#He is putting together an instagram reel of a documentary so he can talk about it with his crush Insane

[chucktaylorupset]

This meta is amazing and on a completely tangential note: kabrus main interest is in understanding people; the fact that he took this complex drama of human desire, theoretically all of the things that he is interested in, and focused on simplifying it says INSANE things about how much he is obsessed with Laios. I need a long rest.

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

[disasterbuck]

Buck, you have food on your face

706 words inspired by this instagram video: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C72LNWTNb82/

read Eddie’s version here

Wiping his hands on his napkin, Eddie turned to look at Buck and see how close he was to finishing his burrito. The two of them were sitting on Eddie's couch, a documentary on bees playing on the TV while they ate.

Buck had already finished eating and was now simply absorbed in the film, eyes glued to the screen. He had a smudge of sauce on his cheek which he seemed unaware of, and Eddie smiled fondly before tapping his shoulder to get his attention.

It took a moment for Buck to tear his eyes away from the screen, engrossed as he was. When Eddie finally had his attention, he pointed at Buck's cheek and then tapped his own to indicate where the sauce was.

Without pausing, Buck leaned over with a smile to kiss Eddie's cheek.

Eddie froze.

"That's… not… You have sauce on your face!" Eddie stammered.

"What?" Buck frowned and put a hand to his cheek, finding the sauce. Looking extremely embarrassed as he reached for his napkin, he muttered, "Oh."

Heart racing, Eddie was silent as Buck cleaned his face. The documentary kept droning on in front of them, talking about how bees would use different dances to communicate information to the rest of the hive, and Eddie tried resolutely not to think about how natural it had felt to have Buck kiss his cheek.

"Are you okay?" Buck asked after a moment, and Eddie was surprised to see him staring not at the TV but at him.

"I'm fine," he said weakly.

"Are you sure?" Buck pressed. "Cause you look like you've seen a ghost."

"I just wasn't expecting you to kiss me," Eddie admitted, then instantly regretted his words as his mind provided him with an image of a very different kiss to the one that had just happened.

"Sorry," Buck said, his face flushing a beautiful pink. "I don't know why I thought that's what you wanted me to do."

"It's okay," Eddie said quickly, not wanting Buck to get down in his feelings. "I liked it."

"You did?" Buck looked over at him hopefully, eyes so wide and blue that Eddie didn't have a chance to chastise himself for letting the words slip out. Buck was so beautiful and so eager. How could Eddie do anything but tell the truth?

"Yeah," he said quietly. "I did."

A shy smile slowly curled Buck's lips and Eddie swallowed nervously when he realised they were getting closer to each other. He wasn't sure which of them had moved, or whether it was both of them, but soon Buck's nose bumped against his and Eddie parted his lips in an uncontrollable gasp.

"Can I kiss you?" Buck whispered.

"You're missing the documentary," Eddie murmured, inwardly cursing himself for saying something so inane.

Smirking, Buck shifted to graze his lips across Eddie's cheek again. "Yes or no," he breathed, the words hot against Eddie's skin.

Eddie meant to answer, to say yes. But when he tried to he found that his lips were otherwise occupied. Without consciously deciding to, he'd taken Buck's face in his hands and pressed their lips together eagerly and now he couldn't make himself stop.

Thankfully, Buck wasn't objecting.

Surprising himself with his boldness, Eddie found himself climbing onto Buck's lap and deepening the kiss, swallowing every groan and gasp that came from Buck's mouth. The kiss turned slightly feverish, lips sucking and tongues searching and hands gripping, clutching, touching. Buck tasted like the burrito he'd just eaten; it was delicious.

Suddenly, the room was plunged into darkness as a power cut killed the lights and the television. Eddie sat back on Buck's thighs, staring at the outline of his face in the darkness.

"Was that us?" Buck asked with a delighted chuckle.

"Sure," Eddie said sarcastically. "Our kiss was so powerful it killed the lights."

Buck's hands slid to Eddie's ass and gave a gentle, teasing squeeze.

"That was like getting struck by lightning," Buck whispered reverently. "But better."

Eddie wanted to tell him off for referencing the lightning strike, but there was a lump in his throat. So instead of speaking, he leaned in for another kiss.

As their lips met, the power came back on.

-

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