#I AM NOT FINEEEEEEE
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I’m sad. I lost my pencil. Now I can’t draw. :(
#LABDNWIJEJJEKWBSJWHSNDJDNDNSNEKAJSKWJ#I AM NOT FINEEEEEEE#TMRW IS LEGEND’S BIRTHDAY#LWHSMKWNZKEJMSJAMEHNSJDKD#ACKKKKKKKKKKKKMMKKK#sad#i’m so tired#i try so hard#yet I fail#:( sigh
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#my armmmmmmmm is killing meeeee but its fineeeeeee#doomed time loop lover fnatic 🧡#i too am living several lifetimes per day#the sad/quiet love songs playlist is going soooooo hard todag#today
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man c'mon
#even when you're asleep you're still giving us brain fog? alright#I'm calling in the twins to beat your ass up i canNOT deal right now. sorry not sorry#pk;m Stan👓#fids i love you but holy fucking shit get it together man it's FINEEEEEEE EVERYTHING IS FINE!#*I WANT TO CLARIFY THAT DIPPER AND MABEL'S ROLE HERE IS MILD FORCED DISSOCIATION WHICH COUNTERACTS BRAIN FOG.#*I AM NOT TELLING THEM TO ACTUALLY BEAT ANYONE UP FOR NO REASON DON'T WORRY fjdnsjcjdjsjf
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the sensible part of my brain is like maybe I should fess up to my doctor at the appointment tomorrow and the part of my brain that got me into this mess in the first place is like no absolutely cannot do that until it's got bad enough it should have got stitches again (but unless I hit a vein I am not going to get stitches)
#still on hiatus and shall return probably in the morning or afternoon so not checking notes or anything - i SEE those 25 dm notifications-#i just wanted to ramble somewhere I'd find it later lolol#personal#tw sh#puddleglum hours#I also want to kill myself but that's separate lol#am I in the middle of the worst self harm patch of my life so far? almost. if i go as deep as i have before then i definitely will have#and there are details about this that are arguably more concerning as well but i won't ramble about htem#tw suicide#<- for a couple of tags ago not for the last one#anywayyyyyye im fineeeeeee and nia if you see this i need you to come yell at me to stop taking myself so seriously lol#where by 'fine' i mean 'it's not even 8pm and i have harmed myself six separate times already today each time upwards of four cuts and i#will probably harm again later tonight bc thats how it goes atm'#once again reiterating nobody call the cops#anyway! i started writing patience yesterday so yay#and the hiatus has been helpful and will help me in then moving forward to allocate my time more wisely lollllll
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My brother is on vacation in Japan but returning soon so of course I had to use this once in a lifetime opportunity to perhaps get some physical media that might be impossible to get otherwise, so I asked him to visit Tower Records and sent him my wishlist and today he sent me a photo of a whole bag from the store and now I'm wondering if I'm in fact insane for zooming in on the photo and trying to see if the bag is in fact even a bit transparent and if I can make out what at least the one record in the very front is. I guess I could just ask him what he got since I'm so impatient and starved for anything positive to think about, so now my plight is whether I ask him now and ruin the exciting suprise of learning it in person, or spend who knows how many more days without knowing. There's only one thing I can be maybe sure of which is that he sent me a quick video too from his visit two days earlier where I could see that they had what appeared to be Sparks self-titled on vinyl (ONE OF THE TOP ONES ON MY WISHLIST) so unless someone grabbed it in the 2 days since I can expect that one..... But overall yeah this is huuuge but also at this moment I'm kind of dying over here because of this
#goosepost#ok back to listening to hippo and crying over how lonely i am. i mean whatever nothing's wrong actually haha#it's fineeeeeee#trying to get excited over sonething that i would have been absolutely on cloud nine about#back when i was still able to experience emotions semi-normally#so like even just a couple months ago. what the fuck happened that lead me to this point
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maybe I just need a nap and I'll be fine
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i bought an arceus model kit :)
#clai speaks#i'm going for a job interview in a little bit so i was like. i will treat myself#bought it with a gift card its fineeeeeee (i am going to be so financially irresponsible if i get this job /j)
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hey i think being bored is doing something to me.
#eli.txt#as in i am having Bad Thoughts#'i could be doing that' 'i could be doing this' 'i could be smarter' shut up ur fine. ur fineeeeeee
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Real real 😔
Think about it bro
#dead plate#manon vacher#dan myeong-hoon#WHY ARE THEY SO FINEEEEEEE#they took the L too litteraly ��#racheldrawsthis#ruh roh i am bi#married in red
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Oop asking for things I need. Shaking.
#raine lives#oh buddy oh boy am I realizing how much being a middle child has fucked me up inside#it’s fineeeeeee#it’s fine#everything’s gonna be fine#probably not gonna sleep tonight but it’s fineeeeee#someone text me tomorrow at like noon to make sure I haven’t disappeared into the woods to become a tree spirit lmao
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I need to get some fuckin weed to fall asleep i Can Not keep doing this shit its 2 am ill be lucky if im asleep at 3:30
#uhhhh tags might become a vent depenging on my much i ramble#ok like maybe some other fucking sleep medication sedative or whatever theyre fuckng called. I kinda just want weed tho#ive been doing this every fuckin night recently why the fuck cant i get over shit#and i was supposed to have therapy today (yesterday??? Technically) but theyre fucking sick its whatever im fineeeeeee#i totally didnt spend the last 10 minutes crying over the thing we wouldve fucking talked about#2 30 am and my coping playlist shes like a girlfriend to me at this point (LIKE THE ONE IWISH I WAS STILL FUCKING WITH-)#(GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. IM GONNA JUMP OFF THE FUCKING ROOF. I CANT FUCKING DO THIS. ALEXA PLAY XO BY FALL OUT BOY)#ok thats enough oversharing for tonight goodnight (hopefully) <33
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;-;
#bro not me finishing this book for class and now i want to cry holy fuck the last paragraph made me want to SOB#but my roommate and her bf are down here getting ready for him to leave it has taken a while LMAO#bruhhhhhhh what the fuck. i hate this book the fuck#why is a book for class making me feel so many things ;-;#there was one last semester too that also made me cryyyyyyyy#i liked it tho and i rly liked this book omg ;-;#but how am i supposed to do other work now i have no time for the book hangover LMAO#i wish i could read moreeeee read something and just cry ;-; everythings fine lmao#anyway time to put the feelings away and go either try to work on my coding project that idk how to do or work on one of my two stats hws#that i dont know how to do TT#and have not started TT i'm 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠 its fine everythings fineeeeeee lol#jeanne talks
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that art I just rbed linked back to this so. here I am again. and I have some Thoughts that just happened so ima share them bc. I want to
so I have two sets of thoughts. first one is actually the second I thought of while looking at this post but is smth from ~10 minutes before (re-)seeing it so. putting that first—
btw this first one is. less orv and kinda more general and personal lol (though not in terms of info and shite—I’m not doxxing myself or oversharing trauma or wtv lmao 💀)
just. the first sentence of the second paragraph here. “the moment you love a story it becomes immortal, neverending.” it reminded me of the thought process I had like ten minutes ago, that was about how just. I love stories so so much and. wait actually lemme backtrack slightly—stories are immortal so long as they’ve been told and remembered; they’re the things that carry through time, the ones we haven’t forgotten even over millennia—and that’s why I want to read them (or watch them or wtv) and why I want to write them, because I want to remember, and I want to be remembered. but then I was thinking about all the forgotten stories, and it made me sad—but then I also thought that, if they’ve been told, and people have listened, then they’ve made an impact, haven’t they? they left a mark, a portion of influence, even if seemingly not very large. and so they’re immortalized in the passage of time, in their impact, in how they affected people and their emotions and how they thought about things and did things and what things they did—that all cannot be removed from the process of time; it is there forever, and therefore is immortal.
second thought thing!! this is also kinda personal, a bit more so than the first, but also more directly orv-related lol. though it’s also a lot longer and, tbh, kinda darker, and also I think less coherent and more ramble-y so ima put it under a cut I think—
so I. I am a kdj kinnie lol—but really what I mean when I say that is that I see myself in him, and himself in me—but it’s like looking into the deep end of a pool from a shallower area, and it’s like you somehow swam to where you are from somewhere nearer to that deep end without realizing you were doing so most of the time. looking back and realizing now how you’d been drowning without being aware, having not even ever really taken a breath of air, or not enough of them to get the taste of it, and not enough to miss it—and all the points where you finally caught a lungful of it, but also where you were thrown deeper, and the pain burning in your lungs screaming for air that wasn’t within reach—seeing now how you’ve found close companions along the way and helped each other in your journey, if even just as motivation to chase each other and continue onwards most of the time—and knowing how some days and some weeks and sometimes months you still slip deeper, you trip, your head goes beneath the surface, and you flounder.
but you see all this. and you look back. and you see another. and they look just like you, and their path is quite similar, but more ragged, and deeper, further beneath the surface most of the time, shoved there by forces he couldn’t control. and you want to reach out, to guide him gently along to reach where you are now, but you can’t reach him, can’t touch him, can speak to him no matter how hard you try. so all you can do is hope for his sake.
I think I also still see his flaws in myself, the habits we share that I curse him for and yet, hypocritically, still persist in—and yet we are also different in not just overall scope and depth of the ‘water’ we’re trapped in, but how far we’ve come and how much we’ve changed—I kin Kim Dokja because he reminds me of myself, yet the recognition of our similarities leads me further and further from him, ironically.
so I think what I’m saying, in relation to the original post, is that Kim Dokja has helped to teach me how to drag myself along and continue to live, but largely in how he’s taught me not to do so, or rather, called attention to things I’ve already learned not to do for that…and people may say that then it doesn’t make sense for me to kin him, as he is a cautionary tale to me—which would make sense, except he isn’t such; all that most separated the circumstances and occurrences of his life from mine were just that—circumstances set up by incidents which he had no control over, not really, things that could happen to anyone but happened to all happen to him—a collection of tragedies set up by chance.
orv and its core message being: live, even if you must claw your way out of the grave and even if you must burn every page of this book to keep you warm. you can consume us to sustain you through the winter and we will still be there when spring arrives.
the moment you love a story it becomes immortal, neverending. take it. take all of it. we don't mind.
#wow that was NOT coherent esp in the second part and defo got more personal than I thought it would lol (not too much though I think—I hope)#but heyyyy it’s fineeeeeee#i hope the vague ideas/notions I alluded to here can make their way across to someone somehow#if anyone bothers to read that massive amount of text lmao rip 💀#I’d attempt to make it more concise and coherent and less ramble-y but I am v tired right now#anyway uh.#orv#orv spoilers#ish??? I don’t really refer to any#but I suppose ru does so. well. yeah#omniscient reader’s viewpoint#omniscient reader#oh yeah btw I finished orv a few weeks ago#nearly a month ago actually—afternoon of 6/26#it was so. it’s so. it’s so lovely and precious and beautiful and perfect and I love it so much
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Officially going crazy how's your weekend going
#i just straight up stalked someone on Instagram as in i didn't even know their full name but i found them#and now that I've found them im crying bc they're actually real (yes we met in person but it felt fake)#it feels good to cry tbh I haven't done that it a while but#I DON'T ENJOY THIS ONE BIT WHY AM I LIKE THIS#luckily they had a private profile im so grateful like yes babe do not let me escalate please#whyyYyYyYYY am i insane thouuugh everything was supposed to be fineeeeeee#in my mastermind era (we are literally never going to see each other ever again)#'why are you posting this' in two months i want to read this back and LAUGH okay???? i plan to LAUGH about it
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i saw this trend on twitter of people editing these glasses on different people so of course i jumped at the opportunity to put this random png of glasses on daryl and AHHHHH why am i so obsessed with it😭😭 HE LOOKS SO FINEEEEEEE like please sedate me
#HES SO FINE IN GLASSES UGH#im so crazy rn#daryl dixon#twd#twd daryl#the walking dead daryl#daryl dixon imagine#daryl dixon drabbles#daryl dixon smut#daryl dixon fanfic#daryl dixon fanfiction#the walking dead imagine#daryl dixon imagines#daryl twd#twddaryl#daryl dixon twd#the walking dead daryl dixon#daryl dixon edit#daryl edit#daryl dixon the walking dead#daryl#daryl dixon fluff#daryl dixon headcanon#twd daryl dixon#twd drabbles#twd fanart#twd fanfics#twd fanfiction#twd imagine#thewalkingdead
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hiii talia!!! so much cheers and congrats on 200!!
for ur celly can i pleasee req dabi for this one ? HEHE THANK U!!
CASTLE ARCHITECTS ; send me a character and i’ll write a fluff drabble about building sandcastles together!
𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⛱️ castle architects ; touya todoroki
⊱ cw ; gn reader ( no pronouns mentioned), fluff, drabble so a bit short!
⊱ a/n ; RUEEEEE HIII THANK U SO MUCH!!! of course anything for u!!! had so much fun writing this ❗️❗️ made it more like a trip with the whole family but spending time with touya alone,,, i feel like its way too cute like this! let me know if you’d like any changes !
⊱ masterlist , event navigation
“touya!” you shout, laughing despite your frustration as he smirks, having knocked over yet another tower of your sandcastle. he shrugs with feigned innocence, like he’s an angel with a halo above his head. “what? I thought it needed a remodel.” you roll your eyes at him, “i’m going to remodel that brain of yours because it clearly doesn’t seem to be working best right now” he stuck his tongue out at your remark as you raised your brows and crossed your arms. “you either help rebuild or i’m calling natsou to help me instead.” he practically huffs like a baby at the mention of his brother, glancing over to where natsuo is “play fighting” with shoto, dunking his younger brother’s head in and out of the water amid a fit of laughter.
You nudge his leg, which is sprawled out with the sandcastle in the middle “close your legs and fix your posture before you get stuck looking like the letter C for the rest of your life touya” a grunt escapes him, making you roll your eyes. “such a baby you are.” “am I your baby?” he quips. you blinked. “not if you don’t rebuild the tower you just knocked off” “fineeeeeee… okay..” you can’t stay mad for long, though, especially when he scoots closer, finally deciding to help you rebuild. the two of you work together, his occasional sassy comments earning him a slap on the nape. when the sandcastle is finally done, you both stand up to admire it as you take pictures like a proud parent. your boyfriend glances to you and gives you the most sinister smile you believe a man can ever plaster on his face. you sigh, already knowing you won’t be able to say no as he took your hand in his and kicked the sandcastle down with you.
it was a fun day, to say the least—though the sand between your toes and all over your legs makes you question your conclusion.
I MESSED UP THE BORDERS forgive me….. 😓😓
#talia’s 200 event#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#touya todoroki#todoroki touya#toya todoroki#todoroki toya#todoroki#touya#toya#dabi#dabi x reader#touya todoroki x reader#toya todoroki x reader#touya x reader#toya x reader#todoroki x reader#dabi todoroki#dabi todoroki x reader#boku no hero academia x reader#mha x reader#my hero academia x reader#my hero academia x you#boku no hero academia x you#mha x you#bnha x you#bnha x reader#mha fluff#dabi x you
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