#Hiccups

[starweaversguidetothehazbinhotel]

Okay I am taking the NSFW out of this prompt.

https://www.tumblr.com/worm-writes-hicfics/757388510855593984/hey-its-the-same-person-who-asked-about-a-luci

It may or may not be a hot take- but..

-~-~-

Lucifer can’t get hiccups.

A shame really-Because he finds them absolutely ADORABLE. They are the mortal version of a rubber duck squeak.

So tiny. So precious. So human.

Oh- He has tried to trigger his own hiccup-fit; but after a millennium or two, Lucifer has begrudgingly accepted that it’s never going to happen. It’s disappointing, but He is not mortal and his angelic body doesn’t need to randomly spasm in such a way. (After all this time, He’s still not even sure why humans bodies did it. Seriously- besides being cute- it served no purpose whatsoever)

The hotels resident radio demon however? For all his sense of propriety and self-control; was still once a human being. His demonic attributes do NOT make him immune to the embarrassing condition.

A fact Lucifer gleefully discovered after a night of drunkenly swapping puns and terrible dad jokes with his daughter’s creepy hotelier.

Alastor’s laughter ringing through the hotel lobby; before dissolving into a fit of unrefined snorts, hiccups, and -“Apple of Eden, was that a BLEAT?”

Oh; that had no right being as adorable -interesting-as it was. And it was definitely not something Lucifer would exploit for his own amusement in the future.

Now he just needs to figure out how to make the sinner laugh like that again.

[surrexi]

shoutout to @dduane for posting about the science behind how a spoonful of sugar stops hiccups in their tracks because i had somehow convinced myself that i had overestimated the effectiveness of said hiccup cure as a child but i just got some bad hiccups and, reassured that it's a real cure, i ate a spoonful of sugar and it stopped them so immediately i almost feel like i imagined having them in the first place lol

[berkian-in-gotham]

I'm not even surprised anymore. You, in Gotham, have a DRAGON!! Is he pettable? Does he bite? What food does he like?

@mist-in-the-wind

He is pettable, he doesn’t bite unless necessary, and he likes fish and most meats.

No eels.

[facts-i-just-made-up]

What is the 20th entry in you new book for the letter H?

It's based on this post.

[marlynnofmany]

The Indignity that is Hiccups

I leaned against the broom and yawned, tired in more ways than one. The mess in the storage hold was going to take a while to clean. And just because the universe has ironic timing, I hiccupped while my mouth was wide open. It echoed off the metal walls. Luckily for me, none of my alien crewmates were there to hear it. 

Or so I thought. A bundle of tentacles and a curious squid face peered around the doorway. 

I sighed, hiccuping again. “Yes it’s me; no I’m not doing it on purpose.”

Mur eased into the room, stepping carefully around the snowdrifts of flour from where a storage crate had broken. “Why are you making that kind of noise on accident?” He was carrying a bundle of something wrapped up in one tentacle, but seemed more interested in conversation than in whatever that was.

“It’s called hiccups,” I said. “I suppose it’s too much to hope that other species have to deal with this to-o?” As much as I tried to get the sentence out smoothly, I was betrayed at the end.

“None that I know of. So what is it? Some kind of compulsion?”

“No, nothing like that.” I went back to sweeping with irritated strokes of the broom. “It’s a muscle spasm that’s never been fully explained. It usually goes away pretty quickly for me, but it’s annoying. Much like this flour.”

“I bet,” Mur said, looking around the room. He uncurled his tentacle. “I brought batteries for the big gravity wand.”

“Oh, Paint just went to get some! Thank you. She’ll be back soon.”

“Good,” Mur said, wiping at the flour dust that was already settling on him. “Ugh, this is unpleasant.”

“Sure i-is,” I hiccuped, followed by an exasperated noise. “At least I don’t get acid reflux with the hiccups. Small mercies.”

Mur asked, “Get what?” as Paint arrived, wielding the big gravity wand like a broadsword.

“Stand back! Oh, hi Mur. These batteries are only half charged, so I’m going to clean as fast as I can!” As short as she was, she looked like a scaly child waving a grownup weapon that she had no business using. Which wasn’t entirely wrong.

“I am standing ba-ack,” I announced, taking my broom to the doorway where the air was clearer.

Paint gave me a sideways look, finger hesitating over the power button.

I sighed and brushed flour dust off my sleeve. “It’s a stupid human thing.”

“Muscle spasms,” Mur put in helpfully. “Apparently sometimes they come with acid?”

“With what?” Paint demanded.

“Not like that,” I hurried to clarify. “Some people get stomach acid splashing up their throat, just enough to hurt.”

“That’s terrible,” Paint said, concern all over her scaly orange face. “What causes it?”

“No one’s really sure. My favorite theory is that it’s evolutionary history, our brains trying to breathe with gills, but—” I paused for another hiccup. “—Pretty sure that’s not actually it.”

“Wild,” Mur said. “Here, Paint; I brought fresh batteries.”

“Oh, thank you! No wonder I couldn’t find them.”

That would have been a great time for the hiccups to stop, while the conversation had moved on, but no such luck. I leaned against the door frame and tried to breathe evenly.

Paint juggled batteries, finally setting the gravity wand on the floor to swap them out properly. After another loud hiccup, she asked, “What makes the muscle spasms go away?”

“They usually do on their own,” I said. “Some people get them for a long time, but I’ve been pretty lu-ucky.”

“Sure,” Mur said, picking up the old batteries. “Lucky.”

Paint stood back up. “Nothing makes them calm down faster?”

“There are a few things,” I admitted. “Mostly stuff to distract the person from paying attention to them, really. Drink water from the far side of a cup, get startled by something, hold your breath a long time. I usually just take a lot of deep breaths, and they go aw-ay.” I grimaced. “Not today, apparently.”

Something hard closed around both shoulders and yanked me backward into the hallway, to where open mandibles hissed in my face, surrounded by shiny black exoskeleton and terrifying faceted eyes.

“Ahhh! Good gods, Trrili!” I stumbled upright, gasping for breath as she released me with far too much smugness.

“You arrrre welcome,” Trrili purred. “Wasss that enough of a ssstarrrtle, orrr ssshould I find a nice hiding placcce to jump out frrrom?”

“I’m good; thanks!” I said. My heart was beating dangerously fast, but the hiccups were long gone.

“Hm. Disappointing,” Trrili said, dropping the hiss. “Let me know if you require further medicinal terror.” Then she glided off down the hallway on many quiet bug legs.

I shuddered a little. “Yeah. Sure. I’ll do that.”

Paint was wide-eyed, crouched to pick up the gravity wand where she’d dropped it. I’d dropped the broom too, and I hadn’t heard either of them fall. The batteries had fallen out again.

Paint asked, “Are you going to tell her next time you have those spasms?”

“Ha! No, I don’t think I will.”

“I might,” Mur said with a grin.

“Hey now,” I said sternly, bending to pick up the broom. “Don’t make me sweep flour on you.”

He laughed and danced out of range, and the three of us got back to work cleaning up with nary a hiccup.

I did sneeze at the dust, which started a whole other conversation, but at least they knew what those were.

~~~

The ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book. More to come! And I am currently drafting a sequel!

[lushpuppyxxx]

Everythingbs a lidddle but wonbbly

[sarisfanart]

Their favorite fits..

[lilliethepooh]

I’m watching the rugrats and eating an adult happy meal. Basically, I couldn’t be happier! I’m so cozy and I have a pink blanket AND a McFlurry!!

As I wrote this post out I got the hiccups, all my joy is gone! Hiccups make me want to stomp my feet in rage!! This hurts so baaaaad

[angora48]

Maritza & Eric #1 - "Saturday Morning Solitude"

After waiting for her next “*hiiup!*” to hit her, Maritza took a deep breath, plugged her nose, and cannonballed in, submerging deep into the cold water that felt amazing after the first two-and-half sweaty miles of her hike.

Even underwater, Maritza could still feel herself hiccupping as she held her breath, the hiccups thumping hard against her chest. She broke the surface of the water, exhaling and letting out a loud “*HIC-uck!*”

These are a couple of my favorite OCs to write for. College age, M/F, female hiccups. Full story under the cut!

It was Saturday morning, and that meant Maritza Campos was nowhere near campus. Camden College was a super-stuffy private school, and Maritza frequently had to remind her gifted and talented butt how much a degree from there was going to pay off. After an awkward fall of tentatively socializing and realizing that the trust-fund kids who populated Camden could practically smell the scholarship on her, she’d learned that Friday night parties and lazy afternoons on the quad were decidedly not for her.

Later in the day, she’d tackle her mountain of homework, call Mami, and pretend she wasn’t constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown or an identity crisis—it varied from week to week—but the morning was hers. She’d risen with the sun, gotten ready in damn near silence so as not to wake her roommate Brynne, and hopped the first bus to her new favorite spot.

The Camden campus was quite a sight when Martiza had arrived in the fall, all storied architecture and manicured lawns, but it had nothing on Evenswood Park and Nature Preserve, a sprawling place of natural beauty complete with multiple hiking trails, pristine lakes, and even a waterfall if you didn’t collapse in the eight-mile trek to get to it. Maritza had only managed that last one twice so far, but it was worth all the aching muscles.

She wasn’t trying for the waterfall today—the last week had contained about sixteen days’ worth of stress, and Maritza loved herself too much to pile on more on her day off. She’d opted instead for a four-mile trail, nothing herculean but still a stretch. The stress of college life meant her Freshman 15 was more like a Freshman 25, and her already-curvy frame had gotten distinctly curvier since starting school. And sure, when Maritza hiked, she stopped frequently to take in the scenery or just enjoy the fresh air, but exercise was exercise, right?

Though Maritza had only made it out to Evenswood for the first time back in February, when she’d worn a jacket and it was too cold to take a dip in the inviting waters, it had quickly become her go-to Saturday getaway. Far away from all the sniping and drama and packs of freshmen who’d never grown out of their Mean Girl phase, far from the stress and expectations. Just her and the wide-open world, forgetting about everything else for a few glorious hours.

She was heading up a long uphill stretch through picturesque trees, determined to get to the top before her next break. Even though it was still early, the sun was hot, and Maritza’s short legs were exclaiming, We didn’t agree to this! But a light breeze blew around her, playing with a few strands of dark curly hair that had escaped her ponytail.

A dozen more strides, and there she was, cresting the top of the hill. There was a break in the trees, and Maritza felt a warm glow of peaceful contentment as she looked out over the rolling landscape below.

Fumbling behind her for her drawstring backpack, Maritza took a few greedy gulps of water; she was already working up a good sweat.

At school, there was really no place to just be alone. The quad was never empty, the library always had members of the Future’s Best and Brightest coming and going, and even on the rare occasions when Maritza was in the dorm without Brynne there, she could always hear noise and activity pulsing just down the hall. She’d been a city girl all her life, and noise and activity had never bothered her, but now that she was living away from home, she found herself craving moments of solitude like this.

After filling her lungs with another good dose of clean air, Maritza decided to continue making her way down the trail, heading back along the wooded path. As she walked, she gulped down a few more mouthfuls of cold water, getting hit with a hard, silent hiccup just after her last swallow.

Maritza had slung her backpack around to put her water bottle back when she hiccupped again, a loud “*HUCK!*”, followed just a few seconds later by a strong “*hiiup!*”

She paused, standing in the middle of the trail with her hand on her chest and waiting expectantly. “*HUCK-ulp!*”

Yep, she’d definitely given herself the hiccups. Way to go, Maritza, she thought, bemused. She reached for her water again, then reconsidered—after all, drinking too fast was what had led to her present situation.

“Hair of th-the dog?” she pondered aloud, then giggled, bringing on a sharp “*huck!*” Yeah, maybe not. She decided to hold her breath instead, waiting a good fifteen seconds before letting it all out in a puff.

Three seconds of silence, and then, “*HULP!*”

After a quick deliberation, Maritza decided to screw it. Nobody was around, and anyway, hiccups didn’t hurt anything. Her Saturday mornings were too precious to spend stressing over it. So she resumed her trek, amusing herself as her strong “*HUCKs!*” and “*hulps!*” threw the rhythm of her stride a bit off-kilter.

Maritza figured it probably wasn’t going to be a day for getting a good look at any birds or rabbits or anything, what with her loud hiccups announcing her arrival everywhere she went, but that was okay. She could still hear birds singing in the trees, and now and then she spotted one fluttering out ahead of her. She hung around for a bit watching a spider construct a web that shimmered a little in the sunlight, and she took pictures of a few of the wildflowers she saw.

If she had to guess, hiking with the hiccups was probably a better workout than hiking without, because she noticed she was definitely breathing harder than usual, drinking more frequently and thirstily from her water bottle. Neither of which did her hiccups any favors—after about half an hour, they were coming harder and faster, and they were loud.

Maritza found that she didn’t mind it all that much, though. There was something weirdly freeing about being all by herself with a bad case of hiccups and just letting them do their thing. Not getting frustrated trying to cure them, not trying to keep them quiet so she wouldn’t bother anybody—taking up exactly as much space as she needed and not apologizing to anybody for it.

By the time she made it to the lake, Maritza was starting to get a stitch in her side, so she was more than ready for the break. Now that the weather was plenty warm, she’d taken to wearing her two-piece swimsuit underneath her hiking clothes—sure, a swimsuit top didn’t exactly provide as much support as a sports bra would’ve, a point that her hiccups were making extra obvious, but that was a small trade-off for easy access to instant swimming.

So she pulled off her shoes, laughing at herself as a strong “*HULP!*” almost knocked her off balance. She set her backpack on the ground and stripped off her socks, T-shirt, and shorts to reveal her cute swimsuit, magenta streaked with turquoise. She tucked as much of her hair as she could into her swim cap, then took one last drink of water before heading to a rocky outcrop that looked out over the crystal-clear lake.

After waiting for her next “*hiiup!*” to hit her, Maritza took a deep breath, plugged her nose, and cannonballed in, submerging deep into the cold water that felt amazing after the first two-and-half sweaty miles of her hike.

Even underwater, Maritza could still feel herself hiccupping as she held her breath, the hiccups thumping hard against her chest. She broke the surface of the water, exhaling and letting out a loud “*HIC-uck!*”

There was something so relaxing, sensory, and indulgent about swimming. Maritza didn’t see eye-to-eye with her stuck-up classmates on much, but she totally got why they all had private pools at home and country club memberships. If she were rich, the first thing she’d do was buy her family a house by a lake and go swimming with her sisters every single morning.

She hung out in the water for a good 20 minutes, alternately swimming around and floating on her back, liking the feeling of the hot sun on her front and the cool water at her back. All the while, her hiccups kept going strong, jerking her body with abandon and sounding even louder in such a still, serene place. If anybody was around to see her in that state, they probably would’ve scratched their heads over how she could possibly be so relaxed with a hard, loud hiccup erupting from her every few seconds.

When Maritza finally swam back to shore, she decided to laze about in the sun for a while, letting herself dry off a little before getting dressed again. She pulled off her swim cap and shook her hair out. Giggling at a super-loud “*HULK!*” brought on a “*hiiup!*--*HIC-ulp!*” in short succession.

She found that lying on her stomach was a little uncomfortable, because her hiccups kept pushing her stomach hard against the smooth rock beneath her, so she rolled over, propping herself up on her elbows as she stretched her legs and looked out over the water.

That’s how she was chilling when she heard a sudden voice behind her. “Maritza?”

Instinctively, Maritza clamped her mouth shut before her next hiccup escaped, muffling it to a strong “*HMMK!*” She whipped around, reaching haphazardly for her clothes as she saw one of the guys from Camden standing about 30 feet behind her. “L-Langdon?” she stammered, hastily starting to pull on her shirt as she was hit with another “*HMMK!*”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said, holding his hands out in front of him as if Maritza were a deer he didn’t want to spook. “And ‘Eric’ is fine.”

This last remark pulled Maritza up short. Everybody called Langdon by his last name—his many friends called him Langdon, and all the eager hangers-on who wanted to be his friend hopefully called him Langdon. The only people she’d seen call him Eric were professors.

But then, she supposed, we’re not really friends, are we?

She remembered sitting up and taking notice the first time she’d heard his name during a roll call: Eric Langdon-Reyes. Intrigued, she’d peered around the classroom and spotted him, one of the few other nonwhite faces in the room. She’d wondered briefly if he was like her, a scholarship kid who felt out of place among their monied classmates, but that hadn’t lasted long. She soon caught how often professors asked Langdon to pass obsequious messages to his mother on their behalf or breathlessly inquired after his grandfather. Definitely a rich boy, old-money rich from the sounds of it.

Now, as Maritza scrambled to pull her shirt and shorts back on over her swimsuit, keeping her lips pressed tightly together against her forceful, unrelenting hiccups, she glanced at Langdon with her curls falling in her face.

“Eh-Eric, hey,” she said, pretending she was anything approaching casual. “Y-*HMMP!*-you just get he-- here?”

Langdon—Eric—raised his eyebrows slightly at her, and Maritza realized what a boneheaded question that was to ask two-and-a-half-miles from the nearest park entrance. “How would I have managed that?” he asked.

With her clothes back on, Maritza felt she’d regained at least a scrap of dignity, so she fumbled less as she reached for her socks. “Hey, I don’t kn-*hlp!*-know your life,” she remarked. “For all I know, *HMMK!*-you got parachuted in or some-*HUCK!*-thing.”

That last loud hiccup had snuck up on her, and Maritza promptly clamped her mouth shut again, suddenly very interested in tying her shoes.

Eric chuckled. At first, Maritza figured it was at her hiccups, but he simply answered, “No parachutes. I feel like that would kind of defeat the purpose.”

“Righ-- right,” Maritza replied, straightening up and wishing to god she’d made more of an effort to get rid of her hiccups when they first started. “Who, um, *HMMK!*-who all is here-*hrrk!*” The last thing she needed was for Langdon and a bunch of his douchebag friends to see her right now.

But he shook his head. “Just me,” he told her.

A tiny bit of Maritza was able to relax a very little. While Langdon—Eric—rolled with a big crew of “Have you checked your stock portfolio today?” A-holes, she’d noted that he appeared to stay just on the periphery of the group. She’d never seen him turn his nose up at scholarship kids, and more than once, she’d noticed him change the subject when the topic of conversation turned to Why the Poors are Ruining the Price of Cobalt Mining or whatever the hell they liked to talk about. If it was just Eric, she might not be in immediate danger of dying of embarrassment.

“Oh-- okay,” she mumbled. “*HMMP!*”

“You okay?” Eric asked. “I’d offer to scare you, but I think I just did that, and it didn’t seem to help much.”

It was the first reference he’d made to Maritza’s monster case of hiccups—trying to stifle them wasn’t doing much good, since getting dressed before she’d had time to dry off meant that every bounce of her body was evident through her clingy wet shirt. But somehow, Maritza didn’t want to curl up in a hole when he said it.

“Yeah,” she said, opting for what she hoped was a whatcha gonna do? sort of smile. “I don’t th*HIC-uck!*-think there’s anything I can do-*HMMP!*-at this point to get them to st-- to stop before they’re good and rea-*HMMK!*-ready.”

Eric nodded. “I won’t bug you with suggestions then,” he said. “Are you on Trail #6? You want to walk together?”

This question caught Maritza so off guard she forgot to keep her mouth closed, and a loud “*HUCK-ulp!*” popped out. “Oh,” she said. “I m-- I mean,” she looked out at the lake in front of him, “you’re just gonna pas-*HMMK!*-pass up a primo swimming-*hllk!*-opportunity?”

“I cut over from Trail #3,” Eric explained. “I went swimming over there earlier.”

He was on his second trail of the day, and his first was six miles long. He probably saw the waterfall whenever he wanted.

“Um, ok-*HMMP!*-okay,” Maritza said. She still wasn’t sure what to make of her Saturday morning alone time suddenly acquiring an unexpected visitor, but she decided to roll with it. Could Eric Langdon-Reyes have picked a worse time to decide he wanted to be hiking buddies? Probably not, but what the hell.

Eric gave a quiet smile. “Cool,” he said, nodding toward the trail. “You going this way?” Maritza nodded, badly stifling another hiccup, and he headed off in that direction.

He wasn’t a big guy, but he had at least half a foot on Maritza’s 5’4” build, and he was trim. Maritza was prepared to pump her legs hard enough to say, I can keep up just fine with Mr. I Do Two Trails in One Day, but to her surprise, Eric took up a pretty leisurely pace, pointing out different types of trees and plants with an almost nerdy pleasure.

“I didn’t know you-*HMMP!*-were into this stuff,” Maritza said. “You c-*llp!*-come here often? *HMMK!*”

“Whenever I can,” Eric replied. “My senior year, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to go to Camden or somewhere further from home, but this place sealed the deal.”

“I get th-- that,” Maritza said. “It’s been-*HIC-uck!*-a godsend for keeping me sane th-*hrrk!*-these last few month-- months.”

Eric turned to her and grinned, and the solitary word cheekbones! urgently popped into Martiza’s head. “Totally,” he said. “So you’re here a lot too?”

Maritza nodded. “It’s my-*HMMP!* -my Saturday morning spot,” she explained.

“Sweet,” Eric said.

The stitch in Maritza’s side was starting to come back with a vengeance. She stopped walking, grabbing her water bottle and taking a few (careful!) swallows. Eric slowed to a stop. “You all right?” he asked, his eyes drifting to the hand she held to her side.

“Y-*HMMK!*-yeah,” Maritza told him. She took in a few deep breaths and let out a loud “*HUCK!*--*HIC-ulp!*” Her cheeks burned, but it felt better not to stifle her hiccups.

“S-- sorry,” she said. “I don’t think-*HULP!*-I can keep my mouth closed ih-*hiiup!*-if I want to make-- make it to the end-*HUCK!*-of this trail. *HIC-uck!* I’m just not get-*HULK!*-getting enough air otherwis-*HERK!*”

“Makes sense,” Eric reasoned. He counted off on his fingers. “Hiking plus heat plus hiccups? You need to be breathing more deeply, not less.”

Another loud “*HULK!*” rocked Maritza’s body, and she was painfully aware that her swimsuit top was visible through her wet scoop-necked T-shirt. “I won’t b-*HULP!*-be offended if you want me to-*HUCK-ulp!*-hang back until you get a-*HUCK!*-head of me,” she said. “I-*HULK!*-I don’t want to mess uh-- up your relaxi-*HERK!*-relaxing nature vibe.”

“Naw, you’re fine,” Eric told her.

Maritza frowned through another hiccup. “You s-*herk!*-you sure?” she asked.

“Hey, when I saw you by the lake, you weren’t letting those hiccups get in the way of your ‘relaxing nature vibe,’ so why should I complain?” Eric pointed out. He smiled, and as they started to walk again, Maritza found herself lowkey admiring his wavy black hair, smart brown eyes, and golden-brown complexion.

“I mean, there you were,” he went on, “just lying in the sun, totally chill and hiccupping like crazy. I looked at you and I thought, ‘I don’t think I’ve ever been that contented in my whole life.’ It was, I don’t know, just cool.” He looked down and smiled softly.

Wait, was Eric Langdon-Reyes getting shy with her? Freshman 25-figured, dime-stretching, uncontrollably hiccupping Maritza Campos? How did that work?

Maritza could’ve played it off, like, What can I say? That’s just how I roll. She could’ve said something pointed and snarky, like, Hey, after all the passive-aggressive little digs I put up with on campus, I’m not about to let a few hiccups phase me! But for some reason, something in his words and his expression made her decide to be sincere.

“I was actua-*HIC-uck!*-actually thinking the same k-- kinda thing earlier,” she said. “*HULK!* It’s weird, but-*HERK!*-there’s something almost lib-*hiiup!*-erating about being in-*HUCK!*-the middle of nowhere and not ca-- caring that you have the hih-*HIC!*-cups.”

“I could see that,” Eric mused. “We all spend so much time worrying about other people that it must be nice to shed all that, especially in, well, such a big way.”

It was an oblique reference to how loud and forceful Maritza’s hiccups were, and it made her laugh. Which, naturally, prompted a rapid “*HUCK!*--*HERK!**HIC-ulk!”” Sheepishly, she said, “Maybe not s-*HUCK!* -such a big way next-*HULP!*-time.”

Eric grinned back at her. “Yeah, maybe not,” he agreed.

For the rest of their hike, they fell into easy conversation, mostly about Evenswood: the toughest trails, their favorite spots, the coolest thing they’d ever spied out on a hike. But they also talked a little about classes and other school stuff, and summer plans.

“I’m just gon-- gonna be home,” Maritza explained. “*HULK!* I always spend the summe-*HERK!*- the summer helping out in my dad’s-*HUCK!*-car shop.”

Eric raised his eyebrows, impressed. “You work on cars?”

“I do-*hiiup!*-a lot of running aroun-*HULP!*” Maritza clarified. “My younger sister Pi-*HIIC!*-Pilar is the family gear-*HERK!*-head, my older-- older sister Josie was only ever-*HUCK!*-ever trusted to answer the ph-*HULK!*-phones, and I run around gr-*HUCK-ulk!*-grabbing this and that, whatever-*HULP!*-the mechanics need.”

“That’s cool,” Eric said. “I might be doing this short study abroad thing, but that only lasts until the middle of July.”

“Ooo-*HOLK!*-ooh, fancy!” Maritza said, lightly teasing. “Where you go-*HUCK!*-going?”

“Italy, probably,” he told her. “I was hoping for Ireland, but the dates conflicted with some stuff my mom has going on this summer.”

Maritza opened her mouth to reply, but she only managed a loud hiccup before Eric clarified, “Not that I’m complaining about going to Italy! Obviously. I just really love Ireland.”

Maritza pretended to deliberate over this statement, jerking hard with her next “*HIC-uck!*” Finally, she said, “Okay, val-*HIC!*-valid. I’ll allow-- it.”

Eric laughed. “Much obliged,” he told her.

When they reached the end of the trail, Eric said, “I should probably get going—Chem is kicking my butt this semester, and I’ve got a ton of reading to do before my next lab. You sticking around for a while?”

“Just unt-*HIC-erk!*-until my bus comes,�� Maritza told him. “Hopefully my-- my hiccups decide to stop-*HUCK!*-before then.”

“Good point,” Eric said, wincing. “You wanna just ride with me? Then you won’t have to worry about it.”

The notion gave Maritza pause. Hanging out with Eric in Evenswood was one thing, but riding back to campus with him? Getting out of his car in full view of his friends?

Screw it. “Okay,” she agreed, “but-*HULP!*-but I still hope my hih-*HIC-uck!*-hiccups go away before we get-*hiiup!*back.”

“If not, we can just drive around until they do,” Eric reasoned. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

It was settled. Soon, they were zipping through rolling hills with the windows down, Maritza’s hair back in a ponytail so it didn’t spend the entire ride flying in her mouth. As they chatted about this and that, she finally decided to satisfy her curiosity.

“So-*HUCK-ulp!*” she said, “Langdon-Reye-*HERK!*-Reyes, huh?”

Eric glanced at her and smiled. “No one ever uses the ‘Reyes,’” he observed.

“I’ve noti-*HIC!*-noticed,” Maritza said. “Where’s it come-*hulk!*-from?”

“My dad,” he explained. “He’s Filipino.”

“Serio-- ously?” Maritza replied. “A couple frien-*HERK!*-friends of mine from high school-*huck!*-are Filipina. Now, ob-*HIC-uck!*-obviously Chicanos make the best-*HULP!*-spreads, but like, you put m-*hiiup!*-my abuelita and one of my friends’ lo-*HULK!*-las in the kitchen together? *HUCK-erk!* I don’t know who’d w-*HIC!*-win, but nobody would go-*hulp!*-go home hungry. What’s your fa-- favorite dish?”

Eric kept his eyes on the road, his mouth a tight line. “I don’t really see my dad’s side of the family,” he said. “I live with my mom.”

“Oh,” Maritza replied “That-*hulp!*-sucks. Well, I d-- I don’t mean…*hmmk!* Or, well, does ih-*HIC!*-it suck?”

“It can,” Eric admitted. “My mom…well, she’s from a very particular world, and it’s one that I don’t always fit into that well.”

“Or your-*herk!*-your dad?” Maritza suggested, catching the implications between the lines.

“He was never ‘part of the plan,’” Eric explained, and Maritza could hear the quotation marks in his voice. “And I mean, of course I know how lucky I’ve been, the opportunities I’ve had. But sometimes, it feels like I’ve had to be only a certain part of myself in order to get them, and that kind of sucks. And, well, you’ve seen what people are like at Camden.” Maritza nodded. “Those are the sort of people I’ve been around my whole life and…” He trailed off, then glanced at her with an expression of hopeful surprise. “Hey, did your hiccups go away?”

Maritza let out an exhale. “No, I w-*hulp!*-I was holding my-- breath,” she told her. “It seemed-*HUCK-ulp!*-rude to hiccup through your-*herk!*-sob story.”

“Oh, is that what it is?” Eric asked.

Maritza snuck an honest look at him. “You know w-*HULK!*-what I mean,” she said.

“Yeah,” Eric agreed softly. The silent moment between them was broken by Maritza’s loud “*HERK!*”, and he said, “Well, thanks for the consideration. But, um, let’s talk about something else, okay?”

Although Maritza was morbidly curious to hear more about the minefield of being half-Filipino in a private-jets-and-pleasure-yachts social circle, she thought it best not to pry, so they moved onto majors. Maritza was a sociology major, while Eric was majoring in business (surprise, surprise) with a minor in history (unexpected—she liked it.)

Maritza’s hiccups decided to abruptly stop a couple miles from campus. While her chest and diaphragm were grateful for the well-deserved reprieve, she found herself a tiny bit disappointed that she wouldn’t have an excuse to keep driving around with Eric waiting for them to go away.

She’d seen enough “opposite sides of the tracks” movies to wonder idly if he would drop her off on the edge of campus so as not to be seen with her, but as she’d come to learn that morning, Eric wasn’t that sort of guy. Instead, he asked which dorm she lived in and drove her right to her building.

“This was fun,” he said as Maritza got out of the car, patting her pockets to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. “Would you want to go to Evenswood together next Saturday?”

“You should know, it has to be a very good day for me to manage Trail #3,” Maritza warned. “I wouldn’t want to cramp your style.”

“We can take whatever trail you want,” he assured her. “Let’s say, hiccups optional this time.”

This drew a laugh from Maritza. It was weird—that morning, it was hard to think of him as Eric, but as she stood before him now, she decided he didn’t look anything like a Langdon. “Hiccups optional,” she agreed.

Eric waited in his car until he saw that her key card worked, then gave her a final wave, and drove off. Maritza headed up to her dorm with her head lightly buzzing over the surprising events of the morning. For someone who cherished her rare moments of solitude, she was certainly pleased with the idea of spending next Saturday with somebody else.

[berkian-in-gotham]

Hug

@omnitrix-10

Hugs!!

[incognitopolls]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[vvvoxal]

8 for vox?

she's gonna do it even if he says no

[elacular-kink]

"We've both got the hiccups" is a phrase that I think about so often and that turns me on so much. "I've got the hiccups" is amazing. "We all have the hiccups" is a little too unbelievable most of the time for me (though when I can metabolize it, whoof). Also, it's a tiny bit harder to make "got" work there, and somehow "got" is sexier than "have" to me. No idea what that's about. But "we've both got the hiccups" is a sledgehammer. Sometimes I barely even have to think anything else, but I can also go into potential scenarios and tone for it.

Incredulity: "We've b---both got the hi–*ic*–ccups?!" Possibly when both characters have been trying to conceal their cases.

Drunken amazement: "Oh my go–*HOK* god, we've both g–*ULK* got the hiccups! *HIULK!*"

Embarrassment: "*HILK!* E-excuse me! I'm s–*ssp* so sorry, we've both go–*hk* got the hi–*hip!* hiccups. *hnk!* Excuse me."

Surprise: "Hey, lo–*HOOP* look! We've both got th–*HUK* the hiccups!"

Amusement: "Holy shi---shit, we've both go–*UCK-ulp!* got the hiccups! *HIK-CULP!*"

Empathetic cooing: "Awww. *hmk* I guess we've both got th---the hiccups, huh? *hmk*"

Mild terror: "W...we've b–*hup* we've both got *hnk* the hiccups?"

Exhaustion: "Hwoof. *hup* 'scuse me. *hmk* Sorry, we–*heep* we've both got *hnk-lk* got the hiccup–*hup*s."

Flirtatious: "Hey, *hnk* guess what. *HMK-mmp.* We've both got th---the hiccups. *HUK!* Mhmhmhmhm...*hnk* Oops."

I gotta cut this off, 'cause I keep thinking of more, but please feel free to share your own thoughts in comments or reblogs.

[crownedghostprince]

Thorin’s Company reaction to Modern!Reader w/ Hiccups

Thorin’s Company x Modern!Reader w/ Hiccups

Fandom: The Hobbit

So recently I learned that humans from our world probably only experience hiccups due to our fish ancestors, so I thought: ‘how would the dwarves, elves, hobbits, humans and wizards of Middle Earth react to Modern!reader with hiccups as none of them would ever have experienced it?’  Y’know, because they were born from Gods/Goddesses?  So expect more of this but for the others lol <3

Requests: Closed. Requested: no.

Warning(s): None other than the occasional mention of reader being a woman but other than that this is simply some fun headcanons.  :D

Note: Enjoy these headcanons <3

Word Count: 4,366 (roughly)

[Second Person Perspective]

(This image is from ‘Elrond’s Daughter’ a tumblr account from 2012 and 2013 ish.  This was posted by them in 2012 so check them out if you like this <3) (You might also recognize this from my previous ‘Thorin’s Company’ fanfic, it’s just very convenient to use).

Thorin: (Romantic):

♡  Thorin didn’t care that you were basically from an entirely different world when he met you through Gandalf at the start of their quest for Erebor.  He was more focused on the fact that you were his One and you were human which he felt meant you needed extra protection and support.

♡   Even though you reassured him you’d be fine and you could handle yourself in battle.  You were trained by the Elves of Rivendell themselves afterall.

♡  Thorin knew what to expect with women more so than the other dwarves so he wasn’t surprised when you - his significant other - had stomach cramps or mood swings.

♡  He felt prepared for anything you might need or want.  He almost always knew how to help you even if it was just hugs that you needed.

♡  That was, of course, until the first time you started making weird, jostling squeaks.

♡  Every time you made one of these squeaks your body would shake a bit, sort of like a flinch.

♡  He was so confused.

♡  What was happening?  Why were you making weird noises?  What should he do?

♡  Was this a human symptom of death?

♡  Did you need food?  Water?

♡  You had to reassure him that they would stop on their own eventually.

♡  He didn’t believe you.

♡  So you said “I am not a fish” and your hiccups stopped completely thus proving your point.

♡  ??Why did you say that??  Did you need to rest?  Are you overtired?  Are you insane?

♡  You answered “yes” to that last one.

♡  He wasn’t amused.

♡  It took a while but he eventually got used to them.

♡  He still offered Oin’s medicinal remedies whenever you started to hiccup again, but you always declined because they’d just go away on their own anyway.

♡  His concern was so sweet but don’t think for a minute he would let you fight with those things.

Fili: (Romantic):

♡  He thought you were weird when you first met.

♡  But in a good way.  Weird in a good way.

♡   You both hit it off the instant you met and shared lots of jokes and pranks with Kili.  Mostly minor pranks that do no damage but are enough to just be funny.

♡  Thorin doesn’t mind unless you delay the journey a few extra minutes.

♡  Luckily you guys never actually get in any real danger or trouble, and when fighting you’ve got each other’s backs.

♡  Kili thinks you’re great and knew you two would eventually court.

♡  As soon as the company had the guts to tell you what their courting traditions were, but until then you had been left to your blissful ignorance and just happily braided Fili’s hair and played with it at the end of long days.

♡  He did not mind one bit.

♡  The company didn’t say anything about it, they thought it was cute and knew you were clueless to its meaning.

♡  After all the adventures you two had been on and all the time spent together, he felt he knew your every quirk and habit.

♡  Fili could read you so well, he knew when you were tired and hungry before you even did.

♡  He’d share his food with you, you’d reciprocate.

♡  So you can imagine his bewilderment when you two are hanging out and you suddenly start squeaking out of nowhere.

♡  He wasn’t really concerned, but he was definitely confused.

♡  Fili knew if it was hurting you, you’d speak up about it but you remained silent in regards to the squeaks the whole time.

♡  After they’d settled and he’d gotten you some water, he decided to ask about them as politely as he could.

♡  He didn’t want to cross any boundaries.

♡  So you happily explained what they were and how you couldn’t control or stop them.

♡  He was honestly glad you were fine, but gosh you’d had him a bit worried.

♡  “Is there anything I can do to help?”

♡  “Actually, water is nice and does help a bit.”  You smiled.

♡  So he made sure to always bring you water whenever you had the hiccups.  He was really sweet and attentive.

♡  You weren’t about to reassure his worries more than you had.  Let’s be honest here, you liked having his attention whenever they occurred.  It was so sweet.

Kili: (Romantic):

♡  Meeting Kili was very interesting.

♡  That’s it.

♡  Nah, totally kidding, here’s the story!

♡  Gandalf had decided to head to Rivendell to find you and have you join the company.  His plan was to leave with you after a good rest and receiving Lord Elrond’s help.

♡  Unfortunately, you’re incredibly unpredictable and constantly climbing trees and buildings like a cat.  Like all the time.

♡  So two days after arriving in Rivendell, the dwarves were getting settled and having fun just relaxing.

♡  The two Princes (Fili and Kili) were casually wandering Rivendell, just exploring the area by themselves, not causing any trouble or bothering anyone with minor pranks for once.

♡  It was a very quiet and uninteresting day.

♡  Until you slipped from your spot on a tree - trying to catch a squirrel - and you fell landing directly on top of Kili.  Just...absolutely destroying this prince’s poor spine with your weight and fall.

♡  Luckily, you were uninjured as a soft, cuddly prince broke your fall!

♡  And that’s how you both first met and Gandalf finally found you and invited you to join the company.

♡  I say “invite” but he dragged you along no matter your answer.

♡  Despite such a rocky beginning you both got along really well and Fili even liked you.  Especially because you apologized a lot for falling onto Kili and he quickly forgave you.

♡  You guys had made good time travelling to Erebor by the time you first had hiccups around the group.

♡  Kili started panicking and began gently shaking you by the shoulders.

♡  “IS THIS HELPING!?”

♡  “no?”

♡  “WHY!?”

♡  It took some time and lots of Fili pulling Kili off you and Thorin pulling the brothers away from you and Balin checking on you and my God you didn’t have a single chance to catch your breath I’m so sorry--

♡  Once you had a sip of water and two whole minutes of quite, your hiccups stopped and you felt so much better.

♡  You gave the best explanation you could and a very better summary.  Because the explanation wasn’t good enough for Kili, he seriously needed to know how to help you next time.

♡  The next time they attacked you, he was ready with honeyed tea and cinnamon.  It didn’t help the hiccups, but it did help your dry throat from the snowy, cold air so you didn’t say anything about it.

♡  Besides!  Kili makes a damn good cup of cinnamon and honey tea.

Dwalin: (Romantic):

♡  This tough, gruff man could not easily trust or care about some stranger he just met for the first time.

♡  Everyone had hidden motives and intentions until proven otherwise by lots of conversing and close watching.

♡  He could easily weed out any spy, evil person, selfish aristocrat - you name the evil, he could spot it and scare them away.

♡  Dwalin had this skill from protecting the line of Durin and serving Thorin for a long time, basically being his bodyguard and most trusted with Balin being the second most trusted and Thorin’s advisor.

♡  So you can bet he wouldn’t care for some strange woman Gandalf forces to join the company.

♡  Right?

♡  Wrong!

♡  To be honest he fell for you the moment he first laid eyes on you and watched as you walked directly into a solid brick wall.

♡  It was kind of funny.

♡  You both got along very well and he found you were actually very knowledgeable and had lots to add in conversations.

♡  He never had to worry about small talk ever again when you were near.

♡  You could handle all the small talk for Dwalin and then just hold a normal conversation with him.  It was perfect, he just got to stand there and politely nod when needed until the person left!

♡  This man is incredibly strong with very good reflexes, so every time you trip, slip or go to walk into a tree he’s there to catch you and redirect you.

♡  You have long-sighted vision, so you’re one hell of an archer, but you can’t see shit three feet in front of you.

♡  Literally you learned to read from 6 feet away from the damn book, but hey it worked for you!

♡  Dwalin is thoroughly impressed by your ability to see so far so perfectly when his own vision is becoming quite the opposite.  It gets harder for him to see long distance every decade that passes.

♡  After months of travelling, adventuring and laughing together you finally started courting.

♡  And it was a month after this that you first experienced hiccups around Dwalin.

♡  Dwalin grew quite concerned and quickly got you water, food, a dog to hug, he gave you his coat, started the fire in your room.  Your hiccups lasted quite a while but after some water and food they died down.

♡  A gentle conversation about how much you appreciated him ensued.  BUT you also explained how all of that wasn’t quite necessary as hiccups go away on their own.

♡  You could explain how hiccups occur to this man as many times as you want and he will forget every time.  But he does remember that they’re uncomfortable, uncontrollable and involuntary.

♡  So he makes sure every is very respectful whenever you have the hiccups and no one dares to even flinch or cough until you’re both a safe distance away or the hiccups stop.

♡  Very protective man, but very fun to tease.

Bofur: (Romantic):

♡  You and Bofur make toys and trinkets together (he taught you) and this is how you spent a lot of your time.

♡  Out on a date?  Gathering materials for your creations.

♡  Spending time together just relaxing?  The room is decorated with your trinkets and jewelry.

♡  Sometimes he’d create the items and you’d paint or tweak them, making sure that there were no missed spots or details.

♡  One day, whilst painting you began hiccuping and had to take breaks between painting the trinkets so you wouldn’t ruin it.

♡  Bofur grew concerned after a minute.

♡  At first he was certain it was just a strange cough, but it kept going.

♡  He checked on you multiple times and you reassured him you were fine until he finally gave up and stood up.

♡  He offered to take you to Oin and when you said ‘no’ he offered a walk in some fresh air.

♡  You needed a break and said ‘sure’ and decided to explain the hiccups during your walk because he kept questioning you all about them.

♡  He was surprised to hear it was normal and common for you.

♡  He’d never encountered such a mysterious little squeak in his entire life.

♡  Bofur made you some tea after the walk and picked you some flowers for your room.

♡  You put them in a vase and sat them on your bedside table.

♡  He continued to offer aromas and scented things in case they helped, but you didn’t mind because the smell of lavender was actually very relaxing.

♡  Whilst you and him had time apart he came back looking a little more excited each day and soon you found out why.

♡  He was making you a toy that makes a little ‘ding’, or bell sound, when you press a button on it’s back.

♡  “It’s like your hiccups”  He explains with a cute smile.

♡  Please marry this man.

♡  You gave him a big hug for the cute little invention and it sits right beside your bed all the time.

Balin: (Platonic):

♡  Balin had seen many things in his time in Middle Earth.  From Erebor before Smaug and after they took back the mountain and Thorin reigned king.

♡  Balin taught you a lot of things, especially about Dwarven culture when you took a liking to Thorin.

♡  He could see the relationship blossoming between you two and always looked out for you and helped teach you anything you wanted to know about.

♡  He was wise, gave great advice.

♡  So you can imagine the fear and worry he feels when he encounters something he’s unfamiliar with that appears severe.

♡  Like your hiccups.

♡  He first saw these when Fili and Kili startled you awake as a prank and you were all laughing.

♡  Until you started hiccuping and the laughter quietened.

♡  You reassured them everything was okay but the poor brothers thought you were experiencing a heart attack and desperately tried to help you.

♡  You were pushing them off until Thorin and Balin shooed them away.

♡  Balin gave you some pats on the back and a “you alright, lasso?”

♡  Even when you nodded he didn’t believe you and helped you stand up and pack up your gear.

♡  He decided to give you some room to breathe and once they died down he checked in on you again.

♡  After a thorough explanation he still didn’t quite understand but he nodded anyway.

♡  “It is what it is, no use dwelling on something we can’t change.  I’m glad you’re alright.”

♡  He gave you another pat on the back and off you were back on the road with the group and some apologies from Fili and Kili.

 Bifur: (Platonic):

♡  You can’t tell this man anything.

♡  He struggles to communicate because you don’t know his Dwarvish sign language and he doesn’t know your English sign language.

♡  You can speak, but you’re mostly mute and non-verbal.  But you make an excellent fighter and cook so the company loves you.

♡  They met you when they picked up Bilbo actually and during the journey were quite surprised when anti-social “i only like my family” Bifur hung around you.

♡  He started acting like a protective uncle despite the communication barrier and always brought you food when you were busy setting up camp or gathering firewood.

♡  The company watched intriguingly as you and Bifur slowly learned each other’s sign language through constant, but slow, communication.

♡  When he talked it was only Dwarvish and when you talked it was only ever very quietly.

♡  You sort of bonded over this and fought together, like watching each other’s backs.

♡  He made sure you got extra food, showed you how to sharpen your weapons and polish your armour.

♡  Made sure the group didn’t give you trouble by making sure it was clear you were family to him.

♡  So when you squeaked and ‘flinched’ during a sign language discussion he flooded you with Dwarvish questions both out loud and in sign language.

♡  He was high-tailing it to Oin and Bofur whilst carrying you on his back like a log of wood.

♡  He was also shouting a string of Dwarvish insults at anyone in his way which happened to be poor Nori and Kili trying to set up camp.

♡  You took the medicines Oin made you and appreciated Bofur’s comfort, but needless to say, communicating the hiccups and what they were took all night.

♡  That’s not exaggerated this man is stubborn, needs a translator, Bofur needs time to process what the fuck you’re saying to then translate it.

♡  Everyone else is asking so many questions.

♡  By the end of the night you got halfway through the explanation.

♡  The next day was spent traveling and explaining the rest.

♡  Yup, the entire day.

♡  And then you had to re-explain during the night.

♡  The stubbornness of Dwarves to receive new information was going to be the death of you but you got through it.

♡  Not a fun experience, 2/10, but just because Fili and Kili laughed for two hours making jokes about your world’s strangeness and Bofur sung songs about fish.

♡  Bifur was super understanding by the end of this three day, yes three day, adventure though.

♡  He gave you several hugs and pats on the back which is high praise from this man.

Ori: (Platonic):

♡  PLease, the first time you began to hiccup around him he was so startled he messed up his drawing of a flower and you felt so bad.

♡   It was a constant back and forth of “I’m sorry!” and “do you want help?” and both of you were saying those to each other.

♡  He was worried, but he felt bad that his concern might be overwhelming you and you felt bad you messed up his drawing and were offering to help him fix it.

♡  It was great.

♡  You were both crying by the end of the moment and you still had hiccups.

♡  Ori took you to Dori because he had no clue how to help you and you were still crying with him so you couldn’t explain it.

♡  Dori was startled from his work by two crying - practically children - young adults covered in dirt.

♡  He had to give you both cookies and milk until you calmed down.

♡  Once you explained the situation and your hiccups, Dori left you both with some big brotherly advice and a slice of cheese each before leaving you two alone again.

♡  You and Ori enjoyed your cheese and you helped him fix up his drawing.

♡  From then on Ori was more aware of your hiccups and didn’t mind when they happened.

♡  He mostly ignored them unless they went on for like five minutes straight, then he’d look at you pretty concerned.

♡  He decided to write poems about the hiccups and draw cute little mini-yous hiccuping in his books.

♡  Come on now, you found this absolutely adorable, I mean who wouldn’t want to read Dwarvish poems about how hiccups startle and frighten the hearts of young men in the midst of fierce battles.

Dori: (Platonic):

♡  Dori is like the eldest of his brothers, Nori and Ori.

♡  So when you meet and join the Company on their quest for Erebor, he starts treating you like his younger sibling.

♡  Although he’s super protective, caring and considerate, he also gives you a glass of wine whenever he can if you’re feeling even slightly under the weather.

♡  “Wine and cheese cure anything” he reassures you.

♡  Ori and Nori nod their heads in agreement and even admit during your travels that every time they were sick Dori would, in fact, give them a slice of cheese.

♡  So when you first hiccuped around the company, Dori immediately snuck you a piece of cheese.

♡  You thanked him and gave him a sort of ‘sliced cheese in hand’ salute.

♡  He nodded.

♡  The cheese did not help.

♡  You were still hiccuping.

♡  But rest assured!  He was a fast learner!

♡  He had more cheese <3

♡  You didn’t know where he finds his cheese until you see Nori going out of his way to steal the cheese and then give it to Dori like a cheese-dealer.

♡  At the end of the day you just explained what they were and why they were happening.

♡  He was relieved it wasn’t an illness you were hiding from them or anything.  He reassured you that if you did have an illness you could tell them.

♡  Again you thanked him and he gave you a glass of wine.

♡  So, as softly as you could you told him the cheese didn’t really help, although you really appreciated it.

♡  “Nonsense!  Cheese always helps.  Especially sharp cheese.”

♡  “Ohh, sharp cheese, you can never go wrong there (Y/N).”  Bofur agreed with a chuckle, sitting across from you both.

♡  Look, let’s cut to the chase, you were there all night explaining hiccups until you finally made progress with Dori.

♡  The next time you experienced hiccups he didn’t give you cheese.

♡  He gave you wine.  :)

Nori: (Romantic):

♡  You and Nori often commit minor cases of thievery together like any normal average couple would.

♡  That was until you began to make silly squeaking sounds that gave away your location and you two had to book it out of there.

♡  You ran for miles and by the time you were both safe, you both collapsed in exhaustion.

♡  He let it go for the night in case you were sick, but mostly because he was tired.

♡  The next day he questioned you at like, the crack of dawn with a candle hovering over you head.

♡  The candle was newly stolen.

♡  “This could have been us stealing it together, but you had to almost die.”  He sighed dramatically.

♡  You calmly, but tiredly explain your hiccups.

♡  You couldn’t get him past the ‘evolved from a fish’ part because he was laughing hysterically.

♡  “Imagine entering Aule and greeting your first ancestor!!”  Nori cackled.

♡  “My dear, please.”  You begged.

♡  “BLUB BLUB BLUB BLOB PFFFTTT”

♡  It took a lifetime and a half but once he understood it, he let it go.

♡  Before you went thieving together though he would always ask if you were feeling “fishy” just in case you could tell when you’d have the hiccups.

♡  You remained patient through his comments but salted his water the next day claiming it to be an ‘ancient fish tradition of showing love’.

Oin: (Platonic):

♡  He thought you were sick when you first had hiccups.

♡  You were his medicinal apprentice and he was teaching you everything he knew so you could protect and help the Company when he wasn’t around.

♡  So when you had the hiccups on a cold winter night just before bed he immediately jumped to making a little sleeping aid, a cough calmer, a throat soother and a hot cup of tea to warm your chill.

♡  You were so grateful for your master (apprentice’s boss) but you felt bad he was doing all this for nothing.

♡  Well not entirely, the sleep aid actually really helped as well as the throat soother.

♡  So at the end of the long discussion you were sleepy and warm so you didn’t really mind anymore.

♡  From then on every time you started to have bad hiccups he’d give you a throat soothing mixture and if they were particularly violent he’d make you a cough calmer anyway.

♡  Very caring, but pretty hard to explain anything to because of his slight deafness.

♡  You could tell this man 100 times over that you didn’t need rest or medicine but he still would need you to tell him again.

♡  At least you get a nice cup of tea at the end of the day though,

♡  He makes the best teas.

Bombur: (Romantic):

♡  Poor sweetheart.

♡  He thought it was his food the first time you started hiccuping.

♡  This was because it happened as you were halfway through a nice lunch he cooked and oh boy did he panic.

♡  Bombur thought you were allergic or something, he’s heard cases of people being unable to eat certain foods.

♡  He felt so bad no matter how many times you said it wasn’t the food.

♡  “I am not a fish” you reminded your brain and the hiccups stopped.

♡  “It was the fish?  Was it the river bass or the salmon?”  He asked.

♡  “No, no it wasn’t the fish at all!”  You reassured him.

♡  “It was the salmon wasn’t it?”

♡  “Bombur, no-”

♡  He actually cares about you so much.

♡  Every time you experience hiccups, even if it’s not during a meal, he’ll give you more water and food.

♡  If you hiccup during the day’s journey he’ll sneak you like two extra spoons of food and a cute smile.

♡  If your hiccups seemed particularly violent or long he’ll share some of his own bowls of food.

♡  Let’s you choose most of the meals and spices just in case the food is the problem, because you’ll know what food to avoid.

Gloin: (Platonic):

♡  He’s literally married.

♡  He knows everything a dwarf needs to know about women and the many problems they can suffer with.

♡  But he didn’t know that was a fucking thing??

♡  You were practically his child, he always made sure you were safe and healthy and got a good share of food before anyone else.

♡  Dwarf dad™.

♡  The panic he experienced when you started making strange squeaking sounds and flinching.

♡  He thought you were in danger until he got closer.

♡  Then he thought you were dying.

♡  “Oh no, my wife’s gonna kill me if I let you die, child.”

♡  “I’m an adult?”

♡  “Oh sweet child” He cried and hugged you tightly.

♡  Once you explained to him you weren’t dying and it was just an occasional thing that happens he calmed down but still needed a very long explanation.

♡  After you explain hiccups at least five times he continues to ask if you need medicine.

♡  Regardless of your answer you are given medicine. :)

♡  He pretends not to mind if you don’t take it, but you catch him glancing at you throughout the day or during mealtimes until you take it and he finally calms down.

♡  Overall, he gets used to it pretty quickly.

♡  But every time you get hiccups he will be giving you more medicine.

♡  You’re pretty sure the medicine is a pain killer.

♡  You’re grateful for his concern anyway.

[cursedonyx]

HL Characters Try to Cure Your Hiccups

You’ve come down with that most terrible of all afflictions – hiccups. Your friends try their favourite methods to cure you.

Sebastian Sallow

After laughing at you for a good five minutes, Sebastian immediately goes for the old tried and true method of trying to scare the pants off you. He’ll leap out at you from behind corners, having transfigured his face into something horribly ugly, throw spiders at you (and probably freak out himself if they crawl on him too much) or even pretend to push you off a cliff or wall, only to grab you at the last moment. Once he’s nearly made you pee yourself, he’ll check to see if you’re alright and if you’re still hiccupping. He makes it work, eventually.

Ominis Gaunt

Ominis’ methods are significantly more gentle than his best friends’. He’ll suggest drinking water upside down or taking several sips while holding your breath. If that doesn’t work, he might try patting you on the back between the shoulder blades, or have you recite from a textbook standing on one leg. He knows how uncomfortable hiccups are, but it won’t stop him giggling about it each time you let one fly as he tries to help. Maybe it’s his calm presence, but your hiccups do go away.

Garreth Weasley

Garreth’s delighted. You’re the perfect candidate to test his new hiccupping cure on! If you’re brave (or daft) enough to give his experimental remedy a try, chances are it will cure your hiccups, but there might be some unforeseen side effects to handle as well. Best plan your route to the Hospital Wing ahead of time.

Poppy Sweeting

Poppy’s more than happy to help you with your hiccups. She’ll try absolutely everything, from scaring you to making you stand on your head, even taking you on a daredevil flight on one of her hippogriff friends to see if the thrill will help cure you. Failing this, she might bury you in a poffle of puffskeins to see if cuddle snuggles help. Honestly, this probably will, as you might get an unexpected tongue up your nose which will give you enough of a surprise to stop your hiccups completely.

Leander Prewett

Leander suggests a variety of plant remedies, such as dittany leaves to chew or inhaling charred iris and garlic. Failing that, he’ll try and make you laugh by telling frankly awful jokes and acting the fool. Unfortunately, this tomfoolery attracts Peeves, who wants to ‘help’ cure your hiccups as well. You have to run for it.

Natsai Onai

Natsai has a variety of remedies from Matabeleland for you to try, some of which smell absolutely amazing. If these don’t work, she’ll stand behind you and give you a fairly gentle variant of a Heimlich, hoping to reset your spasming diaphragm. It all makes you a bit dizzy, but it works.

Amit Thakkar

Amit advises you to ignore your hiccups, as they’ll go away eventually. When you protest that you want them gone now, he agrees to try and give you a fright, but ends up making you laugh so much your hiccups stop anyway. You both chalk this up as a win.

Imelda Reyes

After Imelda has finished laughing at you, which takes an annoyingly long time (and you get the feeling she’s laughing extra long on purpose) Imelda agrees to help, having you sit passenger on her broom while she does a series of rolls, loop-the-loops and stomach-churning spins that make you want to throw up. Once you’re back on the ground, your hiccups have vanished, and so has your appetite.

Masterlist