#Happy Saturday I’m On My Bullshit Again

[rarepairnation]

do you think that faramir when he is steward, first of his house to abandon ruling from the title, ever thinks about his father and feels pity? for a lot of things, for sure, but what I’M thinking about is. well i think he thinks of boromir and knows that wherever he is, that that foremost dream of his, to see gondor safely through the war, for the sun to gleam again off the great spike of minas tirith - it has come true. he only wishes his brother could have lived to see it. but his father - if he had lived he would be appalled, by the gondor he would see. his house reduced to the hand of a king he never would’ve accepted, who had ended one war and promptly begun another. his son may have lived but he has defied his father’s wishes one last time, accepting the return of the king. for faramir at least right after the war everything he has ever dreamt of is coming true. minas tirith a queen among queens, with a king he sees as wise and true and worthy of his rule. his sacrifices have been worth it at last. but he Knows that to the man himself his father’s sacrifices would not have been. boromir died with some hope. his father died with none. he wishes he could think that his father may have died in despair but gods-willing, might look down upon the world and be at peace. maybe he is - faramir will never know. (there are many parts of his father’s mind that he had never had the time or the will or enough of a relationship with him to understand, and now he never will). but he does not think so. and for that he pities him, and knows that his father would hate it, and yet cannot stop himself from feeling it. it’s only one part of the incredibly complicated mess of emotions that i’m sure faramir feels whenever he considers his father but i simply think that it is there and denethor would’ve absolutely despised it and ohhh god the tragedy continues even after the relationship is over and gone and irreparable!

[itsmarsss]

stupid. [Peter Maximoff x Reader] (X-Men)

[~from the vault~]

Friends kiss all the time, right? Right?

Word count: 2,062

Warnings: none i don't think i even use the word fuck here like who even was i this is just fluff

[. . .]

“Okay, truth or dare?” Jubilee asked Peter, an unmistakably mischievous look on her face. 

It was funny, actually, to think that a group of mutant teenagers with unimaginable powers would be spending their weekend doing such mundane things, such as throwing a party and playing truth or dare like a bunch of seventh graders, but the truth is that none of you ever really had the chance to have that before, most always too weird to be with the normal kids.

So, truth or dare on a saturday night in the middle of the woods it was.

And of course you knew how this was going to go. You didn’t even have to be his best friend to know what he would pick without a hint of hesitation. 

“You know it,” Peter replied with a signature smirk.

Scott let out a groan. “There’s not even anything for you to do anymore!”

“There’s still plenty of stuff for me to do!” Peter defended himself, a hand over his chest feigning offense.

“No, he’s right! You never pick truth!” Warren joined Scott in complaining.

“Because I’m not boring! You guys are just laaaame.”

“I don’t know, lick that tree over there or something,” Jubilee murmured, uninterested.

“What? That’s all you got? Come on, you can do better! Dare me to run to Hawaii or something!”

“How would we know you actually went to Hawaii?” Kurt asked, and Peter tilted his head to the side, realizing what he said made sense.

“Just pick truth already!” Jean exclaimed, clearly annoyed at the amount of time his turn was taking. 

Peter put his arms up in surrender. “Okay, fine! But it’s gonna be lame.”

Jubilee quickly seemed to gain her excitement again, smiling as she thought of what to ask, snapping her fingers as she finally landed upon a question. “Okay! Have you and Y/N kissed before?” 

He seemed to be taken by surprise, shifting in his seat, and you felt your own cheeks burning, hoping the lack of light would hide it. Of course she would want to ask something like that. 

“C’mon. Something not so lame. What are we, 12?”

“Answer the question!” Scott egged him on, and Peter looked at you, silently asking you what to do. You didn’t even say anything, but you assumed he noticed how flustered you were, as he decided to spare you and lie.

“No. Happy?”

You thought they would let it go, but got confused when everyone other than you and Peter turned to Jean, who, after a moment, spoke up. “He’s lying,” she affirmed.

And then it was chaos. 

“Oh my God! When?”

“I knew it!”

“Holy shit how was it?”

“Stop reading my mind, witch!” Peter yelled. You knew him. Usually he’d be pretty proud to talk about how he 'got with the girl' or whatever. But Peter also knew you, and you both knew that you had specifically agreed to not talk about this. So he tried to change the subject. “Okay, okay, that’s not how this works. You have your answer, now spin the bottle again.”

“But-” 

“Those are the rules, Scotty.”

Annoyed, Scott reached out to spin the bottle again, and Peter winked at you. You smiled at him in return, thanking him silently. You were smart enough to know they would bug you about it later but at least you were fine for now, with enough time to come up with some bullshit excuse before you got bombarded with questions.

“Y/n it’s your turn.”

Well, maybe not so much time.

You were taken out of your thoughts by Jean’s words, averting your eyes to the bottle in front of you. Fair enough, it landed on you. Such luck.

“Truth or dare?” Scott asked you, unable to hide a grin.

“Come on, Scott.”

“You gotta choose!”

“Truth?”

“Tell us how that kiss happened.”

“Dare.”

“I… dare you to tell us how the kiss happened.”

“That’s not fair-”

“Those are the rules,” Warren intervened, repeating what Peter had said earlier, and you shot him a death glare. 

“You know I could kill you right?”

“You like me too much,” he smiled, and you sighed. You considered leaving the game, but you knew they would just annoy you until you talked.

“Fine. It was nothing, okay? We were on a mission and we had to improvise, that’s it.”

Scott’s eyebrows were furrowed together. “Wait it was for a mission?”

“Yeah,” you confirmed.

“But then it doesn’t count!”

Warren chimed in again. “What? Yes it counts-”

You looked over at Peter while all your friends debated the validity of your kiss , but he looked confused. “What?” You mouthed to him.

“That wasn’t our first kiss,” he blurted out, as if that were the most obvious thing in the world, very clearly not thinking before he spoke. Everybody else went quiet.

Warren was the first one to break the silence. “First kiss? Wait, how many times have you kissed?”

“No- it was-” Peter tried to save himself, but it was way too late. Now they wouldn’t leave you alone.

“You have to tell us!” Kurt exclaimed, and you almost felt mad at him. Almost.

Peter cleared his throat. “It was uh- when we were kids? Cause I told you I’d never kissed anyone?”

“Oh but if the mission one doesn’t count then that doesn’t count either. We were like ten!”

“What, were you not a person at ten years old?”

“Come on our real first kiss was that night at the movies wasn’t it? With the… the werewolf movie.”

“No cause that was after the one at the diner.”

“No it wasn’t! It was that one, then the time in your basement, then the diner.”

“But it doesn’t make-” Peter stopped and looked around. 

“What?” You did the same, only to see your friends look like they’d seen a ghost. They were all wide-eyed, either looking at you and Peter or at each other, trying to process the conversation the two of you were having. Okay, so maybe you got a little carried away accidentally.

“Uh-”

And then chaos again.

“You’ve kissed how many times now?”

“Are you sure you’re not together?”

“We’ve been trying to get you together for months! Months! And you tell me this?”

“But we-” you started, but what were you really gonna say? You were the one to talk too much.

Peter stood up. “We… are leaving.” He held his hand up for you to take, and you did so, standing up too. In no time you were in his room at the school, and things were awkward.

You sat down on his bed while he sat down on the chair by his desk, both in silence for a while, neither sure what to say. It was pretty common for you to do that, ignore this kind of thing. As you’d just talked about, you’d had those kinds of moments quite a few times before, but you always ended up unspokenly agreeing to not talk about it after. But it seemed that this time there was no choice.

“Um so.”

He lifted his gaze from the floor to you. “Yeah.”

“I uh. I didn’t realize uh. How many times we’ve- you know.”

“Yeah.” He was fidgeting with his fingers, looking at his hands instead of at you. You were kind of thankful for it.

“You think they’ll be too annoying about it?”

“Have you met them?”

You laughed. “Yeah. Maybe we should have just not played the game.”

“I’m sorry. Or whatever.”

“For what?”

“For bringing it up. It just… came out, you know how I speak without thinking-”

“It’s fine. We’ve kissed a few times, so what?”

“Yeah. Right. It’s what friends do! Right?” He finally looked at you.

“Yes! Platonic friends kiss sometimes. It’s normal.”

“Yeah! Totally. Totally.”

There was silence after that. One that indicated how incredibly not normal it all was.

“Can I ask you something?” Peter blurted out, out of the blue.

“Okay.”

“Did you… like… kissing me?”

“What?”

"Huh?"  He pretended he hadn’t said anything, immediately regretting saying it.

Silence again.

You thought for a moment. “Yeah.”

“What?”

“I liked it. Did you not?”

“I don’t- I-” He stood up in superspeed, but stayed within distance from you. “Yeah. A- a lot.”

“Does that- I mean that’s still like. Normal right?”

“Yeah I mean who- it’s kissing right? Why would- why wouldn’t we like that?”

“Right. Right. Yeah, of course.”

“Would it be that bad?”

“What do you mean?”

“If we were like- you know- not… friends.”

You quirked an eyebrow, and his eyes widened. “Not like that! I mean if we were like, more.”

“Like… if we dated.” It was a statement, but a question too. Were you getting this right?

“Wuh- Yeah. I guess.”

You had no idea what was going on now. After a long time of getting teased by your friends to no end about the blurry lines of your friendship with Peter, you learned to scold yourself when you caught your thoughts drifting to that. After all, you couldn’t- it would just ruin your friendship, and you didn’t want to lose your best friend. 

But now here he was, right in front of you, asking you if it would be so bad if you dated.

…would it?

“Why?”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

“I just wanna know why you’re asking!”

“Well cause maybe I’d like it if we were dating!” 

“Yeah sure,” you let out a laugh.

“I’m.. not joking.”

You went quiet.

“I know I’m not serious about… well anything I guess,” he let out a small laugh, “but I’m being like 100%, totally for real with you right now.”

“So you have… feelings for me. That’s what you’re saying.”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re not joking.”

“No! Why would I joke about that?”

“We joke about that all the time!”

“Not right now!”

“You know I’m 100% kicking your ass if you are, right?”

“I… am pretty aware.”

“Okay.”

He looked at you expectantly, but you didn’t even know what to think about this situation, let alone what to say. 

“Okay? So?” Of course, this was still your Peter, extremely nosey and incredibly impatient.

You took a good look at him. Did you like him the same way he apparently liked you?

Peter was annoying. He was loud and a lot of times way too much, and he always ended up getting you into embarrassing situations. If you ever got in trouble, it was pretty safe to say it was probably his fault. He was stubborn and cocky and annoyingly good at making things play out his way.

But he was your best friend. And he was wearing his stupid silver jacket that matched his stupid silver hair and a stupid graphic shirt with a stupid bear that wore sunglasses on it and the stupid Star Wars pin that you gave him for his stupid fourteenth birthday. He was so utterly and completely stupid, and it was stupid to think this could work.

And maybe you were stupid too, because it seemed that you liked him, a stupid amount. 

“Okay, don’t get too cocky, now.”

He kept staring at you, expecting your next words. 

“I like you too.”

“As in... more than a friend?”

“No I’m actually friendzoning you.”

Finally he opened a grin, relaxing as he caught on to your teasing tone. Now that looked more like him. “Are you? That’s good. I was actually gonna tell you I changed my mind.”

“You did?”

He walked towards you, in a normal speed for once. “Yeah. I think we should stay friends.”

You nodded. “Yeah me too.”

“Friends kiss, right?”

“Platonically.”

“Yeah, platonically.”

You laughed at how ridiculous that excuse sounded now. “We’re so stupid.”

Hee shook his head. “I don’t know what youre talking about.” 

You didn’t have time to keep the joke going, as he finally pulled you closer and leaned in.

You’d kissed a good amount of times before, but this time was different. It wasn’t impulsive, and you weren’t going to regret it after. You wouldn’t have to pretend it didn’t happen when it was over, and you really, really liked the thought of that.

But, of course, you did live with your really, really nosey friends, who you hadn’t noticed had been standing by the door.

“You guys are so confusing!”

Okay, it would be really stupid to think you would ever be able to live this one down.

[. . .]

A/N: treating you guys to these cute little oneshots today past mars was such a cutie i was gonna say i miss her but i dont really

[cas-writes-stuff-ig]

Part 3 of Cheering Her Up (A Float)

f!/nb! reader x regina george

CONTENT:

Word Count: 3203

The morning after the party

You and Regina go spend time in the pool together (you brought a duck float)

Regina shoves you in the pool

a little bit of suggestive flirting

some comphet/internalized homophobia/weird mixed signals type stuff

you're bonding with Kylie (Regina's little sister)

very mild angst/one-sided pining (at least you feel like its one-sided)

Part 1 of Cheering Her Up

Part 2 of Cheering Her Up

Part 4 of Cheering Her Up (coming soon maybeeeee??)

a/n:

sorry i've been missing in action for like 2 months, life's been sucky. Also I tried writing some smut for the end of this chapter but I decided to move it to the next chapter. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it (I'm not necessarily happy with this chapter I just was bullshitting around a little)

OH ALSO i'm like about halfway done with that wine drunk fic with Leighton do expect that soon :]

——————————————————————————————

In the morning, since you were slightly hungover, you didn’t wanna cook and Mrs. George went out for some errands, so you and Regina went out to get breakfast. You gulped down two cups of coffee to help with your head, then asked her to drop by your house to get your school bag. “Gina I’m gonna take a bit, I’ve gotta find something. I’ll drive back to yours soon” You got out of the car.

“Okay, bye loser, I’ll see you there,” She said and then drove off. 

You walked inside and you had to explain to your dad you were fine and you just needed to grab some stuff to do homework with Regina. He was indifferent about what you did or didn’t do, he just cared that you weren’t arrested. 

——————————————————————————————

"Your family gonna be out long?" You asked after about forty minutes of mutual silence on your phones. It was Saturday and you both finished the little homework you had over an hour ago, and you had this itch to take a dip in her pool again.

"Probably, why?" She asked

"I bought a pool float, just say it's for your sister. I'll leave it here" you said sheepishly.

She was unimpressed with your excuse "Mmhm, you know she can't swim well" 

"Precisely why I got one, now she can enjoy the pool" You argued back 

"Fine, let me get changed. I'll meet you down there" Regina got up and walked into her closet. "You've asked to swim in my pool so many times. At this rate, you should just join the fucking swim team" She said sarcastically, and you walked toward the hallway.

"Whatever, your pool is just nice to hang out in" You left her room and jogged down the stairs to your car.

Regina walked down the stairs after changing, holding two towels and water bottles, she saw you sitting on the ground in a sleeveless t-shirt and your boxer shorts, blowing up a fucking duck floatie. "Hey G" you were out of breath "I forgot my swim trunks"

She tsked at you “You brought a float, but not your swimsuit?" She left the glass door open.

"Uhhhh, yeah. I know I know it was dumb" She walked past you, flicked your forehead, earning an “ow” from you, and went to sit on the lounge chair. When you filled the entire float with air, you plugged the hole and held it above your head. "Success!" You put it in the water next to the edge of the pool.

It was a pretty big floaty, it could easily fit two people on it. You carefully climbed onto the float "Regina, get in on this" You put your hands behind your head and relaxed, closing your eyes.

"You look stupid." She said glancing up from her phone, she was taking a secret photo of you. Part of her wanted to replace your contact photo with this one, but she didn’t.

You opened your eyes and scolded her "Hey, you could've said no to the pool, just get on here. Don't let my hard work go to waste" She started playing music. Wordlessly she got up from her chair and sat on the float with you. "Wow, I didn't think you'd actually listen to me"

"I'm taking pity on you actually," She said conceitedly, you just flipped her off and closed your eyes again. So you both just laid there, basking in the last few weeks of warmth before the cold came in full force.

——————————————————————————————

The float had drifted from the edge to the middle of the pool. You had about twenty minutes of peace before you felt Regina's hands under your back and she shoved you off the float when you were least expecting it. A short cry of surprise was quickly muted by your head falling under the water.

You resurfaced and quickly grasped one of the flimsy plastic handles along the edge of the float while she was calming down from laughter "That was uncalled for!" you said "You find too much pleasure in my demise, Regina"

She faked her remorse "I would never do such a thing" she tilted her head to the side.

"Then can you help me back on?" you asked.

She grinned mischievously and crossed her legs. "No" she waved her hand like she was dismissing you "Swim along little duck"

"Fine then" You started to claw your way back up on the float, bending one of the edges and letting Regina sink in the water a little bit.

"Hey, what are you doing?!" Regina exclaimed as half her body was underwater due to your uncoordinated efforts. You finally got back on the float, you were on your stomach, and your head turned toward Regina. She was slightly irritated, and you just grinned at her. “You’re so annoying,” She said to you.

“You coulda helped me back up, you know? And if I’m so annoying, why do you still let me hang around?” your voice was playful. You decided to push the flirting a little more “You sure you’re just hanging around because you pity me? Is it for homework?” You shifted to lay on your side, head resting in the palm of your hand. “Or do you have a crush on me?” Your tone was joking but you were serious in your head.

Whenever you insinuated that your relationship was a little romantic, she would become testy. 

Your words pushed on Regina’s nerves, but she didn’t let it show on her face too much. She rolled her eyes. “Dream on nerd, I could care less about dating anyone right now. I’m not really gay.” She hated when you’d say things like that because she felt turmoil in her chest about the relationship you had with her, she didn’t want to think about what it meant. 

You knew her words were bullshit, the things she did with you spoke louder than words, but it still stung to hear her say that. You hid your disappointment and just said “Uhuh, whatever floats your boat Gina” She’s been like this throughout the entire situationship. Contradicting herself, going between acting like you were the only one in the world who knew her, or like what you had was nothing. 

This wasn’t good for your poor heart, but you were a fool, a dumb, lovesick fool, and you couldn’t help it. You knew she cared a little though, so you clung to the moments she had let you in, where you held each other like nothing else mattered.

She deflected the topic of romance quickly, “Go check my phone, my mom and Kylie might be back soon”

“But it's all the way over there, and I just got back on” You whined but you got off anyway, since she had a point. You grabbed one of the handles on the float and tugged Regina with you to the edge of the pool.

Regina snickered at how quickly you complied “You’re so easy, baby” You tried to ignore her, but she continued. “So obedient” Her voice was suggestive and teasing, your face reddened and you felt her words go straight between your thighs. You glanced over your shoulder trying to glare, but it looked more like a pout.

You reached the edge, stepped up and out of the pool, and walked toward the lounge chairs, drying your hand off with a towel to not get her phone wet. You looked back at Regina, “She said she’s gonna be home in about forty minutes, and it was sent like 26 minutes ago”

“Mm, okay,” She sounded mildly annoyed since you only had the pool to yourselves for less than an hour. Regina wanted to thoroughly enjoy the last few minutes of solitude with you. She got off the float “Come here”

You walked towards her, stepping into the water again. Regina had a hand on your shoulder, and right when you grabbed her waist about to pull her in closer for a kiss, you heard Regina’s mom say loudly “Hey guys!” as she opened the front door. You both instantly moved away from each other and got out. Mrs. George was holding some grocery bags and Kylie followed behind.

You and Regina already dried yourself off quickly, you hung the towel over your shoulder and walked inside. “Hey Kylie” Regina greeted, and Kylie gave a curt “Hey” back and then walked up to you.

“Hi, Mrs. George. Hey little George” You smiled and then crouched down so you were closer to eye level with Kylie. You stuck your fist out and Kylie fist-bumped you. 

“Hi, Y/N” She liked it when you and Regina were around. Kylie went on about her day to you. Regina was a little further away, and you made eye contact, Regina pointed at her sister and you, then mouthed ‘Traitors.’ You had to hold in your laugh and divert your attention back to her little sister. “Oh! And we’re going on a field trip to the aquarium in two weeks” 

Before you could answer, Regina’s mom called you all over to the kitchen. “Kylie have your lunch” She placed a plate on the table and Kylie sat down. “You guys hungry?”

Regina looked at you, meaning it was up to you “No, I’m okay. Thank you” you said. 

“Okay” her mom always sounded enthusiastic “Why don’t you invite Gretchen, Karen, and the new girl Cady to hang out with you guys in the pool?” 

“Uh-” Shit, you blanked on excuses

Regina cut in quickly “Gretchen and Y/N aren’t really on good terms mom, I’d rather not get into it” Which wasn’t true, Gretchen was in one of your classes and you were good acquaintances, which is why you and Regina had to be extra careful around her. Her special talent for getting people’s information was really incredible.

“Oh, okay honey” She moved on obliviously “I’m going to run a couple more errands, do you mind watching Kylie, Regina?” 

Regina took a quick glance at her sister who beamed at the idea of hanging out with both of you. “Sure, Mom” She wouldn’t show it much, but she really did care for her little sister.

“Great! I’ll be back around seven or eight tonight” Ms. George leaned closer to you “You both are welcome to drink whatever alcohol I bought, it’s in the fridge” She picked up her purse and left quickly. “Bye girls!” 

——————————————————————————————

Regina had taken out the margarita mix from the fridge and took out two glasses. Kylie finished her lunch and then grabbed a juice box from the fridge, “Hey little George, wanna hang out in the pool for a little?” 

“Sure!” She grinned and gulped down her juice box, leaving it on the table, then dashing up to her room to change.

Regina cleared her throat to get your attention, then held up the two glasses with ice, insinuating for you to drink with her. 

“Again?” You rolled your eyes, she poured you a glass and handed it to you. You took it anyway. “Fuck it, it’s Saturday” You downed it quickly and placed it down on the counter, Regina smirked and poured you another without asking if you wanted more. “You’re gonna be the reason my liver gives out in my thirties, Regina”

She began to walk away, bringing the glasses with her “You could say no, and I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to sip it, not chug it” She stepped back out to the backyard, and then Kylie returned in her swimsuit. 

“I’m ready let's go!” She skipped through the house and to the pool, and you followed behind. Regina had already settled on her lounge chair, drinking her glass. You sipped yours too, already feeling the burning down in your stomach. You heard Kylie gasp audibly at the sight of the float, then she whipped her head around to look at the both of you.

“I got you a duck float”

“Because you don’t know how to swim” Regina added under her breath, but Kylie heard her.

She defended herself “I know how to swim! It’s just hard.” You placed your drink down next to Regina and walked over to dip yourself in the shallow end, Kylie followed suit, and while the water only reached about a third of you, it went up over half of Kylie.

“Take it easy, you just ate okay?” You were trying to be mindful, and you pulled the float for her to grab “You can hold onto the float while you swim too, but your mom should really sign you up for lessons” 

——————————————————————————————

Twenty minutes went by and you were trying to teach Kylie to swim more effectively, but you weren’t particularly great at it either, so you opted to teach her how to tread water. You were in slightly deeper water now so she could practice, but shallow enough that your feet still touched the floor of the pool. After a bit, you successfully taught her how to not drown. “Hey good job little George” She reached for the float handle to take a break. 

“You want to get on the float now?” You asked.

“Yeah,” she said and you held the float for her as she clambered onto it, she sat cross-legged, then you let go to float on your back, still holding the float to not drift away. “Y/N,” Kylie whispered a little, “How come you’re not dating anyone?” You were taken aback a little bit and shifted to stand in the water. 

“Uh,” you thought for a second, also whispering back despite being a good ways away from Regina “I don’t know, but I’ve been in relationships before. Why you being nosey, George?” You kept your tone light. 

“No reason, I like to know things. Do you like anyone then?” She pried.

Her intrigue about your life was cute, so you entertained her curious antics a little “Mmhm, do you?” 

She started to pry more “No, boys are stupid. What’s their name?”

You snickered at how similar Kylie was to Regina “You sound like your sister, Kye. Also, it doesn’t matter, you don’t know them anyway” you lied.

Kylie pouted “I won’t tell anyone, not even Regina” 

“Okay, their name ends with an ‘A’” You whispered teasing her a little.

Both of your voices started to rise in volume, “That's not fair, there are so many names that end with ‘A’, give me something else to work with.” 

“Nope, sorry Little George” She crossed her arms and frowned at you, “Oh come on, I bought you a float, you can’t be mad at me.” 

Before either of you could continue your argument Regina cut in “Why are you upset Kylie?” She now sat at the edge of the pool with her legs in the water. 

“They won’t tell me who the-” 

You covered Kylie’s mouth quickly with your hand and into her ear “Don’t say anything to Gina, I’ll tell you later, I promise” You took your hand away from her mouth and held out your pinky “Please.” You didn’t want Regina to push you away, so you lied to yourself and tried to convince yourself that you could keep this casual. You both convinced yourselves this was casual.

“Fine” Kylie took your pinky, and you connected the tip of your thumb to hers locking the promise.

“Kylie, finish your sentence,” Regina said. Kylie glanced at her and then back at you, you held a finger up to your mouth, and Kylie zipped her mouth closed with her hand and pretended to throw an imaginary key away. Regina looked irritated, but if she found out you liked someone, she would force the answer out of you.

She was about to ask you, but then you copied Kylie’s gesture by zipping your mouth closed. “We’re sworn to secrecy” 

She just rolled her eyes at you. “You’re such a child”

“Hey!” Kylie acted offended

You defended Kylie “That’s ageist Gina” 

——————————————————————————————

Eventually, you went back inside it was about 5:30 now. “I’m showering first,” Regina announced “Use the guest bathroom to shower,” She told you.

“Okayy” You gave her a thumbs-up, she had filled your glass twice just 10 minutes ago, and you weren’t usually outwardly drunk, but your demeanor was more bubbly. Regina walked up the stairs and left you and Kylie alone.

“Hey you owe me” Kylie got your attention.

Shit, you should’ve just told Kylie you didn’t like anyone, or that you were still getting over your ex. “Kye, really?” You lay down on the floor, that last drink was hitting you, not enough to be visibly drunk, but enough for you to have a blabbermouth.

“Yeah,” Kylie sat down on the floor next to you. You heard the shower upstairs turn on.

“It’s a girl” You sort of liked playing these games still, it was mildly entertaining for you.

“Okay” 

“Starts with an R”

“So my sister?”

“Don’t tell her little George. You get no more details” You whispered. You should not have been telling a little kid this, especially her sister. But you were tipsy and with no one else to confide in, you told her anyway. “If you tell her I’ll take that float back” You kidded.

She held out her pinky to you “I won’t tell, pinky swear” You locked your pinky promise again with her. “I kind of like this one guy in my class” 

“I knew it, you little liar.” You sat up and ruffled her wet hair “So Kye has a crush huh?” She gave you more details about her crush. It was pretty adorable. Kylie detailed her crush being put in the same group for the upcoming aquarium field trip. Eventually she asked you more details about your crush on Regina.

“Why don’t you tell her you like her? You guys are always together.” Kylie asked you.

You hesitated when answering her question “Highschool social hierarchy is hard to explain, but being gay isn’t exactly great for your social status, plus I’m not exactly popular. And your sister–no one actually knows we’re friends aside from you and your mom.”

“But you guys are close friends, as close to Regina as Gretchen and Karen. And I think you are more fun to hang around than Aaron”

You smiled at her “I know, little George, you’re so sweet,  but it’s hard to explain why I can’t tell her.” You couldn’t outright tell Kylie her sister was essentially very homophobic outside of the house. “Things between us are weird and complicated, but I don’t think she will ever like me like that, thats all” 

Kylie frowned at that, you placed a hand on her shoulder “Don’t look so down. Trust me little George, it’s better she doesn’t know”

You both heard the shower shut off. Regina was in her robe and she peeked down the stairs seeing you and Kylie were still sitting at the bottom of the stairs talking. “Hey, what are you doing? Get washed up already” 

You stood up, “That’s our cue,” you offered your hand to Kylie and helped her up “Go shower before the beast gets mad at us” Kylie let out a little laugh.

(lowk i kinda hate this may or may not delete/archive this)

[wormdebut]

The universe expands. Part One | Part Three | Part Four

-

The Daily Grind was Wayne’s baby and Eddie had spent many an evening in the industrial lobby as he got used to living with his uncle at age thirteen. Somewhere over the years, Saturday nights became open mic nights and Eddie would usually just drag out his acoustic, but occasionally his buddy from school, Gareth would join him and bang on whatever planted pot he could pull onto the little corner platform until he finally got a cajon.

Wayne had thrown him an apron at sixteen and he’d been working at the shop ever since. He wasn’t entirely sure how he had been roped into running the whole damn thing by 23 but here he was, and Wayne was somewhere in Indiana opening a fourth location, Eddie was happy for his uncle he really was, but he didn’t have a shred of patience for a customer who was out of line.

Yell at him? Sure, Eddie was a loud (both verbally and aesthetically) kinsey six gay man, that stood at 6’2 (without his boots, thank you) with a penchant for attention of any form; but yell at any of his coffee kiddos? You’ve got another thing comin’ Brenda. No one speaks to his little beans that way, especially not the smallest. Erica Sinclair, sure as hell could handle herself but Eddie was also rearing for an opportunity to kick someone the fuck out of his hallowed little coffee shop, specifically ‘medium single shot soy cappuccino absolutely no foam—no I don’t want a latte you dumbass can you hear correctly from down there’ Brenda.

Eddie had heard the woman from the backroom while he was dolling out pastries from the freezer. She was that fucking shrill, he was already rearing up, as Dustin popped his shocked head back through the door, “Um, Eddie?”

“Yeah Henderson, I heard it I’m on my way.” Eddie threw his long hair up in a messy bun on top of his head, having had taken it down while he was alone in the back and marched straight out to the lobby. God dammit, Brenda it was 7am and there were other guests to serve, “Brenda Brenda Brenda.” He shove his way between Erica and the counter top that Brenda was grossly leaning over to try and get into her face, and shut her up good and quick with a displeased stare that would scare the biggest of the bads.

“We’ve been over this sweetheart, I gave you one last chance, one,” he threw his finger up at her both to illustrate his point and cut off her response, “I’ve been making you your bullshit cappuccino for two years darling, and you know my kids are trained by me. They make the thing better then I do, and—nope I’m talking,” he cut her off again as she made to fight back. Eddie wasn’t looking anywhere but at this bitch of a women, however he knew there were people crowding in the lobby now. He didn’t care, “you can come at me all you want, but you will not ever speak to my staff that way. Get the fuck out and do not come back.”

Brenda huffed in exasperation, “I want the manager, Edward!”

Eddie’s laugh in that moment was pointed as he looked at Erica tucked behind his back and Dustin making drinks dutifully but watching from his side view, “Did you hear that squad? She’s wants the manager!” He snapped his gaze back to the angry ugly little stout woman in front of him, “I’ll do you one better, babe,” He sneered at here, “My names Eddie and I own the place,” Wayne would forgive him, “Get. The Fuck. Out.”

Brenda huffed as she turned on her stubby little heel, “I’m calling the city board!” She yelled as the crowd of coffee customers applauded her exit. Eddie laughed under his breath at that, Chicago didn’t give a shit about a bitch and her coffee vendettas.

“You good E?” He turned to his coworker and she looked up at him with her hands on her hips.

“You know I had it handled right?” He nodded, told her of course she did, but it never hurts to have support, and she kept up her confidence but muttered a quiet “Thanks Eddie”, as she turned around and joined Dustin on the second machine.

“Sorry about that guys, who’s next?” Eddie flashed a thousand watt smiled and whipped through the lobby of guests. Max was due in any second so he knew they would get the early morning rush cleared out fairly quickly regardless of the ridiculous interruption.

Eddie’s smile brightened at a duo he knew he hadn’t met yet, the lanky girl looked nice sure but damn he would’ve remember a boy that looked like this one, “Well hello Gorgeous.”

The boy who had a head of hair that truly rivaled Eddie’s own, and freckles splashed across his cheeks, flushed red and oh, Eddie wanted to devour him. His big brown eyes widened at Eddie’s forwardness and immediatley dropped to the floor. Eddie couldn’t hide the playful smirk on his face. The girl couldn’t help but let out a laugh, whether it was in solidarity or out of awkward tension Eddie couldn’t tell.

“I’m Robin and this is,” she gestures at the blushing mess of the boy that still had his eyes trained to the floor, “well this is just embarrassing, but he goes by Steve.”

“Well, it’s a pleasure. My apologies for the shit show earlier, why don’t I get you guys whatever on me yeah?”

Eddie was a sucker for a pretty boy, and he could tell they were both good people. She basically dragged Steve with her as they waited for their iced oat milk lavender lattes. (Eddie swears by them.) Eddie made sure to deliver them directly to the two and shy boy Steve managed a soft smile and a breathy “Thanks” and Eddie wanted to bite him, dammit. “

Bye, new friends have a safe day wherever your headed!” Eddie flashed them a grin and a wave as they left the shop, just as a flash of red hair zoomed past them.

“What did I miss, besties?” Max asked as she tied her fiery hair up in a messy bun to match Eddie’s.

“Oh you know,” Dustin spoke from the espresso machine, “Eddie kicked out ‘No Foam Cappuccino Brenda’, pulled the “I am the manager” card to defend Erica and I’m pretty sure he fell in love with a shy pretty boy?” He ends on a question and Eddie just tsks at him as he makes his way back to the backroom.

“Ah,” Max breathes, “Just another bright morning at The Grind.”

-

Taglist - @gay-stranger-things @savory-babby @trashpocket if you wanna be added or removed just let me know ✨

[eddiemunson-reader-shame]

Good morning Hawkins in my daily struggle to power through Flight of Icarus despite my problems with it, I present to you:

Eddie Munson x Reader Headcanons - Hellfire Club Edition

Author’s Note: Y’all I am fucking STOKED! I’m finally meeting up with some old buddies this Saturday to play D&D again for the first time in four years! Me and my friends have been trying to find someone to DM for us for a while (my lover doesn’t want to which is totally fair). And I fell in love with Eddie helping Gareth make his new character in Flight of Icarus, and I feel like we have a significant lack of Reader in Hellfire Club headcanons. So, from one D&D nerd to the community, please enjoy these headcanons which is basically just me gushing for five hours about D&D.

For context: Let’s say Hellfire Club meets Fridays in the Drama Room after school hours.

Okay, first and foremost, Eddie plays Advanced Dungeons and Dragons in 1986 like its 2024 fifth edition in Hellfire Club.

Flight of Icarus got one thing right: Eddie doesn’t give a shit about rules half the time. While it’s a great guideline to start off from, I feel like Eddie would be big on homebrewing.

There may be some homebrew campaigns and a good majority of the storyline in the main campaign is improv, but that doesn’t stop him from respecting if there are players who want to follow the game rules.

He will tease the shit out of a rules lawyer though.

I can see Mike Wheeler as the rules lawyer at first, only to be thoroughly humbled by the first homebrew one shot Eddie put him in.

Eddie will either help you make a character in private or with the boys in case you need more brains to help explain things to you.

If you’re really new, he has his own private session 0 with you to roll for stats. He will meticulously go through all of your character’s details with you and help explain things no matter how many times you ask. He’s very patient, and he loves when you ask him questions.

It makes him feel happy you care so much about his hobbies!

Another big one: Eddie allows multi classing. You wanna be a Cleric who was torn from their order and forced into a life of crime as a Rogue?

“Bitchin’. We love a sassy holy member of the clergy that’s reverted to a life of crime. Let’s decide together how many levels you want in each class.”

You want to go for a specific subclass that cancels out your main class? *cough DRUID cough*

“Fuck it babe. I’ll allow you to keep your armor proficiencies, your spells, AND I’ll lift the requirements for castle worship only. Your Druid can pray for cleric spells in the woods.”

Hellfire Club is literally so relaxing even though there are insults thrown every five minutes and you might find yourself making enemies for the few hours Hellfire Club meets. But it’s not serious. It’s all in good fun and everyone makes up after.

Eddie often uses the Rule of Cool: If you make it sound cool, he’ll allow it in a campaign.

HOWEVER…

Eddie Munson is your sweetheart, your love of your life, your one, but he is a fucking BASTARD of a DM sometimes.

If you get a high roll, he will throw all manner of shit at you in a campaign.

You have a tanky build? Try soloing five groups in a row with no healer bitch.

Spellcaster with a high level arsenal of spells? Your long rests to regain spell slots will never know peace.

Cleric with high level healing spells? Woe, Silence be upon thee.

This mother fucker will not go easy on you if you’re a first timer, but thankfully he will explain to you in detail what he’s doing, what he’s rolling for, etc.

But that’s only for your first game and only because you’re his baby.

If you have a solid idea of how to play, good luck bro. You’re gonna need it.

You, Jeff and Frank collectively (jokingly) plan to one day jump Eddie after school if he continues his traditions of thinking of sadistic ways to kill your first character for a new class.

You tried to warn the freshmen about Eddie’s bullshit but they didn’t believe you. Especially Dustin, who defended Eddie to the death and chastised you for calling Eddie a “shit licking whore” of a DM because hey, that’s your boyfriend! Be nice to him!

… Dustin now only refers to the DM’s commentaries as “And now a word from our Shit Licking Whore…”

I can see Eddie becoming one of those DMs whose goal is to fucking win at all costs even though it’s really not the point but… you know. He seems like he’d have a competitive streak.

Based on Experience: You make eight in Hellfire Club. For a normal campaign that’s way too many goddamn people and turns can take fucking forever. Eddie often gets impatient and hates when the campaigns get mind numbing.

So Eddie’s devised this solution: One Shots have to be rolled for with a d20 to determine who gets to be one of four players, winners need the highest scores of the group. Hellfire Club’s main campaign though is anything goes, Eddie alone DMs, and all Hellfire Club members can play. Because the main is anything goes, it’s also the hardest. And once your character is dead, there’s no revives. The main campaign is not the most newbie friendly. You can opt out of it if you don’t feel comfortable with the main campaign.

The one shots are mainly official campaigns from the sourcebooks, but there are some homebrew ones allowed as long as Eddie checks them over first. These ones are the easier games to get into.

Eddie will allow anyone who wants to DM a chance to DM these one shots, because he honestly gets sick of being the forever DM and actually wants to play sometimes.

You prefer Eddie as a player because he will strategize beforehand with everyone while he rolls up a character. He will base his decision on everyone else’s, fulfilling any role you need. He also will help explain to you about certain encounters or walk you through picking spells or such as you level up.

If you need help while Eddie DMs, the best people to sit with are Gareth, Jeff, and Mike. Gareth and Jeff have the most knowledge about how spells work and helping you to walk through what would benefit the party. Mike is an invaluable tool to have being a former DM, and while he may get annoyed if you ask too many questions, he can tell you just about anything regarding abilities, monsters, or what effects certain spells have. He’ll also help you pick a weapon proficiency that matches your character’s needs.

If you need cheering up, sit next to Dustin or Frank. Franks got the depression snacks in clutch and Dustin will try to cheer you up if your character dies in a famous Eddie Munson death scene.

Dice Jail for Bad And Naughty Traitor Dice get thrown in a mason jar by Eddie’s DM screen. He shakes the jar full of the shitty dice and you all have to scream “SHUN THE TRAITORS”.

Eddie keeps his dice in a Crown Royal drawstring bag. I said what I said.

He even buys a bottle of Crown Royal for you so you have a matching bag for your dice too.

You best believe anything you need to start off the campaign, Eddie is going to buy it for you.

I will only say this once: Session 0 is the best day ever in Hellfire Club. Eddie goes all out: Pizza, drinks, snacks, candy, music, a little bit of the devil’s lettuce, he goes all fucking out.

[phdmama]

For the trope mash-up post, may I request Fake Dating and Soulmate AU for Drarry please, if it sparks any fun inspiration?

(P.S. you're wonderful and I will love literally anything you come up with, even if it's not for these prompts, I just got super excited when you posted this 💜)

No, YOU'RE wonderful!!

So this is what came to me - and I can actually see the rest of the story but I have to go adult for a bit, but I am going to come back later and write some more of this! (As per usual, this is pretty much SOOC and unbeta'd, etc etc.)

Draco’s known since the Final Battle. 

He’s pretty sure Potter has no idea, whether it’s that no one’s remembered to tell him about soulmates, or that his mark hasn’t activated yet, but he treats Draco exactly the way he’s treated him since they'd all arrived at University. He’s unfailingly polite, cool and distanced, and deeply disinterested in one Draco Malfoy.

Which isn’t, you know, how you’re supposed to treat your soulmate.

The thumbprint on Draco’s wrist had flared to life when Potter had grabbed his arm to haul him onto the back of the battered broom that carried them both out of the fire. He’d almost fallen off at the way Potter’s magic had rushed over him, through him. Draco had always heard the stories that connecting with your soulmate could be disorienting, but since it happened to him in the midst of mortal terror, Draco’s not sure his experience was typical.

It’s also very rare that one person connects and the other doesn’t, although it does happen. It takes time for the bond to solidify, to grow into a true soulmate connection, and obviously, that’s not happened here. Basically, Potter is a faint echo in Draco’s mind, enough to distract and ache a little, nothing more than that.

All this to say, it’s weird when Potter comes dashing into their suite common room one Saturday afternoon, looking wild-eyed and somewhat disheveled. It’s a rainy day, raw and windy, the kind of day where Draco does not plan to leave the building if he can help it. Potter is damp and windblown, so he clearly had other ideas. Fucking weirdo.

Potter looks around wildly, and lights up when he spots Draco curled up on the couch under his favorite striped blanket.

“Malfoy,” he says eagerly, and Draco blinks up at him in surprise.

Potter’s never sounded happy to see Draco before.

“Yes?” Draco says cautiously. “Can I help you?”

Potter nods vigorously. “You can, yes, absolutely. I need you to pretend to be my soulmate and go to the gala with me tonight.”

“I beg your pardon?” Draco asks, trying to make sense of the words he’s just heard. “You need me to what?”

Potter hangs his coat on the rack by the door, kicks off his grubby trainers and makes his way around the couch to plop down next to Draco.

“I need you to pretend to be my soulmate and go to the gala with me tonight.”

“That’s what I thought you said,” Draco says. “But also, what the fuck are you talking about?”

Potter sighs, lets his head rest on the back of the couch and runs a hand through his unruly hair.

“You know how the press…” his voice trails off and he flushes.

“Follows you around incessantly and makes your life a living hell?” Draco says dryly. “Yes, Potter, I’m aware.”

“Well, someone thought it was a good idea to advertise that I haven’t found my soulmate, and to suggest that anyone who’s unbonded should come to the gala tonight and you know. Shoot their shot or whatever.”

Draco sits bolt upright, outraged. “What the hell? That’s bullshit. That’s not even how it works!”

Potter just sighs again and slumps down even further, eyes closed. “Yeah, I know that, but it’s turned into this whole thing, and every girl in the greater Oxford area, apparently, is now coming to the gala.”

“Can’t you just… not go?” 

Potter shakes his head, looking miserable. “No. The Fund is really important to me. I promised to speak.”

“So your solution is to fake a soulmate bond with a man?” Draco asks and Potter snorts.

“Okay, well, when you put it like that, it does sound stupid. I just thought if I could get them all off my back for a bit… No, you’re right. I’ll just have to get a bodyguard again, I guess.”  

He sounds so utterly miserable that Draco can’t help but feel sorry for him, which is why he finds himself saying, “Yeah, I’ll do it.”

Potter opens his eyes to stare at Draco. “What?”

Draco shrugs. “I’m not doing anything tonight, there’ll be wine at the gala, yeah?”

Potter looks excited but then his face falls. “But what about your soulmate? What if they’re out there looking for you?”

Draco looks away and swallows. “That won’t be a problem.”

Potter’s eyes narrow. “Why not?” He sucks in a breath and whispers, “Malfoy, do you know who your soulmate is?”

Draco just nods and there’s a long silence while Potter clearly puts some picture together in his head. He’s never been stupid, Draco concedes. Since for all intents and purposes, Draco is unbonded, Potter must know there’s something wrong with all of it.

Finally Potter says, “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” Draco says and finally turns to look at Potter. “It’ll be fun,” he says carelessly. “What should I wear?”

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling Chapter 30 Teaser 2

Hoping to have this wrapped Saturday ❤️

“OK shooting a basketball is a completely different animal,” you waved her off. “Where it counts, my aim is solid. Saved Tommy once.”  “Bullshit.”  “It’s true,” you said, nudging Renaissance a little faster. “Ask Joel…”  “Joel, hm?” She brought her horse alongside yours. “Things happening there?”  You tried to hide your smile but felt the edges of your mouth curve up, anyway.  “Good for you!” Julie said. “Both because you’re my friend and I want you to be happy but also because I like being right and goddammit, if I’m going to get shot down for a man of all people at least it’s a man I was right about.”  You laughed a little before you remembered you had things weren’t just magically fixed with Joel yet. “Do me a favor and don’t mention it to anyone?” You said, looking down at Gattling. “I need to tell Savvy…”  The dog looked up to you at the mention of her name and you gave her a small scratch.  “Oh, right,” Julie winced a bit. “Yeah, that might be rough.”  “Yeah,” you sighed heavily. “I need to figure out a way to do this without losing both of them. I can’t do that again, I just… I can’t.” 

[glitchaxolol]

So honest opinions on Wrestlemania XL Saturday:

Rhea v Becky: Good match, happy that Rhea won but it was really short (injury maybe?). Rhea and Becky performed well, they always perform well together honestly.

Six-Tag Team Ladder Match: I’m so happy Truth got the tag titles for the Awesome Truth, very happy Grayson got the other set too for A-Town Down Under (even if they end up losing them next week [possibly to Judgement Day]). Damian was working really hard and his outfit looked so badass. JD came up in there like he was actually gonna do something (love that shortie tho). It was great but, again, kinda short.

Andrade & Rey v Santos & Dom: One word, bullshit. It was short and after Rey already beat Dom last year it’d make so much sense for Dom to win this year. Carlito turning on Rey would’ve been great, and the football guys coming out was absolutely stupid, it didn’t advance anything. But, what is being mad gonna do about it, nothing is gonna change.

Jimmy v Jey: I was going for Jimmy but after he did the fake begging for forgiveness, I knew he’d lose for betraying Jey’s new trust. The match was fair and I actually liked it though. Shorter than it should’ve been, it could’ve been dragged out more.

Bianca, Naomi, & Jade v Damage Control: Holy hell, this was a badass match, despite it being so short. Asuka accidentally misting Kairi was kinda surprising. Jade looked cool as ever, her outfit was lovely. I was very happy they won, it would’ve made more sense if it was a tag title match though, with maybe Bianca & Jade(still love u Naomi).

Sami v Gunther: I knew Sami was gonna win but I was still hoping Gunther could beat him. Sami put up an awesome fight though, both of them did. It was an oddly short match for Gunther tho.

Rock & Roman v Cody & Seth: God this was an actually amazing match. All four of them did a fantastic job and made it entertaining. (Roman was lookin’ kinda🤭) (also Roman with the bloody nose😩🤌). Roman was just being an absolute beast, like how the hell was he still getting up(not complaining)! Ty Rock for pulling the official out(also Rock randomly cussing was hilarious🤣)! Roman spearing Rock was hilarious honestly, like Rock was being so dramatic, that double kick out looked cool tho. That spear thru the barricade was great. That double crossroads was pretty cool. I’m very happy Roman and Rock won, but Seth & Cody put up a hell of a fight. It was a long match, but it was sooo worth it. But, BLOODLINE RULES TMRW NIGHT!!! ☝️🩸

Overall: It was pretty good, they put up amazing fights and it was quite entertaining. I feel like all the matches were way too short just to make the last match long but since the match was badass, it’s perfectly okay.

Reminder: These are just my opinions so don’t get like pressed or anything lol.

[findingmypeace]

I’d love to hear about your new therapist, group gym class and voice lessons! :)

I am so excited to talk about these things!

*New therapist: My new therapist is aware of my tumblr. She and I had a discussion and she asked me not to talk about her on here but I am still allowed to discuss my own experiences in therapy. I respect her a lot so I agreed. I will say she is known to me and it’s a really good fit. I know she cares but will also call me out on my bullshit. I need that. I feel like that kind, but tough love is what I need to move forward. I am very excited to work her.

*Gym: With my previous history in the gym (forcing myself) I never thought “movement” could be so much fun! It was suggested I do the Small Group Trainings. I did not like that idea but it’s actually perfect! There is a max of 8 people per group but the most I’ve had with me is 5. We are all starting from scratch and there is no judgement. There is socialization and encouragement. It’s a lot of fun. The trainers are fully aware of my eating disorder and have been so nice and understanding about it. My goals are mostly on rebuilding my stamina and strength. We did set a weight loss goal but, in my mind, it’s way too slow. At this rate it will take me two YEARS to get back to my pre-residential weight! But I recognize that was the suggestion because they are aware of my eating disorder and hypothyroidism and I appreciate that they are being careful. And to be clear, my therapist is aware of this and the deal is that I have a choice on gym days. Purging or gym. I can’t do both. This will be very hard but I understand and I agreed to this.

*Voice Lessons: I am so happy to be singing again! My first lesson was this past Saturday. We worked on vocal warm ups and breathing techniques. I struggled at first. It has been over 15yrs since I sang like this and it’ll take time to get back to where I had been in my abilities. But a lot of it felt like muscle memory which was a surprise to me. It hasn’t all been lost in my years off! She sent me the YouTube videos of the breathing exercises and vocal warm ups we worked on and I’m supposed to do them for 30 minutes everyday. My goal has always been to get back into a choir but I don’t think I’m going to do that. The studio I’m taking lessons from regularly does musicals. Right now they’re working on Newsies and next is Shrek! This is right up my alley. I don’t think I’ll be ready in time for Shrek as auditions are in a couple weeks but I plan on doing the one after that.

So despite some really awful things happening there are also great things. I really need this and it brings joy to my life.

[thenotsoholyspirit]

✨The Devil’s in the Details✨

(Pt 3/?)

(Matt Murdock x Reader)

AU: Well here's the third chapter, I hope you're liking it so far. I'll try to work on my other story these days so if I don't make an update on this one its just that I may be a bit overwhelmed by Uni Thanks ❤️❤️

(Part two in here

Summary: Trying to makes end meet as a young woman has never been easy, even less living in the turbulent city that is New York. When (y/n) will have to make an impossible choice, she'll have to decide between the ones she cares the most. It's never safe to fall in love, especially with that mysterious lawyer at the bar she's been working at and the secret she guards underneath.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/—/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

I have always hated the smell of Hospitals.

As I enter the long term aisle, the scent of bleach and hand sanitizer already overwhelms my senses. My head is already starting to turn.

Saturdays were my only free day of the week, and visiting my mother in the morning has been my routine for quite a while now.

I finally reach her room as I softly knock at her door frame.

“Is Miss Emmerston here ?”

I smile at her as she’s already awake eating her breakfast. I was happy to see her being able to eat solid food again, even if I knew how tasteless the meals here usually were.

“Honey.” She softly smiles back at me, “You came in early today” 

My mother’s voice has always been so sweet. 

Looking at her, I understand how people so often say I’m her carbon cop, the only difference being the color of my skin that I surely inherited from my father. 

“How are you feeling this morning mom ?”

“Not bad… not bad… Doctors have said my last treatment has been giving good results ”

I’ll never know what triggered it all, but I still have the vivid image of my mother laying on the ground as I had to call the emergency number. A late diagnosis of HF they told me, lucky she even made out at this stage. 

Apparently it was a family issue as they also did some exams on me and discovered I did need a pacemaker. I had to decline it as I couldn’t afford it. 

I’ve been ok for now I'll manage  

Of course the total bill didn’t come in cheap, especially as my mother had to often prolong her stays at the hospital.

“I have a good feeling this time” 

I force myself to smile at her. 

I didn't want to worry her either about my current situation and she seemed to be genuinely happy. 

She suddenly gives me a curious look, a little smirk being visible on her lips.

“What about you honey… any special news ?” She murmured, “Any boyfriend out there ?”

I slightly blush as she asks me so, unwillingly thinking about Matt.

“Mom…y know I ain't got time for that stuff”

My mother gives me a sad smile shaking her head 

“You’re so young and pretty, you also need to enjoy life y'know honey”

I look out the window, thinking about my late night conversation with Fisk. He hasn’t reached for me yet.

“I will… I will… for now I'm here for you”

I take her hand as I hold it with a strong grip, giving her a kiss on her forehead.

I'll get you through this mom. No matter what it may cost me

“Anyways” , I lighten my tone a bit as I get some needles and wool from my bag, “It’s time we continue to knit that scarf.. shall we ?“

……….

She hasn’t called in yet.

Maybe it was a bit rushed, but it's been some days and he hasn’t heard anything from the waitress at Josie’s . Matt has started to question if his idea of leaving a contact card was the correct one.

“Matt,  you stop pacing around the room please ?” Foggy murmurs slightly annoyed “I’m trying to read up some papers here”

Matt shakes his head, he wouldn’t admit he was hoping for her call

“Sorry for that Foggs”, he sits down “I’m just trying to come out with a good opening statement for this case” 

“Bullshit, you’re thinking about that girl aren’t you “

Matt sighs, he wasn’t in the mood to have that conversation. Foggy smiles, taking it as an affirmation of his suspicions.

“You could’ve actually given her your number rather than your lawyer credentials” Foggy couldn’t hide is smirk, “She may have thought you were in search of a client, not a date”

Matt chuckles softly as he can’t help but to be humored by Foggy's remark.

“What about both ?” Matt interjects “I can’t explain it, Foggs.. there’s something about her..”

“So you’re attracted to her?”

“No.. o well yes… o well I meant.. I couldn’t exactly read her…it was intriguing”

Foggy didn’t seem to be fully following.

“She was clearly attracted to you too mate.. especially with you using that charm”

Matt shakes his head, that wasn’t the point he was trying to get across. It was mostly obvious (y/n) was attracted to him, her heartbeats increasing and the temperature of her skin getting hotter too. Yet, she didn’t even dare to take a risk at him that night. Not one word, not even a playful tone, it’s like she is holding herself back. Matt could also sense her being overstimulated by the environment yet did not falter to smile once.

“I’m not sure how to explain it…”

He thinks back at the conversation he couldn’t help but to ear drop, as he learned she was the one taking care of her mother.

“I just feel she may also need our help”. 

Foggy stands up as he lets out a chuckle, patting Matt's shoulder.

“I think you’re just trying to justify yourself in here “, as he’s about to leave the room he gives Matt a look “Just try to drop the virtuous vigilante stuff for once and have some fun all right ?” 

Matt resigns as he simply nods

“I will Foggs I will… see ya tomorrow”

As Matt is now alone in his office, he wonders if he should be the one to call back.

The memory of her sweet perfume, soft voice and nervous chuckles returns to his mind again.

All night he could sense her going back and forth serving clients, as he had hoped he could have talked to her more.

Guess that’ll stay a mystery 

Suddenly the phone rings, and Matt is surprised someone had called in so late

“Nelson and Murdock ?”

“Matt is that you.. I don’t know if you remember but you gave me that card… at Josie’s ?”

It was her voice. He freezes for a second until he continues with a nonchalant tone.

“(y/n) glad to hear you.. listen it's late now but we could continue this conversation tomorrow afternoon if you’re free” 

The voice on the other side of the line hesitates slightly but continues.

“I’ll be working… but I could do a cup of coffee during my lunch break “

“Any place in mind or-

“What about Owls Cafe, its not to far from my  job”

Matt liked her decisiveness

“Works for me… then meet ya there at 12 all right ?”

 “All right… goodnight Matt”

“Goodnight”

He hangs as a little smirk appears on his face.

This girl had piqued his curiosity indeed. 

[godtoga]

13, BakuDabi

Thank you Bon c: I’ve never written this ship before but this was fun

Ship: bakudabi

Prompt: 13. cutting through bindings

Additional Notes: Injured Character + Restraints + Enemies with a Spark + PH!Bakugou + Explicit Language

Bakugou’s own weight works against him as he hangs limply from the wall. One eye is swollen shut, and his mouth stings any time he tries to curse the bastards who put him here.

A villain is one thing, but a sneaky one? He better be on the run because as soon as Bakugou wiggles himself free, he’s going to kill him for this.

As soon as that, huh?

Bakugou doesn’t know how long he’s been here, but he’s sure it’s been long enough that the pain in his ribs and legs has almost stopped getting on his nerves.

He tries to jerk his hand free so he can blow himself out, but these goddamned quirk suppressant cuffs might have been worth the money these bastards paid for them. Good job, Hatsume, you finally got one.

He’s not getting out of this, is he?

Bakugou snarls and spits out a mouthful of blood and kicks his feet across the sandy concrete floor, and he thinks then that if he has to chew his own hands off like a rat to get out if here then fine. So be it.

The light flickers ahead, and he looks up in time to see the door close with his one good eye, and a familiar silhouette approaches just as the scent of something charred fills his nose.

A mixture of dread and something else fills his chest, but Bakugou refuses to let either show on his face.

“What?” Dabi says. “Not happy to see me?”

Welp. One outta two ain’t bad.

Bakugou spits again, this time for sport.

“You come to kill me, bastard?”

“Nah,” he says, pulling out a knife, and Bakugou locks his eyes onto it like a caged animal. “And you can’t really go around calling people that when you know who their fathers are.”

“Heh. Don’t give a shit who your daddy is, you’re still a bastard.”

Dabi hums and points his knife at him, underhanded and lazy. “That’s fair.”

“I’m not scared of that,” Bakugou says.

“Me neither.”

Bakugou frowns because that was a stupid thing for the person holding the knife to say, but the next thing he knows, Dabi is sawing through the duct tape around his wrist like he’s skinning a bear.

“The fuck are you doing?”

“Gettin’ the trash off the wall,” he says casually as one of Bakugou’s arms fall free.

“Why?”

“I’ve decided to take my job as Shouto’s big brother seriously,” he says. “Tell him I said hi for me.”

“You’re out of your fucking mind.”

Dabi laughs. “You’re probably right about that.”

Bakugou considers swinging his free arm, capped hand and all, at Dabi’s head, but instead he watches curiously as he cuts him free.

It’s not a clean job. Dabi nicks the skin a few times, probably on purpose, but a few minutes later, Bakugou is leaning against the wall for balance, but he’s free.

Well.

Almost.

Dabi flicks the knife closed and shoves it in his pocket.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Dabi raises his eyebrows, and Bakugou raises one of his muted hands.

“Oh, did you actually want to die? Because you could’ve saved me a lot of time just now.”

“Excuse me?”

“I take those off, you do something stupid, and I roast you alive before your feet hit the floor,” he says before his lips curl into a smile. “Or were you planning to be good for me.”

Bakugou shoves past him and sucks his teeth. “Oh, fuck off.”

Dabi roars a laugh, and Bakugou does a gesture as close to flipping him off as he can with his hands neutered.

“See you next Saturday,” he sings, and Bakugou exhales, annoyed.

“Don’t be late this time,” he says without looking back over his shoulder.

“Miss me already?”

“Fuck off, idiot,” he scoffs, turning back. “Your sister busts her ass every week for those dinners, and if I have to hear her cry again about how you’re not coming because your family was never meant to have some bullshit happy ending, I’ll pluck every last one of your staples out myself.”

Dabi’s eyebrows raise, aghast, but just for a moment before a casual smile rests on his stupid, shithead, smuglord ass of a face. “Now how are you gonna do that with your hands like that?”

“You know I can still hit you like this, right? I don’t need my quirk to knock your stupid ass out.”

“Isn’t your rib broken?”

“Maybe,” he says. “What’s it to ya?”

Dabi walks towards him, and Bakugou takes a cautious step back.

The corner of Dabi’s mouth twitches.

“Go home, Kats,” he says quietly, and he turns and leaves, pointing towards the exit without another word.

Bakugou blinks quickly with his one good eye, and he turns to leave, not quite sure what to think about a villain using his given name.

No, not just a villain.

Shouto’s brother.

And he just got him out of here.

[brianwashere]

I posted 1,313 times in 2022

That's 1,313 more posts than 2021!

125 posts created (10%)

1,188 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sunsyfish

@auntvamp

@meantforinfinitesadness

@pukicho

@melonsharks

I tagged 129 of my posts in 2022

#brian’s untagged thoughts - 31 posts

#fanfic - 31 posts

#fanfic writing - 28 posts

#marvel - 26 posts

#matt murdock - 18 posts

#daredevil - 17 posts

#matt murdock x reader - 14 posts

#marvel x male reader - 14 posts

#male reader - 13 posts

#daredevil x reader - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 72 characters

#you may call me crazy now but when it comes true you’ll call me a profit

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Dawg Istg this took so long like—agh. But it’s done and the idea is out of my head now.

I’m actually really proud of it please like it

**I do not own any characters or part of the franchise from DC or Batman**

Pairing: batfam x poc!son!reader

Genre: found family and a lil sprinkle of angst but it ends up alright

Summary: Alrighty what do people thing about a one shot with a teen poc male reader ( older than Damian but younger than Tim ) and the Batfam. It’s the reader’s first time it this large fancy private school and they keep getting bullied for their ethnicity. By the end of the day a group of bullies writes in sharpie “go back to where you came from” and the reader doesn’t do anything for a few weeks but then on of the batbros finds out and they get super mad. Confrontation then it’s got a happy ending and stuff.

Tw: racism, no slur use but degrading comments about race, bullying

Maybe I’ll stick around

You didn’t know what to expect when Bruce Wayne, the prince of Gotham, adopted you. You’d lived years on the street and ran away from all of your foster homes at least once.

You definitely weren’t expecting him to put you in the same high class snobby rich kid school as his two youngest sons. When you asked why you were going to a “rich bitch school” he told you that you were his son now and that meant you didn’t get any different treatment than his own kids.

What a bunch of bullshit. You’re obviously just a charity case. You saw the article in the paper the day after you were officially adopted.

“Bruce Wayne adopts immigrant teenage boy”

You weren’t an immigrant.

You hated the media. Whatever. Soon he’s gunna realize how “troubled” you are and send you back to another home. You’ll run away from there too. You’ll run until they catch and deport you because, apparently, you’re an immigrant.

Your first day of school started out relatively normal. You tried to sleep in but Dick was still staying over and dragged you out of bed. That left you no choice but to get dressed into your uniform. Alfred had cooked you breakfast but you didn’t want any then he drove you, Damian, and Tim to school.

Tim looked like hell. Literal hell. His hair looked like it had never seen a hairbrush and the bags under his eyes could make Louis Vuitton jealous.

See the full post

380 notes - Posted April 22, 2022

#4

Dad!Matt struggling to communicate with his nonverbal autistic son while he is overestimated

Hello hello hello. Back again with another fic! Btw my friend with autism proof read this to make sure it was accurate and not offensive so yaaaaaayyyyyy.

**I do not own any characters or part of the franchise from Daredevil**

Pairing: father!Matt Murdock x autistic!son!reader!

Genre: slight angst but ends with comfort

Summary: go to req

Tw: cussing, overstimulation, Matt sorta snaps at his son :(

All Too Much

It was a humid day. Too humid. Gross. Muggy. It made your clothes stick to your skin and made your hair damp. It made you want to gag.

Matt had to take you to work this Saturday. You didn’t really mind because you liked Foggy and Karen but the office smelled horrible and the color hurt your eyes. You sighed and flapped the hand that wasn’t being held by your dad.

“Almost there, Jr, c’mon.” Your dad seemed distracted, which means he couldn’t pay attention to what you were signing in his hand.

Not that you really could anyway; one of your hands was holding his. His phone was in his pocket which meant you couldn’t use the text to speech app he downloaded for you.

You two stopped in front of his law firm. He buzzed in opened the door, gesturing for you to go in. As soon as you walked in the smell of the neighboring offices hit you. The scent of smoke and mold and the feel of the dust brushing your face made you gag. You looked at your father. You wanted to tell him you didn’t wanna be in here.

“Alright Jr, up we go. I’m running late.” He picked up his walking stick and began jogging up the stairs.

You watched him and took a deep breath before following him up the stairs. You bit your bottom lip hard.

Every possible sense was immediately flooded with too much information.

The phone ringing. People talking. Papers flicking. All the different smells of individual people. Cigarette smoke coming in through the window from a neighboring office. The underlying stench of mold. The sun was too bright. The paint on the walls reflected a horrible color due to the light. Suddenly your once soft shirt’s collar gripped your neck too tight. It felt like every fibre of the shirt was rubbing just the wrong way on your arm hairs, your skin. There was a gross taste of sweat mixed with the copper taste from your now bleeding lip.

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381 notes - Posted June 5, 2022

#3

Hello there, simps. I am here to give you ✨smut✨. I actually wasn’t really planning on posting this but then my lovely friend encouraged me to…so here we are—

**i do not own any franchise or characters from Daredevil**

Shameless teasing

Pairing: Bottom!Matt Murdock x top!m!reader

Warnings: smut, top reader, m!reader

Smut under the cut!!!

◈𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 ◈

You. You. You. That’s the only thing Matt can think of. You stretching him out with two fingers as he clenches. He’s already rock hard just from some foreplay.

He whimpers as you barely brush his prostate. God, he wanted to scream. He wanted to make the most sinful noises in hopes of pleasing you.

“God, please—I just—“ Matt was interrupted by a moan when you hit his prostate again, that drove him over the edge “PLEASE JUST FUCK ME ALREADY—please please please please please.”

“Aw baby, who am I to deny such a humble request?” You replied cooly.

You pulled your fingers out of him slowly, deliberately. He let out another small whimper; it was pathetic and high pitched. You’re heart curled with something—arousal. You rested your tip on his rim.

“Ready, baby cakes?”

“Yes, daddy.” He breathed out.

You pushed into him gently until you bottomed out.

“Tell me when.” You said as you massaged his thighs tenderly.

“Now. Please—God, now…” he was so desperate.

You pulled out and slammed into him with so much force he was knocked from his elbows to flat on his face. He didn’t have the energy to get up.

See the full post

427 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

#2

Okie dokie here I am again. Another batbro reader insert lol. I wrote this cause I wanted to write and also cause I looked at how MASSIVE the Wayne manor is.

**I do not own any characters or part of the franchise from DC or Batman**

Pairing: Damian Wayne x older!brother!reader

Genre: found family fluff stuff

Summary: Damian noticed his older brother gets anxious around people so he decided to show him a secret

Trigger warnings: mentions of social anxiety and being overwhelmed

A Small Secret

Damian sighed with feigned annoyance as he dragged you by the hand through the halls of Wayne Manor.

“You really are just as stupid as I thought you were.” He lied.

“Yeah yeah talk it up Mr. ‘I don’t know how to work Snapchat.’” You mocked.

Damian scoffed but remained quiet.

Victory.

“You said you get anxious and overwhelmed when a lot of people come over, even if you know them.” Damian stated.

“Yes I…did.” You were confused how that played into him dragging you to a far wing of the manor.

When you got to a bookshelf he stopped.

“Wow. A bookshelf. Congratulations Damian, I think you found the cure to my social anxiety.” Sarcasm dripped from your words.

“It’s not just a bookshelf.” He said as he pulled a book from the shelf.

The book shelf opened on its hinges and revealed a small cozy library.

“What? This is…” You trailed off.

See the full post

512 notes - Posted April 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Imagine

Puppy eyes

Ok so I was watching Daredevil and realized how frikin different Matt looked with and without his glasses. With glasses he’s a super cool handsome bastard and without them he’s just this puppy lookin dude.

**I do not own any characters or part of the franchise from Daredevil**

Pairing: Matt Murdock x gn!reader

Genre: fluff, pure light hearted stuff

Tw: none really, beginning of a make out session but not too much detail about it. Sorta implied sexual content(???)

Imagine you and Matt just starting out in a relationship and your having your first make out session at his place. You take his glasses off and you realize it’s the first time you’ve seen him with no glasses. You just sort of stare at his puppy face for a second. He gets really confused ( and worried ) though because he can hear your heartbeat increase. When he asks you what’s wrong you just sort of giggle and cup his face in your hands and whisper “you look like a puppy” to which he blushes and laughs the purest laugh you’ve ever heard

It was dark outside. You were sitting on Matt’s lap, gently kissing him. You shifted and he groaned slightly. You pulled away, gasping for breath.

“You might wanna take these off.” You chuckled and reached for his red lenses.

He closed his eyes when you pulled them off. You folded them and reached to set them on the small table beside the couch. You returned and cupped his face before realizing something and stopping.

You stared at him with wide eyes. Gently tracing his jaw absentmindedly. His eyes were looking off to the side and his face knit together into a look of worry.

“Is…everything ok?” He asked quietly. The concern was evident in his tone.

“Yeah, yeah…everything is fantastic it’s just—I’ve never seen your eyes before…” You continue to look at the beautiful color of them.

“You look like a puppy” You whispered in a giggle.

His face recoils a bit and his eyes widen before it relaxes and he laughs. Such a sweet and beautiful laugh.

“I’ll keep that in mind whenever I need to beg for something from you.” He chuckles. “Ok ok, let’s get back to it.”

“Whatever you want, Puppy.”

903 notes - Posted March 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[flashbackonyourbehalf]

Back on the roommate rant!

I’ve befriended one of the people who works at my apartment’s office (he’s a trans guy who used to work with my ex-husband, he’s technically one of my landlords but he’s chill). We’ll call him E. Once E learned that I was bedridden from re-injuring my back, he offered to help around the house, drive me places, and even bring a homemade meal for me.

I’ve had him come over and hang out once last week. He was an enormous help.

My roommate (who has been sleeping on my couch for six months now and will hopefully get back on her feet soon) expressed unease at E’s presence because if he found out she was staying here, she’d become homeless again. While her concern is valid, I assured her I’d keep it a secret from E.

E texted me yesterday that the homemade lasagna was ready and that he would drop it off before work this (Saturday morning) (it’s currently 4:40am, this convo happened last night). I let my roommate know that she’d need to wake up and go on a walk at that time to avoid him (which is unfortunate bc it’s her day off but I figured she’d prefer that over getting kicked out).

She was NOT happy. At her request, I reassured her TWICE that in the future Id ask E for a little more heads up so that I can plan this on one of the days she works, and then she fucking accused me of playing games bringing E around “all the time” in order to slowly push her out, and that if I wanted her gone, I “should just say so.”

I was appalled. First of all, E hung out ONCE. I hate when people intentionally exaggerate to prove a point in an argument. Secondly, I thought she’d know me well enough by now to know that I don’t do that neurotypical game of thrones bullshit where everything you say and do is like a high-stakes game of chess to get what you want. In the past, she’s accused me of implying things during arguments and I’m like ??? I don’t even know HOW to do that. I’m an autistic fuck and I mean what I say. I accepted E’s offer for help because he can provide help that my roommate unfortunately cannot provide. Nothing more to it. And keep in mind I already reassured her TWICE that I’d try to avoid this in the future.

I wasted four years of my life with someone who made me feel crazy bc they intentionally misconstrued everything I did and accused me of playing games and I have NO time or energy for people like that in my life. I told her that, if that’s truly how she thinks, she needs to leave immediately because things are only gonna get worse from here.

She started backpedaling immediately and apologized for the misunderstanding and blamed it on being hormonal and while I appreciate the apology, I’m sorry but I’ve dealt with female hormones my ENTIRE LIFE. They cause mood swings and emotional outbursts, they do NOT cause this. I didn’t say so, as she apologized and it was the end of the conversation, but I’m still fuming.

I need her fucking gone.

[marylandlifecoaching]

Squirrel

I get it now. It is amazing that all the things that we thought we would never do, or would never happen to us, most certainly do. Getting older. Both a blessing and a curse. I was literally in the middle of something and totally forgot what I was doing. Squirrel! Son of a bitch, it is happening more and more often. But wait, there’s more…

I would like to think that I didn’t make fun of my elders growing up. But kids will be kids. I know I did. And I don’t think pay back is a bitch. Nor do I believe in karma. Life just keeps on lif-ing. Can’t stop the train. Better learn to embrace change pretty quick. Because change is the only thing that is certain. So open your arms and take it in.

There is so much change as we become older. The things that used to excite me, yeah…I don’t give a fuck about anymore. You know what is exciting to me at age 59? A long nap after a good meal, followed by some wife time in the evening. That’s it. Doesn’t take much to make this boy happy. I’m not sure all people my age feel this way. After all, I’ve had a pretty amazing life filled with love, travel, and lots of money. But the flip side of that coin is horrific loss as well. But I digress.

Getting older {at least for me} has better equipped me to dance while I am on this planet. But again, I’ve been meditating for almost my entire life, so not sure my age group feels the same way? But we have more pains in our bodies and are tired of the bullshit. We are unapologetic and we do not settle. But I have to admit when you forget something while you’re doing it, is a little….squirrel!

I am sure there was a point to this article, but it’s 10:00 on a Saturday morning. So if you would excuse me, I am late for my nap.

[icanonlybe-human]

This weekend has been a roller coaster of emotions and I’m confused and tired of it.

Friday was a bad day. I think I wrote here that day? But I honestly can’t remember. The days blend and mesh with each other and my dreams.

Saturday was a weird day. I wasn’t good but I wasn’t bad. It was so, so nice to see mum and nan, and we had a really big hug when I snuck up on them in the foyer. Mum even went to the effort of getting me an Easter goodie bag that had my favourite chips and popcorn and SO much chocolate (I’m going to share it around because it’s genuinely too much for me). But she also included a cute little “happy Easter” decorative piece, same necklaces based around the idea that onyx is for strength and amethyst is for peace. Plus a little keychain bunny which is really cute but needs surgery because it has a pretty big tear in the back.

And then Dad showed up. I had to make him give me a hug, and you could tell he was pissed (for context they got scammed in accommodation and paid 700 bucks for a place that doesn’t exist, so are trying to get their money back). He soured the room the entire time they were here, and made it really hard to talk. I think it was also hard for him being in one of the places that he called a “loony bin” for so long. I still want to have a talk with him but he hasn’t given me the chance to talk privately.

It honestly kinda sucked having them visit in the room. It’s 4 hours, Mum and dad have their heads in their phones, Nan can’t hear for shit and there’s not much we can talk about because Dad makes every conversation about him or mum asks me about how I’m “doing in [my]self” of which I have to answer awkwardly because I don’t want to give too much detail to worry her again.

It’s nice when we go out though. I think the big mood changer is that in my room, it’s obvious I’m in a ward, even if it’s a good looking one. But out there, they forget. I hide my tag and we act like we’re just out for tea in Melbourne and it’s nice. But it’s also exhausting going out into the real world, and I hate the fact that I have to act like I’m not a psych ward patient in order to have a normal conversation with my parents.

We saw Aunty N and Uncle Bo for dinner, and honestly, I wanted to lean in for a hug from Aunty N just as much as a hug from Mum. That’s never happened before. I think it’s the fact that she actually understands. Hell, she even made me realise that what I was feeling leading up to seeing my parents wasn’t excitement, it was anxiety. When Bo and N came to visit, I was excited. Basically bounced out of the lift. When AB said she’d visit, I got excited and then depressed when I realised she wasn’t coming. MC? Even though we haven’t been best friends for a long time, excited. But every other person is accepting of me being in here. Mum has been worrying herself sick, Nan didn’t really know what she was walking into and Dad? Well, he’s… him.

And tomorrow, we’re going to lunch with some ex army friends who used to add to my mental health problems back in the day. Literally pushed me to the point once where I got so overwhelmed I cried over spilt milk. They don’t believe in mental health problems, and think only people who have seen war shit should have PTSD. So I have to hide my tag, and not tell stories about my current situation, and try to avoid questions and paste a smile on and act like everything is normal.

But another part of me wants to say “fuck that and fuck them. Fuck society for making me act this way”. Who knows, I might just scream to the world that I’m a psych ward patient and laugh at their reactions. Because I have, quite frankly, had enough of this bullshit.

[tangiblejournal56]

11/21/11

“I’d rather be watching ‘Annie Hall’ with you than be this drunk right now.”

Max sent me this message a few minutes ago, it’s around 2:30 in the afternoon.  I’m on break at work & he is very drunk ay his house with some girl named Brianna.  My automatic jealousy mollified by his sweet message, whether or not that was his intention in sending it, whether or not she is even someone to be jealous over in the first place.  If he did indeed send it for that purpose, then I do have something to worry about, as it seems he wouldn’t have bothered if not out of guilt.  He is not one to send sentimental messages for no reason but plain sentimentality.  But I have no rights to this pervading jealousy, he is not beholden to me & it is not as though I’ve gone these six months without my own attention from the opposite sex.  I should be happy for him that he’s putting himself out there, romantically.  Though I know I’ll never honestly be entirely happy for him on that front.  But I will not show any jealousy, he does not deserve punishment for this.

Saturday night I went with Chloē & David to Emo’s to see Between the Buried & Me play.  Metal shows in Austin versus metal shows in Des Moines, there is no contest.  Des Moines wins, hands down.  There was no heart at this show, no enthusiasm, no excitement.  Too many hipsters with their hands in their pockets, thinking it too lame to show their enjoyment at seeing a great band.  In Iowa everyone throws themselves at each other & the band, moving to the music with the abandon of children at a theme park.  None of this mock-adult jaded stoicism.  To my opinion, that is exactly how going to a metal or hardcore show should be, an abandonment of all neuroses & pretensions, a losing of one’s self to the crowd & music, everyone joining to create one large pulsating organism.  It should be a release, not a putting on of your defenses.  In any case, I got drunk on gin & tonic & beer & ignored the cold crowd.  The band played intensely, moving me, & I longed for Shawn to be at my side, he who would not have cared about the bullshit crowd & would have been openly thrilled to see one of his favorite bands.

It was interesting also to see Chloē & David out of work, free to let their illicit relationship thrive in the open.  They’re rather charming together, well-fit in their odd way.  He is not the asshole I’d originally believed him to be, & I’ve grown quite fond of her in the past couple of months.  The realization that I will actually miss them.

Turns out this Brianna girl is no one to fret over, “She’s not the type you fool around with,” he says, “if you know what I mean.  She’s just fun.”  A reassuring description.  Knowing this I am now especially touched by his sentimental message.  Over this time apart he seems to have become more vocal in expressing his warm & fuzzy feelings toward me (ones I knew existed but he didn’t feel needed said aloud).  That he’s actually saying them aloud makes me suspect that these feelings have intensified in my absence, possibly due directly to my absence.  I need to remind myself that I tend to build these things up to pure fantasy & end up projecting this fantasy on him & become resentful when he doesn’t play the role I try to force him into.  Probably Max just misses me because I am his best friend, & all of his affection for me is purely platonic.  There is still great thrill in this, that the person I hold in the highest regard misses me, of all the people he could choose to surround himself with.  A thundering pleasure comes over me & he is still the most exciting person I know.  Exactly a week from today & I will be next to him again, a part of his world, probably watching “Annie Hall” while he drinks & becomes sentimental.  And, if I’m very, very lucky, maybe he will kiss me again & wrap his arms around me, & I will long for nothing more than that ever again.