#I COULDN'T CONCENTRATE ON ANYTHING

[zincbot]

idk why but my top surgery experience was supremely chill compared to literally everything i've read

[lynne-monstr]

okay but when are we going to talk about what's really important: Ruan Lanzhu's moles

how did LJS ever get through a scene without kissing them, I don't even know, they're magnetic

you are right, you are SO RIGHT about the FACE MOLE AGENDA. holy moly, the face moles. I need a moment, ling jiushi needs a moment, we all need a moment.

I mean, it isn't enough he has a cute cheek mole. who doesn't love a cute cheek mole. I am team cheek mole! no, he has to be a drama llama and have the sexy eye moles too. how is this allowed. (there has to be a better word than eye moles, I'm so sorry for that unsexy travesty of a phrase.)

anyway, new headcanon: the real reason ling jiushi was so oblivious about the hardcore zero-subtlety flirting was because he was head empty, only face moles for 38 whole viki length episodes.

[waitedforgarridebs]

David Arnold is now trying to assault me personally, it seems 😤

[sherlock-is-ace]

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[cactustreesmotel]

5th anniversary of my friend's death today

[the-casbah-way]

i suppose i owe it to myself to not die but also to stop talking myself out of things that might make me happier because i would be a much better person for everyone around me if i were able to navigate the world in the way i want to because insecurity and bitterness and constant suicidalness do just make you not as kind sometimes i think. i would like to be confident enough in myself to speak and be seen and therefore be as kind as i feel i am on the inside. i hold back so many things because i am scared of being perceived so maybe if i let myself do the things that will help me be ok with being perceived then i will put more good out into the world. i always get hung up on the fact that i so badly want to be good and kind and i care so so much about other people but as it stands currently most people would not really bother too much if i wasn't here anymore because i'm so cut off from everything emotionally and physically. someone send me c.300 quid so i can pay for therapy and you can stop being subjected to posts such as these, by the way.

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

I got a packet from the social security people I have to fill out and have sent back in--by mail--by the 26th. I got it on Friday. And I haven't looked at it til now, bc I was so stressed out about my dog being sick and i feel so overwhelmed. They want all my medical records from the last year, which I don't have, because I've only started keeping that stuff since I had my complete mental breakdown and she took me out of work. And there's so many pages and so much information they want. They have to nitpick my whole fucking life, before they can decide I deserve health. Being disabled in this country is a fucking nightmare. Instead of trying to hep, the just look for reasons to disqualify you. Because they don't want to help us; they just want us to go away

[arielluva]

actually so funny (it isn't) that everytime i struggle to do something and i tell my parents about it they just respond with "you just have to do it." like. guys. if i could "just do it" i would NOT be complaining about not being able to do it!!

[kirk-goes-to-gallifrey]

want to paint want to draw want to read want to write want to do fun art stuff

but so so so tired too tired to move

[july-19th-club]

new configeration of the office at work makes it so i won't have a computer at the book-putting-together desk which is fine but it does mean i have no excuse not to get back into listening to my podcasts while i process . only it's been years since i listened to podcast and i frankly don't even know where to start . last time i listened to any podcast for any length of time was the year i first had really bad insomnia and i would put on adventure zone (ethersea? i believe? the underwater one) on an incredibly low volume at like three am and lie there frustrated as i failed to find rest so that sort of soured me on the whole podcast experience . but suppose i start one up in the light of day with a nice new big desk in front of me and a sweet pile of books that need covers? like . why did i stop listening to that show really . or any of the other ones . i bet they're still good

[sarcasticdolphin]

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[undead-potatoes]

Brainfog fuck off challenge

[adore-gregor]

How being sick messes with your mental health is sometimes worse than the illness itself honestly 😕

[meeeeeeese]

Looking for answers

The pact commander, after a nasty excursion to a demon infested mine, decides to seek out help from an... alternate source. It doesn't go well

(spoilers for EoD, what lies beneath, and fractals of the mist I suppose below the cut)

length ~ 1k words

Rugan was in a bad mood, sitting in a brooding silence in a cabin outside the Gyala delve. It had only been a few days since they’d had to retreat and come up with a new plan to deal with the demon in the mines and since then Rugan had kept himself busy with menial tasks; clearing out kappa, dealing with berserk miners, repairing haywire mechs, anything to avoid having to reflect on the events of the prior days. However, the large charr had run out of tasks and now sat cleaning his admittedly impressive arsenal of weapons. His trusty rifle and pistols had been cleaned and stocked with ammunition, grenades checked to be in working order and now he was working on polishing some of his backup weapons, those that were kept more as mementos than any serious part of his arsenal. An old standard issue Iron Legion pistol, a rusty priory dagger still glowing with unstable enchantments, Caladbolg… the shattered blade still brimming with vestiges of its former power. Rugan’s eye lingered on it for a moment before painful memories made him move on to the next weapon. After Caladbolg was a sword of strange make, made of stone and crystal. Enshrouded with darkness but glowing with a ghastly purple light, a fractal sword imbued with abyssal might. It was from the fractals of the mists of course, Rugan held up the blade as he recalled the memory of its acquisition. It was a reward, for the completion of one fractal in particular, Sunqua Peak. 

Rugan had always thought that Sunqua Peak was an odd fractal. A woman sits alone on a mountain, her grief stirring up the elementals into a frenzy. When fractal explorers come to calm her, she flies into a rage and attacks, once subdued she sits down, and the fractal ends, with no resolution. Each loop it was the same, her grief getting stronger and more volatile the deeper you go. But in the very deepest reaches of the fractals something… changes. Something new and utterly alien reveals itself, showing the truth. The mountain keeper, named Ai, was not suffering naturally. She was being predated upon by a darkness feeding on her doubt, sorrow, fear and... guilt. And with truth revealed, the demon could be defeated, and the darkness banished. Rugan considered what he’d recalled, the entity in the depths changed something, did something to render the demon vulnerable.

“I wonder… could I learn how to do that...?” He said to himself. It was a long shot, but better than sitting around doing nothing. Gorrik had told Rugan to get some rest but, maybe there was something he could do to help the demon expulsion investigation. He packed his things and set out for Lions Arch   

---

Rugan felt an uncomfortable vibration run through his bones and horns as the teleporter activated, Dessa’s crackly voice came through his communicator

“Locking on to Sunqua Peak.”

“annnndddd-“

“Engaging teleportation matrix, good luck”

Everything flashed a bright blue and Rugan felt the sensation of falling for a brief moment. And then his claws touched down on the rain-soaked soil of Sunqua Peak. He took a long breath as he felt a familiar heaviness at the edge of his senses. “good” he thought, it was here.

He walked forward, looking around for another sign of its presence. His function gyro, a little arial drone hovering above his head blipped and directed his attention towards a mote of crimson fire burning away, undeterred by the torrential downpour. There it was, the tell-tale sign that the Harbinger of Woe was ready to reveal itself

Rugan stood in front of the fire, braced himself, and said “Harbinger, I want to talk”

The world shifted. A darkness came over the fractal and gravity bent, ever so slightly, sending pebbles skittering towards the fire. Cutting through the proto-reality, an imposing figure stepped out of the nothingness. It was tall even by charr standards with armour like the night sky, planetary cataclysms visible in its vast bulk. Its face was hidden by a vicious spiked helm.

He clenched his fist, claws digging into his furry palms as the Harbinger’s aura flared to life and a wave of dread swept through him. It felt like… the Gyala demon, but less directed. Testing, not predating. He fought the urge to run away, to tell Dessa to extract him from the fractal and whisk him away to safety. He gritted his fangs and murmured to himself “NO. I'm a soldier. I Don’t. Run.” As if he was half reminding himself, half convincing himself it was true.

As Rugan worked up the nerve to speak, the Harbinger spoke, its voice was deep and loud, like the first rumblings of a thunderstorm.

“Again, you return. Your capacity for pain is… truly limitless. Have you come to take my challenge again?”

“No! No, not this time. I… I have a question for you.” Rugan replied. The harbinger stood silently, so Rugan continued,

“back in Tyria I’ve got a demon problem, down at the bottom of a mine there’s a demon gorging on a ley-line, possessing anyone it comes across, we’re having trouble expunging it. But your able to, right? It was by your power that the demon was driven out of AI, allowed her a happy ending. So, I need to know; how can I do that?”

The harbinger remained silent for a moment. Its gaze invisible beneath its celestial armour, but Rugan could feel its eyes upon him, watching, considering.

“well, if you’ve got nothing to say” Rugan said, tired of the silence “then I’ll be leav-“ he was interrupted by the harbinger speaking at last.

“You’re asking the wrong question.”

“You assume that there exists some alternate hidden path to victory, that with some clever trick you can bypass the challenges ahead. But I have no such thing to offer you, the demon in that woman’s head was banished through supreme martial might alone. I merely… extended the loop”

“Your strength is… undeniable. You triumphed over my challenges after all, and through that strength you were able to save Ai. So, if you really want to defeat the demon in the depths, the question you should be thinking about is this; if you are strong enough to save others, WHY. ARE YOU NOT. STRONG ENOUGH. TO SAVE. YOURSELF?”

The harbinger’s last words echoed through stormy air of Sunqua peak. Rugan stood frozen, trying to find the words to respond

“I wonder if you’ll be able to puzzle it out. Until then, I’ll be watching.”

“w-wait, hold on-” Rugan managed to voice out as the harbinger of woe vanished in a blaze of celestial might, and then Rugan was alone on the mountain, his fur soaked by the pouring rain. He grabbed his communicator “Dessa, I’m done here, take me back.” Dessa’s voice came through “what, already? are you-“ “NOW” Rugan snapped back, and the familiar sound of the extraction teleporter starting up began to sound.

---

Rugan stepped out of the portal to the fractals, feeling the sun begin to warm his now thoroughly soaked fur. He was out of the Harbingers aura of dread but somehow, he still felt terrible. He began the walk out of Fort Mariner and towards the nearest bar. He had a lot he didn’t want to think about and, quite frankly, he really needed a distraction.

[mistfallengw2]

Temperatures are being a bit more clement these days, and I'm still reeling from a full-blown 3-days migraine episode I just got done with T_T At least it wasn't during the exp release and I still managed to do a bunch of neat things in game when the pain and grossness weren't peaking, but sucks that the universe really said "no art for you lmao"

[pearlony]

i decided to sleep later than usual to watch bls last night and i regret it now