#Haha no this is not me but I can see the humorous connotations that you are displaying!! Haha :)

[floatyhands]

I hope I can structure my thought process that I can articulate my scrambled head. First, I really enjoy and dig your interpretation of DC characters cause like if writers don't poke in the well of their characters. You can always rely on someone reading way more in-depth. Plus, it always nice to see art. Second, I thought why not ramble a bit since I was heavily intrigued with your yin and yang text. Maybe not as similar since it how I view two different characters, but both means very dear to one another. I am referring to Gilda and Harvey, since the name of Apollo is used yadda yadda. Randomly I would think how Gilda would be represented with the moon. Sounds pretty generic, though usually I work with many different meanings. (Ideas like longing, cycles, habits, different perspective of phrases, and other story that revolved around the sun and moon). As I said before scrambled head.

I won't yap as much, I thought to humor the phrase of giving you my brain juice. But keep cooking op.

Hi! I'm so sorry for the late response, I completely forgot Tumblr asks exist.

Thanks for liking my silly DC interpretations! I'm still very fresh to the comics, and there's often a fear I have that actually my interpretations go against the spirit of the canon or that actually the writers have fixed stuff for the better and I've missed this entirely and my takes ruin it somehow, so I'm glad that people do vibe with my ideas. :D

As for the "Gilda as Moon" thing, ooooh! On "Moon symbolising longing", I'm only familiar with the full moon symbolising (family) reunion in Chinese culture and also the whole Chang'e being isolated from humanity thing, so I'd love to hear your thoughts. About the phases, cycles, and habits, I'm guessing this is about her potential as a character who transcends binary thinking through multiple facets, and also her dealing with the cycles of separation and reunion that comes with Harvey's cycles of relapse and recovery? There's also maybe the meta level thing where Gilda as a supporting character of a supporting character usually only gets to shine from the sun (Harvey's) light haha.

The motif of contrasting but complementary halves of lovers, combined with the yin-yang thing, also reminds me of the similar sounding yuenyeung (鴛鴦), or mandarin duck, which in symbolises conjugal love and fidelity in East Asia because of how they're culturally considered to mate for life (which is sadly not true IRL, guess that's just nature for you), but in Cantonese specifically(?) has the additional connotation of "odd couple" due to how sexually dimorphic the birds air, hence the Hong Kong coffee-tea mixed drink also called yuenyeung, and yin yang fried rice/yuenyeung fried rice (鴛鴦炒飯, no relation to yin and yang, that's 陰陽), also sometimes called lovers' fried rice, a fried rice made with two contrasting sauces. (Oh look at me, forcefully pushing my Hong Kong food agenda again.)

Either way, thanks for the support, please send me more brain juice and sun-moon things!

[prowerprojects]

Something has to bring all the counterparts together, it's either Nine or some big space anomaly. (Still holding onto the sacrifice idea until we get the trailer later for proper speculation.)

There's such a big insistent that they're just as alive as the originals brings up how concerning the finale is going to go; cause I don't think some are going to swallow the idea of the verses being gone so easily unless there's proper reasoning for it. (That, and if the counterparts can live on in some manner.)

There's most certainly going to a huge emotional breakdown on Nine's part, I can feel it. (I wonder if part of it is that he's having a hard time processing a life that wasn't either hectic or in solitude. Him making those palm trees and coconuts has to mean something, I doubt those crossed his mind before Sonic showed up. And in his own lab at that, his own private space. Also Sonic mentioning to expect many adventures after the whole thing is over. {And will Nine ever experience a chili-dog? Questions, questions.})

Heh, it would be pretty funny if Mangey's first [and likely only] coherent sentence is the thing that strikes a deep chord in Nine. The fact that he saw both at all will probably be in his mind when working on the Grim. (Hmm, I have seen a few think Sails might be a representation of Tails' loyalty, and such, might have abandonment issues [like the rest of the pirate crew]. The fact that Sonic came back, but Dread jumped ship could probably cause some reflection.) In any case, not getting an episode with all 3 together when one's leaning into main antagonist territory would be a massive waste on the storytelling.

Haha, we'll see (idk if I've already said it, I personally don't believe in sacrifice because I still see the Shatterspace people as parts of the og, so how are we meant to "glue" them back together if a part gets destroyed?)

Hey, they don't say alive, they say "real". Which could mean the same, of course, but to me brings on a different connotation of what they're trying to portray there.

Idk about a "huge" breakdown, I mean, he'll probably cry, but idk how dramatic they'd want to make it (genuinely). It's still a show for little kids so they'll probably won't go for anything really complicated. (I lowkey forgot how childish the humor is before I watched s1b)

(I think the coconuts and the palm trees would most likely be used more for Sonic's character development... we'll see though. I think he'll see them in Nine's lab amd have a reaction of some sorts)

Mangeeey! I think Nine seeing his counterparts helped him to better understand how the Shatterverse works... he seemed confused when he saw Sails but downright scared when he saw Mangey... Idk what conclusions he came to though.

It could be loyalty, though out of all 3 Tailses Sails is the one with the least unique/obvious personality traits. I was mostly thinking how the things Sails and Mangey went through could relate to Nine's situation, it's easy with Mangey, but what could Sails offer, you know? If anything It'll be like with the Roses, "Fuck Dread and Fuck the Council Sonic", I don't think Sails could actually be of help here. (Unless it amounts to "hey at least Sonic isn't as bad as Dread, you should forgive him". Which I don't like because I don't think Nine is obligated to forgive Sonic. I wouldn't mind if he decides to forgive him anyway in the end, but no one should guilt him into it. I actually think it would be cooler if he didn't, because it would show Sonic that his actions have consequences and he can't placate Nine with a "sorry" the way he does Tails. (Even better if Nine also apologizes but still doesn't want to try to be friends with Sonic again))

Yep, agreed, I need a Tails³ episode, because Nine is so prominent but the other two barely have had any development it feels almost weird?

[muggycuphead]

Phiddie's DFJ 2024 - A Homage

Yeah, this had some personal connotations

I don’t know if anyone would’ve seen/read it out, but I did comment about this occurrence before posting some of the missing days through a drawing I made about it. I don’t think I need to explain why as you can see it already here, but well, now you know

That’s why I didn’t give up on this one, as it meant a lot since most of the art I had shown and talked about with my grandma was regarding FPA and VBA alongside the foretold motives, and honestly, just working on this has sort of helped me get along with some of the grief as well, hence why finishing it meant so much to me aside being a “tribute” to the community and the silly humor and ideas I dropped into it.

And idc if someone says it’s “cringe” or whatever, I think there should be no shame in dedicating something to a loved someone that passed away (as long as you don’t f with it for funny hahas) and god knows I wouldn’t have come to this point in life if it wasn’t by that woman’s example alongside my own parents’ and grandfather as well (who also passed way before she did, good thing at least is that they’re together wherever they may be at now)

So yeah, that should give the project a closure for good now

Thanks for sticking by to the people that did, and hope the laughs didn’t come short on the way

<- Day 31

[wangxianficfinder]

I'm in the mood for a fic where...

~*~

1. Hello!! I hope you’re having a good day 🥰 I’m in the mood for a fic/fics where it’s wwx chasing after lwj? I don’t mind temporary unrequited love (from lwj’s side) as long as wangxian are still endgame 💗 Hopefully no (lwj/wwx sleeps with everyone they meet) characterization/trope though 😭🙏 Thank you!!! [You can see this is one of my favorite tropes, lol, here, have many unabashed and in love wwx...]

❤️tame by rikke (M, 12k, wangxian, my post)

❤️unabashed indecency by quags1re  (T, 25k, WIP, READ IT ANYWAY!!!, my post)

things happen, don’t ask by MarbleGlove (T, 6k, wangxian, my post)

❤️ You Are My Euphoria by Orphan Account (M, 18k, wangxian, my post)

❤️The Beast of Gusu by Netrixie (M, 212k, wangxian, my post)

❤️Unable To Stay Away by Waterrain (E, 23k, wangxian, my post)

~*~

2. Hello there! I am in the mood for fics that use the term cutsleeve and have the same connotation as the novel, societal homophobia. Wangxian preferred. Thank you so much!

Just As Much by Gemiblu (E, 24k, wangxian, Mojo’s post)

Jin Ling vs. The 8 Uncles of Sex Education by Wildcard (M, 4k, JL & all the uncles)

❤️The Amazing Adventures Of Jiang Xiaolian And Family by bumbledees (T, 71k, wangxian, chengning, xuanli, 3 works complete, series in progress, Mojo’s post)

~*~

3. hey!! I've just been thinking of the moment from ep2 where wuxian plays wangxian and sizhui recognizes it... which led me to want more fics where it's more apparent what wangi adopted sizhui or that their relationship as father & son is treated as such?? I hope that makes sense bonus if wuxian realizes it and it so confused until he actually realizes its yuan haha

❤️ Tragedy is Not the End by Hobbsy3 (T, 358k, wangxian, Mojo’s bookmark)

❤️ nevermore, nevermore by agloeian (T, 120k, lan sizhui & everyone, wangxian. Mojo’s post)

❤️Attempting the Impossible by Ariaste (T, 36k, jiang cheng & wei wuxian, wangxian, background zhuiling, Mojo’s post)

your name, safe in their mouth by astrolesbian (G, 11k, wangxian, Mojo’s bookmark)

A Ray of Sunshine in the Darkness of the Jingshi by OnlyMeAndMyBones (Not rated, 4k, wangxian, LSZ & LWJ, LWJ & LXC, first part of the series)

sing to that lonely child by ravenditefairylights (G, 12k, wangxian) author in tumblr @child-of-the-fairy-folk​

~*~

4. Hii this is my first time doing this so i apologize if I get anything wrong.. **You are doing great, no worries! ~Mod L**

For the next 'in the mood for..' i would like to ask for fics with ayuan and the jiang sibs bonding? I feel like jiang yanli would be a great aunt and ayuan certainly deserves it😊 (i was hoping for canon divergent happy fics? With all of them alive? I have seen a fic where yanli survives and it was really good but i really want jin zixuan to live too😅) thank you for all the work you do! Really you are a life saver❤

~*~

5. Mod L, I’ve got a Mood request for you: are there fics addressing how WWX learned the flute, one of his most iconic abilities?

~*~

6. Hi!~ Could you rec me a fic where the main couple is Nie Mingjue x Lan Xichen? @plzloveme

my shine light, true light, starlight by ravenditefairylights (G, 2k, wangxian) author in tumblr @child-of-the-fairy-folk​

❤️shades of grey by cl410 (M, 59k, wangxian, nielan, Mojo’s post)

black milk of daybreak, drunk at sundown by stiltonbasket (G, 3k, wangxian) -  @airmidcelt adds it’s lxc focused

silver-steel and snow by stiltonbasket (G, 4k, LXC/NMJ, WIP, part of the Twelve Moons and a Fortnight Vers)

moved by the sight of you, sleeping by stiltonbasket (G, 2k, LXC/NMJ, WIP, part of the Twelve Moons and a Fortnight Vers)

that which my soul repairs to your devotion by stiltonbasket (G, 2k, LXC/NMJ, part of the Twelve Moons and a Fortnight Vers) 

oceans, drowned in starfire by stiltonbasket (T, 30k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, modern au, mermaid au) this isn’t wholly LXC/NMJ but I remember it had a big part of it. ~Mod L

Lan Xichen's Day Off by WeAllCatchFoxes (G, 3k, LXC/NMJ, wangxian, humor)

One Moment And Another by Anonymous (E, 11k, LXC/NMJ, battle couple, pining, friends w/ benefits to lovers)

7. Hello again :) could you rec me some wwx chronic pain fics plz? Thank youuuu! @plzloveme 

How to Treat Your Injured Yiling Laozu by merakily (T, 3k, wangxian, my post)

the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 64k, wangxian, lan wangji & wen qing, WIP)

~*~

8. Do you have any fics where wwx is abused by Yu Ziyuan?

rain falls and soaks into the earth by RoseThorne (T, 37k, wangxian, series in progress)

This is a pretty consistent theme in Moominmammashandbag's work, most notable in ❤️To have and to hold (M, 79k, wangxian, Mojo’s post)

the worth of a whipping boy series by JemTheKingOfSass (M, 26k, wangxian, JC & WWX, angst, mind the TWs)

❤️ Company by WithBroomBefore (T, 30k, wangxian, Mojo’s post)

~*~

9. Do you have any favorite crossover fics to rec?

Of Ghosts and Heroes by The Silverfish (ZephyrAndTheSilverfish) (T, 51k, wangxian, BNHA crossover)

Wei Wuxian is the Actual Bogeyman (no, really) by chatonnerie (T, 57k, wangxian, Rise of the Guardians au)

Come by it Honestly by ladyshadowdrake (M, 26k, wangxian, Geralt of Rivia / Jaskier, witcher crossover)

The Remnants of our Struggle by Naamah_Beherit (G, 11k, HC/XL, WN & WWX, TGCF/MDZS)

Farmer's Almanac / 情雨濛濛 by Irrelevancy (T, 13k, WQ/YH, fix-it, TGCF/MDZS)

Atlas by etymologyplayground (M, 12k, wangxian, hualian, TGCF, Mojo’s post)

Lan Jingyi and the Adventure of the Immortal Cultivator by litbynosun (T, 5k, the junior quartet, TGCF/MDZS)

For Whom the Bell Rings by DawnCloud (G, 24k, JYL & XL, JYL & HC, fix-it of sorts, calamity!JYL, TGCF/MDZS)

when you're ready, we'll turn the page together series by merthurlin (T, 33k, TGCF/MDZS)

The Red Ribbon by Xiao_Hua (M, 20k, wangxian, TGCF/MDZS)

thrice as cruel by iliacquer (E, 15k, wangxian, WIP, Kushiel fusion; WRH enlists celibate holy knight WWX as a bodyguard for his favorite courtesan LWJ)

turn towards the sun by Ariaste (E, 21k, wangxian, Kushiel  fusion; WWX and LWJ are in training as elite courtesans)

Burn the Land and Boil the Sea (You Can't Take My Son from Me) by PolkaDotDragon (M, 91k, wangxian, Firefly fusion, WIP)

A Blade Without an Edge is Still As Sharp by JustAWanderingBabbit (M, drabble series, Thunderbolt Fantasy crossover)

Of Hats and Flutes by FixaIdea (G, 6k, wangxian, Discworld crossover, wip)

a journal of impossible things by lily_winterwood (T, 18k, wangxian, WN & WWX & WQ, Doctor Who fusion; 1930’s Shanghai; Timelord WWX with Companions WQ and WN)

It’s the Great Pumpkin, Lan JingYi by DragonsPhoenix (G, <1k, LJY and Linus; Peanuts crossover)

MDZS crossover outlines by oneiriad (T, 11k, wangxian, check the tags for all the fandoms involved)

The Source of All Resentment by Aquamarinade (T, 40k, wangxian, SW/ZY, 镇魂 | Guardian fusion, WIP)

Myopia by rustycol (M, 67k, wangxian, WIP, Water Margin crossover)

❤️Dignity and Animality by Anielka (G, 37k, wangxian, Watership Down fusion, Mojo’s post)

~*~

10. Is there fics where Wangxian are playful together?

Flaga prowokująca by vulnerable_bead (E, 3k, wangxian, fluff & smut, Polish), English translation by joolita

Falling for you by Aki_no_hikari (G, 1k, wangxian, WWX and LWJ play hide-and-seek and frolic in the fallen autumn leaves.)

~*~

11.   Hello! I was wondering if you knew any fics where lwj had to woo wwx after he gives up on him. Like wwx had seen that lwj didn't seem to want to hang out, so he just stopped.

~*~

12. Hewwo! I was wondering if you knew of fics that are heavy in angst? Like, the “I am literally crying at three am” kind of fics.

blue skies forever series by rikke (M, 12k, wangxian, major character death)

❤️ Tragedy is Not the End by Hobbsy3 (T, 358k, wangxian, Mojo’s bookmark)

❤️ you are safe / loved / worthy / enough by everythingispoetry (T, 150k, wangxian, modern au, mental health issues) might not be exactly what you’re looking for but definitely made me cry haha ~Mod L

Found You (Flightless Bird) by etymologyplayground (T, <1k, LXC & LWJ, wangxian, major character death)

No Road to the Sky by amphitrite (T, 3k, major character death, golden core transfer)

decay by antebunny  (G, 16k, wangxian)

❤️ Shattered Dreams by pupeez4eva (G, 9k, wangxian)

rain falls and soaks into the earth by RoseThorne (T, 37k, wangxian, series in progress)

❤️And I Will Call You Home by Spodumene (E, 43k, wangxian, Mojo’s post)

ghost out on the water by twigofwillow (T, 15k, wangxian, Mojo’s post)

emptiness in harmony (homeward bound) by estel_willow (T, 9k, wangxian, hinted zhuiyi) 

Like A Light Gone Out by OnlyMeAndMyBones (T, 100k, wangxian) 

The Devil Bleeds Regret by greybird_crookedbranch (T, 4k, wangxian, Mojo’s post)

Twelve Moons and a Fortnight by stiltonbasket (G*, 290k, wangxian, Mojo’s post)​

body and bone, hair and skin by Mikkeneko (T, 6k, wangxian, major character death)

brother, the password and the plans of our city are safe with me by Mikkeneko (T, 2k, LWJ & WWX, JC & WWX, major character death)

When the Night Gets Cold by JustAWanderingBabbit (G, <1k, the five times Jin Guangyao played Inquiry and no one answered)

Pieces of Us by JustAWanderingBabbit (not rated, 33k, jin guangyao & nie mingjue) - immediately post canon

We Can Haunt Each Others' Dreams by arahith (E, 10k, LXC/JGY, angst w/ happy ending, WIP) LXC performs a very dark and fraught Empathy/Inquiry to commune with JGY’s soul. Experimental prose and formatting style; unreality issues; animal sacrifice; wartime atrocities.

Versimilitude, or: closer to the truth by asisoitorre (G, 2k, wangxian, a ghostly WWX bids farewell to LWJ in seclusion)

Come Marching Home by piecrust (G, 4k, wangxian, WN, SL, major character death)

Unfulfilled Wishes Granted by mondengel (T, 3k, wangxian, major character death, angst)

Footprints in the Snow by TempestDouble (M, 6k, wangxian, angst, tragedy) 

The Only One by cchocolatekat (G, <1k, SL/XXC, angst, feels, after yi city, WIP)

blow me to bermuda by victortor (T, 5k, wangxian, au, time shenanigans, immortality)

No rest for the sinners or the saints by Captain_stab_a_hoe (M, 2k, SL/XXC/XY, major character death, angst & tragedy, graphic descriptions of corpses, post-canon, suicide)

~*~

13. Hi there! I'm yearning for fic that deals with the fallout of Jin Ling finding out Sizhui is actually a Wen (preferably with a happy ending because I'm a sucker and Sizhui deserves all the happy endings) @divinesquishes

Our hearts, beating in our hands by MemeKonMDZS (MemeKonYA) (T, 3k, wangxian, JC & LSZ, junior quartet, animal transformation)

~*~

14. hi ^-^ just wondering if anyone knows of any fics where wei wuxian doesn’t eat meat or struggles to after the burial mounds? thank you for all you hard work!!

❤️Lynchpin by ShanaStoryteller (not rated, 103k, wangxian)

The most dangerous thing is to love by KatAnni (E, 113k, wangxian, angst w/ happy ending)

the absence of hunger by parsnipit (M, 27k, wangxian) Not exclusive to meat

we're starting at the end by Miss_Enthusiasimal (M, 92k, wangxian, time travel, part of a more general eating disorder; WWX *believes* himself to be dead and is festering with unreality issues when LWJ and JC rescue him from the Burial Mounds, mind the tags!)

Wish Me Luck by Starlight1395 (Not rated, 164kt, wangxian, time travel, fix it, PTSD) Spanish translation by UchihaSakuraa, Polish translation by SilverGoldEyes

A Corruption of Comfort by BegrudginglyTumbling (SarcasticSmiler) (M, 1k, wangxian, JYL & WWX, eating disorders, ptsd, vomiting, cannibalism, angst, hurt/comfort, JYL’s lotus pork soup has become a trigger for WWX)

Lakes of wine and forests of meat by androktasia (M, 1k, wangxian, aftermath of cannibalism, WWX’s burial mounds trauma, post-canon, post-sunshot, non-linear)

~*~

15. hi! thank you so much for all your hard work! do you know of any stories where people either spy on or visit the burial mounds and discover that wei wuxian and the wens aren't doing anything evil?

Jin Guangshan's terrible day, and Lan Wangji's not so bad one! by Tlkfluentsarcasm (Not rated, 2k, wangxian)

Check #18b on this post and #7 on this post for more fics that fit

the road in leaves no step had trodden black by Skadiseven (G, 1k, JC/WQ, JC & WN, JC & WWX, JC visits the Burial Mounds and gets conscripted into planting potatoes by WN)

~*~

16. Thank you so much for this amazing blog!! Wanted some modern AU rec were there is jealous LWJ

how to be a heartbreaker by sweetlolixo (E, 122k, wangxian)

~*~

17.  Hi Mojo! Your blog is terrible for my TBR list, yet here I am with a request. [Hahaha, it happens to us all.]  I'd love some recs for gameshow/reality show AUs. I've read and enjoyed I Don't Want to Debut! by countingcr0ws, Falling to the Rhythm by Selenay, and on your marks, get set, bake! by BlackWiresOnHerHead . This is the type of crack I am in the mood for right now, but they are hard to find! Thank you so much! @marilenalena​

shoot your shot -- hot or knot by defractum (nyargles) (E, 51k, wangxian, modern, ABO, hunger games setting)

Call me out by your name by Asparmagus (E, 51k, wangxian, inspired by the reality show Paradise Hotel, WIP)

❤️Knight Hunt! Phoenix Mountain by travelingneuritis (E, 51k, wangxian, modern, dating show)

❤️ start getting real by azurewaxwing (T, 21k, wangxian)

The Great Chinese Cook-Off by aubreyli & cafecliche & etymologyplayground & mme_anxious (G, 10k, wangxian, WIP)

~*~

18.   Hi! Do you have any rec fanfics that (18a) focus on the friendship between WWX and Nie huaisang? Or (18b) any fanfics where the cultivator world realizes when WWX comes back ( or after a major event ) that WWX is really, but like really, powerful and he could take them all with or without difficulty ?

18a)

❤️shades of grey by cl410 (M, 59k, nielan, wangxian, nie huaisang & wei wuxian, big brother nmj, my post)

a grain of millet drifting by RoseThorne (T, 7k, nie huaisang & wei wuxian)

Come From My Inkstone by magicgenetek (M, 150k, NHS&WWX, polyamory, WIP)

Gone Shopping by nirejseki (G, 2k, NHS & WWX, wangxian) and many of their other work

You Think I Wasn't Lost? by Eleanor_Fenyx (M, 3k, NHS & WWX, 5th of the series)

so you’ve been robbed by a museum by yukla (M, 6k, wangxian, Mojo’s post)

and so falls the fan by b_ofdale (G, 4k, NHS & WWX, wangxian, post-canon)

The Light That Fails to Dim by glowingreverie (T, 311k, wangxian)

Lingering Pieces of You by dragonofeternal (T, <1k, NHS, WWX)

18b)

Old Foreshadows by protos_metazu_ison (M, 15k, wangxian, my post)

❤️love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, Mojo’s bookmark) YLLZ is immortal and they give him offerings etc

~*~

19. Hello I've been following you since around when CoVID started and you do amazing work! I was wondering if there is any fics where WWX is actually closer to JYL age than JC. I feel like him being older would either make it harder on him or easier. @scented-harmony​

After We Say This by TiredAndTired (T, 10k, wangxian, series in progress, age reversal fic, here are the tumblr ficlets that inspired it) ​

~*~

20. Hii, first of all love all your hardwork to find the fic that we want.💕💕I’m just asking if you have any fic that married wangxian meet the old wangxian ?? @souky123​

Check #3 on this post for suggestions that may fit.​

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmemeand MDZS KINK MEMEon Dreamwidth.  Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!   ***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink!  Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[strawberry1212]

Kdrama Sexist/Toxic Male Lead Tropes

(originally made this post as part of another post about Run On but it got to be so long I just thought I’d made this list it’s own post)

-Possessive and easily jealous, and this is often played off as romantic. For a large portion of kdrama watchers who are younger, and for the majority of us who aren’t chased all the time by hot men, this toxic trait can easily be sold to us as an exciting and flattering trait. But this is in fact not respectful of the female lead’s autonomy. I enjoy the little humorous jealousy moments, (I am reminded of Crash Landing on You) but too often this leads to the classic “two male leads each grab the innocently wide eyed female lead and glare at each other” trope. Women are not ropes to play tug of war with! If jealousy over the instances like the girl simply having a conversation with another guy rupture into real problems in the relationship it is not romantic, but possessiveness is often mistakenly portrayed as an expression of love, when really possessiveness is just that: possessiveness over an object.

-Uses violence to solve problems. This is another thing that can be easily seen as flattering--someone is willing to go to great lengths to protect you/defend your honor/whatever the reason is for the male lead to use violence. This trope was deconstructed in the American movie 500 Days of Summer, where the male lead punches a guy “to defend the honor” of the female lead, but she when she is upset and embarrassed at the situation, he gets angry at her for not being excited over his violent sacrifice.

-The typical “tsundere” narrative of abusive language, but paired with romantic gestures, usually the Grand Romantic Gesture trope. I see this all the time, where the guy berates the girl, sometimes to point of just full on bullying, but then he throws his jacket at her when she’s cold, holds the umbrella over her while he gets wet, etc., In other words he may be verbally abusive but it doesn’t matter because he Truly Loves her. And that she should accept that and understand that about him and not expect him to be polite and respectful.

-He treats everyone but the female lead like trash. Well...he often treats the female lead like trash at first too, but this quality is also marketed as flattering. He treats everyone badly but you’re different! In reality this is super toxic. In fact, it is essential that a person treats *everyone* with decency if they are to meet the baseline requirements of being a person capable of giving and receiving love in a healthy relationship.

-He chases her one sidedly. Oftentimes he chases her even when she rejects him, which shows that dominating, male persistence is a behavior to be rewarded. Again, this is a fantasy easily marketable when many of us aren’t chased around by hot men. It is flattering for a person to be so interested in us that they are incredibly persistent, but this fantasy had very unhealthy, and even harmful real life connotations. There is a very important line between friendliness/respectful attention/flirting, and creepy and domineering. I think it is also equally important to note that in this toxic trope, it is important to teach both men and women that no means no and yes means yes. Not that you can’t have playful/teasing banter, but playing hard to get when you really want to be gotten, is an unhealthy coping mechanism for cowardice in relationships.

I think for this one as with other tropes on this list, it appeals to our childish, insecure, and relationship-immature side of ourselves that would rather have everything fall into place than be honest, vulnerable, and have agency in our romantic interactions. What I mean is, the fantasy of a hot male lead persistently pursuing us after a destiny meet cute is a fantasy where we don’t ever have to put ourselves out there. Where don’t have to consciously try to meet new people, express interest in others, set boundaries, i.e. do the hard work of negotiating our place within other people’s lives.

The hallmark of a bad drama for me is when the give and take between the male and female lead is: the female lead has to put up with the meanness and constant mistakes of the male lead as he hurts her (usually in tangent with the Noble Idiocy trope, where he breaks up with her and steps all over her “for her own good” for some bs reason), but in return she gets the Grand Romantic Gesture, and the male lead does most of the chasing. In a healthy relationship, there aren’t constant hurtful arguments, and both do an equal share of the “chasing,” or a better term would be meeting each other halfway in expressing interest in the other.

-Power imbalance. It really disturbs me how Kdramas fetishize power imbalances between male and female characters to create the helpless/incompetent/somehow indebted but also plucky/cheerful/abuse-taking female lead. This can manifest itself very overtly in the many Kdramas between CEOs and secretaries, which I still cannot believe are popular in 2021. Secretary Kim did a better spin on the usual trope--the secretary holds the power of being very good at her job, and therefore indispensable and respected in her own right, but it remains a mystery to me why these super narcissistic and childish CEOs are played off as “adorable manchilds” that always need a little soothing of their ego. But to return to the power imbalance, besides obvious power imbalances of wealth/power/etc., oftentimes the guy has supernatural powers, or by nature of his job has abilities that render him the “protector” in the relationship (My love from another star, descendants of the sun), or the girl is infantilized in some way to need to protection from the male lead (legend of the blue sea, she is a mermaid and therefore dependent on the male lead for guidance in the human world, bring it on ghost as well). I think these latter power imbalances are constructed into the setting of the story because more overt forms of power imbalances are frowned upon now, but they serve the same patriarchal purpose. 

This power imbalance inevitably leads to the female lead putting up with some abuse from the male lead because she “needs” him for some other end, and him holding his power over as a way to keep her close. It fits very well into the enemies to lovers trope in this way, especially some contractual enemies to lovers, where due to the power imbalance he is able to exploit/use her in some way, and keeps her close, and she hates him but has to put up with it for her own survival in some way, but they slowly fall in love. It’s super toxic and not at all romantic because they didn’t choose each other at all, they just were pushed together by circumstance, but again it buys into our fantasy of falling in love due to circumstance, rather than our own agency.

-Overly protective (OP) vs respectfully supportive. (RS) Essentially I can divide Kdramas into these two categories, OP and RS. OP romances can commonly be found in love triangles (where jealousy flourishes) and high school romances (where characters usually have less of a personality lol), and RS relationships are more common in working adult romances, where each character is pursuing their career/dreams and they support each other in those dreams. OP relationships infantilize the female character, render her as just an object in need of saving, and power dynamic between the leads is usually he constantly needs to save her, and in return she “softens”/“heals” him which, under deeper analysis, reveals itself to be quite an insidious and harmful stereotype, the kind of psychology that keeps women in domestic violence relationships. RS relationships are also better in that the leads have something going on outside of their romance, and are motivated beyond just ending up together. My favorite of RS relationships are Miss Hammurabi (two judges that work together to confront injustices in the judicial system), Run On (two leads from v different career fields, but they take interest and support each other throughout career ups and downs), and Hello My Twenties (probably my favorite example of an RS male lead--Sungmin supports Song as she uncovers her past traumas and stands up to an abuser, but does so following her lead and not doing her work for her, but rather simply staying by her side supportively).

Conclusion

This is not all the toxicity in the kdrama world--this is just what I can come up with off the top of my head as my least favorite tropes that disempower women and glorify toxic men and toxic relationships. And of course this is not a problem unique to Korea, and is by no means a condemnation of Korean culture, etc., but I simply happen to enjoy the aesthetics and innocence (compared to American shows haha) of Kdramas, so that is the entertainment world I am familiar with, and feel able to comment on.

[mariaiscrafting]

Let’s talk about the old Techno tweets

For a week now, I’ve been sitting on this ask that linked me to a Twitter callout thread on SBI. Although I have many thoughts about the entire thread, I’ve since only had the time and will to respond to the Techno part, and I figured instead of keeping it in my drafts and waiting to gather the energy to write the rest, I’d just post what I have.

Here is the thread, for reference: https://twitter.com/burner0321/status/1379103348364865536?s=21 Trigger Warnings: anti-semitism, mentions of genocide, racism, n* slur, r* slur, ableism, lesbophobia, racism Please prioritize your health and safety, and do not engage with this thread or this post if you will get triggered by any of the aforementioned. I love you, please take care of yourself, first.

So, let’s talk Technoblade’s history of making “edgy” jokes. When CCs tend to use edginess as a cover for offensive humor, they tend to do so to cover up the fact that their humor involves taking shots at minorities or employs harmful stereotypes, without addressing why people get offended by such jokes. However, when I call Technoblade’s old humor edgy, this is not what I mean. The reason I do not think people are justified in demanding an apology or addressing of the jokes in the Twitter thread is because they do not use the minorities or horrible things they address as the punchline. A joke can be in bad taste, without being malicious. This is edgy humor. In explaining my point, I want to address as many of the specific things in the thread as possible.

1) I don’t fully understand the “was Hitler a lesbian?” tweet or the title of that video, so I won’t address that. If someone has something to say about it, feel free to reply to this post, I’d love to see what you think of it.

2) Next, we have the, “titling my next video ‘mvp++ is worse than nazi germany’” tweet. What is the joke in this tweet? The joke is that the comparison between a Minecraft game and a fascist regime that caused genocide is ridiculous, and as such, would be effective clickbait, and draw people into the video. The joke is not that Nazi Germany should be taken lightly; it is actually the complete opposite.

3) Next, “#askpewds do you have any constructive criticism for Nazi Germany.” Frankly, without the context of timeframe or what the hell was going on within the Twittersphere at the time, I can only make a reach as to what this joke meant. I assume it’s in reference to the time period during which Pewdiepie was being framed as a fascist by several media outlets, and could either be a joke on the fact that people believe Pewdiepie to be a neo-Nazi, or a shot at Pewdiepie himself, by playing on the fact that he actually does espouse neo-Nazi beliefs. Again, the punchline is far from, “Nazi Germany was good,” or anything along those lines. Edgy, not anti-semitic.

4) The vampireZ tweet. The joke here is, “why did vampireZ think this was a good idea,” not, “haha get it, black people kill people.” As with many of these kinds of jokes, the existence of the word, “black” in the joke makes people think he is insulting black people. In reality, the tweet points out that the game is fitting into the history of media portraying black people as the more aggressive, violent, and/or murderous characters, and is like, “hey, isn’t this kinda fucked?”

5) This tweet actually does make an offensive joke that is malicious in its intent. Congratulations, we are five tweets in, and we finally found a joke that makes minorities the punchline. I completely understand people’s criticisms of this one. The punchline here is, “haha, I’m one of those entitled people who claims that racial profiling is the reason I was wronged,” and this minimizes the fact that racial profiling is an real, serious, and widespread problem. This tweet makes it seem like people claim that racial profiling is the reason they are excluded from spaces or that punitive actions that were enacted upon them are doing so unjustly. This can be extrapolated from the fact that it’s ridiculous to think that a) a Minecraft server would racially profile someone, and b) that a white person would be racially profiled.

6) This tweet literally just seems like a sarcastic response to someone who was accused of being a white supremacist and/or racist. Presumably, SealPlays was defending himself of not being racist, and Technoblade responded sarcastically that he was "totally” trying to recruit him to the KKK. I literally see no reason someone thought this was malicious? This does not make light of the KKK, and it doesn’t make black people or any other group or individual victimized by the KKK the punchline.

7) The slavery jokes. Presumably, the slavery jokes are in reference to the times on his Skyblock, SMP Earth, and/or Dream SMP streams and videos, during which Technoblade has done bits about making some of his friends slaves for him, so he has to do less work. Again, slavery jokes might be in bad taste, but there was literally no racial context to this, given that he wasn’t make jokes about any black CCs being his slaves. This is not to mention that he always played up the role of the one telling the people what to do, making it out to be a very negative role that only an arrogant, selfish, and/or callous person would fill. Think, Alec Baldwin playing Trump. This part of the thread is, however, so vague, that it’s hard to know exactly what instances the OP is even talking about.

There are several reasons I am personally angered by this section of the thread, but in an effort to make this post shorter, I’ll only discuss two: One, there are genuinely things that CCs, including Technoblade, have said, that carry ignorant and malicious connotations. The racial profiling joke is just one example. To create a thread where most of the examples are absolute bullshit, lack context, and/or were misinterpreted on your part is a disservice to minorities who want to have productive conversations about genuinely harmful things. I want to talk about this idea that minorities who talk about their experiences with microaggressions, such as racial profiling, are seeking attention/using an excuse/lying. But that one tweet is so buried under this mountain of bullshit that has everyone talking over each other and screaming, that the one conversation we should be having cannot be had. Two, I am utterly exhausted at watching people misinterpet jokes. As I have already said again and again, just because a joke mentions something horrible, does not mean it is malicious, or that it even harms anyone. A joke needs to make light of something horrible and/or make minorities the punchline to cross the line from “edgy” to “explicitly offensive.”

I would like to make a disclaimer: there is always two sides to a CC doing something wrong. There is the CC, who may or may not have had malicious intent, and there is the audience, who may or may not take offense to what was done or said. Both of these are separate, and I will treat them as such. What I am examining in this post is mostly the first thing - were the things said or jokes made meant with racist, anti-semitic, homophobic, etc., intent, or are people unjustified in stating that they were? That being said, and this is important: anyone is allowed to take offense to and not forgive a CC for making a joke or saying something, no matter what. Even if a joke was meant satirically or does not actually offend minorities, if you, as an individual, take offense to it and were deeply hurt by it, that is fucking valid. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. A CC can apologize for something, and that can mean that objectively, they are not a bad person and/or have grown, but that does not mean you have to forgive them. There are two sides to this coin, and they are not inherently dependent upon each other.

If someone is offended by any of the jokes Techno made, that is perfectly valid and understandable. Even if I or anyone else comes to the objective conclusion that any given joke doesn’t have malicious intent, that doesn’t erase minorities’ very real feelings about such.

[danieyells]

I'm reading Daikoku's little story from Valentine's Colosseum for myself and

MC got him Japanese sweets and a tie and that's so. So cute lmao like

GETTING A DUDE A TIE IS SOMETHING I ASSOCIATE DOING FOR LIKE. A TEACHER OR A DAD. AND I KNOW HE'S IN CHARGE OF THE POLICE ACADEMY BUT HE IS NEITHER MC'S TEACHER NOR THEIR DAD.

Also MC apparently was surprised Daikoku got them anything. . .even though he asked them to come see him. . . .

And Daikoku said that back in Takamagahara he'd been in love a lot/had a lot of love(specifically using 'koi' which is 'romantic love') to explain that even he knows how to act on a day like Valentine's Day that's. . .weirdly cute lmao. . . .

Tbf they're also mostly using the softer smile for him so I wonder if this is actually Daikoku and not Okuninushi? (Because Daikoku's summon dialogue has him saying that if you want to meet with the other him he won't allow it--so Daikoku is in there, Okuninushi just isn't keen on letting him out.)

Daikoku: Will you close your eyes for a moment? It's okay, there's nothing to be afraid of. I just want to surprise you. . . .

Sir, I adore you, you're the worst, but that's exactly why there's nothing not to be afraid of about you asking that.

AND THEN THERE'S THE SOUND OF A CAR???

YOU CLOSED YOUR EYES AND LET THE DEMON COP PUT YOU IN A FUCKING VEHICLE??? THE GUY WHO LITERALLY TRAFFICS PEOPLE????? MC'S DEFINITELY LIKE DIED THIS WAY IN A LOOP RIGHT???? "YEAH OF COURSE I'LL CLOSE MY EYES AND LET YOU LEAD ME SOMEWHERE OFFICER DAIKOKU 8D" MC NO

HE EVEN TELLS THEM 'THIS IS ONE OF MY SECRET HIDEOUTS'

AH YES LIKE THE PLACE WE HAVE TO GET THE ABDUCTED BERSERKERS FROM IN THE STORY??? ONE OF YOUR CREEPY TRAFFICKING DUNGEONS????? I NEED AN ADULT. . . .

MC's like "if this is someplace you don't want people to know about, why'd you bring me here?"

And Daikoku's like "why do you think?" And gets up close and tells them that he believes the highest level of trust is in sharing a secret that you can't reveal.

Then i'm p sure he makes the fuckin horny face

and says that, in sharing in something that would not be approved of by public/societal common sense with somebody else, a bond is formed.

I think he's getting closer my god he's probably backing MC into a corner because they have no idea where they are and i can only assume there's no way there cell phone works here.

He tells MC to undress and let their hidden desires(word used can also mean/carries the connotation of 'lust') speak for themselves.

Oh don't worry tho because he undresses too! By which i mean he takes his hat off lmao. He says he'll fulfil their desires('desires/wishes/requests' is the meaning of the word he uses, what it says he means is the same lustful connotation tho) in secret and give them a taste of "the sweetness of [political] power/authority".

He laughs and aays "this is how we got along before as well" and says he befriended every assassin who came to kill him.

Anyway he puts his horny face back on, 'fufufu's and says it's going to be a long night "Let's take our time--and have fun."

BRUH

MC WAS SO NICE TO YOUR ASS

THEY GOT YOU SWEETS FOR VALENTINE'S DAY AND A TIE! THEY GOT YOU A GIFT!!!

I MEAN I'M ALL ABOUT THE WAY THIS TOOK AN AWFUL TURN--I WAS HONESTLY EXPECTING IT TO PULL BACK AT SOME POINT LIKE 'HAHA JUST KIDDING DARK HUMOR' OR 'BUT HE CHANGES HIS MIND AND DECIDES TO BE NICE OR FLUFFY OR SMTH' BUT I'M GLAD IT DIDN'T. I'M GLAD THEY FLAT OUT HAVE DAIKOKU JUST BE. AWFUL AND TRY AND MANIPULATE MC AND STUFF LIKE

YES GOOD. I LOVE BASTARDLY ACTIONS. HE'S SCUM I LOVE IT!!!

[revolutionary-demosthenes]

Essay 8: treading lightly when it comes to “the subject of wife”

Alexander Hamilton found out that John Laurens had a wife when he saw letters from her. Gregory Massey claims that John Laurens didn’t tell Hamilton about his wife (whom Laurens had married in London because of an accidental pregnancy) because John didn’t think about them once he came to America. Which could be true to an extent, but I still feel like that’s kind of too basic a thing to keep from someone you are close to. This could be evidence towards Laurens harboring feelings towards Hamilton early on, since the beginning of a relationship is usually getting to know each other. It also could just have been a painful topic he wanted to get away from, but I like my theories.

Anyway, this essay isn’t about Laurens’s wife! (Though that will come at some point.) It is about Hamilton’s wife, and more specifically how Hamilton told Laurens about his engagement and marriage, and why he did so.

Hamilton first met Elizabeth Schuyler in the winter of 1777, but only became close to her when she arrived at the military camp in 1780. In April of that year, they became engaged. 

If Hamilton and Laurens were only close friends, I would imagine that Hamilton would be glad and proud to tell Laurens about his fiancé… after all, she was part of one of the most influential families in America, the Schuylers. But instead of writing him immediately, he waited until June to drop the news.

In a letter dated June 30, 1780, Hamilton writes: 

“Have you not heard that I am on the point of becoming a benedict? I confess my sins. I am guilty. Next fall completes my doom. I give up my liberty to Miss Schuyler. She is a good hearted girl who I am sure will never play the termagant; though not a genius she has good sense enough to be agreeable, and though not a beauty, she has fine black eyes—is rather handsome and has every other requisite of the exterior to make a lover happy. And believe me, I am lover in earnest, though I do not speak of the perfections of my Mistress in the enthusiasm of Chivalry.

Is it true that you are confined to Pensylvania? Cannot you pay us a visit? If you can, hasten to give us a pleasure which we shall relish with the sensibility of the sincerest friendship.”

A couple of things about this: Firstly, note the tone in the first bit of this. In the April 1779 letter when Hamilton jokes about a wife, he uses a tone much like this. Joking and implying marriage is a chore. “I confess my sins. I am guilty. Next fall completes my doom.” I read this as a sort of assurance to Laurens. Hamilton doesn’t want to sound super serious, he wants to joke around like he did about women before getting engaged to one. He also uses negative terms to describe his marriage. “Doom” “sins” “guilty.” This could be joking around, but it also could be trying to make Laurens believe that he was only marrying for status. “Confess” is also an interesting choice of words here. Confessing has the connotation of telling something you are afraid of sharing with someone. Hamilton is confessing to Laurens that he’s engaged. Again, this could be part of the not-so-serious tone, but... I mean, we know how good Hamilton was at those double meanings. And particularly at hiding his main meaning through humor, which is also evidenced in the April 1779 letter.

Secondly, look at Hamilton’s description of his wife in this letter. “She is a good hearted girl who I am sure will never play the termagant; though not a genius she has good sense enough to be agreeable, and though not a beauty, she has fine black eyes—is rather handsome and has every other requisite of the exterior to make a lover happy.” And though he then adds “And believe me, I am lover in earnest, though I do not speak of the perfections of my Mistress in the enthusiasm of Chivalry.” He still at first describes his wife in a, shall we say, lukewarm tone. Compare this with Hamilton’s description of his ideal wife in the April 1779 letter, and it falls flat. If Hamilton was describing Laurens in that letter, as is speculated in this post by @john-laurens, he could be basically telling Laurens, “I love you more.” 

Finally, Hamilton asks if Laurens can come and visit them. Possibly just to “give us a pleasure which we shall relish with the sensibility of the sincerest friendship.” But also perhaps because something as complicated as explaining to Laurens Hamilton’s wife was something easier and safer to do in person. 

The next time Hamilton mentions Eliza is a later letter, writing on Sep. 16, 1780:

“In spite of Schuylers black eyes, I have still a part for the public and another for you; so your impatience to have me married is misplaced; a strange cure by the way, as if after matrimony I was to be less devoted than I am now.”

Well, alright, first of all, the fact that Hamilton expresses something like this so clearly is telling. What is he doing here? Assuring Laurens that the love he feels for Eliza won’t affect the love that he and Laurens have. 

“A strange cure” also is an interesting line, because friendship was not seen as something to be ‘cured’ of in that time, but being in a sexual relationship with someone of the same gender was.

Now, time for speculation and reading way too much into the quote “A part for the public and another for you...” This could certainly be more of Hamilton assuring Laurens his love won’t wane... but is it possible that Hamilton was implying here that Eliza was part of his public life? Perhaps again trying to convince Laurens that he had married solely for status? (Which fairly definitively isn’t true. He loved Eliza.)

So again, this is Hamilton assuring Laurens that their relationship doesn’t have to change over Eliza. 

This tone is in quite a contrast to where Hamilton was joking about his “doom” in the last letter. There is a missing letter from Laurens right before this one, so probably something in that letter caused Hamilton’s change in tone when talking about his wife. He went from essentially “Haha I’m getting a wife feel sorry for me” (and the sexism in these letters is whole other issue) to “no no no please don’t worry I love you and that won’t change because of Eliza.”

Then Hamilton says, 

“I wish you were at liberty to transgress the bounds of Pensylvania. I would invite you after the fall to Albany to be witness to the final consummation. My Mistress is a good girl, and already loves you because I have told her you are a clever fellow and my friend; but mind, she loves you a l’americaine not a la françoise.”

To keep this brief... consummation is to (according to dictionary.com) “complete (the union of a marriage)” by having sex. 

This again seems to be, yes, joking, but also assurance that the two relationships were not mutually exclusive. In other words, Hamilton is making sure Laurens knows that he still desires that sort of connection with him.

I’ll do a longer post on this at some point, but basically Hamilton seemed to see his relationships with Laurens and Eliza as fairly separate. Laurens was his lover in the war, his “forbidden” love. They connected on a more professional level, shared more interests and were close not just in a romantic and sexual way, but in a way that allowed them to understand each other’s experiences based on their own. (In some ways. Obviously Hamilton’s upbringing was much different from Laurens’s.) That is, I believe, part of what makes their relationship so special.

Eliza Hamilton was his marital relationship. Because of the sexism and lack of opportunities for women at the time, Eliza was (during Hamilton’s lifetime at least) a more domestic person. But she was just as important as Laurens in that she was probably someone whom Hamilton could just confide in, receive comfort and advice from. The companion who was always there, unlike Laurens. And though they wouldn’t likely converse for hours on war (I mean, I don't think they did,) Hamilton probably needed that break from his insane professional/soldier life. 

What I’m saying, is that the relationships occupied different spheres. But what would have happened once the war was over, and the spheres began to collide? Laurens may have been right to worry about that, and Hamilton may have known he would. So he wrote several passages that seem to be pretty specifically trying to alleviate possible jealousy from Laurens, things the likes of which he did not write to other friends. 

Let me also say that this topic is one widely discussed and this essay is influenced by multiple sources.

[bobbyboops]

I love it when you talk about your family so here’s a question. Who do you think Bobby is closer to, his mom or his dad?

Oh that’s so sweet! Thank you anon! 🤗❤️🥰

I think he is very close with both of his parents, I think he has a strong relationship with both of them. However I think he’s a bit of a mamas boy. Not in the negative connotations but just I think he would go with his mama with just about anything.

I can see him asking his mama for advice about girls especially in his teen years! “Mom how can I impress ....?” “What do girls like?”

If he’s having a bad day or is feeling insecure, he goes to his mom and asks for a hug or a cuddle. She always has words of encouragement, and can see the parts of Bobby he tries to keep so hidden. She can see he hurts beyond what he is willing to admit.

Also one of my head canons is that he got his sense of humor from his mom. Something just tells me that woman knows how to crack a joke. I can see her having a really dry and sarcastic sense of humor. While his dad having more the traditional “dad jokes” type of humor. I think his mom would have that fiery Scottish personality and I’m here for it!

Asking her to bake something with him, or teach him something new in the kitchen. In my head his mom was the “baker” and his dad was more of the “cook” I can see him learning at his moms side, gaining his love and passion for baking. While learning the delicate art of cooking traditional Jamaican dishes from his pops.

I can see him however going to his father for the more “manly” talks haha I can see him not wanting to talk to his mama about that haha.

Anyways thanks for the ask! ❤️🥰 hope you are doing well anon!

[whetstonefires]

d gray man liveblog part 5! (part 1)(part 2)(part 3)(part 4)

Love the amount of personality Allen conveys by code-switching into different formality levels. the translators here are doing an excellent job conveying that, though i suspect the foul language there could have been legitimately punched up.

asserting that his oath to mana and the love that underlies it are his even though he can’t know that is...what makes Allen main character material i guess.

XD I want to ask when ‘being a total maniac with a personality whose internal contradictions are never entirely resolved’ became the shounen protagonist standard but i’m paging through mentally and it basically goes all the way back.

Ashita no Joe was like this. it’s always been like this. only the details change.

I will give Cross Marian .3 points for the possibility he predicted that offering Allen no mercy would inspire him to pull out his hardshell rage against the whole situation rather than crumpling under the weight.

stg allen walker is composed of 93% layered trauma like fine lacquerware and 4% mental invasion. the remaining 3% of his personality is what’s subject to contest. when XIV exceeds 7% encroachment is when shit is going to get real.

oh woo there is Politics afoot and Bookman is...actually intimidated by them, that scares me.

also he and Lavi keep conversing through thought bubbles and i can’t tell if we’re meant to understand they have a telepathic link or this is just an idiosyncratic method of indicating whispers.

lavaliere thinks allen is funny. or that komui’s attempts to reframe shit in allen’s favor are funny.

he’s not actually wrong that the XIVth can’t be trusted, but you want to insist he is wrong somehow because he’s already demonstrated that his standards for treatment of people who even might be compromised are inhumane as fuck.

i want to keep making Pope jokes but the recurring phrase ‘the central government’ just. it really does emphasize how much this organization is modeled on a modern Japanese concept of hierarchy rather than an early-modern European one.

...i am reminded that early European accounts of Tokugawa Japan recorded the shogun as the Emperor and the Emperor as the Pope.

labubibir just smirks when komui asks if his unilateral ‘we’ll tell everyone all about this in the morning’ decision has the pope’s imprimatur behind it.

srsly if we get to a twist that the current Pope is like. an animated corpse or a stuffed bear or a wooden statue or something run by a committee, i’m not even going to be shocked.

oh look it’s Link in that outrageous papal magic ninja getup. XD the role of Timcampi in this story is so weird. and great. he’s like. magic floating R2D2 stg, only if Luke threw R2 at Yoda’s head at some point.

...the point would be when Yoda actually explained about Vader before Vader could, but did it in the most assholish and unhelpful way possible

which you know i would believe would have happened.

Cross Marian it is so completely in character for you to turn up dead and thus useless at such a politically vital moment i almost don’t believe you’ve actually been killed.

only the fact that you actually shared significant information last night makes it seem reasonably likely this is not a fake death.

the disappearing body is a good trick. the guards sleeping and not dead is suggestive either way.

i like the juxtaposition that made it look link Link was blowing shit up by playing chess. (instead it is the marginally less ridiculous ‘playing chess at the site of a battle while ignoring the fighting’)

are those things even akuma? they’re fighting them in a graveyard and either the fight is non-serious enough or the chess is important enough that Miranda’s multi-tasking...

if she needs to use reverse on the board then presumably it...got spilled? but then they could just memorize the positions and let her let it go...

lol yeah okay allen scold the monster for its lack of manners toward a lady.

lmaoooo okay the chess was to win an Innocence-infused ring back from the ghost of its chess-master previous owner! normal duties have resumed in spite of the massive loss of personnel and allen’s identity issues, and apparently Link is now contributing to team efforts. this won’t divide his loyalties at all of course.

the chessboard didn’t decay with the ghost, so i still don’t know what Miranda was reversing time on it for.

+1 sassy old lady.

wow they’re actually building Order operations around use of the Ark, which only Allen can pilot. i guess anyone can use the doors he’s established so once he’s got a solid network running they can axe him but....

...Miranda it is rude to crush on a priest, though he has very pretty hair. (i mean, i’m assuming he’s catholic, since he’s with the Order, which works for the Pope. all indications really are that England is a catholic country in this universe.)

...it’s also a country where the Noahs are installed at high levels of government I don’t understand how no one in the Order has noticed that.

‘even if only for the moment’ ffffffffs link shut the fuck up.

...if anyone is inexplicably reading this without familiarity with the media property involved and picturing the hero from Legend of Zelda when i yell at link, please continue doing that, it’s basically correct except for being wrong in almost every particular.

oh good grief. So, they actually agreed with me about ‘can’t get rid of Allen’ for all the reasons i stated! they just announced to everyone he knows that they have an ongoing mission to kill him if he goes rogue.

that’s entirely reasonable, really, though depressing, but they had to be so viciously dehumanizing about getting there! wtf. “our very own pet noah” imma wring your throat.

...ten years has made Miranda Lott so much more relatable but never more than in this moment where she’s reminding herself she’s the only actual adult in this group.

also really feeling Allen’s “I don’t understand anything, but time keeps moving on.”

Holy shit the guy who knew Kanda when he was a small person now counts as foreshadowing of horrible things to come.

...how long have they left the bloodstained shattered window unrepaired so Rebeliel can sit here staring at it?

i don’t know whether i’m more focused on how absurd it is that this man does fancy baking (19th century! powerful! man!) or how terrifying it is that he’s offering Allen a slice of cake.

lmao apparently Reever is not a typical example of his role, probably because Komui isn’t. in fact, i don’t think i previously realized the ‘section’ he’s ‘chief’ of is the hq science section, because Komui acts like he’s Head of Mad Science and leaves Reever to be his chief minion.

also, this poor woman. her brother got horribly murdered working with these people and it traumatized them and now they’re treating her as a replacement goldfish because she looks just like him. that’s messed up on so many levels, though presumably she’s at least moderately okay with being misgendered or she’d dress differently. it being the 19th century and all.

...also i can’t tell if she’s meant to be a very pale black woman or if hoshino just did a ‘fat person’ character design around racist caricature visual tropes, but she’s got the blackface lip outline and a dreadlock ponytail, so welp.

wow Cross’ disappearance just gets more mysterious even as the evidence of his death mounts.

oh never mind Lebubble says it was definitely his bosses but he’s concerned because he was left out of the loop.

hmm okay that’s two women getting instant crushes on pretty boys and two relatively minor cases of sexual harassment in three chapters, all four times intended as humor, do not like this trend.

hmm now a trans woman being used as a visual gag. i’ve seen worse uses of this trope, but ugh.

the Ganimard expy is funny, tho. the amount of personality conveyed in a few pages is reliably high.

...i feel like he’s pointedly not given his prisoners any changes of clothes in order to maintain the illusion that it makes some kind of sense for there to be an entire gang of phantom thief that gets caught every single time.

that doesn’t actually explain why they’re all still wearing the outrageous hat.

aaaaand back to allen’s identity crisis.

wow, on the one hand cross is pressuring him from beyond the grave not to rely on Mana’s memory because that’s not his real self, but on the other hand he has to seriously consider that his recent lapses in the formality adopted in imitation of Mana were even less himself and in fact the result of a hostile alien consciousness breaking through.

haha this heist scenario is so exactly like a Magic Kaito one I’m guessing that’s a deliberate allusion and not just shared Phantom Thief tropes. (Though how do you tell in a genre like this, Ganimard-Nakamori-Galmar lmao.)

...the thematic element of speech-mode equating identity is really nicely used but lmao sticking out the tongue has sufficiently different connotation in Japan to make this possession sequence weirder than intended. which was already pretty weird.

daaaaamn link’s papal ninja moves are finally seeing some use. also way to signal your real identity bodysnatcher kid, allen’s like sixteen, an adult would definitely not call him niichan.

wow you can even use his papal ninja paper magic! somehow! that is a really high-tier bodysnatching skill. also lol of course kanda can recognize a papal ninja crow by skillset.

i am a huge fan of allen’s capacity for headgames.

oh my goodness is he seriously donating all the money from his thefts to an orphanage? specifically the orphanage where he lives?

and again with the boob grab.

...allen walker weeping that he’s bleeding is quite the hilarious sight but come to think of it if he can’t hold off one random crybaby bodysnatching kid his odds against XIV don’t look that hot, eh?

oh no evil undead nun.

oh that’s a great idea, ask komui for advice about what to do in the situation that an exorcist and his guardians are rejecting summary kidnapping. it’s not like he devoted his entire life to regaining contact with his sister after the Order kidnapped her.

oh no it’s another hideous potbellied angel monster and they’ve figured out how to jam allen’s curse radar. that curse was a present from his dad you bastards!

...mana was a really weird person.

you know link, i’m pretty sure from you that was protectiveness.

oh! a twist! the nun is evil without being an undead monster!

meanwhile the nice nun and all the orphans have been turned into puppets.

daaaaamn the Papal Ninja Paper Magic is good stuff! why don’t they teach it to more of their staff, maybe they wouldn’t have such high turnover.

...Kanda just referred to Noise Marie as ‘she’ but I’m pretty sure that’s a translation error based on the fact that his surname is ‘Marie’ and ‘Noise’ sounds like a descriptor based on his hearing-based power rather than a first name.

it would frankly be awesome if Noise Marie were a woman, but considering the only two not-conventionally-boobalicious and also not elderly female characters we’ve had were minor visual gags (plus i guess Miranda during her initial nervous breakdown), and that hoshino was genuinely startled people thought Jasdero was a woman, presumably because of the lack of visible breasts, i reallllllllly think she would be unlikely to design a huge bald muscle woman, let alone treat her with this much casual respect, let alone while writing her as gay.

regardless, if Noise Marie actually dies imma be so mad. not that me being mad has had a perceptible affect on the death rate--though Kanda and Krory did survive the Ark Battle Arc so maybe i do have power. or rather we collectively as readers do.

hah he cut his own fingers off with wire, badass.

allen’s talent for inspiring compassion claims another victim in Bodysnatcher Timothy and holy cow Emilia The Nice Middle Class Girl is here with a handgun to menace the giant monsters, nice.

i mean, they’re not very menaced, but she’s shooting them anyway, because fuck you.

...holy shit that’s a powerful ability. the fact that it leaves his real body vulnerable is kind of a major drawback even with good teammates, but wow. also for some reason his Innocence has its own consciousness???

which can pilot his body for him while he’s walkabout, how helpful!

Bonne the the translady prison boss has joined the count of girls who see a cute guy and get an instant crush recently, but for some reason she’s really into Reever? I mean, he’s good-looking, sure, but he’s not one of The Pretty Boys.

Just realized that part of what’s vibing so weird is, this is a shounen series, but the specific way it juxtaposes elements of extreme shittiness with elements of brilliant concept and execution is more shoujo in style.

sameface isn’t normally a big issue in this series but Link-with-his-bangs-blown-back looks confusingly similar to Timothy’s Innocence Spirit, whom Timothy identified as his adult self with startling ease.

kneeling there out of options thinking you’re going to die and you dedicate your last thought to revellier, link? really??? that’s extremely sad. did he actually do anything to earn your loyalty or is this just brainwashing?

I feel like last time through I failed to absorb the political implications of the Order having managed to put together agents who can stop a Level 3 akuma with their hands and then eat it. with their hands. i think they’ve been spliced with akuma, because ‘nothing human can get through this barrier.’

Lenalee going one-v-one on a Level 3 was a nigh-self-destruct big deal a couple of months ago. This isn’t just sloppily managed shounen power creep this is the obsolescence of the excorcists.

which in theory would be a good thing, but the way these guys are made has to be awful and our main characters were already disposable enough in the eyes of their masters.

At least Allen’s getting Power Creep too! New tactic: drop sword. Stab enemy in the back with it while standing in front of them because it’s still part of your body somehow.

oh good grief allen you saw what happened to tiki myk! how did you not see this coming. ughhhhhhh. i know why. your current life plan is to Denial so damn hard the universe breaks your way. this is your god letting you know she’s not going to indulge that touching optimism.

i think it shocked me the first time, but i’m not sure anymore.

yeah, deeply counter-productive course of action.

...i’m now used to the way XIV uses Allen’s face but the akuma seeing him as a flaming skeleton monster i had forgotten about. wut?

with kanda it’s not a question of did he count on allen being able to dodge or did he not care if he stabbed him too, it’s both.

the cognitive dissonance of the story trying to treat Timothy joining the Order as a Good End to this episode, the same way it did back in early days when they recruited Miranda, when the prevailing atmosphere of the story has become one of institutional cruelty and corruption wherein the Order is a hellish slave-taking death trap that eats its people alive is just...fucking me up big time.

am i actually expected to accept the content here at face value?

...i mean, it’s a good end in that our heroes are spared having to forcibly kidnap him into indenture, but Emilia joining to look after him is just. It’s not funny or heartwarming or empowering.

we’ve recently gone over how komui doesn’t want lenalee to see his joining the Order for her as self-sacrifice even though it was, and also how much it fucks him up being accountable for how evil this organization is.

and not to be awful but lenalee’s his actual family and actually sweet, whereas timothy is a horrid brat with a habit of sexually harassing Emilia.

And that was before the war reached a point where we’re seeing 90% mortality.

don’t do this emilia. nooooooope.

on the upside, the nice nun and all the children survived somehow!

allen’s relationship with Link is weird.

i wonder if i was meant to be disturbed by how similar Mana’s body language was to the Earl’s for a second there?

okay so can we talk about how in this moment of extreme drama where Allen has sat up in bed possessed by evil, timcampi (who never communicates except via body language and is a floating orb) gets a speech bubble containing a picture of a toilet?

because it was really important to let the readers know that the little golem theorized that Allen needed to have a pee, in between cutting from the unsettling Symbolic Dream to the terrifying murder face.

and the thing is, it even kind of was! it contributes to the pace of the whole scene, it reminds us that timcampi is a conscious being with opinions even if he can’t communicate much, and is witnessing this incident. and yet. toilet.

the entire storytelling style of D. Gray Man revolves around creating cognitive dissonance and it does not suit my brain.

...i honestly don’t know what to think about Link being uncomfortable sharing a room with Lenalee flashing that much thigh, but i know i like him better for the fact that he let her drive him out of his own room by falling asleep on his bed, and just stood around in the hall like a chump waiting for her to finish her nap.

and he escalates from threatening allen with a formal complaint to threatening to tell komui he’s alone in a room with lenalee lmao.

he really is fitting right in.

oh hey. it wasn’t just timcampi who saw.

yes okay thanks for the tyki myk update good to know there are long-term consequences for running a noah through with Crown Clown.

aaaand North American Boobs Lady didn’t seem half this menacing last time she came up, but now she’s flanked by Hungry Hands Dude and his partner and komui is looking freaked out.

he does that a lot lately.

[goodbyenothanks-blog]

Irony, Shostakovich, and You: A Primer

The best way to hold onto something is to pay no attention to it. The things you love too much perish. You have to treat everything with irony, especially the things you hold dear. There's more of a chance then that they'll survive.

- Dmitri Shostakovich

Hello, kind internet traveler. I’m Ed, a.k.a. D.J. Ed, a.k.a. D.J. Tullius, a.k.a. that guy who’s always in way over his head. Today, I will, in fact, wade into a topic into which I basically have no expertise or clout.

Well, that’s partially a lie. I’m an ironic dude. Annoyingly so. Maybe you know someone who says everything with a tinge (in my case, a slathering) of sarcasm, who does sub-optimal things for the sake of having things sub-optimally, and who engages in old fads or trends just because they’re overdone or old. Look, here’s a few pictures of me dabbing!!! It’s so funny that I dabbed because dabbing is overdone and well beyond the cultural zeitgeist!!! Wow!!!

Dabbing at a photo shoot

Dabbing at Amalfi, Italy

Literally dabbing during a graded assignment

Sidebar: Irony

Humor me for a moment. Sometimes (clearly, when I am using my time to its FULLEST) I wonder about the essence of irony, and a few questions always pop into my head. First, I’ll need to define a term: nth-order irony. Performing an ironic act is itself first-order irony. Performing an ironic act ironically (that is to say, that you are sardonically performing an already ironic act for the irony of doing something ironic) is therefore second-order irony. Similar formulae follow for all theoretical n-order ironies. The following questions perplex me:

Can One Classify Their Own Irony?

Is it possible for someone to self-describe their own irony? This is a massive problem for me to solve. Who’s to say what you perceive as a deft and cutting third-order ironic statement on the state of detergent consumption isn’t perceived by someone else as a mere, lowly first-order ironic statement? I think my dabs are of a second-order: I’m dabbing to ironically emulate those who dab ironically. However, to a passerby, or to a casual viewer, would they pick up on my deeper meaning, or would they view me as simply a run-of-the mill dabber?

Is Irony Definitively Classifiable? 

And for that matter, does this difference in perspective even matter? Is it even possible to pin something as first, second, or third order ironic from an empirical standpoint? One person at this hypothetical IRONY INSTITUTE OF TOMORROW might see something as one classification, while another sagacious scientist states that she sees second order sarcasm, and then you quickly hypothesize that irony could perhaps live in a state of multiple simultaneous orders, or maybe that much like Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle, if one knows the ironic message, one cannot know the layer or irony; if someone explicitly measures out their level of irony, then they have lost the true intent of their sardonic act.

How Deep Does Irony Go?

I’m convinced that there is an upper limit to n. There is honestly no way for someone, in my eyes, to exceed second-order irony. Second order irony, in my humble (??) opinion, is not particularly difficult to achieve, but at least in this writer’s (writer used loosely here) perspective, one would have to be reaching really hard to be ironic about ironically doing something ironically. Feel free to prove me wrong, though.

Can One Be Too Ironic?

Yeah, probably. This whole section about irony is certainly too ironic, and let us never forget this classic and DEEPLY unsettling second-order (at least I’m really really REALLY hoping it’s ironic irony) act over orange-brown meme juice.

Does Any of This Matter At All?

No.

Essentially, the previous section of the post. Oops. Praise be, Mahler Hammer. Praise be. (shoebox office shared this image with me don’t sue me)

And now that you’ve stopped reading, I can finally talk about what I have no business talking about. The man, the myth, the legend: Mitya. Or, as he’s better (but less adorably) known, Dmitri Dmitriyevich Shostakovich. Shostakovich is my favorite composer of classical music, and I feel like that’s in part because Shostakovich, too, was a pretty sarcastic fellow. But, he had many more reasons to be sarcastic than I. Too many moments in his life can only be reflected on with either profound depression or an aloof cynicism, and our boy Mitya chose both avenues at whim.

Imagine the following scenario: you’re a musician at the height of your fame. Nearly everybody loves you, and every new work you put out is heavily anticipated and intensely critiqued. Unfortunately, one person in particular really doesn’t care for your work, and he’s the despotic leader of your nation, who’s really stinkin’ good at having people killed. Next thing you know, his propaganda machine lays out a STINKPIECE about your music, and police officers are knocking at your door. You are forced to meet with one officer, and after some intense questioning you are tasked to return after the weekend. You, naturally, assume the worst and realize that the gulag and certain death in the lonely bitter Siberian wastes awaits you, knowing that if you try to flee, your entire family will suffer for your greed. You gravely return to the police station, asking for the officer that will surely arrest you for Crimes Against the State. Who? the unknown man in the station quickly replies. Oh, that dude? Haha, he got arrested for Crimes Against the State. All his appointments have been cleared, my man. Have a swell day.

haha.

This is just one episode in the Chronicles of Shostakovich, a man who lived daily with a fear of expressing himself too far outside the Soviet norms, while also being expected to provide the USSR with the world’s best musical compositions. This clashing duality, I think, fueled his (at times) ironic musical disposition.

Again, this isn’t to say that all of Shostakovich isn’t genuine or that his music as a whole is ironic, far from it. Shostakovich, as well as any other (in my opinion, better than any other) composer, can connote pure elation, despair, trepidation, anger, or any other feeling from the Human Emotional Palette. I think, however, because of his unique life-story and exemplary composing acumen, Shostakovich is extremely talented at displaying irony and sarcasm in music. I will now detail but a small handful of Shostakovich’s Ironies In Action:

Fifth Symphony: Finale

This one’s tricky, and a little bit of a reach, but hear me out on this one. I love the finale to this symphony. It’s one of my favorite symphonic finales. I particularly love the ending, the “finale” of the finale, for its subversion of what one expects from a finale. I think Gerard Schwarz explains what I mean by this better than I could, and he’s also right about Bernstein taking the ending way too fast! (PS: The blog post from which I got this mp3 is extremely interesting, informative, well worth a read, and also agrees with and expands upon Schwarz’s conclusion). The essential argument is that the banality and repetition of the A’s subverts the feeling of a triumphant ending. Shostakovich is intentionally overstating the triumph sarcastically, as if critiquing the apology he was forced to give on behalf of his own music (see incident above) and challenging the idea that perhaps his “practical, creative reply to just criticism” was a reply to something that Shostakovich himself perceived as “unjust.” (This also means that Bernstein’s doubled tempo removes Shostakovich’s musical sarcasm, yet another reason to just follow the darn tempo markings Dmitry wrote, Lenny!!!)

Sixth Symphony: Second and Third Movements

Luckily, these two are a bit more obviously ironic. This time I will trust in the word of the Mambo Master himself, but to summarize this video, Shostakovich is playing with two different ideas. His first movement is a spiritual “continuation” of Tchaikovsky’s 6th Symphony (which is also in B minor), as Shostakovich begins his symphony with a long, slow, heart-wrenching movement, just as Tchaikovsky ended his Sixth. Bernstein calls this first movement a “confessional,” and an entry in Shostakovich’s “private diary.” What does that make the other two movements? Bernstein claims (and I find no difficulty agreeing with him) that these two final movements are musical hypocrisy in action. They, on a surface level, explore light dances and fun times (as in the second movement) and a riveting circus (as in the third). That these two movements appear after the “confessional” of Shostakovich signals that these movements represent the facade of Russian society in 1939 (the year that Germany invaded Poland). The whimsical carefree world of dancing and of carnivals is far from what any part of the world was experiencing in 1939, and Shostakovich yet again is using his music to criticize both his own government and the musical expectations thrust upon him.

Anti-Formalist Rayok

I’ll conclude this brief introduction into the wide world of Shostakovich’s sarcasm and irony with a work that makes absolutely no pretense to be subtle or discreet. The Anti-Formalist Rayok was a work that Shostakovich wrote in secret and kept largely hidden, only performing it for trusted friends. The piece itself is an attack on the Zhdanov Doctrine and the idea of “anti-formalism.” In Soviet Russia, art was not to be made for the sake of making art, rather, it had to have some use or purpose in society at large. In the Anti-Formalist Rayok, Shostakovich, obviously affected by this enforced shift away from formalism, pokes fun at Zhdanov and other anti-formalists, and even directly quotes Zhdanov in some of his most outrageous and dangerous claims about formalist music. The music itself is light, vivacious, and fun, but the text and the connotations of the text certainly are not.

Santakovich.

Thanks for joining me on this short excursion through the irony and sarcasm of my all-time favorite composer. I never meant for this to be truly authoritative or meticulously fact-checked, so if you find a mistake, have a problem with something I said, or have more information about a particular topic, please PLEASE let me know. I’ll be excited to hear from you, and to learn more about my boy, Mitya. Also, before anyone asks, yeah, I did use Wikipedia to learn more about Zhdanov, Socialist realism, and the Anti-Formalist Rayok. I’ll reiterate that I am absolutely no expert in this field, and I wrote this for fun, and to introduce a Shostakovich outsider to the large, confusing, but amazing world of Soviet Harry Potter. To my knowledge, everything that I say is factual, and I listed my sources (check the underlined words!!) whenever I used them.

Hey, if you want to see me be out of my depth on a weekly basis, check out my radio show, The ƒ-hole, which airs every Friday at 10 AM on WMUC FM! This Friday, I’ll talk about Love (Love Love) in classical music, which is mostly an excuse to play Mahler’s Adagietto. I hope you tune in!

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

Why so many people type 'lol' with a straight face: An investigation

There's a deceitful act I've been engaging in for years—lol—but it wasn't until recently, while texting a massive rant to a friend, that I became aware of just how bad it is. 

I'd just sent an exhaustive recap of my nightmarish day when a mysteriously placed "lol" caught my eye. Not a single part of me had felt like laughing when I typed the message, yet I'd ended my massive paragraph with the words, "I'm so stressed lol."

I had zero recollection of typing the three letters, but there they were, just chilling at the end of my thought in place of a punctuation mark. I hadn't found anything funny, so why were they there? Unclear! I scrolled through my conversations and noticed "lol" at the end of nearly every message I’d sent — funny or not. That's when I realized how frequently and insincerely I use the initialism in messages. I was on auto-lol.

SEE ALSO: Crush Twitter proves that sometimes subtweets can be good

The next day, I arrived to work with a heightened sense of lol awareness and took note of my colleagues' behavior on Slack. They too, overused "lol" in conversation. Chrissy Teigen tweeted about the family hamster again? "Lol." Someone's selling a jean diaper? "Lol." Steve Buscemi's name autocorrected to Steph Buscemi? "Lol."

It was ubiquitous. And though some made audible chuckles at their desks throughout the day, the newsroom remained relatively silent. People were not laughing out loud whenever they said they were. It was all a sham!

As I'm sure is true with everyone, there are times when I'll type "lol" and smile, chuckle, or genuinely laugh out loud. But I'm also notoriously capable of assembling the three letters without moving a facial muscle.

Curious to know why so many of us insist on typing "lol" when we aren't laughing, I turned to some experts.

Why so serious? Lol.

Lisa Davidson, Chair of NYU's Department of Linguistics, specializes in phonetics, but she's also a self-proclaimed "prolific user" of "lol" in texts. When I approached Davidson in hopes of uncovering why the acronym comes out of people like laugh vomit, she helpfully offered to analyze her own messaging patterns.

On its surface, Davidson suspects "the written and sound structure" of "lol" is pleasing, and the symmetry of how it's typed or said likely adds to that appeal. The 'l' and 'o' are also right next to each other on a keyboard, she notes, which makes for "a very efficient acronym." In taking a deeper look, however, she recognized several other reasons one might overdo it with the initialism.

Davidson often sees "lol" used in conjunction with self-deprecating humor, or to poke fun at someone in a bad situation, like "if someone says they're stuck on the subway, and you text back 'lol, have fun with that.'" And in certain cases, she notes, "lol" can be included "to play down aggressiveness, especially if used in conjunction with something that might come across as critical or demanding."

"For example, if you're working on a project with a co-worker, and they save a file to the wrong place in a shared Drive, you [might] say something like, 'Hey, you put that file in the Presentations folder, lol. Next time can you save it to Drafts?'" 

Extremely relatable.

Admitting we have a problem

After hearing from Davidson, I set out to analyze a few of my own text messages. I found several of her interpretations applicable and even discovered a few specific to my personal texting habits.

When telling my friend about my stressful day, for instance, I realized I'd included the lol that anchored my message for comfort, like a nervous giggle. In my mind, it meant I was keeping things light, which must mean everything's OK. In many cases, I also add "lol" to a message to make it sound less abrasive. Without it, I fear a message comes across as cold or incomplete.

On occasion, I'll send single "lol" texts to acknowledge I've received a message, but have nothing else to add to the conversation. And as much as it pains me to admit, the lol is sometimes there as a result of laziness. I experience moments of pure emotional exhaustion in which I'd rather opt for a short and sweet response than fully articulate my thoughts. In those cases, "lol" almost always delivers.

A poor soul removing his "lol" mask after a long day of pretending to laugh.

Image: bob al-greene / mashable

The realization that "lol" has become a sort of a conversational crutch for me is somewhat disturbing, but I can take a shred of solace knowing I'm not alone. As previously noted, many of my colleagues are also on auto-lol. (If you need some proof, 3,662 results popped up when I searched the term in Mashable Slack, and those are just the lols visible to me.)

When I brought up the topic of lol addiction in the office, offenders quickly came forward in an attempt to explain their personal behavior. Some said they use it as a buffer word to fill awkward silences, while others revealed they consider it a kinder alternative to the dreaded "k."

Several people admitted they call upon "lol" in times when they feel like being sarcastic or passive aggressive, whereas others use it to avoid confrontation, claiming it "lessens the blow of what we say." 

"I've also noticed a lot with my friends that if they say something that creates a sense of vulnerability they'll use 'lol' or 'haha' to diminish its importance," another colleague noted.

While there are a slew of deeper meanings behind "lol," sometimes the lack of audible laughter simply comes down to self-control. You can use the term to communicate you genuinely think something's funny, but you might not be in a physical position to laugh about it — kind of how people type "I'M SCREAMING" and do not scream.

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Understanding the auto-lol epidemic

Nearly everyone I spoke to believed the auto-lol epidemic is real. But how exactly we as a society arrived at this place of subconscious laughter remains a mystery.

Though "lol" reportedly predates the internet, a man named Wayne Pearson claims to have invented the shorthand in the '80s as a way to express laughter online. As instant messaging and texting became more popular, so did "lol," and at some point, its purpose pivoted from solely signifying laughter to acting as a universal text response.

Caroline Tagg, a lecturer in Applied Linguistic and English Language at Open University in the UK, favors emoji over "lol," but as the author of several books about digital communication — including Discourse of Text Messaging: Analysis of SMS Communication — she's very familiar with the inclusion of laughter in text.

"Over time, its use has shifted, and it has come to take on other meanings — whether that's to indicate a general mood of lightheartedness or signal irony," Tagg confirms. "These different meanings emerge over time and through repeated exposure to the acronym."

In some cases, the decision to include "lol" in a message might be stylistic — "an attempt to come across in a particular way, to perform a particular persona, or to adopt a particular style." 

Ultimately, Tagg believes everyone perceives "lol" in text differently, and makes the conscious decision to use the initialism for various reasons, which are usually influenced by "conversational demands."

As for the increase in frequency over time, she noted that if you engage in conversation with someone who's a fan of saying "lol," you could wind up using the term more often. "Generally speaking ... people who are in regular contact with each other do usually develop shared norms of communication and converge around shared uses," she said. 

Think of it like a vicious cycle of contagious text laughter.

Embarking on an lol detox

Now that I'm aware of my deep-seated lol dependency, I'm trying my best to change it. I encourage anyone who thinks they might be stuck in an lol rut to do the same.

The way I see it we have two options: Type lol less, or laugh out loud more. The latter sounds pretty good, but if you're committed to keeping your Resting Text Face, here are some tips.

Try to gradually wean yourself off your reliance on lol by ending messages with punctuation marks instead, using a more specific emoji in place of your laughter, or making an effort to better articulate yourself. Instead "lol," maybe, "omg that's hilarious," for example. 

At the very least, try changing up your default laugh setting once in a while. Different digital laughs carry different connotations. If you're ever in doubt about which to use, you can reference this helpful guide:

LOL/HAHA — I really think this thing is hilarious as shown by my caps!

Lol — Bitch, please OR I have nothing to say.

lollllllllll — Yo, that's pretty funny.

el oh el — So unfunny I feel the need to type like this.

haha — Funny but not worth much of my time.

hahahaha — Funny and worth my time!

hah/ha — This is not amusing at all and I want to make that known.

HA — Yes! Finally!

Lmao/Lmfao — When something evokes more comedic joy than "lol" does.

LMAO/LMFAO — Genuine, impassioned laughter, so strong you feel as though your rear end could detach from your body.

Hehehe — You are softly giggling, were just caught doing something semi-suspicious or sexting, or are a small child or a serial killer. This one really varies.

heh — Sure! Bare minimum funny, I guess! Whatever!

In very special cases, consider clarifying that you are literally laughing out loud. As someone who's received a few "Actually just laughed out loud" messages in my lifetime, I can confirm that they make me feel much better than regular lol messages.

One of the major reasons we rely so heavily on representations like "lol" in digital interactions is because we're desperately searching for ways to convey emotions and expressions that can easily be picked up on in face-to-face conversations. It works well when done properly, but we've abused lol's polysemy over the years. After all the term has done for us, it deserves a break.

If we make the conscious effort to scale back, we might be able to prevent "lol" from losing its intended meaning entirely.

WATCH: How scientists are working to prevent your body from being 'hacked'

[chippedfolks]

Love

I saudade him and everything that has to do with him, everyday! From the minute I saw him put his glasses on and open his mouth to speak, I felt comfortable and safe. I was instantly attracted to him, and i will never forget that feeling, a warmth in my heart. It was exciting, even the way we met so unexpectedly like the work of god or the universe at that exact moment in time. I gave him a chance, and i don’t know why i just felt like i had too. I definitely feel like our souls have crossed paths in another life, and it was perfect their as well. Out of billions of people in the world i found him, so randomly and to me that’s so beautiful. He is my soul mate. He loved me even though I am black, Muslim, come from a super strict family, and that I live thousands and thousands of miles away from him (all of which have very negative connotations). Vanilla guy and chocolate girl, its nice to see that it’s becoming a lot more common around the world! I am so honoured I was the first girl to meet ur family and I hope you know that I love all of them. Yeah I haven’t known them for years and have only spent like 3 days in their presences but I Iove them jimmy. Your mother is so special to me she is my R! But just know I will always be there for her, ok! if anything happens. For all of you! After the first month…nah even the first two weeks of talking to him I knew I loved him, he was so fucking special how couldn’t I..he was/is everything I love in a partner. I loved our first encounter we were so nervous and scared in person and our first awks kiss and every kiss I ever gave him after that and every hug <3 and I loved when he got on one knee (well i forced him too haha) and gave me nala (as we were both wearing nothing) and asked me to be his gf <3 haha we were crazy. I even loved the way i told him i loved him at Stonebridge park on our 10 mins walk to the train-station. That was the first time he knew how strict my parents were..something i never wanted him to know because i knew it would be so fucking difficult and we’d break up over their opinion one day. It was not the most romantic place to say i love you, (i mean i was in tears and freaking out) but it just came out, but when he ran back up towards me and surprised me as i was waiting for the train in tears, i will never forget when he said he loved me too and wished he said it first and was feeling that way for a long time. 

He’s is my best friend, and i pray he’ll always be there for me as my best friend even if we aren’t together. He is the only man that has ever wanted to know everything about me, and that i was completely open to sharing who i am really am and that’s so special…no one has ever care about me that much. You know I’m not the type of girl that dates a lot or wants to fuck around. I’m a one man type of girl. And I miss him, and I want to tell him im sorry if he is hurting i don’t know if he is. I don’t know how he is feeling, he is very good at hiding. So he can be very mysterious in that way, and i love that in men. But if you are hurting in anyway, I’m so sorry, and I wish I could take all your pain away and suffer for you. It might sound crazy ok but i’d die for you and I would love you in sickness and in health. I really pictured one day being Mrs. Jimmy, it would have been a dream come true for me because you are all i’ve ever dreamed about and want. And you’ll forever be so special to me. I might not be with you, but my heart still cares deeply for you. So my long essay below is just a little bit of what I love about you Jimmy, and I wish I told all of this to you in person to your face when I had the chance. I wish I told you I loved you every day and I wish you could feel how much I truly meant it.

First off jimmy is hilarious seriously soooo funny and gets my weird sense of humor. He’s tall (yeah i’m finally admitting he’s tall) 😂  and smart as fuck! I’ve learnt so much from him. He is so nerdy (actually smexy) in the cutest way, and he’s not like any guy his age which is honestly the best thank god! He respects women so much <3 Love that he rates things, and researches so deeply about everything he purchases. Haha and the way he explains it to me a thousand times…and even though I don’t really care, I just love to listen to how happy he is when he explains it and I could listen to him for an eternity. I love watching his nerdy youtube video about tv shows, and his ‘how to become a better public speaker’ youtube videos. He always trying to learn something and better himself and it’s amazing to see him grow. I love that we have the same tastes in tv shows and movies (kinda..i guess i like romance a bit more haha) <3 and that he watched chewing gum with me even though i forced him to, but he secretly liked it. It was times like those that i miss! the simpler times. Oh and i’d watch tv shows he liked..honestly i loved the crown, i still have to finish up the last 3 episodes..wish it was with him but at least he watched it with his mama. It was a very educational tv show, and i do love it.

I love that he’s paranoid, and scared to try new things. But he eventually tries new things it just takes a while and he has too be very cautious (not like me haha). I love that he’s the only person i’ve ever met that brushes his teeth after lunch and not after breakfast. He’s a good texter, actually the best! And probably the only person that understand my fucked up texts because they never make sense. He’s so mature, understanding, and really cares about everything. I love looking at him when he doesn’t know i am (which is a lot), he’s a masterpiece and every movement of his face and body is truly a work of art. His soul is so pure, like his mother’s and father’s and brother’s. I love his huge personality, his lips, eyes, beard, hair, chest, arms, stomach, toes, legs everything about him is so beautifully gorgeous. I LOVE HIS MANHOOD, in all its stages, it is so PERFECT!!! I have no regrets about anything! I love how he naturally smells, it is soo nice and I feel like I’ve imprinted on him like a wolf. I can’t get his smell out of my mind (sounds weird but it’s true). I love how he tastes :D and I love his hips, even though he doesn’t I do. I love that he trusts me with scissors if you know what I mean you really have too trust a person too do that, and i love giving him massages and receiving them from him. I love that i know he would never hit me or lay a finger on me, he is just so gentle and loving. I love that he makes me want to dress sexier and look sexy for him, because his opinion is the only thing I cared about. I love feeling him grow under his pants and I love that look I give him when I want to rip his clothes off and he tells me to stop looking at him in that way.

I love love love that he’s Portuguese 😍 and I love his accent so much. It was such a huge turn on for me, the main reason i was so intrigued with him in the beginning. As well as his low sexy voice. I love his culture, and country and i loved learning more and more about it from him. Love when he says things wrong in English, but that I never correct him coz I understand him 10000%. I love giving him Hickeys on his neck and I love that he calls them hiccups. I love that he called muscles..muskuls haha so fucking cute. I love giving him head massages on the train and when he’s driving (anywhere really) just running my fingers through his hair. I love biting his beautiful sexy neck and his ear and whispering all the things I want to do to him. I love messing with his nipples, haha he hates it. I loved biting his chin just a little, even though it hurt him a bit he always got mad…I stopped doing it eventually coz my baby (ex baby) said it hurt a lot and I never wanted him to feel any pain. I love that he always tried his best to make me laugh when I was feeling down. And that he always told me everything was going to be ok. I love that he still stays with simba after all these years and isn’t afraid to say he has a stuff animal, so manly and now he has sabrina protecting him. Love the way he sleeps with one leg in and out of the covers and also when I try to wake him up in the morning, but he always finds a finds a way to cuddle me and get me back to bed and all quiet. Love making sure he’s ok in life and that he tells me, and trusts me when things are not going so well because he knows im always there for him. I love that he never likes to waste food, and he always finishes mine. I love that he used to hate when I would ask strangers for help, most of the time I did it just to piss him off haha. I love how happy we were when we went to a costa and that we would both never step foot into a starbucks. I love how competitive we are with each other. I love that he loves soup and I wanted so badly to learn how to cook all his favourite dishes, especially from his mother so I could make it for him. I love how he is with buckbeak, coz i pictured our future pets and how happy he’d be with them. I love that one piece of hair that always falls on his forehead and how annoyed he’d get about it.

I Loved watching him drive and I loved going to the beach with him and annoying him, i could go everyday!! Love that his mums his real bff ❤ Love that he always tries to think positively, even though it’s easier to think negatively. I love the way he dances (it’s so bad, but he tries so hard it is so cute) and that he sings along to every song even if he doesn’t know all the words. And I love when he puts a show on for me, because those dance moves are one of a kind. I love the way he would  grab me sometimes when another man looked at me, he was claiming his territory but he didn’t need to because no man could ever replace him. I love that he would make sure that I’m well fed, coz I don’t eat that well sometimes… and the way he chews his food so loudly. The way he helps out around the kitchen and house and can cook a little. I love that I know he’d NEVER EVER cheat and I trusted him 100000%, he’s not that kind of man. I love flirting with him, the way he sounds when he wants to U know. I loved making him feel relieved and I know I would never get tired of seeing him happy and relieved, if you know what i mean :D Also love when he bits his lips, and the vein’s he has on the back of his arms. I love all the little black freckles around his body and the little chest hair he has. I love that he thinks he’s getting bald but that i’ve prayed he wouldn’t and believe he wont…even if he does i’d kiss that bold head every fucking day.

I love us as sabrina and Alex!!! I loved that he used to tell me he loved my lips the natural color they were..no one has ever told me that. I love that whenever i first saw him..i’d put so much make-up and he’d hate it and after that i’d just do my eyebrows and i felt beautiful in my own skin and he didn’t mind. I love his presence and the way he touches my body so softly, also the way he hugs me. Our naked cuddles, and fuck me he was getting so good at his oral game just needed a bit more practice. Love the feel of his kissing my neck, Honestly he turns me on so much, and turns me into a sex crazy maniac which is cool. God he has the most perfect ass, so juicy i love it. I love that he’s not afraid to try the craziest things with me everywhere and anywhere. I love the little moments we had in person, like laughing on the train or on a walking tour..gosh i miss those moments they were so full of pure love. I love that i know which side of his face he thinks is the sexy side and which one he thinks is the nerdy side, but to me both sides make up the face the most handsome guy i know. I love the little black dot he has behind on of his ears. I love the way he would grab my hand when we are walking or puts his hands on my hips to guide me through a crowd of people. I love his dry lips. I love that he traveled to see me 4 times! Best parts of my university and I can’t wait to tell my grandchildren about our adventures with my first love. He’d always get mad when I lost something, but he always looked so damn cute, or the way he triple checks everything when he travels. I love that he would sometimes just laugh at my clumsiness, because he knew I just can’t help it. I love that he has goals in life, and wants to be super successful. I love that even tho I sometimes feel super insecure about the beautiful females around the world that he could be with, he always reassured me that he was mine… was is the key word 😔  It’s ok though i’m hopeful everyone of my friends…even his beautiful mum and mum’s best friend all believe we might have a second chance (hope then it lasts, i believe it will). Don’t know if its gonna be in a year or two or even when we are 60 but i know in the back of my mind as life goes on i’ll always be hoping for that day to come.

I love how childish he is, and he isn’t afraid to be. I love that he can put up with my craziness haha. I love his sharp teeth, and I love how cute he looked as a baby so fucking adorable and he knows it. I love that he’s the first person that has gotten me to look at the world differently (and i know he has learnt a lot form me as well), and he always pushes me to do better because he believes in me the same way i believe in him. I hope i made him him that he is destined for greatness. I love that he used to hate when i said nevermind, but i’d eventually let me know haha he hates that word. Jimmy is just so strong mentality and i admire him for that. I love how happy and in the zone he gets when he plays the PS4 😂 she’ll always be his mistress. I love how he taught me to keep happy aspects in life to your loved ones and closets friends only and not to share it to the world. I love that when I want to try super crazy things, that I might regret, he doesn’t tell me not to do it he just talks to me and always gets me to reason. I love that even though his friends said they would never date a black girl he did and didn’t give a shit. You could say he’s a rebel. I love when he talks to strangers and when he’s nervous but confident at the same time. I love how perfectly our bodies mesh together when we spoon. I love how his face brightened up every time I snuck back into bed at 2am in the morning, and he’d open up the covers for me and he’d just cuddle me and hold me close and we’d fall asleep so quickly. I love that he respected me while I was fasting, and he even respected my sister when she was. I honestly did believe we could live in a household together as one with two different religions, I never cared. I just love him for who he is…it most mostly for my families sake really. Whatever doesn’t matter now i guess. I love that we’d dance in the kitchen when we were doing chores together. I loved that we both surprised each other with our skills when we did activities, because theirs still a lot we never go to do together. I love the face he makes when he’s concentrating and that I always need to tell him to relax it. I love that “back straight” always rings in my head even when he’s not around. I love that I’m able to tell him almost everything, and he would listen and be there for me and would never judge me. I love how generous he is, and that he gives to charity even tho he doesn’t have much. I love how humble he is, he’s not cocky (well maybe just a bit haha). I love the way he looks at him himself in the mirror and is like yup I’m so fresh and handsome (coz he really is). I love that since the time we have been dating his sense of style has improved so much. I love when he tries to impersonate accents and acts out characters, like his stupid British accent. I love how goofy he is, and when we plays sports he’s so good at everything. Gosh it’s such a turn on. I love when he watches football and changes his team on that OSM app like a beautiful kid on Abby every day. I love when he tries to explain something to me 1000% times, even though I mostly know what he is talking about I just like it when he says it again and again he gets frustrated poor thing. I loved that he saw a future of us together, and boy was it amazing. I loved watching him put on some music and clean up his dishes after dinner, he always used to take his sweet time. I love the voice he makes when he’s like “your my gf and i’m your bf and we’re bf and gf and we’re special”. I loved studying with him through skype, he really did help me stay focus. It was nice to see his beautiful face on the side of my screen. I love when some rare nights we’d stay up on whatsapp call and talk suer late and then he’d just fall asleep with the call still going and i’d hear his beautiful breaths. I love that he takes a bite of a burger and then eats some fries and then back to the burger…like who does that? haha. Also i actually love that checked shirt i told him i hated, i’ve never missed it so much. 

I love that he tried with my family and siblings the much he could, he was so beautifully kind even though my family is just so difficult. But it they were lucky enough to get to know him, they would love him just as much as i do. I love/don’t love when he cries..but can honestly tell whether it’s happy or sad tears…he just rubs his eyes a lot under his cute glasses. He’s sometimes insecure about his glasses and has to take them off during the day…even tho poor thing can’t see so well. But i love him with and without his glasses. Love that he is afraid of anything touching his beautiful brown eyes, but i still think he should get laser eye surgery (but i respect that is he afraid, i’d hold his hand if he ever got it..i’d be right by his side and i’d take care of him after). I love that he loves man bracelets, they are sexy as fuck but I never got him any and I wish I did. I love that he’s competitive, and always wants to learn and improve in all aspects of his life. I love love love that he loves to travel and explore (like me) and that he loved going on free walking tours and museums like the beautiful nerd he is..turned me into one 😂 love when he answers questions In a crowd and the way his face lights up when people are interested in him being Portuguese. I love his stiff hand gestures and that movements his hand makes when he’s nervous. I think i’m the only one that has notice how stiff he is, love teaching him to loosen up and use his shoulders (he was trying :D). I love that all my friends said he was the perfect bf, and that i should never let him go. They said we looked happy and perfect together. I love that when I was at home by myself scared, he’d call me and let me listen to the the noise of his family so my home felt full. I love when he’d let me creep on Skype just because I asked. I love that he cares so much that he cared enough to proof read my boring essays, and correct me. Like however, haha just joking…I also loved living with him, it was amazing he is the perfect living partner and i was getting used to it!! I love that as much as i tried, we’d always end up (after cuddling) facing the opposite directions to sleep. Like i did try, guess i just gave up haha coz no matter what side of the bed i slept he would always face the other way. I love that we have a hell of a lot of common interests yet we are still so different. I love that he accepted me for all that I am he is. I am sorry if you felt like i wanted too change you, i don’t i love you..but i guess my family really messing everything up huh. I love that he tried so hard when I said I didn’t feel enough panda from him, but the next time we were together he made sure he damn well was an amazing panda and I never complained. You see he’s a good learner, i’d give him an A++, because I could tell he was really trying and i felt so much love from him. I love when he occasionally randomly told me i was beautiful, it made me feel so good inside yo. Or when he told me he liked my hair a certain way or he liked what i was wearing. I love when he surprises me, because i love surprises and i don’t get them that often <3 love that he has soft hands, coz he’s a king and never does the dirty work. loved that he always gets so tired poor thing, when he used to sleep on the train and lay his head on my shoulder like a big beautiful baby. I loved watching him laugh so hard on the dinner table with his fam bam <3 He has the most perfect smile, and i loved making him laugh so much his eyes would disappear and his smile would get so big sometimes he would laugh so much he’d tear up haha. And i loved staring at him when he was never looking, i did it a lot. Or when he was checking out other girls, he was so bad at hiding it but i didn’t mind it was a fun game i played with myself. He looked at asses more than anything, thank god i have an okay one.  But we were cool, i didn’t never cared that he watched adult videos, some girls do care.. but heck its life i never got pissed it was cool. Actually i love how open and loving our communication was about everything, i think we managed to build amazing communication skills. Plus i loved how he would never understand why i hated going through instructions, so he’d help me out once in a while..he’d get a bit angry haha. Also how he would always have something smart to say about my amazing/right theories, like you should never update ur old computer or phone coz it slows it down. Huge companies are evil like that and that’s just companies way of messing up your devices so you buy their new products..BOOM facts (mic drop ooooo). Loved how he never ever fucking listened to me about drinking hot water with lemon, honey, and ginger when he was sick or using an old t-shirt to dry his hair because towels pull hair out. He is so hard headed, but i love him man. I love him in all his moods and his good and bad days, i still love him. I love that he always managed to say the right things when i’m mad at him about some stupid thing. And i love that when he actually apologises, its so genuine and i can feel his love. I can never stay mad at him, i just can’t.

I love the way he speaks and bonds with his family, and the way he shows them so much love and kindness. I want my future family to be just like his! I love play fighting with him and making him fall off the bed. Because we all know i’m the WWE champ, he kinda sucks haha. I love watching him drink his cafe latte and eat a donut. And the face he makes when food tastes so good. I love annoying the shit out of him and being too hype, coz he gets all happy even tho he says he doesn’t like it (he does, because secretly I know). I love his great memory, and the chicklip, forlip, liplip, noselip all the lips he gave me and he liked mine too mianly the chicklip he liked them more than kisses haha what a weirdo. I love that he’s not afraid to be different and doesn’t care what people think. He really doesn’t care what people think. I LOVE Nala, Stuart, Simba, and Sabrina we were the most perfect family ❤ I love how hardworking he is and that he always gives the best advice. I love that he always wants to make others happy, and that he hated seeing me cry.I love that sometimes he doubts himself especially with his degree and sometimes his work ability, but i just want him to know i truly believe in him. And i know he can do anything in this world he sets his mind too. Love that i’m the only one that can call him jimmy fucking neutron haha.

I love that even when we argued and I was a dick who always had a problem with him..he wouldn’t say anything mean to me or argue and he tried so hard not to be like me.. so I wouldn’t see that side of him. He is always so beautifully positive <3 I love that I know he’d be the greatest father on planet earth in the future, and boy was I lucky to even be considered to have had a future of raising kids with him. I mean those golden genes are so beautiful <3 but it’s just the person he is..his future kids will have the worlds greatest father! I love that he thinks his hair is blonde when it really isn’t, ok fine it has a little blonde but he’s a brunette my favorite kind <3  I love how he is with my friends, I love that he doesn’t judge anyone for who they are. I love the look he gives me when you know, and the noise he makes you know. I loved those times we’d just laugh so hard in the middle of “you know” haha i was just so comfortable with him..i love him. I love how happy we both got every time we’d see each other in person (actually he got mad 2 times we saw each other coz my stupid ass was late but he got over it fast) And how happy we where when we counted down the days..like T-6 day! I love the weird faces he makes when he dances they are just so creepy. I love when he picks his monkeys and does it anyway even tho it’s super gross, but he’s comfortable enough too do that in front of me..it’s still nasty. I love watching him workout and get all sweaty. I love that he texted me everyday and night and that that alone would put the biggest smile on my face. I love our night time whatapp calls, fuck i could talk to him all night. Also that he waited a year and a half for me, he never pressured me to do anything I didn’t want to do!! If that is not a man you should never let go of then I don’t know who is. He is so polite and is honestly the best male in the world no one compares to him, not even one bit. I am so blessed he’s in my life, even he is a friend right now because I love how he’s helped me grow as a person and has taught me so much and will continue too. He truly has a bright and beautiful soul. And I will always, without a doubt, love this man and all that he is forever! I just loved that he tried his best with me, as much as he could. He is my home, where ever he is i’m 100% comfortable and safe and happy. I could go on and on about the millions of things I love about him (seriously this is nothing). We have had a beautiful experience together..and If you didn’t already know this jimmy, i love you from the top of our big ass combined foreheads to the bottom! Always and forever. I think now i’ve said my peace with everything, more like wrote my peace haha (bad joke) lol…but at least one day he might read all of this and know. I have so many unforgettable memories i share with him that are so beautiful, but i’m hopeful for what the future has in store for the both of us. I don’t think our beautiful story is over just yet. It’s just came in the wrong time for now but our time will come again, i know it will, if your open too it (coz hell too the fuck yes i am). Thank you for everything, it was the biggest honor being your gf even if it was cut short. I only wish you good fortune and pure happiness for the many years to come. And no matter where life takes you i will always be there for you and so will my guardian angel, you can always count on me and her haha.  It’s the least i could do for all the happiness and love you brought into my life all those months. My one regret was not saying all of this in person, but at least now i’ve written a little bit of how a feel and have always felt about you. There’s still much so fucking i could write, but i think the word count on this essay has come to a max ;D you know me and my essays haha i always have a lot too say! I love you! I sometimes wonder what would have said about me, haha just a thought i guess.