#I AM LEGIT CRYING AND I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT IN 10 MINUTES

[le-panda-chocovore]

I'm on the way to my dentist appointment and I thought about SatoSugu (as usual). And I have no idea what the fuck was wrong with my brain but I imagined if Suguru arrived to the Cult's place after Shoko healed him and found Satoru's body near Riko's. Like, what if Satoru didn't manage to understand the reverse cursed technique and really died ? What if Suguru lost his one and only ? What if Toji really won ?

I immediately started crying on the street (and I'm still trying to stop the tears) because WHY WOULD I THINK ABOUT THAT ??

[paralien]

Stupid stupid ADHD vent that’s gonna be full of typoes bc I’m not going through this again once its written

But like, I just watched this ADHD TikTok that made me want to cry; not bc it was bad no no no no it was so fucking accurate that it actually made me str8 up upset and now I kinda feel like I wanna have a lil meltdown over it but that’s also just str8 up other stress that’s also piling up and getting worsened by the fact that that TikTok upset me but, but anyways.

She was like, talking and crying about the fact that like, so many people w/o adhd dont get that its not like a stupid lil haha I’m distracted diagnosis and that its a diagnosis bc it fucks up your life like with time blindness which is what she was talking abt as being her issue and its also my no 1 issue too. Bc like w her like, she’d lost her passport before Christmas and she knew that she and her family were gonna fly in may and she needed a passport and her family had been reminding her since she lost it but she hadn’t done it before like. Now she was freaking out bc it takes like 6-8 weeks for a passport to arrive and she didn’t have time and she was scrambling to figure out how to get it faster and get the appointments done and everything and all her family said was like, “you should have done this back when you first lost it instead of waiting until the last minute” like it was an act of laziness that kept her from not getting a new one and not like, time blindness and task paralysis that’s like. Legit serious fucking stuff that’s hard as hell to deal with.

And I like, felt myself get more and more upset along w her bc I’m always in trouble bc of my task paralysis/time blindness bc me getting stuff done on time is like, a 1/10 event, and people are always upset w me bc I either never arrive on time or get stuff on time which! Makes sense! I’m not saying they’re not allowed to be upset because they are if I’m delaying stuff. Shit doesn’t exist in a vacuum. But it’s like,

It’s kinda like how I’ve had ADHD my entire life, obv, but I didn’t get the diagnosis before I was 21 after having fought to get one for 3 years and I finally got it like, 2 months before I was done w vocational college (where I barely passed in any of my subjects, haha guess why) and like, now both my parents are pretty understandable of the fact that I can’t be on time for things, and whenever we do something where they pick me up/I gotta be there they always help me make sure we have a plan B in place (like if I have to catch a ferry) or if they’re picking me up they always say they’re gonna be here before they will bc they know now that no matter how hard I try I’m always gonna be probably 5-10 min delayed so we have a failsafe in place which. Nice. I’m 24. Glad we have that in place now (I am I am I am that they’re more understanding w me) but like, obv, I didn’t get the diagnosis before I wa already outta the house and in student accommodations and even after I got it it was a lot of trail and error etc but, what I’m trying to say is, that being a kid was hell because I never did anything on time, couldn’t do things, and obv they got frustrated with me (dad much more so than mom but, i digress) bc I was never ready when we were supposed to go places, never did my homework, never focused in school and like. I’m not old by any means but back when I was a kid it was still a common consensus that like, adhd was a boys thing and girls didn’t get it, so i just kept getting scolded and yelled at and other things for being lazy and and not caring abt anything and now like, my parents laugh abt it like wow you really did have adhd huh <3 like yeah!! I did!! No shit!!

And so like, not ONLY is the time blindness and executive dysfunction still there bc I was never taught how to cope w it properly, but I also get super stressed when I’m late for things and can’t do something bc I’m just waiting to get yelled at! Or hit! Bc i can’t do things! And I should be able to do them because I’m an adult, and I can do other things, and why the hell can’t you call people and pay your bills on time and book your appointments on time it just takes 5min and! I know it probably just takes 5min! But my brain is still stuck in how there’s just now, and not now. And everything that’s not now gets forgotten or put on hold, and with everything that’s now i stress myself to death to get it down probably way too late and have to reap the consequenses and it’s gonna be the same next time too! Because I know where the issue lies but how the hell do you fix things when the issue is your fucking brain structure? And then everyone says to put down memos and do timers as if that’s some magic trick. Like yeah great advice! I’ve tried it! AM ACTIVELY trying it! But how the HELL is that supposed to help me when I’m just rooted to the spot and physically cannot MOVE to do the thing I need to do before it’s pretty much too late and the stress kicks me outta the paralysis?

It’s HELL. It’s awful and terrible and makes me wanna cry almost constantly because I KNOW it’s a problem, but knowing it’s a problem doesn’t magically fix it! And I’m constantly TRYING to work on it but it feels like it doesn’t even matter because I’m still consistently min 5min late t o everything because i don’t process time properly and i forgot to try to change an appointment before it was too late and now i need to start driving at 3am on Thursday to get to a 10am appointment at a hospital 7hrs away from my apartment because I didn’t call them to change it 2 weeks ago because i physically couldn’t or bc the second i was reminded i immediately forgot before i could even write it down. And I’m having surgery on Friday and I haven’t gotten myself set up with a physical therapist yet because it’s felt like too much to go down and talk to them face to face to get it set up and now it’s too late and I have to do it tomorrow but I’m probably gonna forget! And i hate it! I hate that I always make people hurt and frustrated w me bc i can’t remember things or do things despite being an adult.

Bc like, I can do other things just fine! I do my dishes every day it’s no problem. I clean my apartment at least once a week so the clutter doesn’t pile up. I’m always 5min late to my job but once I’m there I work quick and consistently and my boss said she’d love to have me back for the summer before my online studies start if my leg gets well fast enough. My co-workers said they’d miss me. My friends say I’m funny and stylish and a good listener (once i learn to shut up for 2 seconds.)(they don’t say that. I think that. I know it’s an issue) I’m friendly and inclusive and I do my best to be enthusiastic abt the things people around me love, but I feel like it never shows that I’m trying or that I care bc I’m always late. And i never do things on time. And I’m forgetful and messy and i loose things.

… ADHD is scary, and frustrating and yeah sure it’s funny at times when you know me and you see me loose my phone 5 times in a row in the exact same spot. But, I hate knowing that people don’t think I care or don’t think I try when I’m trying so hard all the time but it’s never enough bc things never get done on time. I overthink even the simplest of tasks because the steps feel like too much and they never get done bc of it. 5min tasks will take me weeks. And I’m trying I’m trying I’m trying so hard. But I’m scared it doesn’t show and that scares me. I don’t know where I was going w this. I’m just stressed out.

[brennacedria]

I posted 3,130 times in 2022

That's 1,909 more posts than 2021!

538 posts created (17%)

2,592 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@brennacedria

@nocturnal-belta

@meyerlansky

@thessalian

@thebearmuse

I tagged 2,408 of my posts in 2022

Only 23% of my posts had no tags

#queen queuesland - 1,355 posts

#dragon age - 271 posts

#star wars - 138 posts

#cats - 130 posts

#bren does life - 92 posts

#bren's cats - 67 posts

#bren's pics - 61 posts

#fashion - 60 posts

#dracula daily - 39 posts

#star wars spoilers - 38 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#technically they're both half tuxedo half siamese but the black one took only the color from their dad and she's siamese in every other way

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

fr, please send every form of well-wishes you guys believe in this morning. I will accept prayers, spells, supportive pats-on-the-back, comforting hugs, offers of kittens, idk, anything else you guys can think of. I am, please god willing, getting this damned iud out, and there's apparently no local for it except maybe that cold spray that "numbs" things but it didn't do anything getting the iud in but sure why not that's a legit tactic.

I've taken my advil (my doctor of nursing nurse practitioner swears 800 ib works better in this situation than oral toradol, which yeah better than ORAL toradol but not a shot of it so wtf srsly), and I'm going to take my muscle relaxer in about 30 minutes, I guess, so it's at its peak when I get to my appointment. then, when I get there I take my ativan and oh yeah it's the most painful thing I've had done short of actual fucking surgery but sure why not.

anyway yeah, thoughts and prayers and everything else, please, just not the political kind like actual thoughts and prayers

44 notes - Posted October 24, 2022

#4

Sorry but I'm having a lot of Kino Loy feelings rn

47 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

#3

Predictably dragon age

Morrigan. Always and forever, no matter how many others come and go. Just concept art had me interested in the game, and finding out Claudia Black voiced her immediately convinced me to get it. I couldn't afford it at launch, but I still got it entirely because of her.

Here, have some art @chenria did of her as a surprise gift for my birthday one year after sending an almost identical, tho anonymous, ask.

83 notes - Posted March 30, 2022

#2

No not me crying at the 10th anniversary episode of Welcome to Night Vale

785 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

there are many benefits to being a marine biologist

956 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[theultimatepumpkinpie]

Setting up psychiatrist/therapist appointments is the worst because they always ask the STUPIDEST questions. "What's the primary concern?" Uh I'm fucking crazy have been my whole life and I need you to tell social security that so they'll help me pay my bills and I can't go to any of my old doctors because I'm on state insurance now because I can't work and can't afford what I had before.

Like why the fuck can't they just be like "do you have a prior diagnosis" and go through with different intake procedures from there. And every fucking appointment no matter if its psych or therapist I have to go through my entire life story for the 10 billionth time and they're like "wow that's fucked up" and then fixtate on something stupid instead of actually helping get my shit together. I also hate the way they ask if you've had "a traumatic experience" like no I haven't had a singular experience that fucked me up real good right away but since this is going to come up eventually I can tell you that I am in fact traumatized from the shear weight of everything that's ever happened to me especially these types of things that happened alot during these points in my life and you'll probably pick up on that within 10 minutes of meeting me and I really don't want to talk to random strangers during the intake process because my mom is in the room with me and she's the cause of some of these things.

Also they never fucking read the intake papers EVER. Idk if they even ever look at it because you always have to go through every single detail 50 fucking times with like 5 different people through the whole god damn procedure before you can get to the real meat of your problems while seeing the actual therapist/psychiatrist which you usually don't even get to until like 4 appointments in because there so much god damn information they need to know to get the whole story and they always pick apart little details before you can get the whole thing out on the table. And they (in my experience) never seem to fucking "get it". I have legit had ONE therapist out of DOZENS of clinicians of different types and different denominations that actually understood any of my problems and that's because she had a legit diagnosis and so did her kids and that's why she got into mental health in the first place. I cannot stress enough why it is so important to have people in the system who knows what it's like not only because that's the only way you can truly empathize with people about these types of issues but also because the DSM is a crock of shit and even college professors that study this shit will tell you that.

This is of course ingnoring the fact that a fuck ton of problems are caused by the system itself and every fucking other aspect of society which is what does all the real damage anyway. Most clinicians I've met wouldn't even admit that that's the case.

My god the current state of mental health care in the US is so bad it's no wonder I spend my days crying in bed and thinking about killing myself. Y'all don't know shit, don't understand shit, and don't do shit even when you actually give a shit.

[swiftdec13]

Meeting Taylor 7/27/2018

Ok... Get ready for a WILD ride.

Flashback to May 25, 2018. I flew to Denver to see Taylor with my best friend. He moved across the country after high school and we always make sure that we see a show wherever he is living at the time (he moves around a lot) and where I am, which is always Upstate, NY because I’m a homebody!!!

SO, this is where life started to take a downhill for me. Before getting on the plane, I had a panic attack and I wasn’t even sure if I was going to make it to Denver. I kept reminding myself, it’s for Taylor, you have to go, it’s for Taylor. I was SO sick the entire time in Denver from anxiety. On show night, we found out that our seats were right at the barricade that Taylor was going to walk through and naturally, I was balling my eyes out, I could NOT believe that I was going to be THAT close to Taylor. I have seen Taylor live 8 times altogether throughout the years and NEVER have I EVER been able to be standing within an arms reach of her!!!! 

The show was rough. As I mentioned before, I was feeling SO sick. At one point I legit thought I was going to have to get security to help me out BUT I kept telling myself, you are NOT missing the chance of being able to grab Taylor’s hand, NO WAY NOT HAPPENING. So it was time for her to walk through the crowd and Mitch got mine and his reaction on tape, which was actually really hysterical so I posted it on Tumblr in hopes that Taylor would see it because seriously ya’ll it was priceless. 

So, fast forward to June 15. I was laying in bed minding my own business, reblogging my posts as per usual and ALL OF A SUDDEN, my Tumblr starts BLOWING up. Taylor had liked the video of Mitch and I... not only that, she straight up LURKED me and liked 7 things, including a selfie and I DIED. I called Mitchel and was BALLING, I’m pretty sure that he thought an emergency was happening but once I told him, we were both FREAKING out, we couldn’t believe it. Taylor and I have been mutuals for like 4 years and this was the first time she properly noticed me and I was living a dream. 

Alright, fast forward again to the beginning of July. I was sitting in the movies with Mitch while he was visiting and my entire body started shaking for no reason. I could not calm it down for the life of me. It continued to shake all night and I felt SO sick. The next morning, the 4th of July actually, I told my Mom for the first time that I thought I was suffering from an anxiety breakdown. We went to on call wondering if maybe it was dehydration but, everything checked out normal. I called my Dr. straight away and the office was closed for 5 days straight. For 5 days, I laid on my couch, sicker than I have ever been in my entire life. So nauseous, my body shaking off and on, it was literal hell. I finally got to the Dr’s. and explained to her that I believed I was suffering from major anxiety that just popped up and overtook me. She agreed and I started to see a therapist and began medicine. Ok, the first night on the medicine, I about DIED, I was so sick, getting sick in the trash can, with a non stop shaking body and I was so scared. I called my Aunt and cried and told her I needed to go to the hospital. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t move, I just wanted to die. My Aunt came over the next day and we sat down with my Mom trying to figure out what to do and I went to stay with my Aunt for a week because she has been through something similar. That week, was the scariest week of my life. I couldn’t go out in public, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I felt nauseous 24/7 and all I did was cry. 

OK, FAST FORWARD AGAIN, so now I’m like 2 weeks into my medicine and the Dr. said about 10 days things should start improving but you don’t see full effects until about week 6. SO, I still feel nauseous daily and my appetite is just starting to return. It’s still difficult to go out in public and my hands pretty much shake non stop, which is really annoying. I keep making myself go out every day because I know that it will be beneficial. SO, it’s a week before the Gillette shows and I had tickets to all three nights. I knew that there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to be able to go with how sick I’ve been. I called Mitch and sadly told him that I had to call everything off, and when I say sadly, I mean, SADLY. I was so depressed. That weekend is all that I was looking forward too all summer and I wasn’t strong enough to go. Mitch being the great friend that he is only cared about my health so he understood completely. 

FAST FORWARD to Tuesday, July 24th. I was leaving my therapist appointment and ALL OF A SUDDEN, around 12:30 in the afternoon, I have a DM from Taylor Nation. SO, I try to remain as calm as possible, because, anxiety, and I called Mitchel and staying calm didn’t work out so well. I was SO sick waiting for that phone call. Around 6:45 in the evening, I got a phone call from a New York caller and I FREAKIN’ REJECTED THE CALL BY ACCIDENT. I called back over and over and left a voicemail and talk about SICK. I couldn’t sleep the entire night, and my stupid body was shaking again, and I thought that was my one chance to meet Taylor and I freakin’ BLEW IT.

SO, the next morning, Wednesday, sick as shit again, I just prayed to GOD that they called me back. A little after 11 in the afternoon, I got a call again from a New York number and it was Taylor Nation and PHEW thank you LORD. SO I gave her all of my information and she was super nice. Later that day everything was confirmed for meeting Taylor Friday and WOW what a DREAM. 

Now the nerves set in. I had no idea how I was going to survive this trip. The night before, Thursday, I was a nervous wreck. I was so sick, legit like leaning over toilet dying and I was so scared. I was just praying that somehow I could myself together because I could NOT miss this opportunity. The next morning, I was feeling pretty calm and I was READY TO MEET TAYLOR SWIFT. I picked Mitch up around 8 am and we set off to Massachusetts. As the day went on, my anxiety started popping up here and there but it was manageable, I just kept reminding myself that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity that I’ve been waiting 12 years for and my stupid anxiety was NOT going to ruin it for me.

So we had to pick up the meet and greet paper at will call between 4-5 pm on Friday. This is when the nerves really started kicking in because other people were waiting for the paper too and it just wasn’t coming and we were all freaking out. FINALLY the paper came closer to 5. So, we went through security and the paper said to ask the guards for help. I went up to a group of security guards and they kept telling me, were told there was no meet and greets for this show, where did you get this paper? I was trying to explain and the guy TOOK MY PAPER AND WALKED AWAY and I wanted to DIE. He came back and goes yea, no meet and greets, after using his walkie talkie, So, I SNATCHED THAT PAPER SO QUICK AND SAID, I’LL FIND IT MYSELF THANK YOU!!!!!

I’m FREAKING out at this point because neither Mitchel or myself know where to go or what to do and we had 20 mins. at this point to get there. I ran into amazing Tumblr people who literally ran around the stadium trying to help me. I’ll be forever grateful to that group of girls because not only did they help us find the meeting spot, they stayed with us the entire time until we went backstage reassuring me that everything would be ok. At this point, the stadium is legit SPINNING and Mitch just kept telling me to breathe and take a minute to myself.

We finally get backstage and I CANNOT BELIEVE that I’m standing inside of the REP ROOM. There was polaroid cameras that we got to use and water and sodas for us. I’m not sure how long we were in there before meeting Taylor but, it felt like a lifetime and I was slowly sinking ship. FINALLY it’s time to start lining up to meet Taylor. Mitch and I were called second. We had talked in the car about what we wanted to say, etc. and keep in mind that originally I wanted to ask Taylor to sing Change, I’ve been posting it on Tumblr for months, but I told Mitch to forget about it because I was like, she never will. Before going into REP ROOM I ran into another Tumblr Swiftie and Taylor had told her the night before that she was thinking about singing Change for Friday night and I ABOUT DIED CRYING BEFORE EVEN GOING IN TO MEET TAYLOR. I COULDN’T BELIEVE??? DID SHE SEE MY POSTS??? HOW WAS MY LUCK FALLING INTO PLACE LIKE THAT??? THIS NEVER HAPPENS IN MY LIFE.

SO, it’s our turn to go in. I pushed Mitch in first because I was legit SCARED LOL. Mitch walked in and I followed closely behind and Taylor goes, oh heyyyyy, like she knew us forever. She hugged Mitchel and then hugged me. She goes, look at you guys, you look so good, I love the snake vibes you have going on!!!! Mitchel goes, WOW you’re so tall!!!! Are you wearing heels??? Taylor laughed and was like I know right, I am so tall, but yes, I’m also wearing heels. Mitch then proceeded to remind me to give Taylor the snake ring that I had for her, mind you I have yet to say anything because I was just IN SHOCK. She is so beautiful, and WOW like in person she’s not even real??? So, I hand her the ring and she puts it on and says oh my gosh thank you so much!!!!! SO there was like an awkward silence and finally I turn to Mitch and I go, I’m going to start crying, and I turn back to Taylor and I am full on UGLY CRYING SOBBING at this point. She was looking me in the eye, like she genuinely cared about what I had to say, and I said, I’m having a really hard summer and I just wanted to thank you for wanting to meet me. Taylor goes, aw of course, and I said, I just sit and listen to Change and I know that things will get better, your music helps me so much. Taylor’s eyes, I can’t even explain her facial expression like she genuinely felt my pain and cared so much. She hugged me and she was like I’m so sorry that you’re having a hard summer, I hate hard summers. Then when she let go she goes, would you like me to sing that song for you tonight? I was like yes thank you so much... she was like yea? That would be good? I haven’t played it in like 8 years but I can make it happen. I’m still full on sobbing guys. 

She goes should we take a picture?? So we walked over to the picture spot and Mitch goes, what side Britt, and Taylor laughed and goes, yea get your good side girl. At this point I’m so zoned out, I couldn’t even remember what I did for the picture. I don’t even remember Taylor’s head leaning on mine hahaha. SO, after the picture, Taylor hugged Mitch again and then came over to me hugged me for SO LONG GUYS. Like, legit I start sobbing again over her shoulder and she was like, I hope that your summer gets better because you don’t deserve this. It will get better, because these things will change, right? and I said right... and still full on sobbing. So we said bye and I said thank you, and I honestly can’t remember what I last said. I just remember I heard Taylor like sigh, a sigh like oh my gosh, poor girl, LOL. I never even once said I love you and you mean so much to me??? What’s wrong with me!!!!

ANYWAYS, flash forward to the show. At this point, I’m really losing steam. I can feel my body so tense and so nervous and the nausea started to return but I kept telling myself, you need to make it to the surprise song, there’s NO WAY you can miss this. So, FINALLY it’s that time. I had NO idea that Taylor was going to legit CALL ME OUT ON STAGE and basically dedicate Change to me but I was full on SOBBING AGAIN. I looked around the stadium and felt like 60,000 people were telling me to keep fighting because these things will change and I can’t even describe the feeling that went through my body.

There are NO words to express how grateful I am that Taylor did all of this for me. I don’t know what I did to deserve this all but, it was worth the 12 years of standing on the sidelines wishing for that moment. I still have a long battle to fight but I’m never giving up because these things will change, can you feel it now? Thank you so much, @taylorswift this night meant SO much to me. I love you!!!

[slightlyrebelliouswriter23]

@pollyaunt @nicasiasloverr just gonna put this here so everyone can see. yes i am okay! i'm fucking pissed as hell but i'm okay.

here's how it all went down:

my intercom system is broken so i emailed the super on friday asking if i could get someone to fix it.

he immediately responded and said he'd made an appointment for me with a mechanic and asked me to confirm that the date and time would work for me.

i said yes that works.

the very attractive mechanic shows up on monday at the time i confirmed. we chat a little while he works. i make a fool of myself cos i'm flustered.

then he says he has to order another part so he can't fix it today, he'll have to come back when they get this other part. i'm like oh? another date? 👀🙈

i say "great just let me know when". he winks at me then leaves.

at this point i'm just living in a fanfic.

which is very much besides the point but this is all to say that i have ABSOLUTELY no reason to intentionally avoid this appointment.

i'll get my intercom fixed and presumably by hot mechanic guy. there's no reason i shouldn't actively be awaiting communication from someone about it.

i hear NOTHING from my superintendent.

no email, no text, no voicemail. nothing. i figure the part is just being shipped and it hasn't been that long since the first appointment. i don't think anything of it.

flash forward to this morning. two days since hot mechanic guy.

i'm in the shower. i hear a knock but since i'm in the shower with the door closed, it's very faint and i think it could be the neighbour's door.

the knocks keep happening so i'm like ...? ig it's my door but idk what you want me to do, i legit have soap in my hair and i don't know of anyone who is supposed to come by today.

i don't answer the door, thinking whoever it is will take the hint.

i get out of the shower about 10 min later, check my phone, notice i have a few notifs. two missed calls from the property manager made while i was in the shower, and a text message that reads "the mechanic is here to fix your intercom. are you home right now to let him in? if not, can the super give him access to your apartment?"

i'm standing in the middle of my apartment in a towel, hair still dripping while reading this text message for the first time, when i hear my door being unlocked.

i freeze.

i'm honestly still processing what's happening because surely the super isn't trying to come into my apartment without my express permission right? RIGHT???

very very wrong.

luckily i had the latch down so he wasn't able to open the door all the way, but this dude tries reaching inside to undo the latch as if he didn't know that was a DISGUSTING invasion of privacy or that the latch being down meant someone was home and to fuck off.

i was out of my mind LIVID so i literally shouted "DUDE WHAT THE FUCK GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY APARTMENT" and he's like "uhh hhhhh 😰" then shuts the door.

AND THEN!!!!

this bitch decides it's perfectly acceptable to start banging on the door of an audibly distressed woman as if he wasn't just basically breaking into her apartment two seconds ago.

i run to the bathroom and lock myself in cos i'm just freaked out at this point. legit NO ONE had waited to confirm ANYTHING with me, including the bit where someone was literally entering my apartment.

the banging proceeds for about five minutes before he gives up and leaves.

meanwhile, i'm sitting on the bathroom floor in my towel calling my dad and my partner and trying not to cry cos like... idk? i feel unsafe and tbh kinda violated. i'm in no state to go answer the door and have a civil conversation.

the property manager knows they did me dirty too cos i'm on the phone with my dad when i get two calls and 3 text messages from him with some bullshit about "please let the super in." "we made an appointment for 10am." "the mechanic is here he can't wait around all day"

AS IF SOMEONE HADN'T BEEN TRYING TO PHYSICALLY BREAK INTO MY APARTMENT TWO MINUTES AGO??

💀💀💀💀💀

like also bitch YOU made the appointment!!! i was never given the chance to confirm or deny my availability because no one thought to take two seconds to make sure i knew it was happening!!!

anyways that's how i learned my building management has absolutely no regard for tenant safety or consent 🤪✌️

y'all will not believe the day i have had thus far...

[serensama]

How whould the rfa react to an MC that doesn't have a driver's license and is so BAD at driving, like worst that Jumin driving 😂

Heya guys- just a little reminder that my requests are still closed- i have a back log of them (that require more intricate work/longer than 10 minutes) that have been in there for a while that I haven’t had a chance to write out for them. The only reason I’m doing this ask that I received today was the answers literally came to me in 2 minutes and will take me less than 5 minutes to answer, like a writing warm up if you will. 

Yoosung: Oh God. Oh God. We’re going to die. We’re going to die-MC: Hey this is really fun!Yoosung: Oh- no! Watch out! We’re going to die! We’re going to die!MC: I’m doing so well for never having gotten my license right? Yoosung: …. I’m going to be sick. MC: Yoosung?Yoosung: *unintelligible crying and dry heaving whilst MC laughs maniacally* Zen: …Okay so if we just take it nice and…MC: *presses foot on the accelerator and starts to drive 40kms over the speed limit.*Zen waits until they are stopped at the stop light and reaches over to pull the keys out of the ignition. The actor smiles wobbly and steps out of the passenger’s side and over to MC.Zen: Jagi- I think it’s my turn to drive now-MC: …But I’ve only driven for two minutesZen: And they were a lovely two minutes Jagiya- but I’m your Prince- let me guide your noble steed… or… Toyota… whatever. Zen picked up MC and forcibly put her in the passenger’s seat, just happy he managed to keep his cool (and his urine inside of his body.) 

Jaehee: *is the most perfect picture of calm on the outside, on the inside- she is  s c r e a m i n g* MC: Let me know if you need me to pick you up!Jaehee smiles and tells her it won’t be necessary, giving her partner a kiss on the cheek. From then on, whenever the company car is late or broken Jaehee insists that she’ll walk to work, that it’s good for her health. Yes. Good. Because she wouldn’t be dead from a heart attack if she ever had to be in a car with MC as the driver again. Jumin: So this is the first time you’ve ever driven?MC: Yes! *swerves to miss a cat… on the sidewalk… she’s driving on the sidewalk*Jumin: I see.MC: Okie dokie! That’s my 30 minutes done for today!Jumin: I am impressed my love. I particularly liked the part where we didn’t roll over and crash. Well done!*he’s legit proud of her… I mean… who is he to judge?*

Saeyoung: *they haven’t even left the garage and he’s already on edge*MC: This is so much fun! Saeyoung: *intense praying* Please Lord, you can do anything to me… just… just don’t let anything happen to my baby… MC: Oh don’t be silly ‘Young! I’m fine!Saeyoung: I WASN’T TALKING ABOUT YOU I WAS TALKING ABOUT MY CAR!  MC: *smiling wickedly as she weaves in and out of traffic at a ridiculous speed*Saeran: *watching on with the most uninterested, deadpan expression on his face.*MC: *pulling over* So! How did I do?Saeran:… That… That was so much fun! MC: I KNOW RIGHT?!Saeran: Now… it’s my turn!MC: Wait… you… you don’t know how to drive a car?Saeran: NoMC: But… you were meant to be the one supervising me…Saeran: And I did. Now it’s your turn to supervise me. Now I noticed that you tried to avoid hitting the things on the road… wouldn’t it be more fun if we tried hitting them instead?MC: THIS ISNT A DODGEM CAR SAERAN!Saeran:… Damn. V: …. doesn’t know there’s anything wrong. He’s pretty dang blind at this point and trusts MC so implicitly that he just lays back and enjoys the ride. He doesn’t seem to notice all the constant car honking that happens when she drives or the muffled screams of the horrified pedestrians as she narrowly misses them… He does however notice that they always manage to make their appointments early and always compliments MC on her driving. 

[wanderbitesbybobbie]

REAL TALK: Inside a Bipolar Mind Amidst a Pandemic

Three nights ago, I sent an e-mail to my psychiatrist. The e-mail went this way…

Hi, Dra. Belle. How are you? I hope you’re doing well and good and most of all healthy. I’m doing OK, with all the Covid 19 things happening. I just had 1 breakdown so far which I would really like to discuss with you on our next consult if there’s any slot available. I was scheduled for April 6 appointment, but if there’s any slot left for May, I would gladly take it. I’m not that anxious at the moment as I’ve been trying to avoid stressful news. Over all, I’m OK, except that I find it really hard to sleep again. Probably because I’m just at home, and I don’t have that much activities compared to my usual routine. I do cardio exercises, I write a lot for my blog, but because there’s longer time to rest, I really find it hard to sleep at night. I keep waking up with the body twitches again, and because of lack of sleep I’m usually irritable. I badly need to take Clonotril again. However, I can’t seem to find your latest prescription of Clonazepam (Clonotril), I’m not sure if there was one issued last March. I tried to show Mercury Drug the Feb 3 prescription which has been unused, but they said it’s already expired. They said, they will accept E-Prescription, so I have to ask my doctor for it. May I please request another copy of the prescription for Clonazepam? I still have my Quetiapine prescription and I was able to use it, I just dunno where I placed the Clonazepam. I know you always hand me 2 prescriptions every time. 1 for Quetiapine and 1 for Clonazepam. I’m just not sure if I misplaced the other one, or if I forgot to get a prescription for it last time. If it’s possible, please send it here on my e-mail. I only have 1 left in my stash and I’m a bit panicking because I can’t find the latest prescription. I attached here the photo of the February prescription. Thank you so much. Hope to hear from you soonest. Keep safe and God Bless.

I stood in front of the counter at my local pharmacy. It took them around half an hour before they were able to dispense my medication. Though my psychiatrist have issued the latest prescription, the pharmacist had to call the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency to verify how legit my papers were. Yes, it’s a usual practice. One of my medications is a controlled drug, and it is heavily regulated by PDEA. So I waited for the pharmacist until someone from PDEA answered their call. I kept calm. There was nothing I could do anyway.

SURVIVING THE QUARANTINE

It has been a month since the government decided to put the entire Luzon (northern part of the Philippines which includes Manila) on a community quarantine. All movements are limited. Mass transportation has been stopped. There are checkpoints everywhere. People from the private sector were asked to work from home. The government is badly trying to flatten the curve. Covid-19 has been winning for the last months. It has taken over the major economic centers of the world, USA, Italy, Spain, United Kingdom, China, Japan, it did not spare anyone. It took the rich and the poor, the old and the young. As of this writing, there are 2,215,167 Cases in the world, 149,676 Deaths, and about 560,672 has recovered according to Worldometers Info. It does not look good, wherever angle you would look at it.

I honestly don’t know where I stand, but I have a lot of things in mind. It’s 2:15 AM. If you would notice, most of my articles are posted at wee hours like this. Why? BECAUSE I HATE SLEEPING. I have recently discovered this during the time of this pandemic. I hate it when the clock strikes at around 12 midnight, that means I have to put myself to sleep again. Sleep is essential I know, but for someone like me who has a massive trouble sleeping, it’s not a pleasurable process. It comes with my disorder. My brain is hyperactive (manic) at this time. I am not like a normal person, who simply lies down in bed, tuck themselves comfortably in, and instantly falls asleep. I have to take heavy medications to put my relentless active brain cells to shut down. I have to wait for hours until they take effect. If sleeping is a dilemma for me, the same goes with waking up. It takes the same amount of effort to put me to sleep to be able to get me up to function.

But conversely, I am somehow liking the quarantine. It gives me so much time to be away from my tiresome daily hustle. I don’t have to go out everyday for work. I don’t have to wake up early to get multiple things done in a day. I don’t have to force myself to deal with people. I wake up, prepare breakfast, watch Netflix, prepare food for lunch and dinner, take photos of the food I make, maybe write for my blog, watch more movies, send some replies to client inquiries, and then prepare to sleep again. It has been my routine. Sometimes, I do the laundry, clean the house parts by parts, insert some cardio exercises every other day, give my dog a bath, run through our supplies and make a list of what needs to be restocked. It’s on repeat, sometimes I even lose track of what day it is. Some days I go on a grocery run to buy stocks for 2 weeks. The long queues had never been my problem as I have a disability ID allowing me to go on the priority lane. Then again, I have always thought about the people around me. Some, computing their budgets while they read-through their grocery lists. Some, fidgeting on their phones, maybe posting rants about the unbelievable lines they had to go through just to get inside the supermarket. I never experienced any of it, and for the first time, I say thanks to my disability. My PWD ID itself is a powerful immunity. I am thankful that I wouldn’t have to wait in line, as it would definitely increase my exposure to the virus. I am at high-risk, I am asthmatic, with so many deficiencies (according to my last lab results) and I’m taking medications for my brain. There is little chance for me to survive it, so I am taking extra precautions. But because of Covid, I became thankful for a lot of things. Things that never mattered before the pandemic. I am thankful that supermarkets are always restocked with supplies. People wouldn’t have to worry about scarcity. After all, that’s what the President promised. “We have enough food and supplies.” I am thankful I could drive my car. I wouldn’t have to carry heavy supplies from Point A to Point B with the absence of public transport. I am thankful for God’s grace and that we have enough. I am thankful that I can share and I wouldn’t have to cry for help and rely on the government. This pandemic has made me grateful for so many things more than ever.

Somehow, I am surviving the quarantine. I managed to endure with only 1 anxiety breakdown. I cried my constant worries away all my what-ifs. I was angry, I was worried, I was stressed. But at that time, my anxiety was less of a concern. There was a bigger predicament lingering throughout the globe and that was to stay at home to avoid the virus. I know I have to cope by myself, mainly because a trip to my psychiatrist would potentially expose me to the virus. My medications kept me stable and I am functioning well (so far, so good). When boredom strikes, I turn to writing and cooking. I have known my disorder for more than a year now, and it is clearly triggered by stress. A pandemic like this is an obvious trigger. I know I have to carefully eliminate things that would cause me to react.

REACTING TO SOCIAL DISTANCING AND ISOLATION

But there’s always a downside to every situation like this. As I walk inside the supermarket, I watched how people behaved like dormant zombies slowly pushing their carts. Except, they don’t have any human triggers that would make them agitated. With the quarantine going on, only one person per household is allowed to go out. They become the “tributes” as they brave the great outdoors to restock their supplies. Social distancing has been implemented. No one is talking to each other as they keep a safe distance from one another. Everyone wore their “gears” of protection. Wearing a face mask is the new norm.

10 minutes of this for someone with a major anxiety disorder can easily trigger a meltdown. Isolation stimulates sadness and depression and reduces the feeling of optimism. That is a fact. How do I know? Because I have experienced this first-hand. I always thank the people who take their time to read what’s on my Disability ID. “Mental and Psycho-social”, meaning I can go from zero to maximum breakdown at any given time. Bipolar Disorder (depressed or manic) can sometimes be activated without any clear external factors. Therefore, I cannot be left alone for a long time.

GREATER DANGERS ASIDE FROM THE VIRUS

I am lucky because somehow, I can still control my thoughts and my moods. Fortunately, I have not gone hysterical in public (yet and I hope not). My history of breakdowns have been in the corners of my house or within the walls of my room. Crying on the train or in the bus in Sydney does not count. I wasn’t hysterical. I have been applying everything from my therapies, from breathing exercises on how to calm down and talking to the people around me. I air out every feeling and emotion whether it’s happiness, sadness, excitement, fear, or whatever that comes in between. I still have a full-stock of my medications. Also, reading and writing has been my outlet. My extremely active mind has been converting somewhat manic thoughts to productivity, hence my multiple blog entries. I have a lot of things to say, so much in my mind, but I was taught in therapy that not everything needs a reaction.

Having a look around, there is no lucid conclusion with what lies ahead. Everything is not as stable as it seemed to be. No one was prepared. Everybody, including the most powerful are being challenged. It has become inevitable. But you know what greatly affects the world that seems to be unforeseen? People like me, diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, are facing additional challenges. According to Psychology Today, only 2.5 % of the population share these challenges: MOOD ELEVATION AND FULL BLOWN MENTAL BREAKDOWNS. 2.5 % of the world is Bipolar, and God knows what kind of cognitive and behavioral efforts for stress management we undertake amidst a crisis like this. Let’s take everything into consideration, not only Bipolar Disorder, but the list of other Mental Disorders can go on and on.

What is equally concerning is the amount of people suffering from anxiety even without having a proper diagnosis. The pandemic has brought this upon us. More people have become anxious. For some reason, I find myself very lucky. I was already geared with coping mechanisms before this happened. What happens to those who cannot manage?

Looking into the vast expanse of uncertainty and seclusion leaves people to mull over things that could possibly transpire in the future, at the mercy of their confused train of thoughts. The world feels further away, with everyone having their own sets of worries. Fears become louder. It has become a very unhealthy environment.

General access to uninterrupted screen time increases the pressure on the mental health even more. Social media, the news, anything that frequently suggest or conveys to your conscious or unconscious mind that you might be in danger are considered “threats” to your sanity and causes more fear. Leaving our vulnerable minds bare to a steady stream of these keep us all in an anxious mode. The accumulation of stress-triggers to our brain can develop more pessimistic thought patterns, and unnecessary emotions towards our current circumstances.

I am reaching out to all my fellow Mental Health Advocates, and to everyone who can possibly read this post. These are indeed out of the ordinary times for us. As we come to the point that we impose measures to protect our physical health, how about we do the same for our mental health? Try to listen to ourselves in a deeper context. Remember, we don’t have to go through this alone. Seek help if you must. You might be required to keep a safe distance from people, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to disconnect.

KEEP CALM, KEEP SAFE AND MOST OF ALL HEALTHY, NOT JUST PHYSICAL, BUT MENTAL TOO. YOU ARE ALL IN MY MIND AND PRAYERS.

With Love From Quarantine,

    REAL TALK: Inside a Bipolar Mind Amidst a Pandemic was originally published on WanderBitesByBobbie

[hddnone]

Today has just been such a shit day. Detailing it out makes me feel ridiculous because: I’m an adult and I should handle this but too late and I’m not/can’t.

I just...it’s Wednesday. My mind is exhausted. I’ve already worked almost 40 hours this week, and I still have to make it through Thursday and Friday and pop back in on Saturday. 

People work more in a week, for sure. I have. But I’m being really efficient, I’m operating close to high capacity, I haven’t snapped at anyone, I’m doing really well except that things still aren’t getting done. There’s just more and more and nothing gets finished more just keeps getting added. Deadlines are approaching but I can’t work on that stuff because I have to do the urgent things or my cells will die and I’ll be further behind by weeks. 

And all the stupid things today. An unexpected meeting with the boss that I was only half-prepared for. A collaborator who was supposed to come by and pick something up and simply didn’t show for the third time he set up the exchange. Finally, after doing good things (actually, though, I got stuff done!) for 11 hours today, I go to catch the bus and the (new) custodian starts talking at me.

I met him for the first time yesterday, the first day he started working on this floor. He’s older, at least sixty, and very chatty. Yesterday, it was fine. Today, I am clearly leaving - packed up, walking out, at the door - and suddenly ‘hi, have a good night,’ turns into a ten minute diatribe on his car? Because his ‘careful, it’s cold’ turns into putting air in his tires turns into taking his car into the shop last week turns into the praise on the condition of his car turns into very specific details of how he takes care of it and, and, and...

And I can’t even interrupt him, he just keeps talking, there’s no pause, there’s no ‘conversation,’ but it just keeps going on and on and on and I keep thinking maybe he’s lonely? And he just wants someone to talk to/at about his day? But I have a bus to catch, it’s been a long and terrible day and I’m starving and still have to make dinner, and finally finally finally I get enough words in edge-wise to stop the monologue :: but of course it doesn’t matter, because I’ve already missed my bus and so have to stand around for another 30min waiting for the next one. 

I get home, eat some food, I start to feel better & more human and... we have no hot water. No idea why, so I’ve set up an appointment for tomorrow for someone to come look at it - fortunately online scheduling is a thing, because what business is open at 9:30pm when I discover these things?? - but tomorrow is going to be another 10-12 hour day. And now I have to go to work, go home for this appointment, go back to work, and there’s no way I’m making the plans with friends (that I actually had, for once!) tomorrow night that I’d been looking forward to all week.

Full disclosure, I’m not handling this with grace. Legit crying, emotional breakdown, over this stupid fucking water heater. My parents are probably judging me - rightly - for my inability to handle this, because I called them to ask if I was just being stupid about the hot water and if there was some simple fix, and I’m crying on the phone about not having hot water. ((It’s really fine though they know I get overly stressed about these things and that I’m bad at them. Still. It would’ve been nice to appear calm for once))

I should be able to handle this with much less of an emotional response. I acknowledge this.  But I’m not, and I can’t. I hate maintenance tasks like these, where I have to arrange appointments and bus into work and bus back and then bus back again. I hate that I’m not going to get to take a hot shower tonight. I already hate the Thursday that I’m going to have to manage tomorrow. I hate that I will have to Face People and deal with interactions when I’m already at my limits with my own lab work. 

On an unrelated tangent, my room is a disaster. I have no lunch for tomorrow. My laundry basket is overflowing. I forgot to take the trash out this morning. My roommate’s dirty dishes (particularly, a baking sheet I would’ve like to use ((and we have 3 of them. she has used all 3))) have been sitting on the counter for five days now. Someone left a beautiful, wonderful comment an one of my stories at AO3 and I have yet to reply. My queue is empty. I have to make my mother a birthday card and send it by Saturday. 

It’ll be fine. It’s just... a Capable Adult would be able to handle this, and that’s not me right now, therefore I am failing at life. 

And perfect timing: I just ran out of Kleenexes. 

[morganbelarus]

The Common Acupuncture Myths You’re Falling For & What The Truth Is

When you think of acupuncture, you probably think of two things: needles to the face, and your weird alternative friend who shadily doesn’t believe in vaccines. Well, like most stereotypes, this is not really correct. Acupuncture has been around forever and isn’t like, some back-alley shit you turn to in a moment of desperation. Well, I mean, maybe you’re desperate, but my point is it’s a legit science that’s been proven to help with so many issues like pain, digestive issues, and sleep. Acupuncturists have to go through a lot of schooling before they can practice—a three- to four-year masters program, to be exact. So yeah, we’re going to bust some common acupuncture myths thanks to our friends from Sanctuary Acupuncture & Holistic Health in NYC.

We were lucky enough to have Sanctuary Acupuncture & Holistic Health come to our office, where they offered a variety of services. We tried out ear acupuncture and cupping. These are our stories. EXECUTIVE PRODUCER DICK WOLF. Oh wait. That's not right. Moving on.

Ear Acupuncture

First of all, acupuncture doesn’t have to be needles all over your body. It can be if you’re into that, but it’s not necessary. If you want the same rest and digest benefits of all-over acupuncture, but like, you can’t sit with your facial muscles completely still for an extended period of time (hi), you can do ear acupuncture. The acupuncturist will stick five needles in various parts of your ear and leave them chilling in there for about 10-20 minutes. I know what you’re thinking, and it hurts wayyyy less than getting your cartilage pierced, so it’s a pretty painless experience. Afterwards, they can continue the treatment and put gold ear seeds or crystals in the same points. It helps prolong the benefits of the acupuncture AND you get to feel like one of those super edgy people with multiple ear piercings even if you secretly cry at night listening to Taylor Swift.

I specifically told the acupuncturist that I wanted help clearing my sinuses, and I shit you not, I stopped sniffling so damn much during the procedure. I’m not saying acupuncture works miracles, but I am saying I might book another appointment when I feel a sinus infection coming on. So like, the second I step outside today. If you want the full benefits of acupuncture but you're a little commitment phobic, try ear acupuncture as your gateway.

Cupping

You probably remember vaguely hearing about cupping back during the last Olympics, when Michael Phelps showed up with perfectly round bruises all over his body that made us think, “Damn, who gave Michael Phelps all those hickies?” The answer: ancient Chinese alternative medicine. Cupping was developed thousands of years ago, and it is the practice of putting special cups on your skin to create suction (hence the hickies). It can be use for pain, inflammation, blood flow, relaxation, and, in the case of Michael Phelps, winning gold medals.

Okay, so cupping won’t directly help you win gold medals, but it definitely didn’t hurt. Basically, if you spend 90% of your week rubbing your shoulders and screaming about how you need a massage, cupping is for you. Funnily enough, cupping is actually the opposite of a massage in that it uses pressure to suck the muscles upward, rather than pull them down. Tons of celebs are obsessed with cupping, including Jennifer Aniston, Lady Gaga, and Victoria Beckham, so if you’re worried about the marks, don’t be. They’re literally a status symbol at this point. (But also if you're going to an event and are wearing a backless dress or something, you can just tell the specialist and she'll place the cups strategically for you. NBD.)

Don’t forget to follow @sanctuaryacu and book your appointment NOW!

More From this publisher : HERE

=> *********************************************** Read More Here: The Common Acupuncture Myths You’re Falling For & What The Truth Is ************************************ =>

The Common Acupuncture Myths You’re Falling For & What The Truth Is was originally posted by 16 MP Just news

[thatslifesis]

POST 3

It’s been a couple weeks since I last posted but that’s because I started with an idea and then my mental health got in the way of things for a couple of days. After those three anxiety filled days I decided I wanted to write about what I was going through. When you are diagnosed with any mental illness by a doctor the first thing they do is pick a medication to put you on to “help you feel happier”. One of the most common side effect of anti-depressants is thoughts of suicide and worsened depression. The first time a doctor told me this I was about 12 years old. I was terrified of taking this mystery pill that could either help or make me even more depressed. That’s when my journey with medication begun and let me tell you my experiences with medication have been hell. Everyone has a different treatment for their depression and some people are lucky and the first med balances them out but I was not so lucky. My first medicine was the reason I went to the hospital in 8th grade because it had the opposite effect. After that I truly felt like a guinea pig the doctors were experimenting on. Some worked and they would have me on the highest dose possible and then I would grow a tolerance to it and have the opposite effect once again.This happened so many times I lost count. Every time I would have to be weaned off of all the medication that made me want to die it made me feel like an addict who hasn’t got their fix yet. If I stopped taking them right away I would go through with withdrawals and would be throwing up and have constant anxiety until I was fully medicated. Even when they were tapering me off of them I would feel like my head is somewhere else like a zombie. I am fully dependent on three different medications at the moment. One of my biggest flaws is I forget EVERYTHING. Being on time and never missing appointments is huge deal to psychiatrists and I’m constantly missing appointments so I was let go from my doctor recently which is not good. The average waiting list for a psychiatrist is 2-3 months. Thankfully my primary care will prescribe me medicine until I find a new doctor. It’s been pretty difficult to get my medicine filled once a month so recently I have had to go without it for a couple days once or twice in the last 3 months. This is what happened to me last week. I take a medication called, seroquel for sleep and mood stabilization and I ran out so I called my doctor and left her messages but could never get to the doctor’s office because of work. I am there later at night and they are already closed when I get out. I didn’t take it Monday night before bed and I woke up Tuesday kinda out of it and a little anxious which I expected but the whole day at work my stomach hurt so bad. Later that night I got really nauseous which is my biggest trigger for anxiety. When it comes to throwing up my body thinking it’s legit about to die. I don’t know exactly why...thanks mom....but I have had this fear since I was 6 years old. At about 3 am Wednesday I wake up sweating. I was up all night with anxiety so bad that I was shaking like a leaf.  I throw up twice and then fell back to sleep until 6 am. The anxiety was back and I was a mess I called out and took my anxiety medication, lorazepam, which knocks me out completely. Unfortunately this is the only way to stop my anxiety when it gets that bad. I wake up and lay in bed for the day I started to feel a little better. I packed my lunch for work the next day and messaged my co teacher telling her I would be there the next day. 6 am hit and I’m back in the bathroom throwing up and freaking out. Called my boss planned on going to the doctor and getting my medicine filled then go in. I was happy to have a little more time to relax and maybe the doctor could give me something to calm me down. The doctor told me to take lorazepam and then go to work. I smiled and walked out with a doctors note “just in case”. I get in the car and start bawling my eyes out because I know I can not take lorazepam then work because I would pass out. I called work and tell them I’m heading to work, on the way there I pull over twice to throw up and I realize I really can’t do this I need to go home. I can’t do my job like this so I call work crying only ten minutes away and tell them I’m sorry then drove back home. The only way to make this horrible feeling go away is by taking the medicine to balance myself out. I took my seroquel at 10:30am and fall asleep from 11-6:30pm. I woke up and felt like a new person, no anxiety and no more nausea. I absolutely hate that I’m so dependent on medication that it affects my health and basically puts the breaks on my life. It isn’t the best when you work with kids who need consistency and it’s hard to find coverage. I’m currently talking to three different doctors and my boss is helping me so I have more time to handle this which I am soooo thankful for! I have a good support system which is a huge help. Moral of the story never forget to refill your prescriptions and  take your medicine EVERYDAY. I hope you enjoyed this post! Please let me know what you thought! If any of you deal with this as well I hope you find your balance soon. Anyway that’s life sis!

XO Dal  

[canaryatlaw]

well, for a shitty week, today was pretty damn good, even though I feel guilty for somewhat blowing off my bar prep (but I did get some of it done tonight so it’s not a total loss). I woke up at 8, earlier than my normal church wake up because I was gonna do the whole shower thing, which ended up taking me less time than I expected so I was like sitting at my kitchen table trying to kill time, and then continually getting frustrated because the bus only comes at 9:00 and 9:20 and I need it at like 9:10 to work properly, but I always end up getting on the 9:00 bus because I hate being late and then I’m just like awkwardly early, and I end up getting pulled into the 10:30 huddle when I’m not serving till the 12:30, but oh well. So all of that happened, and then I went up to the service. I’d been gone the last two weeks and I really miss my church when I’m gone so I was glad to be back, and during worship they played the song they played when it was my first time there that I really like so that made me happy. The sermon was mostly about spiritual gifts (which sounds like a super churchy thing but it’s legit just like the logistics of what you’re good at doing) and exploring that, they even made an online quiz they gave as “homework” where you can answer questions and it’ll tell you what you’re best suited for, or something like that anyway (I don’t think it’s meant to be taken 100% seriously). I pretty much know where I’m at in that regard being that I’m with the babies legit every Sunday, sometimes I don’t even make it to the service but I’ll still be with the babies 😂 but yeah, service was good and then I was with the babies, and boy was it a “when it rains, it pours” day. Most of the time we have super calm services, but every so often we’ll just get a shitton of babies and half of them will be screaming and everything’s on fire, it’s either one or the other, no in betweens lol. there were a LOT of babies so I’m not going to list them all, but I’ll talk about the few I mainly interacted with. This one girl, she’s gotta be like 18 months by now and we’ve had her since she was like 5 months but she just recently started crying when her parents leave (I hate when they regress like that) and she had been in the babies room for the last service, and her mom had come to pick her up, but then she ended up having a meeting so she gave her daughter back to us just for a little while while she was in her meeting. Well, this little girl was not having it. I felt bad because I knew she was probably confused, but she was crying a lot, she would get distracted and stop for a while then start again out of nowhere, so that was a little trying, but thankfully her mom was back before long. We then got an endless stream of babies coming in like, halfway through the service which never makes sense to me but always happens lol, at one point this mom came in with her son and she was just like “would it be okay if I just came in there with him for a little bit?” and I was like YES PLEASE, PLEASE DO because we did not need another unoccupied baby running around lol. For a while I did play with this little girl who was the cutest little thing, I know I say that a lot but seriously, this baby was so. cute. she had these bright blue eyes and the top of her ears stuck out just a little bit and she had this little smile and like....I just melted looking at her because she was so damn cute. She was like 7 months and her parents said she couldn’t quite crawl yet but was getting there, so we sat her on the floor and let her move as she wanted, a few times I’d hold her up so it was like she’s standing and she like, hasn’t fully grasped the concept yet because she keeps most of her feet off the ground and is just on her tip toes, which is also very cute, and she got really happy when I did that and she’d like, try to grab on to me to hold herself up but just ended up like, touching my face awkwardly but it was too damn cute. Okay, I think I ranted sufficiently about how much I wanted to kidnap this perfect little angel (but of course, I restrained myself). There was another little girl I held for a bit who was crying before giving her over to one of the other ladies who was holding her last week and they kinda bonded which does happen haha and she basically just held her the rest of the time. It was a lot of on and off crying, but by the end of the service it was fairly calm so that’s good enough for me lol. I had been texting Jess making plans to get food once I got out of church, and I suggested we go to the cheesecake factory because she loves that place, but the only one I knew of was downtown and you can’t drive downtown because there’s no place to park and it was way too hot to get there by any way other than driving, but she knew of one up in Evanston that was like 30 minutes from us since we’re pretty far north, so I ubered back to her place after church because I’m impatient, and got in the car, stopped at mcdonalds for ice cream cones because it’s never a bad time for ice cream, and from there we drove up to where it was in a mall complex. We had also been planning on seeing Oceans 8 at some point (we were gonna do it last weekend but ended up being too wiped out from our other activities) and there was a movie theatre in the mall complex, so we resolved to get food, look at some stores, and then go to the movies. We got seated right away at the cheesecake factory which I was kinda surprised at because I thought it would be busy with post-church traffic but I guess it was late enough at that point (it was like 3) that most of that crowd had passed through. Our food came out like wicked fast, it was actually there before we even got our bread, which I was very slightly sad about because I like their bread lol. I got the same pasta I always get but it was the lunch portion so I actually finished it for like, the first time I think lol. We were pretty full after that so we opted for no cheesecake (and I mean, we’d already had ice cream) so we paid and then went to wander the stores. Forever 21 was right there and they were having like, a super sale, so we wandered around there a while. I used to get like, most of my wardrobe from there, but more recently I guess I kinda outgrew their stuff and I don’t really own much from them anymore, guess that happens. From there we went into Garage quickly because like, about half of their clothing is actually wearable and cute but the other half is total garbage lol, and then we went into Charlotte Russe for a while. From there we decided to move the car around to the other side of the mall where the movie theatre was, so we did that and then went to assess the movie theatre situation, and dude, this was like a super fucking fancy movie theatre. Like I’ve been to nice ones before, but this was soooo over the top. It had like, waiter service for all these fancy things, and they’ll bring you blankets if you want (they were polyester of course, but I forgive them) and like, their menu was insane, it had like filet mignon for $39 like....who is actually so fucking extra that they would order a fucking steak at the movie theatre (I actually know the answer to that because the answer is my father, but still) so we got popcorn and Jess got a shake and I got a coke because I was still full from lunch. So we chilled there for a while until the movie started. Like all of my internet friends have been raving about this movie for weeks now, so I had pretty high expectations, and they did not disappoint. I’ve seen all 3 of the original Ocean movies and enjoyed them all, so if they were going in that direction I knew I’d like it. And oh, it was so genius, I loved it. Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett were fucking great together, and I have to agree with much of the speculation I’ve seen, they’re totally in love lol. I also really loved Anne Hathaway, she was great through the entire thing, but when she shows up (maybe spoiler?) at the end she just became such a boss and I loved every minute of it. At the last scene, right up until the screen was black, I fully expected George Clooney to walk up any moment because I mean, is anybody really dead if we didn’t see them killed on camera?? lol, but it’s good they at least left the door open for it. So yeah, I really liked it. When we got out most everything else was closed since it was getting late on a Sunday, so we headed back home and had some GPS adventures, but eventually made it home. Throughout the day we had also discussed going to New York next week because I have doctors appointments and shit and Jess legit wasn’t doing anything so I was like well you should just come with me and she was like okay cool so I got home and booked that flight, we’ll leave next Sunday and come back that Friday, should be a nice little break. We plan on making the most of our time in NY, so I already obtained tickets to see a matinee of Hello, Dolly! (only because of Victor Garber, I don’t really care about anything else in that show, at all) and then tickets to see Mean Girls that night because I’m rapidly becoming obsessed with this show and I need to see it in person. Once I got all of that done I turned back to the simulated bar thing I was supposed to be doing and got through 50 out of the 100 questions I had left to do, so not too bad. The site did save all the answers I put in before my computer got fried, so that was good, I could’ve just re-entered them if needed because I marked them on the pages, but it was helpful that I didn’t have to. And yeah, after that I did normal computer stuff and beta’d some fic for a bit until I decided to get ready for bed and now I’m here. Tomorrow I gotta get those questions finished, and then I have a “live webinar” with a bunch of bar students going over the answers and such, so that should be.....interesting (not sure I can think of another word to probably describe it really). We’ll see. Well, it’s past 1:30 am, which means it’s time for me to go to sleep, even if my apartment is still hot as fuck which makes it super annoying to do anything, but I am still gonna need sleep at some point, so I might as well do it now. Goodnight darlings. Have a fantastic Monday.

[yuan2makeababy]

Week 9

Date: 3/20/18

How Far Along: 9 Weeks- got a new due date. we are officially expecting nugget on 10/23! Gender: Still leaning towards girl. I am waiting on a call from the genetics councilor to set up our early chromosomal testing which will also tell us the sex of the baby. so (fingers crossed) we should know in the next 2-4 weeks!  Weight Gain: At my drs appointment yesterday I had actually lost 5 pounds. 

Stretch Marks: Nothing yet. I have some old stretch marks on my hips from just growing up, so i expect those to get larger. Everything I’ve read pretty much says there is no proof that lathering up helps anything... so I will buy some belly/boob lotion once I start growing, but as of now I’m not into rubbing myself down with lotion. If I’m gonna get stretch marks, it’ll happen with or without the lotion.

Maternity Clothes: No, but I would like to go shopping for some soon. I’m looking for a new job and I’ll need to hide the bump for a little bit once I transition. Sleep: can’t. get. enough! Week 9 was the week of total exhaustion. I’ve taken a nap the last 3 days. Then at night, I’m not sleeping well. Little noises wake me and I struggle a bit to fall back asleep when they do. now when I say “a bit” it probably only takes me 2 minutes, but that’s a long time compared to my usual 10 seconds to pass back out! Best Moment This Week: WE SAW OUR LITTLE NUGGET! Now, I have to say I have been stressing about this first appointment. I was convinced something was wrong and was getting mentally prepared for the worst. BUT IT WAS PERFECT *insert all of the crying face emojis*. Nugget is showing 2 days ahead of schedule, which I’m not surprised by as I got the BFP 2 days earlier than I was supposed to. But nugget was perfect. They had a strong heartbeat (179 BPM) and even moved while we were watching them. I started laughing when it wiggled and I think I freaked it out because it stopped moving! haha. But it was amazing to see it safe and sound and moving and perfect. I had an OB prep appointment that got me ready to go with my new doctor. I’m leaning towards using a midwife, which is exciting!

I also got a job offer this week! I have another interview for another job in 2 weeks, so the job transition is looking good! ready to get out of this gig I’m in now and have a normal life with nugget, Dud, and the hubs.

Lastly, we told my in laws about nugget. they were excited and already asked if we had a registry to start buy things! I have a feeling random baby things are just going to start showing up at our house now, haha! Worst Moment This Week: I had a ton of anxiety leading up to our first appointment. I just knew something would be wrong, and thank god nothing was! But the amount of stress and anxiety I felt was terrible. Other than that, it’s been a good week! Miss Anything: I’m feeling pretty normal this week. I still really want a glass of wine, and some oysters sound amazing! Meat still sin’t appeal, except for steak... love me some steak! haha. but chicken and any other meat, heck no! We had my favorite Mexican restaurant for lunch yesterday and i really couldn’t eat the chicken in my nachos, I had to eat around all of it which was pretty sad :( Movement: I don’t feel it, but i saw nugget move in the u/s yesterday! it’s little arm buds were moving and IT WAS SO STINKING CUTE! And i’m having simple back pain still, like early period cramps in my back.

Symptoms: i’m freaking exhausted! So tired all of the time. between noon and 3 I just need to NAP. This is my first day back in the office since the exhaustion has bit, so we will see how that goes, haha. 

And my boobs are actually bigger, like legit bigger! I plan on going to target this week and getting some larger bralets, because these things are getting out of control! I have felt like they have gotten bigger in the early weeks, but now even the hubs has noticed and he doesn’t notice things! And this morning when I was getting dressed I was shocked with how they looked!

Cravings: not a ton of cravings. Still into sweet stuff. we bought a lot of fruit this weekend so I have been eating a lot of grapes which are as sweet as candy! Queasy or Sick: still a little queasy at times. Mostly only after I eat or try to eat meat. thankfully no sickness and actually feeling better most of the day Have You Started To Show Yet: Still just boobs and bloat :) Labor Signs: Nope Belly Button In or Out? In Wedding Rings On or Off? On Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Moody most of the time. My poor husband asked if there was something wrong with me yesterday because I was being so short. I just have mood swings alllll over the place. Sorry hubs. Looking Forward To: I’m currently waiting on a couple of calls! 1- the genetic counselor. we are doing the NIPS test so we are planning the date when that is going to happen. Hopefully in the next 2 weeks we will have the blood work done and ultrasound around week 11/12. with that we will also find out the sex of nugget which is SO EXCITING. 2- the Midwife group. I think I have decided to go with the midwife group so I can have a little more personalized attention. the midwife group works with an OB, so if anything happens I will have access to an OB, but I’m excited to go with the more flexible route! So I need both of these calls to happen so we can get moving with this baby stuff! :):):):)