#I DID NOT HAVE TO DETAIL IT . YET I ONLY DO THIS IN SHIP CHARTS

[cosmicdenro]

HI i last did this in August

[2sleepy4dis]

╰┈➤ ❝ Chain/OC Pairing! ❞

┊ ➶ ｡˚ ° Warning! Long list of Chain/OC pairing ahead! Ahah!

┊ ➶ ｡˚ ° Just a notice, the OCs do have a name I, however, just referred to them in this post with their title to make them recognizable easily! Next time, I'll post a little short fanfic individually 😊

Four/Seamtress

I make you guess to which I took the seamstress inspiration

Four and Seamstress met when they were children. Seamstress' family travels around the land and sells their fabrics, outfits and products.

Edited: Four and Seamstress before the Minish Cap event.

Four went to relax in the field after he helped his grandpa at the work, not bothering to change his torned clothes.

Seamstress saw him decided to help him.

During this, she found that he is the grandson of a blacksmith while Four got to see Seamstress' parents works (from clothes to jewelry).

There on forth, Seamstress always looked after the boy with green tunic whenever they visit Hyrule Town.

During the FourSword Adventure, Seamstress got targeted by Shadow because she's close to Four (to which I won't go in details now because I'm going to write a fanfic of it)

one of my favourite. why? because I'm into elf/gnome trope, except seamstress is not a gnome but she's taller than Four and I adore the idea of them being lovey-dovey. Four not minding to be lifted up by Seamstress and Seamstress sitting to lean on Four whenever she's tired.

Wholesome, loud, very supportive of each other. Seamstress loves watching Four smithing (helps him when she can). And also want to impress him with her works like little plushies that kinda reminds of Four the picori.

Warrior/Inventor

I got inspired by the sheika from botw!

Also one of my favourite but for different reason.

Inventor is a son of biiiiscuit— you gonna hate him. He boast and is cocky. Arrogant mf and only love his inventions.

Warrior wonders why Cia didn't targeted this dude yet

Inventor have many projects but sadly is more ahead of time so, much to his dismay, he gotta step back a bit so the things he invents can be properly used—

He is actually passionate about his work and tends to overwork himself.

I can't write much about Inventor since he still in w.i.p. but kinda have some scenarios about him and Warrior

I kinda imagine their trope to be idiot rivals to idiot friend to idiots who won't admit they now fallen for each other and historians will say they were good friends(TM)

Wind &Explorer

Platonic Childhood Friends!

I got inspired by Mido but this one is less mean lol

I like the idea of them going in adventures and playing around their island

Explorer is the one who mostly leads Wind back then but Wind comes up with the crazy idea they do!

Is also protective of Aryll!

Explorer, Wind and Aryll stargaze together and Explorer likes to keep books and charts about the sea and sky.

Explorer never got interested at the old folks story about the hero ("Let that ancient dude's soul rest in peace, for Goddesses' sake!" —Explorer, probably).

Maybe he do a little but lil' lad just want to explore the sea

Still have faith in him though and yelled at the ocean, sky and horizon to be kind to Wind or he gonna fight them—

When Wind had to leave the island he was worried but he knows he couldn't stop him either. Aryll got taken and the idea of his friends leaving and never to return again filled made him sorrow.

Wind cheered him up by promising once he returns they gonna explore the sea together and teach him the ropes like once Explorer did to him

They spit swear!

Other ships that I have but don't have much yet

Twilight/Witch || Witch lives in the forest doing her daily witchy stuffs. Kinda imagine their dynamic to be shaky at first. Once they get to know each other, Witchy and Twilight would be a bit flirty to mess up each. At least try to. Because later they would just go with casual talk, wholesome and domestic dynamic. If one is at the home of another, they look like have lived together for years! Very lax and gremlincore aesthetic pair.

Wild/Historian || I've read somewhere that Wild is around 4"11 so I made Historian 4"6 lol. Came from family of historian who worked for the royal family. Historian is a bit shy but he looks up upon the champions, especially Wild. Pending whether to make Historian live in the past or present 💀

Legend/Bard || Their trope is that "Person A hates Person B's guts so they annoy B. But Person B thinks of Person A as a friend anyway". Don't have much yet but Bard came from a family of historian too who worked in the castle but preferred to travel the world. At time they visit Hyrule Castle, they and Fable have a cup of tea and tells story. May have invited Legend from time to time but some of them got turned down. Anyway, Legend and Bard have mutual respect to each other and has been on travel together when they bump to each other! They are very fluffy-angsty genre.

Hyrule/??? || I adore this dude but I can't help but to be totally unsure since I don't know a lot about him or his game. I'm doing more research

I don't have any for Sky and Time but if I have any it would be a platonic one ^^). For Sky, I was thinking about a mysterious person who resides in the land and raised by the kikwi dhsjdhqks

And for Time, a gerudo. He, Malon and the gerudo are a trio and have a platonic dynamic. Gerudo would protect this two with her life 😤😤

»»———-　　———-«

That's it! That's all! For now!

I have some images made from picrew but they kinda don't have whay I have in mind soooo... I guess I'll just draw them as the next post! I found a cool brush!

[solradguy]

I hope this isn't too inappropriate a question, but I was wondering if you have any advice when it comes to binders? Like, I know a lot of the minutia, but are there any companies you recommend that make good ones? I'm new to the whole actually-doing-it part and I've found conflicting stuff so I though it was better to ask someone who went through that whole thing already. Tbh I don't know anything about your transition and you might not have even did much of that but you're like the main transguy I know

No worries at all!! I'm really comfortable talking about trans stuff and what I've had to do to get where I am, so if you have any other questions please don't hesitate to toss 'em my way and I'll do my best to help out. The only major trans stuff I haven't done yet are any surgeries and changing my name/legal gender marker (pain in the ass to do in Ohio....).

I got kinda lucky and don't really have much boob tissue going on so I don't bind very often, but I do have two GC2B binders: a full tank and a half one. The full one is a lot more comfortable, imo, because I can tuck it into my pants and it kinda like smooths my entire situation out instead of squishing just my upper body and chafing under my ribcage lol. Unfortunately, GC2B's binder quality has dropped BAD in the last 5 years or so. If you can get one for free or dirt cheap then it might be worth it, but otherwise I'd avoid them.

One of my other trans masc buddies has some binders from Underworks that he really likes. He used to have one of the GC2B ones and it got a huge hole right in the middle of it after less than a year... As far as I know, his Underworks ones are still holding up and it's been over two years now. He did say that they were pretty stiff when they first came in and that washing them with just a tiny bit of fabric softener helped. Be careful using too much fabric softener on them though or they'll loosen up maybe too far. Here's their site: https://www.underworks.com/tri-top-chest-binder

I've seen people say Shapeshifter's binders are good too, though I don't personally know anyone who has one by them. They're a lot more expensive than the Underworks binders.... Here's their site: https://shapeshifters.co/

Make sure you read the sizing charts!!! The very first binder I ever bought was WAAAAYYYYY too small because I didn't read the chart very well... I've found that following the chart and then going up one or two sizes fits the best, depending on how big your chest is/how much compression you'll need.

Here's a big spreadsheet document of a lot of other trans resources with comments on specific things for each site too, like where they're based, shipping details (if the packaging is discrete or not, etc), if they're a charity, and so on. There are other binder websites listed and sites for other gender affirming clothing and packers and stuff too: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1lSKoxVant40alYL-MZAP9QekUxjl3mH2EB3MidSk0b8/edit#gid=0

There's also this post with even more resources, but it might be a bit overwhelming going through it all right now haha Including it anyway just in case: https://solradguy.tumblr.com/post/719033735814742016

Good luck!! I hope you're able to find one that both fits and is comfortable to wear for long periods ^^

[stra-tek]

Yet another another another excerpt from I Survived Kirk, the forthcoming fanfic autobiography of a bitter redshirt on Kirk's Enterprise

I may be a former member of Starfleet, but that doesn’t mean I agree with every choice they make or have made in the past.  Starfleet is STILL paying for the mistakes they made in early missions, and likely will for centuries to come.

I hate propaganda.  I hate whitewashing history.  Don’t teach lies so that your children won’t have to learn that you’re flawed and made stupid mistakes, otherwise they’ll make the same damn ones.  Obviously, I wasn’t there but if you do the research you can verify all this for yourself.

We’re taught that Jonathan Archer heroically saved the planet from the Xindi in 2153.  We’re told he was instrumental in ending the Romulan war.   He was a hero, who paved the way for the United Federation of Planets.  He’s a legend.

But here’s what they don’t tell you:  Jonathan Archer wasn’t even the first choice to command Enterprise NX-01.  That was a guy named AG Robinson, who was disqualified after an unauthorized test flight.  Something HUGE that is ALWAYS glossed over, is the fact that it was Jonathan Archer’s father Henry Archer who designed the Enterprise’s warp five engine.  Nepotism in Starfleet?  The same nepotism that pervades today, if anyone looks up George Kirk Sr, best friend of Captain Robert April and whose troublemaker of a son ended up succeeding April (and Pike) as captain of this generation’s USS Enterprise.

And it’s not like Archer had any starship experience.  That’s why you never hear about his time on any ships before Enterprise.  There wasn’t any.  “Flight School” (that’s what came before Starfleet Academy) – test pilot of the NX-project – Captain of the Enterprise. They just declared him a captain and sent him out in charge of 80-odd people.  

It was Jonathan Archer that invited the infamous Xindi attack which cost 7 million lives and destroyed Florida by telling every alien they encountered for two years how to find Earth.  He literally sent starcharts so that even the ones that couldn’t understand our language knew where we came from.

And Starfleet just let him.  In fact, they didn’t even send Enterprise out with a proper mission statement except to “go where no man has gone before”.  You’d think a mission of such import (they only spent 30 years developing the warp five engine and ship design, which ended up the blueprint for everything after upto and including our current generation of starships), they’d have mapped out the mission in intricate detail, which stars to visit, which planets to chart, which aliens to contact and what to say/not say.  But no, Johnny boy just floated around aimlessly, getting his ship into trouble and making a professional victim of himself.  He was “officially” kidnapped 28 times between April 26, 2151 and April 24, 2153.  Once he caused an intergalactic incident because he let his dog piss up some sacred tree.  Once he almost let member of his crew die in the extreme heat of a planet and never thought to beam down cooling units.  Most infamously, he refused medical help to a species called the Valakians because he decided it was their destiny to die out.  What a nice man.

So anyway, after two years of obliviously causing intergalactic incidents (including with the Romulans, more on that later), a race called the Xindi sent a weapon to Earth and killed 7 million people.  They then build and launch a second, much larger weapon to destroy the entire planet (because just rendering it uninhabitable is too mainstream, or something.  I guess these guys weren’t the sharpest knives in the drawer either).  Archer somehow sneaks onto the weapon and destroys it, and somehow survives.

Now, why did the Xindi attack?  Something to do with ancient gods but they’re very sorry now can we join the Federation blah blah.  How did the Xindi attack?  Earth was clearly marked in maps the Enterprise had been transmitting to everyone they encountered.  Why advertise your location to a galaxy full of clearly hostile species without adequate defences?

And yes, Archer’s why the Klingons and Romulans hate us, too.  Cheers mate, you’re a legend.

[all-pacas]

fic asks! 📥, 🧠, 💻! <3

📥 What is your fave fic to receive comments/messages on?

All of them… dffdf no, uh. There's a few of my stories I'm prouder of than others, so I guess having that validated would probably do it for me. I've really enjoyed (and been bemused by) the reception my Cam/Chase stories have got, since I really am pretty agnostic to the ship. But it kind of makes me feel like I'm filling a niche, like, I'm providing a service to shippers in need, lol. So I enjoy that.

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

I have this vague image of a post-series story with Chase visiting 13 and her girlfriend in Greece. No plot at all, just 13 and Chase hanging out. A few bits of scene ideas — 13 making them lunch, and it's peanut butter sandwiches, and Chase teasing her for not exactly offering authentic local fare (13: I like peanut butter sandwiches). 13 sending Chase and Amy out on an errand together, transparently trying to matchmake them into friendship. A bit of sad vibes, 13's huntington's is starting to manifest and they all know it, there's a slight desperation to making happy memories and bonding now. Joke about Chase having no other friends, 13 being fake-aghast that she's his Wilson.

💻 Do you do research for your fics? What’s the deepest dive you’ve done?

I try to. I do a lot of casual googling, and then it never shows in the story, lol. For and i am my father's son I looked up rich people suburbs around Melbourne, and then did a lot of google street view just to get an idea of what the area would look like, the sum total of that research in the story is: Drives up to Brighton after school lets out, parks on the street.

For the stabbing story I went down a rabbit hole, because I knew Cameron would want to know what meds and so on Chase was on, and it definitely feels more authentic with detail, you know? I ended up reading quite a lot about endocarditis — inflammation of the heart — and actually found a legit medical journal article like "here's the recommended list of drugs for that!"

“Can I —“ She gestures towards his chart. When he shrugs, he can only lift one shoulder. Cameron stands and goes to the foot of his bed eagerly, taking up the clipboard. Her relief fades as she reads: Ampicillin, gentamicin, and other antibiotics and antibacterials for his heart. Blood thinners from his embolism, drugs to keep his digestive system working normally, his organs functioning… benzos and narcotics for the pain…

The original paragraph was way longer. I included the drugs he'd be on to keep peeing and the anti-constipation drugs and all that. But at a certain point I pared it down again, it wasn't really necessary. I looked up so much for passing references. What foods were recommended post-surgery. Whether or not Australia was like Europe and didn't make beds with top sheets (was hoping the answer was yes, but turns out they apparently use them). (I cut that part out entirely.) I threw in a reference to cricket because of a chat with Australian tumblr anons. I spent an afternoon poring over screencaps to get an idea of the layout of Chase's apartment. But in other areas I just entirely wing it, lol. There's a part of the chapter I'm working on now that I'm like… this is so dubious and silly, but I really like the image, sooooo………

[narnianwitch]

Hi, I saw you reblog a post recently about Daisy Jones & the Six and I wanna say I love the show as well as the book but there were so many differences between them that disappointed me. Anyway, do you think Billy and Camila will get divorced in the last two episodes? I’ve noticed that in the interviews, Camila has her maiden name Alvarez instead of Billy’s last name. Also, in the show she seems threatened by Daisy and says that if Billy loves her then that is when this ends. And we know that Billy has been a bad husband to Camila in the past as he cheated on her and in the show he does end up kissing Daisy. I know this may be messed up but I hope Billy and Camila won’t get divorced and that they’ll be endgame. I want the last two episodes to show that their marriage gets better and Billy learns to be a much better husband and father. This seems to be happening in episode 8 of the series as there’s several cute scenes between them and she’s even telling him about her day when they’re in a hotel room. And I shipped them so hard when I was reading the book as Billy did try to be a good husband to Camila after he got sober. And as I’ve mentioned, the series already had so many changes from the book and I want the last two episodes to pretty much follow the book. That would mean Billy and Camila would stay together and their marriage improves since that happened in the book.

Hiiii, anon ! Hope you're doing well !

Soooo, I gotta admit, I haven't read the book yet but I kinda know the ending concerning Camila (which makes me very sad for the finale tbh if it happens the same way). I've seen some posts concerning the differences about the show and the book, I can totally understand the disappointment. When you read a book, you picture everything, not only the characters themselves, but the way a scene is gonna go, every little detail, even a background music sometimes. Anyway, back to your question !

Honestly, I have no idea about these two. I think they want to keep us guessing while using Alvarez for Camila, and I don't remember if she's wearing a wedding ring in the interview but they have a lot of issues tbh. We know that Billy clearly loves her, they have a good life together, she seems to be his peace despite his faults (cheating on her and not being there for her for exemple). He describes Daisy as a temptation, it almost puts her in the same status as drugs and alcohol for him, which is... kinda bad tbh? I get the appeal about Daisy and Billy, I really really do, their chemistry is off the charts and we all love a good drama sometimes but at the same time, it doesn't seem healthy at all. They both cope dangerously when something bothers them, and personally, I think that Daisy doesn't need Billy in her life because Billy is not there for her either. I get Billy's struggles, and he lives for the music as always, but he seems mainly lost because of all the temptations around him and clings to Camila and their daughter. Like I mentioned earlier, Camila seems to be his peace but Daisy is... something that angers him and calms him as the same time. He needs more, always, although he pretends otherwise, just like his past addictions, which is why he compares her to a temptation I think. Right now, Billy needs someone like Camila in his life, they have a good thing going on, and Daisy needs a life of her own, a life outside Billy and the temptation he also is for her. She needs to figure out what she wants for herself, to truly live for herself and not for other people. She desperately needs to be loved and to be needed, but she can't have Billy the way Camila has him in her life, she can't have Billy the way she truly needs him. The timing isn't right from the beginning and that makes it mostly tragic.

At the end of ep 8, Billy seemed terrified at the idea of losing Daisy, which complicates things even further. He loves both of them because they represent two sides of him, two sides he needs in his life but you can't have it all, and at the time of show, it definitely isn't the right time for Billy and Daisy, that's probably why they do find each other much later in life in the book from what I understood. I do think that Billy and Camila will stay together, and the book ending will probably happen, maybe differently. I don't know what they have planned for Camila and Eddie, she carries her secret with her with a lot of guilt, even though she knows that her husband also loves another woman, but she loves Billy, she loves their life, he's it for her. Like she said, you don't stop loving someone when things get hard, and she's right. So yeah, I do think that they're gonna stay together and Billy will be the one to decide that for Camila and himself. Maybe I'm gonna be wrong, we're gonna find out in a few days! But yeah, for me, it's all about the timing and at the moment, the timing is right for Billy and Camila.

[fawnnbinary]

Hi there!! You know what would be awesome? If you would commission me! Or send me a tip on ko-fi for a quick doodle!

Sketch:

Lined:

Emojis:

I don't have a cute sheet for them yet, and will update this post when I do, but I'm also offering 4-pack emojis of a character of your choice for $12! Here's examples of some I did of Theo, Asher, and Axel!

You can pick the expressions and each expression is $3 each if you wanted to get more or less (ex: just get 2 for $6 or get an extra 2 for a total of $18) These will always be lined and full colored unless you ask for them otherwise!

I also do YCH heart emojis!

These are also $3 each and can be any character, any species, and I can do either solid color hearts or pride flags!!

Here's a quick run down of my commission terms!

If you are interested, contact me either here on tumblr through dms or on discord (current tag is fawnnbinary#1546)

These prices are for one character, but I only charge $3 more for every character!

Reference is immensely appreciated but not required, especially if I am drawing a character I have drawn before or a well known character from popular media

Please give me as much detail as you can! I want to make sure I give you the best content possible!

I can be paid through either p/aypal or c/ashapp, and would prefer to be paid at least half of the price up front and the rest after

You will receive every step of the piece (sketch, lined, colored) up to that that you paid for, as I finish it, so that I can make every change you desire!

For all options, line color can be changed! (ex: if you got a lined, monochrome piece in blue, I could make the lines blue too!)

It isn't clear in my charts, but the second option between full color and uncolored is a monochrome option - which can either be a single block of a single color or done with shades of that color in place of full colors!

If you allow it I will post the finished commission on tumblr with my watermark on it - I automatically put my watermark on all my work, but I can also give you a version without it if you desire!

I will start working asap and if you have a deadline you need a piece by, please tell me! I will prioritize pieces with deadlines given!

My p/aypal is fawnbinary (1 n), cashtag is $fawnnbi, and my kofi is fawnnbinary (2 n) just like this blog!!

I will draw:

ocs

fanart

real people

furries

ship art

nsfw

I won't draw:

mechs

cars

gore

bigoted or illegal material

Here are some examples of my art:

Bonus coupons:

If you give me a "yeehaw" I'll give you a $1 discount 👉👈

Thank you for reading my commissions post!! I love you!! ♥

[idontblushsrry]

Itadori Yuuji Boyfriend Headcanons

A/N: Reader is from America and a black female. Idk why i decided to write this but I think that Yuuji would be a fun boyfriend lmao. I don’t entirely know what the reader’s cursed technique should be so lmk if you have any ideas. Until then enjoy Yuuji and reader being 2 idiots in love. Spoilers for all the eps of jujutsu kaisen up to about episode 11, nothing past that though as I want to finish the show first before reading the manga, so please be respectful of spoilers and label them (and tag if necessary) in the comments. Also srry if this cuts off abruptly bcus of the point the show is at. This is also like, all over the place but whatever.

(also sorry this was posted later than usual oops)

Word Count:  1943

This dork-

He is so sweet and kind and considerate 

But also a dumbass but also like he’s your dumbass

You and Yuuji are both equally stupid like bless yalls hearts

You and Yuuji met during his time at the Tokyo Academy when you transferred from America

The moment this man saw you walk up with Gojo-sensei he was smitten

Like your skin was glowing??? how???

And you had a slight accent but like he loved it too

And when you came up to greet him and shake hands you smelled so good and your skin was so soft

((He would later come to find out that the root of that was the shea cocoa butter lotion you used))

But yea mans was smitten and he is fully in love with you lmao

Will do literally anything you ask

You hungry? He’s prepared a 5 course, michelin star meal

Want new clothes? He’s been training for the day he could hold your bags for you

Ran out of hair products?? He’s already back with a special box of your products that he had imported from America

To this day you don’t know how he was able to get those products so quickly

He is loves when you tell him things about you from your day, to your times in america, to how your cursed energy works

Yall are the couple that does stupid shit together

Like one time you showed Yuuji one of those life hack videos and he was like 

“We should totally do that” 

And you were like “Bet”

Needless to say Fushiguro was very confused at the sight of bandaids on both of your fingers the next morning

“???What happened?”

“Well you see, I told Yuuji that I should use the glue gun because he didn’t even know where to put the glue stick. And he said nah, I got it and um yea so I fell and the glue gun was plugged in and then he tripped over me and so now we look like this.”

Gojo and Kugisaki thought that this was hilarious while Fushiguro decided that he’d store your guys’ glue gun in his shadows from now on

How yall manage to get through missions you go on together alive is a miracle

Speaking of missions, you eventually ask Yuuji what’s his deal because you feel a powerful aura coming from him but he never uses cursed energy, always cursed weapons

Cue Sukuna’s mouth popping up on the side of his face like “Hey mamas”

(You can’t tell me that Sukuna isn’t the type of guy to ask where his hug at)

“YUUJI WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!”

“Oh, I guess you haven’t met Sukuna yet, huh?”

So he sits you down and explains how he ate Sukuna’s finger and you're sitting there like ‘mhm mhm mhm, sorry you what?’

For like 3 days after he told you that you couldn’t bring yourself to kiss him just because you were processing the fact that Yuuji ate someone’s nasty old ass finger and would have to eat 19 more

And the fact that he’s the vessel of like the worst curse known to man 

During those 3 days, Yuuji’s pouting because he’s like ‘I fucked up, now she doesn’t wanna kiss me let alone talk to me because of this monster inside of me :(’

Meanwhile you’re just like ‘why would anyone eat some random mummified finger?’

Eventually you get wind of Yuuji’s bad mood and immediately, you rush to smooth things over with him.

You knock on his door and hear blankets rustling before he goes, “I’m not in the mood to play fight right now Kugisaki’

“Can I come in baby?”

You immediately hear the most comical almost cartoonish amount of noise ranging from a cup falling over, sheets falling off the bed, and what sounds like Yuuji falling flat on his ass before he opens the door

When he does, you’re laughing and it’s like the sky is no longer grey and the world is filled with color

You smile at each other before your moment is interrupted with Sukuna going “Finally, full offense, his whining was getting annoying”

You step inside his room and apologize for ignoring him, explaining that you just needed time to process things, explaining that you should’ve told him that before dipping

He just grabbed you in a bear hug and lifted you of the ground and spinning you around laughing happily, after all he wasn’t even upset with you, he just missed you

And thus begins the honeymoon phase of your guys’ relationship

Fushiguro is actually really happy for you guys and is the most supportive of your relationship but if anyone asked him to admit that out loud he’d actually apparate to the nearest marooned ship

Nobura doesn’t hate you guys but she thinks all couples are disgusting, so while it’s nothing personal, she does gag when you and Yuuji do so much as make goo goo eyes at each other

Gojo is actually like the main cheerleader of your relationship. 

He is the teacher that changes the seating chart to put students he ships together

He was always pairing you and Yuuji up on missions and placing you as sparring partners like ur not slick

If Gojo is the cheerleader, Sukuna is an actual antagonist

Like the man goes out of his way to CHOOSE violence

Like on time you kissed Yuuji’s cheek on a date and when you pulled back, your lip was bleeding and Sukuna’s mouth was smirking at you

Another thing he likes to do is tell you all of Yuuji’s simp^tm thoughts

Like all of them

Now Yuuji isn’t ashamed of how much he loves you and is in fact very open with it, but he doesn’t need Sukuna telling you that the only reason he bought x mouthwash was because it made your breath smell like “sunshine” and he had to see if it would work on him

Speaking of dates, good luck

Now I stand by the fact that Yuuji would never half-ass a date and things with him are certainly never boring

But he’s also like a country boy in the city and his tourist tendencies tend to get the best of him

Like you’ll be trying to find a spot to eat and when you look back Yuuji’s gone

((Prolly to buy another I <3 Tokyo shirt so you can both match))

He always catches up with you ad you eventually learn that but like the first few times be havin you ready to put up a lost child signal on the loudspeaker

He’s very sweet and this is where his thoughtfulness shines through

You and Yuuji plan dates in the same way one plays bingo

Like because you never know where you’re going to be r when exactly you’ll both be free (especially with Gojo-sensei and his bare minimum ass information) you two tend to go ‘ok well if we’re here we’ll go here and if we’re here, we’ll go here’ and so on and so forth

But Yuuji always remembers such little one-off details about you that make your dates.

Like you mention wanting to try a sushi train and he’s already scrolled through multiple yelp reviews and watched every youtube restaurant review like 9 times

But every high has a low and Yuuji and your’s low comes suddenly and it brings you crashing to the ground with no warning and nothing to slow your descent

When your class of first years were sent to exorcise the special grade cursed womb

When Yuuji’s hand got blown off and he told you to run you froze, your mind racing faster than your legs could even start

“(Y/N) RUN!” Yuuji’s voice broke you out of your fear-based trance

“I- I...can’t...I can’t leave you!” you cried out all your rational senses screamed at you to go, run, he had Sukuna and you were barely a grade 2 sorcerer. But your intuition told you if you left him you wouldn’t see him alive again.

You were trapped in a paralysis of indecision but the choice was made for you when a sticky tongue wrapped around your midriff and you were gulped into the mouth of one of Fushiguro’s frogs

“Goddamn it Fushiguro! Let me go! I need to... save... him.” You were outside the building before you could even finish arguing.

You glared up at Fushiguro but your eyes softened some when you saw how beat up Kugisaki looked.

He gave you this look that said he did what he had to do and he didn’t care what you had to say about it 

You and him waited in the rain for Yuuji or Sukuna to exit the building

You tried to focus yourself and save your negative emotions for your cursed attack

When Sukuna inevitably appeared, one finger stronger, you were fully prepared to fight him

However, he didn’t seem interested in fighting you and more engaged in fighting with Megumi

You tried to urge Fushiguro to wait it out, eventually Sukuna would lose control, but when Sukuna took Yuuji’s heart hostage, you both knew you’d have to fight

You and Fushiguro gave it your all but when Yuuji came back he still died 

It took all your strength to not completely fall apart after his death and the support from the second years as well as Kugisaki and Fushiguro helped

You’d tried to visit him at the morgue but Shoko only told you that she didn’t think it’d be a good idea.

You still slept in his sweaters and the things that smelled like him from time to time, trying to make the idea of him last, but after a month, the smell of him had started to fade

Everything about Yuuji’s memory seemed to become leached away with time, from his smell, to the wear present on things he’d given to you

You couldn’t help but feel resentful towards yourself but also to Sukuna, he’d taken Yuuji from you with the same care that one would throw litter on the ground

The pain in your chest didn’t wane either, it only became ignorable to a degree as training for the exchange with the Kyoto students became more intense

Fushiguro is a comfort to you as well, aside from you, him and Yuuji were the closest to each other and so he gets a lot of what you’re going through and doesn’t push when you become more withdrawn

He also lets you pet his demon dog too but when you ask him why he’s letting you pet it he just says ‘because no one would believe you if you told them’ lies

The bastard really just does it because he knows you’re sad and he doesn’t want you to be sad

Speaking of the Kyoto students, Zenin Mai and Toudou Aoi are permanently on your shit list

You’re relieved that Panda, Maki, and Inumaki came to your guys’ aid but like if you had your way Mai wouldn’t even exist

Anyways Maki has Panda physically restrain you while she tries to calm you down 

“(Y/N), you can kick her ass at the exchange!”

When you calm down, Panda puts you down and even though Mai’s long gone with Todou to go get his handshake, you make a promise that carries through the wind

‘Zenin Mai, pray that the next time you run across me I’m feeling kind, because if not-’, the last word is lost as the wind picks up but Mai feels a shiver rack through her body that more than ensures your message.

[homoose]

hello sorry to add to the people asking you to elaborate on your cm ship opinions BUT you said you thought that maeve wasn’t a good fit for spencer and tbh neither did i and it feels very validating (ppl worship that woman!! wth??) so if you wouldn’t mind explaining your thoughts in greater detail...

okay look I understand why people like her, and again, it’s fine if you do! to each their own. my thoughts on the Maeve arc are:

1. she’s his doctor. like I know she’s not his primary care, but he was technically her patient. she was asked to look at his brain scans lol. that’s just... weird and unprofessional/not appropriate to start a phone relationship with your patient

2. long distance/phone relationships are valid. this was neither of those things. they spoke for 10 minutes on the phone once a week, and many of those weeks were probably spent discussing his MEDICAL charts and documents because SHE WAS HIS DOC

3. they spoke every week for ten months, and yet he didn’t know that she’d been engaged? like I’m sorry we’re talking about her as if she’s his gf but that’s a very basic piece of knowledge that I think was rather pertinent information, particularly because they only broke up because she was being stalked? it’s not like they had this horrific break up or something and the dude was trash— and I feel like he even felt like their relationship was good enough that they might have gotten back together once the stalker situation was over

4. I think part of the reason Spencer got so attached was because he was still wildly insecure, and it was helpful for him to be able to build a connection before she could see him. he was able to put his best foot forward and make a good impression before having to be physically in her presence, and that would have set him at ease and made her easier to talk to. having someone understand his jokes and references is a big part of it, I’m sure. another part of it might have been the mystery/intrigue of having to meet/talk in secret.

[relaxxattack]

I mostly read at night when i am without internet but i'll give you updates on what i know so far in the mornings and stuff

Information i know about Homestuck/thoughts i have about it as of now:

Davekat canon

The meteor is a prime place for drama and characters talking (or not talking that is also drama)

I think i have the quadrants/hemospectrum understood as of now they are very neat

Still have no idea what prospit/derse is or how the classes work

I cant tell Equius and Erdian apart i am so sorry my dudes

Rose and Kanaya are my favs, Dave and Karkat are close behind them

Someone tell me more about Jade i want to like her i just dont know enough about her

for that matter someone go into more detail about some of the other trolls (Sollux, Gamzee, Feferi, Nepeta, Eridian, Equius) cause i have basically only seen Meteor fics as of now and i need to know who my options for blorbos are

I have skimmed the with wtf is up with calliope/caliborne?????

Davesprite was compared to ghostbur so i know they deserved better

How many of these dudes died?????

I have also watched Sarah Z's vids about homestuck and therefor i am not touching the epiologes/homestuck 2 stuff because it scares me

i have also read some of your dsmp homestuck au stuff and it was interesting!

there's timetravel and clones and i am also scarred to touch that

John is trans? maybe? have seen conflicting takes on this

Vriska seems like a character i'd love to hate in canon but also she makes things interesting and for that i respect her

What if Terezi's deal girl i need to read more fics about you

and i think thats it? for now at least. Will update with more info/questions as i read more

answers your questions under the cut :]

Davekat canon

yeah i could write essays on this. i hate when people are like "why do they get pushed together in the epilogues/hs2" look i hate postcanon as much as the next guy but DID YOU READ HS. THEY ARE GAY. THEYRE TOGETHER.

The meteor is a prime place for drama and characters talking (or not talking that is also drama)

this is true!! the 6 of them were stuck on that meteor for three YEARS from the ages 13-16... its no surprise drama happened

I think i have the quadrants/hemospectrum understood as of now they are very neat

KK's written a lot about both of these! if you ever want to see if you've got it right :]

Still have no idea what prospit/derse is or how the classes work

nobpdy really does and tbh it was never all that important to the story.

I cant tell Equius and Erdian apart i am so sorry my dudes

how could you do this to my boy (lets you infer which of them i mean)

Rose and Kanaya are my favs, Dave and Karkat are close behind them

!!! GOOD PICKS. LOVE THEM.

Someone tell me more about Jade i want to like her i just dont know enough about her

jade grew up by herself on a deserted island raised by a dog! then she fuses with her dog later! shes very sweet but also says fuck! idk i think shes fun

for that matter someone go into more detail about some of the other trolls (Sollux, Gamzee, Feferi, Nepeta, Eridian, Equius) cause i have basically only seen Meteor fics as of now and i need to know who my options for blorbos are

sollux: incredible perfection amazingness my sun my shining star. ok so basically he got ZERO screentime in canon despite being objectively one of the coolest characters. hes like. a hacker and a little shit but he saves everyones lives multiple times. thats him.

gamzee: i know some people like him but. mm. :/. basically he is a murderous juggalo. hes doped up all the time but once he gets sober he murders a large portion of the cast. so that happens.

feferi: princess! shes either super sweet or very white knighty/privileged. i honestly havent figured it out yet. she didnt get a lot of canon screentime so

nepeta: CAT GIRL oh my god she deserved to live. oh precious sweet nepeta. she draws shipping charts and likes to roleplay as a cat.

eridan: he was a bitch and flirted with everyone who looked at him (and some who didnt). typically hes hated on but ive come around to him more recently since he was pretty young and rereading some of his dialogue is tragic.

equius: hated by most people because in canon hussie uses him mostly for bestiality jokes and jokes about getting off to the idea of authority. i love him though i think he didnt deserve it. if you get a chance watch equius's pesterquest route he is a sweetheart actually. a weirdo but a sweetheart.

you can also read their wiki pages to learn more about any of them if you want!

I have skimmed the with wtf is up with calliope/caliborne?????

that is so hard to exlpain but. they are siblings and share a body (this is normal for their species), one wakes up when the other goes to sleep. caliborn is a cartoonishly exaggerated misogynist and callie is just a sweetie who makes mistakes sometimes. idk if its a hot take but i actually love caliborn hes fucking hilarious tbh

Davesprite was compared to ghostbur so i know they deserved better

davesprite deserved EVERYTHING.

How many of these dudes died?????

probably all of them at least once? except PM, i think she never died. fuck yeah mail lady supremacy.

I have also watched Sarah Z's vids about homestuck and therefor i am not touching the epiologes/homestuck 2 stuff because it scares me

yeah its. bad.

i have also read some of your dsmp homestuck au stuff and it was interesting!

thank you!

there's timetravel and clones and i am also scarred to touch that

the clones bit is actually easy to understand, every character is a clone. they are all paradox clones as in they were never born and they were just cloned from themself via time magic. as for the time travel shit yeah that is confusing as fuck.

John is trans? maybe? have seen conflicting takes on this

there's a popular fanon that john transitions into a girl called june. the author agreed to represent this in canon but then literally never did and the fans who wanted june were robbed. so trans john (june) isn't canon, but she's very popular and pretty cool. personally i don't mind either way.

Vriska seems like a character i'd love to hate in canon but also she makes things interesting and for that i respect her

same. i love vriska like shes the worst but i love her

What if Terezi's deal girl i need to read more fics about you

SO MUCH!! she is so much. oh my god. shes everything. i wish i knew a good terezi centric fic, shes very very interesting

and i think thats it? for now at least. Will update with more info/questions as i read more

ok!! ^_^ tysm for the asks!!

[drmmyrs]

Remember Me (Becca x MC)

So, weird story. I was randomly browsing tumblr one time when this ask pops out at the top of the screen (req about amnesia au Becca’s POV). It wasn’t even related to anything I was reading but checked my inbox and it wasn’t there. Most probably the ask isn’t for me but still wrote it just in case 😅

PS if someone DID send me this ask, kindly drop me a message just so I know I’m not seeing things 😭

PPS I’m trying out a new writing style and I’m not sure if it’s any good so I’d really appreciate any feedback 🥺 (this will be a mini series too, I think, since the angst potential is definitely there 😂)

PPPS title is inspired from the song in Coco just cause I’ve been playing it a lot on piano recently

tag list: @whackawriting @samanthadalton @crazzyplays @uselesslesbianfr @baexpoppy @alexroyard @alexlabhont @veenast @noixngn @sillyandcutewizardstuffs (If you wanna be added or removed or just prefer a certain ship just let me know ❤️)

Pairing: Becca x MC (Emily)

Word Count: 2090

I don't remember what happened, nor know where I am, but I hear shouting, lots of it. I try to move, but my body feels completely numb; the only thing I can feel is the trickle of liquid that splatters across my face. Rain? I open my eyes strenuously, but all I can see past my blurry vision are brown eyes glistening with tears. I can't quite make out her face, but for some reason, seeing her cry sends a flurry of emotions that hurt more than my throbbing head. I try to open my mouth, hoping to provide comfort somehow, but no words come out. She is saying something over and over again, something about leaving? But my head hurts too much to be able to comprehend. A siren then blares from a distance, growing louder by the second as flashes of red cloud my vision. And that is when everything turns black.

I slowly open my eyes–still reeling from the nightmare that somehow felt too real–and harsh, blinding lights immediately greet me. I hastily shut my eyes back and suddenly become well aware of the ache engulfing my entire body. It isn't before long that I realize that someone is holding my hand, tracing lazy circles against my skin ever so often. I try to move it but only manage to lift a finger, and at once, the grip tightens and becomes still for a moment before I hear a voice– How can a voice sound so familiar... yet so strange? It's saying my name, urgent and gentle at the same time as though I might break at any second. I try to open my eyes, but exhaustion grips me powerless. And soon, I succumb to its fiery grasp as I slip back into slumber.

When I wake up again, I already feel much stronger than before. The ache in my body has turned into a dull hum as if sharp nails are gently caressing my skin, enough to be felt but not to hurt. I look around the room, panic swelling in my chest as I take in the sight of different medical equipment looming around my bed and needles sticking out of my arm. I fight the urge to squirm as I take big, calming breaths, ignoring how the four white walls seem to close in on me. Thankfully, the door opens, and a nurse walks in, temporarily distracting me from my distress. She smiles upon seeing me awake and walks towards me.

"Welcome back, Ms. Davenport. How are you feeling?"

"W–where am I?" I ask weakly.

"In the hospital. A month ago, you were involved in a car crash, and your head was hurt pretty badly," the nurse says sympathetically. She is now taking my vitals, scribbling something on her chart from time to time.

Car crash?

I scrunch my eyes, trying to remember, but the harder I try, the more my head hurts.

"Wait. A month? Are you saying that I've been here... for a month?"

The nurse nods. "You've been unconscious the entire time. But your vitals now are looking good. The doctor will just run a few tests to make sure we don't miss anything."

I stay quiet for a while, my mind still processing everything the nurse just said, which has only raised new questions.

"Your friends and family were really worried about you, you know. There wasn't a day when you didn't have any visitors. Especially that special friend of yours you were in the car with." The nurse turns towards me, holding a pen against her chin. "What was her name? Em–Emma, I think? She barely left your side. She actually just went to grab some food before you woke up."

...I don't know any Emma, but I don't tell her that.

"What about my parents?"

"Your mom and sister usually visit during the evening."

"And my father?"

The nurse shakes her head. "I don't think I've ever seen your father."

The nurse leaves after a while, and the doctor comes inside the room shortly. I answer a few questions before I'm escorted outside to take some tests. Afterward, the nurse leads me back to my room and gently guides me to bed.

"Would you like me to call in your visitors?" the nurse asks.

I nod.

The nurse goes out, and soon my mom walks in followed by–

"Emily." I frown. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Both of them stop in their tracks. My mom looks at me in concern and confusion, while Emily looks like I just punched her in the gut.

Anger bubbles up inside me as a realization comes to mind. "Y–you. You're the one who did this, aren't you? You're the reason I'm here."

A guilty look flickers across her face, confirming my suspicions. And before I can stop myself, I shout at her to leave, but she stands there motionless, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

"Go get the doctor," my mom tells her, which snaps her out of her shock. She scurries out of the room at the same time my mom starts walking towards me.

"Why is she here, Mom?"

My mom stops at the side of the bed and reaches out to stroke my hair. "Honey, the accident was not her fault."

"But she was there with me..."

"Yes."

"Why?"

My mom's hand goes still, resting on top of my head. "Becca, what was the last thing you remember?"

"I..." I close my eyes and think hard for a moment. "I–I remember hosting the Kappa party. But that doesn't make any sense. Why would I leave with Emily?"

A brief look of panic flashes across her eyes.

"Mom? What's wrong?"

My mom smiles at me, but it looks forced. "It's nothing, sweetie. The doctor will be here soon."

But I can see that she's trying her best to keep calm–the look on her face similar to when she would talk to my little sister and me right after we would hear her and dad fight.

The doctor comes in a little while later, asking a bunch of questions similar to my mom's. They then do more tests on me, and I grow scared by the minute, not understanding what the hell is going on. Eventually, I'm back in my room alone, my mom and the doctor staying outside to talk. After some time, they enter the room, and my mom sits beside me, taking my hand as the doctor walks towards the other side of the bed.

I look at my mom, drained from all the medical tests I went through the entire day. "What's happening, Mom? I'm scared."

My mom squeezes my hand and gives me a reassuring smile. "The doctor will explain it to you, sweetie. But I'll be right here the whole time." She then gives a single nod to the doctor.

The doctor smiles at me politely. "How are you feeling, Becca?"

I stare at him, suddenly annoyed at being asked the same question over and over again.

"Right then." The doctor clears his throat. "During the accident, your brain was affected more than we initially thought." He pauses, and I meet his gaze, willing him to go straight to the point. "It seems like you have retrograde amnesia, meaning that you have no memory of the past three years of your life."

The doctor goes on and on about the technicalities, but I'm not listening anymore. His voice is reduced to background noise as I repeat his words inside my head, trying to grasp the implications of what he just said. I prop myself up, looking wildly around the room, tugging at my shirt as if it would help me breathe. But it doesn't. My body feels numb, which is why I almost don't notice my mom pulling me into a tight hug, stroking my back comfortingly as she whispers reassurances. I focus on her voice, forcing myself to take deep breaths as I slowly begin to calm down. I pull away after some time, recomposing myself as I find my voice.

"Three years," I whisper.

"We'll help you recover your memories, honey. But for now, you can ask me anything you like."

"I–I think I just need some rest."

My mom nods, helping me settle back in bed before she leaves, promising to be back tomorrow.

Sleep comes easy to me, and I wake up the next day with Madison sitting at the chair next to my bed, browsing her phone.

"Hey, Maddie."

She looks up from her phone, a smile lighting up her face before she practically jumps out of her chair to hug me. "Becca!"

"Ow, that... kinda hurts."

When she pulls away from me, her eyes are teary.

"Sorry, I just missed you so much. You were gone for so long! I thought–"

"Hey, hey, none of that," I say, smiling at her.

She pulls the chair closer to my bed and sits down. "How are you, Becca? Your mom told me about your... condition."

I stare at the ceiling. "Yeah, it sucks." I snap my head back to her. "Tell me something. Do we still hang out a lot?"

"We still meet up from time to time. Not as much as we used to, though," Madison says, smiling sadly.

I nod. "Who do I usually hang out with now?"

"Emily."

I furrow my eyebrows. "Did we become close friends or something?"

"Oh, right. You've only been together for like two years," Madison murmurs contemplatively. "She's your girlfriend, Becca."

I let the information sink in. "You have got to be kidding me." I stare at her wide-eyed. "How–What–Why?"

Madison recounts our 'love story,' each detail more absurd than the last. I don't want to believe any of it, but Emily as my girlfriend... it actually explains everything. I rub my temples. How the hell did that happen? I remember like it was yesterday when she tried to steal Chris away from me. And now... and now...

"Maddie? Can you do me a favor and grab me something to eat? I'm starving."

Madison smiles. "Of course."

Madison goes out in a while, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

***

After a few more days of recovery, I am finally allowed to leave the hospital. Despite my protests, my mom explains that I will have to stay with Emily and her friends at what I assume has been my home for the past two years. She explains that she prefers for someone to look after me constantly, and she will not be able to do that with her job and all.

Outside the hospital, I find Emily waiting near a car; her eyes are bloodshot, as if she hasn't slept a wink in days. When she sees me approaching, her face immediately brightens up. Our gazes lock briefly before I turn back to my mom.

"Are you sure I can't stay with you?"

My mom smiles sadly. "I'm sorry, honey. I wish you could, but..."

"It's okay, I understand."

"Look, I know you don't remember, but these people you've been living with... they care about you very much.”

I nod.

My mom pulls me into a hug before guiding me inside the car, shutting the door afterward. She and Emily talk for a brief moment outside, and I watch as she hugs Emily before walking away. Emily steps into the passenger seat.

Zack, who is sitting in the driver's seat, turns around and smiles at me warmly. "I'm glad you're back."

I shift uncomfortably, ignoring his gaze. "Thanks."

We drive home silently, awkwardness saturating the car space. Upon arriving, I observe the details of the house, seeing if it sparks any memories... but nothing. I see Emily looking at me intently, probably thinking the same thing. They then lead me inside the house, and I step in hesitantly, taking in the surroundings, which vary immensely from the sorority house, the last place I lived based on my memories. Emily guides me to my room, lingering near me as I open the door.

"Becca–"

I turn towards her. "Please don't. I know you think I'm your girlfriend. A–and I guess I was. But as far as I remember, I don't like you at all. So I would appreciate it if you just leave me alone." I turn around and go inside my room, shutting the door behind me. I then lie on the bed, trying to forget how the light dimmed out of Emily's eyes as I broke her heart.

[yn-x-animeboy]

Jungkook x y/n (as a famous artist) Pt.3

sinopsis: You are a popular artist in America, pretty famous, loved and well-known by the general public (actually you were one of the top 10 artists in the world but you are pretty humble and naïve to realize your popularity), one day during one of your fan meets you talk about how much you love BTS, and not only how you wish to meet them and work with them but how Jungkook is one of your celebrity crushes. During the meet you fangirled with other ARMYs in the crowd; video clips of you fangirling and talking about BTS at your meet where posted and reposted all over social media. This obviously broke the internet because you were not only a famous singer but you also were always accepted and loved by ARMY and this made a lot of people happy. Suddenly it felt like everyone wanted you to meet the seven handsome and talented idols and collaborate, but you could only wish, you believed they didn't even know who you were...or so you thought

pairing: reader x Jungkook

genre: fluff, romance, for entertainment purposes

BTS x Fem Reader

Parts: 1 here & 2 here

---

Part: 3 - The Jimmy Fallon Show

A couple of months have passed since your fan meet episode went viral and since BTS saw the video too. A lot has happened since then tbh, you kept working hard, you just put out your 5th studio album which is doing amazing in the charts, it reached no.1 for album of the year and 3 of your songs stand in the first places amongst other artists on the top 100 songs as well. BTS have also been working on music and projects, not a lot of time for you all. 

Even though it has been a long time since your ‘fan meet’ episode was aired  the media still brings up your episode highlights where you talk about BTS, it is not another really, it doesn't seem to affect you. Neither you or BTS have openly spoken about this to the general public, to them, it seemed like a cute exchange between you and your fans where they got ‘close and personal’. The only difference now is that your fans and ARMYs now have a ship name for you and Jungkook, and they still wish their ship could sail someday….

Thanks to the success your album has had in the short time it was published, you have been invited to multiple talk-shows to promote your new music and to basically catch up with the media. As an artist the whole publicity thing is important for your team and company. Even though it can be hard to ‘do press’ as a celebrity, you enjoy it and always do your best for your supporters. Your fans and everyone who became a fan of your infamous episode would troll around twitter writing things like ‘will BTS be on this show appearing with y/n?’ ‘AYe y/n watch out, they are going to surprise you with BTS’; but you didn't really have time to see them, only your team was aware. Your days working + rehearsing + promoting don't really give you time to scoop around your social media.

Today on your schedule: The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. Tonight you will be performing and having an interview for the show. You love this show so much, you have been invited before,  and you really feel comfortable on set in the company of Jimmy and his team/staff, they are always super nice and welcoming. You haven’t been there for an interview in a while and you are excited. (Even though it went viral, and it was your fantasy, the whole “I WISH I COULD MEET BTS AT A TONIGHT SHOW” was not really on your mind today, probablly because of how hectic your day was. You woke up super early and took a flight on your jet to New York, then you went to rehearsal to rehearse the song you’ll be performing tonight, went to the hotel and took a shower, went to two important business meetings for your record company, barely had time to eat, then went and had hair and makeup done for an afternoon interview for a radio show and finally some rest before you went to the Jimmy Fallon studio)

The Tonight Show starts at 10:00pm but you have to get there earlier to greet Jimmy and the staff, to quickly rehearse your performance, to go over details about the show, get ready, etc. You arrive on set at around 6:00pm in sweatpants, a baggy Ariana Grande merch T-shirt, sneakers and fresh hair from your second shower today. You walk through the door next to your personal bodyguard Lee and Manager Sam, followed by your stylist Meg behind you, you look around to see if you could recognize any familiar faces, The camera crew were setting up their high budget equipment, staff members cleaning, running around and preparing for tonight's live interview. Jimmy comes out from behind a door with casual clothes and messy hair, nothing like his sleek professional look on TV. Smiling he greets you and your team; he takes a step forward and hugs you tightly “Hi y/n it’s so nice to see you, it has been a while we have missed you, ever since your interview was scheduled for this week the staff has been excited to see you again, including me, you are one of our favorite guests to have over i swear” you look at him sweetly with hands on your chest from his hind words (the reason why they loved you so much was because you were different from other celebrities on the show, you were always super polite and nice to the staff and took time out of your schedule to greet everyone and introduce yourself, even though you were one of the biggest stars in the world you humble personality attracted many). “Omg stop Jimmy you are so sweet, I love your show so much it’s always an honor, thanks again for inviting meI wanna say hi to the staff, can I?” You said; Jimmy has been like a mentor to you when it comes to interviews and press, he was one of the first people to believe in you and interview you when you debuted. “Yes of course you go ahead, I’ll talk with your manager while you do so to catch up.” (They were good friends too)

While Jimmy and Sam catch up, and your stylist and bodyguard follow an assistant to put your stuff in the dressing room; you walk around introducing yourself to the staff; you visit the camera crew, the audio booth, the lighting crew, the producers, the PD, the meeting room, even the cafeteria. This helped you also to loosen up and feel more comfortable and confident for the show. After the greeting you quickly rehearsed with your talented backup dancers for the performance to get used to the ‘stage’ and the spacing.

One of the sweet staff members you just met offered to show you to your dressing room where Lee, Sam and Meg were waiting for you. You entered the spacious dressing room and sat at a small couch next to Lee (he was your bodyguard but sometimes even acted like a father/guardian to you, you were thankful you had a close connection with your team) You treated them all, including your dancers, to a mini banquet of food from the cafeteria and chatted about nothing before you had to start getting ready. Sam started getting constant phone calls, as your manager he was constantly busy on the phone, he ignored a couple of them but the caller seemed insistant, Sam saw the caller ID and shot up and ran outside to answer. “Ey no phones on the table mister” you teased as he was halfway out the door, he flipped you off and you back at him and proceeded to finish your snack; “Who would be so insistent, the company handles the calls when Sam has something to to with y/n… this interview has been scheduled for a month now…” Meg, your stylist commented, but you just just shrugged her shoulders as you swallowed the last bite of your sandwich, not really thinking too much about it. You stood up to brush your teeth after finishing eating. (what you failed to notice was Lee making a face to Meg basically telling her to ‘shut up’.... they knew something you didn’t but you didn’t see said interaction at all)

After 20-30 mins Sam came back as if nothing happened, you were now sitting in front of the large vanity mirror and Meg staring at your hair behind you. “Is everything okay Sammy?” You asked, thinking the call could be from a family member or an emergency, judging on the time it took. “No, yes- um it was just a catch up call, apparently the company did not answer their call in my place so they called me directly ignoring the fact that I was here with you.” he spoke. “Ah yeah, well that's good, well we finished our food and cleaned up so the girls (referring to the 2 backup dancers) and I could start getting ready but I left you and Lee some cookies and coffee on the table” you said pointing to the small coffee table in front of the couch that was previously filled with food, Lee, a 6’5 tall man sitting in a tiny couch with a cookie on his right hand and coffee on his left making space for Sam to sit next to him. cute. 

You finish getting ready, hair done simple and comfortable for your interview and later performance, light natural makeup letting your natural beauty show off and fancy yet comfortable outfit that allows you to sit and dance comfortably. You felt really pretty and powerful. It was 9:30, only 30 mins before The Tonight Show started. before The live audience was allowed inside the studio you went over your dance quickly to make sure your outfit was safe to dance in, to make sure the music was the right one and to let the camera crew plan out their shots for the dance and interview segments. Once again you bought your head towards the staff and wished them good luck and a good show, you introduced yourself to the live band that accomplies Jimmy for the show as well and went backstage again for the final touch ups and waited for your turn to come out.

----

“.... and now here is your host...Jimmy Fallon'' he was introduced as the audience clapped for him and he walked across the set to his desk. “Hi, everyone, and welcome to THE TONIGHT SHOW!!!” The crowd cheered again for Jimmy. “Normally we have multiple guests on this show and from 10:00 pm to 12:00am we talk to multiple guests but today is a little different, today we have a very very special guest who will be with us. the. full. show!!!” The audience was comforted by a lot of your fans since it was announced you would be the guest tonight they prepared, and as soon as they heard this immediately stood up and cheered knowing it was you he was talking about. “She is one of my favorite artists, she is the sweetest, most talented artist today. Everyone welcome…. y/n'' The crowd went crazy as you came out from behind the curtain. Seeing everyone you bowed down to the audience and waved your hands, then you took Jimmy's hand to help you up the steps to the couch next to his talk show desk and sat down again bowing your head and mouthing ‘thank you’ to the still cheering audience.

“Wow the people love you y/n'' Jimmy said. “Hahaha no, stop, Thank you all, I love you so much I don't deserve you all.” you said blushing a little from the overwhelming support. The interview started normally, Jimmy introduced you properly to the camera and audience, you spoke about yourself and answered the general questions (‘What have you been doing these days?’ ‘Tell us about your album’.... blah blah)

After a couple of questions you did a fun activity with Jimmy where you created a funny sketch similar to the ones on SNL, you followed the lines on the promter and it came out to be a really funny and light activity to interlude the show. Then after a small break you went back to your seats and continued the Q&A.

“It's crazy, y/n’s latest album is the number one album in the country and she also holds the first, second and third spots for the billboard top 100 hits. You even broke a record for this, to being the youngest and first woman to ever achieve this.” Jimmy said as you smiled and looked at the cheering crowd. “Its crazy, I never thought one day I could even hold a place in the top 100, and now I actually hold 3 places plus another 1st place for album of the country, Thank you all so much for supporting me, this would've happened if it wasn't for all of the people who supported my music, Thank you for giving my music a chance.”

“So actually the next billboard award show is tomorrow, and y/n, we heard you are going to be performing.. is that so?” Jimmy smoothly transitioned form question to question, topic from topic. “Yeah I was blessed to not only be nominated for an award but to also be invited to perform for the ceremony, I am so excited, It is an honor, it not my first time performing at the billboard’s but I have so much fun every time, hopefully the audience will like my performance and the other guest performers of the night, I can’t wait.

“What are you performing tomorrow y/n?”, “Shhh it’s a surprise Jimmy, I can give you a little spoiler, I am performing one of my new album’s songs, it is one of my favorite songs on it” You smoothly avoided actually answering what song you would be performing tomorrow. “Mhm okay how about you tell me in secret during the commercial break I have to know…” Jimmy insisted “Sure Jimmy I’ll tell you”. “Okay so guys let's go to a short commercial break, but don’t leave cause when we are back y/n will be performing live, don't you miss it!” Jimmy said and waved with you as the producer called for the commercial break. 

After the commercial break you got to perform one of your hit songs next to your back up dancers, you let yourself go to the music and enjoyed the performance; you really got lost in the music and dancing every time you had an audience, you loved this so much. After your performance you received a standing ovation form the people present on set, Jimmy went over from his seat to you, he congratulated and complimented you. He then guided you to your seat and gave you some water; he made some ads/sponsorship bits while you grabbed some air and while Meg retouched your hair and makeup while the cameras weren’t on you.

Jimmy then came back after another small break to proceed with the interview: “So y/n I actually wanted to talk to you about something really big” you made a face at Jimmy’s word choices (you had somewhat of a dirty mind) “Hahahaha, Don't make that face y/n, it's not what you think… God.. what a dirty mind you have; I meant I wanted to talk to you about something that recently happened and I’m sure everyone wants to have an update on'' Jimmy made himself clear. “Hahahaha oh, okay sure, tell me” 

“A couple of months ago you went viral on social media after you talked about BTS on one of your episodes, and your fans and ARMYs went crazy, not gonna lie even I got excited” As soon as you heard Jimmy say “BTS'' your face dropped making the audience giggle at your reaction, you started to get anxious. “Hah-, um yeah that happened, I didn't expect for it to become such a big thing tbh Jimmy” you said.

“So in the episode you got asked by one of your fans something about how you would want to meet them or something and you mentioned how you would like to meet then on a talk show… like this one” Jimmy said with a smug expression taking over his face. You quickly spoke before he could say something else “Omg Jimmy stop, I swear if I look behind this couch and BTS is hiding behind it I will have a heart attack, please don't play with me, I’m not ready, stop that''

 The crowd and Jimmy laughed at your cute panic. “Don’t worry y/n, no, I swear they are not there” Jimmy treasured. “IDK MAN, I’m gonna look behind the couch….” you dared; “Go ahead y/n” Jimmy fired back; this made you more nervous, you made a ‘I’m tough’ face at Jimmy and moved your body sideways, “If there is someone behind here I will run Jimmy, I. WILL. RUN. I don’t know where or how far but I will run out..” Jimmy and the audience laughed again and stopped as you looked behind the couch….. and…… there behind the couch…… there was…….. nothing. You started laughing as you went back to your original sitting position, the audience looking curiously at you. “Hahahaha ahhhh there is nothing there” whipping some laughing tears off the inner corner of your eyes you looked at Jimmy who was too laughing at you. “I told you y/n! ahahahah”

Jimmy looked at the camera and directed to the audience “For the people who don’t know what we are talking about and/or haven't seen y/n’s latest episode we have some clips for you” You looked at Jimmy and at the crew wanting to refuse due to your embarrassment, you felt exposed. The video played on the screen, the screen was split so that while the episode clips showed on screen your reaction could also be seen at the same time. Only a small trailer was played, which made you confused, you thought they would play the clips where you deeply talk about BTS…

The video stopped and the audience clapped, “Well that's just a small trailer of the full episode if anyone would like to go over and watch it it was pretty fun… I really enjoy ‘y/n’s camera roll’ episodes, I highly recommend” you smiled and appreciated the free proportion but you went anxious again as Jimmy spoke, “But y/n I actually have a small surprise for you, actually BTS saw your episode and reacted to it on camera…” You went stiff…. he said what???? BTS saw your video? they learned who your where?.... wait. THEY SAW THE VIDEO????? THEY SAW YOU FANGIRLING OVER THEM AND THIRSTING OVER JK AND HERD YOUR STUPID FANTASY????

 “OMG Jimmy no…. AHHH no….” You said as realization dawned on you and you covered your face with your hands.

“oh y/n yes… and we have the video of their reaction here, for the first time ever, an exclusive for the Tonight Show…. watch the screen y/n'' The screen was again split to show your reaction + the video. You lifted your face from your hands and held on to Jimmy’s hand on the desk, bracing yourself for further embarrassment and probable rejection. The video played: 

(BTS reacting to your episode. {the bullet points are your ‘present day’ reactions to BTS reacting to you})

The video started . “Oi, it’s y/n'' Jin immediately said as soon as your face appeared on their screen, “Is this a new episode?” Jimin asked out loud, “Wait what day is it? they normally go up on Friday, did we miss it?” Taehyung spoke.

“OMG no way, they know who I am, omg I’m crying Jimmy” You actually started tearing up and Jimmy squished your hands tighter as he read the subtitles added (you understood Korean).

“Hello everyone welcome to another episode of…. f** I don't even know what we call these videos, jajajaja” “Wait what?... jajajajaja omg guys thank you, I'm so sorry, yeah you heard them, welcome back to y/n’s camera roll, I can’t believe I forgot that, anyway today’s episode is a little different……” the boys chuckle at your genuine personality “hahaha gwiyeoun” (haha cute) Suga added, J-Hope agreeing with him as he gave Suga a piece of the food he was having. Kookie was currently watching the screen not even blinking, he hadn’t taken a bite out of his noodles or a sip out of his banana milk, Jimin noticed and pointed at him looking back at the guys with a silent laugh.

You kept crying and making faces reacting to them every time they spoke

“Hi, y/n, can I ask you another question?” “I saw that you liked an instagram post about BTS a while back uploaded by a fan account and I also saw that you actually follow their personal twitter account. ALSO in your behind the scenes video for your music video shoot you can be seen in the background dancing the Boy with luv choreo. So I wanted to ask if you were an ARMY and if you know them personally? and like should we be expecting a collaboration soon?”

“No way….Omg what she says she hates us” Jimin said. “Imagine if she said she hates us, is this why you guys are making us watch this?” Suga looked  at the staff.

“OMG I could never, NO omg how could I hate them” you commented wiping away your tears and back to squeezing Jimmy’s stretched hand on the desk

 “Can we keep watching hyungs…” Jungkook said looking around at the others, a bit desperate to find out what you said next. “Oi, wouldn't you want to know guki…” Jin teased him, wiggling his eyebrows and slapping the back of his head playfully. Before Jungkook could fight back RM reached over them and pressed play, preventing a ‘playful’ fight between the youngest and oldest member to take place.

You froze at the interaction between Jungkook and Jin… but kept watching not wanting to overthink it.

“OMG hahaha I love you so much, what an amazing question, Okay so first off no I don’t know them personally and sadly no plans of collaboration are on sight. Oh wow I have never been asked if I liked BTS before, I’m excited hahaha. Yeah I am an ARMY, I love them so much I am one of their biggest fans, and they are also one of my biggest inspirations when it comes to work ethic and professionalism, listening to them or watching them gives me motivation to keep doing what I love, which is this. anyway I am rambling I should stop; you guys can say y/n stop whenever I start rambling okay? hahaha''

RM stood up with hands on his head; Jin and J-Hope held on to each other with their mouths wide open looking at the screen; V was still sitting in the same spot, frozen, as if he was paused in time along with the now paused screen; Suga stood up with his hands on his mouth bouncing his knees lightly; Jimin reached to RM behind him and stretched his arms out with a ‘Did you hear that?’ expression; Jungkook leaned over the table and pulled the screen closer, he was smiling from ear to ear letting out a small “wow” under his breath, then he replayed your answer to listen to it one more time, rereading the subtitles under the video making sure he did not miss any words.

You chuckled at their individual reactions and resumed your crying at their reactions because you couldn’t believe they knew you and could be so cute towards a video of you

 “y/n Okay so, who is your favorite member?” “Well first off, I don't have a favorite member. I really mean it when I say this. I love them all equally and I love them all as a group. I don’t prefer one over the other or like one better.  I really do support them equally. I mean there is nothing wrong with having a bias, as long as you also respect the other members, hope that all made sense lol” Everyone seemed moved by your support towards them and nodded.

Again the boys reacted, they were so surprised they paused again and walked back and forth making sounds of excitement

Jimmy smiled proudly at you and helped you wipe a tear with a tissue 

“Y/n so you don’t have a favorite, but do you have a crush on any of them?, like if you could date one of them right now, which one do you pick?” A fan asked. “okay...well...Like I said just to be clear I don't have favorites amongst the group members, but I do have a type…. I consider one of them to be my celebrity crush”......“So in that case, if I had to pick someone that I would date in real life...i would say…. Jungkook” 

You put your forehead on Jimmy’s desk, you felt embarrassed, you knew what was coming, the audience was also reacting along and they got super excited at this part. You were scared over what BTS would think/say about this.

The. Guys. Went. Nuts. Jungkook immediately stood up and lifted his hands up in the air as if he had won an award, he paused the video and started smiling like crazy; 

A staff member spoke to Jungkook on the video : “How do you feel Jungkook?” He lifted his face from his hands and ran his fingers through his hair, his eyes were glossy and his smile wide. “I-I don't know what to say, I can’t believe it,” he said as he sat down looking  at the pause screen, looking at your still image. His hyungs patted him on the back; Jimin turned his head to the staff as he was rubbing JK’s back with one hand, “You know Jungook has had the biggest crush on y/n for so long now” Jimin told the staff. 

you completely froze, you started shaking, Jimmy was looking at you happily, the audience was going crazy, even the crew was invested in the k-drama worthy content. You went numb, you kept looking at the screen frozen.

Jungkook looked up and spoke to the staff: “Yeah I remember listening to her debut song for the longest time without really thinking about who the artist was. When her first studio album broke records I decided to look her up, I watched a video of her talking about the album and her experience as a new artist and I think ever since then I have had a crush on her; she is my ideal type”

Everyone was going crazy in the Tonight Show studio. EVEN Jimmy let go of you and stood up pacing around his desk, no one was expecting this. You came out of your trance as Jimmy shook you and you wiped more tears clouding your vision.

“Why is she your ideal type?” a staff member in the back asked JK. “Ha. um. well  I think my ideal type of girl is someone who is funny and has a bright and cool personality; someone who as soon as they step into a room they immediately light it up; someone who is goofy and isn't afraid to become a joke or mess up; A confident person; someone who isn't too girly or too boyish; someone who likes to learn new  things and from who I can learn new things too; someone who is younger than me; Someone who loves dancing and singing a lot, etc. And y/n is kinda all that and more tbh; 

You felt like you were dreaming… Totally forgetting you were on live television. The butterflies in your stomach felt more like birds. your heart pounding out of your chest and body glued to your seat.

The video of you time skipped again to the ‘fantasy’ answer’: “Okay so, my literal fantasy is to one day meet them at a talk show, you know how hosts like to surprise their guests with something/someone they like?, I believe Ellen has done it multiple times where she surprised a guest with their idol or celebrity crush, you know?” The group nodded, invested in your fake scenario “Well i would be invited to like the Jimmy Fallon Show, where he would just randomly surprise me with BTS. Then I would be given the opportunity to introduce myself and tell them how much I love and support them. I would also be able to show them my korean speaking skills, I learned Korean and Spanish back in school and I have never been able to actually use either them, lol, anyway...well after that we would all become really good friends, and we would collaborate and put out one or multiple songs for you guys. I mean that's basically it, I wish I could meet them, and become their friend and write songs with them, even produce songs with Suga or RM if I could'' 

you cringed at the sound of your voice, you were so embarrassed. The audience, crew and Jimmy found this and your reaction to be so adorable.

“What???? does she speak korean?” / “OMG Jungkook is she speaks korean marry her” / “OMG I wanna meet her now”  / “That's so cute” / “She is so cool” 

oMg, even after the video stopped you kept crying and sobbing, it almost felt like you had made it in life, you curled into a ball, you didn't care if you were live or not.

(end of video, camera was back to you and Jimmy only)

“y/n this is amazing, this was my first time watching the video too, how do you feel, hahahaha stop crying this is good y/n” He rubbed your hand and passed you a new tissue from his desk. You cleaned yourself up and accepted a new water bottle from a crew assistant.

“I- I’m at a loss for words Jimmy, I cannot even process it; I love them so much hahaha” You sniffed and looked at Jimmy innocently. “By the way I am so sorry for crying like this, ew I’m a mess right now, I so sorry for anyone watching” 

“No no, you are good, your fans love you and love to see the real you; right guys?” Jimmy said looking at the crowd and once again they all cheered for you, this made you happy and you smiled again. “Thank You all so much, thank you to anyone involved in the making of this reaction video and this segment of the show AND FOR WHOEVER ADDED THE SUBTITLES FOR THE STUDIO hahaha, I am so happy, I want to keep crying but I will compose myself for now and once I go home cry some more hahaha” 

“Y/N so obviously you are an ARMY, would you mind playing a small game with me?...” You nodded at Jimmy. “Okay so after the break we will be back  with y/n, and she will prove how big of an ARMY she actually is…”

Another commercial break was called, Meg again came over and cleaned you up, she fixed your hair and makeup and then made you change into some sneakers (you performed in heels), fresh sweatpants and a shirt that compliment your figure. Your manager told you that for the next segment you needed comfy clothes. You had so much in your mind right now you didn’t even question it.

“Okayyy and we are back everybody, so right now as you can see y/n has changed into a more sporty outfit, right y/n?” you looked at him and at the camera and answered back. “Yeah, i’m in my natural form now” you said as you modeled your comfy wear

“So today I will put your BTS knowledge to the test, I will play a snippet of a BTS song, to your right you have two buttons ‘dance button’ or ‘sing’ button; you can either dance to the part being played when you hit the dance button or keep singing the song if your hit the ‘sing’ button.” Jimmy challenged you as he explained the next activity, to the left of you a small table with both buttons and a mic was set up, you accepted and started the challenge; the game went like this; Dynamite, dance; Mic Drop, dance; No more dream, dance; Daechwita, sing/rap; the crowd was super hyped and Jimmy was loving your energy and the way you executed the songs perfectly, suddenly you recognized Euphoria being played, you clicked the sing button and you started to complete the lyrics as the music was switched to ‘karaoke mode’… you started to sing and suddenly you heard a voice behind you singing with you, and you couldn’t even turn around to prove yourself you were not mistaken, you knew that voice too well, the live audience was losing it, the crew looked excited, you went numb, you looked back and it seemed like a joke, a complete dream…..

The seven guys were coming out from behind the curtain, being led by Jungkook, he was singing the bridge of the song, mic in hand and just looking at you. Your knees gave out and you curled on your knees as you cried on your knees, ‘there is no way’, you could even begin to process what was going on, The boys were a little shy and stayed behind you as Jimmy lifted you from the floor and made you look at them.....

----

PART 4 > HERE

AHhhh I love this part hahahhaha

Hope you liked it. PArt 4 is up; please give me a lil <3 if you liked this. :) Xx

[stylesnews]

Not only is Watermelon Sugar Harry Styles’ biggest single to date, the million-selling smash has a Grammy to its name, too. Now, the question is, could it be the first of many?

In a leather suit and feather boa, Styles performed the Fine Line favourite at the Grammys last weekend, going on to thank Sony Music Group CEO Rob Stringer, Full Stop Management’s Jeffrey Azoff, co-writer Kid Harpoon and the rest of his team in his acceptance speech. Blood Orange's Dev Hynes (above, left) and Styles' friend and collaborator Mitch Rowland (right) were part of his band on the night.

The award for Best Pop Solo Performance is Styles’ first Grammy, and there’s a sense that this moment had been coming for the singer, not to mention the ubiquitous Watermelon Sugar.

The track has 1,231,583 sales to date according to the Official Charts Company. A total of 1,104,219,723 Spotify streams and 198 million YouTube views show just how huge it has become. It has streaked ahead of his debut single Sign Of The Times (1,111,176) as his biggest in the UK. Adore You, his third million-seller, isn’t far behind on 1,024,195. Fine Line has moved 410,832 copies.

There’s no doubt that the No.2 album represents a watershed moment for Styles, and Kid Harpoon – Music Week’s Songwriter Of The Year 2020 – said just that in his recent Music Week interview, which told the story of Watermelon Sugar in our Hitmakers feature.

“As much as he’s been part of One Direction, it really feels like he’s shed the, ‘Of One Direction’ thing,” said Tom Hull. “I saw an article someone wrote saying you don’t have to say, ‘Of One Direction’ anymore and that’s a really nice moment, knowing him and what he’s been working towards.”

Hull told us that “big songs” are putting Styles on another level.

“When you come from something so commercially insane, you kind of have to deliver when you go solo, and he wanted to do that on his terms,” said Hull. “There were so many easier routes to get there than the ones he took, working with weird British dudes like me. I’m so buzzing for him. His vision was, ‘Let’s make an album,’ and it really feels like an album. I go back and listen to it and I absolutely love it, but I’m also excited by what’s to come form him. He’s still growing and learning and honing his songwriting skills and being a part of that is really exciting for me.”

Universal Music Publishing Group boss Mike McCormack also stressed the weight of what Styles has achieved with Fine Line.

“Remember, the album was released in 2019, so the fact that Watermelon Sugar was No.1 in the US eight months later is pretty crazy,” he said. “Sony have done an amazing job. And it completely validates Harry’s decision to do it his way. He would have had the pick of any of the biggest songwriters in the world, they would have wanted to be involved in Harry’s album. But he was adamant that they stick to this very small team and Tom is fortunate to be right at the epicentre of that steering the ship with Harry. It’s an incredible success story really. And it’s great that it’s British as well.”

There are no confirmed details of new music from Styles yet, but Hull suggested that ideas are in the pipeline.

“I just know he’s got more to give, which is kind of scary to be honest,” he said. “We’ve been doing bits and bobs, we’ve been sending voice notes and working on bits here and there, just lyrics and bits and bobs. Hopefully there’ll be something [new] at some point, I don’t really know where we are, but we’ve definitely been getting into it, we’ll see.”

Hull also revealed details of some unreleased songs the pair wrote together in Japan during a trip before the Fine Line sessions began.

“Harry was in Japan and he said, ‘Do you want to come out and write?’ and I said, ‘Why don’t I come and I’ll stay in a hotel room near you and we’ll hire a mic and some guitars and I’ll just bring my laptop,’” Hull explained. “It was a vaguely disguised lads’ trip, but we also wrote some really good songs. There’s a couple we’re still in love with. There was one that nearly made it to the record. We have a couple from there that are really special that hopefully will see the light of day at some point.”

Hull said he and Styles are “still obsessed” with the song, though he did not reveal the title.

“It’s the same as the Watermelon thing with this song,” he said. “It’s got… There’s a certain feeling in it, we’re just going to have to chip away at it and hopefully get it.”

Hull emphasised the importance of the closeness between Styles and his small group of collaborators, which includes Tyler Johnson and Mitch Rowland, adding that it led to a unique hitmaking experience.

“It was full of so many emotions of friendship, Harry feels like a brother to me, it feels deeper,” he said. “It feels like family, and the music was almost secondary to just being friends, which created a culture, an ease in the songwriting that you don’t get in a lot of other situations.”

With the BRITs approaching, all eyes are on what Harry Styles does next.

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Let’s talk: Grievances and Cuteness - BTS on You Quiz on the Block

by Admin 1

Today BTS were guests on You Quiz on the Block, a very popular Korean variety show on tvN, and it was a wonderful mix of fun and hilarious, but also serious, vulnerable and honest. Seeing as we don’t have subtitles yet, merely the things our marvelous translator ARMYs managed to translate for us—the episode was 100 minutes long so there was a lot going on and being said—I don’t want to get into detail in this post and instead will wait with that until we have subs and I’ll be able to sit down and watch it properly again, focus on things that stick out to me and I would want to talk about. So that I can do their words justice.

Instead I want to use this post to air some of my grievances, directed at fellow ARMY, “ARMY” and shippers, as well as just gush a little about a few cute moments. The more serious things will be in a different post sometime soon. I hope that’s okay.

Grievances

What is the point of Bangtan going on a show like this, especially one that is broadcast on national TV and very popular with the general public? It’s to share not only their funny side but also their honest and genuine one, share stories that, though some we’ve heard before as ARMY, they’re things the general public doesn’t necessarily know. The point of them sharing vulnerable moments and memories with us is to simply be honest and transparent, something they’ve always highlighted as important to them.

What is the part we play in this, what is it that we should do? We are simply supposed to listen, understand the things they are telling us, put things into perspective so we know what they felt in certain moments and periods of their lives, understand that they’re human too with struggles, fears and sadness, and we should cherish the fact that they tell us any of it at all. They could just as well only show up whenever there’s a new album and comeback and then disappear again, share nothing personal at all and put on entirely fake personas. But they don’t. And we should be grateful for that and happy because of it.

Now, the reason why I even wanted to write this in the first place is this:

Many, and I mean many have decided that instead of doing what I’ve highlighted a moment ago, a far better course of action would be to twist their words, manipulate them, use them to victimize the members (and especially Seokjin), and try to overanalyze them in favor of their desired narratives and especially their ships, even if whatever was being said had absolutely nothing to do with any ship at all.

Before the episode even finished airing, solos/mantis were already up in arms “crying” about mistreatment and victimizing Seokjin because *insert demands they have no right to make at all* and when Seokjin, bless him, was on weverse, he actually replied to a post where he basically said that parts of what he said were too sad/depressing, so he simply asked the You Quiz staff to cut them out, which would explain why he seemed to have “less to say” during his interview section with Yoongi. Did that help? Of course not. Even though it showed not only that he did say more, that he likely said more vulnerable things, but also that he made the decision for himself that he did not want to share that yet, because he’s not ready for it or because he came to the conclusion that he simply doesn’t want to period, and that his wish for them to cut it out was met. Even though it wasn’t BH controlled content, but You Quiz.

More below the cut:

What does this tell us? The members have control over what is aired and what is not. If they feel something is too personal or would come across wrong, they can voice objection and chances are their words will be met and followed. They aren’t victims in need of saving, aren’t helpless boys with no idea what they’re doing. They are serious musicians, respected and treated well. This is a good thing and I’m glad he told us that, even if many don’t want to hear it and immediately claimed that “oh yeah BH told him to shut us up”. The mental gymnastics some are willing to do to make things fit their agenda truly baffles me sometimes.

On the other hand, I’ve seen shippers try to twist words or put others into the members mouths to push their agenda, and we’ve even had one or two asks being sent to us basically sadly wondering if maybe Tae isn’t who we thought he is for Jimin, and neither is Hobi, because of something Jimin said. Even though the thing Jimin said had quite literally nothing to do with either Tae or Hobi. In a way, I get where such vminnies are coming from, as vminnies we would love to just hear vmin talk about each other all day because it’s cute and we love their bond and stories, but it’s not like we didn’t get that. Because we did. Unprompted. Jimin mentioned Tae during their trio interview and told a story, even if we’ve heard it before to a certain degree. And yet it still wasn’t enough? Like come on, please don’t do this. Don’t reduce everything the members do and say to just ship related and non-ship related (thus uninteresting) statements and actions, as though the latter is worth less.

Here is the moment in question:

The way I see it, the only thing we should take away from this is that despite these very human fears and struggles, wonderings if people only care about Jimin because he is BTS Jimin and not Park Jimin, he still had and has good people in his life that’ll remind him that he is appreciated and loved for who he is, and not just for his celebrity status. Friends even outside of Bangtan. Why do we have to take something so incredibly personal, this moment of vulnerability from Jimin, and try to overanalyze it? To twist it to fit a ship? Regardless which one. Or to twist it to fit some kind of narrative, whatever one it may be? Please don’t do that.

Sure, Admin 2 noticed his use of ‘chingu’ when talking about this friend that told him that, and sure it reminded me of what Jimin said to Tae in the FESTA 2020 Rolling Paper, but neither Admin 2 nor I will go and claim that oh he must’ve been talking about Tae but didn’t want to use his name to avoid XYZ because we are not in his head and, at the end of the day, it’s irrelevant who exactly said that to him. That wasn’t the point of that story. Like at all. So why are some people disregarding the point in favor of speculations? Why are some completely ignoring his words, downplaying them as just potential ship material instead of appreciating the fact that he told us that at all?

It’s unfair toward Jimin, and the other members as well when they tell similar stories. Their lives aren’t fictional stories that revolve around romance. They are real people with real lives and more friends than just their fellow members and that’s a good thing since it surely gives them the opportunity to feel less isolated, cut off from the world by nature of their occupation and status. Besides, in the past Tae said something similar as well, how he used to be a social butterfly and make friends easily wherever they went but eventually he understood that people didn’t really care about Kim Taehyung and instead just wanted to know BTS V and be able to use that to brag, so he stopped being so outgoing. And we’ve also seen Jimin talk about cutting out friends in the past if they said something negative about Bangtan, then, a few years later, saying that he’s grown more as a person and learned to not allow these things to affect him as much, to surround himself with genuine people.

So, in light of what he said in that segment, we should be happy for him. And that’s it.

We also saw people use what Tae said about his dad to push the he must be 100% heterosexual because he said he wants to be a dad narrative which, where do I even start. Perhaps with the fact that this statement relies on a mistranslation? Because he didn’t say he wants to be a dad but that he wants to be a person like his dad, that’s his dream. Perhaps with the blatant homophobia this statement is laced in? The disregard for how queer people can also want to have kids, be parents, just like anyone else? Perhaps with how these things oddly seem to just be done to Tae and Namjoon, and especially Tae to use it for ship purposes?

Instead of jumping to conclusions, overanalyzing stories we are not supposed to analyze but instead to simply appreciate, please wait until we’ll have the full episode with subtitles (even though from the past we know that some of it may be simplified so reading what our translators wrote is also a good thing to get the whole picture) and even then, just enjoy their silliness and listen to their words of honesty. Listen to the fact that their fame was and continues to be a heavy weight on their shoulders, how instead of becoming cocky assholes they remained humble and genuine because that’s the kind of people they are and want to be, listen to what they want you to hear and now what you want to hear.

Also, to shippers—this isn’t the place to look for ship content of any kind, for some romantic confessions or whatever, because this was about Bangtan as seven members and their stories of the last ten and a half years since Namjoon joined BH and the idea for BTS was started.

Cute and silly things

Now that that's done, let’s talk about some fun and cute things to lighten the mood, shall we?

One of my favorite moments was when the MIC DROP ARMY came in as a surprise for the members, her confidence was off the charts and the guys looked so genuinely happy. After all it’s been so many months since they’ve last seen ARMY! And I’m so glad she was such a wonderful representative for us all, how she didn’t react with fear or shyness, didn’t scream or cry, but instead did her thing like a Queen. And the way the members reacted when she sent them a finger heart during one of the dances? Absolutely adorable! 

Also, she truly must’ve saved some kind of nation, or maybe two, in her past life since she also was gifted a chicken leg pillow by Tae. He’s just so kind and lovely.

Then we had the members play a game of trying to guess a song merely by the first second (I think) and then having to sing it, though who sang which part didn’t follow the actual order in the song but was chosen by someone off screen which meant that, for example, Tae was doing one of the rap line verses as well as singing Jimin’s part in another, Hobi showed off his vocal skills, and of course, the highlight, Namjoon singing a part from Spring Day. Even though we know Namjoon’s skills when it comes to singing are not the greatest, which I mean in a very loving way, no tea no shade, and yet he still went for it. It was hilarious and cute and showed that he is willing to be silly even if others might laugh at his expense.

Sometime after the episode aired Namjoon actually came onto Weverse to talk about the episode and, among other things, apologized for not singing Seokjin’s guide all that well. One thing I’d like to point out is how, originally, he wrote Jinhyung but then changed it to Seokjinie hyung, which is just a small and precious little detail:

Another cute moment was during ‘dance mafia’ when Tae turned to Jimin to ask him if they did well and Jimin replied that yes, he did well (both using this adorably soft tone with each other), they also hugged for a moment while smiling brightly. See, I said not to look for ship moments, but this is just cute regardless if you ship vmin or not. Admin 2 though would like to comment on how they could’ve given us that hug from a camera that’s a little further away so we could have a more proper look, or a longer shot of it, please?

Honestly that game was hilarious and the members who were mafia did a wonderful job tricking the others, particularly JK was fantastic at it since the second time around no one suspected him at all. Also, the fluffy ear muffs with cat (?) ears on them were adorable. At the end of the segment they were all supposed to strike a pose but Tae didn’t manage to put his ear muffs back on, so they fell to the ground and so Jimin lightly hit/caressed his chest and turned toward the MCs to ask if they could try again so that Tae could look good in it as well.

Actually, speaking of adorable in regard to Jimin, when they were introduced at the beginning of the show as RM-jagi-nim, jagi-nim being the name used for all the guests on the show and also the name on the necklace (given to guests who are fans of the show by the producers) Jimin showed off on weverse in his selcas, Jimin corrected the MC that it’s not Jimin-jagi-nim but Mini-jagi-nim which just…my heart. Too cute.

Lastly, I want to mention how all of them were asked what the first sentence would be if their lives were a book and their answers were just so very…them.

Namjoon: Predictions in life often turn out to be wrong

Tae: I’m a chameleon

Hobi: Dear, people who’ve helped to lead me here

Yoongi: You lived life to the fullest/hard/well

Seokjin: Dope, worldwide class!

Jimin: What kind of life do you want to live?

Jungkook: Hello?

Overall it was an amazing episode that was so fun to watch even without really being able to understand any of what was being said. Still the members genuine personalities shone through brightly and I’m glad they had fun and felt comfortable, especially since it’s been a while since they were last on Korean variety shows and some of their past experiences were…not great. I can’t wait to watch it again once we have subs and to write a more proper post about it then. I hope you didn’t mind this more…serious and “angry” post and understand where I’m coming from with my complaints, but also that you enjoyed the cute moments I highlighted.

[kinnoth]

Thor knows the end, but he has always known the end. Ragnarok has never been a mystery to him, to any of them. Every story ever told of Asgard ends in fire and in the darkness of nothing if one lets it go on for long enough. The Aesir have always been a doomed people: blood-loving, battle-loving, ever scratching for one more piece of glory to hold onto before the lights go out.

In truth, Thor had never expected to make it so far, and, perhaps, looking back on the trajectory of his life, he had never deserved to make it so far. The story of his life, as it has been charted, was ever one in which he would burn for a little while, then blaze for a while more, and then fall in a streak of fire, celebrated by his armies and ill-remembered by those he had conquered.

He was meant to have burned with his kingdom. His father would have burned with his kingdom. It is what is said of him in every attestation, that Odin Allfather loved his people and his kingdom until the end of both: because it was rightful, it was honourable, because it was foretold. Because Odin Allfather understood the sacrifice of kingship and the beauty of things that end.

Only greedy Thor, arrogant Thor, could have denied these people their rightful, honourable deaths. Only Thor could have snatched up these people from the glory of their own fates, and for what?

Space is cold after the fires of Asgard, cold and empty. The spiralling arms of the world tree cannot house a houseless people. All the sparkling stars that hang like fruits from its branches cannot feed them.

Thor leads his people to their doom, but he can find within himself no remorse for it. He has his brother back, standing tall and proud again beside him. Thor is not a stupid man, for all his great faults. He knows that his brother is dangerous and that he is disloyal. He has proven himself to be cruel and selfish and vain.

And yet, Loki moves beside him like his shadow as he circles through their huddled masses. Loki is good with them in a way that Thor isn't, in the way that their mother was good in the times after calamity. He touches their blackened hands and he talks to them lowly, with soothing words and gentle manner. He spins amusing tales for the children and listens, soft-eyed, to the lamentations of their mothers and fathers. They are Asgard's potters and weavers, merchantmen and clerks. They carry with them nothing but the clothes on their backs and the children in their arms. Had they been warriors, Thor might have led them and paid their way across the worlds with their swords, but as they are, they have nothing and want for everything.

He passes what assurances he can on to them. He tells them that they will be safe, that their children will not go hungry. He tells them tales of Midgard, of its glass cities and its gleaming black roads. He tells them of the rich, green hills of the Norsemen that Odin Once-King had declared would be their new home.

He feels Loki watching him. Somehow, he had forgotten how that had felt -- Loki, moving his head and his hands in subtle enquiry when emotion catches his voice; Loki, rephrasing his soldier's brusqueness into something easy and smooth; Loki remembering the details to his stories where he had forgotten. They had had a thousand years of companionship between them before these past ten in conflict and yet somehow, Thor had forgotten how it had felt to hold the weight of Loki's attention, familiar and following, as steadying as any hand.

Thor watches him as well, and, in the liminal moments in between, he drags them away from their duties and cloisters his brother away from the others. In private, Loki wears his quiet differently: his rounded shoulders find their angles and his tired eyes grow sharp and ready. Thor has him read for him the obscurities in their astronomical maps that Thor does not know enough to understand. They discuss the merits of various courses through the terrain, how to balance the preservation of their fuel next to the dangers of the shipping lanes. Loki is as studious and serious now as he is in Thor's memory. As he listens to Thor and thinks on his answers, his hand drifts absently up to his chin in a gesture he has not lost from childhood, and Thor feels again the stirring fondness he has only ever felt for his careful brother, lost in thought.

But Loki has not yet fully returned to him. It is clear in the way he stops in his sentences before they disagree and cuts away his gaze, the way he avoids Thor's hands in moments when he would not have before noticed Thor's touch. Perhaps he never will return, not wholly, and be as he was once, but Thor makes himself glad for what company he can have of him. Certain things have changed between them now in ways that he cannot hope to recover, and so Loki, though never a stranger, is perhaps more courteous than he has earned the right to be, blunter with his rebuke and shallower with his smile than Thor remembers. It is the measure of distance that Loki holds that serves to remind him always that, while Thor may again have a brother, he does not have a friend.

Perhaps that is for the best. Perhaps that is enough. Perhaps they can work together and they can lead their people, and Thor can put aside his ache for a better world and content himself with what he has. Because for all that he would like to do it, Thor does not trust his brother, even as he knows that he would not want to endure this long life without him. And perhaps he, too, is vain, but -- for this fragile truce between them, this makeshift peace -- he would have damned them all a thousand times without a second thought. Loki is here, and Thor believes again, as he did when he was young: that with his brother at his side, there is no quandary in the universe that the two of them cannot conquer.

Still, he startles when he feels a hand lay across his back. He is half-asleep, hunched over their star maps and logbooks again, looking for ways through disaster as though, if he looked long enough, he could divine new meaning into the numbers. He looks up to see Loki drawing his white hand back into the shadow of his cloak, a plaintive expression clearing quickly from his face.

"You are tired," Loki says. His voice is soft and unreadable. "You should rest."

"Yes," Thor replies. He had been dreaming, but of what, he doesn't remember now that he is awake. Impressions of fire and shadow splinter under the weight of waking until all that remains is the metal taste of urgency and guilt in his mouth. He sets his palm over his eyes and scrubs until all he sees again are stars. They are twenty-two jumps points outside of Asgard and he doesn't know how they are going to make it to twenty-three.

When next he looks up, Loki regards him with a look nearing sympathy. "Come with me," he says, and it is a testament to how truly tired Thor is that he follows without question. Loki leads him through a warren of utilitarian back rooms, storage spaces and servants quarters stripped bare of the Grandmaster's glitter and sculpted luxury. There is a narrow wire staircase twisting up past the rafters, and then Loki brings him into a room.

Something about the arrangement of it strikes Thor as immediately familiar, though he cannot place how. There is a low bed pushed against the wall and shelves built above it. From the ceiling hang bundles of scented dried things wrapped in scrap cloth, and on the far wall is a wide window, looking out into the void. Pale flame flickers to life in the brazier by the door and this is Loki's room, from back home, Thor realises, his private royal chamber scaled down to fit this space the size of a pauper's cell.

Thor touches the brutally bare wall. They are so close to the engines here that he can feel them humming beneath his hand. He steps after Loki into the room and passes his fingers over the fire as he walks. There is no warmth and so he reaches into the centre of it and picks up a glowing ember. It pulses like a living thing, faintly green around the edges. Foxfire, he recognises, Loki’s magic used for the crude banality of lighting a room. "Is this where you've been sleeping?" he asks, unable to keep the reproach from his voice.

Loki has opened a hidden compartment and is unpinning the cloak from his shoulders. He looks strange and unguarded for a moment, and Thor is sorry to have spoken without thought. Loki looks away. "You did not wonder?"

Thor shrugs with deliberate disaffectedness. "I didn't think it was any of my business," he says. He peers around the corners of the doorway. There is a bath beyond a half-closed door and, next to it, a meagre kitchen. It is odd to think of Loki, imperious and supercilious, cooking meals for himself off of one small hob. It is odd to think of his brother living sparsely, when their mother’s one enduring criticism of him was how he spent too freely. How much more of his life has Loki concealed from him? How else has he lived that Thor does not know?

Loki emerges from his closet, much the same but with all his dignity drawn about him once again. He plucks the coal from Thor’s hand and uses it to light the other lamps around the room. “This used to be my room when the Grandmaster took me out on his excursions," he explains. "I didn’t think anyone would mind it if I took it up again. Of course, I didn’t spend much time here,” he adds as he gives Thor back his ember. “The rooms downstairs, housing Asgard's people, those were for his guests. They are much more comfortable.”

Thor takes the glowing coal, holds it in his palm again for a moment before tossing it back into the brazier with the others. “And what were you then?” he asks suspiciously. A species of confusion mated to a kind of rage creeps up into his chest, but he pushes down on it with the ease of long practice, until naught but a faint abhorrence emerges into his conscious thought.

Loki smiles. ”Household.”

"Here,” he says before Thor can unravel his unease. A dark, ornate bottle appears between his fingertips and uncorks itself with a pop. He presses it into Thor’s hand. “Have a drink with me."

Thor twists his mouth. “Are we out of clean glasses again?” A fragrance at once sweet and sharply medicinal wafts up from the open neck. The liquid itself is nearly black.

Loki gestures as he folds himself onto the ledge by the window. He pulls a knee up to his chest and leans his cheek up against it. “Would you accept a glass from me?” he asks demurely.

Thor snorts. ”You are right, I would not.” He hesitates a moment longer before crossing the room and going to stand next to his brother. The universe spins out, endless, outside of their ark, colours of a bruise casting ghostly lights against Loki’s back and the side of his turned face. “It used to be one of your favourite tricks for your guests to find some nasty surprise at the bottom of their cups.” He offers his brother a wry look as he hands the bottle back.

Loki’s smile is small but not fully unhappy. “That was childish of me,” he agrees.

”You put snakes in my cup at my coronation.” Thor points out. “We were not children then.”

”Weren't we?" Loki asks lightly, and Thor's hackles rise, the prickle on the back of his neck like static before a storm. Loki is in some sort of mood tonight, not wholly hostile, but unsettled somehow, and Thor has ever known him to be changeable. He lifts the bottle in a sardonic salute and, smirking, tilts back his long throat and drinks deep. The glass slowly drains to clear as Loki finishes, gasping with satisfaction. He holds up the bottle, still three quarters full. "There, brother, you see?" he says, as he wipes the corners of his mouth. "Nothing to fear."

Something about the dark stain of Loki's mouth perturbs Thor in a way that strikes him wary and short of breath, but he takes the bottle back. His voice pitched low, he asks, with a cheer he does not truly feel, ”So what poison do you intend for the both of us then?”

Loki shakes his head and laughs. “No, not even poison.” His eyes are wet and a little unfocused. "Will you not drink?"

Thor hesitates a moment more but then, he too smiles shallowly and drinks. The liquor is hot on the tongue but surprisingly light, fruited like wine but without wine's cloying sweetness. He swallows. ”That is very fine," he says approvingly. The drink’s warm fingers spread down his throat and into his chest where they begin to pick at the knots tied up there. "I did not know we had anything near so fine on this ship. Is there more of it?" He tilts the bottle to read the label.

Loki scoffs. "Not enough to water your entire kingdom, if that's what you mean."

“A pity then.” Thor takes another generous swallow and the warmth spreads. These Sakaarian spirits are stronger than Asgardian mead, and Thor is beginning to think that he prefers it. “The kingdom could use a good watering after what it's just been through.” He raises the bottle. “A salutation then, to -- what are we drinking for?”

“A victory?” Loki shrugs. He moves to make room as Thor gingerly lowers himself down onto the seat next to him, careful to keep his distance. “Anything you like.”

Thor laughs hollowly. “That was a poor victory then, if that's what you'd call it.”

In the flickering light, Loki’s pale eyes shutter and he grins his brief and bitterly mirthless grin. He looks away and drinks, then leans again on his folded knee. “Do you grieve?” he asks perfectly without inflection.

Thor stops. He sees Loki’s fingers flexing white at the knuckles around each other even as his face remains impassive. His shoulders are set in perfect right angles to his spine. “You know,” Thor says contemplatively, “if you would have asked me that ten years ago, around the time you were still putting snakes in my cups, I would have said yes. I would have drank for our golden halls and our gleaming city and all of our sun-loved fields. But now." He sighs. Loki glances at him, the only indication that he is even listening. His eyes are wide and waiting. Around the room, the pale fires sputter in their wicks and spin. He has stopped his breathing. Thor reaches for him and lays the backs of his fingers lightly along his arm. Loki winces, takes a breath, but does not pull away.

Thor feels his own misgivings be gentled, and says softly, "I suppose that's what a loss as great as this shows you. When you have no choice but to choose, you pick out what's really important from the rest and you are happy that you get to keep it. We have lost so much, but it could have been more." His hand slowly flattens to curl around the lean muscle of Loki’s arm. Thor can feel the heat and the solid weight of him, welcome and familiar in a way that little else has been in these recent years.

"Brother," he begins softly. "Will you not grieve--"

"But what of all your worshippers?” Loki's expression when he turns is hard and terrible, red-rimmed eyes above a hooked sneer, and held in such rictus as if he were an animal trapped under thick ice. “Your great armies? Your Warriors Three?” he intones, as he yanks himself away from Thor’s touch, drawing back into himself once more. "Your Lady Sif?"

Thor draws his hands back into his own lap, stricken. What feats these hands have wrought, what power they hold, and yet he cannot claw back into them an ounce of his brother’s confidence. Has he not tried? Has he not let Loki draw near, examine every part of him and find him wary and uncertain, but sincere? He remembers the tentative proximity they had devised in the first night aboard the ship. Loki had asked and Thor had allowed him to draw him down, to examine his disfigured eye and to cleanse it and close what he could, to touch his fingertips through his shorn hair as he did it. What had that been but Thor's hopes laid bare? What had that been but Thor's soul beckoning: look at me; see me; recognise me; if we cannot be alone together then we will truly be alone.

Thor breathes deep and says, lowly, with a line of resignation understriking the words, “Have you brought me here to start a fight then, Loki?”

Loki's face, ruddy and savage with emotion, flinches violently. He blinks and then, as if swept by a great wind, his expression clears. “No, forgive me,” he says, his voice cool and easy. "I am." He shrugs, and, after a moment, waves his hand. The spinning lights right themselves. Another bottle appears between his fingers. He hands it to Thor and then he returns to himself, perfectly neat and self-contained.

Thor hates, suddenly, all of this, every measure of it: his brother’s carefully constructed dispassion and the way he will not fully meet Thor’s eyes; the choking fist of his own fear that this is how it has to be now, this is how they are going to be to one another from now on. Loki sits curled in on himself like a loose fist protecting a bruise and Thor is no more permitted to unfurl him to test his injury any more than he is to go back and undo Ragnarok. This he mourns, more than all else: that he used to know his brother, and he was known by him, trusted and was trusted. It used to be that when they were together, Thor had believed in immortality.

He is gripped by the sudden urge to touch Loki, as if that would make any difference, as if that would make anything better. It used to. He thinks it used to. Thor remembers how easy it had used to be to know where he was and how to make his way back because Loki would find his hand and guide him. He wants to take Loki by the shoulders and shake him, or to reach underneath the curtain of his hair and put his hand to skin.

But instead he is here, in this insatiable present that takes and takes and lets him have nothing back. Loki holds himself placidly as if nothing at all has been said or transpired, and Thor's despair turns to cold fury.

"Odin was right, you are devious and disdainful and difficult to love," Thor says icily. Loki looks at him, properly, finally. His eyes are open with surprise and confusion. Good. If Loki wants a fight then Thor is more than happy to give him one; he is hungry for Loki's pain, if he can have nothing else. Thor spurs on, heat rising up his neck and behind the sockets of his eyes, "You've found reason to hate everyone and everything that ever had the misfortune of crossing your path. Nothing is ever good enough for Loki; no one is ever good enough for Loki. There would always be something, some way you could distort an honest word into something evil, turn even the truest praise into injustice. You are so twisted we could use you as a corkscrew."

Loki recoils as if physically struck and Thor feels a rush of cruel satisfaction to see him hurt. Loki should hurt. If Thor must hurt than Loki can hurt. It is their basest of axioms: whatever Thor has, then Loki must have too.

"Little wonder why you were no good king," he spits, unsheathed now, seeking blood. He wants to see Loki break. "You look for shadows and schemes because your heart is filled with nothing but shadows and schemes. Little wonder, too, why you could not content yourself with the vast privileges of your station. You were Asgard’s prince and my brother and Odin's son, but still you found a way to be claim misuse. It is like you run from happiness. You are incapable of being grateful." He shoves the bottle back toward Loki with such force that it topples off its broad base. The fine spirits pours out of it in fat gluts.

His brother regards the drink soaking into his floor and splashing over his shoes. His pale face is awash with an awful flush. With a jerking gesture, he rights the bottle and the black liquid funnels itself back into it. He drinks for a long moment and then sets it down. His stillness has taken a different quality, wound and waiting, like a pendulum before the downswing. "I was not your brother, don’t you remember?" he says lowly. "Not your father's son, not your people's prince. I was nothing. That is what I ran from, being nothing."

Thor feels tension string through his muscles. Fighting he knows; fighting he can do; fighting comes naturally to him even if his heart is breaking. "You were one of us," he retorts through his teeth. "You were loved."

Loki lets out a great bark of a laugh and wheels to his feet. "I was not," he says poisonously. "Great Thor, mighty Thor, golden Thor, loved by all. Easy to love." He is pacing, his long strides eating up the little distance of the floor so that he has to turn every fourth step. His movement is disjointed, unhinged. Thor is reminded again of his brother, wild and caged, wreacking ruin upon himself when given nothing else to destroy. "Of course you wouldn’t see it," Loki scathes. "It is so difficult for the beloved to see that not all share in their condition, after all."

Thor draws back, raises his chin. His pulse is in his ears. He should never have come in the first place. He could have lived with what peace they had between them, and now he won't even have that. "Mother loved you," he challenges, his voice rising. "I loved you."

His brother flips his hand dismissively. "You loved everyone, what’s one more."

"I loved you best!"

Thor is on his feet as static gathers in the air. Loki stops, holds his gaze steadily, breathing hard. "I was happy," he says after a moment. "Perhaps it was never to any great effect, but I was happy once. But then, I was not who I thought I was." He drags in a breath and wrings together his trembling hands. "And I did not know what I know now." He stands in the middle of his sparse, dark little room and looks, suddenly, unspeakably small and lost. Thor steps toward him, but his brother looks up and fixes him with a glittering stare and he stops.

"So I have been selfish and self-serving, but who else but I served Loki-prince?" he says bitterly. "I was faithful to Asgard for over a thousand years and saw nothing but ashes for it. So if I took the things that Asgard would not give me in the end, ought I to be sorry?”

Thor huffs and breaks his gaze to hide his discomfort. "You were prince of the Nine Realms," he replies darkly. "What could you have possibly wanted for that could not be furnished to you?"

Loki snarls, "I have never had what I truly wanted, have you?" The room flares bright white for a moment and Thor startles, whirling about. Loki's foxfire pulses threateningly in its brazier.

Thor crosses his arms over his chest defiantly. He will not be cowed by a display of theatrics. "I had everything," he lies even though he knows it is not what Loki means.

Loki goes stiff and then, all at once, the venomous rage empties from his sharp face. He asks with a sudden, pleading sorrow, “Then do you not want?”

Greedy Thor, arrogant Thor does not respond, but his brother meets his burning gaze and seems to see through him. Thor’s heart is caught beneath his chin. He doesn’t know what Loki sees, but he prays that it is not everything.

Loki searches him a moment longer but then looks away. Thor feels a cavernous feeling as if he has been assessed somehow and found lacking. But Thor has won: his brother is crying and doing a poor job in hiding it. He waits for the satisfaction to come and to chase away the guilt.

But then Loki turns. "You're not the first I've disappointed with my unworthiness, brother," he says, quiet again, still again, distant. "You are hardly the first to cast me out because I did not suit. Hate me if you want, then," he says, a fissure opening beneath his smooth voice, "but I never hated them, your friends, your family, or Asgard. I only ever hated how they hated me, and yet you still loved them for it." He spreads his palm and light gathers between his fingertips. Thor knows what that is.

Thor lunges for him, his pulse in his ears, crossing the room in three quick strides. He seizes his brother by the wrist and Loki's pocket dimension snaps shut; whatever implement he was retrieving dissolves back into the darkness. Loki jerks away instinctively but Thor holds him tight. "I am not casting you out!" he cries. He crowds into him with his body, Loki stepping back for his every step forward until the wall stops them both. Thor pins his brother's arm. Loki looks jolted a moment, confusion opening his face as Thor leans his weight against him. They are both breathing hard. "I am not," he repeats.

Loki shoves at him with his free arm, his hand balling and gripping him menacingly by the open collar of his chest plate. "No?" he asks, acid hissing through his voice once more. "Odd, then, how that was what it sounded like."

"I was only angry," Thor says, his mouth dry, bracing, expecting the violence of his brother's anger. "I didn’t mean what I said." But Loki isn't fighting him. Thor knows how his brother fights, has been stung by those deadly hands often enough; he knows that his brother is not a man easily mastered. But Loki gasps, as though Thor has hurt him, and beneath Thor's agony and his racing pulse, a black thrill runs him through. He changes his grip on Loki's wrist, and pushes his shoulder back until his arm bends up above his head. Loki lets him, watching. Thor's mind races; his terror mounts. He feels powerful. "Brother, I didn't mean it," he rasps. "Don't go." He is trembling.

Loki's eyes grow narrow. "Oh, Thor," he breathes, "are you frightened?"

"Yes," Thor says readily. "Is that so surprising to you?" He needs to let him go, but instead his grip tightens on Loki's arm. He feels Loki's throat working, the subtle movements of his head and neck, and he feels, again, the stirring, ugly cruelty that has lived inside him all his life. Its pulse fills his mouth, like a separate thing from his own. Thor's blood and body ignite for one indomitable moment before the guilt overruns him, his own self-disgust. He puts his face into his brother's shoulder so that he might avoid his incising gaze. "Yes, I am frightened," he says hollowly. "I did not want this."

Thor is lowly and vulgar and undeserving of being called a man. He is the very basest creature, captive to his vagaries, caring for nothing but his own comfort and gratification. He will destroy this cobweb peace between them for an upper hand, drive his brother away in a fit of pique, and for what?

He feels Loki stiffen as Thor's misery makes him dull and heavy. "Want what, be specific," his brother hisses. He shoves at Thor again, curses crackling in his fist this time, no mere punctuation.

"Any of this. All of it," Thor mutters thickly. His feels his own breath hot on his face as the leather shoulders of Loki's shirt repel it back to him. The trap in his throat cannot contain his every secret, and what spills out does so like a cut vein. "Odin’s kingdom, the crown, the fate of Asgard." He squeezes his eyes shut and grieves that he cannot even be with Loki, cannot ask of him to share a drink without Loki's bad faith and his own bad impulses coming between them.

They truly are ruined, he thinks, as he counts his brother's quick heartbeats through his palm, and Thor can be neither the man he wants to be nor the man he needs to be anymore. "I did not want for them to take me," he says. "I did not want to become that which I hated, what you hated, what had killed you and our mother and made our father a stranger to us. I thought I would rather die, but now it is here anyway, and there is nowhere left for me to run."

There is a pause and then Loki says, his voice soft and careful. "It is kingship, brother. It is what we were born to do."

Thor lets out a breath like a sob. "It is a rotten job, Loki. It is rotten to its core." He lifts his head and searches his brother's face. "It consumes you, it becomes your world until your heart may hold nothing but it, and your soul may love nothing but it, and you would rather see your queen die for it and your sons disgraced for it rather than lose even a fraction of it."

Loki is not crying anymore. He looks upon Thor with such bewilderment and concern that Thor wishes, once more, to hide his despair, but that his brother deserves to be looked in the eye. "Would that I were only a man," he continues. "Would that this were only an occupation of a father being passed to a son, but it is not. It is a wolf at my door, brother, and I must let it in, but I cannot do it without you beside me."

Loki's brows are pinched, his iridescent eyes wide with honest heartache. He lifts his hand from the wall and Thor lets him go. He feels a touch alight on his temple, between the chevroned scars on his scalp. "I did not think it would hurt you so," his brother says in wonderment. He touches fingertips to the corners of Thor's eye where his sorrow has gathered but not fallen, and Thor only wishes that his brother could let himself be held.

"You are better made for it than I," Thor tells him as Loki tugs on him and Thor's head falls back down against his brother's throat. Loki hums and lays his cool hand lightly along the back of his skull, stroking contemplatively. Thor allows himself to be pacified, and the shameful, screaming something in his heart quietens for the moment, as it only ever does beneath his brother's hands. He sighs. "I need your strength and your wisdom and your friendship, Loki." He fists his fingers into the flanks of Loki's shirt and pulls meaningfully. "You asked me if I did not want, and that is it. I want you here with me. I want us to be friends again."

"We cannot be friends."

Thor looks up. His brother's eyes are wet but he smiles beatifically. "We cannot be friends," he repeats. "I will serve Asgard, I will be your brother, and I will serve you, but even I, poor fool that I am, must keep something for myself. Don't you see?" he says, his voice cracking with a building fervour. "I am as you say that I am: unworthy and ungrateful and the keeper of my own misery. I used to wish that I wasn't, but I am. And I must keep something, or else I shall have nothing at all." His fingers flex unconsciously on the edge of Thor's plate armour and, with a crunching snap, the metal rends beneath them. Loki hisses.

Thor stops him. "Loki, brother," he says, picking up his narrow hand and enfolding it between the both of his. Loki quakes, on the verge of something, and Thor sympathises even as he doesn't know what it is. He keeps his eyes cast low as he presses their hands together. "It's all right, I understand," he says, even though he does not. "Enough, hm? We are both fools." He shakes him lightly. "That's enough."

Loki's bruised hand spasms and he almost jerks it back into himself by instinct, but that Thor grasps him gently by the wrist and does not let him go. Wild-eyed, his brother stares at him, uncomprehending, first, and then recognition comes back into him. "Yes," Loki gasps. "I'm sorry. I." His fingers curl within Thor's rough palm, and warmth drifts through the pulses of Thor's blood to have his brother holding his hand again. "I am sorry." He drops his chin and looks away.

Thor shakes his head. "I have my own wrongs that I have done, and it has only been these recent years that I have had occasion to think back on them. You are right, you know," he says, smoothing his thumb over the back of his brother's knuckles for emphasis. "I have, in the past, regarded myself too highly, and I saw it as my natural right to trample over those who were less fortunate that I."

Loki huffs a little breath. "It is not difficult to do when you are the best." He wipes at his face with his sleeve and offers to Thor a smile, small and self-deprecating, but sincere -- a delicate branch, newly budded, tentatively extended but an offer of peace nonetheless.

Thor returns his smile. "No, I suppose it isn't, but I am sure that doesn't excuse it. Loki," he says, and it is as if he is finally undoing a weight that has always hung around his neck, "I am sorry."

His brother's expression remains deceptively pleasant. "For what? Be specific," he says again, a flat whisper, either soft or deadly but which refuses to reveal itself to be either.

Thor knows; he has known for a while now. His errors were ever small slights, little wrongs, but together they built a wall between them as high as the sky. But now, his brother knocks on the other side, and his humility is a small price to pay to see it torn down. He is ready to be done with it now, here, at the end of the world. "For what I said, just now" he says. "For speaking over you, in years past. For behaving as if you owed me your obedience," he says. "For taking it for granted that you were my brother and," he sighs expansively.

"For never seeing you for yourself, I suppose," he muses. He puts his hand to his brother's shoulder and stands back enough to look Loki in the eye. "You are your own man. Your path is your own to take, and though we may walk together, we do not belong to the same fate."

"You do not belong to me," he says, watching Loki watch him and knowing that, this time, he has been heard. "You are my brother, but you don't belong to me."

Thor holds his gaze with all the plain equanimity he can summon and releases his brother's hand. He waits for him to draw it back, but Loki only closes his eyes, for one slow moment. When he opens them, they are the color of sunlight passing through a calm ocean and for once, no drowned secrets lie beneath. "You have grown wise," his brother muses. He laughs, and it is a bell-clear sound, beautiful and weightless. He bows his head regally. "Worthy Thor, I am honoured."

Thor laughs, his throat thick with relief as Loki steps into him once more. He leans his cheek against Thor's shoulder and allows him to take his weight. Thor settles his arm around the back of Loki's body, and holds himself so still that he almost stops breathing. "Do you still hate me then?"

Loki settles into this new posture, his hand still resting lightly in Thor's palm. "I could never hate you," he says easily, as if this were ever plainly evident to anyone who has wished to learn it. "I was angry with you, but I never hated you."

Thor lifts his eyebrows and laughs aloud, surprised. "You have turned over a new leaf. That's more honesty than I've heard from you in aeons, brother."

Loki shrugs. "There's no harm in it now," he says. He turns Thor's hand over and idly traces his fingertip along the tendon between each knuckle. Thor's heart clenches. It was only ever his brother who would touch him like this and Thor cannot remember the last time Loki had touched him. "There are none now amongst the living who would laugh at me." A pause. "I am sorry about your friends."

Thor hums gravely. "So am I." He drops his chin gingerly atop his brother's dark hair and breathes deep of the scent of him. It is familiar and as warming as drink. He sways them together, lightly. "But they each died a warriors' deaths, and when the turning of the world comes and death comes for all of us, I shall see them again in Valhalla and be happy for it."

"Then let us drink to that." Loki ducks beneath his arm and goes to retrieve the bottle. Thor feels the loss but he follows him gladly, still holding his hand. Loki holds the liquor aloft. "To the turning of the world. To Valhalla," he announces. He drinks and, so close, Thor can see his throat working as he swallows.

When his brother presses the bottle into his hand, Thor looks at him. He says wryly, before he drinks, "Loki, we are not going to die for a very long time yet."

Loki snorts. "That is optimistic." He draws Thor back down onto the widow ledge, and Thor goes with him. Thor decides he can accept the substitute when Loki sits close and pushes them together, shoulder to hip.

"You don't believe that," Thor needles him, knocking him with his elbow. "You haven't changed so much that you would maroon yourself on a doomed ship, if you truly thought it hopeless."

Loki re-balances himself and rolls his eyes. "Well I still might leave if it suits me. You said it yourself." He flaps a hand blithely, but the cut of his words is prickly, "I am my own man, after all."

Thor's lips tighten over his teeth. "Will you?" Something hard and challenging flattens his voice, some sudden thunder, like the sort that breaks upon a fine spring day. "Are you going?"

Loki looks at him levelly but then he sighs. "No," he says peevishly, ducking away, "but I don't see why you can't just play along with it."

Thor moves the bottle away when Loki reaches for it. Loki frowns at him, annoyed, but Thor holds his gaze, unblinking, until Loki flushes beneath his pallor and looks away again. Thor doesn't let him. He catches his brother's face with his palm and turns him, his thumb holding firm upon the hard angle of Loki's jaw. Loki lets himself be turned. His face is hot. "I'm finished with playing that game with you, brother," Thor says, all humour gone. It is as if he is doomed to have this same conversation forever. He thinks back to all the times before that he has begged for his brother's constancy, and, like a mirror reflected back on itself, it is as if he looks endlessly into one image. "I will not grieve you a third time," he says. "Stay or don't, only choose one and do it."

Loki blinks rapidly. "Do you want me to stay?" He sounds choked and breathless.

Thor releases him. "Of course I want you to stay, I always want you to stay." Exasperated, his hand drifts up toward his crown to sweep in past his hair, only to remember, once it is there, that he has no hair to push back from his face. He has forgotten where and when he is. "If it were up to me, you would have never left me in the first place, but I am not your tyrant."

"No," Loki says softly, his hands twisting together in his lap. "No, you are only my brother."

Thor shakes his head and drains the rest of the drink in one swallow. "You know, historically, every time we try to talk about this, you cause a great big fuss, we fight, I beat you, and then you leave anyway." He scrapes irritably at his beard. "So do forgive me if I tire of retreading this path again."

"That was before," his brother says. He pulls his knee back to his chest and leans against it, away from Thor. His hair spills like ink over his shoulder and he looks at once exhausted and boyish, self-conscious and ancient. "And I will not apologise for it."

Thor rounds on him. "Who's asking you to?" he snaps. Loki does not respond. Thor scoffs. "So, what? Is that it? One last drink for old times’ sake?"

"That's not it."

"Then what is it, Loki?"

"Here," Loki says, producing a new bottle, amber in colour and heavier than the last. "Drink."

Thor takes it. He rips up the cork and drains the bottle with spiteful obedience. It burns. "If you're trying to get me drunk so it hurts less in the morning, it's not going to work."

"Did it hurt before?"

"Of course it bloody hurt, you blistering idiot," Thor spits. He feels fragile, cracking along his edges. "I thought you dead, twice. I drank Asgard dry the first time and I simply left after the second."

"I know." Loki slips his hand back into Thor's. It is as much comfort as it is concession, but Thor takes it anyway, pressing tight.

"I know you know." They were the worst times of his life, his world collapsed in upon him with him still trapped inside. He can hardly remember them at all, only in bursts, only in non-specifics, but of course, Loki had not intervened -- indifferent, always, as if Thor and the way his world was ending were specimen in a jar. Thor scrubs his face and holds his palm there over his aching eyes. "Thrice damned, since when are you so solicitous after my feelings." He would pull himself away from his brother's touch, if only he were not a coward.

Loki leans into him, puts his head again on Thor's shoulder. His touch and voice are faint. "I always care about your feelings, brother. Sometimes I wish I didn't, but I --" He trails off, stops.

Thor waits a beat, and then a scowl forms heavily over his brow. "Is this some new habit of yours, starting sentences and then... " He gestures. When Loki does not look away this time, he urges impatiently, "Well? You what?"

"I cannot seem to disregard your dislike for me."

Thor rolls his eyes. "I've always admired you, Loki, you know that."

"Do I?"

Thor throws up his hands and leans back against the windowglass. "Cleverest man in Asgard!" he exclaims. "Cleverer than our father -- my father," he corrects irritably, "yes, all right." He looks at his brother, whose cautious eyes regard him as a that of cornered beast's regarding the hunter. Thor looks at him directly, unyielding. "You're strong Loki, and you're brilliant, and you might have been wiser than Odin one day. We all thought it; mother said so all the time. She always said that if I were ever to rule, that there was no better man than you to have at my side, and I thought it to. You have the head for rule, and the heart--"

Loki shakes his head violently, compulsively. "Not the heart, no. I've never--" He is vibrating, his eyes screwed shut, and he does not seem able anymore to choose his own words. "You, you, you're beautiful, you're perfect--"

"Brother."

"No, you see, I could never see past it, I tried." The set of Loki's face wavers, his pale eyes trapped between two incompatible realities, both truths. He looks angry and hopeful, terrified and desperately sad -- snared between belief and doubt. Thor knows that feeling. It is the same feeling caught within his own breast. "I couldn't envy you for it, so I tried to hate you, but I couldn't. Even when we were apart, even when I thought you lost from me for good, down in that cell." He covers his face with his palms as if to stopper his own voice, but all he says next it is only muffled instead, "And I could never be happy. All I could ever do was want for things that I couldn't name and couldn't get."

Thor sighs. "I know. Brother, I know." He remembers the devastation that had wrecked him when he thought Loki dead, the way his insides had grown to ice and splintered as Loki had gone cold between his arms. He remembers how Jane's little, lukewarm hands had brought him up from his knees and he had looked at her as a stranger, comprehending at last that he was in a world of strangers now. His brother was dead and he would never know happiness again.

Loki's eyes search his. Thor doesn't know if he can put to speech what it is his brother is looking for, but he prays that he will find it. He chafes Loki's hand in both of his and, lost for words, presses his lips to the back of his own palm. Loki's breath shivers. He whispers, "It is not fair when I've never had room in my heart for anything but you."

When Loki kisses him, it does not feel like a surprise.

Thor responds swiftly, sweeping Loki into his lap and holding him there as Loki's vicious mouth yields beneath his. His hands seek skin, and it is given to him freely, gladly; Loki bends to meet him and his clothes part beneath Thor's hands like butter. Loki tastes of quicksilver and of the sun through new leaves, of midwinter firelight and the air after a storm. Thor remembers, now, every touch that has brought them to this, every brotherly assurance, every passing glance, every bruise -- and behind it, always, this bare and incomprehensible yearning.

Loki moans, intimate and open, and the unnameable becomes named, the shame given absolution. The whole of his life snaps suddenly into complete and perfect focus. This has been his monster all along, this clawing want, this unspeakable hunger so constant that it burned at the bottom of his every breath. Unaddressed, unacknowledged its whole long life, it had deformed him.

As Loki's mouth smears over his cheek, as his light fingers find the seams of their crude, hewn bodies and rend, it feels like standing up after a lifetime spent in a bend; it feels like the first full breath after only ever having sipped on air. Thor knows freedom for the first time he can remember, and the gnawing teeth behind all of his fear and worry and strangling precautions draw back into their ugly heads. The great inviolable question of his soul finds its answer at last: it was Loki. It was only ever Loki.

When he seizes the back of Loki's head and returns him to his mouth, his brother sighs. Thor can feel something stubborn inside of himself give way beneath the hot silk of Loki's skin and the cold marble underneath, and then, all at once Thor can feel Loki pouring through him, subtle as smoke, sharp as electricity, and when Thor pushes back, Loki opens his soul to him in welcome.

It is elemental, organic, as the way fire consumes or how the heavens turn. It is like every colour bound together into one, like sunlight. Thor can see himself through Loki's eyes, the familiar geography of his features mapped and given beautiful names: the cheekbone by which Loki has measured all other faces; the precise warmth and weight of his hands between which Loki finds his solace and his comfort; his stubborn mouth which Loki has learned for its every curve, its every salacious expression.

Thor smashes open the long-kept reservoir of his own stolen inspections, his persistent fascinations, and a flood rises within him of Loki's every aspect which he has held in covetous admiration: the fine and twining musculature of his neck and arms; the sharp, watchful intelligence behind his eyes; the deft, sinuous migration of his fingers as he weaves his spells.

Loki holds Thor within himself and Thor knows, all at once, a love so personal as a love of self, glorious as a love of empire, so desperate as a love of air or water or sustenance. Loki lives within all of him and Thor knows now that he lives within Loki as well. They have been half of each other's lives, the whole of the other's hearts, and now with the crude boundaries of their bodies and minds dissolved, Thor knows who he is. He is Loki's. Loki is his. This is truth.

Loki gasps through his open mouth, sparks igniting in his vision through Thor's eyes. Thor matches him and the both of them tremble beneath the glittering weight that has settled, diaphanous and encompassing over their shoulders. Loki buckles and Thor hides his face into his pulse.

When he catches Loki into his arms, it feels like coming home

Thor comes into himself again in pieces. When he opens his eyes, it is difficult to remember how to see again through just his own one eye, how to feel with just his skin. Loki clings to him, draped over his lap, his clothes in ruin, his limbs shivering and soft. They breathe together, as one lung, and Thor cannot stop himself from seeking the white skin of Loki's neck. His brother moves against him and captures his mouth with his own gasping mouth. His hands spread over Thor's shining arms, caressing, while Thor threads his fingers into Loki's dark, soft hair.

When Loki breaks them apart, it is so gentle that it feels like a promise rather than punishment. Thor moans. "Again." The music is his voice is lost beneath the crush of his desire.

But Loki holds him fast, his panting mouth mere breathes away, only when Thor moves, Loki does not rise to meet him. He shakes his head. "I only wanted to see," he says, as if through a dream. He touches Thor's cheek. His eyes are still shut, and he moves so slowly and clumsily that Thor steals another kiss from him before he can do anything about it.

Thor chuckles. He draws Loki's thumb into his mouth and works the knuckle with his teeth and tongue. Beneath the flickering, golden light, his brother's eyes are nearly black when they open and Thor can hear his naked want calling to his own. Thor grins. "What can I show you, brother?" He shifts a subtle measure and, for a moment, Loki's weight comes off his knees and seats fully into his lap.

Loki's breath catches. He draws his finger from between Thor's teeth and wets his curving lip. He presses his brow to Thor's, shuddering. His voice crackles as he whispers, "How it might feel to be whole."

"What do you mean?" Thor hums. His eye drifts open and then shut, and every time he closes it, he can feel the afterimages of Loki's every thought. He reaches out, touches a stray, cold curl of his brother’s building anxiety, and feels it disintegrate into light. Thor tugs on Loki's hands, kisses the hinge of his jaw and a hard coiling knot of it begin to dissolve. Loki protests faintly but he begins to struggle. Thor clamps an arm around his waist. "No, there, sit there a while," Thor insists, putting his bearded cheek against his brother's beating chest and feeling it scratch though Loki's skin. Loki grasps at his forearm. "Stay," Thor says petulantly. "You said you would stay."

"This is absurd," Loki complains. He shifts on his knees, poorly balanced on the narrow seat. "I am too tall for this."

"I don't care." He touches the back of Loki's hand on his arm and Loki lifts it readily. Thor lines their fingertips together and Loki slips his in between. He wants to put Loki onto his back and learn the taste of his heartbeat through his skin. He wants to touch his hidden thoughts and secret melancholies and learn their every shape and texture. He wants to spread his brother out into pieces, evenly, meticulously, until he is naught but motes of shimmering dust and Thor is the same.

"I do not think I could bear it if you tried for decorum right now." Thor lifts his head, smiling, his throat fully bared, and Loki touches it in wonderment, his protests forgotten.

"I would know..." Thor hears his brother murmur, so low that Thor thinks he might have imagined it. But then Loki smiles. "Take me to bed then." He kisses Thor softly. "I am cold."

Thor lifts him easily, and Loki lets him -- he lets him, god, the things Thor can do now that Loki will let him, now that he is permitted. He sets Loki atop the bedclothes and Loki watches him with unadorned hunger as Thor steps back and works deftly at the clasps and buckles of his chestplate.

"Come," he calls quietly when Thor is sufficiently bare, and he receives Thor into his bed as if he has been doing it all his life. Ensconced within the bedsheets, Loki arranges them so that they are half on top of one another. Thor kisses him again and Loki makes small, infuriating, amenable sounds as his hands drift aimlessly over Thor's skin.

But Thor wants more. He would bring Loki to the very brink of his own body, damp-skinned and pleading for Thor's mercy.

Loki groans and shivers as Thor manoeuvres him beneath his body. He would bend as Thor would bend him; he would unfurl however Thor would unfurl him. Thor knows this. He tastes his brother's anticipation and acquiescence like spilt wine. Already his elegant hands manacle themselves to the crossbars of his headboard at Thor's behest, his flanks and front spread and stretched deliciously for Thor's tasting mouth.

Thor cups his palm beneath the bend of Loki's knee, and lifts it smoothly back. The colours of Loki's mind ignite and darken. "I would know thee by thy body," he says, but it is Loki's oaths that come out. Loki groans. Thor blinks, returns, and slowly grins.

"And I would my body give to thee," Thor finishes. He waits a moment as the disbelief twists his brother's face and then resolves. Loki looks at him, new marvel in his eyes. He surges suddenly and kisses Thor, and then Thor is awash in his brother's soaring relief, his bottomless joy. His mind comes away lurid with the places of his body that Loki has imagined Thor's hands, his mouth. Loki shuts his eyes as Thor lays him back. He covers his face with his wrists. "Yes," he breathes. "To thee."

The great yawning pit of his want joins Thor's in the bottom of his stomach, as Thor fits them together and then fits himself inside.

Loki moves with him, pulled by the same tide, moved by the same moon. The geography of Loki's soul opens for him and Thor arrives upon it softly. Loki fills him, envelopes him, and Thor touches through his every thought and sensation as it passes through his grasp. It will never be enough, Thor despairs, though he is not certain if it is his thought or Loki's when it emerges. This was what Loki had meant; this was the danger all along. They've been given a single mouthful of kindness and now must know what it is to live without. They could each live ten thousand years and spend every minute of it in each other's arms, and it would not be enough.

But Loki shakes his head and opens his dark eyes. "It can be," he says, almost voiceless. "It has to be." He pulls his heels into the small of Thor's back and brings him closer. "I could not bear it otherwise." He winds his fingers into the damp buzz of Thor's hair and pulls him down to him. "Kiss me and let us dwell no more on it," he says, and Thor does as he is told, grateful, overcome, knowing the end but willing for forever.

Power builds within his body, ready and aching. Outside the window, a swirl of cosmic dust churns, violet explosions flashing through violet clouds. He glows beneath his skin, but Loki opens his mouth to him and catches his kiss as if he were tasting rain. He shudders as he comes, as Thor follows him, as Thor's blue lightning fills him, holds him gently, wreathes them both.

Loki allows him fold them together again afterwards, allows Thor to arrange them so that they can see each other as they lay together breathing. Thor's pulse is quiet within him even as his heart hums with one harmonious note. The great storm of his life, the one he had never even known he was weathering, has ended. Thor is clean, new, and the long, long past recedes easily beneath the placid waves. He looks into his brother's smooth, flushed face and he sees his future.

Thor puts his lips to his brother's brow and smiles against his skin. "I adore you," Loki says in a small voice. His fingers tighten at Thor's waist and Thor lifts his chin so that Loki may tuck himself beneath it.

Thor laughs drowsily. "I know that," he says. "You don't know how glad it makes me." Loki's dark hair has fallen from its part and it drags in cool coils across Thor's arm. Thor puts his hand through it, sweeping it back and his brother looks up at him, his eyes sober.

"I do," Loki says. His mind, always working, momentarily quietened, moils once more. Thor frowns. "It is beyond reason, brother. It is more than anything; it is more than life." Placating, Thor touches his cheek and Loki turns into him immediately. He kisses Thor's palm. "You could skin me like a lamb and my last thought would be how I love you," he says fiercely.

Thor turns his face. "I would not," he says, horrified. "I would never." Loki's brows gain a troubled furrow but he looks away, assenting. Thor strokes the furl with his thumb until Loki relinquishes it. He takes Thor's hand and kisses it once more, then lets it slide back into his hair. Thor strokes him and says more softly, "And what does it matter if it is beyond reason, if I am the same?"

"No, but can't you see?" Loki drops his head into Thor's shoulder again. "This --" he gestures miserably. "This is unnatural."

"How do you mean?" Thor lets him hide. If it makes it easier for him, Thor will hide him from himself. "So we are lovers now," he says and feels Loki's breath hitch. "So what? We share no blood, and even if we did, who would challenge it?" He strokes the line of his back until Loki breathes again, however raggedly. "We are kings of Asgard, brother, what authority reigns higher?" A laugh escapes him on a wet, choked breath and Thor rocks him, lightly, forming himself around the warm, solid, precise weight of him.

"Don't cry," he says. "Don't make yourself miserable. We've found each other now. I love you, and I have wanted you all my life." He kisses his brother's damp cheek. "I was blind not to see it before but I do see it now."

Loki pulls back and looks at him. His smile is wistful and pained. "You may say to me every beautiful word that I have ever wished to hear, and it would still be true." He unwinds himself from Thor's limbs and rises up to his elbows. Thor touches his arm, deploring the loss, as Loki wipes at his face with the backs of his wrists. "It is not the quality of love but the quantity of it," he says bitterly. He pulls at Thor's grip. "Let go," he says, quieter. "When you touch me, I can feel you inside my head."

"Yes," Thor accedes cautiously, but he does it anyway because his brother asks, "and you're inside mine." Loki sits up from the bed in one determined movement and slides off the side. Thor sits up as well, alarmed. "What's the matter?"

His brother is at his closet, and Thor watches as, one at a time, pieces dissolve from their hangers and resolve themselves on Loki's skin.

"Loki." Thor crosses the room to where Loki is standing and catches him by the elbow. A wall of dread goes up in his brother's mind, but Thor pushes past it, back into the centre of him. Loki turns to him, expressions of fear and fury, gratefulness and regret warring in the tiny movements of his brow and lips. Thor kisses him, and as before, Loki returns it without hesitation. Thor steeps into it every measure of affection he can muster, every tender feeling and assurance. His brother falters, but he steps into him. His hands waver as he slips them around the back of Thor's neck.

"Tell me what is the matter," Thor says again as he pulls his brother back into his arms.

Loki shakes his head. "You don't understand, I never." His hands fist against Thor's shoulders as Thor absently tucks a strand of his dark hair back behind his ear, and he nearly sobs. Loki takes a breath. "You know nothing; you deserve to know," he bites out. "This is not you or me. We are cursed. Odin cursed us."

Thor flinches at the sound of his father's name before he can stop himself. "What?" he demands. "How?"

His brother laughs wetly. "You know, I hoped you'd be drunker for this. You're always so much more tractable when you're drunk. You don't ask nearly so many questions." He jerks, but Thor's arms have been turned to stone. "Unhand me," he says unhappily.

"No." He can feel his brother's self-recrimination and doubt, his panic like an acid bubbling beneath the an indelible anger. He can feel his need for flight. It hits him like a fist and brings up to the surface all of Thor's own dread, his own terror.

Loki struggles again, but Thor is unmovable. "At least let me finish dressing," he scolds.

"No," Thor intones. "Explain it or don't, it matters very little to me." He looks at his brother, his eyes hard. "What do I care for curses, Odin's or no? Sod him, he was an old man with an old man's schemes. What did he know? My god, Loki, Loki." He holds his brother to him as if that were all that would make the difference, and cups his hand to Loki's face with all the murderous adoration of a cheated supplicant. "If you leave me again after this, I will never forgive you, I swear it."

Loki shakes his head. "It was he who made us like this!" he cries. One more time, he shoves at Thor, and this time Thor lets him go. Loki rounds the room, his hands flying, frantic as loosed birds. "That's why he took me," he says. His eyes are wide, landing on nothing and everything. At last he sits himself again on the edge of the bed. "I was never meant to be your brother." His head sinks into his hands, muffles his voice. "But only that I turned out," he gestures, "as I am."

Ice runs down through Thor's veins. "What do you mean?"

Loki looks up at him from above his fingertips. "Did he never tell you how he lost his eye?"

"Yes," Thor replies, crossing his arms, "he told all of us; it was never a secret. He traded it to the Norns for the wisdom to rule his kingdom."

"Yes," Loki agrees, "to rule, to ensure his line evermore." He breathes deep and sits back, casting his eyes to the ceiling. "Without slander, what do you know about the Jotnar?"

Thor sighs. He is reminded of when they were young, when his brother would try to teach him philosophy by irritating him with questions until he found the answers. "They are giants," he answers dutifully. "They are fierce warriors, they are... Blue?" Loki looks at him expectantly. Thor shrugs belligerently. "I do not know what you wish me to say."

"How do they fight?"

"With their ice magic--"

"Yes." Loki holds up one long finger. "Magic."

Thor rolls his eyes. He remembers this too, when Loki used to lead him to answers and make him feel like an idiot for not grasping their significance. "I do not understand," he concedes.

But Loki keeps going. "Your grandmother, your father's mother, who was she?"

Thor frowns. "I never met her, but she was a great lady of--"

"She was a Jotun," Loki pronounces. He stands back up again and begins pacing the room, his hands clasped behind his back as if in recital. "She betrayed her race and coupled with an Aesir, your grandfather, who made her a new body, a white body," Loki gestures to himself, to the pale skin of his torso that Thor had marked in worship. “She, in turn, gave her magic to her many sons, of which your father slew one by one until Asgard was his alone. That is the custom, is it not?"

Thor shakes his head, his mouth dry. He feels like he's falling, like his earth is moving beneath him, and like Loki is the only still point he can conceive, but that he won't hold still. "But I was never asked to slay you."

Loki makes a dismissive gesture. "We'll get there," he says, distractedly, "but for now consider this: your father's line runs thin. He has slain his brothers for his father's kingdom and his mother's magic but neither will have him -- he is not the most worthy, only the most brutal."

Thor feels an old instinct of obligation stir within him to defend the Allfather's name, but what does he know? What has he ever known except for what his father had taught him? He had doubted, of course, but it was ever unspoken, all spoken words too close, somehow, too loud.

Loki continues without mercy, "Odin paid the Norns, and they gave him wisdom." He spits the word. "And when it was time for him to get his get, he married a Vanir witch, your mother."

"Our mother," Thor snaps.

Loki startles, but then he sees Thor's face. "Yes," he concedes, "all right," but he goes to Thor then and slides himself back into the empty spot left next to him. He kisses Thor briefly, just left of his mouth, and then takes his hands and leads him back to the bed. Thor lets Loki sit him down and then himself over his lap. He loops his hands around him at once and lets his brother feed him the warmth and calm of his body.

Loki continues more softly, "Mother gives him Hela, you see, and he crafts her into a killer. But once the killing is done, she outlives her usefulness to him. And so now he needs another child. Someone who will rule after him."

"Me."

"Yes," Loki says, and he lays his long hand against Thor's face. "You, my brother." He says it with a sudden tenderness, as if he were sorry.

Thor swallows his agony so that Loki might see nothing but stone in his face. "Tell me the rest then."

Loki leans his head against his anyway. "Vanir magic is learned, so cannot be given, and it is not true seith," he says. "And Odin will not give up what he killed so many to take. So you are to have no magic of your own, no magic to give to your heirs, no magic for the whole of Odin's line because he cannot let go of anything." He nods in resignation. "So he goes to the source."

"Jotunheim," Thor finishes for him. How the old rage he had felt towards Odin those years back pales now in the light of this clarion fury. He who had cast them as worthy and unworthy, as noble and ignoble, who cast himself as justice and judge -- he who was himself a murderer and a thief. Thor had faced his father's many faults, counted and mourned them and had privately abjured him as a king but loved him still as a father. How can he love him now? "He takes you."

"Yes." Loki sighs, and Thor would keep him here forever if he could, as though he could be shielded from the rest of the world's misery by Thor's body. "I was Laufey's only child, you see. I had the purest blood to share."

"And then?"

Loki begins a gesture with one hand but then lets it drop. "Then he binds us," he says tiredly. "It's a simple enough ritual. Even Odin Death-Bringer could do it. I did--" he says. He swallows. He closes his eyes and leans into Thor. They hold each other up. "I suspected something of the sort," he confesses. "Years ago now, I went to speak to the Norns. They laughed when I asked them to answer my questions. They're greedy, you know. They answer to no one without a price."

Thor's hands tighten along his brother's hip. His pulse is already in his mouth, but the horror comes anyway. "What did you give them?"

Loki waves him off impatiently. "Nothing of importance, nothing you'd miss."

"Tell me anyway," Thor demands.

"I have seen my death."

Terror runs the very heart of him through. "Brother," he rasps.

Loki shrugs evasively. "I don't know when," he supplies, as if that were an assurance.

"Tell me how it happens at least."

"So that you might defy the Norns?" Loki looks at him, and Thor stares back, conceding nothing, stubborn even as he knows the immutability of the fates.

"It is nothing," Loki says at last. "It's innocence, and what good have I ever had for innocence? But they showed me what I wanted, and I found it where they said I would." He holds his hand up and the light of his pocket dimension shines again.

Thor reaches out on numb instinct, alarmed. "Wait, hold on."

But what emerges is nothing he recognizes, only a piece of silver, the size and shape of an egg, striated like the rings of a tree or of a thumbprint. Thor reaches out for it, but Loki pulls it back. "Don't touch it," he says softly. "I don't know what would happen if we both touched it. Nothing good, I suspect. They'll want to go home."

"It's--" Thor begins, but some part of him already knows.

"It's our souls," his brother tells him. It glows, faintly with its own dim light that seems almost blue against Loki's skin. "I found them buried beneath the roots of Yggdrasil. They weren't doing anyone any good there, so I took them. I thought maybe I could work to separate them, but," he shrugs.

"Here," he says. "Hold out your hand." Thor does so, and Loki drops it into his hand from a height. Thor turns it over, examining. It is heavy, heavier than he expected, but the shape does not hold, smoothly amorphous in his palm. The striations, as they had appears, are not striations at all but folds of beaten metal.

"Why?" he asks. It had been warm to the touch at first, but quickly he feels his skin going numb as if of cold. He tosses it into his other hand. The vessel warms comfortably this time even as Thor flexes his fingers until the feeling returns.

Loki twists his hands together in his lap and shrugs. "Odin needed to bind me into his line somehow, and so he did it in the most obdurate manner possible." A color of deep shame crawls up his pale shoulders. "You were to be my collar and my chain and now you see now how gladly I would have worn them. How happy I would have been to let you unmake me. What a different life we might have had--" His voice pitches and cracks, Thor reaches to steady him, but he regains himself.

"But as it turned out, I could not take up the necessary utility to give you heirs, and so he was forced to made us up this farcical brotherhood. It wasn't his fault," he says sardonically, "how was he to know? What difference is a Jotun man to a Jotun woman to a Jotun dog to an Aesir. We are all monsters after all."

Thor is frozen within himself. The whole of his history, of Asgard's history, has been turned on its head, and he would say that his brother was lying; he wants to believe that his brother is lying, except that he feels Loki's misery and fear and repudiation. He feels Loki's sour heartbeat in his own chest.

"Loki," he says, but Loki is gone from him, and though he holds the weight and warmth of him, he might as well hold to him an armful of air. He has so many questions and no way to ask them, no words that he can put together that will not cut his brother deeper than the wound he has already opened himself. "I'm sorry," he says instead. "Truly I am. If I had known --"

"What?" Loki turns to him. Every line shows on his face, and his eyelids droop in exhaustion. "What could you have done? You were a child, same as me, and Odin's crimes, such as they are," he gestures dismissively, "he will never pay for them." He draws himself back and slides from Thor's lap.

Thor doesn't know where he stands again, doesn't know where to begin. Gone is the certainty they had only just discovered as Loki crosses the room again and finishes dressing himself by hand. Thor watches him. "It isn't fair," Thor says softly.

Loki scoffs. "I do not tell you this for your pity," he sneers.

Thor shakes his head. "It is not pity, brother." He looks at his brother and silently wills him to look back. "Only that I grieve for you."

Loki sighs. He glances at Thor from over his shoulder. "You're a soft-headed fool," he says more quietly, "but I thank you." He looks down at his gloveletted hands. He is silent for a long while. "I want you, but," he says finally, then stops, and he laughs bleakly. "My god, I wish that I could have come by you honestly." He picks at his own knuckle, twisting the edge of his nail around the white joint.

"I wish that I could have met you in your father's court, or on some matter of diplomacy. I wish I could have glanced you from across a battlefield and felt my breath be taken. Your great and noble heart could have been the greatest prize I ever won, and I could have--" A line of blood splits across his finger and he stops. "We could have had each other honestly."

Thor shakes his head as he watched his brother suck the blood out from his small wound. "You would have hated me," he says hollowly. "I would have been insufferable." Loki's face twists and he scoffs. Thor stands, but goes no further. "I am only am the man I am today because of my brother." Loki looks at him, his eyes red. "I am yours, Loki," he offers quietly, spreading his hands, "as surely as if you had made me.

Loki smiles. "My very own god of thunder." He is fond beneath his bitterness. He sniffs and wipes surreptitiously at his cheeks. "For all that is worth when he cannot be anyone else's."

Thor grimaces. His hands land back at his sides, "I told you," he says. "I don't care a fig for Odin's plans and I still don't. I know my own mind. I told you that I've wanted you forever, since the cradle. Not even you can make me give that up." He knows this now, what a blind man could have seen. When he was frightened, when he was uncertain, when he was in pain, it was never Odin he went to, or Frigga, once he was out of skirts. He went to his brother. He was valiant for his father; he was gentle for his mother, but it was his brother's scorn that taught him to be kind, and, in the end it was his brother's death that taught him what it meant to be king.

If Thor could bring himself to touch him, he could make him know all of this, but Thor has taken from his brother enough to last ten lifetimes. So he tells him instead, "I am yours because without you I would have never been myself. That is fate, as I understand it." Even from across the room, he sees Loki's pale features warring again against his own unkindnesses. Thor finishes as plainly as he can, "One way or another, my life would not have been my life if it did not lead me to you."

Loki takes a step toward him unthinkingly. "I know. I am the same," he says hoarsely, but then he laughs. With the air of telling a good joke, he says, "So you see then, brother, I do belong to you after all. I never had a choice. We never had a choice. But I --" he looks at Thor with an expression full of entreaty. "I have been a slave to his devices my entire life. I cannot even conceive what shape my life might have been without his hand in it, and even now that he is dead, still he has a hold over me."

"I know," Thor says. He reaches out his hand and Loki takes it almost gratefully. He puts his arms around Thor's shoulders and so that Thor is permitted to fold himself around him, to put his cheek into his hair and breathe as if he could stain his lungs with him and keep him next to his heart forever. Loki's mind floods back into his and Thor wills him to quiet where he will be quieted, tries to soothe him where he will not. He murmurs, "It's not right, beloved. It's not fair."

Loki huffs, "Beloved."

"Aye, if that is not too forward."

His brother pauses. "It is proper," he concedes, but Thor feels a floret of pleasure bloom across his heart.

Thor laughs quietly. "Then, beloved, go. You owe me nothing, and I do not bind you. It was shameful of me to have tried." Loki pulls away and looks at him, confused, but Thor only kisses the angle of his temple and says, "I cannot right the wrongs that have been done, but I will do no more."

He steps back away from Loki and takes his hand in one of his. From the other, he produces the silver vessel. Its light pulses gold and warm in his palm.

"My brother," he says solemnly, "your lot is my lot, your hurts are my hurts, and if your soul belongs to you alone no longer, then neither does mine."

Loki clenches Thor's hand and shakes it insistently. "Brother, you don't know what it is you're offering."

Thor gazes at him soberly. "You said it yourself, what good is it doing anyone buried beneath that tree. You said they wanted a home."

"Yes but," Loki shakes his head, "you will never get it back. They will go evenly between us and, Thor, someone with greater skill than I might still be able to undo this, but if we do this, that hope is lost."

"What is it that you want?"

Loki's eyes search his face wildly. "I--" he stammers. "It's you, isn't it?" He looks bewildered and awed. "You know that. It's always going to be you."

Thor offers up his hand again. "Take me with you, then," he says, "whatever you can carry. Whatever you can fit inside your pocket." Loki laughs. His eyes are wet again but perfectly clear. Thor leans their heads together. "I can imagine you walking the skies and slipping between the stars. I can imagine the world’s only you can discover -- green worlds brimming with life. Crystalline worlds that the suns never shine. And maybe one day," he says, hushed, "when you've walked your fill, you will return, and I will welcome you into my hall and then, if you would like to stay, you can stay."

His brother breathes out quick and Thor can feel the tendrils of his breath caressing his face. "You have beautiful dreams," he whispers. "I used to wish I could live inside your dreams."

"I have never heard of a Jotun wanderer. I should like to think that my brother could be the first."

Loki nods but he says, "Wouldn't I be lonely, though? Walking alone." A beat. "I have never heard of an Aesir wanderer either."

Thor hums. "No, I suppose the Aesir are a warrior people. There isn't much wandering to be had save the travel of fighting."

"Would you come with me, if I asked you to?" Loki lays his hand carefully over Thor's chest, over his heart. "Would you walk the stars with me together?"

"Ah," Thor says, even as he feels Loki spinning tales inside his mind, great adventures across the stars, grand discoveries, quiet moments when the two of them can be alone. He pushes them gently aside. "But Asgard must have her king, but more than that, her chief protector. I cannot leave her as she is, vulnerable and unguarded."

"Brother, please," Loki says, pulling back and looking Thor fiercely in the eye. "You have spent your entire life in service of Asgard. I know," he says hastily before Thor can interject, "that that is what a king is, but even now that you are king, will you not have one thing for yourself? One dream?" he asks, his smooth voice making it sound so reasonable. "One thing that can be unquestionably and only yours? You are more than what you can do for others. You are so much more than a strong back that carries. My love, please," he says as he presses his lips to the palm of Thor's hand. "You have never had a choice either."

"No," Thor accedes, touching his brother's stained cheek, "but I would see these people safe from harm"

"And if they were safe, and then?" Loki asks breathlessly. "When there are no more wars to be waged or conquests to be had? When you have done your duty to these people, what then?"

"Then." Thor frowns outwardly, but he knows. In his heart, he knows. Kingship is sacrifice; it is a duty greater than his duty to himself. These people have nothing and want for everything, except for a king. How could he take that from them as well?

But I don't see why you can't just play along, says his brother's voice, so Thor lets himself smile slowly. "Well, I don't know. Where would you want to go first?"

Loki's face breaks then, as a storm that ends, as a new day that dawns, his smile warmer and brighter than all the sunlit summers Thor has ever known. He leans into the line of Thor's body. One hand fits into Thor's as their bound souls take up, at last, their rightful thrones. Thor feels hot and the cold and then nothing new in particular. Perhaps that is what it feels like to be whole, or perhaps it is simply only something that Thor has already found.

Loki's other hand curls gently over Thor's thundering throat. He says, "Then I can be happy--"

A moment later, his world explodes.

[the-golden-ghost]

Top 10 avatar episodes? (ATLA or LOK)

I've never seen LOK so... A:TLA it is!

The Siege of the North: (technically this is a two-part episode but shh) anyway WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THE SIEGE OF THE NORTH?! Siege of the North is flawless. Amazing Showstopping Impeccable. The scene where ash starts raining from the sky, changing the tone of the scene from peace to tension? The glimpse of the rows upon rows of Fire Nation ships and the sinking dread it brings? The waterbenders in action? The part where Arnook is going “some of these faces will disappear from our tribe for good” and it flashes to Han, Yue, and Pakku, all of whom did indeed leave but for different reasons? The part where Zhao traps the Moon Spirit and the WHOLE WORLD goes red? And then gray after he kills it!??! And the only color left in the world is the glow from the fire and YUE’S EYES!? Koh? Iroh’s confirmation that Zuko is son in all but technicality? Yue’s sacrifice? There is just SO much good stuff in this episode and I’m not even listing all of it I’m just listing what I can remember. Peak season finale 10/10. Outstanding.

The Tales of Ba Sing Se: Okay it’s pretty obvious why I like this one and the answer is “because it owns, duh” but beyond that it’s just a nice episode. It’s not big, and intense, but there’s plenty of Big Intense Episodes. This one’s just everyone going about their lives and we get a lot of quiet reminders that while these are the Saviors of the World they’re also just people (and a lemur) with their own problems and desires and wants. It’s just kind of nice to have a slice of life episode that doesn’t... feel like just an odd shoehorned plot (like some of the season 1 filler episodes I could name...) but actually feels like it’s about the characters.

The Deserter: GOD this episode is so pretty. I’m talking about the lighting and art design. Seriously go watch one of the other earlier episodes of s1 and then watch this. The soft filtered lighting with a subtle gold/orange tint to it, hinting at the element we’re covering in this episode? Gorgeous. The foreshadowing is also glorious. Magnificent, even. When I rewatched the show a few months ago I was catching little subtleties that went over my head as a kid. It works beautifully as a self-contained piece and also in tandem with its sister episode, the Firebending Masters. It’s also got the ONLY Zhao vs Aang battle in the entire season. I could go on about it more but I won’t, it’s just a SOLID episode and I think it’s underrated.

The Southern Raiders: Okay I know everyone likes this episode for the part where Katara makes the rain stop and that’s also why I like it. That was one of the most memorable moments of the whole SERIES for me. Beyond that there’s the flashback to Kya’s death which... we’ve known about it. We’ve known about it for the whole series. It’s affected Katara and Sokka deeply and we see it through their actions, but we’ve never really known what happened. Here, we do. And we get to see it from three perspectives, three times over. And then there’s Aang’s and Katara’s conflicting ideas of justice and vengeance and whether violence is ever necessary or justified. It’s just... a good episode.

Sokka’s Master: The Only Sokka Episode (but really why did it take until season 3 to give him one!? He deserves better) Anyway Piandao is the best teacher character in the series bar none so there’s that. For another thing we actually get to see Sokka at his best and realize just how necessary he really is. He sort of gets written off (even IN the show) as pure comic relief or just the One Nonbender Who Hangs Out With All The Cool Guys but here we have a Justice For Sokka episode that goes ‘you know what? Nah’ and points out that he’s a strategic genius who carries the team from behind. AND that he can be a badass, too.

The Runaway: First of all the episode opening with the END of the events was kind of a fun gimmick. I mean it’s not hard to see where it’s going but it was different. Secondly it’s about time we got a Toph episode that isn’t just about her not getting along with her teammates or about being blind. For example, in this one she becomes a career criminal. It’s what she deserves. Also the stuff about them all missing their parents and driving home the fact that this is a group of lost children is surprisingly heartfelt. (I’m not describing it well but I love this episode)

The Blue Spirit: This episode gives us some of our first inklings of Zuko As Good Guy and boy does it deliver. The thing that gets me about this one is the tension of the situation. I remember being a kid and seeing Aang trapped and alone and being like “oh shit” because for the first time, he doesn’t have his friends. Except he had a ~friend all along~. Also the herbalist is an icon.

The Avatar and the Fire Lord: We Love a Flashback Episode and we especially love one that comes with the caveat that “friendships can last more than one lifetime”. We also love to be sappy. We also love to make fun of Roku for not realizing that he was in love with Sozin.

The King of Omashu: Bumi is The Character Of All Time and I think I appreciate him more than any other minor character on the show so jot that down. This episode is so goofy and so much fun but it feels organic and light because we’re still early and we haven’t hit the point yet where the goofy episodes are annoying and out of place (looking at YOU, Nightmares and Daydreams...) also when I was a kid I totally missed the idea that Bumi was testing Aang not to see if he was smart n’ talented but to actually find out if he’d learned any of the other 3 bending episodes. “Don’t you have any surprises for me?” And Bumi’s earthbending having airbending elements that are specific to his bending... because he’s one of the only earthbenders alive who knew and trained with airbenders... I die. I feel similarly to Jeong Jeong’s firebending taking after waterbenders because he’s envied them and giving him a unique style of his own... I LOVE when the show gives minor characters these little details that make them stand out okay I ADORE it

The Blind Bandit: Okay this one’s just a fun episode and the character designs slap. The Final Battle (tm) also slaps. Toph’s bending style? The dinner scene? The reference to Dwayne Johnson? It’s all good and the animation for Earth Rumble XI was off the charts.