#I DID SOMETHING.... somethibg....

[dank-ovsky]

pathologicfest day 1 - from the other side

꓄ꃅꍟꋪꍟ ꀤꌗ ꈤꂦꈤꍟ ꂵꂦꋪꍟ ꂵꀤꌗꍟꋪꍏꌃ꒒ꍟ ꓄ꃅꍏꈤ ꓄ꃅꍟ ꀸꍟꍏꀸ

[unnonexistence]

everything happens so much

[rustedgate]

Idk I feel guilty for having responsibilities but still like. Prioritizing myself I guess? Like I can't let myself have fun if I'm in trouble

[jjcocker]

i mean this sooo patiently. Stop talking

[xaila-space]

SAMS Talk

Ik a lot of SAMS characters have sinned before and have to or already have gotten karma for it.

I've seen people hate on earth, moon, nexus, sun (not many), ruin , eclipse sometimes even solar and the list goes on

And ik not a lot of people will see this but i would love to hear peoples opinions

Wich comes to my question (and i dont want people to be going after others for their opinion on this)

What would be the perfect and FAIR punishment you would want the characters you hate in SAMS/EAPS to have and why?

Now notice how i wrote Fair

I dont want to just see "yeh he deserves to rot in hell because he is bad" or somethibg like that, i want a punishment and a reason that is just reasonable and fair if y'know what i mean

Lets take Ruin as an example

In my eyes i think a fair punishment for his selfish crime (destruction 5000 dimensions and using lies to decive others and so on) would be to never see his loved one (Rusty/his monty) again, or something like that

This may sound boring but i really just want to see others thoughts and how they see things

From what i have been posting on this acc it may seem like i favour nexus a lot but thats not really it. I just can see why he turned out the way he did and i can also see the damage he did to the others. So its not really favourtism (not much-) but more i like to ramble about him.

So feel free to give him a fair punishment too

[pinetrees-in-the-water]

what if ej x gn blind reader??😏

Anon your brain is so huge.... Im basically writing fanfic here but AAAAAAA

(Edit: Oh my god I noticed the smirking emoji way too late yall please be specific with wanting NSFW or SFW I was well Into fluff territory before I realized and I still can't tell what anon means, but SFW and NSFW under the cut)

Thank you for the request!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

◇EJ x GN! Blind Reader◇

• So EJ CAN see but his vision is more akin to like...cat night vision. Only sees in shades of gray.

• Basically the man is colorblind.

• He takes advantage of it and only hunts in the night, scouting out houses for possible victima to soothe his demonic hunger or or contract kills for The Operator.

• So when he's creeping around a what he thinks is an abandoned house and sees you walking around in the dark, his heart stops.

• Naturally, being blind has led to your other senses improving over time and you're barely able to hear a creak that DEFINATELY wasn't you.

• You grab the kitchen knife and reach for your phone in your pocket just in case you need to dial a neighbor or the cops.

• You hadn't turned around yet so EJ didnt notice you were blind, he tried silently moving towards you to knock you out when-

• "DON'T COME ANY CLOSER I CAN HEAR YOU!" You swung around with the knife in your hand. EJ saw your closed eyes and realized his mistake.

• "Hey hey Im sorry. Im not gonna hurt you. Ill get out right now." He pretty much bolted out the window leaving you confused.

• You DID call someone over to check and yeah...he left.

• Weeks later you found a note in braille at your door apologizing for the incident, you were shocked at the amount of effort this intruder was taking to amend his actions, he also explained that he'd been completely blind before and understood how terrifying it must have been.

• You don't know what possessed you but you wrote back and left your letter in the same place you found his. Thus started a pattern of you both writing back and forth.

• Eventually you both came to care alot for each other, you found out he was a part of a sort of task force and had killed before, but he wanted to "Spare you the gory details" so you didn't find out more for a while.

• He started helping you in small ways, fetching you groceries, running small errands since it was a hassle to get around with your condition, you aporefuated the kindess that was rare from other people. And slowly started falling for him, and maybe it was the way he wrote, soft yet deep voice or his constant compliments but it felt like he was falling for you too.

• Even though you couldn't see him, you wanted to meet him again in person (without the breaking and entering) and tell him how you felt. And so you did.

• He agreed but something was off even as you both laughed in the kitchen while baking, his hands..no his skin was ice cold. And even if he was talking and laughing with you he seemed unusually nervous, you could hear the tapping off his foot.

• When yoy asked him if somethibg was wrong he couldn't take it anymore and broke. He told you about his past and qhen he was turned in college, the ritual that put a demon inside of him and how he had no choice but to break into morgues and scout for the "morallly corrupt" so the demon had a source of food, it had turned him into a cannibal.

• At first you thought he was making fun of you and that it was some kind of joke, but before you could get mad his chilled hands took yours.

• "Do you trust me? Ill show you... I promise im not lying"

•You dont know what made you say yes but you did. He took your hands and put them on his face so you could feel his features which were definately human..and after you were done his face started to morph, skin splitting and his jaw unhinging to reveal what felt like razor-sharp teeth.

• His mouth closed as soon as it opened. He tried pulling away and running but you didn't want him to this time.

SFW:

• As said above Jack loves providing acts of service for you. Groceries? Cooking? Cleaning? call him your malewife because he's doing ALL of it.

• Of course he doesn't treat you like some helpless child and respects when you qant to do things yourself but still always offers just in case.

• After you both properly get together and you know his past hes noticibly more physically affectionate while making sure not to startle or scare you with sudden touches.

• Takes EXTRA precaution to make sure youre out of The Operator's radar since youre at a bit of a disadvantage (a tad overprotective)

• kisses you on your eyelids (kicking my legs and screaming)

NSFW:

• Regardless of who he's with he's a soft dom (Im tired of yall slandering my man's name HES A SWEET BOY.)

•Jack is so gentle. Mainly because he's terrified of doing something wrong.

•He's a big boy at 6'5 so a good chance hes taller than you, and hes somewhat muscular too so he's aware theres a huge imbalance in your relationship and checks in on you every once in a while to make sure youre okay with him doing anything.

• He has 3 tongues.....need I say more?

•Goes down on you VERY often, somwtimes gets a bit carried away and overstimulates you

•Even if you can't see him he ALWAYS ALWAYS compliments how pretty/handsome you look during sex.

• Sensory deprivation but just....always.

• Despite being majorly soft that doesn't mean hes not an absolute tease in bed. 100% makes you beg. And definately takes advantage of tue fact that you cant see what he's gonna do next.(Will feel guilty if you accuse him of bullying you for being blind)

[sleepy3012]

Hello nieghbor Fan Fic: welcome to your new home (part 2)

Summary: Enzo tries to find a way out of this place.

Enzo plays with the toys trying to keep himself from going crazy in the place. He had alot of thoughts in his mind, it felt like the room was closing up on him. How could he be this stupid he thought.

Just then the door to his "room" opened snd saw Leslie with a couple of tools on a tray..was this a hospital now?

"W..w..whats that..?" He asks in a nervous tone.

"Boss said to give u a bit of a doze" Leslie stated as he held up a syringe.

Enzo backed up onto his bed he did NOT like people pinching him NOR did he like shots.

"I....i dont like ..s..shots..Leslie" says Enzo

"I know..but its just a little pinch..u wont feel a thing kid"

Enzo witness Leslie coming closer to him which made him even more nervous.

"Just stay calm...this will just keep your mind a little busy and not focusing on escaping, look on the bright side you'll be able to go outside if you let me do this."

Enzo didn't even have time to move when he felt a sharp pain inter his left shoulder. Enzo felt like crying, he did want to cry.

Enzo wanted to scream, pout, and bite...but he didn't. He just sat there watching as Leslie injected him with something. Enzo couldn't feel his legs anymore, he felt his brian going all over the place.

He tried to stand up but Leslie did not let that happen, he pushed Enzo back down on the bed and kissed his forehead..

Dont try to move to much..it can hurt your body and dont try to think about Escaping because it'll make your brain hurt a lot." With that Leslie left the room.

Enzo wanted to think, he wanted to think about his sister, his friends, his parents, but he couldn't. His brain made it more difficult to do that.

Minutes passed and Enzo felt a knock on the door it was Principal Abanate. Not like Enzo could do anything so he just layed there motionless on the bed.

"How do you feel? Do want some water darling?" She asked with a warm smile on her face

Enzo just noded, he wanted to say somethibg but all that came out his mouth was groans and growls, he couldn't even under stand what his was saying at this point.

He felt Abanate sit him up and handed him a cup of water, before she could even react Enzo stated to drink so much that he felt like he was drowning.

But he didn't care he was thristy like a dog who has been in a desert for a long peroid of time without any water.

"The boss is going to come and give you a little present for you, I think you'll like it, and also why aren't you wearing any clothes?" She asks

Enzo felt a bit emberessed and just pointed at the basket with his old clothes inside, He remebers Leslie say something about Other new clothes and that it would suit him?

He barely remembers anything now he saw crow face come in and signaled Abanate to leave and she did, he wanted to move but couldn't as crow face came closer to him he pulled out a box.

It was black with a white ribbon on it.

"Go ahead open it" He said

Enzo slowly open the box and when he does he finds a bracelet, why the hell would crow face give him a bracelet?

"With this bracelet, it'll show me where you are at anytime. This way I won't lose you even if you go far far away. I'll. Still. Find you."

Those words made him shiver in fear but what if he took it off? It'll be easy peasy..WRONG

"And if you try to tale it off it'll give you a little..how do I say this...A little shock..wanna try?" Crow face stated with his voice in a playful tone.

Enzo idmedaly shook his head in fear, He tried to pull away but it was to late the bracelet was already on his wrist.

"I'll be back to give you some food you must be starving" with that crow face stood up walked to the door and left.

'No' Enzo thought 'I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!'

Enzo tried to get up but stumbled down of the floor, He remembered that in his pocket there was a phone...not any phone the walkie talkie that could Contact the team!

He crawled his way to the basket and searched in the basket...Well it was his lucky day Because he found it.

Enzo sighed in relief and crawled his way to the door when he tried to open it..It wasn't locked. He crawled his way to an Exit Until Someone unexpected call his name.

"Enzo? What are you doing out here? It was Mayor Tavish

"Yeah kid let me carry you back to your room..maybe i'll even give you a nice warm showe-" before Leslie could finish

Enzo used all his strenth to get up and ran as fast as he could to an Exit, he didn't stop to look back he could hear Leslie catching up to him with his police stick.

Enzo turned on the walkie talike hoping someone to anwser, Enzo felt he voice gain back and he screamed to the walkie talkie.

"MARITZA, TRINITY, DELROY, IVAN? HELP ME!"

Enzo didn't stop running he felt like he was about to pass out he felt blood run down his nose he started to see everything in blur but again he didn't care he kept runing even tho it all hurted.

He did not stop runing he wanted a hug from his parents all he wanted to do was go home.

Thats all he wanted....

[mashithamel]

The Thief: JR Ward, Black Dagger Brotherhood

* Sola, my dear, it appears Assail is actually doing the work on his redemption arc. However, should you wish, at any time, to stop this story in its tracks, I will always have a place for you to come hide and I’ll lie about your whereabout when he comes looking for you. I have your back on this.

* We know V is not a talker, and Jane is a good doctor but may tend to overlook the emotional impact of big things (this is *not* me implying, in any way, that Jane is less than perfect of course). But did he even try??? Like, the bare minimum??? Gah.

* I mean, isn’t it Butch’s job to step in if needed?

* “He had to do something or the pressure inside was going to consume him—and the fact that he didn’t even think to talk to Jane about what was going on with him? It was hard to know if that was a symptom or the disease itself. Hell, maybe it was more practical than that. Her priorities were many, her time was few, and in the grand scheme of things, as this hateful war ground to its bloody conclusion, whatever that looked like, everyone was better off with her treating her patients rather than trying to save him from himself.” Dude.

* “Ruhn, Saxton’s mate” I’M SORRY WHAT DID I MISS????? WAIT THERE IS ANOTHER SERIES THAT CROSSES OVER WITH THIS AND I’M JUST SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT IT??? Saxton, my beloved! I’m so happy for you! (*rushing to library app to get caught up*)

* I will give Assail’s cousins a ton of credit for tracking down Sola to make the decision about Assail.

* Publix shout out for the Floridians!

* Sola’s grandmother and Assail’s cousins is quite possibly the most wholesome relationship in the series. Drug-dealing murderers aside.

* Fine, time to bring out the big guns, Sola thought. “He’s not Catholic.” “He will convert.” Lol. I fully believe all three of them would sit right beside Butch and Manny every week if vovo said they should.

* A Payne mention! Wait, why is she not routinely fighting?

* I…can we please stop stuffing stuff in the mouths of seizing pts? They can’t choke on their tongues. They may bite tongues or cheeks, but you trying to shove somethibg in there is probably going to make it worse.

* “Or better yet he would die with honor, protecting those he loved in battle—which now numbered three, he realized: Evale, Assail…and this human woman.” Oh no. Do not tell me this male is not counting Vovo among the people he loves. He would absolutely go to the mat for that woman.

* Sola, your admission of love is very sweet and romantic. But as far as you know he’s still a drug lord. And there’s that little thing about being a vampire. And that this isn’t cancer but an effect of cocaine abuse. This is going to blow up spectacularly, isn’t it. I wonder who will spill the beans first?

* “There was also quality time to be had with his female. Extending a hand, he put his palm on the cover of the ancient tome that had proven to be the means to his ends. “My love,” he murmured as he closed his eyes.” Nope. Nope, nope, nope. I don’t like it. Oh my god. This scene is going to make me throw up. 🤮

* Someone really, really needs to break it to Sola that Assail isn’t terminal any more. Like, really. Right now.

* Not a fan of Vitoria. Can we skip all her sections?

* I’m really glad Jane and V did not drag out their separation more than a day or two.

* “Even if Marisol could evolve into the reality, her grandmother with her traditions and her strict codes and her God was never going to get there.” Are we talking about the same woman who packed up her granddaughter to go back to the murdering, drug-dealing ex? The one who is perfectly fine with the fact that these guys only want to go to mass and ger her groceries at night? Who buys extra packages of ghost peppers cause the guys like them? You really think she’s gonna crack because you all are vampires? Please. Vovo is way stronger than that. She probably knows already. Moron.

* Well, V was planning to work out some aggression with Payne, but never fear, she doesn’t actually show up on page or, god forbid, have any lines. Even though half this book is about V and his mommy issues.

* Wait, we don’t get Payne in person, but we get Havers? WTF? Does JR Ward hate me personally?

* Two days for syncope evaluation. The observationalist inside me is dying. At least he’s not ordering a carotid ultrasound, I hope?

* I cannot believe Lassiter would not enjoy My Little Pony. It is such a good show (excent the last season that kinda jumped the shark). Pinkie Pie is the best!

* Did we just make up the holy water in the bullets thing? Cause that feels like it was made up on the spot for this.

* Hey, Muhrder! Long time no see.

* “But no matter what happened, she had made sure her male was safe. Because that was what real women did. Real women didn’t wait for their dragon slayers to come save them.” I’m conflicted in that I don’t condone execution style murder (or any murder, really) but Vitoria needed to die and asap, so justice served? Good thing they are Catholic and she can just go to confession?

Bottom line: Assail needs a new job, Solas back in town and making ethically terrible decisions, and her grandmother in just the best.

Rating: three out of five unnecessarily painful rituals

[zimzimgar]

So I finally got around to watch Nimona. Cause I should be doing my physics stuff. But I don‘t wanna so I procrastinated. And then got two Nimona clips while doomscrolling. and decided to finally watch it.

and it was great. it was all that I heard and hoped. and for me honestly even more. but that comes later.

so first of the animation is of course brilliant. its consistent and sharp and beautiful. but what I really noticed was that everyone looks consistent … except Nimona. And I am not talking about the shapeshifting. What I mean is that the other characters adhere to thir character model. None of the exagaration in expression normally found in animation, but all stay with expressions that they could make. But Nimona doesn't adhere to a model. but maybe thats just somethibg I thought up. Would have to rewatch again(which I might do) to get a good look at it. but this makes Nimona stand out so much more I think and ir was a great artistic choice, if I am not imagining it up right now.

The humor was splendid. Not just the jokes. But also their timing. And their appropriateness(? Is that a word?). I laughed a lot during this movie. But the thing that stood out to me was that I didn‘t laugh at inappropriate times. The dramatic and impactful scenes were kept dramatic and impactful. There were no quipped oneliners thrown in where they don‘t belong. And that is something I miss in movies. It started with Marvel movies, or at least that’s were I started noticing it(in Avengers 1 to be precise.), and making its way into other movies as well. And I slowly started to watch less movies and series as this kept going.

That‘s actually one of the reasons I didn‘t watch it for so long. Because so many people told me „It’s so funny!“ „You‘re going to laugh so much!“ and so on. That I was afraid it would be the same here. And I did laugh. But I think this is a really sad and tragic movie in the end. And here it gets personal for me.

I believe that the end. (Spoilers from here on out BTW if that wasn‘t obvious). That that little scene where Nimona obviously came back should have been left out. Because while the movie obviously shows that anyone can find acceptance. That anyone should be accepted. That hate and bigotry and racism and all the other isms actively hurt our society. The main message that I took away from this is one that I had to learn the hard way.

Once someone is gone. It’s too late to change your opinion of them. They will have known you as the person you were in your last interaction. And this does not mean that you shouldn‘t change. You should. You should always strive to be better. To live so you do not regret things. But not because it will fix what you did to them. But because you should have been better and weren‘t. And there is no fixing that, only making sure you never repeat the mistake.

There was a time in my life that I thought about ending it. I didn‘t in the end thankfully. But I am also the person that regrets not spending more time with my friend before they died. I believe if this movie had been out back then, and I could have brought myself to watch it. It would have helped me immensely. (To be honest my sister would have my sister would have probably forced me to watch it).

I can only recommend this movie to anyone. Especially those strugglibg with depression and loss. Also with strugglibg to find who they are, in regards to sexuality, gender, and also just not knowing who they are. Watch the movie if you haven‘t already.

[radio-frequencies]

can i see somethibg you wrote… :33

-🎠

“I uh.... Don’t have anything with me right now....”

He does seem rather disappointed that he isn’t able to share. If he did have something, I can assure you it’d just be a thinly veiled self insert thing.

[felidaefatigue]

i dont mean this in an angey spouse way but there IS somethibg funny about how my bf consistently gets up 30m before he has to leave and as far as i can tell 1) gets dressed 2) makes an espresso 3) feeds the cat and then does phone stuff and leaves.

in my 30m i usually change outfits at least twice, makeup, make breakfast, maaaybe make espresso if i actually get up on time and not 10m past my alarm, grab some sort of leftover for lunch or make something real quick, get the cat water, pack art stuff into bag, then leave.

But if i get up earlier, like today, when he leaves cause couldnt sleep, did ALL that, also changed the garbage, gathered up recycling, did liliths litter/tied up compost, made whole ass fried rice with veggies n shit, and still had time to sit on my phone while eatin my bagel. got dam.

[jjcocker]

guhguh ghuh Ok random thought agaaai n.. Yes uts rockers and for once i Wont be traumatizing jj more than I already do. Bc this time its cc babyyyy

I onlh add content warnings when im mid typing thepost. But still. cws for mentions/sorta descriptions of parental abuse (mainly verbal. but i mention physical too)

so this isss more bc I wana imagine a deftones animatic (again its w rhe song i mentioned; be quiet and drive)

uhh ok. So umm

cecil (I'm not gonna be super decisive in names. I like to call him cecil toooo but I wnna hold on tocalling him satoshi i donr KNOW) is the youngest of his family

I hc his family to be. A lot of people. (from youngest to oldest; him, pitcher, tj snappers girlfriend, megamix soshi, fever cd soshi, tengoku soshi (yes i think theyre all different soshis,. Srocker himself counts as one), pierce/pcg)

and he was also the last person to still live with his parents. Mainly bc he's the youngest yes . And he was. Definitely not seen as like. successful by his parebts standards? Idk what I mean I treid to sleep rn But yhen i thiught of thsi post and then. And then ySha)... he Needs like some support. Support that his pparents dont entirely give (read: DONT GIVE AT ALL). So he'd really struggle. and he was treated like shit for most of jis lifetime. He was always seen as a slob bc. OH OOH what if all his oldet siblings were like "prodigies" n stuff. and for a moment he was set up to be one (idk maybe. go ona whole different career) but idk Something took a toll on him and he just. started falling back while everyone else was out there Making It In Life. and his mom used Everyone Else to compare w him. sometimes even in front of the person hes comparing him with which would only make stuff. More awkward ( pierce as an example. Imagine ur mom is berating ur like 13 year old brother and comparing him to you (you are 27 years old with a job))(ages are just a randim throwaround I'm not sure just hwo okd I'll make all of them be but. yeahh its Like That)

he was constantly treated like a lazy couch potato guy. Oh yea also his mom did Not like when hed do guitar lessons. idk she just didnt see him making music as something worth anything. after all he's falling behind so Hard compared to his siblings ..

shed call him a lost cause- because "how can you Still Live with your mother, youre 20! you couldve been like pierce! or like sou! or like-" ok yeah u get itt... idk I think his mom jsut sees him as wasted talent. someone with so much potential only to waste it all on uh. *checks notes*. His hobbies. so everyday it was just getting insulted, feeling like a dead weight and burden 2 his mom (bc the way she'd talk and act to him was . Like that? yk) bc he couldve gotten out of that place quicker had he not been A Slob™. (he is 22 and is medium support needs)

i uh. Okay this will be a bit more extreme.

uh ever since he was .. like 9 he'd get Hit for not doing things right.

somethibg that would still happen sometimes even as he reached adulthood bc. I dont know actually his mom's just A Bitch.

idk howw exactly but uh eventually he has a big argument w her which ends w him like. really battered and bruised. and he gets kicked out of the house. the only thing he was allowed to take though was his guitar (which she Ruined) and the clothes he was wearing.

he calls jj (theyre Friends by here) and asks to stay @ his place. not revealing the reason why bc he didnt wanna worry her. Which she goes "yea sure I'm actually Drivin' (like the kk slider song HEEHEE) rn so I can pick you up there !"

so hes like. SHITSHITAHITSHITHSIT bc then he'd have to explain everything to jj but can't really. do anything. so she comes there and ahes like. "hii ccHOLY SHIT? ARE YOU ALRIHJT" .. when hte last thing cc wanted was for jj to worry about himm so je only felt Guilt. he just lies "yea I ummm.... Got too silly ^_^". she doesnt pressure him to like say much but like. idk they trust eachotuer enough to like. truly open up about stuff. which he does.

"...and,, yeha thats all! and thatsss how I just. kinda lost my home :P"

"Can i kill your mom"

"WHUH"

and yeah.. she drives off and hes finally far away from everything. Okay thats it!!! sorry for all this

[things-are-heating-up]

There is nothing more discouraging than no engagement and no appreciation to something you've spend hours on making. How many artists have you see literally crying or quoting all together because all they got was 15 likes?

Think about similar situation in your life: was it not worth it to have someone tell you that you did a good job? Were you never frustrated because someone else got praised for doing something but you never got that treatment?

And if you don't engage with the art, it doesn't spread. And why would you keep something you allegedly love so much only to yourself? Why don't you want it to go to people who too will express love to somethibg you already know and adore?

Trust me when I says a single simple comment can make your favourite artist's day. Share it, be unhinged, say it in your native language if you want, just SAY IT. Tell them what you liked about their work, point out cute things like the signature star shaped twinkle on the eye. Ask them why they did certain things, ask about process and praise, praise, PRAISE them.

If their work makes you happy, make them happy too.

If you're a creator and you needed to hear this today:

You have no idea how many people lurk on your work. No idea how many times people go back to revisit your work. How big they smile when they simply think about your work. How fast their heart beats, how excited they get when they see that you posted something.

People are shy with their feedback. Sometimes it’s because they’re simply shy. Other times it’s because they assume you already know how great and talented you are. Could be both.

My point is, even if you barely have any likes or reblogs, don’t get discouraged. You have a lot of silent fans, but they are still your fans. Keep on creating. Because there is always someone out there who will love what you have made.

[maxtotherad]

somethibg to be said here about the morality of the situation. Maybe I shouldnt have left maybe that makes me a bad person or a bad man but I'm not sure if I really care because I'm not very good at being a man anyways. I feel a lot of guilt for what I did to Joey and I'm not sure how to really grapple with this. Sure I could just kill his dad I guess. What do you want me to do. Everyone is always the same person to me expect for when they aren't. People don't get to exist unless they're directly in front of my face. Joey is his dad, and his dad is my dad, and my dad is me, and I'm Joey, and Joey is his dad and. It's all the same really. What is any man if not just his father coming back wrong I guess. I don't know you put me in a room with that grown adult boy and look at what you made me do. I didnt want to be violent or mean. I never really want to be anything. I do just want to sit here and work on my little projects. I never really ask for anything different. Sometimes I forget that my mom didn't care because I don't really even talk to her like that anymore. Joey is kind of a faggot because he really is more like his mom then his dad, which is kind of funny if you think about it. I never spent a lot of time with Mrs Hall but when I was she was smashing my head into walls just like her son was. I don't know. I'm just like my dad though I smashed the beer bottle over his head. I don't know where things start and stop being incest. If you think about it fucking Joey is sort of like indirect incest, because we are both always fucking each other, and our dads are doing that. I don't know why I bitch about that part like it means anything, my dad hasn't done that to me since I was like 14. I don't really know what I'm grappling with here. I feel like I always have the fisher price building blocks in front of me to play nice with, but I never do a good job at it. I want to be a good person. I don't know. Am I freak for talking about that man as often as I do? I feel bad because I feel like there's other people I should be talking about but I never talk about them. It's keeping me up. I don't think I have it in me to apologize to him I have too much pride in not willing to manup. I think I might have been soul mates with that man in a wierd fucked up way if your objective in life was to torment your soul mate until he killed himself. I don't like thinking about that. I genuinely feel tied to him in ways that make me shake when I hold the razor. I could shave my face but I won't because I don't really even know how to do it without Joey. I talk big talk but man Joey did not take a lot of bullets for me but he sure did take a lot of them with me. I guess it's fine. Habit says he likes my facial hair that's reasuring. I should visit Micheal, I don't know what kind of advice I need, but his words would be reaurirng. I need something. Jehovah knows I need something. Lord throw me a bone. Preferably with some meat on it. I'm happy. I like it here. It's safe it's warm, and I love habit, but sometimes it keeps me up at night that I had to leave him die to get here. It's not that i personally think I'm undeserving of all his love and adoration and his care and his charm but I had to put joeys blood on my hands to get here. That's kind of sick. I don't really feel regret about abandoning people because normally I'm not actually abandoning them they are just being dramatic and I'm just moving on but I really did abandon him. I think I deserve to be hit with 39t9395849 cars. All I did for like two years was that. I want my PS4 back bitch. I don't care if you broke it I want it back. I'm not mad because I can't be because if I'm mad I'm just my dad. He cried like a girl at my window. I moved in with him. Talk about a true gentleman (me). I love myself because I just have to tell myself every person who was relevant to me loved me once I guess. If I'm not competent and coherent and confident enough I'll just die. I love the men that walk into my life more then I love myself. The ony thing keeping me from killing myself is probably habit

[nightfallsystem-moved]

okayyy maybe. this is an exercise i did and ive seen posts od yours that are like i need to challenge myself and to challenge myself i need to suffer. or something? but anyways this is somethibg i did. whenever i drew i felt a knot in my chest and i kept avoiding it whcih was weird i was scared i was falling out of having art as a hobby when i thought id do it forever! so i took a step back and was like do i imagine myself doing art. and how do i feel about it. and i didnt and when thinking about art i felt bad so i decided to. just draw whatever. whenever i thought about it i restarted. just doing the art i found fun made art wayy easier for me. and idk if this is helpful but i hope it is and basically my message is if you have fun itll be way easier to improve. and people honesly love experimental art!!! or at least tumblr users. and your designs arereally cool and i think whatever art you do at least ill like:) and im sure many others will too

i rlly appreciate this!! honestly yeah,,, thhe thing its hard to have fun wtih anything since ive been unhappy forever... i think some of my art is fun at least. i like finishing fully rendered paintings the fancy ones r nice to finish....

i try my best to have fun even iif i dont desrve it but im unhappy all thhe time so havign fun is rlly hard,,, but most of my art is stuff i make for mysself so i should be having fun i think

ty :3 sorry if my response is bad im half asleep

[15ktherapy]

I got a text earlier from my instructor saying I didn’t sign somethibg and I needed to turn it in by 12 or bad things will happen and I was like I signed that have I missed something and she’s like let me get back to u w that and she never did. so. Um. Hopefully bad things Won’t happen