#I AM GENUINELY EAGER TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS IN THE MOVIE OMG

[missxoier]

Dude what the fuck with the new Shazam trailer?? ☠️☠️

It's like... Damn it seems that Freddy will have more prominence and I'm excited BECAUSE HE LOOKS VERY ANGST AND IS IT LIKELY TO BE KIDNAPPED??? WHAT

[musicalmoritz]

What are your thoughts on the chapter 118? MitsuKou fans are eating GOOD I can say that much

My thoughts on the best chapter thus far of the current arc? I’m glad you asked

I must say this chapter launched me into a full blown Mitsukou/Soukou brainrot. I have like a million fic ideas for both of them now and there’s no way I can possibly write all of them AND complete my requests so I just have to be sad. But omg, what a chapter!! I’m still stuck on the “smothered him with attention” line, that sounds like some shit I’d write. And ofc Kou being “captivated by that loser.” Ugh they’re so in love. I am now fully convinced that Sousuke had a crush on Kou in the former timeline when he was alive, you literally cannot convince me otherwise

The fact that if Kou’s mother hadn’t died and his father wasn’t neglectful, he would’ve used his free time to befriend Sousuke…and him being the one to save Sousuke’s life in the new timeline…oh I’m ill. The finger scene. Kou’s little blush. MITSUBA TEACHING KOU HOW TO USE A CAMERA BY STANDING BEHIND HIM AND GUIDING HIS HANDS. This was their cheesy romcom moment. The dead wife montage in an action movie

I love how their former selves are trying to reach out to them. No.3 was so unhappy with his existence to the point of wanting to die, and he wanted Sousuke’s life so badly but now that he’s lost it all he wants it back. Kou learned during the Red House arc that it’s okay if life is complicated, it’s okay if he’s stressed and doesn’t have everything he wants, and now he has to see a version of himself live in blissful ignorance. I don’t understand how people can say this timeline is better unless they’re fluff addicts, them staying in this timeline would do nothing for their character arcs and the overall narrative themes of growing up and facing reality. This life may be easier, but it robs each of them of their natural growth. I understand people are gonna have different preferences but the conflict of the old timeline MADE the story, do ppl rly want all of that to be thrown away for some “and then it never happened” ending?? Do you genuinely think it would be better writing if we never saw No.3 Mitsuba again and his arc ended with another shock value death???

Sorry for the rant lol, I couldn’t help myself. Absolutely no offense to anyone who prefers this timeline, it’s not like the fans are writing the story anyways so these opinions are harmless

I love how every version of Mitsuba wants to be someone else, they each perceive themselves as the “fake one” (excluding OG Sousuke) and feel disconnected from their existence. When I get around to writing my character analyses for TBHK I WILL talk abt all the queer allegories that go along with Mitsuba’s character but for now I’ll hold my tongue. All ik is this chapter made me love Sousuke sm more

Oh, and adult Amane…jump scare of the century. I can’t wait to see what his role is in this new timeline, I have a feeling it may be similar to Baby Tsukasa in the previous one. I love whenever the Yugi twins interact with Mitsuba (yes even the angst with Tsukasa) so that scene made me cheer. Also Kou saved his boyfriend!! Yippee!!

Sousuke and Kou wanting to run away together gave me major Picture Perfect Amanene vibes. Also HKOTO vibes, pls bring back the yaoi kidnapping🙏🏻

I think that’s all I have to say, Mitsukou fans were well fed this chapter. I’m eager to see the next one, still manifesting that Kou villain arc

[purplerose244]

My thoughts on Seabound!!! 🌊🌊🌊 (4/4)

Here we are! What a journey, and while perhaps this season wasn't at MoM level it was REALLY good, with great new villains/allies, great little throwbacks and an awesome story! 🤩

How to get this was very good to great? Give me a very good ending Seabound!! 💕💕

Alright, here we go!

GENERAL THOUGHTS

I genuinely got too much into this remaining four episodes and forgot to put any general thoughts 😅 So you'll see me rambling at the end, see you there 😉

THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM

This title really summarize my feelings so far, like, I'm seriously wondering how it will move on from now, but I do expect the outcome to be CRAZY 🤯

Aaahhhh, yep, the one in Shintaro is a fake 😅 I wonder when did the change happen? How did Kalmaar pulled that off, wow

I'M SORRY WHY ARE WE PUTTING THE TITLE SCREEN WITHOUT THE INTRO?? THAT'S A FIRST EPISODE STUFF AND IT HONESTLY SCARES ME??? It reminds me of Winds of Change too and that episode was WOW 😭😭😭

Heeeeyyy, it's youuuu... huh... *watch scribble on hand* google snake guy, huh... Glucose... yep, good old Glutine and everything 😅

Are we having a "I may have made a mistake being evil" with this guy?

Jay: ah, Prime Empire! I was in that game you know! I fought for my life and the ones of all of Ninjago and I've seen my best friends and the love of my life die before my eyes... good times 🙂

Jay and Nya having fun at DDR has to be one of my favorite thing, they are so in sync and so lovable ❤💙❤💙

DID THEY ACTUALLY PUT THE JAYA SHIP NAME INTO THE SHOW??? OMG GUYS THE FANDOM IS TAKING OVER THE SHOW AT LAST!!! 🤯🤯🤯 The electric Jaya, heeeyy, niiicee 😎😎😎

HOW CUTE CAN YOU BE

MY SHIP 💙❤💙❤ They even gave each other high gives... this is neat, and it means something awful will happen right 🙂

Commissioner: he's saying something about a giant snake... and the end of the world... didn't we already have something like that?

Okay yep, he did the trick while fighting Nya, dang Kalmaar is sneaky! Not too shabby... but I gotta say, the summoning of the Great Devourer was a lot more dramatic ��🤣 Props to the serpentine, still my favorite snakes 💪💪

Wojira seems to be a little smaller than the Devourer maybe? His head way bigger than the bounty, while hers is not that massive even in comparison with Kalmaar

I might be wrong but at first glance, I stand by my opinion and by the superiority of the OG giant snake 🤷‍♀️

Yep Glutine guy did have a change of heart, better late than never 🤷‍♀️

You're telling me that Jay doesn't do engineering anymore, okay... HOW IS KAI A BETTER SOLUTION??? 🤣🤣🤣 Lol look at the messy brothers, love Lloyd and Kai so much I miss them interact 💚❤💚❤

Thank you Kelly for the alert 😗

It makes me wonder if they actually do have simulations of evacuations often, it would be pretty smart considering the city 🤷‍♀️

OKINO IS THERE HI DUDE!!! 😍 I hope he's doing great! 🥰🥰

Gail Gossip! Been a while!

WOW, this is going Deluge like, my first Spinjitzu Master! 😱 How... how do we go with three episodes from here? Like, I'm guessing Nya will have to do what Nyad did before her (which TERRIFIES me), so are they going to struggle trying to find another way? IDK BUT I'M IN LET'S GO!! 🤯

ASSAULT ON NINJAGO CITY

Alright, pretty straightforward title, let's see what we got here!

Tourists?... that actually makes sense, I mean, I would want to visit all the places where history was made on this island 😍 Aww nice to see they remember the battle against Garmy of Hunted, also that it is known that Jay was the one who faced Unagami 👍👍

DARETH!!! 🤎🤎🤎

Where have you been you knucklehead, I've missed you! 💕 I think I've last seen him in a commercial from the Fire Chapter?

This is a terrible guide 😵 Not knowing the brown ninja? Owner of the dojo the Green Ninja had trained in? Brief commander of the Stone Army? Master of makeup and puffy potstickers? Unforgivable, someone fire this woman ASAP 😡😡

LOOK AT DARETH TAKING CHARGE!!! 🤩 He's right, he should get involved every once in a while, come on guys!

Ah okay good, I'm not the only one struggling with that google snake name 😂

Yay Bentho is fully integrated with the team! He is a great addiction, like, I know he'll probably take the throne at the end or something but I do hope we'll need his help again in the future! 💙

Sometimes I forget how much I love Kai and Zane interacting 🤣 The brainiac and the airhead 🤍❤🤍❤

Oh right, Cole came back from Shintaro! So... now in this extremely secret city there is a fake amulet hanging into a highly secured place... how is it always Shintaro the keeper of flukes? 😂😂

A bath as a boat but it has a whole 😂😂 I love this show's randomness

What ears are they supposed to cover 😅

I LOVE THIS ATMOSPHERE!!! 😍😍😍 Between the gray sky of storm and the sea underneath, this is the perfect scenario for Wojira and it's not even forced! I love how they are handling backgrounds for Ninjago recently, I really hope it gets as good as in the finale of Prime Empire 💙💙💙

AAAAAAHHHHHhhhhh okay for a moment I was scared Wojira was going to eat Jay 😅 After The Island this is already the second time Bluebell risks it... STOP

WHY THE CLIFFHANGER!?!?

NUUUUU WHAT NOW??? 😱😱😱 We have two more episodes, how is this going to end? I DON'T KNOW AND I REALLY WANT TO PLEASE GIVE ME A GOOD FINALE SEABOUND!!! 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

NYAD

I AM SCARED FOR MY WATER LILY OKAY

Daaaang she can just float on that? She got super good at controlling water! Now I want her and Kai just randomly flying around with their powers 😂😂 Kai got missiles in his hands come on 🔥🔥🔥

JAY CAN YOU LET ME WORRY ABOUT YOU GUYS ONE AT THE TIME??? 😱

What would Kai do? WHAT WOULD KAI DO?? DID YOU DECIDE YOU WANT TO DIE JAY WHY WOULD YOU THINK OF HIM??? ... although technically Kai is the only one with Jay who didn't straight up die before coming back to life in a dramatic moment... huh... Kai might be the most reasonable choice after all 😅

We grew up from Ninja never quit to NINJA AREN'T IDIOTS AND KNOW WHEN TO GET THE HECK OUT 😎😎 Even our motto got a character development 💪

JAY NOOOOOOOO 😱😱😱😱

BENTHO YAAAAAAASSSS 🥳🥳🥳🥳 Did I ever say that I love shark boy? BECAUSE I FREAKING DO!! 💙

Master prankster Wu once again, take that empty ship Calamari head 😎 Although the poor bounty doesn't deserve to get destroyed as many times as it did until now, it's my favorite ship... pun intended 😜

Ah more ninjajan, wait a moment

"Auto Pilot". Fair enough, although I was hoping for a "psych" or something 😂😂

NO WAIT NO WHAT THE HECK!!! I THOUGHT JAY GOT SAVED HE INHALED WATER??!? BLUEBELL NOOOO!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

But Cole running to his best friend immediately? HECK yes 🖤💙🖤💙

NYA CARRYING HER BOYFRIEND BRIDAL STYLE THIS IS THE RIGHTEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!!! ❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙 Gosh this season gave me amazing Jaya moments, I've been fed 👌👌

Okay Lloyd pacing back and forth? Kai already mad at their enemies? All the guys eager to help Jay? MY FAVORITE NINJA FAMILY BABY!!! 😎😎

I NEED A MOMENT 😭

Oh... oh gosh I knew Nya doing the Nyad thing was meant to happen, but this way? My heart is melting already 😭

I remember a post that said that Jay told Nya that he loves her many times, while she never did. Tommy reponded that she lets her actions speak... boy do I see it now, I see all of her love 😢😢

I never felt such conflicting emotions for a villain like I do for Kalmaar, like, he caused so much pain to Nya... but he is voiced by Giles... but he is the reason Jay is hurt... but that startle gag 😂😂😂

Okay this? Is adorable?

What the HECK? The police in this city is generally not very helpful, but the Commissioner is very wholesome 💜

Nyaaaaaaa 😭😭😭😭 I didn't think it was possible to love her even more, she was ignored for so long during the show, but now we finally see all of her. She is an amazing warrior, a selfless person, and a real hero 💪💪 And coming from such a mature girl that doesn't like to act irrationally, this means so much more

Jaya grew up so much, it went through some very questionable phases yes, but what they have here? It's the result of all they had lived together 💙❤💙❤

I have chills, this is amazing so far, I'm legit scared of going further 😱

SHE SAID IT!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Okay this moment, everything, EVERYTHING, is absolutely marvelous. Nya said I love you without a voice, alone, showing again that she values the actions more, but still her feelings are 100% truthful. Then the transformation (THERE IT IS HER BEAUTIFUL WATER FORM 😍😍😍), Jay getting saved, the realization of what she just did from everyone... DANG IT IT'S ALL BEAUTIFUL HOW LONG DID IT TAKE TO THINK OF THIS SCENE???

*slow clap for Bragi, Tommy, and the Ninjago crew*

Jay and water Nya with their hands together gives me big The Form of Water vibes... LOVE THAT MOVIE WHO'S READY FOR AN AU??

Jay wants to help her, I had no doubt 💙 They always help each other in these BOUNDs seasons 😍😍😍

Kalmaar: where are the ninja??

Commissioner: I don't know, they are ninja!

FINAL BATTLE INCOMING AAAAHHH I HOPE THIS WILL HAVE A GOOD ENDING OMG BRING IT!!! 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

THE TURN OF THE TIDE

Oh, curious title? It feels a little vague, I don't really know what it could be

YES GIRL GO GET HIS CALAMARI BUTT HECK YES!!! Just how cool can you be for walking slowly while the attacks go straight through you? 😂

Hey Nya still recognizes Jay! 😃😃

HEY NYA GOT VAPORIZED WTH 😱😱 It's too early, I don't believe that's it!

WHOA JAY WENT BERSERK JUST NOW!! I don't think I've seen this before, this is the coolest thing! 💙💙💙 I just love when he shows how strong he is, you can be a comic relief AND kick butts 😎

FIGHTING ANIMATIONS MAN I LOVE THESE SCENES!! 😍😍😍

What the- was... was that a cameo of the lightning chicken? Ninjago what the HECK I love your randomness 😂😂

BENTHOMAAR TAGS IN!!! Showing off why he is best boy of the season 💙 These fightings are very cool but I can't help imagining Wojira just chilling while there are midgets getting very angry at each other onto her head 🤣🤣🤣

WHOA, CALAMARI BITE! Kalmaar got the Pythor treatment... might change color by next season if he returns 😅

(Please return I loved having Giles' voice in this season 💙💙💙)

NYA IS A DRAGON!!! I REPEAT NYA IS A DRAGON!!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍 I was wondering where the dragon moment was, this is Ninjago after all 🤷‍♀️

Head empty, just Jay smiling softy at Nya because he loves her 💙💙💙

IT'S RAINING NYA, HALLELUIA IT'S RAINING NYA, HEYE!! ☔☔☔ This fight is MASSIVE! We had finales with big creatures before but now one of the ninja is big enough to face them and that's 🤯

NYA DID IT!!! 🤩🤩🤩 ... now onto the angst that I KNOW it's coming

Kai being unbelieving is tragic, and Jay's "don't leave me" broke my heart. Please end this misery, where is the deus ex machina that solves everything?

Wait she left?

...

WAIT SHE ACTUALLY LEFT??? WHAT THE HECK THEY AREN'T ENDING IT LIKE THIS

...

OH MY GOSH

ARE THEY?!?

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

Omg the grief in this is beautiful, nice to see Jay and Maya so close to each other! Also Kai leaning onto his mom while Cole is comforting his best best friend? Amazing, they really do these scenes great 👌

EVERYONE SHOWED UP I LOVE THIS CITY SO MUCH 😭😭😭 Aww Ed and Edna, wasn't this such a sad situation I would be so much happier to see you guys 🥺

Master Wu even mentioned that she built Samurai X, you really want to make me cry now do you? 🥺🥺

MAYA AND RAY 😢😢😢😢😢😢

Omg look at Cole being there for his best friend, he is amazing 🖤💙🖤💙

I have such Rebooted vibes from this... is it hopeful? That Nya comes back like Zane? She's no nindroid but still... oh my gosh they got her symbol on the vase I just noticed, I need more tissues 😭😭

"In loving memory of Kirby Morrow". Always in our hearts 🖤🖤🖤

...

Wow

WOW

THEY ACTUALLY DID IT I NEED ANOTHER MOMENT 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 WHAT IN THE WORLD THIS IS THE BIGGEST CHANGE THEY DID IN A WHILE!!!

AND NOW WHAT??? 🤯🤯🤯

FINAL THOUGHTS

I'm speechless... like that's true, have A LOT to write over here 😅

This type of plot twist reminds me of our early seasons. Zane sacrificing himself, Garmadon giving up his life, those moments that made me so curious and excited about the following. I have no idea what will be the outcome for this, but I can't wait to find out

With that out of the way, AMAZING SEASON 😍😍😍 I think this finale beats MoM's, just because it was really unexpected and opens up a SEA of possibilities... yeah too soon 😭

I'm still shaken, my world, they did something HUGE and I do hope it will be a good shake to the entire Ninjago plotline. Nya is "gone", we still don't know about the person behind all that vengestone, we haven't heard from Garmy in forever, there are so many good ideas out there now that they've set the ground for more 🤩🤩

Voice acting was *chef's kiss*, not only for the villain which I already stressed enough about, I think Kelly reached a new level of emotional intimacy with Nya and I'm so happy she showed her skills 💜💜

Animation is TOP, there's little to no point into saying anything else since they showed it very clearly in the latest season ☺

This was the emotional, witty and engaging writing I was looking for! Good jokes, meaningful dialogues, emotional scenes, everything was really good and I'm gonna rewatch some scenes especially for that 😍

It turned out having Maya and Ray back was kind of a distraction to fool us all 😅😅 Well played actually, and it was very cool seeing them again in any case 🙋‍♀️

And now? Jay lost his love, I have no idea if the show will work on him getting over her or hold onto her memory (thinking of Jay probably the latter, although I do think that handling the first would be an interesting idea). KAI LOST HIS SISTER 😢😢😢 I have no doubt he's gonna beat himself up for it, like he did when Zane was gone too. Everyone lost their friend, she had become such a vital part of the team and now she is not here anymore it will be hard...

They are back with the four plus one green savior formation, I sincerely don't know how I feel about that 😅 I'm always happy when we get the OGs, but this is about going on without Nya... maybe Skylor will be called? Or Pixal will be more active? That could be interesting to see, who knows 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Gosh, how are they going to handle the next season? It will have to give A LOT of answers to the millions questions we all have right now. Man I can't wait, it could be anything!!! This is a Ninjago revolution!

But if I have to mention a little complain, and I'm a fangirl so I absolutely have to, Kai didn't show much of a reaction to Nya's "departure". Okay, she didn't straight up die like in Skybound (I'm gonna fear all BOUND seasons from now on 😱), but he's her brother and he loves deeply his family. Either we're gonna see him go all out next season, or the writers really did only focus on Jaya. A tiny bit salty... but you got me a fantastic finale so I'll move on 👍

Outstanding, I'm blown away. Whenever I think I'm used to this show they do stuff like this. I'm so glad and sad you guys 😅 But mostly happy that despite everything I still get very strong emotions while I watch this long time favorite show of mine 💜💜💜

What else can I say at this point? ONTO NEXT SEASON!!! 🤩🤩🤩

Thank you for reading me freaking out over LEGO spinning ninja as always! It helps me calm down but this time it might be harder thant the others... *sobs*

I need to lay down and process all of this, I'll be on my way 😂😂 BYE!!! 💜

[kiwikyuu]

━━━━━━ under the stars & in your arms ; yamaguchi tadashi

summary when you get stood up on prom night by your date, captain of the volleyball team yamaguchi tadashi steps in / inspired by 'cherry' by harry styles

word count 1.03k

genre imagine ; fluff, slight angst

warning(s) feelings of insecurity, public embarrassment (getting stood up / rejected), cursing, not edited

a/n i really am a sucker for captain yams omg but yeah this popped into my brain while listening to wonder so here ya go <3

lowercase intended

❝ THIS IS ME ASKING YOU OUT ON A DATE. ❞

why was it that in movies, prom looked like the night you would never forget, the night of your life? why was it that on tv, prom looked like the pinnacle of the high school experience?

"i'm sorry." your date stood sheepishly before you, guilt crept through the windows of his eyes. but even so, you noticed the way he glanced at someone in the corner of the room. "i shouldn't have led you on the way i did."

you wanted to scream, maybe even cry, but instead you smiled. "it's okay. you had someone else in mind from the beginning. who am i to interfere?" and before he could utter another word, you had started walking away.

you didn't care that everyone was probably staring at you. after all, your date hadn't been as private as he could have been about the entire situation. you were embarrassed, of course you were, but you didn't have it in you to argue tonight of all nights. eyes followed you as you made your way to the door. and you would have left if not for the person that stepped in front of you just before you could.

"leaving so soon?" you lifted your gaze to meet the gentle eyes of yamaguchi tadashi, captain of the boys volleyball club and one of the boys of your year that had quite a following of girls and guys on his tail. yamaguchi was popular and good looking just as much as he was kind, a killer combination that caught almost everyone's attention. he offered you a warm smile as his hand came up to the back of his head. "i was hoping you could stay a bit longer actually."

you blinked. "why?"

"ah, well, actually i wanted to dance... with you," he mumbled, cheeks tinted pink under the dim lighting of the venue. was this a joke? "but if you need some fresh air, i know a really cool spot for stargazing."

"are you serious? you're not — " you looked around the room, watching the curious stares of everyone trained on you as whispers of rumors no doubt were beginning to spread. "you're not fucking with me, are you?"

yamaguchi looked at you with genuine confusion. "why wouldn't i be serious?"

your cheeks flared with warmth at his question. "i don't want to be led on again. happened once already tonight, and um, i'm not the biggest fan of it."

it was then that yamaguchi took his eyes off of you to sweep the room. he spotted your ex-date talking eagerly to someone else as well as the many eyes on the both of you. when his eyes landed back on you, he could see the way you had become discouraged. so he held his hand out to you. "fuck it. let's get out of here. we can grab food and go stargazing. this is me asking you out on a date, y/n. what do you say?"

you don't know if you would have said yes any other day, but maybe it was the smile he put on your face despite everything that had happened already that night or the way your heart skipped a beat at his words that made you decide to take his hand and say, "yes."

two hours later you ended up in the back of his pick up truck, swamped in a fuzzy blanket beside him with an assortment of mcdonalds and convenience store food before the both of you. music hummed softly in the background of your conversation.

"you didn't ask anyone to prom," you pointed out, a chicken nugget in one hand and sauce in the other.

"someone beat me to it before i could ask you," yamaguchi countered causing you to grow with warmth. "i had something really big planned too. even got tsukki — shima in on it too." you giggled at his stumbled words, but he continued, albeit slightly embarrassed now. "but i'm not going to tell you since you're laughing."

you shook your head. "no, tell me. i want to know."

yamaguchi paused. you were staring at him with curious eyes as you set down your chicken nugget sauce and reached for an onigiri. he thought you were absolutely adorable, so he pretended to think a little longer. "i'll tell you if dance with me."

"i have greasy chicken nugget fingers," you deadpanned, and he let out a laugh at your honesty.

"so do i. let's dance." he wiped his fingers hurriedly on a napkin before tossing a clean one your way. yamaguchi hopped down from the truck with ease gracefully while you awkwardly and clumsily fell out. you landed with an oomph! against him, his hands coming to steady you immediately. a cocky grin you hadn't seen before crossed his face. "eager, are we?"

you rolled your eyes at him, pushing him away. "shut up, you green yam."

he scoffed sarcastically. "how original. a yam! i would have never thought of that." maybe hanging around tsukishima was paying off. "call me tadashi."

"in your dreams, loser," you replied boldly despite the heat spreading through your body like a wildfire.

yamaguchi thought you looked amazing, but now as he watched you under the moonlight and sky full of stars, you were nothing short of ethereal. he took your hand in and pulled you close against him. comfortable silence settled on the both of you as soft music carried through the night air from his truck.

"i really really like you, y/n," he said suddenly. "and i'll wait until you feel the same because i have time." he smiled through his next words. "but considering the fact that you can barely look at me in the eyes, i don't think i'll have to wait long."

"shut up. you have greasy fingers," you replied despite leaning your head against his shoulder.

but yamaguchi just hummed along with the music in response as he pressed a gentle kiss to the crown of your head. and as the wind blew against your hot skin and the thundering rhythm of your heart rushed through your ears, you realized why this was the type of night you'd never forget.

[jean----ralphio]

Ep 5 of BoB tiiiime <3

Episode 5: Crossroads, but I’m renaming it “Holy crap is this a whooper of an ep, guys. So much haaaappeeeeens. Also, I freaked out cos I thought it was Bastogne but now I’m like oh phew. That’s for Future!Laura to freak out about”.

Ready? Let’s go!

01:15 Johnny ‘unimpressed’ Martin pulling one of his patented bitch-faces in the credits, we stan.

02:31 OHHHHH IT’S IRL DICK! We love you!!!

03:45 God I love the technique they use with the shaking, ground-level camera whenever Dick is running. It’s so realistic. And how he’s gasping for breath. Not like in movies when people just seem to run forever so easily. This whole scene, the pacing and the setting, you don’t know what’s happened or what’s happening currently, all you know is he’s running and alone and breathless and it’s all so frantic and my heart just cannot take it with this fucking show you guys!

04:04 Oh God. The kid. He sorta smiles? He doesn’t get it at first. I can’t.

04:10 SCHOONDERLOGT??!! THIS PLACE IS CALLED SCHOONDERLOGT? I LOVE IT!!!

04:34 Wake up from your post-coital nap, Nix!

04:42 Genuinely thought Dick was slapping his butt LMAO

04:46 HOE DON’T DO IT

04:55 I love how Dick is horrified for exactly a split second and then he’s just like LOL. Real talk, when does he laugh around anyone but Nix? He smiles around others but not the same as when he’s with Nix, and he sure as heck doesn’t laugh. Except for maybe with Harry. But Harry’s Harry, it’s a given.

05:15 Nix has forgiven him quickly, it seems. Probably because Dick let him sit in the front seat.

05:22 They’re so married.

06:13 Don’t flirt with Dick’s husband, Hot Brit.

06:23 He just did it again, after I specifically told him not to! You’re on thin ice now, Hot Brit.

06:47 Dick hasn’t been doing his homework.

06:54 No Dick, Nix is busy with his new hot friend, go do your homework.

07:07 What happens if you make a mistake on a typewriter? Can’t backspace lol. Imagine all that typing, getting to like the last character and fucking it up.

07:26 DOGGIE!

08:00 OK I’m sorry which guy was it that just burst in screaming “PENETRATION!” I need to marry them even though I’m already married, and I don’t think it was Rich. Whoever it was, I want to shake their hand, at least.

08:17 No. Do not blame Lieb for anything, ever.

08:29 Roe in action <3

08:39 “Hey Alley.” “Heyyy.” I love them. My babies <3

08:53 The boys want revenge.

09:33 Lol @ Tab, “They’re not as smart as me and you?”

10:23 ISTG I need a translation or subtitles for the hand-signals. I would hard out be chillin at the back yelling “WTF MAN. DICK! HEY DICK! I. DO. NOT. UNDERSTAND. YOU.” And then we’d all die cos they’d hear.

10:26 RICH! IT’S RICH YOU GUYS!!!

11:22 RICH <3

12:14 LMAO Lieb is so excited.

12:33 Dick is so fucking smart, making sure everyone has a target to eliminate so they’re not outnumbered for long and the most immediate threats are taken care of <3

12:38 RICH <3 It’s so cool to see him doing his mortar thing, not just comic relief or providing me with dopamine by simply existing.

14:29 The gunshots and then crossing to the typewriter keys ugh this shooooooow

15:40 Enter?? LMFAO Who says that!! Oh look, Nix has come to apologize for encouraging the flirtatious Hot Brit. He missed you <3

15:52 Dick is in love with Nix. And Nix is in love with Dick. Husbands <3

16:15 This entire exchange is the most A+ flirting. I love how Dick just plants the thought and leaves it to Nix. He doesn’t push. He accepts Nix as he is and <3’s him

16:59 LOL @ Nix “That’s not literature… say ‘we’ a lot,” so supportive and helpful.

17:35 Nervous boys

17:41 Johnny ‘unimpressed’ Martin is starting to bitch-face, watch out…

17:52 Oh no.

18:12 Lol @ Lieb, you can see he’s yelling

18:35 Dick looks so BAMF

19:11 Hoob, it’s not a competition!

20:00 Web <3

20:08 Johnny, chill!

20:48 Oh Web. “Jesus Christ, they got me!” Rivalling Buck for being dramatic af, baby

21:24 Aw Dick

21:36 Lieb find some chill for once in your life. Are you upset Web got hurt?

21:42 Do not speak to your father that way!

21:59 You’re in time-out, young man!

22:17 Ross McCall is freaking hot omg. LMAO @ Lieb though, his Dad is not happy and now he’s grounded.

22:30 No, Web, no one believes much of what you say tbh, sweetie. Still <3 you though.

24:01 You can tell it’s Nix by the way he walks and his shoulders <3333

24:16 Nix doesn’t know who that is aw

24:34 Aw Nix trying to be comforting and supportive the way Dick was to him earlier. But his husband is too moody.

25:53 I love that Sink asks it that way, “How would you feel?” Rather than surprise bitch you’re doing it. I mean you don’t say no to that kinda thing but still. Sink = <3 He’s such a babe

26:16 RICH! EVERYONE STOP, NOTHING ELSE WILL EVER MATTER IT’S RICH. I was starting to miss him in case you couldn’t tell. Lol wtf is he doing to Penk’s ear, and why with a spoon??!!

26:26 Aw Dick. He wants to know his sons will be well looked after by their new stepdad.

26:35 ROE <3

26:47 Nix couldn’t stay away long

27:05 NIX! No!

27:14 LMAO bacon sandwich. Loves how Dick gives the report to Nix, not his orderly.

27:26 He missed you obvs

28:13 Moose, you look after his sons!

28:29 Aw Dick can’t let go <3

28:38 Nix’s resigned little sigh and shoulder slump aha

28:54 Bull! Missed you! As identifiable as ever by the cigar… but is now the best time to be smoking it??

29:31 Their code is Leicester Square! So cute!

29:46 Lieb is so eager for blood-shed

30:40 Aw they gave Moose a beret!

30:39 Dick is jealous he doesn’t get a beret! But he’s so happy his sons are safe.

31:17 I always scream.

31:50 Roe <3 “Mo’phine.”

32:11 “You oughtta. You are officers, you are grown-ups! You oughtta know!” ICONIC. My heart. His faaaaace. Shane Taylor <3333

32:19 The bloody handprint omg

32:46 The boss jacket returns <3

33:11 Nix is so proud.

33:41 We missed you Bill <3

33:48 Dad’s a busy man now Bill.

34:25 “I don’t wanna see another piece of paper!” Dick is always such a mood. Never change, Dick <3

34:20 Whatcha doing, Nix? About to propose? God I wish. You know Dick would say yes.

34:35 Don’t interrupt the proposal, Harry!

34:42 Dick and I are just both going to pretend we didn’t hear that, Nix. Canon not accepted.

34:59 Dick would rather be with you tbh

35:30 So they all just sit around in parade dress? Wait is that parade dress? It is, isn’t it? Someone @ me?

35:34 Rude

36:05 Dick. Don’t stare at the child, Dick.

36:52 Dick. Stop. Seriously.

38:05 Can’t tell if that’s cute or weird tbh

38:31 He’s moping cos he misses Nix

39:03 Unf

39:30 Joe/Charlie <3 Missed you

39:38 I don’t know what I love more, Luz being such a troll or Rich. Hang on, what am I saying. Rich.

39:44 RICCCHHHH

39:48 Iconic. ILY Rich

40:00 Easy Mum and Joe/Charlie are so mad lmao. The just wanna watch the movie, shut up kids.

40:17 Dad’s back, Buck, it’s OK now.

40:42 Oh Buck </3

40:57 Joe/Charlie is about to shank you, Luz, stop.

41:02 Iconic.

41:19 Who dis bitch?

41:23 All I see is Rich.

41:34 Rich! Dramatic af

42:02 Oh Buck </3

42:42 Dad’s not happy

43:09 Dad’s. Not. Happy.

43:54 Babe looking cute <3

44:09 Rich <33333333

44:40 Stop hazing the new kid, guys!

45:14 Rich LMAO “We can’t be in Hell, it’s too damn cold!” We <3 you

46:11 Strayer’s a bit useless, let’s be honest

46:31 Babe <3

47:50 LMAO JIMMY FALLON

48:00 Joe/Charlie just wants all the ammo

48:22 RICH

48:38 “We’re paratroopers, lieutenant, we’re supposed to be surrounded.” Dick you are an icon.

49:31 ITS RICH

49:54 Love that, Dick walking in the space between the rows of his men <3

50:19 So ominous 0.o

In conclusion, I love this show.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Magnolia

I don’t know much about Magnolia or Paul Thomas Anderson, but I do know that it takes someone paying me to get me to watch a 3-hr+ drama that doesn’t star Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, and a really big boat. This is one of my mom’s favorite movies which is why she requested it for me to review. It’s packed with a balls-to-the-wall star-studded cast (Tom Cruise! Julianne Moore! Phillip Seymour Hoffman! John C. Reilly! William H. Macy! Felicity Huffman!) and I’m genuinely excited to see how they all fit together. Cause they have to all fit together in some coherent way, right? Well...

Do you remember in Sorry to Bother You when the Equisapiens came out and things just took like...a real turn? That’s kind of what this was like. Whereas StBY pushed a thought to its most extreme, but logical, conclusion, what Paul Thomas Anderson has done here feels like a magician doing a lot of impressive illusions - sawing a lady in half, making a motorcycle disappear, pulling smaller things out of bigger things - and then for his final trick, walking onstage amidst a grand plume of smoke, dropping his pants, taking a gigantic shit, and then saying, “You’ve been a great audience, thanks a lot and goodnight!” It’s not like you can say the experience was BAD. Everything up to the finale was a really great time! But when you’re left on a note that is that bafflingly odd, it kinda colors the way you’ll remember the whole thing.

Magnolia is the story of one long day in the life of 12 people living in Los Angeles who are all connected via an extensive web from acquaintances to married couples to parents and children to paid caregivers and beyond. It’s a day that has the same kind of ups and downs as any other day until it, well, turns into something else entirely. I’m not sure how else to explain it, but if you want to know more, spoilers will be spoiled below.

Some thoughts:

Patton Oswalt cameo! I am a massive fan and thought I knew his whole filmography and OMG how did I not know that he was in this!!

Ok, in spite of my skepticism this entire opening sequence about coincidence had me hooked IMMEDIATELY. Like, this is some damn good storytelling, if this were a novel, I would not be able to put it down - that pull, that’s what it feels like.

Am I the only person whose encyclopedic memory of character actors/roles gets distracted when they see someone from something that is wildly disparate compared to the role you’re currently watching? For example, I had to pause the movie and confirm via IMDB that I did just see Professor Sprout from HP scream “Shut the fuck up!” at her husband while brandishing a shotgun.

Would people really recognize a grown ass man from being a successful child game show contestant? I’ll tell you the answer, no they wouldn’t, because no one realizes that Peter Billingsley (aka Ralphie from A Christmas Story) is the head of the elf production line in Elf.

I knew this was a stacked cast, but holy SHIT this is a stacked cast. If I had $1 for every fantastic character actor I recognize in this, I would have at least $37, and these are people in the film who have maybe 2-3 lines each. It’s a deep bench is what I’m saying.

This makes me miss Phillip Seymour Hoffman so, so very much.

Watching PSH care for and be so compassionate and gentle with his hospice patient, Earl (Jason Robards),makes my heart ache terribly. All of the people who have been unable to perform this kindness, this type of compassionate care for their closest loved ones as they lie dying in isolation of Covid...it’s overwhelming.

OMG I’m counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Very Good Dogs in the old man’s house!

I know Scientology is evil and he’s undeniably a complicated and morally grey person. I know all that. But goddamn I just love watching Tom Cruise COMMIT. Particularly when he commits to just absolute fucking sleazebag slimeballs. And boy oh boy is Frank Mackey an absolute fucking sleazebag slimeball.

Related - I know Frank looks like Tom Cruise, so he could get people to sleep with him no matter what, but I honestly feel like as a human being, this flesh suit is WAY more attractive balding and fat in Tropic Thunder than he is in this shiny brown shirt/leather vest/long hair combo.

I’m getting an uncomfortable vibe about these black characters being written by an artsy white dude, because I don’t know any young black kids who want to hang around with cops and offer up information about who committed a murder in their building. In fact, the way all of the black characters are treated in this film - as liars, criminals, the disingenuous “main stream media,” and thieves - feels rooted in some racist ass bullshit. We see a lot of nuance in our white characters, but even in a film that has, shockingly, more than one key black role, we don’t get that spectrum or nuance.

There is nothing I would love more than to learn that Frank Mackey is 1) gay 2) impotent or 3) both. He’s so disgustingly over-the-top misogynistic, it honestly feels like it should all be a complete act.

I confess I am on the edge of my seat trying to figure out how all these narrative threads tie together. It’s compelling as hell, even though half the time I don’t know why these people are having these long, meandering conversations. The pacing feels so deliberate, like a puzzle coming together. There’s real craftsmanship in how every scene is plotted to feel connected rather than manic or disjointed.

This pharmacist is being unprofessional as hell. Judgy McJudgerson, mind your fucking business, Julianne Moore’s father is dying! [ETA: ope, that’s embarrassing, Earl is actually her husband.]

NO THE DOG IS EATING THE PILLS OH NO VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE DOG.

I think I knew this, but this soundtrack is fantastic. All Aimee Mann and Supertramp, and Jon Brion’s score is this thrumming, anxious thing full of strings that underscore all these nervous conversations, and then it shifts into these low, mournful horns when things start to take a turn and everyone is reaching their lowest points.

I love this interviewer (April Grace) who is taking Frank (Tom Cruise) to task. I think it’s particularly noteworthy that she is a black woman, because the kind of misogyny Frank peddles is rooted in white supremacy.

Stanley (Jeremy Blackman) is breaking my goddamn heart here. I think he and Phil (PSH) are my favorite characters.

Jim (John C Reilly) is the perfect example of how even a cop with the best intentions, with absolute kindness and love is in heart, is abusing his power and sexually harassing a woman he encountered in the line of duty, who is eager to appease him because she doesn’t want to be charged with a crime. This movie reads a LOT differently than it did in 1999.

I normally really love Julianne Moore, but she is a screeching mess in this. I can’t stop staring at her mouth and all the contortions it makes as she delivers every line in hysterics. She’s one of the few weak spots for me here.

Listening to Frank go on his whole diatribe about what society does to little boys to break them and victimize them HAS to be the source of where Keith Raniere got at least half of his NXIVM bullshit. Like, some of these points are word-for-word.

Also if Frank makes as much money as he seems to, there’s no way he would drive a shitty Saturn sedan.

It feels like the common thread of this movie is everyone is terrible and cheats on their spouses, and you should come clean when you get cancer so you can die peacefully. Weird moral, but ok.

If Jim is a cop, how does he not see that this woman he’s interested in (Melora Walters) is coked out of her mind?

Y’know for being a quiz kid, Donnie (William H. Macy) sure is kinda stupid.

I confess I’m not taking many notes throughout this because I’m just kind of sitting breathlessly still watching all these conversations unfold because I am on the edge of my fucking seat to find out how all this is gonna come together.

Secret MVP of this movie is the mom from A Christmas Story (Melinda Dillon) who is giving the performance of her goddamn life as Jimmy Gator’s wife.

Did I Cry? On the surface it appears ridiculous, but when Tom Cruise is having his breakdown at his dying father’s bedside, I admit, that really got me. If you’ve ever been faced with that kind of hysterical, I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening, it feels like the whole world is ending kind of shock and hurt and anger, that’s what the crying looks like.

Are those......frogs?? That landed on Jim’s car? It’s raining fucking frogs???? OK for those of you sensitive to frog harm, this movie is going to take a real hard left turn for you, because I swear that came out of NOWHERE.

Um.

What.

Pray tell.

The fuck.

The climax of this movie - is when literal frogs rain from the sky.

And we finally got resolution about the dog, and the dog DID die, and I’m pissed about it. It’s offscreen but still.

I'm sorry - I know I’m fixating. But how is it possible that I knew about all the characters performing a sing-along to Aimee Mann’s (excellent) song “Wise Up” but I did NOT know that the climax of the film involves literally thousands of frogs falling to their death from the sky? How is that something that escapes entry into the cultural zeitgeist? I’m with it, you guys. I have been Very Online for over a decade, and before that, I read a lot of Entertainment Weekly, and like it just seems that this is something that pop culture really should have told me.

I think the funniest moment of this movie might be the credits in which I discovered that not only is Luis Guzman playing a man named Luis, he’s actually playing himself. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop laughing about it. That was a 189-minute setup to one dumb punchline.

I think I loved this movie but I don’t quite know. The frog thing really threw me. What I’m taking away from it is that even when it doesn’t feel like it or seem like it, we are all connected to each other, always, in ways we can’t see or know. As Wife astutely pointed out, it’s reminiscent of the pandemic - we’re all in the same storm, but we each have our own boats and our own experiences within that storm. And it’s kind of nice to remember that right now, that connection still exists even when it feels so far away. Just not if you’re a frog I guess, cause they really got the short end of the stick here.

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[mskathywriteswords]

Cupcakes at Midnight - Chapter 2

No warnings this chapter.

I look at myself in the mirror, wondering where all the years have gone. It feels like last week I was a blushing bride, and yesterday I was picking up the pieces from a failed marriage. But it's been over a decade.

My phone is in the kitchen, I left it there purposely so that I wouldn't obsess over looking at it every five seconds.

Instead, I go through my regular nighttime routine, taking my time with each step. The normalcy of it comforts me. I can pretend that I'm not freaking out on the inside. I scoop the cat litter and refill his water as he meows, begging like he's never been fed before.

I walk back and look at the cupcakes. The cinnamon crunch is gone, of course, but the other three still intrigue me. I've never even heard of some of the flavor combinations Ava's made for me. But I want to try them.

The thought of putting them in my mouth makes me blush, which is ridiculous because surely I'm a grownup who can think dirty things without a childish reaction. I close my eyes and slide my tongue across the silky frosting. The tang of raspberry rises up and makes my mouth water even more. I'm about to dive in to the cake part of the cupcake when I notice my phone lighting up and buzzing.

Ivy must be late night texting me, maybe she's fighting with Matt again. I swear, I don't know if those two will make it to their actual wedding.

But there is a tinge of hope that it's not Ivy.

After debating forcing myself to wait longer to check, I pick the phone up and click the button on the side so I can preview the message.

It's from her.

What if she texted back to ask me to stop texting?

That would be dumb, since she's the one that gave me her number, right?

What if she says it was all a mistake and that note was meant for Ivy? That would make sense; Ivy is gorgeous and statuesque, and ... not me.

But she didn't give Ivy the box of cupcakes, did she?

I drive myself crazy with what-ifs, so I just open the text.

I'm so happy to hear from you. What are you up to tonight? Hope it's not too late to text

I start to tap out a reply, then delete it. Maybe I should wait until tomorrow to reply? Then I realize her message was blue, meaning she'd see the three dots if she happened to be looking at her phone.

And either way, even if it was only going to be a friendship, did I really want to wait and play games? Wasn't I done with all of that?

Another exciting Friday night, wrapped up in a blanket on the couch watching Netflix, very much enjoying these cupcakes. Thank you again. And no, not too late to text - I use the quiet functions once I go to sleep, so you're good to text me anytime

I smile, hoping I'm coming across as genuinely as I feel. When I see the three dots pop up on her side of the screen, my smile grows.

What's on your current to-binge list? Glad you're enjoying the cupcakes. Thank you for inspiring them

Thank god she's a text-in-complete-words person.

Before I walk back to the couch, I pour myself another cup of tea and eye the last two cupcakes. How many cupcakes was too many in one night? I shrug and grab the orange-swirled one.

Well, right now I'm in the middle of Derry Girls. Still have to catch up on Handmaid's on Hulu, but that won't be until after I get through a few (probably boring) documentaries.

Instead of clicking the phone off, I set it on the arm of the couch, face up, so I can see if she replies again. Maybe my TV choices would make her realize how utterly snooze-y my life is.

OMG, which epi of HT are you on? Haven't seen DG, good?

We exchange texts for a few hours, discussing different movies and tv series, finding common likes and dislikes. By the time I yawn for the first time, finally acknowledging how tired I am, I realize it's past 3 am.

Holy shit, I have to get to bed soon. Will you be around tomorrow?

Jane from five years ago would have thought it was being very forward of me to ask, but right-now Jane is enjoying the conversation and ready for more from life.

I will. Any chance we could continue this conversation in person?

I tap out my reply before I even have time to think it through or be too self-conscious.

Absolutely

Awesome. Let's play it by ear, but I'll see you tomorrow, J

The temptation to leave it there gets over-ruled by my giddy, smooshy feelings.

Goodnight. Sweet dreams

That's the last reply in the series, and I set my phone on the nightstand, long ago having moved to bed to charge my phone. I roll to my side and think about what tomorrow will bring. Cat curls up at my feet and makes his displeasure that we're all still awake very well known. My eyes can barely stay open, but my brain is a freight train of excitement.

The next morning, I debate what "too early" to text would be. I don't want to seem overly eager, but I don't want to intentionally withhold a message just to play some weird unwritten rule game.

I get my laundry done, sweep the kitchen, and putter as much as I can, until finally around mid-day, my phone chirps. Cat looks up at me, ever-annoyed that his nap has been interrupted.

Beer, pizza, and extraordinarily dark dystopian future tv watching?

I shake my head and laugh.

What could make for a better Saturday night?

I can think of a few things. For now, it sounds pretty good, right? Wanna meet at your place? Is that too weird / too soon?

Was that a date? Meeting at my place to watch tv?

Sure, not too soon at all. What time?

We make plans for a few hours later, and I'm still unsure if it's a date, but I decide it doesn't matter. I want more fun in my life, so even if we just hang out and get to know each other better, wasn't that the point?

When the doorbell rings, I practically jump out of the chair. I open the door, and Ava looks like she's just come from some punk band concert that would be way too cool for me to even consider. I laugh to myself.

"Hey, come in."

Her hands are full, but she makes her way past me, finding the kitchen immediately.

"I wasn't sure what pizza toppings you like? I don't know how we didn't discuss that. But I went with half cheese, half pepperoni, just to be safe. Sound okay?"

She smiles and a part of me wants to melt at how genuine it is.

"Yeah, sounds great. I'll just grab plates. Do you need a fork and knife?"

The look on her face is absolutely fucking priceless.

"A fork and knife? For what?"

"Oh man, Ivy is so funny, she had me convinced for a while that everyone eats pizza with a fork and knife. Thank god it's just her. I was starting to question everything about my twenties."

"No way. Pizza is a single hand, no utensil kind of food. That's part of what makes it so perfect. I wasn't sure what kind of beer you drink, so I just got something generic."

We open our cans and take them, the pizza, and a roll of paper towels to the coffee table. Between bites, we talk about the season of the show and how we each think it's going; we make predictions on where it might end up. Then finally, when the pizza is gone and we're left with just awkward silence, we put the show on.

I can see Ava looking around my apartment as we watch, maybe trying to learn things about my life? Her eyes are on a particular frame over my fireplace.

"That's my niece, Hailey," I say, smiling.

We're sitting across the couch from each other; not too far, but not too close. Cat was always between us, annoyingly adorable as ever.

"Do you have any siblings?"

She smiles. "Nope. Only child."

"Does that get lonely? I bet it was glorious growing up. No one to fight with for the TV remote, or what kind of pizza to have."

Ava shrugs and smiles, then turns her attention back to the TV. Her body had been angled toward mine, but she shifts, and then scoots closer. Horrible things happen on the show in front of us, but right in the room? She laces her fingers through mine and my whole body warms.

Is this what it's supposed to feel like?

A few hours, laughs, and cupcakes later, the sun has set and we're several episodes into another series. I'm surprised when Ava gets up, yawning. Her arms go over her head as she stretches, and I swear I almost die when I see a sliver of her skin between her shirt and pants.

"I open the bakery in a few hours. I'm sorry, I'm terrible company right now. I probably haven't said ten words in the last hour."

"No need to apologize," I say, standing and touching her arm. "You've been great company. I feel bad I've been keeping you. You were up so late last night, too. All my fault." I laugh, trying to downplay my disappointment that the night is ending.

"Mutual blame," she says, smiling and tugging my arm. It could be a friendly gesture, the hug, but I can't help but hope it's the beginning of something more than a friendship.

[prudencepaccard]

truly bizarre interaction that was like the intellectual equivalent of that thing at the karaoke bar

where this one guy who was part of a friend group I ended up hanging out with at a bar became progressively more deadpan hostile and competitive with me to the point that I finally returned his (explicit) challenges with a lighthearted plea for solidarity and then he claimed there was no competition but he’d LITERALLY SAID THERE WAS

it started with him asking me what my diss was on. I said “the imaginary of the bagnes metropolitains in the nineteenth century” and then used some synonyms in case he didn’t know what I meant because that happens sometimes, people only know one term so I was like “i.e., the bagnes metropolitains and the bagnes portuaires“ and he still seemed not to get it so I was like “travaux forces [hard labor]” and he was like “in what era?” and I repeated “the nineteenth century” and he seemed confused so I thought I’d address the most common source of confusion and said “not Guyana, not the colonies d’outre-mer, the bagnes metropolitains” and he was like “you mean Cayenne?” and I was like “not, precisely not that, the thing that preceded that” and he was like “Ah but that’s not travaux forces, that’s the bagne”

and I was like first of all, what, second of all I said “the bagne” first thing already but seriously what

and he was like “it’s not the same thing, travaux forces is anachronistic, we still have that today”

and I was like “but that was also a specific term used back then, a contemporary descriptive term. Along with the peine des fers. It’s in the code penal and it was used popularly. LIke you’re right that it’s not as specific as bagne but it’s not incorrect to use it interchangeably, they’re part of the same repertoire. Also I said bagne already”

and he’s like “well I didn’t hear you, sorry. And this isn’t an insult or anythiing but I’m just saying it’s wrong, French is very nuanced”

and I’m like “yes but it’s actually a very specific and correct term in this particular context. I get that there could be ambiguity potentially but since I’ve already estavlished that I’m talking about the bagne then travaux forces is a precise and apt term”

and he’s like “prisoners and bagnards aren’t the same thign”

and I’m like “yes but the word travaux forces can describe both. There’s overlap in some of the vocabulary and that’s one of the words in the middle of the Venn diagram. I get what you’re trying to say but you’re going too far”

“no, I don’t agree, you can’t use that term, it’s wrong”

“listen let me find an analogous example in English...so like, we use the term hard labor to describe actual practices today, right? but it’s still correct to say Oscar Wilde was sentenced to hard labor in the Victorian era”

“well how about the word slavery? would you use that interchangeably with travaux forces?”

“no, because it’s not juridique”

“aha see they’re three different things!”

“no they’re not that’s my point, there are two categories, travaux forces and the bagne have things in common with each other whereas slavery is in its own category”

“but they used the word slavery back then for the bagne too! [implying, I guess, that if it’s incorrect to say slavery for the bagne it’s incorrect to say travaux forces too]”

“only ona  metaphorical level, the bagne was never characterized as slavery in legal documents etc. Travaux forces is a technical term”

“hey sorry I need a smoke” and then he just ended it there

and then later he asked me how many languages I knew. I’d already complimented him on his English and been genuinely impressed that he knows/dabbles in four languages which is more than I study seriously

but he was still just...like this. I told him I was only fluent in French and English but that I’d studied Russian in college and Mandarin as a middle schooler. I was very clear I suck at Russian and have forgotten all my Mandarin. Nonetheless later he made a reference to me speaking four languages and I said I didn’t and he kind of rolled his eyes and shrugged

and eventually he just...started quizzing me on words. Like do I know what this means, do I know what this means, it was super weird and confrontaitonal. And if you know me you know I have a SERIOUS complex about Getting Credit For PRecisely What I Know No More No Less. You also know that I am quite intellectually generous and will never be the first to start a competition but I also don’t like to lose so if I’m challenged I’ll be extremely petty and not my best self. While meanwhile trying to remain as collegial and kind and generous as possible under the circumstances. it’s weird like that

so there was this mix of me desperate to prove I knew a word when I did and ALSO being super chill and genuinely not insecure if I didn’t because I’m Happy to Learn. And BOTH these reactions seemed to spur him on. I think if anything the latter annoyed him more...like punching a too-yielding surface

That second act, btw, seems to have started when he said something slangy to his friend and then said “I ebt you don’t know what that means” and I said “yes I do!” (but like in a cheerful relaxed way because I didn’t know how weird this was going to get) and it turns out that I’d misheard what they’d said, like it was a good guess. But also he misunderstood what I’d misheard and said no I actually said XYZ which as another thing I didn’t hear him say at all (let alone mishear) and which had I heard it I actually WOULD have known what it meant becuase unlike the expression I’d (actually) misheard I knew what it meant. It was “entraver que dalle” which means “understand nothing” and it’s an expression I know from the title song of the movie “Rififi” (which I love so much I bought a lead sheet of it from the 1950s off French eBay and brought it to Marie’s Crisis. Unfortunately the key’s a bit high for me though). It goes “Vous avez l’air d’entraver qu’dalle, a mon histoire quand je vous parle, du rififi...” etc. Ironically about explaining slang. Anyway I like that phrase because it’s delightfully old slang but I’d never heard it said IRL for precisely that reason. So obviously I was kinda eager to show that I knew the expression and how etc. But he was just not returning the ball at all. Like I tried to do some wordplay like “I’ve always wondered wtf the origin of that expression is, it’s so weird, like [*”translates” it laterally in French by substituting synonyms for “entraver” and “dalle”--”enchainer que pave”] it’s a strange combination of words” and he shurgged and was like “yeah but it doesn’t work like that. It’s idiosyncratic. Like “bagne”

BRO

but fellas hands down the worst part was when I was right about someting and he made me doubt myself/concede part of the point because I didn’t want to be both wrong and arrogant (you know how much I hate that). So anything I was less than 100-percent-sure-I-can-cite-sources (i.e., anything intuitive or inferential or built on a foundation of knowledge that yielded a conclusion greater than the sum of its parts) was forfeited and UGH

like at one point he used the word “decortiquer” and asked me “do you know what THAT means” and yes I absolutely do, it’s not even slang/langage courant

and he was like “WHAT”

and I was like “explain, analyze”

and he was like “no”

and I was...confused ebcause...what do you mean “no”? So I thought hm maybe I’m missing some nuance and somehow that made me totally wrong? so I continued like “well like--reduce to its elements--”

and he’s like “omg guys look I can’t even define it in French and she’s doing it in a non-native language fuck”

and it’s liek WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM I DIDN”T WANT TO EVEN PLAY THIS GAME YOU STARTED IT

like who challenges someone to a contest and then pouts because they other person won

(not that you can “win” a conversation!!! irjfiejrdfi FUCK THIS)

and possibly-showing-off-but-also-trying-to-overcompensate-because-I-don’t-know-what-he’s-doing-here I continued like “it’s from Latin ‘cortex’ which means bark [ecorce in French] so when you decortiquer something you’re stripping off the bark and exposing the heart of the tree/matter”

and he just flatly goes “no I don’t think that’s the derivation”

and I’m like “maybe not, I might be saying nonsense”

“that’s not the derivation”

“what is it? if you know, I’m curious about what the etymology really is”

“I don’t know but it’s definitely not that”

(I’m home now. googled it. and

welp.jpg)

then it just kept getting worse like he used the word “branlee” to describe what I was doing to him and then asked me if I knew what it meat and I neede dmore info so I was like “yes--wait” and he was leike “DO YOU OR DON’T KNOW” and I was like “well is it like ‘se branler’ or ‘ebranler’? same root?” and he was like “NO” and in hindsight it definitely is but whatever I DON’T MIND BEING WRONG OR LEARNING THINGS

and after he gave me a definition which made it clear he felt we were in competiton and he was losing--plus some EXTREMELY passive-aggressive “it’s a really common expression, it’s frankly surprising you don’t know it, blah blah” which I responded to with a cheerful “yeah I have a lot of lacunae then that! thanks for helping me!” and he with “yeah it’s really weird you didn’t know that” and me with “I know lol” and him with “I’m glad I could help you learn some French at least”--I finally was like “this branlee thing though, that’s really not what I’m doing! can we be solidaire instead?” (but like as nonconfrontationally as possible) and he was like “oh it’s not a competiton I’m just saying French people are like that”

well either way KNOCK IT OFF

[authorkatwatson-blog]

Cupcakes at Midnight - Chapter 2

I look at myself in the mirror, wondering where all the years have gone. It feels like last week I was a blushing bride, and yesterday I was picking up the pieces from a failed marriage. But it’s been over a decade.

My phone is in the kitchen, I left it there purposely so that I wouldn’t obsess over looking at it every five seconds.

Instead, I go through my regular nighttime routine, taking my time with each step. The normalcy of it comforts me. I can pretend that I’m not freaking out on the inside. I scoop the cat litter and refill his water as he meows, begging like he’s never been fed before.

I walk back and look at the cupcakes. The cinnamon crunch is gone, of course, but the other three still intrigue me. I’ve never even heard of some of the flavor combinations Ava’s made for me. But I want to try them.

The thought of putting them in my mouth makes me blush, which is ridiculous because surely I’m a grownup who can think dirty things without a childish reaction. I close my eyes and slide my tongue across the silky frosting. The tang of raspberry rises up and makes my mouth water even more. I’m about to dive in to the cake part of the cupcake when I notice my phone lighting up and buzzing.

Ivy must be late night texting me, maybe she’s fighting with Matt again. I swear, I don’t know if those two will make it to their actual wedding.

But there is a tinge of hope that it’s not Ivy.

After debating forcing myself to wait longer to check, I pick the phone up and click the button on the side so I can preview the message.

It’s from her.

What if she texted back to ask me to stop texting?

That would be dumb, since she’s the one that gave me her number, right?

What if she says it was all a mistake and that note was meant for Ivy? That would make sense; Ivy is gorgeous and statuesque, and … not me.

But she didn’t give Ivy the box of cupcakes, did she?

I drive myself crazy with what-ifs, so I just open the text.

I’m so happy to hear from you. What are you up to tonight? Hope it’s not too late to text

I start to tap out a reply, then delete it. Maybe I should wait until tomorrow to reply? Then I realize her message was blue, meaning she’d see the three dots if she happened to be looking at her phone.

And either way, even if it was only going to be a friendship, did I really want to wait and play games? Wasn’t I done with all of that?

Another exciting Friday night, wrapped up in a blanket on the couch watching Netflix, very much enjoying these cupcakes. Thank you again. And no, not too late to text - I use the quiet functions once I go to sleep, so you’re good to text me anytime

I smile, hoping I’m coming across as genuinely as I feel.  When I see the three dots pop up on her side of the screen, my smile grows.

What’s on your current to-binge list? Glad you’re enjoying the cupcakes. Thank you for inspiring them

Thank god she’s a text-in-complete-words person.

Before I walk back to the couch, I pour myself another cup of tea and eye the last two cupcakes. How many cupcakes was too many in one night? I shrug and grab the orange-swirled one.

Well, right now I’m in the middle of Derry Girls. Still have to catch up on Handmaid’s on Hulu, but that won’t be until after I get through a few (probably boring) documentaries.

Instead of clicking the phone off, I set it on the arm of the couch, face up, so I can see if she replies again. Maybe my TV choices would make her realize how utterly snooze-y my life is.

OMG, which epi of HT are you on? Haven’t seen DG, good?

We exchange texts for a few hours, discussing different movies and tv series, finding common likes and dislikes. By the time I yawn for the first time, finally acknowledging how tired I am, I realize it’s past 3 am.

Holy shit, I have to get to bed soon. Will you be around tomorrow?

Jane from five years ago would have thought it was being very forward of me to ask, but right-now Jane is enjoying the conversation and ready for more from life.

I will. Any chance we could continue this conversation in person?

I tap out my reply before I even have time to think it through or be too self-conscious.

Absolutely

Awesome. Let’s play it by ear, but I’ll see you tomorrow, J

The temptation to leave it there gets over-ruled by my giddy, smooshy feelings.

Goodnight. Sweet dreams

That’s the last reply in the series, and I set my phone on the nightstand, long ago having moved to bed to charge my phone. I roll to my side and think about what tomorrow will bring. Cat curls up at my feet and makes his displeasure that we’re all still awake very well known. My eyes can barely stay open, but my brain is a freight train of excitement.

The next morning, I debate what “too early” to text would be. I don’t want to seem overly eager, but I don’t want to intentionally withhold a message just to play some weird unwritten rule game.

I get my laundry done, sweep the kitchen, and putter as much as I can, until finally around mid-day, my phone chirps. Cat looks up at me, ever-annoyed that his nap has been interrupted.

Beer, pizza, and extraordinarily dark dystopian future tv watching?

I shake my head and laugh.

What could make for a better Saturday night?

I can think of a few things. For now, it sounds pretty good, right? Wanna meet at your place? Is that too weird / too soon?

Was that a date? Meeting at my place to watch tv?

Sure, not too soon at all. What time?

We make plans for a few hours later, and I’m still unsure if it’s a date, but I decide it doesn’t matter. I want more fun in my life, so even if we just hang out and get to know each other better, wasn’t that the point?

When the doorbell rings, I practically jump out of the chair. I open the door, and Ava looks like she’s just come from some punk band concert that would be way too cool for me to even consider. I laugh to myself.

“Hey, come in.”

Her hands are full, but she makes her way past me, finding the kitchen immediately.

“I wasn’t sure what pizza toppings you like? I don’t know how we didn’t discuss that. But I went with half cheese, half pepperoni, just to be safe. Sound okay?”

She smiles and a part of me wants to melt at how genuine it is.

“Yeah, sounds great. I’ll just grab plates. Do you need a fork and knife?”

The look on her face is absolutely fucking priceless.

“A fork and knife? For what?”

“Oh man, Ivy is so funny, she had me convinced for a while that everyone eats pizza with a fork and knife. Thank god it’s just her. I was starting to question everything about my twenties.”

“No way. Pizza is a single hand, no utensil kind of food. That’s part of what makes it so perfect. I wasn’t sure what kind of beer you drink, so I just got something generic.”

We open our cans and take them, the pizza, and a roll of paper towels to the coffee table. Between bites, we talk about the season of the show and how we each think it’s going; we make predictions on where it might end up. Then finally, when the pizza is gone and we’re left with just awkward silence, we put the show on.

I can see Ava looking around my apartment as we watch, maybe trying to learn things about my life? Her eyes are on a particular frame over my fireplace.

“That’s my niece, Hailey,” I say, smiling.

We’re sitting across the couch from each other; not too far, but not too close. Cat was always between us, annoyingly adorable as ever.

“Do you have any siblings?”

She smiles. “Nope. Only child.”

“Does that get lonely? I bet it was glorious growing up. No one to fight with for the TV remote, or what kind of pizza to have.”

Ava shrugs and smiles, then turns her attention back to the TV. Her body had been angled toward mine, but she shifts, and then scoots closer. Horrible things happen on the show in front of us, but right in the room? She laces her fingers through mine and my whole body warms.

Is this what it’s supposed to feel like?

A few hours, laughs, and cupcakes later, the sun has set and we’re several episodes into another series. I’m surprised when Ava gets up, yawning. Her arms go over her head as she stretches, and I swear I almost die when I see a sliver of her skin between her shirt and pants.

“I open the bakery in a few hours. I’m sorry, I’m terrible company right now. I probably haven’t said ten words in the last hour.”

“No need to apologize,” I say, standing and touching her arm. “You’ve been great company. I feel bad I’ve been keeping you. You were up so late last night, too. All my fault.” I laugh, trying to downplay my disappointment that the night is ending.

“Mutual blame,” she says, smiling and tugging my arm. It could be a friendly gesture, the hug, but I can’t help but hope it’s the beginning of something more than a friendship.

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1168

Monday, June 26, 2017

 It's the last week of June, so Canada Day is soon. With the country celebrating its 150th anniversary, this year is a big deal. I was 10-years-old when we had our centennial in 1967 and I was part of a children's choir that sang at city hall as part of the year-long celebration back then. We're getting together with friends for Canada Day come Saturday and I wish you all a great week and weekend.

 Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #1 - Chip Zdarsky (writer) Adam Kubert (art) Jordie Bellaire (colours). Get ready to be assaulted by an explosion of Spider-Man stuff as we near the theatrical release of the movie "Spider-Man Homecoming" on July 7. I still remember picking up Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #1 off the spinner rack in 1976, happy that there was another comic book starring my favourite super hero. I wasn't sure I wanted to read this new incarnation because I am not a big fan of Chip's writing. I was not impressed with his work on the new Howard the Duck and Jughead books. My problem is that he comes across as too frenetic and eager to please by writing way too much. The double page spread with Peter and Johnny Storm having lunch together is a great example. Look at all them word balloons. The rest of the book is no better. Almost every panel is jammed full of word balloons. And what's with Peter leaving his mask on during lunch? Johnny knows his secret identity already. Wouldn't it have been more comfortable to take his mask off? I know I'm being picky but it's these little details that annoy me. The other thing that annoyed me was that I had to Google two acronyms to get what was being said. I'm an old fogey so I didn't know what NBD and NPC meant. Maybe it was to balance out all the other words used that "no big deal" and "non player character" were shortened. My quibbles are not enough to keep me from reading the next issue however because Chip pulls something out of the asphalt at the end that makes me want to find out more about the surprise person that Johnny meets. Well played Chip Zdarsky, well played.

 Batwoman #4 - Marguerite Bennett & James Tynion IV (writers) Steve Epting (art) Jeromy Cox (colours) Deron Bennett (letters). The first story arc ends with Kate and company saving the day. I was satisfied with how the story ended and there is enough mystery to keep me wanting to read more. What is Plan B and who is the shadowy figure in the last panel? I want to find out.

 Shirtless Bear-Fighter #1 - Jody Leheup & Sebastian Girner (writers) Nil Vendrell (art) Mike Spicer (colours) Dave Lanphear (letters). This takes place in a land where Yogi Bear would fit right in. The well endowed Shirtless Bear-Fighter's origin story is part Mowgli from Jungle Book and part Superman and part Punisher. This issue was mildly humorous but I didn't chuckle or laugh out loud. Maybe I'm too old. Is this the next Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #1? Or The Walking Dead #1? Do bears poop in the woods? Buy it, read it and you be the judge. I only read it because Ottawa's own Tom Fowler did one of the variant covers.

 W.M.D. Weapons of Mutant Destruction #1 - Greg Pak (writer) Mahmud Asrar (art) Nolan Woodard (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). I hope you've been reading the new Weapon X comic book with Old Man Logan, Sabretooth, et alia because this is a direct tie-in to what went on there. No worries if you haven't because Greg spells everything out very clearly. The good guys are fighting an evil anti-mutant organization that is creating mutant killers. The Totally Awesome Hulk is one of the good guys so look for part 2, 4 and 6 of the story in that book. Parts 3 and 5 are in Weapon X. I'm reading them all.

 Aquaman #25 - Dan Abnett (writer) Stjepan Sejic (art & colours) Steve Wands (letters). This title has gone "Game of Thrones" but that's not why I took this extra-sized anniversary issue off the racks to read. It was the cover and interior art by Stjepan Sejic that made me want to give this book another try. I sure am glad I did. The story of a new power mad King of Atlantis and the return of the usurped King isn’t anything new but the beautiful art makes it more exciting to me. Stjepan knows how to draw hot women and Mera and Dolphin gives him plenty of opportunity to show that off. Aquaman is going back on my "must read" list.

 Crosswind #5 - Gail Simone (writer) Cat Staggs (illustrator) Simon Bowland (letters). It's nice to see Gail back on the racks again. Here she does a grown up version of Freaky Friday where a housewife and a mob enforcer switch bodies. Juniper and Cason are introduced pre switcheroo, which happens at the end of this issue. I can't wait to see what happens next. Cat's art is nice and that made it easy to put this new book on my "must read" list.

 Plastic #3 - Doug Wagner (writer) Daniel Hillyard (art) Laura Martin (colours) Ed Dukeshire (letters). The "hero" of this story is a psychotic killer but I like him a lot. A damsel in distress who may suffer a fate worst than death (haven't heard that cliché in a while eh?) plays a big role in this issue. Punisher fans will like this series.

 Royal City #4 - Jeff Lemire (writer & illustrator) Steve Wands (letters). This is a really cool ghost story. Patrick's thoughts about aging hit close to home.

 Archie #21 - Mark Waid (writer) Pete Woods (art & colours) Jack Morelli (letters). OMG (I know what that means) they killed…! You have to read this issue to find out who.

 The Mighty Thor #20 - Jason Aaron (writer) Russell Dauterman & Valerio Schiti (art) Matthew Wilson & Veronica Gandini (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). Loved the Walt Simonson tribute cover by Patrick Brown. Speculator alert: it's the first appearance of a new Thor. You won't believe who it is. What motivates this guy to pick up the hammer is heart wrenching and the bad guys are going to get it. I can't wait to see him in action. There's a scene between Jane Foster and the Odinson that puts into question the fate of the Mighty Thor. I really hope she sticks around.

 Batman #25 - Tom King (writer) Mikel Janin (art) June Chung (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). What made last issue worth reading was the kaboom on the last page. This whole issue is worth it for the build up to "The War of Jokes and Riddles". It's Batman versus the Joker and the Riddler and it's super intense. Mikel's art is the cherry on top and it's yummy. Batman is getting really good again.

 Wildstorm #5 - Warren Ellis (writer) Jon Davis-Hunt (art) Steve Buccellato (colours) Simon Bowland (letters). You should read this. It's all coming together beautifully.

 Luke Cage #2 - David F. Walker (writer) Nelson Blake II (art) Marcio Menyz (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). This is an uh-oh issue as Luke investigates what the scientist that gave him his super powers was up to. Kind of reminded me of Orphan Black.

 Superman #25 - Patrick Gleason & Peter J. Tomasi (writers) Doug Mahnke & Patrick Gleason (pencils) Jaime Mendoza, Mick Gray, Joe Prado, Ray McCarthy, Scott Hanna & Matt Santorelli (inks) Wil Quintana & John Kalisz (colours) Dave Sharpe (letters). The conclusion to "Fade to Black" has guest stars galore and highlights the core of this title as the good guys prevail. I've enjoyed this book more because of the family values that Clark, Lois and Jonathan embody and the art is spectacular.

 Star Wars: Darth Vader #2 - Charles Soule (writer) Giuseppe Camuncoli (pencils) Cam Smith (inks) David Curiel (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). By the way Vader is mowing down storm troopers he must be really pissed at his boss. We find out who he's going to get his light sabre from in this issue. From the looks of the next issue teaser, it's going to be a scorcher.

 Nick Fury #3 - James Robinson (writer) Aco (pencils) Hugo Petrus (inks) Rachelle Rosenberg (colours) Travis Lanham (letters). This is freaking awesome. All you fans out there not reading this are missing out on some excellent writing and art. This reminds me of how I felt when I first saw Jim Steranko's art on Nick Fury Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. in the sixties as a teenager. Aco and Hugo's art with Rachelle's colours is so pretty and pops off the page. Buy this book.

 Super Sons #5 - Peter J. Tomasi (writer) Alisson Borges (art) Hi-Fi (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). Few writers know how to make young adults sound genuine but Peter is one of them. This issue establishes Jon and Damian as the young dynamic duo. I can't wait to see what they get up to next.

 Invincible Iron Man #8 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Stefano Caselli (art) Marte Gracia (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). This sets up next issue's fight with Lady Von Bardas. We'll see how bardas she really is.

[spynotebook]

All Photos Courtesy Warner Bros.

Praise Zeus, Wonder Woman is finally here and it’s even better than we hoped it would be. While it’s a standout superhero film all on its own, there’s something inherently special for women to see Diana of Themyscira, an iconic female and feminist role model, onscreen for the first time.

io9's Katharine Trendacosta, Alex Cranz, Cheryl Eddy, and I sat down to discuss every aspect of this groundbreaking superhero film, including Steve Trevor’s role as a male ally, and what the film’s success could and should mean for the DC Expanded Universe. No boys allowed! (Except in the comments.)

Beth Elderkin: All right, ladies. Welcome to Themyscira! How’s everyone feeling?

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Katharine Trendacosta: I am feeling great and not like I need those hours back again, which is such a relief.

Cheryl Eddy: I agree with Katharine... I don’t think it was a perfect movie, but I had a really good time watching it.

Alex Cranz: Yeah, I was genuinely concerned before the premiere that people were so eager for a success for DC—and for women superheroes—that people were being unnecessarily kind to Diana. They were not! Her movie is good!

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Beth: I mean, it’s a huge deal. This is the first time we’ve gotten a superhero movie of this magnitude that stars a woman. Going beyond your experience as a moviegoer, or even as a comic book fan, how did it feel as a woman seeing this character in her own movie on this scale?

Cheryl: It was very satisfying.

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Alex: It’s not the first time. This is just the first good film.

Katharine: Yeah, I present to you... Catwoman.

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Beth: True, that movie did have a $100-million budget.

Alex: Katharine, no. Shh. But yes, Catwoman, Elektra, Supergirl, and Tank Girl, all comic lady movies. And all films that were disasters either critically, financially, or both.

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Katharine: It is shocking and upsetting, though, that all of those characters got movies before Wonder Woman.

Alex: But where Wonder Woman really sets itself apart is how gleefully violent it is. I love that this was a superpowered woman just fucking shit up for a big chunk of the film’s two-hour running time.

Cheryl: I think it was longer than two hours? That’s one of my few complaints, that it was too long. But that’s par for the course.

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Katharine: Yeah, I don’t know for sure what Zack Snyder was involved in, but that really long fight scene felt like the end of his last two DC Expanded Universe movies.

Alex: Only you could tell what was happening.

Beth: So, obviously we have to talk about the core of the film, Wonder Woman herself. I liked Gal Gadot in Batman v. Superman, though you don’t see much of her in it… but I’ll admit I was worried how she’d do in the starring role. But to me, she was Wonder Woman, mind, body, and soul. I was thoroughly impressed. What about y’all?

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Cheryl: I thought she nailed it, really and truly.

Katharine: It was a good idea not to go with a really recognizable actor for this.

Cheryl: Completely agree.

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Alex: Gadot has so much damn charm.

Katharine: I loved that they made the other Amazons mimic her accent, instead of making her get rid of hers.

Cheryl: ME TOO OMG.

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Alex: It was a true delight. And I liked how young Wonder Woman was for much of this film.

Beth: One thing I loved about Gadot’s performance was how earnest it was. Diana was innocent but not naive. Like that scene in the street, where she’s taking everything in with a combination of disgust and wonder… and then she spots the baby!

Katharine: I liked that moment and I thought they did just the right amount of fish-out-of-water stuff. It would have been really easy to go overboard on that stuff.

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Beth: Which would’ve fallen into the “Born Sexy Yesterday” trope.

Katharine: Or just turned this movie into Thor.

Beth: What were your favorite fish-out-of-water moments?

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Cheryl: I liked the shopping scene with Etta Candy, and also when she sees snow for the first time.

Katharine: It’s the baby moment for me.

Alex: I just loved her entirely foreign concept of war and why it was waged. It was so beautifully naive, like you wanted to wrap her up and kind of protect her from the awfulness of the world... until she beat a man with a tank.

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Beth: This is the first DCEU movie where the lead character is allowed to be joyful. And it feels so overdue.

Katharine: Joyful, but the movie wasn’t devoid of darkness. It actually balanced that stuff.. My god, why did it take this long?

Alex: Because girls are icky, Katharine.

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Beth: Anyone else feel an extra tinge of happiness when Diana spared Doctor Poison? Different circumstances than Man of Steel, but still… I don’t think I’ll ever be okay with Superman murdering Zod.

Alex: Completely different! And I mean, Diana kills people.

Katharine: I’m sorry, Beth, I was busy getting mad that they had decided Diana was the Goddess of Love instead.

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Alex: Let’s talk about the erasure of Greek goddesses in this film. Because Diana has always been an embodiment of the Pantheon right?

Katharine: And specifically truth.

Alex: But this film kills them off screen, and never acknowledges that she’s supposed to be representative of all of them. Instead, she’s just another god.

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Beth: I mean, she’s technically the last one right? If Ares is dead now.

Alex: Apparently!

Beth: I don’t know if I’d classify her as a love goddess. Her strength came from her love—not for Steve, though that was surely part of it—but it was her love of humanity and her need to do the right thing.

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Katharine: I’m still mad, because Hollywood has one setting for goddesses and it’s always love.

Alex: Whatever Katharine, I loved her line about love. I didn’t interpret it as her being the Goddess of Love, but simply as her saying there are alternatives to war.

Katharine: I gave them the first moment, but once they went back to that well, I was very worried.

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Cheryl: I wasn’t mad at that, but I think it’s because my first exposure to Wonder Woman was the 1970s TV show, and it’s there in the theme: “Stop a war with love.”

Alex: Well, I think they make it very clear she’s a goddess of compassion... of compassionate love.

Beth: Exactly, being a goddess of love and a goddess of compassion are two different things. Love just has fewer syllables.

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Alex: Yeah, her saying compassion would not have had the same impact.

Beth: Let’s shift gears for a bit and talk about Steve Trevor. I loved Steve in this film, and Chris Pine’s performance was, in my opinion, kinda revelatory. I’d argue this might be one of the best portrayals of a male feminist ally that we’ve ever seen in a mainstream film—especially a superhero film.

Katharine: I forgot that Chris Pine was that charming. He’s basically just been famous for doing a great Shatner take for so long, I actually forgot there was another actor there.

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Alex: I confess to hating Chris Pine for over a decade, so I was really surprised to like him in this. He knew when to take a back seat.

Katharine: He’s leaped ahead in the Chris rankings.

Beth: Oh, he’s miles ahead of Chris Pratt for me now. It’s almost like the two of them have had a Freaky Friday situation, where Pratt is the typical leading man dick and Pine is the supportive male hero.

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Katharine: Chris Evans better keep an eye out. When Pine tried to seduce Doctor Poison, I was like, “Yes. This is your role, Steve.” Diana does the fighting, you are the Honey Trap.

Beth: And he did such a good job of it too. I love how he wasn’t bumbling or incapable, nor was he cocky about his skills.

Katharine: Or all angsty about it.

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Alex: He was that hyper-competent love interest that usually falls in love with Chris Pratt.

Beth: That “shield” moment in No Man’s Land was my absolute favorite in the entire film. Steve wasn’t forcing Diana to change her fighting style to suit his needs—he recognized what she needed and provided it for her, no questions asked or thanks needed.

Alex: I mean, Steve had his moment of fuckery, but I loved that Diana was immediately like, “I AM DONE WITH YOU.”

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Katharine: The fact that their conflict was based pretty much entirely on them having different world views actually made it interesting. Rather than him being, “The world looks like this, put this dress on and shut up.”

Beth: He recognizes that just because his worldview is different doesn’t make it more right than hers. In fact, he knows that his world is screwed up.

Katharine: I did love that for once it was the dude’s backstory that was cut. Because he briefly mentions having run from the war for too long and then says something like maybe he and the rest of humanity doesn’t deserve to be saved. Like, clearly there was something in his past they meant to bring up to make that hit home better, but, eh. He’s just Steve Trevor, so who cares.

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Beth: I kind of like it better without it. I feel like I knew just enough about him to understand his conflict.

Alex: You know what was really revelatory about Steve Trevor? The moment she saves him from the plane. Any other film it would have been his story from then on. It would have been about him using these women to win the war, and teaching them how everything was different. And the movie never ever ever went that direction.

Beth: That reminds me of my next big talking point: Patty Jenkins’ direction. In particular, how she handles “The Gaze.” There are a lot of shots in here that could and likely would have been exploited for titillation in the hands of another director, like Zack Snyder with Sucker Punch. But I admired how Jenkins handled the fight scenes and choreography, as well as Wonder Woman’s superhero poses. Jenkins didn’t subvert the male gaze, apart from the Chris Pine bathing scene, because she didn’t need to. She simply made it not matter.

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Alex: This was not a sexual movie at all—despite some Grade-A off-screen banging. We never see unbridled lust on screen.

Beth: To me, and this might sound weird on its face, the movie felt like the difference between stripping and burlesque. Both of them have similar elements, but they serve different purposes. A character like Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises is shot one way, focusing on her assets for the audience, but Wonder Woman was thankfully never exploited. Her body wasn’t hidden, it was celebrated—as well as her looks, because come on, she’s a gorgeous woman—but it was on her terms and for her purposes, not for the male audience. And I think Jenkins was a big part of that.

Alex: I know a lot of people were concerned about Jenkins because her last film was small and not about action at all. But the woman shot really good action and it wasn’t just all in the hands of animators. I mean the final fight is just a cartoon, but the Amazons versus the Germans was not!

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Cheryl: Her direction of the actors, especially Gadot’s performance, as well as the “moments” like the baby and the fight with the shield, were great.

Katharine: This was a movie which embraced the simplicity of its story for the sake of its characters.

Alex: I think we’re gonna see a lot of comparisons, inevitably, to Snyder, and what I loved is Jenkins can actually direct actors and bring emotion into a film. But she also can nail those loving straight from a picture book shots that are Snyder’s bag. She out Snyder’d Snyder in the best possible way.

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Beth: Snyder’s contribution to the film appears to have worked out well, as a story creator and producer, and his recruitment of Gadot was spot-on. I feel like putting him in the director’s chair is where the problems arise, as well as when his direction overly inspires other films in the franchise.

Alex: No doubt that final fight was in the works long before the film was tinkered with, but you can see Warner Bros/DC’s attempt to keep Wonder Woman from being as dour as Batman v Superman. Like the great ice cream gag—that’s a moment that was clearly shot after the rest of the film to brighten things up. And it worked.

Katharine: Ice cream and superheroes have been a fruitful pairing in live-action.

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Alex: If Batman v. Superman had to happen so we could get Wonder Woman enjoying an ice cream cone, I am okay with that.

Beth: Speaking of awesome scenes: No Man’s Land.

Cheryl: People in the theater were cheering so much.

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Beth: I love how Steve’s like, “You can’t go over there, it’s No Man’s Land.” And Wonder Woman basically replies, “I AM NO MAN!” I’ve seen people saying that might go down as one of the best scenes in a superhero film we’ve ever gotten, and honestly, I agree.

Alex: It didn’t end! It was a constant WONDER WOMAN SMASH, which is all I wanted.

Beth: I never wanted it to end!

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Alex: Though admittedly things slowed down so much immediately afterwards that I got a little whiplash. There was a pacing problem in the script that the director just couldn’t resolve.

Beth: I don’t know, I liked the drinks and dancing. It made the tragic bombing of the town so much worse.

Alex: I liked it, but I still felt a little snoozy.

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Beth: What else do you wish had been done differently? My biggest beef was Ares, because I didn’t feel like the big reveal was earned.

Alex: Ares is a bad villain rooted in Christian symbology that makes no sense, but that’s a comic problem.

Katharine: I liked the shape of the villain. Yes, the weird Christian-Greek mashup is a comics problem and I don’t like that, but I actually did like the idea of Ares not being who we thought. I didn’t like... his entire speech at the end.

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Alex: You know what was actually bad about all the Greco-Roman stuff is how firmly they shut the door on all of it. Diana is banished from Paradise Island, her entire god family is dead, it’s just done. Now she basically exists for Justice League.

Katharine: The best thing about this film is that it stands on its own almost entirely, unfettered from the baggage of the rest of the DCEU.

Cheryl: Setting it years in the past was a good choice.

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Alex: Yeah, it didn’t fall into the Captain America: The First Avenger trap. Ares didn’t even do a “worse is coming” death croak.

Cheryl: I get why they framed the story with the photo seen in BvS, so I was okay with it even though it was so obvious.

Katharine: The fact that Bruce Wayne wasn’t literally there was nice. Honestly, I kept expecting the camera at the end to pull out and the rest of the goddamn Justice League to be sitting there listening.

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Beth: I’m so glad it didn’t.

Katharine: So glad.

Beth: I’m also glad there were no post-credits scenes. I don’t care about the rest of the Justice League, I only care about Diana.

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Alex: Well, I care about Aquaman.

Beth: I’m hoping I do, too.

Cheryl: Same.

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Beth: Speaking of which, how does this movie make you feel about the future of the DC Expanded Universe?

Cheryl: Will that future include Wonder Woman 2? Because otherwise...

Alex: It better.

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Katharine: I think that this is proof that the DCEU should have been doing standalone movies with other directors the whole time.

Beth: I’m honestly shaky about Justice League. I already feel like it could be a lost cause, and we’re simply having to look beyond it at this point. The trailer gave me little confidence.

Katharine: Yeah, I’m mostly looking forward to Aquaman. He and Wonder Woman are the ones having the most fun in the Justice League trailer.

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Alex: I have hope. Slap a Blue Lantern Ring on Diana, because Wonder Woman gave me hope that the ship can be righted, and we can get some good damn movies out of the best superhero comics.

Beth: This has been so awesome, and I’m hoping/betting this movie does well enough to keep DCEU going on the right path… with a sequel. In closing, what one word would you use to describe Wonder Woman? Mine is “refreshing.”

Katharine: “Punchy,” in both senses of the word.

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Cheryl Eddy: “Love!” Just kidding... I would say “entertaining.”

Alex: She fucks.