#He’s the definition of ‘I’m filling the room with negative energy because I’m upset’

[unforgivenyunjin]

Til this day it makes me laugh that Azriel overpacked Nesta’s bag whilst knowing that she was about to climb a mountain because she hurt Feyre.

Him silently raging at people is one of the funniest things about him.

[thefanfictionartist]

Stress Relief

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou X Y/N

Summary: After a messy break up with another blonde peer, Y/N is left with pent up frustration, making it difficult to focus on third year exams. While studying with the Bakusquad, she notices a similar frustration in Bakugou. How are they going to relieve that stress?

Word Count: 3.8k

Rated M for Mature; intended for 18+ audiences.

A/N: Those of you with Wattpad may have seen this story from my one-shot book already.

Part Two

  ~          ~           ~            ~             ~               

 "Boys are dumb."

    That was the first conclusion you had come up with while sitting with your best friend, Mina Ashido, at lunch. As you slump over in your seat and place your head in your heads, she wraps her arms around you in consolation.

    "Well.. I can't exactly argue with you on that one." The pink-skinned girl manages a small glance to a few of the class 1-A boys.

    One of which had managed to short circuit himself while charging five phones at once, the others nearly collapsing with their laughter at their friend. Mina manages a sigh before casting her gaze back onto you.

    "Look, you know that he's just trying to get under your skin." She states before pulling away to take a sip of her soda.

    You know exactly who she's talking about because she knows exactly why you're upset.

    It was all because of a stupid dreamy blond in class 1-B. Neito Monoma. As of the current moment, you can't remember what you ever really saw in him. Why would anyone date such an egotistical ass? Risking it all, you take a chance with looking towards his usual seat in the cafeteria to find him looking right at you. And you know what he does when he sees you?

    He winks.

    Like you didn't catch him a few weeks ago with Yaoyorozu.

    Huffing in slight embarrassment, you turn back to your own table, swearing to yourself that you won't ever look his way again. "Nei-" No. He doesn't deserve for his first name to be used by you anymore. "Mr. Copycat can go fuck himself. I don't fucking care."

    You scowl, taking an aggressive bite of soba.

    "Besides, the final exams are coming up. I don't have the energy to even think about him."  You recollect, reverting to thinking about the study session the Bakusquad planned for this weekend. Mina gives you a blinding smile and a thumbs up.

    "There's the spirit, Y/N!" Her enthusiasm is hard not to mirror as lunch goes on and it ends with soba noodles nearly spurting from your nose because you were laughing so hard.

                                                         - - - - - 

    Classes had just ended for the week and you're pretty sure that you have lost knowledge rather than attaining more. Thank god for this study session or you would be failing your third year at UA.

    You rub your head, feeling a headache coming on as you try to recite important hero laws you've been taught earlier in the year. Feet dragging you into the dorms, you plop onto the couch of the common room without thinking about it. "Always be aware of your surroundings.. Do anything in your power to keep civilians safe.. Keep track of villains and whether or not you know their quirks.." Starting to mumble situational rules, you miss the extra presence in the room.

    "Oh, hey Y/N!"

    Kirishima's voice snaps you from your mantra, your head whipping around to look at him. "What's up, Kiri?"

    "We're all meeting up in Bakugou's room to start cramming. Kaminari wanted to start a little earlier than planned and I thought you might want to join." Sheepishly scratching the back of his neck, he gives you a friendly sharp-toothed smile, which manages to raise your spirits a bit.

    Nodding, you are already out of your seat. "Yeah, I'll be there I just have to grab my notes from my dorm first."

    Memorizing these things would be much easier with other people helping you remember. It always was. But somehow, you still felt distracted from your studies. You knew exactly why but also refused to dwell on the subject any longer. It wasn't worth your time.

Just as promised, you showed up at Bakugou's door a few minutes later with your 'cram-sesh' bag.

It was really just a bag filled with all of your notes, bunches of blank index cards, and an incessant amount of snacks. Because chewing can help you study better? You are pretty sure you heard that somewhere.

Opening the door, you find Kaminari and Sero looking at Bakugou with the most dumbfounded expressions you've ever seen.

"Oi! It's not that fucking hard-" Said Pomeranian was already fuming at the pair. "Just divide 78 from x and do it to the other side! It's literally the easiest question in the study guide!"

A small chuckle causes the edges of your lips to curl up in amusement with Bakugou's fit of anger as you sit down beside Mina and Kirishima, ready to fill out flash cards like your life depended on it.

For the next few hours you had tuned the yelling out so you could focus on what concepts you were sure you didn't get. Working with Kirishima and Mina was a breeze, although you felt bad sticking Bakugou with two boys who seem to have negative brain cells around one another. Managing a glance to the trio proves that it's the worst thing for Bakugou, the one of the three that not only looks like he might explode from anger, but could possibly explode. Averting your eyes to the clock, you almost gasp at the time.

No wonder you were feeling drowsy.

It was almost one in the morning. "Hey, hedgehog!" You call to Bakugou after a hefty yawn. "You got any of those energy drinks left?" The plan was to stay up all night tonight for a cramming session, although another glance to the two you were studying with proves that only one person was left. Unsure of when Kirishima left you shrug off the thought. He must need his manly sleep or whatever he calls it.

Wordlessly, Bakugou leans back to open a mini fridge behind him and grab an energy drink to toss to you.

He appears to be long done with the two boys sat beside him like lost puppies. Or at least his patience with them is completely shredded. Not to mention they didn't look like they could handle understanding any more information. "Kaminari, Sero, why don't you guys head to bed for a few hours?"

"Brain need sleep." Kaminari mutters, getting up and walking out the door without blinking. Sero follows him in a similar state, but still manages to say goodnight to the remaining three in the room.

You can hear Bakugou sigh in relief from the other side of the room as you look to Mina, fully intent on continuing with the flash cards you were quizzing each other with. Although, you find her with her hand covering her mouth as she yawns. "I'm gonna catch a few z's I think. But I'll be back around 8 in the morning." Granting her a smile, you nod, letting her head off to bed, although you were disappointed since you felt like you were making progress.

"Yeah, I'll be here, studying. Goodnight, Mina." Bakugou merely grunts in acknowledgment as Mina leaves you two alone in the room.

This definitely wasn't the first time you had been in Bakugou's room alone while studying. But it was the first time that you noted Bakugou was so.. tense. "Were the boys really that bad?" One of your eyebrows quirks in curiosity to his enhanced sense of irritation. A quick flash of red tells you that Bakugou is glaring daggers at you from your simple question.

"Tch. They're always bad." You note the roll of his eyes before the crimson hues land on whatever study guide he has in front of him.

Scooting your work so that the papers are sprawled closer to your study buddy, you lean against his bed, still laser focused on how frustrated he seemed. "And? You're normally more patient with them.. It takes at least two hours before your screaming, typically."

"Whatever."

    You click your tongue, deciding to leave the topic for the moment. "Can you quiz me on these really quick? I think I have them down by now." The stack of index cards you had filled out with Mina ends up on top of the paper that Bakugou is focused on.

    The blond makes a small noise of irritation and for a moment, you swear he's about to blow up on you.

    Instead, he neatly collects the index cards and sets them to the side of his own paper. "Yeah, I need a break first. Dunce face is exhausting."

    You nod, cracking open the energy drink you were given not to long ago while Bakugou does the same. Sighing contently, you can already feel the 300 mg of caffeine beginning it's work. "Want any snacks?" Looking to Bakugou, you point at your bag as you refer to snacks, knowing that he'd probably steal all of your Takis.

    It doesn't take long for him to find the sacred bag of spicy chips that he craved. "Thanks." He utters, settling down as he has himself a little midnight snack break.

    Both of you sit in silence for a minute and surprisingly, you aren't the one to break that bubble.

    Bakugou glances to you confusedly, something weighing on his mind. "What's the deal with you and that copycat bastard lately? I thought you two couldn't breathe without sucking faces every hour." He smirks, containing a chuckle. Really, he was relieved he didn't have to witness it for the past few weeks. The scene could make anyone uncomfortable.

    Your face flushes red in frustration at the mention of He-Who-You-Swore-Not-To-Name.  Not able to bring yourself to look at Bakugou, you fiddle with a stray pencil on the floor.

    "We broke up."

    Keeping your tone curt, you make it clear that this is not a subject you'd like to discuss. In fact, it was the one thing that actually messed with you at this point. You hated that He-Who-You-Swore-Not-To-Name had this kind of hold on you. A hold that distracted you and made you question whether or not you should go back to him.

    "He cheated on me." You decide to give further explanation to a speechless Bakugou, pretending to write notes on a mostly blank paper.

    "Shit- I-" He stumbles over his words, smirk falling.

    Offering a small smile, you finally look back at him. "It's fine... I only miss him for the stress relief anyways." Adding a small remark seems to put Bakugou back into his normal, non-sympathetic state.

    "Huh?"

    "He's a shitty boyfriend, but a good fuck." You put it into terms Bakugou would be more likely to understand. "Now will you stop eating the damn chips and quiz me on the rest of the flash cards."

    "Tch." A dusting of pink momentarily appears on Bakugou's cheeks, but he seems to ignore it as he picks up the index cards again. "Describe the Crime Control Theory."

"Pfft. That's easy." The remark leaves your lips before you really reach into the depths of your mind for the answer. "It's.." Oh no. Didn't you just go over that with Mina. "It's.." Trying to actually think about it makes you realize that your mind has been bombarded with the crummy memory of He-Who-You-Swore-Not-To-Name, so, you huff and bullshit your way through the answer.

"It's obviously the theory that.. theoretically.. describes how to control crime?"

A scowl from Bakugou tells you that you most definitely have the answer wrong. "Are you really that much of a dumbass?" He says it so patronizingly that you're almost personally offended.

"Hey! It's not like that. I've just had a rough few weeks, alright? Give me a break." You pout. "Maybe if I help you study something I'll pick up something? What are you working on?" Reaching towards the blonde male, you grab the paper he seemed to be writing on previously, much to his own shame.

"What the fuck is this?" You don't mean to sound rude when you ask the question you're just shocked.

Instead of finding a paper with neat answers to question and nice notes in the margins, you discover that whatever work was on the paper has been completely covered with angry scribbles. Looking at Bakugou, you can tell that even he's disappointed in himself. His head hangs low and he can't seem to bring himself to look you in the eyes. "I don't fucking know! I was fine with geometry a week ago and.." He lets out an exasperated noise, hitting the back of his head on his bed.

"Somethings wrong with me. All I can think about it that shitty written final test and how I can't fail it. I need to be a hero but that means I need to graduate."

All that you find yourself responding with is a resounding laugh, so powerful that you're clutching your stomach.

"Oh my- Bakugou, do you hear yourself right now?"

Boom Boom Boy sends a piercing glare to you. "Shut up! Just forget I said anything, idiot!"

"That not what I-" You take a deep breath to stop most of your laughing. "I meant it's ridiculous for you of all people to be worried about these finals. You've literally been studying for this shit since you were a first year."

Bakugou's expression softens with your words.

"I can't help it. I just-" His hands comb through his spiky blond locks for a moment before grabbing and pulling large sections of his hair. "Gah! What is this?!"

"It's called stress, Bakubro." You finalize the statement with a soft punch to his shoulder. "Welcome to the world of normal emotion."

"I don't want it!" Bakugou abruptly puts his hands on the ground, looking overall agitated, like a child who doesn't want to go down for naps.

"There are ways to make yourself less stressed you know? In fact there's one word I can fit stress relief into: Fun." Both of your hands open dramatically in front of you as you say fun, hoping to get Bakugou in a better mood. He is your tutor after all and if he's too stressed to help, you're screwed.

    "Tch. Fun is something for kids, dumbass." He responds nonchalantly, rolling his eyes irritably as though you should've known that as fact.

    You smirk, stifling a chuckle behind your hand as you retort, "So you're saying that only kids have sex?" A small giggle echoes momentarily through the room from you as you appreciate Bakugou's dumbfounded expression.

    "You think I should have sex to relieve stress?"

    "Well... yeah? It's always worked for me and I'm pretty sure most people would agree with me." There's a long moment of uncomfortable silence that you sit in with Bakugou as he mills over what you've just said.

    "..." The blond hedgehog furrows his eyebrows as he thinks, finally gazing in your direction. "And who do you suggest I have sex with? It's not like I have time for a relationship when I'm gonna be the number one hero." This question throws you for a loop. And you consider the options that he has mentally before realizing there's a perfect option that you hadn't considered yet.

    "Why not just get a friend with benefits? That way it's just sex when you need it without the additive of romance."

    "You're still not answering the 'who the fuck would agree to that shit'?!"

    "Me." You deadpan.

    The explosive boy sitting next to you fumbles for his next wording in a stupefied manner. "S-S-Ser-iously?"

    Shrugging, you nod, locking onto his eyes with your own. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be serious? It's not like I want a relationship now anyways after that dumbass Copycat. Plus it's not just you that's stressed out over shit, you know?"

   Seemingly considering the option, Bakugou looks to his lap, biting his lip in deep thought.

    "Fine." He looks to you annoyedly, even though his body was certainly excited by the idea. "But first we probably need some shitty ground rules or something."

    "Agreed."

    "Don't tell anyone about what we do or I'll blow your ass up." Irate at the thought of Raccoon Eyes finding out about this and telling everyone, Bakugou subconsciously leans towards you. Not that you noticed.

    "Wasn't planning on it."

    "Any special rules you got?" A smirk plays at the corners of Bakugou's lips as he leans towards you.

    With Bakugou this close, you can feel your heart begin to beat a little faster with excitement. "Um-" In a couple spare second of clarity, you manage to choke out, "I might be on birth control but I still want you to use a condom."

    "Done."

    He responds coolly, leaning ever so much closer to you and letting his lips brush over yours before he shifts to whisper in your ear. "If we do this, I want the ability to fuck you whenever and wherever I like."

    Your breath hitches and you boldly decide to wrap your arms around Bakugou's neck as your eyes meet his crimson hues. "Just stay within reason.. and don't fall in love with me." You add another rule with a sultry tone.

    "You better not fall in love with me, dumbass." Bakugou hisses before connecting his lips with yours in a heated fervor. His hands attach to each side of your face, giving him most control over the kiss. You moan softly against him in response to his aggressiveness, your body already tingling.

    Up until this moment, you hadn't realized how much your body was craving to be this close with someone. It was enough to make you almost painfully aroused within the minute.

    Bakugou pushes you so that you're comfortably laying on the carpeted floor of his dorm room, with him directly between your legs. Your hands pull at his shirt, desperate to get it off right now. He catches on to the message quickly and pulls off his shirt in record time, still letting out a low growl of discontent when he had to pull away from the kiss. His lips meet back with yours, this time noting just how plush your lips feel against his.

    Scratching lightly over Bakugou's chest seems to rile him up some because within seconds, he's already rutting himself against your clothed core, the bulge in his joggers becoming very apparent.

     Gasping softly at the friction, you comb your fingers through his hair, pulling at a few tufts while Bakugou takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. You can feel the slippery muscle glide sensually above yours, completely dominating your mouth before you even have the chance to defend. Wrapping your legs around Bakugou's hips, you grind against him. He groans and you decide to tangle your tongue with his in the hopes of winning the small battle.

    But before you can win, he pulls back, his pupils blown by so much lust that you can barely see the scarlet iris surrounding them. "Clothes off, now.." The husky tone of his voice sends waves of arousal straight to your core and you fumble to stand up while he digs through his draw for a condom.

    In record time, you've completely stripped yourself of clothing and laid on Bakugou's bed, which was exceedingly more comfortable that the floor. You feel yourself ache for some kind of pleasure and unabashedly open your legs to display your dripping core to Bakugou. "Bakugou.. please fuck me." You whine lewdly, being mindful of the fact that the blond has neighbors.

    He had expected for you to want more preparation but with the way you were strewn out on his bed, so deliciously begging for his cock... How could he deny your request?

    In an instant, his remaining clothes are discarded and the condom is rolled safely on his erection. In the next moment he's on top of you, lining himself up with your hole.

    Despite how much he wanted to shove himself inside of you immediately, he still took a moment to look into your eyes and ask, "Are you sure about this, (Y/N)?"

    "Yes!"

    You respond enthusiastically. "Please! I need your-" You are promptly interrupted by Bakugou thrusting into you unforgivingly, making you gasp with a loud moan. "Fuck!" Having him fully sheathed inside of you was unlike anything you've felt before. It was so pleasurable that you truly couldn't think of anything else.

    "Shit-" Bakugou balances himself above you by placing his hand just above your shoulders. He takes a moment to let you adjust to his size. Although, it's hard to control himself with how tight and warm you feel. He grimaces, hands crackling slightly with his quirk as he tries to slowly pull himself out of you and thrust back in.

    The next thrust pinpoints your g-spot, making you moan loudly beneath Bakugou. He smirks down to you, knowing exactly where he hit and intending to hit it again. Your hand grab at his back, stabilizing yourself as he drives himself against your g-spot again and again, finding a starting rhythm and gradually getting faster with his thrusts.

    Each rut from Bakugou tears an angelic moan from your throat. And even though he loves the sound, he ends up covering your mouth and leaning towards your ear while he picks up the pace. "Be quiet, dumbass." He reprimands. "You're gonna wake everyone up if you keep crying like that." His eyes look to yours from a moment and you nod to confirm that you heard him, your moans muffled by his hand.

    Soon Bakugou's hand is replaced with his lips as he kisses you roughly, his calloused hand tracing gently down your sides while he drills into you.

    Each of your moans vibrates against his lips, although you try to conceal most of them, in fear of someone catching you. You can feel Bakugou's hips stutter slightly against you and he moves his fingers down to your clit, rubbing circles while he thrusts even harder. You whimper pathetically at the sensation, your walls clamping down on Bakugou's cock as you reach your climax with him soon chasing after his own.

    He pants heavily, groaning as his hips still against you. Releasing into the condom, he rolls to the side to discard of the trash, tossing your clothes to you. He wiped himself off with a tissue and begins to dress himself before looking back to you with a smirk.

    "I think this 'Friends who have fun' thing is really gonna work, (Y/N). I feel better already."

    You smile, throwing on your shirt and underwear while still on the bed. "I told you sex was fun.." Hopping off the bed, you wobble ever-so-slightly before slipping back into your shorts. You nudge Bakugou playfully before settling on the ground. "Let's pick up where we left off, shall we?"

    Your eyes scour the ground for the index cards that you had been quizzing with previously.

    "Actually..." Bakugou begins speaking, making you look up to him. "We still have a few hours before the idiots come back." He gestures to the clock before looking at you mischievously. "And I think I should relieve a little more tension before dealing with them."

[oikawasass]

Can I pleaaaase get some reader comforting bakugou after he had a really bad day?

hope this is alright

it’s just a bad day.

‣ pairing : bakugo x fem reader.

‣ oneshot.

‣ synopsis : the bomb that is bakugo katsuki being defused by his girlfriend after a long day.

‣ wordcount : 1.4k+

‣ warnings : angst if u squint, swearing.

it was sometime after 1700, and class 1-a was joined together down in the common room for dinner. everyone was in their small cliques at their own unassigned, yet claimed tables. the table of interest, for the time being, was occupied by kaminari, kirishima, (name), mina, and bakugo. their small squad would sit in the same seats, at the same table, for both breakfast and dinner. it was a bit of an unspoken rule.

the table was often filled with lighthearted bickering and arguing, stupid jokes and the gang making fun of each other, complaining about whatever insane amount of homework aizawa had assigned that night, and any other kind of things that crossed their minds. to anyone outside of the group, it would seem like they were constantly at each other's throats. but to them? this was the type of chaotic, yet friendly of energy they all gave off. perhaps that’s what caused them to click so well.

today, however, something seemed off at the table that was usually so lively and energetic. it was like a thick blanket of tension hung over everyone’s shoulders, yet no one could exactly figure out why.

at least, they couldn’t figure out why it was coming from where it was.

the aura was obviously coming from the hotheaded blonde, seated at the edge of the table beside his girlfriend. he had seemed a tad more rigged than usual all day, but now that they were all seated alone together outside of class, it seemed to shine through much more than it had earlier.

it was tolerable, sure, things went on as they usually did between the rest of the friends, but no one could shake the...awkward feeling that strung through the air.

of course, kaminari was the first one to actually speak up about it.

" yo, kacchan, what's got you so grumpy today? " he asked, words barely audible from the rice stuffed in his cheeks that he’d shovelled into his mouth right before speaking.

bakugo didn’t answer, simply sighing heavily with a low growl beneath his breath as he continued to pick at his food.

everyone shot each other the same worried look when katsuki passed the opportunity to chew out denki, only confirming their suspicions that something was wrong.

kirishima was the next one to give it a shot.

" y’know you can tell us right? even if you think it’s stupid or something we’ll still lis- "

" just leave it the fuck alone already. "

he snapped back, cutting off the redhead before he could finish. his head didn’t lift up from his plate of curry, continuing to push around the rice. his voice wasn’t as loud, or as angry as one may have expected, it just sounded irritated. maybe even tired.

mina had her turn next.

" hey, you don’t gotta tell us if you’re not feelin’ it. but just remember the offer is there if ya change your m-! "

she too was cut off, this time by bakugo standing up with a slam of his palms against the table. roughly pushing his chair aside, he shoved his hands into his pockets and began to stomp away.

" wait wait! kacchan where are you go- "

" I said to fucking leave it, kaminari. "

the group once more all gave each other the same look, except this time it was one of pure shock. something was definitely up.

normally, they wouldn’t be too concerned if something might’ve been wrong. bakugo tends to get over things pretty quickly, and is good at handling is own issues on his own. they knew to give him his space to work things out if something was bothering him.

but when something was visibly wrong with him, that’s when they knew they had reason to worry.

katsuki knew how to put up a good front. despite his attitude and overall personality, he knew how to keep his composure when it came to his weak spots. rarely did he ever let himself be noticeably upset.

kirishima stood up to go follow the blonde, only to have (name) place her hand down on his shoulder to keep him seated.

" stay here, I got this one. "

she stood up and quickly followed him out of the dining hall, making her way up to the boys’ dorms in a small sprint.

after managing to catch up with him, following the sound of a door being thrown shut, she approached his dorm room, knocking lightly before letting herself inside.

" katsuki? "

she shut the door behind her, walking up to the blonde who was face down on his bed, head buried into his pillow.

" the hell do you want? "

sighing softly, (name) shuffled up to his bed, hopping up onto his mattress with him and plopping herself down on his back so she was straddling over top of him.

" talk to me. "

" ‘bout what? "

" whatever’s bothering you. "

" just fuckin’ drop it already, you’re givin’ me a headache. "

" babe. "

he stopped answering after that, continuing to keep his head stuffed down into his pillow.

" babe. "

still no answer.

" babe, cmon. "

" babe. "

" b- "

he finally snapped, that angry vein in his forehead poking out.

" fucking- what?? "

(name) couldn’t stop the small chuckle that fell from her lips, leaning up onto her knees so that katsuki could move.

" flip over, will you? "

she asked, poking the back of his head a few times. with a loud, annoyed, this close to throwing her out of his dorm room window groan, bakugo flipped onto his back, (name) sitting back down right after so that she was comfortably sat across his lap.

the girl leaned down to kiss him, softly cupping his scratched up cheeks. katsuki slowly reached up to gently, yet firmly hold around her waist, feeling all of his stresses and worries that had been sitting on his shoulders like a heavyweight all day be lifted off. for the first time that day, he felt like he could actually breathe.

(name) hugged around his shoulders, resting her head comfortably in the crook of his neck and placing a soft kiss on his jaw.

" you don’t have to tell me what’s wrong if you really don’t want, but sometimes it helps to open up. you know I’m here to listen no matter what, okay? "

katsuki normally would have defended himself in the scene taking place, assuring he was fine and telling her to drop the topic, but truth be told he was too tired.

the way he felt was odd. it was the first time throughout his whole day he was able to take a breath and relax, but now he almost felt more upset than he did before. maybe it was because he had been pushing all of his negative thoughts to the very back of his head since he woke up, now everything he’d been ignoring was surfacing right back up to the front.

he subconsciously wrapped his arms tightly around the girl on top of him, tightly hugging her waist and burying his face into her shoulder.

(name) turned her head to kiss his cheek, moving one of her hands up and atop his head to slowly run her fingers through his tangled blonde hair. she smiled softly to herself, the softer side of her boyfriend never failing to make her feel this warmness in her chest.

" you’re sure that you don’t wanna talk about it? "

(name) asked once more, voice calm and patient as to hopefully not anger him with the question.

katsuki shook his head, tightening his hold around her torso and lightly clutching to the fabric of her t-shirt.

" no. just-just stay here. my day was shitty and I just wanna be with you right now, alright? "

he admitted against his own better judgement, his voice was low, his words coming out more as muffled mutters rather than a clear sentence, but (name) was still able to hear him just enough.

kissing his cheek another time, continuing to rub small, slow circles on the top of his head to relax him, she nodded.

" okay babe, I’m here as long as you need me. "

they sat in silence for a while, and (name) slowly started to drift off to sleep on top of him, not being able to help her sudden feeling of drowsiness from being wrapped up in his warm arms for so long.

right as she was about to doze off, she heard a soft, ever so quiet mumble come from the boy she laid on top of.

" thank you. "

smiling to herself, she hugged herself closer to him with a light sigh, mumbling just as quietly against his neck:

" that’s what I’m here for. "

[kerie-prince]

We're Worlds Apart (5)

Draco Malfoy x American No-Maj!reader

series m.list | general m.list | previous chp

warnings: cursing, mom being a dick :/, accidental peeping eyes, jealous draco

summary: Draco Malfoy is a pureblood wizard. Magic runs through his veins and has been since his birth. You're a Wiccan No-Maj; a non-magical being with ordinary blood through your veins, but practices what you call magick. And this very practice upsets your neighbor.

a/n: omg, i had to rewrite this WHOLE THING again. but now i know to write things in my google docs first

(gif cred)

Everyone at the table was silent. Your mother sat processing what had just occurred moments ago. I practice, too. You always wondered why your brother never talked too much about her whenever you were on long phone calls with him. He was pretty vague about Stephanie, and now you knew why.

Actually, it made complete sense as to why he didn't tell your mom about Stephanie being a practicing witch, but you? That was what really confused you.

“So,” you decided to break the silence, “how long have you practiced?”

Stephanie had an excited glimmer in her eyes when you asked. “I'm still a baby, I started earlier this year.” Something about her aura was soothing and pure. You scooted your chair closer to her and continued your conversation. “So you’re a Wiccan? Or do you practice something else?”

“I practice Gardnerian Wicca,” she declared. From the corner of your eyes, you could see your mother holding back a scoff. Surely she was thinking Why the hell is she encouraging this?

The ding of the oven sounded like church bells to her as it gave her an excuse to leave the room and focus on anything else. The situation was quite hysterical. But questions were in order. As Stephanie left to use your bathroom, you pulled your brother aside. “Dude, why the hell didn’t you tell me anything?”

He flinched away from your hand and started massaging the pain away from your grip, “I didn’t think it was my business to tell.”

“But you told her about me?” You asked with crossed arms. Your brother’s logic was lacking. “It… might’ve slipped, but I only told her after she told me that she’s a witch. I don’t go around campus saying ‘Hey, I’m Y/B/N Y/L/N. I’m a communications major and y’know what? My sister’s a witch.’” You weren’t upset that he told his girlfriend about you. You weren’t ashamed at all. And you weren’t really upset that he didn’t talk to you about her. Because, in a sense, he’s right.

But you like being dramatic, so you figured that while you've got your brother in your house you’d act like a petty sister. “Whatever, man. But you could’ve told Mom beforehand,” you scolded with your arms crossed. He had a scoff in his laugh, “Tell Mom? We’re thinking of the same person, right? You know she would freak.”

“She’s freaking out right now! I’d have rather her freak out earlier before she made my house look like some stupid picture in a Martha Stewart kitchen advertisement,” you whisper yelled. To think that your house could have looked as it normally did annoyed you. Grandma’s tapestry you whined internally.

Stephanie found you two in your hallway and froze in an awkward stance, “Is everything okay?” You and your brother put on your best smiles. “Yeah, just wanted to see how my baby bro is doing,” you reached up to pinch his cheeks to which he swatted you hand away. It started a playful fight that made your guest laugh in amusement. The sound of your mother announcing that dinner was ready brought the little fight to a halt. “I’ll beat your ass later,” you challenged him, fingers doing an ‘I’ve got my eyes on you’ movement.

—

He couldn't believe it.

Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini stood at his doorstep with their bags. Theo had his wand pointed out with confetti spurting out the tip. “Surprise!” he yelled.

Draco pulled them in quickly and nearly sprained his neck as he looked around to make sure no one saw his friend. “What part of 'muggle neighbors’ did you not understand” he scolded.

“Oh shit, sorry mate. I forgot.” Theo scratched the back of his head. He then glared at Blaise knowing that with his brilliant memory, he let Theo make a big mess of things. Theoretically and literally. An enchanted broom swept up the confetti on the floor.

“What are you guys doing here, I wasn’t expecting you two for another week?” Draco asked as he pulled each wizard in for a welcoming hug.

“Merlin, mate. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you’re disappointed to see us,” Blaise teased.

“That's not what I meant and you know that. I’m happy… just surprised.” The blond wasn't isn't used to showing this kind of side to himself. “What brings you two here early?”

“Have you ever known Theo to be patient for anything? Bloody git nearly dragged me out in the middle of work,” Blaise expressed. The Slytherin trio laughed as the two friends followed Draco through his new home. “Well, here’s the guest room. Set your things down and I’ll grab some drinks.”

For the first time since getting his phone and learning about take-out, Draco had ordered a couple pizzas to be delivered. Blaise and Theo were genuinely impressed by the whole thing. “Muggles sure do think of everything,” Theo observed.

“Almost shocked that Malfoy here adapted pretty well to them,” Blaise had a smirk on his lips before stuffing his mouth with his first ever slice. “Salazar, this is amazing.” Draco raised his eyebrows in agreement. The three men sat in the living room eating and caught up with each other.

The night was filled with laughter and tipsy hiccups. It was arguably Draco’s best night since he first moved to America. He hadn’t realized how much he missed their shenanigans since Hogwarts before it all went to shit thanks to a certain Dark Lord. He was ecstatic and couldn’t wait for them to meet his new friends.

In the middle of their laughter, Theo was seen squinting his eyes in a direction, “Oi mate, who’s that?” The two others followed his eyes which looked out a window. Sort of blurry due to the alcohol, Draco leaned forward to focus on what it was Theo was talking about.

When his vision cleared, he saw some heads moving around. And… arms flinging about? The sight was strange to say the least. Draco didn't exactly know what was going on, he watched as you stood in your living room in front of who he recognized as your mother. Sitting on your couch was some woman, and in between you and your mother was some guy.

“Is that the muggle neighbor you told me about?” Blaise observed.

“Yeah, and her mum. Don’t know the others, though.” Draco stated. He shrugged his shoulders and sat in a comfortable position. Blaise continued to look at the weird scene next door. The only pieces he could put together was that you definitely weren’t happy and neither was your mother. “She’s kinda fit, don’t you think?”

“No,” Draco didn’t hesitate to answer. His irritated voice was indication enough to not press on the matter more. And seeing as it was their first night in America, Blaise didn’t want to risk getting hexed before bed.

Draco looked at the clock on the wall which read 10:57 pm. “Shit,” he whispered. “I’m turning in. I have a meeting in the morning.” Theo was already passed out on the soft couch and Blaise walked himself to the guest room to claim the bigger bed. Once in his room, Draco chugged a bottle of water that was on his nightstand and went to sleep.

—

She finally went home. After the huge fight that broke out after dinner, your mother grabbed her things and left. Poor Stephanie had witnessed the mess and regretted coming. As much as she was glad to finally meet a fellow practicing witch, she underestimated your mother entirely.

It actually surprised you that your mother acted in such ways. Growing up, your mom never really made too much of a fuss of your Craft. But just out of nowhere, she’s making comments of this and making complaints of that. You wanted to forget Thanksgiving night all together.

Currently, you were pacing in your kitchen debating on whether or not to call Stephanie and make sure she was alright. She was nothing but sweet and kind. Didn't deserve to come home with your brother and have some woman blow up. Your mother hit some random nerve in the middle of your conversation that you carried on about what Steph’s practice consisted of and yelled about her whole family getting full of ‘damn weirdos’.

The best thing to come out of it was that you were able to bring back all your original decorations and stored all the stuff your mother bought in the garage.

Thinking about it started to give you a migraine. You walked to your bathroom and started to fill the tub with the hottest water you could take. As it filled, you went to the comfort of your room and undressed. You opted out on bath salts and oils; just the warmth of the water would be enough to settle your nerves.

Before you could remove your bra, you felt a weird shiver up your spine. Something in the air made you feel tense. You wanted to assume that it was negative energy that your mother left behind, but it felt different than that. No, you felt a presence in your home. Or worse, from somewhere else.

You turned around and widened your eyes in horror. A man that you didn’t know nor have ever seen before looks at you from the window of your neighbor, Draco’s room. As soon as it processed to him that you were looking back, he quickly shut the curtains again. At that moment, you wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. You were so caught up in your thoughts that you forgot to shut your blinds.

You sat in your bathtub still shocked that a complete stranger almost saw you naked. Had you even gone further a couple seconds or ignored your instincts, he could have seen everything. You dunk your head into the water and scream under it. This day can’t get worse you thought.

But oh, how it can. You performed your house cleansing spell and as soon as you set the censor dish down, the doorbell rang. You opened the door and was face to face with the same man who saw you. “Hello,’ he said. You recognized the accent, how it sounded like Draco’s.

Shyly, you nodded your head and said a soft ‘hi’.

“Listen, I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for… for what happened,” presumably Draco’s friend apologized.You stood there a bit shocked and flustered. “I swear I’m not a bloody pervert. Mate doesn't have any light in his room so I’d thought I’d do him a favor. Guess that didn't turn out so well,” he sheepishly chuckled. It made you laugh as well. It was decided that it was just an honest mistake.

“It’s okay. I should’ve closed my curtains so I guess it goes both ways,” a blush was spread across your cheeks. The more you looked at him, the more you studied his gorgeous features. “I’m Y/N. You must be Draco’s friend,” you extended your hand out for him to shake. He took it in his and you nearly melted into his smooth skin.

“Yes, I am. I’m Blaise.”

—

Draco returned home with a pounding headache and stiff neck. He had never felt more tired than he did in this moment. He saw Theo sitting on his couch reading the Daily Prophet with one hand and holding a cup of tea in the other. It was funny to Draco because he explicitly remembers Theo promising that he would never become his father who did this exact thing.

Looking around his surroundings, he noticed how his other best friend wasn’t around. “Where’s Zabini?”

“I think he went out for a walk,” Theo guessed. “Think he’s been gone for about an hour now that I think about it.” He put his paper down and mirrored the look of curiosity that was also on Draco’s face. Seconds later, the devil himself walked into Draco’s home. The look on his face was the same he had back in Hogwarts. A look Draco and Theo knew all too well.

“How? Actually no, scratch that. Who?” Theo pressed on instantly. Draco was also interested as to how Blaise somehow seduced a woman a day into his vacation in the foreign country. “You gits really want to know who?” They both nodded. He stood hesitantly but kept the smirk on his face, “Your muggle neighbor, Y/N.”

Theo stood up and gave Blaise a high-five, “You still got the magic touch I see.”

“Please never say that again,” Blaise sighed. He went on to explain everything that just happened, how he accidentally saw you, how he went over and how you invited him in for coffee and talked for about an hour. Well, mainly flirted. Then he talked about how he acted coy and wanted to know whatever was nice in town and when you told him about a French restaurant uptown, he used it as a way to ask you on a date.

Blaise was explaining everything, but it all sounded quiet to Draco. He couldn’t hear a word out of his friends mouth after he said your name.

“Mate, you alright? You look pale,” Blaise looked concerned.

Draco snapped out of it and lied through his teeth, “I’m fine. Just tired and slightly hungover is all.” Lie? Why would I be lying about this? Wait… why am I lying about this?

“Oh, well I can make the thing my mum makes for hangovers if you’d like,” Theo offered.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just get some rest.” Draco walked to his bedroom and removed the necktie around his collar. As he walked in, he saw how his curtain wasn’t fully closed. He opened it slightly and as he looked across, he saw you sitting in a chair in your bedroom. You seemed to have been in a haze before you looked up and met your eyes with his. You waved gently and Draco, as he always does now, nodded his head and closed the curtains.

This can’t be real.

—

next chp

(っ◔◡◔)っ taglist: @beiahadid @malfoy-styles-wife @fivenightslaughter @juneballoon999 @leydileyla @fangirlanotherjust @originalsoulcollector @opiomancy @lipstickandloveletters @ninacotte @daedric-sorceress @frecklesandfirecrackers @hahee154hq @disartrous @oh-those-barricade-boys @bornforfangirling

[shi-chimera]

Balan Wonderworld headcanons have been rattling around in my head for a while now so I'm just gonna plop them here. Enjoy, don't enjoy, whatever.

◇General��

-The Balan Theater is MASSIVE and works much like the door in Howl's Moving Castle. Anyone can access it from a number of dilapidated old buildings if they know which ones to look for.

-The theater has at least two dozen rooms, a large restaurant style kitchen, a full bar, and a massive library with window seats, a day bed, and roughly five thousand books at any given time. The books change out at random because the library has a mind of its own.

-Other rooms include Balan and Lance's bedrooms (they live in the theater), Balan's office, and some guest rooms and lounge/living room type spaces. Some of the rooms have flippable floors and sliding walls to convert them into smaller or different rooms.

-The building also has a small rear courtyard with a single, ENORMOUS tree in it. There are also some small flowerbeds and in one corner by the building is a dumpster.

-The theater's porch lights indicate if an exterior door (i.e. an entrance) is active or not. If the lights are on, the doors are open!

♡Balan♡

-Balan feeds off positive emotions and energy. It's part of why he entertains people. Smiling people are happy and happy people keep him going.

-The most extra person you can find, and has a fixation with his appearance. The smallest stain or speck of dirt, loose thread, etc. and he LOSES HIS MIND. He WILL throw an absolute drama queen level spectacle. Everything he does is over the top.

-High energy, so much so that he tends to fidget, pace, or other wise be in constant motion to burn it all off. He's also ambidexterous, but favors his left so you're likely to see him writing paperwork or lifting things with his left hand more often.

-Is an excellent chef and will cook you the most delicious meal you've ever eaten.

-Balan enjoys tea (in a traditional cup and saucer, Earl Grey in particular), but enjoys it more with cookies. If you bring him tea, make yourself a cup too because he will insist you also have one. He will also probably share a cookie with you. Save yourself a headache and just take it. He considers anything he gives you a gift and if you decline or throw it away he will be very upset and assume you don't like him anymore. You can, however, throw away napkins and the like, of course.

-NEVER drops the smile if he can at all help it. He can and will be in emotional distress and you'd never know unless you knew what to look for. Subtle eye movements and shifts in his posture reveal his mood. Will drum his fingers in specific patterns to calm himself down depending on how he's feeling, though you'll almost never see them.

-He only takes off his hat around people he trusts wholely with every fiber of his being. Lance is one of the few. He's quite pretty underneath, with finely swirling gold patterns all over him similar to Lance and a golden heart shape on his forehead (also like Lance).

-He likes wine, especially red wine. He has a high alcohol tolerance. Can and WILL drink you under the table. He gets extra flirty when he's properly drunk, and if you can get him talking he'll definitely lose track of how much he's had. He can phase objects through one another, so you'll frequently see him fill his glass by tipping it against a bottle.

-Likes to play around with a vaudeville hook and will hook Lance out of the ether if they try to phase out of a conversation or if he expressly needs something from them.

-He's HUGE and all the furniture in the theater is sized for humans, and I do mean ALL OF IT, so his lanky ass looks ridiculous sitting on any kind of furniture. There is one exception to this and that is his bed.

-Speaking of, his room is huge and decked out in a red/white/gold/navy color scheme (hmm, I wonder why?). It has wall panels. He has a walk in closet filled to the brim and a large vanity with a mirror edged in lights. It's also MESSY. Piles of clothes, random objects, makeup all over the vanity. The bed is a 3/4 circle, and it wasn't his idea. Lance actually had it put in while Balan was distracted.

-Why did Lance get Balan a new bed? Well, Balan USED TO sleep in a human sized bed, and he sleeps like he's dead. As such, he can and did fall out of bed every night without fail, usually taking a nightstand or other large object out on the way down and not waking up at all. The crashing sounds kept waking Lance up and they had enough of that.

-Threw a hissyfit when Lance got him the new bed without permission. Sleeps splayed out in the "starfish" position, usually tangled up in the sheets like they came alive and tried to strangle him. One or more limbs will usually be hanging over the side, including his head. Doesn't fall out of the new bed NEARLY as often.

-If you fall asleep in the theater, expect to wake up in that bed. He will insist you sleep in comfort, and the bed is big enough for five people so you aren't inconveniencing him in any way by laying in it. He can sleep across from you on the other side, and will sleep still as a statue if you're there.

-Has little to no concept of gender as a whole. He has no biological gender and can be whatever he wants as he feels fit. Accepts any and all pronouns. As such, he doesn't assign gender stereotypes to ANYTHING (clothes, people, objects of any kind) and doesn't understand most human created gender related norms.

-Will frequently call people Darling. If he likes you, will sometimes call you Dear. I.e. "Lance, darling, why are you always like this? Just SMILE!" and "Look at that smile, dear girl! Positively RADIANT!"

-For the LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE LOVE HIM. There is NEVER such a thing as too much affection as far as Balan is concerned. He will PINE for it. Hug him, lean on him, ask him to hold your hand or carry you around. Something, anything! He WANTS as much attention as possible and will come at you like he's more touch starved than Lance. He has ZERO concept of personal space. He will toss you in the air (he will also always catch you, calm down), hold your face, pat you on the head, flat out glomp you, the whole shebang. Unless you clearly state otherwise, he will be all over you ALL THE TIME.

-Rarely if ever gets TRULY upset, and if he does the cracks will start to show. He will pace and rapidly teleport when stressed out, and will sometimes summon doubles without realizing. The doubles can't talk, and mainly just act as stand-ins in shows.

-Always puts the visitors first and will cancel a show if he feels someone is in danger, emotional distress, etc.

-His eyes glow in the dark, and the pupils get narrower instead of smaller (kinda like a cat). His dreads are also prehensile (they can be moved at will) and he has a set of four back tendrils like Lance. He never shows them unless absolutely neccessary or for intimidation. They're curled up like little nubbins on his back, under his clothes. They're extremely sensitive and are actually feelers that let him read the energy in a room so he can react accordingly.

-He DOES have casual clothes, usually semiformal (button up shirts, suit vests, etc.) and will pull his dreads back out of his face when his hat is off.

-He enjoys witty banter, and will have a "banter battle" with anyone willing, Lance unwillingly included. Annoying Lance is actually one of his favorite pasttimes. He's kinda a lil shit sometimes.

-Is literally millenia old and has been hanging around doing this showbiz thing for ages, just in different ways. Picked up the theater thing when it was immensely popular around Shakespeare's time. He's actually older than Lance, and despite his largely immature attitude, he's actually more emotionally stable.

☆Lance☆

-Angsty lil cinnamon bun.

-Absolutely starved for affection of any kind (Balan doesn't count), and very lonely. Will immediately doubt you/deny/contradict you if you compliment them. Will squirm and make desperation "THEY'RE TOUCHING ME. WHAT DO I DO? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. BALAN HALP." noises if you show them physical affection. Will also blush profousely.

-Plays the villain role in all the shows, and as a result almost no one likes or acknowledges them. As a whole they tend to be antisocial with very clear touch boundaries (Balan does NOT CARE). Very quiet and serious, and only speaks when absolutely necessary.

-Will NOT sugarcoat things (unless they like you, then expect sugarcoating of unimportant/trivial things). Less than stellar at the whole "emotional comfort" thing. If they like you, will hold you if you ask (especially if you're visibly upset).

-Feeds on negative emotions, meaning they have a more constant energy supply than Balan (though Balan is physically and power-wise stronger). Tends to be emotionally unstable and will get easily fed up/throw a small tantrum when they've had enough. Generally low energy and sleeps/naps often.

-Strictly They/Them pronouns. Also lacks a biological gender like Balan and can be anything they feel like being. Understands human created gender stereotypes and social norms.

-Prefers more feminine clothing. You're more likely to see casual clothes with Lance. They rarely care about other people's opinions on the matter. They prefer comfy, truly casual clothing made of soft cloth. Will always be wearing heels of some kind, though, and usually a scarf. Hair will be pulled back, typically in a messy bun or something similar.

-Does all the repairs and maintinence for the theater, including costume repair (especially if Balan's costume needs it, he will weep LOUDLY until Lance fixes the issue). Not uncommon to see them with their head in a ceiling fixing wiring, etc.

-Will absolutely melt if you stroke/run your fingers through their hair. They find it soothing, and if you pull them to you they'll fall asleep on your lap, against your shoulder, etc.

-Back tendrils are PAINFULLY sensitive, please don't touch without permission.

-Is a terrible cook in all things except desserts and sweets. They excell at all sugary treat making. Also an excellent bartender with a wide knowledge of cocktails.

-Absolute lightweight. Will get drunk off two shots, and is a weepy drunk. Tends to steer clear of drinking alcohol as a result. Enjoys Shirley Temple drinks, and can tie cherry stems into shapes with their tongue. Will cut you off if they think you've had enough booze.

-Impeccable and neat room filled with crystals, candles, incense, and lots of glow in the dark things. Their room has a purple and dark theme with small gold accents and is in general a small room with one window on the left side. Modestly sized canopy bed with plain bedding. Expect to never see this room unless they really adore you. They will know if you've so much as touched the doorknob and they WILL show up immediately to shoo you away.

-Tends to phase through the floor in a puddle of shadows, especially when trying to avoid a conversation. Will flail desperately if Balan pulls them back with his vaudeville hook.

-Lance is a light sleeper and any small sound will usually wake them up. Balan leaves them constantly sleep deprived. Sleeps curled up in a ball with their face snuggled into the comforter.

-If they find you asleep in the theater, they won't move you, but you're likely to wake up with pillows under your head and hips and a blanket tucked over you. They will also fall asleep anywhere and everywhere so if you're drowsy they'll steer you to the best napping spots (the daybed in the library is one of their favorites).

-Will throw stuff at Balan, watch your head.

-Has two sets of upper fangs, one right after the other and the second set is smaller than the first set, and one set of bottom fangs. Will rarely if ever smile, and is hesitant to be happy around you if they like you. NO ONE likes them, and if YOU like them you're the only one so they don't want to scare you off.

-They are remarkably gentle (despite being constantly cast as the villain), and tend to move more gracefully than Balan. Excellent at the Waltz and Tango, though they don't dance often.

-Eyes ALSO glow in the dark, and the pupils are slitted like a cat. They get huge and round if something catches Lance's attention.

[xofanfics]

String - Part V

Prologue | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI

Genre: angst, fluff, suggestive themes

Pairing: Baekhyun x Female Reader FT. SEHUN

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: You find yourself in a friends-with-benefits situation with your best friend. You have no business falling for him, but your heart begs to differ.

If you had to list the emotions you felt after that night, you could fill a notebook with words and phrases and maybe even some sentences. You’d start with words like anger, despair and hopelessness. You could also write words like idiot and stupid and failure. You could fill it with curses in English and in Spanish because Evie taught you how to curse like her uncle in Puerto Rico.  You could write how much you hated Baekhyun and how he was a stupid asshole who pulled you along on a string for weeks and about how selfish he was for not telling you how he felt. You could write about yourself and how everytime something good came into your life it was pulled away from you like candy from a baby. And how unfair life had been to you, that you couldn’t believe that you liked someone for the first time in a while and you seemed so close to having the perfect relationship with Baekhyun.

“Just casual sex between two people when we needed to get off, mutual entertainment!”

“You deserve someone whose heart skips a beat when you smile...like yours used to do to me...”

You’d never felt more defeated or stupid in your life. You weren’t the luckiest person in the world and you’d experienced a few heartbreaks in your life but this had to be the worst. And the worst part of this heartbreak in particular was that you weren’t even together yet this one hurt the most.

You’d poured your heart, with all its energy, into this idea of being with Baekhyun. Even though you got confirmation that Baekhyun had chosen someone else you had questions about who that person was. Who was she and where the fuck did she come from and what did she have over you? Whoever she was didn’t matter. No matter what, you hated her. Even if she was an angel sent down from the heavens above you didn’t care; you still hated her.

* Baekhyun hated himself. He never meant to hurt you or lead you on. It wasn’t an excuse, it just...happened. Things just ended up like that and he knew that everything that had happened up until this point was his own fault. He made this mess. Your feelings spilled all over the floor and he wasn’t sure how to clean it up.

As you walked away, he wanted to stop you. He wanted to apologize, to say something to you. He knew that he hurt you and he knew there were a few things in that confrontation that he could’ve left out… Like the part where he said, “You deserve someone whose heart skips a beat when you smile...like yours used to do to me…” That was stupid. Why did he say that? He was feeling attacked and, honestly he felt hurt even though he had no right to be, he took out his frustrations on you. In the moment, he wanted to hurt you like you were hurting him.

He fucked up and he knew that there was no way you’d ever forgive him. He was drunk and he knew it was no excuse for how he behaved or the things he said that he couldn’t take back but he regretted it all.

He dragged himself back to that bar, mostly just to get his wallet from the table. Part of him wondered if you’d go back to the bar and drink more but he knew that you wouldn’t. When you needed space, you walked around. And he knew that you probably never wanted to see his face again. So he knew that when he got there you wouldn’t be.

As he walked into the bar, you were nowhere in sight. His friends were at the table and looked up as he approached.

“Where’s Y/N?” asked Evie.

“We had a fight and now she hates me,” Baekhyun said, putting his wallet in his pocket.

“Jesus, Baekhyun,” she said, standing up and grabbing her phone. “If you didn’t want to be her boyfriend, fine, but the least you could’ve done was be her fucking friend!”

Evie stormed off, leaving a very angry and uncomfortable aura, Sadie running behind her. Baekhyun sat down next to Daren and Drew quietly. “Well now Evie hates me, too.” Baekhyun picked up the beer that Evie didn’t finish and took a gulp from it. “Cheers.”

Drew watched with confused brows. “What the hell just happened?” * Baekhyun woke up without a hangover thanks to his friends encouraging him to drink water instead of buying another drink to deal with his problems. He told them everything that happened, sometimes giving a little too much information, from when the time Baekhyun first had sex with you up to meeting Kira again to the argument he’d had with you. There was a point where he even cried a little. They didn’t judge him too much but they did tell him that he should’ve told you sooner, when he started having doubts. But he already knew that.

He woke up and reached for his phone. He checked desperately for a message from you but he didn’t find it. His friends tried to stop him from calling and texting you and he supposed it was a good idea. If anything, the conversation might go a little better if you were sober.

He sighed and went into the kitchen for some water. Last night’s events replayed in his head, making him feel even worse than he already did as he poured water into a glass. He took a huge gulp in the hopes that he’d wash those negative feelings away. Unfortunately, it didn’t. He couldn’t take last night back and he was still an asshole.

He retreated back into his room and plopped on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. He had a million things he wanted to say to you but he didn’t know how angry at him you were. His phone vibrated and he picked it up to find a text from Kira but not you.

Kira [11:03AM] : Good morning! Hope you slept okay. How was boys’ night?

[11:03AM] : Morning! No hangover, so that’s good :)

He picked up his phone again, clicking on your contact name to call you. The phone rang and rang. He called two more times but you didn’t answer. The third time, he decided to text you instead. Maybe you’d respond to a text instead of a phone call. He’d rather you at least read what he had to say, if anything, even if you didn’t respond.

[11:11AM] : Y/N, I’m sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you. I know that I can’t take back the things I said last night but some of it, I didn’t mean. I was getting upset and I said all the wrong things. I just want to talk to you when we’re sober. Can we please talk things over? * Even two weeks later, you still found your thoughts being invaded by Baekhyun. You’d ignored his texts, opting to read the previews instead. He left you a voicemail the other day that you hadn’t listened to because you didn’t want anything to do with him. You wanted him to be erased from your life. What was worse is that you still liked him. Your heart still dropped every time you got a notification from him and you couldn’t stand him unknowingly having this much power over you.

You spent the past two weeks avoiding Baekhyun like the plague. Thankfully you didn’t have classes with him this semester so the chances of running into him on campus was low. To further prevent any run-ins with him, you avoided the cafeteria and the library and the campus bookstore. Most importantly, you avoided the pool because you knew that Baekhyun liked to use the pool and you avoided the gym just in case he’d decide to go there.

You even avoided your friends a little, always careful to confirm whether or not Baekhyun would be there. And when you decided to hangout with the girls, you made sure it was away from campus or at your apartment.

The last time you saw them Evie said, “He’s really sorry, Y/N. I’m not saying this because I’m taking sides. I’m just saying that maybe you should at least hear what he has to say…”

And you ignored her because you didn’t want to. Hell, you didn’t need Baekhyun, period. You didn’t care what he had to say. Or maybe that was just what you had decided to convince yourself for the time being.

You didn’t feel like spending another Saturday alone with your thoughts. You didn’t want to hang out with your friends from school so you started thinking about other people you could hang out with. For a second, you thought of Sehun. You shook your head, pushing the thought of him away. It had been a month, if not more, since you met him. Would he even remember you? Would he text you back if you texted him right now? What if he was busy? You picked your phone up, deciding that it was worth a shot.

[4:26PM] : Hey, it’s Y/N. Are you free today?

Upon sending it, you almost wished you hadn’t. There was no way he’d respond. It had been so long since you even saw him last. You put the phone down, deciding to do something else instead of stressing out over a text you probably wouldn’t get. You decided to make a cup of tea to ease your mind. You waited for the water in the kettle to boil, staring at the kitchen counter mindlessly. Your thoughts shifted back to Baekhyun but you decided that you spent enough time thinking about him when he was clearly seeing someone else. You sighed and poured the boiled water into your black tea. Enough was enough, you decided, putting your mug on your nightstand.

You glanced at your phone for a few seconds before you looked away, toward your TV. A moment later, you looked at the phone again. You had a staring contest with your phone until you couldn’t take it anymore and gave into temptation, picking up the phone. What you didn’t expect to see was a text message from Sehun.

Sehun [4:29PM] : Only if you’re kind of single ;)

You chuckled at his reply. He was so petty.

[4:35PM] : Definitely single now lol.

Sehun [4:37PM] : You’re in Brooklyn, right? How quickly can you get ready?

* You found yourself walking down a colorful Williamsburg street to meet Sehun. You felt nervous and excited at the same time. You felt bad for taking this long to contact him and you were honestly surprised that he even wrote you back at all. When you texted him, you didn’t even expect a text back. Sehun must’ve been very interested in you to put up with something like that. Because if it had been you, the feeling wouldn’t have been the same.

You were excited because you had finally stopped moping around about Baekhyun. You’d be lying to yourself if you said that you still weren’t upset. But enough was enough. There was no reason for you to stay in this Saturday being bored and miserable by yourself. Why not spend time with a man who had shown initiative and appreciated your company.

You found Sehun on a bench outside the bar. He wasn’t paying attention when you were crossing the street, so you saw him before he saw you. He was scrolling on his phone, his leg crossed over the other. As you approached him, he looked up. Seeing you, he smiled.

“Hey,” you said.

He stood up. “Hey...I thought we could grab a drink and talk a little before dinner. There’s this place around the corner I heard is really good.”

You smiled. “Lead the way.”

And with that, he opened the door for the bar. For a Saturday, the bar wasn’t as crowded as it could be. Sehun took a seat at the bar and you sat down next to him. Sehun grabbed the drink menu and handed it to you.

He said, “What kind of drinks do you like?”

With a hum, you replied, “Something a little sweet but not too sweet. What about you?”

“Something strong.”

“That sounds about right.”

The bartender came over with two glasses of water. “Right now, we have a special deal going on. It’s buy one, get one free for select drinks on this menu.” He put a small piece of paper between you, listing all the drinks that were eligible for the deal.

“Will we get drunk?” you asked, glancing at the drinks.

The bartender winked. “I make a pretty strong mojito…” * You felt like a bird being freed from its cage, finally able to set your wings to fly toward a more achievable future. The dreams you’d had of Baekhyun seemed more like a far off memory. Was this what you needed all along? To just forget about him and to focus on yourself? You felt better than you had in weeks. And even though you were on your second drink, you didn’t feel like it mattered.

Sehun didn’t ask about why you didn’t call or text him before. He could’ve asked about it but he chose not to. Maybe he didn’t care. Maybe he was happy that you’d even texted him before. If you’d been in his shoes, you would’ve been upset about it. You would’ve wondered what you did wrong and if he was even interested in the first place or worse, you would’ve thought that he was playing with you like a video game hooked up to his TV. But no, Sehun kept it simple and you appreciated it.

The more you talked to Sehun, the more you realized you had in common. It was just like the first time you met him in the bar where you talked about any and everything. You noticed small things about him the more you spoke. He nodded often when you were talking and he folded his hands together on the table in between the sips of his mojito. He was the type of person who got distracted easily, glancing every time someone walked in or out of the bar.

You learned that he graduated from Pratt Institute with a degree in video production. He loved cameras and all the things that they could do. He could see the beauty in a photo, in a video, that others couldn’t. Sehun showed you some of the pictures and videos he’d taken. You thought it was amazing that he was so passionate about it and that he talked with such enthusiasm.

Sehun smiled at you. “You know, I had to force myself to go talk to you that day…” He chuckled. “I felt like I was fighting with myself. I thought to myself ‘You have nothing to lose, go talk to her!’ And eventually I did.”

You returned his smile. “What made you want to talk to me?”

“You just looked like you weren’t having a good time...You know, one of those nights where your friends drag you out with them when, in reality, you’d rather be at home watching Netflix. You looked like that. You were frowning like this.” He imitated you, poking his lips out in a pout.

“I don’t pout like that!” you said nudging him.

He laughed and, a second later, so did you. “I’m actually pretty shy...but I don’t know, I feel like I don’t have to be shy around you.”

You felt your stomach grumble. The two of you had been so caught up in the drinks and conversation that you’d completely forgotten about eating. “Not to cut you off but are you starting to get hungry?”

His eyes widened. “Shit, I’m sorry. Yeah, let’s get food.”

Sehun quickly paid the bill and it wasn’t long before you were leaving the bar. Sehun lead the way. “There’s this pizza place that’s not too far away but it’s much better than those dollar slices, I promise.”

“So basically fancy pizza?”

“Pretty much.” * The pizza was amazing and so was Sehun. You hadn’t felt this connected to someone in a while. Sehun wasn’t as loud or outgoing as Baekhyun but you liked that about him. The two of you seemed to balance each other out. But the best part was that the conversation never got boring and you never felt the need to escape as you had with other guys you’d tried dating before. It was refreshing to go out with him. It felt new and spontaneous.

You’d just gotten off of the train. Sehun insisted that he take you home. He said, “There are a lot of strange people outside. I want to make sure you get home safe.” So, here he was. You were a couple blocks away from your building.

You said, “I had a really good time tonight…”

“Me too,” he said. “I’m glad you texted me. I didn’t think you would.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Things were complicated back then,” you said. Then, you let out a sigh. “You probably think I’m an asshole.”

“I don’t think you’re an asshole. When you gave me your number, I knew things were complicated,” he replied. “Did you figure everything out?”

You nodded. “I think so.”

“That’s good,” he said, looking both ways before crossing the street. There was a moment of silence; the only thing you could hear were your shoes hitting the pavement.

“What’s your intention?” you asked, with your eyebrows raised. Though Sehun was a nice guy you wanted to know what he was trying to do with you. Before you got too invested, it was better to ask now rather than later. It was a valid question, right?

Sehun stopped on the corner. “I’m not trying to go with you up to your apartment if that’s what you’re asking me...I wanna take things slow, get to know you first. If it works out between us, I would want to date. I’m more of a relationship person. I don’t like sleeping around.” You nodded, mulling it over. No one had ever approached you like this. Men either definitely wanted to fuck or definitely wanted to date. And Sehun seemed to be closer to wanting to date. “Besides, I think you deserve way more than just some guy who only wants to fuck you.”

The last thing he said stuck with you. It seemed like that sentence would remain with you, sticking to you like glue. Sehun always seemed to say something that made you question yourself and wonder what the hell you were doing. It almost seemed as if Sehun knew about your situation with Baekhyun, though it was obviously just a coincidence.

You approached your building and came to a stop at the door. “Thank you for taking me home.”

Sehun nodded. “It’s one in the morning. You shouldn’t be alone. This street is too dark.”

You smiled, a nervous feeling bubbling up in your core. “We should hang out again.”

“Are you free this week?”

“Yeah. I don’t have anything planned on Friday.”

The corners of his mouth went up into a grin. “Sounds good.”

“Goodnight, Sehun.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

Sehun waved as you walked into your building, disappearing through the front door. He hoped that this worked out because, like you, he hadn’t felt like this about someone in a long time. And he had a good feeling about you.

You took a shower when you got upstairs, washing away the sweat and dirt from a pretty hot day. When you got out, you laid on the bed in your towel. You picked up and found that Baekhyun had replied to your Instagram story photo that you’d taken of the pizza. At the time, you felt like being petty so you made sure you got Sehun’s watch in the shot. You wanted him to know that you were moving on, that you were capable of having a love life. He commented with heart eye emojis and you knew it was his way of making his presence know, of trying to slide back into your life somehow.

You sighed, annoyed that you’d come home from such a good date and then Baekhyun had to ruin it. You hadn’t really thought about him tonight, aside from when you posted on Instagram, and he popped in to remind you that there were still some unresolved issues. You knew that you couldn’t run from him forever. Your friends understood that you were upset but they thought you should hear him out, at least, to get closure and move on.

You decided to listen to the voicemail Baekhyun left you. Maybe it would give you the closure you needed.

“Y/N...I know you’re ignoring me so I figured this is the best way to talk to you. First of all, I wanted to say that I’m sorry...for the things I said to you that night. I was harsh and I was being a coward, waiting until I was drunk to tell you the truth. It was something only an asshole would do so, uh, I guess that makes me an asshole. I’m sorry for leading you on for all this time. I just want you to know—and I don’t know if you’ll believe this or not—that I had every intention of dating you officially when I came back from Korea. It’s just recently I realized that I have feelings for someone else. And I’m sorry that I avoided talking about it and that it hurt you. Most importantly, I’m sorry for hurting you. I consider you a close friend and I ruined things between us. I’m sorry, Y/N. You don’t have to forgive me and we don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. I just hope that one day we can at least be friends. Um, take care, Y/N…”

If anything, this voicemail made your feelings more complicated.

***

Tag List: @shesdreaminginoverdose​ @multistania​ @jeonchan26​ @myonlyaurora​ @keloiu​ @xxluckydreamsxx​ @multifandomeras​ @blanknearvana​ @jddcfc-blog​ @jummyjammy​ @mintaemark​ @kokobyunee​ @fortheloveofinfinite​ @littleflowercrown13​ @wayvexo​

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[revengeisourlullaby]

Hi I just read “everything happens for a reason” (loved it btw) I was wondering if you could make a sequel to it? Y/N is still try to get over her break up with Thor and Loki reassures her that she is more than enough for him. It would be more vanilla though. (Sorry that this is so long🥺)

it’s not long at all, don’t worry! i was actually contemplating about making a sequel to it. so i already have smth in the works! i’ll have it done probably by the end of the week :))

edit: I’m so sorry for this being so late!! I know I said a week and then my life went up in chaos. Forgive me for my untimely posting. Regardless, here is the sequel to the Loki fic, Everything Happens For a Reason. Hope you enjoy! 

Warnings: None. Just fluffy Loki

Loki x female!reader

Word count: 2.3K

You awoke to the pitter-patter of the New York rain falling against the window yet again. You thought the worst of it happened yesterday while you were running away from your problems. Speaking of problems, the last thing you wanted was to go back home. Even though it wouldn’t be until later this evening, you felt that your apartment was forever tainted with the betrayal you witnessed. Going back in there would be like playing a broken record. Forever stuck in the limbo of what was.

Rubbing the sleep from your eyes you rolled over to feel for Loki, but instead, you were met with room temperature sheets, another body vacant from the bed. Your stomach sank. Had Loki lied? It wouldn’t be beside him but with you, he was so transparent. It felt like cigarettes were being put out all over your skin, your nerves were fired up in all the wrong ways. You sat up in the bed and pulled the sheets up to your chest along with your knees. You felt your body become lethargic.

Am I worth anything to anybody? Am I really that disposable?

Hot, stinging tears began to fall from your eyes. Self-doubt and deprecating thoughts filling your brain. Perpetual questions of wondering your worth not only in romantic fashion but just in life came to be the spearhead of your worries. Everything felt intrusive and counterfeit. Maybe he saw you as easy and knew you would give up easily to him in your state of vulnerability. You just wanted somebody to be appreciative of you.

Maybe he and his brother weren’t cut from that different of a cloth. Sliding out of the bed you went to put on your clothes from the night before in hopes of getting out of the hotel without too much trouble. But when you bent over to pick your jeans up from the floor they were damp and cold and it made you feel even worse. Your hoodie was in a similar condition and to top it off, you couldn’t find your underwear to save your life. You groaned out loud and felt trapped in this opulent room and everywhere you looked was a painful reminder of everything bitter and vile.

You climbed back in bed and decided to just wait for your clothes to finish drying up. Unsure of when that would be because the rain outside was creating a thin layer of humidity in the room. Sighing you curled into the fetal position and held onto an extra pillow hoping that it would provide you with some semblance of comfort. Your tears started up again and there was a pain beginning to build in your stomach. You wanted to scream. You wanted to release yourself of all the negative energy that was boiling within you. Clutching the extra pillow to your face you let out a wail that you had been holding in for far too long. All the pent-up energy from yesterday of trying to hold your own against the perfidy Thor presented you with and now you were struggling with the concept of Loki using you and your vulnerability for a cheap fuck. You were curled up in a hotel room, naked and crying about everything. You felt pathetic. You just wanted to sleep forever. 

With the last sniffle leaving your body you took a deep breath and shuddered into your body. Your breathing labored and shallow, you tried to calm yourself down in hopes of falling back asleep. But those hopes were dilapidated when you heard the hotel room door click open. You thought about faking sleep but the idea of faking anything took up too much space to even think about carrying out. So you opted to just lie still and wait for anything to be said to you. Maybe it was just one of the housekeeping people and they would leave upon seeing someone still in the room.

“Y/N, you up yet?”

Housekeeping would’ve been too easy wouldn’t it?

Sighing you meekly responded to Loki, tears and sorrow welling up in your eyes and throat once more.

“Yeah, been up for a little while.”

He caught on to it immediately. Your position in the bed, the lack of tone in your voice. He knew he should’ve waited but he thought a surprise of something would lift your spirits even more. Time was simply not on his side and you arose long before he anticipated. Making his best judgment at the situation he was debating which road of sentiment he should walk down. He didn’t want to make things worse for you.

Loki set down a bag, the crinkling catching your attention and you looked over your shoulder to see where he was. 

He went to get food? He hadn’t skipped at all?

“Surprise.”

Instantly you were filled with regret, upset with yourself for jumping to conclusions about the situation at hand. You couldn’t help it though, your ability to have trust within someone else was smeared, and regardless of Loki’s reassuring words the night prior, the pain had yet to subside. Upon seeing your face, Loki saw the residual puffiness in your face and how the tip of your nose was heated and slightly swollen from your crying before he walked in. 

“I’m sorry, Loki.”

Was all you could muster, wordwise. You sat yourself up in the bed and wiped the residue of tears from your face trying to make yourself appear as normal as possible. Wrapping the sheet tightly around you, you finally faced him. Loki stepping lightly to the edge of the bed. 

“Did you think I left...for good?”

You rolled your heads towards him, cynicism clear on your face. A bit of sarcasm was thrown into the mix but it was all a guise to somewhat shield him from the pain and embarrassment you were feeling. Looking at the wall in front of you, a dry response left your lips.

“Yes. What else was I supposed to think? My mind was running through all the possible reasons as to why you left. And the one that kept nagging was the idea that my vulnerability yesterday was used to an advantage other than my own.”

Sadness no longer colored your emotions but rather numbness. You weren’t sure what to feel. You wanted to trust Loki and you believed that you could but time was definitely needed. With another sigh, you continued.

“And then you walk in here with bags of stuff and I look like a fool for being so dramatic in nature.”

“Well that’s nothing new for us now is it?”

Loki’s quip back at you had your eyes narrowing into thin slits but again was quickly washed away because something about him made the circumstances seem not so perilous. You bowed your head, feeling that you had said enough. In place, Loki’s voice filled the silence.

“My intention was for you to still be asleep by the time I returned. You seemed so peaceful. The last thing I wanted was to wake you from that state of rest. I figured I’d be back in time to properly surprise you with some gifts.”

You smiled a bit, feeling the angst start to fade away, but quickly to feel it fade into guilt. But you weren’t allowed to stew in it for too long, for Loki standing up from the bed caught your attention distracting you from your thoughts.

“Before it gets cold, I got us some breakfast. And..”

His sentence trailing off into a strain as he bent over to the side of the desk in the front of a room to pull out yet another bag.

“I picked you up some clothes to wear for today. Figured wearing the ones from this past evening was morally and aesthetically dull and trudging back to your apartment would be in poor judgment. It’s not much but enough for the day and for our date this evening.”

Your eyebrows shot up into your hairline completely forgetting about what you agreed to with Loki during your session of pillow talk while you were drifting in and out of sleep. 

He really meant that? Wow, okay.”

“Oh come now, you hadn’t forgotten already had you?”

Loki was mocking you now. Fully aware that by your initial reaction you had forgotten. 

“Look, in my defense, I was drifting off to sleep.”

“Mhmm, sure Y/N.”

Setting the bag in between the two of you on the bed, Loki looked at you, eyes urging you to dig in the bag.

“You happen to have another shirt I can throw on before I start eating? My hoodie is still damp and-”

Loki reached into the bag full of clothes and pulled out an oversized graphic tee cutting your sentence off and holding it out in front of your face.

“Thank you.”

You were genuinely surprised and grateful. It was such a simple act but the fact that Loki went out of his way to get you clothes and food following a night of such intensity made you feel warm and finally appreciated. Something you hadn’t felt with previous relationships, especially with your last. Taking the shirt from him, you looked for the tag and pulled it out with your teeth.

“Animal.”

Loki side-eyed you, his comment made obviously in somewhat of jest. You chuckled and wormed your way into the shirt. Once pulling it over your head you finally dug into the paper bag that was still surprisingly warm despite the time that had gone by. The smell of a breakfast sandwich filling your nose and your stomach growled in response, eager to be fed. Loki made a sarcastic remark but you couldn’t be bothered with responding the second you placed the sandwich to your lips. 

The satisfaction of the food also gnawing away the ritual morning agitation you were always burdened with. Nothing but soft smacks and soft moans of enjoying your food filled the space. A sign that obviously, the food was worthwhile. Loki had looked at you eyebrow raised and chuckled to himself watching you be completely lost in the sandwich.

“If I would’ve known you’d be tearing the sandwich up like that I would’ve purchased three.”

Your eyes rolled and simultaneously you were thinking about how he got all this stuff in the first place. Mouth still full with food, your speech a little muffled.

“Speaking of purchase, how’d you buy all this anyway.”

“Mischief always finds its way, darling.”

“I think the word is pronounced thievery, Loki.”

“Same difference.”

It’s almost as if all the trauma that you suffered through yesterday had never happened. Being with Loki and the playful banter that was his character made everything feel at ease. You felt happy, actually and most importantly you didn’t feel guilty for it. Was the timing a little brisk? Perhaps, but in the end, what really mattered was your happiness and right now it felt that you had found it. 

Finishing up with your sandwich you balled up the wrapping and threw it back into the bag. Standing up from the bed you excused yourself to go to the bathroom. Turning on the light you saw a plethora of toiletry products that you hadn’t brought. A toothbrush, toothpaste, body wash, lotion, a few makeup products that you knew were picked up in pure confusion, and some leave in for your hair. Your eyes widened and you let out a belly laugh.

“Jesus Loki, did you raid the fuckin Walgreens on the corner.”

“Hey if you don’t want it, with the flick of my wrist it will vanish. Choose your next words wisely.”

You knew he was playing and you decided one last epigram would satisfy your bratty nature. Peeking your head out from the bathroom, you bowed in a dramatic courtesy.

“Thank you my king for so valiantly stealing all the toiletries from our nearest corner store. My gratitude is eternal. Like that?”

“You’re impossible.”

Walking back to Loki, you stood between his legs and raked your fingers through his slicked-back hair. A softness took over your features, appearing small and doe-like to Loki as he looked up at you.

“Thank you, Loki, really. I know we bust each other’s balls but I really appreciate you. I can already foresee how tightly I’m going to be wrapped around your finger. You already have me falling for you at a speed that is impractical to calculate.”

“My Y/N.”

Hearing the adoration layered in his tone made your heart warm and the possession of your name falling from his mouth made your body shiver. Realizing how quickly you could get used to this.

“Now you’ll finally see what it’s like to be on the receiving end. Ever since we stumbled upon each other I was enamored with you. I couldn’t bear to see you with another and that another being none other than my brother was like a fiery blade that I had no power of removing. When I fell for you I knew I was irrevocably destined to be yours. Regardless of the circumstance. And now, if you are willing to take my hand in this journey I would like to make you mine.”

You pressed your lips together in a firm smile before showing your teeth, feeling overwhelmed with reverence for the man in front of you.

“I’d be more than happy to accompany you. Even more so for this evening.”

Loki lightly smiled and then leaned up to press a gentle kiss to your lips. The air light and emanating the tender yet sardonic romance that was beginning to brew between your long-lost lover.

[rhinkthreeways]

Manbun (angsty version)

This is a Never Met Before Au, college!rhink with a twist. 

(drug use mentioned briefly)

(note: Aspen is Rhett, he’s just changed his name because this Rhett totally would...)

---

From the first moment, Link laid eyes on his college roommate he hated the guy with a fiery passion. Everything about Aspen—who the hell named their child Aspen?!—made Link either roll his eyes or brought his blood to a simmering boil.

Link considered himself a modern man. He’d grown up in the South, yes, but he was educated and open-minded. Even though someone might consider him a bit high-strung, he’d had a nice, little group of friends in high school and had even moved to L.A. to pursue a degree in film studies. Not an intolerant red-neck hick by anyone’s standards. But Aspen was way more than he could handle. 

It was clear from the beginning, that they were different. The other side of the room was filled with all kinds of new-age stuff—crystals, amulets, dream catchers, and psychedelic tapestries. The first night they shared the room, Aspen lit a wooden stick that made the whole room smell like something that to Link was a gag-inducing mix of old socks and something sickly sweet. When Link politely asked him to put it out, his roommate refused on the grounds that he needed to “purify” the room from the energies of the previous residents. After a heated argument, Link spent his first night as a college student on the common room couch.  

Their shared existence got even worse from then on. Link had no idea what Aspen was studying since it seemed that he didn’t own any textbooks. He was practically always in their room. Link asked him once whether he attended any lectures and was accosted with a half-an-hour monologue about the beauty of independent study and self-discovery and college being first and foremost a social experience. And Aspen was definitely social; he had a group of like-minded friends he had over almost every night. They listened to music—not that Link would call it music; it was more like chest-pounding beats and incomprehensible mumbling and chants—and more often than not, got high. After a couple of what Aspen called “bursts of negative energy he could help Link get rid of if Link just let him cleanse his heart chakra”, Link invested into a nice pair of noise-canceling headphones and tried to spend most of his nights in the library or in a cafe.  

The worst part, by a long shot, was how Aspen looked. He was impossibly tall, a head taller than Link and Link wasn’t exactly a pip-squeak himself. He had bushy eyebrows and mossy-green eyes that always looked at Link with rage-inducing amusement. His long, curly hair was usually pulled on top of his head into a man bun, and he was clearly trying to grow a beard—with not that much success. And his wardrobe? When he left the room he wore tie-dyed shirts and weird loose pants made of colorful, shiny fabrics. He wrapped multiple scarfs around his neck, explaining something about color energies and mood-altering fabrics. His wrists were heavy with bands and woven bracelets and one of his ears was pierced in three places. Inside their room, he opted for something more low-key. When he didn’t parade around the room naked—those were the worst days for poor Link—he wore tight, black boxer briefs and extra-large t-shirts he’d “customized” by ripping them so that they barely covered anything. 

Everything about Aspen made Link uncomfortable. And he thought that things couldn’t get any worse. Until the day when he got back to the dorm from a sit-down with a professor about the essay he’d written. 

Link burst into the room, threw his bag on the floor, and himself on his bed, burrowing his head under his pillow. For once, Aspen was alone in the room even though it was a Friday night.  

“I’m sensing a lot of negative energy radiating from you, Charles,” Aspen noted after a couple of minutes. Link groaned.

“Leave me alone,” he mumbled, without moving the pillow.

“I simply can’t do that. You know how susceptible I am to other people’s moods.”

Link’s disappointment and embarrassment morphed into anger—an easy switch when in the presence of his nut-job roommate. 

“You know what?!” Link snapped, throwing the pillow on the floor and sitting up. “I am not responsible for your feelings! I can be upset. I can feel whatever the fuck I want to feel and it’s not my job to manage my moods to your benefit!”

Aspen rose slowly from his own bed. 

“I simply meant—” he started.

“I simply meant.” Link repeated in a mocking voice. “I know what you simply meant. Relax, Charles. Take a breath, Charles. Have a pot brownie, Charles, live a little!”

Now he was up, standing in the middle of their small room, yelling. “I don’t need to relax! I feel just fucking fine. You need to get a grip! You just lounge here all day long with your buddies and alter your mind as if nothing you do has consequences. And you think, I have to reel in my negative feelings so that you’re not inconvenienced?!”

Aspen’s eyes grew wider and wider as Link spewed out every thought that had plagued him ever since they started college.

“I’ve had enough of this shit! I am a good person! You look at me like I’m the freak! But I am a normal, goddamn person. I am respectful and punctual and dutiful and kind. And I am more than devoted to my studies! I am a fucking model student for Christ’s sake! And he said I have no soul!”

Link drew in a ragged breath and stared at Aspen in horror. He hadn’t actually meant to say that last bit.

“What?” Aspen asked hesitantly. Link’s head dropped between his shoulders and he slammed his palms over his eyes, trying desperately to push back the tears that threatened to overflow.

“H-he said— Professor McIntyre s-said my essay had no soul. That I sounded like a textbook. That I was boring and robotic. But I-I’ve— Fuck!” There was no stopping the tears anymore. A pathetic, whimpering sob wracked Link’s body and he almost felt nauseous from the embarrassment.

“Hey,” Aspen’s low voice said from much closer than Link had anticipated. Long, surprisingly strong arms wrapped around Link and guided his pliant, trembling body to sit on the bed. Link couldn’t help himself. Aspen was so warm. So big and solid. Link curled up in his arms, wrapping himself around him and cried his frustration into his ripped t-shirt. Aspen pet his hair slowly for a little while. Then he slipped his finger under Link’s chin and lifted it so he could look right into Link’s teary eyes.

“I don’t think you’re boring. Far from it. I think you’re fascinating. I think you’re smart and funny—in a kind of sarcastic way. I do think you are a bit reserved, but that’s fine. Not everyone has to be the life of the party. You’re perfect just the way you are.”

Link stared at him, stared at the kind and earnest eyes and something shifted inside him. Without thinking about it, he reached up and pressed his lips softly against Aspen’s. After a moment of pure terror, thinking that he was about to be rejected, Link felt Aspen’s mouth open slightly in invitation. Link’s tongue slipped past his own lips, tasting Aspen’s berry lip balm before meeting his tongue with a sweeping brush. There was a low moan. Link wasn’t sure which one of them had made it, but he didn’t care. His hand rose to Aspen’s hair, pulling off the hair-band that was holding his bun together. Aspen’s hair billowed around his face and Link threaded his fingers into it, tugging him closer.

“Can’t deal with this goddamn bun of yours,” he whispered breathlessly against Aspen’s lips. “It’s been driving me insane ever since we met.”

“I’ll cut it off if it means I get to keep kissing you,” Aspen answered, voice just as affected, his palm sneaking under Link’s shirt and palming his bare back.

“Please, don’t,” Link muttered, before diving into another kiss, this one more heated.

[sleephyjhs]

You Come Out as Bisexual (Reaction)

[ requested / masterlist ]

a/n :: i’ve watched many coming out videos and have asked people who have come out themselves about their experience, but as this is something i’ve never done, i apologise if it seems unrealistic or reaching at some points.

KSJ

You’d spent the whole week figuring out how you were going to tell Seokjin, your best friend of many years, that you were bisexual. For the first time after months of different partners and experiences, you finally felt comfortable in the identity you had decided for yourself. Now that your parents were out of the way, the next person was Seokjin.

All in all, Jin was a very open and accepting person. No matter what you had to tell him before, he always seemed to take it better than you expected. Despite your certainty he would be just fine with your determined sexuality, a small fragment of you couldn’t help but worry.

You chose the car as the place to break it to him. Although there were thousands of better locations to come out, you worked out that a moving car lowered tb e possibility of him being able to walk out on you.

After a selection of karaoke songs and still a decent half hour to your destination, you turned down the volume to get his attention, “There’s something I want to tell you, Jin,” he raised his eyebrows without saying a thing to let you know he was all ears, “I’m bisexual.”

There was a brief pause between your words and his response; a pause that felt like forever, “Okay.”

“That’s it? Okay?”

“Well, your sexuality doesn’t negatively impact me or anybody else so there’s nothing for me to be mad about. But hopefully, you’re happier knowing more about yourself and your identity than you perhaps did before. And so I’m happy for you.” Seokjin flashed you a smile. Your eyes couldn’t help but become watery at his interesting but accepting reply to your news. Thanking him would never do your relief justice.

MYG

You knew well that Yoongi’s schedule was packed to the brim. He’d hardly come home in the past week. Sleeping at the studio every other night had become his routine.

Tonight, however, he’d assured you that he would be there to spend what little time he had with you. What he didn’t know is that you were preparing to tell him a secret you’d kept to yourself for a while now.

After three years of dating, you should have known you could have told Yoongi anything. But for some reason, announcing your sexuality to him felt a thousand times more difficult. You’d never seen him properly angry and your biggest fear was that tonight would be the first time.

You gave Yoongi a little while to settle down after coming home. Eating together wasn’t something you were able to do often, so you took your time to enjoy it while it lasted, “Can I talk to you about something?”

He nodded aimlessly, still chewing the last few strips of beef, “I’ve been thinking about this for some time, I just hope it doesn’t change anything between us,” You started, which caught his definite attention. Yoongi held your stare as you spluttered, “Yoongi, I’m bisexual.”

You watched with sullen eyes as his face fell to the table. Was he just processing your words, or was he reconsidering your entire relationship? It wasn’t unusual for Yoongi to fall silent at times, but sudden anxiety couldn’t help but fill your mind, “So I’ve got twice the competition now?”

Yoongi raised his eyes again to reveal a gummy smile, “This changes nothing, Jagi. I’m glad you felt able to tell me though.” He reached out for your shaky hand, brushing his thumb over your knuckles, “I’m happy you can trust me.”

JHS

Throughout your vacation with Hoseok, you couldn’t help but wonder when the best time to break your news to him was. Actually, you wondered if there was a best time. You had no doubt he would be accepting regardless, but a small part of you couldn’t help but worry.

On the morning of your last day at the villa, you made your way down to the kitchen where Hoseok had already prepared you a breakfast for the day ahead of you, “Good morning lovely, did you sleep well?” His beaming greeting couldn’t lower your anxiety that you awoke with. You simply nodded at his question and slid onto a barstool, “Are you alright?”

“Actually,” you began, fiddling with your nails, “there’s something I want to talk to you about.” Hoseok widened his eyes and slipped onto the seat opposite you, placing the last bowl of fruit in between you.

“I’m all ears, what’s wrong?”

You took a final deep breath, “Hoseok, I think I’m bisexual. I’ve been wondering whether to tell you or not because I’ve been scared of your reaction but-“ Despite your deep breath, you couldn’t stop pent up tears from rolling down your cheeks.

“No, jagi,” Hobi cooed, rushing around the island to comfort you, “you didn’t have to be scared, everything’s alright! How long have you kept it from me?”

He wiped away your tears with his sleeve, “A few months. I just didn’t want you to think I wanted to break up or anything-“

“I don’t think that at all. I’m happy that you’re able to understand yourself better now.” He placed a kiss on your forehead, and handed you the spoon he laid on the counter for you, “Come in, let’s eat something. There’s a long day ahead honey.”

KNJ

Namjoon had always been the person you relied on for your advice. Even the worst situations you had found yourself in could seemingly be answered by him. You texted him to alert him you had a new dilemma, and within minutes he’d invited you to your local coffee shop.

In half an hour, you made your way to the meeting place, only to find Namjoon sat at a table at the back with his order and yours before him. Since you could see a few pale sugar sachets on the table, you made your way over to him, not forgetting to brace yourself to receive his advice.

After a couple minutes of smiley greetings, Namjoon asked you to elaborate on what was playing on your mind, “How would you go about telling your parents something important without being cheesy?”

He stared at you blankly for a few seconds and proceeded to drop his chin slightly, “Oh my, you’re pregnant.”

“What? No, God no. I’ve been meaning to come out as bisexual for a while now-“ you paused mid-sentence, realising swiftly that you hadn’t meant to blurt the last part to him.

Avoiding his eye contact was difficult, so you instead faced your twiddling thumbs which laid softly in your lap, “You didn’t mean to tell me that just now, did you?” All hopes you had that Namjoon hadn’t heard you melted. Now all you had to do was face his criticism.

You shook your head in response to his inference, “I forgot that you didn’t already know. I’m sorry if it’s upset you.”

“Why would it upset me? It’s your love life, not mine. I’m glad you’ve been able to come to terms with it.” A smile spread from dimple to dimple as he took another sip of his americano, “All it means is you’re now officially getting more action than me.”

Regardless of how much of a good friend he was to you, a playful punch to the shoulder couldn’t be helped.

PJM

Ever since you were little, you had considered your twin brother, Jimin, to be your best friend. Eventually, the two of you came to share everything that happened in your person life. This time, however, it took you more time than usual.

Jimin was the last person in your life that you hadn’t opened up to about your sexuality. Many years had been spent coming to terms with a part of you that had caused too many sleepless nights, and now that you’d found your solution, you wanted to share it with him.

The last concert of their Seoul series had come to an end, and the day before, Jimin had provided you with backstage passes to hang out afterwards. To beat the rush of adrenaline-filled fans, you headed out during their ending ments to be able to greet them as they came back.

“You made it!” Your attention was drawn away from your phone by the excited greeting deliver red by your brother. He jogged over to you with the little energy he had left and embraced you tightly, “I missed you!”

“I missed you too,” you laughed into his ear, before going to congratulate the rest of the members for completing their tour successfully. You tried to distract yourself from what you were really there to do, but it didn’t work, “Is there a place I can talk to you? Alone?”

Jimin guided you into a smaller vanity room and closed the door behind you, “What’s up? Did something happen?”

You shook your head, “No. There’s something I’ve told a lot of other people but I haven’t been able to tell you. I wanted to do it in person-“

Jimin raised his eyebrows as his eyes hollowed in concern for his sibling, “I’m bisexual.” In light of your news, Jimin leaned back and sighed in relief.

“You had me so worried for a second! Ahh I’m so happy for you!” Being the cuddly brother he was, Jimin couldnt resist bouncing from the sofa and embracing you, not forgetting to comfort you meanwhile.

KTH

When you both had enough troubles, you and your boyfriend, Taehyung, would retreat to the bedroom to share with one another and come to your own solutions. His intentive listening and soft spoken easily made you feel at easy, and so you picked this time to tell him your newest trouble.

Sexuality had always been a concern of yours, as you were never able to settle on what fitted you best. Coming to terms with your bisexuality felt like the biggest weight lifted from your shoulders, now all you had to do was open up to those closest to you.

Without your initiation, Taehyung called a ‘duvet meeting’ as you had nicknamed them. You listened closely to his concerns about his upcoming comeback and tried your best to console him as much as you could. The two of you had very different life experiences, but somehow still understood each other perfectly, “Can I tell you something too?”

“Of course you can, what’s up?” Taehyung replied, refusing to pull his eyes away from yours.

You breathed in, praying that he wouldn’t become angry at your news, “I think I’m bisexual. Actually, I know I am.”

His dimples fell from his rosy cheeks as he processed what you had said. You have him the time to think of how to respond, “What does this mean for us? Are you trying to tell me something else too..?”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything, Tae. It’s just a part of me that I wanted to share with you. I just need support, that’s all.” You explained, taking his hand from under the pillow and winding your fingers around his, “I don’t want anything to change.”

“Then it won’t,” He smiled, pulling the covers from your waists up to your shoulders, “You’ve got all my support, lovely.”

JJK

Growing up with Jungkook meant you followed each other everywhere and knew things about the other that nobody else did. When he came to Seoul yo train as an idol, you followed quickly to continue your studies.

When possible, it was difficult to find you separated. Whether you sat in on a dance practice or joined him in the gym, it felt strange when you weren’t together.

Jungkook has always been open-minded, which was one of the many traits you shared. You had to hope that opening up about your sexuality wouldn’t suddenly close his mind.

As soon as your work shift had ended, you headed through to the company, where you soon found Jungkook preparing a cup of ramen in the lounge. Of course he was, when wasn’t he hungry? As he witnessed you enter, he pulled another one down from the cupboard and made it to your liking. As he was the better chef between you, you left it to him.

Jungkook placed it down before you, but didn’t hesitate to start eating before he’d sat down, “I haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?”

You inhaled, praying that this wouldn’t be the end of your longest childhood friendship, “I’ve been thinking a lot recently and.. I think I’m bisexual. Actually, I know I am. I know it’s not really anybody’s business but, it’s still important to me.”

Jungkook let his disposable chopsticks sink to the bottom of the cup as he processed your newest secret, “So, I still have a chance with you?”

You widened your eyes as you stared at his serious expression. Had he really just confessed to you? Jungkook was one of the best pranksters you knew; it was difficult to tell between his genuine and fake seriousness, “I’m kidding!” He giggled, clapping mockingly as he finished another bite of ramen, “No but really, I’m glad you look happier now; miserable doesn’t suit you well. Just eat your ramen before I eat it.”

^ i am genuinely so sorry this took so long! school hit me harder than i thought it would. also thank you for clarifying in a different ask about not having to be romantic, i appreciate it! 💗

[missjanjie]

Take Me Back to the Start | (10/10)

Title: Take Me Back to the Start Summary:   Everyone remembers their first love. Not everyone carries those feelings from childhood to senior year. Yet Brock is starting his last year of high school while still longing for the relationship he lost five years ago. Meanwhile, José is at the top of the food chain and seems to have it all together. But maybe their story isn’t over yet. Word Count: ~3k (this chapter) / ~31.4k (total) Relationship(s): Branjie (Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo), Sportsdoll (Jan Sport/Nicky Doll) Rating: E

read on ao3 | ko-fi

Brock stared at himself in the vanity mirror. He wasn’t sure what he was waiting for, maybe a sudden burst of energy, of enthusiasm, something to alleviate the knot of anxiety in his stomach.

Then José walked in with timing so perfect, Brock momentarily wondered if the universe had literally answered his prayers. “You ready for this, big guy?” he asked, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“As I’ll ever be,” he replied, placing his hand on top of José’s for a moment, then turned to face him. “But now I’ve got my good luck charm.” His tone brightened up as his arms looped around his boyfriend’s waist.

“Who, me?” José batted his lashes innocently, then let out a laugh louder than he intended, needing to clap his hand over his mouth. “You don’t need luck, but I’m glad to give you a boost,” he told him, kissing his temple.

Brock grinned fondly. “I always need you, baby,” he cooed sweetly. “You need to go take a seat though, I’m up any minute now,” he said, sharing a quick kiss before José left to take his seat in the audience.

The performance itself was a bit of a blur for Brock. He knew he was nailing every move (or at least hoped he was), but it didn’t feel like he was on stage. It was calm, like he was alone in the studio, headphones in and the world tuned out. This was his zen, his happy place. It was one of the only things in his life that he was unequivocally confident in, for better or for worse.

And when he was done, he still had a rush of endorphins washing over him. Brock had never quite understood what people meant when they described something as ‘as good as sex,’ but he could now comfortably admit that while sex won out, this was definitely close.

He went to the bathroom, splashed some water on his face, and looked at himself in the mirror. That was it. It was over. Win, lose, or draw, there was nothing he could do to change the impending outcome. And waiting was the hardest part.

“All competitors please return to the stage.”

The loudspeaker announcement was repeated a couple more times as the dancers made their way back to the stage. Everyone was full of the same nerves and anticipation, but Brock could hardly focus on anything, even when awards were being given out. All he could focus on were people moving across the stage to get their awards.

“And first place overall goes to…”

Brock had already come to terms with not placing. All the confidence he’d had during his performance had inexplicably dissipated. He was practicing his ‘I’m okay, I just need to try harder next time’ speech in his mind. He could get over this, it wasn’t the end of the world, he just–

“Brock Hayhoe!”

Nothing had ever snapped him back into reality faster. He nearly tripped over himself as he walked up to get his trophy, beaming broadly. Now, he was wondering why he’d doubted himself at all. He hadn’t been delusional during his performance, it was a culmination of everything he had been working for. He deserved this, and damn it, he was going to enjoy his moment.

And when he was finally allowed offstage, Brock ran right to where his mom, coach, and José were waiting. The only thing better than having this moment was sharing it with the people he loved. “We did it!”

“You did it.” Anna smiled with pride. “You’re the one that put in all the effort and hard work. We helped along the way.”

“And I couldn’t have done it without that help,” he replied as a compromise. He was too elated to argue, and moved right on, giving them all a hug, and José a big kiss on the lips.

“Let me see this shiny prize.” José grinned, picking up the trophy. “It’s gonna fit real nice in that spot you got saved for it,” he mused. “You sure as hell earned it.”

Brock chuckled softly, leaning down and kissing his cheek. “I told you, you’re my good luck charm.”

José grinned as he pulled his jacket on and handed Brock his. “The argument’s getting pretty compelling, I’ma give you that,” he admitted, leaning into his boyfriend’s side when the taller teen wrapped his arm around him, and stayed close as they made their way into the parking lot and said their goodbyes to Anna.

------

Brock had been riding the high of winning the competition well through Thanksgiving and into early December. He was finally able to quell the harsh voices in his mind that filled him with doubt and anxiety. Every time he looked at that trophy, front and center on his shelf, he was reminded that finally, everything was paying off just as he’d hoped.

And José’s voice was louder than all of those negative ones anyway. The two of them remained nearly inseparable, both of them watching TV in Brock’s room when suddenly, Joan called them downstairs. They jumped up and raced down – she was clearly either excited or concerned based on her high-pitched tone.

“What’s going on?” Brock asked.

She handed a large envelope to him. “You have mail.”

“It’s from the Boston Conservatory,” he read, his voice suddenly hushed. “I applied for an early decision,” he explained to José. His logic had been that he would only do that for his top choice. That way, if he got in, he got the decision making out of the way early, and if he didn’t, he would have more time to work on a new plan.

“It’s big, that’s a good sign,” José offered.

“You think anything big is a good sign,” Brock retorted, making sure he whispered soft enough for his mom not to hear. With a deep breath, he opened the letter, but closed his eyes as he took the piece of paper in the front out. He kept his eyes shut for another moment before finally reading his fate. “I… I got in,” he said before it really hit. “I got in!”

“You got in!” José was much louder, hugging him tightly.

Joan put her hand over her heart as she looked on with pride. “I can’t believe you’re moving across the country, I’m so proud of you. Oh, I’ve got to go call your grandmother,” she remarked gleefully as she went into the other room.

But José’s enthusiasm started to die down. “You’re moving across the country?”

“Well, yeah, that’s where Massachusetts is,” he explained as they went back to his room and sat down on his bed.

José shook his hands out and tried to hype himself back up. This was Brock’s moment, he wasn’t going to ruin it over those details. “Cool, yeah. I’m happy for you. I knew you was gonna get into a good school.”

“José, I…”

He shook his head, already feeling guilty because Brock didn’t sound so excited anymore. “No, no, we ain’t doing this right now. We’re celebrating you. Because I’m happy for you.” His voice eased from defensive to sincere, his expression softening. “Because I love you.”

Brock’s expression relaxed into a smile. “I love you too.” He took both of José’s hands into his own. “And we’re gonna celebrate, okay? We’ll go out for dinner, see if we can convince my mom to let us have some champagne.” He started to kiss along his jawline as he spoke. “Then we’ll come back here and celebrate in our own way.”

José didn’t mean to laugh, but he thought it was cute how Brock was just trying to distract him. And he let it work, he had no reason not to. He knew they would have to sit and talk about their feelings eventually, but that could wait. Maybe if he waited long enough, Brock would forget about it entirely.

------

Brock sighed, strumming his fingers against the table and sipping his iced coffee. If there was one thing he needed, it was to talk to his friends, especially since Courtney and Steve had been on this relationship journey with him from the beginning. “I just feel bad, you know. I get how he feels, getting into this school is everything to me, but up until that, he was everything to me. I just don’t know where to go from here.”

Courtney frowned and scooted her chair closer to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re still gonna go, aren’t you?”

“Of course, that’s not even a question.”

“Good,” Steve chimed in, “because we were both ready to kick your ass all the way from here to Boston.”

Courtney nodded in agreement, but quickly went back to being concerned. “Have you guys talked about it yet?”

“Not yet,” Brock told her. “I will, I promise. We just both kind of came to the conclusion that we didn’t want to let that sour the mood. He knows I know that something wasn’t right, and that we have to work things out. But I have faith, I’m not too worried.”

His friends nodded in understanding; even if they wouldn’t outright say it, they had become invested in the final outcome as well. “When are you seeing him next?” Steve asked.

Brock glanced out the door of the Starbucks. “I’m actually going right to his place from here, wish me luck.” He hugged both his friends before he got up. “Oh, wait,” he paused, texting José, then getting back in line shortly after.

So the first thing he did when José let him inside was hand him his coffee. “See? I told you I knew what your usual was.”

José took a sip, then gave a signal of approval. “You did good, baby. You did good.” He gestured to him to follow upstairs and they went into his bedroom. He sat cross-legged on his bed and looked up at Brock expectantly. He knew what was coming, neither of them said so, but it was a gut feeling.

And Brock knew exactly what José was thinking, so he saw no need to beat around the bush. He spun the desk chair around so when he sat, they were face-to-face. And with a deep exhale, he ripped the bandage off. “I know you’re upset that I’m going so far away. Let’s talk about it.”

He didn’t think he would ever get used to how comfortable Brock was with being blunt with him. It was a relatively new development, considering how long they had spent dancing around their feelings. It was jarring – he was usually the one to take the ‘no bullshit’ approach. “With you bein’ all the way across the country without me aren’t you gonna forget about me? What’s gonna stop you from moving on?”

Brock frowned, the sadness in his boyfriend’s eyes absolutely crushed him. “I couldn’t forget about you if I tried, and believe me I’ve tried. In case you’ve forgotten, I couldn’t forget about my feelings for you after five years, I think I can make it a few months at a time.”

“It’s different, B,” José insisted. “We still saw each other almost every day, even though we didn’t talk. When you’re in Boston, you’re gonna meet all kinds of cool East Coast people… maybe you won’t need me anymore.”

“Oh, baby…” Brock frowned and cupped his boyfriend’s face. “I don’t think you understand just how incredible and unique you are. I could travel across the whole world, meet new people every day, and I know for a fact that no one will ever hold a candle to you. You are so special, you always have been.” He placed a kiss to his forehead before pulling back. “Do you have a college plan yet?”

José looked down and away, shaking his head. “I dunno if I’m the college type, boo. Maybe community college. My mama wants me to go to a trade school, learn some practical shit like plumbing or welding or whatever.”

“And those are both great options if that’s what you want to do,” Brock assured, then paused. “What do you wanna do?”

He laughed humorlessly, chewing on his lip. “You really wanna know?”

“Of course.”

“I wanna go to beauty school.” It was the first time he had actually said it out loud, but if José could confide in anyone, he knew it would be his boyfriend. “You know, do hair and makeup and all that… but it ain’t easy to make a living off of that.”

Brock moved to sit next to him on the bed. “If that’s what you’re passionate about, that’s what you have to do. If you want to be a makeup artist, I know you’re gonna be the best makeup artist around. You always give your all with everything you’re passionate about.”

José looked at him with a soft smile and a glimmer of hope in his eyes. “You think so? ‘Cause, I mean, I could look for schools out there, don’t really matter what state I get licensed in.”

“Now we’re talking,” he encouraged. “We could get an apartment together, it’ll be cheaper than room and board. I mean, it’s a big step, but…”

“No, wait, I like the sound of that,” José brightened up. “You and me in our own little place, being all domestic and shit… That’s real cute, I see that for us.”

Brock wrapped an arm around him and kissed the top of his head. “You don’t have to commit to anything yet. You’ve got plenty of time, but now you know that you’ve got options, that we can make it work.” He ran his fingers gently through José’s hair. “And if you decide you don’t wanna make that move, we’ll do the long distance thing. We’ll have phone calls and FaceTime, we’ll be able to meet up at every break.”

José tossed his now-empty cup in the trash and laid down, tugging on Brock to join him and cuddling into his side. “Truth is, I don’t see any future without you in it. I know we haven’t been back together all that long, but… I dunno, I just know, you know?”

“I know.” He chuckled lightly. “I feel that too. Like… it feels fast, but fast is the right speed.”

“Could be ‘cause we already put in four years of work,” José mused. “You know, built the foundation.”

Brock held José close and kissed his forehead. “We have a great foundation. Sturdy,” he hummed.

------

José let out a frustrated huff. “Will you fucking hold still?”

“I’m trying!” Brock insisted. “I’m not used to things poking me in the eye like that,” he whined, doing his best to keep his face and body still so José could keep going.

And he did appreciate the effort, holding Brock’s head steady with one hand while he continued the eye makeup with the other. He had already come far too close to completely messing up the eye, and he wasn’t about to risk anything now that he was so close to getting this second eye. “Oooh shit, this is looking real pretty. Definitely the best eye look so far.”

“I can’t wait to see it,” Brock hummed.

“You’re gonna love it. Now shut up so I can do your lips,” José said as he set the brush and palette down and picked up the lip liner. “I’ma try to overline it again, I watched more tutorials so I think I can get it right this time.”

Brock didn’t want to disrupt him again, so he just stayed completely still while José continued with his masterpiece.

“Okay, just needs setting spray and it’s done,” José announced, spritzing over his boyfriend’s face, then taking a step back to admire his handiwork. “And that’s it, go on and take a look.”

Brock opened his eyes right away and looked in the mirror. “Oh wow, babe, this came out so good,” he beamed brightly. “I am so impressed, you’re really getting better each time.”

“Good, gotta build up that portfolio,” he hummed, grabbing his phone. “Alright, look at me and give me fashion.”

“Fashion, got it,” he giggled, then did his best to give a ‘model’ pose while José took pictures.

José gave a nod of approval when he decided he’d gotten enough options. “I think that’s a wrap,” he hummed. “You’ll help me pick which ones to send to Courtney, right?” After Brock had explained José’s new endeavor to his friend, she had offered to edit them to enhance his portfolio even more. So far, he had built up a decent repertoire, as he was lucky enough to have plenty of friends – and a very supportive and patient boyfriend – that were happy to be painted by him.

“Of course. I say we pick a top three at most, that should be enough to work with,” Brock suggested as he got up. He wrapped his arms around José’s waist. “I am so proud of you, you’ve really dove into this, and any cosmetology school is gonna be lucky to have you.”

“Couldn’t have done it without you,” José beamed. “Literally, couldn’t afford all this fuckin’ makeup on my own,” he teased, then looked up at him sincerely. “No, but really, thank you for believing in me, I knew you had to be the first person I told for a reason.”

Brock ruffled José’s hair lightly. “There should never be any doubt in your mind that I believe in you more than anything. You’ve supported me through so much when it comes to my dreams, now, I’m just happy I get to do the same for you.”

José leaned his head against Brock’s chest, holding him close. “We make a good team, don’t we? Hopefully we can keep being a good team in Boston.”

“Don’t worry, babe,” Brock smiled, rubbing his boyfriend’s back, “even if we can’t, it’ll take a lot more than three thousand miles to break up this team.”

[utopianvoices]

dating au | j.yunho

⤗ check my masterlist for other members!

how he acts around you

make way for the nation’s boyfriend

the Softest Boy Ever™

if you thought jongho was soft this boy’s even softer

permanently has a smile on his face??? like??

hello do you ever get upset

he does but he never wants to show it

question of the day: how do you NOT fall for this boy

184cm of pure boyfriend material

is so so giggly around you

like you’d make eye contact with him from across the room and boy’s turning fifty shades of red

and at first you just think that he’s naturally shy and isn’t good with human interactions

but after talking to him you realise he’s one of the most extroverted person you’ve ever met

has so much energy, literally hOw

but coming back to the point of how he acts around you

will blush at everything

your hands brush when you’re passing him something? boy’s heating up 

you end up sitting next to him? he’s thinking of ways to commit d word without embarrassing himself

isn’t even aware that his crush on you is obvious af

he’s just in his own little bubble whenever you’re around

you, of course, make it worse for him

by latching onto the ‘nation’s boyfriend’ joke

and keep asking him if he’ll be your boyfriend too

“hey, nation’s boyfriend! do you have space for one more person in your heart?” 

yunho.exe has stopped working

he KNOWS that you’re joking around but he still can’t help but wish you meant what you said

plot twist: you did

what he didn’t know is that your heart was going doki doki every time you made such jokes too

you had your doubts that what you felt wasn’t just one-sided

but you just kept telling yourself that he’d never go for someone like you because??? have you seen the boy

and you just tell yourself that you’re overthinking the signs he shows when you’re around

hOW EVEN

so now you both are just running around in circles thinking that none of you like each other

and honestly the members are so done

let’s all facepalm together

how he confesses

it just became too much for him to handle

you made the boyfriend joke every time you saw him and tbh it was plain abuse for his heart

his heart is: tired

doesn’t actually plan to confess to you

"how’s the nation’s boyfriend doing? any new people you have swooned?” you’d tease as you walked past him 

and he’d kinda just reach out and grab your hand?? 

surprising both you and him

you because wHy is he holding your hand

and him because wHY did he grab your hand

now that he had your attention, he had no choice but to say something

so just vomits out his words without even thinking them through

“i only want to be one person’s boyfriend.”

and you kNOW this is leading up to something that you’ve waited for

for a very long ass time

but yunho isn’t the only dumbass around

“is it mingi?” 

and tbh your brain is stabbing you multiple times 

(╬ಠ益ಠ)

because how dumb are you

i didn’t raise you to be this way y/n

but mayhaps your dumbness wasn’t a total curse

because it helped defuse the tense atmosphere between the both of you

as yunho chuckles in disbelief under his breath

muttering a “i can’t believe i fell for an idiot.” 

and it’s not soft enough to go unnoticed by you

so you’re like “w-what?”

and he looks up and just stares at you for a moment

before pulling you into a hug

and whispering a “you might be a dumbass but you’re my dumbass.”

sO now long story short there weren’t any cheesy questions asked

he just proclaimed that you were his

and what were you going to say?? no??

first date

did someone say 

amusement park date

wants your first date to be as memorable as possible

so of course he’d plan to take you there

buYS EVERYTHING

will not let you spend one cent

might even steal your wallet when you’re not looking and hide it in his coat so that you can’t pay

you freak out for a hot minute thinking you lost your wallet but actually it’s just with your dumbass boyfriend

starts off straight with the rides because he’s scared the nerves will catch up as the day goes 

and y’all won’t want to take the rides anymore

very ambitious

queues up for the scariest ride in the whole park

and you can see him hyping himself up so that he doesn’t faint on the ride

so you, being The Best, slowly take his significantly larger hands into yours

and just rub circles on the back of his hand

suddenly all thoughts just halt in his mind

his braincells are literally like 

（°o°；）

i think you broke him more than the rollercoaster, y/n

but i guess it worked because he was so nervous about holding your hand that he forgot about the rollercoaster

when you’ve had your fun with the rides 

you both walk hand in hand to the food stalls, getting hotdogs and drinks to fill your empty stomachs

immediately brings you over to the stall where they offer prizes for winning games when you’re done eating

he just wants to show off his skills in games

he’s so into the game and it shows on his face

and you kind of just forget about the prize and admire him

and he didn’t notice till the last shot

scores 9/10 points because he caught you staring at him right before the last shot and it did Things to his heart

and therefore the lack of his coordination

still wins you a large bear so he’s content

takes so many photos of you with the bear to show it off to the members

“look!!!! i won her this plushie!! doesn’t she look so cute!!!”

*read by 7 people*

*none of them replied*

it’s not surprising if he got kicked out of the gc because of how much he was spamming

he just wants to share the fact that you’re his to the world （πーπ）

first kiss

is the most extra out of all the members

actually decorates the dorm before you arrive

with scented candles and flowers

it’s just a kiss yunho

double checks everything before you arrive to make sure nothing is out of place

tells the members to leave and not come back till 11pm

because he needs time to build up the courage to kiss you

when you arrive, you are: confused

and you: express your confusion to him

he just says that he wanted to do something special that day and you’re like “oh, okay.”

because you knew how much of a sap your boyfriend could be

after dinner, he suggest playing some card or board games

like uno or something

honestly forgets his main purpose when you both start playing

because he’s just that competitive

“nO WAIT you can’t do that to me??? +8, serIOUSLY?”

and you just shrug like, “sorry bro, gotta do what i gotta do.”

finally remembers when he sees you biting your lip in concentration while looking at what cards to play next

from them on, he just purposely loses to speed up and end the game quickly

doesn’t regret losing when he hears your victory laugh, his heart swelling 10 times more when he sees you stick your tongue out to tease him

moves over to the space beside you and looks at you

if you’ve got loose hairs covering your face, he’ll just slowly tuck them behind your ear

not losing eye contact

and he’s pretty sure you can hear his heartbeat from how close he was

but just says “fuck it” in his mind and leans forward, gently pressing his lips against yours

his hands just automatically pull you onto his lap??

but the kiss still remains 100% soft

because he just wants to convey all his love to you through the kiss

10/10 the type to peck your cheeks when you separate 

first fight

i... really don’t know what you would fight with him about

is really one of the most caring people out there and would avoid doing anything that would hurt you

does his best to get to know everything about you so that he avoids unnecessary fights

knows your mood just by looking at you and the way you act

is always there for you when you need to rant and even goes the extra mile by preparing hot baths or buying junk food for you

but he’d definitely have his bad days too

so that’s probably the only way there’d be a fight between you

he’s not one to show a negative side of him very often so when you see him down

you can’t help but keep asking him what was wrong

and that’d kind of put him off because he just didn’t want to talk about it then

and might just snidely tell you to stop asking him

you don’t really say anything else because it’s clear that he was having a bad day

but no matter how upset he was from the day

he’ll never let you go to bed on bad terms

if you’re laying in bed, he’ll just slowly slide under the covers and wrap his arms around you

burying his face in your chest as he lets out a muffled “i’m sorry... bad day.”

and you don’t say anything—you just wrap your arms around him and stroke his head, humming a slight melody to help him relax

and it works

because you feel him going limp in your arms, and his breathing evens out, light snores escaping him

it’s times like this where you remind yourself that no matter how much of a happy virus he was, he had bad days too

and that’d you do what you could to make those days easier for him

favourite things to do together

ohOho

everyone knows he lives and breathes to game

so he’ll do just that

but instead of doing it alone he’ll pester you till you join him in front of the console

if you don’t know how to play, he’ll sit you in between his legs and hold you from behind

his hands on yours as he guides your hands to the various buttons and explains what they are 

and honestly nothing registers in your brain

because he was wAY TOO close to your ear 

and to make things worse (or better?)

his voice was just above a whisper, and you could literally feel your body erupting in goosebumps

no thoughts. head empty. 

actually there were many thoughts... but we won’t discuss them

it’s no surprise that you lose, but you still can’t help the pout forming on your lips unconsciously

which makes yunho think you’re the cutest thing EVER

kind of squeaks and just peppers kisses all over your face

and mAYhaps you pretend to be upset when you lose the consecutive games just to get kith

general affection 

oOoo we’ve got a cuddle bug on our hands

mUST be touching you all the time omg

even if you’re just side by side watching a movie, he’ll find a way to have some skinship

be it your thighs touching each other, or his arm around your shoulder

he’s content with minimal contact 

is naturally very playful

always laughs into kisses because your hands would have brushed a ticklish spot 

and he’s really ticklish

so it always disrupts your kisses

he’s long so he’ll just wrap himself around you when cuddling

like a huge starfish or something

loves to play with your fingers when you’re having conversations

will listen to you attentively but his fingers just absentmindedly find for yours

and he’ll interlock your fingers 

or just fiddle with them

overall a very Soft Boi

but then there are Not Soft Boi moments too

ahem

uses his height to it’s full advantage

definitely puts things like your phone on the top shelf just to see you struggle and whine when you can’t reach it

and then appears behind you and just plucks it like NOTHING

walking away with a smirk on his face, as you stare at him like (ಠ⌣ಠ)

on days where he’s in A Mood

he’ll just hold your phone in the air and make you reach for it

and it’s inevitable that you’re literally pressed up against him

so he’ll snatch the opportunity and just lean down and press a kiss to your lips

when he pulls away, you can definitely see the change in his demeanour 

he’s no longer the playful puppy you see all the time

and the next moment you’re being lifted up and placed on the counter 

the counter is his go to make out location

depending on his plans for the day, it may or may not lead to more

never initiates anything more if he knows he’s tight for time

always wants the luxury of time because he wants to show you how much he loves you

just basically wants to love all of you 

and you’ll definitely feel loved

ahem MOVING ON

he’s a soft boy 99% of the time

so just provide him with kith and hug

and he’s the happiest

note: everyone go love @curanonemu or i’m not feeding y’all anymore <33

[funkymbtifiction]

Si-dom/sensing types

SUBMITTED by sharly85

Hi, I really enjoy your blog and it’s especially helped revive my interest in mbti recently and now enneagram too. This isn’t really a question but I thought I’d submit it regardless. Anyway, I saw your post the other day where you mentioned that it was really hard to grasp Se and Si since a lot of the books are written by Ns. So as an ISFJ, I just wondered if I could help and give at least one person’s first-hand Si perspective. Obviously I can’t speak for all S users, least of all Se users, and my other functions will play a role in how I use it, but I thought it might change how you see Si a bit :) Also, I’ve been recently trying to learn about enneagram and I think I’m a 6w5 with sp but I’m not 100% sure (ironic I know) but that might be worth considering in your interpretation of my description. Si>Fe>Ti>Ne So the base descriptions of S and Si in general always talk about how S’s rely on using their 5 senses to take in information. Whilst this is true, I personally think there’s a lot more to it than that. When it comes to learning and revising for an exam, I would definitely say that I use a lot of strategies that relate to my senses. For example, I make a lot of posters, write in a range of coloured pens, and can still remember a song about mitosis I haven’t listened to in about 4 years. But for me, the more important thing I found out about Si (I can’t remember where from unfortunately) was that information is taken in through your own series of biases. This doesn’t mean that I have a refusal to see or hear some thing I don’t agree with, but it means that what I remember has to have struck a chord with me in some way. Being a feeling type, this usually means it has to emotionally impact me in one way or another (although not exclusively), but it is a lot easier for me to remember it if I was emotionally impacted by it, or equally, if I know I will be negatively impacted later if I don’t remember it.  That being said, as I am an ISFJ, the Si-Ti loop can very much allow me to remember things that don’t emotionally impact me, if I can logically organise them in my brain. I like to think of the Si-Ti loop as a filling system in my brain. Si takes in information, and Ti then tries to categorise and organise that information for memory recall. When I want to recall something, I go to the folder for that category and then have access to all the previous things I have categorised in there. I think there are stereotypes that a lot of ISFJs are not very smart, and NTs are the smart ones for example, but because of the Si-Ti loop, I have always had incredible memory allowing me to be in the top 10% of the class. But as I mentioned earlier, as whatever Si chooses to take in has to go through a series of personal biases, if an Si user is not interested in academic learning, then they would struggle to remember the information because it doesn’t impact them. I enjoyed learning and succeeding academically, so I was invested in learning and hence had reason to remember. And because of my functions, I was able to do this with pretty good success.    Another key thing that S’s are described as is being detail-orientated. I think some N’s can believe that they care about details but I really don’t know if they realise the extent to which an S can be detail-orientated. To put it into perspective, I was recently helping proof read my partner’s essay (he’s a suspected INTJ but came out as Ixxx when I got him to take tests) but I was starting to frustrate him because I noticed every single double space in the document. I really don’t think that most N’s would actually notice this level of detail in something. Because of this level of detail-orientation, it can become very easy to become quite perfectionist, especially for a repeated task that I have completed “perfectly” before. Once I have noticed a detail, I can’t ignore it. It starts to stand out like a neon sign, eating away at me. It doesn’t matter if no one else notices, I’ve noticed it, and so if it’s something I’ve noticed and don’t like, I have to change it/fix it. The same applies to me with having a piece of rubbish fall out of my pocket. I don’t think a lot of N’s would realise the rubbish fell out, and some people (S or N) may not care. But you can be damn sure that I will be chasing that down the street because I know it’s there now. But this detail orientation can definitely cause me to be unable to see the wood for the trees sometimes. I can become absorbed by even a single detail and can find it very hard to take a step back and look at the bigger picture when this happens. So I often need an external source to help pull me out of this tunnel-vision. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have proof-read this and made minor changes or spotted typos but, it’s a lot.  Detail orientation can be in any aspect of the S’s life, and doesn’t just have to be with regard to work. For SFs it can often be with regard to the people they care about. I recall you mentioning something in another post recently about this, but an N can have an uncanny guess about what someone is thinking or feeling without being able to explain how they got to that conclusion. In contrast, as an SF, if I want to know how someone is feeling, I pick up on tiny facial expressions, body language and speech patterns that I’ve seen before to understand. Because of this, it makes my ability to do so more accurate the better I know someone, but as most humans have similar overall facial expressions, it is a relatively transferable skill even to people I don’t know well. I think as a good general distinguisher between an S and an N is that if the person in question can explain their process into a conclusion, they are likely to be an S, even if the conclusion is wrong (e.g. “you have your sad face on”). If they can’t explain at all their mental process and can somehow still get it right, they are probably an N (e.g. “you just seemed upset”).   I think one of the “party tricks” other types (particularly Ns) see me do is remember where an object is. I largely attribute this to growing up with my mother (probably ENFJ) who was very forgetful when it came to small objects. She’d walk in, drop her keys somewhere (but it would never be dropped in the same place twice) and then less than 5 minutes later she would have no clue where they are. But because I’m both a helper type and detail orientated, I can be very good at noticing where things are. In my own home, it is even easier for me because whilst nothing is perfectly tidy, everything has a place it should be (I presume this is SJ combination), and so for me I can almost ignore the background of what usually lives there to find the out of place object. In a house where I don’t have as much control over where things go it can be harder, but I will still probably notice your keys or your phone partially sticking out from under a coat that was thrown on a chair or something, especially if I know the object has significance. I.e. I know that you need your keys to leave the house and you will become stressed if you can’t find them, so it will reduce the disturbance of harmony (Fe) if I can recall where the object is and shortcut the process. But, that means that when I lose something, I can very easily catastrophise the scenario (Inf Ne) and think it’s lost forever because I would know where it was and it’s not there (some times it is still where I think it should be, but as the panic sets in, my Ne takes over worrying about the fact I’ve lost it, preventing good perceptive skills at actually seeing it). As I’ve eluded to, for an Si particularly, environment is a big factor. Introverts already struggle with overstimulating environments as is, but for an Si-dom, I am particularly sensitive to an environment. I often find myself somewhat like a meerkat when I’m in a new place, even if the new place is just a new room in a building I know. I will spend a lot of time looking around trying to notice things around me and basically memorise it, should I need to reference it later. Likewise, if I am walking out and about, I often find myself looking all over, noticing how the light shines through the trees, the pretty coloured flowers in someone’s front garden or the sound of the birds tweeting. So I am always aware of my environment no matter where it is. Once I have some familiarity with a place, it makes it much more comfortable for me to spend time there, because I don’t need to activate the “meerkat-mode” and look around constantly - I already know the environment (Si-Ti memory). But, that means that I will sure as hell notice if something has significantly changed in a place between me being there previously (as I mentioned earlier, once I have the background established, any changes become much more obvious to me). Equally, if the environment I am in is overstimulating, it can be really uncomfortable to be in because I am constantly surveying the environment and can’t focus on whatever it was I was supposed to be doing in that place. I find it really challenging especially as an introvert to be in a loud crowded place because there’s too much to take in, and being an introvert especially with Si and Ti, I find it much easier to process thoughts in a quieter space. So I often end up taking a step back in group conversations in busy environments because I have to put all my energy into focusing on listening to try and minimise over-stimulation.  Another major aspect of Si for me is learning through hands on experience. I think you mentioned recently that S’s are typically the ones who will become world experts in one thing whereas N’s are better at becoming Jack of all trades, and I think that can be true for some but N’s ability to pull abstract pieces of information together can also help N’s in academia in a way that S’s can’t. But the way that an S gets to that point is through hands on experience. Every time I do something that I want to be able to do, I will unconsciously remember, and will also more consciously remember any mistakes I made doing so. Then the next time I do it, I will be ever so slightly better at it, using what worked previously and avoiding what didn’t. But repeat this process as many times as I do it, until somehow I know exactly what to do every single time with very little variation[. For me this is particularly true with fine-motor skills and a few really obscure skills. The one example that springs to mind is I was with an ENFP and an INFJ and the ENFP told us about a tongue twister she wanted us to try: “Tesco, Tesco Metro, Tesco Extra, Tesco Express” (I’m British so Tesco is a supermarket chain and those are the different types of stores they have). But the ENFP told us to try saying it like 5 times in a row quickly. The first few times, I was ok at it, but I was either way too slow, or I stumbled on the words if I went faster. But after each time I tried the tongue twister, I got better until I was able to say it the best out of all of us. It was like watching evolution in front of you, and this was only across the space of 10-15 minutes. Whist I can’t say for sure, this is why I reckon that some STs get really good at being things like mechanics. It’s hands on so they learn well every time they have to fix a car, but equally they probably pick up on subtle noises or visual cues to figure out what’s wrong with a car. Each time they do, they subconsciously remember something about the car and then remember the outcome so that next time they don’t have to figure it out and they can shortcut the process. 

I think the need for routine that a lot of S’s feel (particularly SJs) also comes from this idea of hands on learning and basing everything you do on experience. When an SJ has figured out that some combination of events works, they don’t want to let it go because an alternate method might not work (it might work, but poor N functions means that it can difficult for an S to accurately predict). At a previous job, I used to walk to work every day, and I reckon if you were able to track every foot step I took to work every day and overlay them, they would almost be identical with an identical overall path. There were other places I could have crossed the road (and there’s no jaywalking in the UK so I could cross a road anywhere I want) but I didn’t. I could have walked on the other side of the road just coz, but I didn’t. I had decided that this was the optimal route, so that was the route I took. No need to consider other routes because this works and I know it does, so why change it? A routine that has been established and is known to work and requires a lot less mental energy for an S(J) than trying to figure out what will happen if you do something else, so it makes their life easier. Because of this, when something comes up that requires me to disrupt my personal routine, I will automatically feel negative about it, even if I will enjoy the thing or know what to expect from the thing. It disrupts my routine which normally makes me feel happy and comfortable so I already have to put more effort into thinking about the event than if it didn’t. Traditions go along the same lines. SJs feel comfortable with traditions because they are essentially oddly specific routines that come into play when certain conditions are met. The SJ can predict what will happen when the conditions are met because it has previously been established, and they like that predictability.  I think the last thing I think is really important for S’s is being in touch with your body, especially for Si’s. A lot of N’s seem to constantly be confused when something isn’t quite right with their body and they don’t seem to be very good at putting two and two together about it e.g. I ate fast food all day and then had a full bar of chocolate and now I have an upset stomach, or another classic one is when N’s say they feel really tired but when you talk to them, you find out they have forgotten to eat for the last 6 hours. For me, whilst I’m not a doctor so I can’t diagnose what’s wrong, I feel like I am a lot more aware of it. To put it into perspective, I once knew that I would vomit over an hour before I actually did. When I say as an Si user that I am in tune with my body, I mean it. To me it is a disturbance to my internal homeostatic environment, so some thing being off is a big deal. But as such, it impacts me a lot more in my day to day life. I can’t focus on work if I’m hungry because I am so aware of it. Whereas N’s can probably focus until they pass out if some thing has caught their interest. The combination for me of knowing how my body feels and liking routine was repeatedly able to bamboozle the ENFP and INFJ I mentioned before, when I brought essentially the same lunch to work every day. To them, they couldn’t see how I could enjoy repeatedly eating the same thing. But for me, I knew it satisfied me for the rest of the day but not so much that was uncomfortable, was relatively healthy and cheap and the repetition was soothing rather than boring. The ENFP was particularly bad at judging the right amount of food she needed or wanted but didn’t have the same ability to learn from her mistakes and find a formula that did. She just brought something new each day and hoped for the best - something very odd to me. Sorry that this ended up being so long. I just didn’t want to miss any details out (pun intended). Feel free to use any of this that you need in any way. Even if you don’t use it in a post, I hope it helps your own understanding for typing people etc. :)

ENFP Mod: Thanks! I enjoyed reading it, and am posting it, since it may help others understand Si-dom better. :)

[the-omni-princess]

Toys and Flowers

Author: @the-omni-princess

Summary: Insecurities and some badly written jokes can hurt, especially when they come from family. (Intrusive thoughts TW)

Pairing: Bucky x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 5.2K (It got away from me whoops)

Prompt:

“I am not a toy you can play with when you’re bored or lonely or horny. I am not the girl the guy gets at the end of the movie. I am not a fantasy. If you want me, earn me.” - Scandal

Warnings: Angst, Insecure reader, language, intrusive thoughts, unintentionally negative comments, Avengers kinda acting like dicks but they didn’t realize it, also a splash of anxiety, a happy ending I promise, Fluff

A/N:

A little bit of self-fulfillment whoops. Still new at this so please tell me what you think.

This sorta thing comes from my own experience with these thoughts, so I’m sorry if it doesn’t quite fit someone else’s. Anyway, if you’re having negative thoughts, like our dear reader, please go speak to someone. I made this way more angsty than I originally intended.

Prompt is bolded.

Written for @sunmoonandbucky

and their #1.5kconstellationswritingchallenge :D

[Read on Ao3!]

-------------

You were fed up. This had been going on for too long, going around and around in circles for too long. Jokes you could deal with. Insecurities brought to the forefront, teasing, crude one-liners, snide comments. When they came from strangers or from people you never necessarily liked you could deal with them. But when they came from the people you considered family? They hurt, and they hurt severely. Every comment, every glance, every joke sent a searing pain down your chest.

You knew it was most likely in good fun, after all, the Avengers were known to always toss quips at each other. They called Sam and Clint Birdie, teased Steve and Bucky about being old, and there was always some form of ribbing against Vision when he didn’t understand a meme despite being the literal embodiment of the internet. Yet despite all that, every joke that was aimed at you hurt you more than you care to admit.

Thwack. Thump. Every hit of your fists against the punching bag did little to help the anger in your chest, the anxiety, the hurt. Fighting back tears, you tried to block out the voices in your head reminding you of every joke you heard the others say as you kept hitting the bag. You thought you were overreacting, but then another jest meant to just be a poke in the ribs felt like a knife made of fire being pushed into your heart.

Sweat rolled down your back, it prickled at your neck, and you weren’t sure if the wetness on your cheeks was tears or sweat anymore. Sniffling, you paused, wiping your hot face with a towel, and downed half of your remaining water bottle. You sighed, fanning yourself with the towel, not that it helped the sweat clinging to your grey t-shirt or your gym shorts very well.

More comments swirled in your head, anxiety that you weren’t good enough to be an avenger started to creep back into your head, so you tossed the bottle and towel back to the ground and resumed punching. The comments were bad, but they were manageable. At least you thought so. Until a certain super-soldier, who you most definitely had a crush on, started to join in. You were happy he was starting to open up, but when his teasing started to join Sam’s the pain in your chest grew, along with the wall you built around yourself.

Burying yourself in paperwork, reports, and training, you did everything you could to not be in the Compound’s living room when you knew everyone else was there. You even tended to your outhouse garden more often than usual. Those thoughts are what brought you here, to the gym, to punch the shit out of a punching bag for the third time that day, instead of upstairs eating dinner with the rest of the team. It was too late to be out in the garden, your fairy lights you recently bought not fully installed yet, you were weeks ahead of paperwork, and there hadn’t been a new mission to report recently so your last hope was the gym.

Natasha was the first to notice your absences after you repeatedly started to miss dinners with the team and refused to say anything to her about it. “Has anyone seen Y/N today?” She suddenly questioned in the middle of dinner that Friday night, another dinner you were spending in the gym. Eyes all looked towards the redhead, as they started to realize you weren’t there again.

Tony was the first to speak up, sipping away at his drink “Passed by her on the way here, said she was heading to the gym.”

Steve was the next person to speak, hands fiddling with his fork, “But I saw her this morning at the gym, it was really early, and she seemed to tire herself out, why would she go back there so soon?”

Wanda then spoke up, “Her mind has been clouded recently, she blocks me out mentally, but she is blocking us all out as well.”

Sam gave her a confused look, unaware of what was the problem, “Why would she do that?”

“Because you idiots keep making fun of her,” Natasha snapped. She had seen the way you closed yourself off from a conversation the second a joke landed a low blow in your self-esteem. An off comment that maybe the new gal needed more training after she missed a shot during a mission. A quip about something new you were trying. Natasha noticed that not every joke had sent you spiraling, that most you were used to, and some truly were funny enough that you didn’t care, but she also noticed how close you had been to tears as you quickly excused yourself to your room after Bucky teased you the day prior.

Wanda looked up from her plate towards Natasha, the gears in her head practically visible as she connected the dots. “The boys’ comments and jokes about her fuel her anxiety!” She suddenly declared, and the room quickly silenced.

Sam’s eyebrows lifted, almost comically, “But she knows we are just having fun, right? We don’t mean any of it seriously, after all we make fun of the Olsen Twins for their age all the time, and Tinman for being slow.”

“Doesn’t mean the comments don’t hurt,” Bucky put his head in his hands, his own mind quickly filling in the blanks, finally noticing that the emotions in your face as you shuffled out of meetings and movie nights after a joke was betrayal and pain. He was quite acquainted with what pain looked like, and still he managed to miss it in you, though in hindsight he saw it now. The light leaving your eyes as Tony aimed a joke at you, your responding smile never reaching your eyes, your laugh sounding almost fake and forced before you practically sprinted towards your room muttering some excuse about being behind on mission reports.

“From what I’ve been noticing, not all the teasing seemed to affect her, but perhaps you were being a bit harsh on her when you said she needed more training after that mission last week Sam, or the comment about shirt yesterday Bucky,” Clint finally spoke up, having quietly observing everything from his spot on the windowsill couch.

“I was trying to compliment that shirt!” Bucky tried to defend, only to have Natasha snicker.

“’That’s an interesting choice’ is not a compliment,” Natasha glared at him, making him groan as he realized he had been acting like an ass towards you this entire time. “You know this all explains a lot, especially how she looked like she was seconds away from crying when Buckaroo here made some joke at her.” The man in question looked up, equal parts confused and upset. He had made you cry? Why would some joke, one that Sam had already said that didn’t elicit a response, get such a negative one when it came from him? Natasha snickered again, this time because Bucky looked like a kicked puppy. “You haven’t noticed oldie? Poor girl has had a crush on you practically since the moment she met you two years ago.” His heart stopped, then promptly dropped down into his stomach. He was making the girl he liked miserable and he didn’t even know it.

“You didn’t notice Bucky?” Wanda expressed almost remorse as she saw clouds of regret swirling in his head. “The extra cookies she hides away specifically for you, the coffee always ready for you in the morning, the small blushes when you look at her, the smile that lights up her face the second you actually compliment her?” The redhead was listing off the reasons he started to fall for you. The sweet girl, way too good for the world, for him, and the fiercest warrior out on a mission. You had missed that shot because Bucky’s cover would have been blown if your aim had been true. You had taken metaphorical bullets for him multiple times, always the first to defend him whenever someone came after him, especially whenever Ross or some Hydra goon started to monologue him on his past.

Shoving himself from the table, Bucky quickly stood, “I have to go fix this,” he muttered, mostly to himself, already rushing to the gym to find you.

“She’s stubborn, it’s not going to be that easy Bucky!” Steve tried calling out to his best friend, well aware of how Bucky felt about you. His comment fell on deaf ears and Bucky sprinted to the gym where you were still trying to lose yourself to your moves.

Jaws clenched, you kept swinging at the bag in front of you. You were tiring out, your exhausted mind probably catching up with your fatigued body. The gym door behind you swung open, making you jump, wide eyes locking onto a frantic looking Bucky. He looked disheveled, and you noticed his erratic breaths as if he ran here.

Suddenly hyper-aware of your own dishevelment, your body sweaty and tired from working out, you tried to make yourself smaller; quickly turning back to the bag, you swung at it again with new found energy. “What’s up, Buck?”

You could practically feel his eyes burning holes into the back of your head. “Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was soft, and, dare you to say it, pained. Your hands fell from the punching stance you had them up in, turning to face him with a puzzled look.

“Whatcha mean Bucky? What didn’t I tell you?”

“The intrusive thoughts Y/N… how much my comment about your shirt actually hurt you, really how many of the comments or jokes I made towards you hurt you.” Your body froze, completely caught off guard by him cornering you.

Feeling a bit petty and standoffish, you mustered your best death glare, though it no doubt probably did nothing towards the ex-assassin, “Why would I tell you?” Swiftly turning to grab your discarded water bottle and towel you muttered under your breath, “Why would I tell any of you?”

“Because we’re your family Y/N/N” he responded softly. Damn super soldier hearing. Chancing a glance towards him, you could see his hunched shoulders, his hands fidgeting with the end of his shirt.

His anxious body behavior only fueled you on, suddenly wanting to get out of this conversation as fast as possible yet wanting to confirm every negative thought in your head, you practically snarled at him. “Family don’t hurt each other… they shouldn’t hurt each other.” You whispered the last part, unexpectedly frozen where you stood.

You couldn’t look up at his face, fully aware he probably had some cute puppy dog look aimed your way. You couldn’t stand those looks, you knew your resolve would melt instantly if you looked towards them. His silence somehow hurt more than you thought it would. Your body finally getting with the idea of running from this, you turned away again, heading towards the door.

“Doll…” Bucky started, clearly, about to go on some tangent, you stopped him.

“No doll Bucky. I’m used to the comments… strangers, co-workers even, definitely kids when I was younger… I just thought they would stop eventually, along with these thoughts in my head, guess that was naive of me to think that.”

“Y/N please don’t do this, please, just let me explain. Fuck I didn’t mean those comments like that, Y/N, I tried to say it as a compliment. God, I really like you, and I’m terrible at speaking whenever you come around, and I didn’t mean it like the way it came out doll,” You didn’t hear him move, you just abruptly felt his hand around your wrist.

Pulling it back towards your body as if his touch burned you, you spun on your heels to face him. Rash and hotheaded as always, your words came out like venom aimed straight towards the man in front of you, “I am not a toy you can play with when you’re bored or lonely or horny. I am not the girl the guy gets at the end of the movie. I am not a fantasy. If you want me, earn me.” You were too quick with your harsh words to realize the full weight of his words, only reacting blindly to the hatred your mind had been building towards yourself and lashing it out towards Bucky. He looked as if he had been slapped in the face by your words. The truth was, you did like the pet names, especially from him, especially when they were on the back end of his praise for you when training or after a particularly good mission. However, your need for a punching bag or the need for these thoughts to not be focused on you for once, made you throw them at the one person in this entire compound you wanted to hurt the least.

You scrambled towards the door, trying to bite back your tears and keep your resolve. You didn’t look back as you rushed towards your room, knowing that if you took one look at the heartbroken man you left standing at the gym, you would sob at his feet. You shut the door behind you promptly sliding to the floor in your room, your back against the door. “FRIDAY, don’t let anyone in. For anything.” You called out, knowing the AI would catch it.

“Are you sure Ms. Y/L/N? My sensors are indicating your elevated heart rate and erratic breathing, it is recommended for me to contact Mr. Stark or the Med Bay.” The AI dutifully replied, making you cry out. You put your head in your hands, feeling the wetness of your cheeks, making you realize you were already crying. When did that happen?

“No! Please FRIDAY, please don’t let an-anyone in… Please. I don’t want them to see me like this.” Your speech slurred faintly, sniffling as you tried to get a hold of yourself. You just felt weak, too drained to shower or eat or even pull yourself from the floor you currently were residing. As your thoughts finally slowed you exhaled shakily, the anxiety and intrusive thoughts gone, leaving a blank mind except for a startling realization to what Bucky said before you snapped. “God, I really like you.”

You weren’t sure when you had fallen asleep, but considering the light hitting your eyes from the window, you figured it must have been a while ago. You shuffled to get comfortable in the sheets around you, desperate for a few more minutes of the nothingness of sleep. Wait… when did you go to bed? Hadn’t you fallen asleep on the floor? You sat up quickly, ignoring the burn in your eyes at the sudden light change as you surveyed the room. “FRIDAY? How did I get to bed last night?” You asked carefully, truthfully scared of the answer.

“Mr. Stark used his override code to enter your room shortly after you fell asleep. Sergeant Barnes put you in bed before returning to his own quarters.”

Groaning as you got out of bed, you realized you were still in your work-out clothes from the previous night, at least Bucky didn’t try to change you last night. Well, why would he? Your mind started to think as you headed for the bathroom to shower, suddenly grateful you woke up in your bed instead of on the floor. You suddenly froze, halfway to the bathroom door as you remembered one small detail of last night: “God, I really like you.”

Pushing away from the thoughts in your head, you quickly showered and got dressed. Going through routines helped the thoughts in your head from swirling around so much. You walked into the kitchen, grabbing a cereal bowl as you ignored how quiet it suddenly got when you walked in. Pouring all the necessary (and frankly colorful) ingredients and sitting down, you paused, spoon halfway to your mouth as you noticed most of the Avengers staring at you. “What?” You said it defensively, the simple word carrying a small amount of venom behind it.

Sam spoke up first, eyes locking with yours, “Y/N I’m sorry- no, no interrupting, eat your breakfast and let me say it, no running away Y/N/N” he spoke carefully, gentle yet clearly concerned. You gave him a wary look before starting to eat your cereal. Sam took that as an invitation to speak again. “I’m sorry, no, well yes, but we are all sorry. We didn’t realize the jokes we said were hurting you, and we hope you can forgive us and open up to us again. Y/N/N we miss seeing you around here. Your family but you’re avoiding us, we didn’t even realize what we said was causing you pain and behalf of all of us, even though most of it was my jokes, we are all sorry for making you feel like you weren’t a valuable part of this family.” You winced, hearing the guilt in his voice, conscious everyone was probably looking towards you as you stared at your cereal. “Because you are a valuable member of this family Y/N, and we miss seeing you happy.” That was the nail in the coffin, the tears that were bubbling in your eyes suddenly, but thankfully quietly, spilling down your face.

Sniffling, you looked up at Sam and the rest of the team, your view starting to get a bit blurry as tears clouded your vision. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys,” your eyes making a point of looking at Bucky. He looked like he hadn’t slept all night, hair mussed, his hand most likely running through it several times throughout the night. You quickly looked away before your resolve to finish your thoughts crumbled. “I thought I could just get past the thoughts, the words, the jokes, I was probably just hoping it would go away… thanks for being there, I know I can be kind of a mess, I’m not always perfect, but I’ll try to actually talk through these thoughts, and… feelings.” A few heads nodded, the tension dissolving in the room.

“Now, with the messy stuff outta the way, when you finish your breakfast, someone is requesting your presence at your garden kid,” You looked up at Tony, confused as you tried wiping your tears, happy you were talking through things for once instead of being rash. He shook his head, “No details coming out of me kid, just relaying the message.” He was quick to leave the room.

Your face must have looked perplexed still because Steve spoke up as he headed out as well, “Just trust us Y/N/N, you have a surprise waiting for you down there,” Steve knew how much you adored the greenhouse garden you had practically begged Tony to help you install when you became an Avenger. It had been the only thing you have ever asked of him, your small piece of comfort. Tending new flowers and growing herbs became a habit when you were younger, a positive way to keep yourself distracted from the thoughts in your head and the worries of the outside world.

The kitchen was now relatively empty, leaving a certain redheaded Russian alone with you. Natasha walked over, kissing your head motherly, “I’m always here to talk Malen'kiy,” she spoke softly, hugging you gently from the side. You rested your head against her, a faint smile on your face, your first real smile in a while.

“I know, thanks, Nat. I promise I’ll actually talk to you next time,” your voice was just as soft as you looked up adoringly at your practically adoptive sister. Nat had always been the one to know you the best. She knew you had these thoughts, always the clever one, but she didn’t realize they had become this bad.

“Now, hurry up and go to that garden you love before I have to kick your butt and drag you there myself,” You chuckled, smiling up at her as she playfully nudged your arm towards the door. Something was definitely going on. Three Avengers in cahoots to send you to your garden? Suspicious. You walked a little faster than usual down to your garden, wondering what was such a big deal that everyone really wanted you to go there.

The door’s open. That weird, I always close it. You thought as you approached the greenhouse. Walking inside you were flabbergasted, it looked completely different, in a totally good way. The weeds you had missed the other day were already uprooted, the floor swept, the fairy lights you had been dying to put up were already up and on. But what surprised you most were the new flowers that had lined the formerly empty new section you weren’t quite sure what to put there.

It was right beside the bench you used to read when you wanted to be alone after rough missions and no matter what plant you could think of, nothing ever felt right being put there. It would be the scent that would surround while you read, the light perfect there for reading, so you wanted something nice but none of your choices stuck. You already had those type of flowers, or it just felt wrong next to the bench, but the arrangement of flowers currently there now? They were perfect. Purple violets, purple lilacs, yellow daisies, red carnations, and hydrangeas.

Caught up in the new additions to your garden, you didn’t notice Bucky sitting on the bench beside the flowers at first. You knew the meaning of these new additions, but you weren’t quite sure what to say. “Did you do all of this?” you kept your voice low, eyes locking onto the sheepish blue eyes in front of you. Dark circles surrounded those beautiful eyes you tried so hard not to think about. He nodded slowly, a hopeful look in his eyes as he motioned for you to join him on the bench. “Last night… I couldn’t sleep… so I decided to do what you said I should do.”

“Which was?” you prompted, still a bit wary that this was some big joke against you.

“Earn you…” his eyes locked onto yours before he continued. “Y/N, I’m sorry for all the things I said, I know Sam did a big ‘forgive all’ sorta’ apology but I wanted to say I’m sorry personally. Y/N… I’m sorry, dreadfully, absolutely, completely, and utterly sorry.” He was biting his lower lip, anxiously fidgeting with the rings on his fingers as he waited for your response with bated breath.

You gulped faintly at the implications of what he was saying and one key phrase he had said last night was replaying in your head. “God, I really like you” Your eyes fell from his gaze, looking towards the flowers, did he even know what this all meant?

“Bucky, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how I felt, and I accept your apology about, well everything I guess. And thanks for fixing up the place,” you found the courage to say your thoughts, still locked onto the flowers. “Did you really not get any sleep just to do all of this for me?”

“Yes.” He said it quickly, with conviction, and when your attention snapped back to him, you noticed how nervous he seemed. Nodding faintly, you sat on the bench beside him, just out of his reach, he would have to scoot over to be near you.

You leaned against the arm of the bench, bent towards the new flowers. “They’re perfect by the way. I could never find a good combination of scents and colors for this spot, but you managed to do it beautifully.” You heard Bucky shuffle behind you, most likely still fidgeting, his metal fingers bumping against the metal of the rings on his right hand.

“Steve may have mentioned how he overheard you upset you were that you couldn’t figure out what to put there,” apprehensively he added, “Do you really like them?”

At that, you turned back towards him, grinning brightly at him. “They absolutely perfect Bucky.” You spoke with the same conviction he spoke earlier. Still gathering the nerve, you looked back towards the flowers, already enveloped by their scent, calming you as you spoke. “Do you know what each flower means?” Your voice was soft again, hopeful. That it wasn’t some accident he chose these specific flowers.

“Yes.” He answered simply. You turned towards him, his blue eyes, nervousness, and hopefulness evident in them.

“Then tell me,” you smiled warmly, feeling your cheeks warm up as he smiled back at you.

“Why do I have a feeling you already know?”

“Because I do… it’s just… some flowers can have multiple meanings, I want to know what you meant by each one.” You knew you were most definitely blushing at the moment, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care as he moved closer, thigh now pressed against your own. He started to point out each flower and he explained.

“Purple violets mean that the giver’s thoughts were, and I’m quoting the website here darling, ‘were occupied with love’ to the person they are giving it too,” you giggled, smiling up at him as he continued with a bit more confidence. “Purple lilacs symbolize the first emotions of love, yellow daisies mean anything from youthful beauty to loyal love to new beginnings, I was honestly aiming for all three, as they remind me of you.” You noticed how Bucky was now blushing, eyes turned to focus on the flowers, nervousness flooding him again. “Red carnations mean love, pride, and admiration, and finally the hydrangeas symbolize heartfelt emotions, but I like their second meaning more.” He paused, biting his lip again before continuing,

“That they can be used to express gratitude for being understood… Y/N, you’re amazing. You’re always kind, you’re never quick to judge but you're quick to protect, you’re fierce, whether it’s beating up bad guys or defending one of us. What I’m saying,” he finally looked back up at you, “I like you a lot Y/N. You showed me kindness and welcomed me here at the compound before I could even remember what either of those words meant anymore. You’re hot-headed, rash, too stubborn for your own good, quick to jump into a fight, you and Steve have that in common. But you’re also quick-witted, ambitious, and God I’m rambling, again aren’t I? I just… I wanted to show you some of the beauty you show me every time you walk through the door without even trying.” You couldn’t stop smiling as Bucky spoke, somewhere along the line you two had started holding hands and you most definitely weren’t letting go anytime soon. “I’ve fallen in love with you without you even trying doll.” He froze, realizing the pet name rolled so easily off his tongue, the same one that had upset you the night before.

You released one of his hands, gently placing it to cusp his jaw, “Bucky, I think I have some of my own confessions to make” your voice was soft, and it surprised you that you even could speak. Here was the man of your literal dreams confessing his love for you in the garden you had built from the ground up. “Before you panic, I actually like the pet names, I just… last night I was really wound up, and I lashed out at you, I’m sorry Buck...” He visibly softened at your words, elated he could go back to calling you that, but he still stared at your intertwined hand. “I really like you to…” his eyes shot up from to meet yours.

“Really?” If anyone knew that the formidable Winter Soldier had practically whimpered out that word, you knew Sam would never let Bucky live it down. You just smiled, standing and gently tugged him into the garden. You had a second bench, hidden amongst the thick foliage of the surrounding trees and vines. The bench was at the edge of a hidden circle opening, the circle was lined with rock and shells, the center filled with soft blankets and fluffy pillows. This was your favorite place to nap, the quiet secluded heart of the garden just hidden in the darkness, and away from the exit. Bucky hadn’t been the first to enter the garden, but he was the first you were willingly showing this part of it. It was your, or well our now you guessed, little secret. Fairy lights, these installed by you as the first batch you received, surrounded the circle.

You sat towards the edge of the circle, just a bit off from the bench, motioned him to join you on the fluffy pillows you sat on. He hesitantly sat beside you, close but cautious, unsure of what you were doing but trusting you completely. “Do you know why this small area is my favorite spot but is the one area of the entire garden I don’t let anyone into?” You asked softly, gently holding his soft yet calloused hands in your lap. He shook his head, intrigued but staying silent. You pointed towards the bush in front of you, small blue forget-me-nots dotting the bush. “They remind me of you.” You confided, looking towards him. His eyes gazed back towards you, full of admiration, awe, and, dare you to say, love. “There’s the obvious memory joke in there, but that’s not why they remind me of you. They symbolize a love brimming with memories, and every time I look at them I remember the hundreds of times your eyes look at me with such awe, like you can’t believe I’m real. No one’s ever looked at me like that before. Their color reminds me of your eyes, those ocean eyes I could get lost in if I’m not paying attention, the eyes I’m searching for during those boring briefs before meetings. They also symbolize how I don’t want you to forget about me one day.” You saw the emotions flash in those very eyes you could fall into as you spoke.

Bucky gently moved closer, his hands now cradling your jaw as he spoke. “I could never forget about you doll.” His words pushed you forward almost subconsciously, finally daring to get closer to the man you could see yourself falling in love with. Every second went by painfully slow as the two of you grew closer, until Bucky’s lips met with yours. You hummed happily, his thumbs rubbing soft circles against your cheeks as you finally kissed. Your hands found themselves at the nape of his neck, gently tugging at his hair as he deepened the kiss. You pulled away finally, suddenly very aware about the burning need in your lungs to breathe. Bucky, ever the super soldier, was the first to recover, grinning as he tried to catch his breath. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since forever.”

You laughed at that, biting your bottom lip, noticing how kiss swollen Bucky’s lips were. “Stop being cheesy and kiss me again Bucky, matte’ of fact, never stop kissing me,” You said softly, pulling him back for more. He smiled against your lips as you both finally felt content, surrounded by flowers and fairy lights.

[mcnypieces]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme

fill out & repost ♥  This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK ( They’re missing out )

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK ( It’s subjective )

Are they underrated? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO? ( This is... also subjective. )

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL

How strictly do you follow canon?

     As closely as possible, considering there’s not very much to work with in regards to his canon to begin with. There’s a lot of freedom in picking up any kind of minor canon character. I look mainly to expand on what little is present. I adore fleshing out even the smallest ideas so having something I can comfortably build on is great.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.

     Pica is loyal, beyond anything. Strong, well-built, and never wavering. Regardless of the situation, he is always on task, diligent to the last moment and perhaps longer. Devotion and collected functionality make a grand guardian. Always acts as a pillar; a collected foundation of a man centered around dedicated familial values. Being in contact with stone makes him nigh invincible, granting him not only the protective assimilation but the literal stature and appearance of a stone goliath given enough material. Strategic with respectable swordsmanship, constantly protective of what’s important. He’s nice on the eyes, quiet, and a good listener. There’s order and beauty laced within all that cataclysmic chaos just waiting to be found. 

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).

     Distant, stoic, absolutely terrible with expression that isn’t hateful and violent. Pica is very strict, lacking a sense of humor. His voice is extremely disruptive. The smallest remarks set his short fuse alight and it burns on and on until there’s nothing left. That murderous intent settles for very few things, and getting him to open up is a long, grueling process. He’s self-conscious but in an overbearingly cocky way, in that pride often masks everything genuine. He thinks very highly of himself and looks down on other people constantly. He’s uncooperative, constantly wrapped up in solemn business, and heavily against indirect methods. Abrasiveness is a weapon and he uses it without remorse. Stubbornness and general unwillingness to speak with strangers make attempting to converse with him the equivalent of talking to a wall. Pica is impatience, wrath, and apathy tied together with coarse cobblestone.

What inspired you to rp your muse?

     As odd as it sounds, I found certain parts of Pica relatable in very specific, personal ways. People never took me seriously when I was upset because I was so small ( sometimes they still don’t dskdsks- ). For awhile when I was younger my voice was really deep and hoarse due to adenoid issues. Speaking in general was hard, because breathing was hard. It made me sound very masculine, especially over any kind of voice-only system. Normally adenoids aren’t an issue at that point because they’re vestigial and tend to essentially be shrunk down to nothing. But something ( probably fighting off infections and never shrinking/bad allergies, nobody knows ) blew mine up and they were blocking 3/4ths of my airway for ages without anyone having any idea what was going on until it got bad enough to the point it was obvious something was wrong. I couldn’t have any stuffed animals in my room because it was legitimately dangerous and a lot of my non hypoallergenic stuff had plastic covers on it. Made me really sad. Eventually they were surgically removed, and it cleared up my breathing and in time my voice was relatively normal. Before then, nothing felt worse to me then than struggling to breathe trying to defend myself in tandem with all the emotional stress it brought on me. 

     I was always quiet and distant otherwise, and a lot of people thought I was just weird and unapproachable ( unless you wanted a laugh, anyway ). There were days before I made my small group of good friends I’d just spend sitting under the stairwell up against a wall eating lunch by myself. I’m probably one of the few people that listened to Pica talk for the first time and didn’t immediately burst into laughter. I didn’t completely click with him at that point, but watching that one little thing turn into a running gag constantly coming back to undermine everything else that was amazing about him really set my feelings in stone... pun completely intended. I’ve loved him ever since. That inspiration and adoration has only grown with time.

What keeps your inspiration going?

     Quite a few things. Aside from the constant love pouring from my being, I love looking at highly detailed stonework. It’s beautiful. Scrolling through rolling mountain landscapes, listening to certain songs, daydreaming in between sentences. I never really lose inspiration for Pica. Something new hits me every day in the most mundane tasks. A lot of it does go unshared, but some of it is personal and other times I simply don’t have the energy or reason. Very well I could be brimming with inspiration for him all day and have nowhere really to put it without excess. Getting opportunities to do so really makes me smile, though. It’s amazing how much being invested in a character will keep your inspiration at an all time high even when you’re having a rough time. Sometimes all it takes is just an extra comment from someone else or an occurrence or some kind of image to put you right back on track. For me, seeing any kind of lovely stonework or abandoned, run down places really sets my inspiration for him in motion.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO ( I would hope so! )

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO ( I’m always thinking of new ones! )

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO ( It’s been awhile, though... )

Do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES!! / NO

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO 

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO ( Generally speaking, I try to be! )

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

     Actual criticism, yes. I don’t mind it. At the same time, however, I’m really just here to have a good time ─ as is everybody else. Growing and developing my writing is always a bonus when I’ve the experience here in an environment I’m comfortable with, but critique isn’t exactly something I go hunting for. I’m here to write the characters I love and adore and honestly, sometimes, it’s better to have the freedom to do things as you wish without the worry of receiving it, no matter how well-intended it may be. It’s all chill times and good vibes doing what we enjoy most.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?

     Absolutely! I love randomly being sent things that keep me thinking with any character. I’m always looking for little intricacies and tidbits to really bring them to life. Sometimes it takes a bit for me to think of something appropriate but I always appreciate the brain candy when it comes to new details! It goes without saying that I’ll happily accept anything that gives reason to my constant, aimless musings related to Pica.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

     Yes and no? I always love hearing other ideas on why someone else’s headcanons differ from my own. For all I know it might be enough to change my mind or, at the very least, give me a different perspective on something I’ve never thought about before. I’m always curious about stuff when it relates to a character I love. As long as they’re not rude about it and we’ve talked to the point it’s not out of the blue, it’s okay. On the other hand, it doesn’t really matter if someone disagrees. We all have our own headcanons and it’s very easy to be respectful about them. Despite what has already been said, there’s a high chance I’m going to keep to my own headcanons as they are regardless, because I put a lot of thought and heart into them. Someone disagreeing with them at face value isn’t going to make me up and throw all that work in the trash just like that.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

     That’s okay. There are plenty of different ways to interpret a character. People are allowed to like and dislike whatever portrayal they so choose, so long as they’re not bashing anyone outright. I would much prefer that be something that’s kept to oneself, however. It’s very easy to simply ignore something you don’t agree with, and it’s just as easy to be kind about things when expressing your own thoughts in comparison with theirs. Plus, there’s always making your own blog and writing whoever however you please! Someone out there is bound to enjoy whatever portrayal you prefer. ♥

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

     Not personal, certainly, unless it was somehow directed at me personally. It’s very understandable. There’s a lot of potential present for actual progressing development, but on the surface Pica is very dislike-able. It’s very clear his purpose was to act as a stepping stone for another major character’s development and there wasn’t much left beyond that. Of course it’s always a sad thing being hopelessly attached to a character like that but as an avid lover of what are often viewed as very minor, niche characters, it’s something I’m very much used to. Perhaps not intense hate in every case, per se, but underappreciated. It just so happens that Pica is... not exactly a good person, putting it kindly. But that’s just another reason I love him so much as a character.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

     Sure! Though chances are I’ve probably already noticed at that point and have been embarrassed about it/fixed it. I’ve probably made many over the years and also not realized it. Most of the time it’s something minor anyway, and a lot of people just naturally read it as it’s supposed to be read. So there’s no trouble!

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?

     I’d certainly like to think so! I tend to be very patient and accommodating. I wholeheartedly stand beside the idea that RPing is meant to be fun and enjoyable and not something that causes more stress. People should take their time with things and set their own pace. Being comfortable is part of what makes RP the wonderful hobby that it is. Really that applies to any hobby, but there are many little things that can turn someone away from doing something they love at any given time. There’s nothing that would hurt me more than unintentionally making something someone enjoys a chore for them. I try my best to make sure everyone knows that I’m really just a chill little bun having a good time doting on characters I love. Pica might not be cordial, but I certainly try to be!

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

     🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

tagged by. @tenyxshx ─ thank you flamingo nerd ♥ ilu

[pcrcdise]

╰ ♡  MUSE 75, TOM HOLLAND, CISMALE ┊ have you seen TROY SINCLAIR around hillston? the 21 year old is said to be a COLLEGE SENIOR. the neighbours would say that they’re ENTITLED and RUTHLESS, but they’re actually SOCIABLE and NONCHALANT. HE often reminds people of quickies in club bathrooms, entirety of his closet filled with designer brands, gym locker rooms. watch out, though. you wouldn’t believe that HE’S A SERIAL DATER AND PUTS HIS SELF WORTH ON THE ATTENTION HE GETS. ( candy, 24, aedt, she/her )

hey  howdy  hey  !  i’m  candy  and  this  is  troy  .  don’t  come  for  me  bc  this  man  is  a  piece  of  shit  (  but  also  pls  love  him  lmao  )  .  find  his  statistics  here  and  a  list  of  wanted  connections  here  or  tag  here  which  i  need  to  update  ,  oop  . 

full name : troy shane sinclair nickname(s) : troy boy , tboy birth date : june thirteen zodiac sign : gemini age : twenty-one gender : cismale pronouns : he / him / his sexual orientation : bisexual romantic orientation : biromantic education : high school diploma , currently studying a bachelor of athletic training at university as a senior

𝙰𝙱𝙾𝚄𝚃

from a very young age, troy’s been active, boisterous and restless. he’s always been doing something and putting his all into it. whether that was imaginative play, puzzles, hands on crafts or the majority of the time he was dancing along to kids shows ( that weren’t on for very long ) or playing outside where he spent most of his time. he was a ball of energy, and still is. he also wanted people to watch him, so he could show off what he was doing to them or for them to play with them. he always wanted attention. ( that hasn’t changed ). that only intensified when his siblings came into the world, and even more so when their mother ‘fucked off’ as he likes to say.

in the current day people know troy sinclair as the guy that doesn’t give a shit about anything, that doesn’t let things worry him. what they don’t know is that after their mother left up until kindergarten, he had separation anxiety, specifically for his father and other close family members. he most definitely clung to dad in those years, fearing he was going to leave too but luckily, for everyone’s sake, he managed to grow out of this when he realised his siblings needed him.

this boy is the epitome of a spoiled, entitled, rich, fuckboy. he only wears designer clothes and dresses to impress, is always wearing expensive watches, drives cars you can only dream of owning, works out/goes for a run every day, parties hard and fucks harder and is renowned for breaking hearts ( he is a gemini, what do you expect? lmao ). he is a good guy he’s just... questionable.

troy thrives on fun and adventure and every weekend is a chance to travel, party or cause chaos. he would very much prefer to be off traveling, exploring, putting his curiosity to good use by discovering new things or partying than sitting at home being lazy. even before turning twenty-one, clubs are one of his playing fields/stomping grounds as well as frat parties and regular bars. 

that’s not to say he’s not a classy mofo either, mates. catch him sporting suit and tie at brunches and galas talking the talk and sipping on expensive wine with his kind. 

troy exudes confidence and luxury. although he may think that the world revolves around him at times and believes he deserves special treatment because of his family’s reputation and wealth, but he will literally talk to anyone. like, he can talk that’s for sure and is one of those people that comes across as being “friends” with everyone. he is sociable and civil ( in his own way ). you may be of lower class and he will still talk to you. 

it’s very hard for troy to stress out or to get upset. school work is getting hard? oh well. i just broke up with my partner? meh. dad’s got another partner? what else is new? you want a fight? bring it on. he is very much a believer in things are meant to happen for a reason and doesn’t tend to take life too seriously ( except for when it comes to prized possessions and even then he can go out and buy some more ). he does get offended though, let’s make that clear. with that being said though, when opportunity arises or he finds something that he wants he will take it and won’t stop until he gets what he wants.

when he is hurt, however, he will bottle it and not say a single word. for someone who’s brutally honest and isn’t shy to give his opinion, troy is very closed off and tends to keep people at a distance or lie to them about his feelings when he’s down.

family is everything to troy! he loves them unconditionally ( even if they annoy the fuck out of him sometimes ) and they are the only people he would lay down his life for. everyone else? nah. he isn’t overly protective over his siblings because he knows they can take of themselves, but will step in when need be like the good big bro he is. 

𝚂𝙴𝙲𝚁𝙴𝚃

troy doesn’t like to be single, can’t be single. not really anyway. there are underlying commitment or abandonment issues when it comes to relationships that are more than likely the root of the problem. along with the fact mama left and papa has had countless partners over the years.

troy doesn’t need to be the centre of attention as he already knows he’s the best, but he expects attention. he works hard on his physique and appearance, putting his self-worth on the constant attention he receives. negative attention isn’t ideal, though he knows that only the best have their haters. being in a relationship is a validation to him that he is worth it, that his looks and who he is is worthy. it’s not healthy, and i think he knows it.

being single for too long gives him doubt, sends him down a downhill spiral of harsh criticism and he feels as though he is nothing without someone, that someone not wanting him is the end of the world in a dramatic sense. 

not only that, but troy actually enjoys the beginning of relationships. the charming smiles, flirting, the chase, going on those first few dates and being showered in compliments ( and giving them, ofc ). he likes getting to know people, likes the process of being strangers to being together, and he enjoys sleeping with new people also. the first touches, the way he can make someone’s heart race and how they can do the same to him. it’s enticing, addicting like drugs. all the way to the honeymoon phase.

he knows it isn’t love, not matter what his lover at the time says. he has never said it, and probably never will because he doesn’t believe in romantic love ( we’ll see ). troy is deep down in love with the idea of love, and it’s sad.

the boy’s relationships tend to last a couple of months at the very most. when that honeymoon phase starts to wear off, when he’s had the sex he needs and feels as though that partner is not doing anything for him anymore… he’s out. any work that needs to be put into a relationship to make it work or when a solid, deep and emotional connection is meant to start forming, he’s done. with that being said, he has never cheated on his spouse! ever! he always leaves first before hoping in the sack with someone else!

break ups are not easy for most people, but for troy it’s nothing. it’s as easy as getting dressed in the morning, like breaking a toothpick. douchebag i know, don’t come for me.

[secludedmoonnn]

The past 2 days haven’t been the best. I’ve been feeling really depressed and I’ve been finding it hard to redirect my thoughts when they become negative. All I have wanted to do is sleep and do nothing. But I have been forcing myself to get up and do my daily “chores”. Make my bed, tidy my room, etc etc. I even got myself to do the kitty litter, completely clean my room and do all my laundry. Towels and bedding included. It was a little rough as my body and brain were against it, but I pushed through. I even put away all the laundry immediately, instead of having it sit in baskets for 2 weeks! But besides all of that, I spent some time hanging out with Rachel yesterday and played some Animal Crossing. They also updated the game a little early, so now we can swim in the ocean!

My aunt and cousins were in town, so we went and visited them. My aunt has been doing really good! She recently finished her chemo sessions and got to ring the bell! 🥰 I also got to see little Karson and Theo! I also visited with Krystal quite a bit and found out that Theo’s dad has been cheating on her their entire relationship of 7 years. She hasn’t been doing well, but she’s doing better than I expected. Me and Kiana are trying to convince her to move to Wdmonton, as it would give her so many more opportunities for Theo and his schooling, as well as her and finding a job, as well as being able to go out and do something. She would also have her siblings here, as well as me, Kiana and my mom. I’m hoping she actually thinks about it. The only reason she moved back to her hometown was for her mom, and as of late, they’ve been going to the lake lot a lot, so she barely sees her parents. I got to meet Cassidy’s new bf, and he seems sooooo sweet and good for her. Her past bf’s haven’t been the best and I haven’t really liked them lol. It was really nice being able to see my family. I told Krystal about us, and she was in complete shock and felt really bad, but I told her that I’m doing okay. I mean, there have been some really rough fucking days, but I got through them. I also gave some advice to her, and told her some things that really helped me. She was super upset because she has been so dependent on Brandon for so long and she’s scared to be alone. And I pretty much told her that she’s gotta do shit for her, stop focusing on him, and try to redirect her energy into things that’ll make her happy and things that’ll help her grow as a person. I just feel kinda bad for Theo in this situation. They’ve been fighting and angry with each other for most of Theo’s life. And with Brandon having a new gf while they are still living together is a little messed up, and I just feel really bad for the little guy rn. Krystal is super depressed and doesn’t play with him as much as she should. I’m hoping these 2 weeks away will help her realize what she needs to do. Both for herself and for Theo.

But besides that, Tuna’s harness came in and she doesn’t hate it! (Pink is so her colour btw lol) So now I can make an appointment at the vet so I can get all her shots updated, as well as get her cough checked out! I also have to go to AMA and DynaLife tomorrow. So I’m trying to keep busy and keep doing things that I need to do for myself. I’m hoping that I can just get my learners card again, and not have to retake the test, but I guess we will see! I just want to try and focus on learning how to drive this summer. I have it as one of my main goals, besides getting my health in check. I still have to go to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned and cavities filled, I’m just scared cause it’s gonna be PRICEY. I’ll just have to go and get things done with months in between appointments, that way I can afford it lol.

I’ve been trying to do lots and not let myself cave into these negative emotions, into my depression, and I’m quite proud of myself. In the past, I don’t think I would have been strong enough to do it. But I am now, and I am so damn proud. I’m so proud of every little thing I’ve been slowly trying to work on. Even if it may not seem big deal to someone else, it definitely is for me. And I’m just so incredibly proud of myself and happy that I’m doing it. Just happy that I’m doing things for me. Things that I’ve been putting off for far too long.

You’ve been on my mind a lot lately. I hope you’ve been doing well and taking care of yourself. And I hope you’re enjoying your time down in High River! I just hope you’re well.