#Haven't had a vacation in months and the time off I've had in the passed years weren't free of duties due to always being behind

[chatonmagique]

Failing to be a comforming student and not being able to rest (especially mentally) is quite literally making me want to die at this point. I barely have hope for me holding a job getting any better and can't see how I can get through next year filled with internships and a minor without a lot of failure, dissapointed and angry teachers and supervisors suffering and burning out with no self esteem or hope left

[chahnniesroom]

hoju (home)

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: even though chan has been living in korea for so many years, he still considers australia to be home. when he finally has the opportunity to go back and visit, he can't wait to bring you along and introduce you to the people and places that he grew up with.

word count: 4.3k

warnings: none :)

a/n: hoju (호주) is the korean word for australia.

this was a request from my sweet 🦦 anon! thank you for the inspiration, i had fun writing this and i hope that it meets your expectations. sorry that i did not write this in chan's pov 😅 as usual, please let me know if there are any typos or mistakes because i didn't have the chance to proofread 🥲

read it on ao3 | masterlist

Chan has been acting strange lately. Not enough that you're worried, just a little bit suspicious. He's never tried to hide what tabs he has open on his phone before and he's looked deep in thought quite a few times, but when you ask what he's thinking of, he changes the topic quickly. You're curious, but trust that Chan will talk to you when he's ready. Still, you can't quite ignore all of the changes in behaviour.

It's the same tonight. When you look up during dinner, Chan's just stirring around the noodles in his plate, only taking a bite every so often. You frown, trying to think of if you've done anything differently to prepare the food in a way that he doesn't like, but it tastes the same to you as usual. You rule out a lack of appetite, as he had just commented that he was starving while you were cooking.

“Is everything okay?” you ask hesitantly, after a few more minutes have passed.

“What?” Chan looks up, startled by the sound of your voice. “Oh no, everything's fine! Just… thinking.”

“Is it about work? Did something happen?” You know that Chan has been busier than usual this month, the boys have some time off in a few weeks and everybody is scrambling to get things finished in the meantime. You've also requested vacation at work, although so far you and Chan haven't planned anything. In fact, he's been a little bit cagey when you've brought up the topic. You try not to think much of it and really, it's just nice to be able to spend extra time together.

Honestly, you wouldn't be surprised if Chan has found out that his break has been cut short or even cancelled. It's rare that they’re able to have more than a few days off at a time which is why you had been so shocked when Chan had let you know that they didn't have schedules for a period of almost three weeks.

It would provide an explanation to everything that you've observed the past few days, you know that he would try his best to fix things before he had to tell you the bad news.

“Well-”

“It's okay if you found out you can't take time off,” you reassure him. “I understand that it's all up to the company and sometimes they change their mind at the last minute. I can just let my work know and take my vacation another time, I'm sure they might even be happy if I'm still around next month.”

“No!” Chan says, his eyes wide in panic. “We still have time off! Don't worry about that. It's actually- How would you feel about visiting Australia with me?”

It's your turn to stare at Chan in shock.

“Australia?”

“Yeah, it's been a while since I went back and-” Chan breaks eye contact, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I thought it'd be nice if I could introduce you to my family, in person.”

“You want me to meet your family? In Australia?” you repeat, dumbly.

“Only if you feel comfortable!” Chan says hurriedly. “I looked into tickets, but didn't book anything yet so it's totally up to you. I also wanted to check if my family was available beforehand and it's pretty good timing actually. If you don't want to, then it's totally fine, I'll probably go for either way and I think Felix is also considering it. It's just that we've been together for a while now and I've met your family and I know that my mom basically considers you to be her daughter-”

“I want to go,” you interrupt, not wanting Chan to spiral further. “I was just surprised, I guess, but of course I want to accompany you.”

Chan brightens at that, then grabs his computer, unlocking it and opening up a spreadsheet. As it loads, he reaches for his chopsticks and takes a huge bite of food. You can't help but smile fondly at the sight of his cheeks bulging with food as he chews, relieved that his appetite is back.

“I didn’t want to get too far ahead of myself, but I was looking at flights, and I think that if we leave on a Tuesday, it might be best. It means we can enjoy the weekend here and still have time to pack everything,” he explains excitedly. “It'll be less busy at the airport too, which will be nice, and it works out well with my parents’ schedules anyway.”

You hum in acknowledgement, content to follow along and take mental notes as Chan reads out everything else that he's thought of so far. He continues planning for the rest of the evening, trailing behind you as you clean up and do your nightly routine, only stopping to help you when you do the dishes and put away the laundry. It's cute how animated he becomes, putting together a long list of all the sites and restaurants that he wants to show you.

You can tell that he's still thinking of it as the two of you curl up in bed that night, every so often you feel him jolt behind you and turn to reach for the little pad of paper and pencil that he often keeps on his nightstand.

Eventually, you turn over and squint at him. He doesn't even pretend to be asleep.

“Hi,” he whispers. “Sorry if I'm keeping you awake.”

“Sleep,” you murmur tiredly. “We have lots of time to plan, get some rest for now and we can talk more tomorrow.”

Chan starts to protest, but you just nuzzle closer, pulling his hands to wrap around you. As you drift off to sleep, you can feel that Chan has finally relaxed too.

—

The two of you spend the first day of break slowly, sleeping in and having a lazy meal of bibimbap from all the banchan taking up space in your fridge. You only venture out of the apartment for dinner, going to your favourite local restaurant that you visit so often that the owner starts making your meals the second that the two of you step through the door. The next couple of days are also easygoing, consisting of shopping, watching dramas, and eventually preparing for your trip.

Throughout the drive to the airport and making your way through security and to your gate, you can tell Chan's a bit on edge even though you and Felix try to assure him that everything will be fine. The three of you are in incognito mode, wearing hats, face masks, and plain clothes but Chan’s still scanning your surroundings the whole time. You, on the other hand, can't help but be excited, bouncing at his side so much that he loops his arm over your shoulders to try and calm you down. Felix is more relaxed and laughs at the stark contrast between the both of you, even filming parts of it since he’s getting footage for a vlog. Luckily you know that any content with you in it is likely to be edited out and don’t bother to hide your eagerness.

While Chan is used to travelling often for concerts and other overseas schedules, you've rarely visited places outside of Korea and have certainly never flown business class. You squeeze Chan's hand when you see your seats, thrilled at the idea of having so much leg room and a divider between the two of you that can also be fully lowered. It keeps you entertained for the whole time before the plane takes off, taking pictures together and reclining your seat up and down until the seatbelt sign turns on.

The flight is over 10 hours, so it doesn't take long before you move your attention to browsing the menu that's available and scrolling through all of the movies on the in-flight entertainment system. Shortly after the dinner meal is served, you start to doze off. Wanting to make the most of the experience, you insist to Chan that you'll be able to stay awake to watch another movie with him, but only make it through the first 30 minutes before you wake up to a dark screen.

You blink up blearily as a flight attendant starts making their way through the aisles, handing out customs forms for everyone to fill out. When you receive yours, you stare at it for a few seconds before realising the problem is not the fact that you're still adjusting to being awake.

“Oh no,” you whisper in horror, causing Chan to glance over at you, concerned.

“What happened?” he asks.

“I didn’t think about practising English before this trip,” you reply, distress leaking into your voice. “The last time that I wrote anything in English was when I was in secondary school… I'm not going to survive in Australia!”

“Hey, it's not an issue, I'll be with you the whole time! You don't have to worry about any of that. And you know enough conversational English to get by, I know you do,” Chan says soothingly.

You refuse to be comforted, burying your face into your hands.

“How am I going to face your parents when I barely know anything other than ‘hi, how are you?’” you moan. “I'm not even going to make it through customs! They're going to arrest me when I can't answer any of their questions!”

You know that you're exaggerating, but it makes Chan laugh so hard that tears gather in the corners of his eyes. You try to keep up your act, but end up dissolving into laughter too at the way that Chan is trying so hard to stay quiet, not wanting to bring attention to you two.

Contrary to your fears, you manage to deplane, get through customs, and collect your luggage without any major issues. You had a moment of anxiety when Chan and Felix split up from you since you have to go into the lineup for foreign passports, but you are somehow able to fumble your way through the conversation with the border officer without being detained.

Felix splits up with you shortly after, you see that his tiredness from the long flight melts away the second that he sees his family. He gives you and Chan both a quick hug to say goodbye before running out to meet them.

Chan lights up in a similar way when he finally spots his parents. They're waiting in the pick-up zone and waves the two of you over quickly. You barely get the chance to say hi before Chan’s mother is enveloping you into a hug.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” she says warmly. “Come on, let’s take you home.”

The drive is fairly short and it feels like no time at all before you’re approaching the house. The second that the front door opens, you hear a distinctive scrabble of claws against hardwood before Berry shoots towards Chan, tail wagging furiously. Chan immediately kneels down to give her better access, laughing when she stands on her hind legs to lick at his face.

Once she’s finished with that, she turns to you, barking curiously before moving closer. You stick out a hand for her to get an idea of your scent and try not to jump when you feel the cool, damp press of her nose against your palm. Whatever Berry smells, she approves of, giving you a few quick licks before running back to Chan.

“She’s so cute!” you exclaim, pulling out your phone so that you can take a picture of the reunion. You don't think that Chan even hears you, caught up in talking to Berry, giving her kisses and allowing her to do the same.

“I'll help you with your bags,” Chan's father says from beside you, easily lifting them out of your hands and motioning for you to enter the house. You exchange greetings with both of Chan's siblings as you remove your shoes, familiar with them through video calls and the one time that you met Hannah when she was travelling in Korea.

Chan’s family recently moved so this was also Chan’s first time seeing the house in person, the two of you trailing behind Chan’s father as he gave you a brief tour of the first floor before leading you upstairs. When you get to the guest room that you'll be staying in, Hannah pops her head in.

“Chris doesn’t spend enough time in Australia to have his own room in this house, so you guys are in this room.” She eyes you for a moment and based on the mischievous smile that’s growing, you can guess what she’s about to say. “Y/n, if you get sick of him, then feel free to stay with me instead!”

“Hey!” Chan complains, not even looking up from where he’s unpacking his bag. He grabs onto one of his shirts and chucks it at Hannah, but she easily dodges, throwing one of her slippers at him in retaliation. It hits Chan right in the chest and he looks at her in disbelief. He abandons his task in favour of chasing her throughout the house. You don't follow after, but you hear as their yelling and laughter echoes through the halls.

It’s refreshing to see Chan at home, no matter how comfortable Chan is with the rest of the kids, he’s still the leader of the group and the oldest member and the dynamic of their relationship reflects that. Even though it has barely been a few hours, you’re relieved to find that Chan has left behind the stresses of being an idol and can instead just be a son and an older brother.

His parents are hilarious and kind, it’s easy to see how Chan’s personality is a reflection of the environment that he was raised in. During dinner, you laugh at the way Chan pouts dramatically when Chan’s father pretends to forget about Chan when serving the food and how he groans in pleasure when he finally gets to taste his mother's cooking after so long. Hannah and Lucas continually crack jokes as you eat, especially if they're at Chan's expense and he pretends that he doesn't find them funny.

—

One afternoon you find Chan fiddling with the camera that he’s brought with him. You step up behind him, resting your chin on his shoulder and wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Are you planning on filming tonight?” you ask, knowing that Chan was always careful to alert everyone in the house beforehand.

“Not today,” he replies. “Probably tomorrow, when I take out Berry for her morning walk. Did you want to join?”

“Of course!”

“I was thinking of going right after breakfast, before it gets too hot out,” he says as he pulls out the camera battery and fits it into the charger.

“Anywhere in particular you wanted to go?”

“Mmm, maybe by the water? There's a path that's not too far away. I don't want anything that's too close to the house, you know?”

“Good idea.”

“Are you planning on putting it into a vlog?” you ask curiously. "You haven't been filming much.”

"Actually…”

“What? You're making me nervous.”

“I was hoping to use it for a music video,” Chan says sheepishly.

“What?! I'm not qualified for that!! I can't- you need to find someone else-”

“No no, it's going to be fine! It's for a record, not like, an actual music video.”

“I don't know,” you say, still feeling hesitant.

“I promise, I'm going for the casual vibes and it's either you or like, my eomma, and I guarantee that you would do a better job.”

“Okay,” you say reluctantly. “But I can't guarantee it'll come out well.”

“Thank you! I know it'll be great,” Chan says, showering you with kisses in gratitude until you're squirming away.

—

The next morning, Chan’s parents are out, leaving all the kids to prepare food on their own. It's a little chaotic, but you manage to cobble together a decent meal. It's a lot of fun to see how Chan and his siblings interact without their parents around to mediate. You're amazed by how similar the three are, not only in appearance but also the way they behave.

Although much younger, Lucas shares a strong resemblance to Chan, especially once he smiles and shows off matching dimples. They quickly disappear once Chan reaches out and musses up his hair playfully as you’re all cleaning up.

“Chris, stop it,” he complains, pushing his older brother away before trying to fix the strands that are all over the place. It only encourages Chan to move closer, wrapping his arms around his brother and lifting him into the air. When trying to wiggle free doesn’t work, he turns pleading eyes to you, knowing Hannah wouldn't step in to help. “Noona! Get him to let me down!”

The two of you had been awkward the first time you had been left alone, it hadn’t helped that Lucas’ Korean could be considered conversational at best and your English was significantly worse, but you had quickly grown close through attempts to tease Chan. Now, it’s easy to treat him like the little brother you never had.

You approach quickly, trying to avoid Lucas’ flailing limbs, and reach out to poke at Chan’s waist. He twitches away from your touch and when you persist in prodding at all his ticklish spots, unwinds one of his arms to swat at your hand.

The distraction is enough for Lucas to break away and he quickly moves out of reach. Instead of chasing after him, Chan turns his focus to you. You back away nervously, but find yourself with nowhere to go. Chan grabs you and easily slings you over your shoulder, ignoring your shrieks of protest.

“Betrayed by my own girlfriend? I should have known that introducing you to my siblings would just be asking for trouble,” he growls in your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

“Hey! Where are you taking me?” You look to see if his siblings are going to rescue you, but they must be trying to avoid Chan's wrath as you don't see either of them as Chan brings you up to the guest room.

“I am enlisting your help,” he says casually, as if he wasn't carrying you up a flight of stairs and dropping you on the bed. “I would like your advice on what to wear for Berry's walk.”

“Ooh,” you say. “Very important business then, I'm honoured that you would ask me.”

It doesn't actually take much time to get ready, the two of you change into clothes for the heat and you just have to convince Chan that he doesn't have to try to do his hair or makeup. The second that you mention to Berry that you're going for a walk, her tail starts wagging non-stop and she even fetches her leash and drops it in front of you.

Chan doesn't give you much direction for filming, just hands you the camera and tells you to capture whatever you want. The two of you walk hand in hand through the neighbourhood, Berry happily exploring the area. As you get further away from the house, you let go of Chan, motioning for him to continue walking as you turn on the camera and get used to it.

By the time you've reached the waterfront, you're feeling more confident and have a better idea of what you like. You try out different angles, feeling a little bit like paparazzi, and after a few minutes, even try directing Chan too. You let him keep going, wanting to see how far away he'll go before he realises that you're not following. He's almost a block away before he turns back.

“You’re smiling, did it come out okay?” Chan asks as he jogs back towards you.

“Yeah, it was great! I was just thinking that Stay are going to go crazy over this,” you tell him.

“They do really like it whenever they get to see Berry,” he says thoughtfully, picking her up and scratching her head. You burst out laughing at that and Chan frowns in response and goes as far as to cover Berry’s ears, insulted on her behalf. “What? Don’t laugh at that, it’s true! Berry is just so cute.”

“I’m not saying that they don’t like Berry, of course they do. I was more referring to the fact that the video is… domestic. Very boyfriend.”

“Ooh you think that's what Stay are interested in?” he asks. “What about this?”

He gestures for you to lift up the camera, and once you're recording, grabs your hand to pull you along behind him. You let out a small noise of surprise as he tugs on your arm, struggling slightly to keep everything steady and ensure your hand is out of frame. At your sound, Chan looks back slightly and bursts into laughter.

“So concentrated, you’re so cute,” he giggles.

“Of course,” you grumble. “I want it to turn out nice.”

“Thank you,” Chan says sincerely, no traces of laughter in his voice. “I really do appreciate it a lot that you're helping me with work even though we're on vacation.”

“Hmm,” you say, turning away from him. “You're just glad that you didn't have to ask Hannah, because she would make fun of you the whole time.”

“That's not true! I mean, it is true that Hannah would do that, but that's not the only reason.” Chan uses your connected hands and pulls you close. “I also wanted to spend time with my favourite person in the whole world.”

“You're lucky I love you so much,” you sniff, still pretending to be annoyed even though you've practically melted into Chan's hug. “Now stop getting distracted, I thought it would look nice if you walked along the sand and there's nobody there right now.”

—

The rest of your time in Sydney is a whirlwind of activities. Chan is determined to take you to all his favourite places in the city and you eat more food than you thought possible. Chan’s family, and sometimes Felix and his family, accompanies you two for a majority of the outings and your initial hesitance interacting with them is replaced by fondness, eased by the way that they treat you like one of their own.

You even have a chance to meet some of Chan’s childhood friends, ones that he kept close with despite the long distance. It feels strange to eat dinner with them. Although they do their best to make you feel welcome, they have a lot of history together and you find yourself struggling to keep up with their conversation, not just because of the language barrier but due to references to people, places, and events that you're unfamiliar with. Regardless, you're glad to finally know the people that Chan grew up with and you love seeing how happy Chan is to be reunited with them.

It’s also nice that while you're meeting so many people, you don't have to hide your relationship at all. In Korea, you and Chan are more careful in public. It’s not totally a secret that you’re dating, but you are more on the cautious side due to the popularity of Stray Kids and inevitable scrutiny from fans. In Australia, Chan has no such reservations, excitedly introducing you as his girlfriend to everyone. It never fails to make you blush, feeling shy, but secretly pleased.

Wherever you go, Chan keeps you close to his side, linking your hands or looping an arm around your shoulders. Throughout the day, he presses kisses to your head or cheek. The first time he does it, you look up at him questioningly. He just shrugs, saying that he’s happy and well, you can’t argue with that.

You don’t want your vacation to end and you know you're not the only one. You and Chan have both procrastinated packing your luggage until the last possible moment, and when you finally do begin, Berry seems to sense it. She starts hiding all of your things- Chan's family members finding them lodged in one of the couch cushions or in her dog bed- and curling up inside your suitcase, making it practically impossible to continue packing.

When Chan enters your shared room and pauses when he sees you staring into the suitcase helplessly. You wave him over so that he can look inside.

“She’s too cute! Look at that little face, how could you disturb her?” you ask.

Chan has no such reservations. He reaches in and gently lifts Berry out, cradling her against his chest so that she can’t jump back in.

“Berry, do you want to come to Korea with us?” he asks patiently. When she licks at his face in reply, he groans and pretends to lower her back into the suitcase. “Ah, I guess we have no choice but to bring you! I think we can sneak you in with the rest of the souvenirs that we’re taking with us.”

Despite Chan’s promises, Berry ends up staying behind, not even joining you on the drive to the airport. You’re lucky that you decide to leave well before your flight is expected to depart as you end up taking almost half an hour saying goodbye to everybody.

You know that you’re going to treasure these memories for a long time and you’re certain that Chan will too. It’s amazing that even though you were only in Australia for a couple weeks, it already feels like a second home.

read it on ao3 | masterlist

[notiddygothgf]

17. Not a Date

★ pairings: aki hayakawa x fem reader

★ ❝Is this a date? ❞

★ c.w.: suggestive content. tooth rotting fluff. the hayakawa family being the hayakawa family. denji and power need their own warning.

★ a/n: HIIII EVERYONEEEEE!!! im back from my unofficial hiatus. So let me spill the tea -- as you all may know, I'm a Premedical student, and let me tell you..... finals did my ass INNNNN!! it was a struggle to stay alive but we #survived. I haven't been feeling like myself lately, but I'm taking a winter vacation to my lovely motherland, Puerto Rico, and I am SOOOO at peace rn. It's done wonders for my creative juices.

Thank you all for leaving such wonderful comments on all of the chapters while I was away. Yes, I've been reading them, and, yes, I've been cracking up over them for the past two-ish months. Y'all are fuckin hilarious. Anyway!! To make up for my absence, I've decided to double update and feed the girlies. I'm so sorry! I didn't forget about y'all... but....

Y'all know the drill... the more you comment, the more I update! comment away!! hugs and kisses from PR!!

★ w.c: .4.1k

shameless ; chapter index

As Aki was presently in no shape to cook, the two of you decided to go out for dinner. You tried hard not to think too hard about what it meant – of course, it was hard to ignore the way he tossed a twenty at Denji and Power and told them not to kill the delivery driver (and, subsequently, to not call him unless it was a dire emergency).

It wasn’t a date. He hadn’t asked you on a date, yet, so it wasn’t one.

So why did you feel so nervous?

Picking at the seam of your Public Safety slacks – the only decent outfit you had available, unless you counted your unlimited supply of oversized clothes from your not-quite-boyfriend – you shifted in your seat. Your eyes flitted over the restaurant, its patrons, the red wallpaper; anything but the handsome young officer sitting in front of you.

Aki was sitting directly across from you, long legs spread beneath the table, donning a blue button down shirt and some black slacks. It wasn’t the Public Safety uniform you had been so used to but, still, it was nice. His hair was down, the way you liked it, framing his pretty face beneath the dim lighting in a way that had your heart thrumming anxiously against your ribcage. 

Again, though, it wasn’t a date. He hadn’t said it was a date. 

You were just nervous because it was the first time you and him had gone out to eat together… alone.

Your plate was empty. Aki’s plate still had a few pieces of spaghetti on it. Long, pretty fingers plucked a fork off the table and twirled the noodles around until they were all balled up. He popped the spaghetti into his mouth, chewing with a quiet hum to signify his satisfaction.

Finally, he replied to the question you had asked a minute earlier. “November 11th.”

“You’re a scorpio?” You tilted your head, flashing him a funny little smile despite the horde of butterflies loose in your chest. 

“I guess,” He shrugged. He polished off the remainder of his spaghetti in one bite. “What about you?”

“Cancer,” You answered. “July 12th.”

He only nodded, smiling faintly as he wiped the corners of his mouth with his napkin. The motion was casual, but there was something disarming about the way his smile lingered—warm and unhurried, like the late afternoon sunlight stretching across the café table. It made you falter, your own words catching in your throat as you searched for some confirmation, some clue in his expression to tell you what this was.

When his response came only in the form of that soft smile, the silence began to press down on you. A beat passed, then another, before you let the intrusive thought escape. “We’re supposed to be compatible.”

“Are we?” His grin deepened, and though it carried his usual dry amusement, there was an edge of curiosity there too—like he was testing the weight of your words.

“That’s what the zodiac says, anyway.” You shrugged, feigning nonchalance as you reached for your glass of water. The rim felt cool against your lips, a welcome distraction from the heat creeping up your neck. You told yourself it was ridiculous to put so much stock into something you’d read in a horoscope, and yet, your heart still beat a little faster when he tilted his head, considering you.

When the busboy came to collect the plates, Aki leaned back in his chair, his gaze softening as it settled on you. You caught it in your peripheral vision and turned toward him, only to find his expression unreadable but impossibly fond. That low hum of agreement that followed—“I have to agree”—seemed to reverberate in your chest, grounding you and upending you all at once. 

Your breath hitched, and you felt your composure slipping, the warmth rising from your chest to your face, blooming like a flush of petals that wouldn’t stop spreading. Were you imagining it? Reading too much into a simple response? He had always been measured with his words, careful to say only what he meant—but what did this mean?

The thoughts looped in your mind as you stared down at the now-cleared table, the edges of the placemat a blur. When you finally looked up, his eyes were still on you, patient, as though waiting for you to catch up to some conclusion he’d already reached.

The words tumbled out before you could stop them. “Is this a date?”

For a split second, you panicked. Maybe you’d said too much. Maybe you’d made it weird. But then his eyebrows raised, just slightly, and his lips curved into something small but genuine. “Why do you ask?” 

“Well…” You tried to play it cool, but your voice betrayed you, coming out softer than you’d intended. “It feels like one.”

He huffed a quiet laugh, leaning forward just enough for his elbow to rest against the edge of the table. “I would’ve dressed a little nicer if I knew I was taking you out out.” His tone was teasing, but the look in his eyes suggested something more—a hopefulness that mirrored your own.

Your heart swelled at the words, a warmth unfurling in your chest that no amount of teasing could deflate.

“Do you… want it to be a date?” He asked, then.

You blinked at him, caught off guard by the directness of the question, and you wondered if he could see how your pulse quickened. 

“I dunno… I mean,” You sighed, “On paper, I’m still married.”

Aki quirked a brow, “I think we’re a little far past that, aren’t we?”

You laughed – a genuine one, one that made your chest feel light. “I mean, it just doesn’t feel right – us dating before the divorce is finalized.”

There it was again. That word – divorce. 

It was hard to believe all of this was really happening.

“Then, it doesn’t have to be a date,” He shrugged, as if divorce and making the relationship official weren’t a big deal. Then, as if he had sensed the way you deflated, he added, “We can go on our first date when everything is finalized – go out ‘n celebrate,” Then, he smiled, “I’d take you somewhere way nicer than this, anyway.”

You could have laughed at the absurdity of it all. In fact, you almost did. “Celebrating a divorce with your mistress. That’s not something you hear every day,” You grinned. 

For a moment, a part of you doubted if this—all of this—was the right thing to do. The thought lingered like a shadow, nudging at the edges of your mind even as you tried to ignore it. Was it too soon? Too messy? Too complicated? The weight of your still-intact marriage loomed large, a tether that made it hard to feel fully present. But even as those doubts surfaced, another part of you felt freer than you had in years—like unshackling yourself from a life that had stopped fitting long ago.

A part of you wondered if – after all was said and done – Aki would leave you hanging. Leave you all alone with nothing but the wreckage of your life. 

But you took one long look into his eyes, and you knew that couldn’t have been further from the truth. Half-lidded and glimmering with affection, his eyes gazed back at you with nothing but pure adoration. He was in love.

I don’t think I have anything to worry about, you thought. As long as I have him, that is.

Before either of you could speak again, the waiter approached, his polite smile breaking the stillness of the moment. “How was everything?” he asked, his voice chipper.

Aki leaned back slightly, his tone relaxed yet earnest. “It was wonderful, thank you.”

The waiter nodded, seeming pleased, and placed the check down on the table. “Whenever you’re ready,” he said before stepping away, leaving you both alone again.

You reached for your purse instinctively, fingers brushing the leather strap as you glanced at the small black folder between you and Aki. But before you could pull it closer, he slapped his card down onto the table.

“Don’t even think about it,” He grumbled, though there was a flirty lilt to his words. 

“Aki, you’ve already done so much for me, letting me crash and–” You sighed, attempting to gently pry the checkbook out from beneath his fingertips. “At least let me pay for this.”

“No,” He answered without saving a beat. 

You furrowed your brows, “Halvsies?”

He made a similar expression, tilting his head at you as if that was the stupidest question he had ever been asked, “Are we… friends, or something?”

“Not really,” You bit your lip, a cheeky little smile threatening to break loose. “We’re not really dating, either, though, are we?”

“Friends don’t say I love you,” Aki slid the checkbook back over to his side of the table. Leaning in, he added, “A friend wouldn’t make you cum the way I do, either.”

Your face was on fire – you were probably red as a fire truck. You hissed, “Aki.”

“It’s the truth,” He replied. It was evident that he couldn’t possibly have cared less about where the two of you were. 

“What, so you’re telling me you don’t go around giving all of your friends head?” You whispered back, barely fighting off a smile.

“You won’t win this game, so don’t start,” He deadpanned. Unfolding the checkbook, he glanced over the bill, quickly slipping his card into the slot at the top. “Or I can show you just how friendly I am when we get home.”

His words made you bristle in an almost feline manner. “Who says I don’t want that?”

The waiter came by the table a second time, swiping up the checkbook as he did so. Aki looked at you with a smirk that implored you to try and pay the bill now.

“You’re a fiend,” He muttered with a shake of his head. “I just got out of the hospital, anyway. Doctor told me to avoid any…” Here, his gaze dipped, running over the length of your shoulders, your trembling hands. “Strenuous activity.”

You leaned forward, perching your chin on your palm. “Wouldn’t dream of it,” you teased. “Wouldn’t want you to pull your back.”

He quirked a brow. “You’re doing that thing again.”

“What thing?”

“That thing where you test my patience,” He replied. “Try and make me give you what you want.”

“And what do I want, Captain?” You licked your lips – shamelessly, too. You were truly unhinged.

Aki visibly folded at the nickname, eyes softening. His lips parted, as if he were about to say something, but before he could, the waiter returned with the check, setting it down on the table in front of Aki with a quiet, “Have a lovely evening.” 

“If you wait thirty minutes,” He purred, “I can show you.”

(You had never left a restaurant quicker in your entire life).

Aki wound up doing no such thing. In fact, the two of you made a little pit stop at the convenience store to pick up some essential items for you – including skincare and a four animal-print face masks – before going home. Now, Aki sat sandwiched between you and the couch, with you sitting in his lap, laying a face mask onto his skin. His bangs were clipped back with the stupid little butterfly clips you had picked up, and he looked adorable – jammies and all.

He pouted, “This feels ridiculous.”

“Oh, shut up,” You retorted with a roll of your eyes, “They’re supposed to be relaxing, and you could stand to loosen up a little.”

A few feet away, Denji was trying to show Power how to open a face mask packet. It was a fruitless endeavor – one that ended with her biting into the plastic and ripping it off with her teeth. While he argued with her, his own tiger-print mask was sliding off of his face. His hair was clipped in the front the same way Aki’s was.

“God, you’re hopeless,” Denji muttered, but the corner of his mouth twitched upward, betraying his amusement.  

Aki sighed. “This is chaos.”  

“And yet,” you teased, running a finger over his mask for the final smoothing touch, “You’re still here, participating.”  

Just as you turned to grab your own face mask, you felt Aki’s fingers wiggle against your sides. A squeal tore from your throat as he tickled you mercilessly, his stoic mask cracking into a rare grin.  

“Aki! Stop!” you yelped, squirming to escape.  

“Not until you admit this is ridiculous,” he teased, his voice light in a way that sent a flutter through your chest.  

“Never!” you cried, twisting in his lap and finally managing to push his hands away.  

The moment you turned back to scold him, Aki caught you off guard. His hands found your waist again, but this time, they steadied you just before he leaned in and kissed you. It was soft and unhurried, like he’d been waiting for the perfect moment, and your heart stuttered in response.  

Aki's kiss caught you entirely off guard. His lips brushed against yours, tentative at first, as if testing the waters, but when you didn’t pull away—when you instead leaned into him—he pressed in just a little more. His hands, still resting at your waist, tightened slightly, grounding you. The faint scent of his cologne, crisp and woodsy, mingled with the faint cucumber aroma of the face mask, and for a moment, the world shrank to just the two of you.  

Your hands instinctively found their way to his shoulders, and the tension that always seemed to weigh him down melted under your touch. It wasn’t like Aki to be so open, so unguarded, but in this instant, there was nothing but the quiet exchange of warmth, a wordless confession in the way his lips lingered against yours.  

It wasn’t until Denji’s exaggerated gagging sound shattered the stillness that the spell broke. “Blech! Get a room!”  

Power tilted her head, squinting. “Why would they need a whole room? The couch is big enough.”  

You pulled away, face burning as Aki shot Denji a look that could wither a plant. “Mind your business.”  

“Hard to do when you’re face-smashin’ right in front of me!” he retorted, adjusting his sliding mask with exaggerated annoyance.  

You pulled back first, albeit reluctantly, though it wasn’t much of a retreat—your faces still hovered close, noses nearly brushing. Aki’s eyes flickered open, his usual calm slightly disrupted by the barest hint of embarrassment, though he didn’t let you go. His hands remained firm at your waist, keeping you close as if he wasn’t quite ready for the moment to end either.  

Your breath came out in a soft laugh, the sound barely audible over your thudding heart. “Well,” you murmured, tilting your head slightly, “that’s one way to loosen up.”  

Aki’s lips quirked into a small smile, his voice low and teasing. “I think I’m starting to like spa night. Let’s do this more often.”

Denji groaned dramatically, throwing himself back against the couch cushions. “Ugh, you two are the worst.”  

You sighed, your gaze still locked with Aki’s for a beat longer before you finally, begrudgingly, pulled away fully. You missed the way his fingers lingered at your waist, how his eyes followed you even as you turned to address Denji.  

“Alright, fine,” you said, shaking off the lingering butterflies. “We have about 20 minutes with these masks. What do you guys wanna do to blow time?”

Denji perked up at that, glaring at you like he’d just been handed ammunition. Aki, meanwhile, leaned back against the couch, his expression settling back into its usual calm—though the faintest flush on his cheeks betrayed him. You felt it too, a warm buzz that lingered on.

Aki’s arm rested comfortably around your shoulders, his thumb tracing slow, absent-minded circles against your upper arm. Despite the teasing and laughter filling the room, you felt grounded by his steady presence.  

“Truth or dare?” Aki asked suddenly, his calm voice cutting through the noise.  

Denji blinked, his brow furrowing. “What’s that?”  

You couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s a game, Denji. You pick ‘truth’ or ‘dare.’ If you pick truth, you have to answer any question honestly. If you pick dare, you have to do whatever the other person tells you.”  

Denji’s face lit up with a mischievous grin. “Oh, I’m gonna make you all regret teaching me this. Alright, cool. I dare Power to take a bath.”  

Power’s head snapped up, indignation written all over her face. “I never said dare! I was going to say truth!”  

Denji shrugged. “Truthfully, you smell like shit.”  

Power gasped dramatically, clutching at her chest. “You DARE insult me in my own home?”  

“You DARE stink up my air?” Denji fired back. “Seriously, it’s bad. Like, I’m surprised we’re all still breathing.”  

You turned to Aki, raising an eyebrow. “Are you going to say something about this?”  

He gave a small shrug, his expression unreadable but his lips twitching with amusement. “For once, I’m with him.”  

“See? Even stick-in-the-ass agrees with me,” Denji cackled.  

“Fuck you,” Aki hissed. “Twat.”

Power huffed, folding her arms with exaggerated pride. “I’ll only bathe if I lose a dare.”  

The game surged forward in full chaotic force after Power’s dramatic declaration. She leaned back on the couch, crossing her arms smugly, as if daring someone to challenge her resolve. Denji, of course, took that as a personal mission.  

“Alright, alright,” Denji said, cracking his knuckles. “Next round. Power, truth or dare?”  

“Truth,” Power said immediately, grinning. “I’m far too cunning for your ridiculous dares.”  

Denji’s grin widened, his eyes glinting with mischief. “Fine. What’s the most disgusting thing you’ve ever done?”  

Power didn’t even hesitate. “I ate a bug I found under the sink last week.”  

“Oh my god,” you shrieked, recoiling in horror.  

Denji looked torn between admiration and nausea. “That’s so gross but… also kinda badass.”  

“Badass?!” you exclaimed, turning to Aki for support.  

“She’s disgusting,” Aki said flatly, though there was a flicker of exasperated amusement in his expression.  

Power preened at the response. “Thank you for noticing my magnificence. My turn again!”

“No way,” Denji interrupted. “You don’t get to go twice in a row. It’s their turn.” He pointed at you and Aki, his grin turning sharp. “Alright, lovebirds. Which one of you is gonna play?”  

Aki sighed, his hand still resting on your shoulder. “I’ll go. Truth.”  

Denji rubbed his hands together like an evil mastermind. “Are you guys in an actual relationship or are you just fuckin’?”  

The room went quiet, the tension crackling like static electricity.  

Aki didn’t flinch, his expression calm as he met Denji’s expectant stare. “That’s not really your business.”  

“Hey, hey, that’s not how the game works!” Denji protested, waving his arms. “You gotta answer!”  

Aki shrugged, completely unbothered. “I just did.”  

You nudged him with your elbow, though your cheeks were burning. “By not answering, you’re only giving him more ammunition.”  

Denji groaned loudly, throwing himself back against the couch. “You two are so boring. Power, do something dramatic!”  

Power snapped to attention. “Truth or dare?” she demanded, pointing at Denji.  

“Dare,” he replied instantly, his bravado returning.  

Power grinned like a cat about to pounce. “I dare you to run outside and yell ‘Power is the queen of the world’ at the top of your lungs!”  

Denji didn’t even hesitate. He leapt to his feet and bolted out the door. A moment later, his voice rang through the night, startling several nearby birds.  

“Power is the queen of the world!”  

When he stomped back inside, his chest heaving, you couldn’t stop laughing. “You’re insane.”  

“Yeah, but I’m fun,” Denji shot back, collapsing onto the couch with a proud grin.  

Denji's triumphant declaration echoed through the room as he plopped back onto the couch, shaking water droplets from his hair after his dramatic outdoor yell. Power cackled, her chest puffed up in exaggerated pride as though his dare somehow validated her self-proclaimed title.  

“Alright, alright,” Denji said, waving a hand as he caught his breath. “Who's next? Let’s keep this going before it gets boring again.”  

You raised your hand. “I’ll go. Power, truth or dare?”  

Power smirked, leaning forward. “Dare, obviously. Give me your best shot, mortal.”  

You grinned, eyes narrowing. “I dare you to drink this entire bottle of water without spilling it, using only your mouth—no hands.”  

Power squawked in outrage. “This is an insult to my dignity! I am no dog!”  

“Well, you don’t smell much better than one,” Denji quipped, earning himself a glare.  

With a dramatic flourish, Power leaned forward, grabbed the edge of her bottle with her teeth, and awkwardly tipped her head back. The water sloshed everywhere, soaking her shirt and the couch cushions. She spat the bottle out onto the coffee table with a proud grin. “Success!”  

“Yeah, sure,” Aki muttered, brushing a hand over his damp pants where some of the water had splashed.  

“Your turn, Aki,” Denji said, rubbing his hands together. “Truth or dare?”  

Aki sighed deeply, as if already regretting his decision. “Dare.”  

Denji’s grin turned predatory. “I dare you to let your hair down for the rest of the night.”  

Aki blinked, caught off guard. “That’s it?”  

“No, wait—” Denji’s face lit up with a devilish thought. “And you have to let Power style it!”  

Power howled with laughter. “Yes! I’ll do it!”  

You watched, half-amused and half-apologetic, as Aki begrudgingly sat still while Power tugged and twisted his hair with zero finesse, producing a lopsided braid that looked like it had barely survived a hurricane.  

“There,” Power declared, clapping her hands together. “Magnificent!”  

Aki reached up to feel the disaster on his head, his expression unamused. “I’m never trusting any of you again.”  

“Okay, okay, my turn!” Denji said eagerly. “Truth or dare, babe?” He pointed dramatically at you.  

At this point, who gave a shit about order, right?

You rolled your eyes at his theatrics. “Dare.”  

His grin widened. “Alright, I dare you to answer this question – am I cute?”  

Your jaw dropped. “That’s not a dare!”  

“Sure it is,” Denji said, shrugging with mock innocence. “You have to answer, or you lose. So, what’s it gonna be? Am I cute, or am I not cute?”  

Power leaned forward, clearly invested. “Answer truthfully, mortal. Denji’s fragile ego depends on this.”  

Aki sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose but unable to hide the faint twitch of amusement at the corner of his mouth.  

You crossed your arms, glaring at Denji, who looked entirely too smug. “Fine. You’re... adorable.”

The room erupted into laughter.  

“I’m not adorable!” Denji shouted, pointing an accusatory finger at you. “What do you think I am, a dog?”

“Exactly,” you replied, grinning.  

Aki, clearly enjoying himself now, leaned back with an amused hum. “Sounds accurate to me.”  

Power, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes, added, “You do smell like a dog most of the time, so it’s fitting.”  

“Traitors, all of you!” Denji grumbled, flopping back against the couch dramatically. “I’m the cutest one here, and you all know it.”  

Aki shook his head, his voice calm but cutting. “Keep telling yourself that.”  

Denji shot him a look. “Fine, Aki, your turn again! Truth or dare?”  

“Truth,” Aki said without hesitation.  

Denji’s mischievous grin returned. “Alright, serious question. Do you think you’re cute?”  

You couldn’t stop the laugh that burst out of you. “Oh, this is good.”  

Aki didn’t even flinch. “No.”  

Okay then.

The bluntness of his answer caught Denji off guard. “Wait, seriously?”  

Aki shrugged. “I don’t think about it.”  

“Lame,” Denji groaned. He turned to you. “Do you think he’s cute? Like, boyfriend cute?”  

The room went silent again, and you felt every pair of eyes on you. Your face heated under the scrutiny, but you refused to back down.  

“Yes,” you said firmly, meeting Aki’s gaze. “He is.”  

For a moment, Aki just stared at you, his eyes softening. Then he reached up, brushing his hand lightly against your hair. “Thanks,” he said quietly, the barest hint of a smile tugging at his lips. (Of course, it was hard to take him seriously when his hair was so atrociously braided).

“Don’t start,” Denji groaned, breaking the moment. 

“You asked,” you shot back, laughing.  

a/n: hiiiiiii, i hope you liked the fruits of my labor. (the real holdup was actually next chapter, which proved to be much more difficult to write)... anywho i'm not gonna say too much because I'll see y'all in the next chapter. Let me know your thoughts!! Ta ta!! xx QOTD: do you think denji sneaks into aki's room to try on his clothes when he's not home? bc i do.

credits: UNKOWN ATM. I found the cover pic on pinterest unfortch. If you know the artist, please let me know, so I can credit them properly for their work!!! This is NOT MY BEAUTIFUL DRAWINGGG. I obviously do not own csm or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

also: come find me on my wattpad if u wanna interact more!

taglist: @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505 , @acethebrave , @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505

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[onboardsorasora]

'I dunno what this is' - my usual trope lmao but I'm just happy to have written something. this week was great emotionally but also exhausting and a drag so this may not be the greatest but I'm happy about it. As always, idk where this is going or if its even going anywhere. also as always, I haven't read it over lol we are working with vibes over here. I had this idea last night so theres that at least

Lewis stares at the guy who is supposed to be replacing Seb for the summer break, while he goes off on a well needed family vacation. Originally Lewis hadn’t needed a supplemental security guy, but then he’d started getting an increased amount of hate mail again ever since he eclipsed Max and Charles to be P1 in the championship standings again.

It was a great feeling, being P1. Even if the trade off sometimes meant that people took out their pitchforks.

Either way, he didn’t think this new guy would make the cut. He was cute, but he needed more than a pretty face to keep him safe. Didn’t matter if he came by Seb's personal request.

He was cute in a douchey Italian way, with his grown in facial hair and kinda wild curls. Lewis watched him as Seb gave him the run down, he was listening attentively at least and nodding along. Finally they joined Lewis out on the terrace, Seb looking as stern as ever and the new guy looking chill as if they were here for lunch.

“Lewis, this is Daniel Ricciardo, the guy I told you about.” Seb introduced, Daniel leaned forward to shake Lewis’ hand with a smile. Lewis looked him up and down, trying to place the military training that Seb claimed they had together. He didn’t see it, but he trusted his guy.

“Enchante.” Daniel grinned.

“You look like you were out partying last night, man.” Lewis said with a grin. Daniel laughed and his face got maybe ten times prettier.

“Yeah nah that's just my face. I can't help my dashing his looks.” Daniel shrugged carelessly. “I've been told it's quite punchable but what can you do, eh?”

That startled a laugh out of Lewis which in turn made Daniel grin even more. Lewis wanted to amend his previous impression of him, he was dangerous.

“So Seb says you’ve had an uptick in threatening DMs?” Daniel’s face became more focused, brows drawn in. it was Lewis’ turn to be blaise.

“No more than usual.” Lewis shrugged, he saw Seb shift from his periphery and Daniel raised a brow. 

Daniel made a clicking sound with his tongue before turning to Seb. “Yeah, I’ll just stay, those kinda threats can go left pretty fast.” He was motioning with his hands and Lewis couldn’t stop looking at his fingers. His hands looked strong, steady. He had a tattoo on his wrist but his long sleeves prevented Lewis from seeing much else. 

“Ah, bet.” Seb was saying. “And Lew is vegan, like I told you. That won’t be a problem I assume?”

Lewis wanted to roll his eyes, as if he would force anyone to become vegan to work for him. Daniel grinned again and Lewis was drawn to his face.

“Oh yeah I'm cool with being vegan for the next month or so.” Then he laughed, a wild but fun sound, “I had a fried chicken burger this morning as a send off anyway.”

“For breakfast?” Lewis asked dubiously.

“For brekkie. With an oat milk latte.” Daniel crossed his heart as if he was attempting to be a boy scout. Lewis was horrified with himself to find out that it was endearing him to the unserious man.

“Alright perfect. Thanks man, you really are doing me a solid.” Seb looked relieved that Daniel seemed to have passed some test. Lewis hadn’t realized any of them were being tested, but he trusted that Seb knew what he was looking for.

“No sweat mate, call us even for Ibiza.” Daniel grinned a squinty eyed grin when Seb threw his head back and cackled. Lewis looked on confused but content to let it go, he would have more than enough time in the next few weeks to try to get information out of Daniel. Especially information about how Seb was when they were younger.

Daniel eventually left with a spare key, saying he would go pack a bag and be back in an hour. It was just Lewis and Seb.

“You sure about this guy?” Lewis asked, leaning against the kitchen counter and staring into his friend’s blue blue eyes.

“100% I trust him with my life. Just.. keep your regular schedule, he’ll blend in an you’ll forget he’s even here.” Seb shrugged, Lewis looked at him dubiously.

“Yeah fine. If you say so.” 

They walked to the door together, Seb would be heading back to Switzerland tonight. Seb looked at him assessing for a moment.

“Be truthful with me, if you’re uncomfortable with the situation we can figure something out.”

“No, Seb it’s fine. Go, have fun with Kimi and the kids. We’ll be fine here.” Lewis rolled his eyes.

“Fine fine. Sure sure. Just promise me something?”

“What’s that?”

Seb’s eyes became teasing. “Don’t fuck him, yeah?” Then he cackled all the way out the door, leaving Lewis stunned.

[enderwolf91]

☆彡彡 A New Start ミミ☆

synopsis: life has become dull working your office job, unable to go out and enjoy yourself anymore. upon opening a letter your grandfather left to you after his passing, you find yourself on a bus to a new life, hoping to find that spark you so craved for in life.

word count: ~2.6 k

warnings: none!

notes: rewrite of this. the first part to (hopefully) a good series. this is the first fic I've written for an audience in a long time, and I want to put a lot of effort into each chapter, so I apologize if updates to this are slow. I also apologize if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes, English isn't my strongest subject despite speaking it my entire life lol. Enjoy!

“Three more? I just got done with the two you gave me yesterday!”

“I'm just here to give you your assignments, if you have problems take ‘em to the boss, Daniel.”

A loud scoff comes from the other side of the cubicle's wall, the sound of papers being taken with an aggravated force. “Whatever…”

A few moments later, a short figure takes up the opening to your cubicle, a man you're unfortunately familiar with as he holds out two Manilla folders with a bored expression. “Your next assignments for the week.” He speaks as if on the verge of yawning, casually glancing around the small, gray box at the minor number of decorations taped to the walls.

“Thanks, Paul,” you respond, less than enthralled to see more folders to join the stack on your desk. “I'll get started on them tomorrow morning.”

Turning back to your computer, the lines of words and numbers on the document you've been writing have started blurring together. But the looming presence still in the doorway of the cubicle draws you back to Paul, who's still looking around at the papers and photos you've taped up and the cliche cat poster the company gifted everyone last year that's started to wear and tear at the edges.

“Is there… something I can help you with, Paul?” You question him, biting back a grimace as his ears turn a light red as he finally looks at you.

“Hm? Oh! Actually, yeah, I wanted to ask if you were free tonight? There's a… bar nearby if you want to get drinks after work?” He fidgets with the stack of folders in his arms, shifting from one foot to the other as he can't seem to meet your eye.

It's the third time he's asked this month.

“Paul…” You sigh, “I appreciate the invitation… but I can't. There's stuff I need to finish by the end of the week, and with more work being piled on top of that. I just- I don't have time to go out.”

The disappointment is evident in Paul's expression as he gives a tight-lipped smile, “right. I'll… let you get back to work then.”

“Yeah…” You drift off, slowly turning back to your computer as Paul shuffles to the next cubicle, his voice notably less energetic than before.

Sighing, you go back to typing away on your computer, the hours of the work day passing by without you. Though, your own words keep echoing in your mind and distract you from work.

I don't have time to go out.

It's an unfortunately true statement. Ever since you got this corporate job for Joja Mart, you just haven't had time to spend on anything else. Oftentimes staying late at the office to finish a report, or taking the work home when the janitors eventually had to lock up the building for the night. Though the mountain of work does come with a generous pay, enough to pay for your rent and groceries and then some. Money saved up for the off chance you did get time to go out, go to the mall or a bar, but that day has yet to come.

Fortunately, the company graced you with some paid vacation time for your hard work, allowing you to fly back home for your grandfather's funeral. Long expected but still unfortunate, he was somehow always the optimist, telling everyone around strive for a long life like he had, strive for a happy life like he lived.

And while he gave everyone else in the family small trinkets and heirlooms, you received an envelope with your name written on it and a small note.

‘Open when you want a new start’

The envelope sat heavy in your bag on the trip back, and now sits waiting in the top drawer of your desk, your curiosity of what's inside still hot on your mind as you pull open the drawer.

The envelope sits atop a stack of graphs and old papers, a crimson red seal plastered to the front with an unfamiliar emblem, a sort of peace sign looking symbol you've never seen before.

The note written above the seal calls out to you, ‘a new start’ drawing your curiosity out even more as you pick up the envelope. Using your office scissors, you carefully open the envelope and pull out the paper folded inside.

Seeing the handwritten makes you smile softly, the neat print your grandfather seemed to have perfected being a bit shaky and smudged from his old age.

‘So, my dear, you want to start anew, huh? A change of scenery? Fortunately, I didn't leave you with just a silly old letter while the others got gifts. I own a plot of land in Pelican Town that I'm leaving to you. It's an old farm I used to live on when I was about your age and moved away from home, needing a change in scenery. Take good care of the place for me, will ya? The residents of the town knew me well, I'm sure they'll be happy to hear you're coming to town. The number at the bottom will call an old friend of mine, let him know you're on the way and he'll take care of you. With love, your old pa

Jack: xxx-xxx-xxxx’

It was a stretch, moving to a town that was over a seven hour bus ride away, packing up all your belongings from your apartment and saying goodbye to the company that's paid your monthly living expenses for the past few years; all to live on a farm that would become your only source of income, selling the fruits of your labor and not knowing anyone in town.

The bus wasn't as comfortable as you were hoping, but you could lay across the row of seats since there weren't many other people, and no one who was on the same journey as you're on. It was nice watching the world go by in the comfortable silence of the bus.

The bustle of the city and slowness of the traffic opened up to calm suburbs and residential areas, a park passing by every so often with children and dogs running around with parents watching over them; which all faded to the quiet of the countryside, rolling hills of grass and the occasional spotting of trees, it was then you drifted off to sleep to the lull of the bus driving and lack of bright lights.

The next time your eyes open, you're still driving and now you're going through a mountainous area. There's a few people on the bus again, all sticking to themselves until the bus stops at a town, though not the one you're going to as the doors close and the bus driver heads back onto the road.

It's only when you go through a tunnel and pop out the other side you start to feel like you're getting close. The scenery is starting to clear and open up more, and just as you look out the window you drive past a sign signaling the next stop to be Pelican Town.

Seeing the sign sends a jolt through you, realization of what you're doing settling in as you look down at your luggage stuffed under the seat. It dawns on you, you just threw away the security of the life you had to move a day away from anyone you knew and potentially lose everything you have, all because you couldn't stand your office job anymore.

“Pelican Town,” the bus driver's voice shocks you to focus, seeing you've stopped at a bus stop with the town's welcome sign outside.

“Right… thanks,” anxiety crawls through you as you grab your bags, giving the driver a nice tip before stepping off the bus with a shaky breath.

And before you can change your mind, the doors close behind you and the bus is taking off again. Without you.

Looking around, the bus stop is nice, unexpectedly away from the main town. Instead it's in a nice fenced area, a few trees, benches, and a paved path leading out of the area. It looked more like a rest stop than the entrance to a town.

Even more to your surprise, a voice calls out to you from the paved path. “Hey! I knew I heard the bus come by, you must be Samuel's grandkid, right?”

A tall woman approaches you with a kind smile, her white locks pulled back into a tight ponytail as she brushes off the sleeves of her dark green jacket.

“Uhm… yeah, I am,” you nod shyly, tightening your grasp on your bag as the woman greets you up close.

“I'm Sojourn. Jack said you'd be coming to town soon. C'mon, I'll show you to your grandpa's old place.”

Without saying much, you follow Sojourn down the path, taking a right at the fork and following until you see another fence up ahead and a large cabin-like home comes into view.

“Here it is,” Sojourn hums, opening the gate onto the property. “It's seen some better days, or years, but it's all yours now.”

Your eyes are wide as you take in the plot of land. Trees are everywhere, though not dense enough to make it a forest, weeds and miscellaneous plants fill the ground and leave little room to move around. Large logs and fallen over trees and rocks litter about the area. A large pond near the gate is filled with lily pads and overgrown roots, but would make a nice place for fish to live in once cleaned up.

The only part the seemed to be taken care of was the small area near the gate and house, clear of bushes and weeds and any overgrowth.

“We took some time fixing up the house for you, though most of the old furniture was rotten and broken down so we had to get rid of it,” Sojourn explains. “But, we got you a new bed, dining table, fixed up the fuse box and got you a new TV. It's only the essentials, but we didn't want you left with nothing on your first night.”

“Wow…” You can't help but stare up at the house, seeing it's bigger than your childhood home. “Did… Grandpa build this place?”

“From the ground up, though he had some help,” a man comes out of the house, the door swinging fully open. You recognize his voice as Jack's from when you called him a week ago, the night you had opened the envelope. Jack closes the door behind him, before properly greeting you with a warm smile. “Good to meet you, kid. After I heard what happened with Sam, I hoped he mentioned this place to someone, or at least sold it to someone so it didn't go to waste. Glad to see he kept it in the family though.”

“I don't think anyone in our family knew about this place,” you admit, unable to recall any stories about a farm from your grandfather.

“Sounds likely,” Jack chuckles. “Old coop didn't tell us he had kids, let alone grandkids, until he was too old to make the trip out here. Got his letters about your entire family about a year ago.”

“That's when Jack wanted to start cleaning up this place,” Sojourn adds. “Kept coming out here by himself and disappearing all day. Found him out here all tuckered out from pulling weeds and decided to help him out.”

Jack sighs, looking across the plot of land, “don't know how he took care of this place by himself. Took us a year to just freshen up this much. But he had rows of crops planted year round, and had everything nice and organized. Too bad the old barn and coops all rotted away, the greenhouse took plenty of weather damage too.”

The thought makes a weight sink in your stomach, the anxiety of your situation surfacing again, the realization of your new life coming to light.

Just as you start to look around in a panic, a warm hand lands on your shoulder, Sojourn speaking with a sincere kindness, “if you need help with anything, don't hesitate to ask. Once you've settled into the house, we can introduce you to some people in town who can help spruce this place up. I'm sure Satya and Zarya wouldn't mind planning out a new chicken coop and barn for the future.”

“Torbjorn can take a look at Sam’s old tools and fix them up for you too,” Jack adds with a nod. You look between them, names going over your head as you focus on the fact that there's an entire town of people your grandfather knew, yet never mentioned to your family

“Why don't you settle in for now, get used to the place, work on the landscape if you feel ready for it,” Sojourn suggests to you, realizing you're still carrying your luggage, and have yet to see inside your new home.

“There's a box with some farming supplies inside. For now, don't worry about paying for food, stop by the general store or the tavern whenever you need to eat. Once you start growing crops, you can sell them to the general store to start your income. Just know, you gotta work to get paid, just like your grandpa did. So work hard on your farm, kid,” Jack rubs the top of your head, ruffling your hair up before he leaves with Sojourn, letting you go inside to settle into your new life.

The moment you go inside, you drop your bags and fall back on to the bed, thankful for how soft it is as you sink into the covers. The strain of sitting and laying on a bus seat for so long puts a strain on your spine, the pain easing away as you stare up at the ceiling, contemplating what to do next.

You'd never worked on a farm before, let alone ran one on your own. You had some experience in taking care of plants thanks to your mother and her backyard garden, and your grandfather used to let you watch him make things in his garage, he had shown you how to use his power tools and how to put together pieces of wood. You had the knowledge of what to do, but not the experience enough to make it your lifestyle, your new way of living.

It seemed that had to change then.

Sitting up, you look around the open space, finding the box of supplies Jack had talked about. Inside of it you find old tools; an ax, hoe, watering can, and pickaxe; a large bag of fertilizer, and packets of parsnip seeds.

It's a start, and you manage to carry the supplies outside to the open patch of land in front of the house.

Getting a hold on the tools was a bit awkward to get used to, and having to dig through the lily pads to fill the watering can was a close call to falling into the pond, but by the time the sun began to set you stand in front of a plot of planted seeds, all watered and fertilized to grow fast and well.

And the first call of an owl makes you slouch and yawn, already feeling sore from the extensive physical activity you haven't experienced since taking your old office job. Barely conscious as you shower and change into pajamas, you slide into the new bed, feeling like heaven under your exerted body, the blanket providing a warm comfort as you easily drift off to the sounds of nighttime bugs and critters.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas 🌟

the moral support you give your community with this help boxes / asks is truly astounding, i admire you so much for it and i think it's incredible how you managed to create this safe space, not only for you but for other people as well <3

having said that, i too come looking for advice 🙈

explaining the whole story would take waaaay too long, so the tl;dr version is this: i'm not a very social person to begin with, i've always struggled with keeping relationships and forming deep meaningful bonds, but for the past few years the closest thing i had to a "best-friendship" was with this one group of female friends from university. we used to live all together in a student residency, but back in november i had to move out, and ever since then i've had the feeling that our relationship completely deteriorated. we still all live in the same (small) town, we're all doing the same program so we have all classes together but we still never really see each other outside of academic settings (eg lectures or exams). i know they see each other all the time because they're still living all together and i've been feeling very left out.

about a month ago i finally snapped, so i tried addressing this issues i was having with one of them, and she was incredibly understanding. we had a long conversation about how we both felt about the situation and by the end we had agreed to both try our best to be more involved in each other's life.

except a month has passed and....nothing really changed. i still hear very little from any of them and we still only ever see each other if we're doing exams together (which happens, like, once every couple of weeks, and the whole time we're either stressed or concentrated, so there's not really time for catching up). we're currently going through my university's exam period so i really understand how we're all busy with school, but still...i wish they made an attempt at involving me more.

so now i'm wondering if i should try and address these problems i've had / i'm having with all of them instead of just the one friend. we'll all go back to our homes in a few weeks (we live all scattered around my country), and next year we'll all be on different year abroad programs so the next time we'll be together all in the same town will probably be in about a year (not counting the one week vacation we're going on this summer, but it won't be just us girls then).

what do you think? would it be counterproductive to rise the problem now? i'm afraid of how they'll react with me addressing it so ""late"" and that it could potentially ruin the little relationship we currently have.

thank you for whatever you will answer <3

Hi! <3

So first off, I have to ask..you seem to say a lot about how they aren't including you...but have you asked them to make plans? Reached out to them? I think with friendships, it's a two-way street, you know? You can't place the blame solely on them if you haven't really reached out either.

That being said, yes I think you should say something. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to mend fences. Try to be honest, but not accusatory, and tell them how you're feeling. I think it's best to try to fix it before you all go study abroad. As far as you waiting this long to address it, if they care, they'll be happy you said anything at all! And it they're mad you brought it up- take it as a sign that those friendships aren't worth keeping. Either way, it's worth it to know and fix what you need to fix.

Good luck, I know you can do it! <3

Naming you late anon

[nancypullen]

MIA

Yep, I've let too many days pass without posting. I've missed the opportunity to crow about how much fun Halloween was, we're already more than a week into November! We did have a grand time though. Trick-or-treating with our little miss in her fun neighborhood ticks all of the boxes on my perfect Halloween check list. I popped on my witch hat and my sweatshirt and had as much fun as the kids.

I'm trying to be better about sharing pictures of myself (ugh!) so that when I'm dead my kids can have something to prove I was here.

Yes indeed, we gave October a fantastic send off and November arrived with chillier weather and even more color in the trees. Absolutely beautiful.

I've been busy filling a big earring order, and keeping appointments. My in-person interview at the library went well ( I thought) but I haven't heard a peep. I can't worry about that. I know I'm qualified and would be helpful and cheerful to the patrons, but I still may not be what they're looking for - who knows? If not there, I'll find something else. I had a follow up appointment after my yearly physical/ lab work because my blood pressure was up. That's really unusual for me, so I had to track it for a month and then bring my monitor in and all that. Turns out I'm normal, I just don't like going to the doctor. I'm really glad that I don't have to take meds. I'm too forgetful for that.

Then, I received a call that my mammogram results were abnormal and showed a "developing asymmetry" in the left breast. Tomorrow I have to go to Easton for a diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound. I'm 99% sure that it's nothing, probably just normal changes, but for someone who doesn't like going to doctors and/or having procedures, enough already! If this is what getting older is like, I'm not a fan. I told a friend that it's probably a lump of cookie dough that didn't make it all the way to my hips - much ado about nothing.

When I'm not kneading clay and baking earrings, or getting poked and prodded by medical personnel, I'm trying to prepare for the upcoming holidays. I love an October vacation, and Ireland was sublime, but it tends to dump me right at the doorstep of Thanksgiving and Christmas and I'm not ready for either one! I confess to playing some Christmas tunes already, just to get in the mood. I feel like I'm way behind. I've been trying to come up with our card for this year and the creative well is running dry. They just get thrown away by the recipients, why not just pick up a couple boxes of cards at Target? That would be smarter and I could cross it off my list. I know that I'm one of the dinosaurs still sending out holiday cards, but I love getting them in my mailbox and one must give in order to receive, right? So that's my quick check in, and my apology for being tardy with this post. Tomorrow I'll ship those earrings off to Florida and go get my boob smashed again, and then my schedule will be nothing but holiday madness. I'm looking forward to it. It's time to get my jingle on!

The Edgewater gang will come over this weekend and I'll have to make sure that I have a grasp on the grandgirl's list for Santa. I have a toy catalog here that should inspire her. Everyone else is getting socks and a toothbrush. Just kidding, but that sure would be easy. When am I old enough to start doing that? They'll head to Tennessee for Thanksgiving, but will be with us for Christmas. Matt is flying in for Thanksgiving, then in December he jets off to Brugge, Belgium and Amsterdam for the Christmas markets. He'll be here for Christmas week full of stories to share. I can't wait. On that happy note, I'll head of to soak in a bubble bath and then snuggle under the covers with a book. I'm pooped. Until tomorrow, stay safe, stay well...and

You better watch out You better not cry You better not pout I'm telling you why

… Santa Claus is comin' to town! 47 days!!! XOXO, Nancy

[firespirited]

Yesterday I had an ultrasound scan of my salivary glands (wrt long term swollen tongue with ridges loss of taste and thick saliva) . It came out clear. Next step is a panoramic teeth x-ray. But after the post car ride migraine took me out, I had an odd moment of pain clarity if that makes any sense. I made a bunch of decisions weighing up the cost- benefits of various stuff. It just sort of clicked into a logical sense like when you understand the spoons metaphor but for multiple factors intersecting with energy. It was a horrid 16 hours rager of a headache and insomnia but I guess something shook loose. Funny how that happens.

Once i could use screens again, I continued the momentum and did a kon mari of youtube and instagram subs.

Anything not actually sparking joy/enjoying the actual person instead of fomo... unfollowed. I much prefer the tumblr dollblr vibe and the commentary channels were either critiquing media I just can't get around to watching any time soon or discourse I find a little silly (drama pays the rent but I hate rewarding the algorithms that pay for drama).

I've really enjoyed interactions over the past few months with folks here and it puts things into perspective. This is fun, it sparks joy, I can be useful and the rest is sinking work into an attention economy that my type of energy and output isn't made for. I've also been working painfully for over 7 months and while I can't take a break and vacations are for well people, I do need to cut myself some slack in other areas.

To Do lists become a weight around your neck if they were put together in a different time with different constraints. Even, if that was last week. You end up focusing on what you can't do instead of shelving that To Do list and making a new one that fits the current state of affairs. Or in this case, multiple lists: daily, physio goals, hobby projects, destash...

❇️ I'm going to do some hobby stuff at the end of the month even if it costs me because that's a thing just for me and not chores. The head bundle didn't sell (the buyer is a regular question asker who's interested then doesn't actually buy) so I've removed all those reroots and will be sending them out to be rehomed this autumn (energy permitting). I haven't been spending money on the hobby and doing ok with very occasional treats.

Next up:

❇️ Map routes to walk that avoid the tiger mosquito danger zones - there's a stagnating stream close to the phone library. Keep to set times due to the heat wave.

❇️ Delete TV, films and documentaries that aren't actually fun-fun or seem to rehash stuff I already know. I went ahead and got paperbacks of bell hooks just to have in hand. Felt extravagant but she's essential.

❇️ Schedule medical appointments after the heatwave is over. Factor in the post car-ride migraine to weekly chores.

❇️ Stop beating myself up for being 'negative', it's ok to be annoyed and angry. However, recognizing patterns of things that are not worth engaging with when you're overtired and sore is also a good habit. Writing this stuff down helps to remember.

Discourse is the mind killer, Explaining capitalism or Barbie is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will NOT face the discourses. I will permit it to pass over me by aggressively muting or scrolling past. And when it has gone past I will NOT turn the inner eye to say that very pertinent take even if the other person is completely off base.

[pikespendragon67]

And Now, The Long Awaited "Pikes Check-up" Fall 2023 Edition!!

Decided to make it a habit to type out my current interests/progress in life in case I find it difficult to jump into conversations with friends

Let's begin, shall we?

Current Life Events

It's been over a month and I still haven't had my annual review at work so if I don't get it by the end of December I may go nuts. Need to either get a better position in this firm, get better payment, or probably find a job somewhere else because wow working 8 hours (which is essentially 10 due to traveling & 1 hour lunch break) is not worth $20 an hour [i'm in CA so that's like barely above minimum wage & i gotta keep other expenses in mind].

On that note, I do have an interview for a state job next Friday (though I hope my coworkers/supervisor don't find it odd that I dress as usual on casual Fridays) and I keep getting calls from legal recruiters, so that's a good sign. Might try a probate firm since I enjoyed being a loan signing agent.

Brother and sister-in-law are hosting Thanksgiving this year! This will be the first time in decades where my parents don't host (and even then, it's mainly just a few family friends instead of actual blood relatives when they host. Think the last time I've been to a family Thanksgiving was when I was 7?) I get to properly meet my niece-in-law instead of just seeing her at the wedding. Sadly no nephews-in-law, so I might need to cut back on the gaming talk

Next party event for me is White Elephant with IRL friends, then for Chrimbus my parents & I are gonna go see my godparents for a week. Finally a week vacation (I need better hours too OTL)

With every passing day I think of gender being wonky so hopefully one day (when I'm financially stable to be on my own comfortably and without the fear of losing things) I can figure it out. Right now I'm thinking of using Bishop as a secondary online name but we'll see if that sticks.

Possibly maybe could go to Japan in April? Mom said she's organizing an event with my brother's old high school and she might be able to get my dad & me to join. Though I'd be a complete weeb, so I feel like I'd be rude to folks in Japan, I'd still love to go.

What I'm Playing

As much as I love Sea of Stars, I was getting antsy to play something else. (Especially when I heard the requirements for the true ending). SO, I decided to swap over to Digimon Survive since my brother got it for me for Chrimbus last year. I would've played it at launch but of course Xenoblade 3 came out at the same time and then I got lost playing Pokemon Scarlet then Hi-Fi Rush then Octopath 2 then replaying 999 then Ghost Trick then Sea of Stars-

But yeah I'm loving the character writing so far in Survive (I'm on part 3 most likely going to end with the moral ending) and the Digivolutions keep me on my toes. I don't think there's a branching system like in the Zero Escape franchise/AI The Somnium Files, so I'm not sure if I'll do a repeat playthrough. Gameplay itself has an isometric camera like FF Tactics so it can be a bit wonky placing your units to attack enemies. Plus I like how this game actually tells me what path I'm taking (hint hint Triangle Strategy before New Game+)

I also just got Super Mario RPG but the timing for action commands feels off? I press when the exclamation point appears but apparently I have to wait for the attack to actually connect. Weird

Then for games I'm watching through LPs because of time/funds/my wrists being god awful so it's hard to play games, I just finished watching Judgment and I think Yakuza Like a Dragon still holds the award for the game that made me cry the most but damn this also had good moments.

I'm also now watching P5 Tacticia (might get it if I can get used to Xcom gameplay) and man I can really make a babygirl meter based on the older dudes in P5 (going from Kasukabe to Sojiro probably)

New PFP that I've named Hattagan c:

Finally, man I might want to sell my PS5 despite it being my graduation gift from 2021. It's uncomfortable to play it with my current chair (as I like to usually play games lying down to help my back), and with me working full-time now, it's difficult to find motivation to play when I get back home. I'd need to connect to my work's Wi-Fi to take advantage of remote play, unfortunately. And while I could get a longer USB cord to keep the controller charged or get a bean bag or something, my room's way too small for that configuring & I'd have to keep unplugging the console when we clean every other week. Most of the games I want to play are already on Steam and are playable on the Deck, so I might use that instead. (Though I pray Ghost of Tsushima and Gravity Rush 2 get ported, then Yakuzas 4-6 are made playable for Deck).

Current Collection Wants So Far

Ever since I've garnered my own funds, I've made a habit of collecting fan things. It usually boils down to plushies (mostly Pokemon, but now favorite characters as well), games to collect (currently Switch, GBA, DS, 3DS, and Vita since I'm not really playing my PS5 for PS4 games anymore), Fire Emblem Cipher cards, and now DVDs for series/movies I like because I can't trust streaming services these days. Don't know if I'll be able to do Pokemon cards because I just collect for art & characters I like. Plus with how the Paul brothers ruined that market, I'd prefer to not dip my toes in that. When I get my own place, hopefully I can get other consoles to collect for. (Also I'm not planning on getting everything; mainly just games that pique my interest).

What I'm Watching

Last week, I saw the new Digimon 02 movie dubbed. Glad that Davis, Veemon/Ken, and Hawkmon reprised their roles. The only real issue I had was Armadillomon having the Stitch voice instead of the usual Texan accent. Other than that, Digimon's movies has this weird air of trying to market to nostalgic fans by telling them to move on from Digimon. I get folks didn't like the ending of the original 02 for shipping reasons, but the DigiDestined still had their Digimon as adults so I think it's a bit mean to say adults can't have Digimon or that they should stop having them. On that note, I felt like the "villain" could've been more terrifying if they actually showed how messed it up it was. (Like you're expecting me to believe it created Diaboromon just by it saying it watched the events on TV?)

So along with me nearly finishing Scott Pilgrim Takes Off (just have 2 episodes left since I decided to binge last night), here's what I'm watching in the fall 2023 anime season

needless to say i am going insane so i'll at least give some highlights

Paradox Live: I got into the series for Saimon back before the anime came out (I think it was a few months before Buraikan were officially revealed?) and wow the songs are great. You might've noticed me posting some of the groups like TCW, AKYR, etc. So far the animation for the series is self is pretty good, though they're changing a few story beats from the audio dramas. Like man we're getting starved on AKYR content. In terms of my favs, they're Saimon, Haruomi, Hokusai, and Shiki with Anne getting an honorable mention as well

Undead Unluck: I love the fast-paced humor and animation. I think the director for the Monogatari series is working on this and it's paying off in spades.

I'm dreading next week's episode of Jujutsu Kaisen and I'm praying that when Hiromi's in the anime that he'll get a good casting for both sub and dub (my hopes are Akio Otsuka and Joe J. Thomas, but that's personal bias talking). If he ends up dying I might drop the series.

Black Jack appeared in episode 1 of Pluto and that got me so stoked. Like I know Black Jack and Astro Boy are both Tezuka, but still.

Everything else is great, mind you, but my mind can only process so much. I'm also hoping to see Boy & The Heron when it comes out because Robert Pattinson actually voice acts in it, so here's hoping he gets other opportunities like that.

I'll most likely edit this post to add some other things, but yeah, that's my current status atm!

[dalliansss]

Love Paradise Prompts:

"Since when did you know how to barbecue?" "I always have. I've just never gotten the chance to cook for you like this." - Celegorm/Luthien (I'm dying on this hill...likely alone.)

love paradise - summer vacation scenarios for your otp

Himlad was looking like the home base. At least, Lúthien thinks it is -- they haven't moved for months now, and going on for about a year, and her husband's hunters and people have begun building a settlement. All around the hills and plains that made up the region, there is always an on-going construction project, mostly supervised by Turko's brother, Curufin, and nephew, Celebrimbor.

She gave birth here, in the wild regions of Himlad, with nobody to assist her except Turko. For an ellon, he surprisingly knew what to do, and he gave her a leaf to chew on as her labor pains wracked her, and gave her leave to curse him as much as she liked. This she did, and she found she rather enjoyed it, and -- if he was up to it, gave her more children of his, she'll happily continue cursing him as she birthed their infants.

There is one infant now, one they (well, she, mostly) named Dior. Said boy had gone out an hour ago, skipping happily along being trailed by butterflies, dressed in pelts his ada found and sewn for him, toting around his small bow, a quiver of arrows on his back. This left Lúthien free to continue her chore in the kitchen: marinating some wild hog meats with a sauce the recipe of which she learned from Talathiel, her handmaiden, who had relocated to Himlad with her after her marriage.

Somewhere outside her house, a small explosion is heard, no doubt from Curufin and Celebrimbor's forges. Something always explodes one way or another in those forges. Turko told her to keep away lest she might be caught in the blast radius.

She has an hour for her marinade to be done. Lúthien occupies herself by getting some books Celebrimbor left her -- helpful language books that dealt with Sindarin translations into Quenya. Her hour she passes reading words and passages in Sindarin, then pronouncing them in Quenya, learning her husband's language more with each day.

When the hour is done she returns to her cooking, and she starts a fire at the backyard and soon she is grilling the hog meats. Turko taught her many things: how to start a fire, both for campfire and cookfire; how to forage for edible berries, fruits, roots, herbs and mushrooms. She wants to learn how to hunt as well, and how to skin and quarter game, but Turko tells her they have all the time in the world and she needn't rush.

She is supervising her cooking when she hears Turko come in. Dior's laughter is ringing bright and clear like a silver bell. Lúthien straightens up and turns, just as Turko joins her, holding Dior by the right ankle as if he was not their son, but some wayward beast Turko caught in the wild. Their boy however is flushed with laughter.

"You're cooking?" Turko asks, quirking a blond eyebrow at her, then at the grilling meats behind her.

"Yes, I put to good use the recipes I learned and the skill set you taught me," Lúthien smiles.

"Didn't know you can barbecue," Turko continues as he flips Dior upright with ease, and sets their child upon his broad, strong shoulders. Dior is grinning wide, and quickly buries his small hands into his father's honey-blond braids.

"It is a recently acquired skill, and I wanted to show off," Lúthien grinned at him, cheeky.

Turko smirks in answer. He leans in and helps himself to a kiss off her sweet, miruvor-like lips, and Lúthien answers the kiss just as fervently.

"Disgusting," Dior wrinkles his nose at his parents from his perch.

Turko breaks the kiss, and he pulls back, patting their son's right knee. "Yes, yes, Dior. Kissing a woman is disgusting to you now, but I'll laugh once you grow up, and discover that elleths are a noble pursuit all on their own."

@antares0606

[tammyblackday]

Family.

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of chaos, emotion, joy, and sadness.

Just before Thanksgiving, my dad's wife died. Her death was shocking and sad to say the least. I reached out to my ex-husband's family to get a message to my two children, who haven't had a relationship with me in years to let them know of her passing.

My middle son called me back. We talked for quite sometime and ended our conversation with an agreement to take baby-steps to building a relationship. Then, while my husband and I were on vacation with my sister and her husband in Hawaii, I received a phone call from my son asking if I'd come over that Monday to watch my grandson.

I've never met my grandson. I never even knew of his birth until months after he was born. It was devastating to learn through a mutual friend on social media about his existence. I've cried so many tears over this heartbreak, then suddenly, I'm being asked to watch him but can't because I'm in Hawaii. We talked for nearly an hour, and connected about many things. Still. I cried after we got off the phone. My heart aching to know my grandson and be part of their lives.

Then, just three days ago, I get a request from my son to take my grandson overnight. He's a little under a year and a half old, so I explained it might be best for their family to come visit before we did a solo trip. However, after a few conversations explaining their need to have 24 hours to get some things in order for the holidays, I agreed to take him.

It has been a surreal couple of days.

I drove 1 hr 15 min to pick him up. Stayed for an hour to "get to know" him. Then, loaded up my Jeep with all I would need for the next 24 hrs. I hadn't even touched him, yet I was driving away with him to our home another 1 hr 15 min back.

He's a sweet little boy. Smart. Fun. Adorable.

We took him and my other grandson and daughter to the Oregon Coast aquarium. Played, had dinner, watched cartoons, then attempted to settle in for bedtime. Unfortunately, we found out yesterday, the little guy was getting sick and we had a rough night. One that left me heartbroken and weeping at 3am trying to comfort him through crying out for his mom and dad.

Heartbreaking.

After a few hours of rest, we got up and had breakfast. I wrapped presents and packed up his things to make the journey to take him home. Dropping him off felt awkward and transactional despite the gratitude expressed for taking care of him. I explained how it seemed like I basically kidnapped a baby who didn't know me, took him to a strange place away from his mommy and daddy, and expected it to somehow turn out okay. I felt like I'd messed it all up and risked not seeing him again somehow. That feeling passed throughout the day and after more in depth conversations with my son.

Then, my dad called me last back from a missed call earlier in the day. He said he wanted to tell me something.

"I love you. Thank you for loving me and for all the times you kept trying to reach out even when I was pushing you away. I love you for it all."

Little-Big-Girl bawling as I heard these words. I felt all the pain and heartache I've experienced over the years from him melt away. Still. I wonder why I keep trying so hard. Why did I agree to take my grandson, when I'd never met him? Why do I put myself in challenging situations in an attempt to gain the love I so deeply desire from my family? Why do I keep letting them emotionally wound me? I told my son that I was a glutton for punishment.

Am I? Or, do I simply love my family so deeply that I would do anything for them?

It's the latter, I think.

[cisthehuman]

Cis Rambles: 10--The Future of Streaming~

It's not a goodbye! It's a 'See You When I See You' type of deal.

Trigger Warnings: Family Tragedy, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts (while I don't go into great detail about these thing, they are mentioned)

To explain myself and how I've been feeling, we should talk about why I started streaming in the first place.

I've said it a few times on stream, and possibly on here in a post, but I started streaming a few months after my dad suddenly passed. At that time, I was thinking 'Oh shit, we really don't have long to live. I need to do stuff I've been wanting to do before I kick the bucket too!'. At the same time, I've withdrawn from my friends a bit at the time, and I wanted streaming to be a thing to show them I'm okay and hanging in there.

And not everyone will understand the pain and energy it takes to grieve. It's been three years now and it still sucks ass, but it was even worse during those first few months when the wounds were very fresh. I don't even remember those months now as it's blocked it out of my memory. On top of navigating this new normal without my father, I went to graduate school which required even more energy and time. And to make matters even more confusing I was beginning to experience my first symptoms of PCOS which made my mental and physical health even worse.

I'm unfortunately not a stranger to poor mental health. I've considered cutting my time on this planet short enough times to know that I have to take extreme care of myself to be strong enough to fight off these thoughts. The stress of taking up some of my father's responsibilities, dealing with loss, school (which then turned into work stress when I got employed), and the ups and downs of chronic illness made me very weak to find happiness and enjoy my hobbies.

Now, don't get me wrong--streaming positively affected me during this time. I was able to do some streams with my irl friends, meet new people, and experience new stories/games that I never considered playing. The highlights was playing Our Life. The small group that amassed during that time was very fun. It made me feel lighter and brighter! And in the future when the sequel comes out, you bet your bottom dollar I'll be streaming it!

Tangent aside, while streaming was fun and did give me something new to do, I became a bit too ambitious with it. That is all on me. I started trying to make this into my third job and the two that I have take up a lot of my time. I started to bite off a bit too much than I could chew. I wanted to make a big overarching story for my streams and make all of these cool things for it...and with my limited energy I usually missed my self imposed deadlines which would make me very upset and feel even worse for myself. On top of that my lovely (but fairly cheap) set up would sometimes make streaming impossible, which added unnecessary pressure. I would think the small viewership I had would forget me, I could never get this to take off, all of this was for nothing.

That was when I realized I lost sight of what I was doing with streaming. I forgot that my original goal was just to sit around and have fun, whether no one or several people showed up. It was something I wanted to do to just relax. Instead I turned it into something I avoided.

I needed to take a step back. I took a small vacation from my job and truly sat around and did nothing. It was the first time in the last three years that I just enjoyed being alive. It was a sobering experience for me as I realized that I also haven't fully processed all of my grief and traumas. Resting also helped me get more energy to feel more present with people I care about and be more mindful of what I was doing healthwise.

This brings us to now! Streaming is going on an indefinite hiatus. There may be times where I randomly have one, but I won't stick to a particular schedule. I need more time to myself to get to a place where I'm mentally and physically able to bring streaming in as a bigger piece of my life. I've been in this place mentally before, and instead of giving myself time, I ruined things for myself and wasn't the best person to other people. That's a scar I'll keep, but I'd like to be better this time around!

So yeah! If you made it through this half planned/half stream of consciousness, thank you! Like I said, it's not a I'm completely gone type of thing. I just need to rest properly. I like putting my whole self into things, and I just don't have enough 'me' to put into this sadly. But don't worry! I'll still pop up with things! I'll still make posts on here as well!

One day, CisLunar will be back and ready to roll!

[freepassbound]

10. What are your future plans?

13. All of pets you’ve ever had

22. Your plans for summer

26. What language do you want to learn?

41. Are you happy with where you live?

✨✨✨ please and thank you 😁

10. What are your future plans?

I really don't know. This past year in the new teaching job was really stressful, and if next year is anything like that... well, I don't know that I want to continue with this job. It seems like I could pivot to tutoring full-time without much of a problem - but that carries all kinds of disadvantages around insurance and taxes, and it is more uncertain.

13. All of pets you’ve ever had

Three dogs: one who preceded me and passed when I was literally a toddler (so I don't really remember them); one from when I was in middle school to college, a beagle who would run off after anything; and one from my mid-20s to late-30s, a black lab mutt who loved snuggling and who also wound up absorbing a lot of our neuroses.

22. Your plans for summer

I have nothing concrete; right now I'm just slowly trying to set right all the stuff that went sideways during my bad spell last month. I'm doing some tutoring, I'll probably try to sneak in a short vacation or two, and getting the house sorted has been a checklist item for... seven-and-a-half years now. Nothing remarkable.

26. What language do you want to learn?

French has always been top of the list, even if the original reason isn't valid anymore. I don't suppose I'd change it as the choice, though.

41. Are you happy with where you live?

Hmm. I think it might be more accurate to say that I'm very attached to where I live? I suppose I'm happy enough - I've never seriously imagined living elsewhere (and at this point I almost certainly don't have the financial means to move).

I value my community, and I try to help it out with my work and my custom; I like knowing where everything is, and having long-time favorites.

On a tighter scale, I think it's a pretty nice house, in a reasonably good spot. I wish I could feel comfortable going for a walk or a bike, but the road is too busy and not designed for that (in my opinion). The yard is a source of stress because I don't trust myself with plants and I hate cutting things down - but it's also very nice at the same time, as I get deer stopping by, plus a nice variety of birds, and rabbits, possums... used to get turkeys, but I haven't seen any in a long while.

[mindy-lichtman]

So at the start of the year 2023, I've had the most rough and tumble year ever.

I suffered a miscarriage last year in November due to a mentally abusive ex who, thankfully, is no longer a part of my life and he continues not to be a part of my life.

I apparently accidentally gave a guy that I'm in love with doubts about us all because I asked him if he wanted to go shopping with me at a store in Jacksonville florida, and then I went to whole months to without coincidentally running across him or him running across me.

Not too long after my fear about that, in the span of 30 days one of my aunt's passed away, a family acquaintance passed away and a close friend of mine named Dee passed away.

I have a Facebook but I took a week and a half vacation off of it because of the spate of losses. I come back and everything was calm for about a month and a half. Earlier this week I have come to the conclusion that nothing drastic happened, the man I'm in love with didn't view me badly but he's 71 and me and him haven't run across each other by coincidence for pretty much to whole months. I actually sincerely believed he passed away because he is always driving around on the roads half the time, either in a motorhome or on a motorcycle. My heartbroken over that and then a couple days ago, I was a knowingly complicit in a counterfeit check scam and thus my account is frozen and unable to be used. So this means now I don't have access to my paycheck for my work as a cashier.

Add to the fact, the front office were spoke to on the phone about it railroaded me and telling my side of the story where is the bank teller who was having the three-way conversation with me told me before the call was made that I would be made to tell my series of events. I was completely railroaded and gaslighted on the top of that. The fraud officer, a woman, railroaded me , interrupted me and then when I stood my ground and still tried to say A to point b about the series of events which led my account having counterfeit checks deposited to my account, she actually snapped out over the phone at me and said I was interrupting HER!

I didn't think to get her name before all of that started and I really regret it because I actually could have her job for that. It was like in some reason, she was completely biased towards me and thus didn't want to hear her a lick of anything to actually prove me 100% innocent.

Every time I take two steps forward in anything to straighten my life up to be a little bit more successful than I am currently, setbacks like this happen all of the time. I was in a horrific car crash in October 2021 and I am long since healed, but when my mind goes into a dark place like this, I often feel what was the point? I survived so I can jump right into hellfire like this?

I feel heartbroken, broken, I feel drained and on top of that, I feel worthless as shit.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

Church (Choi San) Rated

Pairing: Choi San × Reader (Female)

Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff, College AU, Friends to Enemies(?), Enemies to Lovers (?)

Summary: He used to be her best friend until he abandoned not only his childhood beliefs, but her in the process. One night, he decides to show her a glimpse of what she's been missing out on. Inspired by Chase Atlantic's Church .

Word Count: 6.3+K

Warnings: Mentions of religious beliefs, brazen college parties, allusions to alcohol/nicotine intake, body insecurity (reader has small breasts), oral (female receiving), fingering, nipple play, body worship/praise, slight cumplay, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (always use protection), slight corruption kink, inexperienced reader, experienced San. (Probably forgot something)

Taglist: @little-precious-baby @yunhoiseyecandy @yunhofingers @galaxteez @brie02 @deja-vux @a-soft-hornytiny @multidreams-and-desires @couchpotatoaniki @daniblogs164 @yunsangoveryonder @minhyukmyluv @nanamarkie

╬╬═════════════╬╬

The infamous rebel let out a pernicious snicker when he saw the serene and usually proper former acquaintance walk in his direction.

"Are my eyes deceiving me or is that really the pastor's prissy little daughter out past her bedtime in a college party?" He found the situation much too amusing that he just had to point it out.

"I have a name you know." The female he was referring to halted in her steps to turn her head and give him an unkind and unfriendly look.

"You have several, actually. There's goody two shoes, priss, prude, prig-"

"Oh shut the fuck up Choi San." She scoffed as she began walking away from him, already feeling annoyed by his presence.

The man trailed after her, his face donning a shocked expression as he flailed his arms around in a dramatic way.

"Guys it's happening! The apocalypse is really here if L/N Y/N has not only attended a wild party full of debauchery, but her mouth has actually uttered out cursed words!" He shouted out, the other attendants either joining in laughing at her or ignoring him in favor of the bottles or sticks in their fingers.

"I'm surprised you even know what that word means." She turned to look at him with a mocking smile, arms crossed over her chest.

"Please, I know a lot more than you have ever pretended to know." He clicked his tongue, elbow coming up to rest on the wall next to him.

"Is that why you turnt corrupt and abandoned everything you believe in?" She couldn't help but spat back at him.

"Hey at least I was honest and didn't hide it like you people who lead double lives. Preaching one thing but living the total opposite. You're all nothing but a bunch of hypocrites." The venom in his voice was unmistakable, nose scrunching up in disgust as he remembered gross sins he had more often than not had witnessed from people who claimed to be pure and holy.

"I do not lead a double life." She remarked.

"Oh really? Then why the hell are you here in a college party? Full of alcohol, drugs and walking STDs? Riddle me that princess." His foot tapped against the floor, patiently awaiting an answer from her.

Y/N swallowed the non existent lump in her throat and turned her gaze to the floor in embarrassment.

"I just wanted to see what it was like. Just once." She admitted begrudgingly, the man in front of her chuckling lowly.

"Well you sure are going to have a lot to confess on Sunday to your dad. Silly girl, walking into the lion's pit like this." He jeered at her.

"Don't get ahead of yourself. Just because I came here doesn't mean I've done anything morally wrong." She counteracted his words to which he only snorted.

"Yet."

Tired of his overly obnoxious attitude, Y/N spun on her heel to get away from him, but she spun so carelessly and fast that she ended up bumping into another classmate who unfortunately was holding a full cup of beer that ended up being doused all over her white blouse.

"Oops! Sorry, my bad." He excused himself, looking completely unapologetic about the situation.

Meanwhile Y/N looked absolutely horrified as she took in the drenched state of her shirt that now had the stench of alcohol on it. The fact San was bursting out in giggles only served to make her even more mad.

"Now tell me how do you plan on explaining that to dear old-"

"Can it San or I swear I'll gauge your eyes out." She threatened him as she stormed out the building, not caring that she bumped into a few figures on her way out.

Feeling just a bit of empathy for his old friend, San sighed softly before following after her. Upon catching up to her, he took hold of her wrist and started dragging her in the opposite direction.

"Hey! Get your filthy hands off me! I will not hesitate to scream!" She tried tugging her arm away.

"Calm down I'm not planning on kidnapping or anything like that sweetheart. I'm taking you back to my car."

She let out a dry laugh at that.

"But that's not kidnapping?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"I have a spare shirt in the backseat that you can change into. Unless you wanna go home smelling like PBR." He looked back to see the mess one more time, lips curling up into a smirk.

Against her better judgment, she allowed him to take her all the way where his car was parked, standing there quietly as San rummaged through the backseat before taking out a clean plain white tshirt and held it out to her.

"Here. Put it on."

She looked at him with a face that asked if he was stupid.

"Well what?" He asked.

"Oh yes..I'm totally going to strip in a middle of the street and let anyone passing by see." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Oh for fuck's sake, there's nobody here, nobody is going to see and frankly I don't think anyone cares about seeing your non existent boobs." He scorned at her as he gestured to her chest.

"Ok rude and uncalled for." She felt slightly hurt by his comment, having always been somewhat insecure about the size of her chest.

"Don't look." She warned him.

"Not like I want to." He jeered at her as he turned away to not only give her privacy, but to also serve as a lookout for anyone that might accidentally show up and see the scene. He could hear her behind him tearing off her clothes and then slipping it back on.

"Ok there. I'm done." Y/N announced as she stuffed the soiled shirt into her bag.

"Not even a thank you?" San pouted slightly, to which Y/N gave a feigned smile.

"Thanks."

With that said and done, she brushed past him and started walking away, absolutely done with the night.

"Careful not to get caught sneaking back inside your house." She heard San say from behind.

"For your information I'm not living with them anymore. I moved into the dorms 2 months ago." She stated in a matter of factly, a proud look on her face.

"Well in that case....want to ride back with me?" He offered.

"Yeah no, I'd rather take my chances at being kidnapped and then butchered up. Besides, I wouldn't want to cut your wild night short." She declined the offer.

"Stop being so negative Nancy and accept my generosity. Geez."

Running over to her, he quickly snatched her up and threw her over his shoulder, ignoring her shocked exclaims and protests.

"Now this is really kidnapping!" She declared.

"Yeah I know, now shut up before I duct tape that bratty mouth of yours." San grinned mischievously as he tossed her into the backseat and shut the door before striding over to get on the driver's seat.

"Oh come on. Stop looking at me like I'm a criminal. Just because I indulge in a few sins every now and then, doesn't make me into a bad person." He stated when he saw the dirty look she gave him.

"Whatever." She muttered as she locked in her seatbelt.

San opted for just driving back to the dorms and get Y/N tucked in her bed since it was clear to him she needed it.

╬╬═════════════╬╬

"You're lucky my roommate is on vacation, otherwise I would have left your ass back there." Y/N spewed out as she threw her keys onto her dresser.

"Thanks Y/N, I always said you were the nicest and most giving person in the planet." San complimented her as he felt he should given she was letting him stay the night in her dorm after a little tiny incident with his keys dropping inside one of the manholes surrounding the university. And the administration office wouldn't be open til the morning, meaning he was screwed unless his roommate showed up to let him in, but that was a definite no since San knew Seonghwa would definitely end up in someone else's bed and come back til the next day, hickeys plastered all over his neck and chest.

"No, you always said I was the most stuck up-"

San shushed her by pressing a hand over her mouth.

"You dwell so much on the present image of me you drew up in your head that you completely erased the friend you had all those years ago." He slid his hand off her mouth, shoulders slumping down as he turned away from her to crouch on the floor.

"That friend doesn't exist anymore, that is if he even existed in the first place. If I recall, my friend wasn't into parties, booze, vaping, tattoos, piercings and fucking around with every whore in the school."

San didn't say anything as he heard her ramble, he just let her talk away as she started pulling out spare blankets and pillows for him to use.

"My Sannie was sweet, cute, adorable, always ready to lend people help and respectful to others." She reminisced with a sad look. Pulling her expression straight, she laid out the blankets and started arranging them neatly on the floor.

"I still am."

San's voice was so quiet that she barely registered that he even opened his mouth in the first place, but she heard him.

"Maybe if you weren't so puffed up with pride and didn't cut me off after I cut ties with the church, you'd see that I'm still the way I was. You think I changed completely because of ink and metal on my body? Because I wanted to try certain substances and yes, satisfy some perfectly normal and humane needs?"

Y/N averted her gaze from him and continued the task she was in. San let out a despondent scoff.

"Of course you do. And yet didn't I just demonstrate to you back there that I haven't changed? Giving you my shirt, giving you a ride, yeah I know, it's not much and no big deal, but wasn't those the types of things I'd do even back then?"

Y/N's tongue poked against her cheek as she knew she couldn't deny that was San said was absolutely true. He did nothing different back at the party as he used to do years ago. Helping old ladies with grocery bags, giving away some of his clothes to less fortunate kids, he was always known as being such a giving and kind person.....

No wonder so many were devastated when it was announced he had resigned as a member of the church. Y/N herself was hurt and even indignated by his decision. And after that she adamantly refused to see him or talk to him, and of course San respected her decision and avoided contacting her so as to not make her uncomfortable. He understood that their friendship was broken and he wasn't going to overstep boundaries just to try and fix it when the other party didn't want it. So he just decided to live his life as he thought was right without his conscience bothering him. And he was much happier now, he felt free, something that he had never felt before. Perhaps he was so chained down by formality, discipline, strict regulations and even fear that he didn't realize that he was miserable all that time until his eyes were fully open and he found he didn't like what he saw, especially after seeing the dark and ugly side of what was supposed to be a safe and pure sanctuary. He was let down severely and he suffered in the process. But now that was behind him and he had no regrets......

Except Y/N. He truly missed her and her company. As he laid on the makeshift bed on the floor, he found himself unable to sleep as he recalled all those fond times spent with her. The trips to the lake, hiking, first day of school, their first accident after he had gotten his driver's license. He let out an involuntary smile at that memory. Unbeknownst to him, the girl on her bed was equally reminiscing on the old days filled with her best friend. She had been so alone ever since she distanced herself from him, the world now feeling empty and cold without him. Shifting around in her bed, she whined into her pillow as she desperate tried to sleep.

"What's the worst thing you've ever done?" Her question startled San momentarily.

"Are you that sleep deprived that you're suddenly asking me to confess my worst sins?" He chuckled amusedly.

"Maybe it'll help me get actual sleep, I don't know. And.... I'm just curious." She clutched one of her plushies and started messing around with it.

"Curiosity killed the cat and I don't think your virgin mind will be able to handle my confession." He asserted confidently.

"I'm not a virgin, but oh well. Just tell me, what's the worst?" Her casual response made San flip out. He sat upright and kneeled at the front of her bed with an incredulous look.

"What do you mean you're not a virgin? When did you-?" He was so flabbergasted he wouldn't even finish his sentence.

Rolling over to where he was, Y/N smirked at him.

"Uh uh. I asked you a question first and you have to answer it before I can answer any you want."

Knowing he had no alternative, San placed his chin on the top of her mattress.

"Had a threesome with 2 of our professors." He laughed when he saw how shocked Y/N looked.

"What?! No way!" She refused to believe him.

"It's true. I won't tell you who they were since you won't be able to look at them the same way if I did...... I'll just dish this: they both got really huge tits and it's a shame they're married." He admitted with a smug expression.

"I can't believe you." She fanned her face which she was sure was now a deep crimson color.

"Ok now your turn. When did this happen? Who was it with?"

Y/N didn't even mind that San got up and crawled into her bed to lay down next to her. His face was rested on his hands as he looked at her with intense inquisitiveness. Knowing she'd have to talk about it sooner or later, she thought it would be best if San was the one to know since he would never tell anyone else and he'd understand since he was tainted as well.

"Remember when that group of missionaries came to stay over at our city for a while back in high school?"

San nodded, vividly remembering everything. Y/N blushed and smiled shyly.

"Do you remember that there was a family with a son our age? Chase?"

San widened his eyes and flopped over on his back as his hands came to hide his face.

"Oh dear lord, please don't tell me it was that Canadian boy." He groaned in pain.

"Yeah....yeah it was."

San couldn't stop cringing at the thought of his friend doing such a thing.

"How even did that happen?" He was so lost.

"I don't know! It just did ok? It happened while we were out in that camping trip. Somewhere there, we were left alone and we started talking about everything and nothing til it spiraled into talking about sex and us being virgins decided to see what was the big deal....." She bit her lower lip as the memory flashed in her mind. Looking over at San, she knew he was judging her as she expected. A tiny snort escaped his lips.

"That must have been the worst 45 seconds of your life." He joked, earning him a slap on his chest by Y/N's hand.

"It was not 45 seconds!............. it was 2 minutes."

San only laughed harder at that, nearly crying from how funny it was to him. He composed himself though when he saw how embarrassed Y/N looked about it. Feeling bad for laughing at her expense, he cleared his throat and patted her head.

"It's ok. First times are always awkward and uncomfortable. The problem was you weren't prepared and you were both inexperienced. He just didn't know how to please you."

Y/N couldn't help herself as she asked:

"And I suppose you can?"

Flipping onto his stomach, San cupped her chin with his hand and ran his thumb across her lower lip.

"Don't tread on dangerous territory little angel lest you want an evil demon to corrupt you." He warned her, and although he wouldn't actually follow through on it, he did want to tease her a little. But he wasn't expecting for Y/N to play along to his teasing, only she was not joking at all as she brought her face closer to his.

"Maybe I want you to corrupt me, show me what I've been missing out on." She brushed her lips against his, tongue daring to poke out and press on his slit briefly, leaving him stunned.

"You have no idea what you're asking for princess." San mused as he held himself back from touching her.

"I know what I'm asking for Choi San and what I'm asking for....is you." She responded with confidence.

Escaping from underneath the blanket that covered her, Y/N reclined back on the mattress, her head laying on her soft pillow as she gestured for San to come over to her, which he promptly did. Parting her legs so he could fit his body between them, he smirked softly down at her eagerness, fingers brushing against the soft skin on her thighs.

"You're serious about this?" He wanted to make sure it wouldn't be something she'd regret.

"I already messed up once, what's one more time gonna do?" She pulled him down against her, not caring when he lost balance and accidentally crushed her under him with his muscular body.

"Besides...." Wanting to further entice him, Y/N brushed her lips against his ear.

"Look at me and tell me you don't want to fuck me. That you don't want to stuff that hard cock of yours into my tight and inexperienced pussy. Bet you're itching to tear into me until I'm crying under you. Don't you want that?"

San let out a moan at hearing such filthy and depraved talk from her. It only fueled his appetite and hunger for indulging in carnal desires.

"Yes... I want that.... I want you."

Closing space between them, San molded his lips over hers, encasing them in a sloppy and wet kiss. Y/N could faintly make out the leftover scent of alcohol and nicotine as she let him taste her mouth, but she didn't mind or felt grossed out by it. She just kept her lips parted and allowed him to move his tongue freely inside her. Cupping her cheeks, San continued to roll his tongue over hers, massaging it gently with both deep yet gentle strokes. When he pulled away, he made sure to tuck her bottom lip between his teeth, pulling it towards him as Y/N let out a moan that was like music to his ears. Pausing briefly, their lips were barely touching as they breathed in each other's air. San was the first one to break into a smile, the one that had Y/N melting since it displayed his dimples to the fullest.

"Never thought I'd hear that sound come out of your pretty mouth." He teased her.

"S-shut up." She frowned, hand reaching up to smack his chest.

"It's not a bad thing. I like it. Now let's see if I can make sure you keep them up."

Stuffing his face into her neck, San ghosted his lips across her skin, tongue subtly poking out solely to hear her breath hitch slightly. Dipping his tongue into her collarbone, his lips opened up so they could firmly latch and spread wet kisses across her neck. Y/N gasped when she felt teeth sink down, head tilting back to give San more room which he took advantage of. Focusing on particular spots that he knew she was sensitive in, he sucked her skin into his mouth. Each time he pulled away, he reveled when he saw the finished mark that was now painted on her skin.

"I would love to see your parent's reaction to my love bites." He brushed a fingers across the newest spot he just embedded in her body, hand then reaching up to suddenly clasp around her neck. Y/N shuddered when his grip got tighter, her oxygen intake getting cut and making her feel hazy, but it was nonetheless enjoyable. Snaking a hand under her shirt, or more like his shirt, San swiped his tongue over his bottom lip as he started to pull the material up.

"How about I make some matching ones all across your pretty chest?"

Before he could lift the shirt any further, Y/N's hand clasped around his wrist, preventing him from moving any further.

"Don't." She begged him.

San retracted his hands away from her, fearing he made her uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry." He immediately apologized and began to move away from her, but Y/N's hands raked against his thighs to keep him in place.

"No, it's not you. It's just..... if we're going to do this, can I keep the shirt on? I don't...." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she admitted an insecurity of hers.

"I don't like my chest. My boobs are too small, it's unflattering and I'd rather you not see them." She slowly opened her eyes to see his reaction. San had a sad look on his face, bottom lip poking out as his fingers came up to brush against her cheek. Remembering what he had previously said back in the parking loyal, he felt terrible for saying that ill intended joke about her body. He probably hurt her and he didn't realize it.

"Y/N don't say that. Your chest size doesn't matter. You're beautiful the way you are and I bet underneath that layer is clothing there is the cutest and most adorable set of boobs in the world." She let out an involuntary giggle at his words, letting him run his hand down her clothed sternum.

"But if that's what you want, I'll respect it. Either way, my tshirt looks amazing on you." He acknowledged rather cockily.

Shifting further back, San took hold of the top of her shorts, making sure to look at her.

"Are you ok with these coming off?"

Y/N resisted the temptation to slap the top of his head.

"If you don't take them off, how are you going to fuck me genius?" She retorted.

"You'd be surprised at what I've learned." He uttered, mostly to himself than at her.

Like an expert, he practically tore her shorts down her legs, panties falling to the floor along with them. Y/N let out a soft squeal when he took hold of her thighs and brought her down so his face was at eye level with her most intimate part. San took a few seconds to admire her bare mound, lips parted and threatening to start drooling all over her thighs. Pressing both thumbs against each one is her lips, San pried her folds open, staring intently as he now clearly saw all of her.

"Oh fuck. I'm gonna need to prep you real good. I can tell you're going to be really tight."

She wanted to ask him what he meant by prep, but her words got caught in her throat when she felt his tongue delve into her core. She had never felt someone's mouth anywhere near her folds and she regretted not having experienced it before. Her eyes shut tight as she marveled at the sensation of San's tongue lapping at her bud, his lips making sure to enclose all around the flesh surrounding it before giving it gentle suckles. Shaky breaths blew out from her mouth, her legs wanting to close themselves around San's head but his firm grip on her thighs kept it from happening. He kept her knees pinned to the bed as his mouth continued to ravish at her taste, sloppily consuming her heat fervently. Her mind was so occupied in what he was doing that she didn't register the hand that slowly crept away from her thigh until she felt something poke at her entrance.

"Oh-" She gasped, opening her eyes to see what was going on.

"Relax princess. It's just my finger.....for now." He momentarily pulled off her heat to let her know what was happening before diving back in to continue his task of eating her out.

His finger inside her felt a little weird at first, sliding in slowly before pulling out only to plunge itself back into her. During one of those times where she expected him to slide back in, she was surprised when she felt herself being stretched out as San curled a second finger inside her. Keeping them lodged there, he began scissoring them alternatively so he could further spread her walls apart. During one of those movements, his fingertips brushed along her hood, making her hips slightly jolt up into San's face, who smiled against her folds as he now knew exactly where to angle his hips for later. Using this new knowledge, that was probably unbeknownst to Y/N, he slipped his fingers deeper into her, knuckles deep as he moved his tips rhythmically on the the spot he found. Y/N's mouth fell wide open into an 'O' as whiny gasps and airy moans poured out of it. San's mouth latched to her clit and his fingers working deep in her hole was producing a stirring in the lower pit of her stomach that she couldn't quite make out. But it felt good, especially since it continued to grow more and more, almost as if it was a cord about to snap.

"San- wait. I feel, I feel-" She couldn't finish her sentence as her body trembled slightly, a flood of overwhelming pleasure washing over her that was prolonged by San drinking up the juices that spilled forth out of her body. He didn't pull away until he made sure to swallow every drop she had to give.

"Aren't you grossed out?" She asked him, always having wondered about that.

"Nope. I love licking girl's pussies, especially if they're as sweet as yours." He affirmed while pulling his shirt off his body.

Y/N turned her flustered face away from him, keeping her gaze locked on the wall to her right, which was decorated with several polaroids of her with her family, friends and members of her church, some of them even had San in them, back when they were inseparable. Before she could become nostalgic, a strong set of hands clutched her chin and teared her gaze away from the pictures, forcing her to stare at the now naked man in front of her.

"Forget about that for now. Right now I want your full attention on me and what we're about to do. After we're done, that image of a good girl you have will gone." His words seemed to almost taunt her.

Although she tried not to look, Y/N's eyes fell in between San's legs, filled with astonishment when she glimpsed for the very first time at her former friend's member, fully erect and leaking at the tip as it awaited to be hugged by her warm walls.

"Like it? Maybe later I'll let you play with it." San giggled when her eyes shot up at him in surprise.

Placing himself to hover above her, he hummed lowly as he slowly stuffed himself inside her, working her open until he was fully nestled inside her warmth. Although she felt a light burn scraping against her inner walls, it wasn't unpleasant or painful like her first time. She could tell San knew exactly what he was doing as he began rolling his hips. Perfectly recalling exactly where to aim at, he made sure to angle his thrusts accordingly so each time he pushed back in, he'd hit her pleasure spot.

"Oh God-" Y/N exclaimed when he continued to brushed against the hood of her core.

"Really think it's a good idea to call out the good lord's name when I'm balls deep inside your pussy?" He asked with a malicious smirk plastered across his face.

"No baby. Tonight your only lord is me."

Pinning her wrists above her head, San continued pushing his cock deeper into her. The harsh pounding of his hips against hers was becoming louder, their bodies starting to get heated and producing sweat. Y/N couldn't do anything but whimper and wrap her legs around San's waist, keeping him firmly locked to her body. She closed her eyes once more as she felt the same familiar feeling from before start piling up, only it felt more intense and stronger probably due to the fact that she was getting railed to her bed by her ex best friend, whom she still cared about deeply. She was definitely not planning on making up with him this way, but holy hell, she couldn't deny that he was making her feel so many emotions at once. Pleasure, lust, satisfaction, happiness, euphoria, love? Perhaps that last one was definitely a stretch, but she blamed her confused thoughts on how well his cock was abusing her hole. She felt unable to focus on anything except him.

"Clenching so hard around me babygirl. Are you gonna cum all over my cock?"

Slipping one hand in between their bodies, San pressed his thumb against her clit, rubbing it back and forth so it would serve as an extra push to tip her over the edge. Y/N splayed her hands on San's lower back, nails raking against his skin, causing him to hiss.

"Fuck- am I seriously making you feel that good babygirl?" He knew for a fact he was feeling absolutely amazing, her tight warmth gripping along his shaft, making it hard for him to hold back much longer.

"Mmm yeah." She shamelessly moaned.

"Am I better than your first?" Although he already knew the answer, he still wanted to feed his ego and hear her say it.

"So much better! It feels so fucking good." She inhaled sharply when that she began to feel the sensation from before. With even louder cries from before, her body shook underneath San's, blood rushing to her head as an even greater orgasm coursed through her body. She was left speechless, a full on panting mess even after San had pulled out of her after helping her ride out her high.

"Oh geez. Shit." San's voice rasped out as he jerked himself off, his cum painting her thighs white, not stopping until he had finished coating them with everything he had to give.

Looking down at the mess, Y/N couldn't suppress a tiny giggle, one of her hands clasping over her mouth while the other picked up some of his cum and spread it between her fingers.

"Having fun there?" San grinned, finding her fascinated gaze to be completely adorable to him.

"Yeah.." She said as sat up to get a better look at the cum around her thighs.

"Well I was going to clean it off you, but seeing as you're so entertained by it, I'll just leave you with it."

Not forgetting that he was merely a guest, San slid himself off her bed and plopped his tired body onto the blankets on the floor. Closing his eyes, he was thinking he would finally be able to sleep, but he found his plans thwarted when he felt a pair of hands graze across his chest. Looking up, he found Y/N straddling his lap, biting down on her lower lip as she grinded her wet folds along his softened dick which was now becoming hard again thanks to her.

"What in the world are you doing you crazy girl?" He sucked in a breath, not expecting her to suddenly pounce on him.

"I wanna try that again." She pleaded, grinding her hips harder on him.

"Oh my- did I accidentally turn you into a nymphomaniac?" She chuckled at his joke and although he groaned as if he was frustrated, he obliged to her wishes and sat up.

Clasping her waist with his hands, he lifted her up and guided her so she could easily sink herself down on his length. Not letting go, he slowly rolled his hips up, burying himself deep in her body once more. Since they were both still riled up from their previous session, it didn't take long for both of them to start spewing out a clutter of moans and grunts as they once again get lost in a mist of lust that clouded their minds. San drunk up every expression on Y/N's face. Every twitch of her facial muscles, every shuddering breath she exhaled, each time her eyelids shut close, he marveled at seeing her enjoy the experience. He loved seeing her indulge in such an intimate practice with him, more so given how special she was to him, one of the most important people in his life aside from his family. Looking down at her torso, his fingers brushed along the hem of her shirt.

"Please...." His urging caught her attention.

"Please let me see all of you. I want to admire every inch of you and your beautiful body. I promise I won't laugh or judge. I just want to worship you."

Y/N hesitated briefly, still afraid to let him see what was hidden under the shirt.

"It's ok if you don't want to. I won't force you." He shot a kind smile at her as he focused back on making sure to drive his cock up into her.

Feeling safe and knowing she could trust her lifelong friend whom she thought of as a soulmate at one point, Y/N reached for the bottom of her shirt and peeled it off her body. Coming face to face with her bare chest, San groaned in ecstasy as he slid his hands up her body.

"Just as I predicted, you have very cute breasts."

Pulling her chest to his face, he opened his mouth and took one of her nipples in it, swirling his tongue around it before sucking on it. Y/N's fingers raked themselves through his hair, harshly tugging them when she felt his teeth sink themselves into her flesh.

"Aren't they too small?" She inquired.

Letting go of her breast with an audible pop, San cupped her chin.

"No baby, they're absolutely perfect. They're gorgeous, just like every other part of your body. You're gorgeous, absolutely stunning and holy fuck, you're driving me insane honestly." He confessed, his mouth diving into her other breast so it wouldn't feel left out from being tenderly kissed and sucked on.

His words sunk deep in Y/N's heart. He really did found her beautiful, attractive and it spurred something in her. Feeling a newfound passion, Y/N unconsciously began taking over their movements. Pushing against his thrusts, she began to set her own pace, rutting herself on top of his dick. San of course took notice and was happy about it.

"Oh wanna take over now baby? Well go ahead."

Laying back down on the floor, his eyes stared up at her with lust.

"Fuck yourself on me darling."

Encouraged by him, Y/N began bouncing herself on his cock. Finding an angle that she liked, she sunk down on his length over and over, her head thrown back as she used his body to push her down another spiral of immense pleasure. San just relaxed and admired the way she lost herself and gave into her deepest desires. He loved the way she rode his cock, and he loved feeling her walls tighten once more around his shaft.

"Oh shit- Sannie." She cried out his name as she quivered on top of him, her juices spilling out onto his cock once more.

Knowing fully well she was probably aching between her thighs, San gripped her hips and helped her ride out her climax so the feeling she was going through wouldn't go away just yet. He made sure to be gentle, easing her up and down his cock with absolute tenderness. Once he knew she was satisfied, he pulled her of him and set her down on the floor before sitting up above her body. Just like before, he took hold of his cock and began pumping his cum out of his body, plastering it all across her inner thighs and even splattering some on her stomach. Looking up, Y/N had the same giggly expression as before.

"Does my cum really make you burst into a fit of giggles?" He questioned her.

"I can't help it. It's just... I don't know. Maybe it's the fact it's so dirty and wrong, and then to have you spread it all over my body." She explained, which made San chuckle.

"Maybe I should baptize your thighs with my cum more often." Although he was joking, Y/N was more than willing to take him up on that offer.

"Will you?" She looked up at him with puppy eyes.

San studied her for a moment, before a wicked idea popped in his brain.

"How about you let me baptize and stain that pretty face of yours?"

Getting a hint of what he meant, Y/N got up on her knees while San stood up right in front of her, cock in hand as he brought it up to her lips.

"I hope you weren't planning on going to morning services tomorrow because I'm going to keep you up til morning until your knees hurt."