#Honor grandparents
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Fun ways to celebrate Grandparents' Day 2022
Looking for entertaining ideas to honour grandparents in 2022? Look nowhere else! Get motivated by our imaginative suggestions for enhancing this day for your cherished grandparents. There are many ways to express your love and gratitude for the people who have always been there for you, from personalised presents to outdoor activities and online festivities. Make 2022's Grandparents' Day one to remember!
#nationalgrandparentsday#Grandparents' Day#grandparents day 2022 activities#grandparents day 2022 ideas#Celebrate grandparents day#Celebrating grandparents#Day 2022#Day crafts#Family history#Family member#Family recipe#Favorite family#Fun activities#Gift for grandparent#Gifts ideas#Grandma or grandpa#Grandparents day activities#Grandparents love#Honor grandparents#Ideas for grandparent#Labor day#National grandparent#National grandparent day#Spending time#happy grandparents#favorite grandparent#day gift
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aside from my rice here’s a doodle dump of my timeskip johto kiddos all scribbled during classes! forgot to upload this some time ago but it's a mix of silly doodles, profile studies and outfit ideations 📝
#kagoodles#pokemon gsc#pokemon hgss#rival silver#trainer kris#trainer ethan#trainer lyra#tag wall incoming guys waHA#practicing with profiles is fun but keeping consistency at various angles? hoogh#alright time for more rambling abt these guys (specifically lyra and ethan) for a bit :D#I wanted lyra's champion dress to have a bit more inspo from filipiniana dresses but also retain parts from her sygna suit in pmex!#celebi inspired to honor her role as ilex's shrine protector when her grandparents pass that torch to her#not sure of a specific battle gimmick but it would involve hp recovery and defense/sp def buffing with a mix of lessening critical hits#and then she hits ya with the steel chair equivalent azumarill backed with huge power + belly drum!!!!!!!!! sweep em girl!!!!!!!!!!#silver and lyra would be the last guys you'd face for double battles at the battle tower but Watch Out#what else what else uhhh ETHAN#ethan's revolves around the pokeathlon so he's a bit more showy in competition compared to when he does photography work#he can jump between being a popular pokeathlete to intensely focused on taking wildlife pictures with like. several 'mons surrounding him#very dedicated to his research and study; his friends would find him in crazy phototaking positions just to take a pic of a heracross#i think it'd be funny that ethan and kris are rivals at the pokeathlon they would have some beef (they'd tally wins against each other)#I haven’t forgotten abt everyone else tho I have so much on the mind I wanna draw#maybe I’ll finish some of these doodles for when I feel like working on my neocities but website building is a whole beast in and of itself#but I’ll persevere if the results come out decent >:]
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FAMILY TITLES AMONG THE HILL TRIBES
(ft. various linguistic notes and tangents)
In-universe Brakul’s self-given title of ‘Red-Dog’ is Brakul 'ne-Dainh' in his native language (Bict-Urbinnas dialect of the Highland language group) and Brakul 'Chin-Reyla' in Wardi. Ne-Dainh/Chin-Reyla is not something he treats as or considers an actual surname or identity, just a self-styled nickname. He already has a title.
Family names/surnames are not a native practice among the Hill Tribes (though some clans or individual families have adopted this practice), and all traditionally use titles that designate immediate ancestry, clan and tribe. These full titles are officially given when one comes of age and are spoken aloud in ceremony (with the entire direct male and female lines listed by name, with most traditions expecting 12 generations of each being named).
The function is to cement one’s sense of place in the world, and their place in a direct ancestral line, which puts the person under the full watch and guidance of their ancestors. It's also a critical method of recording lineage- the long held practice of each person memorizing at least 24 total direct ancestors allows for very long, largely accurate records of family history to be kept, with some people able to trace their ancestry all the way back to initial settlement of the Highlands (or even beyond).
Brakul’s full title is:
“Brakul virsum Kuligan et Borunil an Briyonis ne-Taig an Bict-Urbinnas”
Which dead literally translates to “Brakul son of Kuligan and Borunil of the Foothills (of) Red-Cattle, of the North (Urbin/Erubin) River Valley” but has a much richer meaning in the original language.
"BRAKUL VIRSUM KULIGAN ET BORUNIL"
The actual meaning here is closer to ‘Brakul, son of Kuligan and his father’s fathers, and Borunil and her mother’s mothers’.
“Virsum” means ‘child (son/daughter) of’ (the gender is contextual), but implies the person’s status as a descendant of a full male and female line of ancestors. A different word is used if you’re just saying ‘I’m so and so’s son”. The title describes him as a son of his father Kuligan and of Kuligan’s male line, and of his mother Borunil and Borunil's female line.
All ancestors (within this particular system of kinship, divided into one direct male line from the father and one direct female line from the mother, and not including husbands from the female line or wives from the male line) are invoked and credited with the word ‘virsum’. Speaking it as part of the personal title is part of the routine and necessary honoring of one’s ancestors, who watch over their descendants from the afterlife and can temporarily return to the land to guide and protect (and sometimes punish, or teach sharp lessons to) the living.
"AN BRIYONIS NE-TAIG"
The actual meaning here would be understood as ‘clan/people of the foothills where cattle are lit red by the setting sun'.
‘Briyonis’ is the word for ‘foothill’, citing his clan’s specific location being the foothills that form the slopes of the north Urbin river valley. He is of a lesser clan within the powerful North Urbin River tribe. His clan benefits from close affiliation to their more powerful ruling clans located directly in the river valley, which grants them access to a greater variety of cultivated foods, but their actual position in the foothills still renders them predominantly reliant on cattle for subsistence. Clan names referencing cattle or horses are very common, given their frequent centrality to life.
The ‘ne-Taig’ literally means ‘red cattle’, but the ‘ne’ color word for red specifically invokes shades of red seen in and cast by a rising/setting sun. This red cast is culturally regarded as a unique beauty and evocative (and part of the name) of the solar god Hraighne. The foothills his clan is physically located on are a vantage point from which the western horizon is not fully obscured by mountains, and they experience very striking sunsets and are directly touched by the light. This is fairly unique to this location, and is invoked in the clan name and identity. ‘Ne-Taig’ here suggests a visual of grazing cattle illuminated red by the sun as it crosses the horizon.
‘Ne-Dainh’ carries the same implication, a dog illuminated red by setting sunlight. The Wardi language does not have a comparable word for a sunlit red and ‘Chin-Reyla’ really does just mean ‘(orangeish) red dog’ (‘reyla’ is specific to orangey-red colors, which is the closest match he could get. There’s no way to impart the meaning of ‘sunlit-red dog’ in Wardi that is non-clunky enough to be appropriate for a name).
"AN BICT-URBINNAS"
‘an Bict-Urbinnas’ is fairly simple, Bict means ‘north’, and 'Urbin' is the name of the specific river that stems from a northern and eastern tributary. This river has a very ancient name (or a derivative of one) that predates settlement by the Hill Tribes, and its exact meaning is lost.
The root -(n)nas designates a river valley, but has strong implications of being an esteemed and bountiful place, rather than solely a literal geographical descriptor (as the river valleys are centers of power and trade in the highlands). It may be a loanword from the Wardi language family, as its usage is VERY similar in form and function to the Wardi -(n)nos, which also suggests a place of esteem and bounty (more specifically having connotations of a kingdom).
’An’ literally means ‘of’, but in the specific sense of describing the place and identity of a collection of people. ‘an Bict Urbinnas’ would be understood in speech as ‘of the north Urbin River Valley (people)’. The clans historically settled in and around the valley of the North Urbin River form the totality of the Bict-Urbinnas tribe.
The ‘Urbin’ word predates the contemporary Wardi name ‘Erubin’ for the river, the latter of which invokes the semi-mythological founding figure Erub, who himself was of a Wardi tribe located downriver to the south of the Highlands. The real historically extant ‘Erub’ was most likely named Urub after the river, with his cited name shifting over the centuries in folklore, and the Wardi name for the river shifting with it.
‘Erubin’ as a corruption of ‘Urbin’ functions very well in Wardi language due to ‘-bi/bin’ denoting something as a ‘gift’, usually in a more metaphorical sense. ‘Erubin’ is understood as meaning ‘(The river that is) Erub’s gift’, and the Erubin/Urbin river is a key tributary to the much larger Black river, one of the key rivers that feeds the region's wetter and more fertile west. This 'gift' meaning also occurs in the name of the southeastern Imperial Wardi city-state Erubinnos, which is understood as meaning ’((The kingdom that is) Erub’s gift’. He is considered to have conquered and taken the land (from the core city's actual founders, the Wogan people) and established a kingdom there in the early days of warring Wardi tribal monarchies.
#Just dropping this randomly because it's a pretty complete lore dump in my notes app#Family names are a big fucking deal in the Wardi cultural sphere and not having one is associated with being a bastard or otherwise#displaced or unwanted. If pressed Brakul either fully lies and says 'ne-Dainh' (which will just come off as 'oh it's some foreign name')#Or lists his actual title (not a family name but equally important). Sometimes listing all 24 generations if he's particularly annoyed.#It's only strictly necessary to memorize 12 ancestors in each line but it's considered good practice to be able#to cite associated non-direct ancestor husbands/wives/siblings/etc. That's where the tattoos as a mnemonic device comes in#It's easy to memorize 24 ancestors but very difficult to memorize 24 ancestors and at least some of their family members#And remembering and honoring the dead by name is of great importance- both puts you under the protection of more#ancestors (including non-direct ones) and ensures the dead's status in the afterlife is secure (it's believed that fully forgotten#dead leave the celestial fields and can no longer directly intercede with the living- though with some additional nuances to what#constitutes being fully forgotten)#Venerating and remembering the dead is a huge focus of cultural practice and additional methods are used to safeguard#ancestors (and other honored dead without descendants) whose names have been forgotten. There's one yearly holiday focused entirely on#the nameless dead where they are invoked and honored via little straw dolls that are burnt in bonfires high in the mountains so the#smoke is sent up to the Fields. It takes weeks of preparation and tens (maybe hundreds idk I'm bad with scale) of thousands of#dolls will be made each year across the Highlands for this purpose. Honoring them with effigy even without name is usually#considered enough to safeguard their afterlife for at least another year.#Also yeah kinship systems among the Hill Tribes (and very similarly among the Finns) follow a male line/female line system#Only father's father's fathers (...) and mother's mother's mothers (...) are considered direct ancestors (though all four grandparents#are sometimes honored as ancestors even if only two are considered DIRECT ancestral kin- this tradition varies)#Inheritance systems are somewhat matrilineal given that a wife is considered the owner and arbiter of property and a husband is#its protector and active manager. If a man and woman from different clans (or tribes) marry any children will be considered to be of#the clan/tribe of whichever spouse does NOT relocate in marriage.#Whether the husband moves in with the wife or the wife moves in with the husband is dependent on an arbitration process#and the husband (and his family) being able to provide a bride price (which is somewhat of a payment for the land/property#the wife's mother will be passing down to the new husband's management should he move in- and displays his ability to care#for and provide valued assets. A man who can provide a bride price tends to receive greater respect)#This is most commonly going to be livestock (and almost ubiquitously includes a single cattle to be butchered for the wedding feast)#But can include other valuables or assets like land or grain/seeds or etc. There is no intra-Highlands monetary system and the internal#economy is built on trade. So Imperial Wardi currency is mostly useless but is sometimes given in marriages between clans with strong
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I have a love-hate relationship with drawing on notebook paper punts him
#I say I wanna punt Cam and throw him around all the time but honestly he could kill me in a millisecond 😭#I'd be honored tbh#also my grandparents are getting lost on the way to pick me so I'm just#standing here on campus wearing a hoodie in the heat help me#let me out let me out#/#cameron calvin#doodles#charles calvin#thsc#thsc oc#oc#henry stickmin#the henry stickmin collection
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begging parents to name their kids better because im walking around here with a name from the 1930’s while everyone else is Gabriel Michael Princess Crystal or something
i been knitting sweaters and embroidering handkerchiefs in my mother’s womb with my shitty name, godbless
#rambles#i could have been named eleanor… fun fact#BUT THEN THEY CHANGED THEIR MIND#and now im stuck with a dated name and its so.#it sounds so bad.#‘its to honor your grandparents 🥺🥺’#then you should have done that to my SECOND NAME#why is it both my FIRST AND SECOND NAME WHYY#its like i dont even have an identity anymore#oops thats tmi#whatever#eleanor is dated too but its better than what i have#so sorry none of you followed for this but i need to let this rant out#i am changing my name the first chance i get#they’ll be pissed but oh my god#is name dysphoria something#it is!!! im not trans though i just hate my name bless#amelia is also dated but it is Also better than what i have oh my god
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My grandparents uuuh came to visit and take me with them- (I forgot the word ;-;)
So we went eating
And they had livers
And I thought about you :)
*gives you a liver a secretly took with me*
Your song, touch tone Telefone, it's carrying me through the 3 hour ride I swear
((gives you high-five since you don't like physical touch))
:3
i am going to commit murder, i tried to reply to this ask bfore school and turns out it didnt reply :[
:OO :DD Thanks for the liver :]] ((you remembered 🥹))
#djasjdlk glad you liked the song :]]#((also i am honored to be thought of when a liver is sighted :]])) ((I THINK I USED THIS WRONG BUT WHATEVER))#(MY MOTHER KEEPS WALKING IN DUDE HELP))#<-(this is not a plea for help#it is just extremely annoying )#and she keeps looking at the laptop XD#luckily she is bad at tech#also it sounds fun :O :D (the eating with grandparents)#ask#randomexistingthing#ironically i have never tasted liver :o
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#THEY LEAVE TOMORROW#IN 24 HOURS I GET MY ROOM BACK#NO MORE SHITTY AIR MATTRESS#NO MORE CONVERSATIONS ABOUT SAVING MY SOUL FROM HELL AND HOW WHENEVER I GET LONELY I SHOULD THINK ABOUT GOD#dont get me wrong i adore my grandparents to bits and i am absolutely going to miss them#but like.#i have been sleeping in an air mattress in the living room while they take my room and im so ready for privacy again ghjkdsdc#and i miss my laptop i havent been able to write anything in like 2 weeks im dying#and for some reason my queue has been acting up and it wont let me change the times so now it ONLY runs from midnight to 7 am#no idea why but i mean it is tumblr so#anyways yes i am still alive no i havent killed anyone yet and i will be back soon and im SO close to finishing this fic#its.....roughly 20k longer than i was going for but eh whatever#LOVE YOU ALL HAPPY 4/20 BLAZE IT IN MY HONOR PLEASE#personal
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I'm ending the old year just as I started it-- by frying dough over an open flame.
#(the open flame is merely my grandparents' gas stove aigjgjskskj)#in my week I've made lumpia and now banh cam for my clan#I'm unofficial frying queen. a title most honorable and gravitatious to hold.#thinking out loud#(i started this year by making lumpia then so it's full circle indeed :D)
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it's them again because I love them
#my art#digital art#art#oc#oc art#artists on tumblr#they're in love your honor#idiots to lovers#but they're still idiots#yes this is old art again#sue me#the first one is the first time I've ever drawn them together#and the second is the first time I've ever drawn caleb#*shows you baby photos like a proud grandparent*#Eddy#Caleb#eddy and caleb
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as a communist i feel a moral responsibility to celebrate stalin’s death day even louder than the liberals are gonna be doing it especially with the last year being what it was on the subject of fucking deranged irredentist ussr-nostalgic imperialist genocide apologia so 🍾 rest in piss fucko, god willing I will live to see the day communism frees itself from your rancid shadow
#over the past year I have seen the absolute moral collapse of so many leftists who I sed to sort of organize under#the berniecrat-to-hardcore-commie crowd#and I'm one of them right??? but somehow so many of these people turned into reactionary freaks#and so in honor of how much I hate them I'll pour one out for the biggest reactionary freak of all time#what am I pouring? piss. its piss. his legacy will be a gender neutral bathroom#also you know a little personal fuck you about that nazi collaboration <3 thanks for helping them kill my great grandparents#and you know there’s obviously the ongoing genocide of one of the groups of people (ukrainians) who he genocided in the past#so it really is vital to be hating him more than usual rn
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ohhhhhh everyone stop what you’re doing and go read The Sandman: Waking Hours
#The Sandman: Waking Hours#The Sandman: Waking Hours Spoilers#The Sandman#god#this has to be one of the best Sandman stories ever#First off the a r t#I simply cannot get over it#Second like the characters#Ruin is precious cinnamon roll boi I adore him so much and I’m so happy for how everything turned out for him#Jophiel oh my goodness like the coolest angel friend you could ever have#Heather we love our sorceress girls with strange names#And HER GREAT GRANDPARENTS whaaaaaaa#DANIEL#I LOVE DANIEL#Just him combined with the immaculate art style is like my favorite thing#He had some sick outfits#And this was also the first like realll story I read that’s like just him and his exploits in the dreaming so it was cool to see him#characterized formally like this#All of these plot points coming together with new ones AUGH so good#Honorable mention Lindy is best mom she’s so cool I want to be her#The ending was all I could ever want in anything#I may draw Ruin or Daniel in the coming days#Who knows when you’ll see it but I will do it#Go read this guys#Seriously#Well read Sandman proper first#Then this#perfect short evening read
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family trauma dumping time
#so like#anyone who knows me knows that i was estranged from my dad's parents since i was like 5#like nah fuck those assholes#i didnt attend their funerals and neither did any of my siblings or my parents#there was a tornado before one of their funerals and my sister said it was the gates of hell opening up for her#i literally forget most people have 4 grandparents as standard bc i only ever had 2. those other people weren't my family#i also have a big mixed up family with lots of really super amicable divorces so for me family is very much whoever puts in the effort#ANYWAY i discounted those assholes so completely#that when it came time to choose my middle name i picked joseph#which was my brother's name but he died way before i was born#and it was literally like. a year after picking that and after i had finally gotten it legally changed#that i even CONSIDERED that it means my middle name is my dad's father's name#like. just did not even put that together#and now it's just kind of a 'heh weird' thing#like nah i did not name myself in your honor. i named myself for him#anywayyyy#(also i find it kinda funny that i spent my whole life chafing at being compared to my dead sister. then i name myself for my dead brother.)#(not intentional just funny)
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in the next 6 months im going to have many life altering things happen to me and im also going to make many life altering decisions but i already cut my hair really short and i already have bangs AND like every surface of my room that could have paint does have paint. literally what will i do
#gonna start applying for scholarships and this one honors program that i REALLY wanna get in#and im gonna come out to my grandparents and probably lose a support system bc of it#and im gonna start driving myself everywhere and get a job#and probably end a 3 year relationship#so all in all we got a lot on our plate
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There’s just something about having a panic attack and trying to hurt yourself in the bathroom at your brothers graduation ceremony while your grandparents sit next to a photo of their dead son, your dead father, your mothers dead husband and you’re just trying not to sob but every breath puts pressure on your chest and you keep imagining the nurses giving your father cpr after he coded again for the third time you’re crying and trying to catch your breath and somehow everyone else is normal and holding it together and acting like this is fine and this is what it’s just gonna be like and you’re sobbing and bleeding and thinking about how you’re never going to graduate and you’re never going to be happy and how your father will always be dead and how you’re going to be mentally ill and broken forever and how you need prescription pills just to not want to kill yourself and you’re thinking about how much easier it would’ve been for your family if you had died instead of your father and you know you can’t do that and you can’t make that change and it’s done it’s over now this is how it is but you can’t help but imagine a world where everyone else is happy and your father is alive and maybe in some daydreams I’m alive too but now all I want is to sob alone in the car and scream and cry and I want to be alone again I need to be alone in my room at night smoking weed and ignoring my feelings I need to not be here I need to not be here but instead I’m breathing and collecting myself and trying so hard to pretend everything is okay
#and you were staring at your grandparents who can’t even stand up quickly to cheer for your brother and you’re staring at the chair set up#in dads honor and you’re staring at your mother who said she’d be by your side and now she’s standing down the middle aisle away from you#and your brother gets his diploma and you’re alone. you’re sitting there alone with a chair that’s supposed to be for your father and your#holding back tears and life has never felt so difficult and so mind numbingly simple and yet you still can’t get your shit together and#pretend to be happy#sorry this is so depressing but fuck everything is so bad in my head rn and I had such a good week and it’s like the polar opposite of my#last week it’s just miserable and sad
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no literally this
i never, ever want kids but that's because i know that i do not have it in me to be responsible for them for their whole lives and raise them with minimal trauma. i hate the idea of sacrificing so much of my life and my income for a kid. i know myself enough to know that kids of my own would only make me tired, bitter, and resentful.
but other peoples' kids? i love them. they're sweet and curious and bring so much joy even if tiring and overwhelming sometimes. but the key word is sometimes. they are not my permanent emotional, physical, and financial responsibility.
people online talk so much about hating babies and kids but in "the meatspace" people LOVE babies. hang out with a baby and you will see so many people staring at you with big smiles and waving at you and going "that baby is SO cute" and generally being pleasant unprompted. the lady at the vietnamese place just now gave us like three extra soup spoons because my niece loves those spoons but kept dropping them on the floor and the lady kept giving us more with a massive smile on her face. on our walk today a bunch of construction guys waved and grinned at her the whole time we walked by, and when we passed by an elementary school a little girl said "your baby's really sweet!" babies are not balls of irritation and hatred they are beacons of joy and kindness actually and they bring out the best in strangers. whenever im out with her we have multiple positive interactions with strangers who are so happy to see her. or maybe it's just that my baby niece is the cutest most wonderful baby in the world :]
#idk i feel like most childfree people don't hate kids#they just hate the idea of their life with them#and many i think bear resentment to the people pressuring them#because we have this odd notion that you *must* have kids to achieve some arbitrary milestone#that your world is sad without them or something#an idea that is ESPECIALLY peddled towards women#or that our parents feel “owed” grandchildren#i felt too young to be commenting on this but...#my aunts and grandparents had kids around this age errr#your honor i am just a girl#so glad i will be mid-late 20s by the time i finish my degree and training#because i'm using that as a shield against marriage and kids let me tell you
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i did wrestling in middle school. on one hand, i was actually quite good at it, which was nice. being good at any sport was a new achievement for me. on the other hand, i was bi, and i was trying very hard not to notice that i was bi, and getting folded into knots by very kind, very muscular dorks made that task somewhat difficult.
adding fire to the problem was that my parents and my grandparents wanted to watch my matches, because they were very proud that their Gangly Nerd Son was actually Sporting, and they wanted to cheer me on. which would've been sweet and all, but if there are four people you do not want there during a key part of your Burgeoning Sexual Awakening, it is your mom and your dad and your grandma and your grandpa.
right? i mean, imagine some guy's got your head in his armpit, and you're going you know, old sweat smells bad, but fresh sweat has a sort of and then you make eye contact with your grandpa in the stands and you remember you're swearing spandex so if you pop a boner people aren't just going to be able to see the outline, they're going to be able to count the veins, and the only way you will be able to restore your family's honor after that would be by moving to siberia and renouncing joy, forever. that, or lift your entire body up by your kneck then twist 180 degrees without paralyzing yourself.
it’s a lot of pressure, is what i’m saying.
still it did motivate me to win my matches really fast. because i was so tall and skinny, i was stupidly good at the double leg takedown, and then once someone was knocked down, i'd just do the half nelson and kind of flip em over for the pin. then the ref would count to three and i’d win. EZPZ.
i had one match where that went great. won in the first ten seconds, sat back down, and prepared myself for a good hour or two of doing fuck all. didn't even feel bad the parents/grandparents were gonna be bored. the matches went up from me in 5 pound increments (i was in the 115 lbs division) and it was going great until we got to the 145 lbs division. the other school's wrestler stepped onto the mat, and she turned out to be a girl so our guy flipped, because for straight guys, wrestling a girl is not a pleasant experience.
i'm not entirely unsympathetic. my experience wrestling dudes was definitely a little traumatic. but also, i dealt. guy could've dealt too. instead, he refused to wrestle, and the coach went - fine. not even worth fighting over.
so he went to the 140 pounder, and that guy said, nosir, my mom said mormons can't wrestle girls. next guy down, 135 pounder, now he knew he could pull the same card and thus did. 130 pounder, 125, both tapped out. he got to the 120 guy, and that guy was catholic, but he said he was considering being mormon, and thus would have to pass. as a precaution.
coach blew up a little at that. he said "is there anyone - anyone - on this entire goddamn team that is willing to wrestle a girl?" and then he pointed at me and said "YOU. MAT. GO."
and i'll be real, if i'd been paying more attention, i'd have pulled the mormon card too, but i'd just been putting all that audio into a buffer file because i was reading, so i was halfway across the mat before i even processed what had been said and by then it was too late to turn back.
still i had a plan. and my plan - my beautiful, perfect plan - was to do what i'd always done. tackle, flip, pin, win. sit down. read. bore my family to death. move on.
i got the first part right. she was bigger than me, but she wasn't taller. just an incredibly stout woman. god built me like a snake with glasses, just as he built her like a combat cube. the problem was the half nelson. soon as she was down, i tried hooking my arm under hers from behind and for both genders, the defense for this move is just clamping your arms really fucking tight against your sides. if you're a guy, that's whatever, but if you're a girl - especially if you're god's chosen combat cube - that pins your opponents hand right against your boob.
so, i got the hook in, she clamped, my whole arm pressed against something soft, my coach was yelling THE HALF NELSON. BABYLON! JUST FINISH IT! FINISH THE HALF NELSON! and i was just trying to press hard enough to finish, when then my brain went
...oh.
and i flipped out. of course i flipped out. i like girls, and touching a boob is an elemental experience, and i was not ready. i was not prepared. i had not committed the sacred rites. i recoiled like i'd just brushed my arm against the surface of the sun, stood up, and backed away. nobody in the room knew why i'd given up. all they saw was me, right about to win, suddenly flailing around and scrambling. so everyone started screaming at me to just get the half nelson again, and i couldn't really yell back there's a fuckin' boob in the way and it was very distressing, and the only way i could think of to make them stop was just doing it over again the right way.
so i did.
i hunkered down and prepared myself for Wrasslin' Attempt #2: The Sequel.
i knocked her down again, EZPZ. i went for the half nelson again, but she knew what i was about to do so she super clamped, and i knew she was gonna super clamp, so i wound my arm back like a pop-eye cartoon punch before swinging my arm through the gap between her bicep and her side, but the amount of time i spent winding back super signalled what i was about to to do, which gave her time to clamp even harder, which somehow redirected the entire force of the popeye punch to the bottom of her bra.
it spat out a single boob the same way an action hero might spit out one single tooth after getting a solid crack across the jaw. as if to say:
*ptooie.* "that all you got?"
i did not actually see this. my experience was that first there was an arm, then there was a bit of boob, but i was braced, i was ready, forward at all costs, tatakae motherfuckers, and then the boob went away, and i didn't know where it went but my team, and the audience, and everyone who was in front of me, they all gasped like i just kicked them in the stomach. except for my coach. he was behind me, and thus one of the four people in the room who did not see the boob. now my mom, my dad, my grandma, and my grandpa, they all got flashed but nooooooo, coach thunderbutt was behind me, and he didn't see shit so he was still yelling NOOOOOO BABYLON WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST FINISH THE NELSON! GO FOR THE KILL! BABYLON! BABYLON!
but i did not go for the kill. i stood up and she stuffed her boob back real fast, and we just kind of circled each other awkwardly until time ran out and i won on points. that's not technically allowed, but the ref had some mercy on me.
my coach did not.
i barely had time to sit down before he strode over to the bench to chew me out.
"babylon," he said, in that very calm way people get when they're too pissed to yell. "why didn't you pin?"
and i didn't know how to say well coach, i tried, but there was a boob, and it kept getting in the way, and my mom was watching, and so was my dad, and so was his dad, and his mom, and god (like bible god) and that's a can of worms because i'm pretty sure he was already mad at me, and i'm wearing spandex, and i think i might have to move to siberia, so instead i said
"i uh. i forgot how to do the half nelson."
which is actually impossible. forgetting how to do the half nelson is like forgetting how to swallow your spit.
and he looked at me, like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked through him like i'd just survived my 250th day in a trench at verdun, and he said: fine.
fine.
but we're all going to practice it for an hour tomorrow because you forgot.
and then he left.
and my buddies had the gall to be salty about it. i got so many comments saying "dude, why didn't you just tell him the truth?" and i said "you can if you care so damn much. you could've wrestled the girl too. maybe someone else should do the hard thing today."
but they didn't. so the next day, we did an hour of half nelson drills, and i spent a decent amount of time getting thrown around the mat, and it was pleasant in exactly the way that i hated and the year after that, to the surprise of everyone but myself, i quit wrestling and joined the trivia team.
and if you want more reasons to love my mom, my grandpa joked after the match that i might have to talk to my bishop about it, and my mom told him he would be allowed to make jokes after he stood in front of a crowd of 110 people in spandex underpants while wrestling a woman that was not his wife.
he paused for almost five seconds after that. then he said: aw. hell. sorry babylon.
and i'd have preferred my apology from god, but getting it from him was pretty good too.
#whew boy this make me anxious just typing it#wrestling#middle school#the dread#i feel like i have to write some stories about my grandpa not being a dick#because he was actually an amazing grandpa#he just had a few goofs are very comedic moments#and you know if you're gonna have a goof making it comedic is a virtue in itself#he was there for me more than a lot of my classmates dads were#and i dont want that undervalued#yeah#babylon-lore
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