#Haso

[lovelesslittleloser]

Tbh this has been on my mind for MONTHS

Human codes… but they’re not actually codes??

A small group of humans is discovered by some curious aliens. Both sides can assume that the other is sentient. The aliens are trying to translate the humans’ language to their own, and the humans are trying to learn the aliens’ language. But since humans are tricky, they’ve decided that they don’t want the aliens to know their language, so they can have secret conversations.

So they go a little crazy. With written words, they randomly use lowercase and capital letters, even using numbers and symbols, and use a lot of slang, occasionally using words incorrectly on purpose. They’ll jumble the words a bit so that only human brains can guess their meaning (that thing where if you use all the letters and put the proper letters at the beginning and end it’ll be comprehensible), and even use additional or unofficial languages (commonly known words like ‘hola’, ‘si’, ‘oui’, etc, and piglatin, in which you typically take the first letter or syllable of a word, place it at the end, and add ‘ay’ to the end).

As for spoken words, they will do a bit of the above, mashing languages and slang, perhaps mispronouncing a few things, and quoting memes, vines, movies, and even singing parts of songs to throw off the aliens. Perhaps they will say something with a somber meaning in a joyful way to throw off the meaning, or even just naturally (‘I wanna die!’ ‘Mood’), or vice versa.

Additionally, there would have to be a TON of body language. Maybe even sign language, should they know any. Gestures and expressions, eyebrow wiggles and poorly-hidden grins. Ah, the beauties of communication.

[loonarmuunar]

Humans being the first. Not the strongest or the smartest or the weirdest or the most violent. Just the first.

We called out into the dark over and over. We sent out messages in hopes. We searched every planet we could reach, in hopes of any sign of life. Any at all.

We thought, hoped we were the last, because we couldn’t bear the idea of being the one ones this awake and alive in a world as vast as this.

And we died alone.

When the others are born, many many years later, they find us, everything we left for them.

They recover The Golden Record and look at it a million times over, they dig up our fossils and put us in museums, they study us for years and years, loving us as we love our ancestors’ painted hands on cave walls.

In a lot of their languages, the word they use for us has the same root for “mother”.

[marlynnofmany]

Spice in Space

“Of course your food is a biohazard,” Zhee said while the security scanner approved our delivery.

“The label’s just a precaution,” I said. “Pretty sure this is mostly pepper.”

“Right, yes, the food flavoring that gives your meals the flavor of fire.” Zhee tilted his head, bug eyes looking at everything at once while managing to roll sarcastically. “Not a hazard at all.”

“I don’t mean the really spicy kind,” I said as the box slid out of the scanning machine. “Just the regular spices to sprinkle over eggs and whatnot.”

Zhee picked up the box in his pincher arms. “Right, because eating fire-flavored unhatched creatures is a perfectly normal thing to do.”

I laughed and followed him out into the spaceport. “It is where I’m from!”

“Absolute maniacs, all of you,” Zhee declared with a flick of his antennae. “Now where is that food stall? The briefing said it would be tiny.”

“Tiny and close,” I agreed, looking around. Once past the security checkpoint, this place was a riot of booths and pedestrians with an artsy wave pattern on the ceiling that seemed to dampen the sound. It wasn’t as loud as most spaceports I’d been in.

“I see a directory,” Zhee said. “Let’s just check that.”

“Wait, there it is!” I pointed to a little kiosk between full-sized restaurants. It only held enough room for tubs of ingredients, a gigantic hot plate, and the guy currently scraping food around on it with flair. The sign said “Earth Fry.”

“Of course,” Zhee said, moving toward it. “I should have just looked for the fire.”

As we maneuvered through the crowd of Strongarms, Mesmers, and miscellaneous others, the guy tossed the food with his spatula, caught it deftly in a takeout box, and handed it to the customer waiting at the side: another human. No surprise there. By the time we arrived, he was ready to greet us.

“Hello! Can I interest you in some Earth Fry?”

Zhee held up the sealed package. “We have Earth ingredients for you. Apparently they are hazardous.”

“Oh! Yes, thank you! That’ll be the hot sauce and other stuff.” He took the box and found a flat surface to put it on, then accepted the payment tablet I held out for him. “Thanks for being so fast. Somebody got a bit clumsy during the lunch rush and knocked over a few things. Paid for ‘em, but I can’t get all of these local.” He signed for the delivery while I tried to place his accent. Australian?

“Luckily we were just coming from a trade hub,” I said. “This stuff is straight from Earth.”

“Excellent. It’s been a while since I was home, and you can’t beat the real thing for spices.” He handed the tablet back.

“Very true,” I agreed. “Where are you from?”

“Melbourne,” he said while I congratulated myself on guessing right. “Still getting used to how little any of that matters out here. To the average offworlder, Earth is one place with one type of person.”

“And we’re all lunatics who eat poison, right?” I agreed with a sly glance at Zhee.

He spread his pinchers. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

“Hey now, the garlic is only poisonous to some creatures from Earth,” the guy said, pointing to an airtight tub. “And the onions. If you want the real toxins, the alcohol stores are that way.”

Zhee looked at the ceiling. “It’s like you all have a death wish. Or take pleasure in hurting yourselves.”

“Some of the pain tastes good?” I said with a wave toward the hot sauces.

At the same time, the guy said, “There’s a reason they call us space orcs.”

I laughed. “Do they still? I wouldn’t think enough people even know what an orc is.”

To my surprise, Zhee recited, “Mythological creature from your planet, famed for strength, durability, and lack of foresight. Rumors do go around.”

“I suppose that’s one way to put it,” I said.

“Nobody thinks that’s funnier than my family,” said the Australian. “I get no end of jokes about it. Especially from my mom’s side — she’s from the US, and thinks we all say ‘space’ funny.”

“Does she?” I asked. “Interesting word to focus on.”

“Right? She insists that it sounds like ‘spice,’ and I just don’t see what she’s on about. But!” He held up a finger and fiddled with his collar. “That did lead to my favorite shirt.” With a dramatic sweep of his overshirt, he bared a bright red T-shirt that said “Spice Orc.”

I burst out laughing. “That’s fantastic!”

“Mom was pretty proud of herself for this one,” he said. “Gave it to me for my last birthday.”

Zhee declared, “Appropriate. Entirely in character for your species.”

“And we even brought you spice!” I laughed.

“That you did!” he said, resettling his clothes. “Care to try some? The shredded beef dish is particularly tasty.”

I looked at Zhee, then turned back without waiting for a response. “We’ve got a couple minutes. I’d love some. With extra garlic, please!”

“Coming right up!” He spun his tongs like a gunfighter, and began tossing ingredients onto the hot plate where they sizzled madly.

Zhee just grumbled and looked put-upon, but didn’t object. I planned to make a big deal of enjoying the tasty fire-and-poison meal on our walk back to the ship.

~~~

These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.

Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.

The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).

[jimvasta]

Humans are average at everything

And that makes other species crazy

"You swim well for your limb configuration but you will never be as fast in water as a Majoriranji."

Mo agreed with a nod. "They have fins, it's an unfair contest really."

"Nacbaqurs climb cliffs better than humans."

"Longer limbs, more fingers, that's no surprise. I know some elite climbers who could keep up but mostly ture enough."

"Chexits run much faster."

"Ah," Mo raised a finger. "They run on four legs, different configuration, unfair comparison. "

"My point is still valid. And you don't fly either."

"Mmm, no," Mo stopped to consider that one. "I don't think we have a winged ancestor. I have been sky diving, though, so I'm sure we missed out there."

"Sky diving? No, I have no wish to know. My question is this, why are you so feared? You cannot swim like a Majoriranji, or climb like a Nacbaqur, or run like a Chexit. Can you do anything special? Why should anyone be scared of humans?"

"Is that why you captured us? That's what you want to know?" Mo smiled as he leaned back in his chair. He had been afraid. Now he was amused.

He knew rescue was on the way. Just before the invaders managed to grab him and the other researchers, they were able to send a distress call. The Earth Alliance took attacks on their people seriously, they knew swift responses discouraged casual piracy.

"Okay, you'll probably be dead soon anyway so I'll give you a freebie. We're not the fastest swimmers, but most of us can swim and dive, and we can all hold our breath. We're not the fastest climbers, but our ancestors lived in trees, tall canopy plants, we can all climb. We're not the fastest runners, but we're not bad in a sprint, and we'll still be going hours after your fancy fast runners have collapsed and died of exhaustion. We don't have to be the best at one thing when we can be pretty good at just about everything."

[injuries-in-dust]

Galactic Forum, Human Section, Advice subsection.

So I didn't realise my alien lover was part of a hivemind species.

Not until I was secretly shopping for an engagement ring on station K-7.

Another memeber of their race ran up and kissed me before screaming "Yes! I love that one!"

Does this count as a polyamorous relationship?

[hoshi-no-koinu]

What I think would be the most 'impressive' thing about humans

So I've read a lot of funny and intriguing ones out there, absolute gold, BUT I noticed that most of them compare things like our food tolerance, endurance, etc, so I wanted to bring in this take I've had cooking up for the past few days.

Has anyone ever considered aliens' reaction to how different we all are? Like look around at most species even on earth, they are mostly the same and vary only slightly in size, shape, colours, etc, in fact, its more strange to find one that is immediately distinguishable from the rest of its closest animal relatives (e.g for most people orange cats look like orange cats).

Think about it, usually only trained professionals can tell apart two same-species animals, even the animals themselves identify themselves through, like smell or smth

But for humans? no.

It's much weirder to find someone who looks so much like you or someone you know? Over 8.062 billion people and yet how likely is it to find someone who is your exact height? has your exact face? same exact posture? even exactly the same likes as you?

Like really let that sink in............ 8.062 billion people and yet it's confirmed that NO-ONE is almost exactly like you? Even people that just LOOK like you, your doppleganger, is roughly only 7 per person?

Wierd.

[taro-pdf]

Humans are space oddities: risk taking

Alien: the ship’s broken Prak, human, and the newest addition on board: so, are you going to fix it? Alien: I’d die in space! Are you crazy? Prak: ??? so would i, just put on a space suit? Alien: You mean that bag with only 16 layers between you and an environment that’d kill you?? Let’s just wait till we reach the next solar system. It’s only a week. Prak: no way, something could happen. I’ll just go out now. [goes out and fixes it] Alien: ???? Alien [writing in notebook]: humans do not fear the cold embrace of death. Prak [writing in notebook]: my crewmates are wimps.

Edit: for clarification, this alien is generalizing based off their experience with one human! Prak is both dumb and dislikes tasks being unfinished. My other humans, the ones not trained as astronauts (which prak isn’t either either lol) would not go out with only 16 layers separating them from the void of space

[lunaiz4-misc]

By the time the humans invented wireless Internet, the aliens had already been monitoring the RF bands on and in the vicinity of Earth for decades. Well, they didn't have decades - that was a human concept - but many full orbits of the little blue planet around its yellow star.

The packet encryption broke easily when subjected to advanced computing techniques, and soon they were able to pick up, decode, and even send information on the "world wide web." Wary of being detected, they were careful to limit their queries, but even a severely restricted ability to actually *ask questions* made the xenoscience division go starry-eyed.

Their excitement was short-lived, however, as the screen displayed a message that chilled them to their cores: "to continue, please prove you are a human."

[xikyuu]

imagine when humans get to space and theres still streaming/youtube. like,

"what's up guys!! today we are on planet <incomprehensible to the human ears> in the <incomprehensible to the human ears> solar system, joined by several experts who know tons about their native species! we are here to learn about other sentient beings and to see if i can survive the ultimate test...”

one of the experts garbles in their native language, body language signifying that it is concerned. the translator spits out: “‘survive the ultimate test...?’”

the human shrugged. "to see if i can survive being stung slash bit by a venomous or poisonous species."

there was a sudden out-roar of yelling... yelling? is it yelling if it isn't talking? whatever.

"no! that is very unwise! the venom and poison are highly fatal!!"

"you only live once!"

“you do only live once, human!”

[wolven91]

Drought vs Flood

Cat calls.

Being called 'cute' or showered with compliments.

Paul had never really considered these an annoyance before. Hell, if he though back to his time on Earth, he couldn't remember the last time when he'd ever received a compliment from a stranger before.

No, that was a lie he realised.

Many years before, an older lady once stopped him to compliment him on a jovial Christmas jumper he'd worn. She said she liked it and that he was handsome in it too. He vividly remembered having a great day that day, despite having to deal with a queue of irate customers throughout the afternoon.

That compliment had kept the man sated for years!

As a man, Paul had never really understood the frustrations of women when they bemoaned the fact that they received compliments and manners from random strangers every day. The man would always hasten to add that he understood them from a logical point of view, but there was always a part of him that had wanted a taste of that life for a while.

Sure, maybe getting them every day might have gotten old, but after over a decade of surviving off one compliment? The man didn't *understand* the frustration. The isolation had to be worse right?

That was until the Earth was destroyed and Paul ended up like a few of his fellow humans, lost amongst the stars as a human, alone in the void.

At first, Paul thrived. He'd lived alone for seven years and with his friends moving away, getting families, or just losing touch; there had been times in his life where he'd gone whole weeks without saying a single word out loud.

After that initial period of learning the ropes, figuring out where he could get a job, food, even the stuff that wasn't quite 'legal' like a drink, Paul settled into what he expected would be a quiet life.

Only, every time he spent time out in public, like when he went to sit in the tiny bar that would serve him under the counter, it wasn't that quiet.

"I just love your fur; can I touch it?" Asked the bull-like alien as they had already begun reaching out and touching thick leather pads to the crop of hair atop Paul's head. The man shoved the alien's wrist away from him.

"No, thank you." He grunted, still hunched at the bar, uncomfortable about the two aliens that stood either side of him. Both were, alien, they had the heads of bulls but bodies that he would have given his left arm for back home. But regardless of their physical attraction, this was week three of not being able to have a single moment's peace outside of his own quarters.

"Oh come on, I read you love it when someone pets you?" Smarmed the second, quoting some bullshit, pardon the pun, text that Paul himself had read. Apparently, a few of the survivors had let slip that they were touch starved, so now every alien and their mother was quoting this as if gospel.

If Paul ever got his hands on the moron that uttered those...

"Not all humans are the same." He growled back, gripping his drink.

"Well, what if I showed you a gun? You like guns, right?" Offered the first taurian, briefly turning their hip and displaying a holster.

"I repeat, not all humans are the same." Paul was British, he thought guns were a tool and nothing more. No more exciting than a pen or a pair of expensive scissors. More than a handful of Americans made it out and had made a huge scene when they found out guns were illegal to humans. Yet more misinformation chumming the water.

"Aww come on, we're just being friendly. It's okay! I also read that your society said you had to be prudes; it's not true, you can relax." The alien explained as if she wasn't taking a big dump on the entire human civilisation and its history.

Paul sneered at the fact that he mildly agreed. The odd concepts that were considered fact back home were outright frowned on up here. With all the fur and lack of breasts on those without; clothes were almost optional by those not actively working. Granted Paul wasn't a nudist and didn't have the body to want to flaunt it, but it was a breath of fresh air to not be so gummed down with social rules.

"I was relaxed," Paul sniped, but the jab went well over the two female taurian's horns. "I just want a quiet drink." He reiterated, breathing deep and remaining calm. The sluggat barkeep watched him carefully, his eye stalks watching the taurians and the human independently. He was hanging around by the bar's emergency distress button.

"We can drink with you." Offered one of them, Paul didn't even bother looking now, instead attempting to drill a hole in the opposite wall with his eyes.

"I don't want company." He explained clearly.

"Why not?" They prodded.

"Because I said so."

"That ain't a real answer, just let us-"

"Can you actually fuck off?!" Paul snapped, turning his body to the last one to speak. "I don't want company, I don't want a drink from you, I want to be left alone!"

"Alright, fuck us, right? We were being nice and now you're acting like we're attacking you. We're the nice ones, but I guess you'll only learn that when you meet the other kind."

Paul just rolled his eyes as the pair stepped away from the bar and, as one walked past, clipped the leg of the stool Paul was sat on, jangling his already on edge nerves.

They grunted something as they passed that the translators flagged as an insult.

Paul rubbed a hand over his face as he sighed and tried to relax. The sluggat slithered over and asked if he was all right.

"Yeah, I'm... I'm fine." The man replied absently, using a thumb to wick the moisture off the side of his glass.

A drought, versus a flood.

That was how Paul now considered the perspective from before. How he would explain the difference of perspectives to a younger self.

How could the drowning woman understand the dying man in the desert?

It was great to be the centre of attention for a week or two, but the way they got handsy? If he didn't actively stop them, and make it clear he wasn't 'playing hard to get' that they'd start groping him?  The way they didn't give him space or even listen when he said 'no'?

Even when they were weird... and smelt bad... Not all the creatures up here were attractive.

"Fuck." The man drew the word out with a breath he only realised was shaking as his voice shuddered. With a guilty grimace, the man reached into his pocket and retrieved the data slate. He scrolled through the minimal contacts and selected his guardian.

It rang once before being answered by a near frantic voice that was obviously being kept neutral.

"Paul?"

"Hey Shu'ba. I fucked up... Can you... Can you come get me please?" The man asked humbly.

"Is everything alright?!"

"It's fine, nothing's happened, but I'd feel safer if you were near."

"I got your location, I'm two minutes away."

"Thanks, Shu'ba."

"Don't think anything of it."

"I'm sorry."

The voice of the ssypno sighed through the speaker.

"I get it's hard to have a babysitter, but we're here for a reason. It's okay, I'm almost there."

Paul stayed on the line, even though he and the sluggat were the only patrons of the bar, but when the neon green scales of his guardian slithered into the room, a wave of relief washed over him.

Perhaps it was time to stop giving the serpent the slip?

[r/WolvensStories]

[Ko-Fi]

[cuprohastes]

The humans said "We sent our very best to the stars."

Well we looked at what they sent: And thought, if that's their best, what are their worst like? They were scavengers and opportunists, fast talking con artists, barely restrained psychopaths with mayhem on their mind.

Honestly we were expecting the worst: That 'human' would be a curse word, that we'd have to root them out painfully and banish them back to their dirty heavy world.

But they cleaned up Antichor. They dredged the oceans, got the ecosystem back up, cleaned the mine lakes, remediated the sludge swamps, turned the hulks into gleaming ingots.

"We knew how. We had the experience." They said.

The humans started showing up in the weirdest places. Conflicts of all sorts... and they always had questions. "Why are you doing this? What if tehy did this. What if you did that?" And it was so odd - Within weeks of the Humans showing up, common ground would be found, or reasons to get along would appear.

"Well, we're used to it. We know how to deal with conflict." They said.

And the human liars, dressed in bedazzling clothes, singing and laughing... They spun lies! For entertainment! Of better worlds, and drama, of excitement, of adventure. Thay made such spectacles - Fire in the sky of a thousand colours - smoke and lasers, costumes and music, feats of synchronised movement the Civil Worlds had barely imagined could be performed by any being let lone these strange humans...

"We know how to have a good time!" They said.

When there was a nasty little war of expansion over on the Veran worlds, we thought we'd be barely in time to document the mass graves and the scraps of planetary genocide. Expansion wars are the worst of crimes but what can you do? The settlers who are squatting on the graves of the people who came before aren't usually the ones who ordered the invasion or carried it out. And there's always some justification that can be argued over for centuries: none of which brings the dead back.

We were horrified to find the Human fleet there. Finally proof that the Humans were the worst sort of mercenary.

But the ships had aid: Shelters and food. Medical personnel. And those that did fight did so under strange rules that allowed for surrenders and retreats in good faith.

The Verans talked of the Arnath Invasion fleet: Unstoppable, claiming thier worlds before they even landed, their leaders ranting and cursing those who lived there - But then the Humans arriving like heroes of legend, in flame clad dropships, spending their lives hard, making the Arnath throw incredible effort to get nowhere... Of the mighty Rangers, each one a hero. The Bulwark infantry who wouldn't yield a single step until the civilians had been evacuated. The Medical teams as caring as any, who'd stand and fight as hard as a soldier to protect their patients.

And even before we arrived, the Arnath were losing - Humans arriving on their world and asking "Why?". Arguing with the Archons with the skill of philosophers, litigating on behalf of the Verans with cunning arguments. The clowns and entertainers with unexpected savagery, showing the population their own "heroic" soldiers burning crops and firing on children, turning the population against thier bloody handed leaders.

The soldiers returning, not hailed as heroes, their crimes documented.

"We know these crimes. We won't stand for them." The humans said.

And we started to wonder... what else did they know?

What we know now is... you can always ask the Humans, because they always send their best.

[boopjuice]

Human's Are Space Orcs: Sticks and Stones

Tools are hardly uncommon in the Galactic Federation. Without them, not a single species would have been able to advance, create sustainable food sources, societies, spacecraft. But, for most species, tools have advanced alongside the species.

"Human Jane, what is that you are holding?"

"A stick."

"... Why do you have a stick?"

"In case I need to scratch my back, duh. Or to hit the engine if it acts up again."

Humans, as with much else, didn't get the memo.

Chi'l'zak had spent several cycles with humans, even spending time on their native planet and some of their interstellar colonies. Their weather was horrifying, and their culture so diverse it gave xem whiplash. It was on one of these trips that xe learned of the human's particular affinity for tools.

Xe was at what Human Sarah had called a 'beach' at one of the colonies, and xe saw as an adolescent human began to dig a fire pit. Except, instead of using a shovel, he had grabbed a nearby piece of driftwood and began to use it to dig. Xe was certain the efforts would be fruitless, the stick being rounded and not suitable for digging. But in twenty minutes there was a pit a meter deep, deeper if one counted the walls the adolescent human had made from the excavated sand.

Xe had brushed it off as human stubbornness and continued with xir trip unfazed, until Human Lake had wanted to go hiking. Chi'l'zak agreed, not truly understanding the point of simply walking up and down mountains but willing to try the experience and see if maybe xe could gain some anthropological notes on the subject. Halfway up the mountain Human Lake called a halt. he wandered into the trees for a moment and returned with a stick almost as tall as he was.

"We can rest here for a while. I've been needing a new walking stick, and this one's just gorgeous."

"But, Hu- Lake, why do you need walking assistance? You have been perfectly fine up until this point. Are you injured? Should I apply first aid?"

"Nah, I'm fine, 'zak. I don't need one, they're just nice to lean on when you're hiking. Plus their fun to have. makes me feel like a wizard, y'know? But I gotta smooth this one down if I'm gonna use it, or I'll have splinters in my hands for days."

Chi'l'zak didn't mind the rest, and took the time to simply observe the flora and fauna in the area, absorb some nutrients from xir pack of supplies, and-

*scrape* *scrape* *scrape*

As Chi'l'zak looked over, xe found Human Lake seated on the ground, legs fcrossed in a manner that was normal for humans but made xir fur stand on end. He had balanced the stick across his legs, and was scraping it with a rock he'd apparently found nearby.

"Human Lake, what are you doing?"

"Smoothing out the stick, like I said." He didn't look up from the task he'd set himself too, continuing to scrape the rock along the stick, occasionally hitting it against small branches to knock them off.

"Yes, but why are you using a rock? Surely there are better tools. I have heard tell of a common smoothing agent, 'sand paper,' that would be better suited to the task."

"Don't have sandpaper on me. Besides, the premise works the same. Rub two rough things together and the softer things gets smooth. Sure, a rock isn't going to have as fine a grain as some sandpapers, but it works in a pinch."

"but we are not in a 'pinch', as you say. We are perfectly capable of taking the stick back with us and getting sand paper."

"Look, the rock works just fine for me, and it's cheaper. No point wasting money when i have the tools to do the job already."

"Human lake, that is a rock. That isn't a tool."

"Sure it is, if you get creative enough. You can use it to smooth things, hit things, if you angle it like this you can probably use it to dig, and you could always throw it. Hell, I'll bet you this end here could be used to open that stupid finnicky pressure lock Jacob's been complaining about."

"But it isn't mean to do those things. It could damage the lock worse, or break the wrong things."

"Look, 'zak, i appreciate the concern, but a tool is what you make of it. If I've got some nails I need hammered down and all I've got to hand is a rock, then I'm going to use the rock until the rock breaks or the nails are hammered. Just because we have tools better designed for a task doesn't always mean we need to use them. Sometimes old ways work just fine."

Chi'l'zak was quiet the rest of the time Human Lake used the stone to smooth the surface of his new walking stick, and had quite the interesting talk with him the rest of the hike about old human tools, how they were used, selected or constructed. Xe learned about spears and bows and how some still used those tools for hunting. Learned of tools used in leatherworking, all made of bone since the first leatherworkers had found nothing better to work with, and modern human's hadn't either.

"Anthropological Notes: Humans are excellent at creating and using tools, as are most other species. However, humans are slow to abandon old types of tools, some using the same methods prevalent centuries ago in order to complete a task simply because they have the old tools to hand. Humans are also adept at improvising tools, able to use one item for many different functions depending on their needs.

In relation to Incident 739, human crewmembers should not be allowed to bring items such as sticks or rocks on board without prior authorization, lest the engine be completely dismantled again."

[marlynnofmany]

Sledding

The architecture in this alien city was strange: undulating concrete all over the place, with some buildings underground and some set on top. Everything was painted in wild colors. It reminded me of a skate park. I was curious about the history behind it all, and whether the local Heatseekers had worked with any other species on it. I hadn’t seen the little lizardy folks build things like this before.

Zhee didn’t know. He also didn’t care, more interested in getting our delivery done before the distant rainclouds arrived. He clicked across the concrete on his many bug legs, hissing at me to keep up and not drop the package.

He probably would have liked to be the one carrying it, but I’d grabbed it first. My hands were more suited to carrying this size box than his mantis pinchers were anyway. I walked faster. Getting caught in the rain didn’t sound like a good time to me either.

Then we rounded a corner and topped a hill to where there was more ambient noise, and hmm: problem. It looked like the previous rainclouds had made for some unexpected flooding. A valley with high sides was filled with rushing, muddy water. Heatseekers stood on either side with their own signs of commerce, debating how to get across.

“Can’t we just go to the bridge?” one asked, sounding like she knew the answer already. Her purple-blue scales clashed with the orange vest she wore.

An older female in a similar vest shook her head. “Too far. The bosses want this fixed an hour ago.” She rapped scaly green knuckles on the hoversled holding tightly-strapped-down machine parts. “Traffic’s going to pick up soon, and the rich and powerful will be complaining.”

A truly ancient male with patchy blue scales peered at the contents of the sled. “Are you kids here to fix the water lock?”

The middle-aged female gave him a look that was part amusement, part exhaustion. “We are. Unfortunately it’s on the other side of the water.” She waved toward the gushing current.

Several other Heatseekers stood on the other side, three in orange vests. One cupped hands to his snout and yelled, “Ride it across!”

The younger female winced, shrinking back from the water far below. The older one sighed.

The old male cackled with the glee of an elder who was about to watch someone else do something he wouldn’t be expected to. “This should be good!” he declared, stepping to the side and waving at a couple newcomers who were just arriving behind us. “Step back, everyone! The mechanics are going to do something dangerous!”

The green female sighed again and rubbed her face, scales clicking along with the sound of water. “Thanks.”

Puzzled, I looked from the sled to the water and back. The slope wasn’t very steep. Were there predators in the water or something? Or was she worried about running out of momentum and getting stranded in the middle? That model of hoversled didn’t have an engine. Oh right, and Heatseekers were coldblooded. That could actually be a problem. But only if she didn’t go fast enough, right? These big halfpipe slopes ought to work just fine for that.

The younger Heatseeker looked terrified. “Please don’t make me,” she whispered.

“I don’t want to either, but it’s got to be done!” the older one snapped. She looked over the gathering crowd. “I don’t suppose there are any volunteers?”

It really didn’t look dangerous to me. Kind of fun, really.

When I turned to look at Zhee, I found him staring at me with his antennae angled into a judgemental expression. He rotated his pinchers and plucked the box from my hands. “This one volunteers,” he announced. “She’ll even enjoy it.”

Now everybody was looking at me, with more than a little hope in their eyes. “It really doesn’t seem that scary,” I admitted.

The young one snorted. “Okay!”

The older one addressed Zhee. “Is your friend right in the head?”

“Hey,” I said.

Zhee spread his mandibles in a creepy Mesmer grin. “As right as her species ever gets. Humans evolved swinging through trees, and they’ve never gotten over it.”

The elder cackled loudly at that, and the middle-aged one shook her head. “All right. Do you know how to steer this model?” That part was aimed at me.

I stepped over for a quick rundown of the controls. It was simple enough; this type even had built-in speed controls that required two hands to override. They couldn’t just give it a kick and hope for the best; someone really did need to ride it to make sure it coasted all the way across the water.

(Which did not have alien turbo-crocodiles or whatever lurking under the surface. They promised.)

There was no more reason to delay after that. The two mechanics held the sled stable while I climbed on and found a position that was mostly comfortable, with my legs wedged under the straps. I put both hands on the controls. Then they let go and gave it a push.

“Woooo!” I cheered, sledding down the hill. The hover mechanism was a good one, not even jolting at the transition between concrete and water. I skimmed across the surface with the smell of muddy alien river water in the air, then all too soon I was scooting up the opposite slope. I remembered to engage the brake before I slid back.

The mechanics on this side rushed down to meet me. “Thank you!”

“My pleasure!” I said, tugging my legs free of the straps. “That was a lot of fun.”

“Fun??” one asked in disbelief, pausing in the middle of removing one of the machine parts.

“Sure!” I said. “I haven’t ridden a slope that good since I went sledding as a kid. And this time I didn’t have to wait in line for a turn!”

The Heatseeker looked quietly horrified. He didn’t say anything, just going back to freeing the bit of machinery and hustling away with it.

“We appreciate the help,” said the one that seemed to be in charge, while others took the parts through a door that I hadn’t noticed until now. “How convenient that you enjoyed it. We should be able to get the water diverted very quickly, now that we have replacement parts.” He frowned at the door as if he could see through it to where various clanks and swear words could be heard over the river. “Honestly, that whole section was supposed to be replaced last year. Anyways! We’re very grateful.”

“Happy to help,” I said. “Say, will you need to take the sled back that way when you’re done with it? I could ride it back again.”

He picked up one of the last pieces and tucked a strap away. With a chuckle, he said, “I don’t think anyone’s going to stop you.”

“Excellent.”

The water level was already going down by the time I took off, but that didn’t make it any less fun.

“Wahoooo!”

I could see Zhee shaking his head from here.

~~~

These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.

Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.

The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).

[jimvasta]

Humans and Superstitions

"Oh man, it's Friday the 13th."

"It's never happened before, touch wood."

Spills a small amount of sodium chloride in the lab, proceeds to take a pinch and throw it over their shoulder.

Gets angry when you show off your new boots by putting them on the table.

Refuses to sit at the corner of the dining table when they arrive late.

At first I thought these were odd quirks of individual humans, but then I discovered they all do and say these things.

There is a compulsion for them to call on a deity if one 'sneezes'. An odd response to a non-dangerous reflex.

I asked the security team leader, the most senior human on board, why they do these things. He shrugged and said not to worry, it's just superstition.

They believe in a thing called 'luck', an odd concept where they can influence probability by making the most tiny changes. I think this superstition somehow a remedy to an inverse of luck.

I need to research it more, but if it is true, if humans really can alter probability as they believe they can, then it would explain how they can survive such reckless behaviour.

[nerdybluephoenix]

[luluthespectator]

Loneliness and instinct

A human arrived on the ship. The crew didn’t exactly know what to think of this. They heard humans were wild, talkative, indomitable, sociable, flamboyant creatures, excellent liars and capable of taking down anything if they so wished.

When they saw the human however, it was different from what they expected. It was small, lonely and very quiet. It was competent at repairing anything in the ship but it would always do so in a corner, out of the way, if it could. When it finished, it promptly booked it before anyone could interact with it.

The crew didn’t know if it was a good liar since it never spoke more than two sentences at a time. They heard it say:  “Just passing by”, “I’m finished here”, “Excuse me, I need to access this”. From as far as they could tell it never lied with its words.

Some of the crew felt more powerful near the human. They could tell the human thought of itself as something weak and inoffensive and it gave them the feeling that they could crush it anytime. They knew to use this thinking to entertain themselves with the human’s fear.

That’s when Sak’ari intervened. They were from a very old and advanced species. A long white robe fell over their blue tern skin. They usually walked on their four legs and their tail. But when they stood on only two feet, with their tail helping to balance, with a straight posture, they looked majestic and wise. They were one of the last Ancient Ones.

They were the leader of the ship. They took decisions alone, as everyone knew how rational they were. There was no way to corrupt them and they knew to put the greater good before themselves, they didn’t exactly want anything. They longed for a connection, something…meaningful. But they wouldn’t have that by being a tyrant.

When they heard about what happened to the human, they knew it would affect everyone negatively. They first took measures to prevent some of the crew from seeing the human. Usually, they would stop here and focus on other issues. But this time, they listened to their instincts, and watched the human closely.

Sak’ari saw that these measures were practically useless, it was clear that the crew was deliberately malicious towards the human. So, they did something they have never done before, they made new laws to protect the crew and secretly, to protect the human.

Sak’ari had hoped the human would use those laws to protect itself. But it didn’t say anything to anyone and thus the laws were useless.

And so, Sak’ari decided to talk directly to the crew. They didn’t appear in public often however when they did, it was important. They were sure, the crew would listen, willingly or not.

Sak’ari told the crew “You might believe that a frail creature, weak physically, is below you. But no. If those creatures could survive their planet long enough to be civilised today, then, they are not weak. They have strength no one else has, they have a mind no one else has. Respect those species like you would respect anyone else. If you don’t want to do that, at least, acknowledge that you too have weaknesses.”

Everyone knew what Sak’ari meant. The toughest ones of the crew listened. Begrudgingly, they did. They apologised to the human who said nothing in response. After that, life continued its course on the ship.

——

Until pirates attacked them. Everyone knew the procedure. The more resistant species would protect the offensive ones in fights. The ones who had neither were requisitioned in a room to heal the wounded.

Sak’ari fought well. With their powerful bottom legs, they propelled themselves on their enemies before promptly shredding them with their claws. They were covered with fluids, they basked in these even.

It was one of the only moments where they were not the rational, stoic, collected Ancient One. They were back on their planet, they were wild, they were predators, they were free, they were feeling. How thrilling!

And then, they felt like they forgot something. They stopped for a moment, going back to their rational thinking. In their “infinite wisdom”, they didn’t tell the human the procedure.

They rose on their four legs, gave the commandment to their second and left in the corridors.

——

The human was running in the corridors. They were sweating, they were breathless but if they stopped they would die. The stomping behind them merged with their erratic heartbeats.

They knew they were not as fast, not as resistant, not as strong. They were all alone. They were a prey. A prey that needed to run fast. How long? Tears were falling down their cheeks. They didn’t want to die.

They saw a door on their left. It was the one to their workshop. They took it and closed the door. Claws made their appearance, ripping through the door. The human screamed. They took a crowbar on their shoulder and booked it.

They couldn’t hear the stomping anymore, so they walked fast trying to catch their breath. Then they heard it, closer than before. They turned around. Their heart dropped. They screamed. The mandible-claw-thing was right there!

Without thinking, they bashed its “head” with the crowbar and ran. They ran fast and whimpered. They took another door to save themselves…they trapped themselves. There is no second door here.

They turned around and watched as the door was torn apart. They backed off into a corner. As far as they could from the monster that was entering. They begged, they begged as much as they could. It cliqued its mandibles in rhythm. Was it laughing? 

The human felt dizzy. It was so big. The creature approached, slowly, already victorious. The human felt their thoughts fleeting, eaten away by terror. It was right there, it was right there, it was right there! They tried one last:

“Go away! I beg you.”

Before the creature could touch the human, it was hit by a crowbar, again. 

The human entered a frenzy. They hit the creature with all their strength. The creature was disoriented. Then its carapace started to crack. It’s only then, that they felt the shift.

There were no more whimpers, no more sounds coming from the human. They were just wide eyes, almost angry-looking. The fear subsided, there was only instinct. It was hit, after hit, after hit.

The carapace was broken, legs were destroyed. The creature was lying on the ground, fatally wounded. Now the creature was the one begging, it screeched uncontrollably, miserably. It was as if the human didn’t hear.

The screeching subsided to clicks. Then its mandibles were damaged. It only left it with a low and weak rumble. Then it didn’t make any sound anymore. Finally, it didn’t move. It was completely disfigured, damaged beyond repair.

The human kept going, mind blank. It was mechanical at this point. It is all they did for who knows how long. They only stopped when they felt their arms hurting.

——

Sak’ari chose this moment to approach the human. Only to swiftly dodge a crowbar. Upon seeing them, the human backed off, tripped on the carcass, fell down with a whimper and managed to hit itself with its own weapon.

It crawled toward a corner and stayed there. Tears streamed down its face. Sak’ari knew it meant it had too many feelings or one very strong emotion. They approached the human, making sure their movements could be predicted.

What Sak’ari didn’t predict was that the human would jump into their top legs. It held on to them for comfort while sobbing. It reminded Sak’ari of what they did when they were younger.

They passed their tail around the human. Their species are not so different, they thought. In fact, in some ways, they looked alike: they both came from death worlds and convergent evolution made their bodies similar; they were wild but knew to keep it for themselves and harbour a calm look, until danger was near.

Perhaps, that was why Sak’ari was so keen on defending the human against the crew. Maybe, it was because of these small links.

After this incident, the pirates were successfully defeated. The crew discovered what the human had done. The ones who hurt the human felt like they had dodged a bullet, or a crowbar in that case. The crew thought that humans could indeed take down anything, that the rumours were true.

The human was now respected by the crew. However, it was all the more terrified by the tough ones. It found comfort with Sak’ari and stayed with them as much as it could. In the end Sak’ari and the human were inseparable in their time off. Sak’ari found solace in finding someone just like them and the human wasn’t as lonely anymore.

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