#Having actual borders instead of weird messes might be nice.

[blackwaxidol]

Here is where I got to with Ru'thûn's side-profile.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “The Final Word”

Well, we made it to the finale, everyone, and if you're reading this it seems you've survived the watching of it too. Barely. To say that some questionable choices were made across these 20 minutes is... an understatement.

But before we delve into the episode, I want you to cast your mind back to November 7th, 2020. A horrible year that heralded a horrible RWBY volume. There, coming off the shaky writing of Volume 7, I posed a number of questions and concerns that the show needed to tackle, with the promise that we would return to these expectations in four months time. Now, here we are! Let's refresh everyone's memory, yeah?

Taken directly from that recap, what RWBY promised us, through various teasers and Q&As, included:

Emphasis on Ruby’s leadership and how Summer’s death has impacted her

Insight into Ren and Nora’s flaws

May Merigold will supposedly have a larger part

More information about The Long Memory (Ozpin’s cane)

Theme of the volume is that you can respect someone but that doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with them

Very short timeline (supposedly just two days)

Yang in particular is very suspicious and distrustful

And you know what? They did all this. In the spirit of being fair and honest to this show, RWBY succeeded in delivering on everything they promised... it was just our foolishness that expected that these ideas would be delivered well. Ruby's leadership took center stage in the form of her hiding for multiple episodes and then others telling her she's still The Best before the plot dropped a solution into her lap... one she could have used at any point prior to this. Summer's death certainly has an impact, though it's an impact born of a crazy reveal that Summer likely isn't dead, but turned into a horrifying grimm monster. Ren and Nora both delve into their flaws, but heaven forbid either grow from that reflection. Ren learns that if he pushes past his primary flaw of keeping his emotions buried and actually expresses his doubts for once, he'll be yelled at and ignored until he admits how wrong he was. The "real" flaw is being a bad friend, with "bad friend" equaling "Not agreeing with Ruby 100%." Meanwhile, Nora considers that maybe she shouldn't rush in recklessly and hit things with her hammer... which is why she rushes in recklessly, hits something with her hammer, gets grievously injured, and is told that this is just who she truly is. No growth there, not unless we count her sudden desire to figure out who she is without Ren... but that exploration hasn't started yet. Too bad she wasn't the teammate separated at the end of the volume!

Meanwhile, May did indeed have a larger role to play, one I quite liked, it's just that this role — like all the others — inevitably circled back to realizing how wonderful Ruby is. May challenges Ruby to make a decision, but instead of being the catalyst for Ruby's growth, May becomes another forgotten side character who does a sudden about-turn regarding her perspective, leaving the group with the contradictory message that Ruby is actually doing her best, she's just a kid, no need to try any harder... everyone who claimed otherwise up until now was mistaken. May is another Cordovin. She's another Qrow. She's another Maria.

Fun fact: we don't even know if Maria is alive right now. That's how little she means to the show!

Actually, wait... anyone remember this nonsense from Volume 7? 

I was too lazy to change the date.

Moving on, Ozpin's cane turned out to be a stakes obliterating bomb that came out of nowhere, makes no sense logistically — how do battles store energy that only hurts grimm? — yet nevertheless seems to have killed Hazel? It's a disaster of unanswered questions. Similar to the disaster of our two day timeline when, I'm fairly sure, we've had an unnatural number of sunrises and sunsets. I'll have to take a look back at the volume as a whole now that it's complete to be sure of that though. As for our themes... did we really explore the idea of respecting someone even if you disagree with them? Because Ironwood wasn't shown any respect. Ren wasn't shown respect. I think the closest we got was Oscar calmly validating Yang's worry about getting buddy-buddy with Emerald, but the whole point there was that Yang was wrong. She wasn't wrong, but that's what the text would have you believe. She is indeed "very suspicious and distrustful," but that's hardly unjustified in these circumstances. I'm still boggling at the fact that it took the group three volumes for forgive Ozpin, even while he was actively working to assist them, yet I-helped-destroy-Beacon-and-tried-to-kill-everyone-you-love Emerald is the group's new BFF after she... ran away with Oscar? She didn't save him, she just went along for the ride. At the very least we might have gotten a scene where Penny was like, "Hey, why are you all laughing with the woman who just tried to kill my dad?"

But oh yeah, the story doesn't remember Pietro exists either. His daughter is DEAD and he hasn't been on screen since Episode Five, let alone there when she passes.

I had my own list going in, including such expectations as "Ozpin bb you got done dirty please acknowledge this" and "Queer baiting, queer baiting… you’re on thin ice at this point, RWBY. Just skate on over to the queer snack bar before you fall straight into the lake." Obviously these needs were not met.

So what, given this mess of expectations, did we end up with?

Our finale — for some reason — breaks the one word title trend with "The Final Word." It's an expression that refers to the final word in an argument or a discussion, the idea of winning by making a last, devastating point. It can also refer to making the final decision on something, which is the best way I'm able to apply the title to this episode (outside of any “final” comparisons). Penny's death is certainly all about choice and making some kind of decision... but on the whole, this title doesn't feel like it fits well. Not like "Worthy" or "Creation" or "Risk." The two latter titles had obvious connections to the episode in question through dialogue and plot, while the former was a deliberate callback to Watts' speech. "The Final Word" feels... less obvious in what it’s trying to say.

That's a minor nitpick though. Let's get into the meat of the episode.

We open on the grimm whale still disappearing, which is weird. I get that it's massively bigger than any other grimm we've seen, but they all turned to dust near instantaneously and it's been, what? At least an hour since Oscar blew it up? Likely longer when we factor in their walk back to the manor, the fight with Ironwood, fixing Penny, and this entire evacuation. It certainly makes for a nice visual, but like so many details in RWBY, it raises unnecessary questions along the way.

The important bit though is that amidst the whale carcass a blob of evil is swirling about. Salem, obviously. 

She’s not reforming in time to actually do anything though, don't worry.

Instead, we cut to the Ironwood vs. Winter fight and there's at least some dialogue this time. Ironwood yells that he's sacrificed everything to keep Remnant safe. Winter yells back that he actually sacrificed everyone else. Obviously, Ironwood should be called out for things like, you know, his unprompted murders, but instead they have Winter listing stuff that she was never shown to have a problem with before. The embargo? "Squeezed Mantle until it broke?" She, as Ironwood's second hand, understood and supported both the decision to close the border and the need to collect resources for a plan designed to take out Salem. I hate that no only did she turn without an ounce of hesitation or grief, but now they're having her act as if Ironwood forced these decisions on everyone, rather than everyone supporting him through them. We all remember Volume 7 when Ruby pressured him to finish Amity, right? And in trust RWBY fashion, most of these words are meaningless. Mantle "broke"? What does that mean? The class disparity did not come about through Ironwood: that's been in the works for generations. The lack of resources made things harder, yes, but when they were reclaimed by Robyn nothing improved. Watts is the one who turned off the heat and Salem attacked Atlas, leaving Mantle alone. Now, all the citizens have escaped through magical portals. So how is Mantle "broken" exactly? More importantly, why is Winter upset over this vague, nonsensical dilemma when she could be yelling about Ironwood wanting to bomb Mantle?

Again: this woman watched Ironwood shoot the councilman, shrugged, and continued to believe in him up until she realized his bomb threat was real. That was one of the main reasons why I thought the councilman might be alive, with Ironwood only shooting a warning shot past him. Because this is how you react to a good person unexpectedly killing someone else

whereas this is what we got from Winter and Harriet.

Hell, Weiss has more of a reaction to Yang telling Ruby things aren't super great right now.

So either Ironwood didn't do something that bad, thereby justifying these tame reactions (unlikely, given where his character ended up), or we should believe based on the animation that everyone was super chill with him killing an unarmed civilian. Which is then directly contradicted when they're like, "You're going to shoot Marrow? Bomb a city?? How could you do such horrible things??? 😲" Friends, buddies, fictional pals... you already watched him murder a dude.

The point is, there's a lot for Winter to be upset about, but she's not upset about that. There's a lot that Winter herself believed in, but the writing has forgotten that. This entire arc went off the rails a volume ago.

Also, why is Ironwood fighting with that giant gun? This is his final battle, presumably ever, and he's wielding this awkward, sluggish weapon we saw him randomly pick up two episodes ago? Let him use his regular guns! Give us a fantastic battle like he had with Watts! Instead, RWBY's final showdown consists of him using this no-name weapon as a unwieldy club in some of the most boring choreography we've seen to date. It doesn't help that this fight needs to share time with three others. Instead of an epic showdown, we're given glimpses of the battle before continually cutting away from it. 

During that first cut we return to the Team RWBY battle where Penny, doing her best to stay out of Cinder's reach, is whisked away on Weiss' wasp.

Too bad she didn't do that for Yang...

Jaune and Nora watch this horror unfold until Jaune says, "Priority one!" and they split. Except... what is priority one exactly? Helping the civilians? I guess, because they don't enter the fight until the very end of it, when everyone else seems to have made it to Vacuo. And you know what, I like that. For once it feels like the group — or at least the B Team — is acting like huntsmen, putting the needs of the people over their own, personal desires. I'm sure Nora wants to help the group after Yang's (presumed) demise and that Jaune would like nothing more than to get his hands on Cinder, but they put those grievances aside to do the work they signed up for. Good job!

My only real gripe is that we don't really see this struggling in the animation, I'm just assuming it's there. In particular, there's a moment when Jaune sends Nora through the portal for reinforcements — not knowing they can't return — and they seem a little too jovial when, by this point, three friends have died.

There's letting your cast be supportive, and then there's having them ignore that three teammates have perished in an abyss. It really doesn't help to sell the idea that Yang, Ruby, and Blake are in any danger here.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Penny tells Weiss that since Cinder is really just after the Maiden powers, she can buy the rest of the group time to escape. Weiss, obviously, isn't fond of this idea... and then the both of them are blasted off the wasp by Cinder's fire. Which they deserve, frankly. They're just having this casual conversation about sacrifice while in the middle of a battle. Did they somehow forget that Cinder can fly too?

Note that multiple attacks from Cinder, another blast, and a hard landing on the pathway gives their auras a knock, but doesn't break them. The primary defense for Yang's aura shattering in a single, simple hit was that everyone is exhausted and running on little to no power... yet here the rest of the cast is, tanking multiple hits as we've come to expect. There is no explanation for Yang's defeat except that the writers chose to ignore the rules of their world for a dramatic death scene... even though that drama was erased a week later as half our team falls into the void too.

We'll get to that though. For now, Cinder corrects Penny's belief with "I want it all" and proceeds to try to finish them off, only for Blake to arrive, having made her choice from last episode about who to help. It's a legitimately nice attack, but I happened to pause at the bEST MOMENT

Anyway.

We leave that fight to return to Qrow and Harriet who have, off screen, started an entirely different battle. What I mean is, last we saw Qrow had broken through the windshield of the airship, roughly pinned Harriet, and was taunting her about getting the fight she wanted. Now, suddenly, he's going “You’re making a mistake, Harriet, what happened to Clover—” as if he's been trying to talk her down this whole time. It's jarring, especially when we consider that Qrow had a volume long "kill Ironwood" arc that was dropped because... Robyn reminded him that murder is bad? RWBY feels like a storytelling pinball machine. Characters bounce from one personality to the next, one perspective and another, round and round until you don't know where they'll end up.

Harriet screams for Qrow to just shut up already and honestly? Same. I love Qrow, he's one of my favorites, but I can't deny that he's been done dirty like so many others since Volume 6. I love who Qrow was, not the mess RWBY has created the last few years.

Time to delve back into fic after recapping!

Sadly though, this strange dialogue wasn't the only "wtf" moment. Harriet is still trying to drop the bomb — which is its own mess of confusing motivations — when Vine and Elm show up on Harriet's ship. Elm begs Harriet not to do this "because you’re our friend!”

Am I glad that they finally acknowledged that the Ace Ops have always been friends? Sure, but why did we spend two volumes claiming otherwise? They were friends, a fantastic team, then Harriet announces that's a lie and we get a bunch of "Team RWBY is superior because they're actually friends" messages. Except this entire time we're still watching the Ace Ops be kind and playful with one another. But they're not friends, the story says. Not friends as they fight these battles. Not friends as they grieve for Clover. Definitely not friends as they react in horror at Ironwood nearly shooting Marrow. No, there's nothing there... until Elm claims there is! Then Harriet reacts in shock. I have friends?

Except Elm was labeled the one "just following orders" by Yang. Elm is the one who shook off Vine after the whale exploded. This isn't the story of one character, Harriet, thinking she was alone and then realizing that people do care for her, this is a story that, seemingly at random, had this group being BFFs or acting like they hated each other — and at each point the visuals are contradicted by the story's message. When they act like friends, we're told they're not friends. When they don't act like friends, we're told they really have been this whole time. I mean, do any of them even care that Marrow teamed up with Qrow and Robyn to take them out five minutes ago? All three were going along with Ironwood's scheme until they were physically stopped, but now Elm is convinced this is a bad decision she needs to talk Harriet down from with the power of friendship?

None of these characters are characters, they're just slapped together reactions based on whatever the plot needs. Who is Elm? I've got no clue. Her personality changes every episode.

Also, love that Qrow moves to stop the bomb from dropping and Harriet screams at him to "Get out of the way!" rather than just... attacking him? She even throws her hands out like she's having a temper tantrum. This feels like schoolyard bickering, not a life or death struggle.

Even though, you know, the audience is aware that the people of Mantle have already been evacuated and Qrow's group is aware that Atlas is falling on top of Mantle as they speak, so... why does the bomb matter? It's going to, what? Destroy the city thirty seconds before Atlas does? Oh no, the horror.

Things then, if you can believe it, get even worse. The bomb is still about to drop, so instead of doing anything to stop it — I mean seriously, we know it takes four people to shoulder the bomb's weight, but you're telling me Qrow and a reformed Harriet can't snag it in a pinch? — Qrow sits there, looks at Clover's pin... and the bomb careens towards the side of the airship instead, stopping.

Because I guess Qrow has good luck now? Or always did and somehow never noticed it? Or his semblance evolved?? Again, we don't know, but it's a bad moment any way you slice it, imo. Qrow has always been defined as the guy with a bad luck semblance and, much like Penny's android struggles, the allure was in watching him overcome those challenges, not having the show erase the challenge entirely. Especially when we don't even understand how it was erased. Qrow just... stops drinking, stops caring for Ironwood, stops wanting to kill Ironwood, stops causing bad luck, I guess. RWBY takes major character traits and flips them off like a light switch, leaving the audience with no emotional tether. We didn't watch Qrow overcome his drinking, or realize he can't bear to kill Ironwood, or discover a way to live life with the horrible hand he was dealt, he just blinks one day and those things are gone. Why? No one is sure. Not even the writers, I'd wager, because otherwise they would have written explanations into the text.

Many in the fandom insist that any basic information provided by the story amounts to "hand holding" when in fact there is a massive difference between the sort of unnecessary exposition that bogs down a tale, and having facts enough for the audience in its entirety to be on the same page about what is actually happening. For example, recently someone argued strongly that the "Penny is human" take is incorrect because Penny isn't human, she has an inhuman body made entirely of aura... yet where in the world does this exist in the story? Ambrosius may have been unsure about what Penny would be prior to removing her robotic parts, but that ambiguity is gone once her body forms, the equivalent of worrying about that gun only for a flag with 'BANG' to appear instead of a bullet. Worrying about something doesn't mean that something actually occurred. Penny appears human, expresses human sentiments, and then, this episode, dies as a human. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck and succumbs to the mortal peril that all ducks face... it's probably a duck. As I said in a recent ask, I implore the fandom to stop writing RWBY's scripts for them. Or rather, do so in some amazing fanfics. Don't do it on critical posts as a means of insisting that your revision is canon.

So Qrow has good luck now, maybe, but this character change doesn't amount to anything because Watts remotely starts the bomb's countdown.

At least he’s entertaining and competent. We had that for a time. 

Back to the main battle, Neo is kicking Ruby's ass. Why? Because there's no consistency in power levels in this show. The ancient woman who hasn't fought in decades dances circles around Neo, highlighting how weak she supposedly is, yet now Neo dances circles around our main character. None of us should expect fights to follow the logic of the world, only what drama the plot wants to stir up. Ruby is eventually knocked down from a hard hit — yet her aura's intact! — and is saved at the last second by Weiss tossing Neo into one of the portals. 

Far more of a problem than the power leveling is that Ruby gives no indication here that Neo just murdered her sister. Again, that's what the characters are meant to believe, yet Ruby is as stoic as she would be fighting a bunch of White Fang grunts. If you showed this scene to a RWBY fan on its own and asked, "What do you think happened prior to this?" the answer would be, "Uh... nothing? Ruby is just fighting Neo like she did on the airship in Volume 3." Nothing about this scene — from dialogue to animation — sells the idea that Ruby just lost the person most important to her in the world.

When we do finally mention Yang, it's Weiss who goes, “Come on, we have to do this for Yang” and the delivery is... meh. Honestly, I normally don't pay much attention to the voice acting, but I had a problem with most of Weiss' lines this episode. The "Leave her alone!" during this fight and later a "Get back!" as she attacks Cinder both fell really flat for me. Given the devastation and charged emotion that's supposed to be here, we can't give her anything better than generic cries that, again, she’d throw at any grunt? In that later scene the animation absolutely helps sell Weiss' distress, but the dialogue is common and the delivery has no emotional punch, leaving it feeling like Yang is just hanging out in Vacuo and they promised they'd beat the baddies before catching up with her. No one but Blake is acting like Yang died.

In fact, we see more emotion from Ruby when Weiss shoves her back, taking the brunt of Cinder's blast.

Weiss' aura breaks, not that that's a danger or anything. Everyone falls before they're injured, Winter gets the Maiden powers, Ren barely has to fight. Losing aura in this show used to be a moment of peril, where just last volume Winter was bruised, bleeding, and now needs an assistive device because she had to continue a battle with no aura. Now it's a joke. Aura breaks left and right across the volume with no repercussions attached to that.

We see a bit of the Blake and Penny vs. Cinder fight where Cinder blasts Blake off the edge. Penny rushes after her because at least one character remembered that they can fly.

Ruby, meanwhile, remembers that she can fly when it benefits her. After getting hit down onto a lower level and watching Crescent Rose plummet, she taunts Neo into an attack with a move that's actually quite good. I like the confidence with which Ruby riles her up and I like the strategy of darting behind Neo to knock her off the path instead. “Whatever you wanted, I hope it was worth it."

The only thing I don't like is that this speed and ingenuity had to disappear to justify Yang falling.

Cinder breaks Ruby's aura from behind though, sending her over too and grabbing onto Neo's leg. In an obvious moment born of the trope, it looks as if Cinder is reaching to help Neo, only for her to snag the Relic instead. “You should have never threatened me," she tells Neo and to Ruby: "you should have never been born.” 

Love that they erased all that cool growth from last episode! And by "love" I mean "hate." As I said last recap, I'm not going to pretend that Cinder's character isn't riddled with problems, but realizing she was stronger by teaming up with Neo and Watts was one of the best things they've ever done for her. It made Cinder dangerous again and showed Watts' speech having a clear impact. It also made her more entertaining, creating a new dynamic among the three villains. Now though, Cinder is just... Cinder. The same boring, stupid Cinder we've had since Volume 4. She betrays Neo and then later betrays Watts.

So Cinder kicks Neo and Ruby both over the edge because why would we want to make her interesting? Neo falls, but Ruby has friends there to catch her! Unlike Yang. Jk. Weiss’ aura is gone and Blake actually tried both times, so major kudos for her. Using momentum supplied by Penny, she snags Ruby and hooks her weapon into one of the pathways... only for Cinder to cut the ribbon. Both plummet and once again Penny has a more believable reaction to all this, just like she did last week

Speaking of reactions, does anyone else find it weird that Cinder finally succeeded in killing Ruby and... doesn’t seem to care? 

No? Just me? 

At least we get that good animation with Weiss I was talking about before, even if the dialogue is lacking. I love that she snagged Blake's weapon and uses it to try and take out Cinder, shaking the whole time. Those are some great details. 

Back to the bomb, Qrow is trying to escape, but Harriet says there isn't enough time to get out of the blast range. "I've killed us all." Vine has the solution though, using his semblance to wrap up the airship, thus containing the blast when it goes off. His final words are to reassure Elm that he can give his life, "if it means saving all of my friends." Just in case you missed the part about the Ace Ops being super close this whole time. Even though they also weren’t. Trying to eat your cake too, RWBY? 

Frankly, I didn't feel much of anything during this scene, not when Vine made the sacrifice, nor when Elm and Harriet look on sadly while Robyn pilots them away (that's her contribution this episode). 

All I can say is, good on RWBY for not killing one of the three dark skinned characters, or just murdering the Ace Ops as a whole. What the story is going to do with them though, who knows.

Jaune and Nora have that ‘You can do it!’ moment after three of their friends have presumably been killed. I swear, about 80% of Jaune's scenes do not work tonally and oh boy, things only get worse from here.

First though, I like his entrance. He slams into the fight against Cinder and lines up with Penny and Weiss, who is still dual-wielding her and Blake's weapons. That's an epic shot.  

It looks as if they stand a decent chance against Cinder — Weiss' lost aura notwithstanding — except then Cinder's arm starts going crazy and she gleefully announces that Salem has returned.

Working on a time limit now, Cinder unleashes a volley of attacks that Penny steps in to protect the other two from. It's here that Cinder grabs hold with her grimm arm.

It's here that Penny dies. Again.

For the third time.

Friends, I am tired. This moment honestly deserves the most epic of rants, but that, in turn, requires energy. Energy? In this economy? Ha! That's hilarious. Taking this seriously though, the problem here can — as usual — be boiled down to a single question: What was the point?

Penny died in a horrible attack that shook the cast and audience both to their core.

That emotional impact was erased through her resurrection.

The resurrection did not create a new emotional impact for our heroes to grapple with.

Penny is given the Maiden powers, solidifying the fact that she's always been a "real girl."

That lesson was erased when the story decided to make her human for unexplained reasons (because no, she never needed to be human to survive the virus).

Penny then dies, passing the power to Winter... who was set to get the power in the first place.

We have, once again, come full circle. You can take Penny out of the story and nothing changes. Does Ruby lose any lessons or emotional growth? No. Does anyone survive who would have otherwise died? No. Does her getting the powers lead to someone unexpected snagging them upon her death? No. Penny's existence was filler. She was put in the story to take up time and, that done, was removed from the story once again. It's a choice that wouldn't be half as horrible if that filler hadn't done so much damage along the way.

First is the obvious: that Penny didn't deserve this. As a character, she didn't deserve to be brought back just to be killed off again, seemingly without narrative purpose, serving only to draw in viewers who RT knew loved the character. Second, keeping her in the story led to her entire arc unraveling. Initially, Penny died as an android in the world's eyes, but those who actually knew her — Ruby and Pietro — mourned the girl she really was. Now we have this horrible message that being a machine isn't real enough, so she has to die as a human being. It's a disservice to her character and, as an allegory for many minorities, downright insulting to the audience. Third, this offensive 'better to die as a human than live as a robot' message is wrapped up in the claim that Penny finally gets to choose something — “Let me choose this one thing. Trust me” — but she already did that when she chose to take the Maiden powers. We already had the better written version of this last volume!

And the fourth issue...well.  

Fourth and fifth are the real kickers. Fourth is that Penny's death was an assisted suicide. She explicitly asks Jaune to kill her so she can ensure she's thinking of the right person when she passes (never mind that her thoughts would probably be on Jaune while this is happening) and that's... pretty horrible. Look, I'm no purist. I like a great deal of dark, gritty stories whose plot exists to make us uncomfortable. That's a valuable emotion that fiction can generate. The problem is not that RWBY is tackling a sensitive topic, but that they aren’t tackling it well. Yes, they put in a content warning and (from what I've heard) a suicide helpline as well, but providing the already necessary resources is not the same thing as writing that kind of scene with respect and care. All of the above tells us that, no matter what RT may have intended, that respect and care weren't communicated to the audience. Like Yang, they didn't even bother to keep Penny's death within the rules of their world. Jaune is right there ready to heal her and Penny says no, there's supposedly not time.

Um... since when?

Jaune's aura boost is instantaneous. The second he amplifies aura is the same second the healing starts and their talk could have been spent saving Penny. There was certainly time to save Weiss in Volume 5. To have a character go, 'Nah, it's too late' when the solution is right there is the ultimate cop-out. Suddenly announcing that the solution will no longer work For Reasons is not a legitimate limitation and it's made doubly insulting that RT didn't simply use the limitations already available to them. Jaune has been running low on aura since the whale. He then expended a great deal of aura boosting Penny to keep the virus in check. Every other ally has had their aura broken in this fight so, there. That's your solution. Have Jaune take a few hard hits from Cinder, his aura breaks, and then when Penny is mortally wounded he no longer has a semblance to heal her. It's that easy! Yet instead they had Penny reject help so that she could ask to die. That's what's offensive here.

Finally, reason number five... why is this moment given to Jaune? That's another easy solution: Jaune has gone through the portal and can't get back to heal Penny. There. Done. But logistics aside, this scene should have gone to any other character. Who is Jaune to Penny? Or Penny to Jaune? No one! They don't have a relationship. I get that the writers didn't want any of the girls at her side because then it would be hard to justify Penny not passing the power to them (which I get: making one team member a Maiden changes the show drastically), but you know who should be there instead of Jaune?

Pietro.

Pietro, who built Penny as a weapon and who was never given the chance to apologize for that. Pietro, who told Ruby he could only rebuild her once more, setting up an expectation that he'd sacrifice himself for his daughter (despite the complicated racial issues that would bring up). Pietro, who watched Penny plummet and has no idea what happened to her, let alone that she's been made into a human girl. Pietro should have been at her side, saying goodbye to his child and helping her complete her last wish.

And it would be so very easy to pull off. All it takes is a single line where Penny remembers that her father exists, asking Ruby to ensure a portal opens up in Amity. There's a quick reunion along the pathways before Cinder attacks. We hear a cry of despair as Penny falls and she looks, seeing her father racing towards her, though she thought he'd already made it out. There, you’re done. We open ourselves up to a lot of attacks whenever we say, "Why didn't RWBY just do ____?" because those who vehemently defend the writing like to go, "Oh, you think you could write RWBY better?" and no, I don't. I struggle with long-form storytelling and massive casts. I don't think I could do justice to the sort of show RWBY wants to be, but I do think I'm a decent enough writer to spot when there are major problems like this. The question of "Why doesn't Penny remember that her beloved dad exists?" and "Why, out of that massive cast, is Jaune the one to do this deed?" are both things that a newbie writer can spot, and a sometimes okay writer can figure out how to fix them both simultaneously. A good writer will start thinking about themes — what might it mean for Pietro to kill the creation he made? — and a great writer will find a way to pull that off without having that insulting, discomforting feeling pop up. At this point, our RWBY crew feels less like new writers making mistakes (because they're not new, not at all), but rather just writers who haven't bothered to learn from their mistakes after eight years. That's a lot harder to watch.

Because putting Jaune here doesn't just mess with RWBY's internal rules (not using his semblance) and it's not just useless in terms of Penny's development (she doesn't know him outside of "dude who boosted my aura for an hour"), but it also falls back into a pattern I thought RWBY had finally broken from: making Jaune the story's emotional center. This is not the JAUNE show. It's the RWBY show. Yet here, once again, we have Jaune in the spotlight. Why, after a whole volume of Ruby avoiding making decisions, does Jaune finally make the hard call? Why, after a scene where Penny asked Ruby to kill her, does Jaune do that deed? Why, after a divisive arc where all the grief for Pyrrha went to Jaune, is Jaune now set to shoulder the grief of Penny? At least Jaune had a relationship with Pyrrha, even if Nora and Ren did too. Yet with Penny he seems to be there solely because the writers can't bear to keep him out of that center spot for long. All of Team JNOR make it through to Vacuo... except Jaune. Jaune falls into the abyss too because, if the show goes this route, we apparently can’t have a volume just about Team RWBY, the main characters. The main characters are separated from the rest of the team and it's Jaune, not Oscar and Ozpin with a connection to the lore, not Nora or Ren whose development now hinges on them learning who they are without the other, it's Jaune who follows the title characters into a new dimension. 

The issue is not whether Jaune deserves to grieve over the truly traumatic thing he just did now that he’s done it. He obviously does. The issue is the writers setting up a scenario where Jaune is situated to do that emotional work in the first place. 

I like Jaune as a character. I don't like how the writing uses him as a character. RWBY is built on the idea that these four girls are the heroes of this tale, not the expected blond, blue-eyed, sword wielding guy we’ve seen in so many other stories. So why does that guy get the most important scene of the finale? Yes, Jaune had much less screen time this volume than he did in the past, that’s a good thing given the number of important characters RWBY has to balance, but that hasn't erased the problem of him being given significant moments that should be going to title characters. Does Ruby’s team rescue Oscar and take on Salem? No, Jaune's team does. Does Ruby's team save Penny? No, Jaune's semblance keeps her grounded and then holds the virus off. Not everything is a problem — we've also got good choices like having Ruby defeat the Hound and Ruby's team take on Cinder for the majority of the fight — but that doesn't erase that Penny’s death wasn’t something Jaune should have been a part of. Not unless he was going to heal her. Doing better than they have in the past doesn't mean that RT isn't still slipping when it comes to giving him undeserved focus.

They took one of the most controversial characters, controversial because of how much emotional focus he's gotten in the past, and had him help a fan favorite commit suicide while he cried about it, showing more emotion for a near stranger than our title character showed for her sister. This is a character who, up until two or three episodes ago, had no connection to the victim and still has no reason to thematically be the one committing this act. That is why the fandom goes, “The crew loves Jaune and does everything they can to put him in the center of the action.” Ruby, as main character and Penny’s first friend, is the obvious choice here. Pietro, as Penny's father, would be a good choice too. Hell, Nora is a better option given their moment in the Schnee manor this volume. Or Winter given their moments in Volume 7! Have her escape Ironwood, find Penny, receive the powers, and then finish him off. Literally anyone would be better than Jaune, not because Jaune is a bad character, but because Jaune has no emotional stakes here and putting him in a position where he could heal Penny but doesn’t is massively stupid. No one should be surprised that a lot of the fandom is upset about this. It was one hell of a reach to give him this moment and, since Jaune's problem has always been getting too much screen time and emotional nuance compared to our main cast, it's no wonder this act brought up a lot of bad memories. RT fell back into an old pattern after two volumes of improvement and they did so at the worst possible time. 

The tl;dr is that Penny's third death is a writing travesty, just like her second. I shouldn't be surprised, given that this is the same volume that tortured a kid and the only thing they did with it was have him blindly trust his torturer... yet I find myself surprised nonetheless. Because Penny had such potential as an android Maiden and, as much as I personally hated it, potential as a former android learning to be human too. But why explore any of that when you can kill her off instead? Again.

As a final, far smaller note about this scene, we have the continuing problem of what purpose Cinder's arm is serving. If everyone recalls, its threat comes primarily from the fact that she can "siphon off" power from other Maidens.

She did it to Penny during the Amity battle and now she does it again, a great deal of green energy absorbed into Cinder. So what's left to give to Winter? Why doesn't Cinder become noticeably stronger with each successful theft? Like so much else in RWBY, we're told it exists without actually seeing the impact of that. Winter isn't a weaker Maiden for having lost power and Cinder isn't a stronger Maiden for having snagged it. It's just.. there, hanging out and looking vaguely menacing, I guess.

Outside of this unnatural not-transfer, we get to see how the power normally passes as Penny meets with Winter in some in-between place. It's a soft, heartfelt scene... with the exception that Winter says, “You were always the real Maiden at heart. I was just the machine. Just following orders."

I don't know how any viewer can doubt that RT now believes machinery = evil. Penny's machine body is magicked away so she can be a real-real girl. Yang announces that the arm she worked hard to make a part of herself is just "extra." The man with half a metal body is made this volume's villain and losing his second arm is, by the authors' own admission, a symbol of his lost humanity. Mercury with two metal legs remains a bad guy while Emerald and Hazel are hastily redeemed. Tyrian with his cybernetic tail is the most devoted crazy of the bunch. Maria, blind and in need of assistive lenses, is so forgotten by the story she was left in the tundra nine episode ago and won't be mentioned again until next volume (if then). Pietro, the guy in the wheelchair, is forgotten too, despite it being his daughter who dies on screen.

Now Winter, also bearing an assistive device, says that she's the real "machine" here and tells Penny, now human, that she was always the "real Maiden." I don't know what happened to make RT do a 180 lately, but the disability rep is no longer what it was.

Penny reassures Winter that she'll always be a part of her and then passes on, for good this time.

The rest of the episode feels lackluster, if I'm being honest. Images of Cinder beating Weiss are intercut with Ironwood beating Winter, getting her to a point where her aura breaks. 

But then the powers appear and, as we'd expect, she easily turns the tide. 

Gorgeous animation there. 

But RT once again rewrites earlier scenes by having Ironwood claim that the "destiny" he chose for Winter has finally arrived — isn't that Cinder's MO? — and Winter shoots back that he chose nothing, this was a "gift." Except, it was never about destiny or orders? This was why Weiss' anger in Volume 7 was ridiculous. She acted like Ironwood forced Winter to accept the powers and Winter told her point blank she chose this. Ironwood didn't decide anything, he offered and Winter chose... kind of like how Penny is choosing now. I hate how nearly all of Ironwood's character has been ignored or, during times like this, outright lied about to make him seem super duper evil. He tried to bomb a city! You don't need to make him seem evil anymore, that job is done! Like their sudden change regarding disability, RT now seems to be allergic to nuance. Heaven forbid Ironwood be allowed to have valid points like he did in Volume 3. No, if you've got an antagonist every single thing they've ever said must be twisted into a display of their evilness.

Unless you're Hazel, who Oscar trusts for #reasons. Unless you're Emerald, who the group immediately embraces. Unless you're Cinder, who gets to cry on a rooftop and secures the trust of her allies long enough to betray them again.

But Ironwood? Nah, screw that guy.

Salt aside, the fight is pretty boring. Winter literally just throws up a wall of ice and Ironwood's blast rebounds, taking him out.

Winter flies through the portal and we return to Jaune. His sword is broken by Cinder, so weapons should be quite the problem in Volume 9. 

There's a bit of sword vs. sword Maiden battling — this episode really pulled heavily from both Volume 3 and 5's finales — before Cinder gets smart again and attacks Weiss, currently trying to escape with Jaune. Weiss goes right off the edge and Winter isn't able to reach her in time. That's the entirety of Team RWBY, lost to the magical void.

Kudos to Winter's VA and the writing here though. This feels like an appropriate reaction to losing a sister. Screaming, sobbing, falling to her knees and beating the floor... Ruby, take notes.

A roar sounds through all the portals though, the sort of roar a pissed off witch might give. Jaune convinces Winter they need to leave Cinder behind, but before they can escape Cinder... makes a new wish?

Look, it works on all the major fronts. Cinder has the staff, check. We've basically established that Ambrosius can make an unlimited number of things per era, check. We know the previous thing disappears when a new wish is made, check. My only question is the timing. In all honesty, I'll have to re-watch the scene to be sure, but at the time it felt like the portals began disappearing almost the second Cinder left. Did she really have time to summon Ambrosius, deal with his explanatory nonsense, and get him to make a new wish without any fiddly concerns? Sure, fire is just fire, but it still felt like way too much happening too fast off screen.

Either way, the portals are gone and Winter makes it through in time, but Jaune does not. He falls through the void along with Team RWBY. And Neo.

Neo is the only addition I'm looking forward to here.

We get a few shots of our other characters as Winter arrives, saving the day by taking her grief out on the grimm. So glad something came of Ren breaking his aura again! Maybe they'll be more fighting at the beginning of Volume 9? If we see any of this group outside of 9's finale. My worst fear right now is that we'll spend an entire season away from the main action — remember how I said it would be stupid for Team RWBY to go on a side adventure while Salem is attacking the world? — and when they return there will have been some major time skip. Salem has destroyed most of Remnant, only pockets of survivors remain, it's all dark and dystopian... and oh look, every bit of character development happened off screen. How did Nora discover who she is without Ren? She did it while Team RWBY was gone. That merge we've been teasing for five years? That happened while you were gone too and, btw, Ozpin has ceased to exist. So sad, right? Not that anyone will actually mourn. Just take comfort in the fact that his last line was an "Oh no" about Ambrosius and his last major scene was apologizing for how the group treated him. Emerald's redemption? Off screen. Winter's grief? Off screen. Any and every one of these challenging beats to tackle can be waved away with, "We went through that arc while you were lost in the magical realm. Just get to know our new, improved selves now!"

Please, oh writing gods, don't let that happen.

Though I do worry because my last prediction came true.

But we all knew we’d end up here. My current theory? The portal should still be open at the vault. Winter will fight Ironwood, escape through it, and it will close right before he escapes too. He’ll fall with Atlas and everyone will act as if it’s some beautiful, poetic justice for him to perish with the city. 

Ironwood didn't make a break for the portal — too busy being unconscious — but we got everything else. Winter left him, he falls with Atlas, and this is some poetic justice, I guess. Really, it's just an undignified death. I'd hoped for a sympathetic kill, something that showed the characters still cared about him even if they knew Ironwood had to be stopped. Baring that, I'd hoped for an epic battle that took him out with style. Instead, no one even bothers to kill him. Ironwood is now beneath the entire cast, not even worth finishing off. Winter casually tosses his blast back at him and leaves. Cinder throws out a "that's checkmate" and leaves. I don't think Salem even looks at him. Ironwood (presumably) dies with no one and nothing, just a casualty of the city Team RWBY made fall. And I say "presumably" because the audience isn't even given the satisfaction of being sure he's passed on. Like Hazel, Ironwood's death is this weird, ambiguous moment that, based on the other character reactions, isn’t meant to be ambiguous. Is he dead? Most likely. Is it possible, based on what we've seen, that he'll pop up two volumes later like

Yes and, memes aside, that sucks. I don't want to be wondering for the next couple years if Ironwood survived and if they'll bring him back just to drag his character through the mud again. Move on.

But no, we don't even get that.

I've spoken at great deal about Ironwood both in these recaps and on my blog more generally. Last week, I said I'd covered it all and there was no need to rehash it all again. I stand by that, so let me just conclude this travesty with a final note: if your bad guy's final moment is using the last of his strength to point a gun at the actual villain of this story, and you don't realize the problem of how this image contrasts everything else the story has insisted about his character? … I just don't know what to do with that.

Oh, actually, final-final note: Ironwood’s semblance is officially a Schrodinger's semblance. It is both canonical and noncanonical simultaneously. Wooo. 

Cinder tells Salem she used her wish to "add more flames to the first of Atlas" and we cut to Watts, trapped in a roaring fire, unsuccessfully trying to break his way out. Wow, I hate that too! Next to Tyrian, Watts was our last remaining, entertaining villain. He carried a lot of the last two volumes and, I had hoped, was going to add some bright spots to the coming volumes as well. Apparently not.

Just another waste.

In addition to this casual, second murder of her ally, Cinder successfully convinces Salem that Neo killed Ruby and Ruby used the Lamp's last question, but she's back in her good graces since she snagged the Relics anyway. “You’ve done well, Cinder. Our work here is done" and they leave, blasting off like a less cool Team Rocket as Atlas plummets into Mantle.

Let's spend a second to tally things up then, shall we? What happens if Ruby, instead of throwing a moral fit, says, "You're right and we never should have lied to you, or betrayed you. But we want to help now. You get the Relics and the Maiden to safety in Atlas, if you can, we'll defend the people of Mantle"?

Well, they can still tell the world about Salem and call for help, much more easily now since Ironwood would likely just give them the code rather than them needing to spend an episode stealing it.

The Staff at least may not have ended up in Salem's hands and the group could have actually focused on getting the Lamp back (also solved if they'd been smart and just put it in the vault to begin with).

Mantle would still have been safe because Salem was never interested in Mantle to begin with.

Atlas wouldn't have fallen.

Ironwood wouldn't have died.

Penny wouldn't have died.

Even Vine wouldn't have died!

Our heroes unambiguously made the situation worse. Rather than banding together with their allies to fight the real enemy, Salem, they pushed until they made enemies of Ironwood and the Ace Ops both. Then they asked for help — which a pinch of logic said would never arrive — and twiddled their thumbs waiting for it. When it was clear none would come they...did nothing. They sat around, upset that the people were in danger, but not willing to do anything about it. It's only when one of their own, Penny, is threatened that they kick into high gear, hitting on a solution that they could have posed to Ironwood from the very start if no one liked the fly away plan. Yet instead of taking a few minutes to brainstorm other ideas — doing anything other than denouncing Ironwood to the rest of the group and attacking the Ace Ops — they spent two days sitting around, fixing minor messes they’d helped to create, then rushed through the portal plan, messing up the wish and stranding an entire kingdom in a sandstorm, with only Winter now to protect them from grimm.

Fantastically done, team. 

The villains won, yes, but not because the villains were smart and compelling. Watts' hack on Penny and the heat petered out to nothing and Salem... well, she sat around for the whole volume, expending energy only to torture Oscar and try to (unsuccessfully) stop some escapees. Neo and, miraculously, Cinder did the most damage, but only in the final hour, with this "damage" being that our characters fall into a void that we now know looks remarkably like a paradise! Everything bad that happened was a result of our heroes being stupid and stubborn. That's a compelling story to tell... but RT isn't trying to tell it. Our heroes caused so much damage, yet that damage goes unacknowledged — or worse, ignored into silence like with Ren — and everything else is waved away with the magic wand the series claims isn't there. The cold doesn't kill anyone. Oscar has no problems walking off the torture. Nora hops back out of bed. Ruby one-shots the Hound. The civilians lost to the void must have survived too. The entire kingdom successfully makes it to Vacuo... unless you count the massive army we never saw making use of the portals, but who cares about them, right?

The villains won, there was indeed something resembling consequences, but none of it was emotionally satisfying. Not even when the series tries so hard to insist that emotion is there.

Qrow watches Atlas fall, mouthing Ruby and Yang's names, but it's too little, too late. Where was this care for his nieces when he was obsessed with killing Ironwood? When did they care about him? Was it when Ruby shrugged at his arrest, when neither cared that he was missing, or when they were designing an escape plan that didn't include putting a portal where Qrow could reach? RWBY markets itself around the found family-ness of its cast, but they're done a poor job in recent volumes (not others) of convincing me that most of these characters care for one another. We went from Ruby denouncing all adults, to Ruby pulling an Ozpin with Ironwood, to Ruby watching blandly as her sister falls to her presumed death. This is my hero? This is the simple soul we're supposed to rally behind? Ruby doesn't feel like a character who cares about other people anymore and, given that she leads the charge, neither do most of her friends. Or, when that emotion appears, it's jarring and undeserved. Jaune cries over Penny's death? That's tonally and characteristically backwards.

This volume was the culmination of so many mistakes over the past two years. No, Covid couldn't have made things any easier for the crew — the fact that they got a volume out at all is amazing — but the pandemic isn't to blame for the problems in the story. These seeds have existed since Volume 5, with some (like Jaune) going back even farther. I don't think we're ever going to get that flawed, but emotionally fulfilling RWBY back. The show has dug too deep and unless it somehow manages to create a clean slate — those time travel ideas get more and more alluring! — there's nothing they can do but keep on digging. At this point, I can only hope that the series does wrap up within the next two volumes, rather than dragging RWBY to a Supernatural-esque length.

Our final shot of the episode proper feels fitting for what this volume has been. Atlas and Mantle flood rather than exploding, something that makes a certain amount of sense, sure, but definitely wasn't what I was expecting. And after all these shocking images — Penny dying, the grimm attacking, our main characters disappearing in a puff of gold dust — we end it all with bits of random debris. It's strange and underwhelming. Out of everything you could have done with the options you had, you choose to do this?

Of course, RWBY always has an after-credits scene (RIP Raven's, still amounting to nothing). Here, the sounds of water return to show us a beach. Crescent Rose imbedded in the sand, mirroring its classic pose in the snow.  

There's a tree. It's a very different kind of tree from what we saw in Volume 6, but the height and shape is nevertheless reminiscent of Light's domain.

A tree of life, anyone? After all, the group has fallen into a dimension created by a Relic, the gift of Light himself. It certainly seems as if RWBY is heading towards another encounter with the Gods, though what that will look like and how narratively satisfying it will be remains to be seen.

As for our bingo board, RWBY certainly pulled its weight! Only three squares got gold stars: Watts and Jacques didn't manage another team up because both are dead, Oscar didn't apologize for getting shot because he was too busy being tortured, and Qrow didn't drink likely because he didn't have access to any alcohol across the whole volume. Can't say that's a stellar result. The final image is something to behold though lol.

What a mess.

And on that less than exciting note... we’re done. This has been the volume of desertion, with a large number of fans telling me that they will no longer watch RWBY, but baring something entirely unexpected in my future, I'll be back next volume, for whatever that's worth. It never ceases to amaze me that even one person would give these nonsense recaps the time of day, so in all seriousness: thank you for reading. You rock.

Now go forth and fill the hiatus with great RWBY content!

✌️

[mallowstep]

What are your opinions on forbidden relationships in Warriors? I've seen people label it as a "trope" because of how common this is. Some find the forbidden romance aspect intriguing, though others find it extremely repetitive and old

I'd like to know your thoughts!

hm. well, it is a trope. i mean, there's an average of one major one a series, right? greysilver, leafcrow (and others, but that's the big one), heatherlion (and implied others), tigerdove, idk i don't remember anything from avos but violetshine luv her but there's probably something, bristleroot. dotc doesn't count bc well it's dotc.

anyway.

definitely a trope.

but that's not a bad thing.

what i think people don't give warriors enough credit for is that these are not all the same forbidden romance. most of them are handled in different ways and bring up different conflicts. i understand why people are tired of them, but let's not discredit one of the only good things in warriors romance: that they make forbidden relationships different.

like, with grey and silver, it's about loyalty and responsibility. leafcrow is just bad idea central, both heatherlion and tigerdove are about responsibilities and young cats, and they have two different answers, and bristleroot is challenging the whole idea from the start.

so like. give credit where credit is due: we're not doing the same (forbidden) relationships again and again. i don't see enough people talk about that.

okay so it turns out i have um. a lot of thoughts about this. idk i just kept writing and now it's over 2k words. so you know. under the cut: matthew does half-baked media analysis to talk about why the code and cats' relationships to it are misunderstood. while actually staying on topic.

anyway from here on i'm just going to say relationship/romance, and understand that i'm generally talking about the forbidden kind. also i'm talking exclusively within the realm of warriors romance, which is, on average, bad. so when i say "X is good," i don't mean "X is good in general," i mean "given what we have, X is good." just to be clear.

right! basically, this is a tool. it creates tension and drama, and that's fine. warriors is a soap opera, remember. soap operas use secrets and relationships and all sorts of plot devices over and over again. warriors is not Serious. it can be dark. it has serious moments. but it is not a Serious Book Series for Serious Kids. it is a soap opera for Future Theatre Kids. yeah?

from that perspective, i'm a-ok with forbidden romance. (also, as a mini-aside, it creates some much-needed genetic diversity when kits are involved.) and again: all of the major relationships are different, so i think that's better than a lot of people give it credit for.

yeah, heatherlion and greysilver and tigerdove are all about the same general idea (loyalty and responsibility), but they all have different circumstances and different resolutions.

so like? yeah. sure. why not?

plus, like, who's reading warriors for the romance? i separate the concept of "romance" from a "relationship" here: i like the relationships in warriors (ivy and dove tension my beloved), but i'm not here to read about tigerheart wooing dovewing. (yes, i do love the tigerdove scenes in oots. no, that's not because i think they're very good at being romantic.)

but i digress.

if warriors was a Serious Book Series for Serious Kids, i'd have a different take here. having been in an IRL forbidden relationship, i have the Personal Insight and Experience to say they're this weird mash of "very much how it feels" and "not at all how it feels."

tigerdove is probably my favourite bc it's the closest to my circumstances, and i think dovewing is a good pov. i like how she breaks up with him because it's a bad idea, but that's not the same thing as not feeling for him.

(heh. twelve-year-old me reading oots like "this will never apply to my life" what did you know)

but to the point, if warriors was serious, i'd point out that the consequences always seem to be internal. we haven't seen characters be punished for their actions. and so on.

but warriors is a soap opera.

and here's my actual thesis: we haven't seen characters be punished for their actions, because "forbidden relationships" are a normal and expected part of clan society.

like no, fandom-at-large, you're kind of missing the point. okay, you know how like. people complain about. idk. ivypool and fernsong being distantly related?

(third aside/very long ivyfern rant, i put a nice big "rant over" after it if you want to skip past it: they're third cousins. they share, max, 2.2% of their genetics. they are fine. do you know your third cousins? do you? yeah. and like. they live in a closed society. there is no one new.

i've never seen someone complain about forbidden romance and ivyfern at the same time, and i do generally agree we should have more mystery fathers, altho for a different reason, but like. idk. this bothers me.

their last shared relative was nutmeg. that's so far back. god. i get it, there was a prophecy saying they're related, but if you remember my rant about how dovewing shouldn't be a part of the prophecy because of how distantly related to firestar is, you know how i feel about that already.

complaining they're related and that's a problem is. deep breath here. it requires demonstrating that warriors has kept track of kinship all the way back to firestar's mother. and even if you wave that requirement, you still have to convince me they would care about that. this isn't a "they're cats, harold" situation, this is a "you would not know your third cousin even if you lived in the same town" situation.

i mean maybe you would. some people do. but my hometown has generations of people who married within its borders. you get as far as "cousin," maybe "second cousin" if you're feeling fancy. i'm not trying to make an always true statement, i just. every time i see someone complain about ivyfern being related, it strikes me as not understanding how extended families work?

i know third cousins isn't technically classified as a distant relative, but you have, on average, 190 third cousins. i feel so strongly about this i looked it up.

like i'm not. okay if you say, "I don't ship ivyfern because they are third cousins and that makes me uncomfortable" you are Valid. in general, you are all valid. i do not think you have to, on a personal level, be okay with ivyfern. you are free to do as you wish.

but. if you want to argue "ivyfern is a Bad Ship because they are third cousins" you have a hell of a burden of proof. simply saying "they share a great-great-grandmother" does not meet that, because like. yeah. we're all pretty damn related.)

(ivyfern rant over)

IVYFERN RANT OVER

right so. anyway. if you remove forbidden romance? you're forcing a lot more of those situations.

i've been messing around with modelling some small-scale fan clan-adjacent stuff to double-check the ratios for wbcd, and it's. it quickly becomes a necessity, is what i'm saying.

but i got distracted like. researching how related third cousins are. my point is not about that, that's like. a different topic. that i crammed into here because i have no self-control.

no, no, what i was trying to get to is: oakheart straight up tells us that cats have half-clan kits all the time, it's not a problem, no one talks about it. and that? that is exactly what we see modelled by warriors.

the only reason greystripe and silverstream have a problem is that silverstream dies and greystripe claims the kits. i feel very strongly that if she had lived, the kits would have been born and raised riverclan kits, that might, maybe, one day, guess who their father is.

we haven't had any half clan kits in a while, which yes! i think is a problem, but like. the fact that the three are medicine cat kits seems to be a bigger issue. which feels right.

and i'm not trying to argue what i think should be, i legitimately believe the text of warriors defends this, even in newer books which throw out a lot of the older world building in favour of more human-like conflict.

as readers, we are naturally following protagonists. we are following the interesting story. but imagine you're just a background riverclan cat. minnowtail, if you will. do you think, do you honestly think, anyone cares about minnowtail?

not in a bad way, just. if she's meeting up with mousewhisker at night, do you think anyone cares? of course not! no one cares. she's not a Protagonist. her kits aren't going to be prophesized about.

heck, finleap switches clans! and it's barely a big deal. it feels like one, but when's the last time anyone bothered dealing with it? that's what i thought.

(also i forgot like all of avos so that very last point might be a bad one if it is my argument stands i just literally do not remember anything in avos but violetshine. none. zero.)

but it's easy to get caught up with characters like hollyleaf and bristlefrost and forget that like. not everyone cares about the code. most of our protagonists do, because it's become mostly equivalent with being moral. and i have an essay draft titled "the code as religion vs the code as law" where i want to expand on this more, but i think like. that idea, that we as readers should use the code as a way of evaluating cats' behaviour, is flawed.

like, i'm not talking about being inconsistent with how that is applied. if you want to say, "the trial leafpool goes through for having half-clan kits is legitimate because of the code," i still think your approach is flawed.

because the cats themselves don't seem to think that way.

the code doesn't, to me, feel like the ten commandments. it does not feel like "you must do this to be a good cat."

rather, it feels like aesop's parables. "here are mistakes cats made and what we do instead of that."

i don't think the cats know the code the way we do. i do not think they memorize a list of rules as kits. i think they know what is and is not part of it, but i imagine they know the stories far more than the rules.

(i'm working on my lore stories to replace code of the clans.)

and even if that's my thoughts, i do think this is supported by the text. no one ever teaches the warrior code, cats just learn it in pieces. "don't waste food because we don't have enough to spare" is taught, not "there's a rule about food and starclan on the code."

that's why the whole arc of the broken code even works: the reason the imposter is able to manipulate things is because cats don't treat the code as a rigid set of rules and commandments, but guiding principles.

the parts of the code that we tend to focus on the most are relationships, apprentices, and battle. or that's my perception. i didn't do a poll to obtain that. there's also the leader's word, but readers don't usually think of that as a good rule, so i'm not including it.

but the parts the cats focus on most are food, territory, and the leader's word. which makes sense: those are basic needs: food, security, and...i don't want to say authority so much as some kind of social system. explaining it would be a whole thing. just trust with me, if you don't mind.

i don't think we have any real reason to believe cats care about half-clan relationships half as much as we do. yes, apprentices are chastized about it, but that's not really the same thing as being punished.

and it's hard to tell, because apprentices being punished has really fallen off, and that's kind of the problem with any argument i try to make about warriors, but.

wow.

i'm actually still on topic? i'm 2k words in and i'm still on topic? a day i never thought would come.

let's wrap this up. cats seem to care about half clan relationships in that: a) they lead to conflicted loyalties, b) they mess with borders and prey, and c) they are in the code as bad. in that order.

and again, if the code was some high and holy religious doctrine, we couldn't have the broken code as an arc. it does not work if the cats are already following it to a t, and know it word for word, because it's signfiicantly harder to manipulate people if they do.

not to the level the imposter does, at the speed he does.

and yes, you could argue that it's more bad writing, but. i think that discredits warriors. yeah, it sure has its fair share of bad writing, but i don't think that's in the way the imposter works. instead, he seizes on a big important doctrine that's nebulous, and uses that to control people.

and that? that feels much more interesting.

so with that in mind, i don't think the cats would care about your typical, non-protagonist forbidden relationship, and i don't think we should, either.

as far as a plot device, i think we're okay with what we have. don't get me wrong, i understand why people are tired of it, but i think we also should remember that warriors is not repeating itself. having multiple forbidden relationships is not repetitive. now, if medicine cats were having half-clan kits every series, i'd make a different argument.

but all of the major forbidden relationships have different outcomes, lessons, and circumstances, and for me, i think that's signficantly interesting.

i didn't really check sources and quotes for this, so like, if you spotted something wrong, feel free to correct me. my overall point stands, but there's a lot of warriors and i have a bad memory, so i could have missed somthing major.

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 130 Thoughts

My opening joke is going to be a brief description of Historia’s circumstances, because it requires no creative energy on my part to make it a joke.

To review!

107 introduces the concept of Historia being a breeding factory. This is suggested as part of Zeke’s 50-year plan to establish Paradis without it being genocided to death. At the end of 107, present-day Historia is shown to be pregnant.

At the very beginning of 108, the Military Police openly discuss how this is kind of weird. And while the mood is largely in favor of Historia having children so the Founding Titan stays in Paradis control, she’s having a child at a very inconvenient time for everyone, because she’s supposed to eat Zeke before he can cause trouble.

In 114, it is revealed that Zeke’s actual plan is to sterilize all Eldians so they die off and stop being a problem. By virtue of five seconds of pondering, this falls apart when you consider that Zeke’s plan is the beginning of Historia being prepped to breed children. Having any royal children would actively interfere with Zeke’s ability to guarantee that his choices for the Founding Titan would be the last.

In 130, Historia is shown to still be going along with the 50-year concept, and no one is stopping her except Eren, who is against Zeke’s sterilization plan (which a child would stop), and who says that Historia making this kind of choice is what’s driving him to genocide.

To which Historia suggests a baby.

-draws a line back to 107-

-underlines Eren’s angry feelings about all of this-

This would make sense if it were live action and the actress were pregnant.

Not within the story or anything.

But an explanation would at least exist.

I should take up drinking. Or cocaine. Or something.

There’s virtually zero content this chapter. Half of it is just Eren going on rampage. This is how you know it’s the end of a volume for a story that’s ending. The subtle ways the story beats come firing at a machine gun’s pace before slowing to a deliberately controlled crawl.

Surprise, Liberio’s no longer a factor!

-surprised Pikachu faces-

-everyone officially burnt out on violence-

-except Eren-

-this is a problem because Eren is indeed causing the most violence, and violence would probably be a great help in stopping him, so having someone on that boat thinking they should just fucking stab him would be just a little encouraging that’s all I’m saying-

Then we dash straight into a slightly more visible flashback to Eren’s memories of the future being unlocked, and get to the development of his genocide plan.

It isn’t much of a plan.

It mostly still involves genocide.

But worse.

He’s basically going to do what Karl did, only when he tells people on Paradis that all the humans beyond their borders are dead, he won’t be lying. He is keeping the genocide and the mind-wiping, though. In this spirit of how well that worked out previously.

This is a choice.

A bad one.

Even by Eren’s current standards.

This is especially impressive given that he has none.

Alrighty then. Uh.

Here we have Eren’s mission statement. That’s nice?

“The only way to put a final end to the cycle of revenge born from hate... is to remove that history of hate from this world and bury it in the ground, civilization and all.”

Legitimately, Eren’s entire plan amounts to, “The First King was right about everything except not actually making us the last humans alive on the planet.”

See, Zeke’s plan of killing all Eldians off is evil and bad, and Eren is disgusted at the very idea of going along with it.

Eren’s plan of killing everyone else off, regardless of who they are, is a good one.

As is manipulating all of his friends into following it, telling them he hates them, fairly directly letting one of them know this is basically all her fault, and.

.

Look, I’m sorry, but what the fuck?

I mean.

Fuck, do I have to go full Madoka on main?

Here is a brief summary of the third Madoka Magica movie, for those who do not understand the reference: Person who has spent her entire life torturing herself to save one girl feels like she didn’t save the one girl hard enough, and compensates for this mental breakdown by turning into the literal Devil.

These are decisions that can be explained by trauma. The character in question has been through a lot, and arguing that she’s too emotionally stable to undo the universe is harder to do than it feels like it should be.

She still takes the established order of the series and 90% of the movie and drops it in the shredder, leaving the characters who are around and aware of this move to stare, aghast, as the new world order is established.

To catch up the uninitiated, when the new world order is established in the series, it’s a happy ending that ties up all the struggles everyone has been through. Not necessarily neatly, but they’re honored, and the cast continues on.

The new world order of the movie is one character screaming “NO” in various cries for help as she pounds her heart into the pavement and the pavement is everyone else’s quality of life.

..

Anyway, the current reason everyone on the planet hates Paradis enough to attack it is because Eren publicly murdered civilians at a festival with international significance, including the one Eldian in the world with good publicity.

Things weren’t pretty for anyone, but Eren snatches the ball out of the court and throws it into the backyard with vicious guard dogs. He decides to bring everyone into a war, and he decides the initial terms. He makes a violent declaration, and ever since, the story has been devoted to people catching up to him to ask what the fuck his problem is.

As opposed to the usual routine of catching up to him to steal him back from whoever’s kidnapping him that week.

Eren’s the direct cause of this mess.

Fucking Marley doesn’t help, what with their hundred years of brainwashing and titanizing to actively keep the hate of Paradis alive -- but Eren’s the one who turns it into an issue of national immediacy when everyone around him is trying to find more time.

All the while going, “look what you made me do”

Right.

Where it breaks down for me isn’t that it makes no sense for Eren to have fallen this far. This entire series has been destroying him one piece at a time, and I do feel like you could have a very powerful conclusion with Humanity’s Hope turning to Humanity’s Despair, and the people he once inspired having to bear the torch themselves instead of forcing one person to carry their entire future.

Hell, that could still happen. I would still love an ending where Mikasa wraps the scarf around Eren, and he’s finally saved from himself.

What’s aggravating is that as many ominous hints as we’ve gotten about Eren’s monstrous nature throughout the series, there’s just as much material of him loving his friends, and wanting them to be free and happy, and understanding that walls aren’t the only prison.

Angry Eren the Rage Boy is there. He’s even easy to understand, sometimes. OG Ymir’s history inspires a desire for death and destruction. It would be and is wrong, but the impulse isn’t difficult to parse.

He’s more than that. He stays up all night listening to Hange’s theories. Armin’s dreams of the sea catches his mind like wildfire. Fighting Annie even after she’s revealed to be someone who’s ruthlessly murdered his comrades is painful. He wants to believe Reiner and Bertolt are innocent even when they’re making the worst show of hiding it. He smiles every time he sees his friends genuinely happy.

Eren’s rage has always been a direct response to his views of the world. The slavers are monsters. He has no problem killing them. Titans are monsters. He wants them dead. He runs off in Trost and gets his leg chomped off because he’s so upset that a bit character we barely spend time with is being eaten.

“When we’re born... all of us... are free. People who reject that, no matter how strong they are... don’t matter.”

Since leaving his friends in Marley, Eren has rejected the freedom of every single one of them. He doesn’t tell them what he’s up to, but expects them to have his back. He pushes events into motion that nearly lead to all their deaths. He actively lies to Mikasa about how her brain functions. He tells Historia to get on board or have her memory wiped.

The rage and agony and helplessness Eren feels isn’t particularly strange, in my mind. He hasn’t coped with any of the manga’s arcs well, and the few victories he’s been part of have landed him in worse and worse places, emotionally.

The conclusions he’s reaching don’t work.

It isn’t that strange for people to not realize that they’re contradicting themselves, especially when they’re in this frame of mind, but Eren loves his damn friends.

Meanwhile, he’d find it easier to take if Mikasa were attached to him because her bloodline made her do it, but that’s.

Actually, no, that’s relevant.

Eren suggests plot magic chemistry before he considers that Mikasa actually loves him.

He’s a dying man.

He’s condemned himself already. It doesn’t matter what he does, as long as his friends are alive. Anything else -- everything else is secondary. They’ll be alive, and he’ll be dead, and it’s as simple as that.

But it isn’t like he doesn’t know right from wrong. This might be a wrong he can accept on his deathbed, but it’s undeniably wrong.

How horrific is it that people might be so attached to him that he can do all this, and they’ll still fight for him instead of putting him down like the monster he is?

Eren struggles with greys. If he’s willing to be the bad guy, it makes sense for him to commit. He’s rejecting freedom, so by his own rules, he doesn’t matter.

It would be so much easier for him if everyone else agreed on that point.

He seems to be doing what he can to make that happen.

...But that’s just whimsical speculation born of profound pity more than anything. I still have trouble figuring out what his deal is. He’s eviscerating his friends in the name of them surviving, but he still terms his want as them having “long, happy lives.” While actively interfering with both those aims.

This chapter doesn’t seem to leave much room for a secret other plan that Eren is secretly putting into action. That’s been my hope from the beginning, and pretty much every bit of my confusion here is why. The majority of the conflict here comes from Eren deliberately fucking things up. It’s like he accidentally poisoned a bunch of people by using the wrong chemicals to clean up the dead body of the person he killed who totally deserved it, and figured the best following response was to repeat the process.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that the Eren we’re starting to see looks broken beyond all repair, and we’re missing the breaking point. We can puzzle out possibilities and trauma, but at the end of the day he has chosen such a destructive route that it needs more justification within the story.

Personally, I think that this Eren is buying into his own bad press so completely that he’s stopped giving himself freedom. That is my most established take.

The fact that that read play in nicely with Mikasa wrapping the scarf around him and taking him home has very little to do with that except that’s where my brain spends most of its time now, I guess.

.

.

AND NOW WE’RE BACK TO HISTORIA BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I EVER GET TO HAVE A SINGLE MOMENT OF PEACE.

Hell.

I am tired of going over all the ways in which this does not make sense. I am, perhaps, equally tired of how every single time the pregnancy subplot comes up, it manages to get worse.

‘what oh noooo she’s being used to breed an army of royal babies who will eat their mother’ ‘wait nooo she manipulated a guilty childhood bully into fucking her so zeke could live for some strange reason’ ‘oh nooooooooes it turns out she actually goes and fucks npc farmer guy because zeke needs to live for eren to commit genocide and if she doesn’t let eren commit genocide that’s bad for some reason even if she was just saying it’s actually bad for him to commit genocide’

I.

????

Additionally, I realize this chapter has probably reinvigorated people’s theories that Eren is the father, which. um. continues the trend of being worse, because then you have Historia feeling like she’s backed into a corner where fucking the guy who’s about to commit genocide is her only option because if she can’t come up with some good excuse to not eat Zeke he’s going to wipe her memories.

(ETA: Hours later, I sit here remembering he can’t actually wipe her memories until after Zeke shows up. Oops. ...That somehow manages to make all of this make less sense.)

I deeply do not want to discuss that element.

I’m just bringing it up to establish that every way you spin Historia’s situation is fifty shades of rape, and it’s skeevy as fuck along with making no sense.

Glad to know that in two years, literally nothing has come along to make this better or more logical.

That’s vaguely true because it lends more credence to the idea that it’s all a lie, but at this point, the writing is breaking its own back bending over to try and make this work.

“If there is a most reliable way to make sure that this island lives on... I’ll go along with it. There was no other way... But... you defended me back then... everyone acted for my sake... That’s enough for me.”

I’m going to try to explain my problem with this without screaming.

I’m probably going to fail.

The thing is, Historia’s entire arc is about fighting fate.

Her entire arc is about undoing the cycle of abuse her family has perpetuated, breaking free of it to reclaim her identity as a person and forge a better future for the world.

She almost kills Eren for her father’s approval.

When she doesn’t, her commentary isn’t that it’s wrong, or ineffective (though she’s aware of both these elements).

She makes her case very succinctly.

“God?! What a load of bull!! You’re just saying whatever you can think of to manipulate me and save yourself!! That’s it, I’ve had enough! I won’t let you kill me!!”

Replace “save yourself” with something related to Eren, and we have the exact same plot beat we already had, for a character who’s already gone through it.

Historia’s lack of agency would be bad enough on its own.

The entire focus of the pregnancy subplot has been that it causes Eren angst.

We have not gotten Historia’s thought bubbles.

We have received her verbal compliance.

We have had her misery over her situation on display.

This is something for Eren to feel guilty and angry over, not something for Historia to interact with.

On its own, that’s bad.

When you have it attached to a character whose entire arc is about breaking damaging cycles and living a life designed by her own choices instead of following orders and roles, you have a problem.

Historia never tries to resist this fate. Not that we’re shown. She’s clearly terrified, even in the scene where she staidly offers acceptance, but Eren is the one to speak up. She’s miserable whenever we see her pregnant, but every scene with her involves her sadly going along with this thing she clearly does not want. Even when she asks Eren what he thinks about her having a child, she’s unhappy.

This is the first time she’s gotten dialogue of her own in two years.

The first little bit is her shrugging at her inevitable suffering.

The second bit is being appalled at Eren’s everything.

Then somehow we land at her proposing her inevitable suffering.

Which...

How does that help??? Anything???

My answer to that is that I’m Team Fake Pregnancy, and Historia is proposing a hypothetical thing where she ponders how her having a child would play out, but I’m sorry, what?

Eren’s upset about you losing your bodily autonomy.

Among other things, yes, but having a child you’re not enthusiastic about is the entire fucking ignition point of this fucking fuckening idiocy how is it that NEITHER OF YOU ARE IN POSSESSION OF YOUR SOLITARY BRAIN CELL WHAT IN THE  F U C K.

Even if you read it as Historia not having a child with the intent of future cannibalism, but simply having a child to get out of eating Zeke --

Holy fuck is that not better.

It’s still her feeling forced to have a kid because the alternative is lots of people dying.

She’s nineteen.

At the very fucking least this could have the decency to be her story, not a story built around making the main male lead angst enough to commit genocide. At the time of this writing, we are denied that, and while I don’t think this is totally beyond saving, the story the narrative is selling is inexcusable and insulting. The only room for improvement is if we’re actively being misled.

Which is a valid theory, but that doesn’t change my disgust at what we’re being told to believe.

Having Historia simply accept her fate is a sledgehammer to Historia’s entire character development, and Historia’s character development is a microcosm of the guiding themes of the main story. You can’t dethrone her without the manga’s entire thematic significance ringing false.

Also, while I’m here, Eren’s being a fucking prick.

In case that was somehow missed.

'hi historia friendly reminder that i’m only here to commit genocide because you saved my life because like you said you’re the worst’ ‘lol remember that time you said the titans should just kill everyone and i teased you and you said you were caught up in the heat of the moment well guess what i listened to you and everyone’s gonna die thx for the protips’

Anyway.

This is either really good or really bad.

Because Historia does some very stupid things. That is not a writing flaw, it’s a character flaw and feature. She’s impulsive and dumb and realizes things conflict with her principles nine steps into committing criminally negligent homicide, and if that’s how this is all justified...

Hell, I guess I’ll just be tired. Which I already am, so that’s. fine.

It’s funny. This is one of the times I could have gotten away with writing barely anything, since half the chapter is just trailer shots for Eren’s monster movie. Yet here we are, many words in.

I’ve thought a lot today on if I should keep reading or not. One of the things that got under my skin is that I’ve spent a long time coming up with ways for this all to turn out okay. I complain a lot, and certainly lose my temper, but I like to think I stick around because however bad this gets, I have faith that the story’s thesis is that beauty wins against cruelty.

If that’s the case, I want to be here to see it through. I want that high of things being okay when all signs point to nothing ever being okay again.

But it’s been a long day, and I’ve spent two years split between anger and hope that I’m not sure if I feel because I trust the story or if it’s become a habit I’m afraid to break.

Or if it’s because if I did give up, I’d feel insanely guilty for any of the times I’ve tried cheering people up over the bleak things going on in the manga.

I want this to be a happier story than anyone I know thinks it will turn out. I’m an optimist to a degree that people tolerate, but don’t find particularly realistic when gauged against the content.

The main character is on a genocidal march in the name of friends he has broken and betrayed. Friends who can still barely vocalize the option of putting him down.

I don’t know if I want to be here for this.

I don’t think I need to watch more cruelty unfold, no matter how much beauty survives it.

[lov3nerdstuff]

Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 3.2}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student (however no underage romance), blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 5.3k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

______________________________

The thing about making promises as someone who's inherently loyal is, unfortunately, that you leave yourself no choice but to keep them.

Seeing as Robin had assured Professor Snape that she wouldn't study in the hallways anymore, she found herself highly uncomfortable in the common room once again on Monday night. Her divination homework was spread out in front of her on the table, while simultaneously some other students used the same piece of furniture to store their disgustingly sticky sweets and some kind of soda. Of course it had to go wrong. How else would she be reminded of why she dreaded this place in the evenings. The disaster unfolded, the soda was knocked over and emptied its entire contents all over the table, and all over Robin's homework essay. At least she had been graced with fast reflexes, which allowed her to save her textbook and quill at least and jump out of the way before the inevitable wave of sparkling pink fluid with a swirling dash of black ink swept over the edge of the table. Her essay, however, was lost in the floods.

A small apology was all she got in return, along with a few confused whispers once Robin tried to undo the damage by using the spell she'd learned from Snape's book during the last winter break. It indeed turned the water into a fine mist at first, then dissolved it completely, but unfortunately it also dissolved the ink on Robin's parchment, and instead left behind all the sticky sweetness that hadn't dissolved with the water. Right… this just worked with natural substances.

"How did you do that?!" An astonished first year asked Robin with wide eyes directed at where the water had been sloshing around mere seconds ago. "Will I be learning that too?"

"Unlikely." Robin mumbled in annoyance, not at the kid, but the overall situation. Now that the three pages of her essay were basically blank parchment again, and she currently held everything else she'd brought neatly in her hands, she saw no reason in cleaning the rest of the mess up herself. With the intention to at least not make enemies in the grades below her as well, she turned to the kid once more. "Just be nice to your professors and they might show you something handy like that." Then, without another word, she made her way out of the common room and into her dorm. If she'd have to rewrite the entire goddamn essay tomorrow after classes in addition to her usual work, she seriously needed to get some sleep.

Tuesday turned out to be just the way Monday had ended. Robin overslept (which literally never happened), upon which she had to skip breakfast to make it to class, and then ran from one subject to the next for the entire day, only to spend all remaining time until the evening by trying to get as much minor homework done as she possibly could. By the time she walked into the great hall for dinner, she felt so on edge that her stomach protested even at the prospect of eating a single pea. But she'd already missed breakfast and then skipped lunch to finish up a chapter in her book before afternoon classes… She at least had to try to eat something, or she might just collapse like her carefully constructed composure had done hours ago.

"Hey jay, what's all that talk about that you used some bloody weird spell last night?" A boy in her grade, who was sitting a few spaces over at the Slytherin table, asked immediately once Robin took a seat in one of the only empty spots. Being fashionably late, even if by fortune rather than favor, came at the price of having no say about bench neighbors. "Did you make up something new to impress the teachers?" A few people chuckled at the boy's comment and turned to Robin expectantly for an answer.

"Shut up David." She snapped at him with a glare, while her stomach reminded her that it strictly refused to take any more stress tonight. Really, Robin already felt very much like just imploding and ceasing to exist at a moment's notice today. And out of all the times her classmates could have chosen to pick on her this week, of course it had to be today, the one day she really couldn't be bothered with any more annoyances.

Within the next fifteen minutes Robin got exactly one piece of bread down, before she simply gave up on dinner and its inherent company altogether. As subtly as she could, she rose to her feet and made for a quick exit to head back to her dorm way before dinner ended. That at least gave her a good twenty minutes all to herself, before at last the other girls returned to the shared bedroom and thus inevitably made it impossible for Robin to do her work in the same space. With a sigh that bordered between resignation and desperation, she stuffed her trusty leather backpack with all things needed for today's assignments, as well as a bar of Twirls for the unlikely case that her appetite should return at any point in the next couple hours.

Then she made her way back into the common room with the utmost determination to make it work tonight. And at first it seriously looked like it actually could. It was rather empty in comparison to other nights, more or less quiet as well, almost possible to focus… Then however dinner time was officially over, and people entered the room like a flash flood. Or rather… a flesh flood.

The book in Robin's lap shook with the nervous jittering of her right leg, and her mind went in and out of focus as her eyes lifted on their own account to scan each new person entering the room. She tried directly facing the wall to make herself stop after half an hour of her eyes skipping from the page to the door. That however led Robin to a rawly-anxious state of mind where every loud or sudden noise made her jump, and her fingers dig into the spine of her book until her knuckles turned white. The tension that coiled her muscles into knots every time she startled never quite left her body, and after a while she started to shift in her seat in restless discomfort. The frown that had long ago set on her face almost made her eyes water in its attempt to help her to focus by merely squeezing her eyebrows together, but it only served to give her a headache. Indeed, the more she had to focus on staying calm, the more she realized that her mission to make this work was failing. And just like that, slowly, the thudding of her heart and the adrenaline in her blood drove her painfully insane. Just breathe, bloody idiot! This is a complete overreaction… more than likely just some stupid puberty thing. Ridiculous…

She wanted to yell at everything and everyone to just shut up and stop overwhelming her senses like that. Wasn't that something people supposedly did when they were (almost) 14? Not that Robin would know… her parents used to joke how she'd just jumped from childhood straight to adulthood without the awkward teenage phase. Well, maybe this entire lack-of-basic-functioning was just teenage-hood finally catching up with her.

She managed another forty minutes of restless reading, until she reached the end of the chapter only to realize that she could not remember a single word her eyes had traveled over. What book was she even reading?! Oh god… she would never finish this essay! A sharp tug in her chest and a new wave of nauseous heat accompanied the thought. She would fail this essay, and then the entire class, and then she'd be expelled. Bloody hell, she will end up cast out of both the muggle and the wizarding world! No, she had to do something, anything, she needed to get out of here… now.

The air seemed to be sucked out of the room as Robin threw her book into her backpack and her backpack over her shoulders. She didn't care that she felt dizzy. She didn't care that people were watching her abrupt exit like she had gone mad. All she felt was the painful thudding in her chest, the shame, and the tears stinging in her eyes. Before she could fathom to stop or even just slow down for a moment, she was hurrying through the pitch black hallways as if she could simply get rid of the dreadful feeling by going into a blind run. Outrunning her emotions. Just a minute in the courtyard, a minute under the stars or in the darkness of the night and she would be fine, she could just-...

A surging whiplash of electricity hit her body as she blindly ran into a solid surface that made her trip over her own feet and land on her butt, startling her enough to lose control over her unshed tears at last. For a second she blinked up at the blurry figure she'd run into, before being forced back onto her feet by a new wave of adrenaline released into her veins and the still persisting urge to run.

"Not. So. Fast…" The all-too familiar voice of her favorite professor sent a shiver down Robin's spine, but she also couldn't help the impulsive decision to simply walk on. Her body currently held her rational mind hostage, just as she was held in place by a firm grip on both her shoulders before she could bolt.

No no no… he had to let her move on or she would explode into a wailing heap of tears and misery. Or worse, she might yell at him. He would hate her. Even more than he already did anyway. Everyone hated her. She didn't want him to hate her… But she couldn't tell him that, she couldn't even voice any of her thoughts as they remained in their painful ambivalence of tumbling over one another and yet staying completely absent. She just wanted to be left alone… to die already and be rid of this torture.

"Breathe, Robin…" The sound of calmness, of darkness. "Count to six while you breathe in and count to six while you breathe out. You will be alright."

As if her body was trained to obey his solemn command, to ultimately trust his every word, she complied and closed her eyes. One… two… three… four… five… six… She was drowning, literally drowning. Six… five… four… three… two… one… Breathing hurt. It was painful, but getting better. One… two… three… four… five… six… Why wasn't he mad at her?! He was Snape… he was always mad when she did something ridiculous. Six… five… four… three… two… one… He still had his hands placed on her shoulders. She found that she didn't mind. Not the least bit, actually. One… two… three… four… five… six… She felt like her body actually started obeying her mind once again. The painful tension was fading away, the ringing in her ears died down and only her heart was still beating too fast. She could deal with that. Six… five… four… three… two… one… Robin opened her eyes, and despite the thick darkness, she was met with almost black ones in return. Another shiver ran over her skin.

"I'm sorry…" She finally managed to speak in merely a whisper, and a second later an overwhelming wave of guilt closed up her throat altogether. This really was a whole new level of being a bother. He had to hate her now… Wait, had he really used her first name a minute ago? It was all a bit of a blur in her mind…

"Don't." Snape merely said, and let go of one of her shoulders at last to pull her along through the corridors and into the empty potions classroom. As the door closed behind them, he finally turned towards her once more with a mixed expression. "Care to explain?"

"I will, just… give me a moment, please." She brought out, then carefully dropped her backpack on the floor and slowly walked from one end of the classroom to the other, pacing back and forth while Snape sat down on the edge of his desk and watched her in silence. Finally she felt enough like herself once more to talk to him, even if she wasn't entirely sure what he expected to hear. So that's where she started. "I don't know what to say…"

"Is this a usual occurrence? You running through the hallways in blind panic?"

"No…" Robin finally stopped in her avoidant movements, but still looked everywhere other than at the potions professor. "I mean… yes. But no. Ever since the start of term, I… it's…" Robin sighed, then sat down in her usual seat in the second row and put her head in her hands for a moment to collect her thoughts, while Snape waited patiently for her to go on. Finally she took a breath and lifted her eyes to look up at him. "I really shouldn't have told you that I wouldn't study in the hallways anymore… it's the only place I can bear to be at certain times. Ever since the start of term I've had trouble being around people. Not generally, I mean, just… working there, in the common room. I can't focus on my work, no matter what I do, and it always ends with me feeling like I'm going to die. Then I run and hide in the hallway. It's just… what I do to-... to cope without bothering anyone." She shrugged, more so to herself than to him. "I know it's probably just some pathetic teenager thing. It's nothing, really, and I already feel embarrassed enough by how stupid that all sounds… And I should probably stop talking."

"You should have told me."

"What?" Robin blinked at him in irritation. This is not the response she had expected. Mocking, yes. Scolding, even more likely. But not… something that sounded an unlikely lot like understanding. Remorse even! Surely she was misinterpreting that.

"You should have told me on Sunday what you told me now, and matters would not have come this far." He replied reproachfully, which was already way more likely on the scale of his normal subtones, and moved away from his desk towards the door.

"Well, it's not something you simply tell people! At least not without a darn good reason…" Robin defended herself quietly while avoiding his eye once more. He already knew quite enough, he didn't need to see her blushing over it like a damn idiot as well. "And no offense, professor, but I doubt that there is much you can do about it anyway. It's probably just… nature, or… something." She cringed as the words left her lips, but she would only embarrass herself even more if she spoke on in an attempt to make it any better.

"You may have failed to notice that you are sitting at a desk in a decently lit classroom right now instead of cowering on the ground in a dark hallway."

"Actually I was quite aware of that." A small smile accompanied the frown on Robin's face now as she turned around to face him standing by the door. "But… you seem to be making a different point with that statement and I… don't get it."

"Would you like me to spell it out for you?!" He rolled his eyes, looking equally annoyed and uncomfortable. The kind of uncomfortable he always wore when he got caught doing something nice.

"I'd actually appreciate that a lot, sir." She replied with an insecure half smile, even though she knew that his comment had been mere sarcasm. "This… thing, in the common room, has left me a bit… slow, for the moment. Sorry… I guess I'm back to being a dunderhead for the moment."

"Do you remember the advanced spell to lock and unlock doors which I taught you in your first year?"

"Yes, of course."

"It is commonly used to lock the classrooms. All classrooms, to be exact, in the entire school. However I would prefer if you made use of that knowledge solely on the doors to my own classrooms, should you find yourself in need of a… suitable study space again." He gave her a pointed look, then disappeared out into the hallway without another word.

Robin stared at the now closed door for another moment, and listened to her own heartbeat and the silence it was filling. He trusted her enough to allow her to study here, and even come and go at will. That… wow. Robin felt honored, in a way, and definitely privileged. She'd felt proud to be allowed to break curfew, but this was a step further into what honestly started to look like trust. Severus Snape trusted her, even if only ever so slightly. Hadn't she been so emotionally exhausted from the events of today overall and tonight in particular, she would have smiled brighter than the sun. She felt like smiling brighter than the sun, actually… but all her body allowed for now was a small but grateful smile. Yeah, she'd happily write a thousand labels for him as a thank you for this… and a couple more as an apology for making him do something nice. For now however she still had an essay to write for divination, and she would make sure that it turned out even better than the first.

… … …

About an hour later, Professor Snape returned to the classroom in the same silence he had left with. Robin looked up from her work as her ears picked up on the movement, and she followed him with her eyes as he sat down behind his desk with a stack of paperwork. For a moment, he returned the gaze with the same calm expression he had worn in the lab two days ago, and Robin wondered what he might possibly be thinking. Then he focused on his own work, and Robin did the same.

For two more hours they sat in silence like this, each working on their respective tasks in the dim light of the few lit candles in the room. Robin hadn't been able to work this well for this long ever since the start of term, maybe even longer than that, and she couldn't quite believe just how lucky she was to have ended up here now. Lucky, and grateful. Just sitting in Snape's classroom with him, way past curfew and in comfortable silence, she felt like she was able to relax for the first time in over twenty four hours. In addition to that, her essay was turning out to be amazing. This might not beat last Sunday night, with all the amazing wonders the lab had to offer, but it was a pretty close second.

Once the essay was done and packed up to be handed in tomorrow, Robin made the pleasant discovery that the Twirl she had packed was still unharmed and not entirely smashed after how she'd thrown her book into the backpack earlier. Pleased with herself for packing the candy in the first place, she grabbed it out of her backpack along with the book she intended to read next.

"You brought chocolate to Hogwarts?" Snape raised an eyebrow at her in what almost looked like amusement, and Robin had to smile at the fact that this was what finally had led him to disrupt the silence. "Isn't the insufferable amount of sweets served here quite enough?"

"It's not nearly the same, actually." Robin replied neutrally, then took one of the chocolate bars out of the package to place it on her desk before looking back at Snape. "Do you… uh, would you like one? I mean… I'd be happy to share. Still haven't gotten used to having two chocolates in one package…"

"And what exactly would be the use of that for you?"

"Eating chocolate or sharing? Actually-... Well, I guess it doesn't matter, actually… both tend to be quite delightful." Robin shrugged as she rose to her feet and walked over to his desk to place the second piece of chocolate in front of him. Seeing as he still looked doubtful, Robin rolled her eyes even though she knew she shouldn't. "I'm not going to poison you! I'm… just trying to be nice. And hoping you won't yell at me."

While Snape continued to frown at her, then at the chocolate on his desk, Robin sat back down at her own desk with a sigh and went to enjoy her treat. Why couldn't he simply accept a kind gesture without being all weird about it? It made Robin feel weird in return… but she also refused to let that stop her from being nice to him. He probably didn't believe that anyone would be kind to him for the same reason he found it so hard to believe that Robin didn't mind, and even appreciated his company. Well, in case she or anyone on this planet hadn't noticed before now… her potions professor was different. Not different from anything in particular, just different. Yet she couldn't help wondering… had he ever tried muggle candy before? Chances were ridiculously high that he didn't even-...

"There indeed is nothing like Twirls in Hogwarts… I had no idea they sold them as twin bars these days though." He mused after a moment, then snatched the piece of chocolate off his desk to eat while resuming his work as if nothing had interrupted him in the first place.

Robin felt baffled for a moment… he actually knew that they hadn't always come packaged like this?! Most of the kids in her house didn't even know what a TV was… leave alone a random brand of sweets. How come he knew? But Robin knew that it wasn't her place to ask... She'd already stretched her luck quite enough by offering him chocolate in the first place. But in terms of being kind, it really was an improvement to having the house elves bringing him cake, just like her using his classrooms as a study space was an improvement in terms of trust. Somehow, Robin felt like they were making progress. But she didn't yet know which goal they were trying to reach.

… … …

After Tuesday night, Robin declared the potions classroom to be her personal sanctuary. Thus it was no surprise that on Wednesday night she was back in front of the door, only to find it locked. However seeing as Snape had been rather direct about her being allowed and expected to let herself in, she didn't hesitate to make good use of the spell she'd learned in her first year. From some time after dinner until way after midnight, Robin was alone in the classroom, working and reading and simply enjoying the fact that she was entirely on her own. Solitude was hard to come by around here… so she treasured every second she had to herself, before at last she made her way back to her dorm. She didn't run into a single person that night, and it was absolutely blissful.

On Thursday night Robin had to let herself into the room yet again, but after an hour of being alone, Professor Snape burst into the room like a black whirlwind or a thundercloud, which in return caused Robin to jump with a yelp. He stared at her in surprise for a second, frozen in his spot in the middle of the room now after the dramatic entrance, but then his entire demeanour slowly changed from threatening tension to calm neutrality and he moved on into his office, only to come back with a stack of notebooks a moment later. Still without saying a single word, he sat down at his desk in the front of the classroom and started to work. Whatever he had been upset about a moment ago, to Robin it seemed to have faded for now. Or he'd just gotten better at hiding it. However Robin had also gotten better at reading his barely-existent expressions and tiny tells, and thus it was more than likely that he felt calmer now for real. The thought made Robin smile as she turned back to her work. Perhaps this sanctuary wasn't only hers to escape to after all.

On Friday night, Robin found herself with a surprising lack of assignments for the next week, which left only her private studies to delve into. However due to exactly that reason, she decided to take a walk down to the lake after dinner, before curfew would limit her to the castle grounds alone. It was still surprisingly warm for the beginning of October, and thus she strolled along the shore until the time of night forced her to return to the castle. Once back inside, she made her direct way to the potions classroom without even bothering to return to her dorm first, seeing as she carried her backpack with her anyway, and thus all of the books she could possibly read. To her surprise, the door was unlocked already, but she stepped into the room to find it empty and in darkness. Well, the back of the room where Robin was currently situated was dark. The door leading to Snape's office however stood wide open, and the faint light radiating out of the office dimly illuminated the very front of the classroom.

Without wasting any more time standing in the dark like an idiot, Robin closed the door behind herself, lit the candles with a single word and then sat down in her usual spot. Somehow it only now appeared to her that up until this week, Snape had always been working in his office whenever she had seen him working in the evenings, and not once in the classroom. Had he started working here to keep an eye on her? No, she'd been alone here all of Wednesday, and multiple hours over the other two days. Huh… how curious. Robin then settled for the explanation that he also didn't mind some company at times. And the desk here in the classroom seemed a whole lot larger than the one in his office.

"Miss Mitchell…" His voice stopped her before she even had the chance to unpack any of her books from her backpack.

"Good evening, professor." She replied in a hint of surprise at actually being talked to after the enduring silence of the previous night, and meanwhile followed him with her eyes as he made his way out of the office with a book in his hands that might as well be older than the castle. "Is… is everything alright?"

"Indeed. However I… would like to ask for your assistance." His voice didn't let on anything at all once more, and Robin didn't know if she should feel nervous or excited. Her heartbeat sped up anyway.

"My-... My assistance?" She frowned a little, but snapped out of her insecurity in a second. This was her chance to help him another time, and she would take it no matter what. "I mean… of course, I'd be glad to. What is it you need my help with?"

He placed the book on his desk and motioned for Robin to come over as well, which she did while he explained. "I was in the fortunate position to acquire this unique piece of literature over the summer, but it appears to be missing one single page, which however I suspect to be of crucial importance to fully understanding everything else. Since the page was not simply torn out of the book, it also cannot simply be restored either."

Robin stood next to Snape at his desk and carefully inspected the heavy tome for a moment. It was bound in shabby but decently restored leather, with the barest hint of a gold inscription on the spine that however had long before rubbed off. Not much to go by… what kind of literature was this even? After a moment she looked up from the book to meet her professor's eyes. "How could I be of any help with that? I mean, I absolutely would help you if I could, but I very much doubt that there's anything I can do if even you didn't know a suitable spell. Maybe you could ask Professor Flitwick, or Professor McGonagall, or…"

"I asked for your assistance, did I not?"

Robin nodded, but the frown stayed on her face nonetheless. "Yes, sir… but I'm afraid I'll only disappoint you even if I tried. I have no idea how to restore the page as it is."

"I would not be so certain about that. You are in the possession of something that could very well be of vital assistance right now." He gave her a moment to think, and the gears in Robin's mind jumped into full action. Did she, really? But what-...

"The book about literature spells!" Her eyes widened at her own conclusion, and her lips remained agape with the realization. So that's why he had asked her! But how had he remembered that? It's been ages since she'd mentioned it…

"Is it still in your possession?"

"Of course!" The smile was on her face before she could help herself. In an instant she was back at her own desk and digging through her backpack with her right arm almost disappearing in the small bag up to her shoulder. Snape watched her with a risen eyebrow, and Robin felt the need to explain herself rising up with the heat on her cheeks. "Uh, I… carry a lot of books usually, so I used an extension charm I had previously researched for-… You know what, nevermind."

Snape looked so extremely unimpressed by her words that Robin had enough reason to assume that he actually was actually –at least partially– impressed by her spellwork. Really, it was another odd thing about him that she'd discovered recently, the nearly indistinguishable difference between unimpressed, and 'unimpressed but actually quite impressed'. She hid her smile in her bag for a moment, until she came to the conclusion that the book in question wasn't in there. Thus she dropped the bag on her desk as she rose to her feet, and then turned back to Snape.

"The book is in my dorm room, since I hardly ever use it these days… But I'll go get it right now, so, uh, I'll be right back." With that she made for the door and left without waiting for a reply. Ten minutes later she walked back into the classroom at the same pace she had left with, eyes already fixed on the book as she flipped through the pages. "I'm afraid I only ever really studied half of it, seeing as the second half was pretty much useless for me at the time, but-..."

"Jay?! What the hell are you doing here? Must've gotten yourself into detention as well, huh?" The snarling voice of David –who certainly had been a more than qualified replacement for Alexander in terms of bullying, ever since the duelling incident– made Robin look up from her book so fast and in so much surprise that she almost ran into the corner of a desk. In equal shock and incredulity she stared at David for a second, then at Professor Snape who had taken a seat behind his desk.

"You've got to be joking…"

______________________________

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[inventors-fair]

Shareholders Meeting (Generosity Commentary)

This was absolutely new territory for me, 100%. I used to be a Sen Triplets player, for cryin’ out loud. Who would I give my opponents anything, ever, for any reason? But that’s the beauty of this, though. Being a Magic player and running design contests means I have to see beyond what I might want to play with right off the bat. And I do have my manipulative tactics from time to time. Has anyone seen that Modern deck that synergizes with Suture Priest/Blood Seeker, Hunted Phantasm, Forbidden Orchard, Sickness in the Ranks, and Blood Artist? It’s jank but I love it.

When talking about these cards, there are the usual questions about design and likes/dislikes, but there’s the most important question, and one that’s gonna come up a lot:

Is there any reason this card HAS to enter under an opponent’s control?

The main issue I saw with a lot of cards is that there wasn’t always a reason for them to be under an opponent’s control, instead of just having an effect that could exist on the card regularly. For this commentary, I’ll be calling that a “Control Factor.” Also, some cards that were potential winners/runners will be marked as Judge Picks.

Let’s take a look.

@aethernalstars​ — Labyrinthine Towershell

Likes/Dislikes: This is an oddball design first and foremost. I can see the inspiration from the art, and while I don’t play WoW I can get the gist of what that place is, what the world is, through your design, so that’s nice! Shroud being what it is, though, and considering an opponent gains control of it, I’m not sure why that was chosen over hexproof. Just so an opponent can’t get rid of it with targeting effects? I can see how this would slow them down. I’m not sure why blue/red are the colors for this card. It feels mostly blue/green. Is the red because of the control? Additionally, I feel that even with the color weight this card is severely undercosted; you made a powerful ability, which is good! Just needs balance.

Control Factor: I’m feel that this could have been a hexproof creature with “Whenever a creature an opponent controls” etc. to affect their board that way. What’s the flavor of an opponent gaining control of this? Why not just have the turtle as a kind of maze guardian? It’s a strong ability and contender.

Nitpicks: Second ability should probably be an “as” ability and not an ETB trigger, and needs “an opponent of your choice.” Or see Xantcha’s oracle.

~~~

@askkrenko​ — Maheer, Trusted Advisor (JUDGE PICK)

Likes/Dislikes: I had a headache trying to figure out what this card would do practically on the battlefield. And you know what? I had a field day and I loved it and wow, this card is a competitive player’s dream. The resource management, the potential loss, the incredible decisions to be made, the way that this has to be utilized for optimizing life loss and card advantage and deciding who gets what where... Wow. I can imagine this card being in some competitive cube and/or actually severely affecting eternal formats and/or limited. Impressive and difficult. For two mana I’d say it’s pushed, but pushed ain’t broken. Probably.

Control Factor: Yes, the switching of control for life loss and the flavor of a lying advisor traveling across the battlefield works both flavorfully and mechanically.

Nitpicks: “Activate this ability,” not “Use.”

~~~

@dabudder​ — Bounty Board

Likes/Dislikes: Fight is a difficult ability sometimes. And this card has repeatable fight, colorless fight, and ramping. I feel that that’s just enough to be a break. Arena and Triangle of War are old as butts, and nowadays I don’t know if there would be that much of a precedent at such a low cost. If you have a good enough board state even in limited, this card becomes a gold-giver in exchange for destruction at two mana. I do like the flavor, and the flavor text ain’t bad. Probably still too big a risk.

Control Factor: I like the flavor but I don’t understand it entirely. Who is on the bounty board? Your creatures, or your opponent’s creatures? If it’s yours, why are you playing a card that puts a bounty on them? If it’s your opponents, wouldn’t YOU get the reward for fulfilling the bounty?

Nitpicks: “Gold” should be capitalized, and probably be “Treasure.”

~~~

@deafeningsandwichpeach​ — Ancient Sea Gate

Likes/Dislikes: I feel that unfortunately this card is fundamentally broken, and not in your favor. Yeah, they skip a draw step, but now you’re giving an opponent a land that can activate a Emmessi Tome for two mana every turn. At that point you’ve lost a land drop, you’ve given them card advantage at the cost of a single draw step, and you are immediately and woefully behind. The mechanics of this card as they are now are interesting, absolutely interesting, and absolutely unplayable.

Control Factor: Mechanically I kind of see what you were trying to go for. Flavorfully I don’t understand at all.

Nitpicks: None. (Well, I mean, the border for lands that make colored mana should match, but that’s not your fault at all.)

~~~

@dimestoretajic​ — Xantcha, Enlightened Infiltrator

Likes/Dislikes: Once I could read this card, I understood its intentions. It’s a strong callback to Xantcha, so you know, kudos for that. And also, this card only works in multiplayer, which is a bit of a problem. If you only have one opponent, then you play this card, you activate the 0 and draw/lose life, and then you have to attack her until she gets to ten because that zero ability literally can’t be activated. If you’re the only opponent, then nobody can be targeted. Was that intentional? If so, kudos for making a complex card but un-kudos because that feels super unintuitive. “lowest numerical value” also doesn’t entirely make sense to me, because it’s not a “negative ten” ability, it’s “remove ten loyalty counters” as an activation cost. 

                         I feel that there could be a risk-reward potentially associated with this card, or you could add the must abilities into the activations themselves, but it’s hovering in between clunky and unplayable. Assuming the best, that you’re in a 3-4 player game, you have a insanely-difficult-to-remove clock for three mana that draws you a crapload of cards. Which, you know, some people could like! But it’s the kind of card that doesn’t make you friends.

Control Factor: Yep, checks out. See above notes on opponent targeting in 1v1, though.

Nitpicks: “0″ abilities don’t need a plus or minus. Was this a card creator limiting factor? If so, ignore my ignorance.

~~~

@emmypupcake — Volatile Mixture

Likes/Dislikes: It’s a cute bauble that swings around and hurts people, checks out. Colored artifact with a relevant ability, sure thing. How does it play? ... Well, I was doubtful and then I read it again. Wow, I really misread this card. So you’re playing hot potato for a whole lot of turns. Okay, that’s fun. That’s fun! Yeah, I totally messed up when I read this the first time. I think that this card is pretty interesting in concept. I think that it could kind of be just a tax, though, and it’s entirely possible that it just never goes off during a game and everyone is spending two mana to ensure that they don’t get stuck. Or, for three mana, you’ve made kind of a worse shock. It’s a perfectly fine card that probably needs a more volatile gimmick. What if it flipped coins or something? I don’t know, I’m spitballing. Hm, but no, ignore that, I’m liking the flavor of having to keep it under control. Shame that it just doesn’t have a guaranteed explosion.

Control Factor: Fun enough to use the wording, juggles well, forces decisions. Checks out!

Nitpicks: “Volatile Mixture enters the battlefield under target opponent’s control.” Could also Xantcha that wording.

~~~

@evscfa1​ — Contract of Peace

Likes/Dislikes: There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with this card’s design, but it feels clunky to say the least. Four separate abilities that are tangentially connected, the weird activation, the static... I think, more than anything, I don’t get it. What’s the contract? What’s the peace of a one-sided battlefield? Is it ironic, with a bribery type of activation? What do the Treasures have to do with peace? This card could be printed but again, I don’t understand why it would exist, or the world around it, or what sort of set it would belong in. “Disjointed” is a good word for this card. A singular design that doesn’t feel like it meshes with any flavor or archetype. All cards are submitted without context, but the best cards imply context, and that’s where I feel the mark was missed.

Control Factor: Is an opponent being forced to sign a contract? Again, the “why” of this card feels obfuscated.

Nitpicks: “15” should be written out as “fifteen.”

~~~

@fractured-infinity​ — Sleeper Agent’s Gambit

Likes/Dislikes: I loved this card until I didn’t. On the surface, you have a fantastic flavorful design with great flavor text and a new, silly ability. And then, for three mana, you essentially ensure that your opponents are going to have the most frustrating time of their lives. In limited, this card is an early-game decimator, and that’s...well, it feels a little harsh. Two targets (creature you control + opponent) and the multicolored factor aren’t that hard to get around, and once you do, my gut says that this card is more frustrating than fun, especially when you consider some of the creatures that you can give to your opponent. How could it have been improved? Well, consider: what if it was an aura? It could be put on a creature then given to an opponent, and it had those abilities. “Gambits” are calculated but still have a risk, like a non-indefinite strategy. I want to like this idea but I’m still getting frustrating over fun. Look at Necrotic Plague, for example. In kind of the same vein, y’know?

Control Factor: Perfect.

Nitpicks: If all else fails and you wanna keep this card, the wording could be a little more streamlined: “Target opponent gains control of target creature you control. That creature gains ‘This permanent can’t be sacrificed’ and ‘At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice a creature.’” For your future, make sure “can’t” replaces “cannot,” and that punctuation goes inside quotes.

~~~

@fumblehawk​ — Gwafa, Monopolous Merchant

Likes/Dislikes: Out of all the things I expected, a different take on Gwafa “MF’in’” Hazid was not one of them. So the card itself! It’s cool. It’s a little weird, but it’s cool. I like the idea of drawing cards as payment for forcing gifts. The tax effect is something very interesting to consider with how much this card kind of wants to get rid of cards, and you can end up giving things that tax all players, and even make some kind of freaky Zedruu deck. I mean, this feels MADE for Zedruu and Grand Arbiter and all kinds of EDH decks. The thing is, this card doesn’t feel too different from the OG Gwafa, and I don’t know how to feel about that. There’s nothing wrong with revisiting legendary creatures, of course, but the effect... I don’t know, I’m iffy on it. This is a strong submission but I feel that there could have been a different method of execution.

Control Factor: Checks out!

Nitpicks: The “draw a card” should be a separate sentence, just like, “They do the thing. Draw a card.” Secondly, it’s “Spells your opponents CAST cost” etc. Small note, but...this card is really small. Consider downloading Magic Set Editor or finding a better way to export your cards, if you can? 

~~~

@gollumni​ — Gift of Humility

Likes/Dislikes: Don’t be humble, you finished your final! Congrationulations! So this card. It’s a’ight? So here’s the thing. Nine Lives + this card. HA. Hilarious! Delusions of Mediocrity! Illusions of Grandeur! Nefarious Lich! There’s a lot of mean and dumb and fun synergies with this card, and the thing is, well, I know you were in a place when you submitted this. So I’ll excuse the lack of flavor text and whatever and just say that, like Harmless Offering from Eldritch Moon, this card has potential and still nobody’s gonna want to open it from a booster pack. Unless it becomes massively competitive in some stupid Esper Lich Control deck.

Control Factor: Yep, that’s the point of the card!

Nitpicks: Get some sleep.

~~~

@hiygamer​ — Tibalt, Chaotic Menace

Likes/Dislikes: It’s interesting how many legendary cards people submitted for this contest. Hm, guess we did have three as example designs. Regardless! So the activated abilities are the best part of this card. I do like the tension between a random player and a random player who’s not Tibalt’s owner. In 1v1 this can get really tense. Ditch a card at random, flip a coin, aaaand... Nope, you’re stuck with him. My main complaint is the second trigger. “The number of loyalty counters that were on him as the turn began?” There are so many memory issues potentially associated with that. The more triggers that go off and the more factors that go into calculating that, the less reasonable that ability becomes. This card isn’t bad, and I know why you wanted that ability, but there has to be a better way of making that happen. I’d workshop that a bit. And also, if you’re using MSE? Consider changing individual text sizes because wow this card is hard to read. 

Control Factor: Yep, makes sense that he’s going around wrecking face, and the complexities are totally fine.

Nitpicks: I’m pretty sure the first ability should read “You must activate at least one of Tibalt’s abilities each turn if able.” Then “whenever” is just...weird and gets into Judge Tower territory.

~~~

@hypexion​ — Jenny Spellshare

Likes/Dislikes: So let’s start off with the fact that I like this card’s abilities a lot. That’s... Well, honestly, I don’t even have to qualify that. It’s a powerful Bant commander with crazy group-hug abilities and LOTS of token copies that, while powerful, can be mitigated into some nasty stuff. You got wheels, eggs, control cards, draw limiters—like, imagining setting up things like Hullbreacher and the ilk and going nuts with copies. So yeah, fun Commander card and could even be interesting in limited! My two minor complains that stop this from being really great: One, a faerie creature without flying hasn’t been printed in a non-supplemental set since 1995. Two... “Jenny?” “Judith” at least has Hebrew origins, but man, that name threw me off. I do have a friend named Jenny who plays Magic, funnily enough. Yeah, heh, just something to consider. Kinda takes me out of the world. Consider flavor text?

Control Factor: Perfect for what you want to do.

Nitpicks: What is UP with that line spacing? Did you hit shift+enter? I’m talking about between “cast” and “Whenever.” Or did that just go to a separate line. In any cast those should DEFINITELY be separated. ... Wow, don’t we all love nitpicks. This is probably the nit-picky-est one I’ve done in a while.

~~~

@i-am-the-one-who-wololoes​ — Xymik, Who Gifts Pain

Likes/Dislikes: So, yeah, Xymic is a name I want to hold me up against a brick wall and weight its body on me, midnight on Halstead street, neon blurs in the air. That is a sexy name. ... Cards? Cards. SO. It’s pretty good. I can see this being part of either a supplemental Commander set OR equally a standard Grixis-themed set, which we haven’t had in a while. Really sucks that Ikoria was both not great gameplay wise and also released in the middle of a pandemic. For this card, personally, I initially thought “well you can just merge them” but I see what you did, clever clogs! Donate a permanent, make ‘em chuck a card. Multiplayer, send a permanent around the table, make ‘em lose life! Huh, this is actually kind of awesome. Small personal factors: I would pump the P/T a little, perhaps, for a four-color card; this could be as much as a 5/3. This does feel more like a Demon than a Devil to me, too. And, a tiny bit of flavor text could go a long way. Could you also have the second ability read “spell or permanent?” It’s niche, but...

Control Factor: Perf-a-rooni.

Nitpicks: None!

~~~

@justincase-1012​ — Fire Ant Infestation

Likes/Dislikes: Conceptually, this is cool. Ant infestations done flavorfully are neat, and I like the aspect of you not having to continuously deal damage because you can hit once and then pseudo-populate. On second thought reviewing this card, I think that that’s surprisingly flavorful. Once the ants get in, the rest of the ants can just pump in more freakin’ ants. There are wording nitpicks I’ll get to later, but the gist of this card is that it’s very strong and requires a balance to also make the damage from attacking tokens not hit you too. You know what, I’ll give it a tentative seal of approval. I don’t really get why it’s a 1/3 and not, well, a 3/1, and I’m not sold on the flavor of an “infestation” being a creature. “Fire Ant Colony” could work? Not super flavorful, but it’s in progress. Also, MAJOR issue: There’s a card called Fire Ants with a different ability. Named tokens of previous cards absolutely exist, see Future Sight spellshapers, but this one is way too similar. “Fire Ant Drone” maybe.

Control Factor: Yup, does what it’s gotta do.

Nitpicks: Wording time: “...that player creates a 1/1 red and black Insect creature token named Fire Ant with “At the beginning of your upkeep, Fire Ant deals 1 damage to you.”” And see above notes on that token name.

~~~

@koth-of-the-hammerpants — Temporary Loan

Likes/Dislikes: There is a fundamental flaw in how this card works when you have two extra mana. So, you play this turn four, and now it’s turn five on your go. You drop a three-mana creature, then give it to an opponent, then they give you a random permanent, then you immediately pay UB and sacrifice what they gave you to get your card back. So this card effectively becomes “Whenever a permanent enters the battlefield under your control, you may pay UB. If you do, target opponent sacrifices a permanent” in the most roundabout way. In short, this card is not fun, especially with lands that you can tap for mana in response to entering. under your control.

Control Factor: Flavorfully understandable, see above mechanical notes. Not worth it.

Nitpicks: The “If you do” clause is a run-on sentence and should end with “...a permanent they control and you gain control of it.” “Sacrifice” and “Gain” should be capitalized. And, um... “Time’s up my friend” should definitely be “Time’s up, my friend.” with a period. Because otherwise it sounds like the friend is Christopher Walken in Pulp Fiction.

~~~

@mardu-lesbian​ — Grift Horse (JUDGE PICK)

Likes/Dislikes: My eyes could not roll out of my head any harder at that name. Stellar work. So! This card! Wow. “Gimme the goods, then I’m gonna wreck shop.” For a four-mana potential fun removal gimmick and an indefinite steal, this is a surprisingly powerful card. “Gimme Ugin, aaaand...here’s a horse. AND BOLT THE HORSE.” Also, I had to double-check, but good wording on that second ability! Scab-Clan Giant, yeah? In short, this does sort of kind of become a rough removal card and more or less wrecks shop with an opponent’s bomb, but rares are supposed to be powerful, y’know? I can’t fault it for that. I’d love to see this in limited, I’d love to see some EDH bullcrap go down with making an indestructible horse or whatever, and hm, what would the art be? Maybe an Eldrazi horse, actually, with tentacles coming out of the mouth. Horse Horror? Yeah, this opens the question: “how powerful can red’s indefinite stealing be?”

Control Factor: Shifty Thrifty Grifty.

Nitpicks: If you’re using MSE, you can adjust the flavor bar offset. Also I’m officially challenging you to draw this horse.

~~~

@misterstingyjack​ — Mercenary Contract

Likes/Dislikes: So...okay, so you’re turning a creature you control into a mercenary for your opponents? Kind of? You’re getting gold for the things they’re doing, makes sense. I guess. This card’s kind of hard to work around. It’s a lot of text, too. So the thing is, I don’t really get why you’d have to give something to an opponent for this flavor to work. Enchant a creature you control, it gets a buff and has to attack, and whenever it attacks you get a Treasure. Spreading things around doesn’t make the most sense in the world, honestly. But I do get it, and I think I understand the gameplay prioritization you were shooting for. I’m being a little harsh on the card because I feel that in a printed set it could just be worded/printed differently. Fundamentally, it’s not the strangest thing in the world.

Control Factor: See above notes about flavor. Main problem is that why is your contract sending it to work for an opponent? Wouldn’t the opponent have to sign something? Contracts are hard.

Nitpicks: “Whenever enchanted creature attacks or an ability of enchanted creature is activated, if its owner does not control it, that player creates a Treasure token.” See Illusionist’s Bracers.

~~~

@nicolbolas96​ — Slimeknife,Mercenary Thallid

Likes/Dislikes: Step one: play Pandemonium/Warstorm Surge. Step two: get literally a 1/1 creature or token. Step three: infinite cards/ETB triggers. That last ability has a LOT of random infinite combos it can do, and I kind of like that, but it’s really asking to be abused. But that’s not a bad thing. Kind of. There are probably more ways to deal damage and whatnot. So the thing is, this card does give the tokens to your opponents, but...why? What major flavorful purpose does it serve? Dowsing Dagger created Plants because it symbolized the undergrowth that the creature had to cut through. Hunted creatures made tokens because they were, well, being hunted. What about Slimeknife? That ability really doesn’t feel like it needs to be on this card, and this card honestly could be a rare. It’s a GREAT deathtouch commander, probably one of the best if it existed. Doesn’t excuse that disconnect, though. ... And yes, “Fungus Assassin” is awesome.

Control Factor: Ultimately, not necessary. The card works better without it.

Nitpicks: “Creature tokens,” not “token creatures.” See Aven Wind Guide. Also, check the comma in the name?

~~~

@nine-effing-hells​ — Overeager Adjutant

Likes/Dislikes: I’m kind of worried about this card. A one-mana 3/3 with haste is pretty nasty. Goblin Guide and Monastery Swiftspear are already challenging enough, with Vexing Devil also thrown into the burn pile. The question is whether or not the drawback of 1/1s that can’t block and the card disadvantage will be good enough to stop an aggro build. In theory, there would come a point in limited where your opponents are drawing extra cards and playing creatures the Adjutant can’t get through, or you’re doing some nasty removal... But a strong aggro player running something like Burchett’s Gruul build or a devastating Human midrange build will use this card to their advantage. Questions of flavor come up, too. How is eagerness creating tokens? Drawing cards is a maybe, but the things that are being done don’t feel connected to, say, the attacking or you having creatures enter. 

Control Factor: I don’t understand flavorfully where the humans are coming from and why they can’t block this creature.

Nitpicks: None.

~~~

@real-aspen-hours​ — Gift // grift (JUDGE PICK)

Likes/Dislikes: Well, it’s a split card. And it’s a good split card. And it does good things. So, I won’t beat around the bush, the nitpicks are really what doomed this card. There’s just a lot that I had to excuse to make it a judge pick, which is kind of a bummer but against the other submissions, it stands out. So let’s leave that for that section and talk about the good things. I love the rhyming split card names. Frankly, I want to have a future split card contest just to see the weirdness that people come up with. “Gift” is a perfectly acceptable upshifted Harmless Offering, and wow, “grift” is one of the most powerful and frightening cards I’ve seen in a while. It’s reminiscent of Skyclave Apparition, but with the Treasure advantage. This card can 100% take over games and worth playing in nonred decks for that alone. It might need to be four mana, possibly even five, but I do like it a lot.

Control Factor: Yep, “Gift” does it, and actually “grift” too. Heh, it’s neat.

Nitpicks: 1) Grift needs to be capitalized. 2) Your submission was missing rarity. 3) I capitalized “Sorcery” for you but in your original submission both were lowercase. 4) Both rules texts were missing periods at the end. 5) “Nonland” is one word. 5) “Its,” not “it’s.” 6) “Treasure” needs to be capitalized.

~~~

@shakeszx — Alder Hahn, helpful recruiter

Likes/Dislikes: So this is pretty obviously a Commander-oriented card, and that’s alright. I was iffy about some of the flavor stuff, but actually, the “my men always collect” line aligns nicely with the Treasure token creation. Attacks OR blocks—that’s a good catch. Makes 1v1 matches not too overpowered, and you can get some awesome control in. Giving defender tokens to players, or forcing them to block bad attacks... This could be a pretty fun card, honestly. The more I think about it the more I’m down for it. It’s outside of my ordinary play style, but there are symmetrical effects and bribery fun stuff that could make this a funky little card. Not a fan of the name at all, though. “Helpful Recruiter” doesn’t tell me anything about, like, why he’s recruiting, or who his men are, or his motivations, or whatever. The flavor text is great but “helpful” is just...ech, I’m overthinking it. “Recruiter” too, though, like, is he forcing them to be recruited? It feels more like reconnaissance or Mafia-style forced brutality. 

Control Factor: Bingo, we’re gettin’ boys.

Nitpicks: Capitalize all important words in the name. Also, the second ability could be “Whenever a creature you own but don’t control attacks or blocks,” right?

~~~

@thedirtside — Burden of Parenthood

Likes/Dislikes: A mythic Nettlevine Blight-ish self-replicated token giver of awesome proportions that means players have to carefully strategize their creature interactions over time? Awesome. I like how if they get two of them, then... You... Oh, wait, it’s... Ha, um, there might be a lil’ flaw here. So, Opponent has a Squire, you play BoP. Their first upkeep, they get their Squire token. You do yours. Their second upkeep, they stack the triggers: “I’m going to have the Burden upkeep trigger resolve first, giving me a copy of my Squire. Then, the first token trigger will resolve, and I’ll sacrifice the second token I created this way.” So all this card does until you get rid of it is allow them to carefully make a token then sac a token each turn. Was that intentional? If so, well, why? Kinda falls apart when you take into consideration Magic’s #weirdness. Also. What does this have to do with parenthood. I’m genuinely stumped what the flavor is supposed to convey. Is this like...people being forced to give birth to putrescent goblins or something??

Control Factor: This part does check out, yeah. However, the contest specified that you weren’t supposed to use effects that gave each player something.

Nitpicks: There shouldn’t really be “target” there. “Nonland” is one word. The base power and toughness should be “1/1″ instead of “1.”

~~~

@walker-of-the-yellow-path​ — Questing Grail (JUDGE PICK)

Likes/Dislikes: ETB ability, fantastic, okay, we’re conveying that you’re giving someone a challenge your creatures are going to tackle. Attack trigger, fantastic, they’re getting the thrill of the hunt and the charge. Damage trigger, the blood is being spilled and the opponent is considering how much they want to then increase the damage all around and the risk of combat. This card makes combat so complicated, and so much more thrilling, and wowza this would make for some insane limited games. I have two issues. Firstly, this needs to be legendary for the love of God this needs to be legendary. It would fit the flavor, and then the three separate triggers wouldn’t be a pain. As much. Secondly, the last ability. So, are you supposed to get a blood counter on it for each creature that deals combat damage? Because unless something has first strike, it’s going to all happen at the same time. Multiple counters, or just when you get hit for the first time? The intentions are unclear. So I would phrase it to say “Whenever one or more creatures deal combat damage to you, put [a OR that many] blood counter[s] on Questing Grail and their controller gains control of Questing Grail.” Aside from that, this is some Eldraine-y Knight-y Bloody Greatness. 

Control Factor: 10/10. 

Nitpicks: None!

~~~

@whuh-oh​ — Gilded Egg // Prized Hatchling (JUDGE PICK)

Likes/Dislikes: This card is a pain in the butt. I love it! So, let’s see. The ways in which you have to ramp up to getting this card specifically under your control is really weird, and measured, and you have to take care of some careful calculation. The sorcery speed is super important, though, and I’m glad you added that in. And man, hatchling counters? Ludevic would be proud. On the flip side, a 2/4 flier in green is pretty rough. I don’t know entirely how I feel about that part specifically. The Food token, ha, that’s glorious. The mana generation, though? WOW. Alhammarret’s Archive makes a whole lot of cool infinite stuff possible, but it’s not easy, I’ll say that much. The mana with the food, like—Wow again. I am Wowed.

Control Factor: The tempting offer and the opportunity is really well-done. Plays nice with the flavor of the sought-after prize.

Nitpicks: Tsk, go back to Modern Masters (2013) witcha “is indestructible”-lookin’ self, CHUMP. ... Ahem. Sorry, I got possessed by the ghost of someone from 2013 elated to open a Vedalken Shackles.

~~~

@wolkemesser​ — Eden

Likes/Dislikes: Alright, there are...a few points to start from. 

Mechanically: if Eden’s controller is doing anything but adding a single mana with this card, then they are bad Magic player, or they have an exact and direct answer to the token being created, because poisonous 3 and a “lose the game” token (with evasion) are so utterly broken that there is no way you’d want an opponent to gain control of them. Even in a 3+ person game, what happens to you? Play Eden, give it to someone last in the order, they give your next opponent a skulking deathtoucher, and then you lose the game. This can happen as early as turn one. In 1v1 this card has no real purpose other than to be used once and basically never again unless someone is forced to use it. In multiplayer games it’s a death sentence. You’re losing a land drop from the deck for a card that won’t ever be used in a way that’s advantageous to your gameplan.

Contextually: In what set is this card supposed to exist? You use both Skulk and Poisonous, retired and unpopular mechanics that don’t appear on the same token even if they do have a possibility of being together. In what environment would this card be played?

Flavorfully: So this is the real, Biblical garden of Eden? Or at least it’s supposed to be? Why are there multiple snakes being made, then? Satan entered the body of a single snake, not a snake that grew more powerful, and the garden entirely was more than just that one tree, granting knowledge, not power. You’ve made a garden of temptation, not paradise.

As a final note after all that rambling, if it was indeed read: On the most technical level, and I hate to say it, the Bible is...Christian IP, basically. There is no Magic world in which Eden could exist because of that. Some religious symbols have also become fantasy tropes such as angels and demons, but the concept of angelic protectors and demonic lords have existed beyond specific religions. This is a specific and sacred religious place. From a strictly professional perspective, err on the side of caution when submitting in the future.

Control Factor: Technically fulfilling.

Nitpicks: The token should be “black and green,” not “green and black.” For the first ability, why strictly from the hand when Crucible of Worlds and whatnot exist?

Tune in next week, when... Well, did you see some of the synergies and combos that I mentioned above? Keep them in mind. Thank you all for your submissions.

—@abelzumi​

[hisan-miren]

Redacted File

The First Date Pt 3

The two ate their meal in relative silence- although Mina did see fit to steal one of his sweet potatoes and quickly snatched it up before he could do anything.  He stared at her for a few seconds, completely flabbergasted (which was a hilarious look on him) before he snatched up her umeboshi (since she’d eaten all of her tempura.)  It quickly devolved into the two trying to steal even more of each other’s food and general tomfoolery and laughter after that.  They made sure to pick up anything they dropped or spilled in the chaos, knowing full well that Raios’ mother would thoroughly chew them out if they didn’t.  When the food (and cleanup) was finished, Raios loaded their tableware back on the tray to be taken away later, and the two moved to sit out on the walkway facing the garden.

“So, what comes after this?” Raios asked, half-grumbling.

“Well, I think it generally goes that you propose, I accept, and then we get married and live happily ever after,” Mina replied.

“I didn’t mean our relationship, you idiot!” Raios snapped, his face turning bright red.  “I meant this date!  I’m not exactly a fountain of knowledge when it comes to this!”

“Well-…”  Mina flopped over on her side, laying across Raios’ lap and causing him to panic very briefly, “we could always go to your roo-”

“Rejected,” Raios spat, a cold and angry demeanor taking back over.  “What is with you and my room anyways?  If you try to recommend it one more time, I’m seriously going to smack you.”

“Got it.  Won’t do it again,” she replied, a bit shocked by how genuinely angry he seemed to be at the mere idea of it.  Shocked, but not perturbed.  She’d try again next time.

“Pick something else.”  He still seemed pretty pissed, but his tone had lost a bit of its edge.

“… Isn’t this fine?”

“Huh?”

“Being like this,” she replied, motioning to their position.  “Or did you want to the one using my lap?” she teased.

“Hu- wh- No!  That’s not what I meant at all!” Raios spluttered, cheeks turning dark again. “And this isn’t what I meant! Aren’t people supposed to do things?!”

“This is doing something though,” Mina replied calmly. “And I am plenty satisfied to just stay like this and chat for a few hours.”

“My legs will fall asleep,” Raios complained.

“Then we can switch!  In an hour you can use my lap.”

“Somehow I get the sense that this isn’t exactly what usually happens on a first date.”

“Well yeah,” Mina replied.  “Usually, the boyfriend isn’t grounded.  We made the most of what we could, and it was fine.  I mean, we’re not breaking any records, but I don’t want to set our relationship to the pace of others’.”  Mina made herself comfortable again on his lap and stared up at him, starting yet another staring contest.  She was content to keep going too until Raios eventually sighed and leaned over.  She was so confused about what was going on that she didn’t realize what had happened until the sensation left her lips. She just stared up at him wide-eyed and quietly covered her mouth.  There was a silence and then she raised a finger.  “One more time.”

“Huh?”

“Do it again.  I wasn’t ready.”

“No,” he replied, seeming pretty adamant this time.

“Oh come on!”  She covered her face as she felt her cheeks start to actually physically burn. She kicked her feet against the wood floor and started to roll around in Raios’ lap, trying to remember not to let herself fall.  “Just one more!  Come on, please?!”

“I know you, it definitely won’t be ‘just one more’,” Raios replied flatly.

“You’re so mean!” Mina whined.

“Yup, I’m mean, horrible, awful- feel free to call me all the names you want, you’re not getting another one.”  Mina gave one last futile, dying groan of disappointment and laid flat on Raios’ lap again.

“I didn’t think you’d do it.”

“You underestimated me.”

“Clearly.”  Raios watched, slightly amused, as her face began to turn red again and she quickly tried to re-cover her face.  “Ughhhhh… Let’s just end it here for today. I don’t think I can function after that.”

“You sure?”

“Not at all, but I think I’m going to be completely useless the rest of the day.  Also my self-control just went in the garbage.”

“Huh?!  Your self-control?!” Raios asked.

“I’m gonna die.  I’m legitimately going to die.”

“You’re not gonna die from a kiss,” Raios ground out.

“I am so gonna die.”

“I didn’t realize you were such a drama queen.”

“And I didn’t realize you were such a tease!”

“Well there’s a lot more where that came from,” he replied, grinning smugly.  She looked up at him only to cover her face again.

“Okay, now I’m gonna die.”

“I’m not playing this game.”

“GREAT!  Because I’m already losing!”  Raios just sighed and leaned back while his girlfriend silently freaked out in his lap. “Ugh…  It should be illegal to be that hot…” Mina grumbled to herself.

“I’d be a lot more legal if you took off your rose-tinted glasses.”

“No thanks, I’m happy where they are.”

“You are just-…”  Raios gave a sigh that was somewhere between ‘annoyed’ and ‘exasperated’.

“I believe the word you’re looking for is ‘incorrigible’,” Mina replied cheekily.

“That’s definitely the word I was looking for.”

“Ready to switch yet?”

“We’re not switching,” Raios replied flatly. “You’ll just use it to kiss me.”

“You saw through it…” Mina grumbled, clicking her tongue and crossing her arms in irritation.  “Then at least give me your hand.  That’s the least you can do.”  She huffed and pouted until Raios eventually felt he had no other recourse but to give into her demands.  He sighed and picked one of his hands off the wooden floor and offered it to her. Mina’s demeanor immediately turned from sullen and dour to gleeful and bright.  Her two smaller hands immediately latched on, and her cheek quickly found its way into her palm.

“What in reverse world is so fun about this?” Raios grumbled. Mina’s thought process was completely beyond him most of the time, but he found this sort of behavior especially weird.  It wasn’t like this was the first time.  She’d done stuff like this to flirt with him even before they started going out, but he didn’t really understand this need for closeness she seemed to have.  He understood wanting to hold hands and be close, but hers seemed to border on outright cuddling.  He didn’t mind, but he didn’t quite get it either.  They sat in silence like that for a while; she spent time feeling out the callouses on his fingers and tracing the wrinkled creases of his palm like she was trying to memorize every inch of it.  A while passed like that without speaking, and eventually Mina sat up and chose to latch herself to Raios’ arm instead.  “I’ve been meaning to ask for a bit, but you’re the type that likes cuddling, aren’t you?”

“If I say ‘yes’, can we cuddle?” she asked hopefully.

“Absolutely not,” Raios replied flatly.  “What if one of my family walked by?  We’re in the garden.  At least pretend to have a bit of shame.”

“But if we weren’t somewhere with other people around?” she asked, eyes glinting with mischief.  

“…I’d think about it…” he replied quietly.

“Alright!” Mina cheered, pumping her fist.

“I didn’t say ‘yes’!” Raios snapped, a bit flustered.

“It’s just as good,” Mina replied.

They sat there and chatted for a while longer, continuing their game of pushing and pulling every now and then until the sun was halfway to the horizon. Raios looked up and judged that it was probably around 5:00pm.  Mina probably had to get home soon.

“Come on, get up,” Raios said, shrugging the arm that she was still very much latched onto.

“Don’t wanna,” Mina pouted.

“Get up,” Raios ground out.  “I gotta take you home.”

“I thought you were grounded,” Mina replied skeptically.

“You honestly think the old hag would allow me to not walk you home?”

“… Fair point.”  Mina reluctantly released him and stood up to stretch.  “We can work out the details of our next date on the way. I wonder where we should go~”

“Ever the opportunist,” Raios sighed, slowly getting up and working the pins and needles out.  The couple made their way over to the entryway, making sure to stop by the kitchen where Raios’ mother would be.  He popped his head in and got his mother’s attention.  She put down the dish she was using to taste the soup, a little surprised that her son had come to find her.

“What seems to be the problem?”

“I’m taking Mina home,” Raios said.

“You know you can’t leave the house, correct?”

“You would really have me not accompany her to ensure she gets home safely?” Raios growled.  Mina was a force of nature.  No one messed with her if they were trying to have a good and decent day.  But it was the principle of the matter.  Mrs. Minori’s placid face slowly morphed into a sly smile, and she turned back to the soup in front of her.

“If you’re not back in 30 minutes, I’m sending your sister after you.”

“I’ll come right back,” he replied quickly.  That was the last thing he wanted.  His sister would interrogate him the entire way back and drive him insane.  Dinner was already going to be bad enough, he didn’t need it to happen without the distraction of food (and he was sure their parents would conveniently ignore her jabs in an attempt to satiate their own curiosity.)  

“D’you get permission?” Mina asked.

“Yup, but I gotta be kinda quick otherwise aneki will be sent for me.  Being alone with her would be the most obnoxious thing in the world.”

“I’m not envious.”

“Must be nice being an only child.”  Mina just shrugged and started slipping her geta on.  Raios quickly followed, suit and the two left to go to her place.

“So, where should we go next time?” Mina asked.  

“A date on the mainland is a bit hard since it’d take most of the day to get there,” Raios mused, “but we might be able to get on a ferry to one of the nearby islands that has more to do.”  He looked over to find Mina pouting which completely bewildered him.  “What? Why are you making that face?”

“Those’re fine ‘n all, but I want something quieter,” she grumbled.

“So what, you just wanna hang out on the beach on the quiet side of the island or something?”  Her eyes lit up, and Raios once again came to the conclusion that there was no understanding his girlfriend.  He sighed in resignation.  “I guess that’s what we’ll be doing then.”  Mina clapped her hands and giggled in glee before once again latching onto his arm.  Raios didn’t even bother trying to get her off this time.  If someone saw them, then they saw them.  

It didn’t take long to arrive at Mina’s house, even with the awkward way she was hanging off him, and Raios stopped at the door.

“Alright, let go.  It’s time for you to go home.”  Mina grumbled under her breath and stubbornly clung to his sleeve.  “Come on, I’ll see you on Monday.”

“It’s too long…”

“It’s the day after tomorrow!” Raios snapped.

“I wish we could just skip to being married already,” Mina pouted, moving to grip the collar of his yukata.

“That’s gonna be a bit,” Raios replied, feeling a bit sheepish. “We’re not even old enough.”  Mina pouted, feeling disheartened when faced with the truth.  “Quit that. You’re being ridiculous.  At least consider for a moment the idea that you may be happier with someone else.”

“Not happening,” Mina growled at him.  “It’s definitely gotta be you.”  Then, Mina violently tugged on him pulling him downwards and caught him completely off guard.  The one Raios had given her had been soft and fleeting.  One of his many ways of gently telling her he loved her and appreciated her. The kiss Mina gave Raios was longer and firmer, and she didn’t even give him a chance to try and lead it.  When she finally let go of him, he covered his mouth with his arm and stumbled back, a violent blush covering his entire face and creeping down his neck.  Mina was almost sure she saw steam coming out of his ears too.

“YOU-!!”  Mina just flashed him a smug smile and stuck her tongue out at him.

“See you Monday~” Mina said, waving to him as she went inside, feeling like she’d set off a whole warehouse’s worth of fireworks.

[gamefaq]

your gifs are amazing oh my gosh!! do you have a tutorial or anything on how you make them??? <3

thank you so much!! i don't have a tutorial per say but i can go through my process which is kind of like a tutorial? i'll be going through how to make this:

RECORDING:

for recording i use NVIDIA GeForce which came with my pc i'm not sure if it's something you can just download? otherwise i use OBS but it's rare that i do, it's only really for when i have a game that isn't supported by NVIDIA but it's not bad to use by all means. i just personally think NVIDIA is a bit easier to get to grips with and if i'm using a youtube video then i use y2mate.com

for my more recent gifsets i've been using a lot of console commands to get rid of the HUD and also to no clip for example to get closer to something you wouldn't normally be able to in game or just to have some more fun camera angles. pretty much every game to my knowledge has console commands and the commands stay very consistent. i won't go into it too much since it's not really the main focus of the ask but there's a lot of information online about it and it's very simple to set up

(i’d say if you’re going to use console commands then wait until you’ve beaten the game if possible because console commands negate getting achievements)

MAKING:

to actually get started i use a perfectly legal version of photoshop that i'd be happy to provide so that you don't waste money on the rip off subscription adobe has

and the very first step is to go to file > import > video frames to layers to load up your recording. a window will pop up with your video and here you can crop to a specific section by using the sliders highlighted or put the entire thing into a file (though it's noted theres a 500 frame limit, you'll never need that many frames)

once you've imported your video it should look like this. if you don't have the timeline bar at the bottom then not to worry! go to window > timeline and make sure it's a timeline animation

here is where you'll size down your gif to suit tumblr's post sizing. i think everyone does this part a little different but what i do first if necessary to your project is cropping. cropping is entirely up to you and how you want your gif to look. for this particular example i won't do too much aside from crop some of the floor out but sometimes i adjust the canvas size (image > canvas size) so that the cropping's more even because it's hard to judge by eye

(edit while i’m going through this: sometimes i make a new file in the size i want my gif to be and overlay that white default layer onto my gif so i can get a good look at where exactly my gif will be cropped. i hope that makes sense? but it’s just a visual aid rather than a requirement so don’t worry if it doesn’t omg)

now to actually resize it with image > image size and here's probably my biggest advice. so i'm going to resize it so that the height is 300 and then crop the sides to 540 afterwards. but what i'm actually going to type is 302 and hit ok

due to the fact photoshop works with pixels, resizing leaves this weird transparent border that just doesn't really look that nice as a gif (or in general for that matter)

so to get rid of this and also change our width to 540 (tumblr's post dimension) i'm using canvas size

so great! now your gif is cropped, resized and ready to be edited! to prep it for editing, go to what looks like a stack of lines on top of each other on the timeline bar and convert to video timeline

EDITING:

your timeline now looks like a bit of a mess, but it's okay we're going to fix that. select all of your frames in the layers on the right hand size and go to filter > convert to smart filter. this will flatten out your frames into one singular layer which both neatens up the place and makes it so that anything you do to these frames now will happen across all of them instead of just one! if that makes sense? if not hopefully it will as we continue on

the next step is sharpening, to do this go to filter > sharpen > smart sharpen and these are my settings. sometimes i switch in between 0.3 and 0.4 depending on what i'm giffing so experiment with both and see what looks better!

i then duplicate the frames (right click, duplicate layer) and going to filter > blur > gaussian blur. this isn't necessary by all means and not everybody likes to do this, i just personally do and these are my settings

by double clicking on what looks like two lines with two triangles next to where it says "gaussian blur" on the layer, i change the blur opacity to 60 and the overall opacity of the layer to 40%. this is something you can also experiment with for example i used to use 85 and 60%

COLOURING:

the final step is colouring and there's two ways of going about this really, you can either use psds where there's plenty to find on tumblr which imo is perfectly fine to use and have done it myself, sometimes i'm not in the mood to colour. or you can colour from scratch which for the sake of this explanation i will

all of these adjustments are now your best friend. what i'd say really is go a bit hog wild and experiment and see what all these different things do but i would recommend at least using curves and levels.

i don't really know how to explain this other than "move the sliders around like wheee until you think it looks nice"

i'm not going to do too many adjustments just to save some time but here's what i've ended up with (i also would just suggest putting all your layers into a folder to declutter your layers a little). i usually use a lot more layers but there’s also nothing wrong with only having 4 adjustment layers either, sometimes simple is better

(another edit: that layer 501 is just some brush tool to erase some of the ground because it looked weird, it’s not an actual adjustment layer. just in case that caused some confusion!)

and i'll just show the difference between no colouring and with colouring and why it's an important step:

(without colouring)

(with colouring)

an optional final step before we go onto exporting, if you didn't trim the clip you wanted when you first loaded in your frames you can do that step now with the video timeline. just simply drag the work area bar to where you want it (and you can zoom into your timeline bar by using the slider in the bottom left for more accurate cropping) you might also need to use this regardless if your gif ends up being too beefy in mb which we'll get into in a second

so it's time to export after the more realistic hours of recording, cropping, colouring and what have you! go to file > save for web (NOT save as or export) and a big boy window will come up. it might look a little daunting but we're really only paying attention to a few things.

it's been a bit iffy on what the actual gif limit is on tumblr at the minute but the safest bet is to aim around 3mb (but it's okay to go over, i think the max i've done is 6mb) and if it's incredibly large such as 20mb it could be your colouring or your frame count. maybe adjust a couple of things. i think white and blue can make gifs particularly beefy? but i'm not sure. and black makes gifs less beefy which is why my example is only 1mb.

then you want to click save instead of done and save it to wherever you like it to be, and you're basically done! if you want to do an extra step however which is something i've only recently started to do myself, is load up the gif file you just saved by simply going to file > open

you'll notice it's automatically switched back to a frame timeline which is fine for us, select all the frames with selecting those stack of lines again > select all frames. without accidentally clicking off the selecting click on any of the triangles in the frames in the bottom right and then other to manually change the delay of which the frames will play

for whatever reason gifs will save a little slower than what the original video was so sometimes it just makes things look a little smoother. don't change it too much though, just going from 0.3 to 0.2 is enough!

just to show, here’s the difference between 0.03 and 0.02

(0.03)

(0.02)

export just like you had before by saving for web and that’s it! you’re done! you’ve made a gif! i hope this was a good enough run through of the process because i feel like i definitely didn’t explain some things the best or i maybe skipped over some things, so if there’s any confusion please don’t hesitate to message me! i hoped you enjoyed reading either way :)

[himikiyo]

emotional wreck (i think you like me like that) // himikiyo week day 2

Himikiyo Week Day 2: Healing + Hurting

“And who decided that? A respected scientific body, I would hope.” They didn’t sound quite so somber anymore. Himiko could even see a hint of a smile on their face, lipstick a little smudged at the edges. The tension in their muscles seemed to have lessened too — they were leaning against her easier, letting her support them.

"Well, basically. I decided.”

Recovery involves both good days and bad days. Korekiyo and Himiko are together through them all.

Read on AO3 or under the cut

When she went to fetch some nail polish remover from the bathroom, she found Korekiyo laying on the floor. Perhaps more concerning than that in and of itself was the fact that it didn't strike Himiko as that weird. Compared to some of the other everyday chaos they dealt with around the house, it almost seemed normal. Unremarkable.

"Um, what are you doing?" she asked, arms crossed as she leaned against the doorframe. She might have really been worried if it wasn't for the fact that they were clearly conscious, watching her from behind a messy curtain of hair. One arm was tucked beneath their head, cushioning it from the cold tile. At first, she got no response but a heavy sigh, as if the answer was painfully obvious. She continued the wordless conversation with a raised eyebrow — 'really, tell me.'

"Laying on the floor," they said dryly, only when it became clear that she wasn't going to leave. "Is there a problem with that?" Their voice dripped with sarcasm, bordering on derision. Anyone else would probably give into frustration and leave. Himiko herself probably would too if they were anyone else. Instead, she just exhaled in a soft sigh of her own. It took a lot to provoke Kiyo into being so snippy, and that was doubly true when it was her. It was all the information she needed to know that it was a Bad Day.

"No, no problem," she replied, calm as could be. "It'd be kinda gross if Kirumi didn't live here though. No one else mops this floor." Underneath their mask, she could see their lips curling into a grimace as they considered that. Not much of a reaction, but she'd consider it a victory for now. Never mind the fact that she was a total hypocrite who was known to lay on the bathroom floor now and then herself. Right now she was playing the role of concerned girlfriend.

"Seems like you have a problem though," she continued gently. Stepping the rest of the way into the room, she sat down on the floor beside them.

"I don't. I'm fine."

"Why don't I believe that?" She reached in and smoothed some of the hair out of their face, fingertips lingering against their soft skin.

"Because you've learned to become annoyingly persistent." A smile now, the secret, reluctant kind that only she could decipher. They reached out their free arm to rest a hand on her thigh, thumb rubbing gentle circles into it.

"Mhm, because I'm the Kiyo whisperer. I know all your secrets, all your habits. And also, fine people usually don't lay in the bathroom, so it wasn't too hard to figure out. Now c'mon, what's wrong?" she asked softly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's nothing you need to worry about. Just...her bothering me again." They closed their eyes for a moment, mentally arguing against something she couldn't hear. She hated that she couldn't do more to help. She could fight back against their sister when she directed her malice outward, but when she was nothing but a voice in their head, what could Himiko do other than support them? The cruelest part was the impossibility of knowing whether she was ever even real. Was this an echo of old trauma from the real world, or just lies Team Danganronpa implanted?

In the end, it didn't make much of a difference. They were suffering either way. Still, the not knowing bothered her, and she suspected it bothered them too. If it was real, there would be more of a justification for still hurting so much, in their mind. False memories should be easier to just get over. She hated recognizing that similarity, the way they both felt so ashamed of any weakness.

"Wish I could kill her again for you," she mumbled, resting her hand atop theirs on her thigh. Their fingers laced together, the soft, fraying edges of their bandages soft against her skin. They were unraveling a little, like Kiyo had started to take them off and then changed their mind.

"You're sweet, but I'm not sure how much that would help anyway. The memories would still be there."

"What would help then? Anything you want me to do?" Gently, she added, "Anything is possible with magic. There's no limits to what I can do."

Silence fell over the room. She waited, in no hurry to hear their answer. In the meantime, she could listen to the sound of their breathing, watch as they curled a little closer to her. Her eyes traveled to their shoulder, where their sleeve was beginning to slip down. A thin scar coiled down from beneath their mask, one of far too many. That was another mystery. If their backstory from the killing game wasn't real, it was anyone's guess where most of their scars were from.

"Want me to redo these?" she asked eventually when no answer came. She tugged gently at their bandages to indicate what she was talking about. It took another moment or two, but they nodded.

"I was going to, but I just couldn't bring myself to take them off." It was a testament to their close relationship that they didn't add on some kind of self-deprecating comment about knowing it was ridiculous or absurd. The scars on their arms and hands made them more self-conscious than almost anything else, and they were near-constantly cold too.

"C'mon then," she said, pulling them up into a sitting position. Then, wrinkling up her nose, she ran a hand through their hair. "You've got a cobweb."

"Wh—" They pouted, picking at their bandages. "There was not a cobweb in my hair."

"There totally was. What else would you expect from the bathroom floor?" She snickered, kissing their forehead, the bridge of their nose, the corner of the zipper covering their lips. "Don't worry though, I got it out."

"Are you certain?"

"Yeah, I promise. Do you want me to brush it just to be sure? It's kind of a mess now from laying there anyway." She got up to fetch their hairbrush, not uttering a single complaint about it being tiresome. Kiyo was always an exception, the one person she'd happily do anything for. Taking care of them was easier than taking care of herself. They started to thank her when she took a seat on the floor behind them, but she just shook her head, leaning in to kiss their cheek.

"It's not a problem. Means I have an excuse to run my hands through your pretty hair." Still peeking over at their face, she grinned when she saw the beginnings of a blush forming. Hairbrush still held in one hand, the other gently tugged their mask down, brushing a kiss over their lips. "Pretty hair for a pretty girlfriend."

When she pulled back and started to run the brush through their hair, they didn't pull their mask back up. It was just the two of them anyway, so maybe it was only a small step, but it was something. On their worst days, they didn't take it off even for her.

“Pretty girlfriend, huh?” they mumbled eventually, still leaning into her. “Is that so?” She kept brushing through their hair, careful to avoid snagging any knots or tangles. There didn’t appear to be any other cobwebs either, something she’d be happy to inform them of.

“Yeah, obviously.” She swept their hair out of the way just long enough to kiss the back of their neck, delighting in the shiver that ran through them. “The prettiest. Not even magic would be enough to change that. No one could ever hope to match you.”

“And who decided that? A respected scientific body, I would hope.” They didn’t sound quite so somber anymore. Himiko could even see a hint of a smile on their face, lipstick a little smudged at the edges. The tension in their muscles seemed to have lessened too — they were leaning against her easier, letting her support them.

“Well, basically. I decided.”

"I think that might be a conflict of interest, don't you? Perhaps some bias on the part of the researcher?"

"Maybe, but that doesn't make it any less true." She'd finished brushing their hair by now, restoring it to its usual pristine, silky glory. The brush was set aside, and she draped her arms around them, hugging them from behind. Her chin leaned against their shoulder, perfect for whispering little compliments to them.

"I wouldn't be so sure. There's some competition for the title."

Her heart twisted, pained to know that they were still struggling to bring their mood back up after their sister's hateful comments. Himiko was prepared to argue the point with them, first word already halfway out when they continued.

"I think the prettiest girlfriend is sitting right behind me, actually," they said, and her sadness morphed into soft affection. "Don't you agree, my dear?"

She giggled and hugged them tighter, just closing her eyes for a moment.

"Mm, you're sweet. And your hair is cobweb-free." That elicited a quiet groan, Kiyo evidently pained at the mere reminder that that had ever not been the case. "So should we go sit somewhere more comfortable? Kokichi's totally gonna make fun of you if he finds us like this," she teased gently.

"Yes, let's."

They helped her to her feet after getting up themself, fixing her with a thoughtful expression. Then, with a sense of playfulness that had been utterly absent before, they scooped her up in their arms. A delighted little squeal escaped her throat. Being carried around by her girlfriend was always a nice treat, even if it was just down the hall. Best of all, it meant she was doing a good job of cheering them up.

She still had to help them change their bandages, but that could wait until later. Once Kiyo deposited her on their shared bed, she was far more preoccupied with tugging them down on top of her and lavishing them with kisses.

Maybe they could even do each other's nails. She never did get that nail polish remover from the bathroom.

[rustdream]

Hecc yea I saw @promisedangel‘s roleswap au for AHIT  

and I just really like it sooo I wanted to make some ideas for it! Part 1 of I don’t know how many maybe like 2?? Anyways tho they be under the cut

General: Mustache Kid uses small bombs with varied abilities, and requires different powders to create them(as Hat Kid’s hats required yarn to forge).

Hat Girl’s future was caused because a child claiming to be there in the name of justice had set forth a series of events that led to the unwinding of reality itself. When she was sent back in time, she had believed that it was Mustache Kid that commenced these events and as such, set forth to undo everything she did. However, this caused an alternate bad future where she becomes a dictator. After the events of the Base Game, she can be found in a nice hut on the islands near Mafia Town pondering what to do now.

Once Hat Girl was sent backwards, she isn’t able to get back. This was because it was believed that when she fixed the timeline, there would be no need for her to go back in time, thus causing her to be brought back by a strange paradox. Since she wasn’t brought back, she’s trying to figure out what this means.

While Mustache Kid is for reckless justice and generally has a childish view on the matter, Hat Girl wishes to instill rules and laws to prevent these things from occurring, and has a very mature view on it, even if it borders on tyrannical. They are two sides of the same coin, and when pulled to their extremes, both can be very bad.

Hat Girl is from an organization where they go to different realities and times to fix potential catastrophes and paradoxes. She was hired particularly because she’s small enough to be nimble and has the ability to double jump. Keep in mind that they only interfere if it meant certain doom for the universe, or if it was an acopolyase scenario.

The kid that causes the calamity? They haven’t arrived in this timeline yet.

Mafia Town, or called Calico Isles: The Mafia are actually referred to as “Wrong Wallies” by CC and her fans. This is due to how she portrays them in her cooking show. While the Mafia can cook extremely well, they are blackmailed/threatened into intentionally cooking terribly in her show, so that her food looks wonderful in comparison. The person that gets this role a lot is their leader, who’s actual name IS Wallace. This usually happens in the beginning of the episode, where she states the dish she’ll be ‘preparing’(it’s actually cooked by the Mafia’s leader, for an extra dosage of irony), before the Mafia come in with extremely exaggerated accents about how they made the better dish whilst showing the intentionally terrible meal.  There are many cats on this island! Though most of them are cats you won’t see elsewhere (sphinxes, grey cats, etc), though some of the Nyakuza cats are there as well. As you can tell, all of them are fans of CC and her show, and tend to bully the Wallies when they see them. Now granted, it’s more of a passive aggressive kind that Mustache Kid can break with words.  After Mustache Kid vows to help the Wallies revolt against their feline threat, the food stalls are usable as a mechanic. Before, they would simply be dialogue events with comedic bad food, meant to be a reverse advertisement of CC’s show (and food line) by saying, “This man’s food is bad, but mine is great”. However, after this level, the Wallies will open up a secret business, where they will give her extremely tasty food that gives her a status boost (admittedly with pons involved). Kinda like the Nyakuza food stalls, but with fancy well-made meals instead of normal fast food.

There are advertisements everywhere, usually making fun of the Wallies(and eventually Mustache Kid) and portraying herself as an homely mother being wrongly insulted by immature unskilled sore losers.

Cooking Cat can be quite dangerous in battle, which is how she was able to threaten the Wallies in the first place.

She retains her homely country bumkin nature, although she is a lot more condescending and willing to play dirty.

Battle of the Birds:

The C.A.W Agents are still relatively the same, and are even involved in some of the Injustices Mustache Kid has to fix. Whether it’s in their favor or not varies greatly, as some of them take bribes.

DJ Peck actually has some musicals! They are generally more upbeat, and involve cliché but extremely fun stories.

Mustache Kid has a variety of movies to star in;

On DJ Peck’s end, there’s a good ol’ western, where she has to save her ‘brother’(actually an Owl doing a bad kid voice) from a gang of hungry eagles who want to use him as a ransom for her ‘dad’(a cardboard cutout). And then ya got, of course, the musical I was talking about! These are levels that go to the beat, and usually involve some snazzy tricks whilst dodging obstacles to the beat.

Conductor Grooves end has a drama, where Mustache Kid has to help a struggling dancer out of retirement in this heart warming film(mostly tasks involving helping said dancer). And a romance, where instead of being a main character, she is a side character who’s goal is to rig a series of events in order to match make a working joe who wishes to achieve his dream of groovy beats, and a celebrity dancer who’s come to the lesser city.

Co-op + Deathwish

Bow Kid and Timmy are of course, swapped! But in different ways; Bow Kid is scrapped! Joking, there’s actually gonna be a weird idea I’ll mention her in later, but for now Timmy Time!

Timmy is now Cap Chap, and has a rustic chimney sweep-esque feel to him, as he was one of the extremely few people who had survived Subcon Forest’s hostile take over by the Matriarch. He had kept himself hidden away from everyone around him, as he was terrified that he would be hung and burned for not listening to weird strict rules. However, when seeing Mustache Kid correct the wrong injustices that the Matriarch had committed, he was inspired to help. So mustering up all his courage, he had helped correct one of the biggest injustices that she had brought on. The Prince. He had taken advantage of her busyness (fixing all the damage Mustache Kid did and all) to help the Prince escape from the mansion (though it caused the poor boy to get burned badly) to Mustache Kid’s spaceship. He helps Mustache Kid out in both fixing her spaceship as well as with the ‘Death Wishes’ of this AU.

Cap Chap is an inventor! He was the assistant of a skilled mechanic in the Subcon Kingdom before everything got burned down and all.

Mustache Kid finds Cap Chap whilst he is fixing one of the computers in her ship, which beforehand was simply a running gag with it not searching the right results, or outright messing up the ship! He rambles to her about how he’s a fan, and about the whole story of he and Prince’s escape.

Now, the Death Wish in this AU is not started by the Matriarch. Mainly because she wouldn’t want to waste her time with a supposedly violent person, humoring her impulsive behavior. Plus, she has a kingdom to fix the damages of after all. Instead, it’s the Prince, who had finally snuck out (with Cap Chap’s helps as well as MU having wreaking the barriers when she had visited him Mid-game) He can be found after every chapter is complete, after interacting with Cap Chap. He hides in the pillow pool in MU’s room, reading some of the law books that she had stored on her bed. Upon interacting with him, he panics and begs for her not to alert the Matriarch that he’s on the spaceship. After reassuring him, he tells her about a bunch of fun games that they can play together, because they’re such wonderful best friends. Instead of intentionally dangerous contracts, they are actually games Cap Chap, MU, and Prince play together. The reason why they are dangerous is because he doesn’t understand how they can endanger the two kids, since it’s been literally years since he’s been out of the mansion interacting with people, as well as his occasional tantrums when he believes that the two are going to backstab him or when he becomes upset.

Of course, there are prizes! Hand made by the Prince, with an almost obsessive amount of effort put into them. From costumes to plush weapons.

Many of the Death Wish Levels are actually the three of them playing pretend/board games, with MU’s imagination involved.

   Yeeeeaah I might add more but for right now, this is enough

[parkerparts]

My Work is Loving the World

Harley Keener lives alone in Tony Stark’s cabin by the lake. He fills his days with bot-building, AI-coding, garden-tending, and absolutely no spider-killing. It’s fun, sure, but he’s terribly lonely. That all changes when he comes across a red and blue spider in his garden, and to make matters even better, the little fella can understand him.

Truly, it’s a testament to Harley’s sanity — or lack thereof — that he doesn’t run away screaming. Instead, he smiles softly and holds out his hand. “Well then, Peter. Want to come stay with me in the house for a little while? I’m real lonely up there and could use the company.”

The spider Peter doesn’t bother spelling out a response. He just jumps into Harley’s hands, ready to go with him to the ends of the earth.

“Well then,” Harley says again, if only to fill the silence between himself and the nonverbal creature. “Here we go.”

(parkner, 2.6k, no warnings except for fluff and a lil sad boi harley, inspired by this prompt by @offbrand-celestial, title from mary oliver’s ‘the messenger,’ beta’d by the lovely @midorimireio-blog)

Read on AO3 or Keep Reading Below

When he was nine years old, Harley read that killing spiders in a beer brewery was practically illegal. His garage might not be a brewery — though admittedly, he had made moonshine in there once or twice on a whim with a friend or as a dare — but he still outlawed the killing of spiders.

“Why?” his Ma had asked, stepping into the place to bring him a dinner plate. She frowned at the expanse of cobwebs Harley empathetically embraced.

“They’re cool creatures,” he said with a shrug, mouth full with a bite cornbread. “Ain’t done nothing wrong to me, so I don’t see no point in killin’ them things.”

Twelve years later, not a thing has changed. He lives in Georgia now, in the lakeside cabin Tony and Pepper keep as their getaway house. They visit more often as Morgan gets older, needing a break from whatever mess they handle up in the city to spend time as a family — Harley and the other Keeners included. Harley’s Ma lives in New York, has some swanky job in one of Pepper’s departments, but Abbie’s in Georgia with Harley, attending Emory University. Harley, at Tony’s insistence, had finished high school before moving out, though he refused to go to college. He liked living here, alone most of the time except for when Abbie visited from her dorm on holidays and the Starks and his Ma came down every couple of months. He could do as he pleased, tinkering and inventing and regularly blowing things up. He was terribly happy in that cabin by the lake.

He was also terribly lonely.

Sure, he had his cars and his bots and his trusty AI C.I.R.C.E, but they weren’t the same as human connection, something he infallibly yearned for. Some days, when the self-imposed isolation was too much to bear, he’d drive half an hour into the city of Atlanta, stay a night in a hotel, find a bar, and dance the night away with a faceless guy or two before sleeping alone, buzzed but not drunk and temporarily satisfied.

Most days though, he’d just swallow down the loneliness, bury himself in work or bury himself in blankets. It was all the same to him anyway — a hazy blur of sunrises and sunsets and meals he may or may not have eaten, chores he may or may not have finished. The pile of dirty clothes is a testament to that last one, and he spends three days in an engineering binge to create Landry, the bot who lovingly does his laundry for him when he can hardly be bothered to get out of bed.

Some memories in this hazy blur stick out more sharply than others, and they all revolve around the garden.

It had been started by Pepper as a vegetable garden. When its care fell into Harley’s hands, he had lovingly invested in it, throwing as much hard work and passion into it as he did his engineering. Over the years it has grown into a veritable maze — though not an actual hedge maze, which would have been unimaginably pretentious in Harley’s eyes, and much too orderly. He grew nearly every fruit, vegetable, and flower the Georgia climate would allow and spent hours engineering bots to take care of it.

And, just as in the old garage back in Rose Hill, he had a strict no spider-killing rule.

Harley wakes up, sprawled sideways in a chair on the porch. The sun is high in the sky, and a glance at his phone indicates that it’s well past noon. Even then, Harley shivers, the spring air not yet warm enough for his liking. Half a day wasted, though really, Harley muses as he goes inside, he was up all night combing through his AI’s code, so it’s not like he actually wasted time. Just daylight.

“Mornin’ C.I.R.C.E,” he greets his AI, yawning. “How we feeling?”

“Like brand new, after last night’s check-up.”

“Good, good,” he murmurs, rifling through his dresser. At long last he finds a pair of clean jeans, holding them up with a triumphant grin. “C.I.R.C.E., wake Kof-E up for me, will ya? And send Landry in here. She’s been slacking off her duties.”

“You got it, partner.” Tony had been downright scandalized when he heard Harley’s AI’s country twang. Abbie had laughed about the look on his face for days. Harley smiles at the memory as he goes back out into the kitchen, freshly dressed but with his hair as unkempt as ever. His beloved robot Kof-E whirs from his place on the kitchen counter, wheeling closer as Harley approaches to present a cup of coffee. Harley takes it and pats the robot’s head. He heads outside again, slipping on his boots and a flannel as he makes his way to the garden.

He grabs an apple from the trees that line the border of the garden as he walks through, pausing to greet his robots — Go-G and Gerald — by name as they trundle along. Soon he reaches a small clearing by the lake under the shade of an oak tree that’s sure to be over a hundred years old. Here, Harley takes a seat, finishing his apple and tucking and core into a bag in his pocket that he’ll put in composting later.

A flash of light catches his eye, and he stands, moving closer to the source. There, in between the branches of the tree, is a spider web that — if Harley’s not hallucinating — spells out HI.

“Howdy,” Harley says out loud in response, feeling only a little stupid. “Where are you?”

As if it can understand him, a spider skittles out of the shadows of the branches. Harley bends closer to take a look, surprised by the vibrancy of the peculiar red and blue creature.

“Can you understand me?” Harley asks.

He only has to wait a moment before the spider has spun a new pattern, spelling YES.

“You got a name, fella?”

The response takes a little longer this time as the spider spells out PETER.

Truly, it’s a testament to Harley’s sanity — or lack thereof — that he doesn’t run away screaming. Instead, he smiles softly and holds out his hand. “Well then, Peter. Want to come stay with me in the house for a little while? I’m real lonely up there and could use the company.”

The spider Peter doesn’t bother spelling out a response. He just jumps into Harley’s hands, ready to go with him to the ends of the earth.

“Well then,” Harley says again, if only to fill the silence between himself and the nonverbal creature. “Here we go.”

Over the next few days, Harley and Peter figure out how to live together comfortably. All of Harley’s robots are programmed to recognize and avoid spiders and spider webs, so Peter’s safety isn’t much of a concern. Communication, however, is.

They start out with an old-fashioned chalkboard with basic responses, needs, and the alphabet written out for Peter to indicate by crawling on. With that taken care of, Harley sets off on his next engineering binge, with the goal in mind to create a robot that will allow Peter to move and speak.

He begins by programming a new AI called PETER — Personal Equipment for Telecommunications and Electronic Replies because Harley loves is acronyms as much as Tony does — and gives him the voice of a teenage boy or young adult.

If Abbie or his Ma were here to witness this bout of insanity, they’d call him out for his poorly concealed loneliness. Nonetheless, he is alone and shamelessly gives in to his fantasy of finding a best friend, even if that best friend is a spider.

And really, Peter’s not too shabby of a best friend to have. He likes bacon and waffles — really, the fact that this spider liked human foods should have been a glaring clue to Harley that something truly weird was going on — and makes Harley regain a somewhat normal sleeping schedule by wrapping webs gently around his wrists to make him stop working late at night and somehow — Harley has never figured this one out — getting C.I.R.C.E. to play rock music loudly every morning to rouse him awake. He also gets C.I.R.C.E. to wake Kof-E up every morning though, so Harley can’t complain too much. Peter accompanies Harley in the lab, webbing tools over with surprising strength and giving as much input as he can with his limited communication abilities. He accompanies Harley into the garden every evening and listens as Harley speaks, asking questions every now and then with his little chalkboard. Harley can’t wait to build his robot, ready to hear Peter tell him a story of his own.

At long last, after two weeks of work, Harley finishes the robot, affectionately nicknamed “Capslock P.E.T.E.R.,” with Peter’s approval. He guides the spider into the clear container that serves as Capslock P.E.T.E.R.’s head before stepping back with bated breath to watch his genius play out.

“Hiya, Harley,” Peter/P.E.T.E.R. says, and Harley is nearly moved to tears. “I’m Peter.”

“I know,” Harley replies with a breathless laugh. “It’s nice to meet you, Peter.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Peter replies, voice full of emotion that Harley had no idea an AI was capable of producing.

That evening, they go out to the garden, back to the clearing where they first technically met. Peter greets the garden robots as he trundles by, voice adorably becoming more enthusiastic as the robots chirp back. Harley just smiles fondly at the spider inside the robot, quietly regretting his failure to give Capslock P.E.T.E.R. a face, if only to see him smile back.

“I think it’s your turn to tell me a story,” Harley says, settling by the lake. P.E.T.E.R. rolls to a stop beside him.

“Okay,” he says. “Well, here it goes.”

Peter had once been Peter Benjamin Parker, a bright, young science nerd living in New York City with his aunt. He worked as an intern for Tony Stark, who found the boy after heavy surveillance of a masked vigilante who liked to web muggers up in a sticky, fluid substance of his own invention. “Spider-Man,” the media called him, though Tony preferred “Spider-Boy.”

Then, in a tragic twist of irony, Peter was actually bitten by a spider and somehow become a spider himself.

“Mr. Stark was beside himself. The whole thing was so bizarre, and he couldn’t figure it out. Dr. Banner thought it was radiation, but he attributes most unexplainable phenomena to radiation,” Peter explains.

Eventually, a wizard doctor guy Tony reluctantly called in a favor with figured it out. Harley wants to interrupt and ask what exactly he had figured it out, but Peter glosses over it and presses on. Apparently, Tony had been telling Harley’s Ma the story and she, remembering Harley’s affinity for spiders, had suggested that Tony send Peter down to Harley’s place. They wanted it to be a secret or for him to figure it out on his own or something, so they discreetly packaged Peter in the latest care package/equipment shipment they had sent down from New York.

“That was nearly a week before I found you!” Harley cries out, remembering.

Peter reminds him that “You had an engineering binge,” and Harley blushes, unapologetic.

Together, they sit in silence for a moment as Harley digests the story, which really was something straight out of a comic book. Then a thought occurs to him and he says, “Hey, what did that wizard doctor figure out?”

“Oh,” Peter says with poorly feigned surprise, as if he hadn’t wanted Harley to remember that little detail he left out. “Yeah, he figured out a cure.”

“There’s a cure?” Harley turns to face Capslock P.E.T.E.R. with excitement. “Peter, why didn’t you so? We have to fix this! Tell me, what can I do?”

Peter is quiet for a moment, and Harley begins to wonder if he’s said something wrong. “See, this curse or whatever is magic. And the only cure is a kiss. A true love’s kiss.”

Harley’s mind goes blank. True love?

Harley doesn’t believe in true love. He doesn’t buy into the whole soulmate idea. He moved out to a cabin in the middle of the woods with a heavily encrypted, unlisted address, condemning himself to a solitary lifestyle. He’s lonely, sure, but he likes it. He likes his space, his bots, his AI …

And Peter. He really, really likes Peter.

In the past couple of weeks, Peter has become an integral part of Harley’s life as his trusted companion and caretaker. He’s listened to all of Harley’s stories, and Harley wants nothing more than to hear all of Peter’s, get to know the boy beneath the arachnid body. As he thinks about it more, Harley can’t imagine a life without Peter in it, and maybe Peter’s not his true love — not yet, at least — but it’s worth a shot.

“Well then,” Harley says tentatively. “What are we waiting for?”

With shaking hands, he frees Peter from Capslock P.E.T.E.R.’s containment, smiling as the red and blue spider jumps eagerly into his hands. Harley raises his palm to his face, closes his eyes, and before he can think any more about it, he kisses the creature.

Immediately, Harley can feel the ripple of magic course through Peter’s body. The creature in his hands morphs until he’s cupping not a spider but the soft cheek of a boy whose lips are pressed gently against Harley’s. He opens his eyes at long last and pulls away, unable to contain a gasp at the sight of the boy-turned-spider-turned-boy-again, whom he’s come to love.

Peter wears what looks like a spandex suit, though it’s probably some fancy Stark tech, red and blue with black webbing all over it and a black spider emblem emblazoned on his chest. Harley assumes that the mask Peter mentioned is missing, but he’s glad for the fact as he drinks in Peter’s rosy cheeks and amber eyes and tousled brown curls that make Harley’s heart ache with yearning.

“Hi,” Peter says nervously in his own voice, not Capslock P.E.T.E.R.’s.

“Thank God you came back wearing clothes, because that would’ve made for a real awkward situation.” Harley wants to take back his words — which he hadn’t actually meant to say aloud, for goodness’s sake — as soon as he sees Peter’s eyes widen, but when the boy lets out a bark of surprised laughter, Harley relaxes, joining in. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that.”

“It’s okay. The first time I met Mrs. Potts, I ran into her — literally — and tried to say either ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘Nice to meet you’ but ended up blurting out ‘I’m sorry to meet you,’ instead. I just ran away. It was so embarrassing!”

Harley can’t help but to laugh again, leaning his head on Peter’s shoulder. Peter leans his head on top of his. They sit there together, in the clearing by the lake, where it all began, feeling completely at peace with the world and each other and their state of being.

“Thank you,” Harley says suddenly, grabbing hold of Peter’s hand.

“What for?”

“The efflorescence of love,” Harley replies, “and the gossamer that holds us together.”

Peter says nothing at that, just squeezes Harley’s hand tighter. Together, they watch the sunset, witness the way the world changes colors.

The world might be forever changing, but at the heart of it all sat two boys by a lake with the knowledge that through it all, they’d have each other.

And it would be enough.

“I died, and was born in the spring; / I found you, and loved you, again.”

— Mary Oliver, “Hummingbirds”

[sorrelstream]

entering “proper grammar” mode because I’m writing this on a google docs first and I don’t want to deal with all those ugly squiggles ahdfsdfds…

But!! Here’s the fully answered Ailuornymy question list, as requested by anon :D! More below the cut!

Favourite canon warrior name?

Hmm… let’s see… Honestly? Probably Silverstream! I don’t think we get many -stream suffixes anymore and there’s something soooo pretty about her name and the way it flows !!

Least favourite canon warrior name?

Snowbush. There’s something so clunky about the way this dude’s name reads in my head and I don’t know why!!! Also Harrybrook >:(

Warrior you’d most like to rename?

Harrybrook. I just!! It doesn’t sound nice at all please give him a better name :( Best name-change name? One-eye! I’m not sure if she asked for her name change or not, but I’ll admit “One-eye” is a pretty baller sounding name and I love that. Also Deadfoot has a cool name too (though I wish he had asked for that name change rather than saddled with it :/)!

Favourite canon character overall?

 Mousewhisker and Hazeltail! They’re two unimportant side characters that don’t really do anything ever but man do I love them with my whole heart <3!

Least favourite canon character overall? 

Thistleclaw and Crowfeather. I’ve talked about why I don’t like either of them a lot before so to keep it short they both make me incredibly uncomfortable nor do I enjoy reading about them at all.

Favourite Warriors book? 

The Darkest Hour! It was my first Warriors book that I read from the main series (Sasha's manga was the first Warriors book in general and how I got into Warriors), and MAN does it still stick with me! So many scenes from that book are just iconic. 

Least favourite Warriors book? 

Anything from Dawn Of The Clans honestly :'). I tried so many times to get into reading that arc and I never could get into it -- it just bored me any time I tried. Same for AVoS, eh.

Favourite canon scene or dialogue of all time? 

Such a random scene but there’s a scene I think about all the time from Power Of Three where Lionpaw has a nightmare about Hollypaw, and she just playfully (? ominously?) says “I’m going to get you” while hidden in the shadows before turning into a fox and attacking him. I think about it SO much…...

Favourite canon leader of all time? 

Crookedstar, followed closely by Tallstar! I love them…. 

Character you think deserved better? 

SO, SO MANY. IT’S UNREAL. Hollyleaf didn’t deserve to get killed off the VERY NEXT BOOK after she came back to ThunderClan, Snowkit didn’t deserve to get killed off just to push Speckletail into the nursery, Nightcloud didn’t deserve… literally anything she got both in canon and how the authors and fandom demonized her, Honeyfern…. Silverstream… the list goes on really :’/

Character you’d like to see “morally” flipped (made “bad” or made “good”)?

Leopardstar, kinda?? But not like. Morally flipped? I guess? I just mean I wish they had gone more into her redemption arc and why she allied herself with Tigerstar besides just “oh she was in love with him”. So it’s not that I wish she was morally flipped, but I wish they went more into her morality because she’s soo vague as it is (and, frankly, maybe I’m biased because I like her but I would’ve loved to see her overcome her initial prejudice or perhaps work for forgiveness for her Clan - perhaps her alliance with Tigerstar was out of worry for the entirety of her Clan since she saw him as the strongest cat and not just… because she “loved” him). Same for Breezepelt, honestly! They kept dancing between “he’s a troubled son of a negligent/abusive father” and “he’s evil :)” and personally? As a child of a negligent father who also abandoned me, it would’ve been way more … I’m not sure WHAT the word I’m looking for is but I think Breezepelt’s story would’ve been better if they focused on making him a troubled teen of a negligent, bad father and actually embraced Crowfeather being an antagonist in PO3 instead of not wanting to make him look bad. It’s just weird the erins flip flop between “this character is evil” and “this character is ok” so much it’s FRUSTRATING :/

Favourite AU (alternate universe) concept? 

Answered here! 

Warrior code rule you think is best?

Always help a kitten in need, no matter their heritage! I know that’s not the exact wording but anyways. Perhaps I’m biased because I, in general, don’t like reading about child death (I know it happens and I can handle it in some plots but sometimes it’s just so excessive), but in general I think it’s one of the best and genuinely helpful code laws, especially because kittens always deserve a chance at life. I think the second best rule would be the one that states a warrior does not need to kill to win a battle, because I think that adds a lot more depth (potentially) to how warriors value the lives of others and creates a bigger scene? scandal? when someone is killed in battle versus dying of wounds later on. It also, again, keeps the youngsters like apprentices safe!

Warrior code rule you think shouldn’t exist/should be changed?

If you know me, you won’t be surprised because it’s the same answer as always: the leader’s word is law. I’ve spoken a lot about that code before and even have a comic about its flaws, so I won’t go into it too much here, but I just think it’s a recipe for disaster.

Describe your ideal vision of Starclan/clan afterlife.

Hmmm let’s see… my ideal vision of StarClan/clan afterlife would be a little bit like what it’s like in canon at the moment but with a few twists. I think the borders would dissolve in StarClan so there’d be less in-fighting (though I imagine, after growing up your whole life hating your neighbors, a lot of cats have a hard time getting used to the no-boundary life-style of StarClan, and a lot of young/new spirits tend to stick within their own Clan cliques before venturing out and meeting former members of other Clans. Older spirits would be the ones most used to interacting with former members of other Clans). I think there’d be sections that mimic the corporeal Clan’s territories in theme, but with different landmarks and such so that new spirits have a new world to explore. I’d also take away the fading aspect because I don’t really think that’s… fair? I guess? It’s weird to me but I’d prefer not to go into it. I’d also make it so that there’s no great wisdom to these cats - or, at least, the wiser StarClan spirits are the ones that have been around for as long as anyone can remember. They wouldn’t be able to interfere with the living as much in canon and can only really visit medicine cats, or possibly leaders, in dreams; anyone else has to go to the sacred area to commune with the dead. Not sure what else though! This is just kind of a general idea.

Traditional or non-traditional naming. Thoughts?

I think both have their merits! While I prefer traditional naming systems because I enjoy seeing the way people develop suffix meanings and assign well-known meanings to them (and even connotations!), plus it helps me personally assign even the smallest trait to a side character so they feel just a little more real, I see why people would enjoy non-traditional naming systems as it does give more breathing room for individual name creation. Also, I’m not gonna lie, there’s some gorgeous lyrical names out there that flow beautifully. My heart will always belong to traditional naming, though, I think. 

If traditional: What non-traditional suffix would you include in your system? If non-traditional: What’s your favourite canon suffix?

Traditional! I actually have included some non-traditional suffixes in my system, just for variety! But those are: -throat, -pool, -belly, -fern, -bee, -berry, -chirp, and -tooth, for example. There’s actually quite a few more but I don’t wanna list every single addition shfbd!

Best thing about the clan system as a concept in your opinion?

Hard to pick, honestly! But I do think the best thing about clans as a system is their unity; they’re a little society that has each other’s backs, and the care for young and elderly a lot is touching!

Favourite Warriors fanfiction (or fanfiction writer)?

HA this might be an obvious answer, but 100% solacefruit on ao3 (also: @/ailuronymy and @/burnt-sycamore on tumblr!). His worldbuilding is to die for and there’s something so charming and attention grabbing about his writing style that always has me waiting for the next update. Seriously, probably one of my biggest writer inspirations. 

Favourite Warriors fanartist (includes animators)?

Answered here!

Most interesting villain?

Mapleshade and Sol, honestly. I’ve rambled about Mapleshade before, I think, but I think her story could have had a lot of potential to call out the misogyny and bias of StarClan and the code, and how mollies are often punished harsher than the toms for their code-breaking. Her story also features how weird the warriors are with the warrior code - it’s like they cherry pick what they want to believe? Oakstar sends three innocent kittens out of the Clan, presumably to die (which they do), despite the code speaking to never endanger a kitten’s life no matter their heritage, and no one ever questions him, or the rest of ThunderClan, for standing by to watch kittens die? Even Frecklewish outright stated she watched the kittens die and did nothing about it. Why? Why was everyone okay with punishing Mapleshade for breaking a rule of the code but no one questioned Oakstar or anyone else in ThunderClan for kicking out the kits alongside Mapleshade, when it was Mapleshade’s crime and not the kits? And why doesn’t Appledusk get punished or ostracized by his clanmates as severely as Mapleshade did? It had a lot of potential but it’s just a mess. Anyways - onto Sol. Another interesting concept kinda messed up by the Erins. In general, I really love villains that are just nuisances at best and no real threat - kind of like Heinz Doofenshmirtz - and with Sol’s backstory being the way it was, he was the perfect opportunity to have him be this little antagonistic shithead who, while annoying and causing problems, wasn’t actually a serious threat, and he of all villains would have had the best shot at redemption I think.

Favourite canon clan?

RiverClan! I love their aesthetic, their territory, and their general vibes. In love with water-based places <3!!

What would you ask Erin Hunter, if you could?

“Would you hand the series off to a new team of writers?” All good series must come to an end, but with Warriors being as broad as it is, I think this is a series where spin offs can be made and still thrive - just not with the current author staff we have at the moment. There’s lots of people with amazing, creative ideas for Warriors, and I know this is just a fantasy at best, but I would love to see a new writing team take over and weave brand new stories and worldbuilding with it in spin-offs. Hell, even I’d love to take a crack at publishing a Warriors spin off, but, again, it’s a fantasy at best.

Top five prefixes (canon or otherwise)?

Sorrel-, Chub-, Mink-, Rose-, and Vervain- (you can tell I like these prefixes considering these are all prefixes of characters featured in my webcomic besides Sorrel-, which is used for my wcsona’s name ha!) Honorable mentions to: Black- (or any color based prefix like Yellow-, Red-, Ginger-, Blue-, Gray-, White-, etc. I don’t know why but I’m fond of them), Beetle-, and Fidget- (which isn’t a traditional prefix, but I think it’s cute hehe.)

Top five suffixes (canon or otherwise)?

Just narrowing down for traditional because I need a smaller pool to pick from habdfsd but! -face, -flower, -stripe, -storm and -nose! 

If you were on Drunk Warriors Rants, what would you talk about?

I have no idea what Drunk Warriors Rants is actually but I’m assuming it’s something where you get drunk and rant about warrior cats so… I would absolutely rant about Hollyleaf and mainly the wild mischaracterization the fandom has made of her break down and the murder of Ashfur. It irks me to no end how so many people have pushed this weird concept that Hollyleaf was aware her parents were Crowfeather and Leafpool when she murdered Ashfur to the point that most people I talk to genuinely don’t realize this, because not only does it just make so sense narratively but I feel like it really does take away from the depth that is her character. I think Hollyleaf is one of the few characters we get, like, an actual depth to, who is developed beyond “typical protagonist with love interest”, and has an interesting arc, downfall, and redemption. When she killed Ashfur, she was totally unaware that Leafpool and Crowfeather were her parents - in fact, the entirety of Sunrise is about Hollyleaf, Jayfeather, and Lionblaze trying to figure out who their parents are, so I honestly don’t know where this whole “Hollyleaf knew about her heritage when she killed Ashfur” thing came from. It really ruins her arc by making her out to be some nonsense cat who killed to keep a secret she spilled anyways, and not a cat who killed to keep a secret she didn’t fully understand yet, who then completely unraveled once she discovered the origins and how her existence completely went against everything she was raised to believe in.

What would your warrior name be?

Pretty obvious answer but my warrior name would be Sorrelstream! Or possibly Sorrelstripe, but I lean towards Sorrelstream. I love to swim a lot actually but I wouldn’t say I’m a particularly strong or skilled swimmer but hey… It’s my warriors sona and I get to give him one (1) skill.

Bonus questions:

Describe your favourite original Warriors characters! 

HONESTLY this question is a little tough because I have such a huuuge cast of original warrior characters it’s hard to narrow down! I’d say if you’re interested in hearing more about my ocs or seeing them in action to check out my @/roseface blog, which is dedicated to my wc comic, or check out my ao3 account (kiittenteeth) because I’ll probably be posting warriors-centric original character stories there soon!

Describe your original Warriors clans! 

Heyyy fun fact! I’m actually working on a small novel fanfic (only about ten chapters long) featuring my fanclans! They’re a group of four Clans set in an abandoned gated neighborhood/area - FernClan (located in the local abandoned mall), PondClan (located in the abandoned golf course), GleamClan (located in the local abandoned restaurant/diner), and FieldClan (located in the abandoned K-12 academy school). I won’t go too much into them here since I want to explore their worldbuilding in my fic, but keep an eye out for them when I drop the first chapter of Ribs! 

Talk about your feelings about the Warriors series! 

Oh man. A lot. The series itself is… disappointing, at best, but I’m awfully attached to it no matter how many times I try to break away from it. It was my biggest media interest growing up (keyword: media), so it’s a pretty big part of me and the way I grew up. Plus I met a good chunk of my friends through warrior cats related areas, so :’)!!! It’s a series that despite all its flaws is incredibly close to me but I’m mainly here to read everyone’s fan content because MAN does the fan content go above and beyond!

(Asked by @/whocares-idont) What’s your opinion on fan made Clan pantheons? 

I LOOVE fan made Clan pantheons actually! Mythology was always something I loved learning about as a kid, and I’m particularly fond of the worldbuilding people make for the Warriors setting. I feel like creating a pantheon and mythos tied to it adds to the depth of the world and makes it all the more interesting and realistic, especially since mythology is such a huge part of so many cultures, both ancient and modern one. I think creating pantheons really adds to the setting people make with warriors, and, honestly, they’re always really fun to read about!!

[gofordrakgo]

Dwelling Chapter Nine

“She was just… bored. She was bored. Something she hadn’t had the chance to be in years. For a moment she impatiently tapped her foot against the floor, as if somehow that would make something happen. As if it would make Drew come back faster to entertain her. She nearly slapped herself for that. What was wrong with her? She didn’t need him. She didn’t need anyone.”

Dwelling Summary

Dwelling Chapter One

Dwelling Chapter Eight

Dwelling Chapter Ten

The first thing Shea heard when she, not yet fully conscious, began sitting up the next morning was Drew saying, “I’m sorry. I was trying not to wake you.”

She blinked and glanced exhaustedly around the room, finally spying him standing in the kitchen. “Whatever,” she grunted, rubbing at her eyes with one balled-up fist. “What time is it?”

“Quarter to eight. Want some?” he asked. She had to squint, her vision clouded by sleep, to see him holding up a piece of toast. 

She shrugged. “Sure.” Her back popped pleasantly as she stood and stretched her arms up over her head. “Surprised you didn’t start crying and wake me up in the middle of the night.” 

He shot a quick glare in her direction, before turning his attention to the toaster. “Give me some credit, Shea. I am an adult after all.”

“Tell that to the version of you that screamed and fell off the couch last night.”

Apparently, he’d elected to ignore her. “Do you want jelly?” 

“Sure.” She stifled a yawn, a little surprised she didn’t feel more awkward about the previous nights’ couch sharing. 

“You know,” Drew began, as he slathered strawberry jelly onto her piece of toast, “the more I think about it the more I think there must be something wrong with you that makes you enjoy watching movies like that.”

She hopped onto the counter and scoffed. “Yeah, it’s called not being a baby.”

“Or you’re crazy,” he said, passing the toast over to her.

“Wonder what that means for you.”

Shea watched as his face paled considerably in almost a singular instant. “Nygh— anyways.”

“It’s anyway,” she corrected.

“What?”

“There’s no ‘s’,” she explained, though not without a hint of mockery. “It’s anyway, not anyways.” 

He rolled his eyes at her lecture and sighed out, “Yes, sure, fine. Anyway, what are you planning to do while I’m gone?”

She shrugged again. “Don’t know. I might snoop through your stuff. Steal your TV and run?”

“Shea!” Drew sputtered. “You… you’re not really going to, right?”

“I’d have to be really dumb to leave now,” she scoffed. “I’ll wait until after I get you to buy me clothes, at least.” He whined her name again and after a moment of staring blankly at his distressed expression, she snickered. “Relax. I’ve got books, can watch some TV… I will probably snoop around your room though.”

“Don’t be such a pest.”

“I’m kidding.”

“You’d better be,” he warned, pointing a finger in her face. “There’s nothing even worth snooping for.”

“Well, now you’re just trying to tempt me.”

“I am not!”

Shea finished the last bite of her toast as he stammered out his protests then shoved his shoulder to shut him up. “Don’t give yourself a stroke there, sport. Shouldn’t you be going?”

Drew glanced at the clock, let out a strangled sort of sound, and hurried out of the kitchen, disappearing into his bedroom only to return a moment later haphazardly shoving books into a backpack.

As he rushed out the door he glanced at her, still swinging her legs on top of the counter, and called back, “You will be fine on your own, yeah?”

She nodded at him, and said with a false sort of innocence, “Don’t worry, Drew. I’m a big girl. I can handle being on my own for a lil bit.”

“Okay,” he said, “um… good? Bye.” And then the door slammed shut, and he was gone, and she was, for the first time in days, well and truly alone. 

She’d gotten used to the feeling of being alone in Go Tower - so she’d thought. But knowing it was unlikely that someone would burst in to demand she stopped what she was doing and go save the city from whatever gimmicky moron was trying to take over that day felt… different. She realized, staring at the cabinets on the other side of Drew’s kitchen, that she wasn’t at all used to the feeling of being alone. Not without the added feeling of being watched. For the first time in longer than she could properly remember she could do something she wasn’t meant to and actually get away with it. How weird.

She finally hopped off the counter, and with that thought in mind, made a beeline for Drew’s room. As long as she didn’t mess anything up, he’d never know. She could just go into his room and he wouldn’t even know. She had already twisted the knob halfway when she paused. Sure, maybe he wouldn’t know, but she would. Part of her insisted that she open his door, not even to go in, just to prove that she could do something she wasn’t meant to and get away with it. A moment later she found herself wandering back to go sit on the couch. Drew’s bedroom door remained unopened. 

She breezed through the rest of the book she’d been reading the day before. To her surprise, less than an hour had passed since Drew left. She sighed and fell to her back on the couch. None of the other books appealed to her at the moment, which worried her. She’d never… not wanted to read before. She loathed the idea that she’d enjoyed reading so much during the last few years because, in large part, it had been rebellious. Or maybe because the threat that at any moment she’d be forced to stop had encouraged her to read as fast and as often as possible. She forced herself to sit back up when she noticed she was nibbling on her lip - a habit she’d thought she’d killed long ago. She told herself how ridiculous she was being. She’d loved reading since she was little! Way before the comet! She was just… bored. She was bored. Something she hadn’t had the chance to be in years.

For a moment she impatiently tapped her foot against the floor, as if somehow that would make something happen. As if it would make Drew come back faster to entertain her. She nearly slapped herself for that. What was wrong with her? She didn’t need him. She didn’t need anyone. She shouldn’t even be… but she wanted to be there. She really did. She wasn’t gonna walk out. And she wasn’t actually going to steal his television either, as fun as it was to tell him she would. 

She snapped up the remote and was met with the still rolling credits from the previous nights’ movie. She groaned and stood to fiddle with the television set until she managed to get it off the VCR and onto live TV. 

And then she almost blasted Drew’s television to bits. Her heart raced in her chest, as picture after picture of her - well, pictures of Shego - flashed on the screen. Occasionally the images were joined by the scrolling headline announcing the superheroine had gone missing. She tasted bile rising in her throat as the channel nine newscasters began discussing her “kidnapping”. 

She knew it. She knew it! She knew they’d say she’d been kidnapped or something equally ridiculous. And she didn’t even care. She really didn’t. Except… she still couldn’t help worrying about what would happen to Drew. Maybe she really should go. It’s not like he’d miss her or anything. She certainly wouldn’t… yeah, okay. She had to roll her eyes at herself for that thought. She would so miss him but only cause he was actually nice to her. She didn’t like him or anything. She didn’t even really know that much about him. 

Well, she knew he was a baby and a dork. She knew he could cook, and started because he didn’t like his mother’s cooking. She knew he was dyslexic - she knew he was dyslexic when supposedly nobody else did. Did that mean something? It had to. What it meant, she couldn’t work out quite so easily. 

Shea buried her head in her hands. Soon enough, if they weren’t already, someone would start looking for her. She didn’t even know for sure how far from Go City she’d actually gotten. She hadn’t left the city since they first moved into Go Tower, none of them had. The places that existed on the outskirts of Team Go’s protection were deemed not worth knowing about, and she struggled to even think of names of the bordering towns. If she was just a town or two over, it probably wouldn’t take that long for someone to think to search the area. Then again, Go City was pretty big, and her parents probably didn’t know enough about her to realize that she would leave. Maybe… maybe it would take a while. Maybe they would give up before they even thought of searching this run-down city - wherever it was. 

Biting her tongue to stop herself from cursing out the newscasters, she changed channels. After five more channels talking about her disappearance, all of which seemed to have different theories about what happened to her, she finally managed to find a channel that wasn’t talking about her. Instead, she found reruns of some old cartoon, Scamper and Bitey. She’d never been much for the show when she was young, but she found some low-level relief in watching the exaggerated cat-and-mouse violence. It didn’t distract her from her worries, but it made thinking about it easier than the litany of “kidnapped”, “victim”, and “hope to find her soon” had.

She decided, as the cat - she didn’t know if it was Scamper or Bitey - slammed face-first into a painted brick wall, that she could at least warn Drew that people might be looking for her. She didn’t have to tell him why, necessarily, she just had to tell him.

“Oh yeah,” she muttered to herself. “Cause saying, ‘hey Drew, by the way, people are probably going to look for me and you might get accused of kidnapping’ is totally not something that’s gonna get me kicked out.” 

It took several deep breaths to get her glowing hands under control, after which she turned the TV off, slid her sneakers on and stuffed her keys in her pocket. She needed fresh air, and she needed it now. She made sure to lock the door behind her, then hurried down the steps and outside the building. The promise that she would have clothes soon enough had her brisk walk turning into a run before she’d even reached the end of the road.

Running through Go City had always been interesting - given the fact that she wasn’t actually allowed to. She really wondered how her parents hadn’t realized that attempting to lock her in her room would only lead to her getting out. It’s how she’d gotten out every time. It seemed counterintuitive to give your children spy training, then expect them to stay locked up when there were windows and air vents to sneak out of. Then again, Heath and Merrick had never tried to sneak out, as far as she was aware. And the twins were too young to realize that they shouldn’t have to live the way they did. They were too young to even realize that it wasn’t a good way to be living in the first place. 

It wasn’t like her parents weren’t aware that she snuck out. They yelled at her every time they found out. Once her father had even threatened to send her back to the lab. That had been just before she’d tried to burn up her plasma. Maybe, Shea figured, they’d thought she’d come back. She had every other time. But this hadn’t been just sneaking out to get a new book. And the fight with her parents hadn’t just been an argument. And she wouldn’t be going back, no matter who they sent after her. 

There was one thing that had been better about running through Go City that didn’t happen in… whatever this place was. She really needed to ask Drew. At least in Go City she knew where she was going. She kept trying to pick out landmarks to keep an eye out for when she turned around, but everything she saw slipped out of her mind before she properly registered any of it. Rather, they were pushed out by thoughts that matched pace with her while she ran. 

She stopped, pulling in labored breaths, when she realized she didn’t even remember what Drew’s building was called to ask for directions if she ended up needing them. Glancing around at the boarded-up windows and half-demolished buildings she figured she might not actually want to ask anybody around for directions in the first place. When sirens started up in the distance she started to panic. If there was some sort of monetary award for the person who found her a place as obviously as poor as this would be filled with people desperate enough to turn her in. With nothing left but instinct to rely on, she turned and booked it back to where she thought she came from. Suddenly, the people she hadn’t noticed before seemed to be everywhere, pointing at her, whispering, all of them rushing for phones to call the cops, or worse her, her parents. 

She figured out the way back to the apartment faster than she’d expected and she didn’t stop running until the door was securely locked behind her. The sirens still rang in her ears, even though she’d sprinted some five or six miles. For the first time in a long time she was more than a little grateful for superhuman abilities. 

With her back pressed against the door, she scanned Drew’s apartment for any sign of life outside of herself. Seeing nothing she allowed herself to sink down to her knees, trying to calm her breathing and wiping sweat from her eyes. A glimpse at the clock showed her she still had three more hours until Drew got back. She wondered if meeting him at the bus stop would be weird, then decided it would be. Besides, she had no idea which stop he’d even get off at. 

Her legs trembling with a combination of nerves and overexertion, she climbed to her feet. She grabbed the towel from her bedroom and shuffled into the bathroom. Putting her jeans and t-shirt from the other day back on didn’t appeal to her, but it was better than her, well, Drews, sweat-damp gym shorts and Mighty Martian shirt. She was in and out of the shower before it had even begun to get warm. 

The one good thing about her fading nerves was that throwing herself into the world of a novel was almost shockingly easy after her earlier struggle. She wanted nothing to do with anything on the television, or thoughts about what would happen to her… or Drew… when she was eventually found. Because believing it wouldn’t happen was ridiculous. So, she let the world slip away. Doing so came very close to proving to be a mistake when Drew came back. The opening door startled her so much that she nearly blasted him.

He either didn’t care about, or just didn’t notice, her glowing hands because he greeted her with a dopey grin and, “I see you didn’t steal my television.”

“Not yet,” she responded, quickly shoving her hands behind her. 

Dropping his bag on the counter with a heavy thud, he rolled his eyes. “Still might?”

“I told you I was at least going to wait until after you bought me clothes.”

“Oh, right. Speaking of, when do you want to go?”

“Whenever.” She didn’t want to go back out at all, actually. Not now. Not when she knew for sure that people were looking for her. Not when she knew it wouldn’t be safe for Drew. She could handle herself. She didn’t know how much she wanted to risk not being able to handle him, too. 

“Not a helpful answer, but alright,” he yawned and fell into the chair. “Get up to anything exciting while I was gone?”

“Not really,” she lied. Then, gulping, she decided she needed to just spit it out. “My parents are claiming I was kidnapped.”

To her surprise, he just chuckled, slumped lazily into the chair, and propped his feet up on the corner of the table. “Worried?” He spared her a quick glance before his eyes drifted shut behind his glasses

She stared at his relaxed posture, wondering if he understood the implications of what she’d said. “Not for me… The worst they can do to me is drag me back home,” she added before she could think to stop herself. 

“So, we’ll be sure to get you a sweatshirt or something.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Your skin color is gonna be the only thing people really remember. Cover your arms and you’re pretty much in the clear.”

She wasn’t so sure she agreed, but something about his strange, carefree attitude was rubbing off on her. “Yeah, well—just—I’m only telling you so you know you don’t get to blame me when the cops try and say you did it.” 

“I didn’t actually kidnap you. I’m just… harboring a fugitive. Besides, cops have always gone after innocent people, what difference does it make?” 

Something told her there was a story behind his evident distrust of cops, but she didn’t question it. He was a college student, he probably got accused of being high when he wasn’t or something else equally dumb and petty. She didn’t have it in her to point out that whatever it was probably didn’t come close to what being accused of kidnapping a superhero would - not in small part because confessing that she was a superhero was something she still hoped to avoid doing. 

“Okay, then, just… whatever, I guess.” That had been… easier than she’d expected. She tried not to let that worry her. “When do you normally get groceries?” “Whenever.” Drew yawned again. “Though I guess with the extra stops… and I still have to do work... Eh, just… Half an hour and we leave.”

She scoffed quietly to herself as he somehow managed to contort his body into the singular most uncomfortable looking position she had ever been forced to witness. His face went slack, and while Shea didn’t trust that to mean he was actually asleep she decided to not bother him for now - only because she’d figured she would have been kicked out the second the idea of being accused of kidnapping was presented. She figured she at least owed him half an hour of peace for letting her stay after that. 

While his quiet snores filled the room, Shea realized she’d never eaten lunch, which she decided was to blame for the pit in her stomach, rather than any semblance of nerves - or worse - butterflies. Snooping through his fridge she found nothing particularly desirable, and she found herself munching on an apple out of habit. She’d have to ask Drew to add strawberries to the shopping list. 

The second half an hour passed, she decided it was high time she went back to bothering him. She almost chucked the apple core at the back of his head to wake him up, but forced herself to throw it in the trash can instead. She tried calling his name but, except for a slight twitch, he didn’t stir. That, she decided, gave her every right to move behind him and start tipping the, surprisingly light, chair backward. 

Drew woke up only as his feet lifted off the table. He made a noise somewhere between a shout and a squeak and flailed so violently that she came close to actually dropping him. She rapidly pushed the chair back up, and before he could turn around she leapt onto the counter and began innocently bouncing a plasma ball between her palms. 

“What did you do that for?” He demanded, gasping for air. Her gaze drifted lazily back towards him, where he glared at her over the back of the chair. 

“Do what?” She caught the blob of plasma and extinguished it in a fist. 

“Why—didn’t—nngh!”

“Have a bad dream or something?”

“No! Nn—gah! Nevermind.

“I’m hungry,” Shea said, surprised to find it was true. She’d just eaten an apple, a fairly typical meal for her, she didn’t normally feel hungry. She shrugged it off, figuring sprinting several miles must have burned some calories. “Can we go now?” 

Drew rubbed at his eyes, still glaring disgruntledly at her. “Fine,” he mumbled and all but slid out of the chair. “I ‘ave to get my wallet.”

As he ambled to his bedroom she hopped off the counter and slid her sneakers on, making a mental note to buy socks while they were out. Drew joined her at the door a moment later looking more awake than he had when he left the room. 

“Ready?” He asked, tossing his keys into the air and failing to catch them by nearly a foot. They fell to the floor with a jingle. The tips of his ears turned pink as his eyes met hers, and he hurriedly bent down to pick them up. 

“Are you?” She quipped, mussing with his hair that had gotten messed up during his catnap. She quickly snatched her hand back when she realized what she was doing. His hair was still soft.

The flush spread down his face as he straightened up. His brief attempts to smooth his hair back down did little to help, but before he could hurry off into the bathroom to fix it she grabbed onto his sleeve and reminded him that she was hungry. He started to stammer out a complaint before he sighed, tried again to smooth his hair back down, then opened the door and gestured for her to go before him with a mocking bow. She forced herself not to laugh at his antics as she stepped out past him. He snatched the shopping list from where it was pinned to the corkboard next to the door and followed her down the steps. 

“Can we get strawberries?” Shea asked, trying to ignore the way her legs burned. She really should have stretched after sprinting so far. 

“I thought you didn’t care what I bought,” he teased. 

“I didn’t. Now I want strawberries.”

Before Drew could respond the slimeball creep that had asked him to share her the first night spoke up. “Damn kid, twice in one week? That desperate, Lipsky?” 

“She’s sixteen!” Drew sputtered, wrapping a hand around her arm, startling her enough that the plasma starting to flare up in her hands burnt out. The creep laughed, an even more mucusy sound than his voice, but whatever he said afterward was drowned out by the closing door. 

“I hate that guy,” Drew spat as they reached the end of the sidewalk. He looked significantly angrier than he had when she teased him about library girl the day before. “He’s such—just… he’s—"

“A slimeball?” Shea provided her name for him. 

“Yes, exactly,” he laughed. “A slimeball.”

“Is he always like that?”

“He’s always a jerk if that’s what you mean. I—I’m sorry he’s so—"

“It happens,” Shea dismissed, unconsciously rubbing the almost completely faded bruises on her thigh. Maybe she was a little too used to creeps. 

“Come on, the store is just a few minutes this way.” Drew led her across the street, his hand still wrapped loosely around her arm. The pressure was strangely comforting. 

“You can let go of me now,” she blurted. Not that she wanted him to. But it would only make things worse if anyone who recognized her saw him looking as though he were dragging her around. 

“What?” He glanced at her, then seemed surprised to see his hand was still on her arm. “Oh, right. Sorry.” His fingers drifted down past her elbow, leaving tingles on her skin as he let her go. “I’d rather not break you, anyway.”

“Break me?” Shea scoffed, genuinely shocked. She felt her eyes going wide as she stared up at him. 

“Yes!” Drew insisted. “You’re just so—" he jabbed a finger into her shoulder. “I mean, do you eat?”

“You’ve seen me eat!”

“Did you eat lunch today?”

“I ate!”

“What did you eat?”

“An apple,” she told him. While her mother would have been thrilled with that answer somehow telling Drew felt more like a confession. 

“That’s not lunch, Shea!” He protested. He actually seemed concerned. It was almost comforting in the same way his protective hand on her arm has been almost comforting. It still felt nice to have someone act protective over her. “That’s a snack, at best!” And a little embarrassing. She could handle herself. 

She crossed her arms, glaring down at the sidewalk as she shuffled along next to him. “Yeah, well, I forgot, okay?” How could he think she was too skinny? Not that she cared what some dork thought of her. Her parents were always breathing down her neck about how much food she ate. If they knew what foods Drew had given her over the last few days - let alone how much - she’d swear her father would have a stroke. 

“Well, you’re eating something else before I make dinner. It’s not healthy to go without eating.”

“I didn’t go without eating,” she grumbled pointedly. 

“You might as well have.”

“You know, I was wrong that first night.”

Drew blinked at her before pointing towards a building that looked only slightly more pristine than the surrounding buildings. “In here. And about what?”

Shea followed him into the grocery store, glancing around at the other people inside. She absently noticed herself stepping closer to him as if somehow being near him would mean people wouldn’t notice her skin color and recognize her as the allegedly kidnapped superhero. 

“About you being like a mom.” She watched his beady eyes roll behind his glasses as he snatched up a cart. Before he could say anything she skipped up next to him again and elaborated, “You’re more like a grandmother.”

“Nngh! Zip it, pest. This way, come on.” She followed him through the store, trying and failing to stop herself from anxiously shifting her gaze from person to person. 

“You didn’t protest, which means you know I’m right,” she teased. When he didn’t spare her a response she kept going. “So, were you born old, or did you decide at some point in your life that you wanted to be a grandmother?”

He let out a frustrated cry, shooting a glare towards her.“Why must you be so—" He froze mid-sentence, a giddy grin taking over his face before he excitedly exclaimed, “Oh! They have the brand I like again! They were out of it last week!” She watched him as he damn near jumped over the shopping cart to throw the glass refrigerator door open and haul out a gallon jug of chocolate milk.

“Somehow you’re both a grandmother and a toddler, Drew.”

“I should get two just in case they’re out next week,” Drew mused, entirely ignoring her mocking. 

“You’ve got to be kidding. First of all, one of those is bound to go bad,” she pointed out, jerking him away from the fridge by his arm -in part to stop him from grabbing a second jug, and in part to force him to pay attention to her. “Second of all, I’d really like to wear something other than this,” she gestured towards her presentable but uncomfortably unwashed outfit, “and your dork shirts.”

“But cocoa moo,” Drew practically whimpered, reaching a hand towards the door. 

“You said—"

“I know, but one extra gallon won’t set me back too much. Come on, Shea, plea—" She plucked a grape from the bag in the cart, and flung it at Drew’s head. He spluttered for a moment before glaring at her. “Do you think that makes me less tempted to buy a second gallon?”

“You buy a second gallon and I’m gonna keep hitting you with these.” She pelted Drew with a second grape and popped a third in her mouth. The urge she’d felt earlier that morning to break a rule and do something like sneak into Drew’s room subsided slightly as she chewed. Even if he was going to pay for the grapes, it was sort of like breaking a rule.

“Don’t be so—" The third grape she hit him with knocked his glasses slightly askew, and the fourth burst against his head, juice dripping into his ear and down the side of his neck. He let out a strangled series of sounds as he fixed his glasses and wiped the juice off his skin. “Fine, fine,” he relented as she readied a fifth grape. “I’ll buy one, just stop that!”

She grinned wickedly at him, as he continued grumbling about the grape juice in his ear. “Well,” she reprimanded airly, “if you hadn’t gone and grabbed a bag of the mushiest grapes to have ever existed maybe they wouldn’t pop so easily.”

He shot her a squinty-eyed glare. “They’re less expensive than the other brands!”

“So what?” 

“So, that dollar off is the difference between being able to afford food and clothes for you, or not,” Drew explained, snatching the grape from her hand a moment before she could toss it into her mouth.

“Oh,” she mumbled sheepishly, scuffing her sneaker against the cheap mustard-yellow tiles. “Right. Um… sorry.”

A strange look flitted across his face, and he let out a thoughtful sort of hum, examining the grape for what seemed like several seconds too long before finally eating it. “Although…  maybe we should get an extra thing of grapes,” he murmured wistfully.

[raendown]

Pairing: MadaraTobirama Word count: 4537 Chapter: 4/9 Rated: T+ Summary: When his brother disappears coming home from town Madara goes looking for him only for both to end up taken prisoner in a castle hidden by magic generations ago. The candelabras talk, the furniture sleeps, and a great white beast hides himself away in the eastern wing. As he uncovers the story behind this place and gets to know the last small group of ‘survivors’ Madara gradually makes a new home here in the least likely of places.

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Chapter 4

Living outside of time was strange. Intellectually Madara knew that when he left the village it had been the rainy season and there was no reason to expect snow for several more months, later than the year before if the almanac was to be believed. Knowing that, it should have felt so much more odd to stand in the open doorway of the castle and stare out across snow covered grounds that looked closer to the heart of winter than the middle of autumn. He wondered for a moment if being bound to this place made him just a little more connected to the magic and therefore a little less surprised by things but cast that idea away rather quickly. That wasn’t what he wanted to dwell on today.

He’d gotten himself all nicely dressed in a pair of sturdy boots Hashirama dug up for him and one of the thick coats hanging in the room he shared with Izuna. The plan had been to walk around the edge of the grounds and see how far his binding would allow him to stray but now that he was here he felt almost exhausted just thinking about the effort.

Considering the lack of moving time Madara couldn’t be sure how long he’d been standing there in indecision when movement caught his eye and he turned his head to watch the beast himself come around the corner. Despite telling Kagami just a few days before that he didn’t mind if the damn thing roamed his own castle the meeting was still so unexpected Madara froze and could do nothing but stare until he was spotted in return, the creature pausing between one long step and the next. He met glowing red eyes and, incredibly, he first thought was ‘he looks sad’.

Whatever the beast’s thoughts were it seemed pretty obvious they had nothing to do with whether or not Madara looked sad. More than anything he looked like he was contemplating which spire to climb so he could throw himself off of it, though that might have been an effect of the deep brows his twisted face was cursed with, something Madara hoped had not been there when his face had been human – ostensibly. His mane of white hair shifted around him as it was pulled by the gentle wind and the slight movement made it a little easier to distinguish his shape from the equally white snow behind him. It was possible that his coloring was an effect of the curse. Considering what Madara had seen in that portrait, though, he would guess not.

“Finally came out of hiding?” he called, partly to break the silence and partly because he just didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut sometimes. He wasn’t surprised to see the creature frown.

“If my efforts towards making you more comfortable are so unappreciated I would be more than glad to forego them in the future.”

“Oh don’t be a grumpy idiot now,” Madara snapped. “You did enough of that the last two times I saw you. I think we both know at this point that you’re not going to eat my fingers for an afternoon snack so stop pretending.”

The creature snorted, blowing out a puff of steam in the chilly air around them. He stomped one of his hooves without really seeming to notice and settled in to a more natural stance than staying paused between steps had left him in. Madara considered him for a moment and then turned away to look around them with deliberate nonchalance. With his gaze focused a little closer to himself than the far distance he could see tracks his eyes must have passed over before, evidence that his present company had been out here for quite some time with the way they started in one direction and seemed to loop all the way around the building to where the beast was now coming from the opposite side.

“Been out here for a while huh?”

“An old habit from when I first began testing the boundaries of my imprisonment.”

Madara blinked. He really hadn’t expected them both to be out here doing the same thing. Without thinking about it he asked, “How far can we go?”

Even more surprisingly, he got an answer.

“To the west our borders reach just beyond the gardens. Our northern wall marks the edge in that direction. To the south we are granted some two miles of forest trails behind the stables and to the east we may alight on the shore beyond the lake but no farther.” The creature shook his head. “You will know you have reached the edge when you find yourself turning back against your own will.”

“Oh. I kind of thought it would be painful or something. Like a shock or a burn maybe.” Madara fought the urge to scratch at the back of his head awkwardly, feeling a little stupid for automatically assuming that.

“We suffer enough by being here,” was the only answer he got.

Feeling even more awkward now, Madara shifted his weight and half turned back towards the inside of the castle. “Right. I guess I don’t really need to go explore for myself now then. Waste of time. Look, like I said to the others, this is your home. So if you want to walk around or something don’t worry about bothering my brother and me. You don’t even have to talk to us or anything if you don’t want to.”

“That is unexpectedly kind of you.”

“Not really. Its common manners. I do understand those, you know. Except right now I’m going to ignore manners and go back inside so I’ll see you around maybe…uh…” Madara faltered when he realized he was about to call the thing ‘Beast’ as an actual title, something that might really have gotten him eaten.

It took a moment but the creature eventually seemed to realize the cause of his hesitation and narrowed red eyes in to a glare. “My name is Tobirama.”

Unable to decide how he wanted to deal with the revelation of knowing the monster’s name, Madara stumbled over a few half sentences which might have been strung together as a goodbye of some sort and fled back indoors. He hurried all the way up to the room where he was grateful to find Izuna missing. Today being a rare day when he felt well enough to move about on his own, Izuna had gone down to eat breakfast in the kitchen for once and actually socialize with their animated hosts. Madara was grateful not to be questioned as he removed all of his unused winter wear and proceeded to stomp circles around the beautiful carpet until his heart stopped racing inside of his chest.

He had spoken to his own jailor. Worse than that he hadn’t actually hated speaking to the thing. Or Tobirama, as was apparently the name he should have been using. Having a name for the twisted face did strange things to his mind and Madara realized that he was immediately thinking of Tobirama as more human just for being able to stop referring to him as ‘the beast’ or ‘the creature’. With a name instead of a scary title he no longer had over-exaggerated images come to mind of foot long teeth or hands so big they could crush his entire head in one fist. The reality of Tobirama was that he was half of a twisted monster, yes, but that the other half of him remained pathetically and painfully human. And Madara wasn’t sure what to do with that.

As had become his first instinct lately, he thought about going to talk to Hashirama about it. Surely one who had been here since before this whole mess started would have a few helpful insights. Then he thought the better of it and considered going over things with Izuna instead. His brother knew him better than anyone in the world, after all, and it might have been more helpful to talk to someone who would understand his reactions to everything. He was still undecided when he stepped out of the room and nearly leapt out of his skin at the squeaky panicked voice under his feet.

“Do not step upon me!” When he was able to see through the fright Madara looked down to find little Kagami scrambling out from underneath the path of his footsteps.

“What are you doing?” he demanded. “I almost squashed you like a bug!”

“I am so very sorry!”

Realizing he was still holding one foot up in the air, Madara set it down out of the way and shook his head. “You should be a little more careful about where you walk. He looks harmless but I’m pretty sure Hashirama would light me on fire in my sleep if I actually hurt you in any way.”

“He might weep for a very long time but I am certain Hashirama could never hurt you. The one you would really have to look out for is sensei!” Seeing him fall in to a more natural stance, Kagami hurried over and began scaling the seam on his pant leg, using folds as handholds until he was able to swing over and climb up to sit on Madara's shoulder uninvited.

“Comfortable?” Madara asked him dryly.

Kagami beamed. “Yes! Sensei is so tall I often get dizzy riding upon his heights. It is pleasing to see the Uchiha line has kept its traditional stature!”

“You know, you’re a kid and you still talk fancier than I do. I can’t decide if it’s just years of exposure without aging or if kids from your time really were just overly educated. Wait. In all the time I’ve been here I don’t think either of us has ever mentioned our last name. How did you know we’re Uchiha?” It was a legitimate question he thought. There had been a couple of occasions when they maybe should have given their family name to be polite but Madara had held back in the beginning because he didn’t want to be followed if he somehow escaped and then later there had been no reason to think about it anymore.

So it was weird to him that Kagami would know this without being told and he thought he was well within his rights to question it. He was quite surprised to see the little soldier looking back at him as though it was odd to have his knowledge questioned.

“How could I not recognize another of the Uchiha family? The hair alone is distinctive enough but the jaw and the nose too, it is as like as looking in a mirror!”

“You’re…an Uchiha?”

“Of course!”

“There are more of us!?”

Kagami blinked. “Are there none left?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“Not that I know of. Our parents never mentioned having any other relatives anywhere. We used to have three other siblings but none of them lived much past puberty. As far as I know it’s just us. And…you?” Madara tried to wrap his head around how long the family tree would have to be to connect him and the little boy on his shoulder who was somehow both younger and older than himself.

“There used to be dozens of Uchiha in this city. Before the sickness came our family was one of the most prominent, sworn to serve the royal line, and even I was already being groomed to stay away from potential brides who might not be good enough to marry in to our bloodline. When the Sannin Tsunade removed us from memory there would have been more than a dozen Uchiha left in the city. I thought they would have had children.” He hung his wooden head in sorrow and Madara looked away.

He’d known that the people inside the castle were stopped in time and that they had been watching each other fall in to permanent slumber one by one for years but it had never occurred to him that they might have had ties with people outside the magic as well, that they would have been forced to come to terms with the inevitable death of their missing loved ones. In a way he could almost relate.

“It’s not actually a city anymore,” he corrected, not sure how to keep the subject from getting any darker. “Where we live it’s just a village, barely even that really.”

“The peoples must have left when they could no longer remember what kept them there.” Kagami shifted and tugged at his own tin soldier hat thoughtfully.

“Hold on…”

When his face suddenly dropped the boy on his shoulder went as tense as a boy made of metal could. “What is it? Have I done wrong?”

“No I just…is that what happened to the other brothers?” He almost regretted his words when Kagami’s face fell.

“The two other royal brothers? Yes, that is what happened to them.” The boy sighed despondently. “Itama-sama and Kawarama-sama. Unfortunately they were both away from home when the magic was cast. As the youngest brothers they were expected to join the cavalry and they happened to be leading an official inspection of each border unit when the Great Sannin removed us from time; we can only assume they lived out the rest of their lives never knowing the family they were missing.”

“At least they had each other?” Madara tried.

“Oh yes! That is a very kind way to look at it! Thank you, cousin!”

That brought him up short again. Kagami shifted around and began to braid three tiny strands of his hair together while Madara worked his way through being addressed as cousin when he knew for sure the relationship would be wildly more complicated than that. After a few seconds he decided it wasn’t worth hashing out and finally changed the subject entirely.

“Did you need something? Or were you just wandering around the upper halls looking for something to do?”

“Indeed! I came to ask if you would please speak with my sensei,” Kagami said. “He has been most reluctant to come out of his rooms even after you said you didn’t mind and I was hoping you might tell him so again.”

Madara gave him a dubious look. He’d already said his piece; it wasn’t up to him to make sure the man of the house knew he was allowed to walk around in his own home. Especially not if that man was an honest to god King. Besides that, he had only just seen the creature that morning and had his entire world turned upside down just by learning its name so he wasn’t exactly in a big hurry to go and buddy up for a good conversation at the moment.

Spinning on his heel, Madara cupped the little toy on his shoulder so he wouldn’t fall off and carried both of them back in to his bedroom, crossing over to flop down on the bench where they could both see through the window. As he’d suspected, the view from here looked out over the gardens where Tobirama had managed to wander around and was currently pacing his way between rows of hedges. Kagami left off his braiding and clambered down Madara's arm to press both hands against the cold pane. He looked down at his sensei with painted lips turned down in a sad expression.

“I just saw him,” Madara explained. “I was going to figure out how big this gilded cage really is but I ran in to him at the entrance and he told me how far we can go in every direction. Then I kind of insulted him and left.”

“You insulted him?”

“Well I didn’t mean to! Do you know that no one hads ever bothered to mention his name until now? I didn’t know what to call him and I, er, I almost called him ‘beast’ right to his face.” He screwed up his face when Kagami turned to look at him, shocked. “I know! I know!”

“That must have truly hurt sensei’s feelings.”

Casting his gaze out the window at the forlorn figure wandering through the snow alone, Madara grunted. “Suppose I’ll have to make it up to him or whatever. That’s his whole thing right? The curse? Hashirama said that he saw himself as a monster for what he did during the plague so the witch lady cursed him to look like one. I wouldn’t want to be reminded of that either.”

“If only sensei would stop thinking that way things could go back to how they were,” Kagami said.

Still watching the slow steps and the way the wind pulled carelessly at Tobirama’s wild hair, it took a few seconds for Madara's brain to catch up with that. “What does that mean?”

“That is how sensei could end the curse if only he believed what we all know. The Lady Tsunade told him that if he could look in to a mirror and see himself as a human then all would be as it should. I think that is why he hides himself away. Not because he cannot look at himself but because he cannot look in to the eyes of everyone he believes he has let down by extending this shadow of a life. And the more years pass the more he believes he was right all along, that he has always been a monster.” Kagami let his words trail away in time with his stiff fingers sliding down the pane of glass and Madara finally realized why the odd story-telling cadence of the boy’s speech felt so out of place.

“You’re still trying to get me to go talk to him, aren’t you?”

“Sensei is lonely!” Kagami wailed, turning to fall against his arm and wrap around it with all four limbs. “It has been years since he met anyone new, I beg of you to spend a little time in his presence and help him to see that he is not a monster no matter what face he wears!”

Already frowning, Madara let the crease between his brows deepen a little. “Manipulation is not your strong suit, tiny soldier boy.”

“Does that mean that you will do it?”

“Shut up.”

Izuna returned shortly after that and their conversation turned to other things, mostly introducing his brother to the idea that they were somehow very distantly related to the only child left in the castle. In the end all three of them collectively decided that addressing each other as cousins was probably the easiest way to go.

For a few days after Madara was able to distract Kagami away from the subject whenever it came up, not quite ready to do as he knew he eventually would. His hesitance wasn’t so much out of any desire to stay farther away from his captor but rather it was born out of his utter lack of any idea what to say. How was he meant to convince Tobirama that he was still human inside when Madara himself saw little of that left in him? Of the few times he’d met the other he had seen only anger and a deep abiding sadness. Human qualities for sure but were they enough? Was that all there was to him?

At a certain point he couldn’t avoid it anymore – and Kagami realized he was being put off, which ended in him moping adorably in a corner for an hour, leaving Madara to explain to the others what he had agreed to do. He left the room to seek out the lord of the castle more to escape Hashirama's fire-hazard attempts of an enthusiastic hug than anything else. The dumb candle seemed way too happy about the prospect of everyone getting along together.

Saying he would speak with the lord of the castle and actually doing so were two different things, however, and it proved a little harder to track his quarry down when he didn’t really have any idea where to look. According to Kagami there was no one in the royal apartments. He didn’t really want to go tramping around in the snow but that was really his only other idea. With great reluctance he wandered down to the front hall, thinking that perhaps he might be able to spot the beast from the door again and save himself the trouble of going all the way upstairs to dress in warmer clothes. To his great luck both tasks were unnecessary.

Both him and his host stood rigid with surprise when they almost collided going around a corner. They stood blinking at each other for several seconds before Tobirama snorted and moved to step around him, jolting Madara in to action.

“I was just looking for you,” he said, somehow managing a casual tone.

“Were you?” Tobirama lifted both of his heavy brows and Madara fought the urge to scowl defensively.

“Look, if we’re going to spend an unknown number of years locked together in the same castle then maybe we should get to know each other or something. You can’t hide from me forever. That sounds boring.”

He lifted an eyebrow of his own as if to challenge the half-human standing more than a full foot above him and Tobirama stared back with narrowed eyes, clearly doubting his intentions but not willing to call him out just yet. Quite likely he had also been a victim of Kagami’s pep talks trying to force them to socialize with each other but Madara was willing to bet that Tobirama was too lonely to pass up the opportunity to make a new friend. And also probably too proud to admit that.

“If you think that is best,” Tobirama answered eventually. His words sounded awkward, chewed over and halting, like he wasn’t sure of them but had nothing else to say.

“Right, because you’re obvious super worried about what I think.”

The frown lines on Tobirama’s face deepened with frustration. “Do not look for insult where none was meant. I was agreeing with your proposal.”

“Alright, okay, I can play nice. Go on then.”

“Go-?” To his amusement, Tobirama stared at him with only more frustration. “You were the one who asked me to converse. Why should I be the one who must ‘go on then’?”

“You’re royalty; aren’t you royal types trained in how to socialize and stuff?” Madara asked.

“I do hope you’ll forgive me if my social skills are a bit out of practice after so long without meeting anyone new. One does tend to let one’s propriety slip when the only decent conversationalist around is my own brother. And his wife, of course, but unfortunately Mito and I have not been on good terms for the past decade or thereabouts.” Tobirama wrinkled his nose, the face of a man remembering a wrong he’d committed but wasn’t ready to apologize for.

Sensing a good story behind that, Madara was about to ask for a retelling of whatever Tobirama had done to insult Mito a decade or so ago. Clearly it had nothing to do with their general situation since that had happened more than several decades ago as far as he could tell. Before he could ask, however, the rest of that little speech caught up with his brain and Madara nearly lost his jaw as it fell open.

“Wait. Your brother. Hashirama is your brother!?”

“Yes.”

Reeling back, Madara gripped both sides of his head and stared in to the middle distance. “My whole life is a lie. Oh my god he’s the elder brother in the story. Hashirama caught the plague and then a magic lady saved him but she didn’t save anyone else and you had to – oh damn. Wow.”

Tobirama watched judgmentally but thankfully in silence as Madara went through all the general stages of a mental breakdown. He’d known the story since day one, accepted all of it as true in the meantime, but the story Hashirama and Mito told him just hadn’t felt real until he realized he’d been staring all the characters of it in the face this whole time. Hashirama was the eldest brother, the one who was meant to be king, who had apparently not falling in to the long sleep. And in front of him was Tobirama, doomed to watch his older sibling live out life as an animated candelabra because of mistakes he had made during a reign that was never supposed to be his in the first place.

“Fire and flame,” Madara swore under his breath. “Your life sucks.” He said it without thinking, without aim, so the bark of laughter that sprang out of his companion nearly startled him right out of his skin.

“If you wish to put it in such crass terms, yes.”

“Shit, no, I didn’t mean to bring anything up! Crap. See this is why I don’t talk to anyone either!” If his trousers had pockets Madara would have shoved his hands down deep and hiked up his shoulders uncomfortably. Without pockets he could only fold his arms and pout.

Above him, Tobirama cocked his head to one side with a shadow of what might be translated in to a smile.

“Perhaps the two of us might find some common ground after all,” he said.

“Maybe. Come on, let me drag you back to the kitchen so Hashirama can get all the weepy gratitude out of his system and then we can go sit down somewhere and tell each other our favorite colors or something." Madara beckoned with one hand and was gratified when Tobirama followed placidly, not a hint of kingly pride balking at being told what to do. That was a good sign.

Keeping stride with Tobirama’s massive legs turned out easier said than done and Madara had to power walk for a couple of hallways until his companion rather shamefacedly shortened his steps. As they neared the kitchens he looked down with a hesitant expression.

“You do not actually expect us to make such simplistic conversation as trading favorite colors, do you?”

“If that’s what it takes to make you less grumpy,” Madara declared. “How else am I supposed to get to know you if we don’t ask questions or something?”

“Pray think of something a little more interesting.”

Without thinking Madara rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue, a response he usually reserved for Izuna or Hashirama, the people he actually felt comfortable joking around with knowing he wouldn’t insult them. Then since he couldn’t snap his tongue back in to his face without making himself look even more foolish he did his best to play it off like he was completely comfortable teasing a seven foot cursed king who trapped him here with a magically binding vow. Incredibly, he did not get stomped to death by two sharp hooves.

Somehow his casual attitude seemed to break a little more of the tension between them and as he reached for the door to go face Hashirama together Madara almost smiled, thinking to himself that maybe being locked in a castle with a mythical creature wasn’t quite as terrible as it sounded.

[rorykillmore]

okay this is for @transrobro who requested a catra/scorpia fic! which is a dynamic we’ve really only just picked up but that i already have so much love in appreciation for, in no small part thanks to jay’s scorpia.

jay... i am so grateful to be able to celebrate another year of us being friends <3 this sounds like. cHEESY but your kindness and generosity really does touch everyone around you even in the smallest gestures (my mom still treasures her groot ornament.) and you have a wonderful talent for making me laugh REALLY hard which i oftentimes find i really. need tbh. thank you so much and i hope you congratulate yourself on this year; it has certainly had its ups and downs but i know you have taken a lot of important strides over the course of it and i am proud of you!!!

She thinks about how lucky she is to be here, right now. To have not lost herself entirely to that all-consuming anger.  To have come out the other side and still have friends who care about her, and want to forgive her.

“I just feel like... I already have everything I need.”

One of the many, many differences between Catra and Scorpia is that Scorpia is a notorious early riser, while Catra is notoriously... well, not. And she wouldn’t compromise that for just anyone or anything, but she’s spent the past few days since her little outing with Zero meticulously planning this out, and she knows she’s going to get too restless if she waits it out much longer.

Besides, she’s not exactly sure what the protocol is for when Christmas morning is supposed to... start.  Better safe than sorry.

“Hey. Scorpia.”  Catra leans over her sleeping form and uses one finger to give her forehead a gentle prod.  “Wake up.”

Scorpia’s eyes flutter and eventually focus on Catra as she stirs, her expression moving from surprise to delight, with the tiniest underlying hint of uncertainty (definitely new, Catra has noted in the weeks they’ve been in this world together).  “Catra!” She sits bolt upright, forcing Catra to draw back quickly to avoid a painful collusion of their foreheads. “Did -- did we have plans today? Did I sleep in too long? Oh, I knew I shouldn’t have stayed up to finish that season of Parks and Recreation...”

“No -- no, you’re fine. It’s still early,” Catra reassures her quickly, not bothering to add that she has no idea what ‘Parks and Recreation’ is.  A nature documentary, or something? “Sorry to wake you, I just -- I have something I want to show you.”

It’s not much of an explanation, and Scorpia could very easily be skeptical of why Catra would sneak into her apartment after the sun’s barely gone up for such vaguely defined reasons.  But it’s Scorpia, of course, so she just says, “Oh! Exciting. Okay. Um -- should I go get Emerald?”

“Let her sleep a little while.  We’ll get her later,” Catra promises, because she tentatively has something in mind for Emerald - who, for the record, is a lot harder to shop for than Scorpia - as well.  She fights the urge to lower her ears in embarrassment.  “For now, let’s just -- I mean, this is... for you, specifically.  So.”

The look on Scorpia’s face makes her feel both pleased and guilty. Catra can only describe it as awed -- stunned, even, like Scorpia never in a million years would have expected Catra to wake her up just to tell her she’d done something nice for her.  Catra supposes she hasn’t really given her much reason to.

“Give me five minutes!”  Scorpia springs up, amending over her shoulder as she springs into her closet, “--Three minutes!”

“Take your time,” Catra tells her, unable to suppress a goodnatured roll of her eyes.  “I know you have your morning routine, or whatever.”

“It’s fine. I have a speedrun version prepared for emergencies! -- Hey, Catra?” Scorpia sticks her head out of the closet a moment later, suddenly hesitant.  “You know you... I mean, I don’t want you to feel like you... have to do stuff like this. For me. I mean, I’m over the moon, don’t get me wrong, I just --”

Catra holds up a hand to stop her, because she’s already figured out that this isn’t just obligation, or the desire to fix things, on her part. It feels -- well, okay, nervewracking right now, because she isn’t entirely sure what Scorpia’s reaction is going to be once she sees the actual gift.  But Catra’s sure it’ll feel good eventually.  “It’s Christmas, silly.”

She gets a slightly nonplussed look in response, which... figures. So Catra goes on to explain,  “It’s a thing they do in this world. A celebration. You, like -- buy presents for people, among a bunch of other weird, colorful traditions.”  She can already envision Scorpia’s panic at the realization that she hadn’t somehow magically known about a holiday tradition that didn’t even exist in their own world, so she quickly adds,  “Yeah, I didn’t know about it either, until a couple of days ago. So I just threw something together. It’s no big deal.”

The way Scorpia is looking at her, eyes bright with emotion, suggests that she very much thinks it’s a big deal. Catra looks away.  “You’re hyping yourself up.”

“I am so completely just the right amount of hype. Just a sec!”

“Take your time!” Catra tells her yet again, fond exasperation taking the edge off her usual prickliness. “I’m not going anywhere.”

It’s a promise she takes more seriously than Scorpia probably really knows.

----

“Okay. So. I didn’t know how to wrap it.”

Catra awkwardly hoists the present in her hands, well aware that it looks absolutely nothing like the neatly wrapped gifts with the perfect bow finishes that she saw in all those display windows in Metropolis.  Instead, hers is a clumsy mess of tape and shiny red paper, an immediate betrayal of the fact that Catra has never done anything like this before.  But then, she figures, Scorpia already knows that.

“It’s perfect!” Scorpia beams, completely undeterred.  She takes the gift from Catra in one claw and tears carefully at the wrapping paper with the other, and Catra notes that the messiness probably does make it a bit easier for her.

If she was anxious about her presentation, though, she’s even more anxious about the gift itself. Scorpia pulls back the wrapping to reveal a large, leatherbound book with no title on its cover. Even though Catra is sure she must be puzzled, her enthusiasm does not seem to be dampened as she shoots Catra an inquisitive look.

“Open it,” Catra says simply, trying to keep her expression neutral.

Scorpia does... and Catra watches her expression change from curiosity to shock as she takes in the contents of the book’s pages. A soft, stunned exhale quickly prompts Catra to leap to explain,  “It’s, uh. A scrapbook, basically. But like... a special, high tech one I bought in Auriga.  You can upload photos directly onto the pages, and mess with the colors and stuff. I -- uh. I started it for you.”

Truthfully, Catra didn’t have very much to work with. An old picture of her and Scorpia, and one she took with Emerald a couple of months ago, and a couple of silly candids she snuck of Entrapta. And then Catra’s rough attempts at scenic photography; a few shots she took of some of the prettier places she knows around the Southwest. Since... that’s kind of become their home now.

“Catra...” Scorpia whispers.

“Well, I -- I mean, you have to fill it out, obviously.” Embarrassingly, Catra can’t seem to stop talking, her tone bordering on defensive for no definable reason. “Which will take a while. But I know you like that kind of sappy stuff. Making memories, and all that --”

She gets cut off with a sudden huff as Scorpia frees one arm to pull her into a tight hug.

And Catra, despite Scorpia’s best efforts to convert her, is still not really... a hugger.  But she’s learned that she’s capable of making a few exceptions. And if her eyes are stinging a little, well, she makes sure she’s blinked any wateryness away by the time Scorpia lets her go.

“This is -- it’s the most wonderful thing you possibly could have gotten me. I am going to keep it forever,” Scorpia declares, making Catra’s cheeks warm sheepishly.  “I -- I have to get you something! And Emerald! Stay right here, I’ll --”

“Scorpia,” Catra finally manages to cut in quietly.  “I’m sure Christmas hasn’t really been the first thing on Emerald’s mind, either. She’ll understand if you’ve gotta do some belated shopping.  And... you really don’t have to get me anything.”

Scorpia falters a little, concern seeping into her expression as seamlessly as it always has for Catra’s sake.  “Hey. I know you’re trying to do the whole, you know,  ‘making amends’ thing, but if you think that means you don’t deserve a gift...”

“It’s not that.”  Catra shakes her head.  “This isn’t a ‘me hating myself’ thing. Don’t worry. It’s just that...”

She thinks of the note written on the inside of the back cover of the scrapbook. The one she deliberately hasn’t pointed out because she doesn’t want to stand here in front of Scorpia while she reads it.

She thinks about how lucky she is to be here, right now. To have not lost herself entirely to that all-consuming anger.  To have come out the other side and still have friends who care about her, and want to forgive her.

“I just feel like... I already have everything I need.”

Scorpia opens her mouth to respond, but for once, she doesn’t seem to know what to say. So Catra reaches out - a rare gesture of her initiating affection - and squeezes Scorpia’s claw in her hand.

“Merry Christmas. Or whatever stupid thing people say.”

Slowly, Scorpia’s expression melts into the kind of soft, adoring expression that Catra still doesn’t quite feel she deserves. “Merry Christmas, wildcat.”

As for anything else that needs to be said, well -- Catra will wait until she takes her leave, or until the next time Scorpia flips through the scrapbook if need be. Whenever that might be, Catra’s message in her messily scrawled handwriting will be there waiting for her.

Scorpia,

I suck at words, sometimes. Writing them down’s easier. I know I haven’t been a very good friend, so now I’m gonna help you fill up this book with a bunch more good memories to get rid of the bad ones. You deserve to be happy, and if this world gives you that, then I guess I really do owe it one.

Thank you for giving me another chance.  I won’t waste it.

Love, Catra

[forgedobsidian]

Scrambled

A Captain Marvel fanfiction. One-shot, complete.

AO3

Summary: The first message Fury sends Carol is . . . unexpected, in a variety of ways.

Characters: Carol Danvers, Talos, Nick Fury, Goose

It’d been something Carol worked on, during the post-fight, Talos-healing, Skrulls-getting-used-to-open-air downtime at Maria’s. She’d needed a project outside of Fury’s pager, and between talks with Talos and Soren and Maria, the fear of falling out of her rediscovered life for a second time took over her hands and head. Days before departure she was handing over a two rudimentary communications devices to Fury and Maria, telling them how to access the universal clock and what to do when she (inevitably) missed a transmission.

The large comms were fairly simple, using a touch-based navigation to go between various conversations and an image processor for pictures and real-time conversations. She’d made them as simple as she could, to avoid hackers and increase durability. Monica had been excited, near tears to have a way to keep in contact with Arala and her other Skrull friends and her Aunt Carol. Maria got a little misty eyed, too, rubbing at her face when she thought nobody was looking.

After getting Carol’s contact ID, Fury had gone straight to Talos and made sure he could contact the Skrull Commander personally. Talos had laughed and said, “Sure you don’t want me to keep being your boss?”

Fury’d just grinned back and promised to send a lot of pictures of Goose.

But that was two weeks ago, and now Carol and the refitted Kree stealth ship were resting in the orbit of Kurual, a minimally inhabited planet known for its exports of somewhat-durable wood and fancy carvings.

“‘S a nice enough place,” Talos said, stepping next to her and peering out the viewing port. “Too close to the Kree-Xandarian border for my comfort, though.”

“I hear ya.” She sighed and rested her forearms against the banister. “Any word back from Admiral Yora?”

“We’re about another week out from the armada.” He handed her a pumu fruit, biting into his own and swallowing. “We can’t stay here for too long. Just need to let the engines cool.”

“Hmm.”

Just then her comm binged, signaling a new message. She pulled her wrist up and palmed at the controls, fingers too occupied with the fruit. Monica had been talking about an upcoming school field trip - this might be a quick message about how it went.

Instead it was from Fury, the first one he’d sent her. She quirked her mouth around a mouthful of pumu and pulled up the message, nearly spitting the fruit all over the viewing port as it came up.

Attached was an image of a smug-looking Goose, curled up in a flerken-loaf next to what looked like a glowing, radioactive spider web the size of an icecream truck. Tucked away in the iridescent mess of fibers were an uncountable number of eggs as big as Carol’s fist.

The only text said: EGGS??!! THESE ARE DAMN FLERKEN EGGS??!!

Carol choked between her laughter and the fruit, pushing her wrist towards Talos while she tried to swallow the mouthful of pumu. Talos looked over the message and started wheezing, leaning over and resting his open hand on his knee.

The comm pinged with another message from Fury, saying: WHAT DO I DO THERE’S SO MANY

She cackled and gave up on standing, sagging against the hallway and throwing her head back in a full-body laugh. Talos just draped himself onto the sill of the viewport, shoulders bobbing up and down as he tried to get his laughter under control.

She managed to pull herself together enough to send back: WHAT, NOT READY TO BE A DAD?

THAT’S NOT FUNNY DANVERS. THERE’S LIKE SIXTY OF THESE THINGS.

At that Carol palmed away the message and booted up the live feed. Fury picked up seconds later, looking hassled and confused and very, very tired.

“So flerkens lay eggs,” Carol said, trying to keep her face under control.

Fury narrowed his eye and pointed a finger at her. “Shut it, Danvers.”

Talos slid down the wall next to Carol, trying to breathe around his laughter. “You - ha! - Goose laid eggs!” He rubbed a hand down his face, grinning between his fingers. “Bet that was a surprise!”

Somehow Fury managed to glare harder. “Not what I expected to find in the corner of my apartment at two in the morning.”

There’s an offended merowl from somewhere off-screen and Fury looks down. “Yes, Goose, your babies are wonderful and you’re a perfect mama. I’m just . . . surprised, is all.”

“Show us the proud mama,” Carol said, bracing her wrist comm against her knee.

He knelt down and back up, this time with Goose tucked in the crook of his arm. The flerken seemed pleased, whiskers and ears pricked as she gave a slow blink. Fury sighed and rubbed a finger against Goose’s cheek. “I don’t know how to handle this.”

Carol let her head fall against the wall with a thunk. Fury seemed genuinely worried, which was an odd realization to have.

Talos finally stopped laughing and crossed his arms over his chest, grinning into the comm screen. “You’re lucky, actually. Some flerken broods have over a hundred and fifty individuals.”

“Oh. Shit. Should I be looking for other . . . nests?”

“Nah, there’s just the one. It’s easier to protect that way.”

“How long until they, uh, hatch?”

Talos shrugged. “Flerkens can hold their eggs for however long they want, until they feel secure enough in their surroundings and food sources to make the nest. They’ll probably hatch in a few days.”

Fury gave a slow blink and sat down, face flabbergasted. Goose crawled up his chest and rubbed her face against his neck. “Okay,” he said, voice sing-songy. “I’m gonna have over sixty flerkens - flerkittens? flerkits? - running around my small, single-bedroom apartment. That’s -” he took a deep breath and his voice nearly broke, “-fine.”

“Oh, c’mon,” Carol said, giving Fury a smile. “They’re gonna be so cute! Little fluffy kitten things! With tentacles!”

“And pocket dimensions in their bellies,” Talos added. “Think of the prime storage space.”

Carol swatted at his shoulder. “Goose’s babies aren’t storage lockers, you jerk.”

“I’m just saying.”

Fury was rubbing at his temples, his eyes clenched closed. Goose seemed concerned, meowing and rubbing her cheek against his jaw. “What do I do with . . . how do I handle this situation?”

Talos shrugged. “Goose’ll probably handle most of the care. Just make sure to keep her well-fed.”

“She already ate my favorite chair. I can’t afford any more casualties.” He looked up, threading his fingers together. “But what about homes? I’m not guessing there’s a space animal shelter or something.”

“For flerkens? No.”

Goose braced herself against Fury’s shoulder and gave a loud meow right into his face. He blinked and sighed. “Was that you saying you have it under control?”

The flerken gave another loud meow and rubbed her forehead against his chin.

Apparently the growth rate for flerkits was completely random on an individual basis, despite them all hatching within eleven hours of each other. Carol got a series of pictures and clips throughout the entire process, images of Goose vigorously licking her children clean, assisted by Fury and a variety of towels. At the end of it, 67 small flerkits were wobbling around Fury’s living room, eyes already open.

By the end of the week, 16 of the kits had doubled in size and were driving Fury crazy. Then, the next day, those 16 were gone. Goose didn’t seem worried, even though Fury spent a solid two hours nearly turning his apartment upside-down and inside-out.

Then, three days later, 9 more flerkits had grown and gone missing.

It took Fury a while to figure out what was going on, and he was lucky enough to catch it on video.

The screen was bouncing as Carol opened the video message. Eventually the camera stilled, focused on the corner of Fury’s apartment that Goose had claimed for her nest. The strange webbing and eggshells had disappeared. Instead, the entire area was covered in blankets and towels and several small plastic toys.

Most of the flerkits were sleeping, tucked into corners and bundled together. Six of them were awake, however, and grown to the size of young cats. Goose was giving each one a through grooming, making sure their fur was fluffy and clean. Then she opened her maw and tentacles shot out.

For a horrifying moment Carol thought Goose was eating her children, but then she looked closer. Goose’s tentacles were calm, not frenzied and writhing like when she swallowed the Tesseract. They were calm and gentle as they slowly wound around her children, petting their ears and scratching their chins.

The flerkits leaned into the touch and opened their own maws, but nothing came out. Instead there was an odd distortion of space around each of their mouths, and then the flerkits blinked away in a ripple of space.

“Goose, what the hell!” Fury yelled, the camera jostling again as he ran over.

When Carol showed Talos the clip, he shuddered when Goose’s tentacles shot out. But then understanding cleared his eyes as the flerkits disappeared.

“My guess?” Talos swiped through another report. “She’s sending them somewhere they’ll be safe, and can grow into their own.”

“How, though?”

“Flerkens have pocket dimensions in their bellies, Carol. They can probably do all sorts of weird things.”

“Okay, that’s fair.”

Goose continued to send her children out into the universe. Two actually went directly to Maria’s home, popping up in one of her open tool boxes. Monica sent everyone excited pictures of her playing with the flerkits, dragging sticks through the dirt for them to chase.

Four flerkits made it onto Talos’ ship, somehow managing to pop up directly in the command chair on the bridge.

A spunky calico immediately attached herself to Arala like it was her personal mission. The little flerkit was constantly jogging behind her charge, batting at Arala’s heels or trying to climb up her legs. Whenever the young flerken tired, Arala would pick her up and carry her like a child, belly up, tucked safely in the crook of her arm. Arala named her new friend Cypress, after a species of tree in Louisiana. Cypress quickly became Arala’s constant companion, sleeping with her during night cycles and sneaking food off her plate with paws and the occasional tentacle.

Another one - a light orange tabby - made himself at home in the infirmary. He looked like a mirror image of his mother, except for black socks on his feet. The (unimaginative, in Carol’s opinion) staff named him Suture. It wasn’t uncommon for ill or injured crew to be comforted by a facefull of purring flerken. When he wasn’t acting as a destressor, Suture took to napping on bundles of bandages or strutting the hallways with his siblings.

The third was a shy orange-and-black tortoiseshell that tended to avoid crowds. Even as a young flerkit she tended towards the quieter parts of the ship, the information bays, abandoned rooms and closets. Carol named her Ghost. The growing flerken spent a lot of time out and about during night cycles, hunting orloni in the vents and keeping the less boisterous members of the crew company.

The last one was a fuzzy disaster, with ear tufts as long as his head and large, ungainly paws that signaled a lot of growth in his future. Talos named him “Ojir,” using the Old Skrullic word for “join.” Ojir carried himself with dignity, in contrast with the loud Cypress or attention-seeking Suture. The swiftly-growing flerkit enjoyed spending time with Talos and Soren, and it wasn’t uncommon for him to join Carol in the engineering bays as she tinkered with tech and helped repair ships.

Fury nearly passed out from laughter when he heard about four of Goose’s children popping up in Talos’ chair. “For someone so scared of them,” Fury said, chortling as he tried to talk, “they sure seem to like you!”

Talos just flipped him off.

It was surprisingly nice, having the growing flerkens around. The orloni population took a drastic hit, helping protect delicate wiring in the ship’s interior. Suture became a quick favorite of the soldiers, always willing to be held and petted. While he might not admit it, Talos felt better for having a flerken with his daughter - the creatures seemed to protect those they claimed as their own. Ghost lived up to her name, darting around hallways and through rooms she felt uncomfortable in.

Carol sighed and stretched, pulling away from the bundle of wires and metal scraps on the table in front of her. Her personal room was nearly perfect. Her bed was pushed into an alcove, with storage space below. A built-in, slightly magnetized table was ideal for her projects, and the window was wide enough that, if she pressed her face tight to the glass, she just saw space.

There was a polite knock at her door. “Come in,” she called, looking at the smears of black on her fingertips.

The door hissed into the wall and Talos stepped over the threshold. “And how is Captain Marvel today?” he asked, sitting down in a spare chair.

“Mar-Vell,” she said automatically, a smile pulling at her face. “Just fine.”

“Sleep shift not treating you badly?”

“You know, it takes me a while to get tired, so no.”

“Good, good.” He sighed and rubbed the back of his head. “I just finished a check-in with Admiral Yora.”

Her eyes flicked to his face. “And? What did she say?”

“Well, I think she might have laughed a little when I told her about the flerkits.” His mouth twitched around a smile. “She’s looking forward to meeting you.”

“Oh.”

Talos narrowed his eyes, taking in Carol’s expression. She seemed nervous and . . . guilty. “You alright?”

“Yeah, just, heh, nervous.” She swallowed.

He rested a hand on her shoulder. “She’ll understand, Carol. She might be older than dirt - don’t ever tell her I said that - but she’s a soldier, too. She gets it.”

Carol sighed. “If you say so.”

Just then there was a rattle in the vent above them, a moment of silence, then the grated opening gave way and dumped a solid 15 lbs. of growing, fluffy flerkit onto her work table. Her tools and projects scattered, the slight magnetization not enough to hold them in place. For what it was worth, Ojir seemed just as surprised as everyone else.

Carol sputtered and grabbed the scrabbling flerken, helping him find his feet on the slippery surface. Ojir stilled and let himself relax into a sit, holding himself with a dignity that’d been missing seconds before.

“You,” Carol said, gently booping him on the nose, “are getting too heavy for the vents.” Ojir blinked and gave his head a shake, the tufts on his ears slapping back and forth.

Talos snorted and reached over to give the flerkit a pet down his back. “He’s been too big for a while.”

She leaned forward and gave the flerkit a stern look. “Just what were you thinking, mister?”

Ojir narrowed his yellow eyes and, slowly, reached one paw out and gently bopped Carol on the forehead. She blinked and laughed, letting herself feel how silly everything was. She heard Talos give a soft laugh, and for a moment, everything was alright.

Author’s Note:  I pulled some info on flerkens directly from the wiki, but a lot of it I just made up as I went along. Goose is a good mama. Ojir is a Big Fluffy Boy (think bigass maine coon) who likes to feel in charge. Suture loves all his people and actually enjoys belly rubs. Ghost likes hanging out in vents and leaving trophies outside of everyone’s personal rooms. Arala really IS Cypress’s personal charge and she follows her around EVERYWHERE.

Thank you for reading!