#I HAD TO RAMBLE TOO BECAUSE THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER
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Hiiii!! I love your writing so much!! I was wondering if you could do another best friends to lovers with Steve <3 maybe they’re in their 20s and reader has never kissed anyone which she’s embarrassed about and thus ensues a healthy dose of angst and mutual pining and happy ending? <3 tysm for considering 🥹
oh, anon, I had so much fun with this one! I'm definitely thinking of doing a part two with smut...
[fic masterlist]
accidentally, then all at once
wc: 3097 steve harrington x reader, first kiss, best friends to lovers, angst, fluff, happy ending

“—I’m not mad.”
“Okay,” Steve says, dragging out the vowel like it means something. “Cool. You’re just sitting there with your arms crossed like a pissed-off toddler because you’re not mad. Got it.”
You shoot him a look. “Can you focus on the road instead of diagnosing my body language?”
He shrugs one shoulder, eyes still on the empty stretch of highway. “Hard not to notice when you’ve been doing that twitchy mouth thing since we left.”
Your jaw clenches on instinct. He grins like he caught you in a lie. You turn your face toward the window and sigh, trying not to sulk. The warm hum of the car fills the silence, broken only by the soft thrum of The Smiths on the stereo—because of course he put on The Smiths. Like your night didn’t already feel like a bad punchline.
He glances at you again. “Look, I don’t get it. So you kissed that guy. The one from your creative writing class. The one you talked about for, like, weeks.”
You say nothing.
“It was truth or dare, not a wedding ceremony. And, sidenote, we’re too old for that ‘playing games as an excuse to kiss’ crap anyway.”
You groan, dragging your hands down your face. “That’s not the point.”
“Then what is the point?”
Your voice comes out sharper than you mean. “It was my only one, Steve.”
The words just… drop. Like a record scratch in the middle of a song.
He blinks, eyes flicking toward you, quick. Then again, slower. “What?”
You should’ve let it hang. Should’ve laughed it off or pretended you said something else. But no—of course you had to go and drop a personal bomb in the middle of his dumb BMW like you were having some kind of main character monologue.
He lets out this awkward little laugh. “Wait—what? Like… ever?”
You grimace and turn back to the window. “Forget it.”
“No, no, hold on. I mean—really?”
And that’s it. The dam breaks.
“Jesus, yes, okay? I had braces until senior year. Like, industrial-grade. It was like kissing a fucking bear trap. And I wasn’t exactly in high demand. I was too busy writing angsty poetry and reading romance novels with characters who—surprise—also never got kissed. So no, it’s not some huge dramatic thing, it just… happened. I got dared, I went with it, and—whatever, okay? It’s not like it meant anything.”
You stare out the window, breath hitching slightly at the edges. You don’t even realize the car’s stopped until you see trees out the passenger side.
You blink. The lake glimmers under the soft pull of the moon, all glassy and silver. Lover’s Lake.
“Why the hell are we here?” Your sarcasm kicks back in, eyes narrowed, automatic armor. “What, you figured I got the first one out of the way so now I’m cleared for advanced coursework?”
He scoffs, soft and amused, like your sarcasm didn’t hit him straight in the gut. “Relax,” he mutters, hands still on the wheel. “I’ve seen enough of you and Robin’s weird anxiety rambles to know we were three minutes away from either screaming, crying, or—on very rare occasion—puking. And you had a couple beers, so I wasn’t risking that last one in the beemer. I like this car.”
You make a sound. Something between a groan and a huff, more grumble than anything, still curled against the window like it might let you disappear if you press hard enough.
You’re quiet again. That same tight silence you’ve had ever since the party, ever since you kissed that guy and didn’t say a damn word about it until now.
And now he knows why.
It’s not like you and him talked about that kind of thing, anyway. Not really. Not in any real detail. He’d hear names sometimes—people you didn’t like, people you really didn’t like—but never the kind of stories he and Robin traded in late-night 7-Eleven parking lots.
Then again, Robin’s gay. So it’s… less weird. Less tense.
With you it’s… different. Even if he doesn’t say why.
Your voice pulls him out of it. “I’m probably the only girl you’ve taken here who didn’t make out with you.”
He lets out a dry laugh, head tipping back lightly against the seat. “Okay, first of all, most of the heavy petting happened at Skull Rock. That was the hot spot.” He smirks when you snort softly. “Second, not true. I brought Robin here when she needed to scream about Tammy Thompson being straight.”
That earns him a breath of a laugh from you. Soft. Real.
It lands in his chest somewhere.
He should leave it there. Let the silence take over again. Let it fade into another weird, almost moment that both of you pretend didn’t happen.
But he doesn’t.
Because now that he’s thinking about it—really thinking about it—it is kind of a big deal. Not the kiss. Not the party. But the fact that you said it out loud. To him.
And you said it like it was something to be ashamed of.
He glances over at you again, the dim light from the lake catching the curve of your cheek. You’re still looking out the window like it’ll save you.
“Hey,” he says finally, voice lower now. “It’s not a big deal, okay? You’re not weird.”
You roll your eyes, sharp even in the dark. “Steve, we’re twenty-one. You’ve got a goddamn Rolodex of experience and I’ve got a drunken peck from a guy whose biggest personality trait is liking The Great Gatsby.”
“Okay, well, just so you know,” he says, a little smug, “I’m currently in what Robin is calling my ‘longest dry spell to date.’ So, I’m basically a virgin again. It's a reset.”
You snort, but your mouth twitches like you’re trying not to laugh. It’s barely there, but he sees it.
You shake your head, smiling despite yourself. “That’s not how it works.”
“What’s not?” he asks, pretending confusion.
“You don’t just—lose all your progress because it’s been a while. You don’t respawn as a virgin just because you haven’t made out with anyone in a year. That’s not how any of this works.”
He gasps, dramatic, hand over his heart like you wounded him. “Wow. Okay. First of all, rude. Second, it’s been fourteen months, not a year. Third—”
You lift your brows. “You counted?”
“I had to. It was starting to feel biblical.”
You laugh, soft and reluctant. “You’re so full of shit.”
“No, I’m serious,” he says, eyes wide and insistent. “At this point, I probably wouldn’t even remember how to do it. Any of it. I’d be like a baby deer. All limbs. No coordination.”
You snort. “You’re an idiot.”
“Probably a bad kisser now, too. Like—tragic.”
You look over at him, skeptical. “Yeah. I bet you’re awful. All that varsity experience? Gone. Wiped clean.”
He nods solemnly. “Gone. Out the window. I’m a shell of the man I once was.”
You roll your eyes, but there’s something warm curling in your chest. Something easy. Familiar. His hand nudges yours on the center console—not holding it, not quite, just a brush of his fingers against yours like punctuation. Like he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.
And somehow, you’re closer than before. Not dramatically. Just enough that you can smell the faint sharpness of his cologne and the minty gum he always keeps in the glove box. Just enough that if either of you turned your heads at the wrong angle, your mouths might graze.
You feel it happen before you can name it—the shift. The quiet, off-balance moment where the space between you stops being a buffer and starts being a pressure point.
His gaze flicks to the back seat. Then back to you.
He raises his eyebrows. “Could always… test the theory. You know. Just for science.”
It’s a joke.
It has to be a joke.
But your heart doesn’t get the memo. It kicks like it’s trying to break through your ribs.
You glance—just for a second—at his mouth.
Just a second.
Then you lean back, fast, putting distance between you and the heat that’s suddenly too much. You don’t look at him. You just fold your arms, shift your body toward the window, and pretend that didn’t land like a slap.
Steve doesn’t say anything at first.
Mostly because he’s too busy internally screaming.
Nice. Real smooth. Excellent joke, Harrington. Really landed that one.
He stares out at the lake, but all he can feel is the space put between the two of you. Like a wall he didn’t even mean to build.
Because he didn’t mean to say it. It just… slipped out. The way things used to. When flirting felt like muscle memory. When moments like that didn’t have consequences.
But this wasn’t just some girl at a party. This was you.
You weren’t just anyone. You were—his friend. A good friend now. Someone he actually knew.
And yeah, okay, maybe he’s thought about kissing you before. He’s not blind. You’re—well. You. And he’s still a guy with eyes and a pulse and urges, thank you very much.
He exhales hard, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Don’t,” he mutters to himself, voice low. “Don’t go there.”
He rubs both hands down his face, grounding himself in the familiar feeling of palms against tired skin. Then he glances over at you again, and guilt punches him square in the chest.
“Hey,” he says finally. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”
Your voice cuts through the car like a blade. “I know.”
Flat. Sharp. The kind of tone that doesn’t need volume to hurt.
He winces. “Right. No, I mean—I really didn’t mean to. It just—came out. Like a reflex.”
You don’t look at him. You just breathe harder.
He leans forward, bracing his forearms on the steering wheel like he’s trying to physically hold onto the moment before it gets worse. “But it’s not like—I mean, I didn’t mean it like it’s gross. Or that you’re, like, some experiment or something.”
Still nothing.
He keeps going, because now his mouth won’t stop. “You’re—you’re pretty. And nice. Usually.”
That gets a look. A look.
He winces again. “Okay. Yeah. That’s fair. Real bold stuff. Revolutionary. Compliment of the century.”
He sighs and leans back in his seat, staring up at the car ceiling like it’s got a teleprompter he forgot to read. “I didn’t mean, like, surface-level stuff. I meant… the real stuff. Like how you remember dumb things people say in passing and then bring them up like three weeks later, and it freaks them out in a good way. Or how you’re the only person who actually listens when someone’s talking, not just waiting for your turn. Or like, the way you somehow always know when someone’s about to cry and do that casual thing where you pretend you didn’t notice so they can keep their dignity. I don’t know, you’re just—you.”
He’s quiet for a second. Then: “And you look really nice tonight. Like, really nice. That skirt thing you're wearing? The—uh. Whole situation? Yeah.”
You’re still not saying anything. So he laughs a little, under his breath.
“I guess… I kind of hoped if that stupid game led to you kissing anyone, it’d be me.”
Finally, finally, you look at him.
He swallows and offers a half-smile. Soft. Shrugging like it’s no big deal even though it’s the biggest thing he’s said all night.
“It’s a skort,” you mutter, finally looking at him again.
Steve’s head tips back as he laughs. “Ah, yes. The secret enemy of any guy trying to get to third base. I know it well.”
You smack his arm—harder than necessary, but it makes him laugh again. So you do too.
And then it’s quiet again. But not the same kind of quiet. This one feels… softer. Less like a wall, more like a blanket.
You mess with the fraying edge of your sleeve for a second. Then, too fast to stop it: “So what, you have a crush on me or something?”
It hangs there for a second. Too sharp. Too loud in the small space of the car.
Steve snorts, caught somewhere between defensive and flustered. “What are we, twelve?” But then he shrugs, eyes still on the lake. “I mean… yeah. Sometimes. It’s hard not to.”
That quiet stretches again. But it’s humming now.
He keeps going. “I mean, I spend most of my time with you, Robin, or a literal high schooler. And no offense to Dustin, but I don’t think I’m his type.”
You bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling. It doesn’t work.
Your voice comes out smaller than before. “It wasn’t really a real first kiss.”
Steve glances over. “The thing tonight?”
You nod.
“No,” he agrees. “Definitely wasn’t.”
You shift toward him slightly, heart thudding louder in your ears. “So… what would you do different?”
You ask it like a throwaway. A maybe. Like you’re already bracing for a backpedal.
But when you finally look at him—really look—you catch it.
The way his eyes flick to your mouth. The way something stills in his whole body, like the world just narrowed to the space between you.
He looks at you like he’s seeing the question behind the question.
Steve doesn’t move at first.
Not because he doesn’t want to.
But because he does—badly—and that’s the problem.
He could tell you. He could say all the things running laps in his head. That he’s thought about this before. That he was hoping you’d ask. That maybe he’s been waiting for a moment like this and didn’t even know it.
Or he could show you.
But somehow, neither feels like enough on its own.
So he says, “Fuck it,” under his breath. And does both.
He turns slightly in his seat, eyes still on you, voice low but easy. “Okay… so let’s say we just got back from a date.”
You blink at him, confused—but not pulling away.
He continues, heart thudding loud in his chest. “Dinner was good. You made fun of me for ordering something boring. I made fun of you for putting hot sauce on literally everything.”
Your lip quirks, but you’re still watching him.
“We drove around a little afterward. Listened to that mixtape you won’t admit you made for me. Pulled up to the lake just to sit for a second. And now…”
He reaches up slowly, brushing a piece of hair from your cheek, letting his fingers linger there just a beat longer than necessary.
“… for the record, I’d probably be walking you to your door. No Lover’s Lake on the first date. Usually. But seeing as we’re already here, in my car, I’ll have to improvise.”
His voice dips, softer now. More real. “I’d lean in. Not too fast.”
He does.
“I’d wait to see if you moved. If you got shy or said you were tired or—”
You don’t move. Not away from him, anyway.
“And then I’d ask…” He’s just a breath away now. His nose nearly brushing yours. “Is this okay?”
You don’t say anything. You don’t need to. Your eyes flutter closed. And that’s when he knows.
He kisses you. Slow. Sweet. No pressure. No rush. Just the press of his lips against yours, careful and warm and way too full of everything he’s been trying not to feel for months.
When he pulls away, your eyes are wide. Searching his face.
He sees the doubt flicker across your face—just for a second. Like you’re trying to catalog every part of it, weigh it against the idea that maybe you’re not enough. That maybe you’ll mess it up.
He hates that.
Because you didn’t. You don’t.
He gives you the softest smile he can manage, one that only barely masks how wrecked he feels by the fact that you let him kiss you at all. “You’re not bad at it,” he says quietly. “Not even close.”
You blink. Eyes wide. Lips parted.
He leans in again, closer now, until his breath fans warm across your cheek.
“Okay,” he murmurs, a low grin tugging at his mouth, “so this is what we in the biz call the… advanced coursework.”
You start to roll your eyes—classic, a callback—but then his mouth is back on yours before you can finish the motion.
This time, it’s not hesitant.
It’s intentional.
His hand slides up, fingers curling gently along your jaw as he kisses you again—just lips, for now. Soft, sure, grounding. He doesn’t rush. Doesn’t crowd you. He kisses you like he’s got nowhere else to be. Like he’s done pretending he doesn’t want this.
Then he pulls back just enough to speak against your mouth, voice barely a whisper. “Okay, now part your lips.”
You do.
“Good,” he breathes. “Now let me—” His nose brushes yours as he leans in again. “—show you what it’s supposed to feel like.”
His lips find yours again, slower this time. He tilts his head slightly, deepening the angle. You feel the difference immediately—it’s heavier. Hungrier. Still soft, but anchored in something that makes your stomach flip.
Then his tongue nudges gently at your bottom lip. Not demanding—just asking.
You let him in.
He exhales softly against you when you do, and his tongue brushes yours—just once. Light and careful. Then again, with more intent. He coaxes rather than takes, matching your pace, letting you get used to the rhythm.
He pulls back slightly, just enough to speak again, breath hot against your skin. “Relax your jaw. Don’t overthink it. Just… follow me.”
And then he kisses you deeper. His tongue strokes against yours, slow and unhurried, as if he’s teaching your body what it’s supposed to remember. His hand at your jaw tilts your face gently toward him, guiding. His other hand steadies himself on the center console, but it brushes your thigh as he shifts—just barely, but it sends a shiver straight up your spine.
You breathe in like you’ve been underwater.
When he finally pulls away, it’s gradual. He lingers. Like he doesn’t want to stop, like he wants you to feel every second of the space that’s suddenly between you again.
You’re both a little breathless.
Both flushed, blinking like you forgot where you were.
And Steve?
He just smiles.
That same soft, slightly stunned smile that says finally.
GUYS I REALLY WANT TO DO A PART TWO TO THIS. would that be something you'd like...?
#steve harrington#no use of y/n#steve harrington fluff#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington fanfic#best friends to lovers#friends to lovers#bestfriend!steve#stranger things fic#stranger things#stranger things fanfic#x reader#fic request#first kiss
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hi could u give me an intro to xlov? i’m a baby evol and i’m still navigating… like who are lavenderz?? i need to know the fandom inside jokes and etc lol
hi anon!
ok so, i'm also lowkey a babyvol too considering i only really got sucked in this comeback, so there's a ton of debut era content that i'm still disocvering now.
but, i was on the peripherals of the fandom for a little while before delving in, so, i'll do my best to give you a little intro to the group. this will get long......i tend to ramble, and will probably go on a tangent so, sorry in advance!
oh, and i'll also link a fun little video for you too here.
ok so!

first thing you need to know, is that they're pretty much a self-made group.
i don't know the detailed ins & outs of it, but basically, wumuti (leader & oldest member, our motheeerrrr) was on boys planet, where he met rui & haru - he was eliminated, but after, joined a production company. muti said, he'd had an idea for a boy group for a long time, with a unique genderless concept, but, didn't have the means, or the right people to make it a reality.
buuut, when he joined 257 entertainment, they trusted his vision, soooo, he basically like gathered up the cuntiest, most talented divas he knew (rui & haru, who he met on boys planet, and hyun who'd known for a while from being trainees in another company) and formed xlov.
they debuted january this year, so are incredibly new but damn, they've been working their asses off ever since!
they are literally, doing so much themselves.
wumuti produces a lot, writes lyrics, he's also in charge of styling and make-up. (if you haven't already, you should watch wumuti's make-up tutorials!) he is an incredibly hands-on and supportive leader when it comes to that side of things - their recent recording behind shows it really well.
he knows the strengths of each member, and how best to enhance their skills. he's also super encouraging and comforting (can you tell he's my bias lol). even down to little details, like the members nail looks for 1&only. rui has his talons full of gems and deco, haru tends to have bright colours and cutesy art, and hyun just has his painted with simpler art, as opposed to long nails, because that's what they all prefer!
it genuinely kinda makes me emotional tbh....
they have input on their choreos, create some of them, and even run/decide what goes on ther official social media accounts themselves. wumuti says he's in charge of insta, rui & haru tiktok & hyun b.stage.
all this allows them to express the concept in their own unique way, and just, allows them to be themselves, it's so so refreshing, and the members thrive under that kind of environment.
they just keep getting better & better.
but yes sorry! got ahead of myself a little
in regards to lavenderz, that's rui & hyun's duo name - because their colour (rui 🩷 & hyun 💙) make the lavender colour~ (wumuti's colour is ❤️ & haru's is 💛) there are quite a few jokes and memes that just refer to their colours, so that could be confusing as a baby evol.
also their emoji's god, i forgot about them - wumuti 🐰, rui 🦋 (rui will usually have a butterfly motif somwhere when it comes to stage fits), hyun 🐵, haru 🦊
a quick guide to the duo names, because they get used a lot in the fandom
lavenderz - rui & haru
barbiez - rui & wumuti
hyunmuti - wumuti & hyun
saruharuz - hyun & haru
uharuz - haru & wumuti (though haru refers to them as mother & son lol)
ruruz - rui & haru (again haru calls rui his big sister)
also, you might know this already, but members ages and official positions.
wumuti - leader/producer, turning 26 tomorrow!
rui - all rounder, 24
hyun - n/a, 22
haru - maknae, 19
their 'official' positions are funny because they basically do it all.
when it comes to memes and inside jokes, it genuinely so hard to keep up lol - stuff sprouts up every day, because the members do so much fan interaction, and just, there's so much content right now. i literally live in the evolville community on twt and i still miss stuff.
alot of them come from interactions with members during fanmeets/signs/calls.
as a new group, xlov are absolutely nailing it in regards to fan interaction. they so funny, sweet, open, and encouraging when talking to fans. they discuss what concepts they like to try, compliment fans nail art, tattoos, make-up and fits!
they do fun challenges, and so so many amazing covers too, oh ny god, check some of them out anon.
besides pics of them just being cunty af, their covers is how i started getting into them in the first place.
they have said they're on twitter too, so they're actually in on a lot of the fandom memes, and see everything lol. also, you can tell they have a genuine love of kpop and music as a whole. they talk a lot about their music influences and inspirations.
rui is a big girl group stan - a fan recently gifted him katseye album to unbox, and he was soooo excited <3
another thing, is that all the members are from different places! hyun is korean, haru, japanese, rui is taiwanese and wumuti is from china, but, more specifically the ürum region in xinjiang, which makes him ethnically uyghur, which is very important to him, and something he talks about a lot.
they're all fluent in multiple languages too, it's crazy. muti said he learnt korean in 3 months???
it feels like they're on a massive upward trajectory atm. every other day an xlov tweet goes viral. wether it's rui teaching a fan how to twerk at a fansign, haru absolutely killing it covering move by taemin, hyun's amazingly expressive recations during fancalls, or muti's absolutely transcedant levels of MOTHERING.
or just people just discivering their music organically and realising how good it is!
then boom, a new evol is born.
they keep gaining fans, and i am so proud. like i've only really had xlov for a couple of months at this point, but i'm gonna be here for a while, i know it.
lmaoooo this wasn't so much an intro but more me gushing about them??? and there's probably a ton of stuff i've forgotten....but i hope this was somewhat helpful to you! ❤️🔥
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BAD DESIRE - Chapter 3

summary: Just when Bad Omens loses their bassist due to health issues, Noah receives an audition tape that feels almost like an angel sent from heaven to save the production of their second album. However, even though it solves the problem of losing a member, Noah finds himself having a hard time concentrating when his newfound angel stands so close to him all the time.
Chapter warnings: nothing, just fluff
masterlist
You woke up late that day, wanting to get as much rest as you could. You wanted nothing more than just a lazy day watching Netflix and eating popcorn.
But life had another plans.
Your phone buzzed with a new message just as you finished brushing your teeth. It was from the band’s group chat.
Noah Sebastian BO [10:32 AM]:
Day off at mine. Pool, BBQ, all that.
Noah Sebastian BO [10:35 AM]:
@Y/N you should come and spend some time with us today, we can talk about the new album and you can properly meet part of our crew.
Your heart thumped a little too hard in your chest when his name popped up. You quickly typed out a simple “Got it, thanks” before tossing your phone onto the bed and scrambling to find something to wear.
You weren’t sure why Noah was inviting you over, despite the album conversation and the “meet the crew” thing. After all, it was a day off, they were just having fun between actual friends. Maybe he just wanted you to fit in and not feel weird or left out, like just another co-worker… right? Despite the soft way he’d looked at you before, the quiet little moments that lingered longer than they should have, he was probably just being nice.
He was probably just afraid you would step back.
You grabbed your phone again and texted Crystal, who insisted on calling him “demon boy” because of his screams on stage, his height, and his tattoos.
You were sure she would get her hopes high about something happening the second you texted her. She always teased you about it and dreamed about Noah noticing you, claiming in the most excited voice ever, “Come on, I’m like a super powerful psychic. If I say something’s happening, you should believe me.”
But at the very least, she could help you decide what to wear.
Crystal [10:43 AM]:
Idk, maybe something cute? A sundress to make demon boy lose it?
You couldn’t help but chuckle and roll your eyes at her words. She really had the audacity.
But you chose your best sundress after being quickly convinced because of the “pool” part, even if you weren’t planning on getting in. The snake tattoo on your arm would be showing for the first time around them, since you always wore long sleeves while in public because of the weather.
And as the sun decided to visit your city again, you wanted to try something different.
Crystal offered to give you a ride to Noah’s place, rambling about how proud she was of you finally fulfilling your dream. And obviously hoping you’d get a new hot lead vocalist as a boyfriend.
You could only roll your eyes at every teasing word.
“C’mon, he’s handsome,” she said, her gaze flickering between the road and you before fixing back on the road ahead. “And he seems single, so why not?”
“Maybe because sleeping with your boss is a terrible idea,” you said matter-of-factly, chuckling at her funny face as she clearly disagreed.
“Anyway, I’m happy I get to give my best friend a ride to her band’s BBQ,” she said with a bright smile, swaying her head side to side as she did a little victory dance in her seat. “When you guys get really big, don’t forget about me.”
You couldn’t help but watch her with quiet admiration, her happiness and excitement filling the car.
Crystal had been through so much.
A tough life, a sad backstory of bouncing through foster homes until she finally landed with your neighbors. She’d been with you since she was eleven, bullied at school for not having parents and left out by the popular kids, and you were the one who had always protected her as fiercely as you could.
But looking at her now, glowing with confidence and smiling like she had the whole world ahead of her, your chest tightened with love and admiration.
She really was the prettiest woman you had ever seen.
And you hoped she would be by your side through every moment of your new rockstar life.
“I will never forget you,” you said softly, trying to keep your voice from shaking with emotion. “You’re my eternal best friend. You’re stuck with me.”
She smiled at you before looking back at the road.
She knew you meant it with all your heart, that you two belonged together as sisters.
And as a sister, she wanted you to be happy, hoping you’d find love soon.
A few minutes later, Crystal pulled up to Noah and Jolly’s place, barely able to hide her excitement as she parked.
“If you don’t at least get him to do something gentle like… I don’t know, give you a plate or something, I’ll disown you,” she teased, lightly shoving your shoulder. “Or maybe get Ruffilo’s phone number for your bestie.”
“Shut up,” you laughed, adjusting the strap of your bass case over your shoulder as you climbed out of her car. “Ruffilo has a girlfriend, but I can try Jolly’s.”
“Another hot guitarist? It’s a win,” she teased, wiggling her eyebrows. “Text me when you’re done here so I can come pick you up,” she said, rolling down the window as you shut the door with a laugh.
“Fine,” you replied, waving at her with a small smile “Text me when you get home.”
She only winked before driving off, leaving you standing there alone in front of Noah and Jolly’s house. It was big, in a cool area of LA, and you felt nervous stepping into their little bubble without it being totally work-related.
Your heart did little flips in your chest, your hands sweaty as you gripped the strap of your bass case, trying to hold yourself together. You took a steadying breath and walked up to the front door, but before you could even knock, it swung open.
“Hey, Y/N!” Folio greeted you happily. “Come on in and make yourself at home, they’re in the backyard. I’m just grabbing more beers.”
He spoke casually, leaving the door open for you as you stepped in shyly.
The house was cozy, warm despite its minimalist decor. Guitars lined the living room walls, amps and scattered cables filling corners alongside potted plants and band memorabilia. You could hear Ruffilo and Jolly’s voices from outside, mingled with Noah’s laughter and the sizzling sound of something on the grill.
“Hey, Y/N,” Noah greeted casually as you approached the backyard after setting your bass next to the couch. He wore black athletic shorts and an oversized Bad Omens tee, his damp hair pushed back from his face like he had just showered. He was flipping burgers with a beer in his free hand. “You’re meeting new people today. I mean, you saw them at our show, but you didn’t really get introduced. Things happened too fast.”
You smiled, waving shyly as you looked at the different guys standing there, your nose instantly hit by the smell of grilled meat.
Your stomach growled embarrassingly loud at the scent, and his lips curled into a quiet chuckle.
He had to notice. Of course he would notice, for your embarrassment.
“Hungry?” he asked, glancing over his shoulder at you with the smallest smirk.
You nodded quietly. “A little,” you admitted shyly.
“Come say hi to your brothers,” Ruffilo cheered as soon as you stepped onto the grass. He wore swim trunks covered in little rubber duck patterns, sunglasses pushed up onto his head as he helped Noah with the burgers. “And to your new brothers.”
You felt heat rise to your cheeks at the word.
Brothers. Family.
It sent a warmth through your chest you hadn’t felt in a long time. Were they really letting you into this little family?
“Hey,” Jolly greeted softly, holding out a fist for you to bump. He sat cross-legged on a pool chair, notebook balanced on his knee as he scribbled down lyrics, sunglasses hiding his eyes. “That one is Matt, our tour director and mixing engineer. You saw him running around backstage, worried about everything and yelling,” he introduced, pointing to the blonde long-haired guy wearing a black cap.
Matt shouted “HEY” in protest, but Jolly just chuckled and ignored him.
“Those three dumbasses over there are Bryan, our photographer, Davis, our creative director, and Jesse, from ERRA,” he continued. “Jesse lives with us. The other two who split the place aren’t home right now, Orie and Michael.”
You nodded, smiling and waving at each of them as they greeted you back.
“Sit down,” Noah ordered gently, nodding towards the shaded table where a few beers and soda cans sat in an ice bucket. “Relax.”
You sank into a chair, taking a moment to watch them all. This was quickly becoming your favorite version of them: not on stage, not rehearsing, but just existing. Laughing, teasing, letting the world slip away for a while, just being with their friends as normal people.
“Here,” Noah said suddenly, placing a cold soda can in front of you before sitting down at your side. You hadn’t even noticed him switch places with Jolly; now he was flipping burgers along with Matt. “So… first week with us. Tour, rehearsals, plans for a new album, everything. Thoughts?”
You blinked, trying to process his words, surprised by his question. “Uh… amazing,” you said, biting your lip nervously. “Overwhelming, but in a good way.”
He nodded slowly, looking away from you and staring at his can. “Good. That’s… good.”
“Dude,” Folio interrupted as he came back from the grocery store, tossing a bag of beers onto the table. “She kicked ass on stage. Even the fans who were being assholes at first shut up by the third song.”
Noah didn’t respond, but you saw the smallest twitch of a smile on his lips before he hid it behind a sip of his beer.
After lunch, and after they teased you for eating three burgers, you all moved to the living room.
Ruffilo, Matt, and Folio set up a Mario Kart tournament on the giant TV while Jolly scribbled more lyrics in his notebook, humming under his breath. Davis, Noah, Bryan, and Jesse kept chatting about ERRA’s plans.
“Wanna play?” Folio asked, handing you a controller.
You hesitated. “I suck at Mario Kart, really.”
“Even better,” Jolly teased, grinning lazily. “Easier win for me.”
The next hour was filled with curses, laughter, and Folio’s dramatic wails every time someone knocked him off Rainbow Road.
You lost every round, but the sting of it faded with how much they teased you like they’d known you forever. You felt included.
Eventually, Noah disappeared into the kitchen.
You watched him for a moment before handing your controller back to Folio and following him, finding him leaning against the counter, scrolling on his phone quietly.
“Need help with anything?” you asked softly. You didn’t even know why you followed him… you just felt the pull. And now, standing in front of him as he scrolled through his phone doing nothing, but looking incredibly handsome, you felt pathetic.
He glanced up, surprised. “No. Just… needed a second,” he admitted, rubbing his thumb across his forehead dramatically. “They’re a lot sometimes.”
You smiled, playing with your hands to keep yourself from looking too nervous. “They’re… good people.”
“Yeah,” he murmured, his eyes flicking up to meet yours. “They are.”
Silence fell between you, comfortable but charged with something you couldn’t name.
You looked away first, clearing your throat as you busied yourself with rearranging the cans in the fridge.
“Hey,” he said after a moment. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For… fitting in. For trying,” he said simply, shrugging one shoulder. “Not everyone would. Not everyone can, actually, and you did amazingly well.”
Your chest warmed a little at his words.
You turned to him, meeting his gaze with a small, grateful smile, almost letting a can slip.
“I’m not trying,” you said quietly, finishing stocking the cans. “I just want to be here.”
Something shifted in his eyes, softening into an expression you hadn’t seen before. One that made your pulse stutter and your breath catch with how intense his pretty boba eyes were.
Dammit, I shouldn’t be noticing this, you scolded yourself.
“Yeah,” he said softly, looking away with a slight smile. “Yeah. I know.”
The silence fell again before he opened his mouth again, leaving the kitchen right after to reunite with his friends at the living room.
“Nice tattoo” he said motioning to your arm.
You smiled quietly, looking at your own arm with a warm expression. “Thank you,” you muttered.
When you finally texted Crystal to come get you and left his house that evening , totally sunburned, tired, but still glowing with quiet happiness, Noah walked you out to Crystal’s car.
“See you tomorrow,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets as he watched you climb in.
“See you,” you echoed, waving as Crystal pulled away from the curb.
She waited until you were a block away before squealing, shaking your arm as she stopped at a red light. “OH MY GOD,” she shouted, almost fangirl-like. “Was that Noah Sebastian walking you out?! Girl, tell me everything right now.”
But you just leaned back against the seat, staring out at the summer sky with a small smile. You shook your head, exhaling softly. “Tomorrow.”
Everything could wait until tomorrow.
For now, all you wanted to do was replay every second of today in your mind, memorizing how it felt to be part of something real.
#noah sebastian#noah sebastian x reader#noah sebastian fluff#bad desire#noah sebastian fic#bad omens x reader
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Clueless
Paul x GN! Reader
A/n: I love him your honor.
Word count: 1.6k
Warning: tooth-rotting fluff, Paul being a bit dense
Coming to terms with your feelings, the boys playing matchmaker, ice cream and general chaos.
Previous part I Next part
To say that your life has become increasingly complicated would be an understatement. And that was mostly due to David and his smug face. Ever since that night on the beach, he has been a constant pain in the butt. Giving you teasing glances when you so much as looked at Paul, making little comments that seemed innocent to everyone but you – at first at least – and doing everything he could to get you and Paul alone. David was everywhere, always watching, always with that little smirk. Sometimes you really wanted to smack him.
And if things couldn't have been worse, Dwayne and Marko started catching on to what was going on. Marko joined David with the stares, wiggling his eyebrows at you over Paul's shoulder when you were talking to him, dropping double meanings left and right, and just being an absolute gremlin in general. Dwayne has been more subtle, but it was grinding your gears anyway.
Ever since you've realized your feelings for Paul, it was like you couldn't control yourself. You've been spacing out staring at him, either completely clamming up or rambling horribly when he asked you anything, sending him heart-eyes while listening to him when he got into one of his chatty moods. Though that last one might have been just another example of Marko's teasing.
You were also falling over yourself, to everyone else's entertainment. When Paul strolled into the main area of the cave one night half naked, babbling about not finding his favourite shirt, you all but fell off the couch. When he moved on to ask Marko, you caught Dwayne side-eyeing you. Your face grew hot from embarrassment.
"Don't even say it," you barked at him with no real malice in your words.
He held up his hands in surrender, but the amused smirk on his face and the laughter in his eyes told you everything you needed to know.
You knew the boys only wanted what was best for you, but god did they make in exhausting. They've been playing matchmaker for weeks, trying to get you alone with Paul so you could confess, but there were just a few problems with that.
First and foremost, you were a coward. You had no problem with tearing people apart, and you've been part of a good few fights alongside them. But when it came to being vulnerable and telling Paul you've hopelessly fallen in love with him, you just couldn't do it.
Another setback was the fact that Paul was completely and utterly clueless. With all the teasing the boys have been subtly or not so subtly doing, any other person would have already caught on by now. Not Paul though. He could be surprisingly perceptive for someone who was high most of the time, but it seemed like he was blind to everything going on.
And this meant that it was up to you to make him aware of your feelings, no matter how nervous you got or how many knots your stomach twisted itself into.
Paul has been whining about ice cream ever since he woke up. The man had an insatiable hunger for sweets, and he usually made it everyone's problem, just like he did tonight. By the time you arrived to the Boardwalk – you riding with Marko, because you much rather dealt with his smug grin than the nervous flutters you got when you were close to Paul –, you were about ready to steal a whole ice cream truck just to shut him up.
So when you caught David's eyes and the slowly growing grin on his face, you knew you were in trouble.
"Hey, Paul. Why don't you take this one with you to get some ice cream?" His hand that came down on your shoulder gave it a purposeful little squeeze, making it clear that there's no point in trying to back out.
You wanted to scream. Then Paul turned to you, his whole face lighting up with a bright smile, grabbing your hand excitedly.
"You want ice cream too?"
To be honest, you didn't really care about sweets all that much. But how could you say no when he looked at you like that?
"Sure," you smiled back at him shyly, and if that was possible, he became even more ecstatic.
"Let's go!" he hollered, and without ever letting go of your hand, he dragged you with him.
Looking back, you caught the boys giving you thumbs ups. You just rolled your eyes at them.
Moving through the crowd, you were all too aware of the feeling of his fingers wrapped around your hand, the cold smoothness of his palm against yours, as well as the little glances he kept throwing at you over his shoulder as he kept pulling you along, a small smile playing on his lips. He looked like a dream under the colorful lights around you, the buzz of the boardwalk seemingly invigorating him even further. He was in his element here.
You were all too aware of the nervous warmth growing in your chest at the sight of him as well.
When you finally reached the ice cream shop, the few minutes you had to wait in line were a challenge. Paul kept bouncing next to you in excitement, and your heart felt like it would burst out of your ribcage at how adorable it was.
Arriving in front of the counter, he basically pressed his face against the glass of the display case, getting hyped up over each flavour, even having a little debate with himself about which one to choose.
He finally turned to you, looking very much lost.
"There's too many!”
You chuckled at his antics and stepped up to the display, looking through all the colorful tubs of ice cream.
“Which one are you getting?” he asked curiously.
You hummed, thinking over your options before pointing your finger at one in the corner.
“That one.”
“Ooooh, it looks yummy!” he exclaimed, then got immediately distracted by another one. “Wait, that looks good too!”
While he got into another round of argument with himself, you went over to the attendant behind the counter. He didn’t look older than 16, and he’s been watching the two of you like you were the most entertaining thing he’s seen all day.
You gave him your order, and a minute later he handed you your cup of ice cream. Then he leaned on the counter, resting his face in his hand and sent a glance towards Paul.
“And what can I get for your boyfriend?” he asked.
You all but short circuited, and in the few seconds it took your brain to reboot itself, an amused little smile grew on the boy’s face.
“We’re not together like that,” you manage to blurt out. “Just close friends.”
That’s the moment Paul chose to saunter over and throw his arm around your shoulder.
“Yeah, man, they’re like, one of my best friends,” he beamed, looking down at you.
You had no idea how much he heard, but the fact that he caught the word ‘friend’ and decided to declare to this random person how much you meant to him was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you. Now with both of their attention on you – not to mention that you were practically all up against Paul’s side – your face started to grow hot. And when you looked back at Paul, realizing how close his lips were, you felt ready to combust.
“Y-yeah, that’s right. So which flavour do you want, Paulie?”
It was like he suddenly realized why you were here in the first place, and he turned to the kid, telling him his order.
You thanked whoever listened that Paul was easy to distract, and as he took his hand off you to receive his cup, you felt like you could finally breathe again. But the aggressive fluttering in your stomach did not subside. And when Paul turned to you with his ice cream in hand, glowing with happiness, you couldn’t help the fond little smile that formed on your lips.
“Ready to go, Paulie?” you asked cheerfully.
“Hell yeah,” he grinned back at you.
After handing the kid the cash, you made you way to the door. Before you could reach it however, he yelled after you.
“You know man, I think your friend is real sweet on you!”
You whipped around, and felt compelled to smack the shit eating grin off his face. You were about to open your mouth to protest again, but decided against it. Instead, you peered at Paul from the corner of your eye, holding your breath, waiting for his reaction.
He looked at the guy for a second, then an easy smile spread across his lips.
“Yeah, they’re real sweet, aren’t they? Couldn’t have asked for a better friend.”
The kid’s smile faltered, and you let out a disappointed little sigh.
You couldn’t deny that it stung, it really did. But as you followed Paul out of the shop and started making your way back to the boys, him bouncing next to you while stuffing his face with ice cream, sending you giddy smiles as you chatted, you had a thought. For now, this was enough. You were content with spending time with him, being this close to him, and seeing him genuinely happy to be in your company. Taking the next step was a problem for another day.
At least for tonight, this was enough.
Extra:
Ever since that night, Paul has seemed to take it into his head that you secretly liked sweets. So he keeps giving you candy from his never ending stash that he carries around in his pockets. And even though you couldn’t care less about them, you keep accepting it. Cause how can you not? He’s too precious to say not to.
Tags: @stinkydove @pandemoniavenus @000-colby @lunarwhitewolf7 @notalwaysa @binightowl @darlingnikkisixxxx @skrimblo-blumpkgo @wpdarlingpan @gibzzsworld @thelostboysforeva @vxncevis @thelostsimp @sireanmagne @acotar-lover @unwhollywater @fanofgunsnroses @thatsnotmyname2324 @readingnerd9999 @xxmusic13luverxx @perpetualyscarred @smileykiddie08
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i am making my own ii human names list, but very slowly, because i am pedantic. also, i will not be counting mephone creating them as canon. ive had these ethnicity and family hcs for ages, and i will base my names on them. now, here are the two most important names.
OJ: Olivier-Jean "OJ" Jacques Silveira. my oj interpretation/gijinka is brazilian (paternal side) and ivorian (maternal side). his last name comes from his father and is brazilian portuguese. his first name and middle name were given by his mother, as many people in côte d'ivoire speak french (french colonization —> it's the official language now but there's MANY others accompanying it). a lot of people who speak french like to use "jean" in hyphenated names (trust me ive met a bajillion of them), so i included it. i think his name sounds quite classy.
oj was born and raised in america, speaking english at school and french at home. as well as some portuguese, but he never actually learned it. i think he would become quite pissy when kids at school would pronounce his name incorrectly (Olivier-Jean is... very not intuitive to english speakers. i believe they would say it like Oliver-Jeen) so they ended up using oj as shorthand. and he was fine with that, so it stuck. but at home he's Olivier and Olivier-Jean. he tells new people he meets to call him oj just because it's consistent and because he doesn't like the sound of his real name being mispronounced. coming from someone who constantly gets her real names mispronounced.
Paper: Paige Hsu (foreign name) and 许佩妍 / Xǔ Pèiyán (original name). my paper interpretation/gijinka is han taiwanese, so fully of han chinese descent. more specifically, hoklo (chosen because i hc he can speak mandarin AND hokkien). his family immigrated to taiwan from fujian (province in china with hoklo ancestry) post ww2. Xǔ is a particularly common surname in fujian, so i chose it for him. be gentle with me if i messed up with his given name LOL i know much less about chinese than french (but DO inform me if you know more about it and spot any mistakes!). Pèiyán means, in a way, beautiful garment. to wear something beautiful. to be adorned. etc. it's partially based on trying to make it seem a bit like the name "Paige", partially based on what i think his mother might name him (no real hopes or dreams for him so it's a little shallow), partially based on him as i know him (focused on presenting himself). it's also, as far as i know, a name mostly used for women. note that my interpretation of paper is usually a trans man.
now, Paige is unisex, it sounds like page, and it's a loved one of mine's favourite name for him, so i like it. i also think it makes sense for when he immigrated to canada with his mother as something they chose, and something he can still keep (being conveniently unisex). Hsu is one of the taiwanese romanizations for Xǔ. im not sure if he'd take on oj's last name. perhaps he'd hyphenate them. he's not particularly attached to his family, but Paige Hsu is quite a pretty name.
bonus: nickel is named Nikola Stević. this one was easy because my interpretation of nickel is kosovar serb. last names come from the father but the exact practice of it is a bit outdated so Stević is likely from his grandfather or great-grandfather (unless im misremembering how it works). i don't like the name Nicholas his name is Nikola. Nicholas sounds like a sweet little boy Nikola sounds like a menace. i see Nicholas everywhere start calling your nickel Nikola
#juice.txt#juice ramble#oj ii#paper ii#ii oj#ii paper#payjay#nickel ii#ii nickel#i love various cultures and naming conventions ❤️#to be clear paper immigrated from taiwan (maybe around 10 ish? 12? not sure) to canada#then moved to america for inanimate insanity (expenses covered by mephone because he just Can do that)#i have a lot of characters that are canadian btw its not just paper alone#but oj has only ever lived in america#nickel lived in kosovo as a child and im still figuring out if he had a stop in canada or not#because i wanna determine for how long he's been friends with baseball#trust me im fucking insane about these things i will go all the way#anyway if you see an error with paper's name TELL ME#i tried my best to make sure the name existed and have found people named exactly that (许佩妍)#but one can never be too sure#olivier-jean im not worried about. id totally meet a dude called olivier-jean. mind you i actually speak french though lmao#french speakers looooove hyphenating jean in their names#also oj is a lot more mixed than just ivorian and brazilian but that's the most 'known' ethnicities he has#forgot to mention this in the tags earlier but baseball is born and raised canadian its just such an ingrained hc i forget its not canon LOL#ii is set in america mephone is just crazy and sponsors everyones immigration because he can do a lot of magical insane things
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I genuinely think the only people even slightly surprised by Caterina naming Lucanis as her heir were Illario and Lucanis. Lucanis from what we see and hear is more skilled (or at least puts in more visible effort, and at the level these two are aiming for not being seen to make an effort isn't all that much better than being seen as incompetent; the First Talon has actual work to do, it's not a figurehead position that can just be filled by a pretty face and a silver tongue), better respected (and no, there's no actual evidence that that's because of anyone sabotaging Illario's reputation or the Crows looking down on people using seduction; I think the Crows just generally value action over words), and just in every way except maybe charm seems to be the better choice out of the two of them. There's a reason why Wigmaker Job, which sets up this conflict, also shows Lucanis doing the planning and prep work (including finding secret ways through the city and making allies with useful skills and knowledge—hey, what was that about Illario being "the charming one"...? This combined with Lucanis seeming to be better liked and respected among the Crows really does feel to me like Illario's better at superficial charm used on strangers or acquaintances while Lucanis is better at winning a level of loyalty and trust from proper allies, the latter of which is more useful for a leader—to help him get close to the target) and thinking of the future (see things like him paying off the innkeeper who likely leaked their location so she and anyone she tells about this will be more likely to back the Crows over the Venatori in the future, a point that Illario didn't think of) and handling the vast majority of the killing and dealing with the abominations after while Illario mostly complains and follows Lucanis's orders! I genuinely don't see how anyone comes away from that story (which is the only direct comparison of the two of them at work that we get and so all we really have to go on regarding their individual skills as Crows) thinking Illario's the better choice! Gang please, don't read a book from a series known for Books That Lie To You (well in-universe book excerpts mostly, the codex lying to you my beloved, but you know what I mean) and come away just assuming that the things the characters say out loud are the truth over what their actions show. Lucanis having a heart emphatically is not a dealbreaker for him being the better choice for Talon (see: Teia, and also the dialogue between her and Viago after the servants are killed in Eight Little Talons which makes it clear that a given Crow's opinions on collateral damage and level of effort to avoid it are generally considered a matter of personal taste rather than something to really be judged) and... yeah, keeping that in mind there really isn't anything suggesting Illario would be the better choice.
Lucanis isn't perfect and Caterina absolutely should be training him specifically as First Talon (it's also entirely possible there are better options elsewhere in House Dellamorte that she isn't considering because of the nepotism angle), but he is better than Illario. In fact I firmly believe that Illario only had any reason to believe he was even being considered for First Talon because... he's Caterina's grandson and she's favouring her own family over unrelated Crows. But that's what makes me want to dissect him in a lab, because he's aware that favouritism is playing a part in the selection process—note that I'm not saying Caterina doesn't prefer Lucanis, just that he is objectively the better choice outside of that; sometimes the favourite legitimately is the better option—but doesn't seem to have any awareness that he is... also benefiting from that. And quite possibly benefiting more than Lucanis is! There's just something so tasty in Illario complaining about the thing that is also as far as we see the only thing putting him in the running, and that's assuming he was in the running and isn't just... assuming Caterina would favour him as her grandson.
#dragon age veilguard#i think people (including illario!) get so caught up in underdog stories that they sometimes forget:#sometimes the underdog is the underdog because they simply are not as good#COULD illario be just as good as lucanis? quite possibly. IS he? no#is he TRYING to be? honestly to me it doesn't look like it#he's either legitimately not as good as lucanis or he's not trying and either way he's not getting the job over lucanis#even if he just needs encouragement to be just as good as lucanis caterina's not going to name a weak leader heir#just because he MIGHT prove to be good at it at some point in the future with significantly more work than lucanis needs at this point#it's not actually just a sign of her favour y'know! it's a job! where they'll have to do work!#if she has no reason to think illario is the better choice NOW she's not going to name him her heir!#(also seriously the whole thing is such a dramatic reaction to lucanis being named HEIR. dude you know she can change her mind right)#(you do in fact still have a chance to prove you're the better choice WITHOUT making lucanis refuse it out of hand or killing him)#i find the discussion of their dynamic much more interesting when illario isn't treated as a poor victim of caterina's favouritism too#like have we considered that based on what we actually see (not just what illario says) lucanis does in fact seem to be better#the question of how much of it is caterina's favouritism making lucanis better vs lucanis being favoured because he's better is to me#so much more engaging than either 'poor illario would be the best ever if only caterina didn't unfairly favour lucanis'#or the flip side of 'clearly illario is just the absolute worst at everything' (which tbh is an insult to BOTH cousins because#illario DOES have areas that he's legitimately better in and lucanis doesn't need him to be incompetent to be the better choice)#maybe i'm just annoyed about people insisting illario would be the better choice based... pretty much solely on him SAYING he would be#gang do we maybe think the guy working with the venatori is lying to himself to avoid admitting how badly he's fucked up#do we think maybe illario doesn't want to acknowledge that he's made a huge mistake and so has to insist he's the right choice#lucanis also says illario would be the better choice but he's still objectively wrong and also loves his cousin like. a LOT#enough to not kill him for trying to have him MURDERED BY VENATORI#enough to refuse to acknowledge that illario had by far the best opportunity and motive to betray him until it's undeniable that it was him#i think maybe he's not the most unbiased source either?#i'm done rambling now. tl;dr lucanis is by all evidence the better choice for talon and the only people saying otherwise are very biased
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see, ppl can say what they want about the resi 3 remake, but the remake got Mikhail perfect. Also i actually really love weird Puppy Nemesis lmao
#GET OFF OF HIS TRAIN SHITBIRD#ilu grandpa you did your best#I think the remake is fine#there's parts of the original I miss a ton#and parts I am glad are gone#mostly I'm just confused by the rose colored glasses everyone remembers wrt a nemesis that doesn't exist#he was never a random stalker he always had scripted spawns and due to the ps1 limitations the “random” was down to two or three options#with that said re3 remake coming off the heels of re7 with pretty good stalkers like jack and margeurite#and then directly off the heels of re2 with one of the best programmed game stalkers i've ever seen#he's a letdown for sure#I loved the pre-release rumors saying nemesis would chase you into safe rooms#that should have been a real thing#Oh wow is it really time for our regularly scheduled resident evil obsessing??#I wanted to name Nikolai after Mikhail but mercury spatted me with a newspaper and told me I had too many M names#I have had this fondness for hero grandpa for a long time okay#anyway I know that absolutely no one follows me for resident evil so lmao ignore my rambling#it's fine though#because no matter if you follow me for solivaga or homestuck :)#I've fed you resident evil no matter what#what do you mean parts of the harley manor are inspired by the spencer mansion!?#HAHA GOT'EM#what do you mean there's a ton of resident evil refs in soli#RAT STRIKES AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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oh this is gonna be one hell of a week for me...
...and it's only Tuesday x-x
Today I just caught up with WuWa's main story, after starting the game for the first time in the last week of v2.3...
but then tomorrow HSR's v3.4 comes out, with the climax (I think?) of the Amphoreus arc and huge plot stuff happening...
...but then the following day WuWa's NEXT main story update releases (jfc the previous one left on such a cliffhanger so I'm glad I only have to wait a couple days for this one T_T)
so yeah. i've got a lot of story to get through this week lmao
#honestly w/ how much I've enjoyed WuWa's entire story up to and including this point...#this is probably gonna end up being an absolute peak sandwich#delicious bottom bun WuWa Septimont story part 1#middle juicy patty HSR 3.4 story#and tasty top bun WuWa Septimont story part 2#i don't know if my tear ducts are gonna make it through this week intact comrades ;_;#anyways I'll probably make a post soon summarizing my thoughts on WuWa's story once I get through the upcoming Act VI release and also—#—Ciaccona's event story since i didn't do that before I did Act V lol#but yeah so far WuWa has been kinda fucking amazing imo#by no means is it perfect but tbh the only issue I truly have with it is some of the fan-servicey aspects of designs#and even then it's mostly a few details regarding outfits like with cantarella#but so far I'm enjoying pretty much all parts of the story and the worldbuilding and the Rover is a pretty interesting MC#the harem-y aspect of the game is a bit expected given the gacha genre but it doesn't actually feel all that forced in most cases#i feel like rover's character works best under a very particular perspective; which is basically them as a sort of benevolent deity#like if we just think of Rover as “some random person that happens to be super good at everything” then yeah it's pretty cliche tbh#but if you keep in mind that Rover is literally like... tens of thousands of years old and has likely traveled all across Solaris-3 before—#—and that they've long been an active participant in the affairs of the world and have left a mark across countless eras of history...#...then honestly their skill and their openness to helping others feels very justified#like it's very easy for me to believe the Rover is a “larger than life” figure because they truly ARE when you consider that backstory#this is why I have a very odd belief (and which is probably the worst take i'll ever have in my life)#which is that I think that the Rover is the same sort of character as Elysia from Honkai Impact 3rd#The personality is pretty different and it doesn't take much to see that tbh#But it feels like the *ESSENCE* is the same. Like Rover seems to have the same sort of “love for all the world” that defines who Elysia is#Rover's ability to adapt to so many different situations mirrors that aspect of Ely as well#Rover does it by being old and experienced while Ely achieved it by being a miraculous being at birth (and tbh Rover could be that too)#what I'm trying to say is that if Elysia was tens of thousands of years old I can totally imagine her doing the exact same thing as Rover i#basically wiping her memory and traveling across the world and slowly regaining her power and memories while forging new bonds#it's such a fascinating idea to have a character who is essentially a god-like being but who still isn't powerful enough to defy the Lament#they've likely failed countless times (i.e. like in the original disaster of the Port City of Guixu) yet they persevere#i had more to say but i've hit the tumblr post tag limit x-x so stay tuned for more of my delusional rambling folks~ <3
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semi came out to someone for the first time last night
#chesschats#the engineering chronicles#in an extremely vague walk around way where we were talking about guys and she asked if i knew why i always reject them when i get asked#out and the last reason was me admitting after a distinct pause that i don’t know if i even like guys that way and they’re not exactly off#the table but it#wouldn’t be fair of me to agree to go out with them and then i don’t like them and i’ve just been playing with their feelings. although i#do kind of wish i had been less vague about it because really it’s more like i am 85% sure at this point in my life that i am not attracted#to men and if a guy asked me out and i Knew i did like him that way then i would probably agree to go on the date and revisit that#notion. but unless this unlikely scenario happens they Are in fact off the table not even just bc of the playing with their feelings thing#but because i just never want to. the only time a guy has ever asked me out and i have truly considered taking him up on the#offer was when it was one of my childhood best friends and i was like well maybe this could work because he was my childhood friend yk the#ideal candidate maybe over time the thought of being in a romantic relationship with him wouldn’t fill me with dread. and then i had to put#a stop to that because first of all would be incredibly shitty of me and second of all that would just not be healthy to myself with the#dread thing though im not sure i recognized that at the time lol#but back to the present.#so now it came across as more weelll who knows!! when that’s not really the attitude i have toward it#also didn’t mention girls at all but i don’t regret that part bc that’s still like. hm well. plus didn’t really want risk her viewing#me differently for that when the two of us spend sm time together + ik she’s religious. though to what i did say she was just like oh my#bad i shouldn’t have assumed very casual and we kept yapping for like another 30min so she probably would have taken it fine. but whatever#girls still aren’t a certainty but i do think if a girl asked me out i would be genuinely interested as opposed to the straight up anxiety#i get every time a guy starts showing so much as a hint of romantic interest in me let alone when he actually asks me out. but anyway#though honestly me saying i don’t know if i’m into guys that way very well may have had her defaulting to ‘oh so she likes girls that way’#since the aroace spectrum does not exist as a concept to most people (plus i did say guys not people). but moving on#this isn’t really much i didn’t say anything specific or certain but also every time someone has asked why i’m not interested#in dating someone it’s always been ohh well i don’t like him that way or i’m too busy for a relationship or whatever it’s never been i am#not interested In Men In Particular#and with her specifically i literally slept on her floor the night before (we’re lab partners in everything and stayed up too late working#on stuff lmao) so it was even more nerve wracking#even though like. i fr said nothing of substance but#idk. these tags turned into category 5 rambling my bad LOL
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it's amazing how almost all of my friendships (and by almost all i mean Every save like three) are ruined by my own self essentially swerving into a wall and crashing on purpose due to my inability to believe my company could ever be even slightly desirable to anyone and i'd rather just burn it all and die than see myself as someone who intrudes and abuses people's kindness out of my own selfish desire to want companionship.
#i was going to post something similar the other night but i fell asleep instead#but i was thinking about how truly all cases for me boil down to#>i talk with someone and we have a great time >they express a level of joy in interaction >i get weirdly attached too quickly#>i am comfortable enough to openly be myself which inevitably ends on a weird interaction >i talk too much and am too clingy#>i convince myself that that was actually awful and annoying and not something anybody wanted to hear#>i decide to leave and never be seen again because i don't want to be hated more than i already am in my head#>i am miserable because i really wanted to keep talking to that person#i just had a random two day-long chat with someone who messaged me and we had a good time talking about chainsaw man#and it truly took not much time for me to start going off about other shit until i noticed replies got so much shorter and alienated#and i just stopped altogether. because yeah man you're not here for this and you're probably too polite to tell me to go fuck myself so#i'll just do it for you.#and I KNOW that that's a me problem.#I KNOW that that's my own brain convincing itself that i am worse than i actually am in the eyes of others#and i am AWARE of how unfair that is to anyone else. it speaks to a clear lack of trust that is also my fault#but there's also a reality that i'm just. Not someone that people are particularly Excited to talk to#and i feel like i've wanted nothing more than that ever since i lost it when i was 15 years old#i am Tolerable at usual and a Cartoon Clown at best. and none of those serve as particularly deep connections.#and i know that that's once again a me problem. and i shouldn't ever place that expectation on anyone. that is not fair. and i try not to.#but like. is it bad for me to want that to begin with?#should i just abandon the idea altogether and accept that yeah i am just destined to be a crazy hermit murmuring ramblings by themselves#is that the Morally correct thing to do? to just be alone? that's for sure what it feels like to me#that yeah that's what my life is always going to be. no joy in connection or sharing. just an endless stream of thoughts by myself.#that way at least my life won't get in the way of anyone else's lives.#and like. i am always hoping that someone would make a deliberate attempt to reach out to me even if i'm hell bent on isolating myself.#because that would be a proof that someone cares enough you know? that I Am an active choice that someone makes.#but that never comes. and that's not something that would be fair for me to expect or ask for either. would it?#might as well hope for a unicorn while i'm at it.
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Lucy Chen is the love of Tim Bradford's life and Angela Lopez agrees!
#isca rambles#I'm still not over “that girl is the best thing that ever happened to you”#because not only is someone aside from Tim recognising how much Lucy has helped him#even before they were a couple#but this is someone who knew Tim before his marriage fell apart!#knew him when he was - prior to Lucy entering his life - at his happiest#but that pales in comparison to his life post Lucy#and i am so glad that someone else recognised that and said it out loud#and also made sure Tim knew how lucky he is to be getting another chance with her#because he has put in so much work and he's made so much progress#but getting Lucy back was never a guarantee because of that#she went through so much#even before the breakup she's had so much against her#and he had so much against him too!#he went through a lot#but s6 Lucy was just so alone after Tim left#and even though I'm not 100% on board with how they've shown her healing#i'm glad they have given her time to heal#to recover#to set boundaries#and yes break them#but they're hers to break#and i could go on forever because lucy chen#but i'm just happy for them both to be getting this chance#now just give Lucy a little emotional breakdown that Tim and her little found family can help her through#because she is fucking overdue one#and then they can live happily ever after (with the odd non-fatal mortal peril here or there)
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You sent me an ask so I shall return the favor! What is the most recent Kpop group you’ve gotten into and how did you find out about them? I always love hearing fan “origin stories” lol
Thank you for returning the favor~ That would be The Boyz 🥰💖 I love hearing fan "origin stories" too hehe (This is gonna get long I love them sm)
Anyways I've known about them since debut? I loved Bloom Bloom Pow with my whole heart when it came out and tried to fall for them then- It didn't work. The next time was when The Stealer (TS) came out~ I had watched them perform for Road to Kingdom- because ptg was on the show too- But I really loved TS cb- sm so that I bought the album about 6 mos later with my favorite members as inclusions at the time (Eric, Kevin and Hyunjae). But nothing came about of it even after watching the weekly idol episodes... Then came Whisper era and I ended up biasing Changmin (Q) and loving that song but again nothing came out of it.
(A little backstory is that Changkyun (I.M) got me into Dominic Fike's music-) Thus, when tiktok showed me Juyeon, Changmin, and Sunwoo dancing to Babydoll earlier this year as a dance cover: I fell. And then I finally checked out Watch It~ But Hui had his solo and it distracted me completely from falling further. Then I had gotten sick and decided 'well, what if I watch their content?' And I did... I watched their hello82 interview and their reaction to fanart of them, and lastly their mafia dance. And I loved each sm that I decided to check out more.
It was the first time I had watched their content and wanted to see more. And now, I watch their content almost daily. It's kind of like they revived the joy of kpop for me? My (old) ult of ults has been on hiatus due to the military so it's been stagnant content lately for me. But then they came in like a breath of fresh air- and I simply can't get enough. This month will be 3 mos and I honestly hope I'll follow them for a long time. (I think they're my new ult of ults tbh)
And lastly now here I am as a Younghoon and Juyeon bias (with bias wrecker: Changmin... he's doing everything to be bias again). And with them having a comeback I loved with my whole heart this past month, I think it really solidified them with me. Honestly, I'm so happy with them.
#my 'fan origin story' hehe#lovely mutuals#asks#kate rambles from here#i even started a new kpop journal just dedicated to them and my thoughts- it's a 200 page journal and i have nearly 50 pages about them#and i started it in february ebhbha-#it's so funny because i saw one of my ults' concerts in theater the month before they should have became the ult of ults and here tbz comes#if the theory is true that you fall in love with certain people/groups/things at certain time then that means even when#i wanted to fall in love with them- that i had to wait until now to fall for them even if i wanted to fast forward it- i think now is a#perfect time- it's when i need them most i think- and fuck i could go on about them forever and why they mean sm to me in such little#time but oh how i love these guys-#no seriously everything i wish they could do- i find out they've done or will do- or for like pcs i like them a certain way and by golly#does yh do my favorite poses- and their music is just ?!?! i love it sm- ofc i've listened to them before a lot but ?? it's my speed rn#kate rambles#did i drag my close friend into them too? yes- yes I did- but she had full free will- she could have stayed on the happy mbb boat instead#of jumping into the water and swimming to lip gloss island with me- but alas she didn't so it's even more fun cause i get to be a new#deobi with her- and it's literally the best experiance i could have ever asked for- she prolly won't see these (i'm banking on it) and#honestly i'm so thankful for her- for joining me in this 'insanity' we've gotten ourselves into- i'm glad we were both stolen from our mbb#home together- it's sm fun to talk about tbz with her- because she's experiencing them new just like i am- i could go on here too#but i won't- so i'll stop here- i love these boyz sm tbh (every time i say it even if it's a lot- it doesn't feel enough)
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Ichiban looks like a beautiful lady ☺️
real and true
#snap chats#i love how i have a genre of asks where people tell me how beautiful ichiban is#like SOOOOO true im glad we all agree...... gets it from his papa 😷#anyway cheer for me ipicked up my son today <- i got my kirby figure from hot topic#HT is so evil they gave me an in-store-only coupon that i only really can use today...#i refuuuuse to i refuse to spend today. i wanna get metroid prime 2... and a new gamecube controller....#so i MUST save.... esp cause i lowkey also want metroid dread 😷#NO LISTEN I WANTED DREAD WHEN IT CAME OUT BUT I DIDNT HAVE MONEY#i still dont have any but yk thats what im saying....... the wishlist BUT ALSO THE PRIORITY LIST.....#why is money everything. priceless is SOOO right...#I WATCHED THE SECOND EP TODAY AND OUGH. SOOOO true show...... im loving it so far......#ok im rambling too much i want to eat my LUNCH because i got LUNCH with my BRO while we were OUT so BYE !!!!!!#anyway im crying why the fuck is ichiban behind me like we’re in front of this ice cream place#and suddenly i hear this dude yell WHAT !!!! and we all look at him and he’s all#‘is there a bigger cup of this because this is the best thing ive ever had- i hope you have a great night thank you so much !!!’ like YO???#how good is that ice cream... now im curious...#OK I SHOULD EAT i have mango lassi anyway... hehe... tastes EXACTLY like mango pudding hehe...#OK BYE FR THIS TIME
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only got to say like half of what i wanted in the tags of my last post abt my qpp but alas i hit the tag maximum
aroace love strikes again <2
#srsly one day i need to thank my qpp’s parents for making him bc to have made someone this wonderful is an achievement worth praising#i hope they know how much i love their son#considering that i’m p sure that they think we’re fucking (i have reasons for this) they probably do lmao#not quite in the way i love him but the thought is there yk#anyway if heaven exists it’s being held by my qpp#it’s his smile#him infodumping about his newest obsession#him getting into my fandoms bc i love them so much#him sending me fic reccs#him cooking for us#it’s him. him him him#it’s eating plain bread for lunch and dry cereal for dinner bc there’s nothing else and it’s sunday and we’re too busy talking to do+#groceries anyway#i dare not think of the eventual day my qpp will leave me for whatever reason#but what comforts me is that to have had the chance to know him for a period however fleeting is more than i could’ve ever dreamt of#so much more#and if the day he ever leaves comes. we will part in peace. and i will continue to appreciate the time of his life i got to share#i have a pinterest board abt my qpp that i recently showed someone (a friend) for the first time and he was like ‘‘it’s so pretty and happy+#and nice!’’ and. yeah. fuck yeah it is. it’s full of sunlight and rainbows and frogs and kitties and art. it’s my most beautiful and+#wonderful pinterest board. it’s based on the most beautiful and wonderful thing i know. of course it is#i don’t plan on dying anytime soon but it’s comforting to know that while there’s still so many things i’ve yet to experience many of which+#i’ve been excitedly waiting for at the end of the day it will have been enough because i got to cuddle my qpp and fall asleep in his arms#and that’s the best possible thing i could ever experience#and i’ve already done it#and i’m going to do it so many more times again#aroace love musings over#for now#☆—`elys rambles
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I always wanna try to find lob corp enjoyers to follow and such but by god I feel like I'm the only person on the internet who actually likes and enjoyed lob corp sometimes. I couldn't make friends here I'm the guy who genuinely believes lob corp isn't actually that hard for the vast majority of the game
#rat rambles#lobotomy posting#like yes it absolutely 100% gets stupid hard but the only big challenges I see as hard enough to be a game design problem are binah and#violet midnight and Im of the opinion that just taking away the no pause mechanic from binah would fix that fight#yes lob corp is by no means an easy game or a well balanced game but I genuinely belive people massively over exaggerate how hard it is#like Im not the guy who wont recommend it because its too hard I just wont confidently recommend it because its long as hell#plus it is a buggy game that is best played with mods which is never a great pitch to have to make#but like the actual gameplay is super fun to me and I think ppl are just wusses#well ppl also complain abt oni being too hard so idk either I'm too much of a gamer or ppl are just allergic to reading#ok to be fair. lob corp does fail to properly push the player into reading the real tutorial and get across its gameplay loop clearly#most ppl who complain abt lob corp being hard or not fun are just unknowingly handicapping themselves by not using many of the mechanics#that the game fails to make clear are in fact mandatory#but. I didn't actually read any of that shit either my first playthrough and I made it through fine so. idk skill issue#I jest it is a real problem with the game I just still had a good time with it regardless#but I do feel like ppl get scared off from lob corp by ppl who dont actually understand that that was the problem for their playthrough#like I genuinely think if the turorial was more clear abt the wider gameplay loop ppl would have a much better time#although a lot of the shit ppl complain abt I see as complete non issues so maybe Im the problem lol#sorry society I am the one guy who things customisation costing lob is fine actually#also a lot of the abnos ppl act like are the hardest things ever arent as bad as ppl make them out to be#queen of hatred is fine actually. even if you dont have execution bullets. shes just mildly annoying sometimes#train Is that bad tho. there should have been an aleph tool and it should have been train
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me in the first couple of months after moving, reassuring myself that things always get worse before they get better: hurting is the first step to healing!
me, a year and a month after the move, undeniably happier than i've been in over a decade and yet watching as each one of my maladaptive coping mechanisms falls apart in my hands, leaving me not only without any beneficial, long-term-appropriate coping mechanisms ready on-hand to replace them but also with the ever-growing sense that there is more wrong with me than i ever knew hiding underneath layers of masks and trauma responses: oh so i didn't know fuck or shit
#little rock.txt#venting#long tags#sorry for sad posting so much rn lmao.#unfortunately the voices of my parents reinforcing that i was supposed to be an independent adult after moving out has uh#well it's sort of stranded me without a doctor? for reasons i don't want to get into and involve a lot of being bad at asking for help#so i've been rationing my bipolar medication and i think i'm genuinely having one of the worst depressive episodes i've had in over a decad#it's been three weeks. three weeks. three fucking weeks. three goddamn cursed fucking weeks of this and it's only getting worse#i have to get a refill. it's not optional. unfortunately if i think about asking for help making a doctor's appointment my blood runs cold!#a lot of “asking for help makes me panic” going on actually#i don't think this is what they meant by “you should be able to do things on your own” but oh BOY is it what they fucking got#and it's not like i don't have ACCESS to help!!#jesus fucking christ do i ***know*** i have access to help. hi gay people who live with me#see again. asking for help makes me panic. asking for anything makes me panic#you ever had your hands shake because you wanted to ask for a hug?#you ever ***bailed on asking for a hug*** and dealt with the fall out emotionally of denying yourself any amount of comfort??#it's a nightmare. genuinely a fucking nightmare. fuck me does it suck.#and the best (worst) part of it all is that every moment i am like this i feel incredibly guilty about it ( :#bcus i know i have people who love me and i know they'd help if i asked. i know they would no questions asked#they keep offering. every time i'm having a bad time they offer to help. “whatever you need” i can't tell you what that is#because i don't know and because it makes me panic and because things are worse for other people and because and because and because#jesus FUCKING christ am i full of fucking excuses too#oh and the anger's not helping lmao. look in the mirror and get pissed off at the sniffly bitch there#you ever watched anger manifest on your own face? knowing it's at yourself? it's an experience and a half. don't recommend even a little bi#hey did you know if you have problems with reactive anger and then you don't treat them they don't go away? wild right#sorry. i started rambling. might delete this later
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