#Happy 10 years of TLOU!!! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gracieheartspedro · 2 months ago

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Dagger In The Heart

pairing: ellie williams x afab! reader

post about palestine - please be aware and know who your content comes from. this post informs you about the tlou writers and creators, as well as how to help the Palestinian people.

word count: 6.1k words

warnings: MINORS DNI!!! 18+ ty!!! abusive relationship mentioned, reader's bf is a cheating asshole, calls her names, makes comments about weight, talks of cheating, some lowkey cheating from reader, sharing clothes with ellie, ellie is 18+ but her age not specified, talks of hardly eating food at dinner, reader is a bit confused with her sexuality and wants to explore (which is fine!!! and normal!!!), wlw relations, pussy eating, fingering, tribbing, tattoos? lots of tattoos, dirty talk, reader being a bit desperate, getting caught (but not really), mentions of a strap, men being drunk and stupid. that's it. I think.

description: when you get the chance to meet your asshole boyfriend’s family, you take a liking to his sister, ellie. when a conversation about her tattoos turns into talks of what you’re really into, you can’t help but want to explore it more.

author’s note: hi girls, gays, and theys! I am so happy to be bringing this request to you. it was an anon request from july and I just suck at getting my life together to actually write. but here we are. FYI, I don't condone this behavior or cheating. anyway I hope you enjoy. I will also be putting this on my ao3 soon, so if you see it there, don't worry, it's just me (;

“You gotta chill, babe. Your anxiety is giving me anxiety.”

He was never very good with comforting you, so you bite back your snappy comment and just fake a smile.

You had been dating your boyfriend Matt for almost a year. You two met in your college biology class and really bonded over your love for folk music and Greek food. He had kind eyes, mousy brown hair and the brightest smile you had ever seen.

At first, you thought this was the best relationship you ever could ask for, but Matt grew distant after four months together. You didn’t know why, but his temper had shown itself one too many times. He fought with you constantly. He was quite jealous. You could never be seen with another boy without accusations of cheating. But every time you two argued, he always came back with an apology and a bouquet of flowers. You could not help but believe you could fix him.

It had been 10 months, you had to brave meeting his family. Unlike you, his family lived two towns over and he visited them quite often. He was close to his younger brother and mom, so he made a point to see them as much as he could.

He brought up the idea of meeting them back around the holidays, but you were planning to board a flight and visit your family across the country. He understood but was pretty disappointed you could not try his mom’s infamous pumpkin pie.

You had no excuse when summer came. So here you are, standing with him at his childhood home’s front door as he scrambled to find his keys.

You were sporting something more dressed up than your normal. Matt loved this one black dress on you, so you decided to wear that with some cute flats. You were sorely regretting the shoe decision, the pointed-toed shoes squeezed your big toe and the arch was not high enough to be comfortable.

He unlocks the deadbolt and the red door jolts open. You are instantly met with the scent of BBQ and cornbread. His childhood is cozy and lived in. The entrance is lined with shoes, everything from high heels to sneakers that have run through countless puddles. It was a sigh of relief, they were a no-shoes in the house family. You kick off your uncomfortable shoes, holding on to Matt’s shoulder for balance.

His mom is the first one to enter the hallway to meet you two at the door. She is quite beautiful, her hair darker than Matt’s. She was shorter, wearing a nice blouse and jeans. She welcomes you both with a bear hug and cheers of excitement. When she pulls you out of the embrace, she gets a better look at you.

“You are more beautiful in person, pictures do not do your gorgeous smile justice,” She remarks, squeezing your hands.

You shake your head, trying your best not to let out that you are beyond nervous about this entire encounter. “You are too kind, thank you so much for hosting us.”

“Come meet the crew!”

Matt eyes meet yours, noticing how tense you are. You had hoped for him to hold your hand and guide you through this experience, but instead he just nudges you with his shoulder. He brushes by, heading after his mom.

The hallway opens into a kitchen and living room, which is littered with random strangers who, in some way, resemble your boyfriend.

His brother, Collin, stands up first from the barstools, racing over to your boyfriend to dap him up. When he glances your way, you just smile and introduce yourself. He extends his hand to shake yours, which you gladly accept.

His dad is next to stand up from a recliner in the living room. He makes your acquaintance quickly, telling you he’s so glad to finally meet you after months of hearing all about you.

When he moves away from in front of you, she comes into focus. You had not even noticed her sitting on the couch across the room.

She’s slender, her dark locks framing her chiseled jawline. She looks like Matt, but more like a person who belongs in a Renaissance painting. Her eyes are a more dimensional brown. She has freckles scattered around her pale complexion, which only added her beauty.

You do not realize you are gawking until Matt nudges you. “This is my sister, Ellie.”

You blink again, bringing your focus back to the situation. She extends her hand, and that’s when you take notice to her tattoo-filled arms. Her tank top raises a bit and you catch a glance of her midriff, exposing more tattoos littering her abdomen.

“Nice to meet ya. Heard plenty about you.”

You swallow, taking her hand and shaking it. “I hope good things.”

“No, I only tell her the worst things about you.”

Everyone giggles except you and Ellie. Luckily it is filling the room with enough noise to drown out your thoughts about your boyfriend’s beautiful sister.

Ellie rolls her eyes before whispering, “Don’t worry, it’s only ever good things, sweet cheeks.”

Matt’s dad loves to talk and you can tell it annoys Ellie. You were seated outside on their patio set, drinking some homemade lemonade Matt’s mom was adamant you had. He was helping her with all the sides that were still yet to be made, so you took up Ellie’s offer to check out the backyard space. You did not expect Matt’s dad to come with you two and tell you all about the flower beds he curated.

But you listened, smiling and nodding while sipping on your tart drink.

He got occupied with grilling, so you and Ellie were left on the couch near a very used and abused firepit.

You wait for her to say something. She was truly making you nervous, her eyes trailing you every so often.

“So, you and Matt met in science class?”

You finally look back at her wandering eyes, “Yeah, he was my biology partner.”

“Gotcha,” She leans forward, putting her elbows on her knees. You do not know what comes over you, but you cannot physically pull your eyes away from her arms as they flex. “You good?”

“I like your tattoos,” You barely manage to say, “They are… hot.”

You want to jump into the unlit firepit for that one.

No other adjective came to your horny mind? Really?

She giggles, enjoying watching you practically squirm under her gaze. “Thanks, dude. My ex girlfriend was a tattoo artist so I let her practice on me.”

You remember a moment about 5 months ago when Matt mentioned his sister being gay, but for some reason, you finally connect that duh it’s Ellie, you fucking idiot.

You also remember some choice words he had about her. You remember cringing when he called her a slur and said she could not keep a girl to save her life. You held your tongue and refused to reply.

“That’s awesome,” You scoot closer to her, bridging more of the gap between you two on the couch, “Which one is your favorite?”

She smiles at your intrusion into her space and questions. You realize you two are almost sizing each other up, right in front of her family, your boyfriend’s family. They could easily peek outside of the kitchen windows and see you two eye fucking each other. She leans back, her eyes tracing all the tattoos on her arms.

Then she laughs. A deep guttural laugh.

“What?”

“Nothing,” She brings her front teeth down on her bottom lip before speaking up again, “It’s a tattoo I can’t show you.”

“Why not?”

She looks towards the window, checking on her brother and mom. Her expression changes when she turns back to you.

“Because I’m not pulling my tits out in front of my family.”

Your pussy practically pulses when you hear her say it. What is wrong with you? You are dating her brother. What is wrong with you?!

“Your… boobs are tattooed?”

She nods slowly, bringing her one hand up to your bare exposed thigh, “Bet that shakes a sweet one like you to your core.”

The comment insinuates that you are an innocent little girl who knows nothing about the world. And sure Matt is your first real boyfriend. Sure he was the first person ever to eat you out because your high school crushes did not even know that was a thing. Sure you never have been sexually promiscuous. Sure you thought you were straight.

Sure.

But something inside you was crawling its way out. This small interaction with your asshole boyfriend’s sister was enough to send you into a spiral. You never gave a girl a chance so how were you supposed to know you did not like it?

“What if your family wasn’t around?”

Ellie is gobsmacked by your comment, her jaw practically hitting the floor. You can tell she realized she was flying too close to the sun. She pulls her hand away from your leg.

“You are my brother’s girlfriend. I am not going to be the one to corrupt you,” She states, scooting over a bit away from you. Your cheeks get flushed, instantly feeling embarrassed for asking such a question. But the more you sat in silence, the more you realized that you really did not care. The feelings Ellie made you feel within the last 10 minutes were more exciting than any feeling Matt had given you in 10 months.

You clear your throat, “Luckily for you, Ellie, you would not be the one to corrupt me. That has already been done.”

She looks at you quizzically, “Is that so?”

“Yeah, I may look sweet and innocent,” You creep in close to her, “But I am really a freak.”

Now you are just lying.

Before she can utter a word, Matt’s brother comes out to let you two know dinner was done. You hope and pray he didn’t take notice to how close you two were. Or how Ellie stared at your ass as you walked away.

You sit between Matt and Ellie at the table.

Every so often during the meal, you would place your hand on Matt’s leg. He would push you away, rolling his eyes when you glared at him. When the conversation came around to him, he would find a way to demean you and then continue blabbing about school or his internship.

You answered questions from his mom and dad, but you were sorely uninterested in them. But then the conversation comes around as to whether you two would be staying the night tonight. At this point, Matt had already had four beers, and you knew he probably would not want you driving his new Mustang.

“You can take Matt’s bed and he can sleep on the couch,” His mom suggests, indicating that you two would not be sleeping together. You understood that they were a bit more traditional, but you were not expecting to sleep in your boyfriend's childhood bed without him.

“That’s a great idea, Ma. We can stay, right?”

You look at the plate of practically untouched food in front of you. You just nod, finally saying, “As long as you give me some comfy sweatpants to wear.”

“Mine are all back at my apartment, but I’m sure Ellie has something you could borrow. Plus, you probably wouldn’t fit my sweatpants.”

Matt constantly made comments about your figure and how he could not share clothes with you. He refused to share his clothes with you, stating that you would not be able to squeeze into them and you also “left your scent on everything”.

God, he made you feel terrible about yourself.

Butterflies erupt in your stomach when you think about wearing Ellie’s clothes, though, and you completely drown out the separate conversation happening around the table. You feel a hand creep up your thigh, but it's not coming from the side you expect.

Her hand is so soft and delicate as it creeps up your leg. You cannot help but glance at her direction, catching her smiling over at you.

“Don’t worry, I got something you can wear.”

Dinner finishes up and Matt expresses that he wants to go for a round of drinks with his high school friends and brother at the local tavern down the street. He never asks if you want to go, telling you “It would just be high school friends that you don’t know, anyway.”

He tells you that his Mom and Ellie would get you all set up. He gives you a pat on the back, and heads to the door, right behind his brother. You watch him leave and almost breathe a sigh of relief.

When you turn back, you see his Mom already going upstairs.

“I’m gonna get your bed all set up and then I’m probably going to retire to my bed, too.” She states, slowly making her way up the wooden staircase.

You wanted to scream because this only meant one thing. You were alone with Ellie.

You follow her up the stairs and look around the hallway. She heads to the right and begins pointing at the only room with the light on. You didn’t even know that Ellie was upstairs.

“Have Ellie get you something to wear, I’ll make up your bed!”

The door swings open and Ellie stands there, having changed into her own bedtime clothes. And for fucks sake, she’s not making this easy for you.

She is sporting a tight white tank, no bra, and shorts that ride up to the very tops of her thighs. Her legs are tattooed as well, but not as much as her arms. There isn’t a touch of her freckled skin that isn’t marked with art. You can almost see through her shirt, making your mouth go dry.

“Let’s see what you fit into!”

She lets you into her space. Her room is decorated with posters of space and heavy metal bands. From the looks of one corner of her room, she’s an artist. She has different art styles, anywhere from charcoal to watercolors, littering a desk and her walls. It’s messy, but it’s not dirty. It smells like incense and clean laundry.

She walks over to her dresser, opens up the top drawer. Everything is neatly folded, which kind of surprises you.

“I have some sweatpants, shorts, boxers-“

“Sweatpants are fine,” You retort, not wanting her to list off anything else, “Do you have any t-shirts I could wear?”

“Well of course I do, sweet cheeks. What do you want, loose or tight?”

You stare at her dumbfounded. You know what she’s doing. And you hate yourself for liking it so much.

She pulls out a pair of navy blue sweatpants, still waiting for your reply.

“Loose.”

She starts to dig through another drawer when Matt’s mom pops her head in.

“It’s all set up for you, sweetheart. If you need anything, you let one of us know. I’m going to downstairs if you need me.”

You smile, thankfully. “Thank you so much, Mrs. Williams.”

“If she needs anything, I’m sure I could help her find her way,” Ellie says, absentmindedly. She pulls out a white t-shirt from her drawer and tosses it at you.

“Goodnight, girls!”

And then you two are alone. Ellie slowly saunters to her door and shuts it.

“You can get dressed here. Just make sure what I gave you fits.”

You silently turned your back to her, tossing your hair over your shoulder. “Can you unzip me?”

You are not even thinking straight. You are so caught up with being alone with the girl you have had weird sexual tension with. She walks over to you confidently, before grabbing the top of your black dress, which lands right at the middle of your back. She pulls down the zipper, ensuring it reaches the very end of its track.

The hairs on your back stand up in her wake. You breathe deeply, before shimmying the dress off your shoulders. You were wearing a bra, so you were just going to keep it on. You step out of the dress, leaving you in just underwear and the push-up bra Matt gifted you not too long ago.

You don’t turn to her, but she just comes around to your front, nonchalantly.

“Jesus Christ,” Ellie stammers, before plopping on her bed. You shakingly step into the sweatpants she gifted you to wear, unsure how to respond. You rack your brain trying to gain the confidence you had before dinner, but your mouth is dry and your brain is dazed from seeing Ellie in her pajamas.

You finally manage to glance up at her hungry eyes, smiling softly.

“I never knew I would be jealous of my brother.”

You swallow, “Jealous?”

“Yeah, he gets to have someone like you every night and I can’t even find someone worth hanging out with around here. Never thought a nerd like him would win over a woman like you.”

You are standing in the sweatpants and your bra, not able to digest her words completely. A woman like you?

“Your brother is sweet. And we don’t have sex every night.”

“Just sweet?” She steps a bit closer to you, “And I said nothing about sex, darling, I said he gets to have you.”

She is looking at you like you are her prey. You almost fell to your knees and begged her to put you out of your misery, but you resisted. Instead, she just stands up, trying to catch your nervous glances.

“H-he, uh, does what he can, when we d-do, yanno.”

Her fingers trace up your arm, her eyes trailing as she does it. You bite the inside of your cheek, waiting for her response. She clicks her tongue a couple of times, shaking her head.

“I am sure he tries,” She sputters, standing back from you, “Do you even really like him?”

You furrow your eyebrows, suddenly snapping out of the situation you are currently in. You reflect for a moment.

Matt was an asshole but you sometimes enjoyed his company. He made you laugh on occasion. But deep down, you knew that he wasn’t made for you. He lacked emotional intelligence and made sure to put you down any chance he got. You had inklings he was talking to other girls and his friends were probably the most intolerable people on your college campus. And then there was that one time when the inklings were just.

The realization that you maybe didn’t like him made you sick. You wasted so much time and now you have met his family.

“When he’s not mean to me. When he isn’t cheating on me.” You admit quietly, almost too humiliated to say it.

She crooks her neck, “He cheated on you?”

You hate talking about it, it made you feel as though you were never good enough. He made it out that it was your fault because you would not have sex with him when you had the flu. “It was just some hand stuff, baby,” he said to you.

“Just once. I forgave him because he told me he loved me.”

“People who love you don’t hurt you like that,” Ellie says without a beat.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Is he mean to you all the time?”

You think back to the last nice thing he said to you. Your ass looks fat in that dress. And even that could be seen as a bad thing. You shake your head, trying to find a good way to paint her brother. From the looks of it, she doesn’t really like him all that much anyway.

“Most of the time.”

“So, what I’m hearing is my brother is an asshole that doesn’t know how to treat a woman both in life and in the bedroom. Is that what you’re saying?”

You stand there pondering her question, coming up with nothing. She was right, but were you ready to admit that?

So you shrug.

Ellie stands with her arms crossed now, chewing on the inside of her lip. She’s contemplating something, her eyes falling to the floor for a moment.

“Listen, I am not just saying this because it has taken everything in my power to resist sinking my teeth into you,” The first half of the sentence put your heart in your throat. Nonetheless, she carries on, “But I have an inkling that you don’t like my brother at all. I think you like girls and you’ve never had the chance to explore that. You want to say you are a freak, but you really don’t know what that even means.”

“Ellie, I d-”

“You need to break up with my brother,” She states plainly, “And then, after all is said and done, I can show what it looks like to be taken care of.”

You agree, sadly. You do need to break up with Matt. And on the basis that you believe that he’s probably at the bar hanging out with old friends, probably with other girls, probably flirting with those other girls. You decide you are not going to wait anymore. He cheated on you once, what’s stopping him now? Ellie was right about everything, and while that revelation changes your entire perspective on life, you settle on jumping head first.

“Show me now.”

You watch all the blood drain from her face. She fumbles with her inked hands, waiting for you to say you didn’t mean it. That moment never comes.

“Are you sure about that?”

Swallowing hard, you just nod. You do not even realize what you are getting yourself into, but the undeniable chemistry cannot be ignored anymore. You don’t even want to waste another thought on Matt. You know if you think too hard about it, you’ll talk yourself back into staying with him.

Ellie’s face gets closer to yours and your lips connect seamlessly. She wastes no time, bringing her hands down to your waist to pull you in. You wrap your arms around her neck while fireworks erupt in your chest.

Her lips taste like mint and a dab pen your college roommate made you hit a couple of months ago. She was borderline intoxicating.

She backs you up towards her bed, letting your knees hit the edge of the mattress. You plop down, disconnecting from her lips.

Through hooded lids, she asks you, “Do you want to see my favorite tattoo, then?”

Your breathing hitches as she does not even wait for a response, she just pulls her tank top over her head.

Each piece is connected somehow. Her stomach piece is what appeared to be a dragon flying up towards her under-boob area. It was extremely detailed and took up a large half of her upper stomach. Around her collarbones were very intricate lines that almost rain over her body like veins. They spread down her chest onto her boobs, where around her nipples were two matching daggers appearing to go through her areola.

You smirk at the idea that these are her favorite tattoos. The cheeky ones around her tits.

“Holy shit, Ellie.”

You reach out and touch her tits, ever so delicately. You use your finger to outline the daggers, smiling to yourself.

Being this close sends a pulsating feeling down to your pussy. You have never felt a lightning strike quite like it before.

She’s letting you feel her up, but when you change your tune and start pinching at her nipples, she throws her head back with a groan.

“Hmm, you should try putting one in your mouth,” She remarks, hoping to God you would be eager enough to do so. She was very in tune with you because you leaned forward taking her right nipple into your mouth. She’s guiding you around every turn, whispering how good you are doing already.

You release her with a pop and sit back. You reach around to release your own, but she stops you.

“Lemme do it,” She says mounting your lap. You place your hand on her hips while she runs her fingertips across your back. She unhooks your black bra, letting your tits spill out.

You feel the tops of your hands stand up as soon as her hands begin to knead your tits. You glance down at her movements, watching your sensitive nipples perk up due to the attention she’s giving them.

“Mmm, you like that, sweetness?”

You just groan, your lips needing to do more than just talk. You pull Ellie’s ajar mouth down to yours, diving your tongue between her teeth. You never had such a hunger for anyone else. No guy ever made you feel this way.

She nudges your shoulders, having you fall onto your back. Her lips move away from yours and start to trail down your neck and chest. When her wet mouth touches your tits, you cannot control the sounds that leave your throat. She bites down on your supple skin, which makes you groan more.

“You gotta quiet down a bit. Don’t need anyone hearing us.”

You try to manage your noises, but as soon as she starts to kiss down to the hem of the sweatpants she loaned you, you know you’ll never be quiet like she needs you to be. She tugs at the waistband, taking your underwear with it.

You are now butt naked on her bed. And god, the air is hitting the wetness between your legs is titillating.

“Listen, sweets,” She whispers, palming your thighs with her tattooed hands, “I’m going to make you cum on my tongue first. Then I am going to fuck this pussy so good, you won’t know any other cock but the fake one in my side table. You hear me?”

Your stomach is in knots, but you know that this is what you really want. “Okay, Ellie. Please do whatever you think I will like.”

“You’re gonna like it all, baby girl. And if it gets a bit dodgy, you just let me know and we can stop.”

You shake your head positively as she smiles between your legs. She starts by kissing up your thighs, keeping you completely in a trance. When her mouth finds your slit, she licks a long stripe. She takes her time, working her tongue in between your pussy lips. The wet sound that happens when she shakes her head is pornographic. When she finds your clit, she encases it and starts to suck lightly. You scream out in pleasure, never feeling this sensitive before. It usually took a whole lot of Matt lazily fingering you and fucking you to illicit such a response. Ellie is building up an orgasm within you in record time.

She uses her fingers to open up your pussy a little bit more. You instinctively want to close your legs, but her left arm has your legs locked on her bed. Her middle and index fingers curl inside you with every motion forward.

Her eyes are closed and you are laser-focused on her expressions. She’s putting her all into making you feel good and it’s relieving to watch someone put so much care into it.

You notice the small little freckles that scatter across her nose get lighter as they reach her cheekbones. She’s so fucking pretty.

“Jesus, you’re doin’ so good sweetheart. You feel so good.”

“Oh my god, Ellie, please don’t stop,” Your voice is strained, begging her to continue fucking you. She chuckles and begins to pick up speed. Your mind is cluttered, unsure how you can feel this good.

When the peripherals of your vision begin to get white, you know it’s over. She latches her lips back onto your clit, humming to drag the orgasm out of you. When it happens, your deep guttural moans get muffled by her palm.

You think your heart is going to stop beating.

Once you begin to feel your muscles relax, Ellie is crawling on top of you, hovering over your chest, her lips kissing your collarbones.

“You did such a great job, baby girl,” She dotes, her short hair falling across her forehead, “You’re so fuckin’ sexy.”

Your heart swells up a thousand sizes. You never got called that before, let alone felt sexy. But Ellie had this aura to her. She made you feel sexy, desirable, wanted.

Your hand reaches up to tuck her hair behind her ear, “Please show me more.”

She nods, before she leans back on her knees. She balances on one leg before shoving her pajama shorts down. The ink travels to every part of her body and you wonder if the ones around her hips hurt. The snakes that travel up her thighs, have their heads resting right on her hip bones.

You sit up and observe her movements, she’s fumbling with something in her drawer. She seemingly cannot find what she’s looking for and slams it shut.

“How about this,” She says with a huff, “I want you to see what it feels like to grind that pretty little pussy on mine anyway. The strap will have to wait.”

You feel the blood drain from your face, “The strap?”

She giggles at your not-so-faux innocence. “We will try that next time.”

You aren’t ready for her to grab onto your legs and move you like a rag doll around her bed. She rests her body horizontally from yours, her lower half lining up with yours. You were not sure how this worked, but you had heard of scissoring before. The technicality was lost on you.

You sit up waiting for instruction, but Ellie is so hypnotized by your wet slit, she doesn’t even look at you. You watch her reach out and touch your dripping center and it sends an electric shock down your limbs. You throw your head back, hissing at the action.

“God, that cunt is so pretty.”

You finally look back at her, wanting nothing more but to fuck her like she fucked you. So in return for her toying with you, you hastily reach out and touch her pussy. You are confused by what to do, but by her reaction, you know you did something right.

“Tell me what we are doing,” You beg, closing your legs in closer to hers. She nods, watching your fingers pull apart her pussy lips.

“Pull your cunt against mine and ride me like you’d ride Matt’s dick.”

You halt your movements, “Ride him?”

“You’ve never ridden him before?”

Your response was your silence. You had never explored much with him, simply because he was quick to get his nut before traversing to other territories.

She helps you sit up, hover your cunt over hers. You can not lie, the sight of her sticky wet pussy was hot. She guides you down so your mound is on hers. She bites her lip as you practically drool watching your purely untouched body against her painted figure.

“Now move your hips back,” Her hands are gripping onto your hips, showing you the way, “And forth.”

The friction is immediately overstimulating, but it feels like an itch you’ve never scratched. So fucking delicious.

“Shit…” You groan at the response your body is giving you.

“Practice makes perfect, baby. Keep moving those hips.”

You have never been on top, but it’s almost freeing to be in control of the movements. You weren’t sure what you should grip onto as you rubbed your pussy against hers, so you grip onto your own shoulders. Your hips gyrate, the slickness between your legs starts trailing down to Ellie’s navy blue sheets.

“God, this pussy is so fucking perfect,” Ellie says through gritted teeth. She holds down your hips, somehow trying to get you closer to her.

“It’s yours.” You whine, letting the lust take over your speech. You had no clue what that meant for this situation, you just knew that Ellie knew how to fuck you and it was bliss. Your hands leave your shoulders and eventually find Ellie’s tits.

“This pussy is mine? The first cunt you fuck is the cunt you fuck forever?”

You want to laugh, but the bubble in your stomach is about to burst already with how fucked out of your mind you are. “If the cunt is yours, then yes. I want this forever.”

Ellie sucks on her two fingers before she reaches down, finding the very top of your cunt, and begins to press down on that sensitive little bud. The saliva only mixes with the messiness of your liquids. You squeeze her nipples in response.

“Never going back to my stupid fuckin’ brother, hm? This pussy belongs to me.”

“Yes, Ellie, fuck!”

She smiles at your quickening pace. She knows you’re reaching your breaking point, and she knows that she’s close herself.

“Come for me, baby. Come all over my fuckin’ cunt.”

You jolt forward, your hips stilling over hers. You don’t know if you’ve felt a sensation quite like it. You had tears pricking the corners of your eyes as your body felt like a volcano erupting. The curses leaving Ellie’s lips as she came from your orgasm only added to the high you felt. You knew words were leaving your mouth, but they were just jumbled together strings of sentences.

“Jesus Christ…”

“It feels so good…”

“I want this pussy forever…”

You fall over next to Ellie, your legs still intertwined with hers. She was trying to catch her breath, her body still jittery from her high.

“That was per-”

“Babe!!”

Your stomach drops to your ass when you hear Matt’s voice.

You jump up from Ellie’s bed, finding the closest clothes you can grab at. Ellie does the same, but takes her time throwing a tank top over her bed head. His footsteps are practically running up the steps.

You are still wobbly on your legs, practically falling over trying to put on the pants she loaned you. You just keep saying “fuck” over and over again, knowing that you two will probably be caught. You just finished putting on a shirt when he barges into the room.

He’s drunk.

“What are you still doing in here?” He asks you in an accusatory slurred voice. Collin is close behind him, trying to shush him.

“Chill, dude. I was just showin’ her some of my art.” Ellie defends, plopping down on her bed. She’s trying to mask the fact that her bed is wet with your cum.

While he blabs about how Ellie sucks at art, which he is very wrong about, you notice a red blotch on his shirt collar. You zero in on it because you fucking knew.

“Matt, what’s on your neck?” You interrupt.

He stops his rant to look down at you. His eyes are bloodshot. He’s so gone that his mind can’t make up an excuse.

“It’s from Sophie,” He blurts out, his lips getting ahead of his brain. Ellie pauses and the entire room goes dead silent. You had no idea what to say back to that. You had no clue who Sophie was. You honestly did not care, your relationship was already done in your head. You were just kind of shell-shocked that it happened exactly how your mind doctored it.

You glance over at Ellie who is already looking at you. Collin clears his throat.

“I think this a conversation for the morning,” Collin says, grabbing Matt’s arm to tug him out of the room.

You nod, “Yeah, Collin, great idea. Why don’t you take Matt to bed? Tuck him in and give him a sweet kiss like Sophie did.”

Matt’s face turns bright red, the same thing it always did when he got mad at you. Before he could lash out at you, Collin drags him out of the room and into the hall. Before shutting the door behind him, he says, “I’m sorry.”

You furrow your eyebrows, “It’s fine. It’s not the first time. But it will be the last.”

When the door clicks shut, you hear Matt whisper yelling at Collin about how big of a bitch you are. How you didn’t deserve him. Yadda-yadda-yadda.

Ellie just gawks at you. The tone of the room changed so drastically so quickly that you felt almost disconnected from reality.

“You okay?” She asks innocently, her hand holding onto your shoulder.

Your legs are still weak. “Yeah, I think I’ll need more practice though.”

She is confused, you can tell by the look on her face. “Huh?”

“I’ll need more practice riding you. And, hey, you didn’t get to use that fake dick on me, remember?”

taglist (for those who said they wanted this haha)

@cavillscurls @satellitespinner @mourningdovee @hockeyhughes @stonerzdaze420692 @00ops1e @sunflowerwinds @holilogram @whoucallingalesbian @aurelialuna

#writing this took so long cause I hate everything I write sometimes #thanks for you patience #anon request #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams smut #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x female reader #ellie tlou #the last of us #the last of us 2 #tlou #tlou part 2 #ellie williams au #gracieheartspedro

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joelalorian · 8 months ago

Text

Fall Into Me

dbf!Joel x f!reader

The first TLOU fic I ever read was a dbf!Joel story and it left an indelible mark on my soul. Unfortunately, I never bookmarked it so I have no idea which one it was. It's only natural that I had to try my hand at one at some point. So, here we are.

Summary: Joel is hanging on by a thread as a single father to a tenacious 10-year-old Sarah. Feeling like he's drowning, like the world is about to spit him out, he needs some help before he breaks in half. At your dad's insistence, you show up in his life and change everything.

Story is inspired by the song Fall Into Me by Forest Blakk. Chapter titles will be lyrics from the song.

Word Count: 4.1k

Series Warnings: Mature to start, but will ultimately be Explicit, under 18 take a hike. No outbreak AU. There will be angst, drama, fluff, humor, romance, smut... basically, the works. Age gap of about 9 years (Reader 24/25, Joel 33/34). No use of y/n. Reader has a nickname from her dad, which will be explained at some point.

Dividers by the wonderful @saradika-graphics

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Chapter One: The Day That I Met You

If you asked him over a decade ago where he’d be now, Joel Miller would not have placed himself as a single father to a tenacious pre-teen desperately trying to keep things afloat. He spent too many hours in the week working to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. He would be lost without the help of his brother and the few friends he had. He had no social life to speak of and could not for the life of him remember the last time he went on an actual date.

No, back then, Joel thought he’d be living the good life in ten years’ time – traveling, going out with the boys, maybe have a girlfriend or wife. Basically, just getting to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. Don’t get him wrong, though. He was still living a good life; it just was a different sort of good than what he hoped for back in the day.

He loved his daughter with every fiber of his being. Sarah was the best damn thing that ever happened to him, his entire world, and he wouldn’t change the past ten years for anything. He bent over backwards doing whatever it took to make his little girl feel cared for, happy, and loved. He just wished there was a little energy left for something for himself at the end of the day.

Joel Miller was drained. Mentally, physically, and emotionally.

He awoke with a groan as the bright sunlight broke through the gap in his curtains. It was Saturday – his birthday – and he hoped to sleep in, at least a little. Between the brightness of the morning and the stifled sounds of clanging pans and voices carrying up the stairs from his kitchen, sleeping in was not happening.

He hauled himself out of bed with a groan worthy of a man twenty years his senior and stretched out his limbs to ease the achiness in his bare back and chest from too much manual labor. Throwing on a pair of well-worn sleep pants and a faded tee shirt, Joel slipped from his bedroom and down the stairs. He moved rather quietly for a man of his size, stealing a moment to lean against the entryway into the kitchen and watch as Sarah and Tommy worked together making breakfast.

The counters were a mess of spilled pancake mix, eggshells, and… was that coffee dripping over the edge and onto the floor? It was a toss-up on who made the bigger mess, his ten-year-old daughter, or his grown ass brother. Still, Joel could not stop the smile spreading across his face as he watched them laughing and teasing each other. That, right there, was the reason he worked so hard, why the loneliness was worth it.

When Tommy flipped the stovetop off, Sarah turned to find her dad smiling goofily at them. “Happy Birthday, Dad!” she exclaimed, launching herself at his chest. Her lanky arms wrapped around his neck as he lifted her off the ground in a big bear hug.

“Thanks, baby girl,” Joel replied, pressing his lips to her forehead in a quick kiss before he settled her feet on the ground.

“We made you breakfast!” Sarah declared, gesturing toward the disaster zone formerly known as his kitchen.

“I see that,” he chuckled, voice still slightly rough with sleep.

Tommy turned with a smirk, hands grasping two plates filled with bacon, eggs, and pancakes. “Take a seat, brother. Let us take care of you on your birthday.” Placing the food on the small dining table, Tommy roughly patted his brother’s shoulders. “Don’t worry ‘bout the mess, I’m on cleanup duty after we eat.”

“We expectin’ company? That’s a helluva lot of food,” Joel grumbled. He needed coffee, stat.

“Yeah, JB is comin’ over to see ya before heading to the airport. His daughter finished grad school over the summer and is moving back home.” Tommy set more food and a full mug of dark roast coffee in front of his brother. The scent alone made Joel perk up a little.

The Millers hadn’t met you yet, having only become friends with your dad through work after you’d already left for college on the east coast. Your dad had a good decade on Joel, but he and the Miller brothers got on like a forest fire from what he told you. With visits home always short and rushed, busy catching up with family and your own friends, there was never time for your dad to introduce you all. Now you were coming home for good and would have plentiful opportunities for spending time with your dad and his friends.

“Speak of the devil,” Tommy muttered as the doorbell rang. Sarah bounded to the door to greet your dad with a hug. In many ways, the girl reminded him of you when you were young, and it always brought a smile to his face.

“There he is! The man of the hour. Happy Birthday, buddy!” Your dad, John, or JB as the Millers called him, ruffled Joel’s already mussed hair, leaving a few locks standing straight up in further disarray. Pulling a 12-pack of beer from behind his back, your dad set it on the table in front of Joel, topped with a little red bow. “I gotcha a lil’ something to celebrate.”

“Good man,” Joel replied with a chuckle. “Have a seat and help me eat all this. Tommy just told me your lil’ girl is coming home, finally.”

Your dad’s face lit up even more at the mention of you coming home. “She’s not so little anymore, but I sure am glad she’s moving back here. Said she had enough of the east coast, but I think she just missed her ol’ man.” After wolfing down some food, he added, “Think we could host a small barbecue here this coming weekend to celebrate? Your backyard is way nicer than mine and you got the pool and all.”

“Not to mention that fancy ass grill,” Tommy chimed in.

Swallowing a long sip of his morning go juice, Joel nodded. “Of course. Invite whoever you want. I’m looking forward to finally meeting your daughter.”

“Me too!” Sarah added. She heard a lot about you from your dad and hoped you were as cool in person as he made you out to be.

Joel’s mind started spinning upon hearing his daughter’s excitement. With her school hours being so different from his typical work hours, he was spending a small fortune on after school care for Sarah. She was still too young for him to leave home alone, especially on those days where he’s stuck late at a job. He was barely scraping by as it was and couldn’t really afford the cost of after school programs. Perhaps…

“JB, ya think your daughter would mind watching Sarah during the week while she’s home. Drop off and pick up from school and keeping her company ‘til I get home from work? I could pay her – it wouldn’t be much, but better than nothin’, I imagine.” He watched Sarah’s eyes light up at the suggestion and knew it was a good choice.

“I’m sure she’d love to. She wasn’t planning on finding a real job until after the holidays, so I know she’ll be free during the day,” your dad replied. “I’ll talk to her about it on the ride back from the airport and let you know.”

Three suitcases and a carry-on bag. That’s all you had left from six and a half years of pursuing higher education in North Carolina. You sold or gave away anything that did not fit into your luggage or hold sentimental value of your time away. Now, you were moving back home to save some money before you had to start chipping away at the mountain of student loan debt you accrued.

You loved learning, always have, but you were relieved to be done with school. Equipped with a bachelor’s degree in earth sciences and a master’s in education, you felt like a real adult ready to take the world of middle school by storm… well, starting after the new year, maybe. For now, you needed several months of limited to no responsibility to recoup your mental and physical energy. That last couple years of school really burned you out. Not to mention the last-minute rejection of a teaching position you thought was in the bag…

Anyway, you were better off leaving North Carolina behind and returning to Austin. You missed your dad something fierce and his particular brand of caring for you was exactly what your weary soul needed. It was you and him against the world, just like when you were a kid.

You flight was smooth and uneventful, yet you were relieved to deboard the plane. Something about being stuck in a tin can at the mercy of someone else’s ability to keep the thing from plummeting to the ground really aggravated your anxiety. Flying was something you would never enjoy; it was merely a means to an end when you wanted to travel long distances.

The journey to baggage claim was a slog with the crowd of passengers all heading to the same place. You were wondering how you’d wrangle three large suitcases by yourself when you caught sight of your dad. His broad smile took over his face when he spotted you, rushing over to sweep you up in a big bear hug.

“Hey Spud, how was the flight?” he asked as you waited for the baggage carousel to begin moving. “Looks like it was a full plane.”

“It was, but the flight was good. I’m really glad to be home.”

“Me, too, kid.”

You settled into a comfortable silence, watching various pieces of luggage pass by on the carousel. Your bags were scattered, and you had to wait several cycles to get all of them. Your dad lugged the final suitcase over the carousel with a grunt. “Jesus, what you got in this one? Bricks? A body?”

“That one has my gaming system and half a closet full of clothes,” you replied with a laugh.

Before long, everything was loaded into your dad’s truck, and you were heading back towards town. The radio hummed at a low volume as you both chatted about everything and nothing all at once.

“Hey, so I know you said you weren’t looking for full-time work until after the new year, but I have a proposition for you.” Your dad’s eyes stayed focused on the road, and you merely quirked a brow waiting for him to continue. “My buddy Joel – you know the one I told you about? Well, his daughter is ten and he needs some help with the school run and after school care. Our work hours aren’t exactly the same as elementary school, you know?”

You nodded, remembering all the times your dad spoke to you about Joel, as well as his daughter and brother. Despite never meeting them, you felt like you already knew their whole life story. “So, he’s looking for a nanny or something? I could do that. It would keep me from getting lazy while I navigate getting my Texas teaching certificate.”

Your dad grinned, one hand patting your leg. “I was hoping you’d say that. Joel will pay you, of course, but just… don’t expect much. It ain’t easy for him being a single dad trying to keep everything afloat.”

Again, you nodded, a soft smile creasing your lips. You knew all too well how challenging it could be for single parents, having grown up with just you and your dad. Much like what your dad told you about Joel’s experience with the mother of his child, your mom split when you were barely a toddler. Things weren’t always sunshine and roses, but your dad sure did his best to make sure you had a great life. Honestly, you wouldn’t trade it for the world, that life with your dad. You had a feeling it was much the same for Joel and his daughter.

“I’m happy to help, even if he doesn’t pay me. I’m sure his daughter will enjoy having a female influence in her life if nothing else. What’s her name again? Sarah?”

Your dad’s eyes twinkled with pride. “Yup, that’s it. I’m proud of the woman you’ve become, Spud.”

A mist of tears prickled your eyes as you mumbled out a “Thanks, dad.” After a beat, you added, “Must you keep up with that nickname?”

“Of course. You’ll always be my little Spud,” he laughed as you rolled your eyes. “Oh, by the way, we’re going to the Millers on Saturday for your welcome home party.”

“What’s all this?” Joel questioned as Tommy and Sarah placed a heavy, wrapped package on the table before him along with a few smaller presents. The remains of a birthday cake sat nearby, having been delightfully devoured by the Millers while celebrating Joel’s birthday.

“Just a little somethin’ from me and Sarah,” Tommy replied, a boyish grin alighting his handsome features.

Joel gazed between them with curiosity. Not big on celebrating his own aging, he rarely got big gifts. “You wanna help me open this, nugget?” Sarah’s eyes lit up, small hands reaching to tear the wrapping paper into shreds. It only took a few moments for the contents to be revealed, leaving Joel confused at the modern contraption sitting in front of him. “What am I supposed to do with this?”

“You play video games on it, dumbass.” Tommy harumphed as he began a diatribe on the features of the gaming system – he had one just like it at his place and it provided hours of entertainment when he didn’t feel like going out. “I figured it would be a good hobby for you since you never want to join me in going out.”

“Huh,” Joel grunted in return, brows furrowed as he read the instructions on how to setup up the machine. His attention was diverted by Sarah shoving the smaller parcels into his lap.

“Here, dad! These go with it.” Together, they tore into the wrapping paper to find several video games, a few of which were family friendly. The final gift was a spare controller for the gaming system so he and Sarah could play together.

Despite still being unsure that the gift was a good fit for him, Joel was grateful to Tommy for the effort. “This is too much, man. You shouldn’t spend this kind of money on me, Tommy.”

His brother waved him off. “I found a great deal and you never get anything for yourself, brother. You deserve something to indulge in. Believe me, you’ll have fun with this.”

The rest of the evening was spent with Tommy setting up the system and showing the father-daughter duo how to play some of the games he picked out. The living room filled with lots of laughter and teasing, and Joel found himself really getting into the fun of the video games.

After tucking Sarah into bed, Tommy showed Joel a game that was too violent for the little girl but entertaining for the men. The game was set in Washington DC which had been ravaged by a brutal pandemic and the main character was part of a group of agents fighting off nefarious gangs trying to take over the city. Joel caught onto the gameplay quickly and the two men found themselves building the loadout for Joel’s character, taking out bad guys, and chatting well into the night.

At two in the morning, the pair looked at each other with bleary, red-rimmed eyes and finally called it a night. Joel directed Tommy to crash in the spare room as he shuffled off to bed upstairs.

It didn’t take you long to get settled into your dad’s house. It wasn’t the home you grew up in and you only visited a few times after he bought it. After years living away on your own, you thought it would be an adjustment being under his roof again, but it wasn’t. He understood the need for personal space and never hovered unless you were hurt or sick. He gave you the downstairs bedroom – it was the largest in the house, with an ensuite bath and huge walk-in closet.

“Dad, no! Why in the world is this not your room?” you questioned when he placed your bags on the brand-new, king size bed he had delivered the week prior.

“Hell no, Spud. What do I need all this space for? I like the upstairs rooms better – the light is all wrong in this one anyway.”

You looked around, holding in a giggle. The room faced south, giving you just the right amount of natural light all day. That’s what your dad didn’t like. He preferred to live like a bat in a cave with blackout curtains and limited lighting.

“Alright, well, I love it. The natural light is perfect for me. I can actually put some plants on the windowsills. Thank you!” You kissed his cheek as he left you to get settled.

You spent the week rearranging the bedroom how you wanted it, setting up your gaming system, and putting all your clothes into the walk-in closet. Your dad hadn’t done much with the room other than furnish it, so you made a few trips to the store to get a bathroom set, floor lamps, and wall décor to make the room your own.

Before you knew it, Saturday morning dawned bright and warm. The day of your welcome home gathering arrived, and you would finally get to meet the Millers. An excited energy had you moving about your space in a flurry, tidying up and getting ready early. You’d seen some photos of the Millers that your dad sent you – Sarah was adorable with her dark, springy curls, and Joel… Joel was handsome, in a broody, overworked kind of way, with dark, riotous curls and big, warm chocolate eyes. Kind eyes, you called them.

“Hey Spud, you ready?” your dad called from the kitchen as you put the finishing touches on your hair. It was pinned up, leaving the smooth skin of your neck bare. The sundress you picked hugged your curves in just the right way, falling just at your knees in a flow of lightweight material. In early October, Austin was still hot, and you hoped the Millers’ yard was shaded.

“Bring a swimsuit! They have a pool!” he yelled as you grabbed the last of your things. Turning back to your closet, you grabbed a dark green one-piece suitable for family-friendly swimming and tucked it into your bag.

“I’m ready!”

Your dad smiled at the sight of you. “Let’s go then. We’re heading over early so you can officially meet the Millers and we’ll help them setup before everyone else arrives.”

“Sounds good. Who all’s coming anyway?” Your eyes widened as your dad rattled off a list of people he invited, including his work buddies and some of his and Joel’s neighbors. He would have invited some of your old friends from high school, but you all lost touch over the years. The party was turning out bigger than you thought. Your heart swelled with how happy your dad was to have you home for good.

The Millers lived in the same neighborhood, only a few blocks away, so close you could have walked if not for the scorching sun. The drive took only a few minutes before your dad pulled into the driveway of a two-story home similar to your dad’s, with simple landscaping and two wooden rocking chairs on the wide porch. Lovely and quaint, the house made you more curious about the people who lived there.

“Dayum! Get a load a JB’s daughter, Joel,” Tommy called from the living room, leaning over the couch to look out the front window. “She’s smokin’ hot!”

“Dammit, Tommy. Stop spying on ‘em,” Joel growled, sneaking a peek over his brother’s shoulder to do a little hypocritical spying of his own. Breath caught in his throat at the sight of you and he couldn’t break his gaze away, even as JB led you toward the front door.

“What was that about spyin’, brother?” Tommy teased, practically dragging Joel away from the window as a knock sounded against the door. “Don’t worry, I’ll get it.”

Tommy opened the heavy wooden door revealing the pair of you standing there, matching bright eyes and wide grins greeting him. “Well, hello there, beautiful. I’m Tommy.” Reaching a hand toward you, Tommy completely ignored JB, who just scowled at him.

“Nice to meet you, Tommy,” you replied, offering him your hand and name in return. Joel’s scowl matched your dad’s expression as Tommy held your hand for several beats too long.

“Back off, Tommy,” your dad grunted, swatting at the younger Miller brother. “This here is Tommy’s brother, Joel. The one who actually owns this house and the better Miller, if you ask me.”

“Ain’t no one askin’ you, old man,” Tommy’s smart mouth shot back at your dad.

Joel ignored both men, eyes like dark pools as he gazed at you, awed at how small and delicate your hand felt in his. “Howdy, darlin’,” his voice rumbled from his chest. “Come on in. There’s someone else lookin’ forward to meeting you.”

Leading the way through the kitchen into the backyard, Joel felt the heat of your gaze burning his back. Were you checking him out? There was no way. You were beautiful and likely in your early twenties. He felt ancient, though he was only in his early thirties, the hard labor of construction work having taken its toll on him.

“Hi Dad!” a young, sweet voice called from a small swing set where a precious little girl entertained herself. “Who’s this?”

Joel introduced you to his daughter, leaving the two of you to get acquainted as your dad called him away.

“You were away at college?” Sarah questioned, motioning for you to take a seat on the swing next to hers.

“I was,” you replied. “But I’m back for good now.”

“That’s good. What grade did you get to? I’m in fourth grade.”

You thought about it a moment. “I guess it would be 18th grade. But you stop counting grade numbers after 12th and start using different words to describe what year you’re in during college.”

Sarah listened raptly while you explained the different terms, what you studied in school, and what kind of job you were hoping to get.

“You want to be a teacher?” she asked, awed.

“I do! I want to teach middle grade science.”

“I love science! Maybe you could be my teacher when I get to sixth grade!”

Joel returned with your dad and Tommy in tow to find you and Sarah having a blast. The little girl sat in your lap as you kicked your feet out, swinging as high as you could, singing some camp song you remembered from your youth.

“See? Told ya she’d love to spend time with Sarah,” your dad said to Joel. He couldn’t tear his gaze away, staring at the two of you with a glazed look in his dark eyes.

Shaking himself off, Joel turned to your dad. “Guess I better work out some details with her.” He stepped over to the swing set, taking a seat on the empty swing and hoping to the heavens above that it held his weight. He struggled internally on how to start the conversation and was just about to blurt something out when his amazing daughter saved the day.

“Dad! She wants to be a teacher! A science teacher! Isn’t that cool? Did you ask her about watching me yet? I think she’d love to.” Sarah rambled on excitedly, amusing you and Joel. Turning to you before Joel could chime in, Sarah turned to you with baby cow eyes, adding, “You would love to, right?”

How could you ever resist that look? No one could. Both you and Joel were powerless as you nodded, and the offer became official. Cell numbers were exchanged and before you knew it, you had a job starting Monday.

Hours later, slightly drunk on spiked fruit punch and buzzing with energy, you thanked Joel for hosting the barbecue and giving you a job. You kissed his stubbled cheek, forcing thoughts of how attractive he was as far down as they could go. You could not develop a crush on your boss. “I’ll see you Monday morning, bright and early!” you declared before following your dad through the front door.

TBC

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel x female reader #the last of us #tlou #dbf!joel #Fall Into Me #pedro pascal #eventual smut #eventual romance

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justagalwhowrites · 6 months ago

Text

Halcyon - Ch. 10: People Might Think You Care About Me

You and Joel spend the holidays together. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 9, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

Again, I'm here begging HBO to give me something to use for young Joel PLZ

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Mention of dieting and diet culture. Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 5.8K

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

“I can’t believe my kid is going to like you better than me,” Joel said, sitting in the middle of the living room floor with a roll of wrapping paper spread out in front of him. “Scissors.”

You handed them over before grabbing the tape, putting a piece on the tip of your finger before folding the paper around the box - a friendship bracelet kit - that you were wrapping for Sarah.

“I mean, first of all, your kid already likes me more than she likes you,” you teased, turning the box to do the other side. “She has good taste…”

“You’re the worst.”

“Second,” you said, ignoring him. “It is a joint gift, you’re getting tons of cool dad points out of this.”

“She’s gonna know it was your idea,” he said, adjusting the gift he was wrapping. “Hell, she’s gonna know that only one of us could have gotten tickets and it ain’t me.”

As if on cue, Swiftie - Sarah’s kitten - pounced on the box Joel was wrapping.

“Yeah, this one knows, too,” he said, scooping her up with one large hand and setting her down. “I miss when she wanted Barbies. Shit was easier.”

You laughed.

“Be happy she’s excited about anything enough that she’s going to freak out over Taylor Swift tickets,” you said. “She’s about to be a disaffected teenager, enjoy it while it lasts.”

“Yeah, don’t remind me,” he muttered, “She’s stubborn enough as it is.”

“You’re in for it, Miller,” you said as your cat, Puck, climbed on your lap. You reached around him to finish taping the package you were wrapping. “She’s going to give you so much shit…”

“What if she’s just like you, hm?” Joel teased. “Gonna have a nerd for a kid…”

“Hey, I was a nerd who snuck out at night to go get drunk with the boneheaded jock,” you teased back. “You really want her to be just like me?”

“Jesus, you’re right,” Joel shook his head, finishing wrapping his present. “I’ll have to keep her far away from anyone like me for the sake of us all.”

You snorted and finished wrapping your own gift before scooping Puck into your arms, nuzzling into his fur and giving him a kiss on the head before settling with your back against your couch as you looked at the lights on the tree.

It was Christmas Eve, the first one in years you were spending without Gale and you’d never been more thankful for Joel.

Last year, you and Gale were separated but you’d felt so alone that you’d texted him the afternoon of Christmas Eve and spent most of the night and next day in bed. You’d tricked yourself then, pretended there was a chance in hell of the two of you getting back together and things going back to the way they used to be.

That hadn’t happened. You’d spent New Year’s Eve in bed, too. Except that time, you were alone.

You’d been afraid that was going to happen for you this holiday season, too. You asked Anna what she had planned for Christmas, fully expecting her to want to spend the day together. She had other things in mind.

“Honestly, ever since Mom died?” She’d shrugged. “I love using it as a day to just chill. Binge watch TV I’ve been meaning to catch up on, eat a pile of Chinese food, maybe take a bath… It’s pretty boring but I love it. And since I’ve got this little bundle on the way, I’m extra looking forward to it this year.”

“Oh,” you forced a smile, trying to hide your disappointment. “No, that sounds great.”

“Oh God,” she clamped her hands over her mouth, eyes wide for a moment. “Did you want to do something? I’m so sorry, I should have…”

“”No,” you waved her off quickly. “No, you’re good! I don’t want to disrupt your plans…”

“You can join if you want!” She said. “I mean, for everything but the bath part, that might be a little much now that we’re not kids anymore.”

“No,” you said again. “You have fun! Tradition is tradition and you need the break. Maybe I’ll do the same.”

You should have known that she would have her own way of doing things. You’d all but abandoned her during your marriage, sending perfunctory text messages and holiday cards and flying her up for a long weekend every year or so but, otherwise, you went weeks without talking. Of course she had Christmas plans that didn’t involve you. Why would she have any that did?

Joel, however, had done what he’d always done since you’d moved back to Texas: Made room for you in his life.

“Know you and Anna probably already got plans but,” he’d shrugged two weeks earlier. “If you don’t… want to spend Christmas with me n’Sarah? Tommy, too, assuming he doesn’t con his way into dinner at some girl’s house. S’OK if you don’t, just figured… I dunno…”

You’d smiled, bigger than you’d really meant to.

“You want me to spend Christmas with you?”

“I want you to spend most days with me,” he shrugged. “But you know, we gotta go out in the world and make money and shit. Anyway, Christmas. You in? Could just move in until the New Year if you really wanted…”

The last part wasn’t going to work with your obligation to go try to write a book once Christmas was through. But you had spent the last two nights at Joel’s, bringing Puck over to play with Sarah and Swiftie as the three of you watched Christmas movies and binged cookies. No papers to grade, no lawyers calling because your attorneys’ offices were closed, no pressure because you already had time set aside to write. You could really relax for the first time in what felt like an eternity and relaxing with Joel and Sarah was quickly becoming your favorite thing in the entire world.

But all that relaxing had meant there was a small pile of presents that weren’t wrapped that needed to make it under the tree. It was Christmas Eve and time had run out.

“You need to stop procrastinating,” you said, getting your egg nog that was now mostly liquor off the coffee table and taking a sip. “Can’t get away with that shit when you’re a business owner.”

“Just watch me,” he teased. “Besides, you’re one to talk, you made any progress on that book?”

“That’s what next week is for,” you said, giving the cat a kiss just as he started to get restless in your arms. You set him down. “Fingers crossed having nothing else to do will make me churn out the words.”

“Wild to me that you make money from what’s in your head,” Joel came and sat next to you. “Not that I think you shouldn’t, if anyone should it’s you. Just that anyone does at all is insane.”

“Well, I may not make money off it for long if I can’t write anything else,” you sighed. “Know what? Let’s not talk about next week. I want to live in this moment - the one where we don’t have any worries and the presents are all under the tree and Sarah is passed out - for a while longer yet.”

Joel hummed in agreement and you leaned your head on his shoulder, sighing contentedly. You could smell his skin and cologne and there was still a little bacon scent from when he’d made breakfast for the three of you that morning.

“Think she’ll have a good Christmas?” Joel asked quietly, the two of you watching the lights twinkle on his tree.

“Hell yeah,” you smiled a little. “You really are an amazing Dad, Joel.”

He scoffed.

“I’m serious,” you peered up at him. “You’re lucky to have Sarah but she’s lucky as hell to have you, too. She’s going to love it.”

“Speaking of parents… anything new in the Anna situation?” Joel asked cautiously.

“It’s a girl,” you sighed. “But she seems to be keeping up with everything, thank God. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe this is the kick in the ass she’s been needing…”

“Was for me,” Joel shrugged, making your head rise with his shoulder.

You sighed again.

“Just seems like an awful lot to put on a kid,” you said. “And you might have been young and dumb but you didn’t have the shit Anna’s got on her plate. It’s a bit of a different story with her.”

“She might surprise you. But either way, we’ll make up a room for the little sucker here,” Joel said. “Just to be safe.”

“Regardless, that’s next year Goldie and Joel’s problem,” you said. “And thank fuck for that.”

“Yeah, fuck those two,” you could hear the smile on Joel’s voice. “Let’s put the wrapping paper away and go to bed, something about Santa and knowing when you’re sleeping and all that.”

You cleaned up the living room and tried not to pay attention to the nighttime routine you’d fallen into with Joel in the few days you’d been staying with him. You had your own sink in Joel’s bathroom, one that had your hair products and face wash lined up alongside it. You had your own side of the bed with your own nightstand where the book you’d been reading the last few days was nearing its end and waiting for you. If you thought about it too much, you’d miss it when it was gone. If you thought about it too much, it might seem like something you could keep.

Joel made his customary space at his side and you nestled into him, your head on his chest where you could hear his heart beat. His fingers trailed up and down your arm.

“There are upsides to a kid, you know,” he said quietly. “Christmas morning is one of ‘em. Just wait.”

You smiled a little.

“Stop keeping me awake and we won’t have to wait long,” you said.

Joel snorted.

“Yeah yeah. Night Goldie.”

“Night Joel.”

Sarah came careening into Joel’s room before 7 a.m., slamming into the bed so hard that it made your teeth rattle.

“Dad! Aunt Goldie!” She shook you both. “Wake up, it’s Christmas!”

“Yeah, alright,” Joel groaned, taking his warm arm from its place around your shoulders. You groaned, too. “You stay here with Goldie while I go put the coffee pot on and get set up to record you…”

Sarah groaned.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously,” he said. “Sit tight, five minutes.”

You rolled onto your back and blinked the sleep from your eyes, Sarah bouncing impatiently on the bed. You lifted your head enough to look at her, curls sticking every which way, and you dropped back down onto the pillow with a groan.

“You’re lucky you’re cute, kid,” you said.

“Yeah, that’s what my dad says,” she said cheerfully and you could picture her smile as she did.

“Alright, come on out,” Joel called from the living room. Sarah rocketed off the bed and you laughed as you got up yourself, trailing behind her and trying not to yawn.

“Oh cool!” Sarah flopped down beside her stocking and started going through it as you got to the living room. Joel was sitting on the couch, his phone set up on a tripod in the corner and pointed at the tree. “These are those face mask things I said I wanted! And the headbands for soccer!”

“I do pay attention now and then, baby girl,” Joel said, rubbing his eyes.

“Don’t you mean Santa pays attention?” You asked, sitting next to him on the couch. Joel handed you a cup of coffee, made exactly how you liked it.

“I know Santa’s not real, Aunt Goldie,” Sarah rolled her eyes and gave you a look. “I’m 11, not a kid.”

Joel snorted.

“Sorry,” you said. “My mistake.”

“Don’t spoil Santa for Goldie,” Joel said before reaching down on the ground next to him. “Speaking of which…”

He handed you a fat stocking and you frowned a little as you took it.

“You made me a stocking?” You asked, tears pinching at your throat. “No one’s made me a stocking since I was in high school…”

“Then you’re real overdue,” he smiled a little and went back to watching Sarah as she unwrapped a chocolate Santa and stuffed the entire thing in her mouth. “Alright, let’s not eat all the candy in one sitting…”

“But it’s Christmas!” She said, voice muffled around the chocolate.

“Still gonna get sick,” he replied.

You started unpacking the stocking, pulling two pairs of fuzzy socks out of the top.

“Because your feet are always freezing,” he said, looking back at you. “Figured one pair for here, one for your house…”

“Thank you,” you smiled, going back into the stocking. There was some of your favorite candy, one of the face masks Sarah had, a bottle of gold nail polish.

“We can do a spa day!” She beamed.

“We can,” you laughed, looking at Joel who just shrugged, a small smile on his face.

At the bottom of the stocking was a chunky gold pen, thick plastic encasing glitter and you turned it over in your fingers, frowning for a moment at just how familiar it felt.

“Saw one like the one you had when we were kids years ago,” Joel said. “Bought it on a whim, thought you might want it.”

You wanted to say thank you but you couldn’t seem to make a sound, the words caught in your throat. Instead, you just threw your arms around his neck and he laughed a little when he caught you, his hand sliding over your side and around to your back.

You stayed close to Joel and watched as Sarah tore through her presents, the envelope with the concert tickets safely in Joel’s possession.

“Hey Sarah,” you said eventually. “Can you hand me that box under there that’s for your dad?”

Joel frowned as Sarah got the box, setting it on the coffee table in front of Joel and hovering as he went to open it.

“Didn’t need to get me anything,” he said.

“Too damn bad,” you said. “Don’t get too excited, it’s nothing crazy.”

He opened it. Inside were two shot glasses, leather wrapped with a monogrammed M burned into it.

“I thought you needed some accessories for the flask,” you smiled.

He laughed.

“We gotta break these in,” he said, looking them over. “They even look like they match…”

“May have gotten Tommy to send me pictures,” you said. “Keep going, one more thing in there.”

He shifted the tissue paper before pulling out a cassette tape, frowning at it for a moment.

“What…”

“I know your stereo is old enough that it plays tapes,” you said, palm out. “Hand it over.”

He laughed once but obeyed and you went to put the tape in, adjusting the volume so it wouldn’t be too loud. It crackled a bit at the start and then Joel’s voice - almost 20 years younger but still so familiar - filled the room.

“My name is Joel Miller,” he said. “I play guitar and sing, mostly rock, little country…”

Joel gaped at the stereo before looking to you.

“Is this that old demo tape we made when we were kids?” He asked. You laughed and nodded. “Holy… where the hell’d you find this thing?”

“I kept one,” you shrugged. “Thought it might give you a nudge toward playing again.”

The Joel on tape started playing and Sarah came and sat between the two of you on the couch, looking up at her dad.

“So that’s you?” She asked.

“Sure is,” he said. “Long time ago, I was closer to your age then than mine now.”

“What’s it for?” She asked.

“Well,” Joel looked over her head to you and smiled a little before looking back at his daughter. “I always liked playing, wanted to be a singer for a while. Goldie here talked me into making some demo tapes to give to places around here that had open mic nights so I could actually play for people. Worked, too. Had a few places I played pretty often for a bit in there thanks to that tape.”

“Why’d you stop?” She frowned. “You were good.”

Joel shrugged.

“Bigger things to do,” he kissed the top of her head. “Though speaking of music… think there might be one more thing for you under the tree.”

Sarah’s frown deepened and she went to look around, picking her way through wrapping paper and but not finding it.

“There’s nothing over here, Dad,” she said. “Are you sure?”

“Oh, right,” Joel said, giving you a wink and pulling the envelope out of the pocket of his pajama pants. “Here it is.”

She jumped over some of the boxes scattered over the floor and took the envelope from him, her eyebrows knitting together as she read the writing on the front.

“To the swiftest music fan?” She said, looking up from the envelope and at the two of you.

You just shrugged.

“Gonna have to open it, kiddo,” Joel said.

She slipped her fingers below the seal and pulled out the card, two pieces of paper falling to the ground before she had a chance to read it. She picked them up and unfolded them, reading the first one.

“It says we have a hotel room in Dallas?” She looked at Joel.

“Gotta read the other paper, baby girl,” he said. “That’s the important one. And the one from Aunt Goldie.”

She flipped to that page next and only held it for a moment before shrieking and throwing herself at you, knocking you back into the couch.

“You got Eras Tour tickets?” She pulled back, half on top of you and half on the couch. You just laughed and nodded. “Oh my GOD, thank you thank you thank you, you’re the best! OH MY GOD!”

“Well your dad is the one getting us there and making sure we have a place to stay,” you said. “So hug him, too.”

“Thank you!” She threw herself at him, too, and he laughed, catching her and giving her a squeeze. “This is the best present ever, it’s going to be the best time, I can’t wait! We’re going to see Taylor Swift! Oh my GOD, I have to tell my friends!”

She shot off to her room to get her phone and Joel laughed, looking over at you.

“OK I don’t even care that she likes you better n’me now,” he said. “She’s that happy? Worth it.”

“We’ll see how we feel after a few days wrangling her for the Taylor Swift concert,” you said, watching where she’d disappeared up the stairs. “But… yeah, definitely worth it.”

“Hey,” Joel said, voice oddly earnest. You looked over at him. “Thanks for loving my kid.”

You smiled a little.

“She’s yours,” you said. “How could I not?”

Tommy came over a few hours later, once the turkey was in the oven and the wrapping paper was cleaned up off the floor. He gave Sarah a five pound bag of Sour Patch Kids and said “don’t tell your dad” before kissing the top of her head as she scampered off to stash her hoard in her room. He greeted you with a hug with a tight squeeze on the end and you still couldn’t quite get used to just how adult he was. There was part of you that still saw him as the little kid who trailed after you and Joel, the one who sometimes begged to go to Dairy Queen for a Blizzard. Now, he was nearly as tall as his older brother, drinking a beer and talking to Joel about a woman named Maria he’d just started dating. It was an odd reminder of just how much time you’d lost with Joel, just how much had changed.

The four of you had dinner - Tommy teasing Sarah more like a loving older brother than an uncle, making you smile - and, before too long, the day was done.

Sarah insisted on listening to Taylor Swift while she got ready for bed and Joel read to her from an Artemis Fowl book, you eavesdropping on Joel doing the voices from your place in the living room while the cats curled up around you.

A keen sense of belonging settled over you then, as you held a mug of cocoa in one hand and the other rested on the back of your large, orange cat. This, you thought, was where you belonged. In this space, in this time, alongside these people.

How could you ever hope to find this anywhere else? How were you ever supposed to recover from this stubborn crush if Joel was the place you felt most like home?

“You OK?” Joel asked, hovering toward the top of the stairs, his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants.

“Yeah,” you smiled and gave Puck a scratch and let yourself have the feeling. “I’m good.”

You got up early the next morning, Joel barely awake enough to help carry your bags to the car.

“See you New Year’s Eve,” he said, his hands in the pockets of his pajama pants and his hair in total disarray. “Better have that damn book done by then.”

“Do you really think you can write an entire book in a week?” You asked, brows raised.

“I dunno,” he said. “You’re the smart one, you tell me.”

You rolled your eyes and he laughed a little.

“Alright, I’m goin’ back to bed,” he said. “Text me when you get there, have fun being a genius.”

“Hey,” you called to him as he made it halfway back up his walk. He turned to face you, frowning slightly. “Thanks. For being my friend.”

An expression you couldn’t place passed over his face before he smiled a little.

“Careful,” he said. “Talk like that enough, people might think you care about me and shit.”

“Well, we can’t have that,” you said. “See you in a few days.”

He watched you drive off and you made your way to the hill country and the cabin Stephanie had reserved for you. You’d insisted that it have extra bedrooms and a hot tub and were surprised that she hadn’t pushed back on it.

“Whatever you need to get the job done, you’ve got it,” she said after sending you links to some cabins. “I��m just here to facilitate.”

You stopped on the way for groceries, stocking up so you wouldn’t need to leave the house once you settled in. You went with most of your standbys for cooking for one and watching the careful diet you’d been on for years but then thought of Joel bringing you tamales and plying you with cookies over the last few days. Maybe he was right. Maybe you did need to live a little. You got the stuff to make the bagel sandwiches, too.

The cabin was damn near idyllic, all stone and wood with huge windows looking out at the brush leading down to the lake in the backyard. The hot tub was set on the back porch, a fire pit in the yard and rocking chairs out front. The kitchen was large and reasonably well equipped and there were enough bedrooms that Joel, Tommy and Sarah could have their own when they all joined you for New Year’s Eve. There was even a desk set up near a window that overlooked the water and you set up your laptop and charger and got out your notebook with the pen from your Christmas stocking, arranging everything just so.

“Alright,” you said to no one after you got the groceries put away and made yourself a cup of coffee before settling in at the desk to write. “Let’s do this.”

And… you tried. You really, truly did.

Day one, you got most of an outline done. Enough of one that you went to bed feeling somewhat accomplished and felt good treating yourself to a bagel sandwich in the morning. But then, when you sat down to work on the next part for day two, you weren’t sure you liked any of it anymore. You pressed on, anyway. Day three, you tried to write the first chapter and you made some decent progress, at least feeling like you were getting to know the characters a bit as you settled into the story. But, day four, you read what you’d written the day before and wanted to claw your way out of your skin. What were you doing? Why did you think you could do this at all? Had you ever made anything worthwhile on your own? Why would you suddenly be able to do it now?

The text came through when you were taking a break for lunch, desperately avoiding the gnawing feeling of failure after days of accomplishing fuck all when you really had no excuse not to. You sighed and opened your texts, fully expecting from Joel or Anna or even Stephanie.

It wasn’t.

Hey Doll

You dropped your fork in shock and it clattered to your plate as you blinked at your phone in total shock. He was texting you. Why was he texting you? He hadn’t texted you in months, not since you’d left Rhode Island. Why now? Did you want to know? Could you resist knowing?

Hi Gale

You propped your phone up against your half empty can of Diet Dr. Pepper and stared at the screen, waiting for the next shoe to drop.

It didn’t take long.

How’ve you been doing?

Your hand shook as you replied.

Alright. I like the new school. You?

He responded almost instantly.

Not bad. Was just thinking about you. Miss you.

You froze, your heart in your throat.

He missed you. How could he just say that? The collapse of your marriage had been one of the most painful things you’d ever gone through, happening in slow motion as he pulled further and further away and you desperately tried to dig your nails in to keep him close. You’d all but begged for him to miss you for years and now he was just texting it to you out of the blue. How could he just say that? How could you pretend like it wasn’t what you wanted to hear?

You went to his Facebook page and checked his relationship status, one of the upsides to being with an older man meaning that his social media presence was pretty limited. He was still listed as in a relationship with Carla, a woman he’d met in much the same way he’d met you. The thought made your stomach churn, that you’d been so easily replaced by the younger, thinner, prettier version who had been dropped on his desk, practically gift wrapped.

You went back to the texts.

How’s Carla?

There was a longer pause that time.

She’s not you.

“Jesus,” you said, setting the phone down and closing your eyes for a moment. You tried to think, forcing yourself to be practical. This wasn’t the time or the place to be having this conversation. You couldn’t have this conversation, not when you’d just been sitting her wondering if you could do the only thing you’d ever felt like you were supposed to do without his help.

I don’t want to talk about this now. I’m in the middle of working on my book. Maybe another time.

You stared at the phone, waiting for him to respond. He never did.

“Yeah, sure seems like you missed me,” you muttered, finishing your salad and cleaning up from lunch, settling back in at your desk to write for the afternoon, trying not to think about the very real possibility that your writing career had ended when your marriage did.

“I’m losing my mind over here,” you said, breaking down and calling Joel on day five. “There’s only so much I can say to a wall, you know.”

“We’re comin’ your way tomorrow,” he said. “Be praying for some peace and quiet once Sarah and Tommy are there, trust me. Still like pecan praline ice cream, yeah?”

“Blue Bell?” You asked.

“Course it’s Blue Bell,” you could hear him roll his eyes through the phone. “What kind of animal you take me for?”

“Oh, my apologies…”

“Anything else you can think of?” He asked. “I can always stop on the way, too, but it’s easier while I’m here.”

“I still think it’s silly to buy ice cream an hour away and then drive it out here,” you said.

“That’s what coolers are for,” he replied. “Stop finding shit to worry about. Just give the writing one more shot, see how far you get. Who knows, you might surprise yourself.”

“Yeah,” you sighed, chewing on the inside of your cheek as you remembered your texts with Gale the day before.

“Goldie,” Joel said, tone serious. “That all that’s on your mind?”

“Stop trying to read my thoughts,” you said.

“Tell me,” he said. “Or I’ll show up early and make you.”

“That a threat?”

“That’s a promise,” he said. “What’s goin’ on?”

“Gale texted yesterday,” you said, fidgeting with the handle of your coffee mug, the coffee itself going cold an hour ago.

“Gale?” Joel asked, tone sharp. “Fuckin’ Gale? The fuck did he want?”

“I don’t know,” you sighed. “I’ll show you the texts when you get here, maybe you can translate them for me since he’s not making any damn sense.”

“That asshole better not be making any trouble,” Joel said. “I will find him and kick his ass, Goldie, just say the word…”

“I know you will,” you laughed a little. “But don’t worry about it right now. And I should let you go…”

“Yeah, go write your book,” he teased. “Change the world and shit.”

There was a knock at your front door and you frowned, staring at it. There was a window to the side of it but all you could see was a shadow.

“Hey, Joel?” You said. “Hang on one second, there’s someone at my door.”

“What?” He sounded serious now. “Were you expecting anyone?”

“No,” you said quietly, approaching it slowly and trying to see through the frosted glass. You couldn’t make out who it was. “So just stay on the line and make sure I’m not axe murdered…”

“Need me to come out there now?” He asked. “If you ain’t safe…”

“I’m sure it’s fine,” you said, unlocking the deadbolt. “Probably just a neighbor, but…”

You opened the door and peered out through the crack, phone clutched against your head.

You still almost dropped it.

“Hey Doll.”

***

“Hi Gale.”

Joel’s heart dropped.

“Gale?” He said, pressing his phone tight against his head and trying not to yell in the middle of the line at the HEB. “Fucking Gale? He’s there?”

“I have to go,” you said quickly. “Talk later.”

You hung up before he had a chance to say goodbye. He tried calling you back but you ignored it.

Joel stood there, staring at his cart for a moment, his head swimming.

Was he freaking out because it was you and he didn’t want you alone at some romantic looking cabin with your ex-husband? Was it because he knew that you weren’t in a place to handle this right now? Was it because he knew - knew - that your ex was a goddamn predator?

He’d bitten his tongue about that fact since you’d been back, that the man you’d married had been more than twice your age and you’d only been a legal adult for all of a month when he’d met you. It didn’t matter that it was you, that Joel had gone searching for you and found you there with him all those years ago, he’d want to beat the shit out of a man like that regardless of who it was. A man like that couldn’t be trusted.

He especially couldn’t be trusted with you.

Joel checked out as fast as he could, calling Tommy as he drove.

“Hey, need you to do me a favor,” he said quickly.

“You always need me to do you a favor,” Tommy said. “One of these days I’m gonna cash in.”

“Yeah, who got you the only job besides the army you’ve kept longer than a week?” Joel asked.

Tommy sighed.

“Fine. What’s up?”

“Need you to take Sarah tonight.”

“Joel, come on!”

“M’serious,” Joel said. “Goldie’s ex just showed up at the fucking cabin…”

“Oh, not that fucking asshole from the funeral,” Tommy cut him off.

“That’s the one,” Joel said.

“Fuck that guy,” Tommy said. “He needs to stay the fuck away from her.”

“Yeah, somethin’ tells me he ain’t gonna make that choice on his own,” Joel said. “So I need you to pick up Sarah and take her for the night. And bring me my shit tomorrow. I’ll text you the address where Sarah’s at, she’s at her friend’s playing right now, needs to be picked up about five…”

“Yeah, I got it,” Tommy said. “Go save the day.”

Joel drove as fast as he dared, not familiar enough with where cops liked to hide to go too fast. He pulled up in front of the cabin you’d sent him the information for a week and a half earlier. He’d have admired it, in another circumstance. He’d always wanted a place like this, someplace quiet where there was enough space to live a little, maybe hunt. A place where Sarah could run and play and get to know nature a little.

But in that moment, he was too pissed to take it in.

He grabbed a bag out of the trunk - pretense more than anything else - and stalked up to the door before knocking on it, his fist coming down in heavy thuds on the wood.

You pulled open the door, a surprised look on your face and your ex-husband at your back.

He looked just about the same as Joel remembered him from before. Tall but not as tall as him, a refined air about him that made Joel want to deck him, a smug look on his face. His hair was gray and his face was wrinkled and Joel fucking hated him.

“Joel,” you said, staring at him. “What are you…”

Joel did the only thing he could think to do, fucking Brad standing so close to you with a hand between your shoulder blades like he fucking owned you.

“Missed you too much, baby,” he said, watching your eyes go a little wide at the word. “Couldn’t wait until tomorrow.”

He reached out and cupped the hinge of your jaw, his fingers wrapping around the back of your neck and he tugged you closer, his heart beating so fast he was sure that your fucking ex could hear it.

But he didn’t care.

All he cared about was the way your lips felt on his when he kissed you.

Next Chapter

A/N: I mean we can all agree, fuck Brad/Gale.

But also... his presence does get results.

THANKS FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME! Love you!

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #slow burn #halcyon

164 notes · View notes

ennabear · 9 months ago

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professor!abby hcs 😸

daily click | boycott tlou

as i’ve said before, if you have time to read this, you have time to help palestine in whatever ways are possible for you. do your daily click, sign a few petitions, boycott zionist companies, and donate if you can. there are so many amazing resources on tumblr, please please utilize them.

one thing about professor!abby is that she goes crazyyy when it comes to buying more books. her ideal date is strolling around a bookstore together, however, these dates always end with her buying a hundred dollars worth of books.

every single time you let that woman walk into a book store, it’s like you have to keep her on a leash. yes, abby, you can get that one. no, abby, we don’t have bookshelf room for a whole series. she’s unstoppable, she’s like a fat kid in a candy store. but she’s so adorable!!!

her goodreads account is insaneee!!! some of her students follow her, of course. she writes entire in depth reviews about EVERY book she reads. in fact, her favorite part about finishing a book is writing a goodreads review. and you best believe she updates her reading progress every night.

and she’s never not reading a book. she doesn’t prefer to carry a purse or a bag, but she’ll gladly put her book in your bag whenever you go out. she reads EVERYWHERE. at a dinner party? she’s reading. her best friend’s birthday party? she’s reading. at the gay club? reading. and she claims that it’s not rude because “everybody knows i read a lot. if anyone has a problem with it, maybe they’re just not a real friend!!”

she’s a little bit of a coffee freak. a surprising amount of her money goes to buying the most expensive and exotic coffee grounds she can get. there’s nothing she loves more than waking up to you making her coffee before work. sometimes, if she’s feeling extra emotional, she’ll hold your face in her hands and tell you how much she loves you while tearing up. what a big baby she is!!

our girl definitely has anxiety problems. if she ever has to leave the house without you, she’ll text you every 10 minutes asking for advice and reassurance. she trusts you so much, though. your advice is all she’s ever needed.

adding on to the last one, she’s a teeny bit insecure too. her past relationships absolutely wrecked her twenties and she never bothered to start dating again after that. sometimes she thinks she’s too old and unloveable for you, but she’s just being silly. she’s our little kitten princess and she deserves the whole entire world!!!!

on a more positive note, she loves the outdoors. sometimes she’ll wake you up before sun rises and force you to go hiking with her. no matter how much you complain, she knows you still like spending time with her, and the sunrise is always beautiful from her favorite spot.

i think before she became a college professor, she had to student-teach for 3 years, starting with first grade. imagine miss abby with baby muscles going over the spelling bee words with her littles, or playing tag with them at recess. miss abby was definitely their favorite, and a few of her students cried on her last day.

but i don’t think she’d want her own kids, just a dog is fine. it’s too much of a responsibility for her and she wants to dedicate all of her time and energy to you. but she does have a few nieces and nephews from her adopted sister, yara. and she’d be more than happy to babysit.

as much as she loves reading, she likes it more when you read to her. especially because most of the time, she’s exhausted from being awake and grading assignments for so long. so she likes to lay her head on your chest while you read to her, even if you have no idea what’s going on in the book.

watching movies with her is an absolute nightmare. if there was a book version, she’ll keep whispering “god… that’s not what happened in the book.” and then afterwards, she’ll explain everything they changed (aka did wrong) and why the book was so much better.

she definitely has a pair of reading glasses. i don’t think she uses them all the time but sometimes when she’s tired and just wants to read, she’ll use them because they make it easier for her to see the words through her sleepy eyes.

sometimes she so sleepy that she falls asleep while reading. it’s your job to take her book out of her hands and place her bookmark in it before it falls on the floor. on more than one occasion, she’s woken up at 2am to her book face down on the floor, no bookmark, with your head snuggled into her neck. it makes her a little bit grumpy because now, poor poor sleepy abigail has to decide between searching through all of the pages to find the one she was reading last, or taking her girl to bed and tucking her in. such a tough decision!!!

#professor!abby my beloved #aka me on my knees for older women #abby anderson #abby the last of us #abby tlou #the last of us #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x female reader #abby anderson tlou2 #lesbian

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adhdprincess · 6 months ago

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TLOU rec-list for fics with less than 100 kudos!

If you don't have much time to read, rebloging is a great way to show support. Let's uplift these talented fic writers!

Cuddle up with some Fluff

Rest - 3k words, Joel gets sick in Jackson. It's filled to the brim with lots of banter and sweet family-shaped moments. Also, Ellie doesn't live in the shed!

New Seasons - 5k words, Outside of Jackson, Joel gets a migraine. Ellie takes care of him and it’s just so sweet. I have a cavity, guys 🥹 Both by: ABeckoningCat, @inherstars on Tumblr

bear with me - 700 words, Ellie spots a bear outside the walls of Jackson. Joel’s reactions are funny as hell. By: @bearrycool on Ao3 and Tumblr

if i could give you the moon - 4.5k words, 10-year-old Ellie meets Riley. Fluffy shenanigans ensue, wrapped up in a beautiful ending. Happy belated fic-erversary! By: @becomethesun on Ao3 and Tumblr

When the Party's Over - 2k words, Ellie attends a party in Jackson, but her anxiety takes over. Hurt/comfort vibes? Check! Fluff and angst? Double check! By: @paigegonerogue on Ao3 and Tumblr

Tear your heart out with Angst

Dear Shadow, Alive and Well(WIP) - 30k words, A gritty, immersive multi-chapter set after Ellie, Tommy, and Dina return from Seattle. The prose, the imagery, and the dialogue are all BEAUTIFUL! This story has killed me. @wicked--loving--lies I'm throwing you all of the virtual flowers!! 💐 By: Wickedlovinglies, @wicked--loving--lies on Tumblr

Arsonist's Lullaby - 4.5k, A character study of Joel and his relationship with anger. The angst had me clawing at the floor. The writing is AMAZING! By: fae_the_gay27

think I’ll miss you forever… - 1.5k words, A character study of Ellie after the major character death in TLOU2. Beautiful prose and I think I’ll cry actually 😭. By: @crystalflys on Ao3 and Tumblr

March 2, 2038 (tw gore) - 1.5k words, Might be the saddest fic I’ve ever read, but the angst is so good. This takes place right after the major death in TLOU2. By: Three_kittens_in_a_trench_coat

Journey through these AUs!

sangfroid - 3k words, Joel and Tess have an oops baby and it's Ellie. This is so beautiful and has an awesome twist at the end. By: Glitter_Gecko, @seethesunny on Tumblr

Calamity's Child - 10k words, An AU where Joel is a trans man set after the events of TLOU1. It’s very fluffy with a good helping of angst and so well written! By: Fiachra, @consultingzoologist on Tumblr

Ashes denote that Fire was(WIP) - 3.5k words, A firefighter🔥 AU. Ellie is feral, Joel is bewildered, and Tess is a banter queen. This AU is such a fun read! By: @bumblepony on Ao3 and Tumblr

Roll for Halloween Hijacks - 5.5k words, On Halloween, in a no-outbtreak AU, Joel joins Ellie and her friends to play a tabletop game. It’s so fluffy and communal and everyone is alive! By: MichiMe, @freetobeyouandmichi-me on Tumblr & @marceltheshellwithflipflopson on Ao3 and Tumblr

If you read a story and enjoy, consider leaving a comment! Writers love encouraging comments, even if it's just a heart emoji ❤️.

This rec-list is here to uplift the wonderful writing community in this fandom. Please share this around to show support for writers!

Thanks to @saradika-graphics for the divider!

#community day #Not adding a self promo because of SHAME #feel free to add to this list #fic rec #tlou #the last of us #tlou fanfic #the tipsy bison #tlou joel #tlou ellie #tlou fanfiction #joel miller #ellie williams #tlou fan fiction

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garbinge · 11 months ago

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New Year in Jackson

Joel Miller x F!Reader Summary: New Years Eve in Jackson with a grumpy Joel. Warnings: Light angst, grumpy Joel but ends well. A/N: Just a little something for New Years! Happy New Year all <3 Hope to be posting more in 2024! Word Count: 1.5k

TLOU Taglist: @iraot @justreblogginfics @drabbles-mc

“It’s stupid.” Joel mumbled as he pulled out the items from the deep freezer.

“It’s not stupid.” You disagreed with him as you moved behind him.

“I don’t think it’s stupid.” Ellie said under her breath as she sat on Tommy and Maria’s couch, guitar in hand.

“See, Ellie doesn’t think it’s stupid.” You pointed toward her and smiled before your head quickly turned to Joel. His face looked less than pleased, his expression had hardened but that was just what he looked like. When he was genuinely angry you could tell the difference, this was more… annoyed. Which you knew your way around pretty well.

“I was able to grab champagne from the bar.” Tommy’s voice called out, it echoed against the bare walls of the house.

“Tommy was able to grab champagne!” Your voice was chipper, the complete opposite of Joel.

“I like champagne.” Ellie’s curious voice was peaking over Tommy’s shoulder to see what exactly he brought in.

“You’re too young for champagne.” Joel stared down the girl.

“It’s New Years, Joel. Let the girl have a sip.” Tommy’s grin would have earned him a push if company wasn’t around.

“I don’t know why we’re botherin’ with this. Days, weeks, years, what’s it matter?”

You looked up at him, Joel wasn’t exactly happy go lucky everyday but he seemed exceptionally more irritable today. It reminded you of Boston QZ Joel, pre-Jackson Joel. Your eyebrows moved closer together for a minute as you tried to understand what was happening with him but Maria’s voice interrupted your thoughts.

“It’s something fun. Keeps spirits high. Makes life feel semi-normal.”

“I don’t know why we gotta keep track of the years.” His voice seemed to be different, softer in the way Joel’s voice could be softer.

No one answered him, everyone knew it wasn’t really a conversation they could have or an argument they could win with Joel so they just continued talking amongst themselves.

As they talked you made your way around the round kitchen table and wrapped your arm around Joel’s, your head instinctually fell on his shoulder and you let out a sigh. He took his free hand and brought it up to yours, the one that was wrapped around his. He looked down when he felt the roughness across your knuckles, as quickly as he scanned over the dry and red patches he was scanning your face looking for an explanation.

“Traded Seth my good working gloves for the string lights at the bar, for the decorations.” Your head tilted to the inside of the living room that had the lights strung across the ceiling. “Didn’t get a chance to grab a better pair from the market before I went out on patrol last night. They got chapped from the ripped up pair I used.”

You had been here in Jackson just about 3 days but rules were rules. To stay, you had to work. It was the agreement you had come up with Maria and Tommy when Joel and you decided you’d move about 10 miles north where the abandoned farmhouse was. That and you brought in supplies from the farm, sheeps wool, cow milk, chicken eggs and they supplied you with items as well.

“Seth is a fucking asshole.” Joel was caressing your rough skin with his thumb as he cursed under his breath. “I’ll be sure to get ‘em back for you before we leave.”

Leave. You could tell Joel was eager to get back home, he only came this far to humor you, New Years lined up perfectly with your routine supply drop off, which meant you’d stay a little longer than your normal two days. He’d always be internally counting down until the trek back home but since day 2 came and went the countdown was beginning to become more vocal.

“What’s up with you today?” You changed the subject. Sure, you knew what was up, but this seemed more than just wanting to go home, this seemed like something specific was bothering him, and while you knew better of Joel to just tell you what was wrong, you still had to ask.

But apparently it wasn’t just you that wanted to change topics. “Hey.” Joel’s voice was startling to the others in the room.

Ellie froze and looked up, champagne bottle in her right hand and a half-poured glass in her left. “What?”

“Ain’t you a little young?”

The smirk on Ellie’s face was enough to tell you the sarcastic comeback was loading. “Didn’t you just say, I don’t know why we gotta keep track of the years.” The last part of her sentence was spoken in her version of Joel’s voice.

“She’s got you there.” You whispered in hopes that between the smile and the squeeze against his arm he’d back off a little.

The smallest nod was given from Joel and he broke your embrace to escape into the living room.

“Save some for midnight.” You pointed at the girl who was grinning as she poured the glass full.

Leaving Tommy and Maria to be with Ellie, you turned to see Joel sitting with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands running through his hair. It was typical, he had been experiencing panic attacks for years now, it was all the emotion he buried from the last 20 years overflowing out. It wasn’t an awful thing, it meant he started to feel happy again sometimes, which was something you didn’t think you’d ever witness from Joel since meeting him at the Boston QZ. But that also meant the good came with the bad.

The creaking of the floor in the house that belonged to Tommy and Maria normally would have alerted Joel but he was so deep in his head that he didn’t flinch a muscle. Picking up on his lack of awareness, you slowly approached him, not reaching out to touch him or even let your knee brush against his, you figured the sink of the couch to his left would startle him enough. And it did.

His hands released from his head and he looked down at the seat and then up at your face before returning to a similar position to what he was in but this time a bit more relaxed. You could tell the motion pulled him out of his thoughts.

It was silent between you both for a while, the only sounds being in the background of where you were. The sound of Maria walking out the back door, which meant the whining of their guard dog could be heard through the open kitchen window. The sounds of Tommy clinking and clattering as he made a small lunch for Ellie and himself. The murmurs of their chatter filled the silence between Joel and you nicely. Tommy asking Ellie how she likes living on the sheep farm, being away from Jackson. You hoped Joel was listening in, that the confirmation that Ellie loved the farm, loved how empty the sky was, how she had her own room, her own space.

Listening in to their conversation must’ve taken your attention fully away because the sound of Joel’s voice startled you to jump a little.

“This shit reminds me of her.”

A deep breath left your mouth, part of it was to let out the startle you felt when the words left his mouth but the other half was understanding the heaviness of his words. You knew it was the only thing he was going to say on the matter, the only explanation he was going to give as to his attitude and behavior. There was never really any conversation about Sarah, let alone mention of her name. It was always one off comments of her. So you just nodded and placed your hand on his knee.

“You don’t have to do all of this if you can’t. I’ll stay with Tommy and Maria until we get our supplies from them while you and Ellie go back to the house.”

This made Joel frown and look over to you. “Why wouldn’t Ellie stay with you? She seems excited about all this New Year’s nonsense.”

“You haven’t heard her these last few minutes.” Your right hand rested on his knee. It was a statement more than a question, you figured he hadn’t heard her. “She’s been raving about the house, the sheep and how she can see the stars, sometimes even planets.”

Joel’s face had the hint of a smile on it at your words. It made you wish he could have heard them come directly from Ellie because that hint of a smile would have been a full one.

“I think she came because she knew how much I’d enjoy it. You two have that in common.” Your fingers squeezed around his thigh.

It got silent between the both of you again, a comfortable one. Just enjoying the calmness of life around you, something that was hard to come by in this new world you lived in.

“Someone said something about champagne?” Joel was trying his best to be open to the situation, this was his version of going so far as to try and enjoy it.

The smile on your face was one that grew from the warm feeling filling your heart.

“Yea, if Ellie didn’t drink it all.”

#Joel Miller #Joel Miller Fanfiction #Joel Miller Fanfic #The Last of Us HBO #TLOU #TLOU HBO #Joel Miller x Reader #TLOU fanfiction #The last of us fanfiction #tlou hbo fanfiction #The Last of us

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lily-fics-11 · 6 months ago

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Good Luck, Babe! Part 2 (Ellie Williams, TLOU)

Good Luck, Babe! //Ellie Williams, TLOU//

Part 2 (Part 1 here)

(Inspired by Good Luck, Babe! by Chappell Roan)

@dynsdiary made a post about Ellie x closet!reader Good Luck, Babe! by Chappell Roan and I couldn’t go to sleep without writing it so this is not super well edited. Then @fictionalgap mentioned a happy ending to I had to write a part 2 lol

Word count: 2k

CW: Profanities, allusions to sex, internalized homophobia, drinking, minimal editing

With tears blurring your vision you watch Ellie leave. Her hands are in her pockets and she is walking with her usual swagger, but almost stomping, and at a quick pace. She should have done this a long time ago, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. It’s heartbreaking to see Ellie disappear into the night, but even more so knowing how hurt she is. You force yourself to watch her go, as a punishment for all that you’ve done. It’s the least you can do to try and repent for your sins.

The other bar patrons standing around don’t pay much attention after the yelling stops, but you still wish you could get the hell out of town and never return. For both your sake, and Ellie’s. Not that running away is what you really want. Ideally, Ellie would take you back, her arms out like an angel, which is what she would be if she ever forgives you. But Ellie has never been one to forgive or forget. You want to be Ellie’s girl, for everyone to see, but you are too late.

In trying not to blow up your life you’ve set fire to the one thing that actually made it worth living. Yes, you still have your friends and family, but Ellie falls into both of those categories. She knows you better than anyone, because no one has ever made you feel as comfortable as she does. Ellie makes you laugh harder than anyone else, wipes away your tears, and gives you everything she has. Though you give her the same, you've always done so behind closed doors. Ellie doesn’t always know what to say, but that has never stopped her from trying. Even if she has to resort to using puns as a distraction from whatever you are feeling.

That argument sobered you up quite a bit. You would shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling, but Ellie was right, it’s only a temporary solution.

Going home immediately would be ideal. However, Ellie’s house is on your way and she is already angry enough. Having to see you would probably just piss her off more. That girl has been through more than enough. Even if she had time to cool off, the sight of you would only be a bitter reminder of everything that’s gone down. Leaving in 10 minutes will give her more than enough time to get home before you even start walking and prevent any unnecessary interaction.

You felt nothing when you kissed guys. The kisses you’ve shared with girls had sparks. But kissing Ellie ignited the brightest, most colorful, fireworks.

Ellie is the only person you have ever loved, but you’ve had quite a few crushes on girls over the years, and even a few flings, despite having convinced yourself you just really wanted to be their friend or were just messing around. They were all special in their own way, but would never compare to Ellie.

As you sit and wait you decide it’s time to make a confession. You owe it to yourself, and to Ellie.

“I’m gay,” you whisper out loud. Then you whisper it a few more times before you can finally say “I’m gay” at a regular volume. You would yell it at yourself if it weren’t for the other people hanging around, you’ll have to do it when you get home. What’s the point of exposing yourself when the only reason to is gone?

Thinking about the future Ellie had described forces you to ask yourself what do you really want in life when it comes to love? You’ve been pushing who you are down so hard that you haven’t ever been able to think about it before. You would never allow yourself to even dream, because it made you feel sick to your stomach.

Finally allowing the thoughts to flood in, there is much less to unpack than anticipated. There really is only one thought. Ellie Williams.

You could’ve had everything, but you were too immature, too insecure, to take what was being offered to you. The only way you could forgive yourself would be if Ellie did so first, which she is not known to do. Not that you even have a right to her forgiveness, after everything you put her through. So however many years you live, is how long you will be hating yourself.

Sure, there are other girls out there, but none of them even quite like Ellie. You may be young, but she is without a doubt the love of your life. Or she was, now she is nothing more than the loss of your life. Ellie will move on one day, and you will have to watch from afar, grateful that she has found the happiness she deserves, though it will kill you to watch that happiness come from someone else.

Ellie Williams is just about the only thing in your head and you know she won’t ever leave.

After ten minutes you walk home, feet shuffling, shoulders hunched, head hung low. When you turn onto Ellie’s street you cross to the other side, avoiding close proximity. Your heart rate increases exponentially the further you walk. You smell weed, Ellie must be out smoking on the front porch. You look straight ahead and veer into the darkness, out of the illumination cast by the street lights. Silence had been your goal, but in order to stay in the darkness you had to step through a bush… and it rustles. “Fuck” you whisper to yourself. Without a doubt, Ellie’s hypervigilance hears the sound.

“Who is that? Why are you skulking around in the dark?” Ellie’s voice calls across the street. You can tell she is suspicious and ready to start a fight.

“I-it’s me.” You step back into the light. “I figured you wouldn’t want to see me.” You panic and take off at a run. “Wait!” Ellie calls and you stop dead in your tracks. That was the last thing you expected. It would have made more sense if she had cursed you out. Slowly, you look over your shoulder to see her standing up, holding onto the railing and leaning over it ever so slightly.

“I want to talk to you,” she grumbles, crossing her arms, just loud enough for you to hear.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve just crossed through someone's backyard or something. I’ll do that from now on.”

Ellie shakes her head and takes a hit, then slowly exhales a cloud of smoke. “That’s not it.”

You turn around to face her. “I know where and when you hang around town. I promise I'll stay away.”

“Just come over here,” she say and motions with her hand. You can hear bitterness in her voice, but not the anger you expected.

You walk over and stand in front of Ellie as she sits down on the steps. She continues smoking as her knee starts to bounce. “I’ve decided to give you the chance to talk. But only one chance.”

You gulp, feeling the weight of the immense pressure.

“I know you won’t forgive me, and that I don’t even deserve it, but I still have to tell you how fucking sorry I am. I’ve made you, the unbreakable Ellie Williams, cry, and that’s not fair. You deserve someone who loves you for the world to see, without caring what they think. Even though I’m ready now, I know I'm too late. I'm a fucking fool. I wanted to stop the world just to stop the feeling, so I had to stop you, because you are my world. I should have called it love so that you didn’t have to call it off.”

Ellie’s eyes are wide as she bites her lip. She pats the spot next to her for you to sit down. You sit as far away from her as you can and avoid looking directly at her, only able to see her in your peripheral vision.

Legs spread casually, and elbows resting on her knees, Ellie starts her explanation of her uncharacteristic behavior. “Normally I would cut off anyone who hurt me this badly. But on the walk home, I remembered that you aren’t just anyone.” Her audible disdain is all but gone, replaced by a sense of yearning.

You can finally take your first deep breath since before the argument. “Thank you for taking the time to talk to me, I know this can’t be easy for you. I really appreciate it.”

She just nods as she takes a drag. “You’ve been thinking too, haven’t you, about everything I've said.”

She has managed to make you laugh a little, the way only she can, something you thought you would never experience again. “You know me so well, don’t you. But yes, and you were right. I could kiss a hundred boys in bars, I could even kiss a thousand girls in bars…” you trail off.

“Well kissing girls is kind of the whole point, guess. All though I was thinking about just one girl in particular…” Ellie sounds so disappointed.

You finally look over at her and meet her mesmerizing gaze. “I could kiss every girl on the planet, but not a single kiss would matter unless it was with you. When I wake up in the middle of the night, and think about you all those years ago, I want it to be because I’m watching you sleep in our bed in our house. I’d listen to you breathe, and smile at the way your nose twitches when you are dreaming. I’d be grateful that I’ve gotten to spend my life with you.”

Ellie’s breath hitches and she searches your eyes like a human lie detector. “Did you really mean it, when you called it… love?”

“Yes. I love you. I really really love you. I’m so in love with you that I was afraid of it. But I also love you enough to stop making excuses and coming up with stupid reasons.” You look out into the darkness and yell, not caring who hears, "I'm gay and I’m in love with Ellie Williams!”

“I love you too baby.” No tone is left in her voice aside from an air of wonder when Ellie laughs and puts her toned arm around you, pulling you against her warm body.

“You’re like an angel,” you whisper, lost in her beautiful eyes.

“If I’m from heaven I can’t imagine what you think hell looks like.”

“It’s full of men,” you sigh.

“Fair enough,” Ellie chuckles.

“So are we.. something?” You murmur.

Ellie places a gentle kiss on your forehead. “I don’t know how you haven’t gotten it through your pretty head, but I’m absolutely in love with you. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be my girlfriend and show you off.”

You reach out and stroke her freckled cheek. “Then show me off. Let’s go back to the bar. Show every guy I kissed that I’m your girl. I want everyone in town to know that I’m the Ellie Williams' girlfriend.

Ellie’s eyes light up and she bites back a smile. “If I’m the Ellie Williams than you are the most amazingly beautiful girl there ever was. It’s really the least you can do, let me emasculate every sorry bastard in town, they’ll be shitting themselves knowing the best girl we have is mine.”

You nod shyly. “Yeah. You deserve a girl that’s proud to be yours, and I am.”

Ellie kisses your temple before taking one last drag from her joint. The two of you walk together, her arm around your shoulders and yours around her waist.

“I’ve always wanted to dance with you, can we dance together?” You ask shyly.

“Of course baby,” she tells you with a dreamy look in her eyes before giving you a quick kiss.

The two of you are all giggles and smiles on the way back, though it doesn’t stop Ellie from teasing you and telling you owe her big time.

As a happy couple, you two approach the bar and no one outside even takes a second glance at you, too occupied by their cigarettes and drunken conversations. You walk through the door, ahead of Ellie, holding her hand as you push through the crowd. Any man that would normally pay attention to you does, but the only person who you take notice of is your guy friend that you had promised a date to. Oops, you’ll have to deal with that at some point but now is a time to celebrate.

You quickly look back at Ellie and smile after accidentally making eye contact with him. “I really want to punch that guy in the face.” She murmurs, glaring at him. Nonetheless, her rough exterior melts away when she looks back at you. Anyone who saw the way Ellie looks at you would think that you put every star in the night sky, just for her.

Taking a spot in the middle of the dance floor, you put your arms around Ellie’s neck and she grabs you by the waist to pull you close. The music isn’t the right tempo, but you start slow dancing like you are the only ones in the room. You lean in to give her a real kiss. No cheek, or forehead, or peck on the lips. You want to show her just how much you love her. Ellie’s soft lips move in sync with yours and you aren’t even thinking about all of the people around you. When you finally pull away Ellie says “Baby, I can’t believe you’re really mine.”

“Well, I am. You’re stuck with me. Good luck, babe!”

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cowgurrrl · 2 years ago

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“I want to be great or nothing.”

Summary: When world famous rockstar Joel Miller finds himself in some hot water with the press, his PR team suggests fake dating an up and coming actress to refine his image. However, when they actually start spending time together, the happy couple can’t stand each other. Will they be able to turn it around for the cameras or will it all be for nothing?

Warnings: smut indicated with an asterisk, tlou au, fake dating, enemies to ???, Sarah is alive :D

01. Smile You’re on Camera [1.7k]

02. When The Sun Goes Down [2.6k]

03. BWFW [3.8k]

04. Kiwi [3.8k]

05. A plea for tenderness* [7.3k]

06. Blueberry Pancakes* [4.5k]

07. Losing My Cool [1.1k]

08. Never Thought [3.5k]

09. Layla [2.3k]

10. Pine Point [4.7k]

11. Old Friends Die Hard [3.6k]

12. Too Close [2.5k]

13. The Chain [2.6k]

14. From the Dining Table [4.5k]

15. Wonderfully Bizarre [1.2k]

🎸🎸🎸

Drabbles

A Soulmate Who Wasn’t Meant to Be: You settle into life without Joel

Night Shift: Joel settles into life without you

Tennessee Whiskey: A (somewhat) quiet night as you and Joel adjust to sharing life again

Thank God I Found You: You and Joel talk about going public with your relationship

Gold Dust Woman: Oscars season with Joel

The Actress: Red carpet interviews with Joel

Je te laisserai des mots: You and Joel realize forever doesn’t sound too bad

I Want To Marry You: Joel asks you The Question

Kiss Me Once, and Kiss Me Twice: You and Joel get married

Heavy Metal Drummer: When Joel’s drummer suddenly drops out, who better to fill in than the girl who’s been there since the beginning?

Just A Boy: Joel struggles with your newest cast mate

Small Bump: You tell the girls you’re pregnant

Beautiful Boy: You and Joel find out the gender of your baby

Hayloft: Joel being protective of his family

Choreomania: Sammy tries to figure out if he likes what his dad does

Brooklyn Baby: You and Joel welcome your son

Iris: Sarah and Ellie hold Sam for the first time

Hey Me, Hey Mama: Mother’s Day

Jackie and Wilson: A night in the Miller household

Little Wonders: When Mom Guilt takes over, Joel finds a way to support you

Mama’s Boy: Sam’s going through a phase

Daydream Believer: Daisy seems to know something you don’t

As It Was: You and Joel have an announcement

At Last: Sam doesn’t seem to know the difference between real life and acting

Daylight: An almost perfect Texas day with the Millers

Yo Gotti: You and Joel read thirst tweets together

Beautiful Girls: Your first night at home with your twins

Love You: Joel being the best dad to tiny baby angels

How Could I Not Love You?: A special day

Unknown: You find out Violet has asthma

I’m Still Standing: Actors on Actors: You and Carolina Garcia-Long

My Girls: The first of many Sophia and Violet days

Lucky: The girls are going through a phase

Girls On Film: Joel accidentally starts discourse

I’m Just Ken: A Halloween fashion show with the Millers

Live from New York: You and Joel take on SNL

Please Come Home for Christmas: The Christmas season with the Millers

Wildflower and Barley: Jealous joel

Bug: The BuzzFeed Puppy Interview

Salad Days: The t-shirt coup

The Millers: A Year in The Life: A documentary about your lives

So This Is Love: A Beach Day

Good Old Days: A SAG-AFTRA Career Retrospective

🎸🎸🎸

Extras 🤠

Joel and sundress season*

Dancing with Joel

Your instagram story 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

ACL with the Millers

Joel’s tattoos

You and Joel find out you’re having a baby

Your reaction to questions about kids

Family headcanons

Random thoughts 1

Random thoughts 2

Honeymoon with Joel

Actress!reader freaking out about Joel on Instagram

Talking about your relationship with Joel

Sammy Insta posts

Family instagram posts

Sophia and Violet

Birthday headcanons

What the kids do later in life

Text threads :D 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

The kids’ instagrams

Grandpa Joel

Grandpa Joel pt. 2

Instagram stories: Barbie edition

Random family thoughts

#one for the money two for the show #the last of us #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller fic #joel tlou #the last of us x reader #joel miller the last of us #the last of us au #the last of us fluff #Joel au #joel the last of us #joel miller x female reader #joel miller fluff

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elliespuns · 3 months ago

Note

hello!! first of all, i don't intend to say this as a way to create a fuss or anything like that, i just see your blog as a space where we can debate a lot of tlou related topics and i want to know your opinion about it :-) anyways, while i did enjoy the hbo series, i also think it was very flawed in translating both joel and ellie's personalities - but i want to focus on joel's atm.

i don't think joel is "insensitive" on the game, but i do believe the fact that he tried so hard to hide his feelings and barely ever showed his soft side is a SUPER important characteristic of his.

i don't mind the way pedro played joel but at the same time i just cannot see both of them as the same man. and i don't talk only about the scenes where joel was visibly anxious or cried, but also the torture scene. i think it is one of the most iconic scenes on the game (also, I'm the one who asked you to take pics of it a couple weeks ago LOL) specially cause it shows us joel doesn't have to go out of his way to be a menace. the fact that pedro had to scream and etc to make them fear him bothers me sooo much.

i think pedro was more than capable to play a joel that is both too much of a father figure for his own good AND a tough son of a b*tch that can and will kill people with his bare hands to protect whatever is important to him.

from my point of view, crying during the "i saved her" scene is really out of character for game joel. when the guy just confesses he killed a bunch of people, "doomed" the whole world just to keep his little girl safe and then lied straight to her face, but his expression shows no hint of sadness whatsoever, that, for me, is the peak of his character.

"if somehow the lord gave me a second chance at that moment, i'd do it all over again". of course he's hurt that ellie doesn't trust him anymore, and of course he wasn't exactly happy to kill those fireflies, but he did what he thought was right and he'd rather have ellie hate him for another thousand years to come than know he just left such a sweet girl to die in the hands of a crumbling group, in the name of a cause he never really cared about. he knows his actions will have consequences but he doesn't cry cause he is willing to die for it (and he really did).

sorry for rambling but i really want to read other people's opinion about it!!

First of all, I love how perfectly you've just described game Joel. This is exactly how I feel about our man, and even if I tried, I could never put it into words like this. Hands down, bro, this is so well said.

Both Ellie and Joel were portrayed differently in the show (it's not the worst thing; I know that people who don't follow the game fell in love with these versions of them, and for them it's as magical as it was for us when playing), but I guess, for the game lovers, it's harder to see past this fact simply because getting to love a character and having to learn everything there is about them, growing up with them only to find out the creators (people who gave them this exceptional and amazing character) didn't care enough to stick to what they came up with is kind of a bummer. I mean, you can choose to ignore it on the screen, but yet it's something so 'palpable' you have to watch with a little *sigh* in your mind.

"It shows us joel doesn't have to go out of his way to be a menace. the fact that pedro had to scream and etc to make them fear him bothers me sooo much."

I agree. Game Joel has this death stare that makes people fear from miles away while show Joel doesn't. I think Pedro could pull it out without a blink of an eye—if only they'd given him this Joel to play.

People say that making show Joel more "sensitive" was to make him more realistic because in the game, the characters are portrayed as having to deal with the impossible (like killing 10 clickers and a bloater without any damage, etc.), while in the show, he's a real man, so real attributes and emotions are needed. I get that; that makes perfect sense. But I still also agree with folks who say that keeping Joel's "detached" and "thin-skinned" characteristics wouldn't hurt anyone because what's unrealistic about that?

Game Joel and show Joel are completely different characters in my head. I love them both. I can switch them in my head and tune into both Joels, but I still prefer the game when it comes to the story and the character Joel is.

It's funny because when I watch show Joel, I can't help but see a puppy version of game Joel, tbh. Pedro is literally able to play anything, so his version of "sensitive" Joel serves me just right when I tune into the show. But knowing Pedro would kill the "callous" and "unaffected" version of Joel, and it bugs me so much we'll never get to see it.

Btw, I'm working on your request, more photos of Joel torturing David's men are coming!

#the last of us #tlou #joel miller #joel tlou #the last of us game #the last of us hbo #troy baker #pedro pascal #elliespuns answers

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bingbongsupremacy · 6 months ago

Text

Maybe Someday

Pairing: Joel Miller x older!Reader

Warnings: Idk anything about horses or how to prep them for rides.

Summary: You've been hardcore crushing on your neighbor Joel Miller since the day he, Tess and Ellie arrived in Jackson. Rumor has it he's in a relationship with Tess. Maybe someday he'll finally return your feelings.

*Not Proof Read* TLOU Masterlist

I did my best not to mention anything very descriptive in this. Nothing about looks, gender, race, etc. If I messed up on anything please let me know. Thank you!

*****

" Stop day dreaming about Joel and get back to work, will ya? I'm trying to be out of here before I turn 90. " Maria's tone is laced with amusement.

I snap my eyes away from the man across the street. A warm rush crawls up my cheeks and I quickly turn my attention to the horse in front of me. " I'm not staring at anyone. " I argue, making sure Maria's horse's stirrups are secured properly.

" Sure, Y/N. " Maria chuckles slightly before getting up on the horse.

A small gruff laughter snaps my attention right back to Joel. He pats Ellie on the head before hopping onto his horse. Our eyes don't meet as he walks past the stall, his attention fully on the kid walking besides him.

" You know, there someone new in town I think you'd get along with. " Maria hums. " He's one of the new ones we brought in last week. "

I shake my head. " I'm good Maria. "

" What? Why? " Maria asks while we walk out of the stalls.

My nose scrunches at the thought of the last blind date Maria set me up on . The man was anything but a charmer, insisting on asking uncomfortable questions the moment we met up at the bar. Todd still winks at me whenever we happen to run into each other. " You don't have the best record for blind dates. "

" That's not true. " Maria shakes her head. " Sure, a few of them were misses, sure. But what about Jimmy? He was definitely a looker. "

I roll my eyes. " Maria! "

" What? I'm married, not dead. " She chuckles. The early morning sun sends a small glow over Jackson, making the normally bustling town seem slightly abandoned. Most people aren't out of their homes yet.

" He's only about 10 years younger than me. He was attractive though, I'll give you that. " Maria's obsession with setting me up on blind dates is at times, irritating. I understand she wants me to feel the same happiness she feels with Tommy, I'd just rather find it on my time. Besides, it wouldn't be fair to date someone while my mind's stuck on Joel.

I shouldn't be this flustered at the thought of our past conversations. They've always been polite and...normal. No romance in sight. Nothing worthy of replaying in my head over and over.

Somehow my heart doesn't seem to understand. When I look at Joel I feel like a teenager with a strong crush on a kid in their class. It's...ridiculous. I'm not a teenager and I haven't been for years.

So why doesn't this stupid crush understand?

" Just give it a shot, will you? One last time. If this one ends badly, I'll let go of all this forever. "

Maria and I arrive at the gate where Joel, Tommy and one of the newer residents are waiting.

" Fine. One shot. " I sigh.

A grin breaks out on Maria's face. " I'll let him know. "

I really don't understand why I agreed. Every blind date I've ever gone on has ended up in either heartbreak or disappointment. I guess part of me hopes she's finally setting me up with the one man I really want her to.

He has a girlfriend.

Maybe. They haven't fully come out as a couple. The lingering touches are hard to ignore though.

It's never going to happen. I need to drop it.

" Safe trip guys. " I smile at the patrol groups around the gate.

I watch as the group disappears outside of the gates. With a sigh, I turn around and head back to the stables.

Maybe this date turn out okay.

+++++

I was wrong.

I'm going to kill Maria.

It's been half an hour and I'm already thinking of ways to lose this guy.

" I'd protect you. With me, you have nothing to worry about. " Ryan states confidently while taking a swig from his moonshine. " I've killed so many of those freaks, it's child's play now. "

This man has spent the last ten minutes raving about his excellent infected killing skills.

We're in a world surrounded with infected every day, what on earth makes him think I want to think about it more?

" Mhm. " I hum while taking a sip of my own drink.

I glance around the very busy bar. It's a Friday night after all, everyone and their mother is here. My eyes land on Joel's familiar form. He's seated a few feet away at the bar, his back completely to the table Ryan and I are at.

I was so preoccupied with drinking enough alcohol to help me tolerate the man across from me that I hadn't realized he'd sat down.

" I've had a really good time with you. " Ryan smiles widely.

Wish I could say the same. He spent the entire time talking. I could hardly get a word in. I've never seen a person with so much to say. Now that I think about it, I've never met someone with such a big ego either. You'd think this guy saved humanity or something.

Stop. Be polite.

I force a smile. " I completely agree. " I lie through clenched teeth. I'm counting down the minutes until it turns 10. I told Maria I'd stay an hour and I intend to follow through with that but man is this guy making it hard.

A short, gruff chuckle softly fills my ears. I glance over at Joel. He takes a swig of his drink, trying to hide the fact he was laughing.

He's listening.

" You know, when Maria said she was going to set me up with an older person, I have to admit, I was a bit hesitant at first. "

" Oh? " I raise an eyebrow at Ryan's remark. Where is he going with this?

Maria hadn't told me she was setting me up with another younger guy. She'd probably thought I would've immediately shot the idea down. She wasn't wrong.

Ryan nods. " Yeah, I've had my fair share of fucking old timers and I usually get stuck doing all the work but I have a feeling you're different. "

What the actual fuck.

I stare at the man across from me in shock. " Excuse me? " What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? Thank you?

" What I'm trying to say is, I think you're hot. We should go back to my place. Have a little fun, if you know what I mean. " Ryan smirks while making a gesture with his hand.

Well, that took a turn.

I shake my head, pushing myself away from the table. " I'm not interested. Thanks for the drink, but I should be going. " I grab my jacket and begin to pull it on.

So much for trying to make it to an hour. This guy is insane.

" Wait, you don't have to go. We could have fun. You look like the type to need a little more fun in your life. " Ryan stands up after me.

" Seriously, I'm ok. You have a good night. " I turn to leave.

Ryan quickly grabs my arm, trying to prevent me from leaving. " I literally gave you a fucking compliment a few minutes ago. You should be grateful I'm even willing to sleep with someone like you. I fucking lowered my standards for this. "

" Please let go of me. " I attempt to seem less shaken then I am.

Ryan doesn't listen. " You owe me. "

" Let go. " Joel's suddenly right next to Ryan. " Or I'll help you let go. "

Ryan glares at Joel. " What's your deal, man? This is a private conversation. Butt the fuck out. "

Joel ignores him, wrapping his hand over Ryan's. He yanks Ryan's arm off of me. " My 'deal' is you're a complete asshole who doesn't understand when someone is saying no. "

Ryan pulls his arm away from Joel, his face turning red from rage. " Fuck you, man. "

Joel's eyes darken. " Get the fuck out of this bar. If I see you around Y/N again you're a dead man. "

The threat sends a cold shiver down my spine. He's serious. There's no way he's not.

Ryan looks like he's about to say something else when Joel sends him a sharp look. Without another word, Ryan pushes past me, completely ignoring me in the process. "

The drama caused a few people to tune into the conversation.

Slightly embarrassed, I try to focus on Joel. " Thank you. " I mumble, rubbing my arm slightly. Even though his hand is gone, I can still feel how hard he was holding onto me.

This could've gone so badly tonight if Joel wasn't here. Thank god he was here.

" No need to thank me. That guy was a fucking asshole. Here, let me buy you a drink. I'm sure you're shaken up after that. " Joel gestures to the empty barstool near his abandoned seat.

I hesitate for a moment. Part of me wants to go back to the safety of my home. The other part is eager to have a chance to talk with Joel again. Deep down, I'm also slightly afraid Ryan might be waiting outside to get back at me.

" Sure. " I agree, taking a seat. The counter is sticky and cool under my arms.

Now that the drama is over, everyone's returned back to their previous conversations.

" Are you alright? " Joel asks.

I let out a sigh. " Just a little shaken up. And...confused. " let out a small uncomfortable laugh. " That was the most fucking confusing date of my life. I can't believe Maria tried to set me up with someone who talks like that. "

Joel grunts. " She's so invested in playing cupid that she's completely forgotten some people shouldn't be dating. "

" You've got that right. I'm pretty sure she's just setting me up with anyone who's available at this point. " I shake my head and gently swirl the alcohol the bartender handed to me. " I am never dating again. "

" That's a shame. " Joel takes a sip of his cup, his eyes trained in front of him. " I would've liked to take you out. "

What? My heart pounds.

My eyebrows furrow in confusion. " Aren't you dating Jess? "

Joel's eyes widen as he looks over at me. " Jess? "

I nod slowly. " Yeah, aren't you guys dating? "

Joel shakes his head. " No. We're...we're not dating. We used to for a brief while before we came to Jackson, but things didn't work out. She fell in love with another guy. "

Whoa. I really read that wrong.

" Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea. "

Joel shakes his head. " It's all good. We weren't right for each other. " Joel is silent for a moment. " I'm sorry he treated you like that tonight. "

I shrug. " It's alright. It's what it is. "

" No, it's not. Nobody should be treated like that, especially you. " Joel turns so he's slightly facing me. " Look, I know you're not interested in dating again right now, but if you ever change your mind I'd love to take you out. Show you how a date should really go. "

Butterflies begin to flutter in my stomach. This is like a dream come true.

" I'd love that. " I reply with a grin. " I might have to take you up on that offer. I think I'm just not interested in blind dates anymore. "

A small smile breaks onto Joel's face, a rare sight. " Sounds like a plan then. How does tomorrow night sound? "

" Perfect. "

#fanfiction #fanfic #x reader #x you #x female reader #joel miller x plus size reader #joel miller x reader #tlou fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #xreader #x chubby reader #x plus size reader #the last of us x reader #reader x character

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joelalorian · 5 months ago

Text

Masterlist

Welcome to the madness that is my medicated mind! Hope you find something you enjoy. 18+ MDNI, warnings/tags included on each individual fic. No use of y/n, ever.

Series

Tides of Desire: TLOU no outbreak AU. Joel Miller is a luxury yacht captain running charters in the Caribbean. You join the crew as a deckhand and unexpectedly complicate Joel's peaceful existence. Basically the TLOU bunch on a Below Deck yacht. Complete.

Fall Into Me: dbf!Joel x f!reader. Joel is hanging on by a thread as a single father to a tenacious 10-year-old Sarah. Feeling like he's drowning, like the world is about to spit him out, he needs some help before he breaks in half. At your dad's insistence, you show up in his life and change everything. Complete.

Petals of Affection: A cozy, floral mystery in three parts featuring Jackson!Joel x f!reader. A secret admirer gifts you a different flower and a riddle ten times before you put the clues together and discover that he's been right in front of your face the whole time. Complete.

One-Shots

Lost Cause: Joel thinks you shouldn’t waste your time on him. You disagree. Inspired by the song Save Me by Jelly Roll. Some of the lyrics have been woven into the story.

One-Shots

Fevered Flame: Marcus Pike x f!reader. When Marcus Pike lost himself in work after that debacle with Teresa, he didn’t expect to take on a sizzling new case in the quirky town of Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. Nor did he expect to meet you, an up-and-coming agent also looking for a fresh start. An unprecedented heatwave, mind-boggling art thefts, ancient Aztec legends, this case had the works. How would he ever solve the case with the temperature rising between you both?

Series

Lycoris Radiata - Coming Soon!

One-Shots

Blown Away: How were you to know that Dave York blowing you a kiss in a quaint coffee shop one morning would change your life?

Whisked Away: Dave York is full of surprises. A secret getaway leads to the next step in your life with Dave. A follow-up to Blown Away, but could be read as a standalone.

One-Shots

beneath the silent boughs, whispers of danger flow: An adventure planned to impress you goes sideways, leaving Frankie scrambling to get you both out alive. Summer Lovin 2024 challenge fic.

Beacon of Hope: Rough weather leads to a helicopter crash. Is it real or all delirium? Written for @/almostfoxglove's angst challenge.

neighborhood watch: When someone - or something - starts causing mischief around your new neighborhood, you and your neighbor Frankie are paired up for the new neighborhood watch.

my skin in your teeth: Seems like everyone in the house wants to sink their teeth into Frankie in one way or another. A neighborhood watch sequel for #fucktober.

Sweetness in the Stars: While prospecting on a recently colonized moon, Ezra discovered a strawberry patch amidst the lush forests. Knowing how you missed the sweet fruit and longing for a way to get closer to you, he took you back to the grove to harvest the juicy, plump berries. Afterwards, Ezra treats you to an unexpected, sweet treat. Happy Pedro Hours charcuterie challenge fic.

a hero's blessing: The Norse goddess Frith weaves the fabric of destiny for every living being. A Norwegian gift of a thousand thanks unlocks a destiny which Marcus did not see coming. An Offering of Frith challenge fic.

Through Every Lifetime: Two souls find each other through every lifetime when love refuses to give up. A Roll-A-Trope challenge fic.

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citrusrei · 1 year ago

Text

In Every Lifetime.

Joel Miller x Reader MDNI 18+ Summary You fell for a man before the world went to hell. Nearly 20 years later, he’s there again in a different lifetime. Genre: a lil angst if you look at it right, Smut, fluff TLOU!Universe Word Count: 10.7k Warnings: Post-Outbreak!Joel, aggressive situations, a couple of hasslers, smut (piv ~unprotected~, fingering, hand jobs, creampies (again), slight breeding kink maybe? vocal dirty joel, mutual masturbation), age gap (14 years, joel is older duhh) lots of good Ol’ soft Joel, slightly possessive joel (again cause i love him), insecure joel :( happy ending cause my heart couldn’t take a sad one *please imagine whichever Joel you’d like whether it’s pedro’s or videogame joel cause I pictured both at certain points.*

AN: This is truly one of my fav things I’ve ever written lol Joel is so babygirl in it i’m crine. also this can be read as a one shot if u haven’t read the first one~ (but read the first one hehe)

pt. 1

listen to these as you read~

Life after the apocalypse was nothing anyone could have anticipated. Before the outbreak, you’d seen countless movies about zombies or the undead, or infected. But this was different. It wasn’t a virus, or a bio-weapon used to control the population. A fungus. A fungus that just so happened to mutate and create this global panic.

The night it happened you were with a friend of yours testing out a new club downtown. Everything was great. The drinks were cheap and tasty, the music was amazing, the vibe was just immaculate. You and your friend Holly danced, drank, and sang the night away. A little before 11:00pm is when things got strange. The music changed, slower now. Holly asked if you wanted another drink to which you declined, but followed her to the bar anyways.

“Another sex on the beach please!” she urged.

“You’re addicted to those, ya know?” You laughed, shaking your head.

She laughed with you, “I am not! They’re just so delicious I can’t help myself.”

As the bartender handed Holly her drink, you sent Joel a quick text asking him how his birthday was. You’d been taking things slow since the night you and him finally hooked up. He had admitted his feelings for you and you were right there with him. The both of you decided to give each other a shot. You had wanted to see him today but he had told you he was working a double and wouldn’t be home until late so you had planned something with him later in the week.

- 10:45pm Joel <3: Got home a couple hours ago. Sarah wanted to watch a movie and knocked out. Lil girl can’t run with the big dogs.

- 10:45pm Me: lol hopefully she got to see at least a bit of it! Holly dragged me to this club tonight and I’m kind of over it. Would rather be in bed with you rn 😉

- 10:46pm Joel <3: You got no idea how much I'd like that bout now darlin. You got me all weekend.

- 10:46pm Me: You better promise me that, Joel Miller!

- 10:46pm Joel <3: Promise.

- 10:49pm Joel <3: Tommy just called me. He’s in the county jail. I gotta go get him... text you in a bit.

- 10:51pm Me: You’re kidding...... jesus Tommy. But ok. Text me once you get him. Talk soon <3

You slid your phone into your bra and sighed, not surprised that Tommy found himself in a predicament like that. He was so headstrong and stubborn. You wondered what had happened to him.

“Everything okay?” Holly asked. You nodded but still you were unsure. Your eyes floated to a couple on the dance floor as your eyebrows knitted together. The woman began to twitch, her limbs snapping in different, odd directions. It continued a moment. People around her began to notice and step away, creating a circle around her. The man she was with held on to her as an attempt to keep her steady. She fell to the ground, her body still moving slightly. As this happened, the man pulled his cellphone out, most likely trying to call 911. In the blink of an eye, she rose to her feet, jumping on to the man in front of her and sinking her teeth into his neck. It physically startled you as you latched onto Holly’s arm. “We need to leave.” You said, eyes never leaving the woman, the crowd now starting to panic. People dispersed in a matter of moments. You could see someone trying to pry the woman off the man who laid what looked to be lifeless on the ground. That person suffered the same fate. She was on him in an instant.

Holly looked around and realized what was going on before pushing you towards the door. Once outside, everyone was scrambling. And not just people from the club but the man across the street, locking his bail bond business up or people fleeing from a nearby diner a few doors down. It was mania. Your heart was pounding in your chest as you looked around a moment, not exactly sure where to go or what to do.

C’mon, ___! We gotta get to my car!” You followed Holly down the street to where she had her car parked when suddenly a horde of people ran by, being chased by what seemed to be someone covered in blood. Mucous and viscera gargled from his mouth as the sounds echoed through the street. The man dove to an older woman in front of him and began his attack. Holly screamed at the event which cause the man to turn his attention to her. He swung his arm out for her, grabbing her wrist and pulling her forward. You leapt into action, grabbing her body and pulling her back to you with such force, you could feel her back pop.

“Come on, run!” You screamed. The two of you sprinted to her car, not even minding the fact that both your heels had broken off in the process. She started the ignition and sped off, driving anywhere besides here.

“What the fuck is happening?!” She yelled, checking her rearview mirror to make sure no one was following.

“I’m not sure. I need to call Joel.” You pulled your phone out and dialed his number, but it went straight to voicemail. “Fuck!” You called a few more people, Tommy, your mom, your sister. No one answered.

“I gotta get home, ___. My-My son... I left him with the babysitter.” Holly cried, tears flowing now as she thought of all the possibilities of what could be happening to her child.

“Okay- It’s okay. We’ll go get him.”

You and Holly sped to her home, not minding the speed limit as literally no one was. You both got to her house without a hitch, thankfully. However, upon arriving you noticed the door was wide open. Holly’s eyes widened.

“Stay here. I’m going to go in.” She breathed, shaking so bad she could barely unbuckle her seatbelt.

You nodded, checking your phone again and seeing you had a missed call from Tommy. You called him back immediately. It rang once, “Tommy! Hello? Can you hear me?”

“___! I can hear you but barely.” He was staticky. The call was barely hanging on. “Where are you? Are you safe?”

Tears began to prick your eyes as he spoke, his voice comforting you. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m with Holly. We’re getting her son. What is happening? Are you with Joel? Is Sarah okay?”

Tommy sighed, “I’m not sure. It’s a mad house. Av-oid downtown bu-t drive west. We’re over that w-ay. I was with Joel and Sarah b-ut I got sep-arate-d. Meet us p-ast the theater o-n the west side, okay? I got to g-” Suddenly the call dropped, showing no signal. At the same time Holly ran out with her son RJ in her arms. She set him in the back seat and jumped into hers, her tires squealing as she backed out of her drive way. Just as she pulled out, the babysitter came running out of her front door, growling animalistically. Your eyes flashed from her to RJ, checking for any wounds which you found none. He was bawling, completely terrified.

“Hey, Tommy said drive to the west side past the theater and we can meet them there!” You said, climbing into the back seat to comfort RJ. You cradled the 2-year-old and hushed his sobs. He clung to you for dear life as you rocked him back and forth. You drove just outside of Austin, avoiding the mobs of people. Many people had the same idea as you but the flow of traffic stayed decent, only stopping every so often. The three of you rode in silence until a blockade came into view. It looked like the military was stopping people and directing them east. The exact opposite of where you needed to go. As Holly pulled up to the officers, they signaled her to roll her window down.

“How many in the car?” he asked, shining his flashlight in the vehicle.

“Just us three.” She answered.

He nodded, typing something on a tablet he held, “Okay, head east 15 minutes from here. There’s a larger Military presence over there and they’re taking survivors. I’ll add 2 women and a child to the list so they know you are coming.”

“No-No, we need to head west! We have people we need to meet!” You said quickly. The officer scowled and shined his light back to you and RJ who had calmed down into sniffles.

“Sorry ma’am but you can only go east. West side of Austin is under lockdown and no one can leave or enter. You go east.” He finished, walking to the car behind us.

You set RJ down next to you, buckling him in before returning to the front seat. “We need to find Joel and Tommy. We can’t go East.”

Holly shook her head, turning her tear-soaked cheeks to you. “No, we’re going east. I have RJ to think of, ___. If Joel and Tommy are smart, they’re already there waiting for you.” You sighed, defeatedly. She was right. The Miller brothers were very resourceful. It was a possibility. Maybe they were already at the safe zone. Same with your family. You nodded, your heart twisting in your chest as you agreed with her and then you were off.

It was a 15-minute drive but you could see the lights and helicopters before you even got there. It was massive and there were hundreds of people and tents popped up everywhere. It would be forever before you found anyone. The officers let you all in, setting you and Holly into a medical tent with a few other people. RJ slept in his mother's arms as the Doctors and Soldiers came in and out of each tent. Your leg bounced with anxiety. You glanced around the tent and around the area in general. People sobbed and cried and yelled, asking where their loved ones were, or what was going on, and saying they wanted to go home. You couldn’t help but to agree. You wanted nothing more than to go home and go to sleep and wake up and have this all be dream.

Some time passed before the fedra soldiers came back with water and blankets. They said they were transporting people to quarantine zones as soon as possible. You wanted to fight back and say you had people to find, but everyone was saying that. So you sat and obliged.

Finally, the doctors made their way into your tent, checking on the other habitants first. They did a full body check on the young girl sitting on the cot. She was clean. Next was the mother, she didn’t speak any English. She cried to the doctor, “Por favor, doctor. No estoy enfermo. Quiero irme a la casa.” The doctor just looked at her, checking her body over anyways. She cried and cried and your heart broke for her. It made you sick. You wanted to go home too, desperately. You wanted your mom or your sister. Or Joel. The doctor finished his search and nodded to the soldier. The soldier came over to the woman and dragged her away. Her daughter screamed on the cot as they subdued her. You couldn’t look anymore, it hurt too much. You averted your gaze back to Holly and RJ who was awake now, rambling in her arms. She raised her hand to wipe the hair out of his eyes, and that’s when you saw it. Your eyes widened as you noticed the three scratch marks on her wrist.

Present Day. It was fall now. Mid-October. The cold decided to make an early appearance and you were thankful for the older couple you’d stumbled upon a few weeks ago. They’d stocked you up with a good amount of food and a thick winter coat. The old man had been saying it was going to be a Winter with a sharp bite and offered you the jacket. Who were you to deny an old man and his wisdom? They let you stay there a couple days. Maybe they had been too trusting. You could have easily killed them while they slept a few doors down from you. You’d even thought about it. They had plenty of food and a barn with a couple cows and chickens. You could just take it if you had really wanted to. You hated that those were thoughts you had. They were showing you such kindness and trust, hell, the older woman even baked you a pie. A fresh baked pie?! It had been probably 20 years since you’d had one of those.

The course of the last 20 years moved in a blur. From you being split from anyone you’d known and sent to a QZ in Illinois, to that said QZ being destroyed by fireflies only 5 years of being there. You’ve had to do horrible, heinous things to survive; which you hated yourself for. You searched and searched for anyone familiar. Someone you’d gone to school with, babysat, or maybe a neighbor. Anyone. And that never happened.

As you scrambled for a place to find shelter, dark storm clouds rolled in, bringing a late fall storm. The trees all shades of burnt sienna and burgundy as their leaves fell to the ground, leaving the smell of their decay lingering in the air. It was a comfort to you. You’d always been a fall type of person and being out here in Wyoming, it was almost magical. You adored the whip of the wind across your skin as the air became colder, a few drops of rain kissing your cheeks. In the distance, you could see a small shack, clearly (hopefully) abandoned. You trudged on forth, minding the ache in your knees. You’d been walking for a while now, and you definitely weren’t 22 anymore.

As the shack came into a better view, the rain began falling harder. You picked up speed, not wanting to be completely soaked and thankfully mother nature allowed you to reach your destination before it really pelted down. Once inside you looked around and no surprise, it was empty. It was a small, dusty home. Only having a living area, kitchen and bathroom with a bedroom off to the side. You sat your backpack and rifle on the couch as you sat next to it, reclining and stretching into the cushion. You were so comfortable as you listened to the rain patter against the roof. The room was dark and cold, you couldn’t help but close your eyes and drift off for a bit.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but when you woke up it was still raining. You stretched, shaking off any remaining drowsiness but when you went to reach for your backpack a gun cocked at the back of your head. You froze, raising your hands in compliance.

“Stay fucking still.” The voice said. You blinked, annoyed with yourself that you let your guard down. “Don’t plan on going anywhere.” You retorted.

You sat there a few moments before another voice spoke, “Hey, kid! What are you doing?” The gun’s nozzle stayed firmly planted against your skull, “She was in here asleep! I was getting the upper hand!” The other person came up to your assailant and pushed the gun away before stepping in front of you, hand at her gun on her hip.

“Who are you?” She asked. She was average height, darker skin tone and had these beautiful braids in her hair. She seemed a bit younger than you but had to have been in her mid to late thirties.

“Doesn’t matter, I’m just passing by.” You sighed, not really in the mood for an interrogation. I mean, you’d just woken up.

“Why are you in the area?” she asked, probing further. The other person, a young girl, went to stand next to her, eyes locked tightly onto you. Did you really come off as that threatening? The girl had to have been 13-14 no older than that. Maybe 15. You couldn’t really tell.

“I told you. Just passing by.”

“Maria, she doesn’t really look like much of a threat...” The younger girl hushed. The older woman, now known as Maria, sighed. “What’s your name?”

“If I tell you, will you let me leave?” You asked, your annoyance increasing.

“It’s pouring still. You want to leave in the middle of a storm?” The younger one remarked.

You sighed, “It’s ___. My name is ___. I don’t have any intention of hurting or robbing or killing any of you. Just needed a place to stay while it rained. Is this your place? I didn’t mean to intrude.”

Maria shook her head. “No, it’s not. We were out on a hunt and it started pouring. Saw this place and had the same idea as you, I suppose.” Maria relaxed, removing her hand from her hip and settling down on a chair opposite from you. “I’m Maria. This is Ellie.”

Ellie scoffed, “Maria! We could have used fake names!” You smiled softly, loving the kick-back. Maria just shrugged, relaxing further into her chair. “Where you from, ___?”

Your eyebrow quirked as you thought of an answer, “Good question. Kind of everywhere. Midwest originally. Stayed in the Chicago QZ after the outbreak. Didn’t last long. Been traveling since.” Which was mostly true. You were in Texas of course for a while, and there had been groups you stayed with since the QZ fell, but none of them worked out in the end.

“Why Wyoming now?” She pondered.

“Well, just kind of found myself here. Was with a few people and that ended. Now? Well...”

“What happened to them?” Ellie asked.

“Doesn’t matter. Looks like the rain is letting up. Am I free to go?”

Maria sighed as she hesitated for a moment. Ellie watched her intently not quite sure where she was going. After some time, Maria spoke. “Alright. You can go if you’d like. Want to follow us though? We have a town a bit north from here. Could set you up a place to stay for a few nights, get you some food, a shower...?”

“A shower?” You asked incredulously. It’d been so long since you’d had a proper bath and you knew you needed one desperately.

She chuckled, nodding.

“A hot shower too!” Ellie chimed in.

You hesitated a moment, weighing your options. One, you could go and have an amazing shower and meal and sleep in a safe place... maybe even on a bed. Or two, it was a trap and they were going to sell you off or maybe even kill you and cook you. If it were the latter, they probably would have killed you by now, so you decided. Fuck it.

“You have a deal.”

You followed Maria and Ellie a few miles until a rather large town came into view. You could see the area had power as the sun had begun to set. Lights twinkled throughout the homes and your heart almost got caught in your throat. “You guys have electricity?”

Maria nodded, “Yep. We have a dam nearby that give us power and stuff.”

You all walked a bit more before finally reaching the town. It was massive considering things. As you approached the guarded gate, you could hear people chattering and kids laughing. What were you about to get yourself into?

Maria raised her hand at the guard who stood at his post, signaling for them to open the gate. As they did, a man rushed to Maria’s side pulling her into a tight hug. You didn’t pay much attention to it as you peered into the town, eyes wide.

“Where have you been? It’s been hours! I was worried sick!” He spoke. Maria rolled her eyes, “I don’t know if you knew this but it was raining cats and dogs about an hour ago? Ellie and I found a little shack and waited it out. We found her too.” She said, pointing towards you.

Your attention was brought back to Maria and as you looked to the man in front of her, your eyes widened even further. His face matched yours as you both stared at each other.

“T-Tommy...? No fucking way.” You stood there like you’d seen a ghost. Tears pricked your eyes and you blinked them away immediately, scared that if you looked away, he’d disappear. Tommy rushed to you, pulling you into a tight hug, squeezing the air out of your lungs. You clung back to him, letting the tears fall freely.

“___… I can’t believe it.” He breathed into the side of your head, bringing his hand up to your hair.

“I’m guessing you know each other?” Ellie asked.

The two of you embraced a moment longer before he let go of you, keeping you at arm's length. “What... where... I can’t even formulate a sentence right now.” He said, tears of his own stinging the corners of his eyes. You laughed, biting back more tears that dared to spill, “I’m in the same boat, Miller. It’s been so long.”

Your heart was pounding as you reunited with your former friend, just stuck in a state of shock that after all these years, you’d run into someone like Tommy Miller. What are the odds?

“This your place, Tommy?”

He nodded, “Yeah, Maria and I oversee things for the most part. Come on, let’s get some food in ya.”

You followed Tommy, Maria, and Ellie through the town until you reached the mess hall in the middle of it. As you walked through the streets, people greeted Tommy and Maria. They were doing their duties or relaxed on their porches, enjoying their space. Enjoying their life. Their guards totally let down. It was a sight to see. Children played with each other, splashing in the fresh rain puddles and chasing each other down in a game of tag. It was almost unreal.

The four of you entered the mess hall, the smell of fresh cooked food entering your nostrils. You’d been living off canned beans and peas for the past few weeks so your stomach was instantly rumbling. Tommy sat you at a table while he went and grabbed you a bowl of chili and bread. You could have cried as you ate your first bite; it was hot and fresh. “Is it good?” he laughed. All you could do was nod, stuffing your mouth with another spoonful.

After you ate, Tommy and you caught up to date as best as you could. Ellie and Maria had wandered off somewhere else leaving the two of you to yourselves. “So, you and Maria?” Tommy smiled, “Yeah. Couple years now. Even married her.”

Your eyes widened, smiling at your longtime friend, “No shit! Wow, who would have thought Tommy Miller to be married.”

He laughed, “Yeah, yeah. Such a shock, is it now?” You just laughed back, looking down at your empty bowl.

“What about you? Anyone special over the years?”

You rolled your eyes jokingly, “Maybe a few here and there. Nothing serious though.”

“Don’t know why. You’re still a looker.” He poked.

“There’s the Tommy I know and love.” You grinned, pushing his shoulder playfully, “Not everyone has the luxury of living in a town like this one and meeting the love of their life.”

Tommy leaned back in his chair, agreeing with you. “Well, maybe it’s sudden but you know how I am. You know you have a place here with us. We’ll set you up with a lil’ house. Get you on the board for some jobs. Wasn’t a doubt in my mind when I seen you out there that I was gonna let you leave again.”

“You gonna hold me hostage, Tommy?” You laughed.

“Might have to.”

You’d be a fool to pass it up, you knew it. But you were nervous. How could you adjust to a life of ‘normalcy’ after being essentially feral for so many years.

“Mind if I think on it a bit?” Tommy shook his head, “Take all the time you need. In the meantime, I got someone you might want to see.”

Your eyebrows knitted together in thought. Who could he have been talking about? And then it hit you. In the excitement of everything that had been happening in the last couple of hours, you hadn’t even considered the idea that Joel could be there. Your heart started pounding in your chest again, butterflies swarming in your stomach as the thought of seeing him entered your mind. You’d convinced yourself that he’d died years ago. That both him and Tommy had died and Tommy was in fact here before you. It’s been 20 years and the idea of seeing Joel Miller still sent you spiraling. “He isn’t…” you began. Tommy smiled at you as he radioed someone over the talkie, “Anyone got eyes on Joel?”

Your heart hammered so hard Tommy could probably hear it. He had to have been pulling your leg. You started becoming self-conscious. You hadn’t showered in weeks, you were grimy, you had aged. You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself because when was the last time you’d had to worry about that?

“He just got in from patrol, you need him?” A man said on the other side of the radio.

“Yeah, send him to the mess. Got someone he needs to see.”

“Roger that.”

Tommy made small talk while you both waited for Joel to arrive. You couldn’t process anything though. You were suddenly so nervous. How was he going to react? Would he be just so happy and cry? Yeah right, that was so anti-Joel it was laughable. Would he just be nonchalant? Like, wow. Been a while. Nice to see you. You couldn’t even predict it. Tommy could sense you were anxious and placed a hand on your shoulder to calm you down. “Hey… it’s Joel. You know him. No need to be nervous.”

He was right. You did know him. But the keyword was did. You knew him 20 years ago. You’ve changed since then so of course he’s changed as well. What if he didn’t even remember you? God, you’d be so embarrassed. “Y-You’re right. I’m just in my head I guess.”

“Well get out of it. I think you’ll be surprised. Want a drink?” He offered.

“God, yes. What do you have?”

“Well,” he began “probably don’t got those fruity little drinks you used to like but I can sure get you a glass of whiskey.”

You laughed, exhaling a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, “Okay. Whatever you got.”

Tommy returned with the drink quickly. You downed it as soon as it hit the table, the whiskey burned the back of your throat and chest as it went down.

“Still can’t shoot whiskey, huh?” Tommy teased. Your face scrunched up into a look of disgust, “Fuck, guess not. That’s awful.”

Tommy opened his mouth to say something but was distracted by the mess doors opening. There he was. Joel Miller in all his glory. Tommy walked up to the man, patting him on the back before striking up a conversation. You were out of earshot so you couldn’t hear anything but you weren’t sure you wanted to. If you were anxious before, you didn’t even know what to call how you felt right now. You felt like you could throw up on the spot, but maybe that was the whiskey talking. He was the same. A bit aged, but still Joel. His hair was grayer, bit longer too. Still scraggly, but it’s always suited him. Maybe he was a bit more muscular but you couldn’t exactly tell cause of all the layers he had on. You stirred in your seat as your heartbeat went a thousand miles per minute. He was here, and he was alive.

Tommy led Joel over to the bar and poured him a glass of amber liquid, maybe in a way to prepare him. Joel took a sip, not noticing that his brother had signaled you over. You stood from your chair, stomach in your ass as you made your way over to them. Nothing could prepare you for this. You had half a mind to run out and never look back. But your heart yearned for him, even if it were just to be in his presence, even just to say ‘Hi’.

You reached both men, standing at the chair behind Joel who had his back facing you.

After a moment of you trying to talk yourself up, you spoke. “I’ll have another one, Tommy.” You said, sliding your glass over to him. Joel turned around, finally aware of your presence. His eyes scanned up your body until they met your face.

A chill ran up Joel’s spine as he heard a voice ask for another drink. It was a voice he knew all too well. One he hadn’t heard in 20 years, besides in his dreams. His eyes met yours for a moment, until you turned away under his gaze. No words were said and honestly you didn’t feel like they needed to be. He stood from his chair and faced you fully, eyes shimmering behind the tired look on his face. Almost like he was renewed.

“Hi, Joel.” You managed to get out, your words finally finding you again. Confidence found you too as you looked the man in the eye. He sputtered a moment, not quite sure what to say before he decided nothing was best. He wrapped his big arms around your frame, pulling you in for a hug that was even tighter than Tommy’s. You hugged back, gripping to the back of his flannel. He smelled the same with just a hint of something new. That warm, musky Joel smell that reminded you of cedar and whiskey with the added sent of pine. You could have gotten drunk off it. Not in a million lifetimes could you have imagined the day would come where you were reunited with him. You had to have been dreaming. More tears spilled and you cursed yourself, tired of all the waterworks.

Joel held on to you for what seemed like an eternity. You didn’t mind at all. In fact, you welcomed it. It’d been too long since you’d been touched in general you hadn’t realized how much you’d been craving something like this, let alone from him.

“I’ll give the two of you a moment.” Tommy said, knocking on the bar and walking over to Ellie who was coincidentally walking up to you all and pulling her away with him, “Oh c’mon, Tommy!” She yelped.

Joel finally pulled away, but still keeping you at bay, “I don’t... I don’t understand. Where did you come from?” He was breathless. He kept thinking it was a dream, you being here. He didn’t want to wake up.

“Well, that’s a long story,” You laughed, “Most recently from Colorado. But it doesn’t matter. I don’t even know how we’re both here to be honest.”

Joel smiled down to you, his grip tightening, “It’s kind of unreal, right? I kind of.... thought-”

“That I died? Trust me, when I saw Tommy, it was like I’d seen a ghost.” You recalled, eyes softening as it really hit you that Joel was here in front of you. Unchanged, just slightly grayer.

“I-I looked for you... For years. I kind of went mad about it for a while. So much happened that night.” His face twisting into a look of discomfort as he remembered the night things started.

The two of you sat and spoke for hours, catching up on everything. Joel told you about Sarah and how Tommy stopped that soldier. You cried when he spoke about her; he teared up too. You told him about Holly and how she’d been taken that night. How you looked after RJ until he got sick one winter when he was 8. He didn’t make it either. He told you about the Boston QZ and people he’d met along the way. How he met Ellie and how that went down. You did the same. A lot was similar in the way you lost people, and a lot was different.

At some point during the conversation, Joel reached over the table and took your hands into his. You couldn’t even imagine pulling them away. By the time you caught each other up to speed, the clock above the mess door said it was nearly one in the morning. At this point, it was only you and Joel in the room. It was so strange to you how 20, almost 21 years had passed and it was like you’d talked to him yesterday. You both fell so naturally in line with each other, you had no idea why you were so nervous to begin with. The two of you sat in silence while Joel rubbed circles on the back of your hand with his thumb. You hadn’t felt this kind of comfort in so long, you didn’t want it to end.

Suddenly, the doors burst open to reveal an irritated Ellie and an exasperated Tommy. “Joel, you have all day tomorrow to catch up. You promised me you’d teach me that dumb song on your guitar.” she said, throwing her body down on the chair next to Joel.

“I’m sorry, we tried everything in our power to keep her entertained. You know how she is about her Joel.” Tommy joked, pushing Ellie’s head forward slightly.

Ellie scoffed, “Yeah, right. This old man? I’m just making sure he makes good of his promise.”

“You know I always do. But, she’s right. It is gettin' late. I’m sure you gotta be tired.” Joel said, looking over at you. You nodded, finally paying attention to how exhausted your body was.

“Yeah, I am. I’ll give you Joel back, Ellie.” You said smiling to her, “Tommy, you said you got a place I can stay a while?” He nodded, beckoning you with his hand to follow him. You went to follow him but not before Joel grabbed your wrist, stopping you from going any further.

“Promise we’ll talk tomorrow?” His eyes searching yours for something you weren’t sure of.

“’Course. I’m not going anywhere.” Your answer seemed to satisfy him as he gently let go of your wrist and stood. “Alright.”

The next few days flew by. You’d gotten cozy in your tiny home. Which really wasn’t so tiny. Two bedrooms, a working bathroom and kitchen. You could have died there you loved it so much. Tommy had taken you to the pantry to get some essentials stocked up in your house. They gave you a few days to settle in before getting your answer on if you’d be staying long term. Which, of course you were. You saw Joel and Ellie every day. She was always in tow behind him which you thought was the cutest thing ever. She’d been growing on you and you hoped you were growing on her as well. She acted tough at first, almost like she wasn’t interested in getting to know you, which Joel told you she’d come around. You really hoped for that. And you succeeded.

It seemed like Joel made up any excuse to see you throughout the day. Literally the most mundane things, and there he was. Knocking on that red front door of yours.

“Tommy told me the sink has been leaking. Figured I’d come take a look at it.”

“Actually, the sink has been doing just fine.”

“Oh, well. Maybe I should take a look anyways.”

Or, “I made an extra sandwich. PB&J. Ellie said she didn’t want it. I figured we could have lunch together.”

“Oh, I actually just made some eggs. Also, aren’t you on patrol today?” He pouted, “Oh, yeah. I have a lunch break though. It’s alright if you don’t want it. Jus’ thought I’d ask.”

“... a peanut butter and jelly sandwich sounds pretty good right now.”

And even, “Hey, Maria said they’re playing that one movie you liked at town hall tonight. The one with the green guy and the donkey?”

“Shrek?”

“Uh, yeah. I think so. Want to go watch it me? Or, uh... I mean, Ellie and I?”

“Sure, Joel. I’d love to.”

It was so funny to you. But you loved it. It was so in character for him to beat around the bush or to just make the little excuses to see you or hang out with you without just plain saying “Let’s do something.” You’d come to realize Joel really hadn’t changed much at all in the decades you’d been apart from him. At least, in the ways he’d been showing you. You also realized maybe you hadn’t changed much either over the years. You found yourself falling into ‘normalcy’ easily. You lived for the moments where Ellie would come over and ask you to have dinner with them. Or the little excuses Joel made up to see you. It filled your heart in ways you weren’t even aware of. You were excited to wake up each day, knowing you were with people. Maybe even your people.

Days turned into weeks and you’d even been assigned work at the preschool during the day. Sometimes you’d take shifts at the mess halls bar, serving drinks to the men and women in the town. You figured it was a good way to make friends. Joel and Ellie always sat at a table near the bar when you'd work with the excuse of keeping you company. Not that you minded, at all.

One night, a few months after settling in Jackson, you called Ellie over to the bar, “Hey, come here. Wanna teach you something.” Ellie pointed to herself making sure you were talking to her to which you nodded, smiling to her.

“What’s up?” She asked.

“Wanna learn how to make a drink?” You offered. Ellie’s eyes lit up and she agreed eagerly, “Um, yeah, duh! What drink?”

“Well, let’s see what we got. Not much to work with but here,” You said handing her the glass, “Put some ice in it, and fill it up to here with this.”

You handed Ellie the bottle of bourbon on the shelf behind you. She opened the bottle and filled the glass halfway, eyeballing it to exactly where you had pointed. “Hmm, how about we top it off with this?” It was an almost empty bottle of ginger ale. She followed your instructions, filling the glass to the brim. “Okay, now take this spoon, put it at the top of the cup and slam it to the bottom.”

Ellie looked at you with her eyebrows quirked, “Slam it? But why?”

You laughed, “Just do it. Trust me.”

Ellie tilted her head, unsure, but did it anyways. She slammed the spoon down, causing the glass to fizz up, nearly spilling over the edge. “Oh shit... Can I drink it now?” She asked eagerly.

You laughed again, now tilting your head as you thought a moment, “Well, not too sure about that one, Ellie. Why don’t you go ask your dad?”

Ellie grabbed the glass and carefully walked over to the table Joel was sitting at. You watched from a distance as she asked the older man if she could drink her creation. Joel looked over to you and gave you that look, you mouthed a sorry and stifled a giggle. “Not today, kiddo. Try again when you’re older.”

“Oh, c’mon, Joelllll. I can’t even have a sip?” She whined. It was endearing.

You watched as the two of them went back and forth, arguing over the drink and who was going to drink it. You smiled to yourself. The moment felt so... domestic. You didn’t know what to think of it. But by the way your heartbeat picked up, you figured you might have liked it.

You were cleaning glasses and organizing the liquor when a couple of men sat at the bar, and removed the hats off their heads. “Back from a late patrol, boys?” You asked, placing cups in front of them and pouring some whiskey into it.

“Yes, ma’am. Not much out there when it’s ‘bout 10 degrees and snowing.” One of them said. He was a regular. Here at the bar every Thursday and Friday. Maybe Sunday’s. You’d picked up from his friend that his name was Luke. He was younger. Probably about 25, maybe 26. His friend, who you learned was named James was a bit older. Mid-thirties, married, had two kids. They were both nice, however, James was a flirt despite being wed. Luke tried but he was pretty inexperienced. Both alright looking though, the younger being taller and thin, blond hair and blue eyes. The older one was shorter in stature, bit thicker, with darker hair and green eyes. If you were honest, you weren’t the biggest fan of James, but a you remained cordial.

“It is a chilly one out there,” James began, “Luke needs someone to keep him warm at night. You’re single, aren’t ya, ___?” He said, smiling. His grin somehow gave you bad vibes, but you smiled back nonetheless.

“I am. But I'm not looking right now. Sorry, Luke. I’m old enough to be your mom!” You laughed, finishing up wiping a couple of glasses and setting them in a tray under the bar. “Barely! Maybe if you were a teen mom or something.” He retorted. You just smiled and went about your business.

A little while later after a few more people came and drank, it was almost time to call it a night. You peaked behind the people finishing up their drinks and sure enough, Joel was still there, with a book, listening to the random music that played on the stereo. You bit your lip, hiding the smile that adorned it. He was always there.

“All I’m saying is that, if I weren’t married, I’d be all up on that! Luke, c’mon she’s a single cougar. Get your head in the game.” You overheard James's whispering to the younger man next to him. James sighed, “I don’t know, James. She’s been seen with that Miller guy. Not Tommy but the other one. He’s scary. Heard he’s killed a bunch’a guys.”

“Oh, come on. He’s not that bad. Just an old dude. Plus look at her. She’s fucking worth it, man. The ass she has on her? God, and those tits.” James continued.

You mentally scoffed. You figured he was a slime ball but this was just flat out gross. Thank God the mess hall was closing soon because you were about ready to give the man a piece of your mind. Suddenly, James said something, attempting to get your attention but you pretended not to hear.

“Helloooo! I said can Luke get another drink here?” He repeated himself.

“Oh, sorry. I’ll pour you one more but we gotta close up soon.” You replied, filling Luke’s glass once more.

“Jesus, Luke. You see that? Dumb and hot. I bet you could convince her to get in bed with you.” This was your last straw. You get they’d been drinking but they clearly lacked common sense. You turned to the sleazy drunk, ready to tear him a new one but it turned out you didn’t need to. You stood there; arms crossed waiting for whatever was going to happen next.

“What’sa matter, baby? Suddenly want a piece of what Jamesy-boy has to offer? Got enough to go around!” Your eyes rolled as he tried again, digging himself a further hole.

“Don’t think she likes what you’re offering her, Jamesy-boy.” Joel said behind him, placing both of his hands on either of James shoulders. Luke’s eyes widened at what was happening, or at least about to. He had some decency to know what James was saying was wrong, but he lacked the balls to say something about it.

“Wha-What... How would you know what she likes and doesn’t? How dare you come up and put your hands on m-” James bit his tongue when he turned around to see a seething Joel behind him.

“Wanna repeat what you were about to say?” Joel asked, leaning down into the man's face. James shook his head quickly, struggling to move from his seat as he was so frightened.

“If I see or hear you talking to her again, hell, even lookin’ at her, I’ll mess you up so bad, your wife won’t even want what ‘Jamesy-boy' has to offer. Y’hear me?” Your eyes widened at Joel’s threats and you couldn’t help but like what he was saying. His words turned in your stomach as you felt the heat build there and further down. Only God knew what that said about you.

James nodded, trying to slip past Joel. Luke got up as well, ready to follow his friend out. “I didn’t hear you say it. Out loud, now.”

“I-I won’t talk or look at her again. S-Sorry about that.” He stuttered.

“Good. Don’t apologize to me though.” Joel said, signaling over to you.

“I’m sorry, ___. It-It won’t happen again.” You nodded, acknowledging him, waving him away.

The two of them scurried away like the rats they were. Good riddance. You looked at Joel who was now sitting at the bar. “Jesus, Joel...”

He scoffed, “What? Was that not okay? He was harrassin-”

“I think you’ve gotten softer in your old age.” You chimed in. Joel stared at you, confused as to what the hell you were talking about.

“Excuse me?” He asked. “I told him I’d beat him so bad he’d be disfigured and that was soft?”

You laughed, finishing up the last of the cleaning before close. “Yeah. The old Joel I knew would deck a guy for saying something to me.”

Joel sat there a moment as he recalled the night at the bar where he broke a man's jaw for calling you a slut. He smiled lightly, “That’s right. You’re right... maybe I have gotten soft.”

Your eyes rolled as you grabbed your winter jacket and throwing it on, “Come on, softie. Walk me home.”

Joel obliged, getting up from his seat and following you out of the mess hall. The two of you walked into the frigid air, almost instantly shivering from the lack of warmth the place provided you. The sun had set a long time ago, leaving the milky blue hues of the night appear next to the luminescence of the moon. It was a sight. You stared up at the floating rock in the sky, entranced by its beauty. If everything in this world has changed, the moon stayed the same. You were a big fan. You were so engrossed in the way the moonlight shined; you had no clue someone was doing the same but to you. Joel walked with you, paying no mind to the road ahead of him. His eyes were on your frame, on the swell of your breasts, on your lips. He noted how your irises twinkled as you peered up to sky. It caused a lump to form in his throat, his heart rate picking up as he tried to swallow it down.

“Hey, Joel?” You asked suddenly, his gaze quickly leaving you as you looked to him.

“Yeah? What’s up?” He replied, clearing his throat.

“Back there… in the mess. I could have handled that myself.”

Joel was taken aback for a moment before chuckling softly, “Oh, darlin’ I know. He should have been more scared of what you were gonna do to him instead of me.”

You laughed back, nudging Joel on the shoulder with your own, “I mean it! I would have tore him apart had you not been there.”

Joel smiled, “I know, I know. Maybe I just wanted some points in my favor with you. Make me look cooler, maybe make you like me more.” He continued.

You looked at him with a confused face, “Like you more? Joel, I’m not sure if that’s even possible. I think I like you too much.” Your nerves started getting the better of you as you realized what you’d just said. Joel’s eyes widened but only for a second. He started slowing his steps down as he turned to you, “Like me too much, huh?”

“Just forget I said it.” You piped in quickly, trying to back track.

“Don’t think I can do that, darlin’.” Joel said, stopping you from going any further. He wrapped his calloused hand around your wrist, lightly pulling you to him. Your eyes softened as you looked up to the man, your cheeks reddening under the yellow-toned streetlight the two of you stood under. You wanted to look away. You didn’t want Joel to see the way he so easily made you blush. “Stop hiding from me. You look so pretty, tonight. You always do.” Joel placed his free hand under your jaw, leading your eyes to meet his.

“Why can’t you forget I said anything?” You hushed, entranced in the way he was looking at you. Like you were the most precious thing in the world. He just laughed, bringing his hand from your wrist to the other side of your face. “Don’t want to. Think I might like you too much, too.”

You smiled, heart racing, stomach flipping; everything. You brought your hands up to Joel’s jacket, running over the wrinkles until you hit his neck and kept them there. Snowflakes began to litter from the sky and danced around the two of you, melting as soon as they hit your bodies. “Well, Joel Miller. If you like me so much, why don’t you kiss me?”

“Can I?” he asked softly, nudging his nose with yours as he closed the space between you. All you could do was nod as your words failed. That’s all he needed before his lips were on yours. His soft lips met yours, only a little chapped. You moved with him as he kissed you, one of his hands wrapping around the back of your neck while the other fell to the nape of your spine. Your own hands wrapping around his neck and lacing through the bottom of his hair. You both stood there for what felt like forever, just enjoying the embrace. At one point Joel nipped the bottom of your lip, asking for an entrance. Your tongues moved and intertwined with each other as Joel deepened it even more. You didn’t want to break away as you were quite literally seeing stars and hearing fireworks but Joel stepped away first. “We-We need to stop, baby girl.” He said breathlessly.

“Why? I want to kiss you more.” You insisted, moving your head to kiss him again.

Joel grinned, pecking you again lightly once, twice, maybe a third time. “Trust me. I need to kiss you more. But not here.” You agreed with him as you pulled him further down the street. It was a straight shot to your house when suddenly Joel stopped again.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

He hesitated, his face etched in concern. “You’re not gonna regret taking me home with you, are you?”

Your eyebrows pulled together as you looked at him like he’d said something ridiculous, because it was. “Joel, do you think I’d regret it?”

He hesitated, unsure of himself, “Don’t know... ‘S why I’m asking you. Don’t want you mixed up with the ‘crazy old guy’.”

You paused a moment, almost laughing at how silly it was. You walked right back up to Joel, placing both of your hands on his cheeks a pulled him into you, kissing him once again. It was full of intensity. You wanted to show Joel just how badly you wanted him, crazy or not. Hell, you were old too. Joel fell naturally into it, wrapping his arms around your body. He chased your lips like he was addicted. It sent you soaring. After a moment, you pulled away, “Come on. Take me to bed.”

Joel placed his forehead against yours, holding you to his body. You could hear the heavy, desperate breaths coming from him like he was wagering with himself. Joel cupped your face once again, his lips ghosting over yours before whispering, “Let’s go.”

The trip to your bedroom was hazy. You were so out of your mind with want for this man you were shaking. As soon as you both entered your room and the door was shut, Joel was at you. He shed you of the thick winter jacket you had on and the fleece sweater under that. You did the same to him, pushing off his coat and flannel in one go. Your lips met fiercely, your hands running up his chest to his neck, pulling him closer. You wanted to be engulfed in him in every way. It scared you a bit at how much you wanted him in this moment, how much you needed him. You shivered at the lack of clothing as Joel pulled your jeans down, leaving you in your bra and underwear. He stepped away but only for a moment as he discarded his shirt and worked on his pants. His eyes ever left your body. His breath grew heavy again, watching the way his chest puffed up and down. You could see the strain of his length, begging to be released as he stepped out of his own pants and returned to your body.

Joel kissed from your clavicle to your neck, biting and sucking as he saw fit. You moaned as you wrapped your arms around him, scratching his back lightly. He grunted, shuddering from the pain as it turned into pleasure. Joel grinded against you, his erection poking your belly. Your hand flew down to it, rubbing him through the fabric of his boxers. He sighed, kissing up your jaw to your mouth as he fucked into your hand. “f-fuck, baby girl. You’re drivin’ me insane.” He stuttered, his hands at your panties as he slid them down. He left them just below your ass, gripping your cheeks and kneading them in his large hands. You moaned again, your own hand slipping into his underwear as you continued your ministries. His cock was already slick with precum. God, he was so needy for you. Never in his life had he had a desire this intense. Both your bodies felt like fire as your fingertips danced over the expanse of each other’s skin.

You were just as desperate. You could feel the wetness drip from your folds on to where your underwear sat, your swollen bud just aching to be played with. It’s like Joel could sense that, as one of his hands left your ass and dipped inside of you. He circled your clit slowly at first which you could have cried at. You needed more. You bucked your hips into his hand and he got the hint, picking up his speed. You both stood there at the side of your bed, getting each other off. Both moaning into each other’s mouth, licking up his jaw as he did to yours.

“Baby, need to be inside of you. F-fuck, I’m goin’ crazy.” He breathed; his breath muted as he spoke against your lips. You were already so close from Joel working so hard on your clit, but you knew coming around his cock would be way more gratifying. You nodded, separating yourself from him as you shucked your bra off and climbed on to your mattress, minding the way you wiggled your behind ever-so-slightly to which Joel moaned out loud at. Joel rid himself from his boxers and climbed over to you, hovering over your body as he pecked hot, open-mouthed kisses up your body.

“You’re so f-fucking beautiful.” He spoke, eyes on you. Your own eyes rolled as you wrapped your hands around his neck pulling him in for another kiss.

“Quit buttering me up, Miller.” You sighed, licking a strip up his tongue. Joel’s grip on your waist tightened. He was so hard it was beginning to hurt. “Not doing no such thing, darlin’. You’re so fuckin’ pretty. Look at how hard you get me. Been doing this to me a while now. Just lookin’ at you, I could cum.” His words went straight into your heat as you clenched around nothing. You needed him in you or you’d quite literally die.

“Oh yeah? How long you been touching yourself to me?” You asked, your hand returning to his cock as you lined him up at your entrance. Joel slid his leaking tip in between your folds, running it up to your clit, rubbing there for a moment.

He laughed softly, “Long time, baby girl. Here and there before. But now that you’re here with me again; it’s almost every night.” Your back arched at his confession. There’d been many nights you’d lay awake since you moved to Jackson. Your mind thinking of the events of the day, but they’d always end up on Joel. They way he’d sip from his glass of whiskey, or bourbon. The way he’d come into the mess hall after a patrol, always a little disheveled and sweaty. Or the way he was always so intense with you, never looking away when you spoke, when you laughed. How he’d always find a way to have a hand on you, just to be as close as possible.

“Joel, put it in, fuck- all the way. Please fuck me.” You begged, your legs wrapping around his waist.

“You ready for me, sweetheart?” He asked, teasing your needy hole with his tip, pushing it in slowly. You nodded, lips back on his. Joel pushed himself in easily. You were beyond ready for him. He gasped at the sensation. He loved the feeling of his cock being swallowed up by you. He looked down at your cunt as he bottomed out, moaning at the sight.

“Jesus... you take me so well. Y’always have. Like you were made for me.”

His words sent you spiraling, your eyes rolling back as you felt his fat cock fill you up. He started at a slower pace that was still intense. His lips on yours as he kissed into your open mouth. You couldn’t help the moans and sighs that escaped your reddened, plump lips, abused from Joel’s own. Joel pumped into you, your slick mixing with his as you both created a symphony of wispy moans and slaps against each other’s skin. It was fucking beautiful. His hand pushed the stray hairs away from your face as he picked up speed, thrusting into you as the claps became louder. “Yes-s, take it. Let me see that pretty face of yours. So fucked out ‘cause of me.”

You loved how vocal he was. It was a driving force as he slammed into you, on the edge of his high. You were right behind him, the coil in the pit of your stomach on the verge of snapping. Joel’s thumb worked on your swollen bud again, circling quickly as he wanted you to come with him.

“Joel I-I'm so close, fuck!” You cried out, your arm thrown over your eyes as he rutted into you.

“Move that arm of yours, wanna see you when you come for me.” You obeyed, your arms wrapping back around his neck pulling him down to you. Joel kept his pace steady, and with a few more flicks of his thumb, you were unraveling. Your hand flew to his hair, gripping it as you moaned, calling out his name. Joel felt your cunt tighten around him, gripping him to you. “Yes, fuck, take it! ’s all yours, baby. Always yours.” His pace slowed; you felt the hot ropes of cum filling any leftover space inside you, coating you. Tears pricked your eyes as he continued the remainder of his thrusting, everything becoming too much.

Joel’s softened dick slid out of you and was replaced by two of his long fingers, “Don’t want you to waste a drop. Keep it all in, baby doll.”

Your eyes closed; body enamored with pleasure as your legs shook from the af effects of your orgasm. Joel collapsed on to you, pecking your chest and neck with more kisses and love bites. His hands found their way up to your hair and weaved into it. He wanted you close, but you weren’t going anywhere.

The room was quiet besides the sounds of both yours and Joel’s labored breaths. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears as you basked in the comfortable silence. It was a while before either of you spoke. You actually thought Joel had fallen asleep which sucked, cause while you loved him being on top of you, he was getting heavy.

“Do you regret it?”�� He spoke suddenly.

You pushed yourself up onto your elbows as you peered down to the older man on you. You looked at him incredulously, like you’d been shocked. “Regret what we just did?” He nodded slowly, eyes on yours.

“Joel,” You began, fully sitting up as you pulled him with you, “Why would you even ask that?”

“I just... Dunno. Just feel like you could do better than an old, crazy guy. Lots of guys ‘round here dying to have you even look at ‘em.”

You sighed, your shoulders slumping. Your hand reached out to Joel’s face, petting the grayed scruff on his jaw. You took some time to figure out how to say exactly what you were feeling, even then it was hard to explain. “If you think that, genuinely; You really must be an old, crazy man.” You laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

“I don’t think you realize that I am absolutely in love with you, Joel Miller.” Joel’s breath hitched as his eyes widened slightly. His heartrate picked back up. He really wasn’t expecting to hear that.

“Not Luke. Not James. No one else. Ever. I get that might be a lot to place on you so sudd-”

Before you could even end your sentence, Joel’s lips were on yours again. He kissed you so deeply, so passionately, that you could have exploded. Your body was so warm even with the bite of the negative temperatures outside. He pulled you on to his lap and just... held you. He held you so delicately, like you’d break with any amount of pressure. After a moment, he broke away and maybe you were just seeing things, but you could have sworn you saw a little tear drop, threatening to fall. Your eyes glazed over, tears of your own beckoning an appearance. You truly were just so in love with him, it was crazy. You’d only been reunited a few months back but, it was as if you’d spent the last 21 years with him. It felt as though no time was spent apart at all. Things between you just worked so naturally and flowed so well. Like you were made for him, just as he said. And as though he were made for you.

Another comfortable silence lingered in the air. You both just genuinely enjoyed the presence of one another. Joels hands rested at your waist, one them made its way to your back, rubbing small circles on to your skin. His head fell into you, resting just above your breast as he breathed you in. Your own hand had moved to his hair, scratching his head lightly.

Joel sucked in a big breath of air before speaking, “Don’t think I’ve heard those words in a couple’a decades.” You nodded along with him. It’d been a long time for you too. Joel looked up to you, too comfortable to move any further. His eyes glimmered as he looked into yours. It was as if you held the universe within those orbs of yours. He couldn’t look away.

“I am absolutely in love with you too, my sweet girl.” Now it was your turn to be surprised even if you weren’t really. Not like you’d been expecting him to say it, but it was still something. You couldn’t help but smile as a tear fell. You didn’t want to cry, not at all. But you couldn’t help it. Your body swelled with emotion as every cavity of you filled with love and admiration for this worn-down man in front of you. Both of you changed in so many ways, some for the better, maybe some for worse. But when you really looked at it, not so much was different. He was still Joel Miller, and he was yours.

“Good.” Was all you could say as more tears threatened to fall.

Joel smiled, a small laugh escaping his lips. “Good.”

taglist: @paleidiot, @aestheticangel612

i hope u all like this part! soft joel is my absolute weakness and i love writing him. i think i might take some requests so if anyone has any ideas for Joel Miller or even Din Djarin :o i’d be glad to see them! also lemme know if anyone else would like to be added to a taglist <3

likes and reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed <3

#pedro pascal #joel miller #joel miller x reader #tlou #the last of us #joel x reader #fanfiction #please lemme know if yall like it hehe

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justagalwhowrites · 8 months ago

Text

Halcyon - Ch. 7: It'll Be Nice to Feel Wanted for a Change

You and Joel decide your next steps. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 6, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

^I keep using Pedro gifs instead of Joel gifs because Joel is such a baby in this fic I'm sorry 😭

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Diet culture type language. Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 7.3K

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

“Told you, I have connections.”

Joel rolled his eyes and took a sip of his coffee, watching as the kids on the soccer field changed directions.

“Still feel like business school is overkill,” he said, putting the travel mug in the cupholder of his folding chair. “Especially at this point… GET ‘EM BABY GIRL!”

Sarah stole the ball from a girl on the other team and dodged another girl before starting to charge up field, a serious look on her face.

“GO SARAH!” You jumped up and screamed, cupping your hands around your mouth. Sarah got pinned down and looked around before passing the ball, sending the it between two defenders to another player. Her teammate got the ball and sent it careening toward the goal before the other team could change direction. It sailed in and Joel leapt to his feet, the two of you jumping and clapping. “HECK YEAH!”

Sarah beamed at the two of you before she went to hug the girl who scored. You and Joel sat back down as play started back up. The coffee had spilled some in his excitement, the fabric arm of the chair wet.

“Now is the time to do the business school thing,” you said as you leaned forward on your thighs, watching the game intently, your hands clasped together and tucked between your knees. “And besides, it’s not actual business school. It’s… business school light. Enough to help you draw up a business plan and that kind of shi…stuff. The kind of stuff that you’ll need if you need to take out money from the bank to get started.”

Joel sighed. He knew you were right, he just wasn’t crazy about the idea.

After you’d had dinner - and nearly devolved into an argument that, in hindsight, Joel really was not ready to have no matter how hard he was pushing for it - the two of you had gone back and forth about what to do next.

Your call shouldn’t have surprised him. You’d always been an academic sort of person, the fact that you’d gotten into some fancy college had come as no surprise to Joel. Of course your first idea involved formal education.

You reached out to a friend of a friend at the business school and got some of his recorded lectures from the era of virtual classes during COVID. He was happy to share them once you explained it, compiling some lectures, notes and guides for Joel to use.

Joel felt bad about putting some stranger out like that but you said he was happy to do it in exchange for an autographed copy of your book.

“I know, it’s crazy,” you’d teased when he looked at you in disbelief. “Should have let me draw on your face that one time, think of how valuable it’d be now…”

Joel just snorted and shook his head.

“Get in there!”

You were on your feet again, watching as Sarah tackled the ball away from another girl. You screamed and jumped when she succeeded and Sarah smiled as she clambered back to her feet.

“Good job, kiddo!” Joel called, still seated but smiling. You got really into Sarah’s games, Joel had quickly learned. He wasn’t about to admit it to you, but he loved it. It reminded him of when you were both in high school, when you’d watch from the front row of the stands during football games, screaming so loud that he could hear you over everyone else at the game. You drew his number on your cheek and bleached it onto a t-shirt. You’d even made Tommy a matching one, something the 10-year-old had taken as a profession of undying love and devotion back then.

The next time you were at the house after giving him the shirt, Tommy sauntered through the kitchen where you and Joel were having a snack, topless, drenched in cologne and hair slicked back. Joel watched you try not to laugh as Tommy leaned on the table in front of you, giving you a cocky smile.

“Hey Goldie,” he said, his voice artificially deep. Joel choked on his Coke and covered it with a cough. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Really?” You asked, brows raised. “Even though I’m here every Saturday afternoon?”

His smile faltered.

“Well… uh…” his eyes darted to Joel, like he was looking for help. Joel just held up his hands. “Just… didn’t expect you to be here looking so good.”

“Oh,” Joel could see the edges of your lips pulling up. “So I don’t normally look good? Darn…”

“No, wait…” he stood up from the table, eyes darting to Joel again. “I don’t… you…”

“Don’t you have a matchbox car to crash or something?” Joel asked. “Stop tryin’ to pick up my girl, little man.”

“Fuck off,” Tommy muttered before stomping back off toward his room.

“I’ll tell mom you said that,” Joel leaned forward and watched his little brother go.

“So I’m your girl now?” You teased once he was out of ear shot. “News to me. And be nice to him, he’s just a kid and he’s a sweetheart.”

“He thinks he’s Don Juanito is what he is,” Joel muttered, sitting back in his seat and taking a sip of his Coke. “You being my girl might be the only way he leaves you alone.”

You rolled your eyes but smiled a little anyway.

“All this trouble because I wanted to support my best friend as he fucked up in the red zone…”

“I’ll tell my mom on your language, too,” he said. “Don’t think she won’t smack you upside your head just because she didn’t birth you. You’re her favorite kid, but don’t push it.”

Tommy had, thankfully, gotten over his crush on you. A fact that Joel was endlessly thankful for now that his part in helping you complete your list included finding you a fucking date.

There was a guy on his team at work he thought would at least be something besides a total waste of time. Blake was a decent man, one of the few on the site who didn’t say disgusting shit about women the second they believed they were among other assholes who thought the same way. Joel had caught him reading once on his lunch break, something that he was sure would be important to you. You’d want someone who read. Joel should read more.

Blake, Joel thought, would be a decent enough guy to set you up with. Not good enough for you - no one was good enough for you - but at least a damn improvement over fucking Brad.

He just hoped it wouldn’t stick.

Not that he wanted you to be alone. He didn’t. He wanted you to be happy. More than almost anything else he wanted you to be happy. He wanted you to have whatever it took to make that happen. But he wasn’t sure how he’d get past working with someone he knew got to kiss you, touch you, fuck you. He’d hear about dates with you and things you enjoyed with a boyfriend and not just your friend. He’d have to hear all about what someone else was doing for you because he couldn’t.

Which was fine. Should be fine. You were his friend, you’d always been his friend. He could love you as a friend, he did love you as a friend, he could get past the other shit. He could.

And if Blake ever decided to try to talk about you the way some of the other assholes they worked with talked about their girlfriends then, well, at least Joel could fucking deck him for it.

“She’s killing it out there,” you settled back into your folding chair and glanced over at Joel.

“She always does,” Joel nodded. “She’s got skills, that girl.”

“She seems to really like it, too,” you said, eyes back on Sarah. “Which is the important thing. If she’s good enough, she could get scholarships and shit. But that really only matters if she also likes it, there’s no use in her being miserable because of the demands of being a student athlete because she happens to be good a sport she doesn’t enjoy…”

“She loves it,” Joel said. “And, honestly, I’m hopin’ that sticks and that she can get a scholarship, lord knows I can’t afford to shell out for college…”

“You can’t now,” you corrected him good naturedly. “But once you become Joel Miller: Entrepreneur and man about town, that’s another story.”

Joel scoffed.

“What?” You asked.

“You’ve just got a lot more faith in me than I do.”

“Aren’t I supposed to?” You asked, looking at him again. “You’re my person so that’s part of my my job. Recognizing your potential.”

“See, just the fact that you think I have potential to recognize…”

“Oh shut up,” you swatted his arm and he laughed a little, watching you watch his daughter run back up the field.

No, Blake didn’t deserve you. No one did. Least of all Joel.

Sarah’s team won the game and she was beaming when she ran over to you and Joel after the post-game huddle.

“Did you see that one steal I did?” She asked, leaning between the front seats of the truck. “It was so cool, I almost missed it but then I got it to Sophie and she was able to score and it was so COOL!”

“Seatbelt,” Joel said. Sarah rolled her eyes but flopped back into her seat and buckled up, anyway. “Thank you. And yes, we saw, Baby Girl! You kicked ass out there.”

“Can ass kickers pick lunch?” She asked.

“Ass kickers can pick lunch,” Joel said. “But ass kickers can’t say ass until they’re at least 13, sorry kiddo.”

“Aw man,” she huffed but then smiled. “I’m gonna swear so much on my 13th birthday…”

“Yeah I bet you are,” he shook is head and caught you trying not to laugh out of the corner of his eye. “Alright, kiddo, where for lunch?”

Joel watched her in the rearview mirror, a serious look on her face as she considered her options.

“Dairy Queen,” she said eventually, nodding seriously. “Because then I can get a Blizzard.”

“Whatever the ass kicker demands,” Joel said.

Sarah ordered a burger with her blizzard before going to find a table. Joel got the steak fingers and a shake and you just stood there, staring up at the menu board with a slight frown on your face.

“What?” Joel asked. “C’mon, it’s a limited menu, can’t be that hard.”

“It’s just been forever since I’ve been to a DQ,” you said absently. “Not sure what to really get…”

“Goldie,” he said, voice serious. You looked at him, frowning. “We both know what you get at Dairy Queen.”

“Yeah, when I was a teenager,” you looked back up at the menu. “Little different now…”

“Not gonna find a salad up there,” he said.

“Yeah, but…”

“Remember how the number one thing on your list was finalize your divorce?” He asked. You looked at him again, brows raised. “Well, this is one part of that you can control. You can ditch all the stupid shit that asshole put in your head, starting with the idea that you can’t get chicken fingers every once in a while.”

He didn’t give you a chance to reply, instead looking to the cashier.

“She’ll do the chicken fingers basket,” Joel said. “With fries. And a medium Reese’s Blizzard.”

“Small,” you corrected him.

“Medium,” he said, looking over at you. “Because we both know I want to eat half of it.”

You laughed a little.

“Medium,” you said.

“Alright,” he said, going to pay.

When the food came out, he took one of your chicken fingers and your eyes went wide.

“Hey!”

“Oh sit tight,” he rolled his eyes and dropped one of his steak fingers in your basket.

“What makes you think I want one of your steak fingers?” You asked, incredulous.

“You always want one of my steak fingers,” he said. “Every time.”

You glared at him for a second.

“Shut up.”

Joel laughed before dropping an onion ring in your basket and swiping a few fries.

“So you guys really hung out all the time before, huh?” Sarah said, eating a fry and watching the two of you from across the table.

“We did,” you smiled at Joel before looking back at Sarah. “We basically lived together, probably drove our moms crazy…”

“Your mom, maybe,” Joel teased. “Mine loved havin’ you around all the time. Said you were a good influence.”

“Because I was,” you teased back.

“So,” Sarah watched you both closely. “Why didn’t I meet you until now? I mean, I met other friends of my dad’s. Did you guys have a fight or something?”

The two of you looked at each other for a second. How the fuck was Joel supposed to explain this to his kid? Yeah, we were friends, and then the two of us decided to have sex and then just stop talking for a decade and a half? Not quite age appropriate.

“Well,” you said, dipping one of your fries in your Blizzard before popping it in your mouth.

“You’re so gross,” Joel said and you rolled your eyes and elbowed him in the side.

“Shove it,” you smiled a little and looked back to Sarah. “We finished high school and I had to move for college and we just kind of stopped talking quite as much, we didn’t do a great job of keeping in touch. We were busy, it just kind of happens when you’re a grown up.”

Sarah crinkled her nose.

“That’s dumb,” she said.

“You’re right,” you smiled a little, looking at Joel. “But adults do dumb things sometimes.”

Sarah nodded slowly, taking a fry and dipping it in her Oreo Blizzard before taking a hesitant bite and chewing thoughtfully. She frowned for a moment before her eyes lit up and she dipped the fry again.

Joel groaned.

“Not you, too…”

“Just gotta get on the French fries in ice cream train, Miller,” you smiled smugly. “Sweet, savory? It’s the best.”

“She’s right, Dad,” Sarah said, dipping another fry. “This is better than ketchup.”

“I’m surrounded by weirdos,” Joel muttered but he couldn’t help smiling a little to himself, watching you and his daughter together, a strange pull at the base of his chest at the sight. This, he thought, was how it was supposed to be. You were meant to be with the two of them, it was obvious. It was almost strange, how clearly he fit with you. He hadn’t felt like there was something distinctly missing over the last decade. He’d gone about his life, raising his daughter, trying to get ahead at work. He bought a house, kept his brother’s nose clean, buried his mother. There had been no distinct sense of absence. He thought of you often - every day, really - and it hurt but it was a dulled pain, a longing for what he had before. He hadn’t known what he’d really been missing, the way things would be with you at the stage of life you were both in now.

But now that he had you here, he wondered how he hadn’t noticed this gaping hole at the center of his reality before. There would be no excising you from him now, it wouldn’t work, the ragged edges of your absence would be too clear in everything he did.

He’d just have to do whatever it took to keep you in his life. Even if that meant setting you up with some guy from work.

“So Sarah,” you said, ripping your chicken finger in half and reaching over to dip it in the gravy in Joel’s basket.

“Hey!”

You ignored him.

“Do you think you can do me a favor?” You continued, eating the chicken tender.

“Sure,” she shrugged. “What do you need?”

“Well,” you said, brushing your hands free of crumbs before taking a sip of your drink. “I was thinking about getting a cat but I have no idea how to pick a cat. Do you think you could come with me to the shelter and help me look? Just make sure I’m finding the right one?”

Her eyes lit up and she looked at Joel.

“Can I Dad?” She begged. “Please? I love cats, they’re so cute, and…”

Joel laughed, draping his arm over the bench behind you. You’d already talked with him about this, seeing if Sarah wanted to go to the animal shelter this afternoon. He knew she’d love it.

“Well,” he sighed, pretending to consider it. “If you promise to behave this week…”

“I will!”

“And do all your homework the first time I ask,” he said.

“Deal!”

“Then alright,” he conceded. “We can go with Aunt Goldie to pick a cat.”

“Yes!” She punched the air in victory and Joel smiled and shook his head, settling back in the booth with his shake in his hand.

The three of you went back to Joel’s and gave Sarah a chance to get cleaned up before heading to the shelter to look at cats. Sarah took over the radio in the car and insisted on playing Taylor Swift and you learned the chorus to one of the songs she was belting in the back seat, singing along the last time through, windows rolled down, your hand tapping out the rhythm of the song on the outside of the door.

“So what kind of cat do you want?” Sarah asked, turning to face you and Joel as she walked backwards down the row of cages.

“I don’t really know,” you shrugged. “Never really had a pet. One that wants to sit on my lap and purr?”

“See what not having a pet as a kid does to you, Dad?” Sarah said, looking at Joel with wide eyes. “Leaves you totally unprepared for picking a pet later in life. I should get a cat, too, while we’re here.”

“No,” he said. “Watch where you’re walkin’.”

She rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically but obeyed, leading the way through the cages.

“Oh, look at this one!” She stopped in front of a cage and laced her fingers through the bars, a black and white cat on the other side of it watching her from the back corner. “She’s so pretty!”

Joel stood at your back as you paused, looking at the cat for a moment.

“She is pretty,” you said. “But I want to see all of them first before I see if there are any we want to really meet.”

Sarah stopped outside of a gray and white tabby’s cage, the cat rubbing its face over the bars.

“Aw!” She reached a finger out and brushed along its cheek. “She’s so cute! And she seems so sweet!”

“She does,” you agreed, reaching around Sarah to give the cat a haphazard pet.

“Dad!” Sarah looked back over her shoulder at him. “Her name is Swiftie! She’s perfect!”

“We’re not here for us, Baby Girl,” Joel said. “C’mon, more cats to see, don’t get attached.”

“Well we have to meet that one now,” you said, looking at Joel and very clearly trying not to smile. “It’s required.”

“It’s really not,” he replied. “God, you’re such a bad influence…”

“Nah,” you replied. “I’m just always right, you should get used to it.”

You found another cat you really wanted to meet, an orange striped one who stood on his hind legs in his cage and reached a paw through the bars while meowing loudly for attention.

“Alright, Baby Girl,” Joel sighed, hands in his pockets. “Why don’t you go find someone who works here, see if we can meet some of these guys…”

She squealed before running out to find someone, Joel watching her go before turning his attention back to you.

“You’re never gonna have another moment’s peace with that thing in your house,” he said, watching as you reached your fingers through the bars and scratched its head as it purred loudly, arching into your touch.

“That’s alright,” you smiled, watching the cat. “It’ll be nice to feel wanted for a change. Totally worth it.”

Joel just looked at you for a moment, an odd twinge in him. Maybe you were lonelier than he realized. Maybe things had been worse with your fucking ex than he’d known. Maybe you didn’t understand that he wanted you. In so many fucking ways, he wanted you.

He just had no idea how to say that to you, not without fucking up everything else.

“Hi there,” a woman with a name tag walked up, Sarah at her side, before Joel had a chance to say anything at all. “I hear you want to see some cats?”

You told her the ones you wanted to see and the woman led you to a small room with a bench and some cat toys before going to get the first cat.

Joel should really have known what was going to happen after that. The three of you settled on the floor, you and Joel sitting beside each other, backs against the cinderblock wall, letting cats climb over your legs and throwing little bell-filled balls for them to chase as Sarah pulled a feather on a string across the floor. You were already attached to the orange cat but Sarah was obviously in love with the gray one. Joel sighed, leaning his head back against the wall, watching as his daughter held the little cat on her lap, talking to it all soft and gentle.

“I really should’ve known better than to do this,” he muttered and you laughed a little, leaning your head on his shoulder and watching Sarah, too. “Jesus…”

“At least it’s a cat and not a dog,” you patted his thigh twice before letting your hand rest there near his knee. His heart beat faster. “Could be worse.”

“So,” the woman came back in, carefully closing the door before the cat on Sarah’s lap could escape. But it didn’t look like there was any risk of it, the little thing seemingly content to stay there for the rest of time. “What are we thinking?”

“Please, Dad?” Sarah looked at him, her eyes so wide. “I’ll do all the work, I promise. I’ll clean the litter box every day and I’ll feed her and play with her and…”

Joel sighed.

“You’d gotta actually do it, Baby Girl,” he said. “I mean it.”

“I will!” She said, holding the cat close. “I promise!”

He sighed again.

“Alright, we’ll take that one…”

“Fantastic,” the woman smiled. “I’ll start the paperwork…”

“Oh, and I’m going to get Garfield, the orange one,” you said as she turned to leave. “But I’ll be changing his name…”

“That’s great,” she said. “But we will have to check and make sure the cats are compatible before we send you home with two…”

“No,” you laughed. “No, sorry, no, we don’t live together. He’ll be coming with me and this one will be going with them.”

“Oh!” She laughed back. “I’m so sorry, I just thought you two were married. I’ll get started on the paperwork for both, I’ll be right back.”

Joel watched the woman go and glanced at Sarah to make sure she was still totally absorbed with the cat on her lap before lowering his voice.

“Could have denied that a little harder, I think…”

He practically heard you roll your eyes.

“What, did you want to see if we could save on adoption fees by filling out one set of paperwork?” You asked.

“Always said we’d make good roommates,” he replied. “Seems a good a reason as any.”

You scoffed.

“Yeah, sure,” you said.

“What?” He said, turning his head just enough to see you, still leaning against him. “I’m serious. You really tellin’ me that the idea of living with me is that terrifying?”

“The inevitable fallout is terrifying, yeah,” you said.

“Here we go,” the woman came back in with two clipboards and you lifted your head from Joel’s shoulder. “Once you fill this out and pay your deposit, we can run a few checks and you can come back in a few days for your new best friends!”

“Ah, the truth comes out,” Joel smirked a little as he started completing the paperwork. “You were looking to replace me the whole time…”

“Well clearly yes,” you said absently, working on your own documents. “Furry, loud, opinionated… You’re basically twins, why do I need you to keep coming over when I’ll have Puck?”

“Puck?” Joel frowned. “Like hockey puck?”

“Puck like the fairy from Midsummer,” you replied. Joel must have still looked confused because when you looked over at him, you rolled your eyes. “The mischievous one from Midsummer Night’s Dream? The Shakespeare play? I know you read it, we had to read it sophomore year…”

“C’mon Dad,” Sarah looked up from the cat in her lap. “Even I know that one.”

“Alright, well,” Joel said. “You two are the smartest people I know, not fair to judge me by that standard…”

Joel caught a glimpse of you smiling out of the corner of his eye as he finished the paperwork.

***

“I have a question for you.”

You opened your eyes to see Joel looking down to you, your head in his lap, his thumb brushing your temple in a soothing rhythm. It was late. Sarah had gone to bed hours before, worn out after her game and suckering her dad into adopting a cat and going to Target to pick out every toy under the sun for her new pet and yours. You were pretty sure you weren’t going home that night, too comfortable in your position against Joel.

“No,” you said, closing your eyes and settling into him and the couch again. “I can’t convince Sarah to give up the cat. My position as the cool aunt is too tenuous, I’m going to side exclusively with Sarah in all conflicts for the foreseeable future…”

“I could just refuse to pick it up in a few days,” Joel mused. “Tell her the shelter denied our application because of my history as a cold hearted killer with no mercy.”

“Ah yes,” you smiled a little. “I forgot, Joel Miller, heartless killing machine.”

“Cold hearted,” he corrected. “Get it right.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry…”

“But no,” he continued. “Not what I was going to ask.”

You opened one eye, looking up at him, trying not to think about how soft his eyes were.

“Shoot,” you said, closing your eye again.

“Was thinking about the lists…” he trailed off.

“That wasn’t a question, Miller,” you said after a moment.

“I’m gettin’ there, don’t rush me, woman.”

You opened your eyes just enough to see him over you. His hand slipped around to cup the crown of your head. He was so handsome. There should be rules about that, there should be rules about men who are that beautiful. They should need licensing or something, they shouldn’t just be allowed to freely exist, endangering women everywhere.

You closed your eyes again.

“Take your time, Miller,” you said. “Not going anywhere.”

“Anyway,” he said and you could hear his eye roll. His thumb stroked your hair. “Both our lists have relationship shit on ‘em…”

His voice trailed off and your heart beat a little faster.

“Yes?” You said when he didn’t continue.

“Well, you were sayin’ you didn’t know how to do the whole… app thing.”

“Right…”

“What if…” he took a deep breath. “We tried going out together. You bring someone for me, I bring someone for you…”

Your breath hitched. You couldn’t help it. You knew the kind of relationship you had with Joel, the kind of relationship you’d always had with Joel. He’d made it perfectly clear that anything beyond that was totally out of the question for him and you’d accepted that. It had taken a long time - and a failed marriage - but you accepted it.

That didn’t make the concept of picking out a girlfriend for him sting any less.

“Just… then you don’t have to fuck around on apps,” he said quickly when you didn’t reply. “And I don’t have to waste my time on someone who wouldn’t work in a million years because you’re doing my thinking for me…”

“Instead of your dick?” You asked, opening your eyes. He smiled a little. Goddammit, him and his fucking dimple.

“Exactly,” he said, cocking his head so it was more in line with yours. He looked a little uncertain, his eyes searching yours. “So… what do you think?”

“Well,” you sighed. “Makes as much sense as anything else, I suppose…. When were you thinking?”

“I did say we should move ‘get laid’ to the top of your list,” he smirked a little. “So maybe next weekend?”

“Next weekend?” You sat up so fast that you almost smacked into his nose, your head spinning for a moment. Joel grabbed you to steady you as you twisted haphazardly to face him again, legs crossed in front of you. “Doesn’t that seem fast?”

He looked at you, puzzled, as he turned to face you, too.

“Goldie, you and fuckin’ Brad…”

“Gale.”

“…Split up a year ago. You gotta get back out there, it’s not fast.”

“No, I mean,” you closed your eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before looking at him again. “Isn’t that a little fast to find someone for each other? I wouldn’t even know where to start…”

There was something about the sheepish look on his face that made your eyes narrow.

“What.”

“I… might have someone in mind for you already,” he flinched as he said it.

“Seriously?”

“Look, I just don’t want you dating some random asshole, alright?” He said. “He’s a good guy, think you’d have at least some shit in common, feels like I could trust him with you…”

“Gee, thanks,” you rolled your eyes.

“I’m being serious!” He looked down at his lap for a moment, absently picking at a seam on his couch. “I worry about you. I know shit’s dangerous for women, alright? Much rather you be out with someone who I know isn’t gonna hurt you than some guy I don’t know that I can trust…”

“Careful Miller,” you said wryly. “Someone might think you care about me or something.”

“Well, can’t have that now can we,” he looked up to meet your eyes again, small smile on his face. “I’m already worrying about this shit with Sarah and she’s years off from dating. Outside of her, you’re the most important person in the world to me. Want to know you’re OK out there when I’m not with you. And I’m assuming that you wouldn’t want me to tag along on every damn date you have…”

“Bold assumption.”

He glared at you.

“And this way I can know,” he said. “So yeah, alright, it’s crossed my mind.”

“Have you talked to this guy?” You asked. “He might want nothing to do with me.”

“I ain’t worried about that part,” he waved you off. “You’re you and he’s a smart guy, he’ll see what’s on the table. Much more worried about you conning someone into goin’ out with me…”

“Oh ha ha,” you rolled your eyes. “Because you’ve ever had a problem landing women…”

“The kind that stick?” He raised his brows. “Yeah, I have.”

“Fair enough,” you sighed, thinking about the few people you knew in Austin. There was an adjunct professor in your department who you thought might be Joel’s type that you wouldn’t vomit at the thought of seeing him with. “I think I have someone who will go for it. Next weekend?”

“Next weekend,” he confirmed and then laughed a little. “C’mon, don’t look so miserable about it. Whoever you end up with it’ll be better than fuckin’ Brad.”

“Gale,” you corrected again and then slumped forward until your forehead was pressed into Joel’s shoulder. He hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms gently around you. “This sucks. I got married so I wouldn’t have to date anymore. This is bullshit, I want a refund.”

He laughed once.

“Don’t think that’s how it works, Goldie,” he said, giving you a little squeeze. “Refund part, I mean.”

“Yeah,” you sighed. “I’d just like the best years of my life back.”

Joel was quiet for a moment, one hand finding a gentle, easy path over your back.

“Come on,” he said eventually. “You feel tired. Let’s get some sleep.”

“Yeah,” you sighed. “Assuming you mean here at this point?”

He scoffed.

“Ship sailed on you goin’ home hours ago,” he said. “I know who I’m dealing with.”

“Yeah yeah.”

You pulled away from him slowly and followed him up to his room. He loaned you a t-shirt and you got changed in his bathroom, taking your makeup off as best you could with the world’s most basic facial scrub and water before going to find him in bed. He was sitting up, his back against the headboard, scrolling through his phone. He glanced up at you for a moment when you came in and looked back at his phone for a fraction of a second before looking back at you again, his mouth open slightly.

You frowned.

“What?”

“Nothin’,” he said quickly, plugging his phone in and putting it face down on his nightstand. “Just forgot what shirt I gave you.”

You looked down at it, a faded shirt from the Houston Space Center. You frowned for a moment.

“Was this from when we went when we were kids?” You laughed. “On a field trip?”

“It is,” he said. “I wanted something that would fit as I was bulking up. Might have been a bit ambitious on the size…”

“You’ll have to model it for me sometime,” you said, climbing into bed next to him. He turned out the lamp and you heard him lay down. You gave him a second to adjust before you slipped against his side, his arm gong around you. You could feel the warmth of his breath on your forehead as your cheek found its place on his chest.

“You’re sure about this dating thing?” You asked quietly into the dark. He was so warm next to you. Warm and big and firm and safe. You tried not to think about how desperately you wanted him to say no, in fact, he wasn’t sure. That all he was sure of was that he wanted you.

He sighed instead.

“Think so,” he said.”You really that worried about it?”

You shrugged against him.

“Goldie.”

“Just…” you sighed. “I fucked up one marriage already. Why should I think I’ll get it right next time?”

“You realize that shit isn’t all on you, right?” He asked. “I don’t even know what happened but… I can just about promise that it’s not all on you. Be surprised if any of it is. You gotta stop letting that asshole determine your whole life, Goldie. He’s not worth it.”

“Yeah,” you said, moving closer to him. “You’re probably right.”

Joel made sure both of you were up before Sarah in the morning, sparing you both from any of her prying questions, and you spent the morning with them before going home again and trying to write but getting nowhere. You wasted hours on an outline this time before hating the story so much that it made your stomach clench to even look at it. It was so pathetic, a lost woman clinging to a past lover so hard that she couldn’t chart a path forward, and you couldn’t seem to chart a way toward a satisfying end. You started a fire in your fireplace for the first time just so you could burn the paper you’d wasted on this one. You had a glass of wine as you watched the flames devour it, ash floating to the hearth like snow, white and dead.

Part of it, you were sure, was the fact that you were dreading the idea of talking with Natalie, the adjunct you were going to try to set up with Joel. She’d like him. Of course she’d like him. It was Joel, everyone liked Joel, that was the problem. She’d like him and you’d have to sit there and watch him like her. Love her, eventually. If not her then someone else. You hadn’t been able to handle that when you were 18 and the fact that you were in your 30s now didn’t seem to have changed much. That’s part of why you’d done what you’d done after prom. A small part, perhaps, but a part.

But you were a grown up now, no longer a girl trying to find her way through the maze of the adult reality you found yourself thrust into. Things were going to be different this time.

They had to be.

May 2008, the Tuesday after prom

“Honey?”

You could hear the frown in your mom’s voice as you stumbled to your bedroom.

“That you?”

You caught yourself on the door frame. Your head was still spinning, why was it still spinning? It felt like you were going to throw up.

“Yeah,” you managed. “Just me.”

“You’re home early,” she said, her voice closer. “No Joel today?”

“No,” you said, hoping you sounded normal. “No Joel today.”

“Oh,” she sounded surprised. “Hungry? I can make you something…”

“I’m fine,” you said. “Just… tired. Going to lie down, I think.”

You didn’t wait for a response, just going in your room and closing the door behind you. Your walls were covered in movie posters, the faces of strangers you felt like you knew through their films an odd comfort as you sat on the edge of your bed.

It’s Goldie. I wish it were anyone else. It’d be better if it were anyone else.

That’s what he’d said. Anyone else. Anyone but you.

You weren’t sure how long you stared into space. How were you supposed to face him now? How were you supposed to go back to your life now?

You’d never been a particularly social person - writing all the time didn’t lend itself to vibrant friendships - but Joel had been your person for almost three years. He was who you had, who you told everything to, who you wanted to do everything with. Leaving him behind was going to be the hardest part of going away to school - so hard that part of you was still in denial that it would work that way at all. Part of you thought that he’d find some way to come with you over the summer and it’d be the two of you against the world the way it seemed like it always had been.

But he wouldn’t. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want you.

I wish it were anyone else.

“Fuck,” you whispered to yourself, your voice wet.

Graduation was soon but it was still three weeks out. Three torturous weeks of being next to the person you loved most in the world when they didn’t love you, not really, not at all.

You weren’t sure how long you stared at the wall when it occurred to you.

You forced your body to move, joints stiff, and went to your computer, scrolling back through your email history to one from Dr. Gale Newton. An invitation to a summer creative writing workshop, one you’d decided to pass on because it meant leaving Joel months earlier. You hadn’t been ready for that before. You’d gone about checking with your counselor at school to see if it was even possible before deciding you weren’t ready for it.

You were ready now.

You called the number in his email signature and the phone rang twice before a woman answered.

“Dr. Newton’s office,” she said. “This is Florence.”

“Hi Florence,” you said, sniffing a bit, hoping it didn’t sound like you’d been crying. “Is… um… Is Dr. Newton available?”

“I can check,” she said. “It’s a bit late in the day… Can I ask who’s calling and what this is about?”

You gave her your name and told her that you were a candidate for the summer program.

“Ah, right,” she said. “You were the one denial. Can’t say I remember that happening before! Let me see… yes, one moment, I’ll transfer you back.”

It didn’t take long. Dr. Newton answered on the first ring, saying your name before you had a chance to say anything at all.

“I was wondering if I’d get to speak with you directly,” he said. “I’ve never had a student turn down the intensive before.”

“Yes, I’m sorry about that,” you said, voice trembling a little. “I thought I had some things I needed to finish up here before I moved but, as it turns out, I can come up sooner. I was wondering if my spot would still be available?”

“Well,” he sighed. You could hear the rustle of pages on his end. “The program did already start and you are the only incoming freshman I invited - your online portfolio was quite impressive - I wouldn’t want you to fall behind. How soon could you be here?”

“I could be there for the start of next week’s sessions,” you said. “And I can try to keep up with some work in the mean time if you want to email me some prompts or assignments…”

“No, no need for that,” he said. You heard the click of a mouse. “I’m going back over some of your work now, I think this will work fine for what we’re doing next week. There’s a short story here, Golden Boy, that we can workshop alongside the fresh pieces for the coming sessions.”

You quickly clicked over to the simple blog you’d made to showcase your writing for college applications. You scrolled past one of your senior portraits and bio at the top down to the work and found the story. You couldn’t remember if you’d put the whole piece up or just parts but it was the whole piece, one you’d written about Joel.

It’d be better if it were anyone else.

Your chest got tight.

“Perfect,” you said. “That’s great, thank you so, so much…”

“I hope to see some more dedication out of you when you arrive here,” he said, voice a little more stern now. “I reviewed your portfolio personally and you show a lot of promise but so does every student who comes through this program. If you’re not willing to make sacrifices and work for it, I can’t help you hone that raw skill into what it has the potential to become.”

“I understand,” you said quickly. “I’ll do whatever you want, whatever you think I need…”

“I’m willing to work with you one on one,” he said. “Get you caught up over the next few weeks, both because you missed some of the intensive but because you haven’t had any classes here yet. It’s going to be a lot of time and a lot of effort but I’m happy to put in the work if you’re willing to do the same. I expect you to be devoted to this program, do you think you can do that?”

“Yes sir,” you said. “Absolutely.”

“Good girl,” he said. “I’ll email you my personal cell phone number, call me there when you get to town. I’ll make sure you get set up in your dorm and we can get to work. Sound good?”

“Yes,” you said, your eyes falling on a picture of you and Joel laughing on his couch that glared at you from its place next to your computer monitor. You turned it to face the wall. “Yes it does.”

Next Chapter

A/N: So we now know at least SOME of Bambi's side of the story. Not the whole of it yet but some!

What do you think? Teenaged overreaction? Totally makes sense? Neither? Both?

Also... I hope you caught that Gale had a picture of her before he met her and picked up on how much he'd selected her to be a pupil of particular interest from the get go. He's so slimy. Or, I hope he comes off that way, anyway. He's slimy in my head, at least!

Thank you, as always, for reading. I hope you're enjoying the ride as Joel and Goldie navigate their tangled friendship!

Love you!!!

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #slow burn #friends to lovers #halcyon

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