#Horrible Things We Say May
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Horrible Things We Say May - 12
"I had not yet spindled my vast, incomprehensible being into something resembling your earth human"
15th Dr Nyarlathotep, dancing at the club/among the stars.
Non-eldritch version here
#art#fan art#my art#doctor who#dr nyarlathotep#fifteenth doctor#15th doctor#animation#eldritch#horrible things we say may
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Welcome to the start of 'Horrible Things we Say May," the art month where I illustrate all the wild nonsense that my friends and I say on a regular basis. Welcome also to the start of my NSFW sideblog, 6-and-9, where I'll be putting up my more salacious pictures! Hope you enjoy this first prompt, from the apt quote "tits time."
Uncensored version
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There's something about like. A certain genre of posts / Online Opinions about insecurity/depression/misery/complaints that are so unhelpful that they wrap right around to being straight up hilarious. and it's the ones that are more or less written to the tone of "Feeling bad? That's gross!" Like, just so you know, don't voice your insecurities/ have low self esteem, because that's offputting! You're gross and weird. Don't be insecure about that, though. That would be stupid if you felt insecure about people disliking you for being insecure. Not attractive. You should be thinking about being as attractive as possible. You shouldn't make comments about suicide, even if you're suicidal! Keep those thoughts entirely to yourself. Make sure nobody around you knows you're thinking about this. It would Make Them Uncomfortable. It's better to keep these thoughts in your head where they can fester. Don't post OR talk to friends with complaints about you feeling miserable or depressed. Tbh people who are sad/upset a lot? Kinda a red flag! You are probably miserable because you're a bad person and you've brought this on yourself. If you don't have friends, it's because you're awful to be around. Easy! Solved the problem for you. And no, there is no nuance to this, got it? So, make sure to feel bad about feeling bad, but don't feel bad about it, because, well, that's just gross. And annoying! You might've wanted your brain rotted thoughts to be Peer Reviewed, you might have just needed to vent- you might've been hoping for some comfort, to get things off your chest. Well, don't! Don't talk about thoughts or feelings that are negative with your friends, you'd be burdening them and that's only meant for THERAPY. #SponsoredbyBetterHelp #MentalHealth like, DAMN. that's so helpful. you're so good at helping. I um really liked the part where these are all hard and fast rules that encourage keeping feelings bottled up and keeping your friends at arm's length. That's really funny of you.
#I FEEL LIKE COMPLAINING RN in the context of this alternate universe these posts live in. that makes me evil rn. I may not even keep#the post up. but I Needed to complain about these bc I hate seeing them#really funny and good because it very much feeds into that part of the brain where you go wait am I stupid? am I horrible? am I annoying?#before you express any kind of personal feelings. from feeling insecure alll the way down the spectrum to feeling like your life is over#before anyone How Dare You Say We Piss On The Poor-s at me YES there is a nuanced version of this#which is. you can make someone feel like shit (A Fellow Sufferer Of The Mental Eelnesses) by using them as your dumping ground#in excess and usually with no regard for how they feel and without Regular conversations inbetween#and in a one-sided way where they can't do the same and complain with you as a sounding board in return#don't tell new friends you hardly know abt THE MOST personal shit you can possibly think of. there are steps being skipped here#right? we know this. we all know it. setting a boundary is a thing. overwhelming a person is a thing#on the other hand there is such a thing as a friend who IS okay to listen and wants to help. and friends who relate.#maybe talking abt personal stuff makes ppl feel closer sometimes. just a thought! maybe not everything is Emotional Labor. maybe just maybe#but like come on. these are almost intentionally unhelpful posts#long post
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I won't promise it'll be okay, regardless of what happens over the next few days, but I can promise the outcome is navigable.
#us elections#2024 us elections#also while the presidential race isnt over until it's over#there has already been some great news re: state measures#and those have palpable impact it's just no one (least of all americans) knows how the american government works#so theyre conflated with other things and get less press#but theyre real and substantive#anyway.#all of this to say: it's literally not going to be over tonight and there will be days of uncertainty#the outcome may be horrible and the best case scenario is pyrrhic#but we tuck and roll anyway#the green light isnt real it's a metaphor#it's that we strive for meaning that creates meaning#it's that we strive for beauty that creates beauty#it's that we strive for righteousness and justice and humanity that creates the same#curse bless me now with your fierce tears i pray#do not go gentle into that good night#rage rage against the dying of the light
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I literally woke up in the middle of the night like God will dark rise is so fucking screwed. The line that’s like. “Everyone wanted to kill the Dark King.” What’s the part where he looks at Violet helplessly, haunted, almost pleading for mercy? But of course he reveals nothing of substance to anyone. Elizabeth is too young to understand but the reader knows what “Her relationship with that boy was…unnatural” can mean. Tying him to bedposts? Failing to strangle him? What else? Never not even once seeing beyond a mythological identity Will himself didn’t know he had? What did he think was the reason? That he was just intrinsically hateful? Of course he says nothing. Of course Violet can’t trust him- he’s given her nothing as painfully real as what she’s given him. So he gives her the sword hoping at least he can die at the hands of someone he loved, but even that doesn’t work out - she gives the sword to a Visander still furious at SARCEAN. The pattern continues; no one looks at Will, who vomits when he realizes what’s happened to James, Will who is much of a liar and killer and sneak as Elizabeth accuses but nonetheless wants to be different. Even when he doesn’t remember his own past. There’s no way out for him that doesn’t hurt. Hope this obsession passes soon given the one and a half years of waiting required for book 3
#dark rise series#dark heir#rarely does a cliffhanger pain me so much#bc rarely am I ever THAT invested in a plot I am sad to say#nona the ninth was so cathartic in of itself I’m content marinating before alecto#BUT PACAT ONLY EVER GIVES EMOTIONAL CRUMBS#have any of these bitches ever known peace fr#maybe this is what reading princes gambit and not immediately having the follow up might’ve been like#honestly it’s possibly damen and Lauren just generally had less problems tho#more than his relationship even with James. will/Violet is perhaps the genuine source of like. I WISH HED GIVEN HER A REASON.#the narration that describes Violet as Will’s star in the night…….. like fuck fine#will can’t reach any level of genuine intimacy with James bc the mess of fraught noncon dynamics is this massive unspoken horrible thing#wills identity is personal w James in a way it is with no one else but James is so fucking oblivious of undercurrents it comes unbalanced#and will knows it. but (as far as we know) violet isn’t reborn has no history with sarcean the dark king she’s literallt just Some Guy#and that almost makes it worse???????? that they are so loyal to each other even as he’s keeping a massive secret?#they weren’t dated or destined to entangle the way will is w characters like James and Katherine#and I think that makes his rship with Violet possibly the realest and truest experience of trust and love will has ever had#like it’s nothing bro. truly she knows nothing about him other than his lies of omission and her faith in him goodness which may or may not#beiltimately justified. but that was probably as honest and close will ever got to anyone. and him to her.
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I have not posted any of my analysis to reddit yet and I think I might just post it and ghost it. I've already spent too much time looking at other people's threads on there to feel any way good about interacting with folks.
I already went in an added the "I know you're going to bring this up let me save you the time" section which is exclusively touching on the frequent topics of:
"well what about the fingerprint nostrum and finger mimics? He is clearly just a crackpot"
And
"it's definitely some weird elaborate sacrifice to Metyr thing"
#if he's drinking hallucinogenic tea in his free time genuinely good for him. whatever man. i just do not think either of those items are-#at all relevant to the quest especially the nostrum because it is a placebo medicine and aint nothing fake about this shit#also i think theres a distinction between becoming fingers vs wanting to replace metyr? idk like as ive said i think he thinks he's-#better than the fingerweavers and rightfully so#like please come to a new conclusion other than “man this guy is on drugs”#also girl... metyr doesnt need sacrifices. like? where is that textually or in set design? metyr wants us to leave her the fuck alone#she's minding her own business EVERY TIME WE SPAWN INTO HER ZONE#like why are people so desperate for everything to have a dark undercurrent? not everything has to be some dark disney ass shit#��actually finding nemo is a hallucination & Marlin is insane & nemo is dead that movie is actually super fucked up & dory is a grim reaper”#like im sorry but this is how this extra shit all feels to me#like it is already fucked up and miserable?#is he 100% a good person? like thats genuinely person to person. theres personal gain from the quest#and hes definitely very good at getting what he wants#manipulate manifest mother#tail fingers on the vision board#devon yaps#and yap I did#like I don't want to be a bitch because yeah we should genuinely celebrate other peoples theories and hcs in these games#but i dont think “lol this guy is just on drugs” is one of those things#because i like spooky theories if theyre backed up.#but to say “its this weirdly horrible thing and youre all wrong” especially in his context is not great to me#Sorry. like may my own arrogance strike me down like the scholar i think i am 😤 farewell#because again its coming down to meeting this narrative without preconceived bias and most of the reddit stuff feels like-#“he is fucked up. won't say why. but i bet you know why i actually think this 🤫🤫🤫” like just you cant wrap your brain around guy mom#i do really want to reiterate this is about reddit shit. like i am so into people who love his character but interpret him more sinister💕😚#truly eating that shit up
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"delusions/mania/psychosis doesnt make you says/do/believe X" they literally can tho. ppl who have delusions or are experiencing manic/psychotic episodes would never normally say/do/believe the things that make up delusions. psychosis makes people VERY susceptible to believing things that are not true. thats like....one of the most common symptoms. thats what makes them DELUSIONS. come on guys
#vanilla talks#i thought we all agreed that delusions can make u believe things that are not true. like this is basic knowledge#delusions/psychosis are NOT indicative of a persons actual beliefs or character.#yes this includes people who act out violently.#if u want to hold ppl accountable for the harmful things they say/do while psychotic do it AFTER theyve returned to baseline#and most importantly be patient and understanding. know that ppl are not in their right mind while experiencing delusions#and while that does not invalidate any potential harm they may have caused to others#it does NOT mean that person is inherently horrible or that they WANT to hurt others.#youre allowed to be hurt and hold ppl accountable without kicking mentally ill ppl while theyre down is all im trying 2 say.
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I swear to god, if me and Michelle end up in an honest to god relationship I'm selling the fucking rights (to myself) and getting it made into a million dollar blockbuster movie (forcing my otp at the time to live through the 400k word slowburn I fear I may be trapped in)
#panda posts#michelle#she confessed to the girl she had a crush on (thea) and got rejected (i am genuinely flabbergasted)#and michelle said she could accept being rejected she just didn't want to lose thea as a friend but now thea is ghosting her and to try and#comfort her i said 'i want you to know i'm here for you and also to promise that you're stuck with me for life at this point and you're#never getting rid of me ever' and she responds back with 'i am more than okay with being stuck with you for the rest of my life Sammi'#followed immediately by 'til death do us part' SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPPPPPPP#SHUT UPPPPPP I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT MISS 'LETS GET MARRIED IF WE'RE BOTH SINGLE AT 40'#MISS 'LETS HAVE A CODE WORD SO WE CAN FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER WITHOUT IT BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY'#(that one may have been my idea actually i shouldn't put that on her)#MISS 'EVERY TIME I SEE A SUNSET I THINK OF YOU'#MISS 'A QUEER PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP? ISN'T THAT WHAT WE ARE?'#SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPP#anyways i do not have romantic feelings for her though we would make a horrible romantic couple#but uhhhhhhhh subtle foreshadowing or whatever it is they keep saying on tiktok#who the fuck knows#going to tag this with#panda pines#because it feels like it should go there#waiting for the hilarious news to break that thea has had a crush on me the whole time and me and michelle were in another sorta love#triangle thing which i think would be hilarious#not really but also yes
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me: governance and operations are separate for some important reasons, like x and y. this is not just the case at our institution, but at any institution that has a board of governors.
students who are trying to get me to intervene in operations: it's very strange that you would say governance and operations are separate! we don't like this, and therefore you must be wrong about it.
both of these students are in the process of phds, which i think is proof that you don't need to have reading comprehension to get an advanced degree in the humanities.
#i spent five days crafting a gentle email explaining my position without commenting on the legitimacy of their accusations against staff#which they took less than 30 minutes to respond to in a very incoherent screed#that conflated 'when i was a student rep to the board i felt that i wasn't taken seriously'#with 'it's weird to say that student reps represent students to the board'#hilariously this guy wasn't taken seriously because he neither showed up to meetings nor had anything substantive to contribute when he did#the one thing of value he contributed was something multiple board members took up and advocated for on his behalf#my email: in reviewing policy we may adopt a multi-stakeholder approach that would include student voices#their email: we think it's horrible that no one ever thinks of student voices! you can't make policy without us!#my email: complaints against the Director of X go to me. complaints against the Principal of Y go to this other guy#their email: we want to launch a complaint against the principal of x#no such position exists but alright then#having heard about the situation in which they have appointed themselves the Voice of the Students from multiple perspectives#including student perspectives#they have no grounds for a formal complaint and in fact have been treated with extraordinary generosity by all the non-students involved#but nobody will promise to adopt the strategy these 2 students think is best#(we're in a stage of policy review for the relevant policies and these students have received multiple promises to duly consider their inpu#but unless i get my way i will continue to throw a tantrum!!!#GPOY#i have been chair of this fucking board for two months.#they are so damn lucky they are not interacting with the previous chair#who would have shut them down immediately and forgotten about it two minutes later
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sleepy... (totally didn't stay up playing f.f8 because I have a crush)
#that's exactly what i did.#ash rambles 💚#i uh. may or may not have a massive crush on s.eifer a.lmasy#okay listen i know he's an asshole but#👉👈 what if we kissed?#i dont think he and ash get together until post-canon though. ash is one of the party members and is absolutely not interested in dating the#man she's fighting#... even if they used to be classmates and she secretly thought he was soooo handsome#post-canon though methinks they're a very loving couple. im not done with the game yet but i do think he'd try to be better#he may do questionable things but i know he's not a horrible guy. ash is very supportive of him!#... also she has secretly always wanted to get close to him so she can hold his gunblade.#f.f8 ash fights with two guns and is a massive weapon nerd so!! gunblade!!!! she thinks the concept is all ?? since it doesn't actually fire#but... whenever he wields it... she thinks it's the coolest thing ever#UGH I HATE HIM#(that is a lie. i have been talking about kissing him every single say since i caught feelings)#my humble apologies to my pals since i know i havent talked about anything else but 😳😳😳 he's handsome or whatever#stupid idiot s.eifer... i wanna kiss him sooo bad
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Horrible Things We Say May - 22 "So this episode is called 'The Krotons' --" "How many jokes are there about calling them Croutons?" "Not enough."
#Horrible Things We Say May#art#fan art#my art#doctor who#the krotons#second doctor#yes this is a reference to the official doctor who cookbook
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idk what to do about the 4s man. They're either really whiny manipulators and groomers (4 -> 2) or they are bona fide psychopaths (4 -> 1 false security) or they are an ungodly combination of both.
In fiction I've seen good examples of 4s but in reality I struggle not to blame them for all the world's problems. There are reasons.
#Don't make me say it don't make me say it#ISRAEL is what happens when people lose touch with holy origin#On top of this I've just never met a 4 who didn't turn out to be a horrible person#Totally self absorbed fake deep turning everyone they claim to love into a degrading caricature#Controlling the identities of everyone close to them and seeing it as betrayal if you don't let them be dictators of who you are#And/or if you don't feed their first world navel gazing delusions. About how they're trans or non binary or how they have superpowers#All of this Whilst playing the victim of the world#My friend suggested once that the purpose of 4s is to create suffering in this realm and teach us all what suffering is#Couldn't agree more lol. Enneatypes are all a construct of the matrix anyways#And the whole reason this matrix exists is so we can learn what suffering in a predator / prey world is#So there has to be 4s#I mean I can see the evil of all types but none are quite as cancerous and malignant 4#Another thing I notice with 4s is their brand of evil is particularly about worshipping the matrix#Like... theirs is the evil that makes you identify with the roles you are playing in the simulation as if it's your true self#They all get so triggered by real spiritualism which sees infinite possibilities for who you could be (as opposed to seeing fate / destiny)#Real spiritualism sees that all is one and we are everything all at once and our current identity is just a costume we're wearing#They dismiss that reality as stupid 7 talk#All is one is also 9 talk... 9s who they worship their broken ideal of... But anyways#The need to believe one has a fixed rigid identity they can never change is most intense in 4s#There is a real resistance of anything which may transform them#Because to 4s a transformation is seen as a betrayal of my True Self tm#Which the 4 doesn't realize isn't a true self... It's an artificial self-image you've constructed and trapped urself in#I'm keen to meet good 4s but I still believe there is something specially worse about 4 evil compared to everyone else's evil#Hey you guys got what you wanted you really are special#Anyways I do believe we have something innately unique about us on a spirit / soul level. and seeking what that is is important#But no 4 I've ever met is close to capturing what that is#They're too caught up in shallow worldly indicators of identity. They are always mistaking our worldly costumes for our essence.#Then strutting around like geniuses who are more enlightened than everyone. It's quite disgusting
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this fandom really need to remember that liking villains is perfectly valid as long as people don't go around excusing morally-wrong behaviors.
i mean I'm hesitant to say things like "make sure you're not excusing morally wrong behaviors!" because. it's just like. an annoying attitude to have, like people don't want to have to post about their favorite blorbo War Crimes Mcgee with a paragraph long "DISCLAIMER: AS A FAN OF WAR CRIMES MCGEE, I DO NOT CONDONE WAR CRIMES NOR EXCUSE HIS ACTIONS" and also that is an annoying fandom culture to have to live in. like sometimes it's fun to just be like "haha yeah it was hot and sexy and cool when that villain killed all those people"
but like. everyone has their line in the sand for what's "too far" for a fictional character right? and everyone's is different, but for me and most people absolute no goes are things that feel, too real? I guess? like. racism, homophobia, domestic abuse, etc. are things that are always too far for me to continue liking a character. it's gross and unsatisfying to watch, these are things you're pretty likely to deal with in real life based on your personal life experience, and there’s really overall no way for it to be an enjoyable thing in the story right? but just generic murder is NOT most people's line in the sand
which is why like. there's a difference to me between b1lly stans and henry creel stans. like I just find henry stans annoying because of their lack of commitment mostly. they're all like "actually I theorize that he DIDN'T murder those people" BORING. say he did and you find it hot and sexy idc. also I don't find henry that interesting so by extension I'm not interested in the fanclub. but there’s nothing that actually grosses me out about him having a fanclub, because the murder is fictional and telekinetic and inseparable from the supernatural plot like I'm never going to run into a man who's actually murdered people with his mind and I'm DEFINITELY never going to run into people who hear about real not fictional telekinetic child murder and decide he's cool and sexy and also didn't do it or whatever
but b1lly. well. b1lly is a very real type of violence. there's lots of racist abusers and there’s lots of people who defend them so I just. can't get behind it at all. you DO have a point though that it would maybe be marginally better if they'd at least ADMIT that he'd done this shit lol
so yeah this isn't to say that like. someone's favorite character and how they talk about them is NEVER a red flag, but "this is my favorite character Child Murderer Jones, he murders children and gleefully boasts about all the child murder on screen, and I love him very much and have edited him with cat ears" is fairly standard fandom behavior and not worth moralizing, imo. and sometimes this fandom gets a little puritan about fairly standard fandom behavior
#like. do you know how many fandoms I've been in where “the murder was hot” is the normal take? imagine if we all acted crazy about that lmao#another thing I think contributing to how weird I find a character fanclub is will be something like#what other parts of the story you have to ignore for it#like b1lly stans kind of have to entirely ignore lucas and max's storylines for that shit lmao#and having no sympathy or interest in the story of a black kid dealing with antagonistic white men#or the girl dealing with horrible abuse is pretty gross#but like. henry stans don't really have the same problem bc again. it's a bunch of fake supernatural child murder#also disclaimer fandom isn't activism and hating b1lly isn't the end all be all of activism#but there ARE certain characters in media where I do actively think worse of you for liking them#and I do think it's a sign you need to examine some internal bias#also I apologize for bringing up b1lly that may come across like I read your ask as also referring to him#I didn't really I just also mentioned him in the tags that this is about. so like#especially bc you say “villain” and I feel like that's too fun of a word for him#like “villain” makes me think of fun larger than life fantastical criminals#b1lly is just a very real asshole dickwad#ask#anon#this got a little rambly I didn't mean for that to happen
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past 5 days. hmm
#spent it all w my gf. it was nice :)#we did the margiela shirt kiss pattern on her ysl shirt . spent like a significant amt of this time kissing her#literally @ppl w vertical labrets w chains attached. do u know the power u hold. also a bunch of other stuff happened i dont wanna#share too much bc theyre nice private moments but anyway we r both like. dying a bit bc#im leaving in less than 1 week and i may just literally never come back bc of the political situation there#like you have to accept risk of. death. etc. and i literally had to tell her to like not say she loves me not be affectionate etc until#over text until i explicitly tell her to bc ik its safe since im going somewhere where gay ppl are killed for the funsies#but theres a chance i wont get to tell her that at all and also that i will have such horrible Internet#connection that i wont be able to talk to her for a while. anyway we needed to have this convo bc i didnt want her to like#be unaware of certain things bc that would be unfair but also i didnt want her to worry which i think#shes very worried but mostly its like. why now of all times in the world this is so unfair#like i feel like not seeing nor talking much for a month or so is bound to not be very good for us . idk im worried#anyway the past few days were good#[chroma blue]
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i think something we need to consider now from all of the new star war series being put out is that yes order 66 was a monumental horrific event that changed everything but like anakin wasn’t actually all that efficient or good at it
#like????#we now know that there were younglings that survived and then grew up to fuck around with darth vader for revenge#im just saying is all#i may love anakin but he did do horrible things i can admit that#star wars#order 66#anakin skywalker#darth vader
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another vent, don't mind me. just need to get things out
#vent#don't mind me#i think i may be developing postpartum depression and anxiety#which yes. i had an appointment with the midwife today to talk about it and we have a plan#but having a plan doesn't get rid of the feeling that i'm drowning#i just feel like all of it is too much. everything. i can barely get myself to feel excited about things right now#i look at my son and want to cry because i feel like i'm failing him. and my husband is being such a great support and assures me i'm not#he says that as long as i'm trying my best i'm not failing him. and i am. i really am trying my best. but it doesn't feel like enough#my husband seems to be doing the majority of baby care and i can barely manage to change a diaper right now#i'm here taking a bath and trying not to sob while he's out there watching the baby and seems perfectly content#i can't sleep without having a nightmare that something happened to my son. not even a nap. and that anxiety transfers to my awake hours#i broke down sobbing today and my husband had to calm me down because i could barely breathe#i just don't know what to do. i have a tiny human relying on me and i'm not even producing enough breastmilk to feed him#i don't regret having him. he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. but i hate feeling like this. like i'm failing horrible mom#i just don't know what to do anymore
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