#Had a theory that M and M would get into a big argument

[thecluelessdoctor]

Unhappy Campers is indeed a disgrace of an episode and made me hate both Moxxie and Millie even though I used to love them both and their relationship before it. What are your thoughts on it?

Oh my god someone who agrees.

I was already pretty wonky on how much I liked M and M, but after unhappy campers it just put a weird taste in my mouth.

So many things about their relationship were forced for plot reasons that never get addressed, and are suddenly fixed because of one shitty apology from Moxxie.

Like we had ZERO signs of Millie having depression!! Nothing!! And in a show like this, thats something you need to at least make watchers think is a possibility!! And then, even after Millie basically says she has depression and mentally is really bad, Moxxie does NOTHING!!! NOTHING. not until Millies stupid big show that had no plot relevance what so ever, where makes a shitty apology, and Millie immediately forgives him!! Yes I understand you shouldn't hold grudges, but this was a serious thing!! Moxxie was being selfish (which is REALLY out of character) and being a complete asshole! It kinda sucks too because a line in Moxxie's song in the final of season one was 'i'll never take you for granted' and what does he do?? Take her for granted!! But the thing is, the show didn't show this as bad, feeding into it even more!!

The episode in general sucked from the horrible, horrible jokes, to poor writing, to plot, it just sucked.

Another thing that makes me so mad about this episode is how it completely sweeps what the hell happened to Stolas under the rug!! Like in the beginning I originally thought Blitz was breaking into the hospital Stolas' was in!! That would have made for something interesting if they keep wanting to feed into stolitz!! Personally I don't think stolitz should be a thing, at least not in the way how Helluva boss is trying to make it happen. It feels way to forced, and it's incredibly wrong because Stolas as a person and character is HORRIBLE.

Or! If they REALLY wanted the whole barbie plot line, THEY SHOULD HAVE FOCUSED THE EPISODE ON BLITZ. Moxxie and Millie did not need to be in this episode! All they needed to do is have blitz send them on a solo mission as a explanation for why they weren't there.

Anyway, overall this episode put a really bad taste in my mouth so now I want to watch m and m fall. Well I've been wanting to watch their relationship get worse because depth

I swear I'ma rewrite the episode that how much I hate it

[liugeaux]

I’m Sure Ben is Broken By Now

Living in MS has a lot of disadvantages. Residents will tell you the trade off is reasonable property value, but it makes sense that its cheap to live where no one wants to be. I don’t know if that’s true for me, but that’s not what this is about. This is about one of my favorite Butt Rock bands and my nearly accidental attendance of over half a dozen Breaking Benjamin (henceforth referred to as BB) shows.

BB has a propensity to play concerts incredibly close to where I’m living. Of the 7 times I’ve see them, only twice have I driven more than 15 minutes, and I’ve never driven more than 3 hours. I don’t know what it is, but of the big 00s butt rock bands, BB found a second home in the Jackson area.  I’d say Seether is probably a close 2nd since I recall them playing here at least 5 times.  

Let’s talk about each of my concert experiences, or at least what I can remember of them. I’ve never done a post like this, so I hope this is as much fun as I think its going to be.

(Photo taken from Google images, It’s supposed to be the band circa 2003)

Hal & Mal’s w/Saliva - 1/14/2003

In 2003 BB were nobodies. I had never heard of them, and their attempt at a radio hit, “Polyamorous”, was limp, at best. That’s not a condemnation of the Saturate album (I adore that release), they just hadn’t hit it big yet. They were opening for Saliva at Hal & Mal’s an institution of a venue in downtown Jackson. I’d hesitate to name it the premiere Bar/Venue in town (because its neighbor Martin’s would put together a great argument), but by 2003 H&Ms had become an the go-to concert venue for rock bands in the area. I don’t remember most of the fine details of the show, but I do remember being absolutely impressed with the entire performance. So much so, that I immediately went and bought Saturate the following week. I also remember the band’s equipment acting up. “We’ll come back when our shit isn’t fucked up.” exclaimed Ben Burnley about halfway through their troublesome set. Burnley and the band seemed shy the entire show, almost unsure of what to do with the attention they were getting. Showmen, they were not. They were raw and green, but even with Burnley’s obviously timid demeanor, they played those early songs like each one was a smash hit. As for their stage presence, there’s more to come on that.  

CPR Fest - 5/4/2003 

The farthest I’ve ever driven to see BB is Biloxi, MS. Well, I guess I technically didn’t drive down to just see BB. It was CPRfest and I was mainly there to see a  Godsmack, Theory of a Deadman, Saliva, Trapt and Smile Empty Soul. Yes, a murders-row of cheesy early-aughts post-grunge Mainstream Rock. BB had the prime spot of playing directly before the closer, Godsmack. So, instead of the slumming it outside in the “preshow heat” BB played in the MS Coast Coliseum-proper. Just like the Jackson show 4 months earlier, the band was solid, if not a little stiff. They sounded great, but Brunley in-particular seemed very nervous. It was a much bigger show than the H&M’s show and it felt like he just wanted to get to the end. This was the first BB show I saw as a “fan” and since seeing them earlier in the year, they felt significant in the rock scene. 

105 Capitol - 10/1/2004

I 2004 BB were touring in support of their hit album We Are Not Alone. They were headlining and played a show in downtown Jackson. The venue, 105 Capital, didn’t last very long, but this show was great. Thornley (The band Ian Thornley built following the break-up of Big Wreck) opened for them and put on  quite a memorable show. I remember being on the second or third row for the entire concert. Burnley had clearly learned a lot about performing live and overall, he felt more like a showman. It was a visceral show, that I’d say, is the best BB concert I’ve ever seen. I got a couple picks a the setlist from the show (pictured below) and I vividly remember the band being very taken aback by how familiar the audience was with their material. They had a real “this rock-star stuff might actually be working” vibe to them. I was 21 at the time, so it sits squarely into my psyche as one the most formative concerts I ever attended.

Hal & Mal’s - 8/22/2006

As promised in 2003, BB returned to Hal & Mal’s when “their shit wasn’t fucked up.” This time, they were the headliner and demanded a much larger crowd/presence. Sadly, I don’t remember much from this show. Since I’m a blogging weirdo I have an old Myspace post I can point to for an overview of that night. If you can get past the terrible writing and clearly un-checked grammar, it’ll give you an idea of what went down. 

In retrospect, the biggest takeaway from the show was Dropping Daylight. I love Dropping Daylight’s debut album and I would have never checked them out if not for that BB show. The similarity of me discovering Dropping Daylight the same way I discovered BB is not lost on me. Sadly, Dropping Daylight didn’t have the career that BB has had, but the parallel, seemed significant for years.  

Jubilee Jam XX - 6/16/2007

A year later, a block away from Hal & Mal’s, Ben and the (original) boys played Jubilee Jam XX, a now defunct Jackson music festival. Like the previous show, I wrote up a Myspace post reviewing the whole thing. Technically, BB opened for Three Days Grace, but in practice, it was more of a co-headlining show.  

I mentioned this in the link above, but footage of one of the coolest parts of that concert is actually available on Youtube. Adam from Three Days Grace helped perform “Dance With the Devil” and somebody with a pre-smartphone camera, captured it. This was the last time I saw the original BB line-up and consequently, the last time I saw them pre-hiatus. 

City Hall Live - 10/12/2017

A cool 10 years later, after the 4 year hiatus and the complete overhaul of Ben’s bandmates, BB returned to the Jackson area. This time, they played in my backyard, at City Hall Live, a venue that’s quite literally walking distance (if you consider 38 mins, walking distance) from my house. I wrote about this show in my 2017:The Year of the Concert post. It was quite weird. Billed as an acoustic show (years before they released their acoustic album), it had no opener, and was in an ultra small market. The fact that it even happened is still a shock.  

Most of what I want to say about the show is said in the original post, but what I didn’t mention is that my lovely wife, as usual, got the setlist. This isn’t big news. What IS big news, is that she actually got 2 setlists (1 for me and 1 for her sister) and this was at a show where they were selling setlists at the merch table. She is clearly wielding a witchcraft most wouldn’t understand.   

Brandon Amphitheater - 5/18/2022

The most recent BB adventure also happened in my backyard. Ben and the boys played the Brandon Amphitheater. Ever since the Amphitheater opened, I wondered what type of artists they would be able to book. Brandon, better yet, central MS, isn’t a haven of popular music. Jackson has some dynamite local artist, but none of them are big enough to headline in Brandon, and to be honest, our radio stations are Olympic-level trash. So, when BB booked the big-boy venue, I was shook. At this point, I’m pretty familiar with what a BB show consists of and the Amphitheater show was EXACTLY what I was expecting. Not that its a bad thing, its just very ... on-brand. Ironically, they were sort-of supporting their acoustic album Aurora and even though they played an acoustic show around-the-corner 5 years earlier, this show was fully electric. The openers were solid; Lacey Sturm and Seether. The coolest moment of the entire night  had nothing to do with BB. It was Sturm singing the Flyleaf-classic “I’m So Sick” with Seether during their set. BB put on a predictable and reliable show. Unfortunately nothing too special can really be said about it. 

Ever since I saw them as a clumsy opener for a second rate nu-metal act, BB have grown and changed into a modern-rock hit factory, with a tried and true method to sell tickets and entertain audiences. So, many formative memories are tied to BB and my love of their music. I’ll likely be a fan for the rest of my days, however, I think I’m done seeing them live. Or, let me re-phrase that, they would have to make it incredibly convenient for me to see them again. Sure, the last two times have fit that bill, but going forward, I’m not going out of my way to attend a BB concert. Hell, they played Biloxi (a short 3 hour drive) this past week and I didn’t even flinch. Take from this what you will, but it’s definitely not me shitting on the the the band or their live show, its more of a “I’d rather see something new” situation. Who knows? Maybe their next album will be great, and my hunger to see them live will be re-ignited. Until then, Breaking Benjamin ... we good.  

EDIT: The above phrase “They would have to make it incredibly convenient for me to see them again.” actually happened. See Below. 

City Hall Live - 1/26/2024 

They did it again, BB played in my backyard. 6 and a half years after playing City Hall in my hometown, they again played another “stripped down” acoustic show in the same venue. This show was the first time I left a BB show thinking, I might have wasted my time and money. The whole vibe was weird as hell. Burnley hit the stage very talkative and sounding extremely high. Like, two-edibles-deep high. However, since the music sounded great, I’m not going to hold that against him. With a lot of chatting between each songs, the show had 3 less songs than the last time they played City Hall Live and there was no encore. What made the show super weird was Burnley brought his 9 year old son on the stage, as kind of a mini-me, and let him sing and play guitar for THE DURATION OF THE SHOW. He mimicked everything his dad did and even became a key part of Burnley’s banter with the crowd. All of this was done under the guise of “we like to keep it cool and laid back for our unplugged shows, we’re just havin’ fun.” It gave the show a real bootleg feel to it, and the rest of the band didn’t seem thrilled that lil-Ben was getting to tag along. Keep in mind, this was a Friday night show during the school year, and it sounded like mini-Ben had joined them for all their shows. Is Ben Burnley homeschooling his 9 year old so he can bring him on tour? I’m not necessarily shaming his parenting decisions, the whole thing is just exceedingly weird. To add another layer to this, his bandmates may not even feel comfortable speaking out against being Mini-Ben’s backup band, as Burnley has a history of firing bandmates for overstepping. 

Quirks aside, as I said, they still sounded great, but twice during the show Burnley asked the audience permission to play deep cuts, with the results being “Away” and “Firefly”, both from their second album We Are Not Alone, and cuts that aren’t that deep. The bigger crime is again not properly capitalizing on the Unplugged format. As I noted in the linked post above, BB have yet to understand what “stripped down” actually means. There shouldn’t be screaming, 3 acoustic guitars is too much, and the drums should be subtle. Everything should be low-key, not just a normal performance with acoustic instruments. Shows like this are a golden opportunity to highlight some of the softer deeper cuts in the BB library. A few that quickly come to mind are “Dear Agony”, “Here We Are”, “Rain” and “Next to Nothing” the last of which notably features an acoustic guitar. With all these factors in mind, I really don’t know if I’ll attend another BB show. At this point, it might just be to further document Ben Burnley’s ever-increasing journey into weirdness. 

[sammysshadowself]

Okay, big news. This realm or dream is actually very real and has something to do with our brains. Let me explain; like I said earlier today in the comments, I was in school. (I go to school on Saturday’s for tutoring and library help- our school apparently has it as a free “come if you want help” day? Idk, but I haven’t heard of other schools doing that.)

Axel was there too, reading in the library. He was reading up on Nordic Mythology and I can guess why. I sat and talked with him about what had happened. The conversation can be summarized by confusion, theories, and then a disturbing realization: What did Alan see? Alan is the leader of the debate club and was usually in on Saturday’s to help out in the library. Axel was waiting for him and had not heard from him yet. And that’s when we got the idea that he may have also found this weird place that had almost killed us both. We had a moment of confusion on how to actually go to that place but we ultimately found a way:

- Leave the school

- Talk about the place while walking back into school

- you’re in.

When we walked into the school, I felt my hands wrap around something familiar- two hand sickles that I had used on Mímir before. I saw that Axel also had his handgun, a revolver. He held it in his hand, confused about it. I told him something like “I have a weapon too. Lucky, you got a gun.” We tried to laugh it off, ignoring the fact that this place was real and we were walking through it. We called out for Alan, eventually hearing him call back.

We ran towards him. He was outside the school in the backyard of the place, glaring at a tall emerald structure in the horizon. It was something out of an illustration from the darkest mind of the generation- a jade and green cataclysmic tower built off of a mountain. There were such dynamic and clashing building styles holding the obelisk of emerald up. Greek columns would hold up circus tents that stood across from green-tinged docks over a sea of mold colored water. At the very top of it all stood the emerald palace, a glistening mansion that had a very big 1960’s feel to it. Even from afar (VERY afar mind you,) the royalty that exudes from that palace is unforgettable.

Alan snapped to us, demanding an answer about this place. I could see the cracks in his mind forming, unable to comprehend this. I had an easy time digesting it (were already in some sort of mind dungeon.) We tried to explain it to him before we were cut off by another clone.

“Don’t get too close to me. You don’t want to catch what I have.”

That mangled voice was once again using one of my friends as a means to insult them. Behind Alan stood a clone of himself, those same yellow eyes glaring at the three of us. Alan fell silent.

“What? Can’t talk back? First at home and now here too?”

Alan took a step back, probably scared out of his mind.

“You haven’t told them yet? About how sick you are? Are you afraid of people knowing that you’re some sick weirdo?” The clone was an unmoving copy of Alan, sneering at Alan’s suffering.

“It’s not that-“ Alan tried to defend himself but was shushed by that disgusting voice.

“Then maybe it’s your family. Are you too scared to tell them that none of the pills have been working?” Alan started to get mad, or at least adding madness into the mixture of emotions he was feeling. Axel and I didn’t know what to do, we were frozen up. Axel turned to me for guidance, I could see it out of the corner of my eye, but I had none to give. He pointed his gun at the clone.

“Who even the hell are you? Get out of here- just leave me alone.”

“Who am I? I’m you! And I’m the worst fuck up on this planet. Isn’t that true? Right Elen?” Alan fell silent again.

“I’m so quiet and mysterious- I’m not scared of anything! I’m the cool one, the one who’s able to beat anyone in an argument. I wonder where I got it from. Maybe mommy and daddy were always yelling and I wanted to do something with that. Maybe I always hd to defend my little siblings. Maybe, maybe, fluff and filler, and all speculation! These people don’t even know your real name, right Elen?”

“Shut up!”

“You’re not scared of anything like that. You’re scared of me- of yourself- you’re real self, and the voice of the girl you know you can’t ignore. Worse yet, you’re scared of anyone seeing just how scared you are. Well too late. Here I am! A scared little sourpuss.”

“That’s not true.. I’m not scared and you’re not me! You’re just some sick twisted fuck!”

That’s when another body snatch happened. Alan slumld to the ground, his shadow disappearing. His body slunk back up, like some invisible force was licking him up.

“I am a shadow, the true self, the deepest fear a human can have. You’ve seen who I really am and for that, you must die.”

A fight ensued. This time, the nasty aura around Alan was in the shape of an almost Dwarvish man holding some sort of blade that had three blades, all curled into circles (picture attached) From this fight I learned a couple important things:

- I can summon Lady to attack with or for me but it drains me (kind of like MP in a jrpg or something if the sort. Her magic is dark and entirely magical)

- Axel can summon Mímir by shooting straight up into the air. Mímir has a cold presence, firing chunks of ice. He did this quite often

- I apprently know how to use two hand sickles in battle. Likewise, Axel knows how to fire a gun. His gun doesn’t use bullets either, which I thought was weird. (But then again… y’know. Look around.)

- Using this magic was like having your blood drawn. It didn’t hurt and it was clean, but after a while you feel light headed and weak.

After the fight (once again, we won,) Alan was face to face with this clone, this Elen figure.

“You’re not me.. you’re not..” Alan was on his hands and knees, unable to catch his breath.

“You have to accept it dear. It’s the only way.” Axel spoke out to Alan, love guiding his voice. It took a moment of silence, but he spoke.

“You are me. I have a chronic illness that I’m scared to tell people about. On top of that.. I’m trans. I am a girl, I just thought I could push it down or maybe even die before I.. before I told anyone. Sorry. I was acting out of fear but I can’t do that anymore. I can’t live like this.”

Her clone nodded and faded into their new “persona” (Like Lady and Mímir, the word just feels right.) She wasn’t a Dwarvish man at all, but instead a haggard and witchy woman who was riding a black cauldron like a skateboard. Her hair was wild and long, covering up most of her body. She held a cudgel in one hand, her other being adorned in rings and bracelets.

“Baba Yaga…” and with that, Alan slumped over. We took hher out of this world and back into the real world Again, our injuries are cleared but we are EXHAUSTED. Axel takes her to his house, promising to talk tomorrow over FaceTime. We shared our number and both went home, exhausted.

Uncle Jack asked me how I was doing at school. I told him I was fine, but he told me about the days I was missing. The school called him so he essentially out a lock on me. I can’t leave the house after 5 on a school day anymore because of the mind dungeon thing. Honestly, fair enough, I was dealing with enough so I don’t really care. I just kinda laid down and tried to swallow what had just happened.

I’m starting to write these not just for y’all, but for me. I wrote the first one out of desperation for help with the Igor dream, but now I’m writing these to vent and get some sort of outside help. To the one person who replied, thanks! You a real one! :3

And to the three others who read these, goodnight. Sleep tight.

(EDIT:) I skimmed over a LOT of details. Upon rereading this, I did not describe the battle or anything. I was dead tired when I wrote this (just fought a witchy dwarf lady, almost died.

It was experimental to say the least. Trying to cast some sort of dark magic on my friend Elen, (who I will refer to as such from now on,) The fight was something right out of a fantasy novel. Elen was thrashing at us with her aura’s power, and when she hit, it felt like having a meat tenderizer pressed into you, leaving your skin textured and bruised. I tried to do close range combat, but I found that using Lady’s magic blasts worked better. I could control them, aim them, and not need to get punched in the face to use them.

Axel opted for the gun, shooting at Elen (again, not real bullets I don’t think?) and shooting straight up to summon icecicles. He only did that a couple times, usually sending his persona out to attack Elen. I didn’t know our personas could get so physical. That’s the long and short of it though. )

[lokiondisneyplus]

Yes, Loki series director Kate Herron knows about your fan theory about the show, the analysis you posted to social media. No, she won’t tell you what she thinks about it, or whether you were right.

“I follow all the conversations on Twitter,” Herron told Polygon in an interview shortly after Loki’s season 1 finale. “I don’t always weigh in on them, because I made the show, so they don’t want me weighing in like, ‘Actually, guys…’ I think that’s the whole point of art — it should be up for debate and discussion.”

[Ed. note: Spoilers ahead for season 1 of Loki.]

Loki has been a hit for streaming service Disney Plus — episode 6 of the show, the final installment for this season, was reportedly watched by more households than any of the platform’s MCU finales to date. The series has been a popular source of fan conjecture and argument, with one particularly big rolling conversation focusing on whether the budding romantic relationship between trickster Asgardian Loki (Tom Hiddleston) and his alternate-universe counterpart Sylvie (Sophia Di Martino) is a form of incest.

Herron is willing to speak up about that one. “My interpretation of it is that they’re both Lokis, but they aren’t the same person,” she says. “I don’t see them as being like brother and sister. They have completely different backgrounds […] and I think that’s really important to her character. They sort of have the same role in terms of the universe and destiny, but they won’t make the same decisions.”

Herron says thematically, Loki falling for Sylvie is an exploration of “self-love,” but only in the sense that it’s Loki learning to understand his own motives and integrity. “[The show is] looking at the self and asking ‘What makes us us?’” Herron says. “I mean, look at all the Lokis across the show, they’re all completely different. I think there’s something beautiful about his romantic relationship with Sylvie, but they’re not interchangeable.”

Directing the final kiss between the two characters was a complicated process because it had to communicate something about each of them over the course of just a few seconds. Herron says the primary goal was creating a safe, comfortable environment for Hiddleston and Di Martino, and after that, she had to think about how to bring across Loki and Sylvie’s conflicting goals in that moment.

“It’s an interesting one, right?” she says. “Emotionally, from Sylvie’s perspective, I think it’s a goodbye. But it’s still a buildup of all these feelings. They’ve both grown through each other over the last few episodes. It was important to me that it didn’t feel like a trick, like she was deceiving him. She is obviously doing that, on one hand, but I don’t feel the kiss is any less genuine. I think she’s in a bad place, but her feelings are true.”

Herron says directing Hiddleston in the scene mostly came down to discussing the speech Loki gives Sylvie before the kiss. “That was really important, showing this new place for Loki,” Herron says. “In the first episode, he’s like, ‘I want the throne, I want to rule,’ and by episode 6, he isn’t focused on that selfish want. He just wants her to be okay.”

Loki writer and producer Eric Martin recently tweeted that he wished the show had been able to focus more time on two of its secondary characters, Owen Wilson’s Time Variance Authority agent Mobius M. Mobius, and Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s Ravonna Renslayer. “I wanted to explore her more deeply and really see their relationship,” he says, “But covid got in the way and we just didn’t have time.”

Asked if Loki and Sylvie’s relationship suffered from similar necessary edits, Herron says it’s true that the show’s creators and audience still don’t know everything Sylvie went through to make her so different from the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s original version of Loki. “We’ve seen her as a child, but she’s lived for thousands and thousands of years, in apocalypses on the run,” she says. “I think there’s so much more to delve into with Sylvie […] You’re filling in the blanks. You see [her on the planet] Lamentis, and it’s horrific. And you’re like, “Well, what kind of person would she be, growing up in apocalypses? What kind of personality would that give her?”

Herron says Sylvie’s backstory actually reminds her of the 1995 movie Jumanji, where a young boy is sucked into a magical board game in 1969, and emerges 26 years later as a full-grown man, played by with typical manic energy by Robin Williams. “It’s such a weird reference, but…” she says. “He’s a little boy when he ends up captive in that game, and when he comes out, it’s obviously been a life experience. With Sylvie, it’s similar. She was a child when she had to go on the run, so she’s had a very difficult life. I would love to see more of it. As Eric said, she’s a rich character, there’s so much to be explored.”

Herron says, though, that during her time on the show, material about Sylvie was added rather than cut — specifically, those scenes of her as a child, being kidnapped by the TVA. “This was before my time, but I know in the writers’ room, there were lots of avenues exploring Sylvie on the run and what her life was like,” Herron says. “I wouldn’t want to speak more to those, because I wasn’t there when they were being discussed. But something wasn’t in there that was important to me — I felt we should see her [history] in the TVA. Me and the team were talking about how it made complete sense, because episode 4 is all about twisting the idea that the TVA might be good on its head. And so that’s something that came in later, once I joined, was seeing her as a child. I think we needed to see that, not to understand her completely, but to get an idea of her motivations, why she’s so angry at this place.”

Talking more broadly about the series finale, Herron says the last few episodes weren’t as heavily referential as the first episodes, which she intended as “a love letter to sci-fi.” While early images like the TVA’s interrogation rooms had specific visual references from past science fiction, episode 6’s locations were drawn more from collaborations with the crew.

“The idea of the physical timeline being circular, our storyboard artists came up with that,” Herron says. “I had in the scripts, ‘We move through space to the end of time,” and then me and [storyboard artist Darrin Denlinger] discussed how we could play with the idea of time, while also adding MCU nods. He was like, ‘What if the timeline is circular?’ I think that’s such a striking image, like the Citadel at the End of Time is the needle on a record player. I just thought that was such a cool image, but it wasn’t necessarily taken from anything.”

Episode 6 focuses heavily on the mysterious figure He Who Remains and his citadel, a space she says was largely conceived by production designer Kasra Farahani. “I remember he brought in the art of the Citadel, and I thought it was beautiful,” Herron says. “He said, ‘The Citadel has been carved from an actual meteorite,’ which I thought was such an inspired idea. And He Who Remains’ office is the only finished portion of it.”

She says there are only a few direct homages in episode 6, including the zoom shot through space, which directly referenced a similar sequence in Robert Zemeckis’ 1997 film Contact.

“And then I have my Teletubbies reference for episode 5,” Herron says. “I wanted the Void to feel like an overgrown garden, like a kind of forgotten place. And I realized I’d pitched it as the British countryside. I remember trying to explain it to ILM, who did the visual effects, and saying, ‘Oh, you know, it’s like the Teletubbies. It’s just rolling hills, but they go on forever.’ That actually was quite a helpful reference in the end, which is funny.”

Asked for her favorite set memory from shooting the season, Herron says it comes down to Tom Hiddleston starting a mania for physical exertion before takes. “Sometimes he runs around set to get himself in the right mindset before he performs,” she says. “He does pushups. You know, you’re going into an action scene, you want to look like you’ve just been running. And it became infectious across all the cast. We’ve got so much footage of — I think Jack [Veal] ended up doing it, who plays Kid Loki. I’ve got [shots of] him and Sophia doing pushups and squats, just to get ready. It was so funny watching that echo across all the cast. I think all of them ended up doing those exercises with him at some point. It was so funny.”

“That might be my favorite set story, but it’s honestly, not a sweet one,” she adds. “I would say my favorite thing is his enthusiasm. He’s a very kind empathetic person. We were filming this in quite tough circumstances, a lot of people were far from home and isolating, and he brought this warmth and energy and joy to the set every day. And I think that made everyone feel very safe and very bonded. I’m forever grateful to him for doing that.”

[enduracarrotchips]

YouTuber AU

Hello welcome to Dating Scandal but with Twitter Involved (nightmare)

A little exposition here: 

Link, Zelda, Sidon, Revali, and Riju are the most popular group of youtubers on the internet and have a huge fanbase that likes to theorize, draw fanart, and write fanfiction about them. Disclaimer, I don’t actually interact with real-person fandoms myself lol there’s just too much potential for drama and misunderstandings & they’re always bound to end in a dumpster fire but that is sort of what this au is about so.

Impa, Mipha, Daruk, and Urbosa are family friends that appear in a lot of their videos/streams. 

(This is an art blog I swear)

enter vidcon 20XX

Link: 

blows stuff up/sets stuff on fire with a side of cooking vids and gaming

most are filmed outside, he does those challenges where you try to cook stuff with limited ingredients/materials

has the largest fanbase of all of them, but not the most…intimidating.

does a lot of collab videos, mostly with Impa, Daruk, and Riju because they have similar interests/channels, but Zelda appears in his videos and is seen filming and the stans read too far into it

simps. i’m pointing at you.

Most popular videos are “shield surfing on rock!—how I broke my leg” “can Daruk eat Impa’s motorcycle?” and “how to inhale ranch dressing.”

Twitter handle is @ arsonistslullabye because he’s a hozier fan

45m subs

Zelda:

theories, analyses, conspiracies, and the occasional e x p e r i m e n t

she once got link to eat a frog for 50 bucks.

most people argue that she’s better than more popular YouTubers because she actually has quality content to give to the world and she has a lot of defensive supporters

She used to get a lot of hate before Urbosa spoke up about it and scared the bejeezus out of everyone

has an actual posting schedule

“Happy Sunday everyone, it’s Zelda Hyrule and today we will be talking about cryptozoology and why blupees exist, you cowards.”

Twitter handle is @ zeldaofhyrule and she is pan. just so you know. One of those calm extroverts that mystify me to this day.

18m subs

Sidon:

fashion/life hacks. Like gourmet troom troom but if they were real people.

Has the 2nd largest fanbase

most of them are girls

Sidon has a boyfriend though, which he told everyone at VidCon a few years ago

cue the drama and shipping and the entire fandom trying to figure out who the boyfriend is. A well known reddit thread emerged that presented the common guesses being Link, Sidon, and Zelda.

“But it can’t be Zelda, Sidon’s gay.”

“I’m not in the fandom but I thought Zelda was a boy??”

“Did you just say Sidon? Is that a typo? Are you saying that Sidon’s dating himself?”

Sidon x Sidon became a fandom joke.

Don’t look at me I’m just setting up all the worldbuilding. every fandom has their weird dark sides and Sidon x Sidon is the Linkcest of the Sidon YT fandom.

Mystery BF is actually Bazz, a pretty inconspicuous guy who appeared in a few of his videos. This was confirmed a year ago, but everyone still ships him with other YouTubers because they’re convinced he was lying to throw them off his scent. He really can’t catch a break and this is why you should not ship real people.

Twitter handle is @ officialprincesidon

says “beguiling” a lot

21m subs ᕙ( ͡❛ ▿ ͡❛)ᕗ

Mipha:

Sidon’s sister, hasn’t posted a single video but just has the channel for show because she appears in so many of Sidon’s videos as a model for his makeup tutorials and whatnot

has 328k for that. Everyone loves her, she’s great. @ mimipha

Revali:

Link’s sworn rival

Link thinks they’re friends

He kept popping up in link’s Twitter threads and making snarky comments until zelda called him out for not even following link (so why was he stalking his acc) which kept the Twitter drama to a minimum

Revali was the catalyst of a few popular memes and that’s where most of his subs come from.

drags link into a few challenges that always get a ton of views because of how competitive they get

“ITS JUST ASININE” is a running joke that everyone tries to get him to say. His @ is itsjustasinine as well

Urbosa is the only person who can win an argument with him

5m subs and growing rapidly. newer to youtube than everyone else.

Impa:

Doesn’t have a channel she’s just a mutual friend of Mipha, Zelda, and Link

Rides a motorcycle, so she is used in a few of Link’s videos.

@ ihaveamotorcycle because she thinks having a motorcycle is a personality trait. the most unruly on Twitter when it comes to replying to fan’s stuff, leaking upcoming videos and generally causing chaos.

Mipha’s girlfriend. That’s how she met Zelda and Link.

Urbosa:

Is actually a model, but she has a ton of YouTuber friends because she’s known Zelda since birth.

when she entered the youtube community she didn’t realize she would be adopting like 15 children

5m subs. her videos are professional & related to her modelling career. @ urbosasfury

I feel like she would do unboxing vids. I’m not sure what she’s unboxing.

Daruk

Just a friend of Link’s, fun guy. yells a lot. once ate a rock and had no reaction.

people are scared of him for that reason

Riju:

yoga & gymnastics & “ha look at how flexible I am its eAsY” videos

you know the type

she also does reactions and is sponsored by save the sand seals charities which she is very enthusiastic about. She’s also Urbosa’s niece and the only minor in the gang (15). I like to think that the champions YT community is actually not creepy so everyone respects her a ton

doesn’t post frequently, she mostly appears in Link’s videos to jump out of airplanes or whatever. And sometimes Zelda’s if she’s interested in the topic. 500k subs, but she’s always really popular when she appears in Link’s videos.

VidCon:

In the months leading up to VidCon, some fans on the internet made a few discoveries: first of all, that the inside of Link’s house is painted green. This is a big deal because all of his videos are filmed outside either in his backyard or on trips that he and the brosquad go on to do…whatever bros do. explosions. idk. The point is he had some announcement about VidCon and filmed it inside. Only the wall and a potted plant were shown.

However, the colour was similar to the the shade of Zelda’s living room. Fans dug through years and years of old videos and found a clip of Zelda walking through a hallway, where there was an open door and a glimpse of a houseplant.

There were 2 types of responses to the theory:

“They could just be roommates guys calm down”

“and they were ROOMMATES?”

others pointed out that Link could just not have a house and had to crash in Zelda’s

Some guy on reddit claimed he had a botany degree and declared that the houseplants in the clips were not of the same genus. Normal people pointed out that the plant would have grown 4 years between the clips and would look considerably different.

#Zelink trended on twitter for a while and people posted other old clips from both of their channels and the frog video blew up again

Impa retweeted a post tagged as #zelink with “rofl” and later publicly apologized for causing confusion.

Fans noticed that in the “can a motorcycle drive over my arm” (it was clickbait he’s fine) episode 2 years ago, Link was eating out of a paper lunch bag with his name written on it in handwriting that a few people claimed to look like Zelda’s, leading people to believe that she had packed him a lunch.

However, this theory was shot down with the counterargument that Zelda can’t cook. although. i mean how much skill do you need to make a sandwich.

No one knows what tumblr is doing at this time

Zelda wore a scarf in her “Save the Sand Seals” video that matched identically to the scarf Link wore when he travelled to Hebra to film a shield surfing video, but it’s been debated wether it’s actually the same scarf or not.

Neither Zelda nor Link has spoken up about the theories, and besides Impa’s one slip on twitter, neither has any of their friends. Zelda received a lot of backlash for the assumption that she was dating Link because he has a lot of delusional fans that didn’t want her to “steal their man” or whatever the hell that type of fan would get mad about

Oh yea and bolson & karson run a zelink fanpage on twitter sorry I forgot about that

after that whole mess, everyone was even more anticipant of VidCon in the hopes that some of their questions would be answered.

The whole batch went to VidCon this year: Link, Impa, Daruk, and Riju are a gang while Sidon and Mipha go together and Zelda & Revali each go separately. Urbosa is there for supervision moral support

Zelda has always been much better at dodging questions that she doesn’t want to answer than anyone else, so her Q&A went without a hitch. When asked to confirm the rumours she said “which one?” and then moved on to the next question (without actually confirming any rumours).

Link is generally a more awkward person but eventually said that he had filmed the video in Zelda’s house because it was nicer and didn’t realize it would cause such an uproar. Fans were disappointed, but Bolson claimed he saw Link and Zelda exiting the hotel elevator on the same floor after Link’s Q&A session. No one believed him.

Fans went back to theorizing over who Link, Zelda, and Sidon were all dating, because apparently they can’t just be dating unknown people and have to be with other YouTubers

Sidon and Bazz got engaged about a week after VidCon, making at least 4 preteen girls cry

actually try 4 million

Sidon x Sidon made a brief comeback but Sidon spoke up about his fandom for the first time ever on twitter and told everyone that no, he was not dating himself. eventually, everyone settled down and accepted that none of them were in a relationship save for a few loud fans.

Link and Zelda still got the occasional “when will you tell us who you’re dating?” comment but most of them were joking and the people who still hardcore shipped them were generally frowned upon. Zelda’s popularity went up after VidCon and she regained the 200k subscribers she’d lost after the first theory dropped.

Two months after VidCon, Link posted a video titled “Zelda and I’s House Tour!” and gave around 45 million people a heart attack

as revealed in the video, they had actually been dating since they were 16 and everyone’s just a fool.

the potted plant is named Hestu.

[riddlecrux]

The quiet power of emotions - a study of Azriel's feelings (part one)

I would love to preface this meta with my favorite disclaimer that everything I will discuss is based on what I have gathered from SJM writing. The quotes used in this post will serve as a starting point for further analysis. Additionally, I will use symbolism, metaphors, and literary device methods to build up my reasoning and beliefs. On another note, this, as usual, is strictly pro-Elriel meta. If they are not your cup of tea and you wish to comment, please be civil and bring arguments supported by the text.

I've wanted to study Azriel’s behavior in ACOFAS, since it's an official novella and it was translated and published in many countries. Since it has come to my attention that some people say that without Azriel's POV, Elriel wouldn't have anything to be based on (which is totally wrong) I decided to tackle Azriel's behavior and show how he had exhibited his feelings for Elain even before ACOSF came out. The scene I would like to start with this series (meta series if I may call it that way) is the one where Rhys and Azriel talk about Illyria, Jurian, and Vassa. Rhys constantly observes Azriel, and he decides to drop this.

“Send Lucien, then. As our human emissary.” I studied the tenseness in Azriel’s shoulders, the shadows veiling half of him from the sunlight. “Lucien is away right now.”

We can see that Azriel is uncomfortable. He's tense and he even shields himself from Rhys' prying gaze. It's all because Lucien was mentioned - which is a bit telling at this point.

Az’s brows rose. “Where?” I winked at him. “You’re my spymaster. Shouldn’t you know?”

Rhys is kind of testing the waters as well, you can say he's railing up Azriel to bring some reaction. However, the question is why would he? What is the reason behind this behavior? It came out of nowhere in the novella, so it's even more surprising to us to reflect upon it, taking into account what transpired in the bonus POV in ACOSF.

Az crossed his arms, face as elegant and cold as the legendary dagger at his side. “I don’t make a point of looking after his movements.” “Why?” Not a flicker of emotion. “He is Elain’s mate.”

I highlighted Azriel's body language because it's very important. Here we have the notion of crossing arms, which can mean that someone is anxious, resistant, tense, insecure, afraid, or defensive. As we can pinpoint some of these emotions are present in this particular scene - Azriel definitely shields himself up, not only by physically crossing arms but also in the indignation of his expressionless face. The fascinating thing is the addition of the comparison between Azriel's cold face and his legendary dagger - which only further solidifies that Truth Teller is in fact a big part of Shadowsinger. Summarizing up with what we got from these passages we have: - tenseness - obstructing oneself from the view - defensive stance - crossing arms - coldness - emotionless

I waited. “It would be an invasion of her privacy to track him.” To know when and if Lucien sought her out. What they did together.

Here comes my favorite part in this conversation - Rhys seeing himself in Azriel at that moment and Azriel keeping in mind Elain's privacy and agency. Some people try to paint Azriel as some sort of a toxic guy, who is so traumatized that he doesn't value anyone but himself. I'm wondering where this reasoning came from - since nothing exclusively supports that theory. It's clear that Azriel shows respect towards Elain, as stated above in the quotes - even if at this moment, he is clearly showing signs of jealousy. Which, once again is totally fine. All bat boys showed jealousy throughout the books, and every one of them loved their significant other with all their flaws and weaknesses. But going back to the quote, we are met with the assumption about Azriel's decision of not spying on Lucien - given by Rhysand. Nevertheless, something must have had triggered such response to Azriel's behavior and his stance - that's why I strongly believe that Rhys knew what Azriel felt like (in ACOFAS he's testing the waters, trying to see if his assumptions are right or wrong, in ACOSF he pulls a rank because of the consequences of the possible outcome with Lucien being so close.)

“You sure about that?” I asked quietly. Azriel’s Siphons guttered, the stones turning as dark and foreboding as the deepest sea. “Where did Lucien go.”

Rhys noticed and understood that his assumptions about Azriel's feelings and emotions are correct, that's why his tone changed. He is constantly observing and giving us very detailed descriptions of the changes undergoing in Azriel's persona while discussing Lucien (and inwardly Elain.) Now, let's look at the metaphor used to underline his emotions in relation to his Siphons. Azriel’s Siphons guttered, the stones turning as dark and foreboding as the deepest sea. - gutter - flicker and burn unsteadily - foreboding - a feeling that something bad will happen; fearful apprehension

SJM used these words in such a situation - a whole sentence that indicates turmoil that is happening inside Azriel. Behind his aloof expression, we got to know that his emotions are restless, that what he is experiencing is sound and present at this moment. We see that by the description of his Siphons - turning dark at the mention of Lucien's possible whereabouts. We don't necessarily know what Azriel thought - if it was apprehension connected to the possibility of Lucien being in the same house, near Elain, or even somewhere where Azriel wouldn't have expected him to be. Judging by the course of the conversation, I would be inclined to believe that it was thought of Lucien being close to Elain.

I straightened at the pure order in the words. But I said, voice slipping into a drawl, “He went to the Spring Court. He’ll be there for Solstice.”

As we are in Rhys POV we can see that he has been caught off guard by the way Azriel delivers his line, yet he masks it with a drawl. Was it because something that Rhys suspected came true? As in, for example, some validation about Azriel and Elain's relationship? We can guess, however, the text clearly states that Rhys was somehow surprised by the tone of his friend. The pure order is what initially made me reread ACOFAS and this scene few times since it carries a heavy chunk of foreshadowing, but also the weight of Azriel's emotions.

Azriel doesn't let anything on his face, which is almost devoid of emotions while talking to Rhys about Lucien - yet, we get so many descriptions about the way his tone changes, his body language, his Siphons, and gaze. Even if he doesn't show externally that he is feeling all those emotions, that doesn't mean that he lacks them. Because, clearly what we have in the text, suggests that Azriel exhibits symptoms of jealousy. This is completely understandable since in the books we get to know that he and Elain have already started getting to know each other off the pages. Another interesting thing is, how structured and written this scene is. We have an insight into Rhysand's thoughts and he is thinking about Feyre and Tamlin.

With Tamlin, it was more complicated than that. More complicated than I let myself usually dwell on. He was still in love with Feyre. I couldn’t blame him for it. Even if it made me want to rip out his throat. I shoved the thought away.

Rhysand acknowledges the fact that the whole thing with Tamlin is complicated, as he repeats in his mind - the situation was something that literally destroyed one of the Courts. It's also peculiar and worth noticing that Rhys is aware of the love Tamlin has for Feyre, and even if he knows that, he is ready to kill Tamlin.

In the contrast, the talk is about Azriel, Lucien, and... Elain. Another triangle that is, in fact, complicated.

“I’ll discuss Vassa and Jurian with Lucien when he returns. See if he’s up for another visit.” I angled my head. “Do you think he can handle being around Graysen?” Az’s expressionless face was precisely the reason he’d never lost to us at cards. “Why should I be the judge of that?”

Rhys asks about Lucien and how Azriel sees him behaving around Graysen, which in my opinion is another instance of testing Spymaster. I angled my head, which is what Rhysand does and synonym to angle is tilt. Once again we are going to look at what does body language says about it. It can indicate curiosity, suspicion, and in some cases even uncertainty. In this particular moment, I believe it's curiosity mixed with suspicion - Rhys has been observing Azriel the moment he changed the subject of the conversation to Lucien. We also have another description of Azriel's expressionless face - showing us, readers, that Rhys notes the changes in his behavior. Azriel even proceeds with questioning his friend about the purpose of that inquiry and how he of all people is the one who is capable of being a judge in this case. I think we can see it as some sort of dodging, stalling even.

“You mean to tell me that you weren’t bluffing when you said you didn’t track Lucien’s every movement?” Nothing. Absolutely nothing on that face, on his scent. The shadows, whatever the hell they were, hid too well. Too much. Azriel only said coldly, “If Lucien kills Graysen, then good riddance.”

Even if Azriel is described as expressionless and almost emotionless in this scene, we do see the moments when his feelings came up to the surface. Just like here, Azriel bottles down his anger and other emotions, letting out only his coldness. However, the question is why? Why so much iciness and apprehension? If the conversation and subjects of it weren't important to him, he would have probably behaved as usual - with his aloofness, but not necessarily hostility hid behind the frostiness. What's even more notable is the fact that Rhys comments about how his shadows hid his emotions/feelings, even on his scent. Azriel did it on purpose, he covered himself so he wouldn't be detected - or better to say to cover up his true emotions that Rhysand could have easily spotted. The biggest tell about it is the addition of "too much". If there wasn't anything to hide or the emotions under the cover were vain or small - Rhysand wouldn't have had added that thought.

No. Sort of. “I’d think bankrolling her apartment and drinking was gift enough.” Az ran a hand through his dark hair. “Are we …” Unusual for him to stumble with words. “Are we supposed to get the sisters presents?”

The conversation changes its topic - and Rhys starts to discuss sisters and presents. We see that Azriel's first reaction is rooted in body language. He is running his hand through his hair which suggests nervousness, frustration, stress, or even a sign of disagreement over whatever is being said. From all these things I think we can lean towards nervousness the most or even frustration - since just before that leap of the topic he was immersed deep down inside his feelings and tried to mask his true emotions about Lucien and Elain. Another thing is that Rhysand also notices that it's unusual for Azriel to stutter, stumble with his words which he does after he runs his hand through his hair. He's nervous.

“No,” I said, and meant it. Az seemed to loose a sigh of relief. Seemed to, since all but a breath of air passed from his lips. “I don’t think Nesta gives a shit, and I don’t think Elain expects to receive anything from us. I’d leave the sisters to exchange presents amongst themselves.” Az nodded distantly.

Rhysand doesn't even know if he can call Azriel's sigh a sigh since it seems that all it was, was just a short exhale. I do think that it was a sigh - of relief. However, we can speculate about what the relief is connected to. If it is for not buying gifts or maybe because the conversation steered in another direction and all these pent-up emotions, feelings, and even frustrations could finally be released? What's clear is that Azriel feels a lot, in this scene particularly. He is hiding it behind his shadows, obstructing it from Rhys, but also from the reader's point of view. Nevertheless, SJM used an enormous chunk of body language to show us what Azriel is feeling - jealousy. Another thing is that he seemed to think about what's being said about sisters and their gifts - because he was described to be nodding distantly.

Az nodded knowingly. He’d always understood me best—more than the others. Save my mate. Whether it was his gifts that allowed him to do so, or merely the fact that he and I were more similar than most realized, I’d never learned.

I love this quote and that it comes from Rhysand's POV as well. It shows that Rhysand knew and his suspicions were, in fact, correct - because he probably saw himself and his infatuation with Feyre in the way Azriel behaved with Elain. I do also think that it will come back in the next book - the bond between Azriel and Rhysand, and probably some of the small fallout because of what had happened with them in Azriel's POV. SJM put Lucien, Elain, and Azriel in here, while Rhysand thought about his situation with Feyre and Tamlin. Two triangles, two different, complicated outcomes, and relationships. Forbidden romance? Yes. Politically connected? Yes. Could start a war? Yes. There are so many similarities between them.

The thing with Azriel is that his feelings aren't over the top - he's not vocal about them. The power of his emotions lies in the quietness and his actions. If we sat back and looked at scenes in which he acts towards Mor or Elain, we can see that his strength in loving someone isn't connected to words, but rather than that - presence and behavior.

[tracybirds]

It’s not 2am I refuse to accept that lol.... what started with me projecting onto Brains because I am very anti-vacuum cleaner and loud sudden noises, morphed into listen to me Brains and Jeff are FRIENDS, they’re BEST FRIENDS, he asked him to live on the ISLAND with his family (Brains is family)

So this is Brains having a problem with loud noises and Jeff helping him out

---------------------------

Brains shut the door firmly. He spent so much time in the depths of the volcano, underneath nearly three hundred metres of solid basalt, that he’d forgotten how loud the Tracy family really was. Forgotten their penchant for sudden bangs and explosive arguments when the mood took them.

He’d known them for years, first met Jeff and Lucille back before even Gordon was born. Without noticing, somehow his invitations to dinner and birthday parties grew and grew until he found himself folded into the line up as naturally as any other member. He might have once been surprised to find a place made for him on Tracy Island, his own opinions sought after and his wants and desires for his own space taken as seriously as anyone else’s, but upon reflection the transition had been the most seamless in his life.

He couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

But right now, between shaking hands and chattering teeth, he’d rather be anywhere but here.

His study was a place rarely frequented. He much preferred the cavernous space of his workshop, where he could jump between theory and practice and the only sound was that of muttered calculations echoed back to him with his own voice. But with Jeff back (and wasn’t he thrilled to be working with his old friend again), dreaming up new ideas for the dozen, it only made sense to temporarily relocate back to the room next door.

He winced as a chair scraped overhead again. Indistinct conversation filtered down and he glanced over to check the windows were shut fast. How Jeff was working, totally oblivious, as beyond him. Every sound tore into Brains’ skin.

He rummaged through the drawers, searching for the headphones that would provide even a moment of relief.

Above him, the floor creaked ominously and he could hear Virgil and Gordon’s scattered laughter.

The villa suddenly seemed very small.

A gentle whirring grabbed his attention, and Brains looked up to see MAX in front of him, headphones in his grip.

“Thank you, mm-MAX,” he said with a tight smile and lowered them over his ears.

He could hear his echoing heartbeat, beating wildly and amplified by the full coverage of his ears, and he grimaced at the sound.

But a choice between the unexpected screeches from above and the steady sound of living was no contest.

Brains steadied his breath and stared blankly at the blueprints he was working on. He could hardly remember what they were for. Some kind of energy dampener?

He placed his glasses down on the desk and rubbed at his eyes. The thumping was only getting louder and faster and the headphones themselves were becoming a problem – the synthetic cushioning sticky and hot against his skin.

He could still hear the boys above.

His fingers fumbled with software, searching for something tolerable to drown out the sound. Music burst through to his eardrums and instinctively he ripped their source away, and the sounds of Tracy villa fell in on him at full force.

Gritted teeth, eyes squeezed tight, hands drilling his ears into his skull as though they could be removed, and all because of noise that couldn’t be helped and that he couldn’t ask to be stopped.

Not fair, he thought, not fair to them and certainly not fair to him.

***

Brains’ door was shut. That pulled Jeff up short, his hand hovering over the door knob as he frowned at it as though it had closed itself of its own accord. Brains’ door was never shut.

Jeff could still remember the gentle welcome he’d given his sons when they first met, answering all their questions about his lab and what exactly his job was. How he’d taken one look at Jeff, overwhelmed with the care of only three children while his pregnant wife rushed home to care for her dying mother and invited him and his overly-excited children home for tea. Even back in Tracy Industries, Jeff had been given unrestricted access to Brains’ office and he liked to think it wasn’t simply because Brains couldn’t say no to his boss.

He knew very well how incorrect that statement was.

Jeff reached out and knocked on the door.

There was no reply.

Faintly, Jeff could hear the faint beeps of MAX inside and that only puzzled him more. MAX never seemed to leave Brains’ side in one form or another, but neither did he sound distressed. He thought. Jeff was still learning how to tell the moods of a robot apart.

Another loud whoop echoed down the stairs and he glanced up, partially amused but mostly exasperated. With some time off, Scott and Gordon had taken it upon themselves to teach Alan poker and if there was anything that Scott and Gordon knew how to do quietly – well, it wasn’t poker.

From the sounds of things, Alan had hit a streak of beginner’s luck and Scott, still swearing above him, was on the losing end.

He laughed to himself and lightly pushed open the door, poking his head to try and spot his friend.

His smile dropped almost instantly.

“Brains? Are you alright?”

A redundant question, immediately answered without a word as Jeff took in the clenched jaw and involuntary gasps for air.

“Okay, okay,” he muttered to himself, reluctant to startle Brains further or make whatever this was worse by touching him. Because this was surely something new. Or something hidden and private that he had no intention of revealing to the rest of his raucous family.

A chair fell with a loud bang above them and Jeff jumped. Brains seemed to curl even further in on himself and as the squabbling grew louder and louder above them, Jeff realised what the problem was.

“Brains, I’ll be right back,” he promised, before striding upstairs, worry turning what had been exasperation into real anger.

“Boys,” he growled, his voice cutting through the argument. Three startled pairs of eyes met his, and Jeff tried to cool the white-hot fury into mere annoyance.

“Outside. Or your rooms, I don’t care which.”

Gordon scoffed at him.

“You can’t send us to our rooms.”

Jeff whirled on him, the fire stoked in his glare.

“On second thoughts,” said Gordon cheerfully, tugging Alan in front of him. “I was just gonna go for a swim. What do you say, Alan?”

Jeff watched the two race away and turned to face Scott, his arms crossed and scowling openly.

“What was that for?” he demanded. “We were just playing cards, what’s the big idea?”

“You’re just being too damn loud,” Jeff said with a grunt, turning towards the stairwell.

Then again, he reflected, it wasn’t entirely their fault. Clearly, whatever was going on downstairs wasn’t something they’d known to be aware of.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” muttered Scott. “If you say so.”

Jeff ignored him, already halfway down the stairs with his main objective cleared.

He slipped back into the room, pleased to see Brains’ breathing was much less erratic.

“Brains?”

“Mmm, y-yes Jeff?”

He stepped forward and laid a hesitant hand on Brains’ shoulder.

“You’re still shaking,” he said quietly. “What was that?”

“Nn-nothing.”

Jeff snorted.

“At least look me in the eye when you lie to me, Brains. Come on, I know you better than that.”

Brains pursed his lips together, still avoiding Jeff’s gaze, and it suddenly struck Jeff that his friend might not want to tell him about his problems.

Eight years was a long gap in friendship.

“It’s okay,” he said at last, as the silence stretched out into uncomfortable awkwardness. “You really don’t have to say. I’ve just never seen you like that before.”

“Yes, you have.”

Jeff looked at him in surprise, unsure of the conviction in Brains’ eyes.

“Then I don’t remember,” he admitted slowly, casting his mind over fragile, faded memory.

“Help m-me over to that sss-sofa.”

Jeff followed his directions without protest, still watching him carefully until Brains was lying down on the sofa with a sigh.

He reached out and handed over the blue frames instinctively and pulled up a chair as Brains peered at him through them.

“Adrenaline crash,” he said, by way of explanation and gesturing at himself. Sss-sorry Jeff, it g-got a little out of hand.”

“What is ‘it’?”

Brains waved a dismissive hand.

“I hope you didn’t g-go up and yell at the b-boys,” he said. “It’s really not their ff-fault. I just have a hard time with too mm, m-much noise, or the wrongs kinds nowadays.”

“Why?” asked Jeff, trying not to feel too guilty over having done just that.

Brains smiled tiredly.

“T-t-turns out, it’s really rather traumatising to watch your ff-friend explode on a live-feed in f-front of you.”

Chills raced over Jeff’s skin, all seeming to find entry into his heart. His breath caught in his throat and he found it was his turn to be bent over with his friend’s guiding hand on his back.

“Sorry,” he gasped. “Worse for you than it was for me.”

“Yes, you’re right Jeff,” said Brains drily. “There are no lasting effects from the mm-moment that ripped your f-family from you and f-forced you to survive in the m-most hostile environment with no hope of return. Mm-my m-mistake.”

Jeff laughed weakly.

“You got me there,” he admitted, rubbing his chest to try ease some of the tension. “But at least we’re not alone on this one. I’ll tell the boys to check neither of us are working before they play anymore poker.”

“And next time, they could ask us to join,” said Brains with a grin. “I don’t think they know what a g-good team we m-made.”

“Good cheats, you mean.”

“Well, of course, what’s the difference?”

Jeff laughed, thumping on his shoulder.

“Get some rest, Brains. Strategise later.”

[btsandvmin]

Ask: Reply - 2021.04.16

Time to answer some more of your questions. I have a lot this time, and still a lot left I’ll have to save to another post. You are all very good at being curious and asking interesting questions. There are also some asks that are replies to old asks, and then I’ll include the link to the referenced post.

This time the topics will be:

Ask 1 - About KTH1 and expectations Ask 2 - KTH1 spoiler with “Oh lady” Ask 3 - Vminies getting superiority complex Ask 4 - Not dismissing the bond between Vmin and the other boys Ask 5 - Other people’s words can influence your thoughts Ask 6 - Vmin not sharing rooms in Bon Voyage Malta Ask 7 - Has being a Vmin shipper always been so overwhelming with all the content? Ask 8 - “Just a friend” interview Ask 9 - The garnet necklace Ask 10 - Vmin in CMs Ask 11 - Taehyung uncomfortable about shipping/tae*kook? Ask 12 - What did Jimin write on his shirt in Run ep. 53? Ask 13 - Gina Maeng ask follow up Ask 14 - Vmin’s love is beautiful (and so much nice praise omg)

Today’s post is a long one... Enjoy!

Ask 1 - About KTH1 and expectations

Ok, so I did write a shit post about this... (I mean… This is literally all Vmin’s songs so far ), but I still think your questions are worth a proper answer.

Honestly I think speculating about KTH1 is kind of hard, and as seen in the shit post I am quite torn with my expectations... In general I am the type who doesn’t like to expect too much in fear of being disappointed. I rather be pleasantly surprised. That being said Vmin does have a track record of getting involved in each other’s songs. I mean a lot is just speculation of course, but we do have confirmed cases as well, enough to not be too surprised if they would keep it up and do something for Tae’s solo album as well. (Tae saying his mixtape would be named Jimin back in 2016 still haunts me.)

On the other hand, they have already given us a lot of collabs. Adding more would feel more like a statement, at least if it would be only Jimin out of the members on that album. The thing is that if Vmin would have something “real” or at least if they are a bit careful with how they come across... I am not sure they would do something too “obvious”. But where such a line would be drawn is impossible to know. I mean clearly they managed to write and sing Friends and it worked fine, even if they did get more attention as a ship.

We also know Tae has been quite loud about Jimin in ways that single him out, so maybe they would really dare push the boundaries as far as actually including Jimin in the album somehow. It’s also very possible there could be other members, and honestly we probably shouldn’t hyper focus too much on it and that it has to mean something no matter if anyone is on it or not.

I think one of the rappers being on it is probably more likely out of the members, but it seems Tae has shown an interest in collabs with people outside of BTS, so that’s kind of what I am expecting the most. No matter who in the group is on it I am sure fans will make a big deal out of it, and maybe Tae would rather have his own thing for his first album. I really don’t know how his thoughts would go.

But again, looking at how Tae and Jimin has talked about working together, and have had moments like Tae promising Jimin a song or Tae saying they will work together again... It’s definitely not impossible to get another Vmin song. I do feel it’s more likely for any connections to be vague and not instantly noticeable though (at least not anything romantic looking because we know what happened to the Christmas song). Especially considering how they have only recently revealed things like 4 clock’s inspiration more openly and had Friends followed by Sweet Night. My main stance for any possible real ship is still that they have reason to be careful, and yet another Vmin collab, on Taehyung’s first personal album would probably raise some eyebrows considering everything else we already have. But it could also be me over analyzing them, and maybe they just really like and want to work together. Tae for sure has after all been vocal about this preference and want to work with Jimin.

So yeah, on one hand they have a track record that is hard to ignore... But on the other I wonder if they might want to add another “point” for ARMY to look at them and their songs. I also don’t want to assume that if there are songs on there that sound romantic that they automatically will be about Jimin. There will have to be legit possible connections for me to acknowledge them.

It’s tricky. I guess we will have to wait and see. I am kind of scared both that there won’t be anything or that there will be SOMETHING. Thank you for the ask, and I hope I shed some light on my thoughts on this subject. Either way I am very excited and looking forward to an album full of Taehyung’s own songs and the stories he wants to tell.

Ask 2 - KTH1 spoiler with “Oh lady”

I am not sure it is “lady”, since it’s a bit unclear in general. He also has a part that just seems to go “do be do” and I don’t know if the lyrics are even finished or if he worked with someone else etc. We basically lack a lot of information. But even so using lady/her/she etc. in a song doesn’t have to mean it is about a specific person or that the person is a she or that it is Taehyung’s own feelings (I know he said he usually sings about things he have felt, but just saying it doesn’t always have to be). 

Of course I don’t want to downplay it and say it doesn’t mean anything, but considering their fanbase is majority women, they live in a homophobic country and he has even been denied to sing a romantic song with a man before, it’s not impossible to add that to make it more “relatable” or less “gay”. God, that sounds terrible. I don’t want to start discussions where we don’t take their words for what they are, so I hope you might understand my point of view. That being said of course it could just as easily be to or about a specific woman in his life that we don’t know about. Or as you say, he isn’t actually in love but is simply writing love songs that could be inspired by non-romantic relationships or movies etc. as was the case for his inspiration for Winter Bear.

Tae also used “she” in Winter Bear, and that seems a bit forgotten. Or people try to say it has to be about his grandmother... Which we obviously don’t know, it’s just the woman people jump to since he used “she” and many people don’t like the idea of him dating a woman or writing about a woman we don’t know. Either way I think we need to remember that anything is possible and we don’t know them personally and how they think or why they choose to do what they do.

I think we need to remember that there is always going to be the possibility that ships aren’t real, that the romantic songs aren’t about Jimin and that either one of them could be in a relationship with someone else (all genders included).

Ask 3 - Vminies getting superiority complex

Hello! I want to address something that has been bothering me for a while now. I have been seeing some vminnies have a superiority complex just bcoz they ship vmin. Its very rampant among new vminnies and twt vminnies. I get that we all feel validated and happy when out OTP claim to be soulmates and bff. I feel that way too. But people have to remember that vmin are real people and their relationship is dynamic. Like they did grow from bff who used to tease e/o and fight alot to soulmates who are gentle and caring. Who is to say that one day they wont drift apart (i hope not and dont think thats gonna happen but for argument sake) so there is no reason to feel superior or look down on other shippers. 

If people think vminnies are superior bcoz they are not toxic they probably know they are lying. Lbr i have seen my share of toxic vminnies though may be a lesser number but they are there and its not the ship but its that particular person who is at fault. While i agree that some ship theories cultivate hate and toxicity there may be people among those ships who are just as sane and good as we claim to be. I just wanted to address this bcoz seeing some vminnies on twt saying locals thinking vmin were tgt after coway add is a validation kind of triggered me. I m sure there would have been similar responses to any other ship bcoz they all have been tgt for a decade and are very comfortable with e/o. I just wanted to talk to someone about this and i know you have discussed similar topics in the past. So yeah this was very long.

First of all, on request I won’t show your name, but thank you for sending me this and letting me know who you are. It’s always nice to know who is behind the question. But that being said I don’t mind people asking on anon, I totally get it being a lot easier to ask or question things when you don’t have to reveal yourself. Either way I am just glad to get interesting and important topics and I do think the things you bring up are worth talking about.

As you say, there is this thing when people start to feel and act superior for various reasons, and I too have seen some Vminies do this. Getting a lot of moments is sure nice. But honestly, just imagine if another ship came and mocked Vmin or gloated every time they got more moments. It has surely happened too, and I am sure it doesn’t feel very nice when on the negative end. Just be a decent human, ship moments will always vary and it’s great to be happy about getting moments, but there is no need to compare or look down on other ships. I say it again, shipping is not a competition, just enjoy your own ship and let others enjoy theirs.

As for feelings superior based on group behavior I think we really need to stop looking at groups and start looking at individuals, both when it comes to groups we are part of and groups we consider “bad”. I have said it many times, but individuals of other groups we don’t agree with won’t all be bad, or all stupid or young etc. We might want to tell ourselves they are worse, but it really doesn’t change much. 

Being “less bad” it not a merit and it shouldn’t be a competition. We all have our own selves to answer to and we should judge other people based on their actions and not based on what group they might belong to.

I think size and the toxicity of a narrative can lead to more people in certain groups behaving in toxic ways... But I think any person could happen to fall into these behaviors if not careful and aware. Often the change is gradual too, or you feel attacked by the other “rival group” and thus feel it’s justified to attack back, and so it escalates.

Vminies are at the moment as a group smaller, and thus have less “bad apples”. We likely also have a narrative for Vmin that doesn’t require as toxic mindsets, for example extreme jealousy or Vmin being forced to hide. But there for sure are still toxic Vminies, and there are also a lot of non-toxic shippers in all groups. Usually the louder ones are also the worst ones while the chill and nice will remain in their own lane and ship more peacefully. But being part of a smaller group doesn’t make you superior, your actions is what is important.

As for small moments getting noticed or other types of “validation” for your ship, of course it’s going to feel nice. However, what people see and think of any relationship in BTS is still just an outsider view and literally has no meaning for their actual relationship beyond it being a cute moment. That’s why size and popularity also doesn’t matter as any kind of “proof”. Interpretation will always just be interpretation, good or bad, if you like it or not.

Sadly I think we will get more and more toxic behavior from more ships as the fandom grows and as some things get more normalized within those ships’ communities. It’s about certain behaviors growing into a community culture... The more toxicity that is allowed the more others will follow. That’s why bringing up the problems is important, but trying to do so without shunning people so that they don’t go and create their own space where everyone else is the enemy. After all, being open and welcoming and understanding is much more likely to make someone listen and even change their mind than by attacking them.

I answer for my own actions. So does every person. I don’t want to be judged for everything every Vminie or ARMY or Multi K-pop fan etc. has done. Generalization is a huge problem in general, not just in fandoms or ship wars. I do try to be a positive influence, to not judge too harshly and to remember that being hostile won’t help any situation. But that’s about it. I am glad you brought up this topic, because talking about it is important, but sadly I don’t think there is a lot that can be done about it. Just try to be nice and open minded.

Thank you for the ask, I hope you all understood what I wanted to say.

Ask 4 - Not dismissing the bond between Vmin and the other boys

Thank you. I really see no need for it. It’s clear as day that they all love each other, and even if one pair would happen to be romantic instead of platonic that won’t change. We don’t have to compare and we definitely don’t have to downplay the moments they share with each other. All shippers should at the very least accept the the things they do and say as mostly genuine. I trust BTS and what they show us, it’s that easy.

I know some also get influenced by toxic fans, but we really need to remember that no narratives by fans matter when it comes to reality and what bonds BTS share with each other. They are all great people and seem to have such love and respect for each other I frankly don’t understand how you can be a fan if you think any of it is played up to the point some claim.

Likely no ship in BTS is real, but if any is, to me I am sure the ones involved would be happy and supported by the rest of the members. That’s why it doesn’t really matter what ship would be real or not real as long as they are happy. We shouldn’t let our own views and sometimes want or hopes affect the way be judge their reality. This applies for things outside shipping as well.

Thank you for your kind words. :)

Ask 5 - Other people’s words can influence your thoughts

Indeed. The brain is a powerful thing. This is very obvious if you are a multi-shipper or a general fan, but BTS truly has a lot of questionable moments between all kinds of pairs. Focus is a interesting thing. If you like something you will notice it more, and you will also remember it more while you forget other moments. Likewise if something is “negative” like a rival ship you are likely to notice them more as well. This happens even if you just watch the general content and get your own bias. Imagine then how it might influence you when others keep repeating either your happy interpretations or things you worry about? You’ll get it stuck in your head and remember it more than other things.

Like isn’t it funny how we might gush about Vmin sharing beds, or worry about ji/kook or tae/kook cuddling while hope/kook literally sleep wrapped around each other in both Bon Voyage 3 and 4? Sometimes it’s all about perspective.

By now we need to realize that fan perspective will influence us a lot. And in particular if a lot of people say it or if it is presented in a way that makes it sound logical and intelligent. Words have power. 

I still think using “Vmin is dead” or spreading worry often in itself leads to people thinking it and it being somehow accepted as fact. In similar fashion getting to hear about certain ships or certain narratives will make us notice things in relation to that. My own words and posts too will have influence on some people that read them. That’s why I try to be so careful, and why I try to avoid using strong words or claims that might cement themselves in someone’s mind. (I’ll actually talk more about the power of language in my big analysis as well)

Thank you for your input, it’s definitely an interesting thing to consider and another aspect of why shipping mentality is so complicated. 

Ask 6 - Vmin not sharing rooms in Bon Voyage Malta

Hi and yes, I have answered this before HERE, but it’s ok. I know it’s not easy finding old topics amongst my collection posts.

Collection of asks - BTSandVMIN Collection of asks 2 - BTSandVMIN Collection of asks 3 - BTSandVMIN

In short I think Vmin wanted to share rooms but that Taehyung got fooled when Jimin stopped him from checking the upper room. Because it seemed like Jimin stopped him from walking into that room by saying he couldn’t peak Tae probably assumed it wasn’t Jimin’s room and that when Jimin said it was his room he was joking (his face was definitely something). So yeah, I think he just got fooled by Jimin’s statement about not being allowed to look inside the room before picking. There are other interesting things about this whole moment, but the one thing we should take away from it is how it is one out of now many examples that seem to show that Vmin have a preference to share rooms/beds. Thank you for the ask. :)

Ask 7 - Has being a Vmin shipper always been so overwhelming with all the content?

I wouldn’t say it’s something recent. I say it often, but we really do get very intense periods from time to time with many of the ships. For example in February 2017 with ISAC, fan signs and everything else we got a lot of Vmin too. I remember being overwhelmed myself, and that was coming out of BST era Vmin. We got many moments every day and that’s just one specific period I can remember. 

 Over the years sometimes we do get these very intense days or weeks with a lot of moments at once. Usually I get asks like “do you think something is up with Vmin lately” or “wow I can’t believe how much Vmin we have gotten lately” but really, it’s hard to tell, because it really does happen from time to time. I also still say we always get Vmin moments regularly as long as we get BTS content, but sometimes a bit more and sometimes less. I am sure there will be more times when we also get “Vmin is dead“ and worried people because we get less moments than they expect. It just happens, up and down and around it goes.

As for what ships are big I will definitely say Ji/kook and Tae/kook are the biggest, but that all BTS ships are big by now. Meaning as soon as we do get moments it will be seen online. Especially if you follow people who talk about it of course. I also think what platform you are on can result in some ships being seen more than others. For example I know ji/kook is by far the biggest BTS ship here on Tumblr while Youtube seems to have more tae/kookers.

Thank you for the ask. Let’s hope Vmin keeps overwhelming us. (But let’s not start to worry if they don’t) ;)

Ask 8 - “Just a friend” interview

Ah yes, I have a bit of a soft spot for this interview myself. I am not sure, but I think it might be from 2017 (since Tae wrote a birthday letter to Jimin in 2016), or at least that’s when I found it and saved it down. I haven’t actually tracked the original source. You can find the translation in the link shared HERE, credits to @95z​.

Seeing this close after the chaos of Let’s BTS and other letter confessions it really does seem very cringe for them to express sincere thoughts in these more formal ways. I can’t blame them. 

I do think this interview is yet another example of how much Vmin has tried to adapt to each other, learn and be more open with expressing how they feel. They literally inspire and learn from each other in how to express themselves. Isn’t it completely endearing? 

I also love how they get each other to feel strong emotions and how they are there for each other when in need. On a slightly more analytical note I also can’t help but note the “just a friend” vs “soulmate” descriptions and how they seem to have a hard time putting it into proper words. We already know this of course, but yeah... They really don’t have an easy time describing their relationship.

Thank you so much for sharing this moment. I was going to talk about it in my big analysis anyways, but honestly I can’t save everything for it, and you mentioned it so who am I to keep it to myself.

Ask 9 - The garnet necklace

Oh yeah, I know that JK wore it once and that the talk was that a fan gave it to all of maknae line. Not much was ever confirmed from what I know, but regardless it doesn’t change why I think it’s a Vmin/soulmate necklace and why I see it as special.

Here is the thing, when I use “Vmin thing” it really doesn’t have to be exclusive. To me it’s the context around it and how they have used it and even reacted to it that makes the garnet necklace something special for Vmin. In the case of the soulmate necklace Vmin wore it a lot. Almost constantly during a big part of 2017 and even a bit into 2018. They also wore it at the same time a lot. I find this very cute, and we all know “couple items” is something all fans enjoy even if it would just be a platonic relationship behind it. But if both of them wearing it was all there was, as a lot of Vmin sharing clothes (or BTS in general sharing clothes) I wouldn’t really think too much about it beyond it being cute. It could still be just a cute thing that Vmin did, but I personally see it as something beyond the normal clothes/jewelry sharing.

(At the very least you can remember Vmin did this while people thought their relationship was dead, which doesn’t make much sense to do if you hate or dislike someone.)

The things I find more noteworthy about this necklace is the fact that the fandom picked up on it and because they wore it so much and so often at the same time it was dubbed the “soulmate necklace”. Possibly knowing this Tae also brought specific attention to the necklace at two times, as if wanting to show it off. Interestingly enough, in one of these times Jimin seemed to ignore Taehyung who was bringing attention to it on purpose. For me it came across as another thing Taehyung wanted to show off and that Jimin was a bit more careful about. 

Of course I could have read it wrong, maybe Jimin just misunderstood. But even so, Tae did bring attention to it in specific relation to Jimin. You can watch the clip HERE. (BTS Tell Us What They Love About Each Other & An Update On Tony & Nate From America Hustle Life) 

The other time was in Run ep. 39, right after Vmin talked about being in school together and showing off their school uniforms. If Tae is the one to try and highlight something, I feel it likely has some meaning to him at least.

Either way the necklace is basically a symbol of Vmin’s relationship and the fact that they liked it so much and wore it together during a long period I think they liked wearing it not only because they both happened to like the design but because they both had it. If JK also had one and didn’t use it of course it could include him, but I will still say it remains significant for Vmin’s bond with each other.

As for buying a necklace together they haven’t talked about this one in particular, but Tae did mention he bought his tiger necklace with Jimin in NY, so maybe you are mixing the two things up?

Ask 10 - Vmin in CMs

Thank you for loving my blog and for the ask! :) I am not sure if you perhaps meant in a lot of BTS own photoshoots/units as well, but I’ll focus on CMs in this post since that was your direct example. I might go a bit beyond here, but I saw it as a good chance to revisit some Vmin ad moments.

I wouldn’t personally say we have gotten “way more” but I do think because of their Friends unit they got to do some more interviews together and some CM stuff too. I also think we have gotten more BTS commercials in general now, likely because it’s an income alternative to touring during the pandemic. So that obviously means more CMs, and more chances for them to be paired up. They also have gotten paired with others of course (like in the Bodyfriend CM or Baskin Robbins), but most commonly they aren’t divided in smaller groups at all.

We also have gotten Vmin paired up before, both in photoshoots and in CMs. Of course we saw some great ones in 2016 with Puma and NUGU, but I don’t think we got that much more in 2016 and before than in 2017-2019. I think what we can see is BTS having more endorsements after Covid.

Like honestly, the Puma adds are iconic. Of course the original one, but also the revisits from 2018. Puma definitely seemed to like to pair Vmin in particular. (There are so many good examples from Puma that I’m not including)

We also got a snippet in the Hyundai one, also from 2018.

Another snippet from the Coconut Chicken ad from 2017.

I mean, I don’t know if I should count the snippets at all, like from BTS x VT cosmetics in 2019, but I feel sometimes just being seen in the same frame seems to get attention as being paired up so. (I decided to not include being together when it’s at least a third member in the frame)

And guys... Have you ever watched BTS and the milk song?

What did we get so far more recently? In 2020 we had the Hyundai interview.

And the hyundai #PositiveEnergyChallenge

Fila provided a nice one, also from 2020.

Samsung gave us a snippet recently.

Coway was basically couple goals and like the best one in my own opinion (besides Puma because it is going to take a lot to beat Puma).

But other than that? I don’t think we have seen it that much, have we? I am not complaining or anything, like I am happy with what we got, but I don’t know if it’s that much. I might forget some obvious ones, but these were the ones I had top of mind. Feel free to add ads if you can think of more recent ones that I left out.

So I think we have gotten more BTS ads in general, also more where they are not all of them or single focus, and that we have seen maybe Vmin getting paired a little more after Friends. But to me there is such a small difference I can’t really say if it is anything particular to Vmin or just BTS doing more CMs.

I mean, I don’t have a sheet of who has been paired with who and how many times over the years. But either way I don’t think we should look too deeply into things like CMs or even photoshoots units. Thanks for the ask though, I hope you enjoyed this mini collection. :)

Ask 11 - Taehyung uncomfortable about shipping/tae*kook?

So this is a thought sent in after THIS ASK though it really brings up a new subject, which is that of Tae possibly being uncomfortable with shipping. As for Tae saying that to a tae/kooker in particular I think we have to remember it could very easily just have been in the moment and we can’t know why he decided to reply to that person in particular.

The Vmin post was not invasive and it wasn’t romantic. I mean, I do think Tae keeps showing again and again that if there is any person in BTS that is special to him it’s Jimin. But the difference in the posts also likely matters, but we can’t know how much. We don’t know if Tae would feel annoyed if a Vminie wrote the same thing as the tae/kooker did, and we don’t know if it was just in that moment that he got fed up with the shipping discourse in general, or if it was because it was tae/kook.

Honestly any shipper, regardless if a ship would eventually prove to be real or not, should not go and invade spaces where the boys get exposed to it. We don’t know if Taehyung would have reacted in a similar way if it happened to be another ship.

Personally I don’t think tae/kook drifted apart as a result of shipping, because honestly they still kept being pretty intimate physically and engaged in fanservice on stage etc. If they truly were uncomfortable with the idea I just don’t think they would “feed it” much at all. I think as they said in ITS they just, kind of changed and it became harder to talk. I’ve talked more about tae/kook and my views on their bond in THIS POST and a little in THIS POST as well as about BTS possible stance on shipping HERE.

I also think all of BTS has a pretty good distance from hate and fandom speculations in general. I think that because they know about shipping and partly also feed into it they probably expect crazy people to some degree as well, even if they probably don’t like it. Hetero shippers as well, or solo stans etc. have very toxic behaviors at times, but I think BTS can recognize that it is kind of “bound to happen” with their popularity, no matter what they do about it. Not saying they would like it, and they could definitely feel awkward or annoyed because of it, but it doesn’t seem to bother them too much as I think they can detach themselves from it pretty well.

I also think “fan opinions” in form of rival shipping wouldn’t really harm a hidden couple as it first would likely be a sort of “shield” and second because they have their relationships and are likely comfortable with them on their own terms. What fans think is probably secondary.

It is possible that they could get annoyed or frustrated at times, but again, if they truly felt bothered by it they probably wouldn’t do a lot of the things they do. Because I am sure they are aware to some degree that fans scrutinize their every move and ship moments. Both Tae and Jimin are some of the most physical out of the members, and also some of the members that seem to like to initiate fanservice moments... So I doubt they would have much problem and can feel secure enough in their relationship no matter what fans think.

Ask 12 - What did Jimin write on his shirt in Run ep. 53?

Hi, I guess you got curious after I talked about this episode recently in my post Ask: Reply - 2021.03.30 (Ask 8 - Going down the rabbit hole, micromoments and shipping vs believing).

I don’t know hangul, but I do know what “Jimin” looks like. On Jimin’s shirt from behind the scenes of Run ep. 53 you can see he’s written his own name “지민” Jimin followed by what looks to be “ 님 “ which is nim. So basically the text on the container in the picture says Sir Jimin.

Jimin seemed very keen on writing his name on both his own shirt and on Tae’s and even tried on JK’s. He failed of course, but he sure did try. 

Thank you for the ask, and isn’t Tae cute?

Ask 13 - Gina Maeng ask follow up

Glad you liked my reply. :) (From Ask: Reply - 2021.03.30  Ask 4 - Idols dating members of the same group). Yeah I get what you mean, talking about it openly I suppose isn’t so normal. But since it seems to be more and more fans who assume it happens to some degree maybe it’s not so strange if it starts getting more talked about as well. I’ll take it as a good sign, even if the information is nothing new in itself, being more open is going to make it easier for fans to realize it’s possible for their idols to be LGBT+ or have hidden relationships.

As for K-Population it doesn’t seem to be too well known, but it’s one of few actual examples to be found. So yeah, interesting that we know it has happened, and also that it shows what risks it could mean to get involved with a group member. I think the risk of a falling out is something a lot of shippers tend to forget. Anyways, thank you for your reply. ^_^

Ask 14 - Vmin’s love is beautiful (and so much nice praise omg)

Oh my... I am not sure I have ever been called sweetheart by anyone ever before. Thank you! You are making me blush with all the praise.  💜💜💜

But really, we can all just watch Vmin in awe and be happy they have each other and feel such immense love for each other, no matter what that love is. It’s kind of amazing. Like even if they are platonic their relationship is so wholesome and they put so much love and effort into it that it’s truly inspirational. I love when we get bombed with moments like this with a very intense period of great Vmin interactions. As you, me too never fail to feel all soft watching them together.

95z is love and what a love they share. Truly wonderful. 💜

You take care too, and really, thank you so much for this lovely message. it means a lot and is very heartwarming.

And with that sweet ask I’ll end the post. There was a lot of very different questions and I feel I could have written more about many of them, but alas I need to remember I can’t write full essays on everything or I would never get anything posted. Thank you all for reading and I hope you found my thoughts and speculations interesting. ^-^

[blu-joons]

DATING SUPER JUNIOR HEADCANON A⇴Z ⇴ Lee Hyukjae

A ⇴ AFFECTION

Hyukjae loves to be affectionate with you, he loves to hug you and make you feel special, no matter where the two of you are. He loves to receive affection from you, especially when you run your hands through his hair.

B ⇴ BEFORE DATING

It didn’t take long for the two of you to start talking, Hyukjae liked to talk to most people, and you were no different. But what was different, was how drawn to you he was. There was something about you that intrigued him and made him smile. He knew there was only one answer to what was causing him to feel that way, he was definitely falling for you.

C ⇴ CONFESSION

He was a nervous wreck before confessing to you, his confidence abandoned him completely as the two of you sat to dinner that night. He was terrified to tell you how he felt because he wasn’t sure how you felt. Luckily, as he told you how he felt, you were quick to let him know they were the exact same feelings that you felt for him. As you spoke, he couldn’t help but sigh in relief, reaching for your hand across the table.

D ⇴ DATES

Dates were always important to him, he always made sure to make an effort, even if it was just a night in at one of your houses. Most of the time he loved to take you to live events, concerts, dance shows, musical theatre, anything that involved music or dance were his favourites. But he also liked to show you the dedicated side of him too, he’d try hard to cook whenever you went to the dorm for a date night, and on special occasions he’d always make sure to book a table at a nice restaurant. He was up for anything with you, it never mattered where you were or what you did.

E ⇴ EXPERIENCE

He’d had a few dates, a couple of very brief relationships, but nothing serious ever came from anything previously to you. He was very dedicated to his work, and he wanted someone in his life that would appreciate that part of him. When the initial honeymoon phase went away, he often saw many people walk away from him, but you were different. For the first time he felt like he had something really special with you, he trusted you a lot more than anyone else and believed you when you told him you weren’t going anywhere.

F ⇴ FIGHTING

There had definitely been a few major arguments between the two of you, at times Hyukjae could be quite stubborn which meant solving an argument wasn’t easy. But you’d always find a way to figure things out too and talk about the properly. He could never focus properly at work knowing that you weren’t speaking to each other, although he’d never shout, he’d definitely make it clear that he believed he was in the right. He’d always get nervous when he eventually came home, but you’d soon apologise as soon as you saw him, as would he, there was no feeling worse than when the two of you weren’t speaking.

G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY

You were very aware of how close his family were, especially his sister Sora. When Hyukjae told him, he had found someone they were excited to meet you as soon as they could, taking you by surprise. When they finally saw in person how smiley Hyukjae was with you around, they accepted you instantly and began to tell you all of Hyukjae’s embarrassing stories.

H ⇴ HOME

He’d moved back to the dorm as he hated being alone, there was no way he was going to move out again unless he had you there with him. After a few months, Hyukjae suggested that the two of you started looking for a place together. It was a big step for you both to take, but one he also knew he was more than ready for.

I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU”

Hyukjae was the first to say, ‘I love you,’ after coming back from a D&E promotion. You were all he’d thought about for the entire trip, it took a lot more out of him than he thought. The one thing he realised spending so much time away from you, was that he loved you. As soon as he saw you waiting at the airport his arms wrapped you and greeted you with those three special words.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY

He tries hard to mask his jealousy, but he definitely can get jealous. He comes across as confident, but he certainly has his own insecurities too and worries a lot when he sees you around other people. Your relationship is something he will protect to no end, if he feels threatened, he’s more than happy to walk up to you and kiss the top of your head or pull you closely into his side. He knows that you can get jealous too, with his work of line, it’s only natural, but he’ll always remind you that you’re the one he goes home too.

K ⇴ KIDS

Having children was something that Hyukjae had always wanted, he was always so good with kids at fan events. Once he found the right girl, he knew it was something he wanted to discuss quickly so he knew you’d want them too. Seeing him around children only confirmed how much of an amazing dad Hyukjae would become, after a little while in your own place, the two of you definitely decided that maybe it was time to think about kids.

L ⇴ LAUGHTER

You were drawn quite quickly to his laugh when the two of you first met, seeing the creases around his eyes and his wide mouth brought a smile to your face. He was incredible at making you laugh; he’d had plenty of practice throughout his years of presenting to know how to put a smile on someone’s face. At the end of a long day, he always knew how to make you smile and happy again. If the mood in the room was ever quiet or glum, you could always count on Hyukjae to come out with something to brighten everything back up again.

M ⇴ MISSING

He never wanted to be the boyfriend who struggled with even the slightest bit of distance, but he really did. It always felt lonely without you there, which had always been something he struggled with. Every time he went on tour, he made sure to leave you a shirt or a jumper that you could sleep with and remind you of him, whilst he also stole a bottle of your perfume to carry with him. He’d call you as often as he could in between his busy schedule, but when your time zones changed that wasn’t always so easy. Donghae especially would try and bring a smile back to his face, but it was never an easy task to stop him missing you.

N ⇴ NICKNAMES

Your nickname for him was fairly simple, ‘Hyuk,’ would normally be how you’d call him, similarly for him, he’d find a way to shorten your name that he liked, saving sweet nicknames for the times when they were really called for.

O ⇴ OBSESSION

He was obsessed with your body, he loved to have it nice and close to him to be able to hold. His hands would always be exploring, he just couldn’t help himself, he loved to try and push the boundaries.

P ⇴ PDA

It very much depended on his mood whether he’d be affectionate with you in public. He’d always at least hold your hand, but if he were needy or craving your attention, he wouldn’t be afraid to trail a few kisses along your neck to try and get your attention. You’d try and brush him aside, but he’d grip onto you a little bit tighter until he got his way.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS

He’d often ask questions at night when the two of you began to sleep. That was when he had his most random thoughts, which he loved to hear your opinion on. The two of you spent hours staying up and talking about all sorts of theories and ideas.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS

On one of your first dates, you surprised him with a headband as you remembered him saying he hated how his hair covered his face on stage. Ever since then, he’d worn it for every performance, without fail. If his costume included a headband, he’d hide yours underneath, or if he were supposed to keep his hair messy, he’d wrap the band around his wrist. It slowly became a bit of a good luck charm for him that he never wanted to let go of.

S ⇴ SEX

Hyukjae is the perfect mix between very loving and very playful. He doesn’t let the mood get too serious very often, just like his affection, he likes to push the boundaries and see how much he can get away with. His hands are often all over your body, whilst yours tend to run through his hair as you know how much he loves the feeling. He always has the biggest smile on his face, unable to hide the blush on his cheeks.

T ⇴ TEXTS

Whenever a moment appears in his day, he’s usually checking his phone for a text from you. If there’s nothing there, he’ll find something to text you about, just so when he goes back to his phone again, he can see a text from you.

U ⇴ UNIVERSE

You were like the missing puzzle piece for Hyukjae. He had a great family, a career so good it felt like a dream, but he’d always missed out on love. That was where you came in, filling the void and giving him more to look forward to in the future.

V ⇴ VACATION

With the main group, the subgroup, Weekly Idol and his directing, there was barely a day free in his schedule. Holidays never bothered Hyukjae too much, but when he met you, he was determined to try and find a week, or even a few days, in the year where the two of you could go away. It didn’t matter where you both went; he was desperate for you to escape together for a while.

W ⇴ WHINING

If you weren’t paying attention to Hyukjae then he’d definitely whine, he’d pout across at you without taking a breath until you finally looked at him.

X ⇴ XXXXX

He loved to kiss you and sneak around you when you weren’t paying attention to you. His kisses were usually his way of telling you that he wanted you to spend a bit of time with him, or that he wanted a bit of reassurance. If you dared to deny him a kiss, he’d follow you around and get in your way with pouted lips until you finally kissed him. You’d always be able to feel his smile when his lips pressed to yours making you smile too.

Y ⇴ YOU

You were his best friend, the one who always made him smile.

Z ⇴ ZZZ

Falling asleep beside you was his favourite thing. He loved more than anything with your hand ran through his hair, it always helped him relax when he could feel your presence beside him as he fell asleep.

---

Masterlist

[agntofhydra]

Sawbones // TWO

(gif credit) 

summary: Red String of Fate Soulmate AU

Soul mates have a red thread tied to each others pinkies that only one of them can see.

You’re the Resistance’s head medic. You can see the red thread of fate that leads you to your soulmate. Poe doesn’t believe in the soulmate / thread theory. You don’t agree with his tactics, nor does he approve of yours. Leia and Holdo just really want a win.

pairing: poe dameron x reader

rating: mature for later chapters

read me on ao3! 

part one here!

read on till the end for notes! 

SAWBONES

TWO // PULLED TAUGHT

No.

You hadn’t been avoiding him.

You were busy. Taking inventory, filling out incident reports, stocking, taking care of your patients - which, you noticed, had decreased in number over the last couple days. And you knew why.

Someone must’ve been taking better care of their pilots.

Jasti was released the morning after the whole - for lack of a better term - ordeal. She’d heard your violent retching and had banged on the door, asking if you were okay.

Your vision was white, and after about two rounds you were dry heaving. No fucking way, your mind rattled. The revelation shook you to your core. You were happy being unsuspecting, ignorant of the fact that your soulmate had been pittering around D’Qar for literal months while you sat in your office, pissing off FX-7 and berating their antics in your head. The furrow of his eyebrows, the flicker of concern in his eyes at your sudden change in demeanor when you saw his pinky also had ingrained itself in your mind. Lingered every time you shut your eyes. You must’ve stayed in the refresher for an hour or two, senses numbed to Jasti’s incessant banging on the door.

You also weren’t good with conflict, and a conflict this was indeed.

What were you supposed to do? Tell him? Would he even believe you? Ziff said he didn’t trust the concept anymore, too many girls taking advantage of where he once was soft. Exploited that weakness until it was solid beskar.

So no, you didn’t tell him.

You’d stayed busy. He was busy, too. Per your objections, Leia had him and his squadrons flying more recon and actually formulating a real operation to investigate the cargo ship orbiting around Kessel. You’d heard that from whispers in the hallway, and you didn’t really want to venture out for any updates.

Turns out, you wouldn’t have to.

As if your thoughts had summoned him, Poe was dragging a pilot from blue squadron into your medbay, one of their arms around his shoulder, one of his around their waist. His eyes were searching, panicked until they met yours as you flew from your office and threw the pilot onto the first open bed.

“What happened?” You asked, immediately checking for vitals. His skin was burning, clammy. FX-7 recorded his temperature and your heart dropped at the number.

“We were flying back, literally leaving hyperdrive when I was notified Blue Three was having trouble, and could barely steer his x-wing through D’Qar’s orbit.” Poe paused. “His skin is on fire.”

“I’m aware,” you tried not to bite back as you threw FX-7 an IV bag. You also did not dwell on the fact that Poe didn’t even know this pilot’s name. “Do we have hadeira serum?”

“You did inventory,” FX-7 duly responded as he inserted a needle into the pilot’s basilic vein. Poe cringed and looked away, eyes focused on you instead.

You hadn’t really done inventory, and you were cursing yourself for it now.

“Wait,” Poe frowned. “Hadeira? You think he’s got bloodburn?”

“He’s been in with a fever before,” you muttered as you rifled through the cabinet on the opposite wall. Poe followed, barking over your shoulder.

“And you didn’t ground him?”

You paused, closing your eyes for a second and taking a deep breath before returning to your search. You really didn’t need Dameron on his high horse right now, questioning your calls.

It was only fair. You had done it to him, you reminded yourself. That didn’t mean you couldn’t whip around and land one in the middle of his chiseled, ridiculously handsome and symmetrical face. You groaned audibly at not only your thoughts, but your inability to locate the literal life-saving serum.

“Back off, Dameron,” you said between your teeth as you all but sprinted back into your office where you kept the more valuable medicines. You unlocked the closet behind your desk with your hand and entered, eyes scanning the shelves. Once again, Poe followed.

“What’s wrong, doc? Don’t like it when people question your authority?”

You finally turned to him, slightly put off by the fact he was less than a meter away. You didn’t let it show.

“You wanna do this right now?” You raised your eyebrows. He crossed his arms over his chest and the thread around his pinky was directly in your field of vision. You held back the bile that rose in the back of your throat.

“His fever is so high that his blood is boiling right now. Which will kill him. So please, Dameron. If you think this argument is worth more than me finding the serum and saving his life,” you punctuated each word, “keep talking. But I’m not listening.”

Your eyes caught the vials to the right of his head, and he stepped out of the closet and into the expanse of your office as you grabbed the vials and quickly returned to the medbay where FX-7 had started hydrating the pilot. You handed the droid the hadeira serum and FX-7 made quick work of administering.

You let out a long breath. You weren’t totally in the clear, but it was as under control as it could be. Poe gave you a look and you nodded, silently telling him his pilot was okay. For now.

Poe stared at him for a couple moments longer, and once he was satisfied leaving him in the care of FX-7, he kicked your boot lightly.

“Can we talk now?”

Swallowing thickly, you nodded and led him back into your office. Poe sat down in one of the stark white chairs that matched the rest of your office as you locked the medicine closet. You turned around to him but kept your distance.

“What’s there to talk about?”

He bit the inside of his cheeks to keep him from grinning. “I don’t bite, y’know.”

You rolled your eyes, but nonetheless moved closer to him and sat atop your desk.

The red thread floated between the both of you, moving as if it was being jostled by the air currents in the room. Before you could even think, your left hand went to pluck at the string tied near the base of your finger. To your utmost surprise, the now tangible string pulled back due to your force. You let go in shock. The string vibrated and you watched the movement travel to shake the thread connecting to Poe. He coughed, left hand clenching and unclenching his fingers. You watched the action and met his eyes. Once again, he furrowed his brows.

“Why do you keep doing that?”

It was your turn to furrow your brows, and Poe continued, “Y’know. Looking into space and then turning pale like there’s a rancor in here that I don’t see. And then you look at me like it’s my fault?"

It’s now or never, you told yourself. Come clean.

“It’s nothing.” Coward.

Poe dropped the subject. “Anyways, you must’ve been swamped these last few days because you haven’t checked in to hear any updates on the cargo ship.”

Not trusting your voice, you just shrugged as your eyes rested back on the crimson that connected the two of you. Seeing it was definitely a curse. You tried not to dwell on how different things would be if it was Poe that could see it. What a weight off your shoulders that would be.

Maybe if he could see it, it wouldn’t be you on the other end, the voice in head told you. Poe was still rambling about Kessel and you definitely weren’t listening. You don’t want that, do you? For him to be soulmates with someone else?

It happened all the time though, people ending up with those who they weren’t tethered to. The galaxy was far too huge and vast, many people never having the opportunity to leave their home planet, let alone venture and seek out their soulmate. Some people, Poe included now, saw it as a myth, it was becoming so rare. You’d only ever known one pair of soulmates to meet in the years you’d been alive. Your parents.

Either way, your mind needed to slow down. You didn’t know Poe. From what you’ve seen of him, despite his impeccable physical features, you weren’t really a fan. But...just regarding his physical features? Big fan.

He snapped you out of your reverie. “Stars, you are infuriating.”

You apologized, placing your hands in the front pockets of your medic coat in hopes to ignore the thread, but it stuck out of the material of your pocket instead.

“There’s no harm in collecting more intel,” you told him. “Especially if it saves lives.”

He rubbed his forehead. “There is if it’s time sensitive! The ship could leave Kessel at any moment and then we’ll never know what was on it.”

You snorted. “You said it’s been in your knowledge for a while, been written off until now. I don’t buy it. I don’t know what you’re wanting from me, Dameron, but I won’t apologize. This is how I feel, and General Organa and Vice Admiral Holdo agree with me.”

“I want a common ground,” he said. Your gut twisted. “We met not ten minutes before you blasted me to pieces in that briefing room.”

“I don’t think you’re used to opposition.”

“I’m not.”

“You should always consider every point of view, especially for things like this. Have you heard about the terror running the First Order? You really want to face him in your little x-wing?”

Poe jerked his head. “Do not insult my ship.”

“Stars, Dameron, can you listen to a voice that isn’t your own for five seconds?”

“I was listening, obviously, ‘cause I heard your jab about my ship.” You could force-choke him right now. “But I get where you’re coming from. Where you’re more conservative and safe, I’m intuitive and risky and you hate it,” he said with a smile that met his eyes.

“I would call it impulsive and ill-informed,” you countered. You definitely didn’t hate bantering with him. You noticed subtly that over the course of the conversation, Poe had begun to move closer to you, inching closer and closer to the edge of the chair.

“Astute and adept,” he stood, tongue darting out to wet his lips as his eyes never left yours.

“Reckless and arrogant.” You didn’t want him to come any closer, unsure if you would either retch all over his shoes or bunch up the material of his brown leather jacket in your grip to pull him closer.

As if the stars were listening and answered, FX-7 appeared in the doorway. Your eyes broke from Poe’s, turning your attention to the droid and Poe followed suit.

“Pilot Nunb’s fever has broken,” it said. “He will make it through the night.”

Night? You realized you’d been so consumed the last couple days you’d lost all concept of time.

“Great news,” Poe said, turning from FX-7 back to you. “I need to go tell the rest of blue squadron.” Poe shamelessly looked you up and down.

“‘Till next time, Doc.”

Poe sidestepped the droid in the doorway without another glance at you. You remained on your desk, hands still in your pockets as you watched the thread disappear into the wall as Poe left.

“It is hardly relevant to speak in matters that pertain to humans,” FX-7 began, “let alone ones that concern my superior, but if I may?”

You couldn’t hide your confusion. FX-7 never spoke to you unless it was a medical matter. You nodded for him to go ahead.

“You are consumed with plenty. I caution against adding Commander Dameron to the list.”

You frowned. “FX, do you know about the soulmate thread?” What harm would it be to tell a droid? FX barely talked to you, and chances were zero that the droid would air this to anyone else.

The droid lifted its metal head up and down. “Yes.”

It was the most humanistic the droid had ever been, and you felt mildly miffed. Has FX-7 always been able to not be so robotic? You’d save that thought to be pissed about another time.

“I can see it,” you said quietly. “It’s tied to him.”

FX-7 was silent, motionless for a few moments and it almost seemed like he had powered down. “That is…” he paused. “Inconvenient.”

“Yeah, I know,” you said, hopping down from your desk. Your hands left your pockets to run through your hair as you tried to clear your thoughts and just breathe.

“Is that why you have busied yourself more than usual?”

“Didn’t wanna deal with it,” you nodded. “Still don’t.”

“That will only prove to make things more arduous. You have two options when it comes to Commander Dameron, and you know which I favor. For the good of the Resistance and your work.” FX-7 then left the doorway to your office as promptly as he had arrived.

✗ ✗ ✗

You fell asleep in your office that night, or maybe it was morning by the time you collapsed against your desk. Despite FX-7’s confirmation, you couldn’t let yourself go back to your quarters when the pilot in your medbay was teetering on the cusp of cardiac arrest.

Leia Organa woke you by softly brushing the hair out of your face. Your head lifted instantaneously, a paper stuck to your cheek. You quickly removed it and smoothed down the rest of your hair to at least try and look presentable.

“General,” you regarded her, standing up from your seat. She smiled softly at you.

“Doctor, I apologize for waking you.”

You shook your head and tried not to wince when you peeked at the digital numbers glaring at you upon the wall.

“I needed to be awake, anyways. I’m late for rounds,” you muttered the last part to yourself.

“I came to update you on the operation,” she moved back around your desk and sat down in the seat Poe had occupied only a few hours prior.

“We’ve received intel that the TIE fighters stationed in front of the ship are no longer there, presumably to return to the First Order to refuel or receive maintenance. It’s a narrow window, but Commander Dameron and both Red and Blue squadrons have departed a few hours ago to hopefully investigate that cargo ship.”

You nodded at her words and contained the frown from surfacing on your face. Your stomach knotted, fearing that the absence of First Order protection was all too convenient, and they were falling into a trap.

The First Order was smart, something you had learned first hand. You’d been on their radar for as long as you could remember. The bad guys needed medics, too.

Some of your peers that you had completed medical school with had left to join, and ultimately you couldn’t blame them. The offer was tempting, yet mostly threatening. Most of them joined more out of fear than anything. You had been moments away yourself, but instead you were here. On D’Qar. A vital part of the Resistance. If you were someone who believed in such phenomena, you would swear the galaxy itself had made sure of it.  

“Have you heard anything since they left?” You asked.

Leia shook her head, trying to hide her worried expression. “They’re in good hands. Poe is the best pilot I’ve seen since…” She stopped herself. “He’s the man for this.”

“So I’ve heard,” you said. “I hope he proves me wrong. And also brings every pilot back in one piece.”

“Together, I think you two would make quite the formidable pair.”

“With respect, General,” you tried not to snort at her words. “I think it’s better if we keep our distance. Our stubbornness might tear a rift in the galaxy.”

“Or,” she winked. “It could bring it together.”

You had no response.

“I’ll be back should there be any word from Poe, and - “

Leia’s words were cut off by the familiar screech of a x-wings cutting into the atmosphere and landing on the runway.

Wordlessly, the two of you all but sprinted from the medical wing out into the open, expansive area that was the runway. Countless others were surfacing outside, watching the ships land and be courted off into the hangars for repairs. From what you could tell, they all looked fine. No exposed wires or blaster burns. For the most part, the squadrons looked untouched. The last ship to land was Poe’s black and orange T-70.

The second the x-wing was stopped, Poe all but threw himself from the cockpit, shucking his helmet off and chucking it at the ground. BB-8’s body blurred as the droid tried to keep up with his long, quick strides. His eyes met Leia’s first, immediately spurning his feet to turn in her direction. When he eventually realized you were also next to her, his eyes all but physically set you on fire.

You held your breath as he crossed the runway. Poe looked downright dangerous, he was so angry. Leia noticed this too, but did not change her demeanor as she waited patiently for him to come to her, hands clasped behind her back.

“Mission report, Commander Dameron,” she said.

“Can we discuss this somewhere else?” Poe asked as he stopped walking, finally reaching his destination. BB-8 rolled up a second later. His eyes flicked to yours.

“We can, but the Doctor will be there regardless.”

Poe wanted to scream.

“The mission went as smoothly as expected. We were met with no First Order resistance or ambush as we docked and investigated the cargo ship.”

“And what did you find?”

Poe took a deep breath, calming his heartbeat that was deafening in his ears. His fists clenched and unclenched, and unfortunately the thread was still there. Except this time, it was pulled taught between your bodies when it usually sagged with slack.

“We found spice, General.”

Oh.

Maybe you did believe in some higher power. There had to be someone pulling the strings behind this scenario. You wanted to laugh, point your finger and tell him ‘told you so’. But you didn’t, because the tension and anger in Poe’s body was so apparent that it looked like he was a chain pulled so tight it wasn’t a matter of if, but when he would snap.

So you settled for pursing your lips very tightly.

“Nothing else to report?” Leia questioned.

Poe shook his head.

“I’m glad you all made it back safe,” she said, putting her hand on Poe’s shoulder. “It was one mission, Poe. There will be other opportunities.”

He nodded, not meeting her eyes as Leia took her leave. The two of you stood in intolerable silence and you weren’t sure why Poe didn’t immediately sprint off as soon as Leia left.

“I’m glad everyone made it back safely,” you spoke slowly, offering a metaphorical olive branch.

Poe cocked his head, eyes narrowing as he met yours. You braced yourself, waiting for him to maybe pull out his blaster and take you out on the spot.

“Save it,” he said, though his voice didn’t hold the venom you expected. “Do you want me to tell you that you were right?”

You shrugged. “Not required, but I’m not against it.”

He did not accept your poor attempt at lightening the mood. Instead, he sighed deeply and dragged a hand down his face.

“I look like a complete joke . Making such a big deal out of this whole operation, only to be completely and utterly wrong.” He laughed dryly, and you tried not to wince.

“But you know who was right? A fucking medic. The holier-than-thou doctor who doesn’t ever leave her medbay, but the one time she does she completely undermines everything.”

Of course, it was your fault. Poe didn’t want to face the fact that his lack of patience and impulsiveness had forced him and his whole squadron to investigate a cargo ship full of spice. Against your better judgement, you let him continue his diatribe. He continued, berating your position, your lack of expertise and inability to, how did he put it? Stay out of matters that don’t pertain to you. He seemed to have forgotten the minute detail that Holdo had asked for you to be there, even though you reminded him of that fact last night.

After a ridiculous amount of time, Poe eventually stopped to catch his breath. As soon has he did, he tried to continue.

“Not to mention - “

You cut him off. “Are you done?”

He narrowed his eyes. “I could go on all day.”

You crossed your arms. “I’m sure you could. Because you absolutely have the right to completely tear me down when we met for the first time a couple days ago.”

“I’ve heard enough about you,” Poe countered.

“As have I,” you clenched your jaw. “Your reputation precedes your rank, Dameron. You really think you’re going to earn respect and trust around the base when you’re running through every female here? You think that speaks well of your character? You think that’s Commander behavior?”

Poe interlaced his hands on the top of his head as he laughed at you incredulously.

“I can’t even stand to breathe the same air as you right now,” Poe said.

How fucking immature. You narrowed your eyes. “Then stop breathing.”

At your words, the red thread tightened around your finger painfully. So tight, it felt as though it was about to cut through and remove the finger entirely. Your other hand rubbed at your finger -  desperately, futilely trying to loosen the string.

Poe watched your action, and then sucked in a breath through his teeth as he grasped as his own pinky in pain. He noticed his movements mirrored yours.

“Wha-” he paused. “Wait - “ Two pieces clicked in Poe’s brain.

But it didn’t matter, because you were already retreating, your steps quick and purposeful. You were fleeing back to the medbay and away from whatever was about to come out of Poe’s mouth. You couldn’t deal with it, not now and probably not ever.

You didn’t miss the way his eyes watched your hands before watching his own, his forehead creasing with confusion, then what you hoped wasn’t realization. You didn’t think your actions obvious, but if he felt the same pain you did, it was impossible not to notice.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, your mind spiraled. Poe called your name, your actual name, but you were too far gone and nothing short of the force would make you go back to him.

This time, your interaction with Poe Dameron didn’t end with emptying your guts in the refresher, but by entering your office and locking it.

Small victories.

_ 

thank you all so so so much for all the positive feedback and support!! i love it!!! i’ve gotten a couple requests for a tag list so if you’d like to me to create one / be added to it just send me a message! also, if i made a playlist for this, would y’all be interested? lmk! xoxo. 

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Title: The Secret History of Science

Author: Charles Seife

Rating: 3/5 stars

Despite some of Seife's obvious qualifications to write about science (an undergrad degree in biology and a master's in biochemistry), his book is very, very, very dumb. I don't think you will come away from it with a more accurate view of science, or a greater awareness of the scientific enterprise's failings or errors.

He opens his book with a discussion of evolution by natural selection, and, rather than try to come to any conclusions, simply talks in this style about a lot of things (like how it is hard to explain the process to someone who has never seen it) for a lot of pages, with no real sense of where his narrative is leading. He writes like a scientist would, in a way that gives the book a strong, sort of breezy -- if only in its self-assurance -- vibe (it is the sort of book that is supposed to go great on your IKEA bookshelf, for instance). But the tone is very broad and unacademic, and it doesn't really go to places that are very interesting.

The book is organized thematically around the concept of "bias," and this is one topic he treats extremely superficially -- or, sometimes, not at all. To some extent, this is in character with the breezy tone I mentioned above. Like so many writers, Seife finds that it is a very easy and popular thing to do to begin every chapter with a summary of the previous chapter's "central insight" (e.g. the fact that "we cannot be certain of anything, not even what we know"), and so you get this kind of meandering, "breezy" "science" stuff, without any real sense of direction or purpose, where the "central insight" just keeps popping up after every chapter and you are supposed to nod your head and say "of course, I knew that" in some half-remembered way. Or maybe you did nod your head in that way at some point but can't remember. But that's not how most scientists actually talk about their work.

(This is very much not the tone of the famous Richard Feynman's lectures on science, which are more like a series of lectures that tell you about a bunch of cool experiments and the results of doing them)

The "bias" is a general sort of thing that science is, well, biased towards. If it sounds as if you are getting into an argument over this point, you will be, but the idea here is that, because of the bias of science, we're all missing all kinds of cool stuff that's just there in plain view, because we can't look at everything. I'm sure you've all heard that. "The great man theory of history," etc.

It's easy to get carried away with this: just, say, think about the fact that when someone was once asked what the most famous mistake in Western history was, he said it was the one in which Newton -- supposedly the greatest genius of Western history -- predicted the orbits of the planets, yet did not know that the earth goes around the sun. (Seife gives a bunch of examples like this one, which are interesting and illustrate some of the "bias" points I'm going to talk about.)

Or, say, remember that "Darwin was wrong" type idea that's become popular on social media, and which Seife talks about at some length. If you think about it a bit, it's a really easy way to try to come up with a "counterexample" to some bias in science. What do we know about that guy? He predicted the existence of a fossil that didn't turn out to be a dinosaur after all -- isn't that a big counterexample? Well, the thing is, we don't know enough to have confidence in that counterexample either way. He could just have had it wrong and predicted a dinosaur, etc.

So you get this sort of argument, where one person says "Darwin said that because of bias, the theory of evolution doesn't work, and he was completely and totally wrong" and the other person says "yeah, I think Darwin was wrong because evolution doesn't actually work," and you can keep going in the same vein, because the theory isn't "inherited from Darwin" but it is based on ideas that all of us (or most of us) believe, so you can have an argument that is not about any individual's opinion but about the way science actually works.

To be clear, I don't think that Seife's book is a terrible or especially wrong book, or at least not one that I would expect people to read all the way through or get a lot out of. And I guess I'm glad he's trying to do this sort of book -- I'm sure it could be done well. Just, as it is written, there is very little to it that I would expect any given reader to come away with. For instance, I don't know that one will come away from the book more aware of the difficulties of scientific discovery, or aware of the dangers of some of the things that science can lead to.

(I mean, the main idea is about the dangers, but as it's written it is presented as mostly like talking about a certain sort of "bias," rather than pointing out things that we're wrong about that could have bad consequences. You could think about this in a more consequentialist way, but there's not much in the text that addresses that -- I guess at one point there's a bit of a mention of "The Bell Curve.")

[currentfandomkick]

Marinette did not sign up for this part 7

So i kind of live, and this continues on. 

first part here   previous part here      ao3 here 

             Stephanie twitched when she finished comparing financial resources needed to handle a covert operation, butterfly garden underground, AND manage to keep it secret from the rest of Paris. Cass checked her numbers and it became very apparent that only—and she stressed the only—someone insanely wealthy and is a recluse could be Hawkmoth. And in Paris, that meant one man—Gabriel Agreste.

             Cass was the one to narrow it down to him, and Steph argued with her about it being impossible as “He’s been akumatized!” Honestly, Cass was acting like the Ladyblogger who published one of her early ‘could be Hawkmoth’ theories with Gabriel Agreste as a option with “probably had Mayura as Hawkmoth in her place” argument. It was retracted, and there was a apology put up for it that included: this list was not intended to be serious guys—I put multiple known akuma victims here and ways they could have been Hawkmoth no matter how public the akumatazation was. Did not expect this one to be taken so seriously, my sincerest apologies to M. Agreste and Mm. Sancoeur.”

             Steph could smell the ‘I was forced to do this’ off the apology, and did her best not to agree with Cass that it was forced as then Cass would argue it was a serious accusation put in mixed with less serious ones to get people thinking. To get Ladyblog followers to take notes and pass it to Ladybug and Chat Noir for further investigation. Which, would be a good way to contact the heroes. Except…

             “She interviews the Miraculous team on a bi-weekly basis Cass, she’d have plenty of opportunities to tell them her theories.”

             Cass crossed her arms. While they might heavily disagree on this aspect of who Hawkmoth and Mayura are, there is another aspect that is held in contention between the two of them…

             “Plus, Hawkmoth and Mayura are totally a couple, and everyone knows Gabriel Agreste is too hung up on his wife’s disappearance to consider moving on, let alone do it.”

             “Professionals.”

             Stephanie rolled her eyes. Cass is good at body language. There is no doubt about her being better than most. However—Hawkmoth is an egomaniac. Egomaniacs don’t give up when their goal is in reach for a henchman getting ill or injured. Not unless said hench is, well, romantically involved with them. She knew from watching Gotham’s underbelly for years—their romantic relationship had to be rock solid for it to even be considered. Married or may-as-well-be.

             “He’s ended how many battles early for her? Totally bordering on, if not actually, married.”

             Stephanie paused when two girls joined them, the ladyblogger herself with a too big grin, and soup girl if Cass wasn’t mistaken.

             “Hawkmoth and Mayura relationship debate?” The blogger grinned.

             Stephanie nodded, as yes, and this is serious. “Cass is convinced they’re just professionals with standards.”

             Soup girl groaned. “Not this again!”

             “Girl, I told you, I’m not the only one who thinks they’re a couple, and serious.”

             Stephanie grinned as Cass huffed. A vote for Team Hawkyura!

             “I told you, Hawkmoth is too obsessed with the miraculous to be capable of human emotions, and Mayura is too smart to fall for him. He’s probably paying her a lot or cancelling out a debt for her to work for him how she is,” Soup girl reasoned.

             Stephanie shook her head while Cass rose victoriously, scooting a bit closer to her fellow ‘stop shipping the villains’ teammate. Which is ridiculous—it isn’t shipping if it isn’t even subtext at this point.

             “No, no,” the blogger leaned forward, settled into their table on Stephanie’s side. “That means the relationship would have to be healthy, and its perfect possible for it to extremely unhealthy and for Mayura to be in a bad relationship with someone who isn’t wroth her time. Why else would she keep using a broken miraculous that’s making her sick?”

             Stephanie nodded at the blogger’s side. “And abusive relationships can happen to anyone. Back in our home city,” Steph gestured between herself and Cass. “A top psychologist went villain because she was manipulated into thinking the guy just needed her love to fix him and fell into a life of crime and wanted to stay by the guy’s side regardless of how many times he hurt her.”

             Cass nodded at that, frowning at that. She wasn’t there for Harley Quinn, henchman of Joker. Stephanie was. She did see the aftermath and bits of Harley’s (ongoing) recovery.

             Soup girl shook her head. “Its not that, everyone knows the Peacock is emotions so she would know he’s toying with her. She would know she deserves better. She’s staying because of finances or blackmail or maybe even being able to fix something that’s unfixable.”

             Cass hummed in agreement. “Needs to survive.”

             Soup girl nodded. “There’s no motivator more powerful than that.”

             “Um, love,” Stephanie supplied. She may not be the best at all its forms, but loving gotham’s citizens enough to want to save them was part of what drove her to become Spoiler in the first place. Spite too, but that didn’t seem like the best thing to mention at the time.

             “Exactly,” the blogger passed Stephanie one of her cookies. “Love makes people do crazy things, or did you forget Hercules.”

             Soup girl looked exhausted at that, pinching her brow. “We agreed never to bring Disney logic into these arguments.”          

             “The quote is true—People do crazy things when they’re in love. And Mayura is in love with Hawkmoth, and he’s in love with her.”

             Soup girl rolled her eyes. “Then you’d have to give up the Gabriel and Natalie theory for good. He’s still in love with his wife, and he treats Natalie more like a tablet than a person. No way that’s how he’d treat someone he’s in love with.”

             “Are we forgetting how he treats you and Adrien?”

             Stephanie and Cass exchanged a look. Stephanie focused on soup girl then. Really looked at her. Tired, twitchy, all signs of needing and not getting a good night’s rest.

             “Okay, he goes way overboard with supervising and has control issues, I’m not saying he doesn’t, ever. But he doesn’t let me take commissions unless my grades are up there, hires tutors for me and Adrien regularly, and he’s let up on controlling who Adrien can be safely friendly with to avoid crazy fans ever since I joined.”

             “You joined, therefore are something he can control, and are therefore not going to endanger Adrien or Gabriel since it would hurt your career,” the blogger explained.

             “Sounds like Hawkmoth,” Stephanie added absently, then froze as Cass grinned at her. back track time, ASAP. “But it can’t be since the guy was akumatized.”

             Soup girl looked relieved at what Stephanie said. Though, thinks weren’t looking up much on that front. She might have Batgirl pay the man a visit… after hacking the girl’s schedule and Adrien’s and seeing how much this man really was trying to control them both.

             Cass raised an eyebrow at her.

             “Thank you—can you get Alya off that train too?”

             The blogger leveled Stephanie a look that reminded her too much of Lois Lane that time she tried to interview the Batfam on Gotham crime rates and the effectiveness of vigilantes in a city that was entrenched in corruption and if it was better to just gut the Gotham justice system and start anew with different training and such, to prevent villain strength and intensity escalation. In short—she scared Stephanie. Just a little.

             “I think maybe Lois Lane could, but I doubt it.”

             “Lois Lane is the hero the world is not good enough for and her word is worth more than all of Metropolis.”

             “Not that hard to achieve,” Stephanie said without thinking. There is a lot of property damage there after all, they just have a more white collar-exclusive criminal element. Plus, Lex keeps his bigger projects in other places that are harder for Superman to find.

             Soup girl snorted at that.

             The blogger took offense.

             Stephanie would say all-in-all, not her worst time out on a mission doing detective work in broad daylight.

--

             Marinette was quick to transform into Multimouse and meet up with Rena in the Lourve. It wasn’t the first time either—Alix’s dad took to helping her translate Gaurdian since she hadn’t learned it all before Fu died. Besides her, he was the only one who could read the spell book… though that reduced the miraculous grimoire to nothing but the potions. It held the history of the kwami, how to summon and bind them, and even how to craft weapons for them. It included instructions on how to become a Guardian and what was required of her the sole guardian, and how the Order operated with mentions of ways it could be reformed should it ever vanish.

             It was the closest thing Marinette had to a mentor on how to re-build the Order and choose members, and how to make the best choices as Guardian. It even listed allied organizations and how much stock should be put into trusting them.

             But right now, she wasn’t there as Ladybug to go over another passage or talk about possible meaning and philosophies (did they really mean her job is to kill to protect the miraculous, or like, be that ready to ensure they remained safe?) or the whole “is the soul splitting a metaphor or actual magic” (magic). No, she was there as Multimouse, with Rena Rouge, as representatives of the Miraculous Team to meet up with the Amazonian Historian sent by The Former Ladybug, Hippolyta.

             “Greetings Alwphekion,” the woman nodded at Rena. “Muidion,” she acknowledged Multimouse. “I am Vupyte of Themyscira, and our leading historian on the miraculous. How may I be of assistance, young Champions?”

             Multimouse stepped forward, forgetting she wasn’t Ladybug at the moment. This question had been burning in her mind since she was told of the missing pair. “Could you tell us how the ladybug and black cat miraculous would interact with the main five if it wasn’t for Hawkmoth?”

             Rena glanced at Multimouse, knowing that something was off. It was possible Marinette may be more involved intellectually than she’d been letting on… though given her unofficial spy-work, it was possible that Marinette was Ladybug’s first choice in help… which lead to questions Rena had to keep silent… until Hawkmoth was defeated.

             “Ah, that is both simple and complex. If you wouldn’t mind,” Vupyte gestured for the pair to sit with her. “I was expecting something like that to come from Alwphekion, not you Muidion.”

             Multimouse would have been flustered a few years ago. Hell, even a few month ago, before Fu was compromised, she would have panicked a bit. But right now?

             “Ladybug tasked me to get any information to help her rebuild the Order. I won’t fail her.” She couldn’t fail the kwami. Especially Tikki who never gave up on her, even when Marinette was ready to throw in the towel a hundred times over and give her miraculous to Alya—the brave one she once had to mimic to handle being Ladybug.

             “Ah.” Vupyte leaned back. “No wonder there’s such a storm in your eyes.”

             Multimouse didn’t know how to handle that, so she brushed it aside.

             Rena put a hand on her knee and squeezed.

             Multimouse was glad she wasn’t alone in this.

             “That story goes back far beyond when my people interacted with the miraculous. Perhaps I could have a figure you trust help me digitize my research on the history in full for your Ladybug?”

             Multimouse nodded. That… “Director Kubdel was vetted by Ladybug previously for his discretion and understanding of how sensitive the miraculous and miraculous matters are.”

             Vupyte agreed to use the man at a later date. “For now, I can give you an overview of how the work together.”

             “That would be sufficient.” Multimouse did her best to copy M. Agreste’s professional affect. To hide how out of her depths she was at the moment.

             Vupyte grinned. “First off, The Savior, your Ladybug, has the role of creation. Her role in the group is to guide them to growth, to safety. She is your strategist in battle and the team’s healer. You know this already. She is the only one able to undo the Destroyer—your Chat Noir’s—abilities. However, she can only undo his damage so long as she believes it needs her intervention. Should she find his judgement—and his punishments for those violating the contract between those under the Miraculous’ protection, the Order, Champion and Kwami—be just, she cannot undo what he did.”

             Multimouse felt her heart seize. Plagg mentioned the Atlantians tried to convince a Fox into destroying a rival kingdom, a kingdom that was not doing as the Atlantians’ claimed. When the Fox refused… Plagg never said what happened after that.

             She knew only a third of the Atlantian’s survived the sinking from what they’d released to the public about their history.

             “A ladybug is given all the creative force that exists between her and her black cat, while the cat is given all the ability to detect danger. Half of each of their souls are swapped to ensure this ability switch remains, and that their bond is unbreakable so long as they are called on as Champions. The cat protects her from harm, and she supplies him with what is needed. They are only ever called on in times of absolute crisis—when the Contract is violated, or when the world’s balance is nearing a breaking point.”

             Rena was too still by Multimouse, piecing things together. Multimouse hoped she didn’t pass this on to the others… not until Marinette was certain they were safe to remain in the Order and that they want to be in it—that they don’t feel obligated to out of duty but truly want to protect the kwami. Even if it means never being a hero again.

             “The turtle shields them both—the Cat in battle and the ladybug when healing. They can even bring forth another weapon, though what it is, there is no record that we have found reliable.”

             Multimouse raised an eyebrow.

             “Shelter?”

             The Amazonian shook her head. “No Muidion, something else entirely… the incomplete records I found mentioned people being pulled to the turtle, feeling absolute safety and complete trust in them no matter what happened around them. What causes this, is unknown.”

             Multimouse felt the need to roll her eyes. she was fairly certain it was a cross between ‘must parent them all’ and the turtle’s capacity to ensure nothing broke Shelter. Possibly making it opaque, or something else. She’d ask Wayzz when Nino was asleep.

“Often the turtle focuses on getting civilians out of the area to safety. They are often aided by the Peacock, who creates a creature from a single emotion and ties it to an object, to direct its actions. The turtle protects those in danger with their shelter while the peacock’s creation and the peacock keep enemy combatants busy.

             “The butterfly may check for spies among their ranks, potential traitors too by their emotions but that is often another’s role. They often connect members across distances with those outside of their ranks, acting as a diplomat and choosing new members. At times, they might even make use of their full ability and create a champion of their own, granting them the power to make an army to help the cat while following the ladybug’s plan, or to test a possible candidate’s worth by seeing what they do when given power, and how it is used while having the failsafe of taking it away again.

             “The bee tends to fight beside the Cat, at times ordering the butterfly’s champion should their connection fail, and is ready to take down said champion should they betray the group with a single sting. The bee answers to the ladybug and cat alone—following the pair’s vision and ensuring it is executed whenever one or both of the pair is absent.

             “Then there is the fox, like you Alwphekion. I assume you have grown fond of your ally,” Vupyte gestured to Rena’s flute. “They let you craft any illusion you want. But I doubt you were told of the true power of the fox.”

             Multimouse shifted at that. “The Gaurdian was young when their temple was destroyed. I doubt they hid it intentionally.”

             Vupyte paused at that. “I did not mean it like that Muidion, simply that the Fox is given little emphansis by the Order to the point it was given a dishonorable title for their champions to inherit, the Deceiver,” Vupyte spat the title like sour milk. “Alwphekion is the one who sees all in their truth, through every lie one has spoken or believed. A fox is not a crafter of fallacy, merely presenting what one feels or desires. Their greatest gift is in their true voice, the one that none can lie or withhold information upon being addressed by it.”

             Rena leaned forward, focusing on Vupyte. “How?”

             Vupyte sighed. “The records of that were destroyed in Alexandria’s flames. It is a power a fox can only use with great conviction and motivation. Until then, they can only sense deceptions in shades while the truth rings of their own melody according to legend.”

             Rena stared at her lap.

             Multimouse put a hand on her arm. “We’ll figure it out.”

             Rena leaned into the touch then, sighing. “I have a question of my own, if you don’t mind.”

             “Certainly I do not,” Vupyte assured. “I am here to help the Miraculous Champions however I am allowed by you. I owe your predecessors more than I could ever repay.”

             Rena nodded at that. “What are the chances a butterfly user could make themself a champion?”

             Vupyte opened and closed her mouth, lips pressing and pursing until she found words to her liking. “It is not impossible for them to do so. They would have to drop their transformation to do so, which would prevent proper guidance, and would need to give themself a very limited power.”

             Rena took a deep breath.

             Multimouse took a sharp intake. That changed the rules. A lot.

             “So, hypotethetically, if one’s power could only affect a specified amount of things at a time, say, put into a given space and then whatever new thing was put in was then ejected from said space,” Rena continued, “would that be a feasible power for a butterfly’s champion to use without a butterfly guiding them?”

             Multimouse felt her stomach drop at Vupyte’s hesitance.

             “That is… rather specific.” Vupyte pondered it for a moment more. “While I can’t be certain of the logisitics, it is one of the safest abilities to give in those circumstances. Tight limitations, a weak ability that lacks army-growing capacity, so no need to use the butterfly champion to connect their chosen champion to their subjects, and it is straight forward so no need for an explanation, or perhaps the lack of one would make their reaction to discovering this limit more genuine.”

             Multimouse felt sick.

             Things aligned quickly in her head. Finances. Schedules. Timing. Targets of preference—teens at Dupont where Adrien goes and is able to talk about his day to either Natalie or Gorilla, who would report it back to him. Even Adrien’s concerns for them—weaknesses, insecurities, fears…

             It made too much sense.

             Multimouse stood up. “I have to go, excuse me.”

             Rena gawked at her. “Wait, Mul—”

             Multimouse ran out quickly, running to an alley to detransform and get Tikki to get her head on straight as Marinette spiraled.

             Gabriel Agreste couldn’t be Hawkmoth.

             He couldn’t be.

--

             Outside the alley, Tim, Cass and Stephanie froze as the girl Tim was convinced was Ladybug appeared. She was in a grey suit before.

--

             Rena looked back at Vupyte, hoping her girl got the air she needed. She knew Marinette would come around eventually, but for now…

             “One moment.”

             Alya sent off a quick text to Aurore. The girl was good at keeping Marinette distracted, out of a spiral, and helping her process.

             Aurore confirmed she found Marinette in an alley bordering on a panic attack and was taking her home.

             Rena sighed in relief.

             “Okay, now that that’s settled, there’s something you didn’t spill.”

             Vupyte smiled at Rena. “You are a clever Alwphekion.”

             Rena raised an eyebrow.

             Vupyte sighed. “A ladybug and black cat take the longest to mature in their team. It is no fault of their own; a side effect of half of their being being doubled and the other being taken. Of the two, Ladybug requires the longest time to come into her own as a strategist and healer.”

             Rena snorted at that. “Have you seen Ladybug?”

             Vupyte sucked in her breath through her teeth. “I have.”

             Rena watched her more intensely then.

             “She is not even out of her training suit, while the rest of yours have become personalized, implying that you are not being overtaken by your role. That you have blended with your kwami and role, rather than be consumed by it.”

             Rena froze at that.

             “What do you mean be consumed by it.” it didn’t come out like a question, it fell out like doubt defending fear.

             “Ladybugs fill in any holes in their group. Right now you are missing two, and one is injured,” Vupyte noted.

             Rena filled in the blanks. “Until we get a Butterfly and fix the Peacock, Ladybug isn’t really Ladybug, is she?”

             Vupyte sighed. “She is a child trying to run a home alone until they are both present as allies.”

             Rena frowned at that. “Then why isn’t Chat affected?”

             Vupyte looked far older then. “Have you not noticed that he can only extend and shorten his staff?”

             Rena opened her mouth, only for no words to come out.

             “He should be able to turn his weapon into whatever hand-held weapon he desires at that moment to protect your team. He cannot fulfill his role as Judge and Protector proper. He may be his own person within his transformation and within the team, but he lack his full range. Ladybug has her full range of abilities, but lacks her individuality as a Ladybug proper. Her team is incomplete, so she must continue to cover and cover and cover until it is complete with all five of her strongest allies at her side. Until then, whoever is under the mask will give and give and give until there is nothing left.”

             Rena swallowed thickly. “How do I stop that?”

             Vupyte leveled Rena with a few words. “Find Hawkmoth and Mayura, take their miraculous, and once the miraculous is fixed, hand them to worthy champions—ones who are strong judges of others for the butterfly, and of who is in need for the peacock.”

             Rena felt her mind waver to Rose for the peacock—the girl who fought for everyone. She was blanking on a butterfly though—a strong judge of character was hard to think of as a core characteristic of someone she knew she could trust.

             “You have one in mind,” Vupyte said quietly. “Good. You will have to find another for the other, or an ally of yours must find candidates. The sooner this is determined, the sooner your Ladybug will come into her own. The only other way… would be dangerous.”

             Rena nodded. She texted Chat and Carapace to meet her to talk about what she learned. They’d protect Ladybug. Their Leader. Paris’ Savior. And their friend.

--

             Aurore is many things. Miss Sting is a necessity to keep Paris safe. Aurore of the weather girl duo on KIDZ+. Miss Mandeliev’s favorite to call on for environmental studies and among Bustier’s favorite to read a well researched report. She is also one of poor Marinette’s longest standing friends, and one of the only people who can catch her mid attack and get her to pull out of and process her spiral without setting off a different bout of anxiety.

              Which is why she captured the akuma in a jar, hid it in her backpack until Chat or LAdybug could handle it, and nabbed her friend in the first place when Alya messaged her. She is not on the best of terms with the reporter (she might be holding a grudge over Lady Wifi calling her a hack and may have gone on a spree fact checking the Ladyblog in the early days and found holes on a Certain Person who has been since excommunicated by the students of Dupont and left the school in disgrace within a less than a week of attending). Especially since she insisted on being Mairnette’s best friend when Marinette has her already. honestly, the other never has been the best at seeing the obvious…

             Like the fact that Marinette’s anxiety up ticked with Ladybug’s issues. Or that around the time Chat Noir took on being Mr. Bug, Marinette was injured. OR that Chat hangs around Marinette a lot when Marinette is around an attack, even covering for her.

             Aurore dealth in meteorology and environmental sciences. She dealth with public appearances, PR, and being a child star. It is not her place to point out that Marinette is clearly (a) Chat and Ladybug’s confidant somehow, (b) a member of the team (c) Ladybug or some combination thereof. She didn’t want to make a call, she didn’t have evidence to back it up, and she didn’t run on intuition like Alya.

             Aurore is a Bee, and they operate best within rules.

             Ladybug made not looking into identities a rule. One she’s certain Rena has been ignoring… but Miss Sting follows Ladybug’s word to the letter. She has not looked into anyone’s identity and actively ignored any possible relveations in favor of working on her civilian life and focusing on capturing akuma before someone becomes akumatized, and bringing her catches to Ladybug or Chat for purification or destruction respectfully. Depending on how schedules lined up for patrols.

             Now, Aurore is content listening to Marinette ramble about baking soda and baking powder with buttermilk on her latest recipe and how that connects to their chemistry homework (as they were both smart enough to dodge the math that goes into physics, unlike Adrien or Nino and Rose who were naïve enough to take music theory).

             That doesn’t stop her from seeing faint movement on their school roof in reflections.

             Ladybug may not have made it a rule to protect Marinette. Chat may not have stated such either, but his actions told her it was a priority. And her duties as Marinette’s longest unstrained friendship demanded she monitor the situation.

             Once Marinette went down for snacks, aurore snuck into her friend’s bathroom and transformed to send a single message” I think Chat’s princess has a stalker now. Keep an eye on repeats in her environment.”

--

             Pegasus was furious when he saw the message. Cowboy was hacking camera in the area as they spoke with the other members of the team.

             Rena paled and Carapace looked oddly dangerous in that moment.

             Chat Noir and Ryuuko were the most deadly of the group… Chat’s suit almost… moving, but it had to be a trick of the light. Ryuuko had the same look Rena did when Carapace did something particularly dangerous—like refuse to flee before his time ran out and somehow stayed transformed beyond the standard five minutes after using shelter through sheer force of will alone.

             Ryuuko turned to Chat with a most Peculiar shade of anger. “I will be shadowing her.”

             It was not a question, but a demand.

             “Shouldn’t we check with Ladybug?” Pegasus asked while continuing to check camera. Nothing. Nothing at all.

             This must have been what was setting his friend on edge these last few days. Someone stalking her, but just out of a camera’s reach. Professional…

             Pegasus desperately hoped it was some paparazzi after Marinette the Designer’s secret identity, or even MDC. Anything but someone going after her for something… something he wouldn’t let cross his mind.

             Chat shot him one look that obliterated the option entirely. Pegasus may not know who his comrades are outside of the mask, but he’d be a fool not to remember that Marinette was a spy on Gabriel Agreste. That she was in constant danger as a civilian.

             Was it Hawkmoth?

             Mayura?

             Someone they hired?

             He didn’t know, and he needed to. Needed to protect his friend.

             She believed in him when he wasn’t sure of himself. She argued against his worst insecurities (nuisance, annoyance, best left forgotten) and proved she likes Max for Max. For his rambles, for his excitement and passion and his own brand of sass to their friends.

             King Monkey appeared with a rare serious expression. He didn’t know of Marinette’s involvement at all—only Chat, Ladybug, Alya and himself did—but King must know Marinette. Because that look on his face reminded Max of a friend he’d seen punch someone a little too hard for their hand to keep Max safe from a pair ready to hurt him for his mumbling as a child.

             “Whoever is doing this,” King Monkey stated with an eerily calm. “I’m calling the right to make their life a bit too chaotic.”

             “Get in line,” Rena growled, her flute ready at a moment’s notice.

--

             Elsewhere three gothamites were passed out in the same room. They decided to take a break and watch a movie together.

             They had no idea the Very Displeased eldest of the batchildren had entered the room and forced them each in a separate bed, or that he allowed a certain “demon spawn” to add a variety of traps that, while they all knew how to escape at this point, were still ass to get out of and made it clear they were in hot water.

--

             Jason hoped things worked out for the best… after his screw up, he figured Dickie and Demon Spawn should at least have a fighting chance. Or at least Nightwing would have a better chance at convincing the Justice League and the Miraculous Team they meant no harm.

             He hopes.

--- 

hope you enjoyed!

BTW we have fanart by @thegreysman!!! here which tumblr is rudely not letting me show off. 

@heldtogetherbysafetypins @laurcad123 @raisuke06 @chaosace@jeminiikrystal @toodaloo-kangaroo @kris-pines04 @bisha43rbs @izang

[graffitiskies]

━♡ guess the 26 year old july baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because jeon yooseul is just as wild as the month of july. wait, why do they remind me of bae suji? beyond that, they seemed audacious and impartial upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of stormful and brusque though. i hope they get acquainted here in complex #3 / apartment #0722 / floor # 2 ; she seems to have a lot going on with her job as a rideshare driver.

tw: missing persons

hey everyone!!!! ;u; i’m so glad to be joining you at this ungodly hour (it’s literally after 4am here SMH!!) but hey when the muse hits you IT HITS YOU LIKE A CINDERBLOCK and i for one love when i get a weird burst of sudden muse for a new character hehe :> anyways, that character would be jeon yooseul, a somewhat asocial rideshare driver who’s been living at dallyeog for about a year now :0 pretty much all the info i have for her is below, but in case you’d rather not read a big stretch of text all together, here’s some individual page links: x, x & x :)

profile / stats basic

full name - jeon yooseul nickname/s - yoo, yoojwi ( from her aunt due to her quiet nature ) age - twenty six dob - 07/22/1994 gender identity - cis female orientation/s - pansexual / demiromantic blood type - o born - gyeonggi-do, south korea  grew up - pohang, south korea nationality - korean occupation: rideshare driver languages: korean, conversational japanese, very basic english

personality

label - the thunderstorm traits - audacious, stormful, impartial, brusque, enigmatic, aloof aesthetics - long drives with no destination, concealed crying fits, lonely shadow puppets on the wall in the waning sun, wind and raindrops in your hair, smudged lip balm, beat up messenger bags, the jingling of keys, continental drift, being left on read western horoscope - cancer chinese zodiac - dog alignment - chaotic neutral mbti - the logician ( intp-t ) enneagram - the philosopher ( 5w4 ) disc type - the architect ( Dc )

appearance

fc - bae su-ji ( bae suzy ) hair - deep brown and usually worn naturally, with little effort put in. eye color - black build - slender clothing style - simple, aimless - lots of blacks, earth tones and neutrals. owns a few leather jackets. piercings - both ears in multiple places tattoos - a small heart on her left ring finger, a heart topped with a cross on lower part of the back of her neck

familial ties

mother - jeon hyesun ( status unknown ) father - jeon soonil ( status unknown ) siblings - younger brother jeon yoohwan ( 20, currently in university ) aunt - im darae ( 49, living in pohang ) uncle - im jongho ( 52, living in pohang )

biography

yooseul was born in the muggy, oppressive heat of july to two very kind, yet very naive people. they were both young; barely 19 when they had yooseul, and were in no position to take care of a child. however, they still took on the challenge, as it was simply the kind of people they were.

while the pair meant well, they were always leaving yooseul with her aunt and uncle before traipsing off on another adventure. they loved traveling the world doing all kinds of thrilling, but reckless activities. climbing infamous mountain peaks, visiting the sites of active volcanos, boating down the amazon river with scarce supplies. the little girl would overhear pieces of arguments between her aunt & uncle and her parents. yooseul’s aunt and uncle tended to look out for her even more than her parents did, and were adamant that all the traveling was actively harming yooseul’s development. her mother and father remained steadfast that their daughter wouldn’t even remember this stretch of her life, due to how young she was.

when yooseul’s brother was born, everyone was a bit hopeful that yooseul’s parents would slow down with their jet-setting lifestyle, but if anything, it seemed to kick them into high gear. it was as though having a second child made them feel as though the clock were ticking on their lives, and off they were again on another adrenaline rush.

as yooseul grew enough to truly comprehend and lament her parents’ absence, it was only then that they seemed to finally understand the effect they were having. then again, anyone would probably start listening when their young child is on their knees, begging and crying with an intensity of someone’s whose heart was truly breaking. the trips slowed to a crawl and became every once in a while, rather than every other weekend. yooseul grew passive about them by age seven, as they were so infrequent, so when her parents told her they’d be going on a hiking trip to the south korean evergreen forests, she honestly didn’t think much of it.

she hadn’t seen her aunt and uncle in months, and she and her brother could fly kites in their spacious garden. it was a handful of positives, or so yooseul thought. ( tw begins here ) the days stretched on at their house, and it seemed to be taking a bit longer for her parents to return than she’d anticipated. she could tell something may have been wrong by the hushed conversations her aunt and uncle had, coupled with teary phone calls to people that yooseul couldn’t seem to make out.

she learned the truth while eavesdropping on a news story about her parents; apparently they had gone out hiking as planned, but they had never returned back to the hotel they were staying at. several searches had been conducted in the forest, but only scant, inconclusive traces of the couple were found.

as she was just a child, yooseul knew only hope. her parents would come back one day. why wouldn’t they? they’d been hiking before. they knew what they were doing. days turned into months, and optimism turned into doubt. the evergreen forests were so large and covered so much ground - and who knew if they were even still in there?

( end of tw ) her aunt and uncle did what they could for her and her brother, as the two had gained custody of the children due to their frequent care of them. while her brother was able to develop at a relatively normal pace, yooseul withdrew inside of herself for the most part. the hope she had once known had shifted into stinging pessimism. she loved the family she had left of course, but she was terrible at opening up about what she was feeling, and she was so reluctant for people to see any weakness in her. she had to be the strong one, and it was so much easier to be strong when you let emotions roll off your back entirely.

yooseul had difficult focusing on the things that went on around her, especially in school. she never really made socializing a priority, and her grades were abysmal. it was honestly a wonder that she graduated at all, but her aunt and uncle didn’t want her to be without a secondary diploma, so they refused to let her fall back irretrievably far.

trying to enter the workforce was even worse. she’d sworn off university, and all the small trade jobs she got never seemed to last more than a couple of months, mostly due to her lack of interest. she simply drifted from one meaningless wad of money to the next, either saving it up in a jar for goals she didn’t have or slipping it into her aunt’s purse when she’d refuse to take it directly.

having no prospects might have seemed like a downer of a life to live, but yooseul didn’t really think of things in those terms - she was solely focused on existing in whatever moment she was in and doing whatever she wanted to do. after her aunt and uncle surprised her with a fairly nice kia k8 (as they knew it was something she’d never buy for herself), she leaned into late night drives for comfort. there was something about being alone, feeling the wind ruffling through your hair, some mindless song on the radio recorded solely to push false emotions, watching the lines on the road come at you like knives when you push the limits of the car’s engine. it felt free.

after hearing word of a new rideshare app launching from her uncle, yooseul decided to apply to be a driver. she had nothing else going on at the moment, and those late night drives she enjoyed so much could actually make her some money.

she’s been doing it for a few years now and enjoys it as much as yooseul can enjoy something. the social aspect of it can be a bit awkward, so she loves nothing more than when her passenger keeps their face locked on their phone in silence. she’s since moved out of her aunt and uncle’s place and intro her own apartment at dallyeog. she figured it was finally time to move on, as her brother was now entering college and hadn’t really needed any help taking care of for some time now. maybe, deep down, she’d stuck around so long for sentimental reasons, but she’d never ever admit that.

wanted connections ( first come first serve )

anniversary of an uninteresting event ( open ) - yooseul never talks about it, but y/m saw the story about her parents on some exploitative talk show where they launched a ton of conspiracy theories about what happened. you want to set the record straight, but she doesn’t really wanna hear it.

be quiet and drive ( open ) - y/m orders a ride from yooseul with no set destination in mind. they’ve just had a really awful day and want to zoom through the city towards the sunset without looking back. lucky for them, that is just yooseul’s vibe.

needles and pins ( open ) - y/m and yooseul knew eachother before she moved into dallyeog, possibly even dating back to childhood. they actually know her better than most of the people she’s around now, which makes her mighty uncomfortable. she feels as if they hold some sort of key to a past she thought she’d locked away forever.

cherry waves ( open ) - nobody knows how y/m and yooseul came together, but every time they come into contact, they both immediately lose themselves. sitting on the beaches of busan with a bottle of whiskey, tiptoeing on the edge of dallyeog’s rooftop hand in hand, or ending up a tangled mess of flushed skin and kiss-swollen lips in the back of yooseul’s car; wherever they are, time doesn’t seem to exist.

battle axe ( open ) - yooseul can be a little abrasive when she’s irritated, and maybe that’s why y/m likes pushing her buttons so much. maybe they just like to challenge her attitude of not caring about anything. 

passenger ( open ) - somehow, every time y/m orders from the rideshare app, they end up with yooseul as their driver. it’s not that she doesn’t get them there safely and on time, but she can be...rather scary. maybe all it would take is a few conversations, and they’d see she’s not so bad, and maybe even bump up her rating to three stars?

hole in the earth ( open ) - yooseul did the unthinkable when she and y/m were together a few years ago: she actually opened up. she told them things she never thought she’d tell anyone, and y/m didn’t really understand the weight of that decision for her, betraying her trust. seeing y/m again now is just reopening old wounds and pouring on the salt.

digital bath ( open ) - for whatever reason, it is way easier for yooseul to have lengthier conversations over texts, snaps and other various digital means of communication. perhaps it’s not having to see the person’s reaction in real-time and therefor not having to process any of her own emotions. y/m is one of the only people who actually indulges her on this, and now they have become somewhat friendly as a result.

this is all i have for the moment, but i am v enthusiastic about brainstorming things based on chemistry and character traits or of course scooping up one of your open plots! 

[coolnerdyandalone]

 ‘To Be So Lonely’ is literally the saddest and loudest Larry song and here’s why

First of all, all of this was fueled by this post on tiktok by @finelinemegs (thats her tiktok handle idk if she’s on tumblr or anything) so the credit really goes to her.

Ok so basically the groundbreaking realization that she unveils is how the background guitar trilling is supposed to be mimicking the phone line ringing when you’re calling someone and waiting to leave a voicemail - and really once you hear that, it’s all over.

The theory is, when the guitar is trilling in the background, imagine that as the voicemail being left by a drunk Louis during a fight right? (probably a pretty big one by the looks of it but we’ll get to that later). When the guitar is not trilling in the background, that’s what Harry’s feeling as he’s listening to the voicemail (if you’ve ever gotten a drunk VM from an ex [or anyone you were in a fight with really] you know the feeling of mentally responding to whatever they’re saying as you’re listening to the VM for the first time - H has done a really good job capturing that whole rollercoaster of emotions here)

[additionally, the reason we know its a vm that he received and not left for someone is because who the hell would remember the content of a drunken voicemail that they left for someone well enough to write a whole song about it, using what appears to be a lot of direct quotes? Not me that’s for sure, I can hardly remember the content of the voicemails I leave for people when I’m sober, but maybe that’s just a me problem]

Knowing this, the lyric “And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch who can't admit when he's sorry” makes SO much more sense, and it makes INFINITELY more sense why Harry thinks it’s SO hilarious that that is the line that everyone’s obsessed with and giggles almost every time he sings it (see here, here, here, here, and I’m sure plenty more times but it’s late and I need to get up early tomorrow). AND knowing that he’s the recipient of the voicemail that that line seems to be a direct quote from, we KNOW at the VERY LEAST that the voicemail was left by a man because we know Harry’s not the type to change pronouns just for the sake of singing it from the “right POV” (girl crush? juice? anyone? anyways).

So now that we’ve established that TBSL is a voicemail and response between Harry and Louis, lets get into the nitty gritty of the lyrics shall we? (we shall)

Don't blame me for fallin' I was just a little boy

Right off the bat we’ve got a reference to the x factor days. Even without being all 💙💚about it, who else could it be about? Who else would have had a relationship with since that person was a little boy? (or if you’re not past Harry saying at the Forum performance “why is it that when you think i’m calling myself an ‘arrogant son of a bitch’ that you sing the loudest?” and you think he’s singing it from his POV as the caller, who has he been in a relationship since he was a little boy?) The answer is Louis. It’s always Lou (hehe) 

Don't blame the drunk caller Wasn't ready for it all You can't blame me, darling Not even a little bit I was away

And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch Who can't admit when he's sorry

Next, we establish the POV of the caller (we’ve pretty much established this to be Louis right? or do I need to prove it further? no? ok good) aka associate the trilling of the guitar “line ringing” with the caller, and the absence of the guitar “line ringing” as something else. Then you have wasn’t ready for it all which is strangely reminiscent of what is said in too young, which we KNOW is written from Louis’ perspective about falling someone when you’re too young (perhaps just a little boy anyone?). Then there’s i was away - a reference to the strain of distance being the issue in the relationship? which is a common theme from songs/interviews from the early one direction days up to now. 

Don't call me "baby" again You got your reasons I know that you're tryna be friends I know you mean it But don't call me "baby" again It's hard for me to go home and be so lonely

Next we have the entire tone shift of the song that suggests we’re switching from the caller to the recipient of the VM. You have the initial reaction of anger followed by the exacerbation of someone who’s been through this argument too many times already with someone who they’re very intimate with - they call the recipient “baby” multiple times but clearly the recipient (I’m just gonna say Harry and Louis from now on I know y’all get the picture) is not in the mood for pet names. Pet names, by the way, that we know Harry and Louis use with each other. Next we have the line that truly breaks my heart: we all know the association Larry have with the term home and everything it means to them (and if you don’t here’s an incredibly detailed post which has been posted on the @larryreceiptsproof blog as well as my own humble analysis just of the song here). Harry saying “its hard for me to go home and be so lonely” is HEARTBREAKING and has the same exact vibes as always you’s “I went from LAX to Heathrow, walked through my door, but it felt nothing like home, 'cause you're not home, waiting to wrap your legs around me”

I just hope you see me In a little better light Do you think it's easy Being of the jealous kind? 'Cause I miss the shape of your lips Your wit It's just a trick And this is it, so I'm sorry

This part is *chef’s kiss*. First of all, during the instrumental before the lyrics start (here) you hear the lighting of the match and then the flame being blown out in the background VERY faintly and then that’s followed by “i just hope you see me in a little better light”?? The SYMBOLISM!!! Does him blowing out the match/flame/light mean that his response is going to be that there’s no chance at Harry seeing Louis in a better light after what he’s done? Is it just him trying to bring attention to that line?? For what purpose?? why??? Next we have a reference to jealousy that we ALL know is a VERY common theme in the Larry discourse (if you don’t know, pls see this vid originally by @freddiesmyqueen ) Then we get to the shape of your lips which! we know Harry has VERY unique and pluSH lips (thank you to @dreamboaths for supplying most of those posts). The “your wit, its just a trick” line does confuse me a bit because Louis is generally known as the wittier one, but we do know that Harry does have his knack for stand up and maybe it being a ‘trick’ is a reference to its more of something he hides behind or something he can use to hide his true emotions?

Anyways the rest of the song continues on repeating the same lyrics I’ve already analyzed so no need for me to be redundant. BUT if anything, this will probably change the entire way you listen to this song and for that I apologize because I really used to be able to listen to it and not even think and now I’m probably gonna cry every time.

[honey-makki]

A little birdie tells me you want to do some sort of alphabet, if so could I please request one for akaashi💖💖 (need some new daydreaming material).

A is for Adventure: something they haven’t done but have always wanted to

He really wants to ride on a motorcycle. He thinks the wind pressing against him and his clothes flapping around is the closest he could ever get to flying. That being said he TERRIFIED of having to drive a motorcycle and doesn’t know anyone with one. So for now he will live out his dream by just driving around with his windows perpetually down.

B is for Butterflies: How they act when they’re nervous

He is so polite. Quiet, clean and always uses honorifics even if he normally wouldn’t. He is essentially trying to shrink into himself and be forgotten about. He doesn't like to cause any problems so he cleans up after himself and excuses him as soon as it's appropriate. I don’t see him fidgeting, rather just being super stiff and looking down. He can maintain a conversation but it feels forced. If he's trying to push through it more than normal he can make conversation better, but he stutters (which in turn makes him blush) and then he's a little fidgety. 

C is for Crush: what is it like when they have a crush? How do they know/act?

Follow up on the last part. He's gonna be nervous but he knows he needs to talk to them and make his presence known even if he is nervous. His hand is probably gonna be glued to the back of his head/neck. He might seem to be a shade or two darker when interacting with you but goddamnit is he gonna talk. Probably goes and reevaluates his life after you leave and like stands in the corner with his head against the wall (same)

D is for Date: describe an ideal date for them

He loves window shopping with you. He stays trapped inside for his job a lot and just going out able to stretch his legs is a relief, and if you are in tow it's infinitely better. He's the type of man who can make grocery shopping fun and a date. His favorite thing is walking with you to a nearby park for an afternoon picnic or just stargazing. You love to tease him that the stars are hard to see because of the city lights and he always gets embarrassed. He just loves laying with you in a comfortable silence so let it slide because let’s be real, you love it too

E is for Essential: what is one thing they could NEVER go without

Water bottle. He bought an expensive sturdy glass water bottle when he first entered college to both remind him to drink water to be hydrated (he gets killer migraines if he isn’t) and also to hopefully discourage him from buying coffee all the time. He is positive he would have drank himself to death either with a caffeine overdose or end of term celebrations without his trusty water bottle reminding him to drink some water.

F is for Favorite: a favorite anything- food, place, smell, book, etc.

His favorite thing in the whole world is a glass of fresh orange juice during the sunrise. Yes, he has a caffeine addiction, but he saves that for when he is fully starting his day. He loves to just take in the wonder of the world and life itself before he thinks about the actual day ahead. Looking at birds chirping or people starting their day and walking through the city while he's still in his frumpy pajamas and housecoat waking up slowly.  It's the one thing he would never be able to give up in his routine. (if you made him switch to apple juice he could probably do it, but he wouldn’t be happy about it.)

G is for Giggle: how they laugh/what makes them laugh

His laugh is quiet. It almost sounds like he’s always trying to muffle it, and maybe he is, because on the rare occasion when you land a really good joke, or he’s just so exhausted, a deep, deep, hearty laugh echoes out of his gut. The sound doesn’t even look like it should come from him but the way his face flushes the most subtle shade of pink when he realizes how loud he was makes it all uniquely Keiji. You can’t get enough.

H is for Holding Hands: Do they like holding hands? Are their hands warm or cold? Pinky promises?

Cold, clammy hands. You theorize he might have anemia just based on how cold he runs and you can tell that he is self-conscious about his hands. He loves to hold your hands in theory but rarely initiates it because he thinks it must be a little gross since they are a little sweaty. He instead links a finger with yours when walking, pinkies held rather than full hands. 

I is for Inside Joke: something they do that everyone thinks is funny but they don’t understand

Your freshman history class was the bane of your existence and subsequently, Akaashi’s since he helped you study and listened to you complain. After a very very long night, you both decided to take a nap before morning classes instead of pulling an all-nighter. In his exhausted state he said “goodnight, queen mary of scots” and promptly passed out. Now you both say farewell to each other as royalty. “See ya later, Princess Diana.” or “I brought you a glass of water, King George, good night!” No one else knows why and frankly it wasn’t even that funny but you don’t think you could stop if you wanted to at this point.

J is for Jinx: Are they Superstitious?

He isn’t superstitious but he also isn’t willing to push his luck. Like he doesn't believe in ghosts but he doesn’t do anything intentionally to upset them. He just doesn’t see the point in pushing his luck on something he thinks is so inconsequential. The most superstitious thing he does is just walking through his apartment every night checking all the windows/doors but that's mostly because he watches way too much true crime tv. He also is able to be convinced to play with an ouija board but only when he's trashed. Will NOT play one of the summoning games like bloody mary. 

K is for Kiss: how do they kiss?

Keiji is an attentive kisser. He wasn’t bad at first and he wasn't good either. It was a pleasant but fairly neutral experience. Every time after was better and better as he saw what made you tick. He can lead but if you want to that’s fine too. If you want him to hold you close and steady or run his hands across your body, he can do both. He’s attentive and flexible, meeting your needs with ease once he learns your tells. His favorite is slow and sensual kissing in bed though when early morning kisses lingering just a touch too long.

L is for Love Language: what is their love language? How do they give and how would they like to receive love?

Akaashi is best at giving words of affirmation, but if you struggle to accept that he's going to immediately fall back into acts of service, because hey, actions speak louder than words right? He always sends you a motivational message before your tough labs or work shifts, reminding you of how strong and smart you are before an exam, or bringing you a coffee and pastry when you’ve been cooped up studying for hours on end. He doesn’t receive words of affirmation well but they mean the most to him, even if he won’t admit that he goes to sleep thinking about whatever pet name you called him earlier that day. You would guess that physical touch is his love language. He finds solace in knowing you are there. It doesn’t have to be a big touch, but he's significantly happier if you are both on the couch and your legs are on his lap, even if it leaves him in a more uncomfortable position. 

M is for Meant to be: how/when they know someone is “the one”

You buy him his favorite book. That’s how the idea that you are the one really starts swimming around. You knew he had a favorite copy of his book, but when you saw this decorative hardback or signed copy you had to get it. Whenever he is working you bring him a black tea but a green tea when he's done. You know green tea is his favorite, but you don’t want him to start associating it with something stressful, so unless he requests it, you save it for the happier times. It's a simple thing, to know his two favorite teas, but to treat something so insignificant in this fashion makes him realize how he really can’t imagine his life without you anymore.

N is for Nickname: a nickname they would have or their favorite thing to be called

He loves being called traditional names. Dear, love, sweetheart. He calls you them as well but he likes to find ones that make you blush so he has a rotating cast of names that also include doll, princess, angel, sweet pea.  His favorite one is beautiful. He once wrote you a poem about how the definition of beautiful has ever been changed by your kindness and care for the world, and since then whenever you hear that you know exactly what he is implying and you melt. He loves it.

O is for Organization: are they clean or messy?

Yes. common areas are pretty clean! Doesn’t like to vacuum often and can be a little slow on the dishes but he always has time set aside to do the cleaning. His room though…. Man, that shit is MESSY! But like the type of mess where you can’t see a single part of his desk but you can tell that he has it set up so he is getting the most out of every inch. His laundry is sometimes done but isn't on the floor, he just has two laundry baskets (one clean and one dirty) and *also* a separate chair that is definitely not there just so he can put semi-clean clothes there and is very much for sitting. Just as his cat who has claimed it as their own.

P is for Pet Peeve: What’s something they absolutely CAN’T stand?

Resistance to change or growth. He gets that it’s scary but does understand for the life of him the ability to find comfort in stagnation. He is always growing and learning and changing and being a better version of himself and the fact that some people are ok not doing that leaves him feeling weird. A good example of this is when people don't accept he didn't know something or were wrong in an argument. Being wrong or uninformed isn't a bad thing, but choosing to stay there is. 

Q is for Quiet: What do they do for peace of mind

I think in high school he took up meditation before games and if stress is high they revert back to a long morning guided meditation and any small ones that they might need in the middle of the day to make him at ease. He also just goes out on his balcony or opens his window and just closes his eyes. The sound of the city and the smell of wet pavement intermingling with street food is a constant comfort and always manages to ground him

R is for Rainy Day: Do they like rain? What about storms? How would they spend a rainy day?

WET! PAVEMENT! SMELL! PETRICHOR!!!! If he had the option, he would be on his balcony with you, a green tea, and a book. Listening to the city bustle despite the sky’s resistance and finding respite from the rain in his book. The steaming green tea you brewed for the two of you bringing you just the touch of warmth you needed to be comfortable in the cooler weather. And you. He has everything he needs. 

S is for Soft: Describe their softest feature

His skin is so soft. All of his skin, but ever since you made him take up a bare-bones skincare routine, it’s almost insulting how his skin is almost expelling a light radiant glow. Even when it’s marred by a pimple or his deep sleep circles, his skin is still soft, rivaling an angel. He doesn’t like you touching his face that much outside of the comfort of his bed and sleepy morning touches, but it’s ok because his arms are just as soft under your touch.

T is for Telephone: are they a talker or a texter? How often do they use their phone?

Keiji is one of those people who does actually like to talk on the phone. If he's just sending you an update on his eta or something simple he will text, but with his job, it's easier for him to just close his office door, put you on speaker, and continue working. Often it reminds you of how you would talk to each other on the phone every night in high school. Your animated conversations slowly squashed by sleep until you are left fighting off sleep just to spend another second with each other. 

U is for Unique: a random quirk they have

He has to brush his teeth before and after breakfast. It stems from childhood not knowing if he would have time to eat every morning but still needing to have clean teeth. He’s probably never needed to see a dentist in his life because he also flosses every night. ok almost every night. 

V is for Valentine: Are they the type to celebrate or not?

no but yes. He doesn’t believe in Valentine’s day and being forced to make grand gestures once a year. He believes you should show your partner love daily and do larger showings or dates when you feel personally inclined, not because of societal influence. He knows it’s a capitalistic scheme but if you would be upset by not doing something, he will make sure to make a nice home-cooked dinner (it's great but only because he’s been practicing all week and eating his bad first, second etc. tries) and get an expensive bottle of wine. He does want you to feel loved but he hopes you always feel like that. (if y’all decided to not celebrate he still does a big date around valentines though just to remind you how important you are to him) 

W is for Wholesome: something extremely pure about them that makes you just *uwu*

He got y’all promise rings when you graduated high school. He had a whole speech about how he was 100% confident he was going to marry you but wants to have a steady income and life to support you before proposing. He wears his on his ring finger and plays with it absentmindedly while zoning out with a tiny smile on his lips. Yours is on a chain around your neck just long enough so it falls next to your heart. He always kisses it when he kisses down your body, a reminder his promise is still as true as ever.

X is for Xenia: How they would entertain a guest/show hospitality

He must have a sixth sense that someone is coming over because he always just happens to be brewing some tea or throwing a pot of coffee on. Even if you swing by randomly on your lunch break he’s always prepared. (And if he is coming to yours, he always brings two things at least. A bottle of water because he knows how easy it is to forget to hydrate, and one of your go-to beverages.) He also keeps his living room very homey and comforting with blankets, candles, and lamps. Just somewhere people don’t feel bad about intruding into. A comforting safe space. 

Y is for Youth: A fond childhood memory they have

Akaashi always loved reading and knew people wrote books but he didn’t do too well at creative writing so he knew he couldn’t. He figured he would always be stuck doing the reading as a consumer and find a job as something else, but when someone else moved in next door when he was 8 it changed. This person was a publisher, and during a dinner, Akaashi’s parents invited them to, Akaashi ended up badgering them with any information they had about the writing world. That summer they opened up Akaashi’s eyes to the different types of jobs, in different genres and styles. Anytime he feels overwhelmed at work he thinks back to that summer where he learned that he could help writers with their works and make the experience of reading a book even better. His eyes were filled with stars then and they still are now. 

Z is for Zzz: Sleep habits. Do they cuddle in their sleep? Talk? What do they dream about?

Akaashi needs to be either cradled up in someone’s arms or holding someone in his to fall asleep. He just gets so cold and having someone flush against him is what gets him to fall over the edge. You probably wake up with your head on his chest or legs still intertwined. He doesn't snore but is a very heavy breather. The only time you heard him snore was when he got pneumonia last year and he had the cutest tiniest snores you’d ever heard. He has dreams frequently but never remembers them. They are actually normally nightmares and when you see him crying your heart breaks but he's fairly unaffected other than a potential headache since he doesn't recall any of it. he has a secret dream journal for the tiny bits he does remember and he wants to write a series of spooky short stories one day with them as inspiration

a/n: @keijiskitten hope you also enjoy this. thanks for sprinting w me <333333333

[jaehyunspeachparty]

The rejection - the first fight (a/m)

“Did you had a threesome before?” You didn’t know why you asked him this. You had just read an article where a woman reported about it and how she liked it. You never really asked or thought about it, but somehow you had to think about it now. Of course not with Jaehyun, you didn't want to share him with anyone. But in general. How would that feel? "Why do you ask this?" Jaehyun was just out of the shower. He dried his hair with a towel and, to your surprise, he reacted rather tense. Actually, you just asked the question in the room, but now you became curious. "Oh my god!!!! You already had a threesome." Your eyes grew big and you sit up excited. Jaehyun was still visibly annoyed by the subject and he turned his back to you to put on something more comfortable. "Hm was it with a woman and a man?" You knew he wouldn't answer, but this question left him too cold. "No, you're not the type for this combination. You look good, you can sing. Getting two girls in bed is certainly not difficult for you." You couldn't stop making theories because it was all incredibly interesting. "Y/N, can we leave the topic now?" He came to you in bed and lay down next to you. "Come on, say it. Yes or no." With your fingers, you peck against his upper arm and visibly annoy him. He sighed and his eyes were really angry for a moment. "Yes, I had. But that was a while ago and now I only just want to sleep with you." He then rolled away from you and closed his eyes. You knew you annoyed him a bit, but you didn't expect such a strong reaction. But before you could say anything, Jungwoo came into the room and also went to bed. But the topic kept you busy until you finally fell asleep.

Everything around you was so bright and the only thing that appeared in color was Jaehyun. You were naked and your bodies were close together. You feel your breasts on his chest and he looked at you as if there were you the only person in the world. When you kissed, it was as if all your desires had been fulfilled. But then you feel someone touch your back and kiss your neck. "You look so incredibly good." It was Doyoung standing behind you and you look at Jaehyun who nodded in agreement. The three of you then sink to the floor with your head on Doyoung's thigh. Jaehyun started to spread your legs carefully. He started licking your hot cor while he jerked himself. Your whole body vibrated and you start to moan. But then Doyoung took his cock and pressed his tip against your lips. You open your mouth and start blowing him. When you pressed your lips tightly around his cock, Doyoung threw his head back and groaned. "Your mouth is incredible," he moaned and you increased your pace. "Shit, I have to feel you too now." Jaehyun also couldn't stand it for a second and he took his cock and pushed it into you. When Jaehyun started fucking you, you found it more and more difficult to concentrate on Doyoung's cock, but he still wanted to feel you. He put your head from his thigh to the floor so that you lay completely on your back. Jaehyun didn't pause and continued to fuck you hard. Then Doyoung leaned over you and began to fuck your mouth. It was all a lot, but somehow also good and since Jaehyun knew how to take you, you were shortly before your climax...

You wake up sweaty. Your breath was heavy and looked at Jaehyun, who slept soundly. The dream was intense and you didn't know what to think. Somehow it seemed so real to you. Jaehyun was still asleep and after the strange conversation the night before, you wanted to let him sleep. But you couldn't lie in that bed anymore. You had to get your mind clear again. So you got up and went to the kitchen. It was 5:30 am and it was very quiet in the dorm. You try to make yourself a coffee quietly. All the time, the dream never came out of your head and you were so incredibly horny. It was like watching good porn, just a lot more intense. It was like you really experienced it. "What do you think of?" You startle from the male voice and suddenly Doyoung stood in front of you. "I'm sorry I scared you." He laughed and started making breakfast. "All right, I didn't think anyone was up so early." You smile uncertainly but can hardly look him in the eye. Doyoung now had blonde hair and he looked incredibly good. "You're right. But I have a shooting and I have to go in half an hour." However, he tried to make eye contact. "Things are going well with Jaehyun?" The question came from Doyoung a bit surprising and didn't make your situation any better. "Yes, it's great." You smile and look at him for the first time. But it was really strange. The thing between you and Jaehyun went on for a few weeks now and it was like a fairy tale. You were on cloud 7 and you never wanted to get off of it. "How long have you been in a relationship now?" Doyoung took his plate and sat next to you. "Well, I don't know. So we didn't officially say it ..." You turn your mug unsafe and somehow you got nervous. Maybe it was because of last night. "Oh ..." Doyoung didn't say more and that didn't make you happy. "What?" You wanted to know what he thought, after all, he knew Jaehyun. "No, it will be different with you." He tried to smile encouragingly and started eating breakfast. "Doyoung? What do you mean?" You were getting nervous and you wanted to know what he was thinking. "Jaehyun is my friend, I don't want to say anything against him or his lifestyle. But I like you Y/N and I don't want you to get hurt." He sighed and sipped his tea. You bob your foot nervously and eagerly await his next words. "But there were a lot of girls like you sitting here. They all thought that they were in a relationship with him. However, he already had the next one in bed. I mean he looks good, the girls are crazy about him." Doyoung shrugged and you can't believe what you're hearing. You stared at your coffee and didn't know how to react. "But maybe it's different with you." He smiled and patted you on the shoulder. Then he got up and put his things away while you see the door of Jaehyun's room opening. "Hey, why are you awake already?" He gave you a quick hug and kissed you gently on the cheek. Doyoung went out of the kitchen again and you were alone with Jaehyun. "I had a strange dream." You look down at your cup thoughtfully and turn it back and forth. "A nightmare?" Jaehyun asked and started to make a coffee too. It kind of annoyed you that he pretended that you had this conversation yesterday. "No, you can't say that." You sigh and Jaehyun understood that you didn't want to talk about it anymore. "Jaehyun?" What Doyoung kept you were very busy. Did you just imagine a relationship with Jaehyun? "Hmm?" You can hear his humming while he is looking for something to eat. "What is this between us?" Your heart was pounding like crazy and you were torn inside. You had to address it, otherwise, you wouldn't have a quiet minute. But Jaehyun leaned against the counter and sighed. "Is that because of yesterday?" He was annoyed again and you wonder; Is this your first argument? And will it be your last one too? "No Jaehyun, I just noticed that we never spoke about it." You look at him and you don't know how to react. "Y/N ... I don't know ..." He sighed and stared at you. You give him a few seconds, but he didn't say more. "You know what? That answer is enough for me." You get up and put your things together. "Wait Y/N, please stay. Can we talk in peace?" Jaehyun ran after you, but you were tired of listening to his excuses. Doyoung was right, you were just one girl out of many for him. Why should you be different? "Y/N. Please, I want to explain everything to you." He tried to run after you for a while, but you were quick and you were out of the apartment complex.

Jaehyun tried to reach you continuously for the next two days. But you had to think about it all. The next day when a beautiful bouquet of peonies stood at your door, you did get a little soft. Maybe you should listen to what he had to say. But you wouldn't be able to call him until the evening because there was a lot of work to do that day. You could watch a big event company that organizes a huge K-Pop festival. Chun was the organizer and you accompany him that day. So there was a lot to learn. You knew Jaehyun was not there because only SuperM was signed in from SM Entertainment. That makes it much easier for you. The event took place more in the south of Korea and not in Seoul, so you had to sleep in a hotel. You arrive by train in the morning and check-in straight away so that you could start as soon as possible.

Chen was super nice, he showed you everything in peace and you could learn a lot. It was interesting to look behind the scenes, but it was also very tiring. "Do you need a break?" A few hours had passed, but you didn't want to miss anything. "No, everything is fine." You smile, but your feet still hurt because of the many running back and forth. "But I need one. Wait, you can take a break by the girls for sure." Chen knocked on the door and you see the sign "Blackpink". "Do you always take a break with idols?" You look at the sign in confusion but Chen grinned. "No, but Blackpink's manager is my wife." He went into the room, but there were only Rose and Jisoo in the room. "Isn't my love here?" Chen looked around and searched for his wife. "No, I think she's looking for you at the stage." Jisoo smiled and then looked back at her phone. "Can I leave Y/N with you in the meantime? She works in an event agency that cooperates with SM and she looks at everything." Chen pushed you into the room while he was almost out again. "Sure, no problem." Rose smiled gently and you shyly went forward. "Sorry, I really don't want to bother you." When Chen was outside, you carefully sit down on a chair. "No, no problem at all." Jisoo smiled again and turned to you. "You work for SM?" Rose asked and all of her attention was now on you. You nod and when you wanted to say something, the door suddenly opened. „He is also here!“ Lisa ran excited into the room, waving her hands in front of Rose’s face. „What should I do? Should I do something? Should I speak to him?“ Rose barely moved but looked at her friend. „Ask Y/N! Chen said that she works for SM, maybe she helps you.“ Jisoo looked at you and you froze for a moment. You think about who it could be. It could only be someone from SuperM, as they also had a performance at the festival. "Would you help me?" Rose took a step towards you and looked at you with her big eyes. "I don’t know, I only know the guys from NCT. If I ask someone from another group, it might be looked weird." You put your phone aside and wait to see what happens. Actually, the situation was a little uncomfortable, but you would always help when it comes to love. "Oh that's perfect, he's from NCT." Rose raised her hands and ran across the room. As she continues to search for something, you start thinking about who it might be. You didn’t think it was Ten, Mark is too young. Taeyong or Lucas. Probably Lucas. He looked good, was funny and they would fit well together. You could picture them as a couple. Rose finally found a note and she wrote something on it. She folds it carefully and takes a deep breath before handing it to you. "Can you give it to Jaehyun?" Rose smiled and you could see how excited she was. At that moment your heart stopped beating. You could hardly react to her, but you try your best to cover your emotions. „J-Jae-Jaehyun? I didn’t know he was here." You wanted to make once again sure if she really meant him. "Apparently he is hosting with Johnny parts of the show. I didn’t know it either." Rose chuckled and turned excitedly to Lisa, who just nodded reassuringly. "You know what? I'll go now.“ You try to smile, but you could feel your fingertips go numb. "If Chen comes over, tell him I went for a little walk." You take your bag and look at Rose, who nodded understandably. “Thank you so much Y/N. This is so sweet and kind of you.” You try to laugh again, but in reality you would just throw the note against her. But you press the paper firmly between your hands and went out of the room. After closing the door, you lean against the wall and open the note. The bed feels so empty without you, Jaehyun. The last time was not long ago, but I need you again. I have a room for myself, maybe you want to visit me tonight. My hotel room number is 404, I'll leave it open at 10 pm. xx Rose... From one moment to the other you could feel everything again. The feeling of a knife stab shot through your heart and you felt again the pain. You thought you could trust him. But now you stood there and tears rolled over your face because he had something with another girl. You couldn’t go in this emotional state to him. He shouldn’t see you so weak.

You run to the next bathroom and locked yourself up for a few minutes. Tears rolled down your cheeks and you try to suppress your sobs. It hurt so incredibly to be replaced. After you've cried for a while, you slowly recollected yourself. You looked in the mirror and try to drain your tears with tissues enough so that your makeup doesn’t blur. "Fuck." You look in the mirror and try to breathe deeply. That was not easy for you. But you had to go through it, it didn’t helped in the end. You walked out of the bathroom and wandered down the hallway. You didn’t know if Jaehyun was in the same mask as SuperM, so you read every board carefully. Your heartbeat was still high and you keep trying to breathe in and out. And then you already found the sign saying „J.J., J.S., SuperM." You knock and open the door cautiously. This room was also pretty deserted. It was only Baekhyun and Mark in the room, with Mark sleeping on the couch. "Hey, do you know where Jaehyun is?" You ask Baekhyun, who is studying you. "Do we know each other?" He looked at you in amazement, but somehow he looked really cute. "I organized SM's Christmas party. Probably because of that." You smile but you always hold the piece of paper firmly in your hand. "Ah probably because of that." He smiled broadly, but he hadn't answered your question. "Ehm…Where's Jaehyun?" You ask again. Baekhyun's eyes widened and he laughed. "Sorry, I forgot your question. He gets something to eat with Johnny at the buffet." He grinned, you thanked him and ran fast out of the room, so you could see Jaehyun as soon as possible. While you run down the hall, you don't hear your surroundings. Your pulse was pounding loudly in your ears and your heart was beating wildly against your chest. Your whole body ached and you just wanted to break down on the floor. The buffet was bigger than expected, but after all, they have to take care of all the idols and employees. That's why it took a while for you to find Jaehyun. You go straight to him and stand behind Johnny, who was sitting opposite him. "Y/N!" He looked at you in surprise and Johnny turned to you too. "I think I'll leave you two alone." Johnny smiled, took his food and got up. Apparently, Jaehyun had told him that it was difficult between you right now. You sit down in the place where Johnny was sitting and cling to the note. "Hey, did you get the peonies?" He smiled slightly, but you are fighting with your tears. You don't answer his question, but push the piece of paper over to him. "Rose told me to give it to you." Your voice trembled and your whole body started to twitch. Jaehyun opened the folded note and read the lines. He sighed and put the paper aside. "Have you read it?" He knew you could read Hangul well and you knew you shouldn't have read it, but you admit it. "Yes." It was so quiet your voice, but Jaehyun understood you. He grabbed his forehead and looked desperately into the void. "There's nothing between me and Rose now." He sighed and looked into your eyes and somehow his eyes were so serious that you thought for a moment that he was honest. But before you could say anything, Chen was suddenly with you. "Come on Y/N, we have work to do." He smiled and patted your shoulder. You look at Jaehyun again and got up without a word.

Jaehyun tried to speak to you again and again, but you continue to ignore his messages and calls. But you couldn't sleep that night. Your heart was broken and you look at the ceiling of your hotel room. It was 2 am and you had to get up in a few hours. You look at your phone and swipe through the messages Jaehyun sent you. You didn't know if it was loneliness or you wanted to listen to him. That's why you type: "Are you still awake?" You were surprised to see the three dots that showed that he was writing something too and a YES came back a few seconds later. "Will you come to me?" You didn't know why you were doing this, but you miss Jaehyun, you want it to be as it was before. 

It only took a minute when there was a knock on the door and Jaehyun was in your room. You sit in bed and look at each other. "Y/N ... I don't know where to start." He sighed and rubbed his hair. You look at him but couldn't say anything. It was quiet between you for a while and you saw Jaehyun struggling with his words. "When I was with Suji ... No ... I mean ... Okay, wait. Let's start this a few days ago." He took a deep breath and you look at him intently. "Okay, I've had some sexual experiences. They are no longer relevant to me now and I didn't want to talk about them because you thought I was a "fuckboy" for so long. I don't want you to think bad of me." Jaehyun's gaze dropped to his arm and he starts to play with the fabric of his sweatpants. But then he suddenly looked up. "The next day you asked me about our relationship status. I know we never talked about it, but I thought it was clear between us. I was going to address it anyway. There is a place where you can rent rooftop tents where there you can grill, eat and spend the evening. I made reservations there days ago for the next weekend and I wanted to talk to you about our relationship there. I know it sounds cheesy but I wanted to look at the stars with you, sing you a love song and confess my affection to you. When you asked me in the kitchen, I didn't rethink our relationship, I thought about if I should tell you my surprise." Jaehyun sighed and you look at him with wide eyes. You didn't expect that. "Jaehyun ..." You breathe his name and your body no longer knows how to react. "And that with Rose ... Yes, I had something with her. You remember when I told you at our first meeting that I was making mistakes. That was what I meant. I cheated on Suji a few times with Rose. But that between us is purely physical. I don't care anymore. Since I've known you, it is only you." He looks deep into your eyes and you were completely captivated by his gaze for a while. You don't notice tears running down your cheeks and you didn't know how to put all your thoughts in order. "But Rose has feelings for you and I don't know if I can all handle it. You are so popular with girls and I will never have you for me alone." You wouldn't know if you could get your jealousy under control if you know that Jaehyun is always confronted by super beautiful idols which starts flirting with him. At some point, you would break. "But for me, there is only you." Jaehyun leaned a little further forward and you can hear the desperation in his voice. "I have to think about it all. I have to think about that with us." You wipe away your tears and look at him. He was frozen but respected your decision. It was quiet between you for a while, but then Jaehyun leaned his body more to you. "Can I stay with you the night? I don't want to be alone now." His look was so sad and desperate that you couldn't say no. But you were feeling the same because you didn't want to be alone either. "Okay," you whisper softly and you two go to bed. You turn to the side and turn off the light. But your heart was still racing and somehow you still had to cry. Jaehyun heard your sob and he simply risked it. He put his arm around you and hugged you tightly. With its warmth and fragrance on you, you could finally sleep.

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