#Heathers The Musical Review

[ajearthlinggg]

my fav movies as clickbait YouTube titles

Heathers - If you ever see this blue liquid, DON'T DRINK IT!! 😧😧🏑

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World - (STORYTIME) my gf's CRAZY exes! (They tried to KILL me!!) 🎮

Hot Rod - Man tries CRAZY bike trick (GONE RIGHT) finds out his dad's a LIAR!!! 🚲

Poltergeist - TURN OFF YOUR TV IMMEDIATELY IF YOU SEE THIS (GONE WRONG)😧📺

[forgthetheaterkid]

Can you do a mini review for heathers? /not forced

I'm obsessed with it rn and you asked for asks lol :>

I’D LOVE TOO :D (AND IM SO SORRY THAT THIS IS LATE)

Heathers

Rating: 5/5

How familiar I am: I’ve seen the og movie, a bootleg, and I’ve memorized the soundtrack

Characters: I love these characters so much! I really like how the musical gives Veronica way more depth and shows her regret for killing Heather C, Kurt and Ram (they really show this in “Prom or Hell”) ALSO CASTING DIRECTORS WHY DO YOU ALWAYS MAKE HEATHER CHANDLER AND JD HOT???? I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ATTRACTED TO A (pardon my language) MYTHIC BITCH AND A PSYCHOPATH!!

Plot: Aw look! A girl finally gets her wish to be popular! 😊 And she meets a cute, totally mentally stable boy ☺️! I’m sure no murders will happen here 😁

Ok but for real this is such an interesting plot. When I first listened to it, you literally could not tell what was happening next. It’s really entertaining and gives a lot of characters a chance in the spot light.

Songs: Dare I say there’s not a single bad song. Candy Store? Iconic, even though my alto ass can’t hit those notes. My Dead Gay Son? Hilarious and their rainbow ties kill me each time. Meant to be yours? I love acting out being a little bit psycho :) Dead Girl Walking Reprise? I’m not quite sure why this song scratches my brain perfectly but it was my third most played song on Spotify last year. Blue? Even though I prefer “Your Welcome” since I think it handles the topic better, Blue is still unsettling under its upbeat demeanor. (just like All You Wanna Do) I could literally do a mini review on each of these songs if somebody wanted (actually that might not be a bad idea because I’ve lost a wee bit of motivation to do big reviews everyday as you could tell) These songs are great and the only one I’m not the biggest fan of is “Kindergarten Boyfriend” but I’m not taking off points because I can kinda sing it :3

Final thoughts: This is such a good musical with great characters, (AND great character development), iconic costumes, fantastic songs, and an all around fun (and kinda murdery) time!

ALSO FUN FACT WHEN JD SAYS “You’ll go to some college and marry a Lawyer” THATS A REFERENCE TO LEGALLY BLONDE BECAUSE ONE OF THE PRODUCERS (or maybe writers idk) ALSO WORKED ON THE LEGALLY BLONDE MUSICAL

[callunavulgari]

"Are you feeling nervous? Are you having fun? It's almost over It's just begun"

Heather’s Top 50 Songs of 2024

dear arkansas daughter — lady lamb // goodbye — bo burnham // you will be okay — sam haft // murder on the dancefloor — sophie ellis-bextor // nothing you can take from me — rachel zegler // bad idea right? — olivia rodrigo // red flag — billy talent // sign of the times — harry styles // all american bitch — olivia rodrigo // troubadour — perceval // hayloft || — mother mother // poison — blake roman, sam haft // hell's greatest dad — andrew underberg // what a life — scarlet pleasure // shadow — livingston // end of beginning — djo // gloom — djo // revolution — bishop briggs // thank you and goodnight — black gryph0n // never be lonely — cascada, jax jones // too sweet — hozier // ...well, better than the alternative — will wood // another day of sun— la la land // good luck, babe! — chappell roan // astoria — marianas trench // can can (hardstyle mix) — da tweekaz // lunch — billie eilish // smalltown boy — bronski beat // i drove all night — celine dion // pink pony club — chappell roan // joyride — kesha // like a prayer (choir version) — deadpool & wolverine soundtrack // please please please (epic cover) — morgan clae // the ballad of the witches' road — kathryn hahn // abasement tapes — johnny dynamite & the bloodsuckers // dying days — graveyard club //  the lighthouse — stevie nicks // disease — lady gaga // wolf in sheep's clothing — set it off // heavy is the crown  — mike shinoda, emily armstrong // unsweetened lemonade — amelie farren // labour (the cacophony) — paris paloma // no one mourns the wicked — wicked cast // isha's song — eason chan // ma meilleure ennemie  — stromae, pomme // abstract (psychopomp) — hozier // roll the credits — danielle ponder // down by the river — borislav slavov // the line — twenty one pilots // all eyes on me — bo burnham

short version | long version | spotify wrapped

short version is the link to what you see here, my helpfully abridged version. long version will lead you to the 153 song, 9 hour and 7 minute supercut playlist which i’ve been slowly cultivating since early january. spotify wrapped will lead you to a mixture of the long and the short version, which is honestly pretty accurate but does not helpfully represent my ear worms of the week.

under the cut are the lyrics that really resonated with me, some glimpses of my life and what these meant to me, and uh, at least a moderate amount of anger and doom and gloom.

i. dear arkansas daughter || lady lamb i kneel down in the sea to the ocean floor, i will sink like a steel chest full of weapons and on the spine of the tide you will rise like a red ripe, red ripe apple

This was one of the earliest earworms from early January, so I don't particularly remember where I first heard it. It may have been Tiktok? I vaguely remember something about an up and coming album and it MAY have been this one. Either way, catchy and lovely. ii. goodbye || bo burnham am i going crazy? would i even know? am i right back where i started fourteen years ago?

Oh, okay, so I guess we're talking about this now. I expected to get further than the second song on this playlist before I talked about crippling depression and dread, but hey, there it is. It's very hard, as an american in december of 2024, to remember that there was a time before november. that in fact, most of the year was actually good. things happened to me this year. we bought a house. a HOUSE! our very good friend got married! two of our friends are expecting! february (which is when this song really seeped into me) and march were both very bad months for me, but then i coasted through spring and summer on a wave of hope, of joy.

but those lyrics - am i right back where i started fourteen years ago - feels very relevant to me right now. cycle after cycle of pain and fear. being tired of fighting. of constantly being sad and angry and so very scared. it seems so small, being on the cusp of 2025, and being scared for OUR future when so many others have it worse. this year was a constant spin cycle of hurt and pain and fear and joy and hope and back round again. ukraine still dealing with russia. palestine. election season ups and downs. brat summer, as they say, when for a moment, just a moment, we all had hope. i'm tired. i feel like we're going backwards. and i feel like i'm going crazy. but honestly? would i even know?

iii. you will be okay || sam haft and when creation goes to die you can find me in the sky upon the last day and you will be okay

Funny thing. I actually discovered this song back in February (during the aforementioned dark days) before Hazbin Hotel put Helluva Boss on my radar. I needed an anxiety playlist and this was on one of the ones I was listening to and it just resonated. iv. murder on the dancefloor || sophie ellis-bextor it's murder on the dancefloor but you better not kill the groove, DJ gonna burn this goddamn house right down Saltburn was uh, a thing. I watched it. It was something. However, this effing song was so insanely catchy that it has dogged me through the whole year. And yes, it is incredibly fun to dance around the house to, though I did NOT try to do it naked.

v. nothing you can take from me || rachel zegler, the covey band you can't take my past you can't take my history I still have not watched The Ballad of Snakes and Songbirds. BUT I have listened to this song A LOT. vi. bad idea right? || olivia rodrigo seein' you tonight, it's a bad idea, right? seein' you tonight, it's a bad idea, right? seein' you tonight, fuck it, it's fine

Her music is so effing catchy. SO catchy. vii. red flag || billy talent cast off the crutch that kills the pain the red flag wavin' never meant the same the kids of tomorrow don't need today when they live in the sins of yesterday

I THINK that this song was on a fic playlist for the mindblowing Westworld Steddie AU that I read earlier in the year. viii. sign of the times || harry styles just stop your crying have the time of your life breaking through the atmosphere and things are pretty good from here I was never a one direction fan, but this song made it's rounds on tiktok and I just. I don't know. There was one silly little thing that I did on tiktok to this song a week out from marrying Nick last year and it's just stuck with me ever since. ix. all-american bitch || olivia rodrigo i'm a perfect all-American bitch with perfect all-American lips and perfect all-American hips i know my place, i know my place, and this is it

You know the part of this song where she's just fucking screaming and then puts on the pretty little smile and the pretty little sing-songy voice? That is what the last few months has felt like. x. troubadour || perceval *instrumental*

Another one that made it's rounds on tiktok and caught me by the throat.

xi. hayloft ii || mother mother an eye for an eye, a leg for a leg a shot in the heart doesn't make it unbreak

It's Mother Mother? Do I need to have any other reason? xii. poison || blake roman, sam haft, andrew underberg poison, i'm drownin' in poison i'm fillin' up my glass but it's always hollow full of poison, i'm sick of the poison wish i had something to live for tomorrow…

If this list was HONEST it would probably just be this entire soundtrack on loop fifty times, because guys, Hazbin Hotel GOT me this year. It got me bad. I made myself pick two songs from the soundtrack and I'm still not confident that I picked the right ones.

xiii. hell's greatest dad || hazbin hotel cast i'm truly honored that we've built such a bond (aw) you're like the child that I wish that I had (uh, what?) i care for you, just like a daughter i spawned (hold on now!) it's a little funny, you could almost call me daaaaad The second song from Hazbin Hotel, chosen because, well. It's my two favorite characters. xiv. what a life || scarlet pleasure what a life, what a night what a beautiful, beautiful ride don't know where I'm in five but I'm young and alive fuck what they are saying, what a life

This song is from the soundtrack of a movie starring Mads Mikkelson. I have NOT watched it, but the song itself came onto my radar during the spring/summer era where I was actually happy and made me feel things. xv. shadow || livingston don't you let them take control don't you let them break your soul it's not the devil at your door it's just your shadow on the floor

Still think it's tragic that this song wasn't on the Arcane season two sountrack. Very Arcane-coded. xvi. end of beginning || djo and when i'm back in Chicago, i feel it another version of me, i was in it i wave goodbye to the end of beginning One, this song would have had me the moment it made it to tiktok REGARDLESS of who djo is. Two though, is it completely shocking that the year that I am absolutely obsessed with Stranger Things this becomes one of my favorites? No? This song is so fucking sad, but it's synthy little bits just make me so happy.

xvii. gloom || djo so goodbye farewell go fuck your mother go fuck yourself

Actual favorite djo song.

xviii. revolution || bishop briggs welcome to my revolution got the storm clouds coming you won't see me running

Hmm.

xix. thank you and goodnight || black gryph0n but it's not goodbye forever 'cause we're all down here together and we hope we get to see you when you die

The fact that the original pilot cast made this ACTUALLY stings a little. But god, it's such a banger. Thank you and goodnight indeed.

xx. never be lonely || cascada, jax jones who'd have thought we'd make it? look at where we are is this what dreams are made of? Cascada, in 2024? It's more likely than you think.

xxi. too sweet || hozier i think i'll take my whiskey neat my coffee black and my bed at three you're too sweet for me So, I SAW Hozier this year. One of his stops on the Unreal Unearth tour was Ohio so I bought some GOOD seats because after Florence and MCR, he is my last bucket list artist, and my GOD. He is absolutely lovely, for one. He sung happy birthday to one of his crew members. He thanks you every other song. His hair is full of secrets. He sang every song I wanted him to and more. An entire stadium singing Take Me to Church was fucking magical. I have never come closer to going deaf than I did that night, purely from the shrieking fans. And when he told everyone that THIS song, which is on his Unheard album, which we ALMOST DIDN'T GET AT ALL, was his first Top 100. There were AUDIBLE gasps. AUDIBLE.

xxii. ...well, better than the alternative || will wood baby, could you play along with me baby, would that be alright with you and when we find out what's wrong with me could you tell me how I'm right for you

THIS was on a Gerard Keay playlist. I love the whole playlist, but this was my favorite. xxiii. another day of sun || la la land 'cause maybe in that sleepy town he'll sit one day, the lights are down he'll see my face and think of how he used to know me

God, listening to some of these songs and remembering when I had actual joy is really hard.

xxiv. good luck, babe! || chappell roan when you wake up next to him in the middle of the night with your head in your hands, you're nothing more than his wife and when you think about me, all of those years ago you're standing face to face with "i told you so" you know i hate to say, "i told you so" you know i hate to say, but, i told you so

I was GENUINELY upset that this song was number 6 on my spotify wrapped, because other than Hazbin, Chappell Roan defined my music tastes this year. And THIS PART, THIS PART, goes so FUCKING HARD. xxv. astoria || marianas trench oh yeah, i'll say whatever doesn't make me stronger kills me but it's gonna be a long year

Another band we were supposed to see this year, we were going to make the drive up to Cleveland in October (I think? it may have been August) but we ended up getting sick right before the concert and had to miss it. I was really sad about it. This song was amazing though! xxvi. can can (hardstyle mix) || da tweekas, high level*instrumental* I challenge you NOT to feel things when this is playing loudly. xxvii. lunch || billie eilish i could eat that girl for lunch yeah, she dances on my tongue tastes like she might be the one

I did not have Billie Eilish singing a song about cunnilingus on my bingo card for this year, but girl, this was a fuckin banger.

xxviii. smalltown boy || bronski beat run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away I just like the vibes. xxix. i drove all night || celine dion i taste your sweet kisses, your arms open wide this fever for you is just burning me up inside

Hearing this felt very similar to the feeling that I felt when I found out that Cher did an entire Abba album. I just missed her voice. xxx. pink pony girl || chappell roan I thank my wicked dreams a year from Tennessee Oh, Santa Monica, you've been too good to me Won't make my mama proud, it's gonna cause a scene She sees her baby girl, I know she's gonna scream

Look I can match her pitch perfectly in this song, so singing it in the car was an absolutely delight this year. xxxi. joyride || kesha Oh, you say you love me? (That's funny) Well, so do I

Kesha! KESHA! In 2024! I am so happy for her. xxxii. like a prayer (choir version) — i'll take you there choir Life is a mystery Everyone must stand alone I hear you call my name And it feels like home I was obsessed with this song LONG before I actually watched the Deadpool & Wolverine movie. I love choral covers in general, but oh my god, there were SO MANY good edits to this! SO MANY. Also, I'm sorry, but the fact that christians are singing this in megachurches right now have me rolling. xxxiii. please please please (epic cover) || morgan clae Please, please, please don't prove I'm right And please, please, please Don't bring me to tears when I just did my makeup so nice I'm sorry, but I am OBSESSED with this cover. It's better than the original, I'm sorry Sabrina, I just really like big broadway numbers and this scratches the itch.

xxxiv. the ballad of the witches' road || agatha all along cast Marching ever forward 'Neath the wooded shrine I stray not from the path I hold death's hand in mine

Agatha All Along. It was a thing. I fell head over heels for every version of this song. Hearing Patti Lupone again was a delight and while I love every single character and every episode (well, most), HER episode was a goddamn fucking masterpiece. Sorry, but the two last episodes after that were a bit of a letdown considering. xxxv. abasement tapes || johnny dynamite and the bloodsuckers We don't gotta cry no more We don't gotta care at all We never gotta wake up

Nothing deep about this one, I just love it. xxxvi. dying days || graveyard club The moments go quick The hours are fading to dying days The thought makes me sick— The feeling I’ve wasted this life away

This came on a random playlist when I was driving somewhere and I IMMEDIATELY loved the dreamy vibes. That synth! xxxvii. the lighthouse || stevie nicks I wanna teach 'em to fight I wanna tell 'em This has happened before Don't let it happen again The fact that STEVIE NICKS wrote a song about this election, about the fact that our rights are getting taken away and how we need to stand up and fight, and so many people still didn't fucking vote just kills me. I'm tired. I'm SO fucking tired. The next few years are going to be so fucking horrible. I guess my only consolation is the fact that his base are starting to realize they fucked up. Too little too fucking late. xxxviii. disease || lady gaga There are no more tears to cry I heard you beggin' for life (go) Runnin' out of medicine (go) You're worse than you've ever been (go)

At least we got this banger out of it.

xxxix. wolf in sheep's clothing [REBORN] || set it off Who am I kidding? Now, let's not get overzealous here You've always been a huge piece of shit If I could kill you, I would, but it's frowned upon in all 50 states Having said that, burn in Hell! The anger in this song REALLY resonated. xl. heavy is the crown || mike shinoda, emily armstrong This is what you asked for, heavy is the crown Fire in the sunrise, ashes rainin' down

Arcane was a thing. Arcane and Dragon Age are basically the only things that have kept me a fully-formed human for the last few months.

xli. unsweetened lemonade — amelie farren I fucked the reaper cause I knew My time was coming can't you see I was either gonna die At 12 or 90-fucking-3 It's just a fucking banger, okay. xlii. labour- the cacophony || paris paloma Who tends the orchards? Who fixes up the gables? Emotional torture from the head of your high table Who fetches the water from the rocky mountain spring? And walk back down again to feel your words and their sharp sting And I'm getting fucking tired

There's that fucking anger again.

xliii. no one mourns the wicked || wicked movie cast Goodness knows The wicked die alone She died alone

Even if I'd despised the movie (I didn't - I loved it), watching it would have been fucking worth it for the look in her eye, the sound of her voice, when she sang this part. xliv. 這樣很好 (Isha’s Song) || eason chan 吹散乌云 用一抹蓝色 那就算 世界满是荒芜 我们抬头就能 看见月亮

I am NOT going to say words about this because I honestly just cannot. I CANNOT. I am literally crying just listening to this again. xlv. ma meilleure ennemie || stronae, pomme Tu sais c'qu'on dit "Soit près d'tes amis les plus chers" Mais aussi "Encore plus près d'tes adversaires" I was fairly ambivalent about this one when i first heard it. There were A LOT of good songs on the Arcane s2 soundtrack (though imo, season one sountrack was still better). Anyway, this grew on me. xlvi. abstract (psychopomp) || hozier All my love and terror Balanced there between those eyes See how it shines

Again, saw Hozier this year. I expected to cry the whole concert, because that's what I do when I'm overwhelmed by music. I did tear up a bit here and there during my favorites, particularly the older songs. But THIS SONG. I'd never heard this song. I put my phone down. Camera away. I listened. This song is about a moment in his life where they experienced an animal getting hit by a car. It's literally a song about roadkill. But it's also so much more, because GOD, how it shines. Listen to this song, please. xlvii. roll the credits || danielle ponder Hold my head and saw the whole sky I never felt so damn alive And if there's smoke, then I'll be water If there's fire, I'll be rain

This is the song that plays during the end credits of Dragon Age Veilguard. Much like other Dragon Age credit songs, it feels almost dizzyingly not appropriate in context. But it's beautiful. And I was crying. Fuck this game.

xlviii. down by the river || borislav slavov Take my hand and hold it tight 'Cause you and I are everywhere The night is young We're goin' down, down, down by the river (by the river, by the river)

I still have not beaten this fucking game. It HAUNTS me. xlix. the line || twenty one pilots Please don't let them see me Sure there's nothing left to try I can feel the light shine on my face Did I disappoint you?

Do me a favor. Don't listen to the version of this on my playlist. Listen to this live version from the game awards (minding the fact that there are Arcane spoilers playing on the screen behind the stage). Listen to his fucking voice when he screams this part. Listen to the pain. And then go look at the MANY tiktok edits of this part of the song to Arcane snippets. I'll wait. l. all eyes on me || bo burnham You say the ocean's rising like I give a shit You say the whole world's ending, honey, it already did You're not gonna slow it, Heaven knows you tried Got it? Good, now get inside

Mic drop to this year. Let's see if I survive the next one.

[vraska-theunseen]

im going crazy i could've sworn heathers was on broadway but no it was just off broadway. i think i thought this show was more popular than it was. i love reading reviews that r like "the music is so blah" and im like damn i liked it 😦

[how-many-random-fandoms]

Heathers West End Thoughts

I saw heathers last night on the west end. This was my second time seeing heathers I saw it on tour and then I saw it there. I wanted to experience it on the other palace stage as I heard it s a great experience. It was a great experience. We were in row C and we had an amazing view you could see everything and the cast was right in front of you, even though I think most/ any seat in the other palace would give you a good view as it’s quite a small theatre.

The singing was great. It was different from the on tour cast but it was still good in its own way. Everyone that performs a song is going to sing it slightly differently and there were a couple bits it was like “wow note change” but it didn’t sound bad just different.

I app soluté l’y love thé story and would go again and again. I hope it comes back decently quick after it stops next month.

[holley4734]

Heather Woods Broderick: Sleep Deprived Music Review

@_H_W_B_ @westernvinyl @chromaticpr @musicblogrt @artistrtweeters @_teamblogger #music #musicblog #museboost #bloggerstribe @blazedrts @itheretweeter1 #newmusic #newmusicalert @theretweetermag

[yououghtaknow]

being glared at at the theatre for laughing too loud, they hate my whimsical joy

[wowdigitalrats]

•͙👽•͙ l||l •͙👾•͙ l||l •͙🛸•͙ l||l •͙👾•͙ l||l •͙👽•͙ 

THE VAULT (MASTERLIST)

╭-—○— ☆ —○—-╮

name: Robin!!

pronouns: any! (im genderfluid, pronouns are tricky)

intrests: comics, dc, marvel, theatre (bmc, heathers, falsettos, lsoh AVENUE Q MY BELOVED) , movies, cartoons, liminal spaces, vhs horror, cryptids, cowboys, urban legends, video games, keanu reeves, PUPPETS!

tags used: #robinthoughts☆ (for random thoughts and sudden analyzing) #robinbrainrot☆ (comic panels that i like) #robinvent☆ (self-explanatory, hopefully i won't have to use it that many times)

here to try organise my thoughts and intrests, basically my vault of rambles!! im open to dms if you want

see you around 🫁

╰-—○— ☆ —○—-╯

•͙👽•͙ l||l •͙👾•͙ l||l •͙🛸•͙ l||l •͙👾•͙ l||l •͙👽•͙ 

Thanks to @silly-mantis-creations for inspo!!

[imathers]

5 EPs: Death of Heather — Forever

So we were talking about shoegaze (my beloved) on the Singles Jukebox discord, and someone mentioned that once again Bangkok had some of the best current examples of the form, and recommended this EP specifically. It's pretty lengthy for the format; six songs plus two remixes of said songs, tipping the scales at around 35 minutes. In a lot of contexts I'd just call it an album! But I defer to the band about their own work.

I did instantly like Death of Heather; this EP is not doing anything particularly innovative with the form, but that's not particularly a criticism, especially when they hit the existing high points of the genre so dead on. Highly recommended to any fellow travelers out there.

[thrashntreasure]

Ep61 Lizzie and the Amazing Technibearded Dreamboat w/ Alfie Parker & Lizzie Bea! (West End!)

Hair hoppers, ahoy! We're joined by not one but TWO West End Divas today- Alfie Parker AND Lizzie Bea! Say WHAT?! This week, London's latest leading lady drags her beau with her through the torture chamber as we dish up a mega mix of topics such as Alice in Chains' album 'Dirt', the musical 'Heathers', disability access in theatres, the BLM movement, and more! Plus, find out what special surprise AW has- and did he give 'The Who's TOMMY' a standing ovation?

If you're in the UK, be sure to check out Lizzie in Heathers at The Other Palace- and then Sister Act on tour! www.twitter.com/lizziebea3 -- www.twitter.com/parkeralfie

[concerto-roblox]

how am i just now finding out liana flores deleted all her old covers and vids abt musicals?? this is so sick and twisted i remember loving her channel as a young freshly-gay theatre kid :(

[suzie81blog]

Press Review: Heathers at the Alexandra Theatre

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ A must-see show for 2023! Following two smash hit West End seasons and the Whatsonstage award for Best New Musical, the record-breaking show returns to Birmingham! Welcome to Westberg High, where Veronica Sawyers is just another nobody dreaming of a better day. But when she joins the beautiful and impossibly cruel Heathers and her dreams of popularity may finally come true,…

[cxndiedvi0lets]

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𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐌𝐞. ❀

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤHi, im Violet, and I'm Dead. Boo.

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Hi, Im Violet, and I'm 18+, Please ask for my age in DM. Thank you ! I'm a She/Her, but I'm comfortable with any pronouns. I'm dating @solarmoontoast . I'm also a founder of the band called 'The Nomads' and the lead singer. I am an INFP-T, my house is Slytherin, my cabin is Cabin 5 Ares, and my Zodiac sign is a Gemini. I am also a Semi-Literate Roleplayer, and I'm dead. lol.

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Likes

Shows

American Horror Story, Breaking Bad, Tokyo Ghoul, NANA, Junji Ito, Bungo Stray Dogs, Skins, Euphoria, Chainsaw Man, Bridgerton, Hannibal, 13 Reasons Why, Mandela Catalogue, Happy Meat Farms, Local 58, Marble Hornets, League of Legends: Arcane, What We Do In the Shadows ...

Movies

Scream, It, The Shinning, The School for Good and Evil, Heathers, Mean Girls, Wild Child, Jumanji, Sherlock Holmes, Enolma Holmes, Girl Interrupted, Twilight, Blade Runner 2049, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, All The Bright Places, The Breakfast Club, Thirteen, Harry Potter...

Musicals & Plays

Heathers, Be More Chill, Harry Potter Cursed Child, Beetlejuice,...

Books, Comic Books & Mangas

The Stranger, A Little Life, The Idiot, Inferno, NANA, Junji Ito, Chainsaw Man, Red Hood & The Outlaws, The New Teen Titans, Portraits of Dorian Gray, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Sherlock Holmes

Videogames

Left 4 Dead, Silent Hill, The Last of Us, Fatal Frame, Roblox, God of War, Undertale, Five Nights at Freddy's, Legend of Zelda, Life is Strange, Cyberpunk 2077, Mad Father, Sally Face, Alice in Madness, Franbow, Little Misfortune...

Music Artists

Mirah, Rob Zombie, Feeding People, Arctic Monkeys, Melanie Martinez, Gun N' Roses, Rolling Stones, The Kinks, The Strokes, Hole, Nirvana, Deftones, Panic! At The Disco, The Clash, The Killers, Hole, Radiohead, Chase Atlantic, The Neighbourhood, The Weeknd, Poppy, Mars Argo, Blur, Slowdive, Soundgarden, Ramones, Wisp, Strawberry Switchblade, Maneskin, Muse, Ice Nine Kills, Insane Clown Posse, Sleeping with Sirens, Joy Division, Sonic Youth, The Beatles, Pierce the Veil, Alice in Chains, Bikini Kill, Feeding People, Mother Mother, Paramore, My Chemical Romance, Ayesha Erotica, Ashnikko, Avril Lavigne, Three Days Grace, YUNGBLUD, Lil Peep, Kendrick Lamar, Pixies, Mazzystar, The Cranberries, David Bowie, Peneloppe Scott, Pearl Jam, Vocaloid, Widowspeak, The Smashing Pumpkins, Buzzcocks, Sex Pistols, The Smiths, Morrissey...

Artist

Gabriel Picolo, Michael Angelo, Carravagio, Salvador Dali, René Magritte, John Everette Millais, Federico Ferro ...

Authors

Edgar Allen Poe, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Brothers Grimm, Albert Camus, Franz Kafka, Sigmund Freud, Friedrich Nietzsche, Karl Max, Jane Austin, Virginia Woolf, Osamu Dazai ...

Dislikes

Loud Noises, Assholes, Narcissists, Egotistical People, Crowded Places, Musical Snobs

𝐒𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐌𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐬

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[callunavulgari]

"The kingdom come, the rise, the fall The setting sun above it all I just wanna be somebody to you"

Heather’s Top 50 Songs of 2023

thumbs — sabrina carpenter // dragostea din tei — feuerschwanz // edge of midnight — miley cyrus & stevie nicks // warrior of the mind — jorge rivera-herrans // happier than ever — kelly clarkson // flowers — miley cyrus // see you again — miley cyrus // six — six cast // fairytale — joel sunny // middle of the night — elley duhe // our light — lyn // it's terror time again — sesamoid // eat your young — hozier // step into darkness — dubkiller // got you — ga eun // just a man — jorge rivera-herrans // labour — paris paloma // the tornado — owl city // green green grass — george ezra // suzume — radwimps // can't take my eyes off you — boys town gang // survive — jorge rivera-herrans // mermaids— florence & the machine // unknown/Nth — hozier // we didn't start the fire — fall out boy // hold me like a grudge — fall out boy // where is the justice — death note musical // 30/90 — andrew garfield // everyday — buddy holly // i'm just ken — ryan gosling // what was i made for? — billie eilish // speechless — naomi scott // son of nyx — hozier // damage gets done — hozier & brandi carlile // paradise valley — honey and the sting // stand by me — florence & the machine //  my prayer — the platters // baby don't hurt me — david guetta // quietly yours — birdy // someone to you  — banners // one more time — blink 182 // adelaide — ramblewood // i'm just your problem — lur // you're gonna be okay — ashh blackwood // mr lonely  — angel olsen // now and then — the beatles // vois sur ton chemin — bennett // history is now — natalie holt // purpose is glorious — natalie holt // the power — borislav slavov

short version | long version | spotify wrapped

short version is the link to what you see here, my helpfully abridged version. long version will lead you to the 141 song, 8 hour and 17 minute supercut playlist which i’ve been slowly cultivating since early january. spotify wrapped will lead you to a mixture of the long and the short version, which is honestly pretty accurate but does not helpfully represent my ear worms of the week. i also skewed my data for it by listening to the spiritfarer and hollow knight soundtracks on repeat to ease the wedding anxieties.

also fun fact, the cover for this year's mix is actually a picture of the tree outside our room during our wedding day.

under the cut are the lyrics that really resonated with me and only a little personal tidbits from this year, because let's be real, nobody cares.

i. thumbs || sabrina carpenter 'cause that's just the way of the world it never ends 'til the end and then you start again

This one was playing as we left the florence concert late last year and dogged me all through january and february last winter. ii. dragostea din tei || feuerschwanz Alo, salut, sunt eu un haiduc Si te rog iubirea mea primeste fericirea

Yes, it's a metal cover. Yes, I found it on tiktok. Yes, I love it unconditionally.

iii. edge of midnight || miley cyrus & stevie nicks The midnight sky is the road I'm takin' Head high up in the clouds (oh, oh)

There's THREE Miley Cyrus songs on here this year. Nuts. I really loved cranking this while driving home from Newark back when I was still hybrid. Much serotonin in those gray winter months. iv. warrior of the mind || jorge rivera-herrans & teagan earley Maybe one day they'll follow me and we'll Make a greater tomorrow, then they'll see Is it REALLY a surprise that Epic grabbed me by the throat this year?

v. happier than ever || kelly clarkson You ruined everything good Always said you were misunderstood Made all my moments your own Just fucking leave me alone I actually ended up hearing the Billie Eilish version of this first, but I ended up reading a post about how Billie's version was for the shitty boyfriend's of the world but Kelly's was to her mom and just. That resonated SO so much that it's stuck with me ever since. I have a complicated relationship with mine. She didn't come to my wedding this year. Anyway, definitely screamed this in my car on long drives. vi. flowers || miley cyrus i can buy myself flowers write my name in the sand

I need to preface this with the fact that my partner and I have a wonderful relationship that I wouldn't trade for the world. This song is still a fucking banger. vii. see you again || miley cyrus I got my sights set on you and I'm ready to aim I have a heart that will never be tamed

Third Miley song of the year, I believe all ear worms before March. I ended up getting in a Tiktok loop of body transformations set to this song while I was really getting into working with weights. It was great inspiration that I DEARLY needed that early into things. The song is also incredibly catchy. viii. six || six cast we're one of a kind, no category too many years lost in his story I honestly feel like we saw this musical last year but this song in particular dogged me into this one. ix. fairytale || joel sunny *instrumental*

Found this instrumental version of a much beloved song due to a random discover weekly and loved it so much that I seriously considered using it in my wedding. x. middle of the night || elley duhe Come, lay me down 'Cause you know this 'Cause you know this sound

Shh, it's the horny booktok song. I won't be shamed. xi. our light || lyn 夢を夢と気づいた夜 君を見つめ瞼を閉じる 温もりも重ねた手も声も 目覚めれば微睡みへと消えて

I have been trying to finish persona 5 royal since 2020. this year, i finally beat it. xii. it's terror time again || sesamoid Oh, you just might die of fright, It's a terrifying time.

Yes, it's a Scooby Doo remix. yes, I love it. xiii. eat your young || hozier I'm starving, darling Let me put my lips to something Let me wrap my teeth around the world The horniest Hozier song since Take Me to Church in my humble opinion. I adored it immediately. xiv. step into darkness || dubkiller Blood on your hands, maybe you're dreaming? Do you believe, nightmares you're seeing?

Tiktok? xv. got you || ga eun Will you promise you’ll rescue me Take me from eternal loneliness

This was the theme song (I think?) to a Korean drama we were obsessed with for a little bit and I don't think we ever finished? Song is interesting though and sticks with you. xvi. just a man || jorge rivera-herrans When does a ripple become a tidal wave? When does the reason become the blame? When does a man become a monster? More Epic, because I am a mythology loving twelve year old at heart. The many, MANY tiktoks to this particular song did not help.

xvii. labour || paris paloma The capillaries in my eyes are bursting If our love died, would that be the worst thing?

It's catchy. I had more typed out but tumblr fucking ate it, so fuck it.

xviii. the tornado || owl city A little rain never hurt no one, so I kept pressin' on And I tried to tell myself it's always darkest before the dawn

Another song I played very loudly while driving home.

xix. green green grass || george ezra Green, green grass, blue, blue sky You better throw a party on the day that I die

Dancy song!

xx. suzume || radwimps ル・ル・ルルルルル・ルルル・ルルルルルル ル・ル・ルルルルル・ルルル・ルルルルルル We saw this in theaters! I really loved it! xxi. can't take my eyes off you || boys town gang You're just too good to be true Can't take my eyes off of you The Tiktok dances got me. More serotonin when I really needed it. xxii. survive || jorge rivera-herrans Six hundred lives I'll take Six hundred lives I'll break And when I kill you, then my deed is over

More Epic! xxiii. mermaids || florence & the machine You only get one night upon the shore So dance like you've never danced before

I love Florence. That is all. xxiv. unknown / nth || hozier You know the distance never made a difference to me I swam a lake of fire, I'd have walked across the floor of any sea

Hozier was honestly the artist that kept me the most company this year if I'm not counting Spiritfarer or Hollow Knight. xxv. we didn't start the fire || fall out boy Mars rover, Avatar, self-driving electric cars SSRI's, Prince and The Queen die World trade, second plane, what else do I have to say?

I know it won't happen, but I hope every generation does a remake/remix of this song. Also, I saw Billy Joel himself in concert this year! xxvi. hold me like a grudge || fall out boy Hold me, hold me like a grudge The world is always spinning, and I can't keep up, whoa Honestly, I was a fan. xxvii. where is the justice || death note cast isn't everybody sick to death of all this stuff can't we all stand up and say enough?

This song gets stuck in my head like no one's business. xxviii. 30/90 || tick tick boom cast making choices, wicked witches poppy fields, or men behind the curtain tiger lilies, ruby slippers clock is ticking, that's for certain I still think that if Stranger Things did a musical episode Steve Harrington would have Andrew Garfield from Tick Tick Boom energy. xxix. everyday || buddy holly Every day seems a little longer Every way, love's a little stronger

Good Omens 2 dropped! I loved it! I also didn't love it! But mostly I was just happy. xxx. i'm just ken || ryan gosling I wanna know what's like to love, to be the real thing Is it a crime? Am I not hot when I'm in my feelings? And is my moment finally here, or am I dreaming?

I went to see this movie by myself because I was sick of waiting for someone to go with me and honestly had a great time. It was silly and fun and I loved the fact that so many dudes got so incredibly butt-hurt about it. xxxi. what was i made for || billie eilish 'Cause I, I I don't know how to feel But I wanna try

God, this song. It made me cry at the end of Barbie and I've been getting up in my feelings about it ever since. xxxii. speechless — naomi scott I will take these broken wings And watch me burn across the sky Apparently this is from the Aladdin live action? I haven't seen it so I can't confirm, but I DID hear this song this summer and fall in love with it. xxxiii. son of nyx || hozier *instrumental* This one might be my favorite? xxxiv. damage gets done || hozier And, darling, I haven't felt it since then I don't know how the feeling ended But I know being reckless and young Is not how the damage gets done

Another Hozier!!!!!! xxxv. paradise valley || honey and the sting Take what you want from me I bring it willingly

I may have done these next three out of order, but hey! I got married this year! As some of you may know, paradise valley has been the song that I have been obsessed with since I first heard it on Wolf 359 back in 2018/2019. I couldn't figure out a way to make it work in a traditional sense for the wedding, so I ended up using it as a private last dance. As the clock was hitting ten o'clock we had our dj gently shoo the stragglers out the door and just crooned this to each other in the dark. It was probably my favorite part of the entire night. xxxvi. stand by me || florence & the machine So darlin', darlin', stand by me Oh, stand by me

This was our first dance. As it should be. We timed our few spins around the 'darlins' and it honestly went great. 10 out of 10, would dance again. xxxvii. my prayer || the platters My prayer is to linger with you At the end of the day I did a sneaky thing. It was Nick's grandparents 65th wedding anniversary a few days before our wedding, so I quietly found out "their song" and had our DJ play it as the first official couples/slow dance of the night after wishing them a happy anniversary. They cried. I cried. The photographer cried. It was great. xxxviii. baby don't hurt me || david guetta What is love? Baby, don't hurt me

Yeah, it's just a catchy cover. xxxix. quietly yours || birdy I've always been yours Only yours This was from the Persuasion soundtrack and god, it's just so achingly haunting. xl. someone to you || banners I don't wanna die or fade away I just wanna be someone Well, doesn't everyone?

Look. I just wanna be someone. xli. one more time — blink 182 Do I have to die to hear you miss me? Do I have to die to hear you say goodbye? I don't wanna act like there's tomorrow I don't wanna wait to do this one more time One more time. I got tickets to their concert next year. We'll see if they cancel this one. xlii. adelaide || ramblewood Wish you could lay those shadows down And find your way back home

I think this is a local artist? I fell in love with the song though. xliii. i'm just your problem || lur Sorry I don't treat you like a goddess Is that what you want me to do?

Watched Fionna and Cake in like a day and a half and fell all the way back in love with Bonnie and Marceline. xliv. you're gonna be okay || ashh blackwood puff out your chest, take a deep breath you're gonna be okay

This showed up on an anxiety mix and now I literally sing it to myself if I'm having a fast day. It is VERY short, but impactful. xlv. mr lonely || angel olsen Now, I am a soldier A lonely soldier Away from home Through no wish of my own My Yuletide fic that has not yet been revealed was about [REDACTED]. I listened to this and a handful of other sad, lonely songs while writing it. xlvi. now and then || the beatles Oh, now and then I want you to be there for me This song has DEVASTATED me since it came out. I will not be the same again. xlvii. vois sur ton chemin || bennett Vois sur ton chemin Gamins oubliés, égarés

Another tiktok ear worm. I'm not much for techno, but I love this one. xlviii. history is now || natalie holt *instrumental*

Loki fucked me all the way up, guys. I know everyone is crying about it, and I'm crying too! It's beautiful and tragic and one of the most fantastic endings for a character arc that I have EVER seen out of Marvel. I HOPE they leave it alone. I hope they leave it as is so we get to keep the beautiful ending and they don't fuck it up. xlix. purpose is glorious || natalie holt *instrumental*

Again, fucked me ALL the way up. I wept. And watched it three times in a row. These two songs will be on my writing playlist for the rest of time. l. the power || borislav slavov I found you too soon Shining star of mine, hold tight Don't fight the power

I have not officially finished Baldur's Gate. However, every iteration of this song is haunting me.

[gaykarstaagforever]

Heathers (1989)

"If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?"

"...Probably."

[TRIGGER WARNING: The movie is about murder, suicide, depression, anxiety and bullying, and it's a Rated-R movie from 1989, so SA is going to keep coming up. I'm going to be referencing all of that in this review. Also I'm a gay man and will be teasing people who have made this movie their personality, so tap out now if you and your cool vinyl collection can't deal with that.]

The movie starts as a fun black comedic take-down of saccharine 80s John Hughes teen romance movies. New-kid-in-school badboy edgelord JD, and repentant former wannabe cool girl Veronica, hook up and decide to live out the ultimate bullied nerd fantasy by getting revenge on Heather, Veronica's frenemy and leader of the Heathers, the most popular clique in school.

But when things go darker than Veronica planned, the comedic satire becomes a Shakespearean melodrama, as Veronica is suddenly confronted by the surreal consequences of what she's done, including realizing that the simplest solution to a problem may in fact make everything a hell of a lot worse.

I'm not going to spoil it for the 5 of you who haven't seen this yet. Everyone else (including me now) has seen it, as it is probably one of the most universally-popular Internet-culture movies there is. You've seen at least one meme from it.

Probably this one.

While a flop in 1989, it quickly became a cult movie on home media, even by the late 90s being one of those movies your older brother and his friends introduced you to to let you know they didn't think you were a lame stupid baby anymore. And it seems now with streaming it is still kind of in that spot, the older brothers with tapes being replaced by Gen X / Millennials posting about how cool it is in front of teenaged lurkers.

So how did I miss it? I WAS the older brother growing up, and I was 7 when it came out. And when I did go back and get into all the 80s movies I missed out on by being a toddler when they were new, I stumbled into the Hughes stuff, notably Pretty in Pink, which is fundamentally the movie Heathers is mocking. As cynical and jaded as I am, I'm also a fruitcake, so I love me some sappy sunny crap (if it's to a greater artistic point, which the Hughes movies are). What I knew of Heathers had me thinking it was merely a demonstration of pretentious anti "popular media" whining from the sort of people who wear outdated hats and are insufferable about punk music.

...And it totally is. But also, it's more than that. It's actually really good and smart and occasionally insightful, when it restrains itself from all the emo "I can be your devil or your angle" posturing. Which, to be fair, it also makes fun of. Before that was even a thing.

Christian Slater and Wynonna Rider have fantastic chemistry, and there's never enough of the two of them just enjoying each other's company. Even when they're arguing, it feels like a real couple going through something they'll almost certainly get over in a few hours (until they very much can't, and then they'll literally try to kill each other). Passion, is the word for it. Sardonic and low-key most of the time, but still passion. And that's always delightful.

It's well-shot and well-directed, with good uses of lighting and dynamic camera angles. There is a lot of scenes that are just two people talking, and it's never boring. Impressive for filmmakers who were, at the time, fresh-faced and working with a small budget. The style ends up being like if John Waters (no relation to Dan Waters, who wrote it) had directed Corman's Rock and Roll High School: goofy and surreal and sarcastic, but also willing to get dark and push boundaries to make a point.

All the characters - even joke side ones - are thoughtfully drawn, given emotional depth and realistic motivations, even when they're doing something stagey and broad in this highly stylized, Tim Burton-esque dark fairytale world. Wynonna Rider fought for the role against all advice, and it is perfectly in-line with the characters she played and the movies she played them in of this era, Beetlejuice and Edward Scissorhands. Maybe even Bram Stoker's Dracula, if we're talking surreal melodramatic action-horror with disco lighting.

It is a movie with lots of big ideas (probably too many), but it manages to get those across effectively. What starts as a simple teenager revenge fantasy morphs into an armchair analysis of what America does to its children - instead of nurturing them and preparing them for the adult world, it points at them and gawks, and cashes in on their fear and self-loathing and predictable self-destruction. Everyone in the cruel high school world of Heathers is both a perpetrator and a victim, desperately fighting for survival by both submitting to abuse, and then immediately turning around and heaping it on someone "beneath" them. Death here isn't genuinely mourned or reflected upon; everyone simply starts plotting how they're going to exploit this new gap in the line. And whether the victims kill themselves or are murdered only matters as far as someone can spin that into self-promotion. Even the priest at the funeral (the late great Glenn Shadix, Beetlejuice again!) uses the supposed suicide of a child as an opportunity to make a ham-fisted youth-oriented alter call.

By the end of the movie, Veronica has triumphantly decided to rise up - not merely against the popular kids and exploitative / apathetic adults - but against the entire system of unending cruelty she didn't even know she was still playing a part in when she was actively attacking it. This finally sets her at odds with JD, who is too consumed by hatred to realize that the violence he thinks is a solution is fundamentally part of the problem.

And yet, as they come to blows, Veronica is also replaying the very same game that led her to become one of the Heathers in the first place, and then turn on them: use people to secure power, they use and hurt you, so you attack them. She knows the whole system is bad and broken and wants out, and seems to acknowledge the only way out is through earnest friendships and "growing out" of being shallow and petty. But by the end of the movie, despite her rebuke of JD...has she managed it? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe the system is inescapable, and all you can hope to do is find a way to force it to work for you. And choose then to make it less cruel. Maybe.

It's not a good or happy ending, it's just an ending. But a thought-provoking one, and the movie does it well.

...Mostly. The dialogue is trying very hard to be distinctively witty, but mostly comes across like a worse version of Clueless-ese, with more gratuitous vulgarities and no kitschy charm. A writer being very proud of how smart they are, without noticing that real people don't talk like this because it's awkward and obnoxious. Everyone's dialogue is basically interchangeable, including between the kids and adults (JD and his lunatic father have a fun distinctive thing they do, but that's about it). Now, lines being awkward and obnoxious doesn't mean they aren't eminently meme-able. In fact, that usually means they are. And they certainly are here. Nearly every scene has a memorable bon mot that can be endlessly parroted by people doing that so you won't notice their off-putting personality. ...I wouldn't call that a win for anyone, but it is certainly a thing.

Remember: just because someone said it in a movie, doesn't mean it's inherently funny or profound or relevant to the conversation you've currently having. And you're not suddenly smart because you found a movie quote that you think expresses your exceptional hot take. In fact, that might be a sign that your are NOT in fact smart or insightful. Just putting that out there.

Also the "mineral water is for fags" thing is only funny because it's stupid. It was stupid then. That's the point of that being in the movie, to show how stupid these podunk morons in Ohio are. Stop repeating that 'joke.' It isn't funny out of context.

Gen X. Looking at you on this one. It's just you trying to give yourselves permission to still call people "fags." Doesn't work that way.

Christian Slater claims he was "channeling Jack Nicholson for this film." Yeah, okay, dude. And for the rest of your life, all the time. He's still a good actor and very charming here, but if that "Christian Slater" thing he does annoys you, it's at 11 here.

The pacing and tone get pretty muddled after the initial black revenge comedy stuff stops, as the movie uneasily transitions to its second major focus. It stops being funny entirely for awhile, until near the end when it suddenly remembers that was supposed to be a part of this, then sitcomy stuff elbows its way in. And JD's plans post-breakup with Veronica are left vague until they suddenly aren't, and I feel like I missed something. I didn't, and there's a point to them doing it this way, but it is handled kind of confusingly.

The movie is a scaled-down version of whatever epic Greek tragicomedy the writer originally dreamed up, and the studio demanded the pitch-black orginal ending be changed. And you can kind of feel that throughout. As an R-rated movie it is a lot tamer than it feels like it should be, and I for one wish the kills were gorier and more over-the-top. That more fits the tone. Maybe that was never the original intention, but you don't do Titus Andronicus without getting gross with it, you know?

Any SA stuff is handled tactfully, and there isn't much of it, and it serves a narrative purpose. But that still feels like something that is only in here because it's 1989 and R-rated movies have to go there. And I don't feel like they really give those incidents the kind of emotional impact they should have on the victims. But again, this is a surreal world of unending cruelty, so maybe people shrug that off here. It's more my personal preference, if you're going to be gross to women in a movie (probably stop that, unless that's what the movie is about. Rape and molestation are not screenplay spices.)

The good far outweighs the bad, though. And Heathers is good, and is deservedly a timeless cult-classic for growing boys and girls, given what it deals with and how well it deals with it. It's entertaining and it makes you think, which is what good movies do. And it's endlessly meme-able, and that's okay, even if the people who meme it the most are silently warning you that they're pretentious and annoying about music. And that's only sort-of the movie's fault.

Also all the women in this movie have 9 lbs of dry fly-away hair that is just...painful. I realize this "unkempt Barbie hair" style was the best we could do at the time, but... I feel like I can hear it crunching every time they move.

Oh, and shoulder pads for days, shoulder pads FOREVER. I will never understand why the hell the 80s thought women weren't boxy enough. It was a thing.

[polkadotsunshine]

It lives up to the hype

An inverted review of I Saw the TV Glow

In 2015, a few days before Christmas break, my friend Heather told me that Undertale, "lives up to the hype." We were on The Bridge in our highschool - a connector between the building with all the classrooms and the building with the cafeteria, gym, and music rooms. The Bridge doubled as the senior lounge; only juniors and seniors were supposed to sit at the tables lining its edges. I thought that rule was stupid. Unfortunately, it didn't really matter what I thought about the rule anymore, since I was already a senior.

I had seen the Steam store page for Undertale but I didn't really know anything about it. I pretended like I knew things about it because I wanted to be someone who knew things about it. She told me that I should play it.

I didn't really know how to act around Heather. I didn't not have a crush on her, but I couldn't sort out my feelings. A year before, an upperclassman dared me to confess my love to her. It was clear to everyone that I was weird around Heather. For reasons irrelevant, completing the dare would earn me cash that I desperately needed and failing to undertake it would result in a loss of extra credit for a class I was in. Confronted with the actual possibility of dating someone, I was too terrified to take the dare.

Nearly a decade later, my mom mentioned Heather in passing, briefly talking about the massive crush she had on our mutual friend Justin, to make some other unrelated point. I felt surprised and stupid that I never noticed her crush in highschool. To be honest, back on The Bridge in 2015, I don't remember if Heather was talking to me. It feels more likely that she was talking to Justin or some other friend sitting nearby and I experienced the conversation through proxy.

I downloaded Undertale to my laptop before I traveled to my grandma's house for Christmas. By saying the game, "lives up to the hype," Heather had communicated two things. First, the game had considerable critical acclaim and popular appeal. Second, the game spoke for itself better than any analysis could. The indirectness of her praise made it feel more true, in the same way you know a movie spoiler is more true if you overhear it between two friends than if someone obnoxiously tells you, "Guess what? He dies in the end!"

In the winter of 2015 I was working on a game of my own. It was a tactics game where each class of units had a unique combat minigame because I found automatic battles boring at the time. When I got to the second combat encounter in Undertale, when I realized each enemy had a unique combat minigame, my mind exploded straight out of my skull. Undertale actualized the goal for my game far better than I ever could, even if I could pull perfect imagination out of my brain and into a computer. Just a few days later, I would beat Undertale, tears streaming down my face.

I loved going to my grandma's for Christmas. I got heaps of presents from 11 extended family members in addition to my normal gifts. I would play with them and my Dad's childhood toys while exploring my grandma's beautifully huge house. My cousins James and Emma, only a couple years older than me and my brother Jayson, would spend the whole time with us. We got to play on their GameCube and, once it came out, their Xbox 360. Jayson and I were usually only allowed to play video games on weekends and for only two hours per week; but at my grandma's, we were allowed to play as much as we wanted. It was the best time of the year. It was a time when things were different.

Unfortunately, in 2015, I didn't like going to my grandma's anymore. James, Emma, and Jayson had all gone to college. I felt like a kid, still playing video games. Our separate table for dinner - the kids table - no longer existed. All 18 of us, long term girlfriends and stay-in doctors included, sat around the same table eating the same food. I didn't like traditional Chinese food, but my mom's insistence that I should be cooked a special meal made me feel worse. I couldn't keep up with everyone's clever jokes and serious questions. I was angry, confused, and I acted out. My family was frustrated with me. So was I. I went back to playing video games, alone.

I used to wake up before sunrise and run around the whole house waiting for James and Emma to wake up. In 2015, I woke up late and I stayed in later. I hid under my blanket and read webcomics on my iPod. I had just started reading some sci-fi comic that had good reviews on Reddit. At the end of the first chapter, the main character peeps through a door crack and watches his sister have sex with another woman. It felt wrong. I must be such a sick pervert to enjoy reading about lesbians. I felt like the brother, watching from the outside. I must be a sick pervert because sometimes I wished that-

I locked myself in the bathroom and didn't talk to anyone.

At the start of Undertale, it prompts you to enter your name. For the first time in my life, I wrote Maya. Each time I died, the game would ask me, plead me, command me to never give up. It would call me Maya and I would try again. I clawed my way to the end of that game and it promised, "Despite everything, it's still you." At the end of the true pacifist route, I walked backwards then forwards through every room in the game and interacted with everything one last time. I beat Undertale, tears streaming down my face.

The next morning was Christmas day. Jayson noticed I had a new iPod background set to a screenshot of Flowey. He expressed surprise that I had done such a thing so soon after beating the game. If it were anything else, I would have defensively walked back my decision, gone silent, and coldly left the room. That same trip, I had reacted this way when Jayson asked about the Vocaloid wallpaper on my laptop. But with Undertale, I was confident. It had lived up to the hype. I knew it was great. I told Jayson, "It's that good."

On Friday, October 11 2024, I found myself saying, "I Saw the TV Glow lives up to the hype." I have sparingly used this phrase over the years to convey my ultimate love for something. I hope that it will spark the same curiosity and confidence that Heather gave me when I played Undertale. Only now, I realize how fitting it is to use this story to describe that film.

Undertale was my Pink Opaques. When real life was a string of shameful dissociated events, I lived through my so-called immature interests in video games and comics. I desperately latched onto anything that was different than my terrible life. Before I became myself, I couldn't imagine being in a relationship because it felt like my heart had been cut out of me. I was dying. Undertale showed me I could be loved and powerful. It showed me that Maya was still me. I Saw the TV Glow parallels these events, understanding me like nothing and no one ever has.

When I finished film, heart palpitations overwhelmed me for an hour. I couldn't speak. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't stop imagining my life if I had been more like Owen. I heaved deep gulps of air to remind myself what I'd done. I was alive. Twelve hours later I couldn't sleep, so I switched on the lights and began reading Tumblr tags for the movie.

I expected devastated sobs of scattered thoughts, like my own. Instead, I saw reviews from writers who had ample time to sort their feelings. Every post was hopeful. They repeated words I had initially glazed over: "It's never too late." I've never really related to trans stories or experiences until now, but this film has connected me to an entire community of people like me.

The film had asked me, pleaded me, commanded me to never give up. Its passion will live with me, haunting me and empowering me until the day I die. I Saw the TV Glow lives up to the hype.