#Hookah Cakes

[jayyloyal]

[otomefiend]

Alfons Sylvatica

1st Year Birthday Story: A hollow mirror hides the truth in momentary pleasures.

So much goodness of Alfons' inner monologue. We learn more about him in a roundabout way. I just love the mix of naughty, sexy and sad. That cg is so pretty, I could have a full feature of Al and Kate making out with that backdrop. OOPS forgot to mention it's NSFW. 👀

I spent forever tinkering with some lines, and I'm still on the fence with how much of Al's formal speech I want to incorporate so here's a general comment that I might edit this and other stories.

~~~

Alfons: "You said you wanted to celebrate, didn't you?"

Kate: "I've never heard of celebrating with alcohol and hookah in a place like this..."

Sitting in a corner of a small, dimly lit private room of the local 'watering hole,' Kate chastised me in a hushed voice.

Alfons: "Ha-ha! Did you really think you were going to have a wholesome birthday party in a cake shop?" 🎶

Alfons: "Now, move closer if you'd be so kind."

Kate: "..... what? Why do I have to get on your lap ......?"

Alfons: "Because it's more fun this way, of course. You're so uncouth."

Alfons: "I'm a selfless man, but... you sincerely wished to celebrate with me."

Alfons: "I'm sure I'll make you feel thoroughly entertained."

Kate: "....ugh!"

(How sweet of her not to curse at me this instant)

Until now, dear 'Robin' had to lead a truly peaceful existence in that good world of hers.

(I have no idea how she found out about my birthday or why she wanted to celebrate it)

I had no reason to refuse if she just wanted to have a good time.

(Even more so if it is a moment of entertainment to comfort her in her challenging life with the crown)

Alfons: "If you want to celebrate with me, forget all the difficulties and think only of pleasure."

I wrapped my arms around her waist and let my fingers roam her spine, making her squirm and look flustered.

Kate: "Ah... no, you can't...! Not in here."

Alfons: "Oh? But it's good because it's 'here'."

Kate: "Eh...?"

Alfons: "You didn't follow me because you thought I was a gentleman who would protect your chastity, did you?"

Alfons: "Dressed so cute, you're like a cake on display."

Kate: "That's because you said we were going to a party."

Alfons: "I wasn't lying, 'Party' is the name of the venue."

Kate: "Wha.... nn!"

A strong shiver ran through her body as I moved my fingers over her bare arms.

Alfons: "Heh... I like your body. It's honest."

Kate: "Ugh, I'm going home."

Alfons: "You're so cold. Then, let's say I spend my birthday alone."

Alfons: "I declined all invitations for tonight because you said you would celebrate with me..."

Kate: "...um."

(Well, it's not true)

I wouldn't make any special arrangements with anyone just because it was my birthday.

Kate: "...will you promise me that you won't do anything indecent?"

Alfons: "I can't promise that. I'm often told that even my presence is indecent."

~~~

Later, after laughing at her choking on hookah and providing her with the most indecent step-by-step instructions, we arrived at home---

Perhaps it was the sweet and easy-drinking quality of the coctails, but their hefty alcohol content left her completely drunk.

~~~

Alfons: "Right. Here we are, Kate."

Kate: "Mhm.... thank you..."

After carrying her into her room, I slowly lowered her onto the bed.

As I gently brushed her hair away from her flushed cheeks, she narrowed her eyes in pleasure.

(Ah, so defenseless...)

(You're a bit too soft to live in the dark)

(Even if you're cautious, you'll still get hurt the moment you stick your head out)

I was sure there would be a lot of turmoil in her life from now on.

( ...... I can at least accompany you on a momentary diversion like today's)

Kate: "I'm sorry... Alfons... your birthday..."

Kate: "Happy birthday, congratula...tions."

Alfons: "Ah, you're slurring. Please, say it again cause it's awfully cute."

Kate: "Ugh... you're horrible..."

(What're you like... Since you're comfortably drunk, I should leave you alone, though...)

I sighed, looking at Kate, now dazed and shaking painfully.

I took off one of my gloves and gently touched her hot nape.

Alfons: "You are not drunk. Your head is clear, and you don't feel dizzy."

Kate: "....., .....ah....."

As I twisted reality with my power to forcibly alter perception, Kate's eyes immediately became clear again.

Kate: "I'm... feeling better, thank you."

Alfons: "To be clear, you just don't have symptoms. That doesn't mean I got rid of the alcohol from your system."

Kate: "This ability... It's really amazing."

She pondered on something in silence, then looked straight at me.

Alfons: "... what is it?"

Kate: "Do you use it to make everyone... feel at ease?"

Alfons: "Yes, well. Depends on the situation."

Kate: "Won't they become... over reliant on you, when you're showing them convenient illusions in times of distress?"

Alfons: "People like that certainly exist amongst them."

Kate: "...What do you do in such situations?

Alfons: "I have a contingency plan."

Kate: "Which is..?"

Alfons: "I just walk away."

Alfons: "People are surprisingly forgetful when you distance yourself."

Alfons: "Though I'm careful not to get them to the point of dependendency. It's too much trouble."

Kate: "...Still, why are you showing illusions like these...?"

Alfons: "One needs a little bit of entertainment in life, don't you agree?"

Kate: "... This sounds strangely altruistic."

Alfons: "Indeed. I'm the epitome of altruism."

Kate: "But it's irresponsible to run away."

Alfons: "Yeah, I'm also an irresponsible arsehole."

Kate: "Seriously..."

Kate: "That's how you keep me from getting too involved."

(---ah)

(She's far too observant)

Her direct gaze made me flinch at times.

Ever since she arrived at the castle, her heart has been busy with worries and fears.

She tried to confront things far too seriously, considering that, after all, it was only for a limited time.

Despite being fragile and soft, she had the strength to face her fear of getting hurt...

I was envious and, at the same time, a little --- scared.

Kate: "I thought I'd get an idea of who you are by asking you about your birthday memories, but..."

Kate: "With alcohol and hookah... and your indecent pranks... you managed to dodge it, didn't you?"

Alfons: "I like the term 'indecent pranks'. The way it sounds..."

Kate: "... see? You're doing it again..."

It couldn't be helped since the truth was nowhere to be found.

(Even the fact that today is my birthday I made it up on the day I met El)

I didn't even know my real birthday. Or where I was born. Not even my real name.

But I had no intention of seeking the truth.

(Whatever the truth is, eventually --)

Kate: "I'm... very interested in you."

Alfons: "Isn't it natural to be interested in indecent things?"

Kate: "No, it's not! That's not all...!"

Kate: "It's because sometimes your face looks empty --- just like now."

(... empty face)

(Mine...?)

Kate: "Therefore...... I'm curious as to why."

(-- ah)

(As expected, she's scary)

For a moment, I felt like I was about to be exposed, so I deliberately took a step back.

Alfons: "I'm touched that you were concerned about me."

She pursed her lips in frustration, as if she sensed that I was not going to answer her question.

Kate: "...I guess I didn't get to celebrate your birthday much today."

Kate: "Before we call it a day, is there anything you would like me to do?"

That was at least something I could respond to, feeling a growing sense of danger, heightened by her strong, searching gaze.

(I want her to have a hard time)

(I don't want her looking straight at me anymore)

Softly reaching my hand out, I touched the unprotected nape of her neck.

Kate: "... what---"

Alfons: "`Isn't it customary to kiss someone when celebrating their birthday?`"

Her strong gaze wavered and became dull.

Kate: "....ah,... "

Kate: "Yes, you're right... Sorry, I don't know how could I forget?"

(Yes, this is good)

(Once she wakes up from this illusion... she will have no desire to search for the truth about me)

Alfons: "It can happen to anyone... Now, come here, please."

As I lay down on her bed and invited her to join me, I could see Kate's throat go up and down.

She straddled me, lifting up her pretty, cake-like dress.

Alfons: "...passionately, please?"

Kate: "....yes....mn..."

A kiss with the sweet scent of a hookah.

When I pushed the tip of my tongue into her mouth, her shoulders shook in surprise --- followed by her enthusiastic response.

As I teased her inside, she reacted with honesty, guiding me to her pleasure spots.

Kate: "ah....ha.....?"

Her eyes wavered in confusion as I reached under her dress and stroked her thighs.

Was she already accustomed to 'indecent pranks' or had she become less vigilant?

Maybe it was because of the innocent wish to give me a passionate birthday kiss...

I was able to caress her body with little resistance.

(....how far will she let me go?)

(I only made her believe it was 'okay' to kiss me)

Kate: "Mm.....nn, n....!"

(She's so adorable)

I traced over her secret area through the underwear and slid my finger into the gap where the fabric had been shifted.

The kisses became more and more intense as I teased her wet spot ---

Kate: "Nn, no...!"

The moment I slipped my finger inside her, she recoiled and pushed back my chest.

Kate: "Birthday celebrations... are supposed to be just kisses, right!?"

She said so in a loud voice --

Kate: "....huh!? T-that... I-I..."

She seemed to realize the abnormality of her statement and suddenly put her hand over her mouth.

Katie: "What am I......doing now?"

Alfons: "What, you ask? Isn't it obvious...? It's a kiss to celebrate my birthday. Very passionate, I might add."

Kate: "What!? Why..."

She looked down at her body with a mixture of turmoil, pleasure and shame.

Kate: "Please remove your finger..."

Alfons: "Are you sure? Where it is right now... says not to pull it out."

Kate: "You used your ability....?"

Alfons: "Yes. I just fancied you to do my bidding."

Kate: "...!?"

Kate: "....You wanted me to kiss you?"

Her eyes twitched slightly in anticipation of the truth.

(...Please, don't look at me like that)

(You know it's going to hurt)

Alfons: "--No? I only wanted to toy with you using my power."

Kate: "...."

She glared at me with eyes still moist with pleasure.

(Pathetic and cute)

(I want this terrible experience make her forget about my birthday)

(I won't let her in)

Into my past, into my future, into my heart.

If I let her, who was fragile and gentle, step in too deep ---

I'm sure I would leave her with scars that never fade.

(There's only room for momentary pleasures between us)

(It's best for me and her that this doesn't go any further)

Alfons: "You have my sincere thanks for the birthday wishes."

In a daze, she watched me leave the room.

~~~

The reflection of my lips on the windowpane showed traces of her rouge.

(She went so far as to put on beautiful makeup just because she was going to a party with me... how adorable)

Why did I make her kiss me when there were other ways to keep her from getting too close?

Kate: "....You wanted me to kiss you?"

(... not a chance)

Alfons: "Impossible."

Traced with my fingertips, the red colour spread to the skin,

From the mark that would disappear by tomorrow morning --

I couldn't take my eyes off it for some reason.

~~~

The letter

[lsleofthelost]

once again, im here with set pictures, info from the set designer, Mark Hofeling, and my own commentary on it. this time, i wanna share stuff on Isle of the Lost from Descendants 2.

post about Isle of the Lost in part one

post about Maleficent's castle

Ursula's Fish and Chips Shoppe:

About Ursula's place: "Like all the imprisoned villains on the Isle of the Lost, Ursula has had to find a way to make ends meet. Thus her Fish and Chips Shoppe is right at the tide line of the prison island. I wanted the feel of a faded old carnival attraction, still alluring despite its decay."

"Uma (China Anne McClain) and her pirate gang, including her trusted lieutenants Harry Hook (Thomas Doherty) and Gil (Dylan Playfair) rally to take back what is theirs in Uma's mother's dingy tidal pool of a Fish and Chips Shoppe."

"A detail of the menu board and specials in Ursula's Fish and Chips Shoppe."

i think this gives us info on the money on the Isle. there are two units, m and n, and there are a 100n in 1m. i think the prices are comprable to us dollars back like 30-40 years ago? which further supports my theory that the Isle is stuck in the past, in the time of their imprisonment. the menu itself has some genuine regular items, like fish cakes, dumplings, but most of them are isle specials, like pond scum, shell smell, and gulf goo. which i think is hilarious considering Ursula and Uma still just serve them whatever.

"A detail of Uma's coral throne."

Isle of the Lost:

"A view of Low Tide Lane on the Isle of the Lost. Having been an isolated prison island for decades now, the idea was that every slat and board is on its 9th or 10th life, and every object not screwed down had changed grubby hands hundreds of times."

they kept the dirty candy colour palette! and i love how they truly kept to the 'everything is used and stolen 10 times over' philosophy.

this is the Bazaar, which is another market on the Isle. there is one in the main square and then this is the one closer to the docks, we can see Mal riding through it in D2. here, we once again see the money measurement. and i think it's intereting to see that crab and potatoes are priced higher than other things. i also like the 'satisfaction no guaranteed' sign.

Curl Up and Dye:

"Drizella's Curl Up and Dye on the Isle of the Lost is where Mal and Evie load up on chemicals for their showdown with Uma's pirate gang. So more than a hair salon as absurd as the rest of the Isle, it also had to be a repository for all kinds of chemistry and alchemy. The idea here was that out of every 100 of young Dizzy's experimental, chemical beauty concoctions, 99 blow up."

"The ever-unpredictable dye distillery."

"A detail of the dry chemistry set up."

i like that the base for this is a rough finish, like a construction before any renovation. and then its just neon splashes and broken mirrors from Dizzy's experiments. also i like the note that it's more chem lab than a salon.

Rotten four's hideout:

"The VK's hideout was always a place of respite from their raging and overbearing parents. It's where the VK's purloined all the best stuff on the Isle, and where Mal perfected her street art. "

this is Mal's room! which confirms for me that she doesn't live with her mother, at least not full time.

im kinda sad that we didn't get a view of the side with all those board games (kitchen, i think?) but even just these pictures are full of interesting details! as far as i saw only Mal's and Jay's 'Long Live Evil' tags are on the walls, i think it's because it was theirs first. i like the thorns that are circling the walls, like Maleficent's thorns around Sleeping Beauty's castle. they have some kind of an old school sound system, too! which i can i assume they use when throwing parties. and there are bikes, probably repaired 10 times over, but prised nonetheless. also, i thought that the green lamp in Mal's room is a hookah lol

Uma's ship:

"Uma and her pirate gang rule the rotting docks and rocky edge of the Isle of the Lost."

"Uma's HQ is this ruined pirate ship. After all the Disney Villains were relocated to the Isle of the Lost, all the ships that brought them were scuttled and they were all locked behind an enchanted barrier. So this is one of many wrecks in these waters, including the sails of the ship, rammed into her side. We found real tall-ship riggers for this work, and they used 10,000 feet of rope in the process."

i love that they really rigged that ship! i think it's a detail that shows that Uma's pirates are real professionals.

"This photo shows the "rickety" and treacherous landscape of the rotten docksides. This became the setting of a 20 person melee to rescue King Ben and escape the Isle and Uma's vengeful clutches."

we can see Uma's 'We ride with the tide' tag in the bg, signifying that this is her territory.

there are a lot of cool details but what i'm focusing on here are the old school washing machines, again showing us how the Isle is frozen in time. im assuming theyre on the docks because this is where the water is.

i am looking to make another post with details from D3, here's hoping i'll get to it sooner than i did this follow up

[story-telling]

How I think the characters of Alice in wonderland 1951 will comfort you on a bad day ☕️

No trigger warnings! Sfw only!

Alice

Alice would definitely use distraction to help you. When you tell her that your feeling bad or that your having a bad day she will be a tad confused on what to do but instantly snap to it and ask if you want to talk about it or play with her. She would take your hand and make daisy chains with you while singing songs together. She will sit down and talk your ear off about nonsensical stories she made up and you will feel encouraged to make them up with her as she goes along.

If you chose to talk to her about your day she wouldn’t completely understand due to her age being so young but she would listen and let you talk and try and give you advice, even though it may be wrong.

The Mad Hatter

When you tell the hatter you’re having a bad day he would instantly make you a cup of tea and give you a hug and stroke your hair. He would reassure you that everything will be okay and tell silly little jokes to try and make you crack a smile. While he holds you he will hum a little soothing tune and tell you that there is always tomorrow and that you did well today.

The March hare and dormouse would also be there. The dormouse would advice taking a nap as they always seem to help him and the March hare would bake you some cookies or a cake, they would also sing the happy unbirthday song to you and give you a flower as a present 🌸

The Cheshire Cat

He would ask you to sit and talk about your day and your problems and he would listen and help you navigate your big emotions in a silly whimsical way. He doesn’t like to see people upset so he would try and show off some of his disappearing acts to cheer you up and then offer to take a walk into tulgey wood to clear your head. As you two walk he would put his tail around your back as a soothing technique but he would keep his distance if you didn’t want any contact. He understands boundaries more than anyone in wonderland and never wishes to break them.

The Queen of Hearts

She doesn’t really understand emotions and doesn’t care for people in general. However she wouldn’t dismiss you if you asked for a little pick me up. She would offer to play croquet as that’s something that cheers her up often. However even though you’re sad you still have to let her win otherwise who knows what hell will erupt. She will listen to your problems and give her advice, considering how violent she can be (maybe don’t take her advice). She may sit with you and offer one of her hedgehogs to pet as a soothing technique while you calm yourself down.

The Caterpillar

He doesn’t really bother with emotions all that much but he does have a soft spot for people once he gets to know them. Usually he may offer a puff of his hookah and tell them it’ll help or tell them to lay on mushroom along side him while they talk nonsense occasionally showing off his skills of puffing cloud shapes.

The White Rabbit

The white rabbit is quite good with comforting people when they are overwhelmed or sad, he will take you to his little cottage and sit in the kitchen with you and offer you a drink (not a cookie though) he may offer you some carrot cake along side it and he will listen to you, occasionally he will get a little panicky over silly things and calm himself down so you can continue talking further. He may invite you to tend to his garden with him so you can do something fun and enriching.

The Tweedles

Now these twins know exactly how to cheer up a sad person. They will create their own little show and dance and sing and play games. Anything and everything to make sure you were no longer sad, they wouldn’t sing the walrus and the carpenter as that is a sad tale but they may sing “you are old father William” and do their little dance together. They would even let you join in on occasion

The Flowers

They wouldn’t give a flying fuck. Let’s be honest here. They would laugh at your misery 💀. They’d probs think your a weed and kick you out

🌸To the people who read this! Thank you so much! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!🌸

[mirrormazeworld]

TWST Theory : Deep Analysis Based on Alice in Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass - Crowley The Mad Hatter (part 1)

⚠️WARNING⚠️

⚠️CONTAINS SPOILER CHAPTER 6 AND 7⚠️

⚠️VERY COMPLICATED TWST THEORY, MIGHT GIVES YOU HEADACHE, PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK ⚠️

Note:

You've read this far, congratulations! Beware that this is the longest and most difficult part to understand out of all parts it might give you headaches if you're not ready. (It's ok, I can't take it as well myself that I almost cried when I wrote this) Keep in mind that I have little to no evidence, therefore this theory is my original theory and purely just my assumptions so please take it with the grain of salt (as usual).

Before I explain, I want to say that I did this analysis and research purely because I want a base to make a hc for Crowley for my own fanfic/yumeship since we have little to no information about him. I just feel the need to get it all off my head and share it here because of how complicated it is and to better understand what kind of Crowley he is in my lore that I created, since how I see of Crowley is very different compared to how most people see Crowley. Most people see him as the mastermind, a very evil villain to the point most people in the fandom hate him unreasonably. I can guess it's because of almost all people in the fandom, both JP and EN side doesn't know what twisted he is and he is just mysterious and ambiguous that he is misunderstood.

Crowley has been believed for a long time as twisted from Diablo, Maleficent's raven because of his name. Some also suspected he's the crow in Snow White. Even so there's no telling of what he is twisted from. And don't you think it's a bit weird when both Diablo and the crow in Snow White role actually doesn't really have that much significance in their respective stories while we know Crowley would play a great part in twst as he is still the Headmaster of NRC. I'm sure twst fans have been dying to know what he is supposed to be for almost 3 years including myself, but I've always believed he is actually also twisted of something else other than Diablo and today I'm going to share my own analysis and hc of Crowley that hopefully would help you understand him and his character better, and that is :

Dire Crowley : Twisted of Mad Hatter

A long time ago I was just thinking, if Yuu supposed to be Alice that comes to a Wonderland, surely there should be Mad Hatter somewhere...? And then I remembered someone that seems to wear hat everywhere no matter the circumstances...

That's right, it's the Headmage of NRC, Dire Crowley.

And isn't it kind of weird that his hat is similar to that of Ramshackle ghost's? As if the clue is there in front of your eyes.

So I decided to look at it further and found something interesting....

Alice in Wonderland : The World of Math

Alice in Wonderland is a children's book because of its fantasy like story, but if you're a true book lover, you'll know that Alice in Wonderland is a book full of riddles. There are a lot of english wordplay but what not many people know is that most of the riddles in Alice in Wonderland are related to Math, as Carroll is also the Math Logician.

I won't explain much but this is an example of the math riddle in Alice in Wonderland (you can skip this part if it's too much. I just want to show you) :

In the chapter of "Advice from Caterpillar", Alice has fallen down the rabbit hole and eaten a cake that has shrunk her to a height of just 3 inches. The Caterpillar enters, smoking a hookah pipe, and shows Alice a mushroom that can restore her to her proper size. But one side of the mushroom stretches her neck, while another shrinks her torso, so she must eat exactly the right balance to regain her proper size and proportions. The word "hookah" is of Arabic origin, like "algebra", and the original Arabic term for algebra, widely known and used in the mathematical community in Carroll's time, was al jebr e al mokabala or "restoration and reduction" - which exactly describes Alice's experience. It's Carroll's view of the absurdity of symbolic algebra.

The reason why I strongly believe Crowley is/was the one who looped/rewind the time is because I suspect he is the Mad Hatter. I have always been drawing him based on this thoughts in my mind and of course it's not without reason. Every scenes in Alice in Wonderland contains riddles in it and most of them goes by math logic. And from all of those riddles, the "A Mad Tea Party" from Alice in Wonderland and "Wool and Water" from Through The Looking Glass are the only scenes that tells time in wonderland specifically that made Alice realizes time in Wonderland goes differently from her own world.

In one interview, Yana said it herself that she learned so much from Lewis Carroll's style of story telling. Carroll's background in Math and his interest in literatures allowed him to criticize ideas at that time through his Wonderland stories. This is what his story telling style is like when he made "Alice in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass". Doing analysis on Dire Crowley means that I should solve the riddle first and then do an actual analysis on him.

Now you know that Alice in Wonderland is about Math, so from this onwards, I'm going to do explanation how to solve the riddle while also explaining about Crowley along the way

Note : I'm not a Mathematician nor a Physician so there might be other things that I have no idea about but I'll do my best to explain the math riddle to you...

Mad Hatter and His Relation to Time

-Time for a T-Party : "A Mad Tea Party"- (Alice in Wonderland)

“It began with the tea,” the Hatter replied.

“Of course twinkling begins with a T!” said the King sharply. “Do you take me for a dunce? Go on!”

When you read "Tea Party" it sounds the same as "T-Party". "T" is the math symbol of "Time" in mathematics. At the time when Alice in Wonderland was written and published, a mathematician, Sir William Rowan Hamilton (1805–1865) invented "quaternion", a four dimensional extension to complex number that also represent rotations and orientation happening to the four dimensional object in three dimensional space.

To put it simply, quaternion is a four number system in mathematics that shows what happened to 3D objects if they are in timespace (4th dimension)

Note :

To make it easier to understand :

...-2.5,-2,-1, 0, 1, 2, 2.5...-> is real number

3.14 + 1.59i -> is complex number

3.23 + 8.46i + 2.64j + 3.38k -> is quaternion

The 1st dimension that represented by real numbers system is line.

The 2nd dimension that represented by complex number system are two-dimensional shapes (ex : rectangle, trapezoid)

The 3rd dimension that represented by adding one more imaginary dimension are three-dimensional shapes (ex : sphere, cube)

The 4th dimension that represented by adding two more imaginary dimension to complex number is timespace.

Quaternion is a four number system in the form of

q = a + bi + cj + dk

Where a , b , c , d are real numbers and i , j , k are "imaginary" unit hence why quaternion is also called "imaginary mathematics".

In Crowley's voice clip, he said :

Not only "imagination" is the key to use magic in Twisted Wonderland, this "imagination" might have relevance to something else as well but I'll skip this part for now and will explain it later in the last part. Just remember that this "imagination" is the key word to this theory and will guide you when you read further.

In 3D, 3 dimensional consist of 3 axis : length, width, and depth. In 4D, there's a fourth axis : Time.

Hamilton spent much of his life seeking a three-dimensional number system analogous to the complex numbers. He added two imaginary dimensions, (2.64j)and (3.38k) to the complex number (3.23 + 8.46i). Three imaginary dimensions describing spaces, and the real numbers sitting perpendicular to that in some kind of fourth dimension.

Hamilton said, if you take this time parameter out of these numbers, then the numbers would just keep rotating around － they won't go anywhere, like the characters rotating round and round the tea party, round and round the table.

“Ah! that accounts for it,” said the Hatter. “He won’t stand beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he’d do almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o’clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: you’d only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!”

(“I only wish it was,” the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.)

“That would be grand, certainly,” said Alice thoughtfully: “but then—I shouldn’t be hungry for it, you know.”

“Not at first, perhaps,” said the Hatter: “but you could keep it to half-past one as long as you liked.”

“Is that the way you manage?” Alice asked.

The Hatter shook his head mournfully. “Not I!” he replied. “We quarrelled last March—just before he went mad, you know—” (pointing with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) “—it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing

‘Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!

How I wonder what you’re at!’

You know the song, perhaps?”

“I’ve heard something like it,” said Alice.

“It goes on, you know,” the Hatter continued, “in this way:—

‘Up above the world you fly,

Like a tea-tray in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle—’”

Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep “Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle—” and went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop.

“Well, I’d hardly finished the first verse,” said the Hatter, “when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, ‘He’s murdering the time! Off with his head!’”

“How dreadfully savage!” exclaimed Alice.

“And ever since that,” the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, “he won’t do a thing I ask! It’s always six o’clock now.”

A bright idea came into Alice’s head. “Is that the reason so many tea-things are put out here?” she asked.

“Yes, that’s it,” said the Hatter with a sigh: “it’s always tea-time, and we’ve no time to wash the things between whiles.”

“Then you keep moving round, I suppose?” said Alice.

“Exactly so,” said the Hatter: “as the things get used up.”

“But what happens when you come to the beginning again?” Alice ventured to ask.

“Suppose we change the subject,” the March Hare interrupted, yawning. “I’m getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.”

Related to this scene, Hatter, Hare and Dormouse represent three terms of a quaternion, and the fourth term, Time, is absent because Hatter was upsetting the Time. Time won't allow those three to move past tea time and they can only move round the table in a loop, just like Hamilton attempts to calculate motion before the 4th dimension of time was added.

- Wool and Water - (Through the Looking Glass)

‘That’s the effect of living backwards,’ the Queen said kindly: ‘it always makes one a little giddy at first—’

‘Living backwards!’ Alice repeated in great astonishment. ‘I never heard of such a thing!’

‘—but there’s one great advantage in it, that one’s memory works both ways.’

‘I’m sure mine only works one way,’ Alice remarked. ‘I can’t remember things before they happen.’

‘It’s a poor sort of memory that only works backwards,’ the Queen remarked.

‘What sort of things do you remember best?’ Alice ventured to ask.

‘Oh, things that happened the week after next,’ the Queen replied in a careless tone. ‘For instance, now,’ she went on, sticking a large piece of plaster on her finger as she spoke, ‘there’s the King’s Messenger. He’s in prison now, being punished: and the trial doesn’t even begin till next Wednesday: and of course the crime comes last of all.’

‘Suppose he never commits the crime?’ said Alice.

‘That would be all the better, wouldn’t it?’ the Queen said, as she bound the plaster round her finger with a bit of ribbon.

Alice felt there was no denying that. ‘Of course it would be all the better,’ she said: ‘but it wouldn’t be all the better his being punished.’

‘You’re wrong there, at any rate,’ said the Queen: ‘were you ever punished?’

‘Only for faults,’ said Alice.

‘And you were all the better for it, I know!’ the Queen said triumphantly.

‘Yes, but then I had done the things I was punished for,’ said Alice: ‘that makes all the difference.’

‘But if you hadn’t done them,’ the Queen said, ‘that would have been better still; better, and better, and better!’ Her voice went higher with each ‘better,’ till it got quite to a squeak at last.

Alice was just beginning to say ‘There’s a mistake somewhere—,’ when the Queen began screaming so loud that she had to leave the sentence unfinished. ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ shouted the Queen, shaking her hand about as if she wanted to shake it off. ‘My finger’s bleeding! Oh, oh, oh, oh!’

Her screams were so exactly like the whistle of a steam-engine, that Alice had to hold both her hands over her ears.

‘What is the matter?’ she said, as soon as there was a chance of making herself heard. ‘Have you pricked your finger?’

‘I haven’t pricked it yet,’ the Queen said, ‘but I soon shall—oh, oh, oh!’

‘When do you expect to do it?’ Alice asked, feeling very much inclined to laugh.

‘When I fasten my shawl again,’ the poor Queen groaned out: ‘the brooch will come undone directly. Oh, oh!’ As she said the words the brooch flew open, and the Queen clutched wildly at it, and tried to clasp it again.

‘Take care!’ cried Alice. ‘You’re holding it all crooked!’ And she caught at the brooch; but it was too late: the pin had slipped, and the Queen had pricked her finger.

‘That accounts for the bleeding, you see,’ she said to Alice with a smile. ‘Now you understand the way things happen here.’

The Wool and Water chapter from "Through the Looking Glass" is another chapter that gives a hint to Alice about time, particularly how time in the mirror world goes (it's moving backwards). Similar to how "A Mad Tea-Party" chapter in "Alice in Wonderland" does.

This chapter also mentioned the "King's Messenger" who is in prison and is being punished, which later in chapter "The Lion and The Unicorn" turns out to be "Hatta", the "Hatter" in "Through The Looking Glass" (and he is still drinking tea just like the "Hatter" in "Alice in Wonderland"). This chapter is the first time where Hatter (now Hatta) being mentioned in "Through The Looking Glass".

Mad Hatter, Crow, and Raven : The Key to Time is the Corvid

The first thing Hatter said when he met Alice for the first time was :

“Why is a raven like a writing desk?”

Carroll said, all the riddles in his books aren't actually meant to be solved therefore he never gave an answer to it for the readers of his works. But interestingly later, from all of his riddles this one riddle became the only riddle that has an answer from Carroll himself since his readers were so persistent. Here's what he said :

Enquiries have been so often addressed to me, as to whether any answer to the Hatter's Riddle can be imagined, that I may as well put on record here what seems to me to be a fairly appropriate answer, viz:

'Because it can produce a few notes, tho they are very flat; and it is nevar put with the wrong end in front!' This, however, is merely an afterthought; the Riddle, as originally invented, had no answer at all.

He wasn't actually giving the answer, but he was giving a hint on how to solve the riddle by ourself.

The answer to the riddle is like his other poem riddles where each sentence has a single word meaning – a charade.

'Because it can produce a few notes, tho they are very flat;'

This first sentence in a single word describes a ‘letter’.

'and it is nevar put with the wrong end in front!'

The second sentence in a single word is simply ‘backwards’.

The word ‘Letter’ has a double meaning of one you send in the post or one in the alphabet.

When you read the letters in the word "nevar" in backwards, it will be "raven"

This answer related to Hatter's riddle on Carroll's first publication had never intentionally misspelt with a letter ‘a’ which is Raven spelt with the wrong end in front. He was describing the word ‘backwards’ in his second sentence just like his other charade poems.

Carroll is good at saying something with double meanings so the hint doesn't end there in the charade just like that. The second sentence, when you read the sentence just as it is 'and it is nevar put with the wrong end in front!' with your focus on the word "nevar" means that "The wrong end in front isn't the same as the end in back"

This refers to the order of multiplication in quaternion which is non-commutative. Quaternion represents rotations and orientation happening to the four dimensional object in three dimensional space. Swapping the order on how you do the multiplication will changes the answer.

If you do the multiplication clockwise, it will gives you positive answer : i x j = k

If you do the multiplication counter-clockwise, it will gives you negative answer : j x i = -k

Hence in quaternion i x j is not the same as j x i

( i x j ≠ j x i )

This non-commutative order of multiplication in quaternion later implied by what Hatter said after he asked the riddle to Alice.

“Not the same thing a bit!” said the Hatter. “You might just as well say that ‘I see what I eat’ is the same thing as ‘I eat what I see’!”

“You might just as well say,” added the March Hare, “that ‘I like what I get’ is the same thing as ‘I get what I like’!”

“You might just as well say,” added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep, “that ‘I breathe when I sleep’ is the same thing as ‘I sleep when I breathe’!”

“It is the same thing with you,” said the Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn’t much.

Additionally, in "Through The Looking Glass" (the scene in 'Wool and Water') where Alice finally realized how the time goes in the world behind the mirror was happened when a giant crow covered the sky so it feels like it's nighttime, and the crow goes away after White Queen explained how time goes in through the looking glass.

By this time it was getting light. ‘The crow must have flown away, I think,’ said Alice: ‘I’m so glad it’s gone. I thought it was the night coming on.’

The giant crow appeared at the last part of the previous chapter of Wool and Water, 'Tweedledum and Tweedledee'

It was getting dark so suddenly that Alice thought there must be a thunderstorm coming on. ‘What a thick black cloud that is!’ she said. ‘And how fast it comes! Why, I do believe it’s got wings!’

‘It’s the crow!’ Tweedledum cried out in a shrill voice of alarm: and the two brothers took to their heels and were out of sight in a moment.

Alice ran a little way into the wood, and stopped under a large tree. ‘It can never get at me here,’ she thought: ‘it’s far too large to squeeze itself in among the trees. But I wish it wouldn’t flap its wings so—it makes quite a hurricane in the wood—here’s somebody’s shawl being blown away!’

In 'Wool and Water' White Queen said to Alice:

‘I’m sure I’ll take you with pleasure!’ the Queen said. ‘Twopence a week, and jam every other day.’

Alice couldn’t help laughing, as she said, ‘I don’t want you to hire me—and I don’t care for jam.’

‘It’s very good jam,’ said the Queen.

‘Well, I don’t want any to-day, at any rate.’

‘You couldn’t have it if you did want it,’ the Queen said. ‘The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday—but never jam to-day.’

‘It must come sometimes to “jam to-day,”’ Alice objected.

‘No, it can’t,’ said the Queen. ‘It’s jam every other day: to-day isn’t any other day, you know.’

‘I don’t understand you,’ said Alice. ‘It’s dreadfully confusing!’

‘That’s the effect of living backwards,’ the Queen said kindly: ‘it always makes one a little giddy at first—’

She said 'That's the effect of living backwards'

If we look back at "A Mad Tea Party" from Alice in Wonderland, these chapter are related to each other and those are :

‘Twopence a week, and jam every other day.’

The King’s Messenger (Hatta) who was in prison and being punished when this dialogue happened, White Queen said his trial doesn’t even begin till next Wednesday. Wednesday is the 3rd day of the week. If you multiply twopence by 3, you'll get 6 pence, which can be refered to the cost of the Hatter's hat, the price tag on the hat he wears. 10 shillings, 6 pence (10/6)

‘No, it can’t,’ said the Queen. ‘It’s jam every other day: to-day isn’t any other day, you know.’

The word 'jam' in english can also means 'stuck'. And in addition to the 6 in sixpence and how the White Queen talks about the King's messenger who is in prison afterwards, this is referring to the Hatter in 'Alice in Wonderland' who is stuck in time and becomes the prisoner of time, since he can't move past 6 o’clock (tea time)

And then the 'to-day isn’t any other day' part once again refers to the order of multiplication in quaternion which is non-commutative.

Interestingly In chapter 6 of twst, Crowley also get "arrested" to the Island of Woe along with overblot students and got stuck there. He is helpless and can't do anything about it. Just like Hatter in mad tea party and when Hatta is imprisoned.

Crowley's name, "Dire Crowley" was formed from the wordplay of Japanese katakana just like how Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass are full of wordplay. When being translated to Japanese, his name becomes

" ディア・クロウリ"

read : "Dia Kurouri"

Crowley's first name, Dire, has been retconned to be pronounced as "Dia" for katakana wordplay that makes it extremely similar to "Diablo", the name of Maleficient's raven in Sleeping Beauty when being read.

ディアブロ = Diaboro (Diablo)

ディアクロ = Dia Kuro

The riddle "Raven like a writing desk", particularly the word "Raven" is the key that refers to the never-ending mad tea party. Is this why Crowley always says he is kind because the collective name for Ravens is an Unkindness which is also Hatter's personal remarks about Alice's hair?

The name "Dire Crowley" also contains the word "Crow" in it. In addition to the crow being a hint in Through The Looking Glass that refers back to the Mad Tea Party, in the chapter of "A Mad Tea Party" from Alice in Wonderland, Hatter said :

“Well, I’d hardly finished the first verse,” said the Hatter, “when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, ‘He’s murdering the time! Off with his head!’”

Here the Hatter was being accused of 'murdering' the Time rather than just killing time, and hence the tea party being stopped at tea time. You know what is the collective noun for Crows? That's right, a murder of Crows.

Seeing how his name can form both "Crow" and "Raven", the key answer to the Mad Hatter riddle that relates to time and 4th dimension means that the key to another dimension (which also means a way for Yuu to go back home) is actually Crowley himself.

All this time, it's not that he doesn't know how to send Yuu back home and doesn't want to find a way for Yuu to go back. He knows from the very beginning ever since Yuu came to Twisted Wonderland because it was Crowley himself who summoned them. There's really no need for him to search a way for Yuu to go back to their world because he already knows. But just like every unique magic which has their own condition to work and its limitations no matter how powerful it is, Crowley's unique magic also has its limitations and can only be done in certain condition, which I'm going to explain later.

Also, if you didn't skip anything when you read this part, you will notice that Hatter/Hatta seems to always has trouble with laws. Just like Crowley does.

Crowley and His Connection to Blot : Mad Hatter Disease

The idiom “mad as a hatter” was around long before Carroll started writing. Colloquially used to describe an eccentric person, “mad as a hatter” is based on a problem that arose in the 1800s when hat companies used mercury in the hat-making process. The mercury got into their systems and they went insane, hence the term “mad as a hatter”.

The real milliners (hatters) in the old days used mercury at cluing the felt in hats making. During that process some of that mercury vaporized and the felt maker/ milliner accidently breathed some of that. And when they were exposed to mercury for many years it really started affecting them: skin began to pale down, nails began to gain some "yellowish" color, hair started to become fuzzy. Even pupils could become dilated. This is what later is called "Mad Hatter Syndrome/Disease"

The effect of Mercury on human bodies seems to be similar with overblot in Twisted Wonderland, since those who are overbloting will have change in their appearance (skin began to pale down), changes in behaviour and goes insane.

When this theory is written, we still don't know whether Lilia's magic is depleted because of old age or something else, but if it's because of old age, why does Crowley can still use magic in game (refer to Ortho's R vignette) while it seems like he is at the same age as Lilia or maybe even older?

Paler skin is one of the change in appearance for those who are overbloting. The fact that Crowley's skin tone is paler than even for normal faes (his skin shade is more of grayish rather than brownish when being compared to Malleus and Lilia) means that he might have been exposed to blot for a very long time just like the hatter in 1800s.

There're two possibilities why Crowley covers upper half of his face:

1. He is immortal.

This refers to Mad Hatter when he sings at the great concert given by Queen of Hearts and later accused for murdering the time by her. He should have been beheaded at that time, but somehow managed to escape and still alive and later having tea party with March Hare and Dormouse and can't move from there.

In "A Mad Tea Party" (chapter 7 of Alice in Wonderland) :

“Well, I’d hardly finished the first verse,” said the Hatter, “when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, ‘He’s murdering the time! Off with his head!’”

And in "Who Stole The Tarts" (chapter 11 of Alice in Wonderland) :

All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers of the court, “Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!” on which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.

2. It really is just my guess but if Crowley's magic has been depleted a long time ago just like Lilia, what if, the reason why even until now he can still uses magic is because he reuses magic excess, blot to perform magic and constantly poisoning himself with it just like hatters in 1800s?

As Mad Hatter, he might have immunity to blot just like Idia with his burning hair (his body can burn and cleanse blot) that it won't affect his mental state because his logic is already beyond comprehension and thus, technically he can't overblot (that's why he doesn't have phantom with him) since he is already "mad" even before he poisoned himself. But even though the blot doesn't affect his mental state, it still affects his body and his body starts to resemble those who overblot. His skin becomes paler, his lips turns black, and blot mark appears around his eyes so that he will need to cover it to hide it. That would also explain why in the prologue when he brought Yuu to Twisted Wonderland he says he is running out of time because his body is already at its limit.

Below is the explanation of blot by Crowley :

And explanation by Idia indicating that blot is a toxic substance.

Yeah, I know this is not the only explanation from Idia about blot. I chose this one for this part because even though I want to explain further since there's still something more about Crowley I need to explain, Tumblr decided to say no as I can't upload more photos(already reaching its limit). I want to explain my personal opinion about Crowley's intention based on my endless research on him for years but I guess this is it.

End Note : Originally I intended to explain it in one go and finish it all here in this part because it still connected to each other but I guess I'll still need to split it into two parts. I promise I'll explain the rest on the last part of this theory/analysis. Besides I'm afraid I might really break your brain if I do explain it all in one go so this is all for now.

[zestyaahbutler]

Give us some Amulya facts that you haven't told us~ Also, perhaps some Amulya x Walter stuff too???

Aaaaaa! Crown I'm so sorry it took me so long to answer this 🥲. I super appreciate u asking this and I was meaning to for a long while. I love talking about my gal.

Amulya Facts

Amulya’s favorite dessert is opera cake

She is mainly a vegetarian due to religious and personal reasons. Though she does rarely eat fish. Amulya would be giving Arthur the side eye if he ever ordered anything with beef. Not that she’d force him to give up that or meat in general, but she does think it would be nice.

Amulya is a pretty good cook. Her first few months at the Hellsing estate felt very off as she wasn’t used to all of her meals being cooked by someone else. She often got home sick, so she took to the kitchen herself. She showed some of the recipes from where she’s from to the staff and even got taught some recipes herself.

Quite the unconventional fashionista. She dresses in patterned tights and bright coloured clothing. It was a way to know she just looked cute if anyone was staring at her. She never felt the need to dress older than she actually was.

Her and Arthur often correlated their outfits to each other. They are both eccentric dumbasses. So if he had certain colours in his attire, Amulya most likely has the same in hers.

She still wore saris for daily wear and especially when going out to parties.

Unlike Arthur, who drank quite a bit, she abstained from drinking alcohol.

Her favorite kind of tea is peppermint

She originally started her garden with herbs for cooking and to make various teas.

Girl can take her spices

Her psychiatrist is a cannibal

She teases Arthur about his age. He often makes references to books, movies, and (radio)shows she’s never read, seen, or heard. She does her part in learning about his interests, such as reading books in the mystery genre.

Amulya gets along with most of the roundtable members even if she didn’t know what they exactly did for a while. Pennwood and Islands were the ones she knew the best. Pennwood was actually able to talk to her about topics she was interested in since he had a daughter around her age. Islands was a little harder to talk to. He is much more serious compared to Pennwood. Still polite, but he was just much more intimidating and difficult to make a joke around. He did make an effort to ask her about her culture.

Amulya cut her hair a few months after having Integra, so she was rocking some shoulder-length hair for a while.

She smokes from a hookah occasionally. Not at all when she was pregnant.

Amulya is wildly affectionate with those she cares about. Being physically affectionate isn’t looked at the best in her culture, but she found it's her love language. Her 2nd love language is buying gifts.

She loves Talking Heads (the band)

Amulya x Walter Junk💕

She barged into Walters office often so she’d have someone to talk to if the female employees weren’t free.

She has a very recognizable knock to him. He mentioned it to her once before, so she once tried to run in quickly to catch him off guard. This resulted in her hitting her side on the edge of a table near the door.

Integra coincidentally has the same knock as her. Sometimes, he is expecting to see Amulya come through the door even after she passed.

She would take naps in his office since he has a couch in there. (Yes, guys, i have a certain view of how I think Walters office would look)

Going on shopping trips with Walter was tricky. He’s a little conservative with his preferences. Her picking out a miniskirt would be a major conflict. He feels pressured to tell her she looks great in it. She does look great in it. But he also can’t be too forward with it.

Amulya would lean over Walter’s shoulder to get a closer view of what he’s exactly working on. Most paperwork had supernatural terms, but she assumed they were code words.

If Walter ever came to the garden with his suit on, she’d spray him with a hose and tell him to put on something he can get dirty in. He’d go back into the mansion soaked, salty, but smiling.

Amulya and Walter would sometimes get asked if they were a couple when he accompanied her in the city. Amulya responded for them both with a polite “no.”

Amulya once asked Walter why he isn’t married. This resulted in him explaining one long-term relationship he had with a German girl. It didn’t last due to her pulling away from him and even rejecting one of his proposals. Amulya, while eager to hear about Walter’s life, felt a slight stab of jealousy whenever he mentioned her.

Amulya, Walter, and babytegra would nap together. Amulya was able to reason with him that it's fine to take a break during his busy day. Amulya would also join in if she ever saw them already snoozing.

Whenever she would sit with Walter in the garden and fall asleep, she held his hand. He would be able to feel her grip loosen when she had eventually dozed off.

[mareposie]

We need a Thanksgiving or a Christmas at the Moriartys’ chapter, something with a dramatic dinner because I know it would be iconic, everyone has so much potential to be dramatic.

William : Dear, may I have the salt please ?

*Sherlock and Louis both try to grab the salt* *Moran pretends he wanted to grab the pepper and put it on his food against his will*

or

Bonde : I got you expensive cigars for Christmas and some mint candies. And perhaps some face lotions because all that smoking makes you look tired.

Moran : Bonde, you don’t like cigarettes but I know you would love a good hookah.

Moneypenny : Obviously, you know a lot about hookers. *pours a whole glass of wine and Albert laughs*

or

John : I can’t wait to eat the turkey and the chocolate cake !

Sherlock : Eat slowly, you still have some pasta sauce on your lips haha

John : How funny, you still have some white powder on your nose by the way

*silence in the room*

or

Jack : Albert and I spend the entire day in the kitchen, so I hope you will enjoy this food

Fred : Albert was watching you while you were cooking right ?

Moran : Right ?

Albert : This is mean but rest assured, I cooked the dessert but also I helped with the coq au vin.

Mycroft : Which explains why I couldn’t feel the wine in it.

[misguidedasgardian]

The Hunt

What was the princess doing while the Royal hunt was taking place? And why and how did she became friends with the Dornish?

MASTERLIST

Pairing: None

Warnings: Reader is on her period, most badass bitch powermoves, smoking in a hookah, I clearly have no clue how a castle and the people inside it works and operates, I’m a menace 

Notes: More of Ser Steffon and the princess’ shenanigans. How did the saying go? When the King is gone the princess can party?

Year: 112 AC, Rhaenyra is 17, Reader is 15

Your FUCKING blood mon, TODAY!? you thought in anger. As you saw the hunting party riding away. The maester and Otto, freaking Otto Hightower suggested you shouldn't go, why would they do that?

“My blood moon is almost over, I could reach you there!” you tried to beg to your father 

“Your huge dragon is going to scare the prey” muttered your father, “I really wanted to make this journey a family trip, I’m sorry, maybe for next time”, and just like that they left you at the Keep

Sometimes you hate being a girl. You thought, as they rode away. 

The castle seemed like it was as ghostly as Harrenhal. Everyone left. Even the hand, even the kingsguard, even the ladies, they let Steffon stay with you, only because you were a princess and he was your sworn sword. 

You apologized from keeping him out of the hunt, and he only smiled at you like he always did and reassured you that it was a dull affair either way. You thought briefly that it was strange that he didn’t enjoy jousts, torneys, or even hunting, all knights did. Ser Criston was always in the list for the tourneys. But Steffon refrained from doing so. “I don’t want to show people what I can do”, he said to you once. 

Instead he brought you cakes, and warm rags to soothe your monthly pains. He brought you books from the library that you chose so you could be entertained, and he brought you your favorite dishes so you could feast in the comforts of your chambers.  

But you only enjoyed pampering for only a day, because only 24 hours after your father’s departure, you were interrupted in your chambers, by the remaining of the small council, the Grand Maester Mellos, the masters of ships, Lord Corlys, and master of Coin Lord Beesbury, and Steffon, acting as lord commander of the kingsguard

“What is going on?”, you asked, concern washed over your faces as they invited you to take a seat in the chamber, in the spot Lord Otto Hightower would sit, at the right seat of the king

“A dornish envoy has come to the capitol princess, specting to have a word with the King”, muttered Lord Corlys

“Did they know he wasn’t here?” you asked

“They probably did, either way they were scheduled for next week, they arrived early”, Lord Beesbury chimed in

“We can’t reject them,” you said. “If we do they might take it poorly”, the men nodded 

“The king isn’t here!” muttered the Grand Maester

“Well…”, you tried, as the daughter of the King, and second heir to the Iron Throne, you did felt obligated to do something….”But I am”, you said

“You are a…”

“A Princess” you responded, “and Dorne is known for treating their princess and their women equally to their men, 7 hells, I know bastards can inherit as well, they won’t see my gender as an insult”

“She is right, you know?” muttered Steffon

“This is going to go poorly”, muttered Lord Beesbury

“So all those classes I took in diplomacy were for nothing?”, you asked, the Grand maester shut his mouth and just nodded. As you looked at Lord Corlys, he was smiling and nodding, and looking at you with interest in his eyes, “I shall have you by my side” you said to him

“Princess, I’m sure you are up to the task, but the Dornish are well known for being unpredictable, and Gods knows how they might take this…”

“I want the cooks to prepare the most classic Westerosi dishes, and Dornish delights as well” you commanded, “To show them how much we appreciate their culture, I want a banquet set for when they arrive, and let's use those orange decorations for the tables”, you commanded, “I want Dreamfyre’s youngest hatchling to be brought to me, and I want all of you, as members of the small council by my side in the Throne room, to receive them”, it came natural to you, commanding and ordering people around, so much, they looked impressed. You were only 15, but you understood how things worked, and you indeed had taken long hours of classes in diplomacy 

“I shall go to the kitchen and maids to start the preparations”, said the Grand Maester

“I’m thankful, Grand Maester, I know this isn’t a part of your duties”, you apologized 

“I’ll fill in gladly, your grace” he bowed with his head and leaved the rooms 

“I’ll bring the hatchling”, said Ser Steffon, 

“The princess Rhaenys, I’m sure can help you with the dragonling”, it was lucky that the Velaryons had encountered troubles with their ship and couldn’t sail to be here for you today. You loyal guard left the rooms as well in search of the Queen who never was

It amazed you how fast your commands were being followed, it was truly “your wish is my command”, once you were in charge of the place. 

Lord Corlys sat besides you, and you couldn’t help but being nervous, the man imposed with his strong presence

“A singularity this is”, he laughed, “finding ourselves in this situation”

“Indeed”, and you let yourself giggle, this was indeed an scenery that would take place in like one in a million chances. But now you knew that the Sea Snake was going to have the perfect opportunity to really see what you were made of 

“Unfortunate”, muttered lord Beesbury

“Let’s say that after I screw this up” you said with a faint smile, the man was hard to persuade, but you know he meant well and he was a loyal ally, and friend to your father

“I still think we must wait for your father, princess”, he warned

“My father doesn’t return in another three days”, you said firmly, “Our alliance with Dorne cannot afford to wait that long”

“It’s been waiting for 100 years”, he fighted

“Exactly” you assured him. “I promise you lord Beesbury, I will be kind and gracious to our guests, the worse than can happen is that they leave, things cannot be worse than they already are”

“Very well” he conceited. 

And in a couple of hours, you were dressed in a simple but delicate red and gold dress, beautiful enough to show you cared for your guests, but not ostentatious enough to make them believe that you were flaunting unnecessarily, you had no crowns, so instead you had your hair braided beautifully, and adorned with a golden chain that fell over your forehead 

When Steffon came back you were waiting for him in the courtyard, he had the Dragonling perched on his arm. You took him carefully, it was small, the size of a cat, and placed him over your shoulder, the poor thing grunted and cooed, but stayed there, rubbing her little head in your cheek.

“Ser Steffon, bring me twenty soldiers from the city watch”, he nodded and immediately went to fulfill your order, and you felt bad for ordering him around, but this is probably the day you have seen more action than ever

“What do you intend, Princess?” asked Lord Beesbury, reaching your side at your request, eyeing the small dragon

“For our guests to arrive safely” you answered, and in exactly five minutes, they were in front you, twenty Goldcloaks

“I’m princess (Y/N) Targaryen” you commenced, and they all nodded, as you pet the baby dragon, “I know you're loyal to my uncle, and your Lord commander, and you had no business obeying me, but, only for today I will ask this of you”

“Whatever you need, your grace” one of them said, and you smiled

“You had been chosen to meet the Royal envoys from Dorne, alongside Lord Beesbury, master of coin, and bring them safely to the Throne Room”, you said firmly, but in the inside, you were shaking as an autumn leaf with a swift wind 

“It’ll be our honor, princess”, the same one said firmly. And the dragonling roared, pleased. making the soldier smile. You must have looked like a true dragon lord from Old Valyria

“Thank you, thank you for your service” and they nodded. Lord Beesbury seemed so amazed and surprised, but now he truly took you seriously for the first time in the day, and ever. He nodded towards you and he started his walk, being followed by the twenty gold cloaks, who bowed to you and then they left the courtyard

“You did great”, said Steffon by your side, “I’m proud”

“Don’t say that yet”, you breathed out, and you started walking towards the throne room.

And you stood there, in front of the mythical Iron Throne, and started at it for a good 15 minutes

“You should take a seat”, whispered Steffon

“Isn’t it a little pretentious?” you asked 

“Not only Kings sit on the throne, regents do too, hands of the King do it too” he convinced you, so you took a long breath, and walked the short steps, and you were surrounded by iron, by melted swords, by the thousand swords of all of Aegon’s enemies 

And you sat on the Iron Throne. Your father was right, it was uncomfortable. You gained a view of the entire room, a huge room built to host more than a thousand people if you wished. now dressed in Orange and autumn colors, and a banquet disposed in a side of the room. The small council, or what was left, walked into the room, and they all seemed so surprised to see you there, but a respect got installed deep inside them

“Can you bring me a pillow?” you whispered towards Steffon, he heard you and went up the stairs that separated your from him, “I’m going to cut if I sit there” you whispered

“You won’t”, assured you Steffon, “No ruler who has sat the iron throne has placed a pillow on it, for comfort” he reminded you

“I don’t believe that”, you giggled, “perhaps the Conqueror had a pillow sewed into the insides of his undergarments”, you giggled childishly. Steffon smiled down at you. “And then he filled his mouth speaking about how a King should never sit easy” 

“Every man had his secrets” he concluded with a wide smile, you smiled back. But the connection you had got interrupted by the huge doors opening to receive the Royal family of Dorne themselves 

They were skittish from the beginning, looking around discounted 

“Be welcome to the court of King Viserys, my father” you greeted, and your voice resounded on the walls of the room, “I’m honored, to greet you”

“We are honored to be received by the princess”, the Princess of Dorne answered, but you could tell she wasn’t being honest. You couldn’t tell her that your father wasn’t here, but he needed a good excuse for his absence

“My father the King it’s most displeased that he couldn’t be here to receive you”, you started, “But I’m honored…”, you didn’t have to give any explanations, you decided, the best path to walk was the one of distractions, “I always considered Dorne to be our brother”

“A brother?” mocked the princess, you smiled softly

“We can fight, we can ally with your enemies, and you can ally with ours, we can threatened, and we can actually come to blows, and you will always remain unbowed, unbent, unbroken, and we can always try again”, you giggled, as did the princess, but now your gaze turned serious, “but we’ll always share blood, the land we share makes me think we shared a womb”, you sneaked a look at princess Rhaenys who nodded approvingly of your words. 

“You words are kind, princess”, she acknowledged

“And sincere”, you promised 

“look mom!” the young prince pointed at Dramfyre’s baby, “a baby dragon!”

“Yes my love”, she cheered

“Would you like to pet him?”, you asked, offering the arm to the hatchling, and he quickly perched on it, crawling slowly to your shoulder

“Can I mommy?”, The princess seemed nervous, but you stood from the throne with the baby on your shoulder and you walked down the steps until you were in front of the prince. The small dragon purred and cooed, as you lowered to your knees to let the prince be at the same height as the dragonling

And you guided the young Prince’s hand to pet the small dragon, and he enjoyed it very much, making the prince giggle and the dragon purr.

“After we enjoy food from Westeros and Dorne…”, you continued, “I could take you flying with my dragon, would you like that?” you asked, and the boy’s eyes lit up so brightly

“Can I mommy?” he asked, and she really looked distrustful, but she reluctantly agreed.

They enjoyed the feast, the envoys looked approvingly at the dornish plates served, and they started mingling with Lord Corlys, Lord Beesbury and soon the environment turned friendly, it was half of the small council, and half the court but you stood a united front and it was barely noticeable 

And there you were hours later, Vhaelar appeared in front of you, flying over the Cliffs near King’s Landing, she growled, uncomfortable of seeing more people there, but as you walked in front and calmed her she was quiet 

You called in the small prince, who walked until he was by your side and you lifted him in your arms

“this is Vhaelar”, you introduced, “she is a girl dragon”

And you took the young prince flying as you promised, he giggled and grabbed the mount tightly like you told him too, and Vhaelar was steady in his flight, taking him to fly all over King’s Landing and Black Water Bay

When you came back the prince was so happy his mother was too, and now, she opened her arms and left the distrust behind her. 

They overstayed their welcome, spending two days in the Keep with you, and with the Princess Rhaenys, who at first had kept her distance but then joined you in being the host, and you feast, talked about treaties and history, and how your favorite was the tale of Princess Nymeria, they brought a special thing to smoke that it was called a Hookah, and as you aspire the smoke it made you giggle 

And finally they left, with promises of treaties and marriage pacts in the future. As they were riding away and you stood on the edge of the city, with forty Gold Cloaks this time, as your King’s guards told you, they all wanted to see you and escort you and you blushed at the thought. 

Steffon stood by your side as your partners in crime Lord Beesbury, Princess Rhaenys and Lord Corlys

“I can’t believe we pull this off”, said the oldest, the Sea Snake placed a hand on your shoulders

“You did great Princess”, Rhaenys said, standing at the other side of you, “Just as I would have handled it, you could be a great ruler”, and let out a breathy sigh at the very thought. 

“Thank you Princess”, you whispered

“I have to write about this” laughed grand Maester Mellos

. . .

“What happened here? while we were gone?” asked your father, you just smiled innocently

“Nothing of note father” you answered simply 

“Why are you dressed all dornish?” he asked, his face turning into anger. Pointing at the dresses the Princess had gifted you “And why in the seven hells I received a letter from the princess of Dorne thanking the Crown for the wonderful time, and the dragon ride you gave his son?” he was angry, oh he was very angry, and his outburst was happening right in front of the small council. Otto’s disgusted face looking right at you. 

“Your grace, I…”, you tried to explain

“The girl did well, your grace”, defended Lord Corlys, “she was left in the Keep, alone and the Royal family from Dorne appeared unannounced, and she acted like the Royal Princess she is”

“You were here? Supporting this madness?”, now his anger was directed to the Sea Snake

“I’m sorry your grace”, to your massive surprise, Lord Beesbury interceded, “The princess acted quickly and diplomatically, received the envoys from Dorne, and they left content, and ready to start negotiations and a treaty of peace!”

“You too, Lord Beesbury?”, asked Otto, “it was irresponsible, and careless”

“We were left here to take care of matters while you were gone, and we did”, he continued, “It was a risky move, but it turned out to be the correct one” 

“This isn’t a game!”, you father had calmed but Otto was enraged

“Otto, is everything went well…” continued the kING

“It did”, you defended

“I have a Maester writing all about it”, continued Mellos

And that didn’t help your case because when your father truly read about what happened, you were, again, grounded. Nobody knew about your days seated on the iron Throne, Otto made sure of it, but you did start exchanging letters with Dorne, promising you’d visited the famous Water Gardens. 

Notes: and this is why the princess exchanges letters with the Princes' of Dorne 😂, I personally enjoy staying home alone in my parent's place, imagine staying home alone in the Red Keep! I could spend all my time exploring the huge castle!

Taglist! ❤️ @tearsarcane @integra1127 @aestmilky @thanyatargaryen @tythaitie @lostinworldofdarkness @voodoogoul @wildmindedbeauty32 @lil-pudd @alicattx @electric-bloo @astaaan-lol @stargaryenx @kaitieskidmore1 @bregarc @lilpnd @jcpenneyyy @janelei @fexibau @ladyoakenshield157 @danielle-leah1997 @lady-ragnvindr @cecilyjmorgenstern @omgsuperstarg @bugheadskid @batprincess1013 @her-fandom-sanctum

[icouldhittheceiling]

Walked around the city with my friends yesterday… started at a lesbian bar then headed to a fried chicken place where we each got cake/baklava. Then went to another bar and a club. I tried hookah for the first time (very fun). Then convinced them to walk back across the city past the city hall/green decorated w various Christmas lights to a club we had been kicked out of weeks ago. Anyway they played lady gaga so I was happy

[twisted-wonderland-but-gayer]

Speaking of SCPs, have you heard of Lobotomy Corp?

Gonna go on a spiel here, so ignore if you want.

Lobotomy Corp is a Monster management game that takes inspiration from SCP. Aside from weird monsters, i.e. a singing meat grinder, magical girls, etc., there are also monsters based off of fairy tales.

From Alice from Wonderland, we have "My Sweet Home"- a small house that tries to lure people into opening it, "Red Queen"- a creature prone to beheading people when they're not doing the right work, "Bottle of Tears"- which will flood the area when someone eats it cake/lid, "Hookah Caterpillar"- which spews smoke that damages the mind and body, and "Staining Rose" which outright kills you.

From the Little Mermaid, we have Piscine Mermaid, referencing the mermaid herself, is obsessed with love even to the point of self-destruction.

In the other medias, Library of Ruina- the sequel to Lob. Corp, Distortion Detective- chronologically placed between the end of Lob. Corp. but before Library of Ruina, there are things called "distortions".

Basically, it's pretty similar to Overblotting in Twisted Wonderland. Someone goes through a mental/emotional crisis, and transforms into a monster and goes on a rampage.

Twisted wonderland if it wasn't disney

[abookishdreamer]

Character Intro: Agathodaemon (Kingdom of Ichor)

Nicknames- Daemon by the others

Dad by his son

Age- 47 (immortal)

Location- Crete, Olympius

Personality- He's a true oenophile; someone who loves & appreciates wine in the strict traditions of consumption and reverie. He's also open minded, passionate, and appreciates the finer things in life. He's currently dating.

He has the standard abilities of a god except shapeshifting. As the god of vineyards, grainfields, & luck his other powers/abilities include limited vitakinesis (healing), being able to temporarily grant someone with luck (that lasts 24 hours), limited chlorokinesis (as it pertains to vine plants), having an innate knowledge of agriculture & plants, and limited alcokinesis.

Daemon used to be married to Elais (goddess of oil). They share a child, a son Komos (god of revelry). Even though their divorce was a bit contentious, lately they've been working towards being cordial and establishing a friendship.

He lives by himself in the state of Crete in a breathtaking Mediterraean style mansion just a few miles away from his own vineyard & winery! There's a large rock lined pool and hot tub & inside there are many decorative fruits, paintings, natural stone walls, rattan and cotton furniture pieces, & terracotta pottery pieces. He owns a few horses, a vacation cottage in Santorini, and a yacht called the Carpe Diem. He also travels often to the states of Olympia (to see his girlfriend) & New Olympus (to see his son).

Every morning Daemon rides on horseback to his vineyard to check on the vines.

He's the second largest producer/manufacturer of wine & other alcoholic beverages after Dionysus (god of wine). They have a playful rivalry and friendly rapport with each other, especially since the wild prince was his son's mentor. Daemon's other business is a wine bar/smoking room called Ygró Veloúdo, where the customers can also partake in hookah smoking. With an official website and glowing reviews in The Oracle, Modern Olympus magazine, & Kalí Órexi- the culinary magazine owned by Deipneus (god of cooking & breadmaking), there are plans for other establishments in Santorini, Olympia, as well as the Mania & Skyline neighborhoods of New Olympus.

A go-to thing Daemon likes to make & eat for breakfast is eggs florentine with smoked salmon and garlic home fries, usually topping it off with a glass of champagne. He also likes toasted kalamata olive bagels topped with caviar butter and aloo paratha.

His favorite drink of course is wine. From the rich savory reds of merlot, pinot noir, & shiraz to the crisp fruity whites of chardonnay, pinot gris, & sauvignon blanc, always following the 5 S's of wine tasting- see, swirl, sniff, sip, and savor. He also likes classic martins, bellins, bourbon whiskey, & rum. His least favorite alcoholic drink is beer. His go-to coffee drink is a cappuccino. Daemon's own signature wine (that's a bestseller) is a sparkling vanilla blackberry.

Some of his favorite desserts include the vanilla-sparkling wine pound cake, vanilla & white wine poached pears, and rum cake (topped with dark chocolate buttercream frosting).

In the pantheon Daemon's friends with Favian (god of philosphy), Apólafsi (god of enjoyment), Karme (demi-goddess of the harvest) as well as her brother Karmanor (demi-god of the harvest), Evimería (goddess of prosperity), Priapus (god of fertility, vegetable gardens, livestock, sexuality, & masculinity) as well as his wife Philotes (goddess of sex, friendship, & affection), Litismós (goddess of culture), Demeter (goddess of the harvest & agriculture), The Nesoi (sister island goddesses), Sponde (goddess of libations), Hyperion (Titan god of heavenly light), & Pan (god of the wild, satyrs, shepherds, and rustic music).

He was the official mentor to Keraon (god of baking & wine mixing).

Daemon still keeps in touch with his former sisters-in-law.

His all time favorite frozen treat is the Cocktails on Ice chocolate cherry merlot wine ice cream!

Daemon's currently dating Panigýri (goddess of festivals). They first met at Hyperion's yacht party in Rhodes where they had an animated debate with Favian on the topic of illicit drugs. When the party was over, the two of them ended up exchanging numbers. Their first "date" was a few weeks later- an outdoor ritualistic dance party with a few of her maenad friends. Panigýri kissed a lotus tile into Daemon's mouth and he ended up having one of the trippiest moments of his life! In the morning (and still a bit high), they went cliff diving naked. Daemon appreciates her fearlessness & confidence. The fact that lovemaking with her has been his best ever is also a bonus!

With his role as a father, he's come to enjoy the friendship he has built with his son. When they're together they'll often go horseback riding, surfing, & play video games. For his birthday his son gave him a black leather jacket (the back of course he bejweled) which Daemon didn't seem to mind.

A guilty pleasure of his are savory beef patties. There's a small restaurant near the end of Crete that are well known for them.

He loves snacking on a trial mix of raisins, salted cashews, and swiss & mozzarella cheeses. He also likes wine gummy bears his girlfriend introduced him to!

Daemon is known to host barbecues at his place inviting family & good friends. Food served there include beef & lamb souvlaki skewers, pita bread (with tzatziki dipping sauce), juicy sirloin burgers stuffed with feta cheese, falafel, watermelon feta salad, paidakia with roasted potatoes, and keftedes. Afterwards, they even roast marshmallows & make s'mores!

He and Panigýri recently partook in a UV body painting couples class along with Kéfi & her fiance Psionikós (god of the mind).

His favorite meals include stuffed lobster rolls, one pan chicken au champagne and rice (added with mushrooms), and slow cooker red wine pot roast.

In his free time Daemon enjoys sailing, jet skiing, surfing, horseback riding, gardening, cooking, football (soccer), painting, working out, sunbathing, swimming, golf, & tennis.

"Wine makes most drinkers think."

[absurdist-void]

Sam has been bothering the fuck out of me lately. His newest form has scaled skin and large bat wings. I don’t like the texture of his skin. It feels uncomfortable.

Yesterday I found myself in a place that reminded me of a middle eastern hookah lounge. Honestly, I don’t know how else to describe it. Carpets, fancy pillows, oil lamps. You get the idea.

I got the impression the place was for sex and drugs.

Sam was there, obviously. I don’t remember what we talked about, but I felt annoyed that I was there. I always want to rip apart his flesh, but I’m too weak and too horny to fight him.

It’s almost like there’s a pheromone that subdues me into complacency/arousal. I hate it. My brain turns to fog and I can only think of one thing.

I don’t ever feel this way when awake. I’m rather…unsexual irl. I don’t often feel sexual attraction. I could go the rest of my life without having sex and I would be fine. Been there, done that. I would rather have a slice of cake or something.

I recently dreamt that I was having a normal dream and these feelings started to cloud my mind. I tried to fight them, but I couldn’t get rid of them. It felt like images and feelings were being implanted into my mind. Then Sam appeared.

I called for Luther and B. Screamed until my throat hurt. I didn’t want to be there. It’s a trap and I hated being there. My mind would go and I wouldn’t be able to come back out from it.

I sat in Sam’s lap and talked to myself. Sam mostly doesn’t say much and listens to my ramblings as I try to stay conscious.

Something clicked in me. I remembered who I was. I tried to rip my inner self out of my chest to shed whatever influence he had on me.

Pain. So much pain. It hurts to rip off your skin. It’s tearing your heart from your chest and becoming god.

I became enraged. I clawed at his face and gnashed my teeth. I am a beast. How dare he treat me like that. I screamed at him. Howled. My claws and arms were covered in blood. Either his or mine.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing to me?! You wouldn’t do this to L, would you? You wouldn’t dare do it to her. You wouldn’t do it to A. What gives you the right to do it to me?! What gives you the fucking right?!”

I am claws and blood and feathers and teeth.

When I become myself, he backs down.

Everything turns black and I hear someone say, “You won’t have to worry about him.”

Is it myself or someone else?

I wonder if it’s true or if I’ll just see him again in a few days and repeat the process of painful rebirth.

I wake up.

[sgviews]

The New Damien Hirst of Delhi: Subodh Gupta at Hauser & Wirth

Subodh Gupta's major focus is food. His most well-known trick is creating sculptures from pots and pans, which he views as symbols of down-to-earth Indian culture. However, I mostly sense cravings of a different type when I gaze at "Seven Billion Light Years," his just launched exhibition at Hauser & Wirth.

Subodh Gupta is now India's most celebrated artist. He rose to fame in the 2000s, the decade of unstoppable "emerging markets," thanks to a new network of art fairs that dotted the globe to serve the winners of rapacious globalization who were incredibly mobile. His paintings play off the art world's distinct brand of food-court cosmopolitanism, wherein all cultures are always welcomed as long as they are served with a soupçon of Marcel Duchamp. As a result, they reveal as much about the mores of this society as they do about India itself.

The most famous creations by Gupta include Line of Control (2008), a towering mushroom cloud that propelled Gupta to stardom at the Tate Triennial in 2009. Other works by Gupta include Very Hungry God (2006), a huge skull that mega-collector François Pinault launched into the public eye by placing it in front of his own museum in Venice.

“Seven Billion Light Years” to their satisfaction: This is not a fountain, a 25-ft-long, 9-ft-wide pile of his specialty meals from 2011 to 2013. Several spigots protrude through the jumble of pots; they are all turned on and pour water out over the pans, where it disappears, likely into a floor drain, bubbling cheerfully.

Another piece, Pure (I) (1999/2014), reproduces a performance setting from the very beginning of Gupta's career: a field of caked, compacted mud that you stroll up upon while wearing tiny booties reminiscent of those worn in hospitals. It has pits that appear to be the result of an archaeological dig. You can see a range of commonplace items nested inside the holes, including some worn-out shoes, a hookah, and a pair of spectacles.

Subodh Gupta comes from Bihar, a relatively rural region of India, and is the son of a railway worker. At the College of Arts and Crafts, Patna, he received painting instruction. He also worked as a set designer for a touring theatre group. In only a few short years after spotting India's burgeoning international stature in the go-go 2000s, he would be selling his artwork for enormous sums of money (as well as making Absolut ads). Subodh Gupta and the artist Bharti Kher (Subodh Gupta’s wife), recently caused a stir when they paid the equivalent of $18 million for a property in a posh Delhi area.

"I'm just writing my diary, my story," Subodh Gupta the difficulty is that this type of desire toward personal testimony is actually the antithesis of conceptual familiarity. The worldwide art scene has created a huge demand for testimony from recently "found" situations in well-known aesthetics. “My work is about where I come from. But at the same time the expansion of the art world means that to a certain extent, everything is shrinking together, and you have to be aware of international discourses in your work” he added.

[tyjkkvape]

How To Use The Smoking Pipe

Over the years, I have dabbled with several forms of smoking including cigarettes, cigars, and even hookahs (don't ask about that phase!). Still, I hadn't bothered to sample a pipe. I always figured pipes belonged to bearded professors or fictional detectives, Maybe it's because I loved watching detective movies too much when I was a kid.Then, out of the blue, for my birthday, my friend Jack handed me the most beautiful hand-carved wooden pipe. I stumbled! I became intrigued by this beautiful pipe.I really became excited to try it. Reeled in were the silky smooth texture and deep woodsy scent. Still, I soon discovered I was a complete pipe newb! I laughed, not sure what I was doing.I so entered a research frenzy, viewing vintage films and learning techniques (don't criticize, it helped!). I at last got the hang of it after some trial and error. Whew!I now want to share with all you other piping rookies out there my hard-earned pipe-smoking techniques and suggestions. Together, we'll soon be professionals! Let us get on.

What accessories are needed for using a pipe, such as pipe cleaners, tampers, lighters, etc? How do you use these accessories properly?

Pipe peeps, let's dish on all the pipe accessories as I was startled at the number of tools required for this pastime! When I initially started smoking, I honestly thought all I needed was some tobacco and a pipe. Rookie's error! But after regularly polishing the pipe, I came to see smoking a pipe is like preparing a gourmet cuisine; you need the proper instruments to make it really perfect.First of importance are pipe cleaners. A must-have to maintain your pipe perfect following every usage! Then there's the tamper, a clever instrument like a little pestle (not lying, initially I assumed it was a tiny magic wand - how awesome would that be?). As it happens, though, it's utilized to pack the tobacco down.Actually, these instruments are more than simply extras. Proper use of them will transform your pipe game from a heated mess into a leisure activity.So listen up pipe pals - before firing up your pipe, get prepped with these tools. Then we can start smoking our pipe elegantly!

How do you use a pipe for beginners?

Alright, fellow pipe novices, let's learn the art of properly using this magnificent smoking pipe without fumbling as I did on my first trip. I promise, the correct approach will change your experience!First of importance: preliminary work. If you recently acquired a brand-new pipe, here's an expert tip: before adding any tobacco, lightly cover the bowl's inside with a small quantity of honey. This tiny method produces an inner black carbon "cake" layer. Good smoking depends on this cake, buddies.Regarding tobacco packaging, there is a technique to this craziness! Personally I suggest the "three-layer" or "three-two" approach. Here's how: Tobacco should first be filled in the bowl; then, softly three times, pushing harder each time, tamp it down. Trying to suck air through the pipe should cause resistance like to sipping a thick milkshake. If the draw is either too simple or difficult, empty and restart. Trust me; this phase is well worth the work.Good packing and preparation will enable you to puff like a professional! So don't worry new pipe friends; simply follow these guidelines and you'll be smoking in fashion right away.

What is the proper lighting technique for a pipe?

Instead of the Bic lighter, get a couple of wooden matches. Move the flame across the bowl's surface and give soft puffs. The tobacco normally rises and then declines. There's no reason to panic! This first lighting is described as "charring," or "ghost." Keep lighting more matches till the tobacco stays lit. In this situation, it would be advisable to go slowly. Don't puff too eagerly, or you'll end up with a hot, tongue-biting smoke.As you smoke, you'll need to tamp down the tobacco occasionally. Use a gentle touch, like you're reassuring it rather than squashing it. If your pipe goes out, don't fret. Relighting is all part of the experience.

How do you avoid tongue bite and keep the pipe lit?

Many novice puffers have suffered the dreaded tongue bite from smoking; that uncomfortable stinging is not just from the tobacco but also from your technique. The secret is chillax here! Instead of drinking a beer, take gentle, occasional breaths as you would be sipping a delicious whiskey. Fast, strong puffs will burn your tongue and intense and bitter tobacco flavor will result.For easy sailing, try "breath smoking". Rather than wild puffing, simply breathe naturally with the pipe in your mouth. Breathe through your nose, let the smoke softly enter your mouth, then softly expel. This lessens tongue biting and keeps the burn mild.Now for the bothersome pipe keeping lighted. Correct packing is crucial; keep in mind our discussion of the "three-layer method". A tight bowl packs longer-lasting even burns.Furthermore important in the tobacco is moisture content. Too damp; it won't stay lighted properly. For that perfect dryness, let the tobacco air out 15 to 30 minutes before packing.In addition, you can also experiment with a Churchwarden, a long-stemmed pipe, like I did. Longer stems cool the smoke to provide more evenly flavored puffs.With the right tools and methods, you will definitely become a pipe master like me in no time! Read the full article

[xycuro-illuminati]

L4D Coach's order but its me saying "Baked chicken ziti, blueberry tropical mint flavored hookah, a raspberry moscow mule, and a hot chocolate lava cake..."

[murmuringwater]

my lover proposed a long night walk to shake off the blues from me, and off we went, towards the cafe by the far away main street (somehow, cafes and such are often open until midnight here!). Holding hands in the still and thick summer air, walking in the street because sidewalks are an unknown institution around these parts, my sandals getting dusty as I sauntered over and around broken glass, pointy stones and so on. We arrive at the cafe and order frappes (which were disappointing) and cake (which was good and fluffy) and he guides my head to his shoulder. "I would like a nice couch," I say as we settle down in the cafe's, and he pulls his phone and starts looking for furniture suppliers in the region. We loosely agree — rarity of rarities! — on the hypothetical colour, emerald green, and then I say hmmm, those are really expensive, it's hard to justify the cost when you're renting... and he said one day we will have our own house.

Not rented? I ask.

Not rented. Our house.

[I fall quiet and look up at him from my position on his shoulder.]

Do you really think we will have our own house one day?

Yes, of course.

Will we have it? Really?

Yes, babe, we will! It will take years, but we will have it.

Do you promise?

I promise. With you, everything is possible. Even happiness [and here, in a pregnant pause, his eyes are filled with love] — in this economy! [and he laughs.]

Well, in that case, as I mentioned before, I want a bathtub and a walk-in closet, of course.

What's a walk-in closet?

Like a room, not a piece of furniture.

Oha! [typical turkish exclamation of surprise]

While we are at it, in the garden I also want a pond.

What's that?

Like... not a pool, you don't swim in it, but... Like a little lake?

Oh, I see.

Yes? A pond, and bathtub, and walk-in closet?

Yes. [he smiles sweetly, again.]

Then, silence. He looks me with so much affection I am half afraid he might burst into a pile of sugar.

Why are you looking at me like that, bebe? [I know, but I want to hear him say it]

Do I even have to say it?

It's nice to hear it.

I love you so, so much.

—————————

Combined with yesterday, when he got home very late at night after having to supervise some stupid construction work that got awfully extended and then drawn into an impromptu work meeting disguised as a hookah session with the general manager, it grew into an impossibly warm feeling. Climbing into bed at 2am, skin still moist from the cold shower, after leaving the house at 9pm in a rush (what was supposed to take a mere hour ended up taking five) he manages to half-wake me and get drawn-out, mumbled responses from the small part of my brain that is awake.

Babe, I'm home. I'm sorry it's so late... it got waaaay extended, and then [name] invited me in when I stopped by to drop the key, and— [he pulls me to his chest and throws his leg over my hip.]

It's okay, love, nothing to do about it... I'm glad you came back to me safely...

I'm glad to be back to you safely. [he squeezes me harder]

Hnnnghh, I can't breatheeEeE...

I love you so much. You're the meaning of my life.

[my heart swells at the unprovoked and heartfelt confession. I snuggle against him, summer heat be damned, and fall back asleep.]