#Hope to achieve it someday
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"So whats one of your biggest dreams as an artist?"
Me: " I want someone to take as much art of one of my aus as they can and put it in a YouTube video AMV style"
"You-"
#Anyone else emember those “au tributes” with images stolen off of pinterest#Mostly the Bendy mafia aus with lone digger in the bg#Because I do#They don't make em like that anymore#Anyways here's one of my osbcure dreams#Hope to achieve it someday#Hope someday that some young artist who has no access to social media can just watch amvs with my stolen art to get inspired#Just like i did#doodles rants
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i totally didnt forget to add narinder's robe tassles in one of these what r u talking abt. u see nothing.
also sharing a mini no context illust for my au... :3
#the cotl backgrounds r so beautiful i hope to achieve that someday#cotl#cult of the lamb#narilamb#true devotion#narinder#the one who waits#my art
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Sometimes I think about a fictional character and get all grr grr bark bark bark about them and get super excited to see them, so I think I'm not actually ace.
Then I remember that other people actually want to have sex with those characters and aren't just using sexy & fuckable as terms to describe how much they like that character's face and want them to be fucked by other people, and it makes me believe that I'm Ace again.
#shout out tp my allo moots and followers#i hope yalls most fuck-worthy characters teleport to our universe and yall get to achieve your dreams someday#ace#acespec#nbc hannibal#will graham#hannibal lecter#asexuality
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im showing my friend clanker the awesome six eggs and single ice key i found today
#happy easter clanker#for the past three days ive just been playing banjo kazooie for fun#ended originally with a time of 8:22:12#but that changed when i wanted to try getting the stop n swop stuff for the first time on my copy of banjo#so the final time is 9:32:33#i forgot how much i disliked rusty bucket bay. good lord that engine room and stinky bad water#every other level was fine. though i got so confused at first as to what jiggy i was missing in click clock woods#it was just the one on the branch at the very top of the tree. i wouldve never found it had i not looked it up#notes and honeycombs though? did those purely from memory#jiggies too i guess minus the single 1 out of 100#which i think is better than what i was hoping to achieve playing without a guide#i didnt get all mumbo tokens though. i DID get the ones you could easily lose if done wrong though.#i need 7 more mumbo tokens basically to reach 100%#i was also very tempted to 100% gruntys furnace fun (i.e. all squares) but. at a point i was like ''hm. no lets not''#maybe someday. just not then.#i managed to blind guess a lot of grunty questions though#only talked to her sister like. once. and i didnt get any of those questions on the quiz#oh yknow whats fucked up? that one shortcut between rusty bucket bay and mad monster mansions puzzle#you cant break the gate for it if you raise the water level too high#also it took me until today to learn that CheatO's cheats are upgrades and not... cheats#fucked up. but i didnt have too much problems without it. <- he died to grunty once only cause he got knocked off the tower#anyway sorry for the strange photo quality. played on my n64 on an old crt ive had. and i only have a lamp on in my room.#its not as dark as it looks in the image atleast#i also learned that banjo kazooie has way more cheats than i ever knew about#before collecting all the stop n swop stuff. i gave myself the infinite air underwater cheat cause. god.#its so nice to swim around with any anxiety. mostly just used it to swim with clanker for a bit. :).#didnt need it for any other reasons. i done collected everything else girlies#though kid me used a lot of cheat codes in tooie. only because i had a magazine that had all the codes#i 100%'d that one a few years ago i think. jiggies atleast. i think.#anyway. :) clanker
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Officially dropping CSM I am free
#I ain’t even gonna PEAK at the new chapter dawg nah uh#sorry Denji I hope you achieve happiness in life someday#csm
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Yall got asks? :]
#slight tangent abt my life remembering how I swore up and down that the last thing i want to be is a graphic designer creating logos….#yet here I am now planning to persue a career following that path (nothing wrong w my graphic/logo designer girlies btw)#im trying to build a portfolio but tbh i kinda want to persue being a comic book artist#i mean i technically am but perusing it as a career choice#i wanted to be a video game concept artist but alas…i feel like those dreams where dashed tho i dont want to lose hope yet#thats a big dream and achievement tbh that i still hope to be one someday#but yaur <3#txt
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on top of everything else, that old man hates to see true love win.
#i can't believe how bad that match was wow. how was alcaraz the only one to lose to djokovic in straight sets#rune and hubi died for this smh#pour one out for the sincaraz final that is not to be :(#it's going to happen someday soon but i wanted it to happen nooooow#the tennis tag#on the (nonexistent) bright side beating djokovic twice to the win the atp finals would be a towering achievement#jannik sinner i hope you knew what you were doing when you beat holger
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beat my monday nyt record by 23 seconds!!!!
#3m44 babey!#and to think i was just hoping someday i could get it under 4 minutes !#also this time i did read all the clues (though only partially read some of them) while i think last time i set a personal record#i achieved that by skipping some of the clues#i am too powerful. (i know there are people who can do it in under 3 minutes but shhhh we're not talking about them today)#it's so funny to keep getting 4m12 4m13 then one single time get 4m07#and all of a sudden i get 23 seconds faster?? how did that happen?#i am going to blame it on will shortz as is my wont#cruciverbs
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plot twst (heheh) ending
after everything rollo ends up as a die hard simp for malleus and raven
maybe he even ships them when he finds out they’re not in fact related
[Related Posts: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8]
We skipped over the battle atop the bell tower part 😂 and immediately went to the resolution--
WELL. Seeing as how Rollo still seems super resentful and stubborn about his beliefs even by the time of the masquerade 🤡 probably not?? Maybe a burgeoning, begrudging smidgen of respect for stopping him before he did something unspeakable, something that would make his departed brother sad--even if he doesn’t openly or explicitly acknowledge that.
Malleus pressures Rollo into having a dance with him, so maybe the prince could pass him off to Raven afterwards (who’s dancing with Sebek--).
Something like...
“Pardon, may I cut in?” Malleus inquires, nodding towards his flustered knight.
“M-Milord wishes to share a dance?! OH, JOYOUS DAY!!” Beads of glistening tears collect in Sebek’s eyes. “B-But of course, that is not to say that I also do not enjoy dancing with Milady!! NOT AT ALL!!”
“You’ve been acting quite strangely this entire time,” Raven grumbles, relinquishing her grasp on Sebek. “He’s all yours, Malleus-senpai--”
Her voice fades away when she takes a look at Malleus’s partner--at the cold, pale hand slipping into hers. The diamond-cut jewel upon his middle finger catches a ray of glitter-cut moonlight and comes to life like a dancing flame. Raven’s heart jumps.
“... Miss.” Rollo’s tone is as pointed as glass. His eyebrows are creased with displeasure. “May I have this dance?”
Raven glances helplessly at Malleus. “Is Silver-senpai or Rook-senpai avaliable?” she squeaks.
He folds his arms, his expression turning stern. “Young Crowley, you must not waver. Let your conviction be known. For your words to be heard, and for them to resonate with those who need it most... That is what you desire most of all, is it not?”
What I desire most of all.
Raven stares at him, unable to argue. He speaks the truth, and she cannot deny it.
Then, like a fairy godmother or a genie of the lamp having granted the final wish, Malleus turns away and vanishes. Not with sparkles or with fanfare, but by quietly gliding across the dance floor, Sebek trailing after.
“Hmph.” Rollo sniffs stiffly, letting his hand drop. “You must truly detest me.”
“... Not at all.” She tries to sound friendly, and she can’t tell if she’s successful or not. “I think we’re a lot alike. And maybe... just maybe... that might be why I’m a little scared of you--and why I feel so sad too. Because it’s scary looking into the mirror and seeing the ugliness of your soul reflected back.”
The surprise lasts for only a second before a glare wipes it clean off. “What nonsense. What could you possibly understand about me?”
“I understand more than you believe I do.” Raven sadly shakes her head. “... You once described magic as being a ‘cage’ that keeps me locked in. You said that I should be set free from it.”
Whether Rollo-senpai realizes it or not... Back then, he was also talking about himself. She ached at the thought, her cheeks heating up and her eyes threatening to burst into tears.
“But I don’t think that’s true at all. It’s not the magic that’s caging me or holding me back. I think... it’s this.” Raven taps at her chest. “Guilt, self-hatred, and fear—but I was fortunate enough to go to Night Raven College, to meet people that changed those doubts into hope.”
“I believe I asked for a dance, not for a lecture or your pity.” Rollo takes an abrupt step back. His handkerchief of moons and stars flutters into view, hiding his nose and mouth—but his eyes burn with a smoldering disgust. “The fault was not my own, so why should I be forced to endure your self-righteousness?”
Her feathers quiver, as if set aflame by his scathing words. Yet she does not balk from the heat.
What I desire most of all is…
Raven inhales shakily and presses on. “If you look around, you’ll realize that there are others that care for you and want to see you at your best. You don’t need to face your pain alone anymore.”
Raven tilts her head, and Rollo follows her line of sight. Nestled away in the corner of the room are his vice president and aide, glasses of punch and ours d'oeuvres in hand. They’re excitedly chatting about something with a stocky, animated gargoyle.
Rollo frowns, his face crumpling into a complicated expression.
“That’s something I had to learn for myself, so... I know it’s possible for you too, Rollo-senpai. Let others in. Reflect, repent, and forgive yourself. Only then can you rediscover joy.” Raven gives what she thinks is a reassuring smile. “I’m sure he would have wished for your happiness as well.”
At this, Rollo startles, crushing his handkerchief in his fingers. Hot and cold, fire and ice, rage in his veins. Through gritted teeth, he hisses, “... As if it could be so simple. Do not lump me in with you, the sort of degenerate that relishes her captivity.”
But there is a tug at his conscience. A discrepancy in his observations. They give him pause.
The merciless Malleus Draconia, condemning him to his thoughts. The merciful Raven Crowley, pleading for him to change his ways. Two sides, opposites.
“You…” Rollo narrows his eyes, the fire in them dimming from hate to hesitant curiosity. “Just what ARE you? You’re clearly nothing like the others from Night Raven College. No--you’re too... kind, too fuzzy, like some Royal Sword Academy student.”
"I’m a raven. I just made my nest and found a family of friends where the wind took me.”
“... Nfufu. I see it now.” Rollo crosses his arms, smirking. “It appears I was gravely mistaken. Of course. You are not the same as that man.”
There is no conceivable way that a fool as soft as this one would be related to Malleus Draconia.
“... I don’t know if I enjoy whatever conclusion that you’ve come to just now. It feels as though you’re looking down on me.” Raven sighs. “Well... as long as you take my advice to heart--”
“I never said I would.”
“... Has anyone told you that your attitude is positively infuriating?”
“Were I a mirror, I would say the same to you--since you claim that we are so alike.”
“………………………. If I am like you, and you are like me, then I will be your reflection and repeat your words back to you.” She extends a hand. “May I have this dance?”
ANYWAY I’M TOO TIRED TO WRITE MORE SO JUST PICTURE THEM ALSO SHARING AN AWKWARD DANCE WHILE THEY GLARE AT EACH OTHER LIKE ROLLO DID WITH MALLEUS
I find the “Rollo ships Raven with Malleus” angle difficult to incorporate, since I don’t really think Rollo would assume such a thing. I don’t personally see the ship either. If I had to describe Raven and Malleus’s relationship, it doesn’t really come off as romantic. It’s more like a clear mentor and mentee relationship, with Malleus as the strong, confident leader that Raven quietly admires and tries to learn from and live up to. At best, maybe Rollo would leave the masquerade thinking they’re co-conspirators against him.
Meanwhile, Sebek leaves the event still thinking Malleus and Raven are distant relatives because no one bothered to clarify for him--
#twst oc#twisted wonderland oc#Rollo Flamme#Sebek Zigvolt#Malleus Draconia#I like how Rook is technically present but I just didn't simp for him at all#HE DIDN'T HAVE THAT BIG OF A ROLE#there's nothing for me to scream about#sorry Rook#Raven Crowley#she can somewhat relate to taking extreme measures to try and achieve something she wants but at the cost of another's life#though the difference is that she had people willing to support her that put her on the right track#so. maybe she's hopeful for Rollo to have that someday too#YES I WROTE THE GARGOYLES JOINING IN BECAUSE THEY TOTALLY DESERVE A DANCE PARTY#Rollo Flamm
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i have no worm character i defend in court or know to the bone. i am but a protégé
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Aaaaaaaaand the depression is back
Great
#vent#depression#kiwi vents#many wishful thoughts that cannot be fulfilled right now#and I’m drowning in them#the broken hope#desperately trying to hold on to that ‘someday’#‘someday I’ll get there’#surrounded by all the dark and stormy sadness#‘but you’re not there’ ‘what if it never happens’ ‘people younger than you have achieved it already’#all that can be done is keep pushing back and it’s exhausting#i just want to be independent#with a house of my own#and a dog or two#🥲
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dunno if i'm gonna rally the spoons and nerve to apply to some new jobs (i suppose we'll see how this week's vibe goes) but i updated my resume and i'm feeling pretty good about it 💪
#been reading lots of AskAManager and she has some interesting tips on resume writing#to not so much list your job description (though to do it a little for those keywords) but to list your achievments instead#and i've built up a good handful of those actually#in the very least it'll be that much more ready to go when the time comes#and i'm still *fingers crossed* hopeful about that internal role someday#we're in a hiring freeze (except for most dire need) and there were just more layoffs higher up so idk if the creation of this position#is actually a viable thing to hope for but.... i'd be SO DAMN GOOD AT IT#there's a job i'm looking at on indeed that looks pretty interesting and isn't much further from where i already work#it doesn't seem like it'd have much opportunity to grow - and would be a lot like what i do now - but it's not exactly like i have much room#to grow where i'm at anyway. short of that one role they have me (and who knows who else) in mind for that may or may not ever open up#and... i don't want to leave. per se. but if the coworker i can't stand doesn't leave soon i may have to leave first#personal
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I know im the funny haha comic person but i really do want to sell merch at conventions or online too ya know. Think that would be easier than doing commissions once a year pshh
#i would do commissions more than once a year but theres just a lot going on#we can just d raw something once and you can sell it somehow#however i dont have much of a presence anymore so it may be difficult to sell myself ya know#its gonna take a lot of confidence and narcissism even faking all that to even go for itya know#im a decade late but baby king youll get to table at a con someday. Its an achievement to get a table overkill is actually selling smth#i buy oc art at conventions even before i dropped outta fandoms. I want to support people being able to put themselves out there#and i hope people will do the same for me#i may be too ambitious but a decade of observing and dreaming can do that to ya#i DO have commission ideas in mind tho…so i hope you guys will humor it. Ill even blaze it if i have to#ten bucks for a possible 30? Thats profit baby#im trailing off course but just know i WILL make money off my art somehow
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my god why do so many tumblr posts have to be worded so fucking self-righteously like bro i agree with you but i'm not going to interact w your post bcs honestly you sound like a condescending douchebag
#i understand a lot of ppl are angry but like idk sit on it maybe if you want your post to have any effect beyond just venting your emotions#like i once started making a very angry post about (usually) usamericans being unabashedly ignorant abt my country#which is something that makes me v angry bcs the dismissive us centric colonial attitude is so fucking apparent in that#but i left it unfinished and put it in my drafts and i am hoping to reword it someday so it's less pissy and then post it#bcs lbr yeah posting an angry rant will make me feel better sure#but is it going to achieve anything? no#this is like legit proven. people do not respond well when they are corrected with an antagonistic attitude#they won't want to agree with you even if they actually do think you have a point bcs it makes them defensive. that's just#a fact lmfao#so if i'm hoping for people to consider my point and take it on board i do have to like. be civil abt it. and not passive aggressive#yeah it sucks sometimes bc i want to be angry and let people know i'm angry! but it also doesn't work that way it really doesn't#this goes for trans and queer stuff too so often 🥲#neptalks
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hopping around different blogs is fun.
a post on blog 1: i find it a little weird that -- don't get me wrong, the barbie movie looks great with all the doll-like details, i bet the actors had great fun and i'd like to see it myself, but -- people are getting excited about marketing of this movie. they're acting as though mattel's 3985* deals with 837* different companies are something new, exciting and creative instead of... 3985 deals with 837 companies spanning many different areas! this movie is a commercial for a doll! isn't this kinda weird?
*numbers made up
a post on blog 2: i don't think any sane adult doesn't realize that this is a toy commercial! it's rather obvious.
a post on blog 3: boo hoo 'the barbie movie is capitalist propaganda' i don't give a SHIT marx won't fuck you. did you do this for transformers too? do you think only stupid girls who like pink need the reminder?
like, oooooh! things are happening!
#shrimp thoughts#earlier today i got into a bit of an essay reading spree (as much as my brain allowed me lol)#and it got me thinking about like... associating oneself with products/aesthetics/companies as a way of self-creation#this is me. i love [fashion brand] you won't catch me without my k*nken and here is my room in which you can see posters of [movies]#it's very... human to get excited about things and feel it more the more others get excited because. community building#at the same time i've noticed it myself that it's so much easier to label yourself a [thing] girl than to like... Look Into Yourself#who am i? what defines me? these questions are difficult because how do i know that? with what means do i obtain this knowledge?#should i create myself as i want or should i observe myself with the eyes of others instead? ...let me just say i like plants and overalls#and i feel like when someone says something you perceive as a critique of the identity slash community you associate yourself with#it's... hurtful? but at the same time. hm. i don't know actually#like chances are these posts are talking about completely different things and not vaguing each other or even similar posts#maybe posts that blog 3 vagues really were obnoxiously condescending! who knows! that being said DESPITE being a small-brained#shrimp who would honestly love to win soooo many moneys and just do whatever i want all day instead of being an Independant and Competent#Expert In My Field (this sounds scary and stressing). i still would like to avoid falling into the 'just let me ENJOY things and don't try#to make me hate femininity because it's not working! pink and shopping can be empowering' hole.#idk!! i listen to k/pop and am part magpie. i can't quite pose myself as like anti-capitalist intellectual#but i do want to achieve at least a small brain! someday!! and boy do i hope my brain energy days don't end before the books arrive;;#2am thoughts. wonder if my mother goes to sleep earlier than at 4am today because its getting annoying
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i really want to write a song one day
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#my inspiration to write poetry came back today... or rather yesterday now#but i've been searching up the meanings behind lyrics of songs lately a lot more than i usually do (though i do like my own interpretation#i also want to see the actual meaning in mind and kind of do prefer that i think) songs not from video games btw!#bcs if it's from video games. you can bet i already searched up immediately lol <3#but uhm. yeah. i love writing and i know i have a creative mind ever since i was really young and i love music!#i remember in the car when i was really young i liked to imagine song lyrics alongside melodies? but i want to do that someday#in a proper way. yk. idk how people make songs tbh but i love music so very much i do want to make my own one day.#just casually though GBHJSEBGJH i am very ambitious but i doubt and also don't want to get big in the music scene. but also#it's not as if i'll ever really know! and i'm not sure to what extent i want to be involved with making music. considering i want a#career relating to computer science or psychology/psychiatry or law so... yeah. and i want to go overseas. and explore. and travel.#and i want to make my own video game and write my own book. or multiple of them. so. yeah.#i've always been very ambitious but it was paired with my mind that for some reason never thought i'd have a future but now it's#getting. really there. and it's scary but also it's exciting and still scarier but also. yeah. it's nice. so i'll actually work towards my#dreams! tbh for a long time? i wasn't sure what dreams and hopes i had... like. idk. i just couldn't remember. but now i do.#so i'll try my best and try to be kinder to myself. and uh idk if anyone read this oops i'm rambling at almost 1 am. but yeah! <3#don't forget to treat yourself well. you deserve happiness and success. love yourself. don't give up. you'll achieve your dreams. <33
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