#I AM HER NUMERO UNO DEFENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tu-es-gegg]

I speak here as Codelfippa’s lawyer, i really thought about the way she acts and compare that to the codes for a moment. and i really think she’s just a kid, or at least finally learning to be one

Like, she abuses creative mode so frequent and unabashedly, she doesnt even hide it from anyone they all can tell. other codes dont really just tp spam or spawn random funny blocks, lil codeflippa does. And she could just be fully survival while pretending she doesnt secretly use creative sometimes to stop herself dying, but no. she just pulls out sharpness five shovel and random blocks and do teleportation skydrops like a totally normal kid.

and she’s an easily bored kid, its not even an act she jsut impatient. she runs around from pack to pack of adults to interact with in the tubbo hole, she just spams scaffolding always which just comes out of nowhere. at this point shes taking her own liberties with her Juanaflippa act cause where did that even come from.

the codes are straightforward whenever i see them, even acting as the eggs they are still methodical. they dont bounce as much as codie, they dont have such a very verbose and expressive way of speaking even when pretending to be an egg, and they definitely arent so defensive about their parents when pretending. its either their act is cleaned up better, or codeflippa is going a little off script…

codeflippa at those last moments, she seemed scared when rememebring the man in the photo adn even jsut being in teh fed offices, not jumping around as much anymore jsut simply going back to bed without much mroe. its not an act because why does she need to pretend with qslime alone with no one else. slime already would do anythign to protect her, but codie is honest and says she’s scared of the man in the picture, this and her hugs with her dad, when she says “i love u dad, i really do, dont forget that” theres no reason to play up the act. she means this truly. she genuinyl loves her dad.

she feels safe with the other people around compared to before, but she loves her papa foremost. and she might even be in denial about how much her dad is hurting form the code infection cause she hits people when they comment on it. he will just let it all hurt and ache, so long as his daughter is safe adn sound, he will kill anyone who hurts her…..

and it sucks because qslime is so deep in denial that he loves that codie only AS juanaflippa,

but i believe foudn family still wins.

that family love is still real, even if its all a lie to either of them. that slime isnt really her dad, and codeflippa isnt really his daughter, they still will kill anyone for each other

[cathodic-clairvoyant]

There's a lot about discussion of hdwr that baffles me (not all discussion to be clear, because i do think there's a lot of good discussion about hdwr. But equally so are there the ones that make you wonder if you're reading the same story) and I think one that is especially annoying is the constant infantilization of miwa as this passive eternal victim. It drives me up a wall because this is quite literally an issue she's struggled with within the text of the story! She had an arc about how she dislikes how people treat her this way like towards the beginning of the story! And like even ignoring that, this story is about like nuanced and realistic portrayals of being in relationships and learning how to navigate them and so it's like what's the point if you're going to immediately reduce the characters to "the victim" and "the victimizers?" Is that even interesting? Is that a useful lens to look at interpersonal relationships?

[loverfighter]

well. i think i’ve finally pinpointed the Thing abt chapter 2 that really digs under my skin / makes me uncomfortable to look at too closely (not the character execution of half the losers which is major and probably reason numero uno why chapter 2 does not live up to the book nor first movie and i Will go on abt later but i’m waiting to finish my reread to do so) and it’s essentially that eddie and richie are almost.... forced apart for a lot of it. in chapter 1 we have so many moments, countless looks and gestures and dialogue to point at and say look! there! that’s why they’re in love! where the impact these characters have on each other holds weight and they’re so deeply intertwined to the degree of siamese twins, one never without the other, never farther than a thought or heartbeat away (physically touching in one way or another anytime they can, a beacon through the walks of hell). it’s clear, on both ends, that whatever love they hold for each other is profound and heavy and embedded six feet deep into each other’s souls, transversing across memory, distance, time. even in the background of a scene in which the main focus is ten feet away, highlighted in red and grasping at your attention, you can spot eddieandrichie⏤together, inseparable, linked. 

with chapter 2, this dynamic is hinted upon, and given to us through flashes, but never through scenes alone (prior to neibolt) or actual context. in fact, the scenes we Do have in which their magnetic pull towards each other is allowed narrative (hammock, eddie taking off the shower cap, eddie looking away smiling after richie’s “what the fuck does that mean”, going into the photo booth separated from the rest + eddie pulling richie in, eduardo! andale, them expressing constant agreement w each other through gestures, all of the jade of the orient stuff, etc) was courtesy of the actors and not the script or (likely) direction. bill even said that He was the one who had to push the clarity of richie’s sexuality, to clearly express that he’s gay (“““movie canon”””), while andy and the rest thought vague would be the best route to go in fear of audience reaction. and even then! it’s not as forward as it should’ve or could’ve been (considering they pulled eddie’s canon death scene w the love confession + more emotional moments between them in that setting + the supposed kiss), and oh! not to mention stripping eddie of his own homosexuality and giving richie the bowers storyline, which was the scene that cemented his sexuality in the movie, making it clear that the crew knew the dynamic and context of the interactions between eddie and bowers. 

the point remains that all of the “official” reddie scenes are... kinda out of nowhere? we are given spare information, but lacking any context, leaving the general audience with no way to complete the puzzle with a dozen missing pieces. during the flashback, we see richie carving r+e on the kissing bridge, set after the events of the arcade, and obviously the e stands for eddie, but that’s it! nothing before or during that flashback gives the average watcher any information besides that, and the ones of us who are invested have little satisfaction from that moment alone, when we’ve been building it up and expecting an actual storyline, rather than 5 secs in a minute long flashback clip (that is to say, the r+e is one of my fav reddie scenes, but maybe they shouldn’t have teased it in the trailers if that was all it was gonna be?). 

richie is the one to calm eddie down, snatch away his inhaler bc it’s meaningless physically and damaging psychologically, and tell him “you’re braver than you think.” but why is it that richie is able to get through to him when no one else can or bothers to, why richie, why does he understand what eddie needs to hear, why does eddie listen and take it to heart, especially when richie is the one emphasized to have a crush on eddie and not vice versa? they’re important to each other (on a deeper level than they individually are with the rest of the losers), it’s clear based on that scene, but that’s what it’s left at, with no scenes or dialogue previous to that moment propping it up, other than the r+e, which doesn’t account for eddie’s reaction. and then, they’re together when they face the doors, parallel to benverly who are shouting their love at each other. again, this is telling us something, which is less surprising based off of the inhaler scene 5 mins prior, but then it swiftly plummets to eddie essentially sacrificing himself / saving richie. again: why? 

to me, it’s obvious. to y’all, it’s obvious. we all know well enough, right. but susan in the seat next to me doesn’t, nor do her two friends, or even my friends (getting new ones) or the majority of people who came out of that theatre. they walked out of there and didn’t understand the relationship as requited bc they weren’t given the context and love and soul of reddie. and i think what upsets me most about that is that i can’t just brush it off as them not understanding the nuance or depth of a stupid clown film (if it was the stupid clown book, sure, or even the first stupid clown film but) bc it was done on purpose. they were afraid of negative responses to the lgbt storyline (and god forbid there’d be two of them in their precious big studio film), and so they strangled the heart out of reddie. and because reddie became canon (or richie’s crush became canon), they had to tone down the “gayness” of their relationship, because now the audience would have a new perception of what they were to one another, and no longer have the cushion to brush it off as a “brotherly relationship” (sorry finn). take bill and mike for example! objectively, they were probably “gayer” than reddie, because they were allowed to touch, to show affection, to say i love you. but of course they can’t be gay, bc bill has a wife and they don’t see mike as enough of a person to give him anything good. 

it’s like. what they (production) Have given us is flashes of moments that they are barely responsible for and bury ur gays (fantastic rep), wherein the sexuality of the character that actually dies is kept vague so that the record breaking number of people that went to see their film (who frankly don’t even care) won’t think the film is too gay. like. LMFAO it’s so dumb and frustrating bc on one hand we’re valid for clocking reddie but on the other we’re Too Wild for thinking that it’s a requited love story. like yes, i’m grateful that richie’s sexuality (re his attraction to men; i think he’s bi, movie canon leans toward gay but whatever) is canon, that the wretched grief he felt at losing the love of his life was Shown if only to paint how deep the emotion he felt went, that r+e is forever carved into history. but that’s hand in hand w me being upset over eddie’s character and sexuality being sidelined, at the graphic depiction of gay men being murdered with no full circle moment as it Should Have Been, at having to defend reddie as canon bc some cowards in the editing room couldn’t handle the negative reviews of a few bigots at the expense of their invested and loyal and passionate audience who care abt this story and the characters within it. 

idk. anyway. this is the result of me going crazy so don’t pay it much mind but. imagine how fucking tired i am

[bards-rights-activist]

N, T, and V! ♡

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

numero uno: i wish i saw more critical thinking applied in general. and not in the way people in fandoms seem to interpret it; as in being critical of everything (it’s not what it means ffs!) this is pretty much applicable to every fandom i’ve been in recently and yep witcher is not an exception. ACTUAL (civil) discussions about characters and plotlines and symbolism etc. without all of it being reduced down to what’s problematic (and therefore bad and unforgivable) and what’s unproblematic (and therefore good and pure) would be GREAT. i get a twitch in my eye every time someone makes a post  on how the orgy scene from ep 5 is 100% consensual. 

numero dos: I’d love to see some chaotic slav energy in witcher modern aus. i am just so fucking tired of seeing them at wendys. 

numero tres: for people to get jaskier’s last name right. every day youse make me look at ‘pankratz’. 

*bonus: more love for yen but TBH i seem to follow all the right people because i do see a lot of love for her on my dash <3

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? 

to be honest, i’m super flexible with things like that so these are not the hills i’d die on. 

my personal headcanon are that jaskier’s nobility but impoverished nobility like there’s a title so jaskier had a right to education but there are also humongous debts. like i’m not sure whether jaskier is from kerack or redania (maybe i’ll find out further in the books who knows) but personally i headcanon him as being from kerack since it’s a tiny sort of kingdom (lmao right next to cidaris!) constantly raided by pirates and i just think it would be hilarious for the lettenhove estate to be like....a goat, three badgers and a pear tree. ALSO just the POTENTIAL. jaskier’s scandalised: YEN YOU CAN’T JUST ASK ME WHY I’M POOR!! also yen teasing him that she only married him cos she thought he was rich 

poor, scrappy gentry is also a frequent theme in polish renaissance literature and it’s a very fun one at that. 

V - Which character do you relate to most?

tbh i like my faves pretty bastardly so i dunno i don’t really have like A character i relate to, it’s more like...some traits here and there? 

yen’s a biggie cos her complicated and often ugly relationship with womanhood and her heritage is something that hits me right where i live. like honestly right in the heart. 

jaskier’s penchant for chubby milfs, dealing with bad shit through levity and being a dumbass with some truly stupendous moments of clarity at times, and thor i guess cos i’m very friendly and i love to fight. 

my dad says i remind of arya stark a lot but i’ve not read asoiaf yet. but i hear it’s the poshphobia. which. well. is true. 

[tedlyanderson]

Annotations for Adventure Time: Beginning of the End issue 3!

Did you enjoy my annotations for issue one and issue two of this miniseries? If so, good news! (If not, shove off!) I have annotations for the third issue, right here waiting for your lovely eyes! Obviously, as with the previous posts, this will have great big massive spoilers for the issue, so take that into consideration. Please enjoy, my pals!

Pages 2&3: Okay, there’s a lot to unpack on these pages, haha. First and foremost is a reference to something other than Adventure Time for once: Jake’s monologue on these pages is a loose reference to one of the very best issues of classic Fantastic Four, number 51, “This Man ... This Monster!” In that issue, among other events, Reed Richards travels through the Negative Zone and muses to himself about the nature of reality:

There are cameos on these pages from a bunch of the “cosmic” things of the AT universe, including the Catalyst Comet, the Lich, a copy of the Enchiridion,  Glob Grob Gob Grod, the Finn Sword, and Prismo (in a rare 3-dimensional appearance). There’s also a herd of Time Lards with clocks on their bellies.

Also in this image, note the most minor and in-jokey reference in this entire series: the satellite on the middle-left with the word “FELIS” on it. In the episode “Fionna and Cake and Fionna,” someone asks Ice King where he gets the ideas for his Fionna and Cake stories, and he replies that they’re “beamed into [his] melon every night.” Later that episode, we see him sleeping as a pink laser zaps into his head, carrying images of Fionna and Cake. I chose to interpret this as a reference to one of my favorite authors, Philip K. Dick, who believed that he was receiving knowledge in the form of an information-rich pink laser beam from a satellite called VALIS. So this satellite, FELIS (get it? like cats?), is the source of the Fionna and Cake stories—in my version of the universe, anyway.

Page 4, panel 4: Chronologius Rex declares that he is the lord of Time, not meatloaf. Meatloaf has been established multiple times as Finn’s favorite food.

Page 5: And here we come to the crux of this issue: Finn’s possible futures. Issue 1 of this series was about Finn’s past, issue 2 was about his present, so naturally issue 3 is all about his futures. Obviously none of these should be taken as “canon;” I just came up with three possible paths Finn might take based on what we’ve seen him do throughout the series. I’ll explain my thinking after the third sequence.

All three of the futures are color-coded—the Candy Knight future is pink, obviously.

Page 6: I love Mari’s designs for Queen Bubblegum—the high ‘80s shoulders are great! My suggestion for Old Peppermint Butler was that he be smoother and shinier, as if he’s a candy that’s been sucked on for too long.

In panel 2, the “Dinner Kingdom” is kind of a half-reference to the Breakfast Kingdom in present Ooo.

And in panel 5, note old Finn’s Jake medallion.

Page 7, panel 4: I am not sorry for the “bunch” of banana soldiers joke.

Page 8, panel 1: Beards are indeed a factor in many of Finn’s futures: pretty much every time we’ve seen an older or artificially-aged Finn, he’s got a beard of some sort. I continue the trend in this issue.

Page 8, panel 5: This is a futuristic version of Founders’ Island, the main human settlement outside of Ooo, fixed up and fully repaired. The implication is that Finn not only returned to the human islands, he also helped fix the place up.

The color scheme for the Teacher Finn future is blue, connecting with the water and sky surrounding them.

Page 9, panel 2: I love Teacher Finn’s design so, so much, you guys. I described him as a lovable old professor, someone with his mother’s compassion and his father’s roguish charm, and Mari knocked it out of the park. Note his Jake hat.

Page 9, panel 3: “Homies help homies: always!” is the Adventure Time philosophy in a nutshell.

Page 9, panel 5: Note that Finn is still using his old, trusty sword Scarlett in this future. She’s even more nicked and battle-scarred, but I’m sure she’s still good in a fight.

Page 10, panel 2: Dodging eggs while fighting was part of Finn’s training from Rattleballs in his eponymous episode.

Page 10, panel 2: When it came to Finn’s human wife, I told Mari to make her look a little bit like a human version of Flame Princess. I figured Finn if has a type, it’s her!

Page 11: The third and final possible future is the Space Captain Finn future, which is green-themed for no particular reason. This future is based on the idea that Finn and his Candy Kingdom pals team up with the remaining humans to build a spaceship to take them away from Earth, which is about as likely as anything else in Adventure Time, haha.

Everything in this sequence is of course heavily inspired by Star Trek: the Next Generation, a show that I love and grew up watching. The Minerva A.I. is the ship’s computer, obviously, warning of “excessive sparks detected on bridge.” Jake is Finn’s right-hand-man, just like Riker was to Picard (and Finn even calls him “numero uno,” like Picard’s “number one”). Lady Rainicorn is the equivalent of counselor Troi, Fern is a bit like Data, and Jake’s skateboarding granddaughter Bronwyn is the hotshot kid pilot, like Wesley. Princess Bubblegum is the engineering chief—she always struck me as preferring the role of scientist rather than royalty, frankly—assisted by Frieda and BMO. Flame Princess, upgraded to Plasma Princess, powers the ship as a whole. And Finn himself sports a beard similar to Commander Riker’s—which is appropriate, as a future version of Finn was voiced by Riker’s actor, Jonathan Frakes!

When coming up with these futures, I thought about what the Finn we knew might be most drawn to doing, and boiled it down to three major options: fighting and defending (the Candy Knight future), teaching and training (the Teacher Finn future), or exploring and leading (Space Captain Finn). For what it’s worth, I don’t really have a preference, or any opinions on which future is most likely—one of the strengths of Adventure Time has always been finding ways to surprise its audience with something that makes total sense in retrospect. If Finn does have a “canonical” future, it’s probably something I would never have thought of, but which makes perfect sense.

Page 11, panel 4: Princess Bubblegum yet again mentions “zanoits,” which are maybe some kind of mysterious particle? It’s a funny word and deserves to be used more often.

Page 12, panel 1: I mentioned in my annotations for the previous issue that I felt bad making Susan revert to her simpler speech patterns, since by this point in the series she’s perfectly capable of using big words. I tried to make it up to her by making her the ship’s communications officer, who would use big words all the time.

Additionally, the “Tuffbone sector” is a reference to Meredith Gran’s Adventure Time miniseries, Marceline: Gone Adrift. In that series, Marceline explores space and meets other races, including the Tuffbones, dog-like alien critters.

Page 12, panel 2: Note that Shelby (the worm who lives in Jake’s viola) is wearing a bandolier similar to Worf’s. I was particularly proud of that idea, haha.

Page 12, panel 4: Jake’s exclamation of “Outrageous!” is a reference to another role by his voice actor, John DiMaggio: it’s the catchphrase of Aquaman, from the Batman: the Brave and the Bold series.

Page 16, panel 3: A “dead world” is another bit of unexplored Adventure Time lore: they’re apparently where people go when they die, but they’re not quite the afterlife as we think of it? Or it is, but there’s a lot of them, like at least fifty? Unclear.

Page 16, panel 4: I had to work in the title of the show somehow.

Page 17, panel 3: I wanted to make sure I referenced my favorite song from the show, “Everything Stays” by Rebecca Sugar, and this seemed like the perfect time to bring it up, as Jake discusses the inevitability of change.

Page 17, panel 4: When I described this panel in the script, I specifically mentioned the series Neon Genesis Evangelion, one of the weirder depictions of the end of the world you can find. I love the image of the enormous stone blocks sinking into an endless sea.

Page 18, panel 5: Chronologius’s epithet for Jake, “starchild,” references Jake’s actual origin as a half-alien creature. I checked the dates, and apparently I finished the script for this issue just a couple weeks after the episode “Jake the Starchild” aired, in which Jake’s parentage was fully revealed.

Pages 20-21: Finn’s final “confrontation” with Chronologius might feel a bit underwhelming—essentially, all he does is convince Chronologius to give them an opportunity to escape. There’s no big battle, no war of wits; it’s already been established that Chronologius is basically invulnerable, so it’s not like Finn could beat him in a fight. It’s not terribly exciting, but that’s kind of the point: over the course of this issue, Chronologius becomes more sympathetic to Finn and his plight, particularly after seeing all the good he did (and might have done) in the world. So it’s less about beating up some big bad dude, and more about convincing someone to act like a pal. In a way, Finn beats Chronologius by making him into a friend.

Would it have been better if the ending was more exciting, action-packed, crazy-style? Maybe! Looking back on it, I feel like I could have given Mari more chances to do cool art stuff—the first half of this issue has some pretty far-out sequences and nifty new things to draw, but the second half is basically three characters talking against a mostly boring background. Thematically I feel like it’s better to have Finn succeed by befriending the villain, rather than just punching his lights out, but it definitely doesn’t have the same visual impact. Overall, I’m still proud of it, but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t be improved.

That’s it for issue three! Join me next time for—issue four?!? Yes! This three-part miniseries is in fact a four-part miniseries, ending with Finn and Jake’s adventures through time! Look forward to it, my chums!

[darkwingsnark]

Moving on to Ozzy then. What's your headcanons for him as he is portrayed in WHiGSiG?

This becomes me just saying how he is in ‘The Batman’ for the most part. But shoot, i’ll give it a shot.

Bruce Wayne is the guy he hates the most. And that’s saying something, considering the friends he keeps. Of course, most of this comes from the fact he wants to BE Bruce Wayne. Handsome, rich, the most talked about bird in town? He’s everything he isn’t. As narcissistic as he is, he has enough self awareness when it comes to having been an outcast most of this life simply because of how he looked. I bet back when he was sent to boarding school, he had to learn early that the way to survive was to fight for what you want-- because the world would always be out to get you.

I like the idea that his parents are dead-- I feel like that gives him another connection to Wayne. But unlike HIM, his mommy and daddy didn’t leave him a big honking fortune. In fact, found out afterwards just how much of their family fortune they had squandered. I feel like this adds to his rage. Not only did they leave him alone, to defend himself, they left him with NOTHING to even try to help him through. A spoiled child, now with no ways of even BEGINNING to learn how to take care of himself... no wonder he’s always looking out for numero uno.

Look, hear me out... When he actually sits down and puts in the effort? He’s actually really smart. Capable of organizing big plans, of figuring out people’s motivations... I also want him to be good at solving riddles, mostly because that makes sense-- considering he was able to translate and figure out that the crystal statues could be used as a weapon.

Dude has spent more money than he should have on hookers and strippers. Once out of Arkham, that’s usually one of the first vices he tackles. (Like he’s gonna jack it when usually there are dudes around to watch him? No thanks.)

Once he finds out Hatter and Scarecrow are together, he’s going to think all those times Jervis was nice to him was because the guy was into him. He can’t blame him, Cobblepots are handsome birds! But, eh, even if Ozzy was into dudes-- ‘which he’s NOT by the way!!!’-- he could do way better than Hat Guy. 10′s can do better than 2′s after all. STILL, he’ll turn Tetch down gently. Better to keep ‘im on his good side. Never know when he’d need/want to team up with a guy that can do mind control.

Would totally be down to clown with Harley, no questions asked. He doesn’t like her voice, but ey, ball gags am I right? 

Does assume Riddler is into him, but he’s not 100 percent sure. He’s also getting ‘wants him dead vibes’. Both are kinda not his thing, but man... it sucks knowing that he’s usually the guy with all the connections! Gotta be somewhat DECENT to him! Answer all his dumb riddles so he’ll hand over the info and good y’want! SHEEESH.

[almorganfiction]

Up Top - Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – Kaptured

1 Hour, 32 Minutes

One of the masked figures pointed a razor sharp spear at Gulliver’s neck as the others continued chanting (cha-sam, cha-sam, cha-sam). He cleared his throat overdramatically.

‘Ladies and gentlemen! I am Chief Christopher of the Chasm!’ He paused for his company to give him a brief applause. ‘It looks like we’ve caught ourselves some geese, all ready to cook. Chief Gulliver of the Wingspans what do you have to say for yourself?’ He spoke like a game show host.

‘Not got the foggiest, really,’ Gulliver answered, looking down at the spear.

‘Alright then, should have known from the very start that you’d be a dead end, perhaps your team mates have brought the wisdom with them instead.’ He looked at Maple. ‘Ceri! If you’d be so kind as to point your weapon- are those nun-chucks? They look fan-tastic! Yeah. Just threaten Mr Suit over here.’

One of the masked figures waved makeshift nun-chucks around awkwardly. They were made up of led pipes and a metal chain. Maple didn’t step out of line, but it was more to do with the spear at Gulliver’s throat than the threat of blunt force trauma.

‘So,’ Christopher addressed Maple, ‘I see no feather, you’re not with these guys, are you? I can’t tell what you’re supposed to be. Ah, I bet you’re with the Magicians, you can’t trick me that easily!’ He smiled sinisterly. ‘Making alliances now, are you? You should know that’s not allowed.’

‘No,’ Maple defended himself. ‘I’m actually from-‘

‘He is with us,’ Maggie jumped in. ‘I told him not to keep the feather in his pocket but he didn’t listen. Dropped it down below.’

‘Doesn’t look like a bird to me,’ Christopher murmured suspiciously. ‘Isn’t that your theme?’

‘He’s a penguin, of course,’ Maggie improvised.

‘Oh yeah? What’s your name “penguin”?’

‘He’s named after the sound a penguin makes.’

‘A honk?’

‘Absolutely.’ Maggie cursed herself for thinking a penguin made a whoop sound, which would have made a better name than- ‘Honky. Honky the Penguin.’

‘Well well, I suppose that does make sense. I’m a little disappointed, to be frank, I thought we might have caught you breaking rules,’ Christopher said, the tone of suspicion lifting from his voice. ‘Right then, I don’t think we’ve got anything of interest here, just hand over your goods and-‘

‘Hang on!’ Maple shouted, much to the dismay of his companions. ‘That’s a terrible name! Down below “honky” means-‘ Maple stopped himself suddenly, about six syllables too late.

Chief Christopher raised his eyebrows. ‘Aha!’ he cried, making Gulliver flinch and shield his head. ‘Down below? My ears are not deceiving me, are they? You have brought me something most interesting!’

Maggie glared at Maple.

‘Carl!’ Chief Christopher pointed a finger dramatically at one of the others. ‘We’re taking this further. If you please, take Caitlin and prepare the Pit of Numerous Spikes. Everyone else, round ‘em up!’

Two of the Chasm underlings ran back the way they came, the rest twirled their lassos. Chief Christopher kept his spear at Gulliver’s neck.

A lasso landed around Maple and tightened, tying his arms to his sides. The same happened to Po and Maggie.

‘And, if you could just tie yourself up,’ Christopher said, handing a rope to Gulliver. ‘Then we’ll be ready to go!’

As Gulliver tied himself up, the two Chasm members who had run off came back carrying an child’s paddling pool. They placed it down on the rooftop and threw in a handful of spiky metal objects that Maple vaguely remembered being toys called ‘Jacks’.

‘Here it is folks! The Pit… Of Numerous Spikes!’ Chief Christopher announced, arms stretched out. ‘Now begins the interrogation, we’ll play a game of trivia for it! Loser gets dunked in the pit! Are you ready, folks?’

Christopher beamed at them. Nobody said anything.

‘What’s wrong guys? Not digging the concept? You don’t look scared or excited.’ This wasn’t entirely true, Gulliver alone was both, but the rest were unimpressed.

‘Well,’ Maple said, risking speaking out of turn again. ‘It’s just not that much of a threat, I mean it’ll hurt but… it probably won’t hurt a considerable amount. I stepped on a plug once, that really hurt. Maybe a kiddie pool full of plugs would-‘

‘There is a plug, it’s how they let the water out.’

‘No, an electric plug.’

‘That would electrocute everyone in the pit, though.’

‘Not if there’s not any water- that’s not the point, I’m just saying little spiky toys aren’t much of a-‘

‘Yeah I’m gonna stop you right there and double down a little. How about instead of dunking you in the pool- uh, pit- I just chop off a hand for every wrong answer? (No passes either, I mean seriously, house rules just drag out the game for everyone).’

Maggie gave Maple another lethal glare. Maple was sure that’s what a spider’s eyes would look like if you mashed them all into one pair. He continued speaking anyway, knowing if he kept digging he’d possibly dig a hole deep enough that he could just start a new society of underground people who weren’t trying to cut off anybody’s hands.

‘Well, cutting off our hands doesn’t really fit your theme,’ he advised. ‘Dropping us into something- that does.’

‘What do you mean, exactly?’

‘You’re the Chasm. You drop people into stuff, like chasms.’

‘Chasms?’ Christopher thought for a moment. ‘Oh! No no no, we’re not Chasm with a “C”, we’re Kazzam. With a “K”. Two “Z”s’

The Wingspans broke out in a hushed “ohh” of realisation. Chief Kristopher continued.

‘Did you think this entire time that we were all about dropping people from high places? Wow, now that I think about it, we do that quite a bit. Nah, we’re all about show business. KAZZAM!’ He performed a crude, quite embarrassing jazz hands as he said this.

‘Well, to be fair it was Chief Po that said-‘

Maple’s eyes widened suddenly. The look on Kristopher’s face made it clear to Maple that this time he had dug himself into a cave filled with poisonous snake-bat hybrids.

‘Chief Po?’ Kristopher asked. ‘Now that brings up even more questions.’ He leaned and stared at Maggie. ‘You must be the Chief, then. Seems to me that you’ve been taking the lead.’

Maple glanced at the real Po but he was staring down at his feet, refusing to engage.

‘That’s right,’ Maggie said confidently. ‘What of it?’

‘Oh my good friend, I do believe you know full well what of it!’ Kristopher boomed. ‘Perhaps you should be our contestant for this evening!’

‘It’s not the eve-‘

‘Please! No speaking until you’re ready to answer my questions! Starting now, any wrong moves will lose you an appendage!’

Kristopher theatrically pointed a finger at Maggie, his other hand raised into the air, fingers splayed.

‘Question number uno!’ He pulled his hands in and started reading off an invisible card. ‘True or false: it is against rooftop law to declare a chief who is not the eldest of the gang.’

‘True,’ Maggie answered.

‘Well, judges, what do we think?’ Kristopher turned to the rest of his group. They started clapping.

‘No, you’re supposed to show the placards- ugh, forget it.’ He snapped back into his presenter persona. ‘Congratulations! That is indeed the correct answer! Take a look at the crowd! They love you!’

The other Kazzam members held up placards with green ticks on them.

‘No, no that’s not… that was- that-‘ he groaned quietly and then bounced back into a wide grin. ‘Moving on then! Question numero trois!’

‘That’s not-‘ Maple started, he saw Maggie eye him angrily but couldn’t help himself. ‘Two is “deux”.’

‘Deux?’ Kristopher questioned.

‘Yeah, deux.’

‘Don’t “yeah, duh!” me! You aren’t exactly in a position to be giving attitude!’

‘No, no I was just saying-‘

‘Question number two!’ Kristopher bellowed. ‘Do you have any idea how much trouble the Wingspans will be in when I tell the Market they’re harbouring a Belower!?’

‘Quite a lot,’ Maggie stated through gritted teeth.

‘Quite a lot indeed!’ Kristopher declared, almost abandoning the game-show pretence entirely. ‘Now then, are you ready for the final question? All or nothing!’

‘Yes.’

‘Here it is! Buzzers at the ready, folks!’ He smiled sickly. ‘What, if anything, will the Wingspans give to the Kazzam to keep their dirty little secrets? Try not to dawdle now! Time’s a-wasting!’

There was a long pause. A few seconds dragged out tenfold. ‘You can take our supplies. We’ve got three sacks full of bags.’ Maggie offered.

‘Oof! That’s a wrong answer! We can already take whatever you have. Tell you what, we’ll let you off that one, what else you got?’

‘What do you want? We don’t have anything else.’

‘She’s using a hint, everybody! Let’s see here… how about… you tell us where “Wingspan Alpha Base 1-Omega Colin Position Delta” is situated? No hints this time!’

‘We can’t tell you that. Who knows what you’d do?’

‘Oooh! That’s definitely a wrong answer! Judges, one of you has a sharp enough blade to cut through bone, right?’

‘Fine. Do it. I’m not betraying my gang.’ The situation didn’t seem to phase her. She spoke as if she was telling a fast food employee that there were no straws left.

‘Give it a few centimetres and you might.’

One of the “judges” brought over a rusty axe head.

‘How nasty!’ Chief Kristopher chuckled. ‘Now, untie one of her hands. Let’s say the left, don’t want her completely out of the game!’

‘I’m left handed.’

‘Oh well! I guess this is a bit of a setback, in that case.’

The “judge” loosened the ropes and freed her right hand. She didn’t correct him. He pulled her over to a nearby chimney and rested her hand on it, the wrist just hanging over the edge.

‘Viewers be advised, this is most certainly not going to be pretty. On my command.’

The “judge” raised the axe head about a foot above Maggie’s wrist.

‘Ready.’

Maple turned to Po. He was now looking the complete other way.

‘Set.’

Gulliver had turned pale. His eyes were fixed on Maggie’s arm.

‘Chop!’