#I DIDN'T EVEN SPECIFICALLY WHO THE FIRST TAG WAS ABOUT WHOOPS

[skullzy20]

Hi warframe community does anyone know if the warframes that have gotten prime variants since duviri came out (wisp, grendel, eventually gauss) are gonna be available in the circuit eventually orrr

[aquagirl1978]

Hello! I’d like to request for the Naughty or Nice celebration for Ikemen Villains and Ikemen Prince that you’re currently holding.

I’d like to request my new insomnia-plagued husband, Ellis Twilight with a nice to naughty (not considered smut, but like an insinuating prologue to smut that ends just about when clothes are about to be unbuttoned, if you get what I’m saying?) scenario where Ellis discovers the comfortable wonders of his female lover’s body, specifically using tits as a pillow and a nice ass as a stress ball, if that would be alright with you.

And I know it might be a bit fast, but I’m so excited for Ikemen Villains!!! I wanna romance Ellis already!!!

Anyway, I hope this request isn’t asking too much of you, please do take all the time you need! I hope you have a lovely morning/day/afternoon/evening/night and eat plenty of food and drink plenty of wa-wa! Thank you for taking the time to read this request!!!

☺️☺️☺️

Hi @onegianthotmess - thank you for this request. I hope I captured the essence of what you were looking for (I kinda didn't stop before clothes were unbottoned - whoops). Hope you have a great day!

Fade Into You

A/N: Part of my Naughty or Nice event Pairing: Ellis Twilight x Reader Prompt: nice to naughty exploring his partner's body Word Count: 644 Tags: fluff to spicy (no smut); reader is afab (no pronouns used)

Requests open for Naughty or Nice event

A soft knock at your door snapped you out of your reverie. “Come in,” you called out to your visitor, curious to know who was behind the door.

The door opened slowly; your smile was wide and bright as you recognized the familiar mop of wavy locks as dark as the night sky. 

“I didn't think you'd be back this early,” you said pleasantly surprised. Ellis had left for a mission earlier that day; as you were saying your goodbyes he had told you not to expect him back before bedtime.

“Yeah, well, things didn't go as planned and Jude had to step in.” Ellis shoved his hands in his pockets as he gazed at you expectantly. 

“Lay down with me?” you asked sweetly, patting the spot to your right, inviting him to join you.

With a soft smile, he silently crossed the room, his long legs carrying him in just a few quick strides. He took a seat at the edge of the bed; rolling over onto the mattress, he curled his body next to yours. 

“...so soft…” he mumbled, his face nuzzled against your warm chest, his long arm thrown casually over your waist. Your hand cupped the back of his head, your fingers gently stroking the strands of his hair.

It felt so nice and comfortable, lying in bed with your body enveloped by Ellis’s, you wished you could stay like that forever. He pressed his body closer against yours – if he got any closer, he might melt into you, your bodies fading into one another. 

Not that you would mind, you thought as you looked down at Ellis. He looked so serene resting on you, his eyes closed and a soft smile gracing his lip. 

Wondering if he was asleep, you glanced out the window. It wasn’t yet night, the twilight sky still bathed in the very last rays of the sun. 

His touch was gentle at first, just his thumb ghosting the curve of your hip. So gentle, you barely felt it. When his hand shifted, his fingers splayed along your hip, pressing into your skin, you felt it. Squeezing your soft flesh in his hand, he coaxed a sweet sigh to escape your lips. 

No, he most definitely was not asleep.

Ellis tilted his face, his eyes darkening with desire as he met yours. Silently, he shifted his body until he was hovering over you, close enough for you to feel his heat. Your lips parted in anticipation, sighing softly as he gazed into your eyes too long for your liking. 

His hips dipped, pressing against yours. Your breath hitched, your body flooding with warmth. As he brushed his thumb across your cheek, your eyelids drifted closed. 

“So beautiful,” he whispered, brushing a kiss upon your waiting lips. You reached up, your arms wrapping around his shoulders, your fingers tangling in his hair, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. He breathed a pleased sigh into your mouth, his tongue sliding against yours in a slow, sensual dance. 

With no sign of breaking the kiss, Ellis lifted his chest, his hands caressing your chest before his fingers found your buttons. You felt the smile in his kiss once he got the top few undone. 

His mouth wandered, his lips placing a sweet kiss on your cheek and then along your jawline, he left a trail of quick kisses. His breath hot in your ear, he whispered sweet nothings in between nipping your earlobe. Your body warmed with each kiss, one growing hungrier than the last.

When his hand slid up your skirt and his hand squeezed your backside, his fingers digging into your skin, you knew what was coming.

Tagging: @redheadkittys @themiscarnival   @coral-relevium @cyberk1ee     @kookie-my-little-sunshine    

Clinging to Ellis, your heart filled with happiness. You adored him. Trusted him. Loved him. Your heart beat wildly in your chest, ready to give yourself fully to your lover.

@pathogenic @ellisgivesmelife013 @ikemen-writer   @nightghoul381 @judejazza

@xbalayage @xenokiryu @alydra @drachonia @ranhanabi777

@silver-dahlia @lunaaka @ikesenwritings @sh0jun

[lunarleonardo]

Omg yessss!!! I’ve been looking through your asks and the Shumai thing is so real. The thing that makes me like that nickname as much as I do is specifically because it was created for the sole reason of pissing off Kaito. Without that context, the nickname just loses a lot of its flavor.

Anyway, I’m about to start reading Love Letter and I’m very excited! I live for anytime Tsumugi and Shuichi so much as look at each other. There’s so many fun ways you can play with their dynamic so I can’t wait to actually see what you do. Not to mention your immaculate saiou writing skills and the way you make your stories just go insane. It’s very entertaining and I adore it!

BE CAREFUL GOING INTO LOVE LETTER!!! That one gets pretty violent...! And it only gets worse from here @_@ Their dynamic is cute and silly for a total of two chapters before everything goes Bad. If you reeeeally like Tsumugi and don't want to see her do anything bad or insane Ever then I wouldn't recommend reading it x"D

Also, thank you!! ^.^ Writing romance is always the hardest part of writing anything of mine, so I'm glad you've enjoyed it (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠) (and don't get me wrong, I love saiouma!! I wouldn't write about it if I didn't. The problem was that I'm a demiromantic trying to write in the perspective of an alloromantic... which I am not doing for love letter. sorry shuichi you're on the aro spectrum now) And yes I am quite fond of descending into insanity in my stories. I barely see stuff like it in my very filtered Shuichi tag, much less longer multichapter fics!! So I thought, "well. might as well do it myself!" and five fics later we're here so I'd say that ended pretty well ^_^ whoops I am rambling

Anyway. You are SO right about the Shumai thing!! It's also just objectively funnier when it's used with the original context ;P it's also the fact that I don't think Kaito even knew who he was referring to at first LMAO. And Shuichi just?? Brushed it off??? Like I understand that someone died but cmon. thats hilarious

[rosanna-writer]

2024 Fic Writer End of Year Roundup

Answer and then tag three or more creators to keep the game going! Thank you to everyone who tagged me!

(If you're in my answers consider yourself tagged if you'd like to play!!)

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024? 220,811 but some of those aren't mine because collab fic

2. How many fics did you complete this year? 12! but a lot of them are oneshots

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year? Two, if you count the abandoned one

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote? The fics written with friends in mind, so Love at First Sight's for Suckers, Baby, I'm the One to Beat, The Great War, and you're in the kitchen humming

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style? I think Knuckles Bruised Like Violets was my first no-magic modern AU? And inspired by a specific real life event, which isn't my usual thing

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception? I'm kinda shocked by how many hits I got on You All Over Me, and the ratio of hits to kudos is definitely out of sync with what I normally expect. I have my suspicions as to why - it's omegaverse but with a male omega and female alpha, so I think a pretty decently sized chunk of people didn't read the tags and noped out halfway through the fic when they realized Feyre was knotting Rhys and not vice versa. Or maybe that's pessimistic and it's hella re-reads, idk

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!) It was expected for a non-smutty rare pair drabble, but now i've read all of the books beside your bed didn't get a ton of traction

8. Who is an artist that inspired you? I was lucky to get a few peeks of things in process that friends shared, and I find that so inspiring. It's like a little peek behind the curtain as the magic happens! @stickyelectrons, @gracieart, @witchlingsandwyverns, @santkazoya all come to mind!

9. Who is an author that inspired you? Oh my goddddd so many people! @witch-and-her-witcher and @violetasteracademic for tackling ambitious, sprawling interconnected fics; you two are creating whole damn universes and I am in awe. I can see the influence of @thesistersarcheron and @the-lonelybarricade inspiring how I write things like Feysand's interpersonal dynamics (Rhys is insane and pspspsing his feral cat of a wife who may or may not know she's his wife) and daemati abilities (everything's happening in their brains, but ya gotta bring it to life with some physicality, if that makes sense?). And I quietly ask myself "what would @whatishowedyouinthedark and @belabellissima do?" when I'm staring at my document trying to make the whole thing a bit more sexy/bloody/generally insane <3

10. Who is a new author you discovered? So many new people who feel like they've been here forever!!!! @violetasteracademic, @lady-bluebird-luv, @tunaababee, @astra-aeterna, @trappedoutside124, @beesays and there's probably at least like ten more?

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start? @gaeleria was just chatting and whoops @feysand-hivemind was born!

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of? I set out to challenge myself to write a bigger variety of pairings in 2024. In 2023, I'd only written Feysand and Gwynriel, but this year I tried my hand at Elriel, Elucien, Gywnlain and Feyrhysien for a few oneshots and event week fics. yay for setting a goal and doing it!

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year? I've been writing fic on and off since I was a kid, but I've been writing for ACOTAR for almost two years now. 2024 was really the first time I've been a consistent enough writer in a fandom to become sort of a "known quantity" - people sometimes recognize my username, and I've written enough fics to identify patterns. Writing feels a bit different when you think your audience (even if it's just a handful of regular AO3 commenters lol) is coming in with a set of expectations. It's not pressure per se and doesn't stress me out, but once you've written enough, there's a new awareness of when you're deviating from your style or not.

Sierra Simone has some free worksheets from the course she teaches on writing erotic romance (you can find them here, highly recommend!), and the exercises for identifying voice ("What makes your work, your work?", "when a reader picks up a book written by me, they can expect _____.", etc) got me thinking a lot about this kind of thing. You can really only start to wrap your head around voice/style once you have a body of work to reflect on, and that takes time.

14. Any advice you’d like to share with new or aspiring writers? Don't be a weenie about asking for beta reads, and when you do have a beta, interrogate them a lil. We all get squirrelly and wanna just yeet the document at them and then go hide forever. But asking them to read for something specific - "Is xyz confusing?", "Do you think this feels like a cop-out or am I doing the right thing by keeping it simple?", "Were there any parts you were tempted to skim?", etc - can really help you grow. Sometimes comments on a document are enough, but sometimes it needs to be more of a conversation.

You are not being annoying by asking for a beta read. It's not a burdensome thing to put on someone. We ALL need a second set of eyes, and we're in this together!

15. What are your creative goals for 2025? I'm trying not to start new multichapter fics until I make good progress on my two "open" ones. So more oneshots for the vibes and then lock in and crank out chapters for we said hello and Baby, I'm the One to Beat!

[amethystfairy1]

Hi there, new anon here bc I don’t use tumblr like, almost ever. apologies for the rambling about how I love ur AU’s that’s incoming. Or if I did this wrong. Idk how to use tumblr.

Ok SO, I’ve been following your AUs on AO3 for the past few months and first of all, love it, I love your continuity with metaphors or specific descriptors that span across works, like Grian’s banded wings, glamor as heat haze on tarmac, scott having hair like spun sugar, just AUGHHHH so good I love. Little details like that make me as a writer and ofc fanfic enjoyed foam at the mouth. It’s so vivid I can picture it in my mind, I love the eclectic feel of the undercity, the mechanical lore things like wagons in Traveling thieves or rail carts and labs in TTSBC! Don’t even get me started on the peice about Doc and Etho in the depths, that one is so so good.

And your phenomenal foreshadowing? Like first read through never guessed that avian at Fremeere’s was skizz, but I went back after your recent upload and wow it totally is! Or how first read of TTSBC I never thought the two directors were the same because I hopped around in the reading order, but now it’s wayyy too similar! And now I get why a past and long dead antagonist would have such a specific and recognizable speech pattern… eerie. I love it. Can’t wait to learn more about that storyline!! I wonder how much Tango knows about Doc’s history with the labs and if he realizes the connection after talking with Zedaph. Zedango my beloved! Or just tango content/lore in general hehe. (Also, I find it humorous that Grian and Tango’s boyfriends have almost the same trauma as their dad, lol) Also, love how close the characters are to being reunited in Traveling Thieves!! They’re so close!

Anywhoo, just stopped by to say that Cub is litterally providing scar/Hot Guy with weapons in Scar’s new episode, only to see that you already saw that ofc. I was litterally kicking my feet and squeaking about it bc it’s just like TTSBC and your AU makes me so genuinely happy to read and has me in a chokehold. But the rocket arrows?? That are Hot Guy brand color coded! And expensive and I can see character!Cub being exasperated about scar’s trigger happy use of the rockets in the same way he doesn’t call the lab the Hot Cave, hehe. Or Scar showing off to Grian that he’s not the only one who can shoot sparkly projectiles!

so yeah, ik you already saw that, but i wanted to share that it’s so perfect for TTSBC or else my brain would not leave me alone lmao

DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR THE RAMBLES

I LOVE RAMBLES!!!!

I'm so glad you love my little tells for the characters! Heat haze on tarmac, hair like spun sugar, stuff like that just feels like it helps make a certain trait pop and so I try to make sure every character has at least one of them! I'm so glad you enjoy the mechanical ascept of the AUs! Both TTSBC and TT have their own little things, moving parts that keep the worlds going!

I love trying to layer in foreshadowing when I can! Skizz appearing, but I purposefully didn't tag him as a character because, thanks to avian culture, he doesn't use his name, and so it's not until we get to see from his POV that we actually get confirmation that's him!

I have no idea what you're talking about with the director, tho, because she's totally dead! She died 24 years ago during the Anarchy! Any odd vocal ticks and specific dislikes for hypothesis is completely coincidental and should be, should be, should be disregarded. 😑

They do, don't they? Whoops. I guess Doc has a lot to relate to when it comes to his future sons-in-law, huh?

CUB IS THE GUY-IN-THE-CHAIR CONFIRMED!!!! AGGGH!

Thank you so much for your rambles I absolutely loved reading them!!!! 💖

[lou-is-lurking]

20 questions for writers

thanks so much for tagging me, @they-lived 💜💜💜

These questions looked vaguely familiar, so I checked and found I answered an almost identical version here. It's been three years since then tho (??? sounds fake tbh), so some answers will be different (and some won't), so here we go

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 24

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 117,073

3. What fandoms do you write for? Yuri on Ice still owns my ass

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

No Nut November [Otayuri, E]

Jacky's and Becky's Bizarre Adventures [Otapliroy, T]

The Waiting Game [Otayuri, E]

Perfect Storm [Otayuri, E]

Off-Season Gossip [Otapliroy, M]

5. Do you respond to comments?

Almost always, but I'm sometimes still as slow about it as I was three years ago whoops 😅

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Still this one: Stuck making Excuses

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhhhh.I really don't know. Maybe No Nut November? Or Kiss it Better? Or even Not According to Plan? All the Friends to Lovers ones lol

8. Do you get hate on fics? No. Bless smaller, quieter fandoms lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hell yeah. Still the kinky kind, mostly. Which apparently was also my answer last time I did these questions, but I was Offended (affectionately) when @weeheilandcoo recently challenged me to "write normal sex" as if I never do that??? Which, uhhhhh, it seems I actually do not? So... Yeah. ("Vanilla??? SAD.")

10. Do you write crossovers?

Still only got that lone Yoi/Buffy crossover deep down in my WIP folder (tho apparently I worked on it sometime in October 2022 cos that's the date of the latest version lmao)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, actually! The first was Kiss It Better, translated to Russian and poted to ficbook Here.

Then this year No Nut November and Turn Down the Heat were also translated to Russian and posted on AO3 - with custom fanart / headers! 🥰 Awesome experience everytime, everyone was super sweet <3 <3

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope, not fic at least. I've done a few co-writing projects for other stuff, but most of the time it didn't really work out / wasn't for me. Only exception: A short story for one of my Vampire the Masquearde RPG campaigns that I wrote together with a friend a long time ago. Batshit insane stuff. Good times. 😆

14. What is your all-time favorite ship? Otapliroy (and any other combination of these 3 boys)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

SO. MANY. UHHHHHGGGG 😭😭😭 Side-eying my 50s AU, specifically.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Humor. Banter. Dialogue in general, I guess.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

To actually fucking write lmao. Finishing a story to the point of being presentable. Also, pacing.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Can work really well. Can also be fucking hilarious if the translation isn't accurate.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Some vampire show for kids when I was seven or eight. Not sure if that counts since I wasn't even aware of 'fandom' back then 😅

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Impossible to choose, would pick a different one every day lmao. But I've been having a lot of Pliroy thoughts lately so maybe today I'd pick Symbiosis .

Tagging any mutuals and followers who want to play! Feel free to tag me in your posts I' wanna'd love to read your answers 💜

[canmom]

I was tagged by @baeddel and charged with the following questions:

Last song: Mephisto by Queen Bee. This is the ED for Oshi no Ko, and that is indeed the context I first encountered it. But I've kind of become obsessed with Queen Bee ever since I saw this video of Avu-chan:

There is definitely an element of "I want to learn to sing but I cannot sound like a cis women no matter what so I have to figure out some other sort of voice to aspire towards". Not that I could ever have Avu-chan's ridiculous range lol. But they are sort of the coolest person I've ever seen.

After that I learned that I'd been hearing Avu-chan a whole bunch. For example, Avu-chan voices Inu-oh! All the fantastic songs I enjoyed in that film...

And that's not even the first time Avu-chan worked with Masaaki Yuasa. You remember that amazing version of Devilman no Uta from Devilman Crybaby?

Yeah, guess who.

But that's just focusing on the anime link. Queen Bee is the shit. Like check out this duet between Avu-chan and Avu-chan:

Or King Bitch with all the martial arts. Or Inu-hime which manages to pack a whole gory jidaigeki story into a three and a half minute music video. I'm still working my way back through Queen Bee's videos.

Forgive me, this is way more than one song ^^'

Currently watching: Besides Animation Night tonight? ^^

I recently finished Tengoku Daimakyou - which was imo strong right up to the end, and there's a bunch to write about it. But this says 'currently' so...

I'm presently catching up on Oshi no Ko. (Hence the Queen Bee listening.) Which is the one where the gynecologist is reincarnated as the son of an idol alongside one of his patients; said idol gets murdered, and then as a highschool student our boy's attempting to solve her murder while getting caught up in all sorts of showbiz drama. I've written a bit about Oshi no Ko before; two eps further on, the story continues to have some delightful swerves and I'm fascinated to see where they're going with all this. I can see it steadily orbiting certain themes - falsehood, performance, self-identity and so on - but what the ultimate thrust will be, remains to be seen.

I ended up rewatching a few episodes with @footsteps-on-the-dance-floor a couple weeks ago. On the rewatch, I was struck by how, in this show about acting, just how much attention is indeed paid to the acting of the characters. Not so much flashy sakuga, just lots of carefully observed interactions that I came to appreciate a lot as I understood the characters better.

Currently reading: [whoops, forgot this one, editing it in] Ghost in the Shell for fiction. Shirow's manga is fascinating. In some ways you can see all the material that made it out into Production IG's various adaptations, but in some ways the tone is so different, way less dry, way more unabashedly nerdy, the characters much more emotional. I'm fascinated by all the little asides and margin notes by Shirow.

For non fiction, I've got this book called "Queer British Art 1861-1967" by the Tate that I'm steadily reading. It's fascinating, I didn't know shit about most of the people they write about in here.

Current obsession: What do I do that can't be characterised as an obsession really ^^'

But besides work, and writing long posts on here, and drawing pictures, I've been trying to learn music. I mentioned singing, but the other strand is trying to learn the zhonghu. So let me tell you about zhonghus.

This is a Chinese musical instrument, a close sibling of the erhu. Like a violin, it's a bowed instrument; unlike a violin, it's held upright on your lap, it has only two strings, and the bow is held in between them.

The bowstrings are very loose compared to a violin bow, and you use your fingers to press them against one or other string. There is no fingerboard, let alone frets, so pitch depends on how hard you press the strings as well as where your fingers are positioned. Not to mention a million other variables to do with your specific instrument.

The zhonghu and the erhu are almost the same instrument; the zhonghu is tuned slightly lower, similar to a viola compared to a violin. Also? The soundbox is covered by snakeskin, so if you import an erhu (or zhonghu) from China, you have to go to some effort to certify that the snake in question was from a farm and not a wild snake. And you have to be really careful that the bowstring doesn't catch on the scales.

Why am I learning the zhonghu? Well. That's a long story but the tl;dr is my friend suggested I should be a zhonghu player and I was like you know what sure. So now I have her old zhonghu.

I used to play the violin, but I think the way I learned the violin left a lot to be desired in terms of actually understanding music. I could translate sheet music into finger positions, and fulfill my role in an orchestra for kids, but I lost the thread at uni, where I tried to play with the ceilidh band and found I was completely at sea in a more improvisational setting. Add like a decade of rust on top of that.

So it's safe to say that right now I'm really fucking bad at playing the zhonghu. Nevertheless, I'm trying to persevere. In the month or so since I started, with very irregular practice, I've gone from 'can only make a horrible scratching sound' to 'can play an open string' to 'never hitting a note first try' to 'can mostly hit notes until I try to move my hand', so I'm inching forwards. It's a long way until I can make the kind of beautiful music that the erhu is known for, and I don't have any belief I'll ever be notably good at it, but there's nothing to be lost in trying to learn a new thing, even if it's one that is not coming naturally to me at all. Better to struggle than to go my whole life never picking up an instrument again you know.

Tagging - uhhh let's say - @mogsk @schizsune @sisyphication @catnumbers @argyrocratie @centrally-unplanned @hamiltonianflow @sapeami-scalps-whites [if you'd like, in each case!] The questions are 'last song', 'currently watching', 'currently reading', 'current obsession', answer in as much or little detail as you like

[draculas-husband]

15 questions/Get to know me!

1. Are you named after anyone?

Sort of actually, haha. As a transman I chose my own name. I sort of named myself after King Richard from the TV series Galavant! (That everyone should watch btw because it is a criminally underrated comedy fantasy musical.) But there were definitely other people and characters that influenced my choice... As well as all the cool nicknames you can use when named Richard such as Dick, Rich, Ricky etc.. etc..

Also the name and nicknames comes with so much pun potential!

2. When was the last time you cried?

It was rather recently.. It was an rp moment that really got to me emotionally, touching me to tears. Though it would be even more recently if we count laughing so hard you cry. Either way I blame @nikyri-ninky for both!~ 😘

3. Do you have kids?

Does my cat count? Cause I call him my son, my baby boi, my sweet child.. If so yes. My fur baby named Major Flumph. I also have fictional children as well as a few friends who refer to me as their dad.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I would not say that I do, no. On occasion for sure. Especially if I am teasing my boyfriend. Though that is mostly payback for him doing it to me.

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

I played a bit of soccer, did gymnastics, and played a lot of floor ball (a sport that was invented in Sweden) as a kid. But sport rarely interests me these days.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people?

That is a damn good question that I struggle to answer. I genuinely do not know for I notice a good number of things but could not tell you what the first thing is even if I wanted to.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Both. Both is good. If I had to choose however: happy endings. I love me some scary movies but I also struggle with anxiety and stress enough that happy endings are usually more healthy for my mental health in the long run.

8. Any special talents?

My coworkers, parents, partners and several friends would all kick my ass if I didn't mention drawing and painting. Also baking and gift giving (more specifically finding things for people that is based on their genuine interests).

9. Where were you born?

In Stockholm, Sweden!

10. What are your hobbies?

Playing gaymes, drawing, baking, gposing, role-playing, talking with my friends. The list is long hahaha but those are the main ones.

11. Do you have any pets?

Ah whoops, mentioned him already but oh well. Yes! A super fluffy, handsome tuxedo cat named Major Flumph. I've only had him for a few months but I love him with all my lil' gay heart! He turns 1 the same day I turn 28!~ 💖

12. How tall are you?

I am 5'9" / 175cm

13. Fave subject in school?

Art and English.

14. Dream job?

Something where I get to be helpful or creative. Doesn't have to be something super specific as long as I earn enough to live comfortably and have lots of fun. But then again I believe in universal basic income so... I def want a job that mainly allows me to grow as a person while also letting me have fun.

15. Eye colour?

Grey!~

Tagged by: @mirrim-the-moonfaerie and @mimble-sparklepudding , thank you both! 💖

Tagging: @nikyri-ninky , @slumberingslothfully , @elizabethrobertajones , @sosei and anyone else who wants to do it!~ 💕

If anyone would like to get to know me even better just shoot me a dm, despite my name I do not bite! Not at first at least...

[kef-meister]

Okay so first of all, thanks for leaving this rant - because I love discussing my favorite thing ever! I I gotta comment!

I'm pretty sure Metroids were originally just a particularly strong enemy that appears in Tourian (...) and then the plot was written afterwards to focus on them because of how tough they were

This one's great, because the way I read this seems to imply that they just so happened to put a jellyfish enemy in the last area of the game and then happened to write the plot and name the game after it -- something that could only happen in the NES era of video games, if so. But then what about making the statues into birds? And the decision to give Samus masculine pronouns in the manual? Why have Samus reveal herself at all at the end of the game at all? (under very specific circumstances, no less!)? Personally, I don't think the original game (or games in general) get designed with random pieces to then weave a story around, even if it's as simple as "get to the last level, kill the boss and the jellyfish".

Actually, to get back on Metroids ... why did they make them jellyfish in the first place? In a brilliant video by "Critical Kate" Willært (linked below) she points out that Metroids aren't the only jellyfish in videogames and what might have inspired them (she also takes a jab at what might have had some influence on Metroid as a whole)!

(PS. that video also sparked my want to look into last century's media. It's about 25 minutes. Kate also has a Twitter thread with bits she didn't include in the video itself.)

In general the franchise's lore seems to have developed by the writers diving into the implications of elements from earlier games, which is something I love about the series

Me too. We never knew THAT or WHY the Chozo made jellyfish to save an ecosystem, only to go "whoops, we might as well call them Ultimate Warriors" until way later into the franchise!

Because the Metroid series barely got any story in the main games and a lot is left up to guesswork, a lot of the fun basically comes from the fandom piecing things together and hoping the next game recognizes/references that.

(I absolutely insist the X parasites were inspired by John Carpenter's "The Thing From Planet X" (JP title). Sakamoto-san, please confirm.)

PS. What makes Metroid even more convoluted a story: 1. The original Metroid Prime in the US had slightly different writing than the EU version, this was finally retconned in the Remaster. 2. The various manga aren't necessarily fully canon either. >:C 3. The Chozo keeps changing writing (and life-styles) and this seems to be partly on who develops the video game. The Prime series has scratches for a script, Zero Mission uses a legible block-based script and Dread uses a triangle-based script (the latter two use the same language rules, btw!)

Bonus: the Chozo used in Metroid Dread has been deciphered and folks have started trying to make the basis of a functional language out of it! The entire language course can be found <here>.

Thanks again for leaving a rant in the tags. I love Metroid.

Metroidposting

I have an immense urge to start digging into Japanese television in the 1960's/70's/80's for the sole reason of finding out what the hell could have inspired Metroid and everything in it.

The only reasons I haven't yet are that I do not understand Japanese at all, and I am afraid of disappearing for months down a rabbit-hole without a spade.

...

Sure, John Carpenter's "The Thing" could explain the X Parasites - since the movie's known as "The Thing From Planet X" in Japan and a number of other staggering similarities.

But how did they decide on "high-science birdpeople got tired of conquering so hard they started inventing a hungry jellyfish to save the ecosystem" ????

[theabominableblogger]

"The Legend of Vox Machina" S1E1-3 Reaction

THAT'S RIGHT- IMMA DO THIS

I do wanna get a few things out of the way though: as a "new" Critter, I am actually not that familiar yet with the first campaign. I do know a lot of the major beats for things through the Briarwood Arc (which this first season is covering) and beyond, but episodes 1-24ish I don't know of so please don't spoil that for me in the replies.

For this reaction series, I will be using the hashtag #purvan's reaction post stolen for the ages so if any of you guys want to find more reactions to this specific series, you can click on the tag in my blog.

On with the show!

AN:  I managed to record my reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post.

"The Terror of Tal'Dorei" Part 1

Found out LAST NIGHT [when I recorded this] that Amazon made a big whoops and released the episodes EARLIER than the allotted time slot. I don't if it was a legitimate mistake on their end or an intentional move. Who knows.

Literally wasted time last night watching Matt rage playing Monopoly with Game Grumps and Sam's Battle Royale. Ez cool.

*smiles when Matt begins to narrate about Tal'Dorei*

Is the wizard Liam?

*jaw immediately drops when the group gets instantly killed*

This animation is really good, holy snot!

The Murder-hobos!

"Do not rest until you bring me the greatest band of mercenaries in all of Tal'Dorei!" Ehhh, varying opinion on that...

They even sound drunk, I'll give them credit!

"Are you offering to help?" *shuts down*

The tabaxi meowed!

Wait, we're starting it off like this?!? Oh wow.

*cracks up at Percy not even trying to dodge*

Did he [Vax] just rob them [the other customers]?

*loudly grimaces when Keyleth vomits in the dog-person's mouth, making them vomit*

"Why does this happen every time we go drinking?!?" Wonder why...

TRINKET!

*gasps when Percy's gun misfires*

*full jaw drop when we cut to Scanlan and the naked woman in bed*

"What is that gnome doing with my daughter?" "It's probably best you don't know." *incomprehensible shocked laughter*

"Does that mean... we've been kicked out of every tavern in Emon?" First world problems?

How did they get their name?

"Pike, ethics are a luxury we can't afford." Oh give her some credit!

"Vex and Vax only care about themselves." "Well [expletive] you." *laughs*

Oh my God, they didn't really have to show that [Scanlan peeing]

"What's the matter with you?!?" That's Matt!

Mercenaries... line line line line line REWARD!

*groans and covers screen when Scanlan's pants drop* I'm didn't see that

That is a giant bear

*Grog loudly belches* Euggh, I don't like that

"It's a rather clever play on words-" "Honestly we don't care." *wheezes*

"Allow me to give you a proper introduction." Oh no we're getting a song?

"He's Vax." "She's Vex." *laughs*

*laughs awkwardly as Scanlan starts rapping and mutes it*

AN: I did go back and listen to the entire song. It rocks. I also have the twin part stuck in my head for the past two days.

Why did I get like... vibes of Galavant and "The Morning Report" from The Lion King in that song?

Yes, get the bear, get the bear! I see you, Khary Payton!

"He got his hand cut off in a bar room brawl." "Oh shit." *laughs*

*Vex senses something mentally in the room* What was that? What was thaaat?

The backgrounds look really pretty

Isn't the Shale Steps like three miles away from Emon though? Is it just a power move to use the skyship?

*laughs* She's [Keyleth] just started talking to the tree!

Matt is literally playing every NPC in this show

"Are you a wizard?" Next campaign

*Keyleth and Vax share a look* Oooh... oohh...

These backgrounds are so pretty!

*gaps when the dragon stomps on the lamb in front of them*

*pretty much in shock for the entirety of the dragon fight*

This is awesome!

*Keyleth starts to summon lightning* Oh let's go, let's go girl!

That is a really intimidating design, oh my gosh.

No, the episode can't be over already!

"Grog, you're hurt." "Nah, it's just a flesh wound." *wheezes*

"This is why I hate traveling with holy people." *wheezes again*

Oh, so her ranger ability is a Spider-Sense? That's awesome.

This music is awesome

*Grog picks up Pike and puts her on his shoulders* Aaww

They're not gonna end the episode there. Nuh uh.

*still fangirling about the animation*

*gasps when they find the town in ruins*

*gasps when Vax finds the family they spoke to earlier dead*

"That was... actually well stated, Grog." "What was?" "Nevermind." *laughs*

*gasps* The silver piece!

"The Terror of Tal'Dorei" Part 2

[Nudity, violence, foul language] No way!

I like the different designs for the background tieflings

*jaw drops when the Captain is DISINTEGRATED VIOLENTLY IN FRAME* They didn't need to show that!

That was just the intro?!?

Oh this opening's gorgeous

Let's go!

They're setting up for the Conclave at the end of the season, aren't they? $500 says so.

"Doom? We don't know the meaning of the word!" *chuckles*

Look at them [the guards] loving Trinket!

*laughs when Vax flicks Pike's ear on their way down the stairs*

*smiles when Gilmore enters the scene*

Was that Sprinkle?

"Why if it isn't the mysterious Vax'ildan?" Did they just do the "love interest" panning shot on Vax?

*leans back in my seat as Vax and Gilmore flirt and then CONTINUE* I feel like a fourth wheel!

*wheezes and face plants at Tusk Love*

*laughs at Gilmore's disappointed gasp at the silver pieces*

There's a triceratops skull on the shelf

He [Gilmore] just slaps the page. That's awesome

"If we survive this, I owe you dinner." "You owe me more than that, my handsome half-elf." *leans back in seat again* Yeah like chocolate, about 500 gold.... that ass...

"All right you two, foreplay's over." *laughs*

Is that the same Matt NPC? That poor guy.

*cackles as Grog rolls behind the ale cart* Nat 20 Stealth!

"Dreadful taste in art." Wait they said dragons are egomaniacs and Krieg has a portrait of himself in the staircase. It's literally him. He's the dragon.

*gasps when Sir Fince gets freaking impaled*

Oh, the rug! The rug!

"Look for some kind of fulcrum." "Wait, a [expletive] room." "I mean, that's what I heard." *laughs*

*laughs at Vex being salty at Vax complimenting Keyleth*

"Look, they're in the booty!" *laughs* They're so immature!

"Seems excessive for a council member." "Seems excessive for anyone." Percy, you literally have like a Scrooge McDuck vault! Don't talk to me!

*leans back in shock at the GIANT GREEN EYE looking back at Keyleth* What was that?!?

He [Krieg] is the dragon!

*jaw drops at Krieg transforming into his dragon form* THAT WAS SO BALLER!

"Vax, did Gilmore give you any insight on how to kill this thing or did you two flirt the entire time?!?" "Shit! Right, right, uh..." *laughs*

*Brimscythe wipes out the group* It's an illusion!

*jaw drops at the ominous chanting in the soundtrack*

*giggles at Percy Naruto running*

*Vax running around the falling rocks* Oh, slow-mo! Let's go!

*pretty much silently loses her mind as Grog decides to rage*

*laughs* She's [Vex] stealing an armful of gold!

"We got 'em, kid." Aaww...

Who's on the Council of Tal'Dorei? Who's on the Council?

*chuckles at Keyleth ruining the moment between the twins*

*gasps* The Briarwoods!

OK, Sylas, whatchu got?

Whaaaaaat?

*episode ends* WHA-

"The Feast of Realms"

*gasps when we open with a flashback to the De Rolos*

What's with the dog?!?

You can't just open it like that! Are you kidding me?!? I don't even know if I wanna sit through the opening because I want to get to the opening!

*Establishing shot of Greyskull Keep* Oh that looks so pretty!

*laughs as Grog sneak attacks Vax with ball tag*

*Allura walks into the keep* Oof, this place is a bit of a fixer upper

"You have my word nothing will go wrong." Absolutely everything will go wrong

*Scanlan's codpiece* Why?

*wheezes at Grog and Vax's curtsises*

Matt!

"Ahem!" Scanlan, don't.

"What?!? You wanna get freaky with me?!?" Oh no

*gasps when the Briarwoods are announced*

Why are they giving him [Percy] the anime fish eye lens? I don't like that

*silently and openly ogling Vax in his formal wear good lord here's my money sir*

"The safe word is... chenga." *laughs*

*Percy realizes that they have to sit across the Briarwoods* Oh no

Ohhhh nooo

"Shit's about to get real!" Oh no

OH God... are they just pretending that they don't know each other?

"Percy, I [Grog] say you walk over to the Briarwoods, say hello to break the ice, and then punch them in the face." That works.

Oh God, I wanna see that dinner go down, are you kidding me?

OK, Vax, I see you with the little cow lick. I see you, man.

I wonder if Sylas has been feeding off Desmond.

*gasps when Vax uses his snake belt to distract the guards*

Why is she still wearing her gloves while she's eating? C'mon, Delilah, etiquette!

*gasps when Sylas charms Sovereign Uriel*

Oh mah God!

C'mon, Percy, say something.

"Have we... met before?" Oh no

*gasps when Percy breaks his glass out of anger*

Did they really just make a bead joke? Are you kidding me?

Vax, what are you doing? I do not like this.

"LIARS!" Percy!

Percy, Percy, Percy, Percy!

Oh no... Vax... Vax, get out of there! Vax!

*gasps when Vax finds mention of the Whispered One*

You gotta get outta there!

"Gosh, you're a handsome couple.." *wheezes with laughter*

*jaw drops when Sylas charms Vax*

"I'll distract them. You go." Scanlan, I do not trust anything- no

*jaw dropped for pretty much the remaining 7 minutes of the episode*

*laughs when Grog hurls NPC Matt out of the weapons closet*

C'mon, Vax!

"Would you look at that, dear?" LINE! PER! LINE!

I forgot about Craven Edge!

"Thanks, Pike!" Radiant weapon!

*Allura facepalms at Scanlan's song* Same!

*Percy goes after Desmond* Oh no, ohhhhh!

*pretty much in shock for the entire Orthax smoke sequence*

"You fool. Now your soul is forfeit." Oh my God, stop, stop!

NO! No, no no no... NO! YOU CANNOT END IT THERE! NO!

[coldtomyflash]

I'm sorry to bother you, but I had to ask once I found out about the earlier soulmate idea for These Violent Delights! (Your soulmate system is maybe the best I've ever read, if not at least in my top two)

With the way you ended up writing TVD (incredible btw), how would your decisions effect/change the idea of a soulmate spin to the story? (I hope I worded my question properly!)

From what I read, what you had planned wound up a good bit different. So I was just wondering if you thought that would inspire changes to the thoughts you had about the soulmate tie in?

Much curious!

Hope you're doing well in all the madness of the world <3

What a lovely question :) Oddly enough I was actually thinking about this just the other day for some reason so the answer I have for you is top of mind and a bit long ^^;

The full history of These Violent Delights is that I wondered what it might be like to turn one of my fics into an original story and then things spiralled. I was specifically making notes on what AATJS might look like as an original, and my instinct was basically that to "file off the serial numbers" of fanfic for that piece, I'd keep the soulmates element but ditch the superpowers.

Actually to go back further, an even earlier idea i'd had with VP -- who wrote the amazing Zombie au -- was a co-written collaboration that would have both superpowers and soulmates in an original story, but it became unwieldy with all those separate worldbuilding elements into it.

as she moved on to other things and i stuck around longer in coldflash and dipped my toe into other original ideas, i ended up mentally splitting that concept in two:

a no-powers yes-soulmate story which later became These Violent Delights, and

a yes-powers no-soulmate story which has since turned into my original novel i'm working on at a snail's pace called Rest for the Wicked (also the chapters of that i posted are out of date since i've revised and changed them since then whoops).

Anyway, for the original concept of These Violent Delights...

In the first mental draft of that no-powers soulmate story, I kept most people's roles/relationships to each other similar (barry being a CSI, joe being a cop, iris being barry's pseudo-adoptive sister, len being a criminal, etc), took out superpowers, and made Grodd (from his role in AATJS) into a serial killer, and Eiling/the military into the FBI being called in on this local serial killer case.

Then someone dropped into my inbox to ask about a no powers / pre-lightning AU, and it basically gave me a chance to flesh that out.

And then someone asked about what it would be like with no soulmates and I thought that was fascinating! Because soulmates is convenient and a narrative shortcut, and how unhinged would it make that opening scene if there was no soulmate bond and yet these two people still responded to one another the same way??

i love unhinged dynamics more than i was willing to admit at the time, and it was a perfect excuse to write that dynamic in a way that was a bit more fun for me, i've i'm being honest. because without that easy narrative push from the bond, how do i play their attraction? can i effectively sell that they are drawn to each other enough to make all these terrible decisions, with no obligation or bond keeping them connected and bound to this?

(And my tags on the third ask about this seem to imply I was writing a len/savitar AU at the time and rolled my ideas for that into this fic, and I don't even remember that lmao. i think it had savitar stripped of the speedforce and working at a bar?)

But to your question of how the original "yes soulmates" version went?

Basically playing out like a no-powers AATJS. Barry the unsuspecting CSI stumbles on to the big bad criminal Leonard Snart and they bond and Barry fucking bolts and he's fast and Len can't catch up after killing his hired hands to protect Barry and Barry's identity.

(also sidebar but although that didn't happen in the final version of These Violent Delights, there is a scene later in Rest for the Wicked where the villain shoots two people for the hero once there's this identity reveal thing, so i guess i'm wedded to that mental image and the ensuing shock and horror on behalf of the hero? RftW is all about unhinged people doing unhinged things in sexy horrifyingly violent ways and dealing with the consequences of what that looks like)

anyway, in this original soulmates version of TVD, Len then tracks Barry down and confronts him and we get another sort of 'swoon' scene where their bond and attraction draws barry to len and is super physically charged. and the story progresses in ways where their bond forces them together in ways that Barry isn't comfortable with because he's pretty sure this guy is a serial killer. meaning he's also busy hating himself for the fact that his soulmate is a serial killer, and as things unfold, especially with their age difference, barry becomes genuinely concerned that his soulmate might have been the one to kill his mother. #yikes

at the same time, despite his misgivings, he's trying to protect len from the FBI that have been called into town and those FBI agents are creating issues for barry at work and he's not a genius actor, they can sort of figure out something is up. i wasn't sure how i'd fold other things in, but without metahumans and superpowers, i wanted the soulmates thing to be more central and wanting the experimentation with their bonds to be more central, more foreshadowed and plot-driving. i was thinking the FBI (at least Eiling) would need to be corrupt and maybe know something, and for the serial killer (Grodd) to be a victim in some manner, and although i hadn't fleshed it out to this level, i think to make it good Eobard or Hunter would fit well here like he did in TVD as someone working alongside the FBI who is super sus because he's actually the one who's fucked up experiments they're covering.

tbh it would fit a bit better if i was doing a sort of CIA parallel with MK Ultra and their experimentation because the CIA are really the ones who have done a lot of that specific type fucked up shit in real life (not that the FBI is innocent!) and are more rife for conspiracy narratives. so thinking it through, maybe i'd have the Eobard/Hunter character as a CIA agent masquerading as an FBI agent (eiling would know this, it would be above board from the government standpoint but covert and 'need to know' because the CIA like to operate under the radar).

and he's there to clean up a former mess they made related to some unethical government experiments with soulmates, and he killed Barry's mother to clean up as well once shit went off the rails however many years ago, because she was either a research on these experiments (remember barry's parents were not soulmates, and the only people to work on this project would probably have been UnMarked), or else she wasn't a researcher but found out and Knew Too Much. and that's why they pinned it on barry's dad and locked him up before he could investigate and figure out who killed his wife and why (because he's also a medical doctor and would have been tangentially aware of his wife's research!).

you can also see the TVD / AATJS parallel come out a bit here with mercury labs and the role that Dr Tina McGee played in AATJS which ultimately was only brought in for one scene at the end (even though in my original notes, barry handing star labs to tina and mercury labs was intended from the start, the story just got too long and convoluted for me to build that into a more cohesive subplot).

in this converged version, Nora would have worked with Eobard(?) and Tina at mercury labs and that would be a bit more central to barry's experience as well. so you can sort of see how that translated into the final TVD version by way of the soil chemical analysis and the forensic evidence and ultimately interviewing Tina and finding out Hunter isn't who he says he is.

anyway i did not have all that figured out at the time but now i'm thinking that's how it would all have needed to together and makes the most sense. and i guess that all would put henry in some very real danger once Eobard/Hunter realizes just how much barry has been scratching at this secret, which fits with the stalking and cameras in TVD, and the developing obsession with barry (nora's son and all that creepiness still in effect from TVD).

and i guess i'd try to find some way in this version for len to help save henry or keep him safe in prison without barry having to ask him, and for barry to discover this and for this to be what wins him over ultimately into trusting len in a full sort of way, and len being this wild card that Eobard/Hunter cannot and does not anticipate as part of how and why barry is able to uncover so much more of the truth of what's going on, and helps connect him to Grodd who is maybe not like, super innocent, but has also been framed for shit he did not do and isn't the cunning cruel serial killer he has been purported to be.

so that's... idk if that's what my answer would be if you'd asked this question 3 years ago tbh, but it's a bit of history and a bit of perspective on the soulmates angle, and how little it would change the story ultimately, and how much closer to AATJS the original concept was.

Random Aside

as a random note, you can also see a bit of my writing process leaking through here. because i've spent literally the majority of my life thinking about writing and story structure, even from the time i was a young kid, i don't necessarily feel the need to think about every detail in advance, but i have sort of these ideas that form a skeleton of a story and a tone of a narrative and then i'm able to plug details in as i go, or translate the story whole-hog to a new setting and tone and change up the details but keep the structural elements the same. it gives me a lot of space to 'play' and to 'discover' the story as it unfolds, but the unconscious back of my mind has already crunched the numbers on a lot of details i haven't bothered (haven't needed to) think about in so conscious of terms, until asked to spell them out or put them on the page.

that trips me up too though, because if i have story beats largely figured out before i write it but then i consciously want to change it, it sometimes stalls me out. because my brain has figured out all these elements already and says "no, that's how we're writing it" and that part of my brain wins every time. the unconscious brain has 500,000x the computing power of the conscious mind, so when it makes a decision, it's hard to contradict it consciously without good reasoning it can then go and crunch new numbers on. in fact our conscious 'choices' are really the result of our unconscious minds having already made a choice, and then barely-perceptible moments later, our conscious minds become aware of that choice and provide us the sense that we are making this choice consciously and deliberately, when it actuality that sense is just our brain translating the decision for us and making us feel in control of our conscious actions.

anyway this is why Mighty Fine Predicament stalled out. i know the full story, or at least the story beats that made me start wanting to tell the narrative in the first place, but it's mostly all deeply problematic elements and especially some bad/terrible tropes stacked into a trenchcoat disguised as semi-excusable plot. and at the time i just wasn't sure if i wanted to post and deal with all that, but i thought if i started writing and posted chapter 1, i could nudge myself over to a tidier version of it as i went. but i couldn't get chapter 2 down because my brain said "no, you write it this way or you don't write it" and so i never wrote it.

[unmitigatedsuperiority]

tag game: get to know me!

thanks for the tag @everyonesfavoritepipecleaner <3

no pressure tags: @honeyreid @temilyrights

reason why you like/dislike your name:

i'm not doxxing myself on here but my name is very basic and i just don't really vibe with it 🤷

star sign:

cancer sun, libra moon, pisces rising

country you live in:

united states

favorite artist:

god this is a loaded fucking question bc i don't really have one? aside from one direction who will always have a spot in my heart, i don't know. orla gartland maybe? or muse except i didn't really like their last album whoops

morning, afternoon, or evening?

morning. specifically 11am. that is the unequivocal best time of day

siblings:

one older brother

sexuality:

demisexual lesbian 😗✌️

favorite special item:

there isn't anything i have that especially means A Lot to me so let's go with my old pointe shoes that i still have from the one year of pointe i did ten years ago

five random facts:

1. i own nearly 500 books; i have four bookcases in my room (and a few stacks scattered about bc four isn't enough)

2. i can (somewhat) play the guitar, violin, concert and baritone ukuleles, and a little bit of piano

3. i used to be a big convention-goer! i went to my first con when i was 9. in high school and college i went to New York Comic Con a bunch, and i went to BookCon every single year it was active/in NYC (rip bookcon)

4. mushrooms are my least favorite food. like cannot stand the smell taste texture anything about them. as a general concept they're pretty cool tho

5. this past summer i drove 12 hours for a tattoo. the car broke down on the way back lol

[neo-homestuck-au]

This au is called saostuck [because that is the somersystem where the story is based]

More under the cut because I don't want to make this hard to read in one go

The story.... is multiple, I'm making multiple fics and art for this au because no one can stop me hehehe

Anyways the au takes place in the saothley (soler) system with 5 known planets and 4 moons discovered, with two of those moons being a similar sise the calthe, the planet where the first fic I might post takes place in

So, the sun, saothley, then vivi then monno, then calthe and halthe both in the [human] habitable zone then the planet void dark with the two moons bruno and Brutus that are habitable but only for those who are cooler blooded like blue bloods (and up)

It's been 40 millenia since the creators [the kids] put calthe [earth c, but different] into the soler system, and multiple things haplend during this time, and I shall write about it, but I'm not sure I'll Wright everything, but now I think I gonchoved(?) myself into writing a war fic in this au [😭]

Also the calender is fucked up

You know how trolls have sweeps? And their like.... 2 years (exactly) well, the sao system calls their years sao orbits (original, I know) and their years have 20 months, and those 20 months on average have 8 weeks, and the weeks are 8 days long (apart from the final day of the year)

And since I didn't realise there could've been war up until i started writing this post they Mey be multiple eras

The first era... isn't technically an era, its called BC [before creation] the next era is AC [after creation, but there could've been more eras during that time so... yeah, whoops, but the last one I wrote down was CR [creators return] but....

the kids aren't really that important to the story, though I did give karkat alight technopathic abilities, I might write a fic about that?

What else should I say.... uh.... um, they have a shit ton of holidays [27] or maybe that's not alot, those are just the general wide spread holiday's though, there are many smaller holiday's too that may be area specific

Uh—right! Romance.... even weirder now... haha, now there are 7 symbols for romance and they have their own colour!!! Uh... more on that later though

Yeah, I guess that's it for the post??? Uh yeah

Also,

Tags:

Saostuck —the entire au

Ficstuck —about the fics

Grubzzz —one of the fics

Saozee— one of the fics

Tama & glamor — one of the fics

Violet indigo & candy together — one of the fics

Ramblings from the notebook — what I wrote down in my notebook

More to be added later

You can send asks too, it might help me flesh out the au, I tend to accidently do that when writing.... , but anyways, have fun looking at my au

I'm obsessed with homestuck 😭 😭 😭

Now I'm making an au!!!!!.... kinda

Well, the main characters of Homestuck are unimportant to my au

And there are 14 trolls Instead of 12

But I'll get on about that in a completely different post—possibly on a different blog, at a later date 📅

I hate this

[theseatofsacrifice]

To continue supporting content makers, this tag game is meant to show the entire process of making creative content: this can be for any creation.

RULES - When your work is tagged, show the process of its creation from planning to posting, then tag up to 5 people with a specific link to one of their creative works you’d like to see the process of. Use the tag #showyourprocess so we can find yours.

I've been tagged by @lordbelacqua (thank you Dea! <3) to talk about Backlead aka: that one Masriel fic I wrote where I got massively carried away...

Rambling/essay under the cut - fair warning, it's a long one!

Okay so first of all just a little disclaimer that Backlead did not follow my usual writing process - the idea was 110% borne out of self-indulgence and it was also both my first foray into HDM fanfic and my return to fanfic as a whole after a long hiatus from writing, so for me this was really a chance to just get back into the swing of things. Everything from Heavenly Guard through to Swansong and all of my current WIPs follow a more structured process and I'm happy to discuss any of them in a separate post!

PLANNING: I tend to find with my fics that I either have a nice little timeline of events planned out pre-writing or I have a very specific event in my head and I just take that and see how things unravel from there and Backlead was 100% the latter.

All I had in my head initially was the ballroom dance scene and so a lot of my admittedly-minimal planning was around the technicalities of that particular section, as well as some of the more general details e.g Marisa's outfit, the setting of the ball, etc. Planning the dance was the most fun part because it was a chance for me to put a lot of my dance knowledge to good use and think up something that fits the back-and-forth way in which Marisa and Asriel frequently navigate their encounters. In a way though I'm actually very glad that a lot of this fic Just Happened instead of being planned out, sometimes it's nice to just run away with an idea!

MUSIC: This gets its own section because this is one of the most important things in my process. Every single fic I write is written to various pieces of music that just help me to put myself in the right headspace for whatever I'm writing at the time - sometimes its just a single piece of music (I wrote Swansong in one hour with just one track from the Unforgotten - a TV show in the UK for those of you not familiar with it - soundtrack on repeat) and sometimes its entire playlists. I do love geeking out about my music choices for fic writing so happy to talk more in a separate post about music for some of my other fics if anyone's curious!

For Backlead I found a couple of playlist-vids from the lovely raviolae on youtube that really worked wonders for my writing. This comes with a disclaimer that I did not necessarily attribute any of these specific songs to either dance scene and I wanted to leave that open for people's imagination - but it's still brilliant vibes for thinking about two once-lovers-now-enemies trying to one-up each other whilst ignoring how much they still find each other attractive.

The two playlist-vids in question are here: you're stuck on the dance floor with your rival and find out they're an annoyingly good dancer and you're dancing with your rival and both of you want to lead

WRITING: First step every time is to figure out who's POV I'm going to cover because that makes a major difference in the way I'm going to write. Characterisation is the big thing for me and there's nothing I love more than to really get inside a character's head and basically think like them, and figure out what makes them tick and how they'll react to the story I'm putting them in. With my initial idea for Backlead being basically about the subtle power dynamics of a ballroom dance, Marisa felt like the natural go-to for this one and I found it much easier in this instance to write in her headspace than in Asriel's.

I wrote this fic in a very out-of-order fashion. The first dance (the slower, waltz-style dance) was the first part I finished, then I did as hinted at above get very carried away and move onto the section in the hallway, then I went right to the start and covered the entire section leading up to that first dance. Then I revisited the hallway scene because I wanted to rework it (the initial version was planned to be more explicit and involved less dialogue - but I wasn't comfortable with writing out the former at that time and the latter got changed by way of me having a sudden burst of dialogue-themed inspiration). The second, more set piece style dance came last in terms of the 'major events' that I wrote purely because I spent a lot of time racking with my dance knowledge to try and make it work in a way that didn't feel forced.

My final major writing stage is to write the 'transitions' between each major part - small pieces where nothing particularly noteworthy happens but it helps the fic to flow from one conversation/event to the next and also sometimes allows me to sneak in a bit of characterisation that I couldn't fit in elsewhere.

Along the way I often leave sentences half-finished with a bracket indicator so I know to go back to it later or I make little notes if I've added something in that needs explaining earlier in the fic, and I make sure to sort those parts out before I jump to the self review/beta reader stage. A couple of examples are below:

Although sometimes this method does also annoy future me too 😂:

SELF REVIEW/BETA REVIEW: Whenever I finish a fic, it gets put away for a day or two and I stop thinking about it completely - if I'm using a beta reader (usually @thatlavanderbard but I sometimes enlist help from friends on discord), I'll send them a copy of my draft at this point so they can start going through and leaving comments for me to work on, but the idea is that when I go back to my work a few days later I'm looking at it with semi-fresh eyes and can properly sift through each sentence to make sure things make sense.

When I'm self-reviewing I generally tend to follow this order of operations: spelling/grammar check (via docs') -> flow check (making sure any deliberate time skips/POV changes/etc in my fic flow smoothly from one part to the next) -> address beta reader comments (because they almost always pick up on things I myself would've picked up on anyway) -> general detailed final read through to make sure I'm happy with every single line and it all makes sense.

Backlead didn't get a full beta read because I had hit a point with it where I just wanted it up ASAP and my impatience got the better of me, but the rest of the above self-review stages still happened and I still spent a fair few evenings going through it properly and also running the occasional sentence or two by some helpful discord friends if I didn't like the way it flowed but couldn't quite figure out how to remedy it!

POSTING: First step was to reset my AO3 password because I forgot it yet again whoops

On a more serious note this part is pretty straightforward - once I'm ready to post a new fic I generally just go on autopilot for this part of the process (other than when I get to 'additional tags' and immediately get brain freeze...). As soon as it's up on AO3 I swing by here to make a post about it, then swing by discord to drop the link to friends who may be interested in reading it and then I normally nervously scuttle away from my notifications for a while out of fear that people hate it lmao.

That last part was especially true for Backlead because of it being my first trip into HDM fanfic and I always get extra nervous when posting my first fanfic for a new show/game/etc. Thankfully I got quite a few nice comments both on here and on discord that provided good motivation to stick around and post a few more things!

I always panic when asked to tag people lmao but I'll tag @fortheloveofwii for any part of the Onward, Onward series, @lyracordelia for any chapter in Hiraeth or the fic as a whole, and @glassrunner for this absolutely gorgeous gifset of beautiful game soundtracks. Please don't feel like you have to do this if you don't want to though!

[hoopdiddies]

I'm Not Over You // Ben Hardy x Reader (Part 8)

A/N: Ayoooo. Hey guys, here's part 8 and I'm so sorry if the previous chapters kind of frustrated you. I didn't really mean for it to but I hope you enjoy this one. I'll be posting 9 tomorrow or the day atfter. Thanks again for your feedbacks, y'all motivate me a lot ^^ ♥ (My Wi-Fi has prejudice against tumblr rn)

Summary: You had always loved Ben ever since you two met in university and became the best of friends. That feeling went out like a candle flame when the two of you parted ways until he re-entered your life...but this time with someone who has already occupied his heart.

Warnings: Angst, bois. ANGST (I cried like a sucker during one part I wrote 😔) mention of blood, yet again drinking, some speckles of fluff, and unnecessary dialogue if you look closely enough :^ I feel like a terrible writer today

WC: 4k I think?

Tags: As always my taglist is always open uwu

@haendel-me-with-care

@mrsdoradominguez-barnes

@mickmoon

@lakef

@mrsmazzello

@valeriecarolinaw

@queen-turtle-boiii

@hardzzellos

"You look...beautiful." Ben's comment is indeed one thing to start the night. It's not like he's never told you that before–it's just the tone in which he has said it in is...different. A foreign tone never been released from his lips until you. You look up at him through your lashes, giving him a slanted smile accompanied by a bubbly chuckle. "Thanks. You smell nice too."

The corner of his eyes crinkle as his curving lips push them up. As expected, Rosy chimes in between you and Ben almost too quickly, the blurry speed in which she has arrived in making you gasp. "Excuse me, babe. You got interviewers on your tail and I- oh," her brows shoot up upon seeing you, seemingly haughty eyes flicking up and down your outfit in mild contempt.

"Surprised to see you here as well." The smile plastered on her face couldn't be any more forced than it is.

Girl, chill. Anti-aging soaps are not easy to manufacture these days. You begin holding your breath to prevent yourself from bursting into a fit from hearing that thought ring in your head. You shrug, garnering the guts to shift on your heightened stance and lean in an inch close.

"You're not the only one with a celebrity date."

You turn around too early to gauge her reaction, finally exhaling from holding your breath too long. You can finally conclude that she's had an effortless transition from being benign to far from being benign. The smoothest one-eighty you've ever witnessed. You remember her clearly being downright considerate of you the first time you met her yet now is a whole different story. You wonder if she was actually ever considerate.

As the boys and Lucy indulge in brief interviews, you stand behind the scenes and get the first-class chance of conversing with Brian. He's readily the coolest person in the house right now, bantering with you every once in three, fascinating topics. How fortunate are you to be in the spot a million Queen fans would die for but of course, you don't want to leave out Roger who - by a landslide - makes you wish you could wheeze and snort all you want if you weren't in a luxury event such as the Oscars. He seemed intimidating for you at first but as he joined in your talk with Brian, things escalated real quickly.

With the pre-ceremony interviews and the clinking of champagne glasses dampening, you begin hunting for your seats in the theatre.

Before you know it, you are informed that only a specific line of people are given exclusivity for the seats. And it shocks you that Joe, Allen, Ben and Gwilym are not given that card when in fact they were part of the very film that brought forth a new generation of fans.You shake your head disappointingly albeit contented that Rami, Lucy, Brian and Roger and their wives are part of the exclusivity.

Utterly determined to know the results - by Joe's 'sovereign' vote - the rest of you hang around in the waiting area, focusing on the ceremony rights shown on TV. Quietly sitting through the results, you all whoop and applaud at the mention of Bohemian Rhapsody obtaining three awards straight– your cheers amping up a notch as Rami brings home the 'Best Actor' award. Joe begins filming your reactions for Instagram, zooming into Gwilym, Ben and Allen's faces for most of the video. You throw your head back in laughter at how goofy the boys look; a bunch of men in their 30's bouncing up and down with one of them documenting the entire episode. At one point, Gwilym yanks as you in for a group hug, mercilessly crushing you in between their muscles– the disorienting experience now being something you wish you would never undergo again.

As Rami's thank you speech unfolds, you pay attention closely. The sentimentality of him lovingly thanking Lucy for being his anchor after dedicating his award to Freddie Mercury is just overwhelming and you wish you could tear up but your mascara would be waste. You're certain that made Brian and Roger emotional as well.

An hour after the ceremony, you all head down to the Vanity Fair after party in the same limo you had arrived in with every single person in the group eager to get the night progressing. Regardless of saying that these type of parties are not up to your speed, you try to get along with the evening and revel in what you know would be your last night with them. Sadly enough, Roger and Brian had to skip out on this with rough schedules on their hands. The moment they walked out of the place, they spent nearly half an hour congratulating the boys and having other celebrities congratulate them.

As you are seated across Ben and Rosy, you can't help but notice him acting a little distant from her. She's all nuzzled up against his arm and he is nowhere close to returning the favor. He's just...lost in thought, staring out the tinted window. It's still early to assume that in all the hours you were within a close range to them, Ben only ever acted aloof, giving her attention when the situation required it.

Perhaps a lover's tiff took place?

"Yeah, I'm wondering the same thing too." Mimicking your position, Joe calling you back to Earth makes you gasp a little. You close your eyes and look at your fingers blankly after recovering, sighing. "I think we should end all this pretending. It was simply a cop-out in the first place."

"I know," he whispers audibly enough for only you to hear, running his fingers through his fiery, red hair, "you should probably come clean soon enough before you leave."

And that you will. At least, you'll try.

In your defense, you thought the after party would host a fancy banquet but seated around with celebratory drinks -considerable with something classy - and attendees breaking down on the dance floor is a rather okay scene as well. As long as you don't end up like the night you were invited out for a drink with your colleagues, you should be fine for the most part.

The boys and Lucy have fully immersed themselves in the beat of the music while you've decided to remain stationary with one glass of wine, the only glass you'll be having for the rest of the party.

The entire time you gawk at them amusingly as they break out their dance moves, your eyes always find their way to Ben, who makes you snort painfully from all his antics as he moves along with Joe. They're a mess with their ties and buttons undone from all the movement and the sight inspires you to stay put.

But oh dear lord, can Ben dance like an uncle.

Keeping your attention on them, a descending weight sinks down next to you. You pay no mind to whoever it is but do as her voice interrupts your thoughts. "I hope your eye is on the right person, honey." You click your tongue in exasperation, turning your body towards Rosy and her developing, bitchy tendencies, scoffing as you place your drink down to set things straight with her. "First of all, what did I ever do to you to deserve this kind of talk?"

She smacks her lips together at you, simpering. "You didn't think I'd notice?"

"What are you talking about?"

Her almond eyes narrow as if she's trying pin you down with a warning. "Please, don't act like I never noticed. You're overstepping that boundary between you and your best friend- my fiance." Okay, so she's noticed. But your neutralized expression is not going to be giving away anything.

You incline your head to one side in hopes that the facade you're pulling would decompress her suspicion. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Ben is like my brother. "

Grabbing her drink from the table, she sighs and stands up, hands firm on her hips and face silhouetted under the beaming light nevertheless giving you a transpiercing glower in the manner of seeing through the makeshift barrier you've pulled up. "He better be. Try backing off every once in a while when I'm around."

To your dismay, you snap inside, whipping your head up at her and replying sharply to make the message crystal clear. "Rosy, you have no idea." Unable to withstand the atmosphere you're in, you put great emphasis on your words and snatch your drink, walking out to the mini garden to finish what's left of your wine without having to bear being around her.

The question is unadulterated and obvious– bold and italicized if you wish to give it a stretch and clarify it.

Why is Ben still with her?

Is he that clueless not to realize it?

You don't want to pry the answer out yourself but ruminating on it, Rosy pulling off a full one-eighty only when Ben's at an appropriate distance for her to squeeze you between her fingers is just about good as a reason as anything. Your unwavering feelings for Ben are clearly perceived by her– from the way you had reacted the day he introduced you both to each other to not so long ago.

You wonder if Ben ever took heed of her growing attitude towards you.

Finishing your wine in one, immediate, swig, you place it down on the marble surface before you with your fingers cradling the stem of the glass– relishing the spicy liquid flushing down your throat.

At the extent of overexerting themselves, Joe and Gwilym flop down back on their seats like jelly, tuckered out from the unconventional combination of alcohol and unsteady movement. Panting like a dog who had just participated in a marathon, Joe shrugs out of his blazer and tosses it over his shoulder, silently wishing the ice in the bucket that held the bottle of wine would save him from the grinding heat of the wine he had just about five minutes ago.

"Mate, you're deep in the heat." Gwilym comments as it is followed by a gentle laugh on how Joe's glistening in sweat under the dimming lights. He hands him a partially bland look before wiping his forehead with his handkerchief. Lucy and Rami are situated at other end of the place enjoying a chat with another party of people meanwhile Ben and Rosy are nowhere near any of them. Until, of course, they reappear from God knows where and Ben suddenly asks Joe where you've gone.

"I-I don't know." He says after a hefty sigh. Somewhat eager to find you, Ben begins excusing himself from Rosy whom which he has spiked a bitter reaction from for sharing his supposed time for her with you. Fed up and jealous in the slightest, Rosy snaps at him.

"Okay Ben, why do you always have to skip in between minutes to hang out with her even when we're together?"

He pauses from turning around completely and sighs. "She's my friend, babe."

Unwilling to accept his statement, she claims. "Well your friend is getting in the way of what was supposed to be our time together! Can't you set aside a limited time for her?! " This has alarmed Joe and Gwilym but it isn't their business to butt in and stop a quarrel from breaking out. Unless it turns physical, which is doubtful to happen. Ben, a little frustrated but still tolerant of her ongoing skittish behavior, tries to reassure her. "I know that, alright? But something's been bothering her for days and I just want to make sure she's doing alright."

"Can't you leave the worrying to Joe? He's her bloody boyfriend anyway!"

Wagging his forefinger at Rosy, Joe grumbles as he is not having any of her talk, scrunching his brows at her.

Grabbing her shoulders gently, Ben tries to relieve her of tension and assures her once more, but with a well-known fact she obviously still doesn't accept. "Joe's a little drunk. She's like...a sister to me," it really took him an abrupt pause to say 'sister', "besides, you're my fiancee. There's nothing to be jealous about."

"Why does she still have to be a part of your life? Our life?" Now that's a question that has just shifted Ben to a farther side. His brows knit together in momentary disbelief, unable to take her words in a good light. "God, Rosy! She's been around for so long! At least make an effort to accept her!" Like a slap to her conceitedness, Ben turns on his heels and walks out to find you. Leaving Rosy a steaming mess of insecurity.

However slightly drunk, Joe mutters to himself as he makes sure neither Gwilym or especially Rosy hears his words stumble out in a whisper. "You've grown a pair, Ben. You've grown a pair."

You've been outside for nearly half an hour; wine glass empty and your hair, along with the skirt of your dress, drifting along the harmless breeze and the waning moon spilling some light from behind the shaded clouds. Though there were a couple of people that found their way here to get some respite not too long ago, you're just glad to have this space to breathe in from the draining background of the party.

As you lose yourself in thought, a certain voice brings you back to reality.

"Nice night out, huh?"

Turning around slowly, you are met with the cool, forest green irises that you've grown to never tire of seeing. "I'm surprised you're still well-kept in that suit despite the scene back in there. " You give in to a chuckle, your smile pulling Ben to approach your side leisurely. "It's my Oscars suit. Something worthy of protecting."

"Hah!"

As he rests his elbows on the surface next to you, the distance between your skins makes you a tad bit anxious. Comfortable silence falls upon you both– for Ben at least, it's tolerable however you're not taking it well, not even in the slightest. You rub your hands together and sigh, prompting Ben to finally ask you.

"You alright? You've been tensing up lately."

You nod, closing your eyes and opening them afterwards. "This dress is just depleting me of bodily warmth." Half a lie told by you. Acting on his thoughts, Ben begins taking his blazer off but you stop him mid-shrug. "Keep it on. You look better with it on."

"This would look better on you, you're obviously freezing." He's really keen on keeping you warm but you're just as so in letting him keep it on. "I'm serious. Keep it on. I'm fine."

What can he do but just give in? When you're serious, you're serious. He lifts his shoulder in half a shrug, ducking his head as an idea flickers in his head like a bulb. He wants to relive something that has been lost through the years and it's only right that he does...now that you have less than a day to disappear from his life completely.

"Y/N..." He muses gently. You raise your brows at him in question, taken by surprise that he has his hand held out to you. Bewildered, you raise your finger to ask what on Earth he's doing. "What- what are you doing?"

He licks his bottom lip and the smile on his face becomes bashful but certain. "What else does it look like I'm doing, silly girl? Asking you to dance."

You're sorry that you couldn't keep a snort at bay. "Pfft. Ben, I think you're asking the wrong girl."

"Just let me dance with my best friend."

"Wow! That's noble of you," your chuckles can not be contained, even so much as restraining yourself from letting the blush spread throughout your face. But he has the fragments of what was once your heart, so why wouldn't you? You slip your hand in his and the grin on his face widens. "There we go. Easy does it." He breathes out, his voice getting gravelly. You hit him softly on his chest for cooing, at the same time realizing that his voice becomes that way only and only when he's nervous– something uncommon between you both. As his hands find home on your waist, you throw your arms around his neck, laughing at how awkward yet funny it feels. What a huge nod to how you danced with him on Homecoming.

"You're so weird sometimes. You got your fiancee, why don't you dance with her?" Getting used to the sting of referring to Rosy, you question anyway. He initiates with a sway before responding. "I already have. But, " he diverts his heavy-lidded eyes from staring off the distance to yours and suddenly, it feels like you're home, "I want to finish that Homecoming dance."

You find yourself speechless as you shift your unflinching gaze at him and he at you, your bodies swaying along the concrete and in perfect sync, coincidentally to the sudden change in music from inside, compared to the bittersweet night you had before the day that parted you both. Thin silence hangs in the atmosphere but only because you are looking at each other in a way you never have in your entire lives.

Instinctively, you break your gaze from his and rest your head on his chest, your hair falling into your face as your eyes screw shut. You hear his heart skip a beat, unusually in the same manner yours always has. Feeling your head follow the rise and fall of his chest tickles you inside– temporarily making you forget about the pain of soon letting him go and producing a sense of safety.

Maybe it's because of exhaustion? You wonder. He doesn't hesitate to stroke your hair and revel in the moment as well, easing you in closer to his body without breaking the sway. "You'll be there on my wedding day, right?" He asks nervously, his question pulling you back to the harshest reality.

You open your eyes slowly, your lips trembling as you let out the saddest sigh, feeling your chest tighten from the anxiety of soon telling him the truth.

"Y/N?" Your tensed-up body alarms him and so he breaks away and lifts your chin up lightly, being met with glossy and regretful eyes. His messy brows drawing together in slight worry. "What's wrong?"

Everything.

However uneager to push him away, you do, escaping his warm embrace. "Ben, I..."

He's dreading for your answer, painfully anticipating for the best or the worst to the point where his hands are lubricating with sweat.

You swallow the lump that has hardened in the back of your throat, pressing your lips together to prevent a sob from escaping and shunning his prying stare. "I can't..."

Joe's half-assed predicted, worst case scenario is slowly unfolding.

"What are you saying? You're not- you're not going...to be there?"

You bite down on your lip hard enough to make it swell, shaking your head and casting a sideways glance.

"Why?"

Tell the truth. Just tell him and you're either getting a support or another jab to the heart.

"Y/N, please! Tell me why!"

"I'm leaving, Ben!" The words didn't seem to stumble or carelessly flop from your lips, in fact it speared through him clean thereby catching him off guard. His eyes have fallen gravely, lips parted due to shock.

"I got into a medical school I had previously applied for. And I'm leaving," you snap your eyes shut and open them in tears once you've looked up at him, "on your wedding day."

"Why didn't- why didn't you ever tell me?" He's pleading for your explanation, barely clinging on to the belief that you would always tell him things.

You don't answer as you are battling to muster up the courage to say it.

"Y/N, please! You never tell me anything these days! And this- this news, it's important! You're leaving on the day I need you the most, and you never bothered to squeak a word about it! Not a single, bloody word! Why?!" He's racked up with disbelief and apparently, anger. Eyes rimmed, clouded with mixed emotions and face full-blown red from the pressure.

He grabs you by the shoulders and pleads heartbreakingly, his lively voice reduced to but a whisper. "Why..."

"I-" You're still holding back.

"Say it! "

"You'd soon forget about me, Ben!" You inhale sharply as you add, croaks present in your voice while you take two steps further away from him as you lament. "I'm hopelessly in love with you, you idiot! I've always been. I try- I try to brush off every single prick that stems out every minute I realize that you already belong to someone else..."

"Y/N-"

"I figured not telling you would help me let go. And it's the only way I can...because screw you for being a clueless, irreplaceable bloke! I can't imagine my bloody life without you in it! I don't think I can ever love anybody else...but you, "

"Y/N..."

You don't let him finish and achingly throw your hands to your chest as a gesture, pounding your chest thrice as you're finally wearing your heart on your sleeve. "I can't blame you for being oblivious to my feelings. You're committed to Rosy...and as much as I want to see you happy, I don't want to stand idly by and- and feel this way when you've pledged your heart to her...I want to forget and for you to forget me," As the warm tears you've held back for so long roll down your cheeks, you hug yourself through the pain, "I want you to be happy without worrying how I'd feel. And disappearing from your life, is the only way I know how..."

"Y/N, please, don't say that- don't do this...you can't do this...you c-can't..." With hands shaking, he strides towards you to haul you in back into his arms but you take an agonizing step away, stopping him in his tracks. "I have to. I...I want to. It hurts so much, Ben. It always has but promise me," even if you have taken a step away, you take it upon yourself to take those steps close to him and cup his cheek with a cold hand, "promise me you'll revel in that happiness. It's going to hurt being away from you. But it's going to hurt even more if I stay. And watch...my best friend grow old with someone else." Finally rendering him wordless, you shake your head and whisk past him back into the party which has died down a bit, leaving him a pondering mess out under the bleak sky.

"How could I be happy without you..."

You'd gladly do anything to go back home right now. The weight of what just took place is crushing you and the need to escape is fuming. But the thing is, Ben was never one to let you go easy.

He never did and possibly never will.

He sniffles and inhales sharply, jogging in after you and calling out your name amidst the constant noise and chatters. "Y/N, wait!"

You reach your table just in time to see everyone still gathered around with drinks raised and laughs released but you have to excuse yourself deliberately. "Y/N? Where have you been? What's the rush?" Lucy notices your hastened movement and places her hand on your tense shoulder. You snap your head at her with your purse in your grasp, shaking your head and apologizing that you have to leave, forgetting to rid your eyes of tears; the sight of you amping up Lucy's concern therefore leading you into her embrace. "Oh my god, are you okay? What happened?"

"Y/N!"

Ben's distant but audible voice echoing through the place just sends you panicking inside. "I'm so sorry, Luce. I have to go."

"Y/N, wait! What's wrong?"

Just as the rest could react to Lucy calling out for you and Ben dashing past them to catch up, you've already disappeared into the crowd, headed out the theatre to take a cab ride back to the hotel. Relentless to let you go, Ben follows your trail, spurring a quick frenzy from the rest and having them pursue Ben in return. Once you reach the outskirts of the pavements, you don't think twice before crossing the highway with your focus hardened before you.

Gasping for air upon exiting the theatre, Ben glances around in haste and finally spots you marching down the street oblivious to your surroundings despite treading along the pedestrian lane. His eyes widen in dread and acting on a fight or flight reaction, he yells for your attention as he speeds down the street to pull you in or rather save you from a possibility of getting hurt with all the rushing vehicles and careless drivers. "Y/N! Y/N!"

The boys, Lucy and Rosy arrive outside just in time to witness Ben race towards your direction and in a moment of feeling time slow down, you feel your heart in your throat at the late flash of nearing headlights, to add a heavy force propelling you off your feet and onto the other side of the road. What gets you up from the ground are the mixed screams of a familiar bunch and the sight of a bloodied man in white laying unconscious on the cold surface of the road.

White noise suddenly fills your ears instead of your own voice as you scream out his name.