m gonna be in big trouble when i get home,” joe’s eyes scanned the field, flicking up every now and then to check how much time was left on the timeout clock. he didn’t have that much time.

“maybe she got up and got a snack,” andrei stepped beside them, offering his two cents.

“nah, she wouldn’t. she’s got her snacks right there with her. i bet she saw the whole thing,” ja’marr laughed, causing joe’s cheeks to turn pink. they didn’t have much more time before the next and final quarter was to start.

“burrow!” trey hendrickson came running over, holding the illusive gold band that would be joe’s wedding ring.

“oh thank God,” joe exhaled as he grabbed the ring from trey, “she would’ve not been happy,” joe chuckled. he handed it to one of the staffers, not risking it. he couldn’t lose it a second time.

“get a silicone one,” trey suggested, “those suckers don’t ever come off,”

“noted,” joe chuckled.

—

joe walked into the presser, wearing a t-shirt and his seinfeld sweats. he sat down, his wedding ring adorning his finger. he situated himself, preparing for all the questions about the fiasco on the field.

“find your ring?” one of the reporters asked, making joe awkwardly chuckle.

“yeah, yeah i did. thankfully,” he answered.

“did your wife see it?” another reporter asked.

“knowing her, probably. i’m not that lucky,” he joked. he nervously spun the ring around his finger, answering the other questions of the reporters. he couldn’t wait to make it home to you, settling in to your arms and hearing you tease him about losing his ring.

the press conference ended, and joe joined up with the other members of his team. as he did so, his phone vibrated in his pocket. he pulled out his phone, smiling as he answered the call.

“i know i know, i should have listened to you,” he smiled, walking a ways from the boys.

“it was kinda funny,” you admitted on the other end of the phone.

“how so?”

“seeing you scramble for your ring was entertaining,” you added. he could hear the smile on your words. he laughed, shaking his head.

“i bet it was,” he agreed.

“i ordered you a silicone one, so maybe this time you don’t lose it,” you teased.

“you didn’t have to do that,”

“what can i say, it’s a small treat for winning your game today,” you smiled, picking up the remnants of the small gathering you had. the girls and joe’s parents left a few minutes ago, leaving you alone in the house. it was nice, but you also wanted joe to hurry on back.

“you know what would also be a nice little treat?” he asked you, giving a glance around to make sure no one was listening.

“what?”

“that lingerie set you have, and you in it,” he suggested in a low voice, which he did for privacy purposes, but on your end it just turned you on.

“oh really now?”

“i think it’s the perfect little treat,” he smirked.

“i bet you do,” you laughed. you put the final things away before padding upstairs. “you said the black one, right?”

“you have multiple?”

“oh sweet joey,” you mused, opening one of your dresser drawers, “a girl always has multiple sets of lingerie,” it was your turn for your voice to go deep, driving joe wild.

there was a beat of silence on the other end of the phone.

“pick your favorite, but just so you know, i’m seeing you in all of them this week,” he warned you. you were still caught up on the fact he didn’t know about your multiple sets.

“one a night, huh?”

“you said it, not me,”

“whatever, burrow. just get home,” you laughed, pulling out a red lingerie set, “and do not lose your ring between there and home please,”

“i won’t! i promise,” he hummed. you bid your farewells, hanging up the phone. joe stood there for a minute, letting himself calm down. he didn’t know how long it would last; the thought of you surprising him in an unseen lingerie set was not boding well for him. he didn’t want to have a boner the whole flight home.

you, on the other hand, slipped out of your comfy clothes and readied for a shower. the thought of surprising joe in your lingerie set excited you, and you couldn’t wait for joe to get home, to remind him exactly why he’s got that wedding ring on his finger.

eeekk!!! this took me way longer than i liked but it’s cute!! newlywed joey is an absolute cutie. hope you enjoyed anon and so sorry for the delay!

tags: @wickedfun9 @joeyfranchise

[goldfades]

does Hayes ever have times where he’s a total momma’s boy and Joe has to fight for her attention? I feel like you’d have to juggle two pouty whiny children because they’re not getting your full attention and one of them is your husband

i got like five million requests for momma's boy for hayes, and honestly he IS momma's boy, through and through and always will be

It started slowly at first—little things you didn’t think much of.

Hayes had always been attached to you. That much was obvious from the moment he was born, but lately? Lately, it was like he had developed a sixth sense specifically for when Joe got too close to you.

It was in the way he’d suddenly appear the second Joe pulled you into a hug, his tiny hands wedging their way between you both, his little face scrunching up in disapproval. If Joe so much as rested a hand on your thigh while you sat on the couch, Hayes was there in an instant, wiggling his way onto your lap like he was reclaiming what was his.

And bedtime? Forget it.

The second Joe tried to wrap an arm around you in bed, Hayes—who had miraculously woken up from a perfectly fine sleep—would start calling for you through the baby monitor, like some kind of territorial alarm.

Joe brushed it off at first, laughing whenever Hayes pulled one of his little stunts.

"That’s my boy, fighting for what’s his," he’d joke, ruffling Hayes’ hair, acting like it didn’t bother him.

But over time, as the baby barricade between you and Joe grew stronger, the amusement started to wear off.

Especially when Hayes began glaring at him.

You first noticed it when Joe had leaned in to kiss you goodbye before heading to practice one morning. Hayes, perched in his high chair with a fistful of pancake, scowled at his father like he had just committed an unforgivable crime.

Joe paused mid-kiss, catching the look. "Did—did he just mug me?"

You tried not to laugh as you glanced at Hayes, who was now hugging your arm possessively, his chubby fingers clutching onto you for dear life.

Joe scoffed, hands on his hips. "Oh, you think this is funny?"

Hayes remained stone-faced, gripping you tighter.

Joe really tried to be the bigger person.

At first, he played along with Hayes’ little antics, humoring him like it was some kind of funny phase.

“Oh, I see how it is,” he’d mutter whenever Hayes forced his way onto your lap, effectively kicking Joe out of his spot. “You’re trying to replace me, huh?”

Hayes would just blink up at him, completely unbothered, before turning to nuzzle into your chest like some kind of smug little prince.

Joe would shoot you an exasperated look. “You’re really just letting him do this?”

You tried to be neutral about it, but honestly? It was kind of adorable. Hayes was still so little, still so attached to you in that way only toddlers could be. And truthfully, it wasn’t like you hated all the extra snuggles.

But the real breaking point came one Saturday afternoon, when Joe had the absolute audacity to wrap his arms around your waist while you were standing at the kitchen counter.

The moment his hands made contact with your hips, you heard a small gasp from behind you.

Then— "NO!"

Joe barely had time to react before Hayes came barreling into him, tiny hands pushing at his thighs like he was physically trying to separate you both.

Joe stumbled back, throwing his hands up. “Are you serious right now?”

But Hayes was dead serious. His little brows furrowed, lips pouted in betrayal as he latched onto your leg, looking up at you like, Mommy, I can’t believe you’d do this to me.

"Buddy," Joe tried again, voice light and reasonable. "I was just hugging Mommy."

"No!" Hayes clung harder, sending a defiant glare in Joe’s direction.

Joe turned to you, mouth slightly open in disbelief. "Okay, I think I’ve been replaced. This is—this is an actual hostile takeover."

You couldn’t help but laugh, running your fingers through Hayes’ soft hair as he cuddled into your leg, victorious.

"Joe," you soothed, glancing up at your husband’s genuinely offended face. "It’s just a phase. He’s a mama’s boy right now."

Joe folded his arms. "Right now? He’s been a mama’s boy his whole life."

"Can you blame him?" you teased, giving Joe a playful smirk.

Joe groaned, running a hand down his face. "I just want one kiss. Just one."

But Hayes was not having it. The second Joe leaned in to press a kiss to your cheek, Hayes wiggled between you again, little arms pushing at Joe’s chest with all the strength his tiny body could muster.

And Joe? Joe was finally fed up.

"Alright, that’s it. You wanna go, little man?" Joe bent down, grabbing Hayes under the arms before tossing him into the air. Hayes squealed—part delighted, part indignant—before Joe caught him again, holding him up so they were face to face.

"You think you can just take my wife?" Joe challenged, squinting at him playfully.

Hayes giggled, but still, his tiny hands grabbed fistfuls of Joe’s shirt, as if making sure his dad wouldn’t get too close to you again.

Joe groaned, holding him out dramatically. "Babe, he’s obsessed with you."

You smirked. "Welcome to my world."

But Joe wasn’t giving up. He pulled Hayes in closer, staring him down. "Listen, buddy, we’re gonna have to share, okay? You can’t just claim her."

Hayes blinked. Then, very seriously— "Mine."

Joe gasped. "Did you just—?" He turned to you, absolutely betrayed. "Did you hear that? He just called dibs on you."

You shrugged. "I mean, technically, I did bring him into this world, so…"

Joe’s jaw dropped. "You’re taking his side?"

Hayes grinned, sensing his win.

Joe sighed dramatically, plopping Hayes back down. "Unbelievable. My own son. Stabbing me in the back like this."

You rolled your eyes, walking up to press a kiss to Joe’s cheek. "Don’t worry, babe. You’ll always be my first love."

Joe grumbled, wrapping an arm around your waist again. "Yeah? Tell that to our tiny little homewrecker over there."

But you knew, despite all his complaints, Joe secretly loved it. Because later that night, when Hayes finally (finally!) let Joe tuck him into bed, you caught your husband lingering at his door, watching him sleep with that soft, completely smitten look in his eyes.

And yeah, maybe Hayes had stolen you away for now…

But Joe would let him. Every single time.