#Hot Chocolate and Harmony

[scribbleous]

My redesign of Wendy's uniform for my fic Hot Chocolate and Harmony, cause her original just does not sit right with me for someone who is flying at high altitudes, and on a bird at that:

(Zoom in for better quality)

A more detailed explanation under the cut:

So for starters here is a direct comparison between the two

So the first thing I wanted to change was the bare legs when Wendy is known to fly at high altitudes, which are notoriously cold, like you can't convince me that that is going to be even remotely comfortable, so she has a full length jumpsuit-thingy (I am by no means a fashion afficionado, so bear with me on some of this 😂)(I had also considered that she might be wearing nude tights or leggings, but frankly that still doesn't seem sufficient to me, so a change was in order anyway). I took a look at the usual get-up for skydivers for that, and it is padded with Flaaffy wool for warmth. I personally headcannon that Little Tim and Big Bertha have more animals on their farm in Vientown than just the one Miltank we see in game, so they're getting a few Flaaffys, alongside some other mons I haven't decides on yet, and their farm is where Naia sourced the wool for Wendy's uniform.

I also got rid of her little jacket thingy, cause it didn't quite look right on the new uniform, but she gets to keep her collar, and the turtleneck underneath, which is now the thermals she wears underneath the outer layer. I tried to keep in theme as much as I could with the colours, and keep as much of her personal flair as possible in the new design, and I'm quite proud of it.

She gets to keep her boots, since they look quite sturdy, and I'd imagine that's the sort of footwear she's likely to need during the time she's not in the air, since a Top Ranger is more likely to go off the beaten path than your average Joe.

Finally, if anyone notices that the body proportions are slightly different between the two images; I decided to give her a bit more room for a set of ribs in there somewhere, as a treat. The chest to waist ratio in the initial image physically pained me, so while I didn't change too much, I figured some breathing room (literally!) couldn't hurt.

[serialsunset]

God Maxim is so gay and stupid. He literally fucked up everything he possibly could for his childhood crush. L after L after L leaving a flaming trail of destruction everywhere he steps and still he made it through to the end. What an inspiration.

[heartsriki]

LOVE SOUNDTRACK⌇음악

FLIRT ALERT! series⌇NI-KI | Prev

pairing ᝰ ni-ki x fem!reader | word count: 2k+

⌇ … warnings & genre ↺ friends to lovers, lots of beating around the bush, no other warnings I think.

synopsis — Riki creates a playlist for you, each song reflecting your shared moments. As you listen, you uncover his hidden feelings and the confession tucked within the final track, leading to a sweet, music-filled moment where your love story plays out in perfect harmony.

lee's ₊˚⊹ ᰔ comment ┊the ot7 series is done :( BUT NOW I CAN WORK ON LONGER AND DETAILED PROJECTS HURRAYYYY, hopefully yall like those when they come out!

The playlist shows up on your phone one evening without warning.

You’re sprawled across your bed, textbooks pushed to the side, a half-empty coffee cup perched precariously on your nightstand. The dorm is quiet except for the distant murmur of voices in the hallway. You’re mid-scroll through your music library when you notice it—For Y/N.

Your thumb hovers over the screen.

Weird. You don’t remember making this.

Curious, you tap on it, and the first song begins to play.

A soft melody hums through your earbuds, and immediately, something tugs at your memory. You know this song. It’s the one that you played in your dorm last winter, the night you and Riki sat by the window watching the first snowfall of the year.

You close your eyes, and the memory comes back in vivid detail.

“You think it’ll stick?” you had asked, blowing on your hot chocolate. The glass pane beside you was fogged up from the warmth inside, but beyond it, the snowflakes swirled under the streetlights.

“Doubt it,” Riki had said, drawing random doodles on the glass window like a kid. He had been watching the snow too, his expression calm. Then, he smirked. “But hey, if it does, I’ll let you abuse me with snowballs as a reward.”

You had laughed, rolling your eyes. “Like I need your permission for that.”

Now, lying in bed, you wondered about the playlist and its meaning.

Wait how did it even get on your phone?

The next day drags by in a haze of half-heard lectures and restless thoughts.

You barely remember getting dressed, barely remember grabbing your bag, and now you’re here—seated across from Riki at your usual table in the campus café, fingers curled around a cup of coffee that’s gone lukewarm.

And he says nothing.

Not a single word about the playlist.

You watch him, searching for any sign that he’s waiting for you to bring it up. But Riki is as casual as ever, scrolling through his phone between bites of his croissant, occasionally glancing up to make some offhand comment about a ridiculous campus rumor or the professor who showed up to class with the worst fashion sense ever.

Meanwhile, your thoughts are a tangled mess.

The playlist. The songs. What do they mean?

Your heart slams against your ribs just thinking about it.

Does he know you listened? Does he want you to say something?

You grip your coffee cup a little tighter, clearing your throat. “So… did you do anything interesting last night?”

It’s a test. A chance for him to bring it up naturally.

Riki hums, still staring at his phone. “Not really. Just played some games with Jake, went to bed late. You?”

You blink. Your fingers tighten around the cup.

Seriously?

He’s going to act like nothing happened?

Your eyes narrow, and you wait—wait for the moment he cracks, for the smirk, for the teasing remark, for anything that shows he knows exactly what he did.

But nothing comes.

“Just slept,” you mutter, forcing yourself to take a sip of coffee, even though it tastes bitter now.

The silence stretches between you.

It’s unbearable.

Your mind races through possibilities. Maybe he sent it by accident. Maybe it wasn’t meant for you at all. Maybe—

Riki stretches lazily in his seat, his hoodie slipping off his shoulder. “Oh, by the way,” he says, and for a second, your breath catches. Finally.

But then—

“Wanna grab ramen after class?”

You stare at him, your stomach flipping.

That’s it? That’s all?

Your grip tightens on your cup as you force a nod. “Yeah. Sure.”

Riki grins, completely oblivious to the storm raging inside you.

And as he goes back to his phone, casually sipping his drink, you realize—

If he won’t bring it up, you might just have to.

but of course Riki doesn’t bring up the playlist over ramen either.

You sit across from him in the crowded little shop just off campus, the air thick with the scent of broth and spices. The steam from your bowl curls between you, but it does nothing to chase away the tension sitting heavy in your chest.

You’ve been waiting—waiting—for him to say something, to acknowledge what he sent you. But instead, he slurps his noodles like it’s just another night, like he didn’t put together an entire playlist filled with memories.

And it’s driving you insane.

“You’re quiet today,” Riki remarks, his chopsticks hovering over his bowl as he watches you. His tone is light, but there’s something in his gaze—curious, a little teasing. Like he knows something is up.

You set your spoon down a little too forcefully. “Am I?”

His lips twitch like he’s holding back a smirk. “Yeah. So weird too. You usually don’t shut up.”

Your jaw tightens. Unbelievable.

If anyone else had made that comment, you’d have thrown a napkin at their face. But right now, you can barely focus on coming up with a comeback.

Your stomach flips just remembering it.

The worst part? Riki looks normal. Like none of this is affecting him at all.

Fine. If he wants to play it cool, two can play that game.

You lean back in your seat, feigning nonchalance. “Maybe I just don’t have anything to say.”

Riki quirks a brow, tilting his head slightly. “That’s new.”

Your fingers tighten around your chopsticks. Say something. Bring it up. Ask him.

But just as you open your mouth, he reaches over, stealing a piece of your fish cake right off your plate.

You slap his hand, scowling. “Excuse me?”

He just grins, chewing obnoxiously. “What? You looked distracted. Figured you wouldn’t notice.”

You do throw a napkin at him this time.

And just like that, the moment passes. The conversation shifts to something else—an upcoming test, some campus drama, a new game he’s been obsessed with.

But underneath it all, the tension lingers.

Because you know the truth.

Riki put together that playlist for you.

And no matter how hard he tries to pretend it’s nothing, you know.

The only question is—when are you going to make him admit it?

That night, you give in.

You’re lying in bed again, phone resting on your chest, screen glowing softly in the dark. Your thumb hovers over For Y/N, heart hammering like it’s some kind of forbidden secret.

Riki still hasn’t said a word about it.

But you can’t let it go.

With a quiet breath, you press play.

The next song starts slow, familiar guitar chords filling your ears. The moment it plays, you recognize it—it’s from that weekend trip to the beach last summer.

Your lips part slightly as the memory washes over you.

The sun had just started to set, painting the sky in soft pinks and oranges. You and Riki had been sitting in the sand, sneakers discarded, the distant sound of waves blending into the music playing from his speaker.

“If I had to pick a favorite sunset, this would be it.” You had stretched your arms behind you, leaning back, letting the breeze tangle in your hair.

“You say that every time.” Riki had scoffed, but his voice was softer than usual.

“Because it always feels true in the moment.”

He hadn’t responded right away. You remember that part clearly. He had just looked at you for a second, something unreadable in his gaze. Then, instead of saying anything, he had reached over and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear before quickly looking away, pretending like he hadn’t just done it.

You had pretended, too.

Now, lying in the dark, you exhale shakily.

You’re not imagining this. You can’t be.

These songs—they’re not just random picks. They’re moments, his moments, things that must have meant something to him.

And the more you listen, the clearer it becomes.

You need to talk to him.

The next day, it happens by surprise.

Because of you.

You’re sitting outside the café on campus, staring at your untouched drink, mind replaying the song over and over, when Riki slides into the seat across from you with a lazy grin.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he teases, stealing one of your fries without asking.

You don’t respond. Just stare at him, long enough that the grin fades slightly from his lips.

“What?” he asks, chewing.

“Why won’t you admit that you made it?.”

His chewing slows. “Made what?”

You inhale sharply. “The playlist.”

Silence.

Riki freezes for half a second—so quick you almost miss it—before he forces a shrug, looking off to the side. “Yeah, so what? I made it.”

You blink, caught off guard by the casual admittance. “So what? You weren’t ever going to bring it up?”

He scoffs. “Didn’t know I had to.” Then, before you can say anything else, he pushes his phone across the table toward you, screen lighting up with his music app. “Just—listen to the last song.”

Your stomach twists. “Riki—”

“Just listen.”

And the way he says it—quiet, firm, almost nervous—makes you reach for his phone without another word.

You hesitate for only a second before pressing play.

The song starts slow, just like the last one—soft piano notes trickling in, delicate and familiar. It takes only a few seconds before you recognize it.

Your breath catches.

This song—it’s from that night.

The night it rained.

You remember it so clearly now, like the memory has just been waiting to resurface.

You and Riki had been caught in the sudden downpour, running through the empty streets, your shoes slapping against the wet pavement. You had been laughing, breathless, soaked to the bone, and Riki had grabbed your wrist, pulling you under the awning of a closed bookstore.

“We suck at checking the weather.” You had panted, pushing your dripping hair out of your face.

“No, you suck at checking the weather,” Riki had corrected, shaking out his arms like a wet dog.

You had rolled your eyes, shivering slightly. Without a word, Riki had tugged off his soaked hat, shaking off the rain before draping it over your head.

“Riki—”

“Just wear it,” he had muttered, avoiding your eyes. “Protects you from the rain a bit.”

The moment had stretched between you, heavy despite the laughter that had just filled the air. You remember how his fingers had brushed against yours when he adjusted the hat, how close he had been, how the rain had clung to his lashes when he finally looked at you.

And now—this song.

It had been playing from the small speaker outside the bookstore, blending into the sound of raindrops and your pounding heart.

Back in the present, sitting across from Riki in the café, you slowly set his phone down.

He’s not looking at you, gaze fixed on the table, fingers tapping against his cup.

Your chest feels impossibly tight.

“This song,” you whisper. “I remember it.”

Riki lets out a quiet breath, barely a laugh, shaking his head. “Yeah? thought you wouldn’t with your short term memory.”

Your heart stutters. “Why—” You swallow. “Why put this one last?”

Finally, he looks at you. There’s something in his expression you can’t quite place—something cautious, something vulnerable.

“Because that’s when I knew.”

Your stomach flips. “Knew what?”

He exhales sharply, shaking his head like he’s frustrated with himself. Then, he meets your gaze, eyes steady.

“That I liked you.”

The words hang between you, weighty and real.

“Me too” you responded.

Series Taglist — prev

@saphiranishimurashan @elairah @baribaaari @m1kkso @letwiiparkjay @jellyluv4eva @manuosorioh @moontyun @mbsnow @taesanoreohair @tiny-shiny @glimmerinaaa @e-r-i-15 @starbyeol1512 @seyoungiesleeps @vrusha01 @enhaprettystars @luv-rizzimura

[guksfairy]

hidden in harmony | JJK

SERIES MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST | PLAYLIST

☆ in which you and Jungkook attend a concert together <3 (with friends)

wc: 3.1k

notes: in my universe BILLLIE is as famous as BTS <3, another group hangout yay ! , i decided to use KakaoTalk instead of iMessage bc for the life of me I can't find a good fake text app I actually like, fluff!!!

“You guys should come along! Hyeonjae told me that Tag was told to bring as many friends as he wanted!” Eunwoo takes a sip of your hot chocolate as Areum explains the conversation she had with Hyeonjae a while ago. She said that on her way to this cafe they bumped into each other and got to talking.

Hitting Eunwoo on the chest for stealing your warm drink, you smile and Jimin replies, “What if he just wanted you? You guys were making heart eyes at each other that time at lunch. This could be his way of asking you out on a date,” Jimin finishes and you and Eunwoo agree.

Areum hides her face against her sweater sleeve and you all know she’s blushing.

“What group is performing?” Eunwoo asks, “BILLLIE,” Areum composes herself and replies which causes you all freeze.

BILLLIE? Is she talking about the internationally famous girl group?

“Wait, Areum…BILLLIE as in thinkin’ ‘bout you thinkin’ ‘bout me BILLIE?” you say singing a part of their song that got them to go viral in Korea, and later on, everywhere else in the world. She simply nods and you, along with Jimin and Eunwoo, stay still. Simply staring at her.

“You’re saying we could get free VIP tickets to watch their concert because your boyfriend’s friend produced songs on their new album?” Jimin takes a breath after speaking so fast. You barely caught onto his words.

“First of all, Hyeonjae is not my boyfriend-”

“So you say,” Jimin interrupts and Areum glares at him.

“Second of all, yes. From what I was told, Tag was contacted by their company to produce a couple of songs on their new comeback album. I guess they got along with him so well they invited him to their concert here in Seoul and told him to invite all his friends,” she explains.

If Hyeonjae is going then that means Jungwon and Jungkook are going too. You’re not one to miss a chance to spend time with your boyfriend.

“I’m in! I love BILLLIE. I also think that Hyeonjae and his friends are fun,” you say mostly referring to your boyfriend.

“I’ll go. I have nothing better to do that night,” Jimin says quickly after and Eunwoo follows, “Me too. What’s better than going to a concert of a group you don’t know too well,”

“We’ll listen to them in the car,” you say and he nods.

“Great. I’ll text Hyeonjae that we’re all going,”

“Yeah go text your boyfriend,” you tease and she rolls her eyes playfully before taking her phone out and texting him.

Eunwoo and Jimin get into conversation about how they really need more guy friends and you laugh for a moment before you realize you should tell Jungkook you’re going.

“What are you smiling about?” Eunwoo asks next to you. You quickly turn your screen off and put your phone back into your purse.

“Nothing. I was just looking for outfit ideas on Pinterest,” you say and Areum chimes in, “We should go shopping early in the morning. I don’t have anything I like in my closet for the concert,” she says.

“She just wants a new outfit to impress Hyeonjae,” Jimin mutters and earns a hit from Areum. As he hisses at the non-existent pain you think about tomorrow and how, if you plan it right, you could be right next to Jungkook at the venue.

Your shopping trip was 10% you actually looking for something cute and purchasing it and 90% Areum freaking out over what would look good.

“You look pretty in that too,” you say as you lean against the wall of the fitting room as Areum goes through her 7th outfit option. She looked just as pretty in the other outfits but she was convinced that there was always a better outfit she would find.

“Ugh what if Hyeonjae doesn’t like it! I really like him, Y/N” she says and you sigh walking up to her, “I know you do,” you chuckle as she leans in for a hug, “And if he feels the same way you do, which he does, he’ll agree with my opinion,” you say and she pulls away to look at herself in the mirror for the nth time.

“I liked the first outfit,” she says and you laugh as she begins changing back to the first option. Unlike Areum, you had already chosen a simple outfit for the night. You had texted Jungkook asking what he would be wearing and he told you something along the line of nothing special maybe just all black. You took that note and decided you would also be going in all black.

You had settled on a black lace shirt and skirt. Areum had convinced you to wear a bow in your hair because she thought it put the whole outfit together and you agreed. Purchasing a black bow at the last store you had visited.

The plan was to meet up with Eunwoo and Jimin at Areum’s by 6:30 latest and then meet up with Jungkook and his friends by 7:00 outside the venue. 2 hours before their performance because apparently, something Tag forgot to leave out, you were all going to be meeting them backstage before their concert. Something you got really nervous for.

It was roughly 4 by the time you and Areum got to her apartment because shopping is your favorite thing to do, besides Jungkook, and sometimes you find yourself getting carried away.

Dozens of shopping bags stood by the entrance door as you and Areum took a quick break from walking around all day and laid on her couch simply scrolling through social media.

It wasn’t until almost an hour later that Areum received a message from Eunwoo saying he and Jimin were on their way that you both jumped up and started getting ready yourselves.

When the guys arrived they simply stayed in the living room waiting for you two to be done so they could be on their way.

“I’m so nervous,” Areum says as she adds the last bit of gloss to her lips.

“To meet the girls or because of Hyeonjae?” you ask.

“Both,” she replies and you giggle at her response.

“Is there a way we can rush this process?” Jimin says standing against the bathroom doorframe.

“Relax. We’re basically done,” you say checking your makeup one last time before walking past Jimin to the living room where Eunwoo sat watching some movie.

“Well don’t you look dapper,” you tell him before sitting on the other far end of the couch. He thanks you and you resume your activity of scrolling through your phone once more.

JK 🤍🐰: Photo

The notification distracts you from the cute cat video you were watching. You turn your body slightly away from Eunwoo and watch him to make sure he doesn’t see your screen. When you’re sure he was too busy with the movie you tap on the notification and are met with the picture he sent.

It’s clearly a group photo but he cropped it so he was only one in the photo.

You chuckle and heart the image before replying back that you guys will be on your way soon as well.

“Areum you look fine let’s go!” you hear Jimin say from the restroom and you laugh as you watch them exit the room. Eunwoo gets up and you follow behind.

“Before we go we have to put batteries in these,” Areum placed four white boxes on the dinner table before sliding one to each of you.

“What are these?” Jimin asks opening the box.

“They’re lightsticks,” she replies walking to a nearby drawer and taking out a big pack of batteries.

“She bought them earlier,” you mention and open your box and Eunwoo does the same. You each take four batteries and turn them on to make sure they work. You had purchased some cute cat ears for yours earlier in the day, so you made sure to put them on before you forget. When you all confirm they do work, you all make your way out the door and down to Eunwoo’s car.

You sat in the back with Areum singing your hearts out to the BILLLIE songs playing from Areum’s phone that she connected the aux cord to. Jimin and Eunwoo just laughed and harmonized with you two every once in a while.

After a short 15 minutes of singing and dancing around you all get to the packed venue. Boys and girls posing in front of the place with their lightsticks and others buying merch on the side. You smile at everyone’s eagerness as Eunwoo drives to the other side of the venue to a gate. The security guard asking them for a badge and Areum extends her hand over you and the man scans something on her phone screen before allowing you all to enter the gated area.

You look around and see Jungkook’s car not too far.

“Koo’s car!” You exclaim and only realize what you had said after Jimin turned to look at you.

“Who?”

“Jungkook,” you say trying to play it off.

“No, you said Koo,” Eunwoo says with his eyes still staring in front of him.

“No I said Jungkook. I just didn’t pronounce his name entirely,” you reply trying to move on from the subject entirely. Not exactly a lie.

“So defensive,” Areum laughs and Eunwoo finds a parking spot near Jungkook.

You’re thankful they didn’t say anything else afterwards and ply away at why you called Jungkook by his nickname. Whether it’s because they’re excited for the concert or because they genuinely don’t care, you’re grateful.

The four of you get out of the car and Jimin is the first to spot Jungkook and his friends. Hyeonjae spots Areum and waves her over and you all follow close behind. Tag is the first to say something.

“I’m so glad you guys could make it,”

“I’m just excited to see BILLLIE,” Areum replies and goes in to hug Hyeonjae. No one from either group says anything but, mentally, you’re all teasing the duo.

“We should go. Their manager told us to be there in 20,” Jungwon says holding up a phone.

“Wait! Before we go in…” Tag holds up a handful of badges that state you’re all VIP guests. He hands them around and you place yours carelessly.

Standing next to you, Jungkook looks at the group who are all focused on themselves and takes the opportunity to fix your lanyard for you so it’s straight.

You look up at him and smile when he gives you a subtle wink and an air kiss that you return. You both walk behind your friends, you in front of him with your hand behind your back that he’s holding.

Tag leads the group through the door and a couple hallways before reaching a door with a paper that read ‘BILLLIE’

You felt your excitement rise as you walked through the door, subtly letting go of Jungkook’s hand when the group huddled up again, you heard their voices.

“Tag!” a blonde haired member exclaims and all the girls turned your way. Flustered, you take a small step back, Jungkook takes notice and makes a move to stand behind you before running the back of his hand up and down your back to soothe you. It works. It always does.

“I’m so happy you could make it!” Another member says walking up to the group. Tag reciprocates their hugs before introducing everyone. You all waved as your name was brought up and they all politely greeted you in return.

“I hope none of you mind you’re being filmed for our tour documentary,” the pink haired girl, Tsuki, warns you all but none of you pay any mind to the camera on you.

You decide to be brave and speak up, “Hi, I’m Y/N, as Tag introduced, and I’m a really big fan of you guys,” you sort of ramble but calm yourself before you could continue. You don’t miss Jungkook’s little snicker at you.

“We’re so happy that you are-oh my god your outfit is so cute!” Tsuki says as she looks you up and down while you fluster up a bit. You feel your cheeks heating up.

“Thank you,”

“Yeah you’re even matching with your boyfriend! How cute,” another member, Sua, joins into the conversation.

“My what-”

Before you know it the members are all staring at Jungkook who is stood behind you. He quickly straightens up as he senses his ears go red.

“Oh they’re not dating but these two are,” Jungwon laughs and point his fingers at Areum and Hyeonjae. He doesn’t realize how thankful you are about him changing the subject so quick.

“Really?” quickly the members take interest and start to tease the two as you look up at Jungkook who looks like he’s trying to hold back a smile.

The rest of the time was spent talking with other members and taking pictures. You, Areum, and Sua decided to make a TikTok together as the others were in their own conversation.

The TikTok dance was fun and energetic leaving you three laughing like you had been best friends for years. Areum grabs the phone to rewatch the video you all made and Sua takes the chance to ask.

“So…he is your boyfriend isn’t he?”

“Huh?” you look at her hoping she was joking but she wore a cunning smile. One that said she knew more than you were letting on.

“C’mon, you can’t seriously tell me that he’s not your boyfriend or something when every single time I look his way his eyes are on you with a smile that tells me he would die for you,”

“…None of our friends know,” you let out. It’s not like this famous kpop idol would tell anyone, besides, it felt nice to tell someone!

“Yeah…if your friends can’t tell that you’re both in love with each other than you might want to buy them glasses,” she giggles and you join. Your flustered state noticed by Jungkook who turned to you the moment he heard your laugh.

“Okay we all look good in this and we totally pulled off that dance,” Areum returns back with the phone still playing the video.

After another 20 minutes or so the staff warned the group they had 40 minutes to change into their stage outfits and finish up anything else needed.

“Bye! We hope you guys enjoy the show!” The members waved as you walked out of their dressing room back into the hallway and were being lead to another area by a staff member.

Again, you walked in the very back with Jungkook.

“You look gorgeous tonight,” his voice was low but that just made the hairs on the back on your neck stand.

“You look handsome,” the group turns a corner and you stop in your tracks hoping that you don’t lose the group or that they notice you to missing.

You lean against the wall and pull Jungkook by the arm onto you in which he gladly leans in for a kiss. His lips always felt like home no matter where you were or in what situation you were in.

Pulling away from the kiss you both stare at each other for a moment before giggling.

“Let’s go before they realize we’re missing,” Jungkook says and you nod as you turn the corner to find the group not too far ahead and catch up completely unnoticed.

The staff lead you to an area where the stage was neither too close nor too far. It was closed off with security at the entrance for your safety.

The seating arrangement was almost perfect. Tag was in the corner with Jungwon and Areum sat between him and Hyeonjae giving Jungkook the perfect opportunity. He sat next to Hyeonjae and you took the seat right next to him. Jimin and Eunwoo on your right. You sort of hoped that you wouldn’t be in the middle of your friends but this was good enough.

“Cute light stick,” Jungkook points to light stick that wore the cat ears from earlier.

“Thanks. Cute face,” you reply and he laughs resisting the urge to kiss you.

You watched as the eager fans walked, some ran, to their seat as you all simply enjoyed the time. You and Jungkook spoke and joked around as everyone else was in their own world. Tag with Jungwon, Hyeonjae with Areum, and Jimin with Eunwoo.

An hour later the lights dimmed and music started to play erupting screams and cheers from all directions including your group. The first song was a hyper one and you all stood on your feet as the girls walked onto the stage and started performing.

Waving around your cute lightstick and singing your heart out, you have the time of your life. You record videos of the them performing and turn the camera to you singing with Jungkook singing a repeating line. At one point, you and Areum stood in front of the group as your favorite song came on and the guys recorded you two. Jungkook’s frame was only focused on you.

You know what the best thing about concerts are? The dark. The way Jungkook can have his hand around your waist when your next to him and none of his or your friends take notice. The way you can hold his hand in the air with an excuse that it’s merely because of the song as you also take Jimin’s hand and wave it around. Only when you let go of Jimin’s hand, you don’t let go of Jungkook’s.

It was possibly the perfect night. A lovely night spent with your friends and your boyfriend. You think back to the conversation you had with Jungkook when you first started dating. About how this should be a private relationship between you two. No friends or family. Perhaps you can tell them. You know Jungkook wouldn’t mind…but then again.

The thrill was also fun and exciting. Maybe one day, but not anytime soon. For now, let it be only between you and Jungkook.

Maybe you’ll just tell them by sending them your wedding invites on a random Tuesday.

[xvysarene]

ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕙 𝕒𝕟𝕕 ℍ𝕠𝕞𝕖

Pairing: LADS Men (+ Caleb) x Fem!Reader Prompt: Husband material & domestic life Words: ~1.4k || 300-400 per LI Genre: Fluff, Comfort, Suggestive (if you blink), Established relationship A/N: Another request by my sis @brailsthesmolgurl. It's quite a challenge writing in this kind of short format, but I love how it turned out!

[ᝰ.ᐟ MASTERLIST]

⊱ 𝕏𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕖𝕣

Xavier keeps a watchful eye, a beacon of reassurance in a world filled with uncertainty.

Regular check-ins during the day such as “𝑁𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔?”, “𝑇𝘩𝑖𝑛𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑓 𝑈”, and “𝐻𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑈 𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑛?” are gentle reminders that he’s there for you.

Whether it be a hand on your back, positioning himself on the street side to shield you from the oncoming traffic, or ensuring your comfort before taking a seat, his subtle acts affirm his protective nature.

You won’t feel his watchfulness to be intrusive; he respects your boundaries and independence, believing that his role is to enhance your safety and well-being, not to control you.

Like a ray of tranquility amidst the raging storm, Xavier's composed approach keeps the frictions between you both from escalating.

The flames of anger will be extinguished, restoring harmony, unity, and equilibrium.

Evenings are reserved for cuddles, finding solace from the chaos of the outside world, enveloped in the warmth of each other's embrace.

Though you’re still hesitant to let him near the cooktop or oven, he has mastered the art of preparing hot chocolates for your downtime.

The soft grumbles escaping his lips as you pause threading through his hair brings out a chuckle from you.

Teasingly, you ask what his associates at UNICORNS would say if they witnessed the fierce hunter yielding to a head scratch.

When no reply comes, you assume he has fallen asleep. But in a sudden blur of movement, Xavier is on top of you, one hand firmly pinning yours down.

“𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤, 𝑑𝑎𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑎𝑠𝑘 𝑖𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝘩𝑜𝑤 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝘩𝑜𝑤 𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑟𝑐𝑒 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑏𝑒,” the low whispered words and the scent of chocolate wafting off him sends a delicious shiver down your spine.

As you meet his smouldering gaze, you're reminded once more that beneath his calm exterior lies an untamed passion waiting to be unleashed.

His other hand has embarked on its journey, its touch electrifying, sending excitement coursing through your veins.

⊱ ℝ𝕒𝕗𝕒𝕪𝕖𝕝

Rafayel may be a maestro in allocating his focus and attention to several people at once, a skill developed by his job of entertaining the crowd.

But, when you’re by his side, you can be certain that his attention will solely be on you.

Unabashed physical affection—fingers interlacing with yours, an arm wrapping around you, or giving you a quick kiss—and the variety of nicknames (wifey, doll, babe, among others) he uses even in public leaves no doubt to others that you’re his.

And he’s yours.

“𝑃𝑎𝑟𝑑𝑜𝑛 𝑚𝑒, 𝐼 𝑠𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑦 𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑓𝑎𝑐𝑡 𝑡𝘩𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢’𝑣𝑒 𝑓𝑎𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑎𝑐𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤𝑙𝑒𝑑𝑔𝑒 𝑚𝑦 𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝑤𝑖𝑓𝑒,” he'll interject, cutting off the words of anyone who seemingly ignores you, letting them know that they have truly offended you and him, “𝐴𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑦 𝑤𝘩𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢’𝑣𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑜𝑏𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠 𝑡𝑜.”

He will ensure you never feel unloved or not good enough for him. Words of affirmation will grace your life, constantly reminding how cherished you are. 

Don’t be surprised by the lavish pampering and sudden romantic, at times whimsical, getaways.

Theme park’s resort hopping? Sounds fun!

Your dining table will always be adorned with fresh flowers, meanwhile, the books are sorted by colour—a quirky habit of Rafayel that you find amusing, especially when he scolds you for misplacing a book.

Rafayel's fiery passion, though, can manifest in heated arguments. Nonetheless, he’ll still acknowledge your perspective, validating your feelings and concerns speaks volumes about his respect.

Be aware of his cheeky personality that will definitely rile you up. He enjoys teasing you, but it's all in good fun.

“𝑌𝑜𝑢’𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑜 𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑜𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔!”

Tugging your hand, he cages you with his arms. A mischievous smile on his face as he replies, “𝑌𝑒𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝘩𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑖𝑡𝘩 𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑜𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑔𝑢𝑦, 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆𝒚,” before capturing your lips, turning your complaints into a symphony of moans.

Talented artist's fingers will make you quiver with anticipation. You're his canvas on which pleasure is painted in vibrant shades of desire with each touch.

⊱ ℤ𝕒𝕪𝕟𝕖

Zayne’s stoic nature and stress melt away the moment he steps through the door, replaced with a content smile gracing his lips at the sight of you welcoming him.

On his best days, he greets you back with a kiss, whispering, “𝐼’𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢, 𝑚𝑦 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒.” A trace of guilt laces his words when your messages from earlier in the day were left unanswered due to his busy schedule.

On the bad days, seeing the lingering frown on his face or sensing the overpowering pressure that he can't quite shake as he walks inside, you greet him with an even warmer embrace.

Sinking to the floor as you hold him tight, the shared silence between you and him is a language all their own, a refuge in a world filled with noise.

And it works both ways.

He’s always ready to be your pillar, holding you firmly through your burdens, sharing the weight when it becomes too much.

Stability and security—that’s how you feel around him. He’s your steady anchor in a turbulent sea.

Whenever he travels out of town for work, you occasionally tag along, and he feels guilty about leaving you by yourself.

A dinner together is guaranteed, no matter how tied up he is during the day. His eyes soften with adoration as he watches you chew your food happily.

“𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑑𝑖𝑑 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑠𝑜 𝑙𝑢𝑐𝑘𝑦 𝑡𝑜 𝘩𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒?” he murmurs quietly, and you look at him like he’s lost his mind.

Here you are, in a burger joint (much to his dismay, but he won’t say no), enjoying your meal in jeans and a shirt, and he says the most romantic thing.

In any relationship, disagreement is inevitable. Zayne, comfortable with his frigid manner, can be icy and distant, often choosing silence over confrontation. The fights are never loud or explosive, but the quiet cuts just as deep.

Zayne will make the first move towards reconciliation if he's the one who isolates himself. You both understand that growth involves learning to navigate and accept each other's flaws.

With that being said, it won’t be rare for the primal need to surface after he bares his raw emotion. When words fail, his touch conveys everything, setting ablaze an ardent fire between both of you.

His hands roam your body with a scorching zeal, each caress igniting a fervent passion that consumes you both.

⊱ ℂ𝕒𝕝𝕖𝕓

Caleb is akin to a familiar melody tuning in the backdrop of your memories—a constant presence in your life.

Growing up, your paths may have diverged, leading you through different experiences.

Even so, he's still the same Caleb you've always known; the caring sweetheart who gently blew on your scraped knee when you tumbled from the bicycle, the kid who held your hand through your parents’ scolding for returning home late.

It's no wonder your deep bond's gravitational pull draws you back together.

A knowing glance, a shared smile, a comforting touch… there’s an unspoken understanding that transcends words.

The aroma of freshly brewed coffee greets you every morning, a routine he insists on keeping since he knows how much you love it.

A framed photo in the hallway shows two innocent kids smiling side by side. Beside it, another picture shows matured versions of the said children, their smiles illuminated with joy and love shared during their first dance as husband and wife.

It’s more than a memory, more than saying, “𝐼 𝑑𝑜.”

The depth of your trust in him is unparalleled. Every fear, every dream—you've shared it all with him, knowing that he will always listen without judgment.

However, due to the deep pool of shared memories, your debates can swiftly become emotionally charged.

His approach with empathy and commitment to working through obstacles together strengthens your bond with each issue you overcome.

Knowing Caleb for a long time also means you can predict when one of his mischievous antics is about to happen by the playfulness glinting in his eyes.

Just like now, as you tease him for losing the pillow fight.

“𝐼 𝑝𝑢𝑟𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑖𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑔𝑦.”

You gasp as he effortlessly pulls you into his lap, heat flooding your cheeks at the innuendo and the blossoming excitement it ignites.

Strong hands glide up your thigh, settling on your waist. His fingers trace delicate, tantalizing patterns on the skin exposed just above the waistband, chuckling as you squirm.

“𝑁𝑜𝑤, 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑦 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑 𝑡𝑤𝑜? 𝐼 𝑤𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑔𝑜 𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑦 𝑜𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑠 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒.” His warm breath tickles your earlobe before you feel him nibbling on it.

Suffice to say, you surrender pretty quickly this time.

⤷ ᝰ.ᐟ MASTERLIST

[sweetchildcloud]

How Alastor would be as a boyfriend/lover

Pairing: Alastor x A!Reader

Tags:fluff,cute,maybe OOC?[out of character],kisses,pecks,snuggling.

P.S: this is my first time writing about Alastor so im sorry if its not good :/

A/N: this picture is how Alastor will look at his SO and nobody can change my mind

@muzansslxt @candy69gurl @kiwicopia

Alastor is a very devoted lover and would often do thoughtful and charming things for you like leaving flowers on your doorstep (even tough you both stay at Hazbin Hotel in the same room) or cooking elaborate and delicious meals for you.

He never really strayed from his polite, elegant demeanor or charmingly cocky smile, and seems to truly care for you a great deal. (everyvone at the hotel will always look at you with a stunned look because the radio demon actually fell in love with someone?)

You loved how sweet and kind he was to you and how charmingly adorable he was as well.

He would often shower you with gifts (of stuff you like) and affection like holding hands and quick pecks on the cheek.

You can always rely on him to lift up your spirits whenever you felt down.

You two had a very healthy and happy relationship and brought out the best in each other.

When you two got home [Hazbin Hotel] from dates, you would often watch anime together[the most gruesome ones the better] while snuggling and discussing the episodes.

You especially loved how he would let you hold his fluffy tail and play with it whenever you wanted to and you would always told him how fluffy it felt [obviously in the privacy of your own room,who wants to see the all mighty and scary radio demon...being cuddles by their SO with his tail? probably killing them on spot so that they will not tell anyone]

He would make you hot chocolate and bring blankets to cuddle with on cold days.

On holidays like Valentines day, he would get you elaborate boxes of chocolate covered strawberries, and take you on romantic walks in the forest of his room where the two of you would hold hands, talk about your dreams and hopes, and enjoy the beauty of nature together.

His ears would flatten whenever he was in a playful mood, and they certainly seemed very fluffy. They often brushed against your face whenever he leaned close, and the feeling of his soft ears against your cheeks always made you smile.

Alastor would often let you play with his fluffy ears and would sometimes rub you head affectionately adding a peck on the cheek in return. His ears were soft and adorable to pet, and you really enjoy stroking and touching them whenever he let you. [I LOVE WHEN HIS EARS FLICKERS LIKE UGHHH]

Whenever you two have a disagreement and you start arguing, he becomes very calm and stoic. He is not easily provoked and is able to keep his composure even when you are angry and arguing at him. He never raises his voice or shouts at you, and rarely even scolds you. Instead, he listens to you calmly, tries to see your point of view and eventually tries to find a solution that works for both of you. He is a patient and understanding partner who values harmony and communication.[since he's the radio demon and stuff and radio is communicating trough words]

He recognizes that arguing and fighting is natural in any relationship, but he also realizes that it is not the best way to resolve issues. Instead, he seeks to find common ground with you and to find a compromise that works for both of you. He is also quite good at apologizing when he made mistakes, and is willing to accept his share of the blame whenever the issue was on his end as well.

But in situations where things escalate and you start to get overwhelmed and emotional, he will immediatly stop and comforting you and try to calm you down in a gentle manner. He will be very understanding and comforting, stroking your hair and holding you tightly, whispering soothing and calming words into your ear and even offering to make you a cup of hot tea.

 Alastor is very protective of you, since he had developed a very deep and abiding love for you. He is quick to defend you from others and will do whatever it takes to protect you.

He is a very powerful demon and when he is very angry or feels that someone has hurt you, he becomes very vicious and ruthless.

He has a fierce temper when he fels that anyone threatens to harm the ones he cared about, you most of all. The thought of someone even attempting to harm you incensed him and filled him with a burning rage. This trait is one of the things that you loved about him as you feel secure and safe with him.

When Alastor is upset or angry, his smile never fades from his cheeks but it shifts into a psychotic grin that frightens many,but not you. His eyes become hollow and cold, his breathing becomes rapid and his grin seems even wider than before. He gives off an air of menace and it is clear he is about to go on the attack. In this state, He often seems unhinged and out of control, but it is clear he still remains calculating and calm underneath. This state of his is frightening to many other demons, who tend to avoid him when he is like this.

When you're sick, he does his best to take care of you. He will cook you hot soup, brew you tea, bring you fresh water bottles and even rub your back and wipe your forehead to keep you comfortable. He is very attentive and caring when you are feeling ill and he will do everything he can to help you recover quickly and smoothly.

He will also do his best to entertain you while you are in bed, showing you all his favorite movies or programs [on his old tv],radio talking, joking around to make you laugh and even reading all the best books to you. [he will end up falling asleep cradling you on your bed,the radio will play 30' music,as Charlie gasps soflty saying how cute the two fo you looked as Vaggie tries to drags her gf away to do not disturb you.]

i hope you liked this and if you want more tell me and if you have doubts or questions if in the era of Alastor there were TVs, yes there were TVs at that time as the first TV was created in 1927 and he was killed in 1933.

i think Alastor would love old tvs unitl 1970 or 1980 because the others will remind him of Vox XD.

[mer-acle]

The Greek Gods, described by me:

(pls take this as hc I just have vibes)

Zeus:

That uncle that thinks they're fun at parties, but actually everybody just wants them to shut up and stop talking about the shape of the earth. Knows the truth and what's best for you (hmmm)

Poseidon:

That uncle that is perpetually absent, but very loud when he does show. Teases everyone and never notices that some of it hurts. Has slightly less unhinged ideas about the world than Zeus but is just as annoying about them.

Hades:

The uncle that at least gets how unhinged everything is. Usually has the reasonable arguments but nobody listens. Has no idea what you are up to, but at least he feels bad that he's distant. Hates family gatherings even more than the second generation.

Hera:

True professional. Made bad choices (marrying Zeus) but now guess we'll deal with it. Olympus runs because of her. Being a bastard child does not serve you well, unless what you want actively annoys Zeus, or if you know not to expect a mother figure but approach her as queen.

Demeter:

Tries to fix Olympus sometimes, but it never goes well. Perfectly agreeable until you go after the environment (honestly you go girl). Is a genuinely sweet Mom who probably cries if you get her a gift because she loves you so much. Probably will get a dog to compensate for you growing up and moving out (even if you didn't get kidnapped first)

Hestia:

The best. Always has hot chocolate and a place to unwind. Honestly everyone would be happier if they spent more time with her. Possibly the only God who genuinely knows peace.

Athena:

Oh look, the oldest and gifted too. No coincidence that there was nothing about being happy in that prophecy about her. Is naturally good at pretty much anything she tries, except feelings. Will join in with the first gen's arguments even though there's nothing to be gained, it's just hard to sit by all the bullshit when you know better.

Hephaestus:

Honestly a pretty chill dude. Just wants to make things. Every few hundred years he'll make something evil-scientist-y so Olympus remembers he's not a doormat. Would have coined the word introvert if Hades hadn't beaten him to it.

Aphrodite:

Smarter than you think. Torn between being exactly what everyone sees her as and being anything but. Don't mistake love for harmony, this girl holds her ground and just bc she has emotional intelligence does not mean she won't punch where it really stings.

Ares:

They really screwed this guy over, he's just doing his job. Yes, he will kill you, but not if you're unarmed. Honest, strong, straightforward, and can be gentle as long as not on the battlefield. Give this big man some appreciation and self-esteem, by Styx!

Artemis:

A mythic bitch. Possibly the first ever activist, making a point of breaking gender norms. Smart, capable, and independent. Her views can be a little extreme at times, but you can't deny that running around the woods with a bunch of wild nymphs lesbians imo is massive lifegoals

Apollo:

Fabulous. Cannot pick a hobby to save his life. Is the most competent and put-together medic ever but outside of the tent, he cries about puppy videos. Always torn between "I am the best there ever was" and "I am a failure of a man, a god, a being!"

Hermes:

God of ADHD and we love him for it. Also a little menace who is simultaneously an amazing liar and can't keep his mouth shut when he really should (thankfully he's quick on his feet). Physically unable to take anything seriously.

Dionysus:

Does all the drugs (which is especially crazy given he can actually die) Being the youngest does actually do nothing for him. God of side quests and mayhem. Seriously mess with him and your mental health is gone forever (that explains a lot about me actually)

[sherewrytes]

𝚆𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙽𝚊𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚒

Trying to see if I can post a Christmas one-shot every day.

Title: Under the Mistletoe

The city square was a scene out of a holiday postcard. Snowflakes drifted softly from the sky, settling on the ground as Christmas lights twinkled along every building, casting a festive glow over the crowd below. The crisp winter air felt refreshing, carrying with it the faint scent of pine and cinnamon, mixing with the joyful hum of voices.

Nanami and you walked side by side, your fingers brushing every so often, though neither felt the need to say anything. It was a quiet kind of peace, the kind that only came when you were with someone who understood the value of silence. Still, Nanami couldn't help but glance at you now and then, his eyes softening when you caught his gaze.

"Ready?" you smiled, a playful spark in your eyes as you approached the ice skating rink that had been set up in the middle of the square.

Nanami’s brow furrowed slightly, but there was no hesitation in his voice as he nodded. "I haven't skated in years," he said with a dry chuckle, his usual stoicism belying the slight nervousness that tugged at his chest.

"You'll do fine," you assured him, nudging him lightly with your elbow. "And if you fall, I’ll catch you."

He offered a small smile in return, the hint of warmth in his expression making the moment feel all the more special. The rink was busy with couples and families gliding over the ice, but Nanami kept his attention on you as you skated in circles, gracefully moving with ease.

For a few minutes, he was awkward on the ice, but with you skating ahead of him, showing him the way, he began to find his balance. Your laughter, soft and genuine, filled the air around you as you glided along. Nanami felt the tension in his shoulders slowly melt away, replaced by something like contentment—being here, with you, was enough.

Afterwards, you strolled through the square, your arms brushing as you passed the various stalls selling holiday treats. The carolers were gathered in the corner of the square, their voices soaring in perfect harmony as they sang classic Christmas songs. The music floated through the air, adding a magical touch to the evening.

Nanami lingered a few steps behind, his gaze fixed on you as you watched the performance. There was something about this moment that felt strangely familiar—almost as if he had been waiting for this connection his whole life.

"How do they do that?" you mused, turning to Nanami, who shook his head with a bemused smile.

"Magic," he replied dryly, though his heart wasn’t entirely in his teasing. He found himself content just to be in this moment, together, with the world around you buzzing but feeling so far away.

At Home:

Later, you returned to the warmth of Nanami’s apartment. The night had grown colder, but inside, the atmosphere was cozy—soft lighting, the scent of pine from the small tree in the corner, and the crackling fire in the hearth. Nanami moved through the kitchen, preparing two mugs of hot chocolate, rich and creamy, topped with a generous amount of whipped cream and marshmallows.

He handed one mug to you, your fingers brushing again as you took it, both of you silently enjoying the warmth that spread from your hands to your hearts. The fire flickered in the corner, casting soft shadows across the room as you settled onto the couch.

The silence was comfortable, a quiet shared between you as you sipped your drinks. Nanami glanced over at you, noticing the way your eyes shone in the dim light, the way you looked so content, so peaceful in that moment. There was something about it that made him want to hold on to time itself.

When the last sip of hot chocolate was finished, Nanami set his mug down gently, his fingers absently tracing the rim as he hesitated. Then, after a beat of silence, he reached into his pocket, pulling out a neatly folded piece of paper.

“I… wrote something,” he said quietly, his deep voice betraying a hint of uncertainty. He cleared his throat softly, the sound almost drowned by the crackling of the fire. "I want to share it with you."

You turned toward him, your curiosity piqued. You watched as Nanami unfolded the paper, then began to speak, his voice low and steady.

The Poem:

“Everyday I'll love you,” Nanami began, his deep voice reverberating in the stillness of the room.

There’s no part of you I don’t want No part of you I don’t want to love No part of you I don’t wanna kiss, that I don’t wanna explore more When I’m with you my mind is quiet My soul at peace My heart is full.

He paused, his eyes finding yours, though he didn't stop reading. His gaze softened, his words becoming more vulnerable with each line.

I want to stick to your side through the difficult conversations Hold your hand at the end of a stressful day and hold you close while we sleep I wanna watch you lean on the counter while I make us breakfast to start your day I wanna listen to your life stories, like an audiobook on your life I wanna kiss you sweetly, fuck you slowly I wanna hold your love in my hand in the form of our future children

Nanami’s voice was steady, yet there was an intensity in it that could not be ignored. He continued, each word spoken like a promise.

I can’t help if I’m smitten, I can’t help if I’m lost in love Every little detail about you captures my attention like a moth to the flame And don’t get me started on your voice— It has this soothing effect that makes me want to dive deeper into your soul.

He stopped for a moment, his throat tightening as he said the next part—something he’d thought but never truly admitted to himself before.

I know we’re new to each other, but there’s something about you that feels so familiar... Like we’re two long-lost souls finally reunited.

The last lines were whispered, heavy with emotion.

In this fast-paced world where people come and go, I wish we could stay right here, right now Sadly there is no right now, with your busy life that I sometimes feel at the bottom of I wonder what goes on in your mind, even though you say I don’t wanna know I want you to trust me (I wonder if I’ll ever have your trust)

He hesitated again, then pushed through.

I love you—those words I wish I could say every day but I can’t, So I smother you in gifts and words hoping it reaches your broken soul that’s searching for that unconditional love Everyday I’ll love you, I’ll love you until you can stand up for yourself more (and even after then) I’ll love you until you can shelter that kindness from a cruel world only meant to break you (and even after then) I’ll love you until you get that Land Cruiser, the phone, the goal of moving out on your own (and even after then) I’ll love you even on the bad days, I’ll love you on the good days. I’ll... I’ll love you when you decide you no longer want me and this is all over You’ve changed me and... and every day I’ll continue to love you.”

Nanami finished reading, his eyes searching your face as the last line hung in the air. The room felt suspended in time, as if everything outside this moment ceased to exist. The crackling fire, the distant hum of the world outside—none of it mattered now.

You were still, your heart pounding, every word of the poem reverberating in your chest. It felt as if the entire weight of his feelings had been poured into those carefully chosen lines, and for the first time, you could truly see the depth of his love. It wasn’t just affection; it was everything—an unwavering commitment, vulnerability, and a promise for the future.

You couldn’t find the words right away. Your throat tightened as emotion rose inside of you, and you blinked quickly, willing the tears that threatened to form to stay at bay. His gaze never wavered, his hands folded calmly in his lap, but you could see the subtle tension in his features as if he, too, was waiting for your response.

Your hand shook as you reached out, hesitating for just a moment before you placed it gently over his. The warmth of his skin seemed to ground you, and the simple gesture sent a wave of emotion rushing through you. Slowly, you squeezed his hand, your chest tightening.

“Nanami…” Your voice cracked, raw with feeling as the weight of the moment became too much.

His eyes softened, as if he understood—truly understood—the enormity of what he had just shared. You opened your mouth, trying to say something, anything, but no words could come. The lump in your throat made it difficult to speak, and all you could do was gaze at him, your eyes glistening with the emotion that you could no longer hide.

“Do you…” you whispered, voice trembling, “…do you really mean all of that?”

Nanami didn’t answer right away. Instead, he simply nodded, his expression soft, almost vulnerable. He leaned closer, his face inches from yours, and you could feel the quiet sincerity in his gaze. Then, without another word, he pressed his lips to your forehead, a gentle kiss that left a lingering warmth on your skin.

You closed your eyes, the touch so tender that it almost took your breath away. For a moment, the world felt like it had stopped, and all you could feel was his presence, the love he had laid bare for you. When you finally opened your eyes, your hand still clutching his, you allowed the tears to fall, unable to hold them back any longer.

“Thank you,” you whispered, the words barely audible, but filled with all the gratitude and love you couldn’t express in any other way. “Thank you for trusting me with that.”

Nanami’s hand gently cupped your face, his thumb brushing away the tears that had fallen down your cheek. He didn’t speak right away, but the warmth in his eyes told you everything you needed to know.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he said softly, his voice thick with emotion. “You’ve already given me everything I need.”

You leaned into his touch, the weight of his words still settling into your heart. In that moment, everything felt right—everything felt like it had finally fallen into place.

“I love you,” you whispered back, the words coming more easily now, the truth of them echoing in your chest.

Nanami smiled then, a small, soft smile that held so much meaning behind it. “Every day,” he said quietly. “I’ll love you every day.”

The fire crackled in the background, the soft glow of the lights casting a warm, intimate glow around you both. The world outside was cold, but inside, you were wrapped in the warmth of each other’s love—a love that felt like home.

[norrisleclercf1]

Day 24 of 25 Days of Christmas: Spending Christmas Eve together

Pairing: Fernando Alonso x Reader

Words: 874

Rating: PG

As the sun dipped below the horizon on Christmas Eve, a warm glow filled your home, the kind that only this time of year could bring. The excitement hung thick in the air, a palpable feeling that made your heart race just a little as you and Fernando set about your festive rituals.

You glanced around at the twinkling lights strung along the windows and the scent of pine wafting from the freshly cut Christmas tree adorned with ornaments that held memories of years gone by. It was a scene straight out of a holiday movie, and you couldn't help but smile at the thought that tomorrow, your little boy and girl would wake up to magic.

“Are you ready to get all the gifts out?” Fernando called to you from the living room. His voice was a mix of excitement and determination, knowing you both had a fair bit of work ahead. You nodded, making your way to join him, and together, you began to unwrap the treasures hidden in the corners of your home.

The first box you opened contained a colorful array of gifts—presents for your children, beautifully wrapped and tagged with their names in careful lettering. Fernando handed you a stack of presents, his face lighting up as he exclaimed, “Look at this one! I can’t wait to see their faces when they unwrap it.”

You both chuckled, the warmth of togetherness radiating as you carefully placed each gift under the tree. You became a team, working harmoniously to create the magical scene you knew they’d adore. As the pile grew, you took a moment to step back and admire your handiwork, the lights glinting off the sparkly wrapping paper—a sight sure to ignite the joy in your little ones.

But you two weren't done just yet. There were toys to assemble, and you both knew you had a few to tackle that night. With a playful sigh, you picked up the box labeled “Deluxe Train Set,” imagining the delight on your son’s face when he saw it in the morning.

You and Fernando spread out the pieces on the living room floor, the instructions resting atop them like a treasure map waiting to be explored. “You put the tracks over there, and I’ll handle the train,” Fernando said, grinning as he assembled the eager little vehicles. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of nostalgia, recalling the times you spent building things together and the laughter and lightheartedness that followed.

As the train took shape, you focused on your own task, your fingers deftly maneuvering the bright pieces, each click and snap reminding you of the magic of childhood. You shared stories, laughter echoing off the walls as you imagined the adventures your children would create with their new toys.

After a little while, you paused to sip hot cocoa, the warmth spreading from your hands to your heart. You glanced up at Fernando, a playful glint in your eyes. “Would it be Christmas Eve if we didn’t pay tribute to the cookies?”

He chuckled, “Absolutely not! We can’t forget Santa’s cookies!” The two of you knew that your children had already put some out for him, but you couldn’t resist the temptation to have a few of your own in the process.

As you made your way to the kitchen, the smell of cocoa wafting behind you, you reached for a plate filled with soft, warm cookies—perfectly baked, gooey chocolate oozing from the center. You took a couple, your taste buds tingling as you savored the first bite. “These are amazing!” you said with delight, biting into another. Fernando followed suit, his smile mirroring yours.

You both settled down at the little table that held your little snack, the evening light softening the world outside. The warm kitchen felt alive with the season's spirit, the sounds of your laughter mixing with the quiet humming of the holiday tunes in the background.

Once your sugar cravings were satisfied, it was time to finish the last touches on the train set. With nimble fingers and shared determination, you and Fernando completed it, setting it up beneath the tree. The contours of the track were inviting and exciting, just like the morning that awaited.

With the gifts laid out and the toys finished, you stepped back to take in the sight. The cozy blanket of Christmas Eve wrapped around you like a hug, filling your heart with warmth. You shared a glance filled with an unspoken gratitude for this moment, the joy of creating treasured memories for your children.

“You know,” Fernando said softly, “we’re making traditions they’ll remember forever.” You nodded, understanding the weight of his words.

Together, as twilight enveloped the earth, you turned off the bright kitchen lights, leaving only the soft glow of the Christmas tree and the flickering candles to illuminate the space. Hand in hand, you both took a moment to fully embrace this magical night, knowing that tomorrow would be filled with laughter, joy, and the sparkle of Christmas magic in the eyes of your beautiful children.

And with that feeling of contentment, you both settled in for a cozy night, your hearts warm with the love and anticipation that Christmas Day would bring.

[dontloooknow]

hungry, lonely, violent

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader

Summary: Days, months, years you spent hungry, yearning. How can a simple two weeks change what's been your life since the outbreak happened? How can one man mend the shattered pieces you never thought could be put back together? How can Joel Miller be that man?

Tags: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Caregiving, Recovery, Healing, Trauma, Oral Sex, Creampie, Size Kink, Size Difference, Older Man/Younger Woman, Hurt/Comfort, Porn with Feelings, No use of y/n, Protective Joel

Word count: 22k

Read on ao3

The sunset is a blaze of orange over Jackson, Wyoming.

You’ve been all over the country at this point, a nomad by choice, who escaped the Atlanta QZ as soon as you had the ability and supplies to do so. There have been rumors of a safe place, a town out west where people live in a harmonious peace behind sealed walls. No infected breaking in, no raiders to rob you or do worse. No corrupt FEDRA agents to gun you down for looking at them funny.

As it turns out, it’s a lot fucking harder to find a place like that, than it is to imagine it. 

You know you’re close; you saw the Welcome to Wyoming sign days ago. Your best guideline is an out of date map that you’d killed a handsy FEDRA guard for. It’s gotten you this far though, so you can’t be too frustrated. 

Of course, it’d be nice if it wasn’t the dead of fucking winter, but you’ve never really had the best luck. 

You know you don’t have long before you need to give up on this insane venture. No one ever actually believed the talk about somewhere safe hidden in the mountains; somewhere that life was meant to be lived and not merely endured. Somewhere that a person could feel like a person again, by way of basic dignity and small decencies.

You can almost feel it now, if you close your eyes and let yourself imagine. The steam of a hot shower; water beating down on sore muscles, wet hair plastered down your back as soap bubbles cascade across slick skin. A mug of coffee, or tea, hell you’d even take hot chocolate at this point. Something to soothe the coldness of your palms; something to warm your throat and belly. The crackle of a fireplace underneath a mantle; hardwood floors, a rug nestled underneath a sofa. 

You were so young when the outbreak happened that you’ve never really gotten to experience these things. But you know them well. Stories from your parents, wishful tales of a life once lived in comfort and peace. An expanse of opportunity, safety to explore, create, enjoy. 

In a world like that, there’s room for all sorts of things you haven’t been able to have. What’s always been a quick meal of ration blocks scarfed down in a hurry, could be a slow-cooking stew, complete with fluffy bread and a glass of clean water with ice. Maybe even a wedge of lemon for flavor, if you’re lucky. A slice of hot pie for dessert, an unneeded expense of greed and hunger, nothing beneficial for your health really except to make you happy. Socks without holes, pants without inner thighs so worn you can feel your cold skin chafing between them. 

In a world like that, there’s room for things like delicacies. Things like…romance.

You have no illusions that this could ever be your future. Since you lost your family, things like safety and stability have been mere fantasy. You can’t remember what a home cooked meal might taste like, or a hug from someone who genuinely cares about you. The men and women you’ve been with have all been quick, dirty fucks, going through the motions to make eachother cum and breathe hollow noises of pleasure that are more for show than anything. 

In a different world, maybe it could all mean something.

You take quick stock of your rations. A half-empty water bottle with a screw-on filter that’s quickly becoming unusable from strain. A can of green beans. A small pack of bandages that have lost most of their adhesive strength from time. One pair of underwear that’s hanging off your pack, wet from a wash in the creek. There’s nothing worse than going commando in sub-zero temperatures, but it’s a necessary evil for hygiene. 

From your place currently hiding out in an abandoned gas station nestled in the mountains of what surely used to be some sort of thriving backwoods community, any hope of that fantastical world really does feel out of reach. For most of your life it felt that if dreams were enough to keep you alive, you’d surely be immortal. But lately, that negligent bit of hope is starting to seem like the flicker of a candle about to blow out. 

And it’s funny, for someone who claims to have given up hope, how quickly you jump into gear when you hear heavy footsteps behind you. Your hands fumble; cold and nearly frozen from the frigid temperatures outside, clasping the grip on your gun. You only have a half-mag left, and with your hands as shaky as they are from the weather, you aren’t feeling confident about your ability to aim as well as needed to make that half-mag worthwhile. 

Still, you have little other choice. In your condition, a hand-to-hand fight would be your undoing. 

“I hear someone in there, breathing,” a gruff voice says. It’s low and careful, a slow southern drawl that you recognize as Texan, most likely. You met a few of them in the Atlanta QZ, and they all had this gentle drawl to them, the same way this man does.

It would be almost a calm, reassuring sound, if his proximity didn’t surely mean imminent death for you.

“A runner?” another voice asks, this one is younger. A man, or a boy maybe, a teenager. 

Fuck. You’re outnumbered, even if these are the only two out here. You’re outnumbered by two men. You’re hungry, and half-frozen, and struggling to think of what to do next. It’s like your brain isn’t functioning at full capacity. Who could blame it, with the months of neglect on the road? When was the last time you even had fucking protein?

You try to listen, try to hone your ears to follow the footsteps of the man coming toward you. Surely he knows where you’re hiding, if he heard you breathing and assumed you were an ill infected. You must really sound like shit. You sort of knew that your lungs had a rattle from the cold and your nose was sniffly, but clearly it's worse than you thought. 

Okay, okay, think. What can I-

Your train of thought is immediately interrupted by a large, thick arm circling around your neck from behind. You gasp as your body is wrenched into the air, a sturdy mountain of a man behind you. In your panic, you drop your gun and reach for his massive forearm, trying to pry it off your neck as your vision begins to go fuzzy.

Holy fuck, you’re going to die at the hands of some random Texas giant in this abandoned gas station. 

“Shit, Joel, she’s not infected!” 

“Wh- Christ!”

In a flat second, you’re on the floor, coughing and gasping as you clutch at your neck, trying to fill your icy lungs with desperate air. The floor is more like concrete, and with the layer of ice spread across it, there’s damn near no cushion for your fall.

The large man reaches out, you can hear his jacket shuffle and his body move, but you scramble away, reaching frantically for your gun. 

The other one, the younger boy, comes into focus and reaches out to pluck up your gun before you can even make an honest grab for it. 

“Hey, we aren’t gonna hurt you,” the boy says, looking down at you earnestly. It’s big talk from the teenager holding a revolver on you, but his eyes are genuine enough. “I’m sorry we scared you. We thought-”

Your vision whites out as you feel a large hand grab your arm. The big man, the giant Texan has grabbed your bicep and is trying to pull you up. Pure instinct takes over; reflex causing you to lash out with your free arm. 

Your knife makes a decent slash in the skin of his hand, and he pulls back with a shouted curse of pain. 

“Whoa whoa!” the boy tries again for a calming tone, still attempting some sort of diplomacy.

Ignoring his pathetic excuse for a ceasefire, you launch yourself at the large man, wielding your knife like it’s your last chance. 

With him momentarily disoriented, it’s easy to hop on his back, effectively putting his body between yours and the boy with the gun as a human shield. And a gigantic one, at that. His shoulders are stocky, easy handholds for you as you settle your legs around his large waist. You press the tip of your knife against his throat, feeling the vibrations of his grunted breaths against your thumb bone. 

This close, you can smell a soft aroma of lemon soap wafting off his wavy hair. It’s dark with streaks of silver dancing down through the ends, matching a well-groomed beard on his jaw. His jacket is thick brown leather, it looks heavy and surely adds bulk to an already impressively large man. 

“Walk out, now!” You warn the boy with the gun, still pressing the blade into the man’s throat. “I won’t kill him if you leave me alone.”

You think it’s a pretty fucking generous offer, considering this giant just tried to choke you out.

The boy glances at the man, sighing. He shakes his head, holstering his gun. “Joel, just be gentle.”

Frowning, you look between them in confusion.

The man, whose name must be Joel, chuckles dryly. It’s a nice sound, a steady reverberation through his chest. In another circumstance, you think it might be a soothing noise. One of those laughs from a person who seems like they know the answer to every question, who's figured everything out. Someone who’d take care of you.

Then, he grabs your wrist so hard you feel bone press into flesh, wrenches the knife away from his throat as if you’re no more than a pesky mosquito, and flips your body over his shoulder. 

Being effectively yeeted into a frozen concrete floor by a man three times your size would most certainly be a death sentence. 

You feel the wind rush out of your lungs, the world spin upside down, and you’re preparing to hear a deafening crack of your skull against the hard ground. 

Before the impact radiates through your body though, you realize he’s slowed your momentum by sliding an arm around your lower back, stopping you just before your body would’ve crashed into the floor. He kneels forward, holding you just above the ice, and you get a good look at his face.

It doesn’t feel like the right time to be thinking this, and you hate yourself a tiny bit, but he’s really fucking handsome. His nose is large and stately, his eyes framed by thick, dark lashes that brush his cheekbones, eyebrows pulled together so his forehead scrunches up. There are lines of age on his face, flecks of gray in his beard, yet the flush to his tanned skin and the light in his gaze tells you he’s in tiptop shape. This is a man who eats well, eats often, and probably isn’t sleeping on the hard ground every night as you’ve been for weeks.

Considering he just tossed you over his shoulder like a tiny bag of flour, this isn’t particularly surprising. 

“If you’d quit tryin’ to kill me, little miss, then maybe we can have a conversation.”

With a growl of anger, you swing your fist. He catches your wrist in his hand so easily it’s humiliating, and gives you a disapproving look. 

“We ain’t gonna hurt ya’,” he continues, “stop swingin’ on me.”

“We should take her back to town,” the boy says, still standing beside the two of you a little awkwardly, “she’s not well.”

At that, you pause, something icy running into your veins. You’ve run into more than enough fucked up little “towns” on your trip west. They always ended up trying to kill you or indoctrinate you into some demented cult ideals. You’ve fought your way out of more than enough situations like this to know that if you don’t escape now, it’s not going to end well.

You’re unarmed, you’re starved, you’re half-frozen, and the man above you is so large you swear you could strap a pair of reins to his shoulders and have him pull a carriage. 

In so many words, you’re fucked.

“Get the fuck off me!” you snarl, wriggling in his grasp and trying to free yourself.

“Alright.” The man releases you and you hit the cold ground, a surprised noise of pain slipping from your mouth as your head smashes into the ice.

“Jesus Joel,” the boy says.

“She told me to!”

This is your chance. You just need to get to your feet and run. Fuck the gun and the knife, you’ll find new ones. You’ve been without your supplies before. You can figure it out. You just have to get up.

An attempt to move into a sitting position proves futile, as your vision begins to swim and your head throbs. Your hands fumble weakly for purchase at your sides, but the ice is too slick to find a solid grasp.

“I think she’s gotta concussion,” the man, Joel, muses nonchalantly.

“I think she’s got a lot going on,” the boy replies, “should we put her on a horse? Seems like she wants to be left alone.”

“Ain’t the policy that we bring back injured travelers?” Joel asks.

 “Yeah, but normally they don’t…resist this much, right?”

Joel hums thoughtfully. “Normally they ain’t women all by themselves surrounded by two strange men.”

“I guess not.” 

“Let’s get her on a horse. Once she realizes she’s safe, maybe she’ll quit the murderin’ shit.”

“What if she comes to and tries to kill you again?” the boy worries.

At this, Joel chuckles again. “If she manages to kill me on the back of a horse with no weapon, then I goddamn deserve it, kid.”

“Is this how all patrols are?” 

“Nah. They usually ain’t this exciting.” Joel leans over you then, and you smell the lemon soap and a faint whiff of pine oil. “Hey there, you with us?”

“No,” you groan, though you’re not actually sure what you’re responding to.

“Listen, m’gonna have to pick you up and put you on a horse. Try not to gouge my eyes out. Think you can manage that?”

“No,” you repeat sourly.

“Excellent. You ever been on a horse before?”

“No.”

He exhales. “You say anything else?”

“No.”

“Alright then. When we get you up, just hold on to my waist, don’t let go or you’re gonna go flyin’ and that won’t be good for neither of us. You hear? No ain’t an option.”

You narrow your eyes which does nothing to help your already blurry vision. You feel your consciousness slowly starting to slip away on a delicate string, at a great danger of snapping and disappearing in the distance. 

“I think she bonked her head,” the boy says when you don’t reply.

“Good observation, son.” With that, Joel reaches for you. You tell your muscles to resist, to fight back, but they frustratingly don’t move.

He slides his arms underneath your prone form and lifts as if you weigh no more than a backpack. Surprisingly, his touch is gentle rather than rough as you’d expected. He moves slowly, gradually pulling your body into a sitting position. Your head spins and you let out an involuntary noise of pain.

“M’sorry honey,” he murmurs, “you got your bell rung, that’s for sure.”

“I don’t carry a bell,” you manage a weak reply.

He chuckles again, and you feel yourself being hoisted up. After a moment of adjusting, you’re lying in his arms bridal style, thick forearms underneath your body. He grips your thighs to keep you in place, shifting you upward to preserve the momentum as he gets back to his feet with a slight huff of effort. 

“Do you need help?” the boy asks, hovering.

“Nah, she don’t weigh more than one of them kitchen chairs in the mess hall. Just grab her stuff, m’sure she’ll be askin’ after it when she’s up and running.”

“Okay, okay got it. You want me to lead?”

“Yeah, go ahead. Thanks Jesse.”

“Sure thing.”

You’re moving then, you think. The world shifts around you, and your head lulls to the side, pressing into a coat. You shudder once, and find yourself transfixed on the even breathing of the man holding you.

“Cold?” he asks gruffly, and then sighs as if that’s a stupid question. “Jesse?”

“Yeah?” 

“Help me with this.” 

There’s movement, and your body is shuffled a bit, before someone drapes a thick weight over you, wrapping you up like a burrito in what appears to be a giant leather jacket. It smells of lemon and pine oil, the scent wafting off it with each movement. 

You’re confused, disoriented and overwhelmed. The weight of the jacket around you is enough to soothe the cold for now, even as you feel shuffling and adjusting and find your legs slung around the thick flank of a horse. 

“Hold on tight,” says Joel. 

What other choice do you have? 

———-

Somewhere between the gas station and here, you passed out. 

It shouldn’t surprise you, given the state you were in. It only makes sense your body would give up in some way. Obviously you wish it hadn’t been while you were pressed up against the large, broad back of a grouchy old Texan, but as you said you’ve never had the best luck. 

When you come to, you’re supine on a couch. It’s odd though, because from first glance, the thing isn’t musty and dusty like they usually are. It’s soft, squishy, and smells clean. There’s a blanket draped over you, some sort of fuzzy wool that keeps your limbs warm. It’s heavy too, the weight of it soothing. A crackling sound alerts your gaze to a mantle with a fireplace underneath, heat flickering off the orange licks of flames, well contained in the brick casing. Atop the mantle are framed photos, a girl with choppy hair and freckles on a horse, the man, Joel, at her side, smiling. 

It’s an odd expression on him, you think. Although handsome, it’s surprising to see the gruff man look so at ease, so happy. From your brief interaction in the gas station, you’d come to gather he’s a no-nonsense, quick-to-choke asshole.

Not unlike yourself, really.

And if there are photos of him and what looks to be his daughter, or a teenaged relative maybe, on this mantle, that means you’re in his house. That means you’re in grave danger.

Though...you are seemingly fine, wrapped in a blanket by the fireplace, clothing intact on your body. Beside you on an end table is a lamp, a glass of tepid water, and a few leaves of unfamiliar greens. 

You move to sit up, pressing your hands against your thighs in search of any of your weapons. Nothing. Your pack is gone too. 

As you adjust, you find that your mouth feels like it’s full of cotton, tongue swollen and dry. Your throat is aching, desperate for water. You run your fingers along the arm of the sofa, eyeing the glass of water longingly.

What if he’s done something to it? 

Before you can decide if it’s worth the risk, footsteps pad in behind you, and you whip around to see him entering the room. You stumble off the couch, legs wobbling, knees threatening to give out as you try to stand your ground.

“Easy,” Joel says in that slow drawl, “you’re alright, little miss. You’re safe.”

Your hands clench into fists. As if you’re stupid enough to believe him. 

“You know where you are?” he asks, like he thinks you won’t know. 

For a moment, you fumble. Where...are you? You know it’s snowing outside the windows of this little, quiet house. You know you came from Atlanta. You know you found yourself a little turned around in the backwoods of somewhere in Wyoming.

“Wyoming,” you say, forcing the word to come out assuredly, even as your voice cracks around it like a frail twig under a boot.

He nods once. “Good. You’re in Jackson. You hit your head and it seemed like you haven’t had a real meal in a while. We brought you back to get you feelin’ better. You passed out on the way.”

Blinking, you take stock of the room around you. You’re in Joel’s house, in Jackson. Can it really be true? Have you really found it? The place where life can be lived peacefully amidst the horrors outside the wall? 

“It’s real?” you find yourself asking. The crackling fireplace and framed photos seem evidence enough of a more content lifestyle than anywhere you’ve ever lived.

Again, he nods. “You’ve heard of it?”

“Just stories,” you admit, “didn’t believe them.”

“It’d be hard to,” he agrees gruffly. 

You allow yourself a moment to look him over. Here in his home, he’s shed his winter layers in favor of a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt with an unbuttoned flannel over the top. His hair is tousled from the wind, gray-lined dark curls framing his face. His shoulders, just as big as you remember noticing, fill out the fabric of his flannel so well it’s a little hard to look away. A quick scan of his body does little to reassure you of any chance you have to fight back if this goes sour. He’s large; his chest thick, thighs sturdy in his jeans, a faint outline of a comfortable belly underneath his shirt. You can see a cropping of dark hair just poking out of his shirt collar and the ends of his sleeves. He’s rugged in every sense of the word. Rugged, and huge. 

“I left you some water there,” he gestures vaguely to the end table, “some mint leaves to chew on, sometimes they help when I gotta headache. I dunno. Just in case. They didn’t have anywhere to put you yet, and the infirmary was pretty overrun so they-”

“What are you going to do to me?” you find yourself asking, hating the hollow note of fear in your words. 

Joel pauses, hands on his hips, eyebrows screwed together. “Do to you?”

In lieu of a reply, you just nod warily. 

It takes him a moment, you think, to register what you’re implying. When it hits him, his shoulders deflate, and his expression heaves into one of displeasure. He clenches and unclenches his fists before he speaks.

“You’re safe,” he says again, voice even and composed despite the clear discomfort on his face. “I ain’t gonna hurt you. Once they find somewhere else to put you, we’ll get you comfortable. But for now, if it’ll make you feel better.” He moves toward you, reaching for the waistband of his jeans.

Reflexively, you stumble backward, putting distance between the two of you. Your legs betray you, and you find yourself leaning against a table by the window with little wood carvings to stay upright. He halts instantly, expression neutral. 

“I was just gonna give you this.” He removes your gun from his waistband, presenting it matter-of-factly. “Loaded the mag for you. Don’t shoot me.”

With that, he sets it on the end table by the couch, halfway between the two of you, and steps back. 

“You got no reason to kill me,” he says, “I got no reason to hurt you. I wouldn’t. Ever. So take it. But I’d prefer not to have any extra holes by the time you leave.” 

You swallow noisily, eyes tracing the line toward the gun. It rests neatly beside the water and mint leaves, his gifts to you, comfort and safety all in one little package on the end table. 

Unsure of what to say, you slowly move toward the end table, picking up the gun. Hesitantly, you pull back the slide and see a round in the chamber. Then, you pop the mag out and see that he wasn’t lying. It’s fully loaded. 

You eye him warily as you tuck the gun into your own waistband, safety on. “Thanks?”

“Don’t shoot me,” he repeats sternly.

“Don’t give me a reason to,” you warn him.

At this, he scoffs. “Lady, if I wanted to kill you, I woulda done it with my arm around your neck.”

Your eyes narrow. “I never said you wanted to kill me.”

His nose wrinkles at that, eyes going dark. “You don’t have to worry about that. Listen, I’ll stay outta your hair. But they want me to get you healthy before you get set up on your own here. So-”

“Wait, before what?”

Another sigh, like he’s exasperated. “You’ll get assigned a house and eventually work duties and patrol schedules. They’ll go over all that with you. I’m just the middle man here.”

You’re shaking your head before he’s even done speaking. “Who fucking decided that for me?”

His eyebrow arches. “Ain’t that why you’re out here?”

Torn, you struggle to think of a reply. It actually is exactly why you’re out here, but you’re confused and suspicious at the easy welcome and acceptance of another mouth to feed, another burden on the resources. You don’t even know if he’s telling the truth. Maybe you’re not even in Jackson. Maybe this is some fucked up murder cabin and he’s playing you like a fiddle.

“How do I know you’re not lying?” You demand, fingers itching to reach for the gun now that it’s safely holstered away. 

Joel gestures to the front door. “Be my fuckin’ guest.”

Reluctantly taking your eyes off of him, you push off the table and move for the front entryway. You brush by him briskly, annoyed when he doesn’t move out of the way. Your shoulder nudges into his arm, and you’re struck by how thick and immovable he feels beside your feeble frame. 

You hate it. It would be so effortless to overpower you.

You dislike having him in your rearview, but you move toward the line of windows that overlook the front lawn. 

Your eyes take in a sight you could’ve only ever imagined. Snow-lined streets, little shops and markets with pleasant looking customers milling about. People with horses, waving to each other. Children running in the street and laughing loudly while gentle adults corral them back onto shoveled sidewalks. No FEDRA guards shouting about work duty or drills, no bomb warning sirens, no distant roar of infected outside the gates.

No weapons, no shouting or robbery, no children sobbing in the snow from hunger. Everything that had ever felt unattainable, apparently just outside your window. 

In utter disbelief, you slowly turn back to Joel, who’s watching you with mild interest. 

“Wow,” is all you can manage. 

“Yeah, you found the promised land and all that.” He shrugs. “Now they said they oughta have somewhere for you to stay on your own by end of week, provided you’re physically up for it. You’d better start with some water, kid.”

You glance at the glass on the end table, ruminating on the possibility of it being laced with something. 

“For Christ's sake.” Joel marches toward the glass, takes a few huge gulps, and then holds it out to you. “Where the fuck would I even get somethin’ like that?”

He has to know that these days finding drugs to crush up and ingest is infinitely easier than finding food. Or maybe he doesn’t. Maybe living here has made a soft, ignorant man of him. Maybe he always has been. 

You’re suddenly so angry. All of the years you’ve suffered, your family dying, FEDRA raids and Firefly bombings and attacks from hordes of infected. 

And here he is. Sitting by the fire, framed photographs smiling back at him, mint leaves between his teeth for a mild ailment. 

It’s so unfair. 

“You guys are pretty selfish, you know.” You ignore his outstretched hand with the water. “Keeping all this a secret. Keeping it for yourselves while the rest of us struggle.”

Joel rolls his eyes, and the flippant gesture is enough to make your teeth grind together. “Ah. We’re doin’ this? You wanna leave, go. Ain’t nobody holding you hostage.”

What are you doing? Your brain is screaming at you desperately. This is what you wanted. This is why you came. You’ve found it. 

You hadn’t realized what it would mean, actually seeing this oasis. Actually feeling the warmth of a fireplace and the soft fabric of a clean couch. Having mint leaves and bullets a plenty. How could you have ever expected the gaping hole it would punch through your chest, seeing what you could’ve had all these years, laid out in front of you like a decadent buffet. What your family could’ve had. 

What this man, Joel, is trying to offer you. 

“It isn’t fair,” you manage weakly, talking to no one in particular, eyes searching around the organized decor. “It isn’t fair.”

“I know,” is all you get in reply. 

You move away from the window, not exactly sure where you plan to go, but overwhelmed. Finally, your weak knees do give out, and you pitch forward.

Your arms shoot out to catch yourself, but as it turns out, you don’t need them to. Strong hands grip you under the armpits, pulling upward until your legs straighten out. You stumble into a big, warm chest, and Joel grumbles something you don’t catch under his breath. 

“Easy,” he murmurs, “gonna get you back to the couch.”

You’re too overcome to argue, though it is your first instinct. You allow him to lead your trembling body toward the sofa, jellylike legs carrying you only as his strength pulls them along. 

He slots you between two couch cushions, and you sink down in the fabric. Then, he picks up the water he’d set down in his hurry to catch you, and holds it out. 

“This would be a start,” he says earnestly. 

In shaky hands, you bring the glass to your lips, sipping delicately. The water is room temperature, somewhat warmed by the heat of the fire. It goes down your throat, soothing the ache there with much needed droplets of hydration. You finish the glass in record time, and before you can blink, Joel’s taken it from you. Your arm reaches forward pathetically, a plea to keep the glass as if you could suck the remaining moisture out from the bottom. 

“Hold on,” he says, but there’s no note of impatience or annoyance in the words. He leaves the room and returns a moment later with a glass full to the brim. 

Eagerly, you take it from his hands, too lost in the euphoria of fresh, clean water to consider the possibility of the first one being a trick. He’s got you comfortable. Now, he can do whatever he wants. 

You hadn’t realized how thirsty you were until the pain was soothed. 

It’s a funny thing, longing. You get so used to it that you start to grow numb. You yearn for something long enough, eventually you don’t feel like yourself without it. Hunger, thirst, pining, it’s all a part of who you are. Fulfilled, sated, you wouldn’t know who to be or how to move forward. 

Still, you finish the glass as quickly as the first. 

“Better?” Joel asks, his voice lacking warmth but not particularly unpleasant. 

You nod hesitantly. 

“How’s your head?”

You touch your fingers to the back of your head, roving the pads across your tangled hair. You feel no bump, no cuts, nothing more than a rats nest of unbrushed locks. 

“Fine,” you say, though it does hurt. You’re sure it’s nothing serious, but you definitely gave it a good bump. 

“You feel like eatin’?” He asks, and the prospect of food is enough to make your chapped lips feel wet with salivation. 

“You have food,” you tell him, more of a statement than a question. 

Quizzically, he nods. “Uh, yeah.”

“Real food?”

“I got some venison in the freezer,” he says, “and some broccoli.”

“In a can?”

His expression softens marginally. “No.”

Fuck. Real fresh vegetables? 

“Tell you what.” Joel cracks his knuckles loudly. “You go on up and take a shower, get yourself sorted. I’ll get started on some grub. ‘Bout dinner time anyway. Then maybe we can get you healthy enough to get outta my hair. How’s that sound?”

“Okay,” is all you can think to say, surprisingly amicable. In your defense, it’s been a while since someone offered you a hot meal and a shower. And you do have your gun...just in case.

Joel holds a hand out, and despite every instinct in your body begging you not to take it, you slip your palm into his. His hand is warm, calloused from exposure and rough on the pads of his palm, but there’s something familiar about his hold. It’s oddly comforting. It feels like a hand that knows hard work, not unlike your own, which you’re sure are twice as rough right now.

He offers you a small, barely perceptible smile before he releases your hand and says, “second door on the right.”

Then, he heads into the kitchen. 

If you wanted to, you could quietly sneak in behind him, gun drawn, and put a bullet in his head. Right now, it would be so easy. He’s foolishly left you to your own devices in his home with a loaded gun. Who could blame you for second-guessing his motives and intentions? 

But he’s also offering you a meal, a hot shower, the prospect of a life. And you’d come a very long way to find him. To find this, you mean. 

You lean down and grab a mint leaf, sticking it between your teeth to chew as you ascend the stairs with a careful hand on the railing. It’s surprisingly tasty, the leaf, though it has a bite of burn that stings your tongue in an unfamiliar way. You press it between your teeth and tongue, feeling the sharp sting of the mint and breathing in the relief. You aren’t sure why, maybe it’s all in your head, but it feels like it is soothing your pain. 

Your fingers trail along the wooden banister. It’s clean, well dusted, organized. There’s traces of life here, in the haphazard way his boots are strewn by the door, in the crumple of towels on the floor in the corner of the laundry room you pass by, in the photographs on walls and more tables. That girl with the freckles and choppy hair is all over his life, alongside a man with a beard and scrappy bun. A brother maybe? You can’t tell, but what’s clear in the multitude of photos is that Joel likes to keep his loved ones close. He likes tangible memories, reminders of those he cares for. 

You find yourself in a large bathroom standing in front of a shower with a pastel yellow curtain. You grip the material in your fingers, pulling back on the curtain, enamored with the way it glides back and forth on the rod. The closest thing you had to this in the QZ was water boiled and poured into a tub for bathing. On the road, it was a nice cold creek when you could find it.

Curiously, you slide your fingers down the wall until they bump into a strange knob, delicate rounded designs poking out of the glossy finish. To the right, a little blue circle, to the left a little red one. You deduce they indicate the temperature of the water, and twist the knob until it’s halfway in between. 

The water shoots forward out of a head at the top of the wall, spraying you in the face. You splutter, pulling back and coughing water out of your nose and throat. It’s a powerful stream, the droplets hitting your face with a velocity you hadn’t expected. You know the currents of lakes, oceans and creeks can be unpredictable. Waves are something otherworldly, a force to be reckoned with, never tempted. 

You had no idea something so small could be so powerful.

You check once more that the door is locked, then you peel off your tattered jacket and undershirt. Your bra is barely held together by a stitch you keep doing and undoing in the back. The clasp broke a year ago. You slide your old jeans down your legs, face blooming red when you remember that your underwear was hooked onto the back of your bag to dry after a wash.

Where is it? Did they leave it in the gas station? It was your only pair. 

Somehow worse...does Joel...have it?

Hesitantly, you step over the ledge of the tub into the stream of water, surprised at the feeling of the droplets crashing into your skin. It hurts a little, the pressure at which the water shoots out at you. 

For a moment, you languish under the stream of water, feeling dirt and muck slide off your skin. It feels like you’ve been encased in a layer of grime for so long, you’ve almost forgotten what clean feels like. Though, you’ve never been clean like this.

You see a little sponge in a rack on the wall, and grab for it. There’s a bar of soap beside it, and you take that too, sudsing up the sponge as much as possible. It smells like lemon, the same faint aroma you’d noticed on Joel.

Then, it strikes you that this must be the sponge he washes his own body with.

You hesitate. Surely this violates some sort of acceptable hygiene norm. But also, your hand’s not gonna do the job. And you’d only be dirtying up his soap if you used that on its own.

In a confused moment of transfixion, you squeeze the sponge between your fingers, running the pad of your thumb over its gristly base. It wafts lemon, that enticing smell that Joel carries with him from a good wash in the morning. 

You know it’s odd, and certainly not the time to be having these thoughts, but it’s a little distracting that this is his sponge. The same one he rubs all over himself when he’s naked, when the water is drizzling down his thick body, his sturdy chest and his soft stomach and the unmovable width of his thighs. You imagine he must like the way it feels after a long day, hot water sizzling on his skin, the sharp edge of a sponge cutting through dirt on his body, the smell of lemon in his nose and lingering on him.

You douse the sponge in lemon soup, and carefully slide it down your arm. The feeling makes you shudder; the rough texture of the sponge grating down your filthy skin. The sponge that Joel rubs on himself. The sponge that’s nestled itself between the bulging muscles of his chest, down the lines of his abdomen, all over his large arms. Down further...between his legs, maybe. 

It’s been so long since you thought about a man this way; since you thought about anyone this way. On the road, there was no time for luxuries like sexual fantasy. 

But now, safe and comfortable beneath a thick and steady steam of hot water, you allow your mind to wander a bit.

How thorough must Joel be, when he washes himself with this rough little sponge? To smell as good as he does even in the midst of a fight, even with adrenaline pumping, testosterone brewing, sweat surely slickening his underarms and legs. Still, he wafts pleasant aromas, the kind that make you lean into him, rather than pull away.

He must touch himself often, in depth. He must scrub the soap in between places on his large body that only he can see, only he can touch. Dripping little droplets of sweet-scented soap on to parts of him that would be so difficult to get to, unless he were naked in front of you. 

Your fist clenches tightly around the sponge, expelling a myriad of soapy bubbles that drip down your legs into the drain. You blink, shaking your head, trying to come back down from those inappropriate thoughts.

Jesus. It’s really been too long. You’re gonna have to figure out something to do about that before you find yourself biting into this lemon-scented sponge.

Get a grip, you tell yourself. You have one hot shower and all of a sudden you’re ready and willing for the first person who will have you?

You’re sure it won’t be Joel, gruff and solitary as he seems, but maybe someone in this little safe haven is interested in relieving this ache.

Though, you’re no stranger to longing. It’s not as if you can’t take care of yourself.

Right now, you focus on washing. You scrub every inch of your body, including between your toes and in your belly button. You fight the layers of grime and grit until your skin is rubbed raw and red. Then, you take the syrupy bottle of liquid that’s labeled in marker “shampoo” and drench the crown of your head with it.

Scrubbing your hair takes more energy than you can expend. By the time the bubbles are rinsing down your back, your vision is swimming and you’re seeing black spots at the corner of your eyes. Your legs wobble, and you press a hand flat against the wall to steady yourself.

How long have you been in here?

Instead of tipping over and falling out onto the bathroom floor like an idiot, you slowly lower yourself to the shower floor. The tile is hot underneath your legs, and you realize you’ve turned the water all the way to the little red circle. 

It burns, droplets of acid shooting into your skin like knives. It’s so hot, hotter water than you’ve ever felt cascading over your body. It burns nicely, melting away the road like you’re shedding skin to grow anew. The steam fills your nostrils, and you take a big breath, your lungs still rattly and weak from the cold outside, but soothed slightly by the thick warmth in here.

You lose track of everything on the shower floor. The water is so hot, the smell is so sweet, the confines of the tub feel safe and secluded. The door has a lock, the shower has a curtain, each sliver of a barrier between you and everyone else feels like more security than you’ve had in months. Or maybe ever.

Your knees press against the sides of the tub, knobby and thin, too sickly for anyone to desire. You don’t like the body you’re in, don’t like that you were mistaken for an infected today, don’t like that you’re more survival than person at this point. 

And you can’t help but wonder, Jackson, Joel, this life here, would it be enough to change that? He says he can get you healthy, you can get your own place, a home. If you do as he says, follow his lead, can he really make that happen?

A place where you could lock the doors whenever you want. A place where you didn’t have to keep a loaded gun on you to feel safe. A place where you could drink the water without worrying it’s been spiked or it’s unsuitable. A life, a home, something meaningful.

All you have to do is get off the floor and go downstairs to it. 

With a huff of effort, you shove your body forward, bracing yourself on the side of the tub for momentum. You clumsily yank on the knob and crank it until the water stops flowing. There's a fresh towel on a rack by the shower, and you reach for it feebly.

You avoid your reflection in the mirror as much as possible; your skin is a mapping of cuts, bruises, scars. A lifetime of suffering delicately traced into lines on your body. There’s no hiding what you’ve been through, it plays out across your limbs like the scenes of a movie. Each moment of misery, each near-death experience, each trauma, a little piece of it left within you and etched into your physicality for everyone to see. 

Some people are born whole and become broken. Some are born whole and never lose enough pieces to say they aren’t complete anymore. 

You were born with missing parts, already deficient in a world that ensured it would hack every last bit of you away. You don’t know how you stand, how you breathe, how you live, without lungs to fill your throat with air or a heart to pump your blood. Your chest is a cavern, all your missing pieces scattered across the trails you’ve walked, and mirrored in your scarred flesh.

Reminders. Everything is fleeting, everything is futile, and contentment is an undeserved fantasy. 

Body wrapped in a towel, the cold air dimpling your flesh with goosebumps, you reach for your tattered clothes. They’re filthy, murky and bloodstained. You suspect Joel is going to need to thoroughly disinfect the couch you were lying on. 

You don’t want to put them on. You don’t want to slide your clean, scrubbed raw skin into the folds of clothing littered with horror. 

All you have is the cleanliness of your skin, and the mint leaf ground up between your teeth. Your first taste of comfort in...well, forever.

Reluctantly, you scoop up the pile of clothes and peer out into the hallway. You’re struck with a delightful smell; not the lemon soap, but something more tantalizing. Cooking meat, vegetables, the sizzle of smoke on a stovetop. You lean forward almost in a trance, your stomach growling ravenously, as you begin to descend the stairs. 

Your footsteps are featherlight on the stairs, toes carefully pressing forward down the cold hardwood. It squeaks underneath the pad of your foot, but you ignore it, moving languidly toward the enticing smell. 

He’s there, Joel, standing at the stove with his large back to you. He’s shrugged out of the flannel, leaving him clad in only his black t-shirt. The thin confines of the material give you more insight into the shape of him, the large, hulking physique of the man cooking vegetables. 

He doesn’t seem to notice your entrance, either too enthralled in his task, or you’ve been in the shower so long he’s forgotten you’re here. 

Carefully, you edge your way in a wide circle until you think you’re in his peripherals. He glances sideways, eyebrows shooting up as he observes you standing in his kitchen, only a towel around your body. 

“Do you have my underwear?” You ask, before something less humiliating can come to mind. 

Joel falters, something between embarrassment and amusement dancing across his expression before it smooths out. “Uh, yeah. I threw ‘em in the wash with some other stuff. Hope that’s okay.”

“Oh. Yeah it’s okay. Thanks.”

“I can take those too?” He jerks his chin toward the bundle of tattered clothes in your arms. 

“I have nothing else to wear,” you admit. 

At that, the corner of his lips twitch sideways. “I got somethin’ for ya’.”

He sets the pan down on the stove and gestures for you to follow him. You trail behind as he makes his way down the hall toward the laundry room you’d passed by earlier. He pauses in the doorway, looking around thoughtfully, before he spots a big tub in the back corner and reaches for it. It’s labeled with the same marker his shampoo was.

Ellie Winter Clothes

Joel brings the tub out into the living room and cracks open the lid, waving a hand for you to come in and examine the options.

You peer into the tub, surprised to find several neat stacks of folded up clothing. Jackets, pants, long-sleeved shirts and flannels. You look at Joel curiously.

“My kid,” he explains, “she just left last week to go on this tour of the west coast with her girlfriend. They just turned eighteen, all about gettin’ that freedom.”

You stare at him blankly. “You let your eighteen year old daughter leave on her own?”

Joel smiles wryly. “You ain't met Ellie. Anyway, she’ll be back at the end of next month. Just don’t lose nothin’ and I figure she won’t mind.”

You pick up one of the shirts. It’s soft fleece, navy blue, thick and warm to the touch. You purse your lips, doubtful it’ll fit you if it’s something a teenage girl’s wearing.

“I think it’ll fit just fine,” Joel tells you carefully, “‘least until we get some food in ya’.”

Warily, you slide the navy fleece over your head, keeping the towel upright with one hand and rolling the shirt down over the front of it. With dismay, you find the shirt fits nicely. It’s barely even snug.

And it’s so unfair that you almost cry in his living room. Because a girl ten years your junior shouldn’t be wearing the same size clothes as you. You bite the inside of your cheek to keep the emotions from swelling to the surface, blinking rapidly. 

Joel clears his throat. “Hey, why don’t you throw them clothes on, and meet me in the kitchen? Grub’s almost up.”

You’re quick to nod, scooping up a pair of leggings and socks before you shuffle across the floor into the downstairs bathroom beside the kitchen. You allow yourself a moment to let the tears race down your cheeks as you dress in the teenage girl’s clothes, sniffling while wiping at your red eyes. You hadn’t realized, alone on the road all those months, how much you’ve shrunk in on yourself. You’ve never been as big as you should be, stunted by lack of food. But at least in the QZ you had ration blocks. It’s been a lean few months of scavenging. 

You feel like something inhuman, something wrong, something unworthy. You don’t belong in this well-decorated, well-loved home. In this safe little town. 

Finally, you wipe the last of the liquid from your eyes and exit the bathroom, heading into the kitchen. Your footsteps are careful, cautious, each one placed with delicate intention.

Joel’s just finishing up as he sets a plate down on his circular kitchen table. There are two settings, each with glistening silver utensils and a mason jar full of liquid beside them. 

Joel spots you entering, and smiles hesitantly. He pulls out one of the chairs, which you assume is your cue to sit. You place your bottom in the chair, surprised when he pushes it in for you. He sits in the other chair and begins to eat unceremoniously.

Taking in the sights on your plate, you find a well cooked slab of meat, seared delightfully. The broccoli is steamed to a crisp, but not burnt, and there’s a slice of fluffy bread sliced beside it. You even see Joel dip a knife into a slab of light yellow paste and spread it over his slice.

“Is that...” your voice trails off in disbelief.

“That’s right,” he replies, “want some?”

You nod eagerly and hold out your bread. He smooths some butter over the top. He takes a sip from the mason jar beside his plate, and you can’t tell exactly what’s in it but, from the smell you think it’s alcohol.

You glance down at your own jar curiously, picking it up with a delicate hand. It’s a faded orange-ish brown color, but smells sweet when you bring it to your nose to inhale. No traces of booze, you don’t think. You’ve never been much of a drinker.

Tentatively, you bring the liquid to your mouth for a sip, eyelashes fluttering with surprise. It’s sweet to the taste, tangy and thin as it drenches over your tongue. The flavor is familiar, though you’re certain you’ve never had this drink. It’s tart and sweet all at once. 

“You ever had apple juice before?” Joel asks, watching you make love to the mason jar as you eagerly sip more.

Frowning, you shake your head. “Maybe when I was a kid, before the outbreak. I don’t remember it though.”

“You like it?”

Nodding, you tip the glass back and finish it off, exhaling with pleasure. Then, you get to work on the meal.

It’s been so long since you used silverware you’ve almost forgotten how to properly position the fork and knife to cut into the meat. It’s tender though, and easy to slice into. You spear a piece with your fork and take it between your lips, eyes going wide at the burst of flavor breaking in under your teeth. 

It’s like nothing you’ve ever had before. Juicy, tender, flavorful. It fills your mouth, satiates the hunger radiating through your teeth, goes down your throat in a smooth gulp. It settles in your empty stomach, a small portion of relief restored within you. 

It’s as if a switch has flipped. Once you get a bite of the meat, you think you need to have more or you might die. It’ll be impossible to stop. 

You start cutting into the meat like your life depends on it, ravenously shoving pieces into your mouth in a manner you’re sure Joel finds unladylike. You supplement it with bites of well-seasoned broccoli and soft, buttery bread.

Joel refills your apple juice and you wash down bites with it, practically moaning at the taste. When your bread disappears another is set on your plate, buttered and soft, ready to go. 

You barely look up to breathe before the plate is clean, the glass is drained for the second time, and Joel is still working on his first helping of it all. 

He smiles at you when you meet his eyes, suddenly feeling something like shame wash over you. You don’t remember much of what your parents taught you about manners, but you’re pretty sure coming into a stranger's house and eating their food like a feral dog doesn’t fall under the umbrella of polite dining.

“Um...m’sorry,” is all you can think to say.

Joel arches an eyebrow, taking a hefty bite of his own and chewing thoroughly before he asks, “sorry for what?”

“It was really good,” you reply hesitantly. 

At that, his smile grows, and he looks down at the plate to smooth his expression over. He nods once. “Good. M’glad. Glad you liked it. How’re you feelin’?”

“Like I want more,” you admit, though your voice is sheepish, “is that bad?”

He clears his throat, readjusting in his seat, and your face falls. Oh dear god. You’re humiliated. Clearly he’s uncomfortable with your gluttony and your request, you’ve made this weirder than it already was. Further proof of your fears; you aren’t made for a place like this. You’re wrong, broken, not-

“I’m real glad to hear that, darlin’,” Joel says, “maybe give it a few minutes. I bet you ain’t eaten that much in a while.”

Your face feels warm at the casual use of darlin’, but you ignore that and ask, “wait for what?”

“For it all to settle, make sure you still feel okay.” He shrugs, taking another bite of the meat on his plate, which you’re now noticing is much larger than the one you’d had. “Goin’ from as hungry as you look, to eatin’ like we do here...s’gonna take some time.”

It’s an interesting concept, the idea that there could be too much to eat, when all you’ve ever known is the opposite. You struggle to see how that could be a problem, but it’s his house, and his food, and you don’t want to make a scene.

“Okay,” you agree quietly.

Joel chews on his bottom lip thoughtfully, eyeing you as you wrap your arms around yourself, feeling as though your mere presence alone takes up too much valuable oxygen.

“Here.” He hands you another slice of buttered bread, holding it out in his large hand like a peace offering. “Can’t let you sit at my table hungry, darlin’. Just, take it easy, or you ain’t gonna feel too hot.”

Tamping down the glee that springs into your chest at the opportunity for more food, you accept the bread from his outstretched hand with a quiet thanks. You eat quickly, greedily, closing your eyes and letting out a small moan of  delight at the taste. 

Something funny happens as you eat that bread, a change in the way your stomach feels, a change in the way your body feels. A warmth, pooling in your belly, swelling through you up into your chest, softening your throat and relaxing your shoulders.

You’re full. For the first time in you don’t even know how long, the emptiness doesn’t persist. 

“Wow, that’s a sight,” Joel says, and you look over at his face to find a surprising expression of amusement there.

“What?” you demand, voice going sour.

He shakes his head, rueful. “You, smilin’ like that. Didn’t take you for the type.”

A scowl immediately overtakes your features, and your jaw clenches. “I’d have plenty to smile about if-”

His low, dry chuckle cuts off your train of thought. Your eyes narrow, and he shakes his head again, looking a little too amused by all of this for your taste.

“Will you settle down?” Joel teases lightly. “It’s just nice, is all. Glad to see you lookin’ happy about somethin’. We’ve made a lotta progress from you holding a knife to my throat earlier.”

You regard him with cautious eyes. “And you trying to choke me to death.”

“Ah. Yeah.” Sheepishly, he rubs the back of his neck. “M’sorry about that. I didn’t realize you weren’t...”

“A disgusting mushroom monster?” you fill in, lips twitching.

“I wasn’t gonna say that.” He frowns. 

“It’s fine. I know I look like shit. It’s been a rough couple of months.”

“I wasn’t gonna say that neither,” Joel replies dryly. “What I do wanna ask is…well, how’d you end up out there on your own? Ain’t you gotta family? Young woman like you-“

“I’m not young,” you bite back immediately. And it’s true. In this world, at your age, you’re considered lucky to still be here

“Alright,” he concedes, “woman like yourself, alone. How’d that happen?” 

“Everybody’s got dead people,” you reply, running your finger along the thin glass around the empty mason jar. It’s cool against your skin, sticky with juice remnants. It gives you something to focus on besides Joel’s scrutinizing expression. 

You don’t want to do this; pry open this bleeding wound in your empty chest and claw at the flesh until the pain subsumes you. Your family is dead, you’ve never had anything close to a  friend, you’ve never been safe enough to slow down in the way you’d need to fall in love. What is the point of rehashing this? What is the point of saying aloud all the scars he can see written plainly on your body?

“Where is your daughter’s mom?” you ask, hoping desperately to shift the subject off of yourself.

Joel clears his throat, sitting up a bit in his chair. “She’s dead. I actually adopted Ellie.”

“Oh, you aren’t her biological father?”

“No. I uh...I was though. My older daughter. Sarah.”

You look at him, the plains of his face, the aged lines around his deep eyes, the flecks of gray in his beard. His use of the word “was” needs no further elaboration. It’s clear, probably should’ve been since even before he showed you Ellie’s winter clothes, this man is someone’s father. 

You suddenly realize you’ve left your loaded handgun in the bathroom upstairs, abandoned with your discarded clothing. You suddenly realize, that’s alright. 

“I’m sorry,” is all you can muster in reply to such a harrowing admission. 

Joel nods once, a brief acknowledgement of your condolence. “Thanks. Was a long time ago. M’alright, these days. Life’s good.”

“Everybody’s got dead people,” you offer up again, a limp shrug to your shoulders. 

Arching an eyebrow, Joel replies, “that’s true. Your parents, then?”

“Mhm. Yours?”

He chuckles. “Long before the outbreak, honey.”

“How old are you, anyway?”

“Old. Yourself?”

“Not old. Not young, either.”

Nodding, Joel’s eyes dart up to meet yours. It’s quiet then, the sort of quiet that lingers between two people when they aren’t sure what the next move is. When they aren’t sure where to go from here, what the future holds, what they are to each other.

“How are you feelin’?” He breaks the silence, of course, with a concerned glance at your empty plate.

You hesitate. How are you feeling? It’s been so long since someone asked you that question. 

Yesterday, the answer would’ve been something as simple as an eye roll and a gesture to your ruined body. How are you feeling? Fucking bad. Is there any other way to feel in a world like this one?

Good feels like a stretch. Your head hurts from where you banged it on the floor, your stomach is so full now it’s starting to feel uncomfortable, your body aches and groans with each movement, and your mind is a torrent of uncertainty and confusion. 

But...you’ve certainly felt worse, haven't you? 

There’s food in you, and something delightful called apple juice. There’s a fire in the living room. There’s utensils, and plates, and warm clothes, and a shower with-

You suddenly remember something you forgot to tell Joel. 

“I used your sponge,” you say abruptly.

Joel blinks. Once, twice, then his brow furrows. “Pardon me?”

“Y-your sponge,” you splutter like an idiot as you realize this was not an appropriate time to bring up the sponge. “In the shower. I’m sorry I didn’t…it was the only one, so- ” 

“Oh.” Understanding passes over his face, and he looks taken aback for only a split second before he speaks again. “Oh, no. S’alright. I didn’t think about that before I sent you up there. Sorry. You’re good.”

“I rinsed it clean,” you tell him. 

He laughs a little breathlessly, and you think you see the tips of his ears hueing a bit red. Clearing his throat, he swipes his used silverware onto his empty plate and stands. The chair squeals across the floor with his sudden movement. 

“I ain’t worried about it,” he says, and moves to deposit his dishes in the sink.

Urgently, you scramble to your feet, collecting your own plate and following him. It’s your immediate instinct to take over and begin scrubbing the dishes; so long living on your own that every responsibility fell to you. 

You’re stopped by his gentle arm brushing yours, and he shakes his head. “I got the dishwasher workin’ last month. No need.”

“Dishwasher?” you ask, confused.

Joel gestures to a large white door embedded into the cabinets. He reaches down, smooths his large fingers over the material, and pulls. The door draws down, opening to reveal peculiar little rows of racks and baskets. 

“Whoa,” you breathe, kneeling down beside it with fascination, “that’s what these things do?”

“You were young when the outbreak hit,” Joel notes, not a question, but more of an observatory reminder. “I’ll bet there’s a lotta shit we used to have that you don’t remember.”

“We had one of these in the QZ,” you say, still transfixed by the inner workings of this dish washer, “but I didn’t know it opened. I thought it was just a weird design thing.”

At this, he bursts out laughing. It’s a bit more vivacious than the dry chuckle he’s been giving you all day, a genuine, pealing laugh that comes from deep within his belly. It’s nice, rumbling in your ears and soothing to your tense shoulders. The timbre of his pleased noises does something odd to you, something calming.

“It takes running water to use,” he explains once his laughter has died down, “that’s why yours never worked. If your QZ was like ours, that is.”

“You were in a QZ?” you look up at him, struck with how massive he seems standing above your kneeling frame.

“Boston.” 

“Atlanta.”

“Heard that one ain’t a cakewalk.”

You shake your head. “No, we didn’t have cake.”

His lips twitch. “You don’t know what-”

“I’m fucking with you.” Rolling your eyes, you get to your feet and cross your arms. “I’ve heard of expressions before.”

“Just not dishwashers.”

Annoyed, your hand flies to your waistband, an instinct. You remember your gun is upstairs. 

Joel follows the movement of your arm with a disbelieving noise of contempt. “You’re a violent little thing, ain’t you?”

“I didn’t-“

“Where’s the gun you were just reaching for?” 

“I left it upstairs,” you admit. 

Joel nods approvingly. “I’ll call that progress. Let me load the dishwasher here and I’ll take you up to your room.”

“My room?” 

Your room, indeed.

After the dishes have been loaded into this bizarre machine, Joel walks you up the stairs, past the bathroom you used, into a spare bedroom. It’s nice and clean the way the rest of the place is, neat lines and vacuumed rugs. There’s a dresser, and a bed with four posts, a colorful quilt, photos of horses on the walls. It smells like pine. 

You haven’t slept in a bed in a very long time.

You tell him as much, stroking the quilt beneath your palm as you approach the bed. It’s sort of itchy, the kind of fabric that has grit to it, but thick enough to keep you warm. 

Joel watches you as you investigate the room, perched in the doorway with his ankles crossed and his arms pressed into the frame. “So you made it all the way from Atlanta, to here, on your own?”

“Mhm.” You vault yourself up experimentally on the bed, feeling the mattress dip beneath your slight weight. It’s aged, squeaky springs and lumpy spots here and there. The quilt scratches your raw skin and you pull back slightly.

But it’s a bed.

“Must’a been hard,” Joel notes.

You nod in agreement. It was hard. Now it’s over. No use rehashing it.

“Well, m’sure you’re exhausted.” He clears his throat and backs off the doorframe, nodding in your direction. “I’ll be just down the hall if you need...if there’s anythin’ at all...just, I’m here, alright?”

“Thanks.” You offer him a small, unsure smile. 

He returns it with ease. “That’s two.”

“Huh?”

Holding up two fingers, he moves from the doorway. “Two smiles. Bet I can get three outta you tomorrow.”

With a scoff, you walk up behind him and place your hand on the door. “Good thing there’s no money for you to lose.”

He grins at this, crooked jaw and curled lip all wicked and teasing. There’s something mischievous about this expression, something so out of character for this stern, fatherly presence that it almost takes your breath away. You can picture him, twenty years younger, a rough-and-tumble young man with a teasing sense of humor and a sharp wit. It’s no surprise at all that someone loved him enough to give him a child, someone loved him enough to make him a father. 

Joel is confusing, but he’s also quite simple. 

He’s a man who cares, fiercely, for those he loves. He cooks, he cleans, he folds his daughter’s clothes up in a neat little bin in the laundry room. He scrubs with lemon soap and stokes a soothing fire in the mantle. He chews mint leaves when his head hurts, he washes dirty undergarments without being asked. 

He also laughs, teases, chokes and leaves you to your own devices if you get on his nerves. Though, his patience seems admirable. He loaded your gun, handed it to you with a live round, even after you’d held a knife to his throat. He’d cooked you dinner, caught you when you fell, walked you to the bedroom so you could get proper rest. 

You guess, if you were gonna end up getting choked out by some strange man, you’re glad it was Joel. Joel...huh.

“Hey,” you stop him before he can make for the staircase.

“What?” he asks.

“What’s your last name?”

Joel regards you curiously. “Miller. Joel Miller. What’s yours?”

You tell him your name, and he nods. It takes a quick beat of silence for you to continue, “it’s nice to meet you, Joel Miller.”

He smiles again, softer this time, more genuine. “Likewise, darlin’. Get some sleep.”

With that, he turns his back on you and descends the staircase.

______________________________________________________________________

The days go like this.

You wake up in a bed, scratchy quilt wrapped around your sore, aching body. You hadn’t realized how badly you hurt until you stopped pushing forward. 

You climb out of the bed, and pad downstairs in the cold morning brisk of Joel’s house. He’s always up before you. He has a fire going in the mornings, heat wafting off the flicker of orange beneath the mantle, and you curl up beside it with the quilt dragging behind you. He’s out of coffee beans for now, but he makes the both of you a mug of hot tea with roots infused into it, and it’s close enough.

You hold the steaming mug to your chest, itchy quilt pulled up around your body like a coat of armor, and watch the fire. Joel asks why you sit on the floor when there’s a perfectly good couch right behind you.

You tell him you want to be warm. You’ve been cold for so long. He seems to understand. 

You help him make breakfast, mystified by the seemingly endless supply of fresh produce he has available. He likes breakfast, says it’s his favorite of the day. 

You watch as he cracks fresh eggs into a buttered pan; hear the sizzle of heat against runny yolk and whites, watch as the pools of liquid become firm and strong under the duress. Something soft and pliant, made durable through the forges of fire. 

It’s so silly, but you relate to those tough little eggs. 

You eat at his kitchen table some days, sometimes on the porch in the cold morning, waving to Jackson residents as they begin their work shifts. It seems like fair trades, a barter system built on community where everyone is taken care of in some way or another. It’s bizarre, unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. Joel’s brother lives here too, with his wife Maria who runs the council. It’s all very quaint, picturesque. 

Joel says it works. He explains patrols, explains the work shift rotation, explains the mess hall and the greenhouses and the bountiful supply of food from gardening and hunting. He likes it here, you can tell, and why wouldn’t he? 

He tells you about his life before, little bits at a time delivered while passing you a plate or tucking the corner of your sheet back down on your mattress. The damn thing insists on whipping up everytime he sits on the end of it to talk with you. He tells you about Ellie, how they came together, how she healed his broken parts.

You’re envious. Not of their relationship, but of the fact that his missing pieces somehow came back when you know your own are doomed to be lost forever. You don’t tell him about your past.

You eat. You eat like you’ve never eaten before. Eggs and bacon in the morning, fresh fruit and squeezed juices. Sandwiches for lunch; chicken and lettuce and tomato between thick slabs of bread that Joel makes in his oven. Cold, tart lemonade that tingles on your tongue and smooths down your throat. Hearty, tender meat with potatoes and veggies and soft baked bread.

 Joel watches you eat with this look on his face that you can’t quite decipher. It’s an interesting mix between what you think is some sort of pride, tangled up with another confusing emotion that makes him watch you carefully. He eyes the fork as it slides between your lips, watches you sigh in pleasure, adjusts in his seat when you ask for seconds. You aren’t sure if it’s discomfort with you eating all his food or...something more confusing. Though, he says there’s no rush to get into your own place. The council will check in soon and see if you’re ready. But he says there’s no rush.

Either way, you’re full every day now, so full and satiated that you’re starting to forget what hunger feels like.

Well...not completely.

Days turn into a week, and a week to two, and it’s on this two week marker that you walk into the bathroom without knocking.

It’s your fault. The door isn’t locked, but why would it be? Joel’s been living on his own since Ellie moved to her little shed apartment in the backyard. Your presence is a recent one, two weeks not enough time to get out of a routine of comfortability in his own home. 

And you, so many months alone on the road, any semblance of privacy was a lost venture. You’ve peed behind trees, bathed in streams, found yourself naked by the fire on late summer evenings while your clothes air-dried. Knocking on doors has taken some time to get used to.

So when you push it open haphazardly, not expecting to see the fully naked man stepping out of the shower, it’s a slight surprise.

Joel freezes, hand on the towel he’s reaching for, body dripping with warm water. It’s a split second, just a moment before you fumble out a frantic apology and slam the door shut.

But not quick enough that you didn’t see everything. Everything. 

You stand outside the door, hand on the knob, eyes wide, chest heaving. You try to clear your head of these thoughts, but there’s only one thing you can really focus on.

Joel. 

Naked. Droplets slowly dancing down his weathered skin; clinging to the dark hair on his chest, the slope of his full belly, gliding down toward his pelvis. His thick legs, muscled and bulging, arms the same. All of him, wet, breathing hard, and...and not just breathing hard. 

God, you’ve never seen one so big before. 

Everything about Joel is big. He’s a massive presence. His shoulders are broad, hips wide, thighs sturdy. His neck is thick and lined with veins, same as his wrists and hands. His stature towers over you, and his form exceeds yours in every possible sense. 

But...well, you’ve never seen one so big. 

It had been too quick, to really be able to tell if he was truly sporting a post-shower boner. You think, maybe a little. But you also think...maybe it’s just that big. 

The hair was well groomed, you noted that, though you aren’t sure why. It makes you feel...feral. You haven’t had a shave in months, legs thick with coarse down, the slope of your pelvis protected by a soft bush of hair. Razors were hard enough to get in the QZ. On the road? Non starter. You’re a fuzzy decoration of body hair. Joel’s not exactly smooth, but he looked...groomed. 

Why are you self conscious? Why do you care what he might think of the haphazard way you look naked? Why are you comparing your road-torn body to his strong, healthy one? 

Why are you imagining what his might feel like against yours? How the scruffy beard on his jaw might scratch and tickle yours like that stupid quilt. How his hands, thick and massive, would cradle your flesh, the pads of his rough thumbs leaving lines of desire down each tendon. How his voice, low and gruff, a buttery drawl, would whisper in your ear. Tell you you’re beautiful, tell you he likes having you here, tell you this is permanent. 

That’s enough to snap you out of your stupor. You release the door handle like you’ve been burned, stumbling back away from it. Your breath hitches, eyes feeling warm and wet. 

Before you can make a hasty exit, the door opens, and Joel appears under the arch. He’s fully dressed now; dark washed jeans and an olive green t-shirt that clings to his large chest and arms in a way that’s almost unbearable. 

For a beat, there’s this silence between the two of you that feels almost tangible. Your throat sticks with it, clogging up any pathetic attempts at breaking the tension. You look at him, fumbling for something to say, something to do, fuck to even move.

“M’sorry,” he begins, averting his eyes, “uh, I-”

“My fault,” is all you can squeak out.

“I shoulda locked the-”

“My fault!” you repeat, like a real eloquent genius. You force a laugh out of your lips, but it sounds more like a manic cry than anything. 

Joel’s brow creases, his eyes settling on you with clear concern. “No, s’okay. M Sorry, again. Are you...alright?”

Another manic laugh. “Joel, you’re not that special, I’ve seen naked men before.”

His jaw tenses. “You look upset.”

This is too much. This is all too fucking much. He’s got you all twisted up, all confused. Eating his food, using his sponge, sharing tea with him in the mornings and a leaf of mint at night. Letting him worm his way into your mind, make you feel safe and secure. 

This is how pieces go missing; get hacked off. This is how a person becomes whole, and then utterly incomplete.

“I’m… fine,” you manage, “gonna… actually, was just going to tell you. I’m gonna talk to Maria today. Let her know I’m ready to be on my own.”

And it shouldn’t affect you, the way his face falls completely at these words. The way his shoulders deflate, his eyes go soft, his lips draw down and his eyebrows flatten. 

You’ve hurt him, you’re hurting him. You don’t know why or how, but this hurts him. Despite the quick composure he sweeps over his expression into one of neutrality, you know. And you shouldn't care. It’s two weeks of nothing. You’ve been on your own most of your life.

“Alright,” Joel says, voice rough. 

And it shouldn’t hurt you, the way he easily accepts this. The way he doesn’t fight. You don’t own him, he doesn’t own you, you don’t belong to each other. 

Two weeks of meals, late night talks, healing. It’s nothing. To either of you, clearly.

But it does hurt. And that’s exactly why you have to leave.

“Okay,” you reply, swallowing hard.

“Council’s closed today, Sunday,” he explains dryly. 

“Then I’ll do it tomorrow,” you snap back, voice going a little defensive. “I can find somewhere to sleep for tonight.”

At that, he rears back like you’ve hit him. “What?”

“To get out of your hair,” you explain, gesturing vaguely. 

Joel rolls his eyes, crosses those big arms over his chest, and looks down at you disapprovingly. You shrink a little under his stern gaze, hating yourself for doing it. 

“You ain’t in my hair,” he snarls, “I told you there’s no rush. Talk to her tomorrow. Sleep in your bed tonight.”

“It’s not my bed.” You don’t even know why you say it, why you’re arguing. You’re just afraid, angry, at yourself more than anything. 

His eyes darken. “Do whatever you want, then.”

He brushes past you and heads down the stairs, not bothering to look back up.

__________________________________________

You do in fact, sleep in your bed that night.

The quilt is scratchier than ever, an incessant discomfort that has you tossing and turning all night. It’s never stopped you from sleeping before, but for some reason, tonight is unbearable. You roll on your side, roll on your stomach, bury your face in the pillow and try not to scream.

You’d skipped dinner tonight, for the first time in two weeks. You didn’t want to see Joel, even when he knocked on the bedroom door to tell you it was ready. Even when you said you weren’t hungry, and his worried voice came through the wood.

“Look, you gotta eat, alright?”

“Not hungry, Joel. Thank you though. Really.”

“Is this about-”

“No, I swear.”

“Please?” 

It had been hard to say no to that one.

Now, you lie in a suffocating mess of pillows, stomach growling, feeling utterly pathetic and weak. You used to go days with this feeling, gnawing, desperate hunger in your belly, and you persevered. Now, you’re so fucking spoiled you can’t even go to bed without dinner. 

You don’t recognize this person you’re becoming. She’s a stranger, a woman of luxury, of contentment, dare you say happiness. She is not you, but some foreign intruder who’s taken over your body in an attempt to finally rid you of your last intact pieces until you’re nothing. Floating in essence, vanquished into an eternity of emptiness.  

You rely on him, you depend on him. He feeds you, worries about you, watches you from the corner of his eye to make sure you’re alright. And you don’t know what to do with that. It makes you feel small, futile, like a burden. You know how to take care of yourself. It’s all you know. 

So, you toss and turn.

When sleep comes, it brings with it dreams. Haunting memories, things you’ve tried to keep buried deep inside that small little cavern of your brain where bad things go. 

The men come, late at night, in a group of six. You’re young, twelve you think. The outbreak has been going on for four years, and you think you’ve got it all figured out now. You’re going to get to this quarantine zone in Georgia, since your own fell. It’s all gonna be fine. Mom and Dad and your big brother Andrew, they’re here and it’s okay. 

You’re trying to sleep, burrowed and shivering cold in your thin sleeping bag. Andrew is sitting beside you, one hand on your upper back, shushing your whimpers quietly. His sixteenth birthday was last week. Mom and Dad couldn’t do much on the road, not like you all used to when there was cake and candles and Spiderman gift wrap. Still, he seems older somehow, the last four years have aged him far more quickly than regular life did before the outbreak. 

You’re close to the border, your parents say nearly out of South Carolina. It’s southern here, supposed to be warm, but the nights are brutal and unforgiving in the winter. You’re so used to the cold now you’d think you wouldn’t mind, but it aches your bones, freezes your limbs into a stunted position curled around yourself. You hate the cold, always have. 

“You’re okay,” Andrew murmurs quietly, trying not to wake Mom and Dad. It’s his turn to watch. They’ve done rotating shifts for days now, until he put his foot down and demanded they both sleep substantially. 

“M’cold,” you whine. You know you’re being a crybaby, and maybe once upon a time he would've teased you for it, but not now. You’re bundled up in your layers and sleeping bag while he sits upright against a tree, his thin windbreaker the only barrier between him and the cold. His gun is laid on his thigh, safety on, facing the opposite direction. Guns are a permanent part of your family’s accessorizing these days.

“I know,” he whispers in reply, “it’ll be warm in Atlanta. Just try to sleep.”

“I’m afraid,” you say, even though you’re embarrassed to admit it.

“Me too,” Andrew says, “but we’re all gonna be fine. We’ve made it this far, hm?”

You nod half-heartedly. “Yeah.”

“As long as we’re together, we’ll be okay. Alright?”

“Okay, yeah.”

“Get some sleep.”

“Okay.” 

That’s the last thing you ever said to him. 

They appeared from the trees, too quiet, too well hidden for Andrew to spot them in time. By the time one of the men got close enough to reach out and yank your sleeping bag up with you in it, he was out of time.

Andrew shot, blindly. He nailed the man who’d scooped you up, and you both fell to the ground. He cried your name, rushing toward you, and then another shot rang out. Andrew hit the dirt with a spurt of red liquid that splattered across your face.

 You remember screaming. You remember your parents waking up, frantic. You remember fumbling around on the ground and grabbing Andrew’s gun, only to feel a vice grip on your arm. One of the men grabbed you, while your parents shot and fought off the others. Your mother screamed, and a body hit the ground. You struggled against the man’s hold as his greedy, chapped hands combed your adolescent body to see what of value you had.

“Nothin’ on this one!” he’d shouted, tossing you to the ground like you weighed nothing. Your head hit the hard dirt, and you found yourself even with Andrew’s face. Well, what was left of it. 

“The lady had some ammo, there’s some stuff in these packs,” another man replied. 

“What do we do with this one?” asked the man who grabbed you.

“Eh, she’ll die out here on her own anyway. Might as well put her out of her misery.”

That was the moment you knew you were going to die. 

“Hold it,” another man said, “she’s a fucking kid, just leave her. We got what we needed.”

“Yeah she ain’t worth the bullet,” chimed in another man.

“I’ll choke her out,” one suggested.

“Just leave her,” a more commanding voice ordered, “grab this shit and let’s get going.”

You remember lying there in the darkness, watching the bits of chunky red substance leak from Andrew’s eye socket, waiting for someone to tell you what to do. Waiting for your parents to sit up and give you an order. 

The night grew colder. You weren't strong enough to bury them, even move them on your own. For a long time, you just lay there, staring at Andrew. The image burned into your brain forever. 

By the time the sun rose, your bones were so cold, lips blue, eyelashes stiff, you felt like you’d died right with them. Four corpses lying unceremoniously on a campsite. Rigor mortis set in early for you, a paralyzing terror of the next steps rendering you utterly immovable.

After a while, you got hungry. 

Isn’t it funny, how that’s what motivated you to push your small body away from your brother’s hollowed face? Your own selfish need, your own emptiness, always threatening to swallow you whole.

The walk to Georgia left you breathless a lot. You stumbled, more than walked. Drank from streams the way your parents taught you, foraged for food as best as you could with no weapon besides the little knife holstered in your sock. You hid from infected and more raiders, using your small body to your advantage as much as possible. 

When you finally made it to the giant cement wall of the QZ, it felt like you’d lost your breath forever. Your lungs rattled, air came in short, quick bursts, your throat ached from dehydration. Your legs didn’t work, not how they were supposed to.

You remember the FEDRA guards holding guns at you, a scanner to your neck, shoving you through the gates roughly. You remember telling them your family was gone. You remember lasting a week in the orphanage before you ran away, doing odd jobs for older QZ residents in exchange for places to stay. 

Mostly, you remember Andrew’s face. You remember the biting cold contrasted with the warm splatter of blood on your face, you remember his insides leaking out, you remember wishing you could scream, but not having enough power in your lungs.

As long as we’re together, we’ll be okay.

You remember knowing that you would never be okay again.

The remembering hurts, restricts your lungs into a tiny little ball in your chest. You struggle to inhale, struggle to fill your sternum with necessary oxygen. It burns, the hunger for air with no satisfaction. The emptiness consumes you. 

You gasp, you see Andrew’s face, it hurts, everything hurts. 

Alone on a campsite, alone in the woods, alone in the QZ, alone on a cross-country trek, alone in a cold gas station.

A warm fire, mint on your tongue, tart lemonade down your throat, food in your belly. A dry chuckle in your ears, a steadying hand on your back, a comforting presence beside you. 

Alone. Afraid. Broken. A burden. Couldn’t save your family, could barely save yourself-

A burden.

Alone. 

Broken. 

“Hey.”

A voice, low and urgent. Familiar, gentle but concerned. 

You gasp.

Alone. 

Burden.

Broken. 

“Hey,” more insistent this time, “hey, wake up honey.”

You gasp, your body freed from its rigor mortis as you bolt upright, air circulating through your lungs like a broken fan blade. Your hands fly out, a desperate attempt to shield your face from whoever is currently saying your name. 

“...breathe, breathe,” he’s saying to you, a little frantic, “s’okay, you’re okay, breathe.”

“Please,” you wheeze, but you don’t know what you’re begging for. There are tears in your voice, a fragile broken blossom of desperation. 

“I know, I know baby, s’okay,” he’s touching you now, delicate fingers tracing up and down the protruding knobs of your spine. “Listen to my voice, darlin’. Take a deep breath for me, s’gonna be okay, I promise.”

You try to follow his example, try to steady your breathing to an even pace. He’s doing it for you, showing you how, patiently inhaling in a slow motion and letting it go in one soft exhale. 

“I-I can’t,” you gasp, feeling hopeless, helpless, pathetic and like a burden in every sense of the word. 

“Shh, yes you can honey. In, with me now, in.” 

He inhales, slow, lowering himself to look up at your trembling frame perched on the bed. The sheet’s come up, the fading cream color of the mattress almost too bright in the dark room. Pale moonlight illuminates Joel’s face, scruffy beard, wrinkles around his gentle eyes, broad nose. His lips part, and he breathes in, keeping gaze with you. 

You follow suit, inhaling in a choppy, half-hearted attempt at the smooth breath he’d accomplished.

“That’s good darlin’,” he nods at you, even though you know it wasn’t good. “You’re doin’ so good. Breathe out.”

You exhale in a stunted whoosh.

“Good girl,” he murmurs, “keep goin’.”

With his hand on your back, rubbing slowly, delicately, you fight to steady your breaths. Your eyes are wet, your lips trembling, his voice soothing in your ears. He’s saying all these things, all these nice, lovely, wonderful things that people don’t say to you. 

“Attagirl, good job.”

“S’okay honey, you’re doin’ good, just breathe.”

“You’re okay, you’re safe, promise, I ain’t gonna let nothin’ hurt ya.”

Mercifully, you come back into your body, chest expanding the way it’s supposed to. Your fingers unclench from the tangled up sheets, aching from how tightly you’d been gripping. 

Through a curtain of hair, you draw your eyes to him. He’s still there, rubbing your back, murmuring sweet nothings, keeping his own breathing steady. 

Still there. He’s still there. You aren’t alone.

“Joel,” you gasp, and he moves toward you in an instant.

Large, warm arms pull you in. His chest, thick through his t-shirt, the steady thrum of his heartbeat a rhythm in your ear. His chin at the crown of your head, his breath in your ears. You curl up like that useless little girl in a sleeping bag, and cling to his shirt. 

“M’here,” he whispers, “you’re okay, honey. Was just a dream.”

He’s here. He’s warm. He’s here and you’re safe and not alone. Four walls around you, a quilt underneath your cold legs, a kitchen full of food just down the stairs.

Panic leaks into your veins, memories of the road, cold and lonely and frightening. 

As long as we’re together, we’ll be okay.

You want to tell him you’re afraid. You want to admit it; be forthcoming about just how damaged you are. You want to tell him just how heavily you’ve come to rely on his steadying presence, his warm food, his laugh, the way his eyes crinkle up and his teeth show when you make him happy.

You’re so, so scared. So alone, so petrified, not at all as tough as you’d like him to think. 

But the last time you admitted you were afraid, you lost everything in the blink of an eye. Your own weakness, always your undoing.

“You’re okay,” Joel says into your hair, not realizing he’s speaking empty words into a hollow recipient, “I gotcha. You’re safe. I’m here.”

You can’t tell him how badly you want him to stay. That will only make him leave. 

“Joel,” you repeat, breathless, unsure of what else to say.

“M’here honey.” He reaches down with one hand, cups your face in the rough of his palm, strokes his thumb over the delicate line of your cheekbone. And you feel safe. 

Desperately, you lift your own trembling hands, taking his cheeks in them. He seems surprised, but doesn’t pull back, allowing you to explore with your own frail fingers. You trace the bridge of his large nose, the slope of his full lips, the broad jaw and stern forehead. His eyelashes flutter, and you move yourself closer, cradled in his arms, faces only inches apart.

“M’here,” is all he says. And you must be tired of hearing it, surely you must, but you can’t find that anywhere within yourself. All you feel is safe. 

You don’t know exactly how it happens. Your face moves, his does too, hurried breaths and warmed air between you. His lips press into yours, soft and lush and tender. You don’t know who leaned in first, but you feel his caution, his carefulness as you deepen the kiss from something superficial to something that has meaning.

He allows you to part his mouth with your tongue, falling into one another as your noses bump. His grip tightens around you, and you’re awash in the smell of lemon soap and mint, the itch of the quilt beneath you, the squeak of a mattress underneath your combined weight. 

After a few seconds, your lips part. Your noses touch, the frame of your foreheads making a heart against the shadows of moonlight through your window. His hands cup your face, rough and calloused, yet unbelievably gentle all at once. It’s as though his grasp is a shield, impenetrable and solid. You’ve never felt so safe, so cared for, so protected. 

And so, so scared. 

Now that you’re here, safe and cocooned in this warm house, this gentle society, the arms of this incredible man… 

How can you ever let yourself love something that would hurt so badly if it were lost? You’ve done it before. You can’t do it again.

“D’you wanna talk about it?” Joel rasps, thumb still soothing small lines over your cheek.

You shake your head quickly, but the words spill out as if in spite of your body’s intentions. “Just… mm. My parents. My brother. Just-that’s all.”

“Oh,” he murmurs, “what…can I ask what-”

“Raiders. I was twelve.”

At this, he looks down at your face, brows furrowed. “You saw it?”

“Yeah, I got away. They let me go, I mean. After some debate.” You clear your throat, breathing settled and eyes drying with each word. You’re feeling grounded enough to be utterly humiliated. “Um, I’m really sor-”

“I know you ain’t about to apologize for havin’ a nightmare,” he interjects dryly.

“More for what happened afterward,” you mutter.

Joel’s fingertips tuck a lock of hair back behind your ear, even though it falls right back out again. “Now why on earth are you apologizin’ for that?”

Because I can’t stay.  

Limply, you shrug.

He laughs, that low, dry sound. It smooths from his chest like a bass drum, reverberating in your ears. And you smile in spite of yourself, a small, gentle pull of your lips. You love making him laugh. 

“Sorry I barged in,” Joel says, even though he’s still holding you in his lap like a stray dog.

“S’okay. Thanks for…thank you.”

“Don’t gotta thank me.”

“Be kinda rude if I didn’t.”

His lips twitch. “Can I ask you somethin’?”

“Okay.”

“Did you do that just now…kiss me…’cause you wanted to, or ‘cause you were upset?”

Swallowing thickly, you reply, “can it be both?”

“If it’s both, it’s both.” 

“That’s fucking vague,” you grouse.

“Pot, meet kettle.” He smirks down at you.

“I’m sorry I kissed you,” you say.

“Don’t be,” he responds, “I’m not.”

You have nothing to say to that.

“You oughta get some rest.” Joel squeezes you once, then moves like he’s going to get up and leave.

Your fingers dart out to clench his shirt, gripping the soft cotton in vice like digits. Wild-eyed, you look up at him, terrified of being alone, terrified of seeing Andrew’s face again all night.

“Hey, easy.” Joel pries your fingers off his shirt. “You alright?”

“I-I-“ you stumble over the words, throat choking up. It’s all so confusing. You need to be away, pull back, stop this before it goes too far. At the same time, you’ve never needed to be close quite this badly. 

“I can,” he answers a question you didn’t ask, “if you want.”

Limply, you nod. 

“Go on then, scoot.” Joel gestures for you to make room on the bed, and you do. He adjusts the pillows and lies flat, opening his arm for you. You curl up at his side, cheek on his chest, listening to the steady heartbeat underneath the cotton shirt. He smells like lemon soap, and a faint musk of sweat from sleeping. It’s enticing, the mixture, and you don’t know why.

You press your face into his shirt, breathing in the security that this strange man somehow brings. You don’t know when the shift happened from him being a man you wanted to stab, to this, but it’s happened now. It’s too late to deny this: Joel means something to you.

“I’m sorry about what I said earlier,” you tell him quietly.

He hesitates. “You…didn’t say nothin’ bad. That was always the plan, for you to go out on your own darlin’.”

He’s right of course, that was the plan. For the past two weeks, all you’ve been doing is letting him take care of you. The end goal, ultimately, to help you become a functioning Jackson resident. 

“But can I ask?” He continues, voice low and soft in the dark bedroom. 

“Yeah?”

“Do you…do you want to leave? S’okay whatever you wanna do baby, just… that is what you want, right? To be on your own?” 

As long as we’re together, we’ll be okay.

No, no, no I don’t want to be alone. Ever again. I want to stay with you forever. 

“Yes,” you lie. It’s a lie. You’re so afraid. Why can’t you just tell him the truth? Why can’t you just let someone in? If it’s gonna be anyone…well, it’d be someone like Joel. 

No. Not someone like Joel. Just Joel.

“So all that time on the road,” he adjusts your body slightly, tugging you up higher on his chest so that his chin rests on your head, “didn’t make you lonesome?”

An ache in your chest, sharp and spearing overwhelms you. “It-it did.”

“N’you like bein’ lonesome?”

The lie is on the tip of your lips before he says, “be honest, honey.”

“No,” you say, shoulders deflating.

“It’s hard,” he whispers, “lettin’ people in when you lost so much before. Believe me darlin’ I get that.”

“Then you know why I have to leave,” you tell him, desperate that he’ll understand, but also hoping that he’ll argue against it.

“I know why you think you gotta leave,” he corrects.

“This isn’t good for you anyway,” you’re shaking your head as you speak, fingers splayed out on his chest, “I’m a burden to you.”

At that, he manages a small, dry chuckle. You look at him, confused by what’s made him laugh. 

“Honey, havin’ you here…well, I think I needed it just as much as you did. You got no idea how much I like watchin’ you eat what I cook, listenin’ to you hum in the shower ‘cause you’re too shy to sing, watchin’ you curl up by the fireplace with that damn quilt around your head like a sherpa.” His fingers come down to cup your jaw, tracing the line of bone that leads to the curve of your chin, up to the bow in your lips. “How nice it is havin’ a pretty girl around to talk to, someone smart, someone funny, someone who’s like me.”

“Like you?” you inquire. 

“Mhm.” He presses the pad of his thumb against your lips, parting them slightly as he uses his finger to study the contours of your mouth. “Someone hurt, someone who thought they had no chance in this world. Someone who can get better, if she lets herself.”

Your throat feels tight. “I don’t know if I can.”

“You’re already doin’ it, baby.” He tilts your chin up with the meat of his palm, looking down at you through the silver streaks of moonlight. “Every day you get up, eat breakfast, and keep goin’. That’s all it is. Takin’ it one day at a time. Takin’ care of yourself. Letting yourself get better, slow n’ steady.”

You blink up at him, trying to process his words. You guess he has a point; two weeks ago you barely felt human, didn’t feel like you could ever belong in a place like Jackson, or somewhere like Joel’s home. But lately, through these routines of care, you’ve begun to feel…alive again. Still agonized by loss, still hopeless and confused and frightened, but something more than that too. 

“You don’t gotta stay,” he assures you, “not if you don’t want to. But don’t go just ‘cause you’re scared. Ain’t no reason to punish yourself. Not when I like havin’ you around so much.”

“What if you get tired of having me around?” you ask weakly. It’s no far stretch; every other short term partner you’ve ever had got sick of you after enough time. Every adult you roomed with in the QZ kicked you out sooner or later. Nothing is permanent, especially not people.

“You think I could at least get a chance to prove myself ‘fore you go ahead and write me off?” He smiles down at you, hand still cupping your cheek. “I actually ain’t all that bad a guy.”

“No, no,” you’re quick to reassure, “Joel, you’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met. You are- you are a good guy. It isn’t that, it’s-”

“It’s not you, it’s me, honey, that one’s a little played out.” There’s gentle amusement in his voice.

With a groan, you start to pull away. “You’re impossible.”

“Hey, m sorry.” he pulls you back in, gentle but demanding, and you concede, all too eager to lay against his warm chest. “All I'm sayin’ is, no one’s asking you for your hand in marriage or nothing. Just…stick around for a while. Let me make sure you’re real healthy, ready to go. Get some meat on these bones. Get you feelin’ good. Might take some time. Two weeks ain’t much.”

“I’ve got meat,” you defend.

He snorts. “Me too.”

“Joel-”

“S’gonna take time, that’s all I’m sayin’. Just, stay, alright? Let yourself…have this.” Joel presses a firm kiss to the top of your head.

Finally, you exhale and find yourself nodding. Although it’s against your instincts, and better judgment, you know he has a point. How can you ever get better if you don't give yourself the opportunity?

“I don’t really know how to do this,” you admit, “I’ve never really…been a person before. Y’know what I mean?”

He makes a quiet noise of consideration. “Gimme an example.”

“Like, the apple juice,” you explain in a rambly sort of voice, “or the dishwasher. I don’t know how to do things like you do. I mean, fuck, I walked in on you in the shower today.”

At that, he clears his throat. You must be imagining it, but you’re sure you can hear some sort of…something in the noise. 

“That kinda stuff takes time,” he replies quietly, “s’okay.”

You arch an eyebrow. “What else am I missing then?”

“You’d have to tell me that, honey.”

Abruptly, you remember his body, naked and wet from the shower. Something about him is so desirable; whether it’s simply the masculinity of his form; hairy and strong, the impressive endowment between his legs or something else, you aren’t sure. Could it be that he’s simply an attractive man, who’s kind and thoughtful and funny? Of course. 

Could it be that everything about Joel represents what you’ve always wanted? The security of this home he’s created, the warmth of his fireplace and the way he’d thought to set out mint leaves for you to chew on? The heft of his body; his large shoulders, his thick thighs, his soft stomach, well fed and dense with nutrition. He is whole, broken pieces glued back together painstakingly to build back up this incredible man. This beacon of recovery, healing, strength and happiness.

What are you missing? Everything that Joel has, it would seem. The chance to finally become the way he is… to be okay again.

And…well, it’s also been a while since you had a good fuck. That wouldn't hurt either.

The thought is so ridiculous, so sudden and inappropriate, that it makes you laugh. A real laugh; a genuine, deep-chested sound of amusement that has Joel pulling back with surprise. 

“Somethin’ funny?” he inquires, arching an eyebrow at you like you’ve lost your mind. 

“No, m’sorry.” You press your fingers against your lips in a pathetic attempt to stifle the laughter. “So stupid.”

“What?” he demands.

“No it’s- god Joel it’s so ridiculous I can’t-”

“Oh, just tell me damnit.”

“I was just thinking, you know, what might help make me feel normal again. Haven’t had it in a while…” you look up at him expectantly.

It takes a moment for the message to land in his brain, and his eyes widen slightly. “Oh. I-I see.”

“Yeah…” you clear your throat quietly.

“Well, shit honey. All y’had to do was ask.”

Your eyes widen. “Pardon me?”

He takes your face in his hand again, tilting your chin and gently pulling your body until you’re face to face, noses brushing. His lips twitch, eyelashes sweeping over his cheekbones as he studies your face.

“Like I said,” he murmurs, “ain’t nobody proposing marriage or nothin’. But there’s no reason you can’t…enjoy yourself. If you want to, that is.”

“You…we…are you sure?”

“Ain’t nothin’ you haven’t already seen,” he quips.

You groan. “Joel.”

A low chuckle in his chest. “Sorry baby.”

“If you’re just gonna tease me the whole time, then you can go fuck yours-”

Your retort is cut off by his lips pressing into yours, and you startle a bit, though you don’t pull back. Your body melts, tension leaking out of your shoulders at the feel of his gentle mouth on yours. 

And you’re consumed. There’s nothing else in that moment except for Joel.

His mouth on yours, his tongue pressing forward until it parts your lips. His body, thick and warm against your chest. The tangle of his graying hair, the way his breath grows more heavy when you intertwine your fingers with it and tug. His hands, one cupping your cheek, keeping you close, the other delicately beginning to roam your body. 

And maybe it’s wrong; hooking up with him on the heels of a horrific nightmare about losing your family, or doing it after you told him you were going to leave, or doing it at all considering you barely know each other outside of these serene, isolated two weeks of eating and sitting by the fire and laughing.

But you want him, and he’s good and you want to be a person again. You want to eat meals and drink tea and sleep with a quilt and fuck often. You want to ride a hard dick, suck on a thick, veiny cock, be caged in an embrace of big bulging arms, hear the guttural moan of a man in your ear as he cums.

It’s a hunger, like any other. The way your stomach growled and gnawed for the relief of a hot meal, your body yearned to be filled too. That warm, wet space between your legs, at times so empty and vacant you thought you might just die from the need. Fulfillment, desperate for it in all its forms. Yearning, hunger, pleas to live a life where such simple pleasures are not only permitted, but taken with ease.

It won’t make you whole, it won’t heal your scars or fix your wounds. It won’t change what’s happened or secure your future. 

But for a while, no matter how fleeting, it’s going to fill you up.

Isn’t that enough for someone who’s spent so long being hungry?

“C’mere,” he murmurs, so gentle, so soft, that it’s impossible not to do as he asks. You let him readjust you so you’re sitting on his lap, slender thighs spread around his thick ones, arms hanging off his neck, foreheads pressed together as he hungrily meets your lips again. He’s warm, heat radiating off his large body, and you instinctively lean in.

“Gonna make you feel good,” Joel’s words are muffled by the skin of your jaw as he leaves lingering kisses there, slowly traveling down to your neck. His tongue flicks delicately at the column of your throat, eliciting a small moan from your lips.

It’s been so long since you’ve been touched…

“God, you’re so pretty baby.” His fingers slide into the neckline of your nightshirt, which is really just one of his. It’s so large on you that you wear it as more of a dress, the only thing guarding your intimate areas from the outside world is your solitary pair of underwear, that’s been washed to death as you wait for more fabric to come into Jackson’s seamstress to make more. You’ve been going commando a lot.

It’s your immediate instinct to argue; you haven’t been pretty for a while, you’re not sure if ever. Survival is all you know; not caring for yourself or putting effort in to appear beautiful. 

But what’s the point, anyway? He’s here, he’s seen you for what you are, and he wants to make you feel good. What does it matter if you’re pretty?

Though… you do like the way it sounds coming off his lips. 

“Can I…” his lips explore the small patch of skin on your neck that’s exposed above the shirt, “can I take this off, honey?”

He’s tugging lightly on the shirt, asking your permission, even though in every way you’ve really already given it. You hesitate only briefly, concerned about the state of your sickly body. Then, you nod.

Calloused hands moving with a practiced tenderness, he bunches the shirt up at the hem and carefully slides it over your head, exposing your breasts and abdomen. You hear his sharp intake of breath, feel the warmth of it washing over your skin, and for a moment you’re paralyzed with fear.

He doesn’t like what he sees. How could he? You’ve become something inhuman. Scars, bones poking through flesh, discolored bruises. You’re something so ugly and unsightly that-

“Jesus, baby, you’re beautiful.” The pad of his hand smooths out to cup your breast, his thumb brushing elegantly over the bud of your nipple, which is rapidly coming to life from the sensation. “Lookin’ so healthy these days, so so pretty. You feel better?”

Robotically, you nod. “Y-yeah.”

“Love gettin’ to feed you, baby. Watchin’ you eat my food, gettin’ healthy n’soft.” He leans in, cradling your back to keep you upright as his warm lips explore the expanse of your chest, kissing down your sternum until he replaces his thumb on your nipple with his mouth. 

And he’s right, you think as you look down critically at your form. You’ve put on weight, surely not enough, not yet. But… you’re softer now, edges rounded out to a more gentle plush, knobby knees more full, bony hips more tender, slender thumb joints smoothed out. 

And you do feel better. Not dizzy or aching all the time, not sore or struggling to sleep from the pain, not burning from dehydration or growling from hunger.

You’re almost there, almost as full as a person can be. So, so close.

“I like it too,” you breathe, the last word pitching up with a surprised noise as his teeth graze across your nipple. A pleasant, but unexpected motion.

“That okay honey?”

“Mmm…yes…”

“Gonna make you so soft n’happy,” he murmurs, almost more to himself than you, you think, “gonna take care a’you.”

“Okay,” you whimper, pliant in ways you’ve never been with a partner before. 

You aren’t sure why, because he’s just sitting there, kissing you and holding you and telling you all of these kind things, but you feel the pooling of tension in your lower belly and the beginnings of a wet patch on your panties. It’s bizarre; other than teasing your nipple he hasn’t done much in the way of sexual advances, yet from his touch and his words alone, you need him.

And you didn’t imagine it, that his cock was big. You can feel it beneath your spread thighs, through his boxers and sweatpants, the thick girth and diamond hard weight of it pressing into the fabric. 

The heat between your legs feels almost unbearable now, the growing need and tension from his ministrations of your nipple spurring you on. Your fingers tangle in the wavy hair atop his head, and you feel his lips curve into a smile around your breast.

“Mind if I take this off?” he asks, removing his lips from your skin to tug at his own shirt. You nod quickly, eagerly, watching him slide it over his head.

In the soft glow of moonlight, the contours of his body are illuminated like the artful scenes of a movie. The tendons and muscle in his large arms, bulging and pulsing each way he moves, the clench of his jaw beneath his well-groomed beard, the mapping of dark hair over his thick chest. His stomach is full, wide and round and healthy, a sturdy man in every sense of the word. A big, meaty body to match that huge cock in his pants. It’s only fitting, you think as you admire the large score of his body. He’s scarred too, like you are, the lines and wrappings of a survivor beaten into his flesh.

“Ain’t as trim as I used to be,” he remarks offhandedly, though you think you sense a beat of hesitation in his words.

Your delicate fingers trail between his pecs, smoothing the hair down there until you reach the place beneath his belly button where the hair connects to his boxers. You tug experimentally at the hemline of his pants, eyeing the desperate thing there that begs to be freed. You watch his breathing pace up, his stomach and chest moving in synchrony with each hurried breath. 

So big, so full and warm and secure. Solid and strong, an impenetrable wall around you. 

“You’re perfect,” you tell him, and you don’t just mean his body. 

He ducks his head then, surely embarrassed by the praise, and buries his face in your neck once more. His lips and teeth graze the skin there, sucking and biting and kissing, leaving little wet spots as he moves along.

His large hands grip your hips then, lifting you with such ease it’s almost startling. He heaves you upward and then gently lays you on your back, head against the mound of pillows pushed up on the headboard. Your legs splay out before you and he positions himself above, careful not to lower his weight on to yours.

His lips return to your neck, dancing slowly down between your breasts, kissing the scarred flesh of your stomach and hips, teeth bumping into the cotton of your panties. His eyes dart up to you when he reaches them, eyebrow quirking. A question. He’s asking for permission.

You nod, too eager you’re sure.

“So pretty…” he breathes, pressing his lips to the wet fabric of your panties, eyes closing as he tastes the flowing liquid through the cotton. “‘Bout lost my cool when I saw these little things hangin’ off your pack, darlin’. Wondered what they’d look like on you, wondered what they’d look like off you…” He kisses the wet patch again, which makes your legs tense up, and slides his finger into the hemline, murmuring thoughtfully.

“Don’t fit so good anymore,” he notes, and you realize he’s right. There’s a pinch of fabric at your thigh that wasn’t there before, the mark of underwear too tight. It leaves little indents on your skin when he pulls at it, angry red marks that line the contours of your body. 

“You’ve been feeding me too much,” you manage.

He chuckles at this, deep and throaty. “I think we can do better, even.”

With that, he carefully glides the panties down your legs, the stickiness of your arousal clinging to the cotton until he finally separates it from your ankles. He holds it up, admiring the damp fabric. He balls it up in his hand, and then presses it to his nose with a deep, hungry inhale.

You blink, surprised. You’ve never had a partner…do that before. 

Joel’s eyes open, underwear still pressed to his nose and mouth. You can see the twitch of his jaw, the smile on his lips even though it’s hidden by your wet underwear, and it does something odd to you. 

He wants you so bad, is so hungry for you that he’s taking in every piece he can, breathing in your smell, your taste, even where it clings to the underwear that used to fit you and no longer does.

It makes you need, the way he wants you. It makes you ache desperately, makes you yearn and hunger for him too. Being wanted, being desired, it’s not something you’re used to.

“Smell so nice, honey,” Joel mutters, “bet you taste even better. So sweet, so wet.” He lowers himself between your legs, grabbing your thighs in his large hands, fingers pressing into the meat. 

It’s a reflex for your legs to tighten up, tension pooling at the sight of a relatively new man between them. He pauses, noticing your trepidation, and glances up at you without moving forward.

“Hey, you okay honey?” his voice is measured, composed. 

You nod.

“You sure? Talk to me baby, I gotta make sure you’re alright. You here with me?”

“I want you,” you manage, “please, Joel, I want it.”

“I’ll take real good care of ya’,” he promises you in that low, sultry drawl, “be real gentle. Treat you real nice.”

You’re nodding, already lost in whatever it is he plans to do to you. You feel a brief stab of insecurity for the state of your body hair, and you want to tell him as much, but you’re afraid it’ll kill the moment.

He doesn’t seem to mind, either way, lips pressing into your inner thighs, seeming completely heedless of the thick hair there. He pulls your body closer, gripping your hips in his strong hands, bringing your dripping cunt closer.

Joel’s head drops down, lips covering a delicate pattern on your lower belly, gliding easily over the soft hair on your pelvis, finding his mouth at your lips. Experimentally, he smooths his tongue over the wet slit there, glancing up when the action makes you inhale sharply.

His eyes are teasing, mouth quirked up in a small smile. Teasing, cocky, mischievous. 

“You’re g-gonna have to do better than that,” you tell him with a small curve to your lips.

“There’s that smile,” he muses, before burying his face between your legs again.

And there’s no ability to think of anything else, because he’s there. His tongue, expert and well practiced, running whirlpool motions over the bud of your clit, sucking and kissing and licking hungrily at the dripping bellow of your opening. 

Every sense is alight, each breath you take heavy with elation. The bundle of nerves between your lips is in overdrive, tensing and pulsing with desperate need as he gets you closer and closer. His tongue works miracles, the speed altering at just the right moment, switching his motions at just the right interval, lapping up your sopping liquids with his tongue like a starving man at a buffet.

“Taste so fuckin’ good, baby girl,” he groans into your wet folds, “such a pretty little cunt, so wet and soft for me.”

“For you…” you echo in a whine, fists gripping the sheet that’s come up off the mattress again.

The noises are obscene, the wet squelch of his tongue against your body, the almost frantic way he devours you. Hands holding your trembling legs in place despite the way you tense and move from the sensations, face buried against your wet center, the mess of liquid dampening his face and your thighs and the sheets underneath. 

You cum with a whining cry, a noise you didn’t know a person like you could make. It’s an innocent sound really, despite the debaucherous context. A noise of pure, primal pleasure, ripped from deep within your chest, a release and elation you haven’t felt in…you’re not sure if ever.

Knees clenched around his head, you’re expecting him to pull back now that you’ve gushed more fluid onto his face. But dutifully, he keeps eating. He drinks you in, the overstimulated, swollen clit beneath his lips is begging for relief, pleading to rest, but he doesn’t let it. 

Joel is hungry, and he won’t leave until he’s satisfied. Until you’re both satisfied.

“Taste so good when you cum for me,” he breathes when he pulls his lips back for air, “so sweet n’wet. Cum on my face, darlin’, do it again. Wanna eat you, all of you. So wet f’me baby.”

You think you cry his name, you aren’t sure, but you rip your fingers through his thick hair, tighten your thighs around his face, tears budding at the corners of your eyes from the ruthless sensation between your legs.

Then, a thick finger, gentle and careful probing at your entrance. He slides it in just a bit, moving with caution and curiosity. You buck your hips toward him eagerly, the desperate clench of your wet cunt around nothing is almost too much to bear. 

Slight relief as he glides his finger in all the way, pumping it gently in and out, back and forth to get a feel for the tightness of your slick walls. It’s been so long since anyone touched you this way, since you had anything substantial inside you, and Joel’s got the biggest fingers of any man you’ve ever met.

“That feel good baby?” he grunts as his lips ghost over your pulsing clit and his index finger smooths inside of you, “hurtin’?”

“No, good, good,” you pant.

“Good girl, attagirl.” He kisses your clit again and your hips buck once more, but he pins them down with his other hand. A second finger inside of you, matching the pace of his first, stretching you around the thick width of his digits. Preparing you for what’s to come, the massive, hard cock that’s going to spear you against the headboard.

Fuck, fuck.

“Joel,” you groan his name, feeling his fingers curl up in a crude little gesture inside you, coursing against your walls, brushing up against that place that makes you feel like you’re going to erupt. “Joel, Joel….”

He hums a low sound, lips and tongue still violently, rhythmically devouring your wet cunt. Between the pulsing thickness of his fingers, and the circular motions of his tongue on your clit, it’s not long before you white out. The pleasure is too intense, too sudden and overwhelming. It’s too much, too much, more than you’ve ever had before. 

Tears track down your cheeks against your will, your chest heaves with desperate, panting breaths. Your fingers have gone numb from their vice grip on the sheets, legs aching as they spread around his head to give him easier access, not a shred of resistance in your body as you submit to his expert touch. 

And it happens again, more intense this time. A black film teases the corners of your eyes, a devastatingly intense pooling in your stomach and through your cunt, a pulsing, thready explosion of pleasure bursting through you. 

You soak his face, legs jerking, hips convulsing, voice raw from crying out. The feeling is so intense that it dizzies you, your head floating off your body and spinning into a whirlwind somewhere in outer space. 

Joel licks it all up, tongue dragging across your drenched inner thighs, gliding across the shimmering wet slit of your lips, sucking on the raw skin until it’s nearly unbearable. Then, his wet mouth is moving, kissing up your thighs, the slope of your hips, your stomach and your breasts, sucking on your nipples and cupping them in his rough palms. 

Once he reaches your ear, teeth grazing the lobe, voice gruff, he whispers, “you with me, baby?”

You whine a small sound, feeble and needy. You feel the curve of his lips into a smile where they’re pressed into your ear, and he kisses your temple, lingering there. 

“M’gonna take these off, hm?” he slides a hand down toward his sweats, where you can see the large, intimidating shape of his hard dick outlined.

God, you need it, you need it like you’ve never needed anything in your life. So many years spent hungry, never realizing just how painful it could truly be to want something and be empty of it. 

Your pulsing, desperate pussy aches for him, dripping with the evidence of his prowess. Your thighs clench around nothing, pleading, begging, needing to be filled with whatever he can give you. 

Joel slides the pants off, boxers following suit, and your eyes widen a bit at the sight of his large cock springing forward. There’s a well-groomed crop of hair at the nape, heavy, even balls framing the thick protrusion of his shaft. The tip, angry and red, dripping with his need.

“Joel, let me-” you make a move to take it in your mouth, but he stops you with a gentle shush.

“No baby, just you tonight.” He lowers himself back above you, the hard tip just barely brushing your sopping cunt. 

A synchronized moan fills the air, both of you shuddering at the teasing contact. Holding himself upright on his thick, powerful arms, he lowers his forehead to yours, noses bumping. His lips ghost against your own, and you kiss him greedily, whining into the touch as his dick presses against you once more. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, “you wan’ me to fuck you, honey?”

You nod desperately.

“Talk to me, honey.” His lips press delicately right beside your mouth, smoothing his large nose over the supple skin of your cheek. “Tell me what you want, hm?”

“I-I want you,” you croak, voice frail and shattered, “want you inside me, Joel. Want you to fuck me. Fill me up, fill me with you. Please, please. I need it.”

He smiles down at you, no trace of teasing or mischief there, only a genuine, earnest warmth. Gradually, his hips roll into you, pushing just the slightest bit of him inside. You shudder, gasping at the beginning of the stretch.

“Gotta go slow, honey,” he breathes, eyes closing as if in concentration, “don’ wanna hurt you.”

“N-no, I don't care,” you insist.

“I do, baby. Gonna take care of you, promised. I got you. I got you. You’re safe with me.” His lips warm against your collarbone, kissing wetly there as his hips inch forward, shoving more of himself inside.

The stretch is intense, painful despite how wet and glistening you are for him. The head of his cock, fat and dripping, grunts into you with restrained desperation. His thighs push forward, hips moving slowly, slowly, giving you time to adjust, giving you all the focus and care and attention. 

Finally, mercifully, he bottoms out, both of you groaning out a noise of agonized want. Your thighs are speared apart by his wide body, balls of your feet digging into his lower back. His arms cage you in, one hand flat on the mattress to prop himself up, careful not to put any of his massive weight on your light frame, the other touching you. Your breasts, your cheek, your hair, your lips, every part of you he can see he explores while he allows you to adjust to the heavy weight of his dick inside of you.

It’s huge, spreading you and stretching you so intensely that you’re grateful for his godlike patience. You feel it bumping up inside, tip scraping the mouth of your womb, almost enough that you swear you could touch it through your belly. 

“So big, Joel,” you tell him, your voice a thready imitation of your usual cadence, “so big n’strong…so nice…”

“I got you baby,” he cups your cheek, bending his body down to kiss you lightly. The movement sheaths his cock forward inside, and you both groan.

“Please,” you beg, “please fuck me…please fill me up. Want you to fill me with your cum. Keep me full forever.”

“Fuck, fuck, honey girl,” he bites at your lip, pulling hard between his teeth until he draws blood. He licks across the soft pink flesh, taking more of you into him; the thin red line decorating his tongue before he swallows it up like a good boy.

Then, his hips grind into yours and you let out a shrill noise, a wounded animal crying out. He moves, slowly at first, allowing your body to stretch around him, getting used to the impact of his impressive girth. 

Quickly, he picks up the pace.

You’re begging at this point, nails raking down his thick back, teeth gritting into the hot meat of his shoulder, feet forcing his hips into you. He grunts your name, spits curses into the soft flesh of your neck, grinds and pounds his hips against yours so hard it feels as though he really could split you in two.

But split, you do not. Rather, you become more. Full, whining and screaming his name, sated and hungry all at once. Desperate and satisfied simultaneously. A hungry, soaking little mess underneath this massive man. This man who at first glance, had tried to kill you, a favor you quickly returned. 

A man who’s done nothing for the past two weeks but try to make you whole. A man giving you all the pieces of himself he can spare to try and mend your broken ones. A man who knows what it’s like to fall apart and be put back together again. 

He sees you; scarred flesh, fear, loneliness, all your worst, all you have, and he takes you as his own.

“Goddamnit,” he growls into your skin, “so fuckin’ tight baby, so good…so wet f’me…so tight, fuckin’ gripping me baby.”

Your nails dig deeper into his back, which only seems to spur him on. His hips somehow continue their breakneck pace, pounding against your deepest point so hard that it makes your head feel floaty all over again.

“Feel so good, you okay baby?” his lips against your skin are slurred, sloppy and greedy. 

You nod, nod your head so fast you feel dizzy, and he laughs a little breathlessly. Then, you feel the rough pad of his thumb move from your face down to your clit. 

You do white out then, with the combination of his hard, massive dick spearing you against the pillows, and the grind of his thumb against your swollen clit. The sensations are overwhelming, so intense, too intense. Your legs clench around his waist, and you let out a low, guttural scream.

“Fuck,” Joel gasps, eyes shutting as his rolling hips grow sloppier, less rhythmic, “fuck baby, fuck, fuck you just came all over my cock. God, so fuckin’ tight, so good so good honey, m’gnonna-fuck-”

And you’re full. The hunger, the emptiness, it all fades away in that instant. 

Joel empties himself inside you, cock jerking and pulsing against your throbbing walls. He groans deep in his throat, cursing and grunting as he fills you up, liquid gushing out over your pelvis and thighs. 

It takes a few moments for both of you to come down, his spent cock still sheathed inside your warmth. He hovers over you, and you feel one of his hands cup your cheek, fingers tracing slow lines across the bridge of your nose.

“Baby,” he breathes raggedly, “talk to me.”

“M’fine,” you assure him, though you feel like you’re on another planet.

“You sure? Everythin’ okay? Didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“You’re stupid,” you tell him.

At that, he snorts. “Yeah, you’re fine.”

He moves to detangle himself from you, but your legs clench around him, arms clasping desperately around his neck. He’s so warm, so solid and safe, and you’re so full. 

“They used to have a word for this,” he muses quietly, jerking his chin toward the cage of your legs around his waist, “think they called it baby trappin’.”

“As if you couldn’t get off right now if you wanted,” you mutter.

“Already did that, sweet.”

“Okay, you know what, get the f-”

He presses into you again, and you’re silenced by the low moan that slips from your mouth at the pressure of his heft inside you, even soft and spent. He smiles, teeth digging into his lower lip as he looks down at you with admiration. 

“M’gonna make you a real nice breakfast tomorrow,” he says matter-of-factly.

“That so?” You arch an eyebrow, amused at the ridiculous attempt at conversation he’s making with his dick literally still inside of you. “What’s the Joel Miller Morning After Special look like?”

“Waffles, homemade batter ‘course. Blueberries, the ones we been savin’. Big ole jug of apple juice, just for you.”

“Just for me?” You smile faintly at him. 

“Just for you,” he confirms, “whatever you want, just for you.”

A small laugh drifts from your lips. “Well, that’s very nice of you.”

“So you ain’t leavin’?” he asks, a note of hope in his voice.

“No.” You shake your head. “Think I'll stick around and annoy you for a while.”

He brushes a lock of hair behind your ear with the pads of his fingers. It stays put this time. 

“I’d like that, darlin’.” His teeth flash white in the darkness again. “Think I could go for a little somethin’ now actually. You need anything? Some water?”

You nod, fighting the instinct to get up and get it yourself. Maybe, just maybe it’s okay to let someone else take care of you once in a while. Even if it’s something as simple as a glass of water.

“Sounds great,” you admit, wincing slightly at the pull as he finally slides out of you with a sopping noise. You don’t even want to look at the mess on the sheets.

“How about a snack?” he asks. “You hungry?”

And you look at him, sliding his t-shirt on over his sweat-slicked body, reaching for a towel on your rack to pass toward you. So gentle, so caring, so tender and pragmatic all at once. 

You aren’t alone. You’re warm, and full, and for the first time in a long time, you’re happy.

“No,” you tell him in earnest, “I’m not hungry.”

“You sure?” 

You nod, managing another smile for him. Surely, he’ll add it to his annoying internal tally.

“I’m sure. I actually…I actually feel pretty full.”

What a wonderful feeling it is. 

[ice-man-goes-bwoah]

Christmas movie marathon||Dad!checo Perez x mom!reader

Summary— there’s no way to close out the perfect Christmas Day then a movie marathon with the family

A/n- another old fic form me old blog

The living room was a picture of holiday perfection. Twinkling string lights wrapped around the Christmas tree cast a warm glow, their reflections dancing on the ornaments that you and the kids had hung just days earlier. The scent of fresh pine mingled with the lingering aroma of the evening’s peppermint hot chocolate, and the faint hum of holiday music from the kitchen radio provided a backdrop to the crackle of the fireplace.

Sergio was stretched out on the couch, dressed in a cozy sweater and flannel pajama pants. His hair was slightly tousled, a testament to a long but rewarding day spent playing outside in the snow with the kids. Your youngest son, barely old enough to form full sentences, had already given in to sleep, his tiny body curled against Sergio’s chest as his hand softly rubbed his back in rhythmic circles.

You were tucked under his other arm, your head resting against his shoulder. Your middle child Sofìa was pressed to his side, her blanket pulled up to her chin as her wide eyes followed Rudolph’s red nose flickering on the TV screen. In your lap, your oldest Luca clutched his stuffed Rudolph toy, his face alight with the wonder that only came during the holidays.

“Why does Rudolph’s nose shine like that?” Sofìa whispered, breaking the comfortable silence in the room. Her voice was soft but full of curiosity.

Sergio smiled, his thumb absentmindedly brushing over the soft fabric of your sweater. “Because he’s special,” he said, his voice low but warm. “Sometimes, the things that make us different are the things that make us great.”

You glanced up at him, your heart swelling at the way he always seemed to know just what to say. Moments like this—seeing him not as the fast-paced, always-traveling racing driver but as the patient and loving father and husband—were the ones you cherished most.

As the familiar ending credits of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer began to roll, your youngest stirred slightly in his sleep, letting out a tiny sigh before settling back into Sergio’s chest. He adjusted his hold on him, his movements so gentle that it was clear this wasn’t the first time he’d had to master the art of not waking a sleeping child.

“Can we watch another one?” your oldest asked, his voice barely louder than a whisper as he hugged the stuffed Rudolph closer.

“Please?” your middle child added, her wide eyes darting between you and Sergio.

You laughed softly, reaching over to tuck the blanket around their shoulders. “Alright, but just one more. Then it’s straight to bed.”

“Frosty the Snowman!” your middle child declared, her energy momentarily revived at the thought of seeing the cheerful snowman again.

Sergio grinned, carefully shifting your youngest to lay across his lap before grabbing the remote to queue up the next movie. The opening notes of “Frosty the Snowman” filled the room, and both kids let out squeals of delight.

“I love this part,” Luca whispered as Frosty sprang to life, his jovial “Happy Birthday!” ringing out on the screen.

As the story unfolded, you found yourself marveling at the scene around you. Sergio’s free hand was laced with yours, his thumb brushing over the back of your hand absentmindedly. The kids’ laughter rang out in perfect harmony with Frosty’s antics, and the soft crackle of the fireplace completed the idyllic picture.

When the credits rolled and Sofia immediately piped up with, “Can we do one more? The Year Without a Santa Claus this time?” you exchanged a glance with Sergio.

“One more,” he relented, chuckling softly at the enthusiastic cheers that followed. “But after that, we’re all heading to bed. Even me.”

As the kids settled back into their spots, Sergio leaned closer to you, pressing a kiss to your temple. “I think this is my favorite part of the holidays,” he murmured, his voice low enough that only you could hear.

You smiled, squeezing his hand as the Heat Miser and Snow Miser burst onto the screen, their catchy song drawing laughter from the kids. “Mine too,” you whispered, your heart full to the brim with love for this little family of yours.

The night stretched on, the room filled with warmth, laughter, and the magic of Christmas.

[changingplumbob]

First Impressions - Yasmine

How do you feel so far?

I sort of thought I'd be higher in the ranking, honestly. If Deanna's not really into a girl whose biggest enemies are trash and corporate waste, maybe she's not as fun to be around as I thought. But I'm not done yet and I'm ready to get into all these challenges!

Posy

I think Posy might think she's famous. She drops names of people I've never even heard of and talks about parties with ice sculptures and chocolate fountains - do you know how much electricity you need for stuff like that?? She talks about a nice, clean world but I don't think she really gets it.

Cassiel

Cassiel acts like she's better than everybody. I want to like her but I'm not sure about her.

Harmony

Harmony makes me laugh! When everyone was starting to get a little tense with Cass' hot takes, she started telling jokes. And they were good jokes!

Jerrica

Her head is so full of so many story ideas! I could listen to her plot a romance novel all day long, honestly.

Quetzalli

I think Quetzalli's talented, but she's following Posy around and it's so obvious why. And I asked what were her favourite causes and she laughed and said 'me!'

Yasmine created by @fallin4fiction

[brielikestouya]

Rockstar Girlfriend

You and Touya are childhood friends who became musical stars together. Today, even though you're both working on solo projects, you're still friends - although you both wish it was more than just friendship.

Tw: childhood friends to lovers, very light angst, happy ending, band!au, no quirk au

Word account: 3.5k | Part 2 ?

Ever since you and Touya have known each other, music has been a common taste between the two of you. You met in the first year of elementary school while you were singing a song that until then no one else but you knew. It was late, your father hadn't picked you up yet, and only the two of you were left. Probably both Endeavor and your father managed to forget about their children, two shitty parents. Your childish and sweet voice hummed the melody of Secret Door, composed by Alex Turner.

“And the secret door swings behind us…”

Until then, no other child had heard that song. Maybe they had been introduced to other musical genres and found the style of the Humbug album stagnant. Or the change between the Arctic Monkeys' albums inconsistent. Or they didn't see the humor in the lyrics and couldn't relate to or didn't fully understand. However, when the hot-headed, white-haired boy heard your harmony, he completed the verse.

“She's saying nothing, she's just giggling along.”

From then on, a connection arose between the two of you. No words other than the rest of the lyrics of this song were exchanged between you, but the next day, you noticed that the boy had left the other side of the room to sit next to you.

As the years went by, the teachers began to complain that you wouldn't stop talking during class and didn't like doing activities apart from each other. During high school, when Touya got a guitar after begging his parents for so long, you started singing and playing in the school's annual talent show. Usually, the music was Arctic Monkeys. That's what brought you together, in a way, and the musical evolution of Alex Turner and the rest of the band was bizarrely good. That is, until their last album, which Touya didn't like while you simply loved. It's not surprising, after all, even though you have the same favorite band, he always preferred Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not while your heart is completely devoted to Suck It and See.

“Mirrorball isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, come on. Dancefloor is light years better than this shit.” Touya would complain when you put it on the shared headphones. And, as a rule, after your song, it was always his. After a while, The Strokes and Måneskin started to appeal to your musical taste. For you, Hozier and Lord Huron are always good choices.

It seems that, starting in the last two years of high school, your songs became more melancholic and romantic. Curiously or not, that was the same time when your feelings for Touya started to blossom inside your heart. Well, how could you avoid that? He adopted a more alternative style, covered his face with attractive piercings and a few tattoos, always defying his family. The whole high school wanted a piece of Touya Todoroki, including you. Of course, you weren't far behind when it came to beauty, because on Valentine's Day, boys filled your closet with declarations of love and chocolates. But none of them caught your attention the way your best friend did.

At some point, he started paying attention to every girl who hit on him, sleeping with most of them and then pretending he didn't know them. Typical of a teenage man who was lucky enough to be born hot. But at the end of the day, it was always you and him, no matter how many fake 'loves' he had during the late nights and parties.

After you turned 18, a record label invited you to record a debut album in this indie rock style. Without thinking twice, you accepted and went about the work of creating the songs with great pleasure, and luckily for both of you, it was a complete success. Soon, everyone in the city knew and listened to your songs. Then it was the state, then the country, and finally, entire continents. All of this led you to spend even more time together, composing songs, sharing rooms in hotels to perform shows and appearing at events together. Without a doubt, this made your fans unanimously root for you to get together and date. Although Touya was aware of this, he never seemed to care what they said about it. And, deep down, you repressed this feeling that you had cultivated since adolescence even more. After all, if he didn't care, he probably didn't see the big deal in having something serious with you. He slept with fans on almost every tour and made the most of your sex life. You also had your affairs with fans, but you didn't see much point in it; after all, it only served to alleviate a momentary pleasure.

At a certain point, the opportunity arose for you to make solo albums. In other words, each of you could put exactly and exclusively what you liked and appreciated in the music, without weighing up the guitar solos or a calm and peaceful sound.

Your album, completely folk and indie, turned you into a celebrity applauded for your majestic vocals, the sentimentality in each song and your ability to bring sensuality into it all. Touya, in turn, gained his fame as a rockstar, a Calvin Klein model. And yet, with each of you performing shows in different places, singing about different things, you remained together. He said he made a point of accompanying you to make you feel safer during the tours, which you wished was just another way for him to spend time with you.

“Tonight was quite a night, huh?” Touya said when you arrived at the room in the six-star hotel where you were staying. He had watched the show from above, on the roof of the building. “It was beautiful to the point of pain.”

“Yeah, it was. And thank you.” Your voice is exhausted, but you try to sound as normal as possible around him. Even with all these years of friendship and repressed love, you always tried to look as beautiful and serene as possible around Todoroki.

“Where will the next one be again? Brazil?”

“Yes, in São Paulo. We have about 5 more days in New York until then.”

Although the conversation was relevant, trying to unzip your clothes was more appealing. The glitter on your clothes prickled your skin and left it slightly red.

After removing it and taking a relaxing bath, the two of you spent the night watching Alice in Borderland, a series you discovered a while ago and have been hooked on ever since, waiting for the new season. Halfway through the episode, you fell asleep in Touya's arms, whom you put in bed and covered with as much tenderness and affection as he is capable of showing.

The next day, you woke up to a call from him on the phone. Apparently, it was someone from the production company on the other end of the line.

"I'll talk to her as soon as she wakes up, but I don't think it's a problem. The deadline is Friday? Well... we’re doing our best. I'll call you later to confirm the job."

"What's wrong?" Your voice is low and sly; after all, you had just woken up hearing your best friend talking about a job that was due by Friday - that is, you only had 3 days to do it, and in 5 days, you had to go to Brazil to perform another show. "Is that the production company?"

Touya turns to you and, before saying anything about the phone issue, compliments your completely messy and spontaneous appearance.

“They want us to produce a song together, and it needs to be by Friday.”

“Why so sudden?”

Touya shrugged.

“Let’s have coffee while we finish talking about this.”

As always, the morning breakfast service at New York’s luxury hotels was impeccable. Of course, you wouldn’t settle for just a pancake from the dessert isle filled with different flavored syrups. Meanwhile, Touya took advantage of the largest amount of spicy and slightly sweet things.

“So… what kind of music do we have to produce?” Your question reaches the table before your physical form, and when you sit down, Touya answers immediately.

“They said something pop-oriented, to diversify from our rock and indie styles. And, preferably, something catchy and kind of commerci-”

“Commercial?!” You take the job proposal as an affront. Something commercial, vague and with no goal other than profit? That’s not why you two got into music.

“I knew you were going to freak out about this, so I already dealt with them before waking you up. Stay calm.” He warns, raising his hands as if he had been stopped by the police. “I made a deal. We would do the song as long as they gave us complete artistic and lyrical freedom. We’ll just make a little less profit than them, in that case.”

“And they accepted without blinking? These capitalist scumbags, as long as they make a profit, don’t care about anything else.”

“Well, the rhythm has to be pop.” You roll your eyes. It’s not that you don’t like consuming pop music; on the contrary, you love it, but you feel like you don’t find yourself writing songs like that.

Even though you disagreed on some points, you agreed to do the work with Touya. Well, you hadn’t composed anything together in at least 2 years. What harm would it do to work together again? The more time you spent together, the happier you felt.

During the afternoon of that day, you barely left the room. They spent hours thinking of something to write, but nothing seemed to make a connection flow between their two minds.

“You are too melancholic!” Touya said as he read a verse of something he had thought of, a somewhat arcadian and bucolic song.

“And you’re reckless. This isn’t supposed to be one of those songs full of sexual puns and insane riffs. It’s pop!”

“Okay, let’s do this.” Touya was pacing around the room while reading what you had written, but he quickly sat down and started writing some random words on a piece of paper. “Let’s write about some common feeling. I don’t understand your desire to sing about lakes, forests and cold nights, and you clearly don’t get the Alex Turner vibe in 2013.”

Although it was an argument, every time Touya mentioned your favorite singer, an internal laugh came out of your throat. Are we really using that antisocial old man as an argument?

“Tell me. What do you feel.”

“Right now, I feel like laughing.”

“Ha, funny.” His voice was ironic with a sadistic tone, but for some reason, that made him even more attractive. And suddenly, the most present feeling in your life came to mind, which, currently, is the unconditional love for your best friend, someone you could never have. But suggesting a song about being in love with your childhood friend and life partner would sound extremely suspicious at this moment.

“What if we write something romantic?” The words came out of your mouth faster than you would have liked. Touya watched you with a raised eyebrow, seeming interested in what you had to say. “I mean… something more specific and different from the usual. What if it’s something about two people who love each other and leave it implicit, but have nothing?”

For a moment, you could swear his eyes widened, but you’re not sure.

“Pretty specific, huh?”

“Better than nothing.”

Touya didn't disagree, nor did he complain. He nodded and began to write his perspective on that particular situation. Coincidentally or not, the lyrics you both wrote were strangely similar, almost as if there was a connection between the two of you that permeated the same feeling of love. After a few adjustments and some discussions about the chorus, the song was ready.

“Isn't it good?” Touya asked. At first, you assumed he was talking to himself, but from the look of an attentive child, the question was directed at you.

“That's right. It's been a while since we've worked this well as a team, Touya.”

Strangely proud of what you had just produced, you sat next to each other and reviewed the paper you had used earlier for a while. Sure enough, after five minutes he was just holding that paper and looking at the floor while you both thought about something else.

“Where did this idea come from?”

Your heart froze for a few moments.

“Is there anything you want to tell me?”

Touya's voice wasn't his usual one. He wasn't making jokes, flirting sporadically, or annoying you. It sounded genuine.

“We're best friends, don't be afraid to talk to me about what you're feeling.”

“Touya…” Your gaze focused squarely on the turquoise eyes you knew so well. They conveyed curiosity with a touch of sadness. With that, you remembered a time in high school when there were a lot of problems at home happening, and you decided you wouldn't tell him to avoid worrying. However, when he found out what was happening with your family, he felt hurt that you hadn't told him.

“Don't you trust me? You have every right to; I can't dictate how you feel, but aren't I your best friend? Let me help you, y/n. I really like you and it's not fair that I have to see you go through all this alone.”

Since that day, you swore that you would let him know about your problems as long as he let you know about his. And so it was, until today. The only secret that, within an imaginary clause signed by yourself, would be fine if it were not shared, seems to come to light.

It was a dilemma: tell him and ruin everything with him or not tell him and eventually ruin everything with him. But you couldn't do that. You couldn't risk losing him. Your only love and your passion since forever. So, what could you do? As you watched that melanin-free eyebrow twitch in annoyance and those watery eyes stare into yours with fear, all you wanted to do was hug him, apologize and explain everything, from start to finish.

Well, maybe you would do that.

"Do you ask this because you care about me, or is there something more?" Not that it made sense, but in your completely confused mind, asking this question was a good way to go. That way, you would know better if the truth would be welcome or if a lie would prove convenient.

"Do I care? Damn, of course... Sorry. Yes, I do care. But I would also like to know if my best friend is into someone else." Todoroki’s expression looked irritated now, but embarrassed at the same time. He was hiding something too; it was obvious.

“No.” His answer was brief and sensible. No, you weren’t into someone else.

“Then where did the idea come from?” He was defensive.

“Look, Touya…” In a matter of seconds, you took a deep breath, this being the bravest act you had ever considered doing in a long time. “Just, please don’t disappear after this. If it’s too much for you, just ignore it. Don’t stop being my friend.” 

You closed your eyes to speak. 

“I’ve been in love with you since I was fifteen. I try to contain it, but I can’t. It was inevitable that I fell in love with you, just like all the girls in school did. I thought it would pass when we became adults, but this love has been growing and growing more and more ever since. Don’t tell me anything if it’s not reciprocal; I understand. Just don’t go.” 

As soon as you finished, you slowly opened your eyelids, a little afraid of finding a look of disapproval, strangeness or even disgust on Touya’s face. But, on the contrary, the soft complexion of his lips was surprised by a complex and impossible-to-escape kiss. You thought you were used to kisses and caresses, but at that moment, you realized that you had never really kissed someone. Not with this intensity. Not with this love.

After those seconds, which you wished would last centuries, Touya moved your face away from his a few centimeters. Your breathing came into harmony for a few moments, and you swear your heartbeats did, too.

After that moment, Touya went off to do his own thing while you remained in the chair, stunned. 

At least he didn't leave. And I was finally able to free myself from that burden. Even with your doubts, even with the warm sensation of Touya's lips on yours still present, you held back and said nothing about it. After all, you asked him not to say anything in case the feeling wasn't reciprocal. 

That night, everything seemed strangely ordinary, as if nothing had happened. You sent the song to the producer, and the next day, you woke up early to record it in the studio. Still, everything happened casually. 

After recording the sound and some brief clips of the two of you, you were dismissed. What you thought would be just a few hours lasted an entire day. 

"Do you want to go get drunk at a bar?" Touya asked as soon as they left the building. "It's New York, let's enjoy it." 

Not knowing what to say, you just accepted. Although your real desire was to lie down on your bed and rethink all your life choices, perhaps talk to Touya about it and listen to his feelings too, you avoided arguments.

You entered the first bar you saw with loud music and lots of people. As usual, almost everyone recognized you two and asked for photos, autographs and live songs. It was a fun night, in a way, and even though Touya acted as if nothing had happened after the kiss, he never left your side in that bar - something he usually did. If you tried to move away, he would hold the hem of your winter jacket or squeeze your hand, forcing you to stay with him.

“Come on, Touya, sing something for us!”

It was obvious that they would ask him to sing. Your own songs didn't fit at all with the atmosphere of a bar, even with a large number of people asking you to do the same.

“Okay, but just one.” From his voice, it was clear that he was already quite drunk. Enough to accept whatever any idiot suggested to him. And, for the first time, he left your side, but not before making a signal for you to stay there, in that same position. 

When the rockstar got on the bar's cramped, improvised stage, he picked up the microphone and started speaking loudly - as if the tool's function wasn't precisely to make his voice louder.

“I know I’m going to fuck up now, but fuck it. I have something I need to say and I want all of fucking NY to hear it.” You could hear a fan whisper in your ear how high he was. “I’m not a very romantic guy, but I’ve written some passionate things, apparently for no one in particular. But, but… Yesterday, I wrote something very special with the most incredible person in the world to me. And I don’t give a fuck about the fact that the producer is going to be pissed at me. Fuck it! I’m a stupid idiot, but I’m also a passionate idiot who doesn’t know how to show feelings. So, y/n, listen, but if you want, come sing too. I also wrote this song thinking about you.” 

Your ears hurt from the sound the people in the bar made. They were screaming with happiness and jumping as if the declaration had been made for them. But it wasn’t. It was made for you. 

“Go, girl!” Everyone started screaming in unison, begging you to come up on stage with Touya to sing with him. And he knew you hated attention. You should know that too. However, in that split second, it didn't matter who would see it or not. Did he really say he wrote it thinking of me too?

So, you went. As you walked, the audience applauded and made room for you to pass.

When you got to Touya's side, with him handing you a microphone and a wide smile on his lips, you couldn't help but smile too. He picked up the beat of the song, which was saved on his phone from earlier that day, and let it play.

Fuck if no one understood the lyrics. Fuck if the producer got pissed off at the two of you. Nothing else mattered.

When you started singing, everything seemed to make sense, suddenly. It seemed like a distant dream that you had already dreamed of but never imagined you would achieve. And there it was. Singing your most romantic song next to the man you love. And who you now knew truly loved you too.

After the events of that night, you two almost lost your record deal for singing the song publicly without proper permission. Videos of you two are circulating around the internet, and even though that night of singing was tiring, you and Touya made sure to consummate all the excitement you've been holding back for all these years. Maybe I'll write this scene and add it later, who knows. I was inspired by Ariana Grande's song Boyfriend.

[nerdy-prude]

Yeah, I should be reading for a test so here are some Hatchetfield headcanons:

1. Charlotte absolutely listens to rock music. Whenever she gets really stressed she says she will go outside to listen to some calming music. Bill always asumed Charlotte listens to classical music. He bought her headphones for her birthday and almost had a heart attackt when he once walked past her and heard "Highway to hell" blasting trought the headphones.

2. Paul secretly like bubblegum ice cream

3. Emma doesn't like to admit it, but she was fourteen when she learned that no, chocolate milk doesn not in fact, come from brown cows. Ted has not yet realised this, which is (a very big) part of the reason why Pete prefers drinking hot chocolate instead of juice when his blood sugar is low. It's just too funny of an opportunity to pass by.

4. Harmony Jones (the Green peace girl) and Woman are cousins.

[oceanlipgloss]

MEAT SHOP

BEELZEBUB.

+ warnings: dark themes, erotic hues, graphic descriptions of horror and gore, inclusion of vore, strong language.

+ female mc, feminine pronouns.

No restaurant could ever dream of offering such buttery meat—never to be sold in any boucherie.

A precise percentage of fat. A measured amount of muscle. The perfect mix of flavours. Raw flesh softened into dough between his bloody teeth. Dead cells trickled down his smiling lips in strawberry streaks.

Her bones cracked like candy in his mouth, but she didn’t taste sweet.

A once-in-a-lifetime blend. Not flavoured like heaven. Paradise isn’t even a good thing, now is it?

Fuck, how long he had been waiting!

So close. He was so close! And yet, he was losing his fucking mind. Though God had created him a ravenous madman, sanity was still slipping through his feverish fingers and down his trembling hands. Like oil and grease.

There was no time to cut the cake. No time, no time, no time. None at all! None whatsoever. He had to rip a bite out of her.

No, no, no, no.

Hold it.

This is an only chance. Jackpot. A once-in-a-lifetime meal, remember? Even if it wasn’t a full course, lunch, breakfast, or so much as a snack.

He can never indulge in this grade of meat anymore.

Somewhere, in an insignificant corner of his scattering mind, the thought made him sad. What a shame it is for such exquisite food to never be enjoyed again.

Later, later. As for now!

Should he swallow her whole or rip flesh and bone apart first? Choke down meat or savour flavour? Lick blood or drink plasma?

In the end, he didn’t take the time to peel smooth skin back like he would have done with chocolate wrappers.

He couldn’t do it.

Not too long ago he had sent her an invitation into his bathtub. Locked up her hot body between his legs. With every kiss fabric melted off.

What a dirty human. He could smell the fucking arousal on her.

Dumb, clueless bitch.

Everything had to be just right. He did not want to miss the burst of even one particular cell. He hadn’t wanted to risk watering down the palate. So there were no flowers. There was no water. Nothing. Just pristine enamel. And him. It was empty.

His lips had kissed her shoulder softly.

And then his teeth had bitten down.

Gentle.

Hard.

Harder still.

He had torn away a piece of her.

What do humans say?

Oh, but of course.

‘Bon apetit!’

The tub overflowed with blood. Fetid burgundy burst under his weight and pooled onto the bathroom floor.

No difference between candied cherries and blood clots. Ligaments and tendons. Flecks of flesh and bits of bone. Broken fingers and curled toes. Cartilage that’s hard, but much softer than stone. He devoured them all, polished stains off glossy marble.

No crime scene or slaughterhouse could have compared.

His smile shone. He felt a little bit empty. Was it regret? Well, it’s too late! Such pleasure is worth every regret in the world. His guts ached in longing under his grimy nails. So good, though not yet full.

How he wanted more!

He adored the putrid pain, the harmonious flavour, the very gore.

So little remained of her...she couldn’t even be called a corpse.

No more. Not in any meat shop.

Once was not enough.

With trembling fingertips and a strange, twisted love, he stroked the girl’s skull.

Oh, you stupid little human, you.

If only there were more of you.

+tag: @/kanatashinkaifr does a gory jumpscare sound good to u? :P

+notes: Beel is very much thriller material. There is a cold-blooded, unstable part of him. A true gluttony incarnate—lusting for flesh, eating all there is, leaving nothing behind. No matter what resides in his heart and who the victim is, he's a devil and his sin continues to rule him. Even if he does manage to resist eating MC, his desire to devour her is a flame that still burns. Inspired by the in-game screenshots in this post.

This, my people, was a dark pleasure to write. Blood and meat, dear peeps ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I want to write more stuff like this in the future. I kid you not, I almost felt free for a minute. *Rubbing hands like a villain fly* hail horror, hail gore!

+ MASTERLIST

+ AO3 POST

©𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙖𝙣𝙡𝙞𝙥𝙜𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨

[fangirlingfromdownunder]

A Sweet Mishap - Chapter 1

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Reader 

A/N: Long time no post! Sorry for the lengthy hiatus! If you read my Christmas Advent stories then you may be familiar with this story already, however, I've been working hard to turn it into a longer fic and as such a few things have changed (including the POV, hence the reposts). I hope you enjoy! Let me know if you want me to start a taglist for this fic.

A Sweet Mishap Masterlist | Main Masterlist

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

The Christmas pay is great, but dealing with the influx of customers – everyone in a rush to get their Christmas shopping and preparations finished – sucks. I’m well into the morning rush having made to my best estimate near a hundred coffees in just a few hours. I’m already exhausted and sick of people; many of whom have short tempers due to needing their daily caffeine hit ASAP. Somewhere around the 30th coffee I burnt my hand on the steamer and it has been in pain since, but I need the money so I ignore it and push on. Not that I’d have time to dwell on the pain even if I wanted to; the orders just keep piling up. 

Peppermint Mocha Latte with extra whipped cream and crushed candy canes.

Gingerbread Latte with a sprinkle of cinnamon on top.

Chestnut Praline Frappuccino with caramel drizzle.

White Chocolate Peppermint Hot Chocolate with marshmallows.

Winter Wonderland White Hot Chocolate with white chocolate syrup.

Almond Joy Latte with coconut and almond flavours.

And so on and so on into oblivion. Maybe it’s my fault for choosing to work in a cafe that prides itself on its range of festive flavours. But despite the exhaustion, I serve every drink with a smile and never-dwindling love for the holidays. 

My steady pace and rhythm are jolted by my coworker getting into my personal space. “Come on, (Y/N)! It’s time to switch, I can’t keep weaving through these crowds with hot drinks and dishes! I need space! Please!”

I add the finishing touches to the drink I’m currently working on and then nod at her. “Fine. I’ll deliver this one and go from there. Just start from the next hot chocolate there,” I nod at the list of order notes stuck on the metal shelf above the coffee machine as I carefully lift the full mug off the bench. 

She nods enthusiastically, pulls a new, clean mug off the stack and gets started. I take the fancy hot chocolate out to table 5 as per the order card. My coworker and I fall into perfect harmony quickly. She makes drinks and I deliver them seamlessly until a tall, well-built guy comes bursting through the doors straight in front of my well-worn path causing me to dump an entire Peppermint Mocha Latte on him. The mug and saucer shatter on the tiles by his feet as my hands immediately cover my mouth to hide my embarrassment. But the shock quickly wears off as I jump into action, gathering napkins to wipe the mess while I apologise profusely. I don’t even look up at his face as I continue to attempt to clean out the stain. 

“I am so so sorry! Whatever you want is on the house, I’ll cover it all. New shirt and jacket even. It’s all on me. I am so sorry, sir,” I ramble as I continue dabbing at the mess. 

Noticing everyone’s eyes on the two of us and customers starting to get restless, he wraps his hands around my wrists to make me stop and look at him properly. “It’s no problem, really. It’s all good. I wanted a reason to buy a new shirt anyway.”

“Please, at least let me get you a coffee to go then.”

“To go?” He questions.

“Yeah, so you can go change.”

“But you did such a good job cleaning me up.” A blush sneaks onto my cheeks at his words. I hear my coworker calling from behind the counter. “Sounds like you need to get back. Just surprise me with something when you get your break. But make sure you’re the one that makes and delivers it,” he says with a wink as he releases his grip on my wrists. 

I quickly compose myself as I rush over to grab a broom and mop to clean up the mess as my coworker attempts to manage the impatient customers. 

After about half an hour, the morning rush finally starts to die down and the afternoon shift arrives for handover. I finish adding some whipped cream, chocolate powder and marshmallows on top of the white and milk chocolate peppermint mocha lattes and then untie my dirty apron. Thanking my coworkers I take the two festive mugs to the table in the corner where the now dry man is waiting patiently reading a newspaper. I place them down carefully on the table causing him to look up.

“I was starting to think you forgot,” he says.

“You kidding me? I still feel so bad, but it gets so busy here during the holidays.”

He takes a sip of the drink closest to him and then says, “I can see why. I’m used to straight black coffee, but I can get on board with this.”

As I go to take a sip from the other mug, a bright flash from outside the window causes me to spill my drink all over the table and myself. Looking in the direction of the flash, the man jumps into action. He passes me some napkins and stands up.

“That’s my fault. Should’a known word would get out if I stayed here this long. That’s my fault,” he says apologetically.

I dab at my now, evenmore stained shirt and say, “I guess now we’re even.”

He slides a coaster across the table with a few more napkins. “I’m so sorry.”

He shrugs his jacket on and walks away. After a second, I regain my senses and go to call out and stop him but the door’s already closing behind him. I look down at the coaster and see a phone number written in neat handwriting. With a sigh, I slip it into my pocket and smile.