#He sucks he’s like the love cults Tony but worse

[dont-hug-me-its-yuri]

Do you have any OC Teachers or Students?

I technically do, I have two I’ve yet to make art of though…

my first one is my sona/self-insert who works at Peterson and Sons and has doomed yuri with Claire, she’s basically just me but if I was trapped in a puppet vessel (the life)

My other one with no current art is Desmond the Diamond, a love cult members who’s role is to shrine and clean all the jewelry, like the little gold necklaces thy wear with the ritual robes, he’s basically just a self-absorbed dude who spends all his time preening and grooming himself, Shrignold absolutely despises him.

and then unnamed one who does have art (though it is old and I dislike it),they actually came from an art class lesson where we had to draw gestures and I wanted to make them into a dhmis oc but o unfortunately have like no info on them so take the old art of them

[lesbian-deadpool]

They’re The Man

Part Three: Hazing and Getting In With The Guys

Words: 3,134

Warnings: The reader (once again) being kind of embarrassing, PDA, I think that may be it.

Summary: Sometimes you really loved Thor.

Ko-Fi

Commissions

(Not my pics)

---

The first day at Shield was a long and weird one.

So, it only made sense that the night would be the same.

You were awoken by the feeling of cold water landing on you in a harsh splash, choking against the liquid as you moved to sit up. Wet and hazy eyes only just managed to make out the masked and robed men surrounding your bed.

"Rise and shine," the one wearing a red cape said medicinally. He was obviously the leader.

"What in the cult type shit-?" your question was cut off by your yelp at suddenly being hoisted from your now soaked through bed. "Let go." You remembered "the voice". "Let go!" you repeated, deeper this time.

You were carried into the bathroom, thrust onto the cold floor, only to be forced to stand around the open planned showers with other members of the rugby team.

"Welcome to hell!"

'Oh, so soon? Thought that was supposed to happen when I died.'

Screams echoed through the room, and oatmeal -leftover from this morning, you presumed- was flung at you and the surrounding guys.

"Gentlemen! Let me present this year's rugby newbies!"

"But first, you must remove your clothes!" a man looking suspiciously like Sam said.

What?

"Remove their clothes!" the masked men chanted, making the boys around you do as they were ordered, "Remove their clothes! Take off your clothes, now!"

Ha. No.

Now you had to find a way out of this, too.

Ducking down, you fell to your knees and easily crawled past the chanting members of the rugby team and the ones still undressing.

With a slap to the wall, you managed to pull yourself up from the ground. Looking below your palm, you saw what appeared to be your saving grace.

A fire alarm.

With a single look back at the rowdy crowd, you yanked on it, sending ringing throughout the dorm, leaving you to your escape.

You couldn't even get a good night's sleep in peace.

And now? You smelled worse than before.

That's just great.

---

Thor answered the phone with, "Hello. My life sucks," early the next day.

"I'm done!" you told him.

"What?"

"Everyone thinks that I'm a geek, loser, deviant. I'll never even see the field against Hydra, with me being second-string. And not to mention I haven't been able to take a shower, so I smell so bad I'm convulsing people," you ranted, "Weill you just, please, pick me up, take me home, and never let me do anything like this again!"

"Look, Y/N, I don't know about all the rugby stuff." You heard the faint click of his fingers snapping over the phone as you scratched at your wig. "But the social stuff? Now, I might just have an idea!"

"Really?" you asked sceptically, almost afraid of what the man's answer would be.

"Oh, absolutely. We're gonna show everybody just how much of a man you really are."

"Okay, yeah, that sounds great," you replied sarcastically, "How the fuck are we gonna do that?"

---

"Go, Y/N," you heard Thor's voice whisper into the earpiece he had given you, from where he sat within the pizza restaurant, giving you your queue to enter the building.

Two young kids were rushing to the door as you walked through it. Raising both your hands, you said, "High-five." But that got shut down real quick when they straight-up ignored you and left through the door, "Alright, cool. Bye, kids."

Making your way towards Steve, Sam, and Bucky, you nodded to a random girl with a smirk on your face, "Hey, how you doing, beautiful?" Who just smiled at you in return.

"Sup?" you asked the guys who had just finished filling out their booth, taking up any -and all- room left.

"What's up?" they all greeted, just as Thor spoke for the second time.

"Go, Wanda."

From the corner of your eye, you saw the pale brunette heading your way, clad in a tight skirt and shirt.

"Hey, Tony," she greeted, wrapping her arms around you in a hug, "Grab my ass," she whispered in your ear.

"What?"

"Just do it."

Your hand was basically on her ass anyway. But at her request, you fully cupped her behind.

"Hey, Wanda." Throwing a smirk to the boys watching you and the girl intently. "Hey, how are you, baby?"

"Not the same without you," Wanda replied, fingers gripping your jaw moving it side to side, "I mean, how could I be?"

"I know, and I'm sorry. But, y'know, new school, new babe pool."

"Aha, I know." She nodded, brushing her hands over your chest and arms. "I miss you, Tony. So much. I've been thinking about you, a lot. Especially when I'm alone... and cold at night. You were always so good at keeping me warm," Wanda said seductively, causing your eyes to blow wide in shock.

"Sweet," you had to keep your voice from raising in pitch. As her hands travelled down you your waist, making their way under the hem of your T-shirt.

"It was worth not being able to walk properly the next day."

"That's even better."

Wanda drew you in for another hug, allowing you to whisper in her ear once more, "I'm gonna beat the shit outa you." The brunette giggled, acting as if you were whispering sweet nothings in her ear.

"Oh, Tony."

"Okay, now, big, mournful sigh. Bittersweet farewell. You're nothing but his consensual plaything, honey," Thor instructed, and the girl followed.

"It was really great to see you, hot stuff," she said, pulling back and drawing your hands with her, "Call me anytime. I'll always be here. Ready and waiting." She puckered her lips, ready for you to kiss her.

Not knowing what else to do, you kissed your fingertips and pressed them to her lips.

Knowing that wasn't good enough with the way Wanda blinked her eyes open at you, you redyed yourself to hear her beg for a kiss. Only for you to deny her and for her to finally walk away so that the rest of Thor's plan could play out.

But what did actually happen surprised you.

Your friend reached over, placed her hands on your cheeks and pulled you in, making a show of kissing you.

The kiss only lasted for a few seconds until you cupped the underside of her jaw in your hand and turned her face away from yous.

A dreamy sigh escaped Wanda's lips before she walked away.

You watched her ass sway as she strutted away. "I'd tap that. I did tap that." Looking over your shoulder at the boys still watching you intently, you remarked, "Women, am I right?"

"Yeah," the boys agreed, smiling and nodding to your words.

"Thank you, Wanda, you're amazing," Thor spoke, "And go for, Valkyrie."

"Tony? Is that you?"

"Hey, what's going on, Valkyrie?" you greeted the girl in the tight dress, making her way towards you, throwing herself into your arms.

"Right, who's this one?" Steve asked the boys behind you.

"Nothing's 'going on' at all." She shrugged. "Everything's boring now that our school lost you. I mean, who else could possibly be the 'Top Gun', other than Tony Stark?"

It was unmistakable.

The mischievous twinkle in her brown eyes.

And that's when you knew.

He and Wanda had a bet on who cold to the most as your "ex-girlfriend".

You were so gonna get them both after this.

"Well," you coughed, clearing your throat as you leaned against the seats where the man were sitting in the booth. Watching as Valkyrie manoeuvred herself nearer and nearer until she was pressed up against your body, as you spoke, "The time comes for a man to move along, Val."

"I know, baby," she cooed, hand holding yours, with your other arm hung over her shoulder, slowly trailing your palm up her body, "In the end, I wasn't woman enough for you."

With a hiss like you had been burned, you whipped your hand away from where Valkyrie had pulled it to rest on her breast.

"No, you weren't."

"And that's just something I'll always have to live with." You spotted Thor miming along with her words out of the corner of your eye.

"I'm afraid you will, baby."

"It just hurts, is all," she pretended to cry.

You shrugged. "What can I say? Love is pain."

A small yelp sounded from your mouth when she suddenly thrust you into her.

"Just know, no one could be as good as you in any way. I'll never forget you, Tony. Ever!" Valkyrie wept, "Never!"

She turned to leave, momentarily stopping her fake tears to just out her ass and wiggle it slightly, throwing you an expectant look over her shoulder.

Getting what she was after, you swiftly smacked her behind, sending her on her way out of the restaurant, fake sobs once more echoing through the building.

"Needy," you told the guys, "Had to cut it off before things got too serious." With that, you moved away, letting them talk between themselves, as per Thor's instructions.

"Tony?" Your ears perked up at that.

Christine.

Thor scrambled from his table. "Not good. Very, not good. Don't let her get too close. She'll see your face and recognise you." Then Thor was off. Running from her view.

"Wait, Thor. What do I do? This wasn't a part of the plan!"

"Tony?" your brother's girlfriend exclaimed, insulted that you hadn't come running when she first spoke.

"Stay away from me!" you yelled, pulling two pitchers from a random table up, to obscure your face, "I'm avoiding you for a reason, woman."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Ladies." You nodded to the women at the table you placed the pitchers onto. "Y'know, what? Don't come any closer, Christine." A menu hid your face now. "It's over!"

"Tony? What are you talking about?"

"I don't wanna talk to you." You ran from her as she followed you around the restaurant. "You're fucking insane!"

"Come back here."

"Go away, Christine. You're hot, girl. Smoking hot."

"Come back here, right now!"

"But you don't seem to understand that there are plenty of hot girls out there- Sorry," you uttered to one of the chefs smiling in amusement as you rushed behind the viewing bar, "And the truth is, you have absolutely nothing else left to offer." You thrust a large stack of pizza boxes into her arms before she could catch or see your face. "And when my eyes are closed, I finally see you for what you truly are, which is ugly! We're done, Christine. Done!"

Your brother's now apparent ex-girlfriend dropped the pizza boxes with a scream and ran from the building as everyone within cheered for you.

"Whoo, yeah! That was amazing!" Steve yelled as he Sam and Bucky jumped up from their seats.

"You the man!" Sam celebrated.

"Come on, you're gonna sit here with us." Steve ushered you to their booth. "Make some room for our new friend, guys."

You fist-bumped Thor as he walked by, silently thanking him with your eyes for his successful mission, as you moved to sit beside Sam in the booth.

"You're officially my idol now, dude," Steve high-fived you.

And so lead you into your newfound popularity.

---

"Hey, hey, Tony," Sam caught up to you the next day at school as you were about to walk into science class, "I need your advice, man. I got relationship troubles."

"I'm here for you, bro. I've got a lifetime of knowledge," you replied arrogantly. Which, strangely enough, is exactly what your brother would do.

"So, how long did you date that blonde girl for, anyway?" Steve asked across from you in class.

"Way too long, man." You shook your head. "I can't believe it lasted more than a week if I'm honest."

Which was true.

You couldn't believe how Tony dated her for as long as he did. And not just with how Tony was with dating.

Just then, your phone started ringing, 'Barbie Girl' blasting from it, from when Wandaset that as Valkyries ringtone as a joke.

You were quick to shut it off, showing the guys your call list.

"Valkyrie," you said, "She won't stop calling me, man. I think she's obsessed."

"Oh my, God."

"What?" you asked, slightly worried over Steve's panicked state.

"Oh my, God."

"What?"

"She's in our class."

"Who?" You looked over to see the red-head, whose name you still didn't know, walking with her black haired friend. And Bruce. Following behind them like some creepy lost puppy. "Dude, you're blushing." you teased Steve.

"Shut up. I'm not blushing," he grit over to you.

"Uh, yeah, ya' are."

"Everyone, please take a slip," the teacher said before Steve could reply to you, thrusting out a jar to your table, "And read off the name of your lab partner for the rest of the year."

The last of the papers were handed out to your small group. There were only three slips left, so Bucky decided to be the one without.

Steve was the first to read his off.

"Bucky Barnes." Sam visibly reacted negatively behind Steve when he heard that. "Hey, Buck, looks like I'm stuck with you. Who you got, Sam?"

"Uh... Sharon Carter."

"Natasha Romanoff," you read next, looking around the room, hoping the girl had heard her name, so you could see who you were partnered up with.

The red-head you bumped into, the one Steve had a massive crush on, nodded and waved to you in reply. You waved back to her with a small smile of your own.

At least you finally knew her name.

"Woah, wait. You know her?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, we talked for a bit on my first day."

"About what? She gave you the nod, dude."

"Yeah, she did, a good one, too." Sam nodded.

Bucky chirped in next, "She gives good nods."

"Guys, it's just a nod, chill out."

"I can't believe you got her as your lab partner." Steve's eyes lit up. "Hey, hey, switch with me."

"What? No."

"Switch-"

"I can't, bro. I said her name out loud. She heard me, for Christ's sakes." You gathered your books then and left to go sit with your new lab partner. Natasha Romanoff. The pretty red-head.

"Hey, you," Natasha greeted happily.

"Hi. I don't think we properly introduced ourselves before. It was... a bit hectic that day." You offered your hand for her to shake, which she readily did. "I'm Tony."

"Natasha."

"It's nice to meet you again, Natasha."

"Trust me. The feeling's mutual," she smiled, looking you up and down in your seat, watching as you leaned closer to her.

"Liste, I'm gonna be completely honest here. The whole dissecting thing kinda, really, freaks me out. So, uh, you may have to take the reins on this one."

With a slight shake of her head and a look that only held the light of impressment, Natasha said, "Wow. Y'know, most guys would never admit to anything like that."

"Well, I'm not like most guys."

She didn't know how true that sentence was.

"Yeah, I bet. I think it's refreshing." She gave a half shrug. "You don't see many guys so open to being vulnerable like that."

"Really?" You smiled at the red-head.

Suddenly, Bruce jumped into action, realising the flirting going on between the two of you, seemingly before you even did. Waving a sheet of yellow paper between your connected eyes.

"No paper near the bunsen burner."

Natasha grabbed the paper from the man, your eyes widening when you realised what it was.

"Wait. Wait. Wait." You reached out to take the sheet from her. But Natasha quickly pulled it to her chest and away from your grabbing hand.

"What's this? Powens?" If they were. Natasha thought she might just break with how smitten she was over you.

"I, uh... it's more like the beginning of a short story." You scratched the back of your head, watching on awkwardly as she silently read your work in front of you.

Natasha swallowed before her eyes returned to your form. "This is beautiful. These sketches yours too?" She asked, referencing the drawings littered around the page.

"Yes." You nodded sheepishly. "Yes, they are."

"They're amazing. You really are multitalented, aren't you?"

"Oh." You straightened up at her beyond honest praise.

"Thank you."

"I. I write stories too, Natasha," Bruce rushed to say. Trying to steal the girl's attention away so that he could have it all to himself, "Well, more so songs." He hoped that would make her swoon more.

"Really, Bruce? That's wonderful," Natasha replied shortly, not wanting to spare him even a glance. Far too interested in everything that was you.

"Yeah, check it out," then he started singing a song he was obviously making up on the fly, "I see you through your window, while I'm standin' on a tree outside."

The red-head looked away, trying not to laugh at the boy who was so unmistakably in love with her.

With your head in your hand, you mouthed over to the girl, 'He's a creep.'

That got her to release a snort, turning further away from Bruce as she hid her face in her hands.

You smiled at her.

You were in so much trouble.

---

"Ow!" you exclaimed when you were suddenly grabbed by Steve at the end of class, pulling you to some empty seats by the window. "What the hell you doin'?

"Did you say anything about me?"

"What? When?"

"To Natasha," he clarified.

"No," you scoffed, "What? Was I supposed to?"

"Come on, bro. This is perfect."

"You wanna clarify that for me, big guy?"

"Right. Right. You get to spend an hour with her like every other day. You can convince her to go out with me."

"Dude, she's had that option for like three and a half years," you reasoned to the man, "I think she's made herself pretty clear."

"Okay. I'll tell you what." Steve leaned towards you in his seat in front of the window. "You do this. I'll work with you on your rugby. I'll make you good enough to be first-string."

"By the Hydra game?" you asked, intrigued.

"Absolutely."

You thought about it for a few moments you liked Natasha. You really did. But rugby was the reason you were here, it was what you wanted to do with your life. It was your first option. The thing you were working towards.

So, the answer was clear.

With a smile, you nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay. You got yourself a deal."

"You're the man." Steve reached out his fist towards you, and you swiftly bumped it with your own.

"Yes, I am."

And so, the deal was struck.

Now just came the hard work.

---

Permanent Taglist: 

@imnotasuperhero, @veteranwerewolf95, @natasha-danvers, @marvelfansince08love, @higherfurther-romanova, @lesbian-x-blackwidow, @sestra-inestro, @thelastavenger-3000, @mixed-fandom-mess, @wannabe-fic-reader, @vancityfire13, @wouldirunofftheworldsomeday, @007giu, @fayhar, @xxromanoffxx, @poptartpoppyy, @wlwfanfictionss, @diaryoflife, @pointconji, @readings-stuff, @tokyo-liv, @imadethisblogbecauseiamasimp, @natashaownsmyheart, @marrymemcgrath, @scorpiosloveletter, @idkevenfuckenknow, @wandanatfan, @izalesbean, @iblameitonclint, @bizarrealex, @lorsstar1st, @bak3rio, @heybitches-amirightbitches, @lokisjuicyass, @marie-yt-blog, @mrswandaromanoff, @pointconji, @i-need-somebody-else, @druggedduck​,

SFW Taglist: 

@peggycarter-steverogers, @natalia-quinzel, @stupendoussportspaperempath, @genderfluid-moth​,

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Sweet Pea, Fangs & Toni//you left me no choice but to stay here forever

Request: Hey, can I request the reader dating Toni, sweet and fangs? Where they break up with the reader because she doesn't want to join the farm and she's go to Archie's house and they kiss but someone sees them and blackmail her when she gets back together with lover three lovers and she tells them what happened and they forget her and only if you feel comfortable writing this and btw I love your writing

hey! i hope you like this! it’s angsty, but with a happy ending! 

It’s weird to think back to before. 

Before The Farm took over Riverdale. Before it stole your neighbours, your friends even some of your family. 

Before it took them. 

For months The Farm had just been a lingering threat, something that ran in the background while you got on with the rest of your life. And yeah, every so often you would see a neighbours house packed up, or a classmate wouldn’t be at school for a few days and then they’d turn up in all white, but for the most part it didn’t bother you. 

You hadn’t been directly affected by Edgar Evernever and his cult, you just knew people that had. You watched Betty try to desperately save her mother and sister from the clutches of the people who seemed to kill with kindness. You would watch her and notice how she never seemed to breathe properly, even during class her breaths were always half what they should be. 

You never thought it would happen to you, and then it did and it was far worse than you’d ever imagined. 

Sunday the 7th of March was supposed to be a great day. The sun was shining, birds were singing and there was a light breeze blowing through Riverdale, which was surprising for the season. Usually it’s still quite chilly this time of year, but you could leave with just a light jacket thrown over your t-shirt. 

As you said goodbye to your mom, your mind was too busy thinking of other things. Toni, Fangs and Sweet Pea were the only things you could think about as you closed the door behind you and did one last check of your pockets to make sure you had everything, and a small smile ghosted your lips as you thought about what the four of you would be doing today. 

Maybe you would spend all day at Pop’s. You’d steal Fangs’ fries or Sweet Pea’s milkshake while Toni distracted them. The four of you would argue about who was paying, despite knowing that in the end it would be split between all of you. 

Or maybe you’d go to the quarry and build a bonfire to light when the sun sets. You’d stop off at the store first to get supplies for a picnic and you’d spend the day underneath the sun, surrounded by your favourite people. 

And then when the sun set and the temperature dropped, the four of you would walk through the dark streets, huddled together for warmth but none of you would really feel the cold anyway. You’d be too busy laughing at Fangs’ stupid jokes or your realisation that you had homework due the next day that you hadn’t even started. 

However, as soon as Sweet Pea, Fangs and Toni turned up on your front step, all dressed in white and making you jump about three foot when you turned around and they were just staring at you, you knew that whatever plans you had imagined, would not be happening...maybe ever again. 

As soon as you saw the matching white outfits and the same distant stare in their eyes, you knew. Your heart sank as you tried to force a smile, but you’re sure it looked more distorted than you’d wanted. Your lips were pulled too tight, your eyes a little too wide with fear. 

“Oh, er. Hey guys.” You forced out, almost dropping your keys in the process and you quickly scrambled to catch them up. 

When you looked at them again, it was like staring at three strangers. The people you’d grown up with and fallen in love with were long gone, instead replaced with empty vessels whose only purpose was to spread the message of The Farm. 

You now knew how Betty felt, and soon you found it difficult to breathe. 

“Why are you crying?” Toni was the first to speak and you hadn’t even realized you were crying until she pointed it out. 

“This is a good thing.” Sweet Pea smiled and placed a hand on your shoulder. His smile was fake and his hand was cold so you shrugged it off and the two of you watched as his hand fell back to his side. 

“We’re going to be healed.” Fangs added. 

“None of you need healing.” You’d argued, despite knowing how pointless it was. Over a day it seemed they’d been sucked into The Farm with false promises and fake kindness. 

“Sure we do.” Toni smiled. “And you can be too.” 

“Yeah. You just need to join us.” Sweet Pea said and your eyes widened. 

There was no way in hell you were joining them. Either this was some huge unfunny joke, or they had actually been brainwashed because the Toni, Fangs and Sweet Pea from a few days ago, knew your opinions on The Farm. And they knew you would never join, no matter what. You thought they felt the same, bu clearly you didn’t know them as well as you thought you did. 

“I’d rather not.” You shook your head. “Why don’t you guys come in and we can talk about this?” You tried and motioned back to the door. The three of them shared a look before staring back at you. 

There was once a time when you would look into their eyes and feel like you were coming home. But when you looked in their eyes this time, they just felt cold. Like there was nothing familiar left.

A whole lifetime together was just gone. All past memories now felt tainted, and any hope for a future together had just died a slow, horrible death right in front of your eyes. If you concentrated hard enough you could see the remnants of your relationship lying limply on the floor, while members of The Farm kicked it.

“No.” Fangs said and you stared at him in disbelief. 

“Why not?” You’d argued. “I really think we should talk about this.” You remember being able to feel your heartbeat in your face and you were sure at one point it was going to explode. 

Who knows what they were doing there. Betty had mentioned something about floating babies and sadistic rituals, and you weren’t sure about the rest of the Riverdale population, but you sure as hell knew that you did not want that to happen. Not to you or anyone else.  

“No.” Sweet Pea had cut you off and you stared back at him annoyed. 

“We need to go now.” Toni added and took a quick glance around. “It’s for the greater good.” 

“The greater good?” You’d repeated. “Who’s?” 

“Yours.” The three of them had said at the same time and you felt your blood run cold. 

“Please.” You’d begged. You would have done literally everything for them to turn and tell you that it was a joke, or even for them to suddenly see sense and think ‘what the fuck are we doing?’ But they didn’t. Instead they just stared at you, eyes unblinking and faces unresponsive to you crying. 

Normally you could’t let one tear escape before at least one of them noticed and was on top of you, squashing you in a gigantic hug that only grew as the others joined. 

“We can talk about this. I promise. Just please don’t go back.” You pleaded. Fangs’ lip wobbled but he soon recovered and instead just averted his gaze. 

Sweet Pea and Toni did the same thing, before Sweet Pea took a deep breath and stepped towards you. 

You were so sure he was going to wrap his arms around you and pull you into his chest, and you were sure if he did you’d never leave. He’d just be stuck with you like this and you’d make Toni and Fangs join and that’s just how the four of you would be known. 

Its a hell of a lot better than whatever the hell this is. 

“It’s over.” He said and more tears rolled down your cheek. 

“What?” You asked, your jaw slack as you tried to grab onto them. You needed to make them stay. If they stayed you could help. You could figure out why they felt like they needed to leave. 

Why did they need to join a cult?

Maybe it was your own fault. Maybe you hadn’t been paying enough attention to them. Maybe they’d been crying out for help for months now but you didn’t notice and now it was too late. 

“We’re sorry.” Toni whispered and pulled her arm from your grip. 

You watched them walk away, and no matter how hard you tried to will yourself to follow, you just felt yourself sliding down onto the dusty ground.

You don’t know how long you stayed there for, just staring at the dead flowers surrounding the front door. You just remember the sun setting, casting the Southside in shadows, all of which seemed to follow you wherever you went. 

They left you, so you did the only thing you could. You ran. 

You ran through the cold and grey streets of Southside, until you found yourself outside the house of the only other person that knew you almost as well as they did. 

Archie Andrew’s. 

And for a good five minutes you just stood outside and stared at the front door, listening to the movement coming from inside the home. The light flicked on behind the door and Archie’s frame came into view. You couldn’t quite force yourself to look at his face, so instead you looked at Vegas who was happily bouncing up and down at the possibility of being cuddled by someone that didn’t live with him. 

“Hey Y/n. What are you doing?” He asked and a sob escaped your lips. His arms wrapped around as he pulled you inside, and slammed the door shut behind you. And then you followed him up the creaky stairs, Vegas running behind the two of you. 

“I’m so stupid.” You sobbed once inside his room. You hoped the dull lamp would hide just how sad you were, but you had a feeling Archie knew from the moment he saw you. 

The smell of freshly washed laundry made you feel a little better as you looked at the pile of clothes sat on Archie’s bed. You knew he wouldn’t put them away until at least Tuesday, he always did. Archie wrapped his arms around you, pulling your gaze from the clothes. 

His sweatshirt felt soft against your skin and you could feel your tears dampening the material. “A part of me thought it would just die down. That I wouldn’t be affected. But now it’s taken the three most important people away from me and I don’t know what to do.” You cry, your words mixed and stumbled into each other and you’re not entirely sure how Archie managed to even understand you, but somehow he did. 

“What do you mean?” He asked and stroked the top of your head. 

“The Farm. Sweet Pea, Fangs and Toni joined The Farm and broke up with me.” You cried and you swore Archie’s heart skipped a beat. 

“Wha-at?” He stuttered and pulled away from you. “They’re at The Farm?”

“Yeah.” You nodded and let out another loud sob. A breeze from the open window made the curtains flutter a little and the warm tears rolling down your cheeks turned cold. 

“I’m really sorry Y/n.” He sighed and pulled you in for another hug. “You’re not joining though are you?” He asked, a hint of panic in his voice as he looked at you, his eyes full of concern and something else that you couldn’t quite place. 

“What? No!” You replied, almost offended that he’d think something like that. 

“Good.” He sighed. “I don’t know what I would have done if you’d joined.” He’d added and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. 

He was acting weird and a part of you was terrified that he’d also joined. You don’t think you could have coped if he’d gone too. When you look back, it just feels like something that was slowly getting close to you. 

First it was someone that went to the same book club as your mom. And then it was a neighbour from down the road. It was a girl from school that you sat beside in Chemistry, followed by a closer friends mom. And then it was a cousin, and now it was them. 

“I don’t know what to do.” You sighed and looked at Archie. You’re probably looked completely and utterly broken, to be honest, you felt like that too. So what compelled Archie to do what he did was beyond you. 

One minute you’re crying because one you’ve just been broken up with, and two the people you loved the most had broken up with you to join a cult. They’d chosen Edgar Evernever over you! 

And the next thing you know, Archie’s warm lips are moving against your own, and for some bizarre reason you were kissing him back. Your eyes widened when you realised what you were doing and you soon pushed yourself away from him, forcing the two of you to stare at each other with matching expressions. 

“Shit Y/n, I’m sorry. I er, I don’t even know why I did that.” He rambled quickly and looked around his room, desperate for a distraction...or a time machine. 

“No, no.” You shook your head frantically. You didn’t want to lose anyone else. “It’s fine. It’s already forgotten about.” You added and forced a smile making him chuckle awkwardly and rest his hand on your shoulder. 

“I’ll get you some ice cream and then we can start planning on how to get them back.” He replied, his red hair catching the moonlight streaming in through the window and you nodded slowly, trying to get your thoughts in order. 

Ice cream, plan, save them. 

It sounded easy enough.

But that was then, and this is now. 

This is after. 

The dust has settled, leaving behind the remnants of a life once lived. The Farm is slowly falling apart, yet there’s no sign of any of them leaving, and so it’s just you left alone to live out your life as if nothing has happened. 

You go to school and if they’re there, they ignore you, but it’s not like you could even get close to them anyway. You pretend you don’t see them when they sit together at lunch, and thankfully they do the same. It still hurts, but it would hurt more if they looked at you. 

At least this way you can pretend that they’ve been brainwashed to forget you, instead of them just choosing to ignore you. 

It’s been grey since they left, or at least it’s has been to you. The sun no longer shines and the birds no longer sing. It’s just a whole lot of nothing. You go through the day feeling empty, but pretend you don’t. 

You force laughs and smiles when Archie says something funny, and when he smiles at you, it does make you feel a little better. Because at least he’s no longer worried about you. 

A knock at the door forces Archie to pause his boring TV show and you silently thank whoever is outside. He huffs and stands and you fake a pout before following him downstairs. You’ve been craving popcorn since the moment you got here, and now seems like the perfect excuse to get some. 

Plus, you’re hoping that either whoever is at the door is going to be a while, or if that fails, making your food will take at least half an hour. 

“Do you want anything?” 

“Nah, I’ll just steal whatever you have.” He grins in reply and you roll your eyes at him. 

You grab the bag of popcorn Archie hid in the cupboard and start pouring it into a bowl. The door opens and you hear hushed voiced making you frown in confusion and spill some of the food on the counter. 

You curse and quickly pick it up, shoving a few of them in your mouth before grabbing the bowl and heading back out to where Archie is stood. 

He glances back at you and you’re about to tell him that you’re gonna go back upstairs, and if he’s not up there within the next two seconds you’re putting something else on to watch, when you hear someone you never thought you’d ever hear again. 

“Y/n?” Sweet Pea asks quietly and you freeze. The bowl of popcorn you were holding falls to the floor with a loud clatter and popcorn spills out.  Archie looks back at you, an unreadable expression on his face and you stare at him wide eyed. 

“Do you want me to get rid of them?” He whispers and you shrug lamely. You honestly don’t know what you want. If this was a few months ago, you would have thrown that popcorn bowl to the floor, shoved Archie out of the way and thrown yourself at all three of them. 

It wouldn’t be a pretty reunion with tears and snot and everything, but it was the only thing you could think about. For a while it was the only thing that kept you going, the hope that they would come back to you and the four of you could go back to normal. 

You could resume your endless texts and phone calls until the early hours of the morning, all of you whispering as to not walk anybody up. You could continue to sneak out once your parents had gone to bed, and the race to sneak back in before they woke up. 

The days nights spent at the Wyrm watching Fangs and Sweet Pea beat newbies at pool while you kept Toni company during her shift and she’d sneak the three of you free drinks for the night. Only to revoke that rule when Sweet Pea or Fangs would act far too big headed for their own good. 

You would have given anything to sit underneath the bleachers in the bitter January cold, bundled in jackets and hats while carving stupid stuff into the wood and kicking dirt around. 

But now, you don’t know. Because even if you could get back to that. Even if by some miracle, you could forget about everything that had happened between the four of you. If you forgave them for leaving you behind, you don’t know if you could. You don’t know if you wanted to. 

After all, they did leave. 

You don’t know why they joined, it all happened so quickly you’re not sure if you missed the warning signs or not. Maybe it was your fault, and if it was, did they deserve to be with someone that would miss a collective cry for help? 

No, they didn’t. 

And so you pushed down that gut feeling of seeing them again. Seeing them properly. You pushed away the daydreams of the reunion and you pushed away any plans you had for a future with them. 

It wasn’t fair on any of you. 

“Yes.” You whisper and he nods before turning back to face them.

“She isn’t here.” He starts and you don’t have to see Sweet Pea to know he’s rolling his eyes. 

“Please dude.” Fangs starts and you hold back a sob. 

“We just want to talk to her.” Toni adds and your expression soften. Some of the ice surrounding your heart thaws and now you can’t help the second thoughts creeping into your mind. 

What if you can get back to how it was? You’ve known them for as long as you can remember, that’s got to mean something. Even if you can’t go back to loving them (who are you kidding, you never stopped) you could maybe get back to some sort of friendship, and then who knows what could happen.

“It’s fine.” You force yourself to speak and Archie stares at you surprised. 

“Are you sure?” He mumbles and you nod quickly. You’re sure you’re walking in slow motion as you make your way towards the door. It’s 3 steps if that, but it feels like 300, and then finally when you manage to grab onto the door and swing it open, Sweet Pea, Toni and Fangs stare back at you, sorrow and guilt swimming in their eyes.

Sweet Pea shoves his hands in his jean pockets, Toni puts hers in her jacket and Fangs just stares at his. None of you know what to say. 

You’re hoping that if they came here, they at least knew what they were going to do. But then again, after the countless of possible reunions you’ve imagined in your head, you’re just as clueless as to what to do as they are. 

So instead you just stare at them, and will yourself not to cry. Archie shifts awkwardly behind you and places a comforting hand on your shoulder and you feel yourself relax a little. 

Since they left, there’s barely been a time that he hasn’t left your side. He’s been constantly trying to cheer you up or helping you plan on how to break the three of them out. None of your plans have worked, but it’s the thought that counts. And at least he can make you smile, even if some of them are fake. 

He was already your best friend before all of this, but now it’s like you’re even closer. It’s the only good thing that has come out of this, and you hope that now they’re back, they two of you can remain close. 

“You’re mom said this is where you’d be.” Toni is the first to speak and everyone looks at her. She shrinks under the pressure, and you watch as she shakes her head and whispers something to herself before standing up straighter. 

“Okay.” You nod and she looks at Sweet Pea and then Fangs. 

“We wanted to say we’re sorry.” Fangs tries to help, but even that comes out a bit flat and he sighs. What do you say to someone after coming back from a cult? 

“Okay.” You repeat and look around. 

“We are really sorry Y/n.” Sweet Pea finishes and you finally force yourself to look each of them in the eye. 

No matter how hard you try, you can’t stay mad at them. You don’t think you could even if you wanted to. Yeah, what they did sucked, and it hurt like hell. It always will. But they’re back and they’re standing on Archie Andrew’s doorstep for you. 

“We can’t even to begin to explain how sorry we are. We have no idea what even happened. It all happened so quickly and I guess well, I guess that’s what they just do. They pull you in somehow and then the next thing you know you’re wearing matching outfits and having nightly meetings with half the town.” Toni rambles, and Sweet Pea and Fangs nod along. “We’re sorry we left, and we’re sorry we asked you to join and we’re so sorry we broke up with you.” 

“It’s fine.” You say after a deep breath, and surprisingly you actually mean it. Despite everything, they are still your friends no matter what happens between you all. “Really. Clearly there was a reason why you thought joining a cult would solve all of your problems, and I must have missed it somehow.” You add and they stare at you confused. 

“I love you.” Toni says and wraps you up in a hug. You’re a little taken back, but accept it anyway. It’s nice to be wrapped in her arms again. “It’s okay, you don’t have to say it back. I’ve just missed you and I’m so glad we’re back.” 

“I-er. I love you too.” You stutter. “All of you.” You look at Sweet Pea and Fangs and they look down shyly. “It’s just, there’s something I need to tell you firs-” 

“Aw, isn’t this a nice little reunion.” A tall man claps slowly, as he approaches the five of you. You and Archie stare at each other confused, while Sweet Pea, Toni and Fangs look around nervously. 

The man who you can now tell is dressed in white stands at the bottom of the steps, his white t-shirt looks a little grey in areas and he hastily tucks it into his jean, his smile only growing when he makes eye contact with you. 

You shift uncomfortably and the four of them automatically step further in front of you. They share a confused look and Archie soon drops their gaze, instead deciding to stand beside you. 

“What do you want Albert?” Toni asks and her eyes narrow at the tall blonde standing in front of you. 

“Just let it go. The Farm is gone.” Sweet Pea rolls his eyes. 

“Actually.” His smile grows and his eyes narrow as he looks straight past them and at you instead. “I’m not here for you. You three are weak anyway. You ran at the first sign of trouble.” 

“No, we left when the FED’s came.” Fangs mumbles making you stifle a laugh and he looks at you pleasantly surprised to have made you laugh. He’s missed that sound, they all have and they all really hope they’ll be able to hear it every day again. 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” He pinches Toni’s cheek and taps Sweet Pea’s as he makes his way up the stairs. “I’m here for her.” He says and stares directly at you. You swallow thickly, but the lump in your throat remains and you quickly look at the rest of the group. 

“Me?” You ask confused. “Why?” Your voice shakes, no matter how hard you try not to sound scared. 

“Yeah, why her?” Archie asks and Albert switches his attention from you to him. 

“I’m so glad you asked!” He grins gleefully, it’s concerning how much this guy is smiling, especially considering everything that is happening to his home. “I’m here to ask her to kindly persuade you guys to come back.” 

“And why would I do that?” You narrow your eyes and stand up straighter. 

“Because if you don’t.” He starts and leans in towards you. “I might have to tell them about a kiss you shared with a certain red-head, not even 8 hours after they broke up with you.” He whispers in your ear and your eyes widen. 

He laughs and steps backwards, making sure to look at each of you individually before looking back at you. His eyes glint in the sunlight but there’s nothing welcoming about it. 

“So, what are you going to do Y/n?” He asks making you sigh and look at the floor. 

You regretted it as soon as it happened and you have been regretting it ever since. 

“Me and Archie kissed.” You blurt out and everyone stares at you. “But it only happened once and it was a huge mistake...no offence Archie.” 

“None taken.” He nods.

“I was upset and it was the day you left and I didn’t know what to do. So I came here because I didn’t want to be alone and I genuinely just wanted to hang out with a friend but I was crying and sad and a bit angry and he kissed me and I kissed him back. But I stopped after like a second and we’ve never done it since. We haven’t even talked about it.” 

“Y/n?” Sweet Pea places his hands on your shoulders, forcing you to look at him. 

“It’s fine.” He nods. “I think it’s the least we deserve.” He adds and looks behind him. Toni and Fangs nod in agreement and you feel yourself calm down. 

“Now dude, you’re really upsetting our girl, and you’re annoying the hell out of me. So can you leave?” Fangs asks, and shoves the guy down the stairs. He stumbles and falls but quickly stands up again and huffs at you all. 

“We made the mistake of following you once. We’re not going to do it again.” Sweet Pea adds and sends a small smile to you. 

His fingers reach out towards you nervously and you find yourself having to suppress a smile at seeing a nervous Sweet Pea. It’s something you’ve only seen a handful of times and it’s very cute. 

You close the gap between your fingers, giving his hand a squeeze and his smile grows. 

Fangs has practically kicked Albert back into his creepy white van that he came out of and the five of you wave him off. 

“I’ll see you around Y/n.” Archie glances at the other nervously before quickly disappearing back into his house and a slightly awkward silence surrounds the four of you. Suddenly you feel like you did when you first started dating. 

It was new to all four of you. It’s hard enough to balance a relationship with just two people in it, but four? How the hell were you supposed to do that. All you know is that you liked all of them and they liked you, and so that was enough. 

Maybe it’ll be enough now. At least just for a little bit. Of course there’s going to be long talks and tears and definitely some trauma. But you’ve done all of that before, so maybe you can do it again. 

“Sorry if I was out of line calling you our girl.” Fangs quickly apologises and kicks a few stones around on the ground. 

“You weren’t.” You reply and cup his cheek. “That’s what I am. I always will be.” 

support my writing! if you want! 

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #235: Havoc on the Homefront!

September, 1983

Welcome to the Wizard’s Mansion of Mechanized Mayhem!

This cover has got it going on!

Where “it” is “multiple things.”

Still, I love covers that are just like ‘here’s a couple things happening today’ and this is a great version of that concept with the things being viewing screens that the Wizard is looking at.

He’s watching the Avengers in various peril channel.

This is a good cover!

So last time: uh, a couple things. Wasp called Vision and Scarlet Witch in as reservists when Annihilus tried to blow up the universe with an invisible dome. The two basically contributed nothing but Vision was thrown into a robotic coma.

Wanda and Vision in a tube moved into the mansion while he recovers and Wanda recapped her entire backstory including new retcon that Magneto is totally her dad.

Then she had a Dr. Strange crossover. Since it also involved Monica, two Avengers makes it notable enough to synopsize in brief. And its titled Assault on Avengers Mansion! so its like its baiting me.

Dr. Strange astral projects to bother Wanda when she’s trying to get some grief reading in. He wants to find the Darkhold and she’s the last known possessor or vice versa because thats when she was possessed by Cththon and had to be saved with a care bear stare from the Avengers. But Dr. Strange really wants the Darkhold to stop Dracula from getting it. Yes, Dracula.

Since the Darkhold is being stored in a vault at Avengers Mansion after Beast brought it back from Wundagore, Dracula’s cult attacks and manages to break into the Mansion. Dr. Strange, Wanda, and Captain Marvel all fight off Dracula’s cult and then Dr. Strange trolls Dracula by teleporting the Darkhold somewhere else.

Also, Avengers Mansion got trashed in a break-in in Fantastic Four #257. Dammit. Whats with all the intertextuality in this era?

So that story there is: mostly a lot of Galactus eating the Skrull homeworld and fallout from aforementioned Annihilus story. Only the last two pages are relevant.

Mr. Fantastic shows up to Avengers Mansion to check on Vision, Wanda goes to make him tea, and then he’s teleported to a space trial leaving a giant melted hole in the mansion.

Honestly, I don’t know why FF got asterisked instead of the Dr. Strange issue. They both messed up the mansion but the Dracula cult was more of a break-in than someone leaving a giant hole in the wall. Although that’s more mysterious.

Anyway, with two different ‘read this also’s between issues that messed up the mansion, no wonder the opening splash has to be devoted to a repair crew patching things up.

Wasp is putting her size-shifting to good use to literally micro-manage. Zipping around at tiny size telling everyone how to do their job.

Captain America who is also supervising and impressing people with how buff he is gets annoyed and goes to tell her to stop but stops himself.

Captain America: No... No. She’s in charge here, and I have to let her handle things as best she can. Her methods do seem to bring results... They’re just not my methods, that’s all. Yeah...

And then he sulks off, ignoring Wasp when she asks what he’s muttering to himself.

Hm. The new leader honeymoon period is off, it seems. Cap was Wasp’s biggest supporter as chairperson and now he’s grumbling and second-guessing.

Dang.

I hope this isn’t snapback to Wasp not being leader because she’s flighty and silly. I hope we’re not just going to do that.

Cap wanders over to where Vision-inna-tube and Wanda are. Wanda is still glued to Vision’s side. And either Wanda can read minds or Cap says something between panels because we have Cap wondering in a thought bubble whether if Vision has shown any signs of improvement and then Wanda answering that he hasn’t shown improvement or worsened.

Cap(tain) America: “Well, don’t let yourself get too worried, Wanda. That husband of yours has been through worse scrapes than this. He’ll pull through!”

Scarlet Witch: “When you say it, Cap, I can really believe it!”

Inspirational Cap! Charisma rolls: Very.

Still, Wanda is sad because Vision is lying in a tube helpless and she can’t even touch him.

Cap wanders off again, without even saying goodbye (rude) while musing how much it sucks.

Cap: Blast it! Those kids were just starting to make a life for themselves, and this had to happen! Why was it that of all the Avengers who went up against the threat of Annihilus -- it had to be a couple of reservists who suffered most?

And then starts musing how weird it is that Scarlet Witch and Vision as reservists since they were active Avengers for so long!

Remember, Wanda joined the Avengers not very long after Cap did! Only a couple months in-universe! She was one of his Kooky Quartet!

Cap: At times I wondered if the Avengers would survive -- but somehow, through all the tumult and changes, the team not only survived -- it grew stronger! I pray it always will... with the menaces we so often face, we can’t afford to weaken. We’ve gone through so many changes lately. We’ve picked up two fine new Avengers in Captain Marvel and the She-Hulk, but we’ve lost Hank Pym... and now we’ve lost Iron Man, too. Even Thor has taken himself off the active roster to pursue a personal mission. I hope he won’t be gone too long.

Cap is clearly in some sort of dour Mood.

A dour and monologue-y mood.

And what’s Thor up to leaving the team roster OFF PANEL?

(Sigh)

Well, since the asterisk is telling me to see Thor #334... oh geez, Don Blake is under suspicion of killing Jane Foster. Thor, and Lady Sif take Keith Kincaid (the non-Thor love interest of Jane) on a trip to get the Runestaff (long story) and restore Jane Foster (long story).

Annoyingly, the Thor issue does show him telling the Avengers he’s going to be gone for a while and to take him off the active roster. And borrowing a Quinjet.

I think that it would have been nice to see at least a panel of that. Or something. I don’t want the book bloated with ‘see alsos’ but I’m confused why it put the most emphasis on the FF one when it was literally two pages where Reed manages to ruin the wall while getting kidnapped.

Whatever.

Anyyyyway.

Even though he thinks the new Avengers are good, Cap worries about having both Thor and Iron Man off the team.

Especially Iron Man.

He was their science/technical guy. And on the current team, the only one with any sort of science expertise is new trainee Starfox.

Who is busy making out and not being on time for his daily training session.

At least he remembers that he has a prior obligation.

And he’s only two minutes late. Or to put it another way, he’s a whole two minutes late. And Cap(tain America) is a notable stickler for punctuality.

Cap: “Punctuality may be an anachronism in this day and age -- and, for all I know, it may be unheard of on the planet Titan -- but in my day, it was something that was expected of people!”

Wow, Cap really pulled a ‘in my day.’

Frankly, I’m surprised he doesn’t pull that more often.

Starfox does seem contrite and apologizes for putting pleasure before business which sends Cap into an introspection about why he’s really being so harsh on Starfox.

Protip: It’s Tony. It’s almost always Tony.

Cap: Pleasure versus duty, that’s what it always comes down to. It was Tony Stark’s ‘pleasure’ which led him to giving up his Iron Man identity... leaving the Avengers. Some ‘pleasure’! He’s crawled so far into the bottle, he may never get back out. And there’s nothing I can do to pull him out... Nothing any of us can do, unless he lets us. That’s what’s really bothering me... isn’t it?

And he accepts the apology with a “just don’t let it happen again.”

You sound so old sometimes, Cap.

Meanwhile, She-Hulk is off on a jog through New York, listening to some Beach Boys’ California Girls.

An overeager driver scoots forward and cuts her off at the crosswalk and (I assume) in frustration, she punches the hood of the car.

And given it’s She-Hulk, she kinda punches a hole IN the hood. And probably engine.

The guy being either an idiot or incredibly unperceptive runs after She-Hulk to grab her arm and yell at her.

She does not care for that at all.

Like, why would you? She’s seven feet tall and green and just punched a hole in the hood of your car.

Luckily for the guy’s skeletal integrity, Spider-Man pops out of nowhere to be Friendly Neighborhood and mediate this conflict.

They both air their grievances.

She-Hulk: “This creep grabbed me!”

Creep: “Hey! She... she crunched the front of my car!”

She-Hulk: “That was you who cut me off in the crosswalk? You’re lucky I didn’t rip out your axle!”

Spider-Man: “Now, now! Let’s keep this friendly! Sounds like you’re in the wrong, chum! The lady had the light!”

Creep: “Lady?!? She’s no --!”

Spider-Man: “I wouldn’t say that if I were you! That’s the She-Hulk, dummy! Remember what she did to your car? Well, just imagine what she could do to you!”

Creep: “Oh yeah.”

And with the power of Spider-Man’s bomb-ass mediation, the guy realizes that he was in the wrong, apologizes, and leaves in a hurry.

(Her skeptical glare cracks me up for some reason)

Moral of the story: Don’t be a jerk. Stay behind the line when the little man is lit up.

After the guy takes off, She-Hulk praises(?) Spider-Man’s amazing mediation skills by saying he should have been a lawyer. And then they catch up.

She-Hulk is still having trouble adjusting to the East Coast lifestyle and lack of beaches so Spider-Man suggests checking out the Jersey Shore.

She-Hulk: “My big problem right now is housing. Avengers Mansion is nice, but I want a place of my own.”

Spider-Man: “It’s tough -- rents are pretty steep.”

She-Hulk: “The real trouble is finding a place I like. With the thousand a week I get as an Avenger, rent’s no big deal.”

Spider-Man: “I guess not, if you’re making a... a thousand A WEEK?!? I passed up a chance to become an Avengers, and they make $1000 a week?!? Oh, NO!!”

Ha ha, that ol’ Parker luck.

Maybe Thor should have mentioned the money when he tried to recruit Spidey.

Meanwhile, at a federal penitentiary in Vermont, a scene change.

Bentley Wittman, aka the Wizard, aka the Wingless Wizard, aka the adult man who thought the best use of his time was bullying a teenager, is being questioned about Plantman Sam Smithers’ escape from jail.

The Wizard claims that he knows nothing about Plantman’s escape and that he barely knows the guy anyway. They were airlifted from Ryker’s in the same helicopter and that’s it.

But a convenient x-ray tells a different story.

And that story is that “the Wizard” doesn’t have any skeleton bones.

... Were we really at the point in 1983 where we didn’t know about the dangers of overexposure to x-rays? They just causally scan both “the Wizard” and the guy questioning him?

Anyway, the ruse being rumbled, the fake Wizard rips the bars out of a window and jumps out to his death.

Or it would be death if he wasn’t just animate wood wearing a fake skin suit.

Kinda gross if you think about it.

Anyway, where is the real the Wizard?

Obviously, he escaped jail a while back. Not only is he a sinister criminal mastermind who has sinister masterminding to mastermind but also he was tired of the prison hair code. Because dammit, he wants to rock the goatee!

(Literally a comment he makes, calling the prison barbers butchers)

The Real Wizard gets a BLIP-BLIP-BLIP priority alert that informs him that the plant-him has been discovered which means that the authorities will be looking for him now.

Wizard: Now every law officer in the nation will be looking for me. Well, let them! They’ll not find me, unless they look here! And if they do look here, they’ll have a fight on their hands! The Wizard will not bolt and run like some common criminal! My home is my fortress! They’ll never get me out of it! Never!

Anyway, within an hour of the discovery of Plant-Wizard, a disgruntled agent of the national security council named Mr. Sirkorski receives a briefing.

Usually, this problem would be Gyrich’s problem but he’s busy somewhere else, probably making mutants miserable if I had to guess.

-checking- Yup, he’s over in the X-books, being involved in Project: Wideawake, the project that will later accidentally shoot Storm with a demutantifying gun that will take away her powers, leading her to kick Cyclop’s ass, leading to him leaving the team and feeling sad about being happily married.

Wow, Gyrich, you’re the worst.

Anyway, since the Wizard is tied to the presidential hostage crisis via Plantman, that makes it Serious Business.

Hence, Mr. Sikorski’s serious business.

And he hates it.

He hates this bonkers superhero universe. He just wants to live in a spy thriller universe without all this specific nonsense.

Mr. Sikorski: “Oh, great! Plant-Men... criminal scientists... prison breaks! Don’t they think I have enough to do, just keeping track of what the Russians are up to?”

Also Mr. Sikorksi, on the following page: “And it’s up to me to call in the appropriate parties. I feel a little weird doing this! It’s hard enough for me to believe there are such things as Avengers! I certainly never thought I’d be calling them for help!”

This guy is great. I hope he becomes a recurring and just continues to be low-key pissed about what genre he lives in.

SCENE CHANGE TO AVENGERS MANSION’s actually looking cooler than ever meeting room.

The table looks enormous and theres a giant viewscreen that they can display stuff on.

Only misstep in my opinion is that the seats don’t have personalized icons on the back.

On the big viewscreen map, Cap(tain America) is displaying for Captain Marvel known properties and hideouts that the Wizard has used in the past.

And then big boss the Wasp comes in with She-Hulk to start the meeting.

Since the government has requested that the Avengers help search for the Wizard, Captain Marvel suggests that she could zoom around and check off the whole list in no time flat by using her lightspeed.

Cap(tain America): “You probably could, C.M. -- that’s up to Jan to decide, of course. It would save us some time. After all, the Wizard could be in any of these places... or none of them!”

Wasp: “You think so? If I’d escaped from prison, I’d want to go home. But that’s just me, I suppose.”

Cool contribution, Jan.

I don’t mean to mock, its just she makes a goofy face.

(Hey, I wonder if her new costume was inspired by the FF’s negative zone’d ones. It’s kinda got a similar palette and rough design)

Anyway, Scarlet Witch asks whether she can be excused from superheroing for the day to keep an eye on the Vision.

Wasp: “Why, Wanda! I should say not! You agreed to fill in for Thor while he’s off in space, and I intend to hold you to that! I���m the chairwoman, and I’ll decide who goes where!”

In fact, since somebody does need to watch the Vision, Wasp chooses the most reasonable candidate.

Captain Marvel!

Who needs her to get the task done in five seconds! She can watch the coma-robot.

You make interesting decisions, Jan!

The remaining Avengers will split up into squads.

Captain America will take Scarlet Witch and She-Hulk to check the hideouts on the east of the map. Wasp and Starfox will check out the western ones.

She-Hulk: “You and Starfox, huh? That’s rich... the All Flirt Squad!”

Pfft.

Cap(tain America) isn’t feeling the humor and tells She-Hulk to save her jokes for when they don’t have a job to do.

Minutes later, the Avengers land a Quinjet on the front drive of the Wizard’s Long Island estate. He has one of those.

Cap: “Come on Avengers -- let’s get this over with!”

Good attitude, Cap.

Wanda notes that the grounds look neatly tended considering that the estate has been empty for the past several years but She-Hulk thinks a gardener was probably kept on retainer.

The Wizard was stupid rich.

When they get inside, Cap changes his tune. The place looks too tidy and ready for occupancy to be empty so maybe the Wizard is here.

So he pulls a ‘lets split up gang’ and splits up gang with each Avenger taking a wing.

Cap: “Oh, and She-Hulk, try not to break anything if you can help it. This is private property!”

Priorities!

Granted, She-Hulk is known to break things. Why just today she broke some dude’s car.

The Wizard is watching all of this on his home security system and springs individual traps on the individual Avengers.

She-Hulk finds herself in a series of identical small non-descript rooms, each more identical than the last.

So identical that its the same room, looping.

Wizard: “Through the circuity in that doorway, I’ve activated a dimensional matrix which will keep your walking back and forth ad infinitum through the same room!”

Except without seeing herself leaving which you’d think she’d be able to see.

It’s a smart way to trap a Hulk, provided they don’t run out of patience or get frustrated and smash something.

Meanwhile, Cap gets locked in a chamber where an anti-gravity field has been activated, leaving him flailing through the air.

Oh, and dozens of high-intensity laser torches pop out of the walls and start trying to carve up Cap.

Meanwhile, Scarlet Witch’s individualized trap is the most individualized of all.

Because She-Hulk’s and Cap’s could be used on any number of people really. But Wanda’s feels like it was created to counter Wanda. Pretty on the ball from the Wizard considering he doesn’t often fight the Witch.

When Wanda enters the room she suddenly starts spinning out of control, flies across the room, and lands in a chair.

Wizard: “Marvelous! I’ve ensnared the Scarlet Witch within something against which her astounding hex powers are useless. My field effect devices have generated a pocket of non-causality within that test chamber! Within the area, all actions have an equal chance of occurrence. Therein, all probabilities are skewed. She won’t be able to stand, much less cast a hex!”

Wow! That’s some high octane comic book nonsense science!

The point being that every time Wanda tries to do something, something random happens instead because its all equally likely. She tried to walk into a room and ended up standing on the roof. She tried to back out of the room, she started spinning. She tried to stop spinning and she flew into a chair.

Sure.

With the Avengers all trapped, the Wizard turns his attention to deciding how to dispose of them.

Except, as cleverly foreshadowed by my snide comments, She-Hulk’s trap is only as good as Jen’s patience.

Which is good forrrrrrr. Two dozens loops.

At that point, she’s sure some bullshit is up and scratches the wall with her nails to leave a tangible mark. When she sees the same mark in the ‘next room’ her suspicion is confirmed.

And now that she knows someone is jerking her around, she decides to ignore Cap’s suggestion to not break private property by breaking private property and rips the doorframe (and the dimensional matrix) to crap.

There’s a backup trap that drops slabs of six-inch omnium steel around her but yeah she’s a hulk and she’s not playing considerate anymore. She starts KRUNGing the walls with her fists.

Meanwhile, Cap uses physics to get out of his jam. He throws his mighty shield to break some lasers so action/reaction will propel him backwards and he can jump off the wall, grab his shield back, and uses one of the broken-off lasers against the others.

Also, meanwhile, Scarlet Witch tries to figure out her own, incredibly specific trap.

Scarlet Witch: This is like a nightmare! Whatever I try to do, something else happens. Just in making the attempt to call on my hex power, I wound up falling flat on my face! I can’t even... wiggle my fingers? I... I can! Oh, but only very close to the floor! Whatever is causing my actions to go awry must be weaker near the room’s outer surfaces! Then there’s HOPE -- !”

Wizard must have gone cheap on the pocket of non-causality projector for that room if it’s not completely covering the area. Sure, the area it doesn’t cover is relatively small but now what’s about to happen is going to happen.

So Wanda gets as low as she can go to the floor and uses her probability-altering powers.

This causes the non-causality field to reverse because why wouldn’t it? And causes feedback through the circuitry which causes the master control to shock the Wizard.

It also causes every logic circuit in the master control to overload and the whole dang thing explodes, Wizard barely flying out of the control room in time.

Right in She-Hulk’s path.

She’s not happy. He’s not going to like her not being happy.

She-Hulk: “After what I’ve been through, it’s gonna be a real pleasure to pound that helmet down around your ankles!”

Wizard nopes right out of her way and decides to abandon fortress.

Then Scarlet Witch probability alters his battlesuit flight controls to malfunction to halt his escape and make him crash to the-

...

I’m pretty sure his neck is broken now.

I mean, it’s apparently not because he keeps talking and moving and living but he look at that panel. Guy should be dead as movie Zod.

Y’know, if the Avengers are going to kill the Wizard, the FF should really get them back and kill one of their villains. I suggest Grim Reaper.

Anyway, surrounded by Avengers, Wizard pulls his trump card.

Wizard: “Your confidence is ill-founded, Captain America. There is one resource I can yet draw upon. There is a thermonuclear devise beneath my house -- powerful enough to destroy half of Long Island and make the remainder very unpleasant for a very long time. Much as I hate to see this place destroyed, I would press the button, so to speak.”

“You being such renowned public heroes, would hate that even more. But unless you allow me to go unharmed, I shall active the timing sequence of the bomb’s detonator.”

And Cap is like ‘do you mean this detonator’ and pulls out one he prepared earlier.

HAH!

You know, ironically, if he had just hidden in a safe room or on the roof or something, the Avengers probably would have came and went without noticing him. Springing traps on them really backfired in oh so many ways.

The threesome return to the mansion, presumably after turning Wizard over to the authorities, and Wasp comments that it sounds like they had a bit of excitement (Starfox grumbling to himself more excitement than he had searching the Bronx with the Wasp ha ha).

Cap(tain America): “You’ll be glad to know, Wasp, that your instincts were correct. The Wizard had indeed gone home. He gave us all a pretty good challenge... a welcome challenge, I dare say.”

Wasp: “Looks like I assigned the right people to search the right place, huh?”

Cap: “Yes, Ms. Chairwoman, I’d say you did!”

And elsenow, Wanda goes to the medical bay to check in on Vision and relieve Captain Marvel.

Scarlet Witch: “Can you hear me, darling? I hope you can. I was feeling awfully blue today... And I was given a duty that first seemed annoying, and later became dangerous. But I didn’t give up... I came back, and I won. I know that you can come back, too, darling! It’s just a matter of time... and hope.”

“It’s funny! I thought the Wasp was silly for sending me on that mission. But -- in a way --it was something I need. I think the others needed it, too!”

Captain Marvel: “Then that’s why she sent you, Wanda... because she knew what you needed! And that’s why she leads the Avengers!”

Secret friend mastermind Janet van Dyne sends you out for punch therapy when you need to punch something.

Reminds me of when Captain America picked a fight with Goliath Hank Pym to lift his spirits. Except with a lot less fighting her own friends and more pointing them in the right direction.

Something I love about this era of Avengers and with the big shift in Wasp after Hank’s court-martial is that while her character has changed she’s still recognizably and uniquely herself. She’s still a bit goofy. She’s still playful. And on top of that, she’s proven that she’s a good leader for the Avengers. It’s not mutually exclusive.

Cap (previously Wasp’s biggest supporter as leader) started this issue grumpy and even had his own ideas what the best tactic for searching for the Wizard would be, but by the end he agrees that Wasp made a good decision.

Despite playing the ditz for a long part of her career, Wasp isn’t dumb. And she’s got a good head for the interpersonal challenges of running a team too.

I’m reminded that during the much later Busiek run, when the Avengers need to expand and modernize to match up to expanding challenges, Captain America turns the leadership of the team over to the Wasp.

My point being, I was worried that there’d be snapback on Wasp being leader because she is flighty and silly. But instead, she can be flighty and silly and still a good leader.

I’m pleased with this take, Stern.

Follow @essential-avengers​ because there will probably be more Wasp being a good leader. Fingers crossed. Also, like and reblog this post maybe if you also like Wasp being a good leader.

[barcaavengers]

Stay || T'Challa Imagine || Part 4

Note:It is hereee! The wedding is here!! Since if I made it only wedding centered I decided to add something at the end which I hope you all enjoy! Y/F/C means your favorite color. Please let me know your thoughts about this chapter! I feel it is more moved than the other ones but I didn’t want it to turn boring or cliche. Took the wedding references from the comics so there is that!

.

Tags: @laneygthememequeen @alyhull @dekahg @nah-imjustfeelinit @gemini5991 @omgsuperstarg @drippingbleu @xxdarkdarlingxx @lalapalooza718 @goldenbambi16 @paintballkid711 @bokillylovesloki

After the meeting with the ONU, T’Challa and yourself get back to Wakanda. He decides to take Shuri to California, where he planned to settle some technological places and a social assistance for families. Nakia would take over that role while Shuri would turn into the head of the technology place. Said place was going to be settled in the neighborhood that Erik had grown up in, you felt and knew it was T’Challa’s way of trying to help everyone out there that didn’t had the resources that Wakanda had and a way to somewhat do what Erik wanted without hurting anyone. A year and a half has passed since T’Challa proposed to you, and you find yourself in Shuri’s lab as she tweaks with your suit.

”Do you want me to make another one for the ceremony? Choose with time so I can start on it and have it be the best!” She asks as she works on your suit.

”For the wedding?” You ask. “I don’t think so…Wait, I have to wear the suit?”

”Not if you don’t want to. I know my brother has to because it’s part of our tradition and he is the protector of Wakanda” she explains. “I don’t know much about the weddings, you can ask my him about it” she says and turns to look at you with a smile.

”I guess I will…” you say as you play with your kimoyo beads nervously.

Shuri takes a second glance at you and giggles, “You are nervous” she points out as she returns to work on your suit.

”Of course not” you say with a scoff that didn’t sound so convincing.

Shuri stops her work and spins on her stool chair to you, “Your lies are worse than brother's” she smirks. “Come on, what is going on?”

”Nothing. I just…” she arches and eyebrow looking at you curiously. “This is just happening so fast. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love this and have no regrets. I just say this because one moment I met him, talked with him, he left, he came back, it’s been a year and now we are getting married” you explain. “I’m still processing everything.”

”If it helps, I’m sure brother is feeling like that” she says. “I never saw him this happy and interested for someone. Not even Nakia” the moment your eyes widened, hers did as well.

”Nakia?”

She muttered something in Xhosa, then directed towards you. “I thought you knew. It doesn’t matter anymore, he is marrying you” she says quickly. “They were together for a while, but Nakia wanted to find her true purpose and Wakanda didn’t offer it. That’s why she became a War Dog. She and my brother didn’t had the same visions for some time and they parted ways. After that, he met you and hasn’t shut up about it” she says with a smirk.

Her words softened the blow you took, but you still had that weird feeling. “You think he is over her?”

”I know T’Challa and you should know by now too” she says, her tone now quite serious. “He wouldn’t ask you to be Queen of Wakanda if he wasn’t being truthful” she had a point.

”Right. Right” you say. “If I were to go dress shopping, would you join me?” You try to distract your mind from crazy thoughts.

”Of course! I would love to get out of here” she says excitedly. “Before that, I suggest you check our stores. You might find something that would fit you.”

”Perfect” you say with a grin. “I will let you know for later.”

”Alright” she says. “Before you go, I’ll need the beads. I need to synchronize them with the suit” she extends her hand and hurries you.

”Okay. Okay” you take the beads off and hand them. “I’ll see you later.” She waves you off playfully and your eyes roll, walking out of the lab.

You tried not to show it, but the thought that someone as fierce and gorgeous as Nakia was once T’Challa’s love interest had you feeling insecure. She was a Wakandan, she was one of them, she is brave and flawless, surely there were people who would want to see T’Challa with her rather than you. You were an outsider and they didn’t really had much trust on you just yet. There were a couple that after the final battle gave in and accepted you, but you were sure others were not convinced. T’Challa and Nakia didn’t show any sign around you of still having that sort of chemistry. They gave you the vibe of very good friends since childhood and who would do anything for the other. Then again, Shuri was right, T’Challa wouldn’t ask you to be his wife if he wasn’t sure, but you couldn’t help the strange feeling…

”My queen” without realizing it you were inside of T’Challa’s private office, not the one he held for meeting with the tribes. “You are thinking” he points out and you eye him questioningly. How did he knew? As if reading your thoughts, he replied, “Let go of your cheek” he chuckles and points at you and you do so quickly. He pushes his chair away from the desk and reaches a hand out to you. You make your way over and he takes your hand and kisses the back of it.

”Sorry” you say and smile at him. He reciprocates the same, a soft one followed by a soft gaze. “Just thinking of the wedding” you lie.

”While you were making your way to me, Shuri called” he says and you knew he caught you. “She told you about Nakia…”

”Maybe” you say as you lean against the table. “But it’s okay really. I mean, I couldn’t really expect you have been single for so long. You are handsome, you are a good man, you are amazing, of course you had a girlfriend before and of course it was from Wakanda. I just tho-”

”Y/N” he calls out to stop you from your rant and you do, biting your lip. “You are worrying about something that no longer matters to me. It is you who I want” he says and stands up before you. “I think I have made that clear, have I not?” He asks as he holds your chin with his index and thumb finger.

”Yeah…” your cheeks heat for a second.

”Then what worries you? There must be something more…”

You sigh and explain, “She is prettier, she is an insider and she is brave…I just feel like I can’t live up to her level. I am sure there are people who would rather see her as queen instead of an outsider like me who just came in. She probably set expectations I can’t surpass…”

”Being queen of Wakanda is not all about expectations” he says. “It’s about who the King wants by their side, to rule and protect the Nation” he says. “Nobody wants you to exceed her, don’t ever think of such thing. You two are different but the same in being brave and beauty” he says and holds you by your waist. “You are the one that I want as my Queen, not her” his lips brushes your cheek and your eyes flutter. One simple action and you were convinced.

”If you say so” you say and he pulls away.

”It is only the truth” his hold on you tightens and he pulls you flush against him making you gasp and smile. “Do I need to prove so again?” He kisses your neck, a soft peck and you smirk.

”Perhaps later” you say and he chuckles and pulls away.

”You know, besides everything I said…The people are not really the ones who need to approve of my marriage with anyone” he explains as he sits back on his chair.

”I’m listening” you say and sit on top of his desk in front of him.

”As part of the ritual of becoming King and the Black Panther, my soul was transported to the celestial plane where I came face to face with Baba, but also the Panther God” he starts. “The Panther God will favor or unfavor the person the King chooses. You, as my bride and bearer of future generations have to go through such ritual” he says and takes your hands in his, intertwining them.

”What if the Panther God unfavors me? Will it mean we can’t-”

”No…Worst case scenario the Panther will consume your soul, but it is quite unlikely” he explains, your eyes widen. “Does it scare you?”

”Of course…not” it scared you a little, and he knows it but does not go further.

”The ritual is a central tenet of the panther cult. Is what has kept us strong over the centuries” he says. “Do you accept it?”

”Yes” you say with a nod.

”Good” he stands up again and places a loving kiss on your lips before pulling away, too quick for your liking.

”So about the dress…” you say. “Shuri suggested she could do me another suit that is more wedding like I presume. I know you will wear yours but do I have to do so as well? I don’t mind really, I just want to know so I can let your sister know.”

”You can wear what you please” he assures you. “Doesn’t have to be the suit, we just do it because it honors Bast and its part of our culture. You can wear your white dress, your suit, surprise me” he encourages with a smirk.

”Shuri suggested to check the stores from around here, if not we’d go out and see” you let him know.

”Sounds convincing” he says and smiles. “Now, as for invitations, would you like all the Avengers to join us?”

”Yes. Definitely” you admit. “They took me under their wings when they found me, I can’t leave any of them. Specially not Tony who has taken such good care of me.”

”I will be surprised if him and Steve stay when they see each other after the events…”

”I hope they do” you say. “It would suck if they decide they can’t be in the same place” you frown.

”I will let them know” T’Challa says as he leans back on the chair. “Is there anything else we need to cover? Oh, the cake we should go to a close store where they make delicious desserts. I am certain you will like it.”

”As you like” you say with a smile and he leans forward, hands resting on the side of your thighs, giving them a soft squeeze so you moved forward to press a soft kiss to his lips.

The morning of the wedding had come too fast, and you weren’t complaining. It might seem rushed even if two years have gone by, but there wasn’t much to plan since it was not a traditional wedding. Reception and the wedding were almost the same as instead of saying I Do’s it was more of the Panther God to accept you as T’Challa’s bride and queen of Wakanda. When he had first asked, you weren’t nervous, but now you definitely were. What if the God did not agree? Would he really take your soul? What other consequences were there?

You shift on the bed and look at your future husband, his beautiful dark skin that glows softly with the sunrise, his beard and the way his chest heaved slowly as he rested. Your eyes fell on his lips, the lips you couldn’t get enough of and that made you feel shivers through your body every time they were close to your skin. His lips curl up in a soft smile and you smirk, knowing he is wide awake, his eyes opening softly to look at you.

”You are staring” he says in his sleepy tone and closes his eyes again.

”Just admiring and wondering” you say and move to snuggle to his side.

”Wondering?” He asks, his sleepy voice was so compelling…

”About us, about the wedding…”

”You mean you are worrying” he says and shifts on the bed so he is resting on his side facing you. “If it is because of the ritual…”

”Partly” you admit. “But it is not what I mean” a pause. “I just…I don’t think there is a less cheesy way to say it, but I am just wondering what did I do that made you want me” you explain.

”At this point in our lives, you are wondering this now?” He questions and your smirk. “You were inexperienced when we met, barely getting the hold of your powers, but I could see you wanted to learn fast to protect people. Since we met, I have heard your intentions and how you just want to do what it is right. That enough is a reason to know that you would be a great partner. Besides that, you have a personality that not many people have, and you are beautiful” those last words are followed by his hand pushing your hair behind your ear before kissing your lips. “You have nothing to worry about today” he assures you and you smile.

”Okay” its all you reply as you look at him. His hand is moving soothingly up and down your side as your eyes look into each other.

”Do not worry” he repeats and pecks your lips. “I’ll go ready the breakfast. Afterwards I’ll move my things to the office so you can have the room for yourself to get ready.” Another peck on your lips before he stands up from the bed.

In just a matter of hours you are getting ready for the big moment. Your hair and makeup are done, and honestly, you look stunning. You take yourself in as you look in the mirror. The wedding dress you chose was not poofy or big like in princess movies. It was tight to your body, a V cut that did not reveal much even if it was corset like,the dress went all the way down, ripped open after half of your right thigh revealing your leg. It was white mostly, but it had black with some small details in Y/F/C. For yourself, this was the best that you looked, and you hoped that T’Challa would like it. There is a knock on the door and you turn slightly and away from the mirror.

”Come in.”

Shuri and Nakia walk in and as they do, they stop half way with wide eyes and a bright smile on their face. “Y/N you look amazing!” Shuri beams as she goes forward and circles around you. “I told you you would find something great in our stores” she says happily.

”I second her” Nakia says as she approaches you. “You look amazing” her hand reaches for yours and you twirl with a small giggle.

”Thank you, girls” you say with a grin.

”Are you nervous? It’s almost time and everyone is out there” Shuri says. “I bet you aren’t, but my brother…I’ll have it all recorded when he freezes and doesn’t move until you hit him or something because I’m sure he will be speechless when he sees you like this” she says and you giggle.

”I hope he likes it…” you say as you take another quick glance of yourself in the mirror.

”I’m sure he will” Nakia says and gives your shoulder an assuring squeeze.

”Well, let’s go!” Shuri beams and takes your hand, leading you out of the room.

As you get closer, you can hear all the guests talking and when Nakia speaks, everyone goes silent and you take it as your cue to come out of the corner you were in. Everyone turns to look at you, but your eyes land on the man in the black suit at the end. He had removed the face item to look at you and you see his expression. His eyes were wide but full of fondness, his lips agape as he looked at you making you blush right there and then as you approached him. Ramonda was hosting the ceremony, and she was smiling at you and looking at her son.

”Hi” T’Challa says with a breath as you stand in front of him after he helped you up the stairs.

”Hey” you say and smile brightly at him.

He takes both of your hands and brings then up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on them, “Nervous?”

”Never” you say and he chuckles before you both turn to Ramonda.

After a few words, Ramonda speaks again, “You stand in the judgement of the Panther God. We will see what he has to say” she says and you can only see darkness before you pop in a place. The place was mostly shades of white, black and brown. T’Challa is by your side and behind him you can see other creatures, like the Ape God that you guessed was the God of the Jabari tribe.

”Don’t panic…He is right behind you” T’Challa says and your eyes widen before turning around quickly. You guessed the colors of the place were like this because of the celestial plane, or you got it all wrong because the Panther was white…and apparently could talk or it was all part of the ritual. It was also enormous, not the average size of a Panther for sure.

”T’Challa” the Panther started, “who is this you bring before me?”

”My bride…” T’Challa says, taking your hand and giving it a squeeze.

”Bride? A mortal the bride of a Panther?” The Panther questions and you start getting nervous.

”She is more than a mortal. Even so, she is just as brave and powerful as we are. She has no fear in risking her life to do what it is right, she did so recently, which I’m sure you had seen…” T’Challa says and you eye the Panther.

”Step aside. I’ll judge what she really is” the Panther God says and T’Challa let’s go of you, his head nodding your way in a way to assure you it would be alright. As he does, you stay still and instantly the Panther lets out a roar straight to your face making you flinch and close your eyes. He could eat you from one bite, that was for sure, and it didn’t had a bad breath like an actual animal. It was more of a scent that you instantly matched with peace and spiritual… After the roar, he sniffed you and you peeked through an eye to find him sitting down before he licked you from head to toe with its massive tongue. You just stay there frozen, not daring to move except when he just remains still, so you dare to open both eyes. “I have made my judgement” there is a pause and T’Challa reaches slowly for your hand to pull you close to him. “Welcome, Y/N” the Panther God says and it’s all you see and hear before it takes you back to your body.

”Wooow” you stumbled back a few steps and T’Challa is quick to catch you.

”Easy, my love” he says as you hold your head.

”Is everything okay?” Ramonda asks, concern in her voice.

”Yeah…” you say as you regain your posture. “That was awesome” you say and T’Challa chuckles and kisses your temple before letting go of you.

Ramonda smiles at both of you and takes your hand and T’Challa’s, “The Panther God has blessed this couple. Pity anyone who stands in the path of their happiness. Now, let’s celebrate!” Everyone cheers around you.

T’Challa turns to you, his mask fading as he does. “I told you there was nothing to worry about.”

”Saying it and actually happening its two different things” you say with a smile and he pulls you close to him by your hands and kisses you. His hands go around your frame as yours go around his neck, pulling yourself close to him.

”Congratulations” Steve says as he approaches you and you smile. He returns it and you hug him, his arms going around your body and giving you a loving hug. He then turns to T’Challa after letting go of you, “I know you will watch for her, so I don’t have to say anything to you” he says. “Unfortunately, there is a matter we need to discuss. Something that happened a few hours ago.”

”We are listening” T’Challa says, holding your hand.

”Can we discuss this in your office? It’s delicate for other people to hear.”

You wanted to tell him to leave it for later, you just got married and he was already acting suspicious? Whatecmver ut was, it screamed trouble. “Steve, what is going on?” You ask and Nat shakes her head slowly.

T’Challa only sighs under his breath before he starts leading the way to his office. As you both walk hand in hand, he gives your hand a squeeze and you look up at him and smile, which he returns as he looks at you fondly. “What is it so important to discuss on this very moment, Captain?” T’Challa calls as he closes the door to his office, Natasha inside as well.

”We have reports that Thanos is collecting the Infinity Stones for his call. We are not sure which or how many he has gathered, but we do know he is destroying everything on his path to get them” Steve explains. “As you know, Vision has on his possession the Mind Stone which is what gives him life, we are afraid he might be attacked because of the Stone…”

”We would like to request permission to bring him to your nation” Natasha steps in. “It would be easier with your resources to protect him until we find a way to save him.”

”Maybe Shuri can do something for him live without the stone?” You ask as you look at your now husband. “I’m sure there is a way…”

T’Challa looks at you and nods his head softly, then turns to the Nomads, “Wakanda has opened its walls and resources to those in need. Vision is more than welcomed to stay with us and I’m sure my sister will find a way around about the stone” he says.

”How did you found out Thanos is coming?” You asked.

”Banner was found in a building in New York that belongs to Doctor Stephen Strange, a sorcerer. He has been away for quite some years and was found after he crashed into the place, apparently from space. He mentioned something to Tony, about someone getting the infinity stone. Tony was the one who put me up to date with the situation.”

”Is that why Tony didn’t come? He is finding a way to stop Thanos?” One of the most important people in your life, and he doesn’t come to your important, special event.

”I am sure he would have wanted to come, but he…you know how he gets. Besides, he is also getting intel from other people and setting a team.”

”Do we know how much time we have left?”

”Not really. We only know he has the Space and Reality stone. We guess it’d be a matter of time until he starts the search for the others” Natasha says.

T’Challa remains silent and you knew he was thinking all the possible outcomes from this.

”You can take the Quinjet and bring Vision and Wanda…” he says. “Is there anyone else that knows about the situation?”

”Only another few…” Steve says. “My King and Queen” Steve pauses. “I would like to warn that this could mean war. For what we know we are dealing with quite a powerful Titan.”

”Bringing Vision here could mean that Thanos may come here for the stone and bring war…”

T’Challa is silent and you look at him. He knows that it could mean war, but he probably didn’t expect that after opening Wakanda to the world would mean the war would come this quick. Wakanda has been a peaceful place for generations and now that was about to end, but T’Challa could not deny the help to a fellow Avenger who he trusts. “Then I guess we will have to be ready. We have no time to waste. Take the Quinjet and bring Vision to us.”

”Thank you” Steve and Nat bow slightly. “And sorry for ruining this wonderful moment, your wedding, but it was a matter that we couldn’t hold for too long.”

”It’s okay. We understand” you say and give them a smile which they return.

”Our apologies, and thank you again” Natasha says before they leave the office.

You let out a sigh and turn to your husband who reaches for your hand, “So there goes our getaway?”

”There goes our getaway” you assure him. “Holding it off a few days won’t hurt us right?”

”I wouldn’t know how to answer to that now…” T’Challa admits.

”We can make it up later. Right now we need to stay here and start planning how we will secure the city” you say firmly.

”We need to talk with Shuri…”

”Yes” a pause. “I wish they would’ve told us about what was going on before time instead of not coming to the wedding without saying anything…”

”I’m sure their reasons are understandable. They didn’t want to dull this moment or have it postponed because of this…” T’Challa assures you.

”Yeah…” you say and shrug slightly.

”Let’s enjoy the rest of our wedding” he says as he pulls you to him with a bright smile. “Have some fun” he kisses your cheek, “and then we can think of what we will do. Today is our day, my Queen.”

A giggle leaves your lips and you nod your head, yet you know you won’t be able to focus on other tasks knowing a war may come soon. “Alright.”

”And for tomorrow…Are you ready for your first announcement as Queen of Wakanda?”

”What?”

”When we take a decision tomorrow, I want you to speak to our people about them. I want you to accept your new role with them.”

You are lost for words for a moment, but you nod your head. “I will…” you agree and he smiles, pecks your lips and starts leading you out of the office and outside to the party.

It has not even been an hour since you became Queen of Wakanda and you were already in the role of taking decisions for the nation and its people, as well as taking the role faster than expected since you’d have to give the announcement of what you and the King decided. Furthermore, it wouldn’t be long until a war broke in Wakanda if Vision was brought here and Thanos found out. It wouldn’t take long for him to find the location and sent everything he has to attack the city to get what he wants, so whatever decision you took must be thought and consulted over and over again. You already knew you had to set a meeting with Okoye and the tribe leaders and their seconds in command to take the right decision. That was the first step you wanted to take tomorrow morning as the new queen of Wakanda.

[justgotham]

Madonna’s 1998 album, “Ray of Light,” bore many gifts, not least of which was the friendship between Billy Eichner and Robin Lord Taylor.

Mr. Eichner, Emmy-nominated at last for “Billy on the Street” and currently starring in Hulu’s “Difficult People,” and Mr. Taylor, a breakout star as the Penguin on Fox’s “Gotham,” which returns Sept. 28, first met in their sophomore year at Northwestern University, at a release party (of college-aged sorts) for the album given by Mr. Eichner. As roommates in New York in the early 2000s, they started their own live comedy talk show, “Creation Nation,” in the basements of bookstores and bars.

The first “Billy on the Street” videos, with Mr. Eichner surprising passers-by with questions and games and Mr. Taylor often holding the camera, were a popular recurring segment. “Creation Nation” put them on the very map they’d been studying since childhood, and today, they each wreak havoc, via their respective shows, on the citizens of this fair city.

Over lunch at Tavern on the Green, in their signature rhythm and ratio, Mr. Taylor, 39, and Mr. Eichner, 38 — who will also soon appear in FX’s “American Horror Story: Cult” — recalled cherished VHS tapes, the glory days of gay night life, and apartments with curtains for doors.

This conversation has been edited and condensed.

ROBIN LORD TAYLOR I was at the student union, and my booth was next to Billy’s. Billy was telling jokes about, I swear, like, Elaine Stritch and Jennifer Holliday. I think it was something about the Tonys that year, maybe?

BILLY EICHNER I don’t remember that at all.

TAYLOR My back was to Billy’s back, and I remember hearing him and being like, “That’s exactly the kind of conversation I came to Northwestern for. I’m gonna make you my best friend.”

EICHNER He came to this “Ray of Light” party and he was this little boy from Iowa, and he wore these fake cat ears that I guess you could buy at Bloomingdale’s at the time? And I was like, “No. Who’s that person? I’m not into it.”

TAYLOR I knew you were going to bring up the cat ears.

EICHNER To this day, I don’t understand why you would walk in with cat ears.

TAYLOR I was from a very small town, I had just come out of the closet, and it was very proto-radical faerie, without the hallucinogens.

EICHNER It was like our generation’s version of cutting. Months later, we decided to move to a bigger apartment and we needed a fifth roommate. They were like, “That guy Robin said he would take it,” and I was against it. But we were desperate. To make matters worse, we had to move in the summer before junior year, and Robin and I had to live — just the two of us.

TAYLOR I had a car.

EICHNER And I was like, “Well, that’s something.” So we would go to the mall, and we would go shopping, and we’d go to the movies.

TAYLOR It was “Living Out Loud” that did it, I think.

EICHNER There was a series of movies we went to see that normal college-aged men were not going to see in the Midwest: “Living Out Loud,” with Holly Hunter and Danny DeVito; “Isn’t She Great,” with Bette Midler and Nathan Lane. We were the only people in the theater, opening weekend of “Isn’t She Great” at the Old Orchard Shopping Mall. We would watch movies at home; we’d watch “Truth or Dare,” and I had a VHS of this thing called “The Oscars’ Greatest Moments.”

TAYLOR We memorized that tape.

EICHNER He was this quiet closeted gay boy in Iowa, and I was this louder closeted gay guy in New York City, but we were both locked in our rooms watching cable TV and sucking it all in. When we found each other, it was like, “Wait, you’re interested in —— ?”

TAYLOR Like, a “Whales of August” joke.

EICHNER We were theater majors in a suburb of Chicago and we were being gay and going to gay bars for the first time, together. Then we caught the last gasp of great New York gay night life. We could go out every night of the week.

TAYLOR And we did.

EICHNER Tuesday nights we’d go to Beige at B Bar. We both met boyfriends at Beige. We’d go to Spa on Thursdays, Starlight and The Cock on Friday, and then ——

TAYLOR Opaline is in there somewhere.

EICHNER Opaline on Saturday, or the Roxy. We were doing ecstasy, and it was the days of big club DJs ——

TAYLOR Twilo.

EICHNER Twilo, Junior Vasquez. We partied, and I’m so glad we did, because it doesn’t really exist at the moment, and we couldn’t do it now. Except, I still do it. I shouldn’t do it. It’s a bad look.

TAYLOR We lived in this crazy loft two blocks south of the World Trade Center. No doors, no walls — just curtains.

EICHNER Ten days before 9/11, we moved.

TAYLOR We lived for about five years, then, in Chelsea. I was doing commercials and little things here and there. I mostly played stoner skater types.

EICHNER I’d gone to a ton of open calls and never got anything. I was temping and bartending. No one was taking me seriously.

TAYLOR Billy was sitting on the couch one evening and asked if I would like to make something together. He even had the title, “Creation Nation.” I was sold immediately. We took where we were in our lives, and created these heightened versions of ourselves.

EICHNER I created this angry, irrationally passionate persona that “Billy on the Street” grew out of, which is not close to me. It’s coming from somewhere, I guess, but it’s very much a character.

TAYLOR I was playing a closeted actor, refusing to come out.

EICHNER Robin’s in the very first video. You can watch it on YouTube. At the end he’s running around with me.

TAYLOR I remember when the woman chased us onto the subway. Billy had yelled “Lucy Liu” in her face and she was screaming for the police.

EICHNER I told Robin to stick the tape in your underwear or something?

TAYLOR It’s funny: our current projects are the closest we’ve ever been to working on very similar things.

EICHNER I think he’s so brilliant on that show, but I’m not a superhero person. Robin would call me and tell me what’s happening on “Gotham” and I’d be like, “Dude, I don’t know what you’re talking about. You walk with that cane and put on that prosthetic makeup, and I’m gonna go write some jokes.” Now, I’m on “American Horror Story,” and I honestly do — he would call me and tell me about these violent scenes he had to do, how you have to choreograph it, how much time it takes — I have a new appreciation for it. Our careers also never were a source of tension between us, ever. There was no friction. Maybe friction because I didn’t clean the apartment.

TAYLOR Well, just that time you vacuumed vomit into the non-wet dry vac.

EICHNER I was the roommate who paid half the rent that he paid and still wouldn’t clean. I always had a great sense of entitlement.

TAYLOR Billy has always been completely unafraid to speak his mind and tell people what he believes. And that’s something I struggle with.

EICHNER I do feel like I’ve made Robin meaner, in a good way. When I met Robin, he was wearing those stupid cat ears, and he wanted everyone to like him. If I taught Robin anything, it’s that not everyone needs to like you. Granted, everyone does love Robin. He’s, like, the nicest person in the entire world. Not everyone loves me, but I think between the two of us, it’s a yin and yang.

TAYLOR All I want to give Billy would just be a connection to love and family. I just want to be a constant in his life and a connection to someone who loves him unconditionally.

EICHNER That’s nice. I said I made people hate him! But that’s why this works.

[mckirkings]

Of Mustangs and Slow Smiles - Chapter 2

A 13 Reasons Why Clay Jensen/Tony Padilla Fanfiction

AO3 Link:

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12631431/chapters/28939563

Summary:

Sometimes distance is all you need. From a place; idea. From people. It’s replenishing, distance.

That’s why Clay is so excited to go on a summer trip with his best friend Tony. To get away from everything that has bogged him down during the worst year of his whole life. To come to terms with things, good or bad. Maybe even enter a new stage of his life, if he has the courage.

Because when did Tony become everything to him? How can he chance something more if he has nobody else?

Chapters:

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

(For tags, please see the AO3 link.)

Chapter 2: Cabin on The River

Length: 4,478

The sun was almost directly overhead; Clay was sure he’d be burning like an ant under a magnifying glass if it wasn’t for the shady (but eerily wilted) tree protecting their spot on the hood of the car. He knew the Central Valley was hot during a large part of the year, but it felt even hotter now with the summer sun out fresh and beaming. The almost nonexistent breeze didn’t help much either since it was dry and sandy. Still though, eating lunch on the hood of Tony’s Mustang in some abandoned parking lot on the outskirts of a tiny town, one that looked like it was ran by a cult, couldn’t get any better. Even if farmland and hazy sky were the only things he could see in any direction.

Clay leaned over in an attempt to nab a fry out of Tony’s basket only to be blocked by a swift hand wrapping around his fingers. “No you don’t. You’ve already finished all your own—these babies are mine.”

“I gave you my pickles and you’re repaying me by cutting off my fry supply?”

Tony leveled him with a mildly exasperated expression, or the best equivalent Tony could manage through a pair of sunglasses, and let go of Clay’s hand. Clay hadn’t even realized their hands were still connected. “Yup.”

“Wha—! Fine. But we need to go back and get some more when we leave.”

It seemed like Tony was making a point of slowly eating a fry. “Sounds like a plan. We need to pick up some milkshakes too.”

“Yeah… Wasn't that the whole reason we stopped anyway? Lunch and shakes?”

“That and I needed a break. I have no idea how we forgot the shakes though, it’s damn hot out.”

So hot that Tony had removed his leather jacket miles ago, and Clay his hoodie. “This isn’t normal, this has to be climate change in action. It’s only June and it’s already the hottest year on record.”

Tony nodded and kept eating his fries, surveying the cracked domain of their parking lot, the asphalt practically steaming under the direct sun. After Tony finished he wiped his hands and bagged their trash, gracefully hopping off the hood moments later. “C’mon Clay, let’s go get us some shakes.”

Clay smiled and slipped off the hood, scrambling into the car as Tony started the engine. Luckily the seat wasn’t scaldingly hot like Clay feared, probably due to it basking in the shade for the last 30 minutes. Tony glanced at Clay as he got comfortable, making sure he was buckled up, and since it was his turn he popped in a tape as they sped out of the parking lot.

Clay lost himself in the beat of the music, watching the creepy small town pass by on the way back to the vintage drive-thru they found earlier. “Do you think it’ll be this hot when we get up to the river?”

“Probably not. We’ll be in the shade of all those trees and the river will barely be out the back door. It’ll be hot for sure, but not like this.”

“A swim sounds so refreshing right about now,” Clay said, tugging at his T-shirt collar where sweat had begun to collect, “I seriously need to get out of these clothes.”

Clay could have swore Tony’s cheeks turned a richer shade of brown. “Yeah… First thing I’m doing when we get there…”

Clay nodded, looking forward to the coolness of a slow moving river. He refused to dwell upon the image of shirtless Tony that popped into his mind, detailed tattoos and all. Instead he turned so his face received a full blast of the hot air speeding through the window. It dried his sweat, if achieving nothing else.

Tony turned down the music as they pulled up to the old streamlined diner, still cool looking even though it was half rundown and deserted in the middle of the day. It was the promise of a drive-thru that wasn’t one of the usual international fast-food chains that beckoned them originally.

The dented intercom fizzed for a second before cutting off abruptly, a bored voice replacing the mechanical noise, “Welcome to Kasper’s, home of the quadruple-stack philly cheesesteak, how may I take your order?”

“Huh…” Tony pushed up his sunglasses so he could examine the menu easier. The shake section was particularly beat-up and sun-bleached, which is probably why they missed it earlier. “I’d like a small Oreo shake and—“ He quickly glanced to Clay questioningly.

“Chocolate. Large.”

“—And a large chocolate shake. And a side of fries, please.”

The attendant repeated back their order and they pulled up to the window. After a brief exchange of money Tony was handing Clay his shake and fries, just the chill of the cup alone was refreshing.

“Thank you for your business…” The miserable attendant sighed, someone who had to be her manager suddenly looming behind her and lightly smacking her shoulder with a clipboard, “…And have a Kaspertastic day…”

Tony paused for an awkward second, “…Thanks, have a nice day.” And they drove off, sliding out onto the two-lane interstate.

Clay let out the laugh he was holding, “Kaspertastic?!”

Tony shook his head and cracked a grin. “I’m at a true loss for words.”

Clay took a long sip of his shake, the chocolatey goodness soothing its way down his throat. “That’s way worse than the butter spiel we had to give at the Crestmont—” And there he was thinking about Hannah again, but it didn't hurt as much as it usually did. “—At least these shakes are tastier than burnt popcorn.”

Tony sucked on his straw with one hand and maneuvered the Mustang with professional ease through a slip lane with the other. “I hope that large lasts you, this is all the cold we’re gonna get until we make it to the cabin. We’re barely halfway there.”

“I think I can manage.”

“Just make sure you don't get any condensation rings on the leather. You’ll suffer the consequences if you do—and the consequences are steep.”

Clay looked at Tony with disbelief and narrowed eyes, the barely perceptible curve to Tony’s lips the only sign he wasn't completely serious. Clay rolled his eyes, “Sheesh, okay grandpa…”

“For some reason I doubt your grandpa sounds anything like me.”

Tony’s raised eyebrows shouldn’t crack Clay up like they did, but he just couldn't help himself. Tony was right—his grandpa sounded nothing like him. The slow smile crossing Tony’s face at Clay’s very dignified giggles was even better though, replacing the earlier inquisitive expression that Clay found both funny and adorable.

“What?” Tony was still smiling, looking a bit out of the loop.

Clay shook his head, “It’s nothing, you’re just… I don’t know, too much.” How could he explain to his best friend that he loved every single expression that graced his face?

He couldn’t—Clay had no idea where to begin when it came to that.

-~o~-

Shadows of the tall trees on either side of the winding road were long and dark, falling over the Mustang as it rumbled along. Beams of the low-hanging sun occasionally cast through the tree branches, covering Tony in a sporadic warm glow that Clay would have found tantalizingly beautiful if they both weren’t so irritated. They should have been on this road hours ago.

It wasn’t specifically either of their faults that they missed the turnoff; the road wasn’t marked well and they were both tired but ultimately enjoying the drive instead of paying attention. But lost time was still lost time.

They had stopped in Redding to get some groceries for the first week in the cabin and stretch their legs, and once they hopped back into the car and started the trek through the foothills leading to the mountains the scenery had become too welcome a distraction. Burbling brooks, colorful rocks, and freshly-scented trees were way more interesting than endless farmland and dust pits—the heat had also let up once they entered the deep wooded valleys closer to Mount Shasta. It was only once they reached the town of McArthur did Clay realize they missed their road a good 30 minutes behind them; they almost drove past it again going back the other direction.

Clay was just glad Tony wasn’t angry at him anymore, even though he was technically the navigator; and yeah, okay, it was mainly his fault, but still.

It wasn’t like angry Tony was particularly disconcerting either, Clay could only tell due to the pursing of his lips and general quiet he emanated, but Clay still felt bad every time he made Tony feel that way. He always felt like a burden when it happened, especially since the number of times Tony had made him mad in the last year could be counted on one hand. It always made him feel like a bad friend whenever it happened, and the thoughts associated with those feelings weren’t pretty. Admittedly though, Clay rarely caused Tony to get really angry (frustrated, maybe, but not angry) and he was relieved Tony always seemed to forgive him quickly, even if Clay didn’t say anything.

But that was just like Tony, always being such a good person.

He made sure to apologize this time, profusely, so now they were pretty much quiet and allowing the music to fill the silence rather than be actively listened to. Clay had his phone up in front of him, keeping an eye out both for the mailbox described in the Airbnb receipt and on the map detailing every curve they would have to take to get there.

They were close. Glimpses of the Pit River peeked through the trees as the road meandered against the slope of the hill—only to disappear over the guardrail at every turn. Clay didn’t allow the sights to catch his eye, he was paying close attention now.

“Wait, Tony! I think that was it!” Clay twisted around to get another look at the rusted mailbox slightly obscured by undergrowth, a narrow gravel driveway only just visible to its right.

The barely noticeable tension to Tony’s shoulders disappeared and he perked up. “Thanks Clay.”

Tony pulled a quick three-point turn and they were crunching over gravel in an instant, coming to a stop so Clay could make out the peeling numbers on the side of the mailbox.

Clay squinted. “Yup, the numbers match up. This is the place.”

Tony shifted in Clay’s direction, a tiny smile curling his lips, and patted Clay on the shoulder before switching gears and slowly driving the car down the sloping driveway. Clay relaxed at that smile, Tony obviously not disappointed in him anymore, if he ever was.

The trees were tight on either side of the Mustang, hemming them in. Clay craned his neck slightly out the window, the scent of earth and living matter pleasant and sweet, almost overwhelmingly refreshing. He could hear moving water too, the river getting closer. He felt oddly at peace, looking up at the towering redwoods before him, shafts of orange light warming his face and catching floating specks as they drifted through the forest.

“This place is so cool already,” Tony mentioned, carefully steering further down the driveway.

Clay nodded and kept looking out the window; the trees eventually parting to reveal a small gravel oval and a wide bend in the river, a short stone path leading down from the oval to the front door of the cabin. The cabin was right at the edge of the water, where it seemed to be flowing the slowest, hidden behind a few lone redwoods perched along a collapsing wooden fence to one side of the stone path. The cabin itself was small and had wide dark wood siding with big slate tiles covering the high roof. A few skylights pierced through the slate and alternating small windows dotted the walls, all framed by more dark wood. A chimney poked over the top of the cabin, and Clay could see the other side of the river and the forest there, along with the snow-capped tip of Mount Shasta.

Tony parked by the start of the path and they both eagerly hopped out, Clay taking a moment to look around and absorb the location. The light was stunning, the sun low and not visible, casting long rays over the forest and sparkling off the river. The aroma of nature pleasantly assaulted Clay’s nostrils, reminding him of the mulch his parents used for their backyard.

“It’s so magical here…”

Tony had his hands on his hips and he was looking around too, he turned and shot a dazzling grin Clay’s way. “Yeah, it is. Glad we finally made it!” He looked up at the mountains across the river and breathed in deeply, “Shame it’s too late to go swimming, the water looks nice.”

Clay was reaching into the back seat to grab his duffle, his smile dimming somewhat. “Sorry about getting us lost, if we got here on time we could’ve swam.”

“It’s fine Clay. It was a harmless mistake, we’re all good now.” Tony came around the Mustang with a backpack over his shoulder and a smallish duffle dangling from one hand. Clay stood up with his bag, the look of restrained excitement on Tony’s face making him smile again. He made his way over to where Tony was waiting for him and was surprised when Tony’s free hand came to rest on his lower back, warmth spreading as Tony gently nudged Clay forward. “I’m sorry for giving you the silent treatment for the last few miles there, I know it wasn’t on purpose. But now we’re here, let’s go check it out?”

Clay nodded and felt heat rise across his face. Tony was still really close, hand guiding him and making sure he didn’t fall as they walked across uneven stones. Clay wasn’t that clumsy, but the sentiment was nice. “I think the owner said the key is under that green pot next to the door.”

Sure enough it was. Tony retreated his hand to retrieve it, and after figuring out how the key fit into the door they were inside. Tony’s hand found its way back to where it was before, Clay feeling too much like that’s where it always belonged. He wondered if Tony knew what his casual touches were doing to him.

The inside of the cabin was small but well laid out. A bathroom was visible through a door to the right, and the kitchen was wide open to the left, only separated from the rest of the interior by a peninsula-like bar. Directly across from the front door, stretching across the opposite side of the cabin, was the living room. It was two stories tall with large windows facing the river and mountains, a deck and short dock visible just outside. Past the bar to the left was a fireplace made of smooth river stones, a comfy looking couch facing it, and to the right there was a staircase leading to the loft above, a tiny dining table pushed underneath.

Clay separated from Tony, his hand’s absence leaving a warm imprint, and dropped his duffle on the couch. He looked around, finding the quality of light astounding as it flowed golden through the windows overlooking the river. The kitchen looked really nice too, a pink binder on the bar catching Clay’s attention, immediately being drawn to it.

“This is a pretty sweet place we found,” Tony said. He placed his bags on the floor and went over to look out at the river, then turning around to look up to the loft. “There’s some kayaks out there, I wonder if we can use them.”

“I think we can…” Clay idly flipped a page of the binder and kept reading, “Yeah, it says here that they’re up for grabs. And there’s a map of hiking trails too… I guess there’s only one bed though, up there in the loft. But the couch is a foldout, any preferences?”

Tony toyed with the ring on his right hand, not responding for a second. “Nah, you decide. I’ll go bring in the groceries.”

Clay watched as Tony made a hasty exit, unsure why he left so quickly. He sighed, mentally kicking himself—he should’ve said there was only one bed. It was cheesy and probably wouldn’t have worked anyway, but having even the chance of sleeping in the same bed as Tony… No, it wouldn’t have worked even if there really was only one bed. If it came down to it Tony would’ve totally insisted on sleeping on the couch. Or the floor.

“Clay.”

Also tricking someone into bed, even if it wasn’t sexual, was messed up. If he wanted to share a bed with Tony he would just have to go about it the proper way and ask—

“Clay.”

“Huh?” Tony was staring at him, smiling sweetly. Clay flushed and looked down, embarrassed. “What? Need help, um, putting away groceries?”

“No, I did that while you were off in your own world.”

Clay really didn't like how red he was getting lately. “That’s a nice way of saying ‘zoned the fuck out’…”

Tony snickered, taking out a glass from the cabinet and filling it with water. “I’m always nice, I thought you knew that.” He took a sip and leaned against the bar, on the kitchen side, “Have you decided yet? Loft or couch?”

“Uh, I think I’d like the couch. It looks pretty soft,” Clay muttered, turning another page of the binder. “And you’re always polite, but that’s different than nice.”

“There might be some truth to that, but I think being polite is kinda a prerequisite for being nice. For example; are you sure that you want the couch? I guarantee the bed is better and I did give you dibs, so…”

Clay waved him off, “No, I’m sure. Go, claim your oh-so-comfortable bed.”

Tony huffed an almost silent laugh, Clay was curious what he found so funny. He appeared to accept Clay’s demand though, grabbing his bags off the floor and heading up the stairs, each step creaking as Clay made his way over to the sliding glass door in the living room. There was a grill out on the deck with some lounge chairs, all covered in spindly cobwebs. The sky was that deep blue color that only occurred right before the sun set, everything that odd in-between of dark and light.

“You’re going to regret your decision when you see this bed, Clay!” Tony half-shouted over the loft railing.

“Then I’m not going to see it!” Clay half-shouted back. He could picture Tony’s curled lips and shaking head in response; yeah that’s exactly how Tony would respond.

Clay watched as the first signs of pink and orange started to enter to sky off to the west, tinging the clouds those same colors. The snowy tip of Mount Shasta just visible over the forested ridge across the river was turning gold with the light, the clouds collecting around the peak creating a dramatic orangish billow.

“There’s a grill too?” Tony’s hand rested lightly on Clay’s lower back again, and even though Clay wasn’t exactly tense he felt his joints reflexively relax. “Would you like me to grill up some of those sausages we bought for dinner?”

Clay turned his head, getting a full view of Tony’s expectant expression. How could a face be so perfect? “Uh, you can cook?”

“Of course. You don’t?”

“No, not really… I mean I can take care of myself if I have to, but like, I can’t really make anything from scratch. I’ve watched a lot of cooking shows with my dad, so I know ingredients and stuff, and in theory how to prepare them but… I’ve never really tried?” Tony was grinning at him again, the pressure of his hand greater than before. “…Um, some sausages sound great?”

The presence of Tony’s hand vanished, but Tony bumped his shoulder against Clay’s bicep instead. His smile was now smaller but no less intense; more private, something sweet and affectionate. “I can teach you if you want, it sounds like you just need to give it a try.”

Tony’s voice was so soft, normally light brown eyes golden in the light. Just like the snow. Clay could feel the heat in his cheeks and how it spread down to his chest. “That would, uh, be—that’s really, uh, cool. Of you—of you to suggest…”

Tony frowned, concerned eyes examining Clay’s face. “Are you okay man? No need to be nervous, it’s just cooking.”

Clay scratched the back of his neck, glancing out the window before looking back to Tony. Eye contact was so hard. “I think I’m just a bit tired… From the drive and all.”

“It’s been a long day,” Tony agreed.

“Yeah…” Clay felt his cheeks settle, he was curious what Tony made of all his blushing. “But I do want to learn how to cook. And, um, it’d be cool if you taught me. Just not now—too tired to focus.”

Tony’s smile was back, but only in the sense that the skin around his eyes crinkled. “Alright. Let’s do that some other time then, for now I’ll go prep the sausages. Can you get rid of the spiderwebs and make sure the grill works?”

“Sure, no problem.”

Tony clapped Clay on the shoulder and headed to the kitchen. Even though the way Tony constantly kept in contact with him was starting to cause Clay some problems, he still loved them—the easy touches that told him Tony cared. Even if it wasn’t in a romantic way.

Clay opened the sliding door and stepped out onto the deck, the woody scent of the cabin immediately replaced by the smell of water teeming with life and the earthy aroma of deck oil. It was noticeably cooler now too, the sky wholly in sunset mode with a burst of color to the west.

There was a greasy rag hanging off the grill, Clay took it and wiped off all the spiderwebs encasing the legs and hood. He then wiped the deck chairs, afterwards hanging the rag over the railing. Clay crouched down and opened the compartment under the grill, it looked like the propane tank was properly disconnected and just had to be hooked up again. There was a chance it wouldn’t work, what with the tank having sat for so long, but Clay gave it a try and connected the tubing and opened the valve on the tank, just like his dad showed him when they used to do backyard barbecues. He stood up and flipped open the hood, examining the dials. When he determined the master burner Clay flipped it on and hoped the grill would spark to life.

It did, just as the door slid open behind him.

Tony nodded to the flames, setting the platter he was holding down on the grill’s left side tray. It was laden with sausages and a pair of tongs. “That’s one fancy grill, we should get some more meat so we can take advantage of it.”

“Yeah that’d be cool—“ Clay stopped short when he turned to see empty air where Tony was nanoseconds before. Tony could be shockingly stealthy and light on his feet when he wanted to be, even with how bulky he was getting. “Hey! Where’d you go?”

“Just getting these,” Tony said, exiting the cabin brandishing a beer in each hand. “Hope they had enough time to chill…”

Clay took the bottle Tony offered him, recognizing the brand from the mini-fridge in the Padilla’s garage. “How’d you get these?”

Tony opened his bottle using some trick against the edge of the grill. “I had Mateo buy some cases for us before we left. I thought you noticed when we put the groceries in the trunk?”

“Obviously not, it’s cool though… I thought we’d be dry this whole trip.” Clay stood there with the lukewarm bottle weeping condensation in his hand, unsure what to do. They usually had a bottle opener in the garage for when they occasionally drank back home.

Tony took a swig, his Adam’s apple bobbing distractingly, “I don’t think it’d be a vacation in the forest if we couldn’t indulge a little whenever we wanted.” Tony smiled in Clay’s direction and noticed his problem, taking Clay’s bottle and repeating the trick to open it.

“Thanks!” Clay took a small sip, when he drank he liked to keep it slow. Tony and him were pretty similar in that way. “This was a nice surprise.”

“That’s what I was aiming for,” Tony said, gesturing with his beer to mountains across the river. “What’s better than a cold beer, good company, and an amazing view?”

“…Okay, now you seriously sound like my grandpa.”

Tony laughed, brief but musical, and smirked. He picked up the tongs with his free hand and began to place the sausages on the grill. “It’s the simple pleasures, Clay. Take a cue from your grandpa and learn to enjoy them.”

Clay rolled his eyes and settled down into one of the lounge chairs, stretching out to find maximum comfort. “Yeah… Guess I should try. Not like your advice has led me astray before.”

Tony did a little shake of his head that told Clay he was silently laughing; his warm eyes glancing Clay’s way before focusing back on the grill, taking another swig. Clay could see the happiness practically radiate off his friend and thought it suited him nicely. Tony was someone who was wound pretty tight most of the time, when they were at school or around other people. Just like Clay—though Tony passed it off as ‘uninterested cool’ while Clay could only manage ‘socially inept’.

It pleased him greatly that he was the one Tony allowed to see through the layers he put up for everyone else, even his past boyfriends. Even though Clay couldn’t find it in himself to confess his feelings to Tony, not yet at least, he knew that Tony was closer to him than anyone else. Clay allowed him through his own layers too.

The smell of applewood smoked chicken sausages wafted around them, Clay taking little sips of his beer as the sky turned from orange and pink to deep violet and blue. They exchanged sarcastic jokes, the beer creating that numbness in Clay’s mind that he craved every now and then, Tony’s laughs and quips making Clay all tingly in an inexplicable way. He could hear nocturnal life awake around them in the forest, and Clay felt himself awaken too, allowing himself to let go.

At least in that moment.

[tiredoftonkies-blog]

Ok but the malignant and cancerous defense squad stans don't even let Tony fans call out his behavior. And fucks like B/endis at Marvel and Disney are trying their best to erase the alcoholism and other "non-Christian family values" out of Tony's past. I love comic Tony's interactions with kids but hugging babies in his orphanages?! Anti-recidivism? Paying for villains' rehab? Laying it on too thick. Aren't there any other writers than B/ndis?! He fucked up GoTG too.

The defense squad stans have built a cult of personality around Tony and become a very malignant and cancerous group. Like T/ump supporters. Anything not fitting their world view, like criticism even with evidence coming from their own people, is fake news.

Christ I need sleep. Sounding like a broken record. Anyway. As a fan of the original comics and movies before the shitshow that was CACW, I really did enjoy Tony as a morally grey character. Till the rabid fanbase twisted him into some weird alt-Tony whose every mistake is excused and erased. And marvel goes along with that narrative because RDJr loves it and it sells more tickets and merch. I'm so tired. I just want one of my faves back.

---

(i’m not totally sure if one person sent all three of these asks but i’m gonna combine them for ease of answering)

i’ve noticed that! it’s really annoying. like on neutral cw fix-it fics where the author repeatedly says they’re a huge fan of tony and people in the comments are, like, personally offended by the idea that tony has anything to apologize for. (on that note i love it when people are like “i think both sides made mistakes but tony doesn’t need to apologize and steve needs to grovel” like thanks for your clearly unbiased input) 

oh dude seriously? what the fuck lol. i don’t know how different comics!tony is from mcu!tony but that definitely seems over-the-top, wtf. i thought he was supposed to be a good guy who could also be morally grey at times, not some... former douchebag turned into a disney princess or something? i’m sorry the marvel comics seem to be fucking up all their characters lately, wow

it’s so bizarre to me how many of them just flat-out ignore canon. i almost never get a response when i point out inaccuracies between what they say happened and what happened in canon, and sometimes people will continue to say things happened differently than they actually did, even after having it pointed out to them? it’s ridiculous and so goddamn frustrating

man, i’m sorry, it really sucks when writers screw up your fave character so badly, especially when it’s done by sanitizing a complicated shades-of-grey sort of character. just the way tony’s shitty behavior was largely glossed over or apparently forgiven in sm:h, to the point where the majority of fans are lauding this “mentorship” as some amazing father/son relationship, made me so incredibly frustrated with marvel; i can’t imagine how much worse it must be for you as a fan of the original tony

[nikkigrand]

Reddit Prompt: Write a horror story where the protagonist doesn’t give a fuck.

They dragged me into a back room illuminated solely by candlelight. They gagged me, stripped me, and then tied me to a wooden table in the center of a chanting congregation. They whipped me a few times, and then this small decrepit old lady with Tweety Bird locks started writing things on my back.

I didn’t mind the gagging, the stripping, or being tied down all that much—it wasn’t all that different from what my boyfriend, Mike, and I did on especially frisky nights—but I kind of minded the writing. I don’t like being written on; especially when I don’t know what it says.

If they were going to write on me, they could have at least done it where I could see. It was pretty inconsiderate if you asked me.

When they were done, they led me—or rather pushed me—along another dark corridor that really started to make me question their ability to pay the light bill. Soon, they shoved me into another dark room and focusing on not tripping became more important than the state of their finances.

“Ellie!”

Ah, yes, where are my manners? My name’s Ellie. I’m 20 years old, I have a total of four friends, and one of them is my twin sister, Milly. You know how they say that in a set of twins, there’s always one that’s the fuck up? Or the one who’s never quite as good, or amazing, as the other?

That’s Milly.

No, I’m kidding, it’s me. It’s most definitely me.

But I never really minded not aspiring to go to Yale, or Harvard, or some other prissy school like my sister’s always singing about. I’m perfectly fine working at Starbucks to support my bullshit Anthropology degree while she rides out her super expensive law scholarship. Yeah, she’s perfect and everybody loves her; but I think she’s always so uptight. I mean, you should have seen her as a kid. Always trying super hard to be this girl that everyone loves, never taking the time to just smoke a joint and relax.

My parents and teachers always wanted me to be like her. Milly could do no wrong. Ever. Besides, it was easier to blame misfortunes on the crappier twin than the star. Do I resent her for it? Not really. She may be an uppity, pious pain in the ass, but I love my sister.

But, like all siblings, I take great satisfaction in knowing that she fucked up this time and I’m not the one who got us into this mess.

“Oh my god, Ellie!” Milly cried, rushing over to take my face in her grimy hands, “What did they do to you?!”

She looked like hell. Her perfect blonde hair—that she most definitely dyed to please her boyfriend because I am a brunette—was completely disheveled and hastily pulled up into a ponytail. Her pretty blue eyes were bloodshot, and there were bloodstains all across her face and clothes.

She was looking earnestly into my own matching pair, her hands shaking, and I mumbled slowly, “They did some stuff.”

“Stuff?” She echoed, kind of hysterically. “What kind of ‘stuff?!”

“You know, the kind that makes you say ‘ow,’” I answered and Milly shoved me away disgustedly to move to the other side of the dingy room.

“Fuck, Ellie! Can’t you be serious for once in your fucking life?!” Milly viciously raked her hand through her dirty hair, making it look even worse. “We’re going to die!”

Combing my hand through my own bird’s nest for hair, I swept my gaze across the small room while Milly had her own little melt down. There was only one entrance, so that obviously meant there was only one exit, but there was a small window in the corner that looked tampered with. Only, it wasn’t big enough to fit through so I didn’t really devote a lot of time scrutinizing it.

There was a noticeable lack of food or water, or even a toilet—which sucked because I really had to pee—in the room, but there was something even bigger that was missing.

Two bodies. Tony and Jimmy.

“Hey,” I called to my sister, rubbing my sore wrists distractedly. “Where are the guys?”

“Oh, Tony,” Milly moaned miserably, and when I looked back she was cradling her head in her hands. “They took him away, too.”

Well, since she was so distraught, I’m guessing Tony didn’t make it back.

“And Jimmy?”

Milly was silent.

“Milly?” I prompted and she shook her head, raising her hand to pick at her trembling bottom lip in a nervous tick I knew very well.

“He…” She started tremulously, licked her lips, then whispered, “He escaped. Through there.”

I followed the direction her head jerked to, unsurprised to see it was the window. Well, if anyone were going to fit through there, it’d be Jimmy.

“He said—he said he was gonna get help,” Milly shook her head. “He said he’d be back for us, but—but he hasn’t come back! What if—what if…”

Milly trailed off uncertainly and I sighed. See, Tony and Jimmy were Milly’s friends. We came here with them. I didn’t want to come to the creepy old cabin in the woods, and Mike was vehemently against it, but Milly begged me to accompany her. She’d said she didn’t want to be alone with two guys in a cabin; but I secretly knew that that was one of Milly’s greatest fantasies…The freak.

She just wasn’t attracted to Jimmy, who was a really lanky and small for his age guy, but he was Tony’s best friend so she was nice to him.

Then again, Milly was nice to everyone. Me? People tended to avoid the stoner girl in my neighborhood, but I like to think I’m pretty chill. Jimmy thought so too, apparently.

Milly thinks he has a huge crush on me, but I beg to differ. I just think that the poor guy is in love with his best friend’s girl and wants the next best thing. Whatever the case, Milly bribed me with cinnamon rolls—so of course I had to come.

I had to pretend I was single and flirt with the guy, which was pretty mean, but Milly promised me more cinnamon rolls which was also pretty mean. I hope Mike doesn’t find out—he’ll kill me and Jimmy.

If Jimmy isn’t already dead, that is.

The only reason we’re here is because of some urban legend Tony taunted Milly with. He’d called her a goody two-shoes, a girl too afraid to get her hands dirty and do something dangerous. Which, I mean, is true, but Milly doesn’t take well to being challenged or teased.

So, of course, we went to the creepy cabin in the woods.

I wasn’t too surprised that we had encountered a satanic cult living there who wanted to sacrifice us to their pagan god. What else did I expect? Mr. Rodgers? Blue from Blue’s Clues? Betty Crocker?

But I guess Milly and her friends did because they were super surprised—the idiots.

Turning around, I went and tinkered with the lock a bit, finding it flimsy and dated.

“Oh my fuck, Ellie!”

Looking over my shoulder at the sound of Milly’s horrified screech, I rose a brow, “What, Milly?”

“Your back!” She cried. “It’s covered in symbols!”

“Really?” I asked, surprised. Then I remembered that hardcore BDSM orgy in the other room and, well, duh.

“Oh, yeah, I don’t know what they did back there. Could you take a picture?” And remembering that Milly was a stickler for good manners I added, “Please?”

Milly nodded, and she pulled her defunct phone from her bra and took a blurry picture of my back. The poor girl was shaking so bad I wondered how she kept her bladder together.

Zooming in on the symbols etched delicately across the span of my back, I couldn’t help but breathe, “Wow, those are pretty!”

“Pretty?!” Milly screeched incredulously, drawing my attention back to her. “Ellie, those are ancient Satanic symbols meant to open a portal to Hell!”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Have you been sneaking into my room and reading my books? Bitch.”

Milly grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. “That’s not important right now! Oh my god, this is bad!”

I shrugged. MeeMaw always said that a situation was only shitty if you made it shitty, and I thought those symbols were pretty. It wasn’t like the average person could read them anyway, and I told Milly so.

“MeeMaw was senile!” Milly shouted. “Everyone knew that!”

“Fuck off, Milly! MeeMaw was a badass!”

All things aside, that Tweety Bird cult leader had some artistic talent. I bet if she opened up a tattoo shop in the city she’d make lots of money. Milly didn’t agree, but I ignored her. Milly rarely agreed with me on anything.

I tinkered with the lock a bit until it came undone with a snap and a jangle. My sister rushed to my side and she looked at the lock nervously, as if fearful that the noise was going to make Tweety Bird and the others come running.

When a moment passed and there was no sound of Death rushing towards us, I dared creep open the door. It opened with a horrible creak and we both winced, but when nothing happened, we took off running for an escape.

Well, I was going for a leisurely stroll because I wasn’t particularly athletic, but Milly grabbed my hand and made me run with her.

She wanted to look for Tony, but I think we both knew deep down that Tony was dead. Well, I said it out loud but Milly started sobbing so I kind of took it back. But I guess she could tell I wasn’t being genuine and she started ugly sobbing even uglier.

God, I’m glad I don’t look like that when I cry.

We hadn’t encountered anyone in our mad dash to the nearest exit and beyond, and I thought that was kind of lucky. But then an axe came at us from the left, and I thought that was kind of unlucky.

Milly screamed as an awfully cliché looking man with an axe came barreling out of the woodwork, and I twisted to the side to avoid a particularly vicious hack at my arm.

It was at that moment that I knew I fucked up.

I fell into a rose bush.

Which hurt like hell because I was pretty much naked, but I wasn’t worried about that. I was more worried about the thorn in my ass.

And I’m not talking about the rose bush.

“Milly!” I shouted as my sister fell on her ass and then scrambled away from her would be killer. “Get up and run, you moron!”

As I worked to untangle myself from the stupid nest of thorns—that was the real Satan here, if you asked me. Have you ever gotten a thorn in your hoo-ha?!—Milly ran out into the treeline and left me there.

What a bitch.

And then she came running back with three more guys chasing her. 

Bitch.

Having since untangled myself from the bush, I grabbed Milly’s shaking hand as we backed up against a tree. I could think of better ways to go—cradled in Johnny Depp’s arms as he cursed at the Heavens was one of my Top Five—but I guess this was alright.

MeeMaw used to say that if the Universe always gave us what we wanted, I’d be a little bitch and she wouldn’t have saggy tits. Again, MeeMaw was a fucking badass.

Milly curled into my shoulder with a sob as the men approached and I braced myself for the feeling of being hacked to death, but then shotgun fire rang out.

It was Jimmy and Tony. Go figure.

Both guys shot at the cultists a few times until they were nothing but a bloody mess on the floor. Seemingly safe for a few moments, Milly threw herself at Tony for a tearful makeout session and when Jimmy expected the same, I held my hand up for a high-five.

He looked disappointed that I didn’t want to tongue fuck his throat. But I think he’d be more disappointed at his lack of teeth when Mike got a hold of him if he caught wind of it even being a thought in the guy’s head.

I guess it’s my fault though for leading Jimmy on.

After Milly and Tony reacquainted themselves with each other’s tonsils, Tony urged us to get a move on to avoid the other bat-shit crazies back at the house. They already knew we were gone, so it was only a matter of time before they found us again. Therefore, it was time to go.

Jimmy wanted to go back and finish them off, but Jimmy was fucking crazy and we all looked at him like he was an idiot.

Which he was.

And so we took off running.

We must have run for a few miles, or maybe like thirty meters, until we hit the road and amazingly caught some cell phone reception. Tony wanted to call the local police, but Milly—in a stroke of genius she was known for—suggested we call the city police. She thought the local police were in cahoots with the cult because that’s how these things usually go.

Tony thankfully listened to her, and within a half hour the place was swarming with city police, SWAT, and the FBI. They covered us all with blankets and gave us some hot cocoa in Styrofoam cups as the SWAT team disappeared into the tree line.

Within moments, the pleasant sound of gunfire rang through the night before they came back an hour later.

Despite cuddling up to her ‘hero’ boyfriend, Milly made it a point to sit next to me and hold my hand. After a few moments of comforting silence, I really couldn’t help myself.

“Well, that was eventful,” I said, taking a sip from my hot drink. “Think we’ll be on TV?”

“Oh my god, Ellie,” Milly rolled her eyes. “We could have died!”

“But did you?” I asked.

“What?”

“Did you die?”

“Well, no, but—“

“Okay, then. Stop your bitchin’.”

My name’s Ellie. I’m 20 years old. I have a twin sister named Milly. I’m a fucking barista at Starbucks with a bullshit degree in Anthropology. I got some cool Satanic tattoos in a cabin in the woods where my sister and I almost died, and I don’t give a fuuuucckkk.

[chinashopbully]

‘I Like Birds’ ch. 12 PREVIEW

(~2500 words) In which Bruce is exasperated, Tony is exasperating, and the author doesn't know shit about restraining himself from adding in a brief bonus!POV halfway through the story.

(also there's a donation request stuck in there at the bottom. don't want that to catch anyone off guard.)

He’s run out of things to try.

Bruce was already on the edge of doing something that’d instantly raise the Homeland Security alert levels. Roping the other Avengers in to help was supposed to increase his options, and thereby decrease his frustration, and thereby serve the overall purpose of world peace.

But of course, since Steve got pulled away on some international something-or-other, and Natasha already came and went with what seemed like maybe twenty minutes in between, only one Avenger has been around lately.

And of course, it had to be Tony.

“Have a little faith in the kid,” says Tony.

“Says the guy who tried to hold him against his will ‘for his own good’?”

“I’m never gonna live that down, am I.”

“I’ll forgive you when he does.”

“Gonna be tough to know when that is if he’s already drunk the Kool-Aid.” Tony pauses, scratches the hair at the nape of his neck. Bruce can’t tell if Tony’s overall greasiness is from handling machine parts or not showering. Both, probably. “Okay so that,” says Tony, “that came out wrong.”

“Damn well better have,” Bruce mutters, stalking away to the other side of the lab where there’s Less Tony.

Tony’s voice covers the distance a little too well. “All I mean is that if he really is chanting Oms and preparing his body for the mothership or whatever then nothing — nothing — we do or say is gonna bring him back down to earth. We try to reach out, it’ll just drive him away. Probably even prove some point about us outsiders being ignorant or hostile…”

“Not that I disagree,” says Bruce, not as under-the-breath as he intended, “but where was this understanding when you were having your AI lock down the building?”

“And anyway I don’t see how it’s our business either way.”

“How do you not give yourself whiplash?”

“Also,” Tony says, “he has powers. It not like he’s helpless.”

Bruce stares. “…I don’t want to sound like a broken record but—“

“So it takes me a while!”

The response sticks in Bruce’s throat. Fact: Tony Stark sucks at people. Sometimes willfully, often not. Occasionally it’s hard to tell which is which.

Bruce shuts his mouth.

Tony drops the torque wrench and reaches into the bag of blueberries dangling from DUM-E’s claw (probably on JARVIS’ orders). “Are we sure he’s not, y’know. Undercover or something?”

“If he were onto something — if this were work-related he’d tell us.”

“That’d be kind of a first.”

“He’d tell me.”

“You sound awfully sure of yourself.”

“He promised,” says Bruce.

“Well did he pinkie promise?” Tony leans back, and dear lord, when was the last time that face saw a razor? “Because that’s the heart and soul of contractual obligation.”

Bruce blinks at Tony’s pointedly guileless face before deciding that it’s not even worth the effort of counting to ten. He forces a smile. “It wouldn’t kill you to be slightly less of a jackass about everything.”

“That’s never been proven.”

He’s going through a rough time, Bruce thinks. He’s going through a rough time. He’s going through… “If not us,” says Bruce, “you know he’d at least tell Deadpool.”

Something metal gets thrown across the floor when Bruce isn’t looking; he jumps, presses a palm to his chest, sucks down the panic and swallows it away only through the aid of relentless practice. He stares at Tony in unbridled horror. He’s going through a very, very rough time, if he’s pulling stunts like that.

Tony gestures violently with one hand. “One, okay, I do not know that, and neither do you. We don’t even know when or, more to the point, why the kid left his place, but I will bet you an entire goddamn casino that Wilson did something shitty to drive him off. Guy’s the human personification of a fault line. Turns on a dime. Razes entire sections of the world at random. Doesn’t know pizza from roadkill and I’ve seen him go nuclear because he didn’t like the color scheme of one of the new-generation iPhone releases.”

“Meanwhile,” says Bruce, because he’s kind of in a mood now, “your response to being kidnapped was to spend the next few years building a personal army of weaponized armor and publicly claim ownership of world peace while daring known terrorists to come hurt your very few loved ones.”

For a moment Tony turns to ice, unmoving and brittle. Only for a moment. Then: “I am a model of mental health,” he says, breezing on. “Two, in the unlikely event everything is still sunshine and roses between spider-boy and Ol’ Hair Trigger, why in the name of sodium pentathol would Wilson tell us anything? I feel like his weird daddy-issues hero-worship thing he had for Cap kinda went belly-up. Because, again, turns on a dime.”

Bruce presses his thumb against a sudden sore spot on his forehead. “I can’t believe I’m about to defend Deadpool of all people, but it’s not like that was an unprovok—“

“Sure I mean, he might show up playing the I’ve Got A Secret game to try and squeeze a buck out of the deal, but he hasn’t, which most likely means he doesn’t know anything. But if you wanna track him down and interrogate him anyway, do me a solid and gimme a heads-up first because I’ve been meaning to test the new Hulkbuster armor.”

“Tony—“

“Three, and goddammit Brucie I hate to say this, I really do, but it gots to be said — maybe Spidey Krishna has been a long time coming and has nothing to do with anything. Not us, not nobody, not no how.”

“At the same time he’s been trying to track down the source of serial suicide bombers? Come on, Tony.”

“Coincidence. Fact is he’s no more emotionally stable than the rest of us at the best of times and god knows we’ve all flown off our own deep ends before. Typically, dare I say it, at the most inconvenient moment? Joining a cult is, like, the tamest of all possible outcomes, let’s be real.”

Bruce feels a dangerous burbling in his chest. Shuts his eyes for just as long as it takes to breathe in once, all the way, through the nose. Two fingers against his inner wrist. Pulse slows. “Claiming coincidence without investigation is just plain lazy,” says Bruce, with his eyes open.

Tony’s expression sours. “You’re paraphrasing. Badly.”

“Every effect has a cause. You either care enough to find out what that cause is, or you don’t.”

Tony narrows his eyes and hums in thought. “Wasn’t there something, somewhere, at some point, in some abrahamic religion, about the devil spinning scripture to his advantage?”

“Tony, I know you have a god complex, but comparing one of your pre-bandwagon rants to actual religious texts—“

“Pushing it?”

“A little, yeah.”

“Well, we were talking about cults, so. My mind was just in the gutter already, I guess.”

Bruce maintains a careful stoneface.

“Hm.” Tony flicks a blueberry in the air, catches it in his mouth on the way down. Again talks with his mouth full, which is sort of the Tony Stark equivalent of coughing and mumbling when you have to say something embarrassing. “Okay yes, my behavior before with the whole… y’know, kidnapping thing… was less than awesome and I was… less right than usual, okay? And now I just think we should leave him alone.”

“And I just think we should find a way to help him.”

“How, though? What’s he need?”

“I don’t know.”

“Because he’s not saying.”

Bruce raises his eyebrows, waiting for Tony to make his point.

“If he’s not saying anything then he’s probably not needing anything,” says Tony.

“Wow,” Bruce says. “I thought maybe you were just putting on a show so you could win the argument, but you really have pulled a U-ie.”

“Look, if you’re right, and this has nothing to do with spandex, and he really does want to be at Jonestown, then we’d be poking our way into his personal, poorly-guarded-secret-identity life and — aside from being just plain rude — probably fucking him up even worse in the long run, even if we did manage to get him to quit the club. And if I’m right, and he’s only there to work a job or… I dunno, whaddaya call it, a case? A mission? If he’s there to do Spider-Man stuff, then we’d be poking our way into that and probably fucking that up, which could get him killed. …I feel like this is overall just a no-pokey situation.”

“As if you never benefit from people sticking their noses in your business from time to time,” Bruce says, looking pointedly at the blueberry bag and Tony’s hand reaching into it.

“How dare you. JARVIS is not a ‘people’. He’s better than that.”

“I’m not saying we barge in guns blazing. But we should try to do something.”

“Great idea, and here’s another one: How ‘bout we don’t.”

“Enough don’t,” says Bruce. “We’ve been don’ting — or, you have been, rather — ever since—“

“JARVIS, music.”

“Which playlist, sir?”

“How ‘bout the GTFO party mix.”

Bruce isn’t sure how he immediately recognizes the opening of “Back Off, Bitch” by Guns N’ Roses — it’s very much not to his taste — but he does, and rolls his eyes.

It’s been over two months since both Spider-Man and reason fled Tony, and both have yet to come back. Been a little longer than that since Pepper left — physically left the Manhattan offices, since Tony refused to do so (the adult version of a child screaming get out of my room), and while Bruce sympathizes with her choices and with her need to be geographically removed from Tony, he more than sympathizes with Tony’s need for the anchor she provided.

These days Bruce can think of Betty without risking a news-breaking incident. If you’d asked him as a younger man whether a person could experience sadness so visceral that their body interprets it as a very real threat to life and limb, his answer would’ve been different, and uninformed. He still thinks “sadness” is a hell of a way to describe the existential anguish that is Betty’s absence from his life. Mostly, therefore, Bruce only thinks of Betty long enough to remember her name, and that they love each other — and that he has a good idea of what Tony’s going through with Pepper being gone.

And if Bruce can spend as much time with Tony as he does, then he must have some kind of nebulous, intuitive understanding of both how and why Spider-Man would spend time with Deadpool.

…And if Bruce is projecting onto both Tony and Spider-Man, he can’t help it. He’s not the most empathetic person, but sometimes empathy, like rage, is unstoppable.

Hmm.

He creeps up behind Tony — already back to “tinkering” and hellbent on ignoring him — and putting his hands on his knees, leans over. His mouth is an inch from Tony’s ear before Tony is even aware that Bruce is in his personal space.

“Mikey,” says Bruce, more than loud enough to be heard over the music.

Tony swats him with a backhand without looking. “I CAN’T HEAR YOU, BUT YOU GO RIGHT ON AHEAD AND KEEP TALKING.”

“His name’s Mikey!” says Bruce.

Tony throws down the screwdriver, waves vaguely for JARVIS to mute the music, and flops his hands on his knees. Sighs, heavily. “Don’t name it, you’ll just wanna keep it,” he says.

“He looks like a Mikey, too,” Bruce adds.

“Of course he does, he’s obviously an adorable babyface who was raised on wholesome cereal that’s a part of this complete breakfast. And overlooking the question of how the hell you found this out, why in the fuck would you tell me?”

Bruce shrugs. “He’s our friend.”

“Yes! He is! Our friend who loves his secret identity! And you know me, you know I’ll never be able to unlearn that. Why would you—” Tony squashes both hands to his face and takes a breath. “Look, I may be accidentally anathema to consistency, but I like to try anyway, okay? I’ve actually had to work very hard not to learn Spidey’s IRL bullshit. Do you understand how hard that is? Do you realize how much he sucks at the secret identity schtick, Gumby?”

“Gumby. Because he’s green. I get it.”

“Seriously. Why.”

Bruce shrugs. “To remind you that he’s human?”

“I know he’s human!”

“And that we all know you’re still very, very sorry about what happened, but running from your guilt by switching from extreme overprotectiveness to an extreme hands-off policy is probably not going to solve any problems.”

Tony narrows his eyes.

Bruce shifts his weight, settling back a little.

“Okay,” says Tony in a profoundly reasonable voice as he rises from the floor. His back pops, twice, when he stretches it. (His eyes bug a little, but he manages not to groan even though he clearly wants to.) “I’ll do some remote surveillance around the place and have JARVIS ping me if anything looks weird. I mean. Dangerous-weird, not creepy-weird. We’re already way past creepy-weird. So this way we’re doing something, but not sticking our hands in up to the elbow. Sounds like a pretty fair compromise to me. Coffee?”

It takes Bruce a couple seconds to realize he just won. “Great,” he says. “I mean, about the idea, not about the coffee. I know damn well that’s not decaf. …You shouldn’t have any, either,” he adds, reaching for the cold pot and holding it out of reach before Tony can touch it.

“Of course I should. I’m a busy adult with many important things to do. And cocaine’s still illegal.” He opens the minifridge, and Bruce closes it with his foot before a can of Monster can escape.

Tony fixes him with a look. “You’re cruel to me,” he announces.

“Mm-hm. How many hours since you slept?”

Tony pretends to consider the question, then gives up. “JARVIS?”

“Thirty-one hours, sir.”

“Thirty-one hours, Brucie Boy,” says Tony.

“C’mon,” Bruce says, reaching for Tony’s elbow. “You’re going to bed.”

“Nah! Nahahah nnno!” He curls away. “You’re gonna have to wash the hell out of your hands if you want to put them anywhere near me.”

“Tony, you’re standing there in a cloud of your own thirty-hour stink and I seriously doubt if you’ve changed your underwear since the weekend. Don’t talk to me about germs.”

Tony hisses.

Bruce makes a grab for him.

“Jesus, your hands are cold!”

“Come on.”

“I need an adult!”

“Tony—“

“I’m not tired.”

“Worse than a nine-year-old…”

“Ow! Did I say you could—“

“Would you just—“

“Okay! Let go, alright! Hands off, I’m going, I’m going.”

“Go to bed, Tony.”

“You’re not my real dad.”

Somewhere in the lava flow of his subconscious, Bruce can feel the Other Guy roll his eyes, at both of them.

Hey! If you like this scene, or if you like the fic in general, if it has added some kind of value to your life, and only if you are comfortable with it and can afford it, please consider tipping the author.

There are zero negative consequences to not tipping. That is totally chill. Author understands what it's like to not be able to respond to a donation request (and also to just... not wanna) and officially absolves you of all guilt and guilt-related feelings. Author is nonetheless forced to make a public request for donations so that the people who already can and want to will be able to do so.

Positive impacts of tipping include: supporting an unemployed autistic, helping someone get out of A Situation, validating many hours of emotionally difficult work with a material survival resource, and (author hesitates to mention this because it feels borderline manipulative but, dammit, for the next several hours it is also true) congratulating someone on surviving another year because today (wednesday) is author's birthday.

Have an excellent rest of your day.

[multifandomhoodies]

i meant to do a wrap up post after i was done working but honestly it never happened. we had a pizza party. kenny tossed me a steelers bag. he and ray had gotten me a browns hat because they think they’re funny (they are). i still have the bag and took it home with me over thanksgiving break. louie gave me some shitty advice that i have written down on sticky notes next to my calender. rudy kept saying and i quote “gimme some of that deluxe” steve “where are your manners”. they started a fucking cult when i went for my exit interview i was gone for ten minutes. i came back and they were calling each other brother. i was informed by louie later that I was ALSO a brother. im soft. tony and louie were edging before lunch and then again after lunch and both of these fools almost threw up because of eating too much. “how much pizza did you have jesus” “i dunno like six or seven pieces” “jesus CHRIST” they also had wattamelon which is just,, ridiculous. it’s great. my brother showed up with the dog and louie asked to pet her and he deadass sounded like a little kid like am i allowed so they both got to pet her. and tom got to meet the dudes ive been talking about so much. steve called me leaving “the end of an era” (thank you steve). we talked a bit before clocking out and i was the last to leave and louie gave me the shitty advice “if you ever get stressed out at college, just imagine tony and I doing stupid shit” and “don’t get stressed uot. just fucking wing it. i have no fucking idea what i’m doing” andrew louie and tony were doing some paperwork and i hugged those dudes before i left and like, aww. i cried on the way home. i really had a great time working there. those guys really watched out for me and showed me so much. i learned so much and i heard some really ridiculous things that were just so funny. i really do feel so grateful that i worked there. i was so nervous to work a full time job and was a bit nervous to be around something that was probably all men. it was all men except me but they never made me feel uncomfortable. they really felt like my older brothers and they even referenced that themselves! kenny “tell them boys [at college] that you’ve got a bunch of older brothers here.” did i clean shit out of a urinal? yes! did i get trash juice and bleach on me? yes! was it sometimes 85 degrees out and i was wearing long pants and working in the middle of a parking lot? yes! but yaknow what? shit in a urinal’s a funny story. trash juice is a term i’d never hear or used before this summer and now it’s a term i know well. when it’s 85 degrees out and you’re sweating your ass off? wipe your face on your shirt and realize that you’ve got mulch all over. yell for your coworkers to toss you your water bottle and catch it. everyone else was in the same shit as you. laugh about it! it sucks! but you’re doing it and you’re outside and it’s hot but you’re there. you’re doing stuff. you’re with great people. it was a great place to work. there was shitty management from dan but everyone joked about him. it wasn’t always great! but overall! sometimes i’d just fucking be driving around or just working in that park just kind of smiling. it was so easy to smile and say good morning to guests in the park. i was having such a great time. and with an otherwise shitty summer, that job was incredible. i had problems with my friends the whole summer and i made new ones. i got to be outside which was a great break from school. my anxiety was worse over the summer and it’s gotten a bit worse i think since ive been in school but still. working there still largely overshadowed that and all the other shit. i just. it was such an experience. this still doesn’t even cover it all. i dont even know completely why i loved it so much. it was just so great.