sammysshadowself

[sammysshadowself]

The past two days have been very eye opening. First off, shout out to Lemon for the gay bash. Let me take you guys through the timeline.

We had this week off for thanksgiving. I spent Monday morning experimenting with the Darkworld. I can’t enter the Darkworld from anywhere else but the school it seems, though, from the Darkworld school, there is nowhere else to go. It’s a flat and barren landscape except for the huge emerald spire. Axel, Elen, and I attempted to enter the Spire, only to be blocked off by an intricate, thin, but sturdy fence. The fence was a thin interwoven facade of emerald and jade, similar to a angular chain link fence, except the holes were too small to comfortably climb.

On the way back to the Darkworld School, I saw something odd; a carriage. I walked to it, branching from the group. By the time I touched it, I called out to the group, but I already found myself inside of it. It was a blur from touch to entry, a familiar blur. Inside of the carriage sat a familiar, long nosed man sitting next to a growling cage.

“Welcome to the Velvet Room. We meet again, trickster.” I was taken aback. Until now, this was just a dream. Now, I was fully in it, sitting on a wooden bench as the horses pulled me away. That’s why the blur was so familiar; there was a blur between the bells here and my alarm in the real world. I asked him what this place was and what was happening. I’ll try to remember his monologue as best as possible.

“I am Igor, a benevolent entity that assists in mankind’s future. I am the ruler of the Velvet room, a room that you can only enter if you’re under a contract.” I thought of what contract I was under. There was the housing contract that allowed me my own apartment, but I got the feeling that it was he OTHER contract I was under.

My mom was killed in a fatal hit and run. My has always been a sore subject to my mom so I never really got to know anything about him. I’m supposed to be living here for a year before I can inherit the house. THAT’S the contract, I assume, that Igor is referring to.

One might be very freaked the fuck out at this point, with new gods referencing something you haven’t told anyone. However, I have already seen two people psychologically unwind in front of me in an alternate reality that was based off of human cognition and thought. That is to say, I can handle it.

“I am here to awaken you to your two special powers as a trickster. The first one is the bonds you form with your confidants. These shall be the primary source of power that will guide you through the Darkworld, as you call it. Spend your year strengthening the bonds between classmates, friends, elders, and confidants. These will empower the personas you create.”

As I understand it now, he was right. I can and do spend time with certain people, creating genuine binds with them. I believe you people call it “making friends.” That being said, I have an edge; I can see who is and isn’t immediately important in this confidant business. Through faint traces of Darkworld energy, I am almost see between the lines, like peeking through the blinds of reality to see everyone’s bigger place in this. Oddly enough, they align with the major arcana.

“Your second ability is that to create new personas. Each person can only have one persona, one true self, but the trickster is different. You are able to carry multiple personas, each of which corresponding to a different confidant. That is to say, creating a persona of a confidant you have a deep bind with will create a stronger persona. That is why your bonds with your confidants is crucial; they are the power you wield in the Darkworld.”

At that moment, it clicked. My worldly bonds will be the enervation and power standing behind me in the Darkworld. With this explanation, I only nodded, understanding it fully.

“I’m glad you understand. That is my true purpose here, to facilitate your growth through the real world and the Darkworld. I bid you farewell, and good luck as you traverse the two sides of the same coin.”

At that moment, I could hear a vaguely male voice whisper something to me in the back of my mind.

“I am thou, thou art I. Thou hast acquired a new vow. It shall empower your every movement through the dark. With the birth of the Fool confidant, you shall now be ready to brave the leap of faith, no matter where you land. 1/10”

With nothing else to do, I thank Igor and step out of the Velvet room. To the outside observer, I.e Elen and Axel, I was standing still in a daze but for only a moment. They asked if I was okay, which I just said “yeah, I’m good. I just haven’t eaten today.”

To that, we decided to leave. Our detective work was done, as we decided to explore that weird principal office door tomorrow. Back to the real world.

That day, I spent my time talking to Virginia over the phone. Turns out, I can call them! Their voice is an autogenerated voice however, which makes sense. We talked about our mutual deal, something that had concerned me. Essentially, they wanted Elen, Axel, and I to go to the top of the spire, something that could only be done slowly, one province at a time. They feel that the person who rules over the spire is the one who sacrificed them years ago.

They talked more about their memory, or rather, lacktherof. They know that they were sacrificed for one reason or another, their body was desecrated, and their soul lived on in the Darkworld. They can’t fight, as they don’t have a persona, which they explained is the only way a shadow can be killed (no persona = no combat capabilities in the Darkworld.)

With that new bit of information and a deal in mind, heard a familiar voice in the back of my head.

“I am Thou, thou art I. Thou hast acquired a new vow. It shall empower your every movement through the dark. With the birth of the Magician arcana, the secrets of the dark itself may be learned. 1/10.”

With that, I opted to just chill for a bit and study in my room. One of my teachers is a huge dick apparently and has assigned “breakwork,” something he promised to do every school break. It’s just math and shit, literally busywork.

The next day was set for us: Enter the Darkworld, investigate the door, don’t die.

We did just that. The three of us entered and were immediately greeted with ankle high water, muddy grounds, and willow trees. Altogether, a swamp was behind that door. In the distance, under the water, a checkerboard pattern was formed in the mud. Under our feet, there was no such pattern. After fussing about how gross this was, we heard the faint sound of groaning. We cautiously follow it, finding a disgusting mass of slime, grit, and misshapen metal jewelry.

“This is.. Tamika?” Elen mumbled, pointing to the thing.

“Oh my god- IS that Tamika? With all of the jewelry?” They both took a step forward, observing it closer.

“Thats not Tamika, at least, not like you think. That’s what the ruler of this Province THINKS Tamika is, albeit, a bit dramatized. This province is a byproduct of stupor meeting his cognition; he’s given up, acting out of fear rather than hope. That’s how we are in his province.” That was Virginia, speaking while assembling themselves behind us in their usual galactic and shapeless form.

“So… that’s just what he THINKS of Tamika? That’s fucked up.” Elen said. Tamika, the slime, slid on, leaving a visible slime trail behind it in the mud. That is when something lurched towards us- a less disgusting blob of shadow with two red eyes.

“Who’s that supposed to be?” I asked, motioning to the thing. It let out a low growl.

“That’s a shadow- weapons ready!” Virginia yelled. With that, it melted into the ground, reshaping into a small pixie, fluttering a foot above the ground. Together, we fought this pixie, and for a pixie, that bitch could FIGHT! We also got a good idea of Elen’s persona’s combat capabilities. She could shoot out little blitz and flames and also smack a bitch UP with her cudgel. It was rough, that pixie had moves. On top of that, we’d fight multiple shadows throughout the swamp, taking the form of pixies, little incubi, and river spirits, all pertaining to folklore. After a lot of trudging, we found something; a fort.

In the willow trees and tall pines sat bridges and forts sitting high above the shallow water below. The bridges, one way or another, led to a central tower that was in the shape of a chess piece- a king. Glaring at this large escapade reminded me that this was inside of the principals office inside of the Darkworld. The three of us stared at the wall of bridges and huts, exhausted from many previous battles.

“Can we do this a different day? Please?” Axel asked, panting and holstering his gun.

“Conserving our energy would be the best course of action. “ Virginia recommended. Unanimously, we all left the Darkworld by doing the very meticulous process of thinking about leaving and then leaving.

We were exhausted and decided to go our separate ways. I went home, doing more homework to let the night slip me by. I actually finished this fuckass project I was doing about golfing plans on graphs.

The next day, yesterday, I was walking to the grocery store to pick up some groceries, as you do at a grocery store. There was a trans rights protest on the sidewalk in front of our school, which I had to pass by. It was being led by a woman in lots and lots of jewelry, jewlery that seemed awfully familiar. I stopped to listen in. The woman leading it was informing the crowd of students (people who go to my school) about the upcoming school board meeting and how it would carve the peramiters of transgender rights. I listened in and learned a couple scary things about our dear Province leader, Mr. Mondo. He was a scathing, almost comically evil Republican man who wants to revoke transgender safety policies.

This post is long enough so I’ll condense it; transgender rights are under attack at my school and this upcoming school board meeting on December 1st, our deadline. On top of that, the woman who was speaking had that familiar arcane feeling. I looked between the lines, seeing the faint shape of the Chariot on top of her head. I stayed until the protest was over, talking to her afterwards.

“Tamika, right?” I opened up with.

“Yeah, watcha need?” She asked, looking me in the eyes.

“What can I do to help?” With that question, we talked for what seemed like hours about trans rights, school, and oddly enough Ikea. At the end of it, I remembered that I was grocery shopping and asked her for her discord. I could feel a faint assimilation of a bond forming..

“I am thou, thou art I. Thou hast acquired a new vow. It shall empower your every movement through the dark. With the birth of the Chariot arcana, your inherent willpower will increase tenfold. 1/10”

I walked to the store and walked back, food prepping for the week. I also decided to make lunch for Axel tomorrow. I wanted to invite him over to talk about his fear.

Today, that happened. I don’t want to spill anymore of his personal details, but he has a nasty memory issue and a lot of mental issues. As we talked over the ramen I prepared, I got to know him a lot better. I felt like I understood him a bit more.

“I am thou, thou art I. Thou hast acquired a new vow. It shall empower your every move through the dark. With the birth of the Faith arcana, even the unknown can be tilt in your favor.”

He went home and I stayed home, completing my fuckass math project.

I’m in my bed now, looking over this post. This is a lot. I feel like, bit by bit, I understand this a bit better. This, being the Darkworld and the normal world. I’m excited and hopeful that we can do something about the world. If what we’re doing can actually help people, why shouldn’t we?

Goodnight, see you all tomorrow.

[sammysshadowself]

Okay, let’s get into it gang. I found some answers from a little textbot named Virginia. Today, I was going to add Axel and Elen into a gc to talk about wtf happened, but I notice that our numbers are already in one. I checked on it and it was us three and one other phone number that did not have an area code. I typed “hello?” And Virginia answered.

“Hi, I’m Virginia. I noticed your presence in the Darkworld, and I’d like to extend a mutual offer. Are you interested?”

Before I could type back, Elen typed:

“Is this about that thing that happened yesterday?”

“Yes, you entered the Darkworld and gained your persona. It is a process that I had gone through too. My name is Virginia and I’m in the Darkworld now.”

I typed back, “Wdym you’re in the Darkworld?”

“I’m trapped here. I don’t have a body, only a spirit bound by electric cables, transmitting itself from tower to tower, phone to phone.”

Axel: Edgy.

(I’m switching format for ease.)

Me: So tell us about this Darkworld. What are we doing?

Virginia: I don’t know. The last person who I felt enter the Darkworld was the same person who trapped me here… I wish I could remember.

Elen: How do we know this isn’t like some grand trick? What is that other world?

Virginia: The Darkworld has always been here, at least, it feels ancient. The structures in it, the shadows, the very air itself is familiar and congruent to the real world. There’s just a slight difference: Stupor.

Elen: Stupor?

Virginia: This world is meant to be a one to one conversion of the real world. Anything that isn’t a conversion is what I call Stupor. Enough Stupor in one area creates a Province.

Axel: So like anything that isn’t of our world is stupid

Axel: Stupor*

Virginia: Yeah. Essentially, the only difference between these two worlds would be the shadows inhabiting this one and humans inhabiting that one. But now, there’s so much stupor and so many provinces that I’m getting scared of what will happen if something isn’t done. Stupor isn’t good!

Me: So what do we do about it? And also didn’t you say you had a mutual deal or sumn?

Virginia: It seems your school is relatively untouched, but Stupor grows from the inside out. Was there anything inside your school that seemed weird or different?

Axel and I: The principals office.

Virginia: Then stupor is already there.

- Silence -

Virginia: Everyone has a shadow in the Darkworld. It’s essentially their stand in. If their shadow were to be overrun with a province, they’d be swamped with Stupor in the real world! A human mind can’t handle that much lethargy.

Elen: So there’s a correlation between the human mind and this other world?

Virginia: I think so. Each province has a ruler, someone who acts out of lethargy and fear instead of hope and drive. If this person were to be rooted out in the Darkworld, then maybe it’d return drive and hope to them in the real world. Whether that be a persona, or just their life changing.

Axel: So we should find these rulers and awaken them to their personas? What?

Virginia: Maybe. Is there anything at school thats happening that seems off? Maybe weird or sad, perhaps lazy?

Elen: Not that I can think of?

Me: What about all of those clubs closing and losing funding out of nowhere?

Axel: Are you saying that’s tied to this Stupor?

Virginia: It could be. Rooting out the stupor and whatnot would likely reverse these changes coming. When are they happening?

Axel: December 1st.

Virginia: We have until December 1st to overtake this Province and banish the Stupor.

There was silence in the group chat for a while.

Elen: I really don’t want to get all of the clubs I’m in shut down, but this is a lot to handle. How would we even go about this?

Virginia: We would go through this province and find the rulers shadow. From there, we just have to convince it to be a better person and that’s all.

Axel: Do we know who this Province ruler is? I’d assume Mr. Mondo (our principal.)

Virginia: That’s up to you. Meet me in the Darkworld tonight so we can talk.

Elen, Axel, and I agreed. For the day, I just did homework and studied, nothing crazy. Once night time rolled around, Elen told the gc that she was headed over. Axel and I followed suit, headed over to the school. We met up and exchanged the craziest looks anyone has ever given anyone else. We all talked about Virginia as we walked into the Darkworld.

Before us was a fog of light, vaguely held together in a humanoid form. There were tangible stars and galaxies, even Saturn existing within this foggy wisp of blue and purple light. We all looked at it before it spoke,

“I’m Virginia. Welcome to the Darkworld.”

We all stare at it for a second.

“So what do we do?” Elen asked, leaning on her cudgel.

“Where is the office you were talking about?”

We led Virginia to the office. It stopped in front of the door for a second, rhythmic gallows washing over their foggy constellations. The door asked for a password once again.

“We need one more thing; the fear. What is Mr. Mondo’s deepest fear?” Virginia Asked this white bluntly.

“Girl, I don’t know he’s 40-something. Balding? Dying? Like.?” Axel deflected.

“What about change?” I asked, a genuine jab in the dark.Ike that, the fog that had made a glass frame over the door dissipated into the sky, leaving us with an unlocked door. Everyone seemed impressed with me but I assured them that it was just a guess. Most people are afraid of change. The three of us smirked, feeling somewhat accomplished, even if we didn’t know what we were doing.

“So we’re gonna find Mr. Mondo in there? Or like- his shadow?” Elen aske.

“His shadow is somewhere in that Province. Unless you want your shadow to join him, we must clear this province by December 1st. I recommend we stop here today and regroup tomorrow when we’re fully prepared to deal with whatever may be in there.”

“Do we need to bring weapons? Armor? Is this some sort of like game?” Axel asked. “I already have a gun, so we should be cool?”

“Where’s you get that gun?” Elen asked.

“Where’s YOU get that cudgel?”

“True.”

I laughed as Virginia floated over to the three of us.

“The Stupor is still weak- you shouldn’t need much but those weapons and your personas. I’d bring something else- perhaps medical supplies- just in case.” This startled the three of us. In case of what? Upon more pressing, we got the truth.

When affected by this Province thing, shadows conform to the place, becoming mere monsters that inhabit the province. That is to say- there are monsters running around this province we need to enter. Axel and I were annoyed but we had both fought before so we weren’t too mad. Elen was mad, accusing Virginia of hiding that from us so we’d help her.

With that, we left and returned to the “real world.” We now had a mission and a deadline with a direction. It felt so official, like we had all of this power and the chance to finally put it to good, needed use.

I’m home now, typing this on my phone. I’m excited and also a bit scared. It reminds me of the Igor dream, which HAS to be linked to this somehow. The fool will use their natural drive and enervation to uncover a great secret. Well, the fool is getting some sleep. Goodnight guys :3

[sammysshadowself]

Okay, big news. This realm or dream is actually very real and has something to do with our brains. Let me explain; like I said earlier today in the comments, I was in school. (I go to school on Saturday’s for tutoring and library help- our school apparently has it as a free “come if you want help” day? Idk, but I haven’t heard of other schools doing that.)

Axel was there too, reading in the library. He was reading up on Nordic Mythology and I can guess why. I sat and talked with him about what had happened. The conversation can be summarized by confusion, theories, and then a disturbing realization: What did Alan see? Alan is the leader of the debate club and was usually in on Saturday’s to help out in the library. Axel was waiting for him and had not heard from him yet. And that’s when we got the idea that he may have also found this weird place that had almost killed us both. We had a moment of confusion on how to actually go to that place but we ultimately found a way:

- Leave the school

- Talk about the place while walking back into school

- you’re in.

When we walked into the school, I felt my hands wrap around something familiar- two hand sickles that I had used on Mímir before. I saw that Axel also had his handgun, a revolver. He held it in his hand, confused about it. I told him something like “I have a weapon too. Lucky, you got a gun.” We tried to laugh it off, ignoring the fact that this place was real and we were walking through it. We called out for Alan, eventually hearing him call back.

We ran towards him. He was outside the school in the backyard of the place, glaring at a tall emerald structure in the horizon. It was something out of an illustration from the darkest mind of the generation- a jade and green cataclysmic tower built off of a mountain. There were such dynamic and clashing building styles holding the obelisk of emerald up. Greek columns would hold up circus tents that stood across from green-tinged docks over a sea of mold colored water. At the very top of it all stood the emerald palace, a glistening mansion that had a very big 1960’s feel to it. Even from afar (VERY afar mind you,) the royalty that exudes from that palace is unforgettable.

Alan snapped to us, demanding an answer about this place. I could see the cracks in his mind forming, unable to comprehend this. I had an easy time digesting it (were already in some sort of mind dungeon.) We tried to explain it to him before we were cut off by another clone.

“Don’t get too close to me. You don’t want to catch what I have.”

That mangled voice was once again using one of my friends as a means to insult them. Behind Alan stood a clone of himself, those same yellow eyes glaring at the three of us. Alan fell silent.

“What? Can’t talk back? First at home and now here too?”

Alan took a step back, probably scared out of his mind.

“You haven’t told them yet? About how sick you are? Are you afraid of people knowing that you’re some sick weirdo?” The clone was an unmoving copy of Alan, sneering at Alan’s suffering.

“It’s not that-“ Alan tried to defend himself but was shushed by that disgusting voice.

“Then maybe it’s your family. Are you too scared to tell them that none of the pills have been working?” Alan started to get mad, or at least adding madness into the mixture of emotions he was feeling. Axel and I didn’t know what to do, we were frozen up. Axel turned to me for guidance, I could see it out of the corner of my eye, but I had none to give. He pointed his gun at the clone.

“Who even the hell are you? Get out of here- just leave me alone.”

“Who am I? I’m you! And I’m the worst fuck up on this planet. Isn’t that true? Right Elen?” Alan fell silent again.

“I’m so quiet and mysterious- I’m not scared of anything! I’m the cool one, the one who’s able to beat anyone in an argument. I wonder where I got it from. Maybe mommy and daddy were always yelling and I wanted to do something with that. Maybe I always hd to defend my little siblings. Maybe, maybe, fluff and filler, and all speculation! These people don’t even know your real name, right Elen?”

“Shut up!”

“You’re not scared of anything like that. You’re scared of me- of yourself- you’re real self, and the voice of the girl you know you can’t ignore. Worse yet, you’re scared of anyone seeing just how scared you are. Well too late. Here I am! A scared little sourpuss.”

“That’s not true.. I’m not scared and you’re not me! You’re just some sick twisted fuck!”

That’s when another body snatch happened. Alan slumld to the ground, his shadow disappearing. His body slunk back up, like some invisible force was licking him up.

“I am a shadow, the true self, the deepest fear a human can have. You’ve seen who I really am and for that, you must die.”

A fight ensued. This time, the nasty aura around Alan was in the shape of an almost Dwarvish man holding some sort of blade that had three blades, all curled into circles (picture attached) From this fight I learned a couple important things:

- I can summon Lady to attack with or for me but it drains me (kind of like MP in a jrpg or something if the sort. Her magic is dark and entirely magical)

- Axel can summon Mímir by shooting straight up into the air. Mímir has a cold presence, firing chunks of ice. He did this quite often

- I apprently know how to use two hand sickles in battle. Likewise, Axel knows how to fire a gun. His gun doesn’t use bullets either, which I thought was weird. (But then again… y’know. Look around.)

- Using this magic was like having your blood drawn. It didn’t hurt and it was clean, but after a while you feel light headed and weak.

After the fight (once again, we won,) Alan was face to face with this clone, this Elen figure.

“You’re not me.. you’re not..” Alan was on his hands and knees, unable to catch his breath.

“You have to accept it dear. It’s the only way.” Axel spoke out to Alan, love guiding his voice. It took a moment of silence, but he spoke.

“You are me. I have a chronic illness that I’m scared to tell people about. On top of that.. I’m trans. I am a girl, I just thought I could push it down or maybe even die before I.. before I told anyone. Sorry. I was acting out of fear but I can’t do that anymore. I can’t live like this.”

Her clone nodded and faded into their new “persona” (Like Lady and Mímir, the word just feels right.) She wasn’t a Dwarvish man at all, but instead a haggard and witchy woman who was riding a black cauldron like a skateboard. Her hair was wild and long, covering up most of her body. She held a cudgel in one hand, her other being adorned in rings and bracelets.

“Baba Yaga…” and with that, Alan slumped over. We took hher out of this world and back into the real world Again, our injuries are cleared but we are EXHAUSTED. Axel takes her to his house, promising to talk tomorrow over FaceTime. We shared our number and both went home, exhausted.

Uncle Jack asked me how I was doing at school. I told him I was fine, but he told me about the days I was missing. The school called him so he essentially out a lock on me. I can’t leave the house after 5 on a school day anymore because of the mind dungeon thing. Honestly, fair enough, I was dealing with enough so I don’t really care. I just kinda laid down and tried to swallow what had just happened.

I’m starting to write these not just for y’all, but for me. I wrote the first one out of desperation for help with the Igor dream, but now I’m writing these to vent and get some sort of outside help. To the one person who replied, thanks! You a real one! :3

And to the three others who read these, goodnight. Sleep tight.

(EDIT:) I skimmed over a LOT of details. Upon rereading this, I did not describe the battle or anything. I was dead tired when I wrote this (just fought a witchy dwarf lady, almost died.

It was experimental to say the least. Trying to cast some sort of dark magic on my friend Elen, (who I will refer to as such from now on,) The fight was something right out of a fantasy novel. Elen was thrashing at us with her aura’s power, and when she hit, it felt like having a meat tenderizer pressed into you, leaving your skin textured and bruised. I tried to do close range combat, but I found that using Lady’s magic blasts worked better. I could control them, aim them, and not need to get punched in the face to use them.

Axel opted for the gun, shooting at Elen (again, not real bullets I don’t think?) and shooting straight up to summon icecicles. He only did that a couple times, usually sending his persona out to attack Elen. I didn’t know our personas could get so physical. That’s the long and short of it though. )

[sammysshadowself]

Y’all I’m fucking losing it what the hell. This is gonna be a long one.

I think I’m just gonna embrace it atp. Remember that freak ass trip I had the other day? WELL it wasn’t a trip it might have been a shared hallucination or mass hysteria or something. Today, I was walking with Axel so I wouldn’t vanish. He was making a joke about me being an illusionist or something before we also met up with Alan. Axel told Alan about my disappearing act because of course.

Axel made a joke about it which we tried to laugh off as we walked through… but then we were BACK.

Axel and I were in the empty school. He was starting to freak out but I assured him that I know this place. I don’t, but he was really freaked out. We walked around the school and I pointed out the door.

That’s when his clone called out to us. Like my clone, it was an exact replica of Axel, only with bright yellow eyes. I’ll try my best to transcribe the dialogue from memory, but this is about what happened.

“Aww look- it’s Mr. Forgetsalot.” This was the clones first words. It had a tinged, almost like Axels but with a freaky undertone. Axel and I took a step back. I whispered to him “I had a clone too- it wasn’t speaking to me like this.”

“Hello?” Asked Axel, scared and confused. The clone laughed before taking a step forward, smiling.

“What, forgetting something? Maybe it’s your mom, maybe it’s your pills, maybe it’s Alan’s birthday. Maybe you won’t remember anything!”

At this point, Axel got defensive. He stopped leaning against me and stood tall, like he was truly listening to this thing.

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” Axel yelled at his clone. I could tell he was offended.

“Oh, you suddenly remember! I bet you remember everything now- crystal clear!” It was at this point that I felt the air charge with malicious intent.

“Shut up- who the fuck are you even? What is this?” Axel asked, leaning back again.

“Wherever it is, wherever you find yourself, you’re always scared. Whether it’s here, home, school, or anywhere else. And I.. I am that fear.”

Axel took a step back, now behind me. I took a step back too, speechless and unsure what to do.

“You’re just some hallucination or whatever- you’re not real!”

“Oh I’m real. Even more so, I’m a apart of your mind.” There was a silence. “What? Got nothing more to say?” It laughed at him.

“Shut up! Shut up!”

“You’re scared that your little memory issue is going to kill you; that as many times you forget about everyone and everything, they’re going to start forgetting you.” At this point, Axel was writhing, almost crying with vitriol.

“Shut up! I said shut up!”

“Why? You’ve e never had trouble listening to yourself before! That’s the only thing you have! It’s the only thing you’ll ever have. The only thing WE will ever have. After all, I’m you and you are me.”

I was about to step forward but Axel shoved me aside, storming up to the thing.

“You’re nothing but a hallucination- you’re not me! You’re nothing like me!”

At this moment, there was a thunderous burst, like a wave of heavy Bass flowing over the room. In an instant, Axels body was glistening with yellow light, like some sort of corny roblox aura or like something from an anime. His eyes were glowing brighter, almost illuminating his face. Above him, in the yellow aura, was the faint silhouette of an ancient looking man with large horns and an even larger war horn.

“That’s right. I’m you- the culmination of your worst fears- the fears you rely on, the fears you need, the fear of being forgotten. But you-“ the thing pointed at me, no longer fully Axel. “No one will remember you.”

I don’t remember the specifics of what happened afterwards. I remember a flash of Black light emitting from my hands- blac light that fashioned itself into two farm sickles. After that came a rush of adrenaline and a voice;

“I am Lady, the true one that lives within you. Combined, we shall embrace our true nature and divine the secrets above. But for now- let us deal with this wayward man.”

And like that, I was fighting this weird Axel Aura thing, slicing his flesh and clothes while using some sort of newfound spiritual strength or empower me further. Obviously, I won (I wouldn’t be here if I lost.)

My victory led to Axel and his aura being separated once again. He sustained injuries, thanks to me and whatever was behind me- supporting my attacks. We stood again, Axel and I facing his clone who was suddenly silent.

“I… I’m not..”

Axel could barely speak. I felt very bad for him I that moment but, to be fair, he punched the SHIT out of me too.

“You must accept your fears, live with them and act not off of fright, but of hope.”

That was the voice that hd empowered me before, the voice of Lady. (The word Persona comes to mind when I think of her?) Axel reeled for a second before sighing.

“I guess I am terrified of being forgotten. My memory disorder… I’m just glad people still like me and find me useful. Even if I forget about my friends.. I hope they’ll remember me.”

His clone nodded and melted into that silhouette. Only, this silhouette now took form of an ancient looking man with two impish horns on his forehead. He was adorned in Nordic runes and potions, sporting a thame and a war horn.

“I am Thou, Thou art I. I shall lend you my mind in the time of need, for I am Mímir, the god of memory.”

Mímir faded into a small weapon- a handgun- and phased into Axel’s hand. He slumped to the ground, exhausted and injured.

I dragged his body out. I retraced my steps and, like I thought, we were both outside the school at about 2pm. He was no longer injured, but very VERY tired.

I’ve written enough so I’m gonna wrap it up. As I wrote all of this, I started to come to terms with it. Maybe this place isn’t some DMT trip. Maybe Mímir really is Axel and vice versa. I don’t really have the brain power to compute with that today, but I walked Axel (and Alan, we had to explain to him that Axel got very suddenly and violently sick,) home. I went home and relaxed. My body was sore from fighting.

Writing this in my bed, I wonder if this crazy bullshit has anything to do with Igor. He said that the fool would uncover a secret using their own drive. Maybe I’m the fool, uncovering people’s fears because I wanted to?

I’m tired. Goodnight.

[sammysshadowself]

Y’all I’m tweaking I went to school today and I was tripping I think someone slipped something into my drink or something because I had a fucked uo drug trip. I remember I was thinking about that Igor dream (please give me answers if you have any,) I remember walking into school and everyone fading away. My vision went foggy and I was alone in the massive hallways. Everything was the same, thought it seemed a bit green in tint. I stumbled to the principals office while yelling for help. It was very, very quiet. I think the only reason I found the principals office in particular is because of the low hum it was emitting.

Like my phone screen, this door had a large foggy wall over it. I couldn’t quite get through it. When I touched the wall, the wall itself asked me for a password, or rather, said “password?”

I was actually about to start tweaking so I retraced my steps outside. The moment I stepped back outside, closed my eyes for a moment, and started walking, everything was normal. The first person I saw was Axel, who was glaring at me. He asked me something like “how did you do that?”

I remember asking him to stay close to me as I walked back into the school, my mind still racing about what just happened. Once again I was back in the school, all of the students, teachers, and Axel disappearing.

But THIS TIME, I wasn’t alone. There was one other person there, a version of myself. I had bright yellow eyes that were almost hogging out of my sockets. When I made eye contact with them, I froze up.

“I am Thou, thou art I.”

I remember being shocked at the sight of this person, this hallucination speaking with someone else’s voice. For a second, I didn’t feel like I was on acid or whatever else I could be on. I just felt real. And very hopeful. My clone nodded at me and, for some reason, I nodded back. It felt right.

The trip continued, I wandered through the halls and tried the weird glassy door again. I had no password to give it either, so I just watched it for a while. I could hear what sounded like a bog on the other side. I could hear frogs, shallow water being stepped in, and other swamp noises. I tried to record or take pictures but my screen had this smudge that was impossible to remove. For a drug trip or whatever, this is oddly materialistic and real. I could travel the entire school and all of its physical details were down to a T, even new details I had not noticed.

I follow my steps out once again, returning to normalcy once more. This time, it was almost sunset, about 2ish? I remember hearing the final bell right as I returned back to normal.

I asked Axel what happened to me and he told me that I disappeared before his eyes. I still thought I was tripping so I just nodded and walked with him. He asked what was going on and I genuinely couldn’t answer him in any way but the truth. I told him what I experienced and what I thought I saw. He didn’t believe a word and, honestly, I don’t blame him, but that’s what I felt.

We both went home, neither of us sure what was happening. I still kinda don’t know but I’m done with it and I’m moving on. I researched DMT and DMT trips and this almost matches up? Like very closely, only, my experience was less spiritual and psychedelic. That, and no one would have a chance to drug me, unless they secretly injected it into me? I had a bottle of water and some fried rice for breakfast that I made fresh. That is to say, no one should have been able to drug me.

Thoughts?

[sammysshadowself]

Post 1, 10/31/23 - 11/15/23

Hey! My name is Sam (or Sammy,) and I'm 17. I wanted to start a sort of daily/weekly journal about my life and what I'm doing, mainly because one of my other friends did the same thing and i thought that was cool :0. I was attending a public school in Virginia for my whole life but, recently, I had to move up northwest to Washington with my uncle, Jack. I transferred schools (I'm not saying where I'm going to school, obviously.) I'm mainly typing here as a sort of blog/schedule. I have some things I need to get off of my mind. Stuff about moving, new friends, and my new school. More specifically, a dream I had both before and after moving here. I was in a carriage, sitting on a wood bench that was facing the horses. In front of me, between the horses, was a cloaked man. To his left was a large cage with a tarp over it. I could hear a faint growling coming from it. The man spoke, "Welcome to the Velvet Room. My name is Igor." There was something familiar about the wooden carriage. I look to my left and right and there were only stars. The universe was around me, existing in the carriage. I remember that he gave me a fortune telling session with Tarot cards. He drew The Fool, The Chariot, and The Moon. "The fool shall use their natural drive to uncover a large secret." I took another look at the carriage I was in and then I heard a bell ring. "Our time is up. We will meet again." I heard that same ringing transition into the sound of my alarm. I don't often have dreams, let alone dreams as vivid as this one. Anyone able to tell what this is or what it means? I've researched Tarot to know what the cards meant. The Fool seemed to represent openness and a new journey, the chariot being drive and enervation, and the moon being secrecy and introspection.

The second dream saw me in the "Velvet Room" again. This dream happened after I moved in with Uncle Jack. "Igor" welcomed me back in his same cheery, almost light and playful voice. "It appears the fool has started their adventure, their leap of faith." The universe around the carriage twinkled, responding to his words, almost affirming them. I recognized one planet amongst the stars around us: Saturn and its many rings. "The next time we meet will be on your own accord." The cage stopped growling and I awoke to the same bell to alarm transition. Any answers are appreciated. But enuf about cryptic dream talk The past 15 days have just been me getting settled into my new life. I've been talking to my therapist about the move. Recently, she's been more open about herself and her personal thoughts too, almost like we're friends and not a mentally ill teenager and their doctor.

Uncle Jack got me my own small apartment. He works for some sort of construction company that specializes in homes and apartments. They also do repairs. In other words, he's like a repair wizard. That being said, the only reason I'm able to have this three-bedroom apartment is because it was deemed "unlivable" by the landlord. It's not unlivable, just nowhere near pretty or polished enough to rent. Apparently, Uncle Jack has a good bond with the owner of the complex. It's pretty dope having not just my own room but my own apartment. Uncle Jack also visits me once a day to ask how I'm holding up and whatnot.

On top of that, there's this kid named Axel who runs the gardening club at school. He is a cool guy and I like gardening too so we got along pretty well. And he's also HELLA good at gardening, especially with such a shabby school greenhouse to work with. He's like some sort of damn magician. The only other person in the gardening club is his boyfriend, Alan. It's a small club and I lowkey feel like I'm third wheeling. Then again, they make me feel welcome.

EDIT: I'm writing this on the 14th of November 2023. Apparently, our principal, Dr. Lindus, plans to cut funding to a LOT of different programs and clubs. This also includes the gardening club, the GSA, the drama department, and more. This will be decided on the 30th of November for sure, but like, what a shitty thing to do??

I met my homeroom teacher, Mr. Conquer (not his actual name but that's what everyone calls him? Idk) and I went home. From that day out, I just attended class as normal and got well acquainted. I'm not used to city life whatsoever (i'm from the western tip of Virginia) so this is like an entirely different setting. I can literally WALK to school that's so cool.

Anywho, hi guys :D I don't know how many people I'm going to reach. Hopefully i reach a witch or psychic who can interoperate my dream for me because I am genuinely at a loss. Thanx for tuning in! See ya soon.

[sammysshadowself]

WELCOME.

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