#Hate S*x

[holidaywishes]

Try Me

Hate Sex Part 6

  Requested: 👍

  Summary/Request: Begging for a continuation of the hate sex series 😳 perhaps after the Halloween party Auston starts acting more self destructive (getting into fights etc) and she gets word of it? He ends up in the hospital with an injury and she goes to him? When they talk, he confronts her about sabotaging their actual date and she's kinda stunned at the things she didn't realize she was doing to avoid falling for him? Maybe they have sex with his hand in a cast, maybe not, but either way she agrees to try?🥺

  Warning: smut, angst, violence, maybe mention of blood?

  Author's Note: Alright my loves, here's part 6 to Hate Sex. The continuation of the last chapter.. sort of. I'm sorry it's soooo long and that it's taken me so long to post it. I had to go back and read the previous chapters to see how things ended up and a lot of stuff has been going on in the last little while since I wrote the last chapter. I think everyone is falling for these two/waiting for them to get together so I'll do my best to get us there. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

  P.S. I had intended for this to feel like it was happening in the present, so when I started writing the last chapter it all would’ve happened in early 2024 and ended around the time that Auston was injured. The start of this chapter would have then been the few weeks he was off just before Christmas. All that being said, I understand that it is no longer Christmas 😂 which means that this isn’t fully happening in the present but hopefully, if I write another chapter, I’ll be able to get the timeline to match properly. But that’s a next-time-problem. 

  masterlist

  masterlist part ii

  the other masterlist

xx

Auston’s P.O.V

  Each day you couldn’t play was a day you felt like you were going crazy. You’d spent more of your time as Captain on the injured list than on the ice and you weren’t ready for everyone to say you weren’t ready. You were trying to be patient, trying to take care of yourself, so you could be the best for your team but sometimes it was hard to know what that meant.

  That’s when you saw it.

@marybrightly: Never a dull moment when the Christmas lights are up and I’m with @(Y/I/H)

  Seeing (Y/N)’s smile come up on your Instagram feed, even if it wasn’t on her account, brought back every feeling you’d tried to bury over the last year. You were happy to see her so happy but angry that she was living her life just fine after she pushed you aside. Or maybe you were just jealous that you couldn’t be the one to make her smile, especially at her favourite time of year. You liked the picture but quickly scrolled past so you didn’t go down that rabbit hole but seeing her made you even more eager to get back on the ice, so you could feel normal again. 

  Going out to lunch with Tessa and Mo was supposed to calm you down. They both knew how you were feeling, so they weren’t gonna harp on when you were gonna get better, and they also knew how complicated your feelings for (Y/N) were, so they weren’t gonna get into that. The only problem was… they were a happy, healthy couple. It came so naturally to them that you wondered why it had never happened to you. 

  “What are you thinking about?” Tessa asked

  “Christmas” you replied

  “Christmas?” Tessa and Mo said in doubt

  “Yeah,” you continued, “it’s coming up quickly”

  “Yeah, couple weeks…” Mo scoffed, trailing his words slightly

  “Right” was all you could say

  “Oh my god,” Tessa laughed, “either reach out to her or forget her!” Mo just about spit out his drink at Tessa’s statement, laughing as he watched your face shift into defensive mode

  “What?” you exclaimed

  “You know exactly who and what I’m talking about. It’s (Y/N)’s favourite holiday, you’re thinking about her. That’s fine,” Tessa said gently, “it’s normal. But you’re sulking”

  “I’m not sulking about her” you said

  “So you’re sulking about not getting to play?” Mo added and you shrugged

  “You’re sulking either way” Tessa said

  “It’s not like I want to sulk,” you replied, dropping your face to your hands, “it’s just.. if I was playing, I’d have my focus on something other than her. If I had her, and I wasn’t playing, at least… at least I’d have her”

  “That’s so cute” Tessa cooed

  “So cute,” you said, rolling your eyes, “I just wish I’d have some clarity or some closure from her…”

  “So ask her!” she said

  “She’s avoiding me!” you replied with as much exaggeration as Tessa

  “Let’s be clear, you’re avoiding each other” Mo chimed in

  “The point is,” you continued, “how am I supposed to ask her anything when she doesn’t want to see me? When she’s trying to avoid me?”

  “There’s always a chance you’ll run into her” Mo said

  “I really don’t think so” you scoffed

  “It’s Christmas,” he said, “anything is possible.”

xx

  When your dad called, saying he wanted to visit you, the last thing you expected was for him to show up at your doorstep 10 minutes later.

  “Dad!” you exclaimed, trying to veil your confusion with excitement, “what are you doing here?”

  “I told you I wanted to see you,” he laughed, “I don’t know if we’ll be in the same place for Christmas so… here I am”

  “Here you are,” you scoffed lightly before going in for a hug, “come in!” It was nice to see him. You didn’t get to spend a lot of time with your dad since you moved out of your hometown, so whenever one of you found an excuse, you always tried to make the most out of your time together; even if he sometimes did take you by surprise. “So what do you want to do today?”

  “Well…” he started, fidgeting with his fingers as you sat beside him at the kitchen table, “isn’t there a hockey game tonight?” 

  “Uhmm,” you hesitated, not wanting to answer questions he didn’t even know to ask, “yeah,” you finally said, “but we don’t have tickets”

  “Maybe Mo has extras?” he said, shrugging his shoulders. To appease your dad, you texted Mo to see what he could do, not holding your breath, but Mo got back to you suspiciously fast and said he’d put two tickets aside for you and your dad. 

  “You’re lucky,” you smirked, “he said he’d put 2 at the will call desk.” He jokingly squealed in excitement and said that he was going to have a nap until it was time to leave. When you remembered that Auston was injured, you took a sigh of relief knowing that you wouldn’t have to see each other; you couldn’t help but be nervous that he would see you, somehow, someway, and he would spiral again. Your dad woke up spritely a few hours later and was already in his jersey, ready to go when he came into the living room. 

  “Well, look at you,” you teased, “did you sleep in that?”

  “No,” he laughed, “I just didn’t wanna waste any time so, as soon as I woke up, I got dressed.” You forgot how adorable he was when he was going to a game ‘in person’ as he loved to say, and you were happy to be able to give this to him - like an early Christmas gift. At the end of the game, you and your dad made your way through the crowd to the parking lot when all of a sudden you noticed you’d lost track of your dad.

  “Dad!” you called when you finally saw him staring up at a big screen, “dad, what are you doing?”

  “Just watching the highlights” he admitted

  “Dad,” you scoffed, “we were at the game… you don’t need highlights. What we need is to get to the car before it’s easier to walk across the city than drive.” He shrugged before wrapping his arm around your shoulder, your face brightening with a smile, your attention only going elsewhere when you heard a small noise echo and you noticed Auston creeping behind a pillar. Suddenly, your mind raced with thoughts of him.

xx

Auston’s P.O.V

  You saw (Y/N) laughing with her dad in the arena as the stands cleared out against Chicago. It took you by surprise, just seeing her there, and you followed them, watching them move through the crowd before (Y/N) lost her dad as he stopped for a moment, staring up at a TV near one of the concessions. You continued to follow as the two of them reunited, watching her smile grow wide as she chuckled at her dad’s short attention span. (Y/N) had a way of always drawing you in and this was no different. You couldn’t stop yourself from following them further, eventually hiding behind a post to stop (Y/N) from spotting you; but a button on your jacket pinged off the tin of the garbage can and she looked back, face falling slightly when she finally caught you. 

  “I uh..” you said as you walked toward her, knowing you couldn’t hide anymore, “I didn’t think… I didn’t think you’d be here”

  “Yeah,” she replied, “my dad is in town for a bit and he really wanted to go to a game while he’s here” 

  “I hope you had a good time sir” you said, noticing (Y/N) furrow her brow, as if to say ‘what are you doing?’

  “I did!” her dad exclaimed, ��great seats, a win to add to the books, great time. And to top it all off, I get to spend time with my beautiful daughter.” Your eyes wandered to (Y/N) who was, at least in your eyes, trying to plan an escape

  “I didn’t realize you’d come out this way… with all the crowds, you know?” she added and it was the first time you realized you probably had been pushing fans aside as you tried to follow (Y/N) through the building. “We really have to go,” she finally said when you didn’t respond, grabbing her dad’s attention by nodding toward the exit. You cleared your throat before saying goodbye and the small hint of sadness that you had when you first saw her was replaced by a sudden urge to punch someone in the face. You knew the feelings you had for her weren’t going anywhere and her inability to admit she had the same feelings for you pissed you off but, yet again, you tried to push it all aside and move on with your life. 

  She was still on your mind, even after two weeks, and it was starting to mess with your game when you finally came back to the team. You were able to control it most nights, focus on what was in front of you, but tonight, you weren’t paying attention and you paid the price.. twice. One hit and then another and you felt a ping in your shoulder. You tried taking it easy the rest of the game, being cautious, but you didn’t want to give the media anything to talk about, so you didn’t back down. By the time you talked to the press, you knew you’d have to take another few games to heal, you knew that’s what they’d say and you knew it was probably for the best. The frustration and anger it left you with though, lead to your fist flying into the wall and shattering your hand. 

xx

  Someone had told you that Auston punched a wall and you thought they were being dramatic. Why would he punch a wall? you thought to yourself, that’s so stupid. But you couldn’t deny it when it was right in front of you 

  “What the hell are you doing?!” you yelled at Auston as he stood outside your door, the sight of his cast making you scoff in frustration, “what do you want?”

  “Every time I tell you what I want, you shut me out,” he countered, pushing his way inside, “I want you but you won’t admit that you want me too”

  “So you just go and get yourself beaten up?” you said harshly, practically slamming the door behind you

  “I mean..” he smirked, as if some kind of plan was working, “if you hadn’t said what you said… that I was too complicated for you, I wouldn’t have gotten into all this mess”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” you cursed, “you’re such a fucking child”

  “And you’re a mess!” he shouted

  “Oh I’m a mess?” you scoffed, pointing at yourself as you followed him to the couch, “you’re the one with a broken fucking hand but I’m a mess?”

  “Yeah,” he said simply, “you think you know what you want but you’re just using me until you fully figure it out”

  “That’s not true at all!”

  “Oh really?”

  “Yes, really,” you mocked his mocking tone

  “But you fucked around with me because it was… fun?”

  “Just hold on a second,” you finally said, trying to get your bearings, “you think you know what you want? You think you’re ready for what you think you want?”

  “What is it you think I want?” he asked, moving slowly toward you

  “I think you think you want a relationship,” you replied, “but you’ve been wasting your time with girls for so long that I don’t think you know what it’s even like to date anymore. I mean, take our ‘date’ for example.” Your use of finger quotes set him off in a way you didn’t expect

  “Jesus fucking Christ” he scoffed, head falling back and he rubbed his hands over his face, “why are we STILL doing this?”

  “I have no idea, Auston,” you replied, “maybe it’s because you’re STILL acting like a manipulative, childish –”

  “Me?” he interrupted, “you’re the one who sabotages everything?”

  “What are you talking about?!”

  “Every single time we.. do anything, you run away,” he shouted and your eyebrows crinkled together, head shaking as you listened to him, “the first time we had sex, ‘it was just one time’ you said. The next, ‘it can’t happen again,’ after that ‘I don’t want to feel anything for you,’ and then…” he hesitated for a moment, composing himself before clearing his throat, “‘I want uncomplicated and that’s not you’”

  “I–” you tried to say something but he kept going, 

  “And the date, the FUCKING date,” he scoffed, gesturing wildly, “I don’t think you even tried to try. You went in thinking it was going to be awful so it was awful. You have this idea in your mind that I’m a certain way and you’re doing everything in your power to make it true”

  “You can’t say that it’s not true,” you challenged, “you have no idea what goes on inside my head. You have no idea what I think or don’t think”

  “AND WHOSE FUCKING FAULT IS THAT?!” he yelled, veins popping out of his neck in exasperation

  “YOURS!” you yelled back and his eyes went wide in disbelief. You couldn’t lie, you didn’t expect to say it, but the words were out there now and you couldn’t take them back; you had to recalibrate. You brought your hands to your face before shaking your head, “you make it so incredibly difficult to feel… normal. Everything that’s normal to me, is basic to you and everything that’s basic to you is overdone, like you’re overcompensating for something. You can’t get to know me because I can’t get to know you”

  “That’s fucking bullshit and you know it” he returned, “I’ve always been honest with you. About how I feel, I’ve never tried to be something I’m not…”

  “Then why don’t I know anything about you?” you asked plainly, “why don’t you know anything about me?” You waited for him to come up with some slimy remark like ‘we know each other biblically’ or ‘I know the way your body reacts to mine’ but he was pretty silent, though his eyes wanted to say something. “I’ll tell you why,” you finally said, “because we fight, we fuck and we go our separate ways,” the words you said nearly a year ago clicking in your mind and you couldn’t help but repeat them. “Neither of us try to ask about the basic things. What’s your favourite colour? What movie can you watch a million times and never get tired of? Do you love your parents? Have you ever been in love? What’s your middle name?” you continued, “Nothing. Because we’re not here to get to know each other. You think you love me? You want me to fall in love with you? Then tell me who the fuck you are! Don’t have a year long breakdown and get into fights or almost get arrested. I can’t do it. I’m too fucking tired to keep doing it.” You sighed after your last statement, finally walking away when Auston reached out to grab your arm

  “Admit it,” he said softly before he caught up to you, “admit that you sabotaged the date”

  “Why?” you asked

  “Maybe you’ll finally believe it”

  “Auston…” you sighed, pulling your arm away slowly and looking at his broken hand. “Look at yourself,” you gestured, “this isn’t all on me. You want me to admit that I sabotaged the date, fine. Maybe I was scared that you’d change my mind or that I’d fall too quickly,” you admitted, “but you were there every time I said things couldn’t go further and you decided not to take it seriously. Now all the fighting? The broken hands and the almost-charges of public indecency? That’s not on me, that’s on your ego”

  “I wanted you and you sabotaged it,” he repeated, “I am in love with you and I don’t know how to stop myself”

  “I don’t know how all of this hasn’t been a sign to you that we’re not supposed to be together…” you said as he moved closer to you, wanting to be as close to you as possible, and you didn’t realize how much you craved his breath on your skin after all this time – like a question you’d been asking yourself for the last year and he was the answer. 

  “If you don’t love me, tell me and I’ll leave,” he said and you shook your head

  “We’ve done all this before,” you sighed, “had this conversation…”

  “Then it shouldn’t be hard to repeat” you met his eyes and the entirety of your time with him flashed through your mind. You thought about how scared you were the first time he gave you butterflies, how you pushed down your desire for him time after time, how you wished that this hadn’t started the way it did, that you could’ve done things properly, how you wished you would’ve stopped it after the first time to stop it from getting this far. You wouldn’t have had to sabotage anything if there was nothing to sabotage but you couldn’t stop yourself; whenever he was around, all you could feel was him, all you could see was him and all your common sense disappeared. It took all your strength to move away but when you finally did, you felt Auston’s chest against your back and your breath hitched in your throat in that all too familiar way and you leaned back into him ‘damn it,’ you thought to yourself, “Auston…” He moved his lips to your neck, kissing up the nape first before travelling to your jaw and you lobbed your head to the side with your eyes closed. It wasn’t long before his hands found themselves on your hips and yours traced down his arms until they reached his, your eyes opening when you felt his cast under your fingertips. 

  “It doesn’t hurt” he whispered as your fingers moved to his exposed skin before pulling his hand to your lips, wanting to fix his pain even if he said he wasn’t in any

  “You need to stop,” you whispered in return, kissing each digit of his hand as you spoke, “settle down, relax, calm down.” He chuckled, gripping your hip with his other hand and kissing the crown of your head gently; these were the moments that surprised you. How quickly he could go from being so intense to so tender

  “If that’s what you need,” he smirked as you turned around and wrapped your arms around his neck, “I’ll be so zen you won’t even know what to do with me.” You giggled at his statement, knowing he probably couldn’t get more zen than his usual personality but the thought was cute. You hesitantly pushed yourself up on your tiptoes to kiss him, starting out gently before it turned heavy and he fell onto the couch, pulling you onto his lap, kiss not being broken even as you straddled him. Your hands clutched the sides of his neck as the kiss intensified and his arms wrapped around your waist, bringing you closer to his chest. Your hands moved to the nape of his neck, fingers curling in his hair as your breathing slowed and your heart raced just as your mind did the same before you finally decided it was best to talk this out first

  “Wait,” you said between heavy breaths, eyes opening slowly, “maybe we should talk… I don’t know if– I think we’re just falling into the same patterns if we do this”

  “What do you wanna talk about?” Auston said quietly, trying to distract you by kissing your shoulders, “how the date went? I think we did that already. Should we talk about why we fall back into the same patterns?” You locked eyes, hands on his shoulders, playing with the seam of his shirt as you tried to come up with any string of words that wasn’t too wishy-washy

  “We probably should,” you admitted, “but I don’t know where to start…”

  “I can,” he smiled, clearly having had thought of what he might say if this moment ever came, “if that’s okay?”

  “Of course it’s okay,” you scoffed playfully

  “Okay,” he inhaled, in a playful way, and kept his hands lightly on your thighs, “on my end, I think we fall back into this, into each other, because we’re comfortable with each other. That first time was surprising and unexpected but that’s what made it so… like made me want to come back time after time. Also,” he added, emphasizing the word as if his statement was going to be one he thought you’d challenge, “I always thought you were amazing. I know you thought I thought it was all a game but I wasn’t chasing you. I wasn’t playing hard to get either but I always thought you were beautiful and sexy,” he grinned, the two of you laughing playfully before he continued, “you’re smart and you’re driven and all of that had me hooked. Did I think we’d ever have sex on your dining room table after an argument? No but I’m glad we did. After that, I couldn’t get you off my mind so when it happened again in Vegas, I thought it was the start of something - maybe that’s crazy to you…” 

  “No, okay, but see,” you said, in a hyper kind of way as you finally moved off his lap, perching on your knees as you continued your thought, “you never said any of this to me. You never made it known that you had any… positive feelings for me before we had sex. There was no way for me to know that you thought I was beautiful or amazing or whatever because you always acted just as annoyed as I was when we were around each other, so.. yeah, it all felt like a game because I had no reason to think otherwise.” Auston jokingly patted his lap and you scoffed in return before shaking your head

  “I guess I didn’t know how to say anything because I knew that you weren’t a huge fan of mine,” he admitted, “and I guess I didn’t want to embarrass myself. So I tried to play off you, so when you were annoyed, I was annoyed. When you were mad, I was mad”

  “Uh huh…” you replied, confused

  “Look,” he smirked, placing his hand on your knee, “maybe it wasn’t the best plan but it was all I had at the time. Then things just started to happen and my feelings got the best of me.” You were happy to have a little bit of clarity, it made you appreciate how confusing things might have been for him when you kept running away only for you to be the one to break every time the two of you were pulled back together. It took a minute for you to do anything, trying to be careful not to cause any more confusion, and when you finally did begin to trace your finger across his tattoos, you couldn’t help but smile

  “I’m nervous,” you whispered, avoiding his stare by keeping your eyes down, “relationships have never been my strong suit. Sex was easier, less chance of hurt feelings, but I don’t know,” you admitted, finally looking up at Auston, “I don’t know when it happened but at some point it wasn’t just sex and that scares me…”

  “You don’t think it scares me?” he asked, and your eyes darted back and forth between his as he spoke, “I didn’t expect any of this and it scares me that I’ll be embarrassed or that I’ll hurt you - or that you’ll hurt me. I’m not really used to being vulnerable.” You smirked at his confession, understanding now that both of you were in the same place, and straddled his lap once more; kissing his neck as you did so

  “I liked when you were vulnerable” you said, whispering into his ear as you kissed the sensitive skin there

  “But you never wanted anything from me,” he questioned, “it always seemed like it was just a string of one night stands”

  “I know,” you sighed, still kissing around his neck and collarbone, “but that’s only because it felt like the softness, the vulnerability, was a lie.” Your words caused Auston to stop your kisses, making your eyes meet his to explain what you meant, “you’d start off all cocky, like you’d won a game because I was in the room with you, because I was in the bed, or the bathroom, with you,” you admitted, wrapping your arms around his neck as you carefully crafted your words, “then we’d fuck and you’d be gentle with me… until I put my clothes back on and it was like ‘until next time then?’ That’s why it always felt like a game. And look,” you huffed once, “I get it now. I see it from your side but you have to admit, you never said anything about how you felt until you realized I wasn’t going to say the same things. You’re not used to being vulnerable, I get that, but you were and I saw it and I appreciated it. But it was like you couldn’t sit in it for too long, you couldn’t let yourself just be vulnerable unless I was immediately vulnerable back”

  “Why was it so hard for you to be vulnerable then?” he questioned and your eyes went wide before returning to normal

  “Because I was protecting myself maybe,” you said, “the way we were going about things was always the same and if I couldn’t see you being vulnerable for more than five minutes then why should I?”

  “I was vulnerable in the bathroom”

  “Yes,” you smiled, laying a light kiss to his nose before pushing your body closer to his, “and so was I… but I knew that it was a bad idea”

  “So you sabotaged the date? That’s when all of that happened”

  “I made a choice, yes,” you scoffed, “because screwing it up was easier than getting hurt. If it never went anywhere, if nothing real ever started, then it wouldn’t have to end and no one would end up with a broken heart.” He finally looked at you with sensitive eyes, letting his guard down just enough for you to smile and lean in for a kiss

  “I’m not gonna break your heart” he smiled against your lips before parting them for a slow, passionate kiss

  “Okay, cowboy,” you joked, poking fun at his country-lyric response and melting deeper into the kiss with each breath you each took. Your hands trailed down his torso, slowly lifting his shirt up and pulling it over his head, catching sight of his cast one more time before crashing your lips onto his, “just do me a favour okay?” you smirked, as you tore off your shirt, feeling his hands cup your breasts over your bra, 

  “Sure,” he said happily, “anything”

  “Stop punching walls and getting into fights at bars”

  “I don’t usually do that” he replied, his hands pressing against the small of your back to bring you as close to him as possible,

  “I know,” you said, pecking kisses jokingly over his eyes and forehead before getting back to his lips, “but just keep the fighting to the ice.” He nodded, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear and kissed you gently. Your hands roamed his bare skin slowly as the kiss deepened and your head felt like it was filled with stars; any decisions made now were done purely out of instinct. You ended the kiss, reluctantly, to stand up and take off your leggings, falling to your knees to pull Auston’s pants down and freeing him from his briefs, your hand teasing his shaft as you looked up at him. Auston smiled back at you as he moved the hair out of your face, holding it lightly in a ponytail and you finally took him in your mouth, your tongue guiding your path as you moved up and down his length. You could feel him pull your hair slightly, so you looked back up at him and noticed that his head had fallen back, leading you to smile to yourself and try to take as much of him in your mouth as possible.

  “Fuck” you heard him moan, his hand now gripping your hair tighter. You kept your movements steady, not moving any faster than you had been, wanting to keep him from bursting too quickly, “fuck, baby, fuck” he moaned again, his hand releasing from your hair and you put your hands on his knees to steady yourself. With your mouth still wrapped around his member, you looked up at him with wide eyes, watching as his hand fell onto his forehead in pleasure, leading you to finally increase your movements, your hands moving alongside your mouth until Auston’s thighs began to tense. You moved your mouth away just for a moment, to catch your breath, to salivate, to give your neck a tiny bit of rest, but your hands continued their motion

  “You almost there?” you asked with a smirk and he nodded, seemingly unable to speak and you took him in your mouth once more; his cum pouring into you shortly after. You giggled to yourself as you swallowed and Auston picked you up from the floor, kissing your hips as you stood in front of him, a chill rushing over your arms, causing you to shiver and goosebumps to cover your skin

  “Come here,” he said lightly, extending his hand to you to guide you onto his lap, “let me warm you up.” Your eyes locked onto his as you lowered yourself, straddling him once more and hands firmly gripping his shoulders when the intensity of the stare became too much. He moved his hands to your waist and the heat from his skin radiated right to your core

  “I want you,” you moaned, “I need you.” The words were barely out of your mouth before he started ravishing your neck. His hand snaked inside your underwear and his fingers began circling your clit, leading moans to escape your partially opened lips. The more you moaned, the more he pulled your body close to him and the stronger the sensation his fingers were giving you was. “Fuck,” your head fell back as your back arched into him, words beginning to come out as fractured syllables, “j-e-s-us chr-i-st.” You moved your hand down his body until you had him in your hand, moving your hips just enough to ease him gently into you

  “Fu-u-ck,” he moaned loudly, his fingers moving away from your clit to grab your hips, allowing you to bounce freely on his length. You couldn’t help it when your fingernails ripped into his skin, only noticing when a pinhole of blood appeared, and you smirked before apologizing. “It’s nothing,” he returned your smile as you continued to ride him, “it’ll heal.” The pleasure he’d already given you had put you close enough to the edge that you were already almost to your climax

  “Fuck,” you repeated, the moans echoing in your quiet apartment, “right there, fuck, yes, right there!” Auston seemed to slow down your movements, pushing your hips down until he was deep inside of you, guttural moans coming from him

  “Fuck, you feel good,” he said breathlessly, “where do you want me to cum?” You couldn’t focus on anything other than him inside of you and you started to bounce a little bit until he stopped you and asked the question again, “where?”

  “Don’t stop,” you moaned, “cum inside of me” and you were finally let loose, bounding up and down quickly until your climax hit you like a train and Auston’s followed with a quieter impact. You stayed there like that for a minute, with him inside you, as you waited for your heartbeat to come back down to normal

  “I want you,” he whispered before kissing your collarbone, “I want you to try”

  “What?” you giggled, barely taking in what he said as you lobbed your head to the side

  “Try me” he repeated, hands gripping your waist while his lips traced across your skin, taunting you with small kisses

  “Try you?” you finally shook yourself out of your trance to look at him, “what are you talking about?”

  “We can make this work,” he said, “I want us to make this work.” The look in his eyes was so sincere, it made you want to protect him - as if he couldn’t protect himself. Your thumb gently swiped back and forth on his jaw as your eyes never left his gaze, until you pressed your lips against his and your fingers twisted through his hair; his tugging on your hair being the only thing to force your eyes back to his, “(Y/N)...” he insisted, loosening his grip on your hair

  “I don’t want to get hurt,” you said honestly, your eyes dancing across his features and bouncing back and forth between his eyes, “and I don’t want to hurt you”

  “Then don’t,” he smiled, kissing your lips gently, “and I won’t hurt you.” It took you a minute but you started to picture it, what being with him might be like. It looked like a lot of ups and downs but it also looked like that thing you’d always wanted but kept missing

  “Okay…” you whispered

  “What?” he said, surprised

  “Okay,” you repeated, “I want to try, too.” His eyes went wide and a smile started to grow on his face, “BUT…” you interjected, “if you embarrass me or I’m made to look like a fool in anyway - if you cheat on me and everyone else knows but me, if you’re saying things about me to ‘fit in with the boys’ - I’m out. I don’t have energy to deal with any of that and I value my peace of mind to waste my time”

  “Understood,” he agreed, slowly parting your lips so his tongue could dance with yours, “I wouldn’t have it any other way…”

  “We have to go slow,” you said quietly in between kisses, “I might be a little scared…”

  “So am I,” he admitted, “so we’ll do it scared, together.” You nodded in agreement, entangling your fingers with his as a smile began to grow on your face and he pressed a small kiss to your forehead. For the first time in a long time, you felt a kind of calm that you hadn’t realized you’d needed until this moment and your mind began to wander. ‘How long would this last?’ you thought to yourself, ‘was this really a good idea?’ ‘would your fears become reality?’ Your face must have been shifting between your thoughts because Auston brought you back, “hey,” he smiled, “don’t shut me out of that mind of yours. We’re in this together”

  “Trust me,” you smiled shyly, “it’s a mess in here”

  “That’s okay,” he smirked, “I can help with that.”

[kuro-cache]

Old Times' Sake

Rating: E

Pairing: Opal/Kuvira

Summary: Kuvira and Opal have a very complex relationship. One that Opal spent many years defining the intimacy and meaning of. Unfortunately for her, she must now come to terms with its definite end.

AO3 LINK

[nkogneatho]

i feel like when you date satoru, you get suguru as a free gift. a gift you definitely didn't ask for. you envy a friendship like theirs so you don't mind him hanging out with you two. you never noticed but slowly your romantic "dates" started including him. he was there next to you in the movie theatre. he was seated by your side at the restaurant. and soon...he was in the bed with you too.

satoru was mad comfortable around suguru and you only noticed it when you three were chilling in your bed, but soon your menace of a boyfriend pulled you onto his lap and started moving your hips. fully clothed btw. you try to push him off playfully, embarrassment masking your face, but it only makes him tighten his grip, your cunt pressing further against his now hardened cock. soon enough, he started moaning. like the most pornographic moand ever.

"unh! uhn! ah fuck yeah. grind that sweet pussy on me fhuuck" you look next to you, and suguru is chuckling...with his hands in his pants. you lose your composure and hide your face on satoru's shoulders.

"aww she's hidin' 'er face now. c'mon pretty. 's just me," the black haired man cooed.

"pussy's—ughh pressing on my cock, suguru. i told ya she wouldn't mind you with us. fuck!" Suguru could see the wet patches on both your bottoms where you connected. "my attention isn't enough for a pretty girl like you. let us both take care of you, baby." you could only nod.

suguru shuffled and moved closer till he was behind you, lifting up your shirt to kiss your back as he trailed up his lips. once his mouth met yours, he slid a finger between your warm and wet slit. you hissed at the sensation of his cold fingers, closing your eyes only to open them and find suguru pushing his tongue down satoru's throat and...his other hand stroking his cock. fuck. your clit throbbed against his middle finger.

"like me kissing your boyfriend, right? i think your boyfriend would like it even more if i made you cum."

yeah. suguru isn't the free gift you asked for. but you were damn sure he was the gift you needed.

[loveisunison]

🍂　Non-sharers, as someone who actually struggles with delusions, I'm begging you not to listen to random people on the internet throwing words at you. These people are trampling over an actual medical term out of hatred and they have no idea what they're talking about.

Set boundaries, curate your space, block people and hashtags. Do whatever you need to do to make your experience more comfortable as long as you're not harassing or harming others, it's that simple. No, you are not delusional for doing this, it's okay.

Being delusional is not an insult, but having boundaries does not make you delusional either.

[starry-bi-sky]

Blood Blossom Au: Baby's First Commissioner Meeting :)

TL:DR This Post: Danny (orphan) gets poisoned with blood blossom extract by Vlad. He runs away from him and ends up under the care of one Pre-Robin Battinson Batman! Starry is loudly pushing her batdad agenda.

(Also known as "Late At Night, When The Nightingale Sings" on my ao3!)

This was a fun rough idea I've been sitting on for weeks, thinking about how Commissioner Gordon and Nightingale's first meeting might go.

---------------

Commissioner Gordon likes to think that he's adjusting to the new normal of Gotham very well, -- the new normal being grown men running around dressed like bats, in military-grade strength body armor, committing acts of vigilantism, -- and slowly, little by little, he was no longer being surprised when this new normal pops up out of the shadows like the world's most terrifying daisy. His shaving lifespan thanks him for it.

....

The kid is a surprise though.

Granted, he seemed to be a surprise to the Bat too.

There's been a string of murders lately, -- which, in Gotham, is kind of like saying there's been another storm during monsoon season. And there's just been another; in some dilapidated building down in south Gotham, with the broken, boarded-up windows and mildew-crawling walls to match. The victim is a man in his thirties, multiple gunshot wounds to the chest, left in the center of the room for the blood to pool out around him.

The place is already secured when he arrives, the building swarmed with officers and the forensic detectives. The Bat emerges shortly after he does -- or, he might've been here the whole time, hiding someplace dark and shadowy. For his own sanity, Gordon doesn't think about it too hard.

The kid is a surprise, and he appears like a bolt of lightning.

He shows up in the middle of a conversation Gordon is having with the Bat.

A whistle, sharp and loud, slicing through the air, meant for open air rather than a confined space. Gordon's ears pierce and protest the sound, and the solemn, murmured chatter floating through the room abruptly cuts off like the swing of a gavel. As he turns towards the sound -- as they all do -- he swears, up and down, that he sees Batman's shoulders jump, just slightly.

At the source, perched on the window, is a boy. A boy in a gray-blue scarf and an oversized black hoodie, one that hangs off his frame and has ace bandages wrapped around the wrists in some attempt to cinch the sleeves. The hood is up, big like the rest of it, and threatens to swallow the upper half of the boy's face whole in the fabric. What upper half Gordon can see, is smeared with some kind of opaque, black face paint. He's holding onto the side of the frame with one hand, on his hip is a grappling hook. A familiar grappling hook.

Gordon has multiple questions, and his officers tense up.

Martinez puffs up, brows furrowing as his face shapes into a frown. Shoulders rolling back. "You can't be here, kid--"

The reaction is immediate, like a spark to gunpowder, the boy yanks his fingers from his mouth and his mouth twists into a scowl. Head snapping over to Officer Martinez, his hood manages to stay on but Gordon swears that as he bares his teeth, the glint makes them look sharper than they should be. His voice is rasp and quiet and harsh; snappish in its hissing; "Put a fuckin sock in it, Martinez. I'm not stayin."

Martinez reels back, and the boy immediately veers his attention off him. Like a switch, his demeanor drops. Despite half his face being covered, his mouth twists into a cringing, apologetic smile. Slanted and off-beat, embarrassed. It'd be disarming if this wasn't Gotham, and if he didn't just hiss at Martinez like he was about to bite his head off.

"Sorry." He whispers, voice deceptively polite and softer now. Gordon has to strain his ears to hear him. "I was looking for him."

He points his finger towards-- Gordon? No, Gordon follows the direction, and finds himself looking at -- the Bat.

The Bat, who always looks stiff as a pole, now looks even stiffer. Somehow. Well, the explains the grappling hook attached to the boy's waist.

"What are you doing here?" The Bat says, gruff and unable to completely smother the stumble of surprise in his tone.

The boy still holds a sheepish smile, and slips off the window ledge. His feet hit the creaky boards with a near-silent thud, the Batman finds his feet and rapidly begins crossing the room.

Gordon notes the slight tremble in the boy's legs as he straightens. He adjusts his scarf, which droops close to his knees now that he's standing, and slings a backpack -- how long has had that? -- off his shoulders. When the Bat reaches his side, he does as he always does, and looms over the boy like a spectre. A threatening mass of shadows cloaked in all-consuming black. Standing next to him, the boy looks teeny in comparison.

The Bat is a man who terrifies even the most hardened criminals, Gordon has seen grown men shiver in fear at the mention of his name. And yet when the boy looks up at him, he doesn't even flinch.

Instead, his sheepish smile melts away like ice under the sun, holding only traces of his previous embarrassment. It remains as a shadow on his face, a small upturn at the corners of his mouth. The boy pushes his hood back just enough to reveal glinting, ice-flint eyes surrounded in tar-black face paint. He holds the backpack up with one arm. "You forgot this."

[tordoise-x3]

IM SO SCARED 😞

[autisticblitz]

Still getting used to drawing them but I'm happy with how this turned out so I will post it :)

[sorrydetka]

“mark im practically the head of the company” me lying to impress a boy

[shadesoflsk]

LOVE YOU, SANTA!

pairing: re2 leon kennedy x fem reader.

summary: You were feeling a little bit depressed since this was your first Christmas away from your family. Thank God your best friend was there to comfort you.

warnings: tooth-rotting fluff, smut, best friend Leon, p in v, soft sex, unprotected sex, (don't be like them) praise words, both Leon and reader are quite inexperienced, confessions, two dorks in love, Leon dresses up as santa, just Leon being silly.

word count: 6.2k

minors do not interact, please.

You weren’t feeling the Christmas season.

You’ve always been family orientated. Christmas for you was the perfect excuse to connect with long lost relatives and of course spend quality time with your loved ones. Video calls and interminably lengthy texts didn’t fulfill your desire to be surrounded with your family.

The Christmas lights illuminated your features as you stared at your own tree with teary eyes. Alone, in your living room, you thought about the amazing time you would be having if luck was on your side.

Weeks prior, you had bought a plane ticket ready to fly and visit your family. You had already prepared everything. Gifts? Checked. Souvenirs? Checked. Tons of stories about your university life? Double checked.

But you couldn’t have prevented the fact that your flight would get canceled at last minute. You were offered another one, airline policies or something among those lines. It was an understatement to say that you were mad, angry, and frustrated. It won’t be the same if you travel two days after Christmas. The holiday would be already over.

So, you did what anyone with rational thoughts would do. Drown yourself in sadness as you sank deeper into the couch. Your eyes traveled from your Christmas tree to your TV which was playing The Grinch, very fitting. 

You checked your cell phone, and you were welcomed with countless pictures. Most of them were very family appropriate. “Far apart during this Holiday, but totally together in our hearts and minds. Merry Christmas!” Ok, your grandma had no need to remind you you were miles away. But you replied with a short phrase as well.

A sigh left your lips as you set aside your phone, trying to focus on the movie. You watched as the Grinch ripped the tablecloth off the table and none of the items fell from it. You once heard that Jim Carrey defied the laws of physics as the dishes and plates were supposed to fly off. Funny, you thought.

Your phone suddenly buzzed. With an annoying grunt you expected another call from a relative saying how much they were missing you. Yes, it fulfilled your heart knowing that you were expected at home, a family to come back to whenever life gets too rough. But right now, as much as you needed a hug, you didn’t want a reminder of your own solitude.

You grabbed your phone and saw the caller id. “Leon?” you murmured as you picked up the call. 

Leon was your best friend, or at least you wanted to say that. You appreciate him as a friend since he is the sweetest guy ever. A gentleman through and through, holding the doors open for you, helping you with your housework whenever you needed and giving you a shoulder to cry on when life was too hard.

He was the epitome of being a best friend, right? However, the way your mind seems to wander to other places when he was close to you made you feel guilty. You thought he only saw you as a friend, nothing more yet you couldn't control your own mind and imagine him in more intimate settings.

Whenever he talks about his training at the Police Academy, how he tells you about every little thing that had happened to him back at the supermarket. Simple things like that make your heart do laps. The way his lips move and how his tongue would stick out from time to time led your brain to create the most romantic scenarios.

How would it be to kiss him? To feel his lips locked with yours in a heated but meaningful exchange of love? Dear God how you wanted that and at the same time you wanted to slap yourself. 

Guilt ran deep down in your system when you thought of him like that. Your friendship with him mattered more than anything but the heart wants what it wants, as dramatic as it sounded.

You responded, bringing your phone to your ear.

“Hey Leon.” Nonchalantly as always, you didn't expect Leon to call you, especially when you knew he didn't exactly celebrate this holiday. He has a family, he was just not as close as you're with yours. 

“Hi, how are you?” Now that's weird, the conversation seemed so uptight, too rigid. Not like every other call you have with him. His voice tone also changed, curiosity filled your mind as you tried to search the meaning behind his call.

“I'll be honest… not too well. You know I was supposed to fly a few days ago? Well, my flight was canceled so here I am.” You explained to Leon the time-line of disasters you have faced. 

“Yeah, Rebecca told me.” So that's why he called! Word has traveled until it reached Leon's ears and as attentive and sweet as he is, he couldn’t stay still and let his friend be alone on a day like this.

“So… are you at home right now?” Leon continued speaking, you could sense he was smiling at the moment, as he stretched that so. You know him too well to know that he's planning something.

“Yup… It's just me and The Grinch.” You laughed at your own statement and your eyes instinctively roamed over the TV that kept playing the movie.

“Am I allowed to be the third wheel?” He joked, you were used to his funny side or at least he tells you it's funny. You really did find him hilarious, but it was even funnier to pretend his jokes didn't phase you. 

“I don’t know… Don’t you have plans for tonight?” You asked, playing mindlessly with a strand of hair that has fallen to your shoulder. You have been friends with Leon for years, and you knew for a fact that he usually spends most of his christmases in solitude. Always telling you that everything is alright. Sometimes, you wanted to invite Leon over to your family dinner. But you always imagined the endless teasing your poor friend would be a victim of. “Is that your boyfriend?” “Oh what a handsome gentleman!” So, you never asked him out.

“Not really…” Leon admitted, his voice slightly lowered as if ashamed to accept that he had no plans nor family to visit on an important day like this. “But I could have a Christmas date if you accept. You wouldn’t like your best friend spending Christmas Eve alone, wouldn’t you?” You could almost hear him laughing after saying that. What a little bitch he could be sometimes. But you love him nonetheless.

“Ok ok. Don’t sound so coy. It doesn’t suit you.” Both of you laughed. It was indeed nice hearing his voice on this lonely night. But the fact that he was eager to make it better made your heart flutter. He told you he would be there in about twenty minutes. So you were left alone once again.

After hanging up, you stared blankly at the TV for about fifteen minutes. Your eyes were not really focused on the movie anymore. You allow your mind to give into its desires, you don’t know what this night has in store for you, but you expect something more than simple hugs and cuddles. You were dying to feel him way closer than that and stop debating if you should break those walls of simple friendship or not.

The loud banging on your door made you yelp. You drop your phone on the couch as you quickly approach the front door. 

“Ok I got it! You can stop knocking!” You shouted as your hand met with the cold sensation of the doorknob. You were expecting to see Leon in his usual type of clothing. A pair of jeans with a basic blue t-shirt. But your eyes weren’t prepared for what you were about to see.

“What the fuck…” You muttered as soon as you opened the door. Your arm fell to your side as you watched Leon with a dumbfounded look on your face. Your mouth hung wide open as a nervous but amused chuckle left your lips.

There was Leon, dressed from head to toe with a classical Santa costume. He was wearing black boots, red fluffy pants, a red plush coat and even a white beard. The only thing he was missing was a white haired wig yet his blonde hair made up for that. 

“Ho ho ho?” Leon sheepishly whispered, bringing a hand to his hair. You couldn’t see it but you knew he was turning bright red under that white beard of his. His baby blue eyes meet yours as you try your best to hold back your laugh. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other as he waits for you to say something.

“Look, can I come in? Someone else might see me. One of your neighbors already did and…” Leon stumbled on his words. He foolishly thought that the trip from his car to your front door would be uninterrupted yet luck wasn’t on his side when your neighbor — an old ‘sweet’ lady — thought he was breaking in. That led to an argument of five minutes where Leon had to explain that he wasn’t a robber… What kind of robber would dress up as santa? He had sarcastically said. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that since it made the granny way angrier. 

“Y–Yeah sure.” You shook your head as your words trailed off. You can't make up your mind on this ridiculous situation. The more you look at Leon the more… grateful you get. You can no longer laugh at his attempt to cheer you up since it was no longer an attempt — he succeeded. As you stepped aside and made some room for Leon to enter, your eyes traveled over his figure, it was a really silly outfit indeed.

You gave him no time to react as you threw your arms around his neck. Indulging in the warmth that his embrace –and fluffy outfit– provided. Even though your heart was beating so hard that it could basically break through your skin – you tried not to pay attention to that fact since you really needed that hug.

“Thank you…” You murmured against his neck, your nose ever so slightly tickling his skin. This was more than friends do. No friend would basically drown themselves in their friend's natural scent.

“It's okay. Just… let me take care of you.” And no friend would let his hands wander over his friend’s body. A pat on the back was everything he needed to do. There was no need for him to allow his curious hands to caress the sides of your waist and lower back. 

The hug lasts longer than a friendly hug should but neither of you seemed to care right now. You kicked the door and closed it with your foot as Leon moved the both of you to the couch. Not even attempting to untangle himself from your arms.

Eventually, he breaks the hug as he makes you sit down on the couch. His eyes linger on yours for a few seconds before pressing a quick but sweet kiss on your forehead. Yeah, totally what friends do, right?

“I'm gonna make us some hot chocolate and then watch some movies, ok?” He didn't even let you reply before he basically teleported to your kitchen as if it was his own. 

It's not difficult to let him do his thing. Ever since you met him, he's always been like this. Like a puppy who is eager to please its owner. But you weren't an owner. Hell, you sometimes thought that it was the other way around. The dynamics in your friendship were not clear, and both of you have gotten lost in those blurry lines of pleasing and being pleased. It was as if you two were trying your hardest to do your best in front of the other. Too scared to make a mistake, too scared to let their walls crumble and show their most inner desires and wishes.

After a few minutes, he comes back with a wide smile on his face and two mugs on his hands. If he had a tail, it would be wagging right now. Yours too. Puppy love at its finest.

He hands you your mug before placing his on the coffee table. You laugh as he takes off his white beard and instinctively scratches his jaw.

After a while of watching those poorly-made Christmas movies where the city girl spends her Christmas in her old hometown and meets the love of her life, both of you found comfort in cuddling each other. You place your head on his shoulder. That gave Leon the opportunity to lay his on top of yours.

“Where did you get that costume from?” you casually asked, your eyes not moving from the tv. You were comfortable enough to drift off to sleep but there was no way you were falling asleep right now.

“You know how I sometimes have to do the things most of my colleagues don't want to do? Yeah…” Leon chuckled shyly. You didn't know the extent of his words but you could imagine the situation. Him losing a bet, him having to go somewhere dressed up as Santa. Leon's luck can be the worst from time to time.

“So… you decided that it would be an amazing idea to show up at my house dressed up as fucking Santa Claus?” Your voice was filled with light teasing, but the way your eyes shone even if they weren't looking at Leon, told him everything he needed to know. You were thankful that Leon could be next to you right now. And deep down, Leon was feeling all sorts of emotions because at last, he could spend this holiday with you from all people. 

“Yeah. Liked the idea? I think these Santa pants fit me a little too well.” Leon laughed at his own joke. You laughed too, and the vibrations of your giggles brushed against Leon's neck, sending shivers down his spine.

As you laid your head on Leon's shoulder, his eyes meet with yours. If looks could speak, he would have already told you how much he desired to have you now. Even if it meant throwing away years of friendship and trust you have built. 

Maybe it wasn't wrong. Maybe both of you were meant to indulge in that desire and be blinded by it. No more secrets, no more shy glances and especially no more lies about your feelings. 

Your eyes were half lidded, your heart was beating so fast you thought you were dying and every good and bad outcome played on your mind as your lips slightly parted. Hoping that Leon would welcome you as you wanted him to.

And dear God he wanted to do just that. When his eyes locked with yours, he was sent to heaven and back. Yeah, you have laid your head on his shoulders countless times. But now, it seems different. As if he could tell that you had made up your mind about this and no one could stop you.

And he will definitely not stop you.

The sounds of the tv that were filling the living room now served as white noise. The beating of your own heart was the only thing you could truly focus on besides Leon's lips, which were getting dangerously close to yours.

“Can I?” A simple yet important question. It carried years of yearning and pining. Of course he can. What a stupid question to ask. But deep down, you're once again grateful that consent was the first thing that came to his mind even when it was just a kiss. You have won the lottery with this guy.

“Please…” Your voice came out a whimper rather than a simple whisper. But at this point you truly don't care. The world might end but right now you were at the top of it.

And he finally indulges.

His lips met yours in a slow and tender kiss. It hurt, but not in a bad way – your chest ached with longing. It felt so soothing and rewarding that both of you couldn't help but relax in it. As if a weight was removed from your backs, and now you were drowning in your most intimate thoughts.

Your muscles tensed as Leon pulled you even closer. His toned arm wrapping around your middle section. The need to feel you pressed against him was insatiable, especially when he was still so afraid of messing this up. You let him, you let his lips guide yours in a now messier kiss.

You felt his tongue poking against your bottom lip, as if asking permission to kiss you deeper, rawer. You once again allow him to. Whatever he wants right now, you want it too.

Now, the wet sounds from your sloppy kiss were like background music for both of you. Your hands found their home in Leon's hair as they tangled in his fluffy blonde locks. You hear him slightly moan in the middle of the kiss, too nervous to go further but too turned on to stop. 

His hand trembled as it traveled from your waist, to your hips and finally they have found their destination on the flesh of your rear. Unsure, he caressed the area before he squeezed it. Immediately regretting it once he heard you yelp.

“Sorry sorry sorry I don't know what came into me I jus–”

“Leon.”

“If you want me to leave I c–”

“Leon, I want it too.”

And that was a surprise for Leon. It didn't matter that he basically had his tongue down your throat a few seconds ago. The fact that you wanted to go further with him was something he couldn't have imagined. 

Your hand goes to his cheek, your thumb grazing over his skin as you noticed the rosy color forming in his face. The best sight you have ever seen. Especially how his eyes were glassy with pure love and raw desire.

“Are you sure?” Leon asked, a hint of shyness could be perceived in his eyes. 

You nodded, giving him a comforting smile. You hoped that it could convey how sure you were about this. If it wasn’t enough, you will surely know how to convince him that this was everything you have ever wished for.

You leaned closer once again and kissed him, this time it was even slower than the first kiss but not less intimate. You were careful not to startle him since it was obvious he was too sensitive and shy for his own good.

You delicately moved from his lips to his jaw, planting kisses along his jawline. You could hear how his breath was starting to get heavier and how his hands clenched the blankets instead of your body.

“You can touch me.” You assure Leon between kisses, your lips were now on his neck gently kissing each one of his moles. 

“I−Okay…” He decides that he should stop being so reserved. The person that he has been in love with is basically presenting herself on a platter, just for him. He will be damned if he doesn’t take this opportunity. “Tell me if it’s too much.” Ever so gentleman, he was still so cautious of not making you uncomfortable, it was too cute.

His hands go immediately to your breasts as if he had already thought where he wanted to touch. He cupped them gently. caressing them over your thin piece of clothing. It was now his turn of kissing you. As his hand played with your sensitive skin, his flushed lips returned to yours, his tongue welcoming itself in your mouth. 

“I have dreamed about this… you know.” Leon whispered before kissing you again. Neither of you were giving each other enough time to breathe. Too needy to be kissed, touched, and desired again. “Felt so… guilty each time I imagined myself touching you like this.” Leon’s hand snaked under your shirt and his calloused fingers found your nipples. 

Arousal started to pool underneath you as you let out a whimper. His cold fingertips brought you so much pleasure that most of your words died in your throat. Nothing else was needed to say, your body will speak for yourself.

His hand stopped playing with your breast as it moved down to your thighs. He muffled any other sound you could make as his lips shut you up once again. It was like he desperately longed for something to keep his mouth busy. You could feel that he was still unsure of how to approach this new experience with you, yet this didn’t stop him from trying to do his best.

The tip of his fingers grazed over your skin until they reached their destination.

Your sweatpants did a poor job at hiding your soaked mess. You instinctively lifted your hips as his hand teased over your clothed lower part. 

“Fuck− Can… Can I?” You already know what he’s asking for and you waste no time, you nodded eagerly. It was pathetic how some simple touches could bring you over the edge but years of pent up feelings were the culprit of this situation. 

As he saw you nodding, his hand traveled underneath your sweatpants and underwear before he decided that it would be better if he took them off. In the blink of an eye, your outfit was disregarded. Besides from your thin shirt that still covered your chest, you were fully exposed to Leon, who had a hungrily look on his face. His fingers once more traveled down and  were instantly covered in slick as you pressed your back against his chest, feeling the fluffy coat warming you.

He was still wearing that damn costume.

You made a mental note to tell him to take it off later, But for now, you were focused on how Leon’s finger brushed against your clit. His middle finger slowly followed circular motions as you moaned against his neck. It feels so much better than your own − not because he was the most expert in the area − but because it was him. Nobody else was in your mind at that moment.

His finger rubbed your throbbing bundle of nerves one last time before they moved to your entrance. You unconsciously parted your legs even wider, throwing your head back. The couch wasn’t the most comfortable place, but for now it will do.

He positioned his finger at your entrance. Over your shoulder, you glanced at Leon who was already looking at you. As if he could read your mind, he leaned closer and locked his lips with yours, intertwining in a tender kiss despite the lustful actions that were taking place. 

He slowly inserted one finger, feeling your walls clenching around it. You panted in the middle of the kiss, his deft finger curled inside you as he slowly moved it, in and out at a perfect pace. You grip on the couch, soft whimpers left your lips as Leon tries to find your most sensitive spot. 

“My beautiful pretty girl.” Leon whispered against your ear, the words of praise slipping so easily out of his lips. He was no stranger to complimenting you, as you already knew he was an old fashioned boy, always so respectful and so cautious. And tonight, he wouldn't falter on his behavior, even if his actions were not so gentlemanly.

Although he was playing the role of a gentle lover, he was freaking out inside. He didn't know what to do next. Should he go slower? Faster? Should he keep talking? For now, he decided to add another finger.

Squelching sounds filled your dark living room, making you aware of how wet you were. Leon was eager to please you, maybe that’s why he quickly realized how your eyes rolled to the back of your head when he moved his fingers in a certain way. He keeps up that pace, shamelessly plunging his fingers even deeper.

“Fuck, you’re gripping me.” Now that’s new. If you weren’t literally drunk in desire you would be taken aback by the sudden phrase Leon has just said. 

“Leon…” Your voice came out as a desperate plea, your hips bucking against his fingers who kept pumping into your hole. Leon was in heaven, he has seen many of your expressions. Joyful because you got the job you were looking for, gloomy because you couldn’t pass one of your exams or angry at yourself when you couldn’t complete something. He has seen them all, or so he thought. But he has unlocked one more, which was definitely his favorite now. 

Your dazzled expression made his cock twitch in his pants. He had forgotten about himself and his own pleasure as he was too focused on yours. Yet he couldn’t deny the ache he was feeling and how he had already made a mess in his underwear.

“What is it?” There was a certain tone in his voice that you were foreign to. It was as if he had found a glimpse of confidence in himself that allowed him to act a bit bolder. However, his soft and gentle nature still remained. He slowed down his movements, which was even worse because he was dragging your climax in that way. “Tell me what you want.”

“I want to feel you.” 

As soon as those words left your lips, Leon knew what he had to do. He removed his fingers from you, a loud whine escaped your lips yet he wasted no time to grab you and carry you bridal style.

He walked towards your room. With his hip, he opened up the door that led to your sacred place where Leon has been countless times but now his objective is different than simple cuddling or sleeping.

He gently placed you on the middle of the bed as you waited for him. You felt a little exposed now that you were fully aware of what was going to happen. You unconsciously closed your legs, your thighs pressed against each other trying to hide the leaking mess that Leon's fingers have left.

He crawls towards you, one hand moving between your thighs to open them once again. For now, he only remains on top of you, watching you attentively for any signs of doubts.

He sees none.

For a moment, you lock eyes. His dilated pupils watching yours in a welcoming silence. Eventually, both of you couldn't hold back your laughter and it came down as a waterfall. He nuzzles his face against your neck while he continues chuckling.

You stop for a moment, trying to catch your breath as your laugh slowly dies down. Leon lifts his head, your thumbs wipe away the tears that had formed in the corner of his eyes.

“What are we laughing at?” You chuckled once again seeing how red Leon was. It should be awkward, embarrassing even. But your fears were long forgotten the moment he first touched you. Taking this step with him wouldn't mean breaking your friendship with him but rather start something even more beautiful.

“I feel like we're laughing at different things.” You continued, your hand then went to his face, brushing away the curtain of hair that fell on top of his forehead.

“Well… I'm laughing out of nervousness. I didn't expect to be in this position with… you.” Leon sheepishly said as he leaned closer to your touch. His warm face seeking your hand. “I won't lie though. I like being on top.”

His confession makes you laugh, wondering if he knew how deep your feelings also go. 

“And… I'm laughing because you still haven't taken off your Santa costume.”

Leon's head lowered to see that he in fact hasn't thrown off that not so sexy santa costume. He shakes his head before pressing a kiss to your nose.

“Maybe you have been naughty this year and Santa had to come all the way from the North Pole to see it for himself.” He laughed at his own joke, before he sat on his thighs and took off the coat.

“Oh fuck you Leon. Can we at least have this moment for ourselves?” You chuckled nonetheless. Your eyes fixated on his broad chest. You have seen it before, but admiring it in the dim light while he was on top of you, ready to take you, surely changed everything.

“Yes ma'am.” He grinned at you, before lowering himself and kissing you. Your parted legs gave him enough space to settle between your thighs. His lips were as soft as ever and now you were worried you wouldn't like to kiss anyone else but him. 

Between the kiss, you reached for the buttons of your shirt. Undoing one by one before leaving you completely exposed to him. Before you could even start to feel self conscious, Leon's cold hand reached for one of your breasts, gently brushing against your nipple.

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your chest, before lapping his tongue against your nipple. His lips circled around it as your back arched into his touch. 

“Leon –fuck– please…” You moaned, your body slightly shaking from the sensation Leon's tongue brought you. You couldn’t wait to have him inside of you.

“Mhm?” He murmured as he continued sucking your sensitive spot, the vibrations making you even more sensitive to the touch. His blue eyes meet yours as he looks up to see you. 

“Want you inside.” you whined, looking at him with half lidded eyes.

“Whatever my princess wants.” Leon replied, placing one last kiss on your nipple.

He sat on the bed and quickly took off his pants with his underwear, throwing them somewhere around your room. He quickly returned to his position.

You couldn’t help but let your eyes dart towards his already hard dick. The angry and reddish tip was the first thing you noticed, making your mouth water at the sight. 

Leon forgot for a moment that he was supposed to be dominant in this moment, his rosy cheeks being painfully obvious to you. He internally reassured himself and ignored his own shyness, connecting his lips with yours in a sweet manner. His breath slightly shaking.

He reached down and positions the tip of his dick near your clit, collecting the slippery slick that was flooding your folds.

“Tell me if it hurts or if you want me to stop.” He said with a warm smile, making sure to see you nodding. Once he had your approval, he pushed himself right into you. The room instantly filled with sinful heavy breaths as both of you got what you always wanted. He gasped against your mouth before he captures your lips in a messy kiss.

You hissed from the sensation of his dick stretching you out. Your arms wrapped around his neck to bring him even closer to you, the need to feel him near you was overwhelming, especially when he was literally deep into you.

He let his head fall against your forehead, following how your arms guided him closer. You can see a faint smile forming on his lips as he bottoms out. In that expression, you see years of yearning and well kept secrets. 

For a moment, he stays still. Letting you adjust to his size with his left hand tracing patterns on your hips. 

“Are you okay?” Leon asked breathlessly, his eyes were glassy with undivided desire as they bore into yours.  He’s patient, caring and loving, he has wished to feel you like for so long, he wouldn’t mess up this moment. 

“You're not going to break me.” You laugh, but the way you scrunch your nose told him otherwise. 

Leon chuckled and started thrusting, trying to be as deep and slow as he could. Your gummy walls gripped his cock just right and he may as well cum on the spot if you continue doing so. He wouldn’t dare to do that, he wanted this to last. Just so you could remember how he fits you perfectly, like the missing piece to a puzzle.

“I– Am I doing okay?” Leon whimpered against your lips, his sticky forehead still connected with yours. His eyes flutter shut, the sensation being too much for him. He can’t help but ask, no matter the situation he’s always a bit bashful. 

You nodded, already wanting more.

His other arm decided to snake around your waist, lifting your hips up and bucking even deeper into you. The new angle allowed him to slide in and out with a faster pace now. The wet sounds were music to your ears, which you'd never grow tired of hearing.

You feel him everywhere. Inside you, in your stomach as butterflies. In your mind as his pornographic moans imprint on your thoughts. You wrap your legs around his waist, providing him even more space to deeply sink inside of you. The curve of his length hitting your g-spot just right. As if he was made for this, as if you were especially crafted for him.

With every thrust, sweet words leave his lips. “You're so beautiful.” “Prettiest girl in the entire world.” Words of praise being sung like a chant, like a mantra he wanted to scream until it engraved in your mind as tattoos that would never fade.

You could feel your climax coming. The heat pooling in your abdomen was proof that you won't last longer.

And you knew Leon wouldn't either.

His hips were starting to miss their already set rhythm. His breath got heavier, and his eyes rolled back. His toned arms held you even closer if that was humanly possible.

Tears pricked at the corner of your eyes as you feel Leon's cock twitching inside of you. 

“Fuck–I.” His voice was dripping with desire as he felt your velvety walls squeezing him once again. The grip on your waist got tighter as his grunts grew higher. He watches your body writhing underneath him, how you shut your eyes down when you cum all over his cock. And he could die as a happy man knowing that he made you feel like this.

Eventually, the sway of his hips came to a stop as he also felt himself reaching the so awaited high he was looking for. He’s too gone to even care about anything else when he spurts deep inside of you, white and thick load filling your aching cunt.

Both of you are breathless and sticky, Leon nuzzled his face against your neck and left a trail of pecks on your skin. His arms didn’t leave your body. His weight on top of you coated you with a comfortable and soothing warmth. He pressed his lips against your cheek as he pulled out of you with a faint grunt. And for a few minutes, nothing is said. Neither of you wanted to break the silence that was embracing your souls. 

“You ok?” He finally asked in a hushed voice, his lips never leaving your skin as he pampered you with soft caresses around your face. 

“Mhm…” You nodded, your eyes slightly closed as you took in what had happened. 

“I swear I didn’t expect this to happen. I mean, I wanted to take you on a date first, but –” Leon let out a short laugh, stopping himself from rambling. “But maybe we can have a little date tomorrow? You know… Our first Christmas together.”

His words lingered in the air, he waited for you to reply to his obvious confession. He didn’t want this to end as a mistake or a one night thing. He wanted to court you properly and show you that he could also be the best boyfriend ever. 

“Sure. That sounds amazing.” 

The voices of your relatives fill your old home as everyone kept unwrapping their Christmas gifts. Leon was at your side, his thumb brushing against your knuckles. He admired the sight, one he wasn't used to. 

Familial love.

He’s powerless at the teasing words of your family, he takes pride in being independent, but right he can’t help but cling to your arm when your grandmother pulls his cheek as if he was a toddler.

“What a sweet boy you are, Leon. See, I have some gifts for you!” Your grandmother gently but determined grabs your boyfriend’s arm, forcing him to follow her where a vast choice of boxes were displayed. He gives you a look that could be translated into Help me, please. I won’t be able to carry so many gifts.

You shook your head with a chuckle. When your grandma had an idea, nobody could stop her.

You sat on the couch, witnessing how your grandmother pulled out a scarf from one box. She wasted no time wrapping it around Leon's neck. You knew that he was feeling awkward and timid, true to his nature. But there was a glint in his eyes that told you he was really thankful, especially with the way his eyes seemed to soften once your grandma gave him a joyful smile.

“How long have you been together?” A cousin of yours, a few years younger, asked you. Her eyes darted from Leon and then back to you.

“A year.” You smiled softly, your eyes reflecting how proud you were as you said those words. “Exactly one year.”

author's note: please this took me SO LONG I'll never write smut ever again TT anyway re2 leon makes me go all soft please give this man an award for being the best guy.

[veinsfullofstars]

"Still trying to intimidate me? Cute."

(ID: Kirby series fanart of Meta Knight and Galacta Knight based off of a couple dynamics template by @/ReddsMess on Twitter. Original template and source below the cut, as well as a HAL language variant. Top-left panel - high-angle shot of MK lit from above, standing firm and glaring up through his mask, his wings curled out and breaching the panel in places, subtitled "Well well..." Top-right panel - low-angle shot of GK lit from below, looming in the air and leering down through his mask, his wings curled out and his hands spread wide in challenge, both of which breach the panel in places, subtitled "Look who came to see me..." Bottom panel - MK & GK stand next to each other, the latter leaning towards the former and gently caressing the side of his mask with the back of one hand, grinning smugly and wrapping a wing around the knight, subtitled "My Knightmare." MK stands stiffly with his fists clenched at his sides, blushing vividly and glaring away from the warrior. A little flurry of white hearts emanate from GK, while one small one hovers above MK. END ID.)

Started 03/30/24, finished 04/02/24, updated for color correction 11/02/24.

---

HAL language variant:

Original by ReddsMess (template link) NOTE: The artist has marked 16-18+ in their bio, so browse at your own risk!

[holidaywishes]

Happy Halloween

Hate Sex Part 4

Requested: 🤷‍♀️

Summary: After a rather awkward date with Auston, the two of you decide it’s probably best to leave things alone; but Halloween brings you both back to bad habits.

Warning: smut, some fluff and a bit of angst

  Author’s Note: Yes, I’m back. To be honest, I should be writing a sample for my ghostwriting thing but I can’t bring myself to sit down and do it. As you can tell, I started this all the way back in October and kept coming back to it but I never felt like it was finished. I feel like the voice is a little different in this one, maybe less snarky? I don't know, it's just different. I personally don't know how much more I can add to this story but if people keep requesting chapters, I can write some -- maybe just tell me where you want it to go lol. This one is long AF but hopefully, it fulfills everyone’s craving though.

  masterlist

the other masterlist

xx

Auston’s P.O.V

  Hearing (Y/N) say that there could be something more than sex between the two of you was almost like having air back in your lungs. But now where did you stand with her?

  “Wait,” Morgan stuttered as he sat across from you, both waiting for your server to bring your meals to the table, “what exactly are you asking me to do?”

  “Tell me I’m allowed to ask her out…” you awkwardly scoffed

  “You’re both adults. You wanna ask her out? Ask her out. You don’t need my permission,” he said, allowing a smile to spread across your face, “but she’ll probably say no”

  “Wow. Thanks”

  “I’m not gonna lie to you, Matts,” he started, leaning his elbows on the table, “she’s really not your biggest fan. Even if the two of you have been hooking up”

  “Yeah but she said s—

  “She didn’t say anything,” he interrupted and you furrowed your brow in return, “not about starting anything. I just don’t want you getting your hopes up…”

  “So I’m just supposed to leave it, her, alone now?” you asked, hoping for a different answer

  “Ask her out,” he said, “but if she says no, yeah. Let the situation end because if you keep going with the whole fuck buddies thing, one or both of you are going to get hurt.” You bit the inside of your cheek as you took in his words. You knew he was right, you were too emotionally invested already but you thought she was too and the idea of possibly cutting that off wasn’t something you were looking forward to.

xx

  You weren’t sure what to do now. Knowing that Auston had said he wanted more and that you had said you felt something as well had become all-consuming; not that you knew what any of it meant. The two of you hadn’t really talked since that night in the bathroom and now things were getting tense amongst your shared friend group.

  “What would you do?” you asked your best friend during a lunch break, “if you were me?”

  “What would you want to do?” she returned

  “No no,” you scoffed, “don’t do that. I asked what you would do, I really wanna know”

  “It seems pretty clear to me,” she added easily, a smirk quickly appearing on her face, “you both said you have feelings for each other, so it seems clear that you should go for it”

  “That’s what you would do?”

  “That’s what I know you would do,” she urged, “if it was anyone else”

  “It’s just that things are so weird!” you said, exasperated, “I mean I legit hated him and I always thought he hated me, and he probably did, but now he’s saying he has feelings for me and I’m changing my mind? Is that really what’s happening?”

  “Apparently”

  “If anything happens, it would be a terrible idea”

  “I think the terrible idea already happened,” she teased, “whatever happens now is probably a pretty normal thing.”

  “I just don’t like making anyone uncomfortable,” you admitted, “Tessa is asking me questions because Morgan is asking her questions because Auston is asking him questions. Yet, we haven’t spoken since we had sex in the bathroom so…”

  “Why did you have sex in the bathroom?” she asked and you shook your head once before shrugging, “I just mean, you always said public sex was a no, that it would never be the thing you did”

  “And then I did it…” you added with a heavy sigh, “I don’t know. I mean, it really did just sorta happen and there was alcohol involved — I guess I just got caught up in it, in him, that I didn’t really think about where we were.” When she smiled at you with that terrible poker face she had, you furrowed your brow, “what?”

  “You don’t think that your answer just now deserves a second look?” she asked before telling you that she needed to go back to work. “I’ll talk to you later, okay? I love you”

  “Love you” you said as you hugged her back and went your own way. As you drove back to your office, you thought about everything your best friend said, searching for more clarity on everything you’d talked about but only wound up more confused than you started.

xx

Auston’s P.O.V

  You decided just to go for it. Ask out (Y/N) and see what happens. But things were different now. Aside from the fact that you hadn’t spoken to her in months, you were now starting to rethink whether or not she actually meant what she said — because, if she did, why hadn’t she reached out either? You shook your head at your own thought and forced yourself to pick up the phone anyway

  “Hello” (Y/N)’s voice sang from the other end of the phone

  “Hi” you said shyly

  “Auston?”

  “Yeah, uhm,” you replied, clearing your throat to waste time as you thought about what to say, “what are you doing?”

  “What? You called me…” she giggled, a giggle that you could picture the perfect smile with, “how did you even get my number? I’m pretty sure I never gave it to you. For obvious reasons…”

“Mo gave it to me,” you said, “and I just meant what are you doing right now? Are you busy?”

  “Depends…”

  “On?”

  “On what you want.” You smiled, rubbing the back of your neck sheepishly as you paced around your apartment

  “I want— would you like to go on a date with me?”

  “No” it was almost a whisper and you could tell she was caught off guard

  “I mean a real date. In public. Sex completely off the table, not even a thought for either of us”

  “Why?” she asked, “why now? After everything?”

  “Because,” you answered, finally taking a seat, “I know how I feel but I want to be able to get to know each other. I’m really not as bad as you think I am”

  “That sounds like something a narcissist would say”

  “I promise,” you smirked, “I’m not a narcissist. I’d love for you to call me on all my bullshit but, to be fair, you’ll have to learn about me first”

  “You’re serious?”

  “Yeah…” you scoffed. There was silence on the line for a while and you dropped your head as you awaited her polite refusal

  “One date” she finally said and you tried your best to contain your surprise

  “Really?”

  “One date and if it doesn’t go well, then we stop,” she continued, “stop everything. No random calls out of nowhere. No second dates because you want another chance to change my mind. No hookups in bathrooms or hotel rooms. Nothing. It all ends”

  “That’s no fun” you joked

  “That’s the point,” she said sternly, “and that’s the deal.” You chuckled a bit at her seriousness but let your shoulders relax

  “Okay,” you agreed, your smile now beaming, “so are you free tonight?”

xx

  The date was... awkward. It was as if Auston forgot how to interact with not only you but people in general and you couldn’t seem to make it any better. You honestly didn’t know how

  “This is a nice place” you said to fill the empty space

  “Thanks,” he replied, coughing on the sip of water he had taken, “I mean, it’s not mine obviously so I don’t mean ‘thanks,’ I just mean...” You raised your eyebrows as he stumbled over his words before taking a breath, “I’m glad you like it”

  “I’m a little confused...” you whispered, leaning in so only the two of you could hear, “why are we here?”

  “It’s a date..?” he replied hesitantly as if to say ‘did you not get that?’

  “No, I know,” you scoffed, “but why here? I mean... it’s nice. It’s fancy but I don’t know, it doesn’t really seem like you”

  “Aren’t I supposed to be this super arrogant jerk who likes only the best?” he chided and you grinned sarcastically

  “Yes,” you quipped, “but this place isn’t even that. It’s... too fancy for me, yet, not fancy enough for the person you think you are”

  “The person I think I am?”

  “Exactly”

  “What does that even mean? Either I’m arrogant or I’m not, you can’t decide it’s both”

  “I’m not deciding it’s anything, I’m saying this is how it is. You have this image of yourself, an inflated ego that people gave you, and it comes across in everything you do.” Your explanation left his face contorted into what seemed like permanent confusion, “you are not a god, Auston, you’re just a hockey player. Everyone has just made you believe that you’re more than that because... they felt like it. So, you became what they wanted and now you have no idea who you are”

  “You really can’t go an entire conversation without fighting with me can you?”

  “I’m just being honest with you, Auston,” you scoffed, leaning back in your seat, “maybe I thought you’d respect that”

  “Maybe it comes across as condescending” he added, his own scoff mimicking yours

  “Maybe you’re just too sensitive”

  “Maybe you’re meaner than you let people believe”

  “And what if I am?” you sneered, arms crossed as you stared across the table at Auston, one eyebrow raised slightly

  “Then you can’t really say I have no idea who I am when no one has any idea who you are” he replied. You scoffed in return before grabbing your purse and flagging down your server

  “Hi, sorry,” you said politely, a shy smile appearing on your lips, “can I just pay for my meal”

  “(Y/N)…” Auston sighed, “come on that’s ridiculous”

  “When you have a chance, I’ll just grab my bill”

  “So.. it’s separate?” the server asked and you nodded

  “No” Auston countered

  “Yes” you insisted, smiling at the server before sending him on his way

  “Seriously?” Auston scoffed once more

  “I don’t want to be indebted to you. This way I won’t owe you — for anything”

  “I can’t tell if this is mature or petty”

  “That sounds like a you problem.” The server came over with your bill just then and, luckily, he brought out the machine with him so you were able to tap your card and go. “Thank you,” you said to the young man who clearly thought this date was going better than it had, turning to dismiss yourself to Auston, “look, we gave it a try. But we made a deal — if the date didn’t go well, then that would be it. No more. So, thanks, I guess, for the terrible decisions I’ve made these last few years. It’s been a wild ride, but one I never should’ve gotten on”

  “Okay the metaphors are a little much” he said, grabbing your arm as gently as he could to stop you from leaving

  “Let go” you said gently

  “Stay”

  “Why?” you groaned, “to argue some more? To disagree over fundamental parts of each other's personalities? No, sorry, I don’t need that. It was… interesting knowing you Matthews. Catch you in another life.” You left the restaurant hastily, sighing to yourself at the idea of wasting your time before quickly smiling when you realized this meant you could get your life back to normal. Back to when Auston was just some over-hyped, narcissistic man-child who you never asked to have in your life in the first place.

xx

Five months later

  Morticia Addams was always a good choice. Last minute or first thought, alone or couples costume, it always garnered the right kind of attention. It was one of your favourite go-to costumes and you’d always worn it well; perfecting it over the years, of course.

  “Morticia again?” your cousin, Martha, scoffed when you came out in your floor-length, tight black dress

  “It’s a classic” you laughed before fitting your black wig onto your head

  “If I had known that you were going to wear it this much, I never would’ve dressed you up all those years ago”

  “You’re just mad that it works so well on me”

  “Are you ready?” she sighed as she rolled her eyes

  “Yeah,” you smirked, “just gotta put on some lipstick. Go meet me in the car.” Martha’s heels clacked on the hardwood floor as she made her way to the car and you paced around trying to make sure you had everything you needed before going to Tessa and Mo’s Halloween party. When your cousin pulled up in front of the house, you made sure everything on you was where it needed to be — no malfunctions tonight.

  “So wait…” Martha started, “do you think Auston will be in there?”

  “Probably,” you responded, moving your coat to the backseat, “he’s part of the team”

  “Have you talked to him since that date?”

  “Nope” you replied, popping the p as you fixed your lipstick and fell back in the seat

  “So after five months, you’re gonna see him,” she said and you nodded to yourself before turning your body to face her, “what’s that gonna be like?”

  “It’ll be fine. We both agreed to go our separate ways and there shouldn’t be an issue with both of us being there,” you admitted, “we’re just going back to how our lives were before all the bad decisions.” She smirked and shook her head, pushing the car door open and walked to your side of the car

  “Alright,” Martha sighed as you got out of the car and headed toward the house. You spent the first hour grabbing a drink, talking with a few people you knew and meeting a few you didn’t before finally finding Mo

  “Happy Halloween!” he greeted, stretching out his arms and his Dracula cape

  “Happy Halloween!” you returned with a smile

  “Morticia?” Tessa asked as she handed you another drink as she approached the group

  “Yep!” you said happily before noticing her smirk at Morgan who shyly took a sip of his own drink, “what?”

  “Nothing,” Tessa smirked, “you look great.” You weren’t sure what was going on but she wasn’t telling you something. You decided not to let it get to you in order to enjoy the rest of the party; that’s when you saw him.

  “Of fucking course” you whispered to yourself when you noticed Auston in his Gomez Addams costume

  “You guys knew about this, didn’t you?” Martha asked Tessa and Mo with a small laugh

  “Oh yeah” Mo replied

  “I mean,” Tessa corrected, “we knew about his costume, not about hers. It really was all a happy coincidence.” Overhearing Tessa, Mo and Martha made you roll your eyes as Auston made his way to your group, finally stopping softly in front of you. He stood silently for a moment before outstretching his hand to you, grabbing yours to continue the coincidence; this was not a couples costume but he seemed to have everyone else fooled

  “Cara Mia” he smirked before kissing the back of your hand

  “Well isn’t this a… strange coincidence” you scoffed

  “Or it’s fate” he teased, leading you to shake your head and walk away toward the kitchen. “Oh come on,” he groaned as he followed you inside, “why not just play along?”

  “Because,” you replied as you poured yourself another drink, “we agreed to go back to normal life. Normal life didn’t include us playing along with anything.” When the music changed to a slowed-down version of the Addams family theme, courtesy of Martha and Tessa, the group around you and Auston began encouraging you two to dance.

  “What’dya say?” Auston said softly, his palm open toward you and the chanting began to get louder, the peer pressure setting in; you groaned and took his hand with a glare. As he placed his palm flat on the small of your back, you corrected the train of your dress from where it had wrapped around your own legs.

  “I’m doing this so I don’t get shunned,” you chided, “not because I want to”

  “We’re back to that, are we?”

  “We never really left it”

  “Yeah, well...” he paused, leaning in to whisper in your ear, “you look stunning tonight”

  “I know” you whispered back, hoping he didn’t hear the blush you were trying to hide. Your bodies moved together seamlessly and you forgot how terrible that date was for a second, only to be brought back to reality when he moved his hand just an inch down onto your ass and you pushed him away; promptly ending the dance. You walked quickly past him so you could get back to your cousin and enjoy the rest of the party, doing your best to ignore Auston... yet again.

xx

Auston’s P.O.V

You were happy you decided to go as Gomez Addams tonight, if for no other reason than (Y/N) as Morticia. She looked beautiful and bringing her out into the middle of the room for a dance made you flashback to the moments that made you fall for her and when she walked away, you couldn’t help but follow her; even though you knew you shouldn’t.

“Stop” you whined as you ran after her, reaching out to grab her arm but not before she could run up the stairs

“Auston, go back downstairs,” she said, “back to the party. I’m just looking for a bathroom”

“You’re sure you’re not just ignoring me?”

“Can’t I do both?” she smiled sarcastically and you scoffed to yourself. Her pacing between closed doors to find a bathroom proved fruitless and she was soon brought back to you. “You can’t seriously still be trying to do something…” she scoffed, “it’s been five months and that date was a disaster”

“That’s very true. It was a disaster,” you admitted, moving one step closer to her, “and, yet, I haven’t stopped thinking about you once”

“That’s your problem, not mine. I told you that if the date didn’t go well, we’d go back to being nothing to each other”

“Is that really what you want?”

“Are you trying to coerce me into backtracking?” you took a step back in surprise at her words

“What? No, of course not”

“It sounds like you are”

“Well I’m not”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Jesus (Y/N)!” you groaned, exasperated, and threw up your hands, “why can’t you admit that you felt something during that dance?”

“Because it was just a dance!”

“Why can’t you admit that you had feelings for me?”

“I didn’t. I felt… something. But they weren’t feelings for you. It was all lust. Everything between us has been just sex and you know it”

“BULLSHIT!”

“Keep your voice down!” she yelled in a whisper as she pulled you into a nearby room, “my god, you’re so dramatic”

“You’re lying to yourself if you think it’s all been sex”

“Auston, we haven’t seen or talked to each other in five months! I think that makes it pretty clear”

“I don’t,” he said, “I wanted you to stay but you left so I gave you your space”

“Because you thought you were too good that I wouldn't just break and call you?” you groaned and rolled your eyes

“Because I knew there was something there, that we had something, but I wasn’t gonna force it.” You admitted and you hoped she could hear the softness in your tone, “and yeah, sure, I guess I thought you’d realize that too.” You could tell she was hesitant but, once again, the two of you moved together like magnets. You set your hands on her hips, staying there while she stared up at you, a look so intense that you gulped in return.

xx

“Fuck,” you thought to yourself, before feeling his hands slowly climb your body until they cupped your face and, unintentionally, left you breathless. He leaned down with a smirk before kissing your forehead first as if to build the tension and your hands instinctively fell on his waist. When his lips finally met yours, you stepped into him and it wasn’t long until his hands were roaming your body, the kiss intensifying to the point of heavy breathing. “Wait,” you broke the kiss harshly and turned away from him, “we can’t keep doing this. This is dumb. This is bad. Toxic.”

“You’re toxic, I’m slipping under” he teasingly sang as walked over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist

“I’m serious” you whispered, feeling his hands move up your body until they cupped your breasts and pulled your body into him, earning a moan from you. His teeth grazed your neck as he placed kisses from your ear to your collarbone, his hands still firmly holding your breasts

“You look so fucking good right now,” he said breathlessly into your ear, your hands now finally raising to lay on top of his while your head dropped back onto his shoulder

“Fuck” you moaned, moving one hand to the back of his neck as he massaged your breasts. You finally turned back around, hastily removing his clothes with lips intertwined. Your dress wasn’t as easy to remove, being so tight, so Auston had to pull away from the kiss again to find the zipper on the side of your dress and let the fabric fall to the floor. He lifted you up and brought you to the bed, placing you on the edge so he could remove his pants. You pushed yourself back onto the pillows and Auston climbed on top of you shortly after, pulling him down to push your bodies together as his lips crashed into yours.

“Are you okay?” Auston asked suddenly, making you furrow your brow, “I just mean, should we keep going?”

“Yes,” you smiled, twirling your fingers in his hair as he kissed your neck. You hadn’t noticed his hand move down your body until he slid his fingers into your underwear, his calloused fingers moving up and down your folds. When Auston slid his long middle finger into you, you dug your nails into his shoulders and bit your lip to hold back the volume that would surely come out.

“The music’s loud,” he whispered, “you can be loud”

“Someone will still hear,” you said breathlessly, a small moan escaping your lips finally, “fuck”

“Come on,” he urged, planting kisses on the backs of your hands that clutches his shoulders, “be loud. You’re so wet, I wanna hear you scream my name.”

“You always do,” you breathed, “oh my god”

“Scream,” he said and you caught his smirk when you looked down, shaking your head before letting it fall back on the pillow. “Scream” he repeated

“You sound like a serial killer” you laughed, placing your hand on his cheek, bringing his face to yours and planting a kiss on his lips, his fingers working faster to bring you to your high. Your legs began to shake as he put a little bit of pressure on your clit, leading you to bite his lip in pleasure

“Cum, baby”

“Don’t call me baby”

“Cum” he repeated firmly. You continued the kiss, grabbing his hair so tight that you were sure you were going to tear a chunk out. He broke the kiss one last time, biting your collarbone and kissing the inside of your wrist before whispering one more time, “cum.” Something inside you unlocked and you moaned loudly as your body arched into him and your climax consumed you. “There she is” he smirked

“Shut up” you scoffed as Auston rolled onto his back, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and settling in. “What are you doing?” you asked

“What do you mean?”

“This isn’t what this is” you sighed, adjusting your head on his arm before gesturing to where it lay behind you

“Just taking a break…” he scoffed, forcing you to look up at him and furrow your brow, “that okay with you?” You shook your head, deciding to climb on top of him

“Just… shh” you whispered, Auston’s thighs tightening under you while his arms stayed behind his head. His eyes boring into yours as you began to ride him slowly

“Fuck” he breathed, moving one hand from behind his head to explore your chest, fingers trailing from collarbone to breast to nipple. You moaned quietly, hands resting on his chest as you kept your movements slow, feeling Auston’s breathing increase as he took his other hand from behind his head and placed it on your waist; squeezing your side as you moved up and down his length. You began to pant as you rode him, slightly faster now, letting your head fall back as you took in the pleasure you were feeling.

“Fuck” you moaned through heavy breaths and Auston rose up, bringing his chest to yours, halting your breath in your chest as your breasts were pressed against his body; hands gripping your sides intensely. The only thing going through your mind, when something could get past how close you were to your climax again, was how wrong this was. Knowing how terrible the two of you would be as a couple after that date, how he could so easily use someone to make you jealous, the way neither of you tried to make anything healthier if you really wanted to make something work. Because, damn, the sex was good. You brought his lips close to yours, planning on muffling your moans with a kiss when Auston grabbed your hips and kept himself deep inside of you, leaving you nearly shaking at the sensation.

“Don't” he breathed against your lips, making you furrow your brow in confusion as you rocked desperately against his hips; was he seriously telling you not to cum? “Don't say this is the last time”

“What?”

“You always say that this is the last time,” he sighed, hands still on your hips, keeping you in place, “that we can't keep doing this, but then we always end up here. Like this. Doing this...” he kissed your collarbone as you rode him slowly

“You know it's true”

“That doesn't matter”

“Yes it does” you scoffed

“Why do we keep ending up like this then? Naked and moaning in a dark room together?” With one strong thrust, you let out a small whimper and your legs went limp; you slid off his lap to lay on your back as you caught your breath

“Everyone makes a string of bad decisions in their 20s. I'm getting it out of my system”

“Oh is that what this is? Why didn't you say so?” he scoffed, jumping out of the bed to start getting dressed again, “I never would've taken you on that awful date if I knew that's all this was”

“Don't be a baby” you groaned

“You're stringing me along”

“What?!”

“You agr--”

“Do. Not!” you growled as you interrupted him, finally getting out of bed, and taking the top sheet with you to wrap around your body, “I never said that we should be something. I said that this was always a bad idea but for some reason, I couldn't stop myself from doing it”

“And then you said that you were feeling something!”

“Because I thought I was!” you yelled, dropping your head to your hands, “I was wrong. It was the post-sex high I guess. We're not the people who end up together. We fight, we fuck and we go our separate ways. That's it”

“It doesn't have to be...” he practically whined, “I mean if we just tried”

“What is it you like about me?” you asked before leaning down to grab your clothes from where they were strewn on the floor, “tell me honestly because I'm genuinely curious”

“You're smart,” he started, “you're... passionate, fiery, and infuriating but beautiful in spite of it”

“In spite of it?” you scoffed, hastily pulling up your underwear under the sheet and turning your back to him to put on your bra as the fabric fell to the ground, leaving you feeling more exposed than you thought it would. “Real charming,” you finally said, an eye-roll pairing with the harsh tone of voice you gave, “that's really what I would want my partner to think of me. That I'm beautiful in spite of everything else about me. As if that mattered the most”

“That's not what I said” he scoffed right back at you

“Oh but it is”

“No it's not!” he raised his voice slightly, putting on the last bit of his costume before approaching you once more, “I said you can be infuriating because you can be, just like you are now, but that I don't care because-”

“Because I'm beautiful” you sarcastically smiled, arms crossed over your still nearly naked body

“Fine, yeah, that's what I said,” he conceded, “but what's wrong with me thinking you're beautiful? And did you miss that I said you're smart and passionate?”

“No,” you said, stance firm in disobedience, “but it doesn't mean anything. Not once you mentioned how I looked”

“Why?” he asked and you could tell he was honestly curious. As if he was a student learning something new for the first time; like he'd never known that there could be something wrong with complimenting a girl on her appearance. You furrowed your brow, softly, as you thought about your words

“Because it negates everything that you said before it. I can be beautiful to you, sure, that's great. Thank you,” you explained, as politely as you could muster, “but if it's following that I'm smart and I'm passionate and I'm strong and I'm brave, for me, it's as if you're saying it's amazing that someone who is all those things is also beautiful. Like they're mutually exclusive. One or the other.”

“Okay...” he started, scrunching his eyebrows together in clear confusion as he sat down at the foot of the bed, “but if I don't say you're beautiful then you'll be offended. There's no winning!”

“Relax,” you teased, “look, maybe there's a girl who feels differently than I do. Maybe she wants to be told she's beautiful and maybe that's all that matters to her. But I would much rather hear someone say 'You're beautiful but I care more about your mind and your heart than your body.'” Your voice was softer now, you felt a sudden need to nurture this man who'd pretended to be so macho this whole time. You moved toward him until you were standing in front of him, placing the palm of your hand on his cheek, “I've spent too much of my life worrying about how people think of me based on how they look at me. I'm tired of being pretty or not pretty enough to someone and I don't want to be with someone who is still caught up in 'appearances matter.' Does that make sense?”

“Yes,” he said clearly, deep brown eyes piercing right through to your soul and you could feel yourself being pulled in again, “I'm sorry. I just... I want you to know how amazing I think you are and how amazing we could be if we decided to give us a shot”

“Auston...” you sighed, finally sitting down next to him, “Passion, desire, comes from a lot of different places but ours came from hate. It made the sex great, amazing even, but it's not like that means we're on track to start a relationship. I mean you don't really believe that, do you?”

“I mean, I could,” he admitted and you tilted your head, “I've grown legit- legitimate feelings for you,” he corrected his abbreviated word in what you considered to be his way of sounding more mature. “You can't argue with me on that because you're not me”

“You can see how this wouldn't work though, can't you?” you tried, hoping to somehow, someway, get through to him. Knowing that the two of you could easily end up in the same place another five months from now but that you would always leave feeling the same way -- like you were purposely running toward red flags because it meant you didn't have to commit to anything real.

“Maybe,” he sighed, rubbing his face harshly before dropping his elbows on his knees and looking straight ahead at the door, “but I also know what I'm feeling and I think we'd be stupid to ignore that you're feeling something too.” You took a deep breath, annoyed at the loop you'd found yourself in, and stood up to find your black dress strewn on the floor. Stepping in and shimmying into it slowly so as to not rip the zipper - a very real fear at this point in the night.

“Help me with this, won't you?” you asked, referring to the zipper that you could clearly do up on your own but you knew it would force you to feel his breath on your skin. Auston finished zipping your dress and placed his hands on your hips for a moment before kissing your temple

“I've never met anyone like you before,” he whispered and you turned your head slightly toward him, “I don't want to lose you.” You stood there for a minute, facing forward, Auston's hands on your hips, his chest against your back and his breath cascading down your neck. You took a minute to embrace the moment and appreciate how solid he felt behind you, scanning your mind desperately to find the same... hope he seemed to have about you with him. You fell back against his chest, a motion you'd done before when you needed to feel reassured; his steady heartbeat let the once chaotic mood in the room settle almost instantly.

“I wish I knew what to say here...” you admitted, finally turning to face him, your eyes slowly scanning his body up until his caught yours

“Say that you don’t wanna lose me either” he leaned down a little, fingers grazing your arms slowly

“I want…” you hesitated, turning away from his kiss at the last minute, “something normal. Something easy, uncomplicated,” you said simply, looking away from his eyes only long enough to watch your palms flatten on his chest. “I don’t think that’s with you.” His eyes searched yours and all you could do was give him a look of sympathy, knowing that’s not what he wanted to hear

“So I guess that’s it…” he huffed, backing away and you nodded, “or just until next time? Yet again?” You took a step toward him, feeling the train of your dress drag on the floor before you stopped in front of him, holding his hand in yours as you kissed his cheek. Whether it was the end or not, you couldn’t be sure, time had proven that you weren’t as strong as you thought you were, but right now, at this moment, you knew it had to be goodbye. You let go of his hand and turned to walk toward the door, looking back at him once you stood in the open frame, his stillness telling everything you needed to know.

You weren’t used to seeing him this vulnerable, even in times when you wished he would be, and you hated that you knew how much this was going to hurt him.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

i’m obsessed with the idea of cult leader!geto pining for a reader who just fucking hates him ….... maybe it’s someone from his past that he left behind when he defected, maybe they’re bitter and spiteful and all they do is hiss and bite but he’s so smitten. you can do no wrong in his eyes. he deserves the curses and anger, he knows, and he receives them with a smile and eyes full of hearts. he gets giddy when you scowl at him. he just thinks you’re love personified. he’s so gentle and patient that it’s infuriating because nothing you do or say will get him to bite back — it’s like you’re a kitten gnawing at his fist but he does nothing but coo at you even when you draw blood

[thepersonperson]

Sukuna’s Loneliness Part 4 (Sukuna’s Negative Rizz)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5

Some warnings before we start.

1) This analysis deals with sexual topics.

2) I will be mainly using the TCB scans because of their accessibility. Raws are from mangareader(.)to.

3) This was written as of JJK 262 266. (I'm just going to keep updating this until I stop finding things I should've noticed earlier.)

4) The raws broke me in ways you cannot possibly imagine.

(Click images for captions/citations.)

Fighting as Communication

Baki the Grappler. This is a manga where men destroy each other’s bodies as a test of strength. It’s poorly written but the art is terrifying and I love it so dearly. Between fights of extreme violence and body horror the characters eat. And that’s it. That’s the manga.

I bring Baki up because Gege is a huge fan of Fujimoto Tatsuki, the creator of Chainsawman. Fujimoto is a fan of Gege too, but more importantly, he is a huge fan of Itagaki Keisuke, the creator of Baki. (His daughter made Beastars btw.) In a way, this means Jujutsu Kaisen has been influenced by Baki. But that’s not a surprise, a lot of manga is.

Itagaki’s work is so massively influetial on Japanese media that it’s kind of hard to grasp since it’s not as popular overseas. When listening to interviews from various Japanese creators, Baki will often be cited as a major influence. And the thing is, you can tell when a creative has read Baki. There’s nothing quite like it. If you’ve read Baki and consume Chainsawman, you will see its bones everywhere. I feel the same about Jujutsu Kaisen.

The main antagonist in Baki is Yujiro Hanma. He is the strongest creature alive. So much so that he has no one to call a rival. He’s bored. He causes trouble. He kills his wife to motivate his son, Baki into becoming stronger. His son, Baki, who he grooms into becoming a fighter that might beat him in combat one day. Kind of sounds like Sukuna, right?

But that’s not my point here. My focus is how Baki doubles as a discussion about strength and manhood. It’s aggressively bisexual. Men love each other with their fists. Straight up the main character says having sex with women is the same thing as fighting men.

And it just doesn’t stop there. The homoerotic nature of the fights is never shyed away from. Here’s an example of my favorite.

He grabs his balls and compliments their size. That’s pretty gay, right? Well there’s this reanimated prehistoric caveman called Pickle that fights Baki’s brother Jack. And how do they fight? They kiss.

I didn’t call it a kiss. Itagaki did. I didn’t say they melded together. Itagaki did. This mangaka overtly calls attention to the homoerotic nature of men fighting men, and how men communicate their love for each other through violence. And yes, it’s sexual. Itagaki wants you to read it that way.

But sometimes he doesn’t want you to read it that way. Sometimes the fights are a dialogue, an emotional conversation. Like one between father and son.

Itagaki is a master of narrative framing. When he wants you to feel a certain way, you will feel it. He also tells his readers that there’s more to the fights than just fighting.

Those are the ideas that help me see the bones of Baki in other works. Men loving men with violence. Men communicating with men through violence. I see these ideas in Jujutsu Kaisen too.

Jujutsu Communication

I’ve gone over how Yuji commucates with other people on their own terms. And a lot of it is through fighting. A conversation without words, learning how someone works. Yuji is good at using fights as tool of communication.

But he’s not the one who tells you that there’s more to the fights than just fighting. Maki does in her spar with the sumo guy.

Just like Baki. Fighting is a means of communication. Gege has told you that there can be more to the fights than fighting. It's a tool used to understand the self and others.

With that in mind, I want to reexamine a particular fight under the lens of Baki rather than Umineko.

Sukuna vs Gojo

Baki tells you that homoerotic readings of its fights are intentional. If you ask me, this probably stems from historical stances on masculinity and homosexuality in ancient Japan. Men loved men and women differently, but both were ok. That’s how Baki can have a girlfriend and his gay fights. Peak bisexual optimization.

What does Jujutsu Kaisen have to do with this? Well it has been extremely queer friendly. We have a multidue of canonical trans characters, non-binary characters, and other flavors of queer characters not disparaged for their identities, Gojo Satoru included. It may not be stated outright, but Gojo and Geto do love each other in a gay way. The subtext is so persisent it’s basically text.

In other words, Gege has already told us, yes please have queer readings of this text. It’s the same way Baki tells you, yes this is straight up convoluded gay sex. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to reread the Sukuna and Gojo fight as some ridiculous mating display between two men who are fighting over can miscommunicate their intent the hardest.

Framed as Courtship

Let’s start with the framing. The pre-fight set up. How does text tell you queer readings are allowed?

Kenjaku does. It’s romantic. It’s a date. This reading has been made valid explicitly. And if there’s room for doubt because of the sarcasm? There’s still additional support for it.

We already know how badly in love Gojo is with Geto. The fight is on the 24th of December, the most romantic day in Japan. And in a fun little Geto parallel, who declared the start of war on this day, violence underlines this new romantic venture.

That doesn’t include Sukuna who recalls Yorozu’s words about teaching love in the context of marriage.

Gojo never heard that conversation which is why the next point is absolutely insane.

The outfit Gojo initially is in resembles that of a groom at a Shinto wedding.

Shinto weddings were implemented after the Heian era. Part of the ceremony includes a priest and a shrine maiden who respectively stand to the right and left of the altar. A purification ritual will occur, lead by the priest, to cleanse the shrine before vows are exchanged. Gakuganji is the priest and Utahime is the shrine maiden. To the right and left of Gojo respectively.

The bride at a Shinto wedding wears mainly white. After the 200% Hollow Purple cleanses the area, the dark shawl is removed and Sukuna remains in mostly white.

How interesting that this battle has been framed as one between groom and bride.

The thing is, marriage in the Heian era was far more lax. There were no major ceremonies. If a man was interested in marrying a woman, he would visit her for 3 nights after receiving approval from her father. Upon the passing of their 3rd night together, the family would have an informal celebration of their union in private. Even after marriage, multiple partners were allowed and sometimes encouraged.

Yorozu’s big celebration proposal to Sukuna and banning of concubines was quite improper by Heian standards. Though it is in line with modern marriages. If Sukuna did not consume any Shinto wedding literature, he probably didn’t recognize that Gojo was dressed as a groom.

But did Gojo dress this way for Sukuna intentionally? The Toji fit served an entirely different purpose. It’s the robes and pre-fight ceremony that catch my attention. So I propose the following:

1) Gojo dressed up as a groom to die and be wed with his one and only Geto in death.

2) Gojo dressed up as a groom in part as an offering to Sukuna. And because Sukuna is from the Heian era it went over his head entirely.

3) Gojo intended for both of these things at the same time and left who he would end up with to fate.

Regardless of what Gojo was going for here, it’s a visual cue combined with the knowledge of it being Dec 24th that encourages the reader to perhaps consider the fight as something other than just a fight. A date perhaps? Kenjaku made the connection and neither Gojo or Sukuna really denied it. Gojo gave the weak excuse of a death anniversary confusion. But much weirder, given how hostile he was to Yorozu, Sukuna did not object to the romantic framing in any capacity.

Am I reaching? Is this reading intentional?

When I start getting this confused by how a translated work wants me to read it, I try to refer to the original language text and anyone who knows it for missing context. Sometimes localizations add things that weren’t there or push readers towards one interpretation. So for the rest of this analysis, I’m going to be focusing on the raws.

I’m going to be honest. My Japanese fudging sucks. I can barely read kanji and can’t reliably translate anything. Feel free to correct me if I got something wrong. That being said, with what little I do know, I have discovered something interesting.

In this post I talked about how weird Sukuna’s manner of speech is. I focused on his you pronoun usage of お前 (Omae) for everyone else and 貴様 (Kisama) for Gojo since this is a strong indicator of how a character views their relationship to someone.

Here's a summary of the two points I made in that post:

1) Omae is informal and either a casual thing amongst peers or indicates the speaker's higher status. Since Sukuna is arrogant, we can reasonably assume he's talking down to people.

2) Kisama historically was a formal show of respect, but in modern times it is a hostile insult, much more rude than Omae. Since Sukuna is 1,000 years old and hates Yuji (who he uses Omae with), we can reasonably assume Sukuna was being friendly to Gojo when he used Kisama.

With that pronoun usage in mind, while examining the raws for the infamous “You Cleared My Skies” speech I found this:

Kisama. Sukuna is very happy and lavishing Gojo with praise. The assumption it was formal from the start seems to be correct. It's hard to read this any other way.

Though Japanese can easily be dubious in its interpretation, there are instances where context can cut off all other readings. I truly believe this one of those cases.

Now, to confirm Sukuna is still only treating Gojo this way I started looking at his you pronouns as he got excited post-Gojo death. Maki is the person he seems to admire the most.

He’s still just using Omae. What does that mean? Gojo is in his own fudging category for Sukuna and he has been there since the start of the manga. (For more on why this is significant, refer to this post.)

Wow ok. That’s pretty intense! We’ve got Gojo dressed up as a groom on December 24th and Sukuna treating Gojo different from anyone else. I read their fight again under the lens of explicit courtship and focused in on these specific panels.

Satisfaction. Now that’s a word that can easily carry a sexual connotation. Love as well. The parallel syntax fascinated me in English. So I decided to look at the raws and see how close they are.

Pretty much the same except for "the one who will teach you love" and "the one satisfying him now". Since the one being satisfied is Gojo by Sukuna, it really seems we can assume the one being taught love is Gojo by Sukuna.

Time to learn some Japanese again!

Kanji has multiple readings. Most have at least two. The Onyomi (Chinese) reading typically used for nouns and the Kunyomi (Japanese) reading typically used for verbs. (This is not always the case but it’s the basics.)

That’s probably why 満 is read as まん (man) when Gojo and Geto are talking about “satisfaction” using the On version and み (mi), the Kun version, when the narrator is talking about who “satisfies” who.

However 満 on its own does not mean satisfaction. It means full. To be filled. Or fullness. 足 (zoku) is added as a modifier after 満 to be read as satisfaction 満足 (manzoku). 足 usually means feet, but it can also mean to be sufficient. Manzoku therefore has a direct translation of being sufficiently full. It’s not a surprise a lot of food places in Japan use Manzoku in their names or advertising.

But what’s this? Why is this sentence written as 満たして or Mi(tashite) instead of 満足して or Manzoku(shite)? The addition of Zoku is what transforms Man into "satisfying". Without the Zoku, it’s just "fill". The means this sentence can be read as “The one filling him up now is—”

We’ve already established that the blank is Sukuna. The new problem is that he’s filling Gojo up. And boy, does that sound homoerotic to put it lightly. But perhaps I am reaching.

So I did what any sane person would do in this situation. I read hentai.

Surely if the phrase 満たして (mitashite) can carry a sexual connotation I will find it in hentai.

...

I immediately found a yaoi doujin called Fill me with your Big Love aka おっきな愛で満たして (Okkina Ai de Mitashite). Honestly, I found too many doujins about creampies specifically. (You have internet access verify this yourself.) When you search Manzokushite the results are much more in line with life satisfaction than sexual satisfaction. ...So Gege decided to use the more frisky phrasing.

Manzoku is also the name of an active sex toy manufacturer (I’m not linking them use a search engine.) and a discontinued adult entertainment news company. So the satisfaction Gojo and Geto talk about, along with Geto using 妬 (ya), the jealous kanji often used between lovers, is definitely probably carrying a sexual connotation too.

So, I’m not reaching. What the fudge did Gege mean by this?

Now that we've established that I am NOT reaching. What do we do with this information?

Well, we ruminate on the fight with the knowledge that Sukuna, of his own volition, decided to get Gojo off, probably.

I have forgiven Nanami for calling Gojo a pervert. If I watched someone bust a nut after being cut in half by his sworn enemy instead of saving the country, I too would be like what the fudge.

Anyways, the typical phrase used for an orgasm in Japanese is 行く(iku). It translates as to go. And yes it can mean to die, as in going to the other side. To die and go to heaven if you will. Which is what Gojo did with a big old smile on his face.

There’s also the term 心天 (tokoroten). It refers to a dish were a semi-opaque white substance is pushed through holes to create noodles. Literal translation using the kanji for heart 心 (kokoro) and the kanji for heaven 天 (ten). (Don’t ask me why them being smack together turns the Koroko into Tokoro. I don’t know.) Which in slang refers to prostate orgasms. This has nothing to do with this analysis I wanted to drop this fun fact in here. …And this image of Sukuna clutching his heart while looking at someone he sent to heaven.

(This is a reach but the idea of this being an elaborate gay pun amuses me greatly.)

I have another fun slang term: 賢者タイム (kenjataimu) which directly translates to sage 賢者 (kenja) time タイム (taimu). This refers to post-nut clarity sending someone into a meditative-like state.

Oh that’s a bit familiar. Sukuna was giving sagely advice to Kashimo and reflecting on satisfaction and love.

And what’s this? Mitashite has made a reappearance! Sukuna is saying “I’ve never thought about needing another person to fill me up.” Which 1. further supports the 'The one satisfying/filling him (Gojo) now is—Sukuna.' reading and 2. suggests Sukuna is a top suggests Sukuna really doesn’t have sexual interest in people. (Since the context of this convo is relationships and love.)

By the way. Acts of eating in Japanese can be modified to carry sexual meanings. It’s a bit more suggestive than English, but it carries over pretty well I think? 肉食系 (nikusokukei) refers to someone who aggresively pursues romantic or sexual relationships. Composed of the kanji 肉 (niku) for meat, 食 (ta) for eating, and 系 (kei) class. If you noticed, 食 isn’t usually read as Soku. It becomes Soku when paired with Niku for some reason. (I don’t know why someone please help me.) Side by side the kanji 肉食 (nikusoku) means meat-eater.

食 is still interesting on it’s own. The 食べる (taberu) reading is normal eating. The 食う(kuu) reading is an innuendo. It can mean to devour someone, like a cannibal, or devour someone sexually.

Sukuna has made it very clear that his eating of people is literal. There’s no innuendo. In fact, if you read into it, he’ll kill you (rip Yorozu and Kashimo).

Gojo, however, appears to be his sole exception to this rule. When Sukuna tells Kashimo not to spoil his pleasure he uses the kanji 興 (kyou). This of course can be directly translated as pleasure, but the Chinese reading of it can also indicate intense excitement or sexual arousal.

Sukuna is pretty good at double-entendre wordplay if his earlier stunts with the kanji for Enchain doubling as Megumi Activities if read a different way is anything to go by. He's a fan of Chinese literature. It's not a stretch to assume there's more going on here.

And if notoriously homophobic Reddit dudebros are posting things like this. Maybe there's a lot more merit to this reading than I can currently grasp.

I’m still pretty convinced Sukuna is aroace. That of course doesn’t bar him from pursuing romantic or sexual relationships. Sometimes there’s the one exception. Sometimes the desire to be with and please an allo partner allows for engagement of activities they aren’t into. Sometimes the actions are pursued without the emotional attachment because they physically feel good. There’s also the gray-scale and demi labels to consider.

With that in mind, I want to emphasize this all points to how important Gojo is to Sukuna regardless of sexuality. He tried to engage with and understand Gojo on terms he won’t for anyone else. And he’s been pursuing this connection relentlessly since the start of manga.

Sukuna’s Negative Rizz

Ok I established that reading the Sukuna vs Gojo fight as unhinged courtship is supported by the text. That doesn’t really say anything about Sukuna sucking at it.

But, my dear reader, that in of itself is proof of his negative rizz. I had to sit down. Learn about Heian era and Shinto wedding rituals, learn more Japanese, splice seemingly unrelated manga panels together, read hentai, and know that Gege is into yaoi to come to this conclusion. I had to rip every little shred of characterization and context apart and rearrange it into something comprehensible.

You know who can’t do that? Gojo.

As far as Gojo is concerned, Sukuna hates him. Kisama is an extremely hostile you pronoun in modern times. And if Gojo can’t tell Shoko (his closest friend after Geto) is stressed over him being used like a meat puppet by her visibly falling back on her addiction, he’s going to default to the assumption Sukuna hates him just as much as everyone else.

And Gojo does just that. He assumes he failed to reach Sukuna. Despite how often they did hand to hand combat and weaponized their knowledge of each other, Gojo believes they never had proper conversation through fighting. He dies not understanding Sukuna, convinced the other was not trying to communicate with him at all.

And if you recall, all of this fight occurred while Sukuna was wearing Megumi’s face. That boy is pretty much Gojo’s adopted child. From my experience, most single parents do not go looking for clones of their kids as partners.

If someone wore the skin of my family member I would assume they were trying to torment me. And torment Gojo Sukuna does. He draws attention to Megumi’s soul being used as collateral and attacks him with the 10 Shadows. We as the audience know this is all for the sake of getting past Infinity using his Shrine. Gojo doesn’t know that. He’s fighting an evil dude who is puppeting the body of his son for god knows what reason.

Seriously, Sukuna sucks at communicating intent.

In Part 3 of my examination of Sukuna’s loneliness, I said Dismantle is a tool Sukuna uses to understand. And that him upgrading it by making Gojo the center of his world was indicative of his desire to reach him. I also said his refusal to use it on Yorozu was him expressing how little interest he had in her.

Yorozu is pissed by this. She sees it as Sukuna rejecting her and I don’t think she’s wrong. Sukuna saved his special Cursed Technique (CT) for Gojo while turning Yorozu down. If we’re considering all the wedding imagery and references that started with Yorozu, I’m certainly allowed to read that as him saving himself for Gojo. (Think of how he lied to Gojo about being the first one he killed.)

There’s also the fact that Yorozu saw their battle as an expression love and lust—that the usage of CT is a type of foreplay under certain circumstances since it is an extension of the self. Combine that with the established premise that fighting is a type of a communication thanks to Maki vs Sumo Guy and you can start to see the courtship logic behind Sukuna’s treatment of Gojo.

If we are to read “The one who will teach you love is…Sukuna” there’s another adorable caveat. Yorozu uses the you pronoun あなた (Anata) for Sukuna.

It’s an informal you pronoun used by people learning Japanese. Native speakers try to avoid using it as it can come across as rude. But in the context of love? This is colloquially called the wife pronoun as its often used by a wife to her husband.

If you wanted to localize its usage in the way Yorozu means it, Anata might become “you, dear”. So here we have Sukuna dressed in white, like a bride to Gojo’s groom, thinking of him as Anata.

The problem is, Gojo doesn’t know that. Sukuna never bothered to open his mouth and say this was an act of love. Sure he told Kashimo in the most roundabout way possible, but Gojo was the one who needed to hear that. If a courtship is going to be this diabolically complicated, there has to be clear hints for the other party. JJK is not Umineko where there’s a witch that can revive the dead over and over until the idiot finally understands this was all for them.

Gojo also doesn’t have access to the kanji Sukuna uses to describe certain techinques or words. He hears the phonetics and runs with whatever best fits the context. This means there’s no way for him to catch the double-meaning unless he’s a certain type of lingust, which he is not. His manner of speech and personal interests don’t line up with the flowery language of the Heian Era. The types of written works Gojo is into are historical war politics from the Sengoku period (known for violence more than the fine arts), Shonen manga, and physics/math.

And what's this? According to CFYOW (the canon light novels): JJK Thorny Road at Dawn, Chapter 3 Asakusabashi Elegy, Gojo doesn't even like ancient poetry. You know, the thing Sukuna enjoys and tries to communicate with.

The Kokin Wakashu Gojo off-handedly disparages is a compilation of Hiean Era poetry known as Waka. This was the primary means of communication amongst the noble class and spiritual leaders at the time. And the thing is, this poetry is supposed to be read into. Down to the quality of stroke and paper, not just the kanji written. Especially for courtship.

It’s not that Gojo is stupid. He just doesn’t specialize in the studies that would give him a more critical ear to Sukuna's words. And Sukuna doesn’t seem to understand that no one in the modern era communicates like this anymore.

If you didn’t know, this is why Japanese characters introduce themselves they often describe what kanji their name is spelled with. Take for example: Satoru. He uses the kanji 悟 meaning enlightenment. This kanji can be read as Go instead of Satoru. Additionally, the name Satoru can be written in kanji as 聡 for smart, 智 for wisdom, 知 for knowledge, 了 for understanding, 哲 for philosophy, 聖 for virtuous, or 暁 for daybreak. That’s 8 different kanji possible if you hear the name Satoru.

This is why Sukuna’s wordplay for everything else can be easily missed by other characters. They hear the words and cannot read the kanji like us. Context decides what Sukuna means for them. And since Sukuna’s context for most is violence and insults, it’s very hard for them to think about his words in any other way.

And boy howdy does Gojo miss it. Sukuna straight up calls him his husband and it took me several rereads to catch it. While mocking Gojo for being unable to open his domain, Sukuna calls him "painfully ordinary". This is localized from the word 凡夫 (bonpu) which can also be translated as unenlightened. (A layered insult! Sukuna is pretty much saying Gojo's sorcery is so boring he shouldn't even call himself the Honored One.)

The thing is...Bonpu is comprised of the 2 kanji 凡 for mediocre, and 夫 for husband. (Please note that there are many other ways to call Gojo a ditz without using the kanji for husband.) And an update from the Replies: Turns out there's layers to the gayness too.

It's come full fudging circle. Gojo came dressed as a groom for a wedding and Sukuna thinks they're already married. The miscommunication is off the rails.

But wait! There's more...

Earlier I mentioned that the kanji for Enchain doubles as Megumi Activities. Let's break that down more. (Unfortunately the Twitter account of the person I referenced may or may not be nuked so here's this screenshot I've doctored.)

So we have the translation of Enchain from 契闊 (Keikatsu), which might be better localized as Separation.

This term comes from a Chinese poem about lovers who are husband and wife in The Book of Odes, Section I (Lessons from the States), Chapter 3 (The Odes of Bei), Poem 31 (Banging the Drum). (Here's a link to the full poem and context of it.)

In summary, it’s about a soldier who is on the brink of death, having lost nearly everything after being abandoned by those in power, lamenting the happiest days of his life with his love are ones he can never get back. (Hey that sounds just like what Sukuna did to Yuji!)

Keikatsu specifically comes from this passage:

“Our vow is beyond death and life”, I and you are together I always remembered. I will hold your hand, And together we grow old.

Too pitiful we are faraway apart, The distance separates us to meet again! Too miserable this takes forever, And it does not let us fulfill our vow!

Keikatsu is used to exemplify how the physical distance between the husband and wife prevents them from fulfilling their wedding vows. And that's just what Keikatsu/Enchain does to Yuji and Megumi, it causes painful separation neither of them wanted.

Keikatsu also tells Yuji exactly how Sukuna plans to do it. 契(kei)闊(katsu) can be written as 恵(kei)活(katsu). The kanji 恵 can be read as Kei or...Megumi. (It's the literal kanji used for his name.) The kanji 活 (katsu) can mean "activities", which is how we get Enchain=Megumi Activities.

A two for one special! Sukuna mocks Yuji for being so close with Megumi while telling him exactly how he's going to destroy their relationship.

It seems this has nothing to do with Gojo until you consider the 3rd possible reading from wordplay with 契闊 (Keikatsu). The kanji 契 when read as Kei refers to a promise, pledge or vow. When 契 read as Chigi? It can refer to sexual intercourse, especially between husband and wife.

So we have 契闊(keikatsu, separation), 恵(kei Megumi)活(katsu, activities), and 契(kei chigi, spousal sex)活(katsu, activities). It's no wonder he erased Yuji's memory of it.

Keep in mind, that when Sukuna uses Keikatsu, the only vow that he has made at this point is his promise to kill Gojo. He eventually does that using Megumi's body during a fight framed between groom and bride. And for reasons beyond their control, Sukuna and Gojo have been unable to fulfill that vow through lengthy separation.

Notes from poem "Banging the Drum" Sukuna references include the following:

"And during the operation, he lost his horse, which was a desperate situation (horses in ancient time carried soldier supply and weapons, are life companion for soldiers in advance or retreat), he lost his horse, his supply, maybe his armor and weapons, and the road he was facing that we may lose his life so he may never go back. In all these mess, he started searching, and somehow at this hopeless moment he started to revisit his happiest moment, when he together vowed in marriage ceremony with his wife, and he was even afraid that he might never see his love again."

"And His last statement for his true value is his home, his love, his fulfillment of his vow is his true duty. Hero's duty is to pursue love."

In Buddhism, which JJK is heavily influenced by, horses are a pretty big deal. Horses can represent the path to enlightenment, especially since The Buddha's horse is what takes him on this journey away from his wife and children. They separate in the end though, the horse dying of a broken heart.

Remember how Sukuna called Gojo unenlightened? He sort of guided Gojo to enlightenment using Mahoraga, whose Eight-Handed title is a reference to the Eightfold Path to be followed for enlightenment. Buddhist enlightenment is centered around liberation from suffering. (Just check the wiki entry to verify this.) Infinity was the source of Gojo's suffering and Sukuna cut right through it.

Sukuna has been running around with a broken heart for a good chunk of the post-Gojo fight. And if you take that into consideration with this poem and all the other symbolism, he's somehow a Buddha, a Bodhisattva, the dying husband, the widowed wife, and the heartbroken horse all at the same time. Not unlike his wordplay taking on every possible meaning at once.

But my point here is that Sukuna might’ve seen his fight with Gojo as consummation of their marriage. (There's probably a joke in here about the husband reaching climax while leaving his wife unsatisfied.) Remember in the wise words of Itagaki Keisuke, "Fighting and sex are exactly the same!"

In Conclusion?

This is possibly one of the most bizarre and elaborate expressions of love I have lost my mind over. Sukuna gave everything Gojo ever wanted from Jujutsu violently. He did it in such an unpleasant and cruel way that the target of his affection thought there was nothing between them. Sukuna also hid his intent under social norms that no longer exist. Unless Gojo happened to be into ancient literature, there was never a scenario where he would catch onto this. Sukuna's failure is critical on multiple levels.

It’s impressive. It really is. No one knows how Sukuna’s strange little brain works so he’s stuck being loner without anyone that fully understands him. (I’m still thinking about how Uraume didn’t know Sukuna was a twin for over 1,000 years.) He’d have to let people in and tell him outright, but he’s just like Gojo so I guess that’s never happening.

[godsofhumanity]

Hades: [trying to feel the baby kick] Hera: Sorry this is taking so long. He kicked for everyone else. Zeus: It's hard for the little one to perform under pressure. Demeter: Top 10 things Zeus said on his wedding night! Hades: Woah, it was small, but I think I felt something. Poseidon: Top 10 things Hera said on her wedding night. Hera: [starts laughing] Zeus: Stop laughing at it, Hera :( Hades, Demeter, Poseidon and Hestia: Top 10 things Zeus said on his wedding night!!

[red-riding-wood]

I Want You to Want Me

Pairing: Neil Lewis x F!Reader

Fandom: Watching the Detectives

Summary: Neil receives a frantic call and finds you outside of Gumshoe after a date night gone wrong. Secretly habouring feelings for you ever since the two of you met, he finds you oddly irresistable in your tears and torn fishnets.

Warnings: SMUT, mutual pining, dub-con touching, dryhumping, riding, foreplay, teasing, begging (m), masturbation (m), clothed sex (semi), Neil being a wet paper towel, so just Neil being Neil, pervy Neil, switch!Neil, slight dom but mostly sub!Neil because c'mon guys it's NEIL, slight dom!reader, body worship, public sex (technically?), premature ejaculation (sort of?), angst, some fluff? by my standards anyway lol so take that with a grain of salt -- this ended up being more wholesome than I thought it would be

Inspired by this cover of I Want You To Want Me (the reader's song) and Creep (Neil's song) by Radiohead.

Huge thanks to @your-nanas-house for getting me started with a prompt for this and cheering me on!

Totally nicked the "jock boyfriend" inspo from @cillianmesoftlyyy's fic here; go check that out if you want more spicy Neil content, because it was fantastic!

And thank you and also fuck you to @rysko for dramatically beta reading this in my ear WHILE I WAS TRYING TO MAKE THE HEADER

And now that I'm done thanking every fic writer on tumblr, my parents, the Royal Society for the Prevention of Birds, and Saturn and all of its rings, enjoy your filth!

WC: 4239

He found you outside the back door of Gumshoe, huddled against the concrete step, the cool air of the spring night nipping at the wet tears that streaked your cheeks, the slight breeze stirring a shiver from one fretful limb to the next. The whites of your eyes burned red beneath the faint glow of the lanterns atop the neighbour’s picket fence. It wasn’t exactly the most incognito place to cry your eyes out, but you didn’t have a key to Neil’s store, and it was nearly three in the morning. 

“Hey, I got your call. What’s going on?” A familiar voice broke the pitiful sounds of your sobbing, and the tension of your shoulders eased if only slightly at the mere sound. 

You tried to answer past your sobs, but found that your words came only in hiccups, in broken fragments of your splintered heart, and it didn’t take long for him to sweep an arm around your shoulders, lowering himself to sit beside you on the cold step. Instinctively, you found yourself leaning into his touch, trembling against the warmth of his body. 

Neil was never really great at these sorts of things to begin with, but it certainly didn’t help that his attention was drawn to the low-cut top where a tear streaked down the groove of your breasts, to the fishnets that you’d torn on your way out the door of your boyfriend’s, to the short skirt that rode up just enough for him to catch a glimpse of the lace hem of your panties. 

He swallowed, his throat suddenly dry, and he tried to keep his eyes on the face you so desperately tried to hide with your trembling fingers, for you were ashamed of your unkempt appearance. You must’ve looked like a cheap whore – a mess of one, no less. You couldn’t tell what was more embarrassing: the way you were dressed, like you were begging for attention, or the way your emotions seized you so cruelly that you could scarcely breathe. 

“Hey.” His warm, careful touch landed on your wrist, and as you pulled your fingers from your lashes, they came away black with smudged mascara. “I’m here,” your friend said. “Tell me what happened.”

You could still only speak in hiccups and broken vowels.

“Shhh,” Neil soothed you, fingers running up and down your spine, sending tiny shivers through each nerve as the fabric of your shirt bunched and his skin brushed yours. “Shhh. I’m here.”

Resting your head on his shoulder, your hair spilled in sticky threads over the jacket that, judging by the slight musty scent that lingered in the weave of the corduroy, had probably missed one too many washes. But you didn’t care. You’d come to appreciate the little imperfections about him, the details of his scent that made Neil Neil. Like the waxy tinge that seemed to always cling to his fingers after a long shift of rolling back tapes. Like the silk cream and smoke of the vanilla candle you’d gifted him last week. Like the artificial scent of cheap shaving cream and the slightest hint of blood where he’d nicked himself with the razor. The musk of his sweat and skin, buried beneath all these little things that you’d come to know almost as intimately as your own.

But there was something else, something you couldn’t quite pinpoint. And its unfamiliarity unnerved you.

His other hand came to rest on your knee, hot as fire in the cold of night. He thumbed at the tear in your fishnets and looked at you with bright, concerned eyes, but he used this as an excuse to touch you.

“Did he hurt you?” Neil asked. His hand stayed on your knee. In a way, it felt comforting; it grounded you enough so that, finally, after lulled by the rise and fall of his shoulder and the unique blend of his scent, you could speak.

“Is that cologne?” You wrinkled your nose and drew back to look him in the eye, your tangled hair peeling reluctantly from his corduroy jacket.

A rose blush came upon Neil’s cheeks, and he smiled nervously. He’d been sure to spritz himself with a good helping of it before he left, despite his hurried state. He needed to impress you; ever since you’d started dating that jock from across the street, he’d been trying to find more ways to steal your attention back.

“Yeah, it’s new,” he said, a little flustered, in a way that made your stomach flutter. “I wanted to ask for your opinion on what I should get, but you – well…” His voice cracked a bit as a hint of sadness crept into his tone. “… you’ve been pretty busy lately.”

“It’s awful,” you told him, laughing slightly, and your words seemed to cheer him up; his lips tugged into that playful grin of his again, and a deep chuckle rumbled from his throat.

And then you both fell into silence, and he looked back to your knee, still thumbing the skin where the fabric had torn.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Neil said.

You swallowed, another lump forming in your throat, and when you looked at him, bottom lip in your teeth, reddened eyes pouting, rimmed by your messed mascara, his heart sped in his chest in both fear and arousal. The thought of James even touching you boiled his blood, made his skin crawl and tightened a noose round his neck, but seeing you like this, baring your soul to him with those tear-brimmed eyes and mournfully upturned brows, it made him want you even more.

If he’d been the one to take you out tonight, he would’ve brought you home to his bed, worshipped each inch of your hallowed skin and made love to you like you were the only woman in the world, splayed his fingers across your thighs and parted them like a sea, dropped to his knees and prayed with the hungered strokes of his tongue and lapped at your holy waters.

He’d started reading poetry lately. It had felt right; it was the only thing that seemed to express just how he felt about you. Echoed the words in private like they were gospel; chanted your name from desperate lips as he palmed himself each night – and morning – to your photographs, to the vanilla of the candle that reminded him so much of you, to the fantasy of your sweat-slicked thighs wrapped around his waist, your walls clenched around him as he bucked his hips against your weight and finally let himself go, spilling himself inside you and hearing you moan so sweetly for him from those heavenly lips, feeling his own cum dampen his stomach as you collapsed over him. He always knew you’d be so tight, that you’d fit so perfect around him.

But sitting here, staring at your shivering, impotent form in your torn fishnets and your skimpy attire, he could barely contain the urge to tear open your knees and fuck you against the concrete. It had been so long since he’d even been this close to you; James took up all of your time nowadays, and gone were the late movie nights and stolen games of basketball on the breaks he took so liberally.

He missed you. So much.

And you knew it. You knew it, deep in your chest where the remnants of your heart twisted, still hearing the words, “You’ve been pretty busy lately.”

You shook your head, choking out another sob as shame crept along your skin, and you shivered at its grotesque touch. “No, he didn’t hurt me… not – not in that way.”

You couldn’t look at him; his pearlescent blue eyes and his sun-kissed freckles and his boyish brown locks all fading into memory as you buried your face in his chest, inhaling once more the faint scent of his laundry detergent and the musk of him beneath the shirt that was flipped inside-out but still outlined the blatant logo of Back to the Future. Whether he hadn’t realised he’d put it on backwards or he’d been shy about it, you couldn’t be sure, but it lightened your heart all the same, your sobs turning to giggles.

Neil pulled you closer, his chin resting along the nape of your neck and his hand running up your thigh; you barely noticed how near his hand was to your panties as you tugged at his shirt, nails sinking past the fabric as if to keep him and never let him go.

You regretted all that time you’d spent with James, when you should have been spending it with him instead. Everything felt so much easier with him; your smiles were broader, your laughter more carefree.

But you wanted more – selfish and lovesick, you wanted more than what he already gave you. You needed more than his attention and his friendship.

You needed him to want you.

“I thought that…” You sniffled. “… I thought that James wanted me. I dressed up all… nice… fucking whorish… and I thought tonight was finally the night and that he would’ve… that he would’ve…”

The words twisted in your throat, and you squeezed your eyes shut. Two hours ago, when you did up your makeup and clothes for your date with James, you’d felt sexy. Powerful, even.

Now, you just felt worthless.

Neil nestled his nose in the crook of your neck, brushed the silk strands of your hair aside, breathed your scent in so deeply that for a moment, the butterflies came back to the pit of your stomach.

“I just want to be wanted,” you admitted, losing it, sobbing uncontrollably into the now-damp shirt that clung to his thin frame. “I just want to be desired. That was the only reason I was with him, Neil. The way he looked at me that day when he came into the store, I…”

With a bitter pang in his chest, Neil remembered that day. The way James had looked at you like you were a piece of meat. The way he’d asked you if had any recommendations on which sports film he should rent and Neil had practically wedged himself between the two of you and started chattering to James about every little piece of trivia he knew about Chariots of Fire and Rocky. How, despite his efforts, James had still gone home with your number as well as the tapes. How you’d come in the next morning with a hickey on your neck and Neil had just known that where James had paused one of the tapes was when your movie night was likely cut short by… things he’d rather not think about ever again.

It should’ve been his couch you’d been curled up on, should’ve been him watching the movie with you. His mark on your neck.

And he would’ve picked something a little more fitting for the mood, too. Something more like Casablanca or Sin City. It was as if James didn’t even have to try to get you drooling over him. What was so special about him, anyway?

I wish I was special, Neil thought.

Neil’s grip on you tightened at the memory, nails digging in to the flesh of your thigh in a way that stirred a little gasp from your lungs, huffing against his collarbone as you tilted your head up to look at him.

“Y/N.”  His breath caught in his throat, and he reluctantly pulled from your neck to look you in the eye, locks of messy hair falling across his forehead and his eyes half-lidded. His fingers ghosted up your thigh, and you blinked past the sharp mint of his mouthwash – it burned your eyes slightly, but you didn’t care. You were so close to him, your breaths became one, a few threads of his hair tickling your cheeks and his nose brushing yours.

“Neil,” you breathed, the slightest of smiles tugging at your lip as your heart thudded between your legs, dangerously close to his fingers. Warmth spread across each fevered limb, taking you somewhere past the cold concrete and bitter chill of the wind, somewhere away from the graffiti-painted alley and the reek of broken booze bottles. Somewhere safe, and warm, and thrilling all at once.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Neil’s voice cracked around the words, a nervous laugh huffing against your fluttering lashes as his freckled cheeks darkened another shade of red. The hand that wasn’t between your legs played with a lock of your hair, twirling it in his finger but still supporting you beneath a quivering arm.

You couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t believe this was real.

He had to have been playing some sick joke, right?

But the whimper that fell from his lips was very real, as his nails dug into your flesh again and he tugged you closer, his hips arching upward against your outer thigh.

“You look more than nice. You’re so fucking hot in this skirt, in anything you wear. That asshole is fucking blind,” he breathed, fingers grazing your panties and landing over your hipbone, testing the waters more and more as he tried not to rock his growing arousal too obviously against you.

But you noticed. You noticed the way his cock hardened and twitched beneath your weight; you noticed how even despite his body trembling from his attempts to resist his primal urges, his hips still gave little bucks upward, seeking friction. Seeking the heat that flared between your thighs, that ached for him so desperately that it was all you could do not to return the favour.

He couldn’t take it anymore. Staring into those gorgeous, bright eyes. Looking up at him with anything but innocence. So he scooped both hands around your ass, squeezing the flesh and lace and tugging you properly onto his lap with an alluring squeal tearing from your full lips.

“I want you, Y/N.” His hot breath pooled at your collarbone as he trailed wet, sloppy kisses along your jaw, your neck, and your lips parted in another gasp, back arching and thighs clenching around his waist as you ground wet panties against the bulge in his trousers.

“I fucking need you,” he whined, nipping like a needy puppy at the delicate skin of your neck. “Always have.” Another kiss. “Ever since I first saw you. Long before James.” A possessive growl stirred from his throat at that, the flare of dominance sending a jolt through your core.

“Neil, I – oh my God.” A moan broke your words as his fingers moved up your spine and his teeth grazed your collarbone, hovering over your pulse point.

“Fuck, baby. Say that again. Just like that.” His fingers began rolling your shirt up over the lip of your breasts, the sight enough to make him whine again in need. He couldn’t help himself from groping you, squeezing your breasts and rolling one nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Bending his neck to trail more sloppy kisses down your torso, they were his next destination.

“Oh my – Neil. Neil, I – “ You had so much to tell him, so much you needed off your chest, but his hips bucked sharply against you at the sound of his name moaned so beautifully, a low groan in his throat and his cock digging slightly inside your heat, the fabric of your panties scraping almost painfully against your walls.

“Please, Y/N, please don’t make me stop. Please let me keep touching you like this. I wanna worship you.” His hot breath shattered against a pert nipple. “Wanna fucking prove to you how much I want you.”

For a few moments, you were rendered speechless, mind whirring like the wheels on a VHS. Everything was happening so fast, and the warmth of his touch was seeping into you like honey, inundating you in a sort of comforting flame.

He could almost smell the vanilla of the candle wick burning.

You left nail marks down his chest where you clawed at the collar of his shirt, but he didn’t care. He sucked a nipple past his teeth and moaned around the taste of you, the sound so filthy that your eyes nearly rolled back in your skull as your parted lips tipped to the heavens. His name outlined by their perfect shape.

Reality came crashing down around you as you jumped, another squeal leaving your tongue as his teeth bit at your nipple and pain shot along your nerve endings.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed, chest heaving, looking up at you with reverent eyes. “I didn’t mean to, I – “

You cupped his chin in your palm and shook your head. “No, Neil. I’m sorry.” A tear streaked down your cheek, beaded on your jawline. “I’m so, so sorry.” You were beginning to sob again, and his brow furrowed in concern, thumb beginning to trace small circles along your spine. “I’m sorry I abandoned you for James, I didn’t… I shouldn’t have. I didn’t know you felt this way, I – I’m so sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for,” he told you, his words sinking into your skin like a warm tide. With one hand, he brushed the tear from your jaw and wove his fingers into your hair, pulling you closer. “Just let me keep touching you. Please.”

When you didn’t respond for a moment, caught up in the way his blue eyes seemed to hollow with a certain hunger, the way his chest rose and fell beneath the bare flesh of your stomach, he uttered that word again:

“Please.”

You smiled, elated and giddy with joy, blood pounding with arousal, and kissed him, threading your own fingers into the fluffy locks of his hair.

Another tear streaked across your lips as they met his, and you tasted like salt and vanilla, slightly waxy from your chap-stick but the sweetest thing he’d tasted nonetheless. At first, he was embarrassed by the noises he made, the way he’d accidentally called you “baby” because he’d always wanted to do so, but he melted beneath you like butter. Nothing mattered anymore except the fact that you were finally his, that you were in his arms and grinding against his cock.

Neil broke the kiss to pull your shirt over your head, tossing it aside somewhere on the concrete – he would buy you a new one. His hands flattened against your back and pulled you flush to his chest, taking any excuse he could to hear that little squeal you made each time.

“Please, baby, please let me be inside you,” he whined, biting his lip as he stared up at you with those powder-blue eyes. Nails dug into your skin. Hips bucked against yours.

Your heart soared with his words, his worship, his want; you’d never been this ecstatic in your whole life. Part of you wanted to keep teasing him, make him beg, while another part of you ached to feel him buried to the hilt inside you.

“Patience, Neil,” you giggled, as you undid his trousers. You worked them down to his knees and your eyes widened as your hand brushed his cock, bare and springing flush against his stomach. You hadn’t expected him to not wear boxers.

Neil smiled sheepishly up at you, eyes still lidded, mouth still panting out a fevered breath. “I was in a rush getting dressed. I…” His cheeks reddened, and there was something so cute about how pathetic he looked in that moment. “You wanna know how much I want you, Y/N? I was touching myself thinking of you when you called.”

Creep, some voice in the back of his head hissed.

You bit your lip to suppress a moan, trying to ward off thoughts of Neil stroking himself to you, finishing to the thought of you. Oh, how you wished you could have witnessed the sight.

“Did you come?” you asked, a devious grin pulling at your lips as you took him in your hand, massaging a bead of pre-cum into his sensitive flesh.

His eyes fluttered, and he shook his head, his words coming out as a breathy whine,

“No, I promise. I didn’t come. Not yet.”

“Will you?” You dipped your head to let your words tickle his neck, your grip on him tightening.

“Yes,” he moaned. “Yes, yes, oh God, I will. Fuck, baby. Fuck, gonna come if you don’t stop that, need to come inside you, please, please…”

His mutterings trailed off into a low hiss of a whine, and your movements stilled, dragging him to his peak and letting him teeter at the edge as you both caught your breaths, chest heaving and a cold chill racing down your sweat-slicked back, thighs trembling around him.

“You sure you can handle this?” you purred against his ear before pulling back once more to witness the shivering mess you’d made him, priding yourself in your accomplishment. Lining his cock up with your entrance, the fabric of your panties scraped his tip teasingly as you slotted them to the side.

Neil looked up at you like you were some kind of goddess, his breathing coming laboured, his throat stripped of words. The dazed, blissful look he gave you was all the answer you needed. But you wanted to reap him of every last praise he had.

“Use your words, Neil,” you giggled, smirking.

“Ah…” His lips parted, near soundless. You watched intently as they formed the word “Please”.

You almost felt bad for him.

But it wasn’t pity that brought your hips down around him, slowly, teasingly, savouring the stretch of him against your walls and the fullness in your belly, but rather, your own need.

Neil’s head rolled back against the brick wall, blood welling at his lip where he bit it to keep himself from toppling over his peak; he nearly did it to himself when he bucked his hips upward, burying himself inside you, making you whimper at the pain that blended so sordidly with the pleasure. Your fingers tugged at his hair, and your nails grazed his scalp, and every little sensation sent him into overdrive. He used these little things to ground himself, as you had his tangled scents; he focused on how smooth your stomach felt against his own, his shirt hiking up so that you were skin to skin; he focused on the noises you made, huffing and whimpering, as you began to ride him; he focused on the softness of the breast that he cupped in his hand. Tried not to think about how you felt better than he’d imagined, how you clenched so tightly around his cock that he was almost pushed out each time you elevated your hips, but were so wet for him that he slid back inside so seamlessly each time.

“Neil,” you moaned as you fucked yourself on his cock, breast bouncing beneath his thumb, skirt fluttering around the bareness of his thighs. “Neil, fuck. Fuck.”

“Baby, I’m s—sorry. I’m gonna…”

You yelped again as pain shot deep inside your core, his hips bucking against yours with a violence you hadn’t known sweet Neil from the VHS store to possess, bottoming out inside you as his nails dug into the now-abused skin of your back and pulling you close, so close you were panting over his shoulder and his breath shattered against your ear. The hand that had been cupping your breast shot up to cradle your head, petting your hair.

He held you to him so tight, you didn’t think he’d ever let go. And you couldn’t have been happier.

Warmth spilled around his cock, sticky against your thighs, painting your insides white. You shuddered around him, balling his hair into a fist and digging your own, sharper nails, against his back.

“I didn’t mean it to be over so fast,” he mumbled into your neck. “I just… you’re so… fuck, I’ve been waiting for this for so long.”

“So have I,” you breathed. You practically hugged each other, shivering in the night air but content in each other’s warmth. “Don’t worry.” Pulling away slightly, you smiled down at him, cheeks flushing bright red. “If anything, it… it’s endearing.”

“Really?” he chuffed out a laugh.

“It…” you looked down, unable to meet that crystalline gaze. “It makes me feel wanted.” You pecked a quick kiss to his jaw, and could’ve sworn you saw love in his eyes when you pulled away.

“God, you’re perfect.” His voice broke again as his lips sought yours, and his breath hitched in his chest when the action caused you to rock your hips forward, a new sensation he’d never felt before buzzing along his skin. His mouth hung open and you laid kisses to his lips, his jaw, the Adam’s apple that bobbed along his throat. He felt his cock stiffen again inside you, already eager for Round Two.

“I should take you home,” he murmured, hands running up and down your sides. “You must be so cold.” As if just realising that he still had his jacket on, Neil shrugged it off in haste and wrapped the heavy material around your shoulders. A chill ran down your spine, as the material was damp with sweat – you smiled at how predictably forgettable he was when he had a woman on his lap, just as you’d imagined –, but his scent soothed you.

Though you were cold, it was a small sacrifice to make to stay here, with him buried so deep inside you that you felt dizzy in the head. Depleted of your energy and sinking into his warmth, you smirked, and rested your chin on his shoulder.

“I was thinking of just staying like this a while,” you admitted.

“Whatever makes you happy,” he breathed, hugging you even tighter. “Whatever you want.”

A.N. Sorry if this was a bit rough, guys. I smashed this one out the other day because I was tired of my writer's block.

I actually laid into some themes that I was planning on using for a Dark!Neil fic based on the song "Creep" which I don't know when I'll get around to writing, but let me know if you guys would like to hear more about the idea for the series or are interested.

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[nonranghaes]

heads up: bad body image bullshit. struggles. vent fic.

seungcheol's arms are like home as they wrap around you, his lips pressing against the side of your head. even when you swear you're beyond calming, something about his cologne is enough to make you feel safer. he just holds you as you babble endlessly about the flaws you see in the mirror every time you see yourself. the things your own family picked on you for, and then backtracked with saying you couldn't "take a joke" and they clearly meant nothing by it. joke or not, it stung deeply each and every time it happened.

even now, seungcheol sees the way you pull your sleeves over your hands. the way you try to make yourself look smaller in his embrace, hiding away every part of you as much as you can. you don't even realize you're doing it. seungcheol sees you as radiant, as gentle, as kind. to him, you're attractive in your own way: there isn't a word that fits just right. you're you, and that's what he loves the most. but he knows the scars you have hide underneath your skin and go deeper than he can ever soothe with a kiss.

"i love you," he says, rubbing circles into your back. "i'm sorry other people mde you think you're not enough." he presses another kiss against the side of your head. "it's okay," he coaxes you gently, "i've got you now."

you hiccup, burying your hot, wet face into his neck. one day, he knows you'll see what he sees. it'll take time, but he'll be with you every step of that journey if that's what you need.

"cheollie..." your voice is broken when you finally break through the sobs to speak. "love you..." you murmur, hands grabbing at the back of his shirt. "just... hold me for a little longer. if that's okay."

it's always okay. he snuggles in, holding you a little tighter. "whatever you need. you're perfect to me, okay?" he holds your sleeves over your hand, though, when he takes it in his own: his words aren't going to fix you, and if it makes you feel better to hide, he'll let you hide until you're ready to be seen again. and then he'll stand with you when that time comes, proudly showing you off as much as you're comfortable with.