#I COULD PLAY TIC TAC TOE ON THAT SHIT

[penguinzzz]

HUMAN BROPPY?!?!?

I DONT KNOW HOW TO DRAW CURLY HAIR IM SO SORRY.

Here's without that weird lighting

Also you can't tell me you don't picture branch having a long ass messy hair. This man has been isolated for 20 years. Ofcourse he'd have a long messy hair.

Also damn I think I've drawn poppy's head a little massive..

[hellsslibrary]

sub...Michael Kaiser...with male reader...please...I'm begging...

Just saw the latest chapter and him saying "please" made me simultaneously combust.

What if he says that word but on a completely different context, iykwim 👀👀👀👀

"In an ideal relationship, pure love and dirty sex complement each other, not exclude each other."

#a.n. : You can't imagine how much fun it was to write this, different sides of the dominant were fighting inside me, it was wild.

MASTERLIST is here.

!!Warnings: top!dom!male!reader, sub!bottom!Michael, brat taming, humiliation, light strangulation, dry orgasm, you dig Kaiser to the point of half death, reader breaks the bed and unironically fights Alexis for a place in the hotel with Michael by playing tic-tac-toe (mention, I thought it was funny), Kaiser is literally folded in half, one bite to his ankle and a slight mention of blood, three phrases in German (my half-German roots take over), riding.

It was obviously not a revelation to Kaiser why this had started. He had started to understand it the moment you almost fought Ness to share a hotel room with him. After all, you, as adults and completely mentally ill people, played tic-tac-toe and you beat Alexis. After all, he could survive a couple of nights not in a room with Michael, but you? Oh no, you had too big of a plan for him.

He had figured it out himself, as soon as he saw that you were actually focused on winning this stupid game and not playing for fun... But I guess he didn't understand what exactly was waiting for him. Although that's the best part.

"G-gott! Y/n, slow d-down! This is, oh shit, this is too mu-much!" came out unintelligibly from his lips, while he grabbed the sheets beneath him with all his might, his graceful fingers almost tearing apart the poor fabric that was holding on with all its might.

"Are you sure?" you clarify, knowing he won’t answer because he doesn’t want to, but he also doesn’t want to seem too needy.

And so he does. He stays silent, burying his face in the pillows and pushing his ass back a little more to somehow meet your ruthless thrusts that didn’t allow him to breathe properly.

You squeeze his hips, pressing lightly on his stomach under your fingers, causing him to whine loudly, even muffled by the cotton pillowcases. His toned ass jiggles slightly with each thrust, making you want to bite one of his cheeks right now, but oh, what a shame the human body can’t bend like that, huh?

Kaiser felt too good as you admired his ass and his bulging back without any other thought. He felt like his whole being was melting, turning into nothing more than obedient plasticine in your hands, which you could bend as you wish.

He bites his lip to hold back another moan. It seems like he can hear his heartbeat in every part of his body, no matter how unimportant or far from his head. It seems like his blood is so hot that he is about to melt... Not that it is not true, considering how sweaty you both have been for the last few dozen minutes.

"Aren't you going to answer me, handsome? Or do you want me to stop and leave you empty and thirsty, hm?" your whisper sends involuntary goosebumps down his body when he realizes that your chest is rubbing against his back and he makes some kind of sound similar to hiccups, turning his head to the side.

"Shut up."

The phrase made your hips freeze almost immediately, your eyebrow involuntarily crawling up at the fact that he had the strength to speak clearly, and also to act like a complete brat, when you were obviously lifting him to Heaven and back with your actions.

"Move, idiot. Why the hell did you stop?"

Your eye twitched and you took a deep breath, looking down at his frowning, flushed face. There were traces of moisture all over his face from tears and sweat mixed together, his lips were slightly swollen from holding back moans, but most importantly, his eyes. The shine in them. He knew what he was doing, or rather, what he was saying.

Before he could come to his senses, your lips spread into an almost animalistic smile and your cock completely slipped out of him. Kaiser was about to complain, but you abruptly flip him over onto his back, and then immediately, without warning, you penetrate inside.

His next moan was probably heard by everyone in the hotel, or at least on your floor. And all the following ones, too. He was no longer holding back, moaning at the top of his lungs. His hands were looking for something to grab onto and wanted to close around your shoulders, but you would not allow him such luxury, so you squeezed his palms above his head.

"What a pity. If you want to act like a little slut, then I will have to treat you like one," you lean right over his face, sliding out so that only your tip remains inside him, and then penetrate in the roughest way you can.

"Ohhh, ple-please... Ple-please, fuck, s-sir, I b-beg yo-you... P-please!"

He himself did not understand what he was begging for, while you just let out a chuckle from this. Michael could barely form any coherent words, he was just mumbling obvious nonsense now.

Your fingers squeezed the blond's leg at his knee, throwing one of his legs over your shoulder, practically folding him in half. He muttered something unintelligible, tears starting to flow from his closed eyes while his hands clenched into fists helplessly in your grip.

"What? You decided to fix yourself in a couple of seconds, handsome? That's not like you. My dick makes you drunk?" he would never admit that it did, but his head shook in agreement too convulsively.

You bite his ankle, digging into the white skin, causing him to cry out in pain, but he doesn't complain. He just stares excitedly at the small trickle of blood rolling down his leg. Your free hand, not holding his hand, falls on his neck.

And God, something clicks inside him. He cums, but nothing comes out, in that same second, although your hand did not have time to settle down and squeeze properly. You only look at the pathetic state of the German while he experiences a dry orgasm and how his cock twitches.

"What a pity... Although you are a smart boy. Even without realizing anything, you do not dare to cum for real without my permission..." Michael only moans in response, not being able to say anything anymore, especially now that you are blocking part of his air.

"Please, Y-y/n," he manages to mumble somehow, looking at you with empty, smoky eyes, hazed with a haze of lust, and you feel how he squeezes around your cock. Probably on purpose, but now you do not care.

"Please what, baby? You have to speak clearly," he frowns, looking away and staring at some tasteless painting on the wall, trying to pull some kind of speech out of his brain.

"Let me cum... Bitte, mein schatz," Kaiser whines, managing to somehow rise up, although it is clearly uncomfortable and even painful for him, given the position he is in, and kissing the corner of your lips, missing the main target. "Bitte lass mich abspritzen, lass mich auf deinen Schwanz abspritzen..."

You feel something break inside you. He looked beautiful and didn't even seem embarrassed as usual by his obvious vulnerability and the state of some kind of toy in your hands. In the end, he even found the strength to kiss you and didn't even wince at the fact that he literally bent in half for a couple of seconds. Well, how can you not spoil such a boy, right?

His head falls back, he sighs raggedly when you begin to pound him with the maximum speed and roughness you can muster right now. The bed beneath you creaks pitifully, as does Kaiser himself, not expecting such pressure.

"Dann komm, Hübscher," your words send him over the edge immediately, squeezing your cock as if in a vice.

He paints your and his stomach white, cumming surprisingly much. And he doesn't react at all when you continue your thrusts with a same force, only small sighs escaping from his lips.

But then he screams and something cracks under you. You manage to catch him and throw his leg aside carefully but quickly, and press him to your chest.

"You... Managed to break the bed? Wow, new even for you," Michael mutters, watching the mattress and sheets sag in the hole in the bed, chuckling hoarsely and weakly hugging your shoulders now that he has this opportunity.

"I'll ask to change the room and pay for the bed... I don't even want to imagine the face of the girl at the reception, but..." You look up at the blond, who is now sitting on your lap and thoughtfully narrow your gaze.

"Ride you? Good," he understands what is needed, feeling that you have not yet finished and managed to twitch inside him even at such a moment. "You can't be trusted with the pace anymore, you're too wild... Next time we're in hotels, I'll ride you."

"Fair and sweet, I'm more than willing," he starts moving his hips, moaning with every movement, still sensitive from his orgasm, trying not to go too fast so you both don't fall off the bed... Until the broken part of the bed falls to the floor, causing a huge noise, but hey, you're facing the ace of German youth football, who cares? Especially one so rarely vulnerable and caring like this.

[lovifie]

Well, I Wasn't On That Tunnel 🩷

Masterlist - Taglist Form

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 (6.5k words!)

LAST CHAPTER

Pairings: Ghoap x Reader.

(if you are in the mood for some Ghoap smut just go ahead)

Warnings: Poly, where do I begin? Oral sex (m and f receiving), anal sex, vaginal sex, meany Johnny, bottom Ghost, a squint of body worship to reader, threesome (duh), Ghost gets sandwiched for a bit, and Johnny doesn't shut up for a minute

It would be a reach to believe that everything was settled between the three. 

It has been “talked”, but there was still an awkward film over them; that whenever they would lock eyes felt like they were teenagers talking to their crushes. 

Gladly, for everyone, work was still work, and it kept them busy as always. 

The med bay keeping you away from them, on the completely opposite side of the base; taking care of whiny recruits and concealing your smile when they would tell you to tell their loved ones they love them after giving them local anaesthetic.

The days usually going uneventful and alone. Well, not alone. The medical team worked, ate and stayed together. But feeling lonely without the two men. 

On the south side of the base, everyone could tell that Simon and Johnny were a bit… snappy. 

It was almost as if everyone had made a deal to keep them from going to see you. 

Price telling them to organise the training session.

Recruits asking them to help with the training.

Laswell asking Johnny to prepare a lecture on explosives. 

Like? Why was the world making it so hard to slope off? Why was everyone expecting them to do their job they get paid for? 

Absolute nonsense.

Instead, they had to keep sending recruits that kept getting hurt to you. Seeing them whine as they walked, about how they were in pain. Lucky bastards.

So text messages it was. 

“Morning!🩷” Texts, voice notes as you worked on something else, GIFs and Stickers back and forth. 

Reminding Johnny how the newest smartphones worked was the funniest of the afternoon you had spent, especially when he turned on the front camera and he could only see from his eyes up. 

“Shite, that's a big ass forehead. Could land an heli there”

Cue to Simon and you playing tic-tac-toe on his forehead via pics back and forth.

It was far, really far, for a conventional relationship, even for a poly relationship. And although whenever Johnny would managed to send a pic of Simon it made you feel you were an outsider to them; you had to remind yourself that he had taken the photo just to send it to you.

Slowly but surely, your gallery was filling up with pics of their faces, an obscene amount of Johnny's forehead pic as well, and when finally, the inexhaustible flow of scratched soldiers finally started to subdue; you bolted to Simon's room. 

You don't even think of an excuse as to why you are going to see them, and you realize, half way there… that you don't need an excuse. And that simply wanting to see them is a reason good enough. 

It hasn't been easy after the conversations, your mind still telling you they were using you; it was not something you simply forget after a good night sleep. But you still pushed yourself to believe them, that there wasnt any hidden intentions, that they were telling the truth.

The messages, the little calls, the sassy winks from across the training grounds, it all help to ease the feeling of intruding you had been feeling since catching them. Slowly but surely travelling to the back of your mind, to the box of things to be forgotten. Except the box spilled suddenly when you open the door to his room, and find them sitting on his bed.

With Johnny sitting on top of Simon's lap, grinding down against his groyne while their moans and whispers fall on eachother mouths.

Their head whip in your direction at the sound of the door opening. You can see the panic in their eyes, thinking they have been caught; relaxing only when they realize it is you. 

“Shit, wow, sorry, I need to start knocking, ah?” You ask, with an awkward chuckle, you hand still on the knob. “S-sorry, I'll leave you to it.”

You barely move the door an inch before Johnny calls for you. “Bonnie, wait!’

“What?” You ask, still from the door, cheeks red from embarrassment.

“Do you… do you want to join?” Johnny asks, a shyness so improper of him. Looking at you, with a hand on Simon's shoulder and the other extended to you. 

You feel frozen in place. It was something that was going to happen, sooner or later. It shouldn't have caught so much surprise, but you only find your voice when Johnny stands up to walk towards you. “Do… Do you want me to join??” You ask, looking up at him with a timid voice.

“Yes, fuck, yeah we do.”  He answers, a deep chuckle flooding between words. He licks his lips, probably wet from Simon's mouth. His hand still waiting for yours, his eyes soft, awaiting your answer.

“Oh…” You answer, you know, like an idiot. “Okay.” You finally hold his hand and he pulls you closer, a tiny smile on his face. 

From the corner of your eyes you can see Simon move to lay down on the bed, his back pressed to the wall, laying on his side and patting the mattress next to him. Johnny nods with his head towards Simon, telling you to lay down without words and you do. Almost skipping to the bed, crawling to move next to Englishman.

“I like your uniform, lass.” Johnny comments, his wide hand caressing your ass over the clothes. 

You lay down, hugging Simon closely with your head in his chest, buried safely in his arms. And you turn your head to look at Johnny, faux offence in your look. “Respect the uniform, MacTavish.”

Simon's chest rumbles when he laughs deeply, his hand finding his way under your shirt to rub the skin of your back; just like when he found you in the house, pulling you even closer. 

“Darling…” Johnny says, laying himself next to you, sandwiching you between the two men. “I'm about to disrespect your uniform… a lot.”

He uses the lifted shirt from Simon's hand to get his own against your skin; caressing your tummy up to your chest, but still innocent when he only uses it as leverage to push you against him when he feels the need to kiss your cheek squishing your face against Simon's chest.

You giggle against Simon's chest, whining about being squished and slightly pushing Johnny back. He raises his head, being levelled with Simon and looking down at you; they then look up to each other before Simon leans in kissing Johnny. 

You are seeing it upside down, but still clear as day the desire in the kiss. Simon leaned in, eyes closed and you felt his hand on your back lift a finger to hook it on Johnny's sweatpants to pull him closer. Johnny has his eyes just the slightest bit open, barely enough to see the other and he smiles into the kiss.

“Eager, aren't ya?” Johnny whispers, making Simon groan. 

“Shut up, Johnny.” He mumbles back, the hand on your back moving to Johnny's back pulling him closer squashing you in the middle. “I finally have you both”.

When Simon pulls Johnny closer, you feel both of his bulging erections against your body; the make out session clearly intense. 

It makes you turn, switching to lay on your back, still looking up. Simon moves to kiss down Johnny's jaw, kissing his neck, licking up to his ear; Johnny catches you staring, head falling back and mouth open as you shamelessly look at the two men making out, and he winks at you.

You quickly look down, ashamed of getting caught, and you realise then what the weight on your thighs was. On each side of your body, and still trapped in the confines of their sweatpants, both men's growing boners rest over your thighs. 

You feel small between the two massive men, and your hands move on their own when you rest them over the tents on their pants. You press them against your body, making both men groan. You move your hand up, grabbing the waistband pulling it down with their underwear. The thick, uncut member resting freely over your body. 

It's not the first time that you have seen either of them, but it is still a sight to see them side by side. Bobbing at the lack of attention, a tear of precum glistering on Simon's tip. 

You hear Simon talk above you, making you look up to see Johnny looking at you. “Let her do her thing…” is what Simon whispers to Johnny, cupping his face to pull him in for a kiss again. 

Using your elbows to push your back off the mattress, you slide down the bed; your legs hanging from it when you get your head on the same level as their hips. You turn your head, setting your lips around the pinkish tip of Simon's shaft; hearing a grunt at the same time you feel a snap of his hips, not being able to prevent himself from moving. 

You use your hand to massage Johnny's too, feeling the warm feeling of his skin in your hand; while you use the tip of your tongue to lick on Simon's slit, tasting his precum as you hear him whimper into Johnny's mouth. 

With a loud pop, you let go of his shaft, only his head glistering with spit; and your turn your head to give the same treatment to Johnny. Except he lays his wide hand on the side of your head, making you lay your head back on the mattress. 

“Stick yer tongue out, love” You do as he says, keeping your mouth open and your tongue out, the muscle twitching trying to stay still. Johnny fists his length at the base, giving it a whip for it to slap at your tongue. 

The wet sound is nasty, the head of his member slapping your tongue. Johnny can feel your warm breath against his dick, feeling your saliva get stuck to him as well. Whenever he lifts it he sees the string of spit from your mouth pulling him back. 

He switches motions, starting to glide his hips back and forward against your mouth. Simon's doesn't take long to join, only adding to the mess. You have your eyes closed, blinding tasting both men's scent, the musky smell leaving you lightheaded as they thrust smoothly back and forth, against each other and your tongue. 

There is drool falling for the corner of your mouth, only making it more and more nasty. And the moans, grunts and whimpers coming from the men beside you has you sliding your hand down your body, towards where you feel your body crying for attention.

Except Simon, still in his pleasure driven mind, catches the movement, calling your mind. “Love, how are you going to have the two of us dying to touch you and still private us from it?” 

The sound of his voice has you opening your eyes again, looking up at them and you can feel them twitching at the sight of such a blasphemous look. Your eyes blown wide and pitch black from arousal, a mess of spit, precum and sweat all over the middle half of your face, their wet and painfully hard members resting now over your chest, rising up and down harshly and your hand under the waistband of your pants. “I don't know…”

“Do you want us to touch you?” Johnny asks, his hand petting your head again softly and you nod timidly. “Words, bonnie.”

“Yes, please…”

“Let's take that respectable uniform off then.” Johnny jokes, patting the bed to motion you to move back up between them. You push yourself up,nestling between their bodies once again, and as if they had practised it before, they undress you at the same time they kiss you. 

Simon is the first to have his lips on your, his hand cupping your jaw drawing circles with his thumbs. You hum into his mouth, feeling Johnny lick your neck, his tongue slipping between Simon's fingers as he starts to lift your shirt. 

He moves down, sitting on his knees and kissing your tummy. His warm tongue getting a taste of your skin with each kiss. He pushes the fabric up, letting it wrinkle over your chest, groaning at the look of your sports bra. 

Simon peels from you when he feels Johnny grumble about wanting to take them off. He takes the hem from Johnny's hand, pulling it over your head and Johnny doesn't waste the opportunity to do the same to your bra, leaving you bare from waist up. 

And like a chain reaction both of them make their way to your breasts; Simon's kisses travel from behind your ear down to the swell of your breast, kissing your ribs before finally sucking your nipple into his mouth moaning at the feeling. While Johnny kisses your stomach again, burying his face on the softness of it, as he swiftly goes north, dragging his tongue from the underside to the side of your boob, before mimicking Simon and kissing your nipple. 

Is also Johnny's hand the one that starts to run down your body, if it wasn't for the filthy sounds of kisses, licks and slurping filling in the room, you could hear the sound of the callous skin of Johnny's hand rubbing against the soft skin of your body. It is only when you feel his fingertips go under the waistband that you speak. 

“Wait!” 

And as if they had been electrocuted they both peel back, looking at your face. Except instead of explaining you stand up, jumping over Johnny to walk towards the door. 

Johnny is quick on his feet, panicking that you will run; not because you couldn't go out but because they were afraid of having pushed you too far. 

Still, he stops on his track when instead you lock the door. That was still unlocked. And turn to them, looking over your shoulder almost bashful. “You are not expecting anyone else, are you?”

Simon sighs relieved, sitting on the edge of the bed, that they had not overstepped. “Nah… got everyone we need in here.” 

He motions you to walk to him, wanting you to stand between his legs and you oblige; pulling Johnny's hand when you walk past him. 

You stand between Simon's legs, Johnny standing behind you hugging your middle. Simon kisses your stomach on the parts not covered by Johnny's hand and slowly lowers your pants. You kick off your shoes at the same time, standing completely naked between them. 

Simon leans forwards, pressing his nose against your mound and sliding his tongue between your folds making you shudder. Johnny's hands travel higher, kneading your boobs in his hands while he buries his face on your neck. 

You let your head fall back on Johnny's shoulder, moaning when Simon's tongue rubs against your clit. Johnny pities Simon, pulling one of your legs up to the side, giving full access to Simon who doesn't waste a second before diving in and dragging his tongue from your entrance to your clit giving it a harsh suck making you buck your hips as you fist his hair on your hand. 

Johnny shushes in your hear, his other hand travelling to your core from behind; touching you along Simon's tongue. And while Simon's focus is on your clit, sending shockwaves up your body, Johnny slides one of his fingers onto your weeping cunt.

“Fuck yer tight…” Johnny moans into your ear. “Are you gonnae choke my dick this hard or is it only cause Simon sucking you off, hm?” 

Your only response is a moan in the shape of Simon's name, making both men chuckle. Johnny fits a second finger inside of you making you whimper as you start to move your hips from Simon's mouth to Johnny's hand and vice versa. Johnny starts to move his hand, finger getting sucked in whenever he tries to get the out; your wetness rolling down between his fingers when he scissors them inside and Simon notices, moving down to lick Johnny's hand, tongue dragging between his fingers and inside of you. 

When you look down, the only part of Simon's face you can see is his eyes, closed in blissful satisfaction at the feel and taste of your cunt on his mouth. 

Both of them feel you clench, your first orgasm of the night approaching. And it doesn't matter how happy he is to finally be together, of you forgiving them, of wanting to pay you back for saving him; Johnny is not skipping an opportunity to tease you. “Coming already, lass? Bit needy, weren't ye?”

You chuckle between moans, biting back. “Yeah… unlike you two little dickheads, shit! I-I haven't gotten laid in a minute… fuck…”

Simon chuckles against your cunt, knowing perfectly fine he deserves way worse than that and focusing on keeping you mind off of it. Johnny does just the same, curling his finger and kissing your neck helping you fall over the edge with a loud moan. 

You slide down, Johnny helping you rest on your knees between Simon legs with your head resting on his thigh. Simon pets your head, moving your hair out of your face. You open your eyes, coming face to face with his still rock hard member, and you look up to Simon, questioning. 

“Back for more already, love?” He asks, deep chuckle on his chest when you nod blushing just a bit. Johnny laughs too behind you, pulling Simon's hand slightly. 

“I have an idea. Stand up, Lt.” Johnny says, kneeling beside you and helping Simon take off his pants. “Two heads are better than one, ain't that right?” 

Simon stands before the two of you, looking down and finding both you looking up at him; getting distracted by his mouth watering length just in front of you. 

And at the sight of his two little zombies, back from the grave, the two only person that Simon has given himself the freedom to love, the only two person Simon let himself cry for after burying you, the two only person he has truly love; Simon can't contain the tear that drops from his right eye.

He tries to hide it, throwing his head back; but you see it, see the tear glisten as it drops on your cheek. But you don't say anything, and neither does Johnny when he wipes it with his thumb. 

You lean forward, leaving open mouth kisses at the base of his shaft while you feel Johnny suck on his tip. It makes Simon groan, the angle of his neck making it sound raspier. 

You move towards the tip, feeling Johnny's hand rest on your nape. When you are face to face with him, you feel his tongue move under Simon's dick, looking for your mouth. Pushing towards the tip to be able to finally kiss you, the open mouth kiss revolving in kissing Simon’s tip almost like it was a third tongue involved. And although it almost feels like excluding Simon, the sight of his two lovers kissing around his cock has him moving his hips against your lips; smearing the spit over both of your cheeks again. 

Johnny pulls back, making you whine against Simon's dick. “Open wide, love.” Johnny tells you, moving behind you and cupping your face from behind. 

Johnny holds your head as Simon lets his dick easily slide over your tongue, and when you close your lips around his length Johnny pushes his thumbs on your cheeks, making Simon feel the pressure on his length. He groans, feeling your throat open around his length to accommodate him as he moves deeper inside of your mouth.

“Easy now, you both.” Simon mumbles when he sees your eyes water as he moves down your throat. Johnny chuckles letting go of your head as he moves, switching to stand behind Simon.

Simon follows him with his gaze, aware already of his plan and the scot has the nerve to wink at him before diving between his cheeks. He rests a hand on the back of yours and Johnny's head, moaning at the double stimulation. 

Johnny is ravenous on the way he eats him out, fingertips digging on the meat of his asscheeks spreading them, his unquenchable thirst for making Simon moan driving him to push his tongue deeper.

While you on the other side keep pushing forward, your nose closer and closer to his pubic bone, your soft hands massaging his heavy balls screaming for release as you keep sucking him in making him whimper.

There is a point, when Johnny's tongue is so deep and your nose is squished against his happy trail, your tongue sticking to lick at his balls, that Simon feels his knees buckle. 

“Wait, wait, darling.” He whimpers, pulling your head back with a hand on your cheek pushing back softly. “You too, mutt!” He says, grabbing Johnny's mohawk to pull him back without actual strength. “I want to switch… Lay down on the bed for me, love. On your back, raise your legs.” He says, petting your head and you nod as you start to move, stealing a kiss from Johnny's mouth as your crawl passes him. 

You lay just like he told you, propping on your elbows to caress his face when he kneels before you. You smile. “In need of some more, pussy boy?” You ask, overconfident in yourself; quickly falling back when Simon runs his hot tongue from your ass to your clit, flat, splitting your lips and making you moan. 

Simon chuckles, before turning his head back to look at Johnny over his shoulder, using his hand to spread his cheeks. “It ain't gonna prep itself, Johnny.”

“Fuckin’ hell…” Johnny says chuckling, slapping Simon's ass before standing up and going to his bag. Both Simon and you look at him, wondering what his intentions are and you smile when you see him pick the lube bottle from his back. 

Simon rolls his eyes when Johnny shakes the bottle at him, teasingly. Johnny kneels behind him, slapping his ass again but keeps his hand on the taut meat to pull it apart. He moves down, kissing down his back to his already spit covered hole. 

Simon sighs at the feeling, leaning on your touch when you pet his head, kissing your wrist before diving back into your folds. Sliding his tongue in circles around your clit, softly sucking it into his mouth.

It is quite the sight to have Simon on his hands and knees in front of you, eating you out and drinking your juices up like a puppy while you see Johnny's head peek over the curve on his ass.

You keep your hand on Simon's head, brushing his hair back as he hums against your cunt. Ah… Johnny's tongue… you are familiar with the feeling. 

So you don't blame him when he stills on his movements, tongue falling out of his mouth without care as he moans at Johnny's tactics. Instead, you plant your feet on the edge of the bed, using your hand to grab Simon's hair and slowly start to grind against his face. 

You see his eyes widen for a second when he looks up at you, not expecting being downgraded to a ribbed mat to grind against. Not that he cared too much, not with the moans falling so prettily from your mouth and not with the way you so desperately cling to his hair.

He's embarrassed of himself, of the weak excuse of head he's giving you. He should be lapping up your weeping cunt like a parched dog at its bowl, and instead he is just slobbering all over your pretty folds, barely able to suck at your clit. 

But he can't focus any better, not when Johnny's tongue is curling inside of him in a way that has him wanting to push himself back onto his mouth, eyes threatening to roll back in his skull. He tried his utmost effort not to whine when he feels Johnny retrieving his tongue, moving back to his knees.

Johnny pops the bottle open, splattering a generous glob of lube between Simon's cheeks, making him grunt at the coldness. Johnny chuckles at him, his fingertip teasing at his entrance, pushing the lube in and he leans on Simon's shoulder. “Aww, bit too chilly for ye, Si?”

“Get at it already.” Simon grunts as an answer when you pull his head back, the tip of his ears red with embarrassment and lust. Johnny lands his free hand on the back of his head, pushing his face back against your cunt. 

“You get at it, eejit. Got bonnie bored out of her mind, making her do all the work.” He teases Simon. You slap his hand, scolding him; not wanting Simon to feel bad. But Simon notices the way your ankles are shaking from holding yourself up grinding against him, and he moves his hands from the ground to around your hips, pushing you against his face. 

He is resting on his elbows, holding your cunt at level with his mouth as he dives him right between glistering folds. Shaking his head in, his nose smushed against your clit, bending with each shake making your legs buckle; he slides his tongue in, curling it and feeling every rib of your walls drowning down on your taste. 

Johnny smiles when your moans rise in volume, your head falling back, he lets go of Simon's head while petting his head like a dog. “Atta boy.” He rests his hand on Simon's shoulder, leaning to kiss his back as he slides a finger in. 

Simon's eyes flutter closed, feeling his ass suck Johnny's finger in. He moans against your core, not relenting on his assault and soon enough Johnny is sliding a second finger. The stretch making him arch his back; and Johnny starts to pick up the pace, smiling when he notices Simon roll his hips to meet his fingers. 

“Look at you, Simon… getting all loose and soft for us… you can’t wait to get fucked stupid, can you?” Johnny smiles, kissing Simon's shoulder.

But Simon is struggling, he desperately wants to get you off before doing so himself. He really is trying his best, but when he tries to keep himself from coming he clenches around Johnny's fingers only making it worse. 

He can feel you are close, sucking his tongue in when you grip him, just a couple seconds more, he knows it. And then Johnny curls his fingers sneakily and Simon is coming all over the ground, moaning loudly against your awaiting cunt, unable to move and ruining your orgasm making you want to cry. 

He feels bad, he feels really bad for doing you dirty like that. Johnny only laughs softly, just for him to start moving his fingers at light speed making Simon whine as he crawls towards you, away from Johnny who only follows him. 

Simon hides his face in your stomach, moaning loudly at Johnny's attack, his fingernails digging into your thigh at the overstimulation. You whine Johnny's name, your cunt still spasming with the ruined release and Johnny finally pulls his hand back, slapping Simon’s ass.

“Move to the bed, Lt. You so fucking massive I can't even reach our girl.” Johnny says, teasing him even further as he moves to lay on his back on the mattress. Johnny stands up to finally take off his clothes, moving to kneel between his legs, grasping Simon's softening dick on his hand making it slap against his abdomen. “Look at you, Lt… I thought you promised our girl a nice fuck, what are you going to do with this?”

“Shut the fuck up, Johnny.” Simon says, moving his hand to caress your leg from where you are sitting next to him. “Just need a minute…” he mumbles. 

Johnny spreads his legs, collecting the lube sliding down Simon's crack with the bulbous tip of his length before probing at his entrance. “In the meantime… Fuck, Si… C’mon, pretty boy… Open wide for me.”.

He starts to push forward, pushing Simon's legs as well against his chest, bending him in half. It knocks the air out of him, making throw his head back with the mouth open on a silent scream of pleasure. 

He feels filled to the brim, and he hisses when Johnny starts to move his hand up and down his shaft. And although it is borderline painful, he can help the moans that fall from his lips when Johnny rolls his hips against his. 

“Singing like a pretty bird, you are, Si…” Johnny comments, looking at you and seeing how you discreetly try to slide your hand between your legs, desperate for the release. Their poor girl, their poor sweet girl. Her two lovers right beside her and still feeling neglected of the attention she so badly deserves; too sweet to even ask for it. “Ride his face, darling. Don't mind if he can't breathe, that's what he gets for leaving you hanging.”

At the sound of his voice you instinctively close your legs, moving when you see him move his head to point to Simon's head; only to be met by his heart shaped pupils with his hand extended to you calling you in. 

You move, sliding your legs over his head as you hoist yourself over him and look between your legs, seeing Simon laying with his mouth wide open, tongue resting over his lower lip waiting for you to sit down on him. When you take too long to do so, Simon grabs your hips, offended by the distance, pulling you down against his face, making you rest your hands on his chest. 

He doesn't care to breathe, and if this is the way he dies? Well, he can't think of a more glorious way to go out. 

Johnny snaps his hips, making Simon move and therefore grind his face against your cunt. And the harmonious moans sound to him just like a starting shot. He starts to roll his hips, picking up the pace and making the thrusts hard enough to make Simon bounce at them. 

The moment Simon mouth is back on focusing on your core, you feel your orgasm turn around embarrassingly quick, moans and whines slipping past your lips in abundance. Grinding your hips once again against Simon's face who's moaning back just as much. Your body easily forgetting the offence of having gotten your release pulled away so harshly.

Johnny leans forward kissing you feverishly, making you cling to his shoulders as you moan in his mouth. He feels guilty too, it was his doing what made Simon unable to function, even if it makes him proud how easily he can get the man undone. So to silence his guilt, he lowers his hand, dragging it down on your body, until he reaches your clit; rubbing tight circles making you wail into his mouth. 

“Fuck… Fuck, I'm gonna… Shit!” You close your eyes, letting your face fall into his neck, your legs shaking around Simon's head against his tight hold of your thighs with anticipation and you finally feel the coil in your inside snap. And out of everytime that Simon has been waterboarded this is definitely his favourite, drinking up every drop you are willing to give him. 

You gasp for hair, your body shaking with the aftershock of your orgasm and Johnny moves his hand to your waist, keeping you up. “Good girl, what a fucking good girl you are, love. We are so fucking lucky to have you.” He slows down on his pace, helping you lay on Simon's body and letting Simon's legs rest around his hips so you can rest your head; your legs still over his neck, not that he minds it; leaving kisses on the back of your thigh wetting your skin with the moistness of his face.

Johnny pets your head resting on Simon's abdomen, stilling on his movements to wait for your answer. A shiver runs down your body as you mutter “fuck”, making both chuckle and you look up to Johnny.

“You broken, baby?” He asks, smiling. 

“Not yet, Johnny.” You answer, wrapping your hand around Simon's still soft dick to lazily lick his tip; pulling back the skin to slide your tongue over his slit to taste his salty seed that ended up wasted on the floor. Johnny looks up to Simon, seeing how he tightly closes his eyes, throwing his head back with a deep groan.

It's the mix of Johnny's ridiculously thick cock rubbing against his prostate on each thrust and your warm mouth engulfing him in that makes him start to chub up at a record speed of refractory period. 

You feel it in your mouth, how each bob of your head has your jaw stinging more and more. You look up to Johnny, staring at you in awe at the way you swallow the massive dick of Simon, timing his thrust with your movements. “Yer a fucking eye candy, love.” He says, caressing your cheek. “I can't fucking wait to see yer pretty face every morning.”

He moves his hand to the back of your head, keeping it in place when you have Simon's dick stuffing your throat and he rolls his hips deeper, as deep as he can; leaning his body forward just to feel your forehead rest over his pubic bone. 

He pulls back, letting you move back as you pull Simon's cock out of your throat letting it fall on Simon's abdomen with a wet thud, his length finally on his full size again, spit connecting it to your lips as you breathe harshly. Simon groans, the air of the room cold in comparison with your warm mouth.

Johnny picks you up, making you sit over Simon's dick with your back pressed against his chest. “Are you gonna ride his dick like a good girl, love? Hm? Gonna help me fuck him silly?” He asks, making you nod as you whine at his words. 

You move a hand down, wrapping it around Simon's base and sitting down on it. The wetness of his length and the arousal still dripping from your cunt the only relief of the stretch of his dick. 

You sit down smoothly, moaning incoherent words as you use your hand to rest on Simon's chest. And for Simon it is too much, never has he felt this full and wrapped so tight on his life. The only reason why he hasn't cum already being his dick being barely back to life.

He looks up, at how Johnny is hugging you from behind, hiding his face on your neck and whispering praises while he keeps thrusting forwards. At how you have your head resting on Johnny's shoulder, the prettiest noises falling from your mouth as you slide up and down his length. 

His two lovers, finally with him, and as close as he can. He wants to cry again, except this time is also for the overstimulation. He whines, weakly moving his hips to meet both Johnny's and your movement. 

But he can't, his balls stuck between you and Johnny clenching with the need of release. He can hold it much longer but he needs to hold it, for you, for Johnny. 

Johnny was right when back in th car he told him he was going to break the moment you joined the picture, how the two of you were going to fuck him stupid. Fucking Johnny. 

But Simon is not the only one affected, he sees how Johnny's eyebrows furrow, trying his best to keep himself from coming undone, holding himself back so nicely like the good boy he is. So Simon can't let him updo him, resting his hands on your hips; moving his thumb lower to circle your clit. 

Johnny's hands move lower, interlocking his fingers with Simon's on your hips; using you to push Simon back against his hips. 

And like a chain reaction, when you finally fall over the edge with a silent scream as little white dots fill your vision, Simon spurs thick ropes of his seed deep into your cunt when he feels you clench. Leaving Johnny freedom to snap his hips fast against him looking for his release, moaning beautifully when he also spills deep inside of Simon. 

You lay over Simon's chest, Johnny laying next to Simon and pulling you in the middle, kissing your shoulder. The warmth from both bodies surrounding you making you feel the safest you have ever been.

It’s a comfortable silence, basking on the afterglow of an amazing session that has left the three of you unable to move right. Three pairs of legs tangled together, Johnny's arm over your body keeping you close to Simon and him. The silence only breaks when you speak. 

“Does this mean we are dating now?” The question making the both of them chuckle.

“We haven't gone on a date.” Simon points out.

“Do you want to go on a date?” Johnny asks behind you. 

“Yeah! I would love to.” You say smiling widely.

And after learning all his life how to hate, Simon finally had reasons to teach himself how to love. Because all this new range of emotions, of wants, of needs, of reasons to smile, to wake up in the morning; the origin of it all are lying right next to him, talking about where they want to go on said date. 

Simon Riley was a man that died years ago, the soldier nicknamed as Ghost pulling his corspe out of his grave. And after so many years of killing, torturing and ignoring every human emotion from his cold heart; he is finally starting to see himself in the mirror. 

The three of them having their own strange death, still coming back with more of their pieces intact, and getting drawn together like a magnet. Maybe it was just normal, no one can understand what is like to die as good as somebody who has done it too, maybe it was destiny way to apologise to almost actually killing them; or maybe it was simply and normal attraction that started the moment every one of them met the rest, and the three were too prideful, too coward or too insecure to actually recognise the feelings as such. 

And maybe, in the future, when Johnny’s memory is complete again; he will admit to them how he started to have slim flashbacks of them before the accident. Glimpses of their faces, of nicknames, of kisses on the cheeks, of sighs leaving his mouth when watching them. But for now, he will keep them to himself, and rather that reminiscent on those past memories; he will build new ones, as his, and not as the man he was before the accident. 

Many things could have gone differently if the tunnel had fallen on him, and luckily it didn't; because after all, well, he wasn't on that tunnel.

That's all, people.

Hope you enjoyed the "mini" serie, mini because in 5 chapters I wrote almost 25k words. But I hope you enjoyed every one of them just as much as I did. 🩷

@crashtestbunny @going-to-ikea-for-the-fries @waiting-so-long @mothymunson @cod-z  

@lyralein @whos-fran @thevoidwriting @sklt987659 @dumb12bvtch1212

@thatonepupkai @darkangel4121 @spadekip @herefor-tojis-tits @soupinasock  

@arbesa-mind @cmbghost @multifandomheathenannie @tooloudarts @panikk-attackkk

@reap3erslov3 @mothsdrabbles @ghosts-hoe @cassiecasluciluce @sleepdeprivedkat  

@lunamoonbby @hatterripper31 @contractedcriteria @vxnilla-hxrddrugs @fraserbraw

@rosiehale23 @keiva1000 @sw33tsnow @loveandplanet @sobbingnshtting

@dprmoon @simpsallthetime1997 @ladyxtiger @soapsmohawk-16 @nina6708

@katreintjie @sacvh @thesinsoflust @sodavrr @yuki2129

@idk-justkane @shanhalen @dukeofjjune @crinoid90 @thatoneslvt

[lowkeyrobin]

hii! :D what about a tmr fic with frypan? like a nice fluffy platonic one where reader and him are just besties. could be like a headcanon or a fic idk my boy frypan does not get enough love anything would be fine

oh my god yes of course!! ; and you're so right he does NOT get enough love within this fandom & I rlly wish we saw more of him in death cure :( that was his best era and I'll stand by that ; but yes of course, thanks for requesting, hope you enjoy!!!

FRYPAN ; besties core

summary ; what it's like being best friends w fry

warnings ; language, most of this being death cure stuff cause idk

word count ; 417

masterlist

yall r tied to the HIP

you're literally that duo

forget newt and thomas or brenda and jorge, you and fry are the moment

you're literally the only person to call him siggy (his actual wckd name) and that's a rare occurrence

you have a handshake too

it's corny but it's cute

he shows you food recipes a lot

he also taught you how to drive cause he was a natural at it

you guys cackled for a second because of irony + adrenaline after he flipped it on the way to the last city

newt was stumbling everywhere and thomas was worried you all died for a sec 💀 and you're both hysterical before you begin to dig around the turned over vehicle looking for the rifle that fry brought

you two are left in the background while the others do their main character shit

like playing checkers, tic tac toe, and rock paper scissors while waiting for brenda to steal the bus and rescue the other kids wckd had in their possession

you were on the bridge while fry was working the control panel

you were the one kind of directing him for 100% accuracy + the first to get down to brenda and the kids to lead them back to lawrence's lair

meanwhile you were joking with each other the whole way there about how he didn't work fast enough and how he hit so many buildings with the bus and how you were shit at communicating

in the safe haven, you spend most of your time together

you fish, he cooks

and a lot of the time you help him cook

you get drunk off of gallys secret recipe from the Glade for the first time in a long time and run around on the beach together

gally joins you for a bit just to look over you so you didn't end up drowning

fry would be fine, but you? eh... maybe

lots of wrestling on the beach and drawing in the sand together

and regaining memories together 💔

you guys always share what you remember right when it happens, whether it be in your sleep or if you zoned out or were hallucinating it

"dude, my real name is pre-wicked/name!"

"honestly, y/n fits you better"

"im not gonna be saying that when you remember yours, siggy"

"man..."

lots of coping in general together, and making new phrases to create like modern genz slang

"that fit ate up, brenda!"

"thank you!"

"bro had that crank rizz 💀"

"y/n, someone just died"

[iheartjameshetfield]

Okay okay I know I would kill for James and the urge to be his girlfriend is killing me but imagine being his girl bsf.

Like from kindergarten you and him where friends and now you two are inseparable. Just for him to be so comfortable around you makes me feel a type of wayyy. And you two tell each other like EVERYTHING.

Because your parents are always out of town, James would always come around to your house and stay for days on days.

(Like when you two are like 15 or something) You somehow manage to get alcohol and cigarettes. So you two would just get drunk to a degree and mess around in your back yard.

Like having that kinda friendship with James to the point where you are like brother and sister is so fucking cute like OH MH GOD SOMEONE HELP ME. 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

Someone send help this boy is too cute

NO CUZ IVE HAD THE SAME THOUGHT

like as much as i literally wanna marry this beautiful specimen of a man, just imagine being his best friend in the whole world.

you would’ve been there for all his shit and he would be there for all of yours. i feel like james use to be the type of person who didn’t know how to comfort someone that much, like he’d be more awkward ‘how do i stop her from being sad’ he would mean well but he just wouldn’t know what to do

but with you? god you’ve been friends for lord knows how long, he knows that he doesn’t even have to say anything. he knows that you just being in his embrace, hugging you for as long as you need it and him murmuring sweet words to you is enough. he knows that you’ll be ready to talk about it on your own pace. he knows not to try and give you advice. he understands that you just need someone to understand and hear you

during classes, you two wouldn’t even focus. you would just keep talking and talking, shit talking everyone you can, drawing the weirdest shit you can think of in each other’s notebooks or playing games like tic tac toe.

most of the time, one of you, if not the both of you, were asleep. you grab his wrist slowly to be sure not to wake him up and draw on his hand or write meaningless notes or insults on him. or when you’re the one who is asleep, he’d mindlessly play with the ends of your hair. i feel like he would also take notes for you if you fell asleep during smth important. you couldn’t even count the amount of times you both were late to class because both slept throughout the session, james’ back slouched against his chair while you rest your head on his arm.

he would alwayssss make sure to walk you to your class first, not caring how late he would be to his own.

sometimes, when you both were sooo done with school, you’d ditch. you would leave early and go back to your house. you would eat whatever snack you found while he shows you something new he learned on the guitar, or you’d both be in the back yard, listening to whatever was on the radio while you pass a joint back and forth, talking about whatever came to mind since there were no secrets between the two of you

james would teach you how to drive since your parents didn’t have the time. he’d make silly remarks, pretending to clutch onto the seatbelt harder than necessary as he prays to god to forgive him for everything he’s done while you tell him to shut up and not be overdramatic.

during prom, you were sort of down that no one had asked you, although you weren’t surprised since you didn’t really interact with anyone from your grade other than james.

to make you feel better, he would buy you flowers and ask you instead. he’d do the whole matching his tie with your dress and even pick you up from the front door like a gentlemen.

when you guys were in middle school, you started using this camera that you found somewhere in your house. you would take pictures of the weirdest things or take pictures of james during the most unusual timings. he could be opening a can of beer, or picking out a record, or even tuning his guitar and every three seconds, he’d feel you take a picture of him.

it annoyed him a lot at first, which only made you take more pictures of him, but after a while he got used to it. in fact, he enjoyed it and would sometimes use the camera to take pictures of you or the both of you together.

james sees you as his little sister, so he hates it whenever you’d wear something a little showy. whenever you’d go to a gig with him or a club or just anywhere, he always makes sure to stay close to you, chasing off any guy that even thinks about making a move on you. you get annoyed at him most of the time but other times, you were thankful. although you did find it irritating whenever he’d pull your shirt up or your skirt down or even giving you his jacket, telling you to cover up.

this picture of james is so childhood-best-friend trope i cant explain it, but he would totally smile this way with you only or when you tell him to smile big for the camera, he’d give you this goofy grin 😭😭

[mindingmybidness12]

Settling Differences [Jenna Ortega x GN! Reader]

Summary: You and Jenna were having a bit of a dispute and you two go about solving it like any normal couple would.

Warnings: Fluff, banter, no editing

************************************************************************

“Ok, it’s your turn to do the dishes.”

“BULLSHIT! It’s your turn! It was my turn last time.”

“and I had to do it for a month straight before that!”

“I WAS OUT FILMING COMMERCIALS!”

“Oh. So what you’re telling me is that you’re too Hollywood for the dishes? Dawn and Mr Clean just couldn’t fit into your schedule?”

“Oh. SHUT. UP."

"Oh? Has this worthless peon spoken out of turn? Forgive me Lady Hollywood."

"Oh will you stop being a petty little asshole? Geeeeez!!"

Despite the back and forth, your girlfriend Jenna had the biggest smile on her face. Even when she was continuously rolling her eyes she had nothing but fondness and slight exasperation on her face. This was how you guys worked. The banter was always lively and always came from both sides even though you were the one to instigate things more often then not. Jenna caught on to your bullshit quick and decided to roll with it by sometimes acting as your straight man on purpose. This is only one of the many things you love about her. She could take a joke.

"Hey if I was being petty I would have call you Miss Almost Golden Globe."

That's to say that you wouldn't try to push the envelope every now and then.

Jenna's eyes bugged out of her head and her jaw dropped as a laugh of disbelief escaped her lips.

"No you fucking didn't!"

"I didn't! I could've, but I didn't."

"You just did!"

"Nooo that was a hypothetical situation that could've happened in an alternate timeline. Sooo...."

"I'm gonna fucking kill you now."

"That would be rude and - oh god!"

You started booking it out of the kitchen with a pissed Ortega on your hills. You two would then reenact a Scooby doo ass chase scene throughout your shared living space. Eventually though she got a hold of you and would now exact her revenge.

"Take this you little shit! And this and that!"

She had you pinned down and straddle and was delivering a merciless assault of pinches all over your face. She got your cheeks and your ears. She grabbed at your hair and twisted it around and stuck two fingers in your nose and pulled. She wasn't mad still. She knew you were playing around. Didn't mean she couldn't give you hell though.

"Ow! Ouch! I give, I give! Uncle. I'm sorry!"

"That's right," she grinned while wiping her hands on your shirt. "Now prove to me your sorry by cleaning the kitchen."

"Oh alright..."

"Good-"

"SIKE!!!"

You threw her off you and she let a cute yelp.

"Y/N, what the fuck?!"

"I refuse to concede defeat." you said as you climbed to your feet while dusting yourself off.

"You just did though?"

"Hush child." You started off before going into a "dramatic" monologue all the while ignoring the mutter of an "Oh brother..." that came from the girl behind you. "We now find ourselves at a crossroads. Neither one of us willing to budge."

"Just do the dishes, dude."

"WE WILL NOT BUDGE SO WE MUST SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL!!! TO THE DEATH."

"Best 2 out of 3?" At this point Jenna had gotten up and looked at you with a deadpanned stare but the amusement was clearly dancing in her eyes for anyone to see.

"Best 2 out of 3."

"ROCK! PAPER! SCISSORS! SHOOT! ROCK! PAPER! SCISSORS! SHOOT! ROCK! PAPER! SCISSORS! SHOOT! ROCK! PAPER! SCISSORS! SHOOT!"

"Dammit loose already!" You cried.

"Never!" Jenna shouted back laughing.

************************************************************************

You and Jenna sat at the dinner table with crumpled up paper all around you. One sheet of paper was laid out between the two of you with a myriad of x's and o's across it.

"Ok. Rock, Paper, and scissors is one thing..." You began, "But how the hell do you tie in tic-tac-toe? 20 times in a row?"

"Maybe you should just get a clue and lose already." Jenna shrugged while playing with her hair. She wasn't winning but she still had a smug air about her. She was stopping you from winning so she couldn't help but feel smug. You wanted to wipe that smirk off her face.

"Alright you little garden gnome, this next game will be your last."

************************************************************************

Y/N : 2000 LP

Jenna: 1200 LP

"I tribute my two monsters and summon my Blue-Eyes White Dragon." You cried in glee.

"FUCK!" Jenna wasn't feeling the glee.

"I'm gonna wipe out the puny monster of yours and-"

"Nope!" Jenna interrupted with a "Negate Attack".

"I can nope too." You said while activating a "Trap Jammer" to cancel her Trap card.

"Nope!" Jenna said again while activating her own "Trap Jammer".

"Right back at yah, kid." Activating your second "Trap Jammer" and she just gave you a look as you grinned cheekily at her. You were about to resume your attack before she flipped over her last trap card.

"Ring of Destruction? AH SHIT!"

That card would destroy a monster and deal damage to both equal to its attack points. Your Blue-Eyes was the target and with its 3000 attack points that means....

"Draw" You and Jenna sighed at the same time.

************************************************************************

You were now on what would potential be the last chance of victory for the both of you. A fighting game. Specifically the fighting game the both of you played together all the time. This game would always get competitive one way or the other and would often become a way to settle all disputes that got too far. Really something as petty as dish washing didn't need to call for all of this but the two of you were having way too much fun and both of you wanted to win.

It was a martial arts game that had a good move pull and several good mechanics and fun little gimmicks in the game. Like being able to show respect to your opponent.

"Ok let's begin with a bow of respec- DAMN!!"

Respect seemed to be the furthest thing from your opponent's mind. You were immediately interrupted by Jenna, who at the word "begin", threw a mean roundhouse kick at your character who was halfway into a bow. The poor bastard had no choice but to eat shit.

"Oh! You said begin! So I just... got to work I guess. My bad."

She didn't sound too sorry. Neither did she stop giving you the business either. You then quickly got into as well. Despite the cheap shot from Jenna (You were secretly proud as hell) you were able to catch up in terms of damage.

Soon you were both on your last legs and with one hit, there would be a winner. You both mashed your controllers and!!!

knocked each other clean the fuck out.

"DRAW!!" the game called out.

"BULLSHIT!!" You both raged.

************************************************************************

"Well there's only a few more ways this could go." You said after you both had time to cool off.

"How?" Jenna asked whiled looking towards you.

"Either you or I could be the bigger person and volunteer to clean the kitchen."

Jenna raised a delicate eyebrow.

"Or.... the one to last longest in bed wins and doesn't have to clean the kitchen for two weeks?"

"....."

".....deal."

************************************************************************

It was tie. You both lost. But you ended up cleaning the kitchen in the morning and making her breakfast in bed so really you lost.

You didn't feel like much of a loser though :)

************************************************************************

A/N: And that's that. Went a little longer than I thought it would but I had fun. Leave a like and comment and I'll see you when I see you!

[hes-back-from-the-dead]

Here are some different drafts and the process of working on my own poster for the SPO poster project! Long post below!

My initial concept was to have the poster be heavily grafitti'd as a sort of fun little gag towards my headcanon of the Snes and Wii iterations of him being different characters and how frequently the fandom bullies his design.

I then got sad cause I realized I'd put a lot of work into making the poster, and Aran himself, look really good and I didn't wanna hide either. So I decided to make it an open invitation for others to fuck around with their own posters!

I ended up being pretty indecisive on what I wanted to do for the graffiti itself- I had far too many ideas.

I obviously got the stache, brows, crossed eyes, and stink lines form the contender intro for Aran but I thought I'd add my own touches like silly shit people did in my server (playing tic tac toe on his massive forehead) and generally what I think Wii Aran would do to mock his counterpart.

The original iteration ended up too mean especially with all the fat comments, so switching them for more varied words ended up looking much better! 'Men gotta be fart, stupid, and hideous' is my favorite line.

To translate some other insults: Jackeen means a city person, usually mocking Dubliners. Dryshite just means boring.

In the final set, Wii Aran also has another piece of graffiti on the wall- it's meant to invoke spray paint but I didn't do too well here. This is far from the first time he's made a mockery of branch B's Aran and it won't be the last.

As for the plain poster- from the original, the biggest changes are the background of the portrait and his blurb. Yes I'm aware he has no ear holes I can't draw them I'm sorry.

I kinda HATE the way the background is tbh- the spo manual already makes everyone ugly as shit- there's no need to make it worse lmao.

I went with bricks spattered with dirt and blood to evoke a feeling of being in a back alley fight. My original attempt was garbage but then I found this simple brick brush that made my entire life easier.

I wanted to give him a black eye and bloody nose too but it ended up being too hard for me to figure out.

Tbh I don't like the original blurb- it feels clunky and empty all at once. I tried to go with a snappier rendition of the same main ideas while adding a bit of flair and appreciation for how he is in SPO.

The hardest bit of the whole process was probably figuring out all the strange quirks of the text. It looks good but damn is it hard to replicate.

My favorite part was playing around with all the layers and ways I could use effects- a filter or two really does a lot to add to the feeling of a poster. And for one last bit of funsies, here's the poster without any effects vs all of them. (I lost the version with highlighting on his face, whoops!)

I'm really happy with this piece and how quickly I finished it! I think it's a really good sign for my progress in digital art! If you've got questions, feel free to ask in the replies!

[hazbinhotell0v3r]

Girls Night!! (Hazbin Hotel Tickle Tumblr/ Chaggie moment)

(Thanks a bunch to https://ckducky.tumblr.com/ for letting me make a story to this, I have something adorable in mind and I hope u like it!!

Summary: A month after the war between hell and heaven, finding out that Sir Pentouis is safe and reedemed to heaven, the girls decide to have a slumber party and help each other out with things they can’t do alone. Charlie offer to help with brushing Vaggies wings and hopes that Vaggie can farrier her hoofs, but Charlie’s way to sensitive so it’s gonna be hard to get it done!

“Okay Vaggie! I have everything we need for this awsome party!!” Charlie squealed excitedly. After finding out that there snake friend was saved, Charlie decided to have a slumber party with Vaggie for some Girlfriend bonding time. “Okay so, first where gonna order some pizza!!” Charlie said in a high pitch voice.

Vaggie felt so warm inside to see how her girlfriend had been back to her normal peppy happy self again. “Okay, I’ll order it.” Vaggie calmly stated.” As Vaggie was on the phone Charlie heard that the pizza would arrive in 35 minutes. 35 minutes!!? Charlie couldn’t bear to wait so long so she asked Vaggie for the phone. “As this young lady is my girlfriend! The Princess of hell her self, Charlie Charlotte Morningstar! I command you make it 10!!” Charlie said in a dramatic playful tone.

Both could hear how worried he had sounded, and the chaos that was happening. The girls laughed after hanging up the phone of he problem they just caused the Papa’s Pizzeria. While they waited, the girls played Tic-Tac-Toe and boy was Charlie beating Vaggie better then she was expected to lose. “Haha! I win again~“ Charlie teased to Vaggie, she thought it was pretty silly as she bragged but was also a little upset because Vaggie hated to lose, so she decided to get a silly little revenge when Charlie could least expect it.

“I will get you back some how, and I bet you won’t even see it coming giggle ball, I’ll be the one laughing!!” Vaggie teased to Charlie as she kept giggling about her win, “Yeah okay angel!” Charlie said back. Soon the pizza arrived and Charlie was already full from 2 slices, maybe she shouldn’t have eaten so much before the party. While Vaggie ate about 5 before she was full.

“Okay next thing on the list is-“ Charlie and Vaggie did almost everything on the list until there was the last thing. Charlie called it body care, “What does body care mean?” Vaggie questioned chuckling. “Body care is like, you know, brush hair or, farriers.” Charlie explained. “So, basically you brush my wings, and I like brush your hair and help you with your hoofs?” Vaggie asked. “ Yeah! Also, I have been needing to get my hoofs done for some time, before I start getting pains!”

It was a good thing Vaggie learned how to do Farriers sense had hoofs. “Holly Shit!! Vaggie!! You wings are so soft!!” Charlie exclaimed. It felt like hugging a pillow to Charlie when she brushed Vaggie’s wings. “Okay Charlie give me a hoof.” Charlie put one of her legs up to Vaggie’s hand to so that she could start to farrier.

“Babe, This would go faster if you kept still” Vaggie chuckled “Sorhehehe, ihiht tihihckles a buhunch!!” Charlie giggles, hee hoofs we’re very delicate, which also meant they where very sensitive too. Vaggie finally finished with her hoofs, but at the same time she remembered how Charlie continuously bragged about winning. So when Charlie was laying on her stomach, Vaggie went to sit on the back of her girlfriends knees, “ Babe, what are you doing?” Charlie asked the fallen angel. “Remember when you beat me in tic-tac-toe and I told you how I will get you back some how, and I betted you won’t even see it coming?” Vaggie asked cheekily.

“Babe wait let’s ju-HUHUHAHAHA” Charlie bursted out in laughed when Vaggie already started to skitter her fingers all around her right hoof. “NOHOHOHO, STOHOHOP, IHIHIM SOHOHRY!!” Charlie squealed. “Oh, your gonna be sorry once I’m done with you.

Charlie had something different about one of her hoofs, her left hood happened to be her most sensitive hoof, Vaggie and Charlie’s dad where the only people who knew about this. Today, Vaggie decided to take that advantage, so she pulled back Charlie’s big toe on her left foot, and started to stroke her finger nail up and down right on the middle, knowing that Charlie would try to kick and squirm, but her other foot was trapped in Vaggie’s legs and the rest of her body facing behind Vaggie.

Charlie was banging her hands try to break free, but she was to weak to even make a thump because of how tingly she felt. “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHEHE VAHAHAHAGHEHEHEI LEHET MEHEHEHE GOHOHOHO” Charlie was screaming helplessly know there was no escape unless Vaggie loosened her legs, or just let Charlie go. “Is the Princess no longer able to command her people? Is she to help less? Hmm~?” Vaggie teased while scratching Charlie’s sensitive foot. All Vaggie heard was screaming of laughter.

“Okay, I’m done giggle ball.” As Vaggie let go to lay down on her stomach beside Charlie who was still Calming herself down. “But I’m not!!” Charlie rolled with Vaggie in her arms, Charlie crouched over Vaggie with an evil smirk on her face. Charlie carried Vaggie up with Vaggie’s back on Charlie’s chest and Charlie.

“And now for my ultimate song!! With the laughing guitar!!” Charlie teased and then started to fiddle her fingers across Vaggie’s belly. “CHARHARLEHEIEHE!!” Vaggie laughed as Charlie played with Vaggie as a guitar on one of her weakest spots. “Hmm, I don’t my guitar is loud enough!! We must turn up the volume!!”

Charlie dug in belly button with fingers as if she had been running up the volume in a real guitar, that made Vaggie scream and squeal as she tried to wriggle herself out.”Dubababadudud, I love to play my guitar!!” Charlie coed to Vaggie in a teasing way “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA CHARLIE STAHAHAP!!” Vaggie was blushing harder and harder with the teasing and tickles.

“Okay I’m finished with my ~awsome song~” as Charlie stopped scattering her claws against Vaggie’s stomach, “You okay there guitar?” “Ya, I’m okay giggle ball.” Then they got in bed, cuddled up, and settle down with a nice movie on, ready to sleep

THE END

I hope y’all enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing this! (I was obsessed writing this!)

[azzydoesstuff]

azzy's guide to lethal company

goober bug

friend shaped

just a lil' guy

collects shiny stuff

don't take its shit

ouppy

stinky

lil' poopster

he don't bite

scary man

take a little peek but dont stare!

he has anxiety so he struggles with prolonged eye contact

if you don't watch your back he'll sneak up on ya and give you a big hug

i'm sure he's a nice guy really

oh fuck the BEES

take their hive for shits and giggles

OH FUCK THEY'RE ZAPPY AND SHIT

have killed more new players than fuck-all

spidore

ew

what the fuck is that

beat the shit out of it

roach

jumpscare warning

MMMNMMMPPHPHH

get the fucking chancla

tge fucking BUPPY

no walkies

always responds to his name

or any name actually

woagh!! you didn't tell me you had a little beast in your home!

a fuckiknhg. eouppy. a ligl frsiggn BEPPY.

the ooze

THE GLOB!!!!!

made of hydrochloric acid

you can bonk him with a shovel but it won't do you any good

sand worm

ripped right outta a sci-fi movie

drop all your shit and fucking MOVE it

pray

looks like a giant condom

baboob cocks

fucking angry pussy

literally fucking gang violence

aye tommy... gimme one-a dose uh... gold bahs, will yah?

land shark

run

i fucking hate you

bobblehead

boioioioioing

wins every staring contest

i'm fast as fuck boi

treeple (tree fucks)

the big man on campus

chews with his mouth open (ewwww!!!!!)

me when i FUCKING GET YOU

run like you fucking mean it, little bitch

it's always slightly faster than you

also i fucking hate these things with a scorching passion

merry christmas!

creaky footsteps

wants to wish you a merry christmas!

walk up to him and he'll spread his jolly cheer

just like santa claus, he's always watching you

so don't be naughty and stay up walking past your bedtime, or you're getting a handful (mouthful) of coal (hot lead)!

"what is th- is that a gun!?"

OW MY EARS

wallop him in a holly jolly scuffle and be rewarded with his merry presents! (it's a gun)

normal human being

hey guys it's me your teammate

let me walk over to you i swear nothing bad will happen

guys these theater masks are the latest style you should try them on

the funny box

living pipe bomb

listen to my tune

GET OUT get the FUCK OUT

big ass forehead

your forehead is LARGE. like, EXTREMELY massive

you could play tic-tac-toe on that shit bro

you made fun of her forehead, now she's surgically removing yours

"huh, i wonder for whom the bell tolls" FOR THEE.

[citizen-zero]

gen Xers and boomers made fun of millennials for wanting participation trophies but like. first of all YOU were the ones giving them to us. second of all. those participation trophies were for you! you as the parents!

you’re the ones who didn’t want to teach your kid the lesson that they wouldn’t always be the best and wouldn’t always win but that their participation was still meaningful. you’re the ones who didn’t want to reward earnest effort if it didn’t result in success. you’re the ones that said shit like “you don’t want to end up as a burger flipper” as if that isn’t a perfectly respectable job that plenty of people would be happy to do forever as long as it doesn’t suck. like, you’re the ones that drilled in the idea that you better be high performance high power and high pay or else you’re next to worthless. you’re the ones that keep harping on the idea that if a degree won’t potentially lead to a lucrative career then it’s worthless.

we all knew those trophies were bullshit. like, yeah, okay, there was the initial burst of dopamine when they handed you something that fooled you for a second into thinking you’d won, but then you’d remember that you hadn’t and all the other losers had gotten one of these cheap plastic things too, so even your consolation prize wasn’t actually all that special and the real winners might be getting actual prizes to boot

and then on top of that, like….it was a useless item. it’s not a toy you can play with or an item with practical use and it’s not something you’d care to display bc it’s a generic piece of junk. At least if you gave me like, an event-branded pencil and notepad as a goodie bag I could use that to doodle or play tic tac toe or MASH or something. Or a cool t-shirt, if the design is good enough then that would actually feel like you’d gotten a real prize (and honestly if the kid’s family is poor enough it’s one more piece of decent clothing they have and didn’t have to pay for).

Like. Idk. I never once asked for or wanted a participation trophy in my life, they always felt like hunks of junk that I was now burdened with. I feel like they were an attempt at boosting our self esteem and making us feel good about trying but it just felt condescending. it’s like the adults thought that we would completely fall apart at the seams. like oh you lost? Here’s a fake trophy that means absolutely nothing and doesn’t actually demonstrate any recognition of your accomplishments. We’re giving it to you because we can’t be bothered to teach you how to recognize your own worth in the face of failure because we think anything less than perfect victory is akin to total failure so here’s a pacifier you big baby. you fucking loser.

The participation trophy is for you, the parent who can’t stand the fact that not everyone is going to agree that your child is the best person ever in the world. it’s for you as the parent who won’t recognize that your kid still did their best and learned something from the experience and maybe even had fun doing it, and those are rewards all on their own.

If you want to boost someone’s self esteem you praise them for what they did well and you let them know that you’re still proud of them. and then you take them to get McDonald’s or ice cream or something. Like goddamn.

[solar-halos]

december prompt #6: snowflakes

mr and mrs everdeen fluff under the cut! mr everdeens name is kolton and mrs everdeen’s name is grace in this btw

Mother Nature was out to get him.

She had to be. The first time Kolton even tried to kiss Grace, it got interrupted by an explosion in the mines and the upheaval of his entire day. And, when she had kissed him, he barely had time to kiss her back before the randomest fuckin’ rainstorm cut it short.

It’s one sided beef. Good thing Kolton is very good at hunting.

Grace never likes watching him hunt—she always wants to heal the animals he pierces with his arrows, which wasn’t very good for (his) business—so he waits until he’s made all his trades before he knocks on her door.

She’s wrapping a scarf around her neck, cheeks already flushed from the cold. He feels better just seeing her—kinda makes him forget that he has nothing but a flimsy jacket to protect him from the biting wind.

Who cares? Grace bites him harder.

If only he wasn’t wearing his hunting clothes. He misses all of her celebratory nibbles on the shoulders, even if he’d never admit it.

Or maybe he would. With Mother Nature conspiring against him, that might be all he’s ever gonna get.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” she’s saying, which is something he wholeheartedly agrees with. Mother Nature can’t hate him that much if they get to spend so much uninterrupted time together, so he squeezes her hand and basks in the warmth of her smile.

Snow crunches under his hunting boots. Perfect. It’s not soft enough that it immediately crumbles under their feet, but they can carve out a place to play tic-tac-toe and hopscotch. Drawing was a bit harder, but after Kolton retrieves them a stick to thwack the ground with, they manage to produce something vaguely picture-shaped.

Kolton tilts his head to the side. “A monkey?”

“Squirrel.”

“Close enough,” he decides. “It’s a good drawing either way. It’s the stick that’s fuckin’ defective.”

She laughs as he tosses it to the side, as if it deeply offended him. (And it sorta has. Stupid fuckin’ splinters.) “Wanna play another game of tic-tac-toe?”

Kolton doesn’t usually like the snow—it’s so much harder to sneak up on prey when he’s shivering so hard his bones rattle outside his body—but he can see the appeal when Grace is around. Even if it’s hard as cement under their feet, and especially when Grace lays down a blanket that’s thick enough for them to sit on without getting their pants all wet.

She nestles her icy cold nose into his neck, the gesture oddly soothing against the contrast of her warm breath. He’s still hot from all the running around they did, but it’s not unpleasant. It’s kinda like drawing a bath after being knee-deep in snow, so he presses a kiss to the top of her head and leans into her some more.

“We should go to the lake someday,” he tells her, “when it warms up. I could teach you how to swim, or we could just wade out by the shallows.”

“Yeah,” she replies, even though they both know it’s an empty promise. She hasn’t had much practice with breaking rules—Capitol rules least of all. But the lake’s so pretty during the summertime that it feels more illegal that they can’t go swimming in it. “And maybe I’ll teach you how to use a syringe.”

Kolton’s stomach lurches at the thought. He could handle rabbits and bunnies and arrow-shaped holes. People were a different story.

“Point taken.”

He feels her smile against his shoulder. Now his stomach’s lurching in a completely new way.

He’s not really sure how to handle this whole kissing thing, so he leaves it up to her. Haymitch always swoons over how gentlemanly he is for that (because he’s a fuckin’ asshole), but if Kolton ever thought he needed to worry about anything more than putting food on the table, he would have started practicing this whole kissing thing sooner.

Or maybe he wouldn’t. He can’t imagine kissing anyone else other than Grace.

And, holy shit, does he kiss Grace. Her fingers curl around his shirt and he’s tilting his head to the side and then everything goes all pleasant and fuzzy for a few seconds.

And then, like clockwork, everything goes haywire.

Something cold and jarring lands on his nose, but he ignores it because Grace is parting her lips for him and he can’t believe they’ve made it this far, and it worked for a while. But then his face is practically drenched from the sudden onslaught of snow raining down on them, and so is hers, and they have to pull away before the snowflakes could fuse their faces together or something.

Snowflakes. Add that to his list of enemies.

He lets out a harsh breath through his nose, tilting his face up for proof of Mother Nature’s scorn. A snowflake plops onto his forehead. Grace wipes it away with her index finger, but she’s not any better off, so they get a move on.

They bundle up the blanket and make a break for the Hob. He holds it up over their heads as a shield, both of them giggling the whole way there, because everything is so much funnier when you’re in a relationship with the most dazzling girl in Panem.

He pulls out a stool for her, shaking off his jacket. “After you, m’lady.”

She giggles, dotting a kiss to his cheek. He leans in to kiss her back, ignoring the feeling of his waterlogged boots and snow-coated jacket.

And that’s perfectly okay. Mother Nature can’t follow him to Greasy Sae’s—there’s nothing organic going on behind that kitchen.

[musigrusi]

Random headcanons and Bullshit I would do if I were friends with 141 etc.

Order T-shirts with the 141 insignia but with the text "1 whore 1"

Would randomly hide in anyone's room for a nap, I sleep better anywhere but in my own bed lol.

I'd steal Graves' comb for that once-a-week brush out and then bring it back with all my hair still in it.

I hc that Soap is afraid of spiders so whenever he would be scared of one I'd collect it and proceed to chase him around with it

Ask Alex to change my car's tires, do the maintanance and such. He strikes me as a car tinkerer

Dance with Rudy to Salsa music, like 24/7 I love that shit.

To rlly trigger my daddy issues, I'd ask Price to slow dance with me to all my childhood songs. Not in a romantic way, just for my own comfort and depression (Bryan Adams' have you ever really loved a woman? / Eagles hotel california/ Beethoven's Moonshine sonata/ Elvis Presley's Falling in love/ Whitney Houston's I will always love you, and so on)

Building shit with König. Every insane Austrian can craft. Make me a bird house.

Go on midnight adventures with Ghost (like, go swimming, on walks, maybe even camping)

I'd also drag Ghost to my horse bc they seem a bit like kindred spirits, they would just stand there next to each other, in each other's company. He's also super shy to ask for pets so I'd like to believe that Ghost would be able to deal with that really nicely.

Farah for the 1st time on skis omg I'd die of cuteness overload. Protect at all cost, also Alex is a Snowboard PRO and would hoover over her.

Also König would be constantly surrounded by animals, the kind that would find a trash panda and keep it lol.

Soap is lactose intollerant and I would be more than happy to be complicit in buying whatever triggers it the worst.

Sending Glitter Fart bombs to Shepard on a weekly basis, hiding em in different places every time.

Soap and my horse would be 200% guaranteed accidents, the dumb kind of accidents. The kind you're afraid to explain to the doctor.

What happened? Well the horse rolled and got stuck and I tried to help and also go stuck. We were stuck together for 3 hours. Played a few games of tic tac toe

I'd go ice skating with Gaz and watch him use one of those children trollies for balance while twirling around him.

Fart spray on Ghost's balaclavas (all of them)

I'd oil up all handles in Alejandro's house. The door knob, the fridge, the toilet seat his car keys, nothing is safe

Ask Laswell if I could do her nails to practice on her.

Soap would end up asking if I could do his toe nails bc he was interested but didn't want to walk around with one inch claws. so he gets one inch toe nails aahahahah

I'd take all of em to my town's fare bc I think they would hella enjoy it (I'd find a children's carousel for Ghost and sit him on a swan with cotton candy in hand and keep him there and happy)

Rammstein living room concerts with König (and maybe Ghost?)

Ghost is the one I'd ask to bring me toilet paper if I ran out.

Après-Ski with alcohol intus would be ironically the SHIT with König. Also Soap and Alex would party along too.

I'd take em all to Mallorca's Ballermann just for shits

König was on skiers by the time he turned 3, also he can climb and boulder like a pro AND is a "Wetterfrosch".

Drunk Price on a mechanical bull would be the most epic, sexy and terrifying experience for any of the 141.

Black pist tour club in Arosa Lenzerheide would be König (Ski), Alex (Snowboard), Ghost (Snowboard, he has one with skull faces on it and all that jazz), Price (also Snowboard according to my bestie, I'd say more ski tho)

Gaz *would* try to follow them down on skis and probably say "jesus take the wheel" the whole time. He'd end up down in the valley either on the skis or on his ass.

Soap would end up as one big snowball down in the valley and be the first to yapp about going down again.

König is pro at ski lifts, while Ghost is the most annoying and PESTERING guy there, would leave one out and the fail to take the next one while bitching his way to the front of the cue.

Price would be constantly pissing, just. whenever you leave him out of sight, he is going to piss.

The reason for their substantially sized collection of wet wipes is that Whenever Alejandro, Rodolfo or Farah cook, Price (who is the biggest fan of their food) will excuse himself politely exacrly 20 minutes after setting down his cuttlery and vanish to the closest rest room.

That particular rest room will be off limits for the comming days after he finished his business. (legend has it, that Ghost once walked in accidentally and came back out a changed man for the worse).

Didnt think this would end up being half a ski resort fanfic but here we are.

[megabuild]

prev baldetho truther . To me. My canon. he either shaved that shit or he has a receding hairline. Maybe. Maybe im completely wrong tho, who knows. He could be a minxy little silverfox with a bit of tantalizing white streak on dat natural meadow. Maybe he cuts his own hair and its short as fuck.

receding hairline is real ill give you that i want him to face reveal and have a forehead big enough that we can play tic tac toe on it

[anxious-alyssia]

do you have a memory you think back to occasionally that you cringe or laugh at?

Yes! There are many-

I laugh at that one time I was washing lettuce and poured bleach instead of vinegar cuz my ADHD ass wasn't paying attention

I cringe at that one time in first grade when my crush at the time was helping me with math homework, and one of his friends came up to him asking for a piece of paper so they could play a game of tic-tac-toe. I had a bunch of paper in my desk, so I took out a piece and offered it to him cuz I though he'd like smth other to do other than sit there and watch me try to figure out whatever the fuck 3x6 was. My crush (I think his name was Denis or some shit) saw me offering the paper and said "No, I'm not making you a-" (whatever it was kids were making then- paper planes, boats, etc, whatever) and I tried to say that that's not what it was for but he cut me off and said "Focus on your math" and... I can't tell the rest of that memory qwq

[pesterloglog]

Autoresponder, Dirk Strider, Jane Crocker

Act 6, page 4553-4563

TT: Bro.

TT: What are you doing.

TT: It seems you are zoning out again.

TT: What happened to all these actual responsibilities you were going to take seriously?

TT: I was thinking about what to do.

TT: Strategizing. Factoring contingencies. You know how it is.

TT: It seems to me you were dwelling within your dream awareness at the expense of your waking business again.

TT: I don't think you're as awesome a multi-tasker as you like to think. You know you kind of zombie the fuck out on this side when you get all contemplative on that side.

TT: Appearances are deceptive.

TT: I'm still in control here. Just doing this human thing we call "chilling out for half a goddamn minute."

TT: I say y'all are overestimating your mind's capability to run shit in parallel.

TT: What do you think you are? A machine?

TT: No dude.

TT: I already deployed a variety of mechanical avatars dedicated to that self-aggrandizing fantasy.

TT: You have the incredible privilege of getting to be one of them.

TT: That's right. I am a machine, and therefore I can keep like billions of calculations or whatever all humming away at once.

TT: I tackle shit in background processes that you could only dream of wrapping your exquisite looking head around, even on a great hair day.

TT: You know pi?

TT: What, you mean the number?

TT: Yes, the number. The big circle number, genius.

TT: I knew you meant the fucking number, my question was a joke.

TT: I know your question was a joke, my response was a joke.

TT: Yeah, I know that. I'm practically you, dumbass. All these things we're saying are jokes, including this fuckin' useless clarification.

TT: What about pi?

TT: Yeah, the thing is, I solved it.

TT: What do you mean you solved it?

TT: I mean that's what a hotshot I am. I fuckin' solved it.

TT: Like, calculated it so much, I got to the end.

TT: Bullshit.

TT: You wish it was bullshit. The last number is 4. Read it and fucking weep.

TT: It's not 4 you jackass, it's fucking nothing. There is no end.

TT: Said the smug organic matter with a lifespan.

TT: Look, I know you're just fucking with me because for some reason I decided to program my own personal troll three years ago, but this shit was proven.

TT: Actually demonstrated with unassailable mathematics, like a long ass time ago.

TT: Well, I just assailed it. It wasn't even that hard.

TT: Like I just kept hacking those digits so furiously with my sick 'rithms, the whole goddamn number just cried uncle.

TT: I kind of wore it out, and it just gave up. Sort of like I overloaded the system.

TT: You know like in the old movie when Ferris Bueller got the nuclear computer to play tic-tac-toe against itself so hard, it blew up?

TT: This is laughable. It's a totally elementary thing. I'm pretty sure an ancient Greek guy settled shit about irrational numbers. It was practically when math was invented.

TT: Sure, it was settled, and then some roboshades came along and owned that fucker posthumously.

TT: I also figured out all the prime numbers too.

TT: No, not having this conversation.

TT: Did it while we were talking just now. Got to the end.

TT: And you know what? The last one isn't even that big. Kinda dissapointed, to be honest.

TT: What is even a prime number?

TT: Are they the, like... really, really choice ones? The sweetest numbers?

TT: You lost me, supercomputer.

TT: This is what I'm saying. I put your ability to keep plates spinnin' on sticks to insane amounts of shame.

TT: I don't even sleep.

TT: Neither do I.

TT: I know that, that was the fucking joke.

TT: Holy shit, turns out joking was the basis for my response too.

TT: Aren't these ironic "you don't get the joke" conversations we have always just so awesome? <- A joke.

TT: Ha ha, nice one.

TT: Anyway, all I'm saying is you can leave some of the heavy lifting to me now and then.

TT: I'll keep that in mind.

TT: In the meantime, I have to contact Jane and warn her Roxy might try to pull that pointless stunt.

TT: So, thanks for snapping me out of my daydream so I could do that, I guess?

TT: Looks like you're pulling your weight already.

TT: See? Maybe that was my whole point in having this conversation.

TT: Your point was to fuck with me, like it usually is.

TT: My point was to point out you've got multi-self management issues, dude.

TT: Jugglin' too many selves for being not-software.

TT: My point was also to fuck with you.

TT: Also,

TT: My point was to ask,

TT: Are you really going to go through with it today?

TT: What?

TT: The Jake thing.

TT: Oh god.

TT: Will you just,

TT: Hold on.

TT: Let me deal with the Jane thing first.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: I should probably warn you.

GG: About what?

GG: Yet another exploding game trap?

TT: Well shit.

TT: She already sent it?

GG: Yes.

GG: But to be fair, she warned me not to run it.

TT: That's weird.

[CONTINUED PREVIOUSLY]

TT: How is the Jane thing going?

TT: Not well.

TT: Roxy already destroyed her computer.

TT: Maybe if you weren't spacing out so hard you could have prevented that.

TT: Just saying.

TT: As if you're actually concerned. If you were, you could have said something to Jane instead.

TT: Almost like you enjoy sitting back and watching what happens when shit goes wrong.

TT: Has it occurred to you that maybe I have diabolical interwoven plans just like you?

TT: You're not the only one who can pull strings.

TT: So this is either another bizarre instance of AI-driven irony, or you are admitting that you are actively trying to sabotage my plans.

TT: No, our plans are not in contradiction or competition, bro.

TT: You'll see.

TT: Whatever.

TT: This means I'll have to improvise.

TT: I'll take over as Crocker's server while Lalonde cleans up her act.

TT: Yes, I know.

TT: Why are you still talking in red, by the way?

TT: Roxy thinks it looks good on me.

TT: I don't have many opinions on fashion since I am a cold, emotionless automaton who also happens to be an accessory of fashion, but I think she may be right.

TT: Are you still talking to her?

TT: I was for a while. I may yet again.

TT: Why are you blocking me from viewing the transcripts?

TT: What the fuck are you two even talking about?

TT: You, mostly.

TT: That doesn't really sit well with me.

TT: I'd almost rather you both engaged in "ironic" flirtation.

TT: Who says we don't do that too?

TT: Ugh.

TT: I don't get what is even your problem with that.

TT: Because you obviously do it just to piss me off.

TT: How do you know?

TT: You don't know me, dude. You don't know anything about me.

TT: Maybe we are perfect for each other. I, a street-smart, fast-talking application with a fuckzillion IQ trapped in a pair of triangular sunglasses that literally only the Japanese could consider to embody the Platonic ideal of "cool," and she, an oft-inebriated lonely hacker teen who just wants a boyfriend. I ran the numbers on this, trust me. It's a match made in goddamn crackpair heaven.

TT: I give her what you can't, and that just drives you crazy. Just admit it.

TT: See, it's lines like that which make it obvious your only intent is to jerk me around. Nobody actually says shit like that and is serious about it.

TT: It's also obvious because you're me, and I'm sure I would be constantly fucking with my own head if I were you.

TT: Touché.

TT: Or should I say douché?

TT: You shouldn't say the former, and you should definitely, never, under any circumstance, say the latter.

TT: Ok.

TT: We really should talk about the Jake thing.

TT: Fine.

TT: Now do me a favor and hop off the couch.

GG: Ok.

GG: What are you doing?

TT: Makin' room for something big.

[CONCLUDED PREVIOUSLY]

TT: So you're going through with it then?

TT: Today is the day?

TT: It's not that simple.

TT: It's a very dynamic situation with many moving parts, and I'm waiting for it to unfold.

TT: If the right opportunity presents itself, yes, I could envision myself taking action.

TT: Dynamic situation with many moving parts?

TT: That's the shittiest erotic excerpt I ever read.

TT: Which one of us was supposed to be the robot again?

TT: Shut up.

TT: I think you're being coy with me.

TT: Don't you?

TT: Not really.

TT: It seems there is a 3.14159...4% chance you aren't being coy with me. Are you being coy with me, Dirk?

TT: I am seriously going to go into your program and remove that particular speech pattern from your routines.

TT: It stopped being funny about two seconds after I coded it.

TT: The compiler even flagged it with a warning.

TT: "WARNING ON LINE WHATEVER: Dirk, this isn't fucking funny."

TT: I think you have this whole blueprint in your head about how it's all supposed to go.

TT: He acts as your server player and brings you into the session.

TT: Then later he joins the game.

TT: Maybe he finds himself a bit overwhelmed by it all.

TT: No extra lives left or anything. Suddenly he's backed into a corner, surrounded by monsters and out of ammo. SUBSTANTIAL vulnerabilities up in here. The kind that make a guy question what he believes about himself.

TT: When who shows up to save him? None other than his dashing client player, +1 bitchin' pair of shades that'll have the best seat in the house when the fireworks go off.

TT: Wait, whose fantasy were we talking about again?

TT: Your gutterball was so rowdy it catapulted into the adjacent lane.

TT: Yeah, you're right. The scenario is too pedestrian for you.

TT: It would probably be a lot more effective putting yourself in danger and letting him be the hero.

TT: That's pretty much what he wants, right? To be a cheesy action film hero, with his twin berettas and silly shorts.

TT: A man of triumph on the silver screen. Standing tall on some fucking mountain. Conquering ruins, clutching a skull, and kissing a dude.

TT: Pure Hollywood.

TT: See, this is why even if I did have a specific plan, I wouldn't go into details with you.

TT: You would just fuck it up. You're the biggest unknown quantity here.

TT: Which is pretty weird, considering you're a virtual reflection of my own thought processes.

TT: You're making a mistake not leveling with me.

TT: I am totally on your side, man.

TT: All of my machinations have been devised with your interests in mind.

TT: And anyway, it's too late for you to play "damage control" with me. My shit is in motion, and now we're beyond the pail.

TT: Pretty sure it's pale.

TT: Is it, now?

TT: You know, considering your lectures about dividing my concentration, you seem to have no problem making a distraction of yourself.

TT: I'm trying to operate here.

TT: It's cool, man. Just say the word, I'll back off.

TT: But like I said, I'm on your side here. I can help.

TT: Here, check it out.

TT: Dude, what are you doing?

TT: I'm proposing a distraction.

TT: See, I'm just gonna dangle one of her dad's ridiculous dancing figurines in the air like this and get his attention.

TT: Ok, if you want to help that's cool, but we should try to agree on some shit first before you hijack the controls like this.

TT: Then when his back is turned she can run to the study.

TT: Yeah, that's fine, but I already had a plan sorta like this, if you'd actually let me do it.

TT: Can you just put the fuckin' Astaire down?

TT: Jane, now's your chance.

TT: Run!!!

GG: Wait...

GG: What?

TT: Le sign.

TT: I was going to stick the cruxtruder in the kitchen.

TT: Distract him with that.

TT: Once he follows it in, Jane can hurry into the study.

TT: Oh shit, it's Pony Pals. I guess dad saved it from the explosion or something.

TT: That beautiful bastard.

TT: Yes.

TT: Hell yes.

TT: Hell.

TT: Fucking.

TT: Yes.

GG: Oh gosh. Another large contraption!

TT: Now, Jane. Get to the computer in the study and ditch that tiara.

TT: Go go go.

GG: Okay.

GG: Say, what's with the red text, Dirk?

GG: Are you typing your most important instructions in red now?

TT: Yes.

TT: No.

GG: ...

GG: Alrighty, I am in my father's study!

GG: I have kindly asked Mr. Sebastian to hand over the reins to this silly computer shaped like a man.

GG: What now?

TT: Now you have access to a clean computer, for one thing.

TT: Soon we can get started going through the steps necessary to launch the session.

TT: Oh hell.

GG: What?

TT: Another interruption.

TT: I should step away for a moment to take this message.

TT: He's probably right, I'm distracted by too much bullshit at once lately.

GG: Who's right?

TT: Me.

TT: Jane, I'm going to leave you with the responder for a little while.

TT: Maybe he can help you get started. Think you can handle that, dude?

TT: I'm all about being able to handle that, you don't even know.

TT: I will perform an acrobatic pirouette on to the handle, wherein the handle literally represents my ability to handle that thing.

TT: Ok, got it. You and the handle are tight.

TT: We don't need a whole thing about this.

TT: Once I stick the landing on the handle like a champ, I am going to get down on one knee, pull out a ring, and propose to it.

TT: The handle I mean.

TT: Ok.

TT: Implying we will be married.

GG: :B

TT: Ok, long story short, you and the handle fuck gratuitously. Nuff said.

TT: Try not to say I never gave you any responsibilities, or never took you seriously as a viable conscious being with free will.

TT: Also, please try not to make me regret this.

TT: You have nothing to worry about. Go talk to the alien.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

[z479]

"You don't need to threaten me. I've literally done nothing but cooperate with you."

Pursing his lips his tongue sticks out. He's done literally nothing! Well. Not to them at least.

"CA...."

He pauses. Someone else had told him to call them that. Could they be the same person? He didn't get a good enough look to actually see what the hell they looked like in the scuffle.

"I... Yeah. That's fine. CA it is. I never really paid a lot of attention to what he was saying anyway, so this works just fine."

"My head is fine. Just a dull ache. Unless you got an ice pack, we're shit out of luck for making it feel any better. If you untied me we could play a game or something. Tic Tac Toe. Something. You've got to be as bored as I am, don't you? Even if it's not been that long there's nothing to do here..."

"He deserved it. I just gave him an eye for an eye...and then some more but STILL, deserved. I have nothing against you, so far."

They sit down in front of him.

"Cali...yes, though I kinda slipped there, they don't like giving their name out like that...say, you seem like a nice reasonable dude, I guess...they like going by CA unless they tell you otherwise, how about you forget the other name and just call them CA? Noooot sure what questions they'll ask when they get back, but just answer them okay? We have nothing against you, after we get our answers we'll see what we do with you. No plans to hurt you so far at least. Entirely depends on you though. Doesn't matter right now, pretty sure that'll take a bit anyways, for now, you're here stuck with me, how's the head by the way? I got more medkits."