#I HATE MY STUPID BRAIN AND BODY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

drawing-kitty-ckristal · 2 months

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Oh god ever since i read nyoomerr's ficlet about OctoBinghe it's been stuck in my mind and i just had to draw it!

Nyoomerr's post

#artists on tumblr #scum villian self saving system #svsss #svsss fanart #mxtx #luo binghe #ok but the blue ringed octopus is like one of my fav animals and i'm obsesd with octopus anatomy #and body horror as in merging things with humans in fun ways #so this came so natural #what didnt came natural where those stupid as fucking rings #but i think they came out ok #i origanaly wanted to make binghe more into an abomination like the mad scientist that i am #also more eyes #the rings where suposed to be eyes but i couldn't pass up the oputunety to make him venumos #like we all love ourself some monster bingbing but lke venomes bingbing?#oh god viper bing bing with retravtable fangs #no scales r shit i hate drawing scales #i'm becoming less and less coherent #binghe why r u making my brain into mush? shizun won't eat brain mush no mater how u cook it

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mxwhore · 26 days

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Its just one of those days

#in which having a body fucking sucks!!!#i woke up in a cold sweat from a dream where i was being sexually assaulted (thank you stupid brain)#and now i realized my shorts are too short for the gym #manifesting reality etc #i hate this

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angelnumber27 · 4 months

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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.

#I fucking hate having bpd #while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you #I feel so stupid #I feel so stupid for believing all the lies #but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist #I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed #it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time #I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead #it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid #being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world #for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately #like that was the plan all along #he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day #I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me #i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him #I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me #not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together #I’ll never be that beautiful again #and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over #it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all #he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up #nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken #it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover #I deserved it but it still hurts my heart #I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me #there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other #but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked #why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient

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skyward-floored · 7 months

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Bouncing around wips too much I need to probably just pick one but my tired brain isn’t letting me do that

#ough #I need to pick one but brain said nope #ackkkkk #rambles from the floor #I hate time changes but this one is the worst #my body has its rhythms and when they get thrown for a loop nobody is happy #just eating breakfast an hour earlier made me feel gross aaaaaaaa #not to be political or anything but I hate politicians who decide stupid things like this

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appleblocks · 27 days

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Epic the Musical, especially Legendary from the Wisdom Saga, is making me want to write that Empires fic so so bad <3333

everyone should listen to Epic the Musical, I think

#*rambles #hhhhhhhhh i hate having activity stagnation #i could work on things but nooooooo my stupid brain and body would rather do nothing #I WANT TO WRITE

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a-gay-bloodmage · 29 days

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One of my favorite hobbies to engage in is ignoring the canon course of video game romances

#yes my warden in an open relationship will have a foursome at the pearl #and yes I will continue to have Morrigan sleep with Orest after the “I love you and I hate it” conversation #I am digging into her brain so deep rn #morri seeing sex as the main manipulation tool she has and being so scared to have orest be just In Love With Her #she says no to his invitation of sex once and he just goes oh okay I'm sorry #I still love you that's okay #and it scares the bejesus out of her #time to keep fucking him so I can pretend that he just wants me for my body #time to let him fuck other people so it'll be easier for him to leave me in the end #I can't have him so dependent on me for his happiness or else it will destroy him (the man I love) in the end #I have to let him leave my side slowly or else he'll die if I separate myself from him I saw what happened with his ex-lover (tamlen)#let him be happy with zevran or leliana or anyone #fool woman he will never let you leave and never stop loving you #I love morrigan and her fucked up relationship with intimacy so much #orest is also especially easy to think you're manipulating because he acts so stupid (and it's only partially an act)#he loves so openly and so intensely and yet he's also clearly very easily drawn in with the appeal of a Nice Ass #I could talk about them forever #I'm editing an old fic to better fit with their dynamic and the canon of the romance #and the orest x morri content I've written since I first wrote this fic #and this doesn't just apply to orest and morrigan #I ignore that tamlen and gorim are female warden LIs only #I ignore that Blackwall is “straight” (blackwall may be but thom isn't that's for sure)#I do whatever the fuck I want with da2 #anyway time to stop rambling in the tags and actually get back to writing #dragon age #dragon age origins #dragon age ii #dragon age inquisition #original content #and mainly

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weareweirdpeople · 2 months

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I need to be able to just walk around like a puppy and randomly turn into a horror beyond human comprehension to feel like myself. I need to visually be a void mass of eyes mouths and voices. I need everyone to see that I'm just a puppy. But also that I am going tobruin everything and tear you apart. The duality me. That or I'm batshit crazy and need Aurora again because my God that place made me feel a bit more like I matter as a person, even with the shit psychiatrist that everyone hated.

@right-asscheek @quotevsdumpsterfire69

Is this normal thoughts or just my regularly brand of both normal but also very concerning

#how do i tag this #idk what to tag this as #mental illness #my stupid mortal flesh #my brain is silly #i hate my body #i fucking hate my brain #i love my brain #non human #In my post?#more likely than you think #I need to be a horror beyond your comprehension #Why can't I just snapshift #i have a problem #i might be going insane

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saturnshari · 6 months

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tiny fandom rant

thinking abt how being an Intellectual Brown woman isolates me from fandom experiences bc since i call out orientalism/racism against swana and my people in media that makes me too "anti" but the shit id be into and ship since i was 13 would land me 100ft deep into "proship" territory....

#u see my dilemma?#too proship for the antis and too anti for the proships #i think the entire proship vs anti discourse is stupid anyway just have basic fandom etiquette #of “dont like dont read”#but also feel free to openly criticize media that u consume too bc now media is flawless #also i hate that u can call out smth racist in media but then all the white gays jump you bc u pointed out a flaw in their favorite media #like SHUT UPPPPPP #anyway the islamic symbol appropriation in legend of Zelda ocarina of time for the gerudo sparked this #and also the gerudo being basically desert thieves dressed like bastardized belly dancers like im so tired #and then on twitter i remember seeing a huge thread calling out every instance of orientalism in gacha gaming #and non brown ppl stuck their asses in saying “who cares shut up anti these are good chara designs”#like i hate yall fandom mfs soooooo much u are all so allergic to basic critical thinking #the woes of being an intellectual are so heavy on my beautiful brain and body #also racism DOES show up in your “harmless” fictional media bc EVERY MEDIA CREATED IS INFLUENCED BY POLITICS #WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!!!!#like take a damn university social science class u stupid motherfucker

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phantasma-mirror · 2 months

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It's the STUPIDEST reason in the world too like ???? Can we stop. Can we PLEASE stop.

like the amount of energy I put towards fucking. Mourning relationships is so bad. It's so fucking bad!! It's taking a physical toll on me to the point where I'll puke if I think about it too long and that's so bad!! And yet I do not think I'm capable of not submerging myself in what-ifs and impossible scenarios. bitches are so desperate for attention that they'll cling to the most bare bones interactions and hope to pray to God that miraculously things will be okay again and I'm bitches!! what is my DEAL! I hate me fr!!

#its the fucking... 'i dont want better i want what i had“ mentality that ive p much been wrestling w since i lost my best friend #truly. do not know how to cope with shit. all i can do is cry bc I'm too afraid to do anything damaging to my own body physical or otherwise #is this going to be the rest of my life. cycles of loss with shorter and shorter moments of reprieve in between #will my attachment to people ever not hurt me #i wish i felt nothing at all. hate feeling everything. why is heartbreak and envy my default state of being AGHHHHH #dude. im just. man. the feminine urge to stuck hot needles in my brain #summer of spirals fr goddamn i was miserable all of July and it doesnt look like itll improve soon! fuck my stupid little life!

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stupid-elf · 4 months

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Okay dandy, what is "it's not about the bread"? I recognized everything else

Ah! It's not about the bread is a phrase fairly common in marriage counseling/relationship advice circles. It comes from a popular anecdote of a husband in counseling saying his wife is always blowing up at him about petty things, like buying the wrong brand of bread. The therapist asks the wife why she's upset about the bread, and she says it's because he is chronically inattentive to her and their collective needs so she ends up carrying the slack. It's not about the bread: It's about what's manifesting through the bread

Humans are not rational creatures, we're rationalizing. It takes a lot of self awareness to be in one's own head and go "oh. I'm not upset about the bread, I'm mad because this is the third time this week and the twentieth time this month I have to come up with a new dinner plan because this idiot fucked up." However, it takes much less awareness to look at one's partner and go "hm. That was an outsized reaction. Something larger than what set this off is probably going on."

Once you've realized there's something going on, partners can begin working towards a solution. You have to pull back the rug to find what's been swept under it.

Emotions all have causes. Sometimes they're bigger than they seem like they should be, and sometimes the cause is buried deep in the unconscious parts of the brain, but there's always a reason. Part of loving someone is trying to understand them, and part of understanding them is sussing out when it's about the bread... And when you should maybe start writing a more detailed grocery list

#it's not about the bread #stupid elf tries to explain marriage counseling concepts while neither married nor a counselor #there's a good chance the anecdote is taken from a tv show episode and the some psychologist wrote a book about it #cheers #also periods are like this #hormones don't make New Emotions they just exacerbate existing emotions #so if somebody is suddenly angry about things that don't normally bother them they're probably bothered they just suppress/don't express it #it's not irrational it's just a little convoluted #like all those stories of pregnant women being Totally Irrational about food #and then it's discovered that the brain knows what the body's nutritional needs are it just doesn't share that properly #so sometimes lines get crossed and eating the wrong thing is Going To Kill Baby Don't Let This Happen Nooooo #and it's just a ham sandwich but the brain only knows there's no lettuce and the body needs iron and This Won't Do #be sympathetic and be curious about your partner #and everybody will be happier and love deeper :)#today on I literally gained the legal ability to drink four days ago but I can talk like an old person giving advice to the younguns #thank you all wise elders for not hating me for my insolence I will keep being insolent now

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the-knife-consumer · 7 months

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One thing I really like is the idea that springbonnie hates William just as much as William has (probably) grown to hate it.

#i say probably because book william is off his fucking rocker. obviously the game one is too but the book one is actually so #uncomfortable to read. dont like him. but anyway say probably because book creep enjoyed being a rotting corpse in a rabbit suit #but game william. lol get tortured stupid.#my ver of the animatronics have?? weird pseudo free will??? like they know they are not real animals and that theyre only #here to entertain kids. but they ARENT aware that there are multiples of them #or at least they shouldnt be. see glamfred endo existential crisis.#and when on stage they arent really 'awake' just going on script and not thinking at all.#and even though they can think whatever they want they cant do anything against programming. or they shouldnt be able to at least #that is for the older ones. glamrocks have full complexity of human brains pretty much.#but anyway. something something your prison hates you just as much as you hate it. you are trapped with it and its equally trapped with you #it cant do much because youre taking up too much space inside of it. but it knows your there. and every chance it gets #it will do anything in its power to hurt you and get its body back. idk william parasite on his creation moment #it is not human like you. it doesnt process things like you. hate will not fade into acceptance it will always want you OUT

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dilleater · 14 days

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getting covid twice in a year has turned me into such a terribly anxious paranoid person it's driving me CRZAZY!!!!!

#especially knowing how much it wreaks havoc on my body AND mymind i really don't think i could handle getting it again #went to a bday party last night that was pretty small + all the windows were open + air filters on full blast but i had a 12 hour panic #spiral after leaving like SOOOOO convinced i had contracted covid #i'm about to be back in school starting this week so i won't have time for social activities which will reduce my risk of getting it again #big time but also i work with so many kids and those guys are little vectors i love them but they're vectors!!! and so are my 50 coworkers!#my boss also hates that i mask and has something to say about it every time she sees me which hurts my feelings frankly!!!#anyway i'm worried if i get covid again it'll damage my brain tot he point i won't be able to finish my degree bc i have such a hard time #learning new information + my memory recall is shot and i jsut feel stupid covid has made me permanently stupid #anuway. have a good night everybody!

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lexilikescats · 2 years

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there is something wrong with me.

there is something wrong with me

THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME

#i hate everything #i hate it i hate it i hate it #i hate my stupid little brain #i hate my body #i hate people #i hate the idea of existence #i’m supposed to be happy #but alas

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yutadori · 18 days

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sometimes you just need to hit your head against a wall at school and move on

#(in the most normal calm voice youve ever heard) im sooooo sick of myself . oh my god #why do i feel so embarrassed and shameful of everything i say lately #was just at office hours for 30 mins and i had a nice little convo with my professor like i dont . think it went badly . i think #but immediately after i left i spiraled like god i probably said a lot of stupid things or it seemed like i was trying #to be too agreeable or too much of a hater or or or didnxdkshsksdnjssbsksbxk #and everything i try to write for class feels stupid and wrong and im soooo mad i hate my stupid baka brain and body oughhhhhhhhhh #i need to be killed or somethingggg #i cant help but think that i was bothering my professor and that he did notttttt want me to be there #like his energy seemed very different from yesterday he was less silly and more reserved ish maybe not reserved but like calm i guess #which like . isnt bad bc ppl dont have to be the same all the time but becauae i have a fucked brain i cant help but think that bc it was #just me today and not me and my classmate that he probably thought i was a bother and that i was boring as hell AUGHHHHHHHHH #i hate this so bad lol when will it be overrrrrrr #ss

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urplepurplegurgleturgle · 2 months

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im okay

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binch-i-might-be · 1 year

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also I had a whole anxiety attack before coming here because my neighbour glued a note to my door telling me to go to the town hall and buy special trash bags for my discarded rat bedding. because apparently I'm not allowed to put it in the normal trash

not very Speak today tbh. father asked me how writing is going and I almost cried in the middle of this folk festival

#hey girl. i hate myself #i'm not writing because my brain doesn't work and i have become so much more stupider #brain is failing body is fat and ugly i have Nothing going for me rn #emotions are sad also #rayrambles

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