#Hop runs to Piers in the middle of the mall

[onii-pamn]

Kindergarten Teacher AU

This is a redraw of a piece from last year!!! One of my cutest aus ngl

[clownsgobeepbeep]

❝ I thought I’d seen a ghost. ❞

Mmmmm

Some Garden Bud finally uwu

@grodygabe ‘Cause Cordie is kind of in this

“Hi Auntie!”

“Hello Phoebe.” Jelly grinned as she looked down at the little moth that jumped around, the only thing holding her down being the hand that held onto hers. 

“Do you like my new shirt?” Phoebe motioned to the blouse she was wearing, a Sailor Moon design present on it. “My papa Peri bought it for me when we went to the mall yesterday!”

“It’s so pretty Phoebe!” Jelly exclaimed before turning her attention to her father beside her. “Your daddies must be jealous they don’t have such an awesome shirt.”

“I know they are, that’s why I don’t rub it in their faces.” Phoebe giggled as she looked up at her father.

“Come in, come in. I was just working on some lunch for everyone.” Jelly moved out of the doorway to her home. “How have you been Vespers?”

“I’ve been just dandy.” Vespers grinned as he walked into the house with Phoebe, seeing Jelly close the door behind them before they were all led to the living room. “Not much to report other than Cosmos and I spent the day together since it was his day off. My dad took Phoebe to the mall while the boys spent some time with Cuckoo and Calliope’s kids.”

“That sounds like a really nice day.” Jelly picked up some toys that had been scattered around the living room floor, some being some tiny boots that were clearly dirty. “Phoebe, do you want to stay with me and your dad, or would you like to go play with Cordie?”

“She’s home?” Phoebe’s eyes lit up.

“Yes she is, so is Davey but my sleepy little sailor is taking a nap.” Jelly ruffled Phoebe’s hair, then motioning to the hallway. “You remember where her room is, right?”

“Yeah!” Phoebe nodded before speeding away, leaving Vespers and Jelly alone to talk.

“So,” Jelly clasped her hands together. “Shall we go to the kitchen?”

“Sounds good.” Vespers nodded before following behind Jelly, taking a seat on one of the stools in front of the counter that Jelly resumed working on the lunch she had planned out. “So how’s the park coming along?”

“Well,” Jelly gave a breathy laugh as she reached over to grab a bowl filled with pieces of meat that she placed on her cutting board one at a time. “ A good portion of the park was destroyed, thankfully not more than fifty percent. The Kingdom took the most damage….it’s all coming together again.”

“That’s somewhat good news.”

“Yes...we should be opening again some time in the summer.” Jelly cut into the small pieces. “At least I have the aquarium and the pier up and running, so the money was made up with that business.”

“The aquarium is fantastic, Phoebe and the boys are still amazed at the Great White.” Vespers gave a chuckle. “I thought no aquarium could hold a Great White.”

“It’s not illegal or not allowed,” Jelly glanced up at Vespers with a tiny smirk. “Nobody is able to keep one alive.”

“No one except you.” Vespers gave another chuckle as Jelly gave a smug shrug, continuing to cut the meat. “Is that fish?”

“Clams. I hope you don’t mind, but Cordelia wanted some clam chowder and that’s what I’m making.”

“Your chowder’s always good so I don’t mind.” Vespers watched the tiny pieces be scoot to the side with the knife. “Should have guessed you make it all from scratch.”

“My chowder is made from the freshest clams Vesp. These are my latest catch.”

“Yummy.” Vespers commented before turning his head to the side, having heard some footsteps. “I hope the girls are making such a ruckus.”

“It’s Phoebe and Cordelia, I wouldn’t be very surprised if they went to the moon right now.” Jelly gave a laugh, keeping her attention on the clams she was chopping before other ingredients followed.

“True.” Vespers looked back at Jelly, but immediately whipped around again at the sound of more footsteps. That was when he felt a jolt of fear spread through him. Well, it was really just a slight scare as he spotted something new at the end of the hall that he had been checking on.

“God, you scared the hell out of me.”

“Did I?” 

Now Jelly turned her attention to the same spot, blinking in curiosity before she too noticed the new figure.

“Oh, hi Bud.” she greeted before her cooking continued once more. “It’s not the first time he’s spooked somebody. One time I woke up in the middle of the night and saw him down the hallway. I thought I’d seen a ghost.”

“People never tell me that I’m scary, but I’m glad you think that.” smiled the newcomer that stepped towards Vespers’ location, looking up at him with a smile filled with pride. 

“Good afternoon...Garden Bud.” Vespers blinked down at the doll, watching him as he locked eyes. The doll did not look away, looking deep into his own eyes for a while that made a slight shiver run down Vespers’ spine. Eventually, Bud turned his glass eyes away with a blink before he walked around the counter to where Jelly was.

“Where’s Ula?” Jelly slightly eyed him as he made his way over to the fridge, looking up at the fridge handles that he could not reach.

“Can you give me a hand?”

“Why don’t you eat from your own fridge?”

“I don’t have any strawberries.”

“Well maybe if you didn’t eat them all at once you’d have a lot more.”

“He has his own fridge?” Vespers blinked in surprise before Jelly gave him a look.

“Ula got him one of those mini fridges and she has it in her room next to the small bed she got him.”

“Of course.” Vespers’ eyes fell on the doll whose own eyes were trailing up and down Jelly’s figure from behind. “I think you have a little, uh…”

Jelly looked up at Vespers before turning around, immediately frowning at the sight.

“Do you want me to bring out Godzilla?”

Garden Bud instantly looked up at Jelly with wide eyes, his head shaking rapidly.

“Uncle Vespers!” they all now heard, everyone turning to the end of the hall where they now saw Ula. “I didn’t know you were visiting today.”

“It was a last minute plan with your mom.” Vespers spun in his seat to accept the embrace Ula offered, feeling her plant a kiss on his cheek. “How have you been?”

“Pretty good, done unpacking everything.” Ula took a seat beside him, taping her long nails on the counter. “Gonna go hang out with the beaus a little later.~”

“Atlas was telling me.” Vespers turned to her. “I never got to ask, how was the trip? I heard you made a new friend.”

“Oh yeah, his name’s Richard. He’s such a bookworm, maybe even more than Atlas.” Ula gave a laugh. “We traveled together for a bit and he decided to come to town since he’s never been here.”

“Oh. I see.” Vespers raised his eyebrows, glancing over at Jelly who gave a shrug before she turned to start putting the ingredients into a pot. 

“Oooh! Uncle!” Ula gasped before hopping off of her chair, fast walking around the counter where Jelly and Garden Bud were. “Bud!”

“Bud?” Vespers blinked as he watched the doll be swooped into Ula’s arms, apparent surprise as he was rushed over to Vespers.

“Uncle! Could you make some little clothes for Bud?” Ula widely smiled at her uncle whose eyes trailed down to the doll that looked up at him in anticipation. “I’d obviously pay you for it, you just name your price! Bud’s been needing some new outfits since he can only rely on the official Garden Bud toy ones, they’re not always very fashionable.”

“I would like some new outfits.” Bud raised his eyebrows at the thought of it.

“Outfits...for Garden Bud?” Vespers continued to look down at Bud, realizing that he was being carried like a child would. His gaze then lifted to Ula’s features, almost seeing a twinkle in her eye as she looked at him, full of hope. “What outfits did you have in mind?”

“Possibly some jeans ya know. Some sweatshirts, hooded ones. I really need him to have a winter coat, he gets really cold and I have to wrap him up in a blanket like a baby.”

“I’m not a baby though.” Bud replied, Vespers snickering as he remembered just how Bud was being held.

“When do you want to start measuring him?”

“We can do it some other day.”

“Why don’t you just do it right now?” Jelly suggested as she wiped her hands. “Vespers is here and I doubt it’ll take very long. I’m almost done with the chowder and I still have to make some sandwiches for it, we can continue talking when we eat. There’s some measuring tape right over there.”

Vespers saw Ula reach over the counter to grab some measuring tape, handing it over to him with a big smile. He couldn’t resist smiling back at her, even if her killer doll was creepily staring up at him.

_____________

“Can I have a clown outfit too? I wanna look like a clown!”

“Could you hold still?” Vespers dropped his hands on his lap with a sigh.

In front of him was Garden Bud, standing on top of a small stool Ula had brought over to help with the measuring. That was over twenty minutes ago, when Vespers started measuring the doll.

“Bud,” Ula sternly called out to the doll, the latter turning around to face her. “No moving.”

“Okay, okay.” Bud stood erect and with his arms extended out, absolutely no movement as Vespers resumed his measuring. Until- “But can I have a clown outfit?”

“Garden Bud!” Jelly shouted from the kitchen, the doll once again standing still. “Good boy.”

At the sound of this, a slight tint of pink appeared on his pale features. At least in his somewhat flustered state, Vespers could finally get some proper measurements out of the doll.

“Are you going to want some shoes too?” he asked Ula who had been sitting beside them.

“Nah, I’ve found plenty of those.” she waved a hand, right before placing a finger on her chin. “However, I’d appreciate it if you could make him some small blankets. Doll ones aren’t exactly the warmest ones.”

While Vespers and Ula continued on with their conversation,. Bud lowered his arms that fell at his side as he began to clutch onto his corduroy overalls. He didn’t know what else to do; he didn’t want to move from his spot because doing so could make Ula or Jelly upset. He couldn’t have that.

But!

It wasn’t until his little nose caught a scent that he wondered if they really would be upset...

Garden Bud turned to the side, eyes squinting while he lifted his nose. Sniffing the air led him to look over to the kitchen. The scent was clearly not coming from here. He then turned his attention to the hallway beside it, realizing that the scent was coming from there.

He blinked once as he caught sight of something red and almost shiny in the distance.

Right on the floor was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen in his little doll life, but not as beautiful as Jelly of course. But right on the floor was a single strawberry, just waiting to be eaten by him.

He took one last between all the adults, deciding that there really wouldn’t be any harm in going to pick up the lone strawberry. He hadn’t eaten anything yet after all.

So, he quietly made his way over to the strawberry after hopping off of his stool, nobody batting an eye over his absence. The strawberry clearly did not belong to anybody, for he knew that nobody would discard a strawberry in such a way.

Bud made his way over to the fruit, waiting a moment before swiping it off the floor. He giggled to himself, wiping it a bit on his bandana before eating the entire strawberry in a heartbeat. Stem included. And before he could make his way back to the living room, his eyes widened at the sight of another strawberry.

Once again, he went over to the strawberry, then seeing another. And another. And another. And another. He typically would have devoured one after the other, but he found it best that he hold them all in his little hands so that he could place them in a bowl to enjoy.

The doll was quite content, giggling at the sight of the many strawberries some unknown force had been gifting him. What made him ecstatic however was the pile of strawberries he found in the middle of a bedroom he had unknowingly brought himself into.

“Oh boy, have I found the jackpot.” Bud clasped his hands together after dropping the previous strawberries, sneaking on over to the pile to scoop the whole thing up. But before he could do that, Bud heard the door shut behind him, just as found himself being the one scooped up

“I got you! I got you!”

“You got him! You got him!”

Bud found himself in an extreme grip, making him shriek in a panic as he swung around in the air.

He looked behind him as best as possible, his shrieking continuing as he realized he was in the hold of Ula’s youngest sibling as her cousin stood beside her with a terrifying grin that matched Cordelia’s.

“I finally got you! And now we’re all gonna be friends! We’re gonna have so much fun!”

The only response that came from Bud was another ear piercing screech as he wiggled as harshly as possible.

Immediately, the bedroom door swung open as Jelly and the others stood in the doorway with concerned expressions.

“Cordelia, what is going on!?” Jelly exclaimed, hearing a final scream come from the doll who finally managed to wiggle out of Cordelia’s grasp. Right then, Bud fell to the ground and wasted no time, making a run for it between the adults’ legs as the strawberries were completely forgotten about.

“Oooh! He wants to play tag!” Cordelia excitedly jumped around, dashing through the doorway as everyone was shoved away. “Hi Uncle Vespers!”

“Hi?” Vespers awkwardly said before looking over at Phoebe.

“Let’s get him!” Phoebe squealed, soon following suit before she was grabbed by Vespers. “Dad!”

“Don’t hurt the doll.”

“We won’t!” Phoebe replied before Vespers found the space where Phoebe had been in empty, the little moth having appeared behind everyone as she ran after Cordelia and Garden Bud.

“They’re gonna tear him apart.” Ula quickly walked away, going faster as she heard cackling come from Cordelia.

“Cordelia!”

“Phoebe!”

As the adults called out to their respective child, Garden Bud run as fast as his little legs could take him. After having gone down the hallway and back into the living room, he desperately looked for a good spot to hide in. 

There weren’t many spots he felt the kids wouldn’t find him in, but there was one that they probably wouldn’t predict him to be in.

He ran to one of the pieces of furniture that also happened to be a small house, a small house for Ula’s cat Samhain.

Bud got onto his knees as he attempted to crawl inside, realizing that cat was already in his desired place.

“Shoo! Get out! I need this spot more than you do!” the doll ushered the cat away, receiving a growl and then hiss before Samhain actually ran off, no doubt to steal Garden Bud’s bed.

“Where’d he go?” he heard Cordelia ask as she looked around the living room with Phoebe beside her.

“Guys! Can you just let him go for now? You scared the heck out of him.” now Ula’s voice sounded.

“Girls, why don’t we just stop and go eat?”

“Are the hammies ready?” 

“What are hammies?”

Bud watched through the opening of the cat house, seeing Phoebe’s legs, for she was not as distracted as Cordelia over the sandwiches Jelly offered.

He tucked his little hands against his chest as he sat with his back against the surface of the box, almost shaking as Phoebe’s legs drew closer to his location.

“Phoebe, come on over here.” Vespers called out to her. “Your aunt made some clam chowder.

“Oh boy!” Phoebe jumped, quite thrilled, this in turn causing her walkman to slip out of her jacket’s pocket. “Shit!”

“Phoebe!”

“Sorry, sorry.” she giggled as she crouched down to pick up the device, stopping once her fingers touched it. Eventually, her face came into view, right before it turned to look inside the little box. “He’s in here!”

Before anybody could react, the little door burst open and the doll attempted to rush out of the scene.

“Get him! Get him! Get him!” Phoebe pointed as Cordelia got ready to chase once more.

“No, don’t get him!” Jelly grabbed Cordelia by the back of her shirt.

Bud, having been looking behind, never realized that Ula had been standing in the direction he was headed to. He crashed into her legs, giving a shriek of terror as he believed that he was once again caught.

“Relax, silly.” Ula bent down to grab his small form, hugging him against her chest as he held onto her sweater, glaring at Phoebe and Cordelia. “You’re safe now.”

“Thank fuck.”

“Awww! We never get to play with Bud!” Cordelia stomped a foot before her hand was taken by Jelly’s, the latter leading her to the dining room to sit down in front of some prepared chowder and sandwiches.

“You can try again after you and Phoebe eat.”

“Okay!” Cordelia grinned, motioning to Phoebe to come over, so she ran to the table and plopped down on the seat next to hers. Soon enough, Vespers and Jelly joined them as Ula made her way down the hallway.

“Little girls are terrifying.” Bud commented as he leaned his head against Ula’s chest. “You should never have kids.”

“I should never have kids?”

“Exactly. Stick with me and dump your boyfriends.”

“Why should I dump my boyfriends?”

“I mean, why do you have two boyfriends? Two is too many. In fact, one is too many. You don’t need boyfriends.” Bud posited, not bothering to look at Ula who quirked her eyebrow at him. “Boyfriends are too needy. They give you kids.They cling onto you and get mad if you pay attention to someone else.” 

“Hope that doesn’t hit too close to home.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ula stared down at Bud, giving him a smile and chuckle, as he was left in confusion.

[zen3to5]

J/H 4-14: Jackie Says Cheese

Following production order, the next few episodes - "Red and Stacey," "Eric's Hot Cousin," "The Third Wheel," and "An Eric Forman Christmas" all remain unchanged in this timeline. I imagine some of you are surprised "The Third Wheel" didn't come in for a rewrite, and I watched it multiple times looking for an opening myself, but nothing jumped out at me. "Jackie Says Cheese," on the other hand...

(This is another one that was only partially re-written. Some re-written scenes are sequential, and some aren't; you'll know those by the *** separating them. Enough material is the same that I think anyone familiar with the episode can recognize the context for all of these. Just to get us all on the same page: imagine the episode playing out as you know it up until the second scene dealing with Thomas...)

FF.Net AO3

***

INT. HUB - DAY   THOMAS continues to make his own mark as the “foreign kid:” he sits at a round table with TWO PRETTY GIRLS. Over at the wall table, FEZ watches with cold disapproval, while KELSO eats. “Long, Long Way from Home” by Foreigner plays on the jukebox.   THOMAS: (laughing) I don’t know. I’ve just always been good-looking.   He and the girls laugh some more.   FEZ: (to Kelso) Look at that foreign bastard. Cracking up the whores.   KELSO: Yup. That is one sexy accent.   FEZ: Hey, if I pretend to say something funny, will you laugh?   KELSO: What would you pretend to say?   Fez snorts and looks back to Thomas.   FEZ: That Thomas is shady. (to Kelso) And have you noticed he never says what country he’s from?   KELSO: (beat) What country are you from?   FEZ: What country are you from?   KELSO: America.   FEZ: Fine, mystery solved.   He scoffs and turns back to stewing.

***   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – DAY   A quiet afternoon. HYDE reads in his chair, DONNA reads on the couch, and JACKIE paces up and down the room.   Kelso enters through the basement door.   KELSO: Hey.   Jackie immediately crosses to him.   JACKIE: Michael, I’m broke! I had to buy generic hair conditioner. And now, I have split ends.   KELSO: Well, no one is gonna notice that, baby.   HYDE: (to Jackie) Yeah, they’ll all be looking at that monster zit.   Kelso shrugs, nods, and takes a seat on the couch.   JACKIE: (to Hyde) I have to ration my cover-up. (to Kelso) So find a job already!   KELSO: I’m trying, okay? It’s tough out there.   HYDE: Kelso, you’ve been down here in the basement all day, reading the funnies.   KELSO: And the next page over’s the want ads! I’m getting to it!   Jackie glares down at Kelso, who tries not to look guilty.   DONNA: What about that new store at the mall? The Cheese Palace.   HYDE: “Where curd is king?”   DONNA: The very same.   KELSO: Nah. I saw that place. They’re only hiring for cheese maidens to hand out the free samples. Girl maidens. You know, with boobs and stuff.   Donna looks up at Jackie.   DONNA: Hey, you know who’s an actual girl with boobs and stuff?   JACKIE: Oh, Donna, you don’t have to get a job just for me.   DONNA: I was talking about you, pimple-chin.   JACKIE: Oh, no, no, no, no. I am not getting a job. A job is for poor people. I am a rich person who doesn’t have money. Big diff.   Donna and Hyde roll their eyes.   Kelso looks up at Jackie, leans closer.   KELSO: Hey, is that a blackhead?   Jackie recoils at the thought.   JACKIE: NOOOOOO!   CUT TO:   INT. MALL – DAY   On a mildly busy shopping day, Jackie stands in the courtyard, in full cheese maiden attire, with a tray of free samples. She meekly offers it up to passers-by, who all ignore her.   JACKIE: Cheddar? Cheddar? Cheddar?   FADE TO BLACK   COMMERCIAL   BUMPER   MUSIC NOTE: “Working in the Coal Mine” by Lee Dorsey.   INT. MALL – DAY   Right where we left off. Jackie keeps offering her cheese samples to patrons, none of whom seem interested. But for each effort, Jackie has a rhyme.   JACKIE: Try the Swiss. You can’t miss. Try the Cheddar. It’s even better.   Hyde comes around the corner and stops by Jackie. He looks down at the floor.   HYDE: The floor’s real shiny, and I see your heinie.   Jackie groans, hits him in the chest.   HYDE: Hey, the cheese maiden hit me! Cheese guards, seize her!   JACKIE: God, this job is awful! I’m starting to glisten!   HYDE: You mean, sweat?   JACKIE: No. Girls don’t sweat. Sweating is for boys and pigs. Girls glisten.   HYDE: Like a Christmas ham.   Undeterred by Jackie’s glare, he helps himself to some cheese samples.   JACKIE: Where is Michael? The only reason I have this job is so he and I can be together.   HYDE: In the basement, eating Fritos. (Jackie gasps) Yeah, if he sends in 80 empty Frito bags, he gets a remote-control car.   JACKIE: I’m working for our love, and he’s trying to get a toy car?   HYDE: (shrugs) Hey, bright side is, all that “glisten’s” pushed that blackhead out.   Jackie’s hand goes to her chin as Hyde takes some more cheese.   BUMPER   INT. BASEMENT – DAY   As Donna and Kelso watch TV (Kelso with a bag of Fritos), Fez paces up and down the room, muttering to himself.   FEZ: Thomas. Thomas. Thomas!   He stops, leans on the back of Hyde’s chair.   FEZ (cont’d): What I have to do is show everyone that I am cooler than Thomas. You know, I once saw the Fonzie do something on TV that just might do the trick.   CUT TO:   EXT. BEACH – DAY   FANTASY SEQUENCE. The whole gang, plus Thomas and the two girls from earlier, are gathered on a pier. Fez is the Fonz, complete with leather jacket, while everyone else is dressed for the beach.   FEZ: I am now going to jump over a shark on water skis to prove that I’m the coolest foreign exchange student in Point Place.   THOMAS: (scoffs) He’ll never make it.   DONNA: Shut up. He can do it. He’s – the Fez!   The gang all nod in support.   FEZ: Okay. Here I go. Hit it.   And off he goes, to a series of obviously blue-screened shots miming water skiing and stock footage of a great white shark. Fez takes time to break the fourth wall with a smile and a thumbs up.   Back at the pier, the gang cluster together, Donna holding onto ERIC and Jackie surrounded by Hyde and Kelso.   ERIC: He’s crazy, man! He’s crazy!   HYDE: He’s at the ramp!   An even more artificial shot fakes the act of jumping the shark as Fez cries out in triumph. Cut to him climbing back onto the pier and receiving congratulatory cheers, pats, punches, and hugs by the gang and Thomas’s two girls.   JACKIE: You suck, Thomas!   Thomas’s face runs with artificial sitcom tears.   ERIC: Fez, you jumped that shark, and you’re not even wet.   FEZ: That’s ‘cause I’m cool-a-mundo. Ai!   He gives two thumbs up and grins.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – DAY   Back to reality. Fez is grinning here too. He looks down at Donna and Kelso.   FEZ: What do you think?   DONNA: Not only is that the worst idea I’ve ever heard, it was the worst moment in television history.   FEZ: (beat) Yeah, you’re right. I stopped watching after that episode.   KELSO: I kinda liked it.   Donna gives him a long stare; he inches away from her.   FEZ: THOMAS!   And back to pacing he goes.   ***   EXT. ROAD – NIGHT   Kelso’s Samba out on the dark backwoods’ streets. Fez is behind the wheel, Kelso in the passenger’s seat, and Thomas right behind them, an arm on either chair.   THOMAS: How exciting. My first American road trip. I can’t wait to see Lake Dillhole.   Fez, with a small, sly grin, pulls over and puts her in park.   FEZ: Well, the wait is over. We’re here. (to Thomas) Now, hop out, you crazy son of a gun.   Thomas, beaming, jumps out of the van. Kelso takes a careful look around the area.   KELSO: This is the Michigan border.   FEZ: Well, what do you know?   Thomas looks in through the drivers’ side window.   THOMAS: So where is Lake Dillhole?   FEZ: (pointing) Oh, it’s right there, behind the Get Bent Memorial. So, get bent, dill-hole!   He throws the van back into drive and takes off down the road. He and Kelso share a quiet laugh.   KELSO: That was a sweet burn, man.   FEZ: You don’t have to tell me.   KELSO: (beat) I don’t wanna take away from your moment, but we did just leave a high school kid stranded in the middle of nowhere, and his host parents are probably gonna want to look for him. (beat) And the cops.   He and Fez share a look. Fez spins the wheel, and they both lurch as the van turns around.   CUT TO:   INT. MALL – NIGHT   Jackie on the night shift. She continues to fail at drawing in samplers. Donna watches her with a big smile from the rim of a large plant pot, while Hyde stands just off to her side, sneaking cheese samples as she tries to solicit shoppers.   JACKIE: (to patrons) The Gouda’s so good-a. The Havarti’s a party.   Hyde reaches for a sample further down the tray. Jackie slaps his hand away.   JACKIE (cont’d): Quit it! Steven, why do you keep eating all my cheese?   HYDE:  We’re in Wisconsin. (takes a bite) Hey, this Havarti is a party!   He motions for Donna to come over. She joins them and takes a sample herself.   JACKIE: Oh, my God, this is awful! A few minutes ago, I smelled stinky cheese. And it was me!   HYDE: Hey, I stink after work too. Of course, that stink’s got nothing to do with work. And ganja ain’t no Gouda.   Jackie shakes her head, passes him the whole cheese tray and starts to walk away. Hyde and Donna follow.   HYDE (cont’d): Come on, Jackie. This can’t be that bad.   DONNA: Yeah. And you got this job so you could be with Kelso. I mean, doesn’t that make it satisfying?   JACKIE: NO!   Kelso and Fez come around the corner. Kelso smiles at Jackie, but she holds a finger up before he can say a word.   JACKIE (cont’d): Michael, I love you, but I am not cut out for work. I’m cut out for having rich people give me things. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this.   Just as she says this, her MANAGER comes up behind her and presents her with an envelope. He walks back into the store as Jackie opens it up.   JACKIE (cont’d): Oh, my gosh. It’s a check! And that’s my name! Mine!   She shows it off to Hyde, bobbing on her feet. Kelso starts to bob too.   KELSO: (to Jackie) All right, so we can stay together!   JACKIE: Yeah, and I can still be rich!   KELSO: Yeah! You know, we deserve a celebration. Hey, let’s go buy me a remote-control car.   JACKIE: No, Michael. Money doesn’t grow on trees. (gasps) Money doesn’t grow on trees. You know, I think having a job is changing me. Okay, think about it: a whole new me.   HYDE, FEZ, DONNA, & KELSO: (beat) That’d be great.   Jackie pouts at them all, takes back her cheese tray, and heads out into the courtyard.

[randyk1m-blog]

Myrtle Beach, South Carolina is a great place to visit if you are looking for multiple vacations in one! You can visit the beach in the morning and then head out to all of the attractions in the afternoon. There are so many fun and exciting things to do in Myrtle Beach, SC. You’ll find amusement parks, beaches, state parks, golf courses and more!

Myrtle Beach does a great job of keeping the historic Myrtle Beach feel to it. It isn’t over run with chain stores or hotels, but instead has a really local vibe to it and can feel like you are stepping back in time! 

Map

Here is a map of the overall area along with hotels:

Click here for an interactive map.

Attractions

Ripley’s Aquarium Of Myrtle Beach

The aquarium is on the smaller size, but it is well worth a visit. The Shark tunnel is amazing!! You walk through a tunnel with sharks swimming over you and next to you. It is a little scary, but also really, really cool. We went through it multiple times.

They also have a touch tank which are kids always enjoy along with a variety of other hands on activities that the kids could do.

The rest of the aquarium has a variety of different fish to look at and a huge tank filled with hundreds of fish to just stare at. One of our favorite places was the sting ray tank. We could have sat for hours and just watched them swim around.

The last thing we did was feed the manta rays. You pay a couple dollars and get a few pieces of fish that you can feed the manta rays with on a stick in you put into the tank.

If you take your time walking around and really taking everything in you can spend a good 2 hours here exploring.

Ripley’s Believe It Not

The name says it all. You will be amazed and shocked by what you find in Ripley’s Believe It Or Not. Lots of hands on things to do and interesting things to look at. It will be an interesting day when you explore this odditorium. 

Legends In Concert

An amazing show where you can see imitations of some of the best in the music industry. The show is very upbeat and entertaining and would work out well for kids too.

Hollywood Wax

Are you or your kids into celebrities? Then the Hollywood Wax museum should be on your list! Take your pictures with all sorts of “celebrities”.

Buy the combo ticket and you can head over to the Mirror Maze and interactive Zombie apocalypse challenge located in the same building.

Sky Wheel

Take a ferris wheel ride and look out over Myrtle Beach and the ocean inside your own private gondola reaching up to 20 stories high. If you want to upgrade your seat you can even get a gondola with a glass-bottom floor and leather seats.

WonderWorks

When you look at this building from the outside you are not sure what to expect . . .then you go inside and WOW! There are so many cool things to do and a lot of things you wouldn’t even think of. It is an indoor amusement park with hands on exhibits.

They have a ropes course, an entire floor dedicated to sports, thrilling rides (our kids were too short), a TON of hands on things. We really didn’t know what to expect and thought this might just be a quick walkthrough, but we were wrong.

They have a bubble area where you can make HUGE bubbles. A giant Wonder Brite wall, a bed of nails you lay on, a celebrity look alike machine. And all sorts of optical illusion things to try.

If you visit Myrtle Beach when it is cooler out or raining, this is the place to be. Or if you are looking to get out of the heat of summer, head to WonderWorks and spend the day playing!

Myrtle Waves Water Park

Head to the water park to cool off and enjoy the beautiful weather. This is the largest waterpark in South Carolina and has 22 water slides! Plus a wave pool and lazy river. A water park in the summer is a great family activity.

Family Kingdom Amusement Park

A beach front amusement park that has more than 38 thrilling rides including roller coasters. With rides that are good for younger kids and older kids. Plus entertainment and arcade games.

Splashes Oceanfront Water Park

If it is a hot day in the Myrtle Beach area then head out to a water park. Splashes is located right across the street from the Family Kingdom Amusement Park with views of the beach. It has water slides and a lazy river. Your kids will thank you for taking them here!

Map Of Attractions:

    Activities

Party Boat Deep Sea Fishing

Spend 8 hours on the Inlet Princess fishing in the deep water where the big fish are! Fishing gear and fishing licenses are included. Get ready for a fun and exciting fishing experience!

Note the ship only goes out on Wednesdays so book now so you get a spot.

Mini Golf

If you are a mini golfer then you have found your vacation place. Myrtle Beach is filled with mini golf courses from Jungle theme to Pirate theme and several in between. You could spend all day hitting all of the mini golf courses!

Jet Skiing

Have a need for speed?! Rent Jet Ski’s by the hour for 1-8 hours of fun. If you have kids with you then have them ride on a Jet Ski with you. They have 3 person jet ski’s available for rent.

Dolphin Cruise

Looking to get out on the water and see some dolphins?! Myrtle Beach has you covered with a variety of different Dolphin Cruise options:

Sea Thunder Dolphin Cruise – take a speedboat out to find Dolphins! They are so sure you will see dolphins that if you don’t, they give you a free ride in the future to try again.

Dolphin Adventure Cruise – Get on a 90 foot boat that takes you out to find dolphins and more. You will follow a fishing boat that helps to attract dolphins and even sharks, so be on the look out.

  Parasailing

Parasailing is such a fun way to get up high out over the water and take in the views all around you. 3 people can go up at a time, which is perfect if you have younger kids that have never done it before. But note you must be 42 inches to participate. 

Pontoon Boat Rental

Want to spend the day on the water? A Pontoon boat is the perfect option. We love taking a boat out with our family to check out the area from the water. Pack a cooler and have a picnic lunch while you hang out in the Pontoon. Then anchor it and enjoy jumping from the boat and going for a swim.

Broadway at the Beach

If you are looking for somewhere to walk around and do some shopping and restaurant hopping, this is the place for you. Broadway at the Beach has a variety of restaurants from the Hard Rock to Margaritaville to Joe’s Crab Shake and Paula Deen’s.

When you are here be sure to stop at River Street Sweets for a FREE Praline sample – yummy!

Broadway at the Beach is also where you are going to find a lot of the attractions in Myrtle Beach that we listed above. It really is a one stop shop for tons of fun while you are here.

Barefoot Landing

A waterfront mall with shops, restaurants, entertainment and attractions. It is located in the North Myrtle Beach area.

Looking for more attraction ideas Ranger Led Program

Check the schedule at the State Park to see if they have any Ranger Led Programs going on. We visited the Bee class to learn about the local honey bees and it was super interesting and well run.

Nature Center and Activity Center

Part of the state park where you can come to learn more about the area. The buildings are not always open so be sure to ask when you come into the park or check online to see when they are open.

Myrtle Beach State Park

You have to set at least one day aside to just hang out at the beach! The Myrtle Beach State Park is a great place to hang out at the beach. They also have a nice pier that you can walk out onto or fish from.

The beach is part of the Grand Strand – which is a large stretch of beach on the east coast that runs uninterrupted for more than 60 miles.

Murrells Inlet

If you are ready to get away from all the craziness of amusement parks and attractions in Myrtle Beach then Murrells Inlet is the place to go. There is a half-mile-long Marsh Walk and places to watch the fishing boats come in.

This area was once the lair of the pirate Blackbeard! And there are pirate-theme boat tours available that bring this history and adventure to life.

2nd Avenue Pier

A historic Pier in Myrtle Beach that has been a centerpiece of historic downtown Myrtle beach since the 1930’s. You can fish from the pier or eat at the Pier House and enjoy the views.

Looking for more ideas on things to do in Myrtle Beach with kids check out these posts:

16 Fun Things To Do In Myrtle Beach With Kids (Or Without)

33 Crazy Fun Things To Do In Myrtle Beach For Family Fun

Restaurants

The Donut Man

When you are here do yourself a favor and go to The Donut Man for super delicious donuts. Actually go two or maybe three times. Yes, they are that good and aren’t super expensive.

River City Cafe

A great restaurant to go to with kids. The prices are right and the atmosphere is super laid back with peanuts to snack on while you wait and fun bright colors and decorations everywhere.

Campgrounds

Myrtle Beach State Park

We stayed at the beautiful Myrtle Beach State Park campground. It was well treed and there were sites that had a lot of room around them. We always like the vibe of the State Parks so if you are looking to include nature in your stay this is the place to go. There are plenty of sites with water and electric as well as several with full hookups. They also have a very well stocked convenience store/gift shop.

Pirate Land Family Camping Resort

Friends of ours love staying at the Pirate Land Family Camping Resort. Located on the beach with a large pool and wave pool it definitely seems like a fun place to stay!

Hotels

The majority of the hotels are located along Ocean Boulevard. There is a large selection of hotels with the older hotels being located in the historic Myrtle Beach area and the newer chain hotels are located further north. 

Double Tree Resort By Hilton

This hotel is located closer to the Myrtle Beach State Park so it is south of most of the attractions in town. It is a 4 star hotel on the beach.

Paradise Resort

A 3 star hotel located in the middle of downtown Myrtle Beach. Family friendly with indoor and outdoor pools. Including a lazy river.

Hampton Inn Myrtle Beach

If you want to be in the middle of shopping and the attractions (and not right by the beach) then this is the place for you. It is located right at Broadway At The Beach. It is a 3 star hotel.

Marriott’s Ocean Watch Villas at Grand Dunes

Located north of downtown Myrtle Beach. This beautiful 4 star resort is where you want to go if you are looking for more luxury and relaxation. 

What more hotel options check out all of the Myrtle Beach hotel options here. 

Other great places to visit with your family  near Myrtle Beach include:

Destin, Florida

St. Augustine, Florida

Asheville, North Carolina

Or check out these top East Coast Family Vacation spots!

**Thank you to TripShock for providing tickets for some of our activities. And this post does contain affiliate links – thank you for supporting our site!**

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The post 22+ Fun And Exciting Things To Do In Myrtle Beach, SC appeared first on Crazy Family Adventure.

[vacationsoup]

New Post has been published on https://vacationsoup.com/11-reasons-to-love-living-by-the-beach/

11 Reasons to Love Living by the Beach

1. Turtle Patrols

It’s no secret that, in the Golden Isles, we love our sea turtles. The Georgia Sea Turtle Center on Jekyll Island offers dozens of ways to get up close and personal with the lovable reptiles. One way is by taking part in one of the nonprofit’s Turtle Walks or Nest Walks. During nighttime or morning trips, naturalists walk participants down beaches in search of nesting mother turtles. The evening turtle walks, held throughout July, are open to those 18 and over.

2. Movie Nights

There’s magic in movies, but have you ever seen a movie while floating in an inner tube? You might just get the chance this summer when Summer Waves, the waterpark on Jekyll Island, stays open late for swim-in movie showings of family fun films relating to water. “The Little Mermaid” is set for July 1 at 8:30 p.m. If dry land is more your thing, that’s ok, too. Movies on the Green, hosted by the Jekyll Island Authority, plays free movies on the grassy space in the center of the Beach Village, with a showing of “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story” slated for 8:30 p.m. on July 28 and “Frozen” at 8 p.m. on August 25.

And while the Glynn Place Mall in Brunswick boasts a fancy new GTX theater, there are other unique ways to take in some old school flicks, too. For instance, the historic Ritz Theatre, operated by Golden Isles Arts and Humanities, offers Cinema Gourmet showing classics paired with a discussion and dinner from local favorite Indigo Coastal Shanty. It runs from the fall to spring. But the Ritz is not the only spot to find oldies but goodies — the Georgia Theater Co. offers Flashback Cinema, featuring the likes of “Gone with the Wind” for a modern-day crowd. The program runs from spring to summer.

3. Cruising By

Living on the coast means finding fun ways to get on the water. While there are plenty of options, few can beat a good ol’ wine cruise. Waterfront Wine and Gourmet in Darien offers both onshore tastings as well as trips around the picturesque rivers and tributaries around the area. Ticket prices include different wines and hors d’oeuvres.

Other vendors offer cruises to other locations. Undoubtedly, the most recognizable boat in the area is a biggie — the Emerald Princess II. The multi-story casino ship shoves off daily from Gisco Point, under the Sidney Lanier Bridge in Brunswick. It takes passengers out to international waters, where players have a chance to try their luck at a variety of games. For those who just want to enjoy the ride, a bar and a sun-drenched top deck can offer an uber-relaxing option.

4. Time Travelers

The Golden Isles are rich in history — from Jekyll to Brunswick and St. Simons Island — and every acre is sprinkled with fingerprints of the past. Three of the area’s most iconic landmarks stand as silent witnesses of days gone by, and all have been touched by conflicts that have defined our country.

Fort King George in Darien, for instance, was first established in 1721, serving as the southern outpost of the British Empire in the New World. Soldiers there weathered harsh conditions, fending off threats from the Spanish and Native Americans. Today, a reconstruction of the barracks can be found on the historic site, which showcases what life was like for these early settlers.

On St. Simons Island, one finds a similar site. Fort Frederica, located on the north end of the island, once served as a home for British soldiers also serving General James Oglethorpe in the 1700s. Some ruins of that 1736 encampment can still be seen today with archaeological digs still underway.

Over on the south end of the island, another local icon — the St. Simons lighthouse — stands tall next to the Keeper’s Dwelling, both maintained by the Coastal Georgia Historical Society. First erected in 1810, the lighthouse has guided countless sailors safely to shore. Of course, it also withstood tribulations, such as being burned by the fleeing Confederate Army as Union soldiers approached in 1861. Today, visitors can scale all 172 stairs of the rebuilt structure to get a breathtaking panoramic view of the Isles.

5. Shark Tooth Hunts

Go on the search for fossilized sharks teeth, which can be found in a few low-key places around the Golden Isles. Cumberland Island is known for being a spot to find sharks teeth along its shores. Teeth can also be found near the Sidney Lanier Bridge and on some Jekyll Island beaches.

6. Holiday Celebrations

Whether you are ready to celebrate July Fourth or it’s time to plan your Labor Day weekend, there will be plenty of ways to enjoy the holidays here along the coast.

A special treat for vacationers and residents each year is the over-the-top firework displays during Independence Day celebrations. If you are in downtown Brunswick, head over to Mary Ross Waterfront Park for the festivities that include a display that lights up the night sky. On St. Simons, the place to be is on the south end of the island, where the Pier Village will be taken over by gazers for the evening spectacle that shoots off from the pier. If you find a spot on the beach, you can turn around to catch Sea Island’s display, too. And new this year, Jekyll Island will be lighting off their firework display a day early on July 3.

Celebrate the end of summer during Labor Day weekend with a variety of activities. Sea Island’s Southern Grown festival returns for the fourth year with concert headliner NEEDTOBREATHE ready to sway the night away at Rainbow Island for the Saturday evening concert during the multi-day festival. The Little Light Music Series will also conclude that weekend with a performance by the Sensational Sounds of Motown on Sunday. And for those on the hunt for a good find, swing by the Pier Village for the St. Simons Island Antique Show that will feature vendors and sellers with their wares on Saturday and Sunday.

7. Paddle & Stretch

There are lots of ways to get in your exercise outdoors this summer. With each lunar cycle, Omcore Yoga and Body hosts a full moon beach yoga session at Coast Guard Station. All levels are invited and donations to local causes are accepted rather than payment for these dusky excursions.

Wanting a more full-body experience while taking in the sites? Try your hand at paddleboarding or kayaking. Kingfisher Paddleventures’ owner Norm Leonard often includes ecological and historical tidbits in his tours. Turtle Tides Paddleboard and Kayaks, in the Pier Village, also offers tours and rentals, as does South-East Adventure Outfitters, in its Pier Village spot.

8. Beach Bliss

Tourists and residents can find solace in the simplicity of a summer beach day. Pack a bag, grab a chair, and drive out to one of the area’s many beautiful beaches.

On St. Simons, beach accesses are located at Massengale Park, the Coast Guard Station, and Gould’s Inlet. Just remember that the tides can affect how much beach there is, especially if you prefer the south end beaches near Myrtle Street.

On Jekyll Island, beach goers can head out to Great Dunes Park, located in the middle of the island and Jekyll’s biggest beach, or they can sit among the famously picturesque gnarled branches on Driftwood Beach on the north end.

On the southern side of the island, St. Andrews Beach and Glory Beach both offer relaxing spots to park a chair and enjoy the sound of the waves.

9. Fresh Catch

There are quite a few places to turn to when you are ready to cook up some of the Isles’ freshest catches.

Frank Owens with City Market not only supplies local restaurants, but also the public with his downtown Brunswick store on Gloucester Street. Owens can be found hoisting in fish, shrimp, and oysters as he carries on the family business that was first started by his great-grandfather in 1948.

Poteet Seafood Company in Brunswick also has been packing Wild Georgia Shrimp for more than three decades. The operation, owned by shrimp boat captain John Wallace, includes a packing facility as well as a public market that carries various seafood including scallops, crab, clams, spices, and more.

10. Festival Time

Venture outdoors this summer to enjoy some sweet sounds of music by the sea. The Little Light Music Concerts series has returned this summer to St. Simons Island. The concerts take place once a month on Sunday evenings on the oceanfront lawn beneath the St. Simons Lighthouse. Participants are encouraged to bring picnics and lawn chairs.

There’s also Sounds by the Sea, run by Golden Isles Arts and Humanities. These summer concerts are held at Neptune Park from May to September, and attendees are invited to bring picnic blankets and chairs. The season includes Annie Akins on July 22, Maggie and Jackson on August 26, and Gwen Hughes and the Kats on September 23.

The annual Sunshine Festival will also take place on St. Simons from July 4 to July 7 at the St. Simons pier. The multi-day festival provides an Independence Day celebration that will include an arts & crafts show, a 5K race, and fireworks.

11. Sweet Stroll

Cater to that sweet tooth this summer when you take an afternoon stroll by the St. Simons pier or the Jekyll Beach Village.

Frozen yogurt flavors, Italian gelato, and sorbets are just a few scoops away at the pier location of Fuse, which also has locations mid-island and on Jekyll. Tasty pairings such as cherry pie, early grey tea, and more dazzle the taste buds at Moo Cow Ice Cream, just a hop and skip from the pier village, too.

If you are wanting something more than ice cream, the iconic St. Simons Sweets, also located in the Pier Village, sells a variety of delicacies, from cookies to chocolate and more. Across the street, Sunset Slush will be serving up Italian Ice all summer.

Just across the St. Simons Sound, Island Sweets Shoppe in Jekyll Island’s historic district offers old-fashioned candies along with ice cream, fudge, pralines, and more.

  Source:  Golden Isles:  The Magazine for Brunswick, St Simons Island. Jekyll, & Sea Island.  By: Bethany Leggett, Lindsey Adkison, Lauren McDonald.

[alstravelblog]

World Trip 2014 - Part 5

Here we are, the last section of my USA tour. There's a lot to cram into this one so bear with me. Me, Jonny and Maria set off from Portland in our rented Mazda - which cost a fair amount for two days, mainly because we're under 25 - and headed south towards the Californian coast. I don't count Seattle and Vancouver as being by the Pacific as they technically lie in the Puget Sound Bay, which isn't really ocean, so arriving at an eerily misty seaside town late at night was our first exciting glimpse of the Pacific. That night we slept in a motel run by the creepiest family, to the sound of sea lions barking. The next day was a mad dash down to San Francisco, admiring the amazingly tall redwood trees, checking out the coastal scenery of Route 1, and crossing the Golden Gate Bridge during rush hour (the carpool lane, however, was a big bonus).

San Francisco is one hell of a city. Rammed full of people, about twenty forms of public transport, and hills too steep to be in a city, it's just crazy, colourful and loud. Our first night was spent at an Indian restaurant/Irish bar (that's right, combined) before enjoying a whisky in Little Italy. The next couple of days saw us playing old fashioned arcade games down on the pier, riding the cable car up and down the hills, climbing Coit Tower to admire the view, cycling to the ocean and then up to the Golden Gate Bridge JUST missing sunset by a few minutes, couchsurfing with a woman named Jess who treated us to a meal in Chinatown, bumping into a guy from St Andrews in the street, and watching fireworks on Pier 39 (the famous one) whilst eating Mexican food.

Just a quick mention about the cycling: they told us to return the bikes on the other side of the city by 9pm, but what we didn't realise was they didn't give us lights on our bikes. This meant that after sunset we had to cycle along pavements illegally, and through pitch black parks avoiding pedestrians and just whistling to be make ourselves known - it was stupid and difficult, especially after getting lost. However, we DID play an on-rails interactive zombie laser-shooting game on the pier, as well accomplishing a Mission Impossible style laser maze (where I showed a nimbleness I didn't know I possessed) - so that made things better.

Anyway, one of the highlights of the trip was renting our own campervan and driving through the streets of the city while people admired our paintwork (a massive osprey, for some reason). We even rode down that famous steep winding road in San Francisco, win Jonny telling me "This is it Al, we've made it in life." We took the van down the Californian coast, then camped under the stars just outside of Yosemite. That took a lot of driving, and we did have crappy salad sat in a dark, misty car park on the way there, but it was worth it when we finally camped and saw how many stars were above us (hint: a crazy amount).

People will think we're crazy for not even spending a night in Yosemite Park, but Jonny didn't want to camp in the cold (we were at 8000ft, can you believe), and our lack of time meant we decided to head out for the desert sooner rather than later. However, the day we spent in the park was amazing; the trees, the lakes, mountains like I've never seen before. After all the hectic travelling we'd been doing, it was nice to just sit by a silent alpine lake and do nothing. Hiking's for chumps.

So yeah, that evening we just drove and drove until we'd descended about 7000ft and camped by a desert road in Death Valley.

The next morning, stood outside the campervan underneath a big blue scorching desert sky, I threw a Breaking Bad reference Jonny's way. "Yo Mr White!" I shouted, pretty chuffed when Jonny grumbled "Yes, Jessie?" "When we gonna cook, yo?" It was a good moment, but maybe you had to be there. (If any adults reading don't know Breaking Bad, then just ignore this whole paragraph)

Death Valley is an insane place. Just like a massive, empty park where people drive miles and miles to see each attraction. You just pass each other on the big empty roads with a thought like "I wonder if they're going to see the abandoned mining facility, or the canyon full of colourful rocks?" We camped at a ranch with a pool, golf course, tennis courts, bar, cafe, buffet restaurant, everything. A bit TOO much for one of the driest places on earth... Still, chilling by the pool was a treat. So was watching the sunset from a rocky hill in the middle of the desert, beer in hand.

We woke up early before leaving the valley, to watch the sunrise at the lowest place in the USA (200ft below sea level! I've never spoken about feet so much in my life until I got here.) It's called Badwater Basin and it's just covered in salty crust, salty pools, and surrounded by a mountain range that looks badass in the rising sun. Oh, and we saw a desert fox being all mysterious on some rocks. Like the nomads we've become, me and Jonny then hit the road for Las Vegas - not an ideal place for a campervan.

It turns out that you can park in any of the casinos for free, so we picked one and it turned out we were right in the middle of the Strip. This is the weirdest city I've ever been to: people walk the streets drinking huge cocktails, they smoke cigarettes indoors, they walk past homeless people right outside the casinos where they'll spend hours throwing their money away into slot machines. And then there's the buildings. Pirate ships, castles, volcanoes, the Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower, the Grand Canal (complete with fake blue sky overhead so it feels like daytime all night), Roman palaces -they have everything just crammed together on this one road, with outdoor music and escalators to help you move from casino to casino. I put a dollar into a slot machine, and won twenty, which was pretty awesome. Vegas ain't dragging me under.

Me and Jonny spent some time playing arcade games, and spent our prize tickets on some tat from the gift shop (including fake tattoos for him and a sheriff's badge for me), before trying our very first oxygen bar on the Strip. The idea here is that you get tubes up your nose to breathe in oxygen from different coloured cylinders and it's supposed to energise you, while the girl walks up and down giving head massages. Nice. That evening we went to a Vegas comedy show, where Jonny built a little fortress out of our passports and wallets to hide the fact that we were drinking cocktails and so wouldn't get picked on by the comedians. We ended our night by just wandering the length of the strip, watching the volcano spout its lava, and the Bellagio fountains dance to Frank Sinatra. It was then we realised camping in the car park of the Linq casino might be a bad idea, what with the security racing round on segways, so we had to camp out by some casino in the middle of the desert - a real pain in the arse after such a long day.

The following morning started off with an unplanned detour to Hoover Dam; not much to say other than that it's an insanely big wall of concrete built in a big old gorge and it's bloody impressive. No wonder it's one the modern seven wonders of the world. We hit up a classic diner for some ranchos heuvos (I can't even tell you what that is, eggs and cheese and stuff) then rode our way along Route 66 in the sun, blasting Queen's greatest hits on the radio. I then fulfilled a dream I didn't know I had: camping in a Flintstones themed campsite. We drank beers round the campsite and listened to Mumford and Sons which was nice. (Although is it sexist that the campsite laundromat was called Wilma's laundry? You tell me...)

Conquering another classic American tourist landmark, me and John visited the Grand Canyon. It's big. Bigger than it looks on TV. It just stretches off as far as you can see, so obviously we took loads of touristy photos of ourselves, before visiting the geology museum right on the side of the cliff. The next couple of days was just road tripping through the desert back to California to visit Los Angeles, a city so big it's actually made up of 53 cities apparently. It's stupidly big, and not in a 'woah' Grand Canyon way but rather an 'urgh, it's just miles and miles of concrete strip malls' way. We slagged off the city quite a bit on our long drive through it. However, we finished the day driving through the Santa Monica Mountains to camp by the sea at Malibu - that, my friends, is a nice place to camp. Better than the truck stop from the night before, that's for sure.

I'm going to be honest, LA was not what I've seen in the movies. The traffic is horrendous, the pavements are packed, and to get between two places worth seeing it'll take you hours. We still managed to do some cool stuff though: open-top bus through Hollywood led by a tour guide in Slytherin robes, saw Nightmare Before Christmas at the El Capitan theatre with added snow and smoke effects etc., saw the red carpet premiere for Interstellar and even caught a glimpse of Matthew McConaughey, and walked along Santa Monica and Venice Beaches to work on our northern England tans. I'm sure there are many reasons to love LA, but it wasn't mine or Jonny's favourite city, meaning I felt even more guilty hopping on a plane to Fiji and leaving him there.